#Both their previous partners had been killed and they both sort of blame themselves for it

[peachyhoneyadventures]

EDOLISSE AND VARRICK

These Hands, If Not Gods by Natalie Diaz | Still from When A Man Loves (1927) | Snippet from Richard Siken's "Crush" | Still From The Lodger: A Story of the London Fog (1927) | Poem from Margaret Atwood's "You are Happy"

[octalove]

VIII: Struck by Lightning

(Batgirl/Red Hood)

Description: Reader makes a confession, and goes on a date. Previous.

TW: Brief mention of gore (just blood)

In the weeks succeeding the Little Italy mission, I found a rhythm in the two conflicting heartbeats of my life. Occasionally, I met with Jason to file down the multitude of criminals who opposed him (it wasn’t all rescuing orphans and kittens, but his justice was fair and swift), and other than that, I carried on with life as normal; both as myself, and Batgirl. It was an inconsistent, exciting balancing act.

I tried to humor Bruce’s transparent attempts to placate me with cold cases, deeming it study. My school work had unsurprisingly lost its appeal, and I found myself rocking in the river banks of what was sure to be a failing grade in most of my classes- though I had yet to run ashore. Yet.

I danced along, despite my reprisal (a lack of sleep, and white lies on either side), and overall there was a certain stalemate. With that, peace. Or at least, the closest I could get.

On a Saturday I happened to have free (to my great relief), I woke up at one in the afternoon, to a blessedly dim day that kept the light in my room dark enough to cradle my lie-in.

I washed the sleep from my face, and stumbled downstairs, muscles sore from a Thursday night mission with Jason at the Port (of which I told my family I was going to a party). Tim was the only one in the kitchen- looking like he, too, had just crawled out of bed. He was eating cereal in silence.

We hadn’t been avoiding each other, per say- just got wrapped up in our own routines. Routines that kept me out of the house, and him trapped within it.

“Morning.” I said.

“Mm.” He replied.

I poured out my own bowl of cereal and settled on top of the glossy white granite. It was kind of a running joke at the Wayne household that you could sit anywhere but the chairs. Even Damian picked up on it- and, naturally, he was the best at it- perching his lithe little form atop the fridge at one point.

Now, Tim and I sat side by side on the countertop, shoulders brushing and spoons clanging against our glass bowls. Nothing more was said, but it was a comfortable silence.

I thought, for a second, about the world he’d been living in for the past few months as November bled into December. About his work and his many, many jobs he had to do. The way he shouldered them all week-to-week. He didn’t have to, but he did.

Tim made me a better person. I thought so, anyway.

But then, before I met him, I was the kind of person who let Carolyn Crawford slap me across the face to cover for someone else’s secret. Now, I was the kind who let other people take the blame for mine. Maybe Tim didn’t make me a better person. Only I could do that.

*

“I need to talk to you.” I said it firmly, and with authority. Mostly to convince myself that I was certain in my intention to go through with it. Bruce eyed me, looking up from his book.

“Alright.”

“...”

“...”

“In private.”

Alfred and Damian’s voices carried through to the living room as they had tea (an evening tradition). Bruce nodded, closed his book, and led me upstairs.

His office was a quiet, peaceful place. Finished dark wood, glass tables, and black leather accents. It was the room in the house that was most furnished to his own private taste, and thus, a glimpse inside was into him. It was mostly predictable; W.E. briefcases, notebooks and pens, case files open, and a map of the city that was displayed behind his desk. But there were other things too; a rubik’s cube half solved on the settee, a magazine featuring Vicki Vale with a pen in her hand and a defiant, head-strong look on her face. A gorgeous trailing point knife that belonged to Damian (probably confiscated).

I sat down in the chair that faced his own; his giant, glossy desk between us. I wanted to be swallowed into the dark leather. I felt like I was back at the shrink.

“Tim didn’t sneak off on the 21st.” I said quickly, cutting off the silence as quickly as I could. “He’s not the one who saw Red Hood kill that guy. It was me. I made Tim promise not to tell. He lied to cover for me.”

Bruce was quiet. He did that a lot; made you wait for him to speak. Seconds, minutes, hours. It all felt the same when he let you simmer in your own mistakes. I didn’t look up.

“I see.”

Silence. A long, testing silence. His irritating little desk clock ticked away.

“Is that all you wanted to tell me?” He asked.

I nodded.

“Very well. You’re dismissed.”

“Really?” I asked. “That’s it? You’re not mad?”

He paused. “Should I be?”

I blinked, gaze falling on the floor. “I put Tim in a really shitty position. He didn’t have to lie, but he did because I asked him to. I’m mad at me.” I admitted quietly.

Bruce nodded pedantically, resting his head on his hand. “Then that’s good enough for me.”

I furrowed my brow. It wasn’t good enough for me. “It was wrong.” I clarified, trying to press for some manner of reprimand that I didn’t truly want, but felt deserving of anyway. Bruce considered this, in his quiet, inscrutable way. After a moment, he spoke.

“Your mothers trusted me.” He said. I knew that. My parents were business-oriented like that. They were pulled together by happenstance, each without family and carving their own way in the world by studying international law, and applying it to companies who could afford private foreign trade, such as Wayne Enterprises. I attended the parties, the galas, standing around in my designer gowns while my moms handed out their business cards and talked about imports. They weren’t neglectful, just distracted.

“I don’t know if you remember-“

“I do.”

And if I had a dollar for every time the cops or the shrink asked me if I remembered that night, I’d buy my own manor.

Bruce Wayne was at my birth. He and my mothers had been business partners for a while by that time. He watched me, dutifully, when my parents went on date nights, and played catch with me when I accompanied him and Dick to the park. He cooked me breakfast the morning after my mothers died.

I knew it wasn’t a random killing, but he didn’t talk about why they were murdered in their own bed until I was fifteen. By then, I was knowledgeable enough to go searching through the police reports on my own. So instead, one night he’d sat me down at the kitchen table, looking at me earnestly.

“You have to understand, Y/N. Your mothers were...” He’d taken a deep breath. Tried again. “They were involved in things. Things I didn’t know about. It made them a lot of enemies.” Then, something harder passed his features. A frustration.

“They were completely blind to the fact that it meant you would never have a normal life. Not as long as they kept it up- that... double life.” I let the statement hang in the air for a time. “That was stolen from you, from the moment they got involved with the Baciu. And I’m sorry.”

It was easy to be sorry. I was sorry, too. My mothers got themselves tangled in Gotham’s heroin trade, and they weren’t careful enough, so they died for it. It was fairly cut and dry. Open file, close case. But the part that was so bitter to swallow was that it happened to me. A fourteen-year-old child creeping into my mothers’ bed because I’d heard a noise, and the re-runs of Ghost Hunter I’d religiously consumed were conjuring movement in the shadows. But there were no ghosts. Just sheets stained with blood that looked black in the darkness. Just the wet, clogged sort of sound when I peeled back the covers, unable to register they way my mothers were bent, and stilled in a way that only death can induce, where just earlier that night they’d been walking and talking. Bringing me Chinese take-out for dinner.

Their death, and everything that followed was emptying. Cracking open a great chasm and bringing death home, into the halls, and into my room. No longer a rumor. It was an empty chair, and a storied space made cold and worthless. It would’ve been easier if they had simply died as a random killing. Tragic, standard, random Gotham City killing. If I had just been that unlucky. If they’d only been struck by lightning. Instead, I grieved twice; once for who they were, and another time, for who I thought they were.

When Bruce adopted me, I became Batgirl. I made it my own vendetta to stop criminals without killing them, because I knew that some- most of them had children at home who would be the real victims if I did.

But then, I thought deeper. More considerately, about who my mothers were. Moreover, who they weren’t. Pearl and gold, white teeth and hairspray. Singing to me, and playing Monopoly, at which they were both so competitive that they had to kiss and make up after every game. Bringing me a strawberry cupcake in bed every year on my birthday. Kissing me on the head. Telling me to be good. Leaving me in that big house. Going off to Port Adams, or Crime Alley. Signing orders. Putting bodies in Finger River.

Nobody’s innocent here, dollface.

“They trusted me.” Bruce’s voice interrupted my reminiscing with the ghosts of my past. “I know their death was hard, and you may still be recovering. I’m trying to do the best I can for you.” He finished. For all the gnashing teeth and avaricious expanses of Gotham City secrets, he looked tired.

“I know, Bruce.” I said quietly. “Me too.”

*

The following Tuesday, I got home from school and started on a mountain of homework I needed to do- some make up work as well. Christmas break was around the corner, and I was slowly losing motivation as the semester drew to a close. I had too many distractions; and tonight was no exception.

Ding.

My phone buzzed, and I looked down, eyebrows raising to find that it was a text from Jason- one that wasn’t just a pin dropped to a location.

Meet me at Twin Sharks. I’ll buy you a coffee.

- What’s the occasion?

No reply. I sighed. I should’ve called him and made him tell me, but I knew that I would go no matter what, so I decided to play the apathy card. Despite my cool response, my heart (the traitor) was fluttering like a bird. Was this about the kiss? Our partnership? Was it an actual, regular date? Or was he breaking it off? My mind raced, and as I pulled together a tasteful outfit and sprayed myself with perfume, I promised myself that it wasn’t for him.

The Twin Sharks was a diner in Upper West Side, near China town. It was nicer than the likes of Sherman’s, or anything else East End had to offer. The late afternoon was unexpectedly bright, clouds parted for a sweet reprieve of gold and blush in the sky. The sun was a striking blood-orange, hung low over the city. It struck a match in my chest- some childish, poetic hopefulness.

The diner’s door jingled, and I scanned the booths and tables. It was a little crowded, but I spotted Jason alone in a booth, his eyes cast down, involved with his phone. I made my way over to him, slipping off my coat and plopping down his opposite.

“Hey.” I said. His eyes fell upon me, and I saw something on his face- maybe surprise, or something to that effect- before he composed his expression into something unreadable.

“Hey.”

The diner had a big, hot pink neon sign that depicted a matching pair of sharks above the counter. Its buzzing glow mixed with the orange gleam of the lowering sun through the windows- it was all very rose-colored.

The waitress put a coffee in front of me, and I got to work on adorning it with the little cream and sugar packets on the table. He watched me do it for while.

“What?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.

“Nothin’.” He said. Then, he reached across the table, and took my hand, pulling it back to him, and pressed a soft kiss to my knuckles. I was so startled by it that I dropped the sugar packet I was holding. Neither of us seemed to notice. He turned my hand over and placed another kiss in the inside of my wrist before returning it safely to my side of the table. I was certain my face burned like the neon sharks.

“I’m- um- is this a date?” I asked, trying to get him to say something- anything- to get my mind off the way he’d just reduced me to a puddle.

He looked amused by that. “You want it to be?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged, stirring my coffee. “You invited me.”

He nodded, eyes falling away. “Yeah. I’ve got an update for you. D’amici business.”

“Oh.” By the look on his face, it wasn’t good news.

“You’re not gonna like it.”

“Perfect. My day’s been a little too good so far.” I said. He slid me his phone- on the screen was an article from the Gotham Quarterly.

Young Bride Found Murdered in Diamond District Estate

I read over it a couple times, brow furrowing. “You mean...“

“Penelope. It happened last night.”

“Shit.” I muttered, scrolling down and scanning through the article. My throat caught as I read over it. She was shot in her bed. “It says there’s no suspects.”

“Course it does. It’s the mafia. They handle things nice and quiet.”

“And I’m guessing you have a few a suspects.” He nodded grimly as I slid his phone back to him.

“One better. I know exactly who did it. I think you do, too.”

I put my head in my hands, mulling over my options. Really there was only one. Penelope’s beautiful, flustered face and apologetic eyes flashed through my mind. Her wind-chime laugh as we ate scones under the watchful eye of her adoring, peculiar grandmother.

“Okay.” I resolved. “Let’s get that girl justice.”

[dreamingofscully]

MOVIE: “The X-Files: Fight the Future” - X-Files Rewatch

"Why did they assign me to you in the first place, Mulder? To debunk your work, to rein you in, to shut you down." - Scully "But you saved me! As difficult and as frustrating as it's been sometimes, your goddamned strict rationalism and science have saved me a thousand times over! You've kept me honest ... you've made me a whole person. I owe you everything ... Scully, and you owe me nothing. I don't know if I wanna do this alone... I don't even know if I can ... and if I quit now, they win." - Mulder

Seeing XF in theatres. The black screen, and suddenly the theme music, the oil, the Title on screen. One of the best moments of my life.

How do we go from the devastation of "The End" to the happy, jokey Mulder and Scully at the beginning of the movie?

I have some ideas, which are currently in development.

"Mulder, it's me." First line. ❤️

Introducing the characters to a new audience: Scully as the rational one, Mulder "playing a hunch".

Joking with each other, incredible banter and UST. Such a wonderful team.

They are in a good place here.

Mulder hitting something when frustrated.

SCULLY IS BADASS LISTEN TO HER!!

Standing beside each other when they get into the snack room with the bomb,

Scully grabbing Mulder, yelling at him to leave.

He has a sense something's wrong. His self-sacrificing nature, doesn't care about his danger.

Scully in the meeting, Mulder's late. 😥

That they cover for each other. Blaming themselves for what happened and not wanting the other to take any responsibility. (Mulder would have been lying to protect Scully here. When the SAC ordered M&S to leave him, against regulations, Scully listened while Mulder pushed back.)

Outside the meeting

Scully's suit is so... Hnnng. I think it’s the same one she wears at the end of the movie. I’d wear it every day. Jesus.

Mulder with his sleeves rolled up, how long was he waiting?

Both of them are so damned beautiful this movie.

They're being split up. Not just to different departments but different STATES.

- Mulder moves a bit closer when she tells him this.

"And now if they were to transfer me to Omaha or Cleveland, or some field office, it just doesn't hold the interest for me that it once did. Not after what I've seen and done." - Scully

Not to mention being separated from Mulder.

Mulder realizes she's quitting, which he assumes means he's losing her.

Scully's in a place where she feels that she can't or won't get answers, and she can move on from the X-Files with relatively little fuss. In fact, the price that she feels both her and Mulder keep paying seems too steep for the bits and pieces that they get. Even if they get the truth, get answers, will they be able to hold those responsible to justice? Scully doesn't think so, not any more. So is it worth it? Only because Mulder is there, she needs to watch his back, and she loves working with him. But if he decided to leave, to do something else, she would be fine with it. He can't, because of his sister, ultimately. But all throughout season 5 (since Redux probably: “That would mean that for 4 years we've been nothing more than pawns in a game, that it was a lie from the beginning. Mulder, these men... You give them your faith and you're supposed to trust them with your life.”) and then season 6 we see Scully drifting away from wanting to work on the X-Files, wanting to leave and bring Mulder with her. She won't leave without Mulder, unless forced to by larger powers. She's leaving the bureau to STAY with Mulder, not to leave him. Mulder thinks there's some hope they can get the X-Files back, together, and that if she leaves the FBI he won't see her again.

"Maybe you should ask yourself if your heart's still in it, too." - Scully

Scully is asking him to move on WITH her. Mulder assumes she is just leaving and abandoning not only him but their work on the X-Files. The answers and the truth (and his sister) still mean a lot to him.

Scully knows how relentless Mulder is. She loves it but it's also frustrating. He can't give up and will still pursue his answers in whatever way he can. What is her choice? Stay in the bureau and get transferred away with some hope of returning and working with him or leaving the bureau and having some sort of friendship/relationship with him outside of their work.

Her soft "I'm sorry." when he goes to leave.

Knowing she's disappointing him, even if she thinks she doesn't matter.

Scully's sad face when she gives him his jacket. Her hesitance about leaving in the hallway.

Mulder drinking. [["I usually, I normally never, I don’t drink.." (Syzygy)]]

Feeling pretty sorry for himself.

"One is the loneliest number." - Mulder

Thinking about his impending split from Scully. 😥

"I heard you come in here now and again, figured you'd be needing a little drinkie tonight." - Kurtzweil to Mulder

When did he start going to the bar occasionally? During Scully's cancer perhaps, losing himself in his sorrow.

Going to Scully's after hearing what Kurtzweil said. Maybe the last chance he has to do something with her. 😥

She can't sleep. 😥

Their interaction at Scully's apartment.

"Are you drunk, Mulder?" - Scully "I ... I ... I was until about 20 minutes ago, yeah." - Mulder "Was that before or after you decided to come here?" - Scully "What exactly are you implying?" - Mulder

Scully thinking he's just drunk, that he came here to get her to change her mind, to do something neither of them has had the guts to do sober. But she doesn't want anything from an inebriated Mulder.

BUT! Don't worry Scully it's just a case. 😥

I think Scully's wearing the same coat as the one she wore in Christmas Carol.

She always knows to pack gloves around Mulder.

Standing close over the body.

Love Scully in the cold room & the phone ringing. Her panicked face. Mulder just left her there. 🙄

Hiding under the gurneys. 😆

Scully arriving in Dallas. Mulder wasn't sure if she'd come but his face says everything - so happy she changed her mind. He needs her.

Standing closely over the microscope. His FACE! He loves her. ❤️

Scully's face when she sees what's under the microscope.

I really love Well-Manicured Man. Seems more similar to Mulder's father, except having stayed more involved with the Consortium rather than quitting it completely. He wants to do the right thing, but found himself in a strange position of power and forced to do bad things. He's still terrible, of course, but much more nuanced than CSM.

"Mulder" saw one of the infected bodies. What about Scully? Why are we forgetting about how important she is here? Ugh.

"Then you must take away what he holds most valuable. That with which he can't live without." - Strughold

Cut to shot of Scully.

Everyone knows what they mean to each other, except each other. 🙄

I mean... I'm conflicted here. Love that we're acknowledging that Scully is something Mulder can't live without but at the same time she's not just important in terms of how Mulder feels about her. She's the reason that Mulder is as close as he is to the truth, that he's been able to do so much and be such a pain in the ass. If not for her, he'd probably be unwittingly working for the Consortium by now.

"Five years together, Scully. How many times I been wrong? Never. Not driving anyway." - Mulder

In the car - their teamwork, their compromise. Mulder drives straight instead of going right (Scully) or left (Mulder). And because of this, they find what they were looking for. A bit of a 'knock you on the head' metaphor, but oh well. They find their answers not because of Mulder and not because of Scully but because they work together to reach the truth. The danger comes from them both being a team, not from either of them separately.

The scene with Mulder bashfully admitting this is an extraterrestrial virus to Scully is so darn cute. I wish they'd kept Scully's swearing in the final movie, that would have been amazing.

Mulder keeps looking back at her, making sure she's with them, as they approach the white structures in the cornfield.

When the bees come, Mulder taking her hand/wrist, going back to help her. Putting his arm around her.

Scully's wild hair. ❤️ Mulder gazing.

Yelling at each other in the cornfield. PEAK X-FILES!!

MULDERRRRRRR! SCULLAYYYYYYYY!

Mulder's face when they find each other. His hand on her arm.

At the meeting, Scully looking disheveled as she arrives late.

HALLWAY SCENE.

Scully resigns because she doesn't want to go to Utah. The appeal of working for the bureau has waned after working for Mulder and seeing how things really are with the corrupt government.

What she wants is HERE, in D.C.

Mulder doesn't want her to quit because he thinks there is some hope they can get the X-Files back, knows he can't do it without her. And he thinks he's losing her if they don't work together. That the only way he can have her at his side is if they are partners. That he doesn't deserve her in any other way, or that she'd even want it.

Like she told Mulder earlier - her heart isn't in it if she's not with him.

"I need you on this, Scully." - Mulder "You don't need me, Mulder. You never have. I've just held you back." - Scully

Her thoughts from the past while:

“Folie à Deux”: not believing in him. In fact, refusing to do so and nearly getting him killed

From “The End”: Finding out about Diana: a previous partner who also had a romantic relationship with him, who was able to work with him and believe him

Also, their office, all their files and work destroyed: Not only does Mulder not have the proof Scully wanted to give him, but they lost the X-Files; Scully feels responsible. They were warned (by Diana no less) about pursuing this course of action, and Mulder chose Scully's way - and they were punished for it.

She thought she could make a difference in the FBI, but she feels like she hasn't (her comment from earlier in the hallway at the FBI)

So - she feels like she holds him back. She can't believe, feels like she can't be that person. She can never be the person he needs and wants. She caused their work to be destroyed, for him to lose everything important to him.

I love how she just shoves her face into his chest. 😍

Mulder never planned to tell her these things (they don't normally talk about their feelings), but he can't let her say that she doesn't matter. She is everything to him. 😍

Mulder's spontaneity.

For all of season 5, he's been holding himself back, despite knowing how he feels about her, because he's felt he doesn't deserve to be loved, especially by her.

His feelings come rushing out here

No "I love you" but everything that those words mean to him.

Scully's emotional state. Her chest heaving, tears welling in her eyes. His words to her mean everything. Acknowledging that she completes him, that she makes their work possible. That she is critical to his quest. That he doesn't want to do it without her, doesn't think he can.

Everything that she's wanted to hear from him, that she's wanted to BE to him - proven to her by his words for once. Actions may be stronger proof, but you can always deny their true meaning, misinterpret the gestures. But then he backs those words up with more actions...

Scully can't look at him whole he's talking, afraid of what her eyes will reveal. Holding him, kissing his forehead with affection. Familiarity. They've done this before to comfort and she loves to touch him.

UNTIL-- !!! She realizes what he's about to do, what his eyes are saying. Her world shifts -- HE LOVES HER?!

How did that damn bee know to pick this very moment. ARGH.

Mulder's concern when she pulls away sharply. Thinking that he crossed a line, that she doesn't want this. MORE GUILT.

Her reassurance turning to fear. Bees - can't be a coincidence.

Mulder's tenderness and fear when she collapses.

LGM ❤️

Instant rescue mode: WHERE'S SCULLY??

Mulder just throwing Byers' jacket in the street. LOL

WMM - knows exactly what to do to get Mulder into the car with him. Everyone knows except Mulder and Scully how they feel about each other... Well they sorta have an idea now.

"Save Agent Scully" - hmm, OK, you just killed Kurtzweil but I'm listening.

IN the end WMM gives Mulder the vaccine/coordinates not out of any altruistic motives, just out of a need to help his own family - disagrees with the rest of the consortium on their methods (that they are willing to work with the aliens despite new information that they are being used). Mulder is WMM's best chance to fight the aliens and the virus, but he knows Mulder needs Scully. Mulder would be USELESS and LOST without her.

When the car blows up Mulder's face, he’s shocked, realizing the truth in WMM’s words but still focused on his goal -- SCULLY.

Just think about how much pain he must be in. Doesn't matter. SCULLY.

Goes to ANTARCTICA to save her. Doesn't think twice. What a hero.

At the ship, seeing everything, what it could mean. Doesn't matter. SCULLY.

Seeing her clothes and necklace in the transport container. The first evidence that she's here.

Finding her! Desperately breaking her out of the container.

"I'm cold." 😥

His hand on her face.

Definitely sees her naked.

She's so pale. 😥

Lifting and carrying her when she can't continue.  

The mouth-to-mouth. Her joke when she comes back. ❤️ "Had you big time." And her smile.

When they get out Mulder keeps his hands on her.

He just wants her to SEE to BELIEVE him ❤️ He wants to share that with her.

SHE SAYS SHE SAW IT. Mulder's like "FINALLY!"

Their cuddle on the snow. Scully's face in his hair.

The ending scene.

Mulder on the bench, watching Scully approach. Looking fabulous! ❤️

Mulder and Scully's positions are reversed compared to the hallway scene.

Mulder doesn't want to watch her die - this she was leaving him when she was resigning.

Scully now has the determination to continue - that Mulder did what he did to save her, what she saw even if she can't explain it or admit it.

AND she knows how he feels about her. He loves her, she believes in that at least. She wants to give him reason to continue, knowing he won't do it without her.

"You were right to want to quit! You were right to want to leave me! You should get as far away from me as you can! I'm not going to watch you die, Scully, because of some hollow personal cause of mine. Go be a doctor. Go be a doctor while you still can." - Mulder

Mulder's guilt - telling her to leave him and be a doctor. That she went through hell because of HIM. (Not thinking about how he went through hell to get her BACK. Of COURSE he would, but it doesn't seem significant to him.)

That she was CURED. That there is a vaccine for this thing. Scully needs to pursue it and she needs to be with him to do so. As a scientist this would be incredible exciting. She has some physical proof, some tangible thing she can focus on, not just an endless search. That their work can potentially lead to something good, that can save lives.

Scully encourages him and he loves her for it.

She grabs his hand but then Mulder holds hers in his. ❤️ 

The actual ending. More forgetting about Scully. "He is but one man. One man alone cannot fight the future." Like, FUCK OFF. Shoulda left it with the previous scene. 😩

[its-ashleyreads]

Finished: 25/05/2021

Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo

“In case you’ve forgotten, I tried to kill you.”

“And failed.”

“Here’s to second chances.”

Rating:  ★★★★☆

Summary:

After escaping the Fold, Alina and Mal find themselves in a strange land they’ve only ever heard stories about, but when the Darkling returns with more power than ever, they have nowhere to turn. Thus begins their journey across the True Sea, complete with pirates, sea monsters, and powerful enemies and allies. But as Alina hones her powers, the Darkling is given the time he needs to raise an army.

Review:

Ow. I am in pain. It might be too early for me to write this review, my wounds are too fresh, but I’m about to start Ruin and Rising and I don’t want to mix up details of the two. While Shadow and Bone was a bit middling for me, Siege and Storm, kept me on the edge of my seat. The action started at the very beginning, and even though they spent most of the book at the Little Palace preparing for war, I never felt like there was a dull moment. The introduction of new characters kept everything lively and interesting, and the reintroduction of characters from the previous book made them feel a bit more cohesive, like we didn’t learn all of those old characters names for nothing. But while Siege and Storm was exciting and tense, the main focus was about developing the characters for, I assume, book three. So much happened, to Mal and Alina particularly, in Shadow and Bone but they were always on the move, never able to process anything. In Siege and Storm, they were forced to confront the fact that while they were once one and the same, their paths may have been beginning to diverge and whether or not they could find the strength to fix their relationship or abandon it altogether.

I’ve been seeing a lot of people calling Mal abusive and other bullshit because he was “afraid of Alina’s power,” but I just don’t think that’s true. Because Mal only ever seems to be “afraid” of Alina’s power whenever she herself has lost control. On the ship, when testing out the power of the fetter, Alina lost complete control. She would have accidentally killed them all if Mal didn’t step in. Mal grounds her. As Alina became more and more angry and out of control, Mal was the only one who noticed and wouldn’t let her lie to him. He cares about her, not Sankta Alina or the Sun Summoner, or whatever the fuck else she’s called. And while he obviously has issues with communication and resentment toward her for just deciding that they’d both go to the Little Palace (she didn’t even pretend to ask for his input, smh), his feelings of being undervalued are completely valid. He gave up everything for her. He lost two of his closest friends, he deserted the army and was dishonorably discharged, he went to the Little Palace, which anyone could have seen he would have hated, just to be with her. Zoya kept throwing herself at him and he never even gave her a thought (until they broke up but that’s beside the point), even though Alina was spending an increasing amount of time with Nikoli and Mal knew she was keeping some sort of secret from him. I don’t blame Alina for the downfall of their relationship completely, but she did take him for granted. When he lost everything, she became the only thing he had left, and none of that other stuff was replaced with a sense of purpose. His literal job was just to follow her around, he had nothing of his own. And when you’re spending your days standing in your partners shadow there’s not a lot you can do, especially when whenever you consider leaving and she begs you to stay…

I know I sound like such a hardcore Malina shipper, and I do ship them, but it just bothers me how big of a fanbase Darklina has when he’s legitimately abusive. Like, is Mal and Alina’s relationship flawed? Of course! But is he an abusive partner? I really don’t think so. Alina has all the power in that relationship, he’s just trying to survive. I am excited to see where their relationship goes in Ruin and Rising though. I’m terrified that Mal is going to die. Please, don’t let him die Leigh Bardugo. I know this book was written years ago and the ending already exists, but I shall beg anyway. I’ve already had enough heartbreak after Fedyor, which I actually kind of love because if I had just read the books, I probably wouldn’t care, but because of the show and the actor’s personal Instagram account I grew to love him so much and cried when he died. I’m really hopping that they change that in the show.

I’m just gonna leave this Malina moment here...

“You want to wear the second amplifier. You have it. You want to go to Os Alta? Fine, we’ll go. You say we need the firebird. I’ll find a way to get it for you. But when all this is over, Alina, I wonder if you’ll still want me.”

[atopearth]

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Part 4 - Trials and Tribulations (3rd game)

Turnabout Memories Omggg! I can’t believe we get to see Phoenix and Mia’s first meeting! I’ve always liked Mia so this is great! It’s so cute to see a younger Phoenix that is so cute and careless haha. Didn’t expect him to be the defendant for Mia’s second case ever though, but I guess it is a Phoenix Wright game, they gotta put him in the spotlight somehow, so if he’s not the defence, he’ll have to be a suspect hahaha. It’s so adorable when Phoenix cries lmao, but wow Dahlia is so cute and pretty, she’s an angel! Those butterflies hovering around her though lmao. The bottle necklace was really cool.

Wow, I really liked how this case turned out, it definitely feels more in line with the cases in the first game that I liked the most, mainly because it’s simple, it’s straightforward and it rounds up all the evidence and people mentioned nicely. I didn’t expect Phoenix to be so smitten with Dahlia though lol, but yeah, she’s really evil, not that we get to know what her motives for killing that attorney were, but dang was she evil to give the bottle that hid the poison to Phoenix so the police wouldn’t find it. I find it kinda funny that it ended up backfiring on her because Phoenix refused to return it to her later on so she had to keep dating him to try and get it back loll. Gotta feel sorry for the ex though, he noticed that she was dodgy and had stolen poison from his labs and was nice enough to warn Phoenix, but that instead led to his death, sigh, so terrible. Considering Dahlia’s last words, I guess we’ll be seeing her again… But yeah, I really liked this case especially with Mia being the lawyer, you can see how great she was even when she was a newbie. Lmao at Mr Payne losing his hair and screaming when he lost loll. Gotta love all the exaggeration, it really makes the game haha.

The Stolen Turnabout It’s nice to see Andrews living a better life now than when she was a manager. Lmaoo that no one noticed the urn being weird with the name spelt wrong since Pearl glued it back in the wrong places. Shocking that the village is famous enough that their “treasures” are being exhibited though lol. Otherwise, Atmey the ace detective doesn’t seem very interesting of a guy lol. I have to say, I miss Larry and his ability to complicate everything so it’s nice to see him again! Can’t believe he and Phoenix didn’t talk to each other for two years though! But, I guess considering the type of happy go lucky guy he is, Larry following a woman to Japan and then getting dumped is believable loll. I wonder if he makes all the girls he dates famous or something loll. Anyway, I don’t know why, but I feel like Atmey looks like and feels like Mask DeMasque. Okay, I love Godot’s look, he looks cool!! HAHAHA, I love him already, he’s never won or lost a case before because he’s a beginner hahahaha. He’s such an eccentric but it’s so cute, it was so funny and slack when he wanted to call his next witness, but Gumshoe said he hadn’t proven anything yet, and Godot says he already proved his incompetence LOL. And I love how Godot said the safest place to keep evidence is by him pocketing them hahahah. Gotta love everyone’s confidence here, Atmey especially, he didn’t even get to see the culprit’s face and was knocked out by him but he’s still so full of himself lolll. Gotta love how lenient the judge is with all the dodgy people, but I guess that’s expected since he’s not the best himself hahaha. LMAO when Godot said objection and threw his coffee at Phoenix (Godot Blend #102 hahaha) and you see the cup on his head whilst it’s dripping coffee hahahaha.

Anyway, what is wrong with Ron? Why is he so insistent on being Mask DeMasque and being pronounced guilty? Ohh wow, didn’t expect the CEO that was apparently blackmailing Ron to die, and to think that Phoenix proving him to be at the CEO office at the time of the theft saved him from the current case but now has caused him to be arrested for murdering the CEO. Aside from that, I love how when Godot is losing to Phoenix, steam comes out of his head or he just says random things about coffee to express his feelings lmao. Hahaahha Wendy Oldbag is Larry’s superior and partner in KB Security? Loll, they both sound so dodgy, I’m worried for this building. I wonder if Mask DeMasque is like two people or something lol. Hmm so Ron was the thief but someone gave him the plans and what to steal~ HAHAHA, lmao when Godot said “you did it, didn’t you?” to Ron when he was about to start testifying and Ron with a serious face says “yes” and then realises what he just said yes to and starts saying noooo LOL. Like the judge said, it really could have been the shortest trial ever hahahaha. Gotta love Gadot’s variety of reactions, it was so hilarious whenever he spat his coffee out at Phoenix uncovering things that were unexpected to him hahaha. Anyway, I really liked how things went on in this part of the trial! Even though it was obvious Detective Atmey was the culprit, it was interesting to see how he made everyone fall into the trap of thinking he was actually Mask DeMasque in order to get himself a guilty verdict of larceny as his alibi to protect him from actually being accused of murdering the CEO. That felt really clever and interesting imo. Well, glad to know Desiree really loves Ron as much as he loves her, so it’s a nice ending for them haha.

Overall, although Atmey was a boring culprit when considering his motives etc, I found the flow of the case really fun and interesting. The case started off pretty funny and amusing by introducing the broken urn from the previous game again and making it seem like a theft case, when really it interrelated with the idea of someone trying to use the double jeopardy rule (can’t be tried for the same charges twice when some sort of verdict has been made already) to get themselves out of the more serious crime. I liked the idea and the execution of it quite a bit and enjoyed how everything turned out~

Recipe for Turnabout A fake Nick?! Isn’t it a bit crazy that no one in court or anything knew it was a fake though?? Not sure if I like the sound of this case already… The fake also kinda tarnished his reputation for losing and getting a guilty verdict too! Well, I didn’t expect to see Maggey again, bad luck follows her everywhere, huh? Even when she’s been fired as a police officer and is now a waitress… Yahh, Armstrong is certainly an eccentric character… Well, uh, aside from the disgusting food, overly pungent flower smell in the restaurant and those weird dodgy aromatherapy oils he’s giving out, is there anything good about this guy or restaurant?! Omgg lace curtains in a kitchen, I am dreading the possibility of a fire already… Lmao when Maya in that maid/waitress outfit couldn’t entice Victor to talk and so she had to turn into Mia lolll.

Honestly though, Godot makes me want to drink coffee allll the time hahaha. Lmaooo at Gumshoe trying so hard to get Phoenix to doubt his testimony and evidence so that Maggey can be freed hahahah. Awww so cute how Gumshoe made a lunchbox for Maggey since she seemed to have lost weight from the stress of the case! Lmao that it’s just a bunch of weenies/sausages with rice though hahahah. I’m surprised no one cares or thinks the chef is suspicious especially since Maggey fainted when the guy got poisoned, like ummm okay?? I’d say that the idea of the Victor seeing a fake crime scene with a fake victim was interesting, but at the same time, it felt really implausible? Especially with how easily it was renounced by Phoenix because of the radio lottery announcement that occurs at 1:30pm every time? Lmao at everyone (even the judge hahaha) getting scared of Tigre’s dominating presence and shouting so they hide under the table lolll. Gotta love how calm Godot remains.

And yeah…the way they tricked him into telling the whole court what the bottle of potassium cyanide actually looked like etc was just..so, how do I say it? Unsatisfying??? Well, technically I felt like the whole story of this case and how it happened and why it happened was pretty bland already, but even the way they got him was just so uncharacteristically satisfying. I feel like what I enjoy most about the game is when they give you the evidence and the testimonies and that leads you to solving the case with clear cut evidence etc to show that “this person” did it. It just feels rather cheap when they deviate from that since it doesn’t feel like the reader themselves really did their part to show why this person is guilty, instead you’re reliant on Phoenix doing something random and dodgy to succeed. On another note, I found Maggey blaming Gumshoe and hating on him really annoying especially when she was a policewoman before and so she should understand that he had to give the facts, like seriously, you can’t blame him for telling the truth, especially when he ran around everywhere trying to help find evidence to prove her innocence. Not only was she not grateful for any of it, she KEEPS blaming him even after the trial ends! Like girl, he has no obligation (other than his job) to help her to such an extent that he’s even making lunchboxes etc for her, I was so annoyed with her, and do not want to see her again honestly, but I doubt it’s the last time we see her zzz. Considering how annoying she was about it all, I’m surprised she still ate the lunchbox in the end, Gumshoe is wasted on her. But yeah, basically, not a fan of this case in terms of story or the characters/witnesses. Victor was okay because he was a silly guy, but Tigre was so boring, even more boring than I initially thought.

Turnabout Beginnings I’m glad we get to see Mia’s first case! I was scared they might put it in the next game or something haha. Is Diego (another attorney in the same law firm as Mia) Godot’s father or something? Or is it actually Godot himself? Or am I just thinking too much haha. Omgggg I can’t believe Edgeworth is the prosecutor!! Young him is so cute though lol. Nah, Diego has the statement coffee cup, he’s gotta be related to Godot, it must run in the family!! Loll. Awww Gumshoe and Edgeworth go way back! So, is Melissa Dahlia? Did she change her name?? Honestly though, I’m not really interested in the case haha, doesn’t help how biased the judge is and how tricky Edgeworth is lol. Okay, that was unexpected, Valerie, Fawles and Dahlia were in on this “kidnapping” to get some cash out of it, but Valerie betrayed them and caused her sister, the little girl “Dahlia” to fall to her death on the bridge? Ohh okay, that turned out more interesting than I thought. I can see why Mia was quite traumatised with her first case, she was so close to revealing Dahlia to be the one that jumped off the bridge herself to keep that 2 million diamond for herself, and how she killed her sister and pinned it on Terry to stop the truth from getting out, and yet…Terry was so obsessed and taken with Dahlia that he chose to commit suicide instead, and it was by drinking poison from that bottle Phoenix had in the beginning of the first case in this game… That was honestly pretty saddening.

Bridge to the Turnabout Okay, initially, I was sceptical about this with the Iris seeming to be Dahlia thing and the temple stuff etc, but now that Phoenix is hurt and Larry wants Edgeworth to defend Iris, this seems like it’ll be a fun case! Like, sure, the court was dodgy enough to accept a paper attorney badge last time and not even recognise Phoenix’s imposter, but everyone knows Edgeworth is a prosecutor! How are they going to get around that? Loll. Swapping the judge out is a good idea to get around it, but I like the judge!! Well, the judges are brothers so I guess that’s cool hahaha. But yeah, I love the usual judge, he’s so silly, it’s hilarious! Anyway, lmao that the “blackmail letter” to Iris was actually Larry’s love letter hahahaha, he ended up scaring her away instead lollll.

Omggg Franziska vs Edgeworth?? I prefer Godot but I guess this match will be interesting. Hahahaha at the judge thinking Edgeworth looks familiar (since he’s the same judge that was in the Mia vs Edgeworth case back in the day) and Franziska insisting there’s no such weakling in the prosecutor’s office lolll. And then I love how the judge tries to get rid of Franziska’s whip but Edgeworth says she should be allowed to keep it since he doesn’t care lolll, what about the judge’s wishes?! Lmaoo at Sister Bikini (what a name btw LOL) being so short (because of her bad back) at the witness podium, you just see her eyes blinking hahahaha, and then they had to get milk crates for her ahahaha. Awwww Edgeworth is so cute to say he now understands why Phoenix feels so happy when he exposes contradictions in testimonies hahaha. Larry is hilarious, I can’t believe he was literally sketching for 15 minutes when the bridge was burning down instead of getting help LOL. It’s normal for Edgeworth and Franziska to insult Larry’s intelligence but lmao at even the judge saying he was surprised Larry actually witnessed an actual event loll. Gotta love how Larry makes every case he’s in more complicated haha.

Hmmm is Godot the guy that was poisoned by Dahlia?🧐 Is Elise Maya’s mother? She is!! Iris is Pearls’ sister??? Do they even know about each other?? Oh wait, now Iris is a twin?? Well, I was thinking that was the only logical explanation to the people sighting her everywhere and the extra psyche locks on the Sacred Cavern (where Maya is trapped) but I’m still surprised that they’re all actually Morgan’s (Misty’s sister, so Maya and Mia’s aunt) daughters! Ummm, if Iris’ father is a jeweller and he left Kurain village with the twin daughters after knowing that Morgan could never be the master, and if he gave Iris up to the temple and kept the other daughter… Does that mean Dahlia is the other sister and that’s why she really wanted that jewel in that case? Oh wow, Iris was a part of the fake kidnapping as well but somehow betrayed Dahlia causing her “killing spree”. Hmm if they stole the jewel as “revenge” on their father for how he treated Morgan (dumping her since she was useless to him), what was their plan exactly?

Hahaha gotta love that the trial has barely started and it’s already killing Phoenix since Iris just confessed she’s actually an accomplice to the murder! Well, the pendulum swinging the body back was pretty much what I expected even though it still kinda sounds rather far fetched… And I was wondering why Iris was weird, she’s actually Dahlia! I’m kinda confused at the idea of them being able to materialise Dahlia without actually having her body like possess someone? Since it’s implied initially that Misty was the one channeling her, but now that she’s dead, she’s still materialised?? I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but wouldn’t it be most likely that the one channeling Dahlia is actually Maya? And yep it was! I was thinking it was impossible for Pearl to have been the one channeling her since she already since she didn’t and couldn’t do it, so I was so confused haha. It’s good that Maya was smart enough to consult Mia and that’s how they were able to plan and get Maya to protect herself from Dahlia by being the one channeling her so that she wouldn’t be able to know that the one she actually needed to hurt was herself. That thing Dahlia kinda became when she was disappeared was pretty menacing, I feel like she would be back in a future game just because of how vengeful she is tbh.

Omg, the defence attorney Dahlia poisoned was Armando, the guy who was helping Mia out in that trial with Dahlia. Both Mia and him were still suspicious of Dahlia after that case so she killed him…. I knew it was coming, but to think that Diego Armando is really Godot… Like, don’t get me wrong, I love Godot’s looks, but I’m sure having to wear that visor to see things etc already kinda depicts how terrible his life must had become after the incident with Dahlia. Oh wow, Godot was in a coma for 5 years due to the poison… I never expected Godot to have loved Mia so much that he hated Phoenix for not being able to protect her whilst he was asleep. And I didn’t expect him to care so much that he made protecting Maya one of his reasons for living, since he knew that she was the most important person to Mia. It’s so tragic yet sweet… I didn’t think Misty, Iris and Godot all cooperated trying to foil Morgan’s plan though… Honestly, it broke my heart to see Godot trying to guide Phoenix to the end of the trial by himself instead of always relying on Mia. It’s true that he hated Phoenix for not protecting Mia, but Godot also hated himself for missing out on everything that happened as well, he felt like he failed as well. So having to see Phoenix point out that Godot was the murderer was so tough and terrible to witness, mainly because they all did what they did to protect Maya. Misty channeled Dahlia’s soul to prevent Pearl from doing it, but that meant it was up to Godot to stop her, and there was no other way to stop her than for Godot to have stabbed her at that moment. Although Godot doubts whether he did it for Maya or for himself (for revenge on Dahlia poisoning him), I think there’s no need to even think about it, even though he had his own sort of pride (for not telling Phoenix about the plan), in his own way, he did what he could to protect what was precious to Mia. And that honestly breaks my heart.

The other most surprising thing to come out of this was that in reality, Dahlia and Phoenix only met each other twice (when she used him to hide the poison and when she tried to poison him in the end), all the other times they met and dated and had a relationship, it was actually Iris trying her best to get the bottle back from him so that Dahlia wouldn’t kill him. Although, she obviously failed and that caused Dahlia to hatch her plan and not tell Iris about it because she knew Iris had fallen in love with Phoenix. Honestly though, I really wanted Phoenix and Iris to get together this whole time, so knowing that they used to be together was really nice. If only it was possible in the future too… I thought it was really cool and bittersweet how Phoenix and Godot shared a cup of coffee with each other at the end of the trial. I guess in a sense, he’s finally free since the case is resolved, but at the same time I can’t help but feel so sad about it all. Maya and Pearl are really strong for being able to keep up their smiles.

Honestly, I found the last case to be rather convoluted and boring because of the fact that I’ve never really been a fan of the supernatural element of the game with the Kurain channelling technique. The only times I liked them using it was to bring back Mia, but not really in an actual case, so that detracted points for me, and I guess also because Dahlia wasn’t a very interesting villain either. Dahlia is just like this ball of pure hatred for everything and everyone for betraying her and treating her like crap, and although it’s understandable, aside from her looks, there was nothing I liked about her lol. However, the last case definitely hit me in the feels the best out of all the cases in this trilogy, I legit wanted to cry because of Godot’s/Armando’s story and motivations, he was really relatable and I couldn’t help but really empathise with his hatred, his sadness and his forced acceptance of reality in the present. It was painful to witness because of how much it broke my heart. He is definitely my favourite character for this whole franchise. Larry and Mia being close seconds haha.

Overall, although I found the Maggey case and the Godot one lacking in terms of the case itself, most of this third game was great! I enjoyed most of it and really felt like it had the gist of what I loved in the first game so it was great to play through it! The psyche locks are still something I don’t like, but oh well. Honestly, I really wanted to play as Edgeworth a bit more but I guess I can play that other game with him as the MC? It’s on Android so I guess I can play it on that haha. I think my favourite part was being able to play as Mia, I really enjoyed getting to see more of her personality and how she worked her way through her cases and how much of an impact that first case had on her. She should get spin offs too! Tbh, my favourite case was hers with Edgeworth because just as it had an impact on them with the suicide at the end, I also found it very interesting and engaging with how the case flowed and how it ended up all going downhill at the last moment. I feel like it was a really refreshing take amongst the usual cases. All in all, I would definitely recommend the trilogy because it really is so much fun! I’m so sad that it’s over tbh, I hope they port the other games, I want to see more!! A lot of the things are silly especially with introducing evidence out of nowhere and all that, but it just makes the whole story so much more entertaining, so I think if you’re not crazy strict about how courts should be like and just want some law drama fun, this is probably the epitome of it, because I have to admit, it’s so satisfying to hear Phoenix and them shout “objection!” all the time haha. The dialogue is so witty, cool and fun that it really makes the game such a highlight with how the prosecutor and defence attorney interact, and you just gotta love the silly judge adding his random comments hahaha. I miss it already😭

[tryvyalsynnes]

Chapter two of Hawke’s Mabari is up on Ao3!

2. Arguing with Anders

“There are going to be puppies?” Fenris climbed down from the rock and crouched to see. The female’s belly looked like a regular mabari one.

“Yes,” Anders grinned. To the couple he said, “I can tell you how many and what they are if you like.”

The female eyed him cautiously and perked her ears, but Hawke’s war hound let out a scandalized bark.

Anders was beaming. “Let me help you unwrap the presents. I’d like to have the string; I can use it.” He opened their war hound’s backpack, pried the string off each package and tossed them to the she-hound.

She fell on them and ripped them open, demolishing the contents, crunching through the bones, shredding the paper to get at the blood soaked in it.

Fenris got a better look at her. Her muscles stood out in bold relief. She had seemed like a creature of pure power but seeing her close and watching her eat made him think differently. He and Anders shared a sidelong look.

The female mabari was starving.

She was thirsty too. Fenris opened his pack and pulled out one of his cooking pots, emptied a skin of water in it and set it down for both dogs. She scrambled to the pot and sucked in water. Hawke’s mabari waited politely while she drank her fill.

“She must be a survivor from the bandits.” Anders was still smiling. He was sitting on the rock again with a small pile of tangled string in his lap, picking out the knots. “She seems to by herself out here.”

“That battle was a while ago. What do you think she’s been eating?”

“My guess is the dragon we killed. That can’t be good for her. It must be putrid by now.” Anders looked at the she-hound, winding the bits of string he’d salvaged into a ball. “Is that right? Is that where you’ve been denning, sweetheart? With the dragon?”

The mabari female woofed, her ears flat.

Fenris felt sorry for her. He liked coming to the Wounded Coast and walking its trails, but he would hate to live in it. It was true to its name, a wasteland battered by storms blowing in from the sea. There was hardly any game. It was not safe either; riffraff of every sort were attracted to the caves in the area. “She cannot stay here. We have to take her back to Kirkwall with us.”

“Where will she stay? With whom? It can’t be Hawke. If it could be him, he’d be here in our stead. He was leading us, and he was first into battle like he always is. He probably killed her previous partner.”

The female mabari angrily agreed, snarling. Maric whined sadly.

“She can’t stay with any of us. You know how he is, he never knocks, he just barges in, and once he figures out what’s going on, he’ll try to meet her, because he likes to fix things. She can’t be anywhere near Hawke; she’ll have his throat in an instant. It’s a good thing she doesn’t hold us responsible as well as Hawke.” Anders looked at the female apologetically. “Although for what it’s worth, we’re sorry.”

“It is a shame. Merrill’s house would otherwise be perfect. She could teach them all sorts of things. She knows all the old stories and the puppies would enjoy the rats.”

“And we won’t take her to the Chantry. It’s completely out. There’s no telling how she or the babies will end up.”

Maric’s head jerked up. He huffed indignantly, outraged.

“Perhaps the Guards will take her in? The puppies will all become guardsmen and women. They won’t have the opportunity to be fostered into noble houses, but it’s not a bad life.”

The parents listened, their eyes and ears following the turns of the conversation, and then the female pointedly turned her back. Hawke’s dog looked from her to them, his ears drooping.

“Well, I suppose there’s no point in discussing it now. We can think about it later.” Anders set aside his string, drew his hunting knife, and held out his hand, demanding the rabbit Fenris had caught.

Fenris reluctantly gave it; he’d wanted it for their supper, not the she-hound’s. Anders butchered it quickly, skinning it and cutting it open, and threw it to the female.

The three of them watched her tear it into bloody chunks, devouring it.

“Go get us another rabbit, or a pheasant, or both. She and I will set up camp.” Anders crooked a finger at the female. “Come here, sweetheart, let me see that cut over your eye. It looks infected.”

The she-hound looked at Anders warily, licking blood off her muzzle, and crept closer, sniffing at the mage’s knees.

Fenris got a handful of quarrels and their crossbow. It was a simple hand-held thing with a bronze trigger, nothing like Varric’s Bianca. He’d bought it for them when they were without Varric, and he and Anders were good enough with it to be able to hunt, if the quarry wasn’t too far away or moving. He and Hawke’s war hound set off to flush game.

“Do not worry,” Fenris followed the mabari’s gaze. The dog was looking back at the camp where Anders was still coaxing the female closer. “He will talk to her.”

There was some dense scrub upwind near the water. It was the only place on the coast they hadn’t been, and if there was any game, it would be there. Fenris strung the crossbow and sent the dog into the bush.

Fenris knew his words to Hawke’s dog were empty; no matter what they said and did, the female would not come to Kirkwall. She did not know them. Her ears had perked when he’d mentioned Merrill and the possibility of an education for her puppies, but Fenris knew as soon as the she-hound learned about the mirror, she would not go anywhere near Merrill’s house.

A quail burst from a tangled mass of leaves and branches. Fenris shot it.

They had to figure something out. Mabari relied on their human owners or their pack for survival. The female’s situation would only get worse as she got gravid and less able to hunt for herself. Two days of their time was not going to be enough.

Fenris and the dog went back up the hill with their prize, Fenris trudging, deep in thought, the dog bounding ahead. Anders had their tent up and a fire started, and the she-hound was warming her belly. Her cut had become a ragged scar, and she was lying beside the fire with her head on her front paws, dozing. Her tummy was so full it looked stretched.

Fenris handed the quail to Anders, got a mug, mixed some wine with water, and settled by the fire to watch the mage work. Anders scalded and plucked the bird; soon there were pieces of quail frying in a covered pan. Anders made tea and cut up potatoes, an onion, and carrots.

Fenris added tea to his watered wine.

Hawke’s mabari was cuddling with the female, lying beside her, lifting his head now and again to touch noses with her. She kept drowsing; it had likely been a long while since the last time her belly had been full.

They did not talk about it, for the sake of the dogs, but it was obvious they were both thinking the same thing. Anders’ brow was furrowed, and he glanced at the dogs often while he laid out their bedrolls and hung his herbs to dry.

The situation was a quandary. They both had to be in Kirkwall. Anders had the clinic, and Fenris supported himself with mercenary work out of the Hanged Man; he spent his days there.

Anders held out a wooden bowl of quail, fried potatoes and sautéed veggies. It smelled delicious. Fenris took it. “Who has first watch?”

The mage settled down on the other side of the fire with his own bowl. “The dogs do, and both watches. They can sleep tomorrow.”

Maric’s eyes cracked open and his ear twitched, and then he rolled onto his side, heaved a sigh, and started snoring.

Fenris hoped it meant the dog agreed.

The quail was delicious, beautifully herbed and seasoned. For a beggar, Anders was a masterful cook. Fenris guessed Anders had learned while he’d been a Warden; southern circles did not teach cooking. Even in Tevinter, few mages learned anything other than magic. They could not afford to waste the time.

They ate in silence. The night air was still and warm, the sky clear; it was an ocean of stars. Fenris sat leaning against an outcropping with the bowl on his lap. The healer was sitting like he was, on the other side of the fire with his own bowl, relaxing, looking out to sea, but his smile had disappeared. He looked like he usually did, arrogant and impatient, as if existence was more trouble than it was worth.

Fenris sighed. Something about the day had been perfect for them, maybe it had been the weather, or having a mystery to solve, but they had not fought, or even talked much, only enjoyed themselves and each other’s company for once. He had just decided he needed to get away from Kirkwall more often, even if it was with the mage; he could remember few times when he had been as content, but the mage’s current mood reminded him of all the things about Anders he did not like.

The she-hound finally stirred, lifting her head sleepily. She got to her feet, and, with a backward look, left the fire. Hawke’s dog went with her.

The two mabari disappeared into the night.

Fenris tensed. Old fears made his hands shake.

Anders was easy to fight with; he was a blind idiot with no appreciation for logic, and he treated Fenris like an equal. Still, even after all the time he’d spent away from Tevinter, Fenris had trouble talking back to a mage.

To his credit, Anders waited a full minute and a half until the dogs were out of earshot before he started griping. “This is Hawke’s fault. He should have seen to this aspect of his hound’s life a long time ago, and then this wouldn’t have happened.”

Scowling, the mage stood and fed scraps and bones to the fire, wiping his bowl thoroughly with some dead grass. “She won’t come back to Kirkwall with us. She’ll have to be cared for here, on the coast.”

“I gathered as much.” Fenris’ voice sounded hard and cold even to his own ears. “You sound like you have issues with it.”

“I’ll make you a list of the things you’re going to need to get her through. You’ll have to pay close attention to her. I’ve heard Mabari pregnancies are difficult.”

“I have heard the same. You can blame the Magisters of Tevinter for it.”

Anders gave him a dirty look but refused to be distracted. “She’s been too long without food and clean water, and she has worms. You’re going to have to find a way to weigh her and then I’ll mix something up.”

“No, I will not.” Fenris put his bowl on the ground and glared up at the mage. “You will. It is why you are here.”

“I can’t. It’s not that I don’t want to; I have no time to spare for dogs. I have people to look after.” Anders picked up Fenris’ dish and wiped it too, tossing the fouled grass into the fire. “But if there are problems, or when she’s close, let me know, and I’ll come.”

“I will not come here alone, not regularly, every day at the same time. It’s too dangerous. I might as well look for Danarius’ slavers and hand myself over. You know I do not go anywhere without a group of allies, either Hawke’s or my friends, mercenaries like myself.”

“Oh please.” Anders scoffed, getting busier as he got angrier. The pan clattered when he flipped it upside down so the fire could burn it clean. “You talk about leaving Kirkwall at least once a month. We’ve defeated everyone, his apprentice, what’s-her-name—Hadrianna? He’s not going to come.”

“He will. If only for revenge, to scrape the lyrium from my skin. I’m sure I’ve become a significant embarrassment. He has to win.”

“But if I’m along to protect you, you’ll feel safe? If I didn’t know better, I’d think you trusted me.” Anders’ laugh was mocking. “This is new.”

“I will feel safer. You, I, and the dogs make four, which should be enough; we took Hadrianna and her underlings with only four. I trust you will not want to face Hawke without me or his war hound. You know I will fight to the death unless I’m captured, and so will the dog.”

Fenris was keeping himself in control, but his temper was rising; he could feel his face flushing. “It is not me who is needed here, it is you! I am only here as your bodyguard. You should feel ashamed. It’s not any animal asking, it’s Hawke’s war hound. He is our faithful companion; he’s fought with us, helped us, even saved our lives, and this is how you repay him? He has asked nothing of any of us in return, only this. Are you really going to forsake him?”

“Listen to me. I can’t be here. I have… things I need to do. The clinic—”

“No, you listen to me! When has the clinic ever stopped you from leaving with Hawke? Your clinic is almost empty these days; you said so yourself. You have the time, or you should.” Fenris glared. “What are you planning, Anders?”

“It’s not like I’d tell you.” Anders face was shadowed. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Correct. I do not.” Fenris’ voice was icy. “If you will not help, I will ask the Order. I believe Knight-Captain Cullen is partial to mabari. He might even lend me a capable healer, if a loyal one still exists.”

“Ha! He’ll just confiscate the dog, and you and Maric will never see her again.”

“And then she will get the best care possible.” Fenris let the hint of a mean smile show. “And so will her children.”

“Those puppies were fathered by Hawke’s dog.” Anders’ voice was like flint, hard and brittle. “You’re not going to raise them to be set on mages.”

“Is there another choice?”

“Damn you to the Void! You have no idea what you’re asking!”

“It will not be that bad.” Fenris wheedled, scenting victory. “Besides your care, the dog will need food and water twice a day. We only need to spend our nights here; our days will be the same.”

“Yours, maybe, but mine won’t.” Anders’ scowl deepened. “At night I help with the Mage Underground, and you may not be a target out here with me along, but I am. They’re still after me.”

It was a valid point. Anders was safer in his clinic, with his volunteer army and Darktown between him and the Order. “We’re both unprotected without Hawke. I swear I will hide you and defend you as you will me.”

“You’ll do one better.” Anders smiled; it wasn’t a nice smile. “I still have to find the time for everything I need to do. You’re going to help me get mages out of the Gallows.”

Fenris thought about it, staring into the fire.

Anders’ mad quest to free every mage in southern Thedas was the last thing he wanted to be part of, but Kirkwall was already a cesspool. Anders would help mages escape whether he got Fenris’ assistance or not. If it was the only way to get Anders to agree… “Done.”

“What?” Anders’ mouth dropped open. “Just like that? I expected you to run to Hawke the moment you found out what his war hound wanted. This situation is technically his problem, not ours. We’re making it ours. What are you getting out of this?”

“It is the right thing to do.” Fenris scowled up at Anders, daring him to disagree. “Hawke would do whatever he could, even if Maric was not involved. We can do the same.”

“You’re more likely to betray the Mage Underground than help. How do I know you’ll keep your word?”

“You don’t!” Fenris glowered up at Anders. “But when have I ever interfered? I have done more, I have gone with you and Hawke and killed on behalf of mages. All I do is disapprove, and I will when work with you, mage, you can count on it. It will simply be another assignment, one without pay. The why of it, the foolishness you are engaging in, is not my problem.”

Fenris could see Anders was angry. His skin was flushed, and his mouth was set in a thin line, but the healer didn’t answer. He was not looking at Fenris, but at the fire.

“Are we agreed?”

“I suppose.” Anders sighed. “I can’t say the day was wasted. It was good to get away for a while, and spend some time doing something other than… the usual. I love how you always make me feel like a cad.”

“You prioritize all the wrong things. Look after yourself. Do what you can and leave the rest to others. You’ve won freedom. Let it be enough.”

“It isn’t freedom if it can be taken away in the blink of an eye.” Anders scowled at Fenris but let out his frustration with a breath. “As you well know, but never mind. We still have to work out how and when are we going to do everything, where we’ll be staying, what we’ll be eating…”

“Tomorrow.” Fenris passed Anders the wine skin. “Tonight we rest.”

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 207: Close Encounters of the 4th Set

Previously on BnHA: Honenuki, Tetsutetsu, Todoroki and Iida were all put out of commission in one fell swoop. Seeing as Sen and Ojiro were already captured, this left the fate of teams A and B riding on Shouji and Pony’s respective shoulders. Although Pony succeeded in keeping her fallen teammates out of Shouji’s hands, she wasn’t able to get Shouto over to the Rat Principal Jail before time ran out. As a result the battle ended in a draw, which means that the classes are still tied with one win each. Over in Recovery Girl’s office, Iida and Todoroki took turns blaming themselves, but in the end the two of them renewed their determination to become heroes who put everyone at ease and rush to the rescue of anyone who needs it. Also they’re now best friends with Honenuki. Meanwhile back at Ground Gamma, the fourth set is finally about to begin, Tokage from class B is looking to kick some ass, and my son Kacchan is eager to start showing off for his excited green boyfriend. I am hyped.

Today on BnHA: Team BakuJirouSeroSatou takes on Team TokaBondoAwaKama as round 4 begins. We briefly check in with the audience, where Vlad King is being loudly biased toward 1-B and All Might is being quietly biased toward 1-A. We then cut to Team A who are obediently following Bakugou’s lead despite some obligatory grumbling on their behalf. Bakugou wants to go straight in for the kill, and the strategy is for him to take point while the others hold the rear and Jirou keeps her earjacks peeled for trouble. Trouble does indeed find them before long, as Tokage attacks with her self-amputation quirk, which allows her to split her body up into small pieces that can float around independently to do recon and harass people and so forth. Anyway, so while she’s out there pestering Bakugou, Bondo shows up and uses his “can spit out glue everywhere” quirk to trap the others. Bakugou blasts them free with an explosion, but it leaves them exposed, and Kamakiri from B Team leaps in to attack Jirou with his “can make swords from any part of his body” quirk. Or at least he tries. But before he can actually hit Jirou, Bakugou jumps in to save her. Because didn’t you know? The best heroes are the ones who both win and rescue, and we love character development here in BnHA.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my mostly-unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’m caught up with the manga now at chapter 223, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

wow, Colander Man

and Bakugou is what. chopped liver? not to mention poor Satou. you do know he’s another physical powerhouse right?

ah, Awase is jumping in now to defend their honor

I knew I liked you for a reason Awase. aside from you saving Momo and Bakugou’s lives

oh hey, it’s this guy!

I’ve been wanting to know more about him for ages! it looks like he shares a personality with Bakugou, which means I instantly love him. that says a lot of things about me, doesn’t it. whatever guys, it’s a manga!

hey what the hell is Tokage’s deal anyway though

like, what is this little scale thing that she seems to be floating. goddammit. I’m so curious about her and I already love her and it’s confusing

oh hey, interesting

this is the first time we’ve seen a map of the field. I wonder if that means it’s gonna be important to this match. imagine if one of the class A teams actually tried a strategy!

...okay that’s mean, and not quite fair to the first group (even if they did get in on the strategizing game pretty late), and then to Momo specifically and only Momo. but everyone else kind of just flailed around. I’m starting to think they might actually have gotten too used to having to adapt and react to things instead of being more proactive

anyway, Vlad is going on to say that class A’s one and only win was mostly due to Shinsou, and I have to say, he’s not wrong. however, he forgot to say “only win up until now.” key point there, Vlad King

lmao now Kami, Kiri, Aoyama, and Tokoyami (though he’s mostly silent but you can feel his support) are booing him

and Aizawa’s telling them to cut it out lol

what are you, picketing him?

oh Aizawa you’re so sensible as always

you see guys this is what I said. you haven’t really brought your A-game so far. well except for you Kaminari

noooo now he’s all “looks like Vlad’s teaching skills were a cut above my own” and his kids look PHYSICALLY PAINED

how is he such a good teacher, though?? like, this is the most gentle scolding, and he’s even shouldering the blame himself, but he makes it so effective somehow. he knows exactly how to hit them where it hurts without being cruel or hurting their confidence

and just saying, unlike a certain other teacher, he knows how to rein his students in when they start to get petty

Vlad? you out there? hello?

by the way has Monoma’s tie always had that weird black spot pattern on it?? that’s weird

(ETA: yeah I’m clearly not very observant lol)

lol at least class A has one person unabashedly on their side

THAT’S BECAUSE THOSE ARE HIS CHILDREN

plus, look, Midnight. everyone loves class A. they are plucky and determined and a couple of them have broken wings but they are on the mend and ready to rise from those ashes and kick ass and save the world and okay but frankly the idea of anyone not loving them is just absurd. in fact I would argue that class B has been performing so well today precisely because they’re up against class A and they just naturally bring out the best in everyone

but yeah it’s also just because they’re his kids. and mine, as it just so happens! Katsuki where are you though

(ETA: okay but lmao at All Might being all “I love everyone equally” and then not one panel later thinking to himself “GO ON AND FUCK THEM UP, YOUNG BAKUGOU.”)

;____; oh, cool. it’s okay. I’m cool. it’s just All Might thinking to himself about how he’s expecting great things of Katsuki. even though he is not his successor and he has not invested anything into him. meaning I can take this as confirmation that he really has adopted him in spite of that. he didn’t think ‘I’m expecting great things of you, young heroes!’ or anything generic. he specifically thought about Bakugou. the kid he’s chosen to be Izuku’s partner. okay guys actually it’s not okay and I’m not cool but I’m gonna shut up and keep reading!!

my boy always here to bring me back to reality. oh how I love you

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo slow! SLOWPOKES! !!!

lmao teamwork

in all honesty watching Bakugou’s leadership in action is always fascinating to me. because it works in defiance of all expectations. everyone’s always complaining about what an asshole he is, but they can also see that he pushes himself just as hard as anyone else. he’s tough, but he’s also fair. he won’t ask anything of someone that he wouldn’t also ask of himself. and because his classmates understand that, they’re willing to follow him

so here they are all grumbling about his attitude, and yet they’re going along with it all the same

lmao Bakugou you really have set the bar for cooperation quite low. good job on tempering those expectations kid

so now we’re flashing back to their planning session

that’s not much of a plan Katsuki. WHY ARE ALL OF MY SONS SO STUPID. hopefully his improved self-awareness will kick in and he’ll listen if the others make suggestions

(ETA: I’m sorry kiddo, I underestimated you. it was a simple plan, but effective. “go out and kick their asses and watch each other’s backs.” but what really made it work is the fact that he took point and they let him coordinate them. that’s something all of the other A Teams lacked aside from Momo’s team, and she unfortunately got cut off from the others. basically, the lesson to take away here is that good leadership can make all the difference in a situation like this.)

also interesting to see the hierarchy at work here lol. so these guys are “underlings” and “punks”, but meanwhile the enemy are “small fries.” not even deserving of more acknowledgement than that, huh

hmm, I’m not sure who’s right here tbh

I know Bakugou has never been the type to sit and wait, and he thrives on improvisation almost as much as Deku when it comes to strategy. but I do feel like if they had taken the time to make a plan to set up some sort of trap, it could have been really good

on the other hand, their team is powerful enough to make “attack head-on” a valid strategy as well. or so it would seem. but we all saw how that worked out in the previous match, though. so far pretty much every class A team has underestimated class B, and that’s proven to be a mistake

anyways I guess we’ll see!

and now it looks like he’s spotted someone up ahead, and he’s calling for the others to hold up

lol

yeah he knows you have a name, it’s Ears!

(ETA: and in fairness, the Japanese word for “ears” is “mimi” and I think it’s an adorable nickname tbh. I will be sad if he ever stops calling her this.)

at least he’s making effective use of her quirk though. maybe he does have a strategy

oh hell yesssssss look at Jirou being a total badass

the amount of mental processing that must be in play here with her having to identify all these sounds and distinguish them from one another and identify their sources and figure out where they are in relation to her is frankly incredible. it almost overwhelms me just thinking about it, so I can’t imagine what it’s like for her. much respect for Jirou, and Shouji too for that matter

but Bakugou is getting impatient and telling her to hurry it up

she’s saying “wait...”

oh shit

lol did you all fuck up somehow

oh damn

nothing to see here, just a floating disembodied mouth chilling out behind Bakugou

how come the others didn’t spot it if it was between him and the rest of them?

dude what the hell

TOKAGE YOUR QUIRK IS FREAKING ME OUT. WHERE ARE YOU. COME OUT HERE AND EXPLAIN THIS TO ME YOUNG LADY

how did the mouth know to dodge him. it’s only a mouth. how can it see or hear or have spatial awareness. why would you send a mouth out to spy on someone, out of all the body parts you could possible send

so apparently Tokage’s quirk is called “self-amputation.” clearly one of those quirks that’s actually much, much better than it sounds lmao

see, the eye makes sense though. I get that she can move her body parts independently, but how does it work when a mouth can somehow see stuff? or is the eye just floating high enough that it can see all the other parts so she knows where to move them?

(ETA: maybe this just works like Mighty Wings and Pony’s quirk and I should just stop questioning it sob.)

and now Bakugou is being pelted by a bunch of disembodied Pieces of Tokage

jury’s still out on whether I find this quirk cool or terrifying, but I will let you know when we come to a decision!

so Katsuki is thinking that they don’t pack much of a punch but they’re annoying because the targets are too small to hit

meanwhile Sero is setting up some sort of tape perimeter which doesn’t look like it would be even remotely effective, but they seem to have confidence in it lol

“there. now class B, you stay on your side of the stage, and we’ll stay on our side”

and now part of Tokage’s head is again shouting, “okay, all done!”

what is all done??

OH SNAP

CLASS B HAS A GLUE MAN?? COLANDER MAN, YOUR QUIRK WAS GLUE?! HOW DO THE CLASS B QUIRKS KEEP GETTING EVEN MORE AWESOME

so now the glue is dripping off of Sero’s tape barricade and they look pretty stuck. shit

Colander man says this was all due to Tokage’s plan

Bondo is such a great name. reminds me of Sero’s. straight up Engrish. I love it. and that is a damn convenient quirk

and here comes the Bakuclone now to enter the fray

isn’t this the same quirk as that lame doped-up mobster guy that Kiri beat in the Basement arc, before we got to the basement part of it? aww. I’m actually a little disappointed here; not that it isn’t a cool quirk, but when you’re competing with guys who can physically manifest onomatopoeia and shoot fucking glue at people and melt anything they touch, that sets the bar pretty high as far as creativity

wow, class A really managed to get themselves into quite the... sticky situation. ahaha. why are you looking at me like that

what even was the tape barrier supposed to do other than get in their way to begin with though

now Satou’s doing something inexplicable

protect them how, by miming that you’re in an invisible box??

oh thank fuck

this is one of the funniest Bakugou panels I’ve ever seen by the way

just. the way he’s still getting the shit beat out of him by Tokage’s flying amputated body parts. the fact that he’s completely facing the opposite way from where he’s aiming for no apparent reason. what are you even doing

having said that, that’s some damn good control. to be able to blast the glue away while not hurting his friends, once again without sparing a fucking glance in their direction, apparently? damn, son

I bet you Jirou could have blasted it apart with her quirk though if he hadn’t stepped in

fuck you, they didn’t need a shelter to begin with. and it’s better than being stuck in place and not being able to fight back at all

anyway so now he’s diving at them, and Tokage is shouting to take out Jirou first!

ooooooooooh

yes please omg!?!?!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

BAKUGOUUUUUUU

holy shit. he practically teleported there. he’s so fucking fast holy shit. class B never actually stood a chance did they??

also, Deku’s face though?? the way his jaw just dropped and he doesn’t even appear to have registered it? thank you manga gods for this glorious bounty oh shit

and now there are two bonus pages of BnHA smash featuring the Bakugou family oh lord what a blessed dayyyy

(ETA: I still gotta go back and do the rest of these which I forgot about from the previous chapters. you can clearly see where my biases lie since these are the only ones I didn’t skip lol.

also, this seems like a good place to put up my Mitsuki Disclaimer, which is that I love her but I understand that not everyone does, but I’d like to steer clear of any discourse about it if it’s all the same to everyone! my more in-depth thoughts about it are here just fyi.)

so first there’s a strip basically establishing the hierarchy in the family

poor Masaru. I like to think he has a spine when it comes to the important things, though. but clearly he’s not very good at laying down the law

and next up is a strip about Katsuki and Mitsuki waging war and tearing the house apart

(ETA: okay but can we all stop for a moment to appreciate that Mitsuki, who has no hero training and whose quirk is “glycerin sweat” which does absolutely nothing other than give her healthy glowing skin, nonetheless smashed a fucking table (??) to bits here with her fucking fist just cuz. new headcanon that Mitsuki was Rosa Diaz in a past life. what kind of woman doesn’t have an axe.)

ngl I like that she’s not intimidated by him. but “poor Masaru” certainly seems to be a running theme here

and lastly we have Katsuki angrily asking why his dad married her, only to instantly regret it as his dad nostalgically begins to reminisce about their romance

the second panel with Katsuki’s “oh shit” attempts to abort once he realizes what he’s done is amazing omg

Masaru: [loudly] “AND THEN WE HAD SEX”

also their cute lil blushes in the third panel are adorable

I appreciate the text saying “treat him kindly” because seriously, Bakudad is a precious cinnamon roll and he deserves love and appreciation

anyways that’s all for today, tune in next time, kids. same Bakutime, same Bakuchannel

[thejamesoldier]

Bucky & the Beast

Hi all! So this ficlet is for my darling friend Erin’s ( @theassetseyeliner ) AU Writing Challenge! I submitted a request for this prompt on her original post! Please go support her and all the participating authors who worked hard on their submissions :) Now onto the story xxx

Prompt #22: “You were an asshole back in high school but now you’re my boss.”

Overall Tags: a teeny weeny bit of angst, although mostly stifling fluff, some potty mouth language, spicy humor, s l o w b u r n but in ficlet form tho? 

Part 1 of 2

It’s not that you weren’t a nice person...on the inside, very very very deep inside. You just didn’t allow any form of slacking amongst your employees. 

And seeing as you not only own this multi-billion dollar company but also actively run it, you’re pretty sure you have the right to dictate everything that goes on under your nose when it comes to this business. You drove yourself into the grave to get this company where it is now, and you continue to work yourself down to hell every damn day to keep it as successful as it is. 

Of course you know most of your staff views you as a complete tyrant. Of course you know your nickname on all sixty-eight levels of your high rise company building is ‘Bitch’. Of course you know you’re often compared to Miranda Priestly, the star of Devil Wears Prada. Of course you know you’ve been harsh enough to earn some of that resentment.  

But you also know you have the undying respect of every major corporation in the world (which wasn’t easy to get since most of them are fat privileged older men who have too many cultural and moral deficiencies to count). The likes of which was solely earned by unignorable success, brutal consistency, and fear. You wished you didn’t have to be feared in order to be respected by some (most) people, but the ways of the world weren’t going to change that fast unfortunately. 

It surprised you at first how many people tried to take advantage of you, of your company, of your money, of your weaknesses, of practically everything they could manage to find. You were always pretty blunt and a bit maniacal about perfection even back in high school, but having been beaten by an ocean of manipulative greedy people for years now, wave after wave after wave, you’re pretty jagged and dulled to it. You’ve found the only way to survive in this business world is to always expect the worst of people. It keeps you prepared for every situation even if it is an exhausting way to live. 

Sometimes you worry if it is all worth it, but you then remember how much money your company is making and how all of it goes to support people, companies, philanthropies, arts institutions, and schools who need it. If the cost of good being put into this world is your warped personality, then so be it. 

“Barnes I need those write ups on the work Ms. Romanoff’s team did this quarter. I asked for final copies yesterday, why are they late?” You question your head personal assistant in clipped efficient sentences as you strut down the long stretch of a modern elegant hallway, the sleek double doors of your main office looming at the end of it. 

With your Prada high heels clicking sharply (if not a bit ironically) against the marble floor as you make your way to your gilded office, you scroll through an email on your phone sent from one of your board members while you wait for Barnes to put together an answer. The email consists of a polite reminder that you have a Skype call with Stark Industries this afternoon. 

As if you’d forget. 

With a punctuated scoff you burst into your glass office, not having to slow down your stride at all as Barnes moved with practiced haste to hold one of the doors open for you. You don’t bother with a thank you (even if you feel the manners your mother ingrained in you cringe and shriek in horror) but instead head nose up to your simple but stately desk. As you situate yourself behind it, booting up your desktop and quickly scanning some sticky-note reminders Barnes left for you the previous night before crumpling them in one ball and dropping them in the waste bin by your feet, you feel the very short leash you have on your patience strain. 

Without glancing up at him you bark out, “Well?” 

You hear the man clear his throat and know automatically that he’s preparing to take the fall for Romanoff’s team. Barnes always has had this habit to take the heat meant for someone else’s mistake himself, and allow whoever the guilty party is an extra second to fix whatever the problem was. It’s never effected the success of your company, so you’ve always let it slide. If you were being completely honest with yourself you know deep down that that’s why you’ve kept him around so long. James Barnes is the one person (okay maybe besides Natasha Romanoff) who holds the all time record of longest employment in your company. He’s also never been promoted from his place as Head Personal Assistant when you hired him into it a good few years back.  

He’s only craftily brought up the issue of never moving up a few times, not wanting to push his luck with you, but other than that there’s never been a word of complaint like other employees you’ve had. One day when you’ve finally been run down enough, when the world has finally sucked all the life from you, you’ve decided that it’s James who you’ll give the company to. Of course no one knows this, but you made the decision quite some time ago. 

“Ms. Romanoff had an issue with getting a closure on the deal,” Barnes starts up in his trademark baritone tenor of compassion, “She had all the finished documents written up by yesterday, it was me who failed to pass them to you.” 

Still you don’t look at him, but you do silently translate what he’s saying as you open up your email account and start sorting through your inbox for the most important emails. Basically, Barnes is saying:

“Ms. Romanoff had no trouble badgering the client for the final papers, it was the client who failed to turn in everything on time. And since you never blame the client, its professionally Natasha’s fault. So therefore she did not have all the documents written up yesterday but pulled an all-nighter to finish everything and send said polished summary of the transaction to me first thing this morning. I’m lying for her (and probably without her knowledge) because I’m an annoyingly considerate man with pretty eyes and a wicked sharp jaw who is used to your unforgiving nature and shall take the fall for everyone because I am this company’s sparkling hero.” 

Resolutely put-off with the very unprofessional way your mental translation ended up going, your mood sours sufficiently from its already foul natural state. You feel your face pinch deeper into its usual dissatisfied scowl. 

“It is very unlike Ms. Romanoff to have any delays in her work. Give her one of my warnings.” You say in a mildly bitter tone as you reach a hand blindly over your desk towards Barnes in silent demand, while clicking on an email with the other hand and scanning it halfheartedly at the same time.

A packet of paper is slid gently into your expecting fingers and as you place them on the desk space beside your angled keyboard, you hear Barnes tap his thumbs across his phone as he sends you an e-copy of the papers you were just handed. When the email arrives in your inbox with a ding, it serves as the only acknowledgment that you received the email. It also is simultaneously Barnes’ dismissal. 

Only when you hear your assistant sit down at his own smaller desk across the room from yours and start shuffling papers and things around, do you realize that you had automatically begun reading through the transaction summary he sent you. After you triple proof it (even if Natasha has never once made a mistake on her write ups), you forward everything to the cooperation partnering with you on this deal. Your trademark punctuality and promised results the only things that matter to you much these days. 

You cut a quick side glance across the room at Barnes hunched over his own pile of work and wonder if you said thank you the next time he held the door open for you, if he’d make a big deal out of it. With an internal scoff you brush your gushy feelings swiftly away and replace them with your self-made workaholic robot. 

Bucky’s patience with you is growing shorter and shorter each year, month, week, day, and second he works under you. Outwardly he’s mastered himself, but inwardly he’s been stewing and is quite near his boiling point. As he halfheartedly unclips a review packet from one of the company’s specialty divisions to go over before he hands it to you -- Miss Wicked Bitch of Best -- he wonders if it would kill you to say thank you when he opened the door, or maybe look at him when he talks. Bucky doesn’t even know what color your eyes are because he doesn’t think you’ve ever actually looked him in the eyes before. 

And sure you take him to all the fancy business galas and parties and soirees and events and fundraisers, but you always maintain this formal professional wall. Even late nights at the office when it’s literally you, him, and a couple janitors (hell, you’ve both even slept at the office before) you still remain aloof and unapproachable. It’s not like he wants to get to know you, because honestly you seem like a pretty lonely sad bitter person anyway, but it’s downright unnatural how little anyone seems to know about you. Even when he wades through his high school memories, all he can remember about you is vaguely labeling you an asshole. Which really doesn’t help your case. 

But if Bucky knows anything, it’s that no one is an unfeeling robot. 

Even if they pretend to be, even if they believe themselves to be, there is always something down there. At the bottom of a soul there is always a nugget of brilliance. Bucky knows you’re not oblivious to what people say about you, but he wonders whether you just don’t care or you’ve crafted it that way to wield as a tool. He’s not sure which one is worse. Either way he thinks that you could handle things a bit more considerately and still have the respect you deserve. Because if there is one thing Bucky has to admire, it’s your resilience and unyielding desire to see things through. Your dedication to the company and all the good it brings is your one redeeming quality. You also have never done under the table deals or slipped into black market territory, its one of the reasons Bucky hasn’t quit. This company is clean and good and successful. Which is saying a lot in this economy. You also never under pay or over pay your employees, and you’re brutal but you’re fair. 

And as Bucky’s thoughts circle back to stifling aggravation as he watches you type away unfussed and unpleasant as ever at your elevated desk, he goes to curl his hair behind his ear, per habit, to shake himself free of his thoughts, but realizes quite abruptly that he can’t. You had asked (well more like threatened and demanded) him to cut his long hair, claiming it ‘ruined the aesthetic and feel that this company represents’ and finds his aggravation churning into poorly bottled fury. Other people in your employment had long hair, I mean you didn’t really uphold any restrictions on hair, hats, head-dresses, or any type of clothing as long as you were put together. So it literally made no sense that Bucky was singled out. 

Little did he know you asked him to cut it because those dark luscious locks were distracting as hell and made him too handsome for you to be able to rationally handle. I mean you were around him practically 24 hours a day, bless your soul. You know it was a horrible play on power, and probably earned you a one-way ticket to hell, but you’d rather come off posturing and domineering than love sick or undisciplined. I mean he was just as good looking with it cut short, but you told yourself the short hair made it easier to ignore him as a man and see him only as your assistant. 

But much to your chagrin it really, really didn’t help.

“Barnes close out the rest of this meeting. Summarize it to me in detail on the way to the fundraiser.” You bark after you politely dismissed yourself from the Skype call with Tony Stark, the call on mute as you stand from your chair and crisply motion for Barnes to replace you.

Bucky grits his teeth and nods when you brush past him, trying not to let the fact that you assumed (as you always did) he’d be attending the fundraiser with you tonight and left him to clean up after you with the meeting pleasantries, anger him to the point of hysteria. He wasn’t your maid for Christ's sake, and just because he wouldn’t miss the fundraiser because of the opportunity to meet clients and business partners, why the hell did you always hitch him to your wagon for the evening?  

You exit the conference room with a blooming confidence and a rare small smile the second you’re in a private enough area to let the expression soften your face. The itch to go back in there and make sure everything finished okay spreads under your skin like a rash but you breathe and stay rigid with yourself, knowing that in order to properly groom Barnes for your job one day, you had to learn to delegate to him more than you used to. And closing out a deal, especially with one as important as Stark Industries, was major. Barnes is more than capable though, and a small part of you is...proud of him. 

You’re not sure when this nugget of utter blind faith in him started to become something much more complicated than trust in an employee, and developed into something dangerous. Dangerous like awe and adoration dangerous. Dangerous like fond dangerous. Dangerous like love dangerous.

The long clean leather seat of the limo separates you two. 

You give Barnes your (mostly) undivided attention as he dutifully regales the deal closure with Stark this afternoon. You’re scrolling through your email, then your calendar, then your messages trying to avoid looking up at Barnes. The second you spotted him in one of his gala tuxes, it’s your favorite one of his actually since he rotates through them (I mean you don’t expect him to buy a new one for every event, you’re not that unreasonable), you knew it would be a long goddamn night. The subtle navy shine of the tux catches in the corner of your eye under the dimmed lights of the luxury car no matter how hard you stare at your phone screen. 

When he finishes his report you nod your approval knowing that’s all he’s used to getting from you in terms of praise. With a knot of anxiety growing by the second in the back of your throat, making it almost impossible to breathe, you glance up at him from under your lashes. He’s mirroring you across the car, phone out, focus down, and body held with the formality you insisted be constantly upheld between you. 

The first thing your eyes land on is his exposed clavicle where his collarbone frames the base of his neck. In this rare indulged moment of weakness you allow yourself to wonder what the hollow of his neck would taste like, what would it feel like against the texture of your lips. With great effort you drag your eyes away from the tempting oasis of his skin to sprawl along the sleek dark navy of his outer coat. The button up underneath is a stark crisp white, accenting the tan of his skin and drawing your gaze back inevitably to his revealed skin. The first few buttons of the dress shirt are undone and the stiff folded collar is laid open in a roguish carefree type fashion. 

Since the fundraiser is more lowkey and relaxed, you don’t have the excuse to reprimand him for no tie, to demand he cover up that tease of skin and hint of peck muscles. No, you were doomed to suffer because the tailored pants did little to help either. The clean line of the material hugs his thighs, two long strong twin muscles that bunch a bit when he stands or sits down. You cross your legs as something heavy and hot settles in your core, startling you a bit out of the spell Bucky unknowingly put you under. 

A bit desperately you try to find a fault, something to pick apart, some straggling imperfection to prove to yourself that you are uneffected by this man. And you quickly realize you can’t because when you look past his attire, the naked allure of his features takes you by storm. His hair is as rich as ever, styled lightly to allow the slight wave in the coffee locks the freedom to curl away from his forehead and settle in a small wave atop his head. Strong brows stand guard over the softness of his eyes, the glacial blue of the irises protected further by a swath of sooty lashes.The straight nose and full generous mouth sit atop a sturdy chin, a gentle cleft runs down the middle of it adding to his seemingly endless good looks. His jaw as you’ve observed many a time is as sharp and wicked as ever. 

“You didn’t shave.” 

The observation escapes your lips before you could wrangle it back behind the bars of your clenched teeth. Bucky’s eyes jump up at you like you had yelled at him instead of spoken in a normal tone. But its then you realize that it wasn’t a normal tone at all, it was, you...you spoke to him softly --

“Um no.” Bucky answers a bit uncertainly, not sure where you’re taking this. You never comment on his appearance or attire unless it’s to criticize it. He waits inevitably for the verbal lashing.

When the lashing doesn’t come and you both just continue to stare at each other in throbbing silence, Bucky feels awkwardness lay like a heavy blanket over you two. It’s almost startles him when he sees that you’re looking at him. And not just looking at him, but looking him in the eyes. 

“It, It’s just a bit of stubble,” Bucky struggles out, trying to make any kind of sense of the current situation, “I thought since it’s going to be a more, um, relaxed atmosphere I could get away with it. I can go buy a razor and shave it off before we get there if you...want...” 

Bucky mentally kicks himself for offering, I mean how pathetic. But the stumbling words were better than the silence because for some reason the silence felt different then usual, it felt dangerous. 

“No, no,” You eventually say as your brain continues to churn itself into fluffy goo when Bucky shifts his phone and his bicep pushes up protestingly against the smooth sleeve of his tux. “It’s fine.” 

Without another word you lock down the vulnerability you feel leaking onto the canvas of your face and shove your gaze back down to your phone.You will yourself not to blush. 

The rest of the car ride passes in tense silence. It’s the most exposed you’ve felt in a while, to say the least.

The fundraiser has been going like all of them do: clinically well. Bucky expects no less when you’re in attendance though. The dinner wasn’t the best he’s ever had but he made sure not to leave anything on his plate weary of wasting food. You sat perched and cool as ever beside him, engaging in the usual articulate oratory games with the clients and business partners seated at your large table. 

Why Bucky kept expecting you to act different confuses him. He keeps waiting for something to change, for a small tiny hint that something has shifted in you, or maybe between you and him, he doesn’t know. Just something. And when you make him feel like a fool for assuming such a thing by acting the exact same way you always have, Bucky kicks himself. One weird conversation in the limo and he’s hoping for...hoping for what? 

With an internal scoff he tunes back into the conversation, and just in time because you hand the topic reigns to him in that moment and suddenly Bucky is leading everybody into his own oratory arena. 

You take a measured sip from your water glass as Bucky effortlessly accepts the responsibility of the conversation and takes it away. Being able to hold a conversation in a small meeting is one thing, but being able to lead an entire table of sponsors, clients, partners, and whoever else into complex discussion is quite another. You try not to let your pride produce too many butterflies in your stomach as you continue to sip your water and listen to the man beside you prove to you how very deserving he is of what you plan to give to him one day. 

“Ms. Y/l/n,” Bucky says as everyone starts getting up to dance when the live band plays something easy and fun for the guests. You turn towards him slightly in your seat and bring your glass down from your lips as an indication to speak. “May I go say hello to Ms. Romanoff and Mr. Rogers?” 

Your eyes zip over Bucky’s shoulder and land across the reception hall on the table where all your best employees are sitting laughing and enjoying themselves, some of them getting up to dance. For a quick beat you consider keeping Barnes all to yourself but know how selfish and petty that would be. You know Barnes is nearly sick of you. 

“Please,” You relent as kindly and professionally as you can manage, motioning with your glass towards his friends, “Go enjoy.” 

With a quick (if a little bitter) thank you, Barnes blasts away from you to join the merriment across the room. You heard the hint of potent distaste Barnes had having to ask your permission to leave your side and wonder if you’ve let yourself become to much of the monster you thought you had to be in order to be successful. 

And maybe it’s not just to be successful, maybe you donned a monster’s skin to protect yourself. 

You know that if you took away the pretty cool collected skin of that monster, a jagged scared furious soul would be revealed. A sigh and another sip of water is the only outward sign you give that broadcasts your constant inner turmoil. 

“Damn! Wicked Bitch of the Best let you go? Impossible,” Nat croons as Bucky plops into the seat Sam offers him as he hurries out onto the dance floor with a chick from accounting. 

“Ha ha very funny,” Bucky bites back as he relaxes down into the chair while pouring himself a brimming glass of champagne, chugging it all back in one go. 

Steve, sitting on his other side, raises his eyebrow at his friend’s large shot, “I take it business is done for the night.” 

Bucky places the glass flute down carefully on the tablecloth and rolls his lips in as he swallows. 

“Yep,” Bucky breathes, catching his breath a little, “I believe ‘Please, go enjoy’ were her exact words.” He states in heavy sarcasm as he runs a hand through his hair, pouring himself another glass. 

“How generous of her,” Nat allows before standing up and offering her hand down to Bucky, “And now something generous from me.” 

Bucky eyes Nat’s hand suspiciously over the lip of his glass. Natasha was pretty nice (if she felt like it), but she never gave out freebies. He follows the line of her arm up to her severe beautiful face. He squints at the look in her eye. 

“Dance with me,” She says with a roll of her eyes at his well placed suspicion, “It’s a thank you for covering my ass the other day even though I specifically told you not.” Natasha informs in jesting but fond reprimand. 

Bucky smirks at her, appeased, and takes her hand.

“No complaints here then doll.” 

Steve laughs as they zip off to the dance floor.

Watching Bucky with his friends, then dance with Ms. Romano -- with Natasha, that familiar haunting feeling that you know is loneliness begins to seep into your bones and saturate your soul. It’s loneliness that is so thick, so inexorable, you have trouble breathing. Trying not to make your movements too jerky as to call alarm you stand and make your way out of the hall. You’re intercepted a few times, making your final formal goodbyes and thanks, before heading out to the street. 

You call your driver and have him take you back to the company. 

It takes all your self control and dignity to keep from out right running to your floor. When you make it there about a century later, you burst into your moonlit office and shut off all the security cameras in it. That’s when you lose it. 

With harsh tears running down your cheeks and ruining your make up you violently through yourself into your desk chair and start going through files of successful projects. You slowly but surely remind yourself why your doing this, why life has to be so hard. All the good you’re giving to the world is worth something, its worth this loneliness...it is. 

It’s worth it, its worth it, its worth it, its worth it, its worth it...

You repeat this in your head as you continue to review years old projects and partnerships and lives that you have bettered. Though the tears and throat-wracking sobs never stop, you eventually convince yourself it’s enough. 

Bucky was informed first thing this morning by the front desk that the security cameras in Ms. Y/l/n’s office were turned off at about 11:30pm last night and have not been turned back on. Seeing as it’s only you and Bucky who have the codes to do that, Bucky wasn’t too concerned because the other cameras proved it was you who had entered the office last night. Bucky wasn’t quite sure why you felt the need for that much privacy but he shook himself free of the disturbingly instinctual urge to care. 

When he gets to the fogged-glass double doors and pulls on the sleek handles only to realize they’re locked, he hesitates in opening them with his copy of the key. Instead he finds himself knocking. 

“Ms. Y/l/n?” He calls politely, professionally. 

You jerk awake at your desk. Your head pounds with dehydration and the entire right side of your face is stiff and indented with red lines that make up about half of your keyboard. The desktop in front of you is asleep, the large black screen serves as a mirror to reflect to you your less than put together appearance. 

Your make up is a crusting mess, your hair is sticking out every which way, and your eyes are about as puffy and red as Rudolph's nose. 

“Ms. Y/l/n? Are you, are you alright?” 

At the sound of Barnes’ voice on the otherside of the office doors, a horrible twisting flare of panic lights up in your gut. Trying to remain calm, you stand up only to collapse back down into the chair because one of your legs fell asleep. 

“I’m fine Jam -- Barnes, just go do the morning rounds, please.” You stutter as you limp like Gollum (sans your heels from last night) across your pristine office to the private bathroom with a closet you keep extra clothes and things in. 

Bucky is near speechless and knows something is wrong now. You almost called him James for one, and even more disturbing...you said please. He’s unsure if he should leave you in such an obviously confused state of mind, but figures he’d only earn himself a punishment if he intruded or was somehow wrong that you were indeed having a, a moment. 

“I’ll be back in twenty to discuss the profits made last night.” Bucky found himself informing, not sure why he felt the need to give her a time to be ready by. 

What an odd feeling to know that for once, you weren’t thirty steps ahead of him. It’s the first sign of humanity he’s seen you display and it’s tripping him out. 

You listen carefully as his footsteps fade away down the hallway and you throw yourself into getting ready. Twenty minutes later Bucky knocks and you call him in. You can feel him analyzing you, looking around for something out of place, but you made sure to hide any evidence of a disturbance or weakness. 

Bucky finds you pristine and cool and severe as ever, and he realizes that the sinking in his gut is disappointment. Not that he wants to see you struggling, but for a sign you are more than a robot. That you trust him enough to reveal at least that. But you carry on normal and cold and Bucky reminds himself again to stop searching for something that isn’t there. 

“Oh god!” You shriek, you shriek, in surprise as you burst into a storage closet intent on finding an ink cartage (since you had Bucky in a minor meeting with the board, you know power delegation and all, and were more than capable of finding ink on your own dammit), and instead find Steve Rogers and Peggy Carter engaging in some...heavy petting. 

The two of them share your immense shock and separate like oil in water, cheeks, ears, and necks red as roses. They both wait for you to do something, but you continue to stand there like it was you who was walked in on. Slowly you walk across the small room, thanking every god you could think of that the ink cartridges were on the opposite side of the space than Steve and Peggy were standing in, and retrieve your ink with their eyes guiltily following your every move. 

Before you leave you heft a neutral glance over your shoulder and say, 

“Rogers those charts better be in four, and Carter if I don’t have those reports in my inbox by the end of the day I’ll be very displeased.” And with your face safely turned back towards the hallway you say with a little smirk on your face, “Excuse the interruption.”  

You hear the two collapse into hushed horrified laughter muffled behind the door as you strut back to your office with a poorly concealed smile on your face and the urge to giggle bottled up tight in your throat. 

Barnes returns from the meeting with a muted breezy expression on his face which you’ve learned to interpret that meant things went well. You listen to him summarize the meeting for you while pretending to read one of the charts Rogers just sent you on your computer. The memory of finding them in the closet this afternoon hits you hard and you have to cough in order to stop the laugh bubbling along your throat and tickling your tongue. 

Bucky pauses thinking your cough was a sign to stop talking, but when you glance side ways at him and raise an eyebrow he hurriedly continues on. It’s not until you both have settled at your respective desks across the room and Bucky gets up and heads to the printer stationed on a desk against the wall, that things start to head down hill. 

It’s not until you notice him fiddling with the printer making grumbling sounds of obvious annoyance (which you don’t find adorable, you don’t) that you realize belatedly that you still hadn’t put in the new cartridge. Wordlessly you stand, grabbing the ink cartridge off your desk, and head over to the printer. Bucky moves over and watches you take out the empty cartridge and drop it in the waste bin by your feet. And when you take the new one out of its thin box and plastic wrapping, you feel your resistance to the hilarity you went through to get it quickly dissolve. 

You stand frozen staring down at the ink for long enough that Bucky thinks you might not know how to put it in, even if you did just take out the old cartridge. 

“Would you like me to do it?” He offers as neutrally as he can, getting all sorts of weird vibes from the expression that keeps flickering across your down turned face. 

And you break.

It might have been Bucky’s words, or just the ink cartridge sitting oh so innocently in your palm, but it was most likely the vivid memory of walking in on Steve and Peggy. You start laughing. At first it’s under your breath, but the more you try to contain the sound the more out of your grasp it gets. You look up as your laughter gets more confident, brighter, and you find Bucky staring at you like you’ve finally lost it. Maybe you have because you burst into even louder laughter, the noise colorful and easy, falling into snickers when you need to breathe before returning with a cackling vengeance as you push the air back out. 

Bucky doesn’t know whether to be disturbed or entranced. It hits him hard then that he’s never actually seen you laugh, or smile for that matter. And not a business smile but a real one, the one you’re giving him right now. He finds himself smiling to, grinning ear to ear as he watches you collapse into infectious gorgeous laughter. 

“Oh god,” You wheeze as you try to mop up some of the tears from the corners of your eyes, but the words only remind you how you had shrieked them earlier and another peel of giggles wrings themselves out of you. 

Bucky is utterly speechless. He’s in complete awe. The woman standing before him is alive and vibrant and laughing. So this is what he’s been hunting for inside that cruel robot all these years. This is who he’s unconsciously been holding out for. She’s real. She’s here with him finally. 

“What,” Bucky stutters and loses his train of thought as you face him again and he’s left stupefied by the happiness in your face, how beautiful it makes you. I mean you were always beautiful, but in a cruel removed wave. Like you would eat him alive instead of grace him with a smile. 

“It’s nothing,” You attempt to recover through another giggle, “I just intruded on some, some frivolity earlier.” 

Bucky nods not satisfied in the least with just that, not wanting this moment to end. Not wanting this woman to disappear behind a maze of masks to a place he can’t reach. But the inevitable happens and he watches, silently mournful, as the walls come back up and the monster’s skin is pulled back on. With a sniff you efficiently change the cartridge and turn away without another word, your scowl returned to the throne of your lips once more. 

Part 2

And yes it’ll only be two parts...probably. lol. leave a comment in you wanna and your support is always appreciated! I promise to answer all my asks and respond to all my messages soon! xxx

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[higuchimon]

[fanfic] Rewards of Losing:  Chapter 25

He’s very pink. Ryou considered this Michael Arclight that Shou brought into the medical tent. Michael wasn’t much taller than Shou but they were clearly about the same age. His clothes didn’t look like anything Ryou had ever seen before, though they were a little grimy, and he wore a bright red scarf around his left arm. Ryou had seen those on every Resistance member – and now Shou wore one as well, his tied neatly around his right arm. A badge o some kind, he guessed.

He would have to get one as well. He’d made his decision.

“Big brother, this is Michael Arclight,” Shou introduced him as soon as they stepped inside. “Michael-san, this is my big brother, Marufuji Ryou.”

Micheal raised one hand in greeting. Ryou could see the calluses of a sword-wielder there. He’d seen it a few times during his first stay in Heartland, and seen it on Mizael as well.

“Pleasure to meet you.” Michael nodded towards him and Ryou returned it. He sat up in his cot, stomach full of that very pleasant noodle dish Mizael brought him, one hand resting on Kei.

He’d never thought it would be so pleasant to just sit here like this. He could get used to it.

“Likewise,” Ryou agreed. “I hear that you and Shou have been getting along very well.”

Michael smiled a tiny smile. “That we have. He’s a very talented Healer.” He glanced at Shou, who turned several shades of red. “Which leads to a question I would like to ask.”

Strange. Ryou hadn’t ever seen Shou go from red to white that fast. He suspected he knew what Michael had in mind.

“And that question is?”

Michael’s gaze flicked between the two of them. “Do I have your permission to court your brother as my Healer, Marufuji-san?”

Ryou hadn’t truly felt like laughing in a very long time. That question made him chuckle. One eyebrow quirked upward. “And why do you ask me instead of him?” Though truth to tell, he had no idea of what real courting customs were in XYZ. He’d never worried about it before.

“To be honest, I have no idea of what your courting customs are in Fusion,” Michael told him. Huh. Ryou realized he should have thought of that. “I thought it wouldn’t hurt. You are his only relative here, after all.”

I’m his only relative anywhere. Their parents hadn’t lasted much longer after Shou started to attend Duel Academia. But he saw no reason to mention that right now.

“Normally there’s a battle of some kind against anyone else who might be interested and of equal strength,” Ryou recounted, vividly remembering the day that Yuuri had “won” him. Four Healers, their own plants turned against them, shredded down into mulch. Yuuri told him with great pleasure that he’d used them to nurture his favorite flytrap – the sire of the tiny one that he’d given to Ryou.

The one that also had died when Ryou frosted over the Garden. Ryou wouldn’t miss it.

Michael’s lips twitched. “I think we can skip that part.”

Ryou nodded, then glanced at Shou. “I think what matters is – do you want to court him, Shou? And be courted by him?” They weren't in Fusion any longer. They didn’t have to go by the old rules.

Shou flushed all over again. Ryou hoped that they didn’t have to call another Healer for him. He could see Mizael trying hard not to laugh and not doing a very good job of it. Then Shou forced himself to settle down.

“I- Are you sure, Michael-san? I’m not really that good.”

Micheal delivered a stern look all out of proportion with his size and pink-ness. “I think you’re going to be better than you can imagine. And you don’t have to call me “san”. You can just call me Michael.

Shou ducked his head, staring downward at the floor for a second before he raised his gaze again. “If you say so – and – yes. I’d really like to court you – and be courted by you.”

“Good. Since I already started by cooking you lunch.” Michael grinned, probably at the way Shou flushed even deeper and stammered out a few words about how delicious it was.

Ryou caught Mizael’s eye. “Is that a courting event here? Cooking for one another?”

Mizael made a quiet little sound. “Oh, something like that. Why do you ask?” He seemed to be making a point not to quite meet Ryou’s eyes.

Ryou found himself smiling. “The noodles were very good,” he murmured. What did Mizael like to eat, he wondered, and would he be able to get it? He would have to find out.

“Oh, you said you wanted to properly learn XYZ, didn't you?” Mizael asked, Ryou nodded, and Mizael grinned a bit more. “My friend Chris – Michael’s brother – he’ll be happy to teach you. You can meet him later. Their other brother Thomas will probably want to duel you too. There’s a long list of people who want to.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Ryou said, turning his attention to Kei, stroking one hand through the short, thick fur and hard muscles. He wondered if any of them were kith or kin to those that he’d carded before. He’d never bothered to remember the names of his previous victims and now he no longer could learn them.

He would have to make sure that he never did that again. It was the best that he could do.

“Kotori is your official Healer, by the way. Apparently I’m too close to you,” Mizael said, nose twitching. “But when she says you’re strong enough, we can get you training with Chris and whoever else wants to duel you. You’re never going to lack for sparring partners.”

Ryou nodded, glancing over to the two cards on the table. Cyber Dragon Nova and Cyber Dragon Infinity. Both XYZ cards – and he could feel something about them, a sense of awareness, the same thing that he'd begun to feel about Cyber End Dragon. Mizael had indicated that meant they had spirits attached to the cards.

That was interesting and he looked forward to finding out more about them. But not now. Now he watched as Shou and Michael sat side by side and Shou told him what he’d been up to lately and promised that Asuka and Akane would be by to visit sooner or later. Healer Kotori wasn’t going to let him be overwhelmed by visitors and if she saw all of them there, she’d probably be furious at them.

Ryou didn’t mind. He’d always been a private person but now, he felt the need for a little companionship. Especially those who knew where he came from and didn’t care. He’d seen some of the looks that other Healers and visitors here gave him and he didn’t blame them. Not only had he been Fusion but if they knew what he’d done before the war -

Well, he didn’t know if Frostflames could be poisoned or not. He knew that Firestarters tended to burn out poisons before the toxins could really affect them. But no one he knew had ever tried to poison a Frostflame. Mostly because no Frostflames existed in Fusion.

Even if they couldn’t be, Frostflames were as mortal as anyone else. If someone tried to kill him, he wouldn’t be surprised. He wasn't going to let them but he’d not be surprised at the attempt.

He wanted to make up for what he’d done. But dying wasn’t going to accomplish that, and he’d always had a dream of having a duel so fantastic that no one would ever forget that he’d existed before he died. So far he hadn’t. But he wasn’t going to give that up. It might not happen until after the war – or it could be one he had going up against Yuuri. He didn’t doubt that they’d fight one another one day, and he genuinely looked forward to it.

Getting better took time and it took energy. For the first handful of days after he woke up, Ryou ate as much as he could, slept as much as he could, and slowly started to walk around again. Once he could do so without freeing the ground underneath him – he quickly learned that even when he did that, he never slipped on it. Frostflames didn’t slip, it seemed – well, once he learned that, Rio started to teach him how to be a Frostflame. It really wasn’t that difficult from being a Firestarter.

On the fifth day after he woke up, he formally met Chris and Durbe. They entered in the afternoon, settling in the chairs next to him and introducing themselves.

“If you want to learn to use XYZ, I can teach you,” Chris said, not wasting any words. “I’ve taught several people. Though I can’t say I’ve ever taught a defector from Fusion.”

Ryou shrugged. “There’s a first time for everything.” He suspected he was one of the first to change sides. He wondered who else back there might decide that the Professor wasn’t the savior they all thought he was.

“Then we can get started,” Chris declared. He gestured to Ryou’s deck. “May I?” With Ryou’s permission, he filtered through the deck, and started on Ryou’s first XYZ lesson.

Asuka poked her head into the tent, her expression brightening when she spied Ryou seated next to his bed, chatting with Kei, sorting through his deck.

“You’re looking a lot better,” she said, moving inside. A young woman followed her – that must be Akane. Ryou didn’t remember her much from the brief time they’d crossed paths in Fusion, but who else could it be?

“I feel better,” he admitted. Being reborn into the ice shattered every fear that he’d ever had. Now he was what he was – and what he was was a Frostflame.

Asuka nodded, coming over to sit in one of the bedside chairs. “What are you doing here?” She glanced towards the cards and blinked. “Is that XYZ?”

“Yes. I’m adding them to my Extra Deck.” Ryou touched one of them with one finger, admiring how he had enough control not to ice over the card. It hadn’t always been that way. But Rio’s instructions could be very precise and very thorough.

“I’ve been thinking of changing mine a little too,” Asuka admitted. “I sort of want to add Rituals to it, though.”

She’d always had a talent for those, even though most Fusion people considered them a second rate Summons method at best. But Ryou nodded. “If that’s what you want.”

He glanced at Akane. “What about you?”

The other girl leaped a little when he addressed her, dropping her eyes down. “I don’t know yet. I usually play a Rock-type deck. I’ve been looking at some of the ones they have here, to see if there’s anything that could improve my deck. I think – I like the Gustos. They’re XYZ.” She peeked up a little, as if looking for his approval. Ryou nodded.

“If it calls to you, try it.” Cyber Dragon Nova and Cyber Dragon Infinity called to him. He listened.

Asuka added her agreement. “It won’t hurt to try a few different options. I hear there’s another Summons method – Synchro. You might try that, too.”

Ryou had never seen a Synchro Summons. He wasn’t sure if he ever would. He would have to stay here in order to help the Resistance, but maybe one day, after it was over. He wasn’t sure if he was being too hopeful that he’d see the end of the war, but he liked having something to look forward to.

“Do you think Shou might change his dueling style?” Asuka asked. “He’s been having a lot of fun dueling other people. I saw him just yesterday going up against someone. He won, too. It was close.”

“I wish I’d seen that,” Ryou mused. He’d always enjoyed seeing how Shou developed as a duelist. But he would have more time. They had so many duels ahead of them.

“Ruri!” Dennis chirped gleefully as he greeted Ruri. Ruri waved at him, her thoughts more on the duel she would be fighting later against that former fusion Firestarter Tenjoin Asuka. Shun would be watching, as he always did, and he would disapprove. As he always did.

Well, he would just have to learn to deal with it. She wasn’t going to stop meeting new people and having duels with them because he didn’t approve, and the more they got to know the people who’d left Fusion, the more they would be able to learn. Maybe one day they would use that knowledge to stop Fusion altogether.

Ruri looked forward to that. She hated everything that the war had started and had taken away from her. Her eyes still tightened up if she thought too much about her parents.

But now she put on a gentle smile and chatted with Dennis, laughing at his magic tricks, and counting the time down until she could leave. Something about Dennis always unnerved her – the way he was just too chipper. She’d offered to introduce him to Shun as well and he’d turned it down. That made her twitch a little as well. She didn’t know what he had against seeing her brother. It could just be that he’d heard enough tales about how Shun had been in school. It wasn’t as if Shun didn’t have a reputation.

It probably didn’t matter that much in the end. Ruri suspected they’d cross paths sooner or later, and she did hope that she’d be there to see it.

The Night Garden was still beautiful. It wasn’t quite the Night Garden anymore – enough replanting had happened so that it was just a Garden now. Those Healers who needed Gardens of their own had their little spots and many of them were rebuilding their personal areas – nests, as some people called them.

Mizael hadn’t decided where his new nest would be. The closest he’d ever come to having a true personal Garden was the Night Garden, plus a few plants in his apartment. Those now graced his tent, and seemed to have made the change gracefully.

Now, however, he had something other than the plants to think about. He admired Ryou as the other strode into view. Today he wasn’t wearing the Fusion uniform. Today he wore black from head to toe, including a black leather trenchcoat. The only splash of color on him was the red scarf that encircled his throat.

Just the sight of him in all of that, but especially the Rebellion’s mark, sent flashes of heat all through Mizael. He swallowed a bit, working to keep his head together, and not sure how successful he was about it.

Ryou smiled at the sight of him – a small upward tilting of his lips that Mizael treasured. “Well?” He raised one hand to the scarf. “Christopher gave it to me.”

“It suits you,” Mizael agreed. He glanced at the outfit again. “You have a thing for black, I see.” And oh, did it suit him. All of it did.

“They called me Hell Kaiser at Academia,” Ryou said with a shrug. “It’s a bit of an image. But I prefer this to that uniform.”

“It definitely suits you a lot more,” Mizael agreed. Together the two of them started to walk side by side, heading through the Night Garden’s deeper areas, the ones that were far more like the way it used to be.

He smiled after a few steps. “This is where we met,” he murmured. “Do you remember?”

“I remember.” It had barely been two weeks, really. Two weeks and a lifetime ago. Ryou’s lips twitched ever so briefly. “And we dueled that first time.”

Mizael definitely remembered that. He’d had to fight for that win – he’d never even heard of Fusion before that, at least not as something that people used. A historical thing, if it had been used at all. But now it was something so much other than that.

“I could never forget.” Mizael grinned. “And I won.”

“Not many people have that distinction,” Ryou told him. “I look forward to a rematch – a true one.” He rested one hand on the deck he carried. “I have a few surprises in here now.”

Mizael licked his lips, his heart-rate picking up. “Did you bring your duel disk with you?”

“I did.” Ryou caught Mizael’s eyes, blue to blue. Both of them slowly smiled at one another, taking a few more steps. Up ahead was one of the training areas, set a short distance above the rest of the Garden. Without a question passing between the two, they headed over there.

“This was the same one we fought on, wasn’t it?” Ryou mused, eyeing it. “I think it is.”

“You’re right,” Mizael agreed. A suitable place for a second match, they both knew. Something just between the two of them, something only they would see.

Mizael took his place as Ryou took his. Each shuffled their deck and drew their cards, ready to play. For the first time since the war began, Mizael knew he was going to enjoy a duel. Ryou looked more intense, but not as tense as he’d been that first time. And, of course, there wasn’t any Yuuri watching with smug superiority.

Monsters were summoned, spells cast, traps laid and triggered. Ryou examined his cards, then quickly summoned Cyber Twin Dragon, then canceled the fusion, resulting in two Cyber Dragons on his field. He examined them with a careful eye. Then his gaze flicked to a scrap of space, that might look empty to his eyes, but his heart told him contained something else altogether. Maybe he couldn't see it, but he saw Mizael’s smile and that was good enough for him.

“With my two level five Cyber Dragons, I construct the Overlay Network! From the deepest depths of space comes the new heart of my deck, the soul of my future! XYZ Summons! Appear, Rank Five, Cyber Nova Dragon!”

The End

Notes: Well, here we are at the end. Ryou has received his reward for his initial loss – he’s lost his world and everything he had there and will spend years fighting Fusion. With his brother, his friends, and his Healer-boyfriend. One day I will write a sequel but that day is not today. I will write more Ryou/Mizael in the future, in other Aus. I’ve learned to love them so very much.

[opalescentsquare]

Uh I

I have a theory

Also, tag for somewhat mentions of suicide below

Spoilers for Undertale Below! Do no proceed beyond this point!:

So ya know In the Undertale Pacifist Run, Flowey goes fucking awol and is intent on killing the player in order to take the human souls and become a God.

But eventually by the end of the Neutral Run he gets defeated. You see him laying like a corpse there by the end while you’re given the chance to either kill him or spare him.

If you’re doing the true pacifist run, you would spare him and Flowey would throw a tantrum asking why the player was being nice to him, why hadn’t the player liked him, why has the player not taken the chance to get rid of something that has been causing them torment and pressure ever since they fell into the underground. Why was Frisk... sparing him..? When no one else would...?

Somehow he has the ability to grow legs, then runs away from the player and it would end the neutral run. Those who played the rest knows how it ends - Flowey would return by the end allowing the player to return to the game and reach the true pacifist route, every last thing is mentioned, everyone but Flowey himself is completely saved.

But if you decide to proceed by killing Flowey, when you choose FIGHT instead MERCY... Flowey is surprised. It’s like.. like he knew it would come some day. That someone with a powerful human soul like Frisk would either fail and give Flowey the chance to escape and become the True GOD, the human would die at the hands of Asgore, leaving another human soul for the monsters to break through the barrier and take forth the surface, or the human would succeed in killing Asgore, escape the underground themselves, and leave the monsters - including Flowey - begins. To Flowey, each ending - besides him becoming a God - seems like a bad ending. At least for him. And here’s my theory.

Flowey knows each of these is a bad ending, because not one of them ends nicely for him. We know Flowey is a heartless and cruel creature, right? He tries to kill Frisk just as the human falls down, he whispers horrible messages into Papyrus’ head, he bets Muffet - knowing she’ll probably accept for the future of spider kind - a huge span of money if she was able to get your SOUL.

The previous endings about - none of them are beneficial for Flowey. The human dying at the hands of Asgore could be beneficial, but that would only be if Asgore would be at low health, and Flowey would be able to kill him and take his soul. Obviously that wouldn’t be the case since Asgore won the battle - meaning Frisk most likely didn’t fight back. And with the monsters breaking free, with them breaking through the barrier, with them finally becoming free and escaping their long held prison, no one would ever think to find Flowey, pick him up and take him with them. Not after all he’s done.

The other ending - where Frisk kills Asgore instead and takes his SOUL and leaves the underground - resulting in a neutral run - means that Flowey (along with the other monsters) would continue to be stuck underground. We remember the end of the genocide route, right? Where Frisk kills Flowey? Since Flowey can activate things such as the Save Files and the ability to load and reload, and the fact that he basically described the fake meaning of love just to gain some from Frisk and get their soul, that Flowey knows how much LV Frisk has. That Frisk is so far gone that he knows Chara probably wouldn’t answer him if he tried. Still, he tries to gain Chara’s attention, tries to give Chara the idea of sparing him, give them the idea that if they were to spare him, they would get more help then needed and they could be partners once more. However, Frisk doesn’t allow it as they force Chara to kill he brother until he is nothing but ashes. So since we already know how Flowey would react to Frisk if they were to go genocide, we know he would be nervous and anxious around them if they were neutral. Flowey knows that since Asgore didn’t collect the human soul, that Frisk has hsir soul intact and is able to escape the barrier and return to the surface with both their and Asgore’s soul, that Flowey wouldn’t stand a chance against them. Therefore, Frisk returns to the surface and Flowey is left down with the other monsters once again as Undyne takes rule.

So obviously this doesn’t make a lot of sense and you’re asking me stuff like - how does this add up? Why does this matter? What is your point? My point - my theory is that - Flowey wants to die.

Now before you fight me on this, I have evidence:

By the end of the Pacifist/Neutral Run, we see Flowey generally confused when Frisk spares him. He begins to question the child’s actions, only to become more harsher to the point of threatening Frisk that if they weren’t to kill him now, just to think of all the awful stuff they could do in the future. How much pain and misery they could bring to others. How much sorrow they could cause in Frisk’s life, and how they could easily gain the human souls and make Frisk’s life hell once more.

Not only this, but Flowey speaks of himself awfully as if... he’s used to it. We know he isn’t here anymore, he’s dead, and all that’s left is a sorrowless, soulless husk inside of a plant body. Plus, with the amount of time since his death, with the amount of time the monsters have been underground, Flowey has seen enough humans fall down, enough times trying to gain their souls, that he’s probably used to being called an evil flower. That he’s so used to it, that he himself has started calling him self a murderer, a vengeful killer, a genocidal maniac. So using that to get Frisk to kill him wouldn’t bother him in the slightest, believing that with enough pushing Frisk would decide to kill Flowey and spare the lives of the underground by getting rid of the demon once and for all.

But reread what is said again, because I’m about to make sense of it all as I possibly can: It seems as though that Flowey might have some human left in him, but that’s not the case- the method up above is Flowey’s own way of persuading Frisk to kill him. To not help the underground, but to help him.

Before I explain more, another piece of evidence would be in the final moments if you decide to kill Flowey rather than spare him. Once you pick the choice, Flowey smiles brightly - almost sadistic - and cheers Frisk on with a cheery “I knew you had it in you!”. Flowey seems to be satisfied and somewhat proud that Frisk has made the decision to kill him.

And finally the last piece of evidence would be his last words by the end of the Pacifist run. Once he frees all the monsters and destroys the barrier and gives everyone their own soul back, he explains what will happen after everything he just did - “In a few moments I’ll go back to being a flower. I’ll lose the ability to love other people.”. He makes it known that it was awful being a flower - and understandably from what has happened so far, it probably is. When we all first met Flowey, when he showed his true intention, we thought of him as this evil prick of a flower. This heartless bastard with no sympathy or care for anyone in the world. And although Flowey might not care for that, although he might be used to it by now, you know who would care for it?

Him. Asriel Dreemurr.

We know that from the use of the genocide ending, when Asriel reveals he is Flowey and begs for Frisk not to kill him, that Asriel probably still has consciousness inside of Flowey’s body. And at the Pacifist ending, he reveals that he knew what was happening throughout while a flower and even knows enough to describe it as awful and horrible. How horrible he was - how Flowey was - to the ones he loves and cared for. So, during his time in the underground along with the falling of the human children, Flowey has probably heard enough slurs and back talk from Toriel who saved the children from Flowey, has heard slurs from Sans. And although it may not bother him as much, if Asriel may still have some consciousness inside of him, then Asriel can hear what they’re saying. Of what they’re saying about Flowey - about him.

Since Asriel sees himself as Flowey, then he would probably think that those slurs and insults are being directed at him, which sort of, they kind of are. And do you know how much pressure, how much harm that could do to a child? A child thst’s already been deprived of their future, of a lifetime of memories and been forced into the life of a soulless being. Can you imagine how Asriel might feel to hear his mother speak of him like that? To hear his past friends, speak of him like he was nothing?

There is no denying it that Asriel could have cracked while being Flowey. No one has observed it because Flowey always hides out until Asgore’s battle where he kills him and takes the souls.

So it would make sense - and don’t take this out of context - for Asriel to believe this way. To believe that he deserves to be killed; for all the crimes that’s been done to his family, his friends, his subjects. All the pain he - as Flowey - has put the entire underground through. Asriel could most likely blame himself for the death of the human children that fell down - Asgore started killing every human child that fell down because of the grief over his children’s demise. That much pressure, that much grief and regret, it’s no wonder Asriel might be feeling these things.

And once the final child falls down, once Flowey’s only resolution is to take their soul instead and become god otherwise his existence is pointless, once Frisk wins against Flowey, once Flowey sees that Frisk still has their soul intact...

Flowey gives up. He gives up his “life”, his journey, his mission to become a god. He doesn’t believe it’s possible anymore. The human child won. The child was able to survive every possible throw the flower launched at him, no matter what the child went through, with DETERMINATION they were able to succeed. And with that, Flowey has no choice.

By that time, after all the SOULS escaped from his body, after his omega form completely trashed his “body”, he’s too weak to even fight against Frisk. Sure, throw a couple of insults here and there, but no real physical fighting occurs. That’s because Flowey gave up, he gave up on trying to fight against Frisk, he accepted that Frisk won and thought that for victory, for the safety of every monster in the underground, it would be safe enough to kill him right then and there.

And yet, Frisk allows Flowey to live on, to which Flowey’s obviously confused. But for what exactly? What else is there to live for? He failed at his goal to become all-powerful, and to have that all soiled by a stupid child that fell into the underground by accident, a child that Flowey could have had the SOUL of, could have become powerful with and escape the underground, could have severely damaged his pride. And by this point, Flowey knows what happens now. Frisk will either leave the underground with the monster king’s soul, or bring the entire monster community with them and free the underground. Without Flowey. Flowey will be alone, and this time for good.

But Asriel. Asriel probably feels like he deserves this. Like he deserves to be killed. With all the regret that’s built up inside of him, all the rage he let out during the Omega Flowey battle, probably left him numb and dull. He didn’t decide to fight back against Frisk anymore, he just wanted to end it all. He’s rather be dead then be hated and abandoned and left alone forever once again. And to have a human like Frisk, SPARE someone like them. It could do a lot to Asriel. And all that emotion Flowey felt, and since Flowey’s a heartless being, it’s most likely some of Asriel’s traits popped through. It’s possible Asriel was too shocked and confused by Frisk’s choice that he couldn’t take it. He had to run away.

Now, I could be completely wrong on this. But this is just. A theory of mine and I have no intention of it being real or fake. I honestly don’t care.

[bastionkeeper]

Here's some more as requested, I'll try to write an ending sometime soon but for right now I need some coffee and mindless activity ajdjwjdj

"You know, I don't feel entirely comfortable testing it this way," Aziraphale said.

"We've done every other way, haven't we?" Crowley asked. He held out a hand, and winced slightly as a faint hint of scales broke out across his arm only to fade back to skin. "Test results seem conclusively… well..."

Aziraphale sighed, and handed Crowley the thermos he'd been holding tight to his chest. 

They both walked over to the table, sitting on the couch in tense silence. Crowley opened the thermos, poured a fair portion of the contents into the lid, and then with his teeth set and face drawing into a wince he placed one finger inside the cup of holy water.

"It… stings a little," he said after a moment. "Like sunburn."

"Good lord…" Aziraphale clutched at his chest.

"I think I might be… human," Crowley said in disbelief.

They decided to discuss the matter further, but after they'd poured themselves some wine. Crowley seemed shaken, and Aziraphale couldn't blame him.

"Have you maybe… crossed paths with any sort of exorcist or demon hunter?" He asked.

"Not that I can think of," Crowley said. He was drinking heavily, ahead of Aziraphale by two glasses already. "In fact, all I can think of, is that I've gone and fallen twice."

"What do you mean?"

"Well think about it," Crowley said. "Bad angel? Falls from grace, becomes a demon. Bad demon? Usually gets killed or tortured and well… I'm not on the rack am I? So maybe they got creative. Found a way to… give me my walking papers."

"I've never heard of such a thing," Aziraphale argued.

"And they'd never heard of a demon immune to holy water, things change, we changed 'em," Crowley said, pouring himself another glass. "I'm a special case."

"Well, I haven't been punished in anyway," Aziraphale reminded him. "Don't you think if this was because of our stunt, I'd be human too? Or a demon at least?"

"I dunno, angel," Crowley sighed, tongue catching on the last word and an unpleasant thought clearly crossing over his face.

"What?"

"Nothing," Crowley drank deeply, noticing that for the first time in thousands of years he couldn't feel his partner's angelic aura, that beacon of holy energy he'd followed to the source whenever he thought the angel might need a hand out of trouble. Crowley lifted a hand and studied it closely, wondering when exactly humans started to age and how they knew it was happening. Humans, and their short… their minuscule  lifespans. 

Eventually, they were too drunk to have any ideas worth humoring, but only Aziraphale was able to sober up about it. Crowley, finding himself unable to clear his head, gave a cry of frustration and decided he may as well just keep at it then and let Aziraphale handle the planning. He felt useless, he felt wasted in more ways than one, and he felt so frightfully… fragile.

At some point, he also felt a pair of familiar arms carrying him to bed. 

When he woke he was hungover, and there was nothing he could do about it except take painkillers and retch into a trash can.

"I made you some breakfast, dear," Aziraphale said when Crowley entered the kitchen looking like death (he would know, he'd seen death themselves before). 

"Rather not," Crowley said, feeling sick at the idea of needing to eat and also just food in general considering the previous retching.

"I think…" Aziraphale said carefully, guiding Crowley to the table and setting a mug of coffee down before him. "... as long as you're like this you should try and take care of yourself. I think perhaps living like a demon might not… might not be best for this body."

Crowley grunted, and picked at his food, reluctantly giving in to the hollowness in his stomach.

If Crowley was scared by this change in anyway, Aziraphale was terrified. He hovered around Crowley all day reminding him to drink water and get rest, to not smoke so much anymore and eat regularly. He had absolutely forbidden driving, now that the demon could no longer bend the road and its occupants to his will the Bentley was the death trap it had always strived to be. All it took was one close call for Aziraphale to pat Crowley over looking for broken bones.

Eventually, Crowley got sick of it. It was sweet at first, but no amount of sweetness could change the fact that every second he spent with Aziraphale was a reminder of his possible mortality.

"Leave me be, you irritating bastard!" He'd hissed, or rather said in an angry manner whilst trying to summon his hiss of old. 

"Crowley!" Aziraphale somehow managed to say his name with such an even mix of outrage and concern that it only made him feel worse. Crowley waved him off, and headed for the door.

"I'm going to get some air," he said. "Maybe I'll trip into a puddle and drown! If I'm so lucky."

He regretted the jab at Aziraphale's fretting and the fatalistic comment as soon as they'd left his mouth, but demons weren't ones for taking back hurtful words.

He… wasn't quite sure if humans were. They were a bit more varied.

Aziraphale let him go, understanding his frustration. Besides, he really should be focusing on a more long term solution. Worrying over Crowley only distracted him from finding out what had caused this sudden case of mortality. 

Crowley went home and yelled at plants that could no longer hear him, poured himself a few drinks he'd have to wait out, and paced around his flat like a caged tiger.

He sat on the floor in front of his couch, leaning back against it with his head tilted back and his eyes closed, and he focused hard on whatever demonic energy could still be lurking in his body. 

He found nothing, not even a trace of it, and at first that was enough to throw him into a miserable state where he remembered all the times he'd wished he wasn't a demon and laughed a bit bitterly about it. Then, as he often did in moments of crisis, Crowley thought of something new.

Instead of looking inward, he stretched his search outward. He looked for the familiar sensation that was… well, the closest thing he had to a soul really.

For a long while he was just a human sitting alone in the dark with his eyes closed looking like an idiot, and then he felt it.

There was a pull, somewhere not too far. He felt a whisper that slowly grew into a screaming demand, something that yanked on his heart until he thought it would pull straight through his chest and kill him.

He opened his eyes, suddenly aware of the steady trickle of blood coming from his nose. He tried to snap it away at first, forgetting himself, and then walked swearing to the bathroom for a towel instead.

There was a knock on the door as he tried to fend off the nosebleed, and when he answered it he found a surprised Aziraphale on the other side of the door.

"My goodness, what hap-" Aziraphale cut himself off, remembering Crowley's anger st being coddled earlier. 

Crowley sighed. He hurt everywhere. Humans bodies have so much pain, and he'd already had pain to spare. Falling tends to leave a mark, one that seemed to have translated into a chronic ache in his human form. He was bleeding, he was aching, and he was tired. 

"Could you…" he sighed, removing the balled up wash cloth from his face, not caring that the blood started dropping back down his face and onto his shirt. "... could you help?"

Aziraphale nodded, and reached out a hand. He lay it on Crowley's cheek, and the blood miraculously stopped. 

"Let's get you cleaned up," he said softly.

Crowley let Aziraphale direct him around the flat, washing the blood from his face and changing him into a new shirt. Pajamas to be precise, once he saw how Crowley was starting to sway and yawn. 

"Stay," Crowley said, wrapping arms around Aziraphale's neck and leaning heavily against him. "I'm sorry, please stay."

"I'm not going anywhere," Aziraphale said. "But before you fall asleep on the spot here, I came over because I have news."

"Mmh?" Crowley opened one brown eye. "Me too actually… you first."

"Well I called that nice young woman with the bike and inquired about our situation, and she offered to scry for your demonic essence and-"

"It's still around, somewhere nearby, yeah," Crowley said. "Felt it earlier today myself." 

"She suspects maybe, someone has attempted to harness your power," Aziraphale added. "She got a rough location and I was going to take us for a look… first thing in the morning I think."

Crowley rolled his eyes but Aziraphale was too comfy, how was he supposed to get up the energy to argue?

Aziraphale joined him in bed despite having no plans to sleep himself. As he held Crowley, he thought about the other plans he'd made. 

It was possible for an angel or demon to do this to themselves, to remove the thing that made them immortal and live out the rest of their lives until their final conclusion. Aziraphale had been certain that if Crowley was stuck this way then he would be too. It would be too lonely, a table for one and a big empty bookshop with only himself to talk to.

He ran his fingers through Crowley's hair, and thought about golden snake eyes. 

before waking up to human-looking eyes, Vrowley starts to feel rather tired and sometimes even hungry, but he ignores it, thinking he's just imagining things, and it goes away for a while...

Someone! Write this! Please! Akdhakdbak

[agitatedcervine]

Character Development Questions: Hard Mode Answered, OC: Ender

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with? Yes; all of his four other siblings. He is closest to one sibling in particular; Emborallas, the eldest kit of the litter and is referred to as big sis. 

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like? He was very close to his mother. She was that tough sort of mom that inspired him, although she expected a lot out of him from a young age and sort of stressed him out a bit. 

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like? Ender loved him. If he had anything that he felt he couldn’t tell his sis he’d run to his father right away. His dad always had wise things to tell him and offered advice in times of need. 

Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know? Well he has been alive for 6,404 years so he’s seen his fair share of messed up shit and inspiring fluff. One of the most traumatic things he’s seen are his entire family’s genocide, his ex-boyfriend’s torture victims, previously mentioned ex-bf’s murder by Ender himself, his kits deaths, his daughter turning on him and nearly killing him and his adoptive “parents” execution. Some of the listed things have been seen by close-friends, comrades, acquaintances and family. 

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets? No pockets but he does carry a necklace around all the time.

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams? Family, happiness, sense of achieving greatness.

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares? For-mentioned dead family members, Endria; the Empress.  

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target? Guns don’t exist in this universe. 

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up? Well at first Ender was a sheepish and timid kit that could make a couple good jokes here and there, he became more introverted and dislikes as he began growing through the teenage stages of his life. When he reached full adult hood he became more opened up and social, out-going. 

Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing? He doesn’t really like clothing so less clothing. Clothes aren’t really a requirement in most societies of this universe so his behavior isn’t seen as lewd. 

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been? When he stanced off against Endria the first time. 

In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been? When he met his former mates and present mate. Seriously, every single time he was just embraced by blinding bliss, peace, and dorkiness. 

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way? Not at all, he’s seen far too much of it in the time he was alive. 

Does your character remember names or faces easier? He’s bad with both -unless of course, you’ve done something insane, good or bad- but faces are definitely more unique and memorable that a name.

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not? He’s not because he’s just wanted justice for the world. He hasn’t really had a bad shortage of money thanks to his position in royalty, but if money did go scarce he could definitely take care of himself. So he sort of expects everyone to take care of themselves... basically he thinks money/materials are useless. 

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success? Success by far.

What was your character’s favorite toy as a child? No toys but he did have a weapon; a shark tooth dagger. 

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others? Wisdom. In his mind ambition or not, you can drive yourself to do something. However wisdom can’t be created in thin air, it takes a great deal of time, mistakes, and patience to equip it and use it in a useful manner.  

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before? Becoming too detached from the real world; he likes to see his partner of choice as this perfect, divine being. In all reality his chosen mate could be sinister and he wouldn’t have a clue. 

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism? He compares himself to great leaders in the past in the sake of both validation and criticism. However there hasn’t been too many great role models in the world so he usually carves his own path.

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others? He believes that he caused it or deserved it. He’s wayyy to hard on himself. 

What does your character like in other people? Honesty, wisdom, ambition, mentor-like, power and gentleness. 

What does your character dislike in other people? Manipulation, two-faced people, impulsive, hatefulness and negligence. 

How quick is your character to trust someone else? It depends on what his gut tells him and how desperate he is in the moment. Under normal conditions however he takes about a month to three months to warm up to someone all the way. 

How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person? He suspects people in half the time it takes for him to trust someone. If he’s close to that person he definitely acts for cautious around them but doesn’t try to let on that he thinks he knows something. 

How does your character behave around children? He acts gentle and silly to make them smile, but he’ll blow their minds with knowledge. 

How does your character normally deal with confrontation? The over aggressive I-don’t-take-that-type-of-shit guy. If it happens in a diplomatic situation though he gives off a contained type of angry vibe.

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation? He usually intimidates the opponent first since his magic is advanced but if they don’t back off soon he’ll immediately go in fight mode. 

What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true? To be quite honest Ender never really had dreams of becoming anything. He was sort of lost when it came to what his role would be in the future. 

What does your character find repulsive or disgusting? Torture, rape, child labor and cults. Surprisingly he isn’t that repulsed by murder

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable. In a calm outdoor setting, chilling out with friends and family having a nice meaningful conversation.

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable. Being face to face with the one that caused him most of his pain -directly and indirectly- Endria; A scaly soot-black dragoness with blood smeared sloppily all over her muzzle and exposed teeth. 

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve? A little bit of self-deprecating and willing to move on and improve if it’s something little. If it’s a major deal he won’t tolerate it, his way is the right way. 

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method? Move on... The definition of insanity is try the same thing over and over again expecting different results so... 

How does your character behave around people they like? Calm, critical in a cynical satirical sort of way, open about everything and hilariously clumsy. 

How does your character behave around people they dislike? Uptight, critical in a serious manner, acts regal and big and macho and definitely acts like a smart ass. 

Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status? Honor all the way. He could care less about his public image, as long as he knew he did the right thing that would make him rest at night easier.

Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat? Remove the problem. He believes that with his abnormally strong magic he might as well use it for it’s purpose; to make life easier for the world.

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)? Well everyone in main focus are animals... and that’s how they fight... so yeah??? Unaffected because in fights that would be common.

How does your character treat people in service jobs? With high respect.

Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first? Earning it, although more tedious, gives more of a satisfying feel for him. So I’d guess he probably wouldn’t mind earning it.

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them? Yes, his old demi-boss friends that he re-incarnated. 

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them? Yes, his re-incarnated friends.

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it? It’s really difficult for him to say this simply because he’s almost immortal, one day he’ll have to probably let that person go. But when he isn’t being a depressing piece of shit it’s still hard for him to say this because he feels weak exposing his emotions like that. He can fake nicely to a stranger however, or at least to get something in exchange for it.

What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them? In this universe the “after-life” is sort of weird. In his case if he were to die he’d just be reborn again with faint to no memories of his previous life. For that reason he isn’t scared, he just wonders what will happen to the people he’s left behind.

[michaeljames1221]

Did Divorce Make You Happier?

In life there are a lot of surprises. When people are making a lifetime decision to live together as one, I believe it means something to them. Well, not all times in life that you will make a decision and everything turns out as you would want. Some circumstances may lead you to making other decisions that you had never planned from the first place. Divorce is one of them.

In most cases, people tend to believe that after divorce there is happiness. This could be true but at the same time truly opposite. From previous research, it appears not all people who take divorce are happy. There are some who develop more problems than they had when they were together. To many people who take divorce, there are assumptions that they have a very low level of happiness and psychological distress compared to married people. Divorce comes as a full package. Couples, children, property, physical and emotional feelings that need to be clearly pre-determined. In as much as there is divorce, what will be the effects of it? How will it affect the parties involved? All this needs to be put into consideration before the divorce.

Reasons why people take divorce

Reasons for divorces are very many. Many couples are unaware of them coming. When the communication becomes a problem you should expeditiously take action before all fall from your hands. Very small arguments would lead to divorce faster than you think. let’s dive in and see some of the reasons that would lead to divorce: ● Infidelity This is the primary cause of many divorces.cheating on your spouse sucks so much. In cases of infidelity people feel are not enough for their partners. No matter what you do to try to make it up some people would not be able to hold the pain. The only way out for them is divorce. ● Money Money is a very sensitive area when it comes to marriage. It is one of the tools that define a person. This is an issue that needs to be handled right before committing yourself to each other. This is because money touches everything and it impacts people’s lives in a great way. When one spouse is making more money than the other it could be a problem if all is not laid on the table. In cases where a wife is more successful than the husband, submission becomes a problem. Humbling to her husband would be a problem, and so you find a demand for a divorce. On the other hand, the husband may have lots of money, which may be a leeway for infidelity. ● Poor communication Communication in marriage is very important. Research has proved that most successful marriages survive because of regular communication. When couples are yelling at each other, every time complaining and not talking to each other through the day could lead them to divorce if it prolongs for a long time.

They say that when the conversation is becoming slow on your side, it becomes longer somewhere else. Making nasty comments to express your feeling should not be heard in marriage – it kills faster than a bullet. ● Constant arguing Constant argument is the worst you can experience. When people talk, they do so with the intention of being heard and understood. Couples who argue over and over again do so because they feel they are not heard or appreciated. It becomes hard for them to see the other person’s point of view and so becomes hard to come to some solution. This could lead to divorce especially if there is somewhere else they feel they are listened to and appreciated. ● Unrealistic expectation This is a very easy mistake that most people make when they are venturing into marriage. They go there with lofty expectations. This could lead to divorce since the person feels disappointed. All the time this person will see the negative side of this marriage. It’s better entering with low hopes into marriage than high hopes that you will never meet. ● Lack of intimacy Lack of intimacy in marriage could lead to many things. Feeling no connection to your spouse make you feel like you are living with a total stranger. This is not necessarily about sex. Failing to feel the true warmth of love physically and emotionally could lead to a divorce. Making your relationship possible is the responsibility of you both. Take charge to practice some little kindness, appreciate the little efforts of your spouse and enjoy the physical intimacy as much as possible to sweeten your marriage. ● Abuse In life, people will fail to stand a marriage where they are abused. It does not always stem from the abuser being a “bad” person; deep emotional issues are usually to blame. Regardless of the reason, no one should tolerate abuse – getting out of the marriage safely is important. Most couples who sleep on fighting are advised to separate for a while to examine themselves. If truly there is no way out it is better for them to take a divorce. How to find happiness after divorce There are so many things life could expose you to after the divorce. Most people will turn to things they could not imagine. Some will turn to alcoholism to get lead of the stress and the psychological trauma. Others will turn to unruly behavior since they have the freedom but in all this, just know you have a life to live. Keeping that in mind will help you make the right decision. It could be a shame if at all you get divorced then you engage in practices that would prove people right about what they think you are. So quickly let us look at things that you would do to find happiness after the divorce: ● Be vibrant and try something you are crazy about This could help you realize your abilities more than you could have ever imagined. Your ex is probably very happy with his or her life. You also need to do something different that will keep you on your toes. Try as much as you can to be the person you always longed to be. ● Engage your mind into something, get your brain and goals into gear. This is very important. Remember an idle mind is the devil’s workshop – so you got to do something. Start off a new business, sign in for classes, travel the world, exhaust all the energy in you, for you were born to win. Think of the things that excite you. Get yourself into activities that really interests you, things you are good at. Start something fun, get back to work, etc. ● Be dynamic Look for opportunities as they come. Engage yourself in community activities. Be ready to help where you can. Start activities like charity to help those in need, you will be shocked how fast you will heal. This is because you will meet people of all kind some will have a very shocking story that will make you see yours as nothing.

Get to know the neighbor down the street who has no family in the area and lend a hand. Make your voice heard. Use some of that emotional energy from your separation and divorce to sort and pack food at the community food bank. Find productive ways to get rid of toxic thoughts and feelings. The list of ways to be a positive contributor are endless, and we feel good when we’re done. ● Remember feelings calls for instant action The faster you respond the better. Life after divorce is so new, you need to have a positive mindset that will lead you to your destiny. Visualize your success and walk right to achieving. Don���t let your divorce define you. View your new life as the best you could have ever wanted. This will save you a lot of stress. Don’t sit back and snivel away while everyone around you seems to be getting started on some new challenge. Everyone is in a battlefield, you bet to fight the good fight. Even if you don’t feel like you have the energy, take an action anyway. Take that first small step and then the next. Don’t worry about fixing everything all at once. Just do something that keeps you moving in the right direction towards the getting-your-life-back path after divorce.

So is there happiness after the divorce?

The answer to this question is two way. It is not obvious as people think. Making a decision like a divorce will require you to be very sound since there is a lot you will need to sacrifice. People view it as a cure-all. They hope that divorce will end or reduce their problem. This depends solely on the nature of the relationship. Some people are happier after divorce while for others it is hell broke loose. Let me dissect this further. 1. You got to love yourself In marriage, responsibilities are sometimes a barrier to happiness. There is much to be catered for. It becomes difficult especially for women to mind about their well being. After the divorce, they got all the time for themselves. You will be able to eat healthy and have a time out with your friends. 2. The divorce can be a milestone to you realizing your dream Many times you’ve been struggling until you end up losing your vision. Staying in a restrictive marriage and achieving your dream at the same could be hard. This is because you might find your dream is conflicting with the desires of your spouse. With divorce, you are free to fully realize your dream and be happy for your success. 3.You finally got your freedom In marriage, it sometimes becomes hard to have all the freedom you want. You sacrifice so many things for the welfare of your family. Sometimes, it becomes hard to go out for a date with your friends. For ladies, even going to a salon to get your hair done may be a problem. After the divorce you get your authority back. You can do whatever you want at any time you want to do it. No one will limit you from being the real you – everything is under your control. 4.There is always a person for you. There is no need to stick in a marriage that is not working. If you are not happy in your marriage, it is okay to file for a divorce as there is always the right person for you out there. You might even end up meeting the person who makes you happy and complete. Someone who completely knows your worth and sees you as a blessing in their lives. 5. Impact on children Divorce does not affect couples alone, children are victims also. Research proves this right. Children from toddler to teenage get really confused after divorce. Toddlers would think they are the reason for the divorce. Teenagers develop a negative attitude towards marriage which will lead them to developing a complex. Some may suffer depression and finally find it hard to get into a marriage in future. 6. Responsibilities will be yours and yours alone. When you lose your spouse, you also lose your helper. Maintaining your household becomes your sole responsibility, instead of a shared task split between the two of you. Having one less person to assist with regular chores or maintenance of the home will be a baggage on your shoulders. This is because you are now responsible for all everything that accompanies running your own home, you will have less time for rest. Your household work may require more time during the weekends or evenings that it used to. This change can also limit your ability to go out with friends and enjoy single life. 7. The psychological effect on adult When couples vows to live together, they do so with an intention of a lifetime commitment. In cases of a divorce there is a lot of mental torture especially when one spouse has not accepted the divorce.This could lead them to a depression before their life get back on track.

Free Consultation with Divorce Lawyer in Utah

If you have a question about divorce law or if you need to start or defend against a divorce case in Utah call Ascent Law for your free consultation at (801) 676-5506. We will help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

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from Michael Anderson https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/did-divorce-make-you-happier/

from Criminal Defense Lawyer West Jordan Utah https://criminaldefenselawyerwestjordanutah.wordpress.com/2019/07/20/did-divorce-make-you-happier/

[mayarosa47]

Did Divorce Make You Happier?

In life there are a lot of surprises. When people are making a lifetime decision to live together as one, I believe it means something to them. Well, not all times in life that you will make a decision and everything turns out as you would want. Some circumstances may lead you to making other decisions that you had never planned from the first place. Divorce is one of them.

In most cases, people tend to believe that after divorce there is happiness. This could be true but at the same time truly opposite. From previous research, it appears not all people who take divorce are happy. There are some who develop more problems than they had when they were together. To many people who take divorce, there are assumptions that they have a very low level of happiness and psychological distress compared to married people. Divorce comes as a full package. Couples, children, property, physical and emotional feelings that need to be clearly pre-determined. In as much as there is divorce, what will be the effects of it? How will it affect the parties involved? All this needs to be put into consideration before the divorce.

Reasons why people take divorce

Reasons for divorces are very many. Many couples are unaware of them coming. When the communication becomes a problem you should expeditiously take action before all fall from your hands. Very small arguments would lead to divorce faster than you think. let’s dive in and see some of the reasons that would lead to divorce: ● Infidelity This is the primary cause of many divorces.cheating on your spouse sucks so much. In cases of infidelity people feel are not enough for their partners. No matter what you do to try to make it up some people would not be able to hold the pain. The only way out for them is divorce. ● Money Money is a very sensitive area when it comes to marriage. It is one of the tools that define a person. This is an issue that needs to be handled right before committing yourself to each other. This is because money touches everything and it impacts people’s lives in a great way. When one spouse is making more money than the other it could be a problem if all is not laid on the table. In cases where a wife is more successful than the husband, submission becomes a problem. Humbling to her husband would be a problem, and so you find a demand for a divorce. On the other hand, the husband may have lots of money, which may be a leeway for infidelity. ● Poor communication Communication in marriage is very important. Research has proved that most successful marriages survive because of regular communication. When couples are yelling at each other, every time complaining and not talking to each other through the day could lead them to divorce if it prolongs for a long time.

They say that when the conversation is becoming slow on your side, it becomes longer somewhere else. Making nasty comments to express your feeling should not be heard in marriage – it kills faster than a bullet. ● Constant arguing Constant argument is the worst you can experience. When people talk, they do so with the intention of being heard and understood. Couples who argue over and over again do so because they feel they are not heard or appreciated. It becomes hard for them to see the other person’s point of view and so becomes hard to come to some solution. This could lead to divorce especially if there is somewhere else they feel they are listened to and appreciated. ● Unrealistic expectation This is a very easy mistake that most people make when they are venturing into marriage. They go there with lofty expectations. This could lead to divorce since the person feels disappointed. All the time this person will see the negative side of this marriage. It’s better entering with low hopes into marriage than high hopes that you will never meet. ● Lack of intimacy Lack of intimacy in marriage could lead to many things. Feeling no connection to your spouse make you feel like you are living with a total stranger. This is not necessarily about sex. Failing to feel the true warmth of love physically and emotionally could lead to a divorce. Making your relationship possible is the responsibility of you both. Take charge to practice some little kindness, appreciate the little efforts of your spouse and enjoy the physical intimacy as much as possible to sweeten your marriage. ● Abuse In life, people will fail to stand a marriage where they are abused. It does not always stem from the abuser being a “bad” person; deep emotional issues are usually to blame. Regardless of the reason, no one should tolerate abuse – getting out of the marriage safely is important. Most couples who sleep on fighting are advised to separate for a while to examine themselves. If truly there is no way out it is better for them to take a divorce. How to find happiness after divorce There are so many things life could expose you to after the divorce. Most people will turn to things they could not imagine. Some will turn to alcoholism to get lead of the stress and the psychological trauma. Others will turn to unruly behavior since they have the freedom but in all this, just know you have a life to live. Keeping that in mind will help you make the right decision. It could be a shame if at all you get divorced then you engage in practices that would prove people right about what they think you are. So quickly let us look at things that you would do to find happiness after the divorce: ● Be vibrant and try something you are crazy about This could help you realize your abilities more than you could have ever imagined. Your ex is probably very happy with his or her life. You also need to do something different that will keep you on your toes. Try as much as you can to be the person you always longed to be. ● Engage your mind into something, get your brain and goals into gear. This is very important. Remember an idle mind is the devil’s workshop – so you got to do something. Start off a new business, sign in for classes, travel the world, exhaust all the energy in you, for you were born to win. Think of the things that excite you. Get yourself into activities that really interests you, things you are good at. Start something fun, get back to work, etc. ● Be dynamic Look for opportunities as they come. Engage yourself in community activities. Be ready to help where you can. Start activities like charity to help those in need, you will be shocked how fast you will heal. This is because you will meet people of all kind some will have a very shocking story that will make you see yours as nothing.

Get to know the neighbor down the street who has no family in the area and lend a hand. Make your voice heard. Use some of that emotional energy from your separation and divorce to sort and pack food at the community food bank. Find productive ways to get rid of toxic thoughts and feelings. The list of ways to be a positive contributor are endless, and we feel good when we’re done. ● Remember feelings calls for instant action The faster you respond the better. Life after divorce is so new, you need to have a positive mindset that will lead you to your destiny. Visualize your success and walk right to achieving. Don’t let your divorce define you. View your new life as the best you could have ever wanted. This will save you a lot of stress. Don’t sit back and snivel away while everyone around you seems to be getting started on some new challenge. Everyone is in a battlefield, you bet to fight the good fight. Even if you don’t feel like you have the energy, take an action anyway. Take that first small step and then the next. Don’t worry about fixing everything all at once. Just do something that keeps you moving in the right direction towards the getting-your-life-back path after divorce.

So is there happiness after the divorce?

The answer to this question is two way. It is not obvious as people think. Making a decision like a divorce will require you to be very sound since there is a lot you will need to sacrifice. People view it as a cure-all. They hope that divorce will end or reduce their problem. This depends solely on the nature of the relationship. Some people are happier after divorce while for others it is hell broke loose. Let me dissect this further. 1. You got to love yourself In marriage, responsibilities are sometimes a barrier to happiness. There is much to be catered for. It becomes difficult especially for women to mind about their well being. After the divorce, they got all the time for themselves. You will be able to eat healthy and have a time out with your friends. 2. The divorce can be a milestone to you realizing your dream Many times you’ve been struggling until you end up losing your vision. Staying in a restrictive marriage and achieving your dream at the same could be hard. This is because you might find your dream is conflicting with the desires of your spouse. With divorce, you are free to fully realize your dream and be happy for your success. 3.You finally got your freedom In marriage, it sometimes becomes hard to have all the freedom you want. You sacrifice so many things for the welfare of your family. Sometimes, it becomes hard to go out for a date with your friends. For ladies, even going to a salon to get your hair done may be a problem. After the divorce you get your authority back. You can do whatever you want at any time you want to do it. No one will limit you from being the real you – everything is under your control. 4.There is always a person for you. There is no need to stick in a marriage that is not working. If you are not happy in your marriage, it is okay to file for a divorce as there is always the right person for you out there. You might even end up meeting the person who makes you happy and complete. Someone who completely knows your worth and sees you as a blessing in their lives. 5. Impact on children Divorce does not affect couples alone, children are victims also. Research proves this right. Children from toddler to teenage get really confused after divorce. Toddlers would think they are the reason for the divorce. Teenagers develop a negative attitude towards marriage which will lead them to developing a complex. Some may suffer depression and finally find it hard to get into a marriage in future. 6. Responsibilities will be yours and yours alone. When you lose your spouse, you also lose your helper. Maintaining your household becomes your sole responsibility, instead of a shared task split between the two of you. Having one less person to assist with regular chores or maintenance of the home will be a baggage on your shoulders. This is because you are now responsible for all everything that accompanies running your own home, you will have less time for rest. Your household work may require more time during the weekends or evenings that it used to. This change can also limit your ability to go out with friends and enjoy single life. 7. The psychological effect on adult When couples vows to live together, they do so with an intention of a lifetime commitment. In cases of a divorce there is a lot of mental torture especially when one spouse has not accepted the divorce.This could lead them to a depression before their life get back on track.

Free Consultation with Divorce Lawyer in Utah

If you have a question about divorce law or if you need to start or defend against a divorce case in Utah call Ascent Law for your free consultation at (801) 676-5506. We will help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Is a Divorce Settlement Taxable?

Hidden Assets in Divorce

Divorce and Trusts

Who Gets the House in Divorce?

Automobile Accident Lawsuits

Corporate Lawyer Bountiful Utah

from https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/did-divorce-make-you-happier/

from Criminal Defense Lawyer West Jordan Utah - Blog http://criminaldefenselawyerwestjordanutah.weebly.com/blog/did-divorce-make-you-happier

[melissawalker01]

Did Divorce Make You Happier?

In life there are a lot of surprises. When people are making a lifetime decision to live together as one, I believe it means something to them. Well, not all times in life that you will make a decision and everything turns out as you would want. Some circumstances may lead you to making other decisions that you had never planned from the first place. Divorce is one of them.

In most cases, people tend to believe that after divorce there is happiness. This could be true but at the same time truly opposite. From previous research, it appears not all people who take divorce are happy. There are some who develop more problems than they had when they were together. To many people who take divorce, there are assumptions that they have a very low level of happiness and psychological distress compared to married people. Divorce comes as a full package. Couples, children, property, physical and emotional feelings that need to be clearly pre-determined. In as much as there is divorce, what will be the effects of it? How will it affect the parties involved? All this needs to be put into consideration before the divorce.

Reasons why people take divorce

Reasons for divorces are very many. Many couples are unaware of them coming. When the communication becomes a problem you should expeditiously take action before all fall from your hands. Very small arguments would lead to divorce faster than you think. let’s dive in and see some of the reasons that would lead to divorce: ● Infidelity This is the primary cause of many divorces.cheating on your spouse sucks so much. In cases of infidelity people feel are not enough for their partners. No matter what you do to try to make it up some people would not be able to hold the pain. The only way out for them is divorce. ● Money Money is a very sensitive area when it comes to marriage. It is one of the tools that define a person. This is an issue that needs to be handled right before committing yourself to each other. This is because money touches everything and it impacts people’s lives in a great way. When one spouse is making more money than the other it could be a problem if all is not laid on the table. In cases where a wife is more successful than the husband, submission becomes a problem. Humbling to her husband would be a problem, and so you find a demand for a divorce. On the other hand, the husband may have lots of money, which may be a leeway for infidelity. ● Poor communication Communication in marriage is very important. Research has proved that most successful marriages survive because of regular communication. When couples are yelling at each other, every time complaining and not talking to each other through the day could lead them to divorce if it prolongs for a long time.

They say that when the conversation is becoming slow on your side, it becomes longer somewhere else. Making nasty comments to express your feeling should not be heard in marriage – it kills faster than a bullet. ● Constant arguing Constant argument is the worst you can experience. When people talk, they do so with the intention of being heard and understood. Couples who argue over and over again do so because they feel they are not heard or appreciated. It becomes hard for them to see the other person’s point of view and so becomes hard to come to some solution. This could lead to divorce especially if there is somewhere else they feel they are listened to and appreciated. ● Unrealistic expectation This is a very easy mistake that most people make when they are venturing into marriage. They go there with lofty expectations. This could lead to divorce since the person feels disappointed. All the time this person will see the negative side of this marriage. It’s better entering with low hopes into marriage than high hopes that you will never meet. ● Lack of intimacy Lack of intimacy in marriage could lead to many things. Feeling no connection to your spouse make you feel like you are living with a total stranger. This is not necessarily about sex. Failing to feel the true warmth of love physically and emotionally could lead to a divorce. Making your relationship possible is the responsibility of you both. Take charge to practice some little kindness, appreciate the little efforts of your spouse and enjoy the physical intimacy as much as possible to sweeten your marriage. ● Abuse In life, people will fail to stand a marriage where they are abused. It does not always stem from the abuser being a “bad” person; deep emotional issues are usually to blame. Regardless of the reason, no one should tolerate abuse – getting out of the marriage safely is important. Most couples who sleep on fighting are advised to separate for a while to examine themselves. If truly there is no way out it is better for them to take a divorce. How to find happiness after divorce There are so many things life could expose you to after the divorce. Most people will turn to things they could not imagine. Some will turn to alcoholism to get lead of the stress and the psychological trauma. Others will turn to unruly behavior since they have the freedom but in all this, just know you have a life to live. Keeping that in mind will help you make the right decision. It could be a shame if at all you get divorced then you engage in practices that would prove people right about what they think you are. So quickly let us look at things that you would do to find happiness after the divorce: ● Be vibrant and try something you are crazy about This could help you realize your abilities more than you could have ever imagined. Your ex is probably very happy with his or her life. You also need to do something different that will keep you on your toes. Try as much as you can to be the person you always longed to be. ● Engage your mind into something, get your brain and goals into gear. This is very important. Remember an idle mind is the devil’s workshop – so you got to do something. Start off a new business, sign in for classes, travel the world, exhaust all the energy in you, for you were born to win. Think of the things that excite you. Get yourself into activities that really interests you, things you are good at. Start something fun, get back to work, etc. ● Be dynamic Look for opportunities as they come. Engage yourself in community activities. Be ready to help where you can. Start activities like charity to help those in need, you will be shocked how fast you will heal. This is because you will meet people of all kind some will have a very shocking story that will make you see yours as nothing.

Get to know the neighbor down the street who has no family in the area and lend a hand. Make your voice heard. Use some of that emotional energy from your separation and divorce to sort and pack food at the community food bank. Find productive ways to get rid of toxic thoughts and feelings. The list of ways to be a positive contributor are endless, and we feel good when we’re done. ● Remember feelings calls for instant action The faster you respond the better. Life after divorce is so new, you need to have a positive mindset that will lead you to your destiny. Visualize your success and walk right to achieving. Don’t let your divorce define you. View your new life as the best you could have ever wanted. This will save you a lot of stress. Don’t sit back and snivel away while everyone around you seems to be getting started on some new challenge. Everyone is in a battlefield, you bet to fight the good fight. Even if you don’t feel like you have the energy, take an action anyway. Take that first small step and then the next. Don’t worry about fixing everything all at once. Just do something that keeps you moving in the right direction towards the getting-your-life-back path after divorce.

So is there happiness after the divorce?

The answer to this question is two way. It is not obvious as people think. Making a decision like a divorce will require you to be very sound since there is a lot you will need to sacrifice. People view it as a cure-all. They hope that divorce will end or reduce their problem. This depends solely on the nature of the relationship. Some people are happier after divorce while for others it is hell broke loose. Let me dissect this further. 1. You got to love yourself In marriage, responsibilities are sometimes a barrier to happiness. There is much to be catered for. It becomes difficult especially for women to mind about their well being. After the divorce, they got all the time for themselves. You will be able to eat healthy and have a time out with your friends. 2. The divorce can be a milestone to you realizing your dream Many times you’ve been struggling until you end up losing your vision. Staying in a restrictive marriage and achieving your dream at the same could be hard. This is because you might find your dream is conflicting with the desires of your spouse. With divorce, you are free to fully realize your dream and be happy for your success. 3.You finally got your freedom In marriage, it sometimes becomes hard to have all the freedom you want. You sacrifice so many things for the welfare of your family. Sometimes, it becomes hard to go out for a date with your friends. For ladies, even going to a salon to get your hair done may be a problem. After the divorce you get your authority back. You can do whatever you want at any time you want to do it. No one will limit you from being the real you – everything is under your control. 4.There is always a person for you. There is no need to stick in a marriage that is not working. If you are not happy in your marriage, it is okay to file for a divorce as there is always the right person for you out there. You might even end up meeting the person who makes you happy and complete. Someone who completely knows your worth and sees you as a blessing in their lives. 5. Impact on children Divorce does not affect couples alone, children are victims also. Research proves this right. Children from toddler to teenage get really confused after divorce. Toddlers would think they are the reason for the divorce. Teenagers develop a negative attitude towards marriage which will lead them to developing a complex. Some may suffer depression and finally find it hard to get into a marriage in future. 6. Responsibilities will be yours and yours alone. When you lose your spouse, you also lose your helper. Maintaining your household becomes your sole responsibility, instead of a shared task split between the two of you. Having one less person to assist with regular chores or maintenance of the home will be a baggage on your shoulders. This is because you are now responsible for all everything that accompanies running your own home, you will have less time for rest. Your household work may require more time during the weekends or evenings that it used to. This change can also limit your ability to go out with friends and enjoy single life. 7. The psychological effect on adult When couples vows to live together, they do so with an intention of a lifetime commitment. In cases of a divorce there is a lot of mental torture especially when one spouse has not accepted the divorce.This could lead them to a depression before their life get back on track.

Free Consultation with Divorce Lawyer in Utah

If you have a question about divorce law or if you need to start or defend against a divorce case in Utah call Ascent Law for your free consultation at (801) 676-5506. We will help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

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from Michael Anderson https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/did-divorce-make-you-happier/ from Divorce Lawyer Nelson Farms Utah https://divorcelawyernelsonfarmsutah.tumblr.com/post/186413328240

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Did Divorce Make You Happier?

In life there are a lot of surprises. When people are making a lifetime decision to live together as one, I believe it means something to them. Well, not all times in life that you will make a decision and everything turns out as you would want. Some circumstances may lead you to making other decisions that you had never planned from the first place. Divorce is one of them.

In most cases, people tend to believe that after divorce there is happiness. This could be true but at the same time truly opposite. From previous research, it appears not all people who take divorce are happy. There are some who develop more problems than they had when they were together. To many people who take divorce, there are assumptions that they have a very low level of happiness and psychological distress compared to married people. Divorce comes as a full package. Couples, children, property, physical and emotional feelings that need to be clearly pre-determined. In as much as there is divorce, what will be the effects of it? How will it affect the parties involved? All this needs to be put into consideration before the divorce.

Reasons why people take divorce

Reasons for divorces are very many. Many couples are unaware of them coming. When the communication becomes a problem you should expeditiously take action before all fall from your hands. Very small arguments would lead to divorce faster than you think. let’s dive in and see some of the reasons that would lead to divorce: ● Infidelity This is the primary cause of many divorces.cheating on your spouse sucks so much. In cases of infidelity people feel are not enough for their partners. No matter what you do to try to make it up some people would not be able to hold the pain. The only way out for them is divorce. ● Money Money is a very sensitive area when it comes to marriage. It is one of the tools that define a person. This is an issue that needs to be handled right before committing yourself to each other. This is because money touches everything and it impacts people’s lives in a great way. When one spouse is making more money than the other it could be a problem if all is not laid on the table. In cases where a wife is more successful than the husband, submission becomes a problem. Humbling to her husband would be a problem, and so you find a demand for a divorce. On the other hand, the husband may have lots of money, which may be a leeway for infidelity. ● Poor communication Communication in marriage is very important. Research has proved that most successful marriages survive because of regular communication. When couples are yelling at each other, every time complaining and not talking to each other through the day could lead them to divorce if it prolongs for a long time.

They say that when the conversation is becoming slow on your side, it becomes longer somewhere else. Making nasty comments to express your feeling should not be heard in marriage – it kills faster than a bullet. ● Constant arguing Constant argument is the worst you can experience. When people talk, they do so with the intention of being heard and understood. Couples who argue over and over again do so because they feel they are not heard or appreciated. It becomes hard for them to see the other person’s point of view and so becomes hard to come to some solution. This could lead to divorce especially if there is somewhere else they feel they are listened to and appreciated. ● Unrealistic expectation This is a very easy mistake that most people make when they are venturing into marriage. They go there with lofty expectations. This could lead to divorce since the person feels disappointed. All the time this person will see the negative side of this marriage. It’s better entering with low hopes into marriage than high hopes that you will never meet. ● Lack of intimacy Lack of intimacy in marriage could lead to many things. Feeling no connection to your spouse make you feel like you are living with a total stranger. This is not necessarily about sex. Failing to feel the true warmth of love physically and emotionally could lead to a divorce. Making your relationship possible is the responsibility of you both. Take charge to practice some little kindness, appreciate the little efforts of your spouse and enjoy the physical intimacy as much as possible to sweeten your marriage. ● Abuse In life, people will fail to stand a marriage where they are abused. It does not always stem from the abuser being a “bad” person; deep emotional issues are usually to blame. Regardless of the reason, no one should tolerate abuse – getting out of the marriage safely is important. Most couples who sleep on fighting are advised to separate for a while to examine themselves. If truly there is no way out it is better for them to take a divorce. How to find happiness after divorce There are so many things life could expose you to after the divorce. Most people will turn to things they could not imagine. Some will turn to alcoholism to get lead of the stress and the psychological trauma. Others will turn to unruly behavior since they have the freedom but in all this, just know you have a life to live. Keeping that in mind will help you make the right decision. It could be a shame if at all you get divorced then you engage in practices that would prove people right about what they think you are. So quickly let us look at things that you would do to find happiness after the divorce: ● Be vibrant and try something you are crazy about This could help you realize your abilities more than you could have ever imagined. Your ex is probably very happy with his or her life. You also need to do something different that will keep you on your toes. Try as much as you can to be the person you always longed to be. ● Engage your mind into something, get your brain and goals into gear. This is very important. Remember an idle mind is the devil’s workshop – so you got to do something. Start off a new business, sign in for classes, travel the world, exhaust all the energy in you, for you were born to win. Think of the things that excite you. Get yourself into activities that really interests you, things you are good at. Start something fun, get back to work, etc. ● Be dynamic Look for opportunities as they come. Engage yourself in community activities. Be ready to help where you can. Start activities like charity to help those in need, you will be shocked how fast you will heal. This is because you will meet people of all kind some will have a very shocking story that will make you see yours as nothing.

Get to know the neighbor down the street who has no family in the area and lend a hand. Make your voice heard. Use some of that emotional energy from your separation and divorce to sort and pack food at the community food bank. Find productive ways to get rid of toxic thoughts and feelings. The list of ways to be a positive contributor are endless, and we feel good when we’re done. ● Remember feelings calls for instant action The faster you respond the better. Life after divorce is so new, you need to have a positive mindset that will lead you to your destiny. Visualize your success and walk right to achieving. Don’t let your divorce define you. View your new life as the best you could have ever wanted. This will save you a lot of stress. Don’t sit back and snivel away while everyone around you seems to be getting started on some new challenge. Everyone is in a battlefield, you bet to fight the good fight. Even if you don’t feel like you have the energy, take an action anyway. Take that first small step and then the next. Don’t worry about fixing everything all at once. Just do something that keeps you moving in the right direction towards the getting-your-life-back path after divorce.

So is there happiness after the divorce?

The answer to this question is two way. It is not obvious as people think. Making a decision like a divorce will require you to be very sound since there is a lot you will need to sacrifice. People view it as a cure-all. They hope that divorce will end or reduce their problem. This depends solely on the nature of the relationship. Some people are happier after divorce while for others it is hell broke loose. Let me dissect this further. 1. You got to love yourself In marriage, responsibilities are sometimes a barrier to happiness. There is much to be catered for. It becomes difficult especially for women to mind about their well being. After the divorce, they got all the time for themselves. You will be able to eat healthy and have a time out with your friends. 2. The divorce can be a milestone to you realizing your dream Many times you’ve been struggling until you end up losing your vision. Staying in a restrictive marriage and achieving your dream at the same could be hard. This is because you might find your dream is conflicting with the desires of your spouse. With divorce, you are free to fully realize your dream and be happy for your success. 3.You finally got your freedom In marriage, it sometimes becomes hard to have all the freedom you want. You sacrifice so many things for the welfare of your family. Sometimes, it becomes hard to go out for a date with your friends. For ladies, even going to a salon to get your hair done may be a problem. After the divorce you get your authority back. You can do whatever you want at any time you want to do it. No one will limit you from being the real you – everything is under your control. 4.There is always a person for you. There is no need to stick in a marriage that is not working. If you are not happy in your marriage, it is okay to file for a divorce as there is always the right person for you out there. You might even end up meeting the person who makes you happy and complete. Someone who completely knows your worth and sees you as a blessing in their lives. 5. Impact on children Divorce does not affect couples alone, children are victims also. Research proves this right. Children from toddler to teenage get really confused after divorce. Toddlers would think they are the reason for the divorce. Teenagers develop a negative attitude towards marriage which will lead them to developing a complex. Some may suffer depression and finally find it hard to get into a marriage in future. 6. Responsibilities will be yours and yours alone. When you lose your spouse, you also lose your helper. Maintaining your household becomes your sole responsibility, instead of a shared task split between the two of you. Having one less person to assist with regular chores or maintenance of the home will be a baggage on your shoulders. This is because you are now responsible for all everything that accompanies running your own home, you will have less time for rest. Your household work may require more time during the weekends or evenings that it used to. This change can also limit your ability to go out with friends and enjoy single life. 7. The psychological effect on adult When couples vows to live together, they do so with an intention of a lifetime commitment. In cases of a divorce there is a lot of mental torture especially when one spouse has not accepted the divorce.This could lead them to a depression before their life get back on track.

Free Consultation with Divorce Lawyer in Utah

If you have a question about divorce law or if you need to start or defend against a divorce case in Utah call Ascent Law for your free consultation at (801) 676-5506. We will help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Is a Divorce Settlement Taxable?

Hidden Assets in Divorce

Divorce and Trusts

Who Gets the House in Divorce?

Automobile Accident Lawsuits

Corporate Lawyer Bountiful Utah

Source: https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/did-divorce-make-you-happier/