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therobotmonster · 1 year ago

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What do you say to the one who killed Ceasar?

Corruption? Infighting? Communications breakdowns?

That aint' how it happened and that ain't how it is.

Pass me a sarsaparilla and I'll tell you how it happened and how it is.

After stamping westward like the vicious cattle they carried as their symbol, Caesar's Legion found New Vegas their downfall. Their martial prowess and seemingly endless numbers found in that place their nemesis, in the classical sense.

They found the Courier.

They didn't know what they found at first. The initial wound was shocking but not unthinkable. Vulpes Inculta went out to make an example of a local settlement called Nipton and never came back. The scouts that went looking for him found a their staging camp slaughtered. Landmines had been put in their sleeping bags. Their watchman was found in pieces.

Every scrap of clothing and equipment was gone. So it was chalked up to raiders. Patrols increased and the Legion moved on.

The loss of Vulpes Inculta's forces was a tiny cut, but a tiny cut can kill if infection sets in. The slaves at Cottonwood cove escaped, though no one could explain how. The Great Khans turned on Ceasar's Legion, somehow seeing through the Legion's plan for them. The prison break that kept the NCR off-balance just... stopped.

Weeks later, the forces at Cottonwood Cove sickened. By the time they found out their camp was contaminated with nuclear waste they were already dead. Their abhorrence of technology meant they had neither the Geiger counters nor the radaway to save themselves.

Prepared caravaners found Aurelius of Phoenix's wasted corpse, bald, covered in radiation burns, withered to a radioactive husk. He was staring up at one of the locals he'd ordered crucified. On his desk was a note saying "I did this. Signed, the Courier. XXXOOO" right next to a pile of human waste with Aurelius's helmet on it.

Enraged, Edward Sallow, the man calling himself Caesar, sent his assassins after the Courier. A squad of four, his second finest men. Then his finest four men. Then his third finest, and his forth. He'd sent his fifth squad before the one of them, the second batch, was found. They were stripped naked, their sun-baked corpses posed humiliatingly in acts of mock-coitus.

The scouts reported dutifully that the squad leader was found sitting atop his own head. The scouts didn't think their commanders needed to know how far down he was sitting.

Sallow watched the reports come in as this phantom cut through his men not with ruthless efficiency, but what appeared to be intentional ruthless inefficiency. The Courier wandered lazily from Legion outpost to Legion outpost without regard to strategy. The NCR would fight with a plan that could be anticipated. They wanted territory, they wanted resources.

As far as Sallow could tell, the Courier just wanted him to suffer.

Nelson's occupation ended in a hail of molotov cocktails and sniper fire. The plot to destroy the monorail ended on the knuckles of a Brotherhood scribe's power fist. As to Dry Wells, and the massive Legion Reinforcements there?

The mushroom cloud rendered a scouts' report moot.

No one really believed that Sallow was stupid enough to invite the courier to his camp. According to the legend, however, that's what he did, thinking he could sway the Courier to his own side with promises of power and wealth.

The legend goes on that the Courier and a vengeful NCR ranger walked in through the gates as welcome guests, only to murder the forces there to the last man. Sallow died, they say, begging. The Courier butchered him with his honor guard's machete, just like the livestock he chose as his symbol.

Sallow, it seems, had been right about what the Courier wanted.

That's pure myth-making, of course. The idea that an itinerant hero hopped up on chems and a vengeful NCR sniper could kill their way through an entire, alerted camp on their own is absurd, power armor or not. It was an obvious coup by Legate Lannius that he blamed on the Courier. It did him little good, as he ruled the Legion for mere weeks before the second battle of Hoover Dam.

Barely literate raiders in football pads and machetes do not fare well against against Vertibirds and Securitrons, it turns out.

They say that it ended there. With the heads chopped off the proverbial brahmin, the Legion crumbled from a collapse of leadership and operational control, with rival raiders, the NCR, and slave uprisings killing their 'empire' via a thousand cuts. That's the official story.

That's a bigger pile of crap than the one on the Aurelius's desk. The cut that killed the Legion was Nipton and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. The few survivors of the Legion's Hoover Dam forces thought the Courier would stay in their neon kingdom.

They did not.

They marched East, the Courier and their warriors: Arcade Ganon the Doctor of the Apocalypse, Lily the Nightkin who they call Shadow of Death, the Ghoul Gunslinger Raul who never misses, the Sniper Boone who never forgives, Veronica the fallen scribe, and Rose Cassidy? She's just plain ornery. They marched with a squad of twenty Securitrons at their back and an army of silent, deadly ghosts.

They marched through Arizona, severing Pheonix from settlement after settlement, starving the great bull before descending upon it. When Pheonix fell, they didn't stop. I know because that's how I'm free today. I know how Ceasar's Legion died. I saw one of its deaths with my own eyes in my own village.

When each Legion settlement falls, as the red-bull banners burn atop the naked corpses of those legionaries who make the same mistake Vulpes Inculta made so long ago and far away, the captured slavers that call themselves an empire are gathered in a line leading to the Courier's tent.

Each one is brought, in turn, to the Courier. They stand, a growling half-robot dog at their left hand, a laser-wielding eyebot at their right, as the ex-legionary is commanded to kneel. They obey, as the command comes from behind them. There stands Boone, a gun once belonging to Joshua Graham in his right hand.

There's a moment of silence. Just as the first beads of sweat begin to roll down the prisoner's face, the courier pulls up not a machete, nor a gun, but a simple wooden sign.

"Say it." The courier says-

-and listens for the wrong answer.

#fallout #fallout new vegas #fanfic #the courier #caesar's legion #tales of revenge #vulpes inculta #you wanted me to tell people what happened there #unreliable narrator

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lixenn · 2 months ago

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*peeks from in between the steel bars of jail* Lix!!! Sending these in!!! I'm curious 👀✨

What’s your favorite thing to draw?

What’s your least favorite thing to draw?

How long does an average piece take you to complete?

What inspires you to not just make art, but to be a better artist?

*grabs your hands through the bars in yearning*

Ein, my beloved 🥹🥹🥹 may you be freed promptly and may those answers satisfy your curiousity in the meantime 🫡

What’s your favorite thing to draw?

I don't think I really have a definite favourite thing so I will just ramble about some stuff I really like 🫡

If we are talking subject matter than it's probably my friend's OCs ngl 🤣🤣 I like drawing for others and making people happy with my art so drawing my friend's blorbos brings me a lot of joy.

Going more into the specifics:

I love drawing fire because like I already mentioned I like glowy things LOL (I will always hear Rika whisper: "magpiecore" everytime I say this OTL) Since I also have drawing fire pretty much down, it's not something I struggle with and I always like the results so it's one art aspect that doesn't cause me frustration which is great.

I also like drawing hair but only specific hair types cause some drive me up the wall while others are super fun! While I only did it once each drawing Cilmi's textured hair and Magan's dreads? Fucking awesome, I love it! In generally I like sketching messy/fluffy hair tough when it comes to cleaning it up I'm not that much of a fan because I often feel like it misses the dynamic flow afterwards OTL

(This doesn't really apply anymore but additional Lixlore: I used to love drawing trees. Like... not tress with leaves and stuff but the bare bone ones? The ones you get in winter with only branches. I had this one art assignment in grade school where we needed to draw such tress with charcoal and I got the best grade for it and ever since then I was lowkey obssessed with drawing these kind of trees lmaooo. Back then I really didn't draw all that much, I was at most doodling but trees? Trees I was confident in <- I'm not really anymore I haven't drawn a tree in ages LOL)

What’s your least favorite thing to draw?

*stares into the distance*

Backgrounds. It's totally backgrounds, because perspective is such a fucking bitch and there are so many details TT it takes so long and it's probably why I don't tend to bother with it all that much (which is something I want to improve on).

Tbh I think part of it is because I need refs for backgrounds (which I assume most artists need unless you are idk insane?) and I'm kinda shit at finding specific refs. I know that there are a lot of tools for this stuff but then I need to get familiar with those and ugh...

Also sometimes even abstract ones are hard for me because those feel more like designing? (I hope you get what I mean, like... when you have patterns and stuff in the back) and I'm shit at designing too so I just kinda default to a plain colour and leave it at at OTL

How long does an average piece take you to complete?

Uff.... ummmm... wait lemme check IbisPaint 😅

Okay, naturally the time heavily depends on what I'm working at but if we are just looking at time spend drawing (as in what my program shows it took me):

Bust (rendered): 3 - 6 hours

Halfbody (rendered): 8 - 10 hours (tbh there's a lot of variation with that one so take it with a grain of salt)

Fullbody (rendered): around 24 hours

This is just a general estimate and I'm excluding stuff like detailed backgrounds, additional character and comics in this lol

Of course this is just drawing time in total and I dunno how accurate IbisPaint is with counting that? Also, I'm taking breaks so I'd say I can comfortably do a fully rendered bust in a day (if I have time and motivation), a halfbody probably takes me idk three or four days depending on complexity of pose and clothing and a fullbody takes me around a week or a bit longer. (again assuming I'm working under optimal conditions here)

Also, I will say that the time I need for a piece also varies on which art style I'm dabbling in and if I have a pose reference or not. Because if I just do lineart and gradient colouring with airbrush and I have a pose ref then I know I can do a fullbody in a day.

I would say I'm a pretty quick artist when it comes down to it? Again It comes down to what I'm drawing but when I know what I want and have the basic sketch down then I can speedrun the rest comfortably once I'm in the mood. (sometimes I feel like the thing that takes me the longest is finding refs OTL)

What inspires you to not just make art, but to be a better artist?

Definitely seeing other people's art. There are so many beautiful pieces out there, in so many different styles and it makes me want to draw everything. It's a weird mixture of admiration and envy because I look at pretty art and I partly go: "Wow, this is fucking awesome!" but also: "Fuck I wanna draw like that too." and more often than not this results in me opening a fresh canvas to draw a new thing.

Like... I still identify more as a writer than an artist because I know writing and I'm pretty damn confident in my writing but I still want to improve my art as well because it gives me more options. Also, I do enjoy a challenge and art is definitely a challenge for me (writing is as well but in a different way).

artist ask game

#ask answered #ask game #lixlore #thanks for sending these in ein they were fun to answer!

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birtuch · 2 years ago

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Ok so someone asked me to explain how billford fanfictions follow basically the same plot as the emperor's New groove

So here I am

Quick warning, I'm not great at explaining my thoughts, so I might repeat myself a little or not make complete sense in some areas. If this happens, please tell me and I'll correct it <3 (also I do not care enough to watch whatever other films or series there are of the emperor's New groove, Disney sequels suck so bad that I'm not putting myself through the misery of watching them just for whatever this is)

The emperor's New groove follows the story of a greedy, selfish Emperor named Kuzco and Pacha, the leader of his village in Emperor Kuzco's kingdom (which is unnamed)

Kuzco summons Pacha to the palace and tells him quite bluntly that he will be destroying his house on the hill to make room for Kuzco's summer home, his birthday present to himself. Does that sound familiar?

Well it should

The entire threat Bill poses in gravity falls is about how he wants to take over the world for his master party. Ruining earth to make room for his own entertainment.

"But birt!" I hear you saying, "gravity falls and the emperor's New groove have very different stories, how can they be similar?" And to that I say

FANFICTION.

I'm a disgrace to my family, and have read an ungodly amount of billford fanfiction to the point there's not a singular billford fanfic I haven't read on wattpad and physically HAD to move to AO3 for some more content. So let's just say, I've read a lot of them

Especially the ones where Bill turns human because I'm a sucker for any human Bill,

In those stories, it usually takes place after Bill has been defeated, and usually the axolotl brings him back to life as a human because of that backwards chant (prayer?? Idk what you'd call it) Bill made where he said something along the lines of "axolotl my time has come, uh, please save me, don't let me die, lol thx" something like that. Or, something like dipper brings him back or even that to defeat Bill, they had to trap him as a human, it really depends on the fanfic. But by some magical plot moment, Bill is human, he's back as a human and he usually does not have any of the powers that be had before, or he has a very limited amount of powers, not enough to destroy the world. He basically never has his full powers in them

In the emperor's New groove, in retaliation to Kuzco firing her, Yzma, with the help of Kronk, tries to poison Kuzco, but accidentally ends up turning him into a llama, stripping away all his power he had in the kingdom and rendering him useless.

In gravity falls and the emperor's New groove, Kuzco and Bill are incredibly selfish characters. They only live to serve themselves and do not care even the slightest about another person. They're also both.. incredibly flamboyant. Kuzco is definitely gay I'm so sorry, he literally looked at a line of the prettiest women in the kingdom and IMMEDIATELY said no to marrying all of them, but that's besides the point. The point is, they're very similar

In every billford fanfiction where Bill turns human and the entire plot of the emperor's New groove, both characters go through a journey of self growth as they try to go back to their original bodies, Stanford and Pacha teach Bill and Kuzco how to care for another person, and how their consequences have actions, and they eventually become a better person by the end.

But what about Yzma? And Kronk? Ha! I found a difference in the storie- Kryptos and (sometimes) Pyronica.

I'm not entirely sure why but for some reason I'm most of these fanfiction, Kryptos plays a MASSIVE role, usually becoming the new Bill cipher. I really have to ask.. why-? Why is Kryptos the new Bill cipher-? I mean, I get it, kind of, not entirely, but you have SO many other henchmaniacs.. and y'all chose Kryptos -? I mean, alright I guess-

But anyway, Kryptos is usually the new Bill cipher, and to fully claim his seat as the new leader, he feels he has to kill Bill (haha, reference).

Yzma, in the emperor's New groove, after Kuzco is turned into a Llama, she's ALSO trying to kill Kuzco, to fully claim her seat as the emperor of the unnamed kingdom

So uh, that was my thought process behind it.. I might add to it later, if I feel like it.

And to end, I will show you all the NEW CANON HUMAN BILL DESIGN

Totally definitely canon yup, mhm :)

#gravity falls #gravity falls fanart #bill cipher #billford #human bill cipher #the emperors new groove #emperor kuzco #kuzco #pacha #the emperor's new groove #gravity falls au

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theirishsweepmktg · 2 years ago

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Unconventional Approaches of Chimney Sweeps: An Inside Look

Witnessing the diverse strategies employed by chimney sweeps in their pursuit of business can be quite intriguing. With over four decades of dedicated service, our seasoned chimney cleaners at The Irish Sweep have encountered it all – ranging from the bizarre to the outright hazardous. In this article, we delve into the unconventional tactics we've truly come across within the chimney sweep industry, and shed light on the potential pitfalls that can arise within a household when opting not to engage with experienced chimney cleaners.

When conducting a professional chimney inspection, we undertake a photographic, documented camera examination to ensure our clients' security and maintain records. As experts, we recognize that the condition of a chimney's interior often differs significantly from what can be observed with the naked eye from the exterior – and this has serious implications for home safety. Consider the following:

Chimneys obstructed by debris can lead to poor indoor air quality or even carbon monoxide poisoning.

Accumulated creosote can elevate the risk of chimney fires and house fires.

Structural impairment within a chimney might render it vulnerable to collapsing, particularly in the event of an earthquake.

Despite this, on numerous occasions during our work, we've encountered chimney cleaners who adopt an entirely different approach.

"I'll Just Use My Phone"

Though a standard iPhone camera cannot replicate the level of detail provided by a professional inspection camera, one chimney sweep seemed undeterred. Instead of employing a camera with high image quality for interior chimney examination, we witnessed this individual lowering an iPhone down the chimney to assess its condition.

This practice raised significant concerns for us. We understood that this approach would fail to offer our clients the level of detail and documentation we could provide – not to mention the potential safety risk to their phone!

"X-Ray Vision"

On one occasion, a team member overheard a customer mentioning that another "inspector" had claimed the ability to comprehensively assess the chimney's condition solely with their eyes. Clearly, relying on such a method is neither safe nor reliable for chimney inspection!

While opting for a subpar chimney sweep might seem financially appealing, the risks involved simply outweigh any potential benefits.

"I Can't See it, But it Looks Great"

We've also encountered situations where a company performed a chimney inspection prior to cleaning it. Naturally, if a chimney is dirty, there isn't much to inspect – the clay flue liners and associated mortar joints are likely coated with creosote and ash residue.

Our practice is to always clean a chimney before conducting an inspection. This is the only way to obtain an accurate understanding of potential repair needs.

"Under The Table"

Regrettably, there are unlicensed and inexperienced individuals who engage in unregulated work "under the table." This not only poses safety hazards but is also illegal.

In California, individuals lacking licenses are prohibited from carrying out repairs essential for ensuring a safe chimney operation. Additionally, any work exceeding $600.00 in value for time and materials requires a licensed contractor.

Selecting Chimney Cleaners with Dedication

At The Irish Sweep, we unwaveringly adhere to the highest safety standards. As licensed and insured chimney cleaning professionals, we've been serving the community since 1982. If you require chimney sweeping, dryer vent cleaning, or other home services, don't hesitate to reach out to us. We're delighted to offer you a complimentary estimate.

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elysia-nsimp · 3 years ago

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And now, even MORE TWST as things my friends and I said!

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6

CW: stuff like. sex jokes and friendly bullying/threats (all lighthearted and in good fun)

——

Yuu: And by that, I mean Jade

[THUNDER CRASHES OUTSIDE]

——

Idia: all condoms are recipes for allergic reactions to me though because I’m actually allergic to sex /j

——

Lilia: I have arriven

Lilia: it’s like arrived but fancier

——

Dude at school: HEY CAN YOU GRANT THREE WISHES

Lilia: three wishes?

Dude: yes

Lilia: Hmm… if you give me your name!

Dude: Great! My name’s Blake

Lilia: Be careful what you wish for.

…: I wish for a [describes a super specific car], enough money to buy a house, and a sailboat that can take me across the sea

Lilia: Great! Your car doesn’t work, you can only afford a tiny shitty ass house—

…: [LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF]

Lilia: And your sailboat will sink after one trip across the sea.

Lilia: Enjoy your wishes! And thanks for your name, I’ll take good care of it~

——

Floyd: My parents—who I KNOW can hear me right now—are going to be so disappointed when they start finding tiny plastic babies around the house. I will hide tiny plastic babies around the house. This is both a threat and a promise.

——

Cater: Some people just know where they belong. Like me! I belong in horny jail.

Cater: Which is really ironic because I’m demi… it’s like I’m not usually horny, but then I really am!

——

Azul, playing DnD: My character lets out a shrek- SHRIEK-

Idia: Azul let out a SHREK /j

Idia: who let the dogs out but it’s badly rendered Shrek models t-posing /j

——

Cater, pointing at a drawing of a dead flower (x eyes and all): that’s me

——

Ruggie: I’m so fucking god that it’s cold

——

Azul: jumps several hundred of feet off a cliff, survives

Idia: mecore

Azul: WHA- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

——

Idia: CAUSE BABY TONIGHT, THE CREEPERS TRYING TO STEAL ALL OUR STUFF AGAAAAIIII-

Azul: I am going to slit your throat

——

Idia: this is so sad, Ortho play despacito

Idia: WAIT DONT ACTUALLY

Ortho: okay, playing Despacito

Idia: NOOO

Ortho: Aye~

Idia: SHUT UP. SHUT. UP.

——

Cater: WHY DO YOU KEEP REBLOGGING ALL THE POSTS I REBLOG

Ace, giggling:

Cater,giggling: IM REBLOGGING A GOUGER SO TJEN YOULL HAVE TO REBLOG A GOUGER

Ace, still giggling:

Cater: REBLOG THE GOUGER ACE

Ace, reblogging:

Both of them, giggling their asses off:

——

Azul: Im just gonna cross my fingers and hope that if I stop responding then you'll stop

Idia: blOWS UP, THEN YOUR HEALTH BAR DROPS YOU COULD USE A 1 UP

Azul: I was mistaken. I was very sadly mistaken

——

Lilia: Malleus, are you going through the five stages of grief right now?

Malleus: yea

Malleus: thnx for noticing

——

Ruggie: I'm deathly allergic to cats, if I eat a cat, I will die

——

Cater: if your house is on fire, and you got one of those little meow meows, just chuck it out the window, it'll be fine

——

Malleus: Yuu don’t do this, I might actually start crushing on you—this is a dangerous game. YUU BE CAREFUL

——

…(Blake): ELF- ELF EARS

…: OI

Lilia: Hm?

…, in a Scottish accent: Hi can I have more wishes :D

Lilia: Even after last time?

…: Ehhh, it worked out in the end!…. Eventually.

Lilia, shaking his head: So greedy…

——

Deuce: What is a socialist? And where can I buy one?

——

Ace: The girls are fighting and Barbie is winning

——

Idia: I had a depressive episode called “quarantine”

——

Kalim during CH4: Awww poor snake

Yuu: the SNAKE is making BAD CHOICES.

——

Lilia: Eating a plum at 3 am (gone wrong) (police called)

——

Deuce: crap

Riddle: LANGUAGE

Deuce: I JUST SAID CRAP

Ace: Fuck.

both gasp, then go incredibly silent.

Deuce: …

Deuce: LANGUAGE…

——

Leona, gesturing to Cheka: This child is a piece of shit. Get the parents involved before I fistfight him myself.

——

Vil: do you want to be the monster that runs into a wall and dies?

Lilia: YES????? HELLO????????

——

Ace: but was the grink there?

——

Jack: I promise I’ll protect you from Danny DeVito /gen

Yuu: thank you

——

Lilia: I need to do more roleplays in furry games

——

Ace: Fishing is like tinder for fish kissers

Floyd: fishr

Jamil: what

——

Sebek: You’d think having longer ears would mean I could hear you better, but no, I have an auditory processing disorder.

——

Crowley: Number one! E! As in… E.

——

Cater: Can you feel it in your bones, Kalim

Kalim: I CANT. MY BONES ARE FAILJNG ME.

Kalim: I THKNK I HAVE A BONE DEFICIENCY

——

Cater, to Riddle: Don't be British in front of your mom

——

Floyd: Don't kidnap the local tiger, he doesn't wanna live in your bathroom!

Yuu: Why would you keep a tiger in your bathroom??

Floyd: Uhhhh.. um.. D- Don't ask questions you don't want answers to! A- And don't look in my bathroom!

——

Lilia: modern jesus is staring at me blankly. except modern jesus has no face.

——

Anyway that’s the end. I still have more. Plus a whole other server of quotes that I haven’t touched from a few years ago…

Already making another one bc I didn’t wanna put too many in this post lmao

Tags: @aetherphobia @thesunshineriptide @end3rm1st lmk if you wanna be tagged lmaooo

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fourseasonsfigs · 2 years ago

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Firefighter Huo Yan

This brave little fireman is the third in this series of Gong Jun figs - I posted about Ice Cream Cutie and Cute Nezha before.

Huo Yan is the character that he played in The Flaming Heart. Have some wonderful behind the scenes photos of Gong Jun in this uniform:

I put this shot first because I love it so much. This is just gorgeous. The pose, the angle - never would I think a firefighting uniform could look so much like high fashion. Spectacular.

Living in fire-prone Southern California has made me incredibly grateful for the unbelievably brave firefighters there and all across the US. True heroes indeed. That being said, I've never been into the actual fire uniform look, although I know plenty of folks that are. I will say Gong Jun and Zhang Zhehan's firefighting shows have made me see the error of my ways.

I don't know how I was wrong about so many things before I fell into this fandom, but it has opened my mind! Dog and cat attributes on figs/dolls/art, bright colorful patterned clothing, all kinds of clothing and styling, etc etc. It's nice to be wrong sometimes, and then suddenly be gifted with a whole new world of things to enjoy out there. It would be like me going through life thinking lilikoi is just not something I'm into eating, and then trying it, and then suddenly the whole world of passionfruit flavors is opened up to me! Incredible. (Except maybe passionfruit-flavored coffee, we all know that's just not two combinations that go together well)

Like the other two figs, our brave little toaster arrived snuggly packed in a protective polystyrene cut out box.

This time Gong Jun's patented Very Serious Model Face is now the Very Serious Firefighting Business Face, and I respect it!

Love this fig angle! He looks so stern and resolute! The Very Serious Firefighting Business Face has now taken on distinct characteristics of I'm Saving That Cat No Matter What, Sir

I'm really enjoying the cowlick of hair in the back of his head. This is a nice angle to see the details on his gloves too, which is not visible in the tunnel pics above but is visible in the pic of him with his coffee on his phone.

Lot of lines going on in this top with the reflective bands and the belt. This angle always distorts lines (like how I pin that on the angle and not on my rudimentary photography skills?), so you'll see in the next picture how the factory actually did a pretty good job of keeping it all fairly clean.

See what I mean? The lines look great here. They also actually modeled the belt to be 3-D and slightly bigger than the jacket, which is a great detail. Same with the jacket sleeves being larger than his gloves.

His little arms are so cute here. I really like when the fig makers model detailed little hands with fingers, but I'm also weak for more stylized hands too. You know it.

SPEAKING of cute, I just now noticed the little smiley face on his right shoulder badge. AHHHH! I had to go back and zoom in to the badge on his other shoulder to see if it was the same, and it is. Too cute!

You can see in this pic and the one above that he has the Fig Forward Lean going on, which helps to offset the weight of the head so the fig can stand up well. He does stand securely - it also helps that his legs and boots are close together, which actually forms one solid and more stable unit.

Which you can see better here. I upped the exposure on this so you can hopefully see the adorable fact that his helmet is hollow in the interior! The over-bright exposure does wash out the deep black of his uniform, but the little helmet detail is too cute to miss. It's clearly way too small of a helmet to fit on his big ol' serious head, so it must be for the Jiangxi cat he's rescuing.

Hehe, I like the suggestion the slightly spiky-topped hair Gong Jun has here. Always delighted by the way fig makers render the many, many varieties of short hair for both Zhehan and Junjun.

Adorable art here on the box card, which matches the box here - yes, it's the same box on all three of these figs so far!

I will note for those following this post from the other two figs in this series, that despite significant effort combing Xianyu over the last week, I still have seen not a single fig that could be anything approaching that Pokéball Jun there on the side of that box. I still can't believe I had no idea that this existed and I MUST HAVE IT. It's adorable!

Material: Resin

Fig Count: 253

Scene Count: 18

Rating: Someone needs to stop climbing trees!

[link back to Master Fig Index for more posts]

#junzhe #gong jun #word of honor cast #woh cast #shl #shl cast #huo yan #the flaming heart #jzeu #figthusiast

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agentrouka-blog · 4 years ago

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Significance of Sansa and Tyrion fleeing Kings landing after Joffrey's death and having to pose as bastards ( Hugor Hill and Alayne stone ) ?

Well.

Sansa has to pose as a bastard. Tyrion chooses to do so because Illyrio gives him an unsatisfactory name.

Sansa is named by Littlefinger, after his mother.

Tyrion names himself, after legendary Andal king Hugor of the Hill (supposed ancestor of the Arryns), who was foretold a mighty kingdom, crowned with stars by the Father, given a beautiful girl to wife by the Maid, given armor for his sons by the Smith, etc.

Yollo? Yollo sounds like something you might name a monkey. Worse, it was a Pentoshi name, and any fool could see that Tyrion was no Pentoshi. "In Pentos I am Yollo," he said quickly, to make what amends he could, "but my mother named me Hugor Hill."

"Are you a little king or a little bastard?" asked Haldon.

Tyrion realized he would do well to be careful around Haldon Halfmaester. "Every dwarf is a bastard in his father's eyes."

(ADWD, Tyrion III)

Like with "Alayne", the Jon references are overflowing.

Interestingly, Tyrion does not change his chapter titles with his new identities, the way Sansa does, or Arya does.

Hugor, though, has some interesting parallels with Victarion Greyjoy.

An old legend told in Pentos claims that the Andals slew the swan maidens who lured travelers to their deaths in the Velvet Hills that lie to the east of the Free City. A hero whom the Pentoshi singers call Hukko led the Andals at that time, and it is said that he slew the seven maids not for their crimes but instead as sacrifice to his gods. There are some maesters who have noted that Hukko may well be a rendering of the name of Hugor. But even more so than in the Seven Kingdoms, ancient legends from the east must be distrusted. Too many peoples have traveled back and forth, and too many legends and tales have mingled.

(The World of Ice and Fire - Ancient History: The Arrival of the Andals)

Which, you know..

A great cry went up at his words. The captain answered with a nod, grim-faced, then called for the seven girls he had claimed to be brought on deck, the loveliest of all those found aboard the Willing Maiden. He kissed them each upon the cheeks and told them of the honor that awaited them, though they did not understand his words. Then he had them put aboard the fishing ketch that they had captured, cut her loose, and had her set afire.

"With this gift of innocence and beauty, we honor both the gods," he proclaimed, as the warships of the Iron Fleet rowed past the burning ketch. "Let these girls be reborn in light, undefiled by mortal lust, or let them descend to the Drowned God's watery halls, to feast and dance and laugh until the seas dry up."

(ADWD, Victarion I)

Tyrion, my man, you are full of hidden darkness.

Anyway, I'd claim this as a fairly insignificant parallel between Sansa and Tyrion, in a phase of the book where false/new identities abound: Quentyn, Aegon, Sansa, Arya, Jeyne, Theon, Sarella, Catelyn, Gregor, Sandor, Mance, Aemon Steelsong and Monster, etc etc etc.

#anti tyrion lannister #sansa stark #alayne stone #hidden identity #hugor of the hill #victarion greyjoy #parallels

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quiveringdeer · 5 years ago

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I hope the readmore posts right. If not. Sorry non filthy followers. This is my first long more than a dm ramble slasher fic. So please be gentle. Would love feedback if you feel inspired to!

Many thanks to @thesightstoshowyou for encouraging me to turn my original rambling into something more. And to @youtastelikesugar for beta reading for me! Love y'all dearly!!

Warnings: Minor character death, abuse, noncon, sexual themes, asphyxiation, strangling, really really not for the casually thirsty. It hits pretty dark moments that go far and some may not want to read. 18+ Please head these warnings!!

You and Bo are an item. Let's not dwell on the how and just focus on the now, shall we?

He's still got the anger issues but for the most part when it comes to y'all you work them out in the bedroom. Or his truck. Or kitchen. The theater. Hell, even that one time on the roof of the house. Who knew stargazing could make someone so frisky?

When Bo needs to have things rough, which is almost always, it's nothing you can't handle. If it was you wouldn't have made it anywhere close to this point in your relationship.

No. You offer up whatever Bo needs. And for a while you are more than enough.

But there's a deep darkness there. And sometimes his hands around your throat merely rendering you unconscious isn’t enough to ease the tension built up inside him.

So you come to an agreement. If he needs this one thing you can’t provide personally then you’ll let him take it from others.

If you’re topside when new visitors roll in it becomes your own little game betting on which one he’ll choose. And no matter how much the flirting escalates or how many days he keeps them locked away under the station, you’re the one he comes home to. You’re the one providing everything else he desperately needs and desires.

But as with all things there’s always a threshold.

So it comes to pass when a sweet young thing roles into town with a couple friends. Immediately you know which of the prey Bo will zero in on. He’s so predictable at times. Or more accurately he’s predictable to you because you know him so well. Sometimes better than he knows himself with the way he still tries to deny those thoughts and feelings that aren’t so easy for him to accept.

You do your part. Leading persuading the other friends to follow you to the house while Bo works on their car. Certainly some refreshments and home cooked food for their bellies is better than standing around while he fiddles with their car.

A smirk curves your lips at the face you expect him to make at your flippant comment about his work. Then quickly falls when you realize his attention is too enraptured by his chosen quarry. Swallowing down the sour taste of jealousy blooming on your tongue you force an easy smile back to your lips.

“Don’t take too long Bo.” You call out as you usher the other visitors out into the Louisiana heat. You’re proud of how carefree your tone comes off. But he catches the warning, meeting your eyes with one of those patented smirks of his.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Darlin’.”

A small but sweet acknowledgement of claim that easily washes away that bitter tang of jealousy lingering at the back of your mouth. You were his and he was yours. Even if the victim was unaware or ignoring it. All that mattered was that Bo remember that.

Vincent takes care of the other two with ease as they sit at the small dining table outside the kitchen door. Just as you’re bringing out two chilled glasses of lemonade to the table he’s knocked them both unconscious. Blessedly without spilling too much blood.

It’s why you’d moved a table out here to sit the victims. The dark wood of this room easier to remove stains than having to regrout light colored tile in the kitchen. Never again you’d vowed.

Dinner has come and gone. Vincent has already posed and coated the others in wax. Moved onto the smoothing and carving of their new flesh.

You take extra time in the shower. Allowing the warm water to ease the tension you’ve been carrying since serving dinner for three instead of four. You deep condition your hair and breathe in the calming scent of eucalyptus and vanilla infused candles. You take time letting your hair air dry while exfoliating your face and moisturizing every inch of your body.

It’s near 10:30pm and still Bo hasn’t come home. You know he’s fine. His new little toy deftly restrained in his own undertown “workshop.” But usually he has the decency to come home! Is he planning on spending the night there?

That bitterness from earlier is clawing up your throat. You blow out the relaxing candle that was doing a pisspoor job of keeping you relaxed and move into the bedroom. You weren’t going to wait up for him. With any luck you’d be asleep by the time he dragged his ass home.

One. Two. Three. Three fucking days of Bo spending all his free time at the damn gas station.

In those three days you couldn’t pinpoint exactly why THIS particular fixation of his was making you so agitated but enough was enough.

Packing up food from this night’s dinner that he’d forgone, yet again, you make your way into town. The gas station doors aren’t locked. Why would they need to be when no one entered the boundaries of this town without you all knowing.

A heavy bassline thumps through the radio speakers in the lobby. You pay no mind to the words as your ears zero in on the strained screaming of the poor soul who’d become Bo’s current preoccupation.

Inhaling and exhaling deeply you school your expression into a stoic mask then descend into Bo’s DIY Tartarus.

This door is locked. In case the prey finds some way to get loosed you presume.

“ ‘M busy!” You hear Bo growl out over the woman’s reinvigorated pleas for help.

“I advise penciling me in.” You call back in a sickly saccharine voice. You tended to stay away from either of the twins’ workshops. Even with his hydrophobic and soap-phobic tendencies you found Lester’s art more tolerable. If you wanted to watch any of the brothers with their chosen crafts.

You believe you hear Bo say something like “stay there” but the soft volume makes you assume he’s not talking to you. Moments later there’s a click before the door swings open to reveal a sweaty, shirtless Bo. Jeans slung low on his hips and haphazardly zipped with the button at his fly remaining undone. “Hey Suga’. What brings ya by?”

With more force than necessary you press the bag of leftovers into his chest while pinning him with a pleasantly chipper smile before walking around him into the space. “Dinner. Figured you’d need something to refuel from all the activities keeping you away from home.” Your gaze sweeps the dim room, drawn immediately to the lamp light illuminating the mattress right in front of the door.

The poor woman is stretched supine on the dingy sheets. Arms above her head, wrists bound tight with duct tape. Legs spread wide and tethered by the ankles with some thick, garish yellow nylon rope that prevent her from closing.

“Thanks Darlin’.” Bo mentions cautiously. Your temper isn’t volatile and unpredictable like his. It’s piercing and direct, like a bullet. And when he had his wits about him he did well to remain out of the line of fire. Though obviously somehow he’d gotten pulled into your sights. He moves closer to you, leaning in to kiss your cheek. A gesture you allow, leaning your cheek out for him in encouragement.

“Welcome. This is a different setup than I remember.”

“Made a few changes.”

“Hmm..well. I’m not here to interrupt too long. Feel free to continue.”

A smirk balances precariously on his lips as he pins you with a skeptical look. “Ya wan’ta watch?”

“Yeah.” You respond with a casual shrug. “I want to see what’s so captivating about this one to keep you here so much.”

“Alright Darlin’.” Bo kicks the door closed and sets the leftovers to the side before moving back in front of the woman on the bed who’s returned to pitiful sobbing. “Looks like we got an audience sweetheart. Better make it a great show hn?” That patented smirk is fully lodged on his face now as he pushes denim and cotton down over his hips.

You think about remaining standing to the side but something urges you to sit down on the mattress, near the victims mucus and tear stained face.

Bo pumps his cock against his palm, pretty baby blues raking over your form as you reach out to tenderly stroke the woman’s hair. She’s babbling again. Begging you for mercy. Mercy you aren’t in any position to grant at this point. Without warning Bo snaps his hips forward, sheathing himself completely in the warm sloppy mess he’s made of her cunt. The force jolts her body up the mattress as it rips a high pitched yelp from her throat

“Shh...Shhh…” You coo, fingers still tenderly stroking over locks of filthy hair. Dried cum, blood and sweat matting them into clumps you don’t attempt to untangle. Your soothing goes unheaded as Bo wastes no time upping his face. His fingers digging bruises into her hips as he brutally batters her overused hole. The woman’s shrieks ramp up in volume alongside his pace. The pitch ear splitting. You wonder how after three days she hasn’t completely lost her voice. Brows pinching into a scowl you stand from the mattress. The motion raises Bo’s gaze to you but his movements don’t ease up.

You’re not sure what has possessed you to these actions but in moments you’ve kicked off your shoes and pulled off your own jeans and underwear. The discarded jeans land close to the mattress as you step up to place a foot on either side of her head. Carefully you lower yourself until your pussy hovers over her open mouth. “If you’re not gonna be quiet then at least be useful.” Bo’s thrusts have stopped now. Watching you in a slight daze as you straddle the other woman’s face, frowning down at her as you speak. “Now lick. Do a good job and maybe I’ll find you a way out of this mess. Hm?” You lower your hips as her tongue eagerly lifts up to meet your slit. Willing to do anything to escape this hell she’d found herself in.

A deep appreciative moan spills from your lips as you close your eyes and focus on the feel of her tongue lapping over and between your folds. When Bo doesn’t immediately begin his vigorous thrusting you open your gaze to him. “Well? You gonna let me have all the fun now?” Fun? Who were you right now?

A genuine smile you’d almost label sappy blooms on Bo’s handsome face. One of his hands extends up to grip your chin firmly, pulling you forward enough to kiss you deep. All tongue and teeth for a long few moments before pulling back and restarting his punishing pace. “Wouldn’t dream of it, Darlin’”

The phrase does more to light a fire in your belly than the tongue working your sex or his hungry kiss. A smile brightens your own face as you close your eyes and rock your hips against the woman’s face. Reveling in the positive feelings swirling through your body instead of the negative ones trying to launch up to the surface.

In time you reach down and swirl your fingers over her clit. You’re sure Bo has worked her through numerous orgasms in the past few days. He gets off even more manipulating that pleasure from bodies that try hardest to resist. But you want to gift her some pleasure. Surely she’s earned it surviving this long.

Together you pull multiple orgasms from her overloaded body until the fatigue is too much and her body sinks exhausted against the mattress. Barely any energy to keep motion in her tongue. A limp and sleepy doll is no fun for anyone.

A dark idea lances to the front of your mind. It sets off a shudder through your body like a firework exploding in a radiant sphere of lines with each fizzling out along your nerve endings leaving your whole body tingling. Before your rational mind talks you out of it your hands move around the woman’s throat. It’s strange from this angle but you do your best to apply pressure against her carotid artery and vagus nerve with your thumbs. Causing that beautiful build of pressure which makes one feel like they’re floating. Hands overlapping the front of her throat, the sides of your fingers apply enough force to cut her access to new oxygen without smashing her trachea. The loss of oxygen is enough to immediately spark renewed energy throughout her body. Her bound wrists beat against your back weakly as her body begins to jerk and convulse beneath you both. You know it’s one of Bo’s favorite ways to finish and you want to show him that you can be a part of snapping the tension built up inside him.

Your gaze trails from where his hips continue bucking into this latest little doll up to his baby blues. She wouldn’t survive this. But you would. You’d still be here.

“Mine.” You state firmly, leaning forward seeking a kiss which he earnestly provides. His hands cup your face hard while he snaps his hips. Once. Twice. Three times and he’s spilling into her cunt for the last time. Your hands remain closed tight on her throat until the thrashing stills. You can now give him everything. Without your body ending up forever unconscious to be discarded for another. You can give him everything he needs and desires. Only you.

#nat writes #slashers #bo sinclair #bo sinclair x reader #bo sinclair x you #slasher x reader #slasher x you

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warsofasoiaf · 5 years ago

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Character Analysis: Jon Irenicus

Irenicus is a fun villain, and I think nailed one interesting element of writing down, that of bringing down the villain’s threat in an interesting and believable way. The hero typically grows in power in any story, not just in a game where your progression is literally your XP, but what the villain does, how they grow, is also interesting. If the villain is more powerful than the hero, and also does things to grow and learn, theoretically the villain should still be wrecking house. BG2 wove this into the story itself, where the more you learned about Irenicus, the less menacing he became, culminating into where he was arguably your lesser at the end: he was powerful but only aping what you were.

Obviously, spoilers for BG2 abound.

Baldur’s Gate II introduces us to our villain almost as a cold open. Fresh off the high of defeating Sarevok, you leave Baldur’s Gate after being pressured to leave by “dark forces” and by those who suspected that you shared similar heritage to Sarevok. Seems a bit odd, honestly, to oust the Bhaalspawn with suspicion given that during the course of Baldur’s Gate I, you saved two of the Grand Dukes. It’s certainly understandable that folks would fear your heritage and you’d want to move on to greener pastures, but something more than a 3-minute cut scene would have probably set the scene better.

However, this opening, and the ‘cutscene’ that follows gives Irenicus a grand initial reveal to the player. This guy is an ultra-powerful wizard, and he speaks with a clinical detachment as he states: “It’s time for more experiments.” It’s a wonderful opening to illustrate exactly what you’re dealing with. He’s clearly interested in your godly soul, and exploiting it to some unknown purpose. What is unknown, as he gets called away by some unspecified intruders by a golem. In the next scene, magical traps are set off as an unspecified Shadow Thief gets disintegrated. Story-wise, this serves no purpose, it’s purely meant to be a way to show off the new spell effects and other cosmetic changes to the engine from Baldur’s Gate II, with the disintegration dust and the screen shaking. But it does help illustrate the power level that Irenicus is throwing around. Save-or-die spells were relatively rare in the lower level of Baldur’s Gate I, even Semaj, Sarevok’s mage companion, wasn’t firing off disintegration willy-nilly. Throwing around disintegration spells clearly shows that Irenicus is a new high-level baddy. Later we see that he killed characters from Baldur’s Gate I off-screen, Khalid and Dynahier, two of the three sets of paired companions from BG1. This gives their partners reason to join in with the player character, but it also serves to show his power; Irenicus is such a bad dude that he can wipe your party before the game starts, like he was getting coffee. It might be a cruel cut, but that’s its intent, to make the player character mad at the villain, to want to punch his smarmy face in.

Commensurate in the danger of Irenicus is the need to find out what’s going on. Irenicus clearly knows something about your godly soul and so you want to find out what he knows. Even for an upstanding lawful good character, growing in power means finding a way to effect good on a larger scale, and perhaps to overcome the evil in your tainted blood. After all, no matter how good you were in Baldur’s Gate I, you still were an incredibly powerful killer. Sure, most if not all of them were bad dudes, Mulahey the iron ore poisoner, the bandits of Cloakwood, the Iron Throne and their plans to take over the Sword Coast. But chaos and destruction follow in your wake, and that chaos undoubtedly would hurt innocent civilians; Saradush in Throne of Bhaal is clear of that enough. Even just knowing more about what is going on could better prepare you for the next Irenicus or the next Sarevok.

When you go through the starter dungeon (another piece of game design, you are being tutorialized but the pastoral instruction of Candlekeep makes no sense for someone who already had an adventure), pieces of the man start to fall into place. He holds a bunch of captive dryads as concubines to remind him of someone he lost. He keeps an immaculate bedroom for a companion that is never there, with an alarm ready to dispatch the golems to kill any who cross the threshold. There’s a woman that was in his life that is no longer there, and the loss pains him, or at least, it seems that it should. Chatter with Imoen and the dryads show that this mystery man is trying to elicit feelings that he had lost, and that’s an entirely different case of worms than pining over a lost love. There’s some element of almost-unwilling psychopathy to these actions. Other hints in this dungeon illustrate this as well. His servants, discarded in vats and forgotten about entirely, would at first evoke classical evil overlords casually disregarding their own subjects. He’s almost all of the way there, but there’s enough there that the player is suggested that there has to be something more to it than that. He does seem to have some sort of sociopathy to him, where people are objects that he can find fascinating but he has no empathy. We see this later with Wanev, who Irenicus spares solely because he was hit by a spell that left him a lunatic, which Irenicus found funny, the administrator of a jail for the insane now rendered an insane patient himself.

He is powerful though, that much is clear when you break out of the starter dungeon. His display of magic collapsed part of Waukeen’s Promenade, and when the regulatory magical body of the Cowled Wizards comes to shut it down, Irenicus is capable of swatting mages like they were mosquitos. Just like the Shadow Thieves that he had been fighting, Irenicus seems more annoyed at the interruptions than any physical threat posed by his myriad foes. He’s definitely a powerful wizard, and when he finally submits to the Cowled Wizards, he does so clearly as their superior, dragging Imoen along with him. It’s fairly plain from a game design perspective what Irenicus is doing; he’s going to Spellhold so you have to get there. Good characters want to rescue Imoen, evil characters want to interrogate him to unlock the power in your blood. Either way, the player character is given a goal, and Irenicus disappears physically from the story for the moment.

He isn’t absent though. In your dreams, Jon Irenicus waxes philosophical at the player character, evoking thought-provoking questions. He explains the paradox of your existence of being born of murder, given life from the act of taking life. He speaks about accepting the gifts that will be given to you, regardless of whether or not you want them. These dream sequences are clear upgrades in quality and presentation from the spoken-dialogue text boxes from the first game after you beat major milestones. David Warner does a great job here in delivering Irenicus’s lines, he feels like a evil mentor speaking about philosophical topics with the same detachment that he tortured the player character with in the opening. While we find out later that these dreams aren’t sendings from Irenicus but rather parts of your character’s godly subconscious, they suggest to the player going through Chapter 3 that Irenicus does indeed know a hell of a lot more about you and your godly blood, keeping the player interesting in finding out exactly what it is you need to find out. The other quests in Chapter Three don’t have much to do with Irenicus, aside from some random events with the guild war in Athkatla at night, where the player will find out pretty quick that one side is powered by vampires, the level drain and click-dialogue of “your blood is rather inviting” isn’t exactly hiding that there be vampires engaged in a secret war with the Shadow Thieves. Even then, it’s tangential. You knew the Shadow Thieves were attacking Irenicus, which suggests at least some level of camaraderie with the vampires, but as we saw with the deep dwarves in Irenicus’s lair, he doesn’t care about followers, and they might simply be disposable assets if anything at all. If you want to know about Irenicus, you’re going to have to get it from the man himself.

Of course, as befits a high-level mage, Irenicus breaks out of the prison in a cutscene, kills the Cowled Wizards and goes back to whatever unsavory plans he thought up for Imoen, teleporting into the lobby and chewing the scenery with his “I CANNOT BE CAGED!” speech, reinforcing his position as the central big bad and confirming the Cowled Wizards as mere obstacles. This part of his plan has been made clear. Far from the meddling Shadow Thieves and Cowled Wizards, Irenicus can continue his experiments on Imoen in Spellhold, and it falls on the player character to go there and end it. Irenicus, of course, knows this too, and he makes sure he has contingency plans to deliver you to him. I’m of three minds on this. On one, he’s so powerful it seems that he is so powerful, and Amn so large, that plenty of these isolated areas within the continent would service just as well for Irenicus’s lair. Why waste time with all of this blah-blah-blah and just take what he wants? It’s not like teleport spells are beyond his ken. On the other hand, it’s a good way to break up into the freeform quest design that Chapter Three gives, offers the chance for your characters to level up and get cool gear, lets you rock the stronghold quests which definitely let you feel your class and increase replay value, and the idea of the forbidding wizard in the island lair is an excellent backdrop. On the third, it’s in-character for an immortal mage to have plans within plans, even to the point of complexity addiction, although his conduct afterward sort of torpedoes this idea.

That is, after he recaptures you, he immediately goes back to work to his experiments, and after another trippy dream sequence with Imoen, you find his plan. His goal is to absorb your divine soul, taking it for his own. He doesn’t explain anything more, but now that he has you, he discards you just as he has so many others. Telling his sister Bodhi to dispose of you is what keeps him from being someone like the Riddler, since he’s actually going for a proper smart villain play and killing the soulless husk he leaves behind just in case he pulls a protagonist move and comes clawing back for his stolen soul. It’s Bodhi’s instability, her desire to hunt you brought on by her vampirism, that keeps you alive. After the player character becomes the Slayer, Bodhi tells Irenicus, but true to his condescending nature, he simply...ignores the PC, writing them off as someone who is going to keel over any second due to their lack of soul, completely oblivious to the fact that Bhaal’s avatar was the Slayer, and it’s clear that something is replacing the void that he left within you. The PC must effectively turn that dismissiveness against him, by releasing the imprisoned mages within Spellhold, from the powerful but mostly harmless Dili to the megalomaniacal Tiax. Yet this hard-fought battle does not end with Irenicus’s death and your victory, instead Irenicus goes to pursue his other, as-yet unknown goals while he sends another band of cutthroats to die at your hand.

Yoshimo is sort of my feelings on this Irenicus’s Spellhold plot writ small. As powerful as Irenicus is, he really doesn’t need Yoshimo, not if he has Sarmon Havarian and so many others. Yoshimo shows up in the starter dungeon, and is useful if a bit obsequious in a “who me?” sort of fashion. He doesn’t have a really good reason to stay with the party from a story reason that he gives you. He could have said: “Hey, thanks for getting me out. Deuces!” Yoshimo’s geas gets him to want to stay with the party, otherwise he’s dead. In that sense, it makes sense for him to want to be with the group. And as the only thief who gains levels aside from the absolutely annoying Jan Jansen, he’s useful for dealing with annoying traps, because reloading a game because your main PC tripped a trap and got petrified is certainly frustrating. Game mechanics though, interfere with this. You as the player character have control over the six-person party and if you want Yoshimo to be there, he’ll be there, and if you don’t, he’ll sit in the Copper Coronet, geas be damned. He’ll stand right there until you go back in after the Underdark chapter, in which case he flops over dead and hardly anyone cares. That’s a system engine limitation certainly, but it’s remarkably clumsy. What is good though, is Yoshimo’s regret during this. He knows he has to betray you and is forced to do so, and he genuinely likes you. The writing that happens is crisp, Yoshimo truly does apologize and Irenicus backs up his dismissive assholery by telling him to shut up. When Yoshimo confronts you in Spellhold, his writing is crisp. “No redemption, and no second chances. My heart to Ilmater.” He fights you and goes down swinging (which was annoying the first time I played because he had the Celestial Fury +3). And you can actually take that heart to Ilmater, occupying a valuable inventory space through the next chapters until you can reach Waukeen’s Promenade again, where you can choose to forgive him or not, but give the heart to Ilmater either way. It would have been saccharine to restore Yoshimo, but this way, I feel, is more powerful in a world with such powerful enchantments to see the effects on the people whose lives it ruins. So the game can be clunky at parts, and Irenicus can be as well, but there’s true craft and joy in it.

Back to Irenicus though, we get the sense of more to him when we see the intro splash screen for the next Chapter. Making a dark bargain with the drow, we see that they have captured surface elves, one of whom immediately refers to Irenicus as Joneleth, suggesting a backstory far deeper as Irenicus immediately resorts to killing the prisoner after being the one to suggest interrogation instead of immediate execution, a lashing out that seems out of character for the clinically-detached evil villain we’ve been coming to know. The backstory is clear in the Forgotten Realms, the dark elves and surface elves are mortal foes and anyone who is known to the surface elves to ally with the dark elves is a great betrayal. As the PC goes through the Underdark and comes out, they are captured by the surface elves. Through a conversation with Eldoth, it can become evident that the surface elves know more than they are letting on, such as when they are the ones who suggest holy water and stakes to fight Bodhi, despite not knowing anything about either one of them. After you slay Bodhi and restore Imoen’s soul to its rightful place, you can call Eldoth out on it. Irenicus is “the Shattered One,” an exile of the elves, and it’s here that Irenicus’s story becomes apparent.

Irenicus was a powerful wizard and lover of Queen Ellesime named Joneleth. Yet in his heart, Joneleth yearned for more power and sought to take the essence of the Tree of Life, the lifeblood of the city of Suldanesselar, for himself and Bodhi. This dark ritual nearly killed many that existed within Suldanesselar, and so Joneleth and Bodhi were punished, stripping their elven nature and immortality away from them, leaving them with a mortal lifespan, thus Joneleth became Jon Irenicus, the Shattered One. Bodhi sought to become a vampire to transgress the mortal years she had, but Jon had felt that it degraded her to that of a high-functioning beast. Irenicus’s scheme was far more grandiose if also possessing an elegant simplicity: he lost an immortal soul and so he needed to take one for himself. The Bhaalspawn was the perfect choice, powerful enough to defeat Sarevok and awaken the power within, weak enough to be captured and have the divine soul snatched away. With his stolen soul freshly acquired, Irenicus now looked to the second part of himself, to revenge himself on the elves. The dark elf invasion ultimately failed, helped out by the PC butchering the leadership of Ust Natha, but Irenicus is still going with golems and summoned demons to destroy the city, usurp the power of the Tree of Life, and complete his long ago schemes.

I... I do not remember your love, Ellesime. I have tried. I have tried to recreate it, to spark it anew in my memory, but it is gone... a hollow, dead thing. For years, I clung to the memory of it. Then the memory of the memory. And then nothing. The Seldarine took that from me, too. I look upon you and feel nothing. I remember nothing but you turning your back on me, along with all the others. Once my thirst for power was everything. And now I hunger only for revenge. And I... WILL... HAVE IT!!

When confronted by Queen Ellesime, she even asks if there was any part of him that remembered the love he had for her, and the PC sees that it’s her that was in his mind for the beautiful bedroom way back in chapter one. It was almost certainly her that Irenicus thought of when he was with his dryad concubines. And when she poses that question, he answers with the above quote, that he feels nothing. While it seems like this is a loss of depth, that he’s just a flat character, I don’t think this is the case. Irenicus had the chance to change, for self-reflection. Instead, he remembers it as all the others turning their back on him, without any recognition that his schemes nearly killed them. It’s the classic abuser mentality, how dare you make me do these things to you. When his victims tried to defend themselves, he lashed out and remembers only their ‘cruelty’ to him. It’s this that makes Irenicus, for all his great arcane might, so small. Where before he was this intimidating figure, now he’s a petty man, and fittingly, it’s here that you can kill him. Temporarily, at least, because there’s still one more dungeon. Irenicus and you are still battling for your divine soul, and after a few self-reflective quests of your own, you duel Irenicus, who dies pitiably, torn to shreds by demons as his power fails him. It fits the heroic and thematic heft of the arc. As you grow in power, Irenicus diminishes in threat. He was your torturer, an inhuman menace, then he became just a man, torn apart by tiny demons that you probably could take down by the truckload.

There’s good things to learn here. Irenicus isn’t a super-unique villain, although some of the villain tropes are personalized for the sake of the Baldur’s Gate story specifics. But he does his job admirably. David Warner’s voice work, and the special effects (pretty good for when the game came out in 2000) really was able to sell Irenicus as an enjoyable villain.

Thanks for the suggestions, Anons who were looking forward to this.

SomethingLikeALawyer, Hand of the King

#baldur's gate ii #jon irenicus #character analysis

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ricksbowen · 5 years ago

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can i request a joshua bassett imagine about you being a cast member on hsmtmts and the whole cast knows josh likes you but you’re oblivious and at the premier frankie and everyone is teasing you about joshua staring at you the whole night

flashing cameras | j.b

IN WHICH: joshua looks at you as if you’re his favorite movie.

INSPIRATION: electric love — borns

“Y/N! Y/N!”

A bright smile appeared on your face as you walked up to the reporter, greeting his with a polite hug as she held the microphone up to you.

“Oh, look at you! You look gorgeous!” the reported gushed, and you felt your face burn red at her compliment. You never did get used to the fame. One minute you were auditioning for a new show, the next you were cast as one of the main characters.

“Thank you, it means a lot,” you responded with a smile that would’ve made anyone’s heart melt.

“You play Isabella Bordeaux in High School Musical: the Musical: the Series, right?” the reporter began, and you nodded in response. “Can you tell us a little bit about her? She’s a new character in the second season, right?”

“Right,” you beamed, trying to keep a cool head as you started talking. “Well, she’s a French exchange student, and she’s a junior,” you explained. “She’s not really the type to join a musical; she’s a cheerleader, but one of the more quiet and honest ones.”

“It must be hard speaking French for the camera. Did you have to take lessons?”

“Well, all I had prior to filming was the French class I was taking in school,” you said with a shy smile, letting out a relieved sigh when the reporter laughed politely.

How could you look so pretty while doing the most simple things? Joshua asked himself that question more times than he’d like to admit, and as his eyes lingered on you and not at the camera, he heard someone bump him in the hip playfully.

“You are terrible at being discreet,” Frankie snickered, his voice low enough for only Joshua to hear. Olivia was beside him, smiling teasingly as his face burned red. It almost hurt them how oblivious you were to Joshua’s fleeting looks and longing eyes. You had always been blind to cues that were even a little bit romantic; it was obvious in the way you’d unknowingly shoot Joshua down in his attempts by giving him a high five.

“What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what he means,” Olivia remarked, smiling towards the camera for just a second before looking back at Joshua. If only the paparazzi knew what they were talking about; they’d eat it up in a second. “I swear, you were drooling before we came here.”

Joshua frowned a bit, fingers consciously reaching for his mouth to check of any drool. The action made Olivia and Frankie laugh, and Joshua knew he was gonna be in for it later. He grinned at the camera, posing with his friends before he heard heels click quickly up to him. He felt his skin turn warm and nerves prick his skin at the familiar sound.

“Sorry! This sweet reporter had so many questions and I answered them all — she seemed nice, y’know?” you ranted, adjusting your dress and moving closer to Joshua and smiling. His heartbeat picked up, blush deepening on his face as he heard Frankie chuckle at Y/N’s words.

“Y/N L/N, you are too precious.”

The after party was wild.

You never did get used to seeing random famous people walk up to you and congratulate you or compliment you on how great you were in the show. Their words rendered you into a sputtering, blushing mess of ‘thank yous’ and ‘I love you and everything you do, thank you so much.’

You practically lost it when you saw Finn Wolfhard there. Why as he there? You didn’t know, but you weren’t complaining.

“I’ve never seen so many famous people in one place,” you muttered to Sofia, who only shook her head.

“Me neither. Oh my God, I don’t even know why they all came,” Olivia was almost as giddy as you, pointing out ( literally ) every celebrity there.

“Pointing’s rude,” Matt commented alongside the rest of you, and you glared at him.

“The only thing keeping you from not freaking out is the open bar.”

“Being 21 comes with its perks,” he retorted with a smile. “At least I’m not Frankie or Larry. Their living their lives at the bar,” Matt pointed his drink to the nearby bar, where Frankie and Larry were talking animatedly to Joshua. Joshua — who was way too sober compared to any of them — was only grinning widely while Frankie made crazy hand gestures. He turned towards the rest of you, eyes widening once they met yours, and he immediately turned away.

You could hear the others laugh at his reaction, Sofia bumping your hip playfully to get you to snap out of whatever trance you were in.

“He’s whipped,” Sofia remarked with a laugh, making your face a deep red at her words.

“For who?” you managed, looking at your cast mates. They were all gaping at you, almost incredulous at your unawareness towards social cues.

“What do you mean for who?”

Joshua looked back at you and the others, eyes lingering on your form as you looked at the others with furrowed brows. A fond smile appeared on his face just at the sight of you, but the spell you put him under broke the moment Frankie clapped him on the back.

“Ow!”

“Do something!” Larry motioned wildly to you, eyes wide for emphasis. “You’ve been drooling over her since she first walked into set!”

“Have not!” Joshua fired back, making Frankie snort.

“Have too!” Frankie laughed out, voice loud against the bass boosted music. “Look; she’s terrible at reading cues. The eyes you’re making towards her?” Frankie tutted, shaking his head in shame. “Not working other than for your very dear cast mates. So,” he motioned to you yet again, and when Joshua turned to look at you, you were already looking at him.

Sofia and Olivia were whispering in your ear, something that Joshua could make out thanks to the music. But you looked unsure, your eyes darting to Matt while he smiled encouragingly. Julia and Dara walked up to them, their eyes widening when Sofia explained everything to them, and they too started telling you things with a wide smile. The curiosity was too much.

“Attaboy!” Larry yelled as Joshua stood up, gently making his way past the crowd. Unknown to him, you were doing the same, the encouraging cheers of your friends behind you fueling your confidence and your nerves.

“Excuse me,” you mumbled, pushing past yet another person and accidentally bumping into Joshua, your eyes wide as you looked at him.

“Hey!” Joshua managed, a nervous smile on his face.

“Hi,” you breathed out, all confidence now thrown into the wind as you swallowed dryly. “You wanna step out for a bit?”

“Yeah! Yeah, sure,” Joshua murmured, voice going quiet as he felt your hand take his. It felt so natural, your fingers intertwining with his as you led him out of the crowd.

The fenced back kept all the paparazzi away, and you led him outside to the cold LA air. You loved California when it was nighttime; the weather was perfect and the rare instance of stars was breathtaking.

Your hand was still holding his as you walked out. The music became muffled by the sliding glass doors, and you led him to a swinging bench. You looked up at the few stars that hung over head, the waning moon accompanying them in the sky. You let out a small exhale, a breathy, “wow,” leaving your lips.

“It’s pretty, huh?” you murmured to Joshua, your eyes set on the glowing moon. The moonlight hit your face perfectly, making you look like an angel on earth.

Joshua hummed, eyes on you as he nodded his head. “It’s beautiful.”

You looked at him, face blooming red when you saw him looking at you. He was talking about you. “Nice one,” you forced out behind the want to cheer and thank the world.

Nice one? Was that all you could manage?

“Sorry. I meant thanks. I dunno.” You gazed down at your heels, silently cursing yourself for your own words.

A chuckle rumbled deep in his chest at your reaction, his own face red. “You know,” Joshua managed through his nerves, “I thought you were gorgeous when you walked into set.”

You didn’t look at him, but your eyes widened.

“Yeah. That’s kinda why I tripped when I walked over to introduce myself. It’s also why I kinda avoided you for a few days because I couldn’t believe I tripped.” Joshua sighed, his confession coming out like a ramble that he couldn’t stop.

“I guess you could say I fell for you,” he joked, and that was what made you look up at him with a grin.

“You really had to make a pun out of it?” you asked with a laugh, the sound alone making his heart skip a beat.

“I had to get you to look at me somehow. And you know you love my jokes,” Joshua remarked, making you scoff and roll your eyes with a beaming smile.

You put your head on his shoulder, the action making him grin like a lovestruck fool. “You’re lucky I like you, Bassett,” you said softly, thumb swiping lightly over his hand. “For me, I think it was when I caught you stealing leftovers at 3 AM while I was trying to do the same.”

You heard him laugh at your words, and you peered up at him. Joshua looked back down at you, the blushes on your cheeks matching. The moment almost seemed too perfect, as if it had fallen out of an oddly detailed WattPad book and into your lives. You weren’t complaining.

You leaned up, and he leaned down. Your lips met in a soft kiss, and you swore you could hear your friends cheer.

—

TAGS: @tomshufflepuff, @myrandom-fandomlife, @softpeteparker, @sarcarstic-space-weirdo, @allaroundaddict, @cherrydolan

#joshua bassett imagine #joshua bassett hcs #joshua bassett angst #joshua bassett imagines #joshua bassett x reader #joshua bassett #ricky bowen imagine #ricky bowen imagines #matt cornett #sofia wylie #larry saperstein #frankie rodriguez #olivia rodrigo #julia lester #dara renee #requests !

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legionofpotatoes · 4 years ago

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alright here’s ma thoughts on that flick I mentioned

we hatewatched a*my of the dead because we were CONVINCED “zombies in las vegas” would be an impossible concept to screw up, but in so assuming we obviously invoked a holy wager with the universe and got reminded, once again, that hoping for improvement from someone who’s dependably put out bad art is never a wise choice 😐

but we were honestly kinda roped in by the marketing??? and expected a goofy fast-paced flick with the odd traditional undead metaphor thrown in, framing some sort of relationship drama maybe or hell even nothing at all! we’d have taken pure indulgent storytelling, idk italian job with zombies in las vegas, I don’t know fucking anything but??? whatever this was???? spoilers below for it is time for One Of My Rants

I mean the main reason I really want to write all this and complain. this film here probably has the most unappealing cinematography I have ever experienced in my life and that is saying something. who the fuck signed off on that CONSTANT shallow-ass depth of field that imprisons your eyeline and turns every shot into bokeh paste???? and I mean every shot almost!!!! I promise if you think I am overreacting just throw a dart at the seek bar and watch twenty seconds from wherever it lands. it is horrifying to look at. at least it gave my girlfriend a good visual shorthand for what it’s like when I lose my glasses

why was sean spicer in this movie. did they pay him to be here. was sean spicer paid hollywood money for his scene in this film because fuck everyone who was involved in that decision

the legitimately baffling hints at the extraterrestrial origins of the infection that went absolutely nowhere and had no dramatic or plot-level bearing. we love to see the franchise sprouts fellas

yet another big budget waste of everything hiroyuki sanada has to offer. and bautista too I guess? I like him but man was this an odd career move

what was the crux of his conflict/resolution with his daughter btw. I understand it was rooted in miscommunication over their forms of grief irt mom but uhh… it was all rather clunky and didn’t land for me. I tried I really tried to buy in but something was wrong fundamentally with the groundwork there, it did not click and their catharsis felt unearned. I know there’s massive amounts of tragic baggage being projected there from the author so I’m not slapping any judgment down really;

but again it would be an easy thing to wave off if they just had a vibrant cast of lovable simpletons with good chemistry and the kinetic sense of plotting the trailers promised (and this premise never discounts good drama, either). but instead it was just two and a half (!) hours of meandering into situations the filmmaking instincts had no idea how to flow in and out of

to wit. I know talking about “bad pacing” is associated with armchair bullshit but consider the example of the scene were dieter does an out of nowhere little dance after childishly screaming but then still-killing a zombie, with the film framing this as a micro character triumph, and not a second later the bg soundtrack instantly fades into an orchestral score dramatizing a nearby mcguffin reveal, completely 180 degreeing the tone without a semblance of deft insert shot stitching or even I dont know a fucking jump cut maybe. now imagine this whiplash for 2.5 hrs uninterrupted

I will keep complaining about the length yeah because this was not a story requiring this much real estate to be told. Uhh in my humble and personal opinion, of course

[man sees zombie tiger] “this is crossing the line!” you can in fact write dialogue that is not utter nonsense that falls apart once you drill down its single fickle layer of referential meta winking. what line are you talking about. you have rules in this insane situation you’re in? total nitpick moment I know but it got burned in my brain for some reason. like a microcosm of the mismanaged dramatic instincts paired with weird writing that dots this movie. I am sure the director calls this either satire or genre deconstruction. I am SO sure

tumblr domino meme that goes from “dude getting sucked off while driving” to “entire las vegas literally nuked”

tig notaro is always great to see but once you know she’s been filmed as a separate greenscreen plate months after photography wrapped - cause she had to apparently replace some abusive asshole but that’s a whole other pig not worth fucking - it becomes impossible to unsee her odd detachment from everyone else in the movie lmao. it doesn’t really “ruin” anything on its lonesome but it is hard to unsee

why. was. sean. spicer. in. this. movie

a very simple key ingredient missing from fully turning lip service sympathy for main uruk hai dude into actual empathy that would generate meaningful conflict with hero family would be to spend a bit more time articulating what he internally wanted the most. because he was obviously trying to do something here with pointed agenda. a family, to have kids, build a caste system, save his wife’s head, return to his planet??? all of these could represent the bigger context in his psychology that spurred his vengeance but none of them are dramatically emphasized long enough for you to cheer him on. I’m not asking too much I promise. Articulating interiority of a mute character is pretty doable with deft cinema language, just gotta linger and hold a shot here and there for a few seconds, frame as his POV, donezo. I know this is also one of those like. “who cares” moments but the movie does, very evidently so, in making this guy an actual character. you can kinda piece it together and create a framework of sympathy for him, sure, but then again he ultimately becomes a foil to be killed and not defeated, so. Ehh whatever

quarantine zone stuff was not a wildly childish covid allegory quarantine zone stuff was not a wildly childish covid allegory quarantine zone stuff was n

the rooftop helicopter fakout at the end was such an ass-backwards, manufactured moment of what could be a simple setup/payoff it just pissed me off??? you gain nothing by giving sad dad five seconds of pointless crisis that flips right back to previous status quo ANYWAY, except for a weaksauce waste of runtime, which could be used instead to get inside notaro’s head and actually SHOW the remorse form as she took off, literally maybe even a frown playing on her face as she’s headed for safety right before we cut back to drax and the kid. just a simple-ass, minimal, momentary setup for what is the most basic filmmaking trick of creating macro catharsis moments. Just???? g o d if you can’t even land that shit why are you even doing any of this

that lil run final pam did was very very charming and super choreographed in a way that was the tiiiniest bit overdone

the whole intro with the simul-backstories and posing with family photos was just… oddly motivated. what was the goal? “here’s what we’re fighting for” vignettes? why? it’s not a functional setup in that vein. what was all that

also I am sorry if this is insensitive but the reasons most characters end up articulating to justify going back into the hell that destroyed their lives makes them sound seriously insane

I dont like complaining about CGI (honestly) but so much of it in modern movies can achieve higher fidelity if the animation is simply subdued. Do not overengineer and over-apply 2D cell methodologies and kinematics to each tiny twitch and movement in a hyper 3D model and I promise you. it will look a thousand times more natural. look at thanos in those last two movies. your rendering and detail are absolutely perfect with the tiger you just have to let stuff sit instead of constantly simulating swaying hair strands and firing off all facial muscles at once. great moment at one point where makeup zombie horse and CG zombie tiger are both in one shot together and just by unnecessary amounts of movement alone you can tell who doesn’t belong. again; detail, rendering, compositing, lighting, all picture-perfect; but y’all just gotta let the animation breathe sometimes, and chill it out

plot holes don’t really matter to me but it was kinda funny how lilly decided not to mention the enormous wrinkle in intel pertaining to an actual territorial tribe of intelligent zombies that require human offerings to let you pass, just so that reveal could play out in real time through the joyous punishment of the cartoonishly misogynistic dude

total chad move for mister uruk hai and final pam to rule from a rusted swimming pool complex

the ending with vanderohe oh my god. with the. cash stacks at the airport register. and specifically them working in his favor. that is literally something you do to get arrested under suspicion of theft. it was almost played for laughs and I respect that. coulda been goofier. make these movies goofy ya dorks

anyway, weird, weird movie. bad marketing. message unclear (something something sins of the father???), baffling editing instincts, literal worst-looking cinematography I ever laid eyes upon. Confidently dying on that last hill

#text #long post #aotd spoilers #aotd critical

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thedumbguywithaheart43 · 4 years ago

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BoomLords weird adventure

Chapter 5 reluctant companions

Rairty spoke up."excuse me darling what is the crazy stallion saying?"Twilight was spaced out for a moment trying to process what she had just done. Apon realizing Rairty was speaking she snapped back to reality."what oh Rairty. Sorry uh he was talking about me helping him to uh shit"She blinked, wincing as she couldn't get the thought of what she had just done out of her head. She didn't intend to create Rose fire in fact in that moment she had wanted to kill him to render the flesh from his bone, it was as if another creature had entered her head for a moment and fueled her rage."I think I have to go with him."before she could explain why."WHAT ARE YOU TAKING ABOUT HE JUST MESSED WITH YOU AND THE PRINCESSES HEADS!"rainbow yelled."I merely showed them what they wanted to know however to be honest I didn't expect this to happen. I had been looking for the rose fire in every world every terrifying, every cruel, and every unforgiving place in the Omniverse. But it turns out all I had to do was accidentally induced fear and rage into a horse."the pony stared at him for a moment."He's telling the truth and now that we know what's at stake we have no choice but to help."Celestia stated her tone was dark however as if she was doing something she wasn't so sure she wanted to."h-how long until it happens?"Boom and Celestia stared at each other for a moment. It was clear Boom really didn't want to answer this."could be days could be another year time works differently for me but if I had to give a rough estimate maybe a year or two or less."Celestia took a gulp of air as she looked to her fellow ponies. She looked as if she was holding back tears."my little ponies I ask no I beg you all to go with him this is no longer a matter in my control and I cannot force you to partake in this. What he is asking is dangerous beyond anything any of you have ever faced and while he may only require Twilight I would never send my student alone into what I was shown."this time no one spoke not even dash because when princess Celestia tells you shits about to go down it's going to go fuckin down. And in unison without hesitation without regret without fear all the ponies and Spike responded"were in!"boom looked at the group of ponies a look of discontent on his face."fuckin great I'm babysitting a whole party."most of the ponies ignored what he said with the exception of rainbow dash and Applejack."hey no one asked you"dash got in his face while AJ got close next to her."yeah that's right and don't think we're going to take our eyes off you for a minute partner. Not after what you just pulled.

2 spike walked over to the stallion cautiously"so how are we leaving? I mean you said we had to leave."well you see that's why I'm going to need my notepad and Pen also my satchel if you don't mind."a look of confusion re-entered the faces of everyone."oooo are you gonna draw us amagical portal to another dimension?"pinky blurted out as a few of the others started to chuckle."actually that's a pretty accurate assessment of what I'm about to do, in fact spot on."Twilights jaw nearly dropped as BoomLord began scribbling on the paper. Boomlord had drawn a nearly perfect circle on a piece of the notepads paper and in the center of it wrote the words, °home space°as he took the pen off the paper another electric golden ring started to form, the area within beginning to blacken about 10 ft away."okay everybody we're about to leave but don't worry I can send us back to this exact point in time give or take a few minutes so while we may be gone for who knows how long to the princesses it will only be a couple minutes."Boom that hope this comment would calm them however they're confusion only broaden. 'God how are they going to react when they all change'

3 boom was the first to enter the portal then Twilight followed by Pinky, rainbow,Applejack, rarity Fluttershy, and lastly young Spike. Boomlord looked down at himself. He was human again his blue jeans and thick yellow hoodie once again with him. Pulling back the sleeve he saw that the green fur that once covered his body was gone replaced with his light taned skin. Okay I hope everybody's ready for some exposition and descriptions. Boomlord looked back at the ponies first up was Twilight she had grown into a human form unsurprisingly. Her mane or I guess her hair had stayed the same she had fairly pale white skin and a few smalls freckles adorning her face she was also fairly short compared to Boom. Boom knew his height was about 5'7 give or take so Twilight had to be about 5'4 or 5'3 she wore a purple t-shirt and a darker purple skirt with pants to go with it all put together with very nice sneakers which all the girls have with the exception of rarity and Applejack. Pinky on the overhand was definitely much taller than Twilight in fact she was about the same height as boom. She wore a striped blue and pink shirt with a polka dot skirt and light pink leggings she had average white skin no major tan or anything although she did have pink nail polish on. Dash was next she still had her rainbow hair but she was on the shorter end with Twilight only being a inch or so taller along with fairly tanned skin as if she's been spending her days at the beach. She wore a plain blue sleeveless top and jean shorts her wings were also noticeably missing the same with Fluttershy. Speaking of Fluttershy her outfit was rather green she wore a green t-shirt with a yellow peace symbol on it and long jeans. Additionally in her hair she had is a flower crown witch she probably took off, besides that her skin was also fairly tanned. Applejack definitely took the show with her outfit she was wearing thick brown leather gloves and a brown leather vest with tassels on it. Underneath the vest was a plain white shirt covered in bits of brown dirt, and long stylish cowboy print jeans and good old-fashioned cowgirl boots. Applejack skin was also the most tanned being she was definitely the one who spent the most time outdoors. Also she and rainbow dash were the only ones with noticeable er muscle growth as even through their outfits they still kept their physical physique. Applejack and Fluttershy we're definitely the tallest of the group with Fluttershy being 5'8 and Applejack being at least 6'2.Lastly of the girls we have rarity wearing a clean white shirt with stylish blue diamond print in it, and a rather long dress to accompany it. Along her neck was a rather lovely diamond necklace and alot Lower down beautiful high heels. She also had the darkness pigment of her skin when compared to everyone else. Also sorry if that's not politically correct I'm not entirely sure what the correct term is now. Do feel free to let me know. As soon as the girls walk through the portal though most of them with the exception of Twilight who seemed almost familiar with the sensation of walking on two legs fell to the ground."oh no whats happing?"Pinky yelled and she started crawling on all fours along with Fluttershy. Dash and Applejack were occupied with balancing themselves on a desk next to them and rarity had somehow crawled her way to a sofa and dramatically pose."oh darling what has happened to us?"boomlord rolled his eyes as he knew he was going to have to teach them how to be human it also occurred to him where the hell was spike.

4 Then he saw it or well him. Unlike his fellow ponies Spike didn't turn into a human and no he did not turn into a dog. This isn't Equestria girls guys turning into a dog is really dumb and I already have one in the story. Spike's body had remained reptilian however he's noticeably taller now at least about Twilights size inner current form his body seemed to get longer and his claws along with it. His face has narrowed Abit becoming far more similar to his dragon freinds with the exception that he had a much longer neck which allowed him to survey his own body. Put it simply he looks more like what a small dragon would look like in our world if they existed."woah I look really cool!"spike yelled in excitement."ponies don't talk where I'm from so the portal has adjusted your body's to something a bit more familiar to me that I have set and in Spike's case I already had something in mind for dragons." Ponies now began to look around their surroundings. They notice they seemed to be in a rather decent sized living room a few desks a television ,yellow rug, a few lamps. The room seemed mostly normal only the walls and floor and ceiling all looked the same. It looks like the inside of a treehouse and where there was a window there was no... Well anything just an empty void."welcome to my home away from home a little place I made outside of the Omniverse and what I like to call free space, basically this entire place is an extension of a thought everything here with the exception of a few items were made from nothing. No magic and no magical effects can be taken here with the exception of the notepad so sorry girls but your wings and horns are temporarily unavailable don't worry when we go to other worlds you should be able to use them."Twilight rapidly blinked as she didn't expect well boom to look rather nice. He still had rather unkempt hair and the rings under the eyes but here the black in his eyes were gone however his irises remained red and gold. He had a warm smile or a warm fake smile and while definitely wasn't the biggest guy around he still had a rather fit physique. And the rarity was the first to comment on that"oh boom darling you look um..... Better than I would have thought."boom roll his eyes."well im far more comfortable like this."the girls who were having trouble standing took a few minutes to themselves to start copying the motions of Twilight who began pacing."uh hey are we safe here."like asked while moving around the girls who were rather surprised to see him as they did not expect such a change."spike looking badass today."rainbow dash teased.spike blushed slight as Boomlord spoke."well girls work going to have to set some ground rules since it looks like you'll be staying with me for a while."

(Oh one more thing because I know you're all wondering or at least some of you are wondering.

Breasts size from largest to smallest :Applejack dd followed by pinkie and Fluttershy then Rairty.twlight has the average size and rainbow dash is flat but that doesn't make her any less of a woman)

(not sure why I felt the need to put that there but I feel like some people just had to know)

#fanfic #mlp #writing #comedy #slightly saucy

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zaph1337 · 4 years ago

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Monster Hunter Rating 30: Fatalis, the Dark Demise

The world of Monster Hunter is a dangerous one. Monsters with powers unlike any animal we know run rampant, and some of them are so powerful as to be compared to natural disasters, or maybe even gods. These “Elder Dragons” are viewed as forces of nature given body and mind, and wherever they are, they’re almost always at the top of the food chain. But it begs the question: what is the strongest Elder Dragon of them all?

Some would say that Lao-Shan Lung, the Old Mountain Dragon, holds that honor. After all, it will destroy entire mountains if they stand in its path, and every hunt with one is a race against time to prevent the monster from reaching and destroying the fortresses that separate it from the settlements it would crush beneath its feet as it wanders. But why does Lao-Shan Lung wander? Why does it never go around the obstacles in its way? Why will it never fight back against the hunters that pose a serious threat of killing it? The answer is one that no one wants to accept: Lao-Shan Lung, what may be the living incarnation of an avalanche or some other seismic force, is not wandering. It’s running for its life. Elder Dragons may be the embodiments of natural phenomena, and though we may not like it, death is just as natural as landslides and lightning. We’ve come a long way, but it’s finally time to talk about the final boss of the first Monster Hunter game: the Black Dragon, Fatalis!

(How it appears in Monster Hunter 1)

(How it appears in Monster Hunter World: Iceborne)

Appearance: If the wiki had a third render of Fatalis that I liked, I would’ve put it up there. Anyways, Fatalis looks just like an archetypal European dragon; four legs, two wings, horned head, and a long tail. It looks pretty generic, but there are a few things that help it stand out. First off, it’s huge, being 4110.6 cm (134.9 ft) long in every main series game it appears in except for MHW:I, where it’s 4137.17 cm (135.7 ft) long. That’s 30+ ft more than Diablos or Gravios, and if you wanna see how big Fatalis is compared to a person, well...here’s an image from MHW:I:

Yyyeeah, it’s big. Something else that’s interesting is the fact that Fatalis has eyes which are literally made of crystal, which is why they look shiny in the above image. They still look a lot like traditional dragon eyes, though. In fact, basically all of its design elements are things that you’d expect to find on European dragons, which makes Fatalis look rather generic. You’d think that even in the first game, the devs would be more creative with their final boss considering the other dragons in the game, but that’s just it: Fatalis stands out when compared to a lot of the other dragons in Monster Hunter because it looks just like a European dragon and not much more. This makes it feel like it’s not just a dragon, it’s the dragon. When you hear stories of dragons wreaking mass destruction, you’ll likely imagine something that looks just like Fatalis, and I believe that that’s exactly what the developers of MH intended when they made it. It’s kinda genius, in that way, and combined with the overwhelming presence Fatalis has thanks to its size, I feel like I have to give it an 8/10.

Behavior/Lore: Since I like to cover the lore of a monster in this category anyways, I thought I might as well change its name to reflect that. Anyways, people don’t know a lot about Fatalis, such as how many there are, where there ideal habitat is, their mating rituals, stuff like that. The reason why we don’t know a lot about Fatalis is that it kills literally everything it sees, which tells us a lot on its own. Fatalis doesn’t always eat what it kills; it just kills for the sake of it, and since literally everything that breathes seems to be on its sh*t list, this has led to the conclusion that Fatalis hates all livings things on the grounds that they exist.

As I alluded to in the introduction, the natural phenomenon that Fatalis likely embodies is death itself. All other monsters are terrified of it, and, as seen with Lao-Shan Lung, will go to great lengths to stay as far from it as possible. How strong do you have to be to make a monster that bulldozes mountains run for mommy? Well, let me put it this way: Fatalis obliterated Schrade Kingdom in a single night, and now uses the ruins of the castle as its den; the very sky above the kingdom’s remains is a perpetual bloody red, with a miasma of purple clouds that hover over the fallen settlement. And that’s just what we know is true; according to legend, Fatalis could scorch all the world’s lands in a matter of days, causing the end of life itself. Obviously, this can’t be proven, nor do I know if they’re talking about one Fatalis or all of them (however many there are), but when legends like that are circulating, it’s a wonder that people aren’t living in constant fear that this thing will decide to visit their settlement one day and kill everyone. Well, not so much a wonder as it is a conspiracy; the Hunter’s Guild, fearing that the fear of Fatalis’ capabilities could lead to an outbreak of panic and anarchy, has done its best to relegate Fatalis and all stories related to it to the realm of fantasy. Only hunters who the Guild believes are skilled enough to possibly repel or kill Fatalis are allowed to know that it exists, and even then, when the Guild sends them on secret missions to fight it, they almost never come back.

Though Fatalis leaves few witnesses to its attacks, there are some who provide valuable information about the dragon’s habits. After Fatalis kills a hunter, it melts said hunter and their equipment down, then applies the remains to its body to armor its hide, making it even harder to kill. Now, some say that this is an instinctual behavior, like how the monster Nerscylla wears the hides of its prey for the same purpose, but Fatalis is only known to do this to humans, which wouldn’t make sense because killing monsters would give it more material to cover itself in. This has led some to believe that Fatalis knows that hunters make armor from the remains of the monsters they kill, so it makes armor out of them to mock them in death. If this is true, then not only is Fatalis smart enough to have a concept of irony, it harbors a special kind of hatred for humans in particular, and it presumably enjoys killing them. These things make Fatalis even more terrifying and dangerous than previously thought, and put its attack on Schrade Kingdom and its occupancy of Schrade Castle in a new light.

Speaking of equipment, the few times anyone has actually killed a Fatalis and made weapons and armor from its parts, they’ve almost always regretted it. Those that wear Fatalis armor have been victims of disturbing phenomena; horrible nightmares and periods of unnatural, unwanted strength are a common occurrence, and some have reported feeling as though something is possessing them and forcing their legs to move against their will. In extreme cases, hunters who have been knocked unconscious while wearing the armor report feeling that something was controlling their bodies before they awoke. But those people are the lucky ones; hunters who wear Fatalis armor for extensive periods of time often disappear without a trace, or even die for no apparent reason.

Not even the weapons are safe. Some cause the wielders to hear phantom screams, others induce feelings of gnawing despair or paranoia, and some are even said to corrupt the wielder’s soul, turning them into a force of bloodshed and chaos as Fatalis was...or is. In Monster Hunter Generations, a cave in Pokke Village contains a giant version of a Black Blade, a Great Sword made of Fatalis parts, which can be mined for Fatalis materials. It’s been noted that the damage done to the blade by mining it will regenerate in a matter of days; when you combine that with the symptoms of using Fatalis equipment, it gives credence to the possibility that Fatalis lives on through said equipment, controlling the bodies and minds of those that slew its corporeal form. Whether this is true or not is irrelevant; the fact remains that Fatalis equipment has a deleterious effect on those that use it, and as such, it’s recommended that none should attempt to utilize anything made from Fatalis’ remains at all.

If you thought that Fatalis as a life-form was fundamentally wrong before, then I have one last bit of absurdity for you: the one time anyone ever found a Fatalis egg, the newborn that hatched from it grew to its adult form in literal hours, and presumably hated everything that breathes from birth. Other than that, we don’t know anything about its life cycle or parental habits, and the wiki doesn’t say what happened after the baby reached maturity, but we can reasonably assume that it was a bloody event.

I’ve never been more enthralled by a monster’s lore than I have been reading about Fatalis. The developers really went out of their way to impress upon players just how unnatural and evil Fatalis is, and the result is the monster to end all monsters. I think my favorite parts are the fact that the Guild covers up Fatalis’ existence to prevent society from collapsing and how even its equipment is too dangerous to be around. And even with this, there’s still so much we don’t know about Fatalis, which makes it even more intriguing. With how much I’ve been thinking about all this the past few days, I feel like I have to give this category a 10/10.

Abilities: Obviously, Fatalis is one of the strongest monsters in the series. Its body is very durable due to its habit of melting down hunters to use as armor, and even the membranes of its wings are has hard as metal. It can both fly and charge at high speeds, with the latter doing massive damage thanks to Fatalis’ raw strength. However, its most famous ability--and its deadliest--is its fire breath, which is equal in power to some other Elder Dragons. The streams of fire that escape from Fatalis’ maw are even bigger than the dragon itself, and can be so powerful that they one-shot hunters caught in them. Fatalis can also spread a cloud of reactive powder around it; igniting this powder causes a devastating explosion.

Now, conceptually, these attributes and attacks aren’t too crazy, but there’s one more thing I want to mention: In Monster Hunter 1, you fight Fatalis in 4 quests (assuming that the wiki’s quest list for the game has all of them), and in all of those quests, the goal is “damage Fatalis as much as you can to drive him away,” not “slay Fatalis.” This means that Fatalis is so much more powerful than anything else in the game, the Guild does not believe you are capable of killing it. Despite all of your accomplishments up to that point, the Guild still doesn’t think you have what it takes to kill the darn thing. Now, considering the goal doesn’t say “slay or repel” or anything like that, I was under the impression that you couldn’t kill Fatalis in the first Monster Hunter, but a video on the wiki shows that you can, so I guess the devs phrased it that way to make you feel even cooler for achieving what even the game thought was impossible. It’s a nice touch. Anyways, Fatalis’ abilities may not sound like anything special for a dragon, but the sheer power behind its attacks, as well as how much work you have to put in to damage it in any meaningful way, gets it an 8/10.

Equipment: Since most, if not all of Fatalis’ equipment is inherently evil, I’ll mention if the descriptions say exactly what they do to the user. Let’s start ourselves off with a Hunting Horn called the Black Lute:

According to its description in MHFU, “[a]nyone who hears this Horn feels faint.” Kinda counterproductive, considering the Hunting Horn’s whole gimmick is that it buffs you and your allies with magical songs. Its upgraded form, the Fatalis Menace, isn’t much better, as “its song causes listeners to turn into disheartened beasts.” So already we see the dangers involved in using this weapon, but the description is lore that doesn’t impact gameplay, so strum to your heart’s content! As for how the Lute looks, I like the use of Fatalis horns as the majority of the main body, and the little red gem is a nice touch. Next up, something a little less evil, actually! The Dual Blades called Double Dragon require both Fatalis and Lao-Shan Lung parts, which I guess makes them okay to use?

I say that these aren’t evil because their description just says “[t]he Dragon element infused in these Dual Blades hits enemies from both sides.” Though, you do have to make them by upgrading the Fatalis Sword and Shield called the Black Sword, and according to its description, “[t]he void it creates envelopes all in its path[,]” which makes me think that these are probably still unsafe to use. Though I do like how the blades are different shapes and sizes to match up with the dragons they came from. But you know me, if a monster has a weird or goofy weapon, I gotta show it off, and Fatalis isn’t exempt from this. So here’s the Light Bowgun called the Black Parasol:

I was gonna make a JFK joke, ‘cause one of the theories surrounding his assassination was that someone used a gun disguised as an umbrella to shoot him from the side, but I don’t think I can make a joke like that without being tasteless, especially since this weapon apparently has “an assassin's thirst for death.” But here’s some tasty lore for you: the Black Parasol’s upgrade in the Japan-only MH4U, the Dark Parasol, was “designed behind the scenes by the Guild for assassination purposes.” This may be a translation of the Japanese description, so “assassination” might just mean “kill,” but it makes you think about how weird it is to call hunting a monster an assassination; there’s a chance that the Black Parasol was made by the Guild specifically to kill people, and that just raises more questions. As for the Parasol’s design, it’s so out of left field that I can’t help but find it amusing. The doily-like trim combined with the swirly handle makes it impossible to take seriously, which was probably the point.

Now, here’s where things get a bit messy; the wiki doesn’t have very many pictures of Fatalis armor. The ones it does have are small, not the standard Fatalis armor, or don’t have an image of the male armor to go with them. So, I have to resort to using the small images of the “S” armor from MHFU. I’ve made them bigger to avoid straining anyone’s eyes, but they’re all blurry now, so I apologize if I miss any details you think are important. Here’s the Blademaster armor:

Oh, my God, they gave the women’s set a helmet! Aaaannd it’s for the armor set with low-quali renders online. Yaaaay. Okay, that aside, this does look awesome. It definitely looks like armor that would make you evil if you wore it, and the curved horns on the helmet really add to that theme, as do the spikes on the arms and legs. As for the Gunner armor:

It looks really cool, too! Seems that the wings are attached to the arms in lieu of arm guards, like the ones you see on other Gunner sets. The horns on this set are pointed up this time, presumably for reasons related to peripheral vision or something like that, which is helpful for someone using a gun. The boots on the armor look like dragon feet, and combined with the wings and other design aspects, makes this armor feel like the one that’s most likely going to let Fatalis’ soul overtake you.

Overall, the equipment does what it was made to do: look powerful, yet evil at the same time. It seems like something that fanfic authors would make use of for their worldbuilding--something like how the greatest hunter in the land went missing after killing Fatalis and making equipment from it, only for horror stories of a black knight wielding cursed armaments wiping small settlements off the map and slaughtering travelers. This is the first time that equipment lore factors into the scoring for this category, and I might have to look at the descriptions of the equipment I choose in future reviews to see if that affects my opinion on it any. For now, Fatalis’ equipment gets an 8/10.

Final Thoughts and Tally: The creators of Monster Hunter wanted to make an unforgettable final boss, and they succeeded. The concept of a truly evil, apocalyptic monster in a world where most monsters are basically animals adds to its intimidation factor, and I can only imagine how kids felt when they saw Schrade Castle and the skies above it for the first time. It honestly makes me sad that I never had the original Monster Hunter as a kid, ‘cause the impression Fatalis and the fight with it would have had on me would likely have stuck with me to this day. One thing’s for sure, though: if I ever get a Monster Hunter game besides Rise, it’ll probably be Monster Hunter World and its Iceborne expansion, ‘cause aside from the Coral Islands, fighting Fatalis in a modern game would be exhilarating. 8/10.

#monster hunter #monster hunter rating #zaph1337

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icedteaandoldlace · 4 years ago

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So there’s this “101 Reasons to Ship Snowbarry” video that keeps coming up on my YouTube suggestions. Idgaf about Snowbarry, and I’ve already hit the “not interested” button on similar videos before, but since I can’t seem to get away from video suggestions like this, I’m just gonna watch it and liveblog it, and bet that for every entry on the list, I can come up with a corresponding rebuttal for why Barrisco would make an even better couple. (I’m not gonna comment this ON the video ofc, this is just for my own amusement.)

Click the link above if you want to see the stuff I’ll be responding to, but be forewarned, that video is like, way long, so naturally it follows that this post is gonna be, too.

Additional note: If you are a Snowbarry shipper who has stumbled across this post somehow, now would be the time to stop reading, and also to add the “anti Snowbarry” tag to your filters if you wish to avoid running into posts like this in the future, ‘cause I ain’t interested in engaging in shipping wars.

Anyways, let’s go:

1. "How they met." Cisco woke Barry out of a coma by playing/singing a song about bisexuality, 'nuff said. (Also, part of the purpose of that scene was to introduce Caitlin as the serious, “down to business” one, and Cisco as the warmer, more easygoing one who’s trying to make Barry feel more comfortable.)

2. "They're both scientists." What is Cisco, an Instagram influencer?

3. If Caitlin being Barry’s personal doctor gets her romantic points, then the same should go for Cisco being his personal tailor. Actually, he should get more points, because there’s no moratorium on romantic relationships between tailors and their clients.

4. The way Barry and Cisco gaze into each other's eyes for non-medical purposes. This is too easy.

5. Uh. Cisco being the voice in Barry's ear while he's running, and often the first person he calls out to for help solving a problem.

6. They frequently take hold of each other's hands and shoulders.

7. Cisco comforts Barry while Caitlin tends to his wounds.

8 through 12 is literally just stuff about Caitlin being a doctor, and I don't find this stuff relevant enough to rebut because there's nothing inherently romantic about any of it.

13. "They both have fun together." Yes, Cisco also, the fun having, it happens, lots. Even more, actually.

14. Not really sure what to say for this one. Barry and Cisco noticing when each other is sad and then checking on each other (at Cecile’s baby shower and Barry’s bachelor party, respectively, and also on other occasions), comes to mind. That doesn’t have to do with noticing each other’s lips, per se, but I’ve never thought of either of these SB scenes as moments where Barry was staring at Caitlin’s lips, just as moments where he’s noticing her expression/overall mood, which is something he does with Cisco (and vice versa), too.

15. They all have nerdy hobbies, dude, they're nerds.

16. This one for SB is "she makes Barry drunk on purpose", which, y'know, she did because he wanted to be able to get buzzed, which Cisco has succeeded in helping him do, too (and the drink he made was more effective and longer lasting), but the way this is phrased is kind of suggestive, like Caitlin was doing it to lower his inhibitions (which she totally wasn’t), and uuuuhhhh, don't romanticize that maybe???

17. Cisco put all that tech into Barry's suit, including delivery menus from his favorite restaurants + wrote him an instruction manual, and sped up all his favorite shows so he could catch up on what he missed while he was in the speed force.

18. Barry makes Cisco's (and everyone's) hair fly everywhere when he speeds out of a room, too. Like, this is just basic physics, fam, wyd?

19. Barry also uses his powers to help Cisco. And...literally everyone who needs his help, this is basic superhero stuff, wyd?

20. He is impressed with Cisco, frequently.

21. Just having nicknames? He calls him "bud", "dude", etc., and one time he called him "Cis". (Bonus: Iris and Cisco have called Caitlin "Cait", too, so it’s not just a Ronnie and Barry thing.)

22. Cisco can make anything to help Barry. They're literally top-notch genius scientists, I don't even

23. Obviously they think each other makes great company, they're best friends. All of them.

24. They comfort each other. Again, best friends + Team Flash pep talks are a major staple of the show.

25. He needs Cisco, too.

26. They...they care about...my god, it's like you people have never heard of FRIENDS.

27. Honestly, how many times have we heard Barry tell Cisco he believes in him, or heard Cisco gush about what a great hero Barry is?

28. Helping each other conquer their fears. Yep, that's another one that applies to like, everyone on this show.

29. "They both have experienced loss" IT'S A SUPERHERO SHOW! Also, that's just life. Name one main character on this show who hasn't experienced loss. Nash and Wally have both experienced loss, and I have yet to see anyone ship them.

30. "They both can sing really well." Okay now. This one is true for Barry and Cisco, but uh...Caitlin is literally tone deaf. I'm not being mean, Danielle Panabaker knows good and well that she can't sing, and she has talked about Carlos side-eyeing her when she gets going because she's not good at it. THAT'S OKAY! There's nothing wrong with not being able to sing, but--WHY would you claim that she's good at something that she clearly is not? She wasn't on pitch for a single line of Summer Nights, and she straight up changes keys mid-line in the mockingbird song in that other clip, and just...what even is this entry?!

31. Watching over each other, yeah, another basic staple of being friends and superheroes.

32. "He is always standing behind Caitlin" AND LOOK WHO'S STANDING BESIDE HIM!

33. Remember that time fake Jay "died" and Cisco stayed with Caitlin until she fell asleep? Remember when Dante died and Caitlin slept on Cisco's couch to keep him company? Remember all those times Barry or Cisco were rendered unconscious, and the other stayed by their bedside until they woke up?

34. Basically just a continuation of 33. See above.

35. "Maybe 'okay' will be our 'always'." Hmm, what WOULD Barry and Cisco's "always/okay" be? Probably just calling out each other's names tbh, they do that a lot. Or perhaps, "For real?"

36. Is2g. Being only one call or text away is, again, a staple of the show, considering everyone in it is a close-knit found family and knows there's a very good chance that that call or text might be saying, "I'm in mortal danger, please come save my life at once."

37. Funny, I already pointed out once before (in a different post) the fun parallel of how Caitlin will sometimes go running to whoever her love interest is at the moment, or she'll call out his name, while Cisco is at the same moment running to Barry/calling out for Barry.

Side note: did they really think including Barry's proposal song to Iris would give more weight to their why-to-ship-Snowbarry argument?

38. I mean...Barry kind of carries everyone everywhere. You don't really get to see it, but how the heck else do you explain all the times he whooshes people in and out of places? He can't just drag them, otherwise the soles of their shoes would either wear down fast or catch on fire.

39. Okay, no shade to Barry and Caitlin's friendship, and some of these moments are really great, but generally speaking, their hugs do not compare to the ones that either of them has with Cisco. Also, note the group hug scene, conveniently cut off before Cisco joins in, because unlike the Romione + Harry hug in the Prisoner of Azkaban movie, there's no way to interpret it as a third wheel/cockblocking moment, because the moment Cisco declares it a group hug moment, Barry and Caitlin both agree, and you can see it on their faces that they are delighted, and think that Cisco joining in their hug has just made it even BETTER.

40. Henry gladly accepts a hug from Caitlin, immediately after laughing at Cisco's awkward moment and giving him a fatherly reassuring pat on the shoulder. I think it's safe to say he approves of all of Team Flash.

41. Oh look, another thing Barry and Cisco and multiple other characters do.

Good god, I'm not even halfway through this yet. This is like that time I tried to climb Diamond Head.

42. Ah, superhero poses, yes. That thing that...superheroes...do. Like, all of the ones on this show. And in general.

43. "They begin to resemble each other." They're just white, fam. OH MY GOD, I SOMETIMES TAKE MY SUNGLASSES OFF WITH ONE HAND, TOO! OT3 MUCH????? 😱 Lol what even??

44. How many times throughout this video am I gonna have to repeat that everyone on this show has these moments? Also, speaking in unison with someone because you had prior knowledge of what they were going to say due to yourself or someone else time traveling, is not the same as being in sync with them because you’re close. (He said “Weather Wizard” at the same time as Cisco, too.)

45. Idk what to even say to this one. Like, Iris is obviously the love of Barry's life, and Cisco is obviously his favorite best friend and the person he would be with if he didn’t have Iris.

46. *John Mulaney voice* AND THEN THEY DIDN'T! Seriously, though, both of the people they were trying to get over were perfect for them. I don't have a Barrisco specific rebuttal for this one though.

47. So by this video's logic, that one scene from 4x03 means that Barry, Harry, and Cisco should be a threesome, huh?

48. "I did it because it gave me an excuse to bring him back."

49. .................is this even an argument?

50. They're both good looking people, darling.

51. Wrong, sir. They fight like siblings. Trust me on this one, I have six of them.

52. Trauma response. I'm moving away from Barrisco arguments and just saying the first thing that pops into my head now. But seriously, this is a normal reaction to trauma/loss.

53. *Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* I'm not even gonna say it this time, you already know.

54. Again, have you people ever had anyone in your life that you cared about, ever? I'm starting to get concerned, honestly. But for the sake of bringing Barrisco back into this, hey, remember that time Barry and Caitlin both got kidnapped on the same night and Cisco was completely beside himself?

55. This is getting out of hand.

56. Pretty sure dating Caitlin didn't even make the list for Barry's reasons to dislike Jay and Julian (also, he liked Ronnie, the guy she loved the most, so...)

57. Judging Barry for being a dumbass + helping an exposed girl out =/= jealousy. Granted, there was some jealousy in that last clip, but not because Iris got the man; it was because Barry was all set to live happily ever after while Caitlin was, y'know, struggling with powers she didn't want and another person living in her head that kept fighting her for control of her body.

58. Refer to season 1 episode 2, wherein Cisco is the person helping Barry from the beginning, and Caitlin asserts that she is on Joe's side when he tells Barry what a stupid and reckless idea trying to be a superhero is.

59 + 60. "Let's bring our boy home." / "Let's go get our girl." Do I need to cite either quote?

61. Again I ask, did a human make this list?

62. Don't make me tap the sign.

63. One word: Elseworlds.

64. If you'll scroll waaaaaaaaaaay up there, I already covered that Barry and Cisco hold hands A LOT.

65. Oooh, I made a meme about this one! Not after watching this video, I just see SBers say this all the time, and it drives me crazy.

I used this in my Snowbarry fandom drama presentation for my squad’s presentation party a while back.

Side note: ~INTERESTING~ how Caitlin being a doctor is ““romantic”” when she’s treating Barry but ““motherly”” when she’s treating Cisco. I can’t even.

66. ......I’m sorry, I’m just not seeing how the dramatic irony of them stating that Killer Frost will never be a problem on Earth-1 is pertinent to shipping them as a couple.

67. Hannibal Bates and Caitlin are perfect for each other? Weird take, but okay. Oh, and there Caitlin is trying to freeze Barry to death. Wasn’t there a point somewhere up there about her never wanting him to get hurt?

Side note: Hey, what’s the name of that guy who saved Barry in this scene?

68. Bruh, that’s just her dynamic with everyone that season.

69. Barry and Iris, Barry and Cisco, Cisco and Caitlin, Cisco and Harry, Caitlin and Killer Frost, Cisco and Killer Frost--just naming some duos that are more iconic than Barry and Caitlin. Again, no shade to their friendship--I really like them as friends!--but the shippers stay making it out to be more than it really is.

I also just have to point out that although Killer Frost was the one who willingly teamed up with Savitar/whom Savitar sought out first, when she comments on their team up and says it’s “Barry and Caitlin together again”, his response is to point out that she’s not Caitlin and he’s not Barry. In contrast, when he takes Cisco against his will and forces him to modify the speed force bazooka, he still refers to Cisco as his best friend.

70. Make up your mind, does Savitar count as Barry in this or not? Because he totally grabbed Caitlin by the throat once.

71. I don’t know how to break this to you, but not enjoying it when someone is in pain is just being normal. (Do I even need to point out Cisco’s empathetic cringing compared to Barry’s looks of mild discomfort, or...?)

At some point this went from being about Barrisco to being about Cisco being the favorite friend to both of them, idk.

72. He. Is. Literally. A. Superhero.

73. Man, what did I JUST say? Also, can we just acknowledge the build up to Crisis on Infinite Earths for a second, wherein Frost very quickly accepts that Barry is supposed to die in order to save everyone else, while Cisco has infinite crises of his own at the idea of having to accept Barry’s death--which, I might add, he never actually does? Neither does Iris, for that matter. They tried to accept it, and they thought they did, but they didn’t really.

74. Oh fuck it, just read 73 again.

75. Okay, what even is this one? Two scenes where they are not present for each other’s “deaths” and thus don’t react to them, meanwhile Cisco is devastated in both of them?

76. Same thing I’ve already said several times before.

77. How many times do I gotta point out that this is a superhero show?

78. Just really trying hard to find enough reasons to make this list 101, huh? (What is Firestorm, chopped liver?)

79. Because violence = chemistry apparently. Wasn’t there another entry about how they can never hurt each other or something?

80. I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the vibrating hand that shredded Cisco’s heart before either of those scenes happened.

81. It’s like SBers think they’re the only two characters on the entire show.

82. I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over all the other vibrating hands triggering Cisco at least once per season. But sure, Barry and Caitlin are the only two who know suffering.

83. Two words: Flashpoint. Dante. Also, not seeing how this one is romantic.

84. That’s just a Caitlin/Frost thing, fam, it only happened to Barry because he got whammied by Prism, who caused the same effect in everyone else he whammied. (Cisco’s eyes turned purple once when he got hypnotized.)

85. Please. I beg of you. Get friends. Interact with a human person.

Side note: “I trust you” was almost what I put for Barrisco’s “always/okay”.

86. “Don’t call me that. I don’t know you, string bean.” / “I don’t know who you think you are, but around here, people call me Mr. Ramon.” / “The name is Vibe.” (Again, romance where?)

87. Kinda like how Mirror Iris and Mirror Kamilla have slightly dressier tastes than Real Iris and Real Kamilla.

88. ....Anyways, Vibe........

89. The first time because Cisco saved him, the second time because she froze him just enough to fool Grodd, not enough to actually kill him. (Again I say, what is Firestorm?)

90. So romance. Very love. Much relationship.

91. ANYWAYS, CISCO. (And uh, hello, IRIS???? Joe? Harry?)

92. See 88.

93. This one might be a fun ship parallel if Caitlin had actually been involved in Barry’s brain zapping, but instead it’s just like, “here’s two random scenes that are kinda similar in completely insignificant ways”, like the evil clothes thing a few entries back.

94. Another entry that just demonstrates that their one-on-one moments together, while good, just don’t compare to either of their one-on-one moments with Cisco. I can’t be the only person who sees this.

95 + 96 + 97. I can’t muster up enough interest in any of these shows to watch them all the way through. Is this supposed to impress me?

98 + 99 + 100. The only point this proves is that they have multiple ship names. (I thought their evil ship name was Savifrost?)

101. Mm, sorry, sweetheart, Westallen, Barrisco, and Snowstorm all have them beat in this category.

This post really got away from me, at this point idk what I’m even doing, but I went on too long to stop now.

Oh, shit, there’s a bonus round.

Honestly, I fail to see how a lot of these supposedly “match”? But as for the ones that do, that’s just your basic TV aesthetics, I forget the official name for it. They’re matchy-matchy with Cisco in some of those shots, too, because TV matchy color psychology whatever. It’s a whole thing, every TV show and movie does it.

If anyone actually followed along this far, congratulations on your attention span, my brain could never. Idk how to end this post because it strayed so far from my original intent and basically just turned into a Snowbarry Fandom Doesn’t Make Sense Presentation 2.0

You know, I like to try not to generalize and stuff, and I’d like to think that maybe not all SBers are racist and that some people genuinely just like the ship because they think that makes sense or something, but then I look at their reasons for shipping it, and it’s just the dang blandest thing I ever did see, and they have to reach so far when they try to explain why they think they’re the best “couple” on the show and just??? I am the queen of shipping friends who never get together romantically, but Barry and Caitlin just don’t got it, son. Tbh part of the show’s appeal to me is the fact that there’s no threat of Caitlin ever getting with either of her male bffs in that way, because Cisco is like her brother, and getting with Barry just wouldn’t make sense. It just befuddles me to no end that they are such a wildly popular ship and not a rare pair, because the way their relationship is in canon is just exactly the way it should be.

That’s it, I guess. I’ve already invested this much time in this, so I might as well post it.

Also, please don’t anybody try to start anything in the comments section of this video, this fandom has enough drama as it is.

#anti Snowbarry #s6 #(for spoilers)#I used to be indifferent about this ship I swear but the fandom is just so whack at all times that I don't know what to do with myself #mainly regarding their attitude toward Iris/Candice but in all the stuff talked about in this post too

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