#*started to work on recently. ive been sitting on it half-started for years lmao

[n7punk]

btw, writing update since it's been... awhile, since i posted something. im working on three fanfics concurrently. im trying to be, like... chiller about it, so i don't get burnt out since i could feel myself feathering against it. im drifting between the three as they call to me and usually writing a few hundred words a day. im still developing the plot for two of them, too, so it's kind of slow going. i would say it's probably going to be a week from now before i would even think about posting something, or for all i know it's going to be another two weeks lol.

ive removed the unhinged era from my blog title because i want to preserve the Sanctity™️ of it now im cooling off (even if one of these fics is... insane). all these AUs are planned to be on the shorter side (more like Hurricane Adora) but because of the way im meandering between them i havent made significant enough progress to start posting on any of them lol. i have one (MMaM) that i got three chapters into and then hit a roadblock, which is the furthest ive gotten in any of them so far

[vampiremourning]

okay so some of you may be aware but recently i discovered a fun trick ts4 pulled on me, which was deleting like. half the fucking doors from san myshuno apartments. theres no way to get them back aside from starting a whole new save file, which ive slowly been in the process of doing. but instead of just shoving my ocs & their lis/friends into Places ive been trying to put some thought into where they might actually reside & more or less do what i can to replicate a basic idea of that. this is a very long way of saying that i keep getting stuck on nines' haven lmao. on one hand i feel like its a pretty comfy space, at least his 'main' one would be? (hc of mine that most kindred who have been in an area for a while usually have a could rooms scattered around for convenience if they have the means to do it & i feel like he probably would? theyre not nice places or anything just like. convenient if he needs a place to duck into for the day). but on the other hand,,, man idk lmao. it could be more utilitarian but thats not really where im leaning for some reason. its probably like,, comfortable in the way homes that look like theyre stuck several decades in the past are. very lived in. neutral palette but not in a Bland way, probably a lot of browns & desaturated blues. he seems like someone who probably owns a quilt fdghg. idk how to describe it because its Not grandmacore or like. pottery barn catalogue even if thats the general vibe of whats in my head?? i just feel like hes a pretty private person so it makes sense that the haven would be a place where that could be dropped & recharged.

kat definitely has a place for herself even if she doesnt actually spend a ton of time there. i think she would treat it more like a workspace?? like the whole dining area would just be her Office, extremely organized to the point its mildly intimidating. she would absolutely go on a hunt for a place with a view even if its impractical, ideally she would be able to see the ocean but i have no idea how realistic that would be in LA even 20 years ago (i have never been & my frame of reference for cities is Toronto lmfao if that gives you any idea of how i mentally work this out). its not quite as comfortable to be in, i think she probably keeps the space too curated for that. i feel like she probably leans towards a midcentury modern style with darker colours, but the shelves are just. filled with Stuff. she keeps her non-expensive jewellery out for quick access and has some like. kitschy touristy stuff from greece here and there if you look around. there is a throw blanket on her couch but its the weird furry kind that you dont actually use?

she likes living at his place better though lmao by a long shot. like its not really a place 'work' happens the way it does at her haven, you can actually Sit there and feel relaxed. i also dont think she would do the 'decorative takeover' even if her personal style doesnt align with his furniture? like she might do shit like get new curtains if they do a better job at sealing out the sunlight or something, but otherwise the most she does to change things is make space for some clothing and personal belongings. he also has some clothes at her place but its more like things that were Left instead of brought over on purpose, its not that he dislikes it exactly bc it looks nice, but i also think he feels like it gives off the same energy as 'the room you're not supposed to sit in' in your grandmas house lmfao. (makes sense that its so clean tho,,, shes hardly every fucking There these days ghgj)

i will probably end up doing Both of these buildings bc im sure theres some sort of character analysis here but im too tired to get more into it lol

[purplesurveys]

631

General Randomness What's the weather like right now? It’s very bright and sunny out, but January is typically one of the colder days of the year so I’m not feeling uncomfortable right now. It’s the perfectly chilly temperature I would have liked to have all year long. What are you currently sitting on? I am sitting on a chair at our dining table, which is usually where I take surveys. How many times have you brushed your teeth today? Just once.

When did you get up? I’ve been up since 8, but didn’t get out of bed until 10.

Have you been in a vehicle for more than 45 minutes today? I haven’t been in a car at all today cos I’ve only stayed home. Angela invited me to go out for some drinks but I didn’t feel like drinking or being out today, so I’ve been home the whole time.

Where is your best friend? I think Angela is at home but I’m sure she’s getting ready to go out for the aforementioned ^ drinking. I’m not sure where Gab is. How many days until Christmas? Oh wow, barely missed it, chief. There are 355ish days left, I’m guessing? Have you kissed someone today? Nope. Is your mom over 50? No, and she still has a year to go. How old were you 7 years ago? I was technically 14, but was about to turn 15 in a few months. Do you know what 'C'est la vie' means? Yep. In Gen Z lingo, it essentially means, ‘it be like that sometimes’ lmao. Do you usually take showers or baths? Showers, because we don’t have bathtubs and also because I find it much more efficient anyway. I only take baths when I’m out of town, in a fancy hotel, and want to pamper myself with bubbles and fancy body wash. What kind of bottoms are you wearing right now? I’m wearing shorts just meant for the home.

Are you wearing anything red? Yes, the pair of shorts I just talked about. What was the name of your first pet? I didn’t keep track of my first goldfish’s name but a good guess would be Goldie. I wasn’t a very creative kid, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that turned out to be right. Do you live in an apartment? Nope. I’ve been living with my parents under their roof. What color is the floor in the room you're in? Cream-ish. What was the most irritating thing to happen to you today? My thesis professor being a headache to talk to. I am genuinely baffled at how she was able to secure a very high position in my university’s administration, considering how erratic she can get. How do you feel about your most recent ex? She’s great. Do you wish at 11:11? No. Do you wish on shooting stars? I would, if they often visited on this side of the world. But they don’t, so. Do you wish on dandelions? No. There aren’t a lot where I live. Are you drinking anything right now? Mmm no, not at the moment. I finished my coffee a little while ago and while I want to make a second cup to keep myself awake, I have an early morning tomorrow so I’d want to sleep early tonight. It’s back to work for me, ugh. About how tall is your father? Not too tall. He’s like, 5′5 or 5′6.  How old is your oldest living grandparent? I only know the age of one grandparent, and that’s my 73 year old maternal grandmother. I don’t get to see my paternal grandparents a lot cos they live quite far, so with that comes my insufficient knowledge about them.  Do you know anyone who has lived to be 100+? Gab’s great-grandmother, but she passed away last November. Have you had your birthday yet this year? Nope. There’s been a mere three days into the year, so very few people would already have had their birthdays hahaha. Do you read your horoscope on a regular basis? No. You do you, but I was never a fan. It’s also a pet peeve when people use their star sign as excuses for their shitty behavior. “Sorry I acted up, I’m a Scorpio,” “I hate everybody because I’m an Aquarius,” “I ghosted them because I’m a Cancer” no it’s because you’re a bitch, Karen. Do you like the color yellow? I hate it a bit less than green (my least favorite color) only because I love the song Yellow by Coldplay and because mustard yellow isn’t that bad of a color. Are you an aunt or uncle? If my friends start having kids soon, then I’ll be an aunt. Why is your best friend your best friend? They both understand my weirdness and all my quirks and never made me feel like I was being judged. What is your hair like at the moment? Tbh it matches my top pretty well so as frizzy as my hair is at the moment, it still looks good with the tank top I have on lolol. How many times have you donated blood this year? Zero. I’m scared of needles, and even if I get over that phobia I wouldn’t be able to donate anyway because I’m underweight. Are you wearing any jewelry? No, not right now. Are you a video-gamer? I wouldn’t call myself that. I play GTA just to be a law-abiding citizen and not actually do the missions lol, I get tired of playing The Sims after ten minutes, and I only play a handful of Nintendo games. Who got married at the last wedding you went to? My mom’s brother and his then-fiancee, now one of my favorite aunts except for the facts that she’s a hardcore Duterte supporter and Marcos apologist. Do you like Chinese food? Yep, it’s one of my favorite cuisines. How far is the nearest Walmart? I can’t walk nor drive to it, that’s for sure. Have you ever been a designated driver? I’m always DD by default because I’m the only one among my friends who has a car other than JM, who also has a (much bigger) car but is terribly low-tolerance and will absolutely pass out. I get tipsy easily as well, but I sober up real quick and always make sure I’m 100% back to reality by the time I drive. Which means that I typically have to stop drinking earlier than the rest of my friends, but so long as that means I get to take everyone back home safe, it’s okay with me. What is something that always brings tears to your eyes? My mom yelling at me. Who is your 20th phone contact? My contacts aren’t numbered thus I’m too lazy to count manually. Do you have any plans to get a tattoo? It’s not completely off the table, but I’ve definitely toned down my original plans of getting tattoo sleeves and getting myself generally covered a la CM Punk (and I have to tell ya, I’m so glad I grew out of that phase). These days I prefer to have small tattoos to memorialize significant people or events, and some of my plans include my dog’s pawprint and a plate of nachos. Or a new piercing? Probably not. What would your name be if your last name was the color of your shirt? Brown. If you could find out how you would die, would you want to know? Yes. I hate the unknown and would rather be certain, no matter how ugly or nasty the certainty holds. Do you make your bed regularly? Every morning. Do you look forward to the weekend? NO. I have a 2-day meeting for my 2-day weekend. I am so dreading it. I just want to stay a lazy couch blob for another week. How much do you know about the mechanics of cars? I know how to turn a car on, go forward, reverse, brake, and open my gas tank... and that’s about it. Has anyone ever told you you should be a model? Model and beauty queen, yeah. How old was your mom when she had you? She was 26, but was turning 27 that year. Do rainy days get you down? No. I thrive on rainy days lmao. Who is the artist/band you're listening to at the moment? No music keeping me company at the moment. Do you ever take aspirin when you 'feel a headache coming on'? Not aspirin but I take a Biogesic. I dunno if those two or the same thing or not. Is there a calendar in the room you're in? Nope. Do you prefer to be in a relationship or be single? I’ve been seeing a person for technically six years, so now I prefer a relationship after being accustomed to having one for so long. If you're single, do you wish you were in a relationship? Have you ever had your heart broken? Sure. Do you live within an hour of the beach? No. I’m very far away from the beach :( How do you like your steak? Rare or medium-rare. Were you born in the 1980s? I was not. A Few Firsts What was the first sound you heard when you woke up? I woke up to the sound of my mom calling me on my phone. I was half-asleep and didn’t feel like answering, so I muted it and went back to sleep. I feel guilty now that I remember, but she didn’t call back or text me so it probably wasn’t a big deal. Who was your first best friend? It was a girl named Kaye from kinder. We were good friends for like two years, and then we got sorted to different sections in Prep and drifted apart after that. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? I’ve said her name so many times on these surveys already. Y’all know. Who was your first date to a formal dance? I haaaateeeeed the idea of asking guys out and being in a relationship for most of high school, so I made sure I only asked my cousin for my prom. How bad was your first break up? Pretty messed up. There was a lot of tension and resentment and confusion in the beginning. Throw in my grandfather’s sudden death and me taking the UPCAT, and you have my mental health completely rattled! What was your first favorite movie? High School Musical, for sure. How old were you when you had your first kiss? 16. What was your first trip to the emergency room for? My platelet count was really low, I was in danger of getting dengue, and had to stay the night at the hospital. Then there was sticking the IV onto my wrist, upon which I made a complete scene in the emergency room and thrashed and kicked around while my (very frail) grandma (sorry, Lola) tried to hold me down with a lot of patients watching lol. Where was the first place you went today? The kitchen. Who was the first person you saw? My sister, I think. What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up? I wondered why my mom called, realized I was too sleepy to care, and went back to bed. Do you remember the first time you spent the night away from home? Yupppp. I was in third grade, my club had an overnight camping thingy as its culmination activity, and it was the first time ever that I was allowed to spend the night somewhere else. I remember being around a campfire, roasting marshmallows for the first time, having to share a sleeping mat with Katreen, and her kicking me in her sleep.

Where was your first big vacation to? Boracay. What was your first job? None yet. I’ll make sure to update you by the end of the year. What was the first thing you had to drink today? Coffee.

Some Lasts Where was the location of your last kiss? My girlfriend’s car, when she dropped me back at my place. How old was the last person you kissed? 21. What was the last movie you rented? I’ve never experienced renting a movie, which definitely confirms my status as a Gen Z kid lmao. But I can tell you that the last movie I watched was Knives Out. Where was the last place you went? Other than around my house, we went to church last Tuesday night for New Year’s Eve mass. What was the last restaurant you went to? Yabu. Who was the last person to call you? My mom, this morning. Who was the last non-relative you spoke in person to? Gabie. What was the last thing you bought? I got dinner from Yabu, haha. When was the last time you drove more than an hour somewhere? December 14th. That evening was INSANE. It was Saturday + Christmas traffic, and it took me two hours to travel from Antipolo to Rita’s place in Makati. JM and I drove separately cos we were a big group - his drive took FOUR hours. Why did you last get angry? My thesis prof was doing us so fucking dirty and I couldn’t do anything about it. What color was the last vehicle you rode in? Blue-green. How long ago was your last birthday? NIne months. When did it last rain? It drizzled a little bit yesterday. What was the age difference between you and your most recent ex? A month and a half. When was the last time you used a dictionary? Maybe an hour ago for a word I used in a past survey lol. Mini iPod Shuffle: Don't Cheat, Use Whatever Song Comes Up, No Matter How Ridiculous (I have several playlists, so I’ll just use the Spotify-curated playlist made for Gab’s account called Your Top Songs 2019 hahahaha) My love song: Love song - Lana Del Rey (Wow.) My fight song: Swim Against the Tide - The Japanese House My break-up song: New Light - John Mayer The song for when I'm sad: Money - Leikeli47 The song for when I'm angry: Constant Conversations - Passion Pit My song to have sex to: Bad Girls - Tennis The song about my ex: Just the Same But Brand New - St. Vincent The song about my best friend: Juice - LIZZO The song about my crush: Seventeen - no rome My 'feel good' song: Venice Bitch - Lana Del Rey The theme song of my life: Formation - Beyoncé I literally know four of these songs, which I’ve since bolded just so y’all know that I have no idea what the other seven songs are and if they make sense with the situations at hand. Gab clearly uses her account more than I do, which should be the case anyway lmfaoooooo.

[miafeystits]

🗣️and 📄 for the wip ask game!!

thank u for the ask!! apologies in advance for writing So Much i'm physically incapable of shutting up about my own fic

🗣️Talk about your favourite WIP: it's genuinely hard to pick one, but atm the post 2-5 asoryuu fic i've been working on for a while is taking the top spot! it's a bit ironic since i have repeatedly called this one "the asoryuu fic from hell", but after taking a step back and getting another pair of eyes on it, i have concluded this fic is Good Actually. Extremely Good, even. it helps that i got to see my dear friend and frequent beta reader cry in the car irl as he read this one, which is the greatest compliment my writing can get tbh

(i promise this one's more bittersweet than actively tragic though lmao)

the working title for this fic is "though i must go, endure not yet" (a reference to this john donne poem which is also the inspiration for my ao3 username), and is one of your classic "what if ryuu and kazuma actually sat down and talked post 2-5" fics. despite being ryuu's pov and taking place near the end of the games, it's something of a spiritual/thematic companion to the entire history of human desire (altho for the record the two have basically no connection plot-wise and i would Not recommend reading them as a prequel/sequel pair) mostly because entire history was written as a way for me to work out some kazuma characterization issues that kept popping up in "though i must go"

i've called this one "the asoryuu fic from hell" but that's mostly because it's pushed me the most as a writer out of any fiction i've written-- it's the longest thing i've written by far (a little over 6k, which is a lot for me lmao) and ive had to do a LOT of work on pacing issues to get this fic to a place where i'm happy with it, but i think it's turned out well and has really helped me grow!!

anyway, i'm hoping to have it fully edited and out sometime this summer 🤞

📄What’s a WIP you never finished that you would like to go back and revisit? one wip that's fallen by the wayside recently is a yet-untitled kazuma character study i've been working on for a bit (at least since the beginning of this year or so if not earlier-- i started it around the same time as i did "though i must go"). it's kazuma's pov following him from his "death" in 1-2 up to and past the end of the games, trying to imagine the direction of his character past 2-5. specifically with him i'm really interested in his personal relation to death/undeath/resurrection, being alive vs being a ghost, and the idea of "coming back wrong" (and what that even means for someone who wasn't literally resurrected, and who imo has not so much changed as he has revealed a truth about himself that was always there). basically half of what i tagged as "[redacted]" is this lmao

i'm planning on working on this one again eventually, but i think i really need to finish my replay of 2-5 first so that i can get all the details of the timeline and kazuma's characterization straight! + i need to really sit down and hone what i'm trying to say with the overarching metaphors in this one i think

[alienanxrchy]

VIN! weirdest q of ur life but hows like... hrt going? so far? ive never known anyone who also is going thru it lol and also i love you (im about to start soon!)

so i ended up typing a lot. lol

GOD FUCK MY LIFE so like hrt has been the biggest fuckery of my life im about to shpill some fresh herbals

1. when i first got my T i did the typical intramuscular injections (bigassed needle in ur leg) and for the first like 4-5 shots i was able to do it myself but every time i had to do it it got harder and harder because i started panicking and eventually it got to the point where it took me like an hour or even 2 hours of sitting there, panicking, taking a break, and then going back to sitting and panicking and then finally doing my shot and being like . oh. that was fine. but you know next time i had to do it id be on that bullshit again smh!

2. during this time i met the wonderful jesse whom is my partner and they were able to do my shot for me for like the next few months (id sit there and fuckin like cry for an hour and finally let them do it and then id be like oh. that was fine) 

3. but then JESSE started t and developed my same anxiety except my anxiety about it goes as far as i couldnt even give jesse their shot lmao :( i did it once and never again lmao 

4. so then we made an appointment to talk to our provider about different administration methods and they suggested doing subcutaneous shots (TINY needle like a 3rd of the size of the IM needles and it goes in any part of ur body that has a high amount of fat so i do it in my belley pudge) which i do now and it SAVED MY LIFE 

5. moral: dont freak out if you hate/cant do shots and dont let anyone tell you you just have to “get over it” because you dont they suck for a lot of people and there are other options 

6. ass for effects of t my cycle stopped within a first month which was good (having issues with it now lol trying to figure alldet out lmao) and my voice started not really getting low but i wasnt able to reach higher pitches at first and then it actually got low and now its kind of like ? evening out a bit? its not as low as it once was but i kind of like it that way

7. my appetite fluctuates between SUPER HUNGRY and not hungry at all and i think t has made my depression/anger a little worse which sucks but im working on that too

8. im also disgustingly irregular because of the fact that i tried to force myself to do IM shots whicih just lead to me being too anxious to do it and putting it off for hours which turned into days which turned into weeks :( so right from the start i developed a bad habit of being super irregular and sometimes i get super depressed and just dont fill my prescription oops . again, if u or anyone else relates, talk to ur provider 

but anyway, im making a deal with myself to be more regular because i do enjoy a lot of the effects t was starting to have on my face/body before very recently when ive really gone off the wagon in terms of regularity

my advice would be as i said, if ur having issues with anxiety or anything else talk to ur provider, do your best to stay regular, and if ur struggling with $$$$ apparently its a lot cheaper at costco (theres not one near me so idk for sure) and also you can use GoodRx to get some money off (my t AND needles in the US without insurance but with GoodRx ends up being about $80 and lasts one person about 3 months) and lastly, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE if you can have a therapist with you along this journey i CANNOT stress you enough. if youre unsure how to find help with this stuff look and see online if there is an lgbt organization in your area that can give free/low cost therapy (if $ is a concern) or if there are any recommendations in lgbt groups on FB for therapists or anywhere else online. it complicates EVERYTHING about your identity and really fucks with your moods and emotions. not having support or therapy with me while starting hrt has really fucked me up and if i could go back and stop myself from starting T when i did and wait until i had therapy and more support i would in a heart beat. good luck and im happy you get to start this journey <3 im still figuring myself out but after a year and a half, im starting to get it all together and i hope you can too <33333

[eliavah]

Get to know meee tag

Tagged by @lilitalc:D Going to put half of it under read me due to length!

1) Rules: tag 9 people who you would like to know better: @kosmokhaos, @monotoned-enthusiasm, @taultvec, @kurasoberina *mein lahv*, @baptsim, @heathenpxssy, @aod4909, @putrulance, @chandra-nalaar, @pandelabs, @applekissims, @ebonixsims, @golyhawhaw, @pxelz and more ppl prob LOL.

Relationship status: @sabotenderamiga​

Last song I listened to: o shit i dont remember. So i just clicked next on my spotify song list and its Tinase ~ 2 On <3

Last book read: uhm. lmao orz i dont read much :( besides like articles sometimes...lol

Favorite color: Purple, blue, pink (colors of a starry night), gold, and rosegold.

Top three shows: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood, Inuyasha (i think), One Piece, and even though ti says three, Avatar the Last Airbender (its the ones ive watched recently lol, i dont watch TV much.). Oh Steven Universe too :D.

Top three characters: Garnet (SU), Olivae (FMA:B), andddd uh.... i guess Lilisette (FFXI). I have sooo many more tho T^T

Top three ships: Me + Korra, Me + Olivae, Me + Kikyo. LMAO, and many more.

2) Rules: BOLD the statements that are true for you!

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes (Hazel brown..?) I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people People tell me that I’m funny Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing well I can play an instrument I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for under a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month I enjoy writing FANDOMS ARE MY #1 PASSION I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:

I’m in a relationship I have a crush on a celebrity I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CD’s I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced (Dont be amazed it was half ass if you even wanna call it break dancing LMFAO) I know a person named Jamie I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages (not fluent) I have made a new friend in the past year

[aliceinwonderland2017centur-blog]

Pat Handy /North Eastern Library

Disclaimer--- Um this is actually not a complaint. Im pretty sure me not being able to get into my account was done purposefully maliciously and illegally. No matter how white you are you still have to follow the law someone has mistakenly told you because you hold authority you can use a platform to conspire in criminal behavior. Please dont come after me with a gun. Another thing about white people I didnt care that you existed I didnt want to get into a war of brains with you I want to be another anonymous user  but no you turned criminal got a negative reaction a verbal asswhooping that all  6 year old gets when they show their ass and yet you claim to be mad. Dont comphrend that when you  misbehave an asswhooping follows. Sadly you are more than likely in business attire in fucking stray jacket white skin believing you are somehow entitled to act recklessly and there not be consequences. Its just not true. Im sorry no sir  WAKE THE FUCK UP. Be a fucking business professional. You like a civilized proefessional annonymous world right. Imagine if I coudl track you down. and posion your food. Fuck with your phone youre internet done even know you. You do. You will not pick me out the fucking crowd  and then say I need to watch my fucking MOUTH. Something something ---Yourself. iNAPPROPRIATE. 

SO lets start with Pat Handy.

Pat Handy is a shelter for women. When I first arrived  I wasn’t entirely impressed with their intake process due to the long wait. But Neither hear nor there. Its over and done I got in. A short while later it comes to my attention that Pat Handy has policies that are not productive to homeless women or women period. Productive to human beings. Their behavior is so the last thing everyone was thinking. No matter fact no one was thinking it. Ive threatened a suit numerous of times actually written out a complaint and it will be posted  in this post. Ive actually gotten this line a few times from police as well. But there are probably atleast five policies or regulations that need fixing overnight.  Like not  putting them in place was equal to it was done purposefully. Im in a shelter for a reason. Im down on my luck. Im in a time of need. I find it perplexing that people went out their way to build a shelter but they didnt take the proper steps to have a functioning shelter. Its really not my jobs to be on twiitter and tumblr doing someone else's job to get things done. I don’t have the means the money or the time much like the SHELTER implies. Homeless. How you expect people who need help to one do your job but two get out of this TEMPORARY situation and Maintain where they lay their head without the help of the shelter is Crazy. I will admit I’m one of the luckier ones. I have money. Limited but I have money. Sadly Ive spent money just trying to maintain what I'm use to. What I would do if I were home. And protecting myself from outside things. Surprisingly enough it adds up to alot of money, which takes away from the money I need to leave.  I’ve written numerous of emails to staff and the Managers of the building but they seem unphased by what I consider unsettling situations. At the very least very unaccommodating and uncompromising for sensitive situations. I did for the time being before  recent events walk away from the suit for numerous of reasons. Among them a safety concern. People make you scratch your head when they go out of their way to cause problems. Sadly there are NUMEROUS OF unsettling things wrong with Pat Handy. But the one that has come to my attention as of recent I cant stomach. Over and Over again Pat Handy's staff has shoved their unchangeable uncompromising policy down our throats. The biggest one that has me scratching my head is that all residences have to leave the building at 7 am and return at 4 pm on weekdays and leave at 9 am on weekdays and return at 4 pm on weekends.  Its a policy I have adjusted to out of sheer necessity but there are alot of bad mornings bad days.   But Sunday is still a hard pill to swallow there is absolutely no where to go till 1 pm. Just recently I became sick. I was diagnosed with gastritis due to some bad food (MORE ON THIS LATER) Two staff members saw that I was sick  vomiting and  diaherrea. I then went to the hospital. After returning from the hospital on the 13th I asked  one of the advocates on my floor if I could  go lay down. I also showed her my ER paperwork. Suprisingly I was fought on bedrest and was told that I had to have some long DRAWN  out thing stating HOW LONG  the bedrest was suppose to be and for what reasons. Obviously I'm not feeling well so I didnt plan to be sick I don't  know to ask the doctor for a book on my recovery process and quite frankly its an emergency room I saw the doctor for  10 15 minutes.  Sick. PRESCRIPTION. Why are you going out of your way to fight me on bed rest?  Firstly IM NOT GOING ANYWHERE TO ask for anything in the heat RETURNING from the hospital because im what? sick. That makes no sense.  And to be quite honest its tacky Im actually sick but how tacky is it that a doctor needs to  jump through hopes to convince a shelter something they should already be providing SHELTER. lmao. It really gets no better. The ER paperwork didn't go into detail about bedrest but it was stated that bedrest is suggested. Everything was vague and should have been taken with a grain of salt. No one person is the same. I actually have asked 4 times since my hospital visit for Bedrest. the last one being when Police were called on the 17th. I wont lie about the situation became exacerbated when I realized there were women staying in doors who are not sick while the rest of us sit outside in the heat looking like zoo animals. Unfortunate for the shelter these women are light and white its offensive and disrespectful. It really sends the wrong message.  I am sick and I need to prove to them im sick before I can lay down and rest these women have nothing wrong with them and they are inside. I will post emails between me and the shelter. What's even more offensive the white woman Ive had problems with. It looks alot she was rewarded. I had no idea ANYONE was inside during the hours of 7 and 4. I was aware there are people on bedrest, people who are sick but I was under the impression the POLICY applied to everyone. They way it should be.

These women are still sitting up in the shelter as we speak. Are required to go no where in the heat. The shelter tells on themselves if you are suppose to be there you are not in the mirror putting make up on in your pajamas as a COVER five minutes before departure time. You are sick you are employed you don't need a cover right? Exactly Goodbye. A lie. White. Thinks things magically falls from the sky. W e are talking about Pat Handy so they are aware Im upset about light bright and spoiled milk sitting inside while we squats on fucking bricks and on cement for an hour and half pointless while business professionals walk by  for the morning communute.

Let me put here We are treated like humans when hyporthermia alert comes on but for cold weatehr its I believe 32 and below and for hotweather I think its like 95 and above r something likethat. Watch PH top me. We missed it by a degree and we are outside on cycles. Fucking sad and ridiculous and they touting A FEMALES names

Moving on to Problem Child Number 2

Northeastern Library 7th street NE Washington, DC

Ive been going to that library for the past little while maybe a few weeks maybe a few months. Outside the no phone calls at the computer There were no issues. And even that was business related. I mind my business and im in and and out. Im looking for work. Don't know anyone beyond a familiar face. Around maybe a few days before the 11th of July maybe a week im not sure. Im noticing my computer is having suspicious activity that disrupts my work. obviously its very possible for technical issues to arise but three is too many times and noone else is having issues. I send a complaint via the website computer is messing up too many times and noone else is having problems. I literally have to closeout all programs three times. And I wont lie its not the best day but the library was none the wiser. Minding my business haven't said anything to anyone. I get an email following that incident days later.  The woman who intercepted my message via the library's website tried to imply she didnt know what library I was referring to. This is possible but I personally find it unlikely. It was sent from a Library computer and I typed in Northeastern Library so  I find it hard to believe she doesn't know what library Im referring to. AT that point it would appear like she is playing a game or attempting to cover for whomever. But she could have covered for whomever and just kept her mouth closed. She messy end of discussion. I respond with this message

Start Emails

Please excuse me for the tone of this email but quit frankly I wasn't expecting to have to hold the hand and do your job. I really didn't want to have to respond at all. Ive written two emails. Ive enclosed pictures to show you--whether or not someone incompetently put together a website or it;S DC policy TO hire stupid people and make it MY JOB TO figure our your JOB or YOU KNOW PRECISELY and this is another game I am hesitant to call and put a stop to.  It came from A dc library computer. You have my card number. I really hate to jump to conclusions. But people make it hard these days to come in and do mind their business and leave. I don't have time for this. I'm here for a reason to conduct business my business that has nothing to do with you. I don't have time to write complaints. Ive enclosed pictures. Hopefully someone gets paid to CONNECT DOTS.

-----Original Message----- From: Ward, Deborah A. (DCPL) (DCPL) <deborah.ward@dc.gov> To: --- Sent: Mon, Jul 3, 2017 10:00 am Subject: RE: [General Topic] Computer Freezing

Which library were you visiting on Friday, June 30?

Thanks

-----Original Message----- From: dcplwebeditor@dc.gov [mailto:dcplwebeditor@dc.gov] Sent: Friday, June 30, 2017 2:52 PM To: Fayemi, Temitayo (DCPL); Ward, Deborah A. (DCPL) Subject: [General Topic] Computer Freezing

----sent a message using the contact form at https://www.dclibrary.org/contact.

So I've been on this computer for about maybe an hour to an hour half and its frozen maybe three times in the last twenty minutes. I did ask someone else if there computer is freezing and there's was not. I'm not sure if its a technical issue but Its off my computer is freezing three times in an hour.

End Emails

Surprising enough this happened the same day as the emails on the eleventh. I did not send the emails until after I returned on the 13th. The emails were going to be sent should another situation arise. One presented itself the same day whether they are responsible I still am not sure. The library is not cooperative which places doubt  on them and due to their behavior following the incident and after I filed the police report I start leaning into asshwooping territory unfortunately.

Following the incident with the library the email pasted above sent to Ms. Ward on the 11th  was the last email I sent before  being sick by food poisoning the same  day. I sometimes go to 7 eleven that next  door But that day I stuck to my usual a croissant  which is packaged. Later that day around the time im doing laundry I go to Walgreens (Nesquick) and 7 eleven   (beefpattie) (one usual beef pattie is sporadic) . I'm doubled over sick by the end of the night. Ive talked to 7 eleven while nothings certain leaning towards Walgreens.  

The library is boldy unapologetic and even if they had nothing to do with still very much up for debate You are A business you are being paid to be a business professional which I have not seen. Not only does the situation demand a response I requested a response. To your fifty cent credit thats how much its worth considering I was poisoned and You are a likely candiate. Im mean. ANd disrespectful AND IM NOT apologetic. Look AT HOW YOU behave. They all need new lives that's how bad those emails were. LMAO it makes me feel better.  Nose in the air. And im still taller then you I dont see anything. You are being paid. These are rules and policy you have to follow. So sorry about it. Sucks for you.

[signalsandsoundwaves]

kay so I’m like 95% sure I just had my first ever real lucid dream??

so I guess some background on this for the past few weeks/months I’ve been having I guess are called reality checks, in my nonlucid dreams where I see something and I kind of act like how I rationally would in real life when faced with the same situation, like in one dream this weird giant figure thing materialized in the middle of the football field while me and a couple of other girls were on the bleachers talking about art stuff and giving each other critiques (they were actually critiques I’d make IRL too like I remember saying the line weight in her drawing was great, try making the color palette a little more vivid, said those in particular) and the figure thing was almost slowly robotically moving towards me? I was very creeped out by this just as I’m very creeped out by robotic slow movements by people in real life (my brother would do that as a way of pranking me and I wanted to slap him for it) and I remember hauling ass down the bleacher steps and going across the street (for some reason this dream the bleachers and football field were in my back yard) and I leaped the fence to get into my front yard (it’s a short fence irl) to get towards the neighbor’s backyard fence and leaped that one too (it’s also a short fence irl i am not an athlete :(  ) and that’s where the dream ended BUT I just wanted to recount that to you as an example of how I’ve been responding rationally to irrational situations in my dreams recently which may have set me up for this.

Ok SO this morning (like just now) I was trying to sleep at least a little bit cuz I had like a 4-5 hour nap last night (I should not nap, I basically sleep for soooo long lmfaooo) and after to trying to fall asleep for a couple of hours i finally fell asleep!! Good right? Nah. 

so the dream opened up to me sitting at the computer in my room watching a new rick and morty episode (season 3 episode 2 to be precise, which is not actually out yet!! so disappointed) and in the dream I was consciously thinking, “Wow! A new episode! Wait this is weird, isn’t the new season not coming out until summer? Are they releasing the new season early as another joke? Gosh this is a good joke if it is” and then I really got my first inkling of Wait a minute because the episode was some kind of weird musical episode!

Except it wasn’t obviously choreographed with timed routines and all of the stuff a proper musical would have it was just like dialogue they were speaking while singing it out? it was very very strange and I distinctly remember thinking Wait a minute Rick and Morty would never do shit like this and then when I had that thought they stopped singing their dialogue. and Thats. When. Shit. Hit. The. Fan. and I was legit having a 100% bonafide LUCID DREAM and I realized I had control! And I thought how fun! Let’s try something simple! So I just kinda made up some little cartoon characters and they appeared. I imagined them singing and stuff and they did that! and then I did some other things like changing the color of paint in my room, moving around (except that was weirdly difficult and it felt like I was trying to move through molasses which I realized then was because I was trying to move while my body was asleep and locked up from sleep mode) and it was pretty alright! 

Aaaaaand then I had remembered some line i read like a bajillion years ago about how you have to be sure to resolve any anxieties, fears, whatever because otherwise it could show up in the dream and I was kind of worrying because I was actually having fun and I didn’t want that to end AND THE FUCKING SECOND I WORRIED THAT THIS FUCKING LITTLE TOOTH MONSTER THING APPEARED and it was really weird because it had no eyes a g i a n t mouth that spanned its head (just like the harlequin demon from nightmare before christmas) and at the same time looked like a cartoon character? like brightly colored and everything and it would be harmless looking if it werent for that god damn mouth

and this little tooth monster started trying to get at me! and it hadn’t tried to hurt me yet or anything but I wasn’t sure and I knew it was caused by my worrying so I had a vibe it wasn’t going to be so good when it did get at me and I was thinking of ways to bind the little fucker up so I could properly deal with it and I realized that I had control here so I could try and vanish it away and it did! for like two seconds. then my thinking about it just made it reappear right in front of me as if it never left. So then I tried waking up. And I did, in the dream :/ I woke up to no cartoon characters moving around and nothing around and all way quiet and the room layout changed to match the room I have now (I really should have realize I was in a dream when my room layout changed but wait! There’s more!) except the paint color was yellow like my old room. I should have realized at that moment that I was still sleeping but I didn’t, and then I only realized I was still asleep in real life when me attempting to move my arm felt like I was trying to move through molasses again. 

And that was when I thought Oh Shit and the fucking. gremlin. tooth. monster. appeared. again right when I thought that! and it was back yet again with a vengeance and this time I thought okay I got control here right? I can just make some ropes or something and when I thought that these snake rope things came out of my fingers and started wrapping themselves around the tooth monster thing and it kind of worked, the little beast was restrained! so that was half of the problem solved and I started bringing the thing closer to myself because honestly I was going to rip this thing apart and get rid of it for good (until the next gremlin shit came along) so I started to try tearing it apart, and it came apart much easier than I thought it would! except this time there was no blood and it was like russian dolls where there was a smaller one inside the outer one? the shell of the outer one was super thin and connected the top half to the bottom half with those thin flimsy plastic hinges that you see on easter eggs. and the next one came apart easily still connected with that flimsy hinge, and the next, and the next too

the whole time while i was trying to tear this thing apart i kept hearing the thing laugh which was really weird because the body of the thing acted like it was in pain when I was popping them apart and then the discarded shells were unresponsive like they were dead? which made sense except for the laughing. it was a really weird kind of high pitched laugh like a baby that kept going as I split the bodies apart and I kept desperately trying to wake up wake up wake up and then I finally did wake up! In a lilac room, not yellow, which took me a second to realize was the proper room color that I should be seeing. I tried moving, much easier now, no molasses. aaand then i got up and had to do a quick reality check by interrogating my mom as to the errands we did yesterday and freaking her out LMAO 

so then I thought I had to tell the internet somehow (cuz im lame lol jk jk) and then I just went ahead and made a post here for posterity. Oh and one more thing time passed actually kind of normal in the dream? like I woke up and I was shocked that only about 30 or 40 minutes had passed which on second thought made sense because the events in the dream probably had only taken about that long to happen, but IRL when I dream I wake up with hours having passed. i guess i woke up in the dream relatively early hmmmm

edit: prob notable to point out that this is probably the first time ive had an actual nonsensical dream, usually it’s got some degree of realism or almost terrifying realism to it :(