#Aggressor patch

[nocternalrandomness]

USAF 65th Aggressor Squadron Patch - Nellis AFB

[maxdibert]

Okay ill go with what you say and admit they did bad things but whys all thst class stuff relevant like okay you like to use that division but its..not everything its all about?

Talking about the relationship between James and Severus without addressing the issue of class is a mistake that perpetuates a partial and distorted view of their conflict. Too often, the bullying that James inflicted on Severus is minimized under the idea of a simple "rivalry," when in reality, the power structure between them was tainted from the start by the material and symbolic inequality that separated them. James Potter, the son of a wealthy pureblood family, raised in an environment of privilege and without economic worries, exercised violence over Severus Snape, a working-class child, abused at home, with evident economic hardships and no social capital to support him. This is not a simple fight between equals, but a clear example of how class structure influences dynamics of abuse and exclusion.

Bullying does not occur in a social vacuum; it responds to the same power structures that govern the adult world. Authors like Bourdieu have developed the concept of capital in its multiple forms: economic, social, and cultural. James Potter had access to all of them. Coming from a wealthy family, he possessed economic capital, which translated into a life without deprivation, new clothes, access to goods and resources, and the certainty that any misstep would not compromise his future. His social capital was even more decisive: he was the son of a respected family in the magical community, with a strong support network and a position of prestige at Hogwarts that protected him from any real consequences for his actions. His cultural capital, reinforced by his pureblood lineage and upbringing in an elitist environment, allowed him to navigate power spaces within the school with ease. None of this was available to Severus Snape.

Severus was a working-class child, the son of an abusive man and an impoverished witch. His patched-up clothing and unkempt appearance were not a choice but the result of his material position. He grew up in a depressing industrial neighborhood, a space marked by precariousness and lack of opportunities. Within the Marxist framework, Snape represented the exploited class: without his own resources, without a support network, and without access to the benefits of the upper class, he could only survive through his intelligence and individual effort. His mixed-blood lineage also placed him in an intermediate position within the magical world, always inferior to the purebloods who dominated Hogwarts' social sphere. This is why talking about a "rivalry" between James and Severus is a misrepresentation of the facts: there was no equality of conditions, no level playing field. What existed was a rich boy using his social and economic power to humiliate a poor boy who had no tools to defend himself.

James Potter's classism is reflected in the way he chooses his victim. He does not harass other students of his same social class; instead, he preys on Severus, who is in an absolute position of inferiority. James exercises his abuse in public spaces, under the gaze of other students, aware that his status protects him from any retaliation. It is no coincidence that he is always the one initiating the harassment and that he does so accompanied by his friends, while Snape is alone. This is a classic manifestation of violence exercised from a position of power: it is based on impunity, on the certainty that the system will not intervene in favor of the victim because the aggressor is a legitimized subject within the social structure. James, like any child born into the upper class, learned from an early age that he could do whatever he wanted without real consequences because the world was designed to favor him.

Goffman speaks of stigma as a social marker that defines who is accepted and who is marginalized in a community. Snape embodies the stigma of poverty, domestic violence, and lack of resources. In the Hogwarts imagination, he is someone who does not fit the model of success and prestige represented by children like James Potter. This is key to understanding their relationship: James' aggression is not just personal but structural. Severus is not just Severus; he is the poor boy, the dirty boy, the boy who has no allies, the boy who will never be part of the winners' circle. In this sense, the violence he receives is not an isolated phenomenon but the manifestation of a hierarchy that placed him at the bottom even before he set foot in Hogwarts.

The argument that James "matured" and "changed" over time does not nullify the fact that his youthful violence was possible thanks to his privileged position. Within the meritocratic logic often applied to his story, we are told that James became a better person and that, therefore, his past should be excused. But this ignores that the underlying problem was never just his attitude, but the system that allowed his abuse to occur without consequences. When James finally "grows up," he has already enjoyed years of prestige, power, and acceptance. His change is not the result of a struggle against the system but a smooth transition within the same structure that always benefited him. Meanwhile, Severus remains trapped in the logic of the dispossessed: still alone, still marginalized, still without the resources to rewrite his story.

From a Marxist perspective, the story of James and Severus is not just a story of two children in conflict. It is the story of how social class defines who has the right to dignity and who must fight for it every day. It is the story of how the violence of the privileged is treated as "youthful pranks" while the anger of the oppressed is seen as a threat. It is the story of how the impunity of power allows the victors to write history and how those who have been humiliated are the ones who must bear the weight of their own suffering.

For this reason, no, there can be no talk of rivalry between James Potter and Severus Snape. Not when one had everything and the other had nothing. Not when one could exercise violence without fear and the other had to endure it without hope for justice. Not when the story of one is remembered as that of a reformed hero and the other as that of a resentful man without redemption. Because history, as always, is written by the victors. And in the world of Harry Potter, as in our own, the victors are almost always those born with privilege.

[ominous-faechild]

FAERIE'S DAWN (f7-1)

CHAPTER 7: NICE TO MEET "YOU"

CHARACTERS:

⚜ Nova “Me” Fae (pov) ⚜ Scamall O'Moyner ⚜ Spéir O'Moyner

SETTING:

[a wild, overgrown forest plane] [in the midst of talamhdé] [in a clearing within the forest] [afternoon; sunny w/ clouds]

approx. 1 BA 365 DAYS BEFORE {REDACTED} (talamhdé timeline)

story intro table of contents chapter one < last part next part >

word count: 1.2k

[It's calm and quiet. It's noisy and chaotic. Nobody's talking. Everybody's talking. They're in a forest. They're in a city. They're in crumbling ruins of the Old World. They're anywhere, everywhere, always.]

[Well… not everywhere, always. There were parts Nova couldn't reach no matter how hard they tried, that they could never manage to see. Then… there were those settlements.]

[The antithesis of their being.]

Voice: (hard and masculine) "Just carry them. You and I have both slept, and they still haven't woken up—we have no idea when they will, much less if it'll be any time soon."

Nova: [face twitches]

Nova: [takes a slow, deep breath as they shift, still half-asleep. Turns their head to swap the cheek they're laying on, then—]

Nova: [winces as light shines directly on their eyelids, painting their vision red]

[It's calm and quiet. They're in the middle of a wide forest plane, surrounded by wild woods. The make-believe sun filters through the leaves, beautifully shading the area. birds chirped and fae-creatures idly attended to their business, giving Nova a wide berth as they often did. All in all, it was a perfect day.]

[… and, without them looking or even trying to move it, a branch far above shifted to shade Nova's eyes, sparing her from the blinding light]

[Still, despite how pleasant Talamhdé was today, there was something that wasn't quite right…]

Fae: [scoffs, then hesitates… and finally sighs]

Voice: (soft and feminine, quietly) "fine."

[Two stronger concentrations of essence—indicative of a faerie or powerful monster—hovered near Nova's body. As she focused, their forms became clearer: one stood several feet away, their arms crossed, and the other was closing in on her]

Nova:

Kilrey: (smugly) "I can't believe you're still alive… I'd heard you died, Dhia." Kilrey: [slowly begins sapping her magic, drawing out his words as he does) "let me relieve you of—"

Nova: [freezes, breath catching and eyes flying open—]

Nova: [blinded by the sudden assault of light, but doesn't need her eyes to see, anyway. Warps themself several feet away, turned to face their aggressors, and threateningly emitting waves of flame]

[One of the faeries freeze, but the other quickly darts to shield the other's body with their own. That one was the stronger of the two—with a powerful, expansive domain. Alongside their shielding the other with their body, creates a strong barrier of wind behind themself]

[Smart. Because if they'd dared to attack…]

Voice: (startled, desperate) "wait!"

Nova: [at the same time, snarling, demands) "what do you want!? Who are you!? Don't you know—"

Nova: [but freezes, squinting and letting his flames die away, as his vision somewhat clears. Only somewhat, but enough for them to make out the faeries in front of him]

[They were two air faeries: both with sky blue skin painted with patches of white, resembling clouds. They both had white hair, though one's was long and straight, and the other's was an afro that turned into clouds... although they were quickly darkening as rain sprinkled from them]

Nova: [doesn't quite remember yet, but recognizes the faeries were familiar… even if it puts a pit of dread in his heart]

Faerie: [the taller, masculine of the two. They had a heart-shaped face, long white hair that flowed as though in the wind, and two sets of fae-ears tipped with pale feathers.]

Faerie: [eyes narrowed on Nova's; face twisted with an expression somewhere between hate and fear]

Faerie#2: [the smaller, effeminate of the two. They had a small-but-chubby face, a cloud-afro for hair currently drizzling rain, and were currently floating forward, pressing against the barrier their friend had formed]

Faerie#2: (desperately) "it's us! Don't you remember us from yesterday? You helped us leave Kilrey!"

Nova: [blinks in confusion, struggling—]

Nova: [and, finally, remembers the rest of the prior night. Before they'd taken down Kilrey, before the archfaerie had rushed to close in on him, and before that tavernkeeper had left to alert Kilrey of his presence]

Scamall: [face twisted in pain, her fae-ears drooping and brow furrowed in worry]

Spéir: [half-glaring at them, his jaw tensed. Has one arm raised slightly away from his chest—his essence threateningly arced around him in preparation for a fight—and the other held out in front of Scamall]

Nova: [face flushing, awkwardly stands up straight—having shifted into a battle-ready stance themself—and wraps their arms around themself as they look at the earth beside their feet]

Nova: [ears drooping, awkwardly) "… I thought I told you to go without me."

Spéir: [despite Nova dropping their offense, doesn't remove his wind-barrier protecting Scamall or drop his aggressively-positioned essence]

Nova: [tempted to swipe it away, but… eh. Figures that would only frighten him and make things worse between them] 😅

Nova: [… also suddenly noticing they had a lot more essence than they usually would after fighting off a belligerent archfaerie]

Scamall: [drifting forward, gently) "yes, but—"

Scamall: [pauses as she once again hits Spéir's barrier, then turns a glare onto him]

Scamall: [hair grey and flashing with lightning, irritably) "Spéir. Let me through."

Spéir: [flexing his jaw angrily, spares a glance at her over his shoulder]

Nova: [awkwarrrrrrdddddd] 😅

Nova: [glanced up as Scamall spoke at first, but quickly looks away during their exchange. Instead, awkwardly rubs her outer arms and shifts in place, uncertain about what to do]

[Or if they'd realized What She Was.]

Scamall: (voice hard) "you know they were just scared. They fainted after fighting an archfaerie!"

[Well. She hadn't realized, at the very least.]

Nova: [ears still drooping, awkwardly looks up to eye Spéir cautiously]

Spéir: [still looking back at Scamall; lets out a slow and angry sigh, but drops the barrier. Finally, crosses his arms and turns to look—]

Nova and Spéir: [accidentally lock eyes]

Spéir: [lip curls, hate clear in his eyes, and quickly looks away again]

Nova: … there's no way he'd act that way if he actually knew What I Am…? 😅

Nova: [finally, can't help a weak—yet pained—smile as a wave of relief floods through her body. She's safe. For the first time in a long time, she's around other fae and they're safe]

Scamall: [smiles back at Nova as she quickly crosses the distance between them, then takes Nova's hands in hers]

Spéir: [on the other hand, had quickly stepped forward behind Scamall, trailing her with his arms crossed like a bodyguard]

Scamall: (all the while, voice gentle and kind) "you tried to sacrifice yourself for us. Fae you didn't even know. And then you fought off an archfaerie. There was no way I'd leave you behind."

Nova: [heart skipping a beat and face emptying, unfocuses her eyes to look more closely at Scamall's aura]

Nova: 'no way I'd leave you behind'…? Because I'm powerful—?

Scamall: [but her aura is idle, not subtly sapping Nova's essence away]

Scamall: [brow furrows, a sad look crossing her face as she looks down at Nova]

Scamall: (gently) "fae? Is everything alright?"

Nova:

Nova: [taking an unsteady breath, drops his eyes and awkwardly takes his hands from Scamall's to press them against his legs]

Nova: this fae… they're not like Art. They're not—

Nova: [makes himself look up at Scamall, forcing a smile… though his furrowed eyebrows give him away]

Nova: (faux-cheerfully, voice cracking) "of course!"

That was an interesting way to begin the chapter... "the antithesis of their being", ey? What does that mean? What is "their being", and what is Nova's domain?

Regardless, it seems Nova has trust issues, and this "Art" is responsible for them...

story intro table of contents chapter one < last part next part >

dividers are from @thyming and @saradika

[captainqster]

One for each!

Ilya: 2. Has your OC always had a clear idea of the kind of person they would fall in love with? Were they right? Or do they have yet to find out?

Solis: 1. Is your OC a "good sport"? Or do they bristle at the first sign of disrespect or mockery? How far can people go with teasing them?

Lidell: Is breaking the law sometimes justified in your OC's view? Or is this something they would consider only under the most dire of circumstances - if at all?

I've been dying to get to the asks in my inbox but it was a rough week. Today's the day! (that i start, at least)

I love the questions you sent over. They feel very appropriate for each person you gave them to. I hope you are ready for some Boys

Ilya: Ilya doesn't think about falling in love, he just does it. And he does it fast! Growing up he thought he'd partner himself with his childhood friend, Ishta, and being kept from returning to his village later on is a source of great heartache for him. She was playful, quick to smile, and let him patch up her scraped knees with an endearing sniffle.

It's no wonder that Ilya then fell for Junichi, his forbidden Hyuran lover who was just as quick to smile - and as warmly as the sun.

And Gia? Talk about smiles. Talk about beauty and charm. One might follow this pattern and think Ilya's type are those bright, sunny characters who light up a room, but that's not so. Are you a liar? Quick to kill, a bit lacking in empathy towards others? That's fine. Apparently all he needs is to be looked at like he's your world and he's done for.

Solis: Solis is an amicable man who can absolutely take some teasing. If you're a friend or with him in private he'll accept it with a sputter and a blush, or maybe a playful quip. However, there is a line.

He grew up amongst the elite and respect is currency. You don't make a fool of yourself in public, and you especially don't make a fool of someone else. At a gala? A fundraiser? Perhaps the birthday affair of a prominent civil figure?

There are expectations and rules here and he was raised on them. Go too far and he'll keep it humble, he'll handle it with grace, but just look at him. That's the face of a man who's about to destroy you socially and financially, and he'll send you a sympathy card afterwards.

Lidell: Lidell follows the law insofar as keeping himself out of unnecessary trouble. The only true law in his heart is the Green Word, and as an exile that's really more of a guideline these days.

He'll be on his best behavior while staying in the city, though that behavior can be considered questionable by more socialized folk. Lidell means no disrespect. He's just an old man who has his ways and his beliefs.

But what justifies breaking the law? Try to betray him or harm someone he deems innocent, or not even innocent but at an unfair disadvantage to their aggressor, and violence is on the table (much to the chagrin of a certain friend who's a bit better at the whole etiquette thing).

Meet him behind the Denny's Carline Canopy. He'll teach you a lesson in humility even if the local authorities don't much appreciate his methods.

[aestyl]

Coming Home

CW: Coming home to him after a trip away - Tighnari version, fluff, blood/injury mention, semi-graphic depictions of violence, hurt to comfort (kinda), Tighari goes feral (most likely ooc), reader has an electro vision, gn!reader, reader is a sword user, reader gets heavily injured. NOT PROOFREAD.

You’re finally home.

Vibrant eyes settle on the land of green before you, fondness lingers in their depths as you cast a glance in the direction of Gandharva Ville in hopes of catching sight of a familiar Forest Watcher. There is a delicate breeze in the air that sends thin wisps of your hair grazing over the smooth skin of your cheeks, giving you a gentle reminder of how Tighnari’s kisses used to feel before you left home. It had been a few weeks since your departure away from Sumeru, too many days and nights had passed since those beautiful brown-green eyes had bored into yours. It had been too many days and nights without the Forest Watcher’s lingering touch and the feeling of his breath whispering over your skin so deliciously.

Drawing a deep breath in, you take that first step into the land of your birth, dropping down from the ledge you stood on into the sea of green eager to welcome you back where you belong. Landing in a patch of Padisarahs, the strong earthy scent of home comes rushing into your senses without warning, causing the breath to leave your lungs for a moment. You were finally home. Casting a final glance towards the Chasm, you can’t help the happiness beginning to bubble in your chest, the promise of unshed tears burning behind your eyes forcing your feet to move in the direction you want to be heading, Gandharva Ville. You had been away for long enough, it was time to find your beloved partner and give him the attention he deserved after the extended period you spent apart.

After the expedition you took in Liyue to better research their flora and fauna, not even being surrounded by the calming presence of nature could fill the hole leaving Tighnari behind opened. While your journey had proved to be fruitful, you had longed for home the moment your feet left Sumeru and your darling Forest Watcher. As you follow the welcoming path leading to Gandharva Ville, the snap of twigs in the brush nearby grabbed your attention, hand waving as your sword materializes in your hand. The electro vision hanging from your hip begins to glow at the sight of Eremite Mercenaries pushing their way through the dense thicket, swords at the ready as if they had been waiting for you. Now, this was less than ideal with your growing need to find Tighnari as soon as possible, however, whenever the opportunity to rid Sumeru of these dregs came up you certainly wouldn’t refuse the offer.

Tension so thick you could cut it with a blade filled the air, and it was almost as if the birds had quieted down to witness the battle about to take place before them. A hushed whisper of a breeze ran its icy fingertips up your arm, but not even that could draw your attention away from the group of Eremites standing in front of you, both parties waiting to see who will make the first move. With the soft click of your tongue in annoyance, you pull a Vijnana-Phala mine from the side pocket of your bag and toss it at the feet of your aggressors. Before they have a chance to blink, it explodes and a thick green layer of smoke blinds them causing uproar from the group now afflicted with dendro. Slamming your foot into the earth below you, the vision on your hip all but sparks as purple cherry blossoms explode in the middle of the dendro field created by the mine.

The reaction between the two elements is quick and violent, sparks flying as it sends the Eremites flying backward in different directions until they are all motionless on the ground. Pity they didn’t put up much of a fight after all, huh?

“Y/N?”

A soft, almost tentative voice cuts through the air from the tree above you and the sound alone is enough to have your heart fluttering in your chest. Whipping around the ‘thump’ of feet hitting the ground, you’re not too surprised as a certain fox is rushing into your arms, his tail idly swishing behind him to convey his excitement upon your sudden arrival.

“You weren’t supposed to be back for another week.” Tighnari’s voice is muffled from where he has buried himself into your neck, hot breath fanning over the sensitive skin as he speaks.

Reaching up, you run your hands over the Forest Watcher’s back, a soft chuckle escaping as his tail only increases in speed to show his approval of the gentle touches. It had been too many nights without you by his side, and just when he thought he couldn’t take it anymore, you appeared like a light ready to guide the fog away. You were safe and had returned home to him.

“Tsk, what a lovely reunion between lovers, hm?” A mocking voice cuts through the air, succeeding in both ruining the mood and making the hairs stand up on the back of your neck.

Tighnari had reluctantly pulled himself from your chest the moment the voice rang out, placing himself between you and the group of Eremites that had silently come up the path during your brief interaction with your lover. His bow had already materialized in his hand, drawing it back just as the head of the arrow began glowing green, a soft blossom over the tip signaling he was ready to fire. There were four of them, three men and one woman with sharp blades drawn, ready to strike down their newfound targets if they dared to make any sudden moves.

“Now now, why the hostility? Tighnari, surely you realize you’re outnumbered here? Even with your little partner, you couldn’t possibly take all of us on. They don’t seem like…the strong type, if you know what I mean. Reactions are easy to trigger, why don’t we see i-”

Before the poor girl can finish her sentence, Tighnari releases his arrow without a second thought, especially as your name was brought into this. A soft whistle can be heard as the arrow flies through the air towards her head a sharp thoomp erupts from the area of impact, and as it sinks home, four dendro arrows break off of it, seeking out other soft spots of her body and slicing into her flesh with ease. No sound escapes from her, not a scream or gasp, only a soft thump as her body hits the lush grass below her comrades, her crimson blood staining the earth.

A whistle sounds just behind you and Tighnari, neither of you having time to react as pain ricochets up your arm, the sharp head of an arrow easily piercing into the flesh of your bicep, going clean through the tissue before landing in the grass a few feet away. It wasn’t often you got injured while roaming Sumeru so you had never had the chance to increase your pain tolerance much. What a curse that turned out to be, huh? Dropping your sword, your hand flies to the wound steadily trickling blood with a shrill cry, the pain nearly enough to make your legs buckle underneath you. Tears cloud your eyes in an instant as Tighnari whips around, brown-green eyes wide as the metallic scent of your blood fills his senses

Whoever shot you either wasn’t the greatest of shots, or their goal was simply to disarm you so Tighnari would have to fight alone. There is another soft whistle behind you as another allow comes flying from the brush, the sharp head sinking into the back of your right thigh with ease. Pain travels up your leg as your muscles tense up once more at the sudden injury to the meat of your thigh, and the only thing that keeps you from collapsing on the forest floor are the strong arms that wind around you.

“Y/N?…Y/N you need to focus on me.” Tighnari’s words are quick, but calm as a free hand cups your face, fingers tilting your chin up so your eyes can meet. The brown-green depths are full of concern as they lock with yours, flicking to do a full assessment of your wounds before he lets out a shaky breath. “Don’t touch the arrow, okay? Put pressure on your arm, I’ll finish this quickly, and then we can get you patched up.”

The Forest Watcher is quick to set you on the ground, making sure your wounds aren’t being strained before he is stood upright, bow materializing in his hand once more as he casts a glance towards your aggressors. One large, black ear twitches before he is drawing his bow back and releases, striking one of the greasy-haired Emerites in the chest without warning. Like his previous arrow, four dendro arrows break off and sink themselves into their target’s weak spots causing the man to crumple with a gargled cry. You feel as if you’re going to pass out with the pain clouding your mind, threatening to darken your vision as you struggle not to give in and pass out. Pressing your hand to the wound on your arm with as much force as you can muster, you focus on trying to stabilize your breathing, panicking won’t make Tighnari feel any better, you need to be strong for him.

Taking a few steps back, Tighnari pulls a Vijnana-Phala Mine from the satchel on his hip before tossing it in the direction of the two mercenaries still standing. As it hits the ground, it explodes and a thick layer of green smoke encircles the remaining men, causing them to react violently, shouting and waving their weapons in an attempt to strike the Forest Watcher.

“What’s wrong? Can’t see?” His voice is laced with so much anger that if the laws of nature would allow, he would be breathing fire with each spoken word.

Drawing back his bow once more Tighnari fires two arrows, one at each enemy that end up breaking into several smaller dendro arrows that strike their targets viciously, sinking between the gaps of their armor into the soft flesh underneath. His once friendly, open behavior has shifted into something darker and much more aggressive, since you have been brought into this ridiculous disagreement that should’ve ended days ago. You are his partner and he was supposed to protect you, he had failed at the one job he was supposed to maintain, and boy were these men regretting it now. Heavy footfalls can be heard from the brush behind you as Tighnari deals with the last of the Eremites forcing your brain to try and focus on the sound despite the pain.

Shit.

There is a tense moment of silence in your head as a hooded mercenary comes running from the brush behind you, his dagger is drawn and it feels as if time has come to a slow crawl. You know this man’s intentions the moment that your eyes catch the way his blade glints in the sunlight and your heart drops to your stomach.

He was going after Tighnari.

You’re on your feet in an instant, the pain of your wounds long forgotten the moment you discover that your partner is now in danger, he is too busy finishing off the others to realize what is going on. You knew that you couldn’t get to him in time to block the blow of the dagger, yet, as the weapon raises to deal a potentially fatal blow, an intense wave of determination washes over you. You can feel the buzz of energy on your hip as your vision activates, electro shooting you forward in a flash of purple light until your back connects with Tighnari’s, forcing the Forest Watcher to keep himself from tumbling forward.

“Y/N!?”

You don’t have the words to warn him of your intention to block the blow, the adrenaline pumping in your veins feeling as if it’s squeezing your vocal cords shut. You manage to raise your hand just as the mercenary’s dagger is thrust downward with enough force to cause a fatal wound, eyes squeezing shut as you brace for impact. The pain slicing through you hand forces a cry from your lips, your eyes snapping open to try and grasp what exactly had happened. Fuck it hurts. Unsurprisingly, the blade had gone clean through your palm and the pain nearly makes you rip your hand away if it isn’t for your attacker applying more pressure. His goal was to kill one of you, to avenge his comrades and these injuries now made you an easier target.

Before you have time to process the danger you’re in, the Emerite begins to apply force to the dagger forcing it towards your chest. The vision on your hip lights up once more as you push upward on the blade in return, your scream escapes through clenched teeth as you struggle to turn the tide of the fight. A purple aura radiates around your body, as your vision assists with giving you the strength needed to throw your head forward, connecting with the bridge of the mercenary’s nose and forcing him to take a few steps back. The dagger is ripped from your palm in the process, now that the blade as been removed there is nothing stopping the blood from oozing from the wound.

You’re hardly given a moment to breathe as the mercenary recovers from the blow you’ve dealt him, his blade stained crimson as he gets ready to charge once more. Just as he takes one step, six dendro arrows fly past your head and a fierce growl sounds in your ear as Tighnari presses against your back, his face centimeters away from your own. His eyes are all but blazing as he settles his gaze on you, not casting a second glance toward any of the fallen enemies as he goes to check your wounds.

“You idiot.” Tighnari huffs at you, brown-green eyes settling on the wound through your hand as he tugs bandages from his satchel, wrapping it the best he can so you don’t lose any more blood on your travel to Gandharva Ville. “If you ever do so-”

Reaching up with your uninjured hand, you cup Tighnari’s cheek warmly, thumb smoothing over the pale skin before your forefinger and thumb grip his chin, forcing your eyes to meet once more. You search his gaze for any sign of anger or resentment toward you, but after finding that there is none, you can’t help the laugh escaping your throat. Despite the pain radiating through your body, despite the crimson staining the earth below you. You were finally home. “Nari, I just need you to kiss me already.”

The Forest Watcher’s eyes widen slightly for a moment, almost as if processing your words, but you can’t bear the wait anymore. After your long stay in Liyue, as well as the shitshow you came back to, you’re not letting this moment slip away from you. Carefully tugging Tighnari’s face to your own, you waste no time in slotting your lips together in a much-needed kiss, hand shifting to grace over his ears after just a moment of being connected. The action forces an involuntary whine from the man’s throat and he is quick to pull away with a mock scowl, but it vanishes nearly as quickly as it had formed.

“Come on, let’s go get you patched up. I’m sure Collei will be pleased to see you’ve arrived home after a long time away.”

[verdemoun]

How would the couples in TW react to getting mugged?

pray for whoever is mugging them. focusing on couples:

charles and arthur: both are as ready to square up as the other. arthur is, by nature, the more aggressive of the pair. the mugger best hope they have a gun so arthur can break their wrist, take the gun, and leave it at that. if they have a knife, both would laugh and readily take the mugger in hand-on-knife combat

kieran and javier: javier absolutely sees red because he knows how important predictability and feeling safe is for kieran. getting mugged would be a month minimum long setback, so javier will attack before it happens. kieran knows he's dating a rabid coyote in human form, but that doesn't mean he's going to call javier off. he's quietly cheering until police arrive and then playing sweet innocent lad who needs his carer to get a get out of jail free card

john and abigail: john died for his wife. he'll gladly end up in jail for her. remember when abigail had to rein him in on the geddes' ranch? that dynamic never changed. abigail is slightly more determined to stop him getting in jail, but john's already died for her once. he'll fucking do it again. it is a lot of 'john, no'. that a mugger can barely hear over punches

bill and mac: what mugging? there might be a new patch of oddly green grass on the ranch, but they don't remember a mugging. missing person? that's unfortunate (they very barely changed their ways. bill was the aggressor, because he'd rather go to jail than lose mac. protecting mac is his only priority. they're just v good at getting away with murder)

bessie and hosea: bessie holds hosea's hands uncomfortably tight. hosea forces a smile and lets it happen. the mugger will never know how close they were to dying: despite bessie's best efforts, hosea (secretly) usually has a gun on him

jack and isaac (as cousins): everyone ends up in jail. isaac jumped in to defend jack and then jack jumped in to defend isaac. the mugger is probably in hospital. isaac and jack are both in holding but very pleased with themselves. they had less than $10 on their persons.

grimshaw and annabelle: grimshaw carries a gun. always, and unabashedly. if someone tries to mug her and annabelle, grimshaw is shooting to kill. hesitating cost her her life once, and it's not happening again.

[biscutpoo]

I watched the movie it ends with us, hadn't read the book before but I really enjoyed the movie. And now I'm imagining that but jerejean fic.

Jean falling in love with a guy who seems like he's everything you could dream of, but actually is abusive. Meeting Jeremy Knox and falling in love. Learning to say the abuse ends with me.

Idk who should play the abusive guy though because like...canonically Riko or Grayson would fit that role better but neither of them are charismatic or likeable enough to understand or justify Jean falling for them in the first place. So I'm kinda leaning towards Kevin??? But then it would break my heart for Kevin to be an abusive aggressor except like....idk it makes some sense?

Maybe they grew up together in the same abusive foster home. Riko dies early. They're both free. They were each other's comfort in the nest so of course they get married. And things are good. So what if sometime Kevin says things that sound exactly like Riko. So what if Kevin orders Jean to do things he doesn't really want to do or pushes Jean around when he's angry. It isn't Kevin's fault, he grew up with Riko, he was bound to pick up some bad habits. But Kevin is always so sorry. He patches up all of Jean's wounds. And this is loads better than the abuse Riko dished out so it isn't really abuse, right? Kevin drinks alot because he's hurting. Sometimes when he drinks he forgets where he is and hits Jean by accident. It's not Kevin's fault Jean can't do anything right.

It takes meeting Jeremy Knox who grew up in an abusive household before his mom finally found the courage to leave his dad to see jean's situation for what it is. And Jeremy is kind and Jeremy is patient and slowly Jean realizes that he loves Kevin yes. But they're not good for each other. There's too much pain in their past for them to stay together anymore.

[angelicguy]

new patch feels good. i think that the tekken 7 style that tekken 8 tries to remedy was accidentally recreated by giving everyone an insane amount of wall carry dmg and shit. from relatively small interactions from heat engagers. that made it feel like you needed to shoot your gun before they did every around. when the idea behind the removal of 11 frame counterhit moves was to stagger the interactions way more - instead of "1 mistake and you die instantly" tekken 8 has "1 mistake and youre eating another mix, and then if you guess wrong on that mix youre eating another mix." WHICH IN THEORY TO ME IS NOT ACTUALLY THAT BAD- because it means that there's more interaction! from a game design perspective quick t7 style ch moves are bad for the defender and aggressor because the aggressor is encouraged to do the same thing over and over because the reward for attacking is so great why branch out and use more moves. and the defender is Not. getting to play when they are in the middle of a combo. but in t8 instead of getting to interact at these junctures, the frame advantage that the game gives the defender at these heat engaging junctures/ after a lot of insane moves was literally too large. which means instead of getting combo'd, getting it over with taking your dmg, you are just getting bullied into a really bad guessing game 4 times. while still taking huge dmg if you end up guessing wrong at any of the junctures in the pressure. and if you guess right you get nothing and you took a ton of chip dmg for blocking all the heat shit.

the changes they made 2 nite are cool because the larger health pool and removal of wall stagger+reduction of heat engage frame advantage (down from fucking +17 to +9) mean that youre getting to interact at more junctures that you would previously just have to hold and there are more interactions period. more health = combos arent going to fucking explode you. you can poke more without worrying about losing all of your health and getting mixed at the wall if they guess right. and if you get heat engaged on, you dont have to just sit there while they burn their meter because you have way more leeway in how to answer that pressure. and when youre at the wall against certain characters, youre not getting wall staggered over and over for basic defense. i havent played ranked yet but i think from the matches i did play it felt way more like older tekken

[skulgan]

Hm? TDAC is getting AUs already?

Oh well, that means I can make AU designs of Flauford!

Freakshow!Flauford: An AI who makes up a side-attraction of abominable botany. His favorite kind of fertilizer is rotting meat. Also he smells like rotting meat. He's a walking rafflesia patch.

He's still as enigmatic as ever, though he's completely mute and his demeanor generally comes off as significantly more idly threatening, what with more eyes to stare at you with that never blink. Ever.

If you need to get something done with this version of Flauford, you get it done and leave. Otherwise, stay out of his garden. Who knows what he might do if you somehow annoy him...

Carnival!Flauford: A lesser AI who takes up a job as a maid and/or janitor! Whenever a game needs cleaning or a stain needs scrubbing, Flauford is on-the-spot for all of your cleaning needs!

This version of Flauford is far more polite and she actually blinks regularly! But still speaks gibberish - that only other AIs can decipher, no less.

Based on a sunflower, she's a little ray of sunshine for everyone to enjoy! Well, almost everyone. Fortunately, if a master or guest is being unruly, she does have one thing she can do - give the aggressor a sweet, lovely, absolutely paralyzing death glare. Works some of the time!

Freakshow AU made by @hootbon, Carnival AU made by @sm-baby! They are both cool and cool and cool and cool and c-

[spongeguyandlelouchvibridankia]

And here's the tumblr cut:

February 14, Friday, 1998.

Dear Diary,

Like, this is LITERALLY SOOOOO exciting! I’m writing to you from my seat for the 19:00 showing of The Borrowers, which hasn’t started yet. That starting time only just about gives me time to make it to the 19:30 showing of Titanic, with Gretchen, which means, if you add all the lengths of these movies up, plus commercials and trailers, that I should be about 5 minutes or so early to the other Ashleys coming out of their auditorium, and I can go back there and pretend I was there the whole time!

Complicated? Like, the MOST, diary, I know, but it’s worth it! Sharing Titanic with Gretchy on the official day of love… It just feels right, for some reason! Plus, we’ve had the most BOMB week ever, so why not keep it going?

Now, you might ask, Ashley A, how the WHOMPS are you gonna distract your friends, when they’re already suspicious of you? Won’t they notice you’re not in your seat? Who could EVER not notice you? You’re so pretty! Extremely astute observations, diary! But see, I don’t just have beauty, I have brains too! And I just so happen to know Ashley T had a strange run in with some walkie talkie…

‘Say, Ashley T…’, Ashley A whispered, the moment she closed her diary and looked up, thankful that the commercials hadn’t started yet. It was a shame to leave all her snacks and drinks behind, but eh, she could always buy more!

‘Yeah, Ashley A?’, Ashley T whispered back, leaning in, this time sitting next to Ashley A, as Ashley B had decided to give her a false sense of security by sitting at the other end. Feeling a bit bad, T suddenly added ‘Oh, and by the way, sorry we’re not seeing Titanic on Valentines Day like we agreed. Ashley B just felt like something else, I guess.’

Ashley A waved it off. By now, she was used to it. Plus, she had a Plan B… ‘Heh heh, I’m so witty.’, she thought, before continuing. ‘Oh, pshaw! I’m perfectly content, sitting here, watching a fun movie with my BFFS!’

Ashley T breathed out a sigh of relief. ‘Oh, goody! I thought that pesky guilt crap that’s been bugging me out lately would strike again!’

Ashley A rolled her eyes. Ashley T felt less like an aggressor and more like, well, a really dumb minion. She hoped that when all this was done, she’d be the easiest to convince of their friendship again. ‘Yeah, yeah, say, you DO know what this movie is about, right?’

‘If you were to ask Ashley B, it’s all about Bradley Peirce. I swear, she almost took a bite out of him in that standee…’, Ashley T giggled, shaking her head at that behavior. Why would anyone want him, when Floria Newbigin was right there? ‘Wait, that was another weird thought. Ashley A, could you slap me in the face?’, Ashley T asked, but Ashley A wasn’t listening, too busy panicking at her 1997 Unicef Flik Flak pink wristwatch. ‘I really gotta outtie…’, she thought.

‘Hey, if you need a slap, I can help!’, Ashley Q offered, far too excited to use physical violence as a tool.

Ashley T turned so red, she glowed in the dark cinema auditorium. ‘O-Oh my… Um, I’ll get back to you on that, once my heart stops pounding…’, Ashley T mumbled, sweating profusely. Ashley Q shrugged and went back to her Sour Patch Kids, popping 5 in her mouth.

That’s it, now or never, Ashley A had to go. ‘Hey, um, Ashley T, remember that walkie talkie you had a thrilling conversation with, exactly 12 days ago?’, she asked quietly, leaning over, and Ashley T nodded, leaning over too. ‘Of course! I miss that little friend!’

‘Well, did you know, that just like in this movie, which is about people who are small, there are also people who can turn small, perhaps even into walkie talkies?’, Ashley A tried, grinning. Thank goodness she had seen the movie yesterday, so she knew that was a wacky enough rule to fit the movie that was about to play.

‘Ooh, I didn’t know that!’, Ashley T bought the terrible lie easily, nodding excitedly. Did this mean her walkie talkie friend could come back?

‘Well, get this, I think I accidentally turned into one a few days ago, so, like, if I turn into one during this evening, don’t panic, and DON’T tell the other girls. It would SO embarrass me, and I’ve been through a lot, lately, you know?’, Ashley A brokered the deal, laying on the guilt trip thick. If anyone would fall for such a lie AND follow through, it was Ashley T.

Ashley T, who felt bad enough for all Ashley A had gone through, saluted obediently. ‘Absolutely, Ashley A! You can count on me! I know all about embarrassing secrets! Why, just last week I was hallucinating about the Backstreet Boys again and they were telling me…’

‘Yeah, yeah, the Backstreet Boys hallucination, we’ve all had that…’, Ashley A whispered while slinking out of her seat, not really listening, else she would have acknowledged that she definitely never had something like that before. Getting into a racer’s position, she looked back to make sure. Yes, the Walkie Talkie with a wig that looked just like her hair was seated perfectly. Now, she just had to hope that her friends were dumb enough to both fall for it AND not notice her.

And you all know what kind of story this has been so far.

Dashing off, Ashley A didn’t even catch the first commercial, giving her enough time to find Gretchen (it was a pretty big cinema). Hearing the whoosh, Ashley T looked around, then noticed that Ashley A’s seat was now occupied by a walkie talkie with a honey blonde wig. ‘Oh my gosh!’, Ashley T whispered, grabbing both of her cheeks like she was in Home Alone. ‘Ashley A’s turned into a walkie talkie! Just like she said! How coincidental!’

Stroking the walkie talkie’s hair, she made a solemn vow. ‘Don’t you worry, A! I won’t say a word until you heal! But if you can talk here and there, it will help!’

Ashley A, who was already out the doors and marching past an usher, lifted the mic and spoke. ‘Sure thing, Ashley T!’

Ashley T smiled at that, pleased. ‘That’s very kind of you, Ashley A!’

Ashley A shook her head in amusement. How the heck was Ashley T this dumb? But she didn’t have time to marvel at the Tomassian family’s lack of brain cells. She HAD to reach Gretchen, and fast! Running faster, chunky black dress shoes click clacking away at the deep ocean blue fuzzy carpeted floor with neon green and purple hoops colored on it, Ashley dashed past upcoming posters for Dark City (‘Ooh, that looks spooky!’), The Big Lebowski (‘That looks weird!’), and Chairman of the Board (‘Carrot Top, I love Carrot Top!’), but she couldn’t dash past the usher busy cleaning up the floor from an Icee Cherry mess. ‘Ap, ap, ap! No running in the halls!’, he cried, grabbing her with one hand while still mopping with the other. ‘Like, what is this, a school?!’, Ashley cried out, straightening her clothes. She wouldn’t look messy next to Gretchy! Pointing accusingly, she tapped the man on the chin multiple times. ‘I’ll have you know, I’m your top customer by far! Your boss won’t be pleased with this!’

‘Won’t be pleased with my reprimanding of a misbehaving child? You have QUITE the opinion of yourself!’, the usher commented, raising a most unimpressed eyebrow, which raised his monocle. ‘I’m not the one wearing a crappy Monopoly Man costume.’, Ashley stuck her tongue back, which made the usher even more annoyed. ‘Don’t talk back like that, you… You brutish child!’

Ashley had to get out of this guy’s grasp, stat, or she was gonna miss out on her movie date with Gretchen! ‘Date as in a friend’s playdate, and not any other meaning of the word, of course.’, Ashley elaborated to herself, though she wasn’t sure why she did. ‘Perhaps I could convince you with a little help from my green friends…’, Ashley began, smirking like a cat, slowly raising a few Ashley bucks from her previous bribery attempts.

‘YOU KNOW GOBLINS?’, The usher asked excitedly, which creeped out Ashley A. ‘Like, yeah… Not?’, Ashley asked, confused.

‘Yeah not?’, the usher retorted, even more confused.

‘Yeah.’

‘...Not?’

‘Yeah.’

‘So yes.’

‘No, I mean, yeah not means no.’

‘Why not just say no?’

‘...I don’t know.’

The two stood there in silence for a moment, then Ashley A looked up at the wall clock and knew she was gonna be late like this, so she pointed to the other side of the hall. ‘Look, goblins or whatever!’

‘WHERE?!’, the usher asked, and with that distraction achieved, Ashley A kicked him in the butt, sending him crashing to the ground. With this time bought, she darted away, giggling like a madwoman. ‘See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya!’, she called out, unable not to mock a little bit.

The usher, dusting himself off, narrowed his eyes in determination. ‘Whoever you are, puny, annoying girl, I will have my revenge, or my name isn’t Hans Rotwood!’, he shook his fist in rage, only to slip in the cherry icee. ‘Okay, seriously, you might as well get a Dr. Pepper, at least it would be easier to clean than this junk!’

Ashley didn’t hear this because she was a bolt of lightning, leaping over couches, ducking past standees, even sliding through the legs of numerous moviegoers. ‘That was more entertaining than what we just saw.’, one baseball cap wearing kid said, and all 6 of his siblings agreed, as the auditorium behind them revealed they had just watched Blue Brothers 2000. After some more running and dodging, plus a quick bathroom break (So she had quickly snuck a few drinks of her Diet Coke, so what?), Ashley finally bounced and landed on the fake Hollywood walk of fame star by the entrance, grinning and bowing at her cool move. Leaning on the doorway, she did her best to look all stylish and slick, raising an eyebrow and blowing a strand of hair off her face. ‘Hey, G, ‘sup? Who, me? I wasn’t waiting long, don’t worry. Worth every second.’

‘Good to know, because I waiting quite a few minutes.’, Gretchen suddenly teased, her voice coming from behind Ashley. Leaping into the air like a scared kitty cat, Ashley turned around, hair on all ends, seeing that Gretchen had been sitting on one of the golden couches near the main ticket stand and concessions stands, right below posters for “The X-Files”, “Saving Private Ryan” and “Star Trek: Insurrection”. She was dressed the same as always, though now also armed with one of her father’s chocolate brown coats, since she was a little cold in all this air conditioning. She also had a sequoia brown newsboy cap on, to keep her head warm, and Ashley found both quite charming. Sheepishly stepping up to her, whistling innocently, she lied ‘Oh, um, I knew that! I was just, um, practicing before we met!’

‘Sure.’, Gretchen “bought” it, patting the seat by her gently. They still had some time, and she wanted to find something out first before they saw the movie. ‘So, um, how did you get rid of the others?’

‘Walkie talkie trick. Trust me, Ashley T’s dumb enough to fall for it.’, Ashley waved it off, trying not to brag, which was hard, especially when Gretchen’s praise always made her heart race. Gretchen snorted, nodding. ‘That sounds about right.’

She then grimaced a little, apologetic. ‘I AM sorry that this replaced your annual Ashley sleepover, though, not to mention you’re not gonna get to see those movies you were gonna see with them. The Borrowers and The Wedding Singer, right?’

‘Oh, don’t worry, I watched those yesterday.’, Ashley reassured her, placing both her legs on the coffee table. Gretchen made her drop then and raised an eyebrow at this. ‘Ashley, don’t you ever think your family has TOO much…’

‘Oh, reminds me, I have to buy snacks and drinks for myself again, since I had to buy with them to avoid suspicion, so I’ll pay for yours too while we’re at it! If that doesn’t seem like too much of a donation, you know? Don’t wanna be THAT kind of rich friend.’, Ashley asked, hoping she wasn’t overstepping. As she gazed into Gretchen’s eyes with worry, Gretchen gazed back with incredulous disgust. ‘Ashley, you’re turning me into a communist.’

‘Ooh, is that, like, some kinda sciency thing? Do illuminate me, Ms. Grundler!’, Ashley asked excitedly, always up to learn something new from her bestie. Gretchen simply sighed and chuckled to herself. ‘Maybe another time.’

Suddenly, she shivered, rubbing her hands together and blowing. ‘Gosh, this place is way colder than I remember! It’s February!’

‘Well, it’s February in our part of Pennsylvania. You know how “cold” it usually is.’, Ashley reminded, and Gretchen nodded, agreeing. ‘You did get quite the nice tan line a few days ago thanks to it.’

‘I know, right?’, Ashley finally did brag, showing off her arms. Then, sighing happily, she leaned back on the couch. ‘Just another thing I love about this place. So comfyyyyy…’, she sunk deeper into the couch, then tugged Gretchen’s coat sleeve. ‘Sink with me.’

‘Isn’t that reserved for the ship?’, Gretchen joked, and Ashley laughed, only to immediately tear up. ‘Oh my god, yes, I’m gonna have to see that AGAIN! For the 6th time!’

‘So, um, surely it isn’t AS heartbreaking the 6th time?’, Gretchen asked, confused, but Ashley bawled further, blowing her nose on a pink handkerchief (but of course). ‘Oh, Gretchy, you’re about to understand that that statement is MOST scientifically untrue.’

‘Heh.’, Gretchen lightly chuckled at that, then tried to sink in too, but it was almost too comfy, somehow. ‘I am NOT used to this place. I go here about once a year, twice at best.’

‘Well, as you know, this is my home away from home. Besides the Clubhouse, of course. I think I’ve spent more time here than with my mother.’, Ashley informed, unaware of just how sad that was. Gretchen did notice, but she elected not to comment on it. Today was a happy day, after all. A day of love.

Speaking of love… Gretchen gulped as she felt the contents of her coat pocket. This would be hard, especially after recent revelations. She didn’t want Ashley to get the wrong idea!

…Right?

‘...You know, it’s really nice that I can share this place with you.’, Ashley suddenly said, turning all misty eyed and wry. She slowly unsunk herself and looked towards the main hall. ‘This place makes me feel safe, and you make me feel safe. It’s, like, natural and stuff.’

Gretchen observed Ashley’s face, as she looked at the hall too. It didn’t look that special to Gretchen: Sure, the dark red and blue halls and walls were nice to look at, the lights were bright but dim enough not to blind, and the concession stand lit up like a beacon for snacky moths, but it wasn’t the sistine chapel or anything.

But when Gretchen saw Ashley’s eyes sparkle and her face light up like a Christmas tree, she knew that to the Armbruster heir… It was. It made Gretchen’s little pocket surprise all the more important to nail.

Ashley, meanwhile, who also had a secret in her pocket, suddenly rose up and slapped her forehead. ‘Oh, duh, we gotta hurry up! I’m taking way too long admiring this place, when I’m supposed to give you a quick tour!’

‘Wait, what?’, Grethcen asked, only for Ashley to grab her and take her around the place, showing her everything, even the entrance.

‘I just went through here…’, Gretchen reminded, but Ashley tutted, pulling her there by the hand. ‘Not through my eyes! Look, isn’t it GRAND?’, she asked, now standing outside of the cinema. It was a massive exterior, ebony black and ivory white, with a large neon film reel and popcorn sign lighting on and off. On this gigantic plate, the place informed you of not one, not two, not even three, but 18 movies currently playing: BLUES BROTHERS 2000 (‘I’ll see it soon, since I DO love me a good comedy! I bet the critics are just being harsh!’), THE WEDDING SINGER (‘Which I just saw yesterday, Gretchen, oh the emotions! I was crying so much, but not as much as I will with Titanic! Who would have thought Adam Sandler could be romantic and charming? Hey, it’s kinda like how I didn’t realize how cool you are! What a coincidence!’), THE BORROWERS (‘Which I also saw yesterday and it was SO good, Gretchy! Like, how cool would it be to be a tiny person, and beat the crap out of John Goodman? Not that I don’t like him, but you get what I mean! The power! Mwahahahaha!’), GOOD WILL HUNTING (‘Which, as hot as Matt Damon is, total babe magnet, I don’t think I can see it. It sounds so sad, and not in the heartthrob way! In the way that makes me think about my life too much, ugh!’) , SPHERE (‘Sounds more like your kinda movie than mine, to be honest! All sciency and stuff. Actually, now that I think about it, maybe I would like it! But then again, what if it’s scary? Will you hold my hand if it is?’), AS GOOD AS IT GETS (‘I didn’t catch it when it came out, but I might, it’s all weepy and dramatic and stuff, and I love that!’), GREAT EXPECTATIONS (‘Saw during one of the days we weren’t hanging out, cried, moving on!’), LA CONFIDENTIAL (‘Not for me, I’m not really big on mysteries or cop movies unless they’ve got a hunk, and Russel Crowe and Guy Pierce don’t make my purse change shake, ya dig? Nor does Kevin Spacey. Kim Bassinger is pretty though!’), THE REPLACEMENT KILLERS (‘DEFINITELY not my kinda thing. I don’t like violence unless it’s directed at losers and dweebs, like Randal!’), WAG THE DOG (‘This one sounds too political and stuff. Like, I get enough of that from the news when Mommy puts it once a month. No thank you! I prefer the real world, and by the real world, I mean Tiger Beat and MTV’), SPICE WORLD (‘IT WAS THE BEST MOVIE EVER, not to mention it… Woke up some realizations about us… So you know… that’s nice.’), DESPERATE MEASURES (‘Again, not really my thing… Though Michael Keaton IS hunky… I’ll consider it again!’), DEEP RISING (‘EWW, EWW, EWW, NO! I HATE HORROR! I bet someone like Spinelli loves this crap! So befitting a monster like her! Wait, she’s your friend. Um… That is… Pass?’), THE APOSTLE (‘It’s religious and stuff, so Mommy might take me eventually’), TOMORROW NEVER DIES (‘I WANT TO BE A BOND GIRL SO BADLY, PIERCE, PLEASE, I’M RIGHT HERE! TAKE ME! But not, like, in the bang bang blam blam explosion way, in the suggestive way that’s totally naughty, ha ha, I’m SOOOO naughty too…’), FALLEN (‘Again, no thank you! The only scares I want are from “Are You Afraid of the Dark?”, and they’ve already made me wet my bed! Um… Don’t tell anyone about that’) and, quite humerously, STILL TITANIC (‘You know I’ve already seen this, but I’m so glad to share it with you! It’s such a BFF thing to do, you know? Watching the most romantic movie of all time on Valentines Day! Truly, a perfect platonic activity!’).

Gretchen’s head was spinning from all the talking, but already she found herself endeared and laughing. Ashley’s info dumps, even when they were about things she didn’t understand at all, things she thought were neat but not necessarily grand, were oddly cute. She was like a fluff ball of energy, just charging up more and more until she exploded with a squeal. In many ways, she was the same mean girl she was once (you heard what she said about Spinelli), yet, at the same time, it was like Gretchen was at a dinosaur dig, and the more dirt and bone she exposed, the clearer a picture became of an Ashley all together lovelier and sweeter than anyone thought possible. THAT was a fossil she’d be proud to discover.

So when Ashley dragged her inside, she held back just a little tighter, as the cinema’s radio started playing “Nice and Slow” by Usher, which was totally not another massive hint by the universe as to their fate.

Next up, Ashley showed her the ceiling and walls, full of pictures and memories she held dearly. Waving her arm around like she was painting a canvas, she gushed about the painting on the ceiling above them. ‘See, about 6 years ago, they commissioned this lovely piece here of a couple dancing in front of these lit up buildings! See how they’re painted as shadows and only their outlines are illuminated? It feels SO romantic and personal! Oh, and as you can see, the Hollywood sign is hanging above them, it adds such ATMOSPHERE, doesn’t it? It’s why I prefer watching movies in the afternoon and evening, it just adds to the magic if it’s at night!’. Gretchen nodded slowly as she took it all in, having to admit that it DID look pretty nice. ‘You seem to like it quite a bit.’, Gretchen pointed out, and Ashley nodded enthusiastically. ‘SO much! It’s like I always get to see these friends when I enter! I like to call them Mo and Stella! Stella because she seems to shine like stars, and Stella is Italian for star!’, she pointed out intelligently.

‘And Mo?’, Gretchen questioned, and Ashley, with the same bragging about her brains look, stated ‘Mo-vie! Ain’t I clever?’

Gretchen muffled a tiny laugh and shook her head affectionately. ‘You’re something all right.’

Ashley then dragged her to the inner hallway, where all the posters, auditoriums and standees were, so she could show her the rest of the ceiling. ‘See…’, she traced a line with her finger, following the massive illustration that spanned most of the building. ‘This is a film reel with all kinds of famous movie moments! Some of these I don’t really know yet, but over here is the 90’s section!’

Quite right she was, and while Gretchen wasn’t AS movie crazy as Ashley was, even she recognized some of these moments: There was the T-Rex chasing the car from “Jurassic Park” (1993) (‘Which I didn’t see, but my brother did. I’m not really into that kinda thing, but I know you are, so if you ever wanna gush about it...’); The White House exploding in “Independence Day” (1995) (‘Which I DID see, not because I’m really an action movie girl, but because Will Smith was in it! He’s so cool, ugh!’); Simba being lifted up during the Circle of Life sequence in “The Lion King” (1994) (‘Duh, I’ve seen this!’); Forrest Gump sitting on the bench during the “Life is like a box of chocolates” moment from, well, “Forrest Gump” (1994) (‘Not really my cup of tea, VERY long, but Tom Hanks is kinda charming, ya know? I watch a lot of movies because I like an actor or actress, okay? No judging!’); Agent J and K with the neuralyzers from “Men In Black” (1997) (‘And speaking of seeing something because of an actor I like, this one too! Though it WAS kinda cool…’); Andy Dufresne enjoying the rain and freedom from “The Shawshank Redemption” (1994) (‘Prison movies aren’t my jam, I get enough of that out of Ms. Finster’s whack ass.’); Ethan Hunt doing the hanging from a wire stunt from “Mission: Impossible” (1996) (‘Tom Cruise isn’t AS hunky as Peirce Brosnen, but he’s still PRETTY hunky!’); Woody and Buzz falling with style from “Toy Story” (1995) (‘I can’t believe how far all that computer animation has come! I know some people think it’s not as good as traditional animation, but I say the more the merrier!’); Vince and Jules aiming their guns from “Pulp Fiction” (1994) (‘WAY too violent, I’m glad I didn’t see it here! I did see it on TV once though, and I didn’t miss anything. SO gross! Why can’t the director make a nice movie, like about Barbie or My Little Pony? Quentin Tarentino’s Hello Kitty, now THAT’S got a ring to it!); and, finally, Jack holding Rose up from “Titanic” (1997) (‘And, of course, THAT’S our movie tonight! Oh, when you get the context for this moment… EEE!!!’).

Gretchen smiled and patted Ashley’s back. ‘You’re REALLY passionate about all this, huh? Maybe you SHOULD give the drama club a try!’

‘Oh, I got all chicken when I saw it. Plus, it’s full of people that probably hate me. Even if the other Ashley’s and my parents didn’t mind…’, Ashley A voiced, twiddling her thumbs. She was clearly concerned about that little desire of hers. ‘I still think it’s worth a shot. Plus, you could always join as Ashley R.’, Gretchen reminded, and Ashley A decided to keep that in the back of her mind, for now. ‘Well, anyway, we better hurry up! This movie gets PACKED even now, and I don’t want us to miss anything, not even the commercials!’, Ashley explained, rushing Gretchen to the concession stand now, which in contrast to the dimly lit halls, was as bright and shiny as a lighthouse out at sea. Gretchen rolled her eyes. ‘What do you need commercials for, you practically own everything!’. Ashley stuck her tongue out, then shifted her attention back to the snacks. ‘I’ll handle this, they know me.’

Clicking her tongue and firing two finger guns, she greeted out ‘Tony, Deacon, like, what’s poppin’?’. The two concession stand workers, both with cornrows, smiled at Ashley and fired finger guns back. ‘The corn!’, they replied, and the trio laughed at the “corny” joke, while Gretchen simply shrugged at it. ‘Oh, we have good times.’

‘Yeah, but there’s a new member of “we”, I see. Who’s this girl, A? And weren’t you with the other Ashleys before?’, Tony asked, and before Gretchen could come up with a lie, Ashley reassured her. ‘Don’t worry, we’re tight. They’d keep a secret.’ Explaining it as quickly as possible, Ashley set the scene. ‘Let’s just say Gretchen and I are Rose and Jack minus the romance, and we can’t let the rest of first class know.’

Tony and Deacon nodded, while Gretchen once again wished for an end to the romantic double entendres.

‘Anyway, my friend here is relatively new to this place, so why don’t you show her the possibilities? Oh, and I’ll have… Well, not the “Armbruster Arrangement”, I had that yesterday and during “Spice World”... Maybe what I had during “Great Expectations”, The Delightful Duo, Sunny Delightful and Dunkaroos? I know I ordered here before, but since I had to abandon it for secret reasons, I need a new batch for my latest “Titanic” viewing, and I felt like shaking it up. I’ve got the cash, of course.’, Ashley reassured, slapping down the exact payment, because of course she had already calculated that. ‘Sure thing, A, but what about tryin’ a trip down memory lane?’, Tony suggested, as Deacon played the drums on the popcorn machine that was already supplying extra butter for the girls. Slowly, he raised up a Dr. Pepper can and a bag of Reese’s Bites. Ashley, elated at this idea, clapped and cheered. ‘Like, TOTALLY bomb idea, Tony! SOOO nostalgic!’

As Ashley paid for all those, plus the Giant sized Popcorn with extra butter, Gretchen bit her lip, a little uncomfortable. She didn’t want to get too much for herself and make Ashley pay, even if she WAS filthy rich. It felt a little greedy, and she’d already rode her for a pizza during the sleepover. ‘I’m fine with just a popcorn, to be honest…’, she tried, but Ashley, Tony and Deacon all gasped, not believing her. ‘Gretchy, this is a 3 hour movie! Aren’t you gonna need ANY drink or candy?’, Ashley asked, incredulous. Tony shook his head in disbelief. ‘Girl, trust me, you’ll be crying so much, you’ll de-hydrate. You GOTTA at least get a drink!’

‘And if you ain’t eatin’ up all the eye candy in this movie, then at least get yourself somethin’ else to snack on.’, Deacon teased, getting a smack on the head from Tony. ‘Dude, don’t make fun of her! Besides, the real eye candy is the set design!’

‘Oh, I know, right? I can’t believe they reconstructed the whole ship! I’ve seen it 5 times and I STILL marvel at it each time!’, Ashley enthused, and Tony jumped up and nodded, enthusiastic too. ‘I’m tellin’ you, A, the day I graduate, I’m goin’ into set design! I wanna make something incredible like that!’

Ashley clasped his hands and grinned with full conviction. ‘You will TOTALLY crush it!’

‘Oh, A, by the way, my girl’s coming to town this May, and I gotta know what you think: Les Miserables or Horse Whisperer?’, Deacon asked, and Gretchen raised a finger. ‘Why not use that pamphlet thing?’

‘No need, Ashley’s got the dang thing memorized.’, Deacon explained, and Ashley, smirking, raised a finger with her eyes closed and recited. ‘Well, I know Shayna likes her “Mentor heals broken kid” movies, plus she’s quite the horse girl, so that lends a lot of favorability to the latter, but the former has a LOT of romantic possibilities, PLUS Claire Danes…’, Ashley started, and Deacon rubbed his hands in glee. ‘That Claire Danes is one hot number!’

‘...Yeah, pick Horse Whisperer, buddy, unless you wanna go back to making out with your Claire Danes poster.’, Ashley joked, Tony bursting into laughter. Deacon huffed, crossing his arms. ‘Okay, A, but you’re no longer invited to our wedding thanks to that joke.’

‘Sure, Deacon, sure.’, Ashley fluttered her eyelashes, and the trio laughed again. Gretchen smiled at this, finding yet another new depth to Ashley she liked. This place really brought out the best in her. She just hoped that she’d add to the experience. Ashley had already seen the movie 5 times, and no matter how she kept harping on its excellence didn’t make it any less “already seen”. Gretchen was the new facet for this viewing. She hoped she was a thumb’s up, not a thumb’s down.

‘Well, new girl, what would you like? We’ve got all kinds of options if you don’t wanna go basic Coke like most. We’ve got Diet Coke, Dole Lemonade, Fanta, Icee’s of any flavor, Sierra Mist, 7-Up, I think I’ve still got my Crystal Pepsi, but no one ever wants to take it…’, Tony went through the options, and Deacon snorted. ‘Dude, it got discontinued 4 years ago, no one wants to try 4 year old soda.’

‘One day, someone will, and that lucky person will have my utmost respect.’

Gretchen, who still wasn’t sure, but didn’t wanna be a party pooper, looked at Ashley for help. Ashley patted her shoulder and encouraged. ‘Gretchy, please, I won’t have as much fun if you don’t get anything you like!’

Gretchen gulped. Now she HAD to pick something. Scanning the options, she tapped the glass. ‘Well, I guess I could try that Blue Raspberry Icee, and…’

Suddenly, Ashley blurted out ‘Mikey and Penny!’

‘Oh, wow, is that a candy? You really DO know everything about this place, Ash! I’m impressed, honest!’, Gretchen complemented, surprised she didn’t know a new type of candy, only to get tackled behind a standee. Ashley, who was holding her shoulders down and looking around (which totally didn’t make Gretchen blush a little) hushed her to be quiet, finger on her lips (yeah, no denial, that one REALLY made Gretchen blush). ‘Mikey and Penny the people! They’re here for some reason! We gotta hide!’

‘But they say not to touch the standees!’, Gretchen exclaimed. She was up for mischief, but not of the kind that got one kicked out. Ashley nodded, recognizing this was true, then snapped her fingers. ‘I’ve got an idea!’, she grinned, eyes flashing. Gretchen gulped, hoping this idea didn’t involve weirdly gay activity. It usually did, by accident. But surely this time it wouldn’t!

Meanwhile, back at the snack stand, Mikey (who was hidden by a mountain of popcorn, cokes and Hershey Bars) made conversation with Penny. ‘So, I see I’m not the only one joining a club! I thought you were already on the school paper staff though!’, he questioned, and Penny, who was going through her new purse (she had to convince everyone she was a girl… It wasn’t just because it was really nice and purple and fuzzy), coughed and shrugged. ‘Oh, well, I guess there was some administrative error, so they had to re-hire me or something! Point is, I’ve got to write a movie review now for that crappy “Titanic” movie since no one else wanted to for months.’

‘Well, I for one am HONORED that you asked me to come along! I’ve always wanted to see a writer at work!’, Mikey praised her, and Penny blushed again. She had just wanted some company, that’s all… ‘Yes, well, no one else could have really appreciated my work! Plus, um, I thought it might be… Fun.’

Mikey smiled to himself, heart singing like a bird. Penny really liked him!

As the unlikely pair turned around, they were greeted by an odd sight: A theatre standee (that wasn’t odd) for the movie “Titanic” (that wasn’t odd either), but it had a hastily scribbled note on it that said “3-D Standee” (was that even a thing?) and seemingly in 3-D form were Leonardo DiCaprio (except he looked a lot like Gretchen in a brown coat and hat) and Kate Winslet (except she looked a lot like Ashley A in her regular outfit), holding each other, faces so close and on the verge of lip locking.

The two girls did all they could not to movie or fidget, though they were sweating like crazy. Mikey, blocked by all his snacks, could barely see, while Penny scratched her head. ‘Hmm…’, she began, narrowing her eyes. Then, suddenly, she shrugged and walked away. ‘I just don’t get the appeal of “3-D”.’

‘It always makes me nauseous.’ Mikey agreed, and the two walked away, none the wiser.

Letting out exhales of relief, the two girls leaned foreheads and calmed down. ‘Gosh, that was close!’, Gretchen commented. ‘Yeah! I was so nervous, I almost decided to kiss you to see if it would make them walk away from the PDA!’, Ashley replied, chuckling, as she walked back to the concession stand. Gretchen, stiffening, held her heart that swelled from lesbian pain and choked.

Ashley then turned around and gasped. ‘OMG, I just remembered that you’re… Well, you know! I should be more careful not to put you in such situations!’

Gretchen, still struggling, beamed in appreciation. ‘That would be quite lovely.’

Ashley grinned and flashed Gretchen a thumb’s up. ‘No problem, girlfriend!’

Gretchen sighed and face palmed. ‘Never mind. This is my curse.’

Returning to the concession stand, they collected their snacks and drinks (Gretchen getting Reeses’ Peanut Butter Cups as her candy), bid farewell to Tony and Deacon and asked them to not tell anyone they had seen Ashley, just in case (the two agreeing and wishing them a happy viewing), and made their way towards their auditorium. ‘I called their ticket line about times earlier, and tonight’s last show is 19:30, so we better step on it! Can you imagine that once the only way to find out was through the newspaper?’, Ashley marveled, happy that her memory was strong enough to recall the times.

‘Hmm, I hope they’ll make a website for it soon on the internet. That would make it way easier.’, Gretchen posited, and Ashley shrugged. ‘Well, I don’t even know how to work a computer.’

‘Like I said once, I’d be glad to set one up for you and teach you! How hard could it be?’, Gretchen volunteered, unaware of how hard that would one day be. Ashley accepted the offer with a smile. ‘Sure! Any excuse to spend more time together!’

Suddenly, Ashley sniffed the air, taking a deep breath and exhaling in pleasure. ‘Aah… Nothing like the smell of popcorn and the whirring of projectors! I could fall asleep here!’

‘Not a very glowing review, Ms. Armbruster.’, Gretchen joked, and Ashley elbowed her with a smug grin, spilling just a little bit of her Dr. Pepper. ‘Well, what’s your review so far, Ms. Grundler?’

‘Well…’, Gretchen began honestly, surveying the area they were in: a dimly lit hall with a sticky from spilled soda floor, neon lit posters for “Dark City”, “Armageddon”, and “Mulan”, and a giant standee of “Godzilla” threatening to eat her and Ashley’s snacks. Families were chatting animatedly as they entered an auditorium showing “Tomorrow Never Dies”. A teenage couple were flirting and shyly holding hands by the bathroom, that glowed a fluorescent white. Laughter could be heard ringing from an auditorium showing “The Full Monty”. So many sounds and smells, so many lives taking a moment to pause around them and enjoy a film together…

But what Gretchen noticed most were Ashley’s eyes. They were like diamonds, twirling around and shimmering at all this splendor around her. ‘Gosh, I can’t wait to show you the movie, by the way, like, we can’t talk TOO much there, gotta try and be quiet, but like, ugh, Gretchy, I know you love your history and stuff so I’ll bet you’ll appreciate the accuracy! I read somewhere that James Cameron filmed where the actual Titanic wreck is, so some of the shots are THAT lifelike and accurate! Not to mention all the Edwardian Era fashion, VERY old fashioned of course, but I’m sure you like old stuff like that! They even recreated the sinking, and now that I think about it, there are some characters who are actually people who were on the boat, so, like, I hope those live up to your knowledge, you’re so smart, so you probably know all about this, and…’, Ashley was suddenly interrupted from her info dump by Gretchen leaning onto her and smiling as genuinely as she can. ‘Two thumb’s up… But while the atmosphere isn’t as bad as I remember, it’s more who I get to share it with.’, she informed, and Ashley’s eyes somehow sparkled more. ‘Well, I hope the movie gets the same reaction out of you!’, only to then back off on this and add ‘But, um, of course, if you don’t like it, be honest!’

Gretchen reassured her with a squeeze on her free hand. ‘I will be honest, but, to be honest, I doubt I won’t enjoy doing this with you.’

Well, it seemed like everything was just peachy with the girls…

And that meant that something was about to go wrong.

‘Wow, this movie is great so far!’, Ashley Q commented, sipping on her Sierra Mist, as on the screen, the two Borrower kids, Arrietty and Peagreen Clock, got into a pickle with the freezer they were borrowing ice cream from. She turned to Ashley T, curious as to her reaction. ‘If you were that small, what would you borrow? I think I’m taking my mother’s jewelry, just to see how she loses her mind!’

Ashley T, nodding and hoping Ashley Q wouldn’t notice the missing Ashley A, decided to give her friend some cover. ‘Yeah, um, me too! Say, ASHLEY A, what would YOU borrow? Please answer, please answer…’, she begged, and Ashley A, hearing this as she and Gretchen walked up the stairs onto their seats, gasped and scrambled for an answer. Thankfully, she had seen the movie, so she got what they were referring to. ‘Oh, um, like, toilet paper! I’d totally take some toilet paper and use it as a dress! Boy, I’d love some toilet paper!’, Ashley lied terribly.

‘See, um, Ashley A said toilet paper, for like, a dress! Isn’t she such a character?’, Ashley T lied badly too, but Ashley Q wasn’t quite smart enough to see through that. Then again, are any of our characters here? ‘Cool.’, Ashley Q replied, placing her hand on Ashley T. ‘Mind leaning in? I get so cold in these auditoriums, and Ashley B went to pee or something.’ Ashley T, blushing even harder than before, nodded and leaned in. It felt kinda… Nice. Ashley Q’s hair smelt like rosemary mint, and her head was pretty hard, but not in the bad way, more like hard as in a bed’s wooden headrest that served no one else but you. ‘Thank you, Ashley B’s bladder.’, Ashley T whispered, allowing herself to enjoy this little phase just once.

Unfortunately, things were less ideal for Ashley A, as her lie led to a consequence she didn’t see coming. ‘Oh, young lady, I forgot to get myself some tissues! Could you get me some toilet paper from the ladies’ room? I wouldn’t want to ruin all my makeup!’, a sweet old lady in the seat next to her asked. Ashley A gulped, knowing this would complicate things, but what was she gonna do, say no? Well, maybe the old Ashley A would have.

But she was a better Ashley A now, damn it!

‘Sure thing, miss! Just one minute!’, Ashley A saluted, then ran up and placed all her snacks on her seat. Gretchen, raising an eyebrow, got her answer quick. ‘I have to get a old lady toilet paper, it’s a whole thing, just make sure no one sits on my seat, and keep an eye out for Mikey and Penny!’

Rushing out, Ashley A really hoped she wouldn’t miss the trailers at least. ‘I guess missing the commercials has a benefit. Gretchen can’t tease me for being rich.’, Ashley laughed to herself, going into the lady’s toilets. ‘Besides, she’s probably right, it’s no big. I mean, I DO have a lot. You’d have to be a REAL spoiled brat to be upset about missing some commercials.’

‘Ugh, I’m missing the commercials here! Where IS he?!’, a very familiar voice whined, and Ashley A gasped, rushing into the stall and peeking from above, as she stood on the closed toilet seat.

‘Like, scandalous! It’s Ashley B!’, Ashley A exclaimed, wondering what she was doing outside of the auditorium. Letting her heart calm down, she decided not to assume the worst. ‘Let’s not be too hasty… Maybe she just needed to pee!’

‘I had to lie about needing to pee to Ashley Q, so the least he could do is show up so we can see if Ashley A did what I THINK she did, and snuck out to do something weird and potentially friendship ruining, like spend time with that damn Gretchen!’, Ashley B exposition dumped, fitting for the location they were in, and Ashley A’s heart sank down into the toilet bowl below. ‘She is peeing! Peeing ALL over my chances of a fun time with Gretchen!’

Then, curious, she tilted her head above the stall. ‘But who’s this “he” she keeps referring to? I don’t like guessing games that much, so I’d like to find out now, if possible!’

Ashley A then found out immediately, as Vince poked his head in, looking back and forth. ‘Ashley B, this is the lady’s room! I wanna find out what’s up with Ashley A and Gretchen too, but what do you want me to do, break the rules and get us sent to cinema jail?’

‘There’s no such thing as cinema jail! Otherwise, I would have sent that usher who told me “Spice World” was crappy to it! Uncultured swine. I’m so much better than him.’, Ashley B commented, as a grown woman got out of one of the stalls and washed her hands. ‘Wash harder, you stink worse than Speed 2: Cruise Control.’, Ashley B side commented, and the woman sniffled and washed her hands harder. ‘So charming. Remind me to spend ALL my free time with you.’, Vince teased, and Ashley B smirked. ‘At least you might accidentally become interesting.’

‘Vince!’, Ashley A exclaimed in surprise, accidentally out loud. ‘Eep!’, she gasped, clasping her mouth and settling back down onto the toilet. Ashley B, raising an eyebrow (as did Vince), held up one finger and walked inside. Quietly, like a snake, she slithered to the first stall and opened it, finding no one. Angry, she slammed it. ‘You wanna help?!’, she asked, and Vince pointed at himself. ‘Last I checked, I’m a dude.’

‘Last I checked, I don’t give a crap!’, Ashley B retorted, then went to the next stall, as her smooth like honey voice began calling out for her prey. ‘Ashley A… Come out, come out, wherever you are… I know you’re doing something DECIDEDLY unAshley, and I would just LOVE to finally have it out in the open so we can punish you properly and then go back to being the way we always were, with perhaps one tiny caveat of me being the new president…’, Ashley B motor mouthed, opening another stall. This one also had no one. Slamming it, she opened the next one, and the next one, while Vince winced each time she slammed a door. She was like a tiger hunting for a wild deer, and poor Deer Ashley was frozen in the headlights, unsure of what to do. ‘I’m not athletic enough to just hang on the ceiling or something, and if I make a break for it, they’ll spot me for sure, and there’s NO world where I outrun Vince! Say what you will about him, that boy’s got calves for days!’, Ashley complimented, before panicking again. ‘Surely there’s a way to make sure Ashley B doesn’t open my stall, but what?’

Then, she got a terrible idea. A truly terrible and stupid idea, even for her standards. It was also quite embarrassing, even if the only ones who would ever know were her and Gretchen. But what else could she do? ‘Ugh, the things I do for love… purely platonic love, that is.’, Ashley commented, as she quickly collected some toilet paper so she could exit as soon as possible. Then, pursing her lips together, she put her plan into action just before Ashley B could place a hand on her stall door.

PBBL!!!!, she blew a raspberry, the loudest one she could. Ashley B’s face squinted with surprise, while Vince giggled. PBBL!!!!, she blew again, making it sound as sloppy and wet as possible. To increase the effect, she then slammed her hands on the stall doors around her, making it seem like the whole thing was shaking. Finding some leftover Tic Tacs in her purse, she quickly dropped them inside the toilet, making splashing noises. PBBL!!!!, she blew one last time, hoping Ashley B wouldn’t notice the lack of smell.

‘UGH, THAT IS LITERALLY SOOOOOOOO GROSS AND WHACK! I AM SOOOOOOOOO OUTTIE! Come on, Vince, let’s ask if anyone saw her next to Gretchen!’, Ashley B ordered, clapping her hands. ‘I’m not your little dog.’, Vince whined, though he stifled a giggle. ‘And wow, what a genius you are. I BET you go to cinema jail for opening all the stall doors.’

‘There ISN’T a Cinema Jail, what are you, dense?!’, Ashley B complained as they left the area.

Sighing in relief, Ashley A kicked the door open and rushed back to the auditorium, now aware of two threats: Mikey/Penny and Ashley B/Vince. ‘At least the rule of 3 didn’t apply here!’, she thought happily, getting up to her seat, unaware of Usher Rotwood, who was making his rounds, hoping to find the girl inside here. ‘I bet she likes this stupid movie. She’ll get all weepy, and then I’ll show her what for! I’m a good person.’, he thought to himself, as he replaced the batteries in his flashlight.

Arriving to her seat, Ashley A sighed in relief as she sat by Gretchen, the final commercial for now playing. ‘You won’t BELIEVE what I went through to get that old lady her toilet paper.’, Ashley A groaned, taking a handful of popcorn for comfort. ‘I was getting worried, you were gonna miss your trailers.’, Gretchen said, with no hint of teasing. Ashley smiled at her and got comfy in her seat, the way a cat does when lying down. ‘Well, at least no one else is going through anything embarrassing like I just did! I wouldn’t wish that on anyone!’

Back at the Borrower’s screening, Ashley T blushed red as Ashley Q patted her hand. ‘Don’t worry, T! I know those, um, sounds just slipped out! I’m just glad B wasn’t here, she’d totally tear you a new one!’

‘Please turn back into Ashley A soon, I can only handle so much…’, Ashley T begged to the walkie talkie, but her pleas fell on deaf ears.

So, just in the nick of time, Ashley A made it to the trailers before the screening. ‘I LOVE watching trailers! They give me a better impression of what movies I wanna watch in the future, AND they’re full of cool things to point at! Like, look, there’s Tom Hanks! I like Tom Hanks!’, Ashley A pointed happily as Tom Hanks appeared on the screen. ‘I also like to guess what the movie is, but like, in a silly way! Like, this one’s about the army, I think, so I’m gonna guess it’s called… Bang Bang Boom: The War Over Matt Damon. That’s SO understandable, I’d go to war for him too, literally.’

Gretchen giggled at her friend’s silliness, then gave it a try. ‘Okay, well, I’m gonna guess it’s called “Omaha Beach Aftermath.”

‘Oh… I don’t get it.’

‘That’s what the operation was called.’

‘Gretchy! It needs to be funny, not accurate!’

‘Huh. Okay, so, how about… Forrest Gump 2: This Time, It’s Personal?’

Ashley laughed almost too hard, coughing a little popcorn kernel out. ‘You’re SO funny!’

Gretchen, who had never been told that before, grinned appreciatively, turning crimson. ‘T…Thanks.’

Then, the actual title popped up, after some more pictures of soldiers and solemn music: “Saving Private Ryan.”

‘Ah, yeah, that! Not the biggest fan of war movies, SOOOOOOOOOO 53 years ago.’, Ashley exclaimed in disgust, nose up in the air (hey, even she knew when WW2 ended).

‘Actually, it sounds pretty interesting to me! I’m quite fascinated to see how Spielberg recreated the D-Day landing!’, Gretchen replied back enthusiastically, and Ashley, realizing she had just shot the idea down, grimaced. ‘I mean, um… Cool? Sorry, I didn’t mean to be so negative about something you like.’

‘Hey, no problem! We have different tastes! Maybe you’d like it if we saw it together!’, Gretchen suggested, and Ashley smiled at that. ‘I’d only watch it with you, that’s for sure.’

As the rest of the trailers played, the girls kept up their game: “We Killed Divorce: The Movie” turned out to be “The Parent Trap”, which of course, Ashley thought sounded brilliant. Gretchen, who had read the Erich Kastner novel the movie was based (“Lisa and Lottie”), was more curious to find out what special effects they used to make this new actress Lindsey Lohan appear in two places. The two noted it as a potential movie to see; “Cinderella Wears the Pants AND Slippers Now” turned out to be “Ever After”, which once again, Ashley found most fascinating, while Gretchen mostly rolled her eyes amusingly at her friend’s intense fixation on the romance element; and “A Fuckload of Dancers” turned out to be “Dance with Me”. ‘Are you already crying? The movie hasn’t started yet!’, Gretchen pointed out, half surprised and half concerned. Was it THAT sad?

‘Oh, no, see…’, Ashley began, daintily dabbing her eyes with a tissue, the tear marks glistening in the dark cinema. ‘It was that song they played in that trailer. Did you see how ROMANTIC that was? Ugh, I TOTALLY have to watch that movie!’

Gretchen fought back a scoff. ‘You are OBSESSED with romance.’

‘And why wouldn’t I be?’, Ashley shot back, hands on her hips, as she quickly took a sip from her Dr. Pepper. ‘There is NOTHING in this world more magical and wonderful than ROMANCE!’

Suddenly, after popping in a few Reeses’ Bites, Ashley began choking a little. ‘Are you crying again? All it said was to prepare for our feature presentation.’, Gretchen remarked, bemused and a tad annoyed, only to realize Ashley was choking. ‘Newton’s Third! Okay, um, what did that Heimlich pamphlet in the nurse’s office look like again?’, she did her best to remember, and hoping she wasn’t making a colossal mistake, the kid genius got out of her seat, lifted Ashley towards the screen (not dissimilar to how Jack lifted up Rose in “Titanic”), and with a squeeze…

PTOO!

The Reeses’ Bite flew all the way onto the back of Penny’s neck.

‘Who the hell did that?!’, Penny shouted out, getting shushed by the people around her. Crossing her arms, she grabbed a whole handful of Mikey’s popcorn, to which Mikey didn’t even notice, and chewed on it angrily, which was hard, because it cut up her tongue a little.

‘Oh, wow… Thanks, Gretchy, I needed that.’, Ashley breathed out, calming down. Noticing the pose they were in, she couldn’t help but smirk. ‘Why, Gretchy, I know I’m pretty, but you didn’t have to do that to flirt with me.’

Gretchen, now identifying not just as a lesbian, but a tomato, sat down on her seat and coughed. ‘I, um, that was not… I’d never…’

‘I’m just teasing! Thanks for the save, that was like, literally so nice of you.’, Ashley thanked her genuinely, before staring at her bag with disgust. ‘These are such a choking hazard, I wish they’d take them off the market already.’

‘But you don’t have any candy, then! I’ll feel really greedy if I’m the only one that has any.’, Gretchen replied back, eyes shifting worriedly, cursing her economic situation once more. There must have been a solution…

Then, snapping her fingers, she placed her peanut butter cup in the middle, so that Ashley could have some too. ‘Oh, I couldn’t, that’s yours…’, Ashley started, waving her hands, but Gretchen insisted, holding one up in the air. ‘Come on, I know they’re your favorites! If I make it that Spice Girls bus you told me about, will that get you to eat it?’

Ashley nodded, a little embarrassed from how well that worked.

‘Here comes the spice bus, vroom vroom.’, Gretchen joked, making Ashley giggle, as the former fed the latter a peanut butter cup. Chewing on it, Ashley voiced two small thoughts. ‘The others never share their snacks.’

‘Of course they don’t. By now, what DO they do that’s nice?’, Gretchen remarked, wishing she could give those girls a piece of her mind.

Then, the second small thought happened, one that made Gretchen struggle for a remark: ‘I bet the girl you date one day will be very lucky.’

Gretchen hadn’t realized before how badly she needed to hear such things, to have such open support for her sexuality. Her parents didn’t talk to her much about it since, well, they just weren’t a family that talked about crushes, and she had none. Her aunts visited rarely. Mikey would have loved to talk, but they rarely hung out one on one, since he and the gang were a package deal.

But Ashley? Ashley loved romance, as she herself just said. And here she was, talking about Gretchen’s homosexuality like it was as normal as heterosexuality.

Hearing a small sniffle, Ashley looked back at Gretchen. ‘Hey, Gretchy, it’s just the opening logo.’

Gretchen, hiding why she was crying, smiled through the tears. ‘What can I say? Those are… Really well designed logo.’

After said logo (Paramount - A Viacom Company) faded away, sepia tone shots of people waving goodbye from the ship were shown, and that James Horner soundtrack began to weave its enchanting hold on the audience. Ashley was already spellbound. ‘EEE, I can’t believe I’m gonna cry a river again! I’m gonna make this floor sticky!’, she whispered to Gretchen, already a tear or two shed. Gretchen, feeling her shoes getting stuck and making that weird crinkly sound when dealing with sticky carpeting, smirked at Ashley. ‘Surely you mean stickier.’

‘God, I know. No one has any cinema etiquette!’, Ashley complained a little too loudly, earning shushes from the couples around her. ‘Sorry.’, she whispered, while Gretchen gulped. ‘Gee, a lot of couples tonight, huh?’

‘Well, duh, it’s the biggest romance movie in ages, on Valentines Day.’, Ashley said matter of factly, once more not noticing the implications. Gretchen looked up to God and clasped her hands together. ‘Lord, give me a sign: Where are you going with this shit?’

Where indeed.

But a threat approached, one that could ruin their night: Usher Rotwood was approaching their row, flashlight in hand. ‘Ticket? Good. Ticket? Good. Ticket?’, he pointed his flashlight at Ashley A, who gulped. Closing her eyes, she hoped that perhaps he wouldn’t recognize her that way. After all, she couldn’t see herself, so surely he couldn’t see her either.

‘You! Runner in the halls!’, Rotwood whisper yelled, and Ashley gasped. ‘My brilliant plan, foiled!’, she thought, needing a solution right now, lest her movie date be torn to shreds. Remembering what she said about etiquette, she leaned into Gretchen and whispered to her, quickly explaining her problem. Gretchen nodded and with an innocent smile, she said ‘Um, Mr. Usher, before you kick this girl out, will you please check my ticket?’

‘Oh! Um, sure, well behaved girl! How refreshing.’, Rotwood tightened his bowtie and leaned over to grab the ticket, only for Gretchen to shout out a very fake ‘Oops.’, and drop the ticket a few rows down. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll get it!’, Rotwood cried, and he jumped to catch the ticket, landing on top of an shrimpy man’s lap, spilling his drink. ‘Oh, sorry!’, he exclaimed, as the man’s muscular girlfriend growled and punched him in the face. Exclaiming ‘Ouch!’, everyone shushed him. ‘The best part is playing!’, one girl cried out.

Rotwood squinted at the screen. The film’s title flashed over the waves. ‘...The title is your favorite part?’, he asked, incredulously.

‘Ridiculous! Tell her the best part!’, Ashley encouraged from a few rows above. ‘Sure thing, mystery girl. Objectively, the best part is when she sees the little girl with the napkin and realizes…’

‘Dude, spoilers!’, one guy called out, tossing some popcorn at him. Rotwood turned around, enraged, wagging his finger at the guy. ‘No food tossing! Besides, what do you mean, spoilers? The movie’s been out for 2 months! You snooze, you lose.’

The rest of the audience didn’t agree with this, and began booing. ‘I wanna see the part with the treasure hunters, get the hell out!’, an old lady cried, hitting him with her cane. ‘Jeez, all right, all right! Gods, maybe I should go back to New York. That middle school teaching position has to be better than this crap.’, he muttered, walking away in frustration.

‘Safe!’, Ashley whispered happily, getting a high five from Gretchen. ‘Now we can finally enjoy the movie!’

Gretchen had heard SO much about the romance and drama, that she was surprised when the movie started with a realistic undersea exploration of the ship’s wreck. She had remembered Ashley had mentioned something about the accurate footage, but to see it was another thing entirely. From the furniture all covered in mud and algae to the torn in half hull, by way of the modern diving robot used to search through the dangerous wreckage, every little detail fascinated the science geek, who clasped her hands in awe.

Ashley, who was using this time to get a headstart on her popcorn, smacked out her less impressed thoughts on this sequence. ‘Oh, yeah, probably should have warned you, it takes a few minutes for the good stuff to start. Once you see an old lady, you’ll know.’

Gretchen swiveled her head, surprised by the comment. ‘What are you talking about, Ash? This is awesome! Whoever these explorers are, they’re so lucky! We didn’t even know where the ship was until 1985, thanks to Dr. Robert Ballard and the “Argo”, which was a remote controlled deep sea vehicle, like the one they’re using here! It had sonar and cameras, and it towed behind a ship while this robot named “Jason”, that’s a Greek myth reference, it was tethered to it, roaming the ocean floor, taking pictures and collecting all kinds of creatures! They found the ship 600km off the coast of Canada, imagine, it was there the entire time but we just couldn’t know, and now we can film it like any old thing! I heard that they even found some cool old items, not just jewelry, but also lunch menus and perfumes!’, Gretchen infodumped, and Ashley blinked a few times, before smiling affectionately at her. ‘So, I was right that you’d be impressed with the accuracy.’

‘Affirmative!’

‘Well, wait ‘till they flashback to the proper ship! Oh, finally, this is where the movie really starts! See, these guys are only interested in that diamond, eww, so Cal of them…’, Ashley pointed at the screen, when Gretchen raised an eyebrow. ‘Who’s Cal, is that a new slang word?’

‘You’ll see.’, Ashley chuckled, then pointed again. ‘But see, we’re about to see the old lady, she’s the actually important part!’

So, the movie’s plot really began: Rose Calvert, an old woman living with her granddaughter, claimed to be the owner of the diamond the hunters were looking for, “The Heart of the Ocean”. Of course, for her to be that woman, she’d have to be over a hundred years old, which makes the hunters skeptical. Still, Rose insists it is her, and tells them her story to help them find the diamond… Or so they think.

Ashley was already making excited little noises when Old Rose first appeared, and when she looked at the painting of herself and flashed back to Jack Dawson’s eye admiring her like an angel, Ashley got chills and was already crying AGAIN. She began her own little info dump. ‘God, I love her, she’s so independent now! I know this doesn’t make any sense to you yet, but I’m just so happy to see that, Cal would never have let her express herself through art, and she speaks with such poise and confidence now, but not out of some fancy obligation place, out of a peaceful mastery of her self, it’s literally soooooooooo schway!’

Gretchen (who appreciated the gushing) couldn’t help but find yet another instance of crying amusing, especially when the movie had barely started, and she giggled a little. ‘Ashley, I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but it can’t be THAT sad, can it?’

‘You have NO idea…’, Ashley, between sobs, shook a tissue at her, blowing her nose. Surprisingly, she wasn’t the only one: a few other blows echoed across the theatre. ‘Jeez, maybe it IS that sad.’, Gretchen thought to herself, wondering if she made a mistake in not bringing any tissues herself. Then, she berated herself. ‘Oh, come on! I rarely cry. At least, not NEARLY as much as Ashley. And DEFINITELY not from a movie.’. She settled further into her seat, content with her earlier decision.

Once Old Rose started telling the story, the movie flashed back to 1912, and it was that transition that really caught Gretchen’s eye. ‘It’s been 84 years… And I can still smell the fresh paint. The china had never been used. The sheets had never been slept in. Titanic was called “The Ship of Dreams”. And it was. It really was.’

As Old Rose said those words, a rusty sunken ship turned in one wisp to the ship of dreams, so real and lifelike, so accurate, that Gretchen almost thought it had to be real footage from back then, except it couldn’t possibly be. She let out a tiny gasp, smiling widely at this, and staring at Ashley. ‘It’s very accurate!’, she whispered happily, and Ashley felt such joy at Gretchen’s joy. Gretchen then went into another infodump, and while she did, Ashley stared at her with silent love, resting her chin on her fist. ‘Did you know it was 28 meters wide, 53 meters tall, and 269 meters long? About the length of three football fields! I wonder if they’ll show them stopping by Cherbourg in France and Queenstown in Ireland, they picked up more passengers there! And did you know WHY it was called RMS? Because it was carrying mail, it was a Royal Mail Steamer! Imagine, nearly 3,500 sacks of letters, packages, and documents, all lost to time. What I’d give to read them…’, Gretchen went on and on, then realized she was gabbing a lot, and clasped her mouth. ‘Sorry, I got a little excited…’, she began, only to notice Ashley’s lovesick smile. ‘You know so much…’, she breathed out, and Gretchen, perhaps more than any A+ and science fair first prize, felt emboldened by that statement.

Then, it was Ashley’s turn to gush again, as both Rose and Jack were introduced, the former through her unimpressed glance at the ship and her heart wrenching first monologue (‘It was the ship of dreams… To everyone else. To me, it was a slave ship, taking me back to America in chains. Outwardly, I was everything a well brought up girl should be. Inside, I was screaming.’), the latter through his cunning victory at a poker game to get tickets to the ship (‘The moment of truth, boys. Someone’s life’s about to change.’), then his jubilant run through the crowd onto Titanic (‘We are the luckiest sons of bitches in the world!’), culminating in his waving farewell to the people (‘You know somebody?’, his friend, Fabrizio, asked. ‘Of course not. That’s not the point.’, Jack answered, waving goodbye even harder).

Ashley, once more, was gushing. ‘Look at how elegant those costumes are! Her hat is SOOO pretty! But also, like, that thing she said about screaming, ugh, I’m so lucky I don’t go through that. Imagine, being so tortured by your family, forced to be someone else. She’s such a poet! And Jack, ugh, he’s SOOOO charming, look at his smile throughout that whole sequence! I feel like I’m running with him to the Titanic! And the whole place looks incredible, it’s like a fairytale come to life, even with all the sad parts coming up, eee!’, she squeed quietly, then quietened down too. ‘Sorry, I got carried away again. I hope I didn’t annoy you like I annoy Ashley B…’, she apologized, but Gretchen was staring at her with a lovesick smile too. ‘You care so much about this… It’s very nice to hear you talk about it.’, Gretchen professed, as true as true could be. Ashley blushed and clutched their shared popcorn bucket tighter. All the compliments and praise she had received from the other Ashleys, from her family, from winning beauty contests… None of it held a candle compared to Gretchen’s love.

The two then placed their hands in the bucket at the same time, fingers brushing. At first, they felt just a little uncomfortable…

But when they removed their other hand full of popcorn, the original hands kept holding.

It was cold after all…

Meanwhile, back outside, at the concession stand…

‘Like, hello? Ashley A? Straight honey blonde hair, stylish pink button up, GORGEOUS dark grey blazer, PERFECT attitude, OBVIOUSLY a posh spice/ginger spice, and more reason to live than you two will ever muster in a BILLION years!’, Ashley B ranted, prodding both Tony and Deacon in their “You Oughta Be In Pictures” buttons which decorated their red and white pinstripe outfits. Tony sighed and Deacon rolled his eyes. Even before Ashley A’s personality upgrade, Ashley B was seen as the worst of the lot, and at least the other Ashley’s were cordial and downright friendly. B was… Demanding, at the very least.

As Vince was finding out. ‘Ashley B, will you get a move on? I don’t wanna be seen in public with you. People might say things… I could get booted off of kickball!’, he worried out loud, looking all over the cinema for anyone he might know. Ashley B scoffed, shaking her head and hair. ‘Oh, please! If anything, I’d improve your terrible reputation!’

‘We already told you, Ashley B, we didn’t see Ashley A here. Didn’t she go to the movies with you?’, Tony asked “innocently”, sounding quite fed up with her, as he got some butter out of the minifridge. Ashley B laughed mockingly. ‘Shows how little you know! Ashley A totally ditched us, and I bet she’s hanging out with that stupid Gretchen or something!’

Deacon, sweating a little, leaned on nothing and fell. ‘What… What makes you think that? Did you check if she’s still with you?’

‘Duh, no! But I didn’t need to! It’s OBVIOUS, losers!’, Ashley B insulted, taking her empty Airheads bag and flicking it at Tony’s head. Vince, meanwhile, was losing his patience, and for good reason. ‘Wait, you’re telling me you didn’t even CHECK if she left?! I’m already way out later than I’m supposed to be!’

‘Oh, boo hoo, mommy and daddy are worried sick, wondering where I am!’, Ashley B held her fists up to her eyes and made it look like she was crying like a baby. ‘If I don’t hurry back, they won’t change my diaper!’

‘Real mature.’, Vince shot back, unamused expression as he tapped his foot. ‘Thank you.’, Ashley B replied, too vapid to read the sarcasm.

‘You’re holding up the line, you two. So if you don’t hurry up with your lame excuse to date, I’m gonna take your gold pendant necklace and make a new kind of butter.’, Tony threatened, showing off the butter in the popcorn machine melting under the intense sun lamp. Both kids gasped, but for different reasons. ‘We’re not dating, oh my god, I’d rather massage Ms. Finster’s feet and rub lotion on her back!’, Vince gagged, getting green from the very idea of dating Ashley B. Ashley B, meanwhile, held her necklace protectively. ‘Over my dead body you melt this! You’re lucky I don’t report you to your boss!’, Ashley B threatened, stomping away. Vince, feeling a little bad for the guys, offered what change he had as recompense. ‘Don’t mind her, I think she was born that way.’, he joked, and the two guys laughed. ‘She sure is, brother. Why are you helping her, then?’

Vince sighed, hands in his pockets, unsure how to explain it without revealing too much. He kicked the concession stand lightly, his confused reflection staring back, challenging him to explain. ‘Well, see, there’s this girl I… Like, who I accidentally hurt, Gretchen. It’s possible Ashley B’s best friend is manipulating her or something, and I just wanna help her out of that so things can go back to normal.’

‘LaSalle! You should have followed me YESTERDAY! Come on!’, Ashley B screamed, and Vince sighed, waving goodbye to Tony and Deacon, who both looked at each other in surprise, then grinned. ‘This shit better than any movie out right now!’, They exclaimed at the same time, hoping they’d get more updates soon on this crazy drama.

And how were things with Ashley T and Q in the meantime?

Well, by this time, their movie was nearing its conclusion, about 25 minutes away from ending. Arrietty and her love interest Spiller were trying to save her little brother Peagreen from a milk bottle in a dairy factory, while John Goodman’s character, Ocious P. Potter, was trying to finally trap them all. Now, Ashley T was not a total wuss, as she may have appeared. Inside of her there was a brave heart (not to be confused with a bad Mel Gibson Scottish accent attempt) desperate to beat proudly.

But Ashley T wasn’t quite brave enough for character development, so she was clutching onto Ashley Q like her life depended on it.

‘Oh my gosh, that’s terrible! Leave them alone, they’re just tiny! Who hates tiny things? Ugh, I hate rich people (who aren’t Ashleys, of course, or celebrities, or musicians, or fashion models, etc.)!’, Ashley T shouted out, wrapping herself around Ashley Q’s waist. She felt safe in her presence, especially with those weirdly firm arms she had developed from her recent gym efforts. Ashley Q, who was experiencing a heartbeat far too intense for a movie rated PG for mild peril and some crude humor, shakily offered her shivering friend her sour patch kids. ‘Will this calm you down, T? I know you love lime!’.

Ashley T blushed at such a chivalrous display. Ashleys NEVER shared their candy. ‘She’s SUCH a charmer!’, she thought, eyelashes fluttering. Just because she was only experiencing a weird phase of attraction to girls, AS ANYONE OF HER AGE DID, didn’t mean she couldn’t reap the benefits, right? After all, if it was only temporary, then this meant nothing, right?

Gulping down her cowardice, she attempted the tiniest flirtation. ‘It’s nice of you to notice… But I’d kind of like to try the orange… That’s a… Pretty schway color.’

Ashley Q cartoonishly gulped. ‘Orange? Like my hair? Is that, like, a compliment? Why do I like the sound of that? A compliment from Ashley T? She’s complimented me before! Why… Why does it make me so excited?’. Reaching into the bag, she removed a single orange colored sour patch kid, the goofy little thing waving at her, almost saying ‘Go for it, champ!’.

Slowly, her hand jiggling like Jell-O, she began moving the south patch kid forward, closer and closer to Ashley T’s mouth. Ashley T knew she should just have grabbed it, but she was feeling ballsy all of a sudden.

Grabbing it with her mouth, she felt the sugar calm her down (or, well, raise her spirits). Grinning adorably at Ashley Q, she said ‘Yeah. Orange. Pretty schway.’

Ashley Q was starting to look orange from how hard her blush was. Why did that feel so good to hear? ‘Is this just another weird phase thing, like Basketball?’, Ashley Q wondered, and she squinted at Ashley T, imagining her with a basketball head but the same features. ‘You like the movie so far?’, Basketball Ashley T asked.

Ashley Q would have screamed if she could, but even she wasn’t rude enough to break cinema etiquette. ‘Holy Armani! She’s even cuter!!’

‘Yeah…’, she choked out, patting Ashley T (who was still hugging her waist and even humming happily) on the head. ‘It’s a… Pretty schway movie.’

‘Um, excuse me, little girl, could you tell your friend here to be a little more quiet?’, a dad leaned in, asking Ashley Q. Ashley Q growled, flashing all her teeth, like a really pissed off dog in denial of her homosexuality. ‘BACK OFF, CUEBALL!’, she bit the air, fuming.

The dad placed a hand on his balding scalp, with just a few stray hairs left. ‘Boys don’t cry… Boys don’t cry…’, he muttered, fighting back tears.

‘Oh, this is my favorite part!’, Ashley A exclaimed from the walkie talkie, which was weird to say about a scene in which a kid was worried about being milked, but Ashley T and Q were a little too distracted by being really fucking gay to pay attention to that. ‘Like, totally.’, they both muttered, continuing their weird cuddle.

And speaking of couples rabidly in denial of their mutual attraction…

‘Isn’t it magical?’, Ashley had commented about the chandeliers, the fancy wooden mantelpiece clocks, the red furry hat a certain Molly Brown had. Even at this 6th viewing, she was so taken aback by the utter majesty of the ship, its sails rife with splendor, the golden sparkles practically emanating from every single glinting prop. ‘Indubitably!’, Gretchen had agreed, but not as much with the props as with the accuracy: The ship’s interior scene had her gaping in pure history geek excitement. All the wheels, the pulleys and levers, the incredible machinery needed to keep the ship going, the coal burning! It was like her library book’s descriptions had come to life in front of her, and it brought no end to her joy. ‘Ashley, did you know they used 6,611 tons of coal from the bunkers? And the third hold had a further 1,092 tons! There are 176 firemen there! Oh, and I wonder if they’ll show the newspaper they published for the passengers, “Atlantic Daily Bulletin”!’, Gretchen gushed, and Ashley sighed happily. They were excited about different things, but they were both enjoying themselves, and that’s what mattered.

Then, they both found something they liked.

After a series of beautiful shots showing just how large and technically impressive The Titanic looked, the camera focused on Jack and his friend, Fabrizio, as they saw some dolphins swimming by the ship, almost racing it, one even jumping up into the air. The pure freedom and wonder felt by Jack was intoxicating, as he lifted himself high up at the very nose of the ship, and, arms wide, screamed out “I’m the king of the world!!!”.

Gretchen definitely heard it, since Ashley had repeated it under her breath. ‘Let me guess: this is your favorite part?’, she asked, a little teasingly, and Ashley smirked back. ‘One of dozens. But yeah, I do love that moment a lot! Imagine, feeling that free!’

Gretchen sighed, thinking of her problems with such a concept. ‘I try.’

Ashley, realizing this, sheepishly apologized. ‘Sorry. For what it’s worth, you’re free to be yourself with me.’

‘That’s worth a lot.’, Gretchen gave her a look drowning in adoration, and Ashley felt like she was queen of the world from that.

But when was the moment that Ashley was commenting on earlier that was her favorite moment, when Ashley Q and T were being gay? For that, we skip forwards just a little, to the first of many big turning points in the movie, as Rose did something Gretchen didn’t quite expect.

As a few scenes played out, it became abundantly clear that Rose was A. Far smarter and more cultured (and open minded) than any of the rich people around her, and B. Suffocated by her fiancé and mother. Gretchen was already beginning to notice some similarities between the heiress and her best friend, so she wondered if perhaps Ashley saw herself in Rose. ‘Wouldn’t surprise me. The girl practically lives and breathes romantic movie protagonist.’ she joked to herself, but then, that realization twisted into something more real and upsetting, as Rose suddenly acknowledged that she felt like she was on the edge of a precipice with no one to hold her back… And then began running to the other side of the ship.

‘Wait, what’s she doing?’, Gretchen asked, confused, but Ashley shushed her, lips trembling and eyelashes collecting tears. She had brought 5 whole boxes of tissues, and it looked like the first one would get finished from this scene, as Gretchen was about to find out why.

See, Rose was running to the end of the ship to try and kill herself.

‘Wait, is she trying to…’, Gretchen slowly realized, and Ashley nodded, tears streaming down her face. ‘That’s how trapped she felt.’, Ashley whispered, fighting back a sob. Gretchen’s eyes widened, startled by this development. ‘I thought this was just a silly romance movie with surprisingly accurate historical detail! Is this allowed?’

That made Ashley giggle, and she shook her head and offered Gretchen a tissue. Gretchen shook her head too. ‘I don’t cry at movies, Ashley.’

‘We’ll see.’, Ashley said all mysteriously and teasingly, blowing her nose again.

Meanwhile, as Rose began to position herself at a perfect jumping off position, Jack came to stop her, and their conversation captivated the two girls:

JACK: Don't do it.

(She whips her head around at the sound of his voice. It takes a second for

her eyes to focus.)

ROSE: Stay back! Don't come any closer!

(Jack sees the tear tracks on her cheeks in the faint glow from the stern

running lights.)

JACK: Take my hand. I'll pull you back in.

ROSE: No! Stay where you are. I mean it. I'll let go.

JACK: No you won't.

ROSE: What do you mean no I won't? Don't presume to tell me what I will and will

not do! You don't know me!

JACK: You would have done it already. Now come on, take my hand.

(Rose is confused now. She can't see him very well through the tears, so she

wipes them with one hand, almost losing her balance.)

ROSE: You're distracting me. Go away.

JACK: I can't. I'm involved now. If you let go I have to jump in after you.

ROSE: Don't be absurd. You'll be killed.

(He takes off his jacket.)

JACK: I'm a good swimmer.

(He starts unlacing his left shoe.)

ROSE: The fall alone would kill you.

JACK: It would hurt. I'm not saying it wouldn't. To be honest I'm a lot more

concerned about the water being so cold.

(She looks down. The reality factor of what she is doing is sinking in.)

ROSE: …How cold?

(Jack takes off his left shoe.)

JACK: Freezing. Maybe a couple degrees over.

(He starts unlacing his right shoe.)

JACK: Ever been to Wisconsin?

ROSE (perplexed): No.

JACK: Well they have some of the coldest winters around, and I grew up there,

near Chippewa Falls. Once when I was a kid me and my father were

ice-fishing out on Lake Wissota... Ice-fishing's where you chop a hole in

the--

ROSE: I know what ice fishing is!

JACK: Sorry. Just... You look like kind of an indoor girl. Anyway, I went through

some thin ice and I'm tellin' ya, water that cold... Like that right down

there... It hits you like a thousand knives all over your body. You can't

breathe, you can't think... Least not about anything but the pain.

(He takes off his other shoe)

JACK: Which is why I'm not looking forward to jumping in after you. But like I

said, I don't see a choice. I guess I'm kinda hoping you'll come back over

the rail and get me off the hook here.

ROSE: You're crazy.

JACK: That's what everybody says. But with all due respect, I'm not the one

hanging off the back of a ship.

(He slides one step closer, like moving up on a spooked horse.)

JACK: Come on. You don't want to do this. Give me your hand.

(Rose stares at this madman for a long time. She looks at his eyes and they somehow suddenly seem to fill her universe.)

ROSE: Alright.

(She unfastens one hand from the rail and reaches it around toward him. He

reaches out to take it, firmly.)

JACK: I'm Jack Dawson.

ROSE (voice quavering): Pleased to meet you, Mr. Dawson.

(Rose starts to turn. Now that she has decided to live, the height is terrifying. She is overcome by vertigo as she shifts her footing, turning to face the ship. As she starts to climb, her dress gets in the way, and one foot slips off the edge of the deck. She plunges, letting out a piercing shriek. Jack, gripping her hand, is jerked toward the rail. Rose barely grabs a lower rail with her free hand.)

(QUARTERMASTER ROWE, up on the docking bridge hears the scream and heads for the ladder.)

ROSE: HELP! HELP!!

JACK: I've got you. I won't let go.

Something about the way Jack said it, something about how the two already had such a rapport, something about seeing a girl like Rose, a girl that was quite reminiscent of Ashley A, showcasing that trapped feeling just like she did thanks to the other Ashleys and her mother… Something about all that got Gretchen to feel this powerful chill down her spine. Was this like her and Ashley? She was so taken aback by the similarity to the times she had chosen to comfort Ashley A, even that first time when she didn’t care for her, that she didn’t have time to consider how odd it was that she saw that in a romantic relationship.

Not that the movie gave her much time, as it kickstarted the plot into high gear.

On the one hand, Jack had managed to save Rose, but thanks to a total misunderstanding (one which Gretchen could have found cliche if she actually watched romance movies), now the ship crew AND Cal thought Jack was trying to take advantage of Rose, to put it lightly. ‘What? Why would Rose lie about that? Listen to her!’, Gretchen opined critically, annoyed at the other characters behavior. Ashley chuckled, happy her BFF was getting invested. She offered her the popcorn, and Gretchen munched away angrily.

Thankfully, the misunderstanding was soon cleared up, but when Cal offered to pay Jack a measly sum for it, Gretchen was annoyed again. ‘Is he fucking kidding? He just saved her life! Not that that’s worth any money, but you know! If I saved your life, would your mother do that?’, Gretchen asked Ashley angrily, before chuckling to herself. ‘Okay, maybe she would.’

Ashley chuckled too. ‘Yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised, mommy’s a lil opinionated like that. But see, that’s the point, it’s to show what a jerk her fiancé is.’

Gretchen nodded, before adding ‘She’s got more chemistry with Molly than she does with Cal.’

Ashley giggled, then added ‘She’s got more chemistry with Fabrizio, and they haven’t even met.’

Gretchen laughed back, then concluded ‘She’s got more chemistry with the iceberg.’

Ashley felt such a laugh come out of her that she choked it back with her Dr. Pepper, which made her spit just a little out on the seat after her, which was thankfully unoccupied. Beaming at Gretchen, she stated ‘Gretchy! Like, how are you literally SOOO funny?!’

Gretchen beamed back. Rose wasn’t just a character, but now the color of her cheeks. ‘That’s a secret.’

But this delightful banter opened the girls up to yet another potential problem.

‘Did you hear that? I’d know that valley girl accent anywhere… That’s Ashley A!’, Penny exclaimed, just a few rows below them. Mikey, who was busy wiping his tears with one of his Snicker wrappers (he had forgotten his tissues at home), blinked in confusion. ‘Yeah, so? I would be surprised if she wasn’t here. Everyone knows she’s obsessed with this movie.’

‘No, but see, I think that she’s here with Gretchen!’, Penny explained, excitedly bouncing at the idea of catching them in the act. Mikey tapped his chin in thought. ‘But didn’t we all agree she was just testing her to see if she could be friends with Ashley R?’

‘Mikey, would she really test her by taking her to watch this movie and sit in relative silence for 3 hours?’, Penny asked with an unamused look, hands on her hips, pursing her lips. Mikey honestly found it adorable, and he relented. ‘Well, if it would make you happy, we can take a quick look.’

Penny was taken aback by this, and she twiddled her thumbs, beret covering her eyes a little. ‘Would that matter to you?’

‘Of course!’, Mikey replied so sure of himself, and Penny thanked her lucky stars the cinema was dark. ‘Why the hell does he keep making me blush? He’s a boy and I’m a boy.’, Penny pondered, trying to ignore her heart lurching at that last part. He WAS a boy and he did NOT like Mikey.

…Right?

Regardless, he had far bigger fish to fry. ‘I don’t want you to miss the movie too much, so here’s an idea. See those seats there? I think those empty ones are before where they are, so let’s “excuse me” our way over there.’

‘Right-o!’, Mikey agreed, and the two crouched up (so as to not hide the screen for anyone) and shimmied away from their seats. ‘Excuse me. ‘Scuse me.’, they whispered over and over, shimmying past some audience members who looked a little annoyed. Then, they tiptoed up the stairs towards the row after Ashley A and Gretchen, the two girls now noticing this.

‘Crap! Of course they’re here!’, Ashley A cursed, face palming. ‘We can’t catch a break!’

‘We do seem to be quite unfortunate.’, Gretchen commented thoughtfully, surprisingly not worried. Maybe she was just that confident in Ashley A’s uncanny ability to avoid detection.

Speaking of that, Ashley A snapped her fingers and turned to the row behind her, where two guys sat. Realizing who they were, she laughed mischievously and rubbed her hands in glee. ‘Scandalous…’, she whispered, leaning in and quickly asking them if they could exchange seats, even offering them actual cash and not the usual Ashley A bribe money. The guys nodded, and soon, the duos had exchanged seats. ‘I’m not sure how it’s gonna stop them from looking for us.’, Gretchen asked, but Ashley remained confident. ‘Just watch.’

‘Excuse me, ‘scuse me, excuse me… There!’, Penny whispered, reaching the seats. As Mikey sat down with all their stuff, she suddenly felt the need to brag a little, and puffing up her chest, she patted Mikey’s shoulder. ‘Don’t you worry about talking to them, I know this is a bit personal for you. I’ll hande it.’

‘She’s so brave…’, Mikey sighed romantically as Penny cracked her knuckles and straightened her beret. For whatever reason, the idea of Mikey finding her brave and impressive made her REALLY excited. Clearing her throat, she tapped on the two occupants above her. ‘Oh, Ashley A, Gretchen? If you don’t mind, let us end this silly charade and just admit why we’re really here.’

‘Ashley A? Gretchen? What, you think we’re girls?’, two VERY gruff voices, like tree bark chewed by a grizzly bear, growled at Penny, who gulped and began shaking. ‘Um… Yes?’, she answered, now not very sure that those were Ashley A and Gretchen, unless they were REALLY good at impressions.

When two towering bike riders with chains across their teeth and brass knuckles rose up and snorted hot breaths at Penny, she became QUITE sure that those weren’t Ashley A and Gretchen. ‘What, you think we can’t enjoy a period romance?’, they asked, as Penny shook even more. ‘Oh, what, me, noooo, I’m a big believer in biker’s rights to watch chick flicks.’

‘That term don’t sit right with me, missy. Why don’t we help you back to your original seat?’, one biker asked, grinning. ‘Awfully kind of you, sir, but I think my friend and I can do that ourselves, wouldn’t want to bother you!’, Penny stated, then dragged Mikey back to their original seats, getting a few annoyed shushes from the audience. Sitting back down, white as a ghost, she clung onto Mikey for safety. ‘I think I’ve deduced that they aren’t here, and we should stay put.’

Mikey smiled and wrapped his big, strong arm around her. ‘No worries, we can just stay here.’

Penny closed her eyes tightly. Why did she love that thought? What was happening to her?

In the meantime, Ashley A and Gretchen chuckled quietly to themselves, high fiving. ‘The Ashley A brain strikes again.’, Gretchen complimented, and the two settled into their new seats and back into their movie, as Rose and Jack now walked on the deck, talking and growing closer, just like they did…

And while THAT happened, Ashley Q and T exited the auditorium for “The Borrowers” and walked towards their second movie of the evening, “The Wedding Singer”. As they did, Ashley Q enthused about the movie. ‘Oh, that was like, totally bomb, T! I see why Ashley A was up for watching it two days in a row! How cool would it be to be that tiny? My parents would NEVER fuck with me again, that’s for sure!’

Ashley T nodded, smiling a small smile. ‘Yeah, plus, you’d be, like, super cute! Tiny things are super cute, after all.’

Ashley Q nodded, not thinking as she was speaking. ‘Yeah, like you!’

Ashley T froze still, her heart hammering so loudly you could just about make it. She had stashed Ashley A the Walkie Talkie in her backpack next to her teddy bear, so none of Ashley’s laughs at her brilliant plan got caught. ‘L…Like me?’, she asked in a voice even smaller than she was.

Ashley Q, who clearly didn’t understand why this was rocking her bestie’s world (she had a title to maintain after all: Most oblivious character in the story), nodded and smiled in a friendly way. ‘Yeah! Is something wrong?’

She then got a little self conscious and gripped her arm protectively, looking away a little, neon blue coating her drooping eyes. ‘I’m more than a bunch of insults, you know, I can compliment too.’

‘Oh, no, I know that!’, Ashley T shook her hands, desperate to kill Ashley Q’s growing frown. Neon red coated her face, adding to her blush. ‘I just… I didn’t realize you thought I was cute. I mean, I know you said I look adorable once, I’LL NEVER FORGET THAT, but I didn’t know you thought that, I mean, I’m a member of the Ashley’s for more than just name, but I think we all know I’m not as stylish as A or as mean as B or as mischievous as you, so…’, T began, only for Q to grip her shoulders and stare at her with utmost seriousness, unable to accept this Ashley T slander. ‘Um, hello? Girl, you’re, like, literally the cutest person I’ve ever met? You’re, like, SOOOOOO adorable, the most adorable in the world! And adorableness is REALLY important to being an Ashley, so, like, you’re a TOTALLY crucial and valid member!’

Ashley T was feeling so gay at that moment, it’s a miracle she didn’t get a heart attack. Unable to formulate words, she lifted one hand and made a thumb’s up.

‘That’s my T!’, Q said happily, stroking her hair. ‘I won’t let you have any boo boo’s, especially emotional ones. And you know what helps boo boos?’

‘What?’, she asked dreamily, and Q suddenly leaned in and kissed her cheek.

‘There! All better?’, she asked, returning to her higher position over T. The shadow she cast was quite useful: One couldn’t tell Ashley T was on the verge of dying from “Girl pretty”.

‘Oh, I’m literally so good…’, Ashley T choked out, trying her best not to faint.

‘Great!’, Ashley Q said happily, marching off towards the auditorium. ‘Now, come on, we don’t wanna miss the movie! I can’t wait to see what silly antics Adam Sandler’s up to this time! That guy cracks me up! I hope there’s some sport connection like in Happy Gilmore, for totally non “I kinda like sports” reasons!’, she gushed, feeling proud of herself. She wasn’t just the rude and naughty Ashley, she could be sensitive too, and that cheek kiss proved it!

Suddenly, she realized Ashley T wasn’t there, as a distinct lack of adorableness was present. Turning around, she found Ashley T arguing with a trash can. ‘For the last time, it’s a phase!! Who wouldn’t get excited, any boy would want a kiss from Ashley Q! I get to experience what they won’t until she’s ready, that’s… That’s exclusive and cool, that’s all!’, she berated, well, no one, as no one was there.

‘T! Yo! You’re going the wrong way!’, Ashley Q waved, a little confused. Who was she talking to?

‘Probably the Backstreet Boys.’, Bugs Bunny commented next to her, as Michael Jordan, Patrick Ewing, Shaquille O’Neal, Allen Iverson and Karl Malone walked up to them with popcorn buckets. ‘Hey, let’s shoot some hoops.’, they all said at the same time.

Grunting, she shooed them off. ‘Like, ugh, are you braindead? I am trying to ESCAPE my problems, not confront them! You are all SO lame and whack, talk to the hand and get your lame asses outta here, pronto!’, she berated them, turning her back on Ashley T. Ashley T, walking towards her, tilted her head in confusion, as she waved her fist at a couch. Who was she talking to?

‘Probably Bugs Bunny, Michael Jordan, Patrick Ewing, Shaquille O’Neal, Allen Iverson and Karl Malone.’, The Backstreet Boys commented next to her. Ashley T rolled her eyes. ‘Yeah, like Ashley Q could ever be a loser like me!’

And so, the two girls walked into the auditorium. ‘Say, where’s Ashley A?’, Ashley Q asked, looking all over the place. Ashley T gasped and tightened her backpack straps. ‘Oh, um, I think she’s getting us more snacks! I’ll… Go help her!’, she declared, and thus, ran outside the auditorium, desperately trying to think of a way to convince Ashley Q that Ashley A was not a walkie talkie. Ashley Q shrugged and sat in her seat, suddenly realizing Ashley B was still gone.

‘Wow, she must have REALLY needed to pee!’, Ashley Q mused, sympathetic. She was missing a whole movie because of this! ‘Hmm, she’s been so moody lately, and it’s making my one safe place moody too. Maybe if I cheered her up, I would be able to stop being so sad too.’, she reasoned, the tiny burn marks from the latest attack still sending shivers through her body. ‘I know!’, she snapped her fingers, running outside of the auditorium. ‘I’ll go tell her what happened in the movie while she continues to pee! I’ll be back just before this one starts! I can miss a few trailers for a friend!’, she deduced, and feeling good with herself for once, she jumped up and dashed out, headed towards the toilets.

And speaking of Ashley B…

‘GOD damn it! She’s gotta be here somewhere!’, Ashley B cried out, exhausted, dramatically posing out her fatigue.

Vince, who had just checked inside an office, gave her an annoyed look, hands crossed and eyebrow raised. ‘You know, this was YOUR idea. The least you could do is actually look for her.’

Ashley B, who was on the couch, scoffed at his suggestion. ‘See, this is the problem with you common losers. I’m a LEADER, I order you around, YOU carry out the orders. I thought Gretchen’s brains would have rubbed off on you by now.’

Vince growled, fists clenched. ‘Why the HELL am I doing this? You’re the biggest jerk in Third Street, which is saying a LOT, there is quite the selection!’

Ashley B sighed, stood up, and lifted one cushion. ‘She’s not there. Happy?’

‘Giddy.’, Vince muttered through clenched teeth. How he wished he could forget she ever existed.

Suddenly, the two heard a violet sob, which made Vince jump up into the air, startled. ‘Gosh, is that person okay?’, he asked, trying to find the would be victim that needed his help. Ashley B brushed him off, not bothered at all. ‘Oh, don’t worry, it’s just someone else getting exposed to the BRILLIANT tragedy that is “Titanic”!’

‘Ah, nothing important than.’, Vince replied, making Ashley B purse her lips in judgment. ‘Um, it IS important? “Titanic” is ONLY the greatest movie of all time, besides “Clueless” of course.’

‘A chick flick? Sure.’, Vince chuckled, pissing Ashley B off further. She let out a disgusted grunt and prodded his chest, backing him into the wall. ‘No wonder the only girl who might be interested in you doesn’t even bother! You’re so WHACK!’

don’t CARE what that means!’, Vince shouted back, prodding her now onto a wall. ‘I don’t care about your stupid movies, or your stupid fashions, or your stupid slang, all I care about here is…’

‘Ashley A!’, Ashley B gasped in realization, her mind making the obvious connections.

‘What? No, Gretchen! I thought that was obvious. Aren’t you supposed to be the smart Ashley?’, Vince countered, more confused than anything. Ashley B groaned, clasped his chin, and turned it towards the auditorium showing “Titanic”. ‘We’re looking for Ashley A in a cinema that’s showing “Titanic”, which is her favorite movie of all time, one she’d probably share with anyone.’

‘Anyone… Including Gretchen.’, Vince realized as well, nodding.

‘Exactly! So, in other words, if we wanna end this already, we better sneak inside!’, Ashley B commanded, and Vince acquiesced, as much as he didn’t want to.

‘...Could you let my chin go?’, Vince suddenly asked, and Ashley B, apologetic, let go. ‘Oh, sorry. My bad.’

Then, they walked inside, eyes peeled for Ashley A and Gretchen.

Meanwhile, a bit more of the movie had progressed, and the similarities Gretchen had noticed were piling up and up. ‘Jiminy Cricket, it’s almost absurdly similar! I mean, sure, we didn’t bond over proper spitting…’, Gretchen mused, as that respective scene played above her. ‘But we DID bond over non-Ashley activities.’

Then, Rose’s mother passed by and kept on insulting Jack, even though he had saved Rose’s life and was invited as a return of the favor to the big party the first class were having.

‘And that would undeniably happen too! I’ve already been insulted by Ashley’s mom!’, Gretchen noticed too, starting to blush. So many similarities… With a romance movie? Was that something to think about?

Ashley, who had let out yet another big sob before, suddenly gasped in excitement and gripped Gretchen’s arm. ‘Oh, oh, this is my favorite part!’, she exclaimed, and Gretchen couldn’t help but laugh at that, wagging her finger. ‘Ashley, as a lover of grammar, I cannot excuse this. This must be the 12th time you’ve told me something’s your “favorite part”.’

‘14 times.’, Ashley corrected with a smug grin, before rubbing the back of her head sheepishly. ‘Okay, yeah, I have a lot of favorite parts. But this one’s really good, see, he’s gonna be so charming in the party!’

Gretchen smiled, then grew cautious as she navigated her way through the next words. ‘Say, Ashley… This might sound weird, but doesn’t this… Remind you of us, a little?’

Ashley froze, face scrunching up in thought. She hadn’t even noticed anything of the sort! Gretchen, worried she had said something wrong, already began to calculate all the ways this could go wrong. ‘She could think I’m flirting with her, which I’m totally not, and then she’ll get all disgusted and leave me, and then I’ll have to go back to my friends and confess the whole stupid thing, and then I’ll have to move to a nunnery and change my name, Ashley Johnson, that’s a good name, and then…’

But Ashley wasn’t disgusted, or even disturbed. She simply nodded slowly and shrugged. ‘Yeah, pretty similar!’

Gretchen should have been relieved… But for some reason, she was more confused than anything. ‘Um, Ashley? I just said that this reminds me of us.’

‘Yes? And?’, Ashley asked, eyes so genuinely lost, Gretchen understood she had to dumb it down a bit.

‘These two characters remind me of us.’

‘Mmm hmm.’

‘...In this romantic movie.’

‘Yeah?’

‘...This COUPLE reminds me of US.’, Gretchen finally spat it out, and Ashley, blinking for a whole 10 seconds, finally got it. ‘Oh!’

‘Exactly!’, Gretchen threw her arms up, getting a shush. ‘Sorry.’, she whispered back.

Ashley mulled over this realization for another moment, then settled the matter (in her opinion). ‘So?’

‘What do you mean SO? Don’t you find it just… A little odd?’, Gretchen asked, though even she wasn’t sure what she was trying to prove anymore.

‘Not really!’, Ashley replied cheerfully, tossing some butter popcorn into her mouth. ‘I mean, why wouldn’t it? I love you!’

Gretchen had blushed many times in the last month or so, so many times that she wondered if she should go check with a doctor about it, but this one took the cake. She turned so red and got so shocked that she choked on her coke. Sputtering a little, she wheezed out ‘Did you… Did you say you love me?’

‘Duh.’, Ashley A retorted, and Gretchen, wondering how she could be misunderstanding this, pressed on. ‘Love?’

‘Yeah! You know, like, you’re my BFF, I love you, even more than the other Ashleys!’, Ashley A explained, side hugging her. ‘I love all my friends!’

Gretchen, heart rate finally slowing down, face palmed. ‘This girl will be the death of me, and I don’t even like her that way.’, she thought, ignoring how, for just a moment, the idea of Ashley having a crush on her was… Appealing.

Meanwhile, the movie continued. Jack, thanks to Molly Brown, got dressed for the party, and presented himself as a perfect gentleman (whilst not forgetting who he really was deep down). Once he saw Rose descend gracefully down the stairs (falling for her even harder), he took her palm and kissed it, before joking that he had seen it in a nickelodeon (an old movie show of sorts that cost a nickel) once and always wanted to try it.

Ashley, of course, squealed at this, shaking both her fists side to side, before sighing romantically. ‘Oh, what I’d GIVE to get a kiss like that from a boy.’. Then, she sighed a little sadly. ‘But with my reputation among all the, um, non jerks, and with how annoyed Ashley B is at me… I doubt anyone would want to.’

Gretchen stared at Ashley sympathetically. She knew that this mattered a lot to Ashley A. Gripping her hand, they interlaced fingers, and she made her a promise. ‘If you ever need my help with asking a boy out… Not that I know much, but…’, she began, but Ashley nodded, pausing her. ‘I know. Thank you.’

Gretchen blinked in acceptance. ‘Of course. Personally, I don’t know why anyone would be deterred. Even putting aside personality, you’re the prettiest girl in school.’

Ashley had heard Gretchen say this once, and back then, it didn’t mean much more beyond a nice confirmation.

But now, Ashley A knew that Gretchen Grundler was gay… So she couldn’t help but blush just a little. She didn’t just mean pretty the way straight girls said it. ‘I suppose it’s nice to know I have such wide market appeal.’, she thought, wondering why her heart was beating so fast from that.

Meanwhile, after some polite dinner talk (in which Jack remained true to himself, which disgusted all the rich folk who judged him for being… Poor by no choice at all. Charming), Jack and Rose decided to go do something a lot more fun, as they went to the party Third Class were having. As Ashley clapped and giggled at the romantic dancing and silly bonding, Gretchen kept on getting reminded of things. ‘Just like Ashley visiting my house and finding out she liked all those non Ashley things. This is fascinating.’

But their fun was interrupted as they suddenly heard a familiar whiney voice. ‘Ashley A? Ashley A? I know you’re in here. I know you snuck out of our movie. And I am positive you’re here with that freak, Grundler.’

‘Ashley B!’, Ashley and Gretchen cried out at the same time, panicking. ‘What do we do?’, Ashley A asked, and seeing as she was the one to help last time, Gretchen decided to return the favor. ‘Sit here and enjoy some popcorn, Ash. I’ll take care of this selfish jerk.’, Gretchen remarked, straightening her brown hat and wearing a tough expression. Ashley, taken aback by how cool Gretchen looked and felt there, sparkled as she ate some popcorn, transfixed. ‘Sure thing, Gretchy.’, she remarked, chewing on some popcorn and watching her in awe.

Surveying the area, Gretchen felt proud of herself for bringing some night vision goggles. ‘You never know when they’ll come useful!’, she commented, scanning for Ashley B. Not only did she find her just two rows above them, but she also spotted Vince. ‘Oh, a chance to get back at my friends for being like Ashley B? Color me grateful.’, Gretchen smirked mischievously, and she began to formulate a plan. How could she get them out of there and also tease them a little? She didn’t want to leave the cinema… Then, it hit her.

‘I don’t need to leave… But my coat and hat could.’, she eureka’d, then approached a girl who looked quite similar to her. ‘Greetings! I’ll rent out your services for 5 dollars and half a bag of Peanut Butter Cups if you wear my coat and hat and walk outside for about a minute or two!’

The girl surprisingly took the deal, and suddenly, Gretchen spotted from the corner of her eye someone dressed just like Ashley A, and her naughty smirk curled further. ‘Oh, and see that girl out there, with the dark grey blazer and black skirt? Walk next to her, please!’

The girl nodded, happily accepting the payment. Then, she headed out, Gretchen waving bye to her and climbing back to Ashley, elbowing her to check it out.

‘Hey, look, that’s Gretchen!’, Vince pointed out, surprised that she really was there. Ashley B squinted, hand above her eyes to see better. ‘She’s wearing a weird coat and hat, how’s that her?’

‘That’s her dad’s, she wears it sometimes when she gets cold!’, Vince informed Ashley B, and she nodded, accepting this. ‘It DOES look as ugly as her.’

Then, as they kept on looking, they saw a girl that looked a lot like Ashley A right next to her. ‘Ashley A! It’s gotta be them!’, Ashley B observed, Vince agreeing. With a curt nod, they raced past all the rows, unknowingly running right past Ashley A and Gretchen, the latter waving bye teasingly, the former giggling at the silliness of it all.

After they reached the exit and then the outer hall, the two easily caught up to “Gretchen” and “Ashley A”. ‘I can’t believe them! The audacity to just hang out like that so casually! There’s no way she’s testing her as a friend for that loser Ashley R by watching this movie!’, Ashley B ranted, marching faster and faster towards them, and Vince hated to admit that he understood how she felt. ‘So they both have been lying to us the whole time?’, he mused, feeling genuinely betrayed by that, especially after Gretchen had reacted so badly to his and the gang’s act of betrayal. As their hands reached the coat wearing girl’s shoulders, they both reacted with (slightly) understandable vitriol. ‘Care to explain?’, Ashley B asked, while Vince harrumphed, only for the girl to turn around and reveal that she was very much NOT Gretchen. For one, she had purple hair. For the other, she wore a nose ring.

She also wore a T-Shirt that said “My Name’s Not Gretchen”, but that was just the cherry on top.

‘Who, me? Just taking a minute off of the movie.’, the girl replied with a knowing grin. Ashley B and Vince gaped, then stared at each other, feeling like crap. ‘I’m so sorry, dude, we didn’t know…’, Vince started, but Ashley B squinted in confusion. ‘Wait, but then, if you’re not Gretchen, who are you?’, she asked, tapping on the Ashley A lookalike.

Turning around, the two were surprised to find Ashley T dressed as Ashley A!

‘Um… There’s a really good reason… I’ll tell you one day!’, Ashley T blurted out, lying, then rushing off towards the auditorium where Ashley Q was supposed to be.

‘...What the fuck?’, Vince blurted out, while Ashley B sputtered out ‘Like, what?’, in confusion. They couldn’t have been more wrong. Surely it couldn’t get worse?

‘That valley girl accent! I’d recognize it anywhere! You must be the runner from the halls, with the weird bribery money with her face on it!’, Usher Rotwood popped out of nowhere, pointing at Ashley B accusingly.

‘What? I wasn’t running in the halls! Ugh!’, Ashley B denied aggressively, shaking her fist at Rotwood. Vince raised a finger, defending himself. ‘And neither was I!’

‘Oh, please, you have the same voice and height and disgusting fashion sense!’, Rotwood pointed out, clutching both their arms. Ashley B growled, trying to bite his arm. ‘How dare you?! Wait, the bribery money… You think I’m Ashley A!’

‘What?’, Vince asked, and B waved him off. ‘It’s a whole thing she does. Regardless, I’m not Ashley A! We’re nothing alike! Look, we wear different clothes!’

‘You probably changed in the toilets.’, Rotwood ignored her, dragging them down the hall.

‘We have different hair!’, Ashley B reminded, something that still bugged her a little.

‘You probably changed that too.’, Rotwood insisted, passing by the offices.

‘...She’s white?!’, Ashley B finally pointed out, incredulous. Vince too was surprised he hadn’t picked up on that.

‘Well, no one’s perfect.’, Rotwood settled it, reaching a door Ashley B had never seen before. ‘Wait, where are you taking us?’, she asked, but the answer would come later.

Meanwhile, at the ladies’ room…

‘And then, they all tied up John Goodman, and he looked like an idiot, and all the borrowers went to live in the old house, and Arrietty and Spiller are so clearly gonna be a thing, and it was, like, totally fun! Very schway, much scandalous!’, Ashley Q finished her 20 minute long rant to the toilet stall, waving goodbye. ‘Well, I hope you finish peeing soon, Ashley B! Our other movie’s about to start! Hope this helped!’

Whistling, she felt pleased with herself. ‘I’m a good friend!’, she mused, approaching her auditorium.

Inside the toilet stall, Ms. Finster opened the door, confused. ‘What the hell was that about?’

Back at the auditorium, Ashley Q and Ashley T met up, except, well, the latter was disguised as Ashley A. ‘Oh, Ashley A! T and I were looking for you! Did you get more snacks?’

Ashley T, holding up a giant Hershey Bar and another bag of Sour Patch Kids, plus Peanut Butter Cups and Airheads, nodded. ‘Oh, like, totally! I’m Ashley A and I got more snacks! Definitely not been turned into a walkie talkie, and getting covered by Ashley T! I’m Ashley A! Here, see, I say things she does! Sabrina the Teenage Witch! Ginger and Posh Spice! Fro Yo! Muffin my kitty! I’m just SO Ashley A!’, she lied terribly, which, to be fair, was VERY Ashley A of her.

Ashley Q blinked a few times, then clapped her hands. ‘Great! I’m totally excited to see this movie with you girls! Though Ashley B’s still peeing. I hope she’s okay.’

‘I’m sure she is, hey, I’ll meet up with you in there!’, Ashley T announced, then she ran inside to cover the seat next to her with the Ashley A outfit she had purchased from the clothes store nearby, placing the walkie talkie in the seat and patting it. ‘Sorry for how long that took, I hope you’re okay!’, Ashley T said kindly, giving her the peanut butter cups. ‘If you don’t have an appetite, Q and I will finish it for you! I’m sure turning into a walkie talkie isn’t comfortable!’

Then, she ran back to Q, now looking like herself again.

‘Oh, T! Great, I was worried we lost you too!’, Q greeted, hugging her. T blushed and giggle, enjoying the embrace. ‘You’re so soft…’, she expressed, fighting back the urge to nuzzle. ‘I just had such a hard time… Looking for Ashley A.’

‘Well, that just won’t do! Come, let’s totally sit and watch our movie, and I’ll keep on hugging you! I like that a lot more than hugging the other girls, for some reason!’, Ashley Q expressed, and the two walked up to their aisle.

Ah, oblivious lesbians…

And speaking of oblivious lesbians, how about we return to our main ones, as they finally watch the rest of their movie?

Well, back with the girls, Ashley was sobbing again, but this time, Gretchen totally understood why. After having spent the night at the third-class party with Jack, Rose had incurred her fiancé’s wrath. No longer he seemed so disinterested when now it looked like he could lose her, and specifically, her riches. After talking back to him, saying she’s not just some worker of his, Rose received the true measure of Cal’s love: Slapping the breakfast china away as a threat to her safety, Cal made it clear that if she were to step out of line, she’d be next.

After a similarly disheartening conversation with her mother, it became clear: If Rose were to be with Jack, and thus, be herself, she would be punished and she would ruin her family’s name and future.

And if that didn’t feel familiar to Gretchen, nothing would.

‘This is, to use a word Ashley loves, LITERALLY what would happen to hear if people knew of our friendship!’, she thought, though, she was happy to add to herself, she wouldn’t get physically hurt, at least. Her parents weren’t like that. But the rest was terribly true.

Looking to her side, she saw Ashley crying while downing popcorn, which was kind of funny, admittedly. Still, she knew what Ashley would do if she cried…

Placing a comforting hand on the open palm, Gretchen gave her friend the kindest stare she could muster. ‘Hey. This won’t happen to us.’

Ashley blinked away tears, then, with a watery smile, whispered ‘Funny. I was just about to reassure you about that. I know how anxious you get.’

‘Thanks, but like I said, I don’t cry at movies.’, Gretchen reminded, a little sassily. What, she couldn’t brag for a change?

‘Oh, shut up!’, Ashley jokingly retorted, tossing a popcorn kernel at Gretchen, who caught it with her mouth skillfully. ‘You’ll definitely cry at the next bit then. It’s MY favorite part, for real and for true.’

And so, the most famous part of the move came to pass.

Jack leaned across the boat, after a failed attempt at convincing Rose of their love. She was doomed to be trapped forever, he supposed. It wasn’t fair. He could dress the part, play the part, but he could never be part of her life…

“Hello, Jack.”, Rose greeted, slowly stepping towards him, an epiphany in motion. Jack turned in surprise, the sunset that had felt like a dusk setting on his chances with her suddenly rising like the phoenix. Bathed in orange light, he stared at her smile in question, the wind blowing her perfectly sculpted hair into a wild weave of reckless abandon, the real Rose clawing her way out of the box she had been placed in all her life.

4 words may not sound like much to some, but in this case, they changed everything.

“I changed my mind.”

The smile of relief that stretched across Jack’s face could have fit the ship’s hull. He seemed more relaxed than joyful, like he would have spent the rest of his life wearing a question across his face. Now holding the answer in the palm of his hand, all he had to do was take hers.

Walking up to him, Rose began explaining. ‘They said you might be here…’, she began, but Jack hushed her, a finger to his lips, as hers were not yet his to adore. ‘Give me your hand.’, he asked, just as he did once, to save her life. Now, he was gonna help her start that life.

Rose stared down at it, for a moment. It was rough, course, and shaped by hours upon hours of imprinting people’s souls onto scraps of paper. It was nothing like Cal’s perfectly smooth hand hidden by the silk gloves of his wardrobe.

And so, it was perfect.

Looking up, an uncontrollable smile, so unnatural on her face that one didn’t know if they should cry or smile at such a sight, Rose took his hand, and drew closer to him. Still, uncertainty plagued her step. How did one head towards heaven when one didn’t know what clouds looked like?

“Now, close your eyes.”, he asked, that mischievous ember burning in his words and eyes. How could one so poor in wealth be so rich in life? Rose assumed what anyone would assume: He wanted to kiss her, and claim her as his own.

Jack, of course, had other intentions. But he needed her to face them with blind trust, first. “Go on.”, he encouraged, but gently: A plea, not a demand.

With the slightest nod, Rose acquiesced to his request, choosing to surrender her empty heart into his care. “Now, step up.”, he continued, helping her to do so. Her smile grew at this unexpected turn. This wasn’t a kiss, that’s for sure. But what was it?

“Now, hold onto the railing.”, he kept on directing, as the wind began to really beat at her hair. “Keep your eyes closed, don’t peek!”

“I’m not!”, Rose promised, and Jack kept on helping her up. ‘Now, step up onto the rail.” She did, and the wind turned stronger still. Now he really needed to support her. “Hold on, hold on.”, he called, holding onto her waist. “Keep your eyes closed.”

Finally, they were in position. Inches away from her ear, he beckoned “Do you trust me?”.

Instantly, she replied “I trust you.”, with not an ounce of hesitation in her soul.

And so, Jack spread her arms wide, as she smiled at the movement. The wind combined with her pose made her look like a bird, freed of its shackles and cage, set out to soar across the sky as it was intended to. No longer an object of affection for a human master, but a natural beauty to be admired by all, but most of all, by herself.

“Open your eyes.”, Jack released her, with a knowing smile, and when she opened those blue eyes, blue as the sea that now stood before her command, she gasped. The shock of true liberty, soon followed by the thrill of witnessing this golden mirage. “I’m flying!”, she cried, slowly embracing this miracle. “Jack!”, she cried again, as he held onto her waist, as he admired her there, as her clothes fluttered, as her heart went on and on.

They interlaced fingers. He closed his arms around her, and she let him.

And then, they finally kissed, locking each other up in a cage of their choice: a cage of eternal devotion upon a sea of endless freedom.

Ashley, who was less 9 year old girl, more blubbering stream of endless tears, looked upon Gretchen, expecting a similar reaction, or at least a little glinting here and there.

Imagine her shock when she saw not a single tear. Not even the beginning of one.

‘How?’, she croaked out, clutching her heart. ‘You’re witnessing cinematic perfection!’

‘Ashley, for the last time, I don’t cry at movies! I’m not saying this isn’t really emotional, it is! I’m not saying I don’t relate to this in a way, I do! This really reminds me of when we admitted we want to be friends! I’m even invested in the romantic relationship here, believe it or not!’, Gretchen admitted analytically, finger up in the air. Then, she shrugged and leaned back on her chair, hands behind her head. ‘What can I say, I’m just not a movie crier.’

‘Well, there’s a whole boat left to sink, so we’ll see about that, won’t we?’, Ashley stuck her tongue out, but in a sporting kind of way, and Gretchen stuck hers back while correcting her. ‘Ship.’

‘Oh, whatEVER.’

Alas, for Gretchen, it seemed like Ashley’s words weren’t far from prophetic. Perhaps it was the fact that all of the reminders were of a simpler time, a time when she and Ashley weren’t even sure if they liked each other. Once the movie placed Rose and Jack together, things started to go wrong, and that reminded Gretchen of something truly nerve wracking: The fear of being found out, a fear still present even in a wonderful day such as this.

Now, it wasn’t ALL reminders of that: Gretchen got a healthy serving of gay panic too from the famous painting scene (Ashley herself wondered why she was kind of excited by it too), and when the ship started sinking, she immediately began noticing historical accuracies and discrepancies, noting them and informing Ashley (who was actually interested and not dismissive, a fact that made Gretchen’s heart sing).

But the movie’s decision to have Jack and Rose get together just as the trouble began felt like a stern and stark slap to the face, a reminder of how she and Ashley were constantly on the precipice of disaster: If anyone truly found out, they’d be separated. Ashley’s life would be a living nightmare, and Gretchen’s friends might never let her back in. Such thoughts struck Gretchen’s heart like a thunderstrike, and thinking of all that while seeing the heartbreaking tragedy of all those people affected by an event born both of human error and an act of god was pretty damn effective.

‘They just got together, that’s not fair…’, she muttered, as Rose and Jack ran away from Cal’s servant, the former flipping him off. The lovebirds dashed across the lower decks, entering the cargo hold and united in a certain non g-rated way. ‘The ship’s gonna sink, are they dense? Get out of there, you can procreate on land.’, Gretchen commented in frustration born of worry, and Ashley chuckled, nudging her. ‘Invested?’

‘I’m just marveling at the lack of logic at play. I swear, they better both just comply with the safety regulations when shit hits the fan.’

Of course, it wasn’t that simple. When Rose and Jack realized what was going on and got back up, shit REALLY hit the fan: thanks to the servant planting the necklace the treasure hunters had been looking for, the one Cal gave Rose, in Jack’s pocket, they had reason to arrest him in the lower decks. For a moment, Rose, so fragile thanks to having just gotten free, believed it. ‘Of course he didn’t!’, Gretchen almost shouted, exacerbated. ‘How can you fall for that, these guys are practically twirling their moustaches!’

Ashley chuckled again, leaning closer to her. ‘We’re getting investedddd.’, she sing songed.

‘We’re not getting investedddd.’, Gretchen sing songed back.

But she was, she definitely was. When Jack was handcuffed in the office with water starting to rush in, Gretchen’s eyes widened. When Rose cursed her mother and slapped Cal to run back down and save Jack, she cheered quietly (which made Ashley grin a goofy grin, through tears, of course). When Rose and Jack tried to save the father and son and failed, she gulped. And when every path to safety was cut off, she genuinely gasped, especially when Cal tried to take Jack away and Rose climbed back in from the safety boat, preferring to be in danger with Jack than in safety without him.

‘They’re not gonna die, that’s now how these movies go…’, Gretchen reminded herself quietly, and it took all of Ashley’s willpower not to reveal the truth. As Gretchen got more and more tense, Ashley let her finish the popcorn, and even held her hand through it, the two squeezing each other throughout the finish.

And Gretchen was gonna need it, as they finally reached that scene of all scenes… The door on the ocean floor.

As Rose and Jack swam in the ocean of freezing bodies, they were an ocean to themselves. There was no time to think of all the lives dimming out between them, just survival. “It’s so cold!”, Rose exclaimed, and she was right: Such icy depths at this area of the Atlantic? It was a miracle they weren’t dancing at the bottom of the sea already. “Swim, Rose!”, Jack screamed at her, ever the flame to her moth. He had to save her, after all their hard work, they couldn’t just give up. “Come on, here! Keep swimming! Come on!”, he cried, as they barely tread past the waves. “Here, get on, get on top!”, Jack suddenly exclaimed, as a miracle came into view: a balsa wood door torn from the ship. This was their chance, this would be their boat to shore.

“Come on, Rose!”, Jack called out, and the two began to climb the door, exclaiming and grunting in freezing pain, just barely having the strength to ascend the platform. Still, at least they were safe. At least now everything would be o…

“Aaagh!!”, Rose suddenly screamed, as the door lifted up in the air and began to overturn, like a canoe. Jack, pushing it back to position, instructed Rose to “Stay on it.”. As he tried to figure out what to do. If they both couldn’t be on it, that meant…

Yet, as Rose ascended the makeshift raft and calmed down, so did Jack. Somehow, despite the thousand knives stabbing his chest, it felt… Smaller. Nothing was as important right now as her steadying heartbeat, her relaxed breathing, her body ceasing its icy transformation. Right now, all that mattered was that she wasn’t going to die.

“It’ll be all right now.”, he reassured her, knowing full well that it wasn’t going to be all right for one of them. He’d damn well try, though. Foreheads touching, they took a moment of peace, disturbed by a ship officer blowing his whistle, screaming in desperation “Return the boats!”

Hope? False, most likely. Jack wasn’t going to let her have that. All her life she faced an ugly truth. She could at least die with a beautiful lie. “The boats are coming back for us, Rose.”, he hushed her, like a man consoling a dying robin in his palm. “Hold on just a little bit longer.”, he said, reminding her of when she almost killed herself.

Facts. Explanations. Anything to distract her, he decided, eyes transfixed on her fear. “They had to row away for the suction… But now they’ll be coming back.”, he explained, hoping she’d buy it. Maybe he was lying to himself too. Truthfully, he knew that even if the boats came back, it would be too late.

What he hoped is that it would only be too late for one of them.

Rose, looking like a frozen winter lily, trembled, trying to warm herself with this belief.

A few moments later, after seeing some of the other survivors, and the boats trying to come back to rescue those left behind, Jack and Rose were still hanging on, barely. Jack was feeling cold like no cold he felt before, a cold so inhuman and so distressing, one had to wonder what kind of cruel god invented it. All that kept him from surrendering to the mighty depths was Rose, still just beyond wilting. “It’s getting quiet.”, she noted, almost in dull surprise, the kind one used when half asleep. Jack understood the vitality of the situation: He wouldn’t let her die, damn it. “It’s just going to take a couple minutes to get… The boats organized…”, he breathed out, barely holding on, but he would hold on as long as possible to keep her holding on. “I don’t know about you, but…”, he began, the ghost of a smile on his lips, as far as they could muster it right now. “I intend to write a strongly worded letter… To the White Star Line about all this.”

Rose seemed shocked at first at this attempt at humor, before realizing this was exactly what made her want to die for him. So, fighting every single shiver reverberating in her ribcage, she mustered out a whisper stronger than any war cry uttered by man: “I love you, Jack.”

But there was more to that statement, and Jack knew that. Rose was slipping, falling as ever into her inner darkness. Only this time, this would result in a physical, not just spiritual death. “Don’t you do that.”, he stated, as strongly as if he were talking to the angel of death itself. “Don’t you say your good-byes. Not yet. Do you understand me?”, he cut her death wish down, but Rose could only be so strong. She had been, for 17 years. “I’m so cold…”, she said again, sounding more like a child past her bedtime. Perhaps… Perhaps in this rest, she would be happy…

“Listen, Rose…”, Jack ignored her, ignored his own pain, putting all of his effort into this, even if every word was like an icicle stabbing his heart. “...You’re gonna get out of here. You’re gonna go on… And you’re gonna make lots of babies. And you’re gonna watch them grow. You’re gonna die… An old… An old lady… Warm… In her bed. NOT here. Not this night. Not like this. Do you understand me?”

Such beautiful, warm words were enough to melt any frozen heart, but such was the state of the broken water lily that she still felt no strength for such a journey, let alone one without him. “I can’t feel my body…”, she muttered, one that felt useless without him.

Jack knew he had to try just a little harder, despite how close he was to extinguishing. Only water so cold could take out a soul so fiery. Touching her face, ignoring how chilled they both were, he looked into her eyes with love that no one else would feel as strongly for another 100 years, and he pressed further, for he loved her more than he feared death. “Winning that ticket, Rose… Was the best thing that ever happened to me…”, he breathed out, steam coming out of his mouth. “It brought me to you. And I’m thankful for that, Rose… I’m thankful.”

For the first time during this moment, Rose smiled. Such was Jack’s strength, that even now, he could brighten her spirits in the coldest hell. “You must… You must do me this honor.”, he suddenly asked, hands on her door, then clasping hers, a bond that no wave could break, no ocean could drown. “You must promise me that you’ll survive. That you won’t give up… No matter what happens. No matter how hopeless. Promise me now, Rose… And never let go of that promise.”

It was only natural, he thought. To create life, did one not have to give a life away?

Rose, so taken aback by this, by this act of true love and heroism, by a sacrifice so pure, that she looked deep within her to find that person she had wanted to be for so long, and in a way, ironically, surrounded by all this death…

Rose Dawson Calvert was born.

“I promise.”, she said, firmly, determinedly, with a spirit that one would have thought she never had.

Jack, satisfied with her and with a life well spent in anything but riches, kissed her hands. “Never let go.”

“I’ll never let go, Jack.”, Rose promised, now on opposite sides of a hand away from death. Lips trembling, tears threatening to leave, she repeated it. “I’ll never let go.”

He smiled, then, that boyish smile, one that should have beaten any odds, and their foreheads touched, waiting for fate to tear them apart.

So, they floated there, until the boats came.

Minutes passed, who knows how many? Rose held on and on, and when she heard the boats, she felt joy rip apart the winter cobwebs in her heart. Reaching towards Jack, she tried to wake him up. “Jack! Jack! There’s a boat, Jack!”

But then she saw it, and the smile slowly dissolved into horrible acceptance: Jack wasn’t sleeping. Even Jack couldn’t survive such strife.

Closing her eyes, Rose felt that precipice looming her entire life present itself. What was the point? She had no one to hold onto.

…No one… But herself… And the promise she made…

Jack had given his life up so she could live hers. How selfish would she be if she didn’t grasp that gift by the hand… Brave the waves… And try? For him, and for herself.

[coyotescribbles]

Like A House On Fire [Part 11]

Continuing from...

-----

By the time the moons had risen, the fog had finally cleared, and Z realized that she could see for kilometers in every direction. It was almost difficult to remember to keep walking, and not just because her feet were killing her - some part of her just wanted to stand rooted to the spot so she could take in every last detail.

The dense golden-white cloud of the Milky Way and the countless blue stars that painted the vast expanse, a glittering backdrop for the two brilliant moons that painted the gently-rolling desert foothills in shining silver. In the distance, void-black mountains raised their jagged peaks towards the scintillating sky - a sky mirrored in the faint patches of lights sprawling across their flanks.

As she watched, a half-dozen red stars descended towards those lights.

If we did not evacuate them, Hatchet had said, the inbound military forces would kill them all, and use their corpses to paint us as the aggressors.

And then the Ministry of Truth's embedded Redactors would finish the job, executing the SEAF regulars and even any accompanying Helldivers who had participated in the killing, before retreating back to the stars. SEHC's propaganda machine would do the work from there.

A bitter taste filled her mouth at the thought.

"Z?" Hatchet's voice cut through her thoughts, and she realized that she'd stopped; snapping back to attention, she jogged to catch back up to him.

This time, when he offered her his arm, she didn't even try to argue, wearily climbing up to settle in the crook of his elbow.

"Sorry," she murmured as she leaned into his side and the heat radiating from his chassis; "I got a little distracted for a minute."

"You're worried, it is understandable," came his soft reply, underscored by the clicking of his arm's joints locking. "Try to rest for now, though. It's been a long day."

"Mmh."

With a long sigh, Z pulled the hood of her coat down over her face and pushed herself a little more firmly against Hatchet's side. An amused little rumble rose up in his chest at that.

"Comfortable, little sister?"

"Kinda," she mumbled, voice slightly muffled; "you're warm."

Hatchet laughed softly in reply.

For what felt like a long time, she just rode along in silence, half-asleep. Unlike the previous night, however, it was hard to shut her brain all the way off and fully sleep; there was just too much churning through her mind, keeping her awake.

Eventually, she gave up, pulling her hood back down with a defeated sigh. "Ah, fuck it…"

"Something wrong?"

"No, my brain just won't stop… buzzing. It's keeping me awake."

"That sounds like something is wrong, little sister."

Z scoffed softly and heaved another sigh, letting her head fall back against his shoulder. "It's fine. I'm fine, I just can't stop thinking, is all. This is the first actually quiet day I've had in a long time, think my brain's just freaking out a little."

"Would you care to talk about it? It might help."

"I…" She faltered for a moment.

She'd been faltering an awful lot over the past couple of days.

"…I don't actually know how to describe it," she admitted at length, "I've never done that before. Not since I was little, anyway…"

Despite the bulk of his chassis being in the way, she could still feel his scrutiny; it left her feeling uncomfortably open.

"I think I am starting to better understand you," Hatchet's voice was almost too quiet to hear; "I have never met a human like you, and I am beginning to see why."

"What's that mean?"

"You've been isolated for some time, haven't you?"

"…I, well… sort of?" Ever since I had to start holding K at arm's length… "It's. Complicated."

"Perhaps not as complicated as you believe." Z could never quite get used to the gentleness of the big Devastator's voice, or how vulnerable it made her feel. "Humans are… fragile. Without interpersonal connections, you wither and fade. Become despondent, desperate, fearful, and easy to control."

Z bit her lip, turning her eyes back towards the stars.

"Ah, but you," he continued, "you are full of rage and hurt, too, all hidden under a mask of indifference - a mask that cracks under the pressure of that underlying desperation, your need for the kindness and companionship you've been denied."

"…Read me like a Major Order, why don't you." She tried to laugh, but it came out strangled, and her vision blurred for a moment. The heel of her hand came away wet when she reached up to scrub at her eyes, and she stared blankly at it for a moment.

If Hatchet noticed, he didn't draw attention to it.

"You haven't made it terribly easy, but the clues were there. I am glad I took the time to start to piece them together, rather than simply going with my first impression."

"And what was that?"

"Your highly atypical fear response initially led me to believe that you were… perhaps somewhat insane."

That caught her off-guard, and she found herself burying her face in her coat sleeves to muffle her sudden laughter. "Oh my god."

"But, as it turns out, all you needed was a little compassion and a chance to not be so afraid." Now she was absolutely sure that he was being smug about something. "I have always prided myself on never being wrong, but I am glad that I was, just this once."

"You say that like you have a habit of picking up stray humans," she mused, leaning into him once more; "and here I thought I was special."

"You are, little sister. You're the first I've opted to keep, rather than forwarding to a CyOp recruiter."

"Well when you say it like that it sounds like I'm your pet." Z nudged him with her elbow, barely holding back another laugh even as he chuffed softly in amusement. Then, "…what, exactly, is a CyOp?"

"Ah. It will be my pleasure to explain…"

Maybe it was the rhythmic marching pace, or maybe it was the even, low tone of his voice, but eventually Z found herself lulled to sleep, her mind finally quiet. The last thing she remembered was nestling into his radiant heat as she listened to him recount how he'd singled out his most recent likely CyOp candidate… And the next she knew, the gray light of dawn was peeking past her hood, while electronic chatter filtered back through the column.

She was sure that there were more voices than there had been previously.

Stirring drowsily, she pushed her hood out of her face and squinted past the sudden brightness of daylight. When her eyes adjusted, she could see that there were, indeed, more Automatons marching alongside them - almost forty more, she guessed at a glance.

"Hatchet…?"

"Outposts Twenty-Nine and Thirty-Two converged on us earlier this morning," he explained quietly.

"Oh… which outpost were you?"

"Thirty-One."

"So where's Thirty?"

"Their crew included three tanks," his tone turned dry, "they made significantly better time."

Z couldn't help the way she snorted at that, even as she took stock of the new day's situation. The sky had clouded over once more, with thick low clouds that threatened snow. The dense fog that had engulfed the past few days remained conspicuously absent, replaced by a thin, gauzy haze that hung over the horizon like a veil. Gone was the sand of the foothills, replaced by firm, gravelly dirt and bare swaths of that familiar black sandstone, on which grew sparse, coarse brownish grass and a few short scrubby plants.

It almost reminded her of a few planets where she'd been sent bug-hunting, and she had to consciously refrain from looking for signs of Terminid infestation.

Old habits die hard.

"Hey, uh… these new guys aren't going to get cagey about me being here, are they?" Her voice was quiet and uncertain as she leaned in close to Hatchet.

"No," he replied, just as quietly, "but stay close, some may not be so watchful about where they step."

"So noted."

Her dismount was… significantly more graceful than the previous morning's had been, even if her still-aching feet protested, and she hit the ground focused and determined to see the rest of this trip through - as well as appropriately wary of their new companions. Particularly the three new Devastators and two Hulks that now brought up the rear alongside her and Hatchet. Z gave each of them a brief glance-over, making note of their positions before looking forwards once more… and stepping a bit closer to Hatchet.

Only a few more hours… it should only be a few more hours…

And then the real trial would begin.

[mutantlord]

Digital Combat Ink Art from page 67 of The Mutant Epoch RPG Expansion Rules

Hacking and Firewall Besides traits, other details unique to digital beings are their attack and defense modes, with hacking equivalent to strike value, and firewall equivalent to defense value. These traits are abbreviated as HK and FW. Hacking, or HK, is used to engage other digital beings and robots, androids, and computer systems on board vessels or within installations. Digital combat occurs within the patch cable and port where the target entity has its physical body restrained or the attacker gets adjacent to the target CPU’s container or body. The defending unit might actually be more powerful than the attacker, and turn the tables and instead hack the aggressor — although even if defeating another digital being, either party need not occupy the CPU of the victim but instead merely fragment it or do other harm. Sometimes, wireless hacking attacks can be made, too, although this is a special app described on page 84. Once a target CPU is drained of data, and fragmented, the conquering digital being can flow into the victim’s CPU via a patch cable and claim its robotic body, or machinery, and assume it as its new body.

From the Mutant Epoch RPG Expansion Rules Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0994923791

[collective-remnants-rwby]

Team RWBY Domain Expansions pt. 1

Succeeding this, I wanted to make Domain Expansions for RWBY characters, starting with the main team themself.

Also, these Domains are gonna be different than JJK Domains, as most of them won't be Lethal Domains. They're a reflection of the Semblance, and what the user generally wants to accomplish with their Semblance, which usually isn't killing. There is still a "sure hit" factor, though, along it with the user being unable to use Semblances afterwards, and leaving their Auras brittle and exhausted. It's a move of last resort, at least usually, and thus performed in conjunction with allies you can take advantage of the Domain's effects and aftermath.

Also, they're gonna be relatively simpler.

Ruby Rose: Red Like Roses

Red Like Roses takes the appearance of the winter clearing from the Red Trailer. Ruby can instantly de-materialize and re-materialize anywhere within, and the petals of Petal Burst would comprise her sure effect. Anything or anyone touch by her petals would be turned into a whirlwind of rose petals, spreading the effect until everything is rose petals or she releases the domain. Upon releasing the Domain, the whirlwind of rose petals would scatter in every direction.

But don't worry! This isn't fatal, as the petals would reform into their original forms in relatively short order, albeit discombobulated and possibly drained of Aura, with the one exception of this being Grimm.

Notes:

Her Semblance is definitely the epitome of scary, yet ultimately non-fatal. In fact, I can imagine her Domain being affected by her Silver Eyes, preventing her from actually developing a Lethal Domain. It can't destroy anything except for creatures of Destruction (The Grimm).

Weiss: Ice Sculpture Palace

Ice Sculpture Palace looks like the Foyer of Schnee Manor fused with a hall of mirrors, lined with statues of all her summons, with everything desaturated as if under the effects of time dilation. In fact, it may just be time dilation, as anyone caught in the Domain moves in slow motion, while Weiss and her army of summons move with enhanced speed.

Notes:

Weiss definitely has the most intricate Domain, as it's essentially inherited, though I think she might be able to change the setting.

Also, if anyone could manifest a Barrierless Domain a la Sukuna, it would be her.

Blake: Path To Isolation

Path to Isolation takes the appearance of a black void that subjects anyone caught in it to sensory deprivation and a falling sensation. additionally, when the Domain is released, the victims are hit with the sudden sensory overload, forcing their brains to reboot, given her a period of time to slip away. Additionally by shrinking her Domain and concentrating on a single target, she can make the effects more and more devastating, even possibly to the point of permanent injury or death.

Notes:

This Domain definitely would have been developed out of desperation during a dark period in her life.

With her healing journey, I can imagination her Domain changing, more and more, until it becomes something entirely different.

I'm gonna have to think about that more....

Yang: Full Burn

I described it earlier, but to restate and expand: Full Burn is a forest clearing, in fact, I would go as so far to say it's the same clearing on Patch that Red Like Roses is based off of, only in Summer instead of Winter. The sure hit effect affects any action she sees as aggressive towards her or her allies, igniting the kinetic energy and burning the aggressor, with the detonation's intensity corresponding to the intensity of the original act.

Now, I have pretty good ideas on JNR, Cinder, and Adam's DE abilities, and appearances for Cinder, Adam, and Ren, but I need to think up appearances for Jaune and Nora.

[twiggy-envoy]

Character Dossier Meme

[Art by @sweet-chimera] Full name: Oisin Darach Croabh (Aw-Sheen, Da-rah, Kroov)  

Known aliases: “Kroov”, “Twiggy” (Very Close), “Moonsprig” Titles: Amhlóirí Síochána (Irish: "Peace Singer")   Khaliswa (Zulu: "One Who Brings Calm")    Pax Arbor (Roman: "Tree of Peace") Ljósblomst (Norse: "The Flower of Light"

Age: 422

Gender: Male

Birth date: December 22

Heritage: Gaelic

Religion: Polytheist Druid

Sexual and Romantic orientation: Pansexual/Romantic

Status: Currently seeking information about the Yggdrasil tree species.

Residencies: Multiple groves/huts in Ireland / Rome / Greece / Egypt / Africa / Asgard

Highest level of education: Gaelic Druid Circle Fellowship under Eó Mugna, Egyptian Priesthood Lecture Attendance at Heliopolis, Tutorship under both Aspasia of Athens And The Weeping Mother. Occupation: Ambassador for the Gaelic territory/Pantheon of Éire, travelling scholar/healer.  

Physical examination

Facial features: Small eyebrows, large curious eyes though they’re mostly hidden beneath his bangs, he has very long silky hair that end in voluminous corkscrews,long expressively reactive ears, sturdy and smooth living wooden horns with small ash tree leaves year round and flower with tiny deep purple blossoms in the fall. Face-claim: Custom Character Art by HemildBz & Galactic Roses 

Voice: Mild and bright with an Irish accent that’s faded slightly with his travels. 

Voice claim: https://youtu.be/hMf4hFoBdCc?si=pFIMxOHlTRYM34l-

Eyes: Rounded ‘playful’ eye shape, very large and pale irises that many have referred to as “Moonlike” when they can be seen beneath his bangs. 

Hair: His hair is extremely long and large, the soft pastel grey matching his hidden eyes and the patches of fur along his otherwise cream colored body. It ends in corkscrew locks at almost every end besides his bangs.

Body type: Curvy for a male, perhaps due to his parents both being symbols of fertility in their respective cultures. He has a small waist and overall slender frame that pools downward into large hips and other more traditionally feminine proportions he takes pride in. Distinguishable Marks: Other than the mundane patterns of his fur they maintain a perfectly uniform visage due to worries that any kind of identifying markings he chooses to take could upset the Kingdoms he’s equally dedicated his loyalty to. Weight: 240ish 

Height: 5’8” Mental Evaluation

Mental illness: None that they would openly consider issues or be aware of. Though they do have minor anxiety and successfully (mostly) repressed imposter syndrome. Psychological profile: INFP

Positive traits: Generous, Open-Minded, Compassionate and motivated towards altruism. 

Negative traits: Suffers in bad conflict management when he can not appease the aggressors. Can not handle violence and will refuse to participate even if being passive could harm others. Refuses to attribute his own grand successes to anything besides luck and the help of those around him. Alignment type: Chaotic Good Meyer-Briggs Personality type: INFP

Phobias: Entomophobia/Etc  Having witnessed plagues of devouring locusts, parasitic insects cause untold hundreds of deaths with efficiency even Gods would envy, he is entirely petrified by any manner of locust or parasite be it leech, mosquito, wasp, locust or even certain mushrooms. Injury- Due to a curse of his blood relation to the Wild Hunt he fears having his blood spilled and angering the spirits and monsters into the ‘Midgard’ realm by accident. Above all else Oisin fears failing his mission of peace, seeing his home and sacred groves burnt to the ground. And living to see the collapse of the tense cultural network the pantheons have built with one another in his lifetime. 

Mannerisms: He will always only finish half of any meal he is given, served or forages. Leaving the other half as an offering for any company he keeps or any general spirits in the land he’s travelling. He will bleat during periods of heightened emotion, even more so inclined to do things like climb walls and structures around him when he’s excited. Seeds of -any- fruit he consumes will never be discarded carelessly; rather, he stores them in a small pouch on his person to spread along his travels throughout the land in an effort to reward the plants efforts. Will constantly pause for long lil instances during conversations as his mind tries to keep the various languages he’s learned in line during a talk, sometimes using improper or slang terms he’s picked up to bridge his sentences. Sometimes cus he doesnt know any better, and sometimes to play dumb and cute on purpose. (Think valley girl speak, but for ye olde english or ancient greek lol) Hobbies and Interests: Medicine brewing/gathering, practicing medicine via treating wounds, injuries and illnesses with magic, salves, natural remedies or new fangled roman ‘surgery’. Journaling the variety of plants and landmarks he encounters along his travels is his favorite pastime besides studying whatever materials he’s been allowed to borrow from his allied empires.  He dreams of one day publishing his own works to the libraries of Heliopolis and being able to brag to Diogenes about his comprehensive studies abroad while they slept in a barrel. He is -NOT- very good of a cook. Being part goat and also having minor photosynthesis means he can eat practically anything if and when he even does have an appetite for foods. Meaning he has -AWFUL- taste when cooking for himself. The blandest, plainest acorn powder gruel with a garnish of roadside weeds and perhaps a beetle for protein would be the height of campfire cooking for him when he’d much rather be reading. But he will -claim- he loves cooking and the culinary arts. Indulge him at your own risk. Strategic analysis

Combat style: Absolutely none. No really, he’s kind of useless in a fight by both choice and just fear/pacifism. He will -always- attempt to charm or flee his way out of a confrontation. Both for his own and everyone else’s safety. Weapon of choice: His mouth Hand to hand Combat efficiency: You mean like patty cake right? Rock, Parchment Shears? Tactical strength: Incredibly good at picking up on small tells about someone’s expressions, conditions and even outfit/accessories to make an informed guess based on his studies to try and figure out someone's social standing and perhaps issues and or needs so he can try to befriend and or charm them out of a fight or tense situation. 

Tactical weakness:  Severely unfamiliar with arcane magics due to his focus on the material world and nature magics/energies. This can make him an easy target for enemy spell casters that are discreet or relentlessly offensive. His body is also well.. Not primed for combat at all. Having gone their entire life afraid of getting a single cut, scrape or bruise. He has little pain tolerance or really much endurance at all should he actually be injured via physical combat. He’s also much too fearful to act in combat situations that sprung on him without warning. In some cases remaining passive to a point of danger to himself and others.

Signature technique: Overgrowth: Tapping into his dryad nature he can call upon the gifts of the Life Tree and cause himself to grow strong roots at his ankles and branches from his horns, allowing him to climb nearly any surface with his goat dexterity and escape almost any scenario. Even having used his horns as a makeshift leaf glider by guiding their bloom as he jumps off cliffs to evade a fight. Pain tolerance: Would die to a stepped on lego in all honesty. Defensive skills: -Great cardio and a decently high dex score is the best defense- Gazelle core babyyyy Relationships and affiliations

Family: Komos (Father/Satyr), Craebh Daithi (Mother/Dryad) 

Allies and associates: Mentors: Huilboerboon “The Weeping Mother” Aspasia “Orator of Athens” Neutral: Sleipnir Rivalries: Diogenes, Isaac (Jokingly as a fellow Goat) [Doodle by @sleepytime-muses]

Enemies: None

Romantic histories: Quite a few he’d rather keep private 

Notable friends:  N/A

Habits and lifestyle

Daily routine:  Usually out on the road, he’ll wake up from his hidden shelter snuff out his small fire after making himself a simple breakfast and immediately begin his travels again. Stopping to catalogue any interesting plant he runs into, harvest foragables of worth, commune with certain monsters and nature spirits, And helping common people with injuries, illnesses or simple farm work they might be in need of.

Diet and nutrition: Absolutely abysmal because he’ll eat dang near anything, but he doesn't eat all that much thanks to his horns being able to photosynthesize. Meaning he stays relatively healthy.

Exercise habits: Loots of cardio from escaping bad encounters with random monsters, spirits or gods that have bad intentions. Along with a lot of foraging and sparse farm work while helping common people on his journeys. He otherwise lives a very sedentary lifestyle glued to his books, scrolls and tablets.  

Grooming habits:  He goes out of his way to meticulously care for his hair and skin, knowing that his looks factor in for a large part of his charm that let him get away with a lot of things. 100 brushes, every morning and every night, then a nice protective spell to make sure his hair stays looking fluffy and untangled.

Substance use: He’ll eat a -lot- of plants and mushrooms trying to find out what they do if he can’t ask a dryad or nymph about it. So he’s gotten pretty messed up before. But mostly on very small dosages and amounts. He’s not much of a drinker so he’s an absolute lightweight despite his satyr heritage.

Sleep patterns: Rises with the sun every morning if at all possible. Its just part of his plant biology. Sleeping indoors really throws him out of wack and makes him sleep restlessly. 

Personal aesthetic: Druid-core, Japanese ‘Herbivore male’ culture. Loves doing and talking about cute things with very little concern for what’s traditionally male or female. 

Favorite book: A papyrus conversion of Greek Plays into scripts for the libraries of Heliopolis. 

Favorite music genre: Farm work shanties 

Favorite Art/Architecture: Their favorite art would be the beautiful amber jewelry pieces made by the ancient Slavic peoples far to the north. 

Meme stolen from @sweet-chimera

[bonefall]

does misty ever take any of blackstar’s lives? or possibly get the chance & decide not to?

I haven't mapped out how Blackstar loses each of his lives yet, but I do feel it would be interesting for them to match off several times.

When Blackstar begins the Bog Project, a previously unappealing patch of territory becomes valuable in the course of a few months. Frogs, fish, and birds quickly move in-- and Mistystar wants a piece of it.

They've got goods to fight over. But more than that, Mistystar remembers what he did to Stonefur. Blackstar is trying to turn himself and his Clan around, but Mistystar would be lying if she didn't tell you she trembles for revenge.

I think it might be meaningful for Blackstar to lose a life saving her, or one of her warriors somehow. Really show how far he's come. Maybe it could be Dusk or Pod, one of her grandchildren... but on Mistystar's end?

Misty agreed that Leopardstar had to go. That she needs to root out the Thistle Law supporters and crush their influence. But she's still a Traditionalist. RiverClan is an aggressor during the Battle of the False Eclipse, and their goal was to teach ThunderClan a lesson. If it came down to sparing Blackstar and not taking a life, she wouldn't refrain.

Maybe I'll have that happen... have Misty take a life from him in the BOTFE or some other time. Reedwhisker will feel complicated towards this, since in the same battle, he was the one who spoke up that tormenting Spiderfoot was malicious and codebreaking.

[hariki-maru]

affenpinscher!!🐾

the affenpinscher is a toy german dog breed of the pinscher type (group of dogs bred as ratters and guard dogs originally). theyre a confident, curious and playful breed that can be stubborn at times, but all in all theyre an affectionate and protective breed!

history

although the exact history about affens is unclear, the most widely accepted story of how affenpinschers came to be was that a man from lubeck, germany, began breeding ratting terriers during the 1600s. although the early form of the affenpinscher chased mice in stables, they soon were bred to a smaller size, with the larger size having gone extinct (╥_╥), and brought into homes during the plague to kill kitchen mice.…ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ

in the 17th and 18th century, a breed dubbed the schooshundrassen ("lapdog breed") became popular in germany which closely resembled modern affens! by the early 20th century, dogs from the same litter could be identified as either schnauzers or affenpinschers depending on their head shape. most mini schnauzer historians trace the origin of their breed back to these affen-schnauzer crossings.

a book on brussels griffons notes, "there has always existed a breed of small, rough coated dogs, as early as the 15th century or before, and they were used for ratters and believed to be the forerunners of the present day affen". its theorised that crosses between the miniature schnauzer, german pinscher and pug may be the mix of dogs that helped create the affen ▽･ﻌ･▽ﾉ”

appearance

affens generally weigh about 3-5 kg (7-10 lbs) with a height of about 23-30 cm (9-11.5 in) with a life expectancy of 12 - 15 years! it has a wiry, harsh and rough coat which can be short and/or medium in length. its coat is shaggier over the head and shoulders, forming a mane (🦁), with a shorter coat over the back and hind quarters, often described as neat but shaggy :3

following the breed standard, they can come in colours such as black, black and tan, black and silver, red and beige (a mixture of red, brown, black and white hairs)!! black masks are acceptable and (when registered to a kennel) white patches arent penalised but are undesirable υ´• ﻌ •`υ

temperament

affenpinschers are active, adventurous, curious, and stubborn, but they are also fun-loving and playful!! theyre affectionate and protective towards their family <3 it shows little fear to aggressors, possessing a "big dog, small body" mentality, so owners are told to be cautious of their pup provoking a larger dog ,:< they adjust easily to changes which makes them a model dog to travel with U ´ᴥ` U

grooming affens should be groomed twice a week, if theres any mats they should be pulled apart gently using fingers. fur on the head is usually brushed to the front and cut in a v shape to expose the eyes while the hair on the bridge of the nose is trimmed into a fan shape to keep the eyes clear ໒(＾ᴥ＾)७ the affens coat doesnt grow quickly so trimming an affens fur every few months should suffice

health

responsible breeders will screen their affens for conditions such as luxating patella (kneecap dislocation) and hip dysplasia (abnormal formation of hip socket). theyve also been known to have eye issues and legg-calve-perthes (the ball at the top of the femur loses its blood supply and breaks down inside the hip joint)

affenpinschers, like other short-faced dogs, have difficulty breathing during hot weather if allowed to overheat ╥﹏╥ they may also have dental problems, and other health concerns due to the shortened nasal passages and compressed airways common in brachycephalic breeds. (i actually dont really like short faced dogs dogs due to the health conditions that follow this characteristic but its a 'breed standard' so ㄒoㄒ)

exercise although the affenpinscher is a part of the toy breed which makes them ideal apartment dogs, they are classified as moderately active dogs so they do need exercise!! indoor play, either with their owner or with a toy, is enough to make up a large chunk of an affens exercise. a brisk walk once or twice a day is required and also allows them to socialise with other people and dogs!

training for many years affens were mistakenly believed "too stubborn to train" but the truth is they are very intelligent little dogs, easily bored with repetitive or forced training, and prefer to think independently. while yes, they can be stubborn, they are generally eager to please <3 basic obedience training is recommended, with the affen having to understanding he isnt the leader of the pack. affens get bored easily so long training sessions arent recommended so shorter, more frequent sessions with a trainer who has experience working with toy breeds are usually successful.

fun fact to end off this post: the word affe from affenpinscher comes from the german word ape, referring to the monkey-like face of the doggy!! >w<

sources:

🐾