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🏈❤️💙✨ a very small video (with delightful editing!) of Daniel at last Sunday's game | x
#daniel ricciardo#autumn posts#I am almost positive I saw this posted but I cannot find it again!!#I'm sorry for the double post!!#I did want this on the old blog since his 'whoo!' is so cute 💞#okay back to work here!!#hope everyone is well ❤️#sending good energy its a stressful day with the US elections#v thankful I early voted!! going to be with my friends irl this eve to calm the nerves 😵💫#always good to support each other and I have hope!!#sending everyone lots of support and reassuring vibes#❤️❤️❤️#ahh I gotta run brb!!!!
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i miss stardust cookie so much AUUUGHHH
#cookie run#cookie run kingdom#stardust cookie#crk stardust cookie#clai's art#a friend has been talking a lot about him with me and i am so upset about him all over again orz#i dont think i'll ever seriously go back to playing cookie run again but ohhh i miss it. stardust my best friend stardust#i stopped playing ehh. two years ago? havent stopped thinking about him since then though he is so dear to me
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Louis does see Armand for all his flaws, and yet still chooses him, and loves him, but when he sees them for what they really were, and really entailed, he no longer can. Oh, gradations of evil. Louis had in ways bought into it.
#contriversial?#Like you can't deny Louis knew Armand to be a liar manipulator a disciplinarian betrayer and a threat among other things#He knows him and Claudia are at odds with each other#You might ask why then would he not turn the other way and run? And well cause Louis is tired of looking and feeling weak and Armand#where he isn't flawed offered him all this power as flimsy and dangerously able to be undermined as it may be#and he offers a place for him to have a connection he fears he would otherwise never have again in his everlasting existence#Suppose then Armand is the lesser of two evils#I feel too that since Louis views himself as deeply flawed and deeply capable of the same things that they are both#beings of evil as they are vampires and so on#to go about judging it so strongly that you deny any sort of connection you could have in another would really be to deny himself of#all he wants and needs and desires which gets at a point of him of his inner felt weaknesses of denying himself and being subjugated#away from being able to obtain such things without opposition or other forces#Armand is flawed in that he is a force but Louis sees to the potential of him being genuine in his devotions to him as#capable of quelling this entirely. To have Armand be 'his' is to finally control what has long been out of his control.#It's... more complicated than this surely but surface level Louis does choose armand and loves him but#it's always layered with an amount of false pretense and illusions of deeper trust#If you're whole vampire community is assholes who would either want to die or kill you you might as well choose the one who won't do either#at least by all impressions#and who you find very attractive physically and intellectually and who finds you attractive too and who happens to be good in bed#and into the same sex things you're into and curious about#Who you contentiously just get and who gets you back even if you would never really see eye to eye because you know a specific kind of pain#still knowing you relate to them somehow even if you can't see to their perspective#I am rambling now but this ship gets me ....#Feel similarly about why Louis would apologize to lestat - he feels put down to not own up to his part in all of it and he feels more in#control over his situation and his sense of self to simply admit this than to pretend like he was an absent player#He doesn't agree now with how he acted back then and in a way this is his way of admitting to he can move past that he is that person still#which he isn't in any sense still that person#Do I ... fully agreeeeee??? no. Do I get it? yeeah.#It's an autonomy thing really like I'm also not going to say he can't if it genuinely doesn't harm him to I guess.#Not like he's fully forgiving and forgetting here either he's just owning some shared responsibility esp. on part of Claudia
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Rich and arrogant and combative and blasphemous, Jillian Salvius would surely live in a den of iniquity where her girls would be tempted enough to abandon their mission — so Mother Superion thought.
But Jillian Salvius' table, however generous, was not one set for waste: gracious as a host, meals at her house were varied but not excessive, alcohol present but not overindulged in; if more kindly, her conduct was as correct as that of any strict Christian such as Superion herself.
And, through daily contact, sharing in that their deadly conflict, Mother Superion found that she could admire her — charmed.
#doctor superion#warrior nun#mother superion#jillian salvius#i wasn't sure i'd be able to post this here tbh. tumblr on mobile is my personal hell#but here it is. enjoy. the next couple of drabbles are all sin-themed so that's fun#please join me in hoping my computer will be back and running by the time i post the next drabble lol#because i am going crazy. i hate hate hate phones. how does anyone enjoy this torture??#and since i'm unlikely to pop up again here so soon as long as the pc is out...#have an update: the vtm doctor superion au is now at page 101. but that's equal to only about HALF the original lol#so there is progress. just don't hold your breath because this fic will take a gooood while still#i'm excited though 👀#warrior nun drabble#narratives and similar
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girl i had huge crush on in school who was a very good friend to me she's so smart and wonderful and kind just told me she's proud of me for inquiring about a breast reduction i literally started crying what the absolute fuck I'm so gay and so deprived of love in my daily life what the fuck kck .?? HELLO??
#yknow when your whole body freezes bc youre struck with the realization people SEE you and CARE about you#my fightflightFREEZE kicked in so hard all i could do was cry and pretend to act chill texting back sowkwowkwl#at one point i thought abt going through gender affirming means for a reduction (vs plastic surgery) but THATS ILLEGAL NOW <33333#😃😃😃😃😃😃😃#THIS IS WHERE I VENT NOW OK PLEASE BLOCK THE NOT TS TAG LMFAO#not ts#me @ myself: girl this is not the time or place#also me: IAOAKQKW 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🫨🫨🫨😭😭😭‼️‼️😭😭🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🫨🫨⁉️⁉️#like I'm proud of myself too :)#i wish I'd done it sooner like everyone told me to. like this has been a reality for me since i was 12 or 13#when ppl talk about me they always mention my boobs. family friends teachers peers#at a funeral for a loved one when im 13 and an elderly relative brings up breast reduction surgery#but i was so scared (i have a surgery phobia and also extreme control issues when it comes to my body/safety) that i put it off#and now i am forced to be stagnant or else i cripple myself. which is a life i dont want to live#i dont want to lie in the floor unable to move bc my sciatic nerve is crushed btwn vertebrae.#crying hysterically bc i think ive paralyzed myself and there's no one to help me#being unable to dance or play volleyball or lift weights again.#i want to run :( for the first time since i was 8 i want to be able to run..#and that's just medical stuff. chronic pain stuff#that's not delving into gender identity or how this has destroyed my mental health in 7 billion ways since puberty#turning 25 this is the 1st time i feel like an adult and a Person. & i realize i need to accommodate myself & my own happiness#if i want to enjoy the life i have.#like i cant keep procrastinating my life#for a long time i've been like “my life just feels like procrastinating suicide” & that's very true. & i dont want to live that way anymore.#it's time i do things for myself. because i'm the only one who can. i can't live for other ppl anymore. it's destroying me.#this went off the rails sorry#i just wanted to make a quirky post abt the gay experience but it's much deeper than that and#i wont un-deep my thoughts and feelings for an internet post :) i am real & messy & multifaceted and#i seek for others to See me :)
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I love how the fandom has collectively decided that Florian is just an obsessive person when it comes to ships
#after a two month break I am back to obsessing over idv again#dont know for how long since my genshin hyperfixation is still running strong#i am in love with florian#we're little pyromaniacs#florian brand#identity v#idv#florimatt#i think they're neat
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seriously can catastrophes stop happening for five minutes my brain is already fried from the ones we're already experiencing
#I fucking. missed d&d tonight by accident#I straight up forgot#and just didn't show up to the session#my sleep schedule is absolutely fucked#I should be sleeping now but brain won't shut up#my creative output is the lowest it's ever been and I've been in some level of depressive funk since like early january#I am just deeply unfathomably exhausted#like mentally and spiritually#all the time#my memory and sense of time are both shit#my spelling is worse than it used to be for some reason??#I really don't know what to do to make my brain start functioning again it's frankly worrying me#I couldn't even handle college so it should come as no surprise that I'm reacting poorly to the world being a perpetual screaming trash fir#and yet#idk it's been hitting again lately that I have never succeeded at anything in my life and just keep tripping and falling up for some reason#fucking everyone is in hell right now and with my overall success rate I should be dead in a ditch but I'm actually doing spectacularly#due to a series of improbable accidents and weird circumstances that happened to turn out in my favor instead of completely fucking me#aside from the looming spectre of my various failed attempts to have some kind of life trajectory#it just doesn't feel like this can keep up forever#like surely at some point the luck has got to run out I can't just keep living like some kind of folkloric trickster archetype#but my motivation and sense of purpose kind of died after the last failed attempt so I'm still just here#doing whatever this is#maybe I should drive out to the coast#maybe staring at the ocean would fix me I've been away from it for too long#I mean it can't make me worse#I should wait until further into summer though so I don't have to drive back in the dark#everyone around here has trucks with those goddamn LED headlights and I've got a little sedan that's directly in their blast zone
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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN
#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago#and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since#someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line#that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation#where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had#thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was#super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh#that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated#as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying#to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit#because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha#could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to#believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in#the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of#development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school#and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility#and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai#anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin#or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post#addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad#writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into#doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao
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Okay I haven't talked about Judas OR the Judas album in a while so I'm going to share this analysis I finally placed and I'm losing my mind about
In the song Field of Blood (song 5,) the chorus ends with a line I've never quite been able to find a suitable conclusion about. Right. (Putting my rambling under a read more, the screenshots make this long)
Oh, okay, "what is my god," he's having a crisis of faith. Why is God so cruel as to order Jesus be killed (reminder that the album is a mix of biblical and Gnostic canon, where Jesus asked Judas to be the one to betray him.)
WRONG
If we move two tracks ahead in the album to Death is Just a Kiss Away, right before the last chorus we have these lines:
Which is insane! Because this part is actually saying "you have two gods, God and Jesus" (sun and moon, as I'll get to) "and no matter which you choose" (obeying the kill command or refusing to kill Jesus) "you're going to piss everyone off"! Okay now I know, "but where did you get sun and moon/God and Jesus" and HERE I TELL YOU:
Jesus is CONSTANTLY referred to with constellation imagery! (There's a whole song about it!) The Gospel of Judas includes the quotes (from Jesus) "Judas, your star has led you astray" and "the star that leads the way is your star." The album takes this and RUNS with it. Makes Jesus Judas's guiding star. There is SO MUCH night/star symbolism going on here, mostly in Constellation, but also from A World Where we Belong:
SO BASICALLY: considering that Jesus is heavily referred to with night sky imagery and they're literally both referred to as "two moons aligned," it isn't unreasonable to conclude that the line from Just a Kiss Away is in fact talking about God/Jesus. WHICH MEANS
When Judas is about to hang himself and he pleadingly asks "what is my god?"
HE DOESN'T KNOW IF IT'S GOD OR JESUS BECAUSE HE'S FUCKING IN LOVE WITH HIM APNDOANSOANS HE OBEYED GOD BECAUSE HE'S GOD BUT HE'S KILLING HIMSELF OVER JESUS. I HAVE MANY OTHER LINES ABOUT THIS (DEVOTION TO JESUS, NOT GOD) BUT THAT'S A DIFFERENT TOPIC
#AGGGGGHHHHHHH#yeah hey long time no judas#in case you guys thought i was over it#i am not fucking tagging this anything searchable no one needs to go in the judas iscariot tag and see me being insane#however much the english major roomie says im doing insane level analysis#i think im just insane actually#like. im CORRECT. but im still insane#also @ the 'what is my god' like. cruelty pondering#i would have accepted that as a face answer IF there wasnt biblical canon mixed in#since heaven and hell are mentioned this is very much not referring to the gnostic figure#nebro/yaldabaoth or saklas#the gnostic and terrible little shits ruling over earth#okay now that this is back from rhode island (the void)#@ the last attached image from a world but also ig the whole post#reminder that judas kills himself after betraying jesus (the whole point of field of blood)#and that its so incredibly interesting that presumably as hes dying judas is asking to be brought to jesus (the stars)#instead of heaven which is honestly also its own thing considering the prior acknowledgement of heaven and hell#because the stars is both jesus and the divine realm (not heaven)#i think im gonna run out of tags i need to stop#im not rereading this again OR adding insane rambling tags again i am hitting post#woe. be subjected to my post boy#okay people have Found this post so clarification this is about the lord of the lost judas album#if anyone else finds this thing i specifically did not tag
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I have new neighbors and today they were out in their yard (the youngest kid saw a cool bug) and their little dog was offleash so I got to meet neighbor dog! Neighbor dog is my new favorite
#the person behind the yarn#neighbor dog is small and has curly fur and tiny little corgi-esque legs#and her tail is so fluffy it drags on the ground when it's down#but she mostly walks around with her tail up and waving like a flag#absolutely adorable! I sat on the ground to greet her (to be less intimidating)#and once I passed the sniff check and she'd greeted my dad and brother too#she came back to me and flopped against my legs for more pets#I am delighted to meet her and hope I will see her again in the near future#and since she's an offleash dog and my yard is not really fenced between my house and my neighbor's#I'm sure I will lol#I do not understand offleash dogs? like. fundamentally don't get it#but also none of my childhood dogs were recall trained#and my main two dogs in childhood were A. a runner. wanted to run more than anything. if the door was open he'd run and run and run#not to get away he just really liked running#and B. my dear Wolfie who had the common sense of a block of concrete#we could not let that dog offleash because he would get lost inside the house#he got stuck up a tree once (only like a foot off the ground)#he was the size of a sort of large rabbit (another reason not to be offleash)#so he was offleash in our fenced in yard but only supervised#either by a human or by our other dog (who was both smart and scary enough to scare away other animals)#okay I guess I had three childhood dogs? I think we got Lilly when I was an adult though#Lilly could not be an offleash dog because she had an EXTREMELY high prey drive. she was a hunting dog#she was also Wolfie's bodyguard
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update hi, despite everything it's vess again but don't ask about his hair (can't be bothered to detail it what else is new !!)
#moss draws.#vesper.#i've been trying to start up writing again#the last few days mostly#bc my steroid run is almost finished and i am tired and in pain but free#i feel human again and i want to get back to my hobbies so bad#points to vess#like this drawing#i've only done a couple doodles since the end of october#i went from 1 drawing per day to like 2 months without anything#and i am desperate
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Body update: it turns out that after about a year (ish) of trying to eat more healthily and avoiding fast food, my body cannot handle some of the meals I used to enjoy anymore
I had a burger last week at DND and was sick, and I thought it was bc the burger particularly greasy, but then when I ordered from my usual place today (less horrendously greasy but still, you know, a fast food burger) I actually kinda stopped enjoying it three bites in and had to put in some effort to finish it x)
Oh well
#Matt has a life#Shit from home#In other news: couldn't do 2x20mn of walking yesterday cause I had to drive to the post office#and driving a motobike is demanding on the knees#but I did one turn today and everything seems fine#gonna do another set later and see how it goes#and if we can keep that up until next week I'll try and see if we can up it to 1x30mn and 1x20mn#The goal being to be able to walk for at least 40mn at a time before I try going to the gym again#at which point I'll use the running machines to try and walk on a gradually increasing incline#... at this point it might actually be a good idea to see a physio#but I don't like the one I visited before -_-#Edit: other posotive effect of better food and regular exercise: I lost about 4kg since dec. 2022 and am now back around 95#which is much more comfortable for me than where I was before#would I complain about going down to 90kg? no#but I'm 34 and planning on having a baby soon so that doesn't sound likely#especially bc like#diets are a myth#and if my body's ideal weight were 100kg that's where I'd be regardless of diet#so we'll see how that goes#I'm fine with where I'm at rn
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feeling to urge to replay dragon age...
#I said it on my last dragon age post and I'll say it again#I'm deeply cynical about bioware and veilguard and all of it#but... I am a dragon age ho through and through#it's been my game since I first became obsessed with origins. it just is.#I actually didn't finish my last da runthrough though#so I might go back to that#which was finally doing a complete daewen run (including trespasser)#hmmmmm#shut up jessica
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back in high school everyone thought i was gay because of my homoerotically charged best female friendship. and they were right
#like 50%. in hindsight#yeah we did go through a traumatic friend breakup why do you ask#ever since i sorta kinda came out i dream that we run into each other again like once a week holy shit! get help!#which is why i am posting about this. it's that time of the week#how do i exorcise these demons!!!!!#in a way that doesn't involve getting back in touch with her. or anyone from high school#and preferably doable at nearly six am in the tags of my tumblr post???????
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“Damian isn’t ooc what are you talking aboutttt he’s only 14 and wants to trust his dad so badlyyyy guyssss don’t get upsettt” have you never read a comic with Damian in it in your life
#I FUCKING HATE TJISHDJDHF#WHAT IS GOING ON AM I INSANE???? AM I LOSING IT???#Damian trusting his dad despite BRUCE acting so out of character EVEN IF ITS TO PRAISE DAMIAN AND MAKE HIM FEEL SPECIAL#HAS HAPPENED BEFORE#AND HE HAS SPOTTED THAT SHIT AS STRANGE A MILE AWAY#AND HE WAS LIKE. 12. AT FOURTEEN WE’VE ESTABLISHED DAMIAN AS MORE OBSERVANT AND PREPARED FOR THIS#it can either be taken as retrofitting him into ‘normal’ developmental periods which again. we’ve established Damian has as the antithesis#or as a way to put down his character in the robin mantle in order to make Tim’s run look smart and perfect in comparison. which is gross.#Tim has been Robin and even moved past it and became even better and now we’re what? missing the good ol days?#Tim became Robin in 1989. NINETEEN EIGHTY NINE GUYS#THATS 35 YEARS AGO#I KNOW ITS NOSTALGIC FOR YOU BUT YOU HAD A LOT OF STUFF WITH HIM IN IT AND HES JUST A SMART LITTLE WHITE BOY#Damian became Robin in 2009 and we’ve barely tapped into his psychology because comics is so hot buttoned right now#that they don’t know which aspect to deal with first and foremost and always choose Bruce’s relationship as an easy out#Damian was Robin for barely 15 years and yet the guy that got DOUBLE his time is back for round 3. ok.#and here we are again.#Damian has proven himself to be so capable and smart his only downfall is his own hubris and inexperience#he has been trained SINCE BIRTH to use his head guys. a few years in America didnt take that out of him.#anyway. plz pick up a comic. damian would know better cause he’s not an average 14 y/o and he’s not just a traumatized little boy.#‘ohhhh he craves his dads attention and praise so much he’d believe anything he saiiiddd’ WHO TOLD YOU THAT??? ZDARSKY??#WHAT WAS ALL OF HIS YEAR OF PENANCE ON THAT ISLAND FOR#WHAT WAS HIS ARC WITH DISTANCING HIMSELF FROM HIS FATHER A BIT IN THE WAKE OF NEEDING SOME TIME TO HIS OWN REVELATIONS#WHAT ABOUT IT. DID IT JUST NOT HAPPEN SUDDENLY#whatever.
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VUXisms (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#Or if you prefer my very Normal Collection of ZEX stimming lol#I'm not choosing to read alien behaviours through a neurodivergent lense you can't prove anything#Okay you got me yes I am lol - in conjunction with my ADHD Max HC (which I am only more convinced of lol) I went into this with#Really any kind of self-soothing behaviour fascinates me :D And ZEX definitely needs the soothing ;;#But it's not just the stimming! Though I did keep pretty diligent notes about that lol he's deeply interesting to me!#He's a texture person! Part of that is due to being VUX and having very processed food but if it fits it fits!#I'm also a texture person - again I have too many notes relating to ZEX lol#I also find it charming (or sad - whichever is applicable at the time!) when ZEX eats in ''odd'' ways haha ♪#Eating without utensils - you can always just wash your hands you do you <3#The weighted blanket lol so - I had a very normal and measured reaction to ZEX enjoying full-body pressure lol#Solely and purely intellectual! Of course! VUX enjoy swimming! Full-body pressure makes complete sense!#And he's a tactile person on top of that - pressure good for multiple reasons! I really do think he'd sleep better with a weighted blanket ♪#Back to stimming! I really loved the scene of him opening the water bottle and his therapist being So Impatient with him about it lol#Let him figure it out! He's very intelligent! Very skilled at finding weak points and exploiting them hehe <3#But then he runs his finger on the lip of the bottle! Wine-glassing it while he talks hehe <3 I love him#Humming!! Another stim I relate to! Not so much now since it was ''encouraged'' out of me so I may be doubly biased towards him using it hee#Too delighted to focus on utensil lessons and yet he's still clever enough to pay attention to multiple things at once hehehe ♫#And then aside from his actual biggest stim he plays with his hair quite a lot - in various ways and to different ends :D#Running his hands through it to self-soothe or tugging on it to express - I kinda read it as him trying to move his head feelers around haha#Not quite the same but something!#Oh and then his biggest stim - just looking at humans lol it is very dopamine-delivering <3 And he has dopamine now! Very powerful :3c#Hhhhh human chemistry for VUX behaviours <3 It's so interesting to me hehe ♪
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