#Happythankyoumoreplease | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nityarawal · 1 year ago

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Is it too late to have a coming of age experience at 39 after two kids, a husband, and a career in Real estate?

I had the most amazing 40th birthday weekend. I thought I would write all my friends and see if anyone wanted to go to Esalen with me- this is a hot springs in Northern CA that I've been wanting to go to for my whole life! Just a massage is pricey and to go for the whole weekend was over $750 but I thought I would throw it out there. I didn't really care who I saw while there. I just knew I wanted to enjoy it with friends. I didn't have the nerve to go to a spa where everyone swims naked without any friends or family. I had 4 takers. Several good friends committed. We tried to decide which workshop to do. I was thinking to do one on songwriting and bhajans when my friend Tess suggested the creativity workshop. At first I thought that one was so ambivalent...I know about creativity and my own process. I've been doing TM my whole life after all and I know how to tap that place. The truth is I rarely do any creative writing anymore which is what I have my degree in though. I wasn't looking for a revival though, but more than anything a chance to soak in the hot springs next to the crashing pacific waves in good company. Tess suggested this Josh Radnor workshop, "he's the guy in ‘How I met your mother!’"

"Oh," I said. Yes I remembered him...I actually didn't know which character at first but my favorite was Ted Mosby and was delighted that is actually Josh Radnor. She also said that David Newman was teaching it with him and was famous in LA for his amazing yoga studio. It sounded like this was the course to do! So I called up Esalen and managed to switch workshops and got two of my friends to switch with me. Tess had known of Josh also because he'd been on ER and her husband was a writer/director of the show. Unfortunately she didn't end up coming on that special weekend because her hubby had a intensive writing weekend planned and she needed to be in back up support with the kids but I'm forever grateful she intervened and tipped us off on where to go!

I worked until the minute I left practically- emailing and tying up loose ends on a real estate deal. I was concerned my client would miss me for two days being off the grid and not reachable by phone. I assured her it was actually only one day that I would be totally gone since Friday and Sunday I would be travelling and could be reached. I could tell she was a little panicky about it but luckily her daughter had the same birthday as me and she had also planned to go and visit her in Portland. I felt a little foolish going to this workshop without knowing too much about Josh Radnor other than his role in HIMYM so I did a little homework late at night before I left and read some reviews and interviews with him about his movies. I decided to download the first one he did- ‘Happythankyoumoreplease.’

The trip to Esalen was loooong! I thought I would fly- only an hours flight- and get there early with time to relax and enjoy the facilities. I was expected to arrive at noon and my friends were going to pick me up. We'd have lunch somewhere glorious along the ocean enroute. I was so excited! I left my house at 9:30am but my flight was postponed and postponed. I called another friend to pick me up who was also driving down from the bay area and let the other two go ahead and have lunch etc. Danielle somehow got lost en-route though and then stopped somewhere for directions and left her handbag, so had to go back, and finally got to me around 4pm. No worries, I sat in the airport watching the rest of Josh's first movie, ‘Happythankyoumoreplease.' I had started it on the airplane and I was savoring all of it. He wrote, directed and acted in it. It felt like a first movie yet it was so sweet and I was excited to see Malin Ackerman in it as well. I just knew when she said this line about how an Indian taxi driver told her if she got something she liked in life to just say, "more please," that there was a spiritual message and I was in for a treat but still no idea how special Josh Radnor would be.

Danielle arrived when I had 20 minutes left and I kept pausing to tie up loose ends up on my Real Estate deal back home too. Last conversations with my transaction coordinator, my client and broker before I checked out for two days. I was so excited and didn't want to be chatting or negotiating on one of my favorite coastal drives down to Big Sur with a dear old friend that I hadn't seen in several years. No, we had fabulous talks about sex and caught totally up. My magical girls' weekend had begun and the smells of eucalyptus trees and ocean was intoxicating. We couldn't resist stopping at Nepentheon- one of the great restaurants of Big Sur- even though we were only a half hour away and had paid for a wonderful dinner at Esalen. The sun was setting the view was spectacular! We indulged in some tapas and a glass of wine, I got the last of my messages before my phone died and we were on our way out of reception.

We arrived into a pitch dark place. The guard keepers of Esalen said they couldn't tell us where our other friends were staying- some strange policy and that we'd have to leave a note on the bulletin for them. So we thought we'd quickly check in and get to our workshops. We were given flashlights and navigated halfway across the resort to our different classes. Danielle was trying out some metaphysical mind over matter one but later switched to my course on sat after I told her how great it was. I showed up late and felt a bit battered from my long and harrowing day. I wished I was fresher for this first meeting but was too excited to lose any more time. Our meeting was in a yurt next to the ocean and we all introduced ourselves that night. I didn't say where I was from but David and Josh seemed interested that I did TM and they both had learned too but seemed to be onto other things. I mentioned what a great tool it had been for me and they agreed while others in the group expressed their curiosity. That first night was intimate- with only 20 or 30 people in the yurt. I didn't know where my other friends were but I enjoyed sitting there alone... I told the group that we were there celebrating my BIG birthday. For me this was so special. It was such a treat to be there whereas I felt like many of the people who were there had no idea how special Josh was and were even further behind than I was in watching his shows! Many didn't even know about HIMYM! They were just simple folks, many once hippies, coming to enjoy Esalen. Although one woman was an editor from San Francisco with a big publisher and had read his biography! Oh, how I would love to get my hands on that book! She said it was really good and Josh shared his reasons for not publishing it. He said he did things that he'd rather not go public on- he takes his role as a leader and role-model very seriously and doesn't drink, swear or go to strip clubs and is super into his shakti and spiritual path.

We did some chanting and bhajans after the introduction and my heart felt open as I set there on my cushion with no backrest rocking to the music, my spine unwinding and kept accidentally catching Josh's eye. It was a magical evening!

When I got back to my room Danielle said her meeting was OK and that she'd switch to my class because I was very floored and excited about the weekend ahead even though I hadn't planned to do too much of the workshop in my pursuit of hot water. As we were talking Hollie and Mona popped up! It turned out they were in the room next to ours! This seemed like such a gift since the stern Esalen Heralds had not been willing to share their location. We laughed and talked all giddy to see each other but they were tired and had been enjoying the grounds for hours- they'd had their massages, soaked, a divine vegetarian dinner and walked the grounds. I was a little jealous but didn't want to miss out on lost time so Danielle and I headed to the pools and decided sleep was not the priority. We soaked until about 11;30 in the waxing moonlight. We tried the silent Roman pools and enjoyed the meditative atmosphere but Danielle wanted to chat so we went to the other pools. Each pool was so completely glorius. We moved to these pools outside but under the verandas that were open to the crashing waves below. I'd never been in such a beautiful spring in my life and my heart was soaring with the experience. I felt so completely blessed. I couldn't stop smiling. This was the best present I'd ever received and I was savoring every moment of it- I couldn't believe that 3 dear friends were willing to share this with me too! Danielle and I had lovely talks and had a lot of privacy with only a few others there. We tried several different pools and finally were too tired to soak more so showered and headed up the dark paths home. The hills and stairs were a work out and we arrived to our room out of breath and exhausted but in a fantastically good delicious way. I knew my itunes movie was going to expire and I hadn't finished it but I was too tired, and only had about 20 minutes left, so just hoped I'd find time the next day.

Saturday we had a plan to meet HOllie and Mona for breakfast. We had a lovely meal in a corner and I had to sample every food they had so took tiny portions- all was glorious and different for me- I had miso soup- which I've never had for breakfast with kim chi. Mona said the granola was unreal so I had a smidgeon of that with yogurt. They had stewed prunes- which I thought was genius since hot springs for some odd reason are constipating. We enjoyed a couple of cups of coffee and tea and every turn I took around the dining room, Josh seemed to appear next to me in his hoodie with bed head- which is his signature look. God, it was unsettling. I tried to smile and be casual but he has a grumpy morning face. I must have almost bumped into him about 10 times! I couldn't believe it and wanted to yak about the crazy experience with my girlfriends but the lunchroom felt too small for such indulgences. They didn't even know who he was or had seen his shows so they weren't very excited in the same way. Although they appreciated how cute he was! This seemed to be my magical universe.

Mona said I must get a massage- that they were glorious and I owed it to myself to get one for my bday. Her and HOllie were getting theirs for the second day in a row! Danielle and I headed into the reception to make our reservation and guess who was beside me also requesting something? Josh. God I had butterflies. I get funny around celebrities and very excited so this was all just a bit too much! I wished I had someone who could relate. The most my girls could offer was that he was cute.

Mona was super excited to see my message on the board and instagrammed it to Facebook.

Then we all walked joyously up the path to class. It was like a dream...gorgeous flowers blooming everywhere...my friends looked so beautiful and I just wanted to hang out and take photos but was also very excited about our workshop which we were rapidly late for. Esalen is like a '60's commune though- it radiates love and peace and it's hard to believe this magical place still exists in this day and age! We wound our way up to our class and it was sparkling in the day light. I had gotten lost winding up there the night before passing houses and walking through forests but in the light of day I could see the school garden, the school bus converted into a class and granted myself a few pictures of the girls. One of Hollie under an arch of metal she wanted to recreate in her garden. I felt proud to have my friends in class with me that morning. We all sat in the back row and they didn't get the proper introduction but I did whisper that Hollie was a Scorpio since we'd all shared our signs the night before.

Holl's and Mona don't have the best backs so even though they got back jacks their backs were suffering by the end of the lesson. I felt like this yoga energy was coursing through me and I didn't mind not having the support. I was really getting into the Bhajans. I felt like my heart was opening wide and those silly feelings of catching Josh looking at me, like a girl in school- like my sparkle must be on and my inner light shining out. Hollie, Mona and I were giddy that day laughing and giggling catching each others eyes just thrilled to be on our retreat! After class as we were walking out I mentioned to Josh that I'd love to see Liberal Arts and asked if we were going to watch any of his movies. He said maybe. That afternoon I arrived a bit late after my gorgeous massage- this was one of the best massages I'd ever had- I lay naked with one wall open to the pacific, the warm air and sunlight glowing in and felt the feathery hands of a woman perform some Asian combination massage indigenous to Esalen. I could see why HOllie and Mona had to get one of these two days in a row and felt like this massage I almost stingily didn't get might have been one of the best I'd ever had. She cocooned me afterwards in towels and I could've slept there all afternoon but only allowed myself a few minutes because I didn't want to miss a moment of Esalen. I was hoping to soak with Hollie and Mona after but they were just heading into their massages. As I was walking out of the roman bath I saw Fillipo Francini in the dressing room- he's an Italian composer that is a client of mine. I said hi, but he looked so inward and puzzled with his towel draped over his privates, like a man from roman times- I thought maybe it's not the best time to be social so let it go.

I was late for lunch and Danielle had already finished so I took my food to this nook under a tree at the bluffs edge. It was such a perfect place to journal. I felt so awake. I could've written for hours but there was little time to take in so much. So then I dipped in the cold swimming pool in the verdant green bluff and appreciated the paradise.

As I was walking to class I saw HOllie & Mona- they said they weren't going since they were late to class and wanted to hike and enjoy the sunset etc. so I went ahead. Danielle was sitting by the door but I thought I would sit where I had been and Josh was sitting in the seat next to mine so I just went with it and enjoyed his company as we sang Bhajans.

At the break Danielle told me the good news that we were going to play a movie that night. Josh put on some scenes from his movies HTMP and it was so cool to have him share his favorite scenes- one of them I hadn't seen yet and it was so fantastic the way this man who wasn't attractive in the beginning of the movie suddenly became gorgeous as the light of love dawned in the leading ladies heart. He really captured this well in the movie and this was a feeling I'd had before and enjoyed the way he'd painted it. He was so humble sharing all these scenes with an audience that had no clue how brilliant he was. He didn't seem to mind and I felt like a bit lame that I hadn't even finished his movie before the workshop, but was very excited that he'd listened to my cue to show Liberal Arts, and it just felt like my birthday couldn't have been any better. Danielle had a bit of a laugh at me for parking myself at the other end of the room from her near Josh but I just explained that was where I'd been sitting before.

That night when we arrived all the back jacks and pillows were gone. Many people had several under them and there was a fresh batch of popcorn. I didn't mind and sat in the back of the room with Hollie and Mona. We found some blankets and they laid down. I was just in bliss and still feeling this yogic kundalini which somehow kept my spine strong even with no support. Josh put on Liberal Arts and plopped down next to me in the back row (again!!! I couldn't believe my luck!)

I found a couple of small pillows and rolled one over to him. I couldn't believe that Josh; the workshop leader, whom I thought was the guest of honor, was lying on the floor with no support and none of the patrons had offered him some of their comfort.

Hollie thought it was rude no one offered us their pillows either but I didn't care. Her and Mona finally couldn't take it though and left to go soak and I stayed and enjoyed this surreal experience of watching Josh on the screen while laying next to him. This was the most unbelievable thing! Sometimes he'd jump up and stop the movie to share some interesting tidbit about it and I felt like this was one of the most creative things to partake in- I could tell he felt vulnerable sharing his art and was listening for our laughs and peeking at our expressions for feedback. It was such a magical night and it made me realise what was possible for myself as an artist too. He gave me such a great gift by sharing his movie with us that night- it lit a fire of inspiration and creativity that I still feel strongly though I still struggle finding time to express it and do my own work. I'm writing this story now on notepad and my novel is buried in files I still need to wade through on this laptop. Nevermind though.

It was one of the most stimulating and exciting evenings even though it was a quiet and rustic setting off the grid in Big Sur. Danielle felt the same way but I think neither of us could put a finger on it. She also confessed that Josh had been staring at her. I guess he was like Krishna that weekend and probably many of the girls had that experience. The music kept taking my heart to new levels too- David had us singing these gorgeous bhajans and even Josh sang with us- not above it at all and often he referred to David to answer questions about creativity and things even though I think most of the class was more interested in his creative process.

At the end of each evening David would play some bhajans so we'd end on a high note and he’d say he'd see us in the pools as if both he and Josh would be there. That night the pools were busy and Danielle and I squeezed into the one by the oceans edge after trying a few and looking for our place. It was exciting to think that Josh might be in the other pool but it seemed like a lot of men were over there so we stayed away. We did have a run in with David in the co-ed bathroom that was embarrassing- saw a little more than we would've liked! Ha ha!

We got tired again around midnight and decided to head home. The magic of Esalen was more important to me than sleep. Normally I love my rest but on this occasion I just wanted to absorb as much of that atmosphere as I could.

Sunday morning was still high. Danielle finally asked her question about creativity. David and Josh said they work in the morning best after a cup of tea. I longed for the discipline to get back to that place. I used to work daily and my creative process flowed around my routine and energy levels but since my 2nd child it seems to flow around the family with little time left for energetic creating. I felt like I'd lit a flame that I would tender though. And I made a commitment to work on my book and finish it once again. I told Josh about my town in Encintias and he and David were familiar with it. David invited me to his concert at the Kirtan Castle- Phillipo Francini's house- and I laughed and told him about seeing him in the dressing room and that he was my client!

I normally don't go visit because it's also a Tantra center but decided I would go to see them the following month. Danielle took a photo of Josh and I after class and I gave him a small crystal ganesh and a card in case he wanted to show his movie HTMP in Encinitas or Fairfield- He said he wanted to share it in towns of yogis where they get it. I also met with the agent from the famous publishing house and got her name and gave her my card over lunch. We had one last special meal out on the deck. By now, everyone was quite comfortable with Josh and he seemed to have many dates for meals; I no longer felt like we were two lonely ships colliding in the lunch room as frequently but was still very aware of his presence.

I was wishing I could stay. As I went to reception to check out after lunch- I overheard that Josh was staying another day. I asked if there were rooms to stay in; it would've been half price to stay another day without a retreat and I was sorely tempted but my friends were already in the packed car and waiting to get to the airport.

I couldn't stay but I long to do another retreat at Esalen again. I don't know if it will ever be that great- this was a birthday treat of a lifetime. I felt like the Gods were shining down on me. Josh had his shrine set up in that yurt and David was singing mantras- it was a very high weekend. I felt a lot of ecstasy and very excited that my creative spark had been lit. Yet it was time to get home. Back to my clients, my family and my other world. I don't have the luxury of unlimited time delving into those creative windows but that weekend with Josh at Esalen will stay with me and has lit my fire. Now in the evenings, when I have a few minutes, I play music from his play list, I follow his twitter, see the interesting articles he shares or writes, and sometimes it seems like my imagination- did I really become friends with Josh? Or was I just a stranger he obliged with a photo and a few words. It doesn't really matter. He moved me with his presence, stories and movies and I felt like I got a really unique experience on my last weekend being 39. I felt really blessed!

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