#(that or Danielle is really emotionally fragile right now)

[angstandhappiness]

Interesting

Quote Prompt

“I don’t know when it changes from banter to you taking every little mean thing I say to you completely to heart and letting it destroy you. But, I really need you to tell me when that happens because I like you. We’re buddies. I’m not trying to hurt you.”

[cultureisdarkbeer]

The Beginning - Chapter 3 

Three Meals and a Liberty Bell

Conduit/Jersey Devil/Shadows

Read Here

It had been two weeks since Ethan walked out.  Scully missed him, but she knew it was time.  It was nice to not have to answer to anyone, to concentrate only on herself.   She was going to take advantage of this time to decide what it was she wanted out of life.  When she left Daniel it was the hardest thing she had ever done.  This breakup was not the same. It had been on the verge of happening for a while now.  Scully felt smothered as she eventually always did in her relationships. Being emotionally close was not something Dana was comfortable with. Ethan was another victim in the wake of the great Dana Scully.  She knew that to leave headquarters would be a mistake.  Now she would focus on her career, on herself, and enjoy the alone time.  Especially the joy in having to answer to no one, having to explain herself to no one, and having the whole wonderful apartment all to herself.

Then she got to work.  As with every day, she started in Blevin’s office.  On the surface the powers that be made it seem all too innocent.  Their justification for their actions was simple.  Exorbitant expenditures, flimsy reasons for expense and case requests, all under the guise of concern for appropriations of federal funding.  If any resistance was given they would follow up with accusatory statements concerning Mulder’s obsession with looking for his sister.  Instead of a spy, she felt more like his defender.  At the time, she wasn’t sure why she had such an intense urge to protect him.  Did Mulder portray a certain bad boy image?  A rebel with a cause.  He was fearless of consequences, focused, and determined.  She couldn’t bear to think of being responsible to put out such a fire.  Were his pursuits truly unfounded?

[Post Conduit]

Mulder lifted his head and dried his eyes.  This was getting him nowhere.  He prayed one last time to the God that never spoke back.  A quiet bystander overseeing all.  He had prayed for the signs that would lead to his sister.  Was she out there alone and afraid?  Had she been abused?  Experimented on, part of some untold testing and torture?  He wanted to believe he could still find her and save her.  Pain emanating his heart and infuriating his mind.  “Please God help me.  Give me the strength and the wisdom to find my sister” He got up. Mulder didn’t have much faith in religions and with each passing day he was losing faith in the God that would allow such sinister plots to torture innocent children. Was free will really the culprit in all this? With the sign of the cross he left the church, picked up his cell phone and pressed the redial button.

*

Scully listened to Mulder’s Hypnotic Regression Therapy session cassette from the case file. Convincing herself she was doing it out of necessity to gain deeper knowledge into her partner and not from sheer nosiness sated her conscience. It squeezed at her heart hearing his voice so fragile and vulnerable speaking about her crying out his name and him being unable to help her.  He wanted so badly to believe he could find her. Even though she did not believe beings from another planet came to claim his sister, she felt empathy and knew she was abducted by someone just the same.  What a terribly traumatic experience for him to have to go through at such a young age.  She pictured him as a boy, watching helplessly as his sister was taken and it caused her to shudder and shed a tear as raw emotion enveloped her.  The cellphone rang startling her.  “Scully”

“Hey Scully, it’s me, Mulder.”

“Hey Mulder” She inserted the contents and quickly closed the file even though logically he had no way of seeing her.  She felt like somehow she was violating his privacy, his innermost demons, even though it was part of public record.

“It’s around dinner time and I really don’t feel like eating alone tonight.  Care to join me?”

She could hear the continued sorrow in his voice and she didn’t have the heart to turn him down.  She knew how badly this case had affected him and now she was able to begin to understand why.  The wounded expression when he relented, knowing how much he wanted to help that family.  How he saw himself in that boy.

“Sure Mulder, wherever you’d like.”

There they sat in another dimly lit restaurant at a corner table.  If someone didn’t know any better they would probably assume they were on a date.

“Mulder, I want to apologize to you.  Twice today I laid my hands on you and I shouldn’t have done that, it was inappropriate of me.”

Mulder frowned. He wanted to play innocent and ask what she meant, but her touch spoke to him.  It was soothing and warm.  Electrified and magnetic.  “No Scully, I should thank you.  Both times, when I was pulling those rocks off of that makeshift grave and when I was going after the boy in the hospital I was out of control.  You brought me back.  I need you to do that for me, that’s what friends do.”

He looked at her and his eyes sparkled, they reached out to her heart and she felt them hug her.  She closed her eyes to absorb it all and opened them with a warm smile that made Mulder stare down at his pasta to break away from the intimacy.

She asked him to share some stories of the good times he remembered with his sister.  As he expounded, an intense pained look came across his face.  It was the same look he had while he was opening up to her in the car.  She knew without him saying it that he had never spoke like this to anyone before.  She recalled his lips twitching and eyes trembling as he told her about closing his eyes as he walked into his bedroom in anticipation that he would open them and his sister would be there lying in the bed.  Her heart pained for him as she imagined him waking every day waiting for her return.  His love for her pure and innocent.  As he continued to speak she realized it wasn’t just about his sister, but having his family together again.  This tragic event eventually led to his parents splitting up and with it his childhood.  Scully wanted to reach out to him, comfort him in some way, but she had to remind herself that they were very much strangers.

[The Jersey Devil]

Scully wasn’t sure what to believe anymore with the uniqueness of the cases and Mulder.  She was beginning to think that was the point.  The fact that something could occur without explanation frightened her to the core.  In her world she needed structure and proof. None of which meant anything to an x-file case.  This week it was the Jersey Devil. Folklore becoming truth. Instead of enjoying the afternoon with her new found regular, dependable boyfriend, Scully found herself walking the halls of the Smithsonian with Mulder speaking to an ethnobiologist.  As they returned to the car, Mulder walked around to open the door for her. “Didn’t want to be a Neanderthal” he chimed, closed it and walked to his side of the car. As he got in he asked, “Do you like Chinese food?”

“I’ve been known to eat it from time to time.” She was hesitant not knowing where he was headed.

“I was thinking we could get some take-out and head over to my place.  I want to show you where I keep the rest of my files and there are some details I’d like you to know in case anything ever happens.”

With any other human being, one might interpret his invitation as one with sexual connotations.  Scully had learned that emotionally Mulder was still a twelve year old boy and had not progressed much since his sister’s abduction.  It was both frustrating and enduring simultaneously.  “Sounds like a plan.”

Scully followed Mulder into his apartment where he gave her the grand tour.  It hinted of old wood and leather.  His kitchen was small, but efficient and it was obvious he waited for the dishes to stockpile to a certain level before he deemed it necessary to clean them.  With the exception of living like a bum for the weekend in Atlantic City, Mulder’s grooming habits did not match his housekeeping.  Lucky for her since he liked to speak to her an inch from her face.  The more intense the conversation, the closer he would get.  His breath was either minty or had the fragrance of sunflower seeds.  The clean soapy smell of his skin was augmented by his cologne. Pleasant but not overpowering and complimented by his Mulderesque aroma.  He kept himself well groomed, although his five o’clock shadow was nothing to balk at.  As she continued to look around she noticed his desk which was cluttered with mail and files.  “You want dishes or should we eat from the containers?” He asked from the kitchen.

“I’m not above eating from a container.” Scully replied. Besides, she wasn’t completely confident in Mulder’s dish cleaning abilities.

Mulder returned with two forks and two glasses of iced tea.  Handing a fork to Scully he stated, “I didn’t peg you for a chopstick kinda woman.”

As they ate he turned on a football game and went into detail concerning how he was able to secure his connections in congress and how they in turn protected the x-files and provided legitimacy for them to stay open.  “Senator Matheson is my biggest proponent.  He has helped tremendously.”  As he spoke his intense gaze remained on Scully.  His passion on the subject was unquestionable.

Scully looked around and realized something was missing.  “Mulder, do you have a bathroom?”

“Yeah…it’s uh…right through my…uh, file room”

Scully got up and opened the door.  Pornographic magazines fell open at her feet.  She chuckled. “Good filing system Mulder.”

“There not mine I swear.  If they are it’s for investigative purposes only.”  She turned squinting her eyes at him, raised one eyebrow, then stepped over the pile and squeezed her way into the bathroom.  Scully was getting use to walking in on him at work with a magazine or something interesting on television.  Certainly HR would have a field day with him, but she didn’t mind.  He was always making some kind of excuse or trying to hide it, but she thought it was the most normal thing he did besides his fondness for sports.  If he would stop being so shy about it at some point down the road she may even consider watching one with him.  The thought made her teeth dig into her bottom lip. After all, she had needs too.  When she finished in the bathroom she decided to be nosy and have a look around.  What should have been the bedroom was covered from floor to ceiling with papers and newspaper clippings, files, filing cabinets, and magazines.  When she walked back out to the couch she noticed a pillow and blanket stuffed neatly in the corner.  “Mulder, can I ask you something personal?”

“No, of course not Scully.” He said with a grimace and slurped up his lomein.

“How do you…um…entertain without a bedroom?”

“Oh” He laughed. Then a real sullen expression came over his face and she was almost sorry she asked the question. “I usually don’t.  Woman don’t particularly gravitate towards you when you’re spooky.  Besides, I told you, finding my sister, this” He held up several x-files cases, “Is all that matters to me. My dedication doesn’t afford me the time for anything else.”

This was clearly a subject he didn’t want to discuss.  You could see his invisible wall erecting and he curled up around his Chinese container making his body appear to shrink. Of course, Scully pushed forward anyway, “You’re a good-looking guy Mulder.  I’m sure there are plenty of women out there who would be interested in you.”

He reached over and picked up the last dumpling.  “You’re not going to eat this are you?”  Scully shook her head and he popped it into his mouth.  “So Scully,” he asked chewing a mouthful of dumpling, “What was wrong with Mr. Right?  How come he didn’t pass muster for a second date?”

Scully picked up her fork and played with her food as she stared at it. “I don’t know.  I just got out of a relationship and the idea of starting another one with a ready-made family….I don’t know.  I told myself I would give myself time to focus on my career and that’s what I’m going to do.” She looked up at Mulder with her big blue eyes and smiled playfully. “Anyway, if I’m going to keep up with my partner I don’t have time for that kind of tomfoolery.” And with that she reached over and snagged one of his shrimp with a devious smile.

“No tomfoolery huh?”  He lifted an eyebrow laughing at the expression and stole a forkful of Kung Pao chicken from her container.  

“Hey!” she shrilled.

“I almost forgot.” Mulder got up still crunching a peanut and handed her a key.  “This is to my apartment.  In case I need to go on another extended leave.  I’ll need you to feed my fish.”

She took it graciously.  It made her happy that he trusted her enough with the keys to his place.  Little did she know his place was like Grand Central Station to anyone with an inkling and a hair pin.

[Post Shadows]

“Hey Scully, do you believe in an afterlife?”

“I’d settle for a life in this one.”

“Have you ever seen the Liberty Bell?”

“Yes.”

“You know, I’ve been to Philadelphia 100 times and I’ve never seen it.”

“You’re not missing much. It’s a big bell, with a big crack, and you have to wait in a long line.”

“I’d really like to go.”

“Why now?”

“I don’t know.  How late do you think they stay open?”

Closed at 5 P.M. read the sign to Independence National Historic Park.   “Well, I guess you’ll have to wait to see it some other time Mulder.”

“Maybe” The tires screeched as the car propelled forward into the park around the protruding arm of the entrance gate.  Securing a spot he set the car in park turning it off and removed his seatbelt.

Scully’s face held a soured expression, “Really Mulder?  Why is it that we can never go a day without breaking some law?”

Mulder smirked as he opened the door, “I’m just putting some life into your life.”

“Mulder, the park is closed and now we’re trespassing.  I’m sure there’s cameras and security everywhere.”

Motioning her towards him he ducked down besides the bushes.  He noted the security at the entrance and stood up puffing his chest out displaying his badge with a serious expression, his mouth in a line with eyebrows to match. He knocked at the glass door purposefully deepening his voice.  “Sir, FBI, we were informed there were some possible suspects in a crime that visited the area today and we would like to take a look around.  Make certain there was no sabotage or evidence of explosives left behind.”

The guard looked instantly shocked and worried.  Obviously he wasn’t use to any kind of excitement on the premises, especially at that hour.  Scully took out her badge and half-heartedly displayed it.

Mulder strolled down the hall with Scully in toe. Throughout the expansive, light-filled center, stood larger-than-life historic documents and graphic images depicting the facts and the myths surrounding the bell.  Inside the quiet alcoves, the two read on and watched some short films on replay as well as gawked at x-rays of the inner-workings and the bell’s crack.  Mulder’s hand slid into Scully’s and tugged her towards the grand hall. There stood the liberty bell in all its majesty.  The glass wall providing Independence Hall showcased in lights as the backdrop underneath the night’s sky.  Scully felt Mulder squeeze her hand and didn’t release it as he stared in awe.  She wondered what was traveling through his genius, but chose to stay in cozy silence. His index finger caressed her own lighting up her chest. When he let her hand go it twitched in protest.  He threw his arm around her squeezing her shoulder and whispered in her ear, “Is this really such a bad life?”

She looked up at him and her mouth fell open, a warming sensation filling her heart. This was his response to her earlier statement. Wow, it was an incredibly romantic gesture even if it was meant only in friendship.  Which led her to pull away. The unbridled intimacy between them sending her off kilter. “Mulder, when I said I wanted a life, I wasn’t referring to one in a prison. We may be overstaying our welcome.”

As they left Mulder nodded to security which seemed indifferent to the whole situation and headed out for some dinner.

Scully looked across from her rebel with a cause partner as they bit into their cheese steaks.  "You never told me, what it was like to witness spectral phenomenon first hand.”

“It was everything I could have hoped for and more.  A little frightening.” Their eyes locked and they shared a smile.

“I’ll never get you to believe will I” Mulder looked almost sad.

“Oh, I wouldn’t say never Mulder, I only require you to substantiate your theories.”

“I think that ghost could have shook hands with you, danced around the room, and gave you his key to the pearly gates and you still would say it was only a figment of our imaginations.”

“Does that bother you Mulder?”

He sat silently for a moment in deep concentration. Carefully he spoke. “It can be slightly frustrating at times, but you add the validity to my work that I need.  You force me to justify my theories and conclusions with proof.  I can never argue with that. Plus, you respect my process and me.”

“I may not always agree with you Mulder, but I’ll always support you.”

As they drove off into the night headed back to D.C., Mulder set the dial to sports, his thoughts on spiritual unrest and its impact on society.  Looking over he found that his partner had drifted off to dreamland.  The comfortable, calmness in her face highlighted her youthful appearance.  She looked happy.  He hoped that he was partially responsible for that.  Knowing what was in store for them when they arrived in D.C., she would need her moment of peace to last as long as possible.

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@ms31x129 @today-in-fic @season4mulder @babygirlmulder1018 @muldermakesmehorny @kyouryokusenshi @wholeperson @enigmaticxxbee @kunataiporablog @baronessblixen

[thewickedmerman]

My Fan-Cast for the Movie Adaptation of Wicked

As many of you are aware, I absolutely ADORE Wicked and I'm so excited about the movie adaptation that is just taking FOREVER to be made, even before the pandemic came along. So, like many people, I just keep wanting them to make some casting announcements for the movie already and have been making my own fan-cast for the movie, even making a video of my fan-cast. However, I felt like taking the time to explain my casting choices so everyone knows why I made my choices. I will provide my fan-cast video at the end, so you can hear the vocal capabilities. Please keep in mind that this is just my personal opinion, so there's no need to be rude. Let me know what you think of my casting choices because I LOVE reading comments/retweets, especially long and detailed ones. Enjoy!

Emma Thompson as The Midwife

This is a minor role and I know that it is a waste of Emma Thompson's talents to put in a minor role but I just keep imagining her in the role. I mean, her voice just suits the character. She has a beautiful voice, even if it's not really among the great singers. Plus, the character would require a good actress because of how there isn't much required of the singing. Besides, there are major stars who have been in minor roles, despite that they were already major stars at the time of the release. I don't have much to say with this as I do with the others.

Rebecca Mader as Melena Thropp

Everyone probably knowns her for her role on Once Upon a Time as the Wicked Witch of the West, Zelena, which would make her playing the role of Elphaba and Nessa's mother all the more perfect. It may be a minor role, but she has proven she can make an impact even in a minor role like she did in the third Iron Man movie. She clearly has the acting chops for the role and the musical episode of Once Upon a Time has shown that she has the singing chops because she had the best voice out of the entire cast. I mean, Melena Thropp only sings one line, but the original Melena and Rebecca sound a lot alike. She's proven in Once Upon a Time that she can be very convincing as a woman in labor, which is a major thing for Melena because the biggest thing she does in her screentime is that she gave birth to Elphaba. She also looks like she could be the mother of my choices for Elphaba and even like she could be related to my choices for Nessarose.

Alan Cumming as Frexspar Thropp

This is the last of the minor roles, but this character does have more going on than the other two. This character would require a strong actor who can be emotionally distant and cold without coming off as robotic or stale. He needs to be able to show how doting he is with Nessa, though still reserved and composed, while also being able to show his disdain for Elphaba. Alan Cumming is a brilliant actor that can play a variety of roles, so he would be able to capture the character. He even has experience with musicals, most notably being his role in the 1999 film version of Annie where he played one of the main antagonists, Rooster. He has a great voice so he would be great for the role both in terms of acting and musicality.

Chris Colfer as Boq (Act 1)

Yeah, for the characters I'm doing double-casting because of how Act 1 takes place when they are in school and Act 2 takes place many years later. Starting off with this double-casting is my choice for Boq in Act 1, Chris Colfer. Boq in Act 1 is a very awkward character that is in love with Glinda but she doesn't give him the time of day, which is a character that Chris Colfer plays very well. He'd be able to capture the awkwardness, the sweetness, the hidden frustration, and the overall dorkiness of the character in Act 1. His face practically screams all of that. He not only can act but is has an incredible singing voice that can handle the moments when Boq belts out. Plus, his very feminine sounding voice would just add to the character being seen as a dork that Glinda just doesn't have any interest in but he keeps pining for. Plus, he has such a youthful look to him that he can pass as someone who is still in school.

Daniel Radcliffe as Boq (Act 2)

I feel like Daniel Radcliffe has the right look for Boq in Act 2 because he can be more serious and intense, which is required for the character when he becomes heartless and the Tinman, but can still look awkward and dorky. His performance as Harry Potter shows he can look emotionless while also not coming off as a bad actor, which is important for when he's Nessa's butler, as an attempt to force him to remain by her side along with taking away the rights of the munchkins. He needs to be able to show how he resents Nessa while appearing emotionlessly professional, despite her pining for him. Not only can he act, but he even has musical experience by playing the protagonist of the show How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. I had no idea that he could sing so well. His voice is powerful enough to handle Boq's singing during the song "March of the Witch Hunters."

Kevin Kline as Doctor Dillamond

Kevin Kline was just the first and only actor that came to mind when I was thinking of who to cast for Doctor Dillamond, especially after watching his performance in the live-action remake of Beauty and the Beast. First of all, I know that Kevin Kline's true vocal abilities weren't displayed in that movie because he actually has a great voice and a lot of Broadway experience. However, Doctor Dillamond is not a character that really shows a lot of impressive vocal ability. His voice is a lot more limited and I felt like Kevin Kline captured the qualities of Doctor Dillamond's singing perfectly when he sang "How Does a Moment Last Forever" in Beauty and the Beast. That role also showed he could pull off the tender, loving, and quirkiness of Doctor Dillamond. He's just perfect for the role.

Sofia Carson as Nessarose (Act 1)

She has the perfect look for Nessarose, at least the type of Nessarose that I imagine. I always imagined her as someone with light skin (With Sofia it depends on the lighting), long and silky black hair, and of course so damn gorgeous. Nessa is described as being a radiant beauty, which Sofia Carson clearly is. Not only that, but she has played characters that are a little spoiled and selfish like Nessa, who never appreciates all that Elphaba does for her. She also has a beautiful voice. I mean, her voice is very breathy and nasally, as well as kind of frail and fragile, but I feel like that would suit Nessa. First of all, in Act 1, there isn't really much required of Nessa in terms of vocal ability, though she still has to be able to sound good. Secondly, her voice being kind of frail and fragile, though her voice isn't weak by any means, would really suit Nessa because of how she is treated as frail and fragile, due to not being able to walk or take care of herself. It suits her and the sheltered life she's lived that matches her falling instantly in love with the first guy who asks her out on a date.

Lucy Hale as Nessarose (Act 2)

First of all, don't Sofia and Lucy look like they could be related? Secondly, Lucy Hale really suits Nessarose in Act 2 where she is now the Governor of Munchkin Land (A position that is apparently isn't done through election but rather through a family bloodline) and known as The Wicked Witch of the East, despite her not having any magical powers like her sister. Lucy Hale is absolutely GORGEOUS! Just like Sofia Carson, she is what I imagine when I picture what Nessarose should look like. Light skin, dark hair, and red lips. Not to mention her sharp eyes would be able to show the cruel nature of Nessarose in Act 2. Do I even need to mention her acting chops? She is a brilliant actress who is best known for her hit show Pretty Little Liars. She also has an amazing voice that is very different from Sofia Carson's but would still suit Nessa in Act 2. Unlike in Act 1, Nessa isn't really treated as frail and fragile but rather seen as a cold-hearted dictator. Lucy's voice is much deeper and more powerful, which shows Nessa's maturity from a delicate girl. Plus, during the song "Wicked Witch of the East" (Which was never included in the soundtrack for some dumb reason), she has a moment where she actually does belt, which shows her desperation of wanting Boq to be alright. She's more demanding than she was in Act 1, which I think Lucy Hale can display with her incredible acting and singing abilities. She's proven time and time again what a strong actress she is.

Glenn Close as Madame Morrible

I don't even think I need to list Glenn Close's acting credits! She is right up there with Meryl Streep and Julianne Moore, only that Glenn is LONG overdue for an Oscar win. She is a brilliant actress! One of THE best actresses that ever existed! My favorite role she's been in is as Cruella De Vil in the live-action remake of 101 Dalmatians and its sequel, 102 Dalmatians. So she has experience playing villainesses. That is important because of how Madame Morrible doesn't really sing much and requires more of a strong actress than a singer. However, Glenn Close has a great voice and has a lot of Broadway experience, particularly the lead role of Sunset Boulevard. She has the right look for Madame Morrible. Like, she has a face you'd expect her to have when you think of Madame Morrible.

Kelsey Grammer as The Wizard

First of all, I know Kelsey's voice is a lot deeper than people are used to for The Wizard, but I feel like that doesn't make much of a difference. An important aspect to capture for The Wizard is that he is a total ham that loves to get a bunch of attention. If you have seen Kelsey Grammer's performance as Frasier in Cheers and more specifically Frasier (The FAR superior show), you'd know that Kelsey can definitely ham it up while still not having it come off as bad acting. When it comes to hammy acting for a hammy character, you need to be able to find the right balance, which is hard to do. Kelsey is an expert at this and would just love eating up the role. He can also capture the sentimental and tender side that tries to convince Elphaba to join him, twice. His deep and dulcet sounding voice would be able to capture that better than the typical high pitched and nasally voice The Wizard usually has. Not to mention he has a great voice that can handle the energetic nature of The Wizard while still maintaining the vocal quality. He has a lot of Broadway experience and a lot of you who aren't familiar with his work have actually already heard him sing if you've seen the animated movie, Anastasia, where he provided both the speaking and singing voice for Vlad. He's absolutely PERFECT for The Wizard.

Jordan Fisher as Fiyero (Act 1)

First of all, I have to point out something and that is that in the book that the musical is based on, Fiyero was brown. They were never specific on what race he is and it's kept ambiguous but he and the people of his kingdom are described as having brown skin. This is something rarely ever seen in the stage show, though you could argue that it was among a long list of things that were changed from that terrible book. Anyway, I feel like this is something that should be taken into account when casting for the movie because representation is important. Now, with that out of the way, Jordan Fisher would be absolutely amazing as the cocky and fun-loving Prince Fiyero in Act 1. He has the right look, can seriously dance, is a great actor, and has a PHENOMENAL voice. He has proven he can play cocky characters in Rent: Live and Grease: Live. Those helped display his Broadway experience and that's not even the tip of the iceberg of his Broadway experience. His voice is so incredible that he is basically the male equivalent of Mariah Carey with those impressive high notes. He can play a cocky character and still show tenderness and charm, which is important for Fiyero.

Corbin Bleu as Fiyero (Act 2)

First of all, don't Corbin and Jordan look a lot alike? But that's not the only reason why I cast him as Fiyero in Act 2. I discovered that he has done a lot of Broadway work and really showed what an amazing voice he has. I mean, when he was on Disney, I thought his voice was great but in a kind of pop singer way that felt like he was holding back. Broadway-style music really showed what he was capable of with his powerful and strong voice that is full of energy and tenderness. Not to mention he's an incredible dancer. He's a great actor that would be able to capture Fiyero's more mature nature he has in Act 2 and how protective he is over Elphaba. He'd capture the charm of the character perfectly!

Dove Cameron as Glinda (Act 1)

First of all, the original actress for Glinda, Kristin Chenoweth, is campaigning for Dove Cameron to play Glinda in the movie. That shows that Dove is an amazing choice! I trust Kristin Chenoweth's judgment, apart from when she thought it was a good idea to play Maleficent in that AWFUL Descendants movie. Anyway, Dove has proven in her performance as Amber in Hairspray: Live that she can play the part of an egocentric, girly, primadonna VERY well. Glinda definitely needs a strong actress to capture the negative and basically white privilege that is Glinda while still being charming and engaging, which Dove is more than capable of doing. She definitely has the vocal chops to pull it off with her powerful voice that can even do operatic singing and hit really high notes, which is required for the role of Glinda. She may be a Disney Channel star, but she is also classically trained. She'd be perfect for Glinda in Act 1!

Megan Hilty as Glinda (Act 2)

As you can see, I've included an actress who has actually played one of the characters on the stage. I didn't do that with other characters because screen acting and stage acting are two COMPLETELY DIFFERENT skillsets. What works for one doesn't work for the other. Stage acting is a lot more exaggerated and broad because they have to make sure their performance can be seen by everyone in the audience. Screen acting can be a lot more subtle and intimate. That's not to say that there aren't actors that can do both stage and screen acting, almost all of the actors here have. Megan Hilty has played Glinda many times before and is the second-best Glinda after Kristin Chenoweth. She has the bubbly personality, the comedic timing, and the maturity (That comes later in the show) that is required for the role of Glinda in Act 2. She has a brilliant voice that has sung these songs MANY times, so it's obvious that she can hit the high notes and sing in an operatic voice. She's proven she can play Glinda on stage and I think she has the acting talent to be able to play her on-screen.

Ariana Grande as Elphaba (Act 1)

I know that this is the most controversial choice on this list because people either love or hate the idea of Ariana Grande as Elphaba. First of all, guess what two people want her to be Elphaba. Kristin Chenoweth and the original Elphaba, Idina Menzel! Those two are among the QUEENS of Broadway and know these characters VERY well since they played them MANY times. I trust their judgment. Now with that out of the way, she may be known as a pop singer but she got her start being on Broadway LONG before her pop music career took off. When she sings Broadway music, that is when her voice manages to really shine through because of her background with Broadway. You can actually understand what she is saying because she has proper enunciation when she sings that style of music. She even sang "The Wizard and I" at Wicked's anniversary special. Her vocal ability is undeniable with her powerful and strong voice that can seriously belt and has such a beauty to it. Now, I know what people are gonna say, that she isn't a good actress. First of all, it's not fair to only judge her based off the roles she's been given where she's being typecast as the dumb chick thanks to her iconic role as Cat Valentine. However, she still plays that role well, but there is so much more to her than just that. In her performance on Saturday Night Live, where she got to show more of her acting range, she caught the attention of the legendary director, Steven Spielberg, who personally contacted her because he wanted her to be in one of his movies. However, she turned him down because she wanted to focus on her music career. The point is that if she managed to get the attention of one of the most successful and critically acclaimed directors of all time, you know that she truly does have acting chops that have just never been given a chance. Playing Elphaba would give her that chance!

Anneliese van der Pol as Elphaba (Act 2)

Finally, we have my choice for Elphaba in Act 2, the brilliant and wickedly talented, Anneliese van der Pol. You all know her as Chelsea from That's So Raven and Raven's Home but there is SO MUCH MORE to her than just that. She has mainly thrived off of being on Broadway, with her most iconic role being the last actress to play Belle from Beauty and the Beast on Broadway and was the BEST out of all of the women who have played her. She has such a powerful and incredible voice! Her voice can actually give Idina Menzel a run for her money! It's a shame that she's not more famous because she has the phenomenal talent to be an A-list celebrity. Not only that, but she's a great actress too and can do so much more than just comedy, which she's proven with her performance as Belle. She also just has a face that is perfect for Elphaba, especially her nose. Another fun fact is that she is actually Jewish, just like Idina Menzel, which would make it even better if she was cast as Elphaba. She is the PERFECT choice for Elphaba and is not likely to get the role because she's not considered famous enough and that's considered more important than actual talent. But this is my fan-cast and I can cast whoever I want and she is just pure perfection for the part of Elphaba.

[lilydalexf]

👽 X-Files "all things" Fic Recs

There is no such thing as reading too many fics involving the episode "all things." Here are some great ones. For @peacenik0, who asked. The Big Orange by @teethnbone Fox Mulder and Dana Scully carpool to Dulles because it’s S7 for gosh sakes, and it’s good to save on gas. Cadence by @aloysiavirgata The other ache between them had been easier to bear than this awkward aftermath. Counting Kisses by @lilydalexf Mulder and Scully go on a journey of discovery and escalating recognition in season 7, starting with Millennium and running through Je Souhaite. The journey involves a lot of kissing. Gravity Plays Favorites by anythingbutgrey The boyfriend goes quickly and the physics stays. That’s what she likes the most. A Greater Intelligence by TrapperII Everything seems clear to her again: his eyelashes fluttering lushly against his cheeks; the shifting colors in his eyes; the throb of his artery beneath her fingertips. Night and Light and the Half-Light by @joelyjo Well, you can’t start to write XF fanfic without writing something set around the events of ‘all things’, now can you? Out Into Nothing by Nynaeve Missing scene fic.

Parabiosis by Penumbra Science and Mysticism conjoin Partner in All Things by Livia Balaban Mulder was alone. Her voice on his machine revealed nothing. She said she’d sent a letter. The Physics of Strength and Flashbulb by @scienceandmysticism The thing about newness is that it seems so fragile, when really it’s supple, elastic, strong. / A flashbulb memory is a vivid image, figuratively seared into the mind, often accompanying a visceral reaction to an emotionally impactful event. Sign Language by emmbright Takes place after "all things" but mentions the events of "Per Manum" Sinners Come Down by @poeticsandaliens Six years into her marriage to Daniel, Scully meets Fox Mulder at a bar one night, and they get talking and fucking over alcohol and self-pity. Something Else by @discordantwords Might we then see the endless forks in the road that have shaped a life? And, seeing those choices, choose another path? Basically “It’s a Wonderful Life” through an X Files lens. Standing Still by KatyBlue Post-ep, All Things Suddenly by @mldrgrl A sequel to Bang Bang, My Baby Shot Me Down. Post-all things, Scully finally catches up to Mulder. Spoilers for pretty much half of season 6 and 7, but if you haven’t caught up by now, why are you here? Then You're His Minuend by amyhit This is not something normal girls do. Things You Said When You Thought I Was Sleeping by @somekindofseizure An “All Things” fic. Touch the Moon by Pteropod Lunchtime the day after the beginning and end of “all things”. In my world, M&S did not do the naked pretzel during the episode. Untitled by @foxmulders instead of a random hospital encounter, daniel waterson just knocks on scully’s door, hoping to rekindle things Untitled by @i-am-alittle-on-edge did we go through all of that just to become strangers again? Untitled by @lyndsaybones Moving from the Millennium kiss to a physical relationship and eventually rst. Untitled by @softnow their first time in all things mulder says to Scully that he doesn’t have a condom but Scully tells him that it doesn’t matter Wanting by @mldrgrl There can never be enough all things fics, right? Where to Look by Buckingham A fashionable look at the evolution of a relationship Yielding to Yesterday by Rocketman Sometimes the day after is just … the day after.

[msjr0119]

Hold On

Part 17c - The last day of court.

Nobody got injured at the Homecoming ball, they all get separated into different safe houses- for safety.

Riley and Drake had confirmed that they had feelings for each other, however Drake believed Riley should be with Liam. Heartbroken, she moves back to New York. Only keeping in touch with Hana, Maxwell and Olivia.

Riley meets lawyer, Nate Cooper and begins a relationship with him. In Cordonia, Drake begins to court Kiara.

Nine months after Riley had left Cordonia- there is a reunion, but not the reunion the friends had hoped for.

*Characters belong to Pixelberry*

If you are under 18 please do not read this series. If you do you are consenting that you are over the age.

Series warnings: Suicide, domestic abuse, swearing, stabbing, smut 🍋. If any of these triggers affect you do not read!

Tags- @annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @drakesensworld @ladyangel70 @butindeed @bbrandy2002 @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @choices97 @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world

******

Riley was nervous for the last day of court, surely this alibi was fake? Maybe Nate was purposely delaying the verdict. Who knows? No matter what the verdict was she was returning to Cordonia. She was going to make up for lost time with her King.

For the third time, everyone resumed their normal positions. Three days in court was tiring- the trial was draining all the energy out of everyone. Riley had spoken to Miss Graham the previous day, requesting that they try to get cctv from the night Leo was attacked. As it happened months ago- there was no video evidence. Riley thought about asking on social media if anyone was around that night- but her attorney advised against this. They were confident he was going to be wearing orange for a while- especially as he admitted to pushing her down the stairs. That isn’t normal behaviour. If they can’t get him for other injuries- they can definitely get him for that.

The court case began. Miss Graham, insisted on showing the judge and the jury photo evidence of Riley’s and Leo’s injuries. Beth, Lola, Daniel and Leo were gobsmacked at the photos of Riley provided by the hospital. They didn’t realise that it was that bad. They were all furious and felt guilty. Leo now understood fully why Riley didn’t want Liam there. Leo was ready to kill Nate himself. The whole court gasped at the images- Nate looked down to the floor, he hoped to god his alibi would come through for him.

“Please welcome to the stand Miss Chambers. She will give last minute evidence supporting Mr Cooper.”

Riley and Leo truly believed that he didn’t have an alibi. Riley now knew that he must have paid someone to lie to for him. The brunette stood up- quickly glanced at Riley. Her heart felt as if it had stopped. She couldn’t breath.

“Leo! It’s fucking Madeleine!”

“Ri, don’t be stupid. Maddy is blonde.”

“Leo I’m telling you it’s fucking her! That smirk. Those eyes! Don’t call me stupid! It’s her! Have you never heard of disguises? You should check Lola’s wardrobe out!”

“Miss Brooks is there a problem? I will have to remove you.”

“Riley if it is her. We will sort this. Just let her talk the bullshit that she always does. We know the truth. She’s doing this because she’s jealous. Just sit down Ri. You can’t be thrown out. Please.”

“No. Sorry your honor.” - Miss fucking Chambers, my fucking arse. I’m onto you Countess.

‘Miss Chambers’ read out the oath in front of everyone. First lie under oath, bravo Madeleine- Riley muttered. Riley shook her head, jaws clenched- staring at both Nate and ‘Miss Chambers’ with narrowed eyes. Leo took her hand, gently rubbing it. If it was Madeleine, he was going to immediately contact Liam to come. The junior kings guard would have to escort him on the royal jet.

“Miss Chambers, you say that you believe that my two clients were having an affair?”

“Yes they was- are. They have been doing for over a year. I should know, as Leo was once my fiancé.”

Riley shot a look at Leo- told you fucking so! Leo held his head low, he knew Riley was intelligent- he was slightly pissed that he didn’t figure it out before her. Anger building up inside her- she couldn’t take it anymore.

“That is not true! She’s lying! She’s not called Miss Chambers. She has it in for the two of us and Leo’s brother! What have you done Nate? Paid her to lie for you?”

“Miss Brooks, last warning. Sit down!”

Leo stood up pleading with Riley to sit down. He knew how she felt, he felt it too. The jury surely wouldn’t believe ‘last minute evidence’.

“I do believe, I have my drivers license with my name on it. I can show everyone if you want your honor.”

The judge took the license and showed it on the big screen. Fucking cunning bitch- Riley was exasperated, her breathing increased rapidly.

“Miss Chambers, have you any evidence that they was having this apparent affair?”

“Yes. Here is a photo.”

Everyone looked at the photo- it showed Riley and Leo on a dance floor dancing. An innocent dance. Not as if their tongues were down each other’s throats.

“Ri, as far as I remember that was the first night you slept with Nate. Don’t worry, she’s trying to pull anything. It won’t happen.”

“Looks like a picture of two friends dancing Miss Chambers. Not exactly proof of an affair is it? What other evidence are you wanting to provide because quite frankly I believe this is a waste of time. We want to get to the verdict and wrap this trial up.”

“I have a video from the night of the attack. It was taken on my phone. I can prove that it wasn’t Nate beating Mr Rhys to a pulp.”

The judge retrieved the video, he plugged the phone into the laptop using a usb cable. It played it in front of the courtroom, on the projector.

“Oh she’s fucking good. That’s not you. And that’s not Nate.”

“What has she done? She’s hired people to re-enact that night. I’m going to kill her.”

“You won’t get chance to!”

The video showed ‘Leo’ on the floor being punched by a man similar looking to Nate. Whilst ‘Nate’ stood in the corner observing the bloodied fight.

“As you can see your honor, Mr Cooper was stood in the corner next to me. He didn’t touch Leo just like he said yesterday.”

The head of the jury, whispered to the judge. Riley tried to lip read what was being said- but couldn’t work it out. Her heart was going ten to the dozen now. She was emotionally knackered.

“Thank you for your evidence Miss Chambers. I think we have enough. You may sit down, as should you Miss Graham. The jury will not be making a decision today regarding the verdict- due to this new evidence. Miss Chambers we will need to keep your phone as evidence until the jury have made a decision. Do you understand?”

“Yes your honor.”

‘Miss Chambers’ sat down, looked at Nate who mouthed to her - thank you. She smiled softly at him, then returned her daggers to Leo and Riley before giving her usual smirk.

“Court is adjourned. And dismissed today. We will contact the relevant parties when we have a verdict. You may all be dismissed.”

******

Riley and the friends walked out of court. Leo explained to the others about the reasoning behind Riley’s outburst. Bastien joined them. He encouraged Leo to demand that Liam got here now, along with Olivia as she was mentioned in court.

Riley just stood frozen, all their effort had gone to shit. She needed a cigarette. She knew it was bad and that it wouldn’t take the full pain away. Leo joined her. Bastien avoided their gaze, he knew it was none of his business but still didn’t agree with the bad habit.

Riley saw the woman in the corner of her eyes. She began to shout.

“Hey!”

There was no response. Riley flung the cig on the floor not giving a shit if she got a fine for littering.

“Hey! Don’t you dare walk away from me!”

The friends looked concerned, as Riley’s lack of energy soon turned into full blown adrenaline.

“Madeleine I mean it! Fucking stop walking away from me!”

Riley ran after the woman. Catching up to her. She pulled her wig off then pulled her hair- bringing her face closer to hers.

“What is your fucking problem? How dare you come to my city and cause shit!”

“Oh Lady Riley. Do you own this city?”

“It’s my fucking city and you’re trespassing!”

Leo and Bastien, attempted to pull Riley away from Madeleine. Her tiny fragile frame was now impersonating the hulk- she was too strong. The two men couldn’t restrain her.

“Get the fuck off me you two! I can handle her!”

“Lady Riley, please leave her. She’s not worth it.”

“Oh Riley. You even have Bastien sticking up for you now. Are you planning anymore attention seeking? You really aren’t as perfect as you think you are. No wonder Nate hit you....”

Riley pulled her arm back, hands fisted in a ball. She aimed right for Madeleine’s nose, then the second punch went straight into her jaw.

“Stay the fuck away from me, my city and my friends, Madeleine. Or I swear to god i will damage that perfect face of yours more... that was just the start!”

Bastien intervened grabbing Madeleine, whilst Leo picked Riley up slinging her over his shoulder. She was kicking and screaming for him to let her go.

“Ri, you’ve done enough. Just leave her. We don’t want you getting arrested. Bastien will sort her out.”

Leo said as he cupped her cheeks. His eyes pleading with her to calm down. She eventually broke down in tears- Leo gently wiped them away using his suit. Riley eventually calmed down and thanked Leo.

“Come on, let’s get you back. I’ll run you a bath. We can all watch a movie together. Go ahead with the girls and Daniel. I’ll find Bastien.”

******

Leo rung Liam, he backed out of telling him the real reasoning of his call. He just ended the call saying - The sentencing has been adjourned.. due to new evidence.

“Leo, ring him back now. He needs to get here as soon as possible!”

“Bastien, she will kill me for going behind her back. You’ve just witnessed what she’s capable of. I love my face too much, it couldn’t deal with anymore damage.”

“NOW PRINCE LEO!”

“Fine.”

Leo dialled his brother’s number again.

“Li, you have to get here now. Everything has gone to shit. I’m not going to lie.”

“I was wondering when you was going to ring back. I don’t need you to tell me what to do. Myself and Olivia have already set off. See you soon. I’ve booked a penthouse for myself and Riley. Send me Lola and Daniel’s address.”

“Will do. See ya.”

Leo looked over at Bastien, he knew Bastien would have contacted Liam himself eventually.

“He’s the brother with sense Bast. He and Olivia have already set off. Good job we sent the royal jet back when we arrived eh?”

Bastien looked the Prince shaking his head. Yes thank god for Liam, he thought. The two men caught up with the rest of group.

****

Madeleine went back to her room, staring into the mirror disgusted. Her fingers ran over her newly disfigured face. Fucking commoners- she muttered.

She picked up her phone, she knew she had to update her friend.

“Ki, this plan isn’t going to work. Lady Riley has hit me. Obviously King Liam is going to stand by her. I thought we’d be able to ruin her, and that she would choose to run away again- somewhere new.”

“I’m going to lose Drake. You said this plan would work Maddy!”

“Personally Kiara, I don’t understand why you are so obsessed with the commoner! She’s all for Liam anyway. I can’t handle being a couples counsellor, I’m better than this. If he leaves you so what? He did it to her. I’m leaving this alone now- I’m out! Toodles, darling.”

[oldofbadchoices]

OC INTRODUCTION POST  ―  aileen fawley, charlotte carter-souza, jasmine evans, lulu hargreeves and myria mikaelson

AILEEN FAWLEY in (Don’t Mistake My) Kindness for Weakness  ―  “If your intent was to double-cross me, you picked the wrong cursebreaker”

Aileen Fawley had been quite the troublemaker during her school days which was very unusual for a Hufflepuff but the girl didn’t care much about conforming to people’s expectations back then and she certainly doesn’t now, openly opposing some of Albus Dumbledore’s decisions. After ten years of trying to find her godson, she finally comes across him at the barrier to the platform and can finally begin to make right one of many wrongs.

CHARLOTTE CARTER-SOUZA in Dura Lex   ―  “I’m sorry I didn’t see that something was seriously wrong.”

There was always this belief that Charlie would become a SHIELD agent, like her father and mother  before her or like her grandmother, one of the founders of the organization. That was why, when she decided to go to law school and not work with/for SHIELD, everyone was surprised and for the most part, disappointed. Charlie and her family became estranged, the only people who stuck by her side being her paternal grandparents and her sort-of-but-not-really-cousin, Tony, who she became really close to. Years later, Charlie was married, working for Stark Industries and everything was going fine, when Tony was reported to be missing and not a month later, her husband Daniel also went missing while looking for Tony. It was the beginning of the end

JASMINE EVANS in Make It All Better  ―  “I don’t care if the bloody Queen asked for him, the only way I’m letting him go is if you pry him out of my cold dead hands”

Jasmine always felt ordinary, being the middle child always made her feel that way but when she found out she had magic, she was finally special. That quickly changed when, the year after, her younger sister Lily also got a letter, but, even though she was a little upset at first, Jasmine was happy for her sister, the same could not be said for Petunia, who from that moment on, made sure to ignore or insult her sisters whenever possible. Jasmine hadn’t really made friends on her first year at Hogwarts, she hung out with a lot of different people, that changed when the self-proclaimed Marauders decided that she would be their friends, at first so James could get on Lily’s good graces but eventually, they formed a strong and true friendship. Which made the hurt much worse when Jasmine found out James and Lily dead on Halloween, but if some people thought her emotionally fragile state would make her more easy to manipulate, they were dead wrong.

LULU HARGREEVES in (Take My Mind And) Take My Pain  ―  “If you two fatally injure each other, just know I won’t be healing you up”

Number Eight never thought she was important, her father’s treatment of her added to the fact that she ranked behind the powerless one in the family were the main motivations for her departure from the Umbrella Academy as soon as she turned eighteen years old. Now a successful veterinarian, Lulu’s self-esteem is the better it ever was but will it survive going back to the house she grew up in? Knowing her father was dead at least gave her some hope it might.

MYRIA MIKAELSON in (This Is My) Roaring Twenties  ―  “My husband and I were wondering if you’d like to join us somewhere more... private, Mr. Salvatore”

Myria Mikaelson was married to Niklaus Mikaelson as a way to further ensure peace between the Vikings and the wolf packs, she expect a brutish husband that wouldn’t care about her but was met with a caring man who, with time, came adore her and she ended up falling in love with him. She certainly never expected to become a vampire or to be cursed by her mother-in-law along with her husband. But that was all in the past and with no prospect of breaking their curse anytime soon, Niklaus, Myria and Rebekah were currently stationed in Chicago, once again hiding from Mikael, when Stefan Salvatore and a simple suggestion from Klaus changed them forever.

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Going Down the List #4: ‘Les Huguenots’, Montpellier, 1990

As any of you who have been following me for a long time know, this is one of my favorite operas and I am on a quest to find and watch every available filmed production of this opera. As such, this is my eighth production of Huguenots, and I think the best one I've seen. Here goes:

First things first, any review of a production of this opera has to include some commentary about cuts. I’m happy to say that there are very few of them, the most notable of which is the entire Act III ballet, which still isn’t a huge loss. There are minor cuts elsewhere, such as a section of the Raoul/Marguerite duet that I frequently forget exists (the section, not the whole duet), a small cut in the Act I window scene, a couple tiny cuts in ‘O beau pays de la Touraine’, and some of the Act III finale. Urbain’s Act II aria was omitted as well, but since it was an insert aria in the first place, I don’t see it as that huge of a loss even though I do love it and prefer when it is included.

Also, a warning: the video quality is not great. It’s not horrible, but it’s definitely not ideal. It’s still decent, though, especially for what I’m assuming is an upload of a video ripped from a 1990s TV broadcast of an official in-house recording. There are no subtitles either, which really stinks.

With that out of the way, the production: I’d overall describe it as ‘traditional minimalist with really wonderful direction’.

The sets are where the ‘minimalist’ part comes from: there are only really two sets, one of which is almost entirely white and the other of which is almost entirely black. The sets are slightly modified for each scene, but the first set is essentially ‘huge staircase (most of the time also featuring a couple long tables and a ridiculous number of chairs)’ and the second is essentially a huge open space with black walls, a lot of graffiti that is mostly illegible, and some cut-out door openings. Although personally, I’d prefer a little more detail and variety, I do overall like the sets and I think they work well.

The costumes are beautiful period fashion; the problem with them, however, is that apparently the costume designer thought it would be a good idea to dress large groups of people exactly the same. This is especially a problem with the various Catholic noblemen, to the point where it took me a few minutes to figure out who was playing Nevers because all the Catholic noblemen in Act I wore the exact same outfit. (Perhaps this would have been less of a problem if the video quality were better.) Still, they are gorgeous costumes.

If I had to describe the direction in five words, they’d be, “nuanced, vivacious, and emotionally intense”. I especially love how much the chorus actually moves! That may sound silly, but it’s nice to have an actual street riot in Act III or a frenzied, whipped-up mass of Catholic nobles declaring anathema on the Huguenots in Act IV instead of having the chorus just stand there and sing prettily. The chorus also does an excellent job of reacting in general: they laugh at Nevers’ witty comments, they enthusiastically respond to the calls for a massacre, they recoil in horror when Raoul details the scenes of death and destruction. And the way the ending was staged─ you just had to rip out my heart, didn’t you? That’s all I’ll say about that.

There are some togetherness issues between the onstage forces and the pit; however, these are relatively minor. The orchestra (and its soloists) are very good; the chorus is amazing. Whether it’s a particularly fortuitous sound balance or just a really present chorus, they are always a force to be reckoned with on a scale I don’t think I’ve even heard on any other recording. And as I mentioned earlier, they’re not just great singers, but also great actors. Same goes for the various small roles, with a special shoutout to the six supporting Catholic nobles, who all sound good, look good, and work together very well.

Now for the seven leads:

Danielle Borst was a very adorable Urbain who happened to be dressed like she was from The Addams Family or something (including what appeared to be a very unfortunate black bobbed wig). Regardless, she was all cheer and enthusiasm in the classic trouser-role mold (along with the obligatory flirting with everyone) with a really, really fantastic voice, and she lit up the stage whenever she was on it, whether she was standing on a table or chugging a bottle of wine (during ‘O beau pays’) or spying on the ladies-in-waiting from under a sheet. Her ‘Nobles seigneurs, salut’ in particular was one of the best I’ve ever heard, and I think it’s really a shame she didn’t get a shot at ‘Non, vous n’avais jamais, je gage’.

Marc Barrard was a fantastic Nevers. His voice is really nice and lyrical and beautiful, although owing to the fact that the role is a) relatively short and b) doesn’t have any big solos or even small ensembles, he didn’t get much of a chance to show it off. As a result, as with all baritones playing this role, whether his performance succeeded or not depended on his dramatic skill. He delivered. Depending on what was happening, he was extremely flamboyant, official, gentle, and/or morally outraged— and he managed to do that without overacting, which I appreciate.

Jean-Pierre Courtis absolutely nailed it as the Comte de Saint-Bris. His voice is not particularly subtle, but then again, the character isn’t either. What his voice is is commanding and surprisingly beautiful. Seriously. It’s gorgeous. As he should, he absolutely dominated the Conspiracy Scene and came across as very cold, no-nonsense, but still intensely devoted to his country, his faith, and his own ideas about how they should be─ in short, absolutely fanatical. And I said earlier I wouldn’t give away any details about the staging of the ending, but I will here: after discovering his dying daughter, he did something I haven’t seen any other Saint-Bris do that just wrenched my heart: he walked (or to be more precise, backed) offstage. It was pretty ambiguous, but I think it’s the only portrayal I’ve seen that suggested he didn’t really regret anything he did.

Anyway, they were both awesome.

Ghyslaine Raphanel definitely did right by Marguerite de Valois. Her voice is very light and may take some getting used to (it did for me), but overall it’s a beautiful sound that I think works well for this part. In particular, she has some serious coloratura chops, which she took every opportunity to display (including by far the longest ‘O beau pays’ cadenza I have ever heard). She’s also very good at playing the young, charismatic, beautiful royal who wants peace and love but is completely detached from reality, to the point where she still can’t believe what’s happening even when Raoul tells her about the massacre in Act V, scene 1 (the scene ends with her climbing the staircase, turning around, and looking at all the Huguenot noblewomen as if to say ‘…I have no clue what the hell just happened’).

I really loved John Macurdy’s performance as Marcel. His basic voice isn’t my favorite by any means, but I can absolutely say it’s a good voice, with particularly strong low notes. And he’s a great actor! I especially loved his ‘Piff, paff’, for this exact reason: you can hear the hatred Marcel has for Catholicism and women in the way he sings every word. And he has amazing stage presence: even just a little thing, like a gesture at Raoul or the way he put an arm around Valentine and walked her back into the church in Act III, said so much. In other words, he may not be my favorite bass, but he’s a good singer and a virtually perfect dramatic match for the part.

Nelly Miricioiu was a wonderful Valentine de Saint-Bris. Personally, I love her voice although there are some things about it I could see people not liking. Nevertheless, it’s a gorgeous voice that fits the role well, and she’s amazing at everything she does, especially in her two big duets and the final scene. She’s also a very, very good actress who does one of the best acting jobs I’ve seen in this role, and that is no shabby feat, especially in the eyes of yours truly (who once wrote several pages about her character development and posted it on this very blog, although almost no one read it lol). That development I talked about, from very anxious, fragile, and shy to boldly defiant? She absolutely got it.

Gregory Kunde was absolutely phenomenal as Raoul de Nangis. His voice is pretty much perfection in this role, which is especially an achievement considering how many ways the part is demanding─ he has lyric moments and huge dramatic ones alike, and let’s not forget all the insanely high notes! But he nailed it, especially the two arias, which are both very hard in very different ways. Also, his acting was on point: I got all the little bits of his personality─ the romantic dreaminess, the idealism, the moral outrage, the impulsiveness, the stubbornness, all of it. There are so many good little details, from his frequent hesitations at drinking to the fact that even though there’s a massacre going on and he’s trying to rescue the Huguenot nobles, he still takes a few seconds at the end of his Act V aria to bow to Marguerite (and be like, ‘uh, sorry for ruining your big party’) before rushing out. Bravo!

Overall Verdict: Definite recommend; this would be a great first production for anyone wanting to watch this opera, albeit with two caveats: one, there are no subtitles (but I’d be more than happy to send anyone the French-English libretto I have on Google Drive), and two, this production may ruin you for others that are…not of the same quality. 😉

Up next: Due to ongoing difficulties with the Internet at my house, I am going to have to suspend this series until further notice, but as soon as I can, I’ll be doing the 2019 Il trovatore from Beijing!

[starwarsnonsense]

Top 10 Films of 2018 (So Far)

Since I quite like continuing old traditions, I wanted to do a post rounding up what I consider to be the ten best films of 2018 so far. This list includes a few films that came out in 2017 in the US, since they were only released here in the UK this year.

Have you seen any of the films I cover below? Have I piqued your interest in a title you might not have heard before? Let me know, and do share your favourites too!

1. Annihilation, dir. Alex Garland

This was my most anticipated film of the year, and my hype for it was more than rewarded. This is a marvellously rich and transporting science fiction film that isn’t afraid of taking the viewer to some very weird places. However, Annihilation doesn’t simply rely on its strangeness to succeed - it is also firmly rooted in its characters and themes, which has made it incredibly rewarding to return to. Natalie Portman is fantastic as Lena, and Annihilation is a brilliant showcase for her - Lena is a complex and frequently self-destructive character, riddled by guilt and regrets that shape the pulsating, luminescent world of the mysterious ‘Shimmer’ that she has to venture into. The Shimmer might seem like an environmental phenomenon at first, but it’s really more psychological, being a space that adapts according to the people who enter into it. This film overflows with fascinating and thought-provoking ideas, and it was entirely worth the hike I made over to Brooklyn to catch one of the final showings at the theatre (since Annihilation was denied a theatrical release in the UK, I made a point of seeing it while I was on holiday in New York). I think it will go down as one of the great science fiction films, and it belongs in the same conversations as 2001: A Space Odyssey and Solaris.

2. Beast, dir. Michael Pearce

This little British film - shot mostly on location in Jersey by a first-time director - was easily the biggest (and best) surprise I’ve had so far at the cinema this year. I literally had no idea this film existed until a day or so before I watched it, and that made the experience of viewing it even more wonderful. Moll (Jessie Buckley) is an isolated young woman who is stifled by her controlling family and quiet life on a remote island, as well as a secret sin that bubbles away underneath the surface. Her life is predictable - safe, repetitive and dull - until she meets Pascal, a mysterious local man who she finds she has an affinity with. However, there is a murderer haunting the island, taking the lives of young girls in the night. Who’s to blame, and what impact will the killings have on Moll and Pascal’s swiftly escalating romance? While that is a synopsis more than a review, I felt it necessary to explain the premise to try and compel you to seek this one out. Beast is raw, woozy and utterly absorbing - the love story between Moll and Pascal is one of the most passionate and gripping you’ll ever see on screen, and their chemistry is simply sensational. There’s a real gothic, fairy-tale edge to the story which appealed perfectly to my (admittedly rather niche) tastes. This is a real hidden treasure of a film - do yourself a favour and make it your mission to watch it.

3. Lady Bird, dir. Greta Gerwig

This film was so, so relatable, despite my not really having experienced an adolescence anything like “Lady Bird’s”. While the details of her life are very different from mine, I think anyone can relate to the sweeping brushstrokes - the tensions that can arise between parents and children, the thirst for freedom and independence that builds the closer you get to the final days of school, and the feelings of love and loyalty that are always there even when they’re unspoken. Greta Gerwig captures all of this and so much more with marvellous delicacy, balancing little moments that add colour and spark with more serious scenes so deftly that it’s amazing to think that this is her first feature. Lady Bird is a very specific and very beautiful film, and it’s special precisely because it feels universal even as it feels small and personal to its director. 

4. Eighth Grade, dir. Bo Burnham

This is the perfect double bill with Lady Bird, and the people who have dubbed this film “Lady Bird Jr” are right on the money. Elsie Fisher has a real star turn as the heroine Kayla, who is a very special child - she’s kind, sensitive and thoughtful, which basically means she’s my kind of superhero. But even as she is a good and sweet person, she is also going through all of the trials you’d expect a 13 year old to be facing in 2018, as she wrestles with acne, confusing feelings about super-dreamy boys, and the escalating anxiety that comes with a comment-free Instagram post. Like Lady Bird, this film succeeds in being both very specific and highly universal - the only social media I had to deal with as a teen were MySpace and Bebo, and I found that seeing Kayla wrestle with a whole kaleidoscope of feeds, devices and platforms made her strong grip on her integrity as a  funny and deeply warm-hearted individual all the more remarkable. Bo Burnham, as with Gerwig, made a pretty incredible film here - in particular you should watch out for the father/daughter dynamic, which is my favourite part. Eighth Grade is funny and generous, and the perfect medicine if you’re feeling demoralised by the state of the world right now.

5. The Breadwinner, dir. Nora Twomey

The Breadwinner is a really lovely animated film telling the story of Parvana, a young girl living with her family under the Taliban. When her father is taken off to prison, Parvana sees no other choice but to dress as a boy to provide for her mother and siblings. But how long will her disguise last? The story here was what really gripped me - it’s very simple, in both the telling and the themes, but it is truly beautiful in that simplicity. The emotions are very raw, and this film goes to some shockingly dark places at times - while I think it can be watched with children as long as they are mature enough for some challenging themes and upsetting moments, it’s likely to speak most strongly to adult audiences with a fuller appreciation for the context in which the film is set. It’s a great and moving alternative to more mainstream animated efforts, and is well worth your time.

6. Phantom Thread, dir. Paul Thomas Anderson

This was a delightfully twisted film with an absorbingly complicated and twisty relationship at its centre. Vicky Krieps is an absolute marvel as Alma, and it’s wonderful to see how she battles to bring the fragile and austere designer  Reynolds Woodcock (Daniel Day-Lewis) to heel. It’s also a beautiful film with rather fabulous fashions - if you love couture, particularly from the ‘50s, this will be a real treat. I also appreciated the many allusions to classic cinema - there are strong shades of Hitchcock’s Rebecca, as well as the underrated David Lean film The Passionate Friends. Check this out if you like your romantic dramas weird and entirely unpredictable.

7. Revenge, dir. Coralie Fargeat

Revenge is angry, sun-soaked and batshit insane - and it is pretty great for all of those reasons. It follows Jennifer, the teenage mistress of a sleazy married man. After a horrifying assault Jennifer returns, phoenix-like, to wreak her revenge upon her attackers. This movie was very much inspired by exploitation flicks, with their penchant for showing scantily clad (and frequently bloody) women wielding shotguns to hunt down the brutes who did them wrong. However, first-time director Coralie Fargeat takes every one of those tropes and owns them, ramping up the blood and giving the action a propulsive energy that keeps you gripped even as you know exactly where things are going. The soundtrack here is also one to look out for - it’s all pulsating synths that do a great job of building the suspense and tension from the get-go.

8. Lean on Pete, dir. Andrew Haigh

This is a very painful film in many ways, but it’s only painful because it does such a great job of earning your emotional investment. The lead of this film is Charley, a sensitive and quiet teenage boy who becomes attached to an ailing race horse as he seeks to escape his troubled home-life. When he finds himself in crisis, Charley takes the horse and they head off on a journey across the American heartland. Charlie Plummer is extraordinary as the lead here - Charley is the kind of character that makes you want to reach through the screen so you can offer him a hug of reassurance and support. The photography of the American countryside is exquisite, and means this film really deserves to be seen on the big screen - the breadth of the landscape gives all of the emotional drama some (richly deserved, in my view) extra punch.

9. You Were Never Really Here, dir. Lynne Ramsay

This is a very weird film (you’re probably noticing a theme at this point) but it’s completely absorbing. It’s very much actor-led, and the film rests on the shoulders of Joaquin Phoenix’s gripping and unpredictable performance - in some scenes he’s muttering in deference to his mother like a modern-day Norman Bates, while in others he’s portrayed almost as a lost boy in an overgrown body, disorientated by his environment and engaging in acts of extreme violence as if in a sort of trance. The narrative is fuzzy and unfocused, but I didn’t find that mattered much since I was too busy following every evolution of Phoenix’s face.

10. Thoroughbreds, dir. Cory Finley

Olivia Cooke and Anya Taylor-Joy make fantastic foils to one another as two appallingly privileged teenagers whose obscene wealth is only matched by their resounding lack of morals. This is a film that plays with your loyalties, trying to wrong-foot you at every turn - it’s frequently difficult to figure out what’s genuine here, and while that did sometimes leave me feeling a bit emotionally detached that’s usually the point. This film is more of an intellectual puzzle than a lean, mean, emotion-extracting machine (see: Lean on Pete), and it succeeds brilliantly on that level. The simplicity of the story means the fun lies in picking apart lines and expressions, so go in prepared for some close viewing.

[yanceyrenee-blog]

Chapter 20 Something to Discuss Learning to Love

Hannah is waiting for them.

“ How was it? What is the Team like?”

“ It was fun. His Team is great. They all have strong personalities but they are sweethearts inside.”

‘ That is pretty cool.”

“ Yes, mom we have something to discuss with you.”

“ Sounds serious.”

“ It is. Ah, let’s sit.” Hannah takes a seat in the chair while Daniel and Grace sit on the couch across from her.

“ Okay, well Daniel is heading back to Virginia in 38 days. I have thought of three options to handle this reality. One, I can stay here and we see each other when we can.  Two, I that I move to Virginia. Or three,”.  she hesitates getting her nerves together,” we get married.”

“ Married? Before he leaves?’

“ Well yes. I, ah, we can’t do one. So I will be moving to Virginia.”

“ Good,” her mom promptly says,” Grace you are twenty years old. It is about time you start living your life. We will miss you, But I am so excited for  you. To see your life really starting.”

“ Even if I choice option three?”

“ Yes, I think it  is a little soon. But, I also think he is perfect for you. You are for each other. Marriage will work for you. I believe that.”

“ Wow!” Grace never expected to hear that from her mom.

“ You are making better decisions than I did. It will be fine.”

“ Thanks mom. I was a bit concerned about your reaction.”

“ I am fine. You may need to be more worried about Luke's reaction.”

“ Oh man. Luke!”

“ It will be Okay. Grace, if you choose to get married you need to let me know soon. Weddings take a while to plan.”..

“ Okay mom. You will let me sleep on it?’

“ Yes Grace,” Daniel says speaking up for the first time.

“ Of course dear.” her mom adds.

“ Okay, I am going to take a bath or shower. Give you guys time to talk.” she says as she gets up and walks out.

Hannah turns to Daniel.

“ You will take care of my daughter.” It is both a question and an order.

“ Yes ma’am.”

“ I do trust you.. It is just Grace is so fragile.”

“ I know and if I could take away her memories of what her “ father” did to her I would. Since I can’t I promise to protect her physically, emotionally, and spiritually, in every way.”

“ Yes. You are exactly what my Grace needs.”

“ And she is exactly who I need.”

“I know it has only been six days and this may sound crazy, but, I pray she chooses to marry you.”

“ Thanks. Me too.”

For her part, Grace stands in the shower, thinking about marriage, weddings, flower girls, rings, gowns, marriage!

“ Oh Lord, Is this what I am supposed to do? Please make it clear. Give me a major sign because I am scared to death. I love him. That isn’t the issue. I want to be with him. But marriage. You know why that word is so scary for me. So please Lord, make this clear.” 

She gets out and dresses in a long flannel nightgown and walks back into the living room.She finds her mom and Daniel in the middle of an  intense conversation. They both look up when she comes in.

“ Am I interrupting?”

“ No baby. Your mom just told me that she hopes you choose option three.”

She looks to her mom with wide eyes.

“ I do Grace. It seems to soon to me but,maybe this is God’s timing.”

“Really.” Grace replies as she sinks down on the couch beside Daniel.

“ Yes really. I will pray on it. I know that you will too. Just don’t disregard His leading out of fear.”

“ Wow. I still need to sleep on it. Daniel, will you stay until I am asleep?”

He looks to Hannah. She nods.

“ Yes I will baby.”

“ Okay, I am Going to bed. I have some thinking to do. I love you mom.”

“ I love you too.”

She walks upstairs with Daniel in a trance. She climbs into bed, her eyes a million miles away.”

“ Grace, what is it?”

“ Mom,” she whispers,” I think she just answered a prayer. I prayed for a sign that marriage was the right thing. I think that might have been it.”

He smiles at her.

“ But I still want to sleep on it.”

“ Of course baby.”

“ Daniel would it be inappropriate to ask you to hold me?”

he looks at her, his eyebrows up.

“ Over the covers.” she quickly adds.

“ Okay.”

He climbs beside her and snuggles her close to his chest. She relaxes completely against him and sighs in contentment.

“ I could have this every night if I am brave.” she thinks closing her eyes. He bends down and kisses the top of her head. She lifts her head searching for his lips.

“ No baby. Not in this situation. Not when we are lying in bed together.”

“ Makes sense.” 

“ Good night my love. Sleep well.”

“ Good night Daniel. I love you.”

“ I love you.”

She fully relaxes against him. He strokes her hair as she relaxes towards sleep. He gently slips off the bed.

 Is she asleep?” Hannah asks when he reenters the living room.

“ Yes. I pray She sleeps soundly without nightmares.

“ Me too, I am so thankful you are here for. That she has someone who makes her feel safe.”

“ I am too.“

“ Do you think she will marry you?” “ I think she is leaning that direction. Doesn’t it concern you? I mean we have only known each other six days.”

“ NO, and this is why. If I didn’t see how perfect you are for each other. You were made for each other. Just as sure as Adam and Eve were. That is what I believe.”

“ Yes. Me too. I am surprised to hear you feel that way though.”

“ Why? I have seen how you two are together. And more important, I have seen the change  in Grace. She is a different person since Sunday. There is joy and hope where there wasn’t before. You are, beyond any doubt, who she needs.”

“ That is a strong endorsement..”

“ I mean every word.”

“ Thanks. I am going now. I will see y’all in the morning.”

“ Okay good night.”

“ Good night Hannah. Have a blessed night. Call if y’all need me.”

“ Will do.”

[room666]

Top 10 Memorable Scenes Of 2016

Along with great films comes sometimes ever greater scenes. This year I broke down 10 of my favorite. These are all my personal favorite and are on this list because I haven’t stopped thinking about them since I saw them in the dark room with the giant shining light where I do my worship. These scenes are Heaven and film is God.

10. Morris From America (Car Ride) Of all the films I saw this year, Morris From America was one of the best surprises. Chad Hartigan’s coming of age tale about a young American boy growing up in Germany with his single father played brilliantly by Craig Robinson is the perfect examination of the loneliness of growing up and being grown up. In a key scene from the film Morris, played by Markees Christmas, has gone out of town with some new friends and gets stranded when he no longer wants to follow the group and starts getting taunted. His father has to come pick him up and the car ride in which Robinsons character explains to Morris all about his own loneliness and sense of sadness with being out of place in Germany is a beautiful revelation for both characters. It’s one of the best things Craig Robinson has done. The sadness and loneliness that we all feel but never can convey is brought out wonderfully in this conversation. As children we assume our parents could never understand our loneliness and as parents we aren’t sure how to connect with our kids but this scene shows that conversations can move mountains and break down barriers.

9. American Honey ( Star Grows Up) American Honey is like if Andrea Arnold was able to capture the wild excitement and the unstable emotional state of the youth of America. Throughout the film you follow Star, played by newcomer Sasha Lane, who is a young Midwestern girl who isn’t exactly living the best life. She and her younger siblings dig through trash cans for food while she also deals with sexual advances from her absent mothers boyfriend. It’s a situation you want her to get out of but what way out is there? Star comes across a van of misfits and lowlifes lead by king rat tail, Shia LaBeouf as Jake in an unusually good performance, who go door to door selling magazines. Star joins this merry band of arm pit stains and sets off on a literal journey to self discovery. The final scene displays the group dancing around a camp fire like some tribe of young stoners who worship Rihanna and it’s a mesmerizing site. Jake and Star and the rest of the group dance around the fire and sing songs as if it’s their most natural state. Jake pulls Star to the side and hands her a little turtle. Throughout the film Jake has been giving Star gifts but it’s mostly to disguise the fact that he’s really taking more away from her. The mind games he plays with himself and her are leaving Star emotionally confused and scarred. She takes the turtle and sets it back in the lake and even taking a dip in it herself. The scene plays like a baptism of sorts, allowing Star to let go of the childish games and relationships and start to become herself, whatever that may be.The scene doesn’t guarantee that Stars life gets better or that she even learned what she needed to from her interactions with Jake and the rest of the crew but it shows one persons internal growth in a masterful way.

8. Swiss Army Man (One Last Fart) Throughout Dan Kwan and Daniel Scheinert’s brilliant Swiss Army Man you are subjected to Daniel Radcliffe as a farting corpse named Manny and Paul Dano as the miserable loser Hank who finds his body washed up on the shore of a random island he choose to kill him self on. After Hank uses Manny as a speed boat he ends up in the wilderness with the need to survive and the only way he can is with the help of Manny and his many uses. He can chop wood and shot bullets out of his mouth and everything else like some ummm… Multi Purpose Dude?…. NO! Like a Swiss Army Man! Throughout the film Hank displays an unhealthy obsession with a female character named Sarah, played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead, we only see in flashbacks or pictures. You come to find out that, even though he has a picture of her as his screen saver, Hank has actually never talked to her and has been too scared and shy to really function as a socially expectable human being. When we get to the end and Hank ends up in Sarah’s backyard and finally on a beach where he’s already been outed as an obsessive stalker he lets out a fart and declares very proudly it was him who farted and in a lesser film Sarah’s reaction would be one of Joy and maybe she would have even entertained dating him seeing that as his self discovery but not in this film. Sarah and her husband a long with the rest of the crowd gathered on the beach watch in horror and never excuse the behavior. It throws the whole idea of all you have to do is be yourself and you’ll get the girl right out the fucking window. Sarah and the audience know Hank has a problem and regardless of how whimsical and cute it is, it’s a problem and he needs help and she or any woman of your dreams for that matter isn’t the answer and shouldn’t be forced to be your savior. Hank is off but he’s growing and watching Manny smile and fart his way up the ocean waves as everyone watches in disgust and horror and Hank,who stares and smiles knowing he saved a life,was one of the funniest and heartbreaking moments I’ve seen all year.

7. The VVitch ( Unholy bond with Black Phillip) Robert Eggers delivered one of the best horror films to come out in a long time. A slow burn of a film that deals with a family living out in the woods in 1630s New England. The family is cast out of their community and forced to live out in the woods where an evil presence lurks. The Witch is about liberation. It’s about freeing yourself from the shackles of society with all their religion and rules for how one should act. It is especially a tale of liberation concerning Anya Taylor-Joy’s character Thomasin. She’s carried down by the weight of her responsibilities within her family. A role she didn’t ask for but is expected of her since she is a growing young woman. She must watch after the kids and clean the house and cook and do all the things her families religion and society has assigned to her. Throughout the film an evil lurks in the woods in the form of a witch. You know you’re in for some fucked up shit when the film starts with a naked lady cutting open a baby and bathing in its blood. You don’t see all the gory details but you get the feeling that living out in the woods in New England during the 1630s was a pretty stupid idea. The scene I want to talk about is the ending of the film. An ending that pretty much will make or break what you thought of the film up to that point. The ending in which Thomasin pledges an alliance with Black Phillip, the goat who Thomasins younger siblings claim to be the Devil earlier in the film and Thomasin brushes it off, and follows him into the woods to find a camp fire of witches laughing and screaming until all at once they start to lift towards the sky in what is one of the best visual representations of liberation I’ve seen. Now, I’m not saying this movie got me to denounce God and start worshipping the Devil but it did.

6. Jackie ( Assassination Scene )

Pablo Larrain has knocked the biopic on its head with this amazing psychological horror film and Natalie Portman gives the performance of her career playing Jacqueline Kennedy in her most vulnerable and fragile moments. The key scene in question is the sun in which this film revolves around. The assassination scene could have been done in a very exploitive and classless way in the hands of a lesser film maker. The fact that we can actually see footage of the event only adds to pressure surrounding the scene. We all pretty much have watched the film footage. It’s morbid and violent and chaotic and it satisfies the worst of our voyeuristic tendencies. This could have been done in a way that glorifies the scene as some action set piece head shot but Larrain films the scene with a real heavy grace, dropping you in the car with a loud BANG! we are chaos and panic and we’ve landed right on Jackie and you feel as she pushes and struggles with us as we tear through the scene like a bullet creating uncertainty and dread. Every awkward movement and confused look is captured perfectly in this scene and it’s like we are seeing it for the first time and really feeling the weight of it.

5. La La Land ( Traffic Jam )

The opening scene of Damien Chazelle’s spectacular film La La Land is pretty much the opening scene to your life if you live in LA. Being stuck in traffic is hell but almost everyone of those people, honking and shouting, are here because they have a dream and trying to successfully realize that dream can make life one huge traffic jam. This glorious musical sequence is made all the more spectacular by being done in what is made to look like one unbroken long take that slips and glides up down the 105 as morning commuters dance and sing as if though Los Angeles is the casting director for Hollywoods latest big budget musical. They don’t make them like this anymore and Chazelle makes the case that as long as you know what you’re doing and you have a passion for film musicals can still be relevant and fresh but still remind us of the optimism and joy of early Hollywood. The scene encompasses everything about the film. Ambition, talent, and guts. You gotta have them to make it in La La Land and you gotta have them to think you can open a film like La La Land with a musical number as ambitious as this.

4. Captain America : Civil War ( Airport Scene )

The Russo Brothers snuck into my brain and unlocked my comic book geek dreams and wildest fantasies and used that collective knowledge to create not only one of the greatest superhero films of all time but one of the all time greatest superhero film scenes ever put on screen. I can write pages and pages about this scene and every little detail that was done correctly and with such care that it made me cry but I am just going to remind you that Spider Man is the best he’s ever been on screen in his brief moments in this film. Ant- Man and Paul Rudd as Ant Man is the superhero we didn’t know we needed. HE FUCKING TURNS INTO GIANT MAN! Just go watch the scene. As a matter of fact I’m going to stop typing and you should stop reading and just GO WATCH CIVIL WAR NOW!

3. Moonlight ( End of act 1/ Closing Shot )

What can I say about Moonlight that hasn’t already been said? It’s considered one of the best films of the year and for a very good reason. This beautiful film about self discovery and connection in a world that doesn’t give you a chance to do either of those things for yourself is a master class in subtle filmmaking. Barry Jenkins creates a giant effect with small intimate moments and although he is the cook it is his main ingredients that really bring this dish together. All the actors playing the 3 stages of Chiron’s life are pitch perfect and are supported by an array of brilliant performances. One of those performances belongs to Mahershala Ali, who plays Juan the drug dealer, and gives one of the best performances of the year. The scene in question puts us at Juans home where he lives with his girlfriend, played by Janelle Monae, and it’s the end of act one. We’ve just experienced Juan coming across a young Chiron ,who was being bullied and chased by older kids, and eventually forming a bond. This bond allows young Chiron to not have to go home to his crack addict mother, played by a fantastic Naomie Harris, and use Juans place as a safe haven from her addiction and verbal abuse but what Chiron doesn’t know is that Juan is where his mother gets the drugs that are sending her and his life spinning out of control. In an emotional gut punch of a scene young Chiron walks up to Juan who is sitting at his kitchen table and asks him if he is the one who sells drugs to his mother. What follows is one of the most heartbreaking exchanges I’ve ever seen on film and Mahershala Ali as Juan quietly figuring out in his head what to tell Chiron and eventually telling him the truth is an automatic Oscar in my opinion. Juan’s reluctance to tell Chiron and his eventual feelings of disappointment and anger towards himself are all shown in Ali’s eyes and body language. He never goes for the big scene and makes it larger than life because of it.

2. The Lobster ( David picks up on the Heartless woman while biscuit woman dies on the floor next to them ) In Yorgos Lanthimo’s brilliant relationship satire we follow David, played by Colin Farrell, as he is forced to live in a hotel for 45 days because he is single and being single is outlawed and in order to avoid being turned into an animal after 45 days he must find a partner and create a relationship with them in the hotel. Sounds like every other fucking day, am I right? In this brilliant comedy our characters find love with each other by finding certain traits that each can relate to. For example, a young woman has constant nose bleeds and instead of trying to win her over with a personality, another character decides to bang his head or stab a sharp object into his nose in order to give the impression that he also has constant nose bleeds and wins her over. It’s the perfect metaphor for the way people court each other and try to win each other over with surface and artificial things like being into the same bands or having the same fashion sense. In this key scene David decides he needs to find a partner soon and that he will also need to fake something in order to find her. David finds himself being attracted to The Heartless Woman, played by Angeliki Papoulia who was also in the directors previous film Dogtooth, who is given that nickname because she is mean and has no heart. The scene that really brought this film together and makes it stand out above the rest is a scene where one of the hotel guests has just jumped out of a window in an attempt to kill herself. She lays on the floor all crippled and screaming in pain when David sees this as an opportunity to try and court the heartless woman, he walks up behind her as she sits in a hot tub not very far from the attempted suicide and say’s out loud how he hopes that the lady will die soon so that she stops screaming because it’s really disturbing his day and with that heartless statement he gets a glance from the heartless woman and from there they are a couple. It’s doomed from the start and he knows it but with the pressure on us everyday to find a partner we are willing to go against ourselves to please others and even willing to complain about a dying woman’s screams. It’s hilarious and heartbreaking and dark in ways that give me joy beyond comprehension.

1. Green Room ( Patrick Stewart vs. Anton Yelchin )

Jeremy Saulnier’s punk rock horror film Green Room stands above the rest this year when it comes to thrills and twists you never see coming. It’s a master class in suspense and tension. This isn’t some free for all shoot ‘em up stab 'em frenzy, it’s a calculated cat and mouse game that requires our characters to think before acting. A punk rock band has just witnessed a murder in the green room of the venue they just played that just so happens to be run by a menacing skinhead gang. The bands bassist, played by the late and talented Anton Yelchin, was able to dial the cops on his cell phone before it’s grabbed from his hands and this creates a problem for both parties. Now that the band has seen what they saw the venue can’t exactly let them go but after having the cops called on the venue they can’t exactly just straight up murder these kids so they have to figure something out and they get their help in the form of their quiet but menacing leader Darcy, played by a brilliant Patrick Stewart, who figures out a way to get rid of the band and save face. At this point our band is locked up in the green room holding one of the skinheads hostage while they have his gun and figure out how the hell to get out of there. One punk suggests shooting his way out but this isn’t that movie and our characters know that they could have more guns on the other side and at this point the band believes the cops are on their way to the venue. Enter Darcy who shows up to clean the mess by promising that they will let the band go without harming them as long as they hand over the gun and the person they have in the room safely but the band as well as the audience knows that isn’t the case and it isn’t going to be that simple. What follows is one of the most tense stand offs in cinema history. It’s Anton Yelchin trying to figure out if he should unlock the door and hand over the gun to Patrick Stewart on the other side but it’s a back and forth that has both actors matching wit and verbally trying to knock the other out. It isn’t until the end of the scene that we get a burst of violence and chaos but leading up to that is a strategy game that leaves you at the edge of your seat and asking yourself “ What the fuck would I do in a situation like this?” and then showing you there is no right or wrong answer and you can’t always just go into action hero mode because the situation calls for it. For the most part you just die.

[diamonddeposits]

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

DIAMOND THUG- PURPLE SKIES

Space rock quartet hailing from Johannesburg --Diamond Thug share a haunting ballad titled Purple Skies that entreats the listener with an emotionally charged piano laced soundscape and poigant lyrics. The breathtaking visual treatment directed  Meghan Daniels showcases the powerful bond between two brothers. Watch the treatment--our Video of the Week above and then read the interview we conducted with this fantastic four-piece!

01. Hello! How are you and what is going on?

Oh hi! I’m great, thank you for asking. We are busy soundchecking for a very special show in our city this evening.

02. How did Diamond Thug meet and form their band?

It started as a hip hop project by Danilo and myself but it quickly turned into what we are now, as members joined. Adrian saw us on stage and asked to be the drummer, slowly sneaking onto guitar. Then Ted saw us at a festival and snuck on stage pretending to be Danilo’s cousin and very shortly after became our drummer.

03.  Where are you from and what are some of your favourite things to see and do in your city?

We are from Cape Town and it’s surroundings. Our early days were band practice in my basement in Kommetjie where I was staying at the time. We are so lucky to live in a city surrounded by nature. So most of my favourite things to do are surfing, hiking, rock climbing, picnics and movie nights at the Labia theatre.

04. What was the inspiration behind Purple Skies?

I was staying in Napier which is the countryside just outside of Cape Town when Danilo the bassist sent me the piano line. The words and melody came pretty immediately, I was sitting watching the sunset. It comes from accepting how truly loving someone comes with learning to let go of the fear of losing that person at some point in life. It was written during lockdown, where the conversations we were all having were very deep and intense and sort of heightened the fragility of life.

05. What is the story behind the fantastic video?

We worked with an incredible director named Meghan Daniels, who had photographed us years before. We sat and spoke about the song and what it meant and she told us about the visual idea she had, telling the story of a bond between brothers, mirroring the idea of dealing with loss from the lyrics. We loved the idea, and the way the male-leads could really contrast what is one of our quietest songs. So we gave her free reign. She put an incredible cast and crew together, who all just did an incredible job on the indie band budget we gave them. We’re hosting a screening with the crew and cast tonight before our show.

06. How would you describe your sound?

Space rock / Alternative indie ;)

07. Any sleeping tips for us?

Oh yes! You’ve come to the right place. I happen to be rather into biohacking and holistic health.

Key ones:

Stop screen time 3hrs before bed

Don’t drink anything 2 hrs before bed (avoid needing to wee in the middle of the night)

Limit caffeine from 3pm in the day

Sleep hygiene (the body loves routine!) try go to bed and wake up at the same time every night.

Read before bed

Practice breathing or listening to calm music.

Drink chamomile tea and put some lavender oil on your pillows :)

08. Any local artists in your city that you are loving and would love to tell us about?

There are tons, but right now we’re loving Internet Girl and Manu Grace write some really great songs!

[ecotone99]

[SF] Imperfect Unhumans.

“Most days, I wake up and wonder if the machine has taken over. If today is the day I'll start walking around without control, a passenger in my own body.”

Jacken stroked his daughter’s brown hair as she snuggled against him, careful to use only his human hand. Hilda’s head was laid against his chest, half-off her bed, various tubes and monitors positioned on the other side. Turned away from her, his bulky machine arm hung stiffly, deactivated like all his other parts.

“Is that why you’re always so sad, daddy?”

He smiled sadly at her, wishing inside that he could just make all her worries go away. Little girls shouldn’t have to be worried about their daddies when their own problems were much worse.

“No, honey. They call that having a conscience.”

She struggled with the word, before giving up and not asking, likely determined to look it up herself once he was gone.

“It means I've done bad things and I'm sad about them.”

“Does that make it okay to do bad things? Being sad about them later?”

“No. Not really.”

“Then why did you do them?”

“I keep asking myself that. Maybe the blame is on the people who sent me to war knowing I'd fail. Maybe it's on the people who kept me prisoner and did bad things to me. Maybe the doctor who cut away me and put the machine there. Maybe the machine itself. Or maybe it's me and I don’t want to admit that.”

She puzzled that over, a young girl trying to make sense of concepts and questions that haunted nearly every soldier out there. She looked so small and frail next to her father's bulky form. So fragile. He wanted to hug her, pull her close, but couldn’t, for fear that he might break her.

“Flip a coin on it.”

“Really?”

“Yes. If you can’t figure out who did it, flip a coin on it. It's what May did.”

The mention of Jacken's sister made his chest clench, old anger bubbling to the surface. But he was with the only person he loved in the world, so he forced the venom and bile back down, determined not to show his daughter what a hateful man he had become.

“It’s a nice idea, sweetie, it really is. But life isn’t that easy. We know that.”

“Okay.”

Gently pulling his scarred hand through her hair, he let his child nestle against him, finding some safety in a man she hadn’t known for the first four years of her life. Four years he’d missed and would never get back.

A slow, steady beeping came from a nearby monitor, signalling that it was time for her to rest. Despite being a vibrant bundle of energy when she was awake, his daughter spent most of the day asleep. Unaware and blissfully unfeeling as serums and machines around her tried to fix her body.

His Oone burly arm scooping her up, Jacken drew up the blankets up over her small, stunted legs and tucked her in, bending down to kiss her goodnight as the medication put her under. He stood, reactivating his mechanical parts before carefully picking his way through the room, gazing out at a gloomy sky before pulling the curtains closed.

Looking back at his daughter’s sleeping form, he felt guilt tear into his chest with barbed talons, clawing and accusing.

If only he'd been there when Tanya was pregnant and looked after her. If only he had known he would have a child. If only he hadn’t ran away to fight in some war half a world away.

If only.

Head hanging, he turned and stomped from the room, pausing only to whisper that he loved her when he got to the old oaken door. Turning sideways to get through, he gently pulled it shut behind himself.

“Mother has invited you to dinner.”

The gravelly voice came from nowhere, nearly causing him to flinch in surprise. Careful not to appear surprised, although they both knew he was, he turned to face his 'brother'.

“Richard. Why are you here?” His voice was taut. Tense to the point of snapping.

“Mother has invited you to dinner. Must I repeat myself?”

“No.”

“No? Surely you jest.” The last word had all the dripping scorn in the world forcefully inserted into it, spoken as if to a particuarly stupid kid.

Resisting the urge to grab to grab and throttle the spindly little prick, Jacken took deep, heavy breaths as he forced down his rage. Goddamn machine had left him half a man, but he could still break this smug little prick if he wanted. He had lines, though. And violence this close to Hilda was one he wasn’t about to cross.

“Tell the old crone to take her invitation, spread her fat asscheeks and sit on it.”

Richard blinked.

“You were invited.” He accused, making it sound like the greatest honour in the world.

“I don’t care.” And he didn’t. So far as Jacken was concerned, the old bitch was the entire reason this fucked-up family was as damaged as they were.

Smartly stepping around the corner ahead of them, another Richard curtly smiled and addressed the man standing before Jacken.

“Master. Your presence is needed in the garden. Mis-“

Richard waved him off halfway through.

“Yes, Eighth, I know. I will be there momentarily. Shoo.” Again, he addressed the clone like he was talking to a dog, dismissing him out of hand. The clone vanished down a hallway without another word.

“You must go. You simply cannot refuse. The rules of the house dictate it.” Pulling out a tiny, barely held together yellow book, he waved it at Jacken like it was supposed to intimidate him.

Jacken scoffed at that.

“You still follow the fucking rules? They were made by a mean old bitch to keep young kids in line. Nobody takes them seriously anymore. It's time to grow up, Richard.”

“You. You*. You're a murderer! We let you in our house. You're a disgrace!”*

“Yeah, I probably am. Better than being an emotionally mangled man-child like you. Waited on hand and foot by clones. What do you sort them by anyway? Expiry date?”

Richard's flushed in anger as he glared at Jacken.

“How dare you.”

“I dare.” He growled back. “Call me a murderer, but you're no better. Pretend like they’re not living people all you like, but we both know you’re a worse monster than I'll ever be.”

“Enough.”

They'd gotten so heated that Jacken hadn’t even seen Hans until he was right behind him.

“You were called. Go. If you want your progeny to remain in Josie's care.”

The giant of a man spoke softly and simply, but his tone carried more warning and danger than Richard's red-faced screaming ever could. His bulk filled the entire corridor, head bent to squeeze through. Jacken idly wondered what the old bitch had done to the scientist who made Hans this big. Probably killed him after she got his secrets. So she and she alone had the knowledge.

Lips curling in a snarl, he was about to tell Hans to go fuck himself when it occurred that more of the others might be nearby. Daniel, Shikke, Linda and Walter would all be lurking in other corridors if the old bitch was serious about dragging him to meet her.

Richard, he could break with one hand. Hans was more of a challenge, but he'd bet on himself, if by a slim margin. All the other piling on him, though? Not too good. And the threat against his daughter was clear. If the old hag said it, Josie would stop keeping her stable. Josie always did as she was told. The only decent person in this house, and she had all the willpower of a half-eaten cracker. Then, it wouldn’t matter if Jacken killed the old bitch herself. He would already have lost everything.

Gritting his teeth, he stomped away, making sure to viciously shoulder Richard aside, leaving him muttering at his back and clutching the tattered rulebook.

The old crone wanted to talk? Fine, he'd take all her usual bullshit. Then shove it right down her throat, along with his fist.

***

“Fatter than ever, Bertha. Should I have a card prepared when your stomach staples burst?”

Mother grunted and looked up, regarding him as if eyeing some unsightly vagrant on the street.

“About time. I was worried they removed your brains when they cut off the rest of you.”

“You’ve never been worried about anything but yourself. Don’t pretend otherwise.” Jacken sat in a small, uncomfortable chair, facing the mountain of flesh that called itself Mother in this house.With no hair, crooked teeth and gums swollen with infection, her head reminded the man-machine of a rather nasty arsehole.

“You and your spawn live under my roof. At my expense. Taking valuable time from one of my daughters. But you can’t find it in you to be civil? Shame on you.”

“I can find it in me to be honest. What do you want?”

“A mother can’t see her son without reason?”

His mechanical arms curled around the arm of the chair, slowly crushing it under unfeeling metal.

“You’re no mother of mine. You never have, and never will be. You ruined this house and this family.” Painting a mocking smile on his face, he continued. “So talk all you want, but your words have no hold on me.”

She was showing signs of understanding now. Hidden in the folds of fat that covered her face, but he could still spot them.

“Whatever happened to my sweet boy? You were never this hateful. What changed you.”

“The small, naïve boy learned the truth and couldn’t handle it. So he ran away and went to war, to escape you. But war is a horrible place, and the small, naïve boy died there, replaced by a man. That man came home to find he had a daughter.”

“So I’m to take that your spawn is the only reason I haven’t seen the last of you?”

“Sounds about right.”

“What about the girl's mother?”

“What about her? She’s dead to me.”

“And you’re sure that you don’t need more insightful looks at the situation?” Her voice was soft now, sweet and honeyed. He recognized that tone, faintly. The one she always used to calm them.

He was feeling a bit relaxed now. Maybe the old broad wasn’t as bad as he'd remembered.

“Sure, why not?”

Another smile curled the corner of her lips, almost unnoticeable to the eye.

“Well, to do that, I must have context. Why did you leave?”

A shrug.

“Don’t quite know, honestly. It wasn’t one big reason. Bunch of small stuff adding up over time. Weird things I noticed. How other kids grew up and had some freedom, left home. But you kept us close. Too close. So I left.”

“And shipped off the Russo-Sino war. Where you got captured.”

Her voice was soft, soothing. Comfortable. Safe. Like he could tell her anything.

“I did. Didn’t take long either. Walked right into an ambush in my first month. They killed everyone else, just not me.” He shook his head as if trying to clear something. “Spent the next few months getting tenderized by the chinks. Lemme tell you, little bastards really know how to get in your head. Literally. After they had me beaten down into a lifeless sack of meat..well, the operating table was worse.”

He shuddered somewhat as the memories came bubbling up. She urged him on, her voice making the pain go away.

“Didn’t even have the fucking decency to knock me out before they put me under the scissors. Never screamed so much in my life. Two, three big snips, and I didn’t have my arm and leg anymore. Or some of my organs.”

He held up his mechanical arm, peeling away the shirt to show her the fused flesh.

“Bastards welded that to me. Connected the cables, pulled out some sort of weird welder, and got to work. I was past screaming then. In shock. Heart had stopped a few times. When I came to, I wasn’t myself anymore. Had this thing attached to me. They put something in my head, tried taking it for a test run.” He grinned savagely at the memory. “Bad idea.”

Mother leaned forward, a mildly impressive feat, smiling sweetly. Her voice was as calming as rain on the rooftops, like honey and sunlight distilled into beer.

“So, tell me more about this 'machine' inside you.”

Jacken found that he was nodding, smiling as he had a pleasant chat with his mother.

“Well, to start with, it-“ He paused. “Well, to start-.”

Clearing his throat, he tried again.

“The thing is-.“

There was a burst of pain and red light, a shock going through his system, recordings of the last few minutes playing through his mind in an instant. Something cold and calculating stirred in the part of his brain that wasn’t human anymore.

The sound of wood splintering came from the chair underneath him, the arm of the stool crushed in an instant.

A distorted voice spoke through his mouth.

“Use that power on this body again, and I will burn everything and everyone you love to ashes and scatter them in the wind.”

Then it was gone, just like that.

Holding up a fistful of broken wood, Jacken dropped it before her and stood.

“Jacken died fighting another man's war. He died on the battlefield. He died in the chinese torture chambers. He died on the operating table. All that is left is me. Me and the machine.”

“And the machine sees you and all your honeyed lies.”

***

That night, Jacken did as he did every other night. He sat with his daughter, rough voice talking to her, trying to sing her a lullaby.

But deep inside, he wondered if it was actually him, or the machine.

Did he really want to know?

Holding his daughter close, he decided it was best if that question was never answered.

submitted by /u/lcie_nimbus [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2NU4Sa1

[lexxikitty-blog1]

Under a Falling Star by Jae Read: March 2017 Rating: 2.4 Stars

When I first read this book back in November of 2014, I ended up giving it a rating of 5 stars (well, more accurately, a rating of 4.75, but that still means 5 stars were clicked on). After rereading 4 other Jae books this week, and rating all of them higher than I did for their first read, I had a strong suspicion that this one would be as well – rated higher than first read. I was right that my rating changed. But I now wish to rate this somewhere closer to 2. Before I get into the book or why I thought it being closer to a 2 star work this time, I take a brief break for the only thing I actually wrote in my status updates while reading this book for the second time: When I decided to reread this book, an obvious stand-alone, I did not expect to find that it too was connected to other books. I was both right and wrong – right that it is not connected to that Los Angeles series (Hollywood Series), but wrong since it is connected to the Portland series (that two book cop series). One of the main characters in this book, Austen, is best friends with Dawn – and through her friends with Aidan. Aidan and Dawn are the main characters in the Portland series (though I suspect someone else is the main in the second book in the series, but other than a third name in the book description, a Kade something or other, I didn’t see a specific couple mentioned as the mains in that book; maybe Jae broke her usual practice and actually had more than one book starring the same characters – don’t know, have only read the first book in that Portland series). Right, so, the book. The book opens with two main characters – Austen Brooks and Danielle ‘Dee’ Saunders. Austen is just starting work at a new job, as an administrative assistant (or, as some sometimes say in the book ‘just a secretary’), while Dee is number two in the toy company. The COO – chief operating officer. Before Austen ever meet Dee, she learned – or I should say heard gossip indicating that Dee is basically the worst human who ever existed and is nicknamed ‘Attila’. For some unknown reason, Austen actually uses that nickname to Dee’s face. Didn’t really seem ‘normal’ or ‘in character’ for Austen to do that – she’s strong willed and stubborn, but didn’t get presented as being a gossipy bitch. So her random use of the nickname was odd. As luck would have it, good or bad luck, Austen didn’t actually know that she was using that nickname directly to Dee because she didn’t know ‘the injured woman’s’ name when she used the phrase. Injured woman? Well, backing up – the marketing department have been given the task of decorating the lobby Christmas tree, Austen took on the task because none of the weak assholes in her department would do it. Austen came up with the idea of putting up silver stars which had personal statements on them from everyone in the company – statements about what that individual wished for. I’m mentioning all of this so I can then mention that, with a great deal of reluctance, Dee hung up a star on the tree. Then promptly, because she’s a know-it-all bitch, started redoing the decorations, which caused the top star to fall and slam into her forehead. By weird and unlikely coincidence, Austen was right there and rushed over to help. This included a visit to an emergency room, and Dee’s home to ‘watch over her’. At no time did Dee give her full name and position within the company to Austen. So. Austen has the back-story of: two years before the start of this book a relationship she had been in, with a ‘Brenda’, imploded when it came out that Austen was actually ‘the other woman’ and that Brenda had been cheating on her partner with Austen. Not something Austen knew. Years before that, when Austen was 16 her mother died. This is another ‘warping life’ situation (another in addition to that situation with Brenda). I’d say exactly what I mean but . . . spoilers and stuff. Dee is not an ice queen. An ice queen is cold and emotionally distant – someone who might be bitchy, but in a stern, distant, cold way. No, Dee is way too emotional to be an ice queen (an ice queen might be a bundle of emotion, boiling, rioting emotion - but suppressed, not allowed to be seen by others - Dee has no problem having her emotions seen by others)). She has some of the same characteristics that go along with being one – being thought negatively by those around her, having few or no friends, etc. etc. But Dee is way to fiery and shout-y to be a closed off ice queen. She’s the kind to take out her frustrations on innocent fragile office equipment – she goes through computer mice like she was a hungry snake (and no, she doesn’t eat the mice); she screams loudly at basically everyone around her. She’s a bitch and everyone hates her. Holy fuck that’s a messed up: a) family (Dee’s); b) company. The company is filled with nasty horrible trolls who can’t seem to actually do work – instead they seem to always be wandering the halls bickering and saying the nasty-est gossip about everyone else in the building they can think of. Horrible horrible company. Probably the worst company to work for in Portland, nah, in the USA. Dee’s family? Filled with leaches, alpha male assholes, and the like who treat Dee like underperforming dirt, and ‘a girl’ – and obviously ‘girls don’t’ have a head for business’. Quite frankly this book pissed me off from beginning to end (wow, who would have guess that from what I’ve written so far, eh? Heh). First Austen gets way out of proportionally angry with Dee when the lie of omission occurred (when Dee didn’t immediately scream her name and business title at Austen when they first meet; Dee did try telling Austen during the evening and morning of that ‘emergency event situation’, but Austen kept stopping her from being able to do so; though Dee didn’t try too hard to tell Austen – and did go out of her way to try to keep others from saying her last name in her and Austen’s presence). Second – what the fuck? Dee is described as having a massive and impressive educational background (good college, graduated summa cum laude etc etc.), and she broke away from the family business (as in her father’s, and 3 of her four brothers) to . . . . work for her uncle. WTF? If she was actually willing to break away that far, why the fuck would she work for the uncle? No one in her family respects, or treats her as anything other than an object to acquire a man – and the man would go work in the business while presumably Dee would be somewhere in the background, barefoot and pregnant. Dee’s family is the scum of the earth. Chauvinistic, misogynistic assholes. Why the fuck did Dee go to work for the uncle? It wasn’t like it was her only option – for fuck sake, she got given this background of being super good and having this impressive education so . . . why? WHY? WTF? It isn’t like this is some surprise that they think and act this way – Dee has always known this about her family. And that ‘good brother’? To a certain extent, he is actually even worse than the others. Because he was ‘nicer’ than the others, he . . . um wasn’t an obvious asshole. But! Even if he might have wished to do so he never backed up his sister, no, instead, he joined in on the screaming, shouting, dickish comments and actions. And – fuck him. Fuck him with a rusty screwdriver. Forcing your assistant to pick up something you fucking forgot on your desk, and drive hours out of her way – when she’s supposed to be on vacation? Fuck you you fucking asshole. The good brother. Fuck that. My blood is boiling. Fucking people in this book. Fuck them all. I’ve never gotten around to reading the other book in that Portland series (or the short story that occurs after the second book), and now believe I never want to. Since two of the people in that series pop up in this one. Mind you, they were the lone sane people in this book, but they ‘allowed’ themselves to be associated with this book so . . .. bah, I’m being stupid but I can’t bring myself to read the rest of the Portland series now. Rating: 2.4 March 31 2017

[thehonestaquarian]

The Power of Self-Awareness...Know Thy Self! Part 1

Fall 2016 my life went into shambles!  I was at an all time low. It wasn't easy but I slowly but surely picked myself up and got my ish together.  I can't take all of the credit.  I have some pretty amazing women in my circle who held me up when I was down.  The numerous phone calls, emotional breakdowns and vent sessions were my daily regimen. Instead of harboring negative feelings/emotions, I decided to write.  Writing is truly one of my many passions.  It is a form of therapy I have grown to utilize when I feel the need to release. I started this blog because I am on an incredible journey right now.

The insanity that was once apart of my life is now my story...my blessing.  Had these things not occurred, I wouldn't be where I am today. I would still be somewhere mad, upset and feeling that life was unfair to only ME. I was carrying on like I was the only one in the world with problems. Yikes! Just thinking about it makes me cringe. The obstacles that brought my life to a standstill was only the beginning of my journey to self-awareness. I have sooo much to say and I want to share my story with anybody who has a listening ear.  I wrote this blog to let you know that it is never too late to change or be better than you were yesterday.

I want this blog to change someone's life for the better so if one person finds some kind of life-changing nugget from this, I have done my job!  I am not an expert...just rich in life experience. This blog is the first of my self-awareness series.  I am an Aquarius; we are natural humanitarians and LOVE to help people.   I am also an introvert and hide from people! How crazy is that? HA!  Ok let’s get this party started! Ready…Set…GO!!

Life's Challenges Are a Catalyst to Self-Awareness

Fall 2016 my life went from sugar to sh*t real quick!!!  I was dealing with a lot of personal issues such as my job,  my relationship and to make matters worse, I was slowly recovering from a myomectomy (removal of uterine fibroids) in July.  My life was in complete shambles!  I literally watched every aspect of my life crumble right before me and I felt like I had no control over what was happening to me.  I felt like a helpless victim to my circumstances and that nobody could ever understand my life and what I was going through. I was a mess!  I couldn’t understand why my life had taken such a downward spiral so quickly.

I consider myself to be a very RESILIENT person who is able to manage stressful situations well but this I couldn't shake.  It was like LIFE was the bowling ball  and I was one of  the pins. I was knocked down! The STRIKE of anger,  disappointment, failure and hurt hit me all at once. Why me? I was living in a state of reactivity.

I finally decided that I was going to navigate through my life’s challenges the best way I knew how so I had to come to a complete STOP, take a good look at myself and dig DEEP!!! It was painful, uncomfortable and scary. It still is.  Did I mention it is REALLY painful and uncomfortable??  It was during this time I began my journey-the journey to true self-awareness.

            What is Self Awareness?  Look in the Mirror.

Self-awareness simply put is the awareness of  SELF.  To be self-aware is how we perceive what motivates us, our strengths, weaknesses and character, personality, thoughts and emotions.   You can also find more info about self-awareness here.  Take a few minutes to reflect on how these variables make up your views on your own self-awareness and how they currently affect your life. Remember this is about YOU. What immediately comes to mind?  Helpful Hint:The journey to self-awareness is no cake walk.  You will have highs and lows. You will uncover some things that may cause uneasiness and discomfort but it doesn't stop there.  If you allow the process to work, and slowly peel back the layers that you were once incognizant of,  you will start to see yourself as the truly awesome person that you are.

Let's dig a little deeper shall we?

What does my character say about me?

What do others say about me?

What motivates me?

What are my goals and ambitions?

What are my strengths?

What area(s) of my life could be improved?

What things do I value in life?

How do I feel about myself?

Self-Awareness = Introspection

Self-awareness forces us to examine our own thoughts and feelings, also known as introspection.  As you read this blog, take time to answer the questions about yourself.  If you can't answer the questions now, make the time to answer them later  in a quiet space (no distractions).   Introspection aka "soul searching" allows you to think about how you process your own thoughts and behaviors.   I strongly encourage you to document your answers in a journal or note cards so you can refer back to it later and see your progress.  Introspection is  one of many steps in self-awareness.   It is like you are interviewing yourself for that dream job-A BETTER YOU!

What Self-Awareness is NOT...

Being self-aware is not the absence of mistakes,but the ability to learn and correct them. ~Daniel Chidiac

So... we talked about the good, let's talk about the bad. Do you know someone who ALWAYS blames other people for the things that go wrong in their life?  EVERYTHING is because of someone else! They are never wrong, make no mistakes or take ownership for their actions.  Sadly, individuals who behave this way have not dealt with their "stuff" and don't want to face the music of accountability.  Accountability for some, is a huge blow to the ego so blame-shifting helps them avoid having to walk around with a bruised ego, hence allowing them to stand tall in their falsified sense of importance.  *We will talk about that in another blog post.*

Be Honest...With Yourself!

Do you find yourself blame-shifting your mistakes or issues on to others when something negative happens in your life?  Statements like " If my husband would just listen to me I wouldn't have cursed him out yelled at him."  or "It's not my fault that I am perfect people don't understand me or accept me for who I am!" I was very guilty of this in my younger years. I didn't want to assume responsibility in arguments with family members, relationships, friendships, colleagues, you name it. I was a mess!  I didn't want to feel bad about what I did due to my own insecurities and fragile ego so shifting blame allowed me to feel like a victim justified in my actions. I never had to be wrong about anything I said or did because people were doing things to ME!   As I got older and wiser, I  recognized  that I was a HUGE part of the problem. But before I came to the realization I was the problem,  I continued living this way for years.  I didn't want to take ACCOUNTABILITY for what happened in my life.  However, I was accountable for my life. PERIOD.  It had absolutely nothing to do with anyone else.   Blame shifting only made me a victim! It was comfortable and EASY!

Major Key Alert!!

The key to overcoming self-victimization is being brutally honest yet kind to yourself! Helpful Hint: Being hard on yourself is counterproductive to the process.  Please be kind to yourself.   PS: DO NOT allow others to be hard on you or shame you while you are going through the process!!!

Choose wisely when it comes to confiding in the masses about your journey.  

Some will understand, some may not. Those who understand your journey are  usually high in self-awareness so they understand your journey and will support you.  They will be honest with you and come from a place of empathy and compassion.  Those who do not understand  or downplay your journey most likely have their own unresolved "stuff" and chances are they are not functioning from a space of self-awareness.  They will most likely tell you to "Just get over it!" OR " You are just too sensitive." OR try to shame you for your feelings and/or expressing them.  Helpful Hint: Sometimes people who tell you to just get over it tend to suppress their own feelings and live in a state of emotional avoidance.   This is not true for all cases but in my personal experiences it was the common denominator when it came to those who told me to just "get over it".

At some point you WILL get over it but with TIME.  This is not a race and you shouldn't beat yourself up when you see yourself falling back into old habits. Change takes time and effort. Studies show that it takes at least 66 days for a habit to become ingrained.  So don't be hard on yourself when you don't see immediate changes.  Remember you have been behaving and thinking a certain way for years!

I confided in a close friend about how badly I felt about reacting to a situation last week. Someone did something I didn't like and I was emotionally triggered by it. I spoke with my friend about it and started getting down on myself.    She told me something so profound! She said to me,  " It's all a process!! You don't grow overnight.  The fact that you are in such a healthier, happier place in 3 months time is amazing!! It takes years sometimes for people to get to where they want to be.  Be proud of yourself for what you have accomplished.  It's a journey...not a race!!!  Grow in it and it stays with you for life!!" SHE totally gets it!

It took time and me talking to a therapist (I will talk about this in part 2) about my "stuff" before even getting to this point. I have been this way for 39 years so changing my old thoughts and behaviors won't change overnight.  I am taking baby steps and celebrating my accomplishments as they come.

Finally...

I truly hope this blog has helped you in some shape or form.  I am not an expert but I do speak from experience.   Next week's blog (part 2) will discuss emotional triggers (the things that remind us of past painful events) and how self-awareness helps identify our triggers.

I would  love to hear from you.   Please post a comment below and tell me what you think about today's topic.

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