#//... maybe I should stop with these I suck with puns

[onboardsorasora]

corporate free use... part 4??

part 3 is here moar sex pollen lmao but also.... quarterly orgy anyone? ish

Daniel cursed as Max’s hole clenched around him. He tweaked a nipple, loving the flush on his chest as he laid out on top of Daniel’s desk, moaning loudly. Max was glorious, all pale, soft skin and filthy pink mouth. 

Right now he was whining and writhing and Daniel was fucking into him with abandon.

The door opened and Jenson walked in with an incredulously raised brow.

“Mate, we have a meeting.” Still, he was unbuckling his belt as Max watched him with hazy eyes.

Daniel flashed a sweaty curl from his brow. “Sorry, mate– forgot. Pollen.”

“Again? Dan, you’ve got to stop accepting dubious food.”

“No, not me.” Daniel groaned, grinding his hips in a way that had Max moaning. “Him.”

Jenson’s other brow raised with his first.

“What happened?” Jenson cupped Max’s jaw, swallowing when he licked at his fingers.

“He was on the 4th floor when… fuck Nando started spraying the place.”

Max whined and Jenson shushed him before releasing his trapped dick and feeding it into Max’s waiting mouth. 

“Fuck.” Jenson sighed as Max worked him. “Isn’t Nando starting the festivities a little early?” 

Daniel nodded, Fernando was. But truly, who was there to stop him? If you went on that floor now, you’d get pollen’d and no one was gonna answer the phone or an email when the quarterly orgy began. He was just speeding up the process.

“Guys, avoid the fourth floor–” Lewis walked in and stopped short at seeing his two directors working over his tech manager.

“Max got pollen’d” Jenson groaned. Daniel grunted as he came, clutching at Max’s hips.

“You in or out Lew?” Daniel asked, stroking Max’s cock and watching his come leak out of Max’s hole. 

“Its early but…” Lewis muttered, taking off his suit jacket. He walked over to Daniel’s desk while unbuttoning his slacks.

“Need me to start you off?” Daniel asked quietly, just short of whispering in Lewis’ ear or nibbling at said ear.

“Mmm no, I’m good. Later though.” Lewis hissed as he sunk into Max’s hole. Max moaned around Jenson’s cock, spurting come up his chest.

They shared Max until he was satiated, panting on the couch completely dazed and fucked out.

“Man, that was a good amuse bouche.” Jenson stretched his arms over his head. Lewis and Daniel looked over at him from where Daniel had been sitting bare assed on his desk, listening to something Lewis said.

“Did you get pollen’d or something, should we be worried?” Lewis asked, amused.

“Nah but I did take some of Nando’s treats that he’d been handing out this morning. Daniel laughed, knowing his friend was running on enough viagra to fuck a harem. Nando didn’t do anything in small doses.

“Is that why you wanted a meeting this afternoon? You jumped into battle real quick there.” Daniel pointed out.

“You think I don’t see how you hoard Max and Lando? And are you two fucking around again? I feel so left out.” Jenson complained, pointing around accusingly. 

“Well, we’re all here now. What do you want?” Lewis asked, scratching his ear. 

“On your knees Ricciardo. It's been a while since I got to ruin you.” Jenson pointed to the ground in front of him, Daniel rolled his eyes and smirked.

“You could have just asked, Jense.”

“That’s what the meeting was for! I had plans! Your sweet arse is mine and Lewis can watch. Maybe I’ll let you suck him off.”

“Sounding like a dictator there, Jense.” Lewis got comfortable in Daniel’s office chair, throwing a leg over the arm and stroking himself lightly.

“Oh no no my friend. Daniel here will be my dick taker.” He thrusted his cock in Daniel’s mouth before he could comment on the terrible pun. Lewis watched eagerly as Jenson fucked Daniel’s mouth with abandon. It had been a while since they all fucked together. Daniel always took it so well for them.

It wasn’t long before Daniel’s nose was pressed against Lewis’ taint as he ate him out while Jenson prepped him eagerly. 

At some point Max arose from his cat nap, cock red hard and horny. Lewis motioned him over and took him in his mouth just as Daniel groaned when Jenson fucked into him. Max watched with wide eyes as his directors fucked each other, moaning loudly when Lewis swirled his tongue in a way that had Max’s knees buckling. Daniel looked so hot getting fucked, Max knew he was seeing something even Lando never got to experience. He never thought he’d ever think this, but thank goodness for sex pollen.

[artsycloudysleepy]

can't wait!!!!!!! take your time ofc - i shall be shaking the bars of my cage until thennnn /silly :DDDD

hands really HAVE got hands 😭😭😭 and absolutely!!! drawing is unbelievably taxing but we must keep going!! for both joy and also to show up the AI """artists""" who think it's too much work to be worthwile >:)

blink gone

the clock goes tick-tock, tick-tock

still version

and grayscale

[somewhereincairparavel]

i badly wanted dark!Jason tbh. I mean, we got a dark Percy choking a goddess, and a dark Nico ghostifying a roman legionnaire, but the closest thing we got to a dark!Jason was when he was possessed by eidolon and electrocuted Percy, or his anger when Thalia was turned into an ice statue which isnt dark enough imo. I just wanted pure RAGE from him, till the point he ends up doing something completely out of character and stuns everyone.

I mean, Jason is the son of the king of all gods, his rage would be absolute terror no doubt. His dad is an angry man, so I hc him to have his dad's unhinged anger if he gets out of control (I honestly feel like this is a necessity for all Zeus kids lol). Also, Jupiter is A LOT more unhinged than Zeus considering he's roman so jason should arguably have more craziness in him . Maybe something like sucking the air out of someone's lungs to make them stop breathing for a few secs. And Leo going "man, you gotta stop shocking us like this. Pun intended"

imagine the potential of that scene. Wasted potential yet again. smh.

[bigdumbbambieyes]

nsfw

It’s almost one in the morning and Steve opens up the messages app on his phone, seeing the notification from Billy and clicking on it.

A dick pic with an accompanying message: it’s not gonna suck itself.

Steve’s a fucking sucker. No pun intended.

But, he can’t help himself. Not around Billy.

He’s already getting hard just from the picture alone.

He can already feel it in his mouth, stretching his lips and heavy on his tongue, leaking precum in the back of his throat.

Christ.

He responds back: it’s gonna have to bc i’m not driving over.

who said anything about you driving over?

i just assumed.

i’ll be outside in like 2 mins. get your shoes on.

Steve’s hand pauses where it’s stroking himself through his sweats, his eyes widening at the message before he’s rolling out of bed and grabbing a shirt from the floor, along with some socks.

Just as he gets downstairs, pulling his hoodie over his head, he peeks outside and yeah, Billy’s parked at the end of the driveway.

He feels a stupid little thrill sneaking out of his parent’s house, as if he’s not free to come and go as he pleases, and quietly shuts the front door behind him before rushing over to the running car.

Opening the door and sliding into the passenger seat, Billy’s smirking at him and looking down at his crotch, stating, “You got hard over my pic, Harrington?”

“Shut up,” Steve sighs as he leans over, sucking on Billy’s lower lip and giving a soft little laugh as Billy grabs the back of his neck and licks into his mouth, fucking filthy.

Billy doesn’t even go far, just down the street, in between street lights, and leans his seat back a little. Just enough for Steve to not hit his head on the steering wheel as he leans over the centre console.

Steve feels his mouth water as Billy pushes his own sweats down, not even wearing fucking underwear, and pulls his dick out.

And maybe he should be ashamed at how eager he is for this, for these midnight romps, letting himself be picked up and used because it’s what they both want, but he doesn’t feel even an ounce of shame.

Not when he leans down and sucks the tip of Billy’s cock into his mouth, moaning as he feels Billy’s hand in his hair, gripping a handful of it tight in his fist. He doesn’t push Steve down, not yet, but he loves the feeling — like Billy’s anchoring him.

“Fuck,” Billy groans as Steve takes more of him, takes him a little deeper, and purposefully reaches to shut off the stereo, the car filling with the lewd sounds of Steve’s mouth working his cock.

Slurping and sucking like a fucking slut, watching Steve and doing his best to not fuck up into his mouth — not yet.

“Got the prettiest mouth for sucking cock,” Billy sighs, which makes Steve keen softly, a blush spreading over his cheeks as he takes Billy even deeper.

Billy doesn’t stop talking, just grips Steve’s hair a little harder and growls, “Gonna cum down your throat and you’re gonna swallow it like the good boy you are, huh?”

Steve nods and hums, chokes and gags a little as he takes Billy into his throat, hearing the wet click of it and his own dick throbs in his sweats, desperate.

“Might just leave you like this, drop you off at home still hard,” Billy huffs, “Ready to cum in your pants like a fucking whore.”

That makes Steve moan around the cock in his throat, tears gathering in his eyes from the pleasure shooting through him.

“Yeah? You like that, princess?” Billy chuckles mean, “Might just do it. Keep you all pent up, come and visit you in the morning once your folks leave, have you wake up already split open on my cock—”

Fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuck—

Steve moans and his hips twitch, his cock pulsing in his sweats as he cums untouched, a wet spot forming on the soft fabric.

“Jesus,” Billy groans, pushing Steve’s head down and keeping him there as his hips stutter, moaning out long and loud as he cums, filling Steve’s throat and mouth.

He does his best to swallow, but he pulls off coughing, his eyes a mess of tears and his mouth smeared with cum and spit as he sucks in lungfuls of air.

Billy’s on him in an instant, licking into his mouth with a deep groan, sucking his own cum off of Steve’s tongue and his spent dick gives a pathetic little twitch of interest.

The blond pulls away with a grin, so familiar now even in the dim light, “I knew you were into that shit.”

“What shit?” Steve rasps quietly, leaning back in his seat with a huff.

“The sleeping shit,” Billy clarifies, reaching over and opening up the glove compartment, pulling out a couple fast food napkins and tossing them into Steve’s lap, “You really want to wake up with me inside you, pretty boy?”

Steve thinks about it with a little pout as he wipes his face clean, imagining it: waking up with Billy on top of him, kissing his neck, already stretched out around his cock, probably ready to fucking blow. Christ.

“We could try it,” he mumbles, balling up the napkin and tossing it into the back with a little smirk, hearing Billy’s annoyed huff.

“Well, you better invite me to a sleepover soon,” Billy hums, turning the steering wheel and making a quick U-turn back to the Harrington house.

Steve smiles to himself, delighted, and teases, “I’ll think about it.”

Billy gives him one last filthy kiss before unlocking the car and smiling, humming, “Night, peanut.”

“Night,” Steve smiles back, the whole thing feeling a little too cute and stupid for late night hookup, and pecks Billy’s lips one last time before getting out and going back inside.

He watches Billy drive off and thinks about that sleepover.

[raiseupyourbat]

G o d. All gekkos' outertale posting makes me wanna talk more in depth about the characterisation and plot issues in this game and why they bother me...

(readmore bc holy fuck this got long, it's probably like 5k words. It's also pretty much all salt, categorised by character)

Toriel

Why. Why is she like this. Kinda feels like the creator of the game hates her and if they don't, they have a weird way of showing it. She's treated as overdramatic and unjustified in her anger at asgore despite the fact that he DID declare war on humanity and he DID willingly let the people believe he was killing human children to harvest their souls. Even if he didn't do it for real in this game, she has every right to be angry and to not trust him, and it CERTAINLY doesn't make her undeserving to be a mother or whatever. Idk about you, but I don't think wanting kids to stay away from a man yelling about wanting to kill every child that crosses him makes you a bad parent, even if it turns out he didn't really hurt anyone y'know?

They also REALLY zoned in on 'mother' with her in a way that doesn't really make sense here. I could maybe see her feeling guilty for making a snap judgement but how would that call her motherhood into question?

Sans saying isolation messed with her makes no sense too!!!! The outerlands or whatever they called the ruins isn't sealed off in this game, other monsters seem way less intimidated by her in this game than in undertale (she has friends! She knows sans by name and goes to napstablook's shows and even has their phone number!), and we outright get told she takes the taxi to get her groceries... Meaning she headed off to the rest of the outpost and probably does that often enough.

All things considered, Toriel seems fairly well adjusted in outertale, at least by outertale standards. Kinda then makes it feel like everyone's just trying to convince her she's hysterical and that... Sucks.

Also the fact that they added an ending where you stay with her and framed it as a bad ending that doomed everyone is... Really mean? It sucked ass I'm sorry :/

Sans

... Why is he like this. This take on Sans is absolutely infuriating tbh. The only positive I really have here is that his puns are kinda good, I've seen fangames that fuck up this element massively and it was kinda fun to see his interactions in starton.

Okay, back to salt. His whole 'i became a sentry to help humans' thing is trash. He didn't care about that in ut! He didn't care about that at all! The only reason he looks out for frisk is because he made a promise to toriel, and he hates breaking promises. He didn't want to let down his friend.

...Huh. realising this is yet another case of Toriel disrespect somehow. Yet another thing they took from her, that they then just... Handed over to sans instead. :/

His lack of backstory. Look, I get wanting something silly, but they took almost everything that makes sans interesting away. Not hyperfocusing on sans like certain aus do is nice, but it feels like in a lot of situations in this game they overcompensated by a long shot.

No mysterious past/origins. We know he worked with alphys I guess but???? Honestly I have a LOT to rant about for that part so I'll leave it for twinkly's section. And yet despite all this, Sans inexplicably bleeds in tpe when not even undertale has that happen? Make up your mind!

His role in non Asriel chaotic also... Sucks ass. I'm in a pretty awesome corner of the fandom in terms of the people I follow and the takes I see as a result, so if I'm honest, when I saw all those posts about 2024 fanon sans being indifferent to his brother's murder, I kinda just figured they were vaguing about this game. You're telling me that sans of all people just shrugs off you killing everyone and complains a little bit before letting you pass?! He should know alphys already ran off. He should know the only person left to stop you is asgore, and that it's obvious he won't. Part of this could be connected to how frisk is written perhaps, and much like the twinkly situation, I'll have much more to say on that further down.

I understand the creator didn't wanna have a sans fight in their game - however, if that's the case... Maybe come up with a reason for him to NOT show up in the last corridor, then? Have him busy helping with evacuations or something, or already dead like in the first chaotic ending... This was just sloppy.

Papyrus

Honestly he wasn't... Terrible. The phonecalls were fun even if most were cheap references (though they can be fun in fangames sometimes so I'm not mad at this lol). Him being extremely talented at making spaghetti is just one symptom of one of this game's biggest flaws, however. I really don't like how nobody's really allowed to be bad at anything or have any real struggles in this game - especially when spaghetti in undertale is used to demonstrate his relationship with undyne and the similar wavelength they're on when humans aren't involved. She's the one who started teaching him to cook it, it's deeply intertwined with his desire to be a royal guard, and it's something they suck at together. Him just inexplicably being good at it is... Weird, and feels really disconnected from their friendship and her reluctance to let him in the guard yknow?

Also: his boss final phase. Having the dog NOT take his special attack away this time was really funny admittedly but... Idk? Not only is the fight really unfair for pacifist/neutral and those who aren't as good at the game (ut never gets this hard outside of geno), it feels way too on the nose in terms of insisting he's strong and has powerful attacks. Undertale didn't need to overcompensate to get across that papyrus is strong and disciplined and the way you have to infer that in undertale is way cooler. I might just be nitpicking with this point tbh but it's whatever. Letting myself be a hater for once.

And don't get me started on him getting together with Mettaton. It seemed to come out of absolutely nowhere, the idea that they were already friends in this was glossed over really quickly and no time was really put into developing the relationship save for papyrus commenting on finding him attractive every few minutes.

Gotta be honest, I've never been a fan of this ship nor understood its popularity. Papyrus very briefly mentions thinking he's attractive in undertale, but it doesn't really go anywhere and I'm not even sure mettaton knows he exists. It feels like it was just kinda added because it's a popular ship and that's it, not sure it really contributes much to either of their arcs. It was a light-hearted celebrity crush in canon and never really tried to be more.

Oh, oops. Had more to say here than I thought.

Undyne

Not much to say here... I think she was okay, there's nothing super bad with her. I do think the way gerson kinda downplays her/lacks faith in her in the chaotic route kinda sucks and I think choosing to make her non-undying chaotic bossfight harder sure was A Choice, but it's whatever. Undying was weirdly easy in a way that didn't do her much justice. Honestly they didn't do enough with her for me to have a wall of complaints and I can't tell if that's a good thing or not. Her relationship with alphys didn't really amount to much and her lack of understanding of human culture doesn't really hit as hard when she's just talking about random sci-fi things that we have no way of knowing are real or not in this game's idea of the 2600s ourselves, y'know? Her love of anime (that she mistakenly thinks is human history) is pretty absent here except to validate her relationship with alphys in a very shallow way.

The Ghost Family

Hoo boy... Was gonna make this the mettaton section, but I wanted to talk about napstablook at the same time, so I'm just gonna lump them all together.

What. What the hell was this plotline.

It feels like they tried to go for 'smalltime farmer chases passion for stardom after feeling unfulfilled at home' and as I've seen someone else say, 'shy business owner struggles to talk to their cousin outside of work'. This would've been fine tbh, but... There's a lot of things in the execution of this that kinda grossed me out if I'm honest. I don't think they were intentional, but I think it could've been thought through a lot better to avoid some unfortunate implications - or even lean into them in a respectful way.

Firstly, the ghost family intervention was pretty long, awkward, and didn't feel like it really added much - especially when most people playing would already know mettaton's backstory anyway (and his house is still accessible like in undertale!!!!! What was the point?)

Mettaton airing out his family issues on live TV feels very ooc - he keeps that stuff very close to his chest and I doubt he'd like it getting out. Him entertaining any of that out in the open seems... Weird.

Speaking of the intervention, his cousins' treatment of him was horrifying! Part of it seems intentional and it's nice that there's at least one part in the game where characters are allowed to have flaws and do bad things but... There's also elements that feel like you're meant to agree with them? Their insistence that mettaton just come home and everything they did in the past with constantly badgering him to come and help out on the farm were rightfully treated as something that hurt mettaton's feelings and that gave napstablook and the others pause. That's (mostly, we'll come back to it later) fine. He called them out for it and they reflected on it, cool. The way his ghost form was utilised makes me extremely uncomfortable, however.

Napstablook talks about hearing 'the real [mettaton]' in the recording, right to his face, 'the real mettaton' in this scenario alluding to his ghost form. Considering mettaton is a trans allegory, this feels... Kinda gross? In a similar vein, when passing mettaton's quiz barriers, one of the questions is 'what is mettaton's true identity' and you have the option to deadname him (using a name papyrus literally just made up in undertale rather than having any kind of creativity ofc) Alphys' reaction is simply to ask how you know that which... Doesn't feel great. The correct answer is 'mettaton' ofc thankfully, but everything around this particular plot point feels weird. Maybe don't do that w the most prevalent trans allegory character..?

And ofc, they keep insisting he just come home, go back to working on the farm, go back to his family... Idk, gives me vibes of someone abandoning their shitty transphobic family and then insisting they want to see 'the real [deadname] again' and for them to abandon their new life and just go back to the way things were before. Not good.

All of this would still be okay for the most part since the ghost family are painted as being unfair to mettaton... But in true pacifist, he goes back to helping out with the farm anyway and talks about how he thinks he was probably just being dramatic after all, and how 'blooky didn't do anything that bad'

... What?

It takes me right back to Toriel's treatment. Napstablook, Maddie and lurksalot gave no real thought to mettaton's feelings, made it all about them and showed pretty much no support for his transition nor his career! Fuck those guys! It's funny - mettaton is pretty consistently a pompous asshole (affectionate) in undertale but here, I think all his feelings towards his family were COMPLETELY valid. Mettaton outertale didn't do anything wrong.

Lurksalot didn't feel like they contributed much to the story either, save to be yet another character treating mettaton like shit with zero consequences nor narrative judgement. They just made every ghost family event even more drawn out.

And then ofc!!!! Mettaton and Alphys' friendship is so bland in this game! They're two people who kinda know each other and she says some nice things about him in a letter in chaotic but that's about it. Their friendship and the subsequent conflict frisk's arrival brings to it in undertale is the heart of hotland and the core, but here it's just replaced with unnecessary, hard to watch, boring family drama. The two of them have no issues to work out. She doesn't ask too much of him. There's no funny quips and barely any chemistry at all. God forbid either of them have any real flaws.

One last thing: I'm glad maddie gets her mew mew body, it's nice. Wish it was an on-screen moment or something alluded to more though. Some of that time dragging out the family drama could've been used on that instead, y'know? Especially with napstablook getting the mew mew doll... Genuinely thought they were gonna show it to her when they first got hold of it, rather than dragging Frisk into their intervention. She should've gotten to be more mad, too. Kinda a big part of her identity.

Oh, and mettaton's no-asriel chaotic fight was bullshit. It was a nice spamton reference and the first phase was cool, but the second was utter bullshit and dragged out the fight way too long. Attacking him after snapping all the wires should've killed him im sorry. It's even more of a shame bc I genuinely really liked this game's mettaton neo fight - it was fun and creative and felt possible.

Holding myself back from adding any more to this bc I could go on and on, ugh.

Alphys

Alphys. For a game that tries to make her the star of it, it's actually kinda impressive how much they managed to take away from her and just how uninteresting she is in this game.

At the surface level she's awesome, powerful, and the star of the show. In my first playthrough I was actually pretty happy to see her thriving like this! The more routes I played and the more I thought about it though they just kinda... Declawed her. Took away all her flaws. Made her 'perfect' in a way that I don't think works at all.

The amalgamates never happened. None of her experiments went wrong. She never hid away from her mistakes, or lied to anyone (save for keeping Asgore's secret, which she has no negative feelings about), nor did she over engineer any situations to make herself seem cooler. She doesn't argue with Mettaton! She's confident and assertive! She's Asgore's right hand woman and next in line for the throne! And ofc, the badass final boss! What's not to love?

...But none of this is Alphys, is it?

Her anxiety isnt just because of the determination experiments, it's pretty clear she's always been a pretty shy and nervous person. In fact, based on her entries they were one of the things she was more confident in before it all went wrong. People are hard, but she knows science, y'know?

She doesn't get to be flawed or interesting - despite her presence, she's just a generic cool scientist who's suave with the ladies, I guess..?

She isn't particularly dorky, shes overly confident, she has zero issues to work through. Her relationship with undyne is perfect (derogatory) and her infodumping about anime just before the archive feels very forced, like they remembered last minute that she does that and thought it should be included somehow.

Depicting what she'd be like in a scenario where the determination experiments never happened is a fun and interesting idea! But deltarune demonstrates how to do that well, and I think they completely missed the mark. The way she talks, her body language, the way she acts around others in general... These things are universal constants and yet in outertale, she's basically a different person entirely.

Outertale alphys isn't allowed to lie (save to cover for asgore Secretly Being A Good Person), she isn't allowed to miscalculate, she isn't allowed to mis-speak or make mistakes or do anything she'd regret. She feels like an alphys written by someone who hates her in canon and thinks all her flaws make her terrible and unlikable. I doubt this is the case since I don't think a person like that would've given her such prevalence, but that's the level of love and attention I feel was given to her writing here. It makes me sad.

And, of course... The DT experiments and her fight.

... Why did she have vials of determination if all the humans are alive? Did she take it from them? If so, was this before or after they went into stasis? We know she's not been the royal scientist for long in relation to how long humans have been falling, so did ROMAN take the determination? How much of this did she even DO?

Why did she and sans even DO anything with determination? It... Doesn't really make sense.

Speaking of determination, why did she melt at the end of her fight? I'd assume she's injected herself with determination as one of the vials in her lab is mentioned to be partially used, but I'm pretty sure it's also like this on pacifist. Was that overlooked? Are we just meant to assume it's MORE depleted? Does she just have natural determination now because She's So Cool And Badass? This isn't even really a complaint about the fight, more just how poorly that part of her lab is handled lmao

But getting into her fight... Idk, it didn't really feel like her. A lot of it was just random bullshit that was hard for the sake of being hard, that didn't really seem to be tied to her identity very well at all. People complain a lot about the Zenith Martlet fight in undertale yellow but that's done far better than this, imo. It clearly reflects martlet's character, personality and canonical bullet patterns (we see Alphys' in ut tpe!), there's a genuine feeling of progression in the fight and the act you're given to help with the fight feels more effective - you can still damage her on her turn, so taking a turn to heal act doesn't feel like a waste. The Asriel acts though... They just don't last long enough to feel that worth it? Sure they're okay, but in general, you get a lot less time to breathe. Martlet's fight lets you retry from phase 2 if you die. Sans' in undertale gives you as many turns as you need to heal while he's sparing you. Alphys' fight just feels like it's made to feel un-fun and painful throughout in a way that just isn't worth it, and doesn't really feel like it fits her personality either, y'know? The fight was just a slog and like many others, I had zero motivation to finish it legit. I don't think it helps that the undyne and mettaton fights in this route are fairly easy and simple in comparison.

Tldr: they took away everything that makes alphys endearing, fun and interesting. This isn't alphys at all.

Asgore

A huge chunk of this essay accidentally got deleted, including my first attempt at writing this section. In it, I mentioned that the Asgore apologism went way too far.

This time though, I don't think I'd even call it that. Reflecting on it, it feels less like an attempt to defend him and more like a way to hate on and spite Toriel.

Seriously. So much of his character basically just feels like someone going 'fuck you toriel. I'm giving EVERYTHING to asgore.'

It's... Really weird?

Asgore having a way out of killing humans is an interesting concept! Outertale takes place 500 years in the future compared to undertale, so the idea that they have the resources and technology to do that is kinda cool and in theory, exploring this idea sounds really fun. In practice though, it feels like it was mostly done to make Toriel out to be an asshole for no reason and to laugh at her for ever assuming he would've really killed anyone (despite... Y'know. Telling everyone that's what he was doing.)

He just. Completely moved on from Toriel without a second thought seemingly, and doesn't even look that affected by seeing her turn up again - meanwhile SHE'S got crumpled up tea recipes in the trash and all the Sad Divorced Energy - it doesn't really fit either of them! Toriel wasn't really given a reason to miss him like that, and I think even if he DID fully move on, he'd be way happier to see her than that.

All his leading statements on how she must feel in LV1 pacifist sucked ass also, especially with the way she kinda just agreed that yeah, she feels like shit for not trusting that he'd suddenly do a 180 and not hurt anyone (AGAIN. AFTER HE CONTINUED TO LET EVERYONE BELIEVE THIS) and that she must feel unworthy of being a mother. She hadn't even said half of this in front of him yet! He put words in her mouth! That in itself would be fine (social blunders are pretty normal for asgore after all) but it... Wasn't treated like that. It was handled as if this was a sweet and compassionate thing for him to say which... Yikes.

And ofc he gets to adopt frisk, and monster kid, and get to have Asriel live with him! His fatherhood is never called to question in undertale, but ofc Toriel's motherhood has to be here. Hell, despite their divorced status, if you talk to gerson in tpe it's highly implied frisk asks if asgore would start aging again if he became their dad! Idk, all of this part just reeked of Toriel hate and nothing more. Asgore is just yet another character to get sanded down and de-clawed and it sucks. So much of what makes him interesting is his mistakes and flaws and how they impact him, y'know?

Twinkly

I wanna start this by saying I don't think his writing is too bad. It's not amazing by any means but by outertale standards, he's one of the better written characters. That being said, Flowey is my favourite character of all time so I'm still gonna be critical.

So they did save the goat. Save the goat aus really aren't my thing nowadays - I feel like so often people act like he's a separate person to Flowey entirely and act like the alarm clock app dialogue doesn't exist. Asriel didn't end the story as a doomed tragedy fated to fade away! Flowey ended the story as someone who finally got closure on the loss of his best friend, and can finally learn to move on, even if it takes him a while to adjust. I don't think he needs to be a goat again for that.

That being said, I know these kinda aus are a big wish fulfilment thing for a lot of the fandom that aren't even necessarily something people want to be canon as much as they just wanna explore the idea and see him truly happy, so I won't judge that element too harshly. People are allowed to have fun, and I think save the goat can be fine if it respects him as flowey rather than separating them.

I really like that they allow Asriel to be fucked up and an asshole rather than him soft rebooting into some Sweet Perfect Little Prince once he returns to his old form, like so many other save the goat takes. Even in lv0's ending he struggles to bite back insults and mean comments aimed at Monster Kid which is... Admittedly kinda refreshing! There's definitely some flowey (or I guess in this case, twinkly) behaviour that still comes through here and I'm glad. This carried over to chaotic, too. While his characterisation wasn't perfect, this at least felt like twinkly obtaining a few form and continuing to play with the world, rather than your standard Asriel take. I also really liked that he remembers and acknowledges chaotic if done before pacifist, that was neat and adds to his character (as far as this game goes) I think.

However, onto the biggest, glaring issue I have with him.

Why. Why does he exist.

No, seriously.

In its attempt to make the world perfect, a world that blatantly only exists so the creator could make a save the goat ending, mind, there's no reason for the goat to need to be saved at all. Nor for him to exist after dying back when Chara lived with the dreemurrs.

Asgore isn't killing humans, so the souls don't need to be absorbed by anyone. Frisk can just enter the archive and lend their power to destroy the forcefield themselves, so there's no ultimatum like there is in undertale - there's no implied tradeoff of Frisk's life for the freedom of monsters without twinkly's intervention. In undertale, flowey's messing around opened up an ending that would've otherwise been impossible, something that worked for everyone.

Without him existing at all here, frisk could've broken the barrier just fine. All it really added to pacifist was a couple extra boss fights and asgore being dead for two minutes. And him being saved I guess but again, there's no real story justification for him being here EXCEPT to pat yourself on the back for saving him.

Why was he created? In undertale it's pretty clear - they wanted a vessel to hold all the souls in for now during the true lab experiments. He exists because Alphys selected the first flower to ever grow in the garden and injected it with determination that she extracted from the human souls.

... But all the humans are... Alive and well in outertale? They don't need a vessel to contain their souls. They don't need to extract any determination from anyone. Again, why do they HAVE vials of determination? And why did she inject one into a flower?

AND THAT'S THE OTHER BIG THING. It's established she and sans injected a starling flower for... Whatever reason. SO WHY THE HELL IS TWINKLY A CARTOON STAR?!

This point makes absolutely no sense at all. He looks absolutely nothing like a starling flower nor does he behave like a flower at all, which is confusing if that's what he started as. Honestly, I think it would've made more sense to just keep him as Flowey if they were gonna include him at all, and just have his appearance reflect a starling flower instead of a golden flower.

This applies to his fight too. Mechanically I think it's AWESOME, but the visuals are... Just very very boring. A huge part of why his fight in the original is so good it's the bizarre and chaotic nature of it, the horror elements, and the way so much of flowey's trauma in terms of how he was created and the things he finds scary was put on blast for all to see. The combination of mechanical and organic elements, all the plants and insects... Idk, just going 'hmm he's a star. Let's have him go through a star life cycle' is boring, there's no visual appeal.

If his creation is so vague and wishy washy, this would've been a great opportunity to flesh it out more. How was he created? What kinds of technology and machinery did alphys use to put all this together? How did she (or roman????? unclear) get the determination? What does twinkly remember?

That leads me onto a tangentially related topic - his trauma. I... Don't think this was shown very well. He talks a bit about BEING traumatised from the lab, but telling isn't the same as showing and canon flowey is terrible at hiding it, whereas I'd just as easily believe outertale Asriel made it up for sympathy points. He never really projects, he doesn't force anyone else to experience anything like he did, nothing like that. He's just a cocky asshole who likes killing, and who eventually decides to start being nice.

This game constantly seemed to be speedrunning ways to get him from being twinkly to being Asriel as quickly as possible in almost every single route which... Huh???? It's weird. Would've been nice to let him be a star more rather than just Asriel...

(final amendment bc I lost a huge chunk of this essay originally and had to rewrite it, and I'm realising I didn't manage to fit this in this time... How does a single monster soul let him get his Asriel form again? Sure he's still treated as if soulless and it doesn't make him a good person, but if he was 'so tired of being a star', why hadn't he tried doing this sooner? It makes no sense...)

For a game that exists to give him a good ending, it's so ironic how little he needs to exist at all in this world. Just goes to show what it looks like when you go too far with 'fixing' things or removing stuff you seem 'too problematic' for the sake of being wholesome or whatever.

Chara

Speaking of which... Look I'm just gonna say it. This version of Chara sucks so bad.

Chara is one of my favourite characters - they're really interesting, morally grey, and a fascinating way for undertale as a game to interface with us as players.

They're a child who likely saw the worst of humanity, then found themselves in a home with family who genuinely loved them once they fell down and met the monsters. Their intense saviour complex made them feel like the best way to help their family was to sacrifice their own life to get enough souls to break them free (and once they realised they had control, get payback against the humans while they were at it). They could be mean-spirited and a prankster. They valued efficiency HIGHLY. Their favourite number was nine because it's the limit, the absolute, a way to stop hurting and to stop others hurting.

And by doing geno, you can push this fixation on stats further. Max out all your stats. Gain power. Get stronger. Become invincible. Nobody can hurt any more if the world is gone. And ofc, they stand as the final arbiter of consequences for the player. Your punishment for killing everyone and for pushing them into believing it needs to be completed. Chara both IS is and is separate from us in a way that can't really be fully disentangled and it's really, really cool.

Anyway, enough gushing about undertale Chara. What's outertale Chara in comparison?

... Nothing.

They're nothing.

Outertale Chara narrates occasionally. They're a ghost that follows frisk around, but aren't confined to that, and have been actively wandering the underground since their death. They also still have a SOUL for some reason? This part doesn't really make sense at all.

Other than sacrificing themself and maybe wanting to take out a few humans after Asriel absorbs them, they don't do anything that could be considered bad ever. The most devious thing they ever do is snatch Asriel's diary to leave a silly comment in there when they first arrive at the outpost (sans does this with Toriel's phone in undertale tpe for comparison lmao). Despite what Asriel seems to believe, Chara is completely absent from the chaotic route - never getting corrupted, never caring about our stats, never wanting to hurt anyone, never even trying to make us face any consequences. They're just... Not here. For a character so prevalent in the murder based route of undertale this is fucking wild.

They all but vanish if you so much as say something slightly mean to someone, too! It's strange, makes no sense, and just like with sans, it feels like they overcompensated waaaaaaay too much for the people who insist they're evil. On top of that, if you do chaotic before lv0, they don't even remember chaotic happening! They'd may as well have just been a member of the ghost family who likes following Frisk around when they're especially nice. Like Asgore and alphys, they've been sanded down and de-clawed to be 'wholesome' and 'perfect', and it just results in a bland, boring character who loses anything that made them interesting, nuanced and fun.

'Chara wasn't the greatest person'... Why, though? They don't have enough substance in this game for that line to really have as much impact.

Frisk

I'm gonna be honest - I actually ADORED their frisk at first, and I think that's because I started with a neutral run and ended up drawing them a lot. They felt silly and mischievous and interesting, and this continued into chaotic. They seem pretty chill with what's going on but then take that even further by being hilariously affectionate with Asriel and still doing silly things like being up for picking up the electrodampening fluid or drinking directly out of the fountain. They felt like a funny little mini-kris (save for being okay with all the murder ofc).

Then uhhhhhhh... That's when I experienced the second chaotic ending, the one without Asriel, as well as lv0. I feel like they definitely DID try to lean on the Kris angle on purpose in terms of their feelings on being controlled and stuff but it???? Just doesn't work very well? There's no ambiguity to this version of frisk once you've seen all the routes. Just like EVERYONE ELSE, they're just a perfect little angel who would never do anything wrong and anything past lv0 is just the eeeeeevil player influence or whatever. Come on, we have deltarune for that kinda approach to control 😭 (though even then, Kris is a layered and interesting character who isn't goodness and innocence personalised, and that's why they're cool)

In undertale, we have no idea what frisk is like as a person. WOULD they spare everyone without our influence? Would they kill? Would they be a scared child lashing out in self defense? Would they run from everything, then give up and let themselves die permanently somewhere? We just don't know! We're not supposed to know! It feels like it went back to the very early fandom interpretation where frisk is Good And Sweet and Innocent while Chara is evil incarnate - except this time they're BOTH the former.

It's a contradiction too! Why in the Asriel chaotic route are they so down to follow him, and pet him, and hug him every chance they get if they don't like all the stuff we're making them so? The player has no influence over Twinkly. Every single thing he did, he chose to do, and yet even if the only time frisk has seen him was him destroying their mercy button and forcing them to kill for him, they seem to love him to pieces and go along with whatever he says happily. What.

I feel like they didn't know what to do with Frisk here at all and it shows.

Other characters

This has been ridiculously long, but to quickly go over non-major characters... They did very few things to make Roman seem interesting, the amount of stuff hes implied to have helped Asgore with just reduces even further any influence or impact alphys had, and (a smaller nitpick)... Why didn't he use times new roman as a font when we DID see him speak in the archive/on the signal stars? It's such a missed opportunity...

Burgerpants was fun... Kinda. Developing him like this feels like something that should've happened DURING the actual game rather than before it though because it made him feel like a whole other person entirely? The poisoned food was very funny though.

Why is Snowy now Stardrake when his dad hasn't changed at all and Crystal looks like any other snowdrake? That was bizarre.

I actually really liked the humans! Establishing them as actual characters was really fun, and I especially like justice. Justice, at least in my opinion, is probably the most interesting character in this whole game tbh - someone who tried to do good but ultimately caused more harm than good, while NOT downplaying it, showing the consequences directly, and showing them work to try to make things better. The way we don't grab their item like the others in the twinkly fight nor go through an area for them in the archive (and just talk to them instead) really adds to their intrigue - what are they like? Who did they know? Is there something they don't want us to see? How are they strong enough to not need us to grab their weapon at all to lend their help? I think it's get funny that the only character I'm fully praising is the clover-adjacent one. Justice outertale they could never make me hate you

(that being said... seeing the way this game is clearly just supposed to be a 'fix' for undertale does sour my thoughts on the humans a little. did they only do this bc they thought them NOT being full characters in ut was bad/a problem with it? 🥴 This applies to the additional monster kid story focus too).

Speaking of monster kid... Them being an orphan was clearly just a plot device to give asgore more kids and therefore feel like he won more than Toriel. Monster kid in undertale seems like they probably did have real and loving parents, and they have a sister too!!!! Would've been nice if they'd at least done something with their sister :(

This got... Way longer than I expected, so I'll stop here. But outertale definitely gave me an even bigger appreciation for other ut fangames. My gripes with deltatraveler section 3 feel much smaller in comparison now, if tsus misses the mark on Flowey later down the line they've at least already done most characters so much more justice, and it really puts into perspective all the heart and soul that went into kissy cutie, as well as its genuine love got the source material and characters.

Sorry outertale, you weren't for me. That being said, if anyone disagrees with any of this then that's fine! These are all just my opinions and feelings on it after going through all the routes and talking about it with friends. Media is always gonna resonate with different people in different ways and that's a good thing! If your perspective on any of this is different and if you had way more fun with it, I'm glad you did and I genuinely wish I could've felt the same. I feel like at the very least, making it has probably been a great learning experience for the devs and I really hope they carry on making games and improving their skills. Hope y'all are thriving and having fun regardless 💙

[strong-with-the-sarcasm]

Revenant!Jazz thoughts Pt.2

Continuing from this post

This time, I’m thinking about Vlad and his reaction to all this. In the show he doesn’t particularly seem to care about Jazz in any way, probably because of his hyper focus on Danny and Maddie. I doubt he’s registered Jazz as a threat of any kind, much less to him.

If Danny winds up Bat-dopted, Jason or classic “Bruce stole another one” and the news catches wind of the new Wayne, Vlad would be livid. Danny is supposed to be his son afterall, doesn’t matter that it was Maddie who severely wounded her own son.

In the midst of Rogues dropping like flies, Jazz sets a trap for Vlad by baiting him with Danny. Her brother is never in danger, not with her around and certainly not with the bat family lurking nearby, but Vlad cannot help himself- he tries to kidnap Danny by overshadowing the adoptive parent. Jazz allows it to happen only until Vlad takes Danny out of the public eye, then straight up punches Vlad out of the person he’s overshadowing, sucking him up into a thermos she stole from the GIW and throwing it into an abyss.

Wouldn’t someone recognize Jazz then?

Beyond the walking dead look that came free with reanimating, Jazz walks, talks and looks completely different then she was in life. Memories shape us and without most of hers Jazz wouldn’t be quite the same anymore. Where she once walked with a relaxed gait and a calm demeanor, as a Revenant Jazz masters the murder strut, because that’s pretty much the only thought going through her head on a constant loop….Other than ‘make Danny Safe’ of course.

Who killed Jazz? (Asked by @someonebored0100 )

Originally I was thinking it would be either the Fenton parents in the GAV or the GIW, but then a delicious angst idea popped into my head….

Batman chasing down Joker led to him slamming into Jazz’s car, which resulted in her death and a new son for him to care for….

Batman says nothing when he brings in Danny, marks down Jazz’s death as a murder and does not go out as Batman again for a week.

Was Jazz autopsied?

Thee death rate in Gotham must be higher than any other city in the world, so the coroners embody (pun not intended) the phrase “overworked and underpaid”.

So no, she wasn’t autopsied, but they did make record of the punctured artery and removed the shrapnel by request of Batman for testing.

What happened after Jazz’s body disappeared from the Crematorium?

Bruce Wayne paid for the cremation personally, so it’s understandable the mortician would be Panicking at the very likely notion that someone stole a dead body paid to be cremated and sealed into an urn by Bruce Fucking Wayne.

If the mortician cremates an unclaimed body and slaps the wrong name on it, we’ll, add it to the list of morally questionable things he’s done as a mortician in a Gotham.

Thoughts about Jason’s reaction to a true Revenant?

Her veiny visage, with the broken sclera and eyes that seem to absorb light and give none back, horrifies Jason to the bone. Did he look like that when he dug himself out of his grave? Did the Pits actually do him a favor? It makes him wanna puke just thinking about how accurate his zombie jokes could have been… then makes him swear to stop telling those same jokes because clearly he’s no longer one of the walking dead if he looks better than this dead woman who looks just… horrifying.

Though once Jazz kills the Joker in the same way the clown killed Jason, he seeks out the Revenant and after doing some digging… swears to do whatever he can for her.

If this is Dad!Jason, then he’s very upset for Danny and Jazz’s tragic history.

No hardcover pairing this time?

Maybe? Doubtful, but it could happen. I don’t think it should though.

Does Jazz have a vigilante persona in this one?

Hmm, not exactly. She’s not tying to hide anything, definitely not her less than living appearance. She wears boots, a canvas jacket, jeans and gun holsters with hair that looks like a drunk toddler attacked it with dull scissors.

She doesn’t save anyone, not directly, but ending the rogues that killed so many earns her the name “Reaper” and it sticks.

What’s Danny’s reaction to all this?

We all know about the dark timeline that resulted from The Ultimate Enemy, Dan.

The Fenton parents are still hunting him down, Sam and Tucker are trying to move to Gotham, he’s been adopted by a Kevlar-clad billionaire furry who acts like a himbo with way too much ease for it to be all an act. He’s got a home that’s not an active threat to his afterlife and the food is the farthest thing from radioactive.

(Alfred Pennyworth nearly had a heart attack at the mere thought of a child eating radioactive food and that a piece of toast on his plate was a punishment.)

But… Jazz is dead.

It’s true that they hadn’t had the best relationship for the last few years, especially after his accident, but Jazz had become his rock. Sam and Tucker were his best friends, but they had no real idea what it was like to grow up a Fenton. Sure they had some context clues (was the giant portal entrance with the on-button inside not a giant warning sign?), but Jazz had kept him alive even as a kid herself.

She worked herself to the bone to make sure he had food to eat, some hours to sleep at night, and a shoulder for him to put some of the burden on her as Phantom. In the end, she hurt their parents to get him out of the lab and away from them.

She had died trying to get him to safety.

He’d seen her car, the wreck, the blood, the still radioactive substance he called his blood… he sat in the driver’s seat and cried for his sister- he wanted Jazz to tease him and call him ‘little brother’ again.

Sure, he had Cass now and several brothers, but nothing could ever replace Jazz.

It’s the thought that Jazz would be upset with him that keeps Danny from turning by his grief into a ghostly wail, to wreck everything and everyone.

Then he meets the Reaper. And he knows.

“Little Brother.”

/////////////////////////

What about the ending for Jazz you talked about?

That’s gonna be in another post, this one was getting long enough as is.

[viiiiiiiiiin]

JAJSJSJDJSD HELL YEAH

Sanji with bff reader who's trying to be his wingman and failing pls (either because sanji is really bad at picking up ladies or the reader is horrendous at wingmanning, heck maybe even both, you decide)

Next Time: Sanji and Wingman Reader

Includes: Sanji , Male Reader , Strawhats

A / N: STOP I LOVE THIS. LOSERS BEING BESTIES FR !!! I hope u don't mind that I chose male reader. I don't write much of them and I want a variety :) enjoy ! Sorry it's short @@

"Cmon Sanji ! You got this ! Do what we rehearsed !" You gave him a thumbs up and a toothy grin. The blonde haired gentleman nodded in return as you took your place behind the door.

Another failed attempt , you assumed by the way his head was hung downwards. You walked over to him and patted his back gently. "It's okay , Ji. You'll get 'er next time !" You laughed and threw your arm around his muscular shoulder.

"Maybe I should try a different pickup line. What do ya got , Reader ?" He asked , grabbing a notepad from seemingly nowhere.

"Ooh ! Ooh ! How about this ! Pretend to spill a drink and be like 'I tripped over my feelings for you . . .' That's gotta win Nami over for sure !" You spun around and grabbed out a poster board.

"What about something about tangerines ? 'You heart is as sweet and sour as a Tangerine' as you kiss her hand. That's gotta make her swoon !" The fact that both of you were so bad at picking up women honestly made the crew feel a bit bad. Why Sanji listened to your advice , the world will never know.

"How about for Robin - Chwan !" He said , spinning as he spoke of the dark haired diva. You placed a finger to your chin , deep in thought. Maybe a dark pun ? Maybe a history pun ? Before you could think , you spoke.

"Ooh ! How about 'you stole my heart like Doflamingo stole Dressrosa . . .' Thats gotta woo her !" You jumped up and down and smiled widely. "What if I gave her something as I said that ?? Or you could help me trip for the pick up line with Nami - Swan !" Sanji rambled as he swirled around , a love tornado of lust was what he was.

"Ooh ! Great idea !! You're so smart !!" Sanji closed his notepad and you both walked over to the ginger. She raised an eyebrow and you pushed Sanji , fake acting like you did it by accident. "Oh no ! I'm sooo sorry Sanji !" You snickered , watching as he fell to his strong knees.

"I tripped over my love for you , mademoiselle . . ~" He spoke smoothly , a perverted grin on his pale face. Nami picked up the book she was reading and smacked both of you in the head.

"That one sucked ! At least be mote creative !" With that , she stomped away and left the both of you with massive bumps on your heads. You both groaned and sat up.

"Fuck , another failure. I'm sorry , Ji. I'll figure somethin' out." You scratched your aching head snd looked sadly at the devastated cook. "Maybe you just haven't met the right girl ! Try flirting when we get to the next island !"

Your suggestion didn't go unheard. As you approached an island to restock supplies , you snd Sanji ran out to the nearest bar. "Try buying her a drink and saying she's as sweet as it ! Or I could spill it on you and you could say your love for her spilled over you !" You suggested as the both of you dashed to the nearest bar.

"Yeahh !! I got this !!"

He does not got it. You spilled the drink and it got ALL over his slacks and the ground. You both ended up being kicked out for causing a disturbance and made all the women laugh at yalls failed attempt at seducing a possible suitor.

You both walked out , dejected at the last failed attempt. You sighed dramatically and fell to the ground. "I'm sorry , Ji ! Next time !"

Next time. How many more 'next time's can he take ? You both were seemingly made to be best friends. One horrendous at flirting and the other horrendous at wingmanning. Next time , next time , next time. Would there be a next time ?

[smolcinnamonchipmunk]

Vampiric Thirst

(Old note: Throws this at you guys. Haven’t written in a while. I don’t know if that will change, but I couldn’t help but make this after the whole vampire event. Once more I end up disappointed by Obey Me events. I really need to lower my standards like I do for Ark, because as fun as the concepts can be, every event ends up feeling rushed and half-baked. They’re not gonna stop though because suckers like me will pay money for a dopamine hit because I have no meaning in life.

New note: Obviously taking some liberties to make it so that Solomon does actually have vampiric urges rather than just being a horndog because this game is literally mostly horny, but I crave plot and substance and have no interest in horny. Maybe I don’t want to fuck anyone, maybe I want actual stakes and near-death because if there’s no threat of dying, then what’s the point of living? Anyways, have something started last July, haha. It’s short, but I want it out of my WIP pile where it’s been judging me from the goddamn corner. I have a bunch of lore ideas with this given the events status being introduced after Nightbringers release, but I won’t get into it cause I’d need to refresh myself on OM.)

Word count: 3668

TW/CW: Soft, safe, nonsexual G/t vore, fearplay, blood, bloodsucking (I hate any word with suck in it, but it’s in here), prey in a stomach full of blood

__________________________________________________________

“Because I’m always craving you, Kat. So much so that I honestly could devour you.”

That… hadn’t really been what I had expected when I asked him why he seemed to be acting odd today when he walked into my room at Cocytus Hall to give me something, kind of freezing when some sort of realization went over him.

I couldn’t help the way my heart picked up the pace anxiously, despite having come across multiple situations similar to this one. Seeing Solomon with a similar hunger to Beel that was uncharacteristic of him made my anxiety spike a bit. “Buuut, you’re not. Right,” I asked nervously, unable to NOT notice the way his eyes glowed slightly as I lowered the book I’d been reading. I couldn’t help but keep my desk chair facing him, something instinctive decidedly not wanting to turn my back to him despite having been in far worse situations.

It didn’t seem to matter much as he touched his throat lightly, stepping slightly closer and replying, “I don’t think I could actually stop myself if I wanted if this keeps up… Kat, I know this is a sudden request but… would you mind if I drank some of your blood?”

“Wha- blood?” I blinked a bit in surprise, feeling a slight epiphany as I realized. “Ooh! I thought Vampiritis couldn’t affect you. Or did your hubris come to bite you?”

I intended no pun, but Solomon still let out a snort of amusement, though he also looked a tad sheepish like I had hit the nail on the head. I had told him that he should still be careful with the brothers himself, but he’d mostly brushed me off and said that he needed to keep his ‘precious apprentice’ from either catching Vampiritis or becoming a human-sized CapriSun to the afflicted demon brothers while that whole situation was figured out. But, it seemed like his rather attentive nature to me hadn’t extended to himself and he ended up contracting Vampiritis despite all boisterous assurances that he wouldn’t.

“Unfortunately, it appears that being around the brothers so much has infected me,” the sorcerer sighed, looking a bit dejected at having contracted the disease. His eyes seemed slightly glazed over and unfocused like he wasn’t fully in the conversation.

“Well, Barbatos might still have some of the antidote,” I replied, seeing him perk up slightly at the reminder, eyes refocusing with his normal clarity from the pretty obvious distractions on his mind. I set my book down on my desk and started to get up, adding, “I'm sure Diavolo will be able to-."

I yelped when there was a sudden weight against my shoulder and I was shoved back into my chair, looking up at Solomon with startled eyes. His own glowed slightly as he unintentionally loomed over me, looking caught off guard at his own actions.

“Uuuuh, Solomon?”

“I'm a bit a-... worried that I may not be able to hold back against my current thirst on the way to Diavolo or Barbatos,” Solomon admitted. “I'm afraid that if something isn't done NOW that I'll quite literally see red.”

“Really? Did you really try to make a shitty joke in the current situation,” I asked, but I couldn't make myself add any bite to it. His grip on my shoulder was firm and I could feel it tightening slightly each second, able to feel the shake in his grasp. Feeling overly aware of him with the proximity, I could barely hear the slight pant beneath his breath. I took a steadying breath of my own. “Look, I'll give you a LITTLE bit of blood. Just enough to hopefully ebb the hunger pangs, alright? Then we can go to Diavolo with your mind clearer.”

He jolted slightly at my suggestion, or maybe it was just my voice, and a conflicted expression passed across his face. He opened his mouth to say something but it didn’t come out for a few seconds, straining before saying, “I… Yes. Yes, perhaps that will help abate the hunger.”

I didn’t like how he hesitated as he said it or how his expression looked both extremely guilty and eager. But, despite the anxious feeling settling in my gut, I trusted him. To a point.

“Alright, well, first of all, you gotta back up a bit there, bud,” I planted a hand against his chest and shoved at him. His lips twitched in the barest frown before allowing himself to be pushed back away from me, giving me some much needed breathing room and some relief from being pinned by my shoulder to the chair. Absentmindedly rubbing the back of my neck, I thought aloud, “I kind of don't really trust you with my neck, so we're gonna go with… a wrist, I think, yeah.”

“R-Right.” Solomon looked like he was barely paying attention, hands shaking slightly as he bit his lip, seemingly trying to keep his mind clear enough. I saw a bead of his own blood from it.

I reached down and began to roll my sleeves up nervously, only slightly comforted by the sight of the protective charm on my right wrist. Once my sleeves were rolled I felt a bit awkward as I kind of held both out towards him. “Uhhhh, take your pick, I guess. Just don't bite too deep? I'm not sure if you could break my wrists by biting them, but I'd like to not test that too much.”

“I'll do my best,” Solomon presumably tried to give me a reassuring smile but it came out as more of a grimace. He gave up pretty quickly and carefully grabbed my left wrist like it'd snap at his touch. If Vampiritis gave him the cliche super-strength that movie vampires had, maybe it was for the best.

I was a bit surprised when the sorcerer kneeled to get better access to my wrist, feeling more than a little awkward - I probably should have stood up or figured something else out before offering my blood to him since he wasn't really in the headspace to think clearly - but the awkwardness was tempered by a familiar squeamishness that settled in the pit of my stomach. It was similar to, but wasn't quite as bad as, the nauseous anxiety I felt anytime I had to get my blood drawn or a shot. 

I managed to watch as Solomon raised my wrist slightly to his face, saw him open his mouth to reveal a glimpse of the elongated canines that were a symptom of Vampiritis and felt a bit of his breath against my skin. But I felt myself pale right as he opened his jaws wider and averted my gaze before he bit down, warned by the slight tensing of his hold on my wrist. 

There were two points of pain that suddenly bloomed along my wrist vein as the skin was pierced, making me yelp and stiffen. I managed to mostly resist the urge to pull away as I bit down on my tongue, but my heart skipped a beat as a twitch from my arm told me that he probably wouldn't have budged if I had tried to pull away properly.  

I swallowed thickly, wondering if he could taste adrenaline in my quickened pulse for a moment before the pain in my wrist faded startlingly quickly. It was cold and numb, like novocaine to my system, and I couldn't help but blink in surprise and look back. 

Only to immediately avert my gaze again with a fresh wave of dizziness and queasiness. 

"Okay, nope," I muttered to myself, trying to push aside the image of Solomon latched onto my wrist with a thin stream of blood trickling from the corner of his mouth and an almost blissful close-eyed expression out of my head. At least one of us was having fun. 

Thankfully, it wasn't too long before I heard the small gasp and slight panting as he detached from me. It had maybe been several seconds, probably enough for a full mouthful or two with the smaller veins in my wrist compared to my throat, but it had felt awfully long, and I felt the lingering squeamishness that I knew would remain for the rest of the day. 

"I hope that helped clear your head a bit," I pulled my wrist back to myself and gingerly touched a finger to the two beading puncture wounds as I started to turn my head to look at Solomon. My hand had a pins and needles feeling.  "I was a bit worried you'd-." 

My voice immediately became muffled as my mouth was covered by a hand, eyes widening and crying out in surprise when the force of Solomon lunging upward caused the desk chair to fall back. It hit the desk edge first before sliding to the ground, rattling my skull as the chair back hit the ground, making me grunt from the fall and ending up pinned beneath the feral sorcerer. 

"Mmph!" I blinked away my brief daze, looking up at Solomon's face in the shadow of the desk as panic flared across my pacts. His slightly glowing blue eyes were replaced by an intense red and I could see streaks of my own blood from the corners of his mouth. The feral looking expression was something I'd never seen in him before, but I couldn't summon anyone or use a spell with my mouth currently covered. 

There was a sharp tug against my neck as my choker was broken off, jolting me from my frozen shock. I squirmed and bucked beneath the sorcerer, twisting up and elbowing him in the face. The man HISSED at me and I took advantage of his surprise to shove his hand off of my mouth. Kicking at his chest to push him off me and retreat further beneath the desk, I began to recite a summoning spell. 

"Hear me and heed my call," I exclaimed as quick and clear as I could, feeling a pressure behind my eye. Solomon was sat from where I'd pushed him back, hand against his cheekbone where I'd struck him. His expression went from indignant surprise to one of uncharacteristic, raw fury. I saw him tense like a coil before trying to push forward off the ground to lunge towards me again. I quickly raised my leg, shoe planting firmly against his chest as it barely stopped him, knee almost buckling painfully against the force. “In the name of the sorcerer Katherine, I draw upon my pact with the ring of li-GHT!” 

My voice hitched as Solomon grabbed the ankle of the foot against his chest, pulling it to the side and yanking me closer. My heart raced, gritting my teeth as we scuffled in the cramped space beneath the desk. I tried to not fuck up saying the summon, while trying to stop him from stopping ME from saying it, while also trying to get my foot loose and scramble further back again. 

“Come forth, Mam-mphf!” I narrowed my eyes and grunted as Solomon let go of my ankle and managed to wrestle both of my wrists in one hand, covering my mouth again with his other. The pressure that had been building behind my eye fizzled out and disappeared dead in its tracks.  

The sorcerer wasted no time in descending on me, making me gasp in pain as my throat was bitten. I squirmed but could do nothing as restrained as I was, my pained panting lessening as the numbing began to settle in my neck, my hand still tingling from loss of feeling in the wrist. I heard the first swallow as he began to drink greedily and felt a rush of lightheadedness. Lightheadedness that lingered as more blood was stolen and less was able to reach my head properly, making my thrashing lessen alarmingly fast.

I tried to call out Solomon’s name, to try and appeal to him past the feral fervor that had overtaken him. But, of course, it came out as an easily ignored muffled shout that I barely heard over the blood rushing in my own ears and the sound of gulping.

Time slowed painfully as I remained pinned beneath the sorcerer, the lightheadedness and weak feeling in my body increasing every second. My limbs felt more and more like lead until my arms simply hung by my wrists in Solomon’s hold, now struggling to just keep my eyes open and focus on the wooden grain of the desk underside above, trying to not pass out with the fear that if I closed my eyes that I wouldn’t open them again. However, even that became too much effort and my eyelids slid closed.

I felt cold and tired.

I wasn’t sure how much time passed with my eyes closed but I realized that I was being nudged, barely able to focus on the voice, “Sh-Shit, Kat? Kat?!”

“Nnngh,” I groaned at being nudged again, eyelids twitching a few times before I managed to groggily force them open. My sight was blurry and I had to clear it with a couple blinks to look up at Solomon, who gazed down in worried panic with slightly glowing blue eyes rather than the red from before. I just felt an overwhelming wave of relief at seeing that he seemed to have come to. “Oh, thank god..”

I let out a relieved sigh, eyes closing again tiredly, adrenaline either long gone or drained and feeling exhausted relief at seeing Solomon alright. My brow twitched and furrowed as I was shaken, struggling to get out of the dazed stupor I’d almost immediately fallen into without realizing it.

I just wanted to sleep now, man, leave me alone.

“Come on, stay with me,” Solomon said, something brushing against my neck as he murmured some words under his breath. “I can’t have my adorable apprentice dying on me.”

“Mmmn-n-not adorable,” I grumbled weakly, managing to open an eye in an attempt to glare at him. He pulled his hand away from my neck and the glow of a healing spell dissipated in his palm. The healing spell didn’t clear away the blood on his hand and chin, making me wonder how bad I looked if HE looked this disheveled and blood-covered.

“I can’t believe that worked. You’re ridiculous,” the sorcerer laughed, but it was strained. He reached for something nearby and muttered another spell, adding louder, “Just try and stay awake while I try to fix this before the bloodlust becomes unbearable again. If this is how Beel feels all the time, no wonder he goes mad with hunger as often as he does…”

I groaned in acknowledgement, fighting to keep my eye open. I gave up and lifted a lead-heavy arm to drape lethargically over my eyes. “How much blood can I lose before dying?”

“Well, the average person can lose up to a fifth of their blood on average before going into complete shock. However, more than forty percent is almost certainly lethal.”

My lips pursed at the information, quiet for a few seconds before lifting my arm slightly from my eyes to peer at him and  mumbling, “I don’t like that you just know that.”

“You did ask,” Solomon replied lightly in an attempt to lighten the mood. He seemed satisfied with whatever he cast and started reaching for my neck again. His expression fell when I involuntarily flinched slightly away from his hands. 

“I-... s-sorry…”

“No. No, it’s… understandable,” he sighed slightly, grabbing my other wrist instead. My hand curled defensively as he lifted it up and tied my choker around the wrist. 

I let out a surprised noise as I felt a sudden surge of energy and slight warmth, having not realized how chilled I was with my lack of blood. Not enough to be jumping up and down or anything, but I didn’t feel like I was about to die anymore. I blinked at not feeling like death and gave Solomon a bleary quizzical look.

“It’s to magically help your blood levels. I can’t make something from nothing, especially in my mental state right now, but it'll keep you from dying to blood loss,” Solomon explained, giving me a guilty, apologetic, and shameful expression. He sighed and I felt like his eyes flickered for a second. “It's also to help you breathe and hopefully keep you clean.”

“Solomon. I don't like that you said that…,” I narrowed my eyes at him and shifted to try and push myself into a sitting position, yelping when my elbows buckled beneath me. Yup, still too weak to move much. 

“Don't strain yourself,” a hand planted against my shoulder to keep me down as the sorcerer looked at me with concern. He tried to give me a reassuring smile despite the obvious mental strain it was taking him to maintain control. 

Probably would have been more effective if there wasn't a slight discoloration on his face where I'd elbowed him as bruising started setting in, he hadn't literally just overpowered me, was on the verge of relapsing, and we were both covered in my own blood. In my slightly delirious state, I had to internally admit that it was quite a look.

“Sol-.”

“It's nothing you haven't handled before,” the sorcerer continued, interrupting whatever further protests or questions I had before he started reciting the now very familiar shrinking spell I’d grown accustomed to hearing from the brothers. 

Almost immediately the lightheadedness and vertigo took over, dazing me and making my vision swim. I barely registered the sensation of being lifted from the ground, my eyesight refocusing in time to see Solomon’s mouth open above me. The elongated canines that had punctured my skin minutes prior now framed the dark confines of his bloodstained jaws and the warm, shaky exhale that washed over me was saturated with the scent of iron. My heart skipped a beat.

I knew any protest or words would fall on deaf ears but as I was lifted closer to Solomon’s open mouth with his tongue extending slightly to lay over his lower teeth I couldn’t help but weakly say, “If this ends up killing me, I’m gonna kick your ass.”

There was another, sharper exhale from the sorcerer and a slight upturn at the corner of his lips before I was transferred from his palm to the slick, textured surface of his tongue, the muscle curling behind me and drawing me into his jaws. Saliva instantly soaked into my clothes as teeth lightly clicked shut behind me to leave me in darkness, able to hear and feel everything around me flex as Solomon instinctively swallowed some excess saliva.

His breathing was more noticeably ragged from within his jaws, huffing as his tongue quivered beneath me. I was confused, laying in a tired daze and wondering why nothing was moving, used to being tasted, sometimes with aggressive fervor. From the way I could feel drool pooling beneath my back I could tell that I was appealing to him, but the question of whether or not it was brought on by the Vampiritis would have to wait until later. I realized when his tongue only gingerly lapped at me a couple times before gravity began to shift that he seemed to be desperately holding himself back.

“Right,” I mumbled, letting myself slide toward the back of his throat. “Kind of attacked me.”

Solomon probably didn’t want to hurt me more.

I grunted slightly as a swallow quickly dragged me into his gullet and more hastened my descent down his esophagus, breathing restricted by the tight confines and each inhale laced with the tang of blood. Slipping past the collarbone was more constrictive and I was able to hear the sorcerer let out an exhale of relief, felt the odd sensation of being tightly hugged on all sides by peristalsis pulling me yet able to discern the sensation of him leaning forward slightly.

“I can’t tell how much of it is the Vampiritis but… this is unnervingly satisfying,” he admitted, voice resonating down to my bones in my descent. “I really hope you’ll be able to breathe. I guess I’ll find out if you don’t flail.”

There he went, mentioning breathing again. I was almost confused but as I felt the slight pressure beneath me that precluded spilling into a stomach, I realized that he quite literally had his fill of me. There wasn’t even a splash as I was forced into the organ, just slipping into a chamber of blood that I was thankful I couldn’t see. Whatever he did to my choker was allowing me to breathe, which I was thankful for considering I hadn’t exactly braced myself to hold my breath, and oddly enough each inhale was clean air instead of iron-saturated liquid. Potentially some sort of personal breathing bubble, I wasn’t exactly going to summon a light source in here.

“You’re good, Solomon,” I mustered the energy to shout up, feeling for the nearest stomach wall in the space expanded with my own blood. I tried not to think about it too much.

“Thank goodness,” Solomon let out a sigh of relief. Everything sort of sloshed around as he moved, the force of him shifting and standing up making me sink a little. “It seems eating you has tempered the bloodlust slightly. I was worried that I was going to drain you, felt like I was starving and greedy even though I feel full. Now, to get Barbatos and-.”

Solomon was interrupted by the sound of the door breaking open and slamming against the wall, Mammon’s voice shouting in a panic, “KAT!”

“Uh oh.” Solomon and I muttered at the same time.

“I assure you, this looks far worse than it is,” Solomon told Mammon, and considering how bloody and disheveled the sorcerer and my room was, I didn’t think the demon would believe that. 

All I could do was wish Solomon luck and prepare to potentially be sloshed around.

[legacyofmanwich]

Legacy of Manwich {2.1} Downhill From Here

Hey, Lillie! Looks like you're mentally stable and well taken care of!

Yes, you're seeing correctly! Martin really won the incel lottery in Lillie here. Not only was she willing to be impregnated by him, but she's also perfectly content being a total tradwife and never leaving the kitchen. Seriously, she cooks ALL DAMN DAY.

God, do you know how many dudes would kill to have a hot woman make them pancakes in her skimpy undies every morning?

King Martin: "I am the luckiest man in the world."

I'll say. Lillie's gorgeous. I'm a little scared how his genes are gonna mix with hers, though. Their kids have the potential to be really dumpy looking.

Lillie's pregnancy is already off to a really bad start. As soon as she conceived, her needs just plummeted and stayed that way. Honestly, I don't know why I'm surprised she's in the kitchen cooking so much, she's constantly starving.

COME ON! YOU'VE EATEN LIKE 5 ENTIRE MEALS TODAY!! Okay, fine, Martin just got home, you can make dinner for the both of you.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!

Lillie: "I'm huuuuungry, I don't wanna wait the 10 literal seconds it takes for Sim food to cook!"

I DON'T WANNA WAIT THE EXTRA 10 SECONDS IT TAKES FOR A SIM FIRE TO START, PUT THE FUCKING CREAMER AWAY

Lillie: "How'd it get burned?!"

Asking like it's anyone's fault but your own. I had her study fire safety after this because without fire alarms, every time one of these wieners opens the fridge my ass clenches with the dread of my ancestors.

Hey Lillie, should I go with the firecrotch joke for this frame or should I make a different fire-related sexual pun?

Lillie: "Do you think the baby'll be okay if we have sex?"

Eh, what's a little in-utero trauma?

Now that's pretty bad for the baby. Could you abstain from alcoholism until the thing's born, at least?

Lillie: "But I ate all the food in the fridge, this is all that's left!"

Lillie: "If beer killed babies, then they wouldn't sell it in grocery stores!"

Not to inspire any would-be baby killers, but you can buy a lot of things that are fatal to infants at your local Kroger. Speaking of which, Martin has some errands to run.

Six hundred dollars for groceries? THANKS BIDEN

I need to build a proper grocery store so you aren't going to the moldy-ass Weigel's every time you need sugar and milk.

Bully: "I am never going to show my face in any of these."

Are you in witness protection? Are you hiding from Sideshow Bob? You are the Sims equivalent of a Twitter troll with no profile picture and a handle like "george6783873827."

Bully: "NO I'VE BEEN DOXXED!"

Sorry, just wanted to take a picture of PHAROAH HOBBS, my favorite townie. He's like the bizarro version of Martin that's svelte and handsome and gets loads of ass.

I KNOW LILLIE I SUCK AT TAKING CARE OF YOU! I am so tired of her being pregnant, she is just constantly hungry and miserable.

Lillie: "Maybe I should take up a hobby. Like painting!"

Good idea! Let's get you an easel!

Okay, no, never mind, I think your creative impulses should be stifled.

Martin got a new job and a promotion, so I got to expand the house a little bit! Lillie's about ready to burst, and I only had enough money left over for one crib, so fingers crossed it's just a single baby!

These two are obsessed with each other, by the way. Without my intervention, they'd just make out until they starved.

Lillie: "I'm so tired of this painting!"

Wish I could say it got to stick around, but she had to sell it. Whatever dumb asshole bought it for 200+ dollars is a mystery.

King Martin is NOT AMUSED. He hung up on her lmao

What's wrong, buddy? Is it the massive amount of unpaid bills on the ground, or is it the fact that your imaginary girlfriend is trying to corrupt your wife?

King Martin: "I have a bad feeling about work today. :("

Aw, don't worry so much. What's the worst that could happen?

SIGH

Lillie sensed her husband's incompetence and immediately gave birth in protest.

King Martin: "HONEY HONEY STOP SCREAMING I GOT A PROMOTION!"

CAN IT WAIT YOU FUCKING ONE-UPPER?

BEHOLD, GENERATIN TWO!! Of course, Lillie had twins. Up top is Goneril, and down below is Regan. Only Goneril got Martin's eye color, Regan has all of Lillie's coloring. (For some reason this started a Shakespeare naming theme that I autistically adhere to for the rest of the legacy)

Huh? Why's Regan on the floor? Where'd Martin go?

King Martin: "Thank God that's over. Time to relax!"

THIS BETTER NOT BE A PORTENT OF NEGLECT TO COME

Good luck, babies! I have very little faith that your parents are going to be attentive or loving!

Next time: I'm right, they're terrible parents.

[banjo15]

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY

ELON MUSK

VS

THE IRS

Hola fellas! I’m the irs- hold on this is bullshit you got IBS? I do taxes and shit, cause I’m the best. Nothing is safe no matter how you invest cause I investigated you life a little, the way you treat your children should make you a criminal. Taking a human shield whenever you walk through a minefield, what’s the deal? And how come you steal billions of dollars, yet can’t end world hunger? 13 women become single mothers cause of your weird pro-natalism fetish, to be honest man I don’t fucking get it. You’re a horrible dad, shits bad so sad! Your children hate you, the dad they never had. Seriously, just leave at that point you needa call a cab, the way you and Donald trump interact? I think you’re a…. Facist.

Hold on what’s this talk about me stealing shit? Every cent of my wealth was do to what I did. I make rockets, cars, and I profit off it. Multi-billion dollar businesses make my profits skyrocket. Richer than Mansa musa or John Rockefeller, you think you can beat me? You’re worse than Hellen Keller. Cause I like free speech, except for those damn liberals. They’re criminals, they hate America, it’s probably something subliminal. They probably hate me cause they can’t be civil. So what about my kids? I fucking hate my son, she ain’t my daughter that’s no fun. You think just because she takes hormones and takes a surgery and goes home? She’s a lady now? What the heck, she still got an Adam’s apple in her neck. So what if I’m a facist? I have liberals to deck. Cause I was on top of the world untill someone mentioned pronouns, I think it’s profound how this shit sounds. And me and Donald trump? Historians say we were gay, but so what? We slay,

Alright first of all no you fucking don’t slay, not today not any day if that matters cause I’m like dr Seuss, I’ll give you cancer then I’ll leave you to die knowing… no one loves you. Cause everyone who comes out of your balls hates you, not even your own dad celebrates you. Your teachers called you a retard, YOU WERE FUCKING HOMESCHOOLED! Not cool, how the fuck does that happen? Your dad talking shit about you while you’re napping. At this point stop repopulating the earth and think about why you want childbirth. Cause you abandoned every 12 kids you impregnate, most of your children never see you anyways! No matter how much money you spend on Twitter

It’s X!

FUCK YOU FIRST OF ALL! I’m gonna tax you so hard you can only crawl! Cause you? You’re rich enough to escape the paparazzi. Doesn’t make sense how you became a fucking Nazi.

Hold on there, I’m not a Nazi. And all these swastikas? I’m not the one holocausing it! Not even a little bit!

Horrible pun first of all I’m gonna make you pay extra, dude. If you were penniless no one would send you a single nude!

I still hit though-

Well your shit sucks! You couldn’t even make a woman cum for 10 bucks!

And also- first of I’m not a Nazi, my best friend is black!

HEYO GUYS IM KANYE WEST IM A FUCKING NAZI, I hate the Jews AND THE PAPPARAZI. Asking about my day? Fuck off it’s 3 am anyways.

He doesn’t mean that-

The Jews-

*Elon musk physically restrained Kanye west*

He didn’t mean that shit on X!

Both irs and Kanye: ITS TWITTER DIPSHIT

*They both kick Kanye west out the room*

Even then, how the fuck you lose Half your money twice? I give you some advice, maybe shut up and be nice? You can’t even play video games right, how the hell do you think you’re gonna put up a fight when some deranged lunatic on 4chan tumblr or Reddit says forget it! I’m gonna make sure you’re affected by the actions, first of all everyone on tumblrs a nerd, everyone on Reddit is a virgin, but everyone on 4chan is both versions. I know you’re neurodivergent but that doesn’t mean scream “HEIL HITLER” whenever a Volkswagen comes on screen.

Who won? Who’s next?

[hard-core-super-star]

A request for hailee x reader. Reader is Hailees' main backup dancer. There are edits of the two over the years, fans speculate that the two are together due to the tension between them in said edits and videos.

one step forward, three steps back [H.Steinfeld]

pairing: hailee steinfeld x reader

summary: when hailee tries to convince you to ride the publicity wave and appear in her new music video, you’re forced to accept the truth of your feelings for her.

warnings: the weirdest mix of angst and fluff you've ever seen; stubborn idiots arguing instead of being honest; quite possibly the most dialogue i've ever written for one fic; one mention of the JA stunt because i am still bitter about it

wordcount: 1.6k

a/n: rubix stop mentioning sunkissing in everything challenge. don't mind me, just trying to manifest hailee's music back to life...pun absolutely intended. [ever write a song so gay you have to go into hiding as soon as it comes out? i'm sure taylor swift knows the feeling all too well] anywho, i got a little carried away with this one and it shows. hope you enjoy <3

* * * * * * *

If someone had told you your entire life would be flipped on its head just from a few short video edits and a trending hashtag you would have called them mad. Unfortunately, Emily Dickinson had a point when she said,“Much madness is divinest sense.”

The ‘madness’ in this case was the sheer amount of people who had started spreading the before-mentioned videos around and the ‘sense’ being your incredibly obvious feelings for the person who was essentially your boss. It’s a bit of an oversimplification, and the biggest reason you have not to tell Hailee the truth, but the point still stands.

You still have no idea how things got blown so out of proportion since the speculation around you two has been swirling around since day one. Clearly, not having any new music projects to focus on has driven her fans into madness.

It would be fine…if you and Hailee were still on speaking terms.

Are you being dramatic? Maybe a little but your friendship or relationship or whatever the hell it was that you two had going on at some point isn’t what it used to be. The blame isn’t entirely on her but your own bitterness about the situation tends to cloud your judgment sometimes…okay, most of the time.

Right now is a perfect example of it.

You’ve been staring at your phone for what feels like hours, mentally debating if you should give in and reply to Hailee’s text. You really, really, don’t want to but what other choice do you have? It’s not like you can ignore her forever, you’ve already promised her you’ll join her on her next tour, whenever it finally happens.

You decide to suck it up and agree to meet her for coffee. The last thing you need is to be seen hanging out with her right now but you’re sure it’s all part of the plan. A plan that probably didn’t come from the singer herself, but rather from the group of people who act like they want the best for her but are really just trying to sell her image like it’s a product.

Because who cares about morals and dignity as long as you get streams on your music, right?

You shove your bitter thoughts out of your mind for now and focus on getting ready to see Hailee again.

The hours simultaneously feel like seconds and eternity and before you know it, you’re sitting at a semi-secluded table in a random coffee shop with your knee bouncing up and down like there are ants crawling up your pants. No amount of breathing exercises or grounding techniques can stop your heart from hammering in your chest from the mere thought of the brunette.

You’re not sure what she wants from you, you just have a bad feeling about it. Although maybe that’s your broken heart talking, you can’t be sure.

You notice her the second she walks in and you do an awful job at pretending you’re looking at something on your phone instead of her. You act like you can’t see the smile on her face from this distance just like she acts like she can’t see you. Both of you look ridiculous but neither of you mind.

She finally joins you after another eternity of waiting and despite all the questions that are swirling around in your brain, you force yourself to wait for her to go first.

“I need your help with something.”

After months of not talking to each other, that’s what she leads with. You would complain about her lack of greeting but you’re grateful she’s getting right to the point so you can wrap this up and go back to avoiding your feelings. “That’s a bold start.”

She rolls her eyes, more out of habit than anything else. “It’s been five seconds, are we going to fight already?”

“I guess that depends on what you want me to do,” you reply.

“I want you in the SunKissing music video. We finally got the green light for it and it’s the perfect way to take advantage of all the buzz around the two of us.”

You can’t help but wonder if she’s joking. The ‘buzz’ around you two is just people speculating and piecing together the history Hailee has spent so long ignoring and rewriting. History that’s filled with arguments. bitter kisses, unspoken confessions and stolen glances.

You force the memories out of your mind. Along with the weird ache you feel every time you focus on Hailee’s eyes.

“Me dancing in the background of your music video isn’t going to be a trending topic, Hailee.”

She shrugs. “It will be if we kiss.”

“You’re joking,” you say, unable to hide the way her words take you by surprise.

“I’m serious.”

“You’re choosing now to come out? You think this will make everyone forget about your little stunt with the QB?”

Your mention of the New York stunt hits her hard and if you’re being honest, that’s exactly why you brought it up. You’re not interested in turning your private life into Hailee’s next big scandal. Even if it means pissing her off until she changes her mind.

The way she clenches her jaw is all you need to know you’re not going to like her next words. “It’s not a coming out. It’s an acting project.”

“You’re never going to change are you?” You ask, not sure whether to be impressed or disappointed by her idea.

“Come on, y/n.” She leans forward and places her hand on top of yours. You half-expect a camera flash to accompany the action but you seem to be safe for now. “You know you’re the only person I trust with this.”

Her words would be cute if you hadn’t fallen for them already. Multiple times. It’s always been the same way with her. She gives you a few months of her attention, makes you believe your unspoken affections aren’t one-sided, just to rip it away from you the second you think you’ve made progress.

“You’re the last person in this room who should be talking about trust.”

“Oh my God!” She leans back, her hand slipping away from you and taking any hope of avoiding an argument with it. “When are you going to let that go?”

You’re not even sure what she thinks you’re upset about this time. The list is so long, she could be referencing anything and be completely right. And yet somehow, you’re the one who’s in the wrong for still being upset.

“When you apologize for being a piece of shit,” you say as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Which it is. To you, anyway.

The brunette across from you clearly doesn’t feel the same. “That’s unfair.”

“Leading someone on is unfair, Hailee.”

“You are so stubborn. How the hell did I ever sleep with you?”

You can’t tell if she’s joking or not but either way, you don’t want to hear another word from her.

“I’m leaving,” you say as you rise to your feet, ignoring your half-finished drink and the flash of regret that passes through those brown eyes you can’t help but love.

“Shit, shit, y/n, wait!”

“I already did wait or did you forget about that too?”

You don’t give her a chance to answer instead choosing to ignore her rushed apology and walking away like you should have done when this whole conversation started.

You make it about six feet away from the entrance when you hear Hailee’s voice calling after you. “Will you do it if I tell you it was my idea?”

It’s a desperate attempt for your attention and yet you fall for it all the same. Everything inside of you is telling you to leave but you can’t. Not when you’re this close to getting her to be honest with both herself and you.

“If it’s the truth,” you respond with your back still facing her.

“It is.” The scent of her perfume overwhelms you as her hands grip your waist. You fight back the urge to move away from her and allow her to turn you around to look at her. “I told my label it would be good publicity but honestly…I just really miss you.”

You can’t stop yourself from laughing. The sound comes out softer than you thought possible. “You couldn’t call like a normal person?”

“We’re not normal people, y/n,” she says, the ghost of a smile lingering on her lips. “You know that better than anyone. You know me better than anyone.”

“Do I?”

She takes a step closer to you and you hate the way your eyes instantly drop down to her lips. It’s an instinct that no amount of time away from her can rewrite. “Let me prove it to you. Please.”

“You’re not going to fix this with a few kisses, Hailee.”

There’s an unspoken promise in her eyes. One that says she’ll kiss you as many times as she has to until she proves you wrong. And you have no doubt that she will.

Her hands move up from your waist to cup your cheeks. Her movements are slow and careful almost as if she’s waiting for you to change your mind.

In a way, you do because whatever remaining doubt you had about your feelings for the brunette fades away in an instant. You push away all your hesitation and close the gap between your lips.

It’s the sweetest kiss you’ve ever shared. It’s full of almost inaudible sighs, gentle touches, and the overwhelming truth of your desires. Mainly, the desire to keep going.

“One chance,” you whisper as you pull away. “I’ll help you with the music video. I’ll let you in again. Don’t make me regret it.”

“Promise.”

You’re about to tell her not to make promises she can’t keep but she kisses you again before you get the chance to.

[ochobiiiiit]

Note for readers:

[I'm writing this series of entries expecting that everyone who reads it has already played Pizza Tower. At the very least you should know the levels.

Even though I'm making an analysis of every level, I'm not going to explain absolutely everything and/or go super in depth on it. If you're an outsider, you're also welcome in this blog, but understand that this isn't a comprehensive look for the people who are not familiar with the game]

Recommendation to read the entries while listening to music from the artist Alysha Sheldon for a better experience, trust me :3

Entry No. 03

(Let me tell ya... I have some thoughts on this one...)

Ladies, Gentlemen and people of non-conforming identities. I'm not gon' hold ya... I'm not a fan of Ancient Cheese.

I'll avoid my biases to the best of my ability to give you the full picture of the stuff I have to say about the level... But I call this section "Overview and THOUGHTS" for a reason. And I think this level is mid...

for Pizza Tower standards anyway.

See, a thing with Ancient Cheese is that, even when I don't hold this level in high regard... I have to admit, it would be a solid level in any other game of this kind. But when your surrounded with premium quality (PizzaScape and Bloodsauce Dungeon)... is hard to stand-out.

So... Theming:

I had to google what the theme of this level was when I first played this game back in 2023. I think that's enough to tell you how well executed the """""ANCIENT GREECE""""" theme of this level is. My best guess was "Ruins", but that's not the same (I'm not getting into that discussion).

Okay--yes, at first I didn't get the pun in the name because I'm an idiot. But even when I realised it, I thought: "Is it really?".

If I have to actively look for stuff that tell me that this level is based on something, clearly, it didn't put much effort on doing so.

I know there are things that reference ancient greek art. But those are scattered around the level, they're very few at that, and the ones that look like it the most are towards the end of the level.

IT'S. NOT. ENOUGH!!!

The colors don't help either...

This mix of different shades of purple and orange, while very well used and a color palette that I like... Yeah, not the right pick if you ask me.

I'll give it some credit, tho... It looks good. There are like 4 different tile sets and backgrounds. I like how this level looks... when I ignore the fact that there's supposed to be a specific theme.

But yet again... WHERE THE FUCK IS ANCIENT GREECE IN ALL THIS?!

I know, I sound like a broken record. But understand that it's really weird to me that this is the only level where the theme is, at best, implied. But I'm gonna stop.

Before we continue... Why is the Treasure a jar of peanut butter? Why not... you know... A block of cheese? It doesn't have to be a specific type of cheese, but why is it like this? Maybe I'm being nitpicky here, but I just don't get it.

Okay, let's talk about the level design now:

It's... fine. It sounds like I'm low-balling it, but I think is just above John Gutter but below PizzaScape.

The level starts with wider spaces, and slowly encloses itself. But I do feel like the areas in general are a little... empty.

The disappearing cheese platforms are cool, the level uses them well, like in the part where you pick Gerome.

You have to turn last second to drop down, that's neat.

Also this part is exhilarating, it's a short rush of adrenaline, and I like it.

Aight' let's get this out the way. The inconsistency in the pacing of Ancient Cheese is the main reason I'm not to fond of it. There's a difference between balancing things out so the level gives you some room to breath, and cutting things short with a gimmick that's not fun but annoying.

Yes, I'm talking about the stupid bombs.

These things fucking suck.

You better be sure not to miss ANY throws, cus' you move slow when you hold one of em' and if you miss, you'll waste time recovering and, BOOM, you lost your combo. Oh, and you can't be too close when you throw them because the explosion still hurts you.

As I said, the way they mess with the pacing of the level is really annoying. I think no one would dislike em' as much if they were used less frequently in the level and in areas where they didn't feel as shoe-horned in as they are.

After getting this out my chest, I feel a lot lighter now.

Peppino POV:

If you think most of my criticisms with Ancient Cheese come from the Peppino run: first, get out my walls; second, you'd be correct!

Peppino is set to have the worse time in this level cus' he has to throw the bombs in an arc that's easy to miscalculate. I've missed more bomb throws in my time with this game and P-Rank attempts to it than I'm proud to admit. Now I'm very consistent, but I still don't like it. I think the only part that I actually enjoy with the bombs is in the second secret. You run a little course while holding one, but that's because it doesn't feel forced. Apart from that... Yeah the level is nothing to ride home about.

Noise POV:

Noise actually gets the upper hand here. The way he uses the bombs doesn't suck as much. You're still slow, but Noise holds the bombs with his mouth, meaning that you don't have to throw them because they explode on contact. Also, his faster movement and airborne focus improves the pacing... Cus' you don't have to stay in this level as much.

I'm going to give you just one tip, and it's for the Peppino run.

If I didn't make this clear already, let me spell it out for ya...

DO NOT RAW DOG THE BOMB THROWS! YOU WILL MISS!

These are some examples of what you can do when it comes to the bomb throws in order to, you know, not fuck it up.

I know that one's mindset changes drastically when in a P-Rank run. But you can still take a second to position yourself and throw it at just the right distance so it hits the target, or in the case of the second example... delay yourself by jumping down and throwing mid-air. Mind you, the first example is what happens more often.

So you'll need some trial and error to realize how far the bomb goes when yanking it and get used to how close or far you have to be in relation to the rat.

But remember, don't just follow your instincts and throw it at the first "chance". Take your time to develop some muscle memory for the (stupid, pace-breaking, fun ruining) bombs.

Mid, end of sentence.

Peppino Run:

(Derogatory)

Noise Run:

(Derogatory)

The Level Itself:

Final Score:

[curligurl0896]

Especially late with this post. Should probably stop commenting on it bc it's probably gonna continue being a thing.

For this book, we're starting off with ecoterrorism! Enjoy it while it lasts, folks, bc these animal saving shenanigans sadly don't last forever

Love how Jake's already become the team dad at this point. Like that part where Cassie tells Rachel that Jake will "read her the riot act" gives the vibes of "If Dad finds out about this, we'll be grounded for life!"

Don't remember this bit before but Rachel commenting on Marco suddenly being a lot more eager to do Animorphs stuff. Like we know why the change in attitude, but I didn’t remember anyone else commenting on it besides Jake in the last book, who also knows the real reason behind it.

Aww yisss, the iconic grizzly morph has now been acquired! The "Bearenson" puns may now commence.

Oh no! Our brave Animorphs are about to be eaten in roach morph! They're stuck, with no way to escape! How are they ever going to survive this? Why, with a deus ex machina, of course!

A very literal deus ex machina, that is.

I made a post about it in the past, but I can't help but wonder if the way Tobias appears in this meeting with the Ellimist, fully human, was truly done intentionally by the Ellimist to manipulate them, or if it's possible that this is a reflection of Tobias's self-image, as he's human in this but a hawk during the meeting in book 26.

Is it still a deus ex machina if the Ellimist put them back in the same situation they were in before he stopped time? Like I guess he gave them the opportunity to figure a way out for themselves, but still.

Can someone explain how the fuck did they manage to demorph and remorph right smack dab in the middle of the Yeerk Pool without their secret getting exposed? Like it literally said they were in full view of Controllers when they bust out of that Taxxon? I mean maybe the Animorphs were so covered in Taxxon guts that the Controllers couldn't tell they were human, and/or somehow didn't see any morphing, but still. If I didn't know any better I'd think Ellimist shenanigans are involved here as well.

Poor Rachel having to deal with her dad dumping a huge decision on her along with everything else in her life. People have already pointed out that her dad sucks, so I won't say anything more about it, but yeah.

ABC quote of the week (like I've been doing that regularly and not just whenever) bc Ax has a point lol

Tobias was really done dirty in this alternate future. Like obviously he wouldn't have been able to be infested, so the Yeerks wouldn't have any use for him, but straight up roasting and eating him like chicken? With barbecue sauce? Real fucked up there man

Love how the Ellimist asks them to make their choice, but when they all decide yes, the Ellimist is like "lol NOPE!" And doesn't take them. Like it doesn't say but I feel like the Animorphs must've been at least a little bit pissed off after that.

Another quote? Only bc Ms. Paloma definitely wasn't prepared to be possessed by a god today:

Also, when I read this book as a kid, this was literally the first time I heard of the butterfly effect. Just a little random thing I feel like I should mention.

And just like that, we finish this book off with a smashed Kandrona, and that's all for this time! Next up, the first Megamorphs!

[negative-speedforce]

Caitlin Snow and EoWells for the character thing? <3333

Caitlin

How I feel about this character

Love her. Wish she had more autonomy as a character. Should have been canon aroace.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

MAYBE Iris, but emphasis on the 'maybe'.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

HER AND CISCO are just *chef's kiss*

My unpopular opinion about this character

She would have been more interesting if they stopped giving her stupid love interests and only focusing on that.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

She should have been canon aroace. Maybe I'm just a sucker for the "not actually icy heart" metaphor but having a subversion of that trope would have been so cool (pun intended). Like, yeah, the character with ice powers is aroace, but she loves her friends and family and stuff.

Eowells

How I feel about this character

BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK-

I am so feral about him. So very feral.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Barry, Hartley, and Cisco

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Him and Nora West-Allen. I don't see them as romantic at all, but their dynamic is so interesting.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Eobard isn't a psychopath. In fact, I'd argue that he's quite the opposite. He has feelings, and it seems he feels deeper than some people, he just sucks at emotional regulations, and unfortunately, his go-to coping mechanism for those emotions is homicide.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Address the dude's trauma! Canon was absolutely terrible at addressing trauma in general, but I'd love to see canon deal with the fact that Eobard is an absolutely terrible person and he's also a deeply traumatized individual.

[cloudychao]

Monochrome Series: Red A lifeless story about a world without colors. It follows Nathan Fenton whose learning about colors and the people around him.

Life didn't always suck.

I didn't need colors in my life because seeing blacks, whites, and greys was amusing enough for me. Sure, rainbows were a little boring or my shirts all look the same, but I was fine.

Red? I was told that was the color of apples- But I was also told apples came in the other colors. Red is what an anatomical heart is or what color Joni's cheeks are supposed to be when I braid her hair. It's my mom's favorite lipstick color when she visits dad at work or the tie he got from mom.

Red seems to be the color of love if Joni tells me that's what her valentine card is. Is love the roses that my twin Sammy hides in her room or the dress mom wears out on her anniversary dates with dad?

I learned that red is also constant pain. It weighs me down with its every reminder.

At school today, there was a quiz. It was a normal day until a spike of pain tore through my abdomen. I called to go to the bathroom. The pain got worse the closer I got to the bathroom stall.

I see that I peed my pants? Man, that sucks and hurts for some odd reason. I never even felt it. I decided to stay in the bathroom the whole day in embarrassment while I keep leaking.

During lunch, I get a knock on the stall.

"Hey man, I didn't take ya the type to ditch! You should have let me know so we can go home together." The cheery voice of my friend Brett calls out.

"Dude, I didn't even want to ditch but my stomach is killing me and I think I peed my pants." I grumble into into my arms and knees.

"Really? No worries bro because I got my gym shorts here for you and you should just wash out your clothes." I hear a bag rustle.

"I think I'll just go home after borrowing your shorts." I shrug and open the door to grab the shorts to quickly change into. It still feels icky, but better than nothing.

I walk out to toss my pants into the sink for cleaning. I hear Brett gasp.

"BRO? Were you stabbed?! Why do you have blood on your pants?"

Blood? I squint at my pants and do see a darker color on them. Huh, I guess it was red and that's why I was in pain.

"Maybe I have internal bleeding? I was peeing out blood." I shrug and wash my pants.

"Dude hold up. I think you gotta go to the nurse right now! What if you need an ambulance?!" Brett is now freaking out with him twisting his bracelets and trying to not quicken his breathing.

"Hmm, probably?" I roll my eyes at his dramatics. Drama princes I swear.

He grabs my hand to stop the cleaning and we immediately rush out to the nurse.

Turns out it was nothing serious and I just needed some items for my underwear next time it happens again. My stomach stopped hurting once she gave me painkillers and hot compress. Can't believe half of the population experiences this every month of their cycle.

Brett and I had to get the talk about puberty which was not on my list of things today, but she let us stay in her office until the day was over. Brett stayed on his phone while I was laying on the bed like a corpse, accepting my monthly fate.

The door slammed open with our mutual friend Meg, who Brett was probably texting the whole time I was getting check out. Brett started to barrage her with puberty questions that got her riled up enough to slap his shoulder.

Behind Meg was Joni, trailing with my bag. She set it down next to my leg and also handed me a Reese's. My face scrunches in confusion at this gift since it was not Valentines Day.

"Meg was telling me this would help. The other girls always complain to me about it even though I don't get them, but the least I can do is get them their favorite chocolate bar." Joni's impassive face doesn't even twitch as she sits next to me.

"Really? That's pretty sweet of you." I grin at my double pun.

Her eyes roll at it.

Red is painful every month, but love soothes those painful moments in life. There's gonna be rougher times, but this small red problem is not going to get me down right now.

( This is a humans only universe using my DP sequel characters. There is no need to read about my DP sequel to understand this short series. )

[who1ssheesh]

NSFW with s/o and squalo??👀

Squalo NSFW Headcanons

Notes: Yes. Just yes. Actually these are nastier than Xanxus ones (oh look, someone is getting comfortable here, dirtiest kinks when???? (please ask please))

Warnings: minors do not interact obviously, not proofread at all, brief mentions of anal and pegging (if you don’t like idk…..)

• Hey listen, he’s actually 10/10 and really attentive when needed

• But still feelings are a turn off for him, and I mean it. Unlike Xanxus, Squalo is a beta male loser, he can get really confused with love-bombing and all that sappy stuff. Like…..he already hates this in a regular setting, and in sex it’s a cringefest for him.

• HuGE on getting praised. You better keep going about how good he is, I think he can cim undone only from this. What an egomaniac mf

• Probably has oral fixation both giving and receiving. A thick layer of lip gloss can make him hard, no jokes. If you ever get an idea of getting your lips injected, Squalo would be interested way more that he should be. (Don’t get me wrong, he like any lips as long as they’re yours)

• Just use a lip plumper for a 100% sex, works as a terraria boss summon 💀💀💀

• If you ever suck him off under his desk while he works, Squalo will never let it down, he thinks that was hot for some reason

• He is a sucker (pun intended idk) for oral himself, can some HOURS between your legs to the point you start crying. And he still doesn’t stop

• There is a lot of “over-” with Squalo, overstimulation included. He is going to make sure no one ever can compare to him

• Actually a point for crying while having sex. Maybe you’ll notice you are becoming a little of a crybaby since your tears turn him on oh so much.

• Having passionate sex with you crying right after a nasty fight and him whispering praise and apologies on you ear is a very hot-hot scenario for Squalo, but he will never tell you this because of course

• He actually doesn’t have that much experience (especially with his kinks lol he is a bit shy with those) and because of that is nervous a bit, but exploring his preference is a nice adventure, you can tell just be the look on Squalo’s Face if he likes something a lot

• Hey hear me out…As much as he likes to fuck the brain out of you, you can…..do the same in return. Squalo actually doesn’t know he needs this, but you overstimulating him to the point of eye-rolling is a heavenly experience + idk what about you, I would cum just from seeing THAT face on him omg

• I’m pretty sure, he has some nasty kinks in his sleeve to the point he just won’t tell you. Something like a wild card idk.

• First of all, let’s get it out, he is orientation-confused.

• Squalo probs fantasized about threesome with someone (let’s say Dino, why not?), which goes both ways

• Once was way too drunk and had a thought of threesome with you and Xanxus, still twitches in horror remembering this. Just a fun fact lol

• He COULD be up for pegging, at least trying. He doesn’t like the idea of being sub at all. Squalo can like the experience actually, but still being the bottom icks with him and he will be bitching about it

• Holy shit, he is risky too much (what else being expected from someone THIS self-assured). In general, you having vibrators in public inside of you can be a common practice for you two. Also is anyone ever calls you, he makes you pick the phone and thrusts much harder into you, good like with that lol

• His cock is average in girth, but is long, can touch you soul istg

• The idea of having sex while someone watches might be also in his head?

• Not opposed to anal. Not like a kink, but like doesn’t see a difference between vaginal and anal, pick what you prefer 💀

• Unexpected, but he doesn’t like hair-pulling. Xanxus does that a lot when posted, and Squalo has very bad associations with that. But touching his scalp or massaging while he is eating you out he loves a lot

• Squalo is still a beta loser, he occasionally likes slow passionate sex, you can even say something sappy meanwhile

• Doesn’t like role-playing at all, cause likes experience and feelings be sincere, but does enjoy lingerie

• Also can be into clothed sex? Squalo goes feral seeing you disheveled and dress lifted up just in the fight spots. Or him being fully clothed while you being naked

• Thigh riding pretty please :) More of a way of you begging for his cock, seeing you desperate is hot

• He likes blood, I headcanon, cause well…shark….Squalo…

• I’m not talking about biting (well, not ONLY, cause your thighs are going to ache from his bites), im taking about period sex. Yeah I’m disgusting and???? You are too 💀💀💀

• Whisper in his ear what you want to do to his or vice versa. The things he can say to you even while being in public can turn your head around. He can also tell about some random fantasy if something triggers one

• He DOES want you to become a swordsman, maybe I’ve said that before but I don’t remember if you ever are interested, you are doomed for life. You think Squalo wants a shared hobby? lol no you nerd, he just wants to ram you into the floor right after the training session right there with your swords lying around

• If you ever have a hung body, Squalo will feel guilty, you can trick him into giving you a massage (and he’s good in this) but no guarantee his hands won’t travel into wrong places. Wink wink

• His hands deserve their own headcanons: slim, long and dexterous (he is good at tinkering with his mechanisms), also his metallic hand can be a different experience as a whole

• Can fall into a bdsm pit. He haven’t thought about it much prior, but if you’re an enjoyer, Squalo picks it up as well and has a lot of fun with this. It all started with tying you up but here we are………..

• + blindfolding added to this. You not expecting what Squalo has in mind turns him on

• Likes when you use your hands on him (interpret in any way you want 💀 but im talking about handjob mainly). Even you having your hands on his chest while riding him is good enough

• Squalo likes feminine slender hands and is a huge sucker for long nails. Scratch his back as much as you like, he doesn’t mind

• Getting back to oral fixation - he will make you suck his fingers often

• Squalo likes direct the most uncomfortable eye-contact while he thrusts into you. Or even eats you out, idk. He will grab your neck if needed, and his wild eyes make you wet tbh

• Likes choking, on himself also

• Squalo is very vocal in bed, did you expect anything else lol? He usually tries to be silent (and you can tell) but if you duck the souls out of him then holy shit is he loud

• Also likes you being loud and expressing how he makes you feel. If you are the silent type, Squalo has another type of enjoyment making you scream, no less

• Ass man but can’t get past boobs. Why take one if you can have both?? In all seriousness, he likes more your chest as a whole, collarbones infatuate him + takes another enjoyment in nipples, he will suck and nip them a lot. Even can Maggie your breast without a sexual intention, Squalo just likes them

• His nipples are sensitive btw, you can have some revenge

• Now back to ass man. You better be careful with wearing tight pants 💀 Everything that attaches to it ( → thighs for example) Squalo likes equally. Thighfucking maybe?? Question mark??

• Squalo can possibly have wicked fun spanking you and making you count every slap. Starts all over again if you stutter

• Compared to Xanxus he is much more fun tbh in a way of being adventurous and pretty trouble-free about any idea you have. If you open somehow his the most wicked kinks, you won’t find the same fucked in a head man ever again lol. Unique experience would recommend