#400+ and not wanting to go down so may be a bit nonsensical?

[nepja]

another unintentional thing I can link... a former elf—who has beef with Mist by the time Aeron's time period comes around—also shares eye color with Cy's replacement part. Cy's hair changes from its natural shade as it grows, to the same color as the ex-elf's. I had already decided long ago this color change was because of the changes to his body.

Cy's wish—when he finally gets a chance at it—undoes the crap he and the other kids went through. They were very much aware that something was wrong and once freed, kinda get stuck focusing on Mist because "hey, I remember seeing you a lot" and

Mist is sad but relieved to see a new elf tree pop up after Aeron's party takes care of the other elf. Not so much when they find out it's still tainted with darkness but hey, that's what purifying-it-by-burning-it-down is for.

Does being the last elf even mean anything if dying would just mean that one is immediately reincarnated as another species?

[transinatrade]

Two Months In

It's been about two months now. More like one in and a half but it's close enough for me. There's enough to say.

From what I understand, in HVAC first you get your apprenticeship and then you get a journeyman's card. There's also a contractor card you can get later down the line but it's optional. I don't think the stress of running my own business is for me, but I may think differently about it when I get there. After school I'll be working an apprenticeship job. Finding one won't be difficult, I've been made offers already. Finding one that will accept that I am transgender may be difficult. When it comes to looking around for jobs, even entry level, I've found my applications denied despite being more than qualified. I like to think that perhaps they had already filled the position, or I had done something else (like flunk one of those online tests that many places have you take) but there is a pessimism that tells me that it could be that I'm trans. That's likely not true for all of them, but I'm sure the issue will come up later.

My solution is to have my name changed. This is free to do on a federal level, however in my state a name change can cost 200+ dollars for whatever reason. I can't help but think this is very classist. I cannot afford that, $200 dollars pays for my electric and procured interest for my student loans. This is assuming I have no other hoops to jump. If the judge or admin I'm paired with feels like being difficult that could cost me more money. I could wait until I have a nice apprenticeship job but I want the name change to make that process easier. I've thought of starting a gofundme or something similar. Perhaps a small business where I make stickers or something. Those are a dime a dozen so I'll need some brancells to get that one really going.

I'm also trying to cope with the idea that I may have to grind out many hours a week working an apprenticeship and my current restaurant job. Student loan payments begin six months after I graduate, adding a whopping $400 of extra expenses onto me. I know many people are just fine working two jobs, and I'm not special, it's just something I've never done before. At the moment I cannot drive (due to a past seizure disorder) but I should be able to get my license in February assuming the seizures do not come back. I've been through hell and back trying to figure out what they are and used a lot of insurance money. Specialists and doctors alike are stumped so they can come back whenever they feel like and there's not much I can do about it. I'm terrified that it could come back while I'm trying to work in this field. It's all a bit much.

Back to the driving thing, I mention it because it means my partner had to drive me everywhere, which would be incredibly inconvenient if I'm working two jobs (not that it's not inconvenient now). I'd also have to either pick up a cheap used car (as if those exist anymore) or start making car payments.

If anyone has any ideas, please let me know. My inbox is open. I'm a no nonsense kind of guy but I have a sense of humor. I also have no clue how tags work, I've been winging it. If someone could help me out there I'd be appreciated.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Title: Nothing Ever Happens

Author: William T. Vollmann

Rating: 1/5 stars

In the five years since this book was published, I've "tried" to read it twice, although that's probably not the right word -- what I mean is, I picked it up, was bored with the first few chapters, and then put it down, not bothering to force myself to get further in (which I've learned to do with even books I don't get along with). This time, though, the realization dawned on me that I'm not going to get it any better than the first time. The number of pages I've read isn't getting any higher. I've read 132 pages and I'm not going to read any more. Given that a book which holds my interest for the first 100 pages will usually hold it for 300 more, I think this is a pretty safe bet.

This is Vollmann's second book of the year (I've previously read his book on Rwanda, obviously), and his third book in just over a year (all of them are over 500 pages long), and as I'm writing this, he just came out with a brand new novel on the first of the year. It has been fascinating to watch this torrent of Vollmann's work, even if I am utterly unable to make heads or tails of any of it.

Vollmann is an experimentalist, and my general impression is that his experiments tend to work, or not to work, all at once. Nothing ever feels like it works all the way, but nothing ever fails all the way either. I don't say this in the sense that he's "very good at what he does," I say it in the sense that it's really hard to say what he's doing (and what he's up to) with any kind of clarity. "My book tells a story," is one of the sort of "tidy" statement an author might make in an attempt to summarize what their book is about. With Vollmann, it's much more like he's saying, "I'm making a giant mess of text, and you can read it if you want." Whatever you think of that may well depend on how you feel about messes of text, but it seems like a small step to moving from this to the kind of reaction that goes: "well, he's making a mess, so . . . "

So, let's make a mess. The first Vollmann book I tried was The Raking Concern, a fictional history of the rake tailored on the model of Gibbon's Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, or at least on that model's three volumes' worth of narrative information. The book opens with what is apparently a playable video game version of this fictional history, about 70 pages, and the novel proper opens with a 40-page scene that parodies standard conceptions of historical writing. Then we settle down into a 400-page retelling of English history that seems like it might be intended to be taken more or less seriously. However, the author seems to have some odd, wildly heterodox opinions about the period in question, and these keep intruding into the fictional material, and in fact the fiction sometimes appears to form a kind of mirror of the way history is being presented, and occasionally the very structure of the text reminds the reader that "this is a fiction," or at least reminds one that reality doesn't quite work the way Vollmann thinks it does -- when, for instance, all the characters sit around and read each other's thoughts, like the story is an Ayn Rand book, and also like the narrative voice is very insistent that Vollmann is not, in fact, writing an Ayn Rand book.

This may all sound like nonsense, but it does sound like it's intended to, and in any case the overall effect is irresistibly fun, a little bit silly but with actual stakes and seriousness of purpose, not quite like anything else (as one of the characters says at one point). There's a lot of Vollmann in there, a lot of characters and motifs and obsessions, and reading this kind of Vollmann feels like reading his Wikipedia article and scrolling down and down and down: you can't help but sense that Vollmann is a strange and amazing mind and his writing a strange and amazing thing, but it's hard to tell what's most important. (I got the sense that many people were startled that Rwanda wasn't all about him personally, and I can see how that'd be a lot of what's interesting about Vollmann, because so much of his work is about him personally, or at least tied to his life and experiences.)

So, now we've got a new Vollmann book. What the hell is this one supposed to be? Well, I think it's intended to be a fictionalized account of the author's own experiences growing up in San Francisco's Mission district, with a bunch of historical material about Venezuela and Nicaragua on the side.

And that's about it. Here is the blurb from the back of my copy:

"'I want to be the first nonfiction writer, the first eternal slave to the truth, to make a work of art out of nonfiction.' San Francisco, 1986. Willie, an eccentric white teenager, breaks up with his first girlfriend to sell crack in a school bathroom. So begins a violent initiation into youthful romantic idealism as it collides with prejudice, murder, violence, and the risk of a lifetime sentence to juvenile prison. After an obsession with prison causes Willie to develop an ability to be invisible, the dream turns to reality as he flees the Mission District and moves north to follow the legacy of his murdered father and an imaginary, mythical character, the human monster Zanella. This haunting and compulsively readable novel is a terrifying look at the future of a middle-class white childhood, a waking dream of forbidden romance, and a peek into the artistic world of William T. Vollmann."

That's it. That's all there is here. That's all I know about this book from reading it. You can do as much with this as you can do with the abstract idea of it, which is the kind of story that might be spun out of something like the abstract idea of Lin Manuel Miranda's Hamilton. But will it live up to the abstract idea in its concrete form? ("Will he ever live up to the 'Hamilton' that lives inside his head? Will he succeed?" No, actually, is the answer to that.) Will Vollmann ever live up to this book?

It's a short sentence. Let's say the entire book is 50 pages long, as it was in the case of the video game and the "first 40 pages" of the book proper. That's a lot of Vollmann for a relatively short time commitment. 10 minutes per page of Vollmann, on average, which is almost an hour. It's at least 10 minutes, because some of that will be "filler" and some of it will have to be skimmed. It's over in a week. A lot of people have a lower standard for "good" and "bad" books than I do. There's some literature that I've read where I wasn't sure what to think and I had to think about it for a while before reaching any conclusions. Maybe this Vollmann will be that for me. It's certainly possible. And, well, we'll see.

[sporadiclilbook]

Oh god! It’s the 400 followers even is still on? if it’s, please let me see Brave Dimitri snap at the summoner for.. maybe they get wasted and cries on him because they can’t summon his legendary version of him ( I miss the leg version 2times now puhu..) thank you very much, I really like your writing, You doing so good UwU

Thank you! I hope you like this. May the next time his Legendary Alt is on a banner he comes home! I wish I could give you my extra one that I got from Seiros' banner!

Tw: drinking/alcohol

"Ah, I couldn't manage to summon him...." You felt a bit sad but what can you do about it? These focused summonings only comes once in a while. You thought that maybe if you could summon the Saviour King Dimitri, the other grown up him could work well together! Walking back to your room, you analysed the info of the upcoming mission.

On your shelf was an alcoholic drink. A gift from one of the Heroes. Staring at it for a while, you thought to yourself 'Well they say rubbing alcohol fixes the outside wounds and drinking alcohol fixes the inside wounds. Plus, it would go to waste so why not?' Opening it and pouring it with the glass that came with it, you drink the bitter drink. Even after only a few sip you were getting warmer and dizzy. Damn you're such a lightweight or maybe the alcohol was much more potent than the ones from your world. A knock then was heard on your door. You walked slowly to the door to find Dimitri. The grown up, King of Faerghus, Dimitri. Not the Crown Prince of Faerghus Dimitri. "Hmm.....mm? Dimi....tri? Is there some.....thing...I can help you...with? Hehe."

Dimitri caught you before you could fall. He is quite shocked to see you in such a state. He never really took you one for drinking. "Summoner? Are you alright? I was here to check up on you because you didn't show up for dinner. Prince Alfonse and Princess Sharena is worried."

After making you lay down on your bed he sat beside you. Asking you why you were...well, drunk. And of course in a drunken state, you tell him all about your problems. Your grief in summonings that made you unable to make some Heroes happy by summoning their close ones, the feeling of homesick even with Heroes from a world that was similar to yours and the constant fear of one day being outsmarted by your enemies and thus failing the Order as the designated tactician.

Dimitri felt.....angry. Not at you, but at the people who expected so much of you. It reminded him of the days when the voices of his head demanded Edelgard's death. In a way, he could relate. But this was different. Those voices was the voices of those who died. But these voices that's tormenting you belong to the ones still alive. He was glad that you couldn't see the anger expression on his face. But now he knows what he must do.

He must protect you from those voices.

Without making them gone completely of course. By the Goddess, he doesn't want to stray down that path of utter violence once more. But he will should he deem it important. For now he shall keep the people who keep making you question your self-worth at bay. "Summoner, please don't trouble yourself. Why don't I stick with you in every battle from now on?"

You shook your head lightly "I don't....want to...trouble..you. I'll be fine....I think." Dimitri grasped your hand firmly "Nonsense, clearly some of the Heroes has a negative effect on your state of mind. Allow me to negate them. I beg of you, please." You frowned a bit at his pleads still refusing "I don't want....the others to think....I'm not o--"

"YOU ARE NOT ALRIGHT."

You jolted at his sudden raise of voice. It was loud but fortunately for him, the summoner's room was far from the quarters of others. "I can't stand seeing you like this! It reminds me of......when I was once haunted by those voices too." Even in quite an upset mood. He was still ever so careful holding your hand. Afraid of breaking it. To him, almost everything was fragile. You are no different.

Your blurry sight could not see it but his face held fear. He's afraid of the fact one day you'll succumb to those voice. Unlike him, he had his professor to guide him. But you.....had none. No one to look up to. No one to look out for you. So it's only natural for him to be your light, right?

"Fret not, (Y/N). I will always stay here by your side." You looked at him gently, unsure what to say "Dimitri....I..." He shushed you before you could think of something to say "Don't worry (Y/N). I will always be here. Even if you send me back, I will always answer your summons again....

I will always be watching over you, my beloved."

[offaeandcreation]

The Gift of Immortality (Old Fic)

Prologue: To Whom it May Concern

The value of seclusion for an immortal is ignorance.

Those were the words of Baoshan Sanren. They were the tether that kept Wen Mao from wandering down from his mountain to the people who lay below. It has been over 400 lonely years. Wen Mao finally decided that perhaps ignorance was not worth the loneliness, so he descended. However, all he could find was the corruption of his legacy.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

AO3

To whomever it concerns,

One of the gifts of immortality is the ability to pursue whatever you desire with no time constraints. The mastery of most skills are typically limited by the snapshot of life, but with this blessing, you have all the time in the world to master them. About 400 years ago, I built a house here, initially out of wood, but eventually taught myself to make it out of stone (after many failed attempts, I should have studied or at least observed construction before I left society) – wood corrodes after a time but stone lasts longer. I haven’t figured out how to make a stone roof yet. Getting crushed once was enough of a discouragement.

Another perk of immortality; you don’t die…unless of course you get your head chopped off then your golden core cannot quite keep up with healing a missing head. Getting crushed was a too close call, can I bounce back from a collapsed skull? I would rather not find out.

One of the gifts of immortality is time. I spent most of mine gardening. In the back of my house, I have planted a large garden; partially a rock garden, partially a live garden. The dry rock garden acts as a border where the flower garden and irrigation I designed. Orchids of all colors line the small stream I dug up. Peony bushes and plum blossoms thrive in this soil. The designing, the digging, the construction, the management, all done by me. My own clothes, utensils – I am self sufficient. I have to be. That is the reality of living in seclusion. Being immortal, you typically abandon the life of the everyday to continue cultivation high beyond the reaches of society; being immortal would call attention to yourself, people seek to use you for their own gain.

There exists an unspoken rule between cultivators, at least from the era I am from: the common goal among cultivators is to become an immortal and afterwards, abandon this world for it has no room for them. One of the gifts of immortality, they say, is you are able to see the world within the lens of the gods; see the ongoing theatre of history while remaining untethered by the fallacies of bias (granted while being in seclusion doesn’t make one privy to such information without outside contact, which in of itself would be biased, so this statement is a contradiction within itself but I digress).

I made a comment about this exact statement to Baoshan Sanren a couple of decades ago. She gave me a rather pointed look and said she wanted to add to that statement: the value of seclusion for an immortal is ignorance. If she were to have a daily flow of news, or even a yearly flow, she would go mad hearing all the nonsense that the mortals do. I think she is being a bit overdramatic. First of, Sanren and I pulled some quite shameful acts that would make our ancestors cry: what room does she have to judge others? Second, humans are quite stupid. I’m quite stupid. We do stupid things. Does it mean it isn’t worth following along for the sake of laughs and tears.

The truth of the matter, the reason I even bother writing this letter, is to share one truth that most cultivators are ignorant of, or are simply choosing to not consider, since becoming immortal is as rare as the moon eclipsing the sun. Immortality is far too overrated. It’s absolutely lonesome. Everyone I was friends with has already turned to dust (except Sanren). Is there even a point of making other friends? They will all perish anyway and you have to watch it happen.

That is the curse of immortality that kept me awake at night. That is the truth that echoed in the far crevices of my mind during the hours of stillness when not even the breeze would provide me company. Sometimes I would sit with Sanren, drink tea and trade insults and suddenly we would both go quiet. A missing link so obvious that I felt like I would suffocate. Maybe Lan An had the right idea to turn away from cultivation after his wife died. He knew the truth while Sanren and I foolishly pursued the fragile veneer known as immortality that concealed a hidden curse.

There are two ways out of this: I could either off myself or I could re-enter society and quietly establish myself there. Being the adventurous type, I decided to go through with the latter. If anyone does venture into these mountains and finds this letter, I assure you you are welcome to stay at my humble home and enjoy my gardens. Please pick the plums, it is good for the trees. But try not to break anything? Of course I won’t be angry, too petty of a reason to be, but just please respect what I built.

Sincerely,

Wen Mao

[sauntered-vaguely-downward]

A Place to Stay, Part 2. Geralt x Reader.

oh hey, me again, I was going to post this as a second bit of part 1 but decided fuck it, it can be its own part so heyyyy have this as well! Enjoy sweeties! Also just wanted to say a massive thank you to all my new followers, I’m nearly on 400 which I know isnt much for a fanfic writer but I seriously appreciate it!

Again NO WARNINGS 

Y/N tried as hard as she could to open the door with her free hand, the wind doing everything possible to make the task as hard as it could. She couldn’t put the horse feed down, for even though it was a heavy bucket filled to the brim with food, she didn’t trust the storm not to carry it away from her.

Letting out a loud groan as she pulled open the door, she slipped between the small opening she had managed to make, pulling the door shut and locking it back into place as she came in. Safely inside she rest her forehead against the wooden door, trying to even out her breathing after her physical fight against the wind and the door. 

Having composed herself a little, she turned to do what she had come to do. She had been asleep when the storm had first started, but as the wind howled against her windows and doors she had awoken. Knowing her horse was outside on its own, she had decided to take it some food and go and see how it was doing. She hated thinking about her horse being scared or alone in such a horrendous storm. 

Turning with the bucket in hand she was rather surprised to find that not only was her horse now accompanied by another horse, but also by a large man holding a sword, looking ready to attack at any moment. 

“Shit!” She all but screamed, dropping the bucket on its side out of shock. She wasn’t used to finding strange men hidden in her horse’s pen, so didn’t know what to do with herself. Scared that the sword in the man’s hand would be used against her she flew up her hand, proclaiming, “please don’t hurt me.”

“I’m sorry,” his voice was deep, so deep she was grateful he hadn’t spoken to her before she had noticed him because she was sure if he did she may have died of shock. “I don’t mean to cause any alarm or hurt. I saw this building as my horse and I were travelling and the storm was becoming too hard to walk in. We didn’t want to alarm anyone, just needed somewhere to shelter. I’ll give you coin if you let us stay just until the worst of the storm has gone.” 

Now he had put his sword away, Y/N felt more at ease and was surprisingly not all that scared of the man. Sure he was huge, and could probably break her neck with just one hand, but without the sword, he was not threatening to her in the slightest. 

Gaining her composure a little, picking up the bucket trying to keep as much of the feed inside it as possible she replied as she made her way to fill up her horses’ tray. 

“You will do no such thing…” 

“I understand, I’ll go find another shelter…” Geralt began to collect his few belongings, stopping only when she continued. 

“No, you will stay here, well your horse can stay in here, you, on the other hand, will come inside in the warmth with me, and you will certainly not pay me for your stay,” she smiled, walking across to where Roach was, placing the remainder of the bucket of food in front of the horse so Roach too had something to eat. 

“I don’t expect that, I’m used to sleeping on the floor, I’m happy to stay out here, I’m sure I would just be in you and your families way, I do not expect such a kindness,” Geralt said. He wasn’t too sure what to do, usually, people told him to sod off and that was if they were being polite to him. 

“Nonsense, I live alone, you would be in nobody’s way but mine and I do not mind in the slightest,” she said firmly, eyeing him up as she stood in front of him, arms crossed. 

In theory, he should have been incredibly intimidating to her, he was larger than any man she had yet to come across. His eyes were a honey sort of yellow, a slight glow to them, and his hair practically white if it were not for the mud and the darkness added due to the dampening from the rain. Every part of her told her that she should be scared, she in comparison to him was like a newborn, no strength or skill if he suddenly turned nasty, but her mother had raised her properly and told her to be kind even to the most peculiar of strangers. Plus who wouldn’t want such a handsome fellow to stay the night during such a storm?

“Now, either you can come inside with me, where you can bath because I mean this in the nicest way you are disgusting, sleep on a relatively comfortable bed, and eat something hearty to keep you going on your travels,” she tried to think of an alternative that would force him to come inside. He may have said very few words but already she could tell he was a stubborn bastard. “Or I shall have to ask you and your horse to leave. I will not allow someone to sleep outside in this weather. If you don’t come inside for your own sake, come inside for your horses so it has somewhere to stay for the duration of this storm.” 

Eying up roach beside him who was happily eating away at the bucket of food she had given him, Geralt huffed throwing his single bag over his shoulder before making his way to the door of the outhouse. 

“Fine,” he said, “But only because you insist.”

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S3 Ep 36-37: Local Mom-Friend’s Weird Trick, Doctors Hate Him

Hey y’all it’s a surprise midweek post because I’m in Canada this weekend woo. Surprised I even got this post done, TBH, I finally get some time where I’m not commuting around to and from San Francisco or corralling small children and I can just sit at my computer and focus and have some peace and quiet and I got--a mysterious sickness from all those kids! *yay* So, since I can’t really focus on anything, I’ll type in here and see if any of my words make any sense at all and hopefully I won’t go on some weird ass tangent like I tend to do like every other post.

So Yugi is still dueling Kaiba, much like he has for the past like...it feels like 4 years. I know I’ve only seen 3 seasons but this is...this is a really long duel. Maybe because there was a month-long break for me in the middle, (during which I watched the entirety of Evangelion, 2 Seasons of Gotham, Stranger Things S3, and the disappointing season of One Punch Man so like...I’ve had some time away from Yugioh) or maybe...maybe it’s because they’re actually playing card mechanics that go more in depth...

But yeah, despite everything, they’re still dueling.

And honestly, I’m looking at that episode number above me and it’s like...so there’s this Kaiba and Yugi Duel and then...only one more duel, right? Is it going to be a ten episode duel? Like unless Rebecca comes back for a weird cameo like...how...?

Whatever, we’ll get there when we get there.

Anyways, everyone who’s been avoiding this duel like the plague is down with the plague victims in the hospital. That’s where Tristan gets a bright idea and it’s one of his dumber ones, believe it or not.

Man, I forgot that comatose Joey Wheeler is still wearing that duel disk Pharaoh slapped on him during all this too, haha.

Also, why does he have to have all these pectoral suction cups while they just kinda...gave up on Mai? I mean I know they can’t show boobies on a Y7 show but like...it really feels like the doctor just kinda shrugged at Mai and was like “I only have one set of boob suction cups, I really didn’t think I’d need more than that, if at all.”

(read more under the cut)

And so Tristan decides that if Joey is at the window which is like...600 ft below Yugi Muto’s duel, a duel you can’t...really see from the ground...then Joey Wheeler will arise.

I mean, it’s gonna work, it’s just also kind of laughable that Joey wasn’t able to hear any of this nonsense from the bed that is two feet away from the window.

But wtv, it’s very dramatic and Tristan gets to cry some more and feel useful I guess.

The haunted underwear mannequin plot-thread was dumped between that episode and this one, and I’m kinda bummed out that more things haven’t turned into haunted underwear mannequins.

Instead of horrific underwear mannequins, Joey’s dream has gone back to the standard fare of Joey picking on middle schoolers and wearing a much better outfit than he has for most of this show.

I will super miss Joey in a fitted suit. Like, soak it allll in horny preteens, because pretty soon, Joey Wheeler will be back in that scruffy oversized T-shirt just like...well, just like how a teenager would be. I mean there’s some REASONS Mai can’t date Joey, but the fact he has a fitted suit he refuses to ever wear is one of the top reasons right under, youknow, the fact he’d need a fake ID to ever go out with her.

It’s kind of amazing actually, how my whole life I kinda just figured this was a show of insane character designs, only to find out when I actually watch the show that there is like a ... REALLY horny line just going all the way through it.

Honestly, me trying to figure out how and when this kid’s show got so damn horny has been a very big mystery I’ve been trying to solve in the background this entire time. Like, I was told “yeah the Yugioh boys get very attractive.” and I was like “ehhhhhhhh I don’t even know what you’re talking about” but, little by little over the past 3 seasons, these animators are starting to draw these boys just waaaaaaay older than these kids actually are. I’m starting to see what people are saying. It’s still not my thing, personally, but uh yeah I can see how this spawned all that fanart now.

Anyways, speaking of, the other day a friend of mine’s sister was talking about how she, as a millennial, has been wired to love very tall skinny boys in skinny pants and very long coats with popped collars and I immediately was like “Lol are you admitting to Seto Kaiba?”

And she meant Cumberbatch Sherlock, LOLOLOLOL.

And so, back on the duel field we got Seto Kaiba, who’s a lot like Sherlock except a Sherlock who is suffering from both short term and long term memory loss. And, who does cards instead of heroin.

They probably both play violin.

Kaiba, despite having arc after arc where his little brother is his main motivation, has decided to just ditch Mokuba and it’s like...either he’s psyching Yugi out or Seto Kaiba forgot he had a brother for a little bit. He might...he might have forgotten. Mokuba is standing behind him, after all.

And so, because Joey is facing Yugi at just the right moment and at just the right time, somehow he can do his little force ability again and just do this:

Thanks, hallucination!Joey.

And out he goes, drawn like a romance anime character lol.

Anyways, he’s back to being a slob so...welcome back, wrinkle shirt, it’s been a while.

And then Joey looks around and actually said this:

“Did someone get hurt?” He asks, after being burned, electrocuted AND drowned just yesterday.

I was kinda very much hoping Tristan would deck him out.

Glad that, as predicted, the moment Mai doesn’t need to be Joey’s main motivation anymore, the moment he puts the cards away, she may as well not even exist. This show and the way they write straight romances.

Please admire the matching lace up boots on the Kaiba Corp’s Emergency Squad. This would be the most obscure Cosplay on earth but maybe the most wearable Yugioh cosplay outside of Bandit Keith because you wouldn’t need a 400 dollar wig.

And then for some reason Tea just loses her mind and has a complete breakdown. She’s been kind of a mess since Yugi walked out like 2 episodes ago, which seems kind of...I dunno, both out of character but very much in character at the same time. I mean we’re assuming they “have” a relationship it’s just never actually say that they do, so her acting like her man is dead is kinda like...it still feels like it comes out of freakin nowhere.

Anyways, Tea who is strong enough to lift this entire plane and who is, in fact, possessed by at least 2 powerful ghosts (remember Shadi did spends some time there and he did NOT like it), is now a seeping crying mess that refuses to lose any more of her hospital-prone boys.

I mean they were going to go anyway, but they let Tea pretend she had any control over that and kind of glazed over this.

Back in this game that no one else is really watching anymore, Seto Kaiba is still monologuing about his entire life story that he’s never gotten any therapy for, except for that time his evil step brother accidentally gave him therapy.

Quite upset we never see the color of Mokuba’s little tuxedo.

Course...didn’t...Noah wear a little tuxedo in that same exact shape? I mean it’s a silly headcanon but youknow...it could be a yellow tuxedo they just happened to find in the back of the closet.

And it’s at this point that Mokuba just lost his lid. I’m so used to Mokuba unconditionally supporting his crazy brother that this would have been the biggest anime betrayal of the whole series, if Mokuba had said any of this outloud (which he wisely did not).

It was like...damn Mokuba. He actually said something along the lines of “I liked you better when you were poor” and it was like. Holy cow, Mokuba. Damn.

Anyway, a bunch of card stuff happens, and Pharaoh has decided that Seto has too much anger in his heart, and that’s why he will lose. Then, Pharaoh played the card proof for how angry Seto is, and if I actually payed any attention to cards, it would have been very meaningful.

But anyways, kudos to Pharaoh on not mind-wiping Seto Kaiba this time or launching him directly off this very tall tower like he attempted to do last time. They actually played a game start to finish with eachother and nothing exploded except for every television in Domino. Progress.

and then Mokuba started crying and initially I thought...wouldn’t he have WANTED his brother to lose but then I kind of remembered oh yeah now Mokuba has to deal with this oncoming aftermath.

RIP Mokuba, I guess.

Anyway, I’m out of town for the rest of the weekend, escaping to the far North to get away from the weather. I should be back next weekend, but if I’m not, I was probably eaten by a bear. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, if you just got here, this is a link to my Yugioh recaps in Chrono order from the beginning.

[cromulentbookreview]

Every Heart Among Bones Beneath Sugar in a Dream Come Tumbling Down

Eleanor West’s Home for Wayward Children 

No Solicitations 

No Visitors 

No Quests

Clearly, it’s time for a quest. It’s Come Tumbling Down by Seanan McGuire, the fifth book of the Wayward Children series!

First and foremost: how gorgeous is that cover? All the covers for this series are gorgeous. Yes, yes, you can’t judge a book by it’s cover, but with these books, you can, because each one is as good as it’s cover makes them out to be.

Since this is a review of a fifth book in a series, there will be spoilers for books one through four. You have been warned.

Come Tumbling Down is the continuation of the story of Jack and Jill. Chronologically, this is after the events of books 1 - 3, and long after the events of Lundy’s story in In An Absent Dream. Christopher, late of the skeleton-filled Día de Muertos-esque world of Mariposa, is lounging in his basement room at Eleanor West’s Home for Wayward Children when lightning starts flashing. Not outside, mind you, but in the middle of the room. Lightening starts striking the basement floor like crazy, prompting  Cora (the unwillingly bipedal mermaid late of an underwater world whom we met in Beneath the Sugar Sky) to come running down to see what the commotion is all about. Once the lightning stops and they can see again, Cora and Christopher are amazed to see a door. A door that is all lightning and oak, something very reminiscent of the previous occupants of Christopher’s room: the twins, Jack and Jill Wolcott, residents of the Hammer Horror wicked-logical world of The Moors. As Christopher and Cora wonder at what they should do, the door opens and two young women emerge: one tall and broad, the other...Jill. 

Except it’s not Jill. 

Cora and Christopher are joined soon after by Kade (Goblin Prince and Eleanor's nephew) and Sumi (late of the nonsense world of Confection, a world so sugary and sweet just thinking about it makes my teeth and pancreas hurt). Sumi is the first to realize that Jill is not Jill at all, but Jack...stuck in Jill’s body. The other young woman is Alexis, Jack’s love from Down Among the Sticks and Bones who was killed by Jill...but this is the Moors we’re talking about, a world of Dr. Frankensteins and Vampires, so Alexis came back. It’s not so weird considering that Sumi was also killed by Jill in Every Heart a Doorway and then resurrected in Confection during Beneath the Sugar Sky. 

So, it turns out that, even though Jack had stabbed Jill at the end of the first book, Jack promptly took Jill back to the Moors and used the Dr Frankenstein machine to bring Jill back to life. Jill went back to her vampire master, and Jack went back to living with Dr. Bleak and Alexis in the Windmill. Happily ever after, right?

Yeah, no. One problem: according to the rules of the Moors, once a body dies and is brought back to life via lightning von Frankensteining, it cannot be turned into a vampire. No immortality for you. Jill wants nothing more than to be a vampire like her “father”, but she died and was resurrected. What’s a girl to do?

Forcibly switch bodies with her twin sister, of course!

Seems logical if you’re ultimate goal in life is to murder your way to becoming a vampire.

So Alexis and Jack-now-in-Jill’s-body flee to Eleanor West’s school seeking help. They’ve got to get Jack back into her own body, not just to save Jack’s life, but to save the Moors itself. And, even though the sign outside specifically says no quests - this calls for a quest. Kade, Sumi, Cora, Christopher, Alexis, and Jack-in-Jill band together and head to the Moors to save the world, and put an end to Jill’s violent shenanigans once and for all.

It will never cease to amaze me how some writers can fit so much story into so few words. None of the Wayward Children books exceed 250 pages, and yet every single one feels epic - more epic than some books twice, or even thrice their length. With just a few sentences, McGuire can create an entire mythology. How - how does one do that? Better yet, how do you do that well? Because McGuire does it very, very, very well. Asking for a friend who may or may not be a failed writer who spends their spare time reviewing books by real writers on Tumblr.

Seriously, together, all five Wayward Children books are (well, according to their Goodreads page counts) 929 pages, an average of 185.8 pages per book. The shortest is only 173 pages (Every Heart a Doorway) and the longest 208 (Come Tumbling Down). 

A Dance with Dragons is 1,125 pages long, by the way. Left unchecked, writers can and will go on and on and on forever and ever and ever and ever and ever. That you can cram so much detail and backstory into only 200 pages while maintaining a good balance between “tell not show” and “show not tell” writing is phenomenal. And Seanan McGuire has managed it five times! 

I can only ever dream of someday being that good.

There is a downside to these books being so short, though: all of the action feels a bit rushed - if you’re someone who likes to have a metric ton of detail during action sequences, you may be a little disappointed. I, on the other hand, as someone with a tendency to go on and on and on and on forever and ever and ever and ever am just dumbstruck at how anyone can write anything so awesome in less than 400 pages.

My only real complaint regarding Come Tumbling Down is that we’ve gotten so much Jack and Jill in the Wayward Children books, and yet we still don’t know much about Christopher and his adventures in Mariposa, and his Skeleton Girl. Or Kade and his adventures with the Goblins or Cora and her time as a mermaid. Maybe they’ll be the focus of subsequent books? *fingers crossed.* In all, if you’re a fan of the series, you’ll love Come Tumbling Down. If you’re not a fan of the series...what are you doing? Go read Every Heart a Doorway. Now!

RECOMMENDED FOR: Everyone. Just. Everyone needs to read the Wayward Children books.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: People not fond of fantasy, especially portal fantasies, brevity, short books, you know:

RELEASE DATE: January 7, 2020

RATING: 5/5

TOTALLY UNBIASED FANGIRL RATING: 5,000,000,000,000/5

YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN RATING:

ANTICIPATION LEVEL FOR NEXT BOOK IN THE SERIES: Olympus Mons

[abigail-nicole]

My Bisexual Fantasy Weekend At Comic Con via the Joann’s Sewing Pattern Catalog

It all started innocently enough. I was no newbie to cosplay, and it was my third comic con. But this time, I was fresh out of a breakup, and I had a sexy anime girl outfit, and I was out for the Good Merch. 

Day 1. In the midst of a group of Scoby Doo cosplayers, I saw him: Beach Bum Freddie. 

He lowered his sunglasses and raised an eyebrow at me. I felt my knees go weak. I’d Velma for him. We had an Afternoon Delight and made it back in time for the webcomic panel I had scheduled. 

After the panel, I see her. The Woman. The One. I don’t care that I’m late for the Yuri On Ice movie teaser. (well, I do a little bit). I don’t care about the boba tea line or the middle-aged Goku who’s trying to hit on me. Our eyes lock from across the room. I thrust my half-eaten Pocky box into Goku’s hands and walk away from his mid-sentence. I buy her a drink, and she makes it an entire bottle of whiskey. I’m willing to pay outrageous hotel bar prices for her. After a few more bottles of whiskey, I get down on one knee and propose, knowing in my heart of hearts I will never be good enough for this woman. She drunkenly accepts, because she’s never been married before.  I spend all night devouring her body but make her bring the foam sword to bed. 

The next day I somehow find a Batman who says he can officiate weddings. She waits for me at the end of the aisle, still hungover from the night before. But before I can walk down that carpet…

Oh my god. Oh my god. The lighting person I bribed stupidly shines the spotlight on this Sultry Bedroom Eyes Bitch in the Good Coat, and then my former-bride locks eyes with her. As I’ve assembled a wedding of complete and total strangers, no one realizes it is not me as she walks down the aisle. The two are married by Batman and kiss so passionately that I can’t handle the eroticism. 

At the reception, too horny to breathe, I drag Knock Off Helena Bohnam Carter into the bathroom and get down and dirty. My thirst sated, I look back to my Shining Knight Ex-Bride and her new Sultry Wife with the Good Coat. My mind cleared of hatred by Knock Off Helena’s talented hands, I see how they fit together. I wish them well. I am upset I spent a thousand dollars to have two strangers get married at Comic Con and no one at the reception knows who I am. However, since no one at the reception knows each other, and most people there mistake it for a cosplay event, this is not strange. 

Someone bursts into the scene in a far-too-convincing wire-frame giant-demon costume. Why…why are they heading right for me? I am clutched in the demon claws of this cosplayer, who I am starting to fear may not be a person in cosplay….

But then they burst in. The Sexiest Ghostbusters In Coveralls I could’ve wished for. My heart beats for Always Confused Orange Coverall Man with that face, Perpetually Surprised Brown Coverall Man and his powerful looking gloves, but when No Nonsense Green Coverall woman crosses her arms and stares down the ghost holding me, my heart actually stops. They save me from the ghost in what everyone in the reception thinks is the best-staged cosplay scene ever. Orange Coverall Man catches me when I faux-faint but it is Green Coveralls I lock eyes with as I wake. 

We sneak back up to their hotel room and I don’t ask why they have the Gate Keeper costume. I already know. All three Key Masters work their magic on me and we’re back in time for the official cosplay competition that evening. 

From across the room I spot her. Women with swords. They’ll be the death of me. I kneel on one knee before her, and she asks me to help her with a quest. I would slaughter any beast in Hyrule for her, but what she wants is….to find her missing Link. I’m feeling out the vibes as I spin around each of the 400 Links at Comic Con, but when she finally finds her Link and they lock lips in front of me, ignoring me utterly, I slink away, depressed. That night, alone and unsated, I drink with a Sailor Pluto who lost her friends and a Bakugou who is way too old for the costume.  I go to bed alone. 

It’s now the last day of Comic Con and I’m determined not to strike out. The crowd is thinning out, but in a corner I spy a strangely attractive, yet offputting, group. 

I don’t know what fandom they’re from. I don’t care. They have mai tais. After a quick romp in the sheets, where I have Sunglasses McFace shouting Madoka’s name (not my costume), they re-don their ridiculous suits, dropping me back off on the floor. 

I’m clutching my bag of artist merch, feeling defeated, hungry, and like I probably should go get an STD test. When I round the corner, I see him. 

Oh my god. His eyes pierce me, and he helps me with my bag of merch, our hands touching across a poster of Reigen Arataka. I wanna kiss his big, dumb, stupid, beautiful face, and so I do, dropping that poster of Reigen to the floor. He drops his hand to reach up under that anime girl skirt and we tumble back to his room. He makes me hang the poster above the bed and we both stare at it while I ride him. That night he drives me to the airport, and when I unpack at home I find he’s scribbled his phone number in sharpie across my underwear. Who says you can’t find love at Comic Con, huh? 

[mercuryeet]

Date

I primped my hair in the mirror and stared at my reflection. I couldn’t believe I was actually doing what I was about to do.

“The lipstick looks fine Randa.” Brian called to me from the sofa of my small apartment. He had come over to soothe some pre-date jitters and help me figure out what people wear on dates anyways.

“I don’t like it Brian. I’m taking it off.” I wiped my mouth clean with the back of my wrist. I had never been one for makeup. My mother always told me it was the quickest way to look like a slut. I personally disagree, but I still don’t feel quite right when I wear it.

“Miranda! I thought we agreed it made you look confident.” Brian stood from the couch and went to the kitchen. I followed soon behind him.

“Freddie has enough confidence for the both of us.” I joked.

Brian reached for my upper left cupboard to fetch a cup when the whole door unhinged and bumped him right on the head.

I clapped my hands to my face and gasped “Brian!! I’m so sorry! Are you alright?”

“I just wanted some water.” He laughed. His good attitude eased my heart a little bit. “How much do you pay a month for this dump?”

I sighed “£800.”

“Miranda!?” Brian exclaimed “Why?? This place is literally falling apart. I thought the toilet was going to fall through the floor earlier??”

We both laughed together.

“When Hannah lived with me it was only £400. It wasn’t a bad deal at the time.”

“Come stay with me for a bit. I won’t charge as long as you promise to look after the place when I travel.” Brian offered. I couldn’t possibly burden him like that but it made sense considering my situation.

“I’ll think about it Bri. Thank you.”

Brian reached up again to grab that cup he got beaned in the head for.

“What time are you supposed to meet Fred anyways?”

“I’m not meeting him. He said he would pick me up. Should be right about now actually.”

“Freddie can’t drive?”

Just as the words left his mouth the door buzzer rang. I walked as quickly as I could without breaking my neck in my heels to the door.

“Hello?” I called into the speaker.

“Miranda!! I’m so happy to hear your voice, darling! Should I meet you upstairs or would you like for me to wait at the car?” Freddie spoke loud and clear over the intercom. I could hear the excitement in his voice and it made me a little less nervous to go on this date with him.

“I’ll meet you at the end of the staircase.” I smiled into the intercom.

Brian gave me a thumbs up and a good luck smile. I was suddenly so excited I ran to him and gave him a quick hug before composing myself enough to descend the stairs. As I came around the bend of the staircase Freddie came into view. He was wearing a bright red polo shirt with a white stripe across the front. It was tucked into his pants which of course were a pair of bell bottoms. They really suited him. Not much to my surprise but he also sported a pair of white platform heels.

“Darling I think for once I’ve met someone who looks better than I do.” He held his hand out to me as I reached the last step “You’re a genuine Fox in this little dress.”

Freddie licked his lips and quickly pursed them back in an attempt to hide his teeth.

“Thank you. Brian said you’d like it.”

“A wise man.” Freddie paused and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. “Tonight I have arranged something a little special for you.”

With a hand resting on my back he guided me to the door. Outside sat a black town car, Freddie led me to it and opened the door for me. He slid in after me and gingerly placed an arm around my shoulders.

The driver took off not too long after. Freddie had a smile plastered on his face the entire ride. He was so giddy and excited. It made me feel special and warm.

We soon arrived at what looked like a green house. Inside there were the faint traces of light that danced across the glass walls of the greenhouse.

“We’ve arrived dear.”

Freddie opened the door once the car came to a stop. He held a hand out to me once again and helped me out. I was right. We had arrived at a green house just outside the London botanical garden.

“Freddie, I’ve always wanted to visit this place!” I let myself get excited. I turned to him, only to find myself accidentally pressed against him.

“I thought you’d like it so I pulled a few strings.” He smiled, again quickly covering his teeth.

I smiled up at him. He towered over me more now than he did at his flat. Then he was barefoot and now he is in a higher pair of heels than mine.

“May I?” Freddie reached for my hand and began to lead me towards the open door of the green house. Inside there were all kinds of flowers and plants.

There were even plants hanging from the ceiling.

In the center of the green house there was a table for two set up with a bottle of moscato and a pan of pizza.

“Well darling, it seems that I forgot to send glasses to go with our wine.” Freddie laughed in embarrassment. “But this pizza is from a family restaurant down the street. The woman who runs it is the sweetest and I told her about our date and she insisted on catering.”

Freddie pulled the chair out for me, I sat down as gracefully as possible. Again, trying not to break my ankles.

“Freddie. This is beyond beautiful. Thank you.”

He sat down across from me and held his right hand out. Assuming he wanted me to take it I held mine out for him too, accidentally revealing the red lipstick I had wiped off of my mouth earlier.

“What’s that?” Freddie asked as he rubbed it over with his thumb. “Did you hurt yourself?”

“No it’s red lipstick. Brian tried to get me to wear it but I didn’t like it very much.” I half laughed and averted my eyes. I should have wiped the damn lipstick off before I left.

“That’s adorable. Really. Also Brian doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You look lovely just the way you are.” Freddie was trying so hard to hide his teeth from me. Everytime he smiled he quickly hid it away.

“Why do you hide your smile Freddie?” It was a question I immediately regretted asking.

“My teeth are hideous, dear. I could open cans with these things.”

“Nonsense. There’s nothing wrong with your teeth. In fact they may be one of my favorite features of yours.” I used my free hand to pick up a slice of pizza as I spoke.

“You’re too kind Miranda.” He took his hand back and held the bottle of moscato. “Do you mind drinking from the bottle?”

I sat back and laughed. “Very classy Mr. Mercury. Do you wine and dine all of your women this way?”

“Only the best for you my dear.”

After having devoured a slice of pizza I started to get restless and began tapping my foot. After accidentally smashing one of his toes beneath my heel he looked at me, this time not trying as hard to cover his smile.

“Would you like to go for a walk?” He asked me, taking my hand again.

He stood and I followed.

He led me down the isle of the green house with my fingers laced in his. The flowers were beautiful but all I could think of were the butterflies in my chest. There was an opening that led directly into an outdoor corridor strung with lights. All around us were white roses and vines. It looked like something out of a film.

“This would be a wonderful place to dance. Too bad there’s no radio nearby.” I stood in place. Freddie stood close to me. So close I could smell his cologne at the nape of his neck.

He looked me in the eyes. Our foreheads almost touching. He gently placed one hand on my waist and continued to hold the other.

“We could still dance, darling.”

He closed the gap between us. We were chest to chest and head to head.

“You are my sunshine,” he gulped back a lump in his throat as he began to sing softly into my ear “my only sunshine. You make me happy. When the skies are gray. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take, my sunshine away.”

“I love that song. My mother used to sing it to me.” We moved ever so slightly together in a dancing motion.

Freddie looked at me in the eyes before placing both hands at either side of my face. “Thank you for spending this evening with me Miranda. I hope there will be many more dates after this.”

Before I even knew I What I was doing I decided to press my lips against his. If I didn’t I felt I would explode. His lips were soft like summer rain and his eyelashes tickled mine. I didn’t want to pull away. But I wanted to look him in the eyes one more time.

We pulled away from each other to be met with smiles.

“I would love to have more of these Fred.”

“Kisses or dates?”

He made a small giggle come from my chest.

“Both.”

[hoogiehowser]

MEDIA DIARY JANUARY

:::::::::: MOVIES ::::::::::

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018) I liked this so much I ended up seeing it twice. The animation is on a whole different level from everything else in theaters I just can’t believe it. Nothing has immediately endeared me to a character more that when Miles gets to the place where he’s going to put up graffiti and yells “BROOKLYN!” to get the echo. Absolutely perfect. 

Happy Death Day (2017) The trailer looked good but the trailer for the sequel looked even better. Good time repeating movie. Way better than Blood Punch. I’m excited to see more of this.

Alien: Covenant (2017) Had no clue what to expect going in but I actually dug it. It’s just Alien again like every Alien movie but what they do with David from Prometheus makes it really interesting. There’s also some straight up slasher movie sleaze that definitely appeals to me.

MacGruber (2010) It’s just a bunch of dick jokes while a bad action movie happens. There’s no clever spin to it.

Better Luck Tomorrow (2002) Wanted to watch this due to the Fast & Furious connection. It’s a great movie about overachievers and getting away with shit. I think Justin Lin is a great director and his unique voice benefits every movie he does.

Collateral (2004) I didn’t realize until the credits that this was a Michael Mann movie but it was so obvious in hindsight. The premise is simple, Tom Cruise and Jamie Foxx are great, and everything comes together in a genuinely cool film.

Wilson (2017) Based on a comic I don’t particularly like from Dan Clowes’ grumpy old man phase. The cool thing about the comic is that each page works on its own and has a different art style. The movie can’t do that. But it’s still faithful to the book which means it feels like a series of one page gags strung together until it finishes. Woody and Laura Dern are great though and it is pretty funny at times.

Blumhouse’s Truth or Dare (2018) There was another truth or dare based horror movie a year before that was a Syfy original. The Syfy one is better. The problem with them both is the supernatural contrivances that make people play truth or dare against their will. It’s such a strained premise.

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017) Guy Ritchie made a King Arthur movie and it feels exactly like you’d expect. 

Thoroughbreds (2017) Girl who can’t feel emotions befriends girl who is very politely hiding her extreme emotions. Things get bad when they start to think about murder. Anton Yelchin plays a druggie scumbag loser. It’s such a good movie. 100% my kind of thing.

:::::::::: TV ::::::::::

The Great British Baking Show (Beginnings, Collections 1-4) Got addicted to this one. I love cooking competitions shows and pleasant ones are usually the best. I like seeing competitors that like each other. I like Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry not trying to tear people down. I love Mel and Sue. It’s just a nice show for the nice people.

Toei Spider-Man (Episodes 1-5) I’m not a big toku guy but Spider-Verse got me curious about various Spider-Men. Takuya Yamashiro wasn’t bitten by a radioactive spider, he was injected with blood from the last survivor of Planet Spider and carries out a mission against Professor Monster’s Iron Cross Army to avenge Planet Spider and his own father. Next to nothing present from the classic Lee/Ditko Spider-Man and that’s totally alright. I’m going to try to watch more because the episode where Spider-Man has to donate his blood to hurt child has some serious heart.

The Prisoner (Episodes 7-17) I started watching this a while ago but only now got around to finishing. Mostly super clever plots and the atmosphere is always great. Patrick McGoohan sells it every single time. Some of the later episodes go really off the rails though. There’s an entire wild west episode. Nothing in this stretch tops my favorite episode, The Schizoid Man, where Number Two brainwashes Number Six to act differently and then forces Number Six to pretend to be Number Six while a different man is already pretending to be Number Six. The ending is solid though and carries a really good tv series to a confusing, surreal end.

Cutthroat Kitchen (Season 7, Episodes 1-7) Polar opposite of The Great British Baking Show. It’s the Mario Kart of cooking competition shows. Everyone tries to fuck each other over and Alton laughs at them the entire time. It’s brilliant.

:::::::::: PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING ::::::::::

TJPW Tokyo Joshi Pro ‘19 (January 4) I don’t follow TJPW and don’t know any of their wrestlers besides Meiko Satomura but I watched this because it was on before Wrestle Kingdom. Meiko vs Reika Saiki definitely made the show worth watching and the rest was pretty alright. Lots of fun, new personalities that I like.

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 13 (January 4) Probably the most I’ve looked forward to a show and it absolutely delivered. For the past few years I’d watch WK and recommended matches but in in July I started following everything NJPW. That added investment made this WK special. Ibushi/Ospreay tore it up and I really hope Ibushi recovers soon. Jay White/Okada shocked me. Naito/Jericho was fucking brutal. And Kenny Omega vs Hiroshi Tanahashi was a match I was so invested in that I thought I was going to cry. If you haven’t checked out New Japan yet this show would make an excellent start. GO ACE!

Impact Homecoming (January 6) Impact has gotten pretty good. I’ve only seen a few of their most recent ppvs but it’s obvious that they have a wealth of talent and they’re willing to tell the kind of dumb stories that I really like. Since Homecoming was in Nashville I went and it was one of the best shows I’ve been to. The energy was insane all night and LAX vs Lucha Bros has to be the best match I’ve seen live. Now that they air on Twitch I’ve been following the weekly show and enjoying it quite a bit.

WWE Royal Rumble (January 27) I always love the rumble but the rumble was weird. Both rumble matches were okay but filled with dumb stuff and way too many recovery spots that were immediately deflated by the person getting eliminated. I like the winners. AJ/Daniel didn’t deliver like I wanted. Sasha and Ronda had a good match. I loved how Finn Balor worked Brock Lesnar’s diverticulitis. Fun show.

NXT UK Takeover Blackpool (January 12) NXT UK doesn’t really grip me aside from the women’s division. I liked this well enough but nothing really changed my mind. Finn Balor made a surprise appearance and he looked like such a star compared to everyone else. Excited to see what WALTER can do here though.

GCW 400 Degreez (January 12) GCW’s brand of hardcore indie nonsense is my absolute favorite. 400 Degreez isn’t the best they’ve done but it was full of disgusting beautiful deathmatch bullshit. Markus Crane vs Nate Webb especially.

NXT Takeover Phoenix (January 26) Takeover always delivers. Johnny Gargano vs Ricochet was definitely the match of the night. I don’t dig the War Raiders schtick but their match was great. Bianca Belair and Shayna Baszler also killed it.

:::::::::: COMICS ::::::::::

One Piece by Eiichiro Oda (Volumes 1-10) I wanted something long to start reading so why not One Piece? Enjoying it so far. I like getting the crew together and Usopp’s story in particular is great. Oda is a master cartoonist. I love every time we get reaction faces.

Spider-Man: Fever by Brendan McCarthy Spider-Man fever got me wanting to revisit Spider-Man: Fever because I remember liking it. I still like it. Doctor Strange accidentally opens a doorway into a spider dimension and Spider-Man gets caught in Doctor Strange’s bathtub and the alternate dimension spiders take him. All this and McCarthy’s art make Fever pretty far out. 

Spider-Man 2099 by Peter David, Kelley Jones, and Rick Leonardi (1-15) Miguel O’Hara wasn’t bitten by a radioactive spider, he had Peter Parker’s DNA put into him by weird future DNA machine and he wages war against the gigantic corporations that control everything. I like Spider-Man 2099. Miguel is so different from the Peter Parker archetype and he’s got claws and fangs. He’s brutal. It’s got a neat post-hero future kind of like Batman Beyond. I stopped reading because the next part is a crossover with Punisher 2099, Ravage 2099, Doom 2099, and X-Men 2099. I’ll hopefully pick it back up because I want to know what happens with the hologram that’s in love with Miguel. 

Spider-Man by Kazumasa Hirai & Ryoichi Ikegami Yu Komori was bitten by a radioactive spider and he definitely wishes he wasn’t. It starts off a lot like our usual Spider-Man but the villains are so much more tragic and Yu deals with some heavy shit. Ikegami’s art evolves from cartoony to serious as the tone of the book changes. He’s a really incredible artist who is consistently pulling neat tricks and trying new things. I really liked this and it may top my favorite Spider-Man comics. It’s just so bleak and unforgiving to poor Yu. By the way, the final plotline is exactly the same as the Sonny Chiba movie Wolf Guy. Turns out the comic that movie was based on was written by the same guy that write Spider-Man. An odd find.

:::::::::: VIDEOGAMES ::::::::::

Axiom Verge Had my eye on this for a long time and finally picked it up on sale on my Switch. It’s okay. There are a lot of clever ideas here that I don’t think work for me. But I do like the decorrupter and the teleport. Some of the movement feels great but some stuff like the grappling hook feels awful. I hate the story. Completely incoherent sci-fi nonsense. But it’s a fun game and I enjoyed my time with it.

Hollow Knight I’ve spent about 30 hours on this game and I feel like I’m close to the end of the story. I absolutely love it. The movement, the combat, and the exploration all feel excellent. I’ve played over ten metroidvanias in the past year (I really like them) and this might be the best. My favorite part about them is how you’re almost never wasting time because there are new secrets to discover all across the map and Hollow Knight does such a good job with that.

[virmillion]

And They Were Roommates

i know i said hiatus but i crapped this out in one go in my phone notes app and it’s not edited but i mean,, i think it’s funny and that’s what matters,,,,, right?

words: 1551

warnings: some swears, sarcastic first person author

Roman stretches his legs out, flexing his feet and pushing his hands into his thighs. “This plane,” he announces, “is too damn crowded, and I am too damn long.” Beside him, Logan stirs, dropping his fancy schmancy neck support pillow on the ground. “That floor is too damn dirty.” Logan swats Roman’s arm and retrieves the pillow with a sigh. “You are too damn violent.”

“I could very easily leave you at the airport,” Logan says. His eyes leverage themselves somewhere around Roman’s nose, crossed enough to be out of focus. “Where did you put my glasses?”

Roman definitely doesn’t scoop the glasses (that he stole) out of his bag (that used to be Logan’s), and he definitely doesn’t place them upside down on Logan’s face (which looks remarkably angry right now). “There ya go, buddy!”

“Fix them.”

Roman definitely doesn’t let a few more curse words peter out in varying languages (that he learned from Logan’s textbooks (that he also stole)). Like the true and kind friend he is, he readjusts the glasses so Logan no longer has to squint, and can instead glare comfortably at Roman.

“This is your captain speaking, please note the seatbelt lights have been turned on. Kindly take your seats for the remainder of this flight, return your trays to their locked position, and buckle up. Thank you for riding with—”

“DEMON!”

“—airlines.”

Logan huffs another sigh at Roman for his outburst. “Was that really necessary?”

“If John Mulaney doesn’t like them, neither do I,” Roman says, heartily ignoring the miffed looks on the faces of the people surrounding him. “Better out than in, I always say.”

“First of all, that’s not even a relevant quote, and second, Shrek? Really?” Nudging his glasses higher on his nose, Logan sets about tucking everything into his carry on bag. With a considerable jolt to the plane, the neck pillow goes flying (in the plane that’s already flying (flying squared (flared))).

By the time the plane finally scrapes onto the track at the airport, Logan is remarkably close to punching Roman (not that he hasn’t already). “What is going on with you today? You don’t typically act this strange on flights, in my experience.”

“I also don’t typically have to meet my roommate after exiting said flight. We all have feelings, Logan, so get used to it.” Roman tugs his suitcase from the baggage claim, flippantly swinging it over his head with (pretty much no) consideration for his fellow humans. (Whether a few middle fingers raise to greet him is TBD (totally believable dude.))

“This Angel character sounded perfectly fine over the computer. I doubt you’ll encounter any problems, and even if you do, I’ll be there as a buffer.” Logan puts a little more care into grabbing his own luggage, trailing Roman into the streets. “If anything, you ought to consider yourself lucky for finding someone seemingly normal in a creative major.”

“What’s your beef with writing majors? Do they get all up in your grill?” To say this earns a smack from Logan is an understatement (but detailing exactly how pink the resulting handprint is might get this story flagged (gotta keep it safe for the kiddos, you know)).

“Just keep moving, I’ll make sure we don’t get lost.”

The reds and yellows of the trees pepper the sky like so many fireworks, slicing interruptions through the cloudless field of blue. Roman grins, rolling his shoulders forward to hitch his hoodie higher up (which he definitely didn’t buy online (with patches to match his school mascot and colors (because that would be nerdy))). With the barely-there breeze trumpeting autumn’s arrival, he can almost smell the crisp bite of chilled apples in woven baskets (he spends a lot of time at cider mills). Logan allows himself the smallest trace of a smile at how much Roman seems to enjoy himself, soaking up what little sun there is. At the sight of his soon-to-be campus looming a few blocks ahead, Roman lets out a whoop (which may or may not annoy the little old ladies near him (with their little yapping dogs (that have little sparkling bows (that still don’t outshine Roman’s little sparkling awe)))).

“Look, Logan, there it is! There’s the prison that I’m gonna inhabit of my own volition, where I’ll have a roommate that might pour whipped cream on my pants or put warm water on my hand! The possibilities are endless!”

Deciding to ignore the not-quite-correct pranks Roman’s dreamed up, Logan grabs his friend by the hand and yanks him back from the crosswalk. The little old ladies with their little yapping dogs snicker as a pickup truck tears through the traffic light, honking the whole way. Roman offers them his best award-winning smile, blissfully unaware of the bits of chocolate smeared over his teeth (not to mention the frappucino stains on his upper lip (of which there are many (Roman hasn’t brushed his teeth in a while))).

“—on the sixth floor, which really sucks because I was so close to having the devil’s number, you know? Would’ve been awesome, shoulda coulda woulda, yeah?”

Once Logan finally catches up to Roman (who definitely didn’t sprint through the next two traffic stops (or to the front desk (where he definitely didn’t hassle the lady (who is now pleading with her eyes at Logan (who wants no part of this))))), he slings his carry on bag to the floor with a grunt. “You could’ve waited for me.”

“I could’ve done a lot of things, just like I was telling Alice—”

“Lisa.”

“—Lisa here, because there’s just never enough time, you know?”

Logan slips a five over the counter to the tired lady, who accepts it with a nod. “Just get him to his room and we’ll call it a day.”

“Thank you so much, I’ll get right on that. Roman, if you don’t sling your butt up those stairs right this second, I will personally ensure that Angel defenestrates you.” (Roman thinks that defenestration is the act of tearing down rainforests (Logan has never bothered to correct him (he finds this hilarious (Roman does not)))).

Having sprinted to the top of the stairs, Roman easily beats Logan to the room, feeling remarkably similar to a king in his wonder at swiping a card to open a door (he’s not actually a king (but you knew that (his last name is Andrews (which you didn’t know (I didn’t even know that until writing this (I made it up for shits and giggles)))))). The two bunks, which are spaced as far apart as possible, border a room on the edge of chaos (or glory (which one it is depends on your perspective (and on your knowledge of catchy songs from the twenty first century))). The one closest to the window proudly displays a collection of purple and black blankets, as well as an absurd amount of pillows (anywhere from ten to ninety (take your pick (it’s probably closer to ninety))). Nestled in the mountain of cushions is a lanky boy, who lets out a wholly disgusted grown as Roman walks in.

“I cannot believe my luck. Roman, you walking piece of literal human garbage, I’m supposed to be rooming with someone named Philip.” The boy shoves himself off the bed, revealing a second boy underneath. “See, Patton, I told you I had a bad feeling about this.”

“Virgin? The man himself, I can’t believe it! You signed up with a fake name, too?”

Logan sighs as the second person (Patton, evidently) unfolds themselves from Pillow Mountain. “Care to explain?”

“Both of our friends signed up with abstract nicknames for some reason. Pretty funny, if you ask me.” (Logan didn’t ask him (okay, technically he did, but not about whether it was funny (he only wanted the facts (he did not get ‘only the facts.’))))

(This is the part where I, the author, am supposed to elaborate on the goofy hijinks that ensue (I don’t really feel like doing that (so just pretend I did and move on (long story short, Virgil and Roman were childhood friends that grew apart and met back up.))))

“Well, I guess I’ll see you on my next vacation, then?” Patton wraps Virgil in a tight hug (but not the other way around (because I don’t want to get bashed for writing people out of character)) before slipping out the door with Logan in tow. Roman turns to Virgil in their now-empty room, surrounded by boxes to be unpacked.

“I cannot believe we both lied about our names and ended up rooming together,” Roman says, sitting on his suitcase. “That is wild.”

“Right, and it’s definitely not fate. Don’t even get started with that fate nonsense on me, because I won’t have any of it.” Virgil pulls an appropriately moody pout and leans on the window, staring forlornly at the night sky (because that’s all he seems to do anymore (just give him something to brood over and that’s Virgil, let’s be honest (because I don’t feel like tossing in another nonsensical problem to be solved with romance here))).

“And it’s definitely not fate that brought us back together when our last game of tag ended with me being 'it’.”

Virgil whips his head around. “You wouldn’t dare.”

Roman cocks an eyebrow. “Try me.”

———-

Taglist:

@sakurahayasaki @erlenmeyertrash @lemonpepperpizza @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @milomeepit @leesacrakon @virgilmood @mollycassmith @zerogettie @five-hour-anxiety @ashrain5 @allthemetalsoftherainbow @faacethefacts @rileyfirstname @sassy-in-glasses @virgil-has-a-houseplant @redundant-statements-for-400 @zennyo @extremistwateragenda @breloomings @jamthefan @narniasfinestavengingsociopath @crownswriter123

[wordsinwinters]

Then Again, P14  Peter Parker x Reader

Author’s Note:

Hello, everyone! It’s been such a busy week I can’t think of much that I need to add here except my eternal thanks you’s. Thank you guys so, so, so much for your comments, messages, asks, favorites, and reblogs! I’m always so geeked to see what you guys have to say, it really means the world :)

Technically this weekend is a double update! Although, admittedly, the next part is going to be crazy short, like between 300-400 words. :(

Also, there will be another note at the end of this to ask for some music recommendations (I’ll explain it further), so if anyone takes me up on that, thank you again!

***Warnings: Penis. (I feel like there’s a better way to phrase this yet here we are  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 15

Without further ado,

Then Again, Part 14:

(Words: 1,234)

POSSIBLE CONSEQUENCES OF THE “CUDDLE SITUATION” OF LAST NIGHT (ALSO KNOWN AS REASONS I SHOULD NEVER LISTEN TO MYSELF AGAIN):

I wake up with half of my body clinging to Peter’s shirtless self.

I ruin - irrefutably demolish - my commitment to get over my crush, like I’m some sort of Peter Parker addict and this is an enormous relapse.

I wake up before my alarm because his boner is digging into my left leg.

My practical, analytical side is punching my who cares anymore? side into oblivion because all of those things are really, absolutely happening right now. And I’m kind of freaking out since I’m the sole person to blame.

On his back, Peter sleeps with his entire right hand wound within my hair. My head rests on his chest, my arm hugging his middle, my leg still between his. His... um, Penis Parker is way too... prevalent. God, the last thing I need to think about right now is Flash.

I’ve gone too quickly from dead asleep to wide awake. It’s dizzying. I can feel the blood rushing in waves through my ears.

The alarm clock on the nightstand says 5:38 a.m., its glow just barely illuminating the room enough to make out shadows. I move my head slowly to look up. Peter’s face is the only thing I can really see in any detail, yet even though his expression is calm and still, it’s sending my stomach into somersaults, given our positions. Focus. Today is about the competition, not Peter. You need to be prepared.

I need to get up and take a shower, even if I go back to sleep. (And I really should, if I want my brain to function even slightly.)

I shift my arm slowly, retracting it like a chameleon from a National Geographic episode of Life. It takes a minute. Once it’s safely back on me and not on him, I try my leg next. I can’t believe I let any of this happen. Penis Parker. Oh my god. If things go back to normal, when is too soon to joke about this? Would he be awkward about it if I told Michelle and Ned? Of course he would. It’s Peter. He’d be mortified. A thousand other thoughts sprinting through my brain, this particular effort takes more time. Not to mention, the further I move my leg, the more off balanced I’m becoming. At least his trunks are dry now; their dampness had been uncomfortable last night.

As my leg slips off of his, he grunts, twitching slightly. My eyes flash up. Still sleeping. I let out a silent sigh.

All I need to do is slide his hand out of my hair and sneak my head off of his chest. It might be easier if all of my weight wasn’t balanced on one side of my body. Nevertheless, it can’t be that hard. God, I won’t be able to say “hard” with a straight face for weeks.

I reach just behind my ear to find his hand. Gingerly, I lift it while I ease my head out from underneath. My hair catches some, but I shift my fingers until it falls from his. Perfect. I set his hand back down, on his chest.

Before I can roll over to exit the bed, my vision of the alarm clock is obstructed by a sudden, heavy shadow.

“Wait,” Peter says, voice thick with sleep as he rolls on top of me, arms latched with an iron grip around my middle. “I can’t figure out the code ‘cause it’s just, like, so ughhh, you know? It’s the sleep. Jus-just makes sense. Promotion for the... the, uh, future of Parker Industries. Right.”

As he slurs nonsense into the crook of my neck and shoulder, he moves the rest of his body like a child trying to get comfy in their blankets, his torso squirming against mine frozen beneath him. His words half-pressed into the skin of my collarbone send shivers through my spine and I fight an almost-squeak rising in my throat. I might have more time to process this, how absurdly good it might feel, but his weight is literally crushing the air from my lungs and I don’t even want to explain where certain parts of him are on me.

I try to wiggle out from under him to catch my breath, my hands pulling at the bedsheets as I struggle.

But I can’t move. He’s too heavy. Anxiety floods and washes through my bones.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I really can’t breathe.

Images of Ross Geller and Chandler Bing pop into my head, blaring like panic alarms.

Hug and Roll. Hug and Roll. Hug and Roll.

I mirror Peter’s embrace and wrap my arms around him as tightly as possible. I squeeze and roll.

Not enough.

I don’t get more than halfway, a half gasp of air, before my back hits the bed again, his weight shoving each of my ribs downward into each other. Peter merely tightens his grip and nuzzles his face into my hair, muttering something about Happy Hogan and shampoo.

Come on, come on. Do it. Get yourself out. Hug and Roll. Just do it.

This time, I put all my strength into it.

Fuck. Almost.

The fall backward hits even harder this time. Peter clings tighter still and my lungs might as well be deflated plastic bags. Shit, I might actually pass out in another ten seconds. My vision is darkening. I can’t see the alarm clock anymore.

I jam my foot hard into the mattress and roll our bodies to the right before using the momentum to roll sharply left, scrambling so both of my feet dig into the bed, one nearly tripping over the other.

Yes!

I gasp, nearly choking and almost not caring if the sound wakes him up.

We’re on the other side of the bed - thank God - and I’m on top of Peter.

Relief melts my posture, the former strain in my neck and back fading out. I rest my forehead against his shoulder, eyes closed tight.

After a dozen full, deep breaths, I move to get up.

I can’t.

Peter’s arms are still locked around me. The grip is looser at least, and I can breathe perfectly fine, but I know my chances of breaking his super grip are slimmer than slim.

Shit.

The jabbing in my hip is growing more and more frustrating each moment. If he wakes up like this… we may never speak again, even if we forgive each other for last night. I can already picture it: Peter would drown himself in embarrassment, sputtering apologies as his face turns a thousand shades of red. I’d like to spare both of us from that. If possible, I’d like to avoid any more unnecessary stress between us. I need things to be normal with Peter… and this is not normal for us.

“Nah, man,” Peter’s mumbling next to my ear. “Mr. S is chill, no worries. Like a dad. Keep it on the D.L. and no problema, partner.”

If we were on stabler terms, I might try to reach my phone to record this. His retainers are making him sound like a drunk college boy. His skin is so warm. His breath is tingling the side of my neck, my toes curling in reponse.

Maybe… maybe I’ll just rest my eyes for a couple minutes.

Part 15

Next update: Tomorrow, Nov. 25

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think :)

*As for the music that I mentioned earlier, I don’t want to spoil anything, but there’s going to be a scene where Peter will need a playlist of music.

I’ve been scouting songs that would fit his music taste from the movie, but I haven’t had much time. If you guys have any suggestions, I would really, really, really appreciate them! I’ll probably use a bunch of songs from the movie soundtrack, so those are the kind I’m looking for, though modern songs are great too! They’ll need to be upbeat, in the theme of Prom, but also a couple slower ones are needed as well. Oh dear, I’ve said too much :)

But please, if you have any in mind, I would love to hear them! (So far, my list is super short.) Additionally, I might make this into a real playlist on Spotify or 8Tracks if you guys are interested, so if you are, let me know!

- Jane

Tag List: If you’d like to be tagged, send me a(n) ask/message or repy to this post!

If I missed anyone in the tags or if yours isn’t working, let me know :)

Tagged: @breebree1198 @idontlooklikereginageorge @stumb1ing @bit-bot0711 @giggle-nova @justthatshortlittlenerd @jriles124 @avzuzu @5-seconds-of-sarcasmm @melonmochi @britdiandra @gotnotfeature @theconscientiouswriter @happysynonym @the-redthread @strangerwesley @i-love-superhero @livluvspiderboy @ohgloryy @nicunt @pxrrished @shugr12110629 @realitykilledtheteen @look-how-far-i-come @beardedsteveslut @abigail-1998 @thehanneloner @lionfart @tmrhollandkay @evanhansenisahufflepuff @tryn25 @slythergirlimagines @twentyjuanpancakes @hollandorks @peterparkerismybeing @littlekay15 @caitlyn-blackwell @hi-mishamigos @anxiousteengeek @twentychemicalpanics @profmmcgonagall @eversweet-imagines @tom-newsie-holland 

[heartbreakhotelscience-blog]

May 14th 2018

Medications

Morning medications are 1200 mg fish oil, 60 mg duloxitine, 20 mg omeprazole, 400 mg gabapentin, 1800 IU vit D, 600 mg Ca, and 250 mg Mg. I’m out of methylfolate 9 days now. 

Night medications are 400 mg quitiapine, 20 mg nortryptaline, 750 mg depakote, and 20 mg Atorvastatin started taking this earlier in the evening, around 8pm. Still freaking out at night, unable to sleep and constantly wondering if scroses will appear in these final days she will know where to find me. 

Feelings:

It smells like sandalwood, orange, and cinnamon in the apartment. I’ve no idea why, except for the orange part, I must have averaged 3 oranges a day for the last 8 days. It brings a half smile to my face and then before I can blink an eye there is the burring self hatred hotter than a thousand super novas in Hades. The self loathing of the Ronin. The emptiness of life with the knowledge I have of myself. This apartment failed to become a home, because I failed to treat the woman I loved more than my own life the way she deserves and wanted to be treated. I was not good enough. I hate who I am for that, and I hate that I held that power she had over me until the last day we were together. That fateful last day where the previous months building psychopathy went unnoticed by her and me, finally exploding in an emotional eruption that left everything devastated, destroyed, pillaged, and only fixable with the efforts of both parties. 

Anger has been with me today. It even came out at work in a context it shouldn’t have. Whatever, it wasn’t that big of a slip and I think its understandable given the source. Still I should have bit my tong. I have this strange anger that I know I should direct at scroses, but instead I just get angry with myself. I’ve been irritated, vexed, confused, befuddled, and suprised by the things she used to say and write, but I’ve never been angry with her. There was one time on the phone the day after I had surgery where she wanted something from me I couldn’t figure out, but that was long ago and barely slowed out passion for each other. 

Very lonely, I find myself putting down a book I want to read, just to put on a TV show so I don’t feel so alone. I wish I had picked up a book more often when scroses and I were together. 

Thoughts:

If gravity really is the 3D field that we call space, we assume two atoms of Uranium235 can be pressurized to critical mass, and the intersection of the resulting electromagnetic pulses from four of these could be at a location with spherical symmetry, would planks constant remain electromagnetically stable?

Shop told me a bunch of lies. They wanted to do $3000 of work on the car. I told them to just do the oil change. First, they wanted to replace head gaskets that are fine. Second, they want to replace an entire axel just to fix an oil leak in the boot. I swear if you want something done right, you just have to fucking do it yourself. I’m no mechanic so I’ll probably run it through an expensive car wash and get a second opinion.

I still catch myself eyeballing that turpentine daily. It leads me to wonder if I was not going to kill myself and actually had the capacity to move on, would that have made scroses jealous enough to want me back. I wonder if she even realizes that the likelihood and plan for my suicide stretches through years before I met her. Yes, I fell for her way before we got together, that initial rejection stung, but this one is the final toxin in a long line of struggle, pain, oppression, being ignored, and discriminated against. I mean seriously what is the point of living if every day you have to be careful to behave in a way that is perceived as normal with a weekly reminder in person that you are not, and a daily stack of pills to turn you into someone society finds acceptable. The pills and the therapy help with communication, or at least they seem to because I can hold a job and keep a household running, but without intimacy, without happiness, and with constant undermining uncertainty; I’m quite certain I will be alone in life, and dying on a bathroom floor someday. I know myslef better than anyone else, and I can’t keep track of who I am anymore because of all this nonsense. I suppose I could fuck the weird neighbor girl that keeps coming onto me, but I don’t want to. 

Sleep:

I slept ok last night. I may have had a nightmare,but I fell asleep with netflix playing NCIS all night, that was probably all it was.

Schedule:

48 hour no tobacco. 

2 runs in 2 days

11 days until a day off

7 days until move can likely comence

 Social life

[toomuchtimenerd]

Review for ‘The Unhoneymooners’ by Christina Lauren

Admittedly I ended up reading this book much quicker than I expected. Perhaps it was the fact that I was desperate to make myself forget I had ever read The Cruel Prince, or maybe I just needed some light reading to make myself feel like I was 15 years old again and reading my very first book on kindle: On the Island by Tracey Garvis Graves. Perhaps a bit of both. Regardless, The Unhoneymooners was a delightful book that flew by so quickly despite being around 400 pages. I think I needed something super lighthearted and contemporary to temporarily draw my mind away from high fantasy. I love fantasy, I really do and my entire folder of drafts for fantasy stories that I’ve brainstormed over the last several years is proof of my love for fantasy. But sometimes it’s still nice to get away and read something about nonmagical people in a nonmagical world surrounded by nonmagical things. This book did just that for me, and the fact that it’s mostly set in Maui pulls at my heartstrings a little because my first vacation with my boyfriend was actually in Maui too. What a happy coincidence.

Even though this book didn’t stir a lot of great, wild emotions within me the same way a lot of YA fantasy tends to, I’d still like to comment on some parts that I liked (which was a lot) and a few parts that were kinda ‘meh’ with me. This review is probably going to be a lot shorter than what I’ve written before, but that’s okay. 

The Unhoneymooners is about a 30-something-year-old Latina named Olive who narrates the entire story with the exception of the epilogue (which is narrated by the male love interest). Some background on Olive: she’s supposedly incredibly unlucky and unfortunate in life... almost like somehow all her luck has been sucked dry by her twin sister Ami. Ami’s the one who wins all the jackpots for random stuff in life, so much so that she managed to snag enough jackpots to plan a dream wedding and a free honeymoon for the price of only around $1000. As someone who also proclaims herself to be somewhat pretty unlucky in life, I relate to Olive pretty hard. I used to not be a pessimist, but whenever I look back on some of the stuff that has happened in my life that were TOTALLY out of my control I can’t help but chuckle and be like “wow my life is pretty darn unlucky sometimes”. Now it’s just easier for me to deal with certain things if I don’t get my hopes too high up beforehand. But enough about me. 

The story starts with Ami’s wedding, and unfortunately the jackpot she won for a free luxury shellfish catering at her wedding goes completely awry and almost everyone gets serious food poisoning. All except for our lovely heroine and of course, the love interest. The male lead is Ethan, the older brother of Ami’s new husband and also a guy that Olive does not really like at first. They met about 2-3 years ago, when Ami and Ethan’s brother (Dane) first started going out, and because Olive misinterpreted Ethan’s facial reaction at her eating cheese curds she forever believed that he didn’t like her and she wrote him off as a fat-shamer or something of the sort. Kind of weird, but okay I guess. Ethan’s your typical hottie, also 30-something years old and apparently has the looks of a frat boy (like Dane) but the personality of a homebody semi-dork (unlike Dane). Ethan does something math-related for a living and loves staying at home. He also has a lucky penny. How cute. 

So when everyone’s yacking and having explosive diarrhea all over the place, Olive and Ethan decide to make good use of the free honeymoon to Maui and make an agreement to tolerate each other for the length of their trip. The book very quickly gets juicy, considering a series of events happens and they are essentially forced to put on a constant charade of pretending to be newlyweds. All this pretending wears and tears down their emotional barriers with one another, and next thing you know they’re sharing feels and kisses and tongue action together. We find out that they both shared mutual feelings of attraction when they first met, but Dane had actually warned Ethan to not get involved with Olive due to her penchant for negativity (which stems from the fact that she’s so unlucky in life all the time). At one point at a baseball game or something, Olive goes to get cheese curds and as she’s enjoying her food she stumbles into Ethan who apparently makes a weird face at her and she gets incredibly insecure and feels like he was fat-shaming her. Turns out (and I can’t believe this took over 2 years to reconciliate) he was trying to mask his attraction towards her and avoid her out of respect for Dane. But Olive just assumed the worst, thinking Ethan did not like her and decided to return the feelings with mutual dislike. This alienated Ethan, and obviously who’s going to pursue a girl who’s giving you the vibes that scream ‘stay away from me!! i dont like u!!!’? Not any normal, sane, decent guy. 

Personally, I felt like this backstory between Olive and Ethan was super weird and not the most well fleshed out or even something that remotely makes much sense. I get feeling insecure and I understand not liking someone simply on the basis that you think they don’t like you. But I don’t understand how someone completely misinterprets a facial expression THAT much and then holds it against the other person for THAT long. Heck, I’m absolutely one to hold grudges against people but even I don’t think I’d hold a grudge for that long over something like that. But hey, this whole book is meant to be comedy fluff so I ain’t too bothered by this nonsense backstory. 

I’d say about 70-80% of the book is literally just about the relationship build-up between Olive and Ethan, and the rest is about the shitshow that is Ami and Dane, specifically just Dane. Turns out he’s been cheating on her for the majority of their 3-year relationship, and tbh Ami’s initial reaction to Olive informing her of Dane’s unfaithfulness kind of pissed me off. It’s one thing to not want to believe it, but it’s another to completely disregard it and turn it back on your sister by claiming they’re just trying to sabotage you or something. Thankfully, this whole issue is resolved pretty quickly and Ami’s way of finding the truth out herself was simply magnificent. She texted each of her husband’s side-chicks through his phone, pretending to be him, and had them all come by their house at the same time on the same day just so she can confront Dane and all his flings about his faithfulness. So beautifully done, it almost brings a tear to my eye. 

So in conclusion, The Unhoneymooners was a lighthearted and enjoyable read that truly had me either smiling or silently laughing for maybe a third of the book. The language was great, the chemistry between Olive and Ethan was oh so ooh la la, and way Lauren weaved in the love and support of a big close-knitted (and very dramatic) family was heartwarming. I may try to search for more books like these since light fluff is always much needed to help treat my seasonal depression (thanks January). But I’m always worried about shelling money over a book that ends up reading a little too much like corny fanfiction. For example, I absolutely adored Meg Cabot books when I was in middle school, but now that I’m in my 20s I really don’t think I could read any of her books for more than half an hour. If I tried, I would end up rolling my eyes out of their sockets. Books about a contemporary romance between teenagers seemingly always end up becoming so dramatic, but then again it’s probably because teenagers are incredibly dramatic. I should know this, after all, I definitely was a dramatic teenager. I wish I were being sarcastic. I’m just going to sprinkle some of my favorite quotes from The Unhoneymooners so I can help myself forget about how unnecessarily dramatic I was as a teen.

“I want to say something sassy, but the only coherent thought that comes to mind is how insulting it is that eyelashes like his were wasted on Satan’s Errand Boy...” (Lauren, 2019, Ch.2) 

- TELL ME WHY IS THAT QUOTE SO RELATABLE? WHY ARE BEAUTIFUL LASHES ALWAYS WASTED ON MEN?? MY BOYFRIEND HAS THE MOST STUNNING LASHES EVER MEANWHILE I NEED TO GLUE FALSIES ON MY DAMN EYELIDS JUST TO ACHIEVE HALF OF WHAT HE’S GOT

“I can appreciate my body in a bikini and still want to set fire to the patriarchy.” (Lauren, 2019, Ch.7)

- All I can say is yas preach 

“I am a homebody, through and through, and there’s nothing like being at home.” (Lauren, 2019, Ch.15)

- Also too relatable. I enjoy traveling, I enjoy vacations, I enjoy spending a night out with friends, and I enjoy a good party. But at the end of the day, there’s nothing I enjoy more than my own bed

[poop4u]

New Job, Who Dis?

#Poop4U

Some of you may remember this merry rag tag gang of misfits and the insane woman who runs herself ragged trying to keep up with them.

If you remember us, you probably wonder where the heck we’ve been, and why the radio silence in Blog Land. Well The Food Lady has been real busy, inventing The Hover Dog(tm).

Har har har.

I wish that’s what I was doing. I got a new “actual” job a couple months ago, because as much as I love photography, it does not bring home the bacon for me. Which makes me sad, because I like it a lot. And my new job leaves basically zero time to do it. At all. The hours are disgustingly terrible, the commute is brutal and the job itself hovers (har har har) somewhere between mindnumbingly boring and horrifically horrible with respect to how it’s managed (I mean above me, as I’m the manager). It pokes little holes in the fabric of my animal-welfare-background heart every day. But I have many things to feed, so I drag myself out of bed (sometimes at 3:45AM, sometimes at 6AM, depending which shift I’m on) and go, and I HATE IT WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING.

And speaking of Things, I managed to find a home for this one last week.

Never been so happy to see the backend of a red dog in my life. That puppy plum wore me out with her constant nonsense. She craned her evil giraffe neck over a babygate while I was in the shower and pulled down my favourite Bench jacket and chewed up the zipper, on both sides. It wasn’t even a dog coat, it didn’t even have tasty cookie smells in the pockets. She pissed on my dogs beds and I had to buy all new ones. There is not a blanket in the house without several holes in it. That dog is at LEAST a two person job, so I went to visit her potential home and hopped into my van and drove away while they were (foolishly) oohing and ahhing over her adorableness. SUCKERS!!!

Even my dogs breathed a collective sigh of relief when they realized she wasn’t coming back home with us. The Thing made Maisie look laid back!

Maisie, who will play fetch with literally anything.

Whenever I think of the people who passed on this smart girlie, I hug her just a little more tightly (which she objects to, LOUDLY, because it’s not playing fetch). I am so lucky to have her, she is just oodles of fun, and such a good girl. The other day we were playing ball in the off leash area and her ball (like her Best Dog Ever predecessor Tweed, she has A Ball that she will play with, and if it goes missing, she will not play with another ball without some serious pre-game pouting.)(It’s not the same as playing fetch with Literally Anything, these are two different games) bounced over the fence into a hard-to-reach place.

The off leash area is entirely fenced. The ball bounced over the fence as far away from the gate as possible. She knows she is not allowed to go out the *property* gate on the road (plus it was closed anyway), so damned if my smart girl didn’t go out the gates, run all the way along the outside of the off leash area in the parking lot, bushwhack through the blackberries and then run through the neighbour’s field and find her ball.

Then, like the shining star that she is, she retraced her steps and came back the same way she went and resumed our game of fetch. How brilliant is she? When she was about 7 months old I offered her to Canines for Conservation because she will do anything to find and retrieve her ball and has a work ethic that just won’t quit, but they felt she was too young (they like them 10 months and up). I am so glad they refused her, because my life would be a lot less shiny without her in it. Aside from her ear piercing bark (and her literal ear piercing of Dexter when she chases him down), she is just awesome. I love her so.

She can even get Winter to play with her, and Winter is far too weird and full of social anxiety to play with anyone other than his sister (or maybe she’s not his sister; doG knows the Woo “not-related-even-a-tiny-bit” TWoo fooled us all for years!).

And speaking of the Dastardly Duo…they’re both doing great, given they are old as dirt and I have effectively abandoned them for 11 hours a day in their old age. I bring Dexter and the two Littles to work, the rest of the dogs stay home. We try to play some fetch either before work or after I get home, depending on the shift, but the WooTWoo don’t play fetch, so they find life rather boring these days. So yesterday, my day off, Auntie Michelle and I piled them all in my van and took them to our old stomping grounds where I used to walk dogs, and we spent two hours decompressing in the cranberry fields. This is where Wootie’s resurrected Flamboyance(tm) chose to shine.

Look at that thing! It has fully recovered from its brush with shaving over a year ago thanks to that nasty infection he got. I am so glad to see it again. I am, however, not allowed to touch it still. Woo had gotten cantankerous in his old age and gets all snarly when I try to brush him (which is ironic, because without brushing, he is ALSO all snarly).

TWooie was having a good time too (lots of gross dead things to roll in, apparently) until he snagged and tore his front dew claw (AGAIN. Dog has the most feeble dewies in the world) and had to be carried out to solid ground because the cranberry plants kept snagging on the mangled claw. He was sad. I was also sad, because he’s heavy and super awkward to carry.

But we all needed the exercise and the time out in nature. It was so nice to see my crew running around being deliriously happy. It almost makes me regret giving up the dog walking gig, even though I was dead broke all the time.

This is a photo of Peetie. She’s still dumb as a sack of hammers. However, she was a godsend when we had The Thing…she entertained her for hours at a time, taught her to play tug with toys and wrestled patiently with her when the other dogs were all hiding from the Thing Tornado, even when The Thing got snappy and overstimulated…Peetie is truly awesome with annoying foster puppies.

Dexter is awesome at work … he stays behind a gate on the stairs behind my desk and he lures all of our clients over to pet him through the gate and tell him how handsome he is. He of course cannot hear them, but he knows what they’re saying. He knows how handsome he is.

He has a lump in his back along his spine so we went to visit Dr. Erica to have it checked out as it has recently gotten bigger. She examined it and said “It looks like a cyst. Ooooh, I want to squeeze it so bad!” What is it with you vet/tech types and your all encompassing urge to squeeze fluids out of dog lumps? The techs at the shelter LIVED for that shit too. You’re all disgusting!

Anyway, she did a needle thingie and cytology and it was indeed full of cyst material, but not the gooey kind, so she recommended we leave it alone until he’s under for something else … “like when you get his teeth cleaned!” she said, as she flipped up his lip to look at his teeth. “….or not,” she then said, because his teeth are fantastic (*chuffed*). So lumpy will remain lumpy unless the cyst gets too big to be ignored.

This is also the only photo of Spring you will see in this post, as she was too busy hunting all the imaginary critters out there. She ran so much that she slept all afternoon and evening.

No photos of Fae either, because she was too itty bitty to be seen in the cranberry fields … she was just some hair and floppy ears bouncing in and out of focus.

How come whenever I take a group photo, everyone looks very serious except for Dexter? How come he only has two facial expressions?? (this one and Mad Teeth(tm))

Anyway, it’s my last day off and I have 400 million things to do before work tomorrow, because I have no time to do anything on the days I am working. Maisie says we better get some ball time in before that happens (or any time, ever, why am I not a millionaire so I can spend all my time playing with her etc.)

Tell me what you think I should do for an actual living, because I can’t seem to come up with anything I want to do, and doG knows I don’t want to do what I am doing right now. You are smart peoples, help a sad, grouchy, tired sistah out.

ETA – oh I forgot, I was supposed to add this!

When I had the WooTWoo DNA tested, and learned they weren’t even a teensy bit the same breed(s) make up, they ran a “relatedness” test on them to see if maybe they had, like, same mom but different dad. Turns out they did not. It’s more sciencey than my pithy little grey matter can comprehend, but some of you s-m-r-t people might be interested to learn more about it on their blog post here.

Poop4U Blog via www.Poop4U.com The Food Lady, Khareem Sudlow