#{{ musings }}

[johannestevans]

Police detective trying to solve a murder who accidentally stumbles onto the victim's neighbour's secret - he's a vampire. Drinks blood, avoids the sun, the whole shebang. He didn't kill her though. So while that's life changing information and whatever it does not help his case one bit

Vampire didn't even know her that well. He caught her cat once when the thing got out and brought him back after sundown. She gave him a cobbler, which he said was very bad, but not the sort of thing you'd do a murder over. "That's not funny," says the cop. "A woman is dead."

And the vampire is like, "Well, I implied that killing her was wrong."

The cop gives up with the vampire. Finds out a lady this woman worked with is like, a witch, or does magic or some shit. Real magic. Cool. She didn't kill her either though. Jesus Christ.

This cop finding an entire magical society and being utterly humourless and annoyed about the entire thing because it's not even helping his CASE

[scriptastra]

[scriptastra]

[inkpressedpetals]

[johannestevans]

a thing i love about kai winn is the way in which she is OBSESSED with personal responsibility as a way of absolving herself of her influence over others.

it's bareil's CHOICE to kill himself because she won't tell him not to. it's people's CHOICE to follow their d'jarras. "i won't interfere."

this poor insane and absurdly scarred woman who is repeatedly and continuously rejected by her own gods. a starfleet human is their new messiah, to whom the prophets continuously reach out. the prophets are speaking to everybody but her - not just kira, youthful and disobedient and chaotic

but fucking. more humans. a trill. odo. a FERENGI!!!!

forsaken by the prophets during the occupation and like… it's so easy for kira to judge her, she thinks, when kira had weapons, and winn never did. all she had was her mind and her ability to talk and manipulate and bribe

and she is so absurdly lonely. she's no longer in a prison cell the way she was for most of the occupation, but she may as well be. everyone thinks her cold and treacherous - the ds9 cmo calls her a coward to her face! her!!!! a priestess who has survived a genocide, this CHILD, calls her a coward!!

and in her mind i think it's just. so much easier to think of everything in terms of… people make choices. she's not making anyone do anything. she's not holding a gun or the weight of an occupying force. she's not making any threats. people can just make their choices. like she has - has had to

and like. god. her gods do not give a single fuck about her. when she's finally able to reach out to them outright that they do not think about her and if they did they would think she's fucking cringe. when your own gods say you're not worth shit, well, okay! i guess she'll do whatever then!

i understand why people have like. a massive knee jerk response to winn - i do think that people wrongly conflate her fundamentalism with american christian fundamentalism & its ideologies, bc like. she is not an american. she is not a member of the dominant culture. she is a genocide survivor

and god like. you can see the acid in her mouth whenever she's negotiating with the cardassians, but more than that like. kira as a member of the bajoran militia works very closely with starfleet, and she's also federation-pilled from hanging out with those rootbeer-drinking freaks 24/7

winn doesn't have that. all she has is the knowledge that starfleet watched the cardassians rape and pillage and abuse and murder her people for decades and not give a flying fuck because the bajorans didn't have anything they wanted. and then the wormhole appeared. and suddenly they were helping

and idk like. she's so painfully uncomfortable with quark naming a fucking dessert after her and trying to get her to try it bc she's not a fucking celebrity and she doesn't want to be.

kira accuses her of wanting fame and her place in history but that's so clearly not what she cares about

she genuinely DOES want what's best for her people. and unfortunately, like kira, she very much has an all or nothing spirit about the whole thing. for winn, that doesn't mean bombing the families of oppressors or blowing up DS9 to stop the cardassians from taking it. it means shit like this

taking every single advantage she can get, using up her assets even when those assets are dying in front of her, even when super fucking unethical medical stuff is being done - letting bareil die when, really, he didn't need to, just for one treaty where there will be others, frankly

but kai can't think of all the people she's killing or leaving behind, because she's not that kind of strategician and she's not ACTUALLY interested in Going Down In History. what she wants, what she has always wanted, is to save what she sees as The Core of Bajor as best she can, and preserve it

part of that is saving people, redirecting prison ships, fucking off the cardassians, getting these treaties signed. part of that IS keeping starfleet at arm's length and, frankly, ensuring that bajor doesn't become a federation planet and get subsumed into federation culture.

and most of all it's faith and doctrine and her fundamentalist understandings of bajoran texts and the teachings of the prophets, because that is what helped her survive, and therefore, in her fucked-up head, all that MUST survive in perpetuity

god. i love that awful woman

[authorafterhours]

I'm constantly in flux between "Hannibal doesn't care about Molly. She is a nonentity to him, a placeholder that could never understand Will or make him happy despite being everything that Will claimed to want: a nuclear family," and "Hannibal obsessing over it, comparing them. What did she have, or do that swayed Will to choose her? He thinks about this intensely as he sees the pale line around Will's finger where a ring used to be. What meals did Molly make, and did they sit bland on Will's tongue or provide a simple comfort Hannibal neglected to see? Did she make him smile, laugh? Hannibal always thought jealously beneath him, but as always, Will inspires new feelings Hannibal has little to no idea what to do with."

[shamebats]

If T makes you gain weight and E and antidepressants do it too, and so does enjoying good food and not being hungry all the time, then perhaps maybe sometimes joy & weight gain come hand in hand and that's good

[septemberkisses]

the fact that i'm no longer the same age as the protagonists of novels and films i once connected to is so heartbreaking. there was a time when I looked forward to turning their age. i did. and i also outgrew them. i continue to age, but they don't; never will. the immortality of fiction is beautiful, but cruel.

[insatiableghouliee]

they think I'm only kidding

that after one I'm done

it's hard to be insatiable

to ask for more

to be greedy

"one is enough." I tell myself

pushing aside my needs to stroke an ego

again and again and again

hoping this will be the time

I'm fully appreciated

understood

thoroughly used

waiting...

My problem is I wanna fuck after we fucked then fuck again & again & again

[lambofmoss]

being weird and full of love can save you

and it might save those around you, too

[plaidos]

if you’re a trans ally you have to be ok with seeing topless dudes with their tits out & girls with bulges in their jeans or skirts etc. trans bodies are normal, get used to them, they’re not going anywhere.

[scriptastra]

[sitronsangbody]

It will never not baffle me how hard society tries to insist that fatness is an abnormality. The average western woman wears plus size clothing. One of the smallest garments on the scale is called a medium. Most people with anorexia are in the overweight bmi category, yet somehow that's known as "atypical anorexia". Fatness is often labeled the cause of a number of diseases, but there are literally no diseases exclusive to fat bodies. Looking at movies and television, you'd think the world was 98% thin people. It's not.

My point isn't that if it was pretty rare to be fat, fatphobia would be okay. Of course not.

My point is that we're surrounded by all these artificial indicators that fatness is unnatural and uncommon and it's just not true?? Humans are not always thin and we've never all been thin and we're not all meant to be thin. Fat humans are a normal type of human. Fatness is a feature, not a bug.

[mascula-sappho]

Aren't plushies beautiful? They were created so a sick child had something to hold. They were created so an adult living alone might have a friend to keep them company. They were created for a teenager to clutch to her chest as she cries. They were created to accompany a college student to his geology classes. They were created not for any material benefit, they don't change tires, but to be loved.

They were created for the purpose of love.

[inkpressedpetals]