#晓星尘

[heebiebeebies]

Tender neck kisses

Thank you so much for your contribution, @aoxue <3

SFW prompt for @yicityaction

[shuang-hua]

i finally managed to start drawing something for @songlanweek2024 ... but then i decided i wanted that to turn into a Proper Painting that would take way longer than i had so i didn't do that after all.

luckily i also had the little drawing of this one in my sketchbook so i quickly coloured that instead. and then fell asleep before i could post it.

...anyway it may not technically be Offical Song Lan Love Week anymore but ummm... i love him. and so does xiao xingchen :)

this has alt text. extended image description below the cut.

Xiao Xingchen sits cross-legged at the head of a bed, a pillow behind him, looking down with a smile at Song Lan, who's head he is cradling in his lap. Song Lan has his hands folded neatly on his chest, and looks up with a raised eyebrow as Xiao Xingchen gently caresses or pets his face, but he is smiling too. The colours are simple and faint.

Pen and watercolour on paper.

[thekansta]

them

[a-d-f]

[tentative-wanderer]

After staring at the computer too long:

After working too long:

[skylerbluexd]

Chasing a Soul

Prompt: SongXiao time travel AU fix-it CW/TW: blood, body horror

Xiao Xingchen's fractured soul starts to weaken. Song Lan brings him to the Cloud Recesses to ask for help. Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian find an old mysterious mirror among all the artefacts stored in the Forbidden Library. The mirror operates with resentful energy and is said to have the power to bring a person's soul back into the world. Lan Qiren reluctantly grants Wei Wuxian the permission to try and activate the mirror, thus opening a portal into a dark unknown.

No longer having anything to loose, Song Lan takes a leap and enters the mirror. The first thing he encounters is a large iron beast charging towards him screeching and howling, eyes flashing purple with anger. He unsheathes Fuxue and faces it head-on.

---

Xiao Xingchen is heading home after a tiring shift at the hospital one night and witnesses a man dressed in dark ancient robes brutally getting run over by an ambulance with its emergency lights on. Shocked at first, he stands there watching as both the ambulance and the man violently drift to a stop a few meters away from the point of collision. He quickly calls his colleagues currently on shift and runs over to the site of the accident.

The strange man is bleeding dark blood, and the sharp ends of his bones are piercing through his pale skin at odd angles, but miraculously, he staggers onto his feet almost instantly. Xiao Xingchen is taken aback for a moment, but eventually he pulls himself together and approaches the man calmly. His first thought is that the man is running on pure adrenaline from the shock and doesn't register the pain yet. His second is that the man probably isn't in a very stable place of mind at the time and therefore requires extra care when approached.

People from nearby bars and restaurants all start to gather around them. Some pull out their mobile phones to film while others gasp with horrified expressions. Xiao Xingchen notices that the ambulance driver sits hunched over the steering wheel unmoving. He looks around while still keeping an eye on the injured man. Personel from the hospital are running towards them with all the needed emergency equipment. He turns his attention back to the man and is met with something cold pricking the thin skin at the hollow of his throat. The man is pointing a long sword at him. Thinking the object a mere costume prop, Xiao Xingchen reaches up to grab the blade with both his hands to prevent the man from accidentally swinging and hitting him or someone else if startled. The shining blade cuts into his palms and Xiao Xingchen's hands suddenly feel icy. He doesn't realise the pain in time and looks down to see red blood trickling down his wrists. The sensation raises the hair on his nape and his vision turns blurry, almost as if his body is experiencing a visceral reaction to the situation.

A short breath escapes the man dressed in black and Xiao Xingchen raises his gaze to meet his eyes. The expression he sees is one of despair and confused helplessness. Xiao Xingchen swallows soundlessly, the tip of the sword almost breaking skin. The sharp blade is retracted a few inches, but since his hands are still firmly gripping it, his blood only drips even more as his palms are thoroughly sliced open.

The sound of police sirens closes in on them, mixing with the blabering of the onlookers and the screaming of the emergency workers. Time almost seemed to have slowed down. As the pain finally catches up to him, Xiao Xingchen lets go of the sword. In a flash, the strange man flees. His robes and black long hair blending into the darkness.

(This is also one of those prompts that I would like to turn into a longer fic. It might take a long time, though. Like, a really long time.)

[alicemark]

Sorry

[sugarbunbie]

Go give love to HB's art!!! It's incredible and gave me the BEST goosebumps

RBB 2024

Letters to Song Lan by AG1234VL with @heebiebeebies

Summary:

Xiao Xingchen is having a bad time after his best friend Song Lan moves out of their shared apartment. Meanwhile, a mysterious young man moves in next door, seemingly fascinated by Xiao Xingchen's every move. With his days coloured by his new neighbour and his nights haunted by his old friend, Xiao Xingchen finds himself drawing closer to a grand epiphany.

Thank you HB for your absolutely incredible piece of art that blew my mind wide open to the possibility of a creepy little epistolary set in the 1970s where Xiao Xingchen keeps getting WORSE XDDDD It's been amazing working with you!! <3

Thanking @mdzsrbb as well for making this possible. Saluting the mods for their amazing work matching and supporting so many of us in the process of this event!!

[lotusflowerbreakingthesurface]

Let's Talk About PingXie: Part 4

Let's Get To Know the Artists 🎨

As expected of a fandom that has actively existed and for so many years, there are many talented artists who make contributions to Daomu Biji fandom, whether they are official artists or fan artists. I hope that more people will recognize their hard work and give them "like" and "support". Above all, please do not repost their artworks without permission/credible sources.

I know that some fanarts are too old, and we couldn't find out who the artist is no matter how hard we tried T_T If that's the case, please explain it clearly and do not claim them as your own. Some artists also have guidelines on the usage of their artworks, such as: no reposting, no self-printing, avatar/wallpaper only, etc. For more information, you can check their profiles or homepages since every artist has their own rules. Make sure to follow their rules, alright? (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

So, let's talk about PingXie fan artists and Daomu Biji official artists. Of course, only a few of them... there are too many artists to put them all here...

Please note that some may have quit the fandom, not active anymore, take a break from the fandom, or indulge in other fandoms/multifandoms. Hopefully, they wouldn't set up their Weibo to only display within half a year, so we can still appreciate their hard work 💖

Note: Mainly on Weibo (🧣) and Lofter (Lof), feel free to tell me if there is something wrong.

🌾 Fan Artists 🌾

1. 🧣: 尘心尺雪 ・ Lof: 尘心尺雪 ・ X: @kylin37044

About them: PingXie Only; doesn't like people posting her works without permission, but some people still do it and make trouble, so I can see why she is very adamant about it; sometimes drawing for PingXie fanfictions too; rarely update on X.

3. 🧣: —柒拾柒個柒拾柒— ・ Lof: —柒拾柒個柒拾柒—

About them: PingXie; draws single pictures too.

4. 🧣: finnnnnnnnnn_ ・ Lof: 16n

About them: PingXie; but unfortunately, quit the fandom.

5. 🧣: 阝可王月王月 ・ Lof: 天隅

About them: PingXie; mostly comic strip; but sadly she seems to quit the fandom.

6. 🧣: 柳壮壮的鱼缸 ・ Lof: 柳壮壮的鱼缸

About them: PingXie; HeiHua; often draws single pictures too.

7. 🧣: 霹雳小奸包 ・ Lof: 霹雳小奸 ・ X: @pajiji1206

About them: PingXie Only; chibi style; do not repost to other platform without permission.

8. 🧣: 条鱼豆腐

About them: PingXie; often make cute gif.

9. 🧣 藏九归一 ・ Lof: 藏九归一

About them: PingXie; Iron Triangle, many more; sadly something happened and then she quit the fandom.

Continue in "PingXie (DMBJ) Fan/Artist List Part 1" | "PingXie (DMBJ) Fan/Artist List Part 2"

There are stores on Taobao if you want to buy their PingXie fan merchs (it's PingXie Only Stores):

🧣: 十一仓出品 ・ 🍑: 十一仓出品

🧣: 互坑组 ・ 🍑: 互坑组

Or the official one from NPSS:

🧣: 南派量子泛娱正版周边

🍑: 南派泛娱 正版周边

🌾 Official Artists 🌾

All these pictures below are the commercial ones coming from 南派悠选直播间 (NPSS Live Broadcast Account).

Artist: LiuBabu (刘巴布)

He is the artist who draws Tibetan Sea Flower Manhua (The Secret of Metok) and some scenes in “雨村笔记”, “花夜前行”, etc.

Image source: GoodSmile

Artist: _丢兜

Artist: Xishisan (西十三)

Artist: Kanose

Artist: 晓泊

Artist: XmXxiaomoxiao (XmX笑莫笑)

Artist: Penny Yang (叛逆星)

Artist: ATangTang (阿堂堂)

Artist: Guaisanmu (怪三木)

Artist: YuLinTian (鱼鳞天)

I know it's a bit late to talk about it now, but I need to get it out of my draft lol

Happy New Year! 🎉🎉

◀ Previous | Next ▶

[heebiebeebies]

Is it really a birthday if you don’t cry?

[shuang-hua]

it's a full moon on his birthday! no way!!! * o *

this has alt text. extended description below the cut.

Xiao Xingchen stands facing the right, his head turned a little toward the viewer. At his side he holds his sword, pointed to the ground, and his robes and hair billow behind him. Larger than life, a bright full moon shines behind his head. The scene is simply painted in cool blue and frosty white, but the faint outline of mountains is visible in the background.

Ink and watercolour on paper.

[ineffable-opinions]

Commemoration Of Pre-2011 danmei Authors

This is part 4 of a series of translations of BL trivia collected from the internet.

Those danmei writers who retired, semi-retired from writing, retired from danmei writing or passed away

Sixteen Years of danmei

It has been sixteen years of danmei, much water has flowed under the bridge.

Very many years ago, back when we were still young, 鱼，沙奇，毒莲花，懒散仙人，红衣死神，桑桑，丁宁 ，诺诺 (these authors) took initiative and became pioneers.

Not long after, the following authors took on the mantle:

月幽，眼影，堕天，七月，星宝儿，朱夜，apple，嫣子危横空出道，携笔响应。风维，魈，拓人，柠檬火焰，希音，墨点儿，风弄，蝙蝠。

Soon followed a slew of authors; them showing their talent. Lucifer's Club infighting [aka family feud].

Dawn breaks and sun rises. The following authors emerge:

风起涟漪，少紫，应菲，吕希辰，月关，慕容，古木，月读，刺客一凉，宋颖，fatty，菖蒲，seeter，清静，bunny，赭砚，等闲，小楼，于睫，阿彻，月下桑，苏特，冰魅，林仑，紫轩，醉卧千年，宁江尘，涂沐，卡门，李小狐，古泉，水虹扉 ，白芸 , 树梢  。

Many styles of writing develops and a period of blooming follows.

Pink Jinjiang [BL focused jjwxc forum] becomes popular. Even as excellent works continue to get produced, there's tendency towards unification [during this period].

Enters 蓝淋，易人北，闪灵，尘印，十方，绪慈，墨竹，烟狗，小林子，风流涕，轩辕悬，晓春，彻夜流香，华容道，壁瑶，亦域，大风刮过，楚云暮，于烟罗，钢金属的教皇，满座衣冠胜雪，玉隐。

Followed by 林寒烟卿，秋叶影，小周123，卫风，天籁纸鸢，imeros，暗夜行路，草本精华，墨清，阿七，崔九，伶菜。

Death & Retirement

Authors who passed away:

一色淳 – passed away due to an accident in early 2005 - confirmed on June 12, 2005

浮生偷欢 (real name 周琎天 Zhou Tiantian) passed away on July 17, 2009 in Chongqing due to illness.

PETA - left us on the evening of January 12, 2008

白起(南康) – drowned himself in Xiang (湘)River

Authors who stopped writing:

苏特

涂沐

江洲菱茭

NIUNIU – got married, had kids & quit danmei circle

星宝儿 – was very famous

法老的猫

璧瑶

楚云暮

古木

微笑的猫 – left works incomplete

少紫

满座衣冠胜

女儿亭

黑山老妖

E大人

傀儡偶师

柠檬火焰

朱夜

水天

未夕

莎乐美

阿彻也

秋红叶

Bunny (? – unsure)

风过无痕 – semi-retired

KAAA – went abroad

十世暂 – on haitus till 17 September 2011

风起 - Quit danmei circle

等闲 - Quit danmei circle

 小周123 – stopped writing BL, switched to BG (aka straight romance)

——– END OF TRANSLATION ——–

All translations are produced using best of my abilities. All errors are mine. Corrections are welcome.

This is a list based on this 2011-08-19 post on douban.

[nccwa]

【海外文轩】杨秋生小说 | 走出Google Map 的魔咒

Original 杨秋生 海外文轩 2023-12-04 08:07 Posted on 美国

她竟然在Google Map 的街景图里看到他。

她是个自雇会计师，那段时间她每天固定要去两个地方，中间有一个小时的空档。两个地方蛮近的，如果办完第一件事回家，大概也只能休息10分钟，又得出门了。她就想，不晓得两个地方附近有没有什么公园，或者有树荫可以遮蔽烈阳的地方？就趁那个空档时间走完每天规定自己的一万步。

于是她利用Google Map 的卫星图一路寻找看看。

她发现那儿附近有一片新兴的住宅区，外围规划了弯弯曲曲的步道，步道边上种了一棵又一棵苍苍郁郁长得相当繁茂的树，正合她的心意。但卫星图是从空中俯瞰往下照的，看不出实地走过住家的模样，于是将卫星图转为街景图。这一转，清晰的马路与房舍立刻映入眼帘，真实地让人身历其境。她的手指不断地顺着像是新开发的社区步道一段一段���过去，整个社区规划得极好，房子设计也很新颖。滑着滑着，她居然看到一个年轻的妈妈牵着一个小女孩，像是正在过马路。她像发现了新大陆似地，兴致一来，重新回到原始设定地图，找了一个公园，再转换成街景，竟然看到一群年轻人正在公园聚会，如此传真，她似乎都能感受到公园里热闹的气气氛了。

Google Map卫星图

她像着了魔似地，打入自己家的门牌号码，想看看自己家在Google Map里是什么样子？

她看到了她那辆看起来像新的一样的丰田卡罗拉孤伶伶地停在车道，��马路的白色围牆上攀爬着开得正盛的亚当玫瑰，衬托着翠绿的草坪十分美丽。

她不由想起他。

自从她对隔壁街道一家白围牆上攀爬着美丽的亚当玫瑰赞口不绝后，他便将前院靠马路的草坪产去一大片，搭上矮围牆，每隔几尺种上一棵带着仙气的亚当玫瑰。几年下来，玫瑰越开越盛，那道花牆成为他们那条街最美丽的风景，见证着他们的爱情。

她以为她已将他封尘在记忆的深处里了，而面对着Google Map 里她家的屋子，一切如此真实，彷彿触手可及。她忍不住将手按在她称之为「爱庐」的精致屋子，不停地放大、放大、放大，想看能不能在窗口边捕捉到他的身影。

寻找他的身影的念头像一块石头，丢入她已然平静的心湖，激起一圈又一圈的涟漪。过去的记忆瞬间翻江倒海而来，一股极为难受的情绪堵住胸口，眼泪掉了出来。

她自来是没有什么方向观念的，往往转个弯，就不知道东南西北。而他的脑袋就是一个GPS，根本不需要任何的帮助，一定能够顺利找到目的地。

Google Map街景图

他宠着她，只要她想到那里，他就开车带她去。后来她上班，他陪着她从���里到公司好几趟，确定她记住了来回的路线，才让她自己开车去上班。

她顺势依赖着他，感觉她是世界上最幸福的人。

日子就像他脑袋中的GPS，轨道从来没有出错过，而命运却让她错过了所有的轨道。

那年夏天，热浪来袭，夜里她忽然惊醒，屋外像有什么窸窸窣窣的声音，听起来像风吹着叶子的声音，也有一点像刚下起豆大雨珠的声音。床边他的位子是空的。她想应该已经是深夜了，夜里有时他睡一觉会醒来，便起身到书房打开电脑做点事，累了，再回来睡个回笼觉。她一时也睡不着，下了床，穿过走道，打算也到书房。走到一半，却看到紧邻餐厅的家庭间有着微弱的灯光透出来。

家里的灯都是可调整亮度的，调到那么微弱的光线，感觉上很不寻常。

她悄悄走过去，停在门口，伸个头往里望——她清楚地看见他坐在沙发上的一角发着呆。原来他并没有开灯，而是外头满月的光透过偌大的玻璃窗照了进来。分明是夏天，月光却带着寒气，让他看起来像冰雕出来似的。

她一下子什么事明白了。

他喜欢小孩子，她也是。

虽然他是独生子，即使婆婆没事就要叨上几句，可是他从来不催她，给她最大的自由选择。

她太爱他了，婚后倒是一心准备着迎接属于他们两个的新生命。

可是，一个月又一个月，他们都错过机会。

送子娘娘似乎忘了他们的存在，五年过去了，婆婆的脸越来越难看，说出的话也越来越恶毒，连他都缓和不了，他们只好约着去看不孕症医生。

妳动过卵巢巧克力囊肿的切除手术吧？

当医生这样问她的时候，她的心一震。

那是好久以前的事了。

青春期时候，她每个月到了固定时间都痛不欲生，需要请假，妈妈带她去看医生，检查出两侧卵巢都有大到必须开刀切除的巧克力囊肿。医生信誓旦旦地说，经痛、经期不规则、经血量增加、骨盆疼痛都是不可避免的，有可能日后会导致经血逆流引起骨盆腔炎，甚至蔓延到腹膜引起致命腹膜炎，只有开刀一途。腹腔镜手术��口很小，复原也快，刀到病除，不影响卵巢功能的运作，仍具有生育能力。那时光听到肿瘤都吓到了，若还会引起腹膜炎，更令人不安，既然还能生育，便顺了医生的建议。

妳的卵巢功能已经衰退得很严重了，妳知道吗？

眼前医生推了推鼻樑上的眼镜，试着用最温柔的语气对她说。

她看到他的脸刷地像诊疗室的牆壁一样白。

那怎么办？他急切地问。

只有人工受孕了。医生说。

她像掉入地狱，有种被欺骗、不得超生的感觉。当年开刀的时候，医生分明告诉她，她仍将拥有生育能力啊。医生说的是事实，可是没告诉她，生育的机率却是非常非常低。

回家的路上，两人都没说话。

他们转往中医诊疗，期待经由中医治疗或许可以自然受孕。

她一喝中药就干呕，呕至眼泪都流出来。每次婆婆来看她干呕都以为她怀孕了，她也想这样欺骗自己。

日子变成只剩下羞辱和痛苦，没有欢愉。

拖了一年，她感觉虚耗的不只是珍贵的适孕黄金期，一直引以为傲如鱼得水的悠然自适，滋养着对方的婚姻，不知不觉紧绷起来。她觉得自己像一只随着水温加高的水煮青蛙。他们自来无所不谈，没事就爱腻在一起；尤其睡前总喜欢说说笑笑打闹嬉戏一番再相拥安心睡去，而现在，两人总是各怀着心事安安静静地躺着。有时她想挨过去贴着他温暖的身子，却觉得一道无形的牆卡在两人中间。她好想和他说说话，却找不回熟悉亲密的感觉，疏离感越来越强，让她觉得他似乎越来越陌生了，话到唇边，就让棉被覆盖着，重重地压在身上沉沉睡去。他的个性原本就温和随和不挑剔，很容易就会忽略他的感受。生活一路下来都是以彼此习惯的方式进行，被医生宣判无期徒刑后，她感觉即是两人摸得到相互的身体，却触及不到彼此的灵魂。有时她不免想，他们完美的婚姻，会不会只是她一厢情愿的幻觉，自始至终她是活在灵魂伴侣美满婚姻的幻觉里？而真正的他，心灵已经走远了？

他们又回去看不孕症医生。

妳的卵巢更老化了，再不做人工受孕，最终只能借卵了。医生凝重地提出警告说。

她的心跌到又深又黑的井里，冰透的水在她的鼻尖沉��。

借卵？那生出的孩子就不是她和他的骨肉了！不行，绝对不行！

于是，他们开始了更痛苦的身心煎熬的周期。

不同医院求诊，飞行里数足够绕地球一圈，7次取卵，4次移植、流产，超过三百针，身心具是千疮百孔，无止无尽的幻灭⋯⋯

她轻悄悄地走回卧房，斜靠枕上，空洞的眼神，空了的灵魂，如一座暗黑的没有生命的凋像。

他一直到天亮都没有回到床上来。

她听到车库门开启又关掉，她才走出卧室。

他从来都不会这样的，一股蚀心痛楚席捲而来。她走到书房，将书架上所有的孕妇须知、育儿书全都扫进侧院的回收桶。

她颓坐地上，感觉人生走到了尽头。

她需要新鲜空气。

关上门，离开让她窒息的屋子，独自走到沿溪林荫步道。

她家离这个健行步道很近，穿过几条短短的马路就到了。

如果没有特别的事，他们每天清晨都会走一趟。沿路每一栋房子，甚至每一棵树都如此熟悉，她不需要去寻找记忆，闭着眼睛她似乎都能看到她与他手牵着手的影子在前面引领着着她。

很快地进入长长步道中最美的一段，两侧虽然多是杂树，却也长得枝叶繁茂，高大参天，形成绿色天然拱门。健行的人并不多，幽静的林荫小路苍郁凉爽，一扫夏日燠热与烦躁。

一阵风吹来，阳光透过枝叶隙缝洒下来，叶子泛着金光，岁月如此静好。她怔怔地站在那儿，竟有着恍如隔世的感觉。

穿过绿木拱门是另外一番粗放的风景，走着走着就听到了溪水的声音。

干旱了几年，经过冬天与春天两季十多次的大气河侵袭，干涸了的溪水满了上来。走到溪水汇集处，一对绿头野鸭子悠游水中。最早她看到有着亮丽颜色，成双成对形影不离的野生绿头鸭子，还误以为是鸳鸯。后来才知道旧金山湾区只要有溪流，几乎就能看到绿头鸭子。她每次看到水中成双鸭子相守相随不离不弃，心情都特别好，总要看着鸭子远去了才继续前行，他便站在旁边静静地伴着她。

他们两个都是喜欢宅在家的人，结婚几年还老爱腻在一起。即使他在书房里忙着上班时间没有做完的工作，她也不会自个儿看电视。她买了一个比较精致的复古沙发躺椅，听着他忙着敲键盘的熟悉声音，觉得很安心，拿本书在旁边读着。

他们也有过不愉快的时候，意见相左，又称不上吵架或者抬杠的时候，就是沉默相待。两人都不说话，还背对背待在同一个房间里看书。彼此都知道，这样的冷战，说穿了，就是一种惩罚，对自己，也是对对方。熬上几天，他开始露出受苦的表情，她就没有办法拗下去，随便找个什么理由对着空气自言自语，他就极力高声回答，震碎了卡在彼此之间稀薄的玻璃牆。

她要的就是这么一小块，彼此相知相爱的方寸之地。

而今天早上的不告而别，已不是斗嘴或者冷战的级别了，带着决绝的意味。

原来婚姻不能只有爱。

她意识到她一直守护的方寸之地，已经崩裂了。看着她仍然视为鸳鸯的绿头鸭子，酸甜苦辣的心情瞬间翻腾，那撕心之感千回百转，她只觉柔肠寸断，痛楚难当。

再走几步，只见一只白鹭鸶孤独地伫立溪中。

她一直很喜欢体态轻盈纤细优雅的白鹭鸶，一直以为白鹭鸶就像鸳鸯一样，一定是成双成对的。后来才知道白鹭鸶孤眠在草泽之间，卓然特立在潺潺泉石之上，有着怡然独立的特质，而非总是双宿双飞。

形单影只白鹭鸶

特立独行的白鹭鸶总那么优雅孤高不群，像正在思考的哲学家。她每次看到经���站立不动的白鹭鸶，都很想知道牠在想些什么？见白鹭鸶溪边孤影，就会心生怜悯——为什么牠们喜欢离群索居，而不是双宿双飞？永远显得如此孤单，正如现在的她。

她落寞地独行，走着想着，不知不觉已远离林荫，右边出现广袤平原，极力望去目之所及是平缓起伏的层层山脉，充满原始风味；而左边是一大片如竞技场上斗得你死我活，充满不眠不休竞争的高科技谷歌公司。

两边呈现着完全迥异的面貌，她站在分岔点，突然觉得就像她走在婚姻的分界线上，一边是只能拼命，和婆婆、和命运竞赛，近乎绝望的挣扎，无止无休令人喘不过气；一边是自然风光，是她习惯的回归自然的悠然天地。

她该回到婚姻继续与婆婆、命运纠缠？还是自我放逐？

他是个无可挑剔的温和男人，但她知道他骨子里最深处有种不轻易妥协的别扭，除了对她。十年婚姻最初的甜蜜与相依在后来求子屡战屡败的挫败磨下来，所有的温柔与温情消耗殆尽，她曾从他的眼睛看到愤怒、哀伤、挣扎与绝望。站在分岔口，她意识到他们最终走到了婚姻的分界点。

        未来他会选择哪一条路？

事情是怎么发生的，到现在她都没有办法理清楚。

只记得从步道回去后就决定放他一条生路。

是谁说的？以不爱为爱。

当她跟他谈起离婚的事情的时候，她感觉到他全身颤慄不已——其实她自己也是。她的内心充满了恐惧——对即将失去他的恐惧、对未来的日子里头没有他的恐惧。她的泪水已经急涌上来，可是她没有让一滴眼泪掉下来。是的，她会失去他，将来的日子里，再也不会有他⋯⋯

亚当玫瑰

他离开后，她生了一场大病，姊姊来看护她，直骂她傻。

傻呀，她自己也知道。

她对他有深深的眷恋，她相信，即使他离开，对她仍然深深地眷恋着。

她在这个屋子里已经住了五年，他搬离开后，她原本是想卖掉这栋房子的，生怕触景生情，但是她最后还是选择留下房子，不只是因为屋子里一物一角都载满了她与他的回忆，她舍不得把这些甜蜜的感觉，从她的生命中剔除开来，最终淡忘成为模煳的记忆。在她的心底，她没有真正的放掉他，或许，还期盼着他会回来看看她？

他离开后，她才发现屋子显得特别宽广而空旷。一到夜晚，整个屋子寂静无声。偶尔一阵风吹过来，她似乎都可以听到松针落地的声音。她有时候会想，如果他死了，她还可以带着他栽种过的玫瑰花去墓园看他。而他只是离开，她却可能永远再见不到他。但她又不希望他死掉，至少知道他在一个不知道的地方好好地活着。

冬天夜晚来得早，窗外的景色一暗，她就心慌。她把家里所有的窗帘关得密密严严的，再把全家的灯都打开，到处亮亮的。

她只能呆呆地坐着，哪儿都没有地方去。

那时她没换床，还深深地眷恋着他留在床上的气味，躺在加州特大号床，那熟悉的气味帮她度过了无尽的孤独黑夜。      

而后来，她每次看着那空着的半张床，就像看见一个黑洞，她似乎就要掉进黑洞里头去了。

她终于将那张床也丢了，买了一张单人床，空间一下子大了许多。她买了一张大椅子，衣服脱下来也不拿去洗，就堆在椅子上，带点乱糟糟的味道，看起来像是有两个人住着似的。

她对各式各样的气味非常敏感，衣服被太阳晒过的味道，是一种居家安心的感觉；电锅里的饭快要煮好的时候，总让黄粱一梦变得真实起来。他的枕头套才不过几天就会飘出淡淡的油味来，她一边叨，一边也觉得有着熟悉的气味，生活充满了流动的气息。

气息随着他远离的时日久了也渐渐淡下来，连捕捉记忆都开始觉得困难。她思念他到再也没有办法遏止的狂乱的地步的时候，她就拿出纸笔来写信，一封又一封没有办法投递的信。

最初她有时会想，哪天��班回家时，他会不会出现在他们曾经拥有最美丽的回忆之处？屋子里的这个女人，曾是他最深深的爱恋？

偶尔走过他们常去的咖啡馆，有几次她以为看到了他。事后总忍不住嘲笑自己，世界上至少有一半的年轻人会像他那样穿着牛仔裤，上面着上一件看似随意却相当讲究的T 恤。

时间久了，她其实也知道，他是不会来的，也不可能不期而遇的，但是她就是不肯放掉这个念头。他曾经如此爱着她，他怎么可能就舍她而去呢？她还相信着他坚贞的爱情，就如同太阳每天早上一定会从东方升起，会照亮她的窗台。

她有一回，相信她是哭着睡着的。她做了一个梦，梦见她在海边，忽然见到他从远方奔过来，一路哭喊着：贝贝被海浪卷走了，贝贝被海浪卷走了！

贝贝是他们刚开始尝试着要孩子的时候，为孩子先取的名字。

她惊醒过来，吓出一声冷汗，心脏砰砰跳个不停。她不知道为什么会做这样的梦？有好长一段时间这个梦一直如影随形地跟着她，从来没有离去过。她只觉得痛，痛到没有办法再痛了，反倒在深渊里一点一点慢慢苏醒活过来。

她终于相信他是不会出现在她的世界里了，那已经是很久很久以后了。

她突然悲哀起来，世界上像她这样在空等中打发一辈子的女人有多少？她是不是就这样终其一生地等待永远不会再回来的爱情，日复一日、年复一年，直到头发斑白，眼睛再也看不清前面的路⋯⋯

往事一幕一幕清晰如昨，她整个陷在google map 里——听说他其实住得并不远，就在隔壁城市，她发了疯似地，开始一条一条马路寻找。地图、卫星图，街景图来回切换，彻夜未眠，无止无休地滑着地图。

终于那辆她熟悉得不能再熟悉的宝蓝色第八代的雪弗兰跑车，就出现在离她家只有三里路的一个小小社区里的一栋康斗的车道前——那绝不会有第二辆。

她将街景放大，是了，是他的车子，虽然车牌经过处理一片模煳，但她一眼就认出车尾右边保险杠他贴上的Keep Tahoe Blue贴纸。原来他真住得这么近！她的眼泪掉了下来——咫尺却天涯！

看来驾驶座车门是开的，她猜想应该是他刚坐上驾驶座上，将公事包放在乘客座，左脚还在车外尚未收回车内的那一瞬间，被谷歌拍摄街景的车瞬间拍下。她赶紧将地图放大，偏偏谷歌是从车子的背后微右的角度拍摄的，��看得到车门是打开的，却无法看到她想像中还露在车外的左脚，而后车窗深深的树影与绚丽阳光经过光学透镜的折射，半幽深半模煳，将他与她完全隔了开来！

她决定亲眼去看看。

海的尽头

她将街景图转回地图，起身，拿了纸笔，准备画出一张自己看得懂的地图，决定天一亮，她就要去寻找那栋精致的小屋。

她对于看地图一直有着极端的困难，她自小没有东南西北的概念，只有前行、右转、左转与往回走的观念，不认路，却记得每段路的建筑和地标。去哪儿，她都会画一张从家里出门一路只往前行、右转与左转属于她自己的地图。他老是笑她画的地图和日本人一样，连警察画出的案发现场地图都只有主要建筑，没有东南西北、没有街名。一瞬间，她的眼角热了，视线也模煳起来——他们的生活中曾经有过这么多的甜美记忆。曾经一起经历、拥有过的时光一旦变成记忆，她就往往卡在真实与虚幻之中，不知身在何处？不知何去何从？

她一边对着手机的地图，方向转来转去地画着，一边想着，我会看到他从门口出来，坐上爱车，微开的车窗仍然流溢出来着断人衷肠的二胡乐曲吗？

他头发长了还没去理发店修剪吗？

想着想着，她的心脏怦怦跳得厉害。

三里路，像开了一辈子。

她将车停在路口的转角处，隐身在路边的大树干后面，时不时瞥一眼。

终于，车库门打开了，他提着惯用的公事包从里头走了出来。

她的手湿了，没办法���抹额头滴下来的汗。经过眼角，流到唇边，咸咸的。

远远地看他，身形没什么变，但带着些微疲倦的面容上有着愉悦的光彩，很奇怪的组合。她想着，从来没有看过这样的他。才不过几年，就变出一个她从来没有见过的样子！

哔哔两声，车灯闪了几下，他打开驾驶座，坐上车，将公事包放到乘客的座位上，所有的动作还是和以前一个样子。

她的心剧烈地跳动起来，真想从大树后头奔过去，从后头用双手紧紧地环抱着他——她从来没有像现在这个时候这样后悔让他离开！

咫尺天涯，曾经如此亲密，竟成陌路。

一个绑着马尾巴脸上浮着笑意的年轻女人从灯已灭了的微暗的车库走出来。与其说她是女人，不如说她更像个女孩子。纤细的身材，长手长脚，像她年轻的时候。连绑着的还在晃动的马尾巴、宽松的纯棉浅蓝色格子衬衫、帅气的牛仔裤都一样，有几秒钟，她以为是她和他到了另外一个平行宇宙。

他对着马尾女孩（应该是他新娶的太太吧？）露出她已久违的怜爱表情。他说了些什么，只见马尾女孩低下头，双手摸着扁平的小腹，浅浅地笑着，眼角漾满幸福。

她的心像是受到很大的撞击，几乎要跌坐在地上。

心，一点一点往最深处痛起来。她撇过脸，地上有了豆大的水滴。

她慌乱地奔离，差一点就被路边凸出来的一块树根绊倒，大拇趾痛彻心扉。

她头上发热，身子却觉得很冷，那冷，就像有一次他们到密西根，去看人家冰钓，她好奇央求人家让她摸一下冰块缺口的水有多冰？那冰，冰到心脏都要停止跳动了，瞬间一股像被火烧似地感觉直窜手掌。冰与火在那一刻没有了界线。

她想起他们陷入深深恋情的时候，她与他最喜欢的一首汉乐府《上邪》，两人高兴起来眼里只有对方，轻轻地吟着：

上邪！我欲与君相知，长命无绝衰。

山无陵，江水为竭，冬雷震震，夏雨雪，天地合，乃敢与君绝。

文字错落相间，读起来特别有味道，注入了忠贞不二、澎湃热血，像是用生命铸就的爱情。20年，她从青春豆蔻走到充满疑惑的不惑，心头守着的不就是这一纯美情爱吗？

他，人早已走远，她还在反反覆覆地追思着过去。

她到现在都跨不过去这个坎，她不知道他是怎么跨过去的？

她的心好痛，整个人像被劈成两半，灵魂都没有了安置处。意识到了原来她是���整个生命去爱他；而曾经这么爱她的他，自己却只是他生命的一部分。

踽踽独行，阳光将她的影子拉得老长，孤独地像个寂寞的灵魂。她呆呆地站在那儿，意识到属于她最刻骨铭心、最重要最精华的人生已成了过去——他在她的生命中将永远缺席了。

她反复思索，当时二话不说还他自由，到底是不是她真正的心意、真正的爱？她对他这样深刻的爱，他知道吗？她总是一次又一次地回想那天夜里他一个人呆坐在窗边的景象，现在想起来也许事情并不是突然发生的，恐怕是一点一点已经埋伏在他们各自的心底了。

她连他的车从她旁边驶过去，她都没有发现。

她曾读过一段话：平静地接受消失与死亡是一种沉静的修行。

很多事情，只能靠幻想安慰自己吧，贪图变成真实，绝对会变成一种灾难。

回到车上，她打开引擎，车子缓缓前行，最后停在步道入口的路边。

她下了车，进入阳光尚未渗入树林的那段步道。

树荫有点深，她快步走着。旁边稠密的杂树林里是没有晨曦与黄昏的，只有白天与黑夜。在阳光不足的浓密树林里，一切都不透明，显得有些阴森而鬼魅，让她一时分不清过去、现在与未来。她的思绪与记忆虚实交错，彼此折叠着。

她越走越快，想快速穿过这段向来最爱的林荫小道。

终于听到水声，她的心稍稍平静下来。经过大气河与炸弹气旋的夹击，泛滥溢出去的溪水特别澄澈，绿树倒影清晰可鉴，像是反过来生长似的。白云在水里缓缓地移动着——折射着相同的景象。

溪水如镜，她停伫下来，发现溪水之上与溪水水下如此相像，虚实难分。

曾经生活过、拥有过的，到底算实，还是算虚呢？

她忽然觉得那段相倚相靠的日子远去了，远到像是上辈子的事情了。

她继续向前行，走到更宽的湍急处，好几棵被风吹倒的树七横八斜地卧在水中，溪底落叶枝枒交缠。

原来大自然有自己的消长，她忽然了悟了。

小径没有终点，走着走着，穿过从前走过的分岔点，继续前行，两边再也没有房舍。

她看到了海，左前方。

她沿着小径向左弯过去，沿着海边步道走，出现了湿地。

海陆交界湿地

她忽然发现，以前一直以为的“海的尽头”是在岸边眺望大海极目最终之处，而现在站在海与陆地的交会之处，才意识到大海与陆地的交界湿地，才是大海的尽头。一大片一大片的沼泽地与小池塘、水道上都可看到各种水鸭子、加拿大雁、鹭鸶、鹈鸪或悠游或栖息其间。振翅高飞的鸟在海阔天空中自由飞翔。水中映着白云，点点水鸟、鹭鸶觅食——原来生命可以如此丰富而缤纷。

海的尽头，原来近在眼前，正是生命的源头！

她一直以为她的悲哀，就像海看不到尽头一样，现在她忽然明白了，她的心底涌上一股热直冲眼角，鼻头酸了起来。

向死而生，就是重生，她忽然懂了⋯⋯

(文中插图由作者提供)

~完~

[ittybittyhuac]

"Kill them with kindness" Wrong. CURSE OF QIN SHI HUANG

的是不我一有大在人了中到资要可以这个你会好为上来就学交也用能如文时没说他看提那问生过下请天们所多麽小想得之还电出工对都机自後子而讯站去心只家知国台很信成章何同道地发法无然但吗当於本现年前真最和新因果定意情点题其事方清科样些吧叁此位理行作经者什谢名日正华话开实再城爱与二动比高面又车力或种像应女教分手打已次长太明己路起相主关凤间呢觉该十外凰友才民系进使她着各少全两回加将感第性球式把被老公龙程论及别给听水重体做校里常东风您湾啦见解等部原月美先管区错音否啊找网乐让通入期选较四场由书它快从欢数表怎至立内合目望认几社告更版度考喜头难光买今身许弟若算记代统处完号接言政玩师字并男计��山张党每且结改非星连哈建放直转报活设变指气研陈试西五希取神化物王战近世受义反单死任跟便空林士台却北队功必声写平影业金档片讨色容央妳向市则员兴利强白价安呵特思叫总办保花议传元求份件持万未究决投哪喔笑猫组独级走支曾标流竹兄阿室卡马共需海口门般线语命观视朋联参格黄钱修失儿住八脑板吃另换即象料录拿专远速基帮形确候装孩备歌界除南器画诉差讲类英案带久乎掉迷量引整似耶奇制边型超识虽怪飞始品运赛费梦故班权破验眼满念造军精务留服六图收舍半读愿李底约雄课答令深票达演早卖棒够黑院假曲火准百谈胜碟术推存治离易往况晚示证段导伤调团七永刚哥甚德杀怕包列概照夜排客绝软商根九切条集千落竟越待忘尽据双供称座值消产红跑嘛园附硬云游展执闻唱育斯某技唉息苦质油救效须介首助职例热毕节害击乱态嗯宝倒注停古输规福亲查复步举鱼断终轻环练印随依趣限响省局续司角简极干篇罗佛克阳武疑送拉习源免志鸟烦足馆仍低广土呀楼坏兵显率圣码众争初误楚责境野预具智压系青贵顺负魔适哇测慢怀懂史配呜味亦医迎舞恋细灌甲帝句属灵评骑宜败左追狂敢春狗际遇族群痛右康佳杨木病戏项抓徵善官护博补石尔营历只按妹里编岁择温守血领寻田养谓居异雨止跳君烂优封拜恶啥浪核聊急状陆激模攻忙良剧牛垒增维静阵抱势严词亚夫签悲密幕毒厂爽缘店吴兰睡致江宿翻香蛮警控赵冷威微坐周宗普登母络午恐套巴杂创旧辑幸剑亮述堂酒丽牌仔脚突搞父俊暴防吉礼素招草周房餐虑充府背典仁漫景绍诸琴忆援尤缺扁骂纯惜授皮松委湖诚麻置靠继判益波姐既射欲刻堆释含承退莫刘昨旁纪赶制尚艺肉律铁奏树���罪笔彩注归弹虎卫刀皆键售块险荣播施铭罗汉赏欣升叶萤载嘿弄钟付寄鬼哦灯呆洋嘻布磁荐检派构妈蓝贴猪策纸暗巧努雷架享宣逢均担启济罢呼划伟岛歉郭训穿详沙督梅顾敌协轮略慧幻脸短鹰冲朝忍游河批混窗乡蛋季散册弃熟奖唯藏婚镜紧猜喝尊乾县伯偏偷秋层颗食淡申冠衣仅帐赞购犯敬勇洲束斗徒嘉柔绩笨拥漂狮诗围乖孤姓吸私避范抗盖祝序晓富译巨秀馀辉插察庆积愈端移宫挥爆港雪硕借帅丢括挂盘偶末厅朱凡惊货灭醒虚瑞拍遗忠志透烈银顶雅诺圆熊替休材挑侠鸡累互掌念米伴辅降豪篮洗健饭怜疯宏困址兮操临骗咧药绿尼蔡玉辛辈敏减彼街聚郎泡恨苏缩枢碰采默婆股童符抽获宇废赢肯砍钢欧届禁苍脱渐仙泪触途财箱厌籍冰涛订哭稳析杰坚桥懒贤丝露森危占茶惯尘布爸阶夏谊瓶哩惨械隐丰旅椰亡汽贝娘寒遭吹暑珍零刊邮村乃予赖摇纳烟伦尾狼浮骨杯隔洪织询振忽索惠峰席喵胡租款扰企刺芳鼠折频冒痴阴哲针伊寂嘴倚霸扬沉悔虫菜距复鼓摩郑庄副页烧弱暂剩豆探耐祖遍萧握愁龟哀发延库隆盟傻眉固秘卷搭昭宁托辩覆吵耳閒拨沈升胖丁妙残违稍媒忧销恩颜船奈映井拼屋乘京藉洞川宪拟寝塞倍户摆桌域劳赚皇逃鸿横牙拖齐农滚障搬奶乌了松戴谱酷棋吓摸额瓜役怨染迫醉锁震床闹佩牠徐尺干潮帽盛孙屁净凯撞迴损伙牵厉惑羊冬桃舰眠伍溪飘泰宋圈竞闪纵崇滑乙俗浅莲紫沟旋摄聪毁庭麦描妨勒仪陪榜板慕耀献审蟹巷谅姊逐踏岸葛卧洽寞邦藤拳阻蝎面殊凭拒池邪航驱裁翔填奥函镇丌宽颇枪遥穹啪阅锋砂恭塔贺魂睛逸旗萨丸厚斋芬革庸舒饮闭励顿仰阁孟昌访绪裕勿州阐抢扫糊宙尝菩赐赤喊盗擎劝奋慈尽污狐罚幽准兼尖彰灰番衡鲜扩毫夸炮拆监栏迟证倾郁汪纷托漏渡姑秒吾窝辆龄跌浩肥兽煞抹酸税陷谷冲杜胸甘胞诞岂辞墙凉碎晶邱逻脆喷玫娃培咱潜祥筑孔柏叭邀犹妻估荒袋径垃傲淑圾旦亿截币羽妇泥欺弦筹舍忌串伸喇耻繁廖逛劲臭鲁壮捕穷拔于丑莉糟炸坡蒙腿坦怒甜韩缓悉扯割艾胎恒玲朵泉汤猛驾幼坪巫弯胆昏鞋怡吐唐悠盾跃侵丹鑑泽薪逝彦后召吕碧晨辨植痴瑰钓轩勤珠浓悟磨剪逼玄暖躲洛症挡敝碍亨逊蜜盼姆赋彬壁缴捷乏戒憾滴桑菲嫌愉爬恼删叹抵棚摘蒋箭夕翁牲迹勉莱洁贪恰曰侨沧咖唷扣采奔泳迹涯夺抄疗署誓盃骚翼屠咪雾涉锺踢谋牺焦涵础绕俱霹坜唬氏彻吝曼寿粉廉炎祸耗炮啡肚贡鼻挖貌捐融筋云稣捡饱铃雳鸣奉燃饰绘黎卷恢瞧茫幅迪柳瑜矛吊侯玛撑薄敦挤墨琪凌侧枫嗨梯梁廷儒咬岚览兔怖稿齿狱爷迈闷乔姿踪宾家弘韵岭咦裤壳孝仇誉妮惧促驶疼凶粗耍糕仲裂吟陀赌爵哉亏锅刷旭晴蝶阔洩顽牧契轰羞拾锦逆堕夹枝瓦舟悦惹疏锐翘哎综纲扇驻屏堪弥贯愚抬喂靖狠饼凝邻擦滋坤蛙灾莎毅卒汝征赠斗抛秦辱涂披允侦欲夥朗笛劫魅钦慰荷挺矣迅禅迁鹿秤彭肩赞丙鹅痕液涨巡烤贱丈趋沿滥措么扭捉碗炉脏叔秘腰漠翅余胶妥谣缸芒陵雯轨虾寸呦洒贞蜂钻厕鹤摔盒虫氛悄霖愧斜尸循俩堡旺恶叉燕津臣丧茂椅缠刑脉杉泊撒递疲杆趁欠盈晃蛇牡慎粒系倦溜遵腐疾鸭璃牢劣患祂呈浑剂妖玻塑飙伏弊扮侬渴歪苗汗陶栋琳蓉埋叡澎并泣腾柯催畅勾樱阮斥搜踩返坛垂唤储贩匆添坑柴邓糖昆暮柜娟腹煮泛稀兹抑携芭框彷罐虹拷萍臂袭叙吻仿贼羯浴体翠灿敲胁侣蚁秩佑谨寡岳赔掩匙曹纽签晋喻绵咏摊馨珊孕杰拘哟羡肤肝袍罩叛御谜嫁庙肠谎潘埔卜占拦煌俄札骤陌澄仓匪宵钮岗荡卸旨粽贸舌历叮咒钥苹祭屈陋雀睹媚娜诱衷菁殿撕蠢惟嚣踊跨膀筒纹乳仗轴撤潭佛桂愤捧袖埃壹赫谦汇魏粹傅寮猴衰辜恳桶吋衫瞬冻猎琼卿戚卓殖泼譬翰刮斌枉梁庞闽宅麟宰梭纠丛雕澳毙颖腔伫躺划寺炼胃昂勋骄卑蚂墓冥妄董淋卢偿姻砸践殷润铜盲扎驳湿凑炒尿穴蟑拓诡谬淫荡鼎斩尧伪饿驰蚊瘟肢挫槽扶兆僧昧螂匹芝奸聘眷熙猩癢帖贫贿扑笼丘颠讶玮尹詗柱袁漆毋辣棍矩佐澡渊痞矮戈勃吞肆抖咳亭淘穗黏冈歧屑拢潇谐遣诊祈霜熬饶闯婉致雁觅讽膜挣斤帆铺凄瑟艇壶苑悬詹诠滤掰稚辰募懿慨哼汁佬纤肃遨渔恕蝴垫昱竿缝蹈鞭仆豫岩辐歹甄斑淹崎骏薰婷宠棵弓犬涂刹郁坎煎螺遮枯台昔瘾蒂坠唔瞎筝唇表吁冤祷甩伞酱范焉娇驼沦碳沾抚溶叠几蜡涌氧弦娱皓奴颓嘎趟揭噹剥垦狭魁坊盐屎郝佩摧栗菊瘦钧匿砖嘘缚嘟盆债霞挽逍畔蕴颈获畏喂脾姬赴囊噪熄锡诀肇璋晕浊伐峡窃枕倘慌垮帕莹琦厢渺脏削锣虐豔薇霉衍腊喧娶遂睁裙韦矢伺钉婴蓄奸廿堵葬蓬鸦尝挨蕾璿挚券厨醇呻霍剃浆葡暨滨履捞咕耕棉烁尉艰妓棺鹏蒸癌纬菌撇惩绑甫崩魄拂汰氓歇萝呒萄蕃曝疋向胏烛腻襄妆髓朴薯颂薛滩橘贰嘲叹枚侮豹巢酬碑翩蚕辽矿屡谴卵撰攀肌冯宴盏阪浦迦颁炼尬胀辟艘株只湘饲爹梨喽侍疫雕黯并铝弗爪鄙钗栽狸谘柄悸喉擅劈秉芷裸锵贾逗寓咚璞烫铅啸炳屿竖惶仕挪栅迄顷窄鸥鲢郊倩兜茧磊抒夷绰溯拙僚芙杖溃凶鸽妒沌祺呐卦聆栖蝇佮唾汇楣匠蛛悼舜耿瞄芋瞒竭茵吼苛浸拯克豆沛掠廊凸搅俺酌倡朦蕉暱焕掏蝉焰狄绳惰芽裹宛御赎燥滔贬悍袂坟颉啤押尴颤钝腥缔粮哑槟簿斧肿纶僵齣辖蹲敷喘扎酿佑肖愈隧嗜檬迳碌襟凋圭寇污哨倪筠桦诈姜旬秃脂噢撼衅庚炫谭惭涩崔贷胡晒琉捏绮膝拭暗醋膨杠鑫瀑喃剖袜逾涅扳惘凳呃掘捍榔窍蜗旷梵暇稻柠抉辗蔚钩卜莺匡蜘祯哔窟亟谛溢黛晦伶逮傍葱刁堤恍匣谍禧轿耸瀚斐忿泓拐驴罕沫绽刃窈渝仄瑛葵噜绣奕窥浏隶蔽仟敛丞诘鳖疤膏锥窕皱晰晖舅孰煽姚钞袱绊焚芦咸沮呕瞪淳丐茹盘菱篠涕衬蚀溉瑄翟怠钰躯肺掷丑奢荫靶纱芸佰峻阱哄肾庄囡阑戳腕菸凹蟾蒐呱巾雏螃盯馈垄毓犀逞姨穆樵阀弥跷搁隙疵憧忏琨阙萱怅辄搏榕饥捣渣眺虞俯绅谤珑咫俏淆蜀楠乞诅匀貂寰迋敞跪囚溺骆憬苇脊瑶疆乍杆眸窜孽卅夭簧徘馒趴鎚啼冗缉絮啄沸萃嘶鸳禽惫徨屐舆邂掀嫖苟檯矫铎棱哗徊拱蕙徬滞吠妞氾芹叩朽侪赦汐丰虔茅棠仑膳魉儡鸯懦渗邵筱畜崖瑕蕊揣擒挂屯莽矽侏弧澈饺奎裘塌饵偎泻蔓彗樽衔茍磋萎廓悯铸茎歼壤浇蚤恃瞻拚汀椒嚼粥磅佫勘脖吨澜锻笙厄嚷伽徽隅寥缤簾烘茜驯噎厦闰煤链锈诫颊俐曳蓓暧郤淌喀昆蔑峙躁菇逅雇殴泌酥缮莓辕骇巍糗扛杏茁琵礁秽岔僻焊嗡诵瞌捌遁赃涡琮卯锯扔苏邹莅隘蹋湛昼岫蛰桩藐汲禄皂濑绒耽粪粤卤曜懋咎痘聂垢瞳闵睿跤鉴躬斟淇莒毯幸骋岱庐殃橄恤叽鳞蒙芥榄楷硫苔麒椎禹喙厘袅亥倌吭诃裔梓蓦岩帜瓣狡惕蒙怯嫩龚嚎豚埠暸唆妃瓢蹄厮讥啃琶愿噱狷搪氢橙咆靡砌筷兑溼呸镀踹冢祟懈术搓攸橡膛俞祉冀炊瓷遐揽鹭茄蜢塘郡韬挟牟糙阎旻赘霆呎炭霄媳瘤猿颺煚铠蝠钜苓傀烬墅璇困愣恬嫉琐嫂淼梳憎搂藻酵屉陡摺箫飨桐蚱曦璧偈蹦昶咙铮嗤戌屌耘裳啾嵘胺笃烹巩厝疚鸶汹蔷沐咽烙畸讳揍曙铐朔涓睬矶岐凄鲫楞鲤荆偕徜饥肮蔼辙恁霈诛鞠茉煜傭嗓酹昙铨艳绷峨揉珈鹃诲臆焰隽熔堇韧扒憨舵肛戊坝抠骷碘鞍冕榨肘羔哺霓巳铲蚵惆驹撷稽羹纺蜕趾吊豁褪癸眨臻慷蝙胧沼舱柚抨葭枷靥硝绚绞缆讪褚砗嫣蒲丫鹦蒹憩懊聋盎婊盔峦矜凛铺鹉蜴惚畴羁媛堑泛疮韶憋祁诟搔蜥袒奄忱玖拌悴祠扼髅筑蛤茱骐捶须亢葔艸筛岳岳慵戮跎砰仑炜篱笈瘫吏痊庶厥棘娑沁窘鲸缕硷俨栈蔬鸠闲迢恣昀泠涟眩噫娥荼鳄镖侃虏俾樟榴咛炬窦笠翱莘躇翡姜枭匕藩徉觞拣吱皈墉傌梢巅踌萌幌杭侥栾奠痲夸瘖芯蟀驿耨禾瑾

“kill them with kindness” Wrong. CURSE OF RA 𓀀 𓀁 𓀂 𓀃 𓀄 𓀅 𓀆 𓀇 𓀈 𓀉 𓀊 𓀋 𓀌 𓀍 𓀎 𓀏 𓀐 𓀑 𓀒 𓀓 𓀔 𓀕 𓀖 𓀗 𓀘 𓀙 𓀚 𓀛 𓀜 𓀝 𓀞 𓀟 𓀠 𓀡 𓀢 𓀣 𓀤 𓀥 𓀦 𓀧 𓀨 𓀩 𓀪 𓀫 𓀬 𓀭 𓀮 𓀯 𓀰 𓀱 𓀲 𓀳 𓀴 𓀵 𓀶 𓀷 𓀸 𓀹 𓀺 𓀻 𓀼 𓀽 𓀾 𓀿 𓁀 𓁁 𓁂 𓁃 𓁄 𓁅 𓁆 𓁇 𓁈 𓁉 𓁊 𓁋 𓁌 𓁍 𓁎 𓁏 𓁐 𓁑 𓀄 𓀅 𓀆

[jianghuchild]

惊鸿一面 A Stunning Meeting - Xu Song ft. Huang Ling | annotated song translation

So... new (old) obsession just dropped. How are Huang Ling and Xu Song so good and this Fox x Scholar thing? What the hell is this MV. I need a million more of it. (Please watch it.)

Anyway, here's my attempt at sharing it with everyone:

[Verse]

[Him]

翻手为云 覆手为雨

I turn my hand for clouds, turn again for rain (idiom: to be changeable, mercurial)

金盆洗手 止风雨

Wash my hands in a gold basin (idiom: to repent from one's old ways), stop the storm

不恋红尘 却难舍回忆

No worldly desires, yet loath to release my memories

每一段都有你

Each scene has you in it

[Her]

年少初遇 常在我心

Our first youthful meeting is often in my heart

多年不减你深情

Many years haven't diminished your deep affection

江山如画又怎能比拟

Rivers and mountains are like a painting (idiom: describes the beauty of the natural world), but how can it compare

你送我的风景

To the scenery you gave me?

[Chorus]

[Her] 柳下闻瑶琴 起舞和一曲

I heard the yaoqin (aka guqin) beneath the willow, rose and danced with it

[Him] 仿佛映当年 翩若惊鸿影

It seemed to reflect that year, that stunning silhouette

[Her] 谁三言两语 撩拨了情意

Who teased my affections with a few words?

[Him] 谁一颦一笑 摇曳了星云

Who swayed the stars with every frown and smile?

[Her] 纸扇藏伏笔 玄机诗文里

Paper fans hide foreshadowing, mysteries in poems and essays

[Him] 紫烟燃心语 留香候人寻

My truest feelings kindle violet smoke, leaving a fragrance that waits for someone to find

(possibly a reference to Li Bai)

[Her] 史书列豪杰 功过有几许

History lists so many heroes, what of their triumphs and losses?

[Him] 我今生何求 惟你

All I ask for in this life, is you

[Verse]

[Him]

年少初遇 常在我心

Our first youthful meeting is often in my heart

多年不减你深情

Many years haven't diminished your deep affection

[Her]

江山如画又怎能比拟

Rivers and mountains are like a painting, but how can it compare

你送我的风景

To the scenery you gave me?

[Chorus]

[Her] 柳下闻瑶琴 起舞和一曲

I heard the yaoqin beneath the willow, rose and danced with it

[Him] 仿佛映当年 翩若惊鸿影

It seemed to reflect that year, that stunning silhouette

[Her] 谁三言两语 撩拨了情意

Who teased my affections with a few words?

[Him] 谁一颦一笑 摇曳了星云

Who swayed the stars with every frown and smile?

[Her] 纸扇藏伏笔 玄机诗文里

Paper fans hide foreshadowing, mysteries in poems and essays

[Him] 紫烟燃心语 留香候人寻

My truest feelings kindle violet smoke, leaving a fragrance that waits for someone to find

[Her] 史书列豪杰 功过有几许

History lists so many heroes, what of their triumphs and losses?

[Him] 我今生何求 惟你

All I ask for in this life, is you

[Bridge]

[Him]

远山传来清晨悠然的曲笛

A leisurely morning flutesong descends from a distant mountain

晓风掠走光阴

The dawn wind steals away time

残月沉霜鬓里

The waning moon sinks into my frost-coloured hair

[Her]

有了你

Now that I have you

恩怨都似飞鸿踏雪泥

My grudges are like great sparrows trampling muddy snow

[Chorus]

[Her] 柳下闻瑶琴 起舞和一曲

I heard the yaoqin beneath the willow, rose and danced with it

[Him] 仿佛映当年 翩若惊鸿影

It seemed to reflect that year, that stunning silhouette

[Her] 谁三言两语 撩拨了情意

Who teased my affections with a few words?

[Him] 谁一颦一笑 摇曳了星云

Who swayed the stars with every frown and smile?

[Her] 纸扇藏伏笔 玄机诗文里

Paper fans hide foreshadowing, mysteries in poems and essays

[Him] 紫烟燃心语 留香候人寻

My truest feelings kindle violet smoke, leaving a fragrance that waits for someone to find

[Her] 史书列豪杰 功过有几许

History lists so many heroes, what of their triumphs and losses?

[Him] 我今生何求 惟你

All I ask for in this life, is you

我今生何求

All I ask for in this life

[Both]

惟你

Is you

[fwoopersongs]

Poetry + Names? :D!!!! Can't resist adding ~

Stacking on to Hunxi's 晓星尘 example

How to search for possible poetry references Another great resource that I love a lot besides gushicimingju and gushiwen (highly recommend the gushiwen app for its clean and user friendly interface if you're interested in reading poetry/exploring classics and keeping track of what you've learnt) is sou-yun.cn, which is particularly useful for searching up names and possible references because there are lots of parameters for advanced searching to chose from - like exact vs approximate match, position, dynasty etc.

Results are returned in their full poems with the text highlighted per the image below this paragraph. With the textual instability of ancient poems and all, you sometimes get alternate words - this site also displays them and their source, as you can see in the first example.

What's even cooler is that, hey, they may recognize me but I sure don't know them! What do these characters mean together? Click into the poem, select the word and you get both the pinyin and examples of usages in other poetry.

(I try to look at this only after doing the legwork for poetry club though, because this is seriously too much of a golden finger and my searching skills may grow rusty LOL)

Gushicimingju is fantastic for the purpose of telling us how many instances does the word show up. Gushiwen actually returns results from texts as well as poetry which is also desirable because name inspo for Chinese characters is not limited to poetry and auspiciousness. If you select the 古籍 tab (indicated with a red dot below) and if the search term actually exists in any of the texts within the site's archive, then it will turn up. In this case for 星尘, there is none.

But besides all these bells and whistles, the difference between these sites is the pool of works available. Gushiwen only returned 5 results with 星尘 across the Song to Qing Dynasties. Sou-yun.cn gave me 9 from Song to Late Qing, and a further 7 from the Republican Era to our times. See below xD

/got sidetracked LOL

Oh, ctext is another of my fav go-tos as well!!!! But we all know that the search function there can be a little bit broken sometimes. So when you suspect that it's not working for you, a workaround is googling like this: "the characters you're looking for" ctext.

But let's say we're looking for something different, so you want to search within the site. And if for some reason, you want to know if a particular usage of a word was more popular in older texts (like Pre-Qin and Han) or later ones (like Wei-Jin and after), then use the search box like this!

星辰 with 'Pre-Qin and Han' selected returns 177 results. 星辰 with 'Post Han' selected returns 385 results.

Another method of researching a name Looking at the words themselves! Sometimes a return to simplicity works just as well (or maybe I just like digging many rabbit holes).

The Chinese baike.baidu (like wikipedia) these days has this cool etymology section 字源解说 at the beginning of the article for most words.

If you've ever wondered how people from the Shang Dynasty wrote the same word (ok it's not as simple as that xD but for the sake of not making this a long ramble let's go with this), there we go.

For 晓

And since this is a surname, don't forget to check out its origins!

For 星

For 尘

What did the words mean originally? How did they extend and drift to other meanings and when were these drifts becoming popular? Does it fit in with what you know of the character?

Does the conclusion you're drawing about the meaning of their name feel a bit forced, or does it make perfect sense and you're happy to make this your headcanon / share it as a possible fun fact?

Happy searching!

so I know that a lot of chinese names are references to specific poems. Is there a way to determine this (vs general auspicious meaning) and which poem specifically? I'd love to be able to figure this out for character names and I haven't been able to find any resources (in case it's helpful, I'd say I'm my understanding is maybe HSK4-level so I can clumsily make my way through the chinese internet with the help of a dictionary)

feel free to make this public so that others can benefit if you have any suggestions

oof... unfortunately I suspect that this, along with one's repertoire of chengyu, is something that one simply Just Learns with reading more. my personal repertoire of poetry is embarrassingly thin, so the horrible horrible process I've been going through is, well, throwing the name into a search bar and hoping for the best.

here's an example of how I (think I) went about doing this for Xiao Xingchen's name, way back when I wrote this post:

I went ahead and dropped "星尘 诗词" ("Xingchen poetry") into the search bar, which turned up this:

Generally speaking, I'll only put the name (minus the surname) because putting the character's full name into a search bar will probably turn up the character themselves, and if someone's name is being derived from a poem, it's usually independent of the surname anyway.

Xiao Xingchen's name is an interesting example because it doesn't quite come from a poem, but it doesn't not come from a poem. you can see that the search engine has automatically assumed that I am looking for poems about constellations, as "星辰" and "星尘" are homonyms, and one of these is more commonly seen. I usually consider that a solid indication that "星尘" (the name) is a novel formation of characters in a name, and not likely a poetic reference.

but! in for a penny, etc. I'm a huge fan of the first search result, gushicimingju, since it's a solid database of poetry and some prose. clicking into that listing informs me that gushicimingju is turning up. oh my. 119 possible matches:

note that these are matches for "星辰" (constellation), not actually our character's name. still! you can click in and peruse the selection if you'd like.

now that you're on gushicimingju's site, you can also use the search function within the site to search for more exact matches, without worrying that you'll accidentally activate the fandom itself.

looks like there's a few matches for "晓星," but nothing for the full name.

so! gushicimingju is a solid database I like to refer to most of the time. if for some reason I'm feeling particularly academically rigorous, I might also do some searches on ctext as sometimes names will come out of famous turns of phrases (a la Zhao Yun 赵云 / Zhao Zilong 赵子龙 from that post I linked earlier) rather than poems. searching the dictionary sometimes (Pleco, or zdic) doesn't hurt either. basically, I throw spaghetti at the search engine wall to see what results come back for these characters in this particular order to try and get the original referent (if any) to show up; I'll probably give up after a few permutations of search terms if nothing is actively jumping out at me

but back to the search results: sometimes, if your character is famous enough, straight up searching for "what poem is this character's name from?" will help you find like-minded people on baidu zhidao (basically yahoo answers):

although of course, take baidu zhidao result with all of the salt you would take with any yahoo answers (look for alternate sources to validate, good for a laugh most of the time)

best of luck!