#Community writings

[talon-dragonbeast]

Anglocentrism in alterhuman communities: ramblings of a Spanish-speaking dragon and a cat

[original in spanish here, though i have no doubt that this version will be disseminated more widely] • [original en español aquí, aunque tengo la certeza de que esta versión se difundirá más ampliamente]

this post was originally written as part of The Sol System's Alterhuman Writing Challenge. written by @talon-dragonbeast, with the help of my sibling @watcherwingedcat. we hope you like it!

word count: 2422

This writing, which is more of a rant with myself than a proper essay, is one I've been meaning to write for a long time; ever since I first joined an online community, to be more precise. Anglocentrism, according to Wikipedia (and yes, the irony of the article not being available in Spanish is not lost to me), is "the practice of viewing the world primarily through the lens of English or Anglo-American culture, language, and values, often marginalizing or disparaging non-English-speaking or non-Anglo perspectives."

If you are monolingual and your native language is English, chances are you have never stopped to think about the advantage this gives you over those of us who are not so fortunate as to be born with the lingua franca on our lips. Yes, you may have had to study some Spanish in school, but let's be honest, very few people remember what they learn in elementary school. As an English speaker, the whole world is built for you, and it's the rest of us who have to fit your mold. Culture, scientific articles, movies, books, video games, the internet, online communities, technical language, educational videos: even in the most international spaces, everything revolves around English. Which brings me to the subject of this writing: The Alterhuman community.

My name (as I am known on the internet, at least) is Talon. I've been a member of the alterhuman community, and more specifically, the otherkin community, for a little over a year now. Otherkin (a word that comes from other, in Spanish otros; and kin, shortened form of kind, in Spanish tipo) are people who identify as nonhuman in some way. For example, I identify as a dragon (among other things), and that's what I am, even if I look human on the outside and am perceived as such. There are many reasons why someone might believe they are not human, but I'm not here to discuss that, so let's get back to the topic at hand.

Since I've been in this community, I haven't written a single post in Spanish. And not for lack of desire, nor because I am intimidated to share something as personal as my mother tongue. No, the reason is simple: The community does not exist in any language other than English. By this I don't mean that there are no non-humans outside of England or the United States, because of course there are (even if they are on other platforms like TikTok or Instagram), and I'll talk about those later. But simply put, the reason you don't see many alterhuman communities in other languages is because all the resources, the introductions, the chronologies of the (English) alterhuman community, the definitions of the terms, the terms themselves, everything is in English.

I have always been bilingual. Well, trilingual actually, although my third language is not too relevant in my day to day life and I only use it in classes or when someone starts a conversation in the language. It's hard to explain how your brain works when you speak multiple languages fluently, but basically it's like running two parallel systems at the same time, but with thoughts. I don't usually think with words, but when I do it usually happens that some of my thoughts are in Spanish, and others in English, roughly in a 50/50 ratio. Or it can also happen that I start the thought in one language, but finish it in another. Or I may try to use a specific word in English that does not have an exact translation into Spanish, so that when translated literally the sentence does not make sense. Basically, everything I write or say out loud I have to run it through several filters first, one to remove the words from the other language, one to find the words to replace them with, and one to make the sentence make sense. Sounds exhausting, doesn't it? It is. Now imagine if in order to express yourself as you really are, in order to participate in a community with beings who understand and accept you like no other, you had to basically suppress half of who you are, all the time.

The problem is not only not being able to use my native language to express myself. As I have demonstrated in the last year and a half that I have been in this community, I am fluent enough in English not only to be understood when I speak, but also to express such complicated concepts as the self, human nature, the psychology of being, and all that comes with existing as nonhuman. The real problem comes when I try to express relatively common alterhuman concepts in my native language. I'm not just talking about labels like otherkin or therianthrope, which can be adapted to Spanish with relative ease. It's the little things, the simplest things.

For example, the term shift. The word itself is already difficult to translate; during my searches, I found a glossary of terms on the Otherkin Hispano website in which they call them "desplazamientos", which... is an accurate translation, I guess, but impossible to use comfortably in everyday life. There are also terms whose definitions use expressions that simply cannot be translated into other languages. For example, otherkin and otherhearted. In English, the difference between these two terms is that otherkin means "[to] identify as" while otherhearted is "[to] identify with". But this is a purely English expression. In other languages, the distinction does not exist, or it makes no sense to use it; therefore, these terms are totally inaccessible to any international user. Or compound words like "catkin", which are difficult to express in other languages. According to Otherkin Hispano, in Spanish it would be said as is without translation, Soy catkin. But that... is not grammatically correct, since it would be mixing two languages in the same sentence. The most appropriate would be to say Soy gatokin, which sounds wrong and doesn't make sense anyway, because kin is still an English word. Or "hearttype", which in Spanish could be roughly translated as "tipo del corazón" (kind of [the] heart). When saying that you have a specific hearttype, for example "corvidhearted", one way of expressing it could be a simple Soy corvidhearted, which carries the same problems as catkin. Or you could, as Wikipedia advises, say Soy corazón de córvido ("I am heart of corvid"). I don't dislike it, to be honest, but some might find it too metaphorical or poetic.

Finally, and before reaching the conclusion, I want to dedicate a few paragraphs to talk about the alterhuman community that exists in other languages. I mentioned before these communities; that although they do exist, they are very scattered through platforms such as TikTok or Instagram, with which I am not so familiar. But since I can't talk about Anglocentrism without at least talking about the Spanish-speaking alterhuman community, I asked my sibling Watcher @watcherwingedcat what it thought about the topic. This is what they wrote:

Hi guys, I'm Watcher, and I'm here to talk a bit about the Spanish-speaking therian community, which I think is the pristine example of the hate we receive both from people outside the community and from those inside, both Spanish and South American. While this post focused more on the language barriers, I want to focus on the real consequences of this barrier, how it divides us in the way we interact with each other: The social part of this whole thing (as I already said some other time or another and some of my followers know, I am studying Social Education, so from my point of view the social part is very relevant for everything we do). As my sister already said (hi Talon!), the English community is the majority in alterhuman spaces, but, what is the Spanish-speaking community really like?

Not very large, is the answer. The term itself is not very widespread, and the community is quite small. However, after a while of searching, I found it in a little corner of the internet. When I found a community in my own language, I was excited, but my curiosity and joy were soon extinguished... When I saw the reactions to their videos and posts on tiktok mainly. They were packed with hate messages. Packed. If you think hate in the English community is bad, you are not prepared for the hate received in other communities, especially the Spanish one. This is more a matter of culture, a little bit also due to the closed mindedness in countries like Spain, Argentina, or Colombia.

In general, the non-humans of the Spanish-speaking community mostly post about quadrobics and masks. At least, I haven't seen much beyond that, and the community is mostly in tiktok. And the reception of their expression of way of being? Disgusting. To give an example of how bad the hate is, in one of the videos I found (I think it was a therian making a mask or something), humans and non-humans were insulting the therian posting the video, discussions about how we are crazy and sick in the head and should be in mental institutions... It was horrible. The worst were the death threats, even, wishing the therian to die, or hang themselves, or worse (I've even seen rape threats). Comments that said things like, "If my sister told me she was a dog I would take her clothes off and force her to sleep outside and eat animal food, if she wants to be a dog I will treat her like one." Threats of abuse, both physical and sexual... Absolutely disgusting. And the worst thing is that the tiktok platform did not remove these hate accounts, the copy and paste messages of insults, the threats....

I am proud of the Hispanic community for being so open about their identity, don't get me wrong, but there are times when it is safer to just not share that part of who we are with others, especially if you are a minor and vulnerable. That's another issue that concerns me, as I've seen people coming out to parents, siblings, friends, and them just belittling them. That, coupled with misinformation, is a recipe for disaster.

I couldn't help but notice the deep root of misinformation in the non-human community itself. They confuse definitions, the different terms, which leads them to spread even more misinformation. This I don't think is entirely their fault, or that they are so young for the most part, as I have not seen Hispanic therians over the age of 18. I think this is largely due (as Talon already mentioned) to the language difference, and the lack of translation of certain terms. In general, when talking to friends with whom I am open about my non-humanity, I use English terms. It is a little weird to use those words in English while speaking in Spanish, but I am bilingual and for now there is no solution to that. I think the Spanish community would benefit from spreading correct information, and having a platform to express themselves with their own, like tumblr is for the English community. Something my sister expands on in dreir post. As for me here I finish my little comment, I'll leave you with Talon now. Watcher out.

As a conclusion, I would like to talk about the consequences that Anglocentrism might have on non-English speaking alterhumans, and then propose some ideas on how we might begin to address (or at least mitigate) it as a community.

First of all it is the obvious; the vast majority of non-English speaking alterhumans simply never realize that they are alterhumans in the first place, on account of the language barrier. All of the resources for beings who are questioning their humanity or lack thereof are in English, so they are not accessible to people who don't understand the language; therefore, a non-English speaker would have a much harder time accessing them. Another consequence is not being able to express your alterhumanity fully, both internally and externally. Remember when I mentioned that my thoughts are evenly distributed between English and Spanish, always keeping a 50/50 ratio? Well, recently, I have noticed that when reflecting on my identity as a dragon, all my thoughts are automatically generated in English. I find this deeply shocking, as I feel that a fundamental part of my identity is being eroded. It is devastating to feel that you can only express half of who you are, suppressing what could otherwise be a complex and multifaceted identity. Not being able to express myself in my other language limits my ability to explore that part of myself.

Anglocentrism is a cycle that never ends; since all the resources are in English, no members in other languages can join, and since there are no members in other languages, all the resources that are created are in English. And while I wish I could say that I have a solution to end this Anglocentrism once and for all, unfortunately, I do not. I am only one person (dragon), and this is a problem that I alone cannot solve. True, there have been some commendable attempts by the international community (translations of writings, alterhuman blogs in languages other than English, the Eurokin server on Discord are some examples); however, these initiatives often don't often get very far because of the very nature of the community. As I have already said, most of the alterhumans are North American or English, therefore any attempt to globalize the community would be restricted by the fact that there are not many members who would be interested in this in the first place. So what can we do to change this? The answer lies in you, reader. If you have a second language, encourage yourself to create writings in it from time to time. If you come from a culture other than the mainstream, talk about how that affects your identity. If you have traditions specific to your country that you believe are alterhuman in nature, share them. And if you are part of the English-speaking majority, I invite you to contribute in a positive way through simple actions, such as listening to us when we express ourselves in other languages, recognizing that we do not all share the same culture, and keeping an open mind when discussing topics that may be unfamiliar to you. Our strength as a community lies in the diversity of our members; let's embrace it.

[the-otherspace]

The Fine Line Between Dragon and Bird: How Otherkinity and Otherheartedness Overlap

In September of last year, I had the strangest alterhuman-related experience - and this is coming from the guy who is actually multiple guys in one body and who is also a dragon posing as a human. In a strange turn of online events, my anxiety and even my autism had manifested as a newfound identity I hadn't ever considered before. I found myself taking on an otherhearted identity I didn't even know was possible, because I’d never considered it before. One day I was my usual dragonself and the next day, I ended up a dromaeosaur instead.

I was doing my usual mindless scrolling on Tumblr one day and found a great illustration of a fluffy little dromaeosaur. This was the culprit. It was like any other dino post so I filed it away under the “dinosaur tag” tag on my blog with the other posts featuring birds and other related paleo critters, but something felt a little different this time around. Typically, I relate to dromaeosaurs but don’t typically examine that feeling any deeper. But this little thing felt new. It felt very me. Looking at the little creature caused me to shift in a way that was very much not dragon-like (and if you remember me mentioning it at any point, I'm supposed to be a dragon and nothing else.) Imagine my surprise when it was my feet and hands that actually shifted, matching the wing-like arms and the “beast hipped” (translation: theropod) features that all dromaeosaurs have.

In a panic, I asked Tumblr “Hey, can being -hearted come with shifts?” To my knowledge, heartedness was supposed to be something that happened in the mind (or, for some, in the soul.) That's not to say I assumed mental shifts were involved - I had thought this whole time that having a hearttype didn't come with any kind of shifts. Apparently they can! Apparently there have been many discussions unknown to me regarding the fine line between otherkin and otherhearted. I guess I missed the memo.

I spent an entire week in raptor-hand mode accompanied by an almost animalistic anxiety, like my anxiety knew this was the kind of bird-brained fleet-footed anxiety humans don't tend to experience. I had a heightened fight-or-flight response that was similar to how I feel when surrounded by too many people in a public space, except this felt more feral. I felt vulnerable, but also quick to react, like my animalistic instincts were on overdrive. Even the way I walked felt different, like I had nimble avian feet attached to my human torso. I'm surprised I didn't have a tail shift during this because I always feel my dragon tail during shifts. If I did have a bird tail, it probably would have freaked me out how inflexible the thing was.

Unlike most folks I see in my circle of follows and mutuals, I don't personally experience species dysphoria. But this week of dino-shifting caused a strange kind of identity crisis, because I was suddenly something else. Something less mythical, less furry, and something that didn't even have the external ears I'm so used to having! My dragonself is very mammalian in the way it manifests, with fur and paws to match. But my dinoself was feathered, bipedal, and lacked the wings on my shoulders that I was so fond of. My entire species had changed just because I'd looked at some cute fluffy raptor art. It felt dizzying.

So, that week, I was walking around my house in Super Autism mode - raptor hands and all. It reminded me of how I walked around when I was a kid, hunched over and pretending to be some kind of freaky animal (At the time, it probably would have been a sharp-tooth from The Land Before Time mixed with a dragon and the Beast from Beauty and the Beast to make it extra cool and weird.) I tried to downplay the new dino shifts, making sure my partner didn't see me raptoring out in the kitchen as I made my coffee and scurried back to my office. But at my desk, in the middle of my usual blogging work, I kept at least one hand tucked close to my body as if it were a wing, wrist bent in the most bird-like way that I could without hurting the human parts of me.

This new part of me felt similar to the way I talk about my headmates in parts - the angry part, the nurturing part, the sexually-driven part, the part that’s always the voice of reason. I have this intrinsic draconic part of me that feels in tune with my spirituality and my plurality - it’s the form I take in headspace and it manifests as some kind of “astral” form there. But then there’s this pretty literal down-to-Earth (because of flightlessness) part of me that represents more of my physicality - the awkward body posture, the anxiety, the sharpened mind. I am one part mythical space being and one part Earth bird, but the line between them can sometimes feel blurred. For one thing, both are animals. There is still a certain kind of animality to my dragonself, even though I’m otherkin and not therian. Both are creatures that do not exist in this world (as in, their theriform counterparts don’t exist here) so they both feel almost mystical. Also, I don’t actually think I know how to fly as my dragonself, and dromaeosaurs certainly can’t fly. There’s more similarity between these two selves than I expected.

Once Dino Week was over, the shifts subsided and I found myself back inside my familiar and comfortable dragon identity with all the normal shifts I typically experience. The dinosaur stuff never came back so aggressively, but I gained a stronger (and already pre-existing) appreciation for dromaeosaurs and their kin. I've proudly taken on the label of otherhearted and have accepted that there isn't always a full-on separation between otherkinity and otherheartedness. Sometimes, that line gets blurred and we discover more similarities between ‘types than differences.

[that-dreaming-dragon]

Dragons and Hoarding 龍與囤寶習性

I remember seeing somewhere on this concept of accepting the humanity, or the influence of, in our nonhuman identities.

Where some idea we have towards some preestablished creature, and how we think we should behave and have instincts of, perhaps the way how this world's human sees them have affected how we see ourselves. This sort of phenomenon and acknowledgement I think is more natural for fictionfolk, conceptfolk, or others that have more human touch like objectfolk. I recon there likely a lot of resistance from generally nonhuman focused subcommunity.

(I'm adopting -folk suffix from the fictionfolk term, denoting any general alterhuman relation or identities tied to that subject. So say objectfolk would be anyone that may have some sort of relation towards objects, whether it be an archetrope, heartedness, or the vaguest sense of connection, etc)

Whenever we talk about draconity, about 9 out of 10 people think of hoarding. And it's like the most natural behavioral instinct to associate with draconity. But just like there are more than meat-eating, fire-breathing, webbed-winged, scaled, large 6-limbed lizard dragons, there are dragons who don't hoard.

I think about it sometimes, about my participation in the topic of hoarding and draconity, about my own inconsistent hoarding tendencies. Am I performing what is expected of me from other fellow dragons, or what humans expect of dragons? Do I truly have the instinct to hoard, or is it just other mental health or neurotype factors? Orthohuman has the term hoarder, other creatures besides dragons hoard, why is hoarding such a big defining draconic trait?

Chinese translation under the cut.

我記得在某處看到這種接受人性，或是人性對我們非人類的身分所有的影響的概念。

就是這種對於現有的物種，和我們該如何表現，或該有什麼樣的本能，甚至是對於種種物種的認知是否有些觀念是來自人類的，這樣的一個觀點。我覺得這樣的一個現象和認可，或許對於來自故事或跟構思概念相連的的眾民[1]，或是跟人類有密切關係的物件眾民，是比較自然而然的。我想在較專注於非人類自我的分群裏頭，會對於這樣的觀點產生比較大的牴觸。

(我把-folk/眾民，這個後綴從fictionfolk拿來配用在其他的身分上頭。眾民/-folk這個尾綴是在表示跟一個主題有任何人另經驗[2]的關係或自我認同。比如說，物件眾民是任何跟物品有可能相關聯的個體。不論是典型套路[3]的自我特點，心連[4]，甚至於是最模糊的關係等。)

每當我們討論到龍性的時候，十之八九總會提到龍收珍藏寶。這算是最常跟龍性聯想在一起的習性本能。不過就像是龍並不只有食肉噴火，蝠翼鱗身，四足兩翼的巨大蜥蜴龍種，有的龍是不收寶的。

我有時候會在參與龍性與收寶的主題討論時，思考著我自己不規則的收寶傾向。我難道依照其他龍的預想，或是人們對龍的期望，來作了個演出？我是真的有收寶的龍本能，還是這只是受心理健康或神經多樣的影響？原人類[5]有囤積者這樣一個字眼，龍以外有其他的生物也會收藏囤寶，為什麼龍囤寶的習性會這麼的凸顯呢？

翻譯筆記 Translation note

1- 眾民 (-folk), the totality of a group of people A lot of the translation of this nature that denotes a group of people or just people, in general, uses the words or have connotations strictly containing humanity. I want it to be species vague and still show "the totality of this subculture", thus 眾 (the populace), and 民 (the people, the denizens) are organized in this way. Can be shortened to just the first character used. 很多folk的翻譯字只帶有人類這樣的含意，我想要表達一個物種模糊的感覺，然後保持著「所有在這個分群裏頭的個體」這樣的一個概念，所以把民眾反了過來用。也可以單純寫[物種]眾。 2- 人另經歷 (alterhuman), human(ity) alternative experience. The translation doesn't use the words that denote a "physical experience" (體驗) but a more general, almost mental experience. The specific one is picked because alterhumanity is a lifelong experience, and it is vague on how it is experienced. The way the words are arranged, instead of 另人 (alternative human) is exactly that (人另). The ambiguity provided by the swap in position gives more room for human and nonhuman alterhuman experiences alike. Experience有幾個翻譯，體驗是其中一個。不過體驗的體給我太大「這是身體的經驗」感太強了，所以我用了一個比較概誇籠統，比較心神上的體驗來作翻譯。用經歷是因為這是一個終身的經驗和體驗，這樣翻也會在如何體驗方面顯得比較模糊。Alterhuman，或是Alternative Human 直翻是另類人類，那個的含意和感覺都不好，況且跟英文不同，真的去強調人類。反過來之後的含糊感給了我更多空間來表達人類另外經驗所包含的人和非人的經歷體驗。 3- 典型套路 (archetrope), archetype trope. Literally translated and the words picked to best suit the vibe the concept of archetrope gives me: the role, the title, the trope, the narrative space which one occupies, where one embodies and performs. 直譯典型archetype和套路trope兩字。我專門挑典型和套路來作翻譯是因為兩者合起來的感覺比較對得上archetrope這個自我認知概念： 一個身分定位，頭銜，套路，或自我所體現和展現的敘事空間的自我特點。 4- 心連 (hearted), heart connected In the abstract that is otherheartedness, it is the most basic connection, a relation towards a subject, that you feel you identify with. 在它心連感這樣的抽象概念中，這是一個對於一個主題的認同，一種最基層的連繫感。心的連結。 5- 原人類 (orthohuman), origin(ally) human Shortening originally into origin human, someone who has typical human experiences and identities, non-alterhuman. 從原來人類縮短成原人類。指一個擁有典型人類經歷和身分自我，並非人另經歷的個體。

[a-dragons-journal]

Chicken or Egg: Causes of Fictionality

This post was crossposted to the Fictionkind Dreamwidth (linked above).

One of the questions I hear a lot about fictionfolk from outside observers, though less than I used to, is about whether a fiction-based identity can really predate the media it's based in. The answer, of course, is observably that yes, it can; many fictionfolk report that the experiences that lead them to a fiction-based identity long predate exposure to the media that finally made it all "click" and gave them a name. The other answer is that it doesn't matter - even if the identity wasn't present before exposure to the source media, it's still just as real and important as if it had been.

I don't think, however, that I've often or maybe ever seen discussion of the fact that sometimes it's just impossible to tell. I don't know whether my hearthome predates my exposure to Avatar. When I first watched Avatar, you see, I was young enough that I don't really have any recollection of it - a few vague impressions, and the fact that we watched it the first time on my aunt's brand-new widescreen TV (very exciting), and the fact that I immediately integrated a version oftsaheylu (the neural bond that Pandoran creatures can make with each other) into some of my worldbuilding projects afterward, and that's about it. I have a poor childhood memory (a poor episodic memory in general, for that matter); the only reason I know that my draconity is as old as it is is because I have childhood friends with a far better memory than I who remember me talking about feeling a tail when we must have been only eight or nine years old. I simply do not remember whether or not any experiences linked to my hearthome predate my exposure to Avatar, or whether Avatar caused them wholesale.

The fact of the matter is, it's probably a mix of both. On the one hand, Avatar is a piece of media infamous for creating hearthome feelings in people - there was a whole phenomenon called "post-Avatar depression" or "the post-Avatar blues" when it came out, where people worldwide got so invested in the world of Pandora that they fell into a legitimate depression episode because it wasn't real. (Real thing, look it up. News outlets reported on it and everything.) It is, in all honesty, almost designed to do so - the hearthome feelings, I mean, not the depression. Pandora is designed from the ground up to get people to fall in love with the world, and to then transfer those feelings to Earth and environmental efforts here. That's Avatar's mission statement - and it does it well. There's a reason literally half of the first movie is dedicated to just exploring and experiencing Pandora, and a reason that the game Frontiers of Pandora spends so much time and resources on the details of the world around you.

On the other, realistically, one must assume that Avatar hit me so hard because it was tapping into something that was already present to some extent. People connect to fiction because it speaks to something already inside them, as well as teaching them something new. What exactly that was in my case, however, I can only guess. Maybe it was the wildness and green beauty of the world; maybe it was tsaheylu and the intimate and complete connection that it provides; maybe it was the specific creatures and plants and some pre-existing connection there. I just don't know, and realistically never will.

And you know what? I'm okay with that. I don't know why Eywa'eveng is hearthome to me, and I'm fine with that - it is, and that's what really matters. I don't know what's chicken, what's egg, and what's the evolution that happens over cycle after cycle of both. Maybe I would have longed for something undefinable even if I'd never seen Avatar, or maybe I wouldn't, or maybe it would have latched onto some other fictional world (or real place, for that matter) instead. There's no telling now - there is only what is, and I find myself satisfied with that.

[emerald-technologist]

Why Am I Nonhuman?

1,747 words; estimated 11-14 minute read

A preface to this essay: This essay was written stream-of-consciousness as a method to sort out my thoughts on the subject, and then edited into a form more accessible to the public. If it feels a little odd or wandering in places, that’s why. I didn’t want to remove the portions that are my sorting-through of my thoughts; it felt important to the final conclusion that they be part and parcel with it.

Othercon 2024 was host to a panel run by two dear friends of mine, Goratrix of the Draconic Wizard Workshop (@goratrix-betrayed on Tumblr) and Chaiya of the Treehouse System (@treehouse-headspace on Tumblr). The panel in question discussed the idea of nonhuman personhood, how nonhumanity and inhumanity can give us insights upon personhood, and whether personhood is something we should, or indeed can, reject. It also, being run by two vampire fictives, one of whom identifies himself as human and the other of whom does not, touched on the nature of humanity as opposed to the nature of personhood - which got me thinking about my own feelings on humanity, and why exactly I reject the label of human.

Some vocabulary for those unfamiliar with the World of Darkness setting, so that I don’t have to stop and explain words mid-essay multiple times:

Chantry: the building where (typically) all the vampires of Clan Tremere living in a certain city reside and work

Childe, plural childer: a vampire created through the Embrace — the childe is the progeny of their sire.

Clan: the group of vampires one belongs to by blood, which determines which powers come naturally to them and, to at least some extent, their culture

Embrace: the process of turning someone into a vampire by draining them of blood and then feeding them some of the sire’s blood (capitalized when written)

Ghoul: a mortal who drinks vampire blood on a regular basis, granting them immortality (as long as they continue drinking vitae regularly) and a modicum of vampiric power

Sire: the person who turns one into a vampire (the person a vampire turns is their childe)

Tremere: the clan of vampires I belong to, a highly unified and organized clan of blood sorcerers who rely on intra-clan solidarity and adaptability as defense against our enemies (we have a… rocky history with many other clans; it’s a long story)

Vitae: vampire blood, sometimes also called ‘the Blood’ with a capital B

With that aside:

Some background on my history and the circumstances under which I became a vampire (or Kindred; I will use the terms interchangeably) is required to really explain where I’m coming from on this. Back in source, I was Embraced into what I recognize now was essentially a cult, run by my original sire (I have since been adopted by another), a man who I recognize now was extremely manipulative and abusive to all of us, but perhaps especially his childer and his ghouls. This cult, this chantry, contained Kindred, ghouls, and mortals who had not yet been judged worthy to be let in on the secret of the supernatural. Generally, how it works is that one is invited to the meetings of an “occult group” as a mortal, which is of course run by the ghouls and Kindred without revealing who they are, and typically observed for a period ranging from several months to a couple of years. If they pass certain tests and the general judgements of the Kindred in charge of the occult group, then they are invited to commit themselves more and more over time, until eventually they are invited to take blood from the Kindred, and be fed from in turn, for the first time (not necessarily in that order). This is a show of trust, of proving yourself; being made a ghoul is a privilege to earn - the ghouls are elevated above their peers by the gift of the Blood, brought closer to vampirism. Many ghouls remain ghouls forever, but almost all hope to one day earn the Embrace - most who are Embraced go a decade or two before being chosen, and spend it proving themself worthy of more and more trust, more and more power granted. Of course, the Kindred must constantly prove themselves as well, must constantly compete for rank both official and social - but to be Kindred is to be inherently above the ghouls and mortals, inherently more than them. To be Embraced is not just to be immortal and powerful, but to have your very mind opened to understand the world better, more deeply, than a mortal or ghoul ever could, even an elder ghoul.

Perhaps, dear reader, you begin to understand why I now have to sit and question why, exactly, I have rejected humanity, and whether I am right to have done so and continue to do so. I’ve unpacked all this enough to realize that if my reason is because it feels degrading to be called human, because it feels lesser, then… that is probably not a good reason.

And yet, even as I reconcile with the fact that I am not, in fact, superior to the mortals and ghouls around me for being Kindred, calling myself human still feels wrong. I worked hard to earn the right to drop that name; to pick it up again feels like discounting that effort and that victory. Moreover, I just… don’t connect with it anymore. Vampire affects who I am, how I think, and how I act more than human ever did. Vampirism is important to me; humanity was always merely circumstantial.

But what does that even mean? What is humanity, really? It’s not merely the circumstance of being physically human, alive and breathing; after all, many vampires still consider themselves human. What makes one vampire human, and another not? What makes me no longer human?

In many cases, at least in my world, it comes down to morality - Kindred have codes of morality called Paths of Enlightenment, or sometimes Roads of Enlightenment, and those who have adopted one instead of continuing to follow the tenets of the Road of Humanity, which is essentially what most humans can be assumed to be “following” (avoid doing harm, avoid violating other people, generally hold compassion and kindness for others, etc.), are often considered the “inhuman” vampires. But I’ve never been drawn to another Road. Indeed, I still walk the Road of Humanity; I’ve never seen a reason to leave it. Community serves me well, and compassion, connection, and consideration for others all serve community. Community and compassion are not unique to humanity - just ask the werewolves of home, or for that matter the alterhuman community here - and especially as part of Clan Tremere, where community and solidarity are highly prized, I don’t feel that they have to make me human. I can walk the Road of Humanity without being human, just as one can walk the Road of Kings without being a king.

Perhaps it’s the fact that ‘human’ and ‘vampire’ are often treated as inherently contradictory labels - that many vampires who insist on calling themselves ‘human’ do so as a rejection of what they have become. And, indeed, they do feel as though they fit into the same ‘slot’ for me, and trying to wear both at once feels wrong in a way that’s hard to articulate. But I know that that’s not inherently true either. I know people who are both human and vampire - Chaiya, as mentioned above, is one of them. Being human doesn’t have to mean rejecting what you have become, or pretending to not be what you are.

Perhaps it’s simply that while vampirism isn’t superior to humanity in general, it has been infinitely better for me personally. The Embrace is one of the best things to ever happen to me; before it, I was next to nothing, with little real hope of making something of myself. Vampirism gave me power, immortality, the chance to be part of something greater than myself, the chance to make my mark on the world. I could never have been what I am now if I had remained mortal. Perhaps it’s also that I’ve been considering myself no longer human for so long that picking up the label again feels wrong. I pulled it off, grew without it, and now it no longer fits when I try to put it back on. Perhaps it’s the very discarding of the word human that made me become something that can no longer be called human accurately, even though from outside inspection I might be mistaken for one. Perhaps. Perhaps that doesn’t mean anything at all; there’s nothing material to that.

But my friends have pointed out, as we’ve been discussing this, that perhaps the mere fact of the choice, and of being happier for it, is enough. That even if there’s no hard line between the two, that doesn’t mean which one (or ones) one chooses to use isn’t personally meaningful. After all, to borrow the analogy one gave me, is there a hard, definitive difference between a man and a woman? If there isn’t, should someone who is happier being a woman feel that she can’t call herself that because she was born a man and there’s no definitive difference? I’ve lived around enough trans people to say no, of course not. That would be ridiculous.

Ultimately, I think that is what it comes down to. Humanity as a social and philosophical concept is such a broad, nebulous thing that it’s virtually impossible to define with hard edges, as philosophy is wont to do. But… vampirism is something I chose, something I wanted, something I worked for. Humanity was only ever a matter of circumstance. Vampirism has helped me, made me a better person, made my life a better life. My life as a human was never what I wanted; maybe it could have been eventually, maybe not, but I don’t think I ever could have been as happy or fulfilled as a human as I am now. Humanity was ultimately simply not right for me, and while once it fit correctly at least as a matter of circumstance, it no longer fits even in that capacity. The Kindred aren’t above humanity, I know that now, but we don’t need to be to be other than. Vampirism is not inherently better, but it is better for me. I chose to be a vampire, and I chose to discard humanity.

Perhaps, in the end, that’s enough.

[thecrispydemon]

Prey Drive and Fictionkinnity

I’ve seen some posts in the community about talking about prey drive, and as a slasher villain, I have some thoughts of my own to share.. I’ve been wanting to talk about the more “taboo” aspects of my kintype, but I’ve been trying to figure out the right words. But you know what, fuck it. I’ll just go ahead and see how it goes.

I have a knack for scaring people. I often accidentally scare people by being so quiet that people don’t realize I’m there. Generally I feel guilty, because I don’t have intentions of doing that, but I also find it affirming to me. I like that I can be scary if I wanted to, and there’s a couple of instances that came in handy.

The first was when I was a teenager at a summer camp. I should mention that I was an absolute theater kid in high school, so that did work in my favor in both stories. Anyway, one night we were sitting around the campfire telling ghost stories. I decided to recite one of my favorite creepypastas (I know sounds cringe), and by the time I was done telling the story I could tell mostly everyone was thoroughly creeped out. I had a counselor come up and tell me that he forgot that it was a made up story, and that it didn’t actually happen. There were some kids who were clearly anxious to go to sleep, which I definitely felt guilty about, but another part of me felt proud that night.

Two years later I volunteered for a haunt at a local park. I figured I could do what I usually do accidentally, but on purpose, and for the most part it worked. Quietly waiting in the dark for the right moment. The thing I remember the most about that night was the adrenaline, and how thrilling it was. It reminded me of being in the dream world, staking around corners of my boiler room.

Looking back on both of these moments I associate them with my fictotype. The time at summer camp is more in retrospect. When I volunteered at the haunt however, I felt more like my canon self. I realize when others talk about a prey drive it’s connected to their type’s survival. A carnivore needs to hunt to live. For my kintype hunting doesn’t fulfill a physiological need, it’s very psychological, it’s a sadistic power trip.

When I’ve indulged in these darker aspects, such as volunteering at a haunt, it’s a more animalistic state to be in. It’s deeply cathartic to be able to feel more like my canon self. I don’t really experience an urge to scare, it looks more like an internal tension is released. The take away I hope to leave is that: I like to be able to connect with my source in a way that doesn’t result in actual harm.

[rareblackcat]

Domestication and my Relationship

Writing Wednesday

My cathood is somewhat connected to my relationship and this is tide to my domestic nature. On one hand I feel domesticated by being raised human on the other hand I see the way my relationship makes me feel as a form of personal domestication.

My domesticity is not like the way a husband traditionally owns his wife nor is it the same way a human takes care of an animal. I am still my own person who makes there own choices. A lot of it is actually trust and allowance. I trust and allow him to help me through life and be there for me and I allow myself to be more vulnerable with him. And the way he treats me is normal for any relationship but my cat brain really processes it differently. When I'm with my boyfriend his love, kindness, softness, and patience really makes me feel more 'cat' because he allows me to just be who I am. He just really knows how to get me to soften up in a way that not a lot of people do and to me this is my domestication.

[the-bone-witch-dragon]

Mirror, Parallel, Paint Job

Generally speaking, our system’s fictives tend to align very, very closely with their sources - after all, we are directly involved in the making of them, so it becomes something of a two-way street. Some of our friends in similar situations have said that they less are their in-source counterpart and more guide that version of themself, but I don’t think we feel the same, generally; even that level of division feels wrong to us in most cases. For one thing, we develop new memories according to how things go in sessions; for another… I don’t know, just the instinctive layer of feels wrong.

There are, however, exceptions. We are, of course, affected by things in this world, and by being in a system, which inherently changes us. We have knowledge our in-world counterparts lack. In my case, I startled our host a bit by fairly abruptly shifting in behavior - for those familiar with the World of Darkness, going from a Survivor Demeanor to a Bon Vivant Demeanor. The reason, of course, is that I’ve only ever acted like a Survivor, focused on putting my head down and enduring whatever comes my way at any cost, because of the pressures I was under - Bon Vivant is much more natural to me. Coming here meant I was abruptly free of most of the things causing me stress and fear in-world - most notably, my old domitor, my old master and abuser, can no longer reach me here, can no longer hunt or hurt me. She is only a threat for as long as I choose to engage with the fiction she exists within. Without that pressure, I am free to engage with the side of myself that loves fun and sensual pleasures and light-hearted things again - and so I act markedly different than my in-world counterpart does, even though in many ways we are the same.

And yet… we have diverged in more notable ways than that. My scales have, realistically, changed.

You see, the scale colors of a dragon from my world tell you about them - their personality, their priorities. We come in seven colors - silver, red, azure, black, green, gold, and purple - and each of us displays two (with exceptions for the occasional tricolor, monocolor, or albino dragon, but I am none of these), a primary and a secondary. My colors are purple/gold - purple, perseverance, hunkering down and enduring when the going gets tough, stonewalling emotions in order to survive; and gold, curiosity, learning, intellect, chasing answers and knowledge even when it gets me into trouble.

Except they’re not. My colors in-world are purple/gold. My colors when I got here were purple/gold. But now… realistically, looking at myself, my colors have changed. My purple has faded. I know this about myself - I don’t have anything driving purple decisions, so it’s going to fade down to a secondary or even tertiary color. That’s how it works.

But herein lies what prompted me to write this essay: I’m not sure what colors I am, because visually I still display as purple/gold in headspace. My scales have not instinctively changed the way they’re supposed to, as they would have in-world. I seem to have been freed of that. I’m not sure I like being freed of it, because now my scales don’t match up with who I am, and I’m left trying to figure out what my dragon form should look like now and change it “manually” to match.

My guess is that this is happening because there’s no supernatural metaphysics making my scales change here, and because my scales haven’t yet changed in-world, there’s no memories from me to access from where those metaphysics do exist yet. We’ve drawn a couple of versions of me with different colors to try to sort it out, with limited success so far. I’m not sure if I’m just gold/purple now, with primary and secondary reversed, or if green (independence, flexibility, freedom) has overtaken purple for secondary as well - or maybe something else. I suspect my red (emotion, instinct, passion) is creeping higher than we ever expected, considering I don’t have a drop of red in-world. Either way, nothing’s stuck so far; I can temporarily change my colors, but the next time I shapeshift, it’s right back to purple/gold.

It’s… odd, to have such a direct measure of how different Loretta-out-here and Loretta-in-there are rapidly becoming. And yet I still feel like the same person - I am her, even though we’re different in these ways. I don’t feel the separation, even though it’s clearly there. Maybe saying she’s a part of me would be more accurate, I’m not sure. Maybe that’s part of why my scales haven’t changed, too - even though I know in my head I’m probably not purple/gold anymore, it’s hard for me to feel that way when she still is. So I still look like her, even though I probably “shouldn’t.” I’m stuck with her “paint job,” as it were - like I can only see myself in the mirror of the fiction, but that mirror has a delay before it changes.

Maybe someday I’ll divide from her enough that this won’t happen anymore, but today is not that day, I think. Strange as it is.

[everluster]

An Abstract of Love

I never wanted to be loved, possibly because I didn’t truly know what love meant. However, I wanted to be seen, to be known, without having to beg for attention or effort.

I yearned for someone to notice the little things—like my usual coffee order—and engrave them in their mind. I longed for someone to listen, not out of obligation, but because it felt essential to them. Someone who deemed even the most trivial details about me important.

I dreamed to be coveted, as though I was the air they breathe. I prayed for a gaze that lingered, one weighted with the purest desire, as if looking away would cause them agony.

I never wanted to be loved, but I wanted to feel like I was someone’s wish fulfillment, as much as they would be mine.

[starsailor-kinthepast]

I really want to write a piece on my relationship with pregnancy/offspring as... whatever I am... but I feel so caught in the perfectionism and "it has to be good for the community" prospects of it all... does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with that?

[melodicwriter]

[talon-dragonbeast]

El anglocentrismo en las comunidades alterhumanas: divagaciones de una dragona y un gato hispanohablantes

[para mayor claridad y divulgación de este escrito, he proporcionado una traducción al inglés en una publicación aparte. puedes encontrarla aquí] • [for further convenience and outreach of this piece, I have provided an english translation in a separate post. you can find it here]

este post fue escrito originalmente como parte del Desafío de Escritura Alterhumano del Sistema Sol. escrito por @talon-dragonbeast, con la ayuda de mi hermano @watcherwingedcat. esperamos que os guste!

recuento de palabras: 2418

Este escrito, que es más una diatriba conmigo misma que una redacción propiamente dicha, es uno que llevo mucho tiempo queriendo escribir; desde que me uní por primera vez a una comunidad online, para ser más exactos. El anglocentrismo, según Wikipedia (y sí, soy consciente de la ironía de que el artículo no esté disponible en Español), es "la práctica de ver el mundo principalmente a través de la lente de la cultura, la lengua y los valores ingleses o angloamericanos, a menudo marginando o despreciando las perspectivas no angloparlantes o no anglosajonas".

Si eres monolingüe y tu idioma materno es el inglés, es probable que nunca te hayas parado a pensar en la ventaja que esto te aporta sobre los que no somos tan afortunados como para nacer con la lingua franca en nuestros labios. Sí, es posible que hayas tenido que estudir algo de español en el colegio, pero seamos honestos, muy pocos recuerdan lo que aprenden en la escuela primaria. Como angloparlante, todo el mundo está construido para ti, y somos los demás los que tenemos que adaptarnos a vuestro molde. La cultura, los artículos científicos, las películas, los libros, los videojuegos, el internet, las comunidades online, el lenguaje técnico, los vídeos educativos: incluso en los espacios más internacionales, todo gira alrededor del inglés. Lo que me lleva al tema de este escrito: La comunidad Alterhumana.

Mi nombre (como se me conoce en internet, al menos) es Talon. Soy miembro de la comunidad alterhumana, y más específicamente, la comunidad otherkin, desde hace poco más de un año. Los otherkin (palabra que viene de other, en español otros; y kin, forma acortada de kind, en español tipo) son personas que se identifican como no humanos de alguna manera. Por ejemplo, yo me identifico como dragona (entre otras cosas), y eso es lo que soy; aunque por fuera parezca humana y me confundan como tal. Hay muchas razones por las que alguien puede creer que no es humano, pero no estoy aquí para discutir eso, así que volvamos al tema que nos ocupa.

Desde que estoy en esta comunidad, no he escrito ni una sola publicación en español. Y no por falta de ganas, ni porque me intimide compartir algo tan personal como mi lengua materna. No, la razón es simple: La comunidad no existe en otro idioma que no sea el inglés. Con esto no quiero decir que no existan no-humanos fuera de Inglaterra o los Estados Unidos, porque por supuesto que los hay (aunque se encuentren en otras plataformas como TikTok o Instagram), y hablaré de estas más adelante. Pero sencillamente, la razón por la que no se ven muchas comunidades de alterhumanos en otros idiomas es porque todos los recursos, las introducciones, las cronologías de la comunidad (inglesa) alterhumana, las definiciones de los términos, los términos mismos, todo está en inglés.

Siempre he sido bilingüe. Bueno, trilingüe en realidad, aunque mi tercer idioma no es demasiado relevante en mi día a día y solo lo uso en clase o cuando alguien comienza una conversación en ese idioma. Es difícil explicar cómo funciona tu cerebro cuando hablas varios idiomas con fluidez, pero básicamente es como ejecutar dos sistemas paralelos al mismo tiempo, pero con pensamientos. No suelo pensar con palabras, pero cuando lo hago me suele pasar que algunos de mis pensamientos están en español, y otros en inglés, más o menos en una proporción 50/50. O también puede pasar que empiece el pensamiento en un idioma, pero lo termine en otro. O que intente usar una palabra específica en inglés que no tiene una traducción exacta al español, por lo que al traducirla literalmente la frase no tiene sentido. Básicamente, todo lo que escribo o digo en voz alta tengo que pasarlo primero por varios filtros, uno para eliminar las palabras del otro idioma, otro para encontrar las palabras con las que reemplazarlas y otro para hacer que la frase tenga sentido. Suena agotador, ¿verdad? Lo es. Ahora imagina que para poder expresarte a ti mismo como realmente eres, para poder participar en una comunidad con seres que te entienden y te aceptan como ningún otro, tuvieras que suprimir básicamente la mitad de lo que eres, todo el tiempo.

El problema no es sólo no poder utilizar mi lengua materna para expresarme. Como he demostrado en el último año y medio que llevo en esta comunidad, domino el inglés lo suficiente no sólo para que me entiendan cuando hablo, sino también para expresar conceptos tan complicados como el yo, la naturaleza humana, la psicología del ser y todo lo que conlleva existir como ser no humano. El verdadero problema viene cuando intento expresar conceptos alterhumanos relativamente comunes en mi lengua materna. No estoy hablando solo de etiquetas como otherkin o theriántropo, que se pueden adaptar al español con relativa facilidad (como acabo de hacer ahora). Son las cosas pequeñas, las más simples.

Por ejemplo, el término shift. La palabra en sí ya es de difícil traducción; durante mis búsquedas, encontré un glosario de términos en la web Otherkin Hispano en la que los llaman "desplazamientos", la cual... es una traducción exacta, supongo, pero imposible de usar cómodamente en el día a día. También hay términos cuyas definiciones utilizan expresiones que simplemente no es posible traducir a otros idiomas. Por ejemplo, otherkin y otherhearted. En inglés, la diferencia entre estos dos términos radica que otherkin significa "[to] identify as" (identificarse como) mientras que otherhearted es "[to] identify with" (identificarse con). Pero ésta es una expresión puramente inglesa. En otros idiomas, la distinción no existe, o no tiene sentido utilizarla; por lo tanto, estos términos son totalmente inaccesibles para cualquier usuario internacional. O palabras compuestas como "catkin", que son difíciles de expresar en otros idiomas. Según Otherkin Hispano, en español se diría tal cual sin traducir, Soy catkin. Pero eso... no es gramaticalmente correcto, ya que estaría mezclando dos idiomas en una misma frase. Lo más adecuado sería decir Soy gatokin, que suena incorrecto y tampoco tiene sentido de todas formas, porque kin sigue siendo una palabra inglesa. O "hearttype", que en español podría traducirse aproximadamente como "tipo del corazón". Al decir que tienes un hearttype específico, por ejemplo "corvidhearted", una forma de expresarlo podría ser un simple Soy corvidhearted, que conlleva los mismos problemas que catkin. O podrías, como aconseja Wikipedia, decir Soy corazón de córvido. A mí no me disgusta, para ser honestos, pero para algunos podría resultar demasiado metafórico o poético.

Finalmente, y antes de llegar a la conclusión, quiero dedicar algunos párrafos para hablar sobre la comunidad alterhumana que existe en otros idiomas. Mencioné antes estas comunidades; que aunque existen, se encuentran muy diseminados por plataformas como TikTok o Instagram, con las que no estoy familiarizada. Pero como no puedo hablar sobre el anglocentrismo sin hablar al menos de la comunidad hispanohablante alterhumana, así que le pregunté a mi hermano Watcher @watcherwingedcat qué opinaba del tema. Esto es lo que escribió:

Hola gente, soy Watcher, y vine a hablar un poco sobre la comunidad therian hispanohablante, la cual me parece el ejemplo prístino del hate que recibimos tanto por parte de gente de fuera de la comunidad como por la gente de dentro, tanto española como de América del sur. Si bien esta publicación se centraba más en las barreras del idioma, yo quiero mostrar cuáles son las verdaderas consecuencias de esta barrera, cómo esto nos divide en la forma en la que interactuamos unos con los otros: La parte social de todo este asunto (como dije ya alguna que otra vez y algunos de mis seguidores saben, estoy estudiando Educación Social, por lo que desde mi punto de vista la parte social es muy relevante para todo lo que hacemos). Como ya dijo mi hermana (hola Talon!), la comunidad inglesa es mayoritaria en los espacios alterhumanos, pero, cómo es realmente la comunidad hispanohablante? 

No muy grande, es la respuesta. El término de por sí no está muy extendido, y la comunidad es bastante pequeña. Sin embargo, después de un tiempo de búsqueda, la encontré en un pequeño rinconcito de internet. Al encontrar una comunidad en mi propio idioma, estaba entusiasmado, pero mi curiosidad y alegría se extinguieron pronto… Al ver las reacciones de sus vídeos y publicaciones en tiktok principalmente. Estaban repletos de mensajes de odio. Repletos. Si pensáis que el odio en la comunidad inglesa es malo, no estáis preparados para el odio que se recibe en otras comunidades, especialmente la española. Esto se debe más a una cuestión de cultura, un poco también debido a la mente cerrada que se tiene en países como España, Argentina, o Colombia.

En general, los no humanos de la comunidad hispanohablantes publican sobre quadrobics y máscaras. Al menos, yo no he visto mucho más allá de eso, y la comunidad está en su mayoría en tiktok. Y el recibimiento de su expresión de forma de ser? Repugnante. Para poner un ejemplo de cuan malo es el hate, en uno de los vídeos que encontré (creo que era un therian haciendo una máscara o algo así), humanos y no humanos estaban insultando al therian que publicaba el vídeo, discusiones sobre cómo estamos locos y mal de la cabeza y deberíamos estar en instituciones mentales… Era horrible. Lo peor eran las amenazas de muerte, incluso, que deseaban que los therian murieran, o se colgaran, o cosas peores (he visto incluso amenazas de violación). Comentarios que decían cosas como: “Si mi hermana me dijera que es un perro le quitaría la ropa y le obligaría a dormir fuera y comer comida de animales, si quiere ser un perro le trataré como tal”. Amenazas de abuso, tanto físico como sexual… Absolutamente repugnante. Y lo peor es que la plataforma de tiktok no eliminaba estas cuentas de odio, los mensajes copia y pega de insultos, las amenazas…

Estoy orgulloso de la comunidad hispana por ser tan abiertos sobre su identidad, no me malinterpretes, pero hay veces que es más seguro simplemente no compartir esa parte de quienes somos con otros, especialmente si uno es menor y vulnerable. Esa es otra cuestión que me preocupa, ya que he visto gente saliendo del armario con padres, hermanos, amigos, y ellos simplemente menospreciándoles. Eso, juntándolo con la desinformación, es una receta para el desastre. 

No pude evitar notar la profunda raíz de desinformación en la propia comunidad no humana. Confunden las definiciones, los diferentes términos, lo que les lleva a extender aún más desinformación. Esto no creo que sea culpa suya del todo, o de ser tan jóvenes en su gran mayoría, ya que no he visto therians hispanos mayores de 18 años. Creo que esto se debe, en gran parte (como ya mencionó Talon), a la diferencia del idioma, y a la falta de traducción de ciertos términos. En general, yo al hablar con amigos con los que soy abierto de mi no humanidad, uso términos ingleses. Es un poco raro usar esas palabras en inglés mientras hablo en español, pero yo soy bilingüe y por ahora no hay solución a eso. Creo que la comunidad española se beneficiaría de extender información correcta, y de tener una plataforma en la que expresarse con los suyos, como es tumblr para la comunidad inglesa. Algo en lo que mi hermana expande en su post. Por mi parte aquí termino con mi pequeño comentario, os dejo con Talon ahora. Watcher fuera.

Como conclusión, me gustaría hablar de las consecuencias que el anglocentrismo podría tener en alterhumanos que no hablan inglés, y después proponer algunas ideas sobre cómo podríamos empezar a resolverlo (o al menos paliarlo) como comunidad.

En primer lugar está lo evidente; la inmensa mayoría de alterhumanos no angloparlantes simplemente nunca se dan cuenta de que son alterhumanos en primer lugar, por culpa de la barrera del idioma. Todos los recursos para seres que cuestionan su humanidad o falta de ella están en inglés, por lo que no son accesibles para personas que no entiendan el idioma; por tanto, una persona que no angloparlante tendría muchas más dificultades para acceder a ellos. Otra consecuencia es no poder expresar tu alterhumanidad al completo, tanto interna como externamente. ¿Recuerdas cuando mencioné que mis pensamientos se distribuyen equitativamente entre el inglés y el español, manteniéndose siempre en una proporción 50/50? Bueno, recientemente, he observado que al reflexionar sobre mi identidad como dragona, todos mis pensamientos se generan automáticamente en inglés. Considero esto profundamente impactante, ya que siento que se está desdibujando una parte fundamental de mi identidad. Es devastador sentir que sólo puedes expresar la mitad de lo que eres, suprimiendo lo que de otra forma podría ser una identidad compleja y multifacética. No poder expresarme en mi otro idioma limita mi capacidad de explorar esa parte de mí misma.

El anglocentrismo es un ciclo que nunca termina; como todos los recursos están en inglés, no se pueden unir miembros en otros idiomas, y como no hay miembros en otros idiomas, todos los recursos que se crean están en inglés. Y aunque me gustaría poder decir que tengo una solución para terminar este anglocentrismo de una vez por todas, desgraciadamente, no la tengo. Solo soy una persona (dragón), y este es un problema que yo sola no puedo resolver. Es cierto que ha habido algunos intentos dignos de elogio por parte de la comunidad internacional (traducciones de escritos, blogs de alterhumanos en idiomas distintos del inglés, el servidor Eurokin en Discord); sin embargo, estas iniciativas a menudo no suelen llegar muy lejos por culpa de la propia naturaleza de la comunidad. Como ya he dicho, la mayoría de los alterhumanos son norteamericanos o ingleses, por lo que cualquier intento de internacionalizar la comunidad se vería restringido por el hecho de que no hay muchos miembros a los que esto pueda interesarles en primer lugar. Entonces, ¿qué podemos hacer para cambiar esto? La respuesta está en ti, lector. Si tienes un segundo idioma, anímate a crear escritos en él de vez en cuando. Si provienes de una cultura distinta de la dominante, habla de cómo eso afecta a tu identidad. Si tienes tradiciones específicas de tu país que crees que son alterhumanas por naturaleza, compártelas. Y si formas parte de la mayoría angloparlante, te invito a contribuir de manera positiva mediante acciones sencillas, como escucharnos cuando nos expresamos en otros idiomas, reconocer que no todos compartimos la misma cultura, y mantener una mente abierta al discutir temas que pueden no ser familiares para ti. Nuestra fuerza como comunidad radica en la diversidad de nuestros miembros; aprovechémosla.

[the-otherspace]

Origin of the Selves: How My Headmates Came to Be

I am the host of a system of three - there's me (Stormy), Austin, and Avery. My two headmates feel like they've been with me longer than I can remember, but they both came about at entirely different times in my life. I would say that they came into existence to meet specific types of emotional and mental needs. I call myself “traumagenic” as a simple way to explain where I fall within the fabricated endogenic-to-traumagenic spectrum, but my system’s origin goes a lot deeper than what a single label can encompass. I think the existence of my system should be seen more as something created in parts, at various points in my life, to fill an empty space that trauma and stress caused.

Austin was the first headmate and was probably the host before I came around, or at least that's what we vaguely remember. He's headstrong and will always tell it like it is, which makes him a great and annoying protector for the system. Growing up, he was the ladies’ man and stubborn as can be, not usually inclined to change his mind about a topic he staunchly believes in. As such, he wasn't the best at making friends which meant that we, as a system, didn't have many friends. I think a lot of his frustration came from not being understood or even recognized.

If Austin was the “original”, then I don’t think he came around as a way to fill any sort of need or to respond to a type of trauma. From what I can remember, he was the one who split into multiple parts - myself being one of those parts. It’s scary to think that I am the host now and that I only exist because this system exists, and it sure does cause some existential crises from time to time.

At some point, I think there was a shattering of our “self”-ness and suddenly, Austin was not in control and instead, I became the host. This might have been around 2009 or 2010. I don’t know where I had been before that, but maybe I existed as a whisper in the background before piloting this body became my problem, or maybe I was newly created as a headmate for Austin. Austin, after this switch, seemed to fade out of existence as we (or, “the body”) grew up. I noticed a dramatic shift in my personality and mannerisms as a result of the host change.

When I finally realized Austin even existed in the first place (around 2017) and had apparently existed for a long time without me realizing it, I attempted to demonize him and treat him like an enemy. I wanted to shut him out because he was the link between myself and my bad past, which I was trying to erase. He reminded me too much of who I used to be, probably because we had switched places almost seamlessly. He was the antithesis to my own personality - abrasive, stuck in his own ways, and extroverted in a way I could never be. It was only when my curiosity got the best of me and I reached out to talk to him that I really got to know him as a person. He meant no harm, but it wasn’t easy to tell from the outside! I imagine a lot of people feel this way about who they might perceive as more of a persecutor than a protector - and trust me, the line tends to blur sometimes.

Avery, on the other hand, represents child-like wonder, positivity, and care - though she can also be very anxious in some situations. She is the mediator of the system, helping calm tumultuous disagreements between myself and Austin or offering advice when we feel lost. I can’t remember when she showed up, but she definitely introduced herself to me after Austin did. She saw that the system seemed strained by disagreements between myself and our protector, so she likely appeared because we needed her. She is the gentle word of advice and support that we rarely ever question, because her way of handling situations is always very levelheaded and patient - traits that neither Austin nor I have.

I think, whether voluntarily or involuntarily, system members are meant to fill a role or need in our lives. Systemhood is typically about surviving, adapting, or protecting depending on its origin. Some of us need these headmates as a way to cope with trauma, while others may simply need some companions in their lives. This is why I don’t typically care to use specific system origin labels for myself, but “traumagenic” is just the easiest word to sum up my experience. We can’t always remember where we came from or when, because sometimes we just blur together, but we do know that we need to exist for various reasons.

[sourdough-seal]

hyperfixation please stay with me long enough to complete the project. hyperfixation do not fade. hyperfixation finish what you started for the love of god

[a-dragons-journal]

Shared Phantoms

One of the things systemhood has brought - indeed, in hindsight, one of the first signs of Viridian’s presence - is blendy phantom shifts that only happen with certain combinations of fronters. It’s an interesting phenomenon, especially when it’s not something that the fictives experienced before arriving here.

The most dramatic, I believe, is in fact the phantoms that Viridian and I co-fronting produces - which is to say, together we turn into a feathered dragon phantom-wise, something neither of us is on our own. We gain a feathered crest down the back of the skull and spine, similar to my webbed crest but with a different feel to it that’s hard to describe, and smaller, softer “body” feathers on the neck that we mostly notice when she-wei get flustered, embarrassed, or startled and the neck feathers rouse (ruffle and resettle) without our really meaning them to. We can intentionally move them as well.

I think I know why this happens, but it’s only a guess: before Viridian woke up fully, one of the AUs I’d played around with for her and her sourcemates was a dragon AU, in which Viridian is indeed a somewhat feathered dragon. Interestingly, that design doesn’t actually have the smaller body feathers, only the crest - but I suspect that’s what cemented “dragon!Viridian = feathers” in our brain, and thus when Viridian gets affected by my dragonbrain, it produces feathers. But it’s still a weird thing, especially since Viridian never had this in source - her brother-broodmate actually has phantom feathers, courtesy of being an anchiornis therian, but she never did. Caldwells is feathers, I guess. We have no data on whether she would still get these phantoms if she fronted without me, unfortunately, since it’s currently very difficult for me to leave front (and usually as soon as we realize I have I reflexively snap back into it anyway).

Viridian also gets one other phantom, one she actually does have in-source but never talks about - the sensation of retracting her fangs. Most Kindred can retract and extend their fangs at will, but Viridian has a quirk of the Blood (mechanically speaking, the Permanent Fangs Flaw) that prevents her from doing this and keeps her fangs permanently extended. She can try, however, and when she does she experiences a phantom sensation of the fangs retracting even though it doesn’t actually change anything.

…Here’s the funny thing about that. We learned only after she arrived here and off-handedly mentioned this to a sourcemate that that’s not how that works. It doesn’t feel like much of anything to most Kindred, apparently, at least in their universe. And after thinking about it, what we’re fairly sure happened is that shortly after her Embrace, when she was trying so hard to figure out how to make it work, she accidentally trained her brain into a phantom sensation that shouldn’t exist. Which is extremely funny (“if a little embarrassing,” she mutters from the back) in hindsight, but it’s also kind of interesting that it’s stuck around even after realizing this.

Another headmate who gets phantom shifts now even though she didn’t back in source is Loretta, the other resident dragon - though she has significantly more control over her shifts than I do mine, since transformation to and from human comes naturally to her kind of dragon, she usually chooses to let it happen anyway because we kind of enjoy them. Her tail is markedly different from mine - lighter, more flexible, and much more capable of curling upward to facilitate slashing with the single-edged blade her tailtip is equipped with - and occasionally the two fight for space; we can only have one at a time, it seems. Sometimes this leads to it flipping back and forth; usually Loretta’s tail wins out, I think because it’s more expressive and mobile than mine and thus attracts more of the brain’s conscious attention.

And while Loretta and I co-fronting doesn’t produce a unique set of phantom shifts (at least not so far), it does allow each of us to feel the other’s anatomy, which is… interesting sometimes, especially since any amount of focus on my headspace body leads to phantom shifts in the physical of whatever draconic body parts I may have in headspace at the time (it varies). It means that if she runs a hand along my wing in headspace, for example, we both feel both sides of the sensation - running “my” hand along “its” wing; “her” hand running along “my” wing. It’s… almost disorienting, but usually seems to work out okay? We haven’t played with it much, but what we have played with has been fun and interesting. It also means that I can often tell she’s come up closer to front by what feel like cameo shifts of her dragon shape, usually her ears and tail. (Interestingly, she doesn’t seem to pop wings as often as I do, maybe because in-source she can’t actually transform wings yet.)

So… yeah. I don’t really have a conclusion here, just making a set of notes.