#Cause ik memory repression is a thing

[shidraoftheworldpillar]

Hey I just realized that maybe going a few years without taking care of yourself is probably not normal and a sign of mental problems

[dyketoevsky]

ik youve talked abt system yohane/yoshiko b4 but im curious to hear more in depth abt ur thoughts on them!!

Okay anon. I hope you know that I owe you a cookie and a drink.

Their system consists of Yoshiko (the host and trauma holder), Yohane (nonhuman alter and protector, possibly a psychosis symptom holder) Lalapis (nonhuman alter, introject, and caretaker)

Their system is probably bigger, I'm imagining 'introjects' of the rest of aqours (which depending on the universe they could be non introjects)

They have a lot of trauma from bullying and religious parents (leaving this vague for personal interpretation)

Yohane formed when they were young and is inspired by the fallen angels their parents would talk about. Ironically it made their bullies target them more because it can't seperate from it's nonhuman identity and it's trauma.

Lailaps is (ironically) an ANP, she tries to do 'damage control' especially from Yohane.

If they have the other members of aqours I think Hanamaru is a combination of a childhood friend and a story book character. She also holds some of their naivety having been raised in mostly isolation.

Yoshiko wished as a kid to have siblings so her parents would focus on her less and so she'd has sibling(s) to play with. Ruby is a representation of the little sister while Dia is the older sister she imagined playing with.

Chika is a mood booster and generally cheerful part. She doesn't remember their trauma.

Kanan is a representation of a 'true friend' that Yoshiko wanted as a child. She is a social and active part

Mari is a holder for their parental trauma and is also a protector, but she goes about it in the 'wrong way' (standing up to their parents)

You is another book character, he's also partly linked to their happy memories of being on their grandparents boat. He's also a transmasc part and that causes upset sometimes.

Riko is a lesbian and she is a representation of their repressed sexuality.

Yohane and Yoshiko are almost constantly together (subsystem maybe?). Yoshiko finds Yohane scary (this fear eases up as she learns about their system), but Yohane doesn't really know who it is without protecting Yoshiko so relies on her.

Yoshiko and Yohane have a system yuri thing happening between them.

[nomsfaultau]

To make up for the last time.

DAILY ASK S2 №6

Theme: Niki

1. You've mentioned her current form and her form of a human corpse hooked as a lure. Did she have any other cool forms along the way? I imagine that it took her quite a bit to settle on the body she has currently.

2. What's the best memory she has ever eaten?

3. What's the worst memory she has ever eaten?

4. If I asked her to draw what she'd like to look like, her ideal form, what would she draw?

5. Before getting captured, what was she like? Where did they even find her? In general, what's her story?

Extra: Ik that it's not canon, but what are her thoughts on Eve? >:3

1.I picture her original form before the human fawning to have been some nasty leviathan creature. I’ve also imagined her as a little incense burner. That might be closer to her soul than her form tho. 

2.It was when a Foundation worker was trying to get rid of their attachment to a coworker who died. Niki didn’t have that context though. To her it was just the feeling of loving and being loved. It was about five years of memories, from the very first meeting. Niki lived through an entire relationship, and a lot of it was just mundane stuff, sitting together at lunch and talking about movies. And sure she’s had far more happy memories, but what draws her to it is the in depth feeling of how to be normal. Niki yearns for swapping pet pics and banter and high fiving while passing in the halls. And it drives her to work even harder for a life the Foundation will never give her. 

3.Perhaps she’s had worse memories, but the reason it’s the worst for Niki is it’s the same nightmare from every time, shared across hundreds of people. It’s Tommy in his roll as the Instigator, unfolding chaos as a different anomaly dissolves into something monstrous. For her it is the nightmare of becoming the very thing she’s working so hard to suppress: herself. Anomaly. Powerful. 

4.Probably a human but naturally cute. Potentially an eternal young girl for maximum disarming. 

5.She does not have pre Foundation lore as of now. So anything I say now would be ripe to change to suit story plans. However, I imagine she was rather dangerous and caused a lot of problems. When initially captured she was incredibly rebellious. But it got crushed out of her. So, personality would’ve been incredibly different that I know, but as to specifics nothing is concrete. 

6.The sheer awe and adoration of someone who genuinely believes she’s beautiful after chasing being palatable for so long is unimaginable. Niki is overjoyed that’s she’s getting a good grade in self repression with Eve. Also, Eve meaning she’s now in a MTF roles is giving Niki everything she wants: more freedom, and more ability to save people (by suppressing other anomalies more). I think, because they’ve still only just met, it’s more that Eve is fulfilling Niki’s desires, than attachment to Eve specifically. Which is more a shortcoming of having known each other not even a day, and Eve being appreciated for things like, personality or who she is as a person are something that can happen with time. 

[maagisterpavus]

Inky + LI asks - 1, 7, 23, 26, 39 (ik it's Many but i love themmmm)

It’s never too many omg, I love you so much for this 😭🫶 Questions from this ask meme!

1. What was their first impression of the other? How did their first meeting go?

Their first meeting was in the Redcliffe chantry, of course. Rowan had the classic "oh no he's hot" moment and then resorted to sass because he didn't know what to do with himself ("Stop talking like you're waiting for applause. 🙄" Even though he could have listened to that silky smooth voice for another three hours, at minimum.) Huge crush at first sight, but still appropriately wary. The guy is from Tevinter, after all. They butt heads a little on the subject of time magic and that's genuinely because Ro thinks he's full of shit at first. Too many conflicting thoughts in that pretty little head of his.

For Dorian it's less about any kind of physical attraction and more about the intrigue. The Herald is not what he expected, but he picks up on that spitfire personality right away and def gets a little thrill out of it.

7. Does their LI believe Inky is the Herald? Does it affect their initial relationship?

Ohhh, interesting. Y'know I haven't really thought about this before. Dorian is Andrastian, but I don't get the impression from him that he'd believe in the idea of Andraste's chosen? If he does entertain the idea I think he'd be skeptical at best. He doesn't have to harp on it anyway cause Rowan is firmly against being hailed as the Herald and outright denies it any chance he gets. I don't see it influencing their relationship either. Dorian falls for plenty of other reasons that have nothing to do with divine intervention.

23. During HLTA, the Inquisitor might learn their companion's biggest fears. How would they react to learning their LI's biggest fear?

This is in reference to the companion graveyard, I assume? I hope so cause that's where I'm going with it.

At first, confused, probably. Because not gonna lie I still go back and forth on what it means that Dorian's biggest fear is 'temptation.' Seems more like a vice than a fear, no? What is he afraid he'll be tempted by? The allure of power back home, like he'll be tempted to go back and end up embracing all of the things he tried to leave behind? Is it temptation in regards to lust or gluttony? Or is it the temptation of allowing himself to fall in love when he knows thinks he shouldn't?

Ro goes through all of those questions in his head and comes to the conclusion that it's the last one. It makes his heart ache, but he isn't surprised considering the conversations they've had ("You learn not to hope for more," etc). He doesn't ever directly bring it up either, just keeps doing his little things to show Dorian that he is loved, almost like he's saying: you don't have to be tempted by it, because you already have it.

26. What worries their LI the most about the Inquisitor?

See below? 🥲 Rowan gets an A+ in emotional repression, especially after the loss of his clan, and it freaks Dorian the fuck out (oh Dorian, look at you being a massive hypocrite). It gives him whiplash because Ro is someone who's so compassionate towards others but reserves none of it for himself, and Dorian can see that the cracks are there but Ro just. Won't. Talk. About it. (This eventually ties in to the memory loss Rowan struggles with later on down the line, and that... has him more worried than anything.)

On a slightly lighter note I think in the early days he's actually worried for Rowan's physical safety, because what do you mean this tiny elf is running straight for that group of Red Templars, Maker's balls they're going to snap him like a twig--then that tiny elf summons a spirit blade and singlehandedly takes down a monstrosity three times his size and Dorian is like oh, never mind. He might be a little scared, actually. And a lot turned on.

39. Is the Inquisitor worried about the Anchor and how it is affecting their health? If so, do they express those worries to their LI?

Oh yeah, he's worried. Oh no, he doesn't say it. He's fine, he's fine, he's always fine.

(He's not fine and they have a huge fight about it after the hand is gone and that's when he goes MIA for like six months after Trespasser.) (They fix it eventually, I promise.)

[vinegar-rights]

YOUR ART IS SO AMAZING!!! kinda fucked up hair and big tired eyes and her nose. ough. her being kind of a loner and loser post-mh is really important to me. i know in the comic she's shown to have a couple of friends and be mostly okay but like. i want her to be worse.

like!! she lost a span between several months to several years of her life only to be dropped back in the woods with massive chunks of her memory either repressed or just gone and with the person she was closest to just completely vanished and most people she knew gone. that would fuck a person up!! i want her to stay in the area of rosswood just to cling on to some semblance of her life. i want her to have no social life because she was missing for so long that people thought she was dead and she has such a crazy flight or fight response for reasons she doesn't understand that it's hard to talk to people. i want her to carry around the same beat up phone she got in like 2009 because it's one of the only things she has left that proves she was a real person before waking up in rosswood. i want her to desperately hope that amy comes back while also terrified that she caused her death. i want the yuri to be so codependent

OH MY GODDDD BRO UR BRAIN!!!!!!!!!! yes!!!!! i agree 100% like she lost so many years of her life to this hell she was dragged into and should def have those residual scars from the marble hornets incident and hoard things that she owned during that time (like the phone!!). ughhhh the dynamic between skully and jess is so crazy because skully is the being that holds her past and knows what she went through while jessica lost those memories and is struggling to pic up the fragments of her mind. i cant wait to see everything clicking together and see how jess reacts because ik skully will be the cause of it!!!

[kumakuma-circus]

ik this is super random but i thought i saw u commenting something ab the investigation team’s mental stability and how it’s not like … okay LMFAO and how teddie is up there in terms of not doing well .. and i wanted to know why🥺 if u wanna provide ur reasoning ofc🫡

okay i unfortunately don't think i saved the text file but i wrote down a whole thing about all the investigation team's mental states from best to worst a couple months ago- not really relevant to the question but i do remember it was something close to chie, yukiko, kanji, naoto, yosuke, rise, teddie and then yu. though tbh i'd probably put yosuke between rise and teddie i'm pretty sure i mostly just did that cuz rise and teddie have some pretty similar issues (basically every persona character has identity struggles but of the investigation team they def have the most struggles with that)-

as i just said. teddie has a lot of issues with his identity. he doesn't really know what or who he is or where he belongs in the world - or even what world he belongs in, given that that's something repeated throughout his character arc (though admittedly it's pretty minor the first two times). unfortunately i think those problems are mostly caused by him himself since he repressed his memory of being a shadow-

tbh thinking about it i think teddie also has issues with being useful? the first two times he wonders if he belongs outside of the tv world are after mitsuo's dungeon and after heaven - both cases where it's due to him and yu's promise from the beginning of the game being fulfilled (at least from the investigation team's perspective), which he sees as meaning there's no reason for him to not go back to the tv world (really struggling with what phrasing to use for the non-tv world world rn ngl-). and also part of the spiral before rise's dungeon that (partially) leads to his shadow showing up is cuz of him not being able to sniff stuff out as well. this bear's fucked.

he also has a whole downward spiral after nanako's death. which is really just his issues culminating - he remembers he's a shadow but that means he doesn't belong outside the tv world after all. still slightly lost on how he ends up in the velvet room though ngl-

also like. not really backed up by anything in-game but he was isolated in the tv world for who knows how long even after awakening to human emotions. he is like 16-years-old. i think a lot of issues are brought around by this, too; the game doesn't really dwell on it except for comedy reasons (why is so much of later on p4's humor "haha teddie's making the girls uncomfortable!!!!") but like. he doesn't know how to interact with people at all because he completely missed the socialization phase and none of the investigation team teaches him. he does seem to have some level of inherent knowledge but i have to imagine it's just from tv. and the rest of his knowledge seems to be from yosuke who is. not the best role model- i'm proooobably projecting too hard here tbh.

oh and then there's all the issues the whole investigation team shares. like y'know. being teenagers and solving a murder mystery. tbh there's probably stuff i missed but that's the gist of why i feel like teddie is one of the more fucked up investigation team members (they're all extremely fucked up though)-

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

Hey Sunny.........I am having a major burnout.....just full on academic frustration and I want to cry because I did my second and third exam for the sem finals so terribly. I have never ever written an exam this bad.....I was the topper of my class throughout 11th and 12th grade and now I feel like I am being stretched in all directions and I feel so fucking hopeless sometimes. Lots of things happened to me last year and well.....I wasn't given time to process....to grieve or mourn or just fucking cry out loud at all.......I am just feeling so fucking sad and I feel so dejected at myself. As much as I wanna ask for help, I feel weak because the culture that surrounds me bashes a person who dares to ask for help in the first place. I just want someone to hold me and let me cry until I just fall asleep from crying because God knows how long I have been just repressing all sadness in me just so I can be seen as the 'jovial' kid. I am so frustrated and mad at myself because I feel like I will never recover for whatever has happened to me and that I will never get to live my life the way I want......ya know be queer and free and live as such. Sorry for the rant, I just didn't know who to talk to.

- ❤️ anon

Hey bub 💕 first off, you have no reason to apologize. I always love when you show up in mg inbox :) im sorry that you're going through such a rough time rn. It seems like a lot of stuff is happening at once which os making it difficult for you to cope and function, and i am so sorry for that. I'm not the best at giving advice, but hopefully my past experiences can ease your pain:

I was depressed throughout college. I was away from home, i was living in the basement of my conservative aunt and uncle's house, i lived off campus so i didn't make any friends or join any clubs. I was so unbearably lonely and sad that i often cried once i was alone. Ofc there were happy times, but it was a very stressful three years of my life. It's not easy, there's a lot going on that can cause burnout, but it's important for you to prioritize your health over your grades. Ik it's easier said than done but you have to do it. Turn off and put away all school related items. Take some time to breathe and just let yourself meditate and clear your mind. Take a nap if you want to. Your brain is struggling to keep up with everything, you have to let it rest. Make a recipe that reminds you of the past and brings back happy memories. Watch a comfort show. Talk to family or friends that make you feel better. Just gove yourself some time to decompress bc you will not be able to continue studying if you are still overwhelmed.

I'm gonna let you in on a secret: it doesn't matter if you fail. It doesn't matter if you do terribly on your exams and fail a class bc you can always take it again. The funny thing about university is that it feels very important but it's similar to high school in that no one cares about your grades as long as you have a degree. There was one class i took that i got a 1.5 GPA on, and the only reason i passed the 1.0 GPA requirement for it was bc covid made learning remote so i was essentially able to cheat on my last exam sksksk. But i never think about that class a year after graduation. It has no effect on my day to day life. It will never affect me in the future. I have my bachelor's degree and i have a plan for the future. Life moves on.

But maybe you're just scared of the idea of failure in general, but everything happens for a reason. I was devastated when all of my vet school applications wete rejected. I felt like a failure and that i wasn't good enough and never would be good enough, but if that had never happened then i wouldn't have all the experiences i have today. I wouldn't have a new job that i love and i may not have made improvements in my life. Your failures give you opportunities to learn and grow, and you can make more informed decisions with your newfound knowledge. It's still scary bc you still fear failure, but now you have experience to look back on and reference when in a similar situation. Think about what worked and didn't work for you on your exams. Is there any way to talk to your professor about them? Perhaps you could go over your strengths and weaknesses to find out what you need to work on for your next tests. Idk what country you're in but many professors enjoy when students are passionate about improving upon their grades, so it wouldn't hurt to reach out and ask for help.

Ik it's hard, but you need to allow yourself to be weak. You need to allow yourself to cry until you're exhausted. Crying helps the body release excess chemicals, including those that stress you out like cortisol. Ik it's difficult, but you need to let this biological process happen so that your body can rebalance itself and function properly. The longer you push it down, the harder it will be on your brain and body. So just cry. In your pillow, in the shower, in public: wherever you want. Just let it out. Let yourself feel those feelings. Here's a good graphic to help you do that:

If it's any consolation, I've felt the way you have before. I've felt hopeless and awful and i convinced myself i would never be happy. Just last year i believed people who called me a narcissist, manipulative, a psycho, pathetic, a gaslighter, etc etc. I hung onto those words and convinced myself that i would never be happy bc i didn't deserve it.

Well guess fucking what, i am happy skskks. Im lucky enough to be able to attend therapy and i worked on things with a therapist and with this hard work and time gone by, im better. Im happy. I felt hopeless but i kept on living and now im experiencing so many new an wonderful things! I would've never guessed i would've been this happy a year or two ago, but i am. Sometimes it just takes time. Life will continue despite how stuck you feel, and you will move past these life events and you will smile and you will laugh and you will be able to breathe without struggling not to cry. You need to allow yourself time to heal and grow. Be patient with yourself. You are not perfect, you are human, which is much more exciting than perfection in my humble opinion. If i was there i would give you the biggest hug, squeeze you tight and rock you side to side and let you cry. And once you've gotten it out of your system, I'll make you some food. Maybe broccoli cheddar soup with toasted sourdough. Ooo and apple pie for dessert, with vanilla ice cream. Something yummy that's definitely self indulgent sksksk.

I hope you feel better soon bubby. I hope my words help in some way and if not i apologize. If you want to talk in private, my dms are always open 💕

[ikenbar]

Mr. Love: Ike’s Choice CH4 PT12 (end)

Warnings: (mainly in epilogue if you want to skip that part once you reach it, go ahead) Blood, insinuating a bone breaking, threatening, broken skin, desperate begging, and just evil things all around

... meanwhile we also have fluff!, Gavin fluff!, Victor Fluff!, surprise guest fluff???, also Bart being an icon!, also some insinuated ~✰☽Gayness☾ ✰~ so if you have a problem with any of that you can leave now before you are hooked by the heckin cliffhanger that I have all cooked up for you!! :D

(Chapter Four (Victor and Gavin) Prologue, and part one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, and eleven can be found here!)

Please read the author’s note (and the beginning of the story) on chapter one part one if you’re new here :D

Chapter Four:

Part twelve (end):

She was there again. After all these years, my queen was standing right in front of me. She really hadn’t changed. Sure she had grown quite a bit but,

 It was her. 

She wasn’t very tall. Or plump for that manner. She looked to be only the size of a teenager but, after all the time that had passed from then, I knew she couldn’t have been that young. 

Her hair was brown and shoulder length. She wore a layered white skirt with a striped blue shirt tied just on top of it. She was there. But she was facing away from me. I moved to touch her but my legs wouldn't budge. Why couldn’t she just turn around? Why couldn’t she just let me see her face again?

I called her name 

Everything went black. 

Screams and cries for help filled my head. Scattered footsteps, soft cries, stone grinding stone, a loud bang, and then silence. Pain welled in my chest. A pain I hadn’t felt but somehow seemed familiar. Horribly familiar. It wretched at my insides, breaking me without giving me any kind of release. I wanted to tear the feeling out of me, pull apart my chest until I could find peace again. I just wanted it to stop. To see her again. I just wanted to see my-

I gasped and threw my eyes open. I sat up quickly, clutching at my chest and breathing heavily to steady my racing heart. The dream was over but the pain was still there. It wasn’t as prominent but it was there. What could have caused that? Why was it familiar?? Who was that girl?! 

I closed my eyes and breathed out slowly. "It was just a dream." I whispered to myself, "That girl doesn’t exist. It doesn't mean anything it's… it's just a dream." I repeated those words in my head over and over again but something about it still bothered me. Where had I seen that girl before? Where had I felt that pain before? Why was it all so familiar to me?

I groaned and held my face in my hands. I had a lot of memories that I had repressed from my childhood. That pain was heart wrenching. It’s no wonder I wanted to forget it…

But that girl. She didn’t make me feel bad. In fact, seeing her made me calm. I wanted to be closer to her, to see her face, to hold her. Why would I want to forget that? Forget her?

I looked at my watch. There was just a few minutes until my alarm to work out would go off. I sighed and lay back down. A pain pushed through my chest, not the same one from my dream but a familiar one nonetheless.

 I clutched my side as memories from the night before came flooding back to my mind. I looked over to the living room. Adri stirred from the couch, letting the blanket on her shoulders fall slightly. I slowly got out of bed and approached her cautiously. Being sure to move slowly, I pulled the blanket up and tucked the blanket into her shoulder. She snuggled into it, still fast asleep. I smiled slightly as I looked up. Gavin was sleeping in the recliner. He was sitting up in it. Despite how uncomfortable it seemed, Gavin looked to be sound asleep. I moved to walk back to my bed but paused as something on his lap caught my eye. It was a book. But not just any book. 

It was my high school yearbook. 

A pen rested in the middle, as if marking the page he was on. I smirked and carefully pulled it from him. He sure was obsessed with this book. I put the book away in its rightful place and pulled out a blanket out from a small bin. I gently placed it on Gavin, draping it carefully down his body. He breathed deeply and sunk into the chair further, falling farther into his slumber.

A soft smile blossomed on my lips. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping like this. Not to mention vulnerable. I wonder how he would look with a mustache…

My phone buzzed. I quickly plucked it from my pocket and turned it off. I glanced at Adri and Gavin. They didn’t seem to be phased by it. Sighing lightly, I looked around my apartment. Well, now that I’m up, I might as well continue with my day…

>>>

I smoothed out my work out clothes before carefully picking up my gym bag. I walked to the door and reached for the door knob. Gavin stirred in his seat slightly. I glanced at him. I should probably leave a note if I’m leaving them like this. I tapped my chin and looked around. My eyes landed on the note pad that I kept on the fridge. Taking that and the pen that Gavin had in his yearbook, I wrote a quick note: 

I’ve already headed to work. You’re welcome to anything in the fridge as a thank you for staying over.  I think I have some homemade casserole in there if you're interested. Maria should arrive around seven so, Gavin, you shouldn’t be late for work and, Adri, have a good day at school. Let’s do this again soon.

Talk to you both later,

Ike.

I placed the note in the middle of the coffee table. I gave one last look to my guests before heading back to the door and grabbing my keys. I moved to reach for the doorknob again but paused. The spare key to my apartment enchantingly dangled before me. I looked back over to Gavin.

>

Gavin’s eyelids were overwhelmed by the morning sun. He squeezed his eyes tightly, hoping to get some more sleep. But he found that to be impossible from a craning on his neck. Gavin slowly blinked awake, his memory slowly coming back to him. He looked down. Wasn’t he reading the yearbook? Now, not only was the yearbook gone, but a blanket sat in its place. Gavin looked around the room, stretching as he did so. Adri and Ike were nowhere to be seen. Gavin quickly stood up and looked around again with more fervently this time. The bathroom door opened and Adri walked out of it, eyes looking down at her phone. She glanced up at the room and paused when she saw Gavin.

“G-good morning.” Adri stammered, cheeks becoming slightly rosy, “How’d you sleep?”

“F-fine.” Gavin faltered, his once racing heart easing at the sight of one of the sisters safe, “Where’s Ike?” Adri gestured to the coffee table, leading Gavin’s eyes down to it. There sat a folded note with his name on it. Gavin picked it up swiftly. 

“Also, I think she wants you to have this.” Adri said, cutting Gavin short of reading the note. She tossed something to him, which he caught with ease. It was a key with a separate note attached to it in Ike’s handwriting. Gavin read it.

Just in case.

“I would guess she’d want that for me but I can’t even drive yet.” Adri laughed sheepishly. Gavin smiled sweetly. Much to Ike’s perceptible dismay, Gavin had expected to use that key whenever he had the chance.

>

I stood in the elevator next to a nervously sweating Bart. “How do I look?!” He asked for the umpteenth time that day.

“Like a nervous wreck.” I honestly answered yet again. I had spent the whole day with my team, trying to put together the plan for next week’s filming. We had spent so much time together that day that I hadn’t seen Victor since he had picked me up that morning. It wasn’t like I wouldn’t see him at all that day. In the car, Victor told me that he would like to meet with both me and Bart. I didn’t know why. All Victor said was that it was important. I was unphased by the sudden invite but Bart on the other hand…

“What if Victor hates the color purple?!” Bart asked, looking distastefully down at his violet tie, “I knew I should have gone with vermillion!”

“Honestly, aren’t you the one that does all the interviews?” I asked, arching my eyebrow, “Why are you so nervous?”

“Because! What if Victor is taking back the investment?!” Bart said quickly, as if he had been waiting for my question, “What if the lunch from yesterday was enough to realize that we spend too much time as a family and not enough time as a company?! What if he hates me and wants me out of the picture so you can take over?!”

“Ok, now that we have all the dumb ideas out of the way,” I rolled my eyes, “let’s start thinking of the good ones. He probably has something that he would like to discuss about the investment to the both of us. You know, to make sure we are all on the same page.” Bart relaxed slightly, “Or he has trained ninjas waiting just beyond this door to take us out so he can take over our company.”

“EVELYN!?”

“We’ll be fine… but maybe let me take the lead.”

“Out of the elevator or in the meeting?”

“Yes.” 

The elevator dinged and, after checking for ninjas, Bart and I hurried to Victor’s office. I knocked on the door. “Come in.” Victor called. I walked in and immediately froze.

 Standing in front of Victor’s desk was a petite, professionally dressed young woman. She had brown hair that fell just at her shoulders, framing the knotted blue shirt she had on perfectly. 

She turned to me. 

As she did the flouncy shirt she wore twirled beautifully around her knees. Her eyes were big, brown, and laced with innocence. And her smile could out match a child’s with it’s purity. 

It was her. 

The woman from my dreams. 

She was standing in front of me. 

She was real.

I staggered in my steps as I watched her, dazed and astonished by the sight of her. Part of me expected to wake up. Another part wanted to continue dreaming. The last part was wondering why the heck I hadn’t said something yet. 

Bart set a hand on my shoulder, “I’m sorry.” he said as he peered into the room, “Are we interrupting something?”

“Not at all.” Victor stood from behind his desk, “Bartholomew, Ikamara, this is Youran.” The name sent sparks in the back of my mind, “She is the producer of the Yu Yun Productions Company.” Youran approached Bart and I. Each step she took shockwaves into my head. For some reason, I felt nervous to greet her. I shouldn’t have been though, as her head barely met the top of my nose  from how short she was. I could have thrown her like a football if I wanted to… or hold her close to me like a puppy.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you!” Her voice was soft and sweet like taffy. Despite the strange feelings I had, I stepped forward. But before I could out stretch my hand, Bart had pulled me aside and took Youran’s hand instead.

“The pleasure is all mine!!” Bart enthusiastically said to her, shaking her hand fervently, “I have been a fan of your show Miracle Finder since I was, well, as young as you are!!” Bart belly laughed, causing Youran to smile sweetly. I gulped. “You’re show is the reason I decided to become a producer myself!! Your father was a legend! It was a shame to see him go... I am so sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you.” She said meaningfully, accepting another handshake from Bart, “That’s really sweet of you to say.” Youran’s eyes landed on me, making my heart freeze. She held out a hand to me. “Hi!” She said kindly, “You must be-”

“Ike.” I said, finally finding my voice as I took her hand, “Call me Ike.” Something flashed In Youran’s eyes. Something indecipherable. I hesitated. Did she feel the same feelings that I had?... or maybe I was just scaring her with my staring. Speak, Ike, SPEAK! “I-it’s a pleasure to meet you, Youran.” I continued, hoping to ease away any awkwardness I may have conjured, “What are you doing at LFG? Does Victor have an investment with Yu Yun Productions as well?”

“What company hasn’t he invested in?” Youran grumbled slightly, she leaned forward and whispered, “I swear he has the whole city wrapped around his little finger.”

“Please.” I scoffed, folding my arms, “As if Victor would let in the entire city. He would only have the best of the best then leave the rest to wallow.” Youran laughed with such an intoxicating sound that it should be kept in a music box, ready to be played when I needed it. 

“He could be some sort of super villain.” Youran whispered to me as she glanced back at Victor. I bent over next to her ear and away from Victor’s sight.

“Captain Capitalist.” I whispered back. Youran laughed harder, causing a warmth to bubble in my chest and a smile to spring onto my face.

“Alright ladies.” Victor called from the other side of the room, “Time for leisure is over. Youran, you have a report you need to turn in before the end of the week. Ike, we have a meeting.” Youran rolled her eyes.

“Good luck.” She said sweetly to me.

“Thank you.” I said, holding my smile, “Hey, if you need help with that report, you should let me know. I’m pretty good at writing what Victor wants to hear.”

“Really?!” Youran’s eyes became wide with enthusiasm, “That would be great!!”

“Ladies.” Victor urged.

“Sorry!” Youran said, waving to Victor. She turned quickly back to me. “We should continue this later!” She reached in her pocket and pulled out a business card. She handed it to me. “The second number is my cell phone! Text me next time you’re free!” She turned back to Victor and Bart. “Bye! It was nice meeting you!” 

“The pleasure was all mine!” Bart waved happily to her. She turned back to me, gave me one last smile then briskly walked to the door and closed it behind her. I kept my eyes on her, the business card sitting strangely in my hand. She couldn’t have been real. That can’t have happened... Why did she seem so familiar?!

“Wow!” Bart snapped me out of my thoughts. I quickly turned to look at him, catching his teasing expression before it faded.

“What?” I asked, somewhat defensively.

“Nothing! It’s just… I’ve never seen you smile like that with anyone before.”

My breath hitched, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, it took us months just to get you to talk! You don’t trust anyone who we bring to the house, and you’re cold to everyone in the office.”

“Yes, Bart. Please keep insulting me in front of Victor. I’m sure he’ll appreciate the encouragement.” 

“But one conversation with her and you’re already smiling!”

My face flushed. “Y-Yeah, well. you’re one to talk!” I stammered, slipping the business card into my blazer pocket and approaching Victor’s desk, “‘You’re the reason I became a producer in the first place!’ She’s like half your age, Bartholomew. Calm down.”

“I’m just saying!” Bart defended, throwing his hands up, “She must be a really neat person if she could pull a smile from you that easily!” I opened my mouth to retort but paused. I was inclined to agree with him. Being with her felt so easy. It was like nothing I had felt before. I wonder why that was…

I cleared my throat. “Don’t we have a meeting to start?” I said, taking on a power stance across from Victor and looking steadfastly at him. Victor had his hand to his mouth, seemingly lost in thought. “...Victor.” I appealed. He snapped to and looked up at me.

“Right.” He said, prepositioning himself in his chair, “Bart, have a seat.” Bart, who was still questionably giddy, sat down in the seat next to me. “First thing’s first,” Victor’s tone had become intensely professional, pulling Bart and me into the same professional mood, “As you can see, Ike, your office has moved.” I looked around. He was right. My desk was gone.

I whistled, “Geez, I didn’t even notice.”

“That was because you were too busy making googly eyes at Youran.” Bart sung.

I snapped my head to face him, “I was doing no such thing!”

“Yes, dear.”

“I wasn’t!”

“Just so you know, Maria and I will support whomever you choose to love.”

“Bart!”

“Focus, you two.” Victor snapped at us, bringing our attention back to him. “You can find your office a couple doors down from mine. It’s close enough to your offices that they don’t have to make too much of a trip to visit you, and yet far enough away for you to get some quiet while you work.”

Bart leaned over next to me, “And I bet if you leave your door open, you can see Youran come and-” Bart suddenly cut off. I looked over to him. He was frozen in place. I quickly looked at Victor. He was already looking at me, expression riding more into dourness then professionalism. We locked eyes.

“It’s also close enough for you to come to me any time you feel as if you are in danger.” Victor’s voice was stern but gentle at the same time, “It’s windowless so you need not worry about another attack. I also put a guard outside your door to stop any suspicious characters from coming in. You should be safe there.” I frowned.

“Didn’t I tell you specifically not to get a bodyguard?” I deadpanned.

“You were pretty quiet in the car.” Victor continued, ignoring my questions, “Are you well? How are your injuries?”

“I’m alright.” I sighed and touched my side out of habit, “I had a friend help me patch up. Though it was harder to work out at the gym with a cracked rib.” Victor’s eyebrows fell into a knot.

“Are you an idiot?” Victor tactlessly barked. I looked at him, clearly taken aback.

“Excuse me?”

“You haven’t even had a full day to recover and you’ve already gone to the gym?!”

“It calms me!”

“How does being in pain calm you?”

I rolled my eyes, “Stop worryi-”

“How can you expect to protect yourself, or anyone for that matter, if you can hardly breathe?” I froze. A sweet smile popped into my mind...

 “...Ok, fine.” I huffed, “I’ll stop going to the gym... For now.” 

“Good.” Victor sounded resolute but something was off about it. I didn’t have time to think about it as Bart finished talking. 

“-go as you please.” I looked over to Bart, shoved his face away, then looked back to Victor.

“Now, for the actual meat of the meeting.” Victor adjusted himself in his chair, “After watching how the both of you run your company this past week, I’ve made two observations. The first being, you two have no control over your employees.” Bart tensed from next to me, “I’ve received countless complaints talking about how your employees have been disruptive in the workplace. From being too loud to leaving messes all over the offices.”

“They're just passionate about their work!” Bart defended.

“Your ‘passion’ is making it hard for LFG’s employees to focus on their own work.” Victor retorted. Bart opened his mouth to speak but I held a hand up to him.

“I’ll have a word with them.” I spoke sternly, “What was your second observation?” Victor trained his eyes on me for a second.

“... There is a potential in this company that LFG would like to underpin.”

Bart and I froze.

>>>

Bart held open the door for me as we stepped out of the office, still in shock. “LFG wants to invest in our company.” Bart whispered to me the moment the door had closed.

“Yup.” I breathed.

“Five hundred thousand dollars.”

“Yup.”

We both stood in silence.

And, as predicted, Bart was the first to break it. 

He started wooping loudly and punching my left arm. “WE DID IT, EVIE!!” He yelled, dancing around the room. “We DID IT!!” Bart continued dancing down the hall, twirling and pumping his fists in the air like a lunatic. I rolled my eyes and walked behind him, heart still bouncing in my chest from the news. Victor actually saw potential in our company. In me. He saw my vulnerable side and didn’t leave. In fact,

He supported it. 

This was all new to me... But, it wasn’t bad. 

I looked out one of the floor to ceiling windows in the hall. It had started raining outside, basking the view of Loveland in a soft gray and cleaning it of what dirt it hid in. I closed my eyes and took in it’s sound against the window as my heart slowly calmed to match the underlying beat of it. 

“Hey, Ike!” Bart called, making me open my eyes once again and turn to him. He was standing in the elevator, holding the doors open for me, “You coming?” I nodded, stealing one last glance through the window.

 I stopped. 

From where I stood, I could see the entrance to LFG where Youran was standing. She looked disgruntled as she looked up at the sky. 

“You go ahead.” My voice drifted softly as I kept my eyes on Youran, “The next time I see the team, I’m going to yell at them for their behavior in the office.”

Bart hissed, “Ah right. Ok! See you soon, Evie!” I nodded lazily as the elevator doors shut.

>>>

By the time I had gotten to the front doors of LFG, Youran had taken a seat on the front steps, resting her head in the palm of one hand and using the other to draw circles on the ground with her finger. I adjusted the grip on the umbrella in my hand and opened the door. Youran’s eyes flashed to me once then landed on me again once she saw who I was. She smiled kindly.

 “Hey!” She chimed, turning to face me better. “It’s Ike, right?” I nodded.

“I thought you had left already.” I said, trying to remain nonchalant. Youran sighed and looked at the rain.

“I didn’t bring an umbrella.” She placed her head back on her hand and pouted, “Even though there was an eighty percent chance of it raining today. Heh, I can be an idiot sometimes.”

“Can’t we all?” I popped open the umbrella in my hand and held it over Youran’s head. She looked at me, shocked. “Come on.” I held out my hand, “I’ll protect you.”

>

Victor watched from his office as Youran accepted Ike’s outstretched hand. She helped the little girl to her feet easily and they both walked down the front steps together. The umbrella was tilted to completely cover Youran’s small body, and, even though Ike’s blazer was getting wet, she didn’t show any signs of changing her position. Victor sighed and shoved his clenched fists into his pockets. “So she does remember her.” Victor spoke to himself as he let his mind wander. Old memories coursed behind his eyes, making his eyebrows furrow deeply.  When the two girls disappeared from his sight, Victor walked to his desk and pulled open a drawer. A folder slid into view. On the tab, in big black letters, it read, 

"BLACK SWAN"

“Perhaps it’s not too late.” Victor lied to himself.

Epilogue:

“S-sir!” Dylan choked, “Sh-she surprised me!! But I got a shot in her! I got her arm!!”

Montu ran to catch up but it was too late. The bike had already driven off and out of sight. They breathed heavily and marched back to the building. Dylan moaned from the floor as he slowly came out of his unconscious state. Montu jumped back into the room, charged over to Dylan, and grabbed his shirt. They raised him in the air as if the six foot man weighed nothing. “What did I say, Dylan?! What did I say about LOSING HER AGAIN?!”

Police sirens cut through the air. Montu cursed. “Sir, the cars.” One of the soldiers pointed out.

“Hit the sewers.” Montu growled, rolling up their sleeves, “I’ll deal with the cars. And lock up this disappointment of a man until otherwise instructed.” The men nodded without hesitation, taking Dylan by the arms. 

“Quit your blathering!!” Montu threw Dylan onto the floor, emanating a loud crack as he landed on his elbow. Dylan screamed and cradled it. “I’ll deal with you further at the base.” Montu spat, glaring distastefully down at him, “And don’t for a second think I’ll let you off as easily as I did before.” Dylan gulped. 

“But it’s true!!” Dylan pleaded his empty case as they dragged him away. “She was hurt when I saw her! I shot the bullet right into her arm!! It stayed there! She was in PAIN!! I SWEAR!!”  Montu removed their mask and rubbed the bridge of their nose, hoping to stifle the rising migraine behind their eyes. 

Unwilling to waste anymore time, Montu focused their attention on the cars. They breathed deeply, creating a rising aura of tense air around them. A soft wind tickled their bangs and brushed the warm blood falling from his forehead. Right as it seemed like something would snap,

Montu raised their hand.

The sound of creaking metal filled the air as each of the cars were lifted from the ground, groaning against the invisible force supporting them.

Montu walked to the window, preparing to leave, when they kicked something on the ground. Looking down, their eyes landed on a tool. 

A grinding tool. 

Pieces of skin were stuck in between it’s blades as drying blood dripped down the side of it. Montu bent to inspect it.

“She was hurt, huh?” Montu’s voice was as smooth as butter as they traced their finger along the tool, “How interesting…”

End of Chapter Four :D

(Next)

[dolphin-enthusiast]

Idk if you've done this before and I've got nothing creative so please could I get some Headcanons for The Bucci Gang if their S/o suddenly disappeared out of thin air. Not bc of a stand or anything, she just disappeared and didn't even say goodbye? What if like years later, they come across their S/o again and if they talk, she seems as though she's never met them before? But she actually has no idea who they are. Weird ik but yeah.

My 🅱️ruh u better give urself more credit bc this is one of the most original ones I’ve gotten so far-

Bruno:

- Once he learns about s/o’s disappearance, he’ll be in constant denial for a few days because he simply cannot (and doesn’t want to) grasp the concept of his partner leaving his side like that out of nowhere. He always tries staying as logical as possible even during stressful situations, therefore he’ll try not to worry too much in the beginning, continuously telling himself that s/o has to pop up soon enough.

- Alas that doesn’t happen and after a week the man is in a damn frenzy. Bruno would start being uncharacteristically stressed as well as slightly more snappy, and the gang would undoubtedly notice it too. The man would then begin to eratically search for his partner left and right, sending his subordinates to investigate the entire city, but all to no avail of course.

- Weeks would turn into months, then months would become years and s/o would still be nowhere to be found. Each second of her not being by his side would absolutely crush Bruno’s poor heart, making the man become significantly more closed off and distant. So just imagine the pure shock that would take over his features once s/o would just pop in out of nowhere one day. The pain would only get worse once he’d realize that for some reason she has no idea who he is. Honestly this would entirely fuck him up and he’ll spend (even more) nights fully awake, thinking about what went wrong and desperately trying to find a reason as to why his s/o decided to leave him one day just like that. To be honest, it would have been better for him if she never showed up again at all.

Giorno:

- Similar to Bruno, as in he doesn’t outright panic and tries going over things logically. He thinks of all sorts of scenarios and reasons as to why his s/o would just disappear out of thin air without even leaving him a message or something before going away. It’s extremely uncharacteristic of her he has to admit, but he still tries to keep a (somehow) optimistic attitude. She HAS to show up sooner or later....right?

- But of course that it doesn’t happen and so he takes it upon himself to go and search for her. At first Gio would think that it was the work of an enemy stand or perhaps the mafia again, but turns out that it wasn’t the case at all. No matter where he went to or who he asked, he just couldn’t find a single trace about s/o’s whereabouts. That’s when he’d start panicking for real and would slowly become more and more sleepless and grief filled. He just doesn’t get why s/o would ever do such a cruel and unexplainable thing.

- Gio would be utterly shocked to randomly spot her one day after so many years, so he’d waste no time and approach her with a hopeful smile. That’s when his heart would get shattered once more, for s/o would be looking at him with the emptiest and most coldest look that he’d ever seen. Gio would ask her dozens of questions, but to no avail. She’d keep claiming that she has no idea who he is and that’s when he’d realize that he truly is hopeless. He’ll bitterly accept the fact that he’ll never get his partner back, but the memories of his past are going to haunt him forever. At this point, it’s almost as if it would have been better if s/o was actually dead. Then again, she is dead to him for sure.

Abbacchio:

- Probably the one who would react in the worst way. Like prepare for maximum fucking angst, because this is one of the quickest ways to COMPLETELY fuck this already damaged man over. It’s already hard enough for him to let people in, so just imagine how hurt and betrayed he’d feel once he’d realize that his s/o suddenly vanished from his life without a trace.

- That’s when Abba would swear to never open up to anyone, and this time he’d REALLY mean it. He already lost someone in the past, so this would be like reliving trauma all over again for him. At this point he won’t even search for her, the man would just completely shut off from everything and everyone and dwell in grief and repressed anger. He feels utterly betrayed and keeps beating himself up for being so foolish as to open up to someone else again. Despite the fact that the rest of the gang would be there for him and trying to get him to loosen up, all of their attempts are sadly going to be in vain.

- So when s/o DOES eventually show up after long and painful years, Abba is going to straight up ignore her. Yes, you heard that right. He wouldn’t even want to look her in the eyes, that’s how spiteful and hurt he still is, even after literal years. And it’s probably for the best anyway, because if he were to find out that she also completely forgot about him, that would have been the last straw honestly. Even to this day, Abbacchio keeps telling himself that things would have been far more bearable if s/o didn’t return at all.

Mista:

- Instant fucking panic. He already worries enough whenever s/o comes home later than usual and all of that, so just imagine the sheer anxiety that would take over the poor man when his partner would be nowhere to be found an entire fucking day. And it would only get worse as more days would go on. At some point he’ll even start crying over and over again and no matter what the rest of his gang would try, it wouldn’t help soothe his nerves at all.

- Mista is going to beg his gang to help him find his s/o and the man will literally lose sleep since he’d be unable to stop his racing thoughts at all times. His mind would keep coming up with countless of complicated and highkey tragic scenarios about his s/o dying or getting kidnapped. I mean, that would be the only logical explanation for her sudden disappearance, right? Why else would she just leave him randomly like that? 

- Once s/o shows up again after literal years, he’s going to burst into tears and immediately run up to hug her only to notice that she’s acting extremely off. This wasn’t the s/o that he knew years ago. What in the world happened? The man would bombard s/o with questions, and when she’d reply that she has no idea who he is Mista is going to have a goddamn aneurysm. That’s when he’d throw tantrum and accuse her of being a liar, starting to rant about how hard the past years have been for him and how hurt he was by her sudden departure, only to be met with another empty look from his now ex partner. Once again, maybe it would have been better if she didn’t return at all.

Fugo:

- Reacts almost as bad as Abbacchio tbh. Fugo doesn’t easily trust, but when he does he TRUSTS so he’d feel twice as betrayed by his partner suddenly leaving him. He’d immediately go into panic mode after a few days so he’ll start desperately seeking answers left and right. Poor man would have EVEN more anger outbursts than usual since he’d be stressed out of his damn mind.

- He would start isolating himself and thinking over this entire situation inside the cold emptiness of his room. Literally everything would start reminding him of his s/o and, although he hates showing emotions, the man would start crying himself to sleep night after night thinking about how lovely it felt to wrap his arms around his partner’s body as he contently drifted off to sleep. But not anymore. All of that was cruelly ripped away from him one day, and something keeps telling him that he’ll never experience it ever again.

- Alas his instinct was right, because the day s/o returns Fugo’s heart is only going to get crushed more. The man would instantly lighten up and would almost cry out of happiness once he’d see her again, starting to run up to her only to stop dead in his tracks when he notices the look on her face. His confusion and anger would only grow as s/o would keep telling him that she has no fucking idea who he is. At this point it would be too much and Fugo would just say fuck it and throw a few nasty curses at her before storming off, tears of disappointment and repressed anger running down his cheeks. Yes, it truly would have been better if she never ever showed up again.

Narancia:

- Immediately freaks out after one mere day passes. He starts looking for her left and right, asking anyone if they seen her or if they know anything about her whereabouts. Hell, he’ll even beg Bruno to help him search for her with the most desperate expression ever plastered on his pained face. In the beginning he would try being as optimistic as possible, constantly reassuring himself that it will all solve itself and that s/o will return at some point.

- But that sadly doesn’t happen, and so poor Narancia would slowly seep into despair more and more with each passing day. Every second in which s/o wasn’t by his side was pure torture for him, and at some point he even started to lose good amounts of sleep because of it. Narancia is not one to be negative usually, but this would cause even him to become pessimistic and even hopeless at some point. He’d be constantly locking himself up in his room, most likely crying as he remembers all the wonderful memories that he made with s/o. If he wasn’t curled up in a corner in his room, he was entirely ignoring everything around him and constantly spacing out in his own dooming thoughts.

- Now, the second he sees s/o again he’s running towards her at the speed of light whilst exclaiming that he knew that she’d come back at some point. But this ain’t no fairytale, so Narancia’s dreams would get crushed once again when he hears s/o confess that she doesn’t know him at all. He’ll take it as a joke at first and try to humor her, only to realize that she was dead serious the entirety of time. That’s when the panic would settle in again and he’d desperately try to make her remember him by showing her pictures or telling her things that only she knew about him, but to no avail. Narancia would start wailing again and he’d dread the day that he met her. Sadly, it would have certainly been better if she didn’t return at all. 

Bonus - Trish:

- Absolutely fucking heartbroken, She had dedicated herself entirely to s/o only to discover that she one day disappeared from her life without a single explanation. Although Trish isn’t usually pessimistic, she’d start beating herself up for s/o’s disappearence since she’d start believing that she somehow did something to upset s/o THAT much that she felt the need to just...leave.

- Similarly to Narancia, Trish would soon enough lose the last bit of hope that she had left and would slowly start shutting off more and more. Her appetite is going to decrease and she’ll start having little to no motivation to do pretty much anything. Bruno would constantly be taking care of her and bringing her food, and his heart would break whenever Trish would weakly refuse it all. Literally no one would be able to cheer her up since she’d be literally fucking depressed.

- The day s/o returns though is going to be an even bigger blow to her already shattered heart. She would be unbelievably happy to see s/o again, and so she’ll start asking her dozens of questions only to be cut off by a cold “and who are you?”. Of course that this would absolutely shock Trish and she’ll be confused as all fuck by s/o’s weird ass behavior, but Trish being Trish, she wouldn’t give up at all and would stubbornly press s/o for answers which would only result in her getting more and more angry when she gets no answers. She cannot comprehend why s/o forgot about her, and honestly it would have been better if she never returned altogether.

[nekoazumie]

Dont read the caption if you are uncomfortable with bad medical stuff (I honestly dont know how to explain it but I tried my best in the tags)

I'm not poking fun at anybody I've just been really confused also after I had a really fucking bad mental breakdown along with panic/anxiety attacks and a super bad super long depression episode 2 years ago all while being under alot of streess... I also cant remember jack fucking shit from during that time but ik I was in a lot of pain mentally and kinda physically cuz alot of it manifested itself as physical and it made me lose 30lbs in a month basically all at once. Like I remember what caused it and I wish my brain woulda repressed that memory.

Also am not poking fun at ppl that do self diagnosing either. Alot of the stuff I found out I have was being doing research on it before going in for it and sure as fucking hell yup.

(Also diagnosed my fucking kidney stones 7hours before the doctor cuz he was convinced I was pregnant 🙃 and they gave me medication that made me throw up everytime I went to stand and then got super pissed at me for not being able to hold down any liquid like yeah mate sorry bout that but uhhhh ima throw up NO YOU HAVE TO KEEP THAT DOWN ok but like if I stand I will puke WELL YOU HAVE TO WALK TO THW BATHROOM ight I warned ya and now it's on the floor. Oh yes please continue to yell at me while I'm drugged up and in slightly less pain than when I had gallstones so bad THAT THEY HAD TO TAKE MY FUCKING GALLBLADDER OUT CUZ IT WAS ABOUT TO FUCKING BURST CUZ NOBODY FUCKING BELIVED THAT A 7TH GRADER COULD HAVE GAL FUCKING STONES. But no pleaseee keep bitching at me I really love it also thank you for stabbing me 29 times WITH THE BIGGEST FUCKING NEEDLE YOU COULD FIND YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER even though I fucking refused the IV you fucking stupid bastard of a doctor and nurse. Thank you so much. I totally dont have anxiety attacks about that still. After 2 fucking years. 1 fucking month before my whole fucking mental break.)

OH also for the gallbladder I was told I was drug seeking for at least 2 whole months and also heard the doctor tell the nurse I might have been drug seeking for the kidney stone and yet they prescribed me vicodin which I found out both of my parents have bad reactions to and it made me very dizzy and angry.

Anyway I hate hospitals and I'm sure there are actually many many good doctors out there and I've meet many nice nurses its just that since 7th grade I've had nothing but assholes that dont listen to a damn word I say. I had 2 good doctors and 1 transferred and the other I had to stop going to cuz my health insurance ended a month after the whole kidney thing.

Sorry for ranting

[ursoself-satisfying]

an OC sneak peek [2/?]

ok heres another w the accompanying oc!!! its ginger n maryanne 4ever!!!!! i lov them sm!!!!! but anyway heres another excerpt from around the same time n its MORE angst n I hope u like my vagueness lol,, PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK!!! LEMME KNO WHAT U THINK!!!! ilyall enjoy ::””)) IM GONNA PREFACE THIS W THE FACT THAT IK IRL BRIAN IS A PURE MAN N THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN N ANITA IS A GODDESS BUT THIS IS JUST FOR THE DRAMA ITS TOTAL FICTION I MEAN ABSOLUTELY NO DISRESPECT TOWARDS ANY OF THEM its got some cheating ig so be aware that anita is my mom n the loml pls dont call me out ::(( 

---

“Anything to drink?” He asked casually, causing the girl to squirm in her seat. Her discomfort was amusing to him, as she was the one who had traveled out in the first place. She was present of her own volition but acted as though her emotions had such an irresistible hold on her, or rather Brian did, that she was there out of a primal need rather than any conscious decision.

“No- No, I’m ok, thank you.” The tall man glanced back at her with a soft, sad air about him. This feeling often came with their interactions as of late, despite their past. He averted his gaze from her body and turned his attention on pouring himself some tea instead. They existed in simple silence for a few moments, the only sound in the small kitchen was that of the kettle on the stove and the pouring of boiling water in his cup. He stood at the counter and took a long sip before turning slowly to sit across from his unsolicited guest. A feather soft smile graced his lips as he took her in. Even in an unfortunate situation, she was unbelievable, the same as ever.

The woman bit her lip before leaning forward and uncrossing her tense legs, “So, uh, wh-”

Brian set his drink down with a small clink on the table, the sound meant to interrupt her question. He just stared into the hot earthy contents for a moment and stirred it slowly. “Anita’s at her semi-annual retreat this week without me.” He cleared his throat, “I couldn’t spare the time between the post-production bustle and having to prepare for the cosmos convention.” His smile was thin and he took a sip of his tea before continuing, “I’m home alone for a while,” his eyes traced the woman’s silhouette before meeting her gaze as she was doing the same to him, “but I think you knew that.”

“Look-” She started quietly, but ultimately she could maintain the eye contact long enough to finish and slouched for a second instead. Ginger looked down at his comment, avoiding the aim of his accusatory glance. With a huff, she sat up and turned to face suddenly face him directly. “Maryanne kicked me out for the night.”

The elder of the two raised his brows and put his cup down with a concerned expression. “She kicked you out?” He asked incredulously.

The redhead swallowed, “Shes ‘moving on’.” She spat her words at him with a clear distaste for her lovers choice of actions as well as words.

The long fingers of the guitarist slid across the table and laid open for an embrace. Ginger glanced up at him cautiously before deciding his soft eyes held genuity and she laced her hand in his. The tips of his digits wrapped around her like they were made to fit with one another. Her hands in his caused a wave of emotions to ripple from the contact and Brian could barely handle it. He sniffled and slowly let his thumb slide over the never aging skin of the woman he once adored, and though he would tell himself otherwise, he still adored.

“I'm sorry,” he began, but she shook her head violently with an angry frown. She unintentionally squeezed his outstretched hand but he squeezed right back.

“Don't be. She’s just-” Ginger sighed, “She's different now, you know?”

Her aura slowly shifted from that of deep warm hues to softer cooler tones, from red and oranges to blues and purples like a dying flame coming down from its hottest point. Brian could feel the shift shoot through her and he prepared himself to stand and hold her the minute she needed him to.

Ginger looked up to meet Brian's sympathetic stare. He had always been the key to their emotions and it unlocked some kind of flood gate in her. She could feel it rush all at once in seemingly every part of her body. “I just don't wanna lose her, Brian!” She let it our like a gust of wind from her mouth, a storm of repressed worried. “I can't-! Not like I lost you!”

Just as he knew he would be needed, the man stood and went to her side. She stood as he approached and let him engulf her in his long arms as tears escaped and ran down her already red cheeks. She was shaking, having no way to handle or process the realization their return had thrust upon her. Brian held her sobbing head close in his chest, stroking her short hair and tightening his limbs protectively around her warm body. She could feel him place a small kiss on her head, whispering and cooing to her as he once had long ago, “Hush now, it'll all be alright, my darling girl,” his voice would waver now and again as he calmed her, “my sweet, beautiful, darling, darling, girls.” The smaller hands of the woman held dependently to the collar of his sweater and she choked back a final sob before attempting to speak again.

Her small voice came out with a rasp, raw from her cries, as she tilted her head back to meet the eyes of her familiar love, “We made things work, Brian. Why can't we just be like that again?” She pleaded with shining green eyes that took the man to another scene for a moment, one of discovery and firsts, one full of ecstasy and elation, but one so different than his present. “We were happy, Harold. Why can't we be happy again?” A weak attempt at a smile graced her lips at the loosening of her tongue, unfolding the old name like opening an old scrapbook.

Had her hands not been traveling up his changed face to tether him to his physical body, her use of his other name, so intimate and exclusive, would have had him lost right then and there in the sensation she provided. She cradled his face and her shaking lips begged to be kissed, tangling her fingers in his grey curls to entice him. Drifting closer and closer until he was bent to breathe down her neck, the temptation became too much.

It may have started at the neck but it moved in hot streaks from the necks to jaws to lips on lips. While Ginger's hands were preoccupied with the buttons of his shirt, Brian’s were holding her as close to him as he could, sprawled out on her back dangerously close to her ass. She mapped out his chest with the tips of her nails while her tongue did the same with his mouth. Nothing needed to be mapped, really, because for her it was like walking down a road to your first home. Even after you've left it, you'll always remember how to get there, no matter how much shrubbery grows over the path or how long it goes unattended. Brian was their home and they always seemed to find their way back to him, regardless of the distance put between them.

Brian thought she was exactly the same. Everything about her physically was just as she was when she left him. He then pulled away at the reemergence of that memory. As he separated from her, she mewled in protest, the loss of connection cold on her. That was right, though, she had left and he had stayed. Years and years had gone by and he had made a life for himself, more of a life, or in the very least a life without them.

“Brian,” Ginger moaned, trying to snake her arms back around his neck, “baby, what's wrong?” Her eyes were closed and her shirt was half haphazardly pushed up but her exposure only made Brian suddenly feel sicker.

“You know what's wrong, my love.” His languid fingers worked to pry her needy form off him with much difficulty. Her pouts turned to frowns and he gently, if not reluctantly, pulled her clothes back in place on her but she swatted him away as he spoke. “Ginger, darling, all of this is what's wrong.”

He motioned to them, to the empty house, to the hairs sticking to her face like sunny, golden, cherubic looking locks. She was glowing, but wasn't she always? She was in his eyes but that only made it all harder. “What?” She spat, “That- That I still love you? That's wrong?”

So much of it hurt him but he- He had to. It was really the only acceptable course of action. The teenager in him beat on his heart like Roger on a gong and begged and pleaded for there to be another way, for him to run away with her like he was 17 again, but he was old and his heart no longer reverberated in his chest like it used to. “You're the most intelligent creature I've ever encountered, my love. You know why all this is wrong.”

The tears returned and rolled down her face in record time as she bit her lip. “Why can't things go back to the way they were? It was perfect-”

He sighed, “The world is always changing-”

“I love you, Brian Harold May! And you still love me! I know you do! Isn’t that what you taught us?” With calculated steps, she aimed to close the distance between them but the older man kept her at arms distance now. “If we're in love then we should be together!” With every word, her speech became less and less intelligible through her sobs. “I just- I don’t understand!”

His heart shook as it shattered in his chest at her final words, a final crash to end an epic saga. “Things are a lot more complicated now, Ginger. You'll understand someday-” He held back his own tears and watched her pace the floor in front of him.

“Don't be so fucking condescending!” She snapped, stopping to look him in the eyes, the same eyes she saw when she first arrived. They were the only consistent thing in her long life, the love he held in his gaze. It softened her against her will. She wanted to be angry, not for the first time ever, but for the first time for personal reasons.

Brian paused at this. He had never seen her exhibit this much emotion before especially not aggression. All this time and he wasn't sure if he’d ever seen her this mad. “I'm sorry-”

“Don't be.” There she was. She was back to being cold. Face dry and slack, she was a woman of logic and decision. She collected herself and her things, jackets, and bags scattered around the room, refusing any help or assistance offered by Brian.

He didn't do a thing to stop her in the end. He knew she would find somewhere else to go, to stay, someone else to keep her warm. He had no doubt about that. She was well loved and well read, but ignorant in the ways of society. He worried but he couldn't have stopped her if he’d wanted to anyway. He desperately wanted to, but he knew the second his skin sparked on hers again he wouldn't be able to stop this time. No one in his life deserved that, his kids didn't deserve a father like that and his wife, God, she deserved more than he was being right then.

The door closed with a slam and Brian watched from the window as she got in her car but she didn't leave. She just sat there, hunched over her steering wheel and what he could only assume was yelling. Her mouth was wide and her eyes were shut tightly. He hadn't even realized the tears falling from his own eyes. He didn't wait for her to leave, he couldn't take the site of her any longer, not here not like this.

Behind some of his amps, Brian kept a box. It was filled with old photos, some bits of clothing, and all sorts of pieces of art. His favorite, of course, was the photos though. There they were, all together, smiling and in love. The three of them, they were- They were unstoppable, untouchable. It was golden with them, always. God, he thought how did it come to this? How could their story have arrived at this conclusion? And all Brian could assume was that this simply wasn't yet the conclusion.

[babyawacs]

#mafia #states #swamp #states #germany   .@fisa @fisa .@judge @judge @j udges .@judges .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_why s @france24 @haaretzcom @bild @phoenix_de @wired @wireduk guilty. liabl e. causing authorities. local shitball authorites. paid or deeply dependent on causing authroities. why would they charge you for bringing them thei r ownpoisons for the shit they do allthetime. whywouldthey need alibis ?!? or bagatellise their crimes and things they shoudlve prosecuted  imeanth is when my supportsystem must get their cockroach german ccockroachgerman cocckcroaches for the authorities whilethey try tricks whichof their crimes sticks as victimblame the cockroachauthroities gotojail withthe s cums itis german government caused guilty liable causing because itis intel itis which trick sticks shitcops are partofthe trick they got now handsdown deedtyped 20years in e m a i l whats going on of the shit allknow allalong beca use them messs allallong youkn owits worse. hadtheynot levered out barricades thetrick wouldve evenworked . hooooowmany others didtheydothetrick with .@fisa @fisa .@judge @judge @jud ges .@judges .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_why s @france24 @haaretzcom @bild @phoenix_de @wired @wireduk  #blatant #inco mpetence xraymurderer bombout squeeze  #lawyers other examples int el botch mistake leads to cockroach gets control overcase, cockroach uses ci villians with give eachother alibis, cant get into daytime,must leverout barricades but they give eachother an alibi with buzzword forit torepeat an d getawaywithit untilthey dont or the civillian walks away. movesaway. but untilthen analibi. thenlater ifit works again it works again.  theff f f f f f f f f f f f f f f  f ?!?!? sgerman sgermany.  sero tolerance with in comeptence on obvious facts. the civillian must demystify??,!??!?  this c ase: immunisation after intelbotch averted for: behold: "better not,who k nows who you join and waht you build then" this. allthe shit for 20years b ecause of this and a fraudsystem trick of nothinghappensnesss but they dogive eachother alibis dontthey  #bliss #fools #in #slave #servant #lull s #do #not #judge #how #you #survive #a #fraudhell #them #fraudsystems #ma de .@fisa @fisa .@judge @judge @judges .@judges .@law @law @harvard_law .@har vard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @haaretzcom @bild @phoenix_de @wired @wireduk #lawyers ********* get from the supercourts and t ime "yes, we should have never expected civillian support systems to go after scums, which was allalong the job of the authorities, but those cause d the mess as mistake and hosted proxies as fix" *********  this howmany times did earlier case analysers confirm factually right thi s remove the trick thegermans use cause themess flip causality equali se with the survivors oftheir shit blame support later inbroken shitsys tem s that try to fraud sth themselves instead be liable accountable t hey e a si l y flip the trick aswell  frameit obscure pendulums or  aeh -lllllllllakmus-aeh-tests asifthe facts wouldntbe clear a l l along as daytimecharged so repeatedly under risk what they quelled const antly blissfools donot judge how you survive a fraud hell them fraud systems made  /////// lawyers say homersimpsoy tricks of scums mix es with drugs of scums mixes with thinkabout a topic brainwave readout  s o what why can germa ns immminently arbitrarily a c c c e s s s s s s s s s s s s to mess between drowsy topic think strafe to subconscious to conscious to intent to deed intent to deed  to repeated deeds where does t he shit scale this youdemystify cockroachgerman cockroaches try   a n y t h i n g for 20years dirty dollty trick was partof it since 2001 a verfass ungsschutz trrick early on but it neversticks and they get bored aboutit sothey e x c e s ss s s ss s s s s s s s in notime it becomes all what t hemare about allalong ontop of who granted em access afterwards they fengshui nothinghappened or see what sticks as victimblame trickery allalong itisntjust deedtyped itis before d u r i n g a f t e r daytime charging it risking  a n y t h i n g to bec ause itis the authorities that cause themess they  shuffle proxies shuffle harms and now y o u priority is posiontricks today suffocaitosn gasersabove then ballsmess the implants are not applicable forminors but afix for german monstrosiities by how it was and what wife needs germancockroaches near t hat?!? why? what the ///// #batshit #nuts #demystified #101   .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_ law @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @haaretzcom @bild @phoenix_de @wired @wireduk #lawyers these now 147am are either mischief minors or clowns theyre about pretending people arent themselves nuts whenever theyget an gry or emotional or sth they  all are themselves allofem all hund red cases ever inbillions of people some  in very l a t e stage f e a r diseases (these get worse in years) snap play pretend theyre arnold schwarzenrambpo to tackle renounce pain fear anticipation of pain they a l l are themselves  but this way  they process fear and pain re nouncing it fromself all hundred of em e v e r inbillions of pe ople centuries the intels  that brainfuck all in any way purpsoeful l ikely tried to utilise it forspygames use the stigma to pullout people ou tof society to discredit leaked info itis the first thing snowden expec ted the  classic trick inthis ingerman is hatedrug like raf terror trial s 1980s victims seem like hate nuts youget after headimpact pack!!!! cata pult hits as angry asyoucanget that multiply with tenfold whenyouhave  probable c a u s e to be furious that is onetrick another trick is quell suppress shortterm memory thebraindoesnt store inlongterm memory and woa whaddayamean youdont rememeber and suddenly theyre someone e lse with intelcoma drug eraser effect of thewake is one thing crimes o nintelcoma autopilots withotu realising chekcthebook point a to g or po nt a to point h  the stateofminds ofthe zombis dont cockroach drugs on theletters  this is how itworks a mix of humbug like rohrschach asso ciation test humbug left brain right brain hemisphere humbug  using 10pe rcent of brainhumbug brain region clasification humbugs its highly dy namic network brains  4hemispheres top and bottom too turnsout you need  a l l ofit just not atthesame time this alone demystifies 90percent of earlier pretends and templates and fooltricks as humbug the forehead cooking of the intels to make sheeple controllable damamges forehead fore headinnermiddle raped kids angry get cooked spreadit with trick never d eveloped stigmas controls the population as fools  underdeveloped fools just that they damamge them to fit to a stigma itis fullofthis shit all ofit fullofit fullofshit the find difference shitballs is related toth at itis not what the clowns pretend contradictory itis an indication for the nuts that are emotionally outof control inthe e x t r e m e s of ma nia etreme outrageous undamapened highs quickly drop biologically into dep ressed low and this clinical this is the find contradiction shitball for they callthat bipolar shitballs this case with repressed anger is s t o i c rather whatthey do what allsee whats deedtyped and now you can demystify the intel shits whenthey tried to f a k e these saytonaswinn homersimpsoy tricks forins tance unthinkable hadone trickwokred iget suffocation eraser  the old est trick that damamges brains damamges heart damages brain memory is suffocations verydangerous theyddidthis with arsendie interoxidaustaus ch cellsuffocatiosn displaceoxygen with co co2 and neon and now you kn ow itis one two three four five different harms of thosuands of harms a nd tricks deedtyped allalong ///// #isnt #there #a #purple #lightsa ber #samuelLJackson #for #this #stuff #somewhere .@law @law @harvard_law .@ha rvard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @haaretzcom @bild @phoenix_de @wired @wireduk #lawyers lawyers  can we charge those that separate m y wife from me a n y info in 17years marriage or just 13years marri age that this is  n o t how it shouldvebeen but foremost that them quell a n y info  not even c hamber access while germans dothose things why arethey not liable for t hat lackof information they are guilty liable daytimecharged authoritie s they would rather try to damamge me or charge me for posting my own inv entions because t h e m quelled it behind intelwall because t h e m fraud the case into daytime obviously as charged daytime withthe german government //// #sex ual #hint  right here rightnow because itis intel and iget xray radar m ruderbeamtricks tothis veryminute and because sexuality is oneoftheir mai n worktools to chain or smear or discredit ******** hooooowmany ti mes didgermans try to reinterpret sexuality in 20years m i c r o s c o p y ******** this  means that they rape murder poison experimernt operate arbitrarily  w ha t t t t t t t t they want pedo o rgy deedytyped after daytimecharigng it suffocatignme eventhis mo ment 2259 but  ********* test if the porno you see once a year has a green or already yellow ta gging all had titts ********* unlike their crimes daytimecharged upto echr3781/20 fringe quell kill + sexual assault with minors dayt ime charged tothis fucking january dismsissed thatthe germans coul d do what up until t   o d a y yesterday ///// publi sh how often this fraudsystem endangered wife maron hoooowmanytimes while q uelling anyinfo hooowmany of the incidents were obviosuly fail of p rotect im murder xray radar muderbeam tricked this verymoment in a bg b roomrent contract insuch conditions shuffling scums andharms charg ing that hooowmany times didthey take onthe support system because they are guilty liable daytime charged anytrick and decoy but immunise? ev enif daytiem???!?!?chargingit?!? and give back whats his???? what kin dof system doesthat whatkindof system wants to know l e s s ss s s what t he scums do in such conditions hooooooow many times did they take on wife instead quellany info but triestofind tricks to cutherdown while allalong obviously fraudsystem caused mess a fail guilty liable cau sing authorities daytimecharged repeatedly make it intheir fucking lowranks fluctuation sucker clownsuckers this is a fraudsystem bo tch this is a german government +timecontrol accomplcie caused mess which shuffle cockroachproxies any decoy any harm they getawaywith //// #save #anyway  btw btw btw no doom lawyers i insist jailscu ms we save em and if were the mainsufferer ofthemess evenmoreso /// lawyers we savethe kids a n y w a y.  we dontletem we invovleinternatioa nalcopgirls and weput authoritiesin firstline oftheir accountability dire ctly letalonefor repeat. our lever is not the minor they use and hedge a f t  e r alltheir crimes before thisis their solution?  gotit anything wit hthat pedo sleaze dirtydolly trick harms but we save them a n y w a y  / //// #reinterpret #hedge #trickery as any cruddy lawyer they dowhatall c ruddy lawyers do. tryto reinterpret facts and hedge anything remotely hedge able. just that they do so against widely known hard tested facts. constant ly. allalong.  any agree notagree shitball ishedged andifnot thentricked. w hat did the civillian typeyou here ******** findout if they repeated c rimes while their lawyers covered that and inthis situation didtheir crud dylawyer trick hedge anything hedgeable reinterpet anything reinterpetabl e ***** "#it. #was. #all. #the. #quibbledish": #zombi:   @law @law @har vard_law .@harvard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @haaretzcom @bild @phoenix_de @wired @wireduk  did their lawyer let em repeat crimes: accom plice checkifthey hedged agree notagree shitballs. asif that overturns fa ctuality iwrote this for year with a buzzword quibbledish orso where h alfofthecooked would agree without ever knwoing whattheword is, because imadeit up right then but this gotrefined with a brainmess to agree or n ot agree itisntjust the dull and damage itis efforted tricked here sero tolerance with incompetence navi does not beat theres no road anyway wh atever the navi says who else makes transparency about these tricks who made transparency about lets say trick: agree to unknown=conf lict agree to unknown ominuous possible=thinkaboutit delay interpreted as agree aaaaandsomuchmore (smashwords.com/books/view/ notforspies-whatis ahumanbeing book 55 2210) ///   #find #nano #oilantenna #sex #im plants #fix #for #monstrosities fidn xraymurderer  beta or radar nui sance: drowsydizzy  strafes fascinatingly playful asian playful anime or ma ngaa orso that triggers aaaaaaw adorable and oddly playful theycompensate hardline with playful- triggers protect and aaaw: remote contorlled back leg implant buzzers for boner tricks which doesnt happen because itslikely brain actuatored nerve actuatored but the trickery remotecontrol messes wit himplants itis noboner on even assmolest underway orso but themolester maybe on sexdrug with twominutedelay the same stuff triggers boner  it mustbe nerve relevant actuatingthen other implants notmine are then alway sboner allnight fromthe backleg toimplant trick inallofthis the messwit h ballsfill deepclean balls lock  hideous ballsfill right tobe on inte lcoma and prostate drugging is allthetime asgroinmesses deed typed intel luxury them:  aboner aboenr aboenr aboner! lets reinterpret his sexuality knewit! a confirmation for what ipretend allalong while imole sthim and hedoesnt notice but all letme molesthim with intelacces you: urgh!!!!!! once more demystified intelluxury donttouchmy implant s wife fixes it based on howitwas+whatsheneeds with heartonedge dontme ngele anything ///// #visualise #horror #show #hoooowmany #times  today is neardeath mixtrick findoutifthe cocktroachgerman cockroaches try blackmail shitball you slap this hooooowmanytimes the germans amde a horror show of their ilelgitiamte  a c c c e s s s s thanks to fraudsystem which lullsit as g erman fengshui hoooooooooooooowmanytimes visualise ////  scums and g ermans often tickby opportunistic tricks. atrick that works is a trick t hat works is a trick that works. beit fornow.  neuralnetworks shuffle dat a forthand back and sort them in a trillion trial-error to reduce errors causality is forthem neglectable deviation fromthe filter is the norm ie error correction  but that doesntmean they wouldntmake a trillion erro rs itis brilliant sorting tools but highlight causality  ********* ma ke a : because for: causality because this. triggered this, that is li ke thhis now. ********** //// @bild @bild_de @phoenix_de dinge sind nicht beliebig und austauschbar. ursache wirkung besipieslweise. dumme menschen verstehen nicht wie schlaue ticken, aber das haelt sie nicht zwi ngend davonab einen mit nem stein zu heilen vor dem komischen ding da d abei ist das oft nichtmal derenschuld menschen machen das wozu man sie  er moeglicht wozu sie hinwachsen das ueben sie darin werden sie besser d as ist eine tatsache des lebens und der anpassung an die umstaende des lebe ns systeme pervertieren das dann halten sich einige tatsaechlich fuer goettlich und die anderen naja pech gehabt und nu ran andie pyramide  (ja mrs skinner) @law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @haaretzcom how iplay is giveem thechance to complain about jail.  iam near death mix brink poisoned again. bombthe cockraoch ou t. itdosntmatter whothey are itdoesntmatter whatthey want they shuffle harm and oneofthese cockroaches shows upwithpoison and tries sth. the alibi co ver is sth else like achepabooster but roomgaser circuitboardpusher and acc ess cockroach poisosn neardeathmix gethtepieceof crap and squeezeit let sgetus answers inclduing who supplies em piece of crap itis so monstrous beneath surface usually  noone gets that its amiracle whenits back to c ivilised thatthey can c  o m pl a i n about calling them cockroaches  t hem the bbbestintent sneakaround barricades toraidchamber with intelacces s for pedo orgies tosmear the hooker trick as alibi and if itdoesnt work wit hpedotrick its back to hideous murder tricks behidn earlympahtic aimed is: #why #would #a #fraudsystem #causing #the #mess #grant #them #regul arly #harm #wiggle #room #then #hah.. #weird .@law @law @harvard_law .@har vard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @haaretzcom where is this repeat s o often untilthey get prerogative fantasies thing from. isit really lack of prevention only they got that its legal and legit to what with em? mro ethan once? /// #it #is #germany #they #use #minors #with #poisons # if #thats #purposeful   #like #monsters #they #flip #between #the #necess ary #monstrous #and #the #moral #arbitrarily #fitting #their #s #t #a # t #e #i #n #t #e #r #e #s #t #s   find the poisongaser and xray cockroach german /////// find the poisongaser and xray cockroachgerman what is law saying about mistakes in robustness on  r e p e a t e d crimes of sc ums they dontjust sexual assault poison mengele arbitrarily but r e p ea t so what is law saying when a security person r e a l l y gets pi ssed withem ***** situations that wouldntbe just self defense  but  nothilfe, not bystand on repeat crimes letalone forcing shitcops to do their job basically them covering scums ****** to repeat crimes rea lly dirty criminal authorities caused mess intheir swamp just shuff le proxies and inthis to repeat crimes when security is overly robus t r a r e l y whats law saying  ******** and when allofthis happens in raiding your own chamber posiongasing you inyour own chamber ***** *** bombout cockroachgerman gaser with murderer mix  squeezeit for a civillian bombout means flashbang robust squeeze means question yous eethis on things  a f t e r thebombout like: if shitcops refuse toget the ir scums theycan s i t i n j a i l with the scums I am Christian KISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophistication #THINKTANK + #INTEL #HELL HOLE #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.com/ Inquiry@BabyAWACS.com PHONE / FAX + 493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss

#mafia #states #swamp #states #germany   .@fisa @fisa .@judge @judge @j udges .@judges .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_why s @france24 @haaretzcom @bild @phoenix_de @wired @wireduk guilty. liabl e. causing authorities. local shitball authorites. paid or deeply dependent on causing authroities. why would they charge you for bringing them thei r ownpoisons for the shit they do allthetime. whywouldthey need alibis ?!? or bagatellise their crimes and things they shoudlve prosecuted  imeanth is when my supportsystem must get their cockroach german ccockroachgerman cocckcroaches for the authorities whilethey try tricks whichof their crimes sticks as victimblame the cockroachauthroities gotojail withthe s cums itis german government caused guilty liable causing because itis intel itis which trick sticks shitcops are partofthe trick they got now handsdown deedtyped 20years in e m a i l whats going on of the shit allknow allalong beca use them messs allallong youkn owits worse. hadtheynot levered out barricades thetrick wouldve evenworked . hooooowmany others didtheydothetrick with .@fisa @fisa .@judge @judge @jud ges .@judges .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_why s @france24 @haaretzcom @bild @phoenix_de @wired @wireduk  #blatant #inco mpetence xraymurderer bombout squeeze  #lawyers other examples int el botch mistake leads to cockroach gets control overcase, cockroach uses ci villians with give eachother alibis, cant get into daytime,must leverout barricades but they give eachother an alibi with buzzword forit torepeat an d getawaywithit untilthey dont or the civillian walks away. movesaway. but untilthen analibi. thenlater ifit works again it works again.  theff f f f f f f f f f f f f f f  f ?!?!? sgerman sgermany.  sero tolerance with in comeptence on obvious facts. the civillian must demystify??,!??!?  this c ase: immunisation after intelbotch averted for: behold: “better not,who k nows who you join and waht you build then” this. allthe shit for 20years b ecause of this and a fraudsystem trick of nothinghappensnesss but they dogive eachother alibis dontthey  #bliss #fools #in #slave #servant #lull s #do #not #judge #how #you #survive #a #fraudhell #them #fraudsystems #ma de .@fisa @fisa .@judge @judge @judges .@judges .@law @law @harvard_law .@har vard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @haaretzcom @bild @phoenix_de @wired @wireduk #lawyers ********* get from the supercourts and t ime “yes, we should have never expected civillian support systems to go after scums, which was allalong the job of the authorities, but those cause d the mess as mistake and hosted proxies as fix” *********  this howmany times did earlier case analysers confirm factually right thi s remove the trick thegermans use cause themess flip causality equali se with the survivors oftheir shit blame support later inbroken shitsys tem s that try to fraud sth themselves instead be liable accountable t hey e a si l y flip the trick aswell  frameit obscure pendulums or  aeh -lllllllllakmus-aeh-tests asifthe facts wouldntbe clear a l l along as daytimecharged so repeatedly under risk what they quelled const antly blissfools donot judge how you survive a fraud hell them fraud systems made  /////// lawyers say homersimpsoy tricks of scums mix es with drugs of scums mixes with thinkabout a topic brainwave readout  s o what why can germa ns immminently arbitrarily a c c c e s s s s s s s s s s s s to mess between drowsy topic think strafe to subconscious to conscious to intent to deed intent to deed  to repeated deeds where does t he shit scale this youdemystify cockroachgerman cockroaches try   a n y t h i n g for 20years dirty dollty trick was partof it since 2001 a verfass ungsschutz trrick early on but it neversticks and they get bored aboutit sothey e x c e s ss s s ss s s s s s s s in notime it becomes all what t hemare about allalong ontop of who granted em access afterwards they fengshui nothinghappened or see what sticks as victimblame trickery allalong itisntjust deedtyped itis before d u r i n g a f t e r daytime charging it risking  a n y t h i n g to bec ause itis the authorities that cause themess they  shuffle proxies shuffle harms and now y o u priority is posiontricks today suffocaitosn gasersabove then ballsmess the implants are not applicable forminors but afix for german monstrosiities by how it was and what wife needs germancockroaches near t hat?!? why? what the ///// #batshit #nuts #demystified #101   .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_ law @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @haaretzcom @bild @phoenix_de @wired @wireduk #lawyers these now 147am are either mischief minors or clowns theyre about pretending people arent themselves nuts whenever theyget an gry or emotional or sth they  all are themselves allofem all hund red cases ever inbillions of people some  in very l a t e stage f e a r diseases (these get worse in years) snap play pretend theyre arnold schwarzenrambpo to tackle renounce pain fear anticipation of pain they a l l are themselves  but this way  they process fear and pain re nouncing it fromself all hundred of em e v e r inbillions of pe ople centuries the intels  that brainfuck all in any way purpsoeful l ikely tried to utilise it forspygames use the stigma to pullout people ou tof society to discredit leaked info itis the first thing snowden expec ted the  classic trick inthis ingerman is hatedrug like raf terror trial s 1980s victims seem like hate nuts youget after headimpact pack!!!! cata pult hits as angry asyoucanget that multiply with tenfold whenyouhave  probable c a u s e to be furious that is onetrick another trick is quell suppress shortterm memory thebraindoesnt store inlongterm memory and woa whaddayamean youdont rememeber and suddenly theyre someone e lse with intelcoma drug eraser effect of thewake is one thing crimes o nintelcoma autopilots withotu realising chekcthebook point a to g or po nt a to point h  the stateofminds ofthe zombis dont cockroach drugs on theletters  this is how itworks a mix of humbug like rohrschach asso ciation test humbug left brain right brain hemisphere humbug  using 10pe rcent of brainhumbug brain region clasification humbugs its highly dy namic network brains  4hemispheres top and bottom too turnsout you need  a l l ofit just not atthesame time this alone demystifies 90percent of earlier pretends and templates and fooltricks as humbug the forehead cooking of the intels to make sheeple controllable damamges forehead fore headinnermiddle raped kids angry get cooked spreadit with trick never d eveloped stigmas controls the population as fools  underdeveloped fools just that they damamge them to fit to a stigma itis fullofthis shit all ofit fullofit fullofshit the find difference shitballs is related toth at itis not what the clowns pretend contradictory itis an indication for the nuts that are emotionally outof control inthe e x t r e m e s of ma nia etreme outrageous undamapened highs quickly drop biologically into dep ressed low and this clinical this is the find contradiction shitball for they callthat bipolar shitballs this case with repressed anger is s t o i c rather whatthey do what allsee whats deedtyped and now you can demystify the intel shits whenthey tried to f a k e these saytonaswinn homersimpsoy tricks forins tance unthinkable hadone trickwokred iget suffocation eraser  the old est trick that damamges brains damamges heart damages brain memory is suffocations verydangerous theyddidthis with arsendie interoxidaustaus ch cellsuffocatiosn displaceoxygen with co co2 and neon and now you kn ow itis one two three four five different harms of thosuands of harms a nd tricks deedtyped allalong ///// #isnt #there #a #purple #lightsa ber #samuelLJackson #for #this #stuff #somewhere .@law @law @harvard_law .@ha rvard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @haaretzcom @bild @phoenix_de @wired @wireduk #lawyers lawyers  can we charge those that separate m y wife from me a n y info in 17years marriage or just 13years marri age that this is  n o t how it shouldvebeen but foremost that them quell a n y info  not even c hamber access while germans dothose things why arethey not liable for t hat lackof information they are guilty liable daytimecharged authoritie s they would rather try to damamge me or charge me for posting my own inv entions because t h e m quelled it behind intelwall because t h e m fraud the case into daytime obviously as charged daytime withthe german government //// #sex ual #hint  right here rightnow because itis intel and iget xray radar m ruderbeamtricks tothis veryminute and because sexuality is oneoftheir mai n worktools to chain or smear or discredit ******** hooooowmany ti mes didgermans try to reinterpret sexuality in 20years m i c r o s c o p y ******** this  means that they rape murder poison experimernt operate arbitrarily  w ha t t t t t t t t they want pedo o rgy deedytyped after daytimecharigng it suffocatignme eventhis mo ment 2259 but  ********* test if the porno you see once a year has a green or already yellow ta gging all had titts ********* unlike their crimes daytimecharged upto echr3781/20 fringe quell kill + sexual assault with minors dayt ime charged tothis fucking january dismsissed thatthe germans coul d do what up until t   o d a y yesterday ///// publi sh how often this fraudsystem endangered wife maron hoooowmanytimes while q uelling anyinfo hooowmany of the incidents were obviosuly fail of p rotect im murder xray radar muderbeam tricked this verymoment in a bg b roomrent contract insuch conditions shuffling scums andharms charg ing that hooowmany times didthey take onthe support system because they are guilty liable daytime charged anytrick and decoy but immunise? ev enif daytiem???!?!?chargingit?!? and give back whats his???? what kin dof system doesthat whatkindof system wants to know l e s s ss s s what t he scums do in such conditions hooooooow many times did they take on wife instead quellany info but triestofind tricks to cutherdown while allalong obviously fraudsystem caused mess a fail guilty liable cau sing authorities daytimecharged repeatedly make it intheir fucking lowranks fluctuation sucker clownsuckers this is a fraudsystem bo tch this is a german government +timecontrol accomplcie caused mess which shuffle cockroachproxies any decoy any harm they getawaywith //// #save #anyway  btw btw btw no doom lawyers i insist jailscu ms we save em and if were the mainsufferer ofthemess evenmoreso /// lawyers we savethe kids a n y w a y.  we dontletem we invovleinternatioa nalcopgirls and weput authoritiesin firstline oftheir accountability dire ctly letalonefor repeat. our lever is not the minor they use and hedge a f t  e r alltheir crimes before thisis their solution?  gotit anything wit hthat pedo sleaze dirtydolly trick harms but we save them a n y w a y  / //// #reinterpret #hedge #trickery as any cruddy lawyer they dowhatall c ruddy lawyers do. tryto reinterpret facts and hedge anything remotely hedge able. just that they do so against widely known hard tested facts. constant ly. allalong.  any agree notagree shitball ishedged andifnot thentricked. w hat did the civillian typeyou here ******** findout if they repeated c rimes while their lawyers covered that and inthis situation didtheir crud dylawyer trick hedge anything hedgeable reinterpet anything reinterpetabl e ***** “#it. #was. #all. #the. #quibbledish”: #zombi:   @law @law @har vard_law .@harvard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @haaretzcom @bild @phoenix_de @wired @wireduk  did their lawyer let em repeat crimes: accom plice checkifthey hedged agree notagree shitballs. asif that overturns fa ctuality iwrote this for year with a buzzword quibbledish orso where h alfofthecooked would agree without ever knwoing whattheword is, because imadeit up right then but this gotrefined with a brainmess to agree or n ot agree itisntjust the dull and damage itis efforted tricked here sero tolerance with incompetence navi does not beat theres no road anyway wh atever the navi says who else makes transparency about these tricks who made transparency about lets say trick: agree to unknown=conf lict agree to unknown ominuous possible=thinkaboutit delay interpreted as agree aaaaandsomuchmore (smashwords.com/books/view/ notforspies-whatis ahumanbeing book 55 2210) ///   #find #nano #oilantenna #sex #im plants #fix #for #monstrosities fidn xraymurderer  beta or radar nui sance: drowsydizzy  strafes fascinatingly playful asian playful anime or ma ngaa orso that triggers aaaaaaw adorable and oddly playful theycompensate hardline with playful- triggers protect and aaaw: remote contorlled back leg implant buzzers for boner tricks which doesnt happen because itslikely brain actuatored nerve actuatored but the trickery remotecontrol messes wit himplants itis noboner on even assmolest underway orso but themolester maybe on sexdrug with twominutedelay the same stuff triggers boner  it mustbe nerve relevant actuatingthen other implants notmine are then alway sboner allnight fromthe backleg toimplant trick inallofthis the messwit h ballsfill deepclean balls lock  hideous ballsfill right tobe on inte lcoma and prostate drugging is allthetime asgroinmesses deed typed intel luxury them:  aboner aboenr aboenr aboner! lets reinterpret his sexuality knewit! a confirmation for what ipretend allalong while imole sthim and hedoesnt notice but all letme molesthim with intelacces you: urgh!!!!!! once more demystified intelluxury donttouchmy implant s wife fixes it based on howitwas+whatsheneeds with heartonedge dontme ngele anything ///// #visualise #horror #show #hoooowmany #times  today is neardeath mixtrick findoutifthe cocktroachgerman cockroaches try blackmail shitball you slap this hooooowmanytimes the germans amde a horror show of their ilelgitiamte  a c c c e s s s s thanks to fraudsystem which lullsit as g erman fengshui hoooooooooooooowmanytimes visualise ////  scums and g ermans often tickby opportunistic tricks. atrick that works is a trick t hat works is a trick that works. beit fornow.  neuralnetworks shuffle dat a forthand back and sort them in a trillion trial-error to reduce errors causality is forthem neglectable deviation fromthe filter is the norm ie error correction  but that doesntmean they wouldntmake a trillion erro rs itis brilliant sorting tools but highlight causality  ********* ma ke a : because for: causality because this. triggered this, that is li ke thhis now. ********** //// @bild @bild_de @phoenix_de dinge sind nicht beliebig und austauschbar. ursache wirkung besipieslweise. dumme menschen verstehen nicht wie schlaue ticken, aber das haelt sie nicht zwi ngend davonab einen mit nem stein zu heilen vor dem komischen ding da d abei ist das oft nichtmal derenschuld menschen machen das wozu man sie  er moeglicht wozu sie hinwachsen das ueben sie darin werden sie besser d as ist eine tatsache des lebens und der anpassung an die umstaende des lebe ns systeme pervertieren das dann halten sich einige tatsaechlich fuer goettlich und die anderen naja pech gehabt und nu ran andie pyramide  (ja mrs skinner) @law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @haaretzcom how iplay is giveem thechance to complain about jail.  iam near death mix brink poisoned again. bombthe cockraoch ou t. itdosntmatter whothey are itdoesntmatter whatthey want they shuffle harm and oneofthese cockroaches shows upwithpoison and tries sth. the alibi co ver is sth else like achepabooster but roomgaser circuitboardpusher and acc ess cockroach poisosn neardeathmix gethtepieceof crap and squeezeit let sgetus answers inclduing who supplies em piece of crap itis so monstrous beneath surface usually  noone gets that its amiracle whenits back to c ivilised thatthey can c  o m pl a i n about calling them cockroaches  t hem the bbbestintent sneakaround barricades toraidchamber with intelacces s for pedo orgies tosmear the hooker trick as alibi and if itdoesnt work wit hpedotrick its back to hideous murder tricks behidn earlympahtic aimed is: #why #would #a #fraudsystem #causing #the #mess #grant #them #regul arly #harm #wiggle #room #then #hah.. #weird .@law @law @harvard_law .@har vard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @haaretzcom where is this repeat s o often untilthey get prerogative fantasies thing from. isit really lack of prevention only they got that its legal and legit to what with em? mro ethan once? /// #it #is #germany #they #use #minors #with #poisons # if #thats #purposeful   #like #monsters #they #flip #between #the #necess ary #monstrous #and #the #moral #arbitrarily #fitting #their #s #t #a # t #e #i #n #t #e #r #e #s #t #s   find the poisongaser and xray cockroach german /////// find the poisongaser and xray cockroachgerman what is law saying about mistakes in robustness on  r e p e a t e d crimes of sc ums they dontjust sexual assault poison mengele arbitrarily but r e p ea t so what is law saying when a security person r e a l l y gets pi ssed withem ***** situations that wouldntbe just self defense  but  nothilfe, not bystand on repeat crimes letalone forcing shitcops to do their job basically them covering scums ****** to repeat crimes rea lly dirty criminal authorities caused mess intheir swamp just shuff le proxies and inthis to repeat crimes when security is overly robus t r a r e l y whats law saying  ******** and when allofthis happens in raiding your own chamber posiongasing you inyour own chamber ***** *** bombout cockroachgerman gaser with murderer mix  squeezeit for a civillian bombout means flashbang robust squeeze means question yous eethis on things  a f t e r thebombout like: if shitcops refuse toget the ir scums theycan s i t i n j a i l with the scums I am Christian KISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophistication #THINKTANK + #INTEL #HELL HOLE #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.com/ Inquiry@BabyAWACS.com PHONE / FAX + 493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss

#mafia #states #swamp #states #germany .@fisa @fisa .@judge @judge @judges .@judges .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @haaretzcom @bild @phoenix_de @wired @wireduk

guilty. liable. causing authorities. local shitball authorites. paid or deeply dependent on causing authroities. why would they charge you for bringing them their ownpoisons for the shit they do…

[real-did]

How do you tell if your alters are real, or if you made them up? I have maladaptive daydreaming, and I thought I had OSDD1b, but I'm not sure. Everyone says I could have repressed memories, but I think isolation and minor emotional abuse from my dad were all I had to deal with, and Ik that's not enough to cause a split

I think it’s important to remember that hearing voices, feeling as though you have multiple identities, identity disturbance, feeling as though you have “imaginary friends” that are unusually vivid, having a complex inner world, having quick mood shifts, having a poor memory, even dissociating sometimes- none of this is inherently DID. 

DID is a set of symptoms caused by a set of events. Specific traumas cause dissociation and fracture the identity into specific alters (most alters fit/are shaped by what caused them to split off). In this way, you can sometimes tell what traumas occurred while still repressing them. Significant dissociative amnesia is required for DID, but it need not be significant for OSDD-1b. As far as I know, OSDD-1b requires the trauma component as well (but I’m sure someone’s made an exception on that somewhere). 

The primary symptom of dissociative disorders, of course, is dissociation. So if you have DID or OSDD, you will likely heavily dissociate, you’ll have alters tied to repeated intense traumas, and even with OSDD-1b it’s likely that you’d experience occasional dissociative amnesia/memory issues. cPTSD or PTSD is a very common comorbid diagnosis. 

Maladaptive daydreaming can sometimes present similarly, with a complex inner world and vivid characters. It’s often a coping mechanism for trauma, but tends to be social isolation/alienation/bullying. If it’s comorbid with other disorders, one could experience identity disturbance, dissociation, psychosis, etc. Maladaptive daydreaming can be more of a coping thing and less of a disorder, but DID/OSDD are dissociative disorders.

That said, I think you should seek professional help and explain what’s going on. I can’t diagnose you online, only provide information about the two. To help you distinguish, though, ask yourself- how severe is your dissociation? (you can try taking the DES but make sure to take it conservatively, exaggerating your answers won’t serve you well). Is your functioning impaired in a significant way by your experiences? 

I’m here to support you either way, but I strongly strongly urge you to seek professional help.