#DYNAMICS AND BASICS SPLITTING INTO SEPERATE PERSONAS IS

[spaceumbredoggos]

Bill and Kenz headcanons + other Kenz headcanons

(TW abusive themes. But nothing outside of the Book of Bill adjacent. I will make a seperate post for those. Also massive TW for self harm and drug related things.):

(Totally not me rewriting parts of Kenz’s character to the point of semiflanderization. @fishy--friend please let me know if this is accurate. and feels free to add anything.)

Kenz unleashed all their rage and anger that they had pent up as a teen onto Bill. They could never really hurt him and he found it hilarious. It mirrors what their Dad did a lot. When Kenz is trying to get away from Bill and become a better person, Bill uses this example against them (Gonna turn this into a “Runs in your Family” animation.)

Kenz regresses to a more unstable version of themself upon moving out from their parents house. They split personalities on a dime and you never really know what you’re gonna get with them. Keep in mind, this is due to poorly treated PTSD and they suddenly don’t have any therapist. Kenz is pretty violent, but it’s never directed at the Pines who takes them in. They hide in their room and destroy their own body by tearing into it with their claws. They do verbally lash out at anyone however.

I think Bill and Kenz’s dynamic is like Ashsquirrel, particularly TBC ashsquirrel. With some BrambleSquirrel mixed into it. I don’t think “Worse Billford” is the only description of the relationship, but that’s basically what it is.

Kenz’s toxic Traits in the relationship (that they eventually learn from and recover):

Lies constantly. Will lie to your face about anything they deem fit for them.

Goes behind people’s backs a lot. Talks a lot of shit. And they’re not necessarily a coward for it however. When found out about, they straight up admit to your face everything they said about you and will fight you back if you punch them in the face.

Doesn’t know when to back down. Will fight until they are no longer conscious. However, they feel crippling guilt for the damage that they cause and are paralyzed with it. So they take this guilt out on themself with self harm.

That being said, they don’t like to fight. They may fight to blow off some steam, but at the end of the day, they’re just a bullied little kid who is mad at the world for everything so they just take it out so that they can be left alone.

Refuses help. They genuinely think they are unworthy of help. Has that toddler sense of “I can do it myself.”

Bottled up emotions around the Pines. At first, they appear flat and standoffish. They avoid the Pines at every opportunity. They sneak off to the woods with the magical creatures and hunts prey. They basically have that “outdoor cat” energy. They come home at the end of the night often intoxicated to some degree from some magic drug that they scrapped with a werewolf over often when everyone is asleep to do it all again the next day. They have no regard for their life and genuinely thinks no one cares for them.

Kenz’s toxic traits towards Bill:

Twists his deals to their own benefit. But gets found out about it and bears the brunt of the punishment.

Is very physical. Like will always be touching him (appropriately). Will bite him if he does something that they hate. Will scratch him if he even looks at them the wrong way.

Goes through “honeymoon” phases with Bill. Bill is more abusive on his end and Kenz is more so reacting. The honeymoon phases are often when Kenz switches to a more cuddly persona where all they want is to feel good. Kenz will be in sort of a manic space at this point, begging Bill to possess them and promising to do Bill’s bidding. Bill tests this and puts them in dangerous situations.

The tension phase starts when Kenz gets really bad c-ptsd episodes. Depending on the day, Kenz or Bill can be the one treading on eggshells. It’s more so Kenz who treads on eggshells. Bill can’t really tread on eggshells as he’s more the one in control of Kenz.

This leads up to Bill doing something to Kenz. Kenz wakes up with wounds that previously weren’t there. Kenz breaks down and goes into a depressive episode where they don’t leave their corner of the forest. It’s hard to snap them out of this because Bill is triggering parts of their brain to make them feel worthless.

The cycle continues after this. Kenz doesn’t try to leave for the longest time because they think they love Bill. They’re dependent on Bill to make them feel good. To feel anything. They spend a lot of time dissociating and getting into needless trouble to feel something.

Bill’s toxic traits towards Kenz:

Is constantly bombarding Kenz with gifts. Kenz keeps them all. When Ford asks Kenz where they got gifts of dried fox pelts, deer skulls, dead cicadas, teeth from rodents, toxic plants and bugs, and lots and lots of sewn up corpses of animals and monsters stuffed with plush filling, they blatantly lie and say that they stole it from a local hunter. Ford knows because Bill openly leaves signs that he is doing this to Kenz to get back at Ford. Bill basically says “Oh, you took in this feral ass adult who has serious issues? They’re wrapped around my thumb and i’m actively dating them and there’s nothing you can do about it. This is what you get you traitor.” Bill is setting a trap by manipulating someone Ford and the pines are growing to care about. Kenz knows this and tries to steer Bill away because they feel like they should just bear the brunt of everything. After all, that’s all they’ve done for their entire life.

Bill mocks them for everything when he wants to gain the upper hand. With access to their mind, he can read their intrusive thoughts and use them against them, preventing them from seeking help. Bill wires Kenz’s brain to be especially sensitive to criticism. And Bill critiques them over everything.

Bill likes to claw and brand Kenz with symbols and tattoos. Kenz tears off the skin that is branded or marked and these wounds get infected during one of their more depressive episodes.

Bill only came into the picture when Kenz was an adult. Kenz thinks Bill has been in the pucture longe when he was in the theraprism for that time so he really couldn’t have been. They were just hallucinations caused by poorly treated cptsd and Bipolar disorder. When Kenz cites these reasons for wanting to leave, Bill instantly turns all lovey and sweet. He explicitly tells them the truth that he was in the theraprism that entire time. Kenz then doesn’t know what to think and just falls deeper into Bill’s elaborate trap.

Okay… That was a lot. Now to write the entire summary of Aces and Ohs (it’s more so a bible.).

[c-53]

HEARING AN AI WHO’S NEVER EXPERIENCED PAIN BEFORE SCREAMING I AGONY IS THE WORST THING EVER WHY IS MARSFALL JUST EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. ANDI STAY SAFE HOLY SHIT

[ts-unpopular-opinions]

Side Track Opinions part 5: Roman

(I’ve been saving Roman for a while now and I am PUMPED! So here’s a late birthday present to our royal lad ❤️ It’s also super nice to save the creativitwins for last because both of their playlists reference each other quite a bit 👌)

1) A Gay Disney Prince: I mean... are any of us surprised? This song is basically Roman’s anthem, so it was bound to be on his playlist. I do find it interesting that both Roman and Remus are the only sides with songs made by Thomas on their playlists. I guess it goes to show that having a big ego runs in the creative family 😂

2) Wonderboy: Only two songs in and we already have a song about Remus, or “young Nastyman, archrival and nemesis of Wonderboy” in this case. You’ll start to get the idea from Roman’s playlist that he really misses being with his bro. This song portrays Roman as almost a perfect and untouchable force. He is seperated from all of his nasty thoughts and is the perfect embodiment of what Thomas sees creativity as (“High above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds, There sits Wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly. Not much to say when you're high above the mucky-muck.”). I like to imagine that the singer of the song is Thomas, looking to Roman for comfort. Creativity most likely split as a way for Thomas to, not very healthily, cope with his intrusive thoughts (“Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power? Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?”). It’s also interesting to note that at the end of the song, Roman and Remus seemingly join forces very successfully (“Well, Wonderboy and Young Nastyman joined forces; they formed a band the likes of which have never been seen”). Perhaps this is hinting at either Romans want to have his bother back, or possibly foreshadowing to their relationship dynamic in the future. I know I’d love to see Roman and Remus team up together in future episodes, maybe even against Patton and Janus in the next episode?

3) Disney Princess: This song is all about Roman dreaming about being in the lives of different disney princesses. Honestly it’s not super deep, but it does show just how much Roman loves to fantasize about escaping reality and living in his ideal dream world. He wishes his life were more interesting and exciting like what you would see in a movie. Also, Roman is SO desperate for someone to love him... poor guy (“I'd be a handsome man's wife And we'd kiss and we'd kiss And we'd kiss”).

4) Broadway, Here I Come!: (tw suicide) So this song is... interesting. It can be interpreted in two different ways: one being a song about how making it on broadway is a huge leap and very difficult, and another about a person literally jumping off of a building and commiting suicide. I always think of Logic vs Passion during this song because while Roman believes he is acchieving his dreams and is willing to take risks, Logan just believes he’s setting himself up for failure. I think Logan’s view on Thomas’ life and career choice is very hard on Roman and, by the topic of the song, affects him greatly (“The people all are pointing. I bet they'd never guess, That the saint that they're anointing Is frightened of the mess”). He doesn’t know if Thomas will succeed and that makes him doubt himself and causes his work to suffer (“The pressure it increases, The closer that I get” “And the last thing I hear. As the impact grows near, Is it a scream or a cheer?”).

5) Hallelujah: This song, like the one before it, shows a lot of Roman’s insecurities. Roman has a set plan for Thomas in life, but he constantly doubts it and himself due to the comments he gets from other sides (“Somedays I don't think my mama Thinks I'm good enough to be a superstar” “Somedays I don't think my daddy Thinks I'm good enough to be a superstar”). I don’t know specifically which sides he could be talking about in these two lines, but Logan is definately one of them. I like to think he could also be talking about Patton. I mean Roman probably worries constantly about being too much like Remus and disappointing Patton. Roman probably literally thinks that Patton doesnt think hes GOOD enough. Despite all of this self doubt, Roman still seems determined to reach his dreams and prove the others wrong (“But one day I will show him I'm a diamond in the rough, I'll be a superstar” “Yeah, there's a crown covered in glitter and gold I'm gonna wear it, whether you like it or not”).

6) Holding Out for a Hero: This song is from Thomas’ perspective! Thomas DOES see Roman as his hero despite what Janus’ not at the end of the most recent episode may have you believe. Roman acts as Thomas’ protection from all of his darker and more disturbing thoughts. Thomas uses Roman, a picture perfect image of creativity to help him escape from all the bad things in life and in his head (“Where have all the good men gone And where are all the gods? Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and I turn And I dream of what I need”). Thomas literally created Roman to be a perfect knight in shining armor. The singer in the song shows this by listing off everything that they believe a hero needs to be/have, Similar to what Thomas would have done in the creation of Roman.

7) If I Dare: I’m conflicted about what this song could mean. At first glance it seems to be about Roman willing to do anything in order to get more creative control over Thomas (“If I dare to risk it, then I know that I'm willing to. If I dare to want this, to want more than I have” “I am holding out for more than what I have now”). Roman really wants to be trusted more and would seemingly take huge risks in order to get that. The part that throws me off is this line: “When the room gets dark, and I am quiet. There's a voice that's soft, like someone's silhouette Saying, "Don't let me go yet"”. To me, this sounds like its about Remus. Possibly Remus begging Roman to not get rid of him and to remain as one. What confuses me is that the line felt so out of place with the rest of the songs meaning. I’m not sure what to do with that information, but if anyone has ideas, let me know.

8) Go the Distance: Roman is so patient... and so unrealistically hopeful... He continues to lay down and let the other sides get their ways because he believes that the wait will be worth it when he finally gets his say (“I'll be there someday, I can go the distance” “I know every mile would be worth my while” “And a thousand years would be worth the wait. It might take a lifetime but somehow I'll see it through”). Despite how many times hes been ignored and let down, he continues to hope that his chance may come one day. Theres also this line: “But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part. For a hero's strength is measured by his heart, oh” which makes me think big time of SvS. He gave up his glory in favor of what Patton wanted because he thinks that it was the more heroic thing to do.

9) Flamboyant: The title really says it all. Roman is extra™️ and he knows that all of the other sides think so too (“I'm a very flaming flammable guy. Some say my fire burns way too high. Some say they find me too hot to touch. But I, I think it's not enough”). I also think its important to note that this song feels a bit out if place with the canon Roman that we know. From what we’ve seen of Roman, he holds back a lot. He denies a great deal of his greed and wants in order to make the others happy and fill in his “hero” persona. This song portrays Roman as having no restraint and not wanting the others to boss him around (“Don't tell me what to do, Don't tell me what to say” “Turn down? I never do” “And no time for restraint”). I’d love to see more of this assertive side of Roman in canon, but right now you can tell that he is holding back. He wishes he didn’t have to, but he feels as though it is necessary to distance himself from Remus.

10) Jumpstarted: Let me set the scene. Thomas is just out an about enjoying his day, he holds open the starbucks door for the guy behind him and... omg... he’s hot... he’s the love of your life Thomas! Roman the proceeds to fanticize about marrying and starting a family with this one random guy that they’ve never talked to nor seen before (“The only one I want is you. I hear the bells and the ring and already, Four kids and the big ol' wedding Singing, You” “And how was I to make a long walk home. You got me feeling like I'm overdosed”). This whole song is just Roman singing about his head-over heals love for a guy in Thomas’ head while Thomas has to act normal and even warns the dude to run away while he has the chance (“Take my advice and run while you still can”). Roman’s quite a hopeless romantic.

11) Brave New Girl: Remember how I said Roman has been holding back and trying to be more polite in order to make himself less like Remus? Well this song is the opposite of that. This is what Roman wants. Roman wants to let lose and be his wildest self again (“She wants a good time” “She needs to really really find what she wants” “There's a brave new girl And she's comin' out tonight” “Who knew she could feel so alive” “Won't take a back seat”). I like to imagine this song taking place after the events of POF. I mean if the others are just going to accept that Janus is good now, then does that mean Remus is good too? If that the case, then what was the point of him and Remus splitting in the first place? This song makes me think that Roman and Remus could team up together in either the next episode, or future episodes to come. Roman is lost and doesn’t really know why he is who he is anymore, so he seeks out Remus, the only one who really understands what he’s going through (“So she met this man, He was kinda rough. He said, girl, what you lookin' for? She said, I don't know I go with the flow. He said, let's get on the floor”). The man in this song could also be Janus I suppose. He does compliment the singer and flatter her, but after the events of the last episode, I find it hard to believe that Roman would be willing to fall for Janus’ flattery again.

12) Every Boy: Roman wants to kiss every boy in the world... and it’s never enough. That is all.

13) Primadonna: What a bop! This song is honestly so good! Again with Roman’s songs making him out to be a lot greedier and wild than he actually has acted in canon (“You can count on me to misbehave”). This song is what I imagine Roman would act like if he had nothing to worry about other than being himself. Roman wants a lot of things and he wants everyone to adore him for the beautiful prince he is (“All I ever wanted was the world” “I can't help that I need it all” “When you give, I want more, more, more” “I wanna be adored” “I know I've got a big ego”).

14) King: You can already tell by the name what this song is about. I’m honestly shocked how obvious it is. At this point we don’t know who made the decision for creativity to split, but this song and a couple of others in the playlist seem to suggest that it was the Roman part of original creativity who decided to push Remus out. He felt as though it was the only way to successfully move forward (“I had to break myself to carry on”). The others sides (I’d like to imagine Patton) tried to convince Creativity to split and despite his not wanting to. His decision to split seemed like it was a very hard one to make and left a lot of pain in its wake (“They say it's easy to leave you behind. I don't want to try” “Is it worth the price?”). Original creativity felt powerful and strong when he was whole, so of course he didn’t want to split (“I was a king under your control”). The song seems to suggest that he tried to repress his ‘Remus’ thoughts in order to remain whole and not lose a part of himself, but this could only work for so long (“Don't wanna have to lose All that I've compromised to feel another high. I've got to keep it down tonight”). In the end, the Roman side of creativity finally won out and both Roman and Remus decided to let each other go (“I wanna feel like you've let me go, So let me go”).

15) Cheap Queen: This song really shows Roman’s struggle with his identity. He’s so quick to change for others in order to be accepted by them (“I can be good sometimes. I'm a cheap queen. I can be a what you like. And I can be bad sometimes. I'm a real queen. I can make grown men cry” “I'm gettin' too cocky since everyone wants me, It's harder to be myself”). This convices me that the way that he’s been acting in the last few episodes (not insulting anyone, very opposed to Janus) is soley him trying to prove that he is good and nothing like Remus. He’s been hiding his true self which we see a lot of in episodes before Remus was introduced. Roman doesn’t want to disappoint Patton in fear of Patton wanting him to split again.

16) Humility: ANOTHER song about Remus. This song is really interesting. It shows us that Roman is VERY confused about his opinion on Remus. He’s lonely and feels incomplete without Remus, He NEEDS Remus back (“I need you in the picture That's why I'm calling you” “I'm the lonely twin, the left hand” “I don't want this isolation” “See the state I'm in now?”). Right after Roman has these thoughts and feelings though, he instantly tries to block them out and retrain the idea that Remus is bad (“Reset myself and get back on track”). He wants Remus back so badly and feels some sort of remorse for kicking him out, but then he ignores those emotions and acts like he hates Remus another moment (“If I pick it up when I know that it's broken Do I put it back? Or do I head out onto the lonesome trail And let you down?”).

17) Aint Got it Like That: Roman is greedy and wants a lot of things, we’ve established this. Most of this song is about how Roman wants more than what he has now, but he still believes it will come if he just waits long enough (“'Cause I ain't really got it like that And one day Imma have it like that And I know that it can't stay this way And one day Imma finally get paid”).

18) Dreamer: I’m not sure whose perspective this song is from, but this feels like a comfort song to Roman. We know that he has a lot of insecurities and struggles to create things because he worries that his ideas won’t be good enough or will be too much like Remus’ ideas. But this song goes completely against that mindset. It’s what Roman wants to hear: “Dream little dreamer, Don't care what they say” “You can do anything” “Dream like you won't fail. Sing like no one's there. Dance like you don't care. Dream.” “Don't fear little dreamer, You'll get there one day” “And I know that it's scary, But you'll succeed” “You're exeptional, You're original” “You're magnificent, You're sensational”.

19) Paving the Runway: This feels like a song from Roman to Thomas and gosh it just feels so loving and sweet... Roman has such big dreams for Thomas and he has so much faith in him (“Cause I know that one day you're gonna fly”). He encourages Thomas to go for his dreams and excel, something that he is hardly told himself (“Go after your dreams, Crazy as they may seem. Go chase all the stars in the sky” “You will reach higher than I ever could”). Roman does everythig he can to set Thomas up for success and to help him reach his dreams (“Darling, stand on my shoulders” “Baby, I'll be paving the runway”).

20) Go.: Again, I’m not sure who the singer of this song is, but I can tell its exactly what Roman wants/needs to hear. Roman is very clearly holding back due to his fear of becoming too much like Remus and that is making it very hard to do his job (“The fear within Has held you hostage. Break free and live. GO.”). This is a good song to be Roman’s last song because I think it helps to show us where Roman’s character is going in the future. He is going to let lose and relax eventually. Perhaps this will lead to him creating the better relationship with Remus that he’s been hoping for throughout this whole playlist. I predict that next episode, well start to see some of this newer, less refrained creativity from Roman.

(And that’s that! If you can tell that theres some tension between Roman and Remus from this playlist, just you wait for Remus’! As usual, let me know what you thought of this ❤️ Love you guys!)