#*eta would be great if JUST ONE TIME I could post one of these without a typo lol

[princessnijireiki]

Something that's chapped my ass lately is people sharing news that the FDA is going to stop monitoring dairy, because they are being gutted due to mass firings/layoffs and revoked funding (much the same way that OSHA is being attacked), and then sharing memes... of Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle"... being like, "wow, we* cannot trust the food!!"

They are genuinely not seeing the irony that they are MISSING THE SAME POINTS the audience was missing ONE HUNDRED YEARS AGO. They are not seeing that the public health tactics taken IN RESPONSE TO THIS back then are THE SAME TODAY.

It keeps being about the *"we" the consumer, as a distinct and separate entity from the implied "they" of the laborers. They're missing the entire fucking thesis of the book, because they're going, "Yeah, yeah, sad story, whatever— is THAT what happens to my pork??"

And then, same as pork, because very specifically the FDA and CDC are not allowed to test for diseases in pig farm populations because 100 years ago we found out that shit gets people squeamish, dairy will continue being subsidized, and dairy regs will be transitioned to private corporations' self regulation & management.

And people will CONTINUE TO NOT GET THE THESIS.

And it's such self serving nonsense that it actually lends itself MORE readily to those concerns being swept under the rug, because all you have to do is obfuscate and then stop generating the scary data, so people then think they must be safe. Then they've spent enough energy and focus on that that they continue not giving a shit about the rest of the content of the book!

When it is unfortunately an incredibly topical book!

Stop focusing on the fucking pork! It's not about the pork! I need leftists to READ! Christ!

[makeste]

So... How was watching that episode?

I meant to do a post on this sooner, as opposed to late on a Friday night hours before the next episode drops (eta: well apparently there's no new ep airing this week after all so that makes my timing slightly less atrocious), but yeah. basically I loved it. it hurt in all the right ways.

music was incredible. no shot it was ever not going to be incredible. Hayashi Yuuki thank you for always making my emotions your bitch.

there are admittedly a couple of moments in the anime which I felt weren't quite as impactful as they were in the manga. one of these is the moment when Jeanist, after seeing that Kacchan is (he thinks) traumatized and crying, immediately shifts gears from trying to hype him back up to return to the battle, and instead starts reassuring him that he's done enough and he doesn't have to fight anymore and they'll figure out a way without him. when I first read that part in the manga it absolutely slaughtered me. it's so rare to see media that stars young adults as the protagonists, and portrays them as capable young warriors, and yet also acknowledges that even so, they're still just kids. and to then surround said kids with adults who aren't dumbed down, and who are actually smart and capable and who are actively looking out for them and trying to protect them even though the kids are more OP than they are.

so to have a character that looks at someone like Bakugou and sees past how powerful and determined and ferocious he is, and instead just sees a kid who has been so incredibly brave and who they've asked so much of already. and to have that character make the on-the-spot decision to pull this kid out of the fight, regardless of the consequences, even if it means they might LOSE, just because he thinks the kid is hurt and scared and past his limits, and he needs someone to look out for him. that moment says everything about what kind of person Jeanist is. just, that one part got to me so much.

BUT, in the anime it all happens much faster and the moment gets kind of lost because Kacchan almost immediately starts doing his Deku-style muttering, and Jeanist quickly realizes that his initial read was wrong and this kid is actually FULLY AND COMPLETELY LOCKED IN MORE THAN EVER. which is exactly what happens in the manga as well, to be fair. but in the manga I got to read and absorb it at my own pace, whereas the anime just keeps on going with no concern over whether you've had enough time to process everything that's going on. and so that moment just kind of slips by, and almost isn't even noticeable unless you're looking out for it. it's not really a complaint, because there isn't really any other way the scene could be adapted, probably. but it does give me a good excuse to write a mini-essay about how much I love it, so yeah.

moving on though, in spite of my wishing we could have somehow lingered on that part a second or two longer, I did absolutely love the reveal of Kacchan mumbling and analyzing Deku-style. the first of many outstanding Okamoto Nobuhiko performances in this episode. full nerd powers activated. we'd already seen him do this in Bakugou Katsuki: Rising as well, but this is where it really stands out and it was awesome.

and by the way, shout out to the Big Three who are fucking great. eventually when I get around to posting my manga recaps for this part of the story, those will get more into their antics. for now though, I'll just say that everything was very well adapted. and the part where poor Mirio is all "???? sorry????" when TomurAFO has his brief little Tenko outburst was everything I hoped it would be, and Mirio's actor absolutely nailed it. like I knew it was coming and was anticipating it, and it still slayed me. easily a top five funniest moment in the whole damn series.

Kacchan standing up and telling Jeanist to look after the others filled me with just as much dread as the first time I read it. and the first time I read it, I had already been spoiled. so what I'm trying to say is, knowing what's about to happen does not in any way lessen the intensity of this moment. if anything it just enhances it.

the reveal of Kacchan's powerup was so incredibly badass. I can't even describe how badass it was. just, BOOM. now you see me, now you don't. LA DEE DA, HERE I AM! and the narration in the background talking about his quirk. chef's kiss.

no matter how many anime characters I see pulling off the omae wa mou shindeiru, I will never, ever tire of it. it's the single most badass thing anyone can ever do. especially when they were being underestimated the entire fucking time, and now all of a sudden they're out here scaring the shit out of the big bad himself. no one is faster than Kacchan. KACCHAN CAN RUN FASTER THAN ALL OF YOU. HE CAN FUCKING FLY!! HE'S BEHIND YOU RIGHT NOW!! GOD I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

and then Nobu hits us with the coup de grace. "Izuku… can I still catch up to you?" fellas is it gay to spend your last thirty seconds of life having an imaginary conversation with your beloved rival even as you're zapping around like a bolt of lightning, kicking more ass than anyone on earth has ever kicked.

and I was already dead by this point, but then the All Might vestige scene kicked in and resuscitated me so I could die again even harder. worth it.

so what really killed me nineteen times during this part was the way that Kacchan sounded so completely and utterly different from how he has ever sounded before. this is a scene that's taking place entirely in his head (or… in OFA land… maybe???? goddammit Horikoshi still owes us an explanation. THAT VESTIGE SHOULD NOT BE THERE I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYBODY SAYS). there's nobody else around. nobody to perform for. nobody to show off or look tough for. it's just him, and this big mysterious yellow All Might ghost thing.

and he sounds like an entirely different person. nervous, shy, sheepish. no crudeness, no insults. just, aw shucks. hand to back of neck. avert eyes. so this is kind of awkward, but... the thing is, I always wanted to... but I was such a brat when we first met... and I just never found the right moment after... anyway yeah I'm sorry and it's really dumb. but I really just. wanted to get your autograph.

just. this is him at his most sincere. this is who he's always been, all along. the one and ONLY time we've ever gotten a glimpse of him with absolutely no walls. and he is NOTHING like what he presents himself as to the outside world. he is sweet, he is gentle, he is self-effacing. he is painfully vulnerable, which is doubtless why he never dares to show this side of himself to anybody, ever. and he is ultimately so calmly accepting of this one last regret during what he believes are his final moments.

anyway. so yeah. it destroyed me. what else is there to say.

and then it happens. and once again, not to shit on the anime at all because this episode was fantastic, but this was another part that seemed much clearer in the manga. particularly that one page where we see that everyone else -- Jeanist; Mirio; Hadou; Tamaki; even Mirko -- tried to save Katsuki from that final blow, but they were all just a split second too late. the anime did its best to show that, but I think it was just harder to convey in that format. whereas the manga did it beautifully in a way that couldn't really be replicated.

but on the other hand, one thing the anime did VERY well was showing Kacchan's ragdoll body just flop lifelessly away afterwards. holy shit. I watched like a half dozen reaction videos to this episode on Youtube, and in most of them the anime viewers didn't quite realize how bad of a hit it was at first… until they showed that. then they were like, D: D: D:

and then last but not least… the image that broke the internet so hard that it spoiled me even in my paranoid social media isolation. Kacchan lying lifelessly on the ground. it's such a well-drawn panel in the manga, and the anime absolutely did it justice. having him be so pale was a wonderful touch. you see him, and you just immediately know. there's no room for doubt at all. it's powerful af. the Youtuber reactors all lost their minds. one woman actually started sobbing. phenomenal cinema.

so yeah! needless to say I thought it was spectacular. pour one out for the anime-onlys though. and now their watch begins.

[necngravestcnes]

CLANCY WORLD TOUR ~ togg &jog on tour the essay

*clears throat*

(I’m writing it for the 3rd time cause Tumblr is sick and won’t let me post anything!!!)

Hi, frens! Just for clarification, while I’m writing it, I still can’t quite wrap my head around what happened and what I had the chance to witness. I’ve watched some livestreams before and I know the setlist but still, this really doesn’t prepare you for rollercoaster of emotions you get once you are among us, clikkies, shouting the lyrics of beloved songs and seeing Tyler & Josh just having one big party with us. This is incomparable to ANY show I’ve attended before. The energy, the interaction with fans, the welcoming feeling of being in the right place and time. I don’t exaggerate. They know their drill, they know how to entertain and make people included 🥹 I will love them for that forever and to the end of the world. That’s what makes you a great artist I think. Now, before I tell you everything, I would like you to draw your attention towards a person without I would never ever get to love these two boys from Ohio - @pardonmydelays - my togg, my soulmate and best fren! My life has been way much happier once I started listening to their songs. BECAUSE OF HER! And now having the opportunity to see them live with your best bud? THE MOST WHOLESOME FEELING IN THE WORLD!! This was so special! 🥹 Now… Welcome back to the show… I will never forget the beating of heart jumping in my chest right before I heard Overcompensate’s sound after legendary What’s your ETA? (✌️minutes!) This song is an actual opener, the banger of the century!!! Tyler Joseph has the taste and you can’t deny it! Hearing this live healed my soul I think, and then Holding on to You in the crowd! We got to stand pretty close to the stage (standing at 4am in the queue to get bands paid off lol! FUN TIMES, I would do it again!) Tyler stood on the platform just some 2-3 metres from us 🥹 (I would post a video but Tumblr won’t let me 🙃) And this was the moment I realised he’s real and he doesn’t exist only in my phone. Little Guy Clancy proceed to bang some sick tunes on his keyboard during Vignette and then did his magic trick of showing up even higher than tribunes because why not. Car Radio, you’ll be always famous! Here’s a really bad pic of our Clanky…

The Judge moment was really moving with the crowd singing the words and watching the video of fans explaining how much tøp music means to them. Tyler proceeding with the second verse of the song out of blue gave me even more goosebumps! *intermission for some pics*

You guys know how much Next Semester means to me, right? At least I hope you do. I didn’t record it, I asked poppy to do so because I knew I would be too busy drowning in my own tears. I only managed to snap a pic of Tyler pretending to be a magnificent statue, when he stood motionless long enough to take a photo of him lol

He and Josh were smiling and goofing around a lot, and I believe it is because of us screaming the lyrics of songs the loudest our lungs could let us. It was so much fun!! Tyler even learnt how to correctly pronounce the name of our city - Łódź - it was adorable, he said they’re so happy to be back in Poland, and it showed!!! ☺️ They debuted even Doubt demo version here??? Hello??? (I’ve been streaming it today ALL DAY!) Lavish was absolutely amazing, seeing two goofballs getting married on stage is something else, I’m telling you! 😂 poppy would murder me if I didn’t mention Backslide, and I wouldn’t forgive myself as well!! Hearing The Scream™️ live was something else, I knew it was coming but you still cannot be prepared!! The emotions, the tension, this song is absolute perfection 🥹

My soul left my body hearing Shy Away, heavydirtysoul and Midwest Indigo!!!! It was truly out of body experience hearing them all live. My absolute faves!

AND I DIDN’T FORGET ABOUT BEANIE™️ HOW COULD I? YOU ALL PROBABLY KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT BEANIE, idk what else to tell you. Blurryface is my beloved absolute fashion icon! Stressed Out was amazing and it will never get old. I said what I said! THE GUITAR??????

I also lost my mind during The Lore part. How sick was burning Dema to the ground?! Jumpsuit, Navigating, Nico and The Niners. Absolute iconic songs. This post is getting dangerously too long but I think there’s still not enough words to describe how I felt during this show. it was positively overwhelming, it made me feel nervous and happy and even though I hate crowds, standing in the pit with Clikkies felt safe and I didn’t even think of my anxiety 🥹 There I felt truly happy and at peace. Idk what else to say. I’m happy I stayed alive to experience it all. In Trench you are not alone, right? I feel like their music saved me so many times, and I’m forever grateful for that.

(*additional mention* I also would like to tell you that we were standing in the pit so close to Tyler freaking Joseph during Trees that we got splashed with water. This will be my legacy and I will never shut up about it 😭😭😭)

@endofanera-startofanage @noproof-youjustknow @redwidow616 @thepaladinstrait @xproskeith @fairlylocalsixes ❤️

[presumenothing]

so we all know the drill, yeah? my keyboard slipped etc etc and thus i present: 吉祥纹莲花楼 aka LOTUS CASEBOOK (the novel) CHAPTER ONE: TASTER EDITION further aka "the first chapter, but minus the Case Exposition bit because wow noooope". note also that this is not as serious nor thoroughly-edited as some of my other TLs (nif fandom alumni may remember me from known, unknown aka this absolute unit/research spiral of a post-canon fic; this is Not That and also, hi!!). and now with that out of the way, enjoy! ETA: fixed some missing bits that got eaten while posting to tumblr + only maybe 30% on-topic footnotes over here

PART THE FIRST: A GHOST, MURDER, IN THE GREEN GAUZE WINDOW

Changzhou City, Xiaomian Inn.

The seventeenth of the sixth month, just around midnight.

It had been two days since Cheng Yunhe, the head convoy of Hexing Convoy Company, started escorting these sixteen boxes of precious goods. Though all had been well so far, he felt tight-strung with exhaustion, and despite having fallen asleep he woke up without quite knowing why.

Silence permeated the dark room.

Outside the window… there was singing.

Faint waves of sound, barely discernible, as if someone was singing; and apparently quite in earnest, too, but in an incredibly odd tone… just as if… someone was singing with their tongue cut out. 

He opened his eyes, and looked at the window directly across from his bed.

Amidst the darkness, green flecks flickered dim and sudden across that window, now far then near, and only on this one window across from him.

Outside the window, the faraway song continued, that broken tongue singing a tragic melody that no-one living could possibly understand…

He’d already practised almost forty years of martial arts, and though his hearing and sight might not be the top in the jianghu, it could hardly be weak either, but he… could not make out the sound of anything human.

As the wind whistled through the slightly-ajar window, he stared at that window with its flickering green shadows – and for the very first time in his life, he thought of a word – ghosts?

–

ONE: LUCKY PATTERN LOTUS PARLOUR

The broad daylight of a sunny day.

Bingshan Town was not a remarkable place by any means; it had neither rare treasure nor great legends, and just like the vast majority of places in the jianghu, its denizens were a little boring, its crops a tad skinny, its rivers a tinge dirty, and its post-meal conversational topics a touch lacking… far too lacking, actually, so whenever there was something everyone had to delight in it for the longest time – not to mention how that recent happening was an odd one indeed.

The tale so far: on this day, the eighteenth of the month, when the people of Bingshan Town opened their doors to sweep their stoops, they abruptly found that their only-too-familiar main street had suddenly sprouted a two-storey wooden building. This building was hardly a short one, either, fully capable of housing people inside, and in spacious lodgings no less; it was made fully of wood, and engraved with patterns unusually fine and ornate, that even a blind person could recognise by touch – none other than lotus flowers and auspicious clouds.

After a good half-day’s worth of discussion, some eagle-eyed people recognised at last how this building had “suddenly appeared”: though its structure was that of a building, it turned out that it was not connected to the ground… at any rate, this building had been pulled by someone with a cart, here to the main street of their Bingshan Town, and put it there. Everyone expressed their amazement at this, but nobody could comprehend why anyone would bother dragging over such a large building in the dead of night just to leave it on the street, or what it could possibly be for. Perhaps as a shrine for their town god? Though speaking of which, their local shrine had indeed fallen into disrepair and gone unworshipped for many years now…

Such debate continued for three days straight, up until an express convoy working at some company who happened to be coming home was struck dumbfounded upon seeing it, screeched “The Lucky Parlour!” and there and then turned to run madly away without even returning home, still yelling “Lucky Parlour!” along the way – and thus the building abruptly became a haunted house, that would drive anyone who saw it right mad.

Only seven days later, when that express convoy suddenly brought the entire convoy company back to Bingshan Town, did the masses discover that said building was not in fact some haunted house. 

Not only was it not a haunted house, it was actually an auspicious building, a super-duper auspicious building. 

The “Lucky Pattern Lotus Parlour” was a medical clinic.

Its master was of surname Li, named Lianhua.

What kind of a person was Li Lianhua? As a matter of fact, nobody in the jianghu knew either. Whether his master, his background, the level of his martial arts, his age, or even the matter of his looks: all of it was unknown. Six years had passed since this person appeared in the jianghu, and in total he’d done only two things, but just these two things alone had been enough to turn the “Lucky Pattern Lotus Parlour” into the single most fascinating legend in the jianghu.

The two things Li Lianhua had done: the first was bringing back to life the martial scholar “Lifelong Learner” Shi Wenjue, who’d been buried for many days after dying from major injuries after a decisive duel. The second was bringing back to life “Ironflute Hero” He Lantie, who’d also been buried for many days with all his bones broken after dying from a cliff fall.

Just these two incidents alone had already made Li Lianhua the one figure in the jianghu that people most wanted to acquaint themselves with, but there was also the matter of his strange house that he always brought along with him – this only made Li Lianhua more of a legend amongst legends.

The head convoy of Hexing Convoy Company led every last one of his men on swift horseback to Bingshan Town, and after three days of clean baths and devout incense, finally delivered on great tenterhooks a letter of greeting to that building carved of precious softwood: Cheng Yunhe of Hexing Convoy Company wishes to consult on an important matter.

Said letter was pushed in via a window gap.

All forty-odd men of the company waited alongside Cheng Yunhe, as if it was the King of Hell inside of that building, passing judgement––

Soon after, that building that had been so silent as to seem unoccupied let out the faintest of creaking sounds. All of Hexing Convoy held their breath, and even the rubbernecking passers-by caught theirs, too, widening their eyes to better await whatever creature could possibly emerge from this building.

The door swung swiftly open, and not in the slow swing of everyone’s imagination.

A large cloud of dust burst forth with a bang, blowing all over Cheng Yunhe, and the figure in the door made a sound of dismay, saying with great apology: “I was tidying up odds and ends, and didn’t even realise I had guests, my apologies, apologies indeed.”

All of Hexing Convoy, now covered in dust and sawdust, stared in astonishment at the one who’d opened the door with a broom in one hand; the very same broom where that bright red greeting letter was now stuck on. He looked very young, no older than twenty-seven or twenty-eight, and perhaps even a little younger than that if not for the much-mended grey robes he was wearing; his skin was fair and his looks refined, but neither was he so beautifully handsome as to be unforgettable from a glance. He held the broom in his right hand and a dustpan in his left, and looked out at the dozens-strong line outside his door with a face full of apology.

Cheng Yunhe gave a heavy cough, and saluted in greeting: “I, “Thousand-Mile Crane” Cheng Yunhe, humbly greet Li-xiansheng of the Lucky Parlour; may I perhaps request that you pass a message to him that there is a matter I wish to consult him on?”

“Ah,” said the grey-robed young man. “A message?”

Cheng Yunhe spoke gravely: “I fear we must meet with Li Lianhua, Li-xiansheng himself, for there is crucial business to discuss.”

The young man set down the broom. “I am indeed Li Lianhua.”

Cheng Yunhe’s eyes widened abruptly, mouth falling open, and in that moment every last bystander wanted nothing more than to toss three or five eggs into his mouth. Very swiftly he shut it again, and gave another heavy cough. “Your good reputation precedes you, Li-xiansheng…” 

And then he found himself at a loss on how to continue, for he had already detailed the ins and outs of the matter on the greeting letter, but that same letter was now stuck on Li Lianhua’s broom.

Li Lianhua said: “Apologies, apologies… my residence is covered in clutter at the moment…”

He raised a hand to invite Cheng Yunhe inside.

The Lucky Pattern Lotus Parlour was indeed covered in assorted junk; from nails to hammer, saw to axe, dustcloths to broom, sawdust and dust everywhere, and a few boxes holding who-knew-what. The front room held only one table and chair each, both made of bamboo and not worth even twenty bronze coins. Cheng Yunhe felt heavy doubt in his heart, but what with the sheer reputation of the Lucky Pattern Lotus Parlour, and this grey-robed man to be sitting in it, he dared not to suspect him to be a fake, either; and thus he was left with no choice but to sit respectfully across from Li Lianhua and recount every part of those fearsome events he’d encountered a half-month ago.

[––CASE EXPOSITION CUT FOR SANITY––]

Such was the tale of the “Green Window Ghost Murder” that had thrown the martial world into heated debate over the last half a month. Yu Mulan, heartbroken over the senseless death of his beloved daughter, flew into a rage and commanded the death of all the swordsmen who had been escorting Yu Qiushuang that night, alongside a kill order for the entirety of Hexing Convoy Company. Cheng Yunhe, pushed to his wits’ end, had been about to bring his family and disband the company for a scattered escape when he heard the news of the Lucky Parlour.

Li Lianhua could bring the dead back to life – and so Cheng Yunhe suddenly thought: if Li Lianhua could resurrect Yu Qiushuang, wouldn’t that resolve everything? Resurrection was not something he would have ever believed in, just a half-month ago, but with matters the way they were now he could only work with what he had, dead or otherwise, and since the heavens had seen fit to let him come across Li Lianhua, why not give it a try? After all… if the legends were true, all could not but be well.

But even until he’d finished recounting the “Green Window Ghost Murder” incident, he hadn’t heard any startling insights out of Li Lianhua, only an ah and a nod of his head.

After finishing his tea, Cheng Yunhe had no choice but to leave. He truly could not think of any good reason to remain any longer in that empty building of Li Lianhua’s, full of assorted junk and Li Lianhua’s expression full of gentle incomprehension. 

Cheng Yunhe departed.

From the second storey of the Lucky Pattern Lotus Parlour, someone said, leisurely: “Even five years later, you’re still plenty famous, aren’t you…”

Li Lianhua sat on the chair, drinking tea. “Ah…”

Who even knew what he was ah-ing about.

“Actually I’ve never been able to figure it out.” That figure descended slowly from the second storey. He was thin and pale, all skin and bones, and perhaps if he gained twenty pounds he’d be a elegantly beautiful young man, but as it stood he mostly just resembled a victim of starvation. Yet this particular hungry corpse also happened to be wearing a set of rich white robes of particularly meticulous workmanship, with the tassel and jade ornaments favoured only by those fine young masters untouched by worldly troubles, and a long sword with an unusually elegant shape to its hilt. “How could anyone in this world possibly believe in something like resurrection? It’s been five whole years, and yet nobody has forgotten those two scandals of yours…”

“Because none of them are as smart as you.” Li Lianhua smiled faintly, stood up to stretch, then picked up his broom and resumed sweeping the floor.

“Can you not sweep the floor?” The hungry corpse from the upper storey suddenly glared. “How can you possibly keep sweeping when I, the great Fang-dagongzi, am here right in front of you? Do you realise that if Cheng Yunhe had known I was in here just now, he’d definitely kneel down and beg me too ask that old geezer Yu not to slaughter his entire family? You have a young master of my handsome looks and eminent status in front of you, and yet you’ve been doing nothing but sweep the floor?"

“I can’t.” Li Lianhua said: “I haven’t cleaned and repaired this building in too long. It’s very dirty, and leaks when it rains, too.”

The white-robed corpse kept up the wide-eyed glaring for many moments longer, before suddenly letting out a sigh. “Someone like you who can’t fight and can’t treat diseases, who doesn’t plant crops or commit theft either – how have you even managed to survive all these years in such fame? I really don’t get it.” 

This white-robed hungry corpse was “Melancholic Young Master” Fang Duobing, the eldest son of the of the Fang martial family. He’d known Li Lianhua for an entire six years, long enough that he even knew exactly how this same person had come to fame – Shi Wenjue had suffered major injuries in his duel and used the Turtle’s Breath method to close his qi and recover, the local villagers had taken him for dead and buried him, Li Lianhua had gone to dig him up, and thus Shi Wenjue had naturally come back to life; He Lantie, on the other hand, had staged an entire cliff jump after failing in his pursuit of a wife, played dead and buried himself in the ground, and Li Lianhua who’d just happened to be passing by dug him out yet again. The whole world was wondering how Li Lianhua had managed to bring the dead back to life, while all Fang Duobing wanted to know was how he knew where on earth (or under it) there’d be a live person to dig up.

“I did still have some silver coins, a while ago.” Li Lianhua carefully swept the front room, then put away the dustpan. “As long as you plan well, you can still make do.”

Fang Duobing rolled his eyes. “And how much silver do you have now?”

“Fifty taels.” Li Lianhua smiled faintly. “That’s enough to use for a lifetime, to me.”

Fang Duobing tsked. “To think that there’s losers like you in the martial world, who only plan to spend fifty taels in their whole life, it’s practically a shame upon the jianghu. Had Cheng Yunhe known what kind of person you are, I’d like to see whether he still would’ve come asking for help… heh, asking a ‘miracle doctor’ who doesn’t know a drop of medicine and has to go everywhere with his house on his back because he’s too stingy to stay in an inn, to go treat the dead, I can’t believe he thought of that.” Fang Duobing rolled his eyes again for good measure, and eyed Li Lianhua up and down. “Though I can’t actually tell whether you are going to help him go treat the dead or not.”

Li Lianhua sat on the chair, fingers still meticulously fiddling away with the interlocking joint on that squeaky bamboo table of his, and gave a small smile upon hearing this. “Why wouldn’t I go? After all, I don’t know how to plant crops, or sell vegetables, and I’m not in want of coin. Wouldn’t life be incredibly boring if I didn’t have something to do?”

“When that old geezer Yu finds out that you’re a fake miracle doctor and decides to kill your entire family, Fang-dagongzi is absolutely not going to save you,” Fang Duobing said, leisurely. “Go on then, don’t expect this young master here to see you off.”

And so it was that Li Lianhua spent a whole three days tidying up inside the Lucky Pattern Lotus Parlour, packing who-knows-what into that small parcel of his, and after meticulously writing a lengthy missive temporarily entrusting the parlour to the care of “Lifelong Learner” Shi Wenjue, he set off at last.

He was headed to Yu Fortress, to see the corpse of Yu Qiushuang.

[pbandjesse]

Jess came to visit today. And it was nice to feel normal. I didn't feel as emotional today. But maybe more hollow. I am not sure. James took over last night so I could just be alone and sleep uninterrupted. James did not get much sleep. Sylvia was to fussy to sleep without being held. So James just kept her in the kaftan wrap and wore her on their chest. I really appreciate them giving me some time, especially when I was falling apart so much.

When I woke up this morning, before my alarm, I was doing alright. I got cleaned up and dressed and made the bed. I was determined to have a good day and feel better.

I went downstairs to see James and baby. Jess would let me know when she left and her ETA. I had a little breakfast and me and James and Sylvie all hung out on the couch.

Sylvia was fussing still. She just wants to be held. So I did. I held her on my chest and we shared a blanket and it was nice. Nice to have a cuddle.

When Jess got here James was just finishing changing the kitty litter and went to let her in. It was so nice to see her.

We would all hang out for a while. Jess enjoyed holding Sylvie and James made her a breakfast sandwich. We would get all the things together for the free swap and loaded that all in the car.

I was a little anxious that it wasn't actually going to happen. There wasn't a lot of activity on the Facebook or the Reddit posts. But I hoped it would be great. And it ended up being great!

It was a beautiful day. We got Sylvia in the car seat and spent a few minutes figuring out how to get Jesse giant bag of squishmallows in the trunk. And then we were off.

I was still nervous. But we parked and walked over. And there were other people! We found the girl who organized the whole thing and it was pretty well organized. I was glad I had already organized my things into bags so we could put things in the correct areas quickly.

James and Jess would go back to the car for the rest of the stuff. I put things in their designated spots. I found an excellent mirror. And then it was just fun looking around! There was a whole bunch of baby clothes so I was able to pick up some stuff for Sylvie. I also chatted with a couple other parents which was scary but something I'm practicing.

The sun was really hot in the park. But we all spent some time hanging out and finding treasures and it was really fun. I am really glad we did this.

I didn't want to go right home. It was so nice out. So after we dropped off our finds at the car we went for a long walk. First around the block. I haven't walked around this area before so it was fun. We went on a pie shop but did not get any pies today. We also went on a very cute gift shop. And then we took a long walk to the ice cream shop near the park. It was a little longer then me and Jess expected but it was fine. I was enjoying talking to Jess and being all together.

We sat inside to cool down a little bit. Jess got strawberry. James got key lime pie. And I got strawberry cheese cake. It was a little tough to eat that with one hand while I gave Sylvia a bottle. But it was fun doing it all together.

I decided to carry Sylvia back to the car. I love my baby. And I feel like I haven't held her enough the last couple days. Or at least I haven't enjoyed it enough. Just have had a lot of people around holding her instead. So I carried her and it was good.

We would play our pet spotting game on the way home. Dogs took an early lead to win. And soon we were back at the car and heading home.

When we got back here me and Jess and Sylvia sat in the backyard for a little to sort through the finds from the swap. But Sylvie was not enjoying the sun anymore so we brought her inside.

James made us grilled cheeses and fries for lunch. We would also have carrots and celery. And just hung out and talked and it was fun. Apparently I still seemed sad. But I didn't feel as sad as I had. So small progress I guess.

We watched TikToks and laid on the couch and I enjoyed that Sylvia would finally calm down after Jess fed her at 3. And we were able to have a happy baby laying around for a few hours. Including in her play pen with some high contrast shapes. And it was just a nice afternoon.

Jess would hang out for a while but would leave around 4 to go home. She has really bad traffic to deal with and would actually get off the highway and just go to trader Joe's for a while. But she would eventually get home safe.

After Jess left I just kept hanging out with Sylvie. I would move her to the robot chair for a bit. And James was doing laundry. I made outfits for the week. We had pasta for dinner. And eventually I came upstairs and took a shower and washed my hair. And now we're watching videos and hanging out. Sylvia is sleeping on James's chest. I really really hope we can get her to sleep in her bassinet tonight. But I feel better enough that even if I have to stay up with her for a while downstairs I will be alright. I will find the nice things about it.

Tomorrow will be a nice day. I have decided. I hope you all have a nice day too. Sleep well everyone. Goodnight!!

[fandom-hoarder]

Considering OP is yelling at ppl to leave them alone when questioned on specifics because a post that says “the grooming in spn fandom is insane” (specifically Wincest) was “not a callout” and only “a legitimate safety concern” about “a space is known for well you know”, they are not worth the time. They also reacted very rudely to an anon who only wanted to apologize for following them (thinking that OP was anti Wincest and trying to respect OP’s boundaries). Just not worth it.

[I held onto this in my drafts for a day, but I think I'm just gonna publish it after all. Even though v did a much better job of addressing the op directly, imo, I'm not interacting with the op. I'm also going to gather screenshots in a posterity post, but it will likely be unrebloggable.]

Hmm, I debated publishing this ask, because I'm really just. So tired. And annoyed. And it's not a great combination for tact. Nevertheless...

I haven't seen the yelling myself, just avoidance and redirection. Flippancy. But maybe it's happening in a space I can't see, or between people I've blocked, idk. If so, it sounds a lot like it IS January 2023 redux 🙃🙃🙃 -- I HAVE seen it now, and my suspicion still stands, though still not 100%.

People need to stop making such serious accusations when they refuse to back it up. Words fucking mean things. Saying a certain sector of the fandom--that ostensibly you're also a part of?--has a problem with grooming and is stupid...that was NOT worded in a way to help people stay safe. It was worded like a vague callout post to scare people. We've seen those before. 🙄

A post that was actually concerned about grooming in online spaces *in general* would list some things to be aware of, things to recognize, tips for getting out of a situation. But no, it's this vaguepost without anything specific, with the one question in the notes asking for an explanation or if it's sarcasm-- unanswered [eta: well maybe they responded and I can't see it, since I realized I had op blocked]-- and one reblog from a person who claims it wasn't about wincesties specifically, when it demonstrably WAS??

So who is doing it, and where/how? I don't necessarily think it's a good idea to make public posts with names that devolve into personal beef and worse, but if someone is making the accusation that there's a grooming problem in the fandom they need to come with receipts or at the very least descriptions of the situation??

This isn't cutesy. You know exactly what anon is talking about, as shown later. Reblogging the post unaltered gives at least the appearance of agreeing with it as written.

This isn't to make light of! You reblogged it.

This isn't helpful.

If there was no one specific, why reblog a post specifically about the wincest fandom having insaneeee grooming? It wasn't "just in general." It's not a joke, yet this reply looks entirely unserious.

I am too old to keep seeing this type of shit go through the fandom at regular intervals, especially when it's so often a false accusation based on interpersonal drama. The only purpose this serves is riling up the dash. It's exhausting, and waters down the gravity of the accusation by making it a phrase that cries wolf.

I'm not even saying outright that the post is a LIE; just that it has seriously similar markers of past drama that was approximately 90% unaddressed purity culture biases about fiction, 9% interpersonal beef, and 1% actual concern for a human being who was an adult, but young. And it led to the utter gutting of fandom, loss of acquaintances, deletion of a glut of fic-- all due to smearing the reputation of a writer by using horrible UNTRUE AND INCENDIARY ACCUSATIONS.

So I'm sure many of you already understand why I take umbrage with these types of posts! Who knows if it's about fiction or something real? 🤷‍♀️

And since there's no further context to be found, the way it LOOKS on the dash is that someone is taking creeper!Dean too seriously. It could be about something else, but who knows.

[penny-anna]

Just thought I’d let you know that your onslaught of Back to the Future content inspired me to rewatch the movies this weekend, which was such a delight :)

Do you have any fic recs, by any chance?

ah glad to hear it!

*rubs hands together*ohoho let's see what i got here

Like Water Flowing Underground by Kleenexwoman

Marty struggles to fit in with his new reality, but is any other world a better fit?

i read this one back in 2015 and come back to it every so often. just beautifully done.

Becoming Marty by butchcassidy

Scenes and glimpses from Marty's childhood and how he came to be Marty.

obligatory trans marty rec!!

Time is a Wave and a Particle by Kleenexwoman

Another one of those "Marty has trouble dealing with living in an alternate universe" fics.

heavy content warning for mental illness & specifically psychosis on this one!!

beautifully written, absolutely gutwrenching, this one is gonna haunt me ):

Alternates by Wildgoosery

Marty's life isn't at all like how he left it.

i eat up post-canon 'marty deals w being in a new timeline' fics like candy nom nom nom

wish someone would tell me who to be (ready to try anything) by Adanska

(“Fashion cycle,” Doc had explained, looking more ‘50s than anything else. “The Eighties just came back around in a big way for kids your age, you shouldn’t stick out too much—people will just think you’re hipsters.” “What, like the pants?” “No, a nostalgia-obsessed movement—ah, nevermind.”)

lesbian marty & jennifer visiting Actual 2015 its great give this one a read!!

we can't live in the present forever by ideal_girl (trainwreckdress)

Marty wonders if Doc has the same problem; histories overlapping, memories colliding in the space of a single, shared moment. He hopes not.

a 'marty deals with having 2 contradictory sets of memories' story

Inevitable by nbfutureboy

It's a bizarre twist of fate. When they’d found out they’d been expecting twin boys, Jennifer had suggested, sensible and sweet, that they pick out two new names. No comparisons to the kids of the first 2015 - they could be their own people, without having to compete with a future memory. 

very sweet fic about trans marlene mcfly!!

The Man in the Box by makesureyouwashyourhands

People said the strangest things about the McFlys. They said that Marty McFly went to bed one night and woke up a different person. Or, the two Martys: how they differ, and how they're the same.

*throws another post-canon new timeline fic at you*

The Human Body Is Incredibly Faulty by ThePhenomenalStingray

Written for the ask, "For that headcannon prompt, Doc is a complete mother hen mess when Marty’s hurt".

cute!! <3<3<3<3

First Impressions by Kristen Sheley

To say that he had been surprised when the kid had showed up that evening at his doorstep was an understatement. He hadn’t ever imagined anything so fantastic, and his was a mind that had visualized a lot of unrealistic and fantastic things! But a seventeen-year-old time traveler from the future was never one of them. Equally surprising to him was that this kid was apparently a friend of his. What a sixty-five-year-old was doing hanging out with someone so young, Emmett could only wonder. Maybe Marty was a student of his, from the University.

an oldie but a goodie!! absolutely banging bit of missing scene work from the first film w doc & marty adjusting to each other in 1955

The Longest Odds by leaper182

Marty McFly just had two more years to go before he could start thinking about the future.

But then the odds shifted, and the only future he has to think about now is whether he'll make it home alive.

wip not updated since 2016. not a whole lot of this one as it looks like it didn't really get off the ground but the central concept (tribute marty + former victor mentor doc brown) is just gutwrenching and im going to be rotating it in my brain forever!! ETA: totally failed to clock the ship tag on this one oops!! its tagged doc/marty but i don't remember anything shippy happening in the chapters posted. read at your own risk ig.

that's all for now!! i got more stuff in my to-read so stay tuned hopefully!!!

[katsukikitten]

Hello friends! Here is my contribution to the Bakugou Birthday Bash! The master link will be linked here ! Please enjoy my bit of an angsty fic! And all of the other art and works that are on the master list! Enjoy the big bakugou blow out and remember to leave a comment on your favorite pieces! Happy birthday ya shitty man! (Lowkey become 3d please)

Warning: he's 28 btw 😂 (my fic says so also)

It shouldn't be this fucking hard to get groceries and booze. It's a quick and easy errand. Everything already pre-ordered for an important birthday that just needed to be picked up. And yet here you were crying in your car trying to get it together before the attendant asked for the order name. Honestly you had texted out "I can't do this today. Sorry." Several times before deleting it, telling yourself not to hit send. But you would have to be having the worst mental day of your life wouldn't you? Today of all days, how fucking selfish of you.

Especially with the amount of time and effort you and Kirishima had put into this idea. Since New Year's actually, months and months of planning after the two of you had gotten shit faced at Denki and Mina's new years party, creating the brain child. All after bonding over switching patrol partners six months before, you had gotten Bakugou and he had gotten Ashido. Kirishima and yourself giggle over stupid things to the side of the party, people watching as you took shots. Kirishima points towards a normally grumpy blonde.

"Wow I think he's actually having fun." You snort, as you watch Bakugou hide his rare cat smile behind a sip of his beer as Mina makes Denki the butt of a joke.

"He actually loves parties. He never says it so people just think he's a wet blanket." Kirishima laughs, pouring the two of you another shot. Bakugou lets out a particularly loud laugh after 'Dunce Face' proves Mina's point. I guess that would be the time that it started.

When you started to fall. His laugh makes your cheeks deepen in hue and burn, to want to hear it again, to watch it again and learn all of the other sides of your patrol partner that he obviously only reserved for his closest friends.

"Let's throw him a great birthday party." You say, holding up your shot as a devilish smile spreads over sharp teeth. The mountainous man clinks your shot glass before he adds.

"Let's." In unison the two of you down the burning liquid as the plan comes into fruition.

Four months, four months and nineteen days of you thinking of nothing but your patrol partner with whom you got extremely close with since New Year's. So why? Why today of all days were you struggling? Why would normal everyday tasks feel more as if you were wading through mud than the breeze they should have been? You flip down the visor, looking yourself in the eye through little square mirror as you grit your teeth hissing

"Get your shit together."

Your little pep talk helps you get the several cakes and the cart full of booze that everyone requested, planning to make this the best birthday ever. Helping Kirishima set his house up with decorations, setting out the snacks, catering and even pouring some drinks as guests began to arrive to set down their gifts and help with the last minute touches before hiding. Masking through the pit in your stomach as you smiled at all of your friends as they poured in through Kirishima's door. Through the weighted emptiness you felt as each one wrapped you into a tight hug, already praising you and Kirishima for the amazing effort, that Bakugou would be so surprised when it was more than just you and Kirishima here. . Finally you had to go and get the guest of honor just before sundown to catch him before he went to bed. A much needed breather from the constant smiling and forcing a laugh that everyone thought sounded genuine.

Enjoying the silence of the evening train as it pulled you across town to the unsuspecting blonde. And maybe you could have made it through the night from your shitty pep talk or at least through getting the freshly 28 year old to his party but instead you catch your reflection in the window. Your facial features weighted with exhaustion, shoulders hunched allowing your body to continue to produce cortisol. Tears prick your eyes as you deep low, too low. Remembering everything and nothing all at once, steeping in guilt as you beg yourself for just a few more hours. That the depression episode can happen when you're home and alone, after the party goes off without a hitch. Tears fall anyway and they do all the way to Bakugou's until you finally get enough control to step out of yourself for a moment. Ringing the doorbell several times as a smile is plastered on your face, the door swings open. Bakugou's eyes narrow as they take you in, he notices that something is off. Your smile is a little too wide, your eyes rimmed red but he says nothing about it. Instead he lets his initial anger come forth.

"Oi! I told you to fuckin' text me when you were on the train so I could meet you at the station!" He growls, slamming his door shut and pocketing his keys. Deadly and sweaty hands deep in the pockets of his leather jacket as his palms itch to hold onto something else. Garnet eyes track your own hands as you reach over your head stretching.

"Yea yea, I hear you Dad." You tease giving him a look, "I still made it okay."

"Kirishima should have come instead of you that fuckin hair for brains." He snarls keeping pace with you as he always does on patrol.

"I know Dad must be sad cause his favorite didn't come to pick him up." You try not to sound dejected, nudging him in the ribs to distract from the crack in your voice, "Happy birthday ya big lug."

Bakugou cuts you a glare, mind racing before his barks out a "Thanks."

Comfortable silence stretches between the two of you before you two hit the train station, passing a corner store.

"Was shitty hair burning dinner? Do I need to stop for back up?" His thumb hooks over his shoulder towards the neon as he stands idle waiting for you to jog your memory. Kirishima had burned the last friend's dinner making Bakugou so angry he walked six blocks to make something that was 'FUCKIN EDIBLE!' while you tried to air out his apartment. You laugh loudly, genuinely for the first time that day causing Bakugou's shoulders to sag with relief. In the ten months he had been working with you he had only seen you faking a smile or laugh once or twice. Then the time after that you were absent from work the next day or two forcing him to patrol with Denki but worse yet...making him worry.

"Guess I'll grab something just in case." He gave you his back so you wouldn't see his face or the faint blush that dusted his cheeks.

"No, no! I ordered out this time. From that famous chef you like." Bakugou glares your way, digging in his back pocket for his wallet.

"How much." He demands through gritted teeth while you show him the palms of your hands in surrender.

"Woah woah! It's your birthday gift! You can't pay me back for dinner! I'd sooner burn the money before I'd accept it from you!" Your watch dings with a message from Kirishima asking for an ETA. You grab onto Bakugou's hand pulling him along into a run as you shout over your shoulder.

"We're gonna be late!"

Oh how Bakugou wished you hadn't done that, he was already struggling to keep his heart beat even when you were around and now to grab onto him. To pull him along in a hurry like those cheesy insta posts that couples did on their "grand adventure" together. He swallows the lump in his throat as he reminds himself that you are nothing more than his patrol partner. His friend at best.

Even though the train was mostly empty Bakugou stood closely by you, as he always did when the two of you were in a crowded space. He had seen how most men took advantage of the situation and he hated the idea of that happening to you although he knew you were more than capable of handling it on your own. Hell you could kick even his ass but he would die before ever admitting that. Instead he watches you talk about what you ordered for dinner and how you got the cake from that bakery Sato works part time at, the same one he got your birthday cake from but he doesn't hear a word. Instead all he can see is the golden light from the setting sun worshiping you. Kissing your skin to make it glow, giving your eyes a hue that makes his heart fall into his stomach and illuminating you in a true light. A radiant ethereal thing is what you were and Bakugou was just lucky enough to be standing by you. So out of it he doesn't realize the two of you are at your stop.

"Uh Suki?" Your voice is soft paired with the setting sun has him acting weird. He leans closer to you, pulled by some invisible force before he stops himself as he watches you look up at him beneath long lashes.

"You okay?" You ask almost nervously from his proximity, the smell of spice and caramel wrap around you making you feel warm and fuzzy. Temporarily making you forget that you were trying to act on the train, making you relax as you just talked to Bakugou. He sucks his teeth as he picks up your bag to sling over his shoulder.

"Yea but you were gonna forget your whole damn purse like you always do." He huffs, this time he was the one pulling at your hand in a rush before the doors closed to trap you two on the train. His hand feels warm in yours, his grip tight as he drags you along before pulling you within his sight, another habit of his you happened to notice. Almost reluctantly he lets go of you hand as Kirishima's house comes into view.

"We better have a good time tonight patrol Princess or you owe me a special birthday gift." He laughs causing you to roll your eyes at his stupid nickname that stuck after your first day with him, adamant that the two of you take your route instead of his it was a huge argument. But it was a good thing he listened to the "princess", it put the two of you smack dab in the middle of a robbery. You stick out your tongue.

"Trust me. You're gonna have a good time!" You push him up the steps as he bats away your hands. Opening the front door before everyone jumps out of various and bad hiding spots.

"SURPRISE!!" All of the alumni of class A and some of B shout, a select few already slurring their words. Bakugou's scowl turns into a smirk before he looks over his shoulder at you.

"Aw you did this to me?" His voice is teasing but his eyes almost sparkle, you nod encouraging him to go deeper into the party. As he does people flock to him laughing and yelling out happy birthday until he's sick of hearing it. All the while your smile wanes with the night. Until an hour in that heavy episode hits you full force. Numbness setting in where happiness should be, rotting as it turns to shame and guilt as you watch your friend, your crush, enjoy his night. Bringing a glass bottle to his lips as he talks with Kirishima, who then presses a shot into his hands. Bodies dancing to the house music that beat out of the speakers competing with chatter and laughter.

It felt weird to watch everyone truly enjoying themselves while you felt low. It felt more as if you were standing outside of the house, looking in through the window to see everyone enjoying themselves, no one even knowing who you were as you stared in.

You felt distant, alone. What a shitty way to feel in a room full of people, none of it being their fault and so the guilt pressed harder. Eyes watering as they lingered on the blonde who deserved this celebration and more. Making you decide to give the best birthday gift of them all.

To slip away upstairs and onto the roof, to give the room space to breathe when you felt like suffocating.

Crying to no one but the moon.

And no one noticed. Two hours slip by before Kirishima insists that Bakugou make a wish and eat cake before everyone gets too drunk too. The entire house drunkenly sings happy birthday but Bakugou notices a voice missing. Yours that's just a touch off key, not to mention he didn't hear you say the stupid nickname 'Suki' where his name should be in the song. Plus you weren't one to miss out on dessert. For as long as Bakugou has been working with you, you never turned down the opportunity for sweets. Whether that was taking the long way back to the agency to try to catch a certain street vendor or to hover by the deserts at a party to pick the very best treat.

And if it was a birthday party, you never could shut up that y'all could not leave until after they blew out the candles and made a wish.

His eyes linger for a second longer, making sure he didn't miss you before his heart sinks. He takes in a sharp inhale, thinks on his wish and blows out the candles.

Meanwhile you hear the cheers of everyone down stairs and sob into your knees. You missed your favorite part of birthdays. Of hoping they make a wish that comes true, of watching their face as they think of something quickly or how some people tear up when they finally realize just how loved they are on their birthday.

It isn't long after that do you hear the sound of combat boots on shingles. Whipping your head up in the direction of the sound. Stomach clenching with guilt as you watch Bakugou walking towards you with a slice of cake.

"Brought ya some cake, since I didn't hear you sing off key to me." He says sinking down beside you as you furiously wipe at your tears.

"I'm-um."

"You don't gotta explain yourself to me." He snarls as you stare dumbly at your cake, "You know that."

"I know…" Silence passes slowly, the moon shines overhead and the party carries on below.

"Well, I'm waiting!" Bakugou says dramatically, "You gonna sing or am I gonna have to sing to myself?"

"Oh." It makes you giggle a bit before you blush, realizing he is serious. You take a deep breath before singing "just off key" when you don't, to him.

"Sukiiiiii!" Relief washes over his features when he hears the dumb ass name, "Happy birthday to youuuuuu!"

"Okay, now you can eat the damn cake." He grunts, his smile never wavering as he looks to the empty street below. You follow his eyes, chewing the inside of your lip, setting the cake down.

"What'd you wish for…" Curiosity gets the better of you and earns his intense gaze. He smirks, scoffing at the end.

"You always say you shouldn't tell or it won't come true." He laughs at your pout, before he finally admits "I wished for courage."

With a furrowed brow you give him a puzzled look, he just holds your gaze.

"Why? You're like the bravest hero I know!" Bakugou can hear the truth in your voice, you aren't saying it just to fucking stroke his ego.

You actually meant it, making this conversation that much harder.

"Yea except when it comes to this one thing I want to do. Its fuckin easy and I've done it hundreds of times just as I'm about to do it I fucking back down cause I'm probably fuckin reading into things too much." He leans in closer, again his smell mesmerizes you, causing your body to visibly relax, "Too much of a fuckin bitch, thinking she doesn't want me like I want her. So I wished for the courage to follow through. To fuckin' just do it."

Your heart is racing out of your chest before one of his hands finds the nape of your neck pulling you into a feverish kiss. Teeth gnashing from the passion, lips perfectly modeling to the other before tongues lightly dance around one another. Lengthening seconds into hours with just a few head tilts and plush lips. You moan into his mouth, he pulls away, eyes clouded with lust as a string of spit connects your tongues. He pants, face flushed and his hand warm, almost burning at the nape of your neck, the shingle by his hand charred from restraint as he pants out.

"I wished for you."

[idiopath-fic-smile]

thewalrus-said

oh my god, geoff as a werewolf. please. i would read it.

okay, tell u what, i will post what i had, which was more than i remembered.

for anyone who wants to follow along at home:

nicodemus "nic" silver is a fictitious former reporter and current fictitious podcaster, host of the equally fictitious podcast Tanis, which concerns paranormal happenings around a migratory patch of forest. i can no longer remember if it's canon that he has a dog, or if my friends and i simply decided it was so. at one point, he is drugged by enemies, but don't worry, he's fine. he is canonically kind of oblivious, although i don't think he was written this way on purpose. it is, however, definitely In The Text.

geoff van sant is his friend, an interview subject who continues to hang around the edges of the narrative. he was in the military for a while. he mentions in passing talking to a woman named Sheila, which i only mention because it comes up here. he has a very friendly, bro-y energy and is helpful to the point of being a little mysterious. like he canonically lives an hour away but is always 100% prepared to drive out to wherever nic is. the show Tanis (which i did not finish and probably wouldn't recommend [ETA: DEFINITELY would not recommend]) has its reasons for why this is, and i've got mine.

story piece under the cut.

(trigger warnings for fleeting violence, and a brief discussion or two around the fact that nic was canonically drugged against his will at one point. further trigger warning that it happens again here, although geoff finds him and intervenes before anything happens.)

They were sitting on Nic’s front porch, starting in on their second beers and petting Nic’s ridiculous dog (Ness—allegedly a history reference and not some stealth lake creature joke but Geoff wanted proof, man) when Nic said, out of the blue, “Hey, so I have this thing on Thursday, if you—”

Geoff swallowed just this side of too fast and tried to ignore the way Nic had pushed all the words out in one breath, the nervous clench of Nic’s fingers around the bottle, the absence of the audio recorder. None of that meant anything. 

For the first, oh, five or six months they’d known each other, Geoff had watched for signs like it was his goddamn job, like he was the noir detective Nic sometimes played at being—looks that lasted too long, smiles that didn’t quite make sense, any clue that the chemistry wasn’t one hundred percent one-sided. 

But a year out from that first night at the bar, and none of it had amounted to anything. Nic still didn’t call without a reason, still responded to flirting with the same ducked head and muted laugh, no followthrough. Signs surfaced left and right but Geoff was 0 for about a thousand. False positives, far as the eye could see. Sooner or later, a guy got tired. Took a hint. Moved on.

Or, you know. Stopped jumping on the freeway to Seattle any time his phone rang, but—well. The embarrassing truth was: even more than wanting to suck his dick, Geoff just liked the guy. Nic was fun, easy to talk to. When you told him a story, you pretty much always got the reaction you were going for. Might’ve been a reporter thing, coaxing out the details, but Geoff chalked it up to something less calculated, more basic. Deep down, Nic Silver wanted to be impressed. He wanted to be interested. He wanted shit to move him and change him. It was hard to turn your back on that.

Also, he had a fucking great dog.

The sentence hung half-finished in the air for the space of a full inhale and exhale.

“If I...” Geoff filled in. As conversational volleys went, hardly a gold medal move. No way did it merit Nic falling silent, picking at the bottle label with a thumbnail.

“Do you know Forest Park?” said Nic. “In—that’s out by you, right?”

“Practically my backyard,” said Geoff, keeping his face as neutral as he could. Did he know Forest Park. At this point, all too fucking well. 

He’d liked camping, once. He was almost sure of that.

“Because there’s—there’s this cultist,” Nic went on, and Geoff took another long pull of beer, less to hide his disappointment and more a bitter little toast to the universe. Of course there was a cultist. There was always a cultist. Geoff knew that by now. Should’ve known it. “Or, an ex-cultist, really, who said they wanted to meet up and tell me the truth about Paul, whatever that means. And the only place they’re willing to talk is—”

“The middle of the woods?” said Geoff. “Nic, buddy, hate to say it, but have you considered maybe it’s not a renegade but just a couple of true believer girls who wanna have their way with your nubile podcaster body? ‘Cause that is a problem you have in your life sometimes.”

It no longer counted as flirting, Geoff figured, if you didn’t do it with any real intent, any goal beyond the hilarity of watching Nic stumble with his words.

“I don’t really have, uh, any way of verifying what they’re after,” Nic said. “That’s why I was gonna ask if you wanted to maybe come along. Last time, with the thermos and the, the blindfold, that was—that was helpful, so.”

If today was the day Nic Silver admitted that only dumbasses visited super fucking shady mystery locations by themselves—the next mouthful of pale ale suddenly tasted that much brighter.

“How many more times do I play bodyguard for you before I start asking for benefits and dental?” Geoff said with a grin.

Nic coughed. “I thought maybe I could cover dinner beforehand,” he said. “If that, uh, works for. you.” NO HOMO, screamed his hunched-up shoulders, his downcast eyes, his thumbnail still doing damage to the beer label.

“Sure,” said Geoff, light as he possibly could. He nudged Nic in the side: Hey, just a pair of dudes being bros being pals, nothing to worry about. “Steak and lobster’s on you, then, man.”

“You don’t like lobster,” Nic reminded him. “You said the idea of it grosses you out, that it’s too close to eating a giant chewy bug.”

“Sounds like something I’d say,” Geoff agreed. Nic smiled at him, nudged him back for no clear reason. Geoff opened his mouth to point this out and then didn’t.

“So,” said Nic, reaching across him to pull Ness back by the collar before she could knock over the empties. He straightened back up, pushing the hair out of his eyes. “Uh, day after tomorrow at 7:30?”

“Sounds great,” Geoff mumbled, distracted. Did Nic usually smell that good? Then again, everything from the beer on his tongue to the line of the sky against the ground felt sharper than usual. More vital.

Pieces started to slide into place just then. Shit. Geoff reached into his pocket, unlocked his phone, opened the app he’d downloaded two months ago and checked the calendar. 

Yup.

“Shit, sorry,” Geoff said, running a hand through his hair. “I actually—I can’t, I’ve got something that night.”

“Like what?”

“Plans.” He slipped his phone back into his pocket. With any luck, Nic would drop it.

“What type of plans?” said Nic, and okay, Geoff could’ve seen that coming.

“It’s not—people make plans sometimes.” At the end of the day, Geoff was not great at lying, but he’d gotten decent at muddying the waters. He tried for a grin. “Feels like I should be insulted you’re this surprised I might have friends outside of you.” 

Nic’s lips thinned, almost imperceptible. “Plans with Sheila?”

It took a second to even understand what he was getting at. “What,” said Geoff, laughing, “with my sixty-year-old dental hygienist? I’m sure Sheila parties hard, but—” He shook his head. “Not so much.” 

Could’ve been his imagination but he thought he saw Nic’s shoulders settle. 

Nic had a whole social circle of his own. He had no right to be possessive of Geoff’s friendship. Nine out of ten days, it would’ve pissed Geoff off. Probably better to blow right past whatever part of his psyche was all but wagging its tail right now at the thought of Nic being possessive of him. Wagging its tail, or curling up at Nic’s feet. 

“Is it a military thing?” Nic said at last.

Geoff breathed through his nose. “Ex-military,” he said. “But yeah.” You could argue that wasn’t even a lie. “Like, a recovery treatment kind of thing.” Okay: complete and utter horseshit, but in a ‘necessarily evil’ kind of way. At Nic’s furrowing brow, he added, “It’s ongoing.” 

For some reason, that was the word Nic seemed to really find reassuring: Ongoing. Geoff’s plans were ongoing, alright. Ongoing for the rest of his fucking life, however long that was. He took another swig of beer. Here’s to you, universe. At least you know your way around irony. Kudos, asshole.

“Well, I don’t want to keep you from that,” said Nic.

“Can’t you reschedule?”

“I don’t have a way of contacting them,” said Nic, because of course he fucking didn’t. Of course. “Look, we’re meeting up right by the parking lot. It’s a well-traveled area. I don’t really think anything will happen.”

“Historically, how’s that worked out for you?” said Geoff, without thinking about it. He always forgot how spotty his impulse control got until it was too late.

Nic frowned.

Maybe, thought Geoff, it wouldn’t all be a fucking shitshow.

A guy could dream.

***

A guy could dream. He could. Didn’t mean Geoff was surprised when it all went to hell. 

In the end, there wasn’t time for surprise, bounding into a moonlit clearing to see three strangers trying to drag Nic’s limp body across the ground. Geoff didn’t think. He lunged.

It was nothing like Afghanistan. There was no calculation, no strategy. He didn’t need one. Instinct pulled at him like an undertow, drove him forward. None of the men had thought to bring a weapon. Stupid. He threw his full weight at them, reared away when one man kicked him hard in the side, bared his teeth, and lunged again.

In his peripheral vision, a flicker as Nic lifted his head. Conscious, then. But sluggish, distant, a chemical tang underlying his usual smell. They’d drugged him.

Geoff wheeled back to face the strangers. All three had heavy boots, clenched fists, some amount of combat training. Fighting to stand their ground, but their nervous sweat carried on the wind. They were afraid of him.

Good.

***

Geoff came to with the first weak rays of sun streaming through the nylon of his tent. Every muscle ached. His arms and legs felt out of joint, like his whole body had been broken and then jammed back together in the dark. Go figure. He stretched as well as he could in the narrow space. Geoff didn’t need much room on his own—morning after an outing like this, and all he generally wanted to do was shut his eyes and lie real fucking still.

Not in the cards today, though. Not after last night. Fuck.

Could’ve been a lot worse. He’d managed to run the men off, no other witnesses in sight. Nic had been docile to a degree that was honestly frightening, but with-it enough to let Geoff guide him to safety. Unharmed, far as Geoff had been able to tell. Now he was sleeping, judging from the steady, even breaths. Thank god for that.

Geoff shook himself, trying to unstick the urge that tugged at him to crawl over and fit himself against Nic’s side, bury his face in Nic’s chest and drink in the tick of that heartbeat. Objectively, it was creepy as fuck. Geoff knew that. Most of Geoff knew that.

Point was, Nic would be up soon, and that meant Geoff needed to pull himself together. Act fast. Come up with a cover story. What had he been doing in the woods? How had he found Nic’s attackers? Could he chalk that up to the military background, too? Sooner or later, it was bound to wear thin.

Inside of his mouth felt thick and sticky, bitter but not metallic. Probably not blood, then. Just dehydration. He’d stashed a water bottle in the tent someplace, but—he scratched at the hinge of his jaw. Something dark flaked off under his fingers. This time, it might’ve been blood. Not his. 

So, there was that.

He really, really had to get moving. He knew this. He turned to squint at the tent flap, wondering if he could make it out and back in time to—

“...Geoff?” Nic mumbled. 

Shit.

“Uh, yeah, buddy?” Geoff twisted his neck back around, trying to keep his voice level.

Nic stared up at him, pupils too wide, even for the dim tent. Still flying high, then. Probably for the best, although seeing him like this made Geoff’s skin crawl.

“You were right,” Nic managed. “I think that was a set-up. With the—but after the guys, I thought I saw—makes no fucking sense, because it seemed like it had, uh, human cognition, awareness, but it was a—”

“You’re fine,” said Geoff quickly. Too quickly. Nic tilted his head to one side, slow, like a cartoon deer and Geoff looked back at his open, trusting face and cast around for the least disturbing explanation. Whatever the hell that was. “It’s nothing,” he heard himself say. “Just a dream.”

If they were both very lucky, Nic would forget this conversation by morning. 

“I’m dreaming?” said Nic.

Geoff took a deep breath, pinned all his hopes to Nic’s skeptical streak. “Doesn’t that make more sense than whatever wild shit you thought you saw?”

Nic mulled this over. He craned his neck to fix Geoff with a long, considering look. “Is that why.”

“Is that why what,” Geoff prompted, itching at that spot on his jaw again. What were the odds he’d have time to wash his face before Nic woke up for real? 

“Is that why you’re naked,” said Nic.

Geoff froze. He was naked because, far as he knew, there was no way to hold onto your clothes through a full—shifting, transformation, whatever. Fuck, did he wish there was. Never more than right now, with Nic blinking up at him.

Well. People’s subconsciouses came up with all kinds of weird shit every day.

“Uh, yep,” he said. “It’s, uh—Look, doesn’t mean anything, don’t worry about it.”

“I’m not,” said Nic. He swallowed. “Not worried.”

Come to think of it, Nic really should’ve been. If Geoff had been drugged against his will and then woke up in a tent with a naked guy, he would’ve punched that man in the teeth and ran for the hills, no matter who it was. Then again, maybe Nic was just too high to put it all together.

“It’s cool,” said Geoff. “I’m just gonna stay on this side of the tent, and—”

“No,” said Nic. "C’mere.” He—”beckoned” was way too precise for his sweeping, noodly arm motion, but it had that general shape. When Geoff didn’t jump to follow, he waved his arm again. “Geoff,” he said, louder, insistent.

Geoff looked around sharply, out of habit. Forest Park had trails and stuff, but camping here wasn’t technically allowed. Geoff only went because it was closest, and driving could be a problem around this time of month. Slipping under the radar was the name of the game.

“Shh,” said Geoff.

“C’mere.” Even louder.

Mentally, he weighed the pros and cons. He would’ve rather kept his distance, for a lot of reasons, but priority one had to be keeping Nic safe, which meant keeping him calm. Priority two was dodging an arrest for vagrancy. Last thing Geoff needed was a record. Priority three—well, priority three was everything else, including how bad it hurt to move.

Geoff gritted his teeth and picked his way over to where Nic lay curled on one side. “Hey,” said Nic with a vacant smile. He gave another noodly arm wave. “C’mere.” It was hard to get much closer. Not without bringing his naked body uncomfortably into Nic’s space. Geoff levered himself back to the floor of the tent until they were lying side by side, faces level, like two kids on a camping trip. One with more s’mores and singalongs, less blood and claws and trespassing. “Nic,” he said, “Man. Bad news. If you’re about to tell me the secrets of the universe, none of it’s gonna make any sense to you tomorrow.” Nic’s flailing hand landed on Geoff’s bare shoulder. Geoff watched his eyebrows knit together, unable to take in the fact of flesh and muscle and bones. Just as well that Nic was visibly still tripping. He was barely here right now, not in any way that mattered, and that made it easier not to give in and wrap both arms around him, breathe in the smell of coffee and ginger shampoo. That constant ache to reach out went beyond a pang in the chest. It weighed on his skin, crept into his joints, ground at the back of his throat like little pieces of glass. But it wasn’t so bad like this. Geoff lay still, let Nic marvel at the texture of his shoulder or what-the-fuck-ever, counting the seconds until Nic lost interest, lost consciousness. Couldn’t be long. His eyes were already almost at half-mast. Nic would let go and nod off, and then Geoff would be able to crawl out of the tent, retrieve his nearest stash of clothes, get dressed and make a plan. Wasn’t so bad. Nic dragged his palm up the nape of Geoff’s neck, threaded his fingers into Geoff’s hair. Geoff swallowed. “It’s so soft,” said Nic. “That’s—that’s really just the nature of hair, buddy,” Geoff told him, level as possible. Nic hummed and swept his fingertips across Geoff’s scalp again, slower. “Like petting a spaniel,” he mumbled. Geoff dug his nails into the meat of his palms and counted to five, trying not to close his eyes against the feeling of a hand in his hair. How long since anyone had touched him like this? Impossible to say. It’d been a rough night, a rough week, a rough decade, and Geoff hurt all over, just wanted to sleep, just wanted to cuddle up to Nic and stretch this moment out, make it last as long as he could. His willpower was always the weakest the morning after a change. Every craving felt like a good idea. He felt his head tip forward. Nic laughed, seemingly at nothing, the way very stoned people did sometimes, and Geoff’s stomach curdled. No way around it: this was a fucked up thing to do with a guy too out of it to remember his own phone number. He started to pull back. Nic tugged on a fistful of hair, just hard enough to make Geoff’s nerve endings sing. Nic did it again, and Geoff’s mind went so blank that he did a very stupid thing: he let his eyes slip shut for a second, long enough to catch his breath. 

Also long enough, it turned out, for Nic to press their mouths together. Geoff shoved him away. Nic tried to grab at him again, but it was no contest. Weak and shaky as Geoff was, it still felt like wrestling a kitten. Took about two moves to capture both Nic’s wrists, pin them to the ground. Nic looked slowly from Geoff’s face back to Geoff’s hands wrapped around his wrists and beamed like it was Christmas morning. Shit. Geoff let go in a hurry, scrambled to the other side of the tent. “Not happening,” Geoff told him firmly. “Absolutely not fucking happening.” Whatever they’d dosed him with, it must’ve had ecstasy in it or something. Geoff tried to force the bile back down his throat, tried to focus on something else. Anything else. The rush of blood in his ears. The birds resolutely chirping outside. The steady rise and fall of Nic’s breathing, finally starting to even out. Just before Nic went under again, Geoff thought he might’ve heard him mutter, “This dream is disappointing.” ‘Fucking tell me about it,’ thought Geoff.

[agallimaufryofoddments]

I regret overtly "putting aside Elmer’s tendency to be sidetracked with aforementioned ‘smile projects'" when writing that speculative post a while back on what theoretical impact Huey's request for Elmer to "remain the same" actually had on Elmer's quest for a universal "Happy Ending." I ended up imbuing Huey's request with much more import than I thought it actually possessed, which undermined that of Elmer's "tendency" in the process.

In practice, Elmer's sidetracking is the obvious direct / immediate impediment to Elmer's envisioned (universal) "Happy Ending." Elmer is the Gamer™ who takes forever to finish a game's main storyline because he keeps accepting side quests and pursuing them to completion. 

On that note, @toushindai​ once wondered if there’s something to the fact that Bride and Elmer both like video games. I suspect the stimulation of dopamine may be of relevance to both, considering Bride’s drug use and Elmer’s extreme childhood maltreatment. Both impact the brain’s dopamine system; drug use decreases dopamine function, causing drug users to seek out ‘hits’, while childhood trauma & stress damages the brain (pp. 58–59) and its dopamine system during development. Bride and Elmer may be chasing after ‘dopamine hits’ via video games...

...just as Elmer gets his fix through other people’s smiles. Addiction, thy name is sabotage.

The most damning (ha) case in point for Elmer is, of course, his deal with the (so-called) devil c.f. 1711/12, as depicted in Volume 5.

It’s within that volume that Elmer famously declares "for the sake of a happy ending, I’d sell everyone in the world to the devil without a second thought.” This is the man who not only met the devil c. 290 years prior, but was offered the chance to be granted “some sort of power.”

Elmer could have wished for the power to give everyone a Happy Ending—but, when presented with the "demon’s” face, what does he do? He asks the demon to show him a smile. He wants his fix, he has his fix, and so it goes, and so goes his chance to sell everyone in the world to the devil. 

Or, at least, his chance to give the devil a really good marketing pitch as to why he should purchase the souls of all humanity for the price of a Happy Ending. Elmer is the sort of person who would do that, in theory, and perhaps he would have—had Ronny kept his face concealed. Lucky for us that the devil has a vain streak, eh?

Now, to Elmer’s credit, he does think over Ronny’s offer for a little while before he makes his request; it would be uncharitable to consider this a case of “Elmer’s ‘addiction’ winning out’ and not a potential case of Elmer’s cleverness at work. In meeting the devil and thus becoming assured of his existence, Elmer has one more entity to pencil in on his Happy Ending ark’s passenger list. How can he be sure that the devil won’t miss out on his own happy ending if they make a deal? If the devil can’t smile on demand, then Elmer has quite a bit of work to do before everyone’s happiness can be assured.

To Elmer’s additional credit, his amended wish—that Ronny accompany Maiza until Maiza and hopefully Ronny also can smile—is definitely not a wish with an immediate reward. It’s not even a wish with a ballpark ETA. Granted, Elmer is already experienced in patient addiction via Huey; if he can wait on Huey, he can certainly wait on a demon. One might even go so far as to call his amended wish a two-smiles-with-one-stone strategy; he throws a stone at Goliath and Goliath’s summoner a few centuries in advance with the intention of eventually collecting on the devil’s debt. 

You know, when the devil has been softened in his old friendship. Great time to unleash the marketing pitch, right? Let’s renegotiate that deal with the devil business. Elmer is the special sort of person who would take the devil smiling as a sign that the person has gotten the better end of the deal. Anyone else might think, Uh oh, I’ve made a mistake, but no, Elmer would thank the devil and say “since you’re in a good mood now all according to keikaku”Pst, you wanna buy humankind? All it’ll cost is one Happy Ending” and at that point the devil is the one thinking uh oh, I’ve made a mistake!—

—Ahem.

"Or perhaps” Elmer really just can’t resist a smile and squandered his deal with the not-a-demon-or-devil because look, the guy’s face was right there, can you blame a Junkie? Something something dopamine. Repeat eternally ad nauseum every time Elmer comes across a mini-Elmer or, heaven forbid, the heretics who are so unfortunate as to be smileless in his line of vision. Never mind that the majority of the smileless population are only temporarily smileless, never mind that!

(Someone ultra-charitable might entertain that Elmer’s “sell the world” declaration was one said by an older and wiser Elmer, an Elmer who in retrospect regrets not having sold humanity to the devil when he had the devil’s ear. Elmer, older? Absolutely. Elmer, wiser? ... Elmer, regrets? The fellow just reaped Maiza’s smile, thereby confirming the devil kept up that part of the bargain. How can he regret a high when he’s still riding it? He’s probably recalculating the probability of seeing Ronny’s smile with this new information. Oh, you’d like to ask him once he’s come down; well, he’ll be busy chasing his next high, but let’s see what we can do—pencil in regrets from September 2002 to September 2002, squeeze in your meeting for 200X assuming he is still alive...)

[booasaur]

Just saw your gif set about Audrey and Till. When season 2 started and Audrey changed to a completely new character I thought the writers just didn't know what to do with her, same with Wilfords sudden obsession with her when until then he was all like "Melanie, Melanie, Snowpiercer" but now I actually think the Audrey thing makes sense. She had the opportunity to develop and grow without her abuser and then was trust upon him again and started regressing into the person she knew he would love, and she has been chasing that from that moment on. But then they got back to the train all those things happened and I think she saw Wilford like that and the hero worship, obsession and "love" that she thought she felt disappeared, I think Audrey can only be interested in a cunning and dangerous Wilford because that was how he groomed her, now tho he has nothing and once again they are being kept apart so I think she is having a easier time going back to who she was

I'm just still really confused, because she doesn't seem--well, I mean, I suppose that's maybe realistic, too, that someone who doesn't seem or even isn't outwardly horrible could still love and be with a terrible person...? But then the way she acted when he was all shaken after waking up again, that was pretty brutal. And the thing is, unlike in real life where people can be pretty isolated from the effects of their family's horrible actions, she could see it all very up close.

But tbh, I think you have the reason for the switch in your post, but it's not necessarily, or only, about Audrey's character so much as that they needed someone to fill in that role once Melanie was out. Or maybe even more than that, the show needed for Wilford to have someone on his side, someone interesting that we cared about, not just poor Kevin, as everyone else slowly moved over to Layton's side. Audrey certainly offered that, and indeed, could offer a more interesting angle about surviving through all this, especially when she realizes even Wilford is now allying with Alex and presumably Layton.

I'm actually not opposed to this ship at all, two first season characters who are legit interesting and have actual roles in the show that aren't guest star love interest, I mean, that's actually pretty great on paper. And they've taken the time to actually give them interactions and screentime together this season soooo. As long as this isn't something because the writers ran out of what to do with one or both and the next step is to kill off one or both for angst, I could be pretty into them.

ETA on April 3, 2022: 

Actually, I’ve really rethought what I wrote here, based on rewatching s2, which, my bad, I must have just blanked out a ton of. When I’d watched live, I’d still been very annoyed at Jinju’s disappearance, a double whammy of homophobia and racism in wiping out a significant queer Asian character without any mention from Bess and Melanie, and skimmed a lot and what I did watch, I didn’t fully take in or absorb, I guess?

Because I seem to have skipped or plain forgotten major chunks of the story that were quite relevant to Audrey’s characterization. The more I rewatched, the more started to come back but none of that had been in mind when I was watching the end of s2 or s3.

She was groomed, as you said, anon, and I think a lot of what came after was to try to justify that, to make it worth it. She was actually scared of going back to him at first and warned the rest about him. They sent her back, to be their spy, and she even seemed to try to resist falling back into his thrall, like, he’d made her cut her freaking wrists. And we know how hard it is to resist him, look at poor Alex too, who’s only a little younger than Audrey was he got her hooks into her, since at 18 she was already with him.

And when Wilford was weaker in s3 after waking up from the suspension drug, for a bit, what really got to me during Audrey’s rant was her saying “science is nothing without power, you told me that”. She’s really just trying to justify her past actions AND what happened to her, that it was all necessary. Because if it wasn’t, then not only are all her horrible choices and decisions pointless but so was everything that happened to her.

So yeah, while she has done a lot of bad things and encouraged and ignored more, and turned in s2, as you said, into a seemingly almost completely different person, indulging in alcohol and orgies and turning a blind eye to Wilford’s cruelty, with the previous context, I’m much more willing to forgive her as a victim of abuse who fell back into destructive patterns when her abuser returned.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 315: I Didn’t Expect This to Blow Up

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “guess which plot that you thought was dead is actually not dead and is making a comeback!” and we were all “EVIL HPSC??” and he was all “girl you know it,” and that’s the story of how we got a sexy Lady Nagant flashback with lots of guns and murder. Flashback!Lady was all “gotta murder peeps to preserve the people’s trust,” but then a little while later she was like “actually wait that makes no sense,” and so she shot her evil boss and they sent her to jail. Back in the present, Deku was all “okay fair, the hero system might in fact be a little fucked up, but hear me out... have you considered not helping AFO take over the world so he can murder like a bazillion more innocent people??” The chapter ended with the not-all-there Overhaul finally revealing himself to Deku, and I honestly have no idea where this is gonna go.

Today on BnHA: In what is unfortunately the single worst plan ever concocted by anyone in BnHA, Nagant is all “I’m going to try and get this Deku kid to panic and freeze up by putting someone in mortal danger.” Deku is all, “[doesn’t panic and freeze up at the sight of someone in mortal danger].” Nagant is all “omg no way.” Deku, who is now all of a sudden being so OP that even I have to acknowledge that it’s OP lol, is all “[smashes Nagant’s gun arm to bits]”, which sucks but is also really cool, and which also apparently makes Nagant decide that she actually likes this kid after all. Deku is all “NAGANT I REALLY LIKE YOU AND THINK YOU’RE GREAT SO PLEASE JOIN UP WITH ME AND STOP BEING EVIL.” Nagant is all “aw shucks (✿ •͈ᴗ•͈) well okay then” and everyone is all “( ･◡･) ✰ ( ˆᴗˆ ) ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ ⁎)” and then Nagant FUCKING EXPLODES LIKE AN EGG IN THE MICROWAVE AND FALLS TO HER DEATH!!!! except not really because Hawks saves her??? In conclusion, (a) THE FUCK, and (b) AFO TURN ON YOUR LOCATION I JUST WANT TO TALK.

so I have to tell you guys something, which is that barely ten minutes after I made that “please don’t send me spoilers” post the other day, someone replied to the comments in a stunning fit of “tell me that you’re twelve without actually telling me you’re twelve” energy and posted what seemed to be the copy-pasted spoiler summary from reddit or twitter or whatever lol. so here is my good news/bad news rundown of all that

good news: I have very well-conditioned ABORT!! reflexes and have trained myself to immediately look away from the screen (usually in dramatic fashion) as soon as I realize that whatever I’m reading is a spoiler

bad news: unfortunately as I was subsequently deleting said comments, I accidentally read the very last one

good news??: said spoiler was so unbelievably, absurdly over-the-top that I’m almost positive this person was just trolling. like, there’s just no way lmao

bad news: but in the unlikely event that it is true I will absolutely lose my shit I swear to god

(ETA: “NAGANT DIES.” that was the spoiler I read lol. like, literally all I read from the person���s comments was “My Hero Academia Chapter 315 Title: “Beautiful Words.” Chapter starts with...” and then I noped out of there, and then of all the comments to read as I was deleting, it had to be that one lol. I seriously was just like “SURE, JAN.” all “just how gullible do you think I am” sob. but I was wrong. a troll, but an honest troll they remain.

but anyways like I’m pretty sure Nagant isn’t even actually dead lol, so in the end this whole little adventure doesn’t even have a point to it, but for me it was a journey!)

anyway, so there are apparently two versions of the chapter today?? no idea what the difference is, but I’m going to go with the Bean version, because it’s the one at the top and I don’t feel like making decisions today

huh, so Overhaul is actually more coherent than Horikoshi was letting on

look at him having a whole back and forth conversation with her. side note, how is he still this jacked when he’s been sitting in a cell doing absolutely nothing for the past six months

anyway so he says he’ll go with her on one condition. I wonder what that condition could possibly be. do you think it could be the thing he literally hasn’t shut up about ever since he reappeared lol

yep! and damn -- maybe this guy will surprise me after all

still would be nice if you also felt a bit sorry for the little girl you tortured and traumatized, but this is something at least. maybe Deku will yell at him for that other stuff lol

(ETA: also can’t help but wonder if he wants to make amends because he put him in a coma, or because his plan was a failure and ended up destroying the family. just hoping you’ve finally had that “hurting other people is bad” epiphany dude.)

anyways so now Nagant’s arm is transforming again, and this particular transformation happens to be the only truly unsexy thing that Nagant has done thus far so I’m just gonna skip right on ahead lol

aaaaand we’re back to the delirious ranting

buddy. just. read the fucking room, guy

wow she really is aiming at Overhaul, then. those theories were spot-on

damn she’s really out here all “it really fucks with kids’ heads when you kill people right in front of them and make them blame themselves” like yo

I’m picturing her saying all this in a very loud stage-whispery tone while making very significant eye contact with Deku lol

uh oh but wait

um. okay. who’s gonna tell her. Nagant I might have some bad news for you about the kid you’re trying to capture here. specifically about the way he tends to do the opposite of what you’re thinking that he’s about to do

holy shit

so it’s basically just “tap x repeatedly to charge up your attack” lol

and okay, so that’s cool and all, but is anyone else wincing at the thought of what that must be like on his knees. oh to be young

anyway, but so to the surprise of basically no one, Deku did not, in fact, freeze. I am very sorry, Nagant. he’s just like this

LMAO

someone wanna tell me how getting yoloed in the fucking ribs by this fucking slingshot kid moving at literal sniper bullet speed is in any way even remotely better than getting hit by the bullet itself lol

(ETA: this is 10x funnier now that we know the bullet wasn’t even gonna hit him lmao.)

anyway so now Nagant is having an extended “!?!?!?” reaction about how Deku just moved with no hesitation, and I’m starting to get an inkling of fear that the rest of this fight isn’t going to go very well for her and maybe that’s what all the “hoo boy” is about

oh my god Deku are you about to Gomu Gomu no Rocket yourself at her you insane little man

now Three is popping up again and he’s all “I see you’ve learned your lesson and are now only using three quirks at once instead of five” like with all this effusive praise about how great and badass Deku is and sob, okay, yeah. this chapter is basically one of those machines that shoots tennis balls at people, except instead of tennis balls it shoots hot piping discourse

OH MY GOD

YOOOOOOOOOO but also, NOOOOOOOOOOO

lol oh my god it’s literally two opposing reactions at once wtf. do I love this or hate this. like just for once can Horikoshi actually let a badass lady character win their fucking fight without getting their arm ripped off, BUT ALSO fucking look at that absurdly cool “SMASH” onomatopoeia though. it looks like it’s about to float right off the page holy shit that’s some seriously good art

anyway so is this really the end?? do I need to break out my ಠ_ಠ faces

lmao okay yeah I can definitely see how this would piss a lot of people off

he basically one-shotted her and she’s all “damn this kid is so amazing that I’m about to do a complete 180 turn on all of my previous angst” lmao. Horikoshi is really shounening it up today

on the plus side though, maybe this means there’s still a chance for her to join up with him after all? unless that spoiler was true lmao, then all hell is gonna break loose

YESSSSSSS

OH MY GOD AND HE SAYS THE BULLET WOULDN’T HAVE DONE MORE THAN GRAZE OVERHAUL ANYWAY, wow, I’m actually more relieved by that than I would have expected. I mean I would have forgiven her either way, but it means that there was still more hero in her than she was letting on

YES!!! FUCKING YES, THANK YOU

lol but I mean, it’s also like, “oh so today they get to have brain cells”, thank you so much lol. sometimes it’s really hard to tell which times we’re supposed to question these character decisions that seem dumb, and which times we’re just supposed to full on embrace them and switch off our critical thinking

but okay, so in this case it really was Nagant going easy on him on purpose, and not just her fucking up for no good reason even though she used to do this for a living and was the best in the game. and I know in this case it’s probably just Horikoshi giving us some consolation headpats to soften the blow of her losing so abruptly, but you know what, shit. I’ll take it

also you guys the light is coming back into Deku’s eyes again for just a moment here and I’m having feels about it?? the way it still comes back when he’s reaching out to save someone, and following his own hero path instead of the much darker and lonelier Christopher Nolan path that’s been laid out for him instead that he never wanted?? it’s both reassuring and also very sad

YESSSSSSSSSSS

DO IT LADY OMG PLEASE?? PLEASE COME BE HIS NEW IRRESPONSIBLE ADULT SUPERVISION YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO

AHHHHHHH SHE’S GONNA DO IT AHHHH

p.s. I am now absolutely scared shitless that that spoiler was actually true sob. swear to god, I will throw this manga into a fucking volcano. but we’re almost at the end of the chapter and this seems just WAY TOO GOOD to be true fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck f

UCK

NOPE NAH SEND IT BACK, NOPE, NUH UH, DIDN’T ORDER THIS. “GULLIBLE” OKAY FUCK YOU?? “COUNTERMEASURES” NOPE, DON’T NEED ‘EM, WE’RE ALL FINE HERE. WE’RE ACTUALLY GOOD SO YOU CAN JUST GO, OKAY. PLEASE

fuck, lol, I don’t wanna do it. I don’t wanna scroll down what have I ever done to deserve this oh my god

WHAT THE HONEY-ROASTED FUCK

WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKING VOLCANO IN ICELAND THAT I KEEP SEEING ALL THESE PICTURES OF. WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT. LET’S GO

ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW

can someone please give AFO a really good, sharpish kick in the balls. just really let him have it. I’m so tired, what the fuck

-- ARE YOU KIDDING ME LOL WHAT

bro. I was literally going through my Excel folders to find the spreadsheet about female characters in BnHA that I made back when Midnight died. was gearing myself up for a wholeass rant. and honestly I might just let all of that continue simmering on low to keep it warm just in case lol, because to tell you the truth I have absolutely no idea what’s happening right now

my girl straight up does not have a face. she used to have a face. people usually need those, idk. like, even if she’s alive, her gorgeous eyebrows are definitely not making it out of this and I’m gonna throw a funeral just for them

how the fuck did AFO just blow her up?? how did he know what was going on?? and if he had a quirk that could explode people at will, why is this the first we’re hearing of it?? you’d think that might have come in handy at Kamino or Jakku, like what

(ETA: present!me, who’s had more than three hours of sleep and can now actually remember facts about the series, would like to remind past!me that AFO gave Nagant a quirk, and so this is probably just more Vestige shenanigans now on his part. that’s also probably why Air Walk suddenly stopped working out of nowhere. still doesn’t explain why he doesn’t go around blowing people up more often though but maybe he thinks it’s gauche.)

Hawks just straight up out of nowhere. just Mirioed his way straight into the chapter just in time to be too late sob. here I was looking forward to seeing your face when Deku showed up with his new best friend. can’t believe Horikoshi deprived us of that moment

on the plus side, WELCOME BACK, HAWKS’S FEATHERS. I have no doubt that in this chapter of Deku being an almighty threequirk-mastering god, and Nagant losing anticlimactically only to be immediately blown up because girl characters in BnHA can only be cool for one fight and one fight only, there are still some people who are focusing solely on the “how dare Hawks get his wings back when he is a MURDERER this is an outrage what about CONSEQUENCES” discourse, and to hell with all the other discourses lmao

anyway, so yeah. wow. and now it’s just occurring to me that maybe the real reason why Overhaul is there is so he can get a head start on that amend-making by actually doing a good thing for once in his life, and using his quirk to heal Nagant. assuming he can still do that

and so now Horikoshi has got me out here actually rooting for Overhaul. you know what, on that note I think I’m just gonna go ahead and call it a day sob

[fangirleaconmigo]

For the emoji asks can you do 🤡📈🤗 Big fan of your work and I hope you enjoy writing as much as we all enjoy reading your stories!

Hi Nonny! Thank you! I hope you’re ready for a long post 😅 ETA: THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT YOU ARE SO SWEET 😭♥️♥️ and I very much do enjoy writing them.

🤗What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

Oh I have so much. But here are my two biggest pieces of advice.

1) Be mindful of your mental health. No one tells you how grueling it can be for your mental health to create and publicly share things that are so personal. If you already have depression or anxiety, it can get worse. And then there you are, by yourself, no like…editor or professional team or support, and you’re dealing with that without a safety net.

It could just be the vulnerability of sharing with strangers. It could be your own self doubt, self loathing, or the mortifying ordeal of being seen, ping ponging with the mortifying ordeal of no one wanting to see you.

Whatever it is, if you see that you are suffering, like you are feeling worthless when you don’t get enough engagement, or enraged and resentful at the the fandom for not valuing your writing the way you want them to, that is your mental health issues at the wheel. STEP BACK and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Do not let yourself spiral.

If you’re disappointed or hurt, that’s normal, and you should have regular coping mechanisms for that (meditation, go for a walk, talk to a friend, blast music, take a bath). But if you’re being triggered into major anxious or depressive episodes or you are just having a miserable time and it is interfering with your sleep or eating etc, that is not “normal” (meaning, you should not just accept that this is how you should be feeling) please consider seeking support and help in real life.

Be mindful of your mental health. Be ready to take a step back. Disengage. Delete your apps. Whatever you need to do. Focus on you. Take care of you.

Because if you do not, who will?

2) Stay focused on what you want to express and write and put out into the world. YOU are your own North Star, period.

Ok so this is what happens. You post a fic. You feel however you feel about it, but it’s fine. It’s good. That’s what came out of your mind when you sat down to write. That’s how you saw the characters or that what you wanted to express.

Then you see the posts. Maybe it’s an unpopular opinions post and it’s got 500 qrts. Maybe it’s just a few people posting on their own.

But they’re all saying the same thing. The fics in this fandom have it all wrong.

Sometimes it’s a very polite personal opinion (I don’t care for it)

Sometimes it’s snide or smug (ugh people are so stupid and don’t see this character the Correct Way and I Alone bear the burden of greatness.)

Sometimes it’s unhinged and sometimes it’s abusive. (If you write char X way you should die.)

Now, I’m assuming for the moment that none of these things are directed at you personally. Harassment is a different thing. I’m not talking harassment. That would be a different post.

I’m talking that little panic attack you have going OH SHIT was I Wrong and Stupid and Uncultured and Shallow and Shitty and Bad?

You start combing through your fics. Did you do the thing? Did you mess up?

You argue with them. You take it to heart. Your self consciousness starts showing up in your fics. Writing isn’t fun anymore. You’re writing but other peoples voices are in your head telling you you’re wrong and you’re trying to address their criticisms IN YOUR FIC when maybe they didn’t even speak to you!!!!!

S T A H P.

Don’t spend a single moment arguing with anyone or defending your writing. They get to have their point of view. You get to have yours. And when it comes to YOUR writing, YOURS is the only one that matters.

How do YOU want to write this. How do YOU feel about this. What story do YOU want to tell. Dial in on THAT.

You cannot please everyone all the time.

Just because someone sounds angry and smug on the internet doesn’t mean they’re right!! We have this reaction when someone is forceful where we go…oh shit they sound so sure so they’re probably right. No! They are right about how they feel and that is it!

Fic is personal. It is your own home cooked meal that you brought to the potluck. If you try to make it sweet and sour and spicy and smooth to please every person there it’s just disgusting. At least if you make it the way YOU like it, someone else will too.

I can tell you that when I go back and read my fics, I can pinpoint exactly where I was stressing about how I was being perceived in my characterizations. You can smell it when a writer is defensive and hedging their bets. It holds you back in your writing. I write a lot of Jaskier and oh lord if I had a dollar for every post that says you’re garbage if you write him x or y way I’d be rich. I used to hold onto that so tight. Don’t do that. I had to unlearn it.

Just pay attention to what resonates with you. When someone tells you what they think and your brain lights up like YES I connect with that. That’s your thing. You can feel it connecting. Inspiring you.

Do that.

And by all means read the ever present fandom criticisms if you want more perspectives. But if you can’t read them without it fucking up your writing then stop.

When you are not being true to yourself your writing will suffer. The best writing is authentic expression, it isn’t a poll of the fandom.

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

Oh my gosh, definitely the Witchers as Vampires AU I Know the Kindest Thing. I really amused myself with that one. A few commenters said it gave them What We Do in the Shadows vibes, so I took that as the highest praise.

So in this fic, the witchers are vampires. They send Lambert out to get lunch (a human to feed on) and he brings home a sickly street urchin.(Jaskier) He's too sick to feed on but Lambert wants to keep him anyway. They fight over whether Lambert is responsible enough to keep a human.

“You need to put him back!” hissed Geralt. “Release him back into the wild or something.”

......

“Look,” said Eskel, getting them back on track. “It’s not that I’d be against it. It’s just that taking in a human is a big responsibility. It’s not to be taken lightly. They require a lot of care, and that one more than others.”

Lambert nodded his agreement. “I know.”

“And how do I know you two,” Eskel pointed at Geralt and then back at Lambert, “won’t leave me with all the work? Like you do the blood cleanup and the laundry.”

Geralt groaned. “Not the laundry again.”

“I wouldn’t!” insisted Lambert. “I found him. I would take responsibility. It wouldn’t be that bad. We know how to cook, Geralt has medicine to cure him. How hard could it be?”

Eskel put on his thinking face. His fangs popped out, and he sucked on them. “What about activities? Enrichment. He has to convalesce and I don’t think we have anything in the house for humans.”

“We have a library,” said Geralt. “We have art supplies. Humans like those things.”

Eskel nodded thoughtfully.

And then I further amused myself when Jaskier started getting suspicious about them not being human.

“Well,” Jaskier said, “it took me a while. At first I thought you were just eccentric.”

Yes, that was clear. After Jaskier had told them about his parents, the vampires had explained to Jaskier that they did not have the same concepts of gender and sexuality as his parents. They had explained that they, in fact, personally enjoyed all kinds of sexual congress with one other.

The human had needed to fan himself and sit down when he had heard that. He was clearly overcome, and it was lucky he wasn’t sick anymore because he probably would have fainted.

He had asked them if they were European, or perhaps Methodist. They had explained that yes, they were European, though they were not Methodist. Their countries of birth weren’t that relevant in this situation, but it had seemed to satisfy Jaskier for a time. However, he had watched them very, very, closely after that, and had to retire for privacy whenever he observed them kissing or touching in an intimate manner. After a short time, he would emerge from his room very relaxed indeed.

I stick get a cackle out of that one.

📈 How many fics do you have?

I have 32 on AO3. I have one published in a fandom anthology for ClexaCon (con for queer women and allies). That one was based on Charlie from SPN x Winifred Burkle from Angel. Then I have about ten or fifteen WIPs on my gdrive. Most are Witcher, but I have two SPN and one Schitt's Creek.

Thanks again for the ask, Nonny!

[rufousnmacska]

I have a lot of thoughts about A Court of Silver Flames, and since it helps me to write them out, I thought I’d share.

It’s behind a cut because SPOILERS and it’s long lol!

Nesta

I had expected we’d learn that Nesta had suffered some type of abuse or trauma as a child that Elain and Feyre were not aware of. I wasn’t expecting it to be so subtle, for lack of a better word. Abuse comes in a lot of forms, which I think SJM is good at showing. Emotionally manipulating your daughter for power, ignoring her in favor of your business and money … those may not be as visible as physical or verbal abuse, but they still cause damage.

I’m not sure how to convey it properly, but I thought it was important to show how the parts of her that were born from the abuse and trauma, while dark or not always healthy, were still useful. The wolf she became to survive her childhood helped her survive the cauldron. Not being able to “turn it off” is what hurt her. My favorite quote:

“So Nesta had become a wolf. Armed herself with invisible teeth and claws, and learned to strike faster, deeper, more lethally. Had relished it. But when the time came to put away the wolf, she’d found it had devoured her too.”

And as Amren said later “That’s the key isn’t it? To know the darkness will always remain, but how you choose to face it, handle it … that’s the important part. To not let it consume. To focus on the good, the things that fill you with wonder.”

I’ve seen a lot of fans upset that Nesta gave up her cauldron powers at the end to save Feyre and the baby. Although I’d initially hoped (post acofas) that her training would be more about her magic than physical training, I’m okay with how it worked out. She never wanted that power and she never liked having it. She stole it as revenge and she fought constantly to suppress it. Was she a badass when she wielded it? Absolutely! But ultimately, her giving it back was the final big step in her healing arc and acceptance of herself. (That doesn’t mean she’s “cured.” This will be an ongoing battle for her. I only mean this in terms of the story in this book.)

She chose to sacrifice it, unlike so many other times in her life when things were forced on her or happened to her. Unlike the future her mother had set out for her. Unlike when they were poor and her father did nothing to get them through. Unlike when she was thrown into the cauldron and then a war. Even unlike when she was forced to move into the House of the Wind, and her apartment – the one place she had chosen for herself no matter how run down it was – got demolished. I’m not going to go into the intervention too much. It was poorly done, but I doubt any of them had experience in doing one. A conversation acknowledging that might have been nice. And I’m not ignoring Feyre and Rhys’s hypocrisy of Nesta being confined to a place where she effectively had no way to leave on her own. The stairway at that point was not an option. But the bottom line is that Nesta needed help and was not in a position to willingly accept it or seek it out.

Regardless, she is still a lethal badass. She still has some of her powers, along with her fighting skills, which will only get better and better. So, the idea that she gave up what made her strong, or ended up as some meek housewife …  I don’t agree with that at all. She has the intelligence and potential to become a force in leading armies. Not to mention her skill as an emissary. (Which Cassian finally learned how to imitate lol!)

On a personal note, I’m intimately familiar with the depression and self-loathing Nesta experienced in this book. Although I don’t necessarily react to those feelings in the same ways or exhibit the same coping mechanisms (I tend to turn my anger inward rather than outward), I could still relate to her journey. Her stubbornness and feelings that she didn’t deserve love or anything good or kind were presented accurately in my opinion. Parts were hard for me to read because of that. But I loved that she was able to make her way through the pain and finally begin to accept and love herself. And I especially loved that she was helped not only by Cassian, but by her friendship with Emerie and Gwyn.

And the House! Holy shit. The magic houses in this world piss me off to no end because they are not real and I will forever need to clean my own place LOL! Her relationship with the house was beautiful and funny and I love that she Made it! She needed a friend, someone to understand her, not only what she wanted but what she needed, and boom! The House of the Wind came alive for her.

So, overall, I loved Nesta’s journey. I’m happy she ended in a place that brought her inner peace and the ability to better deal with her problems in the future.

 Nessian

I loved them before this book and I love them more after. The smut was a little shocking at first lol but I’ve read the Black Dagger Brotherhood books, which SJM loves, so really, it wasn’t that out there. I loved that Cassian showed that even with the mating bond, he could give Nesta space and freedom. In that respect, their relationship felt more mature to me than feysand. Their banter and the sexual tension was great! (The book is about a book.) They had some not great moments, as they have in past books. But those were realistic. People argue and say things they regret. But they also talk through it and apologize. This is a good time to point out – NOT ALL APOLOGIES INVOLVE EXPLICITLY SAYING I AM SORRY. There are other ways to show remorse and ask for forgiveness.

I don’t know if I had one favorite moment as there were quite a few. I think the most emotional for me was when they reached the lake. I know firsthand how difficult it is to speak aloud the things Nesta said. And I am also lucky to have people in my life who responded the way Cassian did – with love and support and kindness.

The nightmare scene, the prison scene, the dancing, the mating bond, Cassian turning the knife on himself … I loved them all!

The Valkyries

I fucking loved them! Gwyn and Emerie were absolute delights and I’m so glad Nesta made good friends of her own who she could be herself with. Their bonding over books, training, and their pasts was wonderful. Nesta urging them on and defending them from the Illyrians in the Blood Rite was a beautiful step in her healing. Before this book, I was hesitant about the foreshadowing that Nesta would take part in the Rite, fearing it would become some sort of white savior trope to help the female Illyrians. But I enjoyed the way it ended up happening. I know it seemed unrealistic for Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn to get that far against warriors who’d been training for years. But part of the point was the males were arrogant as fuck. They underestimated the trio, to their detriment. Nesta and her friends used cunning as much as strength and skill to get where they did.

And I loved the image of Emerie and Gwyn just sitting back, sipping tea and admiring the river after going through a week of pure hell and winning the Blood Rite.

I hope we get more of them all together in the next books.

ETA - I can’t believe I forgot! Gwyn writing their story because their stories deserve to be told 🥲💕

The sisters

Overall I liked how things turned out with them.

Elain is still a bit of a non-entity to me. I don’t feel like I really know anything about her. Which, to some extent, is the point I think. There will be a lot to reveal in her story and she has a shitload of healing to do. She may have the appearance of adjusting and fitting in, but I don’t buy it. Nesta telling Elain to fuck off was awesome and long overdue. But Elain was also right in pointing out how others treat her and the trauma she’s experienced. I think there is still more to be dealt with between these two in the next book.

Feyre and Nesta were the more interesting relationship to me. The eldest and the youngest tend to butt heads in my opinion (and personal experience). So I was glad they came to an understanding. And very glad that Feyre did not get angry with Nesta for telling her about the baby. Rhys deserved the wrath for that.

One thing I would have liked to see discussed was the role of their parents in their lives. Nesta holds a lot of guilt for how she reacted to their poverty and I think that is understandable. I think Elain does too. However, I do not think any of the sisters should harbor blame for what happened. Their father was responsible for them. Period. Even if he was physically unable to work or help around the house, he still could have been a father. Yes, Feyre stepped up and fed them. Nesta and Elain didn’t help. It was his role to make them. Not in an abusive way. But step up and tell Nesta and Elain to do something, whether it’s chop wood or gather food from the wild. I don’t know. In my opinion, it is wrong to place blame on young girls who had a parent that did nothing. His actions in acowar were noble, but they don’t erase his failures. That all of this was glossed over disappointed me. I think this was something Nesta needed to be told explicitly by both her sisters. She had things to apologize for and feel guilt for, but she was not the one who should have protected Feyre. All three of them should have been protected by their father.

 The Inner Circle

It’s kind of funny to me how blind they all are about each other. I don’t even know what else to say about their dysfunction.

Amren’s sudden desire for Rhys to become High King was weird, and though I should know better, I still really hope the series doesn’t end that way. The IC tends to have good intentions about things, but I don’t think they know how to handle a problem without some kind of force. And controlling all the other courts is not something that would happen easily, especially with perceived allies.

Amren and Mor thinking Nesta belonged or should be sent to the Court of Nightmares was a spectacularly shitty take. The lack of awareness and acknowledgement that Nesta was suffering from multiple traumas was just … unbelievable.

But considering how much this group does not see about each other, I guess it’s not a surprise. I don’t know how much is willful ignorance or just really, really poor people skills. I understand how this all makes for good angst and drama, I really do. But I’m just at the point where it’s grating. They need to sit the fuck down and talk to each other. It’s been five hundred years for fucks sake. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Rhys

Okay. I liked Rhys in acotar and acomaf. But the sparkly exterior wore off big time for me in acowar and acofas. I honestly could have done without him in this book. But I wasn’t foolish enough to expect him to not be in it. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that SJM has her favorites and Rhys is at the top of the list.

Having said that, he annoyed the shit out of me in this book. Someone really needs to explain to him that a choice between two awful things, one of which might be deadly, is not really a choice. I don’t have the energy for it, but better writers than me could write a thesis on the illusion of choice in these books. Which is, in my opinion, pretty clearly tied to the brand of feminism presented.

Not only is the choice given to Nesta at the beginning not a choice, Rhys doesn’t seem to consider Elain at all in his argument with Az. All other issues with that bonus chapter aside, he saw them. He saw the mutual attraction and consent. What happened to not forcing females to accept the mating bond? What happened to respecting her choice and autonomy? I considered the possibility that maybe since he knows Az, there’s a reason he thinks they wouldn’t work. But then, that pretty much flies out the window by him asking Az about Mor. Sure, Az is still hung up on Mor, but she is pretty fucking clear about her opinion.

The whole thing about not telling Feyre about the risky childbirth was awful. And not that I would expect it to happen, but not even mentioning abortion as an option was frustrating. That plot line was not good in any way. There were plenty of other things that could have gone wrong with the birth to push Nesta to act at the end. To be honest, the feysand dynamic is not great. While I appreciated her standing up to him about Nesta and other things, he very deliberately uses sex as a distraction to get out of arguments. Yet another way he never really seems to suffer consequences of bad behavior.  

I will say I was really glad he got the opportunity to experience the full trauma of what Nesta went through. And my petty ass loved him kneeling before her at the end!

Miscellaneous

Where was Illyria?? My one serious expectation for this book was that we’d learn more about Illyria and deal with the revolution that was hyped up in acofas. To be written off in one paragraph was disappointing. It makes me think that if we are to ever get more details about the Illyrians, it might be in Az’s story. It was mentioned a few times that he hates them (with good reason) and would wipe them off the map if it was up to him. So I’m guessing his arc will require him coming to terms with that.

Elriel-Elucien-Gwynriel

I’ve never been super invested in this story line but I admit I’ve leaned more towards Elriel in the past. Partly because I like some of the complementary symbolism associated with them, but mostly because I’d really like to see a story about rejection of the mating bond. Even with the extra chapters, I feel like we still don’t know much of anything about who Elain truly is. And the same can be said of Az. So, those chapters didn’t sway me that much. With the exception of Az interacting with Gwyn. I agree with a lot of others saying Az has a lot of work to do on himself before he can be with anyone. I think Elain and Gwyn also have a lot of healing to do. SJM can take this in so many directions that I just don’t know what to think.

I will say that originally I was expecting the next book to involve a love square of Elain, Az, Lucien, and Vassa, because I did see a connection between the last two. But now … Was Lucien annoyed by Jurian and Vassa because he’s jealous? Just annoyed? I don’t know. I still think Vassa will be in the next books if only because of Koschei. But I’m not so sure about her involvement with Lucien. I think we’ve got enough people in this love polygon lol! Jesus, what a mess. But maximum angst 😂

[jaeger-soul]

HIIIIIII again! I definitely hear you, I could use to forget real life for a little while, too. Always sending you positive vibes ✨💞

The character limit is different now lol I don’t have to spam your inbox with six messages at a time when I write a lot, I can just send one long message😂 Thank you for the welcome wagon 🥰 After using tumblr without an account for 5 years, this is interesting LOL Just had your page bookmarked and that was the extent to which I used tumblr

Yeah I actually really like my music anon nickname so I used it for my username hereeeeee ✨🤣 Still music anon but also we can keep track of which anon is me since there’re a lot of us 😭.

They are lol I wish I could write for them but I have no idea how 😂 I’ve only successfully written one fanfiction for a different fandom and even that story I am crawling to the finish line because… idk it’s long and I feel like I’m not doing a good job lol it was actually me who told you a few months ago that I’m writing it but haven’t posted it anywhere and you told me I’m working hard and should share it and I agree with you lol I’m just nervous 😂

I love linkin park, three days grace, and simple plan and what is hilarious is that when I was really little, like REALLY LITTLE, all the adults and teens around me were playing them aloud and that’s how I heard them 😂but then in mid teen years. . . I won’t say what I was listening to lol 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅 I still listen to everything I was listening to then actually, but it wasn’t punk 😂 I just recently discovered how much I like punk and rock

I listen to everything too! I don’t know if I can say that I listen to country since I only know all of Miranda Lambert’s songs lol 😂 But I’d definitely listen to more

LOL 😂 I had never ever heard blink-182 before and in 2017 one of my favorite songs was Closer by the Chainsmokers and they said “stay and play that blink 182 song“ and I was curious but didn’t look up their songs until like 2019 😅

I am obsessed with almost by Bowling for Soup and I had never heard Ohio until now and I really like it so much, I think they couldn’t make any song and I would vibe with it 🤩🤩🤩🤩 And after Ohio went off, Pandora played I’d Do Anything but simple plan and I liked it 😊

Oooooooh wow okay yeah I get it and I agree with you, that makes sense for him to take some time off and to go a different direction if it’s better for him.

YAYYYYY SPOTIFY PLAYLIST PENDING ! ! IM HYPE 🤩✨🔥🤩✨🔥🤩✨🔥🤩✨🔥🤩✨🔥

Thanks for answering the Tatiana question lol 😂

If I say anything embarrassing in the future, I’ll request the private message LOL 😂

Also, 84 years LOL I see you sliding that number in there 🤣🤣🍀🍀🍀 And happy late Saint Patrick’s Day 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀

the positive vibes are appreciated 🤍

if you ever wanna talk fanfic ideas for swagger bishie, i'm always down. i have so many ideas i want to write but i'm getting through stay first

you should post that story somewhere though - i'm sure you'll get great feedback and positive comments. and part of the fun of writing for fandoms is sharing our work with other fans so i say go for it

eta: i regularly feel like i'm not doing a good job with the stuff i write so like, you're not alone but also sometimes it is just your own perception of your writing coming from spending so much time with it and being too close to it to really see it objectively

dang growing up with adults blasting linkin park and shit would've been amazing. and as far as whatever you were listening to then that you're embarrassed about, you've got no need to be with me. i still regularly listen to my teen obsessions (nsync, jonas brothers, miley cyrus, justin bieber, one direction etc.)

idk like i don't want to tell you how to feel but i've just found that it's a waste for me to be embarrassed about something that once brought or still brings me joy 🤷‍♀️

i love the chainsmokers man, they've had me hooked for a long time

and happy saint patrick's day to you, too!

i thought of some more recs and i'm gonna put most of them on the playlist but i had to share this one with you cause it's got some major alex vibes from stay lmao

[alwaysbethewest]

If you’re still taking prompt ideas: getting caught in a rainstorm or snowstorm with a character of your choosing! Thank you 😍😍😍😍 I hope your week off is going fantastic my friend!!

Thank you, babe! A whole week and a half later, here it is.

Title: A Light in Your Eye Pairing: Frankie “Catfish” Morales/f!Reader (”you”) Rating: Mature Word count: 1.6k Content/warnings: very soft and sweet and sappy, a little bit of teasing, a little bit of sex but not terribly explicit. No mention of Frankie’s baby so you can interpret this as pre-canon, a childless AU, or assume there’s a babysitter at home. Also cross-posted to AO3 if you prefer to read on that platform. ETA: I also recorded a podfic version.

The rain starts so abruptly, coming down so heavily, it makes your pulse speed up despite yourself. You’ve never been more grateful for Frankie’s expert driving as you watch him calmly flip on the windshield wipers, his hands steady on the wheel, eyes focused on the road ahead. He could be driving down a sunny smooth-paved road for all he’s affected by the downpour.

You think of the hike you’d had planned for tomorrow with a twinge of regret. The trails will be impassably muddy—by your standards, anyway, even if they’re nothing worse than what Frankie’s used to. But you’ve already been over that argument with him, since the first time you suggested this trip and he reacted with scandalized mock horror at the concept of glamping, like it was the dirtiest word he could think of and he couldn’t believe you’d let it pass your lips. You’d worn him down quickly, all begrudging acquiescence once you’d reminded him it was your birthday trip and we aren’t all mountain men, Francisco.

He pulls up to the property manager’s cabin, where you’ll need to stop to check in and pick up your keys, and lets the car idle, drumming his fingers on the wheel and staring off into the distance. You hesitate for a moment, steeling yourself to face the rain—you had packed an umbrella, of course, and of course it’s tucked into the bottom of your bag in the back of the car—and eventually he glances over at you, amusement playing at his lips. “We just gonna sit here?” he says. You give him your best frown and snatch the cap off his head to protect your own hair, and it’s—sappy, but. You feel your heart swell, looking at him, seeing how his soft hair has gone mussed from the drag of his cap, his open face smirking at you, eyes sparkling like. Like this is some great adventure you’re on, here.

You dash out of the car, shutting the door on his helpful advice to try not to melt, and make polite conversation with the woman behind the desk inside as you wait for her to find your keys and draw you a little map to the cabin you’ve reserved. You’re dripping wet when you climb back into the car, t-shirt plastered to your skin with cold rainwater, and Frankie gives you another amused little smile, letting it turn into something more heated as his eyes drift down over your chest.

The cabin is charmingly small and simple but well-maintained. Frankie parks in front of it and you see him eyeing the distance between the car and the covered front porch as the two of you sit silently in the safe haven of his SUV for a long moment. There’s something cozy and peaceful about the space, quiet with the engine cut but shrouded with the white noise sound of the pouring rain tapping against the roof. Out of the corner of your eye you see him lift his hand as if to adjust his cap, but you haven’t surrendered it back to him yet and he ends up ruffling his own hair instead. You give him a cheeky grin and he bats at the brim of the hat, pushing it down to cover your eyes. But he lets you keep it.

“Alright,” he says finally, twisting around to survey the backseat. “Here’s the game plan. You grab those bags, I grab these ones, and we make a run for it as fast as we can.”

“Without slipping in the mud,” you add.

He snaps his fingers, points at you in agreement. “Right.”

You grab his hand, wrapping your fingers around his so you can pull it to your mouth and press a light kiss to the back of his hand. His eyes go soft and you feel that rush of warm contentment again, like you could stay in this car all day, fuck the cabin, maybe glamping really is overrated when all you really need is to be here with him.

“What was that for?”

“Just. Thank you for driving. I would’ve had an anxiety attack getting through that rain,” you admit. He chuckles, but it’s not teasing.

“That’s what I’m here for,” he says. Obvious.

You smile again and drop his hand, letting the moment end. On his nod, you both jump out of the car and grab your bags from the back, swiftly making your way up the pathway and onto the cabin’s front porch.

It was a useless plan, as far as keeping either of you dry. The rain is still pouring so ferociously you’d felt the heavy drops soak through your clothes the second you’d jumped out of the car, and Frankie’s no better off. His hair is plastered to his forehead, overgrown curls nearly falling into his eyes, and his light blue shirt has turned dark at the shoulders and all down his back. But it was exhilarating, and you’re both laughing when you reach the top step. He doesn’t wait for you to dig out the key and unlock the door, just drops his bags where he stands and leans in to kiss you, twisting his cap sideways on your head to avoid the brim. He gets your face wet with rainwater, his damp hair hitting your skin, and you couldn’t care less even as you start to shiver from the cold.

He cares. He gets you inside, hauling your duffel bags in behind you, and you both stand in the entryway for a moment, admiring the room.

It’s all warm wood, rustic furnishing and plush blankets, simple and cozy. There’s a single king bed and a small kitchenette in the corner, barely more than a mini-fridge and microwave, but it’s enough to make hot cocoa by so you’ve got all you need. You leave your shoes by the door and Frankie pads across the room and ducks into the bathroom, coming back out a moment later with one towel slung over his shoulder and another already working through his hair as he comes back to you. You accept the dry towel and wrap it around your shoulders, still taking in the details of the room.

“Isn’t this nice?” you ask, nudging him. “Aren’t you glad we’re not setting up a tent right now?”

“Sweetheart,” he says, serious and full of meaning, “If we were actually camping I’d already have our sleeping bags zipped together so I could warm you up properly.”

It’s an absolute lie, because you’d both be a hell of a lot muddier if you were trying to pitch a tent in this weather, and just the effort to crawl into your sleeping bags without getting them dirty would take ten minutes alone. But you like the image of it and how his voice rumbles low in his chest, makes you feel warm from the inside out like you’ve taken a shot of whiskey. He steps forward and takes the edges of your towel in hand, tugging them to draw you closer to him, then drops his hand to your waist and tucks his hand up under your shirt, pressing cold fingers to your side.

“Sir,” you protest. You’re fully gone for him, would let him drag you anywhere, but you like how his eyes squint when you tease him, even sweeter right now when he looks so boyish with his hair all messy tousled and damp. “It’s 3 o’clock in the afternoon.”

“So?” he murmurs, closing the distance, tucking his face against yours. You feel the hum of his voice against your lips, his hot breath brushing over you. “What else are we gonna do?”

“There’s… puzzles,” you offer, nodding to the sitting area in the corner, where there’s a wood-burning stove and a stack of puzzles and books filling a bookcase next to a nice big coffee table.

He laughs, flicking his eyes to glance at the corner, and shakes his head. “We can do that later. Listen, I know it’s your birthday trip but right now I’m gonna make an executive decision.”

He’s got both hands under your shirt now, thumbs rubbing gently over your skin, and it’s distracting, making you go a little breathless. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He punctuates it with a kiss. “I want you to take off these clothes, and get into that bed, and I’ll start a fire for you and come give you an early birthday present.”

You hum in agreement, thinking it sounds like a perfect plan, but—

You pull away an inch, tilting your head. “Are you saying your dick is a birthday present?”

His hands tighten and his face turns grumpy, offended. “I’m saying, go get into bed and you’ll find out.”

(It turns out his mouth is the present; he ducks under the covers and buries his face between your legs and goes down on you till you’re trembling, till you’re begging him to fuck you, and he laughs, says oh now you want it? and you do, you do, you urge him up so he can get inside you and he’s still laughing when he finally fucks into you, eyes bright with glee and his mouth slick when he kisses you. You close your eyes to savor the moment, feeling warm with the press of his skin against yours, and you listen to the sound of his groan, low in his throat, and the backdrop of the rain on the roof outside and you are. Exactly where you want to be.)