#1.26.2023

[suddencolds]

a personal milestone 🥳 + author's note

i finally made it 😭 (there is probably another 10k sitting in my drafts, but i have always tracked word count for this project as a sum of already-published installments)

also a (somewhat long) journal entry below:

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This has been the main project in my life for almost two years, now (I started writing on 1.26.2023). It's my first proper attempt at a novel, and it's one of my first times ever posting original work anywhere 😭

It's hard to say how I feel now, perhaps because I feel too much.

Where to go from here? I considered dropping the series entirely before I hit the milestone because I was very tired. In a way, I felt like I had said everything I wanted to say. But I think I also love this series a lot more than I can properly verbalize.

To be completely honest, writing this series was so lonely. To work for so long on something that I could not show to nearly anyone irl (not family, not close friends, not peers, not strangers I met who I talked to about art); to spend hundreds of hours on something that I could only ever post to a small subset of people... all of that was very lonely. I'm sure other creatives have felt this way too.

And at the same time, hearing what people on snzblr thought became probably the most potent source of happiness in my life (is that pathetic? Maybe so.) I don't think this project was self-sustaining at all; I think to some extent, I wrote it because I wanted to hear people tell me that they liked it. I realize this is a terrible and unsustainable reason to create art, but that's the truth.

On some level, though, I kept writing because I loved Y+V. They've been at the forefront at my life for almost two years now 😭 I spent a long time teaching myself how to write them, and a lot of the themes & choices in the series are quite personal. Embarrassingly, I still want to talk about Y+V all the time.

When I posted to ask if I could send my unfinished/unpolished WIPs, some people reached out to offer to read them... and then I never sent anything over to anyone. I think a part of me could not get it through my head that people would be willing to read something completely unpolished, because... well, frankly, a lot of my drafts are just pretty unreadable; I typically only post things that I have already cleaned up. More importantly, I felt like sending my drafts to people—even people who had given me explicit permission to send them!—was selfish and troublesome.

On some level, I also felt the same about asking others to brainstorm with me: I felt like I was asking them a favor which I did not know how to pay back. Perhaps this is just another way in which I have been cruel/uncharitable to myself, but I never imagined people enjoying receiving my drafts. I could never convince myself that for those people, giving feedback/discussing ideas might not actually be a chore. I was always scared to make writing less of a lonely process because I could only think about how easy it would be for me to ask too much.

This is probably the most honest I've been about this particular subject 😭 I am not good at gauging what constitutes 'too much.' I feel like I can get carried away when someone expresses interest, so I try to preemptively position myself as someone who does not impinge on others... I think that even outside of this series, I have defaulted to this pattern of trying to give and trying not to ask. In that particular sense, I am perhaps to blame for my own loneliness.

Anyways! Recently, I've gone back to (tentatively) writing after months of not writing. I'm not sure if I will post another installment here (maybe if the drafts are 'good enough', I will?), but it's nice to write without worrying so much that what I am writing needs to be publishable/presentable.

If you have ever left tags/comments on my work, and you are reading this, I am grateful beyond words to you for keeping me company + for making me feel like what I was spending so much time on was a little more meaningful :') I always go back to reread them when I'm in need of encouragement. Thank you sincerely for the happiness. ❤️

[alvvaysechoes]

Finally..🥹

You're so cool, it actually hurts :')

[wonder-doughnut]

Just had a dream where Hideki Kamia had this weird egg themed shitposting Twitter featuring a picture of Hideo Kojima holding a large white egg. Then apparently Kamiya announced he was going to France, which was the only non-egg themed post he had ever made, and promptly posted a photo of himself holding a little egg with only the caption "little egg" as soon as he got there. And, people were memeing it saying it was a euphemism for taking a dump the moment he arrived in France. So, if anyone said anything about France, people would spam comment "little egg" and make poop jokes.

[almarirpg]

1.26.2023

itch.io

[mcgayvid]

noah cates & his buddies | phi @ min— 1.26.2023

[p-h03n1-x]

Hidden Blade Weibo update 1.26.2023 with a new trailer, and it has English subs! This is what’s keeping me hopeful that there will be an international release.. hoping.. praying.. wishing..

[fitnessgeekandcoffeefreak]

1.26.2023.

This workout was horrendous. And fantastic. I better have buns o' steal tomorrow 😂 It only takes one day, right?! Off to work I go. Prepping Valentine's things today!

[emilyblame]

1.26.2023

“Let me speak to your manager” / Oh, you mean Benji? / He’s fucking busy / ’Cause I just drove through AP / On my brand new jetski / So leave some tears after the **** / If you’re feeling silly / I’ll call you, beep you later / If Otto doesn’t serial kill me. / I’m out of my cage / And I’m on the stage / I’m dying to give you a show / I’m alienated / Way overrated / Here are a few of the notes: / My fans are the best / They’d love me more dead / But man / I can’t die ’til I finish the album / ’Cause if I could time it right, shit could go Platinum / But baby / it’s getting too loud. / Da da da da, da da da da da / And everyone’s freaking me out / I wake up and I’m up and I’m down / Yo shut the fuck outta your mouth / Bite tongue ’til there’s blood in my mouth / It freaks me out. / I’m Miss Congeniality / Everybody’s proud of me / But when they try and tell me / Volume’s muted like they’re sound asleep. / Therapy’s not working / I don’t understand / So I kill time playing tennis with your favorite band / We’re singing / Da da da da, da da da da da / It gets real super dark around the edge of my heart / Around the edge of my heart / It gets real fucking dark around the edge of my heart / Around the edge of my heart.

[getoutofthisplace]

Dear Gus & Magnus,

Lately when Magnus has been in the bathtub, he loves using the shower curtain to play peek-a-boo. He also loves sticking his tongue out and trying to drink the bath water. Gus laughs and says, "DAD! Magnus is trying to drink the bath water!" I tell him to stop, but he just keeps bobbing his mouth into the water like one of those little glass, water-drinking birds.

Dad.

Little Rock, Arkansas. 1.26.2023 - 6.32pm.

[omegaxmasterlist]

[1.26.2023]

KCON Picturesque have opened a YouTube channel for "A Shoulder To Cry On"! They released a short interview video with members of the cast in both Korean and with English subtitles (eng sub version linked above). Please check it out and subscribe to the channel. ASTCO is finally coming soon!!!

[wordsthatmattered]

"That is wintering. It is the active acceptance of sadness. It is the practice of allowing ourselves to feel it as a need. It is the courage to stare down the worst parts of our experience and to commit to healing them as best we can."

Wintering - Katherine May

1.26.2023

Having a huge snowstorm blow through right when I finish this book was something like fate. A perspective changing memoir about accepting the hard times for what they are, and knowing that the snow will melt and the sun will return.

I included a favorite little statue I got myself when I was pregnant and going through some rough nausea 24/7. The author speaks heavily on health and pregnancy being a huge liminal space and turning point for her.

Hibernation and hard times are one in the same, prepare for the low points and you'll get through them a little easier.

[alvvaysechoes]

Wow, there's nothing like the real thing!

Marie is super cool❤️‍🔥

The audience is v excited and the place is rocking❤️‍🔥

Marie is dancing around the stage..❤️‍🔥

To me, they seem to create a more synergistic effect🥰

[ralph-with-coffee]

Dare

let us dare to make our dreamagainst the oddsagainst the “common wisdom”against our doubts and fears.let us stare at ittake the first stepand build it one by one.let us dare to make our dream. 1.26.2023

[mtnkat3]

G'night my loves..... my beloved Bears Angels.....

I love you & miss you beyond measure.....

I hope each piece of you has a good night's sleep & dreams.....

I am Yours . . . . .

God help me.. please?

To make amends, & be the best me, & deserve my soul's mates loves......

Bowing head chewing lips.

~Tijgeress kat Phoenix. ✝️☸⚓⛓🧰🙏🤲👣🐾👩‍🏫🏔🐯🦉🐐🐢🐛🦋🌱🌺🌳🌹🌻🌷🌳🌲🧶🧵🎓⌚🌟⚡🌠🗝🔱⚜💝🐻🦌🧩♠️❄💫♾🧭🕯😴💤

Th.1.26.2023 12.40am.est.

[mcgayvid]

sanny joins the scrum | phi @ min — 1.26.2023

[p-h03n1-x]

Yibo Official Weibo update 1.26.2023 with photos of Wang Yibo at Ningbo, the last stop for his cinema tour for Hidden Blade. And of course the weather report.. “today in Ningbo, the weather is sunny”

Take a break and rest well.. and I’m hoping to hear some news about the international release of Hidden Blade soon please? Please? Please? ☺️