#<- btw if this doesnt end up happening its not that i lied. which happens often. but rather that i simply failed

[manticorecure]

clownzy and chiefzy as little animals in flowers...

[random-remzy]

My first OC when I was 11 and created him for the first time.

vs. My first OC when I was 16 after I gave him trauma, a backstory, and eyeliner.

(his pin says 'slut' btw, he's my lil bi-bitch-boi)

These were drawn a couple montsh apart actually which says a lot.

in all honesty, when I drew the first one, i had already revamped his lore. I just hadn't fleshed out his design yet so i went with the old one just for nostalgia y'know?

Also i do this thing where for every character (both OC and fandom) i draw, i always give them their own signature and i am loving the new one that i gave him cause' i love him to bits.

Also I lied. He's not my first OC he's actually my second. (But considering i have like- 20, I think its fine) I'll draw the actual first Oc another time.

In a way you can assume that the ages i was when i made these were also the ages that Maki was at the time? Like- the first one is Maki at age 11. Tho the second one is Maki at age 21 so- uh. yeah whatever.

WARNING! Severe OC yap under the cut, proceed if ye dare! (also tw for sensitive topics)

Meet: MAKI NASEERO

Trigger Warning!! Mentions of sexual abuse, prostitution, alcohol addiction, unhealthy coping mechanisms, depression.

He was my second OC to be created. The first one was actually his twin sister! Mali!

He's from the "Windows" Universe

He and his sister were orphaned at a young age due to mysterious circimstances. They grew up in an orphanage, and got a place together at 16.

During high school, he was well on his way to earning a scholarship and wanted to become a pediatrician. However, he suffred sexual abuse at the hands of his teacher, as well as his girlfriend at the time. The mental turmoil and subsequent depression caused his grades to slip and while he did pass, his chances of getting into medical school were ruined. He kept the abuse from his Sister, and she did not find out until about a year later.

His sister left for college, she did not want to leave him in the state he was in, but he reassured her that he was doing better and encouraged her to go.

This was a lie, after his siter left, he fell deeper into his depression to the point where he started drinking to drown out the pain.

When he was around 18, he met Kayden. A 40-something man who ran a brothel, at a bar. Kayden mentioned in passing that they were hiring, and Maki lied about his age and said he was desperate.

At first he worked as a bartender at the place, however after a few months he became on of the prostitutes there. He was given a place to stay there along with some co-workers (all people who struggled to get by, or were hidung from people) Kayden is a very loving man and doesnt refer to them as employees or workers, instead they're a part of his family.

Maki uses his job, his addiction and more toxic relationships to distract himself from the thoughts in his head and the idea of getting better is something he has fully given up on.

Until one day he's at a cafe and accidentally crashes into a server, thus covering said server in his coffee. This servers' name is Cameron. Maki is mortified, apologizes, and whilst he frantically tries to clean up his mess, ends up getting Camron's number to "Pay for damages with a date"

Maki, convinced this is going to go exactly like his other relationships, decides to go on that date after all. And he is surprised to find he genuinely enjoys Camron's company. So they meet for another date, and another. and another. And suddenly Maki is falling in love with him, and he is absolutely terrified of what is going to happen because he can't ever keep a relationship for long.

So in an attempt to push Cam away, he blurts out that he's a sex worker and that his literal job is to cheat and Cam deserves someone better than that. Cameron is surprised, but not judgemental, he says that's fine, and he understands. People need to do what they can to survive. Wether that survival is financially based... or psychologically based.

His relationship with Cameron continues and when they move in together, he realizes that Cameron is here to stay for a while. He changes from being a prostitute to being a bartender agai. Kaden desn't complai, or argue, he's ust happy that Maki seems happier.

He did try to get clean from his alcohol addiction. And after several replases, and fights with his boyfriend, he decided to go to therapy.

He still has his bartending job, still lives with his boyfriend, and at this point in time, he's saving up to revisist his dream of becoming a children's doctor.

~ * ~

uhh- damn. amirite??

this is probably not what you were expecting. But- He's my lil boi. (i say after i just inflicted a lifetimes worth of trauma on him)

but yeah- :>

DO NOT STEAL/REPOST MY ART! DO NOT USE MY ART TO TRAIN GEN AI!

[cringe6fail6star6]

Headcanons for @bluewizard1 au

Madoka magica au where thragg is an incubator; @bluewizard1 suggestion n author of the au.

(Btw idk that much about the anime so i should watch it first before writing it buuut)(lol canon innacuracies r intentional)

(Written before watching)

Something happens in readers life, lets say their pet dies in a horrible accident n thragg happens to be near. Feeling their sorrow he comes and suggests giving them 1 wish but they become a magical girl(gn). Reader agrees if he becomes their pet permanently. Hes baffled but he does need a magical girl(gn) to kill witches so gives that wish.

Fast forward a few days thragg is officially accepts being a pet

The most talktative pet u will have. He doesnt shut up. You two at home and youre cooking/studying/working? Hes meowing. Youre dealing with a witch? Hes meowing. Youre trying to have a conversation with other magical girls? Hes meowing over you. You have an office job? He breaks in and meows for the whole office to hear. Youre in the bathtub? Hes sitting next to you and meowing. It gets worse when he reveals his human form, bc now hes actually talking outloud.

(Yes i know incubators can talk like people, but i want him to meow bc thats funnier) (also, just for the au, what if he can talk normally to humans in incubator form only through telekinesis n has to meow outloud. His incubator form is a cat - different voice cords from human.)

Just as a fun idea gotg still exists but its called: magical girls of the globe n thats all, well, magical girls. nothing much changed but they keep the whole planet safe instead of 1 country

Reader isnt part of it, but still helps if its close enough. They do bring their weird fatass cat along occasionally n Cecil cant convince them to stop bc its "emotional support".

Viltrumites as these incubators would be a fun idea bc implications of nolan turning fully human n getting scolded by bunch of cats is hillarious to me. Also mark as half incubator :3

Returning to thragg, theres a lot of benefits u get from being his owner! Like: new weapons, powers that seem to have more uses than normal ones, the ability to comprehend the incomprehensible reality of what it is to be a magical girl beyond humanitys needs to stay alive for as long as possible, the way this cat saves your life if youre in danger, u get more chances to make mistakes without getting in trouble.

Also hes literally have a cat. Hes an asshole but honestly at least its funny to see every other magical girls reaction to him. Hes not sweet, bites, scratches everything and everyone, has ruined your normal clothes, hiding under beds, when turns into human form goes around naked under the fur coat, scares your neighbors n their pets, eats for five, steals your stuff and hides it. All in all - a great pet when he isnt an incomprehensible demon.

He pretended to be a magical girl(human form+magical girl clothes) n literally everyone asked u to give his number. You cant explain that this 6"something fatass man is your cat and doesnt have a phone without people misinterpreting it.

Likes being groomed and pampered. Eats only the most expensive cat food and steals from the fridge while youre not home. Lies on your lap at the end of the day and just doesnt move, wherether hes in incubator form or human, you wont feel your legs anyway.

Buying him some games and or toys is useless bc hes not gonna play them, but if u have some video games he might try playing them(even without having oposable thumbs). On the same note, he will read bunch of books in your house, not all of them bc he doesnt like fiction.(he has no idea which books are fiction and which ones arent)(was convinced romeo and juliet were real people)

Pls i need to see fat thragg

With cat ears n all

Im begging here, on my hands n knees

Sometimes dissapears n returns exhausted(different dimension or wherether). If he doesnt find u in the house he will be mad n refuse talking to u. Might as well prepare some food and put on 5 hour essay on a random topic so he stops sulking. Will curl up on you so you cant leave him again.

Hates vacuum cleaner bc its too loud. (Also the sound is similiar to the noise that forces him to become weaker, disorienting n forces him to walk instead of floating around)

if you dont groom him for a few days your whole house will turn white with fur.

Exclusively sleeps on ur face. U cant breath. And hes heavy. And hes purring so hard the whole building is shaking. And hes too stubborn to leave.

But on good news, hes anti-allergenic so if u have allergy for fur u wont die from snorting him like line of coke :)

[lovediives]

can i have some fun facts about sumiko please :3 🤲🤲

HI KIT!! OFC!! if this gets long, my bad. i sometimes get a little insane about my own inserts and their lore because its based off so many dreams and studying. THANK U FOR ASKING BTW!!

sumiko was born as li fānguá, but to assimilate better into japan, she goes by sumiko. (any pronouns, she/they/he) he doesn't... really like being in japan but they have no choice now. and they became a demon slayer to protect her younger brother after their host family basically left them for dead. they are a reincarnation of k0kus wife and all of her rage and hurt from being left by him when he decided to run off and become a fuckass demon. sumiko is now the rainbow hashira!

ONTO THE FUNFACTS!!

sumiko is related to muichiro! not like close, close, but sumiko is technically muichiro's great, great, great (how many) grandma! since well sumiyo (her past life) and michi had kids who had kids. you know what i mean. i am so smart. muichi is very close so sumiko and kinda sees her like a mother figure. sumiko shows the same motherly love and tries her best to protect and guide him. wants him to eat his vegetables and treats him to sweets when she can. the only other two she shows htis same energy towards is nezuko and tanji

she's the same height as shinobu *4'11! the only difference is that she's stronger than her. sumiko understands shinobu. but she isnt a therapist and she will not play the role of a therapist so she doesn't... bother telling shinobu about her understanding or even trying to help her emotionally. thats.. not her problem LMFAO.

tried to kill giyu. its.. a long story. but after seeing nezuko and tanjiro and how giyu protected them. she kinda went ballistic and tried to choke giyu in his sleep. she stopped herself when she realized what she was doing and apologized to him. they never told anyone what happened. but he ends up avoiding giyu as much as possible ever since the incident.

i have main character syndrome, but ill gloss over it bc of embarrassment. but he has special blood. so muuuzan took an interest in him and took him into the infinity castle for experimenting and figuring out how he can use it. (if sumiko dies, the blood loses all of its special attributes) this is how he's reunited with k0kushibo who recognizes him instantly. sumiko willingly went with muuumuuu

sumiko gets along well with akaza and nakime. strangely enough has a lot of respect for them and doesn't try to cause any problems with them. uhm avoids doma cause he knows what doma does in his spare time and doesn't want to end up next. (although sumiko considers just.. dying at one point out of guilt and feeling like he betrayed everyone)

lets end on smth happy cause this shit is angsty as fuck. he really likes noodles. theyre his favorite in the entire world. (what kind of noodles? everything related to it.) its really cute because everyone sees him happily slurping at it and they tease him about it because he doesnt normally seem so happy like that. he used to share meals with muichi, rengoku, and mitsuri the most! despite everything, he does have friends! (....only two... which...are mitsuri and rengoku....) (his ass is so lonely and its his FAULTT STOP ACTING LIKE THAT AND BE NORMAALLL)

yeah thats it. imma stop here before it gets way too long yippieee!

[idealspawn]

im so happy. im so happy i barely even come on tumblr anymore... i met up w the guy im seeing. he kissed me when we were sitting on a large swing :D he told me he actually already wanted to kiss me the last time we were together. we also went out to eat. i let him pick what i ordered and got the bar to make me a surprise drink so it would be fun and challenge my ed. they made a cucumber tom collins w reduced sugar(the only instruction i gave them was to not make the drink too sweet bc i dont like sweet things all that much). and!! tom collins is my fav cocktail btw!! :DD. ate a vegan burger and fries. which is also pretty cool bc i avoid bread generally. but i didnt die and it was so good. we walked around a lot and then climbed on top of this climbing pyramid?? at a playground. we lied down and just talked. i was supposed to go back to my sister's place but he asked if i wanted to stay over at his for a while. he sang to me and played his guitar and showed his cool posters and told me the stories behind them. our first KISS KISS like make out kiss was so cute too... he played a song i knew but had weird memories attached to it. i told him im glad im making new ones w it. when the chorus came on he spontaneously kissed me :D we stayed silent w our foreheads touching till the end of the song. now i can associate the song w good memories :D we cuddled and kissed a lot. i ended up accidentally falling asleep and my sister thought sth had happened to me bc my battery had died too. but it was so nice. it was all so innocent and had no implications that it had to go any further than cuddling and kisses. we were all over eachother and tbh i dont think ive ever felt this comfortable w physical touch w anyone else before. he looks at me w such adoration too.. its so sweet. he said he has discovered so much good music from looking at my spotify which is cute.. our shared playlist now shows that the songs only i listened to before are the songs in common to us. thats sweet... he is so gentle and vulnerable and open. and he likes my quirks and doesnt view them as weird. lol i have that neurodivergent rizz. no but truly. so much more happened. i wish i could talk abt everything but im so exhausted i havent slept at all for the past week bc ive been so busy w diff events. saw my ex at this one party btw. she made long awkward eye contact w me but i looked away very fast but i saw from the corner of my eye that she didnt. at the last party the roles were reversed, i couldnt stop staring at her but she broke the eye contact fast. cool to know im over her completely now. anyway, im in such a great mood that i dont think even she can ruin it. she didnt look like she was having a great time and im glad. i had so much fun and i now think she truly did me a favour by leaving me. i have glow-upped so much and she hasnt. :) i feel so loved by everyone. i cant wait to meet up w the guy again next week. we have so many fun things planned. i cant stop thinking about our goodbye kiss. it was so passionate :D and our chemistry is so good. like truly one of the best. i layed my head on his chest and listened to his heart beating. when i wrapped my arm around him i felt how his heart started beating extremely fast. it was so adorable. :) we have so much in common too, its insane. like literally already starting from our childhood.

[depressed-teacup-inc]

Strikeback

FINALLY! The season finale for season 4 which was frankly a disaster, but we’re here! and to be really, I both love and hate strikeback.

Let’s start with why i actually really like this episode! The reasons could primarily be broken down to:

1. Hawkmoth’s plan was actually competent

Like seriously risk and strikeback were both so fucking good! Hawkmoth actually had a very smart idea for this akuma and sentimonster, even tho that plan failed (by pure luck btw—like literally if it weren’t Rena then they wouldn’t have known Risk was a thing) which puts things in the status quo

2. Felix carries the plot over here!

AGAIN, FELIX HAS THE BRAINCELL, AND ACTUALLY UTILIZED THE DOG MIRACULOUS BRILLIANTLY, WHICH ACTUALLY HAD HUGE EFFECT AND REPRECUSSIONS! That’s awesome, And I’m really impressed the show did that

3. (And this is most importantly) LADYBUG GETS CONSEQUENCES.

YOU HEARD IT RIGHT HERE PEOPLE, LADYBUG FUCKED UP AND NOW HAS TI DEAL WITH THE FACT SHE DECIDED TO USE HER HEART INSTEAD OF HER BRAIN AND THATS HONESTLY INCREDIBLE EVEN IF ITS JUST IN ONE ASPECT OF HER LIFE!!!

All in all, you’d then think “wow that’s incredible, why would you then not like this episode? Seems like it finally did what it was supposed to do! Aren’t you happy” and I am! But I do have some minor complaints and suspicions as to why I don’t trust this episode and it feels like it’s just promising huge change while not actually doing it

1. The villains’ motives are… eh.

Gabriel with his obsession now to get the entire miracle box was always very weird to me? Like the entire point of the show was how Gabriel wanted the cat and Ladybug miraculouses to revive his wife rather then take over Paris, but I guess that makes him too nuanced and interesting, so we need him to now want to tAkE OVer ThE WOrLd! Even tho one episode ago, he was literally freaking out realizing how much little time he has left to keep his wife alive.

And hell even Felix’s motives are weird! You initially think that the rings are important (with the seemingly sentimonster thing) and that Felix wants it to have a sense of autonomy and freedom, BUT THAT APPARENTLY MAKES FELIX TOO SYMPATHETIC SO LETS MAKE HIM USE THE RING AS A BARGAINING CHIP??? FOR THE PEACOCK MIRACULOUS??? WHY DOES HE EVEN NEED THAT????

2. Ladybug… is herself.

Listen I know that sounds mean, but Ladybug is still herself. She leaves Chat behinds more, when Chat is rightfully angry and takes a risk to actually tell her how horrible she’s been acting (which is a justified thing to do btw) the show has to pull the Chat Blanc card (which at this point is their last resort whenever they can’t twist the situation to why Ladybug is right, EVEN THO THAT DOESNT LINE UP AT ALL WITH THE PLOT OF THE EPISODE BUT WHATEVER), she gets angry at Rena and carapace for knowing Rena is still active (WHY DOES IT MATTER??? YOU LITERALLY DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE IDENTITIES ANYMORE WHY ARE WE PRETENDING THIS MATTERS????) and in the end of the episode, she was still justified.

Now before you say it, I don’t blame Ladybug for what happened this episode. What happened was purely Felix’s genius plan, and Risk definitely helped as well (and Ladybug’s tendency to never think with her head when it comes to her obsession) all lent itself to a complete disaster, which was again! Brilliant!

But with how much she fucked up in that regard and how easily Marinette could have stopped this situation if she tried to listen to chat noir, or HELL EVEN SU HAN, and perhaps shared her burden and didn’t keep people in the dark so she can be in complete charge of being the guardian, she could have created a safer system in which the miraculouses wouldn’t have been stolen! A safety net! LIKE LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON SHE WOULDNT HAVE DONE IT OR TRIED TO REALIZE THE IDENTITY RULE IS BUILT ON LIES IS BECAUSE THE LIES BENEFIT HER!

And in the end? No one is angry at her. Now again, not her fault exactly, but Marinette literally lost the entire miracle box to a terrorist. If not Chat Noir, the people of Paris should not have been cheering her name! (and leaving Chat Noir out of it. Again.) That gives the feeling that no one actually cares what just happened to the miraculouses and that everyone will always cheer Ladybug on no matter what, and therefore, ladybug can continue doing whatever she’d like because the consequences don’t really exist?

Which leads me to the third reason why I am suspicious of this episode:

3. IT RESETS EVERYTHING.

Listen, I know this episode right now seems like it’s super intense and promises huge changes in the future, but miraculous Ladybug has a bad habit of resetting the show (it comes with the episodic structure of the show; like literally season 3 finale should have by all means eliminated the miraculous team, but it didn’t which ruined the show)

And when you look at the structure?

- Gabriel is only Hawkmoth now

- it’s only Ladybug and Chat Noir now

- Felix went and fucked off with the peacock

- no identity reveal of any sorts

- no Adrien sentimonster reveal or “Look your mom’s in the basement” reveal

Everything is back to the status quo of season 1. Now, of course there is the chance Gabriel actually uses the miraculouses he got now in season five, but Miraculous Ladybug has a big history of resetting and ignoring huge plot points save for a few episodes to justify dragging this show on forever. And I genuinely think that Miraculous is trying to recreate the former glory it has in season 1 (the “not so bad” season)

But they don’t realize that to make this show better, you don’t drag it out and go back, you have to move forward! A plot can’t keep running in circles without expecting people to eventually lose interest, we have to progress! But the only way to do that now, is to change the status quo, and make the reveal happen! Which for the show, is the one thing that people seem interested in at this point.

So with all that in mind? I both love and hate this episode. It had one of the few brilliant plans and legit consequences on one hand, but on the other it actually kinda demeaned and made the consequences feel unimportant, and effectively reset the entire show to its very beginning.

[thequeenoffishburrito]

So a week ago I woke up at 6 am after having a an obey me related dream, wrote it down and everything else but didn't post it. Now this is very word vomit type shit and I should by all means edit it but wheres the fun in that? (Plus I find it funnier but also better this way)

Anyways I implie it a bit there but I'll say it now and then after: this would make a great fic.

___________________________________

So first thing luci is their dad, mammon and Raphael are brothers,

So lucifer first fell in love an married this amazong woman and together they had Raphael, shortly afterwards they had mammon but after Mammons birth she died. Luci fell in this INCREDOBLE depression and left the babies behind at one point in the foster care. But by the tine he came to his senses Raphael had already been separated from mammon.

Years later he remarried and had the rest of the bros, but he tried to hide his first marriage out of grief and not wanting to let them know the truth so he always lies and says mammon looks took after a late relative (bullshit ofc, he took after his first wife)

Around this time is also when Raphael pops up again in neighbourhood, in another familys house, (I'm my dream it was a generic pos family but maybe it could be Simeon? Or maybe it could be God or Micheal idk) and try as what Lucifer might he cant get rapheal back. (I know adoption situation is much different but this is what happened) But since they all live close by he raises the two up together as friends (he basically adopts Raphael into his house)

Rapheal and mammon grow to become best friends and people always say they're like brothers or 'are you sure they're not brothers" andblucifers always like "haha ,'0__0,'"

Anyways flash forward into the future transfer student mc is staying at their place cuz ofc, and actually discovers about lucis old wife. (What actaully happened in my dream was a song neing sung by this dogman telling them that luci diesnt like a certain song that was sung by his old wife and would lose his mind if he heard jt but how about no(at least no on the dogman singing))

And ofc, Although incredibly torn about this, cuz they know ayo this can fuck uo the family, mc decides to confront Lucifer about it,

But before that some details

Raphael and mammon keep having this convo, cuz mammon keeps seeing some woman in his dreams. And its bothering tf out of him. Cuz he always knew his mom as his mom and thats it, but who is this lady?

And Raphael after a long time if hearing this convo jokingly admits he remembers once having a similar dream which immediately throws mammon tf off course and is like "aight no more" and goes to confront Lucifer.

Now I cant remember exactly if mc confronted luci first or mammon, but I do remember when they told mammon and Raphael the truth. Mammon had went up to tell luci and told jim about the woman in his dreams, and he was saying certain features but they werenr right. But mc (or maybe it was luci but that wouldnt make sense) ended up handing mammon a picture and like saying "did the woman look like this?" And mammon is like holy fucking shit yes! Shes real! Before the reality settles in.

So that's when luci explains to them the whole story, (btw I should say his current wife knew all about this already and was trying her to help him get raphael back too and keeping the secret but she still loved mams and raph) about his first wife about his spiral of depression, about lying, about mammon and Raphael being brothers everything.

Bow Raphael is more in shock and quiet but Mammon is fucking (enraged*) pissed off at Lucifer like "you done fucked up bitch" type of angry at him and storms off. Everyones shook, Lucifer doesnt know what to do, mc really regrets opening their mouth nut luci like "no, it was a matter of time"

Anyways so mammon goes to this place he goes that only raph and a select few of tbe bros know cuz mammon brought em there when they need to cook off too. (Its near a lake but it can be whereever) and raoh shows up and the two talk and mams just like tbh I kinda just wanna leave this place for a bit to think, and then the two start making jokes about all those little kids who say theyll run away but never do, or manage to like in the movies both while genuinely considering it.

I wanna say what happened next but I actaully woke up after that xOx   but I imagine a big reunion and confrontation with raoh and luci and an apology, and yee. And then trying to get raph back cuz he really is a part of the family always has been, but now even more so.

So yeah that was my dream

Some extra details:

One point in my dream luci also had a song called nightmare or midnight (I think) and since I was basically watching this like a movie on tv I skipped that part lmao.

Lucis 2nd wife was a russian redhead and in my dream I thought of Jessica rabbit even tho she DID NOT look like her. (Lmao now I think about it luci must have a thing for redheads lnaoooo)

And some fun bonus details I'm thinking about as i wake up

Maybe luci like gets upset at mammon more nut loves him the most cuz he look like his wife.

Maybe mammon does remember the song his mum used to sing.

Maybe lilith couldve been like the triplet of beel and belphie but died at birth or super young kinda thing

Also while bot nesscarily important I'd like to think mephisto as mammons bf and who's onto lucis ass

_______________________________________________

If you were able to follow that along props to you! If not: TLDR Lucifer had two children with his first wife, first Raphael then Mammon but she died then Lucifer went into a severe depressionn and left them in foster care, when he came back Raph was taken. Then later he remarries, has the rest of the bros and around the same time Raph pops up with his new family in the neighbourhood and Lucifer raises him with the rest fo the bros as friends but never telling them the truth. Years later Mammon discovers the truth.

I'll probably rewrite this to be a lot clearer but probably not. Anyways if people want to run with this idea or run with aspects of it for a fic then hell yeah, just @ me so I can see it!!!

[somedayslater]

actually concerning the question of future chapters, i dont know if OX is going to retcon the future chaters or try to patch everything together ! For zhanyi the later seems difficult (because ZZX seems so cold and uninterested by JY when he comes back in the future, while right now hes so enamored and ready to protect him from future kidnappings -so he’s aware theres a good chance JY will be kidnapped again against his will)...

But for tianshan i can still see that happen. Like imagine if in a few days, in this fuckin situation, HT leaves :0 rn he is MGS only source of comfort, and if im understanding the last chapter right hes going to began to trust him for real real (the “do you believe me?” being asked as a salvation). Imagine if at the end of the week or wtv HT tells him “btw im leaving”, just after MGS confessed to him that he feels like giving up and just want to stop existing for a moment ?? or worse, HT cant bring himself to tell MGS and just disappear ???

in both cases, i dont think MGS is in a mental state where he could understand HT situation. Its been twice now that MGS says things that suggests that he thinks HT have it easy, he doesnt seem to understand that HT is unhappy too with his family and life too (when there were fighting, MGS told HT that he had a good family ; and now, hes saying that life seems to be easy for everyone else). And its understandable, being poor and victim of so many classists violence and having ones life not considered at all is so horrible that its difficult to have your head “out of the water” and see what happens to people around you. But it means that if HT does leave, MGS will just think that HT was a liar, or that he wasnt good enough once again, and that he was wrong to trust again. So i can totally see their relationship returning to a big 0 during HT absence, which would explain the lack of complicity between HT and MGS in the future chapters. Its a wonder how MGS will still talk to him actually.

Except if HT is indeed leaving but at the end of the year, which would give them a few weeks/months to close the She li arc, give them time to mend their relationship and try to understand each other better, and all in all will put mgs in a better mental state that would make him understand HT situation. thats the only i see, but ox may surprise me again !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[misterbitches]

I ship muren and li cheng bc i only saw it through gifs then i watched this episode cos i was like im only starting this show if they kiss im waiting and they did and it was nice and i got so anxious that i was about to fucking vomit. I really like them together. The top/bottom shit is dumb and i hope if they must mention it they all build a bridge and get over it so they can switch cos who gives a shit. I didnt realize how large they all are like most “tall” men on tv are lying. But bc that kid is so thin and tall and the other one (idk the stepbrother) is huge too. Li cheng is shorter than them both but more ~manly~ but still short so why doesnt he take a DICK UP HIS BUTT XD since that’s all that fucking matters and there’s only 2 genders and 2 eays to have sex lmao so nothing else otherwise ur screwed

Hd a terrible past couple of weeks personally and because i keep seeing my peopl eget murdered and things ripped from us ^_____^ anyway here’s Some libertatrian communist dumb bitch discoars so i’ll tag it:

keep in mind these are my opinions’”” when i engage in discourse. I am not the end all be all and I don’t need you to agree. There’s some shit I am non-negotiable on but thsi is just exchanging of information. Any authoratative tone I take on comes from my beliefs, my life, my experiences, and what I choose to cultivate as a person and an artist. I dont have control over your feelings, you do. If it hurts you then either tell me the issue and be PRECISE about it, understand that context matters which is why i type so much in engagement, and do not fucking lie or misconstrue my words. Do not call me western ever in your life either. I am a black-american. I have adhd and bc i am a black woman if ur automatically thinking im brolic i am accepting money in my paypal for ur wellbeing to get me to shut the fuck up.Thanks.

The stepbrothers storyline is stupid and lazy writing. I really want to counter people that say it’s written well and that it’s interesting because it isn’t. Even if it was illicit and fucked we can write a story out about this. Let’s rethink what they could have done shall we:

- become stepbrothers at about 16 and their parents mismanage the relationship and they fail in trying to get an integrated family together (this is what happened in the #iconic transit girls and that was fuckin’ weird but hey dude guess what we watched it and it was weird but not unethical and we know one is like 19 and the other is 21 and a girl so it’s like wow you avoided so much and handled their stepsister story very…….um lightly given the end lmao but it was there and people had AGENCY)

-OR you realize that freak is obsessed with him and then he realizes it and is like “bitch i swear to god” and in typical shtity trope BL fashion they can find a way from obsession, to loss and independence when you lose your obsession, to “love” if they choose

- have the fucked up shit but make it clear what the issues are and you literally cannot write your way out of it so do not try

But why can’t fucked up things be shown? Also this is realistic.

0. Well according to you but no one said that they can’t. So that’s on your interpretation of critique (that is, again, not bullying or harassment.) They can, i just gave plenty of scenarios in which it is affective and not just annoying to witness, trope-y, and frankly ridiculous and offensive. Sorry! They don’t do it well. You can come up with alternatives too. See #2 btw.

1. No it isn’t doing a good job of reflecting life because life has consequences. The exaggeration in drama doesn’t mean the arc shouldn’t be there. Almost always things that aren’t heavy with the message or meant to be sobering in a deep way are COMPELLING. The realism is the basis for art because we are human. This is not the way real humans act.

Someone said Tharn Type was mature and I had to laugh because no, no one acts that way and is “in love” if they act that way that means they fucking hate each other and they’re immature and frankly it’s just not that interesting for many of us to watch because the dramatization of the “realism” is fucking bonkers. That was such poor writing it is unbelievable and someone has the audacityt o say it’s how real adults act. Fucking murder me if I’m with someone for 7 years and we break up over a miscommunication and for some reason I am not as horny as my always horny boyfriend. The fuck? What kind of lives do you lead? Either you are not an adult or you are an adult who needs therapy.

I also hear the “realistic” argument but then people try and temper it with “but also it’s fiction.” What do you think fiction is? Why do you think filmmaking exists? Number one, it’s propaganda in the sense that you want others to buy into your presentation and see what you see. That means that the creators are telling people and influencing them WITH ART BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT IS about their feelings around a situation. That’s why it is imperative to be responsible as a filmmaker and artist and underline the deepness of creepiness if that’s what they want. If they want to relay that rape sometimes ok and psychos are crazy so they get boy (??!?!?!? BITCH?) then they achieved it with no innovative information. We know people get raped bc we are human beings and many of us live with that fear. You know, being the target demo and all. And bc BL loves that trope it’s rape fantasy peddled to young people and women. Just like shitty wattpad fics or NYT best sellers. Hooray, what now? Or are you trying to purport that this isn’t glorified fanfiction? Which it literally is

2. This is the issue with these shows. No one is saying that fucked up shit cannot be shown. There’s a film about a woman who is raped and she falls in love with her rapist (because he was masked but i think we find out later that she knows. Binoche is in it.) I have no desire for that film—i think it’s by a man and i extra dont care—but I hear it’s sort of powerful for many. I heard it was a good film. But the act itself is always eschewed and the conflict comes from how fucking ridiculous it is especially finding out that she knows. The power imbalance adn the possibility. They may not have handled it in a way I would have cared for but it was there.

There’s simply no imagination because these people do not care that much and aren’t great writers and filmmakers because they simply do not have to be. Sorry.

The industry doesn’t rely on the best they rely on efficiency (this is everywhere.) You can tell by the camera angles, the editing, the camera itself (idk if it is multicam but the flatness is typical soap flatness without the glowboxes to soften their faces.) Simple constant lighting. Now the surroundings are mostly beautiful. But even to some of the costumes. And those edits are abysmal, some of that camera work.

So with all that said even with the couple I extremely enjoy I see its (H4) faults. Add into that a lazily thrown together “shocking” love and if they are trying to get us to feel a type of way about its sexiness they fail. This is why movies like 50sog, 365 days, etc aren’t enjoyable to people because it’s fucking strange situations that they dont want to entangle or make enjoyable to viewers across the board. They know what people will take. It’s just that bitch what are we here for if even the sexiness isn’t there for ur stupid story.

At least with that teenager and 30 yr old man in MODC (which i do not love but i like them in theory if it wasnt totally repulsive to me and also if it was developed in a way that was good TO ME) they had their, er, “sex appeal” i talk about this as well the main couple in MODC to me, visually, was a miss. Not bc whatshisface was small and stuff but bc he was so sickly and they needed that to propel the story but it was just not appealing given how the story progressed. A missed opportunity in tying the two together besides making him look waif-y and sickly only to have the “did ur mom die in a car crash? No, cancer” type of move in not another teen movie. But the opposite. And not funny. Wayne tho????? GORL. Eggs. Cracked.

fandoms have a very warped sense of harrassment and discourse.

Most fandoms have harassers who are “protecting” the cast and crew who don’t need their protection (or maybe the crew does since they probably dont get paid well but why the fuck would anyone care about that lol) but very few have the people who have concerns or massive critique about the show are not going to be “bullying.”

If people are saying “if you like xyz, u suck” then sure it may suck for you to see but who fucking cares. Either talk to the person or don’t be friends with them. That is not bullying or harrassment. Things that are shitty get criticized. Fuck, things that aren’t shitty don’t. Get away from this idea of cancel culture and people misunderstanding the story. We have the ability to.

Think beyond your noses of personal preference. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them.

And guess what? You won’t like everybody. Many people can’t stand me i’m sure. Oh well. I mean frankly I don’t like that and I feel very unsettled when I don’t feel understood. That’s ok! I have to temper it. Sometimes calm myself down. I won’t get anything and everything I want. And you won’t like every opinion and sometimes it’s like “man am i a dummy?” But the part of growing up is fucking maanging that and beng honest about “bashing and harrassment” and “bullying” and growing up. Yuo can like what you want the “let people like what they want thing” is so fucking juvenile and THAT is not the real world. Which is probably why so many people feel that way, they dont want to live in the real world. Unfortunately, you do.

Think beyond our noses of personal preference and what we feel emotionally in conjunction with others. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. And you can say things that you believe to be true but it doesn’t make them so or maybe it isn’t received that way to people. And many times we learn new things in the discussions “oh shit i didn’t see it that way” right? Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them. Usually the “opposition” in these situations aren’t the popular beliefs that permeate through society. Trust me lmao

Antiblackness

Antiblackness is a thing. It permeates everywhere. It permeates in this genre and it permeates in fandom. Get it the fuck together. Also do not conflate cultural relativism with being repsectful. They are not barbarians, they are smart human beings either making work or deciding to. We all have diff cultures but we have fucking sense in what is respectful and not. And if we don’t we fucking learn. You cannot excuse things and say “oh culture” when you have 0 idea of that culture or actual people who are radical etc and are fighting against it. Additionally the word westerner is an ignorant term when referring to people in the US or UK who are black. Because we are not. We extend sympathy to other groups and empathy since we know so there is no inherent power imbalance between a black viewer and their subject. Don’t suggest that because it’s wrong and ahistorical and contextless.

FIRST the fallacy of representation as freedom makes people fucking complacent, individualistic, and doesn’t let them think critically. Consumption and discourse around consumption is not helping material conditions of the marginalized communities in your home, the black ones who are ignored, those intersectionalized in these communities. Groups talk about art and what it means for them outside of just what we see and because we also don’t have access to a bunch of Thai reviews or what movements or going on we are less likely to know if we don’t FUCKING SEARCH for it. Because art is constant...which leads me to....

Representation is difficult. It matters and it doesn’t.

Tthese shows are not meant to overturn the LGBTQ+ community.

There are queer filmmakers and artists in these countries. Deep illustrious film careers or even TV that is moving and deliberate. We can even see it with the dude from “your name engraved” in their short series he was in beforehand. BL is no wa pejorative because it is simply not “qu**r” storytelling whatever that means. But know it has always existed everywhere and there are also out artists or radical artists in all these countries who do no respect mediums that are cash-grabs and poorly made.

ex: As much as “Like in the Movies” sort of isnt for me and is a bit hamfisted you can tell how much love goes into that. Love of the characters, acting, and message. Yes it’s cringey to see some of the lines (like very tbh subtlety wasnt exactly their strong suit) and yea naming them after lenin and marx is just 0ihgoaudgijposkagjihou BUT GUESS WHAT? THEY FUCKING DID IT. THEY TRIED. And class was a large component as well bc u cant fuckin ignore it. The show is aware of the machinations in its world as a show but also in the philippines and for a fuckin reason. And duatarte? Loooooooool so like yea not so sure bl makes him love his ppl but the show isnt trying to do that

It’s not a transgressive genre and it has no reason to be. No ethical anything under the way we live it’s just trying your fucking best to be. That’s it. They serve societal ills and capital’s purposes. Which is fine but it is not revolutionary.

These countries in SEA or even SA do not have as big budget for even mainstream dramas—though things are changing and that’s bc REVENUE like revenue from kpop is fucking huge for SK and again so much about that is bc of what happened in their history from japanese imperialism to WWII to the US—so for “queer” stuff it is sort of now important to make that an export and it sure is one. Not only globally or to the west but a lot of these places make their money within asia (duh!) outside of their countries. OBVIOUSLY. so BL is a way to output and gain money. The thing is, it doesnt seem to be put back into the industry at all. For people in all these countries to make works that aren’t for mainstream or wont reach as many people there’s a difference between trying and just shoving shit in your face and going here it’s gay you like it right? But dont antagonize the inherent patriarchal nature of BL.

Another thing: did you guys know thailand was never colonized? You should look it up. There’s little hints of things in ITSAY to represent french influence still. Isnt that fascinating? Find out why. It’s certainly interesting that the representation, though damaging and dubious many times and also incorrect like any media, is huge in asia and this isnt a commodity here (the US) exactly. A lot of that has to do with colonial ideas of gender of which I am sure. But listen………lmao

Sometimes people dont give a shit. And it very much shows. Here is the thing once again. GOOD TRANSGRESSIVE WORK exists.

Een within the capitalist Bs paradigm or you can see people trying (I can sort of applaud parts of lovely writer) also queer media has always existed everywhere the reason you don’t know about it is because it gets takena nd commodified into a mainstream product. We hvae little incentive, particularly if we are not fans of cinema or art in gen, to search fror others when the output is right here. Being dictated by others and the state and who will give you money. No longer an effort of a cast and crew who want to convey things. But google [any country] independent cinema, radical cinema, queer radical cinema, or even retrospectives on the cinema and rethinking what is queer and radical in film. What if we took that, diluted it, got rid of the creators who put themselves through all the work, ignroe al the nuances and do……………….two actors who are conventionally attractive with no chemistry making out.

It’s the same here lets say daniel kaluuya winning the oscar for the film about the BPP. I heard it was okay and not too offensive but it still isnt’ enough. It still isn’t like hwood isn’t trash, nnati black, misogynistic towards BW and women, and all that other shit. It was pushy but it can’t be enough where we are. Black KKKlansmen i think won an oscar, by circumstance i fuckin hate these award shows they mean nothing, and i like the film a lot but he has his misogynoir still resting in his films even if it is poignant. And it was a film that honestly wasn’t really made for black people. And should all art be a response to direct trauma or trying to make ourselves palatable when we’re just human?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and it’s importance (capitalism) but also sorta individual responsibility

Considering a lot of these actors are rich and then just dip that’s another problem. Mainstream isn’t what sustains marginalized art ever. It doesn’t change in the vast ways we think it does. What changes is the people of these groups pushing, fighting, forcing and then capitalism trying to make it work under capitalism. It will not. It cannot.

This is why artists and labels often don’t mix or you see people like Sonic Youth doing whatever they want and pissing off their label but making them give them money. Same with Nirvana. Vince Staples. The thing is they can fight and make good shit but what capitalism helps people….not care? They don’t respect the audience? We’re getting those returns on poor executed product placement, lighting, editing, framing, fucking acting. And you surewon’t see mixed black asians in these shows. WHY R U is the oNLY one i have seen it in and he just disappears (but that was pretty cool.) so who the fuck is this representing? And before you start: asian countries are not homogenous the way we believe them to be. There are marginalized communities outside of even mixed people that are harmed. So you can skrrt cause on that one: you’re wrong buddy. But it gives us the IDEA of a paradise which is what they NEED.With representation and visibility comes consequence and responsibility as artists. What it allows them to do is coast and not think complexly because why should they; it’s mostly the fantasies of some older woman who probably has money and much less interaction with the world. It’s bonkers. And what that allows even further is for them to say YOU ARE THE THING THAT YOU CONSUME and the THING THAT YOU CONSUME IS YOURS. It is not, it is not your identity, form a close bond but figure it the fuck out. Especially for adults who are hellbent on twisting their minds into pretzels and can’t acknowledge what’s just laziness in art and not giving a fucking shit. Truly.

There’s damage that has been done from Parasite as he was supported by CJE&M and the bullshit obsession america had and eveyrone’s poor interpretation of it if they are rich. BJH is a socialist and he is a filmmaker. He has made films that are outstanding and cost a lot of money. But now a fear for indie filmmakers is just not being able to raise that much or have that much attention. Getting funding that helps them instead of expecting the Next Big Thing that is a fad because capitalism is trash. Yes this funneling of money is absolutely harmful to us artists. Even buying in is strategic. Additionally, that film is probs one of the most radical films to have that wide release and accolade (unlike “Sorry to Bother You” which i have a lot of thoughts about. One being that asian exports are acceptable but black ones are not. This is an overall art critique and global media critique. Blackness is removed, not respected.) However, filmmaking isn’t green, it can’t be socialist, and it’s a lot of work. They used tons and tons and TONS of water to do a huge beautiful feat but we still know there is a cost. We have to figure that out because it shouldn’t be. It doesn’t go back into the crew’s pockets the way it should and the work becomes that of the director’s and actors solely. It’s fucking hard. We have to do our part but it doesn’t mean we are doing it perfectly. We just have to try to do better. So does BJH cos he needs to not be a misogynist but anyways i digress.

additionally and this is something some users fail to understand: people in the media sphere generally have fucking money. I went to film school that was international with super fucking rich kids. Taiwanese kids, kids from south asia, china, thailand. They had money. No not upper middle class money, not “rich” money, not some paltry 1m that’s chump change. Fucking money. Fucking RICH-RICH. MILLIONAIRES. BILLIONAIRES. WHICH IS DISGUSTING MIGHT I ADD. The domestic people didn’t have the money for school (in the UK) and i am in a massive amount of debt like every other black student that went there. You do not understand how much money is needed to survive so people who turn to these crew positions even casting etc need this fucking money usually. OKAY. A lot of the people that do well in these dumb shows or even on a larger scale HAVE MONEY. The reason these industries are small and struggling is because of lack of people and lack of resources to independent shit because oh gee it takes money to make things.

Why should I try? Well you don’t have to really if you have money or a name. Yet...

We can tell when like those Tik Tok shows or DCOMs dont give a shit (anymore.) You know how frustrated we get when content for young people is garbage? Well, see, BL is literally that under that system. Occasionally we will get something good now but there is virtually no need in any sector in the world at this point to truly figure out how to make it better and what to do to enhance artistic literacy, outreach, teaching people new things, getting people from these communities there and having true realistic says. Art and culture is IMPERATIVE TO WORLD LIBERATION but not when it is so stiffly trying to bend to capital’s idea of progressiveness. No. Neoliberalism. No.

That’s why in a way ITSAY is a huge feat; it takes from films etc and they clearly had money (the actors rae rich too which….lmaooooo j’aime pas) but it was a respected fucking script, acting was important, blocking, framing. There’s very little to critique as a visual medium for that because I understand what they are trying to do, their market is going to be mostly young girls, but they RESPECT THE FUCKING AUDIENCE. And guess what guys? You can make money from it!!!! WOAH! Since that may be the only goal which is disgusting and repulsive.

HOWEVER AND THIS IS WHAT IS SAD: itsay is an ex of a great show however knowing the actors backgrounds and the pseudo trouble it stirred when they weren’t supporting people protesting against the coup in the summer it really put a damper on my enjoyment. And this is how we can see that:

a) it’s honestly just a show and a good one but b) now what?

These kids (actors, who are like idk 19? 20?) are rich and not saying anything while countless actors, who were filming, did. Even tul who has $$$$ and the thing is the protesting against the coup legitimately attacks the rich. As it should. The protests going on were cries for help, against a dictatorship and fucking coup, asking people to get fucking help for covid, having kids be able to live. There’s a mini on VICE about this and it probably doesnt go too in depth but there’s a kid in there who talks about his friends getting into drugs and how he just wants to make music, have fun, skateboard. And it’s harrowing to see. This is a direct example of what these things do and don’t do. Yea we know a good show is here, we know growing up and slice of life, we know this is a bit of escapism and idealism but the idealism is reflected in the way these actors also choose to live their lives. So what progress? To who? For who? How is this helping me? What purpose does it serve? I say ITSAY serves its purpose as a piece and a glimpse into possibility of growing up but i do not say it antagonizes a broader issue that needs to be relevant in some sense but simply is not. It’s very singleminded and, well, it’s sort of like “besides my sexuality, what do i have to worry about?” But for real humans like....a lot. I do not respect their decision at all.

Why can’t we do our jobs and make something decent and respect our audience? No time, gotta make that sweet sweet sweet cash baybee. Look how progressive we are! Don’t look at history and material conditions. Thanks in advance, management.

History 4 does not have that respect. Many of these shows do not. Sometimes we hit good, sometimes we don’t. But in the end we cannot settle. And I won’t. If I am critiquing something I will not be shy and if I am meant to enjoy something as escapism then these shows NEED to highlight that and it’s rare sometimes (the best twins is a good reminder like that show is bad but man do i Brain Empty when i turn it on and i like that and there’s not much in it that makes me want to kill myself from annoyance but there are transphobic jokes i dont love however the whole show is a comedy about this dude’s crazy homophobic sister and she is constantly positioned as wrong and they talk about the aforementioned trans women as the actor was in drag. Interesting that they can manage that, huh?)

Oh btw.....taiwan has a very complicated history but ignore all the bad stuff it’s good now you can kinda sorta get married and stuff. KMT? You know how i learned that? I care about human beings and read about it lmao. I am not Taiwanese and look at that. So now I have historical and DIALECTICAL~**~*~****~*~*~ context so i can judge it as an artist, a black woman from america, and from the knowledge i have to pick up on their history to see if this fits into a broader picture besides the micro-one of sexuality on an individualized level. And this is kinda where it comes full circle: these shows are not you, you are not them, they do not exist in a vacuum because nothing does. The failure to critique now means continuing on as it has and it will still do so. History and time are not linear in the sense we think it is. Someitmes things are better, sometimes things feel more austere. We are not living under liberation though and these shows are not going to do so. So they are not US nor are they for a nebulous “us” of which the groups are all fractured and have diff opinions anyway (my opinion as a black american is going to vary from an asian woman’s say and that could really clash and i do not feel solidarity with all those in every community i am for several reasons.)

Final thots that have taken up my time and the only thing i actually wanted to write but got distracted:

Anyway my dissertation is that I ilke Muren and LiCheng a lot a lot and i like how cute they are and how truly dumb li cheng is. This is an example of mostly good writing, decent actors, nice chemistry, and sort of a calmness to them. And I super enjoy how Muren is pretty forward with LC in the sense that being together is like very important to truly be together. When he was like “no i didnt forget!” Or when LC asked him something in the office I forget it was 6 am and again i almost threw up and muren nodded and then LC leaned on him. Very cute. I want more of them tho i may have to skip that othre couple (the cameo the ones from MODC) but omfg the younger one HIS HAIR GREW SO MUCH HE LOOKS SO MATURE AND CUTE OMFGIJ0HUG9SAOGIJPKOAGJSIOHUAGIJP hahhaha the one good thing i will say about THEM.idk how old the actor is i figure he was young idk it makes me happy to see him he’s very cute. I hope he’s in something i can watch and not gag at. Is he hot? Who knows but he is a cutie!!

Anyway muren and lc have a good thing going it’s nice to watch ho\pe they dont fuck it up but im truly a sucker for some true finds 2 luvas i think some user on her\e was like i’m not a fan of friends ot lovers bc it doesn’t seem like they’re actually friends and maybe they were referring to this show idk. But it made me think and it was a very good observation. So i think they are friends and also luvrs <3

[f-f-friend]

thoughts on nie mingjue

Warning: LONG POST AHEAD, i’ll put it under a read more

Every time I think about how the MDZS fandom is dead-set in their portrayal of Nie Mingjue solely as a bad-tempered, violent man whose sole motive was to hurt the oh-so-victimised JGY, I get so sad... So I’m gonna go on a quick rant and address some of these misportrayals: 

TLDR: Nie Mingjue = victim, Jin Guangyao = villain, just because the MDZS fandom seems to have gotten them mixed up

1) The thing that bothers me the most: This portrayal of NMJ as some “Wen-dog” hating, hot-headed monster who would hate every single Wen person and hate them for no reason... 

Nie Mingjue was a good (remember this!!) man who was brave and righteous and was, like the other characters, thrust into war at a young age. He didn’t start the Sunshot Campaign just because he just hated the Wen Sect so much for no good reason. For some reason when it comes to NMJ everyone forgets that the Wen people were the ANTAGONISTS of the Sunshot campaign?? His father was murdered by WRH, other Sects had been absorbed or destroyed. He hated the Wen Sect (in terms of WRH and those loyal to him) because he (and those he cared about) had been victimised by them. 

FURTHERMORE, NMJ was the only Sect Leader in the Sunshot Campaign that was canonically shown to care about what was happening to the civilians. Did you all forget empathy? Yes he made a lot of kills in the Sunshot Campaign but did he ever want to hurt civilians just for the heck of it? Just because he just loved violence that much?? No!! Read MDZS again and tell me where that happened. 

2) Nie Mingjue had close relationships with people (NHS, LXC) 

During his empathy scene, WWX said that he was having such lively conversation with 3zun that he even wanted to join in!! Just because he canonically had a bad temper doesn’t mean he was some terrifying abusive monster that everyone barely tolerated out of fear?? He was a likeable person who had friendships and was loved. 

Even with JGY, when he still saw him as a good person with similar ideals to him (which BTW is the basis of EVERY REASONABLE FRIENDSHIP and Not an extremely high standard only held by NMJ like the fandom pretends), he protected him from gossip and mentored him and took care of him. He believed in and was protective of JGY basically up until he saw him killing that Jin sect captain, at which point it was perfectly reasonable to no longer trust him!! 

And, even then, even after the shit with JGY killing all the Nie cultivators (which to me didn’t seem necessary but you all can interpret it however), whether it was due to LXC’s coaxing or because he still held out some hope for JGY, he still swore brotherhood with him to continue to guide him. IDK about you all but that to me doesn’t seem like someone who hated JGY with a passion. It seems like someone who was to some extent still hoping for JGY to turn things around. He could’ve just given up on him!! But he didn’t, not after all JGY had already done, and not even during the Xue Yang shitfest... It was really only during the worst moments of his qi deviation (which was very much JGY’s fault!!!) that he physically hurt JGY at all instead of just openly distrusting him. 

3) ...and wasn’t just a rage monster that they tiptoed around!! 

Which brings me to the fact that despite NMJ always having had a bad temper as the book implies, it wasn’t until his qi deviation that he began to get truly bad. Him destroying NHS’s things, and being aggressive and angry, and even the supposedly worst thing, kicking JGY down the stairs and calling him the “son of a wh*re” all happened after JGY had started poisoning him. This is fact, people!! Nie Mingjue was not an abuser, he was a righteous and good man whose mind and life were poisoned by someone he should’ve been able to trust!! This should not be a constant portrayal of him – he is NOT the monster that JGY tried to make of him. Even at the end, in his very last moments, he still saw his brother clearly. THAT’S who he was, someone who cared deeply about the people he loved (yes, even JGY to some extent even after he stopped deserving it). 

4) ALSO on the subject of NMJ being tooooooo black and white in his thinking, and being toooo righteous (is that a thing?) and having tooo high standards for Jin Guangyao

First of all, when fandom touts that NMJ’s standards for JGY were too high, were they really so high? All he asked for was a good soldier and friend who WOULDN’T JUST STAB AND KILL their own captains in the middle of a war... and wouldn’t remorselessly murder cultivators to keep their own cover... and then wouldn’t protect someone who murdered an ENTIRE SECT from receiving due justice... 

Yes, Jin Guangyao did have reasons for what he did. Were they JUSTIFIABLE? To me, it’s a matter of what you prize. Jin Guangyao is a painfully selfish character – even before he started actively joining Jin Guangshan in being evil, he was already selfish! 

Yes he needed to keep his cover in front of Wen Ruohan, but why did he have to murder those Nie cultivators to do that? And then still never even ONCE show remorse over it, even right after the fact?? He just constantly complains that “I only killed a few cultivators out of desperation and you keep on bringing it up” (italics mine)... The way he talks about cheapens the sanctity of those lives taken, and turns it into a minor mistake, which is the same way the fandom speaks of it as well. Whether they actually believe it or they just wanna make JGY look better, I’m not sure. 

And yes, his position in Jin Sect was precarious and his father disdained him. Did that justify protecting Xue Yang after he masscred an entire clan? No! And even if it did justify protecting Xue Yang somehow, even if his reasons justified ANY wrong that he did, it still doesn’t mean he was in the right!! He was doing acts of self-preservation, even if it’s not unjustifiable, it still caused harm and he prized himself above all that. And Nie Mingjue, even if he was clueless about JGY’s struggles, even if he was speaking from a place of privilege or just too stupid to see nuances in life, was still right! He shouldn’t have killed the captain or murdered the Nie cultivators or protected Xue Yang. 

IN CONCLUSION 

What I’m TRYING to say is this: Nie Mingjue’s portrayal by the fandom (in fanfics and discussions and even in youtube comments...) as the AGGRESSOR of the 3zun dynamic is due to the unbelievably large amount of sympathy there is in the fandom for Jin Guangyao that causes them to heed his words more even when they’re clearly meant to arouse sympathy and sway the listener. Nie Mingjue, who is definitely the victim of the Venerated Triad (literally don’t see how he’s anything but that) does not get that same sympathy, whether it’s due to a smaller time in the spotlight or maybe he doesnt have a sad backstory (he does its so sad) or whatever other reason. Either way, this has caused a overwhelming amount of portrayals of Nie Mingjue as the aggressor in the trio... No. He was the victim. If you don’t believe me, go ask the dismembered HEAD that was lying in JGY’s STUDY FOR YEARS!! 

When the fandom pushes this belief that Nie Mingjue is a brainless, emotionless (except for anger) aggressive monster whose only purpose in life was to bully the helpless Jin Guangyao, it strangely makes me realise that even the readers who are exposed fully to the depravities of JGY’s character have still fallen for Jin Guangyao’s lies. It makes me so sad that NMJ’s life and character is defined by his worst enemy who hurt him (and those around him, yes including LXC) the most. 

(If you’ve read until this point for some reason PLEASE hit me up to discuss this more, I’d be happy to talk more about NMJ or MDZS in general... If you’re gonna argue just be polite!!) 

[wilhellmine]

Get to know me - Alphabet

DAY 26 - Z

1) Zak Bagans

Of course I cant miss this wonderful man <3 Zak is one of my biggest loves! My boo, my baby boy (who is older than me, but who cares, he still is my baby boy :D ) Many people think that he is a macho, but I dont. I actually think that he isnt confident at all, he just wears a mask for people, because he has trust issues and he is afraid to show his true self - which is a thing that I know very good in fact, people diagnosed with anxiety or depression do that often. I also dont believe when people say that he isnt behaving good - well, sometimes he can, but arent we all just humans? Dont we all have our own flaws? I see Zak as an extremely beautiful person with soooo pretty eyes and a wonderful smile and I would soooo love to talk to him in person. And, like Im always saying, the way he loves his dog... and the way he behaves to every animal the crew meets on investigations... you cant be a bad person if you love animals. And I dont think its a crime to love animals more than people, I do love animals more then humans too :D I also think that he is very good at what he is doing, I mean - the spiritual stuff and he tries to help people who are in problems and are dealing with dangerous and dark stuff. Anyway... Zak Bagans is one of my biggest crushes <3 When he smiles, I smile, when he is sad, I am sad. And Im soooo, soooooo happy that he got better in these day, it seems that he is slowly getting over what happened with Nick and he laughs more often, makes jokes and he is getting back to his old self, which I am very happy about <3 I think he is a good man, that is just trying to hide his insecurities, if he would be so bad as people claim him to be, everyone would leave the crew, not just Nick. And, btw, I would sooo love to watch a documentary narrated by Zak about something... common, like... I dont know, horses or bears or flowers in the wild or something :D that would be totally awesome! I love his voice soooo much <3 And Im proud to say that my baby daughter obviously likes it too, because she was "watching" a few eps with us and whenever Zak started to talk, she calmed down, so... yep, definitely a charming voice :D

2) Zaaron

OOOOH YEEEEEAAAAAH!!!! Im more and more into Zaaron since Nick left. I feel that Aaron is the right one for Zak, which could be seen in my What Lies In The Dark fic, especially in the way I ended it. I wanted the fic to end in a different way, but I changed my mind. NAK is my OTP forever, but... Aaron is able to make Zak laugh, to comfort him and it actually can be seen during the episodes, its pretty clear that Aaron is the one that made Zak feel better. Aaron, who was a scaredy cat, never left, he never left Zak alone (and I hope he wont do that now as he has a GF). I was in shock when I found out that Aaron has a GF which he is going to marry, but, you know... I dont care, I still ship it :D

3) Zilly

Oh my, this is one of the cutest ships ever! Billy and Zak are always teasing each other and making jokes and I feel like Billy is the only one who is allowed to make fun of Zak :D

4) Zay

Oooh, my newest religion! Such an underrated ship!! Jay and Zak are now closer and closer and you can see it clearly while watching the screaming room episodes! Zak caressing Jays hair, Jay being the only one who doesnt make fun of Zak... yep! Thats why Im writing a Zay fanfic right now :)

5) Zakota

Um... did I really mention all of the ships that involve Zak? :D Yes, I did XD Zakota is a fine daddy-baby boy ship :) I made a vid for this ship, you can watch it here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CoQeWfpWd4

6) Zombies

I like zombies, though I am afraid that something like a zombie apocalypse will happen one day. I sometimes have really scary dreams, in which Zombies are chasing me and they want to bite me, Im always like "ok, bastard, bite me finally, I want to end this all", but then, when the zombie gets to close, I always start running again, so... I think it means that even when Im tired and hopeless the most, I never give up :) I like Zombie comedies more than horror movies. My fav Zombie movie is "Shaun of the dead" :)

7) Zucchini

My fav vegetable! Im happy that my daughter likes it too, she tried zucchini as the second vegetable after pumpkin and she fell in love with it right away :)

[indigopurple]

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

[itsthatsillygoose]

Kit, a raggedy ass analysis

I wrote an analysis of forthbeam last week and y'all we're dragging the others to hell saying they weren't as complex so let me prove you wrong starting with Kit ft. a lot of Ming. If u want my summery Mingkit analysis it's the last paragraph on this post but I'll post it separately too:

Something that really intrigues me about kit is his capacity for other people’s attention. We see through out the first series that Beam is quite a ladies man and is seen many times trying to hit on the stars of the university but for Kit this is rare. Aside from Pha, Beam and Forth, Kit is rarely seen interacting with anyone one else closely and think that speaks volumes of his personality. He may be stubborn and sometimes aggressive but I think deep down he's compensating for a lack of security, all he really wants is that resounding feeling of safety and he finds that with in the tight knit friendship between him, Beam and Pha; and perhaps that’s what makes his relationship with Ming so infatuating.

Ming is the very definition of what Kit seems to avoid, he is bold and loud, clumsy with his feelings, a stranger. He's a player and doesn't need that sense of security like the other which seemed to be the biggest red flag to kit during their development. Imediately when the two first properly meet there’s a sense of surprise from the shorter when he finds that Ming still remembers him, and straight away he throws up his guard. Through out at least the series so far it's almost like Kit wants himself to hate Ming or at least he feels like he should; he knows Ming is everything he seeks to avoid and so he tries to act accordingly. He constantly seems frustrated around him but rather than being agitated by Ming, I think what's really bothering him is himself and the way he can't help but yearn for these moments of having the other around. Doesn't make sence right? Surely he'd be happy if he actually wanted to see him? Well you'd figure, but perhaps it causes Kit such anguish as he knows while having Ming around he loses control and he doesnt want to give him self the oppertunity to get to know him or like him as even just a friend,,, and so instead he snaps at him. Again I think this was a really subtle and lovely way of displaying Kits issue; he truly is an increadible example of head vs heart.

I loved looking deeper into these two as they appear to have such a typical dynamic of cat and dog, but I really think the second series explored so much deeper into their personalities and character. I think what is really being portreyed by these two is so much more than just a spunky journey of two boys in love. Really I think that we delve into dealing with the concept of searching for trust and a sense of clarity in not only someone else but yourself too. I do think that kit is perhaps the “protagonist’ of this idea. Ming is very much the big scary monster in the dark for him. Whether Kit had had partners before or not I'm unsure but I think the reason why Ming really affected him so incredibly was that he’d never been loved in such a way, so shamelessly and intensely, especially by someone like Ming. Someone he’s so unalike in so many ways. Really I think their arch isn’t about Ming breaking into Kit's abrasive character but rather Kit searching for truth and a reason to believe in ming and the insecurities on both ends of that.

We see many times that kit is appalled by Mings ways, for example the way ming had so many ex partners, this was such a big piece information to just be brushed over; infact its exactly what knocked kit so far from feeling like he could reach out and grasp onto Ming. Again referring back to before, I think kit really yearns for a sence of safety in everyone he brings close to him, a place to relax, someone he can trust enough to not hide behind his front; he doesn’t care to be played with or used so seeing that ming would throw away his past relationships so readily perhaps triggered that insecurity as he rightly so doesn't feel that sense of security with ming. He appears unpredictable to Kit, almost as if he throws his feeling around carelessly, but we know this isn't true and that in fact Ming is increadibly predictable.

We see more of this when Kit storms away at the beach telling ming to stay where he is (which he does). Personally this is still one of my favourite scenes as it's fucking bursting with emotion and crammed with developing concepts i've already mentioned but it really does just get me every time. There's so much to unpick, it really was the turning point for the two- at least in my eyes. It admittedly does just appear as if Kit got short tempered and barked at Ming who then got upset and sulked, but really the scene is a lot meatier. It was really a big eye opener for kit as though neither of them spoke about what happened, it really felt like they both knew Ming was proving to kit that he takes his word seriously, and isn't afraid to commit to him. Kit seemed guilty when the scene returned to him and the others drinking but when Ming was dragged in by another friend Kit seems shocked realizing he probably would have sat there all night if it had played out that way. Maybe he assumed ming had gone back to his room but the fact he didnt was such a slap in the face. I love this cause Ming stares at him sadly, knowing full well he's proven a point. Kit knows he's upset Ming and realises that rather than Ming not taking the idea of a relationship seriously, perhaps he himself was the one dismissing any chance of something real, some clarity. Maybe he was his own scary monster in the dark. He knows full well that Ming is harmless or else he wouldn't have appeared so guilty when returning to the hang out without him.

The whole beamkit scene where beam pulled a doozy on us and pretended he and kit were dating is another obvious telling of his character, (nines expressions in those few seconds were fucking ace btw, the absolute utter panic swirling into sorry eyes, then a punch in the gut and finally regret) in those few moments alone its obvious that he knows he's done Ming wrong, but if you really look closer there's a whole ugly ass betrayal hiding in there. In the chat they just had in a prior scene, Kit makes a point out of not wanting to get hurt by Ming leading him on only to ditch him for another person, but what did kit just do to Ming? Huh?¿?? Exactly, its easily missed but it's an awesome detail i picked up when diving into this and i have to say it was another perfect example of Kit being flung between head vs heart. Kit's been trying so hard to get Ming to use his head rather than his heart, but by using his own head to try and protect him self Kit's only gone and done the exact thing he was so afraid happening to himself to Ming. I think realising this he understands that even though they're so different and worlds apart, they're both just dumb fucking humans and he shouldnt be so hard on Ming, especially when Ming's been nothing but loyal and honest. Perhaps Kit is scared of committing but he's projecting that onto Ming because he doesn't want to admit it, he only sees what he wants to see because thats all he knows after putting up a front for so long when ever his emotional well being is threatened.

Honestly Kit's really just been his own problem this entire show and he really ought to sit the fuck down and let him self live 👏🏻

Thought it was endearing when he took Pha out so he could get drunk. Obviously getting wasted to forget your problems isn't particularly endearing, but like i said about Beam last week, it makes him feel more human. Especially when Beam shows up acting like the whole beamkit couple thing was a joke (when it clearly wasn't) and Kit's just like fuck you you're so annoying. Smh he really is boo boo that fool. He's just so completey oblivious that his best friend in the entire world is head over heels in love with him, so gullible just believing what ever the fuck anyone says. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt seen as he was drunk but Idk it just tickles me that he's always so tense and always so on guard yet the level of dumbassery is just,,,, how's he gonna be a doctor when he's literally a raw nerve on fucking legs. Bless.

He really lets things bother him, but he's much more readable than beam which we know even just from Phana knowing right away what was up. The fact he hid from Ming when Ming entered the bar(?) too really emphasized how completely not as hard as nails he is despite how he tends to act tough. Thought that was a sweet detail in unravelling Kit's personality and how Ming seems already to have completely knocked his walls down; Kit's not even trying to act like he's unaffected anymore.

We all joke about Beam being an emotional wreck but fr kits really not that far behind. He deals with everything horribly and always seems to make shit worse for both himself and Ming. He just wants what's best for everyone but sometimes that's harder than it looks and he really proved that. He goes into panic mode if Ming so much as breaths in his direction which actually does the complete opposite of intended as rather than seeming tough and cold, it just shows Ming that Kit's easily flustered around him, EG, HE FUCKING LIKES HIM, KIT JUST WRITE IT ON YOUR FOREHEAD AT THIS POINT. He thinks he's so mysterious fr, boy the whole world and it's goldfish has you sussed, who do you think your fooling with that attitude?

Can't not mention the kiss and how sweet that was on Kit's end. After all that mess and acting unaffected, as soon as he sees Ming move towards him he imediately melts back into his big softie boyf as if he'd been waiting a life time to kiss him. He literally called him a 'bastard' seconds before, if that ain't some sort of chaotic then what the fuck is he. Jkjk, back to the point, Kit does this thing where he lies to him self, C O N S T A N T L Y. He's forever telling himself that he's in control, he's forever telling himself that Ming's out to get him, he's forever acting as if he doesn't want anything to do with Ming, but this scene was so satisfying cause it really just ripped everything he'd been pretending to be from right underneath him. He kissed Ming so readily and for the first time in the relationship he actually seemed put together and calm and in control. He's never known what to do with Ming's attention yet here and now with his lips on his all he could do was reach out and grasp on to his 'scary monster in the dark' (Side note i absolutely fucking adore how Kit's gone from being so rough and brash with Ming to being so ridiculously shy after the kiss. I think it's forced him to face facts and he finally realised there was no point in keeping up his walls. Ming knows now, theres no need. It's sweet showing his vulnerable side for once, this is some healthy character development i can get behind.)

You'll have noticed this gradually got less formal and is slowly making less and less sense. That's because as i'm writing this it's 5:40am and the brain juice is running low but the next bit should be a pinch more coherent sorry,

What i love about Kit and Ming's relationship is the whole role reverse as the series progressed. At the beginning we see Kit, part of a solid group of friends and he's comfortable and confident where as Ming's just a new student at the university, finding his feet. We expect him to perhaps be naïve or immature, and yes he's a little clingy but really Ming is one of the most stable characters going and exactly what kit needs despite how he first appeared. Not once has Ming changed his goal of pursuing kit, not once has he fucked up, not once has he ever panicked. Ming- even though he's sulky- is really quite mature with his dealing of Kit. He's honest and really does what ever he can to make it work. I loved the example of this where he backed off after the kiss. It was so so sweet considering how clingy he usually is, and it really shows he takes great time and contemplation when considering Kits feelings and that he has a really deep understanding of how Kit's mind actually works and how he may react. He backs off knowing Kit likes his space and that maybe he over stepped the line pretending to be black out drunk, but again i really love this as this creates that safe space and feeling of clarity that i keep bringing up as it meant kit could reach out in his own time and really come to terms with things without any pressure. It meant that for once Kit would have to make the move to communicate and take a step in their relationship and i think for Ming to take that initiative to really somewhat place their fate in Kits hands for a while was really quite sweet and mature of him. We stan our emotionally healthy engineering boys fr. We come to realise by now that perhaps Kit is actually quite bashful and somewhat of a baby dear when it comes to emotions, charging head first into anything but initially losing his footing right off the get go. But Ming is stable, he is collected and cool and surprisingly gentle. Its really quite tell tale that kit spoke so much about ming maybe lacking in commitment when really he was the one too afraid to commit, he was clearly insecure. This arch really was kit heavy and though i already said what i think their arch focuses on, i just want to add that it also explores growth and becoming a better person because of a relationship. They bounce off eachother in such an interesting way, and so intunely that they cant help but work. Kit never knows what to say or how to approach ming but its okay, Ming has that covered and always comes to find him. Ming's very flirtatious, and kit and easy to fluster. Kit needs time and Ming is patient. All these little north and south traits really just pull together and i love how these two were written with such harmony. I know I've delved way deeper than was ever intended for these characters but i think we shouldn't take for granted the complexity of such a wonderful thing.

This is the reason why i think 2moons2 is miles ahead of 2moons the series. Aside from the cringe music, over dramatic zooms and lingering shots which can sometimes make it difficult to watch, 2moons2 really seeks complexity in each character and i admire that itch to bring them to life as i feel 2moons was increadibly 2D in this aspect. I only really believed in Kit when i watched that series, but 2moons2 really forces you to believe and invest in every main character and i just think as someone who writes that it's rather lovely.

What are your thoughts? Do comment if you have time, I'd love to hear more on these two :)

[ryncorrect]

university!au: day6 wonpil

first of all i will definitely do poorly on this because,,, you know,,,,, he’s so precious and i don’t think my words can do it justice ksbdjshs i wanna make the sweetest scenario for him

but i suck at sweet stuffs smh bye

name: kim wonpil

major: modeling (i still cant believe this is an actual major im living under a rock smh)

other activities: member of music club, keyboardist and main singer of the university band

jae calls him “the backbone” of the music club because wonpil participates in all club events, he always takes part in weekly activities, and he actively finds new recruits

jae on the other side pops up once in a blue moon to play guitar, do shit, then disappears

don’t worry ever since jae starts dating the newest member who happens to be wonpil’s bestie he’s more active now

honestly more than half of their club members joined because wonpil made them to

he’s persuasive and convincing okay you would end up eating rocks if he told you it’s good for health

but he’ll never do that ever bc he speaks no lies okay he’s like the sweetest person in the earth

he’ll cry by the sight of cute puppies, do i have to explain further

wonpil was nominated as the club president but the other candidate park sungjin who’s also his roommate beat him by one vote

well he prefers to be just regular member anyway, that way he can still do a lot of things for the club but with less responsibilities

you see he’s really nice, he’s caring, he’s hardworking, he’s confident, he knows how to present himself and he’s hella attractive

he’s taking modeling as his major do i make myself clear

everyone LOVES wonpil

and i mean sometimes it’s just not only a platonic love but like an “i will give you my heart and soul please marry me” love

too bad he’s oblivious af

someone: i,, i like you wonpil,,,, d-do you like me too?

wonpil: of course!!! you’re my friend!!!!!!!!!

someone: ….oh ok

accidental friendzone

but you know he doesnt actually mean to do that, he just doesn’t think anyone likes him like that

moreover he already has someone in mind

aka the coffee shop girl

aka Y O U

yeah hello guys i am: still lame

the first time he met you was on exams week

everyone was busy and stressed af and running on almost no sleep

except maybe wonpil

not because he was fully prepared but more like he forgot exams week was coming until the day before so he just decided to wing it lol whatevs

anyway his roommate aka sungjin asked him if he could go buy him a double shot espresso so wonpil did

he rarely visits coffee shops tbh and when he does he always orders vanilla latte with extra syrup for himself

wonpil seems to be that kinda person who tries to enjoy coffee but can’t handle the bitter taste its so frickin cute and trust me you think so too

so anywayyyy yeah he never saw you, aka the new barista, before

it was ur first work day as well btw and he was ur first customer

he didn’t know why but watching you being nervous made him nervous too

just imagine a stuttering costumer and a stuttering barista

everyone watched you two with anxiety

but even when wonpil was a nervous wreck he didn’t forget to smile and before leaving he said to you, “thanks, have a great day!!!!!!!!!!!”

honest to god it made your whole day better

anyway let’s move on to the second meeting

he comes back and this time he orders a vanilla latte, but being the clumsy ass that you are, you slightly confused his order

he receives his coffee and takes a sip and he freezes

you ask whats wrong and he’s like,, uh nothing,, the coffee is just,,,, kinda bitter today??? ha,,,hahahhaha,,,,

you stand still

wait

he asked for EXTRA SYRUP not EXTRA SHOT you dumbfucc

you offer to make him a new one and he refuses saying it’s fine!!! but you still feel bad so you insist but he’s like no!!! i gotta stay awake anyway i have an important quiz today i have to study! by the way uhhhh i’ve never seen you around until recently???

you introduce yourself and he introduce himself blablabla it’s awkward and your palms keep sweating for some reason

before wonpil left, he didn’t forget to say “have a great day!! i’ll see you around then!!!”

he’s so sweet uwu

seeing him and making him his vanilla latte (extra syrup) is one of the best parts of your job tbh

and he visits every single time you’re working which makes it better

why is his smile so adorable what the fuck

and there’s something about the way he walks that keeps you looking i mean boiiiii does he know how to present himself holy shit

that feeling when you see someone so beautiful you want to cry

the more you see him the more you want to know about him

what major is he in? what is he usually do outside the class? what kind of person is he? does he have a lot of friends? what’s his hobby? stuffs like that

too bad he always comes when it’s busy at the cafe so you can’t talk too much

neither he ever tries to initiate a conversation with you except his usual “hello! how are you today?” and “thank you, you make the best coffee! have a nice day!! see you!!!”

let’s admit it you highkey have a crush on him and EVERYONE knows

wELL it’s because you always wear that expression like "goddammit why must kim wonpil be so cute if he ain’t gonna ask me on a date” whenever you watch his back as he leaves the cafe

and EVERYONE but YOU knows wonpil’s so into you

whenever someone says something like “just ask him for his number he’ll definitely give it to you” you’re like “wtf nO that’s creepy and he won’t!! he doesn’t even know me!!!”

“he literally only comes when it’s your shift and he always makes sure you’re the one taking his order you oblivious dumbass”

“it’s just a coincidence”

“…..yeah whatever”

but they’re right wonpil’s crushing on you hard

at this point sungjin can even draw a portrait of you although he hasn’t actually met you before

that’s how much wonpil talks about you

from your whole adorable appearance to how cute your little cough is, or how he adores your little smile and the sparks in your eyes when he compliments your coffee, or he’ll describe your apron what the fuck and how he thinks your look so good in white and blue

sungjin’s so done with him

“just ask her out you stalker”

“nO I CAN’T!!! SHE’LL THINK IM CREEPY!!! SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW ME”

“well i bet she remembers your face by now since you always drop by when she’s there”

“but she meets a lot of people everyday there’s NO WAY she can remember me”

you see the problem now?

then one day jae decides to play matchmaker

by “playing matchmaker” i mean he follows wonpil to the cafe and straight up tells you, in front of wonpil’s face and everyone there, “yo this friend of mine wants to take you on a date and he wonders if you’re interested”

you are: blushing

wonpil is: dead pale

you: o-oh… i’m–

wonpil: yO HE’S JUST JOKING HAHAHAHA IM SO SORRY oH My gOd jAE LET’S GO

he drags his tall friend aka jae out of the cafe and since then he never visits again :(

im sad now ugh i told you i suck at sweet stuffs like this

fast forward it’s summer and the university wonpil’s attending is holding a summer festival that’s open for public

well,,,,, you decide to go and you ask some of your friends to tag along

you’re not sure what you’re hoping; maybe you just want to see how the place wonpil’s studying at looks like, or maybe you do wish to meet him by accident or something yanno like a drama

whatever

you promised yourself that if you don’t see him today, you’ll get over him

but if you do see him, you will ask. him. out.

well jokes on you babe he’s there performing on the stage with the band

he’s,,, he’s singing,,, and playing keyboard,,,, omg his voice

as you already know im uncreative soooo by impossible coincidence somehow his eyes spot you in the crowd

btw i imagine them singing Pouring but i think you can pick any songs you like

he’s so taken aback that one second he’s singing and the next second he sees you and his eyes widen and he’s like “I’m falling for–hUH? why are you here??” to the microphone

don’t worry the others cover for his mistake while trying not to laugh

everyone laughs too while looking around to find the person whom wonpil sees

you’re embarrassed as fuck you want to curl up and hide forever

but your so-called-friends don’t let you get away that easy okay it’s your only chance

dw dude wonpil feels the same he wants to immediately get off the stage and die

but sungjin will literally kill wonpil in his sleep if he doesn’t do anything it’s now or never

poor boi has had enough of this pining shit

so after the band performance wonpil has no choice but to approach you

“h-hey! so you watched our stage!”

“y-yeah! it was great!! didn’t know you can sing so well”

“h-haha thanks”

“y-you’re welcome”

silence

more silence

wonpil clears his throat and, “so…”

you blink fast, “yeah…?”

“um uhhh do you wanna see around? i can take you”

“oH of course”

What Am I Even Writing Anymore

well remember your promise earlier? about asking him out?? no???

is it too late to chicken out and forget the whole thing now

you barely know each other it’s so awkward and he looks so fine today and you really don’t wanna push him even further now but if you hesitate longer who knows someone else will ask him first and just the thought alone breaks your heart a little bit

so it’s time to grow a pair and take risks cmon dude you can do this

one

two

“anywaysijustwonderifyou'refreenextsaturday?”

wait

it was!! not!!! your voice!!!!

“huh?”

wonpil clears his throat and repeats slower, ��i just wonder if you’re uhhhh free next saturday?”

o shit

o fUck YeAH

you cough a bit before answering, “y-y-yeah i guess??”

“ok um i like, have two tickets for movie if you want to come with me”

that’s like the lamest invitation and you yourself gotta admit that lmao

but oh kim wonpil,, dear,,,, there’s no way i would say no

so you two go on a date

or “casual outing” as you two call it

but everyone knows it’s a date okay even though you two didn’t have any skinskip oops

it’s okay it takes a bit of time but you’ll get there

i mean, since then you two go out together almost every weekend so ye it won’t be that long until the awkwardness wears off

wonpil just cherish you so much he’s afraid he’ll scare you or hurt your feeling by accident so he never boldly initiates anything

the first time you two finally holding hands is when you two go skating, and that’s just because you two are so bad at that

gotta hold each other so you won’t keep falling aye romance

you don’t know this but trust me wonpil talks about it for days sungjin almost decides to move out

he’s still insisting it’s not a date tho

“you know what, i can already imagine you two in like 10 years, standing at the altar and be like, do you marry me as a friend or what? unclear”

“do you think we’ll get married?????”

“oh dear god”

but yeah

you two will get there

somehow

just take your sweet time and give wonpil all the love in the world i beg you

that’s it YAY i think imma work on sungjin’s next wish me luck im running out of lame cliche ideas now lol bye

[hellsbellschime]

Can you tell us if there is any character that has a open ending or do they all have a conclusive ending??

Omg don’t tell me that all the originals will commit suicide taking each one of them a piece of the hollow and they will have their HEA with their significant others in the afterlife ? Obviously when their LI will die? Such a dramatic ending and absolutely absurd ;)

hope you don't take this the wrong way but i'm really grateful for your pessimistic answers. i was honestly going into the finale with high hopes but you being realistic and honest makes me prepared for the finale without being let down, so honestly it's great. whatever happens might still hurt but it will be a lot less worse when you expect it. sorry if you get any hate!

Lol im really confused as to what can happen that wont please any one whole fandom. At the moment im just imagining everyone dead lol.

Hi Hillary I am not surprised that the finale will be mediocre : TO had been such a disappointment that I don’t see why the ending should be any different. I just wish JP would get kicked out of the CW followed by Carina. The truth is that JP is not capable of writing a teenager show : she has grown up into a petulant and silly woman emotionally challenged and she will write the same stories over and over again. Carina is just a parasite who feeds off JP but her Roswell show will flop as well.

i'm thinking its a future engame, like one day, when out brats are old and we won't have any more responsibilities , we will give this a shot. if thats the case its sucks because its the same endgame they had in tvd. btw, you rock!

Do they give similar end to Caroline? Not same but somehow alike?

How is Care the send off? Please let it not be the same as the one of TVD

Somehow however long it takes is ignored i guess

If the majority of people dont get their endgames, theres no way theyre going to be watching legacies knowing theyre most likely going to be disappointed in the end. That show will fail.

Outside of knowing the writers are shit, did you expect the final to be like it is

So we got screwed over

So they kissed, had one last day and she went off again.. And klaus went wherever his fate with the family brought him

I mean now at least we know Klaus dies in the final

So both E and K die then? Having E die just seems like a rip off of TVD I think they would do something a little different

If youre saying the episode is the same qay any other episode was then im guessing elijah sacrifices himself. I cant see klaus dying and i cant see them both dying. That would shock me.

With kc, i always thought theyd have an ending where they both find each other years later like they have done now and then start their adventure together probably off screen. If their adventure is cut short or doesnt happen i dont think ill be happy with the ending. Because thats what the 'however long it takes' promise meant to me. That theyd have that in the future.

Why I feel like both Elijah & Klaus going to be dead? If that's what they planned to do from the beginning why tf they dragged KCers into this season with KC? It seems kc in TO s5 is pointless now. We could have done better off without those half baked kc scenes in TO.

So do kc get the endgame a lot of us thought where they go off to travel together?

You’re not denying Klaus’ death which makes me scared. I don’t mind an implied kc endgame, but with him dead, it seems like the worst finale even for the general audience to handle.

Klaus is dying isn’t he? You guys got the full picture, I’m sure and from your answers, it’ll be a conclusive ending, take the writers into consideration etc, I’m pretty certain at this point he dies, I just wish you guys would just come out and say it clearly

I’m gutted to say the least. There was no reason for JP to that

http://klarolinedrabbles.tumblr.com/post/176413869343/alright-so-here-i-am-i-know-i-went-ghost-for-a

[irregulardiaryposts]

00:53 21/06/2021

Hello again <3

so i think im gonna write about my mental health today because i dont feel like i have anyone who understands fully apart from myself maybe so i need to Organise my Thoughts. as a kid i had a pretty normal childhood, a mum a dad and a brother - pretty nuclear right. but as a child i felt like my family maybe wasnt quite right, that this wasnt supposed to be what family is? perhaps. - i was scared of my mum a lot because she wasnt very understanding of me - and i was a great kid, never getting into trouble, very good at school, no issues whatsover. the thing that really shows how i thought of my relationship with my mum was when i was like maybe 8 or so having a parents night and at it my teacher had nothing bad to say apart from i was kinda bossy in group settings (im sure i dont need to explain how misogynistic that actually is- i was not bossy i was a natural leader) and when i got home my mum told me off for that and i felt like she was kinda cold to me and not taking all the good things about me into consideration when telling me off for that.

i feel like thats a really defining moment in my life when i realised i cant expect adults to Understand me, realised how people treat young girls, also started my defiant behaviour maybe or was kinda one of the key moments that made me dislike certain authorities in my life, that if people wont understand me regardless of how i explain myself then i wont bother trying to be understood by people who wont matter to me. anyway yes i was scared of my mum-like petrified sometimes- but my dad wasnt great either, he also had his shortcomings. i feel like he never really cared about me like he was kinda apathetic towards raising me like a parent - i feel he would be better suited as an uncle to someone rather than a dad - the funny childish guy that makes kids laugh -not the uncaring dad that cant be bothered to really learn about his kids. and i feel im sitting here complaining about my parents when the fact is that a lot of adults should never be parents, society has conditioned people into thinking the only way to be fulfilled in life is to live vicariously through your kids when life gets to such a boring and monotonous place where you feel the need to create a new life to spice things up lmao. i feel a lot of parents regret having kids but they cannot express that regret because it was their choice and they should deal with that, also saying you regret it would be pretty horrible to the kid.

so while yes i am complaing about my parents i dont think they were Bad in any way just not that great yaknow. also i just notice all these things growing up and i feel its been pretty impactful to understanding myself and my parents. also just some anecdotes from my childhood - i used to watch my dad play video games like the uncharted games i think theyre called, and whenever i got scared i used to hide behind the couch until the scary part was over (usually a lot of guns and high energy fight scenes thats too much adrenaline for a 7 yo) and sometimes when i would take out my dad/brothers game i would get them to fo the hard parts and do other stuff myself - i dont remember many games i played apart from one of the spidermen games where u could just web around the city and not progress apart from sometimes you would come across some strippers and i accidently got into a fight with them (also hot women with umbrellas they use to fight- maybe i went near them on purpose) i would yell to my dad and get him to do it for me. also on new years eve whenever my mum was working and we werent going to any family parties we would make a bunch of food and put it out in the kitchen - wed make like homemade onion rings, chips, have crisps and dips, and a bunch of junk basically and watch like austin powers or some shit and genuinely miss those times they were so simple. but a lot of thats tainted now from what happened. also my brothers always been annoying as shit but when we were kids we couldnt be in the same room without arguing which like whatever thats how kids are esp brothers and sisters for some reason.

i think thats majority of the background needed for the rest. wait this is a little addition but i meant to mention this here so ill put it in- basically sometimes on holidays i would geniunely think my parents hate each other/ were getting a divorce like once when we were in florida in 2012 my dad convinced my mum (as well as me and my brother convinced her since we liked them) we convinced her to go on a water slide thing that u had to walk up the stairs for, it was outdoors, and it was kinda tall and then we got in one of the big donut things and it swooshed from side to side a lot and was generally pretty scary i suppose for someone who doesnt like rides esp since you had to hold on to the handles there were no buckles or anything, and so when we got off the ride my mum was big mad at my dad and like wouldnt talk to him and stuff like that which was pretty uncomfortable to have to be the 8 year old mediator of that but there was also another occasion i think (maybe also at florida) where they were made at each other and i asked my mum if they were getting divorced and all she said was 'ask ur dad' like???? no sort of consolation to this child who thinks their parents hate each other nooo just petty 'ask him' and theres also been other times when they fight/ are mad and they dont feel the need to hide it from us so i felt quite anxious around my parents sometimes.

so ahnyway . yes. when i had just turned 13 my parents split up and it fucked me up in a multitude of ways. also i cant beleive i stopped being a proper kid at 13, like as soon as i turned a teenager life hit me like a fucking truck. so the context as to why they split is still kinda lost to me ngl but they didnt tell me much anyway since i was young but my mum basically said my dad didnt love her anymore and he wanted to separate. its kinda funny because leading up to this my dad had been sleeping in the living room for like a few weeks and there was on and off fighting i could hear and i basically thought they were fighting over me and that i was in trouble and it kinda used to keep me up coz i could hear loud voices when they thought i was asleep- which is probably the cause of why i get veryyyy mad and angry when i hear my mum at like 1 am downstairs when shes drinking and im trying to sleep, probably something ive internalised (is that the word?) and made me respond so strongly to those type of noises.

anywayyyyy yes i thought i was in trouble when they were actually just getting a divorce so ... yeah you can really tell i was young and didnt understand adult issues or really couldnt figure this out myself from all the arguing and him sleeping downstairs lmao. anyway my dad moved out and it was just me my mum and my brother now and at this point my brother wouldve been about to turn 18, so although still kinda shit, not really as affected my it as a 13 yo, just to keep in mind. so i was devastated obviously and my whole world was kinda shattered but i had to hold it together a bit, also i was sometimes my mothers own therapist having to say things like 'everything happens for a reason' 'itll get better' in response to her deteriorating mental health and her questions that would be really hard for me to answer like 'why did he leave' etc (bish im a child be there for me not wallow in ur own pity, u have ur whole life to sort this out youre an adult, im a 13 you and only months away from wanting to kms hun think of ur CHILD please) anyway this left me feeling like a burden if i were to share my mental state because when my mum shared her stuff she was burdening me (AGAIN i was 13 she is an adult) so that made me bottle a lot of things up also the fact that i had no one to share it with because she works as a nurse and now shes a single mother and so she works almost all hours of most days and i dont see her much, my brother was either working at this time or just didnt give enough of a shit about me to make sure i ate.

i went from being catered to for every meal because i didnt know how to cook to suddenly no one being there for me so i had to learn how to do it myself. needless to say that lead to a bunch of unhealthy eating habbits like eating the same things every day - frozen pizza, cheese toasties, i cant think of anything else probs because i didnt make anything else just ate chocolates or didnt eat breakfast coz i woke up at 2pm. just general unhealthyness both in substance and like how healthy that was for my head yk. also this is during the summer btw so it gave me the option to be incredibly depressed - im not saying that as an edgy teen thing to say im being 100% genuine i was very depressed like textbook style - not eating or overeating, not showering/ taking care of myself, extreme lack of energy and hated doing social things coz i had to put on a farce that i was okay meanwhile i couldnt wait to get into my bed and sleep the next day and a half away.

i very vividly remember at the start of the summer holiday my friend asked me if i wanted to go out and do something and i rememeber just crying at that because i had no reason to say no but i just didnt want to and felt like i couldnt do anything and so i lied and said i wasnt feeling well and then put my phone down and curled up in my bed and cried coz i was frustrated and upset and i couldnt really understand what was wrong with me and why i was Like This.

god i didnt take into account how tired i was and how late it is when i started this huh, this isnt even half of it, but i have obligations in the mornign, the last until uni or whatever so ill put this in my drafts and finsih it somethime. alrigtht it is 02:08 btw z_z. also ive just now decided im gonna re organise my tumblr so if this ends up being an actual blog thing i can navigate it easier by adding tags and such. anywau goodnight.

20:21 30/06/2021

MOTHERFOIUHIFIUDVMKCVKM V

MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWE IN THE MIDDLE OF THSAT SO ITS ALL GONE BASICALLY I WAS DEPRESSED BURTNOUT GIFTERD KID AND IT SUCKED YADDa YADDSZ ANYTWAY

so

23:01- well. yes earlier i wrote a little about the ages 13-16 and how they sucked but whatever it got deleted the more pertinent stuff happened in the last year or so anyway.

um yeah so i started the last year of highschool as a 16 year old with a fucked up brain and never having learned any study techniques or work ethic in the slightest. i took 3 uni-level courses only one i actually wanted to do, most people take 2 at most or even 1/0 but do other classes. honestly it fucking sucked this year for school but i scraped all passes so thank god for that. so i started the year quite optimistic, or as much as i could be and in all fairness the content of this year wasnt actually that bad considering i was doing 3 hard classes but corona really truly fucked everything up and by November i had mentally dropped out of my classes but of course i still had to go to them. i feel like im an oddly independent teen because ive never had a solid parental presence in a while, like i had to do a lot for myself and maybe i should thank myself for getting me through it all because i really did pull through.

my thoughts keep drifting from what im writing coz i wanna talk about different things and im just thinking maybe i shouldve just posted the last one then added a reblog when i could be bothered to write and not force myself because if theres ever a reoccurring theme in my life is that if i force myself to do anything i will hate it with my entire being, so maybe i should just do a short synopsis and write about something else afterwards.

so i took 3 hard classes, slowly lost all motivation because in jan it switches to online classes and i could Not deal with those it was horrible, and i became more of a "troublesome student" in one of my classes *cough* maths *cough* and almost got "kicked out" of taking the class just because the teacher was a control freak but like wanted to control all of our actions and behaviour, also i think i may have adhd and another kid in my class i think he does too and surprise surprise the teacher "dislikes" him too but its only a farce because he doesnt actually dislike him its only so that i cant call him out for singling me out when other students behave "badly" too. but anyways maybe ill come back to this in a while when i can be arsed explaining my complicated relationship with my parents.

the only reason i wanted to write this today was so that i could tag the post with like june 2021 or something and not june/july, but i might make another post later, Anyway happy end of pride month i supose, hope u figure it out me!