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stxleslyds · 4 years ago

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Also, the writers' failure to understand, every crime Jason committed had a motive. Attack other criminals? Holy warrior destined to purify the world of evil. Attack Bruce? Joker's still alive. (Oh, Jason, it's much worse than that.) Attack Tim? A parody of what he once was. He wasn't just a "bad boy". He was dangerously insane.

Hi, Anon! Yup, there seems to be a lot of things that writers have gotten confused about Jason Todd/Red Hood and the biggest one is his motivations to kill certain criminals.

Let’s be honest, Judd Winick set a golden path for the upcoming Red Hood writers. But each and every writer that used Red Hood in their stories completely missed the point of Jason’s character. All of them. It’s so incredibly wild to me that every other writer read UtRH and came up with whichever version of Jason they came up with.

Let’s list the writers that completely missed the point.

Geoff Johns in Teen Titans vol.3 #29.

Geoff Johns was one of the first to completely mischaracterize Jason, why on earth would Jason go to the Titans Tower to beat up Tim? This is not me saying that Jason would never do that because Jason thinks of Tim as his brother or a friend or the person that he can trust the most from the Bat-Clan (can you believe Lobdell tried to sell us that one?), this is me saying that Jason wouldn’t have done that because he couldn’t have given less of a fuck about Tim’s existence.

When Jason found out that Bruce had another Robin he wasn’t bothered by his “replacement” he was mad at Bruce for having another child playing hero after he lost his life as a fifteen-year-old. Jason didn’t even think of Tim as his replacement as fandom likes to make us believe, Jason called Tim “pretender”. And that was that, but to go from minimal recognition to go out of his way to beat him up at Titans Tower is a massive mischaracterization.

Paul Dini in Countdown (to Final Crisis).

Paul Dini in Countdown did absolutely nothing with Jason, I am sorry but that’s all he did. Him writing Jason was like watching a dog trying to catch their own tail. He started with a pretty basic take on UtRH Jason, then he added a bit of Jason being an annoying man with Donna, then we had the jealousy arc because apparently, Jason had the hots for Donna but she didn’t want anything to do with him and he was all angsty when she paid attention to Kyle instead of him, and then, later on, he had that whole Red Robin bullshit (I am sorry about this, but I absolutely hated that, it was so dumb, I am so glad it didn’t last long because it was just too bad), and after all that mix of just not interesting stuff he went right back to the Jason that he had at the very start. It was a waste of time, but I guess that he had to be there because he was an anomaly and all that. I just think that was DC’s first try at making Jason Todd/Red Hood something more than just a street-level vigilante and they failed miserably.

Tony S. Daniel in Batman: Battle for the Cowl.

Even though the first two did make mistakes with Jason’s characterizations, this man was the first to just throw UtRH out of the window and make up his very own version of Jason Todd. And his version was horrendous, that Jason had no problem with attempting to kill children and innocent people, he also really wanted to be Batman because Gotham needed a Batman and he wanted to be the person to wear the Cowl and he was looking for a Robin for himself.

I know, the whole concept is the perfect opposite of what Jason Todd and Red Hood were in UtRH. Every aspect of BftC Jason is based on nothing.

Jason wanting to be Batman because Gotham needed Batman is just the beginning of what’s wrong in this book. Jason became the Red Hood (in part) because he believed that Batman and his ways weren’t what Gotham needed so he made a better version of Batman with Red Hood (according to him) because Red Hood did what Batman refused to do. Another thing that is just wrong is Jason wanting, Damian, Tim or Dick to be his Robin, there is just so much wrong with this, first of all, Jason wanted Batman to stop having Robin because child soldiers ran the risk of dying at a very young age and that’s exactly how he saw the whole thing because that was what had happened to him. Second, if Jason was mad at Bruce for getting another Robin why would he now want one of his own to team up with his Batman? Damian was a child, Tim was someone that apparently Jason hated (because Jason beating Tim was mentioned in this event), and then Jason actually asked Dick Grayson, Nightwing, to be his Robin? Listen, there is no way that was Jason, nothing about him makes sense, even taking into account that Jason had beaten Tim already in this event Jason actually tried to kill both Tim and Damian (it might have been just one of them but yeah, it still doesn’t make sense).

I just don’t think that Tony S. Daniel knew who Jason Todd was, maybe he got confused but the thing is, his “villainous” and deranged version of Jason Todd allowed a villainous and deranged version of Red Hood to happen with the next writer that I will be talking about.

Grant Morrison in Batman and Robin vol.1 #3-6.

This was the birth of the villainous, deranged and bloodthirsty Red Hood. There is absolutely no trace of UtRH Jason here, not even if we are looking at the opposite of things like we could do with Daniel’s Jason. Grant Morrison wanted Dick and Damian to have a villain to match their Batman and Robin and they decided to give us a red-haired-pill-headed-red hood. Everything from Morrison’s characterization of Jason is crazy, from the red hair (hello pre-crisis) to the awful Joker’s Red Hood looking suit, everything was just weird.

I still don’t believe that was Jason, to be honest, I would rather think that version of Jason was actually a rouge Skrull that came all the way from the Marvel Universe and lost his way in Gotham City. Maybe when he made the jump between universes, he got too much information and got confused and took the form of the wonkiest Jason Todd he could come up with.

This Jason was absolutely deranged, he knew exactly what he was doing and he didn’t care if innocents died. This Jason was the one that got locked up in Arkham. This is the Jason that Dick put in Arkham for Jason and everybody else’s safety.

Dick putting that Jason in Arkham wasn’t a bad thing or something that anyone can use to shit on Dick Grayson (not on this house). This Arkham was reformed and that Jason knew that if he stayed in that new Arkham he would stay away from trouble, but here is the thing, that Jason loved trouble, so he took all the tests to prove he wasn’t insane and asked to be transferred to Blackgate (where all the Red Hood’s enemies were). That Jason didn’t ask to be sent to Blackgate because the Joker was a cell away from his in Arkham, he did it so he could go on a killing spree in Blackgate (which he did when he got there).

Skrull Jason was just bloodthirsty and nothing like UtRH Jason, he had no motive other than just killing for fun or whatever. He didn’t want to protect Gotham and he couldn’t have cared less about the drug trade in Gotham. In Batman and Robin vol.1. Jason Todd was unrecognizable. And luckily, we never saw him again.

Scott Lobdell in Everything that he ever wrote about Red Hood.

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Lobdell was the king of overpowering Jason, he was the one that drove Red Hood farther and farther away from his street-level vigilante status. He continuously added more to him, he was a big deal because he was meant to take down Ra’s al Ghul, he was a big deal because he was the only human to train in the All-Castle and learned to summon the All-Blades.

This Red Hood’s morals and ideals were kind of gone, there just wasn’t any kind of interest in Jason to get rid of drugs or try to control its trade in Gotham, he just had no interest in street-level threats, everything was extraordinary in both New 52 and Rebirth. If he wasn’t in space he was in some mystical land. His friends and allies became even more and more powerful, his level of power was completely off compared to the others. His personality was ever-changing and quite honestly you could barely see the Jason that he once was.

This Jason also was very inconsistent in the way that he felt towards people (obviously because Lobdell is a shitty writer), he wanted to follow Batman’s rules and was shown as someone that still had fond memories of his life with Bruce before he died but was also willing to let those memories go, to move on? Maybe? I don’t know. But he changed his mind about Bruce and following his rules or not for a very long time. Jason was also a little bitch about Dick, and he was a little bitch because he (Lobdell) never gave the reader or anyone a concrete reason as to why he hated him so much and then in Rebirth he decided that Dick wasn’t that bad. Also, Jason went from “Willis Todd, abusive husband and father that deserved to die” to “Willis Todd abusive husband and father but he sent me letters when he was in prison and Penguin had him killed so now, I really want to avenge him”. Yeah, I don’t really know why that happened and like most of Lobdell’s arcs and stuff it was never really completed or well thought out.

Lobdell’s Jason characterization was a mess for ten years and that’s the prime reason why Jason is a character with no solid background, story or future.

James Tynion IV in Red Hood and the Outlaws.

Tynion’s Jason Todd was a hero, he was like a mini Tom King Batman. Everything he did was right and there was just no way that you could bamboozle him. This Jason was able to hold to Blades that drained his soul as well as hosting the Untitled in his body (that were able to drain his soul too) and on top of all that he completed his journey of the Chosen One by making those ancient martial arts moves that he learned before he was Robin even though Talia hadn’t been able to master it yet.

Scott Snyder, Tim Seeley in Batman Eternal and Batman and Robin Eternal.

A mess, this was pure New 52 levels of bullshit and they all just wanted to push the “Batfamily” and while Dick was gone, they were trying to make Jason fill the void that Dick left in Batman events. It didn’t work at all and all they did was mess around with Jason’s characterization more.

Geoff Johns in Three Jokers.

I have talked enough about Johns’ takes on Jason Todd and Red Hood, but let me tell you something real quick, if a writer thinks that the best they can do with a character is make them give up their morals/ideals for an unrequited love interest, then they can keep that idea for themselves. Geoff Johns wrote a book that was absolutely not needed and then proceeded to butcher every characterization that he could, Three Jokers was three issues long and he managed to add more trauma to Jason’s torture, push the narrative of Jason being at fault for his own murder and make Jason’s motivations to be the Red Hood weak enough to make him want to give up his work for a woman that he barely knows (and doesn’t like him at all).

Joshua Williamson in Future State: Red Hood and Robin #5.

Now, with Williamson I have issues only when he writes Jason, not because his stories are bad, don’t get me wrong, I would have completely enjoyed FS: Red Hood if it weren’t for the completely unnecessary Rose/Jason side plot he had going on. Jason was clearly working undercover for some people that he hated working with. He had to arrest or kill “masks” (vigilantes, just like he “used” to be) for the Magistrate.

His ideas were pretty solid, Jason did the job but he never killed the masks and actively didn’t trust the Magistrate but he was working there to tear them apart from within, and that’s amazing if Williamson had given us Jason Todd/Red Hood working undercover to dismantle an organization I would have been really happy.

But that’s not all he gave us, even if I just forget about his failed attempt at giving Jason a relationship, I can still see that Williamson is the kind of writer that wants (or is just following DC) to make the “Batfamily” happen no matter how dumb and out of place it looks in comics’ canon. So, I am a little bit weary, any writer that leans too much towards making Jason and Bruce work together and become a family makes me want to scream, but I do understand that is just me, many people want those two to be buddy-buddy, I, personally, would love to see Jason kick Bruce in the balls and tell him to lose his number.

Chip Zdarsky in Urban Legends: Cheer.

Ah, yes, I remember the days in which I thought that this could have been something good. Well, I was utterly wrong and I suffered all the way through this mini. I feel like now I can safely say that Zdarsky only wanted to write a Batman book but DC told him, “Hey you can write Batman but it has to be within a Red Hood story, but don’t worry, you don’t have to know much about the Hood guy, just come up with something and write Batman around that”.

I know that’s what happened because I read that story and all we got from it was horrible characterizations for pre-Robin Jason, Robin Jason, Jason Todd and Red Hood. I don’t know how he did it but yes, he managed to mess it all up.

From Jason not really wanting to be Robin and acting recklessly every step of the way, to secret desires of a perfect family with Bruce and so many other people that he couldn’t care about, Urban Legends: Cheer is the perfect book to avoid at all costs if you believe that the concept of “Batfamily” is the biggest lie, DC is trying to profit off this time around.

Zdarsky also nerfed Jason in ways that I thought DC only wanted to nerf Dick Grayson. But I was able to see that I was wrong. Zdarsky’s run also pushed some of the most disastrous narratives that DC really wants readers to believe like: Robin Jason wasn’t good at his job, he was too reckless and ultimately his death was his own fault. Yay! I want to cry!

I will give Zdarsky two points for at the very least showing that Red Hood wants to protect children and that he has a huge issue with how the drug trade is controlled and abused in Gotham City, it had been a while since we had seen that aspect of Jason’s Red Hood make an appearance.

It’s just too many writers completely missing the point of Red Hood’s character or simply writers agreeing to destroy Jason’s uniqueness in the DC Universe so DC (as the publisher) can further push the abomination that is the “Batfamily” in comics’ canon.

I do agree with you Anon when you say that Jason isn’t just a “bad boy” but I also don’t think that we can call UtRH Jason “dangerously insane”. Personally, I will only use that last description for BftC and Batman and Robin Jason, those two were dangerously insane indeed.

UtRH Jason was very meticulous in who he wanted dead and who got to live. He entered Gotham’s most dangerous world and he had to make a big entrance, he invited the eight most prosperous street dealers to a meeting, showed up with the decapitated heads of each of their right-hand men and an AK-47 and said:

“I am offering you a deal. I will be running the drug trade from now on. You will go about your business as usual. You will kick up forty percent to me. That is a much better deal than the Black Mask will give you. In return, you will have total protection from both the Black Mask and Batman. The catch? You stay away from kids and schoolyards. No dealing to children, got it? If you do, you’re dead.”

This was Red Hood! Red Hood wanted to control the drug trade in Gotham because he knew that Gotham is far too corrupt and filled with drug lords for him to just want to eradicate drugs from Gotham. If he had tried that he would have been a dumbass, but he wasn’t. He didn’t want to start a gang war and get innocent people killed because of it, he wanted to set the rules of his new Empire and he had to start with the street-level drug dealers, from there he grew until he became a major pain in Black Mask’s ass.

We went from Jason wanting to control the drug trade and take over Gotham’s underworld so people like Black mask couldn’t have people work for him (or being dependent on him) when they were still in high school or were in a vulnerable position, to Jason fighting a war for a mystic land because he was their “Chosen One”. DC really wanted to do something grand (yet boring) with Jason instead of sticking to a street-level vigilante that could have become a Drug Lord to control the drug trade of a city that is so filled with crime and corruption that it can’t be saved by anyone.

Batman doesn’t eradicate crime, he “controls” it, puts a blank it over it, lets it nap up until it wakes up once more to make more mess.

Red Hood had other plans, certain criminals didn’t get to nap, or, better said, they would get to nap forever.

So, no. I wouldn’t call that “dangerously insane”, I will call that “vigilante that believes himself judge, jury and executioner” of a city that is drowning in crime and corruption.

Anyway, I hope you have a really nice week Anon and thank you so much for sending me this ask!

#jason todd #red hood #under the red hood #red hood and the outlaws #dc comics #future state red hood #three jokers #bftc #asksss

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mianite-season-3 · 7 years ago

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Unofficial Mianite S3 - Chapter 15

Chapter 15 - It’s About the Journey

Tom was exploding with energy, and Jordan was not up for it this morning. He hadn’t slept well and he felt like his eyelids would soon become so heavy that he wouldn’t be able to stay awake.

“Joooooordan!”

He blinked and stumbled back. Tom was in his face, looking over him with a curious expression. “You look like shit, dude. What’s wrong?”

Jordan shoved him away, shaking his head. “I’m fine. Just tired. Can I borrow some of your energy, since you seem to have more than enough,” He snarked, and Tom grinned.

“I would if I could, man! I feel amazing, like I could fight a god or something!” The zombie man bounced on his toes and twirled his sword. Jordan felt drained watching him.

“Glad you are.” Gods, he was so tired. They’d been walking for what, an hour? He should not be drained like this, if he’d gotten a good night’s sleep. He was fed too, though fish and bread for a month hardly filled his stomach anymore.

Then again, maybe he wasn’t the anomaly. Everyone else had seemed at less than full this morning, and they had for the past week or two. This world had an energy that was different than the ones they’d been to before. It was heavy, dark, like thunder clouds hanging low overhead. The air was thick, making it hard to breathe and think properly. It made everyone want to seek shelter, stay inside and lie in bed—to wait until the clouds finally broke, because none of them wanted to be caught in the rain that wasn’t an if, but a when. Hopefully once it finally did, the sun would break through and they could finally be free from whatever it was that made them feel so strange.

Only Tom seemed to be able to resist the ever present weight on their shoulders, staying lighter than air. He wasn’t even aware of it, since the one time Jordan asked him about the bad feeling this world gave him, he didn’t understand. He pointed to the chaotic organization of the land as why he felt uneasy, rather than the oppressive feeling in his gut. Everyone else had known exactly what he was talking about, but Tom… didn’t.

“Do you really think we’re going to find anything out here, Tom?”

The Dianitee tilted his head, jumping down from a small hill and falling into stride next to him. “Well, I don’t really think we’re gonna find anyone that we’re looking for. It’s been a month, I think we’d have found something by now. But you never know, we might find someone else who can help us. Like pirates or something! Or like, an old temple that’s got a bunch of gear! Anyways, isn’t this better than staying at home? Fresh air’s good for you, since you look like death!”

That neverending optimism did make him smile slightly. While he’d love to see Ianite in this world, and speak with her, finding any clue about this world would also be good.

Hopefully Sonja would be able to get that at least. As much as he tried to hate Star as vehemently as his friends did... he couldn’t. Ianite stood for balance, and that meant he had to consider both sides. And weighing everything against each other, the evidence suggested that Star was a good person, albeit angry and with a short fuse. She hated Ianite for a reason, but he’d seen that before.

What killed him was that he wasn’t able to help directly. His presence would only serve to worsen the problem. It was the exact opposite of what Ianite was supposed to stand for. It made him a little sad to think about it.

“Ok, but Tom, Martha was sure you’d be able to track down Mot and Dianite somehow.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m trying, but I dunno how she expects me to do that. What, does she think I’m some kinda compass or something? It’s not like I can see souls like she can, so what the hell does she expect?”

Jordan shrugged. “She said because you’re a Dianite follower, you might have a connection.”

“That’s bullshit. If that was all it took, we’d have found all three gods by now!”

He shrugged again. “I don’t know. If you concentrate, can you feel anything?”

Jordan saw a flash of something appear in Tom’s eyes, but it disappeared before it registered. “I’ve never felt Dianite in this world, not once. Not even the other world’s Dianite.”

They’d been friends long enough for Jordan to know when he was blatantly lying. “Can you at least try? Who knows, maybe it’ll work this time,” he insisted, taking a seat on the ground himself. Tom made a face at him, but surprisingly didn’t put up too much of a fight before joining him.

“Fine. Just for you, Sparkly-dick, I’ll try.” he winked flirtatiously and Jordan rolled his eyes, leaning back and using his arms as a pillow. Might as well try to get some rest while he could. Within minutes, he was asleep.

Tom glanced back at his friend as he fell asleep. He may be loyal to his friends, but he was also loyal to his god. And Dianite had told him that he wasn’t to say a single word until he could gather enough energy... “Wait, what am I supposed to do?” Tom said out loud, frowning when Jordan doesn’t answer, due to being asleep. The Dianitee groaned, then crossed his legs, rested his hands in his lap and closed his eyes.

“Um, so, Dianite, if you’re around somewhere, can ya please show yourself? I don’t wanna have to find you.”

No response but a faint whistle of a breeze in his ear. “Come on, we’ve offered you literally hundreds of diamonds, that’s more than enough.”

A nerve in his right forearm twitched, and he winced. “Gods, this is pointless. You’re not around. I might as well be trying to talk to a ghost!” Tom sprang to his feet, energized with his frustration. He paced around, punching at the air to try and calm himself down. “Come! On! Dianite! You talked to me before, what the hell did you mean?”

He looked down at his hands, taking a breath. “You said to not abuse my power... but I don’t have any power!” he said it out loud, but part of him knew that wasn’t completely true. He remembered the incredible surge of power within the dream. It wasn’t real… but it was.

An idea. He sat down again, now a little ways from Jordan, and resumed his position. His lids fell and within the darkness of his mind, he summoned the image of the dream. The flames, suffocating. Them swirling into the visage of his god, terrifying and powerful. The words, spoken in a tongue he could only understand in a dream. The spark landing on his hand, and the incredible power blooming inside his body. The floating feeling that he was capable of anything, if he just put his mind to it. “I’m sick of fish and bread. If I could just have something else… an apple, or melon, or something!”

He concentrated, squeezing his eyes so tight that he saw stars and gave himself a headache. With eager anticipation his eyes flew open, and looking around, he saw…

Nothing. There was nothing laying on the ground, besides his friend a few meters away.

Tom moaned in annoyance. He tried so hard! What good was Dianite’s cryptic message if he didn’t actually get superpowers?

He spun around to wake Jordan. They should get going, they didn’t want to get caught at night with the millions of mobs. The flat field they were in wasn’t going to be the best to dig a temporary base into.

“Jordan? Jordan, wake up!” The older man groaned, batting at his friend. Tom rolled his eyes and shook his shoulder, but Jordan still didn’t rise.

“Jardon, get up!” Tom reeled back to kick Jordan’s foot, but before he could he heard a small “pop” come from behind him. He froze, the small sound had somehow reverberated within his entire body. When he finally managed to turn his head, he did not expect what he saw. A single apple, floating a few inches above the ground. Waiting. Tom blinked, sure that he’d just gone crazy. But it stayed. He closed his eyes for longer. It was still there when he opened them.

“Jordan! Holy shit!” He exclaimed, and that brought Jordan out of his nap. He squinted at Tom, irritated.

“What?”

“Look! Look what I did!” Tom pointed excitedly, and Jordan rolled his eyes before sitting up. They widened as he focused on what he was seeing. “W-What? Where did that come from?”

“I did it! I was just thinking really hard about wanting an apple and there it was! Hold on... I want... a million diamonds to rain from the sky!”

He threw his head up to the sky expectantly, but not surprisingly nothing came of it. Shrugging, Tom moved to scoop up the apple, taking a big bite out of it.

“Whoa whoa whoa, hold up, why do you get to eat it!?” Jordan’s eyes were intense, ready to pounce for something other than bread. He lunged for it, but Tom danced out of the way. “Cause I spawned it, so it’s mine!”

“How could you have spawned it?!” Jordan exclaimed, still trying to get the bitten apple.

“I dunno, how else does it exist?!”

“I don’t care, give it to me, Tom!”

Jordan was in a frenzy, and in the heat of the moment Tom’s only option was putting some space between them. Unfortunately for Jordan, that meant throwing a punch right into his solar plexus. The older man fell to the ground, suddenly unable to breath. He gasped, trying to drag air back into his lungs.

Before he could get back up, Tom shoved the rest of the apple into his mouth, nearly choking. That was... intense, especially for Jordan who was usually so collected. This world was getting to him more than Tom had thought.

“You... suck...” Jordan huffed as he started to regain air. “How did you even... do that?”

Tom shrugged. “I don’t know! I was just concentrating, and then I thought about how hungry I was, but that I didn’t want bread or fish, and then it just appeared, right there!”

Jordan blinked. “And it wasn’t, you know, a god or something that you just didn’t notice?”

“And they didn’t say anything? The gods are attention whores, Jordan, they always say something when they appear. If they didn’t, isn’t that weirder than me summoning it?”

He pursed his lips. “I guess... but, you’ve never been able to do that before!”

“Yeah, well, maybe you can too! That girl had a bunch of spawn eggs, remember? Maybe people in this world can summon items sometimes?” He didn’t sound too sure of himself, but it was the best suggestion he could come up with. Why else would he be able to summon an apple out of thin air?

“You try it!” Tom shoved Jordan forward, causing his friend to stumble. “If I can do it, you can too!”’ “But what did you do?”

Tom rolled his eyes. “I just imagined it was there, and then it was!”

Jordan shook his head, confounded. But Tom didn’t let it go, so he sat down and closed his eyes, focusing on materializing something. Anything. He squeezed his eyes so tight that he saw stars, but when he opened them again, there was nothing sitting in front of him. Tom patted his shoulder after a minute of waiting. “I guess I’m just special. Alright, c’mon, let’s go!”

“What?” Jordan asked incredulously, standing up and following his friend. He was re-energized by this phenomenon. “Tom, shouldn’t we think about this some more? You made an apple appear out of thin air! Aren’t you curious?”

Tom thought about it for a second, then shrugged. “Nah. Weird stuff happens, it’s whatever.”

That wasn’t the right thing to say, according to Jordan’s reaction. “What do you mean? Does stuff like this happen to you a lot?”

“No! I just meant, you know... look around! The land’s like this, why not summoning random items sometimes?” Tom lied. But now was not the time to spill to Jordan about the weird things that have been happening to him. “Now come on, we’re s’pposed to find Dianite and we’re not gonna do that if you don’t move!”

They continued on, and Jordan dropped it after Tom refused to answer any of his questions. But only for now. Tom was hiding something. That in itself wasn’t new. But there was something about how he was acting, how serious he kept getting, that gave Jordan a bad feeling in his gut.

He would get the answers from Tom, because it felt like they were racing the clock, and whatever Tom was hiding was the key to their victory.

#mianite season 3 #mianite s3 #saphira writes s3 #mianite #mianite season 1 #mianite season #mianite s1 #mianite s2 #next chapter is gonna be up soon enough #its already written #oh boy #i feel like i might make a few enemies

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impalafortrenchcoats · 8 years ago

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Coming Apart On Top of You : Ch 1

Author: impalafortrenchcoats

Chapter: 1/?

Summary:

Seokjin is trying to piece together a life while tearing down his past one brick at a time. Namjoon is fighting to build his future while struggling to handle the present.

It wasn't a very convenient time to fall in love.

And when the skeletons in the closet are much more literal than most, the challenges of their relationship could prove deadly.

Ships: Namjin, Jikook/Kookmin, Sope/Yoonseok

Categories: Hitmen + Assassins AU, Coffee Shop AU, Non-Linear Storytelling

Chapter Wordcount: 3223

AO3 Link: here

It was late morning in the cafe when the man walked in. The morning swarm had finally cleared, and it was now the quiet before the sad, desperate souls of the afternoon crowd came stumbling in for their pick-me-ups. This was especially true for the pencil-pushers of the surrounding businesses, who came and left in a haze of overworked dead eyes. It really made Hoseok question whether or not to go into business like everyone else. Well, that was a problem for the future.

In the meantime, he was busy killing time, slowly refilling the straw stand one straw at a time, all the while contemplating the next part of his scheme to woo his ever aloof coworker, Yoongi. The first part had gone relatively well. After three months of working together, Yoongi finally knew his name and was no longer fucking it up.

Hoseok indulged in a giant mocha macchiato with coconut milk that day to celebrate.

Now, step two, small talk.

Okay, maybe that was too much. Best not get too greedy. One should always set realistic goals for oneself. Maybe just saying ‘hi’. That sounded good.

As he set about testing out different tones for the procedure, the familiar chime of the door rang and a tall figure ambled into the cafe.

Hoseok brightened when he recognized the man as a regular. He had only been working in the cafe for about five months or so, and he had no idea when the man started coming in for his coffee. But one thing was for sure, the man sure knew how to get the staff’s gossip mill going. A primary contributor to the constant gossip was the fact that, to this day, no one knew the man’s name.

At some point he was just dubbed Tall, Pink, and Handsome by some of the female staff, and the rather apt name stuck.

Nowadays, almost everyone who took his order just scribbled TPH on his cup, and that was the end of that. The man didn't seem to mind, and if the stories were to be believed, had even thrown a ridiculously cute aegyo at the person who had finally explained the meaning to him.

Hoseok was in the minority who decided to have some fun with the nameless one. After some hardcore nosing around and an aggressive application of his sunshiny charm, he had found out that the man had a soft spot for Disney, and the princesses in particular. He now made sure to write down some Disney character’s moniker on the cup, and when possible, he always tried to add a little bit of trivia.

It wasn't something that he would usually do for someone who was essentially a stranger, but Hoseok was good at reading people.

And something told him that the man was due some harmless joy in life.

It was easy to see when the man noticed Hoseok looking his way as he immediately smiled and waved as he made his way over.

Not to be outdone, he did his patented impression of the sun and returned the smile with interest, “Well, look who decided to show up! I was starting to think you were cheating on us with that new coffee shop down the street.”

The man gave a whinnying bark of a laugh before trying to give Hoseok a stern glare. It was completely ruined by the twitching of his lips as he tried to contain the smile, “How dare you question my loyalty, you uncouth rapscallion. I’ll have you know I was on a business trip and was barely holding it together without my beloved coffee. Your coffee beans were haunting my dreams.”

Hoseok snorted at the honestly cringe-worthy melodrama, “Uh-huh. So what’s it going to be today?”

“The usual. I need to get this body back on its usual regime. Something, something, my body, my temple, you know the drill.” He waggled his eyebrows at Hoseok and leaned on the counter, straddling the lines between social dumbass and creepy uncle masterfully.

Hoseok had to roll his eyes before saying, “you are so freaking lame, dude. This is why you're still single, even with that face.”

“Does your manager know you speak this way to your best customer? And I'll have you know I'm hot shit. Civilizations have crumbled for less beautiful faces than this!”

“Let no one tell you you don't have self-confidence.”

“Who needs self-confidence when you got this face?” He even puckered his lips for emphasis.

Hoseok sighed and just called it quits. It was up for debate whether or not this guy was serious, and despite his people reading skills, he truly couldn't say. Instead, he just grabbed a plastic cup and said, “So, one iced almond latte, right?”

The man hummed his approval before trying to lean over the counter to get a better look at the cup. He asked, “What about you? What's it going to be today?”

Hoseok quickly pulled the cup away from view, “Nuh-uh. No peeking! You'll see it when the coffee's done!”

He then proceeded to scribble on the cup for a bit before scuttling off to make the drink. As he went about his business with heating up the milk, he could see the man loitering rather cheerfully by the pastries. The image of the man’s avid interest in the new batch of lobster-decorated cupcakes gave him the perfect inspiration.

He smiled to himself and added a few more scribbles to the side of the cup.

“How about a hint,” the man called. “The anticipation is just killing me.”

“You never heard of ‘delayed gratification’?”

“Wow. ‘Gratification,’ you say? Aren't you confident today. I'll have you know, I've been spoiled. It'll take more that a sad cat doodle and a barely legible ‘Mufasa’ to please me.”

“That’s it. No more business trips for you. You get too uppity after them for any one’s comfort. And what do you mean barely legible!”

“I'm sorry. Your handwriting is no good.”

“You wound me.”

“I'll leave a nice tip?”

“You heal me.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, and when Hoseok finally finished up the latte, he tried to make a heart in the foam, but it ended up looking more like a lopsided pear. Mr. TPH didn't seem to mind and quickly turned the cup around to see his writing.

Ariel

The dress worn at the dinner is a combination of all previous princesses’ dresses.

Hoseok felt the bright smile the man gave him was well worth the effort of trying to fit all that writing onto cup. He took a sip of his latte, before waving his thanks and slipping out the door.

Once again, Hoseok was left alone to wonder about the mysterious TPH. At least, Ruth would be happy to know the man had returned. A significant portion of the staff had been mourning the lack of handsomeness in their work life.

Oh, well. That wasn’t his problem. He really needed to get back to his game plan for Yoongi.

+++

Journal Entry 1

March 21, 2013

Okay, so how am I supposed to do this? This is a journal, just to be clear, not a diary. Fucking Seulji said this shit helps clear thoughts and shit, but I think it's just a girl thing.

Okay, fuck. I don't know. Hi, this is Park Jimin, I'm 21 years old, a dance major, oh, and most importantly, a royal fuck up. So much fucking up to be had, I have sowed and reaped the fruits of my fuckery. My crops of fuck ups is plentiful. Oh my god, this is so stupid. Don't ever listen to Seulji. She's the queen of bad ideas.

HOLY FUCK! This whole thing was her fault; what am I talking about? Okay. You know what?

Summary of my recent fuck up: I may have met the love of my life at the club last night, because shit those legs were to die for, the arms as well, oh my god, his face. Who am I kidding? I met God last night. But I also listened to Seulji, who is the devil, and got fucking wasted. And am pretty sure I told Beautiful that I was flexible as fuck, and I was super down to fuck.

And proceeded to prove my point by kicking my leg up, and basically did a vertical split on the man’s shoulder.

Then, the lovely icing on the cake, I'm pretty sure I barfed all over the poor bastard.

FUCK YOU, SEULJI, THIS IS MAKING THE MEMORY WORSE NOT BETTER!!!!

So, thankfully I don't remember shit after, but according to the she-devil herself, this guy probably really has the patience of God, since he apparently helped her drag my sorry drunk ass home.

And now, I will end my misery with ice-cream because fuck you, Seulji, journals don't fucking help.

Worst part is, I won't ever see Beautiful, again, and I'm hungover and don't even have the sore ass to at least say I got a decent lay for my troubles.

I hate my life.

+++

The entire office building was supposed to be empty by this time of night. It was nearing 2 AM, so the fact a lone glowing computer screen was lit in a sea of black screens was an anomaly in and of itself. However, the eerie cast of the light from the screen as well as the dim glow of the exit signs and secondary lighting system made the figure seated in front of a computer seem otherworldly in appearance.

Given the time, the man seemed unusually alert despite his eyes appearing glued to the screen in front of him. He sat with his back straight, motionless - waiting. The silence and stillness permeated everything in the sprawling emptiness of the office space. And time seemed almost frozen.

Then, in the distance, growing slowly but just as ominously and relentlessly as the sound of an oncoming train, echoes of screams drifted into the room, rising from the floors below.

It kept building, and the closer and louder it became, the muted blasts of gunshots and thuds of falling bodies became easily identifiable to the man’s ears.

Everything reached a crescendo, and as quickly as it came, the noises disappeared and silence rang once more.

The man let out a slightly shaky breath, but his face remained impassive as ever.

It was not until a ding from the hallway behind him alerted him to the arrival of the elevator and the subsequent hissing signaled the opening of said elevator doors, that the man finally moved, although it was just to take off his glasses and pinch the bridge of his nose.

Without looking, he spoke, “You’ve really gone and made a mess of things, haven’t you.”

Silence answered him, but this time punctuated by the hair-raising feel of eyes on his back.

He sighed and continued, “I've been waiting for you. Figured you would come here first.”

He didn't expect a reply. Instead, with slow and precise motion, he tugged a USB drive from the computer and placed it to the side, away from him, all the while still not turning around.

“I tried to warn you. Headquarters always know; they always find out. If anything, I was surprised you all managed to keep it quiet for as long as you did.”

Just as he finished speaking, a hand came to rest on his shoulder, sitting uncomfortably close to his neck. He was made all the more aware of the dire circumstances by the thumb running slow, easy circles on the back of his neck.

He swallowed again, “For what it's worth, they didn't hear it from me.”

Finally, he received a response. A soft masculine voice answered him at last, speaking in an unnaturally light tone. If anything, he felt he could almost imagine the gentle smile on the other man’s face, “I know.”

It was readily clear that this was the only reason why they were even speaking, and that he wasn't another casualty to the night.

“What are you doing here, Onew?” The man’s tone was still light, almost jovial, as if this was a surprise run-in with an old friend at the grocers.

Onew would have tried to relax more if the tang of fresh blood wasn't clinging to the other man like an overbearing cologne.

“I wanted to give you this,” Onew indicated the USB. “Everything you want is there. Locations of all offices and safe houses, the comprehensive list of everyone employed, everything you would ever need to wipe them from existence.”

There was a pause, then the other man gave a short laugh.

Onew stiffened when the next words out of the man’s mouth were right next to his ear, his breath tickling the side of Onew’s cheek, “Thank you very much. But I can't help but wonder why you're doing this.”

Ignoring the beads of sweat trickling down his forehead, Onew tried to keep his voice steady as he answered, “My team. I want you to spare my team. We won't stop you; I'll take them out of this, I swear.”

The man hummed, the sound resonating through Onew from their proximity, “That would be a little incriminating for you, wouldn't it?”

“Then you would just have to be a dear and kill them all for me, if it's not too much trouble.”

He finally backed away with a snort, “Never thought you were the gambling sort.”

“Never thought I was either. Key thinks this is a suicide mission you're on.”

“How did you manage to convince him to go along with this?”

“I figure I would just say sorry later.”

Silence took hold of the room once more, and Onew waited on bated breath for the man’s decision. He almost wept in relief when, from the corner of his eye, he watched a hand take the drive.

“When I come for them, make sure you and your team are gone. If I see any one of you -”

“You won't.”

The hand on his shoulder patted him.

“How long do we have?” He couldn't help but ask.

“Now, now, Onew. That would be telling.”

Onew nodded. He didn't want to push his luck, this had already gone better than he had hoped. He felt the man back away, so he went to pick up his glasses.

“Oh, and sorry about the mess.”

Pausing in confusion for a moment, Onew put on the glasses and glanced to the side, taking in the dark, bloody handprint on his shoulder.

He shrugged, “It was an ugly shirt, anyway.”

As he listened to the man’s retreating footsteps, Onew turned to face him for the first time that night.

“Seokjin-ah,” he called and he waited for the figure to turn. “Please don't fuck this up.”

The man just smiled and nodded before disappearing into the elevator.

Onew sighed. Now he just had to figure out how to break the news to the rest of the guys.

+++

Good evening.

Tonight ten are dead after a fire broke out at a local office building on the outskirts of Seoul, bordering Namyangju. The building is one of many ran by Ayao Industries, a local shipping company owned by founder and CEO Lee Beomsoo.

The incident occurred in the early morning hours, when a skeleton crew had been reworking the building’s wiring in preparation for an upcoming remodel. According to the company spokesman, Cha Hakyeon, the fire had started when faulty wiring combined with materials on scene had resulted in the explosion which killed the men. Mr. Cha made it clear that all company personnel are cooperating with local officials as investigations continue.

Concerns regarding whether or not the building was up to code are central to the investigation.

This tragedy follows in the aftermath of another as Mr. Lee and family are still reeling from the loss of their son, Lee Byunghun, in a tragic car accident just three days prior.

Despite personal hardships, Mr. Lee remains adamant the company’s expansion efforts will continue, and construction on overseas offices in Vietnam will remain on schedule. The new location will be dedicated to his late son upon completion.

+++

Journal Entry 2 (Am I supposed to be numbering these?)

March 25, 2013

TALL, DARK, AND BEAUTIFUL SHOWED UP AT MY WORK TODAY!!!!

Apparently, I drunkenly invited him to the book signing, and Seulji gave him the details when I passed out.

Seulji. I may owe this girl some money. A lifetime of alcohol. My first born child. Nah, too much.

But I fucking owe her. O-W-E!

Can I just say drunk me is lame as fuck, though. A book signing? Really? They're giving out free snacks here, but I'm coming off as a real cheapskate, starving college student status notwithstanding.

Fuck, but the guy is hot as fuck. Like gorgeous. So, I already mentioned the hot bod. Like muy caliente. Burn me with your fire, hot, right? But, come on, I’m a realistic guy, and I know it could have been a combination of the club lighting and my beer goggles.

No. Not at all. Nope. He’s not just hot. He’s ADORABLE. He’s got these giant doe eyes and this boopable nose! Does he know he’s lethal cute! Like, he has this kind of face that should be dopey, but he fucken dodged that with a hard pass and slammed straight into wet dreams territory.

Basically, I don't know what he's doing coming to my crappy little bookstore really. Although, he did seem a bit out of touch. Who in their right mind would be that interested in hearing me talk about stocking books. He was probably just humoring me, honestly. I mean it's not much but it pays, not much I can do about that until I graduate. We can't all be international photographers or whatever.

At least I think that's what he does. We ended up ditching the book signing and he took us to dinner. I noticed some equipment in the backseat of the car and some camera stuff. It had gotten kind of awkwardly quiet, so I decided to break the silence by asking him if he had just come back from a shoot.

I think if there are any future outings, I might just have to suggest public transit because he clearly wasn't one of those guys who could multitask talking and driving. The guy almost missed a turn and drove straight into oncoming traffic. Yeah. I wasn't down for that kind of life. No Fast and Furious for this Jimin.

Also, he seemed kind of mad I asked. Though, A+ for hot side glare. I would put up with inexplicable mood swings, if I got to look at those eyes when things got hot and heavy.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not easy, but a guy’s got to be honest with himself. And I've dated enough art sorts to know they could be moody.

He wanted clarification apparently, so I had to explain the camera and what not. Maybe he really didn't want to be confused with the film sort. Who knows with these art guys.

Dinner was amazing, and he paid. I think I'm in love.

Feed me. That's all I ask.

Aw, shit. I am easy.

Only down side of the evening was the lack of a kiss. I feel like a kiss after getting dropped off would be mandatory after our rocky start.

Considering the disastrous meet cute, there was no point to being coy now. I want my kiss, damn it.

Whatever. I got his number.

Now, I just have to check the bank and see if I could afford something nice for Seulji. She deserves it.

I take back calling her a she-devil.

+++

“Well? What is your plan for the situation?”

“We had our people on clean up. The fire destroyed most of the evidence. Even if something slips, we have some of the investigators in our pocket. The public won’t know the truth.”

“I really don't give a fuck about the public. How do we get rid of our little problem?”

“You say ‘little problem,’ I say ‘critical disaster.’ I don't think you're taking this situation as seriously as should be warranted.”

“He's one man.”

“He's one of our best men.”

“You said he could be trusted.”

“It seems I was wrong.”

“And now you're saying you can handle it.”

“I will.”

“Let's hope you're not wrong, again.”

SPECIAL THANKS TO:

juvi-lockster, dharyism, and allourheroes for cleaning up my mess!

Next Part: here

#bangtan #bts #bts fanfic #namjin #jikook #kookmin #yoonseok #sope #my fanfic #fic: coming apart on top of you #myfanfic

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anideawhosetimehascome · 8 years ago

Note

rant about music~

OH MY GOD this makes me feel so warm and fuzzy I can’t stop smiling. Thank you so much. I’m so grateful for this opportunity.

This is gonna be so messy just prepare yourself.

I have to say, right now, my favorite band is City and Colour. I’ve been saying that for awhile, maybe half a year or even a year, god it’s been a long year. I’ve bought two concert tickets to see him. I had to sell the first one (it was a really good seat, third row :(..) but hopefully I can see him with his band with my other ticket (general admission smh) and once more on a fully solo tour like the first ticket I bought.

One Direction comes next as always but each individual member of one direction is ranked differently… louis, harry, liam, and niall in terms of whose music I care most about. I know louis has only put out one collab so far but he’s my favorite,of course I’m most excited for his stuff.

AND I BOUGHT A TICKET TO SEE HARRY HOLY FUCK !!!! I GOT A SEAT IN SECTION 5 IN PHOENIX SO FUCKING CLOSE TO THE STAGE. I GOT SO LUCKY BECAUSE I WAS A COUPLE MINUTES LATE AND I GOT AN AMAZING SEAT. THE PIT IS IN FRONT OF ME AND SO IS 30 OTHER ROWS BUT THATS IT IM GOING TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH HIM AND HEAR HIS BEAUTIFUL CROONING VOICE LIVE AFTER 5 LONG YEARS. I’m just trying to imagine doing the same with louis and my head is exploding. Shoutout to my mom for letting me use her debit card since I haven’t got any paychecks yet.

Protest the hero is an anomaly in my life, I really haven’t been into them in like over a year, but they remain top 3 because I can’t let them go. I love all of their albums (except I only listened to their most recent one once rip) but if I ever got to see them live I would know almost every song IF NOT every single one by heart and that’s an experience I haven’t gotten to have yet. Hopefully twice this year I’ll have that. Maybe I’ll look out for a protest the hero tour and see if I can swing a ticket.

After that it’s really hard to rank everything. I have my favorite albums that differ from favorite artists.

Alt-J is high on my list. They’ve put out some really good shit. I liked An Awesome Wave multitudes more than the other album. I’m hoping his most recent one kinda brings them back to that era.I wish I could travel to the U.K. to see Aquilo. Their album Silhouettes is the best fucking album EVER and yet they’re so small they can only tour their tiny home country. They need more recognition.The Shins are coming to a local venue only a couple hours away and it blows my mind because I fell in love with Wincing the Night Away but they have a plethora of other albums that I didn’t love and I wouldn’t feel right going to a concert where I only knew like 3 of the songs. I wish they did a Wincing the Night Away revival tour where they only sang songs from that album just to appease me lmao.Kendrick’s new album is such a mindfuck. That’s been on repeat the past few weeks. I need to listen to his other stuff too.Sweet Sexy Savage by Kehlani is the genre I’ve been really into lately. That sultry R&B pop is just SO delicious. It’s like nothing else I’ve ever heard before. Her voice is like brown sugar and butter. Everything she does with the instrumentals, her voice, and the backing track is just MIND BLOWING I love it so much.Of course The Weeknd has to come in here. I just saw him live a week ago. It was the best concert I’ve ever been to (the only other one was Taylor swift. She sounds good live, but I’m not a huge fan). STARBOY IS THE BEST ALBUM EVER SERIOUSLY. I was a bit disappointed he didn’t sing more tracks from Starboy because I didn’t know some of the ones from his older albums. Also perpetually disappointed that kendrick never showed up for sidewalks.

Old Crows/Young Cardinals by Alexisonfire has been very high on my list lately. Reminiscent of protest the hero for the reasons I like them, but their voices are COMPLETELY different. It always takes me awhile to get used to screaming and really rough jagged voices, but once I do, I’m either head over heels in love with them or I fucking hate them. Usually the former. If Dallas Green (city and colour) wasn’t involved in this band, I would have never touched them.

Spirit by Depeche Mode has also been a genre I’ve got into lately. I just kept seeing the same fucking google ad every time I opened the app “Spirit by Depeche Mode is out now!” why the FUCK google gave me that ad I don’t know, but it caused me to find one of my most treasured albums. It’s very politically charged which I LOVE. I see the message of each song loud and clear as a movie in my head and it makes me fall deeper in love with it each time.

Now I’ve forgotten everything else, so I’ll start going through albums alphabetically.

Arctic Monkeys is a band I really need to listen to more. I’ve only listened to A.M. once fully through and only stuck with a couple of the songs. I listened to Humbug and liked it a LOT more, so I have a feeling I’ll love their older stuff.

Ahhh how could I forget about CATFISH AND THE BOTTLEMEN. God I spent an hour on YouTube watching them play old versions of The Balcony the other day, it was the best live video I’ve ever watched. He sounded even better than on the album, and I was transported to those shows for that moment where he seemed to be playing in some seedy basement. I wanted to see them live last year for my birthday but didn’t get a ticket. Maybe I’ll be able to get one sometime soon. That’s a band I NEED to see live before I die. They are fucking amazing. Their songs are everything I love about bands.

I’ve listened to a bit of Two Door Cinema Club. I need to listen to more. It’s hard with Apple Music. As you can see I have so fucking much to listen to and it never ends. I think I like music… a lot more than most people. It’s weird to think about. But anyway. Sun, that’s a good song.

Space Oddity by Bowie makes me feel high. R.I.P.

Frank Ocean has been a recurring name lately. Chanel and Self Control are two gems of his.

Cold by Maroon 5 and Future is one of my guilty pleasure songs. I could listen to it for hours and it wouldn’t get old. I don’t even know why I find it so orgasmic.

Cake is one of those bands that wormed their way into my heart a long time ago and I don’t really know how or why and I haven’t listened to enough of their songs because they have too many albums and they’re all from the 90s and I’m so young yet I feel so old when I listen to them. It makes no sense and I love it.

The Dark Side of the Moon. Need I say more? Yes. Us and Them. Brain Damage. Eclipse.

I’m a fan of Blackbear’s new album digital druglord. Very different from what I usually listen to. I don’t always have a usually, but when I do, Blackbear’s not in it.

Message to Bears is the best study music. They’re what I put on when I need to have a quiet night with some undertones of depression and existential realization. Still one of my low key favorites that I always forget about.

FOUR saved the music industry.

I need to reiterate how perfect Protest the Hero is. Listen to Kezia. LISTEN TO IT.

Oh, every time I get the chance to rant about this I will. Little Hell by City and Colour is an album about going from Catholic to atheist, and each song is showing his progression in realizing that. Now this is just my headcanon, but with the first song being about “finding each other in the dark” sounding suspiciously like someone finding God and the last song being a blatant message on being raised religious but rejecting the “make believe” stories. I could theory craft on this album all day. It has seriously made me reconsider naming Sometimes, his first album ever, my favorite, and instead reclaiming Little Hell, City and Colour’s third studio album, as my new favorite. But since it’s just a theory and I have yet to confirm or deny anything, I’ll keep it at my second.

Listen… I know he’s a snake but Zayn’s album was actually really good. I literally haven’t touched it for a year but I really enjoyed it for a long time.

I like the Radiohead quote. I’m not like that at all but I can get into their music, like Nice Dream. Maybe because when I found that song I would have related to that quote. Music is so strange, man.

The Beach Boys, Coldplay, The Boxer Rebellion, Fun., Syd Matters, Breton, The National, Secret & Whisper, G-Eazy, and Bastille all get honorable mentions for being some of my favorites at one point in time.

I hate how into music I am. But I love it so fucking much. I remember in 2010 when I bought a Britney Spears song on the radio and I decided to listen to the mixtape my friend made me because I needed some new music. It changed my life forever because it opened me up to a whole new world that I had never heard before. I’m eternally grateful to her for introducing me to musical curiosity. I will never get over it and I don’t want to.

Despite what I’ve written, I’ve only just now realized how much music I have on my Apple Music library that I’ve literally added and never listened to. I need to work on that.

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sixeightsuited · 9 years ago

Text

Of Gaming, Maths and Misery

Onward! The second of God knows how many posts on the topic.

People used to dismiss video games as mindless entertainment that created a generation of lazy, disinterested youth who would rather stare at a screen than go outside. Kinda funny how now almost EVERYONE is staring at a screen for long periods of time and it’s totally cool. Well, to a point….I mean, you CAN go outside and do stuff too. But anyways…

I got hooked on the game Destiny and while I loved the campaign side of it, I was TERRIFIED to try the competitive side or PvP as its known. I am really uncomfortable with strangers to begin with and it requires often being on a headset with people you don’t know. So, I went a long time without trying what was one of the most popular parts of the game. You can look for people to play with via LFG sites (Looking for Group) but it’s a painful process for someone like me who is so self-conscious and finds making new friends very difficult let alone approaching strangers on line and asking them to play a game with me lol

I decided to try starting a Clan on the Destiny website but make it for people like me who suffer from anxiety, social awkwardness and have it be a “safe space” where there would be no judgemental shit (gamers can be real assholes) and a spirit of inclusiveness. Age, sex, culture….none of that mattered. You didn’t have to be good at the game either. Just maybe try stepping out of your comfort zone a bit like I was doing.

Well, I had no idea my vision would resonate with so many people. A rep from Bungie, the author of the game, contacted me and asked if I would like to be featured on their website.

https://www.bungie.net/en/News/Article/44591/7_Unite-the-Clans—Not-Quite-Sonic

Having no idea what that meant, I said “Sure” and filled out the questionnaire they sent me and as soon as it went live on the site, I had a maxed out clan and 1500 members in less than a weekend. Within three months, I went from having 10 members to over 3000 across three platforms. PS4, XBOX, and PS3

Now this post isn’t to brag about that. It’s to talk about how gaming helps people. In this particular instance, with self-confidence, self-esteem, and things like the aforementioned anxiety issues.

When I started gaming it was completely solo. The only interaction you’d have with another player was if they were in the room with you on the other controller. No online, no game lobbies, no clans. It was perfect for me. I had a friend who played and we’d spend hours on stuff like Tomb Raider, all sorts of sports games, and I especially enjoyed puzzlers and platformers.

Problem for me was, problem solving puzzlers triggered a physical reaction in me the way that math and tests in school did. When faced with math, I would have this feeling like someone just grabbed hold of the back of my head and was trying to pull my face off. My stomach would knot up, I’d get anxious, and ultimately flounder miserably. I never made it past grade 9 math to make a long story short.

(BUMMER ALERT: This next part is depressing but integral)

To go along with crippling anxiety, I had an undiagnosed Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) You see, back when I was about 5, a bunch of kids tried to cave my skull in with rocks. I was literally stoned. Not in the fun, “Dave’s not here man!” way…that came later. But in the Biblical, Life of Brian “who threw that” way. Why? Because of the colour of my skin. So that, among other things (including woeful health care that involved just throwing some stitches in me and sending me home where my adopted family ignored the vomiting and accompanying migraines) left me with a TBI that lay undiscovered til an MRI a few years ago that joyfully showed not just scar tissue on what little I have that passes for a brain, but an aneurysm somewhere in the left carotid just to sweeten the deal.

So… if it goes off, my demise will be on the hands of those kids all those years ago and they’ll never know they ultimately succeeded in killing me. Now, I would be lying if I said I didn’t have a lot of anger about it, but I also know that that kind of racism and hate is taught. At home, usually. You’re not born with it. So…while I can’t say I forgive them, I can say I understand that it’s not entirely on them. I’ve made as much peace with it as I can.

Anyways, having this physical reaction to math made learning a bit of an issue. While I was fine with other subjects, anything involving tests or activities that centered me out would cause this most unpleasant of feelings. There’s a ton of other reasons for that but this isn’t really supposed to be about me and my childhood, it’s supposed to be about gaming, games, math etc. and how it helps people.

I dropped out of school in the eleventh grade because I hated school and the way it made me feel. The two things that saved me from turning to a life of crime or at least more very poor choices were music and martial arts. I’ve covered this elsewhere so I won’t get into it here.

Now the math thing I realised also stemmed from how I was being taught. Numbers on a page evoked the aforementioned stresses. Practical application of math, like while playing darts, did not. I had a bass player who loved playing darts and his game was 501. You start with a score of 501 and subtract your score per 3 darts til you hit zero. I found I liked playing too but realised I was going to have to do math in my head. It scared me so I just watched for a while until finally I was talked into playing. Strangely, and very surprisingly, I didn’t feel that same stress and anxiety I did when doing math on paper. It made no sense to me but it made me happy that in a short time I could and still do subtraction pretty quickly without having to write it out.

Now, I’m no educator (obviously) so I can’t explain the ins and outs of it but if I did things in a hands on, practical way, I would learn and have learned a lot of stuff nobody that taught me would have ever expected. I was told by a grade 5 teacher that I would “never amount to anything like the rest of my dirty drunken kind” Little did she know I would go on to become proficient at multiple instruments including guitar, drums, bass and keyboards, sing and play in touring club acts and learn how to do front of house sound for live bands and work with some popular at the time Canadian bands like Sloan, I Mother Earth, Tea Party, Moist and a bunch of other alt-rock acts, jazz ensembles and even toured with an awesome Drag ensemble as the live sound engineer.

None of this happened by going to college and learning (Daughter of mine: DO NOT follow my example. Stay in school! I am an anomaly) but by teaching myself as far as the music part goes (I was actually kicked out of my high school music class) and having someone take me on the road as kind of an intern and show me how to set up, run and maintain a large sound system in numerous environments. I found I could troubleshoot, work under tremendous pressure in a live environment, all to my great surprise.

The reason was, for me anyways; because I learned this all in a practical way. I remember we had a college that taught audio engineering that would send students to the production company I worked for and I was charged from time to time with taking them into a live situation and putting them to work. They had no real practical experience but loads of theoretical knowledge.

I figured I’d teach them how I was taught. Throw em in the fire and see which ones think to jump out. I gave this kid total control of the show one time and the entire left bank of speakers went out in the first song and he had this deer in the headlights look as the audience, band members friends and family, all started turning around to look angrily at us. “What do I do????” he asked. I said what were you taught? He had no answer and was genuinely beginning to melt down and I don’t relish in other peoples discomfort so I offered this: follow the signal. Meaning, follow the sound signal from the mixing console back to the speakers and figure out where it’s failed.

Somewhere in that chain, something has failed. We know it’s nothing at the band/stage end of it because it’s the speakers that aren’t working. So start subtracting the stuff that it couldn’t be and find the few things it might be. It sounds like its complicated, but in actual practice, it’s quite simple. Subtraction. One of my old childhood tormentors in math was now a friend.

He, understandably, had no idea what to do under that much pressure so I left the light tech at the board and walked him through the process.

We knew back then that the signal comes to the mixing console via a cable we called the snake containing the signal from all the instruments on stage. That isn’t the problem. The sound is making it to the console. Next, the sound goes from the console into processing units like compressors, equalizers, effects units etc. Well, out of those subtract the ones that aren’t applied to the entire mix. FX units are applied to individual tracks or instruments or groups of instruments, so we know that’s not the problem. Follow the signal.

What things after you leave the mixing area affect the path of sound heading to the left and right side speakers? If its not there in your rack at the console, then follow the cables back to the racks of amplifiers that power the speakers. Have any of them shut down? Has something come unplugged? And so on. In that instance, a poorly wired amp rack was the culprit and simple subtraction (sorta) saved the day

**Of course, it’s more accurately an example of deduction or the process of elimination BUT the point is more importantly that practical application was how I learned the trade and was able to explain it to someone with mostly theoretical knowledge.

“Now what in the holy hell has this got to do with anything?” you may ask.

I’m getting there. Trust me. Now I’m gonna go watch football and eat poorly cuz, well….I deserve to.

Later taters. Stay tooned!

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