#iamadopted

[sweetlittledaisy7]

Don't abort, give your baby up for adoption.

I'm tired of hearing this. I'm also tired of hearing people say since I'm adopted I have to be for adoption and encourage adoption and not abortion.

When people say this it hurts me. It makes me feel as if kids are just an item to be thrown around and given away. Just give it up for adoption. I'm hurt by this. It makes it seem like adoptees are just toys given away it ignores everything else.

I'm hurt my birth mom gave me up. Mothers should want and fight for their kids but she didn't fight for me. She didn't want me. That hurts. The woman that gave birth to you doesn't want you. It seems like nobody thinks about what they're saying. Being adopted is very hard. I've been to counseling before because I cut myself and had depression. Everything is confusing for me. As I got older, I started understanding things more and more. I was confused about where I fit in and who I was. I still feel unwanted. Being adopted isn't something to joke about. It's not easy. Saying just put your baby up for adoption and don't abort is not only rude but it hurts adoptees like me. It means my birth mom didn't care about me enough to keep me. It means people don't understand adoption.

I see people say there are couples waiting to adopt. I think it's good because there are kids waiting to be adopted, like kids in foster care. I've connected with a few foster kids on here and some who were adopted from foster care. There are so many kids who need homes. If there are so many couples then they should adopt these kids because these kids need families to love them.

I'm an adoptee. My parents only adopted me because they're infertile and couldn't have kids. My mom had miscarriages. They did fertility treatments but that didn't work. So then they turned to adoption and my birth mom chose them to be my parents. I'm pro-life but I don't believe in the just give it up for adoption. My birth mom could've aborted me. I don't know if that was an option, but she chose to put me up for adoption. That was her choice. If adoption wasn't a choice then what? Just because I'm adopted that doesn't mean I have to support adoption. I do support adoption because I'm adopted and there are many kids who want to be adopted but I don't have to if you get what I'm saying. I also don't have to be pro-life and against abortion but I am because that's my own personal beliefs. I'm a Christian and I believe children in the womb are just as important as children outside the womb. God made each one of us unique and special. I wouldn't abort my pregnancy because that's a life. However, I don't care what others do. That's between themselves and God. It's not my choice. I can only worry about myself.

So please everyone stop saying just put your baby up for adoption. It's wrong to say. We need to show people love not hate.

[aerialklove]

My Adoption Story ( Overview)

Hey friends! So I wanted to give somewhat of an overview of my adoption story so you dont have to scroll through almost 900 post to figure out what I am talking about!! 

My name is Aerial and I am twenty-six years old. I am from Virginia here in the U.S. I was born as a twin. By the time we were four months old we were taken out of our biological home and placed in foster care. Not only were we placed, my older sister Quan was placed, my first cousin was placed and we all were basically seperated however the social workers kept me and my twin brother together. 

I recently found out that my birth mother P. did not leave us in an apartment by ourselves ( me, my twin brother, Quan, and two of our first cousins) her late sister did. Between the ages of four months to nine years old left with a druggie alcoholic lady. 

My birth mother raised all Hell in the social workers office trying to get us back but unfourtnately over the course of the next five years she was deemed unstable to care for her five children.  My foster parents now my adoptive parents had just secured three acres of land, built a two story house and had two kids naturally. We were legally adopted by the time we were seven years old.

I found out I was adopted around the age of eleven or twelve however I had a feeling around nine that I was different and I started asking questions. I am Black and my adoptive family is Black so nobody really mentioned anything. “Why are their no baby baby pictures of me?” “ Why are there no ultrasound pictures of me? Nobody really had the answers for me. I was putting clothes in the washing machine in the basement and I tripped over a small box. I picked up all the letters to put them back and one had my name on it but my name was different. It was court case papers that confirmed my adoption. My mom found out and she was not very happy. 

Condensed Version

I found my biological siblings on facebook and we met in the summer of 2010. My birth mother called me on my 18th birthday we had a secret phone relationship until I met her in a hospital for people with mental conditons. I met my birth mother’s father side of the family and my biological father in the course of the next three years. 

I started this blog in 2013, I think, just to really get my thoughts down becaue I didnt really have anyone to really talk to honestly about how I felt and found a beautiful community of adoptees, people who dealt with foster care, adoptive parents, biological parents, and advocates of the adoption triad. 

Yes I have been on this journey since I nine. I have experience the positvie and the not so positive...trying to escape generational traps, being a good daughter to both my mom and birth mother, acceptance and rejection...and the joy of being an Aunt to all these kids that I adore with my whole heart ( three nephews and two nieces). I can truly say I wouldn’t go back and change it if I could and I hope sharing my story will inspire you to do to the same.

Feel free to reach out to me. PM me for contact info outside of tumblr. Take care of yourself! 

Peace & Love ~A.

[refocused-life-adopted]

September 10, 2020

I confess that when I heard other adoptees talk about defogging, I thought, 'what a bunch of malarkey. I couldn't hear the message, so I dismissed it. And now, I totally get it. I was conditioned to go along with it was all for the best narrative and that I should just be grateful. The irony is that I was given advantages in life that I may or may not have been provided with my natural family. I will never know. But that's not the point.

I started to change while reading the non-identifying information in my adoption file; I found it a little disturbing. My mother was a thirty-one-year-old Registered Nurse and a Maternity Ward Supervisor at Carilion Roanoke Memorial Hospital in Roanoke, Virginia. Talk about weird irony. The most disturbing thing about being separated from my mother is that she didn't want to hold me!! I never realized what a big deal that was until recently.  

The more I listened to other adoptees, the more I understood myself and how much I didn't understand how my mother's separation at birth affected my life. I am a survivor - I am not a victim

I look at the adoptee defogging process as a second puberty. It was a confusing time transitioning from a child into a teenager. Seemingly overnight, my voice changed without any warning, my hormones turned me into an angry teenager. That used to be a recurrent theme.

So here I am, someplace I never thought I would be. What I mean to say I felt that the 'adoption thing' was over, it wasn't I was still haunted, so I couldn't really move on. To be continued...

#adopteevoice

#adoptiontrauma

#survivor

#fog

#adopteeblogger

#identity

#iamadopted

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Dave Brown (@my_refocused_life) on Sep 10, 2020 at 11:27am PDT

[greendogfoundation-blog]

We are so excited to Announce the Adoption of Sweet, Adorable and precious Baby Ruth! This little 10 month old dark hair terrier was just too cute and tiny and vulnerable to leave at the shelter...Baby Ruth is now Lulu and dearly loved by her family and big fur brother Cutter❤. Now the Williams Family has gained a new family member and we couldn't be more happier...Happy Life Sweet Lulu you are something special... #fosterfailure #iamadopted

[glitzglitterglamoure]

Hey y'all! If you stop by Wendy's and get a cup that looks like this, be sure to complete the challenge on the back! Every time you use #Share4Adoption, Wendy's will donate $5 to the Dave Thomas Foundation for the Adoption to help find families for children in foster care, with help from their partners The Coca-Cola Company and Dr Pepper. #adopt #foster #iamadopted

[aerialklove]

Contacting My Birth Mother or Not?

I broke my kneecap ( fractured my right patella bone) a little over a month ago. I had surgery on the 8th of Feb. My birth mother came to see me the next morning. She met my boyfriend and was showing affection towards me as a mother would. 

Not to long ago she was in the same hospital admitted for a slight overdose on drugs. She made it to the hospital in time. I remember visiting her by myself a couple of times and thinking “ Could she have been a mother to me?” That same thought came to my mind as she was visiting me. I was sitting there trying to be present and aware of my feelings. I wasn't in pain..at the moment...so I was pretty upbeat. 

She told me to give her a call when I could. The first three weeks out of the hospital was brutal on my mental and my emotional safe. I could barely do anything physically. I didn't want to talk to anybody. Her birthday came around and I didn't call her. I did send her a text. I told her I wasn't feeling well and that I was actually pretty down. She texted me and told me that she loves me and I believe her. However, creating a healthy boundary is necessary for me at this point in time.

All I have ever wanted was my birth mother in my life. Once we initially got in contact almost ten years ago I was so excited and eager to get to know her. Once I met her in person and was able to put a face to the voice I became really sad honestly. Why? Because she became real, tangible and not a fantasy in my mind. She couldn't be what I imagined..anymore. As time went on I thought having her in my life and meeting family would feel a void but it ultimately didn’t. Not all of it anyway. So there I was. I accomplished finding my bio family which sadly a lot of adoptees are not able to do but now at that point in time, I felt lost all over again.  At 24 I was angry because I thought that would fix me. It didn't because I didn't know who I was or wanted to be. I began to spiral internally which lead me to therapy.    

All that to say: The hardest decision I am and have been making is when and how much I allow my birth mother to be in my daily life. I love her so much. I appreciate who she is and her life. Even when people say “ How can you love someone who left you at the most vulnerable time of your life?”  I say “ Forgiving her and forgiving myself ( A whole post by itself) That’s how I am able to love her and accept love from her. It is very hard. There are days when I want/need to hear her voice to settle my heart and there are days when I am not emotionally capable to hear her voice in my heard. I am grateful for all the days. 

So, for now, I am focused on healing and regaining the use of my right leg!

I would love to hear your thoughts!

[clearestpurple]

Mom thinks I’m possessed oh my gosh no I just have my freaking period what kind of sorcery is this I can’t take this anymore I need to go out and get a drink I just want to be with my long-distance friends right now this is just not right

[sweetlittledaisy7]

Why do adoptive parents lie or keep things from kids?

I don't understand why. Why not talk to them about the truth? Why keep things from them? Why lie?

[aerialklove]

My Twin Is Not Interested In Biological Family...

I have always known that my twin brother was not interested in biological family. It was apparent when we were kids catching on to our personality difference from our younger siblings and the fact that we looked different from our parents. My twin felt like he was not wanted and that’s why we ended up here. I felt like something must have went terribly wrong and that’s why we ended up here.

He told me Saturday night that he was not interested and is still not interested. I understand. I do. I asked him “ What about your son?” He said “ He has me?” and who do you have? He said “ I have you.” ( Basically thats what he said) I thought to myself...this is where my issues start with my twin. I usually do the work and he comes up the rear and bennefits but people tend to gravitate to him more. I researched birth family names, I met people, I formed relationships, I did all these things and then he’s is able to just be connected. I have been called jealous for that. I am not jealous. I am angry because he had the same opportunities to make the same strides I did but because of his preconceived notion that he wasn’t wanted ( when clearly he was) and the lack of an open mind and being “content with his situation” ...I have been handling all of it and basically including him the the tagline. I guess your cant have Aerial without Aaron being to far behind. 

I love my twin brother and would do anything for him. The first thing my birth mother told me whe we talked on the phone for the first time is to protect my brother. The first promise that I ever made to my birth mother was that I will protect him. I wish A. was more open minded but as an adoptee I get it and I dont try to push it with him. Eventually he will have to deal with the things.

[sweetlittledaisy7]

Words Matter For All

What we call people matters. If it didn't, why do people get so upset about sharing the word "mom" with birth moms or get upset hearing what about the real mom aka birth mom.

Why do people get so bent out of shape when asked to think about the impact of their words?

I mean if I were to say my birth mom is my real mom then I'm guessing everyone would scream my adoptive mom is my real mom. If I were to say my adoptive mom is my real mom everyone would be happy and say it's a fact.

If I were to call my birth mom mom, I'm guessing people wouldn't be happy.

If my adoptive mom or myself called my birth mom and dad an egg and sperm donor then everyone would be happy with it.

People correct me all the time when I'm talking about my birth parents. We have to remember words matter for all. Not just for adoptive parents.

I can call my adoptive parents babysitters but I would get hate right? If I called my birth parents egg and sperm donor I would get likes and hugs. Nobody would try to defer me from calling my birth parents and egg or sperm donor. They would defer me from calling my adoptive parents babysitters.

I'm starting to notice this theme in adoption and it's not fair at all. My birth parents are not an egg or sperm donor. My birth parents are real. My birth mom is a mom. My birth dad is a dad. We have to remember how words impact others too.

Now I do get what about your real mom and dad. I was actually confused by this when I was younger but now I try to get where people are coming from. My parents are my parents. They are real. They adopted me. My birth parents are real and they are parents. They just aren't my parents if that makes sense. Everyone is real. This isn't a cartoon.

I also have people tell me I have to choose I can't have more than one mom and dad or the people who raised you are mom and dad. Well, who says that? I have one mom and one dad. I have a birthmom and a birthdad. The people who raised me and adopted me are mom and dad but just because you've raised a child doesn't mean you are mom and dad, if that makes sense. I don't understand why I can't choose all of them;my parents and my birth parents. Just because my birth parents didn't raise me doesn't make them less than. I hate it when people think my birth parents are nothing and should mean nothing to me or I should be happy only with my adoptive parents.

If I decided to say my birth mom is my mom or my birth dad is my dad I should be able to say that. If I say they're all parents then I should be able to say that. I wouldn't be here without my birth parents. I also wouldn't be here without my adoptive parents. We don't need war but we need to be mindful of our words.

[aerialklove]

Are You A Bastard Child? An Adoptee Perspective....

<<<<<< Trigger Warning >>>>

Yesterday my less than sober dad came to the house and my mom was not particularly in the mood for it. I was sitting on the bed making sure my dad didnt touch my knee or my leg brace. My sister Meme was on the other side. It was raining and my dad was trying to get me to ride to the store with him and Meme. I cant drive at the moment. My mom said I shouldnt go because I could slip on the porch or slide on the steps. My intoxicated dad ( Meme was going to drive) said “ I am her father and she can go!” I said “ technically he is” as a joke. I like to pop a few here and there. Meme said “ Who is your father? Melvin?” I said “ No that’s my grandfather.” My mom said “ T.”  Meme said “ Oh that’s right! I said “ Thats what they told me but who knows? “ Again another joke. Meme said “ Are you a bastard child?” in a serious tone. My mom nipped the convo in the bud right there because I think it started to get a little sensitive for her.

Am I a bastard child? Well my bio parents were not married...ever. So I was born out of wedlock I guess. I never really explored my feelings about my biological father. He was in jail when I was an infant but I have the letter he wrote from jail and I met him about three or four years ago. I feel a void but honestly not as big as the one that I felt before I met my birth mother. 

There is some saddness that lingers. I dont know if I can trust the info that I have or the fact that B. could be my bio father. I decided that had gone far enough in my journey of finging answers. This is the only stone that I have yet to unturn and its a little more complicated than I anticipated. A DNA test would turn the stone over but I havent gotten there yet. I dont know if things will get there.

Did the question hurt my feelings? Not really. Meme sincerley was wondering as a biospawn would. I didnt give her an answer because I believe she knew the answer. Thoughts?

[aerialklove]

Breakdown of my Biological Family vs. The Family that raised me...

Biological Family

Birth Mother: P. Biological Father: T Siblinging on my birth mother side: Roddy (brother), Tee (sister), Quan ( sister), A. ( twin brother)

Sibling my my biological father side: S. ( sister) Quan ( sister) A. ( twin brother)

So me, Quan and A. are full siblings.  However... Tee and Roddy’s father believe’s I am his biological dauther because I look exactly like his son! There has been no DNA test done though. So do I know who my biological father is for real? Nope but I love all of my siblings. 

Adoptive Family 

Momma: S. Dad: N. Siblingings: Wil ( brother) Meme ( sister)

My parents fostered me and my twin from five months old to about seven years old. In that time span she was able to have two children naturally. She thought she couldnt have kids initially and thats why she became a fostered parent. Boom! She ended up with four kids. My twin and I was seven, Wil was five, and Meme was probaby a year old.  I am the oldest of four and the second youngest of six. I am older than my twin brother. Talk about awkward middle child!

So seven siblings and two that do not want to meet me which is okay. That’s basically the simplified version of things.

[sweetlittledaisy7]

Came across this and it's interesting to me.

[aerialklove]

My Birth Mother Meets My Boyfriend...

After my knee surgery my birth mother came and visited me in the hospital. B. had stayed overnight even thought I told him that I was okay and he should go get some rest. Before this happened I was skeptical of him meeting her. P.’s condition tends to make her emotions unpredictable respectively. I was worried if B. would be able to handle this. I didn't want him to be scared or worried about me. They have talked on the phone once prior to this but in person is totally different.

I remember being nervous. P. knew that his is my first relationship. She didn't know B’s ethnicity. I didn't tell and she never really inquired. I remember being nervous and I had no appetite. There is no privacy in a hospital either. I had an A room so my space was next to the door and everybody was coming through there. When my birth mother showed up I was genuinely glad to see her but still really nervous. “ P. this is my boyfriend Billy!” I said it as happily and upbeat as I possible could. She shook his hand and just looked at me in amazement and seemed happy for me. She didn't stay very long but she did send me a text which was pretty cool. 

I didn't call her for her birthday because I just was not feeling good. That was a hard week for me. I was dealing with recovering and not being able to go anywhere and I just didn't want to talk to anybody. I hope she can understand. I did send her a text. B. and I haven't really talked about it but I would like to know what he though about his meeting.

I was relieved because P. seemed stable. She seemed upbeat and happy too. I was prepared for the cycle of her emotions but that didn't happen. It was the most “normal” encounter I have had with her actually. I am not sure when I am going to see her in person again.