#I blame your anon Kass....

[blazinginbus1]

Lyk how kassie was asked, I thought why not So Explain why you love Zouis, please. Full detail. Don't skip a thing.😇 Thanks anon!!

Look what you’ve done, @sundownlouis…

Regardless, I will gladly answer as best I can. I cant promise it was be half as lovingly put together as her response about Louis, because that was truly so sweet, and genuine, and heartfelt. But I can try.

It feels so hard sometimes to put into words how Zouis make me feel because it’s very much an emotional drive when you love a pair so much. So it’s no surprise to anyone who’s tried to explain feelings into words, that its difficult. I need to preface by saying I love all the boys, obviously. And I find all their relationships amongst each other to be so important in their own ways. All are valued to me, and I love them all. I guess the only thing that stands out to me most with Zouis, is that at some point between just being a 1D fan with a Zayn preference, to noticing his connection with Louis, my realization had only grown to become more obvious to me that they really did have a natural chemistry.

I’m not sure I’m just projecting, or if the observation is clear to most, but once I saw how Zayn’s mood would just light up and turn around when his focus was on Louis, that really was what got me hooked on them. I just feel like I repeat myself a lot when I talk about Zouis, so pardon if you’ve heard all this before. I never tend to shut up about them, its a problem. But, take any interview the boys have done, where Zayn and Louis are relatively in close proximity to each other—which is often—and just observe Zayn. Observe how he answers his questions, where he looks at when he answers them, and how he passes his silence in interviews. Sometimes, yes, he looks around, half-hearted and not focused on anyone in particular. But most times, he is paying attention to Louis. If he’s answering an interviewer’s question, he likes to respond, not to the interviewer, but directing it to one of the boys, most often Louis. If I had to reason why, I think it’s just a reassurance thing. It feels less daunting to answer when he can say it like he’s speaking to Louis.

But aside from me initially realizing Zayn’s comfort in Louis, it was a world unlocked when I took notice of Louis, and how much life he had in his eyes. The really surprising thing about Zouis, is that you almost don’t expect them to be friends. You would never see those two together in any situation outside of the band and think, “wow, they look like they’d be best friends.” But, as we’ve all been taught—’don’t judge a book by its cover’. Louis and Zayn seemed to be drawn more by their personalities. They come from the same humble beginnings, they understand the value of family, their approach to life is a simple, laid-back approach, where they live in the moment and don’t worry too much about the past or the future; those times will come when they’re meant to. They’re both proud of where they came from, and proud of how humble they are. They want to do more than just be a celebrity, and show that in philanthropic ways. They still hold on to a sense of their youth, and embrace fond memories of their past. They even wanted to pursue being teachers, if One Direction had never come to. They wanted to be in a positon in life, where they were helping others. And that really shows how multi-faceted they both are, despite people not assuming anything beyond their exterior.

Even their differences compliment one another. Yes, Zayn likes his R&B, and Louis likes his rock. But, like any of us, we take observations and adaptations from out friends. Zayn may dabble in some more guitar-driven sounds now, like he wrote with Dragonfly; or embrace the rock & roll look, as much as Louis praises Biggie and loves listening to a bit of that gangster rap. A shared appreciation for a style of music that’s not the other’s first choice shows they can adapt. Zayn loves his leather jackets, Louis likes a tracksuit. But they both look handsome, don’t they? Louis likes an exciting night out every now and then, and Zayn is perfectly content with a calm night in. But wouldn’t you know, every once in a while, you saw Zayn going out with Louis, embracing that moment and taking it in strides. And when the mood called for a calm night in with deep conversations, Louis was just as attentive to be in the moment with Zayn, discussing any and everything they trusted the other to understand, without judgement.

And even while Louis was loud, and Zayn was reserved, I did always feel they meshed well amongst all that. They have bits of the other in themselves. Zayn’s not always a demure little woodland creature. His personality is just misunderstood sometimes. But Louis knew that, Louis could see there was a little part of Zayn that can be outgoing, and playful, and sarcastic, and lively. And I would say he was determined to pull that out of Zayn, so everyone could see as wonderful a personality Zayn really could give off as Louis saw in him. And equally so, Zayn had a calmness to him that could settle Louis. We know Louis is so much more than a loud, troublemaking goofball with no regard for structure and authority. We all love when Louis can be playful, but even the wildest boy needs a moment to relax and unwind. To be seen as more than just a spectacle; And really, Louis has much more depth to him that he’s given credit for. And that side of Louis was clear to Zayn, who knew the love and care Louis held for the most precious people and things near and dear to his heart. And knowing the depth of each other, it was easy to imagine how much they treasured the talks they had and the depths they took their discussions. To be able to both let their walls down entirely, that they had full trust in the other? That takes a lot of trust and a lot of faith. Sometimes, Zayn just needed to get outside of his head, and sometimes Louis needed to be brought back down to Earth.

So, I’m kinda getting away with this post. I just meant to explain that i think they connect intellectually more than anything. Funnily enough, they have been so in sync with each other for all these years, that they mimic their action, words, and even clothes similarly to the other. Do they intentionally do it? I’m not sure. Is it a purely coincidental byproduct of how close they grew into each other lives, that they adopt the others mannerisms? Sure! But that also shows how natural Zayn and Louis’ relationship formed for them. I never felt like there was a forced nature to Zouis. They hung out because they wanted to, they were affectionate and complementing because that how they genuinely felt, and there was no tension because there was trust. There’s a balance in Zouis that keeps them in sync and able to read a situation, so they never take things too far with the other. They have an ebb and a flow to them, a balance. And in addition to being incredibly connected thoughtfully, they’re also very playful and fun. They know the importance of embracing each day, and have no regret taking full advantage of that, especially when they know they have a confidant in the other, someone willing to take the bullet for you and stick alongside with you.

Anywho, I’m sure there’s more I could have said, or less I could have said. But It’s hard to encompass all of what makes Zouis so special to me. Because it’s not just the technicality of how they operate in their actions, its how they feel and act and are personality-wise with the other. I wholeheartedly believe that, although they’ve grown as individuals since parting ways, there still feels a feeling of incompletion to them, and up until recently, when they met up, I did always feel it was because nothing can quite fill the void of someone you grew and entangled your roots into. But, there’s always hope for the future, and having as natural a connection as they’ve had from the start, I have no worry in Zouis. I like to say they’re soulmates, but regardless of how I feel, I’m sure they’re meant to be in each others lives for the long haul. You don’t find someone you connect with so well all the time. So, when you find a relationship like the one Zayn and Louis have, it’s unique, and special, and so meaningful. I’m sure we could go on, and on, and on with this, but I will wrap it up here. Zouis are such a wonderfully simple relationship; but DONT underestimate a simple relationship as being less powerful or important, cause that’s definitely not the case. Sometimes simplicity of that love is the key. Thank you for the ask!

[harleyquinnzelz]

All I did was say Maddie got picked picked on because she is hot and talented and obviously peeps are well jel of her. Nikki is just being bullied. They're innocent and don't deserve this. But you're openly hating on me on this, discriminating against my sexuality and also victim blaming. You did go running to Kass. Why else would she vague post? I don't care what she posts but don't lie and say it wasn't about me. Stop trying to gaslight me peeps, its not working.

Let's be clear about this. My responses have nothing to do with how you do or don't feel about Maddie and Nikki. You're right, they don't deserve this. But neother does Lokitrasho, and you came into my asks saying that she deserves the unending harassment she's been receiving and I just... fuck off with that mindset. Go away, you're rude and hateful. You literally went LEFT A REVIEW ON MY FIC WITH MORE OF THIS BS AFTER COMPLAINING ABOUT OCFA DOING THE SAME THING!!! But sure, you're the innocent party here.

As for your next point... I just... what? YOU'RE ON ANON! I don't know who this is or what your sexuality is, so how could I be discriminating against you for your sexuality. This makes no sense. And where did I victim blame??? You're just spouting off random bullshit now.

As far as Kass goes, why would I go running of to tattle on you to her like your going to get punished. Kass is receiving anon bs too and just because she doesn't respond to the asks doesn't mean she can't make her own posts directed at her own anons. It literally has nothing to do with you. Not that I owe you an explanation, but I wouldn't ask Kass to fight my battles for me.

Also stop calling us peeps. You're an asshole. Go away. Stop harassing me.

[kylorengarbagedump]

I’m sorry but I’m so annoyed by some of these asks recently like telling you what they want from YOUR story like I get people letting you know what they appreciate about it but like honestly you could throw shit at a wall and these people would read it and be wowing over your newest masterpiece like Kass you’re a good writer and you very obviously know what you’re doing like we as readers THINK we know what we want from a story until YOU actually write it and then we realize how wrong we were and how amazing your writing is I’m sorry I’m just tired of people having like invasive opinions like opinions are fine but they seem so entitled by something you don’t even have to be sharing with us. I wouldn’t blame you if you finished the whole damn story and never published it honestly. I just feel like what they’re focusing on too is so self serving like you are literally making up space engineering off the top of your head that is like dangerously canon before you even watched Rebels and these people are worried about not having anyone to catch RC and Kylo fucking anymore?? Like you guys are worried about the STAKES? Kylo having to PROVE HIMSELF? Are they even reading the same story??? These people don’t know writing, they know READING and escapism and I love both of those things but there’s a reason your story had become so popular when there are literally thousands of other Kylo fics with much higher stakes and him simping for pussy and maybe we’d all be interested in that if the WRITING WAS GOOD but it simply doesn’t compare. I’m sorry for like, going overboard but I just hate to see people hassle writers about what they want from a story like what I want? Is to see YOUR vision like this world that YOU built is what brought me here and I have every confidence that any idea I or these other anons have would only take away from your GENIUS.

Anonymous said to kylorengarbagedump:

I’m not trying to be rude to other anons either like I know they mean well but it’s just crazy to me that people feel so entitled to your work.

Anonymous said to kylorengarbagedump:

I sent all of that before I saw that the stakes anon apologized (not that they needed to) but so many people really treat fan fiction writers like they’re a request line.

--

I wanted to say I was very overwhelmed by the level of passion and support in these asks LOL I am so very grateful to you for your support and being so thoughtful. I firstly would never say anything like my “genius” I’m a weird little freak writing my horny fanfic fhiwuehdifuhwe you’re so sweet to say so and I’m very flattered.

I am also flattered that people have thoughts and ideas for things they want. It’s exciting to me that people feel invested and want to offer feedback. But I also agree it makes me a little stressed, like--oh, am I going in the wrong direction with this? I’ve never written a “sequel” of anything before so I feel confused and nervous on how to make a good “sequel” if that makes sense. I feel there’s a lot that I’m balancing, internally.

In the end, though, this ask made me feel empowered. You’re right that I ultimately just need to focus on the story I want to tell, which is what I have done for many years but since I am trying to continue something, I feel nervous about it, LOL. 

Thank you so much, I love you <3

[jaytopmodelrankings]

I think the pic you used of Kahlen in your contestant summary isn't Kahlen at all but Carmen Kass. I can't blame you since they look super similar, which the judges even mention during her audition.

I thought so too when I first saw it anon! But I triple-checked, and all the sources I could find say that it’s Kahlen, not Carmen (one of them is a Czech database on ANTM models, so who knows really...). It’s honestly so funny to me that they look so similar, though. I kept going back the website to check the caption said Kahlen Rondot because I got so paranoid about it lol. Thanks anyway! x 

[moustache-bonnet]

Wow, ok.

I usually stay out of drama or whatever are you kids calling it, but this is beyond even my own limits which is why I'm calling Maddie out here in the open and publicly. She probably doesn't even know me just like most of the oc community and it's precisely why I'm doing it--because no-one can accuse me of some personal attack on some attention seeking grounds like I've seen some do in the past.

The anon had reached out to Kass probably BECAUSE they had seen that someone is struggling with similar problems to their own. And while ok, you can think what you've written and I see how that can come from a point of wanting to protect your friend from psychological harm, you DO NOT blame someone who had REACHED OUT FOR HELP for being a nuisance IN PUBLIC. What an absolutely shitty and insensitive thing to do. Have you thought for one fucking second about how that can actually worsen the ideas of being too much and useless and a problem, just like we'd immediately seen in the next anon's message? This person probably had to forgo all their boundaries and exit their comfort zone to go and ask for help a person they trusted and you just openly called them out on it. I mean what the actual fuck.

I am so done with this so called community and finally I got my reason to get the fuck away from it, because in the 10 years on this hellsite I have honestly never seen a bunch of people more toxic than this, having to have a say in all the shit that doesn't concern them.

When you see a mutual who you know has problems on their own recieve a possibly triggering message and want to help them, reach out to them personally and don't make your shitty opinions everybody else's problem.

I just want to disappear. I feel selfish for saying it, even to you. There's nothing in my life that should make me feel this way. I have so much but don't deserve any of it. I just wish I could leave it all and not hurt anyone. You're the most resilient person I've ever seen. Please, just point me in the right direction.

First, please find someone to talk to - I will try to stay awake for a little longer yet if you want to talk. There are people better equipped to handle this than me. If you’re in the US https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ , if you’re not in the U.S. a quick Google search should help put you in contact with someone.

Please know there is help out there.

[muffindragon227]

I’ll Keep Your Secrets Safe - Ch. 21

AN: I'm fully going to blame the long wait for this chapter on karma. The morning my life got flipped upside down I had an anon come crying to me about having to wait longer than a month for an update. Then stuff went down with my dad (I’ve posted that on another post).

To make a long story short, I have a permanent house guest for a while now and he takes up a lot of my time, so it's been difficult finding time for myself.

I also want to add that despite my promise to myself that I'd never do it again this chapter broke 10k, and the next one is over 8k so that was part of the wait.

The good news is that Chapter 22 is written, and just needs to be edited. I'm going on my honeymoon in exactly a week and I won't be back until the 20th but I'll try to have it up for the 22nd. No promises though, since life is crazy and I've got to get everything together for my vacation on top of that, but once it's edited I'll have it up.

This chapter is dedicated to Kass from Venus who has been a constant reviewer from the beginning and Princess of Woe for keeping me going these last few weeks. Your excitement has been a huge driving force in getting this chapter and the next one written. :)

                                               Chapter 21: Exposed

Juvia lurched after Lyon. Her heart was in her throat and reality was setting in. She made it halfway towards the den before stopping dead and whirling around to face Gray.

"I'm sorry," Juvia said in a rush. "I promise, I'll explain. I just- I need to go after him."

Gray frowned, but he nodded.

Juvia waited another moment for him to say something, but he didn't. She swallowed hard and fought against the urge to rush back and kiss him again. For once she wanted to say fuck it all, but her conscience won out.

She spun on her heel and raced to catch Lyon. She weaved through the crowd and made it to the front hall just as Lyon finished lacing his boots.

As he rose, he caught sight of her and frowned. He grabbed his coat from where it was dropped and wrenched open the door as he slung it across his shoulders.

Juvia rushed forward and grabbed her boots and coat from the closet. She shoved her feet into the boots, and was out the door, hopping and juggling her jacket as she tried to get her boots on right, while still keeping Lyon in sight. The cold bit into her skin, but she ignored it. She hoped she'd left her gloves and hat in her pockets, but it was too late to go back and grab them if she hadn't.

Instead she stumbled after Lyon onto the barely lit street, and hoped he'd wasn't planning on going too far.

Lyon could hear Juvia scrambling to keep up with him. The thud of her boots against the pavement, and the occasional crunch of ice, mixed with her laboured breathing were constant confirmations of her presence. He refused to slow down though.

His thoughts were a mess, and a dozen negative emotions bubbled beneath the surface, ready to boil over the second he stopped.

He was livid. Furious, and feeling betrayed, even though he knew he shouldn't be. Not this much. Yes, she'd kissed Gray, but it wasn't like he hadn't seen it coming. Lyon knew she'd developed feelings for him. Hell, with the way Gray was talking tonight, Lyon was pretty sure it wasn't the least bit one-sided.

He took a deep breath, the cold air burned his nose and throat, but he relished it, along with the smell of pine needles. He glanced around, realizing he'd stormed straight into the park at the end of the street.

It didn't surprise him. He use to come here all the time in high school, any time he'd had a bad day, or whenever Gray had friends over. He glanced at the playground up ahead, and slowed his pace a little. The sight of it eased his mind.

When he thought about the way Gray genuinely seemed to care about Juvia, it didn't bother him. It was actually a bit sweet, and probably the main reason Lyon hadn't straight out decked Gray.

But at the same time, Gray had made it clear he wasn't going to get in the way of Juvia's relationship. So then what the hell was that kiss? Sure, Juvia and Lyon weren't together, but Gray didn't know that. What exactly did Juvia think was going to come of this? And what if someone else had walked in on them?

Had this been what she wanted to tell him earlier? That she was tired of keeping up with their act? That she wanted to call it off?

"Can we please stop and talk about this already?" Juvia huffed.

Lyon clenched his teeth, but halted. His hands clenched and his nails bit painfully into the palm of his hands, reminding him that he hadn't even put on gloves while running out the door. He fished his gloves out of his pockets, and pulled them on.

Snow crunched under Juvia's boots as she came to a halt behind him, but she didn't reach out for him.

For that Lyon was grateful.

Finally he turned to face Juvia.

She was standing about two feet away from him, shivering. Her coat's buttons were askew and she alternated between rubbing her bare hands together for warmth and trying to unbutton them.

Lyon rolled his eyes. "Didn't you grab gloves?"

Juvia shook her head. She'd managed to get her coat undone, but was struggling to button it properly.

Lyon huffed and stomped over to her. "Stick your hands in your pockets before they go numb."

Juvia did as she was told, quietly waiting as Lyon buttoned her coat for her. Her fingers hurt and she clenched her fists in an attempt to warm them. Lyon took a step back once she was done, and Juvia met his gaze. "Lyon, I'm so sorry."

"Are you?" He asked as he glared back at her.

Juvia flinched.

"'Oh Lyon, I swear there's nothing going on between us'." Lyon mocked, voice going high to mimic her. "That was a load of bullshit. When are you gonna stop lying to me about everything?"

Juvia frowned and opened her mouth to protest. Instead she clenched her jaw and slammed her eyes shut. She took one deep breath, then another before her shoulders sagged and the tension fled her body. When she opened her eyes again she was staring at her feet instead of him. "I wasn't- I didn't plan for it to go like this."

Lyon carded his hand through his hair, only to find the sensation of thick leather fingers more agitating than soothing. He let out a long frustrated exhale. "Maybe not, but you can't tell me you didn't want it to. You're not oblivious to this shit."

"Okay, I get it!" Juvia snapped. Her head fell back and she stared up at the sky eyes closed and teeth gritted. "Yes, I wanted him to kiss me, I have for a while."

Lyon's scowl deepened. How long was a while? And why did he get the feeling there was more that she wasn't telling him. "A while? I knew you liked him, but I thought you had it under control."

"So did I," Juvia mumbled.

"Well turns out you didn't, and neither did Gray apparently." Lyon threw his hands up in the air and began to pace the pathway. "You know, a couple hours ago he was going on about not coming between us? Clearly that went right out the window at the first chance he got."

"Lyon…."

"You know I almost believed that he respected me. That he genuinely cared about how I felt-"

"Lyon! Stop! This wasn't his fault." Juvia planted herself in front of Lyon's path, grabbing his arms to stop him. She gave him a pleading look. "He wasn't even gonna kiss me. I said okay and then he barely pecked me and I… I lost myself."

Lyon wrenched out of her grasp, frustrated with the idea that Juvia was willing to shoulder the blame on this. "He sure as hell had no problem going along with it."

"No, but I don't think-"

"You don't think what? That he had a choice in the matter? He had you pressed up against the wall, not the other way around," Lyon hissed.

Juvia's palm smacked against Lyon's chest shoving him hard enough that he stumbled backwards. "Stop being an asshole and listen to me!"

Lyon stared at her wide-eyed, his whole body tense from the push. She'd never used force with him before, not while they were fighting.

"I think Gray knows you're gay."

"What! How?"

"I don't know! I tried telling you earlier; after that fight with your Mom…. I just, I feel like he knows," Juvia said, staring at him warily.

Lyon glared at her. "And how the hell would he have found out?"

It was one thing from Ultear to know, but Gray was a whole other ballgame. One that Lyon was terrified of unleashing.

"Are you seriously implying that I told him?" Juvia asked, glaring back at him. "Because I'm pretty sure he's known for a while now."

Lyon's gloved hands sunk into his hair, pulling at it in frustration. He took a deep breath and forced himself to relax. As mad as he was he knew Juvia would never out him on purpose. "No, I'm not. I just don't see how he could know, and you keep saying a while but, like, when is that? You just figured it out tonight, so how do you figure he's known for longer?”

“Well,” Juvia’s brow furrowed as she stared at the field. “There was what he said to your mom, that was when it really stood out to me… but well, he mentioned something Wednesday night-“

"Uh, we were out all night on Wednesday. We didn't get home until like three and well…." Lyon shifted uncomfortably as he remembered kissing her, much the way Gray had been earlier.

"Yeah, I know, but after we-" Juvia blushed. "When you feel asleep, I couldn't, so I went downstairs. Gray had heard us, and he went down to talk to me and well... he sad it was a problem with you and Sherry."

Lyon rolled his eyes and folded his arms over his chest.

"I told him off for it, told him that I'd take you over my other options anyways because at least you loved me and wouldn't leave me for an nicer rack. And he kinda implied…" Juvia bit her lip.

"He implied?" Lyon prompted.

"He said 'Not for a nicer rack.'"

Lyon swallowed and let the comment wash over him. It was a typical jab, the kind of thing Bacchus would say. "He was being an ass."

"I thought so too, but after what he said to your mom…. Do you really believe that?" Juvia asked.

Lyon sighed and scratched the back of his neck. He stared at the empty swing set and before he could think about it his feet carried him to them.

The chains gave a loud cachuck as he collapsed onto one of the the swing seats.

Juvia had followed him and eased herself down to perch on the remaining swing, keeping her hands stuffed deep into her pockets.

Lyon sat there for a minute, staring up at the sky in contemplation. His foot pushed against the ground rocking him back and forth. Finally he looked at her. "No, I guess I don't."

"I don't either. And it's not the first time he said something like that. When we were out at the mall and you were talking to Chelia he made a similar comment. The only thing I can think of that makes any sense is that he knows you're gay, and he thinks I don't know."

Lyon nodded. It fit what Gray had said earlier, about Juvia being devoted to him and the frustration he felt over the whole thing. But that meant Gray's known for a while, and left the question of how?

It couldn't have been Juvia, and if Gray was making comments as early as the mall, then nothing from Wednesday tipped him off. Had Ultear known before? Had she known all along, and never said anything? It didn't make sense though. For her to say nothing to him but then tell Gray, and to leave out the fact that Juvia knew….

That applied to Mered too. But no one else kne-

"You said he said something about Chelia right?" Lyon asked, his mind connecting the dots.

Juvia leaned against the cold metal chain and nodded. "He found it odd that I was comfortable leaving you alone with her." Juvia frowned. "Actually, he was pretty freaked out that I'd leave you alone with Sherry too."

"That's because Sherry was the one to tell him."

"Why would Sherry tell him?"

Lyon sighed and fished out his phone from his coat pocket, and stilled the swing. "I'm not sure, but who else could it be?"

Juvia bit her lip and shrugged.

Lyon pulled off his glove, and began scrolling through his contacts.

"What are you doing?" Juvia asked.

Lyon found Sherry's name and clicked the call button. "Finding out for sure."

The phone rang. Once, twice, three times; Lyon was almost certain it was about to go to voicemail when he heard the line go clear.

"Mm, hello?" Sherry's voice was rough and dazed as though she'd just woken up.

Guilt bubbled up in Lyon's chest. He'd forgotten that it was the middle of the night. "Um, hey Sherry."

"Lyon?"

In the background he could hear a man's voice grumble, "What the hell does he want?"

"Yeah. Look I'm sorry for calling so late." He was about to tell her he'd call back, but then he remember exactly why he'd called in the first place. Frustration and annoyance overrode ingrained courtesy. "Did you tell Gray I was gay?"

There was a pause, and he could hear the covers shuffling on the other end. "He told you?"

Well that answered that question, but it brought up quite a few more.

"When did you tell him? Why the hell would you tell him? Why didn't you think to tell me?" Lyon spat.

"Lyon…." Juvia warned. He glanced over at her and she shook her head. "Ease off."

Lyon scowled at her, but took a deep breath and tried to calm down. The damage was already done, now all he could do was try to find a way to mitigate it as much as possible. For that he needed answers. "Sorry, I just… there's kinda a lot going on right now and this definitely complicates things even more than they already are. Which freaks me out and I really need to know where the hell I stand in this mess."

"Can't you ask Gray?" Sherry asked.

"Not really, no." Lyon jiggled his leg, and the chains rattled with the movement. More than anything he wanted to reach through the phone and strangle his ex. She wasn't being particularly helpful.

Sherry sighed. "Fine, give me a minute." He heard more shuffling and then her voice, only fainter. "Sorry, I'll take this into the other room. Go back to sleep."

"Why was he yelling at you?" Ren grumbled.

"I accidentally told his brother something I shouldn't have. I promise it's nothing serious, go back to sleep," Sherry said.

Ren grumbled something Lyon couldn't hear, and again there was creaking and the rustle of sheets. Finally Lyon caught him say, "Stay in bed, I'll make us some coffee."

"But-"

"Lyon?" Juvia peered over at him in concern.

Lyon pulled the phone away from his ear. "She's talking to Ren."

Juvia nodded, and fidgeted on her swing. She pulled her hands out of her coat and ran them along her arms.

Lyon had to give it to her, she was sticking around to see this through even though she must have been freezing.

"Lyon? Are you there?" Sherry's voice called out.

Lyon returned the phone to his ear. "Yeah, sorry. Everything okay?"

"Um, yeah…. Ren's just being a bit over protective," she admitted.

"It's fine. I guess I can understand it from his perspective."

"I promise he won't say anything to anyone! He doesn't usually talk much anyways."

Lyon let out a bark of laughter. "Yeah Chelia mentioned something about that."

Sherry giggled. "Yeah, she's not a fan, but she's been better since talking to you."

"Well that's good." Lyon leaned into the chain feeling a bit more at ease. The line was silent for a moment and Lyon picked at the hem of his coat, waiting to let her compose herself.

"I swear it was an accident."

Lyon hummed in response. He wasn't sure how one accidentally outs their ex, let alone to his homophobic brother, but he doubted interrupting would get him a faster answer.

"We ran into each other a few weeks after you left, and he was livid. Came up to me and started tearing into me about the whole thing," Sherry said.

"He did?" Lyon had known that Gray was upset about it, but he didn't think Gray's concern extended that far. For Gray to go out of his way and confront Sherry was something Lyon hadn't expected.

"Mhmm, at first he caught me off guard and I just stood there. I'd felt so guilty for so long, but I was hurt when you left. Heartbroken even. I snapped."

She took a deep breath. Lyon could hear the clunk of something being set down and the bed groaning under added weight. "I thought he knew. That he, and Bacchus, and the others had said all those things because they knew, and suddenly I was yelling back at him. I yelled at him because I couldn't yell at you."

Lyon felt guilt churn in his stomach all over again.

He regretted the way things ended with Sherry. He'd hurt her far more than she'd ever hurt him, and he could only imagine how upset and frustrated she would have been, being confronted like that, once she knew the truth. Her cheating on him had given him the out he needed. Proof that the whole thing wasn't working for her either.

"I'm sorry," He mumbled. "I didn't think he'd bother. If I had I would have told him to leave you alone. I mean, I forced my mom to, and that wasn't an easy feat."

Sherry let out a breathy laugh. "Yeah, well, she still glares at me if she sees me."

Lyon grimaced. "Sorry, I'll talk to-"

"Don't worry about it, it's not a big deal." There was a moment's pause over the line. "Gray promised he wouldn't say anything until he talked to you. I made him swear it and he didn't put up much of a fight. He actually looked like he'd seen a ghost."

Lyon swallowed hard. He'd been home for days now and Gray hadn't said a thing about it. Sure, they hadn't been alone much, but Lyon figured that would be the kind of thing Gray would be itching to get off his chest. Especially if he'd kept it a secret for two whole years.

Why Gray hadn't was beyond him, but Lyon had to admit Juvia was right. Gray had changed. Why, Lyon wasn't sure; maybe it was guilt, maybe something more more….

"He never mentioned it," Lyon confessed. "Then how did you-"

"Juvia figured it out. He's been talking to her, and some of the things he's said finally added up today."

"Oh." There was a pause on the other end. "But isn't she your girlfriend?"

Lyon laughed. "No! God no. I learned my lesson on that. She's my best friend, but we get mistaken for a couple a lot, so I begged her to be my beard. Didn't want to come back here and face this hell hole alone, and she's crazy, so she agreed."

Juvia snorted indignantly.

He could hear Sherry let out a long exhale of relief. "Thank God. I was ready to kill you when Chelia told me you had a new girlfriend."

"Well, put away your pitchfork. She knows."

"Good." There was another long pause. "Shouldn't you both be at home right now? The party's tonight right?"

Lyon grimace. "Yeah, I should actually head back. I just…. Shit happened, I needed some air."

Sherry hummed. "I really am sorry I didn't tell you about it. I just figured you'd freak out. Things were already bad between us, I didn't want to make it worse."

"It's fine. I mean, no real harm done. I don't think he's told anyone." Lyon said.

"I'm glad. Chelia said you promised to stop by before you left?" Sherry prompted.

Lyon sighed and carded his hand through his hair. "Yeah I did, is that okay? If it's not I can figure someth-"

"It's fine, it would be good to see you again." She said. "I miss you."

Lyon smiled. "Yeah? Me too. And it would be nice to get a chance to meet your future hubby. He sounds like a good guy."

"Maybe pop by next week sometime? Once things quiet down?" Sherry let out a loud yawn.

"For sure." Lyon nodded even though she couldn't see it. "I should let you get back to sleep, I'll text you after Christmas and we can make plans."

"Sounds good."

"Night Sherry."

"Night Lyon, good luck with Gray."

"Thanks." Lyon pulled the phone from his ear and clicked to end the call. He let his arm drop and shifted so he could stuff his phone back into his coat pocket.

"That seemed to go well, and you got the answers we needed," Juvia said.

Lyon glanced her way, and they locked eyes.

She smiled at him, but she was visibly shivering having been out in the cold for too long while under-dressed.

They needed to head back, but there was still something niggling at the back of Lyon's mind. Something that said he didn't quite have all the pieces yet. He screwed up all of his courage and decided it was time to dive straight in. No more pussyfooting around. "Yeah, about that. Are you ready to tell me the truth about you and Gray?"

Juvia's eyes widened. "W-what?"

Lyon stared back at her, unwilling to buy into the charade any longer. "Juvia, I know you're keeping something from me, I just don't know what. I know you like Gray, and you know, I'm not even that upset about it…. So just tell me the truth, whatever it is, so we can figure out a plan and go home before you freeze to death."

Juvia blushed and looked away, instead focusing on the field of snow before them. She stared out at it, her breath fogging against the darkness.

Lyon huffed impatiently, certain she wasn't gonna say anything.

"He kissed me."

Lyon rolled his eyes. "Yeah I kinda noticed."

Juvia shook her head. "Before. Wednesday night, actually."

"I'm sorry, what?" Lyon stared at her in disbelief. Tonight wasn't the first time they'd kissed?

"He…." Juvia let out a long breath and turned to look at Lyon. Her right hand rose to brush against the back of her neck, and she blushed. "I broke down in the downstairs bathroom. I think he heard me, he was frustrated with you, and told me I deserved better after looking after you all night. I threw the things you told me about him in his face and then I- I threw what Bora did in his face too, and he just…."

Tears were pooling in Juvia's eyes and she brushed them away.

Lyon's heart clenched. He remembered how she'd broken down the next morning, how guilty she'd felt. It never occurred to him that she'd been unable to sleep; that she might have needed comfort that night. He frowned at the thought of Gray taking advantage of her in that moment.

Juvia's eyes locked with Lyon's. "He looked me in the eyes and told me I deserved better than that too."

Or Gray could have told her exactly what she needed to hear, and some how managed to comfort her in her time of need. A part of Lyon felt put out by the fact that it was Gray that had been there for her, but mostly he felt grateful that someone had been there at all.

"After that there was a tequila shot, because he thought I'd taken you out to get you drunk, and then I stupidly told him that I'd taken you out to dance, and suddenly there was Hozier, and he was asking me to dance, and the kitchen was all moonlit and I don't know what he was thinking, and I knew it was going to lead to trouble, but I just…. I wanted to feel wanted. You know?" Juvia pleaded.

Lyon nodded, as he rose off the swing. Of course he knew what that felt like, it'd been the entire reason he'd kissed her in the first place. Long strides brought him to her, and he bent to wrap her in a hug.

"It's okay," he whispered in her ear. "I get it."

He held her like that for a few moments before pulling away and crouching in front of her. He gingerly wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"There was this small brush of his lips against the back of my neck and I- I thought it was a mistake, but then he kissed me again, and I freaked. I freaked and I bolted, and he didn't come after me, and I kinda just thought that was that. That it was a mistake, some crazy in the moment thing, and he's been so careful not to let it happen again, or to get too close…."

Lyon's thumb brushed over her hand.

Juvia took a deep breath. "Realizing that all this time he's been trying to warn me, that he knew and he wanted to say something, but respected you enough not to and me enough to keep his distance and respect a relationship he knew wasn't real…."

Lyon nodded. It was a whole different way to see Gray, and he couldn't blame her for finding it incredibly attractive. "It's okay. Really. Even if he was an ass I don't think I could actually hold it against you, but he's not, and I want you to be happy."

Juvia stared at him in shock.

"I'm serious, I'm backing off. Besides I think he really likes you back so-"

"You do?" Juvia looked at him with hopeful eyes.

"Yeah, I think he's really convinced you're in love with me, but I mean that kiss probably is at least giving him second thoughts." Lyon smirked at her and Juvia smiled back.

His phone buzzed, breaking through the silence. It vibrated against his thigh and Lyon sighed, fishing it back out again. As he caught sight of the text his whole body tensed and his stomach roiled. "We've got a problem."

Juvia's smile faltered and she cocked her head to the side.

Lyon offered her the phone and watched as she read the text.

Juvia paled. Her eyes met his, and were wide with panic.

The text was from his mom; demanding to know where he was and what happened between Gray and Juvia.

The phone vibrated again, and Juvia practically jumped out of her skin. She held it back out towards him as though the device itself was going to gut her.

Lyon grabbed it, dreading what his mother had written.

Ur: I swear to God that girl has some nerve!

Her next message popped up even as he was reading the first.

Ur: How completely ungrateful can she be?

Ur: I'm not tolerating this any more, she can't insult my husband and cheat on my child and just expect to get away with it. The second she gets back here she's packing her bags.

Lyons hand clutched the phone tighter. He glared down at the device, extremely grateful Juvia wasn't reading the slew of texts coming in. He ground his teeth and seethed. He wasn't about to abandon Juvia and send her off two days before Christmas, not after everything she'd been through.

"We gotta head back, she's pitching a fit," Lyon growled.

Juvia hesitated, her fingers curling around his wrist. "Shouldn't we have a plan?"

Lyon glanced at her, with eyebrows raised. "Right." He took a deep breath, but his heart hammered in his throat. Cana saw them kiss, Erza saw them kiss. They could maybe convince Gray to go along with something, but he doubted that the others would. "I've got nothing."

Juvia swallowed hard. "Me neither. What do we do?"

Lyon shrugged. He had no clue. "Well, usually I'd say we throw Gray under the bus, but I'm guessing that's not really an option?"

"Lyon." Juvia glared at him. "We're not throwing Gray under the bus."

Lyon sighed dramatically. "See this was what I was afraid of, you fall in love with him and now I'm left to fend for myself! What ever happened to bros before hoes?"

Juvia rolled her eyes. Before Lyon could think about it her hand pushed against his chest, sending him careening into the snow. His hands caught him before he fell all the way back, but he could already feel the cold seeping through his jacket and gloves. He pouted.

"Don't even try to make me feel guilty," Juvia said, standing so that she towered right over top of him. "Technically Gray is your bro, which means I'm the hoe and you better believe I'm gonna knock you on your ass for a comment like that."

"Pfft. Okay, I could have seen that one coming." He raised his hands up and made grabbing motions like a child.

Juvia reached down and grabbed his hands, and hauled him up onto his feet.

Lyon dusted off his jacket and sighed. "I guess the only solution is for me to come out."

Juvia froze, and stared up at him wide-eyed. "Are you sure?"

No. Anxiety twisted his stomach into knots just saying the words, but they didn't have many other options.

"You don't have to come out," Juvia insisted, her hand rested on his forearm.

"You say that, but I don't see how you could possibly lie your way out of this one," Lyon said.

Juvia bit her lip and averted her gaze. Her voice was low and trembled as she spoke. "I can leave. Tell them that we broke up over the kiss. I can crash at the bus station, then take the first bus home in the morning."

"What? No way!" Lyon's heart hammered and he glowered at her.

Did she really think he'd let her do that? Sure he asked her to pretend to date him so he could avoid having to come out, but he'd never agree to abandon her at Christmas. Not so he could maintain the charade.

"But-"

"No!" He grabbed her by the arms, and his body shook with anger and pain. "Do you really think I care more about my secrets than your happiness? Than your safety? I don't care where you grew up, like hell I'm letting you sleep in a bus shelter. Or spend Christmas alone on a bus!"

Juvia averted her gaze, but Lyon could see the tears welling at the corners of her eyes. "It's not a big deal-"

"Bullshit! What do I need to do or say to get it through your thick skull that I care about you? If you go, you lose everything you just gained. I'd never do that to you!"

"I know…. But this was my fault, I got-"

"Oh my god, stop. Seriously. And you call me the drama queen? You like Gray, he likes you, you kissed; this wouldn't be an issue if I hadn't asked you to pretend to be my girlfriend. You've done enough for me, it's time I actually did something for myself," Lyon said.

"Lyon…." Juvia pushed through his grasp, and threw herself against him. Her arms wrapped tightly about his waist.

Lyon stumbled, but he managed to catch his footing before the two of them landed in the snow. He let out a long sigh before curling his arms around her, pulling her tight to his chest. A large part of him was terrified of what was to come, but he knew it was the right thing to do.

Besides, she belonged with his family. Who knows, if all went well she would end up being an official member of it.

He smiled as he remembered that Mered had suggested something along the same lines. He wondered if coming out would allow him a second chance. He doubted it, but he'd cross that bridge when he got there.

He planted a soft kiss on the crown of Juvia's forehead. "Come on. Let's go home."

They weren't even in the door when Ur came barrelling towards them from the living room. "There you are! It's about time you got back here. I want an explanation, what do you have to say for yourself!"

Juvia backed right into the door and Lyon stepped in front of her without thinking. "Mom you need to calm down, we can explain."

"You shouldn't have to explain anything!" Ur screamed, seething at Juvia.

"Yes he does!" Gray shouted, his heavy stomps reverberated against the floorboards as he stormed into the foyer. "I told you, this isn't on Juvia, you don't know half of what's going on."

Ur spun on him faster than Lyon had ever seen. "That's enough! I said I'd deal with you later, now go sit down!"

"No!" He shouted back. He foot stomped against the ground

Silver and Ultear appeared behind him, both looking agitated.

"Gray, now's not the time to be throwing tantrums," Silver warned. His frown shifted from his son, to Juvia and Lyon could see her shrink under the disapproval.

Lyon's gut twisted, and his hand reached back to grab hers as and his frustration mounted. This wasn't going well, and no one would shut up long enough for him to get a word in.

"I'm not!" Gray's eyes met Lyon's and he glared at him. "You need to tell them the truth, all of them! If you don't I will, I don't care if you hate me for it!"

"Gray don't," Juvia pleaded. "Just calm down, it's okay."

"No it's not," he growled. "You don't understand!"

"Yes, I do. Just trust me," Juvia said

Ultear scoffed. "That's rich, why should he? You've been lying to us since you got here."

"Ultear," Lyon growled.

"Save it Lyon. I'm with Gray it's time you two came clean." Ultear said.

"I'm trying to, if you'd all just shu-"

"Stop twisting this around on your brother! I can't believe both of you! I raised you all better than this!" Ur screamed.

"Mom enough! Listen to me for once!" Lyon screamed back.

"No, don't let her manipulate you into thinking this is your fault, because it's not! I've watched her twist you and everyone else in this family around and I'm not going to keep letting her do it."

"She's not manipulating me, if you'd just listen-"

"Yes she is!"

"No! She's not! She can't be, because I'm gay and I don't give a damn that she kissed Gray!"

Silence filled the foyer so suddenly, Lyon wondered if time had stopped. He took a shaky breath and met his mom's eyes.

Ur stared at him wide eyed, and mouth agape, but no words came out. Her eyes darted back and forth between him and Juvia, but her frown remained in place.

All eyes were on him, and for the longest time the only sound was their breathing. Juvia's hand squeezed his tighter as they waiting for someone to say something.

"Mom?" Lyon's voice quivered, and he hated it. He hated the way she was looking at him, as though he was a ghost, or some stranger she'd never met.

Ur slammed her eyes shut. She inhaled deeply, and her whole body shook. When she opened her eyes her gaze was sharp. "I need a moment."

She didn't wait for a response. She spun on her heel and strode back into the living room.

Silver paused, offering Lyon and Juvia a worried glance before sighing and following Ur.

Lyon's heart sank as they disappeared, and he wondered how he managed to remain standing.

Lyon felt Juvia's hand squeeze his. The tips of her fingers skated against the back of his hand. He focused on the feeling as he struggled to ground himself in reality. He took a breath in; then out. He forced his eyes to move about the room taking in the details.

Gray was the closest thing to him, and stood directly between Lyon and the living room doorway.

Gray sighed and scratched the back of his neck as he stared after their parents. Slowly his gaze shifted to meet Juvia's. "You doing okay? I've been trying to warn you but-"

"It's fine, I already knew," Juvia said, straightening now that she was no longer being screamed at.

"Huh?" Gray wrinkled his nose in confusion.

"She knows he's gay, they're not really dating," Ultear said, drawing Lyon's gaze to her. She leaned back against the banister for the stairs and scoffed, folding her arms over her chest. "So you can't come out for Mered, but you'll come out for her?"

Lyon flinched, and struggled to form a defense. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth, and he couldn't think straight over the pounding of his heart and the ragged sounds of his breathing.

No matter how many times he'd imagined this moment it had never gone like this.

"Ultear, that's not-"

"You've been lying to us all this time?" Gray spat, interrupting Juvia.

She froze, and the silence between them stretched for an eternity. She eased out from behind Lyon and shuffled forward so that she could stand by his side. She gave his hand another squeeze before replying. "Yes."

"Has anything been true with you?" Gray demanded.

"Of course." Juvia frowned.

"Like what?" Ultear said. "All of Wednesday was a lie."

Lyon took a shaky breath. He could hear them, but he struggled to process the conversation. Why were they upset about this? They were fine with Mered being gay, so why couldn't they understand? He wanted to scream. To tell them to shut up. But the words lodged in his throat. His chest tightened and he let out a whimper.

Juvia's words died at the sound and she spun around to face him. Her whole face softened as she took in his appearance. "Hey, hey-"

"I wanna go home." Lyon's whole body was quivering and his eyes pleaded with Juvia.

"You are home," Ultear snapped.

Lyon shook his head.

"Lyon…." Juvia's hands cupped his cheeks, as her eyes searched his

"Seriously? You're just gonna bail on us?" Gray asked.

Juvia whipped her head around. "Oh my god! Can you both stop! You're not helping."

"Well, he's being ridiculous." Ultear said. "We're his family; he can't keep running away from us because he doesn't want to face reality."

Lyon let out a choked sob. The last bit of self restraint broke and tears streaked down his face as sobs racked his body. His knees gave out and he crumpled to the ground in a heap by the door. He new he looked like a mess and he hated being so vulnerable. He's never let his family see him like this.

Juvia was down beside him in an instant, and her arms wrapped around him protectively. She shielded him and let him break apart in her arms.

"They hate me," Lyon whispered against her chest.

"No they don't," Juvia said.

"I should never have come back here."

"That's not true."

"My mom's never gonna look at me again."

"Lyon, look at me," Juvia insisted, her hands cupped his face to force him to comply.

He did. His blurred gaze caught on Gray and Ultear, who were hovering a foot away, with concerned frowns.

"Look at me," Juvia said, brushing the tears from his face even as more fell to take their place.

When their eyes met, Lyon felt a small measure of calm wash over him. The tears didn't stop, but the sobs lessened and he found himself breathing easier.

"Your family doesn't hate you, they love you. All of them. They're upset right now, but it'll pass." Her hand brushed away more tears.

He shook his head. It wouldn't.

"It wasn't a mistake to come home, you've made so much progress with Gray and you've been really happy being back here." One of her hands slipped from his cheek to his shoulder as his tears slowed.

He swallowed and took a deeper breath. It wasn't entirely true, but there had been moments when he was happy to be home. When he felt like things were going in the right direction.

"As for your mom, she just needs a minute to absorb everything, she'll be back out to talk to you. She was angry at Gray and I when you told her, and I'm sure she just didn't want that anger to come out at you." Juvia leaned forward and kissed his forehead then pulled him into a hug.

Lyon leaned into her embrace and held her tight. "I fucked up."

"We fucked up, we lied about a lot of things. That's why they're upset, no one is mad that you're gay." Juvia's hands ran up and down the length of his back, easing the ache in his heart.

"I'm scared," he whispered, nuzzling against her shoulder.

"I know, but I'm here. It's going to be fine, and if it really gets bad then I'll drag you to the car and drive until we're miles away; but you gotta give them a chance."

A foreign hand landed on his left shoulder and Lyon turned his head to find Ultear crouched beside them. "I'm not upset you're gay. I'm hurt that you thought you couldn't tell me; that you couldn't rely on me. You're my baby brother I'm supposed to protect you."

A fresh wave of tears streamed down Lyon's cheeks as he released Juvia and flung his arms around Ultear. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

It took a moment for Ultear to wrap her arms back around him, but when she did relief flooded through Lyon. That was one person who was okay with it.

A thump against the door drew Lyon's attention and he found Gray leaning back against it.

Gray stared at Lyon for a moment before running a hand through his hair and letting out a loud sigh. His head fell back against the door with thunk. "I really don't have an issue with it. I get why you'd think I do, though. I've spent the last two years wishing I could go back and make it right. I can't even be mad at you, cause this is all on me."

Lyon used his sweater to wipe the tears from his eyes, certain that he was seeing things. But when he looked back up, Gray's eyes were glassy. They stared at each other for a long time, before Lyon shook his head. "It's not all you."

The tension that had been strung through Gray's body loosened and relief flooded his features. He nodded, then clapped a hand on Lyon's shoulder.

Heels clacked against the hardwood and Lyon's stomach knotted all over again, as he turned his head to peer at the living room entrance.

"Alright, clearly we need to talk abo-" Ur halted in the doorway, stunned by the sight before her.

Juvia shifted closer to Lyon instinctively, her arm wrapping around him protectively and Lyon leaned into her.

Ur's eyes narrowed, but she said nothing, her gaze taking in all of them huddled together on the entrance mat.

Lyon's heart hammered against his chest, making the silence unbearable. "Mom, please… say something."

Ur strode forward before dropping down to her knees in front of him, with her arms held wide. "Come here baby."

Lyon lurched forward into her arms, wrapping himself up in her embrace. "I'm sorry," he choked. "I'm sorry, please don't be disappointed in me."

"Lyon-"

"Please. I'm sorry, I tried not to be, really!" Lyon sobbed, and clung to her tighter.

"Oh, sweetie… no, never. Lyon I love you, I don't care about that. I'm upset that you've lied to us all, but we can talk about that." She held him closer and stroked his back. "You don't have to be ashamed of who you are, I'm not going to stop loving you."

Lyon forced himself to take a deep breath, as the tears continued to fall. Relief washed over him as he sat there, cradled in his mother's arms. They accepted him, and while she was right, they had a lot to talk about still, it was the closest Lyon had felt to being whole in a long time.

It took several more minutes of tears and murmured words for Lyon to compose himself. Despite being exhausted and worn out, he knew he had a lot of explaining to do. He wanted to suggest they sleep on it, everyone had to be feeling the late hour, but he worried that he might lose his nerve.

Besides, sleep wouldn't come easy until he'd dealt with the whole of this.

"I know I shouldn't have lied, but, if you're willing to, I'd like the chance to explain."

Ur nodded. "How about we all go get comfortable in the living room and we can talk this mess out?"

Lyon nodded. "Sounds good."

"I'll grab a couple bottles from the bar," Ultear said. "We're gonna need something to help steady the nerves."

Ur rolled her eyes but didn't protest. She let Lyon help her to her feet and brushed off her pants.

Juvia placed a ginger hand on Lyon's arm and he glanced over at her. Their eyes met and he could see the concern there.

His hand covered hers and gave it a squeeze. "I'm okay now."

She nodded, and her gaze flickered about the room, before focusing on the floor, and she shifted closer too him.

Lyon wrapped his free arm around her protectively and faced his mom.

Ur took a deep breath in and let her eyes fall onto Juvia, who refused to look up from the floor.

Neither said a word, and Lyon could feel the tension still between them. He ran his hand along Juvia's shoulder, and pulled her closer. He wasn't letting her shoulder this anymore.

She'd only done what he'd asked of her, and found herself caught up in more than she'd expected. She'd lied for him, and now he'd fight tooth and nail for her.

"Come on, let's go sit." He guided Juvia past his mom, and into the living room.

Silver was seated on the couch, head in his hands, looking exhausted and much older than he ever had before. He glanced up as they entered and offered them a small smile. "You kids okay?"

Lyon nodded and smiled back.

Juvia glanced up at him seeming surprised at the question, and then bit her lip. Her gaze once again returned to Ur for a split second, before dropping again. "Y-yeah."

Concern knitted into Silver's brow as he took in Juvia's defeated posture. He glanced at Ur in confusion, and she glanced at Juvia and Lyon in turn.

Lyon ignored Ur's stare, and settled the two of them on the love seat, while Ur settled beside Silver on the couch. His hand found hers and he gave it a small squeeze.

Gray trudged in dragging his feet, before flopping down on the arm chair with his arms crossed along his chest. Ultear was the last to join them, reappearing from the dining room with an arm full of bottles that she set down on the coffee table with a thunk.

Silver immediately reached out and poured himself a glass of whiskey and Ultear refilled her glass of wine before perching on the arm of the couch beside him.

Silence stretched in the room, everyone was glancing around, but no one seemed to know where to start.

Lyon glanced at Juvia once again, and found her staring at her feet. He took a deep breath. "You should all know, none of this was Juvia's idea. I was terrified of coming back here and facing everyone after so long. It's so much easier in Margaret Town." He wrung his hands together, nervous about everything he wanted to say; all that he needed to express.

Juvia placed her hand over his, and he stilled. Their eyes met and she offered him the barest hint of a smile, but it managed to unwind the knots that had been constricting in his gut.

Lyon lifted his head and stared at his family. "I knew I couldn't keep avoiding you all, and I missed being home, but I hated having to hide everything. I hated having to check myself and hold back. When Juvia told me Gajeel wasn't gonna be able to visit her, and she'd be alone for Christmas, and it was kinda like the universe gave me this perfect solution."

"I can't believe you thought lying to us was a perfect solution," Ultear scoffed. "Did you really think you could keep this charade up for two weeks and no one would catch on?"

"It's not much of a charade. We haven't had to act differently. People are always mistaking us for a couple; even people who know Lyon's gay," Juvia explained.

"It's true. I mean, none of you questioned it," Lyon said. "And we didn't have to lie about much."

"Just how we met," Juvia added.

"That wasn't how you met?" Gray asked, glancing back and forth between them in surprise.

"Well, it was," Lyon said.

"Just not the part about me being harassed by guys." Juvia said.

Lyon glanced at her, and sighed. "Yeah, that was actually me. A few guys at school thought it would be fun to give me hard time after my ex and I came out. Juvia was the one to swoop in and save my ass."

"I kinda went off on them," Juvia admitted sheepishly.

"It was bad ass, you were my hero." Lyon smiled at her, before turning back to his family. They were staring at him like he'd grown a second head.

"You two are seriously like this all the damn time?" Ultear groaned.

"Yep."

"Pretty much."

Ur frowned and glanced between them. "You're sure you're not-"

"Very sure," Lyon interjected. He scratched at the back of his neck, as his mind wandered back to Wednesday night. "Trust me."

Ur leaned back into the couch with a sigh. "Okay, well, is there anything else we should know?"

Lyon bit his lip and shifted in his seat. "Umm, well-"

"What about Wednesday?" Ultear prompted, as she folded across her chest.

Lyon glared at her. His date with Mered wasn't something he had any patience to discuss, especially given the way the conversation had gone earlier.

Ur frowned. "Wednesday? The incident with Sherry?"

Lyon felt the guilt bubble up inside him at Ur's concern.

"There wasn't an incident with Sherry," Juvia said. She gave Lyon's hand a squeeze and sat a little straighter.

"Whaddya mean?" Gray frowned. "We went and picked him up. I was there when you got the call."

"There was an issue, it just wasn't about Sherry. I lied because I didn't know what else to tell you," Juvia said.

"Why would you need to lie about that?" Silver asked.

Lyon took a deep breath, readying himself for the fallout. "She lied because I wasn't out with Sherry, I had a date."

"What?" Silver said.

"With who?" Ur asked.

"Who do you think?" Ultear grumbled. "There was a reason Juvia and I got into it earlier."

"Wait, you were with Mered?" Ur asked.

Lyon sighed and nodded. "Yeah."

"But Mered's out, I mean, wouldn't you have known that we knew and were okay with it?" Gray asked.

"I didn't know he knew any of you," Lyon confessed, staring at his hands. "He never told me."

Silver frowned. "But how did you two meet?"

"Online, through a dating site. I don't know, he messaged me. Said he saw I was from a nearby town and I kinda brushed him off at first, since I wasn't out." Lyon explained. "He was persistent though, said he wanted someone to talk to who understood. I never even planned on meeting him until last month."

Gray sat up and leaned forward. "So that day; you were upset because-"

"Things kinda blew up."

Ultear scoffed. "More like you freaked for no reason and he called you out on it."

"I didn't freak for no reason!" Lyon exploded, glaring at her. "I had no idea how any of you would would react. I had no idea he knew how you'd react! In fact, if he knew you, he knew I wasn't out in the first place, so I don't get why he was so shocked."

"He wasn't shocked. He didn't care that you weren't out, he just figured you'd actually want to come out since you were out at school and wanted to date him," Ultear countered.

"Well I might have been a little more open to the idea if he'd bothered to tell me that my entire family knew him," Lyon said. "Hell you could have told me you knew, instead of getting pissed off after the fact."

"I didn't find out until Thursday night. I had no idea you two were even in contact. Why does any of that even matter? Did you honestly think we'd freak out on you? That we'd disown you or something?" Ultear demanded, slamming her fist down on the arm of the couch.

The word yes bubbled on his tongue, ready to poison the room. Lyon bit it back, and clenched his jaw tight to keep the word from spilling forth. No matter how much the voices in his head had suggested that might be the case, deep down he knew he was being dramatic.

He knew they wouldn't have turned him out. Chances were they wouldn't even have spoken out against him. No, the issue was in all the things left unsaid, or in the dismissal of concerns. The easing of ruffled feathers, the constant call for patience and understanding, things they already expected of him with every other situation.

And he would have been. He would have swallowed every poisoned barb thrown his way with nary a complaint. He would have held his head high all the while being rotted from the inside and they would have encouraged it. Praise him for it, even.

Eventually he'd resent them for it. Eventually he would break apart under the pressure and then…. Well, he honestly didn't know, but the thought terrified him.

Ultear frowned, misunderstanding his silence. "Do you think so little of us?"

Lyon shook his head. "No, of course not."

"Just of me," Gray said, meeting Lyon's gaze.

Lyon sighed and closed his eyes, massaging his fingers against his temple. "That's not wha-"

"It's okay," Gray interjected. "I don't blame you for it. After everything I've done, Bacchus and his friends, I don't exactly have the best opinion of myself either."

Lyon let out an exasperated sighed. It was like trying to talk to a rock, or well, maybe not because a rock wouldn't interrupt him or talk over him or assume it knew what he thought and felt.

"Look I know he's a drama queen at times, but it's not as black and white as you're all trying to make this," Juvia stated as she straightened herself. She let her words hang for a moment as she took in everyone in the room, making sure she had their attention.

All of them quieted and stared at her.

It always amazed Lyon how she did that in day to day life. He could command the same attention in a play, or while singing, but never when the words were his own.

"You're all looking at this as some personal attack, like his lack of trust is due to some horrible behaviour that's convinced him you're all homophobic, but it's nothing like that. None of you are horrible people, but it's like I said earlier, you all kinda give the impression that you'd rather not deal with it," Juvia explained.

"Why? Because we don't go picking fights with people every chance we get," Ultear snapped. She glared at Juvia. "Sorry, but none of us have had the opportunity to sweep in and play hero."

Juvia bristled at the accusation. "You think that's all it took? One night and suddenly he was baring his soul to me?"

"That's how you make it sound," Ultear said.

"Well that's not how it went. Sure we've been friends ever since, but it took months of protecting him to get him to trust me," Juvia said. "Months of me chasing off anyone who tried to shame him or bully him, fighting to make a safe space for him. I haven't just been paying him lip service all this time, I've been actively standing by his side, and sometimes in front of him when the need called for it."

"And you think we wouldn't have?" Ur asked. "If we knew-"

"If you knew, he'd have already told you. What you're saying is that he needed to trust you to do something that you wouldn't do unless he spoke up, can't you understand how hypocritical that is?" Juvia huffed. She glowered at Ur.

"Okay, let's all take a step back," Silver said, placing a hand on Ur's and looking at Juvia pointedly. "We're all starting to feel a bit defensive."

Juvia took a deep breath, and leaned back into the love-seat. She glanced over at Lyon and he gave her hand a squeeze.

Ur mirrored the action.

Silver smiled, then surprised Lyon by turning to lock eyes with him, instead of the girls. "We're getting off point. It's late, emotions are running high, and Juvia's right."

Ur frowned at the declaration, but Silver continued anyways, "We're taking Lyon's silence as a lack of trust. And we keep attacking him for it, and Juvia keeps jumping to his defense. But none of us are letting Lyon talk or explain this for himself."

Lyon felt the weight of those words and the task ahead of him settle like a stone over his chest. He was terrible with his words when under stress, and he felt like the whole room was charged to explode. He felt like he'd been handed a match and told not to drop it.

Juvia tightened her grip and leaned into him. "It's okay, just tell them what you've told me. No matter what, I've got you."

Lyon swallowed and nodded.

Ur and Ultear both shifted forward and all eyes were on him. The silence in the room was oppressive, and he felt like a trap waiting to be sprung.

"I'm afraid nothing's gonna change." Lyon held his breath, waiting for the backlash.

He was met with silence and confused frowns, but no one jumped to speak over him. The floor was his; they were all listening for once.

"It's easier to dismiss things when I can tell myself none of you know, that it's not intentional." His leg bounced as he spoke, the words spilling out into the room. "Telling you means having to accept that what you say from there on out is how you feel. That it's what you think is right. I'm afraid you're gonna tell me to stay quiet. Turn the other cheek, be the bigger person, because that's what you always expect of me."

He took a deep breath. It was like drawing poison from the wound, only he wasn't sure what would happen to it. He was waiting for someone to jab it back in. "Only, staying quiet doesn't just mean walking away from an insult, it means don't make waves. Don't give them a reason. It means not kissing my boyfriend in public, or holding his hand and that's not fair. You'd never ask that of someone else. I don't want to spend the rest of my life pretending to be some half person with no emotions in public."

"We wouldn't-"

"You already do." Lyon stared Ur down, causing her word to catch in her throat. "You expect so much more of me than you ever do of Ultear or Gray. I'm tired of it. I can't keep meeting your expectations and that scares me even more, because I don't want to disappoint you, but it feels like no matter what I will."

Ur's shoulders sagged and her lips thinned. "You would never be able to disappoint me. Not by being yourself. I know that I leaned on you a lot as a kid, but I never actually expected you to always rise to the occasion. I still don't. You don't have to meet any of my expectations. All I want is for you to be happy."

Lyon swallowed hard. It was a relief to hear her say that, and to have finally said everything he'd been carrying around, but it still didn't feel like things were resolved.

"I think we forget how much we rely on you. We noticed it that first Christmas, but we've all kinda come together and moved forward. But we never really addressed it as an issue, least of all with you." Ultear said.

"I honestly thought that was why you never came home. I thought that you finally felt free from responsibilities and I couldn't blame you for wanting to enjoy yourself. You deserved it. I didn't realize you were holding so much more in." Ur said.

"It's why we never pushed for you to come home," Silver said. "Or got upset when you'd decline visits."

Lyon shook his head. "I was just afraid you'd come down and someone would out me."

Silver nodded in understanding.

The room fell quiet, but it wasn't as oppressive as before. Lyon felt his fears ebbing away, each beat of his heart pumped new life into him. It wasn't perfect but it was going to be okay.