#*ooc: ayo let's go

[mystiika]

misc tag drop

[ixiot-ghostrebel]

Ok ok. I'm back from the dead, And with another headcannon! following my last music related ask

What if after the characters hear our music they start subconsciously humming, or even singing it? After all the creator never has their computer volume on... exept this time we do! And we hear venti, or Barbara, or another character singing our favorite song A LOT. So much so that instead of the usual voices it's all song references and lyrics... I imagine it going something like this:

(venti dies) "don't worry... I'm never going to let you down.."

OR

(Barbara's afk) "la- La- LA- ehem, I'm working late because I'm a singer~"

Well a long night of trying to find out if it was an event mihoyo planned or something else is surely waiting right?

- 🦇

OMG HI 🦇 ANON HRUUUU

Dwdw, Ghost Rebel's been dead as well—you have not been the only one, rest assured 🥲

For this request, I won't be really focusing much on what music the Reader listens to (entirely up to you imo), so apologies if this affects your reading experience!

(The Request 🦇 Anon Mentioned)

Ayo, They Know My MUSIC ✨😎

(Warning: Might be OOC!)

Who would've thought that all that singing pays off—now, all musicians and bards of Teyvat are reciting Their Almighty Grace's ballads like they're some holy, ancient harmonies (to them, it probably is—somehow—)

Let's see what our favorite ones have been up to! :D

Venti

With the amount of times you vibed to your songs, Venti's picked them up by listening through the wind. You can 100% assume that he is vibing to it, no matter what time or moment.

People thought he was singing his own ballads when he was humming your songs, when, in fact, he's listening to you jamming out in the distance.

So imagine your shock when you hear Venti sing your song. It was as shocking as Venti without his wine.

"Hehe~ Their Grace looks so flabbergasted!" Venti in the bg just cheering over the fact he made you shocked at his impression of your song!

Bro has zero regrets for breaking the Fourth Wall.

Barbara

Girlie is singing her heart out in the Church of Favonius, and everyone's there for it. 100% she has become the true Idol of Mondstadt.

Super excited and nervous at the same time when you put her in your party team (for whatever reason, only you will know), because this is a chance to show off her practice. She wants to impress you with the song she's heard you sing and hum to countless of times!

So the moment she let it slip through her idle animation, imagine her embarrassment as you flip out, questioning your life choices and your sleep deprivation

"S-Surely, I didn't scare Their Almighty Grace all too badly...?" Barbara's twiddling her fingers, contemplating if she should've done that in the first place, only to be reassured when the other nuns of the church mention that you were screaming how good it was (Ex. "HELLO???? BARBARA???? THAT WAS SO GOOD HELLO??? VOICE ACTOR BE POPPING OFF MAYBE??? THIS GLITCH IS AWESOME!")

Yes, she's doing this again. Add her back to her team. Now. :)

Xinyan

Oh, she is going to rock'n'roll hard after this. She is definitely going to make a rock cover of your song and play it all through Liyue!

Gurl's on her merry way, practicing with her guitar and singing loud and proud! Yunjin be cheering her on in the background as she masters that small snippet of your favorite song >:D

And when it's her time to shine? When you finally give her the chance to perform? Sure, she's nervous—she's only got one shot, and who knows when the next one will come—but she's gonna rock this song with everything she's got, heart, soul, and mind!

The moment you see it happening, Xinyan's a little too into it to care of your reaction at first, pretty much having a blast at the lyrics and overall music composition.

But after? "Whoo, I sure hope Their Grace liked it...Maybe I should've taken in how they were reacting instead of going all out, hehe..." Her legs are kind of shaking from her nerves, but she swears she's fine!

Upon seeing how the citizens of Liyue Harbor are acting though, and with the amount of positive comments her friends kept giving her, Xinyan is calling her performance an absolute success!

She is definitely doing this again—10/10!

Ghost Rebel Side Notes: THIS TOOK TOO LONG TO MAKE I AM SO SORRY UGHHHH. I hate it when I say I'd be active and then the next thing I know, I'm being bombarded with irl problems >:(

Anyways! A few updates as I'm writing this: I am no longer taking Sagau Genshin requests for now (even if I might still be writing for a few—there's some waiting in my inbox that I gotta get to), as I need a break to recharge my batteries. However: HSR and Wuthering Waves are free and up for requests, so don't be shy to shoot your shots there!

✦ Check out The Ghost Rebel’s Blog Description & Info Page to See if Their Mailbox is Open! ✦

[anthracite-writes]

Obey Me! Dating Headcanons (SFW)

ft. The seven rules of the Underworld (The demon brothers) - SEPRATE Reader type - X GN! reader

NOTE: These are just my personal headcanons for the brothers I’ve had for the 3 years I’ve been playing this game and what I think I think would fit them, if some of the headcanons are may be very OOC - apologies in advance.

𝙎𝙐𝙈𝙈𝘼𝙍𝙔 !!: What it's like dating the 7 brothers + love languages NOT PROOF READ - APOLOGIZES IF THERE'S TYPOS OR SPELLING ERRORS!!!

𝓛𝓾𝓬𝓲𝓯𝓮𝓻

Love language? Quality time, Acts of Service, and Words of Affirmation. He'll open doors for you, prepares you lunch, would occasionally ask if you need anything at random times.

Hands full? Don't worry, he'll take those off your hands. Sad? Boom, he made you your comfort food and got comfort snacks. You're busy studying? He'll come in and check on you every so often to ask if you want anything to drink or eat.

Invites you to spend time with him in his study while he works on the copious amount of paperwork or even to spend time with him in his bedroom as he listens to his music.

When you're together like in his study or his room, he'll pull you onto his lap. Just wanting you near him when it's just the two of you.

Constantly praises you - "You never cease to amaze me Y/N", "I'm so proud of you". Will acknowledge your achievements no matter how small they are to everyone else.

Dates? Long walks at night, listening party in his room, dinner dates, list goes on.

Man just loves spending time with you.

Probably in denial with how protective he is over you. "I'm just a little overprotective over you. That's all."

Out in public? Holding hands, hand around your waist. He's on a mission to let people know you're already taken.

Def. overworks into late into the night so you have to force him to to go to bed. Either he goes willingly or you have to drag him to bed.

WAYYY to prideful to admit he longs for your cuddles, hugs, and over all touch when he's in bed

Calls you 'my love' or 'my little angel/lamb'

Fav. areas to kiss? Hands, neck, lips for sure.

𝓜𝓪𝓶𝓶𝓸𝓷

Love Language? Gift giving/receiving

Man's broke so, expect a lot hand made gifts.

Firm believer he’s a really crafty person, not the best but he puts a lot of effort into the handmade gifts

Gifts a lot of cool found objects he finds when he’s out and about (shiny stones, cool bottle caps, etc)

Ya know… because his animal is a crow.

LOVES to give "just because" flowers [Hand pick from the woods around the House of Lamentation]

Finds a cool rock? 'Hey! Y/N, I found this rock and I thought of you because it's cool!'

Calls you 'Human', 'Dummy', 'my lucky charm' list goes on.

No, really. You literally are his lucky charm when he's gambling - Well, that's what he usually says despite how much he loses.

Dang, he actually won? He'll immediately spend it on getting gifts for you. Clothes, shoes, accessories.

Extremely caring towards you, seeing you upset or just slightly down - he'll do anything to cheer you up, no matter what; he will cheer you up.

There is never a boring moment with him. There's just always something going on with him.

Someone is picking on you? Oh, don't worry. he will make a scene. And a big on at that.

'Oh no you don't! The only person that gets to pick on Y/N, is ME!' 'AYO! The job of picking on them is already taken! Scram!'

Fav. places to kiss? Cheeks, forehead, top of the head.

𝓛𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓪𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷

Love Language? Physical touch and Quality time for SURE

Always have imagined him to be such a sweet guy, just extremely nervous due to the fear of messing up.

Gently place and hold his face in your hands, he will MELT

Honestly, any kind of touch will send him blushing and stuttering - just something like your hand brushing up against his will make his face go red and unable to speak for 3-5 business days

He would want to do EVERYTHING with you

Anime Marathons, reading manga, playing the newest game he bought or reruns of games he's already completed but wants to experience playing it with you by his side.

Will ramble on and on about his interests, be sure to listen to him

Intimacy level up if you reference something he mentioned in his rambles - he'll be over the moon that you actually listened to him.

If he sees you upset, he wouldn't leave your side.

Def. doesn't know how to comfort someone but will give you hugs and cuddles - willing to listen to you and let you vent to him about what's upsetting you

Lets you sit on his lap and cuddles you when he's gaming

When he gets frustrated on a level, Levi would most likely rage quit (after saving) out of the game and cuddle you tightly as he de-stresses himself before returning to the game

No matter how long you have been together, he still cannot fathom the fact you're willing to spend time with him let alone dating him.

Would get a teeny tiny bit jealous if you're attention is one something else like one of his brothers, Henry 2.0, or even an inanimate object like his figures.

then usually rounds back to the thoughts you're just a genuinely caring person who looks out for anyone and genuinely finds what he likes interesting.

Calls you 'normie' or just by your name. He gets nervous if he deviates from what he's used to calling you

Love it when you reassure him, cheer him on, or just listening to him no matter the situation.

Fav. place to kiss? lips, cheeks, forhead, genuinely anywhere on your face, top of the head, hands.

𝓢𝓪𝓽𝓪𝓷

Love Language? Quality time and Words of Affirmation

Reads poems and read passages in his books to you that remind him of you.

' Hey Y/N, There's this poem that reminded me of you, please let me read it to you' or 'This line in the book I'm reading made me think of you, would you like to hear it?'

Snuggles while he reads you stories for sure.

If you have a hard time sleeping or suffer from insomnia, he'll keep reading to you till you fall asleep in his arms/against him.

Loves it when you go outside with him to watch the wild cats around the House of Lamentation or let him lay his head on your chest or your lap while you read to him and gently play with his hair as you do so. It puts him at ease.

For dates he'll have reading dates, take you to cat cafes or coffee shops, book stores.

Holding hands? Yeah, a lot of that.

Def has a candid shot photo of you playing with the cats either in one of the cat cafes he took you to or when you two were out in the front of the House of Lamentation as his lock screen

Calls you 'love', some literacy reference like 'my rose' [Le Petit Prince Ref.] for example, and MAYBE 'kitten'

Fav. places to kiss? Forehead, top of head, nose.

𝓐𝓼𝓶𝓸𝓭𝓮𝓾𝓼

Love Language? Quality time, Gift Giving and Physical Touch

He LOVES it when you two spend time together. That means lots of touching...

Like painting your nails, spa and self-care days, trying on clothes, list goes on! [... what were you thinking???]

Loves buying you clothes when he's off shopping, he sees something that suits your fashion taste? oh he's getting one in every colour.

Def. matching outfits for the two of you, like genuine matching outfits - not those tacky couple's shirts, tf?

Extremely PDA, so be ready for surprise kisses and hugs.

Be ready to be shown off! He'll be posting photos of you two together on his socials, takes you to his modeling gigs, parties, the whole nine-yards.

Out of all his designer clothes and belongings, you are the one he wants on his person 24/7.

Did you forget the man's also a musician? [I'm pretty sure it's actually canon in OG OM! might be wrong - don't hold me to this statement.]

He will write songs about you, you are his muse.

Makes sure you get VVIP treatment if you attend his shows and backstage privileges and just make sure the staff at his shows/events are treating you like the gem he sees you as.

In public, he'll hold your hand, link your arm with his, or even have a hand on your waist to keep you close to him at all times.

When you're sad he'll let you lay with him in his bed and spoon you, holding you close to him as he whispers sweet nothing to you but also will listen to you if you need to talk.

Respects your boundaries - Yeah, he's very physical when showing you how much he loves you but if you show any signs of being uncomfortable or tell him to stop, he will.

He never wants to upset you with his touching of physical affection.

Finds everything about you adorable

I mean EVERYTHING. You have parts of you you don't like and are insecure about? To him, every inch of you is perfect to him. You can't tell him otherwise.

He'll call you all the nicknames under the sun.

But, would mostly use 'babe', 'hun', 'cutie', 'gorgeous', and 'my beloved'

Fav. places to kiss? Everywhere and anywhere.

But most fav places to plant his kisses are your lips, shoulders and neck.

𝓑𝓮𝓮𝓵𝔃𝓮𝓫𝓾𝓫

Love language? Acts of Service and Quality time.

Willing to cook you anything you desire [with a little of restrain and struggle to not gobble down the food he's cooking for you]

Memorized all of your fav. foods, comfort foods and snacks, food allergies, how you like your food.

Anything relating you with your relationship with food - he will remember it.

Sad? Beel's got you, he's cooking up your ultimate comfort food for you - in the meantime, please enjoy the comfort snacks he bought you while he cooks for you.

Food is his love language, you can't tell me otherwise!

uh-oh, you're having late night cravings? Most likely Beel will be in the kitchen when you get there and he'll be more than happy to cook for you - no matter what your request is.

Def. a lot of food centric dates - restaurants, picnics, food tours, street food, movie nights.

DW, not all about food when it comes to dates. Loves going for outdoorsy dates to like hikes, enjoys having you as his spotter when working out or having you sit on his back when he's doing push-ups.

If you're there with him and you're spending time with him, he considers it a date

If there's food, he wants to experience it with you.

Love just being around you.

Cuddling on his bed to going grocery shopping - he loves it.

The strong silent type but will be sure to tell you how much he loves being around you.

Would love it if you cook/bake with him

He aspires to be a chef [literally canon.], so he loves trying to make new recipes and cooking dinner with you when he's on cooking duty.

Would call you 'honey' or something... I feel like any food related nicknames he'd use

otherwise, he'd just call you by your name

Fav. places to kiss? The top of your head and forehead.

𝓑𝓮𝓵𝓹𝓱𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓻

Love Language? Physical Touch.

Cuddles and snuggles in the Attic sleeping area Belphie set up when he was captive everyday after school, though he would want it to be 24/365 or till the end of time

Loves it when you gently play with his hair when he sleeps on you.

Loves waking up next to you, if your still asleep he'll just lay there admiring you while he plays with your hair or caresses your cheeks.

Would most likely use you as a personal body pillow.

Any sleeping position works for him - the closer your body is to his, the better.

Very handsy when he sleeps, he'll cling to you when you two are sleeping together - so be ready to never be able to escape his grasps till he wakes up.

Dates include a lot of night-time activities [yeah, I'm aware that the Devildom is in enteral night] include night walks in the surrounding woods and stargazing either outside of the House of Lamentation or in the Planetarium room of the house.

Would def. find a star close enough to his and Beel's and claim it as yours so no matter how far apart you are, you'll always be close to each other in the stars he loves looking at.

Loves getting pets on the head and when you caress/hold his face in your hands

You are now his personal pillow, he will lean against you anywhere at anytime to take a nap.

In more private settings, he'll lay down on your lap and fall asleep or just chat with you like that till he drifts off to sleep

You bed is now his bed, man would def. sneak into your bed in the middle of the night to sleep next to you

Calls you 'sleepyhead' or 'sleepy-sheep'

Fav. place to kiss? Forehead, back of neck, and shoulders.

[hexgaywire]

hello! (◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉI hope you're having a great day! i wanted to ask if it's okay to make a request (⁠;⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠)

I'd like to request where reader is also a streamer and whenever a collab horror stream with vox and hex and (separately), reader's heart beat always speeds up at the start (the game is not on yet and chat can see since she's already set up her heart beat monitor) like at some point chat notices it's a recurring thing that only happens during horror collabs with vox or hex and the chat kinda outs reader to them, and their reaction to that information.

i dunno if that makes sense exactly 😭🥹 (also please do not mind the request it if you're not up to writing 🥹 it's just me projecting how how my heart beats absolutely fast when i hear these two 😞)

I'm here to deliver Hex and Vox brain rot! One thing about me I will always write for Hex if given the opportunity. To preface I have not watched a Vox stream in a moment so I apologize if he seems a little OOC. Mentally I'm still in his ASMR era. Also shout out to Hex Haywire for currently, as of writing this, unable to go live on YouTube bc he posted horny on main.

»»————-　☾　————-««

Heart Monitor Shenanigans with Vox and Hex

Rating: SFW

Pairing: Streamer/Vtuber Reader / Vox, Hex (separate)

Warnings: Implied hidden crush. That's it that's the intro.

»»————-　☾　————-««

"Are you excited chat?" Vox entertains your combined chats as you struggle to set up your heartbeat monitor; horror game menu lopping every couple minutes that ticks by. "I'm so sorry guys, this happens every time. I even tested it out a couple hours before the stream so we would have this issue." You sheepishly say. " That's quite alright, Y/N, your chat is lovely and so are my Kindred. They get a Zatsu, a collab and a heartbeat monitor all in one stream." He chuckles. Finally after restarting the program and refreshing it on OBS your heartbeat monitor springs to life. " Thank God!" You exclaim. "Thanks for your patience everyone!" "We are finally ready? Let's gooooo! No 'Shupport' needed, nice work Y/N!" Vox praises you. Your heart jumps in your chest at the praise.

> Ayo why is Y/N BPM so high lololol

>Y/N!!!! You do this every collab with Vox

> That's kinda high....

You watch in horror as your chat blatantly drags you under the bus. You cough awkwardly and quickly try to divert the conversation. "With the scuff out of the way, why don't we get started?" You glance over at Vox's POV and his chat and man the Kindred's are also throwing you under the bus.

> Y'all are seeing what I'm seeing right?

> Love how the game hasn't even started yet and their heart rate is off they hearts HAHA

> My tsundere oshi and oblivious oshi

Vox, you can tell, is trying his best not to tease you you can tell by the tone in his voice. "Thank you for the Supa, remember to follow rules chat, this is a collab Y/N is a guest." Vox starts the game and also tries to take the attention of you, which makes your heart rate spike again. The chat goes nuts. Both you and Vox continue as normal though and begin the game.

-

"Thank you all for watching and thank you to Vox for the collab! I can't wait for the next one!! Say bye chat!!!" You say enthusiastic as you both prepare to end your streams. Once you end stream Vox immediately starts to haze you. "So are we gunna talk about the high BPM or was it just the anxiety of the monitor not working?" He asks smugly. "It's uh gotta be the anxiety thing..." You mumble. "Yeah, I think Kyle said the same thing last time though, Y/N... " " Vox I-" " I'm teasing you, it's fine. Honestly I find it flattering." You roll your eyes but the heat rises to your cheeks. " Thanks for the collab today, we'll definitely have to do this again soon." " Hey maybe next time we can do an off collab? " Vox suggests. A million thoughts run through your head and before you can respond Vox cuts in. "Think about it. I'd love to do it sometime. Have a good one Y/N! " Vox leaves the call. You sit there staring at your monitor which once again, spikes.... You don't know if your heart can handle an off collab.

»»————-　☾　————-««

"Chat I think Hex forgot about us." You sigh dramatically. You frantically message him over Discord for the third time asking him if he's awake. Hex wasn't streaming his POV and did warn you he might be a few minutes later but as you sit here, dedicated sicklings and your own chat, anxiously waiting.

"I'm giving him 5 more minutes then we are jumping in without him." You huff. You hear the discord " join" noise and you don't register it until you hear his voice. "You'd really start without me?" His voice as raspy as ever cuts in. Your heart pounds in your chest, partly because you weren't expecting him to join so suddenly. "H.. hex Haywire everyone!"

> Hexy!!!! Welcome

> Hi Hex!

> Woah morning voice TSKR

"Sorry for the wait... I over slept..." He admits. "You're stupid." You giggle. "You leave your collab partner and your chat, alone, unsupervised, we could've been planning to overthrow you." You joke. " You wouldn't do that, you're too sweet." He yawns. " Right chat? Aren't they the sweetest." You can see your heart rate monitor skyrocket.

> They are the sweetest!!! So true Hex

> Sus monitor

> Y/N Did you forget you have a monitor on? Www

Man the sicklings don't let anything slide. "Let's uh... Start the game." You cough awkwardly.

-

"Sicklings please remember to thank y/n for streaming their POV today." Hex hums out. " And thank you to Hex for coming on! Everyone say bye to Hex!!! Thank you all for coming to today's stream and I'll be back tomorrow with some more Stardew Valley! Byee!!" You say as you mute your OBS and change to your ending scene. "You're resting heart rate is concerning Y/N." Hex comments nonchalantly. "I.... pump blood really fast?" You try to avoid this topic like the plague. "Listen thanks again for breaking your sleep schedule for me, next time we'll stream in your time zone." You say. "Next time huh? Already excited for the next one." You can hear the smugness in his voice. "So what." You huff. He chuckles. "Just let me know, you know I love collabing with you. Good night Y/N" Hex hangs up and you're left with a huge grin on your face.

»»————-　☾　————-««

Psst down here... My requests are open 🗣️

[coluccism]

hello  !  i'm  yara  and  i'm  looking  for  long  -  term  writing  partners  ♡  all  writing  will  be  done  through  discord  ,  i  don't  like  using  tumblr  anymore  thanks  to  the  bad  updates  and  jcink  is  a  beast  i'm  too  afraid  to  go  near.

if you're interested in anything below , react to this post , send me a message in this post , or just reach out directly !

i'm  looking  for  writing  partners  who  : 

are  twenty1+  (  i'm  twenty7  going  on  twenty8  myself  !  )

lean  towards  para  /  novella  writing  styles  ,  quick  text  threads  are  okay  but  i  much  prefer  actual  threads.  i  also  prefer  to  write  in  third  pov  ,  as  for  past  or  present  tense  usage  i'm  fine  with  either  and  will  follow  my  partner's  lead.

enjoy  playing  multiple  muses  and  worldbuilding.  that  is  ,  instead  of  focusing  on  just  two  characters  ,  i  sometimes  like  to  build  an  entire  verse  with  a  cast  of  characters  we  can  pick  up  and  drop  like  barbies.  this  isn't  always  a  need  ,  not  every  plot  will  turn  into  a  verse  but  i'd  like  someone  who  is  open  to  the  idea  !

are  okay  not  writing  smut.  i  do  not  write  smut  ever  because  i  can't  get  my  fingers  to  do  it  ,  apologies.  fade  to  black  is  my  go  to  trick  but  i  am  totally  okay  with  discussing  nsfw  headcanons  !

want  to  make  friends  with  their  writing  partner  ,  aka  me.  i  enjoy  talking  out  of  character  and  goofing  around  ,  headcanoning  for  plots  ,  sending  memes  ,  etc.  with  my  writing  partners.  i'd  very  much  like  to  get  to  know  you  ,  having  no  ooc  contact  feels  weird  to  me.

are  willing  to  communicate  with  me  openly.  if  you  are  no  longer  feeling  a  plot  or  something  like  that  ,  please  let  me  know  !  i  don't  take  ghosting  personally  but  a  quick  message  saying  hey  i  don't  have  muse  anymore  would  be  great  and  i  promise  i  won't  take  it  to  heart.

as  for  the  writing  itself  ,  here  is  what  i'm  into  lately  !

genres  :  gothic  horror  /  horror  in  general  ,  dark  fantasy  /  fantasy  in  general  ,  historical  (  see  :  pirates  )  ,  dark  academia  ,  and  thriller.

fandoms  :  castlevania  nocturne  ,  house  of  the  dragon  ,  squid  game  ,  alice  in  borderland  ,  dune  ,  star  wars  ,  the  hunger  games  ,  formula  1.

i  am  very  picky  about  playing  canon  characters  because  i'm  always  afraid  of  playing  them  wrong  lol  so  all  of  the  above  fandoms  are  settings  i'd  like  to  place  our  original  characters  in  !  the  only  two  fandoms  i  would  ever  play  canon  characters  in  are  the  squid  game  series  and  star  wars  ,  so  if  you're  interested  in  either  please  reach  out.

fcs  i'd  like  to  use  :  gong  yoo  ,  lee  byung  hun  ,  assad  zaman  ,  keke  palmer  ,  tanaya  beatty  ,  lewis  pullman  ,  emma  d'arcy  ,  im  siwan  ,  diego  luna  ,  oscar  isaac  ,  carlos  sainz  ,  mj  rodriguez  ,  manny  jacinto  ,  laura  harrier  ,  ayo  edebiri  ,  aditi  rao  hydari  ,  mackenyu  ,  pedro  pascal  ,  charles  leclerc  ,  oliver  jackson  cohen  ,  kiowa  gordon  ,  way  more  people  i  can't  think  of  right  now.

plots  :  below  are  the  plots  i  really  want  to  write  with  a  partner.  this  is  not  a  conclusive  list  ,  it's  just  what's  at  the  top  of  the  dome  !

muse  a  was  once  muse  b's  mentor  in  one  of  the  hunger  games  and  got  them  out  alive.  now  ,  during  the  quarter  quell  that  reaps  from  the  pool  of  victors  ,  one  of  them  must  return.  this  is  not  a  romantic  plot  ,  this  is  more  like  a  parent  /  child  plot  that  i  want  to  write  because  parent  /  child  dynamics  are  incredibly  interesting  to  me  ♡

once  ,  long  ago  muse  a  called  for  a  companion  and  muse  b  heeded  that  call.  they  were  torn  apart  for  several  years  ,  however  ,  after  a  night  of  passion.  now  ,  muse  a  calls  for  their  companion  once  more  ,  having  lied  their  way  back  into  society's  good  standing  in  order  to  obtain  the  information  required  to  call  their  lover  to  them.  basically  nosferatu  but  more  tender  because  no  lie  ,  i  did  not  find  count  x  ellen  romantic  i'm  sorry  forgive  me  y'all.

muse  a  and  muse  b  were  never  meant  to  fall  in  love.  their  pairing  cannot  gain  them  as  much  politically  as  marrying  others  would  and  in  the  imperium  ,  gaining  political  power  is  everything.  still  ,  there  is  love  they  cannot  deny.  as  forces  fight  to  tear  them  apart  ,  they  stubbornly  hold  onto  one  another  and  plan  an  ascension  of  power  that  will  quiet  their  enemies.  takes  place  in  a  space  opera  setting  because  i  love  space  operas.  i  have  a  whole  verse  for  this  already  made  !

in  a  far  off  kingdom  ,  muse  a  and  muse  b  are  happily  married  and  set  to  take  over  after  muse  a's  parent  on  the  throne  passes  away.  but  things  become  complicated  when  a  plague  besieges  their  kingdom  –  taking  good  citizens  and  turning  them  into  vampyrs.  the  law  has  always  been  clear  that  any  vampyr  must  die  upon  being  discovered.  but  what  will  muse  a  do  when  their  beloved  ,  muse  b  ,  falls  ill  to  the  plague  and  transforms  into  a  vampyr  ? 

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Storer and Calo make each other better at this

S3 was imbalanced.

It was all Storer no Calo -or very little Calo-. She was not as involved in the writing as in S2.

She focused mostly on her EP duty.

Maybe it's because she’s involved in the pre-prod of other Disney projects right now, which started right after award season 2023.

So she had a lot on her plate, she had to prioritize, and writing + producing was too time-consuming so she picked EP. Plus EP is better paid than writing. Let’s be real. She chose wisely, I guess…

But it wasn’t just her that deserted the WR. I’m 100% sure the writers’ team changed from S2.

And you can tell the lack of Caloness. It’s all Storer’s sadism. No balance.

You can call it softness + intensity, or two fires with different levels of ignition, as Ayo said about her character and Jeremy’s. The point is that Calo balanced Storer out.

Without her he’s a 3 y.o. with too many fucking crayons, Uncle Jimmy would say.

She brought in the romantic element.

Storer, the intensity and the chaos.

She was the red string that connected Sydcarmy.

Storer and Calo S&C, btw are like Syd and Carmy.

They make each other better at this.

When they are disconnected, so are Carmy and Syd and they are not as good apart as they are when they are together.

I checked and most eps lack the WRITTEN by xxxx or SCREENPLAY by xxxx credit. Most of them just mentioned the Director and EP or one or the other, but we have no idea who was really responsible for that script, which is shady and kinda backs up my idea that the WR is 100% different now, they let in a bunch of writers that were not there before and have 0 knowledge of the mythology of the show and the characters. No idea about the vibe and the subtext that were there in S1 and 2. So they watched the show a couple of times and started writing for these characters from scratch. AND YOU CAN TELL! The characters didn’t sound like themselves in some scenes, they sounded OOC, especially my man, Carmy! And even Syd sometimes. IT WAS THE NEW WRITERS ON THE BLOCK’S FAULT! I’M TELLING YOU! They shoulda made NO CHANGES, the same WR they had in S2 shoulda have remained untouched. Identical. They fucked up big time, changing that and then the Editors fully fucked it, bc they coulda soften the blow, but didn’t. All of this was signed off by Storer and Calo. Storer is not the same Storer without her. And Calo was otherwise engaged.

I expected better, I expected the winning team to remain the same but they changed it and Disney is probably to blame for that. It was a self-boycot, sure. But not Storer’s. It was ultimately Disney’s because the network saw a Golden Team and decided to make them multitask and diversify, and they got greedy. They wanted them to make a lot of BEARS for them. And they couldn’t. Then again, those were nothing but my own expectations.

Now, if I detach myself from those and analyze this season objectively, like I have on some previous occasions, if I remove my own expectations from the equation, I can easily identify amazing stuff such as the constant battle between man and beast that Storer wants to portray. I mentioned time and time again how Carmy is 100% not based on a chef friend of his, as he said in several interviews, no way. Carmy is Storer and Storer is Carmy and that’s the best guarantee that we, truthers have, of Carmy having a happy ending. I’m sure that happiness will definitely include Sydney. So, summing up, we’re cool. Let’s just be patient and don’t let this sadist fuck with our patience. In the meantime let’s focus on the great things this season had.

Let’s choose to let it go and be positive, as Cousin would say.

This show constantly inspires me to take a good hard look at art as a whole and my own relationship with it. I mean, art in any form. I’m not an artist per se, but I certainly am an avid art consumer and fully believe that life would have no meaning without it. So, having said that Storer’s art is always inviting me to broaden my perspective because whether I like it or not how he does it, he usually pushes the boundaries of writing, storytelling, and cinematography, and also tells a story through music in a very personal way, etc, One of the things I loved the most this season was the cinematography and noticing he found inspo in paintings, painters, etc. I mentioned this season was Carmy’s blue period, like Picasso’s, etc… Storer does that, and last but not least, he put front and center a topic that is often not well depicted on TV, which is MENTAL HEALTH and indirectly, COMPASSION, EMPATHY, LOVE but from a non-romantic perspective. From a human perspective. Not platonic, bigger than that, human. S3 was also about SOLIDARITY if you think about it. And that, in and of itself, is something beautiful.

So, thank you, Storer.

[miridicalkalon-arch]

POSITIVITY!! ??? HERE!!!: You're such a caring and sweet person who put your whole soul into all you do! Be it just interacting ooc, or writing, or even just decorating your space! Honestly, you give me a sensitive(in a good way), gentle poetic soul energy, with alot of love to give. I appreciate you alot, and all your muses and our interactions. I know Im a slow bean and barely get 1 or 2 replies out in general per week, but know that I look forward to and enjoy all our roleplays! And I love your take on your muses as well <3 You're a dear friend who I hope to keep as a friend until the day you grow tired of me shdhhdbd *ALL THE HUGS*

. . . — Idk what possessed you to wake up and just go,

AYO LET'S MAKE HAVEN FUCKING CRYING TODAY!?!

but thank you, geninuely when i say all the positivity given not just to me but the ones i given to others has made me so emotional I mean it. because you're all so sweet and kind and when I say you mean the world to me jen I mean it. I don't have many friends but the ones I have i hold deeply in my heart and you're one of them. I love you and your muses, I love the bond we have and I adore the things we talk about muse wise. you're the first person besides amu who I ever felt comfortable shipping with and if anyone knows me. they know I HATE shipping. i gives me hives I swear

but you helped me find joy in it and find joy in writing again. I'm so happy to have you as one of my closet friends! Thank you for that. Seriously thank you for helping me love the thing I love and being there for me through a lot and welcoming me with open arms. you and others are the reason im here to stay!

NOW COME HERE SO I CAN CRY ON YOU AND TELL YOU ABOUT MY FAVORITE TEAL HEART, 😭😭🩵🩵🩵🩵 you're the hydrangea in my garden

「   ASK MEME :   HOW’S MY PORTRAYAL?   」

[mrmcwigglyman]

Live thoughts on Phase Euphoria debuts

Saya: 10 minutes in and I have no fucking clue if she even knows what she's doing. ESL Energy without being ESL. Dog barking during stream. Ayo debut Kahoot? Drew a rainbow using only a red marker. Drew a picture of a snail for no reason and even she doesn't know what it means. Shiki sister? Does that mean Rin sister?

Runie: Orisong for the lore video! Lore: Fucked around and found out. Runie can have a little 10,000 demons as a treat. Afraid of butterflies, trains. Introduced genmates as runes!

Muyu: Speaks in 3rd person. Probably gonna have dedicated OOC streams like Jelly and Dizzy. Can't read dates. WTF Her music taste is so good! Cow-waii. RHYTHM GAME PLAYER LFG!! She's been wearing an actual bell the entire debut. (bell jumpscare count: 1). Tearing up already 💜💜💜! Knew Saya before PC. Wait she was a hologram the whole time before the song, wasn't she?

Hina: Oh no she's gullible. Best way to show off tongue ever. She is 2 light years long, apparently. Or maybe 2 light years away from us? I don't know, light years are a measure of distance, right? Dubstep let's go?? Obsessed with elves apparently. IYU❤️O. An about me segment that doesn't use ANY form of traditional PowerPoint? Impressive.

Eimi: Badass orisong. Noted: should not be taller than Saya. Water bottle holds 2 liters. Permanent :3 face. Hamster GED. FELLOW CHILDREN'S CARTOON ENJOYER. Noted: only has the hamster ears. Possible band kid, trumpet player? I literally can't tell if she's saying "hamster" or "hipster", and both make equal amounts of sense.

[crystal-criminal]

“YOU FOUND IT?? YAAYY!! WE FOUND ITT!! WEFOUNDITWEFOUNDITWEFOUNDITTT!”

Pear cheered, jumping up and down with excitement. They clung to Ribbon’s side, stepping back and giving Coil some space for him to do whatever he was going to do.

“A- are you sure? I mean.. I can try to pick the locket out.”

They ran a finger through their hair and extracted a hairpin from their head, just as a Plan B.

-🍐&🎀 (ooc: it is indeed very gay to box with your bro. i fw coilpunk)

"Watch me." -> Coil kneeled down and grabbed onto the drain, wrapping his fingers tightly around the bars before letting out a growl. One tug, two tug, three tug aaaaaaaaand! -> The drain came off with a hard tug from the bi-colored demon. He breathed out, dropping the drain cover beside himself before reaching down and snatching up the locket. "Ayo.... Who's fancy little necklace is this? Reeeeeeal pretty!" -> He chuckles and looks over at Pear, his tone playful.

[voidfell]

General Tags

[elmentalwish-archived]

YO I GOT BENNETT FROM THE STANDARD BANNER FOR THE FIRST TIME

[frenziedslashers]

Ayo! Ima be honest there, this fic with wounded Handsome Jack x Reader was the first one where I didn't skip a single word, like aaa u did it so great!

I had a thought about something oppsite - where it is the reader who gets hurt, and HJ is the one saving them and taking care... likeeee AAA.... it could be fluff, or something more dramatic and bloody, whatever you thing would be great :D I just can see it written great by your talented hands

This literally made me smile so much??? I am so scared to post Jack content because I always feel like I butcher his character (I have a couple drafts that I have been working on. They are pretty much ready to post, I'm just a little scared. I swear I am not ignoring the Jack asks 👹). I am honored that you liked it that much though! As someone who has read nearly all the xReader Borderlands content on ao3, I totally get that... Some nice I had to skip paragraphs because it was either too ooc or just... Odd... I forget how scary some borderlands fans are 😟 There are a lot of pics on there that I adore, but I feel like every fandom has those pics that you just physically cannot finish. So I am glad that my Jack was good enough 💪💪 ALSO thank you for the love homie. glad you sent in a request! I love me some angst that leads to fluff 😌

Flying Bullets:

"More incoming!" Jack screamed over your com, a grunt leaving your throat as you slammed your body against a crate in a poor attempt to avoid the bullets that flew overhead. You had no idea how you got yourself into this mess. Let alone with Handsome Jack. You knew he was bad news. Everyone despised him, but you still saw him as John, who simply worked with you for Hyperion and was incidentally your best friend as well.

You saw him as the guy who you would sit with alone for lunch break. The both of you talking and laughing over nothing. The friend that would take you out for drinks after a hard day of work and even hit on you here or there. Though, nothing serious ever happened between the two of you.

"Kiddo, answer me!" You snapped out of your thoughts when you heard Jack's voice screaming into your ears. It made you flinch, a cringe settling on your face. "I hear you, Jackie." You responded, shooting a couple times at the Raiders that ran out into your line of sight.

"Are you able to get to where I'm at?" You huffed a bit. As if you would know exactly where he was without him sharing his coordinates. "Where's your location?" "I'm up near the front gate. If you get here we can get to a ship out of this shit hole and back to Helios!" He spoke, and you groaned again. Your shield was low and broken. It wasn't recharging anymore. A problem that you were almost scared to tell Jack. The confrontation would go either one of two ways. He'd freak out, worry, and throw himself into the line of fire to make sure you were safe. Or he'd freak out, worry, and then yell at you for being so stupid and agreeing to go with him to Pandora with a shitty shield.

"Can you do that?" You pondered, "I can try."

It was a hard task to complete. You figured if you did die in this fight you may as well go out guns-a-blazin'. Shooting round after round into the Crimson Raiders that tried to take you down. You nearly made it to Jack, too. If it weren't for a Raider you missed shooting you once, breaking your shield. Then twice, a fatal shot to your back.

The scream that ripped from your chest had your head pounding, and Jack's heading whipping towards you.

"Kid," He stammered, "Kiddo? Pumpkin?" His voice wavered, and then something clicked in the guy. If your vision wasn't blurry from the pain as you lay on the ground. You would have seen the glint of rage behind the mans eyes. The way his face shifted from concern to pure rage. It made the few remaining Crimson Raiders freeze up. Knowing Jack was going to be putting up a hell of a fight.

Screams and gunfire were all you could hear in your ringing ears. You could hardly decipher the screams of the dying to Jack's war cries. If you weren't dying yourself, you might actually feel a bit scared, but right now you could hardly care. Gasping and wincing while lying helplessly on the ground. You could hardly move without your whole body sending shocks of pain through itself.

"Hey, hey," His hand on your back made you cry out again. You hadn't even noticed that Jack was at your side now. Attempting to tend to your wounds to get you back home. Back to Helios where you would be safe and someone could save you. "I know, I have to look at it!" He snapped, but quickly cleared his throat. "Dammit, sorry. I just need to see it. I'm not trying to hurt you, pumpkin." He told you, trying his best to be careful while he moved your clothing up so he could see the wound a bit better. Your cries making him wince himself. You'd think he would have been shot, too. Just from hearing the pathetic noises you were making.

"Oh shit, God this is bad. Why didn't you tell me your shield was low? I could have came to you!" There it was. Option one of how you expected him to react if you would have told him your shield was down. You wanted to smile, laugh a little at how well you knew your friend, but your thoughts were quickly pushed aside when Jack decided to apply pressure. A scream left your throat, and your vision went blurry. It was too hard to stay awake no matter how much Jack pleaded with you to keep your eyes open. You hadn't realized how much he really cared for you until you were nearly meeting your Maker. Vision finally blurring enough that all you could see was black. Your senses dulling, succumbing to the darkness once you passed out in his arms.

Jack had no idea that you had just passed out, though. He thought you died, but that didn't stop him from picking your body up from the ground to carry you back to the ship. He was just thankful that he had people on there to pilot it for him, and some health to at least give you a slight boost until the two of you made it back to Helios.

He refused to let you go until those doors opened. Continuing to apply pressure after he had wrapped his belt and one of his jackets awkwardly around your middle to help stall the bleeding. There was so much blood. His clothes were soaked. His skin was sticky with sweat and blood. The thing of it is, he didn't even know if it was all your blood. Some of it had to be from the Raiders he killed after you were shot. His anger getting the best of him like it regularly did.

"Sir, you need to let them go." He looked up at the nurse in front of him. "What?" His voice was shaky. "I need you to let them go and put them on the table now before they lose any more blood. I need to get them into the infirmary, now." They stated sternly, and Jack nodded with understanding. Laying you reluctantly on the bed. These were his own men and women working for him, but he was so scared to trust them with you. You were the only good thing he had left that was connected to his old life, rather than Angel. You were almost a better memory holder than she was, though. With her being the reason her mother died and all.

It wasn't until later that night, nearly five hours later that Jack was informed that you were in Critical, but stable condition. He knew you wouldn't be able to help him with his plans for the next coming weeks, and honestly, he was glad. Not that he didn't enjoy your help, he just always worried about your safety. This call was too close for comfort. It nearly made him postpone his plans of finding the Vault, too. If it weren't for the fact that he was literally the man's most wanted by the Vault Hunters themselves. That didn't stop him from trying to take care of you to the best of his abilities, though. Even going as far as sending people to check up on you when he was away from Helios.

"Jack," you would say his name, and he would be there. Holding your hand, offering food, water, entertainment, whatever it was you asked. He was giving it to you. You were his light after all. The brightest star in his galaxy. Even if he didn't show you how much he cared, often. He truly did.

It was almost weird for you. He was always so snarky and rude with you. Even if you knew that was just how he showed his affection. How he told you that he loved and appreciated you as a friend without telling you those exact words. You almost weren't sure if you liked how nice he was being with you.

"Why haven't you called me an idiot." He looked up from the book in his hands over to you with raised brows. "Excuse me?" "When I nearly got myself killed. I expected you to at least call me stupid for it. I didn't tell you my shield was broken and not recharging, and yet here you are. Being all sweet and nice to me. It's kind of scary, honestly... You aren't a doppelgänger, are you?" Jack smiled as he placed his book down in his lap. "Well, now that you say it. I did forget to tell you how utterly idiotic that stunt was and if you ever go pulling it again I will personally revive you just to shoot you again." Jack told you, and that caused a smile to form on your own features. There he was. "Oh, so I should have just ignored direct orders?" He rolled his eyes with a sigh. "No, you should have told me what was happening and I could have come to help. You really think I like putting you at risk?" Well, it seemed like it. With the number of close calls you have had, and then this.

He sighed at your lack of a response. "I don't. I really don't. I only take you along because I know you'd find a way fighting those assholes without me or with me. I may as well be there to revive you when you decide to do something stupid." You rolled your eyes this time. "Didn't realize you actually cared about me." He froze up when you said that. You were only joking, and you thought that he could tell, but obviously that seemed to strike a chord with the man before you.

"Oh, so you think I don't care about you either? What the hell has the past few weeks been? I've laid off finding the fricken Vault for you! I've been by your side, making sure you don't die on me and you think I don't care about you?" He shouted, tossing his book to the side while standing to his feet. "Why don't you fill me in on what it is I feel about you then. Why every time I see you I want to blow my brains out because of how much I care about you. Shit, it's annoying, honestly!" Jack started approaching you. Slight more weight to his steps than usual. Obviously pissed and growing more so by the second. "I could have left you to die." He told you, a slight grin on his face as he laughed out of disbelief for himself. "Hell! I would have left any one of my other employees or skilled assassins there to die! But I just couldn't fricken leave you there, now could I? Not when you're the one real thing that I have anymore."

Your eyes were wide. Staring up at the man who was looming over you as you lay on the bed. You looked a little scared, but you were more so taken aback by his words. Yeah, he was basically saying he would have left you for dead if the two of you didn't have a connection, but he was also admitting things that you never thought you'd hear from him.

"I don't mean to yell," Even though that seemed to be the only thing he knew how to do. "I just... I hate that you would even suggest that I don't care about you. I mean, c'mon! Look at everything we've been through!" He exclaimed as he sat on the bed beside you.

Yeah. Everything the two of you have been through. Working together. Getting fired together. Jack gaining power. You gaining power through Jack. Late nights together. Even an attempted date before his ex had come along. It was a lot, and you regretted making him think that you thought he didn't care.

"Jack, I'm sorry. I was just joking around." You admitted, reaching out to grab his hand. His eyes darted down and then back up to study your face. "Could you ever forgive me?" He pondered, a smile creeping on his lips. "Oh, I don't know. I guess I could forgive a cute thing like you." A sigh left your lips, tapping the top of his hand. "If I didn't know any better. I'd say you were flirting with me, Jackie." The way you purred out his name in such a teasing way made his blood boil. Out of annoyance at the nickname, and slight excitement from just the sound. "Well, I could be if you wanna interpret it that way, pumpkin." His hand reached up to brush your chin with his thumb. "I think it's your turn to be called out for your ignorance of my own emotions." His brows furrowed, sighing at his dumbfounded expression.

"So... Was that a yes?" "Jack," "Huh?" "You're as oblivious as the day I met you." He stared at you for a moment longer. "I'm saying yes, Jack. Jesus Christ and you're supposed to be the flirt of Helios?" He let out a groan of his own before carefully maneuvering himself over top of you so he could lay on the other side of you on the bed. "Oh shut it, you're the one overcomplicating shit." He huffed, carefully pulling you close to him to hint that the both of you needed a nap. Whether you wanted one or not. "Just shut up and sleep. We can talk about our stupid emotions later. You ruined the moment by calling me an idiot." "Oh, like you haven't been calling me one for the past 10 minutes. Plus I didn't even call you one!" "Well, that's different, and yes you basically did. I'm not arguing further." "Fine."

[toadminako]

I recently noticed that on the WWDITS Writers Guild of America Page...

they are now listing the writers for each episode of season 4, but not the episode titles. So being the mentally-well person I am, I cross-referenced the leaked episode titles with the writer(s) on each numbered episode, then I noted some thoughts on the content of the episodes and what past work the writer has done. I think it gives us some idea of what to expect from the tone and style of each episode. Details under the cut:

DISCLAIMER 1: Do keep in mind that just because certain people are credited as the “writers” of a given episode, it’s still likely that everyone in the writers’ room - staff writers, script editors, the producers, showrunner etc - contributed. Nevertheless, the credited writer can give you some idea of what to expect.

DISCLAIMER 2: I make some (probably ill-advised) statements of what I think the strongest and weakest episodes were so far. This is of course just my opinion.

Anyway! let’s have a look at the writer credits…

1.      Reunited

·        Written by: Stefani Robinson & Paul Simms

The only episode Robinson has a writing credit on this season. Maybe due to concurrent work on Atlanta? We don’t know much about the content of the episode, other than the vamps return to Staten Island and the house lies in disrepair. I expect a lot of flashbacks to what they’ve been doing over the past year. Being showrunners/executive producers, Robinson and Simms will tend to handle the plot-heavy episodes and establish the outline for the beginning and ending.

2.      The Lamp

·        Written by: Wally Baram & Aasia Lashay Bullock

Don’t know either of these writers as they seem to be new to the show as of season 4. They’ve apparently worked on Upload, Space Force, Sprung and Betty. All shows I’m not familiar with! However, the leaked scripts from the episode did make me laugh. This is the one where Nandor employs a Djinn to bring back one of his wives and do er… other things too.

3.      The Grand Opening

·        Written by: Sam Johnson & Chris Marcil

Very likely the “Nadja opens a Nightclub” episode. This writing duo previously wrote “Collaboration” (some OOC moments but a pretty funny and quite Nandermo-y episode) and “The Cloak of Duplication” (a very funny and arguably the first 100% Nandermo-y episode). They have a lot of successful previous work on Frasier, Beavis and Butt-head, Daria, How I Met Your Mother and The Adventures of Pete & Pete. Johnson is also an executive producer on the show who has co-written episodes with Robinson and Simms.

4.      The Night Market

·        Written by: William Meny & Paul Simms

Meny was actually one of the Story Editors on Our Flag Means Death as well! His previous credits are “Witches” in S2, one of my favourites, and “The Chamber of Judgement” in S3, which I think was one of the weaker episodes though Derek’s return and Guillermo’s gaslight gatekeeping girlbossing was hilarious. What we do know about this episode is that it’s  the one that features Guillermo’s family somehow, and Simms says it’s their most ambitious episode yet in terms of the scale of the supernatural creatures involved.

5.      Private School

·        Written by: Ayo Edebiri & Shana Gohd

Ayo Edebiri appears to be a newcomer to the show, having previously worked on Big Mouth, Dickinson and Sunnyside. Oddly enough Shana Gohd wrote both “Colin’s Promotion”, which is my personal favourite of whole series, and “The Siren”, which is my least favourite. I do think she writes Colin Robinson exceptionally well. This must be the episode the leaked “Child Colin goes to school” script is from. I can’t wait to see how they use special effects to accomplish this.

6.      Pine Barrens

·        Written by: Sarah Naftalis

The legend herself who wrote “The Curse” & “The Casino”. Harvey has mentioned he particularly likes how she does Guillermo’s character voice, and I’m inclined to agree. It seems like this episode will involve Seaniiiiiiiie going to a hunting lodge with the vampires, and the Jersey Devil might show up. It’s also probably named after a very famous episode of The Sopranos, so I can’t wait to see what they do with that.

7.      Go Flip Yourself

·        Written by: Marika Sawyer

We know pretty much nothing about this episode as far as I can tell. [Guillermo voice] What I CAN tell you… Is Marika Sawyer wrote “The Orgy” and “Resurrection”, two of my personal favourites (though I know some people don’t like Resurrection very much) as well as penning “Gail” and having a co-writing credit on “Farewell”. She seems to have a tendency towards goofy sex jokes which I appreciate. She was a very well-established writer on SNL amongst other shows before working on WWDITS.

8.      Freddie

·        Written by: Jake Bender & Zach Dunn

WE KNOW ALL ABOUT THIS ONE, PRETZELS AT THE READY. These fellas wrote “Brain Scramblies” and “The Escape”. Two pretty-darn-good-but-not-the-absolute-best episodes IMO. Maybe it’s of interest that the guys who gave us The Slap are also giving us the Freddie episode... Who knows?

9.      The Wedding

·        Written by: Sam Johnson & Sarah Naftalis & Marika Sawyer & Paul Simms

Recent reveals to the press suggest this will finally be Nandor marrying whoever his wife candidate turns out to be, along with Guillermo as his best man. Regular writers Johnson, Naftalis and Sawyer make a return here to write with Simms. That suggests to me that this will indeed be a big, plot-heavy episode. Eeeeee!

10.   Memories

·        Written by: Paul Simms

Another episode that we know nothing about this other than that it ends on a cliffhanger and some of it might have been shot on a wet set, but right now showrunner Paul Simms is the only one credited, so it’s probably a biggie one way or another.

[aceofsweets]

Oke okee- umm- can I request Yan! Roguefort X reader? HCs are fine?

Yandere! Roguefort x GN! Reader

Ayo thanks for the request Yakou! Fun fact: I'm Earl Grey Anon lmfao

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER!:

Be aware I used Roguefort's KOREAN gender, making them male, so do not attack me for using he/him pronouns for Roguefort, if you have any comments about the pronouns keep it to yourself please! I am well aware they use they/them (for eng) and he/him (for Krn & Jpn)

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» [𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸𝗲𝗿'𝘀 𝗧𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗼] «

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⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻

❝𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙚, 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙚, 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙚, 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚!~❞

Trigger Warnings!: Stalking, Kidnapping, Possessiveness, Stolen personal items, Murder

Au: Human AU!

Genre: Yandere (Is this even a genre?)

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This man is literally Earl Grey but french and is wanted

Moment he saw you he was like "Oh they're really pretty! I want to date them!"

After that day prepare to never have the same life you lived!

One night he was so desperate to know more about you that he followed you home and watched you sleep

I think you wanna close the windows and curtains he's creepy as hell

trust me, even if he's staying hidden for now, he'll find his way to spend time with you

"Oh darling whatever will I do without you!"

Timeskip again lmao

Cheesecake Cookie invited you to a ball she was hosting, so you decided to dress up for this

Little did you know...cheeseman would also be there

Entering the Cheesecake manor, admiring all the small details of it, you couldn't help but noticed a person in shades of dark blue and black

Durning the time of the ball he was doing his best to not stand up and kidnap right then and there

Your number one simp

Roguefort was trying to contain his happiness, you noticed him! he's squealing inside

"Oh My! They finally noticed me! ah what a wonderful feeling~"

Oh no, He's a possessive yandere now, get ready your actually never gonna live normally with this man around

Will steal anything you touched, you used your hairbrush? sorry but it's his now

He will steal your clothes, either you like it or not he's gonna steal em nonetheless

When he/they finally can contact you, you're hanging out with a Cookie that's not him!

So what does he do?

He murders them right infront of you of course!

You gained trauma from that, and before forming any sentences he chloroformed you and brought you to his house

"After all these weeks and months of planning! your finally here..."

Yeah, like most yanderes he most definitely won't let you go

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You didn't want this, hell nobody would want this, your just tied to a chair with Roguefort watching over you, oh how much you wanted to kick him in the nuts but unfortunately couldn't "What's wrong my love? do you not like this? is this uncomfortable?" He asked "Look, Phantom Bleu, I obviously do not want this! so let me go!" Oh the pang of shame went through his heart, he knew, just knew you didn't want this but retreated with the words "Oh but love! we're meant to be! like a jewel and a thief..." well enjoy your new life!

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Ahhahahahahah, Funi cheese man whom I love so much, Hope you enjoyed this Yakou! and uh, sorry if Roguefort was ooc lmao

-Mid </3

[drawlfoy]

detention retention finale p.1

masterlist (read parts 1-2 here!) request guidelines

pairing: draco x reader

request: no this series is from my original idea however i did take inspo from quite a few people (credited at the bottom of this)

summary: gryffindor y/n is put to the test when she tries to use her detentions with draco malfoy to get close enough for him to share his secret. unfortunately, things are never as simple as they seem. (set in 6th year)

warnings (plz pay attention to these this time): blood, violence, mild gore, mentions of wanting to throw up, you’re just kinda not having a great time during this chapter. also, kinda dark!harry trope here. it is a little ooc, i know, but it was what worked and so i ran with it. also, i play around with the timeline of events that occur in hbp so just expect that 

a/n: the long awaited p1 of the finale is here! the second half is almost entirely written save for a few scenes, and i expect to get that out in the next few days (so much less than a week). i really appreciate you all being patient--i wrote and rewrote the potion scene about 3-4 times because it just wasn’t the vibes that i wanted, but i’m semi happy with how it turned out and at this point i’m just gonna go crazy if i keep trying to restructure it so here we go. all the loose ends will b tied up in the last part and y/n is finally gonna catch a break ;) so as always lmk what you think!

word count: 8.7k

here’s a spotify playlist inspired by this fic!

tags: @gruffle1 @missmultifandommess @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @yesnerdsblog @shizarianathania @evanstanfanatic @strawberriesonsummer @hariosborn @night-ving @straightzoinked @imintoodeeptostop @naiomimoonshard @jejegu @ophelia-enthusiast @alwaysbeanunknownfan @nearly-memories @litty-dumb @callieclearwater @malfoy-wife15 @charlenasaxen @belladaises @fiantomartell @yiamalfoy @crystalox @dracoismybabey @dreamcxtcherr @decaffeinated-turtle @marrymetheonott @felicityofbakerstreet @daedreamss 

enjoy >:)

Snape’s stores were much more difficult to crack than she’d expected. She’d managed to steal one ingredient from there once, but back then all she had to do was disengage the multiple jinxes that guarded the door. Since, unfortunately, her slimy old Potions professor appeared to have felt a compulsion to fluff his nest and redecorate. A new painting was hung on the door--one of a large raven with beady, intelligent eyes that followed her as she walked past as inconspicuous as she could, no doubt preparing to fly off into the painting’s grey sky to alert his master. Her father had something similar to this in front of his Gringotts vault. She resolved to speak with him over the break to try and find a way in. 

Not like she’d had any chance to execute her plan, anyways. It had been two weeks since Y/N had so much as had a simple interaction with Draco. Every time she tried to talk to him, he turned his attention away from her, offering her a disinterested sniff in response or just outright pretending like he didn’t notice her. Pansy Parkinson seemed to take joy in this development, though she was hardly getting anything on her end save for a few dry looking conversations as Draco’s body angled away from her. 

Without the “distraction” of friendship and genuine human connection, Y/N had plenty of time to emotionally free-fall into an internal moral crisis. She supposed that Draco wasn’t expecting her to keep up her end of the deal now, just as her Gryffindor friends had given up on trying to make her useful. Physically, nothing was stopping her from walking right up to McGonagall during one of her detentions and telling her that Draco Malfoy was making an attempt on the headmaster’s life. But was it really worth it? Every time the thought crossed her mind, all she could think about was the way Draco looked when he talked about his mother, the way a shiny film glazed over his eyes and his eyebrows knit together. 

She’d made a promise. Too much was at stake. While she had failed her friends, she was at least not going to fail Draco...not when the rest of the world had betrayed him. 

Y/N was slowly sifting through thoughts like those when Katie Bell stepped foot into the Great Hall for the first time in a month. Her legs, slightly wobbly from being on bedrest for the better half of November, carried her down the aisle towards the trio of Y/N’s now ex-friends. Her soliloquy was interrupted by the familiar sound of Harry’s voice as he spoke, hushed and rather quickly, to Katie, his hands animated and his frame bent slightly lower so he could speak quietly. It didn’t take much imagination to discern what the topic of their discussion was as their eyes flickered over to the Slytherin table. She managed to hear a few snippets as the wind from the owls blew in and carried it towards her: 

“Malfoy--”

“Was it?”

“...remember?”

Katie, lips pressed into a thin line, shook her head. Harry bit his own lip and swung around to look at a blond figure further down the aisle. Draco. He was staring at the meeting, his body entirely frozen while he took it in. 

Oh, Draco.

Before either party could say anything, he was already turned around and speeding off outside of the hall. She swallowed; Harry and the rest of her Gryffindor peers were conversing and not casting a single look her way. Taking a deep breath, she got up from her seat, leaving her half eaten toast behind.

It didn’t take long to locate Draco--Myrtle’s bathroom was hardly a minute’s walk away from the Great Hall. He was in the same position she saw him there last, his head hanging over the sink basin while his body heaved.

“Draco,” she called out.

He snapped around, his eyes wild and his hair slightly wet at the tips. It occurred to her that he’d splashed his face with water. “Come around again for a formal Katie Bell confession?”

“No!” she exclaimed. No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t get herself past the doorway. Not when his wand was raised at her like that. “I wouldn’t do that. I would never do that.”

“That’s rich, coming from you,” he snarled. “Do you really expect me to believe anything you say?”

“Please,” said Y/N. “Please let me explain.” Despite the sting of his words, she couldn’t help but feel some degree of relief when she realized that he was finally speaking to her again, finally acknowledging her again. 

He let out a huff of disbelief. “This isn’t about you. Don’t you get it? It doesn’t matter whether or not you explain. You lied to me. You put my family in danger, me in danger. And for what? A date with Potter?”

“What?” All the air left her lungs as she stared at him. “It was never like that!” 

“Save it.” His tone, a bitter blend of vileness and defeat, echoed off the stone of the bathroom floor. Y/N was overwhelmed with the urge to run up to him and just beg him to forgive her, but the fire in his eyes and the angry twist of his mouth told her that that wasn’t an option. Instead, she slowly crept towards him. His eyes blazed as she neared him holding her hands up. “Please, Draco. I’m begging you.” 

His composure slipped, his wand shaking slightly in the air while he caught his bottom lip on his teeth and stared at her with a look she couldn’t quite place. She was just about to ask him about it when a pair of footsteps stopped right outside the bathroom.

“I know what you did, Malfoy!” Harry appeared, brandishing his wand and pointing it at him with conviction. “You hexed her, didn’t you? Katie?”

Draco sucked in a wheezy breath, struggling to stand up entirely straight as he held his wand at the ready. 

“You’re not even gonna deny it?”

“Let me guess, Y/L/N couldn’t get a confession out of me so you’re here to pick up the slack?” Draco finally snarled. “How cute.” 

“Shut up!” roared Harry. She’d never seen him look so furious before. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I think I do,” he said menacingly, the usual cool confidence she associated with him slowly reappearing in his demeanor as he twirled his wand around his fingers. Y/N finally let out the breath she was holding as Harry zeroed his focus on her. 

“And just what are you doing here?” he hissed. “Hermione was right, huh? You were with him the entire time. I can’t believe I expected anything different from you.”

Despite the fighting nature of the words coming from one of her best friends, she couldn’t help but glance at Draco as confusion briefly rippled through his features. 

He didn’t know. He didn’t know that she was being shunned by her friends for not telling them anything.

“I was just checking on him!” she wailed.

Visibly unsatisfied with the answer, Harry just scoffed and aimed his wand at Draco. “You’re going to confess what you did or I’m going to make you regret it.”

Harry wasted no time with firing off the first spell--a weakly cast Stupefy that hardly missed her head as Draco’s Protego ricocheted it in her direction. She yelped as she dodged it, smacking into the side of the stall door and falling on the ground unceremoniously hard. Frantically, she dug through the pockets of her cloak to locate her wand, but she was too late. A flash of light was headed her way.

Instead of it smacking into her chest with the force of a curse, the green light spread around her, creating a shield-like sphere. She met Draco’s eye’s briefly in shock. 

He’d cast a protection spell on her. In the middle of a duel that she was hardly formally a part of, he cast a protection spell on her.

“Diffindo!” The puddles from the eternal broken faucet glowed red as Harry parried Draco’s attack. It again went flying in her direction, breaking through the shell of the Fion Duris charm. In a stroke of luck, she rolled out of the way. A light blue flash followed from Draco--a nonverbal.

Finally. Y/N managed to close her hands around her wand, mind racing with thoughts of who she’d disarm first. Her wand had just begun to point towards Harry as the aftershocks of a Levicorpus charm slammed her to the ground once again, her wand bouncing on the cobbled stone once before rolling under the stall door. Y/N swore. “Harry, stop it!”

Harry was clearly losing composure. Despite his magical talent, the speed at which he was rattling off curses compromised his control...and his aim. Draco sent a few Fion Duris and Protego Maxima charms her way, but it still didn’t help when Harry had completely lost it. 

Things turned for the worst when his Tergeo actually sliced Y/N--just barely, but enough to draw a significant amount of blood in her wand arm. Even if she wanted to try and find her wand behind the toilets, she wasn’t even sure if she had the strength to fire off anything.

Her cry of pain prompted Draco to immediately turn his attention from Harry, angling his body towards her instead, an indistinguishable expression etched into his face as he took in the bloodstained white sleeve of her arm. 

Under normal circumstances, Y/N would’ve swooned at the fact that he willingly forfeited the duel just to check on her. But these weren’t normal circumstances, and Harry’s rage-filled expression and clenched jaw reminded her of this as he reeled his arm back and shouted out, “SECTUMSEMPRA!”

She didn’t think about it. To her credit, there really was no time to think. The cracking crimson light flashing towards Draco’s distracted figure was enough for her to launch herself at him with the intent of knocking them both to the ground--but she was too late, far too late. Glowing red light encased her entire body for a few tense milliseconds before she crumpled to the ground.

The Sectumsempra curse felt like every single nerve ending in her chest was being massaged with a sharp knife. Hot, sticky blood filled her mouth as she blinked, glassy-eyed and dazed, up at the ceiling. Distantly she could hear familiar voices over her body. There was a wet warmth that bloomed on her chest. She managed to glance down at her midsection to see an array of deep, short slashes scattered across her torso. 

“Am I okay?” Her voice sounded tinny and funny to her. A pair of light gray eyes came into her vision as she managed another breath. “Draco? Is that you?”

If he leaned closer, she couldn’t tell. His face was beginning to swim in her vision, blending in with the glass ceiling. Finally, a familiar voice, albeit strained and cracking: “You’re okay.”

She felt something shaky brush past her cheek and the coolness of metal rings dance over her skin.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. You’re going to be okay.” He sounded so far away for someone who was leaning right over her. She could see out of the corner of her eye a figure, cloaked in dark robes, raise its wand and recite an unfamiliar incantation. The metallic taste in her mouth began to subside as she felt the warm stickiness of her own blood seep back into her skin. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, not entirely sure what she was apologizing for but doing it anyway. She thought she could feel the warmth of someone’s fingers softly cupping her face, but it could’ve been the heat of the tears pooling at the corners of her eyes. In that moment, she was overwhelmed with the desire to just be held, to not be lonely. “Please don’t go,” she begged. 

The last thing she heard was a tense, “...Okay.” Then everything went black.

~

Y/N spent the majority of her break obsessing over the last memory she had of Draco--the startled way in which he gazed down at her as she bled out in Myrtle’s bathroom and felt his soft hands brush the hair away from her face. It was almost as if there had never been a problem between the two of them, like he’d forgiven her at that moment, but she knew that wasn’t true. Their last Potions class together had made that very clear. While he, thank Merlin, wasn’t letting Pansy hang off him like he did in 4th year, he still pointedly ignored her even though she had to nearly hobble into class. So why had he looked so worried if he didn’t care? And why, whilst surfing the high of a cocktail of pain potions, did she feel like she remembered someone with light blond hair at her side in the hospital wing?

“And you’re sure your bandages are comfortable?” Her mother interrupted her train of thought,, the plate of ethically-sourced willowbird lying completely untouched in front of her. 

“Yes, Mum,” groaned Y/N for what had to be the hundredth time of her Christmas break. “I told you. Professor Snape and Madame Pomfrey made me their top priority over the last week of school. They say that I won’t even need them come January.”

Mrs. Y/L/N hummed as she delicately picked through her salad. 

“I can’t believe that Potter boy’s nerve,” said Mr. Y/L/N from the foot of the table. “Hexing his own friend like that?”

“Dad, he didn’t even know what it did!”

“Exactly! What kind of person does that?”

“He’s just stressed,” Y/N mused, though she was personally a tad miffed at the fact that she’d been brutalized by someone she once considered her best friend. “And he was a little angry at me. He thinks I’m in cahoots with Death Eaters.”

“Ridiculous.” Mrs. Y/L/N vigorously shook her head. “Anyways, dear, no relation to the previous topic: I ran into Minerva at Wurgie’s the other day while I was shopping for gifts. She told me something very peculiar. Is it true you’ve become friends with the Malfoy boy?”

Y/N paled. Dealing with the backlash of Hermione, Harry, and Ron had been bad enough, but her own parents? Over the winter holidays? “Draco?” 

“Yes, unless the Malfoys have another son I’m not aware of.”

“Well…” Y/N searched her mother’s face for any sign of animosity but found nothing but genuine curiosity. “Yes. We both had det--I mean, we were partnered for a class project together in Potions. He seems to have grown up a little.”

Oblivious to the slip up, her mother nodded. “Interesting. I was actually quite close with Narcissa myself back in the day. The Malfoys certainly don’t have a great track record of picking the right side, but we were two quaffles in a case throughout our schooling.”

“You knew Mrs. Malfoy?” asked Y/N, her eyes wide. “I had no idea!”

“Of course, we disagreed on the pureblood values and traditions that should be followed with children,” continued Mrs. Y/L/N, “But despite that, she was always kind. I hope she’s faring well.”

Y/N gulped as an idea slowly began to form in her mind. “Er, Mum, actually...Draco told me some things about...well, his mother.”

Both of her parents perked up. 

“So you know how you guys always talk about how the Order owes you a favor for the time you went undercover in the first Wizarding War?” asked Y/N. They both nodded. “Do you think...we could cash that in right about now?”

~

A month later, Y/N stood in front of the painting that hung on Snape’s door, frowning at the raven that stared right back at her, daring her to try and open the door. In all the excitement of Christmas and explaining to her relatives that she’d nearly been murdered by her ex-best friend in a haunted bathroom, she had completely forgotten to ask her father how to distract a charmed guardian painting, and it’d hardly be beneficial to owl him during a busy work month. It was still completely up to her.

The dungeons sent a certain chill through her bones as she ran through possible plans, prompting her to tuck her hands into her pockets and shiver so hard that she didn’t even hear the footsteps approaching. 

“What are you doing down here?” came the snotty, posh voice that she knew belonged to Pansy Parkinson.

“Parkinson,” Y/N greeted, snapping her head up to see that she didn’t come alone. Draco strode next to her, though he wouldn’t look at her directly. “Come for a rematch?”

Parkinson pulled out her wand and scoffed. “Wasn’t planning on it, but if you’re offering…”

“Pansy!” Draco hissed, yanking her away and forward. “We have places to be. Don’t waste your time.”

“But--”

“She almost got killed by Potter, like, yesterday,” he continued in a hushed voice. “Do you really want to make that worse?”

Parkinson sent her one last sour look before she was dragged off by Draco (who still refused to make eye contact with her). Y/N slumped against the wall, wincing as one of her injured spots bumped against a protruding stone. Why was he ignoring her? He’d protected her during the duel. He was even the one who stood over her as she lay crumpled on the floor. 

A lump began growing in her throat again as she realized just how lonely she was. With her friends gone, all she had now was...her owl, Edison? Yes, that was it. Edison and Hannah Abbott, who clearly was just letting her sit next to her for meals out of pity. Y/N wished that she had the strength to sit alone and just say fuck it so she wouldn’t have to be the kickstart to a bleeding-heart Hufflepuff’s philanthropy career, but she was already beat down enough as she was. Sitting alone would just seal the deal in her new life as a social reject who dreaded classes where the professors let you choose partners. It was like she was a shy first year again, too nervous to talk to anyone and instead sitting alone at the breakfast table, praying that she’d make friends with someone, anyone, even though she was too afraid to figure out how.

And then came Ron, the sweet ginger boy who she’d met once when she went to a wizarding play with her dad. He’d plopped into the space next to her one day, eyeing the untouched plate of toast in front of her.

“You gonna eat that?” he’d asked. Y/N had just stared, mouth agape that someone was actually talking to her. “Hey, you’re the Y/L/N girl, right? My dad works with yours.”

Without waiting for her reply, he’d just popped the piece of toast in his mouth and continued talking at her as if they were old friends. Before she knew it, she was getting swept up into the social swirl of Harry Potter and his friends, helping them as they made their way through Hogwarts and took on the challenges brought upon them by Voldemort and his cronies. For once in her life, Y/N felt like she actually belonged. 

And she’d thrown all of that away. 

“Y/N?” 

An unfamiliar, dreamy voice sounded from a little further down the dark hall, snapping Y/N out of it. She hadn’t even noticed, but she’d slid down to the ground and tucked herself into a ball. When she touched her face, she felt wetness on her cheeks. The raven in the painting made some kind of weird cackling sound.

“Who’s there?”

A girl in Ravenclaw robes, strange eyeglasses, and shockingly white-blond hair that rivaled Draco’s stepped into sight. Luna Lovegood. She’d seen her a few times--mostly during the Dumbledore’s Army meetings they’d both attended last year--but had never had a private, one-on-one conversation with her beyond the time that Y/N threw a protection charm to protect her from Bellatrix’s Avada Kedavra at the Ministry and she’d thanked her. 

“I thought I heard you talking to someone,” said Luna as she settled in next to her, crossing her legs. “Isn’t Snape’s raven lovely?”

“I suppose so,” mused Y/N. 

“His name is Marvin,” continued Luna, “and he always listens.”

“Huh?” Y/N balked, giving Luna a funny look. No wonder they call her Loony Lovegood she thought. “It--he can...talk?”

“Oh, yes,” said Luna, apparently not noticing her confusion. “Marvin is quite the conversationalist, to be honest. Snape is a very fortunate wizard to have him in his possession.”

As if to accent her point, Marvin crowed a few times.

“I was actually coming here to have a chat with him about you,” said Luna. “I think it’s terribly unfair how your friends are treating you. I thought that Marvin might know what to do. He always seems to.”

“Luna,” Y/N murmured, not expecting the way that her eyes began to swim with tears. “You...you really think so? I’ve been feeling so awful about what I’ve done…”

If she seemed taken aback by Y/N’s emotional outburst, she didn’t show it in the slightest. “Y/N, you just care about other people. And you know what it’s like to be lonely, so I understand why you didn’t want to leave someone alone when they felt that way, even if it was Malfoy.”

Y/N bit her lip to keep the tears from spilling over.

“My mother had this saying about kindness,” said Luna softly. “She told me that it’s easy to be kind to people you already love. But you can really tell how caring someone is by how they treat those who are different.”

Marvin made a sound that was eerily similar to a jackhammer in the background.

“Thank you,” managed Y/N, letting the girl pull her into a hug. “I...I can’t say that enough. I really needed to hear that.”

“I know,” Luna replied wistfully. “I’m sure your friends will come around, too.”

“I sure hope so.” She swallowed, giving her a small smile as Luna squeezed her hand. 

“Marvin is such a funny bird.” Luna shifted onto her feet, creeping towards the painting. “He loves shiny things. Now that I know the spell that weakens the barrier between the natural and painted world, I like to give him things sometimes. If he likes it enough, he’ll fly off to his flock to gloat to his murder for the rest of the day. He’s so proud.”

Something clicked in Y/N’s head. Was this her answer as to how to distract Marvin?

“It’s Transcendere, if you were wondering,” continued Luna, making to walk away. “Just in case you wanted to know. I can’t imagine why you’d need to, though. Anyways, I’m off to meet with Snape over a few questions on the exam. I don’t imagine he’ll be around here for the next hour!”

Before she could even thank her, Luna was already gone and down the hall. Y/N felt her pockets frantically, trying to find one thing that might appeal to the raven. He looked at her expectantly.

Her only piece of jewelry was her family ring, and apart from her obvious personal ties to the object, something told her that giving Snape’s guard bird a concrete identifier as to who broke into his stores would not be wise. So that left….She reached into her pocket, taking out the glittery quill that Draco had gifted her last fall. Giving it one last look and closing her fist around the feather one last time, she thought about how much she wished to go back to the simpler time.

Marvin made a little chirp, snapping her out of her reverie. 

“Transcendere.”

The quill poked through the canvas and into the scene, slowly changing so it fit the art style that the painter used to bring the raven to life. He wasted no time snatching it out of her grip, giving an appreciative gargle before he took off, flying away into the grey sky.

She was in. A quick Alohomora charm opened the door, and Y/N made quick work of deactivating the jinxes that guarded the entrance and was happy to see that he hadn’t changed anything else with his security measures. Finding the potion was easy, and before she knew it, she had reset all the security charms, shut the door, and made her way all the way up to the Gryffindor tower with the vial tucked firmly in her pocket. 

~

Getting Draco alone was the hardest part of her plan. Every time she saw him, he was either surrounded by a gaggle of Slytherins or darting off down side corridors that she could never quite locate. Carrying around the vial of stolen potion was getting increasingly stressful, too, especially now that their DADA class with Snape was coming up. He had to have noticed that his stores were broken into at that point, but given that he hadn’t stopped a meal yet to berate the student body on the importance of integrity and “keeping one’s grabby hands to themselves”, Y/N assumed she was somewhat in the clear. On the bright side, Y/N was enjoying mealtime much more now that she was eating with Luna. Her new friend even convinced her to go to the library with her one night to study--something that Y/N was not too familiar with. 

They’d left right before the library closed, going their separate ways. Something crossed Y/N’s mind as she realized what day it was--Saturday. Draco always worked on the cabinet on Saturdays, and of course he wasn’t going to bring his friends along with him. 

Quietly, she sank down next to the stone wall at the entrance, waiting for Draco to exit. She waited, and waited, and waited. Y/N was just beginning to wonder if Draco had switched his schedule around when the telltale sound of stone bricks scraping against each other snapped her to attention.

Draco looked more frazzled than usual as he stepped out of the newly-constructed entrance, his hands shakily running through his hair and his tie out of place. Y/N felt a sudden pang of guilt at the thought that she was going to add even more stress to his night.

“Draco,” she said, standing up and teetering at the sudden motion.

He started at the sight of her before setting his jaw and turning to continue a walk down in the opposite direction. 

“Please,” breathed Y/N, jumping forward to latch onto his wrist. “I need to talk to you.”

He immediately snatched his hand away, his scowl deeping in his features. “I don’t have time for this,” he said, though sheer exhaustion seemed to replace the usual venom in his voice. “If you’re here to apologize, I don’t want to hear it.”

“But--”

“I don’t have time,” he repeated once again, desperation seeping into the edges of his tone. “I don’t have the time to figure out whether or not I can trust you again.”

“Then let me make it easier.” Y/N reached into her pocket, producing the potion vial that had miraculously not been shattered after she’d carried it for so long. Draco arched an eyebrow. “Run a diagnostic spell on it. I want you to know that I’m being completely honest.”

“Y/L/N, I told you, I don’t want--”

“Please, Draco,” she pleaded, holding it out to him. “Just do it for me. If you do it, we’ll be even for what happened in Myrtle’s bathroom. I’ll leave you alone if you tell me to.”

He sucked in a breath, begrudgingly casting the spell. The vial glowed and cast a bright emerald light on his surprised features. “How did you get that?”

“It doesn’t matter,” rushed Y/N. “Just ask me anything. I’ll take it if you want.”

He looked like he was about to leave her in the corridor alone, so she did the only thing she could think of--uncorking the vial and downing it all in one go. It went down like water, hardly feeling like anything. She was surprised. Wasn’t it supposed to feel more compelling?

“Y/N, you are such an idiot sometimes,” he growled, but he turned back to her anyway. “Okay. Fine. Did Granger put you up to talking to me?”

“No. Harry did,” answered Y/N, the words coming spilling out of her mouth without her even thinking. Draco’s briefly softened expression immediately hardened. 

“I suppose that answers it then,” he snapped. “I’m not sure what that was supposed to accomplish.”

“Ask me something else!” cried Y/N. “Something you don’t already know the answer to.”

His silence was evidence enough that she was maybe, potentially, possibly getting to him. Something twanged in the pits of her stomach, reminding her of the time that she’d eaten bad fish in Greece and was sick for days, but she cast the thought aside for just a moment as he finally responded.

“This is ridiculous,” he clipped. She waited, turning the empty vial over in her hands. Finally, after a few agonizing moments of silence, his voice sounded again. “Why are your friends mad at you?”

Just as she was about to tell him, the tell-tale sound of footsteps and a cat’s meow echoed down the corridor. Filch. Panic-stricked, Y/N launched herself in the direction of the Room before a hand closed over her forearm and pulled her back.

“That’ll take too long,” Draco whispered, so close to her that she could feel his breath on her neck and had to try not to shudder. Without waiting for her response, he yanked her into the broom closet across the corridor and softly shut the door. 

It became fairly apparent that the broom closet was perhaps not the best hiding space for two adults, a fact that Y/N quickly noticed as she realized that the only place she could comfortably place her hands was lightly on top of Draco’s chest. His own hands pressed into the wall on either side of her head as he used it to push himself as far away from her as possible. When her eyes flickered up, she could see in the dim light that he’d shut his eyes. She couldn’t blame him--when she ran the plan through in her head, it rarely ever included getting stuck in a tiny broom closet together, and it never crossed her mind that it could happen before he’d even forgiven her. 

“I heard something too, my pretty.” Filch’s voice floated down the corridor as he neared them. She sucked in her breath, intent to hold it. She wished that she could cast a Silencio on the broom closet, but there was no way to be able to do that in such close range. Plus, she was quite preoccupied with the churning in her stomach that was getting significantly worse. 

Filch’s steps were getting louder as he called out, “Anyone there?”

“Yes,” Y/N let as a tortured, strangled whine. Realization flickered across Draco’s face as his hand shot out to clamp over her lips. She tried not to focus on how warm and nice his skin felt touching her and instead on the fact that Filch was still walking.

The footsteps finally paused outside of the broom closet. Y/N could feel Draco’s heart racing under her palm. She vaguely registered that her hands had long since curled into fists, clinging onto his shirt. 

“Anyone in here?”

“Mmph,” responded Y/N, hardly able to enunciate anything over the death grip Draco had on her face. This only made the lurching in her middle worse, so bad that she felt like she had bile rising in her throat.

“My lovely? What’s that?” A cat’s meow rang out from across the corridor. “Over by the Charms classroom?” Another meow. The sound of quick shuffling would’ve come to Y/N as a relief if she didn’t feel like she was about to puke the entire contents of her stomach up on Draco Malfoy’s hand.

“Thank Merlin.” Draco exhaled. Y/N could feel his shoulders relax under the grip she had on his shirt and took note of the fact that he smelled very strongly of that stupid rich scent in her Amortentia, something that was somewhat difficult when the cramping in her stomach had gotten so bad that she could hardly stand up straight.

Then he let his hand drop.

“They’re mad at me because I didn’t tell them about you.” The words came spilling out so fast and without prompt that Y/N felt like she was out of body, watching someone else speak for her. “I couldn’t ever bring myself to hurt you like that because even though you’ve been mean to me and my friends and I technically have no reason to want to protect you, I still do and it’s just so complicated because I thought I was just being a good person or whatever but honestly now that I think about it f it came down to it I would choose you over anyone else here and that’s scary and ohmygodIcan’tstop--” Y/N managed to suck in a small breath as the magic in her system propelled her forward, barely catching the widened eyes of Draco, “--It’s been so hard being away from you and I understand why you’re angry at me and I’m such a hypocrite for being upset that you were a Death Eater when I didn’t tell you why I started talking to you in the first place but I couldn’t just confess to you when I finally had a reason to spend time with you and I didn’t want to fuck it all up but I did and Draco please help I can’t stop I want to so badly you were never supposed to know all of this I thought that it would just make me tell the truth not everything--”

“I know,” His hand came up one more time, covering her mouth and muffling her voice. Without being able to move her lips, the words died down once again while the waves of nausea and agony hit in their place. Draco’s face had once again adopted that unreadable, somewhat sad expression as he moved his free hand so he could thumb away the tears that were collecting on her cheeks. Her fingers twisted into the soft fabric of his button down as she choked back a sob against his hand. “I know. That was really fucking stupid, even for you. You do know you’re not supposed to take more than an ounce of Veritaserum, right? This is going to take forever to get through your system. You just have to let it run its course. I’m sorry.” The potion was closing in around her throat as she blinked up at him through tear-ridden lashes. “I hear Filch escorting a student to McGonagall. This is our chance to get out.”

Y/N nodded as best as she could without loosening his hold on her, and they were creeping out of the broom closet and slowly making their way down the hall as silently as possible. He was to her right, his left arm slung around her shoulder so he could keep her quiet without sacrificing too much of his balance. He pulled her away from the direction of the Gryffindor dorms.

“Not happening,” he whispered, his lips almost brushing past her ear. He was so close. She shivered. “Filch went that way. Plus, I need to keep an eye on you until you’re back to normal.”

She nodded again. By some miracle, they made it to the Slytherin dorms without much of a hiccup beyond the awkward shuffle down the stairs. “Purity,” muttered Draco, prompting the cobblestones to rearrange themselves into a door. “Oh, don’t roll your eyes at me.”

Y/N scoffed behind his hand. The Slytherin common room was, thankfully, entirely empty, but very eerie and cold. She tried to open her mouth to tell him that he’d obviously drawn the short straw when it came to lodging, but when she felt his palm tighten over her lips, she was reminded that that wasn’t an option. 

“Here we are,” murmured Draco, his voice still low and careful as he led her to the end of the hall of the boys’ dormitories. Something other than the effects of the Veritaserum she consumed set off the butterflies inside of her once again when she thought about the fact that she was really going to see Draco’s dorm room. His door, black and heavy, was completely unblemished apart from the silver numbers of his room. 

Before she could think any further, he turned the knob and spun her so he was looking right down at her. “The less you talk, the longer it’s going to take for you to be normal again. Try not to be too loud, though. I wanted to sleep tonight.” With that, he released her once again.

“You have really nice hands,” she blurted out, immediately clapping her own palm over her mouth again.

“Oh.” An uncharacteristic blush rose in his cheeks. 

Squeezing her eyes shut and steeling herself for whatever was about to come out of her mouth next, she let her hand fall. “I--I actually think I can control some of what I say now.” She took one more breath in to check. “Yeah. Thank god. It’s not just...coming out of me anymore.”

“I’m not too surprised,” he said. “You were on quite a roll back there in the broom closet.”

“So, um…” She shuffled her feet. “Are we good now, do you think?”

Draco sighed. “I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone willingly down two state terrorist interrogation sessions worth of Veritaserum just to apologize to me. So, yeah, I guess. I think you should probably try and get some sleep. Chances are it’ll wear off some by tomorrow morning.” With that, he rested his hands on her shoulders and steered her towards his bed.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” she asked, sinking down onto his black silk bedding and meeting his eyes.

He shrugged. “How are you feeling? Do you need anything before you sleep?”

“I’d really like it if you held me until I fell asleep,” Y/N said so quickly that she didn’t even have a chance to look away from him. He blanched, his eyebrows raising but his lip quirking up. 

“Wow. I wasn’t expecting that. I thought you were going to ask for water or something.”

“Draco, please don’t be mean,” she mumbled. “I didn’t mean to say it. It just came out. I would like some water, though.”

“Your wish is my command,” he drawled, disappearing into his bathroom before coming out with an empty glass that he cast a quick Aquamenti into. “Go slow. I really don’t want you coughing up water on my sheets.”

“Me neither,” she said between sips. “Merlin knows I’ve embarrassed myself enough already.”

When she finished, she handed it out to him. “Thank you. I really appreciate you doing this. I mean it.”

He snorted on his way to put the glass away. “Of course you do. That’s the beauty of Veritaserum.”

“You’re actually funny sometimes, you know,” she said. 

Draco smirked at her again. “Veritaserum. You’re doing wonders for my ego tonight.”

While he was doing whatever he was before getting into bed, Y/N went ahead and slipped under the sheets, rolling over onto her back so she was closest to the wall. She felt the bed slightly dip to her left and a throat clear.

“What is it now?” muttered Y/N. 

“You know, it’s really hard for me to do what you asked when you’re on your back like that,” he said.

“What?”

“Like, do you want me to be on top of you or something?”

“What are you even talking about?”

Draco huffed and reached his hands out to grab her shoulders once again, turning her to face him. Before she could register what was happening, she felt his own hands come around under her arms to rest on her back. Her head lay on the swath of skin between his shoulder and his collarbone, and she could feel the quickening of his pulse. “There. Honestly.”

“This is really nice,” Y/N blurted out, physically cringing when she realized that in her position she couldn’t easily cover her mouth. 

“Yeah?” She could feel the laugh rattle through his diaphragm.

“Yes.” Y/N huffed. “Stop asking me questions. This isn’t very kind of you.”

He let out another light laugh, his fingers moving to thread through her hair. “Is this okay?”

“Are you kidding? I’ve wanted--” Y/N buried her face into his shoulder, silencing the words that were about to come out of her mouth. “Oh, my god,” she said after she resurfaced. “I think I want to take a vow of silence after this is over.”

Y/N could hear his smile as he offered her a, “What a load of good that thought is doing you now.”

“Please, just knock me unconscious until it all goes away,” she groaned. 

“Stop demeaning my work,” he said, mock offense creeping into his tone as he continued to card his fingers through her hair in soothing motions. “What do you think I’m trying to do? If you want me to give you blunt force head trauma, then just say so. Sheesh.”

She sighed dramatically. “At this point, maybe.”

“Seriously, though, are you feeling okay? That was a lot of Veritaserum,” he murmured. 

“I’m just feeling mortified right now,” she answered. 

“You still need to tell me where you got it.”

“Oh. I stole it. From Snape.”

All at once, Draco dropped his hands and pulled slightly away so he could gape down at her. “You did what now?”

“Yeah,” she said, confusion creeping into her tone. “It really wasn’t that hard, you know. I’ve done it before.”

“When?”

She felt another lurching sensation. All of the questioning was starting to make her stomach turn again. “I was a second-year. Harry had to brew Polyjuice Potion and he needed an ingredient we couldn’t find anywhere else.”

Draco let out a low whistle. “At twelve?”

“Eleven. My birthday hadn’t come around yet.” 

“That’s…” He’d shifted so she wasn’t pressed up to him, catching his lip between his teeth as he thought. Y/N hadn’t made much notice of this development as the growing pain in her midsection grew. “That’s quite a lot for a kid.” The way his hair glowed in the soft moonlight made her heart twinge. It looked so soft. Y/N noticed that she’d been staring at him for far too long without saying something when he blinked, planning on opening her mouth to apologize or crack a joke when instead:

“I have the biggest crush on you.” The words left her lips without any prior consent, the consonants and vowels forming before she could even think.

He was completely frozen in place, his expression entirely unreadable.

 “Oh, god, and now I’ve ruined it all because I know you said that I didn’t have a chance that one time in detention and you don’t see me like that and I’m pretty sure you’re with Pansy and even if you weren’t I’m not enough for you and I wish I hadn’t taken this stupid potion but I know that I’d do it a hundred times over if it meant that you would trust me--”

Her words stopped abruptly as Draco silenced her--not with his hand, but by placing his lips on hers. The kiss was brief and shy, more of a question in nature than a statement. Her fingers curled around the collar of his shirt as he pulled away, a rather frazzled and deer-in-the-headlights look etched into his features. 

She was speechless. Absolutely, completely, irrevocably speechless. Despite the insistent gnawing of the Veritaserum at the lining of her stomach, she could only manage to blink owlishly up at him, mouth agape.

“Are you okay?” His voice was low. 

“Ehm…” Her lips refused to move. Draco frowned, dropping his hands from her sides and sitting up straighter. Something impartial washed over his features, turning his expression from hurt to uninterested, like he’d woken up from a pleasant nap and was snapped back to reality. His legs pulled away so no part of her body was touching him.

“I--er, didn’t mean it like that,” he said. “I just wanted to make you quiet again, y’know, before you said anything else you regretted. And I thought that...kissing you would shock your system enough to make you stop talking.”

Her cheeks turned a violent red as she realized the depth of his statement. “So you...don’t see me like that?” 

“No.” He ran his fingers through his hair once, took in a deep breath, and dropped his gaze to the comforter. “You should go to sleep. Hopefully you’ll feel better in the morning.”

At the very least the potion was beginning to settle in her stomach as Draco’s breathing turned slow over the next hour or so. She didn’t know all too much about the mechanics of Veritaserum, but at this point, she had almost nothing left to confess anyways. 

Y/N tore her eyes away from his sleeping form, turning around to face the wall. His bed was soft. And it smelled like him, like the perfect blend of black tea and sage and snobbery that was in her Amortentia. She squeezed her eyes shut and wished to be anywhere but there. When he kissed her, it felt like he wanted her. Yes, of course he was timid, but she’d thought he was just nervous. But what was there for him to be nervous about? She’d already confessed under literal truth serum. He knew how she felt, and he didn’t even say sorry for kissing her and telling her he didn’t mean it like that. He still didn’t want her. Of course he didn’t when Pansy Parkinson in all her obnoxious Slytherin perfection was right fucking there. 

She was just beginning to feel sleep tug on the strings of her consciousness as she felt her hair get tucked behind her ear by a warm hand coming around from behind. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have done that. It’s better this way, you’ll see. It wouldn’t be fair if I...if it was different.” Despite his words, he let his fingers brush over his jaw as he moved closer, his shoulder lightly pressing into her back.

At that moment, there were so many things that Y/N wanted to say, ranging from “I am never going to live this moment down because I’m positively lovesick over you” to “I am going to beat you up for kissing me and then telling me it didn’t mean anything after I confessed.” Two schools of thought, neither of them perfectly encapsulating the true essence of her feelings. Her most traitorous thoughts told her to stay still and enjoy the final moments of affection she’d get from Draco, but she’d given into impulse a little too much that night. 

He must’ve noticed that her breathing had changed because he suddenly shifted his weight onto his free arm, keeping his hand poised by her neck. 

“Please stop touching me.” The words that came out of her mouth sounded much more pathetic than they did in her head, a voice crack finding its way into the final syllables. He jolted away.

“I thought you were asleep.”

“Well, I’m not.”

“I thought…” He swallowed. “I thought you liked it when I touched you.”

“Yeah, before you told me you didn’t feel the same way,” she mumbled. “I really would appreciate it if you didn’t make me rehash that again. Today has been humiliating enough. I’m not looking to set a record or something here.”

She’d thought that her quip was pretty good, but Draco remained completely humorless. “I’m sorry. That was wrong of me. It was stupid of me to act on impulse like that. I never meant to hurt you.”

“Never meant to--” She stopped in her tracks, instead letting out a sharp huff. “Nevermind. I don’t want a fight right now. I just want to sleep.”

Much to Y/N’s horror, her throat began to tighten up again with the tell-tale coming of tears. The next breath she exhaled was embarrassingly shaky and loud, and the movement that it sparked in Draco was even more mortifying. He made a small sound of sympathy. “C’mere, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I know that must’ve hurt you.”

Undecided between feeling pissed and just wanting to forgive him, she slowly sat up and faced him. His arms were out in a motion of invitation, an unreadable expression in his eyes. 

“You’re the prettiest person I’ve ever seen.” The Veritaserum in her system didn’t care much about her emotional turmoil, much to her horror. Y/N began to turn away, a watery scowl fixed firmly on her face, but Draco’s hand on her shoulder stopped her. 

“If I...wanted to be with you,” he began, his tone careful and clipped, “It would never work. Okay? Trust me when I say it has nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong.”

“I kind of did.”

“Yeah, well, we both did. But I don’t want you to think that I, er, never thought about it.”

“Oh.” She wasn’t quite sure what the underlying meaning of that was. 

“So... “ He motioned again with open arms. “Do you...want to? I’ll play with your hair again until you fall asleep.”

Y/N stared at him, completely astonished. “Why? If you don’t see me like that, then why?”

“I’m not going to sleep tonight anyways,” he said softly. “And I want to help you feel better.”

She opened her mouth with the hopes of a biting retort coming out, but instead she was met with silence. Against her better judgement, she set her clenched her jaw and gave in. 

His arms were wrapped around her in an instant as she tentatively settled back into his chest, her hands lightly rested on his shoulders. Despite the humiliating previous events, it didn’t feel awkward, especially when Draco’s long fingers slowly threaded through her locks and brushed past her neck. A small, forbidden sigh of contentment left her lips when he let his touch linger over the back of her neck. His deep, slow breathing and the steady beat of his heart began to lull her to sleep. 

The next morning, she was able to lie convincingly enough to Draco, telling him her name wasn’t Y/N Y/L/N and that she was 80 years old. Confident that she wasn’t about to spill all of his secrets to the student body, he told her she was free to go. 

“Draco?” she asked poised by his door.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think I’ll see you much after this? You know, now that we aren’t Potions partners and don’t have detention together anymore?”

He sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe when this is all over, I’ll see you around at pureblood functions or whatever.”

“Yeah.” Y/N tried not to think about the implications of pureblood functions still existing in the future after this. What kind of world did Draco think this would turn into? “But this is probably it, right? The last time I’ll see you like this?”

She didn’t even need to see his nod. She knew. That’s why he offered to play with her hair despite not even liking her--it was his way of apologizing for roping her into this, for tricking her, for shutting her out, for the Sectumsempra curse...for everything. His way of apologizing before they parted ways. 

final a/n: ty for reading! first off, congrats to the anons that guessed veritaserum. that shit took me forever to write bc i had such high expectations but it turned out to be quite the challenging scene since i still had to juggle draco’s conflicting emotions/distrust and the fact that i really wanted him to make her feel better fjdkas; i thought i’d mention someone who helped me write this (even tho i don’t think they realized how much they helped lmao)L i’d like to thank my 🌟 anon for giving me some inspiration. i was struggling with the first half of this story in terms of pacing for quite some time but found some help in an ask they sent me mentioning how they related to y/n feeling lonely/would like to see luna and neville mentioned. unfortunately, i haven’t quite been able to fit neville in yet (and i’m not sure if i can without it seeming just like a random extra bit of story that isn’t helpful to the plot), but hearing some affirmation that y/n’s loneliness was something that actually resonated w them really helped. it made me realize that the isolation from her friends/draco didn’t have to just be a logical turn of events for the plot to proceed in a sensical way and instead could be used to explore y/n’s character. i hope you all enjoyed! i promise the stuff w her dad and the order will be cleared up next chapter

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough