#I don’t actually have a workable plot

[themirokai]

I’m poking at the idea of doing a Jeeves and Wooster fic and I know that getting Bertie’s voice right would be challenging. So at 3am when I couldn’t sleep I was going through one of the recent stories from the substack and copying down words and phrases he uses that could be inspirational. And then I fell asleep.

And that is why when I woke up this morning and opened my phone, I was greeted by a screen that said

Topping.

[meowthefluffy]

An update on my unfinished au’s!

I have over the last few months fallen deeply out of love with the Sanders Sides series and as a result I have not updated any of my projects in some time. At the current point I am at I am only planning to do the final two installments in the cupid au (because I pretty much lost my affection for the ts series right before the big finale of the project!!) and the lust Roman au (as it is my longest running work to date and I want to comple the project as a show of dedication to my younger self) although it will most likely be on a much quicker time scale than I was intending originally! (Instead of the 11 more parts I was hoping to produce it will probably be closer to 5 and I will most likely skip a few parts of the story that weren’t as important)

I feel a lot of affection for the work I have created but not a lot for the actual series so I’m trying to find a way to rework the stories I’ve created for the au’s to become independent creations that I will enjoy continuing to make! (Aside from the Lust au which I feel is mostly a story I don’t feel the need to come back to/rework since it relies so heavily on the source material) Most of my au’s function as stories mostly separate from canon material except for the characters archetypes present in each, so I’ll be working on retooling/reskinning said work to be more original and workable as long term projects! (Since u guys were really invest in my plots which had almost nothing to do with the canon characterization)

I’m currently working on retooling the Zombie au (Which I used as heavy inspiration for my oc Sophia I sometimes post about and her girlfriend) the Cupid au (I’m putting together more creative designs for the characters so that I can hopefully redo the comic- since I’m super in love with the concept) The sleeping beauty au (since it functions entirely the same as a stand alone story- and I could use the designs of my princess characters from that comic I made a long time ago for Valentine’s Day ) and the Super hero au! (Which I never properly defined and thus have a lot of incomplete ideas for, and my only struggle is coming up with better super hero names for them)

The only one of my main au’s I probably won’t rework is the Evil king au- just because I’m not sure how I could retool it to not just be a story about abuse(I feel more comfortable creating a story where everything is horrible and bad and the people involved are just bad for eachother when it’s an au- because there is other work of those characters where they aren’t that way to balance it out- but if it were my own new characters I feel as though it wouldn’t be nearly as fun to read or write)

This is a series of decisions I’ve been trying to wait on for a long time because I have been hoping something sanders Sides related would come out soon that would re spark my interest but nothing so far has happened- and with the way the story is going I don’t think it’s something that is going to happen. I still love all the work I have created for this fandom and I am so proud of all the collaborative projects I have been able to create with you all! I will happily re-read your asks and comments on my comics and I am still really proud of the community I’ve been able to create!

I’m sad to let this part of my life go (it’s taken up a solid 4th of my lifetime) and I understand that a lot of you all won’t follow me to my new projects- because I understand you guys didn’t come here for random oc projects- or original comics. And Altho it breaks my heart to see some of you move on and leave my notifications I am happy I the time with you all that I did!

Thank you all for everything- and I’ll see you soon 💖

[thatgirlonstage]

.

I’m sure the person who made the og post has played with some annoying CR fans but jfc the critiques they have on one thread I saw are nonsensical. “It’s scripted bc they make fancy battle maps and the players know they have to go into an encounter unlike in a home game” have you never played a module? Had a DM custom make a battle map or really cool mini? Heard of a BBEG boss fight? Yeah sometimes encounters get subverted but 1) that happens in real play too, and 2) it is also a true thing that plenty of people in home games go into encounters understanding they are going to have a Big Cool Fight and they go along with the setup on purpose bc they /want/ to have the Big Cool Fight because it’s??? Fun??? The idea that you should be ADVERSERIAL to the story beats that your DM is trying to set up is imo way more fucking likely to be harmful to your ttrpg experience than any misplaced expectations from real plays. “The players care about Big Story Moments instead of actually important things like logistics and minmaxing” do I just play with too many theatre kids to understand this perspective. Why are you out here talking like people don’t or can’t play dnd for the narrative. Like you can play it as a war game if you wanna but you don’t have to?? If you’ve played with somebody who can’t be assed to learn how their character works mechanically then I’m sorry, that sucks, but it’s not in opposition to caring about the character and the story as narrative. “DMs in real plays drop massive shocking story reveals but this never happens in home games bc everyone universally agrees it is more fun when players figure things out for themselves” 1) which real plays are you watching, because every single one I have watched always drops plenty of hints about major plot reveals, and 2) lmao? Three or four sessions ago our DM revealed an NPC had been secretly a dragon the whole time and all of us lost our minds, shit fucking ruled. “They just want to do bits and funny character voices, things that are NOT what REAL TTRPGS are ABOUT” why do you hate fun

Yes, sure, someone who’s a big fan of CR or D20 might come in with some unrealistic expectations of how things are going to run, or with grand ideas of weird homebrews and such that you have to temper down into something workable for your table. But the idea that the game they are playing, the experience they are having, is something wholly divorced from what actually playing ttrpgs is like is simply not true. I know because I’ve PLAYED games with big sweeping narratives and dramatic character moments and one of our party members doesn’t always remember how her stats work but the rest of us are willing to help her out because she makes big, wild, hilarious narrative swings and she’s a fun person to play with and we’ve gotten side tracked onto weird bits with silly character voices and come back around to do the big incredible encounter our DM planned for us because it’s a fucking awesome set piece, and all of it is fun and all of us are having a good time. I’m very sure we’re having a good time because we’ve been playing for FIVE YEARS at this point and we’re still going strong.

Idk, if you’re a real play fan who saw the post I’m vagueing and are now feeling depressed about actually finding a table that gets you the kind of high that CR gives you, I’m taking you by the shoulders and telling you not everyone is going to be a weird asshole about you wanting to do some performance in the role playing game. Tables that like silly character voices and dramatic plot beats and will help you figure out how to play your character effectively while still doing the fun story stuff are out there, I promise.

[late-to-the-fandom]

🍑🍋?

🍑 If you could make a connection between your favorite character and another work you care about (whether a crossover/fusion or a wonderfully “pretentious” literary reference) what would it be? How would it work?

Is this just trying to get me to talk about the forbidden Little Mermaid AU I keep adding words to? Because I will! I wouldn’t call it “wonderful” or “literary”, but I would call it “so much fun I cannot stop myself” 😂 it stars Renathal as Ariel, the Maw Walker as the Prince, Denathrius as Triton, Zovaal as Ursula, Theotar as Scuttle, and Vrednic as the dog, and the Accuser as whoever the Prince’s attendent guy is (should I actually rewatch this movie at some point? No thanks I’m good). It basically combines all the characters I like/need from Light and Shadows with all the plot bits I like from the Little Mermaid story without being too caught up in details I don’t remember and don’t care about to create a watery mess of tropes I love to write and some I have always wanted to try!

But I’ve learned from my last AU experience and, while I can indulge in it all I want, I won’t be posting anything until I actually finish or turn it into a workable one shot. I’ve maxed out the number of fics I’m allowed to start and hiatus 😅

🍋 What’s your favorite spicier trope to write?

Bang buddies to lovers. It’s my favourite trope. I will never stop being in love with “this was just supposed to be meaningless sex but now I’m falling in love with youuuuuuu” it’s my favourite. (Which is why the smutty one shot I have for the above AU is so fun since it’s actually the opposite of this trope, and I’ve never written “finally having sex with the person you’re in love with” smut)

Thank you for this! I’m experiencing post-chapter post brain fog where I forget how writing works.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

I have a question about your brainstorming post! If you don’t think about your projects, how do you come up with ideas? Do you literally do all your thinking on paper, or am I completely misunderstanding you? No hate at all I’m just really curious and trying to understand. Thanks!

dw I don’t think of this as hate at all, thanks for asking!

yes, I only really come up with ideas WHILE I’m drafting (like very hardcore Pantser). otherwise, I don’t really come up with ideas at all, hence my insecurity (because I WANT to be a brainstormer but I’m just not 😭). I used to daydream/brainstorm about my projects when I was younger, but since 2019-ish I don’t really. this is why I tend to feel sad when I’m not writing because if I’m not writing I’m not engaging with my characters at all.

For example, with BODY BACK, I VERYYY impromptu got the idea and that day, 3 major scenes popped into my head (mostly Harrison partying & then the one with him hitting open his head & the one of him on the grass at the end). After that point, I got a couple ideas in advance here and there which I took note of, but 90% of that book came out while I was actually drafting.

I will say that for my genre fiction works (ex. Seventh Virtue), I would get ideas for plot points (but usually this was in waves — so if I got one idea for a plot thread one day I’d usually get several others within a short span of time and then get no ideas after that point until another “idea chain” happened again).

This is why I cannot outline LOL because I literally don’t think about my work unless I’m actually writing (and if I have plotted, it’s because the above happened).

So I don’t really think about my characters when watching movies/listening to music/going on drives etc anymore. It does make me feel disconnected from the brainstorming side of writing because I just… don’t brainstorm. It can also be exhausting because my brain can’t engage with my work (which I love) unless it’s doing a lot of heavy lifting during drafting.

I’ve always been like this since I was a child though, I hated the term “brainstorming” and would skip straight to “carry out the plan” instead of “make a plan” when doing math problems lmao so it’s on brand for me, but can get frustrating especially because it puts a lot of pressure to actually come up with workable ideas WHILE writing.

I’ve been trying to do things to fix that, but haven’t found anything particularly helpful (though that could be because I’ve struggled with mindfulness/grounding myself in anything since maybe the pandemic started so part of it could be emotional on my end)!

Hope that clarifies!

[weepylucifer]

Personally I don't think any of the characters is going to "kill god", I think whatever's in The Tower is going to get John. John is simply not important enough for any of their character arcs, stabbing him or whatever is not the grand moment of catharsis anyone needs, and honestly? None of our "heroes" (”heroes” in quotes because these characters are honestly too nuanced to fit clearly into boxes of “good guys” and “bad guys”) even care enough about him to need to kill him.

Like, Gideon and Harrow just want each other. Ianthe basically wants power and to have Coronabeth, she doesn’t give a shit about John one way or the other, but it did seem to genuinely spook her that the sun might go out if John dies, so she may try to save him again bc really the status quo is fairly workable for her. Pyrrha is vibing. Coronabeth wants Jody and to I guess contribute something. With Paul it’s a bit unclear if they have any specific goals for the Empire, but really they (or Cam or Pal) never voiced any desire to abolish it, and justify their actions as following the orders of a Lyctor (Cassiopeia) so they seem fine with acting within the system of the Empire. All this to say: no one’s character arcs revolve around John. All the people whose lives John was central to have died. The only exception is Alecto, but even her arc might best be resolved by her detaching herself from John entirely. Plus Alecto has never actually said anything about wanting to kill him. There never was a “Hi I’m Barbie, let’s kill god!” moment, fans made that up. No one cares about John anymore. The plot of TLT was never “the heroes defeat the evil emperor”, he’s not the final boss to anybody, he’s just this shitty old relic of a time nobody even remembers

Plus it would feel way too trite, after all the convoluted fuckery we witnessed, for it to end in "kill one guy, now everything is fine". This isn't the Harry Potter good vs evil dichotomy kindergarten hour. I think whatever is in The Tower is gonna take center stage in AtN, and John is gonna be made to confront the consequences of what he messed up as he gets got by it

[milfzatannaz]

Why do people hate John x Batman so much? Is it because it goes into the bisexual slut stereotype? Is it because they don’t work well together. Granted I’ve always seen John as kind of slut but through the fan media but I know that’s not how he is in the comics and I need to read more of them

So this is a question I could take multiple paragraphs to answer. It's not as simple as like, "ew shipping discourse" because I try and keep my blog free of that.

And Batman x John isn't really widely hated. I see it circulate on multiple Constantine blogs, and especially in other DC circles. I can't comment on the prevalence on fandom coming up with mlm ships because that's how fandom has always been and it's also not really my place... Anyway, most people against John x Batman are disgruntled Hellblazer fans, me included.

But yes, in my opinion it paints John in an inaccurate, stereotypical light. He's not much of a slut, he enjoys casual sex as much as the next person but him flirting with League Members is a fanon concept that snowballed. He's charming, but he's not out here making sexual advances to superheroes. He enjoys going on dates and hooking up, but in the canon I'm familiar with, it's only a facet of his day to day life. John is actually quite apprehensive of intimacy and commitment. It's really offensive to take one of the first bi men in comic history and write textposts on how he's a whore for league members.

Also, for John x Batman to even be remotely workable stereotypes aside, John's entire political outlook would have to be erased. John is a working class, street level occultist. He would not want to insert himself into government adjacent organizations like the League, and he would not sleep with a billionaire. John and Bruce should not get along, no matter what post-Vertigo canon tries to sell.

And honestly, John and Bruce as a pairing only seeks to benefit Bruce. John was used as a plot device and a prop during Urban Legends. Because DC is so bat-focused, they really reduced John to a mouthy side character that stood there and called Bruce handsome. It did nothing to further John's characterization, and using him to make Batman cooler is just gross. John has 300 issues and many, many cameos worth of material where Batman is never even mentioned. I know my comments can't stop fanon, but come on, guys.

Final note- a lot of people I've seen ship John x Bruce in a way that downplays Zee's importance. I want John to have more male partners, too, but can we do it in such a way that isn't misogynistic? Like them or hate them, John and Zee have been in each other's lives since '86. Why would John get into a relationship with someone his ex/ close friend had a thing for?

[bicokun]

As much as I love the movies, yeah, this is very true. I have to ignore what’s his name being a cop, which is thankfully pretty easy to do even for most of the first movie since he doesn’t really do much cop stuff. Like, they could have made him a sanitation worker and the plot would be essentially unchanged. Him being an alien is… workable, I think, in the way that Sonic X having him being from a parallel universe still generally fits the theme, but Robotnik not being as clearly anti-environment and just more generally “mwahaha, I’mma rule the world” really waters down the actual conflict. Though, I’d say that happens a lot in the modern games as well, which don’t focus much on the whole “uses animals as a power source” thing. Used to be you hit a robot and you’d see a bunny pop out.

I hate movie sonic!!! I hate that he's an alien when in the games there's a great theme of nature fighting back against Eggman's industrialization! I hate that he constantly makes pop culture references, it's not funny and makes sonic way less charming as a character! I hate the weird copaganda of it all! Sonic shouldn't like cops!! I hate the sonic movies and you should too!!

[phoenixyfriend]

Palpatine Tries to Arrange a Marriage

Okay, so the context is Rey Gives No F*cks About the Grandfather Paradox.

During a discord convo, I had one of those ‘brain derails like a motherfucker’ moments. We were talking about how Palpatine arranges for immortality. My mind jumped from the immortality clones plot to thinking about Rey, to thinking about Rey in the linked AU, to ping off of some commentary I had when watching RotS that Vader is the closest Sidious has ever been to actually, genuinely caring about another being, to "GrandfatherParadox!Palpatine accidentally starts to care about Rey as a person instead of a problem, but she continues to hate him, and he's weirdly upset by this and doesn't understand why."

(Usually when he can’t manipulate someone he’s like “oh well” and then he kills them. He doesn’t want to kill Rey and that’s odd. He doesn’t like this. Is this fondness? Ew.)

He's from Naboo so that means his attempts to gain her favor (read: his attempts to show affection) involve giving her fancy clothes and also trying to arrange for an advantageous marriage for her. He seems like he'd fuck with the idea of a dowry.

Rey, naturally, wants none of this.

She doesn't want to stay in rags all her life, but she's much more comfortable with slightly-personalized Jedi Robes than she is with Whatever The Fuck Naboo Has Going On.

And marriage is like. Hm! No.

Palpatine internally just like "Really is a shame Anakin already got married, that could have been perfect, the children they would have had could be phenomenally powerful."

Palpatine "I don't officially know about the marriage to Amidala, I could try to push him towards my grand(?)daughter anyway--"

@atagotiak​ said “She’d be hesitant around Anakin but I could see them vibing. Both feral desert mechanics and all that. Between Vader and also him being Luke’s dad it’s just weird.”

Friends! But.

Not really falling into Palpatine's weird attempts to gain favor with a young woman who will always hate him.

Also, she has no idea when Luke's parents met or who Vader's wife was, but she doesn't want to get in the way!

(Luke’s ghost explains that his parents are already happily married and Rey’s just like ‘then why is Palpatine trying to get me to marry your dad...’)

Anyway then we got sidetracked by talking about Rey vs. Naboo Fashion.

Tia said that “Rey seems like she’d be comfortable in anything from spacer clothes to Jedi robes but would feel overdressed in anything halfway approaching fancy... which means even the plainest upper-class naboo clothes are way way too much.” “Imagine her trying on a dress that restricts her range of motion in any way. How long would it take for her to tear it.”

Rey would be open to, like, Naboo Pilot Uniforms and whatnot, but try to put her in a handmaiden dress and she might just start biting.

Like IDK about the hair, but

The leather vest, leggings, bracers, boots... not optimal, but workable.

[windypuddle]

Ensemble Stars!! > Bungou Stray Dogs, Part 4

This one’s unfortunately also a bit of a doozy to explain, even though it’s smaller. beware of lore.

(A continuation of my Enstars as BSD AU, see other parts below) 

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 5]

once again... so sorry about the formatting. this was going to be very different, as you might guess from the arrangement of character roles. i ended up not having enough characters that fit (and then realized i had extra characters in the agency and guild, but oh well)

look i don’t even want to deal with bram and all that nonsense. with regards to AUs, i usually give up around the current arc. this has to do with how i remake the narrative slightly based on the new characters and dynamics, and i can’t do that if i dont know where the actual canon narrative is going. that being said, the decay of angels are involved in a few arcs that have already wrapped up, so thats all good and fine and workable.

Eichi is an idealist. we all know this from enstars canon. everyone knows this. its the whole reason there’s a plot. it’s just that here he takes the idealism to the level of terrorism. he seeks the book out of a desire for equality, or at least that’s what he tells everyone; in fact it is a desperate and selfish quest to cheat death by rewriting his own fate. he hates his own ability and he hates this cruel world and he hates his illness and this is his way of fixing all of the above.

bonus: he has proper cello posture (i’ve seen some of y’all complain about fyodor)

Wataru is so important too. listen to me. listen closely. this whole au started because i was reading the tempest night story and could not stop making connections between wataei and fyolai. so there you have it. that’s why this AU exists. gay people. Wataru is extremely dedicated to both Eichi and his own constant performance. it is a cage of his own making.

the eccentrics had kind of an informal alliance, about 10 years before canon (to clarify: we’re going with closer to bsd ages ranges here, which means Wataru Shu and Kanata are all around 26 at the time of the main events) but what with the war, they drifted apart. the others view Wataru joining Eichi’s cause as a little bit of a betrayal.

Yuzuru... yeah he’s kind of just there. the decay of angels (a) plays up the angel motif already associated with fine and (b) is generally looking to rearrange the current social structure. Yuzuru is hoping this goal will Fix Everything and get Tori to leave the mafia. (tori is having fun lol)

Tatsumi, as a good Christian boy, is easily radicalized. He spread (admittedly hypocritical) anti-Ability teachings in Europe for a period of time, citing the war as evidence that Abilities cause ruin. He collected a decent following, who mobilized, cultlike, to go after Ability users. they captured Kaname at a certain point in time, and the mafia rescued him, which got him involved and indebted to the mafia. to try and repay this, Kaname went after the cult himself, and was killed. this made Tatsumi reevaluate his goals and join the guild. After his colleagues in the Guild were injured in the conflict, Eichi recruited him for the Decay of Angels with the promise of being rid of all his past crimes and helping

Tsumugi is the one who enables this, as his ability is the Perfect Crime: the one that erases all evidence. goddammit Eichi stop collecting people who are unhealthily devoted to you. eventual redemption arc with the mystery trio but its switch.

[acephysicskarkat]

The key lesson I’ve learned from SP0P is an old piece of writing advice, and it’s ironic because the phrasing is something C*tra tried to do like five times:

Murder your darlings.

“Murder your darlings” is an old piece of writing advice that boils down to “just because you like something you’ve created doesn’t mean it’s good for the narrative”. Your priority as a writer is telling the story well. You may be very proud of the thing you did, but if it doesn’t serve that purpose, save it for another day or rewrite it until it fits cohesively.

Let’s look at C*tra’s redemption as a case study.

It’s obvious that Stevenson was super invested in it being a love-redeems moment, hence the reason that it had to be saved until permission for that was given while S5 was being written (my guess would be about halfway through given how many of S5′s scripts could have used another couple of writing passes). And look, I’m not opposed to the concept of love redeeming, that’s a perfectly workable trope.

But.

A quarter of the way into S5 is too fucking late for C*tra’s redemption arc to work narratively, especially with at least two episodes where she barely appears. It would be pushing it even if being redeemed was the only thing C*tra was doing in that season, which it’s not.

(The overall half-assed and inept way they used what time they did have is a separate problem, which I think I’ve discussed to death by now.)

The murder your darlings part is when you look at this and go: y’know, does it have to be love-redeems? Couldn’t we make it something else in order to let C*tra’s redemption arc kick off in time to make it actually work? Maybe if her realisation that it’s lonely at the top after the sack of Salineas led to character development in late S4, instead of having her undergo another personal breakdown that eats up a lot of screentime without actually giving engaging development?

And if the show had done that, it could have fixed so much.

The rushed and unfinished character development is easy to fix because now you have like three times longer to actually show her undergoing character growth. You don’t have to just say she’s undergone character growth and have her act like the same asshole she’s always been, now you have time to have her confront the consequences of those actions and learn from them.

C*tra’s redemption is also more narratively cohesive. Now she’s actively making decisions about what she values and which ambitions she is willing to give up - similar to Zuko rejecting his old life and seeking out Aang because his sense of honour demands it. Having her basically switch sides as a last-ditch effort to salvage something, a la S5, is kind of wonky and ends up feeling a bit cheap. It’s not the worst part but it definitely needed another couple of draft passes.

(”Antagonist reluctantly joins protagonists because they’re out of rope” can work as a starting point for a redemption, see also Peridot, but then you need to show them reluctantly getting used to their new teammates and undergoing gradual character growth and S5 kind of had all that happen offscreen, while we were all distracted by Double Trouble.)

It would even improve the romance. It wouldn’t fix it - that would require substantive structural alterations to the show in its entirety, starting with rewriting the third season from the ground up - but having C*tra making a decision not to get a specific Adora-related end goal but because it’s the decision she knows she should make reduces the pervasive toxicity, because now it’s not yet another display of her obsession, but a meaningful statement about who she is and is not going to be. It would give her some much-needed depth.

And all it would take would be giving up a plot point that didn’t actually make sense in context because so much of the show consists of C*tra using her connection with Adora as motivation to make Adora miserable.

Murder your darlings. It doesn’t matter how good an idea is in isolation; if making it work requires fucking up your narrative, save it for another project. If it’s really that good, you’ll find somewhere for it eventually.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Dark Shadows (2012)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

Dark Shadows shows promise at first, with tried-and-true but effective “fish out of water” humour. From there, the plot gets progressively unsure of where it wants to go, until it starts throwing stuff at the screen haphazardly. I don’t know if anyone could’ve salvaged a workable film from the woeful screenplay by Seth Grahame-Smith but director Tim Burton doesn’t seem to be trying very hard.

In 1760, Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp) breaks the heart of his servant, Angelique (Eva Green). After she uses dark magic to kill Barnabas' fiancée (Bella Heathcote) she transform him into a vampire - so that he will outlive anyone he ever loves. Soon after, he is captured by villagers and buried "alive" in a coffin. Escaping from his prison in 1972, Barnabas finds his descendants in financial ruin, his beloved reincarnated as their new nanny (Bella Heathcote as Victoria), and Angelique still alive and still obsessed with him.

After the fact, it’s obvious Barnabas is the film’s main character. While watching, it isn’t so clear. You think Victoria will be a major player but she’s an afterthought with no personality. Most of the character feel like director Tim Burton self-indulging a little by tossing a bone to his favourite performers (Christopher Lee has a minor role which can’t have taken more than a day to shoot) or like inclusions put there just because they had an equivalent in the original 1966 television series. The film lasts nearly two hours. If you cut out Helena Bonham Carter as the Collins family doctor who does very little doctoring, the kinda-sorta misfit son David (Gully McGrath), his ne’er-do-well father (Johnny Lee Miller), the rebellious teenage daughter (Chloë Grace Moretz), the elderly maid (Ray Shirley) and the drunken groundskeeper (Jackie Earle Haley), you probably wouldn’t have more than 40-minutes’ worth of a movie. That’s not much but it’d be tighter, focussed and more enjoyable. None of these people have anything to do, and the less said about Alice Cooper’s cameo as himself, the better.

It feels like a bad soap opera that’s being made-up on the spot. Stuff just happens and sure, sometimes it’s funny but nothing’s building up to anything bigger. Now Dr. Hoffman is seducing Barnabas. Ok? Why? So we can cement that everyone finds Johnny Depp in vampire makeup irresistible? I guess that’s a thing but I don’t really get it.

Then, finally, a facsimile of a plot rears its ugly head. Ah! So the film is about Angelique and Barnabas’ rivalry. Wait. She waited 200 years for him to escape from the box she buried him in and in the meantime, she’s been using her fishing business to drive the Collins out of house and home? What a lame way to use your magic powers. It all builds to a lacklustre conclusion in which people are thrown around by magic. I think we’re supposed to feel upset about doomed romances and people caught between two irreconcilable worlds but so little time has been spent fleshing out the mushy stuff you just don’t care.

As an 18th-century vampire struggling to keep up with “modern” technology and sensibilities, Johnny Depp does well. He delivers all of the film’s best moments and yeah, some of it you’ve seen before but it’s still effective. The costumes, sets and art direction are also quite good so visually, Dark Shadows is pleasant to look at - especially when Eva Green is seducing Barnabas. Just about everything else is cringe-inducing and tone-deaf. Sexy as she may look, Green is terrible in this role and I can’t even blame her. No one shines thanks to the weak screenplay and scatterbrained direction torn between drama, horror and comedy. I nearly completely forgot about Michelle Pfeiffer, which is too bad because her character actually contributes something of value to the story.

The first time I saw Dark Shadows, I didn’t love it but found things to enjoy and gave it a mildly positive review. Re-examining it now, 3 stars seems way too generous. Although never awful, Dark Shadows doesn't give you many reasons to watch it. (April 5, 2019)

[doorsclosingslowly]

Time After Time: could you talk a bit about "Perhaps the World Will End at the Kitchen Table", before the fic starts? How do Kaz and Inej work through the original betrayal (and/or when do they realize they want to bring Jesper home?)

Thank you for asking about my unnecessarily elaborate backstory!! In general I want my modern AUs to echo canon, and the “betrayal” is adapting Jesper’s accidental blabbing about the Ice Court heist.

So, setting the scene. The trio, pre-“betrayal”, were like moderately radical squatters similarly to most of my other modern AUs. Similar backstories too (though it’s just the three of them), so Jesper was a really bright middle class kid who went to uni very early and then got fucked hard by no support for undiagnosed ADHD and addiction, Inej went on scholarship to a sports boarding school, was sexually abused and ran away, and when Kaz’s big brother died in foster care he just *could not* anymore, and after some time unhoused and some time in Haskell’s gang meets Jesper and then he meets Inej. Inej actually cares about justice for everyone and is the driver for everyone getting involved in environmentalist activism.

The thing about even nonviolent environmentalist activism is that there’s a *lot* of cruel, immoral state surveillance. Undercover cops have had children with women who they lied to for the entire duration of year-long relationships. (https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2012/jan/20/undercover-police-children-activists). And that is basically what happens. 19-yo Jesper meets a woman called Angela at a protest and they hit it off. Kaz hates her from the start, but everyone just thinks that’s down to jealousy. Maybe Kaz doesn’t want his friends to lead lives that don’t involve him. Kaz actually holds back from doing anything about her *because* he’s jealous, and he’s in love with Inej and turned Jesper down years ago because he was scared and he’s not *meant to* still be hung up on Jesper. And Jesper does love Angela, and anyway, her politics are solid, she’s in the same circles of squatters and part-time crooks and activists.

Protests don’t do much, though. Carbon emissions are still going up. Climate disasters are getting worse. So what do you do? What Inej moves towards as a tactic is property destruction. And because her and Kaz are over-achievers, their ideas both escalate to power plants and pipelines real quickly and they are meticulous, workable, something the police decide they need to stop NOW. They have the evidence of that plot. They have the location of Kaz and Inej.

Angela actually tries to keep Jesper out of it. That’s why she ties him up. She cares about him, she just isn’t able to look beyond her own perspective and see that she’s committing rape by deception, using Jesper to attack his best friends and that she is traumatizing him for the rest of his life.

Kaz isn’t where he was supposed to be for the police raid, though. He loaned Jesper a book, impulsively decided he needed it right now, picked the locked door of Jesper’s room—and then he sees Jesper naked and tied up and gagged and absolutely panicking, cuts him loose because of course and he’s already mentally murdering Angela when Jesper tells him she’s a cop. So they’re off desperately trying to find Inej, and they do. She’s already handcuffed, as are a few more of their friends, with one cop to guard them while the others sweep the squatted house. Kaz drives the knife he's still holding into that cop’s neck.

They’re running ever since.

And they have lost all trust in a state that utterly betrayed them.

.

The fact that Jesper thinks of what happened as “the betrayal” is down to his issues more than the truth. *He* put his friends in danger. *He* should have known. *He* didn’t. *He* was too careless, too blind, just inattentive reckless stupid Jesper all over again and so he keeps picking through every single thing he does ever for mistakes. Because Jesper should have known, right? He got kicked out of uni for being stupid. That should have taught him, and it fucking didn’t because he’s not even that decent a person and so he destroyed his friends too. He never tells anybody about these thoughts because he figures, he got more than he deserved by getting to stay in their lives. None of his self-hatred is news. It’s just obvious fact, and Inej and Kaz already know.

Kaz blows up at Jesper, right after it happens, when they’re all three terrified and grieving the safety they didn’t even know they used to believe in. Jesper was closest to Angela, he should have noticed something, anything, Inej tried to jump to her death and was wrestled to the floor by the cops! But he does know it wasn’t a betrayal. The safety precautions he does take afterwards and that he keeps reminding Jesper specifically about aren’t, to Kaz, because of the “betrayal” but because their situation fundamentally changed now they’re wanted murder and accessories and because Jesper does talk too much when drunk or on accident, it’s just a thing that he’s careless sometimes, and Kaz is helping by reminding him.

Inej is horrified knowing that Angela was a cop and using Jesper. To know the state greenlit rape by deception against her friend and it happened under her nose for a year—fuck, she’s angry, and she hasn’t yet learned the Jesper part of what happened, the gagged and terrified for his friends part. Kaz doesn’t talk about that. Jesper doesn’t.

.

Kaz and Inej were in love before the cops attacked, and they just kept dancing around each other afterwards, coming closer, closer, closer. To them, at first, the intra-trio relationship didn’t actually change in any unexpected ways and they would both have been horrified to know Jesper increasingly sees himself as a superfluous add-on. When you’re basically honeymooning, the fact that someone’s giving you space isn’t that weird, and besides Jesper just had the traumatic-est breakup, he probably needs time to process it.

Neither of them actually knows how Jesper is parsing this whole situation. They think they’re all fine.

They just think—Jesper just did an actual infiltration job, pretending to work for Kirigan to get him out of office, and it’s the first time they’ve been apart from Jesper this long in years. It’s much easier to notice how much you miss someone when they’re away. Life is dangerous. Life is short. And so Kaz and Inej talked about how weird it was to just be the two of them, how like a missing limb, and when Inej noticed that Kaz was weighing his words oddly she told him, “It’s okay. I already know.” and also gently mocked him for hypocrisy because Inej and Jes and Kaz and former friends had *discussions* about marriage as coercive tools of patriarchy and free love and relationship anarchy and all that jazz and they were all very serious and radical about it but here Kaz is, not daring to look at her because he wants Jesper as well. “Just ask him. If you don’t at noon tomorrow, Kaz, then I will. For you.” And then she kisses him.

[tossawary]

Given the type of writer Airplane is, how likely do you think it is that the weather tends to reflect mood pretty frequently (at least for significant characters)? Ex: the first morning of an auspicious journey is always bright and sunny, a deeply loved one's funeral day is always grey, but never rains until dramatically appropriate. Because, if so, man, the weather patterns in that world must be INSANE, there is no predicting them!

I feel like this would have to be limited to one character to be workable, probably the protagonist. This is very funny and I love it when the weather reflects whatever's happening in a plot. I once talked with someone about worlds in which magical/spiritual energy clashes actually cause storms, inspired by the Shifu VS. Tai Lung fight in Kung Fu Panda.

Anyway, the weather in SVSSS being influenced by Binghe's moods really does sound SO funny. Also, disastrous and unsustainable.

Hopefully, Binghe doesn't need to be sad for it to rain. Maybe it mostly just makes the rain gentle and replenishing VS. the rain being cold and miserable and harsh.

I watched an anime movie once (can't remember the title and don't want to spoil the movie anyway) where the end result was just... rain... forever... and the flooding that can with unending rain for years. That's... a way for things to be after SQQ's self-destruction.

[afterthegreatunknown]

Randomity: ‘Prologue’

Chapter's alternate title: 'Fixing a Unintended Plot Hole in a Previous Fic'.

What happened in that previous fic (chapter) doesn't need to be read, for I'll summerize it: The Quagmire triplets, Hector, and the Widdershins family had gotten out of the Great Unknown, all washing ashore onto a beach. However, the group got seperate in the escape process somehow. The Quagmire triplets, Fernald, and Fiona are together, and Hector and Widdershins are elsewhere. Now that everything is caught up, onto the fic itself.

“You know, I’ve never seen the sun rising up like this before.”

The moment the words slip out of Fernald’s mouth, Quigley suddenly stops walking. Duncan and Isadora, having been following their brother, also stop abruptly. This causes a minor backup, with Fiona quickly slamming into Duncan, and Fernald nearly bumping into Fiona.

“What does that mean?” asks Quigley, turning back around.

“It means exactly as I said,” says Fernald, turning his direction to the sun, using his hook to shield himself from the sun’s rays. “I’ve seen the sun setting into the ocean before. No doubt you seen that before too. Seeing the sun rising out of the ocean makes no sense.”

The area the seven are in is abandoned; there’s a torn-riddle sign flopping over, and several food stalls and game stalls on a dirty old boardwalk. Despite that, it has a lovely view of the ocean. Duncan and Isadora keep quiet as they use their hands to shield away the sunlight. Fiona however, looks down at the sand below, and starts scratching her chin.

“Well, it makes sense when living in the east,” says Fiona. “And perhaps one can see the sun rising over a lake, like Lake Lachrymose, or one of the Great Lakes. But since we were last in the Pacific Ocean, we must have landed somewhere in the west.

“Maybe we all got affected by that creature, and it’s making us see things that shouldn’t be seen. Or existing,” suggest Duncan. “We were in its stomach for quite a while.”

“If you’re suggesting we got bitten by those weird leech-tadpole things, I think one or all of us could have made a comment about it before now,” says Isadora, lowering her hand. “We’re clearly out from its stomach. Maybe the sign could give us a clue on what’s going on here.”

Isadora soon walks to the torn-riddle sign, and pushes the paper upward to read it. The others stay put and glance at one another, before Isadora’s sudden scream has them jumping. Everyone rushes towards Isadora, who is now lying on the sand itself.

“What’s wrong, Isadora?” asks Duncan, as he and Quigley reach out one of their hands.

Isadora quickly takes both of her brothers’ hand, and pulls herself up. “What’s wrong? Read the sign! You won’t believe me if I tell you! You’ll think I’m making it up or something!”

Fiona gives a look at Fernald, and he nods his head. The two siblings went up to the sign, and lifts the paper upward. Lifting the paper as upward as it can be, every one of them read the once bright red dazzling bubble font words of the sign:

WELCOME TO CROWN CITY BEACH! IT’S THE DIAMOND BY THE SEA!

 “Crown City? Why that’s—” Duncan blinks a few times. “Actually, considering we’re away from the City, that means we’re away from where V.F.D. could find us.”

Quigley slowly gives Duncan a confuse glance. “Why wouldn’t we want V.F.D. to find us?”

---

“So, what we have is two lighters, a blanket, a first-aid kit, a Swiss army knife, a wallet that happened to be lost on the beach, and a compass!” Widdershins claps his hands. “Not a bad haul! Aye! It’s workable! Except maybe sharing the blanket!”

Hector crouches down onto his feet, and stares at the wallet. “I still think we should leave it where it was. This beach may be less than easy on the eyes in comparison to Briny Beach, but that wallet is proof people still visit this place.”

“Hm…” Widdershins crouches down also, and eyes the wallet. He briefly curls one end of his mustache, and then grabs the wallet. “You’re right! We just need the cash that’s inside the wallet! Aye! We don’t need the owner’s ID card at all! Or any other things he or she may have!”

“That’s not what I—” Hector doesn’t get to finish his sentence.

Widdershins opens up the wallet, and throws a thick wad of cash to Hector. Widdershins keeps the wallet itself, examining it for whatever reason. Hector gives a tired sigh, and then counts the wad of money. He couldn’t help but whistle in surprise. He has counted a total of exactly one thousand, two hundred, and fifty dollars.

“Well! This explains something that puzzled me! Take a look at this, Hector!”

Curious over Widdershins’ words, Hector folds up the cash wad, and places it inside the front pocket of his overalls. He then leans over Widdershins’ shoulder, and stares at the white ID card in his hands with bugged out eyes.

“Crown City Identification Card!?” exclaims Hector, falling backward onto his bottom. “We’re in the east!? But we were last in the Pacific Ocean! That’s in the west!”

“And never did you realize that sun was rising out in the apparent west,” mutters Widdershins.

Hector clicks his tongue, and ignores the comment. “Care to shed a little light on our dilemma? You have an idea how we went from the west to the east?”

“I can only assume after we got swallowed alive by the aquatic behemoth of legends,” says Widdershins calmly, as if he’s describing the weather, “the beast in twenty-four hours, swam from the middle of the Pacific Ocean to the shores of Crown City Beach to cough us out.”

Hector groans, and then lies down on the sand. “Just our luck. And considering what we know about Crown City, I’m not willing the risk of the organization finding the Quagmires and I.”

Widdershins nods his head. “Aye. After everything that happened to my stepchildren over the last few days, I don’t want to take that risk either. It’s best to go back westward. The further away we’re from the east, the lower the risk it’ll be.”

“And where to exactly?” Hector quickly stands back up. “East or west, north or south, V.F.D. will still be a risk. They have a grasp everywhere, Widdershins.”

“But a low risk is better than the opposite, aye.”

---

As the question slips out of Quigley’s mouth, something changes. The lovely view of the ocean now matches the down ridden condition of the Crown City Boardwalk. Isadora’s fear of being in the east coast soon melts away into anger. Duncan’s relief of knowing he’s away from the City and V.F.D. quickly transforms into confusion.

Isadora pulls her hand away from Quigley’s, and narrows her eyes. “Why wouldn’t we want the V.F.D. to find us? Why would we want them to find us in the first place?” asks Isadora.

“Because they can help us.” Quigley narrow his eyes at her. “I know you done research on the organization, and everything about them says otherwise from what you experienced.”

“Lack of experience is more fitting,” says Duncan calmly. “For an organization hell-bent on helping the world keep quiet, they sure did a splendid job on keeping our and the Baudelaires’ lives quiet, especially in the last few days.”

“Oh yes,” agreed Isadora, and she gives a quickly sharp glare at Fernald. “They sure helped the Baudelaires when allowing them to enter Count Olaf’s care. Or all the times that terrible man showed up in disguise with his allies.”

Fernald winces, but he remains quiet as he averts his eyes to the sand. Fiona keeps quiet too, curling up her hand into a tight ball.

“Let’s talk about the role they played were when we were kidnapped by his allies, doing everything in their power to find us.” Duncan’s voice is louder than before, but it still remains calm. “Or how they did everything in their power to try stop that excuse of a newspaper slander the Baudelaires’ names. Oh wait. They did nothing to help us.”

“Speaking of helpful, let’s talk about how helpful they were to you!” Isadora’s voice is louder than Duncan’s, as well as shaky. She places her right hand on her chest, and blinks rapidly. “We thought you were dead! For weeks, we thought you were gone, just like our parents! And all this time, you were alive, kept away from us by the organization! They deliberately kept you away from us!”

“They didn’t though!” Quigley’s voice rises too. He makes his hands into fists, and glares at Isadora. “I told you! I wanted to be with you two again the second I discovered you were all at that school! But when Jacques found me, he told me it was best for me to stay low! He said if I revealed myself as alive, or if the wrong people knew, it would cause trouble!”

“And the right people who got to know about you were Kit Snicket, Fiona, and her stepfather?” interrupts Duncan. “Are you saying that we weren’t the right people who ought to know?”

“No! All I’m saying is that—”

“I think you’re saying it clear,” cuts in Isadora. “That you’re willing to pick some now dead man that you barely knew over your own siblings!”

“Jacques Snicket wasn’t just some now dead man!”

---

And with that, the conversation ends. Hector and Widdershins gather their things (sans the wallet, for they decide to leave where they found it) and walk in whatever direction they are heading, which is more or less north. As they walk, Hector continues to look straight ahead, carrying the money in his front overall pocket, and the blanket in his arms.

Widdershins look in random directions —up, down, left, right— while carrying the first-aid kit now holding the two lighters, the compass, and Swiss army knife. The few times he looks at Hector’s direction, Widdershins open his mouth, but closes it. The silence between them goes on for quite some time.

Even from the corner of his eyes, Hector grows tired of Widdershins’ gawking. He stops in his walking, which in turns has Widdershins pausing too. Hector stares directly at Widdershins, and clicks his tongue.

“You clearly want to tell me something,” says Hector. “So go on. Say it.”

“Regarding places with the lowest V.F.D. activity,” begins Widdershins, “One place I can think of is the Kingdom of Arizona. Their current laws make it difficult for them to operate as before. But I don’t think anyone of us could survive the hot, dry environment. Aye, except you.”

“I have enough with the desert, as well as dealing with ridiculous laws due to the Village of Fowl Devotee. The Kingdom of Arizona is a no.” Hector readjusts the blanket in his arms. “Why not Cascade Country? The northwest isn’t such a terrible place.”

“No, it’s not. But V.F.D. could send agents from across the Canada border to track us all down when it’s least expected.”

Hector sucks in his breath. “Shoot. I forgot about British Columbia. V.F.D.’s grasp on the Manitoba province—especially in the city of Winnipeg— had it slip my mind.”

Widdershins briefly bob his head. “There’s always living back in the Land of Districts.”

“But—”

“The Land of Districts isn’t completely in the organization’s grasp. Aye, and some places lost V.F.D.’s influences, even if said influence was minor.”  Widdershins scratches a spot near his sideburns. “Remember that town we visited Snicket in his apprenticeship? Stain'd-by-the-Sea?”

“I think Snicket and Markson’s time in that town has them vary of outsiders. And on the off chance their mark left, we’ll no doubt be consider suspicious. Seven strangers looking worse for wear with little belongings…” Hector readjusts the blanket again, and runs a hand through his hair. “Widdershins, while I understand why you want to discuss this now, we should return back to the important matter at hand: finding the Quagmires triplets and your stepchildren.”

Widdershins blinks a few times, and then walks away. Hector stands there awkwardly for a few seconds before he continues walking too.

As they continue their walk, there isn’t a sound in the air as they continue walking north. At least until they hear a familiar group of four teenagers and one adult.

With the four teenagers being almost seconds away from fighting one another.

---

Quigley soon unexpectedly lunges right towards Isadora. Isadora quickly takes a few steps backward towards Duncan, yelping in surprise by her brother’s sudden actions. Quigley, because he has no support to help stop him from falling, falls face down into the sand. He quickly picks himself up, and gags and spits out the sand that’s in his mouth, wiping off the rest of the sand with the back of his hand.

Isadora couldn’t help but chuckle, which soon became a decision she quickly regrets. Quigley then again makes the attempt to lunge at not only her, but Duncan as well. As Isadora and Duncan scream together, Fiona rushes in. She quickly places herself between the three in time, keeping them apart by arms’ length.

“Duncan! Isadora! Quigley! As much as I understand both of your arguments,” says Fiona, “the fact is that we’re all focusing on the wrong thing!”

“The wrong thing?” asks Isadora.

“Yes,” replies Fiona. “The wrong thing!”

“How is thinking of our lives onward from avoiding indigestion is the wrong thing? This involves all of us, you now!” Quigley narrows his eyes at Fiona. “This isn’t just about me and my siblings. What about you? Do you want or not want to rejoin V.F.D. after all this?”

“What I want won’t be said until everyone is together,” replies Fiona. “We still need to find Hector and my stepfather. This is a group matter! Everyone ought to have a say in it! And not everyone is here! That’s why we were walking around in the first place! To search for them!”

Fernald couldn’t help but laugh at her statement. “Ha! You speak as if Stepfather would agree to a collective group decision. That man never thinks. He never hesitates, after all.”

“Considering his compliance with Hector inside that creature, I think this time he would!” Fiona narrows her eyes at her brother. “At the very least, I think he will be willing to listen to others, and most importantly, not go diving into a stupid decision without informing me! Us!”

“Considering everyone’s goal was to escape that creature,” says Duncan, crossing his arms, “who wouldn’t be compliance in that situation? But we’re no longer inside the belly of the beast.”

Isadora nods her head in agreement. “I agree. I daresay that your stepfather could either—”

“There you all are!” Hector’s sudden voice interrupts her. “I’m glad you’re all together! Granted, I could do without you all fighting one another!”

Everyone turns their heads towards the direction of the familiar voice. All five see Hector and Widdershins running towards them, with items in their hands they didn’t have before.

Fiona quickly drops her hands to her side, and soon starts running. Fernald mutters something about his stepfather, and follows soon after her. Duncan and Isadora glance at one another with a smile, and they too break out running. As for Quigley, he remains near the dirty boardwalk, before giving out a sigh, and sprints off after the others.

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

2022 MOVIE OF THE WEEK #15

love guaranteed. okay so i added this one to my list to watch with my best friend, because i’m a fan of both the leads. 

i’m sorry to say that they could not elevate the movie’s writing and supporting cast enough to make it good--their chemistry wasn’t bad, but the plot was. the most impressive thing about this film was rachel leigh cook’s wardrobe (very nice). 

the basic premise seemed good, actually! lawyer helps a guy sue a dating company and they fall in love along the way. very workable romcom setup. 

the problem, or one of them anyway, is that once that premise is established...the plot is basically over. there’s no huge conflict that can keep the two of them apart, just a clock counting down until their working relationship ends and they’ll be free to date. i spent at least half the movie wondering what the point was now since they were going to end up together and that made the rest of the story feel irrelevant.

and then a very predictable courtroom confession led to an ending that made the whole story retroactively pointless.

now, i’m not saying i expected the love interests not to get together, when that’s the point of a romcom. (though if this movie had decided to swerve that hard, i would have been impressed a little.) but i do expect a romance to introduce understandable obstacles, which keep me engaged until the end, and to resolve them believably. (grading on a curve.)

in this case, the obstacle was ‘these two kind of maybe don’t want to risk it? or do they? *winks*’ and the resolution was ‘actually the moral principles that made them like each other in the first place don’t matter i guess because love?’ it was very confusing, really, if i thought about it too hard. 

and also the plot was propelled heavily along by rachel leigh cook’s employees/friends, who were literally the most annoying side characters who seemed like we were supposed to not find them annoying at all. 

it’s rare for romcom side characters to be really great; their function is usually more to just be there, helping keep the spotlight on the stars. so i’m happy to accept forgettable supporting roles like ‘best friend of nina dobrev who got catfished’ and to appreciate the rare icon like ‘jennifer coolidge draping herself across every scene in a gay christmas movie’...i don’t understand why this movie decided that they needed to aim for maximum pushiness and snark and 'bitchy bffs’ here. whatever they thought they were doing, it didn’t work.

i wish i could recommend this one because again, i love the leads. also heather graham is here, doing her best gwyneth paltrow of goop, and that’s a kick. but i spent so much time wondering (sometimes aloud) if there was any point in continuing to watch this movie, while watching it, that i can’t wish that on anybody else.