sunsoaked-letters

[sunsoaked-letters]

she ran up to me,

pleading for me to paint a nail.

what nail would you like me to paint?

i asked.

this one, she exclaims.

i paint the nail.

she runs away gleefully.

she starts showing everyone her painted nail.

it’s the middle finger.

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feedback is always appreciated!

[sunsoaked-letters]

fear, disarmed

for as long as i can remember, guns have terrified me. not just the sound, not just the bullet, but the power. the way it hums beneath the skin, the way it turns a moment into a void.

in the u.s., anyone can carry one. no training, no questions, no warning. you could be walking home and still become a statistic. a silence. a ghost.

that fear lived in my chest like static. unshakable. undeniable.

i brought it to the dinner table in germany, laid it bare in front of my host parents, waiting for dismissal. but they didn’t laugh. they listened. they showed me the laws, the locks, the care.

they said, “you don’t have to stay afraid. you can learn.”

and so i did.

they took me to a shooting range. i sat with a weapon in my hands, fingers trembling. the air was thick with every shot echoing like thunder in a sealed box. the void opened in front of me, and for five minutes i stared into it.

me. the gun. the trigger. the decision.

then i pulled.

the shot rang out. not perfect, not clean. a 7. but good.

and something shifted. not erased, just… softened. the fear didn’t disappear, but it lost its grip.

i’m still afraid of what guns can do. i still don’t trust the laws back home. but i am no longer afraid of seeing one.

because the void only has power when we look away.

and now, i look straight through it.

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for the community prompt, void, by @cherrypicked-insanity and @picklemafia

i tried something more narrative for this one! let me know what you think :)

[sunsoaked-letters]

is he really worth it?

he sends me the stupid snap streak.

"i'm too busy to call or text. i'll reach out when i can."

so how long do i wait? wait for him to notice me? remember that i exist?

did his love for me mean nothing? did he even love me at all?

why would he say that? did those two months mean nothing to him?

i sat beside him like a little trophy wife. quiet, present, patient.

he didn’t even try. didn’t text. didn’t call.

i sat on the other end waiting for my phone to light up hoping his name would flash across the screen.

but it never did.

now i sit here again waiting for a moment that may never come.

hoping he’ll notice me. but he won’t.

he probably won’t.

my hand hovers over the call button and i ask myself

is he really worth it?

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feedback is always appreciated!!

[sunsoaked-letters]

unnamed

you’re not enough, 

they say to me. 

you need to do better, 

they say to me. 

they hit me, harder and harder. 

my back breaks. 

i give in to the darkness, 

the darkness becomes me. 

[sunsoaked-letters]

a boat with holes

your hair is too long,

you weigh too much,

you have a mustache,

you do too much. 

you don’t eat enough, 

why do you have no hair anywhere, 

why is your hair so short, 

you’re so unmotivated. 

i scream, 

the voices suffocating me. 

i feel myself drowning, 

from the expectations of other people. 

don’t listen to them, 

people say. 

but they don’t understand, 

the nagging, the constant struggle. 

i try to stay afloat, 

on encouragement and praise, 

but my boat has holes in it, 

holes i can’t repair. 

i can fix them, 

people say. 

but how do you fix something that’s been shattered into a million pieces? 

—————

feedback is always appreciated!

[sunsoaked-letters]

bars of gold

i fight to be free 

you’re the golden child they say 

but i don’t care

a golden child has bars 

bars made of gold, 

she’s entrapped in her cage 

free to work but not to live 

never live 

she’s ungrateful, they say 

she screams, wanting to be saved from them 

from the home they dug for her 

but no one remembers that gold comes from the dirt 

suffocated until found 

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as always, feedback is much appreciated!

[sunsoaked-letters]

left in the heat

water leaves

faster than it enters.

the sun doesn’t set

it hides.

i scream

my throat cracks open like dry earth.

hoarse now.

burning now.

barely standing.

and then they see her

crumpled on the burning street.

skin scorched.

eyes closed.

a body forgotten by the breeze.

—————————

the body keeps the score, and summer never forgets.

for the community prompt heatwave

@wrentalks @picklemafia

(tried something with colors, please give your brutal opinion!!)

[sunsoaked-letters]

how do you fix something that’s been shattered into a million pieces?

[sunsoaked-letters]

introduction

val, with a lowercase v. collector of soft skies and sharp truths. sunset chaser. verse scribbler. lover of silence, static, and songs that hurt a little. this is where the fragments live. read them gently.

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I also do commissions! Message me for a quote!

[sunsoaked-letters]

As I ride RE drei,

I watch the memories pass by.

The happiness he created through manipulation,

The tears he used to wipe with his sleeve.

I told him to leave.

He refused.

The pain he caused and tried to erase

Lingers, even as he begged to stay.

My kindness and trust were tossed aside,

Everything gone, drowned in gasoline and flame.

I feel like a couple of used tires

Discarded and drained.

Now that my mind is clear and free,

I stand like a winter tree

Stripped, yet still breathing.

I take a fresh breath of air

Even though I feel bare.

Memories built on lies

Slowly fade.

And so does my care.

[sunsoaked-letters]

clashing waves

the beauty of the ocean is unmatched it sparkles so elegant and kills with grace

the mountains borrow their shape from waves in the sea the different shades of blue hold quiet secrets

she shines even on her darkest days a glimmer always in her eyes she makes me feel safe and scared how can she hold that power

her froth as she collapses into herself she is warm she is cold a house to many dead and alive

she makes me feel safe and scared and that is her beauty

[sunsoaked-letters]

the simple yet complex art of not feeling anything

watching the world spin past you you try to keep pace, but you fade away, falling behind

bits and pieces lost you lose yourself everything and everyone moves forward without you

the weight of a thousand bricks falls

you’re stuck, fighting to breathe but suffocating

i can’t get up.

[sunsoaked-letters]

[sunsoaked-letters]

blood in the bath

a sharp stab in her stomach she sinks to the bathroom floor crying, pain swallowing her whole

she screams then forces herself up into the shower warm water spilling over her skin

blood and flesh circle the drain pink fading to clear

she exhales but the ache lingers and she knows she’ll do it again tomorrow