#Dolorous Edd

[valinoar]

jon stannis and edd’s miserable asses on the wall together how did it not collapse from the sheer woefulness emanating off them all

[knightsickness]

cersei can’t breathe without getting called a washed up bitch beefing with a child but when dolorous edd has active beef w stannis’ twelve year old squire for no clear reason the silence is deafening. the younger more beautiful steward ..

[lislemons]

asoiaf characters as posts that remind me of them part 21

[oleworm]

Drawings by my friend. Some ASOIAF characters on my request.

Maegor the Cruel.

Tyrion Lannister.

Daario Naharis.

Dolorous Edd.

[jackoshadows]

The Night's Watch election for Lord Commander is such a riot! Funny and full of twists and turns.

First, five of the brothers keep voting for Three Finger Hobb in all the rounds because they hate his cooking so much they rather have him out of the kitchen and as Lord Commander!

Tonight it was Sam’s turn to give his results first. “Two hundred and three for Ser Denys Mallister,” he said. “One hundred and sixty-nine for Cotter Pyke. One hundred and thirty-seven for Lord Janos Slynt, seventy-two for Othell Yarwyck, five for Three-Finger Hobb, and two for Dolorous Edd.” Sam was more relieved than disappointed. Even with Bowen Marsh’s support, Lord Janos was still only third. “Who are these five who keep voting for Three- Finger Hobb?” he wondered. “Brothers who want him out of the kitchens?” said Clydas.

Even funnier Three Finger Hobb is taking the election seriously and campaigning by cooking them food!

Three-Finger Hobb had promised the brothers roast haunch of mammoth that night, maybe in hopes of cadging a few more votes. If that was his notion, he should have found a younger mammoth, Sam thought, as he pulled a string of gristle out from between his teeth. Sighing, he pushed the food away

Three Finger Hobb also got more votes than Dolorous Edd! Which, I guess, is not surprising, considering Edd gives one of the most depressing campaign speeches ever!

Dolorous Edd got up, stone-faced and glum as ever. “I just want to say to whoever is voting for me that I would certainly make an awful Lord Commander. But so would all these others.”

So who is voting for Edd? Pyp just for fun!

Pyp and his stupid japes

Stannis really, really hates Janos Slynt and does some anti-Slynt campaigning before the team leaders...

“Your Grace, let me say how pleased we are to be summoned here. When I saw your banners from the Wall, I knew the realm was saved. ‘There comes a man who ne’er forgets his duty,’ I said to good Ser Alliser. ‘A strong man, and a true king.’ May I congratulate you on your victory over the savages? The singers will make much of it, I know—” “The singers may do as they like,” Stannis snapped. “Spare me your fawning, Janos, it will not serve you.”

Maester Aemon is dropping all the hints to Sam and going 'I can't be seen choosing any one candidate but someone else can...' Wink Wink!

“The choosing . . . Maester, isn’t there something you could do? What the king said of Lord Janos . . .” “I recall,” Maester Aemon said, “but Sam, I am a maester, chained and sworn. My duty is to counsel the Lord Commander, whoever he might be. It would not be proper for me to be seen to favor one contender over another.” “I’m not a maester,” said Sam. “Could I do something?” Aemon turned his blind white eyes toward Sam’s face, and smiled softy. “Why, I don’t know, Samwell. Could you?”

Cotter Pyke's description of the candidates is hilarious:

“Who? Bowen Marsh? The man counts spoons. Othell’s a follower, does what he’s told and does it well, but no more’n that. Slynt . . . well, his men like him, I’ll grant you, and it would almost be worth it to stick him down the royal craw and see if Stannis gagged, but no. There’s too much of King’s Landing in that one. A toad grows wings and thinks he’s a bloody dragon.” Pyke laughed. “Who does that leave, Hobb? We could pick him, I suppose, only then who’s going toboil your mutton, Slayer? You look like a man who likes his bloody mutton.”

Denys Mallister does a Joe Biden and is like I am old so it's my turn and I deserve this job and also engages in some old-timey classism.

Also everyone hates Janos Slynt!

And this so-called Lord of Harrenhal is a butcher’s whelp upjumped by the Lannisters. Small wonder he is venal and corrupt.”

Sam then does some garden variety electoral fraud and using Ned's philosophy lies to both Denys and Cotter Pyke that Stannis means to chose the other man if no decision was made by that night and setting a deadline. Poor ol' Ned must be turning in his grave knowing his 'some lies are honorable' teachings are being used to commit electoral fraud!

Another candidate then puts in Jon's name as a candidate!!

Maester Aemon answered, from the far end of the hall. “Your name has been put forth as Lord Commander, Jon.” That was so absurd Jon had to smile. “By who?” he said, looking for his friends. This had to be one of Pyp’s japes, surely. But Pyp shrugged at him, and Grenn shook his head. It was Dolorous Edd Tollett who stood. “By me. Aye, it’s a terrible cruel thing to do to a friend, but better you than me.”

Stannis' anti-Slynt campaigning works and Othell Yarwyck who was getting heavily courted by Slynt and Thorne then engages in a sudden twist, gives up his candidature and is like 'I support Jon, here are all his credentials' and does some light campaigning for Jon.

Othell Yarwyck stood up slowly, frowning. The big builder rubbed his long lantern jaw and said, “Well, I’m pulling my name out. If you wanted me, you had ten chances to choose me, and you didn’t. Not enough of you, anyway. I was going to say that those who were casting a token for me ought to choose Lord Janos . . .” Ser Alliser nodded. “Lord Slynt is the best possible—” “I wasn’t done, Alliser,” Yarwyck complained. “Lord Slynt commanded the City Watch in King’s Landing, we all know, and he was Lord of Harrenhal . . .” “He’s never seen Harrenhal,” Cotter Pyke shouted out. “Well, that’s so,” said Yarwyck. “Anyway, now that I’m standing here, I don’t recall why I thought Slynt would be such a good choice. That would be sort of kicking King Stannis in the mouth, and I don’t see how that serves us. Might be Snow would be better. He’s been longer on the Wall, he’s Ben Stark’s nephew, and he served the Old Bear as squire.” Yarwyck shrugged. “Pick who you want, just so it’s not me.” He sat down.

And then, AND THEN, frigging BLOODRAVEN turns up to do some last minute campaigning for Jon Snow that pretty much all but decides the election!

With a raucous scream and a clap of wings, a huge raven burst out of the kettle. It flapped upward, seeking the rafters perhaps, or a window to make its escape, but there were no rafters in the vault, nor windows either. The raven was trapped. Cawing loudly, it circled the hall, once, twice, three times. And Jon heard Samwell Tarly shout, “I know that bird! That’s Lord Mormont’s raven!” The raven landed on the table nearest Jon. “Snow,” it cawed. It was an old bird, dirty and bedraggled. “Snow,” it said again, “Snow, snow, snow.” It walked to the end of the table, spread its wings again, and flew to Jon’s shoulder.

The way Jon's Targaryen ancestors Bryndon Rivers and Maester Aemon came together to get their descendant elected is 🔥. Not to mention Yarwyck going 'Jon is Benjen Stark nephew!' which means his Stark heritage counted as well. Some Ice and Fire stuff in here.

And finally the election is over and Jon wins. Those poor five brothers will have to continue to eat Three Finger Hobb's food!

The humor interspersed throughout chapters like this are why this series just does not get boring no matter how many rereads I do. Even if GRRM never finishes at least we will have some good books out of what we still have.

[thelittlecrannogmen]

also love how when pyp puts edd’s name forward as a joke in the nights watch election edd repeatedly stands up and says “for the love of god nobody vote for me, i’ll strangle you if you do”

and every time they run the vote his count goes up by one

[joyousedd]

this shit rewired my brain like dmt. death not as in ruin and despair but death as in an indisputable, irrevocable relief. death as in the final long rest

[jonsource]

For @gameofthronesdaily Event 03 : Friendship

[nulnoildrinker]

Other than the dope narrative functions and following up on the grounds laid by the Varamyr chapter, I like the theory of Jon warging into Ghost at the time of his death. This is because it might lead to some reverse-ratatouille shenanigans where Ghost tries to nudge people to resurrect Jon while The North descends into total anarchy.

I imagine Edd and Satin losing their minds trying to keep the various factions at The Wall in line, while their dead friend's large, apex predator dog seems even more lucid than normal.

Imagine standing at the front lines of the encroaching apocalypse, poorly armed and and barely united; any and all leadership having either died, left or disagreeing, and then there is this massive wolf looking at you like it wants to tell you that Little Jimmy is stuck in the well.

[winterprince601]

considering how often they have to go chasing after him in canon, i just KNOW modern au snow patrol are tired. someone has to be on jon-watch every time they go clubbing because one sip of alcohol activates his stark wolf hindbrain and he's off. sam then spends the next two hours in escalating panic as dolorous edd lists every dangerous and terrible thing that could be happening to him. eventually grenn always finds him drunkenly trauma dumping on a complete stranger (this is how jon makes 90% of his friends) and drags him home by the scruff of his neck. there's a betting pool on when pyp will snap and buy one of those toddler leashes. pyp tried this once. jon gnawed through it.

[sdaedal]

dolorous

adjective: causing, marked by, or expressing misery or grief

[stormborns]

GAME OF THRONES 4.09, The Watchers on the Wall

[atopvisenyashill]

I love the Night’s Watch chapters for a lot of reasons but a lot of it is the dynamic between all the boys Jon befriends - Sam, Pyp, Grenn, and poor Small Paul. Sam starts off very convinced that they’re going to leave him because he’s Jon’s brother, not theirs, except Grenn just point blank refuses to leave Sam behind, and Small Paul is insistent that he can carry Sam as well.

Grenn and Small Paul even refuse when given the okay to leave Sam by another brother!

When Jon wakes up at Castle Black, the first thing he does is reach out for his brothers, and Pyp holds his hand!!!

Jon is upset with Grenn for leaving Sam behind at Craster’s but Grenn doesn’t brush it off - he is crushed by what he did, and feels guilty as all hell, and Pyp has to try to cheer him up!

Jon smiles at their antics while they’re in the middle of a long siege/battle that is overwhelming them.

And then of course, when they’re all reunited, they are so adorable

The scene when Jon is chosen as Lord Commanded has so much Pyp, and my man Dolorous Edd being the funniest person in the room as usual

i just love them all so much!! they’re brothers!!!!!!

[mirandahamilton]

dolorous edd requested by remembertheskittles

[kooryoin]

dolorous edd makes jon's chapters feel like the office episodes, he's always there to complain just like stanley from the office

[queen-of-andor]

Dolorous Edd got up, stone-faced and glum as ever. "I just want to say to whoever is voting for me that I would certainly make an awful Lord Commander. But so would all these others."

This quote of Dolorous Edd is so relatable to the recent elections in various countries of our world.

When, all the voting choices you have are awful...