#How to take a stool sample

[firespirited]

Finally got to the Doctor, turns out she's been dealing with a family emergency all December (no she's not a trauma dumper, I'm the type who asks... and listens for 40 minutes because, well, clearly she hasn't been asked by many and needed to vent about bureaucracy and paperwork and difficult family members)

So that explains why she's been technically Not on holiday but also Not available.

Gonna do stool sample number three!!! *sarcastic confetti and noisemakers* with very careful wording and hope the lab don't mess up again along with a blood test for another potential GI tract hijacker.

If that falls through, we have to find out why malabsorbtion is happening with tubes that go down and up my tubes à moi. Probably 'up' given the severe daily pains in the lower intestines.

I'm terrified of intestinal cramping during a colonoscopy causing a tear in the guts and being one of the fatal 1% but have a plan to inform everyone and sharpie warnings on my arms if it ever comes to that exam. Yes, that's getting way ahead of ourselves: Adhd brain and medical trauma means I had 5-10 brain tabs open on next step risks and pitfalls within a second of her saying the word specialist.

I forgot to inform her that I've been eating leafy greens, iron supplements and cheap chicken bits to fight the anemia so if it's not as bad as expected it's because I'm horfing down whatever iron I can get ... my bp was below nine during the appointment, could barely stay on track.

Guess I'll shoot her an email after my blood test. Might need to confirm if she expected me to auto up my bp meds without asking permission (I've been living in, like, zombie mode because that hadn't occurred to me)

So she's back, we have another option to explore, she might medicate the symptoms of malabsorbtion if it looks ugly on the tests. Progress? I think? Hope at least.

Getting 'we didn't test for candida' on the second, now more clearly marked, candida test on the 26th of December was a massive blow as I'd stupidly staked so much hope on that test. 'We will neither confirm nor deny we did a candida test because we're being pedantic about precise precriptions' over the phone a few days later wasn't reassuring either. And my dr had been on call but not replying to phone or email since early dec which was concerning.

______________

For your edutainment: here's how to do a stool sample.

If the pot is nice and big like it could contain two glasses of orange juice, you're in luck you can probably go right in it. Most are smaller single OJ if not single yoghurt plastic pots.

So first, pee. Very important step, you may pee later but at least it's less mess. Get some cling film (saran wrap) and carry a cut sheet to the loo (rather than bringing a kitchen item into your toilet room) , drape it over the back 3/4 of your toilet under the seat so there's a little poo catcher nook and make sure its well attached on both sides.

Do your poo, stuff toilet paper between your cheeks, open the pot. Get up, turn around, use the poo pot to gather a sample, close pot with loo paper. Pull down cling film at an angle and wash cling film in flush water, place it in a doggie poop bag to go in the trash.

Wipe bottom, flush again.

Wash outside of stool pot carefully, wash your hands carefully. Put stool pot in an opaque marked bag in the fridge far from food, more towards closed sauces until someone with a car can drop it off. Copro Culture takes 3 days, if you have internet access to results you could have them then.

Very important to remember : unless you have a blessèd routine involving a morning coffee and precise timing. This could take several attempts and several cling film sheets. Do not get up too fast to grab that pot if you have POTS or feel in any way drained - I promise it can wait, nearly passing out face first over a toilet with a film poop ledge is not great. Still better than most people's uninformed attempt at collecting a normal sized poo in the undersized pot!

In the same way, pee samples are 'pass under the stream briefly' not sample the whole pee. Entire pee samples come with a bottle sized pot: ask for two, we hydrate better than previous generations.

[mars-ipan]

i’m just like so relieved i don’t have lupus

[michanvalentine]

I was just thinking—for fun—about how I picture Astarion’s radiant hopeful ending after the six-month celebration following the events of Baldur’s Gate 3. Sometimes you come across such absurd takes that you just go “meh,” honestly. Like, him living in the sewers, lol—why, exactly? Or him setting himself on fire the moment Tav/Durge passes away, because let’s face it, our character is apparently the only valid reason for this poor little vampy-boy’s existence (level 12 adventurer and hero who defeated the Netherbrain, sure).

Naturally, I’m focusing on the single ending—not because I don’t enjoy the romance, but because it sparks my imagination more.

I picture this vampire spawn with his small, well-kept apartment in Baldur’s Gate. A ground floor with a cozy sitting room, a hearth, and lovely wide windows letting in the light of lanterns and the chatter of the city’s nightlife. A staircase leads down to the bedroom and bath in the basement—safety first, of course, since sunlight isn’t ideal during naps. Two kinds of curtains hang from the top of the windows: a lighter, hand-embroidered one made by him, and a heavier, darker one to block out the sun.

Near the hearth is a little sewing corner and a mannequin proudly displaying his latest tailoring projects. At the foot of the small workspace sits a basket filled with spools of thread and fabric samples. On the table: patterns, needles, scissors, thimbles, and everything else he needs to work. There are always flowers on the mantel and the table—some brought straight from Shadowheart’s meadow. He wrinkles his nose, but keeps them anyway; he likes remembering how vibrant their colors are.

On the other side of the hearth is a small bookcase and an armchair full of pillows. There’s a brightly colored fuzzy throw he enjoys for the texture. That’s where he relaxes alone when he has time to read something interesting. Gale makes sure to bring him a new tome every month. There’s a stack of boring books on the floor—those come straight from Waterdeep and he can’t bring himself to throw them away. The good ones are neatly shelved, except for the one he’s currently reading, which rests on the armrest, waiting to be picked up again.

Nearby is a three-legged wooden stool, carved with floral patterns—useful for sitting by the fire or as a footrest. Halsin gifted it to him. The sideboard is well-stocked with plates, glasses, tablecloths, pots, cutlery, and all kinds of utensils. Not just any kind—he likes them refined, even if he doesn’t use them. Gotta impress the guests! And even though he doesn’t eat human food, there’s always bread and cheese on the kitchen counter. Sausages hang from the hooks. One drawer hides rigged cards and dice—only he knows how to make them work.

Next to the sideboard is a small rack for vintage bottles. Only the finest wines (many stolen) in House Ancunin! Guests are few and carefully selected from his inner circle. He values privacy and discretion, especially with those he doesn’t fully trust. He has standards! Lol. That’s why he’s rigged some traps at the entrance. Trust is good, but caution is better—especially when he’s away or asleep downstairs.

The bedroom features a luxurious canopy bed—probably the most expensive item in the house—draped with rich fabric all the way to the floor. Pillows everywhere, in every color and shape. He usually sleeps naked, in black silk sheets. The wardrobe is filled with outfits for every occasion. Many he made himself, some were custom-made by Figaro when he wanted to treat himself, and some he just flat-out stole from rich bastards. Astarion Ancunin is a fashion icon, after all.

Naturally, there are also simpler, comfortable clothes suited to his work. At the foot of the bed is a magically trapped and locked chest (crafted by Gale just for him), where he keeps gold and rare or magical items looted from evil rich folk—who didn’t deserve them anyway. He’ll put them to good use… more or less. One day, that chest will also contain the amulet or cloak that lets him walk in the sun again—he and his old adventuring party are still working on it.

In one corner of the room is a tall mirror with a refined frame. He likes it as a decorative piece—but hey, with the right company in bed, it can always come in handy! Lol. In the other corner is a battered dartboard with at least two daggers stuck in it. Mounted on the wall is a rack of weapons. A pair of curved daggers were gifts from Avernus, courtesy of Karlach and Wyll. A dagger with a Spartan hilt came from another plane, sent by Lae’zel. He doesn’t like it, but he trusts her taste when it comes to efficiency and effectiveness.

The bathroom is, of course, well-equipped: a full tub (not connected to plumbing), with a stack of soft, fragrant towels beside it, and a rug he enjoys stepping on when entering or exiting the bath. There’s a carved floral stool there too—another gift from Halsin. A couple of shelves display his beloved collection of oils and soaps. Also proudly displayed: a set of brushes for every need, because we know how meticulous he is about his hair.

His work as a vigilante (or paid assassin) is slowly paying off, thanks to word of mouth. His clientele includes people from all social classes. Rarely, but when he feels personally involved, he’s accepted jobs in exchange for goods (that he doesn’t eat). Once, a woman abused by her so-called rich lover gave him a chicken as payment. He cursed every god, then accepted, warning her not to tell anyone. He then gave the chicken to the orphan kids who plague his soul begging him to mentor them—just because he once gave them tips on how to properly pickpocket rich fools. Especially foreign merchants with heavy coin purses.

Since then, the brats look up to him and beg for adventurous stories, dreaming of becoming like him. He treats them with disdain, but he secretly loves seeing those little misfits seek his attention and try to apply what he teaches (with hilariously poor results). Not before being begged with: “Pleeeease, Mister Astarion!”

In the colder seasons, when the sun sets early, business picks up—he has more time to be active. He also has more time for the Elfsong when he’s in the mood for fun. Everyone knows him there—he’s the life of the party. Cards, dice, gossip (while gathering intel), flirting just for fun, and sometimes... upstairs shenanigans. All on his terms, of course.

Few people know the real him, and for now, that’s fine. Not everyone can be among the privileged few with access to his home, his life, his intimacy. Alfira, who often performs there, knows and accepts this. Same for his friend Lakrissa.

Once, he saved Chef Roover from a drunk, ill-intentioned outsider by draining him dry. Roover raised an eyebrow and ordered him to help mop up the piss (the guy had wet himself in fear). After that and a few explanations, Alan Alyth tried to hire Astarion as a bouncer. He agreed to “make troublemakers disappear”—nothing more—in exchange for unrestricted access to the tavern’s lower floors for his business.

Now Astarion has taken over the old Emperor’s chambers, giving them a new purpose. Still under renovation, but clients can drop by the bartender, say the code word, and be sent downstairs... Astarion has big plans for himself and his enterprise. Maybe someday he’ll add a small hedonistic lounge to share with friends who enjoy the same bloody pleasures. In moderation, of course. After all, it’s nice to inspire hope in people, not just fear, right?

And then there’s Jaheira, who drops by nearly every day under the pretense of helping with renovations, delivering materials, or suggesting more “reasonable” interior design. Really, she just wants to play mama wolf and make sure he stays out of trouble, while slipping him extra gigs on behalf of the Harpers or the Flaming Fists. At least she doesn’t nag at his house—and tries to keep Minsc out of it—but Astarion knows it’s just a matter of time before the ranger shows up in his kitchen out of nowhere, bloody, half-dressed, and with a dumb story about how he got there.

And of course, there are the Gur, who frequently seek his advice about vampire spawn kids or local monsters. If they can offload more work onto him, all the better! At least they’ve stopped hunting him, and sometimes they even help lighten the weight of vampirism. He’d never admit it, but a lot of them are actually fun—and nearly as good at cheating at dice as he is. Once, they held a kind of tournament where he almost lost. Damn cutthroat vagabonds!

So yeah, just a little headcanon about poor, helpless, useless Spawn Astarion, who supposedly can’t survive a day without Tav/Durge. xP

[thegingerparty]

you're (not) on your own, kid

"So-so is that enough? For you to get a sample from?"

Alec looks up at him from the iPad with a raised eyebrow. "Dude, this is like. Twenty pages of writing. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to pull the letters I need from here."

Buck rubs his hands against his thighs, feeling clammy even though he's no stranger to needles by this point.

"O-okay, great! How, um, how long do you think this will take?"

Alec scratches their forehead while examining the scanned files Buck had emailed over before his appointment. "A few minutes, probably? Going to have my software pull out the letters we need and then we can go from there." They look back up at Buck. "You know what placement you want?"

Buck nods. "Yeah, the left wrist? If you can make it fit there."

"Shouldn't be a problem, I'll adjust the size when I print out the stencil." Alec stands up, then, and moves towards the computer at the back of the studio, leaving Buck at the bench.

His hands feel twitchy again, and he reaches over to grab the one lying next to him, squeezing tightly.

"You okay?" Tommy asks softly, and it's an echo of all those months ago, dinner in the loft when they first started dating, Buck grapling for the first time with what the loss of Bobby might mean for him.

He leans to the side, his shoulder digging into Tommy's. He allows the press of their bodies to seep through him like morphine in an IV line, let's the comfort soak into his pores like a sponge. As sure as Buck is that he wants to do this, he knows he wouldn't be able to without Tommy next to him, not without shattering into a million pieces the second the needle pierces his body.

"No," he answers finally. There's a soft scratch of calloused skin as Tommy's thumb smooths over the top of his hand. "But this is...not making it better, but." He stops, unsure how to explain it. This isn't going to fix anything, not really. But it's still going to mean something, to him, something that will hopefully cut deeper than his grief.

Tommy squeezes his hand again. "Yeah," he says. "I get it. You can carry him with you, now."

The sting of tears is all too familiar these days, but it still catches him by surprise now. He had had a nice, long cry in the shower this morning, and another smaller one on the drive over, Tommy's hand on his thigh the only thing keeping him from floating away from his body. Buck had thought he had cried out all his tears at least a dozen times by now, but miraculously his body keeps producing more.

Alec choses this moment to return to their little corner of the studio, stencil in hand and effectively cutting off the incoming spiral. "You ready?" they ask. Buck dashes away his tears haphazardly.

"Yeah," he says. "Let's do this." He squeezes Tommy even tighter, pulls their joined hands into his lap while Alec prepares their tray and rolls over on the little stool to the other side of Buck. They methodically clean off the section of his wrist where the tattoo will go and gently apply the stencil.

"How's that look?"

Perfect, is the answer. It doesn't even look like Alec pulled the letters individually from the recipe cards Buck had scanned for them, but like one fluid phrase, like all the separate pieces fit together seamlessly.

Heartbreaking, is the other answer, because he can still hear the echo in his mind, can still feel the gaping, empty void where he didn't say it back.

His hand flexes in Tommy's. "It looks great, Alec." his boyfriend answers for him. Alec peers at Buck for a moment before they nod, pulling out the tattoo gun and getting to work.

The familiar buzzing sounds starts, but Buck can only look at his white knuckled grip on Tommy. Normally he loves getting to watch, seeing the transformation happen in real time, but this one stings differently than usual.

Between one blink and the next, it's over. Alec is wrapping the Saniderm around his wrist, reciting the care instructions to the two of them. Tommy thanks him, somehow knowing Buck still isn't able to speak without breaking apart, and they walk back up front to pay.

Tommy doesn't take the exit for Buck's house, gets off one earlier instead. Buck lets him come around to open the door for him, grabs his hand as he gets out, knows it's the only think keeping him from sprinting in the other direction.

The gravestone still looks new, and a little wrong, the grass only just starting to grow over top of where the dirt was recently unearthed.

"Hey, Bobby," he starts. Stops, takes a breath, and then another, before trying again. "I, um. I have so...so much I want to say to you." he sniffles. "But I...I guess the main thing is that. That I love you, too. So much, Bobby. And I, uh. I'm sorry I didn't. Didn't say it back to you when I had the chance."

Tommy switches the hand in Buck's hold so that he can put his arm around his shoulders and pull him close. He presses a kiss to the top of his head.

"I think he still knew. Even if you didn't say it, he knew." he whispers.

Buck jerks his head in a poor approximation of a nod. "Still nice to hear, it though." he says.

Tommy hums softly. "In that case, I should probably tell you that I love you."

Despite himself Buck smiles a little. It's not the first time Tommy's told him, and it won't be the last, but like he just said, it's nice to hear it all the same.

"Love you, too." he replies. "Thanks for being here."

"No where else I'd rather be." And Buck knows, with absolute certainty, that Tommy means it.

He looks down at his wrist, at the ink that still feels like it's settling into his skin, making a home there.

"Me too."

I love you, kid.

[mauvecherie-writes]

when in london: j.scipio

• rating: NSFW 18+ mature

• pairing: jacob scipio x black!reader

• w.c: 4.7K

• summary: a spontaneous decision led to a passionate evening.

• warning: corny flirting, meet-cute, dual pov, fluff, sexual content: pwp, protected p in v sex, dirty talk, oral sex [f!receiving], brief handjob, Jacob talking you through it energy.

• tips: kofi | paypal – please if you can 🫶🏾.

[Jacob]

The roaring of laughter and buzzing of accumulated chatter was all around you as you tried to focus your eyes on the foods menu that was in front of you. A small frown was etched on your features as you contorted your glossed lips to the side as if you were concentrating on the words of the menu as if it was a study on the arts of culinary.

If he hadn’t been so enamoured by your beauty as you passed him by, he certainly was now. Feeling his staring tittering on the line of being uncomfortable if you caught him, he adjusted his cap and decided to approach you instead.

Typically, Jacob was a man who was able to admire a beautiful woman from afar and continue on his way. However, there were times such as now, where his body felt compelled to act. All he needed was a smile and he would be content.

[You]

There were so many options to choose from and you had been struggling to narrow it all down to only two options. If you had more time, you would have tried to sample as much you can, especially the perfectly curated chef’s specials.

You were so engrossed in exploring the menu that you did not notice someone approach.

“Forgive me for intruding darling but it seems like you’re having some trouble making a decision.” A low and deep voice came from beside you. Immediately, your body stood alert, ready to dismiss whoever it was. However, all fight left you when your eyes collided with the most gorgeous pair of hooded brown eyes that you had ever encountered. Even with the stone-brown coloured cap on, you could note that his head was covered in rich, dark locks and his full beard was neatly trimmed. But it was the small smile on his fully plump lips that had your guard completely crumbling.

He was devastatingly handsome and the fact that he had approached you because he noticed you were taking a little longer than usual when reading the menu had you slightly flushed with embarrassment.

“Yeah.” You sheepishly chuckled as you placed the menu down. “The hotel changes their menu with the seasons, but it seems this time around, all of my staples have either been removed of have had their recipe changed.”

“So now you’re being left with choosing something different.”

You nodded your head in agreement. “Normally, I would have taken this opportunity to just sample as much as I could, but I have to be at an event in about three hours, so I don’t want to over do it.”

The stranger’s smile widened, and you could physically feel your heart swooning.

“May I sit?” He asked.

“Please.” You gestured to the bar stool that was beside you and he took the seat. You couldn’t help but let your eyes travel down his body and noted what he was dressed in. An olive green long-sleeved linen shirt over a white vest that was tucked into what looked like blue Levi denim jeans. When you brought your eyes back to his face, his features felt familiar.

“I feel like I know you from somewhere.” You commented.

“Trust me sweetheart, if we had met before this moment – you would remember who I was.” He smirked. You playfully rolled your eyes, dismissive of his words yet inwardly admitting how they wanted to make you giggle.

“Ha. Ha.” You sarcastically said. “No, like a movie or something but I can’t remember what.”

“I’m an actor.” He spoke. “I’ve been in a couple of things over the past few years. I will say it’s early days of my career though.”

Suddenly, you gasped. “You act as that cute guy in the new Bad Boys films.” You said before you could stop yourself.

Your comment caused him to burst out laughing. “I would prefer Jacob, but I don’t mind being called cute too.” He winked at you which caused your cheeks to warm.

“I’ll stick to Jacob.” You replied as you put forth your hand as you gave you gave him your name in return. “I didn’t know that you were British.”

“Islington born and raised,” Jacob’s face held a sense of pride. “And I can tell from your accent that you’re Northern, but I can’t exactly pinpoint where.”

“A lot of people say that.” You smiled. “But I am from Manchester. The years spent at boarding school wouldn’t take away that twang no matter how much my parents tried.”

“Thank god it didn’t.” Jacob mumbled. You bit your tongue to stop the girlish giggle that wanted to spill out of your mouth.

“Anyway, didn’t you approach me because you wanted to help me choose what to eat?”

“Right.” He nodded his head. “Let’s take a look at this then.” You shared a look, smiling at each other before you passed the menu towards him.

[Jacob]

Your smile was breathtaking.

As much as your conversation was full of marvel and increasing interest, he couldn’t help but always be drawn back to your smile and the joyous sound of your laughter. Your mind was like a labyrinth of knowledge, he had come to find out. You were naturally inquisitive by nature, and it was a quality of that he was beginning to be fond of.

Jacob helped you in choosing a starter of sauteed scallops with garlic butter, lemon and with a parsley garnish. Then for your main entre, a lobster thermidor with a side of truffle fries. As an effort to impress you, he ordered a bottle of vintage Veuve Clicquot Rose. A favourite of yours that you had admitted that you only ordered once in a full moon.

On the last pour of the champagne, you had the softest pout on your lips.

“A good bottle like that is meant to softly enjoyed and we finished it all in an hour and a half.” You commented.

“Well sweetheart. How about, when you come back from your event, I’ll be here, waiting to finish this conversation with another bottle. How does that sound?” Jacob boldly asked you. At some point during your dinner, you had detailed that you had come down to London because you had been invited to an album release party of a friend. However, as the night progressed, the more that he was enjoying spending time in your presence, and he could tell that you felt the same.

“Actually, what are you doing with the rest of your evening?” You asked him as you nervously chewed on your bottom lip. Jacob leaned forward and brought his elbows onto the table.

“What do you have in mind darling?” He raised his eyebrow as he watched you also lean closer, and you placed your hands underneath your chin.

“What do you think about joining me for the rest of the night?” Jacob couldn’t help but grin at your question. He didn’t understand why you were so nervous to ask as he had been feeling the same. Jacob had not wanted this night to end just with sharing dinner hence why he had decided to leave things open ended with his invitation. He was staying on the floor above you, and he had conjured up a plan in his mind to use his small, heated pool that was on his balcony to his advantage when you came back from your event.

And now, you had answered his silent prayers.

“For you I’d do anything.” He answered which caused your eyes to slightly widen as a glint of mischief settled in your eyes. It wasn’t there for long, but it lingered long enough for him to catch it.

“Don’t say that to me.” You hid your glee behind biting your lip.

“And why is that?” He cocked his head to the side.

“Because I require a lot and you saying that you’ll do anything for me is just being a tease.” You confessed as you dropped your hands and reached for your champagne flute and brought it to your lips.

“If you tell me to do something, I’ll do it. I can handle you.” He licked his lips before a small smirk pulled on his face. The expression of desire that momentarily passed you was all that he needed.

Your fate had been sealed in that very moment.

[You]

The entire car ride to the event, all you kept thinking about was how incredibly spontaneous and probably stupid your actions were. Had you discussed this with your best friends, they most likely would have talked you out of inviting Jacob. You had just met the man, shared a long conversation over an impromptu dinner and now he was your plus one to a closed event. Yeah, your friends would have been screaming and throwing all types of cautionary flags your way.

And yet, the hopeful romantic within you simply couldn’t ignore how much of a spark was ignited between you and Jacob. The way your conversation just flowed from topic to topic. He didn’t seem put off by your ramblings of your multiple interests, in fact, he would courage you more by asking questions and it left you feeling giddy.

So, you were leaving it to chance. Sharing this night with this perfect stranger and if it turned into something, even better but if it ended with just tonight then so be it. You were going to enjoy the time you spent with each other.

When you arrived at the event, Jacob offered his arm for you to link with and you gladly took it. He leaned down and whispered in your ear.

“I know I’ve said this already, but you look absolutely stunning tonight.” His words and his breath brushing against your ear sent a shiver down the length of your spine.

“Thank you.” You replied cooly as you looked at him. Then you tried to focus on walking on steady feet past the crowds of fans outside of the venue. You waved at some people who shouted your name as they recognised you from your large social media platform. Once you were in the building, you ventured your way through the crowd towards your friend, who was stationed by the DJ booth.

You shared a tight hug and when she pulled away from you, she eyed Jacob, who was behind you talking to someone he seemed familiar with.

“And who is that gentleman with you?” She playfully wiggled her eyebrows which caused you to giggle.

“He’s my date for the evening.” You vaguely explained. She gave you a knowing smirk.

“Okay girl, I see you. He’s cute.” She winked and in turn, you rolled your eyes even though a small smile was on your face. After a few more greetings, you went back to Jacob who was now holding onto two glasses.

“I got you a Paloma. I hope that’s okay.” He said as he handed you the beverage.

“That’s perfect, thank you.” You took a sip and savoured the taste, humming softly as the flavours burst on your tongue. You hadn’t realised your eyes had closed until you opened them and met Jacob’s gaze. It was intense and it left you flustered. You wanted to avert your attention to somewhere else but like a compulsion, it held you captive.

“So, I saw you talking to some people.” You sparked conversation.

“Yeah, I’ve bumped into some people I’ve met within the industry.”

“I forget how much music and film intertwine.”

Jacob nodded his head in agreement. “Especially if it’s people who are behind the scenes. We just pick what job you can get and do so you meet a lot of people. I tend to make it a point to learn people’s names and get along with them. In the industry, your reputation gets you a lot further than people think.”

“It’s the same with content creation. I try to do the same even if I never meet some of the same people again but it’s that word of mouth that can open doors for you.”

“Exactly.” Just as he was about to continue further, the DJ started playing Alibi by Sevdaliza.

“Oh, this is my song!” You exclaimed. “Come dance with me.” You did not give him a chance to answer as you grabbed his empty hand dragged him towards the dance floor with him chuckling behind you.

[Jacob]

He was trying to be a gentleman.

He really was.

He stood by your side the entire event, bought all your drinks and danced with you – keeping his hands in the appropriate places.

However, as your friend’s sultry music blasted through the speakers, the more your inhibitions faltered. You were pressed against him – back to his chest with your head on his shoulder with one arm thrown over his head. At this point, his cap was backward so that he could get closer to you. His hands were still by his side as he swayed along with you to the melodious music.

“You can touch me you know.” You mumbled into his ear. His light chuckle vibrated against your skin which made you shiver, and he felt it.

“I was trying to be respectful.” He replied.

“There you go again with your teasing language.” He saw the corners of your mouth lift and your body shake with light laughter. “Tell me what you really wanted to say.”

Jacob took in a deep breath and let one hand come to your waist. “I didn’t want to touch you because I knew once I felt your skin beneath my fingertips, I wouldn’t be able to stop touching you.”

“Hmmm, you say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“Because it is, sweetheart. I’m a hard man to get rid of.” His hand trailed up your stomach and settled just beneath your breast, the other came to the exposed part of your skirt and he heard your gasp. The sound made his chest swell with pride. “Turn around.”

Your body immediately shifted in his arms. You pressed your forehead against his and he rested his hands on the lower part of your back and pulled you closer into his body.

“Permission to speak freely.” He mumbled lowly but you heard him clearly and his statement made you giggle.

“Permission granted.”

“I’ll admit that as soon as you entered the lobby, I noticed you and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from you. Everything about your aura just captivated me and there was this pull, and I couldn’t ignore it. Then I saw you with your cute little pout as you read the menu, I just knew I had to talk to you.”

“I’m glad you did.”

Then you softly continued to dance, your bodies close as the music consumed you, but your scent engulfed him. Everything about you was hard to ignore and the more he felt your body, the harder it was to suppress his desires. Then you moved your leg so that it was in between his and he couldn’t stop you in time to feel the physical manifestation of his yearning.

You lifted your eyes to meet his. The carnal pools of ardour, so strong that sank deep into his veins, he held you by the neck to stop himself from devouring you right then and there.

“Take me back to the hotel.” You whispered against his lips.

[You]

By the time you arrived back at the hotel, your body was charged. You felt like you were on fire and the only person that could out it out was walking beside you with his arm around your waist. Then you slowly came to a halt in front of the hotel room door.

“You got the key?” He mumbled the question into your ear. You bit your lip, nodding your head as you brought the card out. Jacob shifted so that he was standing behind you. A shiver ran down your back and settled in your abdomen as his hands rubbed on the sides of your waist.

“Do you need me to open the door baby?” He softly spoke into your ear.

“No.” You cleared your throat as you swiped the card and the door unlocked. As you entered further into the room, the only lights that were on were the dimly lit lamps and whilst you could tell that that it was a beautiful suite, you were focused on the man that was behind you.

Jacob left you standing in the open space as he made sure that the door was locked and then he made his way back to you.

“Want me to put some music on?” He muttered. You shook your head from side to side in response. “What do you want?”

“I want you to kiss me.” You whispered. He closed the space that was in between you and cradled your face in the palms of his hands. You giggled as he stared down at you with a darkened gaze that held so much promise. You leaned up and grazed his bottom lip which caused the corner of his mouth to quirk upwards and you were not ashamed to feel the hunger that was bubbling to the surface. Without waiting for another moment, Jacob leaned down and pressed his lips against yours.

The feel of his mouth against yours was so much better than you imagined. His lips were so soft but his motion was forceful as he took control, kissing you as if your breath was his last. You moaned into the kiss as his hands travelled down your back to your ass. The softest whimper left your lips as he cupped and kneaded the rounded flesh.

“I like the sound of that.” Jacob whispered as he took off his cap and threw it on the ground before he moved to discarding his linen shirt. Just as your cropped t-shirt was off your body, he pulled you back into his body and captured your lips once more. “Jump.” He mumbled against your lips and you followed his instruction.

When you got to the bed, Jacob softly laid you down, never parting from the burning kiss that was melting you from the inside out. Passion controlled your moment as you stripped each other bare until you were left in just your underwear. You barely had any time to marvel at his physique before his body was covering yours again, landing his lips on yours once more before he turned his attention to your neck as he covered your chest with his large hands. Jacob flicked your nipples with his thumbs causing you to moan and arch into his palms.

“That feels so good.” You moaned and your eyes flattered open just enough to catch his smirk. Without words, he answered you by trailing lips further down onto your chest until one of your nipples was in his mouth and he suckled on it. He soothed the acute pain from the sucking with a flattened tongue and then he moved his mouth to your other nipple. The stimulation caused something fierce to pool in between your thighs. You squirmed beneath him as he paid beautiful attention to your chest. One nipple in your mouth and the other was kept trapped in between his fingers.

As your desire began to dampen your thighs, your need for friction was increasing. So you pushed him away and you softly kissed him as you ran your fingers down the contours of his torso until you wrapped your hand around the base of his girth. Jacob groaned as you tugged at him. He felt so hard, warm and thick in your palm and your mouth was salivating for a taste.

Just as you were about to shift downward, Jacob took your hand away from his dick and pushed you back until your back was on the sheets. He was on his knees in between your parted legs and you were finally able to look over his wonderful stature. His smooth, golden tanned skin. His chiselled, muscular build. He was perfectly sculpted and he was all yours.

Fuck, you were getting wetter just looking at him.

Your walls clenched around nothing as he placed chaste kisses on your stomach. “Tell me what you need Sweetheart.” He breathed against your skin.

You lifted your upper body onto your elbows and looked down at him. Those dark, hooded eyes were staring back up at you as he grabbed your ankle and lifted your leg onto his shoulder and pushed the other wider apart, taking in your glistening pussy. He unconsciously licked his lips as his fingers began to explore, parting your lips, letting the cool air in the room brush against you. You gasped as his thumb pressed on your swollen nub and you nearly buckled but you kept steady.

“You haven’t told me yet.” He taunted with a devilish smirk on his face as his fingers didn’t stop their exploration.

“I want you to eat my pussy Jacob.” You breathlessly let out as your wetness coated his fingers.

“Good girl.” He murmured with a wink before he dropped his head and pt his lips on exactly where you needed him the most.

You were not prepared for the way his tongue felt against your clit. Just as he did to your nipples, he did to your sensitive bud, adding the flick of his tongue.

“Oh fuck!” You moaned as your eyes closed and you fell back onto the pillow. Your hand shot down and ran through his black curls, pulling him closer to your hot core.

He paid attention to what was making you moan, what was making you sigh and what was causing your back to arch. He paid attention to your pleasure and that turned you on even more.

“You taste so good, baby.” Jacob groaned into you. As the vibration travelled through you, he pushed two fingers into your pussy and a sob broke out of you. Your hips rocked into his mouth as he curled his digits just enough to brush against your perfect spot. Your hands moved away from his body and gripped on the sheets as you panted. Your skin was beginning to dampen with your sweat as your orgasm quickly rose within you.

“Baby I’m gonna –.” You gasped a your hips moved faster with the pace of his fingers. The burn of his beard against your cunt added onto the sensation. “Right fucking there!”

Jacob didn’t move from the position that he was in.

You didn’t know if it was the way he was sucking and flicking his tongue on your clit or the accumulation of it all but your eyes scrunched shut as you finally climaxed. The intensity of it was so overwhelming, for a moment, all you could hear was white nose and the sound of your racing heart.

In your haze, you hadn’t felt the bed shift until Jacob came back. You felt his fingers against your cheek and then you opened your eyes.

“You okay?” He softly asked as if he had not just given you one of the best orgasms of your life.

“I’m more than okay.” You mumbled with a grin. Slowly, you opened your eyes to the picture of lust staring down at you. Hovering above you, Jacob leaned down and kissed you, pushing his tongue into your mouth. The reminisce of your essence, lingering on his lips. So dirty and had your pussy pulsating.

You sucked his bottom lip into your mouth which caused him to groan. As the kiss deepened with more frenzy, he climbed back on top of you. With your focus on his mouth, you heard the rustling of a packet. You pulled your mouth away long enough to watch Jacob rip the condom packet open and put it on.

Once he was done, he brought your legs to his waist.

“You ready for me, baby?” He asked.

“Mhm.” With a soft peck to your lips, he guided himself into you.

You both shared a moan.

“Oh my god.” Jacob was stretching every inch of you, the deeper he sank in. You were trying to keep your eyes open, to savour his reaction but he just felt so good.

“Baby.” You whimpered. He took your knee and put your leg back onto his shoulder which sunk him even deeper.

“So fucking tight.” He moaned. You watched his face for his reactions. The slight furrow of his eyebrows, the droplets of sweat beginning to slide down his forehead, the slight parting of his lips as he focused on his strokes.

“Please.” You whispered as you clenched around him.

“I knew you’d be perfect.” He mumbled against your lips. Jacob slowly pulled out and gave you one hard thrust. Your eyes widened with a loud gasp escaping you as he repeated the action.

A scream left you as he slowly set the pace of his strokes.

As the waves of pleasure rippled through your body, the sound of skin slapping on skin echoed through the room.

“Uuuhhh.” You choked on your whines as he pounded harder into you. You couldn’t shake the feeling of him burying himself inside so deep of you, over and over. The arousal overshadowed the pain of the stretch of his girth – the bittersweet feeling leaving you in a dizzy spell.

“Look at me.” Jacob growled as he put your other leg onto his shoulder and dug deeper. Through blurry vision, you looked at the man above you.

You had expected Jacob to be an expert lover but you never thought that he would be so dominating.

He hit one of your spots which caused your eyes to cross.

“There you go.” He licked his lips, chuckling. “Tell me how it feels.”

“So big…” You moaned

“Mhm.”

“So fucking deeep.”

“You’re so fucking wet baby, I gotta make sure I don’t slip out.”

“Oh shhiitt.” You whined, a loud moan quickly following after as he increased the pace. In your delirious state, you managed to catch him grinning down at you.

“Baby!” You hisses as you wrapped your hands on his wrists that were on either side of your head.

“You should have picked up on it now sweetheart, you gotta tell me what you want.”

His hips were moving faster, the slapping of his thighs against yours added more stimulation to your clit.

“I need to come.” You whimpered.

“You need to or you’re going to?”

“I’m going to come!”

“That’s it.” He leaned down, folding you even more so that he could kiss you. Jacob moved your legs from his shoulders and held them apart spread-eagle, giving you slower and longer strokes with an added roll to his hips. His tip was smoothly rubbing against your sweet spot.

The tightness in your stomach quickly took hold and your legs began to tremble. You wee left breathless at the overwhelming intensity of the ecstasy building inside of you.

“I can feel it coming, baby. You’re squeezing me so nice and tight.” Jacob groaned as his eyes rolled softly. “You gonna come for me?’ He asked. But you were too far gone to give a verbal answer so you just frantically nodded her head.

The tight coil quickly snapped and your body seized.

“That’s a good girl. So fucking good.” Jacob groaned. “Come all over my dick, soak that shit.” He spoke through your orgasm and all you could do was grip onto the sheets tighter as wave after wave swarmed your body. He didn’t stop moving his hips and with your quaking, it forced his peak to rise to the surface before his climax overcame him. With a loud moan, Jacob collapsed onto your chest as he filled the condom.

You hugged his body and ran your fingers through his damp hair. You could still feel the tremors of your orgasm as you laid beneath him. The both of you completely satiated and spent.

Finally, Jacob rolled off you and laid by your side. In silence, all you could hear was your heavy breathing.

“Fucking hell Mr Scipio.” You spoke up. “Can I have my soul back?” Your question caused Jacob to burst out laughing, eventually you joined him in the laughter.

“We have three more condoms left sweetheart.” He licked his lips before he turned his head to look at you. “So I won’t be giving you back your soul just yet.”

reading list: @fineanddandy @marzzrambles @murrylove @mineymak @lovedlover @planetblaque @deja-r @kiraonthegooo @apimp-named-slickback @playgurlxoxo @gojosbabyma @heytaewrites @leilaxaliel @dyttomori @tasteofmyrainboe @livvy-lovess @violetmuses @jeanellepatrice @kaisage45 @planetnique @adriennegabriella @deborahspalace @jadawada1z @delusionalbutterfly @msdmc1 @probablyintensemuses @stucklikeglue6 @reci1996 @muglermami @hereiheal @aisharmi @jasvishaawrites @lewisroscoelove @klaussstilinski @avoidthings @g1oba1-s1ore

[inkdrinkerworld]

HIS M.E

Jethro has a little crush on Ducky’s caffeine addicted assistant ME and he’s trying very hard not to let it show.

A/n: I JUST NEED THIS OUT OF MY BRAIN OKAY? All fluff and a little secret feelings! Everyone knows they like each other though, I’m sure they’ve got betting pools for when Jethro is finally going to ask you out; or you ask him.

Gibbs finds you adorable but fights it every time he comes into autopsy. You’re a caffeinated, energizer bunny of a person, but you’re an incredible medical examiner.

You’re the youngest on the team, and you’re cute. He’s not blind and he’s not ignorant to his feelings.

He is, however, not going to act on them.

You’re Ducky’s assistant and you’re whip smart, he likes that the most about you.

How quick you’re able to make connections, how you carry on Ducky’s thoughts and ask just the right question when the investigation gets a little stuck.

Jethro likes you, and he suspects you know it.

“What do you have for me Duck?” He asks as the doors to autopsy open, and finds only you, slurping a Caff-Pow that Abby got you hooked on.

“Oh, Ducky went out.” You say, slipping your hands back into gloves as you start moving over to the body on the table.

“What did you find?” If his voice softens just a fraction that’s no one’s business.

“The victim died from asphyxiation, there’s also gunshot wounds, but based on the way the skin tissue looks, it was all postmortem.” Jethro watches as you point and gesture to the body, voice steady even if you seem a little excited that you’ve got his full attention.

“The killer had to have been someone they knew, because there’s no sign of a struggle on the body. Maybe they were asleep? We’re still waiting for the brain sample results to come in.”

He’s about to walk out when you turn to him.

“I wasn’t finished, Jethro.” You and Ducky are the only ones who call him that now, and he won’t lie it makes his heart speed a little; he definitely ignores that because he’s too old.

Instead, he stops at the door, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling.

“What else, Y/n?” He tries to sound exasperated, but his fondness for you colours his words completely.

You giggle at the realization, and sit on the stool as you continue.

“There’s also this case of enucleation. Ducky and I can’t be sure, but it looks like this was also done postmortem. The question is why. None of the other marines lost their eyes, just this one.”

He sighs, long and hard. It is a weird trait to have on only one of the bodies.

“Maybe this one was the important one. Did Abby get a hit on the identification of the body?”

Just then she calls and you rush over to answer her call.

“Anything Abs?” You ask, leaning into the screen and giving her your full attention.

Gibbs smiles, watching you listen with rapt attention to every side story Abby gives you.

“Abby, the name?” He calls from behind you and you straighten like you’ve been caught with your hand in the cookie jar before dinner.

“Oh hey Gibbs,” he gives her a little nod, coming to stand just beside you. “The victim’s name is Lieutenant Georgia Landon. She wasn’t married, but her friends said that she’d been going on dates with one guy, a Mr. White, no first name.”

You nod, already trying to come to connect dots for the team.

“But there’s got to be at least a few hundred ‘White’s in the country Abs.”

She nods at your words, smiling at how you’ve beaten Gibbs to the punch and he only folds his arms across his chest with the smallest smile ever.

“I know. I’m trying to see if I can get anything by looking into their date spots, but it’s gonna take me a minute.”

Gibbs nods, “Good work Abby.”

“What about me?” You mumble, eyes soft and a little tired behind your glasses. He can’t seem to help himself as he leans close and kisses your cheek.

“Good work.”

As he’s leaving he hears you whisper to her, “Do you think another Caff-Pow now would be too much?”

Gibbs shakes his head, “You need to eat lunch before you have another one, Y/n.”

[swetblom]

LOVED UR RECENT BRIAN ONE, ill literally take any more you could do, I'm so despereate LOL, maybe u could do one where he gets jelly or something idk? anyway love ur work mwah!!!

᧔•᧓ jealous! brian, ( ﹢ brian & his angel ) ݁ ⊹ 𓈒 OHMYG ⠀ THANK YOU SOO MUCH! i think we’re all desperate and of ⠀ course, already had a little idea in mind! mwah!

the both of you had decided to have dinner at his apartment tonight and, as always, he was cooking. the lights in his apartment were dim as you sat at the island, watching his back muscles fix with each rotation of the spoon in the pot. it’s almost like he feels you staring, because just as you’re about to sink deeper into your daydream, he turns with a soft grin and asks, “want a sample?”

you don’t hesitate to get off the stool, eager if it meant you were closer to him. he spoons up a bit of pasta, blows it gently so he doesn’t burn your mouth, then feeds it to you. you nod as you savor it, “its good.”

he takes a bite himself, and his face turns up in concentration. “feel like it’s missing something sweet.” you frown, confused. it tastes fine to you. but when he looks at you with a playful expression, your demeanor instantly mirror his. “hm, maybe i should throw you in!”

the two of you laugh as he pulls you into his side to kiss your lips. short, ‘i missed you’ kisses are quick to turn into open mouth ones—until he pulls away suddenly. “don’t want it to burn,” he whispers, his breath still warm against your lips. your pout doesn’t go unnoticed and he even goes as far as to mirror it playfully, making you smile before pulling away from you entirely to lower the heat.

for a moment, he takes a minute to speak again, still savoring the taste of you on his lips. then, finally, “how was your day?”

“hm, same as any but i noticed the guy that i was talking to you about hasn’t been there for some days.”

brian doesn’t react immediately. he takes his time, like he’s letting the words settle. then, ever so casually, his movements become slow, he exhales, and speaks. “people should really learn boundaries, huh?” his focus stays on the warm pot, but you aren’t sure if he’s actually thinking about it at all. his voice is smooth, light—almost amused. too amused.

his face is still relaxed, but his lips slightly part and you see his jaw go sharp for a moment before it releases. you don’t think much of it—not at first. but then his dark eyes flicker to yours, studying your reaction. just for a second. like he’s waiting.

his gaze is unreadable, neither shocked nor concerned, like the words are just words to him. the silence stretches just long enough to feel off. and then, in an instant, it’s gone. not being able to stand seeing his angel’s face clouded with worry, his expression softens, his lips curling into that cute, disarming smile—the one that makes her forget every bad thought before it even fully forms.

he quick to reach for you. “don’t look so worried, angel,” he murmurs, brushing his fingers under your chin. “I’m right here.” you lean into his touch without much thought at all because you trusts him. you always does.

[nicnak20]

A detailed examination; Charlie Mayhew:

*When Yn goes in for a regular checkup with her new doctor, she ends getting examined by a handsome young doctor who provides a very detailed examination on her. *

Yn swayed her feet back and forth against the cushiony leather table- the paper crinkling underneath her. Her arms prickled goosebumps- they always did whenever she stepped into the sterile domain of the hospital.

If it wasn't the muffled sounds of hospital chatter, then it was the metallic of the shiny instruments hanging on the walls. Feeling the thin paper gown bellow over her body, Yn felt her body flush with heat. The hair over her arms stuck up like pins in a cushion. She had an appointment with a new doctor: Doctor Mayhew. Maybe he was an older doctor; gray hair on the sides of her hair, a kind worn in smile that he gave to all his patients. Or maybe a sweet but stern woman with crinkles in around her eyes and subtle blue eyes that stared back at her with a sympathetic seriousness.

Yn found that thinking of the mysterious Doctor Mayhew distracted her from the waiting that seemed to be lingering on and on.

A knock on the door sounded and it startled Yn a bit. "Come in,"

In walked a young doctor- dark brown hair slicked and styled, a rich dimpled smile and settled down demeanor. "Hello, Miss Yn," he scanned the clipboard, "I'm Dr. Mayhew and I'll be taking care of you today." He reached out his hand for Yn to shake, before heading over to the counter.

Yn felt her heart speed up. Her face flushed a bit as Dr. Mayhew settled on the stool as he went over Yn's medical history. Feeling a bit small in his presence, Yn turned her attention to her thumbs that kept shuffling over and under each other- a nervous habit she picked up in the third grade.

Dr. Mayhew cleared his throat before holding the clipboard up and turning his attention to Yn.

"Do you smoke?"

"No."

"Engage in any form of drug use?" "No."

"Drink more than twice a day?" Yn shook her head.

A silence fell over the room until the questions became more invasive. "How are your cycles- are your periods regular?"

"...yes."

"Have you ever had any STDs?" "No... I'm a virgin." Dr. Mayhew's eyebrows lifted a bit. "This is just routine but- do you suspect pregnancy or have been pregnant in the past?"

"No." Dr. Mayhew wrote something down on the clipboard before setting it down on the counter and moving towards the foot of the table. Grabbing the little light from his lab coat, he shined it in Yn's eyes, then her ears and then inside her mouth and nose.

"Checks out nicely...." Dr. Mayhew then swiveled over and grabbed a small swivel tray where he set down a few supplies, but Yn's eyes zeroed in on a speculum and a few sample brushes.

Understanding what this exam was about: the period questions, the STDs and the pregnancy routine questions, Yn understood that she was about to receive a very detailed examination by the handsome doctor she had felt so intimidated by.

Her face flushed even warmer when he pulled the thick metal stirrups out that seemed to be hidden under the table. "Before I preform the pelvic exam, I would like to do a breast exam first. It checks for any cancers that might be there."

Carefully undoing the top of Yn's gown, it slid down leaving Yn's bare breast to pop out. They felt cold and care against the air of the room. Dr. Mayhew warmed up his hands after washing them in the sink. Walking back over, he carefully touched Yn's breast and squeezed it carefully- tickling the sensitive nipples with his palms.

Checking the other breast, Yn turned her attention to the stirrups that stuck out; like Dr. Mayhew wanted to taunt her with the looming exam that was to befall her after her simple breast check she was being given in the moment. Yn felt herself become wet but tried to stifle any reactions; professionally as she would've liked it to be for herself as well.

Her nipples became denser the more they were touched. They bounced back from the doctor's touches until they were surprisingly squeezed and pinched a bit from the clamps being placed over them. Five seconds turned into a minute as Dr. Mayhew wrote down some information on his clipboard.

"Alright," he removed the clips from Yn's nipples that were now hard and pointed. He helped Yn dress her gown over her chest before scooting down to end of the table again. "Just lay back Yn," A shudder fell down Yn's spine as she complied and laid back against the table. She felt the thin paper press against the nape of her back as Dr. Mayhew gentle guided her feet into the stirrups.

Feeling the warmth of his hands touch her cool feet, Yn's body warmed. Hearing the loud elastic snap of latex gloves made her cheeks flush with a deep redness. Glancing over and seeing the white gloves wrapped over Dr. Mayhew's large hands made a red fall over face- warming her cheeks with a burning sting.

Grabbing her hips, Dr. Mayhew scooted Yn down to the edge of the table and spread her legs gently, pushing back the gown from around her legs until her inner thighs hit the light and her vagina was exposed in front of the doctor. He kindly shined the light over her intimates, enlivening the peachy rose-colored flesh of her bottom too.

Exposed and artless, Yn felt herself sink deeper and deeper into the bitter hole of humiliation. Feeling Dr. Mayhew's gloved hands touch the lips of her vagina, Yn blushed. Alert to the wetness of herself, Dr. Mayhew seemed to take note of this and arched his eyebrow about the other. A smirk appeared across his face as without warning, his finger dug into Yn's little hole. Hearing the silk wet sounds of his finger adventuring inside of Yn, she tried to drum out the exam with the slight buzzing ring of the overhead lights.

"Okay..." grabbing the speculum, Dr. Mayhew touched it to Yn's inner thigh. "I'm going to insert the speculum now... it might feel a bit cool."

As the smooth metallic slid into you, the coolness penetrated through your body. Afraid to even glance up between your legs and see a focused- and determined- Dr. Mayhew poking and prodding around inside of you. Feeling the tingling cramping from the brush ticking her cervix, Yn was instructed to breathe deep and focus on the celling.

Yn could feel herself leaking her fluids. The speculum was removed with a string of cum still sticking to the tip. Dr. Mayhew used his finger as an interrupter and wrapped the string around his finger before setting it down on the sterile cloth. He stood up and lubricated his two fingers. "I'm going to do the bimanual exam now; you'll feel me go inside and palpate your ovaries. This is to check for any abnormalities."

Before Yn could reply, she felt the cool gelled fingers slid inside her and twist around- mixing in with her own juices. With his other hand, Dr. Mayhew lifted Yn's gown and exposed her mid-section. She knew he was staring at her slim waist and body frame, taking in the etches of her slender, soft curves. Pressing down just above her pubic bone, Yn adverted her attention to anything else- even though she could feel the doctor's eyes on her. He's just seeing if I'm in pain she thought to herself, daring not to even take one simple look into his intense eyes.

After what felt like an eternity, Dr. Mayhew's fingers slid out and he discarded the used glove. Donning on another one, Yn flinched at the sound of rubbery latex. "I'm going to do the rectal vaginal exam and then a digital rectal exam now."

The squirting sound of lube echoed again and soon Dr. Mayhew's fingers were deep inside Yn's other puckered hole and her vagina. The pressure was becoming too much, and Yn truly wanted the earth to swallow her whole. As the procedure ended, Yn thought the worst to be behind her.

Then she was instructed to get on all fours.

Her feet were guided out of the stirrups and as Dr. Mayhew was sliding them back up into the table, Yn was positioned like a dog or cat wanting to be pet.

The backside of her gown was flung open, and her round bottom was fully exposed against the glaring lights and the handsome doctor's eyes. Hearing more gloves being snapped on, Yn felt her cheeks being spread and she realized that she was at no mercy anymore. A cool wet feeling touched her hidden hole and soon not one, not two, but a whole hand was sliding into her backside, disappearing within her crack.

"A standard hemorrhoid check," Dr. Mayhew said, "it also helps detect for any intestinal problems." Yn understood it meant constipation. Her backside now wet with a determined hand rooting around inside her like she was hiding something in there.

Her face turned scarlet- destroyed by being so undignified by a 'routine physical' that she began to regret even showing up for. Gasping, trying to hide her obvious discomfort and embarrassment became more of the same ambition that Dr. Mayhew had within himself to even suggest an exam like this. Hiding her face in the paper sheets, Yn could only just endure the horrifying treatment of being dug into.

"All done." Dr. Mayhew announced as his hand was removed. Grabbing tissues, he cleaned Yn up and discarded his used gloves. "Your exam went very well, Miss Yn." Helping the young woman sit back up, Yn had to force herself to make eye contact.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Yn. I'll send the samples to the lab, and they'll have your results in a week or so." He smiled.

"Thank you." Yn sheepishly said. "It was my pleasure." Dr. Mayhew shook Yn's hand again before excusing himself out of the room, dismissing Yn from her appointment.

Gathering her clothes, Yn changed into them as quickly as possible, before running out of the hospital, hoping to leave behind the deep shame that had brewed from it.

"A nice warm bubble bath outa do the trick." She said to herself on the car ride home.

She hoped deep down that maybe it would soothe the humiliating procedures from her mind, but not totally erase the doctor that she genuinely did have a pleasure meeting.

[astvrook]

PARALLEL PULSE. (l. heeseung)

pairing: heeseung x fem. reader

summary: a mutual, calculated obsession between you (who studies the mind) and heeseung (he who plays with the pressure) becomes a game of stares, silences and wounds that only end when one accepts that the other is no longer looking at him.

content warnings: psychological slow-burn, mutual obsession, reciprocal stalking, toxic romance, college basketball, pain as love language, emotional thriller.

w/c: 6.5k+

you've never been to a college party before. not really.

the narrow corridors and the electric murmur squeezed your chest as if the air was harder to breathe. beside you, minju, confident and bright as ever, took your elbow and pulled you along with her usual decisiveness, as if she knew exactly what you were doing there.

in that overwhelming atmosphere, you made your way through agitated bodies, strobe lights and wobbling glasses. other people's sweat brushed against your skin and every laugh sounded louder than it needed to. part of you wanted to turn on your heels and walk out. but another (a darker, more muted one) wanted to stay. it wanted to see.

minju led you into a semicircle of tall guys, all in sportswear, easy laughter and that masculine energy that fills the air without asking permission.

"guys," she said, with a smile that knew how to turn heads, "meet my partner: (y/n)."

no sooner had the words left her mouth than one of them, jake (hair unkempt, jacket open, smile dangerous) raised his bottle theatrically.

"does he study psychology too? watch out! she'll dissect us all with his eyes."

"only if you drink enough. if not, it's not funny," you replied, playing with the wet rim of your glass without taking your eyes off them. or rather, from him.

in the middle of them all, leaning on one leg, half-sitting on a makeshift stool, was heeseung. the number 3 knotted around his waist looked like part of his skin. his glass hung between his fingers, but he wasn't drinking. he just looked at you.

the rest exchanged laughter, comments about jake's drunkenness or the lack of dj, but not heeseung. he tilted his head with the precision of someone who knows the weight of a look.

his voice was clear, low, pointed straight at you. "what exactly are you studying, (y/n)?"

"cognition and emotion," you said, and your voice came out firmer than you expected. you knew what you were doing. you were planting a seed. and if he watered it... it would grow crooked.

"in short, i study how people make decisions. like throwing a triple under pressure," you added, letting your voice caress the edge of his vanity.

hee he laughed. but it wasn't just any laugh. it was one of those belly-born, savouring laughs, as if something inside him was clicking.

"i'd give you thesis material every day," he muttered, swirling the glass without drinking. as if he already knew you'd stare at him longer than the rest.

jake joked some more. sangwon, too. but none of that mattered anymore. because, after a while, when the group broke up, when the music got louder, and the glasses changed hands, you were still there.

and so was heeseung.

then, in an instant that was no coincidence, you caught yourself looking at his t-shirt.

"personal choice or inherited superstition?"

"family custom," he said, but there was something else in his tone. a kind of restrained pride. as if he was letting you into a private room that few ever set foot in.

"interesting..." you praised him, taking an inward step towards that door. "middle child, forced balance, gentle pressure... do you like to be watched or understood?"

there was a slight flicker in him. a minimal reaction, but it didn't go unnoticed. you had touched him without touching him.

and you knew it.

"do you always analyse people you've just met like this?" heeseung asked.

"only if the sample cooperates."

"first party?" heeseung asked, as the lights changed to a pulsating red and people began to dance with more abandon.

you had to lean in slightly to hear him. he was close, but not close enough. he was keeping a distance that wasn't carelessness, it was calculation.

"yes. is it very noticeable?"

"nop," he said. "but i guessed. you're not here to socialise. you watch too much."

you smiled, barely turning your face so that the light outlined your jaw. you wanted him to notice. and he did.

"what about you? you come to be watched or to hide in the crowd?"

he shrugged. "it depends on who's looking."

there was silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable. it was as if the sounds of the party were being muffled just to make room for them. your drink was half gone. he hadn't had a drink. he just played with the glass, as if it were an extension of his patience.

minju suddenly reappeared, dragging you onto the dance floor with a laugh and a vague promise not to abandon you. you let yourself go, though your gaze, from the second you turned around, kept hanging on his.

and he... heeseung didn't stop looking at you.

you were a few feet away, barely moving to the rhythm of the music, but you knew it. you felt it. every move you made, every slight twist of hip or strand of hair you absentmindedly touched, was for him. for him to keep watching.

and he did. as if he was recording.

as if you had already embedded yourself in his head with gentle claws.

when you stopped to take a breath, you turned again. his eyes were still there, dark and held like a crooked promise.

you stumbled slightly as you tried to get closer. it was minimal, almost imperceptible, but it was enough for a girl (one of those who had joined in later) to point at you with a giggle. "hey! everything all right? you're going to take someone with you."

"i'm looking for someone," he replied without thinking.

immediately after, his gaze returned to you. steady.

as if she was answering you, and not her.

"the one in the black dress? do you know her?" insisted the girl, looking in the same direction.

heeseung didn't answer right away. his tongue barely passed the edge of his lips. then he smiled, but without grace.

"no. she knows me."

the girl laughed, thinking it was a joke. heeseung didn't.

(...)

the first time heeseung saw you up close, you knew he wouldn't be enough for you.

it wasn't just his height or the wide eyes as if he never let his guard down. it was something in the way he held guilt gracefully, as if the world had to forgive him just for existing. he walked with a shadow behind his neck, one that could not be seen, but which you sensed from the first second.

that's how, days later, you saw him leave the coach's office. the expression hard, the jaw clenched. he wore a silent fury on his shoulders, and a barely concealed smack at the corner of his lip. the mobile phone glowed in his hand, but his fingers moved as if it didn't matter what he was typing. everything about him was tension.

you liked it when men were really broken.

not broken by sadness, but by mistakes. by desire.

you followed him with dissimulation. you walked with your papers clutched to your chest, masking the quickening in your chest every time he stopped to look at his mobile phone. until he bumped into another girl. not you. another one.

and that hurt.

however, he looked at you. right after. and you did what you knew would spark something in him.

you ignored him.

you looked at him for just a second (just long enough to know he saw you) and turned your face away as if he didn't deserve attention. like it was a noise in the middle of the hallway. you didn't know if it would work, but emptiness can be as sharp as a smile.

that night you wrote about it. not a journal. no. just sentences. single words.

heeseung.

dried blood in your mouth.

guilty without remorse.

(...)

from that moment on, everything was a slow poison. you realised that you were looking for him with your eyes even when you pretended not to. you knew his routine by heart: on tuesdays he trained for an extra hour, on thursdays he came by the music room even though he didn't study there. you learned his footsteps, his shadows, the sound of his backpack moving against his back.

you never came closer than necessary.

you didn't greet him. you didn't feign interest. you were just there. steady. persistent. like a fever.

you watched him from the stands, and when he looked back at you for more than two seconds, you looked down.

it was a dance. if he took a step, you stepped back. if he ran, you followed. if he stopped... so did you.

once, you saw him look back as you walked a few feet away. he turned his head, fast. as if he expected to find you.

and you felt sick with pleasure.

the first time you saw him disappear into a bathroom, you didn't follow him.

the second, you did.

you didn't go in. you just walked up to the door. locked. silent.

but you knew he was there. you could feel him on the other side. as if his thoughts were pressing against the wood. and then you didn't hold back: with the long nail of your index finger, you brushed the surface once. a caress that was not loving, but possessive. as if to say: "you're trapped, you know that, don't you?"

you didn't wait for an answer and just left.

that night you dreamt that he opened the door, grabbed you by the neck and kissed you as if it were a punishment.

and you woke up with your legs shaking.

(...)

heeseung knew you were stalking him.

at first, it was just a suspicion. a diffuse sensation, as if someone was breathing too close to him in an empty place. the kind of shiver that comes for no reason and sticks to the skin, like a shadow without an owner.

he noticed you for the first time after the scolding. his knuckles were still tense, his pride bruised, and one word stuck on his tongue like a thorn: shame. he was leaving the coach's office, his mouth dry and his thoughts dirty, when you crossed his field of vision. you didn't collide. you didn't greet each other. you didn't even feign surprise.

you were just there.

a few feet away, walking in the same direction, so casual it was forced.

and yet... when his eyes fell on you, he knew.

you'd been looking at him before.

not just that time. before.

that was the first day you felt the tingling in the back of your neck during training. it wasn't sweat or exertion: it was your attention. invisible, constant. like a thin rope knotted around your throat.

from then on, he began to look for you. not consciously. at first, it was just a mental trap: if you were here again... if i saw you... would it be a coincidence?

but there you were.

sitting in the stands, with two other girls who didn't bother to hide their boredom. you were. you pretended to laugh, distracted. but when you thought he wasn't looking at you, your eyes were on him.

always on him.

you held his gaze for just a second. then you avert your gaze, as if you don't want him to notice anything.

but heeseung noticed everything.

and for the first time he thought: "she is following me. she is watching me. she is studying me." and "am i being... stalked?"

the thought didn't frighten him.

it excited him.

it wasn't flirtation. it wasn't anonymous messages or silly flowers. it was a silent, raw, unadorned obsession.

you weren't trying to get him to like you. you just wanted him.

as the days went by, it wasn't paranoia anymore. it was routine.

he was starting to wait for you without wanting to. in the hallways where you shouldn't be. at the end of practice. in the shadows that lined your schedule.

sometimes he'd see you before you saw him. he'd watch you pretending you didn't.

and knowing it filled him with something he couldn't name.

it wasn't power. it wasn't control.

it was sick desire.

once, he heard your laughter behind him. he knew it by now. it was lower than your friends'. more restrained. as if you never laughed at all, as if you kept something to yourself.

he stopped in front of a vending machine just to confirm that you were behind him.

and yes.

your footsteps.

your silence.

your perfume barely perceptible, sweet and cold as a glass blade.

he didn't turn around. not that day. but the smile that curved his lips was dark. uncontrollable.

"do it again" heeseung thought. "look at me again. follow me again. don't stop now."

and that night he touched himself with rage.

he didn't think of naked bodies or caresses. he thought of you behind him.

in your fixed eyes.

in your persistent footsteps.

of the idea that you thought you were in control.

and as he did, he imagined turning. grabbing your arm. pressing you against the wall, stripping you of your thoughts without even brushing against you.

he didn't need to kiss you.

it was enough for him to look at you knowing that you knew he knew.

because of this, he changed too: heeseung started to follow you too.

not always. not in an obvious way.

but if you were in the hallways, he would stop more than usual. if you were sitting down, he'd pass the same place twice. if you looked down, he'd smile.

because now the game was mutual. and you didn't know it.

but heeseung already had you, and he wasn't about to let you go.

(...)

third time-out.

the coach's whistle cuts through the air like a whiplash. the team huddles on the bench, panting, towels around their necks and eyes on the floor.

heeseung wipes the sweat from his brow with automatic slowness, his pulse still too high.

beside him, jihoon leans over and speaks softly, as if sharing a forbidden secret:

"that one over there?" he gestures slightly with his chin towards the bleachers, not daring to point. "the one with the black folder. do you know who she is?"

heeseung looks up with feigned disinterest, but his chest has already hardened as if he's waiting for something.

and yes, there you are.

fourth row. legs crossed. notebook on your lap, open, but with an empty page. you're not writing. you haven't written anything since you arrived.

your eyes, however, heeseung notices them on his skin like a warm, constant pressure. like an invisible burn.

fixed.

intense.

too long staring at him.

"why?" heeseung asks, adjusting his wrist band with a calm he doesn't feel.

"she's weird, man. weird weird." jihoon snorts, uncomfortable. "she always shows up when we train. same seat. same time. and she doesn't blink. yesterday we finished at nine-thirty, and she's still sitting there, staring at the empty gym like a bloody statue. she doesn't talk to anyone. she only leaves when you leave."

heeseung feels a strange throbbing, like a spark of joy that shakes him inside. he hides it by lowering his gaze.

"maybe she has a class later," he murmurs. but his voice sounds hollow, because he already knows it's a lie.

jihoon shrugs, scratching the back of his neck as if he's trying to pick at his worry with his fingernails: "class? ten o'clock at night? in a closed gym, and no backpack? she doesn't even have pencils, just that red pen." he pauses. "it seems to write down your every move, man. it gives me goose bumps."

and then it happens.

heeseung smiles.

he doesn't decide. he doesn't control it.

he just feels his lips curl, slow, as if his face responds only to the twisted pleasure of hearing it out loud: she follows him.

and someone else has noticed.

but it's not shame he feels.

it's something far worse.

pride.

fascination.

a hunger that churns in his stomach like an awakened animal.

heeseung lowers his head to hide it. he picks up the ball between his fingers. he feigns concentration, and when he looks up once more... you are no longer watching him.

but you haven't left.

you haven't moved.

your red pen is still stopped at the same spot on the blank sheet of paper.

and he knows: you are listening.

(...)

weeks went by without words. only glances, sharp gazes and mute promises.

but you were still there.

and then, one ordinary day, after the group shower, the atmosphere was still steaming as the last supporter left the locker room, only the hot water jets hitting the tiles and the muffled echo of laughter fading down the hallway.

heeseung stayed a few minutes longer, his forehead pressed against the cold wall, letting the water trickle down the back of his neck and into the grooves of his back. his eyes were narrowed; not from the soap, but from the feeling that he was still being watched from somewhere he couldn't quite place.

the rest of the team had left naked, towel-drying and making jokes about jay and a supposedly forbidden love. heeseung, however, took his time: he rubbed his scalp vigorously, as if trying to shake off the desire and weariness clinging to it, and let the water mist the fresh scar next to his cheekbone.

when he finally turned off the tap, the silence was so sudden that he heard the drip of his own sweat mixing with the water in the drain. he wrapped himself in the towel, ran a hand through his still dripping hair and walked towards the central bench, where his things lay strewn about.

it was then that the footsteps outside stopped.

a moment before, he had made out a straggling silhouette at the entrance to the locker room, just a fleeting flash of a denim jacket. now, as he stepped out with his towel wrapped around his waist, he found the hallway empty, except for the dull echo of something falling to the floor. immediately afterwards, a familiar voice rang out, and next to it appeared the image of you.

"(y/n)!"

heeseung tensed like a rope. he had not heard your name out loud since he first heard it. and as he turned, he saw you. on the floor. picking up your books.

water still trickled down the sides of his torso, tracing lines that got lost in the edge of the towel.

he noticed how your toes stopped at the sight of his bare feet, how your breathing became faster, shallower.

and then you looked up.

one second. two.

your eyes were fixed on him with the same intensity with which he felt that gaze: like a needle piercing the skin and staying there, vibrating. he didn't cover himself; he didn't back away. he just let the water fall in sound drops on the linoleum, as if each one said: i've got you. i got you. i've got you.

and heeseung didn't hesitate.

he came closer. he crouched beside you. his fingers touched yours by accident as he picked up one of the books:

cognition and emotion.

psychology of obsessive behaviour.

affective theories in extreme attachments.

and he, unable to help himself, let his thumb linger a second longer on the cover, feeling the warmth of your hand still imprinted on the binding. your scent was faint, but it was there, almost illicit amidst the steam. the touch between the two of you was not accidental: it was slow, heavy with intent, like an invisible thread tugging at both of you.

he almost laughed. it was too perfect.

you were reading him.

you were studying it.

to understand you?

to understand him?

behind you, the locker room was still dripping.

but the only sound that counted was the sound of your breathing, in time with his, as if you were both submerged under the same water.

"did you bump into someone?" then sangwon asked, trying to be the funny guy.

"no, i'm fine," you said, in a voice that heeseung inwardly thought was the most intimate sound in the world.

then he saw something else: a folded leaf among your books. heeseung, dazzled, doesn't take his eyes off your hands. and he sees the page scrawled with his name.

a lee heeseung eleven, fifteen, twenty times, written in red.

a heart in pencil between the lines.

heeseung felt a knot tighten in his stomach. a mixture of vertigo and hunger.

and when he looked up, you were looking at him. directly. as if you no longer wanted to hide it.

as if he belonged to you.

"heeseung," you whispered. not as a greeting. as confirmation. as possession.

"do you stumble a lot, or only when you want someone to help you?" heeseung asked, not taking his eyes from yours.

the silence between you was almost intimidating.

the air grew tense.

your gazes met like sheathed blades, charged with a wet, contained electricity.

"i do it only when i expect the right person to reach out to me," you replied, softly, with a slight tremor that sounded more like desire than embarrassment.

sangwon stepped in just then. shit.

"look who's coming!" he joked, pointing down the hall. "heeseung's girlfriend"

and heeseung saw her: minah.

she wasn't there for him. she was just passing by, oblivious, talking on the phone as she walked towards the exit. her hair was short now, copper-coloured, and she was wearing a beige jumper that had once been hers (he recognised the wear on the collar). she gave him a slight nod when she saw him, without stopping.

heeseung returned the gesture, automatic, emotionless.

and instantly, he felt the air shift behind him.

a change in pressure.

a shadow tightening.

heeseung turned and there you were. five metres away and books against your chest.

your eyes flicked from him to minah, then back to him; the light you had before faded a degree, as if someone had turned down the dimmer.

"girlfriend?" you asked. without tone. without emotion. without looking at him.

sangwon, who didn't get it at all, cracked the joke.

"it's a joke, it's a joke. you're over it, aren't you, heeseung? although he was obsessed with her for a while."

the word dropped like a stone in a still lake.

heeseung noticed how your jaw clenched. how your knuckles turned white on the folder.

obsessed? said right in front of you.

when you were the one writing his name.

who hid in the crowd to see him.

but eerily, you returned to your usual expression. as if you were putting on a mask. one that didn't fool him.

"well, guys. i have class," you said. and it was a lie.

heeseung knew it. your schedule had been empty for hours.

"so soon?" he asked, with ill-concealed desperation.

"yes," you said, and picked up your books, clutched them to your chest, and started walking in the opposite direction. "goodbye, sangwon. and... goodbye, heeseung."

and as you walked away, heeseung wanted to chase you.

he wanted to yell at you.

he wanted to take your arm and tell you that he knew everything.

because he didn't just want your eyes anymore.

he wanted your time.

your attention.

your madness.

and only for him.

(...)

heeseung knows something is wrong when the bleachers in the gymnasium are empty.

the fourth row, the same seat, that space that seemed rightfully yours - the one where you left your black notebook, where you stayed even when no one else was watching the games, where your presence outweighed the entire crowd - is now empty.

not a backpack.

not a pencil.

not even you.

heeseung think it's a coincidence.

maybe you were late. maybe you changed places.

maybe it was only one day.

but two happen.

three.

and the gap is not filled. you're not there.

not in the bleachers, not in front of the gym, not at the practice exit like before, where you used to stop pretending to look at your mobile phone just to match him.

now, when heeseung sees you (because he still sees you, even if you don't look at him anymore) it's different.

you walk hand in hand with your friends, amidst high-pitched laughter and quick steps. you speak louder than before. your gestures are wide, open, as if the air were not so heavy without it.

you don't look for it.

you don't look for it.

and it hurts.

it hurts more than the knee fall in the semi-final. more than the cheekbone injury after the party. more than the coach's punch when he made him run until he threw up.

because this doesn't bleed.

this rots inside.

and yet it goes on.

he stops by the water trough when he knows you'll pass by. the water runs, bright, crystal clear. he doesn't drink, and you brush past his shoulder.

without seeing him.

without stopping.

and the touch (that light touch) is not a gift, it is a punishment.

it reminds him of what he lost. it reminds him that you no longer see him. it reminds him that someone else could take that place.

and then... jaehyun.

the cafeteria is full. the air is thick, saturated with fried food and words, but all is silenced when heeseung sees you laugh.

not shy smiles. not those looks that were just for him.

no.

now you laugh with jaehyun.

you share a computer screen and you tell him something about linear regression. something banal. something stupid. but your laughter is genuine.

your gaze is soft.

your body is relaxed.

and jaehyun leans in.

and you tuck his hair behind his ear as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

as if it were your own.

heeseung blinks. his finger presses the button on the sugar-free coffee once, twice, three times.

the cup fills.

the plastic creaks under his hand, deformed by the pressure.

the coffee splashes, and he doesn't even notice.

because, at that precise moment, you belonged to someone else, and that can't be.

(...)

a week later, heeseung has stopped waiting.

now he acts.

so, first comes the coincidences.

he sits two tables behind you in the library, close enough to smell your perfume as you settle your neck.

he gets on the bus and chooses the seat right behind yours, so close that he hears your breath against the fogged window.

you cross the same aisles, at the same times.

where you go, he appears.

where you turn, he's watching.

but you do nothing. you don't run away. you don't confront him. you just... ignore him.

and that is worse.

next, come the messages: a post-it on your locker, no signature, no context. just your name, and inside your favourite book (the one you always take to class) a pen appears. the kind you love.

blue. fine.

one he bought especially because he saw you write down his number with that very model.

but nothing.

not a grimace.

not a gesture.

as if heeseung was invisible.

until one day, fed up with you, with your feigned coldness, with this badly rehearsed theatre, he plants himself outside the experimental psychology building.

heeseung is determined to talk to you.

or to force you to do so.

it will wait for you.

he will cut you off if necessary.

he will grab your arm if necessary.

but then it happens.

jaehyun.

the idiot trips over the curb. a clumsy, stupid gesture, the kind you always used to make fun of.

and you run towards him.

you run.

you kneel down.

you touch his foot quickly, looking for twists.

and jaehyun, who knows nothing, who understands nothing, leans on you. he grabs your wrist.

and you smile at him. sweet. reassuring. almost... protective.

heeseung, from the metal gate of the gymnasium, stops. his backpack is heavy on his shoulder. sweat trickles down his back.

but he doesn't feel it.

heeseung only sees your fingers touching another.

your expression illuminated by a concern that is not for him.

and then his heart races.

not out of emotion.

out of rage.

out of that blind, hollow, corrosive rage that is born only when something that was yours (so yours that you didn't know it belonged to you) begins to turn towards someone else.

the screams of the players are far away. the world blurs. there is no ball. there is no coach.

there's no one but you.

and that damn boy who gets everything you took from him.

heeseung squeezes the grille, and the metal marks his palm. his breathing becomes irregular.

he can't swallow.

he hates him.

not jaehyun.

you.

for making him feel this way.

for looking at him as a god one day... and as a stranger now.

for giving him the obsession.

and taking it away without explanation.

and then he decides: it's not going to end like this.

(...)

heeseung's room had become too small. the air was thick, humid, sticking to his lungs like soggy cotton wool. it was 1:07 and every second without you was a wasted heartbeat.

in his mind, you were already there: kneeling in front of him, brow furrowed, lips parted, forming that ‘what happened to you?’ that he would drink drop by drop, like an elixir distilled from your compassion.

"just a little more... just a little more and you'll come." he rested his left hand on the desk, fingers spread wide, five naked promises.

the wood smelled of graphite and sweat. the yellow light from the lamp barely outlined the curve of his knuckles, already white from the pressure.

and with his right hand, he lifted the marble paperweight. it was smooth, opaque and brutally cold. a cold that sank into the skin of his palm as if to anaesthetise it.

but it didn't need anaesthesia. heeseung needed the opposite.

his father would scream. he would break things. he would say he ruined the season. that he destroyed everything. that he was a jerk. and maybe he was. but basketball was just an echo, a background noise that faded into the abyss left by your absence.

"for you. this is all for you, (y/n)." heeseung took a deep breath.

the smell of the warm lamp, of the paper, of his own fear. he closed his eyes and saw you: your dilated pupils, your hands trembling as they touched his cheek, your broken voice: ‘who did this to you?’

that image was enough.

and then he lowered the marble.

the sound was dry, fleshy. like snapping a live branch.

it wasn't just a crack. it was a pop that rumbled in his skull, as if the bone had snapped in his ear. the pain came in a stampede: first the bone, then the void, and finally the muted shriek of the nerve.

the median nerve (the one he had never thought about until now) flared with fury. a river of fire coursed down his arm, from knuckle to elbow, then to shoulder, then to neck. each breath was a precise stab. he wanted to move, and it was worse: the fractured bone scraped against his marrow like a dull edge, a constant, cruel scrape.

the finger began to swell. the skin glistened, on the verge of bursting. underneath, blood pooled like lava beneath the surface. he could feel the pulse of the wound: thum-thum-thum, as if he had a heart inside his finger, beating only because of the pain.

and in the midst of the spasm, between retching acid saliva and tear-clouded eyes, a certainty: "more... i need it to hurt more... for her to feel it too."

heeseung pressed his hand to his chest, so hard it crackled again, this time like a secret, like an intimate confession. the pain was exquisite. it didn't just hurt: it possessed you. it was the bridge to you.

the marble rolled across the floor, its echo hollow as a whisper. heeseung fell to his knees, trembling. he leaned his back against the wall and closed his eyes. in the darkness, he drew you: the slightly arched left eyebrow, the tiny scar by your mouth. he imagined your fingers trembling as they intertwined with his, as if afraid of hurting what was already broken.

the pain became something else: an altar. every heartbeat was a candle lit for your return. every spasm, a prayer.

"now you will... now you will come."

blood trickled down his arm like a warm river. nausea clenched his stomach, but underneath it all, there was sweetness.

the sweetness of knowing that when the sun rises, you will be there.

because no one could ignore so much pain.

no one could ignore so much love.

"you'll come... and you'll only look at me."

(...)

the night you saw him with the ex (just a fleeting crossing, barely a female silhouette gliding past you before being lost in the damp shadows of the campus) something in you broke, but not tragically: it broke with purpose. it was a soft, sharp crack. like splintered glass that's better suited to cut.

you didn't feel jealousy, but a kind of bitter revelation: you had given the centre of your gaze to heeseung, but it still wasn't enough.

so that night, in the shower, as the water slid down your shoulders, you decided that you would no longer look at him. that you would deny him the very thing that had kept him on tenterhooks for so long: your attention.

because if heeseung really wanted you as much as you wanted him, then silence and absence would have to be stronger than any words.

you wanted to unleash his despair. drive him to madness, like an offering.

and, finally, it happened.

in the garden area behind the psychology building, the lime tree barely filters the sun; the breeze warms your skin and moves your cotton t-shirt against your stomach.

you arrive with the folder under your arm and jaehyun at your side (just a lab partner, nothing more) he tells you an anecdote about the logistic regression presentation and you laugh, but the laughter is cut short when you see him:

heeseung is sitting on the bench, his left hand actually bandaged, his index finger immobilised. the bandage is white, tight, and the purplish bruise peeks out from underneath like a sentence written in bold ink.

his team shirt is half open in the heat; the skin on his collarbone glistens with a thin layer of sweat.

as you approach, he lifts his head and his gaze bores into yours with an intensity that weighs heavy on your hips.

"sorry to intrude," he says, hoarse. "but... i needed to see you, (y/n)"

jaehyun stops a step away; something in his eyes hardens for a second, but he merely murmurs, "i'll see you in class," and walks away.

now it's just you and heeseung, and the silence is filled with their breathing.

you kneel in front of him, your knee brushing against his. you take his bandaged hand; the touch is slow, deliberate. the warmth of his skin enters through your fingers and up to the back of your neck.

"what happened?" you ask; your voice low, almost a whisper against his cheek.

"weight box," he lies, but his voice trembles with more than pain.

you press gently on the cracked knuckle; he purses his lips and exhales a "fff" that warms your forehead.

he burns. he's so close you can smell him: a mixture of sweat, anxiety, and something more primal that makes your mouth water.

every brush of your knuckles against his skin is a silent confirmation: "this pain he chose for me. this madness was sown by me. and now it belongs only to me."

his pupils dilate, fixed on your lips. you slide the tip of your thumb along the edge of the bandage, slowly, as if you were counting the beats.

"does it hurt, hee?" you ask.

"only when you don't touch me," he whispers, and that phrase is a sweet poison that shoots straight up your legs.

you feel his breath on the corner of your mouth. he tilts his head an inch, barely; their foreheads brush, warm.

there is no kiss, but the touch is more intimate: the promise that lips are a second away from meeting if either dares to move. and the air vibrates with something thick, moist, anxious.

your body responds before you do; your skin bristles as if his words have touched it from the inside.

you slide your other hand down his forearm, through the bristling hair, to the crook of his elbow. he shudders; the bandage rustles softly.

"i'm going to immobilise him better," you say. "but you have to stay very still."

"whatever you ask," he replies, and the sentence comes out hoarse, like a gasp, as if he's offering you his whole body.

you pull tape and a plastic spoon out of your bag. as you work, your knuckles graze his skin each time you turn. he swallows saliva, watches your mouth, your neck, the little tremble of your fingers as the tape passes close to his pulse.

when you finish, you don't withdraw your hand. you keep it on his wrist, thumbs touching. you both breathe in the same rhythm, and that rhythm says: we are the same now.

"will you come with me to the health centre?" heeseung asks, voice low.

you smile, slow, precise.

"no. i'll take you."

and this time i won't let you go.

heeseung tilts his head, as if he wants to see you from the inside. his fingers (the ones he can still move) brush the fabric of your skirt in a gesture as subtle as it is unforgivable.

no one else would dare.

no one else should.

"do you know how much it bled?" he says suddenly, and you blink.

"what?"

"my finger. how much it bled. i thought of you. your hands on me. i thought you'd love me more."

you burn inside, and it's not the sun's fault. it's desire. it's madness. it's power.

"heeseung... you're sick," you whisper, but don't let go.

you never thought hearing that would make you feel so wanted.

heeseung smiles, and his eyes dart to you like claws. "no. i'm crazy about you."

and you wordlessly believe it. because there's no wound without a reason. there's no pain that doesn't have your name written on it.

when you stand up and help him to his feet, his fingers cling to your wrist like a man who has decided to drown with you.

and you... you let yourself be dragged down. because in his madness there is something of you. something you also wanted to destroy.

MASTERLIST

[russellsppttemplates]

All the milestones (Lando Norris)

Fraser came earthside earlier than you expected

Note: english is not my first language. Believe it or not, I'm also a preemie (genetically and health wise, I am a catch, I know). Jokes aside as this is a serious topic, I was born at thirty three weeks because of some complications and it all turned out well, but I am aware of what it entailed from people telling me and it isn't something I've seen around here! Knowing that the diversity I write brings comfort to read and to ask this warms my heart up so much 🫶 I'm also basing this off of my mum's experience!

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: mentions c-section and themes related to hospital stays and procedures, prematurity, pre-eclampsia

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

"I'm really sorry I can't go with you, darling", Lando apoligised as he set the plate with lunch in front of you, "it's okay, it's just an ultrasound", you responded, "we're just going to check if everything is alright with you, right, little one?", you tapped your babybump softly. At thirty weeks pregnant, you were starting to feel the tiredness and aches like you had felt in your previous pregnancy, only now you had a toddler to look after as well, so you had been taking it easy. Fortunately, you were able to juggle work and family life in a way that allowed you to make the minimum compromise to both spheres of your life.

"Drink your water, baby", Lando reminded you, tapping the jug, "I'm going to pick up my dad from the airport and then we'll both get Tilly. Are you feeling like going out for dinner or should I get take out and we eat here?", he questioned, taking a bite of his food.

"I'd prefer to stay in", you stated, "are you feeling like anything special?", he asked back.

"Right now I can't think of anything", you offered, not really looking forward to eating the delicious food in front of you if you were really being honest. Still, you manage to eat the most of it.

"Have a good meeting, Lan, I love you", you said as you put your coat on, grabbing your bag with all your documents.

"Be safe, okay, baby?", he checked, kissing the top of your head and then kissing your baby bump, "and you too, buddy, keep yourself and mummy safe and sound, don't give her too much trouble", he said, helping you out of the door before you went on your separate ways, "I love you, gorgeous mummy!", he winked before he got inside his car.

Once you arrived at the hospital and checked yourself in, your midwife Amelia greeted you in the examination room, "how have you been feeling, Y/N?", she asked as she slipped the bad on your arm to get your blood pressure numbers, sending the urine sample to the lab.

"I've been feeling a little tired, especially compared to last time, which I can only put down to having Tilly, and she's a very calm child", you giggled, remaining quiet as the machine got your numbers.

"These look quite high, did you run up here?", she asked, "no, I got here earlier than I expected actually, I've been sitting on the waiting room for a bit", you scrunched your face.

"We'll just wait for your results and then we'll see if it's something we have to wordy about", she tranquilized, "let's see you baby boy, shall we?", she smiled as you lifted your shirt, letting her apply the cream and move the wand around.

"There's your son, Y/N", she smiled, "He's a bit quiet, but the heartbeat sounds good", she smiled, taking a few more pictures so you could bring them home for Lando and Matilda to see.

A knock on the door alerted you both as Amelia was taking your measurements, "I have the results for Y/N Y/L/N-Norris", your OB checked, seeing you in the room, "Hi, Y/N, I thought I'd only see you later", she said as she walked in. She pulled on a stool and sat on it, "your results are indicating that you might be in pre-eclampsia", she said as she showed the tablet's screen to Amelia, her stern expression confirming your suspicions on how serious the situation was, "your body is having trouble keeping up with everything, hence your high blood pressure and your urine results suggest your kidneys are working overtime as well", Dr. Martin said as you straightened up, hands coming to wrap around your baby bump protectively, "your baby is fine, so that's not a big worry, but we do think it would be best if we delivered him tonight", she advised.

"But he's too small", you argued.

"You're at thirty weeks, which isn't ideal, but the survival rate is very very high for babies born at this time, and we also have a team that is specialised in preemie care, so he will be in the best hands", she comforted, "we need to give you corticosteroids to make sure the baby's lungs are ready for when he comes earthside, we'll get you admitted and monitor you and the baby to make sure he's not struggling either. In a few days, depending on how this goes, we'll do a c-section. I know it's not ideal, but this is the best way to make sure you and baby boy stay safe".

Sighing, you nodded, "okay, whatever is best for both of us", you asserted, "I just need to call Lando - my father in-law is coming to stay for a bit and they're getting Matilda from school", you thought out loud.

"Absolutely, dear, everything is going to be just fine", Amelia conforted while Dr. Martin set you up to go to a room.

Lando helped Matilda up to her car seat, strapping her in as she spoke to his father, "and did you have a good day, princess?", Adam asked, "yes, we coloured lots and we saw a couple of butterflies when we were having our snack!", she smiled as Lando drove home.

The car system alerted them of a call from you, "hey, beautiful, I'm in the car with my father and Tilly - say hi to mummy, babygirl!", he encouraged, "Hi, mummy!", she cheered, "Hey Y/N", Adam greeted too.

"Hey, guys! Lando, can you give the phone to your dad, please?", you asked, "sure, love", he said as he disconnected the phone from the car, nodding his father to take the phone in the console.

"Hey, Y/N, is everything alright?", Adam asked over the phone, "Hey, Adam, I hope you travelled well! I'm not sure if Lando told you, but I had an appointment today, and it turns out I have to be admitted", you began, "I don't want to worry him, much less when he's driving, so as soon as you get home, can you tell him to call me back again, please? Baby Fraser might join us sooner than we expected", you mumbled, nerves obvious in your voice as Adam stayed with a neutral face.

"Absolutely, Y/N, I'll let him know", he said before hanging up.

"What was it? Is everything alright?", Lando asked, knowing there would be a reason as to why you didn't want to have everyone listening to the conversation.

Checking the rearview mirror to see Matilda playing with one of her books, Adam clarified Lando, "she is going to stay at the hospital for a little longer than she expected for some check ups, she didn't want Matilda to hear about it", he said. It wasn't too much of a lie, and he certainly didn't want to scare anyone and since Lando would be calling you anyway, it could wait for a bit, "she asked you to call her when you got home. Don't worry, I'll keep Matilda entertained", he smiled.

Once they arrived, Adam left his things in the guest bedroom and met Matilda in the kuchen, "grandpa will make you some snacks. What do you want, darling?", he asked as he urged Lando to go and make a call to you.

"Hi, baby", Lando said as you picked up, "dad said you wanted me to call you, is everything alright?", he asked as he stepped inside the bedroom, hanging his coat in the closet.

"Hi, my love", you sighed and sending Lando into alert, "when they did my check up, Amelia took my blood pressure and it was really high, and my urine sample didn't look great either. It turns out I'm in pre-eclampsia and they want to keep me for observation, and it's likely Fraser will join us in the next few days", you added, "I need you here -, and things for me", you let out.

"Are you okay? I'll start packing right away", he said as he put his phone on speaker, looking for pyjamas and toiletries.

"My blood pressure is high - so far there's no distress for the baby, and they want to keep him in for as long as they can", you explained, "I, I am fine staying here on my own, that's okay, but I really need you here for a bit", you asked, "of course, my love. I'm going to pack these up quick and I'll be there. I love you", he said before you said it back, putting his phone in his pocket and zipping the bag.

"Daddy, where are you going?", Matilda asked as she saw the bag, "princess, mummy is going to stay in the hospital for a bit so the doctors can make sure her and baby are okay, and daddy is going to take a few things for her", he announced, crouching down so he was at her level.

"Is mummy sick?", she pouted, "she's a little tired, so they're going to make sure she rests up as much as she can", he slipped out, "I'm going to be there for a little bit to giver her her pyjamas so she's comfy, and then I'll be right back, okay? Can you stay here with grandpa?", he asked.

"Okay, daddy", she said before walking away, "but wait!", she called from the hall.

"I'll get dinner started and tuck her in if it gets too late - she didn't want me to tell you until you were home", he apoligised, "I know, I know, thanks for being here, it was bloody good timing", Lando mused.

Matilda came back with one of her stuffed toys, a McLaren bear she loved, "this is for mummy, so she doesn't sleep alone", she smiled sweetly. Maybe her innocence was positive because it meant she was dealing with the situation quite well.

"I'll give it to mummy, baby girl, I bet she'll love it", he smiled, kissing her cheek and leaving to the garage so he could drive to the hospital.

When he arrived, Amelia walked up with him as she told you all there was to know, knocking on your room door before they stepped inside.

"Darling", he said, setting the bag down and sitting next to you on the bed, kissing your forehead protectively, "how are you?", he asked.

"Fine, although I don't think it has really sunk in", you mumbled, playing with his fingers, "how is Tilly?", you wondered.

"She gave you Mr. Brown", he said as he fished out the bear from the bag, "she said she wanted you to have it so you wouldn't be alone in here", he smiled.

After spending as much time as he could with you, he bid you goodbye and went home, finding his father washing up the dishes as Matilda got her pyjamas on for the night, "I have a tupperware for you in the fridge if you want something to eat".

"Thanks, I've got it from here though - c'mon, little miss, we're going to sleep!", Lando hoisted her up, holding her on his hip as they walked upstairs to the bedroom, "can I sleep in your bed, daddy?", Matilda spoke in a small voice, "I don't want you to be alone either", she admitted.

Smiling at her sweetness, he nodded, "of course you can, love. Mummy sent her goodnight wishes for you, and maybe we can visit her tomorrow, how does that sound?", he smiled, "yes, please, daddy!".

.

"I made these for you, mummy, so your room is nice and colourful!", Matilda smiled as Lando let you in for a cuddle, your little girl getting help from her grandfather at ripping the tape so she could display her drawings she brought you almost daily, only missing days where Landk hadn't been able to bring her to the hospital because of their schedules.

"That's beautiful, darling, thank you so much", you gushed before turning to Lando, "has she cried again?", you whispered. You had been in the hospital for five days now, and two nights ago Matilda started with what was a tantrum at first and then evolved to crying about the fact that you weren't home. Lando was able to talk it out with her, welcoming her and allowing her to talk about how she was feeling and how it was beyond the fact that her tights were itching her.

"No, yesterday she told me she couldn't wait for you to come home, and that you were taking longer than she liked", he snickered, "always little miss rushing when it comes to you", he kissed the side of your head. Even though she was a daddy's girl through and through, she never made you feel left out.

"Y/N", Dr. Martin called after she stepped inside the room, "Oh, Matilda, you're so grown up already! Time flies by", she said as she waved at your little girl while Adam pulled her to sit on his lap, whispering "That's mummy's doctor, she is going to check up on her so you have to keep quiet, okay?" into her ear.

"I was checking your results, and I think between tonight and tomorrow, we might have to deliver your baby boy", she stated, everyone in the room straightening up as Matilda tried to read the adults' faces.

"His lungs look really good in the ultrasound we did this morning - as you know those were our biggest concerns, so we'll come up to monitor you, okay?", she rubbed your shoulder comfortingly before excusing herself.

"Well, I think it's best if we get going, then", Adam said as he got up, coming up to kiss the top of your head and squeeze your hand in his.

"Mummy, I know you're going to do very well", she said, earning small giggles around the room, "when can I come and meet the baby?", she stepped up to give you a kiss.

"We will have to see how it all goes, princess, but when you can, you'll be the first to come, okay?", you smiled, brushing the curls out of her eyes and kissing her head.

"I'll drop these guys home, get the baby bag and then I'll be back", Lando said, kissing your lips and your baby bump, "you stay in there for just a little longer, okay buddy?".

By the time Lando got back to the hospital, you had already been given a few medications to prep you for the c-section, "Kelly and Max advised that I shopped for some smaller clothes, so I have those in there", he tapped the baby bag, "and how are you feeling?", he cupped your cheek.

"My blood pressure is really high, so they're thinking about putting me under, like, full body anesthesia", you bit your lip. Getting surgery was already a big thing, but being completely under was another.

"Oh, okay", Lando gulped, "they won't let me be in there then", he realised, "that's not how we wanted this to happen, but it's going to be okay, gorgeous. You're the strongest woman I know, you're going to be just fine", he smiled, "and our baby boy will come out screaming and he will be the strongest little one ever", he said, trying to convince you and himself of his words. He was scared too, but it wouldn't do you both any good to dwell on it too much.

Knocking on the door, one of the lovely interns and Amelia came to get you, "are we all ready? I'm afraid you already know this, Lando, but you won't, be able to be with us in the OR", she apoligised, "I'll wait right here, if that's okay", your husband suggested, kissing you one last time before they wheeled you off, "I love you, Y/N", he muttered against your lips.

While he waited, he looked at the drawings in the room with precise attention, finding one where Matilda drew the four of you, her brother in your arms and Lando holding her hand, names scribbled under each person in Adam's writing.

Less than an hour later, Amelia stepped into the room, Lando getting up from his spot on the chair immediately, "everything went well, they were weaning Y/N off of the anesthesia, she's going to the PACU until she wakes up and then back here", she smiled, "your little boy is in the neonatal unit, do you want to come and meet him?", she asked, Lando letting out a sigh of relief at her words, "I'll let you know when Y/N comes back to the room", she ensured, having been in the job long enough to know the dilemma of wanting to be in two places at the same time.

"Yes, let's go", he said as he straightened up his sweater, "can I hug you?", he allowed himself to feel emotional, Amelia's open arms offering him a little comfort, "they're both alright, Lando, you have such a beautiful family", she cooed.

Walking with him to the neonatal care unit, she helped him into one of the gowns as they greeted the other parents inside along with all of the staff, "this is your little boy", she said, offering him a sanitizer for his hands, "he can't eat on his own just yet, so that single tube on his nose is feeding him, the other one is giving him oxygen, and those stickers are to make sure his heart is doing okay - little milestones and little victories", she explained as Lando took him in.

Surely, he was much smaller than Matilda, but he could already spot some similarities, "Can I touch him?", he asked, weary of disturbing the perfectly architected environment inside the incubator, "yes, of course! Just be mindful of the wires and tubes", she encouraged, opening the little doors so Lando could touch your son.

"Hey, buddy", he spoke as he touched his tiny fingers, "you're already such a fighter, breathing so well without ventilation", he cooed. He looked up all the complications and when he didn't see a mechanical ventilator, he couldn't help but feel proud of the baby, "he is, we did all the tests and for now supplemental oxygen seems to be enough", Dr. Martin said softly, not wanting to spook them as she showed up, "everything went well with Y/N, she should make a full recovery once it heals", she rubbed his back.

"Thank you", he said, keeping the tears at bay as he looked back at Fraser, "you're so tiny they had to roll up your diaper, hm little love?", he spoke, "there are so many people who love you and they have so much of it to give you".

A little while later, Amelia told him they were taking you up to your room, so Lando said goodbye to Fraser, "I'm going to see mummy, Fraser, and I'm going to tell her how much of a higher you are, I love you", he cooed one last time, rubbing his arm before taking his hands away, closing the little doors and folding the gown for later.

Walking into the corridor to your room, Lando could spot you in the other end, smiling as you spotted him too, "nearly beat you in this race", you smiled at him as he gestured for them to wheel you into the room, "everything went as expected, Dr. Martin will be up shortly to speak to you two", one of the interns said.

"How are you feeling, gorgeous?", he said, brushing your hair away from your eyes and behind your ears, "I'm fine, the meds are helping with the pain, I'm sure", you giggled, "they gave me a good dose".

"That's nice, at least", he said, "I've texted everyone to let them know you were okay and everything went well", he added.

"Have you seen him yet?", you asked, "yes, I have", Lando beamed, "He's very tiny and he looks a little bit like Tilly already. And he's such a fighter, too! He only had those little pin-like tubes to help him breathe, they didn't need any incisions or anything. I would've taken a picture but I couldn't take my hands away from him", he admitted.

"Hopefully soon I can see him", you gulped, knowing it would off the books for a bit since you had abdominal surgery.

"All in due course, baby. I'm so happy you're both fine", he kissed your forehead.

.

"I just want to hold my baby!", you hiccuped, wiping the tears falling on your cheeks while Amelia conforted you, "just one more day, Y/N, maybe two at maximum to make sure you're healing well, too", she smiled apologetically.

A knock on the door alerted you as Lando and Matilda walked inside, making you wipe your cheeks quickly, "mummy!", she cheered softly, approaching you and climbing on the bed softly since she knew you were healing, "have you been crying, mummy?", she said, hugging your arm and resting her head there.

"Mummy is upset because I can't go and see Fraser today", you explained as Lando kissed the top of your head.

Amelia excused herself as you caught up with everything back home, "grandpa asked me to give you kisses", Matilda recalled as she kissed your cheeks, "his plane has landed alresdy", Lando added, "That's nice of him, thank you darling".

"We can go and meet Fraser, Tilly", Lando said as the window they allowed visitors in was coming to the half-time mark, "I'm going to give him loads of kisses from you mummy, don't worry about it!", your daughter said sweetly as she climbed off the bed, "I'm going to try and FaceTime, okay?", Lando confirmed, handing you your phone before they left for the neonatal unit.

"Matilda, darling, you have to put this on, okay?", one of the nurses gave her a mask, "she's in nursery and she might have caught some bug that isn't showing symptoms yet and it could be harmful for the babies", he checked with Lando as your husband nodded.

"It's like a costume, Tilly!", Lando tried to make it fun for her, adjusting the gown and then the mask around her face, "you can't go around touching things, okay princess?", he stated as she nodded, ready to meet her little brother.

Lando got himself gowned and led them to Fraser's incubator, "that is Fraser, baby", he cooed, typing on his phone inside the clear bag and FaceTiming you like he promised so you too could see the moment they met for the first time.

"He's so tiny", she gasped, standing on the stepping stool so she could see him properly, "I can't kiss him, can I?", she asked and Lando shook his head, watching you smile on the screen, "I'm going to blow him the kisses I have from mummy then", she said, her hand making the movements from her covered mouth to her brother, "I love you, Fraser, and mummy loves you too, she can't be getting because her tummy still hurts a little", she told him.

"This just makes you want to have another right away, doesn't it?", Lando croaked out as he wiped a tear from his eye, your wide eyes looking at him, "not anywhere in the near future - my body knows that much!", you giggled at the soft sight, "but it is incredibly cute, yes", you smiled as tears fell on your cheeks too.

"Look, mummy! He moved his hand, he's saying hello to you", Matilda smiled, "He's saying he wants to see you, too!".

.

You were finally able to stand up and sit in a wheelchair, so your other goal for the day was going to see your son.

Amelia was the first to say she would take you, helping you sit and getting you there, "That's your little boy right there", she pointed as you were filled with giddiness and excitement.

Wheeling you to face plastic bassinet, your hand went straight inside, "he doesn't need oxygen anymore?", you asked his doctor, noticing the single tube you recognised as a feeding tube, "no, not anymore", he said, "we ran some tests this morning and he's doing just fine on his own, strong set of lungs he has! He woke two of the other babies up yesterday", he smiled.

Chuckling, you touched his arm softly, his hands opening and closing, "do you want to hold him?", he asked, catching you by surprise. Until now, no one ever held him as to make sure the treatments being done were working as best as they could.

"Can I?", you asked, eyes hopeful, "me and the rest of the team think he's finally strong enough to move out of here actually", he added, "not enough to go home just yet, but he can be in your room. This way you can have him close to you and of anything happens or you need help, the staff in your floor know what to do. He just needs to be able to feed without a pump, so either breastfeeding or bottle feeding", he stated.

"Wow, okay, I wasn't expecting this, I was so happy that I got to see him", you teared up, bringing your arms to position so the doctor could place your baby in your arms, mindful of the feeding tube that was still in him, "hey, my love", you cooed, touching his cheeks, "I'm your mummy. I know you were rushed out of my tummy, and it was scary for both of us, but it's looking up now", you cried, Amelia wiping your cheeks as she smiled too.

"Do you mind if we take his tube out now? Might be a little better for this little guy to be in his mummy's chest", the doctor suggested, getting the supplies he needed and setting them in the tray.

"It's okay, little guy", he said as he pulled it out, baby Fraser crying at the discomfort you could only imagine as you rubbed his back, "it's okay, my love, mummy's here to make it better", you shushed him, kissing his head multiple times.

"There, all done!", the doctor said, "if you want, you can feed him here or in your room, where you feel best", he wondered, "could we go to the room, please? I have my supplies there, too", you asked.

You had been pumping milk out since it came in, and you were finally able to feed him straight from your nipple, "okay, little one, you can't get lazy on us now that mummy has you in her room", Amelia encouraged, tapping his cheek slightly as he began suckling on your nipple, "there we go!", she cheered, "I told you it would get better, didn't I?", she winked at you.

When Lando and Matilda came for their daily visit, they didn't expect to see you walking around the room, your back facing the door, "you're up, mummy, that's good!", your daughter said as you turned around, showing her brother on your chest, "oh", she gasped.

"He passed all his tests, and he's getting chubby too", you cooed, squishing his thigh softly as Lando took the sight in, Matilda holding onto you as you patted her head and held your son. Your family was complete.

"That's daddy, Fraser", you cooed, pointing at Lando as your baby boy looked around to the two new people in the room.

"Can I have a cuddle?", Lando whispered before you transferred Fraser to his arms, your little boy curling up against him just like he had been curled up to you.

"Does this mean you get to go home?", Matilda asked, hugging you properly as you sat down on the bed with her, "not for a few days still, they just need to make sure Fraser is alright", you informed, "then we can go home and the four of us are going to have loads of fun", you smiled.

.

"Tilly, can you help me here, please?", Lando called as her footsteps approached your bedroom, "can you get me that bedding from the drawer, please?", Lando asked as he held the mattres up, not wanting to miss the exact placement of the sheet, "thank you, baby, you're such a clever girl", he complimented, folding the corner in and letting the mattress fall back into place.

"When mummy comes home tonight, is Fraser coming with her?", she wondered, touching the next to me bassinet you kept in your room for the baby to sleep in the first few months, "yes, he is, he's finally good and big enough to come home, no more hospital visits", Lando sighed. The last couple of weeks were hard. Juggling things on his own made him even more appreciative of you and the efforts you made to make sure everything was smoothly running in the house, as well of your friends and family who suported your family in every way they could.

"That's going to be nice, the hospital smells funny", she scrunched up her nose, "and it's going to be like before but with baby Fraser?", she wondered.

"At first mummy will need our help in many things - she still has some recovery to do, but then it will be back to normal, yes", Lando offered, "and we'll have Fraser to go with us in our adventures".

"I can't wait to show him my soft blankets and my toys", she beamed, helping Lando with the bed and then getting ready to pick you up from the hospital.

"Thank you again for all of your work and dedication, we truly can't say it enough for all you've done for our family", Lando said to the team as they discharged you from the hospital, waving at Fraser in his carrier as he looked around.

By the time the four of you were back home, you ate dinner on the sofa, Matilda cuddled up to your side while Fraser slept in your chest, Lando holding the four of you in his embrace as much a she could, "we're finally all together", you smiled, "the Norris family is all together in one place we it should be", he said, kissing your lips softly, hand coming to rest on top of yours in Fraser's back as Matilda smiled up at you, "this is the best day ever", she murmured.

Post partum blurb

[funnynumberofbeans]

That time you passed out (Dr. Ratio x gn! reader)

You’ve been forgetting to take care of yourself and the consequences of that is blacking out during an important research project. Luckily your lovely partner, Dr. Ratio is there to help you feel better.  Reader is gender neutral, hurt/comfort, established relationship, reader is slightly dependent on Dr. Ratio, about 2k words, Dr. Ratio is a bit ooc Trigger Warnings: mentioned disordered eating patterns (caused by stress), depression (implied), brief mentions of blacking out, use of a lab shower (a rather gross one), Dr. Ratio is kind of a dick to you (he insults you but in an affectionate way)

The alarm on your phone started playing, waking you from the light sleep you had drifted off to. Checking the time you saw that it was the equivalent of 7:30 am. You slept for about eight system hours, though you still felt exhausted.

You looked to the side where Veritas slept only to see it empty, placing your hand under the duvet, the temperature of the sheets told you he’d been gone for a while.

It’d been a while since you’d last spent meaningful time with him. The papers he was grading, and the project you were working on forced your schedules to become misaligned. When Veritas wasn’t grading his students’ work, he was sculpting the resulting stress away. This took up more time that could have been shared together. You didn’t mind having more time to yourself, it meant that you could sleep for longer. Though the stress of your project kept you continuously exhausted no matter how much sleep you got. 

Another unfortunate side effect of not having much time together was that you started to have your meals separately. Leading you to lose the motivation to cook balanced meals for yourself. You’d eat simple microwavable meals and energy bars to sustain yourself. Unfortunately you’d mismanaged your time and forgot to buy more energy bars, leading to your current problem.

Your second alarm rang noting that it was 7:40, and if you didn’t start hurrying you’d be late to the lab. You pulled off your sleep shorts and grabbed a clean? pair of pants. Grabbing your bag with your lab coat and putting your shoes on, you ran out the door. About five minutes into your frantic dash, you remembered that you didn’t grab your keys, phone, or breakfast, and that you had no clue the last time you’d drank water. It's fine, you thought, lack of water or nutrition hadn’t stopped you before.

You reached the lab around ten minutes later than the expected meetup time of 8 am. You wave to your research partner, Angel, and apologize for the delay. They shrugged it off with an understanding wave. You put on your lab coat and PPE and went to prepare the samples.

About thirty minutes later you weren't feeling great. It wasn’t too bad, just some shortness of breath and general dizziness. Deciding the safest option was sitting down you grabbed the stool near you and plunked down. Fiddling with your gloves as you waited for the symptoms to alleviate.

Unfortunately sitting down didn’t seem to help you much, your head felt hot and you began feeling distressed. There were too many sensations around you and you wanted everything off. It was fine you thought, maybe sitting on the floor would solve things.

As you sat on the floor pressing your google into your skull trying to stop the forming headache, Angel inquired why you were sitting on the floor. You explained that you weren’t feeling great, and that it was probably just that you locked your knees. They nodded to your explanation and began taking on more of the experiment.

You felt bad for not helping Angel in the experiment so you offered to take the acid you were working with to the fume hood to combine it with the sample. They nodded and passed you the beaker. You slowly got up and made your way to the fume hood. The latex gloves on your hands felt off, and your hands were sticky and sweaty underneath. As you approached the fume hood and began adding the necessary amount of sample for the trial, you started feeling faint. You began walking to your lab table to place the beaker down when you began to stumble. The low sound of electrical buzzing in the background cut out and your vision went dark. You tried to feel around to put the beaker down, but you bumped into something and toppled over.

“y/n!!” was the first thing you heard, though it felt like your head was underwater. Your vision cleared and you saw Angel kneeling down next to you, a puddle of liquid was seeping into your left lab coat sleeve and you felt a burning sensation erupt on that arm.

“Get to the shower station, you spilled the acid on yourself, I’ll clean the floor” Angel said pulling you up by your PH neutral arm.

You stumbled over to the emergency shower and pulled the handle. Ripping off your gloves and lab coat you were doused in gray water. As you stood under the freezing water it got in your mouth and nose, clogging it with the dusty taste of stagnant water. The shock of the water didn’t make you feel any better, only stopping the painful burning on your arm. You felt wrong, you were too hot and too cold, and constricted and all you could do was cry, fogging up your goggles. 

“I’m so sorry,” you cried, you fucked up, and Angel totally hated you for this stupid mistake.

“Y/N I think you should go home, I can finish today's experiment and share the results. Okay?” Angel offered, patting you on the back.

In response you burst into tears, you blubbered through an explanation that you couldn’t go home since you left your phone and keys behind and that you could still help out.

Angel nodded and suggested that you sit in the hallway since you weren’t wearing your PPE. You agreed and slowly walked into the white tiled hallway of the lab building. Sliding down against the wall you rested your head on your knees and continued to cry.

This entire situation was embarrassing, and you felt sick. The only thing keeping you from lying on the cool tile floor was your pride. You wanted to be in bed with Veritas, in something other than your soaked clothing, your hair to be dry and clean, and you wanted to have a long cry session until you felt better.

Angel seemed to be talking to someone, probably your research supervisor. Oh Aeons, this was going to be a write up for sure. You had ruined this day's experiment and pushed back the progress on the paper, you were going to be written as ETC on the paper weren’t you.

Your sobs had quieted down to soft sniffles and you were feeling slightly better. You were too distracted doom spiraling to notice the familiar click of heels on the tile flooring.

“Y/N? Your research partner called me to alert me of an accident you were in.” the oh so familiar voice of your boyfriend rang in your ears.

Looking up you saw a rather disheveled Veritas. His perfectly styled hair was slightly drooping, and a fine layer of dust covered his clothing. Sweat dripped down his neck and it was obvious that he had rushed here from his sculpting room. The alabaster sculpture he wore as a helmet was cradled in his left arm.

“Oh thank Aeons you’re here Dr. Ratio. Y/N collapsed and spilled the sample we were working on, I'm unsure if Y/N sustained any chemical burns as I was too busy to check.” Angel supplied when you just silently stared at Veritas.

“Get up Y/N, we’re finding you medical care for your mistakes.” Veritas stated, offering you his hand, the annoyed look on his face was betrayed by the amount of concern in his voice.

You tilted your head to the side, not wanting to move from your spot. The idea of getting up when your head felt full of cotton was not something you wanted to do.

“Ugh” he scoffed, bending down to scoop your drenched form off the floor. “We’ll be taking our leave, I believe you can handle the rest?” Veritas said, walking away from Angel

If Angel said anything you were too out of it to hear. The familiar warmth of Veritas’s strong arms was enough to make you feel sleepy and safe. The alabaster head he was carrying rested on your stomach as you buried your face further into his neck.

“We will be discussing what led up to this event” Veritas started, “after you bathe. You smell dreadful and are quite drenched.” he finished, scrunching his face in disgust when he caught a whiff of your soaked hair.

You hummed into his neck and closed your eyes. Beginning to drift off to the slow rocking of his stride and familiar scent of ink, paper, and stone.

You vaguely recognized being placed down on a cold surface before the rumble of water gushing through pipes filled the room. A large hand carded through your hair and you leaned into the touch, humming in satisfaction from the comforting sensation.

The deep voice of Veritas sounded in your ears asking something about a bath and clothes? You nodded trying to grab at the familiar figure of your boyfriend. All of a sudden your soaked clothing was delicately peeled off and you were placed in warm water. Releasing a sigh you leaned against the hard planes of your boyfriend’s chest.

“Have you returned to your normal intellect yet, or shall we soak in silence for longer?” Veritas asked, lathering shampoo into your hair.

“Do we need to talk about something?” You asked, tilting your head backwards to better look Veritas in the eyes.

“You’re no simple minded buffoon, that stunt you pulled, collapsing while carrying a corrosive substance is new for you. So tell me, what happened?” Veritas asked, rinsing out the shampoo and grabbing the conditioner.

You stayed silent as he rinsed the conditioner out of your hair. Once he had finished you turned to face him, midway through your turn he lightly gripped your left arm and moved it on top of his dry shoulder. Looking closer you could see a rather large red burn stretching your elbow to your hand. It wasn’t painful but looked bad.

“I don’t know what happened, I was feeling gross and I passed out okay?”

“But how did it happen, have you been feeling sick? Was it the fumes from your experiment?” Veritas asked, looking you in the eyes.

“I really don’t know I just felt gross” you shot back turning your head away from him.

“I know this project has been causing you great stress, was it because of that?” he pushed further, concern seeping into his voice.

“Can we not talk about this” you whined, the incessant questioning was getting a bit stressful.

“We have to in order to diagnose the issue at hand.” Veritas pushed harder, lightly holding your face in his hand.

“I already said I don’t know”

“Then think”

“Veritas I don’t fucking know. I’m tired and I want to sleep. If you want a reason we can just chalk it up to stress. Just please stop asking.” You shouted, growing more quiet as you continued.

“Ugh” he groaned, “Do you need help drying off, or shall I fetch you your clothing?” He asked slowly stepping out of the bath and drying himself

“I can dry off and get dressed on my own” you stated, leaning over the lip of the tub.

“Glad to hear you’re feeling better” he replied, giving you a quick peck on the forehead.

You hummed in response, Veritas leaving the room to grab your clothes. He returned with some soft sleep shorts and a shirt handing it to you once you finished drying off. The burn on your arm was beginning to itch, taking note of this Veritas spread a soothing ointment on it and wrapped it in bandages. The two of you walked into your shared bedroom and got into bed.

“Can we eat dinner together?” you asked, burying your nose into Veritas’ neck.

“Of course, but first you’re going to sleep.”

“Goodnight”

“Its noon, but fine, good night”

You drifted off to sleep in his arms, the discomfort and anxiety you felt earlier had dissipated, and the only thing you felt was the excitement to have dinner together.

[whispereons]

Oracle!Reader Part 22

Masterlist - Part 1, Part 21, Part 23

Warnings: Sagau Imposter au reader with lots of gore and stuff. Minors are warned but not prohibited.

“What a shrewd mortal you are.” The snake hisses as she travels down Baizhu’s arm to face you better. The V-shaped tongue does little to hide the ivory fangs hidden in her maw.

“I appreciate the compliment, but I suggest you reserve your judgment for the main topics of our discussion.”

“Arrogant too, I see!” An amused scoff leaves Changsheng at your bold words, all while Baizhu’s smile remains unchanging. After shutting the door behind him, he keeps his arm perched for Changsheng before sitting on the small stool near the bed.

“It seems you’re feeling much better now than last night. Are you experiencing any pain or discomfort?” 

“None at all.” You lie politely. Getting tied down here any longer than the decided discharge time would be a hassle. 

“Well, I’m glad to hear that.” Baizhu trails off to write something down on the paper he’s holding as Changsheng decides to start the discussion. Despite her small body, she speaks with the same pride the Adepti held. 

“We are already well aware of your body’s abnormalities. But in order for us to get a proper grasp of the scar tissue culture, you’ll need to answer some personal questions.”

Smiling without a hint of unease, you respond as you sit up to face them. “Seems you’re quite interested in me. Or should I say suspicious?”

A swift denial is what you expect. Maybe a truthful answer showcasing her confidence could happen too.

“Does a human who would rather hide their face, rather than accept the consequences of being bare, have any right to question my curiosity?”

Snakes are known to be sly for a reason. Baizhu’s slight upturned eyes at Changsheng’s words only solidify that belief further.

“I guess it was a dumb question.” You shrug, the subtle jab rolling off you with ease. “I am quite popular, I strongly doubt that you've had a patient quite like me.”

Your teeth are bared in a grin at Changsheng, fully aware of what the display means to the animal. 

She merely hmph’s at you before turning her head to the side as Baizhu cuts in amicably.

“Depending on what I discover in this sample, your words may be true Y/N. Why not first explain how you are the Creator’s oracle?”

Lips pursing as your eyes travel to the side of the room, your finger taps rhythmically on your chin. Wondering, contemplating on how you should answer.

At your silence, Changsheng’s eyes narrow as if she's frowning, while Baizhu’s smile turns almost sympathetic.

“I wouldn't pry into this matter as your physician, but as being an adventurer is your official occupation, I felt the need to question this Oracle one. Quite a few jobs connected to The Creator tend to manifest some otherwise unseen conditions.”

If one looked at it on the surface, they would see a concerned doctor looking to take all situations in accouint. But all you see is an ill person investigating a promising lead.

Baizhu’s quest for immortality was always closely connected to the Adepti, and you just had to be outed by a disciple of one.

“It's not like that child was the only one to refer to you as such. Why would an Oracle even hide such basic information from trusted acolytes like ourselves?”

Changsheng’s tone is scathing, and her question is sarcastic. The hot and cold of the pair’s demeanor and words were easy to recognize.

The kind of tactic they were trying to pull on you was the classic ‘good cop, bad cop’ schtick. 

Baizhu’s honeyed words were to coax the information from someone nervous and fearful, while Changsheng’s harshness was meant to pressure and intimidate someone into spilling. 

Something this dubious in a medical setting shouldn't exist. At least not yet, anyway. Most medical malpractice from eras in the past were born from discrimination, religious propaganda and general inexperience of the human anatomy and physiology.

It sure as hell shouldn't work on any sane adult, let alone from someone like Baizhu who is widely trusted but also suspected.

But then you think back on the kind of people that exist in Teyvat. The strange practices seen as normal, the terrifying yet mesmerizing creatures that roam, and your cult…

Yeah, more than one person must have bent to their will. While you doubt it was done with any bad intention. The fact of the matter is that Baizhu could have removed your mask, but clearly didn't. It still wasn't right.

Then again, why should you care? As long as you keep yourself in check to not reveal any more than necessary, then you were satisfied with that.

No need to play hero in a world that can't see past someone's physical features. The heart you once had that urged you to try and change to become a better person has already been burned away.

“Well, this is classified information, but I do have approval to explain my unique circumstances in these kinds of cases.”  

Your smile is sheepish as you tilt your head and avoid their matching piercing gaze. As if you caved into their words and finally came clean.

“I suppose you can say that being an adventurer is my day job, as my true mission is to uncover the truths behind cult members and acolytes alike on their devotion to the Holy One.”

Baizhu’s smile widens, just a smidge at your words. Changsheng is not nearly as impressed and hisses out her first question.

“And how does that justify the matching scars along your body to the Almighty?”

Just how did Changsheng get to say such brutal questions without being frowned upon? Probably because she's a talking snake.

Many adults in this world probably find it unimaginable and fear her, thinking she's on the level of an Adepti. Others may view her as almost unreal and much like a doll to be played with, downplaying her words and sharp intellect like a child.

You just find her as surreal as a dream; Almost detached in a way from the sheer absurdity of a talking snake. It's only thanks to your knowledge from when you were a player that you can see her for herself.

Smiling, you reply to her question with a carefully constructed answer. Admittedly, this question was always one you were afraid of encountering.

“This body belongs to The Creator, and The Creator alone. When I was first summoned by the Almighty and commanded of my mission, they desired to mark me in a way that no one could deny as a connection to them. I chose to be scarred in the same fashion as them.”

A wide smile, almost manic in nature, stretches across your mouth. Calloused fingers intertwined before covering your lips as if to coyly hide. 

“And what better way is there? A subtle yet bold imprinting of the Creator’s hold over me. A way to experience the suffering our poor God must have gone through to be branded like that.”

Words spoken colorfully are nearly purred before you're left with uncontrollable giggles. You finally calm down with a dreamy sigh as you look at the contracted partners.

Baizhu and Changsheng are silent throughout your whole act. The only movement made was them sharing a glance.

And there is only one emotion you can see bloom so vividly in their exchanged eyes. 

Discomfort.

---------------

It's safe to say that neither of them asked any more questions about the matter. Changsheng basically fled the room to “bask in the sun on the windowsill in the hall rather than stay with a human like that.”

You don't take any offense to it. In fact, you're overjoyed that your act worked. The only way to stop them from coming to the natural question of: “Does this mean their face is also like the Creator’s?” was to stop them from wanting to think on that train of thought.

It's exactly why you've been so careful to not let your body be so exposed. At least in regard to your torso, as scars on limbs are much easier to disregard.

Acting as a fanatic really was one of the best and easiest ways to throw off suspicion. No one really tries to dig for anything from a crazy person. After all, they have no sensible rhyme or reason to their actions.

It, of course, came with its own risks. Doing it too much will make people think that you’re actually insane rather than just unstable and will never trust you. And even the act itself can only work in certain situations with the right people, or else everything will fall apart.

That’s why you only use it when you see no other choice like now. Both Baizhu and Changsheng are under confidentiality agreements to not speak about you as a patient and considering the normal behavior for believers, your actions shouldn’t be too taboo.

Just a tad bit surprising.

The feather-light tap on your shoulder pulled you out of your thoughts as you look at the ever-present smile on the doctor. Baizhu sits back down on the stool once he’s sure he has your attention before speaking.

“Since you’ve explained more than enough about your background, we can move on to taking a culture sample of the scar tissue.” Your eyes roam the room for any tools needed for the procedure, and furrow when you fail to find any.

“At least that’s what I would say if I didn’t take it during the initial treatment.” If Baizhu wasn’t such a good doctor, you would ask if his license was revoked yet. This sure as hell doesn’t sound legal.

Annoyance must have been clear on your face as Baizhu leans a little closer to respond calmly. “I can assure you that this is very normal and practiced by many physicians. I just felt the need to tell you, as we agreed to you receiving a form of compensation.”

His eyes slither down your body to linger on where he must have taken the sample. “It would have been a hassle for us both if I waited till now to take it. I would have had to cut your skin after it healed so nicely, meaning you would be at risk for an infection.”

Baizhu may not be acting as obviously as a fanatic as you were earlier, but he was making you wildly uncomfortable. It’s a struggle to keep your body from tensing up under his growing gaze.

“So what did you choose as compensation? Last time we spoke about this, I don’t believe you had a set answer yet.”

With your mind reorienting back to how you can gain from this situation, you request your choice confidently.

“I want the strongest knock-out drug or sedation or whatever other name it goes by that you have. Something that can’t be obtained over the counter. Something that borders on being illegal.”

Was it strange to request this? It seems so, judging by Baizhu’s smile dropping as his eyebrows pinch together in what could be confused as worry.

But it’s a necessity to you.

Yelan and Shenhe couldn’t be dealt with due to the strength imbalance. That would take months, if not years, for you to get to a level where you can fight them one on one without using every means possible to win. Other acolytes exist that were even better than them, some that weren’t even human.

As the environment and tools in your disposal were much different and limited compared to when you were on Earth, you needed something more on the trap side. Having that weird, almost instant knowledge of weapons, elemental energy and rare bursts of power was the most you could ask for in combat. But it would be best to avoid combat if you can.

This drug would be the perfect way to.

“There are plenty of sleeping aids available over the counter. Why not choose from them rather than get a prescription for one from me?”

Baizhu is more than well aware of why you are requesting this, as he specifically addresses it as a mere ‘sleeping aid’. Whether he’s worried about you or for you doesn’t matter.

“I’m not questioning and probing for more answers as to how my tissue sample is so connected to your research. So you shouldn’t be trying to question mine, either.”

His whole face seems to light up at your swift and defensive response. “You have nothing to worry about, my dear.”

A smooth chuckle leaves him as he leans down to whisper into your ear from where you sit on the bed. “I’ll get you exactly what you desire and with any luck, my research will make leaps and bounds of progress.”

Goosebumps are raised across your skin as he stands back up straight. The square-framed glasses almost hiding the slitted golden eyes that try to devour you glint from the sunlight streaming in.

Baizhu leaves and you can finally breathe.

—----------------------

Time passes by slowly and with little options to cure your boredom, you find yourself engrossed in deciding which of Teyvat’s many delicacies you want to try. Last time you cooked on Beidou’s ship, the cooking laws followed the same logic as it did when you played the game.

It was one of the few perks you had from being the Creator. You had to make it count.

Even if it was just to distract yourself from overthinking the upcoming meeting with Ningguang.

It’s the wind’s echoing of the footsteps gradually getting louder that pull you out of the screen and back into the present. With a satisfying stretch, you sit up properly and yell a “Come in!” when a knock rings out.

Different shades of blue hair can be seen entering as Xingqiu strolls in with Chongyun behind him.

You greet them first with a toothy smile and lazy wave. “It's been a while since we last saw each other. Glad to see you both made it back here safely.”

Tension immediately leaves Xingqiu’s shoulders at your words, as Chongyun moves past him to take a hold of your shoulders.

“How could you be so reckless?!” His hair is slicked back, giving you a clear view of his pinched brows and lips bitten raw.

“The Adepti aren't beings to mess with, you could have really died!” Did he think the Adepti were responsible for your injuries? It would be the only logical conclusion, since Yelan chasing you was definitely a secret operation and Shenhe was just by chance.

“I shouldn't have let the confusing mess sweep me along, making me blindly listen to you. Maybe then you wouldn't have gotten this seriously hurt.”

He's hot, you blandly take note as his fingers dig into the clothing. It even seeped through your clothing, but you can't bring yourself to push him off.

Not when he's trying to hide how they shake as if he's the one shivering in a snowstorm.

“Why did you push us to leave with the victims? You and Xingqiu are eloquent enough to have convinced them to let you come back with us! How could you push us away?!”

… Was he trying to blame you? Briefly looking away from the frosty yet heated gaze of Chongyun, you glance at Xingqiu. His head is turned away, and he makes no effort to stop or step in.

“If you just let us help you rather than pushing us away, everything could have been avoided!” What the hell? “I should have just ran back when we were still close enough. Then you wouldn't have been so severely hurt.”

The constant whiplash of Chongyun’s words and emotions confused you. Grabbing his hands, you pry him off and pushed him away.

“I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. Okay, maybe better choices could have been made, but what's the point in dwelling on them now?” There's an annoyed bite to your tone that slips out.

Like gasoline to a fire, Chongyun explodes on you.

“What's the point?! The point is that you nearly died due to something that could have been prevented if we just thought a little harder! What if you died? What would you do then? Nothing! Because it'd be too late!”

His face is red as he yells, and his words feel like a forgotten consciousness crawling back to you. Infesting you with the long forgotten fear of what death had in store for you.

“So what?! That's for me to deal with, not you! If I die then, I die and if I live, then I live.” There's an ugly smile on your face that twists into a snarl. “You don't need to feel responsible for what happened, okay? So don't try to berate me and stew on what is already done.”

Jitters run through Chongyun’s body as he breathes loudly and takes a step forward-Only to get stopped by Xingqiu grabbing his arm.

“Stop it Chongyun. That's enough, your yang spirit is out of control and making you hotheaded.”

“But they-”

“Enough.” Xingqiu’s voice is firm as his grip visibly tightens around the joint. “Cool off inside the room or outside. It's your choice.”

Chongyun glares at Xingqiu before ripping his hand away and stomping to the corner. It's only with the distance that you can see how his fingers tremble worse than an addict.

The popsicle he pulls out is shoved into his throat as sweat visibly sticks to his skin and his haggard breathing becomes visible.

Maybe you should feel sympathetic, but all you can hear is his anger and accusations in your ears.

“Y/N…” Xingqiu’s voice calls out, and you finally get to see his face and take note of the slight red rim around his eyes.

He's been crying, you realize, and what makes it worse is how uncomfortable you feel at the sight.

“Chongyun was definitely in the wrong for getting so mad and starting the fight with you.” He glances over at the Cryo user, who refuses to look at either of you. 

You can spot faint bite marks dotting his fingernails.

“But it's not completely his fault either. He-We’ve been worried ever since we arrived at Liyue and never found you. We tried to-”

“That still doesn't make sense. Just why get so worked up over me missing a few days. I'm an adult, I'll be fine. Hell, I am fine!”

You're agitated and on edge, but for the life of you, you can't tell why. A small part of you, the sensible part of your brain, is already whispering that you're going too far, but you shut it down.

“Why even get mad at me about this? Why not the Adepti?!” Xingqiu’s silent stare at you is like needles prickling your skin.

The annoyance, frustration and confusion are what you cling to at this moment.

“Is it because they're firm believers of the Creator? Is it because you can't trust me as an Oracle?! Or is it because-”

“IT’S BECAUSE WE CARE!” Chongyun bellows out from his spot, whipping around to face you once more.

He takes long strides to you and reaches out his hands to touch you, to grab you-

But stops abruptly at your poorly hidden flinch. His expression morphs into something less fiery, with more hesitancy in his actions.

You let his hands awkwardly rest once again on your shoulders. But instead of the heat you experienced before, his fingers are cool but not cold.

“We were worried because we care about you.” Chongyun doesn't look the same as before. You decide to blame his hairstyle for that.

“I'm sorry for getting so worked up.” He starts slowly, his grip loosening with each word he utters. “I took the anger I had against myself on you, and I'm sorry for that.”

It's foreign to have them worry over your safety. To truly get this emotional over the thought of you dying.

But when you think back to your words and how you reacted in this whole argument, embarrassment creeps in.

“I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have snapped so easily and accused you guys of strange things.”

Yun Jin’s betrayal may have bothered you more than you realized. Not that you were unfamiliar with betrayal, but you didn't expect that a traditionally ‘good’ character would be so quick to sway.

The more you think about it, the more shame you feel.

“While I'm glad you both have made up for the high stress argument, I'm afraid we have more serious matters to discuss.”

Xingqiu’s words alert you both back into the present as he smoothly separates you from Chongyun.

“Ah, that's right, I almost forgot…” Chongyun mumbles to himself, only making you more confused on what the issue was.

“I'm not sure how, but the Qixing knew that you were the main party responsible for saving the kidnapped victims even before you arrived here in this state.”

What? 

The surprise must have been clear on your face as Xingqiu repeated his words and explained with more detail.

“Ganyu did arrive and focus the spotlight on her, but the Qixing immediately poked holes in it. The most adamant was the Yuheng.”

How would your incident with the Geovishap hatchling make Keqing believe you would save the children and not be the one to kidnap them?

The guild wouldn't disclose that information. It was literally stated on the contract Khan signed due to the seriousness of the commission. The breech in the confidentiality contract would be enough to warrant a lawsuit or legal action, they wouldn't risk it.

Did you talk to any guards about the case when searching for information? Anyone notable enough to report to Keqing?

It was no use, you couldn't remember all the details due to how long it's been since then.

“We thought that maybe you had already talked to her, so we brushed it off, but it got worse when we tried to go find you.”

Xingqiu gestures animatedly as he speaks. “Not only were there almost double the guards around the main entrances and exits, but I noticed at least four guards following me in the days leading up to your appearance.”

“We were repeatedly stopped from leaving and even when we tried leaving through unconventional ways, they still found us.” Chongyun finishes as he recounts the events.

“Only once were we able to leave the city in the dead of night, and it was the Yuheng herself that stopped us. She said that since we brought the victims back, she had reason to keep us in the city until further notice.”

Xingqiu scowls as he remembers the memory before cursing. “One hell of a convenient ass excuse.”

Chongyun finishes their story as he opens the curtain slightly and gestures to you to look out with him.

“This morning we both received letters saying we were free to leave now. It was just a few minutes later that we heard about you being brought here. And what do we see when we came to visit the first time?”

Following Chongyun’s line of sight, your breath catches at the sight of a Millelith guard hiding in a shaded area under a golden leaf tree.

“There’s even more in buildings and outside the window view.” Xingqiu adds as he takes the other side beside you.

Knuckles clutching the window sill tightly, you forcibly breathe in and out. Thoughts of just how long they've been watching you, what they could have done, and what they could have seen whirls around your brain.

All those Crystalflies, weasel thieves and the conversations you exchanged were now at risk of being exposed. With your heart thumping painfully loud in your chest, you wonder: What could they have already reported?

What was all your work in keeping out of the Qixing’s sight for? Ganyu didn't have much power, Keqing is set against you, Yun Jin betrayed you, Beidou’s gone and Ningguang already tried to off you with Yelan.

What did you possibly have left?

The two hands that lay on you startle but also ground you back to the present. Smooth skin and icy fingers draw your eyes to switch between the two vision holders.

“It'll be okay, Y/N. If they truly wanted to kill you, then they wouldn't have let you rest easily here.” 

“It's true, Ningguang once poisoned the water supply that specifically went to certain patients in a different clinic.”

And now you feel like shit again. It's not like you could trust Baizhu-you weren't even completely sure whether he intentionally hid the existence of the guards!

At your visible dampened mood, Chongyun lightly kicks Xingqiu’s shin, who only hisses at the pain before retaliating.

Watching them childishly fight like this is fun, a simple and small pleasure that you savor after all the bad news and confusing mysteries. 

That's right. You weren't alone. Not totally, at least.

It was painful to think about how your plan to avoid and leisurely please the Qixing failed, but it wasn't all over. Xingqiu and Chongyun thoroughly proved themselves on whose side they were on.

And if push came to shove, you could agree to marry Zhongli and let him deal with your problems.

“Don't worry too much, you two.” At your sudden but cryptic words, both of them stop and look at you.

Smiling serenely despite the turbulence your heart was suffering through, you give a vague explanation. 

“I already have a scheduled meeting with Ningguang. I'll either be praised by the masses as the oracle I am, or show up in a casket at the Wangsheng’s Funeral Parlor.”

Ending it with a sneaky grin, you press a finger to your lips. “I'm aiming for the third option of getting minor recognition before hitchhiking to Mondstadt.”

Rewriting this crap since TUMBLR KICKED ME OUT. I copy the ending that I wrote and only one word of it actually saved for me to paste. I wanna strangle this website. But anyway, got back from vacation, slept, unpacked and finished setting up everything properly after my editor finished. Just rechecked and turns out Tumblr also removed all the italics and bold which I had to re-add, how NICE I did manage to get a whole nice length chapter finished while I was away but I'm saving that for later as school is starting. I wanna have it there and post it in a while when I'm swamped while trying to get my school in order. So. Looking. Forward. To. It. :) I finished reading a few previous chapters to keep everything on track and wow. Y/N used to be so happy and hopeful lol. I would ask what happened but I’M what happened. It was still really fun to reread the adventure with Ayato. Perhaps it wasn’t obvious but Baizhu didn’t completely fall for the fanatic act. Changsheng trust her own judgement too much to look past the surface unless the person is visibly mysterious or pulling away. That’s why Baizhu could act the way he does despite the initial discomfort he felt (which was not faked) Taglist: Open as always!

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[curlyboys]

AU with Buck's Bakehouse where he promotes on tiktok and goes live some days in the shop when baking and taking orders. Tommy comes in one day asking about a cake/cupcakes Buck made that Sal or Lucy brought to work and he just had to scout the bakery they came from because his sweet tooth has high standards and those sweet treats were some of the best he's ever had.

Cue: a fluffy meetcute where Tommy's face is unseen but we can hear his voice and see Buck's radiant smile and pleased blushy grin, and his captivation when Tommy talks about being a pilot and/or firefighter.

The chat goes wild with how cool and kind and sexy and sassy Tommy sounds and how they love seeing Buck get the praise he deserves. After Tommy leaves - with a bunch of treats and free samples because how could Buck not? - Buck reads through the comments and gets all smiley and blushy, and laughs at people wanting to see what the firefighter looks like because he sounds hot; says something like, "He is! And totally jacked. I should've asked him about his workout routine.." (re:a totally straight thing to say..)

It's not the last time Tommy visits the bakery and he tends to drop by during Live time; when Buck explains the tiktok thing he pokes his face into view and smiles a shy scronchy smile waving at the camera. The chat once again explodes with hearts and stickers and comments about how hot and sweet the buff firefighter is.

Over a month or two, Buck and Tommy get acquainted and become somewhat friends. Buck bakes for a fundraising event for Tommy's work and is encouraged to film some content to get them more awareness online so he does. The footage heavily features Tommy: from a distance zoomed in amongst a group, as well as devouring Buck's sweet treats - with Buck grinning wide in the foreground and when Tommy notices and freezes Buck cracks up followed by Tommy's quintessential scronchy smile as he wipes his mouth. Buck also films him doing a talk and helping with demonstrations and even gets a private tour of Tommy's favorite chopper. It's a good day and he feels like he's making a real new friend.

Tommy also drops by Buck's stall at the local markets and they chat for a bit and he circles back at the end to help Buck pack up.

Needless to say: the chat is divided between those who want Buck, those who want Tommy, and those who ship them together. Buck doesn't understand 'shipping' but Tommy laughs and explains, making Buck go shy. There might be a reveal where Tommy mentions that Buck (Evan, to him btw) is his type but way out of his league, and Tommy isn't Buck's type so he apologises to the chat before leaving - and leaving a confused Buck behind. He wonders if Tommy was joking or if he actually likes guys? That doesn't matter, but was he just being nice in a jokey way, or is Buck really his type? And how could Tommy think he wouldn't be Buck's type? Gender aside he's totally cool and hot and.. it's a little confounding and Buck stutters through the end of his live, forcing a smile he doesn't quite feel.

Maybe what follows is Buck learning Tommy and Eddie are hanging out - they met at the market stall - and Buck gets jealous, especially because Buck has known Tommy longer and yet they've hung out less. So he crashes their basketball game - despite hating basketball - and the only way the chat knows is because Tommy mentioned it during a too-brief visit to the bakery, so brief they didn't really get to chat and Buck was left feeling bereft and tamping down jealousy.

Also: Eddie, but moreover Chris, helps Buck in the bakery a couple times a week. Next time we see Eddie he's got matching crutches to Chris as he playfully eyes Buck's phone from where he's propped on a stool, a contrite looking Buck in the foreground: they're okay, Buck apologised for the hip-bump and Eddie's not actually mad at him about it. Chris is all smiles as he cuts some cookies. It's a video not a live and the caption is something like: when you maim your best friend but he forgives you because he accepts your idiocy and loves you anyway. The video ends with a happy smiley Eddie and a contrite looking Buck. There's no mention of Tommy but the chat has extrapolated from what they know and post a bunch of theories - some closer to the mark than others.

Tommy, meanwhile, has been catching up on Buck's videos and reading the comments. He decides an in-person conversation is due and drops by the bakery at closing: he asks if they can talk and Buck ends the live so they can.

The next time we see Buck on live he's different: dazed in a happy way. He doesn't give much detail but answers a question about Tommy saying they did talk but giving no details - but his shy blushy smile is enough for folks to guess. Buck focuses on his baking walkthrough for the rest of the Live, and when it's done he mentions it being a special delivery order and he has to leave to drop it off; the chat correctly guesses it's a surprise for Tommy but Buck neither confirms or denies, just says it's for a valued vip customer.

[sumplysilly]

NEED HELP W UTILITIES ($0/342~)

Hellooo it's that time of month again. I need to make $120 by the 20th for my insurance, & $222 by the 28th for utilities. I also have to get a stool sample from my tortoise checked soon bc he's been sick w worms, idk how much that'll cost but I'm hoping under $100.

Linking my comm info below, also my ko-fi where I take requests! & some examples of my work. Art is my only source of income so business is super appreciated. ty for reading & sharing

COMMISSIONS - KO-FI

[frantic-fiction]

May I request some Jealous!Fem!Reader x Astarion? Maybe one where someone from Astarion’s past makes an appearance and while Astarion sees this woman as just a friend, reader can see the woman blatantly flirting with her vampire spawn and she doesn’t like it one bit. ESPECIALLY if Astarion’s oblivious to the woman’s advances and innocently engages (because let’s face it, our boy loves being praised & complimented 24/7). Reader decides it’s her turn to stake her claim on our little sassy vampire and remind everyone who he belongs to ;)

Yes! Yes! Thank you for the request!

Jealous

Astarion x gn!reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1.5k

Masterlist

It was nice being back in the city. Yes, there was still the ever-looming threat of the Absolute, but most of the party was back home, and for once, it felt like, for a moment, everyone could breathe. You had a fluffy bed to sleep on instead of a lumpy bedroll. And while Gale always made whatever perversions the party scavenged taste good, the warm, hearty tavern meals you've been treated to as of late were too good to beat.

But the best part of being back was taking any moment to drag Astarion out into the city to wherever he fancies so he can explore Baldur's Gate in the daylight without the darkness of Cazador. He wanted to visit the farmers market today, so you wandered the vendors' stalls, stopping to take moments and smell flowers and sample wares.

Astarion politely conversed with a tailor about the fabric quality used for a shirt he wanted. Frankly, they had been talking longer than your attention span could handle, so when your eyes wandered to a stall full of beaded jewelry, you wasted no time giving Astarion a quick peck on the cheek and telling him where you'd be.

The pieces were beautiful and skillfully crafted—brightly colored beads and gold inlays, gems of various minerals, all catching your eyes. The older halfling woman propped highly on the stool, greets you politely, and gives little details and facts about each one you set aside for closer inspection. Maybe you should get something for Shadowheart and Karlach? Probably not Lae—

"Astarion!"

A feminine voice has you snapping your head back to your partner. A frown instantly settles over your features when you see a tall, elven woman pull Astarion's hug. Her brown hair is intricately braided into a top knot decorated in sparkly chains. Her dress hugs her curves, framing her body perfectly.

Why are they still hugging?

"Oh Gods, it's been too long. You're looking amazing." Her nasal voice filters down the markets. "How are you, love?"

Astarion finally manages to break the hug, giving the woman an automatic flirtatious smile, the tailor long forgotten. "Eleanor, I've been well. I do hope the same can be said for you."

Dropping the beads with little care, you leave the stall, ignoring the halfling. You don't like this woman. You don't like how her hand still lingers on Astarion's forearm or how she leans ever so slightly closer as if daring him to kiss her.

"I've been fine, though I'm upset you haven't visited in quite a while. It's been rather dull without you." She runs her hand up his arm.

Astarion laughs, flicking his hand in the air and clearly enjoying the woman's words. "I could only imagine, my dear. Those brutes are fowl at their best. Who wouldn't miss me."

Your jaw clenches when her obnoxious laughter rings in the air. Pushing past a family of four throwing a half-ass apology, not paying mind, too pissed off. Who does this woman think she is putting her hands on Astarion as if he's hers?

"Astarion, you always knew how to make me laugh." Elenor ducks her head, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "If I'm being honest, I was always jealous of the ones you took home. But now that we're here, maybe…"

Oh, hell no! You practically jump the rest of the way and run into Astarion's arm. He lets out a breathy oof, arms tightening around your waist to keep you from tumbling to the ground. Pretending you weren't aware of the woman, you capture Astarion into a chaste kiss before beaming up at him.

"I hope you found what you were looking for, my love." Your voice is sickly sweet as you trail your thumb across his cheekbone. Then you turn your head and feign innocence, looking at the elf. "Oh, I'm sorry, Star. Who is this?"

Astarion gives you a look but recovers quickly. Clearing his throat, he speaks, "Darling, this is Eleanor. She owns a tavern I frequented. One of the only decent companies I've had before we met."

Moving away from Astarion's side, you reach your hand out in greeting, giving her your name, "It's a pleasure to meet a friend of my Star,"

Eleanor looks a bit taken aback, staring blankly at the two of you, clearly not expecting this change in her plans. You're internally preening. She takes your hand in a limp shake before dropping it and stepping back. Eleanor quickly wipes her hand on her dress slyly and chuckles.

"That explains why I haven't seen you in a while."

You sneer at her, wanting nothing more than to punch her. Instead, you drop your hand onto Astarion's chest, nuzzling warmly into his side. "Yes, sorry about that. I've been a bit selfish. Sometimes it hard to get out of bed."

"Right…" Eleanor says. Astarion, I never took you as one to settle down, especially someone as… unique as them."

"What is that supposed to mean?" The venom drips from your words, and Astarion has to keep you in place.

Eleanor smirks. "Oh, I meant nothing bad." The mocking tone alone reinforces that she meant this to be as insulting as possible. "I'm just stating you're rougher around the edges."

Astarion's hold on your waist tightens as you move to step forward, hand reaching for the dagger discreetly hidden against your thigh. There is no possible way this woman values Astarion in any way more than as a body to conquer. That thought alone has you practically baring your teeth.

"What the fuck does that mean!"

Astarion steps in before you can do anything extreme, "Eleanor, it was lovely seeing you again. We'll have to come and visit sometime for a drink, but I'm afraid my love and I must make our leave."

"Oh yes, of course!" Elenor says, her voice a bit too filled with fake cheer. Her smile is strained, and her eyes stare daggers into your skull. "I hope I can see you at the tavern sometime soon."

"Yes, we'll come down for a visit sometime soon. " Astarion calls over his shoulder, practically dragging you down the cobblestone. You think about ripping your arm out of his hold and turning back, but you let him pull you along with only a death glare sent toward Eleanor.

As soon as the two of you are in a secluded place, Astarion drops your hand and turns on you. "Darling, what was that?"

Picking at your nails, you shrug your shoulders. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Astarion takes your hand and, with a finger, tilts your chin to force you to meet his eyes. He has a shit-eating grin, and his fangs are even more prominent in his smile. "You were jealous."

Swatting his hands away, you step back. "I was not!" You lie and storm down the alleyway. You didn't get far before Astarion caught your wrist and spun you into his chest.

"You were jealous." He repeats. "But you really shouldn't be."

"She was all over you."

"It was a hug, my dear, from probably the closest normal friendship I had before the tadpole."

"Friendship? She was practically begging you to fuck her." You huff, fiddling with the lapels of Astarion's shirt.

Astarion chuckles deeply and presses a kiss to your forehead. "Gods, you're cute when you're jealous."

"Don't make fun of me, Astarion."

Ignoring you, he continues. "For argument's sake, if she was begging me to fuck her, as you so eloquently put it, who cares? I certainly don't, not when I have this beautiful, strong, incredibly understanding partner who knows all the darkest parts of me and still stands by my side?"

"Well, I am pretty noble for putting up with you when you're hungry." You smile, looping your arms around his neck, all jealousy draining from you like water from a colander.

"How could another soul handle me in that horrid state." Astarion runs his nose against yours. "I love you and don't plan on stopping soon."

You beam and kiss him breathlessly before mumbling, "I love you too," against his lips. "I think we should head back to our room."

Astarion chuckles under his breath, running his hands down the curve of your spine. "Oh, what for my sweet?"

"Well," Crawling your fingers up his chest, you press your lips to his ear and whisper. "If you'll let me, I want to mark every inch of your neck." "Mark me as yours, darling?" Astarion hums.

"Mhmm, we could go further, but" you continue. "Tonight, I want you to show me this tavern Eleanor owns. I think we deserve a date night."

"You are jealous."

"If I agree, will you take me out?" You lean in for a kiss.

Astarion presses forward, brushing his lips against yours. "As long as I have a necklace of your pretty love bites."

"Then yes, my love, I am very much jealous."

I've been struggling with inspiration lately. Moving was super stressful and I had to leave a hostile work environment very quickly so life's been a bit messy. But I've got my kitty cat and don't have to deal with a shitty boss so hopefully things will go up from here.

I'm kinda iffy on how I feel on this one but that might just be my current mindset. I hope you all enjoy it regardless, and stay tune because I plan on have something spicier posted soonish...possibly Astarion discovering his breeding kink 🫣❤️

Taglist: @heartfully10@ayselluna@marina-and-the-memes@anixson@canonicalchaoticneutral @toadsbitch @meulinkitten-blog @ambr4armr @lotusandcrystals @venussakura @synapticjive @skittleabyss@asterordinary@lariatbunny @whispering-depths@butchboi-chihuahua-slumlord@darkest-part-of-the-forest@queenofcarrotflowers-s@sessils @d20bunny@cherifrog@ophelia-ophelian@bgthree@darlingxdragon@mothynyx @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf@babyqnn @mmendez0124@kokoyu-art@lilah-asteria

Want to be added to the taglist? DM me please!

[abellalu]

A Night Unexpected (One-Shot)

Summary: A hard-working lab researcher encounters Loki during a late night working and can not help, but feel captivated by him. However, when the researcher agrees to go on a date with her brash co-worker, Loki ends up saving the day (or at least the date). Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x Reader Word Count: 2.6k

The lab was quiet except for the light hum of the machines. During the day, the lab could feel like it would burst from the noise with all the scientists working on their projects and yelling over the music that Tony Stark insists is required for inventing. Everyone else had already gone home for the night, and now it was just you sitting at your station.

You heard the door squeak and a light footstep. When you turned around, you expected to see another one of your coworkers coming back to retrieve a forgotten item, but instead were greeted by a different presence, Loki. 

“I expected you might be in here,” Loki said, illuminated by only the light in the hallway. Despite the darkness of the lab, you could still see the sharp angles of his face and his gentle smile to you. 

“I suppose I have become predictable,” you laugh quietly. “I just enjoy being able to have some time to myself and thoughts, away from all the chaos.”

“I apologize for interrupting your thoughts. What are you working on now that requires you here so late?”

“It’s not that late Loki, it’s only-” you look at the clock, “I suppose the time got away from me again.”

He laughs and slowly sits down on the stool next to you. “You are very dedicated to your work, I-” he pauses, “It’s admirable how much care you put into the things you love.” 

You look up at him, stunned by what he just said. Your mouth is slightly agape as you try to think of a response. Does he truly think I’m admirable? This is a man who works with the Avengers, who helped save Asgard. Eventually you close your mouth and look down at your work, so Loki continues.

“Tell me more about what you’re working on,” He said with a smile, eyes looking at you with anticipation.

“Are you sure? I tend to ramble and I can get distracted easily.” You laugh pitifully. “I might bore you to death from my talking.”

“I don’t think so, I think you- I mean, your work is quite captivating and I don’t mind rambling.” 

You stare at him for a second, then clear your throat, “Well, I did make a discovery with the sample I was studying…” 

The next morning, you can not stop your mind from wandering back to your conversation with Loki. You’ve always had a different perspective of him than many others. While others saw him as cold and distant, you saw how curious he was, the remarkable intelligence he had. Every conversation you had with him, he showed genuine interest and kindness towards you. 

However, last night, Loki showed admiration for not just your work but for you as a person. In the dark lab, the conversation felt more intimate, and you made yourself more vulnerable to another person than you have for a long time. 

But then doubt starts. What if he was simply being polite? It is hard to wrap your mind around the idea that someone like Loki could truly care about you and not judge for being overly passionate.

As you continued to walk to the lab, you heard someone call your name behind you. While turning around, you feel your heart longing for it to be Loki. But when you look back, you see your coworker John. 

He was nice to work with. He generally completed all his research in a timely manner and he had a contagious laugh that always lifted the spirits of the lab even after tiring days. Yet, you still had to hide your disappointment with a polite smile. 

“Hello John, did you need something?” 

“I just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing.” His hands are in his pockets and he shows off his wide white smile. “It’s rare I get to catch you outside of the lab, I wanted to take advantage of this moment.” 

“Oh, well I’ve just been working on my research and I have made some interesting discoveries and I-” 

“You work too hard,” John interrupts. “What do you like to do outside of work?” 

You pause, while certainly your work isn’t your entire life, you care deeply about your research. Does Loki think I’m odd? “Um well, I like-” 

“See this is what I’m talking about, you gotta explore life outside of the lab.” You stare at him considering what he said.

John continues, “Listen, I will be quite frank. I think you are beautiful and I’m hoping you can take some time away from the lab and go out to dinner with me.”

“Oh,” You are thrown off guard by his request. Sure John was always nice, but you never expected him to have any interest in you. 

But maybe you should take advantage of the opportunity. It has been awhile since you’ve been asked out and maybe John was right, you need to spend some time away from the lab.

You hesitate, but finally you take a deep breath, “Yes, I would love to.” You force yourself to give him another smile.

“Good, that’s what I like to hear.” John walks closer to you, instantly you feel as though your space is being invaded. “How about tomorrow night then? I’m excited to see you outside of this compound, see you all dressed up.” He smirks.

“Alright, sounds good.” You look away from him and quicken your pace as you continue on to the lab. It’s good to get outside of your comfort zone, this is good for you, you keep reminding yourself.

Around the corner, Loki overhears your conversation with John. 

Loki never liked John, he reminded him too much of Thor before he got sent to Earth. He can tell you’re uncomfortable from the way you make yourself smaller and your voice being only slightly louder than a whisper.

Loki can’t stop the pang of hurt he feels when he hears you say “yes.” He knows he shouldn’t feel it, that the two of you are barely even friends and you can go and date whoever you like. Still, he wishes that you did not feel pressured to agree, he wishes that he was the one to ask you first. 

All he can hope is that John treats you well.

Loki doesn’t know why he is walking past the lab. He knew you wouldn’t be there tonight, that you would be busy with your date. He grimaces just thinking about it. Loki knows that he is jealous. Jealous that John gets to spend time with you, to hear you laugh. 

But he will keep that jealousy to himself if it means you being happy.

The door is open to the lab and Loki can hear the clattering of tools. That’s peculiar, no one ever works this late. No one except one. Curious, Loki sticks his head through the doorway, only to find the person he least expects. 

“John, what are you doing here,” Loki demands. He tried to keep his voice level. John shouldn’t be here, he should have already left for your date. 

“Ah shit, Loki you scared me,” John grunts. “I had a project I needed to finish before Stark gets on my ass about it, so now I’m stuck here.”

“Shouldn’t you be on your date?” Loki wonders if maybe it was canceled, that you were simply having a night in away from this imbecile man. 

“I know it sucks, I’ll text her later telling her what happened. She’ll understand since she can be such a workaholic freak sometimes.” 

Any composure Loki was then gone, he felt his fists tighten as he stared John down, “You don’t tell her that you would make it.” Loki’s voice is just below a yell, John flinches. “And how dare you call her a freak, she is more dedicated to her work then anyone else here and she should be praised for it. But you,” Loki says gravelly, slowly getting closer to John. “You feel as though you can belittle her for it. And as if you weren’t wasting her time enough by asking for a date, you didn’t even bother to show up”

“Listen, I was planning on showing up,” John trembles. “Work just got the best of me and I gotta stay here for the night. She won’t mind being alone, I chose a nice restaurant too.”

Alone. You are alone right now. 

Loki realizes he needs to change that ultimately. John is a later problem, he can deal with him later. Loki quickly runs out of the room with a plan.

There you are, at a restaurant you can’t afford and far more uptight than you prefer. The lighting is low, but instead of feeling relaxed like when you turn down the lights in the lab, you just feel anxiety.

John hasn’t arrived yet. Your leg is bouncing up and down, as you try to calmly look for him. To see if he is lurking in any of the shadows. 

You had left work early today, well early for you, to have time to get ready. You searched through your closet trying to find something acceptable for the date (eventually you found an old pencil dress you had bought for a grad school reception) and pulled your hair up into a tight updo. 

As you sat at your table, you continued to watch more couples sit down and their orders be taken. You check your phone, he is 20 minutes late. Well that it isn’t too late I guess, maybe I was just too early. 

And so you continue to wait. You want for a man you don’t even care for and who likely doesn’t care about you simply because he made you uncomfortable. He made you feel as though he was your only option.

But then you see a man weaving through the crowd, mumbling quick apologies. Was John always so tall? 

Loki. Loki came.

As he gets closer, you can see his raven black hair is a mess with curls in all different directions. He is wearing a white button down with slacks and a blazer. Such a formal outfit looks natural on him.

“I’m so sorry,” Loki says as he sits down across from you. “I hope you didn’t have to wait too long.”

“Loki, what are you doing here? I’m supposed to be,” he cuts you off.

“Slight change of plans, you came here to have dinner with your date. Only the date has changed, simply as that.” Loki settles into his seat and starts looking at the menu as though there was nothing odd about the situation.

“Loki, you can’t be serious,” you sigh. “Listen, John is going to be here any moment, this isn’t funny.” God, you are so tired of this day. You just want to go home and be by yourself. Screw going outside of your comfort zone. 

“I am being serious.” Loki looks directly at you. For a moment, you wish to look away, but you can’t help staring at his blue eyes. “Unlike that idiot man who originally was going to be here, I’ll admit he was clever to ask you out, I should have done it first. But he was always just going to take advantage of your time whether he came or not.”

You froze, your mind could not comprehend what Loki just said to you. You should ask about why John isn’t here. But all thoughts and questions are just about Loki. “What do you mean you should have done it first?”

“Exactly what it sounds like, I wished I asked you to go on a date with me first.” He leans forward. “When I am in the same room as you, I am constantly astonished by you. The way you speak with such passion,” he smiles sadly. “The way you are always kind to me, I don’t deserve your kindness. I think that’s the reason why I’ve avoided asking you to spend more time with me. It’s silly though because then I just ended up always walking by the lab late at night, hoping to catch a glimpse of you.”

“And I was always there.” You give him a soft smile. “I think you are too hard on yourself, all the kindness I’ve shown you, you deserve. Just look at what you’ve done for me tonight. You showed up. If anything I don’t deserve your kindness, I shouldn’t be surprised John didn’t show up-”

“You’re wrong,” he laughs softly. “Maybe we are both too hard on ourselves. All I know is that you are an intelligent, thoughtful, and beautiful woman.” You feel your cheeks get warm and try to resist a smile. “I just hope I can be good company for the night.” Loki gives you a shy smile, only now you realize that he is just as nervous as you about making a good impression.

You take his hand resting on the table into yours and give him a gentle squeeze, “I know you will be more than good company.”

You and Loki are walking side-by-side, your arms occasionally lightly touching each other. After you shivered when a particularly cool breeze passed by, Loki gave you his jacket. The sidewalk was mostly dark except for the shine of the lamps and the moon.

The walk back to your apartment took much longer than it should have, but you didn’t care. If the two of you took the wrong corner a couple of times, so be it. During your dinner, the two of you talked and laughed the entire time. But now you are walking in a comfortable silence just feeling comforted by the other’s presence. 

Eventually though, all good things come to an end and you reach the entrance of your apartment building.

You look up at him and break the silence, “This is where I live.” 

“Oh, I see,” Loki says quietly. “I’m glad I could get you home safely.”

You smile, “I’m glad too. Thank you, not just for walking me home, but for everything. I truly enjoyed the evening with you. I think it all worked out better than I could have imagined.”

Loki nods his head gently, the corner of his mouth raising slightly. You see him rock on the heels of his feet. Slowly, the two of you move closer together. Loki leans down, staring at your lips, but eventually his lips land on your cheek giving you an affectionate peck. 

You can’t help, but laugh. 

Loki looks at you puzzled, “What is it?” 

“Oh, nothing.” you say before rising to stand on your tiptoes and catch his mouth with your lips. For a moment, he stands there shocked, but eventually relaxes. His hands gently hold the side of your face. 

When you break apart, he rests his forehead against yours. He tries to hold back a boyish laugh, but once you start to laugh again with him, he can’t resist it anymore; the happiness he feels.

You don’t know how long it takes for you to separate from him, occasionally one of you giggles under your breath. Eventually, you walk to the door of your apartment building with an extra skip in your step.

“I’m keeping your jacket,” you smile coyly. “You can get back eventually, as long as you take me out on another date.” 

“Deal.”