#I almost feel a bit empty without the falsetto

[sparklativity]

There's something to be said for the fact that the keyboard has replaced Kris's backing vocals but still somewhat sounds like his voice

[surrealisticduvet]

Album Review: Infinite Rider on the Big Dogma (1979)

What is it? 

Infinite Rider… on the Big… Dogma.

What?

With this album, I decided to go with the “write as you re-listen” method of reviewing, since I knew I had so much to say about many of the songs individually. I hope this is as half as enjoyable to read as it was to write. As always, please let me know if you have any comments or dissenting opinions, I would love to hear them!

Without further, or really any, ado, we have “Dance”, a frivolously thrilling and unusual new style from our Michael. I am always a little shocked by its usage here as an opener, so used to it being the outro to Elephant Parts, in which many Infinite Rider songs feature. The instrumentation is rich and complex, in stark contrast to the lyrics –  “All I wanna do is dance and have a good time”. In some ways it leaves you confused as to why this wasn’t a big radio hit - is it the way he sings it, almost ironic in its empty-headedness? Is it just his bad luck? The song is too short to let you ponder for long. 

Next, we have “Magic” – my main gripe with this song, unfortunately not a bug but a feature, is the kitschy way he sings some of the high notes (we know for a fact he can hit them without so much falsetto fanfare) but it does add to the subtle irony of the song. Hidden underneath that facade, buried in the full, sustained notes of the chorus, is his true capacity. This song has a bit of a festive undertone with the bells lightly jingling, adding to the feeling of, genuinely, magic. Once again, this song is expertly produced, musically (aside from the background vocals “do-do-dooing” which I think is sometimes overkill) - there are a lot of layers which prevent it from sounding like a cheap holiday commercial.

I completely stand by the belief that “Flying” is an Eagles parody. Listen to this, and then listen to something like “One of These Nights.” I maintain also that this song is at least a parody of something, with lyrics that are deceptively genuine at first before dipping into deep unseriousness, all sung as straight-faced as ever. The middle eight here is again just exquisite. I wish there was an instrumental of this track particularly, although his vocals are so good that I wouldn’t push too hard for it. This song sounds like it ought to be played to a packed arena, something almost on the same level, musically, as “Comfortably Numb.” As the song fades out, you get a bit of a better listen to the drum and rhythm section, which has a unique stylistic blend and flare that, once again, adds depth to what otherwise might be called a boring album. (Misguided Rateyourmusic users have called it his “most accessible” album [read: contemporary, standard-issue, basic! – more on this at the end] but I disagree, at the risk of sounding pretentious… Infinite Rider is a complex and borderline experimental album; it just so happened that he was experimenting with things that happened to be in popular music at the time.)

Much like taking songs from The Prison out of their context as a soundtrack in order to review them musically, it is critical to take “Tonite” out of the context of Elephant Parts, in which it is evergreen in its evocation of the special as a whole – they were literally made for each other. The lyrics are weird, for Michael - on a first listen, you’ll be a little put off by them, until you get to the bridge and chorus, which swings back to the sort of strangeness that you’re used to, and now the old Hollywood oddness from the beginning starts to make a little sense. Three for three, these songs have so much going on musically that you never have a chance to be bored or question his intentions. There’s expert use of a piano/synth solo here which in some ways really dates the album as being from the late 70s/early 80s but that’s what I like so no complaints here. As the song ramps up towards the end (nearly unrecognizable from the moderately paced introductory verse) Michael slips into a rougher tone and drives the whole thing home. Careful listeners will catch the “I’m still inside of a little glass tube - I’m still inside of this room” as it fades out; a tasteful callback to the final scene of Head (1968), or just a bit of before-its-time commentary on the effect of fame on an individual’s psyche? Infinite Rider gives you no time at all to chew and swallow thoughtfully - the next song is already upon us.

“Carioca” is the first and only real reprieve you’ll get on this album, and it is still a wonderful song. Much like “Rio,” this song is inspired by what we can assume to be Michael’s fond memories of seeing Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers in Flying Down to Rio (1933). His ability to belt out a chorus shines here, supported by pleasant instrumentation. Take a breath while you can, because up next we have…

… “Cruisin’”. If you’ve heard any song from this album already, it’s probably this – and you’ve probably seen a little bit of the music video from Elephant Parts, too. The verses are low-key and casual, and the whole thing reeks of sun-tan oil and hot tarmac. Whether or not you consider this to be Michael’s coming-out party, it’s still a compelling song much in the style of something like the Traveling Wilbury’s “Tweeter and the Monkey Man.” On its own, the song is fairly middle-of-the-road; it’s the music video that really makes it pop, with visual cues lining up perfectly to the song and Michael’s own performance of it (in those sunglasses...) 

From “Cruisin’” we dive straight into “Factions,” perhaps more memorably titled in early versions as “The Daughter of Rock n' Roll.” He didn’t invent anything new with the song, but definitely proved that he could keep up with the times, musically. The things he does with his voice here are almost foreign, a tone and gravel that we’ve never heard from him before. The song itself is good, with clever lyrics and an interesting story, a classic Nesmithian take on the contemporary “rock ‘n’ roll song about rock ‘n’ roll.” It’s not at the top of the album for me, but any song that effectively uses and rhymes the word “Boogie” gets a free pass for me. 

Take another deep breath at the end of this one, because you’re about to experience what is possibly, maybe probably, my favorite song of his ever: “Light.” Immediately, he has dropped the ironic and performative vocal quirks, and is once again singing in his own sweet tenor, with just a few humorous dips to keep you guessing. This song effortlessly blends bleating saxophone solos with laid-back steely drum meanderings, quivering organ overtones, and a sturdy, pulsing bassline. The lyrics are simple, yet powerful – “but the light from the window is the brightest of all” among others. I find it interesting that the song is called not “lights” plural, but “Light,” singular, implying that these eclectic lights are all interconnected, blending together from and into one infinite form. Once you have seen the music video for this, you’ll never listen to the song without its dancer flashing and jumping through your mind, it’s truly mesmerizing and at times otherworldly – again, the visions of the dancer and Michael are melded together by the use of mirrors and cutaways to create a mind bending effect. “Light” clocks in at 3:21 and feels even shorter; it ends almost abruptly, with the sax trailing off. I usually have to listen to it at least a second time to really let it sink in. 

One Tumblr user has in the past posited that we should “kill Horserace and replace it with a second Light” (Surrealisticduvet, 2024), and I wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment. Much like “The Other Room” is on From a Radio Engine to the Photon Wing, “Horserace”’s placement here is jarring, uncouth, and downright disrespectful to the rest of the album. Okay – now that I’ve gotten all that out of my system, let me explain why it just doesn’t work for me. While many songs on Infinite Rider have lyrics that are tongue-in-cheek, parodical, and dare I say intentionally silly, “Horserace” feels to me almost sloppy. Many words are rhymed with each other in such a way that it doesn’t feel intentional, meaning that by default it sounds amateurish. Michael here utilizes the same growl that he does on “Factions” and to some extent “Dance,” but it overpowers the track to the point where I had a hard time focusing on the music. (When I managed to, I confirmed to myself that it wasn’t as intricately crafted as any of the first 7 songs, and certainly not the last one we just listened to.) I’ve always said that even Michael’s worst songs are still worth listening to; such is not the case with “Horserace.” Listen to “Light” a second time and then hit that skip button.

“Capsule” is another one of those songs that Michael co-wrote with a few other people, and it is, dare I say, obvious. I like what he was trying to do, and the song sounds interesting, with a cool, jazzy swing. I don’t think it’s among his best work, either vocally or lyrically, and it’s a bit of a disappointing closer to an otherwise fast-paced and densely enjoyable album. 

I have to give a little shout out to the album’s outtakes, which I actually didn’t even know about until very recently. “Rollin’” is a real foot-tapper that takes his old song “Roll With the Flow” and revamps it in late-70’s radio-rock fashion with a “Mama Rocker”-style piano breakdown that sweeps up and down the keys. The whole song is pretty simple, but fun and effective, and I really like it. “Walkin’ in the Sand” is an interesting track, a true outtake in the sense that it breaks free from the one-word-title constraint he set for himself on this album. It’s like nothing I’ve ever heard from him, ramping up his affinity for minor-keys to a new level, with a glaring bass riff like something from the Arctic Monkeys (sorry, I can’t think of a more period-appropriate comparison). I’d be curious about what he could do in this style if given a whole album to play with – but if all we ever got was this one song, I’m still thrilled. 

Conclusion:

I think Infinite Rider, despite being perhaps more well-known during its time than his other albums, is largely misunderstood. (To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to enjoy his… oh, god, listen to me.) Some reviews call it his most accessible album, and laud his return into the sphere of pop music. I have a hard time explicitly agreeing with these assertions; I don’t think the album’s true intentions are as wholesome, simplistic, and popularity-seeking as some may claim. Much like The Prison was written as a soundtrack, Infinite Rider was written as a “video album” – to listen to “Magic” or “Cruisin’” on their own, without the music video, is to experience only half of the song. Even tracks which were not released with a visual component, I would argue, must still be considered within this context.

Critics also say that this album was overproduced and that there’s too much going on, instrumentally; this is just a difference of taste – I like an album you can listen to half a dozen times over and still hear something new. One amateur reviewer (my peer, I suppose) said that they appreciated the album since, despite its tongue-twisting title, it was easy to enjoy without having to crawl into Nesmith’s head to “get” it. Well, I guess I can’t argue with that – Infinite Rider’s appeal lies in the fact that to the casual listener, it is a good rock ‘n’ rollin’ time that ends after 38 minutes and 15 seconds; for anyone with enough time on their hands to dig a little deeper, rest assured that Michael will not disappoint.

[redorich]

for the hermit canyon, i humbly request:

Etho messing with Karl and maybe like, Lazarbeam or Fundy, by pretending he’s moth man.

Quackity stalks through the woods, blissfully unaware of its other inhabitants-- not that he would care, if he knew. No, tonight, under the full moon (because it's romantic) he makes his move.

The Hermit, as Quackity is completely sure of, is a beautiful young woman with long flowing hair as white as snow. Because she is a creature of untold power and beauty, fairy tale logic obviously applies. Therefore, if Quackity can steal her clothes, she will have no choice but to marry him and they will live happily ever after as big booty bitches in love.

Nodding to himself, Quackity feels assured in his logic. He's wearing his favorite assless chaps, his best pair of knockoff Yeezys, and no shirt. He is ready for what is to come.

---

Karl lurks deep in the forest, illuminated only by the moon. He leans against a tree, taking care not to disturb his outfit-- he is camouflaged as a bush. Dangling strips of green and brown fabric cover his body, and his limbs are completely hidden in the costume so long as he stands still. It's a daunting task, standing still in the dark, dangerous woods at night. Nevertheless, Karl knows that this is what he must do.

"Triclops Mothman, my beloved," he whispers into the night. He will find Mothman, and he will marry Mothman. There is no alternative.

---

Far away from both Karl and Quackity, though still in the same spruce forest, Sapnap angrily prowls. Well, he'd describe it as a prowl. Truthfully, it's more of a pouty stomp. He knows that this forest has had multiple "Hermit sightings", and Sapnap wants-- no, needs what he's after.

"Hermit!" he screams into the night. "Come out and fight me, you little bitch! Man on man!"

To emphasize his point, he bangs a pot and a pan against each other several times. Sapnap is getting his revenge for that little ravager prank, one way or another.

---

Deep within the canyon walls, the Hermit complex looks like an overturned anthill with all its activity. It's Halloween night come early.

"I'm not wearing a dress," Etho insists.

Grian whines, "But Etho, I made it just for you! It matches Stress's outfit."

Stress, upon hearing her name, looks up from her book and waves. Cleo is currently fiddling with the thick mane of synthetic white hair Stress is wearing, styling the wig into a princess-y type braid.

"I'll say it again," Cleo says, looking very intently into Etho's eyes, "I could take your place."

"No," Etho sighs. "If what Puffy said about these guys is true, you'd probably bite someone's face off by the end of the night."

"You're no fun," Cleo huffs, but acquiesces.

"At least put on the wig," Grian demands.

Grian and Etho have a staring contest for a solid ninety seconds before Etho snaps his fingers in front of Grian's face, causing him to flinch and blink. "You cheater--!"

"I'll wear the wig," Etho interrupts Grian. Instantaneously, Grian loses his outraged moue.

Cleo sighs. "They're the same wig, right? Do I have to braid Etho's hair, too?"

"I think I'll be fine with my new flowing, luscious locks," Etho says with a humorous crinkle to his eyes.

They all laugh as Etho dramatically flips his fake hair, whipping himself in the face with it in the process. He also receives a thumbs up from Joe, who is in the process of searching for his contact lenses because "Herobrine doesn't wear glasses", according to Bdubs.

Night falls, and the Hermits are prepared. They hope their victims aren't.

---

Quackity catches a glimpse of silver-white after so long searching in the woods. With a little gasp, he eagerly pursues it. His beautiful maiden, ethereal and distant like the moon, darts between trees and leaps across creeks like she is flying, like her feet barely touch the ground.

He follows her to a clearing, but when he bursts through the brush into the open space, she is nowhere to be found.

“Mi rey!” he wails, “Fantasma hermosa! Come to papi!”

Etho, hiding in a tree about five feet away, has no clue what any of those words mean. He affects a terrible falsetto and throws his voice. “Hello, Quackity.”

Quackity jumps, looking around wildly for his beautiful girlboss queen. “Hermit?! You know my name?”

“Of course, Quackity,” Etho says, hefting a large rock in his hand. “Come closer, I have a cask of Amontillado we can share.”

Quackity turns toward Etho's voice just fast enough to catch a glimpse of the Hermit's mask, his (fake) long white hair, his decidedly not female appearance. Quackity looks the Hermit up and down. Etho has never felt more Perceived.

"What's a place like you doing in a guy like this?" Quackity says, flirtatiousness dripping from his voice.

Etho eyes the man's assless chaps with distaste from his crouched perch in a tree. Quick as lightning, he chucks the heavy rock in his hand at Quackity's head, knocking him out instantly.

Etho jumps down from his tree with a huffed sigh. "Well," he says, grabbing Quackity by the ankle and dragging him, "time to get to work."

---

"Pspspsps," Karl whispers, "heeeere Mothman..."

The sound of a twig snapping to his right makes Karl freeze, then turn ever so slowly. There's no one there. Karl holds his breath for what feels like an eternity, but is eventually forced to admit that the noise was probably just an animal. Surely, a creature of Mothman's size would make more noise when he walks, given the weight of his strong legs.

"Mothman," Karl says. "I wrote you a poem!"

Joe, who was up until this point hiding behind trees and ominously snapping twigs, feels a twinge of morbid curiosity. As a poet, he absolutely has to know what Karl considers an adequate love poem for Mothman.

With red cheeks, Karl professes his love:

"Your feelers make me feel so sweet

Your hindwings set my heart aflame

Fern-like antennae make me melt

And Mothman, you're to blame."

Despite himself, Joe is a little bit impressed. It almost makes him feel bad about what he's about to do-- almost.

A soft eerie glow seeps into the forest, catching Karl's eye. He investigates, creeping forward until he turns around a tree and sees glowing white eyes. He screams, but there is no sound, and the forest has disappeared. Only those eyes remain, and they too flicker out of existence.

There is a dim corridor ahead of him, narrow and lit by redstone torches. At the end, there is an iron door. He runs to the exit, but as soon as his hand touches the door it disappears and he is engulfed by swirling purple-- like a Nether portal, but so much more terrifying.

The purple is gone and he can just barely make out the menacing image of a man with glowing white eyes T-posing in the blackness. Karl opens his eyes and wakes up on the forest floor, prone and sore.

"Right," he mutters breathlessly to himself, "Mothman is not interested."

---

"--YOU BITCH ASS PUNK, I'M GONNA RIP YOUR LEGS OFF AND STICK 'EM ON YOUR HEAD!" Sapnap screams, banging the only pot he owns against a non-stick frying pan he stole from George.

"Well, that's not very nice, innit?" says a feminine voice. Sapnap looks left, right, behind him, up in the trees... then down.

Big brown eyes peer up at him through white bangs. A displeased pout set into a moon-pale face attached to an equally moon-pale woman chastises him without words.

"...You're the Hermit?" Sapnap says disbelievingly. He has his doubts that someone as small and pretty as this woman could wrangle a ravager onto his front lawn.

"You wanted a fight," she huffs. "And for the record, you totally had it coming, with Pamela's Revenge-- remember, the rava--"

"Yes, I know the ravager was named Pamela's Revenge! There were like eight hundred million death messages in chat about it, you jackass!" Sapnap snaps, trying to cover up his unease. It's not that he's hesitant to hit her because she's a girl; he would deck the shit out of Niki or Puffy with absolutely no provocation whatsoever. It's just that... she looks soft. Like a non-combatant. It would be too easy, too cruel--

Stress punches Sapnap in the jaw with a wicked right hook. "Stealing is wrong," she says.

While Sapnap is dazed and quite possibly mildly concussed, Stress follows up with a brutal kick to the shin. Sapnap makes a genuine effort to fight back, and he’s no slouch, but he’s been taken so thoroughly off guard that the best he can do with his head spinning as it is is to swing with a wild haymaker and hope it hits.

His fist makes contact with something soft and squishy. He hears a grunt, but Stress shoves him over onto the ground and dumps a bucket of glitter over his head. It burns his eyes, but more importantly it burns his pride. He doesn’t remember at what point he dropped his pot and pan (he must have at some point, because he punched the Hermit with an empty fist), but he’s angry enough to open his watery eyes through the magenta glitter and snatch George’s frying pan up off the forest floor, hurling it at the Hermit with devastating accuracy. She yelps, blocking with her forearm at the last moment.

“Knew I shoulda let Etho...” Sapnap hears the Hermit mutter. What’s an Etho?

Stress irritably bonks Sapnap on the head with the pan he threw at her. He goes limp like a ragdoll, and Stress sets about maneuvering his body into a sitting position leaned against a tree so she can do his makeup while he sleeps.

“Hope I don’t poke his eye out!” she says. “Ah well, he’s got two anyway. Now, should I go for a cute, summery look, or a dark evening look?”

---

In Atrium 1 of the Hermit Canyon complex, Puffy laughs loud and clear, clutching her paper cup tightly so she doesn’t spill her fruit punch. "No,” she chokes out, “he didn’t.”

Cub, holding a similar paper cup, waves his hand in a vague gesture. “Yep. That’s Etho for you. You know, one time he got Doc to run around with a snowman head on, eating spider eyes?”

“Oh man,” Puffy sighs, wiping a tear of laughter from the corner of her eye. “I’m so glad I snitched on Karl, Quackity, and Sapnap. I can’t wait to see their reactions!”

Cub grins evilly. “Stress got pictures before she left.”

Puffy gasps, stars in her eyes. “I’ll bake you a whole cake if you get me a copy.”

“I’ll bake Cub a whole cake if he gives them to me instead,” Grian interjects from across the room. “I don’t need them, I just want to take them from you.”

“Nooooo!” Puffy wails melodramatically. “Grian, please spare me!”

“Five diamond blocks,” Grian makes his demand.

Puffy continues to fake-sob, pretending not to notice Scar sneaking up on Grian until Scar drops an anvil on Grian’s head, like a Looney Tunes episode but slightly to the left. While Grian is distracted, Cub slips the pictures to Puffy, who puts them in her inventory without looking.

Etho walks into the Atrium, now dressed as his normal self, including his natural hair, which looks like an angry wet cat perched atop his head, just the way he likes it. Everyone cheers.

“So, how’d it go with Quackity?” Puffy asks with a smirk.

“Well...” Etho says.

---

Quackity wakes up with the sun in his eyes. In front of him is the public Nether portal, and standing right in front of it is a wide-eyed Sam, staring directly at him. Quackity looks down.

He’s naked, covered in half-dried honey, and tied to a pole like the world’s sexiest flag. And he’s got the world’s worst hangover-- it feels like he’s been hit in the head with a large rock.

“Not again,” he groans.

“...This happens often?” Sam asks.

“If I had a nickel for every time something like this has happened,” Quackity says, wiggling his way out of the ropes tying him to the pole, “I’d have enough money to go buy myself a pair of pants.”

Sam averts his eyes to the sky, abruptly aware of exactly why Quackity would feel the need to buy a pair of pants.

“Damn it,” Quackity says. “Those were my favorite pair of assless chaps.”

“Were they now,” Sam says numbly. The sky is quite blue today, it’s rather beautiful.

Quackity huffs in aggravation, finally having freed himself from his binds. “Yeah, they just don’t make ‘em like they used to, you know?”

“Not really, no,” Sam says slowly. “I wouldn’t know much about-- assless chaps.”

The naked man shrugs. Haltingly, Sam unclasps his cape, pulling it off his shoulders and offering it to Quackity.

“Nah,” Quackity says, “I’ll just streak.”

“Please don’t,” Sam says with pain in his eyes.

[98prilla]

Seeking Oblivion

Next

Previous

AO3

...

It was midday when Janus came thundering up the stairs, startling Virgil, who was on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, trying to get rid of the final vestiges of jitters from the unbelievable, endless, panic attack from the day before.

 “Jesus, Jan. Warn a side.” That was enough to freeze him in place, the casualness with which Virgil addressed him, using not only his name but his old nickname.

 “you… are we… what?” He stammered, not sure if he’d just wandered into the twilight zone or some alternate reality.

 “look. You… helped me out, yesterday, and I appreciated you checking in, knowing how anxious I must be. Especially… especially since nobody else did.” Virgil’s lips twisted in a small, bitter smile, as he looked away, pulling on his hoodie strings.

 “Virgil-“

 “It’s fine. Everyone… everyone else was busy with their own meltdowns, and it sounded like I wouldn’t have wanted to be there, anyway. Giant frog monster Pat? Yeah, no thanks.” Virgil shuddered, a small smile flashing across Janus’s face.

 “so. Thanks. I guess. Both for helping me, and… and protecting Thomas. You’re really… helpful, when you’re not being an arrogant ass.” Virgil mumbled, and Janus let out a small laugh, softening, accepting Virgil’s olive branch for what it was.

 “We didn’t leave things on the best of terms, so, I get it if we’re not cool. But, um, can we try? To… work together?” Virgil’s voice was a squeak, and Janus smiled, just a bit.

 “Yes. I would like that. You can start with this.” He said, sitting on the couch next to Virgil, seriousness coming back as he remembered why he came up here in the first place, passing the note to Virgil.

“What… is this from Princey?” Virgil mumbled, reading it slowly, eyes widening as he came to the end.

 “What does he mean? Janus, what does he mean ‘I’m sorry and tell Remus I know he’ll be more than I ever was?’ What…” His hands were gripping the paper hard, face paling.

 “It was left on my desk. Roman… he apologizes, for making fun of my name, for calling me the villain and his general attitude towards me, for siding against me with Patton, telling me I was right about all the self care I was preaching, that he hopes everyone takes my advice and takes some time. And he hopes,” his voice cracks for a second, his worry clogging his throat, “he hopes he gets to see everyone once again. I was hoping any of you had seen him since yesterday’s events, I’m… worried.” Virgil shook his head.

 “No, no, we haven’t, we thought… I thought, he was just in his room, cooling down, or upset, or off in the imagination, beating shit up. But that… that doesn’t sound like him. Not ok him. Patton! Lo!”

 Logan rose up first, adjusting his glasses, Patton following shortly after, though he looked slightly more disheveled than Logan, smiling weakly at Janus.

 “Has anyone seen Roman?” Virgil asked, Logan shaking his head, Patton frowning.

 “No, I thought we should give the kiddo some space.” Virgil muttered a curse under his breath, looking to Janus for permission, before passing the note to Logan. He read it with a furrowed brow, Patton peeking over his shoulder, hand flying to cover his mouth as he got to the end.

 “We should check on him. Immediately. I… the tone of this letter is extremely concerning.” Logan, voice shaking just a tad. Without further encouragement, Patton nodded, taking off down the hallway towards Roman’s room, the others not far behind.

 “Roman? Kiddo, you in there?” Patton called, knocking on the door, frowning as he heard nothing in response. “I know you might not wanna talk right now, but can you just let me know you’re ok in there?” He tried again, met once more with only silence. He took a deep breath before trying the handle, a bit relieved to find the room unlocked.

 “Roman?” Logan called hesitantly, stepping past Patton and into the room, eyes widening at the state of it.

 It should have been messy. There should have been playbills from every show they'd been in or attended framed on the walls, a myriad of posters interspersed amongst them. Light should have been shining down from the large, stained glass ceiling, notebooks and loose papers filled with sketches and ideas should have been scattered about every inch of the floor. It should be a chaotic, colorful, clashing, mess.

 Instead…

 Instead it was clean, tidy… empty. Nothing on the pale cream walls, the posters gone, presumably packed into the neat pile of boxes stacked against one wall, each one labeled. Posters, notebooks, clothes, art supplies, all packed away, as if Roman was moving.

 “what the…” Patton passed Logan, pulling the white sheet off the standing mirror, Roman's portal to the imagination, blanching instantly.

 Usually, the portal showed the other side, green fields or a distant castle, magical forests, whatever Roman had conjured. Now it reflected nothing but a light, swirling mist. Carefully, he reached out, gasping as he laid a palm flat against the glass, instead of simply passing through it. His portal was… broken?

 Virgil inhaled sharply, face paling suddenly, and Janus had to wrap an arm around his shoulders to keep him steady as he stumbled.

 “Vee?” he asked.

 “It’s cracked. H-his mirror. It’s breaking. Roman's… roman's fading.”

 “No. No he can’t… he hasn’t ducked out! We would know, if he’d ducked out.” Patton answered, unable to take his eyes off the glass, seeing now the small, hairline breaks in the surface, tracing them lightly with his finger.

 “That's not the only thing that could lead to him fading. If he isn’t here, he must be in the imagination.” Janus replied.

 “And given that his portal is no longer working, that leaves us with one option. Remus!” Logan called, not flinching as he instantly popped into existence, so close to his face their noses were touching.

 “Lolo! I’m surprised you called. Finally letting loose? Time for some roleplay? I've always wanted to be the school girl. I’ve been bad professor, surely there's some way I could earn extra credit?” Remus asked in a high falsetto that was also somehow husky. Patton winced, and Logan heard Virgil's faint ‘gross', but he didn’t back away or back down.

 “Fortunately, no. We need passage through the imagination. You are the side to call, are you not?” He asked evenly, Remus backing away with a scowl. He never could get a rise out of Logan.

 “Of course. But you don’t need me for that. You’ve got goody two shoes disney prince. You don’t need me." Remus pouted sourly, pacing away, hands fidgeting wildly.

 “Remus. Look around. Where do you think we are right now?” Logan asked. Remus spun around, glaring at the plain walls, plain floors, plain ceiling, a few hours and some blood, he could make a masterpiece!

 Then his gaze drifted, and he shoved past Logan, barely noticing Patton letting out a squeak and just barely avoiding getting barreled through as his eyes flitted over the mirror.

 He let out a low growl, pressing his palm to the surface, demanding to see, demanding to be let in, demanding it show him.

 Gray. Nothing. Silence.

 He stumbled back, clutching at his chest, eyes wide as he stared at the glass, the cracks ever so slightly longer.

 “oh no no no no. That’s not right. That’s not right at all.”

 “Remus? What is it?” Patton, hesitant.

 “Nothing. It… there was nothing.” Remus gathered himself, spinning on his heel, passing Virgil and Janus as he stalked out the door. “Well? Are you coming or not?” The group glanced at each other, before following Remus back down the stairs.

 He was muttering and mumbling to himself the whole time as he walked, hand clenching and unclenching as he stalked to his own room, shoving open the door, not caring if the others had followed or not as he strode through his mirror, aiming for the border of the kingdom closest to Roman's.

 “are… are we sure about this?” Patton squeaked outside of Remus's room, more than a little intimidated by whatever would be inside his imagination.

 “Yes. If we wish to stop whatever is happening from developing further, we need to follow." Logan replied, not hesitating as he, too, vanished through the mirror.

 “It’ll be ok, Pat. He's… wild, but he’d never do any lasting damage to one of us.” Virgil reassured lowly, taking a breath before stepping through himself.

 “Patton?” Janus slipped his hand into Patton's, summoning all his sincerity as he met the moral side's eyes.

 “you can do this." Patton took a shaky breath, shooting Janus a small, lopsided smile.

 “Ok. Let's go.” Patton whispered, squeezing his hand once before squaring his shoulders and walking through the glass, hand in hand with Janus.

…

 Remus stopped in his tracks as soon as he looked up after crossing the mirror, frozen to the spot.

 This… this was wrong. This was wrong.

 It had let him out on a crag, overlooking Roman's side. Usually it was magical forests and herds of unicorns far as the eye could see, Roman's colorful story book castle rising up in the distance. Maybe a few sparkling gem colored dragons circling the air. The sun gently shining, fluffy white clouds, the perfect image of the perfect day.

 Now, all of that was gone.

 It was eerily quiet, the kind of quiet that meant all life had fled, the kind of quiet that stilled the air, the entire world holding its breath.

 A light, gray mist covered the entire plain, though it didn’t smell like rain, like wet earth, like mist should. It was just… there, slowly covering everything. Huge, twisting vines covered in sharp thorns grew from the ground like trees, twisting over and across each other in arches and knots.

 And there, far in the distance, a gray spire of stone, the only thing breaking the monotony of the endless vines, a tower.

 That’s where Roman was. He could feel it. But he couldn’t feel anything else. Him and Roman were linked, to an almost telepathic level at times, and at some level he always knew vaguely what Roman was feeling, the more he concentrated, the more precise he became.

 He was using all his focus now, trying to pull at that link, trying to pull anything from Roman, only to be met again and again by that terrifying blankness of nothing.

 He was barely aware that the other sides had joined him in staring out into the distance, he felt ten degrees removed from his body as he realized what, exactly, was happening. The mist wasn’t just covering everything, it wasn’t a conscious aesthetic choice on Roman’s part, and neither were the vines. They were taking over. They were all that was left, they were slowly but surely destroying Roman’s imagination. And he was in the middle of it.  

 He heard sharp inhales and shocked gasps, dimly realizing he must have spoken aloud, cotton still filling his ears as he refused to take his eyes off the tower.

 Roman.

 He hated Roman.

 He loved Roman.

 He couldn’t live without Roman.

 “Remus.” Suddenly Janus was before him, close, and he snapped his attention to him, despair filling him as he met those gold and brown eyes. “Breathe. We will get him back.”

 “promise?” He whispered, feeling tears pricking his eyes, and god, if Roman did come back from this, he was going to murder him all over again.

 “promise. We need you to show us the way.” He shook his head.

 “I don’t know. I can still conjure over there, sure, but I can’t change the landscape, I can’t get us any closer than this! We’d have to walk it and that would take days, and by that time, the mist will have swallowed up everything, and there’ll be nothing left, including us, and then Thomas will be no better than a potato!” He yelled, arms flailing above his head as he ranted, pacing restlessly, everything in him screaming to move.

 “We have longer than you are estimating, Remus. Roman has been a central part of Thomas for nigh on three decades. It is therefore unlikely that he would fade quite so quickly, especially since he has not ducked out. He is in the imagination, where he is arguably strongest. And… he is not trying to fade, based on his letter. We have time, as much as it feels otherwise. We have time to fix this.” Logan interjected, his science tempered with his nervous tone, though his eyes, too, were fixed on the horizon.

 “We won’t fix anything just standing around here all day. Are we going, or not?” Virgil asked, glaring out at the vines, a glare nearly strong enough to make them wilt on his face, as he turned to Remus.

 “You can at least make stairs to get us down there, right?” Remus nodded, a snap of his fingers and a winding stairway was cut into the stone. Virgil gave a sharp nod in thanks, starting down the pathway, down towards the mist, down towards Roman.

 Logan gave his shoulder a squeeze as he passed, a small sign of reassurance and solidarity. Janus softly bumped his shoulder as he made his way to the stairs. And Patton… Patton slipped his hand into his, nearly making him jump at the sign of affection, from Patton, of all people.

 “come on, kiddo. Let’s go.”

[uayv]

＼(￣▽￣)／me again with my stream of bs album review that no one asked for~ nct 127 neo zone edition

Elevator (127F): * D I N G *. oh hellooooo sexy bass. the synth is so cute(?). lmao was gonnas ay this sounds relatively stripped back but then nevermmiiinnnnddddd. crey this is such a fun laid back song. like the kind of song id play on a sunny morning making pancakes to. 

영웅 (英雄; Kick It): honestly i love this kind of strong beat heavy songs. plus their using the same kind of chant/layered speak-sing voice that Go had. OH yeaahhh that brief beat of emptiness mmmmm sexy. eheh that one brief melodic sound softens the songs so much and makes it so nice on the ears. tbh i get why people are like oh its ~noise~ cause the melody is really hard to pull out. like you cant really hum this song without doing the dubstup BWOBBWOBWOBWOBOBWOB. ooooh raplineeeee. me a doyoung voice supremicist. im putting this on my work out playlist. ughiuhgehrigjhkewf haechans voice yeeeeee.

꿈 (Boom): creyeyryewryewurehjfkdkke johnnnyyyyyyy. i absolutely love boom. this was one of my favs during the song previews challenge thing. omfg this weird interlude...is this a bridge?...or part of the chorus???? whatever that weird sexy part is oh yeah im here for that. i actually have such a fondness for marks voice.

낮잠 (Pandora’s Box): oh looveee when it picks up. oooh a lil jazzy? blues? in the piano is it???? and that brief lil dance into minor during pandoras box. theyre really doing a lot of group lines eh. T^T maaarrrrrkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkleeelleeeeeee. taeeeyyoooonnngggg. JONNETH. man they went serious with them 90s synths. committing to the concept i approve.

Day Dream (白日夢): another ‘dream’ reference *notes into on insane conspiracy theory lockbox*. oh wtf ooooh this brief off-kilter beat suddenly in all this dreamy kind of haze. loving you feels like im dreaminnggg. interesting almost pizzicato singing layered with this amorphous dreamy sound. falestooooo. those chimes add such a nice touch. 

Interlude: Neo Zone: this is hella into the neo-verse style. i love how the interludes always have a bit of dissonance. OK DUBSTEP????????? sexy how they truly make it feel like youre gently falling from a day dream and suddenly it gets a little haunting and disjointed,,, and then hella BWAHBWAHBBWAHH. wait whatd he whisper?? no more trauma? drama?

뿔 (MAD DOG): this song is so hella taeyongs style. lol the tongue click. im just a hella sucker for marks voice. truly sounds like im blowing my speakers out with these sounds but its all good.

Sit Down!: omg sorry this just sounds like such a typical song that i might here in some clubs here. hahah jokes nevermind that was a sudden switch in the pre-chorus. OH NOPELMAO we’re back to the club. starting to see why theyve organized the album story this way and why the interlude is there.

메아리 (Love Me Now): oh sexiest opening in this album?? oooh the tropical pan flute thing in the back. this feels like one of those summer songs. I WANT YOU TO LOVE ME NOWOWOWOWOW. ohhh why do they manipulate the voices that way?? SO SUMMERY BUT ITS RAINING OUTSIDE MY WINDOW. whoever falsettoing with haechan *chefs kiss*. the kind of song id vacuum to in my earphones.

우산 (Love Song): SORRY THE BEAT IT STARTED WITH AND I WAS LIKE HELLO IS THIS BRUNO MARKS? ILL RENT A BEACH HOUSE IN MIAMI? WAK UP WITH NO JAMMIES? mmmmmm jaehyun. ooooh i fucking love this song. lots of fun effects in the background with a variety of spacing. 

백야 (White Night): that 90s ass synth. oh yeh. oh oh yeh yeh. serenaaddeeee meeeeeee. zoomzoomzoomzoom.

Not Alone: oh. OH. OH? i love how their voices blend together. its just so gorgeous. WHOSE LOW ASS VOICE WAS THAT. me popping a piece of chocolate in my mouth cause this song genuinely feels so comforting.

Dreams Come True: sexy. love u. oh a light sprinkle of that piano.

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

From Dare, To Love (A Destiel Fanfiction)

CHAPTER TWENTY: “I got an extra side of the bed.”

You know what they say; time flies when you think you're falling in love with Dean Winchester, the adorable and irresistibly handsome football captain who is obsessed with his car and makes a mean pie if you trick him into doing so, and the baddest-reputation-holding guy of your class is trying to make you fall in love with him, on a dare.

They do say that, don't they?

Well, time flew. From an unbelievable first date, which affected Castiel's impression of Dean more than a little bit, they'd gone out several times.

For the second date, Dean took Castiel to the famed Roadhouse. They had their usual pointless banter which always made the both of them smile, and pinches of insightful conversations all mixed up to form a heck of a time.

For the third, Castiel volunteered to plan the date, and ended up taking Dean to his favourite beach restaurant, and after a meal of PB&Js and Pies, they ended up spending most of the night, sitting on the beach, barefoot, digging their toes in the sand, and just talking. Castiel remembered reaching home in the early hours of dawn - they'd left the beach at midnight after the Coast Guard told them off for the fourth time, but spent a little extra time in the solitude of the Impala - and Gabriel pretending to be the overprotective dad which Charles never was.

Things just escalated from there. Dean Winchester seemed lesser and lesser mysterious as they spent hours just talking to each other, but the new charisma was more based on familiarity, his natural flair of words and smiles, and the true Dean Winchester, which hardly anyone knew. Castiel was one who did.

And from the first kiss shared in Castiel's bedroom, things had definitely escalated. Each morning when Castiel took his place in the front seat of the Impala, there was the peck on the lips; each Lunch, be it Dean's table, Castiel's able or some other one where they sat, Dean would attempt to kiss him and Castiel would object, before they were on full frontal display; each afternoon after school, Dean pushed Castiel up against his secluded locker - he was Dean Winchester; of course, he had the corner locker where people seldom drifted - and had his way with Castiel's smiling lips.

It looked to be, and was, a very happy time.

And as for Castiel, he hardly ever thought back about the dare. It was just a fleeting memory from time to time, but he almost always pushed it away, when it threatened to interrupt bliss; or Dean pushed it away, with his overwhelming words or breathtaking smiles. And Castiel somehow knew whenever Dean was lying. If he lied about an affair with Anna in the past embarrassedly, Castiel understood; or when he denied a crush on Daphne from Scooby-Doo, Castiel saw right through it. He was, therefore, sure that all of the possessive gestures, the feeling-filled 'Cas's, and the stolen kisses in everyone's absence but Led Zeppelin's, were not lies. He didn't even stop to think what would happen, if they were. They...just couldn't be.

He didn't want them to be. He liked Dean Winchester. A lot. And he really hoped Dean wasn't kidding when he claimed that he did too.

***

"...and so I'm not talking to that giant moose." Dean ended, his eyebrows furrowed and a frown on his lips, and Castiel smiled bemusedly.

"Dean, it's not that big a deal..." He tried to coax, but was cut off by a glaring Dean.

"Not that big a deal!?" Dean repeated in a high falsetto, which could never have been Castiel, since his voice was deeper than Dean, himself. Castiel desisted from pointing that out, although the expression on Dean's face would've been worth it. "He called my driving reckless, Cas! My driving! The one thing I'm good at!" Castiel decided to skip the part where he corrected him and reminded him that he was good at a lot of other things, like football, cooking, playing the guitar, and so on. "And he didn't just call me reckless! He called my driving reckless! That includes me and Baby! He called Baby reckless!" Dean looked almost hurt.

Castiel sighed. "He didn't mean to call the Impala anything. He just meant to insult your driving skills."

"You really think so?" Dean pursed his lips, affording a small smile, almost like a kid who'd been told that Santa was, in fact, not a lie.

Castiel nodded. "Of course! Sam loves Baby almost as much as you do." Castiel stifled his urge to grin at Dean's boyish reaction to his ridiculous explanation.

"Nobody loves Baby as much as I do, but I guess you're right." Dean appeared to be genuinely contemplating it. "But he did still call my driving reckless, and I'm not gonna forget and forgive."

"I'm sure he apologised..?"

"Only twice." Dean grinned, his dimples popping up. "I need at least a ten 'sorries' and a few-."

"I'd forgotten you Winchesters were sorry-hoarders and sorry-misers." Castiel grinned.

"One of the first things you ever said to me." Dean smiled, his annoyance subsided. "Anyways, how is the new Wayward Sisters doing?"

"Great." Castiel smiled. "Sales are rising as days pass, and dad's been doing lots of book-signings and conventions."

"You know, that series would be perfect for LARPing." Dean shrugged.

"Charlie said literally the same thing yesterday." Castiel grinned back. "You guys are like two peas in a pod."

"You know what they say," Dean winked. "Great minds think alike."

"More like dorks think alike." Castiel chuckled, as Dean pretended he didn't hear him.

"What about Gabriel?" Dean asked suddenly. Ever since their first date, when Castiel had gotten all emotional and said that stuff about his family, Dean had been very empathic about anything concerning it. And since Gabriel was recently contemplating moving back into Paradise, he was loudly supportive of it; for Castiel's sake. It was kinda sweet. "Any eligible renters yet?" He grinned.

"No, not yet." Castiel smiled. "But he'll find someone. It's a freaking large apartment in the best part of the city and furnished by Gabriel to his extravagant tastes."

"True." Dean shrugged. "Maybe I can move in." He offered. "Then, along with being my boss' client's son, you could also be my landlord's brother." He grinned stupidly.

"Seriously?" Castiel had to bite his lip to hide his smile.

"Yeah! You can move in with me. I got an extra side of the bed." Dean smirked.

"Shut up." Castiel frowned back, as Dean laughed at Castiel's deep frown as he swerved into his usual parking spot, reserved for Dean Winchester's Impala. On one side of it was parked Benny's motorcycle, and the other, where usually Jo's Toyota stood, was empty.

"Jo's late today." Dean pursed his lips, as the both of them got out of the car, slinging their bags on their shoulders. "That's unlike her."

"Yeah, she's the only punctual one of your group." Castiel agreed, as Dean rolled his eyes at the jibe. "What? You, as usual, are late even today. I wonder why she isn't here yet."

"It's your dad's doing." Dean grinned. "He wrote such a great book, that Harvelle Publications got a ton of new business and Ellen had lots of work. Jo probably skipped school to help her with something."

"Aren't you being Sherlock Holmes-y today?"

"I'm way more adorable than Cumberbatch." Dean grinned. "I've got fuller cheeks." He added, chuckling.

"It's called a jawline." Castiel laughed. "Natural contour."

"I have a jawline, and natural contour." Dean appeared offended almost, and Castiel almost laughed. "Man, as we get closer and closer, you're beginning to appreciate my devastatingly amazing looks lesser and lesser." Dean squinted his eyes intelligently, as the two of them marched down the hallway towards Castiel's locker.

"Makes you wanna rethink things?" Castiel challenged, with a playful laugh, as they reached his locker, and Castiel opened it with his key in a flourish and begun sorting out books into his bag and vice versa.

"None at all." Dean fixed his gaze on Castiel daringly. "As we get closer and closer, you're getting better and better with your sarcasm, and finding me more and more lovable." He imitated his tone from before.

"What makes you think so?"

"The fact that," Dean licked his lips, as he wrapped his hand around Castiel's wrist, and held him against the lockers, pressing up against him with all of himself. "I can now do this without you complaining about it to the teachers." He leaned in, his eyes teasing Castiel's.

Castiel gulped, unmoving because he couldn't, his face illogically close to Dean's. He felt a shudder run through him. "I never complained to any teacher..." He begun mildly, knowing Dean had only been joking, but still wanting to say something for the sake of it.

"Yeah, because I'm so good at it; You've got no reasons to complain." Dean closed the gap between their lips softly, his arm leaving Castiel's wrist, and wrapping around his waist instead, as he ducked his head for Castiel to reach him more comfortably. Castiel responded thoughtlessly, pressing into the kiss eagerly, his eyelids fluttering shut, as his hand moved up Dean's arm, till it was on Dean's bicep, his other hand clutching onto Dean's AC/DC T-shirt.

Dean was an unbelievably good kisser; it never felt as if one was ever formulating the kiss, and one was letting it happen, they were both equal contenders, always hungry for more after pulling away after one, yet always tender and slow. Dean's kisses made Castiel weak in the knees, and he hoped he wasn't the only one who felt that way; anyways, Dean was always keen on kissing him. Castiel loved kissing Dean Winchester. It was an ethereal feeling, overwhelming excitement, and comfort, and none of the tension which surrounded them before the kiss.

When they finally pulled apart, Castiel pulling away for breath, and Dean taking a step backwards, Dean had an admiring smile on his face. "You're somethi-" His phone rang, interrupting him. He raised it to check the caller dismissively, but his eyes widened when he saw the name on the screen. "U-uh, I need to take this." He hurriedly muttered, pulling away completely, leaving Castiel feeling almost alone. "Be a minute." He added in a rush, before walking away to a corner, and picking up the phone.

Castiel studied Dean for a moment, wondering who the call could've been from, from Dean's agitated expression, and shuffling feet. Then, not wanting to violate his privacy, he returned to his locker, trying his best to not mind the several people who were watching him - the guy who just kissed Dean Winchester again.

When Castiel had finished packing his bag, he slung it on his shoulder again, and turned to Dean, to see if he was done with the phone call. Dean looked like he was finishing up, and Castiel waited patiently, reminiscing on the kiss that happened a few minutes ago, which had Castiel's insides feel like flowing honey and rampaging butterflies.

Dean walked back to Castiel a second later, an inscrutable expression on his face, and a shocked look in his eyes.

"Hi," Castiel cautiously touched Dean's arm. "What was that about?"

"It was..Ellen." Dean muttered, almost haphazardly. "About Jo."

"What's wrong!?" Castiel immediately frowned, his eyes widening. "Is she okay!?"

Dean shook his head, taking short breaths, and visibly tensing with each passing moment. He looked distracted, like his mind was processing a hundred different things at once. "Turns out to be my dad's doing, not yours." He cleared his throat nervously. He looked frantic.

"W-what happened?" Castiel frowned deeper. "Did she meet with an accide-"

"No." Dean cut him off. "She's fine..she's not hurt. Dad just..." His voice trailed off. "Fuck." He murmured under his breath, incapable of articulating himself. Castiel felt Dean stiffen, as he continued to curse under his breath. "Fuck. I gotta go. Cas, I gotta go. I gotta go. Fuck, I need to be there."

"Dean, calm down!" Castiel rushed. "Where are you going?"

"The Bunker.." Dean murmured. "Sam - I'll take Sam with me." He spoke suddenly, as if it suddenly struck him. "He'd wanna know...I'll take Sam." Dean continued to blabber.

"S-Sam will be in the..." Castiel begun, bewildered himself. "In the.."

"I'll find him." Dean completed. "I'll get him. I-I'll catch you later, Cas."

"Hey, are you okay?" He interrupted.

"Yeah, I'm good." Dean hesitated. "I can drive back. It's cool."

Castiel bit his lip worriedly. "Dean, should I come?"

"No." Dean hurriedly shook his head. "It's fine." He forced a smile on his face. "I'm good. I'm fine, okay? I'll just get Sam, and I'll see you later, and - fuck, I just need to g-go."

"I'll tell Coach Singer you had an emergency." Castiel tried, eager to be of some help to Dean in this shockingly moved condition. What could have happened to make him like this!? Was Jo okay!?

"Emergency, yeah." Dean muttered, as he almost sprinted off in the direction of the game room.

Castiel kept staring behind him till he disappeared from the hallway. Then, his mind in turmoil and utter confusion, he begun trudging along to Mathematics.

Was Jo okay? Was Dean going to be okay?

Should he have insisted on accompanying Dean?

Is that what someone who liked him should've done?

He just hoped Dean would return soon, and tell him what happened, and actually be fine. School without him would be boring after their usual routine, and he'd constantly be worried about Jo and Dean. He just wanted Dean to be fine.

He took his place on the second bench. "Good Morning, Ms. Tran."

***

A/N: Hi, wonderful humans! Here’s tags for today’s chapter:

@just-some-supernatural-trash @emmii4 @supernaturaltakeover @thegirlbetweenthewolves @alwaysbringabananatoapartyrose @ohparis @alex-the-trash-master @imabinomialbitch @lucile-carter @suckerfordeansfreckles @firelight789 @frownyfacecas @sama-lam-a @helloimthetrickster @destielsangel @wolffuchs @iamcharliebradburylevelperfect @mishaspuella @theshippinglife4me @matokii95 @speak-only-in-spn-gifs @kassyfreaksout @bowtiesandflannel @xxwinchesterx @19agbrown @winchestergirl-13 @thatsherlockianfangirl @ace-of-black-hearts @rachelehurt @sassysousa @waifukeef @massacnaed @birds-of-forgiveness @binkmoi @wellofwoes @destiel-otp-of-the-lord @mellomish @iankabra @go-live-your-dream-assbutt @leslais @anarchiana @w-ayward @twofacemoon @the-devils-date @destielwinchester09 @cheesecookie @blue-eyed-angel13 @ash-in-a-trash @kemiller2008 @but-for-the-gods-three-days @playfulpanthress @lynriiyah @malmuses @wingedbabyinatrenchcoat @whimsicallywittywillowfairy3 @graves-to-discover @betaken

Remember that I’m still accepting tagging requests, and those of you wish to stop being tagged, I completely understand! Either way, just drop me a message or a comment on this post!

This chapter is dedicated to @destielsangel who’s a great friend of mine, and who just recently read this book on Archives Of Our Own, and who also recommends the best fanfictions ever! Most of my favourites, were suggested by her! She’s an amazing human being, and I always have the best time talking to you! Thank you for everything, and I’m lucky to have found you!

And all of you other readers, stay tuned for another update this very week! Take care of yourselves, and don’t forget to do the things that make you feel good! 

Keep It Sailing!

[mrskylerreviews-blog]

POPPY - AM I A GIRL? (Album Review)

           Only a year after the release of her debut album Poppy.Computer, the singer and ever-growing internet personality Poppy has returned with her second musical effort, titled Am I A Girl? This sophomore record sees our favorite android widening her range in lyrical content and production quality, offering a more polished and extensive view at the world through her sweet, robotic eyes. While her director Titanic Sinclair still had a hand in some of the songs on this album, there are also major collaborations with producers Diplo (owner of the label Poppy is signed to, Mad Decent) and Fernando Garibay (responsible for Lady Gaga’s ‘‘Alejandro’’ back in 2009).

           Am I A Girl? further progresses the narrative of the Poppy character, after the first album basically introduced who she was to the world, and commentated on the presence of technology and the internet in our modern society. This time, Poppy takes us on a more personal ride, as she begins questioning everything about her surroundings, from the reason of her existence on this world, to the fate that might await humanity due to pollution that we have caused ourselves. The first half of the record, though, is focused more on Poppy’s love for fashion, and a sassier and much firmer confidence that reassures the growth of the character. She isn’t a follower of what ‘‘They’’ want anymore. Poppy knows what she’s capable of and even though this album is based on a question that could define her entire life, it also presents her with answers that she may have been asking herself since she first started appearing on Youtube back in 2014.

1.      In A Minute: a solid opener for the album, this track shows a great combination of the material Poppy is known for, and a big step towards this new polished path she will be taking us on. With lyrics such as ‘‘I used to be free willing / Now I got work to do’’, we are presented head-on with the aforementioned confidence and sense of individuality that is to become the running theme throughout the record. Overall, In A Minute works perfect as an introduction to Am I A Girl?

2.      Fashion After All: although the theme of sass and confidence tried real hard to stretch enough for several songs on the album, Fashion After All feels a bit overdone and very easy to skip. While sing-talking about how she’s mother to many and the fact that she is relatable yet scary, the electropop production doesn’t really do its job of grasping the listener, as it sounds not too exciting or like something we haven’t heard before, and the lyrics can get tiring quick.

3.      Iconic: this track attempts a go with the inspiring and ‘‘even if you’re weird, you’re still so cool’’ concept that isn’t at all new for female pop singers. While the lyrics aren’t necessarily the most original and groundbreaking piece of handcrafted artistry, they succeed in delivering an uplifting and feel-good vibe to the listener, with the production matching the joyous energy that is supposed to carry the message. Poppy’s vocals also shift from low tones in the pre-chorus that we haven’t really heard from her before, to sweet and colorful falsettos that we all know and love.

4.      Chic Chick: this track feels like what Fashion After All should have been, and it is honestly a bit surprising that both of them made it on the album. Chic Chick is a punch to the face, with Poppy making it very clear that she’s here to do her business, she is classy yet a handful, and there is nothing you can do about it. Being the only song on the project to have an Explicit warning with the line ‘‘I’m a chic chick / If you don’t like it, suck my d*ck’’, the aggressiveness and the unapologetic tone of this track steers the album towards the right path. The synth guitar solo felt like a very nice touch for adding a bit of edge to the track, as it also suffers a bit of weakness with the electropop production.

5.      Time Is Up: being the lead single of the album, Time Is Up gave us our first glance of what Am I A Girl? was going to be, and we can all agree that the raise in production quality and 80s synth sound that Diplo gave us threw us all for a loop. Not only that, but the lyrics, which narrate Poppy’s perspective of waking up in a factory then realizing mankind is destroying their own home, truly solidify the strength of this track. She is telling us that all we really have achieved during our time on Earth is pollution, overpopulation and causing sickness to the planet, and that once we go extinct due to our irresponsibility, her android body will stay here to witness the aftermath of the mess we made. Time Is Up does an astounding job of delivering a very serious message, while doing so with a sound that is sure to capture the interest of mainstream music listeners.

6.      Aristocrat: this track makes me feel the most reminiscent of Poppy’s work from the Bubblebath EP back in 2016. Produced by Fernando Garibay, Aristocrat is a very theatrical and dramatic telling of how Poppy infiltrated a party in what feels like the late 1700s France, easily capturing the attention of all those who are royal due to her dancing abilities, without realizing that, as she puts it, she ‘‘got there from the gutter.’’ The track is fresh and new for what Poppy usually puts out, while somehow still giving a nod to her earlier musical efforts. Definitely one of the strongest in the album.

7.      Hard Feelings: this is where we start getting that personal inside look on Poppy’s life, and where she becomes more vulnerable with the questions she’s asking about herself, like why she’s falling so hard for her creator if she wasn’t meant to be capable of feeling in the first place. The track opens with some lines in French, asking somebody what they want from her. We see more of the vulnerability when in the pre-chorus she asks ‘‘Am I a replica of someone that you loved? / Someone you made me to replace?’’ Then we get a very interesting touch of heavy rock guitars smoothly blending into the track after the chorus, which reappear with just a bit more intensity during the bridge, without necessarily overpowering the song or ruining the soft honesty the song is meant to portray. Overall, Hard Feelings does its task of presenting Poppy as someone who has more worries than just being chic, and also subtly opens for the surprises that are to come later in the album.

8.      Girls In Bikinis: this track leans more to the failing side of the album, as it feels somewhat unnecessary and honestly quite boring. Sounding like something that would perhaps gain more attention in the late 90s if it were released by any other female phenomenon of pop, the only redeeming quality that Girls In Bikinis might just carry is the bisexual hinting Poppy throws throughout the song. Other than that, it quite frankly sounds nothing like a track we should be getting from her, even if this album is all about expanding and experimenting with sounds.

9.      The Rapture Ball: this is another track that also falls a bit weak, especially with its lyrics. Poppy sings about going to a party and seeing everybody arrive in limousines and dance in gowns, but really she just fails at actually creating a good enough atmosphere for this grand ball that we’re supposed to be intrigued by. Perhaps the line where she states that she never got to go to her prom were meant to give it a more personal touch, but the overall content still feels like it only scratched the surface of its potential. The song in its entirety seems to rely mostly on the one line ‘‘This is the best bang since the big one’’, almost like it’s supposed to be so clever and iconic that we’ll want to sing it over and over and just forget how lacking the end result of everything really is.

10.  Am I A Girl?: Picking up once again after the disappointment of the last two songs is the title track, Am I A Girl?, where Poppy urges the listener to please not try to resolve or define her as either male or female, because she is having a hard time even knowing what it truly means to be either of those. It is a very nice track to hear, starting with the pop sound that we got on the first half of the album, and then hitting us with a hard rock that blends perfectly with the frustration of the message. Poppy is basically declaring war against gender roles and the definition of gender itself, something refreshing to hear for people like me in the LGBT community.

11.  Play Destroy feat. Grimes: this is where things get intense. First off, I simply could not imagine a world where this song would sound any good without Grimes in it. Poppy does add her own edge, and the combination of both these artists’ weirdness is just grand. Grimes is what makes the song though, which is not at all a bad thing. We hear these girls so sweetly announce that they are going to drop a match into a gas tank and burn down the local Walmart, all alongside a heavy rock production, and it’s nearly impossible to not allow them to do so. Then in the bridge Grimes says that she’s dying, with Poppy simply replying ‘‘It’s a Hollywood moment!’’, making fun of the way people there see anything that happens to celebrities as the newest gossip or article for their cheap magazine. In the end, Play Destroy is an absolute masterpiece that truly displays Poppy’s behavioral battle with herself and discovering if she really is the sweet angel she thought she was on her first album.

12.  X: Closing the album is the song that all previous rock attempts were really building up for. Continuing with the theme of going back and forth between wanting peace or wishing to see chaos and destruction in the world, this track goes for a less subtle approach (and it’s perfect). It begins with very heavy guitar, then quickly shifting into a melodic sunshine pop a la Beatles, with Poppy saying she wishes to empty the bullets out of all the guns in the world. But the calm does not last long before we go back into the metal, where we get lines like ‘‘Please get me bloody / You can get down on your knees if you’re naughty’’. A third sudden genre kicks in, this time (believe it or not), it being trap music. The track continues aggressively going back and forth, switching between all these sounds, but cleverly enough as not to get boring or overwhelming. It is definitely new and exciting to see Poppy go and attempt something so out of what she usually gives her fans, and it really could have gone either really well or horribly wrong. Luckily for her (and us), it was the former.

Am I A Girl? is an album that somehow is better when it gets out of the comfort zone of what we know Poppy for, with very nice vocals and a brave refusal to stick to only one genre. It contains very high replay value and it allows Poppy to show fans a new, edgier side that Poppy.Computer might have restrained her from. Hopefully in the future, she continues to explore and experiment in ways that keep being entertaining and interesting.

RATING: 7/10

Favorite songs: Chic Chick, Aristocrat, Time Is Up, Play Destroy, X

Least favorite songs: Fashion After All, Girls In Bikinis, The Rapture Ball

[pisc1s]

Best Albums Of 2018

Happy 2019, everyone!

Another year is officially behind us, and oh boy, what a great year it was for every music lover out there, leaving us with a shit-ton of exceptionally good records to enjoy. With that in mind, of course I had to compile a list containing my ten favourite albums that were released in 2018.

We gotta begin with an honorable mention: Living Proof - State Champs.

I don’t know if you’ll agree with me, but I think records of these sort tend to sound fairly similar between one another, which can get a bit monotone. Nevertheless, State Champs have managed to produce an enjoyable bunch of melodies. Really disappointed the band was forced to cancel their South American tour, if I’m honest, I was really looking forward to seeing them :( 

Dead And Gone is my absolute fave.

Okay, now to the actual list!

10. Sunnyland - Mayday Parade

Last place goes to Mayday Parade’s sixth studio album, Sunnyland. While it may not excel at being innovative both musically and lyrically, I think it’s widely agreed, the record is good enough, presenting a select mix between “angsty” and “soft” songs. This, in my opinion, it’s one the things that makes the pop-punk genre so distinguishable, and appreciated. The best of both worlds - pop and punk. 

Favourite tracks are Piece Of Your Heart and Never Sure.

9. Blue Madonna - BØRNS

Next is androgynous singer BØRNS’ sophomore record, from an entirely different type of music. I would definitely say he’s an underappreciated vocalist, and his work deserves far more attention. Blue Madonna it’s mostly uplifting and with few shortfalls present, such as the collaboration with Lana Del Rey. Other than that, the listener is captivated with the pop-influenced sound and its glam vibe, which combined with BØRNS’ beautiful falsetto produces an almost perfect result. 

Most recommended songs are Faded Heart and Sweet Dreams.

8. The American Dream - Trophy Eyes

Aaaand we’re back to pop-punk! This somewhat obscure Australian band had only gained some popularity a few years back, from the release of their sophomore album, Chemical Miracle. Hence why it might’ve come as a bit of a shock to some people how solid The American Dream is. 

It conveys a feeling of optimism and happiness, with so many bangers like Autumn, Something Bigger Than This, Friday Forever, You Can Count On Me, Lavender Bay… to name a few. A 10/10 album for sure!

7. Love & Loathing - With Confidence

With Confidence is a band that’s very near and dear to my heart, and since I’m very fussy (as you might’ve noticed lol) I was very worried they were not going to be able to top the  m a s t e r p i e c e  that was Better Weather. Sincerely I’m not sure they did, but even so, Love & Loathing is filled with so many unbelievably awesome songs. They just can’t do nothing wrong, can they?! 

It’s hard to have preferences when it comes to one of your favourite bands, but I’d say Jaded and Pâquerette (Without Me) do the best job of portraying the wide range of variety, first one being more upbeat and “punky”, while the latter is more acoustic sounding and makes it easier to value Jayden’s soft and beautiful voice.

6. Little Dark Age - MGMT

It’s likely you’ve heard of this band from one of their most popular songs like Kids, or maybe Time To Pretend, and that’s what most people know them for, but to me they’re so much more than that. They’ve proven yet again, with their newest record, that they’re not just a one-hit wonder. Little Dark Age is their finest work to date, and to be honest, I’m amazed at how it pretty much flew under everyone’s radar. 

Songs like TSLAMP, When You Die, and even the title track are some of my favourites. They have the distinctive MGMT sound, like they’re from a different era, and they sorta portray a psychedelic vibe. Every song in the album makes me feel like I should be at a place like Woodstock maybe, dressed in floral and consuming LSD (lol), yet somehow they still manage to sound current and as something a crowd like Coachella’s would enjoy (not like that’s something to be taken too seriously haha). Very nice, indeed!

5. Youngblood - 5 Seconds of Summer

We’ve come to number 5 on this list, where we encounter 5SOS’ third studio album: Youngblood. Funny enough, this is another band that has a special place in my heart, and I gotta say, I didn’t expect at all the direction they took with their music, it really came as a shock to me. Being more inclined to rockish and heavier sounds myself, a pop influenced album is not something I would usually enjoy. With that being said, Youngblood for me was an acquired taste. The more you listen to it, the more you’ll fall in love with it. Gotta applaud the boys for coming up with so much more of a mature sound, and still managing to stay relevant and top some charts in the process. 

The record presents a perfect mixture of songs, where you have your sad and slow songs, like Lie To Me and Ghost Of You, while on the other hand there’s much more upbeat tracks like Babylon and Talk Fast. There’s something for everyone to enjoy! It seems to me like it would be such an experience in concert, so I can’t wait till I can see them! The best most underrated song is definitely Empty Wallets. 5SOS, stop paying it dust, please!

4. Composure - Real Friends

Not to brag or anything but… I’M SEEING THEM LIVE SOON! AND I HAVE MEET & GREET TICKETS! WHAT EVEN IS LIFE! Okay, let’s get back on track lol. There’s not a single song I dislike of Composure, which is so rare for me. Definitely a solid record from start to finish. Several songs touch up on the topic of mental health, which is always appreciated, as we all know, it is not talked about enough. 

If I had to pick, faves are probably Me First, From The Outside, Composure and Get By.

3. Entertainment - Waterparks

It’s so funny to me, looking back at the same time last year, how I felt sooo different about this record. Somehow, here we are now, labeling it as my top 3 favourite album of 2018, what even. Definitely an acquired taste! 

The best songs for me will always be Peach (Lobotomy) and Lucky People.

2. Pray For The Wicked - Panic! At The Disco

Pray For The Wicked is absolutely deserving of this spot, in my opinion. Not to be dramatic or anything (who, me?) but never in my entire life I have loved an album sooo damn much on the first listen. Probably because it’s exactly my style, exactly what I enjoy most in music: theatrical, over the top, mostly upbeat and Broadway-like. Truly, Panic! At The Disco is an amazing band and Brendon Urie is such a talented man, they’ve been around for 15 years and it seems to me as if they’re becoming more successful everyday. 

I gotta stay true to the first song I loved of the album: Roaring 20s. Then of course, they’re all bangers, so it doesn’t really matter.

1. Beautiful People Will Ruin Your Life - The Wombats

Finally, we’ve arrived to the cherry on top. Wow. Can we please talk about how this band and this album don’t get nearly enough recognition and appreciation?! What even are people doing if they’re not listening to The Wombats on repeat? Is so hard to find the adequate words to describe Beautiful People Will Ruin Your Life, I feel like no matter what I say, it won’t do it justice. Every single song is so beautifully crafted, exceptionally composed, lyrically and instrumentally, just perfect. The music suits any occasion, I can listen to it if I’m feeling down and it cheers me up, if I’m unmotivated it gets me to do stuff, if I’m happy it makes me wanna dance, if there’s no one else with me it makes me feel less lonely. I don’t wanna get too sappy so I’ll just leave it at that haha. They need to come to South America asap, the thought of never being able to see them live makes me so miserable :(

Not to be that bitch who only appreciates the singles, but Turn is my absolute favourite. Clever lyrics accompanied by beautiful instrumentals. 10/10.

Bonus:

Ya thought we were done? Nah fam, just before I go, gotta give a quick shout to two of my absolute favourite bands and their masterpiece of EPs they released last year. Go give them a listen, I promise you won’t be sorry!

1981 Extended Play - IDKHOW

Ann - The Front Bottoms

:-)

[deathsteel]

This Ain't a Scene Its a Goddamn Drag Race

~Part 3~

The response was almost Pavlovian, all five of the queens’ heads turned in sync to look at the large television mounted near the staircase that Gabby liked to make her entrances on. Kevin let out a little squeak of joy before he tossed down his tweezers and started the mad scramble of the queens to the little ‘X’ that had been taped on the floor by the production crew to mark where the contestants should stand.

Castiel remembered when they had first started all of this the fourteen original queens had jostled and elbowed each other viciously for a spot up front where the cameras could see them, now he and the others just aligned themselves in a ragged semi-circle. With every elimination it felt more and more like they were being lined up to be executed or maybe he was just being dramatic.

The mounted television flared to life with an empty glaringly pink background before Gabby’s image was seen marching onto the screen from the left hand side, doing a sharp turn to face the camera that made her signature honey blonde beehive wobble just a bit on the top of her head.

‘Ten-hut, ladies! It’s time to slap on your war paint and get down to business. Betta make sure your Louboutins are spit shined and your weaves are stitched in tight ‘cause ‘don’t fuck it up’ is about to become F.U.B.A.R. So look alive soldier, the time for pussy footin’ around is oh-ver.’

The video ended with Gabby arching a shrewd eyebrow before she smirked and then burst into those distinctive giggles of hers and the screen faded to black.

“What the...are we sodding enlisting or something?” Balthazar muttered loud enough for his microphone to pick up, but soft enough to still sound as if he was just thinking out loud.

It was all strategy, every move the queens made or thought they voiced aloud and Castiel knew that in the end it would all be chopped together in the editing booth to make someone into the villain for America to hate and someone else into a victim. Castiel still felt like Holly Cummunion was on a see-saw, like if he pissed off one more producer they would make him look like the world’s biggest bitch and god if he lost this….well, then what? Then he’d be single, broke, and worst of all unpopular.

He could hear the other queens murmuring to themselves or each other about what Gabby’s message could possibly mean, but Castiel had a feeling that today at least they wouldn’t have to wait too terribly long for their host to show up to break it down for them. Time to turn on Holly.

“Well, helllooo, ladyboys,” Gabby’s melodious voice rang out in greeting (still carrying a hint of that Nashville twang despite the host’s years of living on the west coast).

The host was defrocked, dragged down to his street attire like he always was during the mini-challenges and when Gabby decided to take a turn around the workroom to offer the queens tidbits of advice. That didn’t mean that the other man wasn’t looking stylish as fuck; with his chin length golden brown hair slicked back and a pair of fashionable black framed glasses perched on his nose, Gabby looked every inch the sinful professor in his dark purple suit, paisley print waistcoat, anda heather grey dress shirt that made the subtle streaks of silver in the host’s hair look dapper instead of depressing.

“Hello, Gabby!” The queens replied back sort of in unison, they were getting better at it with each passing episode.

Gabby descended the stairs, regal as anything, before giving the queens his most sparkling, pageant-winning smile. “Now, I’m sure you’re all gagging to hear what we have in store for you and kittens, I hope you had your Wheaties this morning because today you’re going to...drag booty camp.”

Inwardly, Castiel groaned because he was hungover and his morning run had already taken just about everything out of him, but outwardly Holly cooed excitedly along with Kim who was standing at her side. Kim gave an excited little shimmy, and fuck Holly wished she had the energy of a twenty year old again.

“Oh, Pit Crew!” Gabby called, cupping his hands around his mouth as he called for Sam and Zeke who were regular fixtures in most of the mini and elimination challenges.

The host clapped his hands excitedly when the two tall, well-muscled men appeared looking like they had just been slathered with baby oil all over their bodies except for the black Saxx briefs they were wearing. And honestly those didn’t leave too terribly much to the imagination. Sam’s hair was swept up into an artfully messy bun on top of his head and Zeke’s was just tousled enough that it didn’t distract from his light scruff on his face.

By now the queens were so used to the two men, having gotten to know them on a personal level that flirting with them was just weird, but that didn’t stop them from doing some appreciative whistles for appearances sake when the pair came through a set of swinging doors at the end of the working room pushing a rack of pink outfits on hangers.

“As you can see, the boys have been nice enough to put together some outfits for you ladies for booty camp,” Gabby continued as Sam and Zeke rolled the cart to a stop a couple of feet away from the contestants before going to stand casually on either side of the host. All their muscles were flexed, so really...it wasn’t that casual. “And of course you’ll be wearing heels from my own line of Iron Angel shoes and bras from BreastForm.com because you can’t go to battle without a good stiletto and a pair of bazookas. Am I right?”

God, it was the cheesiest joke. But of course they all laughed because it was a joke told by Gabby fuckin’ Reale. One made sure to laugh at all of mother’s jokes.

“Chop-chop, girls,” Gabby said, snapping his fingers in a Z-formation to get the queen’s attention once more. “Get dressed ‘cause booty camp waits for no one.”

Holly let herself be mostly pushed towards the rack of clothes and shoes by Kim who seemed way more enthusiastic for the mini-challenge than anyone had any right to be. She snatched off a hanger that had a sweatband with the name ‘Holly Cummunion’ stitched on it in lurid curlicues and claimed the heels that were placed on a low platform beneath it that just happened to be in her size, 11.

“Oh my god, I was not in the mood for a tuck today!” Tasha exclaimed, waving around the barely there pink, spandex booty shorts that accompanied every one of the queen's outfits. “Even God rested on the seventh day.”

Weirdly enough Eva snorted at that and much like her male alter-ego, Luc, Eva was not one to do much other than be catty, standoffish, and sulk. “Girl, did you just compare your dick to God?”

“Well, if it don’t get some time to breathe soon then he’s gonna be meeting his maker for sure, honey,” Tasha explained, stripping out of her street attire which honestly wasn't that much different than the outfit the queens were supposed to be wearing for the mini-challenge.

“Fuck, I didn’t shave my legs this morning,” Dianne cursed as she dug through her trunks of clothes presumably for some hosiery.

“Just put some leggings on,” Kim advised the other queen, tugging a pair of wrinkled, grey tights out of her makeup case. “All of our legs are gonna be put to shame by Holly Thunderthighs anyway.”

Holly just smirked to herself because yea, she did have some pretty great fucking legs and at least she had remembered to shave her legs this morning even if she hadn’t had time to shave her face.

“I look like my mother,” Eva announced loudly, causing the distracted queens to look up from where they were stuffing and tucking themselves into the various pieces of their outfits. The other queen was wearing several pairs of nude hosiery along with her heels and tiny shorts and just her bra that had been pre-stuffed with rubber breast forms.

“Poor woman,” Holly replied before anyone else could because really it was just too good of an opportunity to mess with Eva to pass up.

The older queen sneered at Holly in the reflection of the mirror before going back to looking at her chest, giving a little bounce on her toes to make the rubber jiggle.

Holly scoffed at her rival before reaching back to tug her shirt over his head, mindful of the tape on her back that was holding her microphone pack in place. She debated the pros of doing an actual tuck as she shucked her pants and briefs in one go, uncaring of the film crew meandering around the room or the other queens seeing her nudity. Being in the workroom was a lot like being in a high school locker room, generally unsexy unless you were watching badly scripted porn.

“Ten minutes ladies!” Gabby called from where he casually leaned against the bannister of the staircase talking to Sam.

Swearing under her breath, Holly did probably the hastiest tuck of her career; getting her gaff mostly in place before maneuvering her balls up in a way that wouldn’t be excruciating and pulling her dick back between her legs and pulling up the gaff up the rest of the way to hold the whole package in place. Taking advantage of her newly shaven legs, she opted for a pair of shapewear panties instead of tights to keep her gaff from falling down her decidedly unfeminine hips and then quickly threw on the rest of her provided outfit sans shoes which she carried to the mirror with her so she could slap on some lipstick before she ran out of time completely.

“Shit, my titty!” Kim cursed, frantically wiping at the left side of her tank top where her eyeliner had apparently gotten away from her while she had been trying to apply it one handed, using the others to adjust her slightly dingy looking tights.

“Oh honey,” Holly replied sympathetically, in her beleaguered Southern belle falsetto, for the sake of the cameras hovering around them of course. “Bless your heart, you’re just a hot fucking mess.”

“Holly, haaaalp,” Kim whined piteously enough to cause Holly to pause in her own lipstick application to rifle into the gigantic toolbox that served as her makeup case, pulling out a Tide To-Go stick and tossing it to the younger queen with just a raised eyebrow in response to her thanks.

“One minute girls!” Gabby called, letting his fingertips tiptoe lazily across Sam’s abs with a sigh before moving back to his own assigned ‘X’ that was taped on the floor.

“Guess that’s gonna have to be good enough,” Holly muttered to herself, swiping her pinky along the thin wings she’d just painted onto the corners of her eyes before popping her headband messily into place over her natural hair and rushing back to the lineup with her shoes in hand.

“Alright my dah-lings,” Gabby said, ignoring the fact that Holly was basically tripping into her shoes and that Tasha was still flipping a wig onto her head while Eva continued to fondle her own breast forms. “Now that you’re all ready for battle I have a special guest who has a little bit more experience with drilling things then I do. Please welcome Marine Corps Sergeant Benoit “The Bear” Lafitte.”

[clownbukkae]

A Quiet Day in the Park

The title is a gotdamn lie. You have been deceived. PennywisexReader nsfw but no actual sex. But it is still pretty hot. Big thanks to @floating-catastrophe for the prompt and to @pimmelwise for keyboard smashing compliments at me. I apologize for any spelling mistakes but I’ve been drinking and it’s a wonder I can even read at this point. 

You weren’t the biggest fan of cold weather, but you appreciated the stillness the change of seasons seemed to bring. Even with the dogs barking at every fat squirrel that ran by, even with the howling laughter of the children on the nearby monkey bars, everything seemed muted and relaxed. The air was crisp and easy to breath, making you willing enough to put on a jacket and walk to the park. Summer was fun, but the heat could be tiring. The slight chill seemed to energize you.

You sat on a bench and looked at the changing leaves, the red and yellow and the few remaining green leaves coalesced into fantastic sculptures. An elderly woman with a plain brown scarf wrapped around her head sat quietly across the path from you and fed a group of pigeons at her feet as they gently cooed their thanks. You felt at peace for the first time in a long time.

How foolish of you to think that would last.

You felt a hand slide underneath each of your breasts before coming up to cup them and give them a slight squeeze. With a sharp yelp, you twisted around, almost falling off the bench. Instead of coming face to face with your attacker, you saw the dogs running around the fenced in area of the park. You had either imagined your assault or...

You silently cursed. Just one day, no, one hour was all you asked. All you wanted to do was relax for an hour. You could see that being a long time for, say, a new puppy, but a creature as old as time itself should be able to entertain themselves for an hour without tormenting you.

You turned back around and the elderly lady had stopped distributing seed to her posse and she regarded you with a concerned, grandmotherly face.

“Are you ok, Dear?” She asked.

“Yeah, I just, uh, got a bad splinter,” you explained before putting your finger in your mouth to suck out the imaginary splinter.

That seemed to be a perfectly good excuse for her, and she resumed her work. You started to stand up to leave, but a mess of red hair caught your eye and stopped you. Slowly, as though on an invisible elevator, Pennywise rose up from behind the pigeon lady and stood, towering over her.

“Did you get pricked by a big, hard piece of wood?” Pennywise asked in a mocking falsetto tone.

You could run. You could run out of the park after screaming like an idiot and attract all sorts of attention to yourself. Or you could sit quietly for a bit longer and then walk out of the park like nothing was happening. You stayed seated, ready for anything the clown was going to throw at you.

Pennywise reached down and wrapped one hand around the octogenarian’s mouth.

“Do you wanna watch old Pennywise fuck his little toy in the park?” He asked the women, who remained oblivious to his presence. He moved her lower lip up and down like he was making a puppet talk.

“Yes Mr. Pennywise, I want to see you fill that little slut up right in front of everyone,” he responded in the ridiculous falsetto again.

You panicked slightly. You wouldn’t put something like that past him, and there were so many children out today.

Pennywise roared with laughter and let the woman’s face go before walking to the side of the bench. He gripped the side and began thrusting his hips into the open air.

“I can bend my little toy over the bench and have my way with them! And all the people in the park can watch as a fill them over and over again! And they can cry out ‘what a slut! Look at the clown’s slut being used like she should be! Look at her arched up like a cat in heat! Fucking outdoors for all too see!’”.

You couldn’t recall a single time in your life that was more humiliating than this. No one but you could see or hear him, true, but your shame came from your arousal. You didn’t actually want him to fuck you out for everyone in the town to see, but that disgusting, delicious talk of being used made you feel warm despite the autumn weather.  

“How does that sound to you, slut?” Pennywise continued. “How would you like for everyone here to know how far my tongue can go inside of you? Do you want them all to see how your eyes roll back in your head while I’m deeper in that little pussy than anyone has ever been? Do you want me to hold you open so they can see me dripping out of you?”

Your face was hot and you could only imagine how red it was. You stood up nonchalantly and started walking as casually as you could out of the park.

Pennywise followed behind you, banging a wooden spoon against the bottom of a pot as he yelled his obscenities. Where the fuck does he always get those things from?

“Hear ye, hear ye! Here goes a slut off to get fucked! Can you smell how wet she is? I can! For a nickel a go, you can fuck her too! Fill her up and move aside for the next one!”

He continued to bark like a carnival game operator until you had made it out of the park. You were humiliated, by his words, your arousal, and the tears streaming down your face. You were a bit of a walk away from your house, but you were on an empty bike trail that cut threw a cluster of trees and you felt less exposed even though there was nothing stopping him from dragging you back to that bench.

Two gloved hands slinked around your hips and held you in place. A long tongue slithered past your ear and licked up the rivulet of tears slowly.

“Did Pennywise hurt the little slut’s feelings?” He cooed in mock concern. You whimpered.

He spun you around and stared at you with a toothy grin. You didn’t say anything. You couldn’t lie and tell him that you wanted him to leave you alone, and if you became indignant he might take it upon himself to teach you a lesson.

“Dumb little human,” he hissed before bringing his face down to yours so your noses were touching.

“When have I ever shared my toys?”

[scribblindown]

I hope you don't mind, but as a lesbian, I'd like to imagine how it wpuld fit in the ffxv universe. How would each of chocobros react to their crush rejecting their offer on a date bc they're actually a lesbian? Bonus points if Aranea is on the party and they notice she has a crush for the dragoon lady :)))

I’m a bit excited and nervous to tackle this! This would be pretty redundant because all of the Chocobros are smart boys who understand that love is love, but enjoy! 

Noctis:

He was really awkward when he found out that there was going to be a girl traveling with them, but he eventually grew closer to you, and started to have feelings for you. 

But even though he pins after you, he would be too shy to do anything about this crush, and just spends the road trip in awkward silence. You don’t know his puppy love, but just about everyone else and their mom knows about it. 

The boys would tease him relentlessly, and would continue to tell him to ask you out, but he would be stubborn and remain silent. 

During camp one day, Gladio, Prompto, and Ignis would act really strange and say things like, “That one stall worker thought that you and Noct would make a cute couple,” or, “What’s your type of guy?“ 

Eventually you would just deadpan and say, “Guys, I’m gay." 

Everyone would have the initial shock at first, but would accept it right away. 

Noctis would feel very upset at first, not because he doesn’t accept you for who you are, but because his feelings wouldn’t go anywhere now. It would take longer for him to basically understand that you were lesbian, but only because he liked you romantically at one point. He’d probably avoid you for a couple of days, making you wonder what you did wrong. 

He wouldn’t hold anything against you, and the more time he spends with you, his emotions towards you become more of a sibling love. 

He accepts you for who you are, but he doesn’t have the strongest grip on the LGBTQ+ community, so he’s a bit clueless about it. You’d probably have to school him about your sexuality every now and then. 

He would definitely be the friend that is like, "I met another lesbian today.”“…”“So I told her about you." 

Prompto: 

Okay, first of all, look at this boy and tell me that he’s not the slightest bit homosexual. 

Don’t you see the way he smacks Noct’s royal booty? 

Prompto’s crush on you definitely stems from admiration.

When he finally tells you that he likes you and he’d like to take you on a date, you’d feel so bad because the thought of hurting Prompto makes my heart ache. 

"Oh, uh, I’m sorry, I really like you too, and I’d love to go on that photography drive with you, but only as a friend." 

He’d immediately turn red to his ears and start apologizing to you for beng so direct. 

"No! No! It’s not you! I’m just attracted to women!" 

Oh.

…OH.

Prompto would feel a bit sad about you rejecting him, but that’s only because rejection hurts no matter what, but rest assured, he loves you all the same, but this time it’s just platonically. A bit of surprise would show on his face, but other than that it’s not an extravagant reaction. 

It would be as if nothing has ever changed, Prompto is very open-minded, cool, and supportive with people’s sexuality. 

"I understand!” he says with a smile. “I just wish you told me sooner!" 

He has a good understanding of the LGBTQ+ community, both by definition and emotionally, so you are completely casual and comfortable around him. He’ll understand when you rant to him. 

Prompto rarely gets angry, but he’ll get very visibly upset when homophobic people give you shit for who you are. He’ll be there to defend you right away. 

If anything, coming out to Prompto only makes you two closer! 

Gladio: 

"It’s a beautiful day in Galdin Quay, isn’t it?" "It sure is,” you say.“Then how about we get a couple of drinks together? Just you and me—It will be a date." 

It takes you a while to understand what he’s trying to say. 

"Oh…Oh! Gladio, I’d still get drinks with you, but you should know that I’m a lesbian." 

He’d just stare at you for a while, and it makes you a bit nervous, since he has such an intense gaze. You would worry about him accepting you in those few seconds. 

Then he bursts out laughing and you get confused. 

"That makes so much sense!” He would give you a slap on the back strong enough to send you bowing over. 

Don’t get insulted though, he’s mostly laughing at himself for not catching on earlier.

Other than that, nothing would really change between the two of you, other than being more casual about sexual jokes around each other. 

He wouldn’t feel bad about your rejection and takes it in stride, it’s not like he, and anyone else for that matter, can do much about who you like anyway. 

He’s very nonchalant about it, but if someone insults you he’d get angry. Start-a-fight-right-now angry. You’d probably have to hold him back. 

It would be great if you two were into the same type of girl. 

“She’s pretty hot,” he’d comment about a girl walking by in the streets of Insomnia. You lean over. “She is." 

The two of you compete to see who can get her phone number first. 

Ignis:

"If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to take you out on a date tomorrow." 

You’d pause for a while, because this is the Ignis asking you out on a date. You didn’t even know that he liked you like that. 

"Oh, uh, I’m sorry, Ignis, but I can’t go on that date with you—I like girls." 

He wouldn’t react much at all. He’d go silent for a couple of seconds, then fix his hair or push up his glasses. 

"I…I see…I just don’t understand why you never brought this up before." "Well, it’s not like who I choose to sleep with really has anything to do with protecting the prince." 

He’d be very stiff around you for a while, but eventually realizes that his actions might make you sad, but he tells you that he’s still just processing this. It isn’t everyday that Ignis asks a girl out on a date. 

He takes note of your sexuality and researches more on it. 

When time passes, and the occasion comes by, he’ll ask you questions about it. Like when did you realize that you were lesbian, or what are the reactions of certain people. 

He’s just a very supportive mom. 

But guy or girl, he’ll lecture you about safe sex and fuss over you whenever you leave for a date and come home from one . 

"Sexually transmitted diseases can kill, kids." 

Aranea: 

This was embarrassing, degrading, and terrifying, and your knees were quaking just thinking about it. Arenea stood several meters in front of you, her back turned as she threatened talked to one of the workers posted at the edge of the now empty Nif base. “Hidden” several meters behind you were your friends, and in response to your helpless look, they sent an encouraging one back. 

Gladio gave you a thumbs up while Prompto held up his camera to capture the moment you would finally confess. After you had come out to them, they noticed that you had a not-so-secret on Aranea this entire time, something that they passed off as sheer nerves from her assertive personality. They teased you relentlessly about your crush on her, but eventually told you that either you told her, or they would. Aranea wasn’t going to hang around your party for much longer anyway. 

So here you were, heart beating so quickly that you were positive that you were going to die of a heart attack. You wondered if you should just bolt now, run away and change your name before you could embarrass yourself. You could face monsters without a blink of an eye, but you were having trouble breathing just looking at the dragoon lady herself. You almost wanted to cry. Sure, you knew that you liked girls, and there were girls now and then that piqued your interest, but never before had you liked someone as much as you liked Aranea. 

Finally, she turned around, and raised a dainty eyebrow at your strange arrangement. With you terrified as hell and with the boys “hiding” behind a bush several meters behind you, she knew something was up. 

“Uh, kid, are you alright? Maybe you should go see a doctor or something, your face is kinda red,” Aranea said as she walked closer. To your demise, she leaned in closer to your face. 

“I..! Uh…I mean…” you choked. You turned back to the boys and gave them a helpless look that just screamed, “Help me!” 

“Oh Aranea, my forever girl! Will you go on a date with me?!” Prompto yelled across the field in a high falsetto.

You gave him a betrayed look and mouthed, “What?!” across the field. He gave you a helpless shrug back. 

“So that’s what this is about,” Aranea said, her voice smooth as silk. You were afraid to turn around. Once you did, you saw her with a hand on her hip and a smug smirk towards you. “Blondie over there is quite a wingman. Sure, you’re kinda cute. I’ll go on a date with you.” 

“What?” you weren’t even sure if you were hearing her correctly. 

“I’m free tomorrow night if you’re up for it.”. You weren’t even sure what was happening. You let out a small squeak as you nodded.. “Great. I’ll see you around, kid.”

Just as she left you with a smirk, she gave your bottom a light smack that made you stiffen up like a board. A loud scream escaped your lips. Over the pulsing in your ears, all of the boys yelled out in victory. 

Side Quest: 

Get [Name] a date with the Dragoon is now completed. 

[lukes-writing]

Chapter 9: Officially Founded

Project introduction | Previous chapter | Next chapter

Word count: 1900 Warnings: Profanity, bullying

September 24th, 4:02 PM, Heap of Ashes, Trinity Gate

“Oh, take a look, Limpin’ Park is back,” Sienna gives the man a bitter grin.

Parker rolls his eyes. “I hoped that nobody would come with this fucking nickname ever again.”

Whisper giggles. “Limpin’ Park? You’re a genius, Sienna.”

“Ya find it funny?” Parker lashes out. “Okay, that means I’m also entitled to give nicknames. What about Rolling Stoner, does it sound funny to you? I’m standing ten meters away from you and I can already smell the weed from your clothes.” Then he points at Gary. “Fatfro. Funny, right? And you?” He turns to Sienna. I’m gonna call you Museum since everyone has been inside you, but they rarely come back.”

Sienna gasps for breath - Parker’s remark hit her sensitive spot.

The support comes from an unexpected source.

“Shut the fuck up, Parker!” Gary shouts - it’s the first time anyone heard his voice being more than a whimper. Flies start to swarm around the man who is giving Parker an intimidating look even though he’s severely disadvantaged.

Parker takes several menacing steps towards Gary. “Were you permitted to speak, Fatfro?” he spits out. He faces Gary and it looks rather ridiculous since Parker is literally almost half a meter taller than Gary. Parker gives Gary a shove, forcing him to stumble backward. “Don’t open your mouth at me ever again.”

“That’s enough,” the team hears a voice coming from the chapel. They turn around to see Wiccan Salisbury with his hands folded on his chest and disgusted look on his face.

“But they…” Parker starts to excuse himself.

“I don’t care!” Wiccan barks; Whisper has rarely seen him this angry. “What I saw was bullying and threatening. And those are things I can never tolerate. Not when you’re a part of one team.”

Parker cackles. “This whole team can kiss my ass.”

Wiccan approaches the four. “Right now, I have a strong urge to cancel this experiment and find a brand new set of people who are able to work as a team,” he says, walking around with hands behind his back. “But I suppose most of you want to do this job and are able to take it responsibly.”

Sienna dares to speak. “Sir, Parker is the biggest problem here. I have no problems cooperating with Whisper and Gary. But this man is just…”

Wiccan looks at her with raised eyebrows. “I suppose you’ve heard the saying that a chain is as strong as its weakest link. Pushing Parker away won’t make you a better team.” Then he turns to Parker. “However, your behavior is unacceptable. That thing with Museum was really nasty. I can no longer call you a man after I heard you telling something like this to a lady.”

For the first time, Parker looks somehow humiliated.

“Okay, let’s get inside,” Wiccan sighs. “We have a lot to discuss.”

The team once again steps in the conference room. The tension between them is still noticeable. Parker, Sienna and Gary keep exchanging venomous looks. Whisper also reacts to the change of atmosphere - she loses her whimsical carelessness and her usually bright eyes lost their light.

Sienna remembers how Whisper talked about being able to sense energies. If she’s really this sensitive, the scene must have drained her to the core. Gone is the girl who gave her the playful kiss yesterday.

Ophelia and Kirlian are already waiting for them. This time, Kirlian is vesseled into a store mannequin with several working joints, enough to allow him to sit like a human. His vessel is dressed in a T-shirt and jeans and it has no face, only a smooth, blank head.

“God, this is creepy,” Whisper greets him. “I liked you better when you were Obi-Wan.”

“This is probably the closest to a human form I can get,” Kirlian replies. “I know some people find it unsettling. I will vessel into something different once the meeting is over.”

“What’s the matter?” Ophelia asks Wiccan after he takes a seat next to her. She is sensitive to the slightest shifts in her husband’s mood and she also senses when he is angry or disconcerted.

“It’s nothing, I just caught them bickering a little,” Wiccan replies. Then, when the whole team pays attention to him, he starts his speech. “Here is something from the Capital Branch,” he says, handing every team member a card similar to an ID. “Your official Enforcer identity cards.”

Sienna carefully examines the card she received. It contains her photo, birth date, gender, just usual things you can find on an ID. The only unusual thing is a box which reads RACE. The answer is, obviously, Human. She is let down a bit. She expected something… fancier.

She turns the card around. There she finds a picture which is supposed to depict a simplified dreamcatcher made of circles, lines and triangles. Next to it, there is another box of text:

The wielder of this pass, Sienna Joy Corwin, is officially authorized to work for The Society as a member of Team Dreamcatcher. The wielder is authorized to act in the name of The Society and use restraining and lethal forces if necessary. Anyone who displays violent behavior against any official Enforcer will be punished according to the inhuman law.

“That’s cool,” Sienna grins. “A permission to kill.”

“These passes give you authority, bigger than you can imagine,” Wiccan explains. “But, as you probably know, responsibility goes hand in hand with it. Members of The Society are respected everywhere, but you will also be under constant supervision of the Capital Branch. If you ever misuse your authority or abuse it, it won’t end well for you. And those aren’t just empty threats.”

“I got it,” Whisper says, looking reverently at the ID card. Parker just tucks it into his wallet without any sign of thrill or any other emotion.

Wiccan then turns to Kirlian. “And about you. Since you change your physical forms often, you once again have to pick one of your teammates which will carry the card for you.”

“I choose Whisper,” Kirlian says without hesitation and the mannequin’s head turns to the girl. She blushes, flattered by this gesture. Wiccan hands her Kirlian’s card and Whisper takes a look at it. There is no photo and the race is listed as Idean.

Also, his name is listed as 𐠑𐠴𐠴𐠖𐠫𐠜𐠜𐠓 “Kirlian”. Whisper comes to a conclusion this is a way to transcribe the mysterious Idean language.

“Congratulations,” Wiccan spreads his arms. “Team Dreamcatcher is now officially founded and can start its job in the inhuman law enforcement.”

“That’s all?” Sienna asks. “Isn’t there some kind of… initiation ceremony?”

Wiccan laughs. “Do you think we’re some kind of Freemason’s lodge? If you want to throw some kind of party, you can, but make sure to invite me.”

“I suppose there will be some kind of training now!” Whisper says.

“You read too much. There’s no need for training.”

“What?” Sienna scowls. “So you’re just gonna throw us in the water and let us sink or swim? When we know nothing about those… inhumans? It could cost us our lives!”

Wiccan gestures towards the library in the room. “There. You can find everything about inhumans in the library. You will be also granted access to the digitized version. And you have Kirlian who has some experience in this business. No worries, you will be alright.”

“You’re joking, right?” Whisper’s voice ascends into falsetto.

The man sighs. “Okay. All of you have some kind of special power or talent, right?”

The whole team nods.

“And do you know how to use it?”

Another nod.

“So why the fuck would you need training? You can hone these skills in private if you feel they need improvement. And also… no offense, but most of you could use some physical exercise. Consider a gym. The main thing is: what you need to improve can’t be just taught the way you learn, for example, a martial art. Only going through some things together can teach you that.”

“And what is it?” Sienna asks.

Wiccan gives them a scolding look. “You really have no idea?”

Of course they do. They remember the scene from just a while ago. Sure, Parker poured the most fuel into the conflict, but the others got carried away and fanned its flames. “Teamwork,” Sienna whispers. “We are going to fail if we keep arguing and segregating members of our team.”

“I’m glad you realized,” Ophelia speaks, keeping a serious expression on her face. “When Team Menhir assembled, we quickly became friends. Wiccan and I were already dating. Tara was that type who befriends everyone. And when it comes to Kazuki and Kirlian… we got used to them soon, even though it was a bit of a shock for us. However, it seems you are a different story.”

Guilt appears in the faces of the team members. Even Parker’s.

“I know it’s hard to just create a group of four people and one being which isn’t even human and immediately expect them to act like a team, but your start is so far the worst.”

“He started it!” Sienna points her finger at Parker.

Ophelia stands up, menacingly looming above the Team Dreamcatcher. “Now answer me this,” she speaks, her voice getting even deeper and darker than usual. “Are you new members of a secret society which protects one of the mankind’s biggest secrets? Or are you school children on the playground who blame each other for petty things? If you feel like the first, then act like it. All of you. Every argument needs two sides, remember?”

She lets her words sink in.

“Every little quarrel between you can cost you life in action,” she adds. “Only a few chosen ones can become a part of The Society. It’s a privilege, not some kind of weekend hobby. The rewards for doing this job are handsome, but The Society also asks for something in return.”

“Got it,” Parker says reluctantly. “I admit I was probably overreacting. I will try not to act like a dick, but no promises,” he gives a crooked smile, then he turns to Gary. “Sorry for shoving you.”

“I...it’s okay,” Gary says, but doesn’t look Parker in the eyes.

Wiccan raises his eyebrows. “There’s one more person who would welcome your apology.”

Parker looks at Sienna. Unlike Gary, she returns his look with a steady gaze of her blue eyes. The two look at each other for some time with mixed feelings. “Sorry,” Parker finally says. “Gotta admit, that thing I said to you was pretty hardcore even for my standards.”

“Accepted,” Sienna replies curtly.

“Good,” Wiccan nods his head; even though the tension between the two didn’t cease, it’s a good start. “Maybe there’s some man in you after all. But now, I have a surprise for you. I said there’s no initiation ritual, but it’s actually not true. There is one thing new teams do. Since you have your passes now, you can take a look around the inhuman enclave for the first time.”

Author’s Note

I wholeheartedly thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and if you did, please leave a comment, send me a message or share and let more people know about this story! You can also consider a small donation at www.paypal.me/lukassladky. Have a great day and stay tuned for the next chapter!

[ohstylesno]

Harry Styles - Harry Styles - A lil review

Meet Me in the Hallway: 2, 3, 4… Love the soft, strumming guitar and Harry’s longing and haunting vocals. Just the way his voice breaks on the word “hallway”... So helpless-sounding and heartfelt. Ugh. Love that as the song nears its end, the instruments are stripped away one by one, and in the end there’s just one guitar and Harry’s voice, and then there’s just Harry’s voice holding that last note. Damn good, and a very clever choice. This song could last an hour long and I still would have to press "replay" over and over again.

Stand-out lyrics: “We don’t talk about it, it’s something we don’t do. ‘Cause once you do without it, nothing else will do.”

“Hoping you’ll come around, just let me know, I’ll be on the floor.”

Sign of the Times: Full-on-flush. I’ve talked about my love for this song many a time since it came out, so I’m moving on. (But I think it’s absolutely gorgeous and one of my faves.) 

Carolina: This song feels so old-school and cool. I was immediately struck by that thick bass throughout this song, LOVE it. Love the falsetto parts. Love the oh-yeah parts. Mayyyybe my least fave song on the album, but it’s still SOLID.

Stand-out lyric: “There’s not a drink that could sink her, how would I tell her that she’s all I think about? Well I guess she just found out”

Two Ghosts: Right away, the melody and harmonies… so lush. The acoustic guitar is so lovely, and I love the tone of the electric guitar on top - it almost sounds like it’s crying. This song gives me CNSY and Ryan Adams vibes, which I love, like it just breathes and moves in a really similar and nice way. Cool lil detail: The way he enunciates the ‘t’ in heartbeat at the end.

Stand-out lyric: “We’re just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty. Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat.”

Sweet Creature: A little Beatles-esque gem of a tune. This is such a soothing and flowy song, and his vocals match the tone perfectly. It’s warm-sounding and simple, and I love that he’s left a little air in this one. It feels organic and just sweeeet. And I love sweet.

Stand-out lyrics: “I always think about you and how we don���t speak enough. “ “Running through the garden, where nothing bothered us.”

Only Angel: Love the calming opening, which drags you into this really eerie and calming musical landscape. You’re ready to set up camp and hang out for a bit, and then Harry’s scream just rips you the fuck out of it. WAY to start a song, haha. Heavy guitar, the screams, the clapping, the background vocals, love it all. Such a colorful song. It’s red and blue at the same time. Tall and short at the same time. It’s pulsing, the beat is sick and his deep timbre gives me shivers..

Stand-out lyrics: “Couldn’t take you home to mother in a skirt that short, but I think that’s what I like about it.” 

“Broke a finger knocking on your bedroom door.”

“I must admit I thought about making you mine.”

Kiwi: I’m so here for these drums, and heavy guitars!! GOD. The attitude he has on this song?? It’s like he’s grabbing you by the collar, bringing you close and going “Nope, it’s just you and me”... *fans self* It’s edgy and very 70′s Brit rock, he’s belting out those notes with fierceness. Love the “ding” after he sings “I’m gonna pay for it”, those little details are so cool and add so much to the complexity imo. And the gritty guitar solo is tasty as hell. You know when the shower is almost too hot to take? That sweet-spot, that’s what this song feels like.

Stand-out lyrics: “And now she’s all over me, it’s like I paid for it, I’m gonna pay for this.” “I think she said ‘I’m having your baby, it’s none of your business.’”

Ever Since New York: So magical and soft. A big contrast after Kiwi, but fitting as the album cools down again. Love the drumming, there’s so much going on in this song. It's intricate and subtle. Love that he matches his vocals to the tone and the sentiment of each track. With this song, he never tries too hard. He’s just singing like it’s the most effortless thing for him. And the stacked vocals on the chorus is a beautiful touch. Loved when he changed up the notes on this on SNL, and I wish he’d done that on the recorded version as well, but that’s a small complaint. 

Stand-out lyrics: “Choose your words, ‘cause there’s no antidote.” “I understand I’m talking to the walls.”

Woman: Love this. His vocals are just stunning, (AGAIN) just the way he drags out the word “know” in that first line -AH! This song is so funky, so dope. It’s simple, but hella catchy. With this song, I feel like everything comes together. Like the lyrical idea feels good and goes perfectly with the sonic recording which goes great with the melody and groove. And the background vocals that start around 3:03 adds a really alluring element to the song.

Stand-out lyric: “I hope you can see the shape that I am in. While he’s touching your skin, he’s right where I should be”.

From the Dining Table: From the second you hear his lips part in this, you’re drawn in. He’s singing in a conversational way, which makes it sound really earnest and vulnerable. And that moment when the strings entered floored me the first time I heard it, it was so unexpected. A beautiful explosion of sounds. To me, this song feels like this scenario: It’s raining. You're in bed, half asleep, there's a candle about to smoke out, and it's making the dozens of shadows in the room dance around..

Stand-out lyrics: “Comfortable silence is so overrated. Why won’t you ever say what you want to say.” “Maybe one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too,”

That last one just hit you right in the gut, because it feels so damn authentic and sincere, and that’s something that runs through the whole album imo. It feels exactly like what he should be doing. It’s so him. It never feels contrived or fake. There’s so much heart in it and you can tell that there’s a lot of hard work behind it. There’s not one stand-out weak song, I start playing the first song and I just let it run until it’s done, and that’s rare for me. So THANK YOU more than I could ever explain, Harry. I’m obsessed with this record and I needed it. ❤️ 

[qorillas]

a comprehensive humanz listening experience

henlo friends i wrote this as i listened to the entire humanz album for the first time. here are my thoughts and revelations written in real life as i went through this life-changing and at times harrowing experience. i hope you enjoy

intro: i switched my robot off

is that russel’s voice

that FUCKIN TRANSITION INTO ASCENSION??? damn

7/10 im fuckin ready

ascension

gets me fuckin pumped as always

BE A PUPPET ON A STRING HANGIN FROM A FUCKIN TREE

9/10 after like 50 plays over the past few weeks it’s still great 

strobelite

oh this is a cute intro. very bouncy

sounds like a hip and trendy remix of the seinfeld intro. im digging it

this is the type of song you go swaggering down the street to wearing ur fancy new 70s disco duds

just had a mental image of murdoc dancing disco to this

i feel like this is gonna grow on me in the coming weeks

noodle’s falsetto is so cute she’s going so hard i love her

7/10 i like how happy it was

saturnz barz

honestly after how joyful strobelite was this tempered the album really nicely

i still can’t listen to this song without thinking about murdoc’s dick. minus one point

honestly i’m only four songs deep and the album already has got a really strong electronic pulsing haunting vibe going and i love how well it all goes together

death by 2d. those vocals? WHACK and by whack i mean i want to cry it’s so beautiful

6/10 always a classic and gave us THE BATH but honestly i’ve always liked the other singles a bit more and i don’t want to think about murdoc’s dick

momentz

what is happening

MOMENTZ that scared me

HOLY SHIT

HOLY SHIT HHOTLY SHIT

THEY’RE GOIN OFF

DAAAAAAAMN 2D

dirty

im gonna SCREAM THIS IS SO FUCKING GOOD THIS GOES SO FUCKING HARD GOD FUCKIN DAMN

whose voices are those?? the high voices saying plastic on the ceiling

is that 2d and noodle omf

honestly the fact that this is in a major key makes it like. really psychedelic party hard i can see people headbanging and on hella drugs listening to this

i think i liked the intro part more than when it got all dreamy at the end

7/10 kind of petered off at the end but the intro was really amazing

interlude: the non-conformist oath

i promise not to repeat things other people say lmao

4/10 obligatory weird shit from damon

submission

ohhhHHHHhh the vocals

OOOHHHHHHH THE BACKING VOCALS

ohhHHhhHHHHHHHH fuck fu cku fucK i love the backing choir it’s so gorgeous 

all the choir backings make me think of the whole band just singing quietly together in the back and. idk it’s such a good image of them all being so deep into their music and jamming together and on the same wavelength

what the hell kind of noise is 2d making in the background of this

i feel like this is gonna get stuck in my head in the next week 

HOLY SHIT THE RAP i like his rap style very erratic 

the choral vocals behind the jumpy rap is so good

this is honestly something i think of when i think of the word celestial

8.5/10 this is gorgeous but i’m saving 9s and 10s for things that really knock me off my feet 

charger

is this the orange juice lady

super tough leather jacket vibe murdoc def wrote this

fuuuuuuuuuuck stu’s lil breathy speaking voice. honestly im weak for high pitched breathy stu voice he’s so cute fuck me up

a cha cha cha

i feel tough listening to this like walking into a gritty bar and smirking at everyone. the beat is really stalky

idk normally i don’t really like songs without very much melody but its p well done 

OHHHHH the electronic whistles that’s good

murdoc probably was fuckin his bass for this one

okay more melody at the end!!! choral backing vocals are back too i like it more now

6/10 2d’s vocals got me wet ngl

interlude: elevator going up 

wait that was so short

uh 5/10 because the guy says going up like gooOOOooing up which is nice

andromeda

ohhHHHh okay honestly with the interlude before it it’s nice it feels like im taking a fast glass elevator up to space 

OH I JUST GOT WHY THERE’S LIKE AN ELEVATOR SOUND AS THE FIRST NOISES

this like. cleansed my palate and calmed me down after charger. 

the drum? ??  poppin. smooth backing instrumentals. noodle’s little humming in the background? adorable. 2d’s falsetto? magnificent

the little melody right before take it in your heart now lover always gets me it’s so dancy i always bounce around to it. so great

andromedaaaaaaaa (andromedaaaaaaaa)

when does damon cry

8/10 another hit single and it reminds me of like neon signs and retro roller rinks

busted and blue

OH FUCK IT TRANSITIONS

OH FUCK THIS IS THE ONE THAT MAKES EVERYONE CRY ISN’T IT

ohhhHHHHHhhhhh god oh god this is gonna fuck me up 

FUCK

death by 2d 

ohh. oh my god. fuck. fuCK. fuck the vocals. fuck. the vocals. 

my heartstrings

is it about 2d? because if it is. oh god that’s so sad

amplify the sirens more like amplify my sobs because there are tears

so deep and ethereal i feel like i’m sitting on a roof staring up at the stars about to fall into space

I CAN’T GET BACK WITHOUT YOU

this is another love song on par with to binge or on melancholy hill

murdoc niccals or stuart pot or SOMEONE IN THIS BAND is in LOVE WITH SOMEONE and it’s BREAKING THEM APART 

THE BACKING VOCALS oh noooo oh noo oh no

fuck i’m really actually tearing up i [note: i had to stop here because my breathing was getting funny and i was tearing up and my rommate is asleep so i had to calm down]

he sounds like a lost little child looking at the stars through his window 

the deep bass sounds and the minor chords and the gentle snapping. im floating

THE SLIDING NOISES this is what it feels like to be in space my heart is so cold and empty but so full 

the ending satellite. the gentle rain noises. the setting down of the music. goodbye i am dead tell damon albarn that he has killed a person on this day

10/10 this song is one of those rare ones that catches me by the heart and reminds me of dark blue and stars. thenks damon albarn for my life and someone please comfort 2d 

interlude: talk radio

why are there so many interludes in this damn album

wtf

uhhhhhhhh

is this guy okay

2/10 what the fuck

carnival

what the fuck

oh okay that opening beat was cool

is someone knocking on a door. let them in

the keyboard in the back is cool i guess

someone please let whoever’s knocking in 

very bobby womack-y vibe. pretty intense between the dark instrumentals and the KNOCKING WHICH DOES NOT END

hyeAUp

3/10 i didn’t really like it. very spinny tho and it goes well with the rest of the album as like a filler song

let me out 

MAMA MAVIS OH MAMA THEY TRY MY PATIENCE

OH OH OH IT’S GONE WHO IS LEFT TO SAVE US

OH OH OH WE MOURN IM PRAYIN FOR MY NEIGHBORS

THEY SAY THE DEVIL’S AT WORK AND oh IS CALLIN FAVORS

honestly the little electronic oh oh oh’s in the beginning are what i live for

plus they bleep out trump which is hilarious drag him damon

let me out let me out let me out it’s DEL LET HIM OUT

fuck this was my favorite out of all the singles i listened to it 15 times today

2d’s vocals are adorable yeah yeah yeah 

the whispering gets me SO MCFREAKING PUMPED im ready to OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT

the build up gives me legitimate shivers. the whispering and the choral vocals ugH i love it

you gotta die a little if you wanna live

the ending is so haunting

let me out 

9/10 i love this song so much please let del out. my only problem with it is that i sound dumb when i try and sing the first lines with the electronic oh’s 

interlude: penthouse

REALLY ANOTHER ONE

damn someone’s goin hard

ding

5/10 sounds like one of those audio posts where people do some song but heard through the wall 

sex murder party 

just looking at the title i know murdoc wrote this

oohhhhh nice beat

this is like going to a cool underground house party with lots of smoke and colored strobe lights somewhere in germany

is someone playing the kazoo

idk i don’t think 2d’s sleepy sad vocals really go with this it sounds like he’s mourning while walking down a runway

on that note: model 2d walking down a runway. he would fall off the stage almost immediately

this sounds like something that would play in forever 21

the deep voice has some cool lyrics 

why are they whimpering the words sex murder party 

the kazoo is back

murder murder murder muuurder 

4/10 didn’t love it but it was better than carnival and it had a kazoo 

she’s my collar

ohHHH i like this very punk pop

oH SHIT damn stu those vocals tho

wait what is he talking about a collar

DID HE JUST SAY SHE’S MY FURSONA

i likE IT IT’S VERY DARK AND BOUNCY AND ETHEREAL BUT UHHHHH IS THIS A REFERENCE TO ALL THE BDSM AND FURRY SHIT GOING ON THIS PHASE

the panting .. . . mmmmmm

2d’s tryna get some 

KALI DAAAAAAAMN

this is a really sexual song but i really love it 

i really love when 2d speaks quickly and semi-raps 

kali’s vocals are gorgeous. also her snapchats were great

she’s my collar she’s the one i’m running with 

im jammin out this is gonna be my new jam 

FUCk the panting came back i. wasn’t expecting this

9/10 2d’s into some kinky shit but i’d still let him fuck me 

WAIT THE PANTING IS A REFERNECE TO DOGS FUCKING SHIT IT’S A PUPPY PLAY REFERENCE WITH ALL THE 2D DOG STUFF THIS PHASE FU ck

i am. kinkshaming. minus one point for making me suffer through this realization

interlude: the elephant

COME THE FUCK ON THEY’RE NOT INTERLUDES ANYMORE IF THEY TAKE UP THREE QUARTERS OF THE GOTDAMN ALBUM

uhhhhh again. what the fuck

2/10 these are getting annoying

hallelujah money

so unsettling and weird but that’s what it’s going for i guess

ben clementine’s voice is so good and it sounds like a sermon esp with the choir in the back i love it

idk it makes me sad because it reminds me of the night of the election and how everyone cried and was so scared

i love the chord progressions

haaaaaaallelujah moneeeeeeey 

again 2d’s vocals kill me i have been slain thrice

we are still humans, how will we know, how will we dream, how will we love

what fantastic lyrics. the crux of the album tbh i feel like i’m being told a story

this song terrifies and creeps me out but makes me feel warm and strong like i can face the scary things it brings up??  i don’t like it as a song per se but as a piece of art with a message it’s absolutely amazing

HALLELUJAH MONEY

where is my spongebob scream

8/10 i never loved this song but i appreciated the chord progressions a lot this time around and it adds a lot to the message of the album. also it fuckin destroys donald trump lmao damon what is ur damage i love it

we got the power 

honestly it’s upbeat and i like that but it’s a little bit too cheesy for me

the claps in the back remind me of that shitpost where it’s like the people in the 80s doing that weird dance yoga

this is a good song to do jazzercise to. imagine murdoc doing jazzercise

 never mind don’t do that

“on the m1″ is that a reference to m1a1?

oh oh oh stu ur so cute

the backing instrumentals are so powerful i feel like i am being propelled through the stratosphere on russel’s back

5/10 it’s cute and happy but i never really ever got into it even after having had time to

interlude: new world

P L E A S E N O M O R E I N T E R L U D E S 

this sounds like an electronic soap opera intro theme song

the elevator? ? i guess the elevator is the new thing this album

oh fuck this is creepy 

yikes yikes YIKES 

honestly it has an actual uhhhh music ish thing going on so?? ? i guess there’s that

i just wanted to be close to you BITCH NO GET THE FUCK AWAY 

2/10 because i don’t want to be close to whatever’s whisperin in my ear and also because apparently damon albarn does not understand what an interlude is 

the apprentice

so great. so jazzy. so cool and suave. 

clap clap clap cla-cla-clap i love the beat 

I AM A BROKEN SCREEN I’M A MAP ROUTINE

this is also going to get stuck in my head isn’t it

I’M INSIDE YOUR HEAD ya u are

oooohhh the electronics are so bubbly

THE FEMALE SINGER’S VOICE? ? ? SO SMOOTH SO GOOD so gorgeous im dead

this song reminds me of a lava lamp 

YO NEW BLACK KING NEW YORK DREAM 

IM THE FIRST BLACK PRINCE OF A NEW WHITE KING

god this rap is so great 

normally i don’t like slower songs but this one just. takes its time and jams out and knows exactly what it’s doing. what a bop

8/10 a solid addition to the album and holds its own really well 

halfway to the halfway house

this album is so long but i’m not complaining. actually i am a little because i have a writing sample due in an hour and a half and my computer is dying but this is more important 

nice spaceship sounds

2d’s really jamming out on those bloopy keyboard sounds isn’t he

it’s like floating in a pool of static kinda

i like the chorus esp since everyone in the band is singing together which i still think is so cute

everyone singing on it has really good voices but idk the fact that there’s no real melody kinda distracts from that 

it sounds like a congregation or a gospel choir which is super cool 

3.5/10 it was pretty cool but a little too aimless for me

out of body

pipe down pipe down

tHIS IS CREEPIN ME OUT

oh SHIT WAIT THIS IS SO COOL DAMN

i don’t know who’s rapping right now but i love her and her voice

THIS GOES OFF DAMN

i love it. i love this song this is so bouncy and cool and it’s so cute too with the lyrics telling you how to dance

noodle wrote this. noodle 100% wrote this

i feel so cool listening to this 

this is definitely going to be in a commercial for like. fashion or makeup or something 

this is the new runway song

this is something you listen to right before going out to some fancy european club with like models and weird plastic architecture

oH SHIT OH SHIT 2D’S RAPPING IM SCREAMIGN

FUCK 

FUCK IM YELLING his voice is so high im screeching

they made this fucking dork into a suave motherfucker 

9/10 i was briefly transformed into a european model and stuart “two-dents” pot makes his debut as a falsetto rapper and also establishes himself as the coolest baddest hippest raddest mofo out there despite not being able to tie his shoes 

ticker tape 

it’s almost over :(

very dreamlike and chill 

awwww the way he sings ticker tape is so cute 

the whistling!

okay this one’s cute it’s like. very dreamy and sweet

cauterized and beautiful wow i like those words 

i can see stu or russ singing this gently under their breath while just doing work. what a cute and sweet song 

it’s about healing? maybe they’re healing their relationships with each other. i hope so

a sudden draft and quick chill, a single snowflake falls and that is all damon your imagery is fantastic as always

ohh the acapella is so nice. this means murdoc had to go buh buh buh in the back which is cute 

the sudden stops are so quirky 

again i love the crackling of vinyl at the ends of some of these 

7/10 super cute and not what i expected at all from such a dark album

circle of friendz

the final song? ?? i hope it’s good i wanna give it a 10

ohhhh what’s gonna happen with this buildup

who’s breaking shit

aw these lyrics are cute even though they’re a little juvenile 

a circle of friends :))))))

the growing instrumentals in the back are so sweet 

stu and noodle singing my circle of friends as the last thing in the album rotted my teeth and gave me diabetes

a cute ending!!!! even though it didn’t wow me it made me smile

7/10 they are a happy family 

faves: ascension, saturnz barz, momentz, submission, andromeda, busted and blue, let me out, the apprentice, out of body 

overall: not going to give it a numerical rating because i would just give it a 10 because i was so excited for it. honestly i think it was a pretty solid album there weren't any breakout hits like feel good inc. or whatever but they did a really solid job on it in total. thenks damon albarn for my life please tell 2d and noodle and russel and murdoc i love them 

[seriouslysexytunes]

Pussycat Dolls- Vocal analysis

For the longest time, I’ve thought of doing a Pussycat Dolls vocal analysis but I never thought anyone would be interested given most people don’t want to give them any credit for their talent, singing and dancing. I often felt the rest of the members besides Nicole deserved to have their talent recognized but for some reason I was never able to bring myself to actually do it- I think partly because at the time, I didn’t have any material from the other ladies to work with. Seeing as now, they’ve all had solo careers and I got a proper taste of their voices, and at the request of someone who has read my other analyses, I guess  it’s about the right time to do it.

So, who remembers the first time they saw the mv for ‘Don’t Cha’? I certainly do, listening to that song full of sass and in-your-faceness and watching the video with a bunch of sexy women driving on an empty highway like sexy road ragers, jumping on trampolines, the blonde mohawk girl getting pulled ins some wild cage fight (poor Kimberly) ,dancing in girtty underground boxing rings like a bunch of savages. My first thought was ‘, wth is happening ? who are these women? why are they are they sexily angry? why are they angrily sexy? So many questions. They certainly caught my attention and they’ve given us many entertaining hits over the years so without further ado.

Nicole Scherzinger aka...

...'I’m the lead doll, hear me roar’ ***

There is no denying when Nicole sings she catches your attention, just listen to any PCD songs, no really, she sings 99.9% of them. She can make any kind of song come alive. From her time in Eden’s Crush, to her time in PCD and throughout her solo career, she has demonstrated that she can sing a variety of song types from pop, R&B, Jazz- she is a vocal chameleon, her voice can be sexy, sultrous,  vulnerable, she can also display attitude and excitement. She also has good range; her low notes and falsetto notes tend to be soft but stable, when she belts her voice is very clear, when she goes higher though her voice strains a bit when singing live. Last but not least, I first heard her whistle note in the song ‘Let Me Know’ from Eden’s Crush album, that made  the song and the album for me lol (besides everyone’s favorite ‘Get Over Yourself’ of course.)

I think the vocal producers who worked with the Dolls also suffered from the ‘ higher  singing = better singing’ as Nicole was often screaming in some songs like this live version of ‘Don’t Cha’  and her prolongued ‘hey’ at the end of the dance break of ‘Beep’- which sounds great in the studio, live... not so much. She is the complete package as a true commercial artist in that she has the look, the talent and the sexiness to boot, her songs are catchy to listen to, her music videos are amazing and her voice is fantastic but in my opinion she lacks humility; she seems to be more focused on showing off her vocal skills (and making weird animal sounds) then connecting with her audience.  She sings as if she were a world-renowed songstress who’s been on the scene for decades when really most people know her as the ‘lead singer of the PCD’ but not ‘Nicole, the artist, the person,” etc..

Speaking of connecting with the audience, the main thing that has prevented me from fully connecting with ther as an artist is that  fake ebonics voice or accent she uses/used  Example:

“Dawls. Let's daince. Ooh behbeh. I know you lahik meh That's why wheneva I come araound, she's all ova yoo! I know you won't it It's easy to see And in the backayo maaaaaind I know it should be on wtih me

Let's keep it friendlaaay Yah have to play fay ah See I don't caaaaaayy but I know she ain't gon wonna shay-ah" etc...

Omg, who sings like that? Whoever told this woman singing with attitude meant singing as if her jaw was dislocated needs to be ashamed of themselves. The style of singing doesn’t feel her own, she sounds like she’s imitating someone else and she comes off as dishhonest and try-hard. Compare that to times when she gives up the ‘accent’ such as 'I Hate This Part’, Sway and if you really want to hear a song when I can ‘feel’ Nicole, I advise you listen to her song ‘Run’, raw, pure, and goosebump-worthy.  I’m not going to spend any more time on factors that may be affecting her career because this is about her vocal talent. To put it simply, anyone (including myself) can say whatever they want  about Nicole and  regarless of a few minor vocal flaws, her vocal versatility is off the chain and she is a vocal powerhouse, period. 

Vocal range: Soprano- Best suited for: Pop, R&B, Classic, Jazz, Alternative and many more.

Listen to: I Hate this Part, Try With Me, Run, Poison, Don’t Hold Your Breath

Carmit Bachar aka...

...the fiery redhead

 I just love the tone of Carmit’s voice because it’s raw, raspy and edgy. It sucks how fickle the industry can be given that singers with voices like hers don’t get much appreciation. For example, watch this performance for  Carmit’s raw and edgy voice (also featuring Melody’s beautiful melismatic runs). Now though her edginess comes out mostly when she’s in her belting range but she can also soften up as she did here- although in that song I think she goes in and out of falsetto albeit very softly. In general though, she doesn’t seem to have an extensive range, the lowest I’ve heard her go is as far as this performance when she sings “you give me fever” a few times and her low notes are very quiet. Any higher than what her range is and she falls flat a bit like here; to be honest, she sort of all over the place but she tried. 

One thing I noticed she did in that performance is how she threw her hand up as she was singing a high note. Like, girl, why? Many singers do this especially when they’re struggling to hit a note lol. You can either reach the note or you can’t, throwing your hand up is not going to save you from not hitting that note. Most of the time they come close(they shout it or scream it) but they don’t actually hit it lol. In any case, Carmit  is/was the oldest member of the group but don’t let her age fool you, she is a joy to watch while performing and she dances with such passion. She’s also got some cool acrobatic moves in her skills and she’s also a ‘split’ master

though she didn’t get to showcase it often during her time in the group.

Vocal range: Mezzo-Soprano- Best suited for: Rock, Alternative, Indie, Pop, R&B, Jazz

Listen to: Tainted Love, Santa baby, Fierce, Keep on Smiling, Cream.

Kimberly Wyatt aka...

...the fiesty, edgy blonde.

Well, how can I put this lightly? Kimberly’s voice sounds...underdeveloped? I’m not quite sure which word to use but that’s the closest I can come up with. Her  ‘Don’t Wanna Fall in Love’ solo for the Doll Domination album was..difficult for me to listen to; she almost souned like a chipmunk and her voice was nasal. Though after PCD, she formed a duo with Spencer Nezey called Her Majesty & the Wolves and in their song ‘Stars in Your Eyes’ she sounds like she has better vocal control but her voice forever sounds light and sweet. She sounds good during this performance but the backing track is so loud as if to cover the lack of vocal strength on her part; so take that and add the awkward dancing and it looks like she’s performing karaoke.

 Kimberly doesn’t have a wide range but then again having a big range isn’t everything and it doesn’t mean with proper vocal technique she can gain even better control and help her voice ‘mature’ a bit. In ‘Goodbye, Goodnight’, she uses her falsetto which sounds cute, light and sweet but in this live performance, with that loud backing track again her voice does nothing for me at all and the woman looks like she is trying to sing. I. Just. Can’t. But during ‘Walking On the Sun’ her voice sounds beautiful; well controlled, cool with some nice subtle vibrato. 

Apart from singing, many PCD fans love Kimberly for being a beast on a the dance floor. Watch this performance, and this one, she’s dancing as if her life depended on it, I LOVE it! She was also known mostly for her standing splits, so here’s ‘split’ master #2.

Vocal range: Mezzo-Soprano- Best suited for: Pop, Electro Pop

Listen to: Santa baby, Glaciers, Stars In Your Eyes

Jessica Sutta aka...

the brunette (turned redhead) with 

THE

MOST

GORGEOUS

SMILE!

Before I start my analysis, I just want to laugh at PCD’s record label’s poor attempt at covering up the fact that Carmit had left group. Before PCD’s second album, rumor is (label, Robin Antin, whoever it may have been) had Jessica dye her hair red so maybe people or fans wouldn’t notice, now that’s what you call cutting corners! And are the members that repleaceable or unimportant? these people are sad. Anyway, moving on to better things. 

My introduction to Jessica’s vocal talent was ‘If I Was A Man’ on the ‘Doll Domination’ album which to be honest, a child could sing. PCD’s record company must have really wanted to downplay the girls’ talents because if that song was all I ever heard from Jessica, then any time I heard her name, I would run in the opposite direction.

But THANK GOODNESS Jessica for showing us what sexy, sultrous and beautiful voice which was hiding underneath that sing-talking, nasal and whiny falsetto or whatever thing  you had going on.  I love the tone of her voice and she is also a vocal chameleon; she can easily portray different kinds of emotions and she has good voice control as well; not very powerful but defintely solid. Examples of her low notes would be in the bridge of  ‘We Can’t Dance Anymore’, that rich tone in ‘Gotta get you’ also take note of her belt notes in that song. Other songs like ‘Shame’ demonstrate her mezzo range and she sings with vulnerability in the song.   Not only that but if you haven’t heard her mixtape ‘Feline Resolution’ nor her album ‘I say Yes,  Give them a listen, you won’t regret it! You’ll have jams for ‘dem nice cozy nights, chilly summer nights, rainy days, sunny days, romantic days, party days, days you wanna beat somebody up, days you wanna cry, whatever you have going on in your life, she’s got a song for you!

Vocal range: Alto, Mezzo-Soprano- Best suited for: Pop, R&B, Rock, Contemporary 

Listen to: Show Me, Shame, Lights Out, Feline Resurrection, Gotta get you, We can’t dance anymore, Feel Like Making Love, Universe.

Ashley Roberts aka...

...the sweet and sassy blonde

I feel with Ashley I don’t really have much to say except for that she has a beautiful voice. Whatever she’s singing, she delivers and i think it’s because she knows her limits and knows her strengths. Her voice is sweet and light and sometimes raspy, her lower notes are hauntingly beautiful and she sings songs that are within her range so she always sounds beautiful lol. But I think in knowing her limits she limits herself a bit too much when she could have pushed on a little bit more. For example in ‘All in a day’, her voice is dark and raspy and I kept waiting for the part of the song that would bring an emotional high and take me to the  Heavens but alas, it never came. Oh welp. In another song, she plays it way too safe then again I could listen to this while sitting on a cozy sofa while watching a sad movie.

Vocal range:  Mezzo-Soprano- Best suited for: Country, Pop, R&B, Folk

Listen to: Clockwork, Lonely lights, Face of Love, All in a Day

Melody Thornton aka...

....’Baby Doll’ 

Two years after getting into the Pussycat Dolls, I see this video and nearly fell off of my chair, obviously from the shock of hearing Melody’s voice for the first time and wondering why the hell she wasn’t one of the lead singers. Well we all know now that the company wasn’t gonna have any of that. I’ll keep my analysis simple for Melody , she has a powerful voice, that’s all there is to it. ‘Baby Doll’ was her nickname while in the group because she was the youngest but who can forget her set of pipes? She made it into the group as a vocalist and we know why, it’s because of the runs, um...vocal runs that is lol, melismatic vocal runs. I bet you all PCD fans know her runs by heart because they’re so iconic lol. As far as range, her low notes sometimes fall flat so she sings better when she’s in her middle notes (belting chest voice), falsetto and head voice. She also has a strong vibrato which can get out of control during live performances, other than that, she has a solid voice.

Vocal range:  Soprano- Best suited for: R&B, Pop

Listen to: Sway, Tainted Love, Buttons, Stickwithu, Bite The Dust, I don’t Need a Man.

In conclusion, my final rank is: Nicole, Melody, Jessica, Carmit, Ashley and Kimberly.

My favorite PCD & solo songs:  Buttons, I Hate This Part, Beep (PCD), Don’t Hold Your Breath, Poison, Run, Boomerang (N), Show Me, Gotta Get You (J), Clockwork (A). 

Credit goes to  owner(s) of any article, picture, audio, or video mentioned or used. None of those belong to me.

Thanks everyone, leave comments, suggestions, discuss!

*Following Robin Antin’s de-facto motto about ‘every woman having an inner doll’ I included 2 picures for each member,  1 picture “represents’ the person and the other her ‘doll’ side. Feel free to disagree with my interpretation. 

***Mini rant: I used stereotypical taglines for all the members not because I prefer to use them but because that’s the way most non-fans would remember them in case they read this analysis. Imagine how far they could have gotten if their record contracts didn’t suck? I don’t think the company really thought things through and the way they handled PCD makes the group seem like a novelty act with Nicole and the 5 nameless women behind her.

[tonguetiedmag]

music: weekly roundup (our favorite submissions of the week)

Fruut - R.O.E (Running on Empty)

Atmospheric sounds bring your attention to the song and keep you in it until the end. The unique lyrics make you stop and think at every turn. This song is engaging in more ways than one and makes you appreciate the people who write music in a new way. The harmonies blend together so smoothly that your ears will thank you for putting this on. For a fresh and new listening experience, check this one out.

Nolan Garrett - The Camel

Casual vocals blend with almost intense instrumentals that hit hard and slowly fade to a chilled out tune. Unique breaks filled with new sounds read like a story that you cannot put down. You can feel each layer of effort put into this song make it different from the rest, making you appreciate it that much more. It keeps things smooth and makes this a song perfect for turning on while you rest on a lazy Saturday.

DOUBLECAMP - Light On

Quick flowing vocals splash in on steady bass and fun guitar and make an interesting beat that is easy to jam to. The song dives into the subject of keeping aspects of your childhood alive as you live in adulthood, like the example of using a nightlight. It emphasizes letting yourself change and grow while holding on to pieces of your old self to keep yourself young. These upbeat instrumentals work with the story of innocence to make the perfect road trip song.

Modesta - Ode to the Peculiar

Vintage drenched vocals take you back to the days of soda shops and milkshake dates. Simple instrumentals help the vocals to shine in their own way with a little push of the occasional hit of a drum or strum of a guitar. A chorus full of falsetto grabs your attention and a bit of repetition helps you easily learn the hook for when you show this to your friends as your new favorite song.

Moral High Horses - Log Lady

Wavering instrumentals come in with a psychedelic sound while chill vocals come in and steady the feeling. It soon breaks into an intense outburst of emotion in the chorus that makes you wonder what could come next. The lyrics tell a humorous story about the times before the internet when you would find a lewd magazine and share the excitement with your friends. It holds a touch of innocence in it and makes this one to add to any oldies-themed playlist.

LUVRS - Lady

Funky instrumentals sit under modern vocals to make a mix of old and new that feels fresh. With instrumentals that consistently change and give something new at every turn and lyrics depicting lust, this song is one that is hard to turn off. The steady vocals hit hard on the lyrics and please the ears with every note. This song gives off Ghostbusters vibes at certain times, but you have to check it out to see what I mean.

Benjamino - Big Things to Come

Almost orchestral instrumentals open the door for smooth vocals to enter and tell of the competition that exists on social media. It tells of the expectation to create hype for content instead of simply delivering good content. A chaotic bridge has people repeating “Big Things to Come” showing the competition in a literal sense. Listen to this one for a good view on focusing on quality instead of being the one with the most followers.

Jessica Genius - Criminal

An alarming sound opens this one up but soon switches to bright guitar and soft vocals. An underlying wet sound sits beneath the song creating a sense of unease before saying a single thing. The backing vocals lend to that unease with their haunting notes and the classically creepy “la la la” format. This song evokes a creeped out feeling without forcing it, making you intrigued while also a little uncomfortable. The wavering vocals make you wonder what they really sound like, giving you something to think about while you listen. Check this one out, if for nothing else but to satisfy your curiosity.

Listen to all of these songs on our playlist!

Article by: Erin Shields