#(mostly buck)

[thegroovyskull]

RAGHDHZK

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

Madney 🤝 Buddie

[rachelazegler]

[alchemistc]

He likes occupying the same space as Tommy. It's - every time he looks across a room and sees him he just wants all the space between them to disappear. And - okay - yeah - Tommy has, like occupied space inside of Buck so there's - there's a little Pavlovian tic somewhere in the goo Tommy's smile can turn his brain into but also -

He likes the way it feels when they're side by side - naked or clothed - and Tommy arches his shoulder to smack it into Buck's. He likes the way his eyes dart, when they're breathing the same air and he's thinking about kissing Buck - which is a look he relishes now as much for the knowledge that he's about to be kissed as for the knowledge that he'd seen this look a half dozen times before they ever got to the kissing part. He likes the way Tommy occupies Buck's space - never overbearing but always close, close, close like if Buck asked they'd melt pieces of themselves and stick them together before everything cooled back down. He likes the way they can't quite hold hands without their arms brushing, and the way Tommy ducks his head when Buck exaggerates a flirty head tilt.

He likes a lot of things about Tommy.

He likes the way he grudgingly enters a gay bar because it's not really his scene and ends the night with a drag queens feather boa wrapped around his neck while he sings the Gaga parts of Shallow even if he gets a little pitchy.

He likes the way Tommy boops his nose, out of the blue while he's listening to Buck explain something that has no bearing on either one of them or the thing they're working towards together - still listening with rapt attention but also a little devastatingly charmed by Buck's rambles, of all things.

He likes the way his nose scrunches up when he laughs, soft and genuine, the way when he's really feeling it the ears draw back too.

He likes the way he sounds, that first time (and every time after) Buck found his prostate and he whined like a fucking siren.

He likes the way his face softens even when he's tired, worn around the edges as Buck flings a sock into his laundry basket and tucks his head up under Tommy's chin.

He hates the way Tommy shuts down every time Buck tries to bring up the future.

And it's not like - it's not like Buck isn't aware they'd sort of speed run some milestones. House keys swapped with the sort of flippancy you'd expect out of two guys whose schedules rarely lined up. A drawer in Bucks's loft for the clothes Tommy always left behind, because for some reason he liked to fling them over the balcony instead of stuff them back in his overnight bag. A toothbrush at Tommy's a month and a half in, which wouldn't be all that strange except for he'd gone out of his way to buy the same electric one Buck had in his bathroom vanity. The pin to each others phones, swapped and repeated until it was muscle memory and three weeks ago Buck had grabbed the wrong phone but he'd seen the lock screen of the two of them from their hike in Fern Dell and he'd punched the code in like it was rote before he'd even been fully awake.

Tommy'd hit a wall, though, the first time Buck brought up his lease. And it wasn't - Buck isn't always the best about understanding the shit going on in his own head, but he actually hadn't been going any particular direction there, it'd just been something to fill the lull that had popped in his head and -

Of course, when Tommy froze the fuck up Buck decided to poke at it like a particularly nasty yellowing bruise.

Kids - not his own, just the nebulous idea of them. (Tommy shifted to a conversation about cars so smoothly it'd taken Buck half an hour to notice.)

Marriage - not his own thoughts about it, just that Bobby and Athena had an anniversary coming up and man didn't it suck that Maddie and Chim never got the wedding they wanted and he'd gone to one once in Montana and it'd been in a barn and they'd had candles in Mason jars for their centerpieces before that was the thing to do. (Tommy booped his nose and scrunched his face and held out a ladle of tomato sauce for Buck to try and - son of a bitch he'd known it needed more acid and that Buck would get distracted with recipe talk.)

Homes - the idea of them. Tommy's century old ranch style rental and how it fit him, Bobby and Athena's hunt for a new home, how quiet Eddie's always felt without Chris there, and Tommy had spent an hour listing off all the things he'd fixed up for his landlady and the rent she'd been stubbornly stuffing back through his mail slot every time she found out exactly how much the labor alone for a full copper repipe cost.

So it's.

He's just.

He hates that he's about to do this, here, with his ankle hooked by Tommy's toes under the table at Micelli's when they're supposed to be enjoying six months but he's been on edge for weeks now and he's - God he wants this to work but if Tommy doesn't want to talk future then are they just gonna spend their whole lives stumbling into the next milestone? He doesn't want -

"I had something I wanted to ask -," Tommy starts, right as Buck opens his big mouth and blurts, "I want kids and that's kind of a deal breaker for me."

Tommy blinks.

Buck blinks back.

Not much better than Hot Chicks, as far as Buck is concerned. But Tommy's mouth quirks at the corners, and he jiggles his toes against the back of Buck's ankle, and -

Tommy blows out a breath. "Oh thank God."

"What?"

So he's -

Buck's confused.

"You've been fishing for months now and I thought you were..." Tommy grimaces. When he leans forward to reach for Buck's hand, his arms are tense and his fingers are clumsy. "I thought we'd gone too fast and you were throwing us in reverse and stepping on the gas."

"What," Buck says again, and rewinds.

Kids: where he'd tried to drop the bomb that there was one out in the world who already had half his genetic code and then blazed along to talk about how Chris was his favorite person in the world and Maddie had struggled with Jee and the whole foster debacle made him terrified of all the stress involved in state sanctioned parenthood.

Marriage: where he'd made some dumb joke about how many marriages ended in divorce and then reminded Tommy how much he hated the fact that weddings cost like a third of a years salary, and then told a horrendous anecdote about the way Eddie had asked Buck to come by one night after Shannon only to find him keyed up out back, with the fire pit going and Shannon's things still tucked into their plastic bag on a stool right next to it.

Home: where he'd told Tommy the house in Hershey was like a prison and he'd never felt more himself than wandering the continent trying to find himself and how the loft was suffocatingly open and of the two places where he always felt welcome, one had burned down and the other had been missing an occupant for so long it had felt sad and oppressive.

Foot in mouth Buckley.

"I brought up my lease and you looked like you were trying to figure out if you could hurdle three tables in one leap to get to the door."

Tommy groans. It's. Buck wants to be annoyed by it but he's charmed as ever.

"That - I did do that."

"So. I'm just. Tommy, I..." Because he's given himself time to think about it, since then, and he really doesn't want to re-up his lease but he's also not sure where to go from here.

"It wasn't what you're thinking, though," Tommy says, and there's a wry tilt to his grin. "Irene wants to sell me the house," he continues, and - there's got to be a point, here.

"Okay."

He likes that house. The lived in feel, the easy walk to a little public market where Buck can always find something healthy and Tommy can always come home with a growler of some new craft beer, the avocado tree in the yard and the renovations Tommy has spent half a decade on.

"When you brought it up I'd just spent two weeks trying to convince myself it was too early to ask you if you wanted to sign up for a mortgage with me."

Six months. A redo of their first embarrassing date. The wine, instead of pitchers of beer. I had something I wanted to ask -

"I want to be married, someday," Buck says, and Tommy's thumb skitters over his wrist. "And - the kid thing. That's still a deal breaker."

Tommy nods. Maybe not a surprise, but - still. That feels important.

"I still don't understand equity," Buck says, and Tommy. Tommy laughs.

"I can teach you," he says, and Buck swallows. He wants to call the waitress over, ask for too many canolli because Tommy's sweet tooth is a tyrant and Buck is still mystified by how he manages to always be so trim despite the amount of sugar he consumes.

Buck narrows his eyes. "How long a mortgage?"

He has a settlement from the city that's just been sitting around, mocking Buck for years. It'd make a good dent even with LA real estate. Tommy smiles. "Oh, 30 years, for sure, but we could refinance at least a few times."

"That's - a long time."

"Housing bubble might pop soon, and then we'd just be stuck in it."

"It's good we both have dependable government jobs."

Tommy's eyes crinkle, but his face gets serious after a moment. "Evan."

"Ask me."

Maddie's gonna fucking flip, Buck thinks. Eddie is definitely gonna give him a side eye. Bobby - Bobby will get it, probably.

Tommy hums. "You wanna share the tiramisu?" His grin is just this side of teasing, and Buck knocks a knee into his in retaliation. His eyes go soft and warm. "You wanna buy a house with me, Buckley?"

[warpedpuppeteer]

It's interesting how Buck's love interests are all written in a way that ends because of the reason they meet/happen in the first place and then of course, we have Eddie.

Abby, who changes Buck's view of a healthy relationship but then turns around and ghosts him, making him wait for months on end and letting him realize she's not coming back on his own.

Ali, who meets Buck during a dangerous situation in his line of work and then leaves him for how dangerous his work is.

Taylor, who lashes out at Buck for using her as a fake date and saying she thought she could trust Buck to be a friend who then ends up using him for her career and chose to put his friends in danger.

Natalia, who's there to help him embrace and deal with his temporary death but it leads to their break up because of the constant talk surrounding death when Buck's not comfortable with it.

We can't confirm for Tommy till it ends but it's important to note how he offers to get Buck into his interests like flying and muay thai yet doesn't show effort with Buck's interests like dressing up according to the bachelor party theme despite Buck being stressed about it. And we also have the fact that the entire reason they got together was due to Buck's jealousy for Eddie which he then claims to be was for Tommy. Makes me think they are either going to end because of differing interests OR because of the jealousy issue popping up again.

Funnily enough, every scene above has an Eddie parallel:

Eddie co-parents with Buck and not only does this not stop after a dangerous event but Eddie also has Buck down as a legal guardian (healthy relationship - Abby).

Eddie is in the same dangerous line of work and they have each other's backs. This happens right off the bat too.(dangerous job - Ali).

The Lawsuit era and The Dispatch era - both where they "betray" each other but manage to work through it (betrayal/lie - Taylor).

Eddie doesn't pressure Buck to talk about his temporary death until Buck's ready and is more focused about him living than in his death (death doula - Natalia).

Eddie who has different interests than Buck (poker, basketball and UFC/MMA) but also manages to show interest and actively takes part in whatever Buck comes up with; he suggests their outfit for the themed party AND ends up staying there for Buck even when others leave (different hobbies & showing interest/taking part - Tommy).

Absolutely fascinating when you start noticing that Buck's relationships keep failing for one reason or another and then we have him and Eddie who face the same sort of situations but they still come out of it stronger together.

It's clear that there's a reason Buck is able to overcome anything when it comes to Eddie (that conversation with Maddie about being there for each other even at their worst 👀) and we've already established that everything Eddie looks for in a partner is already something he has found in Buck. So really, all that's left is for them to realize that hey, the one I'm looking for is right in front of me! 🤷🏽

And yes, it's been said to death (hah) but you don't find it son you make it. And Buck and Eddie have already made it.

[jakeperalta]

a rushed "anyway here's what everyone did afterwards" montage is reasonable when it might be over and you're just trying to cram in a final scene for everyone. (like the s6 finale wasn't necessarily the dream but they were about to get cancelled and tried to do some semblance of a positive ending.) but when you've already got the next season in the bag that's your chance to go big with your ending. specifically chimney's monologue as a rousing final moment that seems like the end screen goes black then cut to a 911 call with bobby's voice saying "my name is bobby nash and I am being held in a government facility I think they're trying to fake my death". the end. everyone cheered the character arcs have space to grow still and we all get alobby to look forward to next season <3

[your-unfriendlyghost]

can I interest y’all in some low-effort stevepop in these tryin times?

[try-set-me-on-fire]

Thinking…

[cambridge-nps]

I wrote a silly little thing about Tommy hiding the fact he wears glasses from Buck. Unfortunately, since i'm incapable of writing sexy times this is gonna have to stay g :(

Here's a small snippet:

“Be honest with me,” Buck said, arms crossed, “do you think Tommy is seeing someone else?”

Ravi choked. “What?”

“I’m serious. He keeps sneaking off with his phone.”

Ravi wiped his mouth and gave Buck a look. “Buck. Buddy. That man has stolen two helicopters for you.”

Buck waved it off. “Light domestic terrorism aside, I’m just saying something’s up. You think maybe he’s bored? I’ve been working tons of doubles lately so I haven’t had time for my normal gym routine. I think my butt’s gotten flat.”

“Tommy talks about your butt like it’s a religious experience.”

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If you see any spelling or grammar mistakes, please let me know.

You can read the whole thing below or on A03 -> Clearly Into You

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Buck wasn't usually a jealous guy. Okay. That was a lie. It had all started early one morning, Buck was balancing a banana nut muffin in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other when he noticed Tommy ducking back into the bedroom with his phone. Again. It was the third time that morning. This was after the incident yesterday—Tommy had disappeared into the garage just to “check a message,” and when Buck rounded the corner with a fresh cup of coffee to surprise him, Tommy had nearly jumped out of his skin. Buck's gut had churned then. Now it was practically staging a rebellion. He didn’t want to be that guy, the paranoid boyfriend, the clingy one, but when your long-term, ruggedly hot firefighter boyfriend starts acting like he's guarding the Missing Link every time his phone buzzes, you begin to worry. And Tommy? Tommy was the definition of sketchy lately. Buck had mentioned it casually to Tommy that night in bed. “You’ve been kind of... phone-private lately, huh?” Tommy had just snorted and rolled over, kissing Buck’s shoulder like that was an answer.

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The next day, Buck strolled into the living room with a dish towel slung over his shoulder and a faint whistle on his lips, just in time to catch Tommy snapping his phone screen off like he’d been caught looking up something deeply illicit. The speed of it was unnatural. Almost Olympic-level. Buck stopped mid-step, eyebrow lifting. “...Was that the nuclear launch codes, or…?” Tommy, sprawled on the couch with an exaggerated air of innocence, blinked up at him. “What?” “You just closed your phone like I walked in on you sexting a senator.” Tommy made a face, scoffing. “Don’t be ridiculous. I was—watching a video.” “Uh-huh,” Buck said, folding his arms. “Why’d you practically throw it across the room like it bit you?” Tommy shifted, “Reflexes. I’ve got cat-like reflexes.” “Oh, is that what we’re calling ‘panic’ now?” Tommy sniffed, nose tilted. “You startled me.” Buck peered at Tommy suspiciously. “What are you hiding?” “Nothing.” “Is it porn? “What? No!” Tommy didn’t even look up. “It was an educational video on new fire safety procedures.” Buck snorted. “Is that what we’re calling it now?” Tommy grinned. “Hey, I know “movie night” is a shared activity and I take our joint research sessions very seriously.” “Oh, joint research, huh?” Buck said, crossing his arms. “Because I distinctly remember you fast-forwarding through the plot last night.” “There was a plot?” Buck rolled his eyes but couldn’t stop the laugh that slipped out. “You know for a guy who claims he likes character development, you sure skipped a lot of dialogue.” “I’m just efficient,” Tommy said, smug. “Besides, I already know how it ends.” “Oh yeah?” Buck asked, stepping closer with a teasing smirk. “And how’s that?” “With both of us hitting pause because it got us a little too inspired.” “You know,” Buck murmured, eyes soft but sharp, “you’re very good at distracting me.” Tommy blinked, doing his best innocent face. “Am I?” “Mhm. Suspiciously good.” Buck kissed the corner of Tommy’s mouth, then pulled back just enough to look at him. “Almost like you’re trying to steer me away from asking what was going on with your phone earlier.” Tommy froze—just a flicker, just for a second—but Buck caught it. “It’s nothing, Evan. I promise.” And with that Tommy got up and walked into the kitchen.

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A few days later, another incident occurred when Buck showed up unannounced to Harbour Station to surprise Tommy with a sandwich from their favourite deli shop, which was the romantic equivalent of a bouquet of roses in firefighter terms. He spotted Tommy sitting alone in his truck in the back lot, hunched over his phone like it owed him money. Buck tapped on the window. Tommy jumped so hard he dropped the phone into the footwell. “Hey,” Buck said, peeking in. “What’re you doing out here?” Tommy looked mildly panicked. “Nothing! Just... decompressing.” Buck leaned into the window. “You know, when most people decompress, they don’t clutch their phone like it’s a cursed artifact.” Tommy fake-laughed, and kissed him on the cheek. “You're cute when you're nosy,” while casually sliding his phone back into his pocket. Suspicious. Very suspicious.

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After another non-answer from Tommy regarding his secretive phone use, Buck finally cornered Ravi in the kitchen of the 118, where Ravi was busy shoveling pasta into his mouth between calls. “Be honest with me,” Buck said, arms crossed, “do you think Tommy is seeing someone else?” Ravi choked. “What?” “I’m serious. He keeps sneaking off with his phone.” Ravi wiped his mouth and gave Buck a look. “Buck. Buddy. That man has stolen two helicopters for you.” Buck waved it off. “Light domestic terrorism aside, I’m just saying something’s up. You think maybe he’s bored? I’ve been working tons of doubles lately so I haven’t had time for my normal gym routine. I think my butt’s gotten flat.” “Tommy talks about your butt like it’s a religious experience.” Buck blushed. “Well. Still.” Since Buck’s falling out with Eddie—that argument in the kitchen that had left more than just words simmering—his friendship with Ravi had unexpectedly deepened. What started as casual conversation and shared beers had turned into real camaraderie, with Ravi naturally folding into Buck’s life outside the station. That meant spending time with Tommy too, and to Buck’s quiet delight, Ravi and Tommy hit it off effortlessly. The two shared an easy banter, trading dry humour and obscure movie references like they'd been friends for years. Ravi rolled his eyes. “Tommy’s not cheating. He’s obsessed with you. He just—sometimes he gets weird when something’s wrong with him. He doesn’t like looking vulnerable.” Buck narrowed his eyes. “So you do think something’s wrong.” Ravi shrugged. “Probably, but not something scandalous. He’s just not good at asking for help, you know that. Remember he tried to splint his own ankle last month with a clipboard and duct tape.” “…Yeah, okay. That tracks.” Ravi pointed a tomato sauce covered spoon at Buck’s chest. “If Tommy is hiding something, it’s probably because he’s the one embarrassed. You ever think of that?” Buck frowned. “I don’t like it when you’re right. It’s bad for our power dynamic.”

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The truth broke open like a scene from a soap opera. Buck walked into the kitchen one evening after a shortened shift to find Tommy squinting at his phone, held at arm’s length. Then—he reached into the drawer. Pulled out a sleek pair of reading glasses: Slim, black-rimmed, very distinguished. And slipped them on. Buck gasped like a Victorian man seeing a naked ankle. Tommy spun around, glasses in hand, caught red-handed. “Don’t say anything,” he muttered. “Please. I know. It’s awful.” Buck stared. “That’s what all this has been? The secret phone stuff? The whispering? The disappearing acts?” Tommy looked sheepish. “I didn’t want you to see me like this.” “Like what? Sexy librarian-core? Because it’s working.” Tommy groaned and sank into a chair. “No, I didn’t want you to see this version of me. I’m officially ancient. Glasses for the phone. Next it’ll be pill organizers and orthopedic sandals. You’re going to realize I’m some tragic, washed-up old man and run off with someone who can read a menu without squinting.” Buck blinked. “…You think I’m going to stop loving you because you need reading glasses?” Tommy looked truly miserable. “You’re still in your thirties. I’m—well, not. And look at me. The greys, a back that makes that clicking noise when I get out of bed. And I didn’t want you to—” Buck took a step forward. “Didn’t want me to what?” Tommy rubbed the back of his neck. “Realize how much older I am than you.” Buck stared at him, heart lurching. Then he stepped in, gently took the glasses, and placed them back on Tommy’s face. “You look like a sexy professor who teaches Advanced Fire Tactics at the Academy. Honestly, I’d enroll twice.” Tommy snorted. “And for the record?” Buck continued. “Yeah, your body’s incredible. You’re all tall and muscly, with those ridiculous forearms and muscles on top of muscles in your biceps that’s not even fair. And the flecks of grey in your hair? I’ve been trying to act normal about it, but it makes me want to climb you like a rope ladder.” Tommy laughed, the tension cracking at last. “But even if you didn’t look like that,” Buck added, quieter now, “I’d still love you. Because of how you show up. Because of how you make me feel like I matter, even when I’m being annoying or insecure or irrational.” He cupped Tommy’s face. “You’re smart. Snarky. Kind. You give a crap about people, even when it costs you something. That’s what I fell for. And that’s not going away.” Tommy looked at him for a beat, the barest shine in his eyes. “So... you’re okay with the glasses?” “Like you wouldn’t believe,” Buck whispered. “Want me to keep wearing them?” Buck said, grinning. “You might wanna bring them to bed. Just saying.” Tommy kissed him — slow, smiling against his lips. “You’re a menace.” “But I’m your menace,” Buck said.

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Tommy had been hesitant at first—wearing the glasses only when he was home alone, taking them off the second someone knocked at the door, and absolutely refusing to wear them during social gatherings. But Buck noticed. Of course he did. And over time, with quiet compliments and casual sincere praise, Buck chipped away at whatever insecurity was holding Tommy back. Now, Tommy wore them without flinching. Still a little self-conscious, maybe, still adjusting to the feel of them on his face—but the difference was noticeable. He didn’t hide anymore. Buck noticed that, too. Tommy adjusted his new glasses on the bridge of his nose, squinting at the mirror like the frames might suddenly shapeshift into something more flattering. “You keep looking at yourself like you’re trying to figure out who you are,” Buck said from the doorway, arms crossed, leaning just enough to make it obvious he’d been watching for a while. “I look like a dad trying to figure out how to work his own thermostat,” Tommy muttered. “You look like a sexy professor who could ruin my life in under ten seconds,” Buck said, dead serious. Tommy turned, raising an eyebrow over the rim of the glasses. “Ruin your life, huh?” “Oh yeah,” Buck said, pushing off the doorway and walking closer. “Like, ‘talk sternly to me in a quiet voice while handing me back my overdue essay face down’ kind of ruin.” Tommy smirked. “You have a whole fantasy worked out already?” Buck shrugged. “Not my fault you put those on and suddenly I want to sin in a public classroom.” Tommy laughed, cheeks a little pink. “You’re ridiculous.” “You’re hot,” Buck shot back, stopping just in front of him. “I mean—you were already hot. But now? Now I want to make bad choices with you in a very well-lit, academic environment.” Tommy leaned in slightly, eyes glinting. “So what you’re saying is… I should wear these more often.” Buck grinned, voice low and warm. “I’m saying if you don’t, I might start leaving textbooks around the house just to tempt you.” Tommy reached up, slowly removing the glasses and setting them aside. “Well. That sounds like dangerous encouragement.” Buck stepped closer, practically nose to nose now. “Good. I like a little danger.”

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[iphyslitterator]

Rewatched the scene at the bar, and I'm going to be too hard on Buck for a moment, look away.

Tommy says, "I was driving by your place the other day....," and doesn't sound done with the sentence when Buck interrupts then propositions him. What was he going to say, huh?? Where would the conversation have gone? Would there have been a conversation, a confession, if Buck hadn't interrupted it with sex???

Tommy says that Eddie stopped speaking to him, and Buck SAYS NOTHING. Not a "sorry, I didn't ask him to do that" or a "he shouldn't have" or a "that sucks, man, I know you were friends." We've talked about how Tommy got no indication Evan missed him; he ALSO got no indication Evan cares at all that his friends stopped speaking to Tommy on his behalf (and, I mean. maybe he doesn't).

[so-i-did-this-thing]

My latest thing has been bidding <=$5 on vintage "smalls" lots on Auction Ninja, ignoring the website, then seeing what I have managed to win days later.

Latest win: this collection of toy bird whistles (part of a larger lot of random stuff), most likely from the 1940/50s.

[alchemistc]

There's been something about the woobification of Buck that's been sitting on the tip of my tongue for weeks now, and I think I've finally figured it out.

This is, of course, mostly in reference to the moral outrage about a decade-ish (give or take) age gap between two adult men and the infantalization of one said grown man, so all the puritanism isn't really coming from a place of good faith anyway, but here's the thing that's been bugging me that I couldn't quite put a finger on until now.

Buck has people he goes to for certain things. He has, what are in his mind, experts in the field for most of the things he can't think through on his own, that he goes to for a sounding board.

He went to Hen to talk through the sperm donor dilemma for a few reasons that made sense to him. 1) She's a mom. She has very much had to deal with the reality of 'giving up' children she considered her own. Buck is aware that he would be giving up something that could mean something to him, and he wants to talk to someone who has some insight into that. 2) She's dealt with IVF. She knows the risks, she knows the trials and tribulations, she knows about this thing that he is thinking about agreeing to be a part of so she's going to have a fuller grasp on the enormity of everything this process entails.

And they drink about it. Hen gives him what she can and cautions him where she thinks she should and they continue to talk about it and regardless of what SHE thinks, he makes his mind up in part because he got to talk to his Expert.

Bobby is often his go to when he feels like he's losing his grip on things. He's seen Bobby staring down the bottom of the bottle. He's seen the work he's done to pull himself back into the world, and he's seen the way he fights for his family, his people. Buck leans on him in times of questioning himself because he knows Bobby has pulled himself off the ledge with bleeding hands and a bleeding heart.

He reaches out to Maddie about interpersonal shit constantly. We see it all the way back in S2 when he's starting to question what the hell he's still doing in Abby's apartment, and that never really changes. She's the one with advice for him when he's angry with his parents, upset with the firefam, worried about his friends, or just generally concerned with the way he's perceived by people or how he perceives the world. He goes to her when he's embarrassed, ashamed, because he knows she won't judge him for it. She'll call him out, for sure, but she's not going to look at him differently when she knows he's done something he considers bad behavior.

When he goes to her during the Tommy arc, he's there for one reason he'll admit, and another she has to ferret out. 1) He lied to his best friend and he doesn't know why. 2) Oh yeah he went on a date with a dude that's not strange WHY IS THAT STRANGE I'VE ALWAYS BEEN AN ALLY PLEASE DON'T PULL BACK THE CURTAIN - and Maddie is there with two things: 1) It's not weird but it IS new and something you clearly haven't worked through all the way which is why 2) you'll tell Eddie when you're ready

And Eddie is sort of his go-to to bounce ideas off of. Eddie is his Buck expert. Eddie is the guy who can sort through all the bullshit and who sees Buck for exactly who he is, every time, regardless of what Buck himself is thinking. Eddie is his best friend, and he knows the good the bad and the ugly better than anyone else. He is also, quite frankly, the one Buck seeks out to help him contextualize all of his romantic feelings for people. Eddie's the guy he talks to when he's interested in someone, when he's falling for someone, he's the guy through which Buck filters his love interests into the firefam. I do the same shit with my best friend. It's instinct to want the person you consider the expert on you to meet the person you are interested in, it's instinct to want them to like each other, to get along. Buck knows Eddie loves him (in whatever way you see that love, Buck knows Eddie loves him) and he wants this person who loves him to be at least an active listener as he talks himself through the minefield of relationships. I do also think that up until the events of season seven, Buck considers Eddie sort of an expert on that traditional love-marriage-kids-white-picket-fence relationship Buck thinks he's striving for - in a very naive way, because obviously the wasn't what Eddie and Shannon had and Buck knows that, but he's probably fed some of Eddie's rose colored reminiscences back into that notion.

When he comes out to Eddie he's got two worries. 1) I lied to you and I figured out why but I'm still a little worried you think it's weird and 2) I screwed it up with someone I really like and I don't know where to go from here.

And Eddie (Buck expert) reassures him that just because it's new and unexpected doesn't make it strange, that it doesn't change anything in their friendship. And then he gets right to the heart of it - if you like him you should reach out and tell him that. He doesn't know you like we do but if you give him the chance to, he'll love you as much as we do. If he doesn't give it the same shot you want to he's the idiot.

With all that context in mind, Buck isn't seeking out Tommy's attention because he wants an authority figure, or someone to take care of him, someone to guide him through sex or love or relationship dynamics or any of the other random shit I've seen ppl infantalizing Buck about.

What he's looking for, and what he ultimately tells Tommy he'd like to pursue, is a partnership. Someone to walk (or more likely for Buck, speedrun) through experiences together. The Athena to his Bobby, the Chim to his Maddie, the Karen to his Hen.

So every time I see someone infantalizing Buck for seeking out a relationship with an older man for X or Y reason, I'm just like - no. He has Bobby, Hen, Maddie, Eddie, Chim etc for that. He doesn't want or need Tommy for that. He is a grown ass man who has built these strong relationships with his peers and his mentors and he is so fucking aware of that because he reaches for their help any time he feels the urge for a helping hand.

So yeah, Tommy's older. Yes, Tommy has more experience with his sexuality than Buck. And that - that's really it. Buck's been in the same career for more than half a decade. He's lived on his own since he was no older than 19/20. He's had serious relationships, he has a rich and fulfilling life. There is no power imbalance in the relationship between Buck and Tommy.

And while the age gap may be a bit of a draw for Buck, it's not WHY he's attracted to Tommy. We know because he's told Maddie. He's cool. He's interesting. He's confident. He has a cleft.

Buck isn't going into this waiting for someone older and more experienced to take the fucking reins. He felt like he clicked with Tommy, like there was an immediate connection, and yes, Tommy had to kiss him about it for Buck to actually figure out what it was he was experiencing, but from that point on it was all on Buck (and the people he leans on for advice) to help him sort through.

Tommy didn't do shit other than pump the brakes and try to give Buck the space he thought he needed to decide what he was ready for. Buck (again, with the help of his experts - Maddie for the emotional piece of it, Eddie for the Buck of it all) did the work on his own. Tommy didn't swoop in and overbearingly hold his hand through a sexual awakening. He kissed him, asked him out, realized he wasn't ready, stepped back and then checked in multiple times when Buck came back at it going 120 miles an hour.

And then he did everything he could to prove to Buck he wanted the same thing - a partner, someone to talk to, and lean on, and flirt with and rely on to show up whenever they could feasibly manage it (and sometimes when it's a little unfeasible too).

The narrative even acknowledges that Buck had no reason to go to Bobby in this scenario, when he often would, and lays out exactly why.

Within the canon of this particular arc, we're meant to see this as Buck realizing he has the experience necessary to think these things through on his own. This is Buck finally taking control of something that's always felt like it fell into his lap a bit. This is Buck doing more than treading water until his legs give out.

And minimizing that growth bc you personally don't like the LI he's pursuing is gross at best. At worst it's something much more insidious.

[watchyourbuck]

Buck saying awkward ‘ally’ stuff during his first date with a man is the most recently-awoken-queer-coded thing ever and I’m gonna start screaming

[eddiegettingshot]

Nah buck always being on his back is like so funny to me. Because. Yes, mostly it’s because of the constraints of network television. But also. There are other ways to let the audience know that a man and a woman had sex other than. She sits on his lap and he does nothing. Like with Eddieshannon in season 2 he like rolls off her at the start of the clip. And that makes it clear that they just fucked. They like almost subvert with bucktaylor in that one (super hot) makeout scene where he’s like on top of her in between her legs. Then she like barely pushes him and he’s on his back all smiley. Anyway. Due to the constraints of network television and the beautiful world we live in. Buck only knows one position. Which is sitting down doing nothing. It’s who he is. I’m sure Eddie loves it tho. That’s his guy!!

no help you are so right. scream. the bucktaylor scene is awesome because its really giving you the sense that he is being put back where he belongs. yes buck wants to do a good job and serve and such but his idea of doing that is just like. letting himself be used maybe. he just gets into position and stays there. thats the sense i am getting. and thats why he really cant be sure whether he actually did a good job or not. because he didnt really "do" anything. this is on top of his mental problems of course. wait i seriously love this awesome world.

[heartbreakfeelsogood-moved]

☾ all was golden when the day met the night ☼

kai @miwtual's birthday countdown event + day 3: lyrics

res: one | two

[sloasis]

Buck's tsunami arc will always be my favorite .