#<- didn't give her a tag with just her name because apparently there's another character with that name

[urlocalmultigroupfan]

its okay, im okay

pairing: yang jeongin x mafia/cold!reader

summary: you're parents are the leaders of one of the biggest mafia organizations there are. the yoons are feared, reasonably so. over the years you've lost too many friends, too many to count. one day you have to let go of jeongin, and it all comes crumbling down.

tags/warnings: mentions of mafia in this chapter, chris pops up, jeongin is sad, reader is sick, reader's mother is a pure b**ch, it gives grayson hawthorne, mentions of a dead character, reader's last name is yoon

a/n: yall i am so sick rn i nearly passed out in the shower....forgive me if this doesn't sound right :DD (ill get the skz ot8 reaction soonnnn)

masterlist pt. 1 ---> pt 2

Your head leans back against the wall, your eyes close, and darkness quickly fills your vision. Every breath you take is labored, like there is a weight attached to your lungs. It stops you from breathing freely.

Your head pounds with each intake of breath, piercing through the darkness that you felt was slowly taking over you. Another person might say, "Y/N, you're being overdramatic, you're just sick, its not like you're dying." But they didn't know what it is like to lose a sister to sickness. They didn't know what its like to not be allowed to not be okay.

Yoon's were never anything short of okay.

The door flies open and your mother steps in. As she opens the door, you quickly sit up and look down at the homework that lays across your lap.

You're fine.

She scans you silently, her sharp eyes roaming over your calm face. It's too calm, apparently, because she steps closer.

The hand that she places on your shoulder does nothing to soften the blow of her words. "I hope you're not sick, Y/N. How are you supposed to get prepared?"

Your eyes fly to hers as she withdraws her hand. Who does she think she is? She's a b-

You cut over your own thoughts. "I'm fine, Mother." She nods. "Good."

Anger rises up in your throat, threathening to be released. What type of person doesn't take care of their child when their sick?

You swallow down the fury. It slowly slides back down your throat, to the dark, murky depths of your soul. She doesn't care, and you know it. All she cares about is you inheriting the family name, but all you care about is Jeongin.

She scans your room and decides to drop the subject. Instead, she says sharply, "Clean up this room. It's a mess."

You nod, diverting your eyes. You know better than to talk back.

At the door, your mother stops again. "Oh, and Y/N?" She turns, her sharp eyes landing on you. "You're not allowed to see Jeongin anymore." The words hit you. Hard. You freeze and force yourself to take a deep breath, holding in the cough the develops from it.

Yoon's are never anything short of okay.

A muscle in your jaw flexes, which is your only tell, but you force yourself to nod. She sees you purposefully stepping down and gives you a satisfied look before closing the door briskly.

As soon as she leaves, you grit your teeth, but immediately regret it when doing so causes your head to ache more than it already was. What was the reason? You understood that your family was mafia, yes, but what harm did he do?

You blink and find yourself in your bathroom. Your long, brown hair tied in a braid, your normally confident face pale from your sickness. Your eyes land on your form in the mirror. Maybe she's right, you think.

Jeongin doesn't need to be involved in this.

You step back and put back on your cold, forceful mask.

Yoon's are never anything short of okay.

It was for the best.

That night, you block him on your phone, delete your messages, block him on socials. Better yet, delete the socials. Change your phone number.

He didn't need to get potentially murdered from this.

It wasn't like you weren't used to this. You'd grown up your whole life having to push away friends, potential or not.

You shove down the guilt you feel when he knocks on your door the next morning.

He doesn't need to be apart of this.

You somehow manage to force yourself to go to school the next day, like every breath you take doesn't cause your head to feel like it was being split open or for your throat to close, like everything you do doesn't cause a wave of fresh pain to go through you.

You go to school, and this time, you let yourself watch the hurt in his eyes melt away to pure pain. You watch as his friend, Chris, wraps an arm around him and leads him away, but not before giving you a hard glare.

For a brief second, you can almost hear yourself yell out his name as he and Chris walk away from you. You can almost see yourself pulling him into a hug, talking to him, spending the rest of your day with him.

But then, you blink, and the image is gone, and all there is is you standing in a full hallway, students walking around you. You've never felt so lonely amongst so many people.

You let it hurt. But then, you straighten your shoulders and sigh, letting the pain from your sickness come before pushing that away, as well.

As you walk away, an icy chill comes over you again, and you only know one thing.

Yoon's were never anything short of okay.

hope u enjoyed <33

today's writing playlist....

the sound of my own coughs by yours truly, double take by dhruv, i.f.l.y by bazzi, denial is a river by doechii, collision by stray kids, killer queen by mad tsai, red wine supernova by chappell roan

*bold is explicit*

my playlist

taglist is open! please comment if you would like to be added <3

[severelyjammed]

My Introduction

Hello! I realised I've been posting randomly on Tumblr without introducing my mission as an author and the reason I've been spamming the #jeverus and #princechaser tags.

If you're not interested or do not ship Jeverus at all, feel free to skip. No hate to all ships, we all have preferences.

Intro! My pen name is jojoven on AO3 and I've been an avid reader of Severitus ever since I discovered it. I love OP Snape and TimeTravelAUs with Snape the most and I think that's how I opened up the possibility of diving on Jeverus.

Don't get me wrong, as a reader I used to read anything. I started with Dramione, Drarry, Snirius, Snupin, Wolfstar...the works! And that's only for the Harry Potter fandom. I got myself included within anime fandoms, webtoons and k-pop fandoms as well. I just like fantasy and pretty things and I never really thought of just staying in one.

One day, my little sister (who is a waaaayyy avid reader than me, also will probably be a really great author probably in the future) told me that, that English teacher told her class 'I got this student who had a lot of talent in writing but, her way of writing is not fitting for my standards so she would always get a B'.

As a writer, I started in Wattpad and I wasn't even alone. Me and my friend shared an account and we used to write silly stories about love. That is, until I left to live in another country and I didn't write for a long time.

In my new English class, the teacher kept on giving me Bs for my writing which I thought was fair since the education system would probably be different than what I'm used to.

But apparently that's not the case.

If you've read 'Life as we Know It' on my profile, that is practically the story that got me into writing again.

Suffice to say, I was furious. It seemed so racist and I had this friend who I thought wrote weaker arguements and essays than me but was on top of the class.

When that teacher she moved away, I was on top of my work.

But yes, because of that era in my life, I started writing again.

At first it was just K-pop ships. They kept me really inspired but, as I started my way to university, the writing stopped yet again.

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Even now, I loved any ship and I usually would try to read all popular stories within those pairings but, for some reason, Jeverus was the one. Maybe it was because of my love for Severitus that led me to that pit, who knows?

Of course during my university, I still try to read and attempt to re-discover my past hobbies. Then one day, I came across a Jeverus fic (also TimeTravel AU) and decided to try it. With that fic, I definitely fell in love.

It's practically enemies to lovers, golden retriever energy character vs cool character. Two opposite characters. You can do a lot with that type of pairing.

Although, to my disappointment there wasn't alot of people who wrote about that ship. Below 2k works and I always thought that there's potential for more.

And yes, I get the shipping cues that alot of people are always pointing out. People will have problems with some ships one way or another, but its fiction and possibilities are endless. The ships (no matter which one) may be toxic, but aren't there alot of toxic fiction books that are published? They're not real. Everything will just go back to the actual franchise and whatever happens on fanfiction, will stay in fanfiction. You ship whatever or whoever you want, just enjoy it.

Anyway, I think Jeverus had alot of potential as a ship and I started making notes of all the ideas I had last year. I even posted them on my account to see if I can encourage some writers to write for me. But overall, I thought to myself, why not me?

If I write, would I inspire people to write? Or can I have people just enjoy the ship? There were alot of things to think about but, I decided to write anyway, with the thinking that maybe someday I'll post it.

And I did.

(⁠ ⁠≧⁠Д⁠≦⁠)(⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠)

It was overwhelming... A few people were either just hungry for jeverus or just curious. It gave me the courage to post the fics I've written so far plus, it gave me my hobby back.

It was also the best timing since I'll be on the type of job that requires 2 weeks of working and a week off after. Writing will definitely keep me occupied during those days along with my other hobbies.

So far, the ideas just kept coming and the writing is just flowing. I have to pat myself on the back since I have this habit of recording funny interactions I had or I've been told so it was easier to do funny stories. It also helps that people around me are funny.

\⁠(⁠๑⁠╹⁠◡⁠╹⁠๑⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♬

Anyway, that is all and that is it! To anyone who've read my stories or just seen one fic of mine. Thank you very much! The support has been immense. Not only that, the ship has surpassed 1.7k! I was so proud to be a part of that push, y'all don't even know how much (⁠ ⁠≧⁠Д⁠≦⁠). Anyway, I once again thank you especially if you've reached this far from my rant. (⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡

Hope to hear from you all on my current/next fics too!

Lots of love,

jojoven ヾ⁠(⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠*⁠)⁠ﾉ

[igotanidea]

Ren Fair: Dick Grayson x reader

summary/request: dick x reader going to a renaissance fair.

Warnigns: some innuendo (but funny ones I hope), some injuries (obviously), fluff.

***

She definitely didn't expect this.

It was just a regular Friday, and that usually meant counting down the hours until the weekend and dreaming of spending the entire two days in your apartment, in a comfy sweatshirt and sweatpants, doing nothing except maybe cuddling with your boyfriend.

With her beloved boyfriend Dick, who always knew how to take care of her, even if she wasn't aware of it.

And whom she loved because of it.

So when she came home from work, dropped her bag on the floor next to the door, kicked off her shoes, and fell face first onto the couch with a loud groan of relief, she was more than pleased to see a box wrapped in blue paper with her name tag on it. Apparently Dick's handwriting.

Her energy felt like it immediately surged again as she stood up, reaching for the gift, almost falling to the floor in the process. She was just too lazy to get up, so she took the classic "let's see how far I can stretch before I fall backwards" approach.

With the greatest delicacy and care, she untied the ribbons and took out the paper, looking inside.

She loved surprises from him.

Or at least until then.

What a pity she couldn't see her own face as she reached in and pulled out what looked like a dress but wasn't.

– Is that a damn corset? Y/N muttered, the frown on her face growing by the second. What the hell!? She never wore things like that! Did Dick get the gifts wrong? Maybe he wanted to give it to another girl? Was he cheating on her? But if so, shouldn't it be...sexier? Even though she was pained by the possibility of Dick's infidelity, she would eventually come to terms with him having a kink for a women in lingerie. But the clothes she held looked more like a habit than a seductive underwear. Did he like the nun cosplay for foreplay now!?

Cholera…

Her own thoughts disgusted her and she threw the outfit away with a groan.

Apparently she didn't know her own boyfriend.

“Hey, Y/n!”

She almost jumped on the couch when he entered the room (of course, he moved like a 100% vigilante even in his civilian version, so she didn't hear a sound. Knocking was overrated in this relationship).

"DICK!"

"Hey Baby." his eyes landed on the dress on the floor and his smile immediately disappeared. Didn't like your gift?

"I..." she began, stopping mid-sentence as her eyes landed on his figure, widening in pure shock. "What-? What are you wearing?!"

“Amazing, right? I know, I love it too. And you better not ask how long it took to find it and how much I charged Bruce's credit card. Dick chuckled, squirming around, flexing his muscles.

What the hell was going on!?

Her beloved boyfriend stood in front of the mirror and looked at himself with a huge and completely unjustified amount of self-love, while looking like...

"Clown". He smiled as if that explained everything.

“Mhm. Yes, of course. She made a confused face, barely keeping herself from palming her face. "The only thing you're missing is a hat with bells."

“You know what, that's a really great idea! Maybe I should-"

“Wow! Hold back, Grayson. Hold back! Do you want to explain this?

"But what?" he tilted his head with a confused expression, thus resembling the character whose costume he was wearing.

“Why are you wearing puffy pants and a diamond-patterned vest? Why is there a weird looking dress in the box with my name on it? Dick - "

"Wait. Wait, wait..." he pinched the bridge of his nose, turning to her. "Didn't you look in the box?"

"Yes but…"

"No? No. Inside inside." - he emphasized, and for some unknown reason a shiver ran down her spine. Should she be worried? Was there a themed toy there too?

Damn it!

She wanted to scream when, at his watchful, expectant look, she turned the box upside down and watched in amazement as a piece of paper fell out of it, which turned out to be an invitation.

What a relief

She clearly had that feeling written all over her face, because Dick's initial concern turned into a fit of laughter, which only made him look even more as a jester as he continued to shake his head.

“Y/N-” he almost choked. “What were you thinking?”

“Shut up…” she muttered, blushing

“Oh, no, please tell me. I insist!"

"Shut up you idiot!" she threw a pillow at him, which of course didn't hurt him, and focused on the list to keep her trembling hands occupied. “Renaissance fair?”

"Ta dah! Surprise!" - he smiled, throwing his hands in the air

“Since when have you been a fan of history?” Y/N frowned. “I mean, I know you're an 80s fan because Discowing….”

"Shut up!" he ran up to her and put his hand over her mouth before she even said a word. “It was comfortable and airy!”

“Can't argue with that!” She giggled, but it was actually liberating to know that he wasn't into the type of cosplay she had initially thought of.

"come on, let's go. It'll be fun, I promise. You'll be the lady-in-waiting, and I'll be your devoted clown, always ready to cheer you up."

“You don’t need that outfit to do that.”

“But it’s working,  isn’t it?” he smirked, enjoying the smile forming on her face, which he didn’t see for a while now. “Pretty please?” he pouted his lips, giving her a begging puppy look.

“can’t say no to those eyes, can I?” she ruffled his hair playfully.

“But we definitely are getting me that hat!”

*** 

Given all that, on Saturday forenoon Dick and Y/N dressed up (obviously not without her complaining about lack of ability to breathe because of the corset ties) and drove to the renaissance fair Dick was so excited about.

And apparently not only he had such feelings, cause the crowd of people coming from all directions was in fact overwhelming. Who would have thought that so many women would choose to spend their weekend dressed up in sixteenth-century robes, listening to the sounds of lute music.  Who would have thought that so many men would rather discuss the aspects of the works of the brightest minds of the era than lay on the couch mindlessly flipping through their phones or switching TV channels.

In a spacious field, here and there, were colourful tents, in which women showed Renaissance activities such as weaving and embroidery. In the very centre, at located there stage, at high noon, a typical scene from the life of people at that time was to be performed. There were costumed event participants everywhere, and the tables set under canopies were brimming under the weight of delicacies and drinks, the sight of which made your mouth water. The smells, sounds and the lazy atmosphere of sunny weekend day were creating an otherworldly and timeless impression.  It was almost like a time travel few centuries back, and despite her initial inhibitions and fear that it would all turn out to be a flop and a laughing stock it seemed like everything was buttoned to the last detail.

“are you ready m’lady?” Dick bowed slightly in front of Y/N reaching for her hand, the bells on his hat jingling at the motion.

“Grammercy (thank you)” she mirrored his motion „although I am not sure whether a Good Madam (lady of the court) shall be seen in such familiarity with a jokester.” Y/N turned her head away slightly, feigning the woman’s shyness.

“Grammercy? Oh, you little minx, you came prepared!” Dick laughed happily, trying to tickle her.

“Yeah, well, I did some research, but you have no idea how hard it was to find something more than please and thank you on the Internet on such short notice!“

“Mhm, sure…” he muttered absentmindedly, too excited by the fact that she was already starting to enjoy the day.. “You’re doing amazing one way or another. Now come on, love, I want to see everything.”

 ***

“Told you it was not a good idea to try and outdo the professionals!”

“I am a professional!”

“Not is this outfit, Dick!”

It was such a nice day, full of laughter, joy, tasting food and trying out new activities. No worries or stress or the pressure of time (pun intended). Just spending time together.

Well-

Until it was time for the acrobats to perform.

Obviously, after literal five minutes Dick crossed his arms and started sulking and muttering under his nose. Something about him being better and more skilled and if only he could get on that stage, he would let everyone know what a real SHOW was all about. Unfortunately, one of the performers heard his gabble, and unaware of the potential consequences and Dick’s attention-seeker attitude, invited him to join, before Y/N managed to stop them.

It wasn’t surprising to her that her boyfriend was in fact good, he was raised in the circus after all, but doing acrobatics, somersaults and pirouettes in the air, in a very specific suit and footwear was far from trying to do so on a slippery stage in a jester’s pompon shoes.

So, in result, she was now sitting with him in the shade of a tree, with his leg stretched out on the grass using some ice to minimize the swelling on his ankle, laughing internally at the whole situation.  

“But Y/N!”

“hush, Grayson. I swear I’m gonna put you on house arrest for bringing shame to me.” She chuckled, making sure the whole ankle was evenly cooled.

“HEY! That’s mean! And not true! That’s a slander!” he started to fidget, equally hurt and annoyed by those words. But the second her joy-filled eyes landed on his face and she gave him her prettiest smile he had to let go of the feigned resentment.

“You were so much better than those acrobats there, Dick. Truly. Thanks for bringing me here, I did have fun.” She pecked his nose briefly. “Regardless, you got to warn me next time you come up with such a crazy idea.”

“Where’s the surprise in- Wait, did you say next time?!”

“hush, jokester! It is not proper to address a lady this way.”

“God, Y/N, I love you” he grabbed her waist and not caring about correct reflection of the era’s customs pulled her close to his chest kissing her deeply. He adored that woman with her endless acceptance of his jokes and humour and staying with him despite his (sometimes childish) attitude and his openness and crazy ideas. And maybe he was keeping a little something in those puffy pants pocket, waiting for a proper time.

Which he was sure was going to come sooner than later.

honorary mention to @gone-batty-fics as a thanks for making me pay more attention to punctuation :D

[gamebunny-advance]

Doodle Dump

Been a while since I've posted a collection of bad sketches. Notes under the cut~

1-2) AC:OS Seals. So, I didn't want to give up on making those seals for you guys even though my enthusiasm for it kinda went away~ The melon soda seal feels like it's missing something, and I think the sea captain seal is giving too much Admiral Bobbery for its own good, so I might redo that one entirely. I don't hate them, but somehow they're not reading as very "Animal Crossing" to me. I think I need to get more creative about the facial features.

3) Pudding. Another attempt of designing Yuru's main mask. I think it's cute, but I'm still not sold on it. I like the colors at least, but I think I want the mask to have a big gaping mouth so he doesn't need to take it off to eat. I'm just having a hard time keeping it cute when the mouth is open.

I dunno if Pudding is gonna be their final name, but I guess it suits them.

4) Kun3h0 ver. 4(?). I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, but I just can't stop trying to redesign Kun3h0. Lately, I've been thinking that I'd like to try and make her a little less symmetrical for more visual interest. Originally the change was as simple as just adding the gauntlet to one arm (similar to be VERY early iterations of my "vtuber sona" with their one-paw glove), but then I started changing her more, and ended up with this. It's cute, but somehow I think it makes her theming even less apparent XP (her tummy lines were doing A LOT to sell the fact that she's a robot and not someone just dressed in sci-fi-ish gear).

I changed her eye color to green to draw in focus to her face (which is important for a V-Tuber design). Originally I thought I was achieving that by making the hair so much darker than everything else, thus drawing attention to the head, but I think changing the eye color to something unique helps even more with directing your eyes straight to the face.

I dunno. I like it aesthetically, but I feel like I'm losing the story here. In the last design, even though it was kinda generic, just having the clear indicator that she was inhuman did a lot to inform her character, but when I lose that, I lose the one real point of interest she had.

Then again, I've never truly had a good grasp on Kun3h0 as a character, so maybe that's what's wrong. Maybe if I sit down and actually write even a basic backstory for her, then I'd have some more direction besides, "girly robot Y2K inspired game character with a heart/bunny motif".

5-6) P2 Kliff (Banana Split/Original). So, I wanted to make a version of Kliff that fits more into my aesthetics. (Read: I wanted to make him pink). It isn't meant to be a replacement for him, just an alternate palette. In fact, I kinda liked this outfit enough to try it in his original colors too, and I think it works~

However, I dunno if I completely like the Banana Split colors

The outfit is based on this sketch from Kliff's original concept drawings.

I have NO idea what's going on in his chest area. They can't be the buttons on the top because he's wearing a turtleneck (unless it's a vest, and he's seriously wearing 3 layers in this fit). I don't think it's a lanyard because he already has a name tag on his shirt.

So I interpreted it as a necklace. I dunno, I've always felt like one of Kliff's understated traits is that he's clearly fashion conscious given how much he accessorizes and that he has the confidence to even run around in a coat that yellow, so I don't think it's out of the question that he'd wear more jewelry.

[hopeswriting]

Writing Patterns Meme

[Plain text: "Writing Patterns Meme" in big text. /End PT]

Rules: List the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!

i was tagged by @saunne , thank you for the tag!

1. "Luce realizes young her life isn't meant to be hers." - In another life (we smile the same)

2. "Reborn taps his foot against the body securely wrapped in the carpet, then rests his foot on top of it." - haunt me, then!

3. "Reborn gives up on him sooner than he usually does, and Skull waits until he disappears between the trees to relax his shoulders for the first time since they started the shooting practice." - want some help with that? (realizing your feelings for me, that is)

4. "Fon is fresh out of a shower, drying his hair with a towel when someone knocks on the door of his bedroom." - things that are lost (and the things still within reach)

5. "Tsuna opens his eyes normally while his mind snaps awake, ripped away from sleep by the chill running down his spine." - Tsuna's and Xanxus' Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

6. "Skull's all bright purple spread all over his hair and masterfully applied on his face." - rainbows-filled papers

7. "Tsuna has always known what love is." - to be loved

8. ""You're Byakuran, right?" she asks, always recognizing him at first glance in every world despite never having seen him before, and she probably has no idea just how much it means to him." - through the mirror (through your eyes)

9. "Reborn peers up at Tsuna over the paper in his hand, who's anxiously looking at it and him back and forth, and purses his lips." - to be worthy of you

10. "It starts like this: Tsuna's walking to school with Gokudera and Reborn, when he's snatched to the side by the collar of his shirt at the crossroad." - off script

What have we learned?

[Plain text: "What have we learned?" in medium text. /End PT]

the pattern is so clear here, i'm laughing lmao. 😂 well, i seem to start with the (one of the) main character's name for one. also i'm apparently more comfortable getting right down to it? not necessarily with starting with action proper, but it looks like i like to start with my characters already doing something/having done something/being about to do something. or by implying through them something already has happened, or, like. idk, but it's like they didn't come to life the very instant the story starts and they were already existing before and living their lives? or something haha.

on another note, it's not something i had realized AT ALL i do ezfsfds. but also i'm not surprised because characters dynamics and characters' inspection/exploration is my bread and butter and my favorite thing to write about <3

i tag @chierry @ravensilversea @xinhua-jun @leftnotright @steamworksfairy @loneliestmuffin and any of my mutuals/followers i'm not sure have written at least 10 fics haha. (have you @rebo-chan ?) no pressure tho, only if you want!!

[aaeds]

I've had it with HS^2

I don't make fanart or content for this fandom anymore, but after putting on "Let's Read Homestuck" in the background while I've been working I've returned to having a few Alpha kid WIPs. I have also returned to scouring the tags for cool fanart and opinions.

This is not the fandom I remember back when I was reading the comic partway through Act 2.

I cannot say I'm inspired by Homestuck^2, and to roughly quote another user - I don't know who the audience for this comic is for. The epilogues themselves were a disaster and the Candy/Meat timeline idea appears to exist to create even more drama with lackluster stakes.

There's no real clear 'goal' or core to the story besides...the fact there are two universes. And we have Ultimate-self villains.

It reads like bad fanfiction, that's nothing new - the problem is I don't think the authors are writing with irony. The series has turned into a ship-heavy metal bat beating older fans to death with teen drama and character assassination.

The current team clearly has no interest or plans for Jade for example, and in the recent update with Aradia and Robo-Dave discussing time travel - it really seemed like her body being on the floor was an excellent time to rehash several existential conversation points we ALREADY had in the original Homestuck about stable timeloops, dead Daves and how he uses his Godtier powers.

Outside of several unnecessary pages of dialogue, it was disturbing that no part of Ultimate Dave would help move Jade off the fucking floor while he and Aradia sleep in lawn chairs watching her until she became 'The Muse' It is so out of character. Pre-retcon Dave died protecting her body, Davesprite destroyed his relationship with both John and Jade knowing they would be reunited with the 'real' Dave. He was a true knight when he felt it was appropriate and mattered. But now we have a Dave who is back to having an existential crisis about his powers, life and death - and his sexuality. By bringing up dead Dave's Marriage from the epilogues. He didn't even mention Jade by name, presuming the reader read at least the wiki article on the disastrous self indulgent mess.

But that was all he had to say on that dead Dave. Just about not loving Jade. No one else, doesn't even bring up Karkat or Terezi, let alone any of his friends. Talking about Sollux for half a second I'm convinced was just to bring up a failed marriage and apparently 'not wanting to be gay'? This isn't Dave anymore, and if that's the point I want to know why we as readers should care because I promise you coming fresh off Act 6 for the third time these are not the same characters. Davepeta had a better outlook on what it means to experience doomed selves, whether they were chipper about it because of Nepeta's influence is neither here nor there. No matter what Davesprite did, it was in character for what Dave would have done because he knows himself. When it meant self sabotage so his friends could go back to the Alpha timeline Dave, that was a circumstance, and an act any Dave would have made because of the way he thought at 13 years old. That doesn't mean he didn't change, or would never change.

I don't think the furthest ring has rattled the kids in a glass jar hard enough to give them critical brain damage through every doomed timeline that they're different people. At least not in the way Robo-Dave is, or frankly anything in the Epilogue.

I'm done with the writers treating Jade as a dead animal to stuff Calliope into for a milquetoast attempt at a plot device without treating that as a joke in itself.

No Homestuck isn't a serious comic, but there's a reason Cascade broke several websites while Beyond Canon can barely drudge a handful of tagged UPD8 replies. Its audience is small and unchallenged. We don't need to bring back the use of the hard R to be invested in a storyline, but if all you're interested in in a piece of media is gender identity and sexuality well you've got it. That said, neither are a genre on their own.

HS^2 lacks one and direction and it's just going to keep dragging its carcass through the dirt until every unseen pairing in panel is churned through the fanfic machine.

[thegeminisage]

it's time for...a dual tng/ds9 update. i'm gonna be real, i would strongly prefer to put updates for separate shows in separate posts to keep my tags/archive clean, but i tried to imagine doing that for all seven seasons of ds9 (which either run concurrently to tng or voyager) and became horrifically overwhelmed. so, unfortunately, this is the way it has to be. last night we watched tng's "ship in a bottle" and ds9's "captive pursuit."

ship in a bottle (tng):

to be totally honest, i probably would have had more nuanced thoughts on this episode if 1. i hadn't been sleep deprived out of my fucking mind and also had the Worst Day Ever 2. they didn't pronounce the name "regina" to rhyme with "vagina."

like, i'm sorry, WHO SAYS IT LIKE THIS? AND THEY KEPT SAYING IT. every time i calmed down someone would say it again, or catherine would say it again to menace me, and i'd dissolve back into hysterics. i almost couldn't follow the plot of the episode because i was laughing too hard

that said, i did glance over the transcript in the cold light of day, wherein i can (attempt to) read the name "regina" as god and the mean girls intended, and i do have a few thoughts, which are as follows

i don't think moriarty makes a good villain. i mean, it's just a sherlock holmes crossover, which i'm already a little chilly on because of those fucking tjlc people, but also, it's not...really star trek. also lmao him like "YOU FORGOT ME AND I STAYED IN A MICROCHIP FOR FOUR YEARS" and meanwhile picard is like "uh no we totally researched" dude. you didn't. we all forgot about him. please be serious

ALSO, we pulled him from season 2. they were like, "SOMEONE said 'create an opponent who can out-think data'" and they can't even say pulaski's name because that was such a cheap shitty move from a cheap shitty season. do not bring that shit forward. let it die.

the sci-fi concept of "what if this nonsentient npc became self-aware and wanted to be real" is solid, i'll give it that (and bonus points at the end for picard implying they could all be living in a simulation, WHICH THEY ARE, and there's also a theory that our world is one too), but instead of...exploring the concept at all and try to decide what the ethical thing is to do about it, they play this...cat-and-mouse inception game with moriarty instead. AND THAT COULD HAVE BEEN FUN. i was actually decently impressed when geordi caught that thing in his left hand and realized a second before they told us that they had been in the holodeck all along. tng doesn't manage to trick me often and i really enjoy it when they do! i think an episode utilizing that plot twist could have been great! but it's an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT episode than "the holodeck characters may be sentient, what are you going to do about it?"

the implications were also there in "the big goodbye," which apparently won awards even though i hated it - that guy asking if his family would be there when he got home, or if he was just gonna disappear when picard walked out the door. and of course picard walked out the door and he just ceased to exist. and that one episode with what's her name, riker's dinger lady gf. there is EVERY implication throughout this series that the holodeck characters are not only CAPABLE of becoming sentient but that they ALREADY ARE SENTIENT.

THINK ABOUT THIS A SECOND. that fake deanna with no free will of her own that barclay made specifically for him to fuck is sentient. the enemies in the klingon training scenarios. the guys in the westerns. riker's fake family. geordi's creepy holodeck sex doll gf. every background extra in the dixon hill setting. the alternate versions of riker and geordi from those episodes with recordings. the alternate version of riker on the trail where he was accused of RAPE and the victim he supposedly assaulted. ALL SENTIENT.

and instead of doing anything about this, like notifying starfleet and immediately disassembling all the holodecks and never ever making another one or AT THE VERY LEAST ceasing their use until an investigation on whether or not their use is ethical takes place. we just. put moriarty and his poorly named gf into a little cube and make a 4th wall joke. a good 4th wall joke, but still.

like, is it ethical to trap them in a holosimulation that they believe is real for the rest of their endless existence? there's no choice probably but if this is the hell they go through, if they can feel the passage of time between bouts of being solid in the holodeck, isn't it unethical to create more of them?? it is the EXACT argument made for data's personhood in season 2 - the holodeck characters exist to be therapists and entertainers and whores, and there's potentially an entire race of them in there, but it is LITERALLY PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE to give them agency and lives and choices of their own. YOU HAVE TO DISASSEMBLE THE HOLODECK. or stop making these kinds of episodes.

i will say that i was so worried about this being A Barclay Episode but like he was just in it. and that was fine i guess. like he didn't do anything horrible he was just there. i can live with that...but at what cost. good fucking lord. the one time tng has a solid sci-fi premise and they totally waste it on stupid ass bullshit

oh, yeah. the two gas planets colliding in this episode to make a star was cool esp bc one of them was a jupiter knock-off. i'm pretty sure that's not how stars work but i don't know enough about it etc etc etc. compelled me anyway though.

captive pursuit (ds9):

sour note right at the beginning when this poor lady was telling sisko that quark tried to fuck her...i like quark a lot so i wish we could like retcon some of the horrible ferengi stuff cuz it really takes the wind out of my sails. but whatever

i am tosk!!! it was so cute because like he literally is tosk. but then by the end it's a bummer because he's only tosk. you know :(

i love o'brien in this episode. he called the strange alien "friend" like 3 times and then proceeded to become his number one best buddy. i was so worried when he went into the ship alone that this alien was a big meanie who would jump him but instead he just smacked his head which was pretty funny

quark acting as a therapist in this episode was really funny. he's like, tell me about your problems. and o'brien is like, thanks i'd rather die. but then he does and quark is so pleased, it was extremely funny

o'brien busting tosk out really was the only solution and very cool also. o'brien NEVER got to do stuff like this in tng. "die with honor" i love that he got the gist of it and that you could see on his face that he went from wtf to honored and touched. very sweet.

side bar but ODO DOESN'T USE PHASERS??? how does he fight...he's so fascinating to me. i want to know everything about him

surprise sisko moment at the end where he gives o'brien the business and then o'brien is like okay yeah i had that coming but like could you not have caught us. like i was so sure you were gonna catch us. what happened. and then you remember sisko is being a hardass but he literally did tell odo to walk slower. i think it's another good example of sisko threading the needle where he has to follow starfleet's rules but he knows in his heart what the right thing to do is. i like him so much

TONIGHT: tng's "aquiel" and ds9's "q-less" (GROSS what is q doing on this cool show get your tng shit outta here)

[moth-in-the-moon]

Howdy I was that first ask (sorry I'd rather stay anon, bad xmen fandom experiences taught me to keep my opinions to myself or people will go after you personally). I'm only answering now cuz it doesn't look like we got the same timezones : I found your blog after looking up Margali related stuff (I needed this) and saw the reblog with the tag about "messy timeline". I like putting together timeline charts for my favs so I pulled out my Nightcrawler related one (slightly messy from following Si Spurrier's runs) and decided to give a shot to X-Men Blue. Big mistake. I should have listened to you. My 10 years in the making timeline chart is now only good for the dumpster and I'm done with Si.

I sent my ask to you because everyone is very hush hush about these kinds of complains and I just wanted you to know you weren't alone.

Okay so, I don't hate the Golden Child on her own, it's... How she came to be was unnecessary weird (genetically Kurt is as much her grandpa as he is her dad, wtf). What a weird road to go down instead of having her be like Cardinal. You know the chimera engineered from Nightcrawler's DNA +2 mutants that's straight up Azazel with red hair and eyes ? From PoX ? (Not sure if the editors remember him at all)

Funny stuff about Azazel btw, the demon thing was a retcon on his mutant status done after Austen left (he's back to being a mutant since 2019), Azazel keeps close contact with other Winding Way witches than Margali and Nightcrawler's ectrodactyly might have come from him too because he has been shown in a few comics (when doing his behind the scenes scheming with no one else around) to have that at least for his hands and uses his shapeshifting to hide it... For reasons.

I personally never cared about the Baron because he was a nothing character ? Man didn't even have a first name or canon appearance until TAS and his lastname's a plothole. This gets to the point where having him and Azazel turn out to be the same person, like a secret identity to the latter dude, would actually be an improvement and funny idea.

You're right, that "beloved darling child" is a straight up joke when looking at Mystique and Destiny's actions : They adopted and raised Rogue in 616 since she was a CHILD, raised both her and Kurt together in the "Children in the attic" what-if (Scott Lobdell but Mystique didnt throw Nightcrawler into a waterfall to save herself. Still calls Rogue the child she "always wanted" even then) and straight up let Nightcrawler die saving Hope when they were ready to sacrifice her as a baby to save Rogue (Kurt's death was avoidable and Mystique didn't know he'd be back to life like ever).

Mystique also raised Nightcrawler from birth in Age of Apocalypse where everything is Hell and he gets killed (Apocalypse attacks long after he was born so it's the same chain of events until that) and kept close contact and looked after Destiny's many human children, mutant grandchildren and grand-grandchildren throughout the years in 616... To the point of killing Graydon Creed, her biological son which she kept close watch on until his teens, to protect them. Kurt turns out to have been neglected more by her than Graydon at this point following this one shot.

The change made here on the "definite origin story" complicates and contradict stuff for no reason. It also adds another layer of unanswered questions which goes against the point of a definite story

"Why would Mystique and Destiny plan on having this kid, finally have him then straight up abandon him because of a 'sudden vision' when one of them is a precog who checks the future 24/7 to be sure everything goes perfectly fine but apparently kept things going when she saw 0 futures with that baby in it post due-date and never even once wrote about said baby in her future diaries for Mystique to do stuff for him in the future when she was gone (contrary to Rogue the child they adopted) ?" Si Spurrier doesn't care to think about important elements like that and just keeping throwing stuff on a wall to see what sticks

"Why didn't they rescue Nightcrawler before Xavier at any point and recruit him/secretly raise him with Rogue ?" Nightcrawler's first appearance was him literally running away from a mob (canonically not his first) before being saved by Xavier, one of the 3 people Mystique and Destiny were going to assassinate in their first appearance (Days of Future Past) which directly led to Nightcrawler being one of the first (avoidable) mutant casualties of that timeline. So even without years of baggage, these two didn't care about Kurt within their first X-Men issue with him. But sure the answer to this is probably the future vision excuse again I bet...

Well tell that to Margali Szardos, the circus fortune teller who managed to properly raise Kurt and protect him with half the power, wealth, means, knowledge and people. Oh wait we can't cuz she ded (Weird coincidence that the same writer behind this story which tries to make Mystique and Destiny look like the best moms for Nightcrawler turned Kurt's actual good mom into the complete opposite of who she was then unceremoniously killed her...)

Mystique has also spent her time using her knowledge of his origins as way to get him to do stuff for her then lied about them over and over again (this story makes it the third time she lied). Something she never hesitated or regretted doing

Then you have... Krakoa. So much to say. Most recent example ? Mystique and Destiny abandoned Kurt (for the 2nd time now) in the Sins of Sinister timeline when they left the island before he got switched with his sinister clone and Margali did her full corruption thing. They straight up ignored him when he grew horns in present time from beginning to end. He gets mind-controlled, murders people and has to leave to an Orchis filled Earth without keeping in touch with anyone, no reaction whatsoever from them

This reveal just turned Mystique and Destiny from bad to god awful parents in general (it looks like they never cared because they never raised him themselves) and yet the story pretends otherwise

One, before I get into anything, BIIIG ask. I've never had an ask that big. Two, Before I get into anything, Cardinal my beloved, my son, my beautiful beautiful boy, he and god baby should both be canon and like. weird universeally/timeline displaces siblings. A thing about Cardinal that I personally think is an interesting concept is how, being part Rachel (so a descendant of Jean) would make him probably be on the Phoenixes list of favourite hosts, which I think could be interesting with his anti-violence genes (<- whatever the fuck that was). Also they should remember him, since they made Rasputin 4 canon (I have my complaints about her genetic make up too, considering shes part. illyana and piotr.) Again, long thoughts under the read more

Yeah, again I completely agree on the neglect paart. The reveal managed to make Destiny and Mystique even more horrible parents, but it's trying to paint them as loving their son, which, is kinda nonsensical with past context. As I said, this retcon at this point in time is bad for the characters BECAUSE of the years of plot from the past. From mystique caring for other children to how they both act towards Kurt throughout things like Krakoa, it doesnt really add up. Plus, what would be the reason for them to not tell him sooner? Did destiny specifically see Kurt get a sick ass magic sword and go "this is incredibly important to the timeline" and thats why they stayed quiet? Having them make destiny and raven be heartbroken about the baby having to go and having the description literally be like "neither of us ever had any kids because of love until we decited to have you" It's a whiplash that could technically work if built up right, but this wasn't built up. Because I do think this could've worked with better set up, but its too late for that.

And yeah no, there have been what-ifs of mystique "successfully" raising Kurt, so it just makes the vision a weirdly cruel plotpoint. Plus that means Destiny is now canonically at fault for all that happened to Kurt, because she knew and actively set it in motion through this retcon. Which. is a wild thing to accidentally do.

Though I do like the moment where Mystique is like "I wished for a daughter", that feels fitting to her and kurts relationship.

Also this does make Kurt doing his "make 'em talk by letting them freefall under the threat of letting them splat" to Destiny funnier. You go boy, threaten matricide!

And man, yeah, Margali wasn't a perfect mom, but we have many scenes of her being a good mom or at least trying to be (specifically for kurt). Shout out to her calling Kurt her specialest boy that one time, she loved her baby. We need a Margali comic about her and her powers honestly, she's canonically one of the strongest sorcerers ever, bound by the moody nature of a living dimension, it would be so interesting to see how the way actually effects her and if she's like, bound to certain actions by the way, lest it destroys her or something. She is the sorcerer supreme of it iirc so there is a very specific connection here, especially since the wandering way is alive. With Kurt having the magic sword now too, it would be interesting for margali to come back (cause lets be real, she isnt gonna stay dead (<- threat. by me. at the comics.) and maybe teach him magic or how to work with magic. Let them actually work out the cracks in their relationship, show that they both do love eachother, but time and everything that has come up just kept tearing at them and margalis laissez-faire nature and following of the winding way didnt really help.

also man, krakoa was a good fun idea, i hate that they killed her, you couldve done alot of good with krakoa, the writers were just on their "uuuuh. shit we cant have mutants be happy" path again

[culttvblog]

Ann Way Season: Maigret - Maigret's Little Joke

Another TV series which has never appeared on this blog, namely Maigret, the 1959 to 1963 BBC series based on the novels by Georges Simenon. Unusually for British black and white TV of this era the series survives complete and has been commercially released. In the manner of the time it combines some very atmospheric location filming in France and some very obvious sets (filmed in Britain). The episodes are written by different writers, and each is based on a different Simenon novel. According to Wikipedia a lot of trouble was taken to get genuine French props for the show and it's honestly hugely atmospheric and has given me the strongest smoking cravings I have had since I gave up 13 years ago!

The plot of this episode is exactly the classic sort of Simenon mystery, involving the death of a doctor's wife and revelations that both the doctors in the practice were 'at it' and possibly some hanky panky with digitalis. There are sort of two aspects to the plot because on the one hand the murder is being investigated by another police officer and Maigret is off sick, apparently after being injured by a criminal. He becomes interested in this case and those involved start confiding in him, since he's still just around in Paris. He's not supposed to be involved but starts inputting hints by sending anonymous notes in to the police. Honestly this is one of the wildest things about this: it's far from a straightforward investigation because of this aspect of Maigret's utter unprofessionalism and inability to leave it. I'm not going to give away the solution because it isn't necessary for this blog post. The episode is literally the last episode of the series, broadcast in 1963.

I was a bot worried at the start that Ann Way's character would turn out to be miniscule after I saw her being interviewed the first time. She plays the concierge in the building where the doctor whose wife has been killed lives. She claims not to have seen anyone pass her office at a certain time, which is clearly not true. Very quickly everyone gets on to the fact that she is almost blind, but has learned to recognise the different residents by their footstep so that she can still recognise them. Nonetheless she very naughtily tells the police she didn't *see* anyone at that time when she couldn't have seen anyone at all because she couldn't see. There is a wonderful scene where Maigret bribes her with a banknote and she holds it very close to her face, apparently smelling it, and then listens to the sound it makes when she rustles it, clearly someone who can't see it clearly or at all. Way is also marvellous in the role because she's clearly an absolute harridan.

I just have one criticism which is that I see this play was based on the 1957 Simenon novel Maigret S'Amuse. In the novel Maigret has told everyone that he has gone away on holiday which really remaining in Paris without telling anyone, so the anonymous notes would seem much more anonymous. Even though he talks about going on holiday in this version, everyone knows he hasn't gone anywhere, which I think spoils some of the point of the story, which is that his duplicity mirrors the duplicity of pretty well everyone involved in the story (including Ann Way's concierge character), but in his case good comes out of it because he helps solve the murder. It would have been much improved by him appearing not to be in Paris but being there really.

My favourite bit is the French street scenes, especially the cars. This show is obviously well worth watching but not if you don't want to psychically smell pipe smoke.

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[st-helga]

Am now back to watching buffy the vampire slayer after taking a break. Am now on s2e9.

S2e9+ S2e10 Spoilers below

Xander got a role as a prison guard. Which he treats as a bad thing but like prison guards get paid bank. I know my uncle (who is bald) is one and is rich beyond reason

I like how all the characters are flawed but in unique ways. Willow is naive, Xander is a myspgynist, angel is a predator, giles is british.

I love this lame ass vampire spike keeps around to do the translations. He doesn't seem to be into the weird shit the rest are into. It feels like he's just tagging along because if he doesn't they'll kill him.

The slayer system sucks. Cause I feel like a weaker woman than buffy would've just moved to new york and told the rest of the world to fuck off. And if a new slayer can only be appointed when the old one dies I can't imagine the vampire community would wanna kill her if she isn't going out to kill vampires. But also they might cause the end of the world if not pushes back against so like she doesn't really have a choice.

She had to give up her dreams when she became a vampire slayer... fuck me!

"Xander, can you shut the fuck up?" -giles

I like this chud assasin who pretends to be a door to door salesman. Maggots ftw

Oh shit the guy who owns the bar they frequent knows there are vampires who use his bar as a hunting ground. It's like a fnaf situation. As long as he can keep his business running smoothly he'll allow them to pick off a few of his patrons just to keep the peace.

And he's like selling them blood on the side? Damn. Vampires get slayed buffy gets angel. What does willy get? Paid.

I wanna see a spin off about this guy on his own. Even though there seems to be a high chance of spike killing him for ratting him out. Maybe he can move to boston and open a new vampire friendly bar. It'll be like cheers but with vampires. It'll sell a million dollars

Willow has a fear of frog? Holy shit same! Maybe not a full on phonia but some feogs freak me out.

The chud vampire is named Norman Pfister? Pronounced like fister? That's insane. I thought maybe pfister was another name for a worm or a maggot or something but no! Apparently it's just some swedish last name. Pfister? I barely even know her!

Ohh shit just finished episode 9. She is a vampire slayer too??? There are multiple of them? I thought it was like a one and done sort oft hing. Like the pope or the dali lhama.

And thats why she tried to kill angel! Cause he's a vampire! Ooohhh

I love seeing angel actually squirm and worry for his life. He's always been the hot guy who usually has control over the situation. It's nice seeing the other side of him. Makes him feel a lot more human even if he technically is not.

Okay so there aren't multiple. Kendra was summoned to the position due to a technicality when Buffy was dead for a bit at the end of season 1.

Woohoo Willy is alive! And he made bank from selling out Angel!

Did Spike really drag angel down here just to make him sit in the cuck chair?

And shit. Xander and Cordelia? I would pretend to be surprised but I got spoiled about thay already. But we can still play pretend.

John green got shot! That cop wasn't even supernatural or anything that's just what she does.

Buffy and Kendra are such good foils. Kendra seems like she is kinda like what buffy is expected to be. Someone who exists to be a vessel for "the slayer" while forfeiting her own life in the process. It's weird how she had a weird amount of respect for Xander. I thought it might be because he's a man or something but she didn't act that way around giles. Maybe she has a crush on Xander or something? Idk

This episode is basically just Angel squirm compilation. They're putting him in such peculiar situations. As someone who never really found angel atteactive prior to this episode I get it more now. What does that say about me?

"I am the bug man, coo coo cachoo" killed me. Xander had a banger every blue moon.

Were Druscilla Spike and angel like in a polycule? If vampires were real they'd definitely be super into polyamary I think.

"He's a vampire, he should die" (vine boom) (thunder) (werwolf howl)

Willy is such a little weasel. I love his traitorous ass. I know he'll probably be dead by the end of the episode but still.

I love Kendra so much. Something about girl raised from birth for a single purpose just gets me. She had a better character arc in a 40 minute episode then a lot of characters do in whole movies. I hope we see her again.

And willy gets away! It's all turning up will.

Oh and Xander/Cordelia is happening I guess. I thought they might wait on it but I gues not. Fair, I guess that's a fine relationship. It probably won't be end game but as long as this stops him from longing for buffy/ leading willow on i'm happy.

[icerosesummerbracket]

Sure, I love every love interest Madame Spiceberry ever had in RoIiS because they're all amazingly well written but Ianthe was my favorite and I was heartbroken when they broke things off. I've read all the "fix-it" fics several times (yes even the one with A/B/O dynamics, the stuff I'm submitting myself to for this pair...) but before the TV series announcement there weren't many of them

I know many shows go the grim, hopelesz way now but I really hope the adaptation gets their relationship right.

It works so well as a lightener in the books (I love the quiet parts like when Ianthe is telling fairytales' stories to the inn's clients and their kids during a stormy evening and Madame Spiceberry is just glancing at her affectionately) after emotional dark scenes (I really needed it after the scene at the Wishing Well)

Also they better keep Ianthe's Southeast Asian's features and her chronic headaches.

I know some people tend to write off Ianthe because they prefer shipping Madame Spiceberry with Etienne (I mean, not that I don't ship those two, but anyway POINT,) but you gotta give Ianthe a chance man! She may not have as big a role as other characters but she has her place in the series!

[charles-rxwlands]

the aftermath of 'i love you.'

this is the sequel to my fic how kaz would react to 'i love you.' which was basically all angst. spoiler alert: this is all angst, too.

pairing: kaz brekker/reader but not exactly (??) cause they've broken up so uh

rating: teen

word count: 1.5k (rounded up)

summary: what happened after you said 'i love you,' to kaz

tags: gender neutral!reader, angst, unhappy ending

warnings: swearing, self-deprecating thoughts, and i think that's it? but pls lmk if anything else is needed

read on ao3

a/n: the writing quality of this really went 📉📈📉 but in my defense i wrote most of this while my brother watched tommy innit videos at full volume so ofc i was distracted.

and fyi muzzen is not an oc, he's one of the minor minor characters in soc!

once again, feedback and reblogs are appreciated! hope you enjoy reading <3

Kaz's pov

He watched you from the other side of the room as you blatantly flirted with Muzzen. He had his glass of kvas (Jesper had begged for the club to order the ravkan mead for weeks) in a death grip. You ran your fingers through your hair, and smiled at something Muzzen had said. He tugged lightly on the collar of your jacket, making you laugh softly. Kaz's heart tightened, jealousy settling in his chest.

You looked happy, even as you conversed with the brainless bodyguard who probably couldn't count up to ten. Kaz hadn't been able to make you happy like that. But you had loved him anyway, and he had 'fucked you over', as you'd put it.

I love you.

You're a coward, Brekker.

Kaz let out something in between a sigh and a frustrated grunt. He drained the rest of his drink in one go, and set the glass down more violently than he'd intended. His scowl deepened, if that were even possible, when he sensex Inej slide into the seat next to him. He waited for her to speak, because he sure as hell wasn't going to initiate the conversation. What was there to say? You and him were over. And it was all his fault. 

"Kaz," Inej said. Her tone of voice was gentle - too gentle. He didn't want to be pitied, for fuck's sake. 

"What is it, Inej?" he snapped. 

"Tell me what happened between you and Y/n."

"Nothing to tell." He shrugged. 

Annoyance flickered over her face. "I care about you both, you know," she said. "I don't like seeing you two like this."

He gave her a withering look, if only to disguise the ugly feeling that flared up within him at her words. 

Don't care about me.

Don't love me.

You can't.

Kaz bit the inside of his cheek and hung his head. He studiously ignored Inej for a solid minute. At some point, he noticed that you and Muzzen had abandoned your corner table, most likely to go suck each other's faces off. The thought sent jolts of jealousy through his heart. 

"For Saint's sake- did she break your heart? Is that it?" she demanded, apparently having had enough of his silence.

He 'tsked' in annoyance, standing up abruptly. He snatched up his cane. "Maybe I broke hers," he muttered before walking off. He didn't want to answer questions today. Or ever.

Inej didn't follow him, and he was thankful for that. He trudged up the stairway, the rickety steps creaking under his weight. Emotions swirled within him, brewing up a storm. It was just a matter of time before he exploded, because as much as he hated to admit it, he was still human. Especially when it came to you. 

You had been one of the first people to see his humanity, and the last thing he wanted was to become another monster in your life.

But then again, maybe it was too late.

Suddenly, he bumped into someone. He hissed, flinching backwards. "Watch it-," his next words died on his tongue when he looked up, and came face to face with you. For a few, painfully awkward moments, the two of you held eye contact. Your face was stony, but your e/c eyes betrayed some kind of emotion that Kaz couldn't be bothered to decipher right now.

"Sorry, Brekker," you apologised. Your tone was flat. "C'mon, Muzzen," you gestured for him to follow you back down with a jerk of your head.

His hand twitched at his side as you left, almost as if his body yearned for your presence. Your shoulders nearly touched - missing each other by less than a centimetre. He couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing. 

Letting out another sharp breath, Kaz resumed the walk back to his room. His footsteps grew quicker and more urgent. Your name echoed in his mind, as well as the three words that had haunted him for days now. 

Y/n. Y/n. Y/n.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

He slammed the door behind him when he finally reached his quarters. His cane fell to the floor, although his gloves stayed on. He stumbled into the cramped bathroom, bracing two hands against the rusty sink. He twisted the tap open, ignoring the squeak of the old mechanism that would have otherwise annoyed him. A gentle stream of water flowed from the tap head, and he splashed some on his face. 

No, he thought stubbornly, I am not going to break down because of Y/n.

The despair that rattled inside of him said otherwise.

f only he had reacted better when you'd told him you loved him. If only he hadn't yelled at you and called you all those horrible things that weren't true about you in the slightest. You weren't selfish at all. You were the exact opposite. You were kind, and thoughtful, and understanding - so, so understanding of him and his endless baggage. And he had- he had ruined it all, because of his own cowardice.

You're a coward, Brekker.

I know, he thought, not for the first time. I'm sorry. 

· · ─── ·𖥸· ─── · ·

Your pov

"I- I'm sorry, Muzzen, but I think I'm gonna turn in for the night," you said to the bodyguard, smiling sheepishly. "I've got a bit of a headache."

"It's alright," he said, giving a half-hearted smile back. It was clear he didn't believe you. You didn't know if that was because your acting skills weren't as up to par as you thought, or because the bodyguard was smarter than you made him out to be.

You all but ran up the stairs, nearly sagging in relief as the door closed behind you. You suddenly couldn't stand the feeling of the fabric of your coat on your skin and shrugged it off; Kaz had bought it for you, because of course the reminder of him lingered everywhere you went.

Your room wasn't anywhere near big, but it was a good way away from Kaz's, and for the first time, you were grateful for that. You couldn't deal with him at the moment.

Wait, no, that came out wrong. It wasn't him specifically that you couldn't deal with, it was the bad memories (or, rather, memory, as there was one key shitshow that had ruimed everything) that came with him.

Oh, Saints, why, why, why had you told him you loved him? Things had been going so well! And then you- you fucked it up. Yes, you had blatantly blamed this on Kaz the day of the argument, but deep down, you knew you were the one at fault. 

Your heart ached every time you thought of him. You missed Kaz. So, so much. It hadn't escaped you how he had been eyeing you and Muzzen earlier in the evening. You could only hope that he was staring out of jealousy, and not devising some foolproof plan to get rid of you.

What would it take for Kaz to forgive you? Or had you fucked things up beyond repair? 

"Shit," you whispered, leaning your head against the wall. Tears burned at the corners of your eyes. "Shit." You didn't know what exactly was 'shit'. Maybe the decision you came to moments later.

I'm going to apologise to him," you said to your empty room. "I will."

With a sniffle, you cracked open your door and slipped back outside. You had left your coat in a pile on the floor, making you vulnerable to the cold that pierced the empty areas of the Crow Club. Your feet carried you to Kaz's room naturally. You barely had to think about where you were going. Instead, you thought of Kaz himself. 

Kaz. Your fallen angel, you used to call him in your mind. You couldn't express how sorry you were. You didn't even know what you were sorry for. Loving him? Loving him, and saying it aloud? Loving him, and saying it aloud, because you were so sure he felt the same way? 

You had been being selfish. Kaz said so himself. Selfish and stupid. Of course Kaz didn't love you.

At last, you were in front of his door. You raised a fist to knock. Opened your mouth to call out. Except you did none of those. You just stood there, tears welling up in your eyes once again, a familiar pang of sadness in your chest. 

He wouldn't want to see you. How could he? This was your fault, wasn't it? It was your selfishness, and your wishful thinking that had gotten you two into this position. You missed him, but you wouldn't go as far as to think he missed you, too. If you attempted to apologise… would it really be for him? 

You wouldn't be selfish. Not again.

"I'm sorry," you whispered. 

You turned around, and walked away. 

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[distant--shadow]

very much not a post about Cole, yes I brought up a question of theirs that got answered but that was in another post as an example of poor question selection and how it felt shitty in context of "hey I'm gonna give all of this attention to this last question" and getting that, which was lame (maybe I'm out of touch here, I'm not in any big servers or cliques, I'm not aware of the role the glasses play as a "lightning rod" still, as u say, or that it was still relevant. to me it has been made pretty clear (as Laura said) in campaign that she needs them but doesn't have them (I couldn't care less if people chose to make their own art with her wearing them, I'm aware of what making choices u enjoy for ur own fanart is), therefore my frustration on that getting asked. you have picked a post out of a few I made and q's I answered that would give this context (and how I'm more frustrated by the show as a whole as well as general fandom behaviour) . the most tasteless question by far was about gendering the future kids, that is what I'm annoyed at when I'm talking about needing your own headcanons confirmed, idk who made it and I didn't put much thought into paying attention to names behind them because at the end of the day I was just noting the overall quality of questions, I'm not gonna change my opinion on the question based on the person behind it. I also think it will always be valid to critique media you care about and also quesiton the behaviours of people that share space with you(as u are with me rn) (so yes I see u people saying "lol get over the term girlfailure, we got bigger issues going on in the world" then a moment later being like "omg cr fandom has so much casual misogyny" like yeah, you're partaking in casual misogny babe. yes I'm aware people disagree with this. this is my blog, I'm a person with opinions) I have since spoken to people who submitted questions, none of which got answered and people admit they sent both more in depth and lighthearted ones. yes from that I can conclude that the issue lies more with the curation, but it doesn't change the fact that I feel frustrated, and I had said that yes Laura is probably just picking out anything that looks like a quesiton in a quickly moving chat, u can see how she deflated when getting far enough through some of them.

once again, this whole post jumping into Cole defense is just showing that you're also agitated by something in the moment without the actual context you're "having to assume" and that's fair, but it's arguably just as reactionary as what you're saying I did. yes, I think the fandom behaviour needs to be different if it's going to have this much impact on the actual content of a show, that's the main thing here, I don't like the feeling of being catered or pandered to if this is what they think fans want to see, yes maybe a lot of this is me being reactive to that feeling. it's a blog. I'm sharing my opinions in the moment. I want others to see that despite the fact I make a fuck tonne of shipping art, I don't actually want that being lip-serviced like those are my needs during the sparse oppurtunities that we get for deeper character answers.

also, to end, to finish off this post with the tags "#the fires ya'll #kyle just lost his fucking house" like what???! OK????!!! do you feel righteous now? you don't think i 100% support them taking all the time off they need tor recover from this? that I'm not sympathetic? you really saying hey excuse you, don't be a bully, fires have happened? when the person I'm apparently targeting from your post is not cast or crew? (or in california, as far as I'm aware) like what? that's the "unkind" thing to say right there, I get that things are super rough and Laura is recovering from a lost voice because of everything going on. maybe they didn't need to rush it, maybe that doesn't change the fact they still recorded and chose the questions they did? I don't think many fans were thinking "oh i'll ask baby questions because there have been fires." I'm not gonna go into this any more but, super super lame behaviour.

I shouldn't be surprised by the fireside chat being the state it was, seeing as I don't follow any CR themed blogs myself or really go into the tags because I find it frustrating but still, the bleed over of fanon is depressing and a lot of you are showing your asses in terms of how you don't actually gaf about the characters or the story the players have chosen to tell.

I love my au's, I love my headcanons, I love my not quite canon ships, but they're for me and the people who chose to enjoy them if they want to. and what makes creating those things more fulfilling is trying to really be true to the character it's about, otherwise just go play with OCs

this will be my last salty post on the matter (guess we'll see) but man, the timing? all of this crazy shit is going on, it is well established that the audience is frustrated with how little downtime we've had with these characters and getting to see those long rest bonds we got to enjoy with previous campaigns, 4SD is over, and that's what you wanna ask about? it's selfish, honestly.

[wyn-n-tonic]

hi ive seen your days of you and me inspo tags and was wondering if you could tell us anything about that story? i see you havent played the game so is it going from what you know from the shows trailers or are you basing it on the game version of the character bc you watched the cut scenes? are people that dont know the story going to be spoiled if we read before the show comes out? tia!

hi babe!!

i love all of these questions and am going to do my best to answer and explain and hopefully set your mind at ease! this is long so i've put it under a cut (no spoilers) because i don't want to take up too much dashboard real estate.

i have played the game but i played it a long time ago and i didn't do very well with it because games like that can make me have panic attacks (as silly as that might sound). but i haven't just watched the cutscenes, i've been watching the full playthroughs of the game (both original and the remake, there are subtle differences and additions) and the second game as well as the Left Behind DLC (totaling over 40 hours altogether). i've also been going over the script for the video game, studying the trailers of the show and i've got pictures from scenes and settings of the games to help me with descriptions. one of my beta readers is also a friend who studied the first game for school and helped with work on the second game in her internship (and has four TLOU tattoos, i trust her with my life.

people who don't know the story will not be spoiled for the story of the game/show before it comes out if reading Days of You & Me as it predates the story and is my interpretation based on Joel in the game and what i know of the trailers for how Joel would be and behave in a relationship. i am combining what i know of the games with what i know of the show and pre-outbreak Joel is being written as a combination of game Joel interpretation and my Frankie Morales/Marcus Pike interpretations.

this story is also not coming out right now as i want to have most of my series finished before i start posting it. that way i can ensure that strings near the end are tying nicely to strings at the beginning and i'm keeping consistency throughout.

i'm also planning to do it this way so that i can go in after watching the show and make sure that my details are cohesive with show Joel/Sarah/Tommy and settings and any bits of history Joel gives us (because we're supposed to get more Joel backstory than the games apparently).

another reason i've decided to it like this is so that the story is all done the way i want it done and i don't feel pressure or outside influence impacting the way i want to tell the story. i'm very excited though, this is the first story i'm seeing beginning to end in my head THIS clearly in a very long time.

this is a Joel/OFC story. her name is Alison Murphy and she's an emergency room nurse in Austin, Texas, who meets Joel while treating him. i don't think anything is really groundbreaking about this story, i just want to explore two humans who value family in different ways learning about one another and falling in love with one another and i'm really looking forward to sharing it with you all!!

[suna-reversed]

HQ boys as Taylor Swift songs-folklore

characters- Oikawa (exile), Atsumu (my tears ricochet), Meian (illicit affairs)

tags/warnings- ANGST, breakup, heartbreak, cheating, mentions of alcohol, manipulative behaviour, fluff in Meian’s if you squint

suggestions for pt2 would be appreciated (currently thinking of cardigan with Bokuto and hoax with Tsukishima)

Oikawa

“I can see you standin', honey

With his arms around your body

Laughin' but the joke's not funny at all”

He had told himself over and over again to not look; in the flight, in the ride to the hotel, even as he passed the entrance gates of the exquisite banquet hall where the reunion was being held. All he had to do was keep his eyes away. 

But you were here, and he had never been good at withstanding the cosmic pull you always held. Even if you were in the arms of another, laughing like you always used to, with him. 

I think I've seen this film before

And I didn't like the ending

“What changed, Tooru?” Your eyes were red and puffy, you had exhausted all your tears while he simply stood in the corner and watched. 

“This isn’t going to work out y/n. We’re both miles away, with different lives, in different time zones, around different people; we can’t have a relationship built on nothi-” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose,  “...I’m saving both of us from the pain that would come with splitting a few years down the line.” 

“Do you still love me?”

Oikawa was familiar with the grief that came with loss; the grief of giving something every single bit of your soul, only to come out empty-handed and wounded. 

“Go back home, y/n.”

You're not my homeland anymore

So what am I defendin' now?

You were my town

Now I'm in exile seein' you out

Perhaps he had damned himself to ruination. Given up without a fight. But that didn’t matter now. 

You look ethereal, with stars in your eyes and glee in your smile. It doesn’t matter if he’s not the one behind it. You would have been a shell of who you are right now if you had stayed with him anyways. 

He turns around, heading for exit.

Just one last time. He promises himself. His lips curve upwards into a bittersweet smile as he turns around to get his last look. Instead, he finds himself staring into the expanse of an entire galaxy. A cosmic explosion coming his way as the floor shifts from beneath him. 

No, you definitely don’t sound the same.

How long has it been since he heard that voice?

“Not even gonna say goodbye before you leave Oikawa?”

What happened to your precious “Tooru”?

Atsumu

Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe

All the hell you gave me?

The clock reads 01:27 am. You’ve been sitting on the couch for the past 3 hours, the untouched dinner on the table gone cold long ago. You hear the sound of a door slamming shut, hushed footsteps making their way towards the center of the apartment, coming to a halt at the sight of you.

“Why are you still awake?” 

“You promised we’d have dinner together tonight.”

“Listen, it got late at practice, you could’ve just eaten without me.”

“You could’ve at least dropped a text.” You murmur, trying to keep your voice from breaking. This wasn’t the first time he had stood you up.

“It’s not that big of a deal y/n. You realise how important the upcoming match is to me, don’t you?” He sighs, shaking his head in disappointment, “Let’s just go to bed okay, I’m tired.” 

“Okay.” You mutter, loosening your grip on the 2 year anniversary gift hidden below the couch cushion. A platinum ring with yours and Atsumu’s initials carved on the inside.  

You wear the same jewels that I gave you

As you bury me

Atsumu’s vision is blurry, shirt drenched in sweat, his head pounding as he’s pushed against the wall. He doesn’t know whether it’s from the screaming match he just had with you, or from the two bottles he chugged at a shady bar right after he walked out. 

All that matters right now is the feeling of the hands of the girl that’s kissing his jaw. The same spot where you had pressed a chaste kiss not too long ago as you told him that you were going to leave- 

No, he’s not going to think about it. All that matters is the touch of skin against skin, filling in the void you caused as he kneads the supple flesh of her thigh with his hand. The same hand that bore a platinum ring, the letters engraved inside of it now fatuous and futile. 

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

You turned into your worst fears

No, no, no. 

Why are you here?

Why are you back?

“I had hoped we could talk-” You take a deep breath, feet stuck in place as you lay your eyes upon the marks littering his jaw, his neck, going much farther down-

A sob comes out from deep inside your chest. 

No, no, no. 

He’s looking at you, your crestfallen face, tears falling off of it like british showers. 

He’s acting before he can think, falling to his knees, grabbing onto your waist as you try to walk out. 

“No! Angel, please just let me explain. I thought you were never coming back- I would've never-”

“Never what Atsumu?!” Your voice is louder than you expected it to be. 

“Never what? A single fight is all it takes for you to discard everything we ever had? For you to step over everything I put into a relationship that has barely even existed for so long!” 

He’s never heard you shout before. But it's okay, it’s okay if you shout at him, if you break a few things, hell you can wreck his whole apartment if it means that you’re staying for even just a moment longer. 

But you’re not. You’re pushing him away, movements stern, as you try to make your way to the door. All he can do is cling onto you, crying your name over and over again as he racks his brain for a way to make you stay. 

Why was it always you who knew what to say when it came to fixing things?

Meian 

Make sure nobody sees you leave

Hood over your head

Keep your eyes down

Tell your friends you're out for a run

You'll be flushed when you return

You knew there were aspects of his life he had no control over. After all, he was watched by thousands of eyes everyday; the star player, the golden boy; the captain of MSBY. So how does it matter if you had to go a mile extra to hide what you had?

You loved who he was as a person and how he made you feel. Good-morning and goodnight texts, warm cuddles after matches, dancing in the kitchen to songs you don’t know the name of, late night drives to get takeout or go stargazing, laughing till you were on the floor crying. You loved him so much.

And that's the thing about illicit affairs

And clandestine meetings

And stolen stares

They show their truth one single time

But they lie, and they lie, and they lie

A billion little times

“Volleyball player Meian Shugo spotted with a blonde beauty at the MSBY vs Adlers afterparty. Could she be his rumoured girlfriend that we’ve been kept in the dark about all along? Read more for exclusive deta-”

You can’t shed a single tear staring at the cover of the magazine. Not because your heart hasn't just been ripped out of your chest, but because you’re in public, standing in line at the grocery store picking up snacks for you and...Meian. 

Why did you not see this coming? What hurt more was that you knew the girl. Meian had introduced you to her as a friend, and her as his social media manager. So this was clearly a misunderstanding right? It had to be. Despite telling yourself that over and over again, you still couldn’t get the picture of his arm wrapped around her waist and the smile etched onto his face out of your mind as you drove home, tears blurring your vision.

Don't call me kid

Don't call me baby

Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me

“Baby please listen to me-”

You’re sitting on the edge of the couch. You don’t know how long ago you stopped screaming, how long ago the anger dissipated and the rage turned into silent sobs, leaving behind a gaping hollow feeling in your chest. 

You feel him shift closer to you but you don’t at him, still sniffing, your head buried in your arms. 

“She was at the party because she’s our manager, you know Jessi-”

“Don’t say her name.” you hiss out. 

“I wish I never met you, I wish I never got into this stupid arrangement. I wish-” You’re rambling now, sobs escaping between every few words as you try to comprehend the situation, “I hate this. I hate you.” 

Heavy silence hangs in the room. 

And you know damn well

For you I would ruin myself

A million little times

You find arms being wrapped around you and your head being pulled into a warm chest. You try to fight at first, but you’re tired; your throat hurts, your eyes burn and everything feels so cold, so you let yourself guiltily fall into his comfort, pathetically sobbing into his neck.

He patiently waits for your sobs to quiet down, one hand rubbing gentle circles onto your back while the other cradles the back of your head.

“She was at the party with the whole team and the publicist used it as a way to create gossip. That’s all there is to it. I had not given my consent for them to go ahead with this, but they refused to make our relationship public. Apparently, they didn’t think that the age gap between us would reflect well on my reputation.” 

Meian’s heart breaks at the sound that leaves you as he says that, your hand gripping onto the fabric of his shirt as you start sniffing once more. 

“I don’t care about what they say princess, you know that.” He kisses the top of your head, pulling you even closer to himself as if he could absorb the pain from you. 

“I’m so sorry, give me another chance please. I didn’t tell you because I knew it’d hurt you. I promise I’ll make it up to you, please?” 

You look up at him. His eyes are filled with tender love and pure adoration, it makes your heart melt. You nod, burying your face into the crook of his neck. Of course you would, he's your precious Meian, you’d always forgive him. Why did you ever think he’d do anything to hurt you?

Meian smiles into your hair, ignoring the sound of the notification popping up on the phone kept on the table, 

Jessica: hey, we're still on for tonight right ? ;)