#I am ROLLING

[angelwings-crossbowstrings]

You go right ahead and use that bag of dicks. Bags of dicks all around for miserable wastes of space, fictional and real life cunts.

Bless you, anon. I am laughing so hard that I’m shedding tears.

[elitefourkylewantstobattle]

Nothing could've prepared me for this popping up at the start of an adult film.

[antvnger]

*Scott and Ant-Mun both read this*

Who are they talking to, you or me?

((*snorts* I don’t know, but if they’re talking to me, I can see why.

Why?

((Both of you exceed great himbo energy.

((It’s a compliment! I mean it as a compliment!

((Anyway, Anon, I laughed very hard at this, thank you. It is quite tempting, but I have a lot to juggle right now, and I’d have to watch Barbie a few more times to get the feel if I decided to do it.

But I’ll be honest, “I’m Just Ken” has been playing in my head all day, and tbh that’s a jam.))

[thecrimsonhelmet]

@dramatisperscnae

Things Dick and Jason have done to each others apartments over the years

Jason likes to hack into Dicks security system once every few months to “keep him on his toes”

Dick rescued a hamster and kept it in Jason’s apartment because it was closer and felt like the hamster would be better fed (Jason hated it at first but now will kill anyone that touches him)

Jason dyed all of dicks sheets red after he got blood on a pair and it wouldn’t wash off so his brother wouldn’t find out

Dick threatens to disclose the location of Jason’s apartment to the rest of their siblings at least once a month and in retaliation Jason steals his throw pillows

Jason sometimes leaves leftovers or ingredients for meals in dicks fridge when his fridge runs out of space

Dick likes to buy Jason gifts or souvenirs and then hides them in the apartment randomly and waits for a text whenever Jason discovers what he’s done

Jason has an emergency weapons stash hidden in dicks apartment that dick pretends to not know about

They both can and will stress clean the others place if they’re badly injured to help them out

[normaltothemax]

love pawsona featuring Max Parker

Tagged by: @dramatisperscnae Tagging: literally anyone

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

i was on another post about vampires and a library earlier

but i realized if i was a vampire i would just use my vampire powers to break into libraries and museums and art galleries and exhibits, etc. until I'd read all the books I'd wanted and seen all the art and blah blah blah.

and if there just so happened that there was this other vampire that wanted to hang out and like, fucking parallel play with me, i'd be cool with that. and eventually they wanted to talk and to just keep talking, about anything at all. like, whatever weird shit had struck their fancy. i would be like 'lay it on me' bc i like hearing about what makes people passionate.

then if one day, something changes when they look at me. something hidden becomes plain, and their smile, their eyes, their very heartbeat pound a rhythm: i-love-you, i-love-you, i-love-you.

well, i think i might want to run. to run far, far away. (bc i'm aromantic and don't do romance) but part of me might think, isn't it easier to stay? isn't it easier to be taken care of? to just let yourself shut off and drift. no pain.

[chrisrainicorn]

this is canon btw

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

How Bill was defeated and captured by Ford in my Gf AU! He basically just tricked Bill into accepting a deal that trapped him within Ford's mind and under his control :]

He may have gotten a little out of hand though....

>:)

Next post :]

[thehappyfeminist-22]

^ BEST OFMD POST I'VE EVER READ ^

we don't talk enough about the saddest part of izzy's death, which is stede standing there on deck watching ed break down and realizing his plans to have good sex for the second time in his life are going to have to be delayed by at least 48 hours over this

[shotmrmiller]

getting shot down by ghost without even asking him out or anything because he'd heard from one scottish bird that your type of guy was exactly like him and thinking back on it now, all the qualities you'd listed for your dream man do sound like as if you were describing him. yikes.

you don't take his rejection to heart, even though it does lightly sting but before you get a chance to explain that said scottish bird is an idiot and very mistaken in his assumption, ghost is telling you that it'd never work, you'd only get hurt and that you do take to heart because what does that mean, exactly? does he think you some dewy eyed farm girl looking for love? that you can't have casual sex with someone without eventually wanting for more?

"tha' ain't wha' i said. you'd get hurt, i mean look at ya." what about you? it's not like you'd let any of what happens behind closed doors affect your performance or anything, you and kyle always keep things professional while in the field.

also, is he aware that he doesn't have to have a reason to not want to sleep with you, or anyone else for that matter?

"you're small," he states, as if fact.

small? small where? your irritation dissipates, shoulders bleeding tension as genuine worry begins to set in. his vision might actually be going bad. could it be the black paint he wears under his mask? is it even safe to use on the face let alone near the eyes? did he read the instructions?

but then you realize he's looking at your legs, or specifically, what's between them and things click, and now you're wondering how someone so bloody brilliant could be this fucking stupid.

"while i appreciate your concern, lieutenant," you pointedly snap, "that's not even- i'd be just fine." he's a big guy, for sure. massive, if being honest. his neck alone is easily bigger than both your hands and you've caught him once or twice having to duck his head to enter the debriefing room but him being so endowed that it poses a threat to you is idiotic at best.

he hums, long and low in his throat, as he peers down at you through heavy lidded eyes, and raises his right shoulder in a shrug. "as you like," and that's the one and only warning you got.

simon had given you as much foreplay as needed, had lapped at your pussy until you forgot what day of the week it was, curled and scissored his fingers until his bedsheets were sodden and it still hadn't been enough. he'd only fit about a fourth of it in before he took pity on you and fucked your thighs instead until he got close, pushing his ruddy tip back into your aching cunt because "spillin' outside is a waste," and sent you on your merry way.

you're no quitter though and after some shopping online, your saving grace (dilators) will be here in a week.

(now to find soap and rip the rest of his hair right out his scalp for wagging his tongue.)

[aroace-madness]

Red Hoods goons are panicking, petrified even

Scarecrow decided to show up in the Crime Alley, there was a confrontation, Red Hood got aggressive and, well

Somehow the fear gas got under Red Hoods helmet causing him to inhale it

And now their boss was shaking on the ground, almost completely unresponsive, and worst of all

He was calling his mom

"mama, mama" it was a rather sad, pathetic sight but the goons were smart enough to not say it out loud

They didn't know if their boss' mom was even alive in the first place not to mention where she was

As they were panicking they noticed in the corner of their eyes the Batman standing near them

The goons started to gear up, ready to protect their boss from the bat

Only for Red Hood to get up, walk over to the Bat and hug him burying his face in his shoulder

"Red?" The bat was just as confused as the goons, but Red Hood only hugged him tighter and continued shaking

"mama, mama"

The goons could see the bats eyes soften and gently hug Red Hood back

The goons just stood there in shock but snapped back when the bats eyes travelled to them and regained their usual coldness

"your Boss will be alright, you can go" he commanded them, his hands not stopping the soothing motions on Red Hoods back

The goons contemplated leaving their boss with Batman but eventually decided to leave

Seems like mothers love doesn't fade, even when you're a crime lord

[jhonskii]

GET YO MANGY ASS ON

IT IS DONE

[ray-land17]

what the fuck LMAO

I had a ninjago dream 🤩

So it started in the school gym because we had a assembly, and it was lead by Lord Ras but we just kinda saw him stand there. Then I end up in a weird miniature room at the top of a staircase with two kids that are in my class, one of them doesn't say anything because I'm sitting on him but the other says "Did you see? Lord Ras is kinda short lmao" and then I gear up to say "I know it sounds bad but he makes up for it in personality", and i'm about to mention Lord Ras' podcast, but there is like a blue ring octopus/spider with argentinian colors called the blue marina on the wall so i catch it in a plastic water bottle. It proceeds to lay eggs inside the water bottle and matures into a brown wild bunny. At the same time, the room turns into the outside, and the landscape is now a grassland transitioning into a beach. Suddenly, I'm in the ninja hall or something, a museum-like tall, plain, white hall, that has one picture/painting of kai surrounded by his red gi, swords, and other red objects. I go down the hall a little and enter a door on the right. It looks like kai's room from the painting, except the color theme is blue, like Nya. I am back to the start of the hall but I realize there are other ninja there so I start nervously breakdancing, and end by flopping onto the floor with a blank expression. Kai sees me do this and tells me I "have to start training" and makes me do a really strange, timed course. The course sequence is in a pixelated style. The challenge is: climb up a ladder, pee twice, climb down the ladder, run to the dumbbell rack, fill up the bar (by doing bicep curls), climb up another ladder, and more, which I didn't do because I had really low stamina and kept running out of time. Next, Kai and I were at the school gymnasium, and there were a few people scattered about but I saw Nya and she told me "Make sure you euthanize him" [as in Kai] and I respond "I'll try my best!" and slide on my back to where Kai is because he got ahead of me. and then i woke up

[egophiliac]

was this anyone else's first thought, or

[theelmoarchive]

THE SUCKENING!!!!!!!

Can you tell who my favorite is

I love drawing these guys so much Emizel is slowly filling every sketchbook page i flip

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

...Turns out gay sex actually was the solution.

(This is basically a redraw, come read the real deal over at Tiger Tiger)