#GET READY MOTHERTRUCKER >:)

[brightlydim]

[SUSPECT IDENTIFIED]

God…?

original version under the cut

and some tags @b0nkcreat @gardnwater @localvoidcat @svturn-exe hope y’all like it :)

[sweetthepotato]

The Final Pillar: Chapter 11: Briefing in the Garden

Disclaimer

Masterpost

Chapter 10

Chapter Summary

The grim reality of demon slaying hits the newbies of the Demon Slayer Corps, hard.

Contents

Genya swears like a mothertrucker. This is a somewhat shorter chapter.

Kagome left the onsen fully dressed in her usual uniform, haori and mask to find Shinbayashi and Karata feeding each other senbei on the cushions. Walking towards Genya’s room, she overheard parts of an argument between said demon slayer and the woman who’d greeted her the previous night.

‘Please, okyaku-sama, please allow me to open the door,’ she cried, her voice wobbly with concern, ‘You’ve yet to accept the breakfast we’ve been offering you for a week! We would be honoured if one such as yourself would deign to enjoy Hakone’s regional specialties, such as our onsen tofu! Please open the door! Please, okyaku-sama!’

‘Why won’t you fucking get that I don’t want it?! I don’t need some shitty Hakone tofu, you asshole!’

‘Okyaku-sama!’

There were the harsh sounds of a shoji door being wrestled with, with Genya, from the sounds of it, probably cooped up inside the room. Stepping closer to the second floor, she spotted the woman, dressed neatly in her dark kimono and white apron. She seemed to be ready for a panic attack at some point soon.

With a creak in the floorboards beneath her, Kagome made it upstairs and placed her hand on the woman’s shoulder, her insides trying to resist the instinct to squirm.

‘May I inquire about the problem, madam?’ She asked.

‘Hashira-sama!’ She wailed, tears running down her face, ‘One of your subordinates is refusing to accept our services, despite multiple attempts to get him to eat the meals prepared for him!’ Kagome swallowed a flinch as soon as the woman clung to her shoulders in her despair, ‘Please, I beg of you! Make him see sense!’

It took a bit of effort to repair the damage the woman’s wailing was doing to her eardrums. Kagome thought about what the woman was saying, she really did, but the feeling of a complete stranger squeezing her in such a way made her feel beyond uncomfortable, to say the least. Suppressing her annoyance, she didn’t think this was a problem she had to solve.

‘Please, Hashira-sama!’

‘Just fucking die!’ Genya shouted back, the jutting noise coming from his shoji door threatening that either they leave him alone or the door was going to be crushed.

If her tutelage at the Imado estate was correct, this didn’t exactly fit in with a hashira’s job description. What her current role boiled down to, was simply the act of cutting down monsters, and perhaps the protection of civilians, if that factored in. And so, she judged with some reluctance that politely with the general public was more or less a ‘don’t be an asshole’ type of thing, as Shizu would explain.

However, she supposed that this particular instance was interesting in its own way.

‘Madam, you may leave Genya-san’s breakfast here with me. Please return to your quarters and I promise to resolve this matter to the best of my abilities,’ she said to the woman as calmly as possible.

‘Oh, thank you! Thank you, Hashira-sama!’ And with that, she scurried away from the confrontation.

Kagome held the door frame from the side of its opening, ‘Genya-san, please allow me to open the door,’ she requested politely.

‘Fuck off!’ He shouted back, and Kagome felt the shoji pushing further into the railing.

Holding the door tight, Kagome tensed the muscles in her right arm, supporting the weight of the door with her abdominals and legs. She didn’t really need to concentrate all that much on her Breathing, dislodging something so light was quite a simple manoeuvre. Pressing in from her end, the shoji shifted slowly, leaving a small opening to the room at first, and then with continued pressure, it slammed into the side of the far wall, completely unharmed, if not slightly askew.

Genya was crouching at the side, where the shoji landed, his breathing heavy and erratic.

‘Kagome,’ he snarled, like a whipped pup, ‘What the fuck do you want?’

She looked at his facial expression and considered it comparable to the type of scowl the Wind Hashira would make if things didn’t go his way. She investigated the contents of their shared room, quite blandly, and concluded that Genya thankfully didn’t enact his frustrations on any of the furniture contained inside, nor any of her belongings. She assumed that, perhaps, Shinbayashi’s previous teasing had gotten to him in such a bad way, but that matters could be far worse if this was him at his angriest.

‘While not exactly part of protocol, it is highly recommended that members of the Demon Slayer Corps act courteously with civilians and avoid petty squabbles like these,’ she started, deciding that it was best to explain things as a matter of fact, rather than basing the reason off on emotions, which his were running high. ‘This is especially true for those who provide services, free of charge, to slayers of any division.’

‘And who are you to say that?’ He sneered, reaching for his katana, ‘You’re a fucking child! I won’t be acknowledging you as a hashira, nor even as a fellow demon slayer in any shape or form!’

Kagome’s eyes narrowed blandly. She’d heard similar things enough times that it didn’t really affect her so personally. Even then, Shizu’s voice, amidst many others, were activated, teeming in indignation, ‘Kago-chan, what are you going to say to that? Don’t let that fucking piece of shit get away with it!’

After a while of processing the best course of action, she stepped into their room and looked down at the source of the trouble.

‘What you think or feel about me is irrelevant, to both the mission and our current situation,’ she bore her eyes into his, which would’ve cut through her mask had they been daggers, ‘I don’t even care if you eat the food prepared by the inn. I could just ask Shinbayashi-san or Karata-san if they’re still hungry after their breakfast, or better yet, I’m more inclined now to toss the food outside the window and potentially damage any future benefits this business offers our Corps…’

To Genya’s consternated stuttering, the brunette picked up the tray of food that lay outside his room. His eyes followed her, dazed and confused. Acting upon Shizu’s encouragement, she tossed it out of the window without a second’s hesitation. There was something cathartic about that one, fluid motion, as they both watched the china shatter upon hitting the ground below.

Genya narrowed his eyes after trying and failing to search for another retort, his initial words lost mid-way through his throat. ‘Wha- what the hell, Kagome?’

‘I apologise for taking the choice away from you, but I suppose if, in the event I offered it to the other two, they would be more or less likely to reject food that went cold,’ she stated, her speech laced with her twisted sense of humour, ‘But I will request a formal apology to the proprietors by the next morning. Is there any explanation as to why you’re not eating, Genya-san?’

‘I have to be on a diet. Kocho-san’s orders,’ he growled at her.

She continued to stare at him warily through her mask, his cheeks appearing slightly hollower than they ought to be. Kagome felt a pang of remorse as her gaze hovered over his deepening eye bags, and she blamed herself for contributing to the disturbance of this morning’s events. She thought about what Shizu would do, and though it was a risk, she crouched down to his level, now that he was also sitting down. The man, at the back of her head, mused quietly that the hair consisting of the teenager’s mohawk, seemed much softer than the snarling menace he desperately tried to portray.

She exhaled deeply, ‘I don’t particularly care for a diet, but I understand if it’s upon medical advice,’ she relented. ‘But if you’re going to avoid sleep and food while on my team, I’ll have some concerns about your ability to survive on this mission. I’m not merely giving you permission to search through my satchel for provisions, but rather, I’m ordering you to do so, and to eat in front of me so I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Do I make myself clear, Genya-san?’

The teenager heard the hashira’s voice ring loud and clear, despite the fact that his voice was muffled by the oni mask. He couldn’t deny that Kagome was batting away his pathetic arguments with ease. However, it didn’t sting his ego any less that a pipsqueak was lecturing him about survival, of all things.

Instead of admitting that his mission leader was correct, he grunted a response and crawled towards the satchel in the right corner. His hands felt for something innocuous enough for the Insect Hashira not to mind, something that would be easier to consume raw, and so, after a few moments of brushing his hand past a bundle of what seemed to be sweet potatoes, he withdrew a small, red apple. With a scowl, he tore out chunks of the sweet fruit without relish, chewing and swallowing in an exaggerated manner so that the pillar could hear him to his satisfaction.

When he reached its core, chewing and biting closer to the seeds than most people would, he glared furiously at the boy’s mask, which it returned back in kind. His mouth was so full of the apple, that he had to swallow any other come back he had lined up. When he dared to take another peek at Kagome’s head, the boy seemed to supervise him with disinterest, which disgruntled him further. However, he remembered that the pipsqueak didn’t need to exert much effort to overpower him if needed, and so he finished the whole apple, seeds and stems included.

Swallowing thickly, he sneered, ‘Are you satisfied now?’

The hashira, more than content with his exercise of authority, nodded. The snarl carved into the mouth of his mask seemed more like a self-righteous, jeering laugh, which was as much like a soothing balm as a metal file on one’s teeth. As the boy stepped outside the shoji doors, the floorboards creaked under the pressure of his foot.

‘Take a nap,’ he instructed, ‘We will brief our notes in two hours. If you insist on pulling more stunts with the staff, I will have you pulled from fighting whichever demon comes our way.’

--

When Genya arrived at the briefing area, a public garden nearby the old checkpoint site, he took note of Shinbayashi’s amused expression. The corners of her lips tilted at each corner, pointed in his direction.

‘Fuck off,’ he growled.

‘Oh, Genya-kun, I definitely could do that,’ she nodded sarcastically, ‘But I’d only end up feeling sorry that you couldn’t even manage that for yourself.’

‘You fucking bi-‘

Kagome coughed and Genya stood back up straight, trying his best to ignore the Mist witch’s cackling.

‘Shinbayashi-san, please refrain from teasing Genya-san during the briefing,’ he sighed, seemingly exhausted at having to manage the childish behaviour of slayers older than him.

‘Yes boss!’ The ponytailed woman saluted, resulting in Karata’s sigh of exasperation next to her.

‘If we can all begin, I’m sure all of you have received the same mission brief from your crows before coming here,’ the hashira began. ‘That, during the span of the span of three months, a number of demon slayers have ended up missing after spending more than a week in this exact ryokan.’

The mood at the garden now shifted dramatically, the slayers nodding in tandem. Genya swore he heard Karata audibly gulp once Kagome said what he said out loud.

‘You have all resided in the inn longer than I have. Therefore, I’m placing my trust in all of you to talk through what you’ve noticed about our current setting,’ he said, his voice grave and solemn. ‘What I want us to do is compare notes and observations before discussing any of our theories. I’ve no doubt there at least one demon, who may have feasted on the bodies of our comrades, is involved to some capacity.’

Karata spoke up, his whole form trembling, ‘Since you’ve bee-heen summoned,’ he started, his stutter becoming worse, ‘Are we likely to face somethi-ing as strong as a Twelve Kizuki this soon after Natagumo?’

Kagome shook his head, ‘I’m hoping that none of us would have to face one so soon, and while we can’t rule that out as a possibility, I’m willing to bet that bastard isn’t setting his sights on a small ryokan in Hakone.’ He took a moment to look across his team, as they were all sullen in thought, paying close attention to his words, ‘However, we need to keep in mind that whatever it is we are facing has likely consumed a number of demon slayers… we should be wary.’

Shinbayashi swallowed her gasp, her expression belying her broken romantic fantasies. Her skin losing its pallor, her expression gradually transitioned out of its previous shock, the begrudging acceptance that they were too late to save anyone sinking in.

‘Kagome-san, do you know i-if there is much of a difference if a demon e-eats us, rather than civi-ilians?’ Karata asked.

The hashira’s fist clenched, but it relaxed quickly enough so as to have Genya believe that it was a figment of his imagination. With an inhale, he looked at the male Mist user. ‘Because of our physical conditioning and training, us in the Corps have a higher nutritional value than most among the general public for a demon,’ he started, ‘Even if the demon begins as nothing particularly special, if they’re properly fed, there is no doubt that they will get stronger, no matter the source.’

Karata’s female counterpart seemed to follow what the Nightmare user was saying, but because of her own doubts, her left eyebrow raised slightly higher than her right. ‘I’m willing to trust you, ‘gome-chan, since you’ve probably got more experience than either of us,’ she said, her voice lower than usual, ‘But I’d imagine that not even most hashira would learn this much about a demon’s diet.’

Kagome lifted his head again and debated in silence as to what to say to the squad next. Looking at the blank stare provided by the hashira’s oni mask, the teenager thought there was much the boy could say regarding his knowledge of demons.

Genya heard the pillar release a deep exhale, one that he assumed he'd been holding onto for a while. ‘I suppose I would’ve had to tell you sooner or later, at some point, considering this mission,’ he responded, a tinge of reluctant moroseness underlining his words. His mask beamed against the midday sun, and at that point, it was hard to look at the demon slayer’s ‘face’ without wincing. ‘For full transparency, I’m directly descended from the blood of demons, and so I’ve been able to witness these things firsthand, well before my training.’

The teenager couldn’t help but let a sharp flinch fall on his face, and he saw his teammates do the same, their hands ready to grab the hilt of their nichirin swords, ‘And it was believed that you were suitable to lead us? To keep us safe?’

Kagome, to his surprise, just shrugged a response to his question, though he wasn’t convinced that the accusation didn’t sting just a little bit, ‘Oyakata-sama, the Master of the Corps, has allowed me to be one of you since the day my seal was etched into my hand.’ The monotonous tone in his manner of speech seemed flatter than it was usually, ‘I can’t do anything, really, to prove myself to you right now. But what I can say is that I’m here, because deep down, I hate demons more than most people, and I fear the consequences of when humans help and aid them.’

Genya didn’t know what he imagined the boy’s response to be, but that took him aback more than he thought possible. Still, he didn’t feel like he could completely trust Kagome based on words alone, but for now, he pulled his hand away from his wakizashi for now. He noticed that Karata also relented on his katana, nodding at the pillar. Shinbayashi, however, had yet to loosen her grip, and she gazed at Kagome, concern lining the features of her face.

‘So, Kagome-chan, those things I saw on you before…’

‘Weren’t from too long ago, and weren’t from those times, either,’ he said to the woman, in an almost kind of whisper. With a nod, Shinbayashi relented her grip on her tsuba, and the hashira returned one in kind. Looking at the whole team again, Kagome placed a hand on his heart, ‘As your team leader, I swear, solemnly, that if there was ever the threat of harm to you, then I will endeavour to be the one to die first and help you escape.’

His breath hitched without meaning to, but to his confusion, Shinbayashi’s amused smirk returned to her once grim features.

‘Well, that’s that,’ the girl chuckled, ‘If only I had such a dramatic flair when I was your age, ‘gome-chan, eh?’

The hashira shifted, as if his eyes were rolling behind his mask, ‘Can I ask you all what you already know about the ryokan?’

Genya immediately supplied what he knew, ‘The inn is owned by an old couple and their daughter. The ryokan itself must be pretty hard to sell in a town like Hakone, because there are only two guest rooms available, and the ceilings are much lower than usual… most people who’d have enough money to afford to travel wouldn’t bother with the competition nearby… there’s also a photo… two sons who, I’m guessing, didn’t live too long in the Corps.’

The hashira nodded, commenting about the fact that there was a plausible motive, at least. He turned his head to Shinbayashi and Karata.

‘Ahem, well… that woman from before, that was the daughter,’ Shinbayashi elaborated, which made the mohawked slayer glare at her, ‘There’s also the advertising of the inn, which the mother doesn’t hesitate to share with new guests.’

‘I haven’t met the mother,’ Kagome said, ‘I don’t know much about the history of the inn, even. Is there someone who could explain in case there’s a worthwhile clue in there?’

Genya groaned, ‘Shinbayashi, you witch, don’t tell me that you’re referring to that…?’

‘Hyun, hyun, Genya-kun, I thought you’d never ask.’

‘Oh, fuck you,’ he shot back, his ears burning.

‘Unfortunately for you, I’m only with Masato-kun right now, so you’ll have to see if there’s someone else for you,’ Shinbayashi goaded, her arm draped over the male Mist Breather.

Kagome coughed at their attention and stared squarely at Karata, whose cheeks reddened at Shinbayashi’s physical contact. ‘W-well… there’s apparently a local legend in the area that those who enter the onsen’s water wi-i-ill meet their true love among the guests i-in the ryokan,’ he started.

[for-the-ninth]

Happy Sunday Mothertruckers! Posting this from the bed, where I'm nursing my girlfriend back from the brink of a migraine.

Wrote chapter 8, hated it, so decided to rewrite it. The bones are still there, but the accoutrements have changed. This excerpt is a continuation of the last bit I posted, in which Shielan is in charge of sentencing Cullen for his crimes in Kirkwall.

Chapter 4 of The Life That Left Me goes up on Wednesday!! Read the first three chapters here. Tags and some ramblings about my feelings on Cullen under the cut!

“That was a joke.” She paused and met his gaze, the faintest hint of a smile tugging at her otherwise steely expression. “Which isn’t to say I won’t do it, but considering your penchant for following orders, I’m certain it won’t come to that.”

He wanted to laugh, but felt empty inside. His eyelids were still heavy and swollen from the night before, the skin beneath them red and puffy from tossing and turning until morning. He’d cried for hours, curled up in a tight ball, knees hugged to his chest, gasping for air between sobs. Not even the death of his parents had inspired such unabashed displays of grief. Yet all the while, he'd thought, What right have I to sit here weeping like a child, after all I’ve done?

“I’ve no plans to escape,” he said, with a rasp rough as gravel. “Weapons I’ve left in my quarters, so I’m ready now if you are."

Shielan, having resumed her chaotic rifling, ignored him in favor of muttering curses under her breath, and he was momentarily perturbed by her lack of gravitas. Perhaps this ordeal was merely a blip in her frame of consciousness—understandable, considering all she’d had thrust upon her in the last month alone—but it was earth shattering to him. He made it a point to clear his throat louder than was truly necessary, and immediately regretted it. 

“Surely,” she said, yanking open another desk drawer and throwing the contents out onto the floor, “it is not the disgraced Commander—for whom I’ve already dreamt up seventeen wildly creative methods of execution—who plucks at me with such childlike impatience.”

As I design this redemption arc for Cullen, there are a few key points that have become important for me, and these are the reasons I've chosen to write parts of the fic from his perspective.

If you've ever done something hurtful, no matter how big or small, you know how heavy it weighs on your conscience. I've certainly hurt people in ways they found unforgivable, and I had to figure out how to hold myself accountable for that and move forward knowing forgiveness wouldn't be possible for me. Too often, I believe we get caught in a trap of seeking forgiveness first, and it can hinder our growth if we believe our integrity is dependent on someone forgiving us.

Cullen aided and abetted a lot of heinous shit in Kirkwall - shit that the survivors are not going to readily forgive him for, because even him acknowledging it and being willing to atone doesn't fix their trauma. He has to learn how to live with that and how to find meaning in moving forward despite that lack of forgiveness.

People don't fit neatly into categories of Good vs Bad, and accountability is rarely easy. I feel it's important to show the journey from Cullen's perspective, so we can see the very human guilt and shame he contends with.

Anyway, thanks for reading my rambles, and here are some tags: @oxygenforthewicked @roguelioness @cleverblackcat @scribbledquillz @noire-pandora @charmcity-jess and anyone else who feels like it! No pressure to post obvs.

[the-last-millenial-disaster]

Heeeey would you mind sorting agents to hogwarts houses? Thank <3 <3

*yeets it your way bc I’ve been waiting for this*

Brimstone: Gryffindor. Always putting other people first. Team focused. Natural leader, someone people listen to. (Secondary house: Hufflepuff)

Viper: Slytherin. I had a dilemma here, because she could as well be in Ravenclaw and Slytherin is just such an obvious pick. But I still think that she appreciates ambition over wit. (Secondary house: Ravenclaw)

Omen: Ravenclaw.  Curious. Interpret that as you will. Constantly looking for answers,   never giving up on his condition. Aspiring to improve his situation.   Stubborn. See, this is hard because this bitch isn’t giving me much to   work with.(Secondary house: Gryffindor)

Killjoy: Ravenclaw. No way around it. She’d take smarts and wisdom over anything, anytime.(Secondary house: Slytherin)

Cypher: Slytherin. Sly mothertrucker. Everything is his business. Playful.(Secondary house: Ravenclaw)

Sova: Gryffindor. Ok ok I know he seems like a Ravenclaw or a Hufflepuff but have you heard his voicelines? He’s cocky and extremely confident in himself. However, I think that he might just be in Hufflepuff aka. he chooses kindness and loyalty. (Secondary house: Hufflepuff)

Sage: Hufflepuff. Her tendency to help others no matter her own condition lands her among the people with big hearts. She can absolutely kick arse, don’t get me wrong. But if she could end the fight, she would. (Secondary house: Ravenclaw)

Phoenix: Gryffindor. Cocky. Quite full of himself. I don’t want to encourage house stereotypes because they aren accurate at all, but this guy is the embodiment of it and I can’t unsee it.(Secondary house: Slytherin)

Jett: Gryffindor. Proud of her identity. Reckless. Has a feeling she has something to prove even though that's not true (yes that's a Gryffindor struggle I noticed with my Gryffindor friends). Can absolutely be a team player if she wants to. (Secondary house: Ravenclaw)

Reyna: Slytherin. Playful. Cunning. Has a vision and is ready to commit to it’s realisation. (Secondary house: Gryffindor)

Raze: Hufflepuff. I don’t really know how to explain this one but she just gives me those carefree, warm vibes. Like she’s one of those supportive and positive people that everyone generally wants to have around. (Secondary house: Gryffindor)

Breach: Gryffindor. Well. How much do I have to explain here? Determined. Hotheaded. The nonexistent patience and strong charisma. (Secondary house: Hufflepuff)

Skye: Hufflepuff. Caring. Ready to fuckin jump anyone who attacks her pack. Loyal to her cause. (Secondary house: Ravenclaw)

Yoru: Slytherin. Cunning and witty. Aspires to find answers by any means necessary. Determined and will not stop until he gets what he wants. (Secondary house: Gryffindor)

[whole-lotta-hoes]

Whole Lotta Hoes| Crack Fanfic Mini Series

Episode One: Zeppelin Is No More

Episode Two: Looking For A Job

Episode Three:

Episode Four:

Episode Five:

Warning:

This will cause you to lose a couple of brain cells and question your sanity. It will include a shit ton of weird shit and things that don't make sense at all. Do not read if you are not ready for any of this, read at your own risk.

Cast:

John Paul Jones (Main character)

Robert Plant

Jimmy Page

John Bonham

-------------------

Led Zeppelin is a band apparently. It's just a bunch of horny mother fuckers put together to make songs about sex. John Paul Jones was laying in bed with Robert Plant which he has no idea how that happened. He hoped nothing weird went down between them cause Jimmy Page would be so mad. oh jesus oh god you do not want to make that mother fucker mad. He'll literally turn you into a cheeseball and eat you. John got out of bed only to see that John Bonham was standing in the corner eating swedish fish gummies. He was not going to question it.

"Want some?" Bonzo asked him and he held one in his hand.

"I don't know you what the fuck!?" Jonesy yelled. He went to the baffroom and spotted jimmy trying to swim inside of the toilet. He believed he could do it if he tried hard enough.

"the oil supply demand is sky rocketing these days!" jimmy yelled as he got out of the toilet.

"Bitch do not touch me with your boo boo water," He warned him as he grabbed a toothbrush to use as a weapon. He learned how to make a knife with it in jail.

"Penis guitar playing is totes fun jonesy, you should try it," jimmie added. Oh mother fucker he is a heterosexual lad. Or that is what he said the other day when he ate some of robert's caramel popcorn. man he wondered how he even ended up in that stupid band. who's led and why does he have a zeppelin? you know some guy named their kid zeppelin but he claims that he didn't name him after the band. wait what were we talking about?

The band all decided to head to mcdonalds to eat happy meals. jimmy tickles.

"Guys! oh my god you will not believe it but britney is such a slut! ugh! can't believe she left me for a fish lookin' mother fucker-"

"No one gives a rats ass about your weird horny ass!" jimmy cut him off by yelling at robert. God damn that shithead has a huge ego but a small dick. Jonesy never understood why people liked him so much. He once stole his favorite pair of jojo siwa socks and claimed he never knew he owned any.

"You motherfuckers we're supposed to be going on tour!" Bonzo yelled as he swooped the food off the table.

"suck my asshole bonzo!" jim yelled.

"calm down pagey, he's just a meanie," robert added as he patted his head.

"y'all need to start realizing that no one likes you both!" jonesy snapped.

"shut up you're literally ugly and small and the bassist of led zeppelin and you look like heman with that stupid haircut of yours" Bonzo said as he ate jonesys burgers. damn that hurt.

"You know," jonesy began, "i don't need this job"

"what job?" robeet askes.

"shhhhh let the weirdo speak," jimmy said as he stuck his finger into his mouth.

"without me you will all suck asshole and no one will actually like led zeppelin," he explained.

the three slowly looked at each other and began to laugh their asses off at him.

"You act like you matter so much," robert added.

"shut up cheese cream! you're literally big and ugly and you look like you are 50 years old!" bonzo said as he drank his milk. that was funny. Jonesy felt his blood boil and grabbed his happy meal and stormed out.

-

It was the day of their shit concert. led zeppelin were backstage preparing to cause a dismother and set things on fire. preferably roberts underwear that pretty much doesn't exist in this case. the band stepped on stage and the crowd went wild.

"hello bananas-" That motherfucker fell forward into the drum set. oopsies. jimmy ran to him to make sure his hoe isn't dead or alive. fucking bon jovi.

"oh shit! robert plant is down!" he yelled. jonesy was absolutely done with them. they are nothing but a bunch of dumb fucks who ruin everything. He took out his laser penis and shot jimmy and robert to death.

"oh Motherfucker has a fucking laser pp! hija de su pinche madre!" jimmy yelled as he split in half. robert died again. bonzo just sat there blown away by the fact that that john paul jones just killed the front man and the guitarist of Led Zeppelin in front of millions of people. he was impressed.

"holy shit man you really-"

nope sorry but jonesy shot him too so he died. damn he could've let him live. meanie. oh wait im writing this so i could've.... ah man im too lazy to go back and fix it. too bad we're going with this plot now. Jonesy stepped off the stage and headed to the back.

"god dammit i hate everyone in this bloody world," he said to himself. he decided to hit the pub that was nearby to enjoy himself.

As he was sitting at the counter drinking something that is an alcoholic beverage. he began to spark ideas of what he could possibly do since led zeppelin died. He thought about starting a whole new band but he remembered that what caused him to kill led zeppelin. that was out of the shopping list for walmart. next was to steal money from the bank so he remains rich but he then realized that he is a famous musician and will get recognized quickly. fuck. he then thought of changing his hair to look less like heman cause that insult hurt.

"aha!" he shouted. He finally thought of something that could get him a shit ton of money. He drank the remaining drink from his cup and ran out of the pub.

-

he put on a thicc line of eyeliner, red lipstick, a black wig, fish nets leggings, high heeled boots, and earrings. oh man this is going to be hella great. His wife walked in to see what the fuck this small ass mothertrucker was up to this time. oh man i shat my pants.

"sweetie what the fuck are you doing!?" she yelled. Jonesy turned to look at her.

"led zeppelin is no more," he responded. She was so confused and wondered how the fuck she even ended up marrying heman. she had no idea what led zeppelin is no more meant and was hella concerned for his health.

"be back in a few days," he added as he broke his ankle trying to exit the house and rolled down the hill. oops it's not up the hill anymore. guess you could really say he went down hill. i hate myself so much. he walked down the sidewalk and ended up in someone's house. Motherfucker it's jimmy page's house. he stole his nice trousers or whatever those were. my teacher walked by as i wrote that btw. turns out they don't fit him cause jimmy is also a big hoe and jonesy isn't. shit. jimmy is embarrassing asf. that was pointless of him stealing so he stole his underwear. wait he wears those? imma look it up hold on. i didn't find anything about that so im just going to assume that he doesnt.

there was a picture of jimmy when he was with the yardbirbs and golly that is one ugly Motherfucker! he stole and stuffed it into his underwear. he got out of the house full of useless shit that he did not need at all. Then he forgot what he was doing. Jonesy continued walking down the street only to break his other ankle and rolled down the steep pathway. damn he's one dumb hoe bitch.

-

His laser penis was out of control. he just wanted to have a little me time but instead shot a whole through the wall of the motel be was staying in. god dammit. he removed his pp and switched it out with a normal pp. that's odd. his plan of overthrowing led zeppelin stressed him out. what else do you do when you're stressed? well can't say cause i ain't gotta peener. he got so bored. his days of not being in led zeppelin have been lame and was the worst idea he could even come up with. he didn't know what to do know. he can't just eat your grandma over and over again. he looked at himself through the mirror and oh my god I'm a sexy Motherfucker oh yeah bitch im THE BITCH. he needed to find something that'll keep him entertained for while.

babysitting was a bad idea. he got bitten by a bunch of goblins and gave him rabies. god i hate kids.

"hello motherfucker," jimmy said.

"OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD DAD SHOES PENIS PLANT! I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU THE OTHER DAY!" Jonesy yelled as he jumped over the couch.

"Nah bitch that was just my twin brother Jamie Patricia Page," He added. "Bitch why are you dressed like a stripper?"

Oh yeah he forgot that was what he was going to do once he killed led zeppelin. he still can but now there's a little bitch with him named james patrick page.

"we should kill robert plant," jimny suggested.

"Bitch i already killed him, you're a little too late you duck whore," he responded.

turns out he didn't actually kill led zeppelin but instead killed their twin brothers.

"You want to overthrow led zeppelin into the trashcan?" Jonesy asked. "Thought that's what you and bert wanted to do...."

"Nah man.... percy is a very stupid penguin and is meanie.... he stole my jojo siwa socks," jimmy explained.

ah damn turns out robert plant is the villain of the story and should be died. he is too powerful. his hair will slice the fuck out of anyone.

"You got a plan?" Jonesy asked.

"i say we steal his pants and burn them and use them as an alternative to oil," he explained. damn science class. then this guy named bonzo showed up and began to beat them with his drum sticks.

"BONZO CALM THE FUCK DOWN! AHHHHHHHHH!!!" james yelled.

"sorry but robert said to beat you both with them!" bonzo yelled back.

jonesy dug through his pants and took out a bunch of swedish fish gummies.

"hey look! fish gummies! come and get it boy!"

"bitch what the fuck I am not some stupid dog for you to be doing that time of shit you small Motherfucker heman lookin hoe short shit," bonzo said.

"GIMME GIMME OH SHIT!" he attacked Jonesy.

jimmy page the god of led zeppelin stood there watching while cheering them on fight fight fight! it got in here so he removed his trousers and threw them at bonzo which ended up knocking him out.

"oh shit! your pants are powerful! we can use it to kill percy!" Jonesy shouted.

"NO! JIMBERT MUST GO CANON!" Jimmy yelled and jumped out the window. all you heard was splash. that motherfucker jumped into the pool and is now wet. that's a disturbing image. Jonesy rolled his eyes and went back to doing whatever the fuck he was doing. it all of a sudden got really bright outside. oh the sun came out cause it was cloudy. but wait! Jonesy looked out the window and spotted robert plant heading towards him.

"IM THE GOLDEN GOD-" that motherfucker fell inside of the pool and sizzled. cual pinche golden god ese no mas anda haciendo puros desmadres y estupideces de mario.

that was the end of led zeppelin.

[dothwrites]

christmas soft!boys

so dean is one of those guys. die hard is his favorite christmas movie. but like, he liked it as a christmas movie before it was the cool thing to do so fuck off hipsters and sitcoms and dudebros and every other person who wants to ironically like it as a christmas movie because for a very long time, one of dean’s favorite christmas traditions was curling up on the couch to watch die hard on tbs and listening to bruce willis say “yippie ki yay mothertrucker” while his mother cast long suffering glances at his father. 

(dean still won’t take off his shoes in an unfamiliar location because hahaha, no thank you, he’s seen how that one goes)

and by now he’s roped cas into his tradition (unwillingly, cas is a goddamn snob about the weirdest things and die hard is one of them) and when cas comes home one night dean already has the blu-ray in, menu playing, and a freshly made vat of popcorn sitting on the coffee table (stovetop, none of that bagged shit for tonight). 

“die hard?” cas asks, flicking his eyes over the scene and dean can tell that he’s exasperated but like, he’s also fond. it’s a very cas-like expression and one that dean not so secretly adores. 

“die hard,” dean answers, leaning in to peck cas on the lips. “get ready,” he orders, sending cas off to the bedroom with a swat on the ass. 

a few moments later cas returns, dressed in one of dean’s faded led zeppelin shirts, the one with the holes in the collar and armpit, and a pair of sweats that hang dangerously low on his hips. and cas looks hot, cas looks downright fuckable, and no doubt on another day dean can and will take advantage of that situation, but today he has more important matters to consider.  

namely, lifting his legs and arms so that cas can slide in underneath them. that way dean can snuggle in close, burrow his nose in cas’ (his) shirt. he knows the movie so well by now that he can quote it, so he watches with half an eye open, almost more interested in the way that the tips of cas’ fingers trail over the back of his neck than he is in the movie. 

their fingers tangle when they reach for the popcorn, buttery and salty, and cas rolls his eyes when dean mouths the line now i have a machine gun ho ho ho. 

the christmas tree provides the only light in the room, dozens of muticolored lights twinkling in the darkened room. with his legs slung up over cas’ legs, his head pillowed on cas’ shoulder, fingers stroking against cas’, dean dozes. 

merry christmas, cas murmurs into his hair at the closing of the movie. 

and god bless us every one, dean thinks, just before he falls asleep. 

---

tags under the cut, message/reply/ask to be added or removed~~

@screamatthescreen @queenvee08 @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @dizzypinwheel @homeriics @stay-inside-the-salt-ring @deansbff @spaceshipkat @rogerslouis 

[slut4barzy]

Hey!! For blurb night can you do “for Christ sake babe, turn off the goddamn camera” and “smack my ass again, I dare you” with Trevor Zegras, thank you!!

💗 i am like so sorry for how horrendously late this blurb is. thank you for sending one in! nothing like soon to be daddy! trevor to warm up my heart.

✰ “for christ sake babe, turn off the goddamn camera.” / “smack my ass again, i dare you” — (trevor zegras)

when trevor heard the news that you were expecting he was over the moon at the idea of him becoming a dad. you loved the way he lit up over any baby talk, especially when you weren’t feeling so hot about it. it wasn’t like you weren’t happy to have a baby, you just weren’t ready. at your age there is so much that you wanted to do before settling down and having a kid.

with trevor’s excitement also came trevor’s stupid camcorder. he bought one in a way to capture all the memories during your pregnancy, just for the fun of it. at first you thought it was a cute idea, until you got sick.

it was cute when you were recording doctors visits, little milestones, and the baby’s first kicks but when you are hunched over a toilet throwing up all your meals, nauseous out of your mind, and tired, the last thing you wanted was a camera shoved in your face. the amount of times you had screamed, “for christ sakes babe, turn off the goddamn camera.” has been too much to count.

tonight seemed like you were going to have a good night. you were to able to keep your dinner down, baby kept his kicking to a minimal, and you went to bed knowing that finally after six long months you were getting the sleep that deserved. when you thought you were going to get a full nights rest things took a turn, but instead of the baby waking you up it was trevor’s voice.

pretending to still be asleep you felt trevor’s hand rubbing up and down on your stomach. “hey bud,” you hear him whisper, his breath lightly grazing your stomach. “i know you’re having a lot of fun growing in there but you gotta keep it down for mama.” “she loves you very much and all she wants for you to be healthy so you can come out and crush people on the ice,” you raised your eyebrows a little at his comment.

feeling a kiss pressed on your stomach you melt, “we can’t wait to meet you.” in response you felt a hard kick making you bite your lip to try not to blow your cover. trevor laughs, “so do we have a deal?” the baby kicks again but this time you couldn’t hold it in, “mothertrucker!” you yell, rubbing on your stomach.

“i’m sorry baby did i wake you?” you shake your head shifting yourself into a sitting position. “baby’s just being a bit too active. even though.. its 2:30 in the morning.” “sorry, we were having a little chat.” you smile, “i know. i was listening.” you watch his face heat up. he sits up next to you immediately you place your hand in his hair.

“can you believe he’ll be here in only a month?” trevor sighs enjoying the feeling of your nails in his hair, “i know, it’s all going by so fast. just seemed like yesterday snot was dribbling down your face as you told me you were pregnant.” he laughs remembering the mess he encounter eight months back, full of mascara streaks and snot bubbles.

“you’re an ass.”

“never knew why you reacted like that. you knew we were going to be alright.” you sigh leaning your head against the headboard, “i was nervous. nervous about how you were going to react, nervous for the future, nervous about everything.”

“yn.. you are going to the best mother.” smiling softly you reply, “and you are going to the best father.”

“the best.”

a yawn stifles out of your mouth, “we should probably get to sleep.” you nod as the both of tried to get back into your comfortable sleeping positions trevor spoke up, “you know one thing that has been great about your pregnancy?” you hum ready to make fun of him at any chessy sentimental shit that he is going to say.

“you have a such a body now! it’s not like you didn’t have an ass before but now you have an ass!” you laugh yelping at trevor smacking your ass. “babe stop! touch my ass again, i dare you!” you couldn’t even finish your threat because you were laughing so hard. “thanks.” you reply, “at least two good things is coming out of all this.”

finally the both of you settle down, cuddled up against each other. there is no one else you would go through all of this with. trevor has been so kind, understanding, and attentive that if he wanted ten more little brats you would just be ready, legs wide open.

when you thought that trevor had fallen asleep you whisper against his chest, “i am so glad that you nutted in me.” the rumble of his chest proved you wrong, “i am glad that i did too.”

prompt list 💗🧬🤪

also! i just wanted to thank everybody for all the love that i have been getting on my works. it just warms my heart knowing that you all enjoy the things that i post and just motivates me to try and write more. thank you sm!

[doremiz]

chapter 1

@jaesilk // yeehaw mothertrucker

doyeon prepares well for the weekends. she gets all her homework done for university thursday. she typically reviews everything from the previous weekend during the week and has extensive notes on every topic. 

she preps well because weekends are her golden days.

they’re less crammed with university classes and ultimately less expectant of what she had to offer and what she had to do.  it’s not something she fancies and thats why her strictly managed weekdays are often exhausting, she powers through knowing she has a full three days of focused and intentional practice on vocal, production and lyrical content.

on these golden days doyeon’s usually up and out earlier than necessary, books in tow in her faithful chai-huahua tote and coffee in her hand. triple shot with three pumps of vanilla and no milk. abc’s recording studios are in a separate building, away from the bustle of the regular trainees, pristine rooms decorated by to the style of whoever frequents them. today she’s training with producer kang and by tradition he’s given her a buttload of work to study over the weekend, including studying her last session with him ( which fyi was terrible ).

she’s prepped naturally for the self-roast she’s going to do when he arrives, and she’s planned on getting some final revisions in before that. 

what she doesn’t plan is after entering the code and powering her way in to the tune of lucky by britney spears is for someone to already be there. whenever there are people already in the studio they’re accompanied by their team and usually the producer covering her lesson for the day. which is why five minutes prior doyeon is belting out a particularly ungodly note on her way in and spinning in the producer’s chair before her eyes fall in him.

the bows and pleasantries come first, the attempt to catch her coffee comes next, and the sigh of pure relief is last.

“producer kang didn’t tell me i’d be shadowing todaaaay.” it’s a lame excuse, probably not one she should be giving in front of a senior, but he doesn’t seem too focused on her? regardless she keeps the words low under her breath and her smile natural. especially because -

she might’ve hit the jackpot.

“SILK, i’m doyeon the trainee for the session. one, thank you for letting me sit on your session, and two,” usually the producers and the recording team are already here when it’s a shadowing session and she can’t soften anyone up before they line up her duties for the session. but now, she might get an arm in. “if i let you roast my notes now, i’ll be able to take whatever critiques producer kang throws at me when he gets here.” with her coffee still fastened in her hand doyeon’s opening her spread of notebooks in her small corner of the table.

“so, we usually tackle the most recent recording so we can take a listen first? the song from last week was.........i love you by 2ne1.” doyeon’s ready to go, as she knows most of the artists who let her shadow are busy and don’t hesitate when she arrives. she’s got one hand ready to scribble more notes and the other holding the phone out.

[jimlingss]

OMFGGGGG HEY !!! I CANT BELIEVE YOU BROKE EM UP ALREADY ITS ONLY CHAPTER 2 HOLY SHIT !!! You really blew me away whew. I saw that we should meet and I knew. It didn’t sound right reading it and oh lord... you tease 😩😭🤣😭😭😭

hahaha....honestly I wanted OC and Jin’s relationship to be drawn out a little longer so we could see the full scale of it but with the ideas I had left for the series, I knew I had to keep going. 

Anonymous said:I KNEW IT. I KNEW THAT MOTHERTRUCKER WAS TRASH WHEN HE DIDNT SAY I LOVE YOU BACK. AND THEN THE LACK OF TEXTING. I HATE MEN. (Of course not the real Jin he would never what a babe 😍 but truly a compliment to your writing to get me to hate him in any capacity 💜)

LOL this is fucking hilarious but same. ((actually though I don’t hate Jin in this story. It’s a bit complex but I’ll talk about it later on))

Anonymous said:I KNEW IT, I SAW THAT COMING. man only chapter two and we got a little angst in sugar and coffee oof. I'm so excited to see how this story plays out

Anonymous said:JIN DID WHAT NOW??? DAMN IT I KNEW SHE WASN'T GIVING HIM THE SILENT TREATMENT CUZ SHE WAS PISSED AT HIM

all y’all are ready to beat jin, aren’t you? rofl

[tiny-opal-essence]

Pocket Paladin Chpt 15

Mind-Meld Memories

“Alright everyone, seeing as we have one paladin too many for our usual mind-meld training, Pidge has designed a new version of it,”  Coran said.

‘Hear that?  You’re an extra, unnecessary paladin.’

Well, I’m still a paladin, so *pbbt*.

‘Sticking your tongue out at your own thoughts?  How mature.’

“Would you care to explain, Pidge?”

“Sure.  Basically, with this new software, we can train in different types of terrain and weather, all simulated by our minds.  While in the mind meld, we will feel everything, like temperature, wind, pain.  If something in the training would kill you in a real fight, you would just be knocked out of the mind meld until the end of the simulation.”

“Cool, but how is that going to help me?  I’m still going to be 3 inches tall in the simulator.”

“Actually, you won’t be.  You can think of yourself being back at your normal height while in the mind meld according to Pidge.”  Shiro commented.

“Wait, seriously?”

“That will let you be a bigger help during training.  *gasp* No pun intended.”  Allura put her hand in front of her mouth in shock.

“Don’t worry about it, Allura.  I know you didn’t mean it like that.”

‘Are you sure about that?’

“You said we would feel everything in the simulation.  If we get a cut during training, would that show up on our actual bodies?” Keith asked.

“No, it wouldn’t.  There shouldn’t even be any residual pain from it when you’re out of the mind meld.”  Pidge answered.

“Oh thank God.” Hunk said in relief.

“Any other questions?  No?  Let’s get started.”  Pidge said as everyone put on their helmets.

It was dark for a few seconds as the program booted up.  Once it did, Lance had to close his eyes from the bright light.  As his eyes adjusted to the light, he saw that things looked smaller.  That is, they looked normal.  The trees towering over him didn’t make him feel as small as before.  When he touched the trunk of the tree, he could feel how rough it was, as if he really were in a forest.  The scent of pine was heavy in the air.  The snow *crunched* under his feet and he could see his breath.

He continued to look around and saw the rest of his teammates pop into existence in the simulation.  They were the same height as him.

“Oh my gosh, Pidge, you were right!  I’m normal size!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!”  Lance ran over and hugged the now shortest paladin.

“Yeah, yeah.  Glad you’re enjoying it, Lance.”  She responded with a grin.

No one noticed the soft, fond smile on Keith’s face when he saw how happy Lance was.

Lance let go of Pidge and was immediately grabbed in a hug by Hunk.

“Oh, I’ve missed being able to do this.”

“Same here, big guy.”  Lance hugged him back.

It’s nice to get an actual hug.  Nothing against the “hand hugs”, but they don’t compare to the real thing.  Plus with an actual hug, they’re not worried about hurting me.  Speaking of hurting me…

“Hunk, I can’t breathe.”

“Sorry, Lance!”  Hunk exclaimed as he quickly let go.  

“Hey, it’s fine.  Never apologize for how strong of hugs you give!”

“This simulation is incredible,” Shiro said as he looked around.

“You can actually feel how cold the snow is,” Allura added on while sticking her hand in a snowbank.

“It must have taken a long time to design all this,” Keith commented.

“It did, but it’s worth it, right?”  Pidge asked smugly.

“Paladins, can you hear me?” Coran’s voice sounded in the comms.

“Loud and clear, Coran,” Shiro responded.

“Wait, Coran, are you in the simulation too?”  Lance asked.

I didn’t see him put on a helmet.

“No, I just get to control the simulation and see what the 6 of you are seeing,”  Coran answered.

“This isn’t going to be like when you were the loremaster during Monsters and Mana, is it?”

“I promise I won’t be as devious or mad with power.”

“Monsters and Mana?” Keith asked.

“Oh, it’s this cool game we played while you were with the Blade.  You get to create a fantasy character and go on a quest.  The loremaster lets you know how difficult each task is and you roll a die to see if you accomplish it or not.”  Lance explained.

“Sounds…complicated.”

“It’s not once you get used to it.  It’s a lot of fun.  We should play it sometime.”

“You wouldn’t even need a hologram of your character, you could be the game piece yourself while you’re like this.”

“You’re right Pidge!  *gasp* It would be just like when they played giant wizards chess in the first Harry Potter movie!  That would be so cool!”

“Didn’t Ron almost die during that?”  Keith asked, concerned about Lance.

“Yeah, but Monsters and Mana is a hologram.  Lance wouldn’t have anything to worry about.”  Pidge answered.

“Wait, you’ve seen Harry Potter, but you’ve never heard of Guardians of the Galaxy?”

“Yeah?  What of it?”

“Nothing.”

You’re a hard guy to figure out, Keith.

“Alright.  Is everyone adjusted to the simulation?”

“Yes.” The paladins chorused.

“Good.  Now, your first mission in the simulator is going to be a simple rescue, just to test the programming.  Prince Apollonia has been taken by the Morris Day 6.  You need to figure out where they took him and free him.”  Coran declared.

“Shouldn’t we be practicing fighting Lotor?” Shiro asked.

“Yes, but I need to get more data on how his team works to get an accurate model of them in the simulator,”  Pidge explained.  “Once I do get that, we’ll be able to train to fight them.  For now, we make do with generic villains.”

“We should start looking for clues as to where the Prince may have been taken.” Allura declared.

“How about a couple sets of footprints heading that way?” Lance pointed in the direction the tracks in the snow went.

“Good eye, Lance,” Keith said.

“Guess you guys can call me ‘Eagle Eye Lance’ from now on.”  Lance did his finger-gun thing.

“Nope.  Not doing that.”  Shiro stated.

“Let’s see where these go.” Hunk said as the group started following the tracks.

It was silent on their walk save for the *crunch* of the snow.  They soon arrived at the edge of a clearing.  In the center of it was a tent.  There were 5 girls standing guard of it.

“Coran, I thought you said they were the Morris Day 6.  There’s only 5.”

“Lance, use the heat vision on your scope,”  Allura recommended.

“But I don’t have my bayard, remember?  It wasn’t affected by the spell.”

“Well, here in the simulation, you have your bayard.  You’re the only one that has heat vision, so can you please use it so we can see if Prince Apollonia is in the tent?”  Pidge stressed the please.

“Ok, ok.”

Touchy.  Alright, how do I get this to activate again?

“What are you waiting for Lance?” Pidge asked.

“Give me a sec.  It’s been a while since I’ve used this.”

The bayard turned into a gun in his hands.

Ok, good.  Now how does heat vision work on this thing?  Oh yeah!

Lance looked through the scope.  “I see two people in the tent.  It looks like one of them is walking around the other one.  The other one’s just sitting there.”

“That’s more than likely Prince Apollonia,” Shiro commented.

“And the one circling him must be the 6th member of the Morris Day 6,” Allura added on.

“Only question is, how do we get him out of there?” Keith wondered out loud.

“Maybe we could do a distraction.  Divide their forces.  It would make it easier to get close.”  Lance suggested.

“Sounds like you just volunteered,”  Pidge smirked.

“I did not!”

“Mmm, you kind of did, Lance.” Hunk also smirked at Lance.

“Hey, we don’t gang up on teammates,”  Shiro said.

“But he makes it so easy.” Pidge teased.

“Just for that, you two get to go with him.”

“But-“

“No buts.”

Pidge and Hunk both *groaned* out loud.  

‘They don’t want to work with you.  Working with you is a punishment.’

Lance tried to not focus on those thoughts as the garrison trio walked around to the other side of the clearing.  They let the others know when they were in position.

“Everyone ready?”

“Initiate operation lost in the woods.” Hunk said.

“~OH NO, I AM A SMALL CHILD WHO HAS BECOME HELPLESSLY LOST IN THE WOODS.  WOE IS ME.~”  Pidge yelled out towards the Morris Day 6.  “I still don’t get why I have to be the child lost in the woods.  Lance’s voice carries more.”

“Yeah, but you look more like a small child.”  Hunk said.

“I resent that!”  Pidge hissed out.

“What Hunk’s trying to say is that they won’t expect anything from you-”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Pidge had a bite in her tone.

“-so you can kick their butts and prove them wrong at the same time.” Lance finished saying.

“Didn’t like where that sounded like it was going, but I like where it wound up,”  Pidge commented.

“You have to yell again, Pidge.  They’re not moving from their position yet.”  Allura said over the comms.

“Uggh, fine.  ~THIS IS THE QUICKEST WAY TO THE MARKET.  MOTHER SAID THAT I SHOULDN’T TAKE THE SHORTCUT THROUGH THE WOODS WHILE CARRYING SUCH PRECIOUS CARGO, BUT I AM SO TIRED OF CARRYING ALL OF THIS GOLD.  AND NOW I AM LOST.  WHAT IS A GIRL TO DO?  BUT LOOK!  THERE’S A CLEARING UP AHEAD.  PERHAPS I WILL FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP ME.  I CERTAINLY HOPE THERE AREN’T ANY THEIVES OR RUFFIANS THERE.  I HAVE NO WAY OF DEFENDING MYSELF~.”

“It’s working Pidge!  We’ve got 3 of them coming our way.”  Lance focused the scope on the approaching targets.  The 3 members of the Morris Day 6 got closer.

“Hello, little one.  You look lost.” One of the three knelt in front of Pidge while the other two remained upright.

“Oh, I’m not lost.” Pidge had a smirk on her face.  “Now!”

Hunk and Lance jumped down from their respective trees onto the two standing kidnappers.  Pidge took the last one down with an uppercut from her bayard.

“Alright!  We took care of three of them.  Let’s get the other ones.”

“Wait, I’ve got an idea,” Lance said as they looked at the unconscious members of the Morris Day 6.  “Sweater swap!”

“Is now really the time to be thinking about that, Lance?” Pidge asked.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying.  More along the lines of ‘Disguise mothertrucker!’, like that old vine.”

“Isn’t it ‘Disguise Motherfucker!’?”

“*gasp* Pidge, you can’t use language like that in front of a child!  Shiro’s only 6, you know how impressionable children are at that age!” Hunk said with mock offense.

“Really?  We’re bringing up me being a leap year baby again?”  

“Can we focus back on the mission?  What were you thinking, Lance?” Allura said through the comms.

“Me and Hunk can put on these guys’ cloaks and sneak up on the other two standing guard outside the tent and take them down.”

“What about me?” Pidge asked.  “Don’t I get to be a part of the sweater swap?”

“It would look suspicious if one of the three shrunk.” Hunk said.

“It would look suspicious if only two of the three returned.”

“She has a point,” Keith commented.

“Yeah, that would be more suspicious I guess.” Lance agreed.

“Let’s grab their weapons.”

The three of them quickly tied up the unconscious kidnappers and took their cloaks and weapons.  They then quickly made their way to the tent.

“Where is the gold that child was yelling about?”  One of the two guards asked.

“What gold?  Oh, yeah, it turns out, there wasn’t any gold.” Hunk nervously said.

The guards looked at each other.

“What he’s trying to say is that it was a trap.  Some common thieves in the area looking to make a quick buck.  But we showed them.”  Lance quickly said.

“And what did you do with your adversaries?”  The guard on the left asked.

“We left them tied up to a tree.  They’ll know better than to cross the Morris Day 6 again.”  Pidge answered.

“Interesting.”  The guard on the right said.

“You sound different since you came back.”  The left guard added on.

“Oh, you know, we’re just a bit out of breath, that’s all,” Hunk responded.

“Really?  Your voice just dropped a whole octave because of adrenaline?  Is that what you’re saying?”  The right guard said.

“Yes, that’s exactly what he’s saying.”

The guards pointed their weapons at the three of them.

“You are not our teammates.  Everyone knows the Morris Day 6 is an all-female group.”  The left guard said.

“You kept referring to yourselves as male, proving beyond doubt that you are imposters.”  The right guard added.

“Oh no, how could these two have tricked me?  In all the chaos, I must have mistaken them for who they claimed to be.”  Pidge tried to lie her way out of the situation.

“You are an imposter too.  Did you think we would not recognize the voice of the one who called out?”

“Oh quiznak.” All 6 of the Paladins said in unison.  They could also hear Shiro face-palm through the comms.

The two guards began to fire at the three standing in front of them.

“We’re on our way,” Keith said as the rest of the group ran to support their other members in the field.

Lance, Hunk, and Pidge managed to avoid being shot and were able to take the left guard down.

“Leader, we have a situation!” the right guard yelled before firing once more at Lance.

Lance wasn’t able to get his shield up in time and braced himself to get hit all the while thinking-

Oh please don’t let me get hit by another weird space thing.

And he wasn’t.

“Lance?  Where are you?” Hunk looked around but didn’t see his friend.

“Did Lance get hit, Coran?” Pidge took down the right guard.

“No, he’s still there with you.”

“Down here!”

The others had joined the group at that time and looked down.

“I guess I thought myself small so I wouldn’t get hit,” Lance said.

The others started to approach but stopped when the remaining member of the Morris Day 6 emerged from the tent, holding Prince Apollonia in front of her as a human, err, alien shield.  She was holding a ray gun to his head.

“You take one step closer, and Princey here is finished.” She said as she started moving towards the group.

Lance was still slightly dizzy from suddenly changing height.  He was also on the ground in the space between his team and the leader of the Morris Day 6, who was unaware of his presence.

Keith was torn.  They had a mission to do, but if they moved, the leader would kill the Prince.  But the leader kept getting closer to Lance, and they couldn’t warn him to get out of the way without alerting her to his presence.  If he tried to attack her, she could kill the target and the ensuing fight could kill Lance.  Even though it was a simulator, Keith didn’t want Lance to feel what it was like to die.  Even if it wasn’t permanent.

Finish the mission, or protect Lance?  Mission?  Lance?  Mission?  Lance?  Why is Lance in my thoughts so much?  There has to be a way I can protect Lance without jeopardizing the mission.

Keith didn’t have to worry about that choice in the end.  The leader was suddenly flipped onto her back as she let go of the Prince.  Standing in front of her was Lance at his normal height with his right fist raised to the sky.

“And boom goes the dynamite!” Lance said.

“How did you…?” Allura started to ask.

“Oh, I just thought myself big again.  And it was so cool!”

“Yeah, and we saved the Prince.”

“I thank thee all for thy bravery and courage.  Now, I must returneth home to Lake Minnetonka along First Avenue.  I pray that we meeteth again on a better occasion.”  Prince Appolonia spoke before disappearing.

“Woohoo!  We won the simulator.”  Lance yelled out.

A red X suddenly appeared over everyone’s head.  

“What does that mean, Pidge?” Keith asked as he poked at the one over his head.

“That means we failed the simulator.”

“But we saved the Prince,”  Allura questioned.

“You did, yes, but Lance cheated,”  Coran said through the comms.

“How did I cheat?”

“By changing your height at will.”

“But the first time wasn’t intentional.”

“But the second time was.” Coran pointed out.  “While in the simulator, you need to act as you would in real life, not depend on the unique things that you can do while in it.”

“I would say that I used my resources wisely.”

“Wait, if Lance can choose his height at will in the simulator, does that mean we could too?” Hunk asked.

“I don’t see why that would be important,” Shiro said.  “Lance’s cheating means we lost.  We shouldn’t cheat the system.”

“Yeah, but if we can change our heights too, we could see from his perspective.”

“So, we could see what it’s like to be tiny?”  Keith asked curiously.

“Yes, exactly, Keith!” Hunk said excitedly.  “You guys can’t say you haven’t honestly thought about what the world looks like for him while he’s like this, right?”

“It’s crossed my mind a little bit,” Shiro responded honestly.

“I already have a bit of an idea what it’s like thanks to my link with the space mice, but it would be interesting to know more,”  Allura commented.

“I’m curious,” Pidge said.

“Me too.” Keith agreed.

“Well, if we all think ourselves tiny, we could see how Lance sees the world!”

“Maybe before we do that we could get Coran to change the scenery, to somewhere more familiar?” Lance suggested.  “It might help everyone be more comfortable.”

“Just a tic.”

Their surroundings fizzled out, leaving them in a black void.  Soon enough, they found themselves in the living room area of the Castleship.

“Does this work?”

“Yep.  Thanks, Coran.” Lance responded.

“So…how do we do this?” Hunk asked.

“I don’t know.  I was just thinking about not wanting to get hit by the guns.  Maybe think small thoughts?”

“Better than nothing,” Pidge said as she and the others all closed their eyes to concentrate.  

Lance soon saw his friends begin to shrink before his eyes.

“It’s working!  Keep going, guys.”

Smaller and smaller they became as they thought small thoughts.  Lance continued to stare down at them as they stopped.  They opened their eyes and shook away the blurriness of their vision.  As they looked up at Lance, they all back-pedaled, unprepared for how intimidating he looked.

Is that what I looked like that first morning when I almost… Keith thought.

“Oh my God,” Pidge said.

“Yeah, that’s intense.” Hunk commented.

“Oh, sorry.  Didn’t think about what I would look like from that perspective.”  Lance gently kneeled on the ground in front of them, though the ground still shook slightly.  “Is this better?”

The others nodded their heads.

“Is this what it felt like when you first shrunk?” Allura asked.

“That depends.  How are you guys feeling?”

“Intimidated,” Allura answered.

“Scared,” Keith said.

“Freaking out,” Hunk added.

“Nervous, but curious,” Pidge responded.

“Overwhelmed,” Shiro stated.

“Then you’re all definitely feeling what I did.  Don’t know if that’s good or not, but we all understand the situation.  Do you guys have any questions?”

“How do you handle all of those feelings?” Keith asked.

“I just try to focus on the happy thoughts and how nice it’s going to be to be back to normal.”

“Would you be willing to pick me up?  I want to know what it feels like.” Pidge asked.

“Um, sure,”  Lance said as he brought his hand down flat in front of the rest of the team.

“Is that what it looks like when we get ready to pick you up?” Hunk said with a hint of nervousness.

“Yeah…”

“Cause that’s kind of terrifying.”

“I’ve gotten used to it.” Lance shrugged.

Pidge hesitatingly climbed on his hand while Lance struggled not to twitch too much.

“Ok, I totally get what you were saying before, Keith.  It does feel kind of weird having someone climb on your hand.” Lance commented.

“Weird from my end too,” Pidge added.  

“Any other takers?”

“Sure.” Hunk said as he approached the hand.

“I’m in,” Keith responded.

“Me too,”  Allura said.

“Same here,” Shiro said.

Lance brought his other hand down as well so everyone could fit on them comfortably.

“You guys sure are a handful.”  He joked as he started slowly lifting them up to the counter.

“Good one, Lance!”  Hunk responded with only a hint of nervousness while the others *groaned* at the pun.  Hunk then decided to look down as the group was carried up.  “Ok, looking down was a mistake.” He said as he scooted back towards the middle of Lance’s hands.

“Yeah, it can be a bit overwhelming the first few times,” Lance commented.

“A bit?!” Hunk looked up at Lance.

“You didn’t think I got used to it just like that, right?” Lance responded.

He was extra careful as he placed his hands down on the surface.  He stayed kneeling while everyone stepped off.  He noticed that they were shaking slightly.

“My legs feel like Jell-O,” Pidge said.

“I feel like I just stepped off a rollercoaster,” Keith added.

“Really?  ‘Cause I was going a lot slower than when I pick up the space mice.  *gasp* Does this mean they feel like that whenever we pick them up?”  Lance worried out loud.

“No, if there was anything any of us were doing that affected the space mice like this, they would have told me,”  Allura answered.

“I think it’s just because we’re just not used to being this height,”  Shiro added on.

“Just give us a minute to get our counter, err, table legs, no, umm…” Keith’s face scrunched up in thought.  “Our land legs back.”

Keith looks cute like this.  I wonder if he thinks I look cute at 3 inches tall?

‘You already know the answer to that.  No.’

Yeah, I know he’s straight.  All the girls just flocked around him at the garrison.  And he never dated any of them, which just made them want him more.

‘Remember Gretchen Smith?  And how she only went out with you to try to make Keith jealous?  How she never actually liked you?’

Yeah, I remember how she was a total Beotch.

‘But you still felt like Keith took something from you, causing you to make up this rivalry, to try to prove you actually are worth something.  But you were never good enough on your own.  Even before you were shrunk you always needed help.’

Shut up!  I’m over Gretchen, and I’m over the rivalry.  Me and Keith are friends.  I wish we were more, but I know he’s straight.  There’s no way he would ever go out with me.  That’s never going to happen!

“Lance, are you ok?” Lance realized Keith was looking right at him.

“Hmm?  Oh, yeah, I’m good.  Just lost in thought.”

Hopefully I wasn’t doing a face journey.

“You guys find your land legs?”

They all nodded.

“Yeah, but I think I’m ready to be back to normal height,” Pidge commented.

The others voiced their agreement and thought themselves back to normal.  As soon as Hunk was back to normal height, he wrapped Lance in a hug.

“I’m so sorry if we’ve ever been too rough with you while you’re shrunk.”

“It’s ok, Hunk.  Once everyone got the hang of things it’s been fine.”

“We’re all going to try and be more gentle with you while you’re like this,” Shiro said.

“I agree.  Now, thanks to the simulator, we have a better grasp of what this situation is like for you.” Allura added on.

“Thanks guys, but you’re doing great already.  You don’t have to change anything, please.” Lance really wanted his friends to stop worrying about him.

“Alright, Paladins.  I’m going to bring you out of the mind meld now.” Coran stated.

Everyone closed their eyes for a few seconds and opened them back up to reality.  They blinked as their eyes adjusted.

Lance wished he could have stayed in the mind meld a little longer.  It was nice being back to his normal height, even if it was only a simulation.

Now back to reality with tiny Lance.  Wahoo.  Can’t you just feel the excitement?  At least my floating tray’s fixed now.

He managed to hide how he was feeling from the others.

“Who’s ready for lunch?”  Hunk asked.  “I made more pastelitos for the team per Lance’s request.”

“Yes!  Thank you, Hunk!”

Winner winner pastelito dinner!

“Lunch sounds good,”  Shiro said.

“We can continue to work with the simulator afterwards,”  Allura stated.

“I’ll meet you guys in the kitchen in a bit,”  Pidge called over her shoulder as she walked towards the console.  “I’ve got some updates for the simulator.”

“This is the first time we’ve used it and it worked fine.  How can you already have updates?” Keith asked.

“Just because something works doesn’t mean it can’t be improved.”

“Alright, Shuri.”  Hunk teased.

“That counts as your final guess, Hunk.”

“No, it doesn’t.  Come on Pidge.  It’s the last day of the bet.  Let me have another chance to guess your real name, please?”

“Fine.  One last chance after lunch.  Then we’ll see who’s 20 GAC richer.”

“Deal.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“It looks like the rain’s stopped,” Axha said as she looked up to the sky.

“I bet Kova’s glad it was only a small shower and not a downpour.” Ezor looked over at Kova who did not look happy to be in the rain, no matter how light it was.

Narti was petting Kova to calm him down while he perched on her shoulder.  A drop of rain fell from the thick foliage and landed right on Kova’s head, causing him to *hiss* and dig his claws into Narti’s armor.  She got an amused look on her face at this.

“How much longer do you think Lotor’s going to be?” Zethrid asked as she tried to help Kova calm down.

“He’s relaying the message to our allies on the neighboring planet.  There’s a lot of details to get down for the plan to work.  It could be a while.”  Axha answered.

“What even is the plan anyways?  Lotor hasn’t really told us much.  Maybe like 12% of the plan.” Zethrid wondered.

Narti shrugged making sure that Kova didn’t fall off her shoulder.

“The more people that know about a plan, the more likely things are to go wrong.  I’m sure he’ll tell us more when he can.” Axha said with blind trust.

“I stopped trying to figure out Lotor’s plans a long time ago.  All I heard was that we got the rest of the quintant to relax and that’s exactly what I plan to do now that there’s a break in the rain.” Ezor commented.

They continued walking through the forest until they found themselves on a ledge overlooking a lake.

“Do you think it’s safe to swim in?” Ezor asked as she looked down.

“One way to find out!” Zethrid quickly ran up behind Ezor and lifted her into a princess carry.

“Zethi, what are you doing?” Ezor laughed as Zethrid ran closer to the end of the ledge.  “Babe, stop, no, no, no!  Wooooh!” Ezor continued to laugh as she clung tighter to Zethrid as she lept off the ledge and down into the lake below.

Narti and Axha looked over the edge and saw Zethrid and Ezor resurface in a fit of giggles.

“Come on you two!  The water’s great!” Ezor called up.

Axha and Narti both took a step back from the edge.

“Do you want to go first, Narti?”

Narti pointed at Kova who was just not having it.

“Come on, Axha.”

“Yeah, stop being such a stick in the mud!”  Ezor and Zethrid continued to taunt from below.

“See you down there, Narti.”

Narti and Kova both nodded in response to Axha before starting down a path to the shoreline below.

Axha stepped onto the edge and took a deep breath.  She dove off the ledge and did a nearly perfect swan dive.

“Nice, Axha!” Ezor commented when she resurfaced.

“Show off.”

Axha splashed some water in Zethrid’s face in good fun.

“Oh, it’s on!”

By the time Narti and Kova found their way down to the shore, it was a full-on splash war.  Narti managed to find a relatively dry patch of the forest floor for Kova to lay in before joining the others.  It had been a while since they had had an opportunity to relax and they planned to enjoy it as long as possible.  

Half a varga later, they were all floating aimlessly in the lake.

“It’s too bad we weren’t able to grab him before his team found him,”  Zethrid commented.

“Yeah, there was no way he could get out of that box on his own.  It would have been perfect if we’d just been a little closer.”  Ezor added on.  “Now they’re going to be more protective of him.  That just made our job that much harder.”

Narti nodded her head in agreement while Kova *meowed* back on the shore.  

“They’re still going to take him with them on the lower risk missions though.  Maybe we could do something with that?”  Zethrid suggested.

“That’s what the setup on the last planet is for.  We’re going to give them a reason not to take him with them on any missions.”  Axha explained.  “That way, we can take him from the ship while the rest of their team is outside of it on the low-risk mission without having to worry about deactivating the ship’s particle barrier.”

“Why does Lotor always tell you more than the rest of us?” Zethrid asked.

Axha shrugged her shoulders.  “I’ve been working with him longer than the rest of you.”

“True,”  Ezor responded.

“Maybe we should head back to the ship.  It’s almost lunchtime.” Zethrid suggested.

“Yeah, my fingers are starting to get wrinkly,” Ezor added.

The group headed back towards the shore.  Narti shielded Kova from Zethrid as she shook herself dry.

“Uggh.  I hate how humid it is on this planet.  It makes my fur go all poofy.”

“Aww, but I love your poofiness, babe,” Ezor commented.

“How am I supposed to be intimidating when I look like a walking ball of fluff?  The other planet was nicer.  All that warmth and not nearly as much humidity as here.”

“Yeah, but at least it rains here,” Ezor responded.

Kova *hissed* at being reminded of the rain.

“I think Kova agrees with me that the other planet was better.  What about you guys?”

“I like this planet better.  You can’t exactly go swimming with that tall grass everywhere on the other one.” Ezor said.

“I like this one too.  There’s more cover with the forest here.” Axha voiced her thoughts.

“What about you, Narti?” Zethrid asked.

Narti shrugged her shoulders.

“Oh come on, Narti.  You can’t leave it at a tie.  You have to pick a side!”

Natri shook her head with an amused look on her face.

“You can always ask Lotor, babe.”

“I could, but he’d probably say something about how it doesn’t matter which planet we like better since the most important one for the plan is the next one.”

“One way to find out.”  

“We can wait for him back on the ship.  It looks like another storm’s coming.” Axha observed as Narti picked up Kova and let him hide from the rain in her hood.

“Let’s see if we can beat it, for Kova’s sake,” Ezor said.

Kova *chirped* in appreciation.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The paladins were on their way back to the training deck after lunch.  The pastelitos had been delicious, but what else would you expect from Hunk?  Lance noticed that the others were walking slower than normal.

Maybe it’s because of a food coma.  I know I go slower when I’ve eaten a lot.

‘But they did ask if you needed them to walk slower so you could keep up with them on the floating tray.’

Yeah, and I told them no.  They’re just walking slowly cause they ate a lot, right?

Lance thought back on some other things that had happened during lunch.

Hunk had offered to lower the height the floating tray floated at if it was too high.  Lance appreciated the gesture but told him he’s fine with it where it is.  Hunk had said that if Lance ever changed his mind, he would help.  It seemed that after everyone got to see the world from Lance’s current perspective they had become more protective than they had become after he had almost suffocated in the jewelry box.

The rest of the team had gently encouraged Lance to stand further back from the edge of the table during Lunch.  This, even though to him it was like 5 ft. to the edge of the table.  He wasn’t about to fall off the edge.  He figured having to stand a little bit further from the edge really wasn’t that big of a deal, but they kept giving him worried glances and trying to act like they weren’t.  They were acting like helicopter parents.

He knows they care, and he’s glad they do, but there’s a point where it becomes overbearing.  He needs room to breathe and he just wants them to realize that he can handle himself while he’s like this.  But he doesn’t say anything.  Given enough time, things will go back to normal.  Everyone else will realize they’re worrying over nothing and pretty soon Allura will fix him and they can all just forget this ever happened.  It’s really not a bid deal, even if his thoughts keep circling back, planting seeds of doubt in his head.  He tries to ignore those thoughts as the group enters the training deck.

“Alright, Hunk.  This is your last chance to guess my real name.  Get it right, I give you 20 GAC.  Get it wrong, you give me 20 GAC.  What is my name?” Pidge asked, certain that Hunk wouldn’t be able to guess it.

“Ok, I thought about it all through lunch, and I think I’ve got it.  Katherine.”

“Is that your final answer?”

“Yes…no…uh…yes.  Final answer.”

“That is not my name.  Pay up, Hunk.”

“Aww.  What is your real name then?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“But you have to.”

“I never said I would tell you my real name if you lost.”

“Well, then how do I know you’re telling the truth?”

“Would I ever lie to you, Hunk?”

“Yes.  Yes, you would.”

“She’s telling the truth,” Lance said.

“Wait, you knew?  And you didn’t tell me?  Lance, you’re my best friend, how could you not tell me?!” Hunk dramatically responded.

“That would be cheating, Hunk,” Lance answered with a teasing smile on his face.

“We can go double or nothing if you want to try again, Hunk,” Pidge suggested with a smirk.

“Nope.  Trying to guess it was way more stressful than it should have been.”

“*hem-hem*” Allura cleared her throat.  “Perhaps we should be refocusing our efforts on training?”

Everyone agreed.

“Is there anything else the simulator can do?”  Lance asked.

“There’s a lot that it can do.” Pidge began explaining.  “One thing it can do is shift through someone’s memories and create scenarios based on previous situations they’ve been in.”

“Wait, it can look through our memories?” Shiro asked.

Pidge nodded.

“Would it be able to help me fill in the gaps in my memory?”

“It could help, but I don’t know if it could fill in every gap.”

“Maybe it could help you figure out the rest of the project name you’ve been trying to remember, Shiro.”  

“An excellent idea, Keith!” Coran exclaimed.

“That could give us the edge on Lotor,” Allura commented.

“Me and Coran can get that set up right now.” Pidge and Coran went over to the console.

Lance noticed a flicker of hesitation in Shiro’s eyes.

“Do you want to do this now?” Lance asked Shiro.

Shiro thought for a moment before responding determinedly, “I want to know what they did to me.”

“Is there anything the rest of us can do to help?” Lance asked.

“We could all go with Shiro through his memories as moral support.  If that’s ok with you, Shiro.”  Pidge responded.

“That might help, but I should be the one asking if you’d be ok with it.  There’s a lot of blank spots from both times I was a prisoner, and what I can remember is…not good.  They forced all of us prisoners to fight creatures we had no hope of beating.”

“Like Myzax.” Keith commented softly.

“Exactly like Myzax.  They would also force prisoners to fight each other in horrible situations where the only way out was death.  Yours or someone else’s.  It didn’t matter to them.  They wanted blood and a show.  They had us fight each other to discourage us from befriending the others and rebelling, I’m sure of it.  We never knew if we could trust anyone we were with.  All you could do is hope you wouldn’t be the one chosen to fight that day.  I can’t even remember how many I fought.”   Shiro’s voice cracked as he tried to keep his composure.

“We won’t let you face it on your own.”  Allura reached for Shiro’s hand.  “We’re a team.”  She squeezed his hand comfortingly.

“We win together,” Keith said.

“We lose together.” Pidge continued.

“We fall together,” Hunk added.

“We rise together.” Lance finished.

“I’ll get everything set up,” Coran stated.

“Are you guys sure you want to do this?  What you see might change how you see me.” Shiro was still giving them an out if they wanted to use it.

“Shiro, you’re our friend.  Also our Space-dad.” Lance received one of Shiro’s signature Space-dad glares at the comment.

“There’s nothing in your memory that would ever change what we think of you,” Allura assured him.

“Alright everyone, grab your helmets and we can get started,” Coran said.

Everyone got back in the positions they had been in earlier that day.

“If things get too intense for you Shiro, please let us know,” Coran stressed.  “I can bring you out of the mind meld splickety lit.”

“Thanks, Coran.” Shiro smiled slightly upon hearing Coran mix up the phrase.

Once more they found themselves in the mind-meld.  Lance was glad that he was the same height as the others again.  It was nice, even if it was only temporary.  All they could see was darkness.  

“Ok, so how does this work?”  Shiro asked out loud.

“Just think about something and the system should do the rest,” Coran answered from outside the mind-meld.

Suddenly there was a burst of bright colors and overlapping sounds.  No one could make out any of it.

“Try focusing on a specific memory.  You’re overloading the system!” Coran commented.

“Let’s start with something simple.  Maybe something that all of us were present for?”  Allura suggested.

The colors came more into focus and the sound became less muddled.  The team saw images of themselves from months ago.

{So what’s the plan?  We go in there and just *pow pow pow* and free the prisoners?}

{What was that noise?}

{Lazer guns.}

“I remember this!  This is from when we went to save Hunk’s girlfriend!” Pidge teased.

“She’s not my girlfriend.  At least, not yet, I mean, if she wants to be.  I don’t have the guts to ask.  What if she says no?”

“Come on, Hunk.  You’re a catch!  You just have to tell her how you feel.”

“You’re one to talk, Lance.”

“Hey, we’re talking about your love life, not mine.”

“Maybe we should get back to helping Shiro?” Keith interjected.

{Okay, enough with the bad sound effects.  Besides, it’s more like *blam blam blam*}

“Alright Shiro.  Try to focus on your time with the Galra.”  Allura said.

Shiro took a deep breath before everyone was surrounded by darkness once more.  Images began to fly by, faster than any of them could make out.  All they could tell was that there was a purple tint to them.  The sound of weapons clashing and people screaming filled their ears.  The images slowed down and started to go like a slide show, pausing for just enough time for everyone to see and hear.  An old man holding a sword standing next to Shiro.  The man dead on the floor, sword at his side.  The crowd chanting “Champion!”

Shiro tried to shake the memory away, not wanting to think about that moment.  He tried to focus on the memory of the project name, but his thoughts started spiraling out of control, getting louder and louder.

“Think of your happy place!” Lance yelled over the noise as everyone grabbed hands in a circle to try to ground Shiro.

They were suddenly in a new memory.

{I'm going to be a paladin again.}

{Oh, come on now. Do you really want to play a paladin? You could be something completely different: a maven, a mage, a cleric, a klazgool, a bard.}  

{Don't know what's more fulfilling than a paladin.}  

{You're already a paladin in real life!}

“Your happy place is playing Monsters and Mana?”  Pidge asked.

“More the part with being a paladin,” Shiro admitted sheepishly.

“Are you ok, Shiro?” Lance questioned between Keith and Hunk.

“Do you need me to bring you out of the mind-meld?” Coran asked.

“No, I’m good.  Just…forgot how intense some of my memories are.  I’ll be ok.  We need to figure out the name of the project.”

“Yes, but we do not wish to do that at your expense,”  Allura stressed beside Shiro.

“If you need time to catch your breath, we can wait,” Keith added from the other side of Shiro.

“We might be able to, but the universe can’t,”  Shiro stated.  “Every tic we wait is one more tic the Galra Empire has to destroy worlds.  The fate of the universe is in our hands.  I can get through this.  For the universe.”

“For the universe.” The others echoed.

Bright lights started flickering in the mind meld as Shiro tried to focus on the memory.  Then a memory of him being trapped with purple water starting to pour into the space.  Next, he was on a lab table with Haggar cackling in the background.  Then darkness.  It stayed that way for a while.

“Is something supposed to be happening now?” Hunk whispered to Pidge.

“Shhh!” Pidge and the rest of the group said in unison.

“This is a memory, just one that I wasn’t entirely aware during,” Shiro stated.

Everyone quieted down once more.  They heard a muddled *thump, thump, thump* getting closer.  Footsteps.  Heavy ones.  Probably guards.  The sound became less muddled as the guards seemed to stop in front of Shiro in his memory, though it still sounded like they were underwater.

{How long do you think this one’s going to last?}  *Glass tapping noise*

{Given what happened to the last one, I give it a movement, maybe less.}

Both of the guards laughed at the second one’s comment.

{And then we get to start over with the next one.}

Everyone tried to ignore the happy *sigh* the first guard let out.

{The witch’s project is ambitious, though the name is a bit obvious, I mean Project Kur-}

{Hey!  You’re not supposed to say the name in front of them!}

{They’re in stasis.  They can’t hear a word we’re saying.  Don’t let the witch get to you, newbie.}

{…It is a bit on the nose, though, right?  Project Kuron.}

{She could have thought of a better name for it, don’t cha think?}

Shiro suddenly let go of Allura and Keith’s hands and backed away from the circle.  His face was pale.

“You can bring us out now, Coran,” Allura said.

“Right-o.” It took Coran only a few moments to get everyone out of the mind-meld.

Just like before, they all had to blink to get their eyes used to the lights again.

Unlike before, Shiro was very much shaken.

“You know what that word means, don’t you, Shiro?” Allura spoke softly.

He nodded.

Everyone turned to him to hear what the mystery word meant and see why it had affected Shiro so much.

Shiro took a breath.

“Kuron means clone.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Realities without Lance: 122 (+2)

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[souleater1987]

Sticky Notes (FriendlyPack Fic)

Title: Sticky Notes

Pairing: Stan Wheeler x Jimmy Bending (FriendlyPack)

Summary: Stan and Jimmy had been boyfriends for a while now and Stan thought of a perfect 1st anniversary date for jimmy. He places sticky notes with clues of where he is. With their friends helping Stan with the idea. At the end of the scavenger hunt, Jimmy finds Stan wearing a blue tuxedo with his signature Fannypack standing on the place where they first met.

Disclaimer: It’s been months since i last write something. Hope it’s not too bad! ((Special thanks to @huffle-puff-ego and @missfeisty199 for the help))

Words: 2,668 words (Not including THIS and ABOVE)

“Sunflower?”

     He asked as he opened his eyes. The bed was empty and cold, missing a certain person. His eyes wondered around the room he was in, and then he stumbled upon a yellow sticky note on the pillow next to him. He picked it up and already recognized the handwriting that it belongs to his love. He smiled and whispered to himself the words;

  “Good Morning, Friendly.

  There’s breakfast ready for you in the kitchen!

  Drink plenty of water!

                                                           Love, Fannypack”

 He smiled and went towards their kitchen. He sat down and digs in the wonderful food his sunflower made for him, and of course drank plenty of water. After his stomach was full, he then noticed another yellow note sticking on the flower vase in front of him. It reads:

 “A water a day keeps the thirst away!

I know you’re confused right now from all 

 This notes but don’t freak out! I’m at the

 Hospital-“

  He didn’t even finish reading the note and quickly dressed up and went running out the apartment. He burst through the door scaring some people next to him. He apologized and ran to his car. Arms fiddling to unlock the car door while cursing out such colorful words. His heart beating fast and his mind thinking all the possible bad things that happened to his sunflower. Snapped out of it Jimmy! His fine.

  When the engine is on, he quickly drove towards the hospital. Ignoring the red lights and cars that are honking on his fast driving. He could probably be pulled by a police by speeding but that’s none of his concern at the moment. After what felt like an eternity, -when it was only 4 minutes thanks to his driving-, he finally arrived at the hospital. Bursting through the glass door, shocking some patients and nurses. Brenda, the receptionist, was on her place staring at what was happening. Trying her best to not full on laughing at Jimmy’s full on outburst. The man was yelling his sunflower’s name to people asking where he is and running from A to B. Brenda, with her amusement quenched, called the man over. Not even a second later, his already in front of her.

  “You bitch! Where’s Stan? You stole him from me did you!? Oh my fucking god! When I found him, I’ll kill you and-“

 “Jimmy, chill. Your boyfriend is fine. But he told me to give you this.”  She then gave him a yellow sticky note. And it read;

  “I’m sorry for scaring you! I didn’t mean to give

 You a heart attack! But remember all the times

 We were put here and waited for each other?

 Fun memories, I say!

 I’m at the police station! And no I am not in trouble!

                                                  Love, Fannypack”

He let out a sigh of relief. “Sorry about my sudden outburst, Brenda.” He said embarrassingly. She rolled her eyes and nodded. Pointing at the door and said, “Whatever, just go get your man or something”. Jimmy’s cheeks turn a slight shade of pink. His still not used to hearing someone pointed out that his in a full on relationship. His not thinking it in a bad way! Don’t get him wrong, his so proud that as amazing and handsome as Stan is his boyfriend. Hell, every time he and Stan went out holding hands, they’re not afraid to show it off.

  He shook his head, stopping the voices in his head to write a long ass essay of his life. He put on the ignition and head out to the police station. He turned on the radio to engulf the silence and continue driving. When he finally arrived at the front of the police station, he turned off the ignition and step out the car. The blue haired man walked in the door and saw Lieutenant Ziggy on the counter. The policeman waved him over.

 “Hey Jimmy, what brings you here-“

  “Ziggy, shut up. I know Stan said something for me so just zip it” He said and slammed his hands on the counter. The policeman sighed and gave him another yellow sticky note with the same handwriting. It said:

  “To be honest I have no idea why the next location is the police station.

 Maybe because it’s the only thing Ziggy would work for me.

 Anyway, I’m at the place where we did the you know what.

The cabbage picking. The parmesan. The not so legal.

Okay! The first house we robbed together!

                                                      Love, Fannypack”

   “You didn’t read this, did you?” Jimmy asked nervously. The incident was so long ago but it’s still a crime. The police man chuckled and said, “Even if I did read it or not, I’m not going to bust your ass. Just go and get your man before I change my mind”. He didn’t twice and went directly out the building. Went inside his car and drove the fuck out of there. The man let out a sigh and focuses on the roadway ahead. He noticed that the city is quite silent today, like nothing bad is happening. No cry for help, no ambulance sounds, and no police sirens heard. It’s weird to have a peaceful day in Los Santos. Not that he mind, just weird.

  He saw the house ahead and remembered the quite fun memories he and Stan had. Even though he almost traumatized Stan with him allegedly murdering the man who owns the house. It’s fun. He saw someone on the sidewalk and it seems its Eugene and Edna. He parked in front of them and waved.

   “Funny seeing you two here. Let me guess, Stan told you to wait here for me to arrive and give me a piece of note” Jimmy said to the two. “Hell no, we’re here because a man who looked like Stan is dead inside the house” Eugene said with glee. Jimmy’s face turned pale and nervously laughed. Edna quickly punched Eugene, “Ey! Don’t scare the poor boy with your shit!” She then looked at Jimmy who is still at the state of shock and slapped him, waking him up. “His just being his shitty self, Stan’s fine. Here” She gave jimmy the paper. “Just get out of here, I don’t want any witness when I kill this bitch” Eugene quickly ran away with Edna on his tail.

  “My first time doing something illegal! The adrenaline was

 Something! Remember when I yelled ‘Oh my god’ so many times

 When you killed a man? Good times. Oh, and you almost selling me crack?

 The friendliest crack dealer in Los Santos! I’m at the place where we almost died!

                                                               -love Fannypack”

   He shivered at the thought of the memory. The time when they turned into hostages. He turned on the ignition and drove to Polido Bank. He turned on the radio to silence the long drive to the bank. To his surprise, he heard Kiki’s voice in the radio.

  “Good Afternoon, you mothertruckers! Kiki Chanel in the house for your daily thirst quenching! Queue the applause..... I SAID QUEUE THE APPLAU- yayyyyyy. Okay, okay, okay. Before you get your daily bad choices of song, here’s a special message from Jackie chan himself! He said and i quote with his voice; Better hurry up before this motherfucker is dead!’ And here we have our special sponsors, Kiki’s KOC-“

  He suddenly turned down the radio and pressed hard on the paddle, increasing the acceleration of his car. Moving from left to right, avoiding everything that is on his way. Praying that he won’t get pulled over. After what felt like an eternity with his heart beating fast, he can finally see the bank ahead with Buddha or Jackie chan leaning on the side of the bank. With him are two people with a monkey mask and a bandana covering itself. He pulled over and walked hastily to them. 

  “Where’s Stan-“ he was cut off with a gun on his forehead. The man who has the gun tsked and shook his head. The other two who is with him chuckled, making Jimmy nervous.

  “Remember the time when you said they were boyfriends? And they denied?” The man with the monkey mask said to the bandana. He nodded and replied, “And now look at where we are now. The two supposedly not in a relationship are now lovebirds!” The bandana surprisingly shrieked in delight. Following the monkey and Jackie chan. Removing the gun off Jimmy’s forehead.

  “We’re just fucking with you, Velvet aurora!” Jimmy shivered at the name and corrected him with “Friendly”. Jackie Chan nodded and gave him the yellow note his been waiting for. Jimmy said his goodbyes and quickly walked towards his car. But not without hearing one of them say, “Go get that Water man D!”. Jimmy’s cheek reddened and drove off the bank. While driving, he swiftly read the note. 

  “The time when my life flashes before my eyes! In a bad way, i say! Still grumpy about them not buying my water. Anyway, remember when you threatened me? Yeah I’m there! 

                -Love, Fannypack”

   He checked his watch and saw it’s almost past 4 O’clock. He took off his sunglasses and started rubbing his forehead. “All of this stress better be worth it, Stan” He whispered to himself, but a small smile visible on his lips. He saw the familiar fence and the gate leading to the place where he ‘threatened’ Stan. 

   He gets out his car and walked down. He saw someone standing near the water, wearing a rather familiar outfit. A female police outfit and its pink hat. 

    “Sup, bitch” yep, that’s kiki alright.

 “Why are you here? And how the fuck do you know this place?” Jimmy asked the gorgeous woman. 

   “Well nice to see you too, asshole! Such toxic masculinity. At least someone thinks I’m gorgeous.” Kiki smirked at him. He rolled his eyes and put out his hand, gesturing for something them both already knew. 

   “You’re no fun. I’m planning on like putting it inside a bottle and throwing it in the water and you sacrificing your life to get it or something” She said and simply shrugged at Jimmy’s shocked face. 

   “Anyway, out of all the places you, Stan, and I went to. Why this place?” Kiki asked. Jimmy shrugged and looked the other way, avoiding her eyes. “How do i know?” 

   She scoffed at his response and replied, “Because you’re his boyfriend? I can’t even believe Stan choose you over this bomb ass pussy! Huuuuuuuuuuuuuu” Then started dancing seductively. Jimmy pretended to gag and vomit. 

    “HOOOWWWW DAAAAAARRREEEE YOUUUUUU- here, I’m done with this toxicity of masculinity! This bomb ass pussy is out!” After she thrown the piece of paper to Jimmy, she sashayed away with her hips going left and right with her middle finger in the air. “Don’t forget to use protection and lots of lube!” She yelled. Jimmy quickly grabbed the paper flowing in the air before it hit the wet ground. He fixed his posture and read it out loud; 

   “A place where we’re merely strangers

   Introducing Jimmy and Stan

  Never thought they’ll be lovers

The friendly crack dealer and the water man

     Where am i?

                     -love, Fannypack”

   Jimmy’s chest felt so warm. The feeling is like when they first met. How such a middle aged man that is so naive and innocent ended up with a guy like him. He felt the tears coming up but quickly hold it. It’s not time yet. He pocketed the paper, along with the others, and went to his car. Jimmy started heading to the place he never though a love story would start. 

   While his driving, he can see the sunset shining through him. Letting the final ray of sunshine warmth him. Remembering the time when he and Stan went out to eat burgers and watched the sunset together. It may not seem like a date but it is to him. Oh how he wished his brave enough to tell Stan his feelings that time. But that doesn’t matter right now, because they’re together and happy. He’ll get even happier when he finally sees his sunflower. 

  His nearing at the destination and can see what seems like a curtain blocking the parking lot? Is that legal?

  He slowly parked near the destination and get out the car. He looked around, trying to find his love but no luck. He sighed and leaned on the side his car. He took out his cigarette and lighter, and was about to light it when he heard a very familiar voice. 

   “Didn’t you promised you’ll stop smoking?” 

  Jimmy’s eyes widen and looked up. His cheeks reddened and mouth opened, letting the cigarette fall out his mouth. There in front of him shows Stan Wheeler, wearing a blue tuxedo with a matching blue fanny pack. Some black shorts and black fancy shoes. His blonde hair was gelled back making him look somewhat fancy. His hands behind him fidgeting a bit and his eyes looking around, avoiding Jimmy’s covered eyes. Perfect timing, the final sunrise set on Stan making him shine. Making him looked like a literal sunflower that is blue all over. 

  “Uh-uhmm.. h-hi ji-jimmy...” Stan let out a genuine smile. Then suddenly the carpet behind Stan fall revealing such a beautiful sight. It was a beautiful sight when it got caught off by Stan screaming “GOD HELP! THE CARPET HAS DEVOURED MY EXISTENCE!!! HELPPPP!!”. 

   Jimmy chuckled at his clumsiness and helped him get out the carpet monster. -As that Stan called it-. Stan’s head is finally out, so does the rest of his body, and didn’t realize that Jimmy’s face is so near his. It’s so close that them both can feel each other’s breath. Both men has their cheek blushing. Even after a year dating, these two still get flustered over each other. 

 Jimmy helped Stan up and looked back the beautiful sight. There was Christmas lights attached above lighting over a fancy table with food and of course water. An inflatable balloon on the background spelling “Happy 1st Anniversary Stimmy by Kiki and friends”. 

   “So that’s why all of them are both so cryptic and extra stupid” Jimmy said to Stan. He nodded and gestured to the fancy table. They sat down and started talking about times they’re together and being themselves to others. They can hear some locals walking passed them but Kiki threatening them out loud outshine it. With Ziggy and Brenda trying to stop her from killing someone, Eugene and Edna film the whole thing, and other of their friends laughing. It may looked like they’re invading both of their privacy but without those people, none of this would’ve happened. 

  “I’m so lucky to have them, and also you Jimmy” Stan said. 

  “Don’t be such a sap!” The water man giggled at his response. “Oh! I almost forgot!” Stan then went under the table and let out a present. 

  “Wait, I didn’t get you anything!” Jimmy started panicking but Stan beat him to it and told him its fine. Stan gave the gift to Jimmy, who’s still sulking over not giving him a gift. Jimmy slowly opened the wrapped gift and saw... a water bottle? 

  “Uhm, Stan?” 

  “Look at the brand!” Stan said with excitement. Jimmy raised his eyebrows and looked down. It said, “Friendly Water!”. 

  “You and I are now business partners for my water business!” Stan said with glee. “Aren’t I already am with me driving you all over town?” Stan shushed him and told him that it’s beside the point. Jimmy chuckled at his silliness and stared at him with so much love. His so lucky to have such a wonderful and handsome man like Stan. 

 “I’m so lucky to have you too Jimmy” Jimmy laughed and realized he said it out loud. With the stars and moon shining above them, and the chaos happening around them cause by their friends. Nothing would ever ruin such a beautiful night. 

  “Happy 1st anniversary, Sunflower”

  “Happy 1st anniversary, Sunshine”

[http-m0th]

look a this...

the “avengers: infinity war” release date and “avengers: endgame” release date

.

.

.

tHIS MOTHERTRUCKERS DIDN’T EVEN GET US A FRICKING YEAR TO RECOVER FROM INFINITY WAR EVENTS!!

WHAT THE FRICK?!?!?!?!?!?1?!?!?(ONE)?1?!?!?!

CAN Y’ALL HEAR MY SCREAMING?!?!

.

.

.

i am really not ready to watch this movie....

[vestwings]

*   Vine  Sentence  Starters

001.    ❛   I got the power of God and anime on my side!  ❜   002.    ❛   I coulda dropped mah croissant!  ❜     003.    ❛   Mothertrucker, dude, that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick.  ❜     004.    ❛   Your butt looks really flat in those jeans.  ❜   005.    ❛   I spilled lipstick in your Valentino bag.  ❜     006.    ❛   Can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?   ❜   007.    ❛   Oh my fuckin' god, she fuckin' dead.  ❜   008.    ❛   GUYS GET OUT OF THE WAY, IT'S THE LORD.  ❜     009.    ❛   Girl, you're thicker than a bowl of oatmeal.  ❜   010.    ❛   Dad look, it's the good kush.  ❜   011.    ❛   I thought you were bae, turns out you were just fam.  ❜   012.    ❛   I'm ready to die anytime, any place, for any reason.  ❜ 013.    ❛   I think I know more about American Girl than you do, genius.  ❜     014.    ❛   I ain't never gonna stop loving you, bitch.  ❜     015.    ❛   This is why Mom doesn’t fucking love you!  ❜   016.    ❛   Are hot dogs sandwiches?  ❜   017.    ❛   You messin’ with my truck dipstick?  ❜     018.    ❛   I nurture my skin.  ❜   019.    ❛   I WON'T HESITATE, BITCH.  ❜     020.    ❛   Next time you put a hand on me Imma fuckin rip your face off-  ❜   021.    ❛   Ah, fuck. I can't believe you've done this.  ❜   022.    ❛   I don't have enough money for chicken nuggets.  ❜   023.    ❛   LET’S MC’FREAKIN’ LOSE IT!  ❜   024.    ❛   That’s what good pussy sounds like. ❜   025.    ❛   I said, whoever threw that paper, your mom’s a hoe.  ❜   026.    ❛   Do you ever just... Wake up?  ❜   027.    ❛   Honey, that’s a flyer for lawn service.  ❜   028.    ❛   I got my hat on backwards and I’m ready to fuckin’ party.  ❜   029.    ❛   YO HOLY SHIT HE DEAD!  ❜ 030.    ❛   I was trying to pass away all night.  ❜

[corgisocks]

(i know there's a lot, but i couldn't help myself..) 6, 14, 15, 19, 22, 25, 31, 33, 36, 40, 46, 48, 55, 60

i am so ready 😤

6, 14, 31, 40, and 46: already answered

15. what songs give you the most nostalgia? 

anything by blue oyster cult/the beatles/metallica/red hot chili peppers/talking heads/pink floyd (especially animals & meddle). i also get really nostalgic for bollywood music (my dad has a playlist of favs which i love) and soundtracks from video games i played as a kid19. how did you feel about music as a kid?

i’ve literally always loved music. like my life’s been centered around it for as long as i can remember. i felt the same then as i do now; that’s really all i can say.

22. singing in the shower or singing in the car? 

vroom vroom mothertruckers

25. what is your singing voice like? what singers do you remind yourself of?

my singing voice is weird as fuck. my range is a2-d6 but i’m bad at using it. my falsetto sounds like that of those guys from the bee gees, my chest voice is weak, and my tone is mediocre.

people have compared me to freddie mercury and adam levine before. they are very wrong as their voices are so distinct that they can’t warrant comparison lol.

33. do you have any favorite composers, including classical ones? 

too many! (hitomi sato, frederic chopin, go ichinose, toby fox, yasunori mitsuda, michael giacchino, nobuo uematsu, and shoot i can’t think)

36. what are some songs whose lyrics you relate to?

save me (muse); subterranean homesick alien, videotape, decks dark (radiohead); pale september (fiona apple)

48. name the last 5 songs you listened to. 

easier (mansionair), yellow (coldplay), lonesome street (blur), ingenue (atoms for peace), & tap out (the strokes)

55. would you ever want to have a career in music? 

i always kind of have wanted to. i really want to be a producer one day (shh don’t tell anyone)60. how has music affected you as a person?

it’s affected me to the point where i’d be a completely different person without it. like…all those hours practicing piano and playing for the school band and listening to and analyzing music…idk what i’d have replaced em with; music has affected me so much that idk what i’d be like without it. all i can say for sure is i feel like i’d be kind of empty without music, if you catch my drift. 

send me music asks!

[rruralroy]

Hey mothertruckers its rant time

So I have a slew of mental problems, yknow, the usual, and one relatively major physical health problem. For years (I'm talking since I was 14) I've had thyroid problems out the wazoo, and early this year, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease. Now, for those of you that don't know, here's a quick rundown on thyroid stuff:

Hyperthyroidism: metabolism goes too fast

Hypothyroidism: metabolism goes too slow

Hashimoto's: fuck you I do what I want, I also make your thyroid attack itself

Now, we found this out only early this year because I finally started seeing an endocrinologist rather than just my family doctor, and the person I got on my first appointment was a lovely woman named Dee. She's the one that told me I had Hashimoto's, and you could tell by the everything about her, she was ready to console a scared 21 year old about an autoimmune disease. However, thanks to my lovely mother and her genetic pool, I kind of saw something like this in my future, and wasn't scared, but uber duber confused. How could my thyroid go hyper- and hypo- and the same time? Is there a special medicine? I've been on the same meds for almost seven years what if that screws me up? I asked question upon question upon question and she answered them all, and was very honest too, sometimes giving me answers like "well honey hashimoto's isn't a very well-understood disease so I can't tell you anything exactly, sometimes it's a case-by-case basis, but these are some options you can do." That day I left the office knowing two things: one, I had Hashimoto's disease, and two, I was fine, it was whatever.

However now we get to the actual ranty part of this post, and if you want to skip past everything else, here's a TL;DR in image form:

On my next visit to the office five months later (the first visit was during winter break, the next the beginning of this summer), Dee was not there, but that was whatever. I liked her, but I'm sitting here thinking "well all these people are professionals and specialists about thyroids, I just have to tell them all the same stuff I told Dee, with my additional problems." My additional problems, you may be wondering? Sudden weight gain (normal amongst thyroid problems, but I had started eating healthy and exercising so I was very confuddled) and sudden super high blood pressure (I'm talking 150/100, not good shit my friends, which is not common in thyroid problems). But in a weird way, I was excited to see someone new this time, not that I don't love Dee, but it's just always good to hear more opinions.

Correction: its always good to hear more opinions from people who know what they fuck they're talking about.

So after the nurse comes in and does the basic questions and whatnot, here comes this younger doctor fella, and I think to myself, "ooh, a younger doctor fella, he might have some Sweet Fresh knowledge on Hashimoto's that Dee might not have had." This was not the case.

He looks at my bloodwork and notes how it's odd that I seem to have readings for both hyper- and hypo-. I tell him I have Hashi's. He dismisses it completely. He asks what I came in for. I tell him about my weight gain (despite the lifestyle change) and high BP. He looks at my list of meds, thinks for about ten seconds, and tells me "the weight gain is probably from birth control. Keep up the lifestyle changes and you should lose the weight. As far as your blood pressure, cut back on caffiene, especially pops, and salt." I try to explain to him that I've been on the same birth control for six months and am only now experiencing weight gain, I don't drink pop, I drink one cup of coffee a day, and I don't eat a lot of salt. He just???? Repeats the same advice, and tells me maybe I should change my birth control.

This was only a month and a half ago, and I was already pissed then because he assumed by my weight I wasn't healthy (I mean, I'm not, I have an autoimmune disease, but this isn't the kind of healthy or unhealthiness he was referring to). Now, in the present, today, I'm EVEN MORE PISSED because a friend of mine opened my bespectacled eyes.

I was talking about my recent bloodwork, and she brought up some stuff about her thyroid and some concerns she had. I was giving her my spiel that I give everyone about thyroids, and also brought up that second doctor visit because it was reminiscent of an experience she had with her family doctor, and how I was just so confused about how some doctors can be so dumb. And then she said it:

"It's because we are women and overweight so they dont take us seriously."

And I was like. Holy shit. It never once crossed my mind that I was a woman. When I walk into that office the only thing I think of is "hello, my thyroid is a piece of shit, please help." It never crossed my mind that I've been overweight my whole life. I didn't think my gender and my weight mattered so much when my thyroid is literally trying to destroy itself. But there it was. That was why I had the least helpful doctor visit ever. Because women are always complaining about their weight, right? And well, they never want to take responsibility for it, they always want something medical to blame, right? And I just. Holy fuck. I'm just really tired of male doctors dismissing female patients.

I guess that's the moral here kids. If you have a uterus (or, even if you don't have a uterus and present as female, I'm sure it's still just as bad if not worse in that case), get a doctor with a uterus. Unless you know a doctor with a penis like, really well, like they're a family friend or you know them or something, just get a doctor with a uterus.

[colormemused]

i was just getting ready to bunker down and crank out the homework that i thought was due tonight

BUT IT’S DUE NEXT WEEK

TIME FOR SOME REPLIES MOTHERTRUCKERS!!!