#EDIT: Further explanation in the replies

[liedownquisition]

Hey if the Lazarus Pit can cure brain cancer which apparently Hush "greatest surgeon in the world" wasn't able to fix, (he diagnosed Riddler as Terminal) how the FUCK is Hush supposedly able to fix Jason's "severe brain trauma" that the LAZARUS PIT couldn't fix????

[crystallizedkingdoms]

hey so like just a reminder guys. don’t give katara traditional inuit tattoos if you’re not inuit. and if you see art like that made by those who aren’t inuit please don’t reblog it. tunniit are a closed practice and it’s really disheartening to see people who aren’t inuit use them for their art. I don’t wanna make a kardala post pt. 2 so be niceys

edit: to anyone who clicked on here, thank you! i go into more detail on my opinion of the use of tunniit/kakiniit by qallunaat artists in the replies of this post, but i also have a deeper explanation in another post regarding a podcast character unrelated to ATLA/Katara. youre welcome to kindly ask further questions either in the replies of this post or in my askbox. i delete/block bad faith questions and rude people.

[yes-no-maybe-soo]

Hello, I hope I'm not bothering you with this message, but I wanted to ask you something.

I recently started playing Love and DeepSpace a few weeks ago. I actually downloaded it because of Sylus—his edits kept appearing on my feed, and I was instantly drawn to him. However, after downloading the game and going through his chapters, I found his behavior toward the MC quite problematic.

One of my friends told me that Sylus isn’t like the typical dark romance characters from today’s BookTok trends, which honestly made me even more excited to explore his story. But when I watched Long-Awaited Revelry, I was honestly shocked by how he was handling the MC. I couldn’t help but wonder—is this really the same man who once sacrificed himself for her?

I tried my best to dig deeper into his lore, and I genuinely found his character to be selfless and sacrificial. But I’m struggling to understand how someone so selfless could hurt the MC in the main storyline. I can overlook many things, but one scene in particular really gave me a huge ick—when he takes her to Philip's shop. If I remember correctly, he uses his evol on her body, and she even says, “It hurts.” Then he replies with, “You will hurt even more.” That scene truly unsettled me. How could he say that when she clearly expressed she was in pain? Isn't that physical abuse?

Please correct me if I’m misunderstanding or wrongly labeling it as abuse. I just can't seem to make sense of that moment, especially after immersing myself in his backstory. It feels like the writers did him dirty in Long-Awaited Revelry. I mean, if someone could sacrifice their life for the person they love, how could they ever intentionally hurt them—even to remind them of the past?

It’s really hard for me to connect the version of Sylus we see in that scene with the one from his 5-star memories, where he seems like a completely different, much softer person. I genuinely love him a lot, and that’s what makes it even more upsetting. I usually adore dark characters—the kind who would burn the world for their beloved but would never hurt their beloved. Sylus doing this in the main story was unexpected and, honestly, kind of icky for me. 🥲

How do I come to terms with his redemption arc after knowing what he did in Long-Awaited Revelry (especially that physical hurt while taking her to the shop)? Is there a deeper context I might be missing—something that justifies his behavior? I really don’t want to dislike him, but it’s hard to reconcile such a hurtful scene with the selfless man his backstory shows. And again im saying i do not hate him but its just hard to overlook that scene especially knowing that he loves her so much and is willing to do anything for her. It seems like the Sylus who is shown in the long awaited reverly is not the same Sylus who is shown as so selfless in his myth and in his recent soft memory cards.

So I've already gone into this a bit in two previous asks that you can find here and here. But I can delve into it again, though my answer will be the same just more in depth I guess lol ^^

Ok so here are my main points

I don't at all think that this is a case of bad or inconsistent writing by Sylus' creative team. Sylus is a carefully – meticulously, even – crafted character who'd been in development for at least 5 years before he was introduced in the main story. I guarantee that his team know what they are doing with him and that they'd never do him dirty. They love him as much as if not more than we the fanbase do.

It's important to remember that we lack a lot of lore and context. We don't have all the puzzle pieces yet when it comes to Sylus or his relationship with MC. We're missing a huge chunk of backstory starting from their escape from the nebula up to Sylus' Anecdote. It is very possible that something happened in that time (or perhaps in another myth?) that can provide further explanations for Sylus' behavior in LAR. We'll just have to be patient and see.

For now though the simplest and most logical explanation to me is that Sylus is acting out of character in early LAR because he is in emotional distress. He is hurt, distraught, frustrated, desperate, possibly even fearful. He did not at all expect for things to happen the way they did, for the love of his life to not recall him at all even after coming face to face, for her to hate him, nor for her powers to be weak. I think it's pretty clear that he worries something was done to weaken her during the time that he wasn't observing her from afar – hence why he takes her to Philip and why he asks him if "someone put in a suppressor". Her suddenly deteriorated power makes him anxious for MC's future safety, and his fear has good reason – he is aware of the dangers posed to her by EVER.

He is also just simply desperate for her to regain her memories, which is also understandable. His pain and grief and frustration over his literal soulmate being unable to remember a single thing about him makes even more sense now after Death and Rebirth and the Timelock Key event. I'm ngl I wouldn't handle the same scenario well at all either, but would probably have a major crashout, especially if I'd done and been through all that Sylus has. In early LAR Sylus is basically a person who is desperately trying to remind a loved one (a literal chosen soulmate at that) with amnesia of their past and of themself. (An example of his trying to jog her memories is this part right here where he is recreating an environment mimicking the arena they fought in as kids).

To put it simply, Sylus isn't calm or rational or gentle because the situation he is in is deeply emotionally distressing and unexpected, and in his distraught state he is willing to cross lines he would not in normal situations. He loses himself, going as far as to override his core principle re: MC (her autonomy and consent). In this instance of raw hurt and desperation he thinks that the ends justify the means. This alone shows that he is not in a good or normal state of mind (and again why would he be?)

Now, that being said, does Sylus' emotional distress excuse his actions or make them justifiable? No. Because what he did in LAR simply isn't justifiable and isn't meant to be.

Like I've said before, you'll never catch me defending his actions or making excuses for them regardless of Sylus' reasonings. His behavior was wrong, and is portrayed as such by the narrative. We are meant to be uncomfortable and upset by those scenes. And we are meant to take MC's side and empathise with her as the victim of harsh and fucked up treatment, (while we can also with the context we now have also empathise with Sylus' emotional pain and anxiety – but we shouldn't excuse or justify him). Sylus himself realizes that he went way too far and obviously deeply regrets it – that's why his behavior changes notably afterwards. He is never again forceful or coercive with MC, but on the contrary always walks at her pace, and is twice shown to be prepared to let go of her. And I think his character is all the more beautiful for the fact that he is capable of learning from his mistakes and of bettering himself.

So in summary; Sylus behaving out of character in those early chapters makes perfect sense considering the circumstances and is imo an instance of good and realistic writing rather than bad or thoughtless. The writers were not in any way doing Sylus dirty, but were showing us a character that is flawed and emotionally hurting and capable of fucking up royally in certain situations, but who is also capable of real self reflection and of learning from his mistakes. The early chapters in LAR are integral to his character development, adding layers and depth and vulnerability to him and thus, ironically enough, make him more "human".

This is my perspective anyway, and I hope that it provided some food for thought ♡. I do want to say though that if you still feel the same re: Sylus' behavior, or if you have a completely different perspective from mine, that's ok and understandable. As always I am simply stating my own personal thoughts and interpretations, nothing more nothing less. Not trying to influence or change the way anyone thinks or feels or stating that my interpretation is the "correct" one. I am just working with the material we currently have and trying to piece the pieces together in the way that makes most sense to me, but which inevitably might not to others.

[solitary-traveler]

Ascent to Oblivion part 2 - echoes of regret

He wanted you to awaken, yet he’s not sure why. Maybe he wanted answers. A reasonable explanation for your absurd actions.

Notes: Ahhhhh, I'm finally free again! I'm so sorry for not posting for a while, I was busy. Anyways, thank you so much for being patient with me. Part 2 is finally outttt. Also, tried a new writing style? I decided to go for less editing on this one, I want to see if it's better in terms of writing emotions. Thank you for 100 followers btw. You guys are the best <33

Warning: reader is not traveler btw, scara's pov after the battle, slight angst?

Peace was a luxury that Scaramouche could never afford.

How could he, when the treachery was etched in the steps of his past ?

Yet the solitude that submerged the city of Sumeru leaves a bitter taste resting on his tongue. He settled beside a statue of the Greater Lord Rukkhadevata, overlooking the city she once presided over. The region he was supposed to subjugate and bend to his will. 

For once, he’ll be the one exercising control, toying with the strings of his very own marionette play. He’ll devote himself to the role of the puppeteer, finding delight in engineering the people to act according to his words and his words alone. To constrain them to kneel and beg for mercy, manipulating their resolve for his own amusement. 

But alas, it was not meant to be. For he had been defeated by a pesky Traveler and their idiotic companions. 

Scaramouche’s face soured. 

What a disgrace.

His sharp eyes remained its scornful glare at the city. He can not stand staring at the tranquility he yearned to have. The gentle winds that rushed his way seemed to mock him further . It left a lingering caress on his cheek, offering a taste of what he’d been missing for 500 years. He scowls, the hatred evident in his features. A flurry of fallen leaves soon crashed in his direction, dancing away as it avoided him to catch up with the gust of air. One such leaf had landed on your face though, as you lay asleep beside him. He had almost forgotten he brought you here on a whim, despite the Lesser Lord Kusanali’s warnings. 

Their conversation was still fresh in his mind. Having visited you a few times everyday, the Dendro Archon’s attention was caught. She harbored a small smile on her tiny face, her voice warm as usual.

“You don’t have to come here everyday you know?”

He recalls sighing in reply, “I know.”

“But I have to”

Have to, huh?

His answer never really made sense, even to him. He doesn't know why he possessed such a strong obligation to see you. Maybe it had something to do with the turmoil of emotions he was experiencing, raging in his non-existent heart and influencing his thoughts. He wanted you to awaken, yet he’s not sure why.

Maybe he wanted answers. A reasonable explanation for your absurd actions.

Scara still remembers that day. Every single detail. He can’t forget how your body pressed against his, the metallic red a cool contrast to his overheating skin. The way your arms encompassed around him, squeezing him tightly like you were terrified he’d vanish without a trace. He recounts the smash of the debris falling on you, a consequence you suffered for attempting to shield him from danger. 

A stupid move, really. 

He was a puppet, a mere rubble like that was not a threat to his utility. Yet you , with all your mortal characteristics, decided to play hero and shelter him from it. Now look where that got you.

Asleep . 

For two whole weeks. 

Why even bother doing something like that? He wasn’t someone you’d want to save. He had hurt you prior to his fall, yet with no hesitation, you jumped to catch him. 

…You dumbass.

What’s so special about him anyways?

He was nothing more than a discarded puppet, a vessel that was tossed away. A broken doll who's shattered pieces had crumbled to dust, leaving behind a shell of who he once was. 

What part of him was worthy of your adoration? To the point where you disregard your safety just to come to his rescue?

He was insignificant.  A failure . A worthless scrap of metal.

The despairing sobs he vocalized that day served as a reminder that his existence was a mistake. He plummeted to a time in the past when a shed tear sealed his fate to be discarded. He expected you to do the same. 

Yet you didn't .

You didn't abdicate him. You didn't push him away. You simply emboldened your hold and refused to let go. Your touch brought such fervor ardor he had never felt before, a fleeting emotion that loiters within his senses despite the passage of time. Your touch provided him the solace he'd been searching for. But did he even deserve that comfort? 

He eyes your complexion, and his chest burns. What a cruel play by fate, charming the wires of affection out of his grasp and awarding it to you like a trophy.

If only you didn't catch him, then he wouldn't be this troubled.

If only you let him fall.

If only you never cared.

The burn starts to grow, the searing sting tormenting the foundation of his being. His stomach lurches, oh how badly he wants to throw up. Maybe he'll end up vomiting all these useless feelings too.

He wills to change the past, for a preferable outcome in the future. If he never existed, this dilemma would cease to exist. He wouldn’t have to suffer, and you would go on your merry way. Like a parallel line, your paths would never be bound to meet. Maybe then, you wouldn’t be asleep in the first place. Maybe you’d be out there somewhere, roaming Teyvat with the Traveler without the hindrance of his presence.

His existence bordered between pain and fury anyway, and he knew more than anyone how it was certainly a life not worth prevailing. 

With a sigh, Scara narrowed those eyes of his in your direction. How dare you look so peaceful when he's over here, drenched in a scorching passion of self-hatred? The audacity to just remain there, with your pretty eyes closed, and not bother doing anything about it. He huffs, ready to hurl more insults at you. Maybe you’ll wake up from it, returning his jabs as you shoot him a dirty look. And yet… 

“Sorry…”

Something entirely different tumbled out of his mouth. He blinks, barely registering the phrases ripped from his throat. Did he just-

“...I’m sorry”

Why was he apologizing? What was there to apologize for? He wanted to slander you for your interference in his life, not to beg for forgiveness.

A drop of water descends onto your cheek. Huh?

Was it starting to rain?

“...You idiot”

He stops. Has he always sounded like that? Strained… and distressed? 

And why was his vision blurring?

“Please…”

The pang of discomfort bites him without a warning, and it hurts. It hurts so bad. His trembling hands reach out to you. He wants to nuzzle against your arms again, to have you drown out his sorrows in an act of intimacy he’s been longing for.

“Please wake up already”

Taglist: @featuredtofu, @slaylatus, @feikyuu, @yourfavoritefreakyhan, @materialgrowll,

@lxkeeeee, @l4r1n3, @cicil-nema, @alaynac101-blog, @beomtorii2,

@strawbeewie,

@gravy-kfc, @kaeeelie, @pocketdroll, @ladyvelvette, @mmeatt,

@itzshizuyaxd, @swivi

Taglist for (possible) part 3??

[jeonqkooks]

our beloved summer | jjk (7.5) (m.)

You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isn’t as strong as you thought.

pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader rating: 18+ (minors dni) genres/warnings: exes au, fluff, Angst, smut; THE REASON™️, crying because obviously there's gonna be crying, mentions of hobi leaving :(, cursing, uhm she hits him; kissing (well, of course 😂), br*ast play, t*tty s*cking, oral s*x (f. receiving), f*ngering, unprotected s*x, r*ding, cr*ampie, uhm idk i think that's it word count: 6.9k (poetic, i know) note (1): holy fucking shit i am literally shaking like a chihuahua as i'm writing this a/n. what the hell it's finally here. we've been waiting for this for almost a year and a half. TREMENDOUS thanks to Jo @daechwitatamic, Ari @/wintaerbaer (edited 2024: crossed out but not removed bc even tho she plagiarized obs afterward, she did beta this for me so i guess i still gotta give her that lmfao), and Jazz @jeonwiixard for beta-ing this for me and for reassuring me that it's not a load of crap (probably) and especially Jo for telling me if i back out she'll come kick me. frick! gaaaah. okay i'm gonna let you read or i'll go out of my mind

series masterpost / playlist ; moodboards ; taglist

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

I want you to smile, to feel like enough 'Cause you deserve yellow and lions and love I hope you come back when you're doing well Forgive me for being the worst of myself

New Recording 28 - Chelsea Cutler

The second the door is closed, his mouth is on yours again. 

His hand on your waist, yours in his hair, it’s similar to how it was mere minutes ago, just the urgency has increased tenfold. You want his suit off as much as you want your dress on the floor.

Jungkook detaches from your lips to let you breathe as he cages you between his body and the door, but it’s not like you can focus very well on breathing when he starts kissing down your neck, sucking bruises into your skin. His hands travel south, one palm curving around your hips to grope your ass, the other settling on the back of your thigh to lift it up, opening your legs wider so he could better slot in between them. With your leg lifted, it makes the slit in your dress ride up, exposing your core to the cool air of the room. You can feel his growing bulge pressed against you, right over your panties. 

You whimper his name when he sucks on the sweet spot on your neck, his hips grinding against you slowly.

“Yeah?” You can hear the smirk in that one simple word and the honey that drips from his voice. “What is it?”

“Want you…”

“I’m right here,” Jungkook says. His slender fingers rub you over the pink lace that you’re wearing underneath your dress, teasing your opening through the fabric for a few beats before he pushes your panties aside. “Fuck, you’re so wet.”

His breath is hot on your neck. He presses his lips against your skin absentmindedly, the tip of his index circling you but not pushing inside just yet.

“Tell me you want me too,” you pant, your arm hooking around his neck to hold him close.

“I want you.”

Truth.

You pull him in for another bruising kiss before you blindly push him further into the room, your hands roaming the broad expanse of his clothed chest. He stops when the back of his knees hit the bed.

“Hey.” Jungkook breaks away from the kiss to look at you. “Are you sure?”

If Jimin knew what you’re doing right now, he’d say that you have zero self preservation instincts.

He’d be right, though. If you had any self preservation instincts, you wouldn’t be doing this.

Your stupid, battered heart has only ever wanted him.

“I’m sure,” comes your immediate reply. It’s desperate, but you don’t have it in yourself to even care. “I’m sure. I want this. Please.”

“You were drinking.”

“I’m not drunk. I promise.”

Maybe it’d be better if you were drunk. Then you could at least blame this lapse of judgment on a pathetic state of inebriation and not on your stupid self who’s always weak for him.

He stares at you for a minute, searching for any sign of your willingness being driven by alcohol. He seems relieved when he finds none, and it isn’t until then that he shrugs off his jacket, before helping you take off his dress shirt and trousers.

You haven’t seen him like this in so long.

Every defined line on his body, accentuating every detail that you could spend hours running your fingers over.

He looks different but at the same time, not really. A tad more muscular, but still the same lean frame. Hard chest and abs on full display for you. God, your fingers are fucking twitching with the need to touch him.

Once he’s been stripped down to his boxers, he leans down to kiss you before you stop him with a hand on his chest. The lone tiger lily on his arm catches your attention.

Your fingers reach out to trace the black ink on his body, the lines delicate, your touch feather light. You’re suddenly curious. When did he get it? You can’t remember if you two ever talked about getting tattoos.

“What does it mean?” you ask. It strikes you with the realization that this is just one of the thousands of things that you missed, a reminder of your lost time. 

“Please love me,” he says, bringing his hands up to cup your face. He looks at you, just for a few seconds, before clarifying, “It means ‘Please love me,’” then kissing you again.

Jungkook clumsily and blindly searches for the dress’ zipper on your back, giving it a few impatient tugs until it finally starts gliding down your body. Your lips never part from one another as the dress falls to the floor, pooling at your feet. But once you step out of it, he does pull back to look at you from head to toe. His eyes fall to your chest, clad in a lacy pink bra that matches your panties. The look he gives you is the same one that he did when he saw you in your dress earlier today. But there’s something else in his eyes - realization, pride, perhaps a question too.

His hands are back on your body instantly, throwing you onto the bed, crawling over you like a predator. He discards your bra with ease, flinging it to the floor with the rest of your clothes. You shiver when the chilly air meets your bare chest, but the sensation quickly goes away when he takes your breast into his warm mouth. You let out a delighted sigh, arching your back to push yourself further into him as his tongue flicks over your stiff nipple. One of his hands comes up to squeeze your other breast to make sure that it isn’t neglected, rolling your pebbled bud between his thumb and forefinger. He switches to sucking your other tit after a while, then pawing at the one he just had in his mouth.

“Jungkook,” you whine his name when he makes out with your tits for too long, because there’s somewhere else that desperately requires his immediate attention. “Need you…”

He releases your nipple with a wet pop, and he looks pleased with himself when he sees that they’re thoroughly glistening with his spit. “Sorry,” he says with a chuckle. “Didn’t mean to keep you waiting.” He starts making his way down your body, kissing every inch of your skin that’s on display for him, before you put a hand on his shoulder when his face gets close to your thighs.

“What are you doing?”

He looks up at you as his fingers ghost over the fabric of your panties. “Can I?”

You lick your lips, contemplating whether or not you have the patience to wait for him. But alas, you decide, “Okay.”

Jungkook makes quick work of sliding your underwear down your legs and letting it join the pile on the floor. Even in the dim light, he can see just how wet you are, practically glittering with arousal, looking so utterly inviting that it makes his mouth water. All of this, just for him.

He doesn’t waste another second, diving right into you to lick a stripe up your dripping folds. Swiftly burying two fingers into your heat, he doesn’t stop until he’s knuckles deep. Your lips part in a silent but delighted moan. You forgot how good he used to make you feel. Your fingers could never feel as good as his, not thick enough to stretch yourself open and not long enough to reach deep inside of you.

“Fuck,” you drawl, your eyes fluttering shut when the tip of his tongue meets your throbbing clit, teasing it until you’re practically grinding against his face. You thread a hand into his hair, gripping his dark locks until he’s groaning, sending blissful vibrations all throughout your body. The figure 8’s that his tongue draws on your clit sets you alight, sends you into a whole other dimension completely as pleasure courses through your veins. 

“So good,” he mumbles. To you? To himself? You can’t tell, but that doesn’t really matter. “Still so good.”

You hear it, just how soaked you are, as he begins thrusting his digits in and out of you. He strokes your walls delicately with each press of his fingers, scissoring you open for what you know is to come. 

His tongue dips into your entrance then, teases your dripping hole as you pant heavily, 

Your legs close in on his head as the orgasm nears, but he keeps your thighs apart, firmly holding them open as he makes you unravel.

This is fucking unreal - Jungkook with his whole face tucked between your legs, desperate to make you come with his talented mouth. You never would have anticipated this when you woke up this morning.

No, just a while ago you were crying by yourself down at the beach. Now you’re crying out his name as he smothers himself in you.

Once he starts curling them inside of you, it’s embarrassing how fast you come. You clench hard around his fingers as the orgasm washes over you, dripping down his fingers and he uses the added wetness to carry you through the high.

“Jungkook…” you whimper, sounding completely fucked out even though it’s only just beginning. After a while, the heightened pleasure fades into the background, and he presses soft kisses against your inner thigh.

He crawls his way up your body until he’s facing you again. You watch his fingers and the way they’re coated in your juices, wondering what he’ll do with them next. Jungkook languidly smears the wetness all over your lips like he’s carefully painting them, only to kiss you afterward. When you moan against him, he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. Your hand finds its way into his boxers then, wrapping your fingers around his hardened length, pumping him in your fist until he’s shallowly rutting against you.

The kiss gets broken when he suddenly pulls away, realization dawning on him. “Shit,” he exclaims. “I don’t have a condom.”

“Oh.” You blink at him, then you both just look at each other for a while. This isn’t a problem with no solution, even if the solution is a disastrous one in hindsight. You just want him, so badly that you can’t think of anything else.

He waits for you, doesn’t dare say anything else until you do.

Yet again, the opportunity presents itself for you to stop.

But you’ve already gone this far, and though it’s damn near impossible, you want him even more than you did before.

“Are you clean?” you ask.

It’s evident that he’s surprised by the way his eyes widen, and his silence that follows for the next half a minute. “Yeah,” he tells you.

“Okay. Then we don’t need a condom.”

He says your name once, his fingers brushing your hair away from your face sweetly. You always did like your name best when it used to fall from his lips so softly. “Are you sure?” he asks.

“I’m sure. I promise.”

Jungkook sucks in a breath, like he’s steadying himself, before he rids himself of the remaining piece of clothing on his body, then settles between your legs again. This time, his cock rests directly on your bare pussy. The anticipation makes it harder for you to breathe, makes you squeeze your thighs around his waist to not let him leave.

“How long has it been?”

Your answer is vague. “Too long,” you say. You don’t want to tell him that there’s been no one else since him, but you have a feeling that he understands it anyway. You think that he’d be pleased with your answer, that maybe it would boost his ego in a way, but there’s only a certain sadness that settles in his eyes. 

“Okay.” Regardless, he pushes past the sudden gloom that befalls his features, blinking away the disheartenment swimming in his irises, to align himself with your entrance. He rubs his cock against your pussy to coat you in his precum, even though you yourself are certainly more than wet enough for him to slide home easily. “Ready?”

“Yes,” you confirm, bracing your hands on his shoulders as he eases the tip into you, making the both of you moan at the contact. You feel him, all of him.

For a second, you wonder if he has ever forgone protection with anyone else, or if it’s only ever been just you.

Jungkook takes one of your hands off his shoulder to lay it flat on the bed next to your head, lacing your fingers together, giving your hand a slight squeeze. “Breathe. You can do it.”

“Give me a minute.”

“We’ve got time,” he says, his voice smooth like velvet.

“Can you kiss me?” you ask, almost like you’re shy even though he’s balls deep inside of you.

He chuckles lightly, so endeared by you and your silly question.

His lips meet yours sweetly, like doing so would help make the stretch less painful. Maybe it does, at least a little bit. 

You can feel his cock throbbing inside of you, and he’s probably trying so hard to hold back, but he keeps kissing you nonetheless.

“You can move,” you say after a while.

“I’ll go slow, okay?”

“Okay.”

He rears his hips back, slowly, then thrusts forward again. You whimper from the slight burn, but it’s nothing you can’t handle. His movements are gentle for the next couple of minutes or so, and it isn’t until you start opening up more that he sets a steadier pace. Even when he starts to fuck you faster, one of his hands is still on your hips, rubbing your skin soothingly. 

“Fuck,” Jungkook grunts out, followed by a sigh of your name as he pumps into your cunt, every ridge and vein of his cock dragging deliciously in and out of your walls. “You feel so good.”

He gazes down at you as he moves, and there’s just something so intimate about it that it makes you want to cry again.

You know what it’s like to have him fuck you, and this isn’t it.

No, this is something else entirely.

I love you, you think. I love you so fucking much.

“Missed you.” His words come out hushed, caught in half a moan, half a whimper. “Missed you so fucking much.”

“Did you think about me?”

“Always,” he says, without even missing a beat.

“No,” you clarify. “When you were sleeping with other people, did you think about me?”

“I only thought about you.” His hips stutter as he tells you this, like he’s confessing to something that he shouldn’t. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

You never admitted this to anyone, not even Taehyung even though he probably sensed it, but you used to feel like you could be physically sick just looking at the photos on his feed every time you’d lurk on a drunken night. They were never flashy, just subtle enough for you to know that there was someone. It made you nauseous, because the place next to him was always supposed to be yours.

You just stare at him, not knowing how to process this bit of information. Sure, it’s an ego boost. There’s some pride in knowing that you were the one on his mind even if you weren’t together.

He’s so utterly gorgeous like this that you can’t form a single coherent thought, too lost in the way his eyes bore into yours and in the blossoming warmth that spreads all over your chest from hearing his words.

How did he manage to get even more beautiful? Sculpted by the gods. The standard for all men.

“What is it?” he asks when you stare at him for too long.

“I…” You blink away the daze. “I wanna be on top.”

“Okay.”

Jungkook slips out of you just long enough to get seated with his back against the headboard and pull you into his lap. You hover over him, letting his tip rub against your dripping hole for a moment before you sink onto him. You tip your head back and sigh as you envelope him fully again, the only difference is that you can feel him so much deeper like this.

He grabs your ass with both hands, kneading your skin as he helps you ride him. The sounds that you make together are downright obscene, bouncing off the walls, ringing in your ears.

“Harder,” you tell him shakily. “Don’t wanna hurt you.”

“I want it to hurt,” you say, holding onto him like you’re bracing for impact, because you know he’ll give you what you want. “Make it hurt.”

Jungkook sighs once, then digs his heels into the mattress to steady himself before his hips go wild, thrusting into you with such force that it nearly has you sobbing, your head falling onto his shoulder. It makes you burn with pleasure, like a star before it becomes a supernova. When the tension starts building quickly, you can’t help but slam your hips down harder to meet his thrusts, to chase that high.

You press your lips against his skin, any spot you could find - his jaw, his neck, his shoulder. “Tell me you love me.”

The words are ready on the tip of his tongue, like he’s been waiting for an opportunity to say it. He doesn’t miss a single beat as he tells you, “I love you.”

“Mean it.”

“I do mean it. I love you.”

Truth.

For some sick and twisted reason, his words send you crashing over the edge, falling into that abyss of pleasure that you’ve been searching for. You say his name, over and over again, like you’re making up for all the years that he wasn’t around to hear it.

Your walls convulse wildly around him as you cry out, your toes curling, your thighs shaking. He holds you close, thrusting into you through your orgasm until you’re dizzy, like you could actually pass out from the overwhelming bliss.

“I’m close,” he tells you in a raspy voice.

You catch your breath long enough to say, “Come for me.”

“Where do you want it?”

“Inside,” you say without much thought. If you were in a clearer state of mind, you would know that it’s reckless and stupid. You’re not on birth control, and if anything were to happen, you would have no one to blame but yourself.

But you aren’t in a clear state of mind, and maybe this is even more dangerous than if you were fueled by alcohol. At least you can sober up from alcohol.

You just want him so badly that rationality seems like a luxury you can’t afford right now.

“Y/N,” he whispers shakily, though there’s a warning edge to his voice that you understand.

“I want you to come inside me. I want it. I want it so bad. Please.”

Jungkook groans at your answer. 

He doesn’t ask you to look at him, instead choosing to hide his face against your neck where you feel something wet glide down your skin as he grips your hips. It’s followed by a sniffle, and hands that hold onto you like you’re a lifeline. 

He’s crying, and that breaks your fucking heart.

You don’t know what to do. Part of you wants to tilt his chin up to look at you, because it feels strange without his tender gaze on you, but you decide against it even though the tips of your fingers tingle with the need to do so. 

Your walls clench with purpose, squeezing around him, trying to help you get there. It’s not that long before you hear your name falling from his lips in a choked out moan, so needy and beautiful and makes you nostalgic. He empties himself inside of you, making you shudder from the sudden warmth that he paints along your walls.

You stay in the same position for a few more minutes until your chest is no longer heaving with exhaustion and euphoria. He gently pulls you off his lap to lay you down on the bed, pressing an apologetic kiss against your bare shoulder when you wince from the oversensitivity, from any kind of movement at all. 

When he moves to throw on his boxers and goes to stand up, you reach for him. “Where are you going?” You instantly feel pathetic for asking.

He pauses, then squeezes your hand as that sadness from before makes an appearance in his eyes again. “I’m just going to the bathroom,” he tells you, his voice quiet.

The relief on your face must be visible. “Okay,” you say. Rationally, you know he probably wouldn’t fuck you and leave you the second the deed is done. But again, rationality is a luxury at the moment.

Jungkook returns a couple of minutes later with a warm cloth, and dabs it between your legs to clean you up. You grimace when he touches you there, evidently sore already from the activities you just engaged in.

“Sorry,” he’s quick to say, though it isn’t really his fault. Or maybe it is his fault. You’re not sure if that even matters.

When he’s done, he gets under the covers with you. “Come here,” he says, then shuffles your body closer to his until he’s holding you with his hands on your bare waist. He leans down to kiss you, and you let him. God, you feel like you’re fucking melting.

It’s different from the kiss down at the beach, and it’s different from the needy ones you shared in the past hour. It’s soft and slow and easy, like there’s nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about.

Jungkook breaks away eventually, and rests his forehead against yours then. One of his hands on your waist slides up to your ribs, until his thumb could brush the underside of your breast. The touch is gentle, sweet, completely innocent.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers. He means everything he tells you. “You’re perfect.”

You even blush, like you’re a stupid lovesick teenager. “Tell me,” you say.

“Anything.”

You reckon it’s self-indulgent at this point. You’re only asking to feel better about your place in his life, or rather, the place that used to be yours.

“Tell me you can’t live without me.”

He nudges his nose against yours. No hesitation. “I can’t live without you.”

Truth. You know it’s the truth.

Nonetheless… “Liar.” Your tone is soft. There’s no bite at all. You touch his face, trying to commit to memory every detail, how his soft skin feels under your touch as if it’s the last time you’ll ever get to see him like this. Maybe it is. You never got to have a last time with him, never got to know that it was ending before it already ended. You’re not thinking about the morning because you don’t want to, but the seed of anxiety is there in your belly. Your fingers trace his jawline as you say, “You lived without me. You were doing fine without me.”

His lips ghost over your cheek. “It wasn’t much of a life,” he says. “I couldn’t bear it without you.”

The thing is, you know that he’s being honest. And it should make you feel good that you affected him as much as he affected you.

But then… it keeps leading you back to that question. The question that you thought you could go the rest of your life without knowing the answer to. But for that to be possible, you needed him to stay gone, stay out of your world forever.

He shouldn’t be here, tangled up in the sheets with you and kissing you like his life depends on it. 

He shouldn’t tell you that he misses you, that he loves you. Shouldn’t tell you to please, love him too.

It’s contradictory, isn’t it? You needed to never see him again if you stood a chance of moving on with your life. You needed it and yet, all you wanted was to have him back by your side.

The tattoo catches your attention again. It feels like it’s laughing at you, mocking you.

You clench your teeth once, your eyes beginning to turn glassy. Jungkook sees it, and he’s quick to break up your train of thought. He presses his mouth to yours, shushing you with a deep kiss that makes your head spin, despite it all.

“Don’t think about it,” he mumbles against your lips, so desperate to get you to stop. As if he can sense where this could lead.

“How could I not? I don’t know who you are anymore.”

“You know me.” He holds onto your wrist, to keep your hand on his face before you can pull it away. “I’m still the same.”

“No, you’re not,” you say quietly, absentmindedly.

“Yes,” he insists. “Yes, I am.”

Maybe that’s true. Maybe you do see the person you used to know. But you only ever see him in glimpses and it always leaves you with a terrible, nauseous feeling afterward.

He doesn’t understand how much it hurts you to catch glimpses of the boy you used to love - the boy you still love - only to realize that maybe that isn’t the person he wants to be anymore. It feels like he keeps trying to kill that version of himself, like he despises the person who meant the world to you.

Are you gone forever?

Come back quietly.

“How old are you?” you ask after a moment.

The question makes him pause, his soft features twisting in confusion. He leans back a bit, so his eyes could focus on your face better.

“What?”

“How old are you?” you repeat.

It takes him another while to answer as he tries to see where you’re going with this. But when his search comes up empty, he just answers, “29.”

"I don't know who you are at 29. The last time I knew you was 24. No. You hadn't even turned 24 yet. Where was 25? 26? 27? 28? It’s unfair that you still know who I am when I don't know who you are. I feel like I never aged a day past 24. You carried on living but I'm still here."

His eyes well up once again, but this time, you can see it. The first tear spills over, lands somewhere on your collarbone. This is what you used to want, right? To see him hurting, just like how you were hurting? Well, be careful what you wish for.

No part of you feels victorious that you’re making him cry, that the score is finally being settled, because none of this undoes all of the shit you had to go through. If anything, it makes you feel even worse, like you’re still losing.

“I never moved on from us. I couldn’t move on from you,” he says, voice cracking toward the end. Your heart is doing the same thing in your chest, but you’re glad that he can’t see it. “I swear I miss you every day. I wanted you with me every day. You have no idea how much I wanted to come back to you.”

Jungkook looks so dejected, like a reflection of you these past few years. You recognize that look in his eyes. You know that sadness all too well. He was in as much pain as you were.

He loved you when he left you. He still loves you even after all this time. 

You inhale shakily. For the first time, you feel infinitely selfish for only focusing on your own misery without even stopping to give him the benefit of the doubt, to consider the possibility that maybe letting you go wasn’t something he wanted. Maybe he isn’t the antagonist that you spent years making him out to be.

There’s more to it, and you need to know.

“Then why did you leave me?”

Graduation was just shy of a month ago, and two weeks before that was Hoseok’s flight when he left you all behind.

You and Jungkook, along with Taehyung and Jimin had gone to see him off at the airport. Of course you did, you were his best of friends after all. The goodbye was full of jokes accompanied by sniffles, and tears that overflowed without permission because you all agreed that you would hold yourself together for Hoseok. Jimin was probably the one who cried the most, even though inside, you were equally sad to see your friend leave.

A part of your life was ending, and that in and of itself was depressing enough already, but you thought at least the whole group would still be together and start the next chapter by each other’s side.

Nonetheless, it wasn’t the end of the world. All of you could still make it work, even if it wasn’t the most ideal of situations. You promised to keep in touch, promised to message the group chat every day and have video calls every weekend. You were still kids, and kids tend to be optimistic like that.

What none of you could see coming was how everything would fall apart in a matter of mere weeks.

Jungkook thinks that decades from now, when he’s old and gray and helpless, he still won’t be able to forget that day.

He should’ve been more concerned when your mother contacted him out of nowhere, asking him to meet with her, asking him not to let you know where he was going.

He’d shown up half an hour early to the cafe where they were supposed to meet, just because he didn’t want to risk being late and have your mother disapprove of him even more. Not once had she expressed anything other than disdain toward your relationship, but you’d always told him it didn’t matter, that you were the only person who could decide what to do with your life, not anyone else, let alone your mother. He always believed you back then, even if deep down, he still wanted her to see that he was enough for you. Her unattainable approval still mattered to him.

Jungkook spent thirty whole minutes running on nothing but anxiety and caffeine. That was probably his first mistake, ordering a cup of coffee which only made him more nervous than he already was.

When your mother arrived, it barely took her any time at all to get right into what she came here to say. She hadn’t even bothered with a drink.

Was that how it was always going to end? Should he have seen it coming from the beginning? Was he the only one who thought it would be you and him all the way until the very end?

Maybe he was more of a hopeless romantic than he thought.

It was the way she had called him a phase that she hoped you’d grow out of. That she had let you keep this relationship for long enough, but now that you’d graduated - now that you’d be starting a life for yourself - she couldn’t sit back and watch you throw it all away for a boy who could never give you what you deserved.

It was the way she told him she didn’t want history to repeat itself. How she didn’t want to subject you to the same fate that she and your father had to suffer through. How she had left your dad because in the end, he wasn’t enough for her and you, even though you were a child and you deserved to grow up with a father and with love.

She said the same thing would happen to you and Jungkook, because you were meant for greater things and he was not meant to deserve you. She made it clear that he would always hold you back, that he would never amount to even a fraction of what you should receive in life.

“If you love her, you would let her go.”

Cliché, right? Like the kind of stuff you only ever see in movies? Well, movies have to take inspiration from somewhere.

He thought about his own mother then, and about how people could have such different ways of showing love. He believed that your mother loved you, and he still believes that. She wouldn’t have gone through the trouble of seeing him if she didn’t care about you. She wanted the best for you, and that wasn’t him.

She didn’t have to tell him to keep it a secret from you, because he wouldn’t have told you regardless. He was well aware of how strained your relationship with your mother was, and letting you know would only drive it closer to the edge. She knew he wouldn’t tell you. He loved you, and that was the one thing that she could count on.

Just sitting there in that café, Jungkook felt like all of the air had been sucked out of the room, even though he was surrounded by the other patrons and their lively laughter as they chatted away. The pitiful way that your mother kept looking at him forced him to learn what it was like to feel truly worthless.

The pity in her eyes only intensified when he couldn’t even say a single word in response, couldn’t think of anything to defend himself.

Silence meant agreement, and that was what he chose. Jungkook - the naive boy that he was - stopped believing in you. He’d believed her instead.

He was just a kid, what else was he supposed to do? 

She was your own flesh and blood, and he knew nothing could ever replace that. He would rather let you hate him, resent him for the rest of your life, than let you lose your family.

That day, he lied to you for the first time ever, saying he couldn’t come over because he was tired. The sunflowers he bought for you just hours prior ended up dying on his windowsill.

He wouldn’t see you again for a few more days, then for months afterward.

July was supposed to represent a blossoming summer, but all he could remember was the dreadful promise of a winter that would inevitably come.

You call his name when he takes too long to answer. “Tell me.”

“I love you,” he merely says. His hand brushes your cheek.

You frown, despite the way the three words make your chest tingle.

“I love you,” he says it again, trying to ease the furrow between your brows.

“That’s not what I asked.”

“I’m sorry.”

His voice is soft, barely even audible, but it’s this gentleness that makes his words ricochet, ringing in your ears loudly like a gun going off in the quiet of your room.

Again with the apologies.

Fuck this.

It’s hard to take it to heart when you don’t even know what he’s apologizing for.

You gave Jungkook the chance to explain himself, but if he doesn’t take it, then that’s not on you. There isn’t much else that you can do.

You swallow hard, then shove him off of you so you could get out of the bed. Your legs instantly tremble as you attempt to stand, but you soldier on as you put on your bra and underwear, then grab your dress from where it lays abandoned on the floor. You’re shaking, but it’s difficult to determine if it’s because you’re angry, or cold without his warmth nearby.

He’s quick to his feet too, rushing toward you before you could leave.

“Don’t touch me,” you hiss when he reaches for your arm. He doesn’t listen, because when has Jeon Jungkook ever fucking listened?

“Y/N, wait-”

“Wait for what?! I asked you a simple question and you can’t even answer me.”

He runs a hand over his face frustratedly, clearly torn over something. He holds your angered gaze, but the way he looks at you is much milder, gentler even if it’s equally frustrated. “I’m trying to protect you.”

You don’t know if it’s the wrong answer or not. You just know that in this moment, it irritates you to no end.

“Oh my god,” you gasp mockingly. “Someone is trying to kill me.”

“What?”

“Someone is trying to kill me. Someone is waiting outside that door right now, waiting for me to come out so they can kill me. Holy fucking shit, I’m about to be assassinated.”

“Y/N, I’m serious.”

There’s that burning sensation behind your eyes again. “And you think I’m not? What do you mean you’re trying to protect me? Protect me from what? Do you think this is a fucking k-drama? Jesus Christ,” you scoff harshly. “What do you want from me? What the actual fuck do you want?”

Jungkook aims for you again, and in an attempt to ward him off, your swinging fist inadvertently collides with his chest. The dress falls to the floor again, laying next to your feet, that useless piece of fabric.

It probably doesn’t do much damage to him, but he’s a bit startled regardless. So are you, if you’re being honest. But you do it again, and surprisingly, he lets you.

“You coward.” You shove hard at his chest, making him stumble backward. “You unbelievable asshole. You fucked me, you said you loved me, and you still can’t tell me why you left me.” 

He allows you to push him until his back is pressed against the wall. And even then, you don’t relent. Your fists continue beating against his chest as you start sobbing, spilling ‘I hate you’s in between so many expletives it could make his grandmother faint.

He might bruise in the morning.

You hope he bruises in the morning.

The least Jungkook could do is bruise for you.

You want him to curse him out for so many things - for loving you, for leaving you, for not even having the balls to tell you why he broke your heart. For coming back to remind you that you still love him. For proving that he still has you in the palm of his hands, and every twitch of his finger can make you feel like the walls are crumbling down on you.

But even as you tell him how much you hate him, you’re still thinking: Come back. I don’t want to keep losing you. Come back to me.

Because he’s the only person who can hurt you like this. When you think about him, it used to make you so depressed that you could hardly function. There’s no other way to put it to make it sound less pathetic. That’s just how it is.

You shouldn’t have agreed to this weekend, shouldn’t have been nice to him, shouldn’t have let him convince you not to think about it. You shouldn’t have opened the door for him in the first place, because there was always a part of you that knew he could get under your skin so easily just like that.

This wasn’t your second chance at holding onto him. It wasn’t a do-over. It was a re-enactment.

The years haven’t made you wiser, that much is clear.

You don’t know how long this goes on for, but at some point, you begin to wear yourself out. Your movements start to slow and the energy to violently sob leaves your body until you’re nearly collapsing. Jungkook catches you when you don’t have the strength to hold yourself up anymore. Why are you always so fucking helpless?

“You just…” Your voice gets caught at the end of a sob. This is rock bottom all over again. “You make me so sad.”

You grasp his arm weakly, feeling like your own lungs are failing you. You can’t breathe. It’s too much, too infinitely humiliating. He’s doing this to you again, and this time you have to shoulder most of the blame, because you are the one that enabled your own heartbreak for the second time.

You’re still crying, and you hate that this is the first time he’s ever seen you cry like this.

“I’m trying to protect you,” he says firmly, looking at you like he’s trying so hard not to break down alongside you. “Please, I’m so sorry.” The words come out as a whisper now. You can feel the tremble in his voice and the shake of his hands where they hold you. His big bambi eyes - the usual home of constellations - now house tears that threaten to spill onto his supple cheeks. “Please. What can I do to make you believe me?”

It’s those stupid fucking eyes. It’s your stupid fucking self.

“You need to tell me.” Your tears keep on falling no matter how much he tries to wipe them away. “I can’t take it anymore.”

“It’ll make things worse,” he tells you, his voice cracking as he does. He sounds like he means it, and maybe he does believe that whatever he’s hiding from you will only hurt you more. It almost has you caving, but you can’t do this a second time. You’re exhausted, both physically and emotionally. In the morning, you’ll think about how this is all so dramatic, the way you’re acting right now. The most k-drama-esque thing that has ever happened to you. But in the moment, you just feel like someone plunged a knife in your chest, and they keep twisting it, twisting and twisting,...

In the end, you decide that it’s a risk you’ll have to take, because nothing can be more painful than the absolute hell he’s putting you through. He’ll never understand how utterly excruciating it is to experience this kind of heartbreak.

“If you don’t tell me now, I won’t be able to survive you again.”

up next...

our beloved summer (08) ⏤ aka the JK centric chapter

all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted september 30, 2023]

[harmonicakai]

I Bet on Losing Dogs

Pairing: Beomgyu x Reader

Summary: Your insecurities get the best of you and you abandon your relationship with Beomgyu in the worst way possible.

Tropes: friends with benefits, angst, college AU, band AU

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: mentions of sex (mdni), emotional unavailability, slut shaming, no happy ending :-(

A/N: This is SAD because I am currently sad and also I didn’t bother to edit it. Apologies in advance to the Beomgyu biased readers bc I know this is not what anybody asked for </3

“You disappeared Like a faint ghost I bury it in the air What am I to you?” —Ghosting, TXT

You’re a horrible person.

Really, you should’ve broken things off with Beomgyu before they even began. It’s never a good idea to be friends with benefits with somebody you actually like. 

You do your best to distract yourself from confessing your love to him by sleeping with other guys. What started bright and electric between the two of you has fizzled with each encounter, his touch now feeling dull and hollow on your skin.

So, when you wake up next to him after a movie night, your stomach drops when you see the marks he’s left on your neck. Everybody will know what you get up to, if they haven’t already been gossiping about it behind your back.

There’s a numbness to the way you slip out of his apartment without so much as a goodbye. If you had woken him up, he would’ve noticed the sad look on your face and canceled all of his plans to spend the day making you feel better.

You don’t deserve his friendship, let alone his love, although he's only confessed the latter when he thinks you’re asleep and can’t hear him. Or, sometimes Huening Kai will let it slip how much Beomgyu talks about you when they’re away.

The walk home is brutal. You’re even wearing the jacket he’s refused to let you give back to him, knowing that if you had left it behind, he’d surely know something was wrong.

When he notices you’re gone, he shoots you a text about Merriam-Webster’s word of the day. Beomgyu has never cared for linguistics, but he knows you’re a real nerd about this kind of stuff. You decide not to reply.

Things would be much easier if you could just disappear out of his life, but the two of you have become so intertwined that it’s impossible. All of your friends are his friends.

Before him, you were just some quiet girl who shrunk away in the back of the classroom. After getting paired up and reading the poetry you managed to dream up, Beomgyu knew he had to get to know you more.

For most guys, the way he acts with you would come off as desperate. But he’s so earnest in his admiration for you and your talent that there’s simply no way he could possibly be faking it.

The first time you had gotten together was an honest mistake. You had been dumped, again, and he was there for you. It seems like he always is every time another man decides you aren’t worth his time.

It’s not that you don't love him. You do, as much as you’re able to. But you know that if you actually took things to the next level and they didn’t work out, it would break you entirely.

Still, is ghosting him without any sort of reason or explanation any better?

With finals in full swing, you know you’ve got the perfect excuse to be distant for a while. It’s the summertime that you’re worried about. Beomgyu has made sure to include you in every plan of his that he thinks you’d like, sometimes even arranging entire days around you in between his band’s schedules.

Really, the easiest way out is to start dating someone else. It always makes Beomgyu shrink further away from you to know that you will consistently pick someone else over him, although he’s secretly satisfied when things inevitably go sour. He hates knowing that the only thing that drives you into his arms is being rejected by somebody else, but he wants you too much to care.

The two of you talk about everything except how you feel about him, and he knows that he isn’t entitled to any of your emotions. You’ve made it clear from the start that you’re never going to be able to reciprocate in the way that he’d like for you to.

You weren’t always like this. At the start of college, you came in with the idea that you’d fall in love and have your happily ever after. But years of being used for your body and consequently dumped without reason has ripped your heart off your sleeve.

The way Beomgyu worships the ground you walk on makes no sense. You hate yourself. Maybe he just wants something to fix, and once you finally open up to him, he’ll leave you just like everybody else.

The thought makes no sense knowing him, but it’s the driving force in never confessing how you actually feel. So, you offer up yourself physically in the hopes that it’s enough, but it always leaves you feeling empty inside afterward. No amount of kisses or compliments will probably ever change that.

Among his bandmates, you’re closest to Yeonjun. He’s the only one who knows that you love Beomgyu just as much, maybe even more, than he loves you. 

It was revealed through a drunken confession at a frat party the weekend Beomgyu went home for his mom’s birthday, where you immediately got embarrassed and proceeded to go home with the first guy who gave you any sort of attention.

Meaningless sex is really the only way you can get off these days, but the act always leaves you feeling worse than feeling nothing at all with Beomgyu. But if you’re never going to be good enough, pure enough, to truly deserve him, then what’s the harm in another hook up?

You know that every time he finds out you've been with somebody else, you’re breaking his heart. It’s just that there’s so much love from him to go around that it never actually makes a difference in how he treats you. He has the biggest heart you’ve ever seen and you don’t even have the decency to not trample all over it.

You wonder if everybody else also agrees that you’re not good enough for him. They’re so nice whenever you’re around, but you’ve seen men turn into monsters behind your back. For your sake, you try not to think about anybody else's opinion besides Beomgyu’s, but even those thoughts weigh heavy on your shoulders.

After a few days of not returning his texts, he finally musters up the courage to call you. Before you can pick up, your phone sends him to voicemail, and you know that’ll be enough of a sign for him to leave you alone.

It isn’t until you run into him dropping off your poetry final in the writing department’s office that he truly sees what’s become of you.

You haven’t slept properly in days, and you barely eat. Your eyes are constantly puffy from crying all the time, and today is no different. Seeing you like this devastates him.

“Y/N,” he says, his voice shaky and barely above a whisper. He’s got his hand wrapped around your wrist to keep you from running away. His demand for an explanation on where you’ve been and why is stuck inside his throat, and instead, only sobs come out of his mouth.

Beomgyu never cries, and watching as he tries to hide the tears running down his face reminds you that he must be hurting just as much as you are. You want so badly to hold him and apologize, but all you do is stare.

Eventually, he manages to collect himself as much as he can, taking in the irreparable damage you’ve caused one last time.

“Here,” he says, digging in his backpack and handing you a stapled stack of papers. It’s his final project. “I’ll go print another. I want you to read these. Please, promise me you’ll read them.”

You accept the papers, your eyes skimming over the lines of poetry on the first page. It's about you. You flip through the rest of the stack. They're all about you.

It takes everything in you not to start crying too, although you’re so exhausted that you don’t think anything would even come out at this point.

“I promise,” you assure him, although neither of you know if you’re telling the truth.

—————-

Taglist: @orangesodafoam @deezbutz28 @ur-mother-realnotclickbait @iyeeeverydee @internet-folks @darlingz99 @foxyjun @stardustmooncakes @giaalorine @beomgyubabybear @niningtori @goquokka @csbenthusiast @moarmyjkhk @lizdevorak @sooberryworld @lonelybutterflytae @midnight-mochii @theresawtf @nowadays56 @jjklvr9 @baekberrie

P.S.: Please shoot me an ask or a reply if you’d like to be added to (or removed from) the taglist! I struggle to keep up with different lists for individual members, but if you really don't want to be tagged on all of my works, just let me know and I will do my best to make a note <3

[real-total-drama-takes]

Important! PLEASE READ!

Hi everyone!

So, it’s been a while. There’s been a lot of people asking where I’ve been/if I’m okay/when I’ll update the blog again. I’m sorry I left you guys in the dark! My personal life has been crazy busy and I couldn’t find the time to sit down and type up an explanation. I wanted to be thorough, but more than that, I wanted to be accurate about what the future of this blog looks like. So, without further ado, here’s the long awaited update post.

This blog is going to be taking a hiatus. I love the total drama fandom with my whole heart and soul, but there are also a lot of weirdos who turn up in my ask box. It only takes one look at TD reddit and all of the homophobic/transphobic/racist content on there to know what I’m talking about. Not to mention— things got WAY worse with the td2023 season 2 drop. In short, it’s exhausting to deal with. When I first started this blog, it was significantly easier for me to manage the toxicity, but now I work in a position where dealing with bigotry is sort of an important part of my job. It’s become way too draining on me. At least— for the time being.

This hiatus is NOT permanent, and I will come back to tumblr some day. I don’t want to set a specific time frame for fear that just won’t be feasible, but I won’t be gone forever. I’ve seen so much love from this fandom, so I could never abandon it. So many people have sent me well wishes over the past few months, and it has genuinely made me emotional at times. I love you guys so much.

Okay. The last thing I want to say is this. I am going to post the backlog of asks currently sitting in my inbox, so this blog will continue to update. The ask box will be closed, but replies are on for all my posts, so there can be continued conversation. This post will take the place of my current pinned post until I decide to come back to tumblr.

Thank you guys SO much. I am so grateful for (almost) all of you. I love you 🩷

EDIT: I am SO sorry for worrying everyone by not posting for a while. I should’ve hopped on to let everyone know I was at least okay way sooner. I am okay, I’m not dead, and I am really sorry for causing concern.

[kyra45]

Keys guide to scam spotting

Hi! I’m Key/Jess and I’ll be giving you a detailed explanation on how to spot scam accounts with commonly known examples such as what they do or what to look out for. All this information is meant to serve as a post that can be easily understood with information of my own and tips of my own. Any tips I give here is my own and any resemblance to other info is entirely a coincidence. I will make this post as accessible as possible for ease of readability so it is all plain text and no big letters beside the top so it has a title. This is mostly based around pet donation scammers but can be used to spot other scams as well.

—

What is a scam post on tumblr? A scam post is when someone is using information that isn’t their own and claiming they need money but are using a stolen story as theirs. Their situation, while it is real most of the time, is actually from another site and isn’t their situation. Usually a search of it will show any posts but this works best if you used Google or another search engine. However, this process isn’t always reliable. Scam posts are posts that are not truthful and deceive users into donating by having stolen content.

—

There are a few things to keep in mind that will help you figure out if an account contacting you is a scammer and usually, most of the time, you will find it is a legitimate person if you just kindly ask them for verification with any personal details removed. However, some blogs will never reply and may block you or ignore you because they don’t have any interest in proving who they are. It’s not uncommon for these scammers to wave away questions or turn off anon asks or asks off overall so no one can ask them anything. They may even turn off messages to further prevent any concerns being addressed and try to avoid suspicion.

—

One thing to keep in mind is how the account contacting you would have located you. Do you have a popular post that’s breached containment? Did you share a post that may be trending or fandom related? Any of these may lead to someone contacting you an asking you for donations be it through asks or direct messages. If your DMs are closed, the account may send you an ask telling you to message them first because they are desperate and then when contacted they ask you for like a thousand dollars on the spot. If you wonder why I suggest limiting your messages, it’s because people don’t like getting these and will mark it as spam. Scammers also do this to avoid public confrontation. But know not everyone doing this is scamming.

—

Another thing to keep in mind is how the ask was worded that the account sent you. Did it tell you to answer privately because they don’t want anyone calling them a spammer or because they would prefer you to message them instead? This is a very common type of scam ask and one that’s unfortunately extremely easy to get and see if you share trending/popular posts. Most often these are asks related to a sick pet by a blog that is only an hour old or a week old if you check the date of their pinned post. If they detect even the slighted doubt in your reply or question back? They block you.

—

Lastly, it doesn’t hurt to also ask questions to the blog who contacts you and see if they can provide clarification on anything you may be concerned over. This can be showing more images with personal info edited out or explaining any discrepancies in the info they supplied. For example, it could be how the images their using don’t match up with their information or how the story their using doesn’t seem to make sense because it’s not collaborating with any specific details they had already given. It may also be the supporting link they supply doesn’t match up the currency they request because the county doesn’t use the specific kind of currency they claim to need. More so if they don’t give any currency conversion rates. You can also check for backdated posts by turning on timestamps and checking the date of the first post if it’s easy to locate and seeing if it matched the reblog date in ‘other notes’. Some accounts will make posts look older in order to be deceptive and make the account look older then it really is.

—

Additionally, some scams are blogs who connect you saying they can help you but they want to give you a check and ask you to cash it or give them your banking information and phone number. These blogs are never legitimate people wanting to help you if your post has links that lead to ways to send support. Their are legitimate people who would help you that don’t ask for personal information using a blog that has no pfp, no bio, and has no posts. Treat these kind of blank accounts as bots. Report them and block them.

—

In closing, it is necessary to research the information you see in some posts and accounts to make sure it is a legitimate blog and not a scammer trying to make a quick buck. Not every blog you see asking for help is a scam account and generally most of them can easily provide proof their legitimate such as having several close friends, a blog that’s extremely old with tons of posts, or provides plenty of information in their posts that clearly explains their situation and shows the images they use is their own and don’t resort to a temper tantrum when questioned or when concerns are brought up.

If you found this post useful, feel free to share it or add your own tips to it! This is just based around my own personal encounters over the months of compiling information.

[geothewriter]

Vermillion Seas Cardinal Skies: Chapter 23 - Time for Tea

Aang now has to face his friends after performing the death-defying, incredibly dangerous move of saving one of his biggest enemies. Then he learns a bit more about himself and gains an (old) ally. Meanwhile, Zuko and Katara make final preparations for a trip in a southern direction.

---

Good day readers! It's my Birthday! Which makes posting day even better!

That last chapter had quite possibly the most intense scene I've ever written! Oh Aang, why do you gotta be so good? I wonder if there will be long-term consequences for that act.

Now, most importantly, THANK YOU to achillmango for her incredible patience in beta reading/editing my chapters.

Without further adieu, please enjoy a snippet from Chapter 23 - Time for Tea

With shaking hands, Aang stows his glider in the saddle and takes back his seat on Appa’s head. His fingers clench the reins and he can feel his heart pounding relentlessly in his chest. A cacophonous orchestra of drums readying him for what’s to come. The airships haven’t started firing yet, but the men on board look as though they’re waiting for a signal. Then, he's surprised to see them drop their stances. One even nods toward him. He swallows roughly, nods back, and mutters three quiet words to Appa.  Let’s go, buddy.  It was the right thing to do, he tells himself again. He saved Azula. Him. The boy she killed. He could have died. Again. Doomed the rest of the world to fall to the Fire Nation. All because he can’t let go of the idea that he cannot take a life. And he’s going to have to make that impossible choice, for real, and soon. The comet is coming and it isn’t going to wait for him to debate ethics. He cradles his head in his hands and tries to focus on something else - anything else. Sokka’s voice starts softly, but quickly builds in intensity and volume as he speaks. “Aang, I really don’t like swearing around you, but I think this situation calls for it. Just, WHAT THE FUCK  WAS THAT? WHY DID YOU SAVE AZULA?” Not that. “Language Sokka!” Suki scolds. He shakes his head and with a quiver in his voice replies to the older boy. “Not now, Sokka.” He’s still asking himself the same question. Why did he do it? It’s the right thing to do? He can’t handle standing idle anymore? The answer isn’t clear even to him. “Now’s a pretty good time! What could you possibly have been thinking?!” “Sokka–” His voice breaks and he clenches his eyes shut. The world is full of choices we alone must make. His words are caught, struggling between keeping down tears and screaming in anger. Why is everything so difficult? Did he make the right call? Suki’s stern voice interrupts his thoughts and effectively silences the older boy. “Sokka, let it be.” “No.” He forces his voice to sound brave but keeps his gaze forward. “No. No– You all deserve an explanation.”  Keep flying straight, buddy.  He turns to address the grave expressions of his friends. Katara is holding tightly onto Zuko, Sokka is with Suki, and Toph is clinging to her other side. He’s alone up here. Alone. Momo chitters as he climbs into Aang’s lap. At least he’s not totally alone. Their eyes are all on him, waiting for him to speak. “Okay. So. I uh.” A sigh, and a deep breath. “I realized something.” He turns to Katara and Sokka. “Your dad gave me some advice back during the invasion, and I followed it. He told me that I need to do what I need to do, whatever that is. Even if it means making things harder in the short term. And, he said that the world is full of difficult choices that we alone must make. So–” “Dad said that?” Sokka quietly asks. “When?” “When we were flying on Appa toward the battlements. I told him I didn’t know if I could kill Ozai. Sokka, I don’t want to kill anyone. I know it's messed up, but you didn’t grow up the way I did. My people didn’t–”  A biting edge accompanies Katara’s voice as she speaks, “Aang, you didn’t live through what the Fire Nation’s campaign has done to the rest of the world. Not for the past hundred years. You’ve seen what it does now.” Her voice breaks and he can hear the pain in it. “How could you save Azula? She killed you Aang. YOU WEREN’T BREATHING! I spent weeks making sure you could wake up!” 

Continue Reading on AO3!

[sakascal]

3 - 2 - 1 - Chapter 5

I've been playing another ping pong writing game with a friendly writer, @kt-mighty-odd (hopefully this tag works because Tumblr won't complete her name for some reason). After writing chapter 5 - and trying to edit the hell out of that chapter to cut it down in length, it's still too long but I gave up 😅 - I realized I had entirely forgotten to post about it here.

So basically in the ping pong writing game two writers play against/with each other, each writing a chapter. Chapter 1 starts with 100 words, chapter 2 then has 200 and so on and so forth. Theoretically. I'm terrible at staying within the word count, as I've mentioned above. 😁 For further rules and explanations of the game please check here.

So here we go! One more chapter is incoming, likely some time next week, provided by @kt-mighty-odd.

Rated: T

Words: so far at 1,666 for all chapters

Summary: Aziraphale receives some strange mail. And then it all escalates from there quite a bit. 😁

Excerpt from chapter 5

“I’m not the one with the gun,” no-more-brass-knuckles said. “No, obviously between the two of us that would be me,” Aziraphale replied haughtily. “Meant my colleague who’s with your friend.” Crowley would be fine. Surely.

Read chapter 5 on AO3

Or start with chapter 1

Thank you for playing, KT! This was a lot of fun and I can't wait to see how you're going to end this. 💜

If anyone is interested, I have another story starter up on AO3 here.

Also, you can check out the previous game I played with @naturallyteal (A Surprise For Crowley) here.

[anstarwar]

Bonding time for the commanders

Wrote a thing for it on the fly, not edited at all, but was having fun thinking about their dynamic...

"So, um, what's it like in there?" Barriss asked casually, flicking some dirt from her skirts.

Gree, who was lost in his datapad entering some note about a leaf he just discovered, only replied with "hmm?"

This is how their conversations usually went, much to Barriss' frustration. She'd been...commander (weird)...of the 41st for three months now and had gotten no further in breaking through to her fellow commander.

Maybe this is just how it was supposed to work between Jedi and Clones? They had a job to do, she reasoned, so maybe the clones didn't want to be...friends? That didn't feel right to her, but nothing to be done about it.

"Never mind," she cleared her throat, wrapped her robes tighter around her shoulders and went to find Master Luminara.

+++

Two months later...

"Do you want to see, Commander?" Gree asked as he examined the visor of his helmet in his hands. He'd spent the better part of an hour fiddling with the wires, scrubbing the dirt away, and touching up scraped off bits of green paint.

Barriss looked at him, eyebrow arched in question.

"...my bucket...helmet. You asked a few months ago and...well, if you're still curious." He answered, rolling it around in his hands.

"Is it ok?" Barriss replied, hesitant.

Gree wasn't sure how to answer that. Helmets, to the clones, were personal. You didn't share yours with anyone just willy-nilly. They were designed for protecting a very vital part of their body (though Gree was convinced some of his brothers didn't use their noggins as often as they should, so he's not sure how effective they were for those particular troops), and tweaked and customized to each wearer's specifications. They were as close as anything to a prized possession for many of them and "is it OK" wasn't as simple a question as it sounded.

But Gree had also spent a month trying to get to know his little Commander. Well, little wasn't quite the right word. Barriss was fearsome, strong, and wise beyond her years - but she was small, barely coming up to his shoulder. She was too young to see the things they saw on a daily basis, and it pained him to know she also had to live this life. That, like the clones, she wouldn't truly know what it was like to be a kid. It was like a blaster to the gut the day he realized she also didn't have much choice in the matter, and that she was working so hard to hide her own pain and worry.

It hit him one day that maybe she needed reassurance just as much as his own troops. Not from the fighting or the uncertainty of what tomorrow would bring, but from her own self-doubts and insecurities. She was his little sister, his vod'ika. So he'd decided he'd do what he could to reassure her and, he reasoned, that meant breaking down his own walls and getting to know her. To build trust.

"Yeah...yeah its ok, here just..." Gree moved to place it on her head, but paused. "...don't know if it'll fit over your robes there, Commander."

Barriss laughed. "No I suppose not." She scrunched up her nose, an expression Gree observed she'd make when she was coming to a decision.

"What about..." Barriss pushed back her hood and unwrapped the robe from around her shoulders.

"Here," she said, extending it out to Gree with a shy smile.

He took it, holding it in front of him like it was a specimen he found on the underside of a lartie, and not a piece of cloth. He arched his brow at the Padawan.

"You're sharing something important with me, so it's only fair I do the same, yeah?" she said in explanation.

Gree nodded, but wasn't sure what he was supposed to do with it. He shook it out, not sure what he was expecting it to do, but it felt like the best option. It wasn't like he'd never seen or held a cloak before, but this belonged to a Jedi, his Commander. Was there some sort of protocol or etiquette he should be aware of?

Barriss chuckled. "You can put it on and I'll put on your helm-bucket?" She looked into the visor of the helmet as if it would tell her what to call it. "Bucket," she nodded, turned it the proper direction and plopped it on her head.

"Whoa," crackled through the vocoder as things flickered to life on the HUD. Scrolls of data came through, lights blinked here and there --indicating what she wasn't sure. It was a lot and she felt the urge to rip it off of her head to stop the onslaught of information. She thought better of it, though. Gree had trusted her with it and she didn't want to make some egregious error in etiquette or cause offense.

She centered her breathing as her eyes adjusted to the flashes and pings. "Oh my god," her hand flew up, smacking the aerator, unused to the extra bulk around her face.

Giggles erupted from the vocoder. "Commander Gree you, haha, you look...well..." Gree shifted, pulling the hood of the robe over his head while simultaneously flicking the edges of the robe over his pauldrons. He was struck, suddenly, by an urge he hadn't let himself feel since he was a cadet.

Grinning mischievously he stuck his tongue out at the young commander. "I look amazing! I think I might keep this." He flapped the edge of the robe at Barriss.

"I didn't say..." Barriss lifted the helmet and held it propped on the top of her head. She stuck her tongue out as if that would make him give the robe back.

He stuck his tongue out in return.

"Click click." Gree and Barriss' whipped their heads around at the sound.

"Lookin' good commanders!" Captains Styles and Grey stood, barely suppressing their laughter, Styles holding up his datapad, clearly having just snapped a holo of their superior officers.

"You are going to delete that holo right now, Captain!" Gree grumbled, pushing the hood back from his head.

"You are going to send me that holo right now, Captain Styles!" Barriss said as she strode over to the clone, holding out her hand. "Can I see?"

"Sorry Commander, but the Commander outranks you," Styles looked at Gree, eyes twinkling with glee, as he handed the datapad to the Padawan.

"Oh, yup, you're right Commander Gree. You do look amazing!" She beamed as she took in the holo.

Gree sighed, he knew when he was defeated. Pulling the purple hood back over his head he straightened and marched off towards camp.

"Hey! Your bucket, Gree! I need my robe back, hey!" Barriss yelled as she chased after him.

+++

oops this was way longer than I meant. If you made it to the end here, thanks for reading!

[storyofmychoices]

Autumn's Embrace

[Bryce Lahela x Olivia Hadley Masterlist] 

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x Olivia Hadley (F!OC) Book: Open Heart Word Count: ~550 Rating/Warnings: general, no warnings

Synopsis: Bryce and Olivia find magic in the small moments of autumn.

The warmth of summer slowly fell away, giving rise to cool nights that birthed crisp mornings. The kind of mornings you wanted to stay in your coziest pajamas, make a cup of your favorite hot tea, and sit beneath the warm sun streaming through the picture window. Bonus points if that also included being snuggled in the arms of one Bryce Lahela. Unfortunately, that outlook wasn't what the day's forecast had called for either of them.

"Are you ready?"

His familiar voice pulled her from her thoughts as he opened the car door for her. Her head turned toward the driver's seat and then back to Bryce at the door beside her. Olivia had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed they had already arrived at the hospital. But such was the magic of autumn. Even when you couldn't enjoy it to the fullest, its promise of cozy comforts was enough to make anyone smile and lose track of time.

"Thanks," she pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Always such a gentleman."

He laced his fingers with hers as they walked through the parking lot.

Dried, crinkly leaves scraped across the pavement, pulled by the cool breeze. She inhaled the refreshing scent of the air, that crisp scent that even the city couldn't hide. A slow smile drew on her lips, marveling at the golden leaf that had floated down in their path. It was followed by another, equally as vibrant. These beauties were most certainly from the sugar maple by the outpatient entrance. "We're still early, right?"

"Yeah," he replied after glancing at his watch. "What are you thinking?"

Her brows wagged playfully as an impossible smile danced on her lips. "Follow me." With no further warning or explanation, she pulled him forward along the perimeter of the hospital complex.

The leaves of the large tree adorning the small grassy area of respite burned brilliantly beneath the morning sun, its fallen colorful leaves creating the beginning of a mosaic on the ground beneath.

A giggle slipped from her lips as she rushed forward, dropping his hand as she kicked her feet softly through the leaves already on the ground. She spun blissfully, happy to have a moment of simple seasonal joy even in the city.

Stopping abruptly, she extended her arm toward him. "May I have this dance?"

It had been a couple of years since the first time they had danced together outside the hospital. So much had changed. They had been interns then and it was raining. Now, they were residents beneath a perfectly blue sky. Yet, this—them—that would never change.

"Always, Liv." Bryce pulled her close, guiding her through the steps to a song only the two of them could hear. It was a song they knew well. Their song. The one that their love wrote for them, one filled with hope and promise—and maybe, even a little magic, the same elements that made up the perfect autumn morning.

As they danced and twirled, their feet glided across the damp leaves on the ground, shimmering with the morning's dew. A slow flurry of orange, red, and gold drifted down from overhead as a gust of wind guided the leaves from the safety of their branches off into the day with the promise of their next adventure, much like that of the couple embracing beneath autumn's magical glow.

A/N #1: Thank you for reading. All interactions are appreciated. It truly means the world to me that you took time out to read this fluffy little story.

#2: This isn't edited or revised beyond spelling and punctuation. I really want to try to find the joy in writing again to fight writer's block and stop over thinking everything. So I'm going to share first drafts for a bit.

[depressedhouseplant]

🔞 Mission Mistletoe 🔞

Synopsis: The 5 times Juyeon gets kissed under the mistletoe & the one time Eric is the one to do it

Tags: None

A/N: This fic was actually supposed to be a fest contribution but I was told it was too explicit & given the choice to either edit it or drop out. I dropped out. I hope you like this one I’m actually really proud of it.

“Kevin, why are you hanging sage in all the doorways?” Juyeon asked.

“It’s not sage you heathen, it's mistletoe,” Kevin replied. Eric froze.

“Mistle-what?” Juyeon asked in the tone he usually reserved for variety shows.

“Mistletoe,” Kevin repeated, not offering any further explanation.

“But what’s it for?” Juyeon asked. Eric dared to peek out of his room. His broad shouldered bandmate and crush was staring up at one of the bundles hanging from the doorframe.

“You’ll see,” Kevin replied as they heard the loud distinctive knock on the main door to their dorm. Eric crept out of his room and saw Kevin let Jaehyun in.

”Everyone can relax now, I’m here,” Jaehyun announced.

”Can you hold this?” Kevin handed him the bundle of mistletoe.

”Uh, sure,” Jaehyun took it.

”No, hold it above your head,” Kevin instructed. Jaehyun did as he was told and Kevin pulled Jaehyun into him and kissed him. Eric watched in confusion and slight horror as Kevin began full on making out with Jaehyun with no objections from the latter. Then Kevin’s eyes were on him. The two stared at each other as Kevin finally pulled away and looked at Juyeon.

”That,” he said. “Is what mistletoe is for.”

”Wow, Kev, I never knew you felt that way,” Jaehyun cackled.

”Don’t get your hopes up. It was for demonstration purposes only,” Kevin rolled his eyes.

“So you kiss someone if you’re both under it?” Juyeon asked.

”Yup,” Kevin confirmed as he took back the bundle of mistletoe in Jaehyun’s hands and hung it over the front door.

Eric quickly ran back into his room and locked the door. This could not be happening. Kevin wasn’t doing this to him. Kevin was absolutely not setting him up to kiss Juyeon. How did he even know? What even was his life at this very moment in time?

Then he heard a knock and the knob turn.

”Eric?” He heard Juyeon’s voice. “Why is your door locked?”

Eric scrambled to let the older boy in.

”It was locked? I must have accidentally hit it or something,” he lied. Juyeon looked unconvinced, but walked into his room anyway. Eric realized he hadn’t checked to see if there was any mistletoe over his door. Blessedly, there wasn’t.

Juyeon took off his shirt and tossed it on the floor.

”What are you doing?” Eric asked.

”It’s after dinner, our regular cuddle time,” Juyeon said. “Though I was slowed down by Kevin kissing Jaehyun and putting something called mistletoe all over the dorm. Is that a thing in the States, too?”

”Yeah, it’s a thing. I never really did it though because my mom thought it was too mature or something,” Eric replied. It wasn’t a lie. He’d never gotten caught under the mistletoe with someone because there was never any mistletoe to get caught under in the first place.

“Why do you still have your clothes on?” Juyeon asked, now standing in front of Eric’s bed fully naked.

”Oh, right, sorry,” Eric scrambled to undress. This was normal for them. They’d cuddle after dinner and play around on their phones. They just happened to be naked. It didn’t mean anything, though. Juyeon said he liked the skin to skin contact and it helped him relax at the end of the day. What was Eric going to do? Say no? It wasn’t like they actually did anything. Just a couple of bros cuddling naked after a long day. Eric skated over the fact Juyeon’s cock ended up on his ass more often than not.

”You okay?” Juyeon asked when he settled behind Eric.

”I’m fine, why?” Eric knew he didn’t sound convincing.

”I dunno, you just seem a little jumpy. It’s not like you had to see Kevin make out with Jaehyun instead of just telling me you’re supposed to kiss under mistletoe,” Juyeon shivered a little.

”They full on made out?” Eric asked.

”There was definitely tongue involved,” Juyeon confirmed. Of course Eric knew. He was still trying to decipher why Kevin was staring at him when you’re supposed to keep your eyes closed when you kiss someone. Right?

”Gross,” Eric said. Of course, neither Kevin nor Jaehyun shied away from their sexual orientation. Kevin practically had ”vers” tattooed on his forehead and Jaehyun would do the most homosexual things at the most inappropriate times. Eric, on the other hand, hadn’t done anything with a guy. Which made the whole mistletoe thing extremely problematic.

”Definitely,” Juyeon buried his face in the crook of Eric’s neck. If Eric wasn’t such a complete coward, he’d roll over and kiss Juyeon right now. But what if Juyeon wasn’t interested in him like that? Then Eric might just crawl in a hole and die.

”Stop thinking,” Juyeon muttered into Eric’s neck.

”Huh?” Eric asked.

”You’re overthinking something. Wanna talk about it?” Juyeon asked.

”No, it’s nothing. Just Kevin and Jaehyun,” Eric lied again.

”You definitely don’t need to be thinking about that,” Juyeon told him.

”You’re right,” Eric agreed. He picked up his phone and began scrolling again, trying to take his mind off mistletoe, kissing, and the massive crush he had on the naked man lying behind him.

The next morning Eric woke up in bed alone. Again, this was normal. Juyeon went back to his own room after Eric fell asleep. This was the first morning, however, that Eric felt bad about it. It was the first morning Eric wished Juyeon was still cuddled up next to him. He sighed and got out of bed, showered, and went to the kitchen to find something for breakfast.

Juyeon and Jacob exited their rooms at almost exactly the same time. Jacob had his post 3am League gaming session hair and Juyeon was only in basketball shorts headed for the shower. Eric watched as they almost literally bumped into each other in the hall. Right under one of Kevin’s well placed mistletoe bundles.

”Oh! Mistletoe!” Jacob grinned when he noticed. Jacob pecked Juyeon on the cheek. “Merry Christmas!”

Juyeon rubbed his cheek where Jacob kissed him with a look of confusion on his face.

”Merry Christmas?” He replied hesitantly.

”Did Eric do this?” Jacob asked.

”Nope, all me,” Kevin said as he came out of his room.

”Were you looking for a Christmas kiss?” Jacob asked.

”Not exactly,” Kevin replied.

”Have one anyway,” Jacob kissed Kevin on the lips.

”Ew,” Eric said from the kitchen.

”You’re just jealous because no one wants to kiss you,” Kevin retorted.

“Am not,” Eric grumbled. He looked at Juyeon who was already staring at him.

”I’m gonna shower,” he said, still not looking away from Eric.

”Stop eye fucking him and go,” Kevin playfully pushed Juyeon’s shoulder. Juyeon hid his face in his towel as he speed walked to the bathroom. Eric tried not to choke on his food.

”Ramen for breakfast? You’ve got to work on your eating habits,” Jacob said as he sat down across from Eric.

”I’m sure there’s something else he’d rather eat for breakfast,” Kevin smirked as he made his coffee.

”Oh my god, shut up. First the mistletoe and now innuendos?” Eric glared.

”Huh?” Jacob looked between them.

”I’m trying to do something about Eric’s raging crush on Juyeon since he refuses to even though they spend far too much time naked in Eric’s bed for just friends,” Kevin replied.

”You know?” Eric stared.

”Of course I know. Anyone who has eyes knows, except for Jacob but we know he only has eyes for me,” Kevin grinned and kissed Jacob again. Eric gagged again.

”Stop being so dramatic, I’m trying to help you,” Kevin insisted.

”Keep your voice down, he might hear you,” Eric hissed.

”Which would be a blessing to all of us if he does,” Kevin added.

”My eyes had to see you making out with Jaehyun,” Eric added spitefully.

”You made out with Jaehyun?” Jacob asked.

”Only to show Juyeon what mistletoe is for,” Kevin replied, Eric’s attempt at shaming him failing desperately.

”Is he a good kisser?” Jacob asked.

”Decent, but I wouldn’t mind getting caught under the mistletoe with him again,” Kevin said. Jacob sat in thought for a moment then reached for a sip of Kevin’s coffee.

”Maybe I’ll catch him on our next League night,” he shrugged. Eric couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Not that Kevin and Jacob had ever been super exclusive and Eric knew for a fact Kevin fucked around periodically, hearing Jacob consider out loud kissing Jaehyun made him slightly nauseous.

”You’re gross,” he said.

”You’re just jealous that we’re liberated enough to kiss people,” Kevin eyed him over the rim of his coffee mug.

”Am not,” Eric huffed.

”You’re not what?” Juyeon asked, entering the kitchen fully clothed and showered.

”Jealous that I kissed Jaehyun,” Kevin said.

”Who would be jealous over kissing Jaehyun?” Juyeon raised an eyebrow.

”You’ve never wondered what it would be like to kiss another member?” Jacob asked.

”No, I haven’t,” Juyeon replied, the tips of his ears turning slightly pink. It was one of his tells. Why would he lie about something like that Eric wondered.

”Of course with all this mistletoe around, you might find out,” Kevin grinned.

”Maybe,” Juyeon said noncommittally.

Eric resolved right then to be at least one room away from Juyeon until Kevin decided to take the offending greenery down.

“So who do I get to kiss today?” Jaehyun announced as he entered their dorm for his, Jacob’s, and Sunwoo’s League night.

”Not me!” Eric insisted loudly from the couch.

”Loser,” Jaehyun stuck his tongue out. As Jaehyun walked toward Jacob’s room, Juyeon came out of the bathroom.

“Perfect!” Jaehyun grinned.

”What?” Juyeon asked. Jaehyun pointed above them. Mistletoe dangled above their heads.

”Serio-,” Juyeon was cut off by Jaehyun kissing him. Eric watched as Jaehyun slipped his tongue into Juyeon’s mouth. Juyeon’s eyes flew open, but he didn’t pull away like Eric expected. Instead he kept kissing Jaehyun until Jaehyun broke the kiss.

“You’re not a half bad kisser,” Jaehyun smirked.

”You need to use less tongue,” Juyeon glared, but Eric didn’t miss the subtle adjustment he made with his hips.

”You keep telling yourself that,” Jaehyun teased and walked into Jacob’s room.

”Can I sit?” Juyeon looked down at Eric.

”What? Of course, why would you ask?” Eric replied, scooting over.

”Because you’ve been avoiding me,” Juyeon said.

”Avoiding you?” Eric repeated, trying to play dumb.

”I think this is the first time we’ve been in the same room in two days,” Juyeon replied. “Are you mad? Have I done something?”

”No, I’m not mad,” Eric shook his head.

“I was hoping maybe we could spend some time in your room tonight. Like we usually do,” Juyeon said.

“Oh, um, sure. Let me just tidy up a few things first,” Eric got up. “Five minutes.”

“You’re being really weird. Are you sure nothing is wrong?” Juyeon asked again.

“Did you like kissing Jaehyun?” Eric blurted out.

“What? No,” Juyeon insisted.

“Really because I saw you had to adjust yourself when you were done,” Eric said.

“Okay, maybe I got a semi but that’s a normal biological reaction when someone has their tongue in your mouth,” Juyeon sighed.

“You never get hard in bed with me,” Eric pointed out. He was afraid of Juyeon’s reply.

“That’s different. We aren’t making out or fooling around. We’re just cuddling,” he said. I’m not into you like that, Eric's brain added.

“You know what, no. I don’t want to cuddle with you tonight,” the words were out of Eric’s mouth before he could stop them. Juyeon looked like Eric slapped him.

“What?” He asked.

“You heard me,” Eric huffed and stalked off, leaving a stunned Juyeon in his wake.

A few minutes after slamming his door and locking it, Eric heard a knock.

“Go away, Juyeon!”

“It’s not Juyeon,” Kevin’s voice came from the other side.

“What do you want?” Eric asked when he opened the door.

“Can I come in?” Kevin asked. Eric chewed on his lower lip before stepping to the side and letting Kevin in.

“I heard you yell at Juyeon,” he said as he sat in Eric’s desk chair.

“I wasn’t yelling,” Eric refuted.

“Regardless, I heard what you said. I think you’re reading too much into the situation. Sometimes you can’t control your body’s reactions. Maybe Juyeon is trying to be respectful when he’s with you. Maybe he doesn’t want you to feel pressured into something you’re not ready for or don’t want,” Kevin told him.

“Of course the one fucking half the group would say something like that,” Eric grumbled.

“Last time I checked, 3 isn’t half of 11. I’m just trying to offer a little insight. I know how you feel about Juyeon and I think if you actually talked to him, you might find out he feels the same way,” Kevin sighed.

“I don’t want your ‘insight’ or you flaunting the fact you get ass regularly. I’m not interested,” Eric snapped, hugging a pillow to his chest.

“Alright, fine. Think about talking to him, though. That’s really all I ask,” Kevin got up and let himself out. Eric flopped onto his side, still hugging the pillow - Juyeon’s pillow - long into the night.

Word quickly got around that the English Dorm (plus Juyeon) was open season for kissing. Some members actively avoided going there, others embraced the idea, and a few totally forgot.

Eric hadn’t spoken to Kevin or Juyeon after the fight and the tension in the dorm was palpable.

“What’s up?” Jacob flopped down on the couch next to Eric.

“Nothing,” Eric grumbled and pulled his hoodie on tighter.

“I don’t think it’s nothing,” Jacob ruffled his hair.

“I don’t feel well,” Eric lied. Before Jacob could reply the front door opened and Younghoon entered. He smiled and waved at the two before heading back to Kevin’s room. On the way he passed Juyeon coming to the kitchen.

“Uh oh,” Jacob said.

“What?” Younghoon asked. Jacob pointed above their heads to the sprig of mistletoe.

“Gotta kiss,” he said.

“Wait, for real?” Younghoon looked at Jacob then back at Juyeon. Juyeon sighed.

“Yeah,” he said. Younghoon quickly pecked Juyeon on the lips, squealed, and ran into Kevin’s room.

“Fuck this shit,” Juyeon grumbled as he grabbed a drink from the fridge and went back to his room.

“How do you do it?” Eric asked.

“Do what?” Jacob replied, resting Eric’s head on his shoulder.

“Know that Kevin and Younghoon are fucking right now,” Eric continued.

“Like don’t get jealous?” Jacob prompted.

“Yeah, I guess,” Eric shrugged.

“I mean, Kevin and I were never exclusive. He’s always made it clear I’m free to pursue someone if I’m interested in them just like he has. Fact is, I’m content with him. I haven’t really thought about hooking up with someone else,” Jacob replied.

“What if you wanted to be exclusive?” Eric asked.

“I’d tell him that’s what I wanted,” Jacob said.

“Just like that? You’d just tell him?” Eric picked his head up.

“Well yeah, how else is he supposed to know what I want?” Jacob laughed a little.

“Can you, like, not get hard when you’re with him?” Eric decided to keep going even if there weren’t enough kitten videos on the internet to scrub that mental image.

“If we’re just hanging out I don’t get hard. Why?” Jacob studied Eric’s face.

“It’s stupid,” Eric hid his face in his hands.

“If it’s upsetting you then it’s not stupid,” Jacob insisted, helping Eric off the couch, and leading them to his room. Jacob cuddled up behind the youngest member and hooked his chin on Eric’s shoulder.

“I really like Juyeon. Like really, really like him,” Eric said.

“And?” Jacob probed.

“I’m afraid I fucked up. He got a little hard when Jaehyun kissed him, but he’s never gotten hard around me and we’re naked,” Eric sighed. “I’m afraid he doesn’t see me as anything more than a platonic naked cuddle buddy.”

“I’m going to guess that you’ve never told him how you feel,” Jacob said. Eric shook his head. “You gotta shoot your shot. It can be scary, but I think you’ll be surprised. In a good way.”

“Do you think he likes me? Like likes me?” Eric asked.

“I do,” Jacob confirmed.

“Okay,” Eric wasn’t sure what he was agreeing to. They heard the door to Kevin’s room open and voices in the hall.

“I can’t believe Jacob made me kiss Juyeon,” Younghoon said.

“Technically I don’t think he made you do it,” Kevin replied.

“But the mistlefoot,” Younghoon said.

“Mistletoe,” Kevin corrected with a snort.

“Whatever, he said we had to kiss under it,” Younghoon said.

“And the two people who really need to kiss under it haven’t been in the same room for almost a week,” Kevin added, his voice fading as they went down the hall. Eric felt a tear roll down his cheek.

“It’s okay, little one. He’s just venting. I’ve known him long enough to know,” Jacob gave him a squeeze.

“He’s right,” Eric sniffed.

“Then talk to Juyeon. Tell him how you feel,” Jacob said.

“Not today,” Eric sighed.

“Okay, but soon?” Jacob asked.

“Soon,” Eric lied.

League Night was rapidly becoming Eric and Juyeon’s least favorite night of the week. Juyeon was spending more time in his room than ever to avoid getting kissed and Eric was spending more time in public spaces because lying in bed without Juyeon felt wrong.

Jaehyun and Sunwoo arrived and didn’t even acknowledge Eric on the couch. Fine by him. He definitely didn’t want to talk to Jaehyun. Sunwoo hadn’t done anything, but Eric knew it was only a matter of time before he kissed Juyeon too. The whole group would kiss Juyeon before he did, Eric reasoned.

Juyeon emerged from his room only to bump straight into Sunwoo. Juyeon looked up, looked back at Sunwoo, and to Eric’s shock and horror, Juyeon kissed Sunwoo. He held the younger boy’s cheeks in his hands as he kissed him. Sunwoo’s eyes went wide with shock and he jerked backwards.

“What was that?” he demanded.

“Mistletoe,” Juyeon pointed up. “Merry Christmas.”

“Holy shit, dude. Not cool,” Sunwoo wiped his mouth and practically ran into Jacob’s room. Juyeon looked at Eric then froze. He clearly hadn’t expected him to be sitting there. Before Eric could say anything, Juyeon disappeared down the hall. Eric sat back. Kevin would know what to do. He always did.

As he raised his hand to knock on Kevin’s door, he heard a familiar deep voice inside.

“I’ve lost it. I’ve totally fucking lost it,” Juyeon said.

“It’s called sexual frustration. Welcome to the struggle,” Kevin replied.

“But I’ve never even done anything sexual with Eric,” Juyeon told him.

“No, but you’re obviously into him and not having your naked time with him is affecting you,” Kevin said.

“I’m not obviously into him. Am I?” Juyeon asked.

“I see it, Jacob sees it, I’m pretty sure the only people who don’t see it are you two,” Kevin replied.

“Eric likes me too?” Juyeon asked. Eric held his breath waiting for Kevin’s answer.

“Why do you think he got so upset when you got a mini hardon over some tongue from Jaehyun? Of course he likes you. I told him to talk to you about it but of course he ignored me. I’m gonna tell you the same thing. Talk to him. He likes you. He’s miserable without spending time with you,” Kevin said.

“And you’re sure?” Juyeon questioned.

“I’m absolutely certain,” Kevin replied.

“But he won’t even look at me. He saw me kiss Sunwoo so he probably thinks I really don’t like him,” Juyeon sighed.

“You won’t know until you say something and I think it’s gonna take more than kissing someone else under mistletoe to change how he feels about you,” Kevin said. He was right. Eric never expected to see Juyeon kiss anyone else, but he still cared about him. He still wanted to be the one Juyeon was kissing. He wanted to be the one Juyeon did everything with. Eric backed away from Kevin’s door and back into the living room. Juyeon liked him too. Juyeon was panicking too. Now what?

Eric’s spiral was interrupted by Kevin’s door opening and Kevin and Juyeon coming down the hall. Kevin grabbed Juyeon’s elbow to stop him. He gave the other a questioning look, then realized where they were standing.

”Seriously?” Juyeon whined. Kevin grinned and kissed Juyeon’s hand.

”If you want a real kiss, I think you need to ask someone else,” Kevin told him, looking over at Eric.

”Me?” Eric pointed to himself.

”I don’t see anyone else in here,” Kevin said.

“Okay,” Eric swallowed hard and walked over to where Kevin and Juyeon were standing under the mistletoe. Kevin moved so Eric could stand in front of Juyeon.

”So…umm…” Eric started. Juyeon stepped forward and tilted his head down to press their lips together. Was Juyeon always this tall? He slid his hand on the back of Eric’s head, idly playing with the hair at the nape of his neck as they kissed. This was nice. This was very nice. Eric eagerly opened his mouth to let Juyeon’s tongue in. His hands found their way to Juyeon’s biceps. Were these always this solid? Juyeon’s free hand came to rest on Eric’s waist.

“Fucking finally!” Kevin’s voice surprised them apart. “Now go make me an uncle.”

He shoved them both in the direction of Eric’s room before Eric could ask what he was talking about. Juyeon was smiling for the first time in over a week as they closed the door to Eric’s room.

”You know,” he started. “I got fully hard kissing you.”

Eric felt his whole body blush.

”Really?” He asked.

”Mmhmm,” Juyeon confirmed, placing Eric’s hand on his cock. He was definitely hard.

”Do you, uh, do you want to do something about that?” Eric asked.

”I’d love to do something about it, but only if you’re comfortable,” Juyeon wrapped his arms around Eric’s waist and kissed him again.

”Maybe not all the way, but you can use my mouth if you want,” Eric couldn’t believe he’d actually said that out loud. He was telling Lee Juyeon that he was okay with him fucking his mouth. Lee Juyeon who he’d had a raging crush on for years if he chose to examine his feelings a little too closely. Lee Juyeon who he might be a little bit in love with.

”I will of course return the favor,” Juyeon said, kissing Eric’s jaw.

”Of course,” Eric nodded, his cock hard enough to cut diamonds by this point. Their clothes seemed to come off on their own and Eric was on his knees waiting for Juyeon to slide his massive dick into his mouth.

“Just tap my leg if I get too rough,” Juyeon told him. Eric nodded. They all knew he was the least experienced in the group, but Eric trusted Juyeon. He wanted this. They both wanted this. Eric opened his mouth and Juyeon fed his cock into his mouth. Eric would be lying if he said he hadn’t imagined what this would be like once or twice. The weight of Juyeon’s dick on his tongue and the slightly salty taste from the precome shocked Eric’s senses. In a sexy way.

“Fuck,” Juyeon groaned. He weaved his fingers in Eric’s hair and began slowly thrusting in his mouth. Eric tried to focus on keeping his jaw loose. Of course the first guy he’d ever have in his mouth was huge. Juyeon was careful not to go too deep even if Eric’s gag reflex was iffy at best.

”Your mouth feels so good,” Juyeon grunted as he moved his hips faster. Eric relaxed his jaw even more to allow Juyeon more space to move. “I’ve thought about this more than I should.”

That makes two of us, Eric thought. Eric let himself get lost in the feeling of Juyeon in his mouth until he suddenly stopped.

”Pull off, baby,” he panted.

”Why?” Eric asked.

”Don’t want to come in your mouth the first time,” Juyeon breathed.

”You can come on my face,” Eric replied. Every dirty fantasy he’d ever had was released in that moment.

”Are you sure?” Juyeon asked.

”Please,” Eric tried not to sound desperate, but he suspected that he failed.

”Okay,” Juyeon nodded. He gripped his cock and with only a few strokes, the first spurt of come landed on Eric’s cheek. He closed his eyes and felt Juyeon’s dick continue to empty onto his face. Eric liked it more than he thought he would. He felt owned. He was Juyeon’s.

”Shit, fuck,” Juyeon collapsed on the bed. Eric grabbed a towel off the floor from his shower that morning and wiped his face off before crawling in bed next to Juyeon.

”Good?” He asked.

”Better than I ever imagined and I imagined it a lot,” Juyeon admitted.

”Perfect,” Eric kissed him.

”Now you,” Juyeon said against his lips.

”You don’t have to,” Eric insisted.

”No, I want to. I want to make you feel as good as you made me feel,” Juyeon told him. “Where’s your lube?”

Eric pointed to the top drawer of the bedside table.

“Lie back,” Juyeon instructed as he retrieved the bottle and poured some on his fingers. Eric did as he was told and let his legs fall open. His cock was practically standing off his body as he waited.

”I’ll go slow, I promise,” Juyeon said.

”I have fingered myself before,” Eric replied.

”I think my fingers are a little bigger than yours,” Juyeon pointed out the obvious.

”Fine,” Eric sighed. Juyeon laughed.

”Impatient are we?” He asked as he lay down next to Eric. He carefully slid one finger to the second knuckle. “Good so far?”

”Yeah,” Eric nodded.

”Good,” Juyeon grinned and pushed all the way in, grazing Eric’s prostate in the process.

”Holy fuck,” Eric almost arched completely off the bed.

”Better than when you do it?” Juyeon asked, not hiding his smirk very well.

”Much,” Eric gasped. “Add another one.”

”Okay,” Juyeon replied and added a second finger, gently teasing the younger boy’s prostate.

”I’m gonna come in like 2 seconds if you keep that up,” Eric gasped.

”Perfect,” Juyeon kissed him. “Think you can take one more?”

”Sure,” Eric nodded. He felt a stretch with the third finger as Juyeon rubbed his walls, focusing on his most sensitive spots. Eric had to bite a pillow to muffle his moans and cries as Juyeon worked him closer to release. His orgasm ripped through him, come landing all over his hips and chest. Juyeon didn’t let up until he was satisfied that Eric was completely spent. He slowly removed his fingers and kissed Eric’s temple.

”Better than you imagined?” He asked.

”I’m gonna die when I finally take your cock,” Eric panted. Juyeon laughed.

”Hopefully not,” he smiled.

“I’d die happy,” Eric smiled back.

”I’d rather you not die at all,” Juyeon said.

”I love you,” Eric couldn’t stop the words from spilling out.

”I love you too,” Juyeon replied, taking Eric into his arms and kissing him well into the night.

[limepigeon]

Fallen Hero Fanzine 2024 - Info and Theme Poll

All info is under the cut since I don't want to clutter your dash too much! EDIT: Tumblr hates multiple choices for Polls apparently, you can vote but also write in replies (or send anonymous through dm, but please don't send multiple of the same option to get what you want, let's keep it fair!) if you want to vote for more than one option! (Sorry for the inconvenience!)

Hi everyone!

Since I got the feedback on the interest check for a possible Fallen Hero Fanzine it seems like we have some interest and I’ve been looking into various ways we could do this. As I’m big on collaboration and everyone getting a say, I was thinking that deciding on a theme for the zine could be our first collaborative step.

I’ve made a poll (found further down in this post) with 7 options for you to vote on. Descriptions/explanations are found right below the poll so make sure to read those before casting your vote. We’re keeping this first zine sfw, please keep that in mind if suggesting themes of your own. Voting doesn’t tie you to contributing to the zine.

Jumping into something headfirst without knowing what you’ll find on the other side is scary, that’s why I’ve written a short list of what I have in mind for this zine.

The zine will be 100% free and non-profit, this also means no compensation for the contributors. Theme: TBD through majority vote Number of contributors: Max 30 (I would love to have more but, unless someone can help me with admin stuff, I think that’s my limit for how much organising and planning I can do on my own). Rating: SFW. Innuendos, cursing, violence and the like is okay but not straight up sex. Format: Digital/e-zine, with permission to print at home for personal use only. I will put together a bonus version made for easy to print at home, with instructions for how to assemble it. Media types allowed: Any visual media suited for print as long as it’s your own (e.g. illustrations, sketches, photography, collages, short comics, cosplay etc). Keep in mind that if you make a collage or mood board, all pictures must be your own (or have the rights to). Any writing as long as it’s your own (e.g. short stories, poetry, analyses, personal anecdotes etc). Pages in zine per contributor: 2. Time frame and deadlines: TBD but I plan on us having it finished around September/October of 2024, with some reservations.

I hope this has been informative so far, if you have questions you can either reply to this post (so everyone else can see the question and reply), or dm me if you want to be anonymous.

Now, let’s get to voting on a theme! Descriptions for themes under the poll.

Nemesis - More action focused, showdowns, heroes and villains battling it out in their suits! Some softer moments could fit in here as well but if too many opt towards it I might steer some of the submissions to make sure the zine in whole stays on theme. Coming Home - New beginnings, finding your place. It could be sweet and cozy, finding friends, or stepping into your own skin for the first time. Interpret as you like, but the main focus should be on the concept of “home”, whatever that means to you or the characters you choose to portray. Los Diablos - Snippets and snapshots from the city and lives you are sworn to protect or destroy. HG’s lair, Herald’s apartment, or a sewer (sorry, secret base), as well as the people found in these places. Nightmares - The bad vibes (tm) one. The Heartbreak Incident, decanting, paranoia, all the nasty bits you don’t want people to find. This one is open to more possible body horror than the other themes. Ship specific - Pick this one if you want a more romance focused theme, and specify in replies which characters you’d want in centre. Please write Ship Theme before the characters in your reply. I have another idea! - Got an idea for a theme that isn’t in the poll? Pick this one and specify in replies what it is! Please specify even if someone has the same idea, or close to, as you. Please write Theme Suggestion before the theme in your reply. No theme - Don’t feel like sticking to a theme? Want to create an amalgamation of everyone’s mind stuff without any limits or guidelines? This choice is for you.

[shadowfoxsilver]

Donation scams

What is a donation scam? - This kind of scam occurs when someone is asking for money but isn’t being genuine/honest for why they need it and upon closer inspection you’ll often find out their fundraiser information is stolen from someone else who needs support. For example, the text itself would pull up someone else’s fundraiser that’s posted on another site such as Facebook or Gofundme with names that don’t match up or certain details edited out or added from something else entirely. In a sense, the post doesn’t make much sense or seems to be mashed together from other places. These are scams because money given to them isn’t going towards their goal and also not going to the one who needs it.

Was there an ask sent? - Asks for these scams are varied with no common theme but they usually seem poorly worded and link you to their post which may be pinned. Usually they’ll be sent immediately after following you with no prior interaction even when they call you their friend. Sometimes they’ll say they see you share mutual aid posts too but that’s generally just some excuse they’ll use so you won’t be too suspicious of them. Legit people be warned: Spamming these asks will get people suspicious of you and asking you questions instead. If someone tells you to please limit them, it’s advised you try to. Don’t send these asks to anyone who has stated they don’t like them.

Is the account new? - Another common thing to check is the posting date of the posts on the blog. An account with a massive amount of posts dating across many years is generally a legitimate person if they have several original posts and overall appear to be a person. Unfortunately, scammers tend to backdate posts to make their blogs look older then they may be but rarely have that many original posts. By turning on timestamps, you can see the original posting date in other notes if they have shared posts. Usually the backdated posts are only a few days old but have been made to look years old.

Does the story make sense? - Basically, how well does the story they give sound and does the information it has seem reasonable. Is there anything in it that seems too far fetched to be applicable to a situation? Such as stating they need money for someone’s funeral but the images they supply seem to be photoshopped. Or they have their name on a paper but there seems to be a filter over it which may be obscuring minor details from the original unedited image. You may notice the story also doesn’t give much information out that would be anything important like if a law applies to their situation but they don’t supply a general idea of what country their in. Sometimes the story changes after a few days too.

What else should you do? - If you still can’t figure out if someone’s legitimate, then you may try to nicely ask them questions related to their situation. These questions don’t have to be anything needing personal information; It can request clarity about something your unsure of or further explanation regarding a detail that doesn’t seem to make much sense overall. Most people don’t mind answering these questions as long as your being reasonable and friendly. Most usually will answer you. Unless they ignore you.

What if it is a scam? - Once you have gathered enough resources to confirm the post is by a scam account, it’s necessary to compile it into one place then make a post showing it or show them what you found as well. The scammer will most likely get really angry and deny your evidence and then block you and continue scamming people. Unfortunately it’s suggested to post the information yourself before confronting scam accounts.

Other stuff to look out for? - Asks being spammed; Mass tagging accounts who share mutual aid posts; Replies/reblogs are missing; Harassing people who proved they are scamming

—

To report scam posts, the original way was this: Report -> Something else -> Illegal uses or Content -> Phishing

This guide is from my other account, but I’m reposting it here as a backup. If you found this guide useful, please let me know and share it to your friends.

[chemoknowyourpoison]

9 Being told and telling someone you have Cancer

It was on 16th November 2021 I was sitting on my own in the Haematology waiting room for the first time. That day I was to be given the result of a blood investigation after a recent DVT. The original blood test had shown an anomaly, and it had been sent away for further specialist investigation. I was blissfully unaware of anything untoward, excitedly reading the first edited draft of my novel for Hannah They prayed. I had been weighed and had my temperature checked in line with post covid regulations. The nurse returned with a slip of paper asking me to give it to the consultant when called, it contained my weight and temperature. At the top of the paper was a printed logo that said something like cancer ward. Within the next few minutes, the penny began to drop it’s the C word…. The big C that does it, I must have looked confused for when called in to meet the consultant, she took a breath and asked me what I thought I was here for, I replied to get the results of a blood test taken awhile ago, I took a breath as I awaited her answer. Her reply was a distilled or layered big C. The first layer was …..our specialists have found and confirmed that you have CLL. The second was ……this is a form of Leukaemia chronic lymphatic Leukaemia and finally ……this is a blood cancer. There it is the word you dread Cancer is now out there and that for awhile is all you hear. Later in the conversation you are being advised of the websites to look at and those you should avoid plus an explanation of what the disease is, and how treatable it can be.

Returning home, how to you react to your wife’s question So what did they tell you? Talk about role reversal I just copied the consultant and watched her world change before my eyes. It takes a while, many days if not weeks before you find your feet. I knew I had to tell my siblings as there is a chance it can be hereditary especially in the male line, which also meant I had to tell my son. We decided to wait awhile as my daughter at the time was writing her dissertation at university and we felt she didn’t need the extra stress. We were also certain that she and her brother should be the first to know. The gap allowed us to prepare properly and made it easier to talk to them and then the wider family about it.  What I have learnt is that loads of sympathy is in the end the natural reaction especially on first hearing that I have cancer but in future conversations its real worth is little. Buckets of empathy however are the real deal and can make a huge difference as we fight this disease and move forward, and I would like to thank all those who support me with come on lets get up and get on with it.