#Airplane doesnt know where Cucumber lives

[cavesalamander]

Scum Villain fic where Shen Yuan wakes up out of a coma and realizes that he just had a very, very vibrant dream about his boy and that web novel he hatereads.

When he gets back home after observation it's so... surreal. He feels so much older now. He's practically lived a lifetime in that dream, even if only a few months have passed.

His room is so... cringe is the word he wants to use, but he can't help but find his past self endearing about it all. Except that line of thought makes... no sense at all. His past self is just him from a couple months ago.

He decides to check up on the story he'd been dreaming about and finds out that, though there were a dozen more chapters, they had stopped updating completely without warning just a few weeks after his own coma.

(The comments after his coma, a few mention him, calling him out or cheering for him finally giving up on the story. Some people even speculate he might have died.)

His old comments were so embarrassing to read, but there's a part of him that... sees his love for Luo Binghe even in these.

Wait, why is he suddenly okay being gay for this protag??

He thinks he probably shouldn't be quite so chill about it.

He wonders what happened to Airplane. He stops himself from thinking too hard on the possibility it could all have been real. That was ridiculous!!

Meanwhile in the world of the system....

Luo Binghe is flipping OUT. His husband his shizun his beloved just up and went POOF. No trace of him, no clue left behind.

(Or is it worse if he dies? The original goods died that night he qi deviated and was replaced by Shen Yuan, so there's no soul there to replace him. Luo Binghe has had to deal with dead Shizun before but this time it's... different.)

Either way, after a whole lot of everyone flipping out, Shang Qinghua seems to know a little too much about... something.

The truth comes out. Luo Binghe admits he's suspected something like that for a while now, but thats not important. He needs his shizun back, so how..?

Cue dimension hopping shenanigans.

[themolluscasometimes]

so a while ago i saw this post

where airplane replies to a comment from cucumber with 'lbg isnt gonna fuck you, dude' and that shit bounced around in my head for good long while and personally i think the canonically existing PIDW green jj meimeis wouldnt take a comment like that lying down:

so anyway now i have an au living rent fucking free in my brain where this goes viral overnight and everyones drawing memes and ship content of luo bingge and a sentient cucumber, until shen yuan's canonically bl-enjoying sister gets involved with a semi-private group of PIDW green jj meimeis and is like no you dont understand he really is gay. he just doesnt know hes gay. but hes definitely gay and he has like no friends and no self awareness. so they double down and with vague descriptions of what cucumber-bro looks like, they start making not only memes but obscure and highly specific fanmerch of new rarepair bingcumber

this may or may not devolve into a potentially criminal series of actions in which shen yuans sister collaborates with random online danmei-enjoying PIDW readers to get her brother a boyfriend, ideally one as similar as possible to luo binghe. who better than the man who understands binghe most in the world? who better than the man who is clearly self inserting when writing binghe? who better than the man somehow managing to give an E-rated harem stallion novel gayass vibes? who better than the man who MADE cucumber-bro's perfect match?

so now its eventual endgame cumplane feat. viral bingcumber memes and stalking by third party stakeholders

[mymoshangthoughts]

cumplane thoughts: (lots of nsfw LOL)

airplane in shen yuan's lap, cockwarming for him while he writes and shen yuan looks over his shoulder, sharply criticizing his writing

shen yuan using his advanced knowledge of pidw to wifeplot the fuck out of airplane (its not his fault that airplane doesnt remember that flower is an aphrodisiac or this cave is the "ohno now we have to get married!" cave. really, it was irresponsible of airplane to forget such things and this was the forgone conclusion of that hack author being so forgetful)

cucumber and airplane being enemies online, but crushing on each other irl without knowing about the online handles (classmates? workmates? that cute guy i see on the train?)

shen twins au where shen yuan notices that disciple shang is kinda sus and investigates (thinking that its bc of the mobei jun thing and now that he's grown up in this world he's sort of invested in NOT having demons attack his sect-mates), but the more he gets to know the skittish disciple, the more he's sorta catching feelings and this is a problem! bc shang qinghua is gonna be a traitor! ....but is he really? sure, qinghua is a lil asshole, but he's not really the bloodthirsty type? maybe with some proper guidance from his shixiong he'll turn out better? no, jiu-ge, i am not being naive and no i dont think my dick cures evil, its not like that! it's just that--why are you calling him my boyfriend?! I SAID IT'S NOT LIKE THAT, JIU-GE!

cumplane frenemies since their school days and current roommates. shen "i'm not gay so the sex isnt gay" yuan and shang "you're not fooling anyone but sure" qinghua. they're just 'friends' according to shen yuan. it's 'no homo sex' apparently. shang qinghua is fine with this, he is, his stupid boyfriend might have the most internalized homophobia in the world but like... they live together and shen yuan is mostly nice to him and they've been together for years and this is something real, right? except shen yuan's mom starts pressuring him to "finally settle down and marry a nice girl" so shen yuan is talking about it and the sinking realization finally hits shang qinghua that shen yuan never really considered their relationship to be a real thing. thats... fine... this is fine... he'll be fine. he is not fine. nope. not one bit. and he is not gonna be the bigger man about this. fuck. no. he is absolutely going to fucking destroy that stupid piece of shit EX boyfriend who never deserved him!! he is going to avenge himself and ruin shen yuan's life and he is going to be super shitty about it! but first, he's going to run away from home and cry with a tub of ice-cream bc wow that is the most painful breakup he's ever had haha. except after shang qinghua disappears and leaves behind a "fuck you, i want a divorce" note, shen yuan looks for him and asks friends and gets dressed down for being an idiot and also realizes oh fuck he actually totally was in love with his not-boyfriend and now he has to win back a very vengeful and very bitter shang qinghua, who also knows all of his weaknesses and darkest secrets

cumplane sex where cucumber is struggling to comprehend just how fucking shameless airplane is. that man can ride his dick while moaning pathetically and then still look cucumber in the face and smile while asking for round five and cucumber knew that airplane wrote porn, cucumber READ that porn, but nothing quite prepared him for just how horny and sexually expressive airplane is. SHEN YUAN'S THIN FACE WAS NOT READY FOR THIS SHIT

shang twins au: the shang twins have been pretending to be one person, for vaguely evil reasons, and shen yuan notices solely bc he Is A Very Observant and Smart Person and it's not at all because he's memorized the pattern of airplane's freckles or anything gay like that, nope, that's not it at all!

cucumber starts talking to one of airplanes various troll alts that he uses to stir up drama and airplane replies, fully intending to further agitate one of his loudest anti-fans except.... they just kinda... keep talking? and airplane is really enjoying himself? and they're taking it to the dms and now they're kinda friends and shit, it's bad if cucumber finds out he's airplane, right? the entire basis of their friendship is a lie then. which is totally fine, haha, this friendship prolly won't last long. except it totally does and now theres like irl meetings and cucumber is Fucking Handsome and that isn't fair AT ALL bc now airplane has a crush on his (best??)friend and ohwow, cucumber can srsly NEVER learn abt his identity as the author. cucumber is a super bitter and grudge holding person but also he HATES the author and airplane rreeeallly likes having someone who kinda likes him in his life aND OHFUCK IS THAT CUCUMBER LOOKING AT HIS PHONE!?

shen yuan making airplane endure Every Single sex position that he wrote those poor wives in the harem having to endure. partially to make a point of "that CANT be possible", partially bc he's still annoyed at the hack writing, and partially bc it's rrreeeeeaallly nice to see airplane fucked out of his mind like that

airplane accidentally wife-plots himself and cucumber is a good bro about it and fucks away the fuck-or-die pollen. except now he's accidentally gotten airplane addicted to his dick??? bc now airplane is seeking him out constantly. was there something else in that fuck-or-die pollen? bc airplane is acting weird. was there some freaky love potion or something? ahh, it's really hard to think of the answer when he wakes up to the peak lord of an ding sucking his dick

airplane accidentally gets transformed into a magical beast and before he can find his way back to humanity, he gets beaten up and hauled off by liu qingge to be presented as a gift to shen yuan. which oki, fine, maybe he can communicate to his bro. but shen yuan is really nice to him when he's in this form (like a hamster monster) and wow, he never knew how much he really liked shen yuan being nice to him??? maybe he should just let it be for a bit longer??

shen yuan, recently trasnmigrated into the body of an ice demon, does not know what to do about the sobbing an ding disciple clinging to his thigh and begging for his life (bc i refuse to kill off mobei jun, this is a body swap au and now mobei jun has to live in modern day china as shen yuan LOL)

cucumber decides that he likes airplane best when he's too fucked out of his mind to keep talking shit. also, on a related note, airplane decides he likes when cucumber talks shit when they're in bed the most. does he have a degradation kink? he might have a degradation kink.

sugar baby airplane and his very grumpy sugar daddy shen yuan. yes, airplane is spoiled rotten, but he also has a strict writing schedule and his harshest critic tormenting him in bed. but ohwell, shen yuan also nags him to eat properly and makes sure that he does and the kitchen is always stocked and sometimes shen yuan just pulls him into a hug and rests his chin against airplane's head and yeah, he can live with sometimes getting fucked while cucumber growls in his ear "that was a shit chapter, you completely forgot the continuity from chapter 24 and now you created a big stupid plothole with the most interesting monster you made--". its a good life

airplane first meets shen yuan as a coworker. he's a rich trust-fund baby type who has impeccable fashion and a poser attitude. clearly a thin face and probably boring as fuck. airplane meets shen yuan for the second time at a convention while signing autographs, dressed in binghe-merch and clearly Way Too Invested. and airplane immediately thinks the gap moe is AMAZING. he's gonna have so much fucking fun with this. especially since airplane was wearing cosplay and his coworker didn't recognize him >:D

[deeeelightfuldee]

surveys 046.

When was the last time you ate out for lunch? uhhhh maybe last week

Is your dream job attainable? oof.

Have you ever been to an auto show? i’ve been to several. used to go to a bunch when I was in HS cus all my friends were mainly guys and they were really into dragging me along to stuff like that

Have you ever wondered how flies get away from being swatted so quickly? nope. never wondered that.

Have you read a newspaper today? no, but a few days ago

What was the last thing you cooked for dinner? made some homemade wings. they were SO good

Do you live in the city/town you were born in? neighboring town

Can you remember the last song you listened to? better than me by hinder. the lyrics areeeeeee on point.. “The bed I'm lying in is getting colder Wish I never would've said it's over And I can't pretend I won't think about you when I'm older 'Cause we never really had our closure This can't be the end I really miss your hair in my face And the way your innocence tastes And I think you should know this You deserve much better than me“

Do you know anyone who still doesn't have a smartphone? gram. probably me, shortly.

Have you ever been on a cruise? No but I’d love to.

What is your favourite kind of fruit juice? apple

Have you worn a necklace today? yup.

Have you ever had an x-ray? many many many times.

Do your parents smoke cigarettes? mom did when she was a teen. Dad did for YEARS. I don’t know if he does or doesnt anymore.

What is your favourite Thanksgiving food? omfg everything. thanksgiving food is SO GOOD.

Did you leave the house today? If so, where did you go? Not yet no

When you cook, do you clean as you go or clean it all up at the end? as I go, unless the complexity of the recipe calls for closer attention.

What letter does your surname begin with? S

What is one food you couldn't live without? potatoes.

Do you know how to whistle? yep.

Have you eaten cake today? No. gluten free cake sucks. MAN i miss cake. 

Have you ever tried Turkish coffee? No.

When was the last time you were at a church and why? before covid I was at my church. Might be goin tomorrow.

Do you know anyone who was born overseas? Yes.

Have you put something in the trunk of your car this week? helllllllll no. short story time. I notoriously like a clean, empty trunk. mom stuffs her trunk with donations n crap and that drives me nuts. well she went to pick up groceries with my car one day, and she had stuck some donations in the trunk as well ( -.- ) but I was unaware of that. So we drive around for 2-3 weeks minding our own business (i was not leaving the house ever because I was too sad) so one day we get in the car to go somewhere and we are assaulted by this HORRIBLE scent. turns out that a gallon of milk rolled behind her donations in the trunk and had been cooking in the 100 degree weather in the trunk. we have literally washed, scrubbed, sprayed, deodorized, and done everything. It’s still there. So now we have to set aside money to get the car detailed because we can’t use the trunk. 

What was the last hot thing you ate for breakfast? Oatmeal.

Who does most of the chores in your house? Me

Did you have a New Years kiss this year? Nope

Do you prefer to eat carrots raw or cooked? cooked

What was the last type of cheese you ate? uhhh, I really don’t know. it’s been a hot minute.

What was the first video game you remember playing? bond

Do you have a newspaper or magazine subscription? i want magazines, but no. we do get newspapers for gram

What is your favourite flavour of Skittles? none. I do not like skittles.

What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up today? I wonder what kile is doing.

Do you get a lot of snow where you live? yup. I love it.

Have you ever met a famous political figure? I mean, like a mayor sure. but a major figure, no

Have you ever lost important information from a computer or laptop? Yepppppppp. 

Do you have to go to school or work tomorrow? No

Have you consumed dairy today? no, not yet.

How do you feel about flying on airplanes? cool as a cucumber.

What's your favourite sandwich filling? omfg all of them. I WANT ONE SO BAD>

Have you slept for longer than usual today? No.

Is anybody else in the room you're in? just cha-cha.

Have you ever been to a drive-in theatre? yea! many times! we do that frequently in FL

Have you ever smoked a cigarette? Nope. I’ve seen what it does to my family so for that reason, i’m not into it. but mannnnnn. the smell of the first few puffs is SO intoxicating to me. plus, I’m envious of the stress relief that comes from it. 

Do you know if you're left-brained or right-brained? I have a mix. On the left side, I’m logical, fact-oriented, planned, orderly. yet on the right side I am artsy, creative, imaginative, reads fiction.

If you have a Facebook account, how many friends do you have on it? no idea. i dont use it.

Have you consumed alcohol today? If so, what? No. I am looking forward to some of my drink, but I dk if i’ll have any today.

Who was the main cook of your Thanksgiving meal last year? split evenly between mom and I

Have you ever donated unwanted clothing? all the time.

What is your favourite kind of pie? i like many kinds, but right now I could go for some pumpkin

Do you remember how old you were when you learned to tie your shoelaces? like 4ish

Who taught you how to ride a bike? myself. I had a traumatic start from my siblings and it resulted in a shattered kneecap (which is still shattered) 

Who is the third contact in your phone? that sounds like more work than I am willing to go thru

Do you have a passport? If so, how many stamps do you have in it? Nope. I think I’m going to get one tho

What is your favourite chocolate bar? right now kitkat.

Have you ever been dumped really harshly? uhh, eh

Have you ever taken classes for a musical instrument? Yeah. i hated it.

Do you have your license? If so, what car do you drive? yes. lexus.

Have you ever been on vacation with someone other than your family? yup. em, nathan, alix, josh, justin, and myself.

[thispatternismine]

#post coma shen yuan confused and disoriented and a lot gayer than he realized #trying so hard to write it all off as some vivid dream #even when SQH and LBH (and Mobei Jun) make it to his dimension #Airplane doesnt know where Cucumber lives #just that hes his biggest hater #que a chapter of airplane in bis shitty ass apartment flanked by two oh his hottest ocs while he tries to update his novel #trying to get cucumbers attention #maybe he gives luo binghe a husband for his harem jsut to bait out some comments

Scum Villain fic where Shen Yuan wakes up out of a coma and realizes that he just had a very, very vibrant dream about his boy and that web novel he hatereads.

When he gets back home after observation it's so... surreal. He feels so much older now. He's practically lived a lifetime in that dream, even if only a few months have passed.

His room is so... cringe is the word he wants to use, but he can't help but find his past self endearing about it all. Except that line of thought makes... no sense at all. His past self is just him from a couple months ago.

He decides to check up on the story he'd been dreaming about and finds out that, though there were a dozen more chapters, they had stopped updating completely without warning just a few weeks after his own coma.

(The comments after his coma, a few mention him, calling him out or cheering for him finally giving up on the story. Some people even speculate he might have died.)

His old comments were so embarrassing to read, but there's a part of him that... sees his love for Luo Binghe even in these.

Wait, why is he suddenly okay being gay for this protag??

He thinks he probably shouldn't be quite so chill about it.

He wonders what happened to Airplane. He stops himself from thinking too hard on the possibility it could all have been real. That was ridiculous!!

Meanwhile in the world of the system....

Luo Binghe is flipping OUT. His husband his shizun his beloved just up and went POOF. No trace of him, no clue left behind.

(Or is it worse if he dies? The original goods died that night he qi deviated and was replaced by Shen Yuan, so there's no soul there to replace him. Luo Binghe has had to deal with dead Shizun before but this time it's... different.)

Either way, after a whole lot of everyone flipping Shang Qinghua seems to know a little too much about... something.

The truth comes out. Luo Binghe admits he's suspected something like that for a while now, but thats not important. He needs his shizun back, so how..?

Que dimension hopping shenanigans.