#Baal Teshuva

[hindahoney]

I get a lot of questions about keeping kosher, and I've answered many questions about how to start, tips & tricks, etc, but I've never really discussed shabbat observance. So, if you're someone who is looking to introduce some more observances into your life and keeping some form of shabbat interests you, here's some advice from my own experiences of being a baal teshuva. If anyone wants to add things, feel free.

Obligatory I'm not a rabbi, this is just my experience and things I've picked up from trying to be more observant, and I highly advise speaking to a Rabbi before starting.

First, keeping Shabbat should ideally be a pleasant and relieving experience, not a chore or a burden. Shabbat is truly a gift, and I wish for every Jew that they are able to experience even a little bit of her beauty and serenity in their lives. Shabbat is a wonderful opportunity to elevate a day of the week, and spend it doing things you otherwise would feel you have little to no time for during the other busy days. It is a reminder of what's important: enjoying our lives where they are, being thankful for what we have, and spending it with those that we love. It's an opportunity to be reminded that we don't just exist to work, we are human beings who are here for a short time, and we deserve one day of peace and rest.

That being said, do not attempt every law all at once. You will inevitably get frustrated and quit. Many people who keep shabbat have done it their entire lives, so it's like second nature to them. Don't compare yourself to their level of observance if you're just starting out. I think you should also educate yourself on each of the laws of Shabbat, where they come from and why we observe them.

Start small by eliminating things one by one and lighting candles with the prayer. If you don't have it memorized, there is no shame in writing it down to have it in front of you (If you have a friend who is also interested in increasing their observance, you could go through these things together, or just invite people over for a meal!) You could start the first week by not checking emails, the next by not checking social media or texts, and slowly work your way up to not using your phone. Be sure to inform your friends, family, and if possible your work, that you will be unavailable for this day. Ditching a social media addiction is hard, it's hard to wean yourself off of constantly scrolling looking for a distraction, but it's also freeing to be able to take control again and set boundaries for yourself of when you'll be available to people and when you won't.

In addition to eliminating things, you should add activities that make you feel relaxed and happy. Focusing on your hobby or starting a new one, reading a book or the weekly parsha. Learn some shabbat songs or prayers. While I'm baking challah and preparing for the meal, I like to set the mood by having a playlist on the TV of shabbat songs. I also like to write in a journal before shabbat setting an intention for what I want to accomplish or get out of this week's observance, and once Shabbat is over I will write about what I managed to do, what I didn't manage to do, and ideas for how to make it better in the future.

Also, put tape on your light switches once you feel ready to not use electricity!! It is such a mindless thing that we do, you will turn them on and off unintentionally. Don't forget to do this on the inside of your fridge as well. It may be wise to invest in a shabbat lamp or shabbat counter-top food warmer, or timers for your light switches to avoid some problems in the future. Also, pre-tear toilet paper and paper towels or get a box of tissues, and prepare some food for the next day that doesn't need to be re-heated. It also isn't a bad idea to put a playlist on of shows or youtube videos you've been meaning to watch and keeping it running from before Shabbat, if you want that before you can eliminate it altogether.

I also advise doing something this day of the week that you don't do any other day of the week, to make it feel more special. It could be something small, like using a different tablecloth or your "special" cutlery/dishes, or giving tzedakah. Just something to make it unique from the other days.

Finally, I want to reiterate that you need to be patient with yourself. You will mess things up. You cannot "fail" at Shabbat. If you mess up, don't say "Well, I already did something wrong, I might as well not finish this week's and I'll just do it again next week." Stick with it, even if you mess up. Again, if anyone has tips for others looking to be more observant, feel free to leave them here!

[labelma]

A fun fact about me is that I can trace my family lineage (on my mother’s side) back to Rashi, and according to rabbinic tradition, Rashi could trace his lineage to King David. While this means I’m ineligible for the kingship of Israel (on account of being a descendant through my mother), I do however believe it gives me license to continue naming the gay fanfiction I write after King David’s poetry.

And you know what? I think Great Grandpa King David (was famously in love with his childhood best friend Jonathan) would be proud of me 🫡

[milksockets]

christo + jeanne-claude - jacob baal-teshuva (2001)

[zionistgirlie]

Your daily reminder that you technically can be a Jew and engage in whatever sinful behaviours. The question of "Can you be a Jew and be/do X?" Is irrelevant. The question is "Should you be a Jew and be/do X?"

Our Torah and our Jewish law detail pretty extensively what you can be and do, and what you shouldn't. As Jews, we should aspire to follow what Hashem wants from us. Not what makes us comfortable, not what we've grown too accustomed to to change. Judaism doesn't always fit perfectly with your life and values, particularly if you're a Baal teshuva or a convert. Again, we didn't come to the world to do what we want. We came here with a very specific manual.

Being a Jew means being signed on a contract, a a covenant. It means being there at Har Sinai and saying "We'll do and we'll hear." I don't recall us adding an Astrix: *but only when it's convenient.

This is particularly true with converts. You didn't have to convert. Judaism doesn't seek to convert people, we don't believe that only Jews will be redeemed, or that non Jews will burn in hell. You don't have to be a Jew, and that's okay. And when you already are a Jew, because you made this difficult, admirable step, and chose to leave your old culture and religion behind, some of it means agreeing to take on the Jewish culture and way of living. For entirety.

Some of us are still here for the covenant. All if it. Even when it's hard.

Especially when it's hard.

[intheshadows-tks]

In The Shadows by The Kosher Serial Chapter One: Dassi

The cool air of the early morning snaked its way through the trees, tugging at the dark green scarf that my mother always made me wear. It wasn't my favorite color, but I was appreciative nonetheless as I pulled it tighter around my neck and kept moving, careful where I placed my feet. The forest floor was thick with leaves, damp from the previous day's rain, and one careless step could send me sliding downhill.

I loved early morning foraging, watching the sun's rays light up the woods as the golden orb rose higher in the sky. I always felt such a sense of peace as I hummed my morning tefillos. Out here, I was alone with my thoughts.

Or at least, I was supposed to be.

I shifted the weight of my satchel on my shoulder, adjusting the bundles of herbs I had collected for Ima. She had been worried about Simi’s cough, and while there wasn’t much we could do without real medicine, these would help. They had to.

A branch snapped somewhere behind me.

I froze and held my breath.

Slowly, I turned my head, my pulse hammering. I scanned the trees, searching for movement. A squirrel, maybe? A deer? But the forest felt too still now, as if holding its breath along with me.

After a moment, I heard a bird call from the same direction and slowly the sounds of the morning woods returned. My eyes scanned the area methodically, searching, waiting... But nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I slowly let out a long breath as my heart returned to its normal rhythm.

It wasn't easy living on constantly high alert, but we'd had to live like this for the past two years, since the day reality shattered.

I kept my eyes and ears peeled as I made my way slowly through the trees again, the memories of that day flooding my mind.

Our president had always poked fun at China, but with so many other conflicts across the globe, nobody really paid as much attention as they should have to the military actions in East Asia. The focus was always on North Korea, Venezuela, and Israel, while China was building up its army, preparing to invade.

For years, the vaad harabonim had been calling for us to all make aliyah before it was too late. They warned of impending doom. But we didn't listen. We always had reasons to stay—justifications, excuses.

But none of those mattered the day the world turned red. Now it felt too late for regrets.

In the beginning, it was impossible to know who had done what. The invasion came so fast, so unexpectedly. It was our version of a mabul—one moment things were normal, and the next the skies were blanketed with whizzing, whirring drones. Millions of them with blinking red lights. The media blamed it on the FAA or some practical joke, blinding themselves and the rest of us to the more sinister truth, as the world was plunged into chaos.

Suddenly the military was everywhere. Then came the EMPs, dropped over highly populated areas, shutting down power grids and sending us back in time to a pre-technology age. With no internet and phone lines, life as we knew it came to a screeching halt.

Hospitals had been the first point of major crisis, Abba told us. Planes dropped out of the sky, setting forests and cities ablaze. With all lines of communication cut, it was impossible to know who was alive and who was gone. The damage was extensive.

In the blink of an eye, the United States was gone, replaced by the terrifying United Republic of China. And we were left in the dark, literally, and figuratively.

The new government eventually reestablished electricity for the sole purposes of surveillance and control. And then, the indoctrination began. No one was safe.

We were some of the lucky ones, in a sense, because we had already taken steps to live off the grid in the middle of the Pennsylvania woods. It wasn't my parents ultimate dream, but it was pretty close.

My mother was a giyores and my father was a baal teshuva. They had met on a moshav in Eretz Yisrael when they were in their early twenties, both getting their feet wet with yiddishkeit. They came from such different cultural backgrounds but bonded over their dream of owning a farm in Israel.

That dream had to take a back seat for a while, since my grandparents told my father that they would only support his Torah family if he went to medical school. So my father became a doctor to appease his parents, and after a dealing with crazy hospital hours for too many years, he and my mother decided to take a stab at building their dream, even if it wasn't in Eretz Yisrael yet.

It was a really big and tough decision to move without a community to the middle of nowhere, but we ended up being pioneers, as the wooded acres around our home soon filled out with other frum families who were inspired by our adventure, who wanted to get away from the big city living and live off the land.

It was amazing that what started off as just our family of five grew into a whole community of about 20 families. The Feigenbaums even told us before they moved in that they had considered a few other communities just like ours. We didn't even know there were others like us. Our closest neighbors were all a few minutes away, since each family had large plots of land to grow on, but we established a mikvah and a shul, set up eruvim, and grew into one large, beautiful family.

And that's how we were living the day the sky fell.

Just remembering the sound of those helicopters and drones sent a shiver through me, and I tucked my scarf into the collar of my hoodie to stave off the chill. I moved a few more feet into the woods before I paused again. Straining my ears, my stomach sank as I realized that sound wasn't just in my head. The soft, mechanical whir as they whizzed across the treetops was unmistakable; I was actually hearing those drones again.

It had been over two years since the Reds had done a sweep of our area. I remember back when I was little and we still had computers, how Ima and Abba showed us on google maps where we would be moving. It was a sea of green with a small blue lake in the middle. At the time I thought we'd be living inside of a tree like Winnie The Pooh. A real hundred acre woods. We thought we were safe, but the world had shifted. And in this new uncertain reality, there was always reason to be alert.

"Get low and do not move," Ima's voice echoed through my head as I slowly slunk against a tree and laid myself flat on the soft green moss, praying I wouldn't be noticed. Ima and Abba prepared us for this. They trained us to be vigilant and act cautiously but quickly on instinct. We'd practiced this so many times, but never with real helicopters overhead.

The tree coverage was pretty thick, but we didn't know how much their technology could see. We'd heard from various people on the run that the new military used thermal cameras, but we had no idea how deep they could penetrate the canopy. I reminded myself that if Hashem could open Hagar's eyes to see a well of water in front of her, He could also close the eyes of these militants and let them pass right by me. I just had to do my hishtadlus and lay low.

Laying flat on the forest floor, staring upwards, I heard the high pitched whirr of tiny drones shoot past overhead. And then the evergreens above me started to sway wildly in the artificial wind of the rotors as the helicopter made its way toward me over the treetops.

Thankful for the first time that my scarf helped me blend into my surroundings, I closed my eyes tightly and slowly pulled it over my face to protect me from any falling leaves or twigs. I started reciting tehillem under my breath, my heart pounding in my chest as the helicopter approached, and soon it was hovering right above me. My heartbeat pounded in my ears. I could feel the vibrations in the ground, as the helicopter skimmed the tops of the trees.

It was only as the helicopter passed overhead that I realized it wasn't alone. The wind whipped up around me like a hurricane. I had never felt anything like that before in my life. I fought back the urge to panic, reminding myself how Abba always said that panicking raises your body temperature. I practiced slow breathing as the trees shook harder, and two more massive helicopters passed overhead.

But just as quickly as they came, they were gone. I lay there, my heart pounding, still. Slowly breathing in the scent of wet moss and leaves, I waited to see if it was over. If there was one helicopter, it was probably just a transport. Three usually meant a sweep, looking for people hiding in the woods. People like us. Five or more helicopters meant a military action. I waited with bated breath, but in just a few moments, the vibrations from the big machines ceased and the sounds of nature resumed.

"Thank you, Hashem," I breathed out, softly, before slowly getting to my feet. Since they hadn't stopped and hovered over me, it was safe to assume I hadn't been spotted. I wondered who they were looking for. Were there people on the run out in the woods with me at that very moment? I looked around nervously, but didn't notice anything or anyone out of place.

With my family still asleep at home, it seemed that the danger had passed for now, and I still had to collect marshmallow root from the west side of the lake. It was a farther walk than I usually had to make, because the lake was huge and hiking to my marshmallow spot from our house on the east side took about an hour. It was often easier to take one of the row boats for my marshmallow runs, but I had so many other herbs to collect that morning as well, that I opted for the walk instead. And now that I knew there were helicopters in the area, I was so glad I had nixed the boat. I would have been a sitting duck out on the water.

Staying about 20ft from the water's edge to remain under the cover of the trees, I skirted the lake, heading for the spot I knew I could find the marshmallow root. I was just about to hop over a small ravine when a loud pop echoed across the lake, causing me to flinch and duck. In that instant, I stepped down wrong, and my foot slipped out from under me. I slid rapidly down into the ravine, slamming my knee into a knobby tree root. My breath caught in my throat and I winced, but refrained from crying out.

What the heck had scared me? I barely had a second to compose myself when another sharp pop echoed across the lake, then another. My heart stopped. I realized in horror, the sounds were coming from the direction of my house. Gunfire? Or something worse?

My mind was reeling, trying to make sense of what was going on. I’d become one with these woods over the last decade—I knew them like the back of my hand—but I had never heard anything like this. It wasn't an animal noise and it wasn't a tree cracking. That was definitely a man-made mechanical pop.

A chill ran down my spine as the pieces clicked into place. The helicopters… they hadn’t just passed by. They had stopped. Because they’d found us.

"Oh my God."

I stood up, leaning against a tree to test my ankle. It ached, but I was able to put my full weight on it. I lifted the hem of my skirt to check my knee and it didn't look like anything had punctured my leggings. I was covered in mud, but otherwise ok. I paused for a moment, all my training gone. What was I supposed to do?

Ima and Abba had always drilled into us: if the Reds came, we were to hide immediately. We ran drills every few months to refresh our instincts. We'd even prepared several secret spots throughout the forest, places we could vanish without a trace, just for an occasion like this one and I was maybe 50 paces from one where I stood. But all of that training went right out the window when reality struck, because hiding wasn't an option. I needed to know if my family was alright.

My breath caught in my throat as a new noise made its way across the water. Was that a scream I just heard? Or was my mind playing tricks on me?

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe they hadn't found us. Maybe the helicopters weren't there and I was just being paranoid.

Hoping it was the latter, I ran to the edge of the woods, my twisted satchel thumping against my back with every step. I stopped before I hit the bank of the water, keeping myself hidden in the trees. But I could see straight across the lake. My house may have been masked by the tree line, but the three large red helicopters were clear as day.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" I didn't even think, I just ran. My feet slipped across the wet earth as I tore my way back through the forest. I hit the ground a few times, my side was aching, but I didn't even feel the bruises, I couldn't let that stop me. I needed to get home, I needed to get to my family.

Terrible thoughts tried to break through my concentration but I wouldn't let them, couldn't let them. Why had I taken my merry time this morning? I should have gotten the marshmallow root first and picked the other herbs on the way back. I should have been home already. I should have been there.

"Please be ok... Please be ok... Please be ok...." I repeated to myself as I ran. "Hashem yerachem, please be ok...."

It had taken me nearly an hour to make it to the other side of the lake. But I was back home in 15 minutes.

Panic surged as I burst through the trees to find... nothing. The helicopters were gone.

I bolted across the clearing as fast as I could, not caring who saw see me. Then, ducking back under the cover of trees, I burst into my house, screaming, "IMA!? ABBA!?" But the house was silent.

I rushed from room to room looking for someone, anyone, to still be there. But the house was empty. It didn't even look like there'd been a struggle. Ima's sewing waiting for her on her armchair. Yochi and Abba's tefillin sitting on the table waiting for them to head to shul. Everything was exactly the way I left it, except no one was there.

Frantically running out through the back door and into the garden, I shrieked their names as loudly as I could. I didn't care who could hear me, I just wanted someone to respond.

Nothing.

My throat was dry as I ran back towards the clearing, calling their names.

"IMA!! ABBA!! YOCHI!! SIMI!! MALKA!!"

But I was still met with silence.

I stopped where imprints from the three helicopters were visible in the damp grass, tears streaming down my face. I dropped to my knees and wept.

[kosher-salt]

It has felt more right than not recently to be shomer negiah. Are there people that are shomer but only like. With other Jews? That's not what I'm trying to do but it's how it's been working out to the point where I'm not sure why I even try around non-Jewish folk. Idk i feel like a sham

Shomer-but-only-within-the-community. Idk i barely keep kosher get back to me when I can afford non-shrimp protein

Im not baal teshuva I'm just flirting with the concept I guess

[cosmicanger]

christo + jeanne-claude - jacob baal-teshuva (2001)

[torahtot]

wait this is so sad i was just thinking honestly if im ever not doing well ill pull a whole scheme where i pretend to be a baal teshuva and ill go to waterbury or something and then ill pull all my jewish music scene connections and become a #inspiring singer and make tons of money. and then i remember im a #girl so i cant really do that. best i could hope for is to become an instagram influencer and sing at women's events for moms of OTD teenagers. sad!

[maxinemartinsdrill]

just saw someone imply that baal teshuvas wouldn't know that if you put foil in a microwave it explodes and that you should add you rabbi first.

[hindahoney]

Wild and revolutionary concept: maybe don't treat converts like trash just because they're converts? And also don't ask someone if they're a convert in a public setting?

[theadaptableeducator]

Weekend Book Reviews: Rothko by Jacob Baal-Teshuva

In Rothko, Jacob Baal-Teshuva crafts a compelling and deeply researched exploration of one of the 20th century’s most enigmatic and influential abstract painters, Mark Rothko. Through a combination of biographical insight, critical analysis, and careful curation of Rothko’s works, Baal-Teshuva’s book transcends the typical confines of an art monograph, positioning itself as a profound reflection…

[onmymasa22]

Hello, I am contacting you as per your interest in ----. She is not interested in you today. She will not be interested in you tomorrow, a week, a month, and a year from now in perpituity. She doesn't like you. Please terminate all contact with my client.

When its ur dream to spend ur time with old people who deal with mental illnesses, and get paid for it... amd u found a place where the workers r like family and the people are so sweet.

My life is fine. But i want to cry. Last year i lived with my best friend. And this year i feel alone. Because im in my room. Amd i eat alone. And i sleep alone. And yah, theres people that go in and out, and theyre nice and i talk to them. But my life isnt like theirs. Amd i miss my parents. I think i really miss my parents. Because im here, and i dont feel like home. I feel like a stranger. I feel like im missing human contact. But ill make new froends soon. Ill be ok. Im just not ok roght mow. So ill play a movie, and eat my dinner, and have a productive day tomorrow. Its a lot of feelings right now. And its normal. I just miss the dorms. Where i had perla and elisheva. Cuz perla has her husband and elisheva has her family. Amd im ok. Im really ok. I just feel like crying. Amd im hormonal. Amd thats ok.

When ur hobby is to play dominos with old people who deal with various mental illnesses... and finally u will get paid for it, with a staff who feel like family

Ok so the tanya is called lekutei amarim- a collection of statements, but most people refer to it as tanya, which is the first word of the big book. Parts 1-3 were published in 1797, and parts 4 and 5 were added after the rebbis death in 1814.

1) Sefer shel benonim- the book for the average man. (Deals with how normal people can best serve hashem with a very intellectual perspective and what really is the soul) chapters 1-53

2) Shaar hayichud vehaemunah- the gateway of unity and belief. (Talks about the unity of gd according to kabbalah and the baal shem tov and deals with the question of- is gd in everything or is everything in gd)

3) igeret hateshuva- letter of repentance (how to do teshuva in a way that not only will u be completely forgiven, u will be even higher than before. He talks about the two different kinds of teshuva according to what it says in kabbalah) 12 chapters

4) igeret hakodesh- letters of holiness (letters he wrote, kind of like a commentary on the kabbalah of different mitzvos. Addressed as, once u have gone through the three books, this is a deeper level u can dive into) 32 chapters

5) kuntres acharon- last thesis (letters where he talks about controversial things in kabbalah.) 9 chapters

What i didnt know about living in israel- that after years of wishing for a settled apartment with my own room that i can play guitar and paint and get dressed in, id be hugging myself rocking and crying, feeling so lonely. I feel just so lonely and im not used to it. Because i shared a room with my best friends.

Hashem im lonely. Make me feel like km hugged. Who else is lonely like me. Who else is crying in their bed.

If ur going through it right now, i get u. Im not a complainer, i only complain to my really good friends about stuff. But i wish life was just fun

Im not the same person i was when i left. Wjen i left i was sharing a bed with lots of different guys. I let a bunch of guys kiss me even though i knew they didnt deserve to. I let people waste my time. I was passive, because i knew none of it was real.

Now, i dont talk to guys who waste my time with situationships. I listen to shiurim. I know the real laws of tzniut and whats machmir and im committed. I learn torah and share thoughts.

Make watercolor or silk paintings or maybe a book from stories of rabbi nachman because theres something dreamy about it. Maybe illustrate the stories or make paintings for childrens rooms

Asking families mefunim and hostiges whether if there was a time machine, would they fo forward or back

I am so greatful that in a time where everyone is getting sick, i can take a day to just rest my body. Do the meeting i need to, but be minimally social otherwise, putting not essential things off for tomorrow, and just know that since coming, life is hectic, but everything is wonderful.

סנישממאה

נסשיממהא

נס שימם הא

ס נישם מאה

קולט רציתי לדעת מה זה אומר, יש לי שם שני, סימא שזה מילה בארמית לאוצר, שההורים שלי קראו לי אחרי סבתא רבה שלי שהיא הייתה נצולת שואה שנפתרה שנתיים לפני שנולדתי. איזה משפטים יוצאים לי

דנלשימהה

נדשלמיהה

[milksockets]

'valley curtain, rifle, colorado,' 1970-2 in christo + jeanne-claude - jacob baal-teshuva (2001)

[straynoahide]

not just converts but a lot of bnei anusim have also returned to their tribe at times of persecution and peril and still do, and many secular deassimilate or become baal teshuva, some called to make aliyah

am yisrael chai

I love talking to rabbis as a recent conversion student because the interaction goes something like, "you're converting? Now?! At this time, at this moment in history?!". And they always talk about this influx of jewish convert students they've seen recently, and it's like...

There's this level of respect I get from rabbis for converting at this point in time, but... Has there ever been a good time to be a jew in the last thousand years or so plus? I'm imagining that rabbis and jews in general back in 1492, back in 1290, back in 1349 would have said the exact same thing. So, really, there is only a time to be a jew. Maybe it's not a "good" time, yes, but it is a time. And to me, that's good enough

[socalledfreethinker]

DA2 was like what if we made the most beautiful man in the world and what if we made him the Andrastian version of a baal teshuva and what if he wants a CHASTE MARRIAGE?