#I accept assumptions in any format | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mystxmomo · 2 months ago

Note

I love your posts on Vhaeraun! They're really grounded in his character and I appreciate that you went into the reasoning behind his actions while not dismissing that he sometimes does messed up things. I've been insane about drow lore for years now and I'm curious about your thoughts on Eilistraee. She's such an interesting character to me in that while she obviously cares about the drow and seeks their freedom the way she goes about it come off almost naive at times. But at the same time she has a deep melancholy and temper. And she opposes Lolth but her clergy still operates similarly at times with the exclusion of males and almost dogmatic reluctance to accept change. Idk I think her contradictions are interesting and she's not frequently explored beyond a shallow, romanticized lens. Sorry for ranting lol but if you have any thoughts on her I would love to hear them!

Yeeeah. I'm glad you sent this, actually. I have another ask that I'm writing up a longer answer for dealing with Vhaeraun and Eilistraee's relationship, and to get into why I see their relationship like I do I had to sit down and spend the first part of that analyzing her character. So, I'm actually happy that I have the chance to separate the post into parts, both for length and just keeping things concise.

First off, yeah. I think the important thing about DnD gods is that they're as "human" as they are. They're not omnipotent, they're deeply flawed people and characters with motivations and histories that color their perspective on things. I think a more grounded approach to them is "the correct one" (in as much as any interpretation in DND can be a correct one, but my thoughts on that still remain that they're just building blocks for you to do as you'd like with.

Now. This post is going to be equally long. I actually have a lot of thoughts on Eilistraee, but to explore the thoughts that I have on her we need to go into the bigger real world concepts that influence her and the idea's around her. So, I do feel that a few disclaimers going into this before I hit it with our read-more are necessary.

I'm going to format this post a little differently than I did Vhaeruan's. The thing about Vhaeraun's character is that within the books and DnD proper, he's meant to be an evil. Right. So it's not very hard to get people on board with the idea that in their attempts to demonize him, they managed to create a compelling abuse narrative. However. Eilistraee and her church, as you mentioned, often ends up getting seen through this incredibly romanticized lens especially within in the role she plays in drow society. So when her church doesn't have the best portrayal in these books, there's seemingly this community impulse to disregard those portrayals as something lesser or like they hold less narrative weight because they don't play into the better parts of the church.

So I want to start this post by creating a groundwork using things that are strictly from the source books and official magazines, and then building on that to lend weight to the portrayals her and her church is given within the novels. And then I will get into sourcing things like Evermeet, War of the Spider Queen, and Lady Penitent when I talk about Eilistraee and Vhaeraun's relationship.

Secondly, you'll notice I mentioned her church a lot here. Eilistraee is in an interesting position. Unlike Vhaeraun and Lolth (Of who I believe the books are rather explicit about where and how their motivations differ from their churches) Eilistraee really doesn't get as much of that treatment. We're told some things about how she holds herself and what she values, but she's purposefully left as an enigma. You have to make a lot more assumptions about who she is based around the community around her.

Now, I DO think the gods are separate people from their churches, and often times do hold different views to the communities that are devoted to them. My favorite example being Vhaeraun being genuinely far more chill about woman than his church is, and you can see it in the way he has to go "Yes, oh my god, you even need to help the female drow rogues no matter what."

So, I want to explore her church and what is seen as "good" within it in relationship to her, though I do promise to account for the fact that it is not her. I just think that there are some conclusions you can draw about her based on her church.

Finally, same disclaimer I gave in Vhaeraun Analysis is worth giving here. I am about to focus on Eilistraee and her church in a lot of very critical ways. I don't hate Eilistraee, I think a lot of people do use character criticism as an excuse to engage in character hate, so I understand why people get a little defensive about it sometimes. But I think she's genuinely a very fascinating character, and the criticisms I have are part of the reason I'm so interested in her and who she is. I'm an author who's main interest comes from exploring these heavier themes of abuse and trauma and exploring how real world cultural influences show within art.

Basically. This is fun for me, and if it's not fun for you, you don't have to take my analysis as anything more then one persons insane ramblings on the internet. This is a red string board of media analysis. It's also a LOT more subjective and has a lot of my opinions baked into it as a result of what we're going to get into, so. Make of it what you will.

Now. This pre read-more part of the post is already quite long, but as a final note. I'm going to be getting into a lot of heavier topics here. Abuse is obvious given the drow, but I actually want to get into specfically emotionally abusive structures, what cultural catholicism is, and passive sexism (Especially with Gender Elitism) and how these ideas and their existence within our cultural effects her church.

Okay!

So, I will actually start on a more positive note:

I'm not going to be criticizing the nudity or sexuality of her church. I have made mention in the past that I'm of the belief that the drow and the cultures around it, despite often being played rather straight in-universe as horror and cult abusive narratives, were things created on a Doylist level to be very titillating, sexually explicit, and horrifying. I don't think this is a bad thing and I don't think it discredits the weight these characters and stories end up having. And in fact, I think these stories could only be as strong as they are because they were fueled by being as emotionally charged as they are (Sexuality is an emotion.)

I think. And I acknowledge that this one is a very subjective opinion, but my opinion you will have nonetheless. I think, in a time where cultural puritanical-ism is at it's height, it's actually growing to be very important to have casual portrayals of sexuality and nudity, let ALONE nonsexual nudity. I've always been of the opinion that it's fine. Let woman go topless (if that's something you want to explore of course, the beauty of DnD remains if you DON'T want to include it you don't have to. But to deny it as a source of inspiration would feel incorrect.)

So I'm not going to be criticizing the nudity and sexuality of it all when it comes to her church. I think it's fun, I think there are ways you can explore that in a meaningful way, and I think something is being done thematically there that's worth keeping and examining as is given to us.

Secondarily. While there are things I'm going to be critical of with her church, there are things I really, really love about her church. I think the thing that tends to draw people into her isn't all the things I'm about to talk about, but rather the focus on drow as a people with art, and culture, and community. And this is something I really like about her church as well. Having something that puts divine weight on the importance of these things speaks to a lot of people I think, especially given that DnD was created in fuckle America land of the "Continuing to cut more and more from arts and humanities and community everyday." Her religion really is the only of the drow religions that puts this much emphasis on celebrating that.

I like domestic fantasy. I prefer it to hero's journeys actually, but if I start talking about that I'll get off topic.

So yes. I think there is a reason she and her church gets as romanticized as it does. It's built into the text to be romanticized, because the people who originally made it were romanticizing it.

Okay. so with THOSE two things spoken for. Lets get into the nitty gritty.

DnD and it's alignment system, at it's core, has always had something of an issue with the cultural Catholicism of it all. Cultural Catholicism is the idea that when you're raised in a society where the dominant religion is Christian-Catholic, even if you yourself are not Catholic it's likely you'll still pick up idea's of Catholicism within your own morality, and that those ideas will be echoed within the media you consume because as it is the dominant culture it influences what is seen as acceptable. You don't have to be Catholic, or even be raised as Catholic, to end up holding a lot of trauma and shame regarding ideas that are only considered shameful through the lens of Catholicism. As an example, a lot of people are still taught to feel a lot of shame around nudity and sex as a result of living in a society who's dominant religion influences the way conversations around it are handled.

So. To make my point about this, I would like to start by exploring the concept of Sin Eating.

The Silver Haired Knights were a concept introduced in Dragon Magazine #315. Dragon Magazine, if you don't know, if an official supplement material in the age before the internet. Now, it's worth noting. This was 3e-3.5e, which was the start of their attempts to double down on the demonization of all drow. Nonetheless, I think they thought this was a good thing and I still see it talked about today in some communities as a Good Thing:tm:.

Sin Eating is an ability that the Silver Haired Knights contain. I'm going to copy and paste from the wiki rather than Dragon Magazine itself because it summarizes it far better than the Dragon Magazine article does, though the Dragon Magazine article isn't hard to find, I implore you to go read it for yourself to get the full context of the class.

Powerful Silverhair Knights had the ability to "consume sins", to take the full weight of cruelty and suffering inflicted by evil beings' (mostly fey, humanoids, monstrous humanoids, and giants, but especially drow) upon themselves, which gave the Silverhair Knights their nickname: sin eaters. This was a complex and dangerous ritual, taking some minutes, that required the sin eater to maintain uninterrupted physical contact with their subject. The subject creature could be willing or unwilling, usually kept bound in the latter cases, or else unaware of the sin eater's intent if the sin eater chose to disguise it. When fully performed, the target creature felt the weight of all their sins on their conscience, understanding firsthand the errors of their ways. In cases of success, the target creatures were freed from their evil, regretted their past actions, and chose a different path from evil, often taking after the Knight, while the sins themselves were absorbed into the sin eater's soul and destroyed in the light of their purity and faith. In cases of failure, the sin eaters themselves were overcome by the absorbed sins; filled with despair, grief, rage, drained of their vitality, and fell into a coma for a full day. This could potentially kill the sin eater, but they would rise again as a ghost, with the same evil ways as the one they had tried to redeem. A sin eater could only attempt this risky ritual once a week, and only perform it on an individual sinner once a year.

I think this is, a little gross actually! To view this as a moral positive you have to believe in four things.

One, that sin and the weight of it is real on a metaphysical level (I do not.) Two, that redemption is earned strictly with forgiveness (I do not), Three, that people who are "pure" are noble by nature of being pure (I do not) and Four, that doing things without peoples consent to make them a "Better Person" is an inherent moral good, and anything done in the name of making someone live a "more ethical lifestyle" is an equal inherent good (Which I REALLY do not believe in. What is "good." Why is "good." How are you so sure your idea of good is so correct that it is work inflicting violence upon another person over, and in this context, changing the core of who they are over.)

The modern idea of purity, sin, and redemption, all come from Christianity. It is the idea that you need to work to be forgiven. It puts moral weight on the guilt and discomfort people feel for not only their past actions, but the past actions of the community around them. That you need to save others from their sin and from "evil."

To DnD, Good and Evil have an Aesthetic. You can be a good person that does violent things so long as it's for "good" reasons, and you can be an evil person that does good things however those good things are still considered evil because you yourself are bad. It's this idea of evil not as this very nuanced ethical dilemma, but instead as something that can be "Removed" from someone. I do not believe in this. I don't believe in the concept of sin (In that I don't believe in the concept of spiritual transgression or the idea of it as a corruptive influence) I don't believe in the concept of redemption (On a religious level of being absolved of it). I believe in people and their actions and how they respond to their circumstance, and I believe in people choosing to do better than they did yesterday. And this is one of the big flaws of Eilistraee's church and world view to me. Because to believe in Eilistraee's Churches Dogma, you have to accept the idea that drow need to work to be accepted. That it is their moral responsibility to show other people that they deserve their place in the world. And I don't believe that.

Although her arrow went astray because of Araushnee's treachery, Eilistraee chose banishment from Arvandor (and the Seldarine) along with her mother and brother, foreseeing a time when she would be needed to balance their evil. On Toril, the Dark Maiden strove for centuries against the hatred of Vhaeraun and his corrupting influence on the Ilythiiri (southern, darkskinned elves).

We don't know how much of Eilistraee's churches dogma's are her own. But based around how she talks about and views the drow under her brother and her mother (Cited above), I am willing to make the assumption that she sincerely does believe they need to earn their place in the world. And that's... It's kind of a depressing world view, isn't it? No community needs to earn acceptance and approval of others. To be allowed to exist should be enough.

...

Not unlike how I think a lot of Vhaeraun fans want to kind of swerve around the drow racism of it all, I think a lot of interpretations of Eilistraee really don't want to acknowledge the sexism of it all. But not unlike how I think the racism of Vhaeraun is deeply important to understanding how he see's the world, Eilistraee's churches specific brand of sexism and how it is an echo of Lolth's is DEEPLY important to understanding her and the culture around her.

In a way, I think ignoring the sexism of her church is worse..? Because often times, I'm met with the impression that it's not that we're CHOOSING not to include it, it's that we're not aware that it is sexism, right? There are a lot of people who, because of the romanticized idea they have of her (and because, admittedly of my own belief, of what is normalized in our culture and dominant religions) just don't view her sexism as a sexism, or believe her churches sexism to be a less severe form of it. I think both in the real world and in the in-character context of the text, the passive sexism of Eilistraee's church tends to get downplayed because it exists in conversation with the more explicit and violent idea's of Lolth's church.

Let's talk about Gender Elitism. You're almost definitely familiar with the concept of it, but. Term needs described nonetheless.

Gender Elitism is the idea that some genders are inherently superior to others. That they are, by nature of the existence of being that gender, inherently more valuable, more knowledgeable, more deserving of privilege and authority. There is no way to build a truly inclusive community with any kind Gender elitism as the framework. The idea that woman are inherently more valuable or more knowledgeable or more spiritually attuned is in itself a sexist ideology, and in the real world is often a reflection of sexist ideas of the inherent spirituality of womanhood.

And well.

All clergy of Eilistraee must be female, but they may be of any intelligent race.

I don't think people are often willing to meet the text where it's at. in the books, there's very clearly a self aware inversion of patriarchy -> matriarchy and a destruction of passive patriarchy through the lens of fantasy sexism.

However. Unlike the cultural Catholicism of DND and it's surrounding idea's of good and evil, I actually don't mind it's inclusion within the text. The written prose with DND (in recent years) are generally actually pretty self-aware of this flaw of the church, and a lot of authors purposefully play into the themes of it. And it makes sense to have it be included within the world building given what what this religion is in response to with Lolth's being the dominant religion of society. Eilistraee's church tends to reach out and recruit fallen nobility, and these are woman who are going to keep the views and want to keep holding the power that they do within their communities.

When you look at the kind of sexism Eilistraee's church is guilty of when in contrast with Lolth's, it's more palatable it's something I think men and well meaning woman alike raised in a lolth society would see as better. These are a group of people who already grew up believing woman to be born intrinsically more important by nature of that birth-rite. I don't think it's bad writing to have the conclusion that the Good church comes to be "Because we're not beating and killing these men, we have defeated sexism," while not addressing the core of where that mentality came from, and as a result still replicating a lot of exclusion and dismissing the importance of the lives of the men around them. Because that's a reflection of real life. I think even in real life, people struggle to sympathize with men and especially men who are victims of abuse, and it's something that blinds them to how they're engaging with this media.

Instead, my argument is that it's bad media analysis to ignore thats whats happening in an attempt to stick to this romanticized idea of the church.

So. That's the two big things with Eilistraee's Church. That's the lead-up to exploring Eilistraee as a character. But what does all of this say about her. How do we explore Eilistraee as a person as a result of all of this. Because, as I mentioned, the gods are separate from their church. A lot of gods do hold different values to their churches and different idea's then what their churches end up doing.

So let's dial this back a little bit and actually examine Eilistraee as a person. I'm going to post how she's described, and then I'm going to go into the longest point I want to make about her.

Eilistraee is a melancholy, moody drow female, a lover of beau- ty and peace. The evil of most drow banks a burning anger within her, and when her faithful are harmed, that anger is apt to spill out into wild action. It is not her way to act openly, but she often aids creatures she favors (whether they worship her or not) in small, immediately practical ways. Eilistraee is happi- est when she looks on bards singing or composing, craftsmen at work, lovers, or acts of kindness.

Eilistraee (pronounced “eel-ISS-trayee”) is a goddess of song and beauty, worshipped through song and dance— preferably in the surface world, under the stars of a moonlit night. Eilistraee aids her faithful in hunting and swordcraft, and worship of her is usually accompanied by feasting. Eilis¬ traee has worshippers of human, elven, and in particular half-elven stock (partic¬ ularly around Silvery moon), and looks kindly upon the Harpers. She is usually seen only from afar, but her song (of unearthly beauty, driving many to tears) is heard whenever she appears. Roleplaying Notes: Eilistraee is a melan¬ choly, moody drow female, a lover of beauty and peace. The evil of most drow banks a burning anger within her, and when her faithful are harmed, that anger is apt to spill out into wild action. It is not her way to act openly, but she often aids creatures she favors (whether they wor¬ ship her or not) in small, immediately practical ways. Eilistraee is happiest when she looks on bards singing or composing, crafts¬ men at work, lovers, or acts of kindness.

....

It is of my opinion that, when you look at the Eilistrae-Vhaeraun Dynamic and how they were treated by Lolth and Corellon, you're looking at a classic Golden Child/Scrape Goat dynamic. This is important to mention here because I do think that's important context within how Eilistraee (the person) see's and understands the world, and where her mind is at when it comes to the perception of her sense of self.

To VASTLY oversimplify about how emotionally abusive family structures work by a lot, when you look at emotionally abusive families with siblings, you tend to find a pattern where one child ends up getting the bulk of the favoritism and affection (The golden child), while the other takes the bulk of the abuse and tends to take a of blame and is seen as being deserving of the abuse (The scrapegoat.) I'll get a little bit more into the specifics of what that means for their relationship in a later post.

Now. Calling her the Golden Child, but I don't think being the Golden Child is strictly a good thing. In a lot of ways, I think a lot of golden children end up very emotionally stilted, and I think you kind of see that in Eilistraee. She HAS to be the perfect one. And she's had this expectation to be The Good One placed on her shoulders since she was young. Golden Children are often blinded to the abuse their siblings face because they themselves are not subjected to the same kind of abuse.

I think you're right in that despite everything, I would consider her defining trait her naivete. And I think the issue with trying to get into that is that people have a very specific idea of what being naive is. Like I think a lot of people associate naivete with people who are very childish and hold themselves with a lot of immaturity, and I don't think that's true. I think Eilistraee holds herself with a lot of dignity and comes across as mature and gentle and soft spoken, and you feel the weight of her presence in a way that you don't realize until she's left.

Naivete is just a lack of wisdom, a lack of having experienced the thing first hand. Eilistraee grew up very sheltered. She was shielded from the worst of her mothers abuse as a result of being her fathers favorite. Lolth doesn't give her the same attention she gives Vhaeraun (Which is good, largely, considering what her attention entails), she disregards Eilistraee as foolish and cowardly and weak, so she doesn't bother at all. That she was so sheltered is the source of both her empathy and her blindness. She knows the sight of abuse, but I don't think she's experienced abuse to the same extent her brother has, let alone the people in her church have. So she doesn't understand it to the same degree.

Now. The other thing about Eilistraee is that I don't actually think she's as open as she implies she is. She's always come across to me as someone who's very guarded. On one hand, she's walking around nude and supposedly that's representative of the vulnerability she has. But on the other hand, she doesn't reveal a lot, does she? She doesn't change. While Eilistraee is explicitly involved in her followers lives in a way that a lot of non-drow gods aren't, she's involved in a very passive way. She listens to them. Maybe she'll bless them with a dance. She'll send signs of her pleasure and displeasure, and she'll help them in immediate, practical ways.

But do any of her followers know her? Do WE know her? We know Vhaeraun. We know his personality. But what we're given of Eilistraee is what she likes and how she feels. It points to this very careful presence she makes of herself.

And that's why exploring the flaws of her church is so important. She wants to give her followers freewill, she wants to be the "good" one that doesn't influence them and lets them make their own choices. But... I'm going to steal a quote from @pansythoughts who I ran my thoughts about this by before typing it up, and I think that they articulated this really well.

"[...] She’s worshipped and revered and symbolic but because she didn’t involve herself in the running of things people mistook that as she shouldn’t be involved or shouldnt be involved (“don’t concern our lady with such trivial things, she shouldn’t be bothered, it makes her so sad”) that that for a long time enabled a lot of abuse to run rampant under eilistraee’s nose. By becoming impersonal she’s removed her real thoughts from her church in the name of being impartial. But it’s not actually helping [...]"

So Eilistraee hits this weird note of... She seems to think that being impersonal is what makes her good, but in being impersonal, she enabled the culture in her church to get as bad as it did. It's the intent over action mentality. It's the separation of herself from her people.

....

Now. I also want establish. I don't think Eilistraee holds the same views as her church with it comes to how a lot of men are treated. All text points to the fact she loves men as much as she does woman, just as she does any other race (Though I said I wouldn't quote it too much, her prioritizing woman to dismantle her brothers power in evermeet should at least get a passing mention, I put that in the same spot as I put Vhaeraun trying to kill her in that it feels like she was doing that as an uncomfortable means to an end. She sincerely see's him an evil, and if that is what she had to do to get him out of power then so be it. And then it spiraled)

In rare circumstances, males who worship Eilistraee-or beings without any priest powers who work to further Eilistraee's aims and need her visible blessing and support (or just some light)- will temporarily manifest moonfire (see Eitistroee's moonfire below). Such manifestations are at the will of the goddess; the lucky recipient has no control over the duration, intensity, and location of the radiance

Eilistraee to me feels like someone deeply rooted in idealism, and romanticism, and fantasy. She loves the arts. She loves dance, and music, and romance and love of all kinds. She loves the fantasy of lovers.

And this goes over to her wider views. She likes the fantasy of what she thinks good drow can be, and I think she lives in that fantasy and denies the lived reality of what a lot of her people have been through, and the biases they hold as a result of what they've been through.

But, she's not comfortable with what drow are now, because what drow are now are what her mother and her brother made of them. And she views both as evil, and the same kind of even. She explicitly views them as people that are fallen and broken, because they're not good.

Only in recent centuries has Eilistraee's faith regained a small amount of prominence in Faerun, as the Dark Maiden seeks to lead the fallen drow back to the long-forsaken light.

And they're not good and they can't be good, because there is an aesthetic to good for DnD and thus there is an aesthetic to good for her. And inevitably, when theres an Aesthetic to good, when you only view good through a certain framework and you're only able to understand good through the lens of people that fulfill a certain amount of requirements, there are going to be those who are left behind not because they're not good, but because they can't meet that aesthetic. They can't change, or don't want to. And there is going to be abuse that slips through the cracks because the good goes unquestioned.

Pulling another quote from pansythoughts

[...] And to get metatextual, I think that’s why a lot of people miss the implied problems of her church too, besides the insidious nature of bio-essentialism. The narrative context of the drow is horror. It’s meant to be antagonistic and horrifying to players of the game. So of course the thing from that culture rejecting that culture completely looks “good”

To accept that her church needs to change is to accept that maybe, she wasn't good.

Because. If she's not the good one, then what is she...?

...

Despite you mentioning them, I also didn't really touch on her temper and melancholy all that much here. I do actually think that's like. A defining part of her character.

I think it's deeply telling that one of the few times she's mentioned as manifesting as an avatar is explicitly in defense of her people. She doesn't know how to approach them to celebrate with them ("The Dark Maiden seldom takes a direct hand in the affairs of mortals, but she sometimes appears in the midst of a dance in her honor, leaping amid the flames of the feast unharmed") And she's heard of seen in the distance more then she's directly engaging ("Most worshipers see Eilistraee only from afar, perched on a hillock or battlement, silver hair streaming out behind her. She appears to show her favor or blessing and often rallies or heartens creatures by causing a high, far-off hunting horn call to beheard.")

But she WILL appear to defend her worshipers. And she IS deeply concerned with defending those coming out of the underdark.

I don't know. I don't have canon proof of this one, but I do think that Eilistraee is a deeply lonely person. Despite having friends in other pantheons such as Mystra, she feels isolated in the image she has to uphold. She can't connect with her followers, she's left with this view that most of her family is evil, or has rejected her for leaving. Of course she carries herself with grief. Of course she doesn't know how to be anything other than "The good one."

#Eilistraee #Character Analysis #I'm also not touching the change dance in this post though I think its something I should one day #Mostly because I think there are people that could better articulate. The neurosis behind it

79 notes · View notes

bonzos-number-1-fan · 16 days ago

Text

TMAGP 44 Thoughts: "danced around it a bit"

This is an interesting one for a lot of reasons. It's a big explicit lore dump sort of episode which, as you're aware if you read lots of these, isn't exactly what I go in for. I obviously love all the history to the setting but answers to mysteries are never as satisfying as solving the mystery yourself. Luckily for me, I think I more or less did.

It's also interesting in that this is the first episode where you might be just as confused as Alice unless you're reading along with the transcripts.

Spoilers for TMA , and TMAGP episode 44 below the cut.

Heinrich being a boomer only improves his character. It's also really fun to get to see more of him being the monster we all are fully aware he is. Not least of all to ex-Stasi. Hard to hate a guy terrorising the secret police. Speaking of which, this is the translation for his poem. I think that's really the only thing that needs translating in full as the rest is easy enough to get from the context or is explained by the characters.

KLARA Ha! And then, what, they beat an old woman to death? These fat, lazy children have no stomach for such work. Your threats do no not frighten me English. HEINRICH But I do, don't I Klara…? There is a girl, small and delicate, the angry Klara. She hates the children, and mocks them meanly, she never plays with the crowd. She complains about the boys who shout evil, and the girls who tease her. She made them pay, paid them back until everyone went into hiding. Oh poor Klara, old and rigid, no child wants to play with her. And when the laughter no longer sounds clear, Heinrich will stop her.

The cafe is gone, Heinrich is demonic, Alice is disturbed and Klara is terrified.

HEINRICH Look at me, Klara. Look at me!

The bold text is translated and the italic is the description of the event.

The incident itself is a weird one. I'm not sure we've had one of these that's so explicit about something like this. I think the most interesting bit of all this isn't actually the incident itself but the gap between where it left off and where we know he ends up. He ends up in the OIAR and Lena tried to shoot him. We've known that since all the way back at episode 4 Taking Notes, and all this explains is really what he meant by "I could disappear again". There is so much intrigue left in Klaus that I'm really looking forward to seeing explored. Especially with how Alice's and Gwen's respective arcs will have to intersect if Alice keeps following Klaus' trail. And that's especially interesting because Sam doesn't readily fit into that, but obviously must in some fashion. All of this is leading up to the biggest mystery this series has: does Fr3-d1 stand for something or is it just leetspeak? Obviously that JMJ thing is probably important too but bigger questions to be asked. It's a weird one where it tells you so much but it's basically incidental to any of the questions you'd want to ask. A crazed dude built a magic computed while half-starved is foundational to anything I think we'd really like to know. I really enjoyed the format of this one too, it was a nice break from JMJ: the Computer Crew. Not quite a TMA style one but not far off either.

The best part about this episode is that it didn't conclude this arc and we're going to get more Heinrich. I really do love every second he's been in this show.

Lena and Gwen always have such great chemistry. I love their begrudging acceptance for each other and Lena's absolute zero amount of patience. So, obviously, some major reveals from this conversation. I think it might be somewhat surprising to hear I didn't really find any of this stuff particularly satisfying. Anyone that's been reading most of my posts on this show I'd expect would assume this stuff would make me elated. Which is a fair enough assumption. What excites and interests me about things of this nature is the mystery. I like having a puzzle to solve and the answer is only as satisfying as the journey taken to get there. However, this isn't where the answer has been for me. This is the confirmation. I've been very certain of the answer for a long time and not in an arrogance-fuelled sense that because it's my theory it must be correct, but in the sense that puzzle pieces only go together so many ways. The way I envisioned the pieces of this puzzle meant that when I fit them all together the end result largely spoke for itself. You don't need to look at the art on a jigsaw puzzle's box to know it's right, you know its right because all the pieces fit. Obviously, I could've been wrong about this and I've been more than happy to throw theories out in the past. Can't be wrong all the time though and I was all but certain I was right on this.

So, with the preamble out of the way, for those of you who aren't familiar with my DPHW theory, back at the launch of the series when eps 1 and 2 came out I wrote What DPHW Means, and Its Relationship to Smirke's 14. I posted to the hellsite after episode 3 dropped, but it's on Reddit earlier than that. To summarise I said that DPHW meant Death, Pain, Helplessness, and Weird. I arrived at that because we had TSHU as a German equivalent, and that those categories fulfil a strong narrative role. The official W is Wrongness but I think that's largely a semantic difference in this context and in my post I posited that Weird was a mistranslation as it was. I think they've just gone with a different mistranslation. We'll know for sure if we get the German version but U in the German version I think is Unheimlich, as in Uncanny, as in the Uncanny Valley, which could both be described as weird or wrong. Wrongness could maybe translate to something more like Unrecht but unrecht is more about being wrong in a moral sense, which doesn't align as well with how we've seen W get used. Although they might have renamed things on account of Heinrich having a banger of a name. But in either case Mr. Bonzo and Lady Mowbry are both doing some awful things in a moral perspective but only one of them is capital W Wrong, because ones Mr. Blobby's murderous cousin and the other is an old lady. So I'm happy enough to say I nailed it. Which is cool, don't get me wrong, it's really really cool. And I've loved seeing everyone comment on it and see the other takes on what it could be and all the community discussion and everything. My fun just came from solving the puzzle, and now I need a new puzzle.

The other big thing here is the Protocol and Dread but I think this is a similar situation. More of an explicit confirmation than anything else. Back in episode 19 Hard Reset, the Newton's dog one, we saw both words come up and used in contexts that implied what was revealed here. I think the more interesting stuff that'll come from this is how Dread is different and exactly why it doesn't ever seem to dissipate. It's a system you can add more and more fear into but not one in which it ever leaves. Which does seem quite different to how the Entities worked in TMA as they fed on the fear, to an extent. But maybe that's the point. TMP's world is so uniquely fucked because the Entities aren't their to siphon things off and so it just builds and build. The balance is important so no one aspect can assert itself but beyond that there isn't any major measure you can use to mitigate it. Maybe eldritch entities were good, actually.

The worst part of this episode is this arc possibly being concluded and we're not going to get more Lena. I really do love every second she's been in this show.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Incident/CAT#R#DPHW Master Sheet and Terminology Sheet

Klaus Watch: This is the most Klaus Watch episode yet. This incident wasn't in his sheet but Klaus was in it, and he was being watched.

DPHW Theory: Very correct as it turns out. 2175 is pretty normal for this too, I think. I'll need to renamed this now, probably, or I might not. Depends if any more crumbs come along as there is still a little more to unpack about the balance thing.

CAT# Theory: 3 is very 3. Maybe I'll sit down and try to crack this one next as I've never been very happy with how Person/Place/Object aligned with it. Even if I do think it'll be correct in the end.

R# Theory: AC is another fucked one. This could be more fun to have a stab at than Categories. My last theory seemed to work really really well until we started getting ACs and ABCs and all of that.

Header talk: Prescience (Computing) -/- Equilibrium requires very little explanation or comment.

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #tmagp theory #tmagp speculation #the magnus archives #klaus = kl4-u5

35 notes · View notes

gamerbot-22 · 4 months ago

Text

🎯White Noise🐉

TW/CW: Budding BootHeng <3, only one bed trope, Boothill’s non-swearing, Transcribed Cowboy Accent, Dan Heng has some dragon habits, Dan Heng has some lingering trauma from his time pre-Astral Express, Boothill's nostalgic for home, barely proofread and I appreciate spellchecks!

Word Count: 3,709

A/N: Hehehe, it’s gift fic time! This is for @theniastarfell, for correctly guessing the final subject of my Daily HSR Ficlet series! We decided to go with two of The Bestest Boys for the fic’s subjects :3c Real fast, I do want to thank them again for following along with the series so closely, it made me so happy as a writer to see their commentary <3 Also what do we think of the combined format? I think it’s cute :3 and how lucky am I that there’s some canon GIFs of these lads together? (Also don’t. Ask me what the hanzi says cause I don’t know for sure.)

Likes and Reblogs appreciated (reblogs > likes) and Requests are Open! Read this story on Ao3 here!

The dividers in this post were made by @/gamerbot-22 (me!) ☆

Is it weird to be impressed with how well someone adapts to laying low?

The Nameless are basically ambassadors across the galaxy, wandering mediators that make a habit of stopping to help whenever they’re needed, driven by the altruistic spirit of the Trailblaze. Regardless of disposition, Nameless are, for lack of a better term, available.

That availability didn’t surprise Boothill when Dan Heng volunteered to tag along as backup when it came time to follow up on a lead. Heck, upon accepting the Ranger thought that availability might make this little mission more difficult, seeing as Nameless weren’t exactly in the habit of laying low. But Dan Heng took to ducking into alleys and dodging patrolling IPC soldiers like he was born to do it, slipping from shadow to shadow before Boothill could even give him the order to. It was impressive...

...If a little concerning all at the same time.

What was doubly concerning was just how quiet Dan Heng got when the two of them were sneaking around. Boothill had kind of been looking forward to picking the Nameless' brain, but any attempt at conversation seemingly went unnoticed. It was like Dan Heng was on another planet as the two wove through the tall, narrow alleys of this backwater planet.

He knows he might regret it, but that night, with the two tucked up in a tiny little motel (recon had been dragging all day so unfortunately calling it a night was a necessity) Boothill figured he'd say something.

"Yer pretty sneaky," the Ranger says, failing to be so himself. "Y' ever notice that?"

Dan Heng just hums politely in acknowledgement, hovering idly by the motel window. He's too busy sneaking peeks through the musty curtains to think of anything appropriate to say in turn. The light shining in from the post outside makes his grey eyes look almost green from this angle.

Boothill, on the other hand, is already getting settled into bed, not bothering to get undressed in any sense. Couldn't feel his feet in his boots anyways, so how could he be uncomfortable resting in them? Sleep was barely a suggestion most nights anyways, so if anything this was just a show for company.

He lays there, watching his companion to see if he'll move or say anything more. The best he gets is a stifled yawn that brings the Nameless' knuckles to his mouth and makes his grey-green eyes flicker.

"You just gonna stand there all night?" Boothill asks. He only gets more settled in, crossing one ankle over the other as his head sinks lower into the admittedly plush pillows beneath him. "Can't imagine yer back is feelin' all that great considerin' all the sneakin' around we've been doin' all day."

Dan Heng turns his head just enough to catch the Galaxy Ranger out of his peripheral. "I was under the assumption I would be taking first watch."

He probably shouldn't be so surprised when Boothill huffs at him, his face cracking into a big -- if lopsided -- smile. "Pssh! You kiddin'? And just who 'zactly are you watchin' for?"

That gets Dan Heng to pull away from the window, although his hand -- the one that's not still holding Cloudpiercer -- lingers on the thin curtain. His brows are furrowed in confusion, but it doesn't make Boothill want to take him any more seriously.

"...I thought the IPC was--"

Another huff cuts the Nameless off. "The IPC don' send their goons to sleep in shirt-holes like this'un. Even they ain't that cruel." Boothill shuffles lower on the mattress, sending the frame into a creaking fit before he gets an angle he likes for his head. He pulls the brim of his hat down over his eyes before continuing. "'Sides, if anybody should be doin' lookout, it should be me, and I honestly can't be forked, so quit starin' at streetlights and come lie down 'fore I gotta explain to yer Momma why you're comin' back to yer train with blind spots."

Honestly that just prompts more questions in Dan Heng, and before he can even think to stop it, one starts to work its way out.

"You aren't scared that--"

"What, that they'll come bustin' in through th' door or th' window or even the muddlefudgin' ceilin'?" Boothill takes his gun from the holster on his hip and uses the shining barrel of it to push his hat back up. Dan Heng can see the crosshairs in his eyes, always primed and ready for a target, should one cross his vision.

The Nameless takes a quiet step closer, making no sound to speak of until he opens his mouth again. "I just want to be careful." He swears he can feel eyes on him right now, coming straight through the curtains from outside. He wasn't even all that scared of the specifics until the Galaxy Ranger rattled them off like trivia, like each scenario is just a silly hypothetical that holds no weight, and that the exile should feel silly for the rush of needle-sharp anxiety running down his spine to the tail he had to hide for his own safety. He would be insulted if the feeling wasn't so over powering in that moment.

The clatter of Boothill's gun landing on the dusty side table snaps Dan Heng back to himself. "Listen, if anybody makes the dumb-asteroid mistake of tryin' to get the drop on us while we're sleepin', then we'll handle it. Ain't nothin' new for me, and if I had to make an educated guess, it ain't nothin' new for you neither."

“How did you—“

"Kinda obvious all things considered--"

"Will you please stop cutting me off?" Dan Heng thumps Cloudpiercer against the floor, firmly but still somewhat gently emphasizing his point. He's being reminded of just how firm he needs to be with Boothill, even if the latter is more in his element.

The Galaxy Ranger grins, his teeth too sharp for his expression to be properly sheepish. It's been a while since he's traveled with somebody who wasn't shaking in their boots the whole time they were together. Then again, it isn't like Dan Heng is a hostage being dragged along as collateral. He's his own man, here of his own volition, despite the fact that something about all this was clearly eating him up.

"Look, I get it." Boothill pushes himself up to sit, letting one leg swing off the side of the mattress while the other bends closer to him. "Yer far from home and yer scared, that's... fine." He presses his thumb to his chest, propping his other hand on his knee as he leans in closer. "Just b'tween you and me, I been dealin' with the IPC for a long fudgin' time and I still get all anxious 'never I see 'em."

He rocks back to sit up straight, swinging his other leg up from off the ground to sit criss-cross on top of the blankets. He doesn't seem to notice any of the dirt he's kicking up onto the blankets as he continues on. "But you take it from me, Mr. Nameless: Just sittin' there feelin' scared ain't gonna keep 'em away from us. We're already lyin' real low, and if they find us tonight, then we can handle it. And if they don't, I think Future Dan Heng will be a lot happier if he spends the night gettin' some sleep instead of starin' out the window lookin' for boogeymen."

He's trying his best to be compassionate, but it's been more than a hot minute since he's tried. Boothill's pretty sure he sounds more threatening than gentle with his voice all low like this, but Dan Heng doesn't shy away. Instead, the Nameless' shoulders loosen, even just a tiny bit, because as much as his nerves hate to admit it, Boothill is right. They've been moving all day, and the lack of new information to chase, plus having to cope with a new environment that's trudged up old habits has been more than a little exhausting. For both of them.

He has his spear. Boothill has his gun. They both know how to fight and take care of themselves should it come down to it. Dan Heng should get some sleep while he can.

The Nameless sighs and some more of the lingering fear leaves him. He turns to prop Cloudpiercer up against the corner between the bed and the window, the edge of the spear's blade slotting nicely into place. It's not exactly in arm's reach, but it's close enough to get up and grab should something happen.

The way he moves so quietly just makes Boothill want to talk more, even if it was probably better to just let the victory lie. Might as well make use of the company while he has it. "And uh... look. I know I ain't exactly the best behaved muddlefudger in the cosmos, but I am a gentleman by some definition of the word. If'n you want me to let you have the bed all t' yerself, I can just--"

"No." It comes out faster than Dan Heng would've liked. He chalks it up to nerves and decides not to dwell on the surprised look on Boothill's face. "I mean... We've both been moving all day. I don't see why I should be able to lie down instead of you."

Another smile, lopsided under Boothill's pinched eyebrows. "Well... Firstly, I ain't even really a sleepin' type anymore. I was just kinda layin' down cause I didn't wanna freak you out or nothin'."

"Still. Even if you can't sleep, rest is... good." It's something that's been drilled into Dan Heng's head since he boarded the Astral Express. Literally everyone on board has said some variation of it to him so many times, that if Dan Heng had a credit for each, he would be able to buy an entirely separate Astral Express to wander around at night all on his own.

Boothill shrugs. "Fair 'nough. Are you sure, though? 'Cuz I can just... sit somewhere else while you lie down."

"You were laying down first." Even when he's being stubborn Dan Heng sounds so forkin' polite.

The Ranger shrugs and lays back against the pillows again, taking up the position he had before with his crossed ankles and his hands resting on his metal stomach. "Fine, then. Come make yerself comfortable, then."

Apparently another thing Boothill lost when he augmented his body was his sense of size. He was taking up almost the entire mattress, save for a little sliver of it on his right side near the wall. Dan Heng might be able to settle into that spot... yes, as long as he's careful...

He kneels on the edge of the bed first, wincing as the frame creaks and his shoes hit the ground. Any sound right now feels ten times louder than it should, undoing the Ranger's assurances faster than Dan Heng can realize.

"Y' alright?" Boothill asks from under the brim of his hat. Was Dan Heng just that obvious?

"Fine," he lies, then moves to settle in on his shoulder. He hates sleeping on his side -- it makes him feel restricted to have all his weight focused on an edge like that -- but he can make do. He's been making do all day. Even if the bed creaking with every micro-adjustment he makes starts to grate on his already frayed nerves.

"Are y' sure yer alright?" The Ranger is more pointed now as he takes his hat fully off and tosses it on top of the lampshade on the bedside table. "All that dadgum creakin's gonna drive me nuts--"

He turns his head to look at Dan Heng and the arrowhead point of his tone rounds off. The Nameless has his eyes shut tight, his hands tucked up against his chest, and his knees pressed together like tectonic plates just a second away from making a mountain. Alright. He was gonna have to get good at being gentle real fast.

"Hey." Boothill nudges him with his shoulder. "Hey, wake up."

"I am awake."

"Alright, then quit... layin' all stiff like that. I told ya 'get comfortable,' didn' I?" He nudges Dan Heng again, trying to coax him into at least opening his eyes. "Y'know-- I can't feel nothin' from the neck down, yer more 'n welcome to settle in like I ain't here."

Dan Heng opens one eye just a little, and Boothill can see a little sliver of teal green beneath his dark lashes. The Ranger could've sworn his eyes were grey last he checked, save for the help of the lights outside.

Now, ain't that pretty...

"You aren't exactly a pillow, Boothill," the Vidyadhara nearly grumbles. He's tired, he's anxious, and he's already feeling his muscles getting stiff.

"Hey now, don't get all sassy on me." He lifts a hand from his stomach to offer it to Dan Heng, taking extra care to be gentle with him. "Believe it 'r not, I've been told I'm actually kinda cozy if you can figure out a place to lay yer head. All the motors n' circuits keep the ol' shell here mighty toasty, too." Boothill holds his hand a little closer. "C'mon. If y'don't like it, I'll just get up and you can have the whole bed to y'rself. I can stand sittin' on the floor if it means you ain't givin' yourself scoliosis tryna fit."

"That's not how--" Dan Heng cuts himself off with a sigh and shuts his eye again. "And you're sure it's alright?"

"Like I said b'fore, Dan Heng. I can't feel nothin' from the neck down, and even if I did, I know how to keep my hands to m'self."

The Nameless slips his hand into the Ranger's and carefully shifts to laying across his companion's torso. Sure enough, Boothill does actually feel kinda warm, and while he doesn't have as much give to his body, the plates that make up his body's casing are smooth, and the poncho he's got wrapped around his shoulders is soft against Dan Heng's cheek.

"There. How's that for ya?"

Dan Heng isn't quite sure what to do with his hands. Wrapping them around Boothill feels much too intimate, and folding them under his own head feels a bit too presumptuous. Luckily, he's still got one hand in Boothill's, and the Ranger takes it upon himself to guide Dan Heng into resting them in the folds of his poncho.

"That'll keep 'em nice and warm through the night," he mutters, flashing Dan Heng a little smile. It looks almost tender despite his fangs.

Dan Heng wonders if his own fangs can be that distracting. "Thank you."

"Mmhm." Now Boothill is the one who's not sure what to do with his hands. Wrapping them around Dan Heng feels much too intimate... He decides to just fold them back behind his head again, cradling the curve of his skull through his long white hair. Yeah. Yeah, that works. "Now get some sleep. We'll give it 'nother try in the mornin'."

The Nameless hums an acknowledgement and lowers his head, resting his cheek against the broad metal of Boothill's chest with just a single fold of poncho to serve as a proper pillow. It's not bad, honestly, and it smells better than Dan Heng was expecting.

One of the joys of not sweating anymore, perhaps...? That just makes his mind wander, though. Boothill mentioned being warm because of motors, but what was it that kept him from overheating? Did he overheat at all? Was there some vent somewhere that Dan Heng just hadn't noticed? He's starting to miss his Data Bank.

And then he hears it. Or, more accurately, he notices it for the first time now that he’s this close. A faint, steady whirring noise, coming from just beneath Dan Heng's ear -- from Boothill's chest? He pulls a hand from the old red poncho and pushes it aside to get a better listen, pressing the side of his head flat against the big, shining pectoral plate that seems to cover whatever that noise is coming from.

Of course, not being any kind of sleeper, let alone a heavy one, Boothill notices Dan Heng's prodding. He lifts his head and moves to free his hands. "Just what in heck're you--?"

"Is that a fan?"

The whirring suddenly gets louder, stronger, as Boothill stammers out, "Y-Yeah, what about it?"

Dan Heng swallows. He can't believe he's about to ask this. "Just, uh... what does it do?"

"What does it do?"

"Mmh."

"Uh..." Boothill has to actually think for a second. He'd been hoping that Dan Heng would just go right to sleep, not ask him about the mechanics of this blasted body of his. It isn't like he kept notes on all the ins and outs. "It does... what fans do. Keeps things cool. Why d'you wanna know?"

Dan Heng pulls a bit of a face, his expression and the one hand he still has in the poncho tightening. "When... When I can't sleep back on the Astral Express, I read articles in the data bank. There's a setting where you can push a button and it'll pull up a random one."

"Uh-huh." It's starting to fall into place. "And these are like bedtime stories t'ya?"

"...Basically." It's embarrassing when he puts it like that, but he's not exactly wrong.

Boothill sighs out of habit, and lets his head fall back against the pillows. "Well... I ain't no mechanic -- I see somebody else f'r that -- but I can tell you 'bout somethin' else."

Dan Heng turns his face the other way. He's looking at the door now, all rickety but hopefully thick enough for no one else to come barging in. "I'd like that."

He mulls it over a second, staring up at the vacant ceiling. He supposes he could rattle off about guns a while, talk about the special blaster that's built into his arm or his pistol. Ah, but all that's boring. Pistols and blasters aren't all that special, really. You point and pull the trigger, and a bullet goes flying out of the chamber and if you're good -- or lucky -- you kill whatever you're aiming at. That won't make it any better for Dan Heng anyways. He needs something calming. Aeons, did he even have any of those anymore...?

"...Y'ever been in a wheat field b'fore?" He hears a rustling, and when he looks down he sees Dan Heng shaking his head. Regardless of if that was a nod or a shake "no," Boothill was going to say the next part anyway. "Where I come from, there used to be miles and miles of wheat fields. Some alfalfa for the livestock, and these darn near picturesque rollin' hills all along the horizon. I tell ya, standin' in the middle of one of those fields 's like watchin' rivers of gold when the wind blew. Ain't nothin' I ever seen since then that's ever made me feel richer."

Dan Heng shuts his eyes, imagining that the fan beneath his ear was the sound of the wind blowing over the fields Boothill's planting in his mind. He can nearly feel the sunshine on his face now, warming him from the outside in. What he would've given to grow up in a place like that...

"'Nd at night, you could just lay right down in it. Like tuckin' yerself up in Mother Nature herself's bed. Didn't need no pillows 'r blankets 'r nothin'. 'Course our cows were so sweet you could just prop yerself up against on of 'em. If you were willin' to risk wakin' up with a cowlick, that is." He chuckles, and softens the sound when he notices how it makes his chest shake even now.

Dan Heng is laying rather still now, his fingers curled gently over Boothill's chest and his face all calm and quiet. There wasn't anything to pinch his eyebrows now, but the Ranger wasn't done just yet.

"You could see th' stars real bright at night, too, shinin' like diamonds all the way out into th' distance." He dares to lay an arm around the Nameless' back, drawing him closer to where his heart used to be. It would give him a better shot at hearing the fan in its place. "I used to make up all sortsa stories about them stars. 'Bout all the shapes I could draw with 'em. I had someone teach me how t'do that."

Dan Heng only curls up closer, his legs dragging up to rest across Boothill's knees. The Ranger's voice is actually gentle now, low and soothing like the distant sound of thunder.

"Never thought I'd actually get to see 'em up close..." His voice fades with the memory. If he thinks about it for much longer... He doesn't want to think about it much longer. Boothill shakes his head just to make sure it's all back in place -- in the attic of his head where he doesn't have to look at it until the next time he decides to go wandering down that heartbroken trail.

He's about to ask if Dan Heng's asleep yet when he... gets a feeling. An actual feeling, around the base of his neck where his old skin meets metal. It nearly knocks the wind out of him until he catches the accompanying sound. There's a deep, rolling sound that's ever so slightly rattling his body, and after some listening the Ranger pinpoints exactly where it's coming from.

It's Dan Heng. He doesn't show it in his face or his hands or in any part of him, but the sound is coming from him. Is he just snoring? It sounds more like purring.

Either way, knowing that it's just Dan Heng allows Boothill another habitual sigh of relief. He's glad to know that the Nameless is all settled, and it actually felt kind of nice to talk about home. It'd been a while.

The Ranger carefully takes his hat back from the lampshade and sets it over his face, giving Dan Heng one last peek from under the brim before settling into the familiar darkness. "Sweet dreams, Dan Heng. Say 'hi' t' home f'r me."

#Rosie Writes #theniastarfell #Boothill #Dan Heng #BootHeng #Honkai Star Rail #HSR #Honkai Star Rail Fluff #HSR Fluff #Honkai Star Rail Fanfic #HSR Fanfic #Gift Fic

48 notes · View notes

yuurivoice · 3 months ago

Note

Maybe kind of a basic question, but In what ways are writing a novel and writing for your audio rps/dramas different? In what ways are they similar? Also, congratulations on starting your novel!

The immediate wall I hit while approaching those first paragraphs was the pressure I put on myself to write "correctly". It's not so much the dialog, the story beats, structure, etc. which apparently is what a lot of writers struggle with, but for me it's like......the rules of writing? Like basic 101 type shit. Formatting dialog and the associated rules and unique little bumps you come up against in structuring it had me pulling my hair out.

But I just accepted that it is gonna be a little messy and probably need someone who Does This Shit For Real to come through in the earliest edits and show me what I messed up.

And as it turns out, once I accepted it, it really wasn't that fucking big of a deal lmfao

I still am not a planner. I feel very insecure seeing all these authors on Tiktok who have immaculate planning, outlining, etc etc etc and what I had to do there was like...have a real talk with myself.

I have made a career out of my writing. That's not bullshit. That's not ego. That's literally what every single person who has set out on this path dreams of doing, and I did that shit. So maybe, just maybe, I need to worry less about somebody who hasn't accomplished shit has to say about their process, and take my OWN process a little more seriously.

I was talking to my mom about it, and I told her i came to a conclusion after my little sit down with myself. I will throw myself at this the same way I have done everything else and trust myself. One of two things will happen. I will either be humbled and have to refine my craft and learn the hard way. Or I will succeed.

The same exact results of any other thing ever. So maybe just shut up and do the damn thing and start going!

My process is basically the same, but with some specific guardrails and planning. I get to layer things a bit deeper, I'm thinking about inner and outer motivations wayyyyyy ahead of time, reasons for things happening that extend beyond the text so it feels natural and logical. I think about character arcs well ahead of time and have a vague vibe path in my mind rather than an entire outline.

It's similar to what I'm doing with Evalas. I am planning and creating under the assumption of success. When I was making BitterSweet, Shattered, Lost & Found......it was sorta like living week to week. I got some ideas but this shit could tank and I'll have to pivot away from it. But now I have the confidence to create with a bigger, broader, longer term plan because I have a proven track record of success.

I'm doing a lot of learning on the job, but I think being an outsider in terms of my approach and way of doing things is what works best for me. I'm not an avid reader. I am not educated. I am not sitting on a stack of notes and doing a ton of world building etc etc etc.

It was similar with the audio stuff. I didn't know there was a whole community, didn't know what GWA was, didn't know there was a whole slew of creators on YouTube, and so on.

So reminding myself that I'm that fucking guy and I should act accordingly has really helped me. I don't love showing that outwardly all the time because I'm sure it can look some type of way to folks, but people who know about the journey and the story understand that it's earned. And I've always tried to use that confidence to inspire others, instead of jerking myself off or flexing. I was literally at ground zero, and it was a genuine love of creating neat stuff that got me up outta there.

So I gotta focus on what I do that works, and what makes me and my efforts tick. Not what everyone else has done, or the "right" way, or whatever else. If the words get onto paper, and I maintain the same charm and cheek that YuuriVoice characters bring with them, then I've succeeded.

Thank you for joining me on the ride!

#yuurivoice #red tape talk

20 notes · View notes

spark-hearts2 · 6 months ago

Text

It's been a month since chapter 3 was released, where's chapter 4?

(this is about this fanfic btw)

The good news is that I've written 10k words. The bad news is that I've only gotten a little more than half of the chapter done. That doesn't mean I don't have things written for the bottom half, it's just that it looks like bare dialog with general vibe notes. I estimate around 16k words total though, so it should come together sooner than later.

SO I want to release some fun snippets for y'all to look at. Please note that any of this is liable to change. Also, you can harass me in my inbox for updates. I love answering your questions and laughing at your misery.

Spoilers under cut.

_______

Ragatha stood up and walked over to where Caine was seated. “Can I get a list of all commands?” She asked, only a hint of nervousness in her voice.

“Certainly!” Caine says as he blasts into the air. He digs around in his tailcoat and pulls out an office style manilla folder. It visually contains a few papers, but with how thin it is there must only be a few pages inside.

Ragatha takes the folder from Caine and opens it.

“Oh boy” she says after a second of looking it over.

“I wanna see” Jax exclaimed as he hops over the row of seats.

“Hold on” Ragatha holds the folder defensively “Let’s move to the stage so everyone can take a look”

Jax hopped over the seats again while Ragatha calmly walked around. Caine watched the two curiously.

Well, Zooble wasn’t just going to sit there. They joined the other two by the edge of the stage, quickly followed by the rest of the group.

Ragatha placed the folder on the stage with a thwap. Zooble looked over to see that the pages had gone from razor thin to a massive stack when the folder was opened. On one hand, it had to contain more information than that video, but on the other…

They get close enough to read what’s on the first page.

The execution of commands via the system’s designated input terminal, C.A.I.N.E., will be referred to as the "console” in this document. The console is designed to accept any input and will generate an appropriate response, however only certain prompts will be accepted as valid instructions. The goal of this document is to list all acceptable instructions in a format that will result in the expected output. Please note that automatic moderation has been put in place in order to prevent exploitation of both the system and fellow players. If you believe that your command has been unfairly rejected, please contact support.

By engaging in the activities described in this document, you, the undersigned, acknowledge, agree, and consent to the applicability of this agreement, notwithstanding any contradictory stipulations, assumptions, or implications which may arise from any interaction with the console. You, the constituent, agree not to participate in any form of cyber attack; including but not limited to, direct prompt injection, indirect prompt injection, SQL injection, Jailbreaking…

Ok, that was too many words.

_______

“Take this document for example. You don't need to know where it is being stored or what file type it is in order to read it."

"It may look like a bunch of free floating papers, but technically speaking, this is just a text file applied to a 3D shape." Kinger looked towards Caine. "Correct?” he asked

Caine nodded. “And a fabric simulation!”

Kinger picked up a paper and bent it. “Oh, now that is nice”

_________

"WE CAN AFFORD MORE THAN 6 TRIANGLES KINGER"

_________

"I'm too neurotypical for this" - Jax

_________

"What about the internet?" Pomni asked "Do you think that it's possible to reach it?"

Kinger: "I'm sorry, but that's seems to be impossible. I can't be 100% sure without physically looking at the guts of this place, but it doesn't look like this server has the hardware needed for wireless connections. Wired connections should be possible, but someone on the outside would need to do that... And that's just the hardware, let alone the software necessary for that kind of communication"

Pomni: "I'm sorry, but doesn't server mean internet? Like, an internet server?"

Kinger: "Yes, websites are ran off servers, but servers don't equal internet."

(This portion goes out to everyone who thought that the internet could be an actual solution. Sorry folks, but computers don't equal internet. It takes more effort to make a device that can connect to things than to make one that can't)

#tadc fanfiction #the amazing digital circus #therapy but it's just zooble interrogating caine #ao3 #spoiler warning #mmm I love implications

26 notes · View notes

thecouncilofidiots · 8 months ago

Text

@cytochrome-system asked to be tagged <3

Something we've been wanting to say, but hadn't been able to articulate

But because apparently some people don't know

Plurality is an umbrella term and spectrum

There are multiple types of systems, each with different origins and levels of functionality and ways of existing

Traumagenic means their system formation is attributed to trauma. Traumagenic systems tend to be disordered because trauma often results in dissociation and PTSD. However, disordered systems don't require trauma for diagnosis, only disfunction in daily life due to dissociation -> it's a dissociative disorder, not a trauma disorder.

The brain is a weird, unpredictable thing - trauma doesn't present the same way in every being. It's not the action, but the brain's response to the action -> the same event can be devastating to one person and no big deal to another. Trauma CAN'T be quantified, and thus, can't be used as a measure of validity for systemhood or disorder.

It's possible for traumagenic systems to not be disordered, to be functional/non-dissociative despite their trauma, or to be disordered and through therapy/healing reach a level of functionality (functional multiplicity) [or final fusion, each system's healing journey is different, and whatever they choose is best for them is valid]. That doesn't make them any less valid.

Endogenic means their system formation is attributed to something other than trauma. There are many sub-categories, as each experience is different, though they often get lumped together because of syscourse and anti-endo sentiments. There are spiritual origins (which, like with all spirituality and religion, is as real as it is to the believer, and thus can't be rendered invalid unless you're an intolerant asshole); protogenic - meaning their systemhood has existed for as long as they've known (perhaps even since birth), and considering that each brain forms differently (some develop "properly", some have developmental disorders, ect) who's to say a brain can't naturally develop with multiple self-aware entities? We don't even know how sentience works for typical brains, can't measure existence/awareness except in external assumptions, so to dismiss the existence of natural plurals? *pointed silence* Neurogenic encompasses systemhood caused by neurological conditions (distinct from protogenic in that neurogenic tend be caused by other disorders, such as having a personality disorder that causes disrupted sense of self, ect). Like with protogenic, brains all work differently. Otherwise, neurodivergence wouldn't exist, but it DOES. And these differences in brains, affect how the brain works. Can affect self-perception, can affect singlethood. Does everyone develop plurality? No. But some DO, and they deserve the same respect and acceptance as everyone else. While there are no doubt more endogenic origins, the last one I'm gonna mention is willomancy. Contrary to what some may believe, willomancy is NOT "wanting a disorder" or "pretending to have a trauma" - plurality in and of itself is not a disorder. It is nothing more than a state of being in which there are multiple self aware entities sharing a mind/body. That being said, willomancy is the intentional formation of plurality through mental exercises (I do not have knowlege of the specifics, that's for others to share if they wish). It can be done for coping reasons, or just for fun, and either way - it is a valid form of plurality. Not all endogenic systems are intentionally created, but those that are aren't "taking resources" or "making a mockery of a disorder" because having a different experience than someone doesn't make their experience wrong or lesser. The same goes in reverse - having a trauma-induced disordered system doesn't make you more valid than other systems.

Probably controversially, but fun fact! Endogenic systems can also be disordered because endogenic doesn't mean they have no trauma, just that they don't attribute their system formation to trauma. And like I mentioned before, brains are fucking weird. Say someone was born a system, yeah? But they went through some shit and developed a dissociative disorder. Neither of their experiences are rendered invalid by the other, and they shouldn't have to hide to avoid being targeted and hated for existing in a way others don't like.

When you take into account mixed origin, and the multiple vs mediple vs median vs pluralet vs ect? Brains are weird! Brains are cool!

The problem is, we can't know anything about the brain for sure - and that includes not being able to disprove things that aren't readily understood. Not only is there not enough research, science is an ever-evolving field. Science isn't how the world works, it's how we UNDERSTAND how the world works - and that changes depending on the tools we have, how we interpret them, ect, at any given moment

So to say only trauma can cause the "separation of self" "required" for plurality is presumptuous as best, malicious at worst.

All things considered, I'd rather listen to each plural's lived experiences, and accept them, than fakeclaim them for existing in a way differently than me, for not following what sysmed "science" says (though, there IS scientific research validating the existence of endogenic plurals btw <3)

Plus, endogenic systems existing isn't ableism/saneism, it doesn't HURT traumagenic systems. They aren't "taking" resources, most resources aren't finite, and IF they're using the finite ones, it's because they need it too, and withholding resources from someone who needs it really fucking shitty. Especially when using resources encourages the production of more because it proves there's a demand for it...

All this to say

Be kind to one another

((Also, personal pet peeve, but upholding and promoting the values of a corrupt institution (psychiatry) to invalidate and harass a group who's existence doesn't hurt anyone (endogenics) is literally the opposite of punk ideology, and anti-endo/sysmed "punks" are fascists in disguise <3))

#plural #plurality #plural system #pluralpunk #plural community #actually plural #endo safe #syscourse #tw syscourse

21 notes · View notes

laundryandtaxes · 2 years ago

Text

I think it's interesting that, a decade ago, I saw a lot of mainstream pushback against the very concept of butch flight (loosely, the concept that what proponents claim is an alarmingly large portion of very gnc women were beginning to form new identities in which they no longer considered thenselves women) and especially against the concept that an alarmingly large portion of very gnc women were beginning testosterone use and surgical interventions to cope with their gendered discomfort. I saw with my own eyes many an indiginant person shout that they knew many, many such people, and almost none of them were either forming new identities and/or turning to medical interventions, and that this was proof those changes were only occurring in people who had some inherent need for them. When I spoke with a professor about a paper I was working on on butch identity formations in a particular time period, she gave me a few potential sources and added blithely and presumptuously, "And I'm assuming you don't want to read anything about butch flight or things like that." I took note of these things even as I have been very clear for years that I think there is, in fact, something to see here. Experiences and cultures vary. While I did not see many people who lived in places like myself- big or medium cities, or citylike pockets near universities such as college towns- take so much issue with the concept, but I could not factually know what portion of us was affected, and where, and how.

Over that same decade, I have seen group after group after group of women like myself be affected by what I think is a real phenomenon- the spread of one particular way of coping with gendered discomfort among a population of people riddled with gendered discomfort, for whom entering an Uber, or presenting a passport in another country, or showing up for an interview, or going to a women's spa or changing room, can be nerve wracking experiences loaded with the weight of the quick, often totally unintended but sometimes outright cruel assumptions of other people. I have known one by one by one by one women who've decided, for various reasons, to end their testosterone use, or that they don't have a gender identity in a meaningful sense, or that they do and that identity is "woman." And I've watched as the phenomenon has become so commonplace that I've seen queer spaces shift their language on detransition- from "exceedingly rare" it has become "uncommon" for someone to stop because they changed their mind on continuing, or one totally benign form of identity exploration that a person was simply "wrong" about, and I have not seen the famous 1% "statistic" floated out by them in large pushes, as I used to. I have never argued before and will not now that it inevitably ruins a person's life to decide to stop a medical intervention, or to choose a medical intervention they come to regret. I have never argued before and will not now that looking uncommon for one's sex is a bad thing, or that the scar of detransition lies in one's ability to be accurately sexed by strangers. To be clear, the uptick in detransition and reidentification is not the point of this or my point- it is simply an inevitable consequence. Even if the 1% stat were correct, 1% of 1000 is still more than 1% of 10. That is, it is simply one of many byproducts of the increased change in identity among this population to begin with.

Now, in 2024, I honestly don't think I know anyone in my own country, especially anyone who lives in the kinds of places in it previously mentioned, who will earnestly decry that there is simply nothing to see here, and that the experience I'm detailing here is totally unfamiliar to themself and to any of their friends at all, and they have absolutely no idea what I'm seeing. I know some people who will chalk it up to increased public acceptance of transition leading to increased internal acceptance of transition and trans identity among people who were actually trans the whole time, and who argue that no one's identity has been actually influenced by what they are seeing and experiencing every day. I know some people who will chalk it up to increased information and access to medical interventions, where applicable. I do not buy that such a massive portion of this group was simply truly trans the whole time, but at least this argument attempts to account for the uptick. But I don't know any people who know a large number of very gnc women in similar social situations to myself who claim, out loud, that this isn't happening at all.

And yet the number of people that I see openly discussing the topic is just about the same, and the general hushed tone on the topic is just about the same, among LGBT people now as it was a decade ago, despite the decade of new inormation and experience. I don't individually have the way out of this cultural moment for us, and I admit that there is a real (if minute) possibility that the arguments that account for this by saying this was functionally inevitable/just a matter of more of us accepting that we require these interventions could be correct, but I think it's important that I continue to name the reality that I think I am seeing with own eyes. Doing so does not deprive anyone of dignity, does not deprive anyone of choice, does not deprive anyone of the ability to self determine or make their own medical decisions. It simply means not lying by ommission.

#i actually kind of dislike the term itself but i think it is important that i continue to be open about this #because so so so many people are simply extremely afraid to do so

76 notes · View notes

sayakxmi · 1 year ago

Text

Finishing chapter 6 in Reverse1999:

Thoughts under the cut. Including spoilers, obviously.

Boy do I have thoughts. Most of them already shared with Yudja, as usual, but I felt the need to post them, too, lmao.

These bitches weren't lying, when they were saying that the writing of this chapter [6] elevated R1999 to one of the best written gacha games, because, man. Don't get me wrong, R1999's writing is fantastic in general, but the last chapter especially had me go through such a rollercoaster of emotions and opinions that I found myself changing my pfp to Kakania on discord out of respect. It sounds funny, but after going on and on as to why I liked her, I thought, you know what? Time for a change. I don't think I've ever changed my Sayaka pfp there, lmao.

Anyway. Silly thing first is that I was super proud of myself, bc in the 5th chapter when that plane appeared, I guessed that it was around 1914. And kept guessing until I had it confirmed in the 6th chapter. Listen, if it was stated earlier, I overlooked it, and I just went on my history knowledge & I'm very happy with myself.

Which also kinda made me go "uh oh" when I checked the date under some of the parts early on, and saw 1/7... and then I realized it was the USAmerican date format, so it's just January. Lmao.

Anyway, the chapter was a ride, and the sheer amount of dread it had caused me was something else. You just things were about to go horribly wrong, but I had no idea how and what exactly would happen.

Also, funny thing is that aside from the fact that it was supposedly super well written (turned out to be a fact), I also got spoiled on two things, Hofmann's death (I just knew she was going to die, not how), and that yuri was doomed.

Man, was that yuri doomed.

Honestly, I'm super glad I got spoiled on this factTM, bc I ended up with assumptions, which ended up being compltely wrong in the best way.

Ngl, maybe it was some internalized ableism from me, but I kind of expected Isolde to be the "victim" in the doomed yuri, as in, Kakania doing something that would cause Isolde to turn away from her. But I was wrong in the best possible way, because I think it managed to write a tragedy for the both of them that wasn't some form of character assasination.

I think the writers took a bit of a risk with Isolde that ended up paying off. I mean, they wrote a mentally ill character who causes lots of deaths, but managed to do it in a way that didn't demonize her, but also didn't excuse her actions. Imagine stricking that kind of balance these days... And aside from that, you can even understand what led her to that kind of state of mind. I mean, aside from curses and expectations and being deemed hystric, she was a medium for ghosts, which included ghosts from the future. I'm fairly certain she references both world wars when she explains things to Kakania, and all in all, it's difficult not to sympathize with her. And it's easy to see why Manus sought her - she was suffering, especially from her mental illness, and aside from Kakania, nobody really treated her with respect and gentleness she deserved (no wonder she fell for her), so she made an easy prey for them.

But, you know, she still got a bunch of people killed.

It's as good time as any to talk about my favorite character of this chapter, Kakania - it took me by surprise. The media made me really distrustful of fictional doctros & psychologists, huh. But anyway.

What I loved about Kakania is that she wasn't fine with any of this. Even if Isolde said she'd done it for her, to realize her dream, it was so refreshing to see a character be genuinely horrified by another character's actions, regardless of the intentions or mental health.

It's such a popular trope, accepting somebody who'd done awful things because of love, and I do like it (when it's well written), but it was so incredibly refreshing to see R1999 not go for it. Reverse1999 really said that it was still awful, and there was no justification for that.

By God it was all so painful - it was painful for Isolde, because she just wanted to make Kakania happy, and it was painful for Kakania, because she was essentially betrayed by her dearest friend, and indirectly caused so much pain and destruction. You'd truly want nothing but for these two to make up somehow, for Kakania to hold Isolde close and tell her everything's gonna be alright - but Kakania doesn't do that. And you know what? I fucking respect her for it. She values human life too much to budge out of love. Even if it hurts. Isolde has simply caused too much pain and destruction to swipe it under a rug.

And, god, the last part, the hypnotism. As if I wasn't in enough pain already. It hurt to see Kakania, who hates hypnotism with burning passion, use it on somebody she cares so deeply, and it hurt to see Isolde in the end just accept that. Even if it gave the Foundation a fighting chance against the Storm, it was still hard to watch. It still meant Kakania crossing the kind of boundary she'd never wanted to cross, and for yet another person to take Isolde's agency away from her. But in the span of this entire chapter things changed, they changed. And Kakania was willing to do anything to help, after indirectly causing that hell.

I think in a way that ending... honestly this entire chapter speaks volumes about the dangers of "idealism" and "meaning well". There's a reason why the saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" exists. Idealism alone can lead to a catastrophy, and at the same time, sometimes something that goes against your principles might be more helpful in the long run.

As Madam Hofmann had said.

Honestly, moving to another character - Madam Hofmann. Not gonna lie, if I didn't spoil myself that she's gonna die, there's a chance I would've grown more attached to her... but watching Marcus beg her not to die was still heartbreaking. In general, her death was painful to watch. For most of the chapter she was so composed, but in the end she was stil just a person, and being in so much pain naturally broke her. Seeing her fight with her thoughts, clinging to her more rational side was painful.

I also loved her relationship with Marcus, especially since at first I was a bit unsure, given her rather cold demeanor, but, again, that one was on me and my assumptions. Hofmann was a great mentor. [*] A few quotes that I especially liked:

I think I like this one especially, because it manages to explain the problem, reassure Marcus, and at the same time doesn't bagatelize the issue. Like, that's how people your age are, but that's still not great and you need to get your shit together eventually.

A different quote, from Kakania's monologue this time:

But anyway, last but certainly not least, Marcus. I'm gonna be honest, I don't care about her all that much, but that is to no fault of her or her writing. Sometimes you just don't vibe with a character the right way. That being said, watching her growth throughout the entire chapter was a fantastic experience, and by the end I felt proud of how far she'd come. You did it, Marcus, you saved that mission. Madam Hofmann is definitely proud of you, too.

What a banger of a chapter.

#reverse1999 #my musing #r1999 #r1999 kakania #r1999 isolde #r1999 marcus #r1999 greta hofmann #r1999 chapter 6 spoilers

26 notes · View notes

quitealotofsodapop · 2 years ago

Note

[You did send a less detailed version of this ask a few days ago, I just hadn't gone through my inbox enough XD] + [I love the detailed responses though! It's nice to see so much interest in my silly aus!]

okay! I thought I sent one but I couldn't quite remember if I did XD Sometimes I feel like I ramble too much so I'm glad you like these! if it's not to much trouble do you mind answer the og post, you don't have to actually make any comments on it contents but I'm keeping notes on Slow boiled au for the fanfic I'm writing and their might be some details in there I forgot about, thank you.

[Peaches. Some days his brain/body just decides "Eww no. bleh. Spit it out right now" and the nausea hits him hard. Wukong is dismayed whenever it happens.]

at some point in s3 MK walks in on Monkey King crying over a peach with a single bite taken out of it, Wukong having gotten emotional when he his body couldn't handle the peach + stress (I headcanon that part of his obsession with peaches are because peaches are a comfort food for him, so not being able to eat one when stressed hit him pretty hard).

[Think of it like the formation of a geode - it can do it either over a natural couple of centuries, or in a few months with intervention.]

the geode comparison is really cool! especially considering it's a stone egg.

[it's possible MK *remembers* being held by someone soft with a round belly + gold eyes. He assumes throughout his life that this person was his birth mother before he was given up/orphaned.]

imagine monkey king asking MK about his family, wantingto know how his brother's reincarnations are doing, and MK talks about them then mentions he was actually adopted and MK offhandedly mentioning the one memory he has of his "birth mother" to Monkey king and monkey king just being like "oh. oh no."

[So that Stone Egg been slow boiling from anywhere between 1394 to 1116 years. 0_o] + [Either way SWK has beaten Lao Tzu/Zi's mom (pregnant for 62-80 years), and def brags about that fact to whatever immortal will hear.]

honestly, after that long, he's earned bragging rights.

[DBK overhears LBD making threatening references to Wukong's conditon and immediately interrupts her villainy bs to yell at his sworn brother.]

LBD just giving up and leaving as the two bicker is hilarious. it also has the affect of eleveating some of Wukong's stress about LBD returning, and making him feel better about the rift between him and his brother once DBK accepts his proposal to be the egg's godparent. evn if offering such a title to someone other then Ao Lie leaves a bittersweet taste in his mouth. he knows Ao Lie would't mind him giving the title to someone he trusted, but he'd always been so sure that someone would be Ao Lie.

[After the initial shock wears off, PIF immediately summons a catalog to look for baby shower supplies. This is a monumentous occassion!]

all negitive feelings are forgotten when the excitement of a new baby within the sworn family is brought into everything + learning that Wukong very possibly could have lost his own child by helping with the Samadhi fire ritual, something he did becuase he was one of the few who could help them from losing their own child. from mother to mother(?), she understands how hard of a call that must have been to make.

[She ofc assumes it's Macaque's fault (she's not wrong XD) and that this might be her future sworn niece/nephew! She simply must organise everything for her idiot sworn brother and his mate!]

when Yuebei is born and has dark fur and glowing ears she feels it is confirmed that her assumption Macaque was the other parent was correct, no one corrects her about the bio parent situation.

[Red blinks in confusion before confronting the Monkie Kid gang about it later. Mei demands PIF's contact details right that second so that they can swap party ideas.]

red son is just going "WTH WTH WTH" the whole time as they explain, Mei would absolutely insert herself into baby shower planing the moment the idea is brought up.

[Macaque spends most of S3 trying to bat away any thoughts/predictive sounds of a happy domestic life him and Wukong cna have together.]

its dangerous to be thinking of such things with the lady bone demon breathing down his neck, but he can't help it. it gets overwhelming sometimes, the sounds of domestic moments from the past mixing with possible futures leave him questioning what it is exactly he wants anymore. but those are thoughts to process when LBD is defeated and the world isn't on the cusp of being destroyed. now of Wukong didn't put himself and the egg in one of the most compramising positions ever by being possessed in the meantime, that would be great. he makes up his mind the moment a just freed monkey king collapses into his arms crying like this is the only hug he's ever had in his life.

[Yuebei's first immortal kill is in fact LBD, preformed before she was even born. Once the switch "flipped" on the possesed SWK, the Egg recognised LBD as both a threat to her parent and a tasty source of Dao, hence; nom-nom-nom.] + [All thats left behind of the ancient bone demon is a picked-clean skull.]

not even out of the womb and already earning her "god killer" title. Wukong always guessed any kid that was solely his would be a menace, but now he's starting to get a little concerned.

I was doing some doodles for this au and I had the idea of Yuebei getting a staff of her own from her parents and I wanted it to have something to do with LBD's skull, but I couldn't make the design work. so I actually had the idea of her having her staff and wearing the front of LBD's skull like a mask. she legit wearing the skeletal face of her first kill, creepy, stylish, and effective at scaring off her enemies.

[Ah, a fellow party crasher, just like her baba.]

Wukong appreciates the hustle, but could she be a menace to everyone except him and is poor body please? he just got put through hell and now he's gotta get this egg outta him and that's probably gonna be less fun then getting possessed.

[Wukong and Macaque can barely enjoy the bowl of noodles they've stolen (in good humor) from MK when Wukong's face just drops from a shift in his body.]

Macaque feels Wukong's body suddenly go rigid and is confused, then he sees the look on Wukong's face and just knows. as soon as Wukong starts ordering Ne Zha to go get Guanyin he's instantly fussing and getting things ready for the undoubtedly long few hours ahead. surprisingly, the two monkeys are basically the only ones not panicking at this point, them and Guanyin once they're on the scene.

[Tang: "Oh gracious Buddha! The bodhisattva Guanyi herse-- oh gosh this is a lot grosser than I was expecting..." *gets woozy and hides face in Pigsy's chest*]

no matter the incarnation, every reincarnation of the golden cicada is squeamish.

[Imagine how much crying would be involved if little Yuebei just so happened to be born six-eared as well?] + [Hard to refute their claims when the little Monkey Princess has such lovely midnight-dark fur and glowing ears.]

I like to think that she wouldn't have his six sensitive ears because she didn't actually have the genetics for it, but her appearance could still be pushed so her ears do still glow a little.

even if their aren't six ears, the instant Macaque sees her ears glowing he would not be able to stop himself from squealing with joy and practically side tackling Wukong as he is incoherently babbling about how much he loves her.

[He def recorded a tape + wrote letters to Yuebei before she was born ala "For Steven" in Steven Universe... just in case his immortality didn't work in the end.]

he def let Guanyin know before hand so that if things did go wrong they'd know the tapes/letters were there to give to his infant.

[Little Yuebei spent so much time in the "final run" hearing show tunes, action movies, and the voices of Wukong's new found family/troop that she thinks theses are all "good noises"!]

this is super cute!

but to make a good thing angsty, what if she also has "bad noises" that she associates with certain things. what if when they first met Azure she was super aggressive towards him at first because she "remembers" hearing him being really mean and/or straight up hurting Wukong at some point in the journey. and what if she also isn't that trusting of macaque at first because she also only ever "heard" him when he was in the process of trying to hurt her baba and his friends, both in his first life and now in his second. this def upsets Macaque but also he did do that so he's the one who's gotta make up for it, luckily yuebei seems to warm up to him quickly when she sees him and Wukong being cuddly and reconciling.

[Yuebei decided that "Kitty" wasn't playing with her, wasn't holding her right, and wasn't even singing to her! And she wanted to make her frustrations known.]

c'mon Azure, if you're gonna hold a super strong baby that already doesn't like you the least you can do is try and keep her happy and preoccupied. he's got no one but himself to blame

sequel to this post!

Im uber excited to read more your fic btw!

[I headcanon that part of his obsession with peaches are because peaches are a comfort food for him, so not being able to eat one when stressed hit him pretty hard]

Wukong associates peaches with 1: Food security, 2: His Immortality, and most importantly, 3: His friendship/romance with Macaque. So his body deciding to reject peaches is a huge stresser for him, which leads to more stress and more nausea and less peaches, in an endless cycle. Peach chips at least dont seem to trigger the worst of his food adversion though, the crunchy chip texture seems to cancel it out.

[...MK talks about them then mentions he was actually adopted and MK offhandedly mentioning the one memory he has of his "birth mother" to Monkey king and monkey king just being like "oh. oh no."]

Oh MK sweetie no... :(

And the Monkey King is just silent cus he knows who MK is talking about [him], and even if SWK didn't create MK in the au, he was still the one to decide to send him to live among mortals for his own good. So the idea that MK potientially remembers Wukong from this time is a huge shock to him.

Wukong: "...your mother, what did they look like?"

MK, clueless: "Umm... their hair was a warm orange-y color. Like the sun. And I think their eyes was this really shiny yellow, or maybe amber colour? Oh! And they had this round stomach - I remember hugging it..." *gets kinda wistful* "I don't know why I'm not with them anymore, but hope they're doing ok if they're still out there."

Wukong, hand ghosting over his stomach: "You and me both bud."

[DBK accepts his proposal to be the egg's godparent. evn if offering such a title to someone other then Ao Lie leaves a bittersweet taste in his mouth. he knows Ao Lie would't mind him giving the title to someone he trusted, but he'd always been so sure that someone would be Ao Lie.]

Wukong def was hit hard by Ao Lie's passing. It pains him to give the godparent title to anyone else, but he knows when push comes to shove; his older sworn brother will be there to protect his infant. Ao Lie would just be glad that Wukong meant his offer all those centuries ago.

[all negitive feelings are forgotten when the excitement of a new baby within the sworn family is brought into everything + learning that Wukong very possibly could have lost his own child by helping with the Samadhi fire ritual, something he did becuase he was one of the few who could help them from losing their own child. from mother to mother(?), she understands how hard of a call that must have been to make.]

PIF has to give Wukong mega-respect; putting himself and his baby on the line for the health of her own. Even if she considers it so stupid to agree to such a dangerous ritual when Wukong knew he was carrying, PIF just looks over at Red Son, alive and healthy, and just hugs Wukong the next time she sees him. Although she hasn't been the most welcoming sworn sister-in-law, she vows to make it up to him for saving her child from the Samadhi Fire.

A decent proper baby shower is first on her list of repayments.

[when Yuebei is born and has dark fur and glowing ears she feels it is confirmed that her assumption Macaque was the other parent was correct, no one corrects her about the bio parent situation.]

PIF just side-eyeing Macaque whenever she sees him, convinced from the talk of the two's bad breakup + Macaque not initially knowing about the pregnancy; that her lil sworn bro is the baby-daddy. And when Yuebei is born having "imprinted" on Wukong's yearning/love for Macaque...

PIF: *seeing the baby's dark fur and glowing ears* PIF (whispering so not to wake the baby): "I fcking knew it." Macaque: *is too tired/proud to argue with her* "Yeaaah..." :')

[red son is just going "WTH WTH WTH" the whole time as they explain, Mei would absolutely insert herself into baby shower planing the moment the idea is brought up.]

Red has no idea what to do in response to all this baby talk, so he just; tries to apologise to SWK for setting him on fire a bunch as a toddler??

Wukong appriciates the effort.

Mei, PIF and Jiuweihuli get talking and soon Wukong is looking at a baby shower akin to a red carpet event.

[...but those are thoughts to process when LBD is defeated and the world isn't on the cusp of being destroyed. now of Wukong didn't put himself and the egg in one of the most compramising positions ever by being possessed in the meantime, that would be great. he makes up his mind the moment a just freed monkey king collapses into his arms crying like this is the only hug he's ever had in his life.]

Macaque spends episodes asking himself he truly wants to rebuild his and Wukong's relationship, and when the king holds him tight like he's about to disappear - Macaque decides to stay for good.

[not even out of the womb and already earning her "god killer" title.]

Imagine you're a random Celestial or demon and you hear the dreaded "God Killer" is gonna be at an event, and it's a tiny baby monkey in a papoose strapped to the Monkey King, or his many terrifying sworn family members.

You'd honestly be more afraid of that baby.

[I was doing some doodles for this au and I had the idea of Yuebei getting a staff of her own from her parents and I wanted it to have something to do with LBD's skull, but I couldn't make the design work. so I actually had the idea of her having her staff and wearing the front of LBD's skull like a mask. she legit wearing the skeletal face of her first kill, creepy, stylish, and effective at scaring off her enemies.]

Oh that sounds so cool!!! Her divine skull weapon being a mask made from the skull of her first kill that she uses to channel her deadly power - like turning the Medusa's head into a shield. Her staff being a gift from her parents that has no inate magic ability beyond the fact that she puts her trust in it as her first "real" weapon.

I can imagine she uses a glamour/quick magic to put the skull/mask on (like Dr Facillier in "Friends on the Other Side") as a way of saying "You're f*cked" to her opponents.

I'm excited to see how your drawings go!

[-the two monkeys are basically the only ones not panicking at this point, them and Guanyin once they're on the scene.]

Wukong and Macaque are def panicking, though its more an excited kind of panicking. Nezha and MK are def screaming. Guanyin is the only one with a cool head the entire time.

Pigsy is good at pretending he isn't worried, but he ends up tearing apart the campsight's kitchen in a hurry to make enough food for everyone. Especially when DBK and PIF realise what's happening, and are posted incase Wukong's baby causes as much trouble for him as Red did to them.

[I like to think that she wouldn't have his six sensitive ears because she didn't actually have the genetics for it, but her appearance could still be pushed so her ears do still glow a little.

Oh gosh, Mac and Wukong just see Yuebei for the first time. She's still kinda gross, having *just* busted out of her thin ambiotic shell. Her fur dark... And her little ears glowing?! Both monkey parents are sobbing, especially when they learn that Yuebei was unconciously trying her best to look like Macaque's baby with the limited genetics available. Wukong has multiple centuries of love to dish out, and Macaque is catching up fast.

[he def let Guanyin know before hand so that if things did go wrong they'd know the tapes/letters were there to give to his infant.]

Guanyin has a secret stash in the Southern Ocean of all the letters and tapes (and even some drawings of what she might have looked like) Wukong ever made for Yuebei, in case he wasn't able to give them to her in person. Yuebei ends up finding them when she's a moody teenager, mad at her baba for something stupid.

Pre-series; In absense of any other godparent... I bet Wukong would have trusted Yuebei with Guanyin if possible. The goddess would have gladly taken the infant had Wukong not survived the birth, though it would pain her for many centuries to come.

[but to make a good thing angsty, what if she also has "bad noises" that she associates with certain things...] + [...and what if she also isn't that trusting of macaque at first because she also only ever "heard" him when he was in the process of trying to hurt her baba and his friends] + [...luckily yuebei seems to warm up to him quickly when she sees him and Wukong being cuddly and reconciling.]

ooohhhh :(

Wukong walks in after letting Mac take care of Yuebei while he was out, only to come back to see both of them crying. Yuebei is doing this sort of furious wailing while Mac just looks defeated.

Macaque: "She hates me!!" Wukong, picks up Yuebei: "No she doesn't plum. She cries at eveything." Yuebei: *calms down at sound of Wukong's voice* Macaque: "No! She started crying when I tried talking to her! And when I tried soothing her it just got worse and worse and-!!" (*Wukong places a soft hand on Mac's cheek, quieting him*) Wukong: "She'll warm up to you. Just be patient." Macaque: *leans into Wukong's hand, still crying." Yuebei: *looks confused before slapping a fat little hand on Mac's face in mimicry of her baba. chirping with delight* Macaque: :')

Once the relationship between Wukong and Mac improves, so does the baby's reaction to Mac's voice (symbolism). She finally starts to associate the "bad" voice with her bama, and soon it's not a "bad voice" anymore. Though there probably is a weird bridge-point where Mac has to put on silly accents/voices when he baby-talks to Yuebei or else she'll get mad at him.

[c'mon Azure, if you're gonna hold a super strong baby that already doesn't like you the least you can do is try and keep her happy and preoccupied. he's got no one but himself to blame]

I can just imagine Azure is too preoccupied with his plans for the Celestial Realm (and plans for Wukong), and fails to notice Yuebei getting more and more fussy as he holds her (poorly). Her face contorts like she's constipated and slowly gets redder and redder with anger.

Yellowtusk immediately notices and warns Azure to let the cub down so she can at least crawl and inspect her new surroundings. Peng laughs at the thought of letting "the hatchling" decide the terms of her imprisonment.

Then Peng feels a tiny, but powerful, hand grab their wing feathers...

Yellowtusk leaves before the carnage reaches him.

#slow boiled stone egg au #stone egg talk #pregnancy tw #sun wukong #lmk aus #shadowpeach #macaque #qi xiaotian #gif warning #lmk yuebei xing #yuebei xing

90 notes · View notes

gatheredfates · 1 year ago

Text

Hi all, happy Friday! The Compendium update is happening a little earlier this week; mostly because I'm working on it in between Rabanastre queues (c'mere tomes) and because I can. 🦀 If there's a belated addition, I'll update at the end of this weekend as per normal.

However, as of today (05/24) the following resources have been added to Sea's Community Compendium for XIV Creatives.

LARGE SCALE

Nyanya.studio — Hosted by Nya Nya, this website/community services the gpose and modding community, offering posing, lighting, editing guides, and reshade presets for XIV.

(Thanks to @zylphiacrowley for the suggestion!)

MISC

WOL Prompt a Day — #WOLpromptAday is maintained by members of the “Waltz for the Moon” coalition. @ffxivwaltzforthemoon and offers a daily prompt you can answer for your character(s) in any creative format you like!

CHANGELOG

XIV Daily Question — has been removed due to inactivity.

Want to submit? You can either fill out the google form here, send me an ask with the relevant information contained on the Compendium, or join my Discord at SEAFLOOR (21+ only)!

Is my space suitable for the Compendium? Most of the time, yes! Below the read more is some more information/stipulations. Again, all the below information is accessible on the document! 🐡

Below are the following things I do not accept on the Compendium:

Personal/Single-Character LFC ads.

Content intended for or can be used for bullying, harassment and OOC gossip. E.g. ‘Secrets’ blogs, receipts, callout posts, etc. This does not include in-character tabloid blogs used to generate RP.

Communities that do not have an RP/writing element (large-scale exempt).

Anything I find personally distasteful or goes against the spirit of this project.

Common-sense rule applies.

FAQ.

I want to put my community on the compendium but we have an application process. Is this okay?

Yes! Just note somewhere in your application that's a requirement. The only thing that is mandatory for the Compendium is that you must be open to new members or have a public-facing/accessible facet. There's no point advertising a community if no one can join it in some way!

I want to put my community on the compendium but I only have x number of members —

Also totally okay! People don't start with large communities. Activity is a must but, whether your server has two or two thousand members, if you're looking for new people to join, I'd love to help you find people.

I want to put my community on the compendium but I worry its too niche?

Okay, and? If your Eorzean Fishing Alliance has four members but you roleplay every second weekend, I still want to know about it.

What resources/communities can I add if I'm not the owner of them?

Mutual consent is extremely important to me, so anything that isn't a large-scale community OR a publicly accessible resource must be endorsed by the owner/admin/moderators in order to be added to the compendium. I operate under the assumption that a resource posted to a public space (tumblr, googledocs, youtube, etc) is open to all. A large-scale community is one with a significant member count or openly advertises itself as being accessible to everyone for whatever purpose it serves. If in doubt, please get in touch with me. I'm happy to contact your community owners for you!

How active does a community need to be?

If you find a community has not been active in about two/three months, send me a message and I'll take a look at it. Communities have ebbs and flows, especially event spaces that may take hiatuses depending on member interest/life events. I'm not strict in my implementation provided a space isn't dead. If a link or anything is broken, absolutely contact me about that.

I have [insert a question not stated here]?

No drama! Send me an ask or use the #Compendium channel in my Discord!

#final fantasy xiv #ffxiv #ffxiv community #｡･ﾟﾟ･ — sea's community compendium #｡･ﾟﾟ･ — sea speaks

23 notes · View notes

kevin--of-desert-bluffs · 10 months ago

Text

At one point in fandom every appearance-less character or nonhuman who was being humanised followed a plain and simple cookie-cutter formula especially if male: thin, white, blond (usually) and young (mid-20's at the most). This was for reasons heavily related to racism and fatphobia and similar things whether people realised it or not. This carbon copy design was drilled into us as the 'acceptable attractive' man and since we all liked our blorbos he had to be this way. Right?

Then we started to (rightfully) question why it was that precious few people went outside of this mould and why those who did received less attention or even an unusual amount of grilling over their choices to deviate from something not even canon. We uncovered why our strict adherence to this design above all others was a wider problem than simply being 'same-y' or 'a bit boring'.

Enter a glorious age of people trying out something new. It wasn't always done completely right, sure, teething problems. Some people just flipped the script and did what they deemed to be 'the opposite' when really the intention of highlighting possibilities galore was to see every possible one given a chance to be seen with the equal value it had - not to indicate that one in particular was always going to be better or more canon.

Most casts of podcast characters now do seem to include a variety of interpretations of body types, races and ages (for those with no canon age). This is a good thing.

However - I should not have just seen a post indicating that one must therefore have justifiable reasons for making a character in the 'thin, white, young, blond' format. Nobody should have to justify their design choices - especially not to random strangers each with their own bias.

I get it, we don't want to fall back into that old pattern, but it's not healthy to fandom to practically shame people for feeling that said design just 'fits' the character to them whilst they're perfectly aware it's not canon and that everyone elses designs that deviate are just as good as theirs. There doesn't have to be any other reason. In fact, trying to find a better reason is likely to be very sticky.

If you're making assumptions about someone else based on their design that's on you buddy. Personally I'd rather feel like any representation of literally anything else was organic rather than a product of feeling that they must be seen as diverse and unproblematic.

#I'm sure some of you are still running into him too much but I see a lot of different designs in all podcast and similar fandoms now it's #really lovely to see and I don't have to search particularly hard for it any more which is even more lovely #but diversity means some of those white guys are fine you know #and more so my pet peeve is just people telling others what to do with their fun time in fandom when it's harmless #podcasts #and stuff of that similar nature #long post #vent post

9 notes · View notes

yamayuandadu · 1 year ago

Note

I have seen claims that at the Hinglaj Mata temple a spirit/deity worshiped under the name of "Bibi Nani", is supposedly a continuation of Sogdian/Bactrian Nana. I can't find any actual academic articles confirming this, just random blogspots that all plagiarize eachother, and keep repeating "Ishtar is Durga is Nana" even though we know Nana comes from Nanaya, not Ishtar directly, and afaik, there is no proven relation between Ishtar and Durga. Am I right for assuming this is just bullshit?

On De Gruyter, there are only two publications which mention Bibi Nani at all (other than 19th century reprints), both by the same author - a certain mr. David Gordon White who...... was an assistant of Mircea Eliade at some point according to his wiki page and incorporates Freudian themes into his scholarship. Off to a great start. Let's see what does he have to say under the cut.

The first book we need to look at is The Alchemical Body from 1993 (p. 205):

Well, that sure was illuminating. The use of "Chaldean" in a deeply puzzling context (nobody has ever proposed Nanaya originated as a Chaldean deity, and she predates first references to the Chaldean tribes appearing in Mesopotamia by centuries) coupled with the unawareness the Maccabees passage deals with the same deity would indicate complete unfamiliarity with Nanaya. Note that obviously Nanaya's and Anahita's names are not cognates of this title (let alone each other) judging from the etymology provided... Well, that and they're not "ancient mother goddesses" (I suppose calling the central Asian form of Nana[ya] an "early medieval civic goddess" lacks the mystique).

The only source White lists for this claim is not very promising, to put it very lightly - straight from the 1920s:

The only information here that does seem to check out is that "Bibi Nani" is a title used by Muslims. I can't find any estimates for how old the title is - it must've already been in use in the 19th century, and the Zikri community mentioned elsewhere in relation to the site dates back to the 1600s, but that doesn't help much. So far, no real case for identification with Nanaya to be made. Let's see the other passage, from Daemons Are Forever (p. 201). We are now in 2021, so perhaps mr. White had the opportunity to familiarize himself with at least some Nana(ya) publications.

Ah, nevermind. "Nana or Innana", lol, he didn't even romanize the latter name right. I haven't seen this supposed "generally accepted" idea in ANY publications about Nanaya - regardless of the discipline and language. The general consensus is that attestations of Nanaya go up to the tenth century, and that in the final centuries they are tied to Sogdians. Let's check the footnote.

He seems more sure of this than Falk himself (his article is here). Associating Nanaya with Venus is definitely a minority position though, regardless of the time period (Shenkar voiced a degree of support for Falk's proposal but that's about it, and I don't think this is taken by anyone but White as the source of the lion mount, also...). I wasn't familiar with the other paper listed here, but it's on academia edu. Unlike White, the author notes the identification of Bibi Nani as Nanaya is mostly the domain of publications from the 19th century. He also correctly highlights Nana(ya) is not Inanna (p. 42), and keeps stressing any association between her and the Hinglaj temple's history is purely speculative (pp. 43-44). While Brighhenti's methodology is MUCH more rigorous than White's, and the argument about a crescent-shaped natural rock formation is interesting, I'm personally not entirely convinced since Hinglaj is much further south than most central Asian attestations of Nana(ya); and she was popular chiefly in Sogdia, not in Bactria, especially after the Kushan period. Furthermore, Brighhenti relies on the incorrect assumption Nanaya was associated with earth and water (which is an extension of justifying her being more popular than Anahita or Armaiti by asserting they were interchangeable). He adds a claim from the 1960s that "her cult emphasized natural phenomena" - something I haven't seen anywhere else. Doesn't really seem to check out. The major cult centers of Nana(ya) through her entire history were significant because they were major cities or commercial hubs, not because of any natural phenomena, and neither in Mesopotamian nor Central Asian context I see much of a reason to suspect some deeper connection to nature. Whether in Mesopotamia, in Iran or in Central Asia, Nana(ya) was essentially a civic deity, from Uruk all the way to Panjakent. I don't know enough about the history of Hinglaj to tell if it fits that pattern. I will also note that Oxus and Mithra do appear in Bactrian sources postdating the arrival of Islam in the region but Nana does not, also; virtually all the attestations postdating the Kushans I'm aware of are from Sogdia, Khotan, Chorasmia and places where a significant number of Sogdians at least temporarily resided. Final verdict: not really seeing it but 90% of the Brighhenti paper is fine. I see no reason to challenge the consensus position that Nanaya's history ends roughly in the tenth century, considerably further north, though. I feel like if the evidence really was that strong Bibi Nani would pop up in more recent studies about the transfer of Nanaya's cult. As a side note, not even Brighenti suggests that the modern goddess of Hinglaj is Nana(ya). He proposes she was introduced from northern India in the 9th or 10th century, which lines up with historical sources he provides pretty well.

I did a quick survey of other sites and the only other Nanaya = Bibi Nani truther is Asko Parpola (who is, naturally, convinced she is ACTUALLY Inanna). I refuse to engage with the Parpolas, and Asko is supposedly even less rigorous than Simo. This is par the course for hyperdiffusionists. The final matter to address is the weird claim about Durga being Ishtar or. Whatever. I won't engage with this directly, the source is almost definitely wikipedia's questionable Inanna article which was pretty heavy on this sort of takes and probably still is - courtesy of the Parpolas. Now, the Hinglaj goddess is indeed identified with Durga apparently, but Durga as you correctly pointed outhas nothing to do with Ishtar, and even the connection to Nanaya is at best vague. Basically, it has been suggested that the iconographic type represented by Nanaya with lion on coins might have influenced early depictions of Durga from Mathura (or an unidentified deity iconographically similar to Durga; there's some discussion in Westenholz's article here, pp. 190-191; Potts brings it up in his 2001 Nanaya article too but this one has mixed reception and he assumes Nanaya's spouse in Central Asia was Oesho, not Tishtrya, which doesn't seem to be a widespread view). This doesn't seem too unlikely. However, even if we accept this, it would only constitute transfer of an iconographic type (so the connection between Nanaya and Durga would be about as close as between Nanaya and Dionysus). In a region where these moved in a basically kaleidoscopic manner at that, judging from the fabled case of Tishtrya as Artemis. Iconography can move separately from the actual deity (least we forget Taweret becoming a generic critter on Crete); and as far as I am aware, there is no evidence Nanaya herself was worshiped in Mathura.

#hinadoll39 #sogdian miscellanea #mesopotamian miscellanea

11 notes · View notes