#AdoptionMatters

[aerialklove]

My Adoption Story ( Overview)

Hey friends! So I wanted to give somewhat of an overview of my adoption story so you dont have to scroll through almost 900 post to figure out what I am talking about!! 

My name is Aerial and I am twenty-six years old. I am from Virginia here in the U.S. I was born as a twin. By the time we were four months old we were taken out of our biological home and placed in foster care. Not only were we placed, my older sister Quan was placed, my first cousin was placed and we all were basically seperated however the social workers kept me and my twin brother together. 

I recently found out that my birth mother P. did not leave us in an apartment by ourselves ( me, my twin brother, Quan, and two of our first cousins) her late sister did. Between the ages of four months to nine years old left with a druggie alcoholic lady. 

My birth mother raised all Hell in the social workers office trying to get us back but unfourtnately over the course of the next five years she was deemed unstable to care for her five children.  My foster parents now my adoptive parents had just secured three acres of land, built a two story house and had two kids naturally. We were legally adopted by the time we were seven years old.

I found out I was adopted around the age of eleven or twelve however I had a feeling around nine that I was different and I started asking questions. I am Black and my adoptive family is Black so nobody really mentioned anything. “Why are their no baby baby pictures of me?” “ Why are there no ultrasound pictures of me? Nobody really had the answers for me. I was putting clothes in the washing machine in the basement and I tripped over a small box. I picked up all the letters to put them back and one had my name on it but my name was different. It was court case papers that confirmed my adoption. My mom found out and she was not very happy. 

Condensed Version

I found my biological siblings on facebook and we met in the summer of 2010. My birth mother called me on my 18th birthday we had a secret phone relationship until I met her in a hospital for people with mental conditons. I met my birth mother’s father side of the family and my biological father in the course of the next three years. 

I started this blog in 2013, I think, just to really get my thoughts down becaue I didnt really have anyone to really talk to honestly about how I felt and found a beautiful community of adoptees, people who dealt with foster care, adoptive parents, biological parents, and advocates of the adoption triad. 

Yes I have been on this journey since I nine. I have experience the positvie and the not so positive...trying to escape generational traps, being a good daughter to both my mom and birth mother, acceptance and rejection...and the joy of being an Aunt to all these kids that I adore with my whole heart ( three nephews and two nieces). I can truly say I wouldn’t go back and change it if I could and I hope sharing my story will inspire you to do to the same.

Feel free to reach out to me. PM me for contact info outside of tumblr. Take care of yourself! 

Peace & Love ~A.

[hollymarlow]

Got this message on Twitter earlier. I get it. The changes for the adopted child being moved to a new family are significantly more dramatic than the changes experienced by a child already in that family. Of course I advocate reading books to adopted children too, to help them to make sense of their situation and their feelings. My 2 most popular books (Delly Duck and Room in the Nest) are often used for that. When we adopted our son, we (as most adoptive parents do) tried to keep as much of his routine consistent with his routine in foster care as possible. I'm sure it was still pretty terrifying for him at times. My son's challenges don't invalidate those of my daughter. It's not a contest. We wouldn't have adopted if we didn't feel we could support the needs of two children. All the little adaptations to routine, meals, etc, plus the very fact that we had an extra child in the family, led to lots of changes for our birth daughter. If we'd had a 2nd child biologically, they would have grown up with the foods our daughter likes, the routine she was used to, etc. She coped brilliantly, but that's not the point. My daughter and others also deserve support and empathy when experiencing changes to their lives, even though their new sibling is going through a significantly more dramatic change. It's helpful for all siblings if you support the elder children so that they don't resent or reject their new sibling. The last thing an adopted child needs is to feel unwanted. So I think there's a need for these stories, and well, people keep buying them, so I guess others agree. . #siblingsbyadoption #siblingsthroughadoption #siblingadoption #adoption #adoptionmonth #adoptionawareness #adoptionmatters #adoptionawarenessmonth #adoptionbuiltus #adoptiveparent #adoptiveparents #adoptivemum #adoptivemummy #adoptivemama #adoptivedad #adoptivefather #adoptivefamily #adoptivesiblings #newbaby #adoptionsupportuk #adoptionsupport #adoptionafterabiologicalchild #adoptionafterbirth #storiesthatmatter #attachment #attachmentparenting #therapeuticparenting #therapeuticparent #bekind https://www.instagram.com/p/CjgADzLMNaY/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[louisa1986]

Happiness is the price of an adoption fee. #lurcher #lurcherofinstagram #bulllurcher #salukicross #longdog #happydog #happiness #sighthound #sighthoundlife #sighthoundlove #sighthoundofinstagram #rescuedogs #rescuedogofinstagram #adoptdontshop #adoptionmatters #dogs #dogsofinstagram #rescuedogofinstagram #blackdogsofinstagram #whitedog #browndog #seniordog #longnose

[4951studios]

Look to the sky for the answers that you can’t find in yourself. . . . . . . #instashot #casting #meninamoderna #salonlinebrasil #instapicture #comment #followme #instaday #adoptionmatters #photo #curlhairstyle #photograph #photoofday #pictureday #phototheday #job #jldivinci #instaphoto #photografer #moda #photography #likeforlikes #instagood #4951studios #bestphoto (at Austin, Texas) https://www.instagram.com/p/B9ewztohuxz/?igshid=ovbeagksgudp

[adoptionfamilysupportcenter]

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same...🧐 #adoptionandfamilysupportcenter #idecide #adoptionmatters #birthmomstrong https://www.instagram.com/p/B0qPPT5lpt7/?igshid=126qvr8bt0ss6

[selectednotexpected]

10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know

This was a great article, lucky for me, my #ForeverHome was filled with love and I was told from Day 1 that I was #SelectedNotExpected.

#5 The Ghost Kingdom phenomenon really stood out for me. That is when adopted children spend their lives looking for someone who looks like them. I didn’t look like anyone in my adopted family. I always wanted to know where I got this dusty brown hair, almond-shaped eyes, carmel-colored skin and these dang fainting spells. 

Once I found my birth family, I was hyped to see we had some of the same features.  My younger sister and I even call each other, Twin! 

This list is very important if you plan to #Adopt.

[ottolover143-blog]

ATTENTION DOG OWNERS: Please keep an eye out for this guy. Hes been impersonating as a dogsitter. But he ends up stealing dogs after the owner drops them off to dogsit, he blocks their contact info and end up getting them pregnant. When dog owners find out he refuses to give them back and will put up a fight even if you have papers. Keep your dogs on a leash close to you. #safedogs #lostdogs #impersonatingdogsitter #Adoptionmatters (at Massachusetts)

[aerialklove]

My Twin Is Not Interested In Biological Family...

I have always known that my twin brother was not interested in biological family. It was apparent when we were kids catching on to our personality difference from our younger siblings and the fact that we looked different from our parents. My twin felt like he was not wanted and that’s why we ended up here. I felt like something must have went terribly wrong and that’s why we ended up here.

He told me Saturday night that he was not interested and is still not interested. I understand. I do. I asked him “ What about your son?” He said “ He has me?” and who do you have? He said “ I have you.” ( Basically thats what he said) I thought to myself...this is where my issues start with my twin. I usually do the work and he comes up the rear and bennefits but people tend to gravitate to him more. I researched birth family names, I met people, I formed relationships, I did all these things and then he’s is able to just be connected. I have been called jealous for that. I am not jealous. I am angry because he had the same opportunities to make the same strides I did but because of his preconceived notion that he wasn’t wanted ( when clearly he was) and the lack of an open mind and being “content with his situation” ...I have been handling all of it and basically including him the the tagline. I guess your cant have Aerial without Aaron being to far behind. 

I love my twin brother and would do anything for him. The first thing my birth mother told me whe we talked on the phone for the first time is to protect my brother. The first promise that I ever made to my birth mother was that I will protect him. I wish A. was more open minded but as an adoptee I get it and I dont try to push it with him. Eventually he will have to deal with the things.

[hollymarlow]

Woooo! Over 100 ratings on Amazon! Not gonna lie, I wish someone hadn't given a 1-star review because they received a defective book (I don't see them before they're shipped, but apparently there was a whole other book bound in with it - I would have been chuffed with that! 🤣), but I am so grateful that people are taking the time to share their ratings and reviews. "Delly Duck: Why A Little Chick Couldn't Stay With His Birth Mother" will always have a special place in my heart as my first book, created to help my daughter to understand some of the emotional aspects of foster care and adoption. ❤️ #adoption #adoptionstory #adoptionbook #adoptionmatters #adopting #fostercare #fostercarestory #fostercarebook #fostercarematters #fostering #storiesthatmatter #diversity #inclusion #diversität #pflegefamilie #adopcion https://www.instagram.com/p/CdAeSeTMGXV/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[louisa1986]

The face I woke up to this morning! #salukicross #saluki #salukiofinstagram #salukilove #rescuedog #rescuedogofinstagram #whitedog #whitedogofinstagram #livernose #dognose #happydog #sleepingdog #sighthound #sighthoundofinstagram #sighthoundlife #sighthoundlove #doginbed #dog #dogofinstagram #rescuepet #adoptdontshop #adoptionmatters #woodgreenanimalshelter #furbaby #draco #sleepingbeauty

[aerialklove]

Are You A Bastard Child? An Adoptee Perspective....

<<<<<< Trigger Warning >>>>

Yesterday my less than sober dad came to the house and my mom was not particularly in the mood for it. I was sitting on the bed making sure my dad didnt touch my knee or my leg brace. My sister Meme was on the other side. It was raining and my dad was trying to get me to ride to the store with him and Meme. I cant drive at the moment. My mom said I shouldnt go because I could slip on the porch or slide on the steps. My intoxicated dad ( Meme was going to drive) said “ I am her father and she can go!” I said “ technically he is” as a joke. I like to pop a few here and there. Meme said “ Who is your father? Melvin?” I said “ No that’s my grandfather.” My mom said “ T.”  Meme said “ Oh that’s right! I said “ Thats what they told me but who knows? “ Again another joke. Meme said “ Are you a bastard child?” in a serious tone. My mom nipped the convo in the bud right there because I think it started to get a little sensitive for her.

Am I a bastard child? Well my bio parents were not married...ever. So I was born out of wedlock I guess. I never really explored my feelings about my biological father. He was in jail when I was an infant but I have the letter he wrote from jail and I met him about three or four years ago. I feel a void but honestly not as big as the one that I felt before I met my birth mother. 

There is some saddness that lingers. I dont know if I can trust the info that I have or the fact that B. could be my bio father. I decided that had gone far enough in my journey of finging answers. This is the only stone that I have yet to unturn and its a little more complicated than I anticipated. A DNA test would turn the stone over but I havent gotten there yet. I dont know if things will get there.

Did the question hurt my feelings? Not really. Meme sincerley was wondering as a biospawn would. I didnt give her an answer because I believe she knew the answer. Thoughts?

[aerialklove]

Breakdown of my Biological Family vs. The Family that raised me...

Biological Family

Birth Mother: P. Biological Father: T Siblinging on my birth mother side: Roddy (brother), Tee (sister), Quan ( sister), A. ( twin brother)

Sibling my my biological father side: S. ( sister) Quan ( sister) A. ( twin brother)

So me, Quan and A. are full siblings.  However... Tee and Roddy’s father believe’s I am his biological dauther because I look exactly like his son! There has been no DNA test done though. So do I know who my biological father is for real? Nope but I love all of my siblings. 

Adoptive Family 

Momma: S. Dad: N. Siblingings: Wil ( brother) Meme ( sister)

My parents fostered me and my twin from five months old to about seven years old. In that time span she was able to have two children naturally. She thought she couldnt have kids initially and thats why she became a fostered parent. Boom! She ended up with four kids. My twin and I was seven, Wil was five, and Meme was probaby a year old.  I am the oldest of four and the second youngest of six. I am older than my twin brother. Talk about awkward middle child!

So seven siblings and two that do not want to meet me which is okay. That’s basically the simplified version of things.

[adoptionfamilysupportcenter]

Be on a mission to be the best you can ... 🏆 #imonamission #ican #adoptionandfamilysupportcenter #youarenotalone #adoptionmatters https://www.instagram.com/p/By42OoBFuWO/?igshid=175smr4u7qcai

[louisa1986]

My wonderful trio, Draco had to show off by doing 'beg' love their wonderful faces. #lurcher #lurcherofinstagram #longdog #salukicross #sighthound #sighthoundlife #sighthoundlove #dogfriends #trio #seniordog #seniordogofinstagram #blackdog #whitedog #browndog #beg #dogtricks #dogtongue #adoptdontshop #adoptionmatters #bestdogfriends #bestfriends #straydogs #woodgreenanimalshelter #dogs #love (at BARKway Dog Park and Retail) https://www.instagram.com/p/BoXXUcaFT0f/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=7krywplqaoi7

[selectednotexpected]

Sib-stravaganza!

We had a ball!

Check back for more deets on our weekend!

[louisa1986]

Harry maybe old but he's still got it! #dogsrunning #fastdogs #bestdogfriends #bestfriends #lurcher #lurcherofinstagram #bulllurcher #staffiex #greyhoundcross #seniordog #blackdogs #whitedog #saluki #salukicross #longdog #sighthound #sighthoundlife #sighthoundlove #sighthoundinstagram #rescuedogs #rescuedogofinstagram #dogs #adoptdontshop #adoptionmatters #happydog #happy