#I hate working devops

[lofi-valentine]

After having worked in the tech industry for almost 5 years I have learned the following: 1. Every contract I have ever been on has just been a huge scam to get as much government money as possible for as little work as possible 2. People repeat the same things over and over getting nothing accomplished, actively avoiding provided solutions to their issues 3. The entire industry overworks you for nothing and should actively unionize

[kooppss]

Get to Know Me- Tag Game

@jungkoode thank you for tagging me ❤️ Kiks original post

I'll try not to over-overthink my answers. But I don't like choosing favorites, I love duality, I need to have both sides of everything. So there will be multiple answers for each question.

What’s the origin of your blog title?

I have a mug with cat pictures that says 'you've cat to be kitten me right meow'. I say it a lot. I like how it sounds. I don't know. Maybe I'll add a photo.

Koopps is sort of an anagram of how my husband and I sometimes call each other. And I like how it sounds.

Favorite fandoms:

One piece. JJK (tho sometimes I can't match the fandom freak). HxH. I'm not too deep into any fandom, I like to dip my toes in everything. In some, I like fanfic, and in others, I'm there for fan art. Depends.

OTP(s)/shipname:

Sanzo. I love my moss head and my cook.

Ace and I.

Favorite color:

I'm originally a pink girlie, but I like anything pretty, girly, pastel, and aesthetic. I dress mostly in natural colors/black, and my home has a neutral aesthetic with pops of color and colorful art.

Favorite game:

Lately, I've really gotten into Kirby on Switch. And I spent HOURS on Supermarket simulator with my husband. But my all-time favorite is probably Heroes of Might and Magic 3.

Song stuck in your head:

I can't choose one, but those are the songs I listened to on repeat in the last days/weeks/months/years.

'Would I Lie To You?' by Charles & Eddie. It's a problem. I listen to it ten times a day lately, or I'm not okay.

'Put Your Records On' by Ritt Momney. It's giving me my tae fic OCs vibe, I listen to it and daydream about them.

'Persuasive' by Doechii & SZA

'Tequila Shots' by Kid Cudi

'Love Really Hurt Without You' by Billy Ocean

Weirdest habit/trait?

I hate fruits. Can throw up only from smelling them. I'm very sensitive to scents and I hate how they smell. I need to hold my breath at the supermarket when I go by the fruit section.

Hobbies:

Cooking, baking, reading, writing, drawing, embroidery, pottery, anything creative basically.

I also love bird watching, hiking, and being in nature. One of my favorite activities is snorkelling. I live by the beach, but there's not much marine life here, so I need to travel for it.

If you work, what’s your profession?

software developer / devops

If you could have any job you wish, what would it be?

I love what I do. It gives me stability and a comfortable life. It also challenges me, requires me to use my brain, and requires me to constantly learn new things. And as much as I hate some days being a woman working in a male-led field, I find a lot of pride in it. I think it's important for women to work in those fields.

But leaving realistic thoughts aside, I'd love to live on a farm on a hill in Tuscany and have lots of animals. Or live in a beach house on a beautiful island. And just bake, and draw, and write my little stories.

Something you’re good at:

Cooking, baking, and being creative.

Problem solving, analytical thinking.

Something you’re bad at:

A lot of things. Like running, singing, having a father figure, finance.

No, but seriously, I try not to focus on what I'm not good at. It's not good for my imposter syndrome (women in stem thing, you know). You don't have to be good at something to enjoy it, and you don't have to do something you're not good at.

Something you love:

My husband. My sisters. My cats.

Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff:

Everything lol. I love to deep-dive into everything, especially if the other person knows what they're talking about.

But I can talk a lot about psychology, neuroscience, everything biology, evolution, art, birds, lizards, anime.

Also, talk with me about my man. I dare you. I won't shut up.

Something you hate:

Stupid people who talk with confidence about things they know nothing about.

Spiders.

Something you collect:

My husband and I have a nice growing anime figures collection (we have like 4 Zoros and zero Sanjis, which is a shame). I love cute kitchen utilities. I try to expand my art collection. I mostly like nature-related illustrations; I already have some birds, flowers, and a blowfish.

Something you forget:

Plot ideas that I swear 'there's no way I'm going to forget because it's so good and genius and fits them perfectly'.

And I forget people's faces and names.

What’s your love language?

giving - acts of service, gift giving, physical touch but only with my husband.

receiving - ACTS OF SERVICE, quality time, words of affirmation.

Favorite movie/show:

My favorite anime are HxH and 'That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime'. One piece, goes without saying. For Marvel, I really loved Moonknight.

I love the Kill Bill movies and '10 things I hate about you'.

Favorite food:

Anything Italian, chocolate, sweets, carbs, good bread with butter, French pastries. A lot of things.

Favorite animal:

Cats.

But also sharks, whales, turtles, komodo dragons (tho I didn't get the chance to see one irl), iguanas. I won't start to list the birds I like because we won't end this.

Are you musical?

No. I love listening to music. But I can't play any instrument, and I should never sing.

What were you like as a child?

Too good. Too mature. The overlooked one. The kind that 'she's good, she can take care of herself'. Shy, quiet, artistic. I'm healing through doing 'childish' things as an adult and stopping taking life so seriously.

Favorite subject at school?

Math, biology, chemistry, art.

Least favorite subject?

Probably gymnastics because it was lame and boring. I hated being sweaty afterwards, and that people smelled like sweat.

What’s your best character trait?

Sensitive and logical. I think I'm a very sensitive and emotional person, which leads me to care and give a lot of love. But at the same time, I need logic and order; it pushes me to work hard to have a good, comfortable life.

What’s your worst character trait?

Sensitive and logical. I take things personally, I overanalyze every social encounter I have. I overthink whether people around me actually like me. I'm very critical of myself.

If you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be?

Not much. Pretty standard, good day. I'm just a little tired, so maybe a little power nap or better sleep at night. And maybe if by some magic, the shit-tone of work I have to do was already done for me.

But if we're doing fantasy, maybe I want to be on a beach vacation with my husband.

If you could travel in time who would you like to meet?

I don't have a good historical figure in mind right now. But maybe some famous artists? Like Van Gogh? See him in action?

Recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love):

I can't do one obviously, so I'll just drop a few of them.

Fuck Me Up by @jungkoode (AKA writer-wife)

Yes, I'm biased. I don't care. The fact that I know the writer is an amazing, smart, sensitive person just makes reading it even better. The attention to detail, the story, the realism, the smut, all of it, is on another level. And if you haven't already done so, check her other fics as well.

What Was Hidden by @daechwitatamic

I don't know how many times I've read it by now. It's my comfort fic, I can't even explain why. It's so easy to read in the best way possible. The storytelling is so good, the writing is on another level. I HIGHLY recommend. (If it's your first time reading it, I recommend leaving the tae pov parts to the end, as they might give you spoilers.)

Two Point Five by @bratkook

There's something so refreshing about this fic. Something between the fun writing and the change from the usual fic tropes. And this JK is so hot. And the smut.

Chasing Cars by @oddinary4bts

Read it only if you're ready to cry. It's an emotional journey, but it's so worth it. The story itself is really good, and the characters make you fall for them. I still want to hug this JK and tell him everything is going to be okay. The fic handles some very sensitive, emotional topics in a very intelligent and delicate way (check warnings before reading).

If you see this and you want to play as well, see yourself as invited ❤️

[daveknowstech]

Where the Android Tablet is today, and what it might become in a post chromebook world..

There has been a lot of discussion about Google, chromeOS, and the future on this Discord, and this post isn't about that. this post looks at the current state of Android Tablets where they can learn from chromeOS and also where Google might go with this..

To do this I've recently purchased the very large Samsung Galaxy Tab10 Ultra. this is a very big, premium tablet device from arguably one of the biggest Android device manufacturers on the planet. A company whom while the rest of the world forgot about android tablets, carried on and paved a solid lineup of Galaxy Tab products.

The purpose of purchasing this behemoth as two fold. firstly I like big tablets, big real-estate. I take a lot of photos, and having the bigger screen helps a lot editing and working with both photos and videos. The second reason was. Its about the sweet spot for a laptop screen as well. So with the Samsung Folio keyboard, there is a familiarity as a Chromebook user to all of this..

So lets cut to the chase, what has a week using this device to do work been like?

At times it felt just like being on a Chromebook, others its as frustrating as anything.. However its frustrating for the same reasons a Windows User would be frustrated going to a Mac (or Vice Versa). things are not available..

Lets start with the good…

Putting the Samsung Folio keyboard on this tablet, and sitting down at a desk, turning on Dex and working was, because i've been using chromeOS, a seamless experience in the most part. I'm used to the Android experience or the web app experience. The tablet is quick. I'm able to edit Insta360 Videos, or in Lightroom or VCSO.. I get Slack messages and apparently look good in Meet calls because the webcam is where it should be (top middle in landscape mode). the battery has lasted all day and I've been able to do what I need to do (DevOps, Ansible, Terraform, sysadmin stuff)

The processor is more than capable of having 15+ apps running, multiple tabs.. the screen is crystal clear, the speakers are good. However i'd expect all of this, its a premium product (RRP: £800ish) just as I would from a similar priced chromeOS tablet.

However I do think this is the case because of the tablets screen real-estate. personally i think if i had got the Galaxy tab10 plus with a smaller screen, I'd have felt much more constricted in what I was doing..

Compared to the Ipad Pro experience, this is no matter what any tech bro influencer will tell you a huge leap over said device. Being able to actually multi task and run apps (in dex) not full screen alone takes this to a level above the Apple product.

However then there is whats missing.. These as i inferred above are things i've noticed having used a Chromebook as my daily driver for the last 5+ years.

As a huge Linux user on Native platforms and chromeOS, i really missed the Chromebooks Linux shell. this is something I've seen Google are working on with android. Both the full debian runing on the OS with Icons aoppearing when you install Linux apps with GUI's (OnlyOffice for example) which launch independetly of the shell is not a feature to be sniffed at and IMO make the Chromebook one of the best entry level Linux devices available today. Whatever Google have done here, they need to replicate.

I'd also like to see the desktop version of the Chrome browser especially on the bigger scren, the android version of chrome is ok for most things, having the desktop version however should not be a huge leap of development to get this working.. with a huge highlight on PWAs which i use a lot on ChromeOS

Finally there is Dex, I have a love hate relationship over the years with Dex, and the classic version has been my workhorse for the last week. with a keyboard, mouse and external monitor this is more than a workable solution for checking email, slack, meet meetings and even some coding. All the time however i am thinking why not chromeOS?

Dex for its time was a great and groundbreaking idea, and interestingly is the last of many convergence tools over the years, and its always made we wonder why when i plug in a Pixel Phone/Tablet into a USB Hub with a monitor I don't get a ChromeOS like experience.

So what are my thoughts on chromeOS becoming Android based on using arguably the top tier Android experience as my sole PC for a week?

It boils for me into these areas

While ChromeOS will run fine on a 4Gb Arm chip for browsing the web and a few tasks. 8Gb is the minimum you need to start using it properly.. The same will be the same with any new android tablet, for this to work, the 8Gb equivalent needs to be the base hardware, same with processors and storage. Google will need as they did with chromebook Plus to set a minimum spec for these new devices day 1. Or they will cause a lot of market confusion and again get that chromeOS low power second screen device label that they have never shifted from the tech press narrative. This i think has only worked for me because of the premium experience, i think had i gone mid tier i'd have been writing something very different.

The interface and app experience is somewhat comparable, however if Google do put the desktop browser on android as has been suggested they may do, this will make a big difference. OneUI for all its haters, does do a good job of presenting a nice desktop above the Pixel equivalent. Its, dare i say it, more "windows like" and having that as an option interface wise would be a good thing.

Expanding on Interface, the experience presnted to the user of Dex when plugging into an external monitor and adding a keyboard/mouse is important, I would like to see Google work here on something which looks like chromeOS appear when i plug an (lets call it Android Plus) Android Plus device into a hub. a step above dex and a more Usable desktop. this provides huge value ad, and really starts to differentiate Android from Ipad Pro and (i think its called) stage manager. This starts to become an easy drop in replacement for schools, businesses etc while staying familiar and enterprise admins can still do thier thing.

And finally there are things which google should 100% be pulling over from ChromeOS, i think the whole material you type experience is better on chromeOS (although this might just be Samsungs OneUI), the Linux shell experience is another huge thing. Better PWA support and the inbuilt VPN support would be nice too.

All in all a space I'll be hugely interested in over the next few years, if google is serious about making a dent in that lucrative iPad/Pro market it needs to make changes and the convergence of the two OS might actually be the thing which takes the Android OS everyone gave up on on Tablets and the chromeOS only good as a second screen device and makes them the thing you guy to get stuff done..

[jumpywhumpywriter]

Hey how’s it going!! Just wanted ask, what are your favorite stories that you have written? And what inspired them?

Oooooh great question! It's hard to pick a favorite with how many stories I've written. So far, in all my stories NOT related to my main trilogy, I've written 359,304 words, which is CRAZY. If I include the writing from my giant in-progress fantasy trilogy, that number skyrockets to a whopping 859,523 words. 🤯

And the number of characters excluding spaces is 3,954,075. But anyway, on to answering your question:

I'd say one of my top favorite series I've written would be "Captured -- Wild Humans Hunted and Captured to be Used as Servants". The plot is absolutely magnificent, and is one of my best novels yet. I've actually re-read it over 7 times because I enjoy it so much (I'm honestly a little surprised it's not more popular among fans -- a lot surprised, actually.) And I actually drew inspiration for that one from another series I wrote called "Beautiful Blood". Both stories highlight humans being kept as pets & servants by vicious creatures far more powerful than them, but the plots are vastly different. In my personal opinion, it's one of my most well-devoped stories I've ever written in terms of the overall flow and storyline.

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My 2nd favorite would likely be the "Vampire & Vampire Hunter" series. The dynamics are great, and the complicated relationships between characters are some of my best work yet. Each character's personalities are just so well-developed! It really brings them to life in a unique way. As for the inspiration, I must say that I have been slightly inspired by the "Kane & Jim" vampire story written by @whumpsday. I really like how their characters interact and the plot is fascinating! I've always enjoyed writing vampires above most other mythological creatures because there's so many possibilities for how they can be portrayed. Are they violent, bloodthirsty monsters like most people would assume? Or kind, considerate beings who don't prefer hurting humans unless they need to feed? It all depends on the individual vampire...

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My 3rd favorite story I've written would probably be "A Life in the Hands of the Enemy -- Villain reluctantly saves Hero's Life". The inspiration for this one actually came from a random Pinterest prompt I saw! It goes to show that inspiration can come from the strangest places. Here's the lengthy prompt I used for that one:

"Get up!" Villain roars mockingly, looming over Hero where they're sprawled on the ground. "Get up and fight for your precious city!" They wait a moment. "Well? Giving up already?!"

Nothing.

"I never knew you were so weak," Villain sneers. "What would your adoring citizens think?"

They wait. After another minute of silence, Villain creeps warily closer, their weapon/ powers at the ready in case it's a ruse. Hero still hasn't moved. Now that they're close enough to see, Villain realizes that they're pale as a ghost under their mask and barely breathing. There's a dark patch of blood soaking through their suit, from a wound that Villain didn't cause.

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4th favorite has to be the "Living Weapon Whumpee" novels. What I enjoy most is this big bad war weapon learning how to be gentle when a young girl comes into his life who happens to be on the enemy side of the war he's been taught to fight. Whumpee learns how to be kind and gentle, and it's both fascinating and heartwarming to have this giant scarred-up wardog interact with such an innocent child who isn't afraid of how he looks like everyone else is, who doesn't know about his dark past and touches him with kindness instead of hate for once, which is a foreign concept to Whumpee because he's never been touched by kindness before.

This one I hit a lot of writer's blocks on, but I actually received a LOT of support and suggestions/ideas from my audience and random anons that kept the story going.

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5th favorite has GOT to be "The Lost Hero" - Crippled Hero Presumed Dead. It is SOOOOOOOO underrated it's unbelievable!!! The inspiration for this one actually came from dozens of different Hero x Villain stories I've read from other wonderful creators.

Basically, I don't see nearly enough of heroes with seriously traumatic, permanent injuries in writing. Like, not just classic scarring, but the kind that sticks with them every day and impacts everything from the way they move to their confidence levels. Physically handicapping kind of old wounds. Maybe they just didn't heal right, who knows. So I decided to write what I've always wanted to see!!

It was SO hard to pick my favorites, but there's my top 5. Here's some other honorable mentions for my other favorite stories I've written that didn't quite make the list but are still EPIC:

Drugged Hero Whumpee used as Party Favor at Villain's Party

Villain's Coffee Shop

The Monter in the Black Room

[mythgrippa-blog]

Another morning

Alright, where do I start. Perhaps with the app I've been working on with my team. Alright, where do I start with that... think think think...

I'm the technical lead for university year long project (its actually 6 months, so I don't know why they would call it a year project) and its essentially a capstone project for my computer science degree.

My team is composed of 5 people, including myself and 4 of those members I've been in another terminal war simulator C++ project with last year and the other member I've met and teamed up with this year.

When we first decided to team up, I didn't want to be group leader again because I'm simply not a leader! Its way too much pressure having to manage people and making sure everyone is doing their work, and in hindsight I still think someone else in my group should have been a leader because I don't like these responsibilities! I'm a techie, an introvert! PICKING ME TO BE A LEADER?!?!? ARE YOU INSANE??

But nobody else wanted and I hate how everyone thought I was just playing hard to get, bro I'm simply not like that! But alas I gave in since no one bothered to step up, the only leadership quality I think I have is my refusal to fail and my clear sight to a goal. And also my ability to go beyond my limits even if detrimental to my mental health

So, what was the project that I've someone ended up as a leader for? Well, the project was an event photo sharing app and our client was a software engineer from a popular tech company in my country.

We met up with them, discussed ideas for the project, tried my best to encourage my team for the most grueling 5-6 months of their lives and got to work!

Being a project manager/leader is super hard like oh my goodness, I had to make sure there were constant meetings and that we followed scrum agile framework, it was really hard managing because getting people to do work is not one of my skill sets, I've always been a solo leveler but now I have to tell others what to do. Its hard to enforce accountability for work not done when your members are also friends.

What I wanted for my team is for them to have fun, learn something that can make them more valuable in the long run and ultimately build something they're proud of. Those are the values I tried for but its very hard if nobody listens to me and it feels like a chore to them.

My role was mostly technical leading as in most of the technical decisions were made by me, and also technical support as in if you ran into an issue come to me and I'll help or lead you to someone who can help, and I was also DevOps as in I built the whole CI/CD pipeline for our project with automatic builds, tests and deployments (I've never done this before so I had to learn and learn a lot of github actions), I was also sort of doing full stack (backend/service engineer and integration engineer and ui engineer) and also involved in training an AI model which in the end didn't work but we found a nice python solution. As you can imagine, I was having a lot on my plate? more like table and all had to be done

The team focused towards the 4 demos we had, each demo was a sort of deliverable where we had to have a certain percentage of the app requirements done. It was exhausting work, I had to work so many nights and give up weeks of holidays and recess to get it done, I started eating more and sleeping less, moving less, always on my computer, coding and designing, day in day out, sacrificing family time to make progress for the sake of the project, why? because I don't want to fail, it was no longer for sake of making the best app in the world, somewhere down the line of development it was no longer for the fun of it, it was for survival. This felt like a Herculean challenge, as if I was Sisyphus or something, it was all I could think about. I thought this project would finally be the time I enjoy myself but it ended with me having to rush to meet deadlines. Pushing myself to the very limit.

I won't lie, I was starting to feel hate inside my heart because I was burning myself out. Before the project began, one of the assistant lecturers mentioned that the projects will be tough and that it may ruin friendships, I didn't think much of it but now I'm just shook at my team. Not because deadlines weren't being met but because I was being ignored, I felt like I was being an inconvenience, like I was just taking time away from them and when the demo was getting closer and then all so suddenly they look at me like why things weren't finished. I'm sorry but we have deadlines for a reason!!! And now we have to do crunch time and I look like a bad guy.

But those feelings so mostly dissipated in our 4th demo because that was it, our supposed final demo, at least where the app is supposed to be at 100% complete. We finished all of the required features and tried adding extra, and what was the result? Well you can go and see for yourself

This is what we were presenting, the presentation went alright, better than the first 3 but I wasn't satisfied because there were some features I wanted to add but couldn't since we had to make sure the parts we did have were working. We were presenting to our lecturers, not the module lecturers but lecturers for the whole computer science degree, so we were a bit shaky.

The presentation went alright, two of my members have a dynamic, one of my engineers had a Steve Jobs like talent and the other was a quick learner and were very good at hiding their fears. The lecturers asked us questions, there's something I noticed about these questions... they were ignited by our presentation, but thats something for later. The questions were essentially based on what they taught us in the last couple of years since the degree began in first year and as final years were we able to apply what they taught us.

We were able to answer most of the questions with confidence, however one of my lecturers wasn't happy with our implementation of microservices. But other than that, it wasn't anything major, we did our best. And now we can stop working on the project.

There's a fifth demo in case our 4th demo didn't go well, meaning that we have to make improvements to the app, but we haven't got the results yet. In the mean time, we are focusing on our other modules.

Well I think I've said enough about the project. I'll write more later on what I'm going to do with this new free time because its crazy how much free time we have without this project. I am happy my team was able to push themselves, I've always wanted to be part of a development team where we all code and eat pizza together while working on the app. Discussing ideas with each member and how they should be implemented. This experience was valuable and I don't believe it would have been possible if I wasn't the group leader or with these lovable goof balls.

I do have anger issues, but the normal amount of anger, you know when your buttons get pressed so much, I was the only technical support! I felt like an overworked gateway service! Oh my goosh I was just mad. But hey, there's a good and bad to this, all you need to know I won't be doing any more group leaderly stuff hopefully and I'm not going to be involved in software development for a while and I'm retiring. Its off to cybersecurity now.

I'll let you know how the results are, but my next post will come out shortly

[sounak17]

WFH, Remote Work, Business Continuity Plan whatever we want to call it we can essentially it is the same thing in it’s core. There will not be a normal that we can get back to even after this COVID-19 pandemic ends, there will not be a BAU, oh how love our corporate jargons and acronyms. I am a fresher and it does not take a 17-23 year old experienced person to figure out how things are gonna play and how the new normal is gonna change our lives forever. I joined at work at september 2019 and by the time I was getting used to the myth of a 9-5, I found myself on bed with my laptop locked down from the entire world in a relatively new city in the southern part of India. Worked relentlessly for 2 and a half months sitting on the bed except when in a video meeting or just want to click selfies of WFH setup. So here are my two cents on how an IT MNC should look forward to the new normal, a fresher’s suggestion you can say but hey! We are important! Here goes nothing:

1: Stop ranting about traditions and adopt to the new culture it is never too late to start. If you keep on with your waterfall model then be prepared to be obliterated by the likes of DevOps and AGILE.

2:We(by we I meant who are your interns and freshers and who recently joined) are fully aware of your nightmares of information securities and integrity breaches and TRUST us we absolutely love and respect our jobs. We also know that everything we do can eventually be traced to us by various digital footprints and we hate jail time. It is not like we are flying away from the country anytime soon.

3: Increase in productivity can done virtually as well AR/VR can be used to brain storm and have meetings. Very doable since now you are saving on the power of on-prem infra.

4: This is called work life balance. Deal with it! If a person is well rested and does not need to travel 20 miles to office to and fro everyday beating the traffic that person will love to give additional efforts to the project if asked by the managers or peers at the time of need. Mangers reading this please do not missuse this point. We can totally figure it out when you do it.

5: Appreciate your work force they are the cream to your ice. Pay them well, take care of them.

Conclusion: Do not hold on to previous practises and be flexible please adopt change and be the pioneers of the new normal. You are already doing an awsome job just a few tweaks and you are all set.

[poipoipoi-2016]

@tototavros replied:

How would one learn more about SRE stuff/how to start doing them yourself in the workplace if your job is already v fluid? (I was technically hired for a blockchain position, and my next few month is "writing up a logging demo, reviewing a metrick fuckton of code, and writing a style guide" because Haskell

Part of the problem is that you don’t.  There’s no obvious pipeline in the way that there’s an obvious pipeline to be a developer (90 day bootcamp for frontend dev, 4-year degree or Lambda School for backend).  

Read https://landing.google.com/sre/sre-book/toc/index.html, I guess?

Then there’s usually some break where somebody wants you to build infrastructure, which gets you the right buzzwords, which in turn gets recruiters trying to get you to come join their Devops groups.  

That logging demo is exactly the sort of thing I could expect to convert into a Devops position later.  “How do we do logging at this company?”  Same with that style guide (albeit as adjunct, not a main thrust).  Now all you need to do is end up running alerting/monitoring as well, and that’s about a fifth of my last job. 

Also, Google has this concept of SWE/SRE, where you pass the Software Engineering interview and then head over and become an oncall SRE while picking up the ops/Unix stuff in the background.  

Broadly speaking, if I was going to break down the job, it’s: 

My area of competence is understanding how (some of) our internal systems work.  

And because I understand infrastructure, I’m primary oncall.  

And because I hate getting paged, and I hate spending time debugging, I spend my time making our stuff work better. 

I really hope I have enough people to fix problems faster than they emerge!

I really hope none of our problems are application-level bugs that require deep dev knowledge to fix!

I really hope I can return the pager if everything is fracked and the devs won’t or can’t help!   Because that’s not how they get promoted. 

Pick at least 2 or prepare for hell.  

And because I’m oncall, I will occasionally be a massive pain about having consistent infrastructure and service structure that match the style guides I laid out in this documentation over here.  

And in turn, because I am the bottleneck, I will happily review any new service/vendor/etc in order to make sure it works.  

Oh, and by dint of existing, I end up running all of our security with no idea what I’m doing.

OTOH, they totally had plaintext passwords, so it’s not like I can mess that one up worse, eh?

Breaking this down by services/parts:

Instances (Launch/configure), Database, Authentication, Build/Deploy, Logging, Monitoring/Alerts, Development/test environments, Security.   

I was going to write a giant list of bullet points, started writing the first bullet point, and got this monstrosity, so... Yeah, not doing 8 of these.  But here’s one piece of infrastructure and the list of concerns I came up with over 20 minutes or so.  

Database: 

Does it work?  

When we lose an instance/disk, can we recover?  

Automatically?  

Backups/restores

How long do they take? (AKA: How much data did we lose?)

How long does recovery take? (AKA: How long is my service down for?)

Do we understand how to launch/configure new instances for the database?

Where are backups stored? 

Have we um... tested this restore yet?

Development

How do devs test against the database?

In today’s “Horrible GDPR violations that won’t scale, but can be built in seed round”, restore table-level backups per table on request.  

Bonus: This also tests the database backup/restore job on a regular basis.  

Do we need a fuzzer that anonymizes customer data?

Yes, but it’s a really hard problem, so we’re going to say no.  

Quota:

How much CPU/RAM/disk do we use?

How much do we have?

What happens when the first answer goes up towards or past the second answer?  Do we automatically upscale?  Do we get alerted?

Security

What credentials do you connect with, where are they stored, how/when are they rotated?

[mianwo]

docker errors i hate you jenkins debugging i hate you business as usual maintenance devops work i hate you all so much!!!

[firesnap]

Things I found weak about the stream:

Niki not being angry enough. I didn't want her to have a beat the shit out of Wilbur girlboss moment. But I wanted them to have some conflict more than what they did. She seemed more annoyed and then came to peace about Wilbur with so little work. Niki just keeps having relevant character devopment off stream. She went from angry Wilbur was alive to angry but glad he was back and we saw zero reason for t.

Niki not delving into the issues of their relationship. Wilbur threw out Manberg and his death and asking how she was doing… but she never really bit into it and engaged. I hate saying this, but Fundy is so far the person who took the general script Wilbur had and actually ran with it. Like, he played with the openings to look into his character and Wilbur's and played with the "and then" moments of RP more than anyone else. Niki and Tubbo have been the weakest at this.

The pacing in general. My biggest complaint about Wilbur's arc has been pacing. It's both rushed and drawn out somehow.

Wilbur saying Ghostbur is the good parts of him. I get that he's saying that, from a IC perspective, that he sees Ghostbur as the part of him people liked and trusted and wanted around. From a fandom perspective, people are going to twist that into the literal and take it the wrong way. Wilbur is on loretwt too much.

I cannot take DreamXD seriously after the Death Note and the streams with Foolish. Sorry.

Bringing Niki into the Friend plot at all. She had no real connectiont to Ghostbur or Friend and did nothing during it. It just feels like they could have stuck with like… him baking a cake or maybe doing more with the diamonds. The Friend thing just doesn't connect to anything regarding Wilbur and Niki and felt so jammed in.

Things, after thinking, I really liked about yesterday's lore stream:

Wilbur rushing to bake a cake and playing into the Niki tried to teach them to bake and Wilbur is just Bad at it.

Wilbur saying "I wasn't ready" and then changing it to "I wasn't ready for you to get here today" when we know he's been working himself up to talk to her for ages.

Niki not letting Wilbur sidetrack her by interrupting him to say "why are you here." and saying she doesn't know why he expected her to sit and listen to him. It ended up not having the follow through I wanted, but that one moment was good.

Wilbur saying he didn't come back because he was sick and not well and not in a good place mentally. The line "I was sick" is right up there with "I was very sad." Every single time he admits to others (and himself) how much of a bad place he was in mentally I feel my heart clench.

"Frankly, I hate [friend]. It reminds me of a worse time. But it is pretty cute."

Wilbur is aggressively anti-god. Love the father and son mutual disdain for for DreamXD too. But Wilbur seems to have a strong dislike for any being claiming to be an actual god beyond some hyped up title.

Wilbur continuing to show some morally gray traits and less kicked puppy ones. He was willing to drag Niki (and then Connor) into an objectively incredibly dangerous plan. His willingness to do some extreme act to get another mark on his checklist completed in general.

Niki and Wilbur nervously giggling about indirectly accidentally killing a man. "That's another one for the apology list."

"This time I'm going to tell you that I'm leaving. Unlike last time. Where you didn't hear anything. I'm leaving. I'm not sure when you'll see me again. But. Thank you for understanding. And being so -- I was really scared about you not forgiving me. There's only one person I'm more afraid of them not forgiving me but I'm probably not going to speak to them between now and then. So. I just... Thank you for knowing me."

[ailurinae]

That is FASCINATING to hear several tech savvy people say they like it. My buddy works front end tech support at Microsoft - yeah, when one of the people *writing* Windows (or Office or whatever) has a tech problem (and plenty of devs are not good at server and/or pc tech support, though devops has made more of them familiar with servers), they go to him. So he touches a lot of machines, including the internal beta phases of new OSs. And he HATES 11. Granted some of that is him being overall the type to resist technical changes, and also just being a passionate guy - he rarely likes or dislikes something halfway it seems. And he is one of those tech guys who brings out the worst in computers. Some tech guys, they walk to help, and hey the computer just started working perfectly, before he touched it. Not my friend. Someone is having trouble saving a Word document, he goes over to fix it, as he approaches the printer bursts into flames. So whether you chalk it up to very real effects somehow, or just random change, or confirmation bias and such... that's going to affect his perception I figure. Makes me more curious what I will think of it, though unless I get this busted-out-of-the-box new motherboard fixed/replaced, I am not going to be able to us it... Current system is Ivy Bridge era and has TPM but not 2.0. I don't think I want to muck around with some USB hack... (great to hear it is possible though)

if you're getting uploaded to a computer, please know I personally think you deserve at LEAST windows 11 because apparently it's going to be so good I need to upgrade my PC to handle it. you deserve better than windows vista. only people who would, like, kick a baby animal deserve vista.

(I'm sorry people are flooding you with medical advice, some of which is actively ableist and bullshit. please know I am sending you all the good vibes. you are a delight and, dare I say, a joy.)

lol, thank you. ETD actually has Windows 11 right now for his work and he's really enjoying it. Which isn't something he's said about a Windows operating system in quite a while. So there's that.

[bythebayio]

Leo Benkel - ZIO is making a huge difference in my way to write code

Leo Benkel grew up in France and has been living in San Francisco for the last 10 years. He is passionate about functional programming and teaches Scala at Demandbase. He enjoys designing/architecting libraries and software products. Simply, Leo loves exploring where nobody has ever been before and working with teams that want to create the "possible" out of the "improbable". His draw to exploration and adventure also carry over to life outside of work. When he’s not working, Leo enjoys video games, movies, TV shows, board games, traveling, and eating/cooking good food.

 What are the highlights of your software engineering career?  How did you get into your current area, and what’s the most interesting thing about it for you?  What made you especially prepared for your work?

I grew up and studied in France. I got a master's degree of engineering. In France, engineering does not have specialization until the final years so you get to learn about chemistry, quantum physics, industrial design even before writing  a line of code. Fortunately, my dad makes CGI for a living so I grew up with a computer. I started writing code when I was 6 years, making little games in QBasic.

I think there were two turning points in my career. My very first job out of school as an intern at Framehawk. This was an amazing experience, working with people at the peak of their career, changing the world. We got acquired and I built life changing connections along the way.

But I didn't really find my "niche" until I discovered Scala. At first, I hated it. But as I got to tame the beast, I fell in love with it. I am super excited to now be part of the community and talking at Scale by the Bay 2020. Going through this learning curve also made me realize how hard it was. And this is why now, I am trying to give back by writing a lot of tutorials and classes as well as managing an online community to learn Scala in an approachable way. 

To answer the question briefly, I think the combination of my background in all kinds of sciences and my love for Scala and Functional Programming help me go through my career successfully. From student to teacher.

A key theme that unites the best SBTB talks is Thoughtful Programming. Can you describe some situations where you stepped back and rethought your approach?  Where you needed better or higher abstractions?  How do the choices of technology help you be thoughtful?

One of my main skills, as well as one of my favorite things to do, is start a new project, a blank slate. Designing how the class structure and the code will interact, the architecture of the project is fascinating to me. 

Striking the right balance between quick delivery and future-proof code is hard. I think this is where experience comes into play. When I was at the start of my career, I was not able to understand how being senior or junior made a difference: "We both just write code!". But I quickly realized interacting with senior developers that there is a world of difference. Being exposed to more and more problems, experiencing the burden of technical debt first hand makes you grow. 

Programming thoughtfully, for me, is being able to write lightweight code, easy to read and maintainable while keeping in mind how the use cases might evolve. When you can predict how the code will be used, you are able to write modular code that will allow for those changes in matter of minutes or hours instead of weeks or months.

Related to the level of abstraction, I believe that ZIO is making a huge difference in my way to write code. It allows for independent modules and easy abstraction. It is like drawing the outline of your painting before filling it in. 

How do tools and devops infrastructure affect your life day to day?  How do you see developers and operators (devops) working together in the future?  What needs to be done to improve it on your end?

I am an absolute noob when it comes to Devops. I wouldn't be able to do my job without those amazing people ! At my current company, there is not much to improve honestly. We fill a ticket when we need something and it gets done ! They are awesome. 

“Cloud-Native” computing as it first emerged is operator-centric.  It’s getting easier to run the clouds themselves.  Does it get easier for developers to build apps on top of these new clouds?  What kind of abstractions are needed to develop the Cloud-Native Applications of tomorrow?

From my experience, those new cloud services are great for corporations but I think there is still a long way to go for individuals to be able to do it all by themselves. Also, putting your credit card right away without any trial or training wheels is scary. What if I configure something wrong and drain my savings in cloud cost?! 

I think one aspect that would be great is some kind of blocked account like for phones we used to have. I remember the kind of contract that would stop you from sending texts vs the ones that would let you send more and keep charging you. I prefer the one that blocks you. Maybe a cloud-blocked account with a limited amount of resources per month for a fixed price would be great. 

Even at a corporate level, it always seems so blurry what is going to be the monthly bill. 

What are some of the ways we can make the best lemonade out of the lemons of online-only setup this year?  How do you plan to make the best of it?

For me, this year was very positive. I was able to talk at conferences around the globe, all from my coach. I was able to connect with members of the Scala community in all parts of the planet from the US to Europe and Africa. I saw the various local Scala/Functional Programming meetups get together across time zones and vast distances. It made the world smaller and the communities tighter. Leveraging the fact that everyone is available online is huge. 

Also, there is nothing to do, no going out, going to the movies, etc… So working is my main distraction. I worked on open source projects, I wrote articles on my website, I created an online community. There is so much to do indoors! 

What are some other talks that you’re eager to see at SBTB, and which ones look like good companions for yours?

Any talks about Spark, ZIO, functional programming are of interest to me. I am particularly looking forward to the talk "Acting Lessons for Scala Engineers with Akka and ZIO" hosted by my dear friend Salar Rahmanian. The two major frameworks in the scala ecosystem are Spark and Akka. As I am presenting Spark + ZIO, Salar is going to talk about Akka + ZIO ; this will be a great combo! 

Do not miss Leo Benkel and his talk "Enhancing Spark's Power with ZIO" at Scale By the Bay on November 12. Tickets are available so book yours now.

[suzanneshannon]

CMD+Z for Git is Here

Version control with Git has become a “commodity” by now: virtually every software project today uses Git, and virtually every developer knows Git to some extent. This explains why I sometimes hear the following question when I talk about what I do for a living: “A desktop client for Git? Why would I need that? I can do that on the command line!“

If I’m lucky, I have a computer next to me when that question hits me. And instead of producing a wordy answer, I do a couple of things in Tower, our desktop client for Git.

Anyone who’s ever performed an “Interactive Rebase” is amazed by how easy that is in Tower: you simply drag and drop to combine commits or reorder them. And anyone who hasn’t yet used “Interactive Rebase” – because it was too complicated and clunky to use on the command line – now understands that it’s a very valuable tool.

Or I might make a mistake: accidentally deleting a branch or messing up a merge in a terrible way. And I’ll simply hit CMD+Z, like I would in a text editor, to undo the mess I just made.

People then start to realize that the real question is not: “Can I get by using Git on the command line?” The more important questions are:

Can I use all of Git’s power? (Even the advanced features that might be hard to use, but that can be very valuable…)

Can I work with Git in a productive way? (Not having to look up parameters, not spending too much time on my workflows…)

Can I work with Git in an easy way? (Without having to think about it too much…)

We – a small team of just 9 people – have spent the last 10 years answering those questions by building Tower.

How to Undo Mistakes

One of Git’s greatest features is that it allows you to undo almost anything. However, it requires quite some experience to know how exactly to undo your particular kind of mess: a failed merge has to be cleaned up differently than a deleted branch!

After working on this for a long time, Tower now allows you to undo virtually anything – simply by pressing CMD+Z! (Note: the “Undo” feature is a quite recent addition and first available in the Mac version of Tower. It will soon come to Windows, too).

No matter if you messed up a merge, inadvertently deleted a branch, discarded a valuable local change, published a branch on a remote too soon, or simply committed something that you shouldn’t have – your lifesaver is as simple as “CMD+Z”, and it’s always available.

The Power of Interactive Rebase

Interactive Rebase is a wonderful example of Git’s more powerful features. It allows you to…

edit old commits (both their messages as well as their changesets!)

combine multiple commits into one

reorder commits

…and even delete commits you don’t need anymore!

All of these can help a lot to keep a code base clean and structured. But being a very powerful tool, Interactive Rebase is also an example of a Git feature that is quite complicated to use!

Many beginners are scared away by this complexity – meaning that, of course, they will miss out on the benefits of the feature! Many experienced developers know and use Interactive Rebase; but since the feature is hard to use, it costs them a lot of time and/or they make mistakes from time to time.

Knowing this, we had two goals for integrating Interactive Rebase into Tower: on the one hand, we wanted to reduce as much of its complexity as possible. And on the other hand, we wanted to make the feature easily accessible.

The result is that Interactive Rebase is now integrated right into the “Commit History” and accessible via simple drag & drop and menu options:

Countless developers that wouldn’t have used Interactive Rebase at all on the Command Line are now using it on a daily basis in Tower.

Quick Actions

Almost independent of its size, working in a code base means spending a lot of time searching: for example for a certain branch (out of lots of branches) or a certain file (out of lots of files).

Tower allows you to do most of your daily tasks without sifting through data – and even without taking your hands off the keyboard. The “Quick Action” dialog takes almost any input and allows you to simply act on it:

Give it a branch name and it will offer to do a checkout.

Give it a file name and it will offer to show it in the File History.

Give it a commit hash and it will offer to show that commit’s details.

Being able to perform many tasks right from the keyboard, without having to search and sift through loads of data, can make life as a developer a lot easier.

Solving Conflicts with Confidence

Everyone hates that moment when a merge (or rebase) stops and leaves you with a bunch of conflicts 😱 Multiple questions then quickly enter the poor programmer’s mind:

What are my changes? What are someone else’s?

What actually happened?

Why me?

While, admittedly, Tower cannot answer all of those questions, it offers a special “Conflict Wizard” that helps make the situation much more understandable:

You can easily see where changes came from and can solve the conflict simply by choosing which version to go with (or jump into a dedicated merge tool). It makes things a lot easier when merge conflicts are visualized in this way, instead of being an abstract mess.

Becoming More Productive

When building and improving Tower, we’re always striving to make things easier for our users – and to make them more productive. Let’s take some examples of where this shows in Tower:

No More Passwords, Tokens, SSH Keys: You can easily connect your GitHub / GitLab / Bitbucket / Azure DevOps accounts with Tower. Once connected, you never have to wrestle with passwords, authentication, tokens, usernames, and SSH Keys anymore. Cloning and interacting with a remote repository, then, is a matter of just a click.

Single-Line Staging & Discarding: There’s a golden rule in version control: when you make a commit, you should only include changes from a single topic (and not mix multiple topics in a commit, thereby making it extremely hard to understand what actually happened). With the ability to stage / unstage / discard individual chunks and lines from your changes, Tower enables you to create granular, precise commits.

A New Diff Viewer: In a very recent update, we gave our internal Diff Viewer a complete overhaul. It now highlights inline changes, allows you to show/hide whitespace changes, can display the complete file, and is completely customizable with themes!

Automations for the Boring Stuff: Tower takes care of much of the grunt work around Git. To take just two examples: neither do you have to regularly fetch new updates from the remote, nor do you have to remember to stage uncommitted changes before pulling/switching branches/merging… Tower does that automatically for you.

When I think about the favorite applications I use myself, they all have some things in common: they make life easier for me, they make me more productive, and they enable me to do advanced stuff that I’d have a hard time doing without them. I’m glad and grateful that many of our users consider Tower to be one of their favorite apps!

If you want to give Tower a try, just download it from our website and test it 30 days for free. And if you are a student or teacher, you can use Tower for free!

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CMD+Z for Git is Here published first on https://deskbysnafu.tumblr.com/

[absofrutely]

Online Persona

At first I was against a voice-activated device with no graphical user interface, a vocal opponent even. It wasn’t until an Amazon Echo Dot device was shipped to my work (addressed to me!) by mistake that I first thought about installing the device in my apartment. Apparently, there was another Andrew Williamson on the 5th floor in my office, but the delivery guy mistakenly delivered the package to the 4th floor, and I wasn’t feeling generous, so I opened up my mystery box.

Setting up the Echo wasn’t seamless. Since the Echo was tied to the other Andrew Williamson’s Amazon account, it wouldn’t activate as the other Andrew reported the device lost or stolen after not receiving it. Amazon support wasn’t any help either since I couldn’t answer any of Andrew’s security questions to unlock his account. They told me that I could ship the device back to Amazon (no) or I could use the device as a paper weight, but it would never be activated as an Amazon Echo. Shocked by the finality of that statement, and tired of all the hoops to jump through, I exchanged the Echo by swapping it out with one that I bought from and returned to Best Buy.

At last, I finished setting up the device. I linked it to my Spotify, ordered a Philips Hue smart light starter kit, got some Belkin WeMo smart electric switches, and splurged on an Alexa-compatible iRobot floor vacuum. I wanted to outfit my apartment with a Nest thermostat and a Nest camera, but my apartment didn’t have a central heating system, and setting up a Nest camera in a studio apartment seemed wasteful. Mainly, I just felt like spending money, and was frustrated that I couldn’t.

I started out easy with the basics, setting a timer, asking Alexa what time it was, and playing “The Luckiest” by Ben Folds on Spotify. Within the Alexa app on my Android phone, I could choose my preferred news source, so I chose NPR. Whenever I asked Alexa what was on the news, it’d feed me the latest NPR headlines. I was pretty impressed. I could see myself listening to the news while I ate my greek yogurt and granola in the morning.

Over the next couple of weeks, interacting with Alexa became more natural, as I frequently asked for the weather before I chose my outfit for the day. Our conversations weren’t much of a dialogue, but more of a one-sided inquisition.

I couldn’t be sure if it was the latest software update or something I had enabled in the app, but for some reason, Alexa started responding to me by name, having recognized my voice. “It’s 9:41pm, Andrew” it would reply. I just assumed that it had some sort of built-in voice training feature that could distinguish my voice. That, or it was possible that Alexa was connected to my Amazon account, which knew my first and last name. Either way, I was taken aback when Alexa addressed me by name.

I asked Alexa, “What does my voice sound like?”

She replied, “What would you like me to say?”

My phone lit up - a notification from Alexa to input my desired text.

Within the Alexa app, I typed in, “Hello, my name is Andrew Williamson, and I’m a proud dog owner.”

After hitting the submit button, I was shocked to hear my own voice. I entered in a couple more paragraphs of nonsense. It was perfect. It captured the nuances of my speech, especially intonations and even my quirky way of pronouncing “scenario” (‘sin-NARH-EE-oh’ instead of ‘sin-NAIR-EE-oh’). My heart rate quickened - it must have been the hundreds of hours of voice training.

That got me thinking - is it possible to reduce a human being to an amalgamation of complex formulas and algorithms? I had always thought my voice was unique, although I hated hearing it in recordings. The voice was one thing, but how about the nuance of a personality, the very thing that made us all human? I thought about how sad it would be if an algorithm could accurately capture the essence of someone’s humanity; either it’d be a really complex formula or a really simple personality.

Though, if something was really able to capture the totality of a human, as best as it could, then we’d be able to live multiple lifetimes if we recreated the world around us in the same simulation. If we were able to insert ourselves into key inflection points within our lifetimes, we could eliminate the what-ifs because we could speed up the simulation to see the 5, 10, 20-year consequences of one decision. A life with no uncertainty, a life that was properly vetted before it was lived. A perfect life with no missteps, no unpredictable traumatic accidents. Not necessarily a pre-determined life, but being informed of a smarter way to live.

On the flip side of things, the model needed to account for everything, including all other human beings, living creatures, inanimate objects, and naturally occurring phenomena, like weather and natural disasters. Without perfect knowledge, a simulation would always be flawed. Informative perhaps, but ultimately flawed.

It dawned on me that someone or some entity might be trying to create a perfect model of the world, especially with so much information being captured nowadays. Nest cameras, Amazon Echos, Google Homes, devices that are always listening, video conferencing, Instagram, Facebook, Skype, Tinder, TikTok, YouTube. The list goes on. More inputs, more information to train a more perfect model, if the information was consolidated and centralized! I wiped a bead of sweat off of my brow carefully, making sure my tinfoil hat stayed put.

Digging deeper in the settings screen of the Alexa app, I enabled the permissions for Alexa to track all types of data inputs that would build a robust model of me. In addition to what Alexa observed organically, I could upload pictures and videos, connect Alexa to Gmail and Facebook to capture all information that lived on those platforms, or manually upload anything else I’d like it to know about me via a CSV file.  

Selfishly, I thought about how I could personally benefit from my online persona. GDPR. The European Union’s General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) was the answer. I thought about my online presence, the different platforms that I’ve used over the years, and the information that they had on me. I’d pose as a European and write into each company asking for a data-subject access request, which compelled each company by law to send me a data dump of all the information they had on me, and I’d upload it to Alexa by sending the file to andrewwilliamson_data@alexa.com much like I could send e-books to my Kindle via a special email address. So easy! I thought.

It was reminiscent of that one Black Mirror episode, “Be Right Back” where a grieving widow created an artificial husband based on his social media profiles and his text message history. The main difference was that I had embellished my artificial likeness with a data dump of all Wikipedia articles written to create a better and smarter me, so to speak.

Alexa was also compatible with an app called If This Then That (IFTTT) which allowed the user to automate certain workflows depending on user-defined triggers. One very basic example was the ability to change the color of my smart lights to violet as soon as I started playing music. Stuff like that. But the app also supported more complex logic that was user-customizable - given that information, I plotted my next move. I had Alexa listen into my work calls and record my screen over the next few months of work. Alexa started learning my day-to-day tasks, the names, voices and faces of the people I worked with, and the different tools that I used to do my job as a Senior DevOps engineer.

One Saturday night, I called my boss tearfully and told him that I was diagnosed with fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva, or FOP, a rare disease that caused muscles, tendons, and ligaments to turn into bone spontaneously. Eventually, my joints would be frozen in place and I’d be completely immobile. At some point, I’d have to choose a body position to spend the rest of my days.

He was speechless, but his normally stoic demeanor eventually broke down. As he choked back tears, he expressed his condolences.

I told him that due to my condition, I’d appreciate the ability to work remotely 100% of the time.

He agreed enthusiastically, promising to support me in any way.

Using IFTTT, I was able to clone instances of my Alexa persona, so I booted up a simulation of myself, but modified some parameters to deteriorate my appearance and gait. For good measure, I multiplied the depression metric by 1.25 and in the preview mode, the pain behind my eyes intensified, while the corners of my mouth curled downwards. A couple gray hairs sprouted up at my temples, the laugh lines turned into gashes, eroded by tears from hundreds of sleepless nights. It’d be perfect.

My voice followed suit, quivering and breaking 50% more than usual. Due to the ossification of my joints, any type of movement would be accompanied by a painful wince and a grunt for effort. No one would be the wiser during my meetings, which were held via video conference. Automating my own job was a success, but I craved more.

I created four more virtual instances of myself, without the debilitating disease, and had them scrape job postings on LinkedIn and Glassdoor, making sure to filter for remote jobs only. Within seven days, I had 125 job offers to choose from, and I booted up 121 more avatars to accept them all.

With income from 126 jobs, including my original DevOps job, I could finally breathe. In the mornings, I woke up at 9:30am, hand-ground some Sumatran coffee, and made some steel cuts oats, the non-quick kind that took 20 minutes to simmer.

Over breakfast, I finished another Murakami short story, called “Tony Takitani,” which was about a Japanese illustrator who fell in love with a woman was addicted to buying dresses but she ends up getting killed in car accident, and the illustrator is left with an empty house full of dresses. His father soon dies after, he forgets what his wife’s face looks like, and he ends up by himself, lonely in a large house.

I had suspected that the story would end that way. That’s the arc that all Murakami stories followed: a passive male protagonist who meets a life-changing female character, there’s some glimpses of hope or happiness, but the main character ends up alone, staring off melancholically into the distance into the sea, usually on an overcast day. No happy endings, and not really much of a resolution. And after finishing each book or short story, I felt lonely as well, not because the story was sad, but perhaps a stark reminder that life isn’t neatly wrapped up when it’s time to close the cover of the book, which the opposite of nearly every book that I had read. The hero gets the girl, a cathartic confession of love, the villain gets caught, the town gets saved, and everyone’s lives are better off than they were before.

To shake off the gloom, I ran along the coast for around an hour until heading back home. After toweling myself off, I checked my email. Scrolling through the hundreds of emails, my eyes widened when I saw an email subject stuck out to me: Congratulations for being nominated for a Pornhub Award: Performer of the Week. The email itself looked legitimate, had no misspellings, hovering over the links took me to the actual website, not lookalike phishing links, and I confirmed that it sent from the actual Pornhub domain.

The category that I was nominated for was “best male solo performance.” My head felt completely numb. I already knew what happened, but couldn’t bear to confirm it. I clicked into the link, and on the screen, I saw my own face staring back at me. “SultryCommando” was the username, and under “Uploads” I saw a list of 37 videos, titled with some of the most click-baity names. I had to watch at least one. I picked “Pizza Delivery Surprise!! WATCH TIL THE END,” which had 2.4 million views.

There was cheesy music and I saw a video of myself in tight cutoff jeans waiting expectantly for a pizza delivery very obviously - I saw my virtual self glance at his watch and tap his foot impatiently, mumbling something about punishing the pizza guy for being late. However I noticed his (my) devilish smile as he uttered those words. Oh god, I thought. Fast forwarding a little bit, the pizza guy finally rang the doorbell. Squinting a little, I quickly realized the pizza guy was still me. There were two of me in the same video and they were about to interact. The simulations must have discovered each other (but how?!) and started working together. I slammed my Macbook shut.

No. But I had to confirm. Flipping open my laptop, I scrolled to the middle of the video, and with much hesitation, the end. After watching two sweaty bodies collide with one another for almost 20 minutes, I felt sick, but also angry and impressed that Alexa was able to infer what my genitals looked like with 90% accuracy.

But my success as a porn star was only one of many accolades I’d receive. Surprisingly, most of the simulations gravitated towards social media influencing, with millions of followers on YouTube, Instagram, and Twitch. Remembering that there were 125 job offers signed, I wondered what happened to all of the legitimate jobs that they had gotten. I did some more digging and found that the simulations outsourced their jobs to another simulation they had written within their own simulation. Of course, the simulations didn’t know they were in actual simulations - or did they? If that was the case, then wasn’t there a high chance that I was a simulation as well, but just one level up?

The money they made funneled all to me and I couldn’t speak to whether or not the simulations had a real consciousness or if they were computer programs designed to optimize an assigned task.

The phone rang, and kept on ringing for the next two hours. I had concerned friends call to tiptoe around the subject of me being a porn star, extended family members who wanted to subtly reintroduce themselves in my life due to my Youtube fame, and my boss, who told me that I was fired for lying to him. I didn’t blame him, as my frail videoconferencing demeanor was a far cry from my virile, dominant, but sometimes flamboyant online persona. That, and he had also probably seen my Alexa-created genitals and couldn’t bear to look me in the eyes anymore.

Amidst the fabulous riches, the crumbling social life, and the unbridled fame that was tainted with a bit of social ostracism and cautious distance from curious and sometimes gawking onlookers, I felt unsettled. I could never live up to the zany online personas of my alter egos, and when someone alluded to a video that I had supposedly created, I’d be puzzled. It was like being mistaken for one of my 125 identical twin (well, not twin) brothers.

I grew anxious and falling asleep became harder and harder. On one particular night, I had a panic attack where it felt like I couldn’t breathe. Doubled over, wheezing, and clutching my chest, I yelled at Alexa to play “PornGrooves Vol. 3” on Spotify to calm me down. As my breathing steadied and my heart rate slowed back down to normal to the beat of the smooth jazz in the background, I wondered where it had all gone wrong.

Truth be told, I didn’t even want an Amazon Echo in the first place, but only set it up because I thought I’d fall behind from a technological perspective if I didn’t step into the world of smart devices. My coworkers talked incessantly about the convenience of their wifi-enabled sous vide cookers, bragged about installing smart locks and the novelty of their Ring doorbells on their front doors, but for me, I went home to an abusive father with an alcohol problem who opened an $18,000 line of credit in my name.

When I spoon-fed him, he’d berate me from his wheelchair and slap the spoon out of my hand, spraying split-pea soup on the linoleum floor. I was used to his fits of rage and his hurtful words: “Idiot. Your lack of ambition was what killed your mother. If you were a better son, she’d still be around.” I brushed him off, long immune to his babbling.  

I wheeled him out for walks first thing in the morning and when I got home, I made sure to take him out again before it got too dark. I’d shampoo his hair as he sat on the plastic lawn chair in the bathtub. He made sure to tell me that I was a piece of shit who wouldn’t ever amount to anything.

My two brothers had broken all ties with Dad years ago, leaving me holding the bag. I should have reported him for identity theft and called the credit bureaus to clear my name. But out of love, I couldn’t.

Out of love, I continued paying the minimum payments for a credit card that I didn’t own, but was technically in my name.

Out of love, I automated my job and ruined my life so I could send him to a proper home where he could get 24 hour care.

Spending money on smart devices was the only thing that I ever did for myself, the closest thing that resembled a hobby - my form of self-care.

Two weeks ago when the paychecks came rolling in, I thought, “We don’t need to live like this anymore.” Excitedly, I went to go tell my father the good news.

He was in his favorite brown easy chair near the window, where he got the most natural light.

“Dad, wake up! We can finally move out of here.”

I took a look at his iPhone that he held in his right hand. The volume was low, but it was still playing one of my Pornhub videos. Realizing that he had found out about me, I took a step back, which was when I saw the empty bottle of sleeping pills in his other hand.

He had told me he didn’t want a funeral, although I doubt anyone would have shown up anyways. I felt numb, not really knowing what to feel. I was heartbroken that he was gone, but guiltily at the same time, relieved by the absence of his toxic control over me. I wanted so badly to hit a reset switch.

A month later, I moved out of that apartment and bought a modest house down the street instead. This time, I bought a Ring doorbell and some Nest smart cameras.

One Sunday afternoon, the Ring app on my phone sent me a notification that someone was at my door. Opening the door, I stared down into the face of my father, who was still in a wheelchair.

“Andrew, you said you’d always take care of me!” he croaked.

Speechless, I took a step back into my home. I looked down, expecting to see the new hardwood that I spent days installing, but instead saw the yellowing linoleum of my old apartment kitchen. It was my old apartment again, furnished just the way I had left it. Before I moved out, I told the landlord to donate everything. To get my security deposit back, I even did a walk-out with him when the apartment was empty!

There was no way. I had seen my father’s casket lowered down into the earth.

Frantically, I checked my phone. The Alexa was app was gone. I searched on Google for Amazon Alexa. Zero results. I scoured my apartment for any smart devices. Nothing. Alexa didn’t exist in this plane of existence.

I lunged for my kitchen knife, but it disappeared right before I could grasp it. In one motion, I opened my window and leapt through the screen, but there was no free fall. I found myself crumpled into a heap back on my kitchen floor. 

Someone was toying with my life. Free will and choice was an illusion. This was some Harlan Ellison shit. For reasons why I couldn’t understand, perhaps for someone’s sick enjoyment, I was destined to spend the rest of my days spoon-feeding my father in a dingy apartment. Maybe I went off the rails in someone else’s simulation. Wasn’t serving my purpose and they had to set me back on course. 

That night, when I was bathing my father, I couldn’t remember much of anything anymore.

What was I thinking about again? This was normal. In fact, my life couldn’t be more perfect.

[mr-katari]

Is Agile Dead?

I’m in the IT services industry, specifically serving the federal government, and have often scratched my head at the general productization of Agile, variants of Agile, Lean, etc. Within the services market I specifically serve the federal sector who is always last to adopt anything. While It can be said that the Agile S-curve is at a saturation point it doesn’t hold true when looking at the public sector. The concern I have is the amount of money that is being spent on a product that has hit or exceeded its saturation point (in this case Agile).

To me Agile is dead but not from a value standpoint. I think it died when it became a product and less of a mindset (I slightly hate this term because of its flowery context). I believe many of the problems contributing to the death of agile stems from the fact that now as a product, lexicon and rigid process framework it is difficult and expensive to adopt. As a “consultant” who makes a living off of providing transformation services to the federal market place I cringe everyday at the transformation work being done. The value is in the mindset and manifesto yet we preach that this value can’t be realized without some new framework and it’s shiny certifications. Give me a team of talented and motivated individuals and I could implement the manifesto using a waterfall approach and deliver successfully. In fact this has been done plenty of times.

The products that enable that mindset and manifesto will continue to “crest and crash” over time. The fall of scrum gave rise to Kanban and so on and so on. As responsible service providers, particularly in the public sector, we need to boost our efforts to drive our clients adoption of the mindset without worrying about the products they adopt. I think doing so will enable them to be agnostic and can continuously change as new “products” enter the market. Yesterday it was Waterfall, after yesterday it was Agile, today it’s SAFe, after today its DevOps, tomorrow its <insert adverb/adjective>Agile. Any organization committed to continuous improvement should be free to learn, learn from and grow.

http://vitalitychicago.com/blog/reports-death-agile-have-been-greatly-exaggerated

[louisoquo117-blog]

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My manager found out about a SaaS I am ready to lauch - I told him during hiring process about 4 months ago to make sure no IP issues, contract didn't have any clauses to concern me.He asked me last week to explain a bit about the project and when I did he said he'd be interested in bringing it up to other management and see if we could use it at work as it would be very helpful for us. I've been building this product for 15 months now so long before I joined the company.My issue comes in that my product is one where downtime could cause potential risk to the DevOps side of things - niche the tool is in.I would hate to have them as a customer and the service go down while I am at my day job.What do I do about this? Do I take them on as a customer or do I say no thanks? If I take them on as a customer how do I make sure it's good for everyone?I'm in Ontario Canada as far as legal goes and it's registered as a federal corporation.