#ALSO CUZ TUMBLR FUCKING DELETED EVERYTHING I WROTE THE FIRST TIME

[luminique]

I read through your entire Lighter zzz tag over the last few days bc the brainrot is real, lol. Thanks for the food, and I have some (potential) brainrot for you in return: Girl Dad lighter

I just know that man is sobbing at every milestone she hits. First steps? He gets misty eyed. First word? Literal tears streaming down his face. Bonus points if baby’s first word is about Lighter, i.e. “papa,” or maybe “song,” but she’s pointing at Lighter in a way that makes it obvious she means “strong” but just can’t say it yet. And Overlord help him when she starts learning to drive.

Also, whether she’s bio, step, or adopted, it makes no difference to him, that’s his baby girl either way!!

Anyway, those are (some of) my thoughts, lol.

i watched a vid of a little kitten imitating a golden retriever that had helped raise the kitten and it reminded me of lighter and i remembered this. girl dad lighter is so real and especially with his character theme video where he’s trying to take care of his comrade’s little sister….. this could be seen as a continuation of some sorts to another post of mine here !!

being a dad isn’t easy, not that he thought it would be. it’s physically demanding with how often he has to get up at night to cradle the baby to sleep, or how much he has to entertain her (he is not raising an ipad kid). what he didn’t consider is how emotional he could become over the course of a few years.

he remembers when she took her first steps. carefully crawling around his room, playing around with her toys but particularly close to a small stool he had. “come here, pretty” lighter’s hands were open for his little girl to crawl over to him. his voice was much sweeter and higher pitched, a change that you only hear when he’s talking to her. he initially thought that it would just be another fun play time but didn’t expect what he saw next.

as her small hands gripped the stool’s legs, she pushed herself up and was able to stand on her two feet. okay okay, nothing too surprising there, he thought. she turned around to him and began to take one step, then another, before tripping and falling down. his eyes widened at the sight, not knowing whether to be happy or be worried as he went over to her, coddling her with reassurance. “does it hurt anywhere? it’s okay, daddy’s here.” he gently wiped away her tears before it clicked in his head.

“wait… you just walked. that’s my girl.” chuckling as tears of joy welled up in his eyes. she didn’t quite understand but she saw his smile and laughed too, her own crying beginning to turn into laughter.

her first words were more of a group effort? ever since lighter became a dad, he hung out less during the sons of calydons night time gatherings around the fire. wanting to prioritize her sleep time and stay indoors at night, however the girls were able to convince him to hang out for a bit. they also wanted to see his little girl more then him but they wouldn’t directly admit it.

with the baby on the overlord’s lap, fascinated by caesar’s mechanical arm, she’s blabbering out nonsensical noises. then all of a sudden “dada” and “papa” comes out of her when she’s looking up at him. “d-did she just say papa…?” all of them turned towards the little girl that was grabbing at caesar’s grey-ish green hair.

“can you say burnice? burn like let’s burn this place down!” “burnice! she is NOT learning your name like that!” as the two blonde haired girls fought over the baby’s attention, lighter gently scooped her up into his arms. her happy babbling continued, calling him “dada” in between the incoherent words.

it felt like a dream come true, having her recognize him as her dad. even if not biologically but the sleepless nights, the many mistakes, the never ending crying. the feeling of pride swelled up inside of him, making even the undefeated champion cry. it’s not much now, but he can already see how proud he’ll be when she grows up surrounded by good family that will shower her with all their love.

[hannie-dul-set]

its the girl from ur last ask u replied to I’m not gonna be anonymous cuz whatever idc anymore but

FRRR my friend used to make SKZ fanfics and people would constantly ask her for updates and get annoyed when she wouldn’t reply to asks. Literally she was busy w college, stressed out as fuck and random selfish ass strangers online would send passive aggressive asks all like ohh you haven’t updated in a while. She was lit going thru a lot and people were asking her to write smut?? (She literally said she wasn’t going to write for a while… ) anyways so my point is to anyone who sees this, my friend eventually got so fed up she deleted everything and quit. Do y’all really want hannie’s fics to be deleted? Do u guys WANT to drive her off this platform? If not then shut the fuck up and be greatful that she’s already writing for free. (btw I’m thinking of writing as well, if you have time, how did you start writing? What are some ideas you had? ((Not trying to steal 😭😭 just looking for inspo)) but if you’re busy don’t feel pressured at all to answer this girl ik u been busy)

love ur work girl

literally a lot of people won't get it unless they're on the receiving end of things!!!

anyhow, it's great to hear that ur planning on starting writing!!! me personally started off as a reader as well HAHAHAHHAHA and then decided that i wanted to try it out as well, but wasn't really confident in writing actual words so i tried out social media aus first.

the first few aus i have on here are absolute crap BWAHAHHAHAA i don't really remember how or why i transitioned into writing actual full length fics 😭😭 but my first longfic was also pretty darn bad!!!!!! HAHHAHAHAHAHA.

when i first started writing, most of my ideas were really mostly just cute, plotless scenarios. things that i thought would do well with the tumblr audience. but as the years went by, i started giving less of a fuck with what was marketable and decided to just vomit our whatever dumb/stupid/out of left field ideas that my brain would conjure and decided to roll with it HAHAHAHHAHAHA.

hftb was one of them. i wrote it during a time where the "loser" archetype wasn't really a thing (and wasn't popularized by sunjae BWAHAHAHHAHA) so i thought it would flop but wrote it regardless 😭😭 happy to find out that people ate that shit up anyway!!!!

[omisbreakfast]

i rank every summer outfits from a3! because??

because i can. also fuck you.

the first version of this was deleted by tumblr in my drafts and now i have to re write it entirely and i fucking hate it here... anyways.

i’m biased as fuck

sorry it’s a long post

harugumi :

itaru : yeah no actually it’s pretty fine. ngl itaru is kinda hot when he dress correctly so there’s that. also, he’s often in pink. it suits him, but i don’t like it. still.... cute. but it’s also itaru so not too much praises. 9/10

citron : why.......... the shoes.... what the fuck are those shoes.... where did you even find them..... do you wanna fight or something.... this fills me with rage... you’ve disappointed me, citron... also hate the shirt. 3/10

tsuzuru : casual, soft, classic boy... nothing much to say here. but WHY THE FUCKING HAT??? IT RUINS EVERYTHING...... at least wear it correctly PLEASE. YOU DUMABSS. and the shoes would have been better in another color. i just,,,,, why tsuzuru, why the hat... 4/10

sakuya : i can’t bring myself to say bad things about sakuya. (also the fact that i don’t remember what i wrote before the first version of this post got deleted in my drafts pisses me off) but like,,, he’s cute. i mean it’s a classic outfit. tho the choice of the shirt is questionable as fuck. also HES SO TINY BABY. 6/10

masumi : yeah no actually i like it. i really like the shirt for some reason, it suits him. BUT BUT BUT the pants looks weird as hell LMAO?? like... it makes him looks like a crotch less ken doll??? it’s,,, really weird. also the shoes are.... hmmm.... overall good balance but there’s some weird stuffs going on. 7/10

chikage : garbage boy stink man. fucking looks like a rich white boy coming home from tennis and i fucking hate it here ™ if i’m objective about this it’s actually NOT bad but it loses several points for the sole reason that it’s fucking chikage and i won’t take shit for it. 6/10

natsugumi :

kazunari : why. why do you do this. why. why. how am i supposed to ever learn how to love when you backstab me like this, kaz ? what do we do now ? i trusted you and you betrayed me. i can never find love ever again............ yeah ok. pls let’s skip to the next one.... 2/10 (and two points is because it’s kaz and i just can’t bring myself to truly hate him.)

yuki : it’s not bad but i hate this dress. like. his outfits are usually ok but this? no. YOU LOOK LIKE A GOOD CHRISTIAN BOY, DAMN IT YUKI. are YOU GOING TO CHURCH TO PRAISE THE LORD TODAY TOO? also the colour of it... no. 4/10

tenma : congrats you rich boy you finally have a decent outfit ! though i don’t understand the concept of your zip being infront but ok. bet his stans like it smh. also i like the color of his jacket. very nice. 8/10

muku : baby i love u so much but u look like the pinterest girls who take aesthetic pictures in flowers fields and are smiling like the sun @ the camera.......... which is not per se but it’s a whole vibe. also stop wearing orange. it doesn’t go with your hair well........ ilu cutie. 8/10

misumi : my sweet boy. why are you wearing an hoodie with a jacket. why. it’s summer you idiot. you’ll get overheated. stop. but overall he looks very nice. idk i just think he’s neat......... i. i love u @ misumi. 9/10 (don’t look at me)

kumon : he... he looks like.... a j-j-j*ck..... which he is............... i just........... oh my god. i love kumon but he IS a jock i JUST ???? LALFKGKK. also his fucking shoes makes me lose my mind because this is so fucking bullshit ???? so ugly it hurts my eyes.... he’s lucky he’s a good boy. 4/10

akigumi :

juza : nah he hot as hell in this pass on it. if you’re asking yourself why he looks so good, here’s your answer : his arms. his arms are great. i can excuse his sandales this time cuz IT IS summer but yeah. yeah no he’s cute and- yeah. ok. yeah. hm hm. 9.5/10

taichi : so the thing with taichi is that his style is NOT bad per se but like. he’s a skater boy. so my standards are already very low for him,,,, like no offence i love taichi so much but,,,, that’s how it be.... his shirts are usually so big he looks like a GOD DAMN FLAG i can’t with this. and i don’t like how baggy his pants are but yeah,,,, it’s just a whole look.... anyways................ 6/10

omi : in which yosei boys decided to fucking test my patience by putting on classic, good looking clothes and decided to absolutely ruin my entire hopes and dreams (if i’m being dramatic ? no i am not.) AND their WHOLE outfits adding an useless stupid fucking hat thay doesnt seems even to be worn properly. omi, tsuzuru, you’ll pay for this. 7/10

sakyo : (i’m tired as heck and i almost forgot about sakyo when he’s right in the middle) actually i like this. it’s color coordinated and i think that’s very nice. but i wish his pants would have been a little bit longer. yeah no that’s it for real. also idk what’s about this outfit but he really shows how skinny he really is LMAOOO. shithead sakyo. 8/10

azami : the thing about azami is that usually his upper half is pretty well dressed, or whatever, but when we look at his pants/shoes its where everything goes to shit. Like ???? what the fuck man you could have done so much better if you didn’t decide to put this gigantic pants who looks like you’re gonna fly with it or fucking whatever (i don’t need to make sense i’m TIRED) also his shoes bothers me. can’t believe he’s fucking 15 like shut up. 6/10

banri : ...... *inhales* FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUU. fuck you and your ugly ass little hat and your zombie like haircut i. fucking despise you. if he were standing right infront of me, no he wouldn’t be because he would deck him so hard. YOU HAVE THE MONEY TO BUY CLOTHES AND THE TIME TO TRY AND MAKE IT LOOK GOOD ?? SO WHY???? what’s going on in your ugly ass little head bitch. THANK YOU god he isn’t wearing any animal prints in this, thats one thing. imagine this awful outfit with the ugly shoes and stUPID FUCKING HAT that i hate, with a leopard print shirt.... yeah cursed. i know. sorry banri stans i cant hear you over the sound of your man fishing with joe and bertrand on a sunday morning at 6am. 3/10

fuyugumi :

tasuku : ... idk man. he’s just there. why is... his shoes... so flashy........ bruh...... also he looks like a very straight man and idk how to feel about this. we know u gay bitch. 7/10

hisoka : except for the fucking weird ass pants it’s actually ok. he looks.... very comfy. 10/10 would CUDDLE...... pls hisoka.... i’m tired... fluffy boy..... ugh..... i don’t have much to say about this ok he just.... spare some cuddles. 7/10

actually i like it. well. there’s two things that bothers me. GREEN. DOESN’T. SUIT. HIM. PERIOD. if u think otherwise i’m sorry. it’s just awful with his purple hair (or whatever color it is) imo. and the second..... the square should have been a triangle. i won’t take no’s. 8.5/10

tsumugi : ngl tsumugi gives me little lost boy looking for his mommy vibes. at first i thought it was his outfits but no, it’s just his face. and this ? doesn’t make it better. idk how to explain but how he wears his shirt makes it look like he’s floating and it’s kinda cute in a... special way. he’s just a very sweet boy. 7/10

azuma : i can’t bring myself to even say bad things about azuma... it’s physical. i just can’t. i have a theory his power is that strong and therefore i cannot critizice this beauty. he just. is. ya know........ sigh...... 9/10

guy : if he dresses like this, that’s.... that’s not your man, ladies. that’s your loving, hardworking and dedicated husband who just went to pick some flowers in the prairies next to your little farm in the middle of the nowhere but who’s still paradise on earth cuz it’s the two of you and you couldn’t ask for anything more. deadass. fucking peasants. 4/10

[theladysexpistol]

Aaaaa thank you so much for answering my ask !! Now can we get Bucci gang with the witch ask please ??

Your wish is my command!

I added Trish to this one too 🌹

~~~

I love Mista’s smile in the other one but I really needed one with Giorno

Giorno

- I think less of the Bucci gang will be attracted to witchy based on their aesthetic. 😆 Giorno has kind of a mysterious aura. I think he would have caught the eye of witchy first.

- Giorno is a charmer, too. Gifts of flowers, showing them butterflies and birds and other beautiful living things; dare I say they fall hard and they fall fast for him

- He is also very attentive and observant of others though; especially of his s/o, he’ll notice something is different about them rather quickly

- As Giorno is prone to action, sometimes even to the extreme, he’ll get them to reveal their abilities to him in some extremely over dramatic fashion - maybe he gets himself gravely wounded, knowing he can heal himself with Gold Experience should his hunch be incorrect

- Of course, it isn’t, and his s/o will spring into action to help him, revealing their magic

- Depending on how they react to revealing to him they’re a witch, Giorno will reveal his own abilities only if they aren’t upset about it

- He did also just trick the person he’s supposed to care about most in the world, that’s not exactly something to be proud of

- As far as witches go, he’s not that bothered by it. Frankly, Polpo was weirder than this. Also I don’t remember if Giorno knows his father was a vampire or not, but if he does than a witch is nothing lol

- He can use Gold Experience to create animals and plants for his s/o’s magic, which they are incredibly grateful for

- Absolute power couple, you do not fuck with the boss of Passione and his s/o, or the absolute unit of a dog that seems to be always with them

Bruno

- Witchy definitely approached him. They probably even know who he is, cuz I feel like Bruno is pretty well known in the city. I can see how a witch would absolutely, totally want to get with a member of the Italian mafia.

- Bruno is more affectionate than anyone the witch has ever had in their life. They are completely and utterly charmed by him. At first they even wonder if it was some kind of spell, but no, it’s just Bruno and how charismatic he is.

- Bruno is ashamed of the blood on his hands, and wishes to keep his s/o from that world. Witchy wants to become closer to understand the underworld

- Similar to Risotto, he finds out about his s/o’s identity after he discovers a plot to kidnap them for ransom; he arrives to find a similar scene, the hellhound spitting fire and the witch kicking ass

- He’s mostly quite relieved at first. He doesn’t have to worry about them, because they are clearly capable on their own

- Bruno is a little worried about his s/o, however. He’s protective of those he’s close to after what happened with his father, and he fears if their secret gets out that Passione might want to try and use them

- He will continue to try to keep them out of the gangster life

- He will support them the best he can, and he will dote over them as much as I can see Bruno being extremely doting over any s/o of his

- The hellhound likes him a lot because Bruno respects its power, but is strong enough on his own to protect witchy

Abbacchio

- He is the exception. He is absolutely attracted to witchy at first because of their witchy goth aesthetic.

- Witchy was instantly attracted to him. I mean look at him, he’s literally the ideal goth husband

- You’ve never seen a hotter couple

- The hellhound is not a submissive pet, it only listens to the witch; except when it comes to Abbacchio. It is entirely submissive to Abbacchio

- I kinda have this funny headcanon that Abbacchio was very into the occult when he was younger, and he started getting back into it after his life fell apart but before he met Bruno; so he picks up rather quickly that his s/o is a witch

- He doesn’t bring it up for a long time though, because he didn’t think it was relevant

- It’s just so not a big deal to him that it shocks witchy

Mista

- Also probably was a little attracted because of the witchy goth aesthetic. He thought they were way out of his league, but hit on then anyway

- He was entirely shocked when they flirted back.

- Witchy thought he was extremely cute (I mean who doesn’t??)

- They absolutely love how superstitous Mista is. Superstition goes hand in hand with magic.

- Mista is enjoying his relationship with witchy so much that any indicators of what they are go straight over his head

- When they finally tell him his reaction is about as exaggerated and comical as you can imagine. His eyes practically pop out of his head and he’s yelling to high heaven “WHAT you’re a WITCH?!”

- Witchy probably has to kiss him to shut him up

- Mista thinks it’s really hot and would absolutely be down to be a little guinea pig for them

Narancia

- Narancia was blown away the first time he saw them and was nearly love at first sight

- His earnesty and passion won them over almost instantly as well

- He loves the hellhound and the hellhound loves him

- Thanks to Aerosmith and it’s incredible tracking, Narancia always knows when someone is approaching him

- His s/o notices the pattern immediately, wonders if Narancia has some sort of ability they’ve never come across

- They approach the subject of Narancia’s abilities, to which Narancia explains his Stand to them and they are just very confused

- Narancia gets overexcited and thinks they have a Stand too

- He’s very confused when they say no. So what has he been sending all this time on his radar around them?

- S/o explains what they are and Narancia has a very exaggerated reaction similar to Mista

- He didn’t know witches could exist! Stands are about as weird as he’s seen

- Will become incredibly protective; I mean, he is already, but as soon as the idea that someone might hurt them over their powers comes to his mind, it never leaves

- He and the hellhound have an interesting relationship because they both kind of annoy each other but at the same time respect

- Also is probably okay with being a guinea pig a little for their spells, as long as they give him lots of love and attention afterwards

Fugo

(I’m so mad bcuz Fugo was the one I had completely written out and it was so good and tumblr didnt save it and I totally forgot everything I wrote so it’s just lost to the void forever)

- Witchy approaches Fugo first. He catches their attention one day, and the look in his eyes has them very curious

- Fugo is guarded, immediately suspicious of them approaching him, and wants to determine if they’re a threat to Bucciarati

- Once he recognizes that they aren’t a threat though, his walls come down

- Like Giorno, hes very intelligent and observant. The closer he gets to his s/o, the more he realizes their odd behavior

- Eventually he confronts them and they come clean about being a witch

- Fugo doesn’t believe them at first and kind of gets angry, but he can recognize the sincerity to their words

- He is a cautious person, and is worried about their safety despite the hellhound.

- Witchy constantly reminds him how special he is, how he caught their eye in the middle of the street

Trish

- Okay you know that thing how they used to say Barbie vs goth but now it’s Barbies and goths love each other? That’s Trish and her s/o

- They met because they were both trying to compliment one another

- What a goddamn power couple based on looks alone

- I don’t think Trish would catch on to her s/o being a witch. She strikes me as a bit similar to Narancia in that regard

- Witchy probably notices some weird patterns too, that things seem to turn a soft jelly consistency for a moment when Trish is around

- When her s/o tells her they’re a witch, Trish is also shocked but at the same time, she isn’t. Stands were the thing that kinda shattered her perception of reality. Learning about witches so soon afterwards I think her surprise would be tempered

- Really gets into it when her s/o shows off their abilities. She finds them amazing

- Loves the hellhound even after finding out its a hellhound. It would never hurt her, it loves her too though it might act a little tsundere toward the affection Trish gives it

~~~

[A/N: sorry this literally took me forever some reason. I’m gonna blame it partially on tumblr pissing me off when it deleted all the Fugo I had written the first time]

[takoyakitenchou]

anthem

hey @blas-i-us ​!! happiest of birthdays to you :} thank you for always listening to my wackass venting, spitting on my ex (multiple times), liking all the shit i post on instagram that inevitably gets deleted like 5 minutes later, attempting to control my caffeine addiction, agreeing to teach me how to make amvs after we graduate, planning our vaca in summer ’22, and everything else in between. i don’t think art or a fic would do any of this justice so i wrote you a rap. lofi backtrack is w lea bc my tumblr is broken also feel free to call and ill teach you the jp lyrics lol

verse 1

ace of spades and the queen the jack of trades you’re a lure, this avant garde and now what else, you’re 私たちの手、きっと重ねる in my head and in my heart 荒ぶる鼓動は弱さを焦がす room’s spinning, this the definition of freed sure, you can call me one track mind, just call me know you’re mine but don’t ask if i’m fine, that’s a plea this a chaser, cuz it’s you that i chase そんな事ないと思った, they call it bullshit and a fairy tale, but notice our tail end cus i know that we ain’t that and this shit’s fucking real hold on to our dreams, sir, this is our redamancy

chorus

空の燕 刃交わるた契りは (大変, 仕方がない,ねぇ) ain’t up to you, but we’re almost there another step, sadistic stamina statistics are a sacrifice, 話さない言葉 pain’s all in our heads, この絶望の美しさ

空の燕 刃交わるた契りは (大変, 仕方がない,ねぇ) ain’t up to you, but we’re almost there another step, sadistic stamina statistics are a sacrifice, 話さない言葉 pain’s all in our heads, この絶望の美しさ the 燕, aren’t they gorgeous

verse 2

your smile, goddamn that’s bright a thousand watts, a million thoughts can’t help but scoff, where’ve I been looking all this time we’re like stained glass but your heart’s all diamonds, strength of brass this a dope dish, one wish, i’m in your class got homework answers? no? dammit ok relax first rule, no more wine, your soul is mine, my heart’s yours forget the rules, look past their censures hey amateurs i betcha didn’t know rapping’s hard all these syllables crunch just like my folded cards on the table, turn em up now it’s a draw the original stalemate, our redamancy

chorus

空の燕 刃交わるた契りは (大変, 仕方がない,ねぇ) ain’t up to you, but we’re almost there another step, sadistic stamina statistics are a sacrifice, 話さない言葉 pain’s all in our heads, この絶望の美しさ

outro

so in the end, it’s always been just you and i i caught a falling star and now he’s mine 今日も生きてよかった 何があっても それは常にあなたになります signing off.

[silent-dichter-remarks]

I had a group of friends- our group was about 5 people total. I was close with all of them for different reasons. By the time 8th grade ended, one of those 5 moved schools because they had a huge complicated family issue. The other 3 friends either cut ties with them or their parents forbid them from seeing this friend. My parents let me continue to hang out with them, so I did.

One of those friends- middle school we were super close. I was at their house every day in the summer or after school. They taught me to ride a bike at 13. Their family started inviting me to family occasions, we went out of our way to ensure that both of us ate (I didn’t have resources for lunches and they were dealing with an ED), we built little fantasy worlds with each other. At some point, their family was discussing having to move outta state so we were both pretty bummed, but the soonest it would happen was the summer before high school.

In 8th grade my dad lost his job, so we had moved out of our house by April of that year. My parents said I couldn’t tell my friends we’d moved already, cuz we were still commuting to school and the school would make us pay more money for being out of the city. So my friends knew I was moving, but thought it wasnt till the summer (no one ever came to my house, my parents wouldn’t allow it).

So these friends, who I was super close with, shared literally everything with, and had known since the 3rd grade, found out I was moving the last week of school. The day school let out, I had only 1 friend left. The other two had dropped me quicker than skat. I had to move to a new place, new school, with no friends, and the closest friends I’d had had dropped me.

They blamed me for moving. They thought I’d betrayed them because my family moved and I couldn’t stop it. Wouldn’t respond to my messages, one said I was a bossy bitch anyway.

One of the other friends from middle school did speak to me for a while after I’d moved. I went to their house frequently- they’d also moved, not out of town but to the other side of it. We hung out frequently, Skyped periodically, wrote FanFiction together on google docs and joined RP blogs on tumblr. We went to an anime convention, one of the most fun things in my life.

Sophomore year of highschool they weren’t talking to me as frequently. I’d encouraged them to join extracurriculars, get involved in school, but when I jumped on Skype to talk to them they were always talking to an online group. I don’t remember if they’d ever joined extracurriculars. Just always talking to others, no time for me. Which was fine- I knew I would still hang out with them, if they didn’t want to spend time online with me that was okay.

I bought cosplay for the next anime convention. It’s still in my closet. I’d tried to ask them when it was. I don’t remember getting a response. Next thing I saw, their Facebook had pictures of them with that old group of friends at the same convention. I wasn’t told I was uninvited, but I didn’t blame them for taking the others over me.

I deleted Skype from my computer.

I tried to reconnect with one of them a few years ago. This all happened in 2012, I was 14. When I was 17 or 18 I wrote a letter to my old dear friend. The one I shared everything with- including food- we’d written so many notes to eachother in middle school, I’d kept all of them.

I saw on their Facebook they had said something to the effect of ‘someone from my past tried to get in touch with me. I’m scared, I don’t know if I actually respond to them after everything that happened’. I thought “that’s weird”, then received a letter a week later. They were scared to talk to me. The letter was very forced.

At 18 I threw away all those letters. I didn’t see my friendship anymore, just someone who clearly did not want to talk to me- regardless of if that’s how they actually thought, that’s how I viewed it. The last time I saw their Facebook, they were going through a tough time. I really do hope they’re doing better.

Friendships in my first two hears of high school were problematic at best. Two of the people I’d befriended were always in drama, the others just often chose others over me. I couldn’t blame them.

It took me until Junior year of high school to actually find friends that wanted to be with me. That I felt semi-wanted. I was scared to make friends knowing my old friends had dropped me so fast. I knew that these new friends still preferred everyone else over me, that’s how it works.

One of the few friends I left high school with. Another best friend- shared graduation together, I tried all I could to make them happy, help them with and through an abusive relationship- both familial and romantically-, make sure they knew they could call me whenever they needed something. Fast friends at 16.

By 20, they’d moved out of state. All conversations we had were about them. My mother had OD’d that year, and when I called them- the only friend I had at the time- they made the conversation about them. My mother is fine now, btw...well, as fine as she can be.

They told me I was possessive, and toxic, and that they loved me but they couldn’t do this to themselves. I had no idea what they were talking about. They’d denied every time I tried to talk to them, which happened once ever two weeks- if that. We hadn’t properly spoken in about 3 months when they told me that.

I’d vowed to not use the words “best friends” when I was 14. Again when I was 20.

I have 3 very close friends now. Sometimes they say best friend, and I feel bad I can’t reciprocate it, but they understand why. Evertime I use that term to define a relationship, I fuck it up.

So now I make jokes about me being a “bossy bitch” and being “possessive” of people. Those are inside jokes with my friends now. And so what if, when I make those jokes, I have a slight hope they’ll tell me it’s not true. So what if I choose my words more carefully to make sure it’s the most passive language I can use. So what if I get anxious about calling more than once every two weeks. They don’t know, and they don’t have to. It’s mostly subconscious at this point anyway.

There is no point to this. This is just, me writing out what my friendships have been in the past. All the ways I messed up, all the ways I try to reconcile. All the ways I tell myself that it’s not my fault while having the sneaking suspicion that it is. All my fault.

I’m 22 now. Let’s see how this post changes and how long it takes.

[stayblurbs-blog]

Boyfriend! Jeongin

A/N: Fluff only 😤

Fuck tumblr for deleting half of this the first time I wrote it

General

So first off

Jeongin would genuinely be such a good boyfriend

He’d be so caring and always make sure you’re happy and taken care of

At first tho he’d be sooo shy around you and be so shaky and avoid eye contact

And the boys would be like ‘awwwww our jeonginnie has a crush’

And he’d get so red and run to his bed and text you all night

Confessing

I feel like one of the boys hyunjin would have to tell you

Because he doesn’t hint well at all

His flirting is literally just him staring at you most of the time

And one day you’d be cold and ask for his sweater bc you’re just as whipped for him

And he’d jump up to get it for you

And he’d just keep staring cuz he thinks you look so beautiful

And you’re just like ????

Is there something wrong

And one of the boys would be like no he’s just whipped for you

And Jeongin would be mortified

Like he’d be so scared you’d hate him now he’d look like he was gonna cry from embarrassment

But then you just go over and sit on his lap and get all cuddled in

And he’d be so relieved and just hold you for the entire time you were there

First Date

He’d want everything to be perfect

He’d really want to impress you I’m talking he bought a new outfit just for the occasion

And the members would totally hype him up when it finally came down to asking you

And he’d text you like’ Hey...do you wanna come over at like 5pm? I don’t really have a plan but...we can make one.....’

And you text him back almost instantly about how excited you are

And then he starts to pace around until Chan literally forces him to stop

And when it was time for you to get there he’d be so nervous asking all his hyungs for advice on how to kiss you and stuff because you know he’d wanna plan that out too

And you get there and he’s just like ‘hey let’s just go get takeout and watch some movies!’

So you walk to your favorite restaurant and he buys you food and you go back to the dorm and eat comfortably

Then it’s moVIE TIME

He’d STARE at the screen because he wouldn’t know how to move in for cuddling or any of it

So you’d have to be the one to make the move and wrap his arms around you

And he’d turn so red but relax a little and pull you so close

And you’d both end up falling asleep, but you would first and he’d wrap you all up in a blanket so you wouldn’t get cold and he’d play with your hair til you fell asleep

And the boys would probably all be in another room giggling and taking 3748375 because it’s so adorable

And then it’d be time for you to go and he’d be so sad and pouty

Which leads me to first kiss snktjdfuejtnbsjy

First Kiss

So yeah he totally would’ve gotten advice from the boys before hand

but you’d be leaving to go home after your first date

And he’d be so sad because he didn’t want you to leave

And as you we’re about to walk out he’d pull you back and just kiss you

It’d be sort of quick but it’d be really sweet and soft

‘Goodnight jeongin’

‘Goodnight y/n’

Then you’d leave and he’d be all smiley for the next two days

Skinship

I feel like jeongin would loveeee skin ship

BUT

It would have to be on his terms

Like when he’s focused on getting his parts right he doesn’t wanna be bothered

But as soon as he’s done practicing watch out

He’s holding you the rest of the night

He always plays with your hair

Lovessss when you fall asleep on him and he basically holds his breathe and traces shapes on your back and shoulders while you sleep because can’t wake his precious angel

And he’d make sure you don’t get too cold or hot

And when you wake up

‘Did you sleep well my love? You looked so peaceful’

Definitely took 284858 pictures of you sleeping

But also likes to be held on occasion

Like when he’s had a particularly rough day he’d come home and just lay on you

Needing you to play with his hair instead this time

I’m hurt

Saying I love you

It’d be spontaneous, probably even an accident

I feel like you’d be really insecure over something and he’d be trying to cheer you up

And nothing would be working because you’re just really in your head that night

And he’s holding you like he always does when you’re upset

And then he just ‘I wish I could make you happy, I love you too much and it hurts me when you’re this sad’

And he’d realize and he’d be like oH SHIT

And you’d just freeze because yOU WHAT

And you literally make him say it because you’re in such shock

And he gently cups your face and looks you in the eyes like

‘I love you y/n. And I hate when you’re sad because you’re my entire world.’

And he kisses your forehead

And you say it back of course

Conclusion

That boy would love you with everything he has

He’d literally never let you go without

And even though his hyungs always tease him, he’d never let that stop him from telling them how much he loves you

Because he really truly loves you

[supremequeenofthejellyfish]

I read your tags on that byeler post and holy shit i love u this made my day like this day just started but i wont read anything better, pls do tell more

OH MY GOD THANK YOU???!!!!! that whole thing took me like 45 minutes to write oh my god, its so nice to be noticed for once haha (also ur day just started? I’m so glad I made ur whole day lmao. It’s currently nighttime where I am.) Anyway, tumblr deleted like half of my tags from that post cuz I guess I wrote too many? idk man, it was horrible, whenever I tag posts I always check it on my blog to see if it worked correctly cuz tunglr.cob is always messing things up and BOI WHEN I SAW THAT I WAS FUCKING LIVID OH MY GOD U HAVE NO IDEA. Ok so I’m going to try and recreate my tags below from memory, in bulleted form. they won’t be exact but I’ll try my best (here’s the post now go read my tags if u haven’t seen them lol) 

If you ask mike, it was only lasted a few days, and the rest of the gang looks into the camera like they’re on the office

At first, mike is pretty nervous about the topic, like he’s super worried (mike: do u h8 me bc I like bois 2???)

(Literally everyone at once: are you serious?? Have you seen will, That boy is gay as fuck.) (will didn’t say the second part he was not ready for that, ya boi was shook)

Mike is “low-key” relieved (and by low-key I mean extremely high key that boy literally collapsed on the couch from relief)

(Dustin: Mike seriously?? We’re ur best friends how could we possibly hate u??)

Even if any of them did have qualms, they wouldn’t show it. They were all outcasts, and they stuck together no matter what

Lets be real tho, they probably didn’t they are all best friends and love each other unconditionally

Mike hasn’t told anyone that he has a crush on will (eleven: Crush?? Mike ur literally in love with him.) he actually begs eleven not to tell them (Mike: Please, you can’t say anything to them, I’m not ready yet.)

Eleven agrees, but internally she’s all like: Mike, they already know, ur so fucking obvious, Lmao.

Except will tho, will low-key (read: high key) loves mike too, but neither of them have realized it yet because they’re both oblivious idiots

Everyone sees that they’re in love except for them and its so infuriating

Eleven has to endure mikes “pining phase” for MONTHS b4 she basically forces them into a room together (alone) to confess

She has to for her own sanity (but also because she wants her bffs to be happy.)

But seriously if mike didn’t say anything soon she would have to kill him and then herself (yikes, he was actually that bad lol)

Will went through a pining phase too (his started about a year b4 mike and eleven broke things off) although instead of pestering Lucas, Dustin, or Max about it he literally has 3 (three) spiral notebooks (college ruled, not that wide ruled bullshit) full of doodles of Mike with hearts around his head (and a fourth one in progress)

He was supposed to be using them for schoolwork, but he gets distracted a lot in class

No one (NO ONE) Is allowed to see those notebooks except for will himself

(Max, probably: Hey will can I borrow you’re notes, I lost mine? Will, slamming notebook #4 shut: NO! Max: *is visibly shook*)

poor Joyce has no idea why he keeps going through so many notebooks?

Anyway, the whole gang is together for a sleep over in mike’s basement (where else would they be?) and eleven takes mike aside and tells him that he has to tell will 2nite or she will fucking scream (she’s totally not kidding)

Mike: but what if he doesn’t like me back?? He’ll probably hate me if I tell him that…… 

Eleven: mike ur so stupid omg he fucking likes u back ok trust me

(She caught a glimpse of notebook #2 a while back when she and mike were nearing the end of their relationship, and she never told anyone.To this day, will doesn’t know that she saw it)

Mike: *skeptically* ok but even if that’s true I cant just say it in front of everyone

Eleven scoffs, drags mikes by the wrist over to will, drags will by the arm and basically throws them both into the bathroom and locks them in with her powers

Mike: ELEVEN!! OPEN THE DOOR!!! LET US OUT OF HERE OH MY GOD ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!?!?!?!

Eleven: nope :) (how does she do that this is a verbal conversation) not until you tell him.

Will, a very confused boy: huh? Tell me what? Mike what the fuck is going on?!?! What is she talking about??

Mike eventually confesses everything to will (except the pining phase, that was fucking embarrassing)

(Eleven tells him about it later, and mike tries to deny it, but will thinks its so cute???? Like so cute he wants to puke hearts??? But that might just be the butterflies in his stomach)

Mike tries to be smooth when he’s confessing to will but he’s a stuttering fucking mess

Will is so shooketh he doesn’t know what to do with himself so he just grabs mikes hand and says “me too” (he’ll deny it later, but he was on the verge of tears pretty much the whole time)

Mike smiles like the big goofy idiot he is, and eleven, seemingly satisfied opens the door

The gang claps and cheers, and mike and will are confused. Then they look down at their hands, with their fingers still intertwined and are more confused

Lucas: took you long enough

Mike and will: ????????????????

Dustin grabs them by the shoulders and pulls them into a group hugThey stay like that for at least 10 minutes, mike and will hugging each other in the middle, and everyone else crowding around them

Mike pecks will on the cheek and then whispers into his ear quietly: “I love you so fucking much, Will.”

Will Is basically a tomato at this point, a happy tomato, but a fucking tomato nonetheless. (Mike had never seen him so red)

He buries his face into mikes chest, and whispers back: “I love you, too, Mike” (mike blushes almost as red as will)

The others pretended not to notice this little exchange, but oh god did they notice, and it was the cutest fucking thing they’ve ever seen

After awhile they break apart, because its getting hot in mike’s basement

mike and will are left standing outside the bathroom door, still hugging each other. (Neither of them wanted to let go just yet)

Will holds on to mike like his life depends on it, and eventually he hears “Jesus will I can’t fucking breathe”

Will lets go immediately, and mike puts an arm around his shoulder and leads him to the couch

Every one is waiting for them, and no one can stop smiling (especially mike and will, god, those 2 are so fucking in love with each other its not even funny)

this took me way longer than I thought it would omg. I added a few things that weren’t in the original tags that got deleted but they fit in pretty nicely? idk lol I thought it made it that much cuter haha. This was originally supposed to be just a response to the post but I got a little carried away. Tbh I probably put more effort into writing this than I put into my actual homework that I get actual fucking grades on lmao (help). Speaking of which, I have homework that I have to go do now, hahaha. hope u like it lololol

[artificialqueens]

Welcome to the Dollhouse Pt. 2 (Violet/Trixie)

Trixie has a crisis and Violet is, well. Violet.

AN: Pt. 2 of idk! Also I have a tumblr now.

“I’m not doing that,” Trixie said, getting up off the couch. “Have fun with your stroll down memory lane, Frankie, but I’m not getting involved in this shit.”

Violet stared at Trixie for a moment and cackled when they realized he wasn’t joking.

“Seriously, bitch? What the fuck?”

“I’m not,” Trixie spat, storming out of the room, “fucking doing that.”

“Trixie!” Violet called after him, scrambling over the couch, phone in hand. “What the hell!”

“No, nope,” Trixie grabbed his bag and started tossing things into it. He wasn’t sure what he was doing or where he was going to go, but he needed to leave this place. Now.

He turned and found Violet staring at him in the doorway, mouth hanging open.

They silently regarded one another for a moment. Trixie threw his backpack over his shoulder.

“What’s your fucking problem?” Violet said, breaking the silence. “Why are you so freaked out? Literally last night you were in the kitchen going on about–” and here Violet did, maybe not the most insulting but definitely top three, impression of Trixie, and said: ‘I need to just stop being such a PUSSY about LIFE and have Boomer come up here and turn my asshole inside out–”

Trixie laughed mirthlessly and shook his head. He started and stopped his answer a few times before finally tossing his backpack onto the ground and holding out his hands, like, what do you want me to say?

He settled with: “I’m not a porn star, Violet. I’m goddamned drag queen.”

“What’s the fucking difference?”

Trixie blinked.

“I know this is impossible for you to grasp,” he said, “even with those big man hands, but: I really don’t want to sit on that couch with you and watch my best friend… yank he doodle.”

Violet’s eyes narrowed. They shook their head and groaned, looking up to the heavens.

“Yes you do,” they said, finally looking back at Trixie. “And I don’t know why you’re afraid to admit that. I know this is impossible for you to grasp,” Violet said, slowly approaching him, “with those… petite, feminine fingers,” Trixie swallowed, “but I know you, Trixie Mattel. And I know exactly what kind of girl you are.”

A darkness that had been dormant inside Trixie for years began to stir as his former competitor drew closer. His heart hammered inside his chest as he held his lips and teeth together in a grim line.

Violet was close, now. Too close. They looked as if they were going to reach out to him, to touch him, but thought better of it, crossing their arms, straightening their spine and drawing a deep breath.

“Your life is about to change,” Violet said, voice even and calm. “Everything is going to be different when you get on that plane and go back to California, and I think,” Violet said, “it’s time for you to relax while you still can.”

Violet held out a hand to Trixie.

“C’mon, Firkus,” they said. “I promise it’ll be fun.”

Trixie did not break eye contact until he finally brushed past Violet, heading back into the living room.

Katya still had his hands full on the TV screen, one fastened around his cock and the other cupping his chest as if he were wearing his tits. Trixie sighed, staring at the paused image of his debauched business partner.

It wasn’t the first time he’d seen Katya in a compromising position. It hadn’t even been a month, actually. After a week or so of missed calls and complete radio silence from the Russian impersonator, Trixie had begun to suspect the worst… until Katya had sent over a snapchat of some stranger’s balls in his mouth with the message: “don’t worry Trixie, I’m only smoking dick. See you Monday.”

Tears had streamed down Trixie’s face as he brayed with laughter, the relief and joy swallowing him whole.

But something about watching Katya pull the padge like this… Trixie shook his head.

“She didn’t make this for us to watch,” he said. “It’s not right.”

Behind him, Violet rolled their eyes with violent frustration.

“What makes you so sure?” Violet walked around to lean over the couch. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she sent you that on purpose.”

“You’re wrong,” Trixie said, crossing his arms. “We’re not like that. She asked me this afternoon to watch her stupid short film, and she fucked up. She’s old, Violet! She doesn’t know how technology fucking works!”

Violet just quirked her eyebrow.

“And they call me a bad actor,” they said. “Get out, Mattel. Go take a walk. Have a glass of water. I promise not to watch one more minute until you get back.”

Trixie pressed his fingers into his cheek for a moment, thinking. Finally, he grabbed his jacket and walked out the door.

Violet listened to him walk down the hallway. They clicked their tongue and settled onto the couch, pulling out their phone.

V: Hey

K:Hey.

V: Can I ask you something?

K: I’m not really in the mood. Especially if it’s about my cum.

Violet rolled their eyes.

V: Did Trixie just get dumped or something before she came out here? She’s less fun than usual.

K: Yeah.

Violet nodded to themself, considering their next question.

V: Cuz of you?

K: Yeah.

V: That’s fucked up.

K: Yeah.

*

Trixie wasn’t sure if he was shivering because of the cold, or because of the horrible tempest of emotions churning in his stomach.

A sickeningly familiar voice in his head asked: Why are you being so fucking dramatic?

Trixie didn’t have an answer. He just kept walking until the comforting smell of coffee lured him into a warm building.

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. It was Katya:

K: You know I was kidding, right? You don’t have to show me your wiener.

I know, Trixie began typing. He paused, deleting the message. Instead, he wrote:

T: Did you send me that video on purpose?

The ellipses appeared on the other side of the conversation for a moment, then disappeared. When they came back, Trixie realized his mouth was dry.

K: Do you want to be mad at me, or would you prefer an alternative fact?

Trixie blinked, feeling a pulse in his temple throb.

“Sir?”

Trixie looked up from his phone into the wide green eyes of the Dunkin’ Donuts cashier.

“How can I help you?”

Trixie stared back at the kid.

“I don’t think you can,” he said.

“Oh,” the kid said. “I’m…sorry?”

“Me too,” Trixie muttered as he walked back out onto the cold street.

*

Violet was waiting on the couch when Trixie came back.

“Feeling better, Squirrel?”

“Not really,” came Trixie’s curt reply.

Disappointment flickered across the young queen’s face.

“So you’re out?”

“Violet, I was never in.”

Violet nodded and sniffed, getting up off the couch to refill their champagne.

“Oh well,” they said. “I thought it might be fun to have a scene partner for my big comeback. But I guess I’m better off solo.”

“I don’t fucking need her, David.”

It was the fall of 2015 in Atlanta and Violet was, once again, screaming at her manager. Trixie had come by to pitch a gag for the next segment, but heard the ruckus. Despite his better judgement, he hung back to listen.

“You’re my fucking manager, man. Mine. Me.”

A deep male voice replied: “Right, Violet. I’m your manager. I’m looking out for you, and your career, and I’m sorry, but you do need her right now. You’re not likeable,” he enunciated the word carefully, and Trixie wished more than anything that he could see the look on Violet’s face.

“FUCK likeable,” Violet spat. “I’m an artist. And this is all–this is bullshit. I’m the future of drag and you fucking people just want me to be another clown. ‘Oh Violet, you have to do fashion police. Oh Violet, Andy Cohen says he wants you behind the bar! You can watch rich white women get drunk, you’ll love it!’ Fuck you. Fuck this.”

And with that, the young queen burst through the door, stopping at the sight of a stunned Trixie Mattel.

They just stared at each other for a moment. Violet rolled her eyes and continued on, leaving Trixie alone in the hall.

Back at the apartment, Trixie said: “you’re really going through with this.”

“Uh,” Violet, as usual, looked at him like he was an idiot, nodding slowly, “yeah.”

Trixie blinked rapidly and shook his head. This nightmare was never going to end.

“Why?”

“Because I want to,” Violet said, and for the first time since this all started, all the condescension had been dropped from their tone. They shrugged, continuing: “it’s only fair. I mean, really, a video isn’t going to change anything between Katya and I. But I understand that…” and now Violet took care to make sure Trixie was looking into her eyes - really listening to her, “…that might not be the case, for you two.”

“Maybe I don’t want you to send her a sex tape,” Trixie said. “Maybe that would change things between you and me.”

Violet let Trixie’s words settle in the room before they finally nodded, their lips quirking up in a small smirk.

“I considered that,” they admitted, setting their drink down and approaching Trixie. “And I decided that I don’t care. Because you’re not like that, right?”

“You’re a selfish asshole,” Trixie said.

Violet’s eyebrows shot up. Finally, some real anger. Maybe they were getting somewhere.

“Come on, Trix,” they said, “It’s not my fault that you refuse to seize life by the balls and get what you wa-”

Trixie rushed at Violet then, grabbing their face and crushing their lips together.

They separated and Violet’s mouth was hanging open and they said: “what the fuck, Firkus?”

Trixie licked his dry lips, awkwardly detaching his hands from Violet’s face.

“All I want,” Trixie said quietly, “is for you to shut up, Violet. I want you,” and now he was pushing her backwards toward the couch and Violet’s eyes were black saucers, a cornered animal, “to shut up, and stop. For a minute. Just stop.”

They stood like that for a moment, neither knowing what to do, where to look, what to say.

“Okay,” Violet murmured. “I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not,” Trixie muttered. Violet opened their mouth to protest, but shut it at the look on Trixie’s face. “You’re not. I’ve come to accept that. I used to admire you for it.” Trixie laughed a little. “I used to think, ‘what must it be like, to walk around the world like Violet fucking Chachki? To not give a shit about what anyone thinks? To not care about anyone but yourself?”

Trixie took a seat on the couch. Violet hesitated for a moment before joining him, quickly glancing at their forgotten drink on the countertop.

“And then I come out here,” Trixie continued, staring at Katya on the TV in front of them, “and I thought: maybe I’m wrong. Maybe she’s changed.”

Violet was quiet, waiting for Trixie to continue. Trixie didn’t.

“Can I talk now?”

Trixie shrugged. Violet cleared their throat.

“I am sorry, Trixie. I really,” their eyes darted from the screen, back to Trixie, then somewhere else, staring at nothing as they gathered their thoughts. “I thought I was doing you a favor. I just - I don’t know. I thought you and fucking Katya had this stupid thing going on, and I thought… Everything happens for a reason, right? Look.” Violet grabbed Trixie’s hand, making him look them in the eye. “I know you blame me for Dollhouse failing, but–”

“You burned the Dollhouse down, Violet,” Trixie said. “You lit the match in front of my fucking face and walked away.”

Again, Trixie surprised Violet.

“So poetic,” they said, dry. “Fine. I did. Whatever. That project wasn’t right for us.” At Trixie’s look, Violet snorted and amended her statement: “Alright, it wasn’t for me. I knew you’d be fine. Fuck, man, look at you! Nothing will ever fucking stop you. You are the star nobody fucking asked for, Trixie Mattel.” She smacked Trixie in the shoulder, making the other queen flinch. “And you have a fat cock. And frankly…”

Trixie leaned into the back of the couch, pressing his palms into his eyes.

“…I think you do need to put that thing on video.” They ran a hand through their long hair. “Shit, man. I can’t think of anyone I want to make a porn with more than you. How legendary would that be, just as a rumor? Could you fucking imagine?”

“And how would a sex tape,” Trixie began, ignoring the flattery fluttering in his gut, “not end in disaster, Violet? I have dreams. Lofty fucking dreams! This is just the beginning for me. And these things are made to be leaked.”

Violet laughed.

“So what? You remember what happened last time my porn got leaked?” Violet grinned, barely holding their laughter in. Trixie tore his gaze from their mousey teeth, their brown eyes meeting. “I won.”

Before Trixie could think of what he could possibly say in the face of Violet Chachki’s unshakeable determination, his phone started to ring. He didn’t need to look at it to know who it was. Neither did Violet.

“I have to take this,” Trixie said, monotone. “It’s my little sister.”

Violet rolled their eyes and watched as Trixie disappeared behind the door of his room.

Once the door was shut, Trixie hissed into the phone: “you have 30 seconds to explain yourself and less than 24 hours until my plane lands and I come kick your fucking crackhead ass.”

“Wait,” Katya said on the other end of the line. “Did you say kick or lick?”

Trixie hung up. Katya called back.

“Trixie! I’m sorry! Listen. I am so sorry, I didn’t mean for this to be a thing, it was just like, a prank - I thought you would laugh! I’m sorry.”

Trixie was quiet.

“Peter was right about you,” he said. “And me, I guess.”

Katya’s voice as gentle. “Peter was a jealous, snivelling, narcissistic nancy who put mayo on everything.”

“I am also a jealous, narcissistic nancy who likes mayo,” Trixie said.

“But you have other qualities that make up for that.”

Trixie smiled for the first time in hours. He drew a breath and rubbed a hand over his face.

“I think I’m about to do something really stupid.”

“Nothing you do is stupid,” Katya said. “You’re the smartest girl I know. I’m not joking, bitch.”

Trixie pictured Katya on his balcony, shoulders hunched as he smoked his 15th cigarette of the day (he was doing better; maybe by next week he’d be down to ten).

He thought about Violet, sipping her champagne in the other room, waiting patiently until she inevitably got what she wanted. As always.

“I gotta go. I’ll see you when I get back.”

“Oh - okay. Love you.”

Trixie hung up and walked out to find Chachki exactly where he knew they’d be, glass in hand, ready for whatever was to come.

“Alright, Frankie,” Trixie said. “Go get your fucking singlet.”