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davekat-sucks · 4 months ago

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look, i’m sorry, but I just can’t get over this, in that screenshot you posted the hicu even called him the most self-adjusted in the cast, what the actual fuck. Faggot Vantas? Self-adjusted? How. If they are not making the same tired, rancid jokes about how ~HOT~ his mantits are now, they’re sucking on their own OOC shitty version of Karkat’s dick until it’s dry.

i’m beyond tired of this shitshow hyper-focusing every single update (whenever they actually happen once in a fucking blue moon because the pacing is that fucking horrible and slow) on dragging Jade and Rose, who used to be my favorite characters, through the mud and humiliating them just to prop up Karkat as their moral paragon mouthpiece on a soapbox screaming down at everyone else and calling them desperate whiny whores and wombs.

So, I’m going to do exactly what he does and go on a way too long rant against the nu-fandom and hicu’s golden boy, whom they love to project onto so much that they don’t even realize he’s the worst-written asshole in the entire comic. Or maybe they do, and that’s why Karkat is such a fucking imbecile now, because they relate to him and genuinely think he’s in the right.

Karkat ranting and telling Rose about how she supposedly wasted years doing nothing or that she was never good enough for Cucknaya, all while unironically shouting some cringy-ass “Troll Lives Matter” bullshit is RICH, considering he spent his entire life begging on his knees to be a Threshecutioner so he could personally execute the very trolls that eugenicist tyrant fish-fucking-Hitler deemed as “not good enough”. He literally said on text that he admired her leadership so much that he wanted to serve her, even knowing damn well that she would have culled him and everyone he cared about without a second thought if given the chance, and he was fine with that, just as long as he was an exception.

And look at him now, Meenah’s little glorified dildo, helping her commit genocide, pretending as if he cares about “his people”. As if he’s not just using the war as an excuse to kill people for a scrap of highblood validation (the Signless doing backflips in his grave) all while doing absolutely nothing of substance in the story except for whining about missing Dave.

The EXACT same fucking pattern as what happened to him in the retconned timeline after Game Over, where he was totally fine with letting Meenah lead the ghosts of all his dead friends to their death by Lord English, as long as he got to give a cringy speech (about Dave) and be "second in command", all so he could feel special. Because god forbid he be reminded that he’s just another one of those “unworthy, disgusting mutants” or that he’s a worthless leader who never had what it takes, or else he’ll just cry about it like a little bitch like he always does. His self-esteem and moral are that fucking nonexistent.

So NO, sit the fuck down Karkat, you traitorous Judas bitch with negative self awareness, who do you think you are to tell ANYONE that they were never good enough. You’re so fucking worthless that Terezi literally had John go back in time to tell her past self you weren’t shit *instead* of reviving the trolls that died because she didn’t want to date your sorry ass and regretted wasting so much time on you. And she chose to revive fucking Vriska of all people (the one bitch that ruined her life more than you did) just so she could forget about you and find someone else to take her for granted and treat her like shit.

But no, according to Karkat, Jade is the desperate bitchy one. And I’m quoting him in the new upd8 here, because this shit pissed me off with how hypocritical it is:

KARKAT: MAYBE THE REST OF YOU HAVE A LOT TO CATCH UP ON VIS A VIS JADE HARLEY'S DESPERATION SITUATION, BUT I LIVED IT. KARKAT: FOR YEARS! KARKAT: "OH POOR ME, EVERYTHING GETS TAKEN AWAY FROM ME, NOBODY EVER CONSIDERS MY FEELINGS." KARKAT: "NONE OF THE FRIENDS IN MY LIFE GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME DESPITE ALWAYS BEING THERE FOR ME WHENEVER I NEED TO BITCH AND MOAN."

They really wrote this about JADE, who was the one person that was genuinely ignored and lonely for YEARS and still was willing to always helping everyone she cared for with a smile and pushing down her feelings to do so ever since the comic started, and sacrificed her life to save John's dreamself. While Karkat was the desperate horny simp that got canonically horny over the idea of Jade making out with Jadesprite, who was crying after realizing she died, and only helped her because he wanted to make Terezi jealous and later on wanted Jade to like him so fucking badly because he had such a big fucking crush on her that he made something she said the password to his room. Fucking Cascade happened thanks to her going God tier, nobody would be alive without her.

I think the fact that the writers retconned and swapped Jade and Karkat’s characters and relationship so they could frame HER as the desperate horny mess that was thirsty for everyone, all so they can paint Dave and Karkat as victims and her a homewrecking sex pest forcing herself onto Karkat because they genuinely think that is treating her character as “good” or making her “complex and layered” really says a lot about them. Underage yaoi fangirls that write fanfics killing the female character that gets in between their ship wish they could get paid for doing the same shit.

So now Jade is the desperate whiny bitch for daring to imply that nobody gave a single iota of a fuck about her, as though this is incorrect, or she wasn’t completely abandoned, left to rot alone in that ship thinking John was dead for good, and Davesprite left her without telling her why. And that’s the thing, despite what Hussie and HICU try to do retconning Jade and calling her a whiny ungrateful bitch to make Dave & Karkat look good, she never once complained about growing up alone in the original comic. Never whined, never threw a fit, never made her loneliness growing up anyone else’s problem. Never once said anything about doing taxidermy with her grandfather's corpse at 5 years old, since we are turning gags into grounded narratives now.

Contrast that with fucking Act 6 DAVE, who made his daddy issues everyone else’s problem by being the excuse he gave to not want to kill Lord English, essentially choosing to let his friends die. Or fucking Act 6 and beyond Karkat, who, when not BITCHING AND MOANING about how Terezi chose Dave over him or how Dave “took” Terezi away from him (and rejected his stupid chart to share her), spent every single second of his screentime wallowing in self-pity over how everyone supposedly hated him for his blood color or that he was a bad leader, even though they weren’t in Alternia anymore and not a single person ever actually giving a fuck about that, not even ONCE. During his session he was ALWAYS supported even though he didn’t deserve it since he NEVER FUCKING THANKED ANYONE FOR *THEIR* SACRIFICES TO HIM.

And I point this out because they also had the gall to have Candy!Karkat call SOLLUX a lazy, uncaring asshole. One of the FEW people who actually DID SHIT for his team, programming the actual fucking game Karkat needed to even get in, managing the trolls’ computers and viewports so Karkat could chat with the humans and be able to confess his hatedom for John, and literally DYING TWICE to save Karkat’s pathetic ass.

Because, just like his nonexistant brain, this pedantic manlet’s backbone is so pathetically underdeveloped that the only thing it ever allowed him to do when it MATTERED was piss his diapers in fear of Gamzee, Vriska and Eridan (who, by the way, all got taken down in five seconds by fucking Cucknaya, the only person as much of a spineless enabling pansy as he is) while throwing the burden of confrontation onto his personal meatshield Equius getting both Nepeta and Tavros killed in the process, after crying like a little bitch that his other meatshield Sollux was knocked out by Eridan, because all Karkat did when Eridan knocked Sollux out and killed Feferi&Kanaya was stand there like a drooling retard with his mouth open in shock instead of cutting this shit out like the leader he claimed he was and later gave up being, so fucking VRISKA could take the mantle and order everyone around. The bitch that was the entire reason they got stuck in murderstuck, because she was the one that CREATED BEC NOIR and gave Jade narcolepsy, all so she could play hero.

Such a half-assed pathetic coward, so allergic to accountability and confrontation, that he couldn’t even own up to his feelings for Terezi without resorting to manipulative games. Couldn’t have the basic decency to give Nepeta a clear rejection despite hypocritically telling Eridan to treat her like a person. Couldn’t handle the humbling of John rejecting HIM and so instead went back in time to troll him backwards. Couldn’t confess to Jade either after only liking her when she insulted him back because he’s a raving masochist.

Terezi was getting isolated by Gamzee, Kanaya had to deal with Rose being an alcoholic, and Jade was isolated alone in the ship after thinking John had died. And did Karkat give any of a shit about that, or even try to go God Tier or try to find a way to revive his dead friends? Fuck no, for he was too busy spending the rest of his screentime fellating himself for years over his thousandth rewatch of The Notebook while his pookiebear deadbeat Dave passed out on that crusty-ass couch from sheer boredom in that stupid meteor after he dumped Terezi for daring to get trapped in an abusive relationship with Gamzee, because Karkat also COULDN’T do his *ONE* fucking duty of PACIFYING HIS OWN FUCKING MOIRAIL or at least LETTING KANAYA KILL HIM.

And somehow, ridiculously, out of nowhere, Hussie decided that the best way to "develop" this character was to have him latch onto Terezi’s sloppy seconds, since Dave looked and acted just enough like Sollux to make him horny. And with that, Hussie found a new target to paint Karkat as the victim and satisfy his disgusting fantasy of asinine romcom love triangles: Jade. A character Hussie clearly hated, stripping her of any dignity by giving her a dog dick, making her a terrible mother, complicit in cheating and naming her daughter fucking Yiffy, all just to further humiliate her.

And now the writers decide Karkat grows a spine? Now he suddenly has the nerve to hypocritically claim that Rose did nothing for years? Just to defend his pookie Dave, after he broke down sobbing at the sight of his dead carcass like a little bitch, right in front of his girlfriend? He insults those two, but not Meenah, Vriska's groomer, whose only personality trait now is thirsting after his tiny dick, consoling him every time he whines about Dave, get cheated on by Karkat with Davebot later, and apparently now having a plan to keep her boytoy alive longer since he's mortal? Exactly like HIC did with the fucking Psiioniic?

And on top of all that, they have Karkat have the audacity to insult Jade and call HER desperate and make Rose cry? AND MAKE JOHN CLAP AT HIM RIGHT AFTERWARDS FOR INSULTING HIS OLDEST FRIENDS AND SAY THAT NOW THINGS ARE BETTER THANKS TO KARKAT PUTTING THEM IN THEIR PLACE?

They always have to character assassinate SOMEONE to make Karkat look better. John so Karkat can be the leader figure, Jane so Karkat can become an ~oppressed minority~ again by making her become a trump allegory because the writers are THAT fucking crazy obsessed with politics, Roxy so she can be mocked as a "centrist" as if it's a derogatory slur for not wanting Karkat to murder Jane after she was already beheaded, Jake so they can go "see! karkat is not the ONLY one sexualized! we're not perverts, it's a PLOT thing uwu", Jade so someone gets in between Karkat and his true love Dave, Dirk so he can force davekat to happen because it really is THAT nonsensical and unplausible to happen naturally, Sollux so Karkat can whine and criticize him for not doing anything and mock for not getting laid, Meenah so she can constantly say how hot he is and how stupid Jade is for not wanting him, Rose so they can point out how Karkat is not the most morally reprehensible lazy piece of shit around, Kanaya so Karkat can be shown to care about ONE of his troll friends, and Dave who can validate everything Karkat is saying about how Jade is a fucking crazy whore because he also canonically has said that she was a whiny bitch that didn't have a life as hard as his, and that's why he and Karkat belong together. Because they both are lazy deadbeats that hate Jade and think she's a whiny bitch that didn't have as hard of a life as neither of them.

Because at the end of the day, no matter how HARD they try to hamfistedly shove in every sentence that Karkat is ~SOOOOO~ caring and thoughtful, how he is the glue that keeps them together or some shit, what was actually SHOWN of Karkat’s entire incomprehensible mess of a character has been about how he only cares about HIS wants and needs. HIS problems. HIS motivation. HIS pain. HIS insecurities. HIS Strider. Everyone else? Completely irrelevant, unless they align with his wants or make him feel good about himself.

Nothing Karkat did was selfless, it was always because he wanted to get something out of it. Otherwise why not revive his dead friends if he allegedly cared so much about them? Why not help Rose with her alcoholism in the meteor? Or visit John since he was lonely? Nothing to gain out of it, except being a good friend to him. But I guess since John didn’t want his dick, Karkat thought he could choke.

So here he is once again, Karkat horrendous ooc shitshow manipulating the narrative to make hismself the victim and Jade the horrendous villain, because the writers related a little bit too fucking much to him and Dave, as per usual.

And so, to me, this whole rant about Jade’s supposed "desperation" is really just Karkat (and the writers) projecting.

The ONE thing that was prevalent and has remained from Karkat’s shitty inconsistent mess of a character is that he was always a fucking disaster reeking of desperation: desperate for approval, for validation, for a relationship he can cling to.

Desperate enough to spend his entire existence crying about how he was the victim while completely ignoring the suffering of literally everyone else around him. Desperate enough to always play second fiddle to Vriska or Meenah leadership and doing shit in the story, when he was supposed to be a main character. And now, to top it all off, turns out this spineless loser faked having a yeast infection just to avoid fucking Jade, whom he previously LIKED, because he was too much of a coward to confront the nicest girl he ever knew, a character who was absolutely butchered in this dogshit sequel, all because he was THAT desperate for Dave’s cock to accept being in a throuple for an opportunity to get Jade’s sloppy seconds.

Instead of showing even one sliver of maturity or growth for what happened to his friends, he chose to use this as fuel for his never ending self-pity parties and forever stayed a whiny little bitch with zero dignity, with his character reduced to retarded teenage lovedrama until the very end and to this day. And even if Karkat DOES revive his friends later? Fuck you, too little too late.

And what is Meat!Karkat doing?

Sucking Dave's disck with gusto, not caring that Jade was possessed or that Kanaya was cucked or that John was killed.

So fucking nothing. The same shit he always has done.

Pathetic.

And this is why Clover <3 Candy!Karkat at Super weenie hut jr is better than davekat,

Because reminder that this hypocritical selfish, self-absorbed, resentful manchild's last and ONLY feat in the original comic right after the timeline got retconned thanks to him being so unlikable and incompetent, was him celebrating beating CLOVER.

Clover <3 Candy!Karkat at Super Weenie Hut Jr is better than Davekat. And everything you just typed. About Karkat, about this update, all of it...is just PERFECT!!!

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