#I have to rewrite a chunk of it which is why I’ve taken a break

[fixated-on-something]

I’ll read things sometimes and go “They’re so much better at writing than me… I’ll never get to that level”

And then I realize that they’re twice my age. I can get to that level. It just takes time and practice

[popculturebuffet]

The Legend of the Three Caballeros: World Tree Caballeros and No Man is an Easter Island  aka Whelp, Xandra Sucks Now.

Salduos Amigos! We’re back.. and today we have two Cabs episodes.. because the top 20 of 2020 list last week took a day longer than expected, so that meant I had a day of my schedule go thbbt and thus had to compress a bit, like the darkwing reviews i’ve done but not NEARLY as much. And if this works out I intend to do more cabs 2 or evne 3 in ones in the future to help speed along the finale. Still giving Kev his 55 bucks worth mind you, just speeding it up a bit in case anything comes back, and because I have a lot of double and triple reviews coming in Feburary due to a very tight schedule, so might as well train for it now.So with that in mind, WELCOME BACK TO THE RIDE OF THE THREE CABLLEROS, and the legend of the three cablleros. I can fit in what little exposition there is on the way, so on with the show after the cut!

World-Tree Caballeros:  We pick up where we left off last time: Sheldgoose and co are returning to earth, and it’s been a few weeks, in story time, with Sheldgoose exausted and hungry and Feldrake.. not exactly getting that minons need food to live and wanting to jump right into destroying the Caballeros since their right next door.  And while ignoring his minon’s basic needs is just.. dumb, I do appricate that Felldrake is the kind of villian who dosen’t stupidly not attack the heroes if he knows where they are and does try blasting them, with Sheldgoose in his cloak of course to avoid any deniablility. I mean Sheldgoose is impossibly wealthy and in disguise here. No court is going to convict him. But there is a reasonable explination why they can’t do that: since Clinton wasn’t stupid he put up magical protections over the Cabana and while Feldrake COULD break them.. he can’t do it with as little power as he currently has in the staff and has an idea where to get it. But Leopold’s bushed from taking them all the way back from space, to Feldrake’s disapointment so Sheldgoose.. simply offers up his private plane, then uses his mass wealth to get them all the way to their destination the World Tree... yes the NORSE World Tree... in italy. 

Yeah you can probably tell there were some rewrites here. This ep, given it features Yddrasil, was SUPPOSED to be about the Norse gods.. but Marvel didn’t want “brand confusion” with  THE MIGHTY THOR!

Which originally I scoffed at a bit. Mostly because why would you, Disney, one of the biggest brands in the world NOT want a potetinal crossover with your other properties? I mean .. is this why we haven’t had mickey and friends in avengers costumes yet? If so... BOOOO. Why would you buy Marvel without this ever happening? You put fucking light sabers in kickin it, one of your lesser live action shows though olivia holt is neat and Rudy was alright, but... you won’t put MIGHTY THOR, in a donald duck series? Especially since you already used marvel in one of your shows?

The cat is out of the bag.. just let crossovers happen dude. Your not giving us any decent marvel animated series, and only What If is on the docket for now the future. WHy not? I wasn’t the fondest of the idea at first but then I realized “Wait this could be awesome and rediculous”. And again you’ve already hit a low bar for using this stuff.. just use it.  That being said, while we’ll get to it in a moment.. I do get WHY they didn’t let them use the norse gods... possibly.. but it does seem like they really dot’ like crossing the streams character wise and that bothers me it bothers me a lot. 

So yeah the world tree is in the snow capped mountains of italy.. which they might have so touche, and the montage of Sheldgoose getting there is great as is Feldrake’s reaction of “Eh i’ts no leopold”. Aw he loves his monkeybatdonkeyrat. So they open the entrance and prepare to go up the massive flight of stairs... only for Sheldgoose to point out the elevator. Which they take instead. I will say Feldrake’s characteriztation.. slipped a bit in these two. It’ snot bad, he’s by now supposed to be someone who WAS so powerful, they don’t get the concept of finesse and it works better next episode.. but hear a good chunk of the episode is just Feldrake shoutng at Sheldgoose and complaning a lot and even at one point tripping over himself with his own stupidity. We’ll get to that. Point is it’s a bit of a step down from last episode but as a result Sheldgoose gets to shine a bit more with Wayne Knight getting more lines to really go full newman and become a smug yet clever jackass. SO it’s a trade off I guess and it does ballance out next time. 

So back at the Cabs Cabana, our heroes are having pop corn fights, which Xandra joins in on... this was the intro but I put it here...

Point is next time we see them our heroes are all cataloging everything with the girls help, including a positivity totem, this generation’s talky toster. Xandra gets enraptured with a phone but gets defensive when being called out of date and mocked by the girls. This is SUPPPOSED to set up a character arc for her and I was excited for Xandra to get an episode but we’ll get to that disappointment soon enough. The point is our team gets the call to adventure. And Xandra’s excited because the roman gods, old friends of hers are at the world tree. The Roman Gods are what the planets are named after and are mushed together with the greek gods for reasons I didn’t have time to look into. This review is late as is. Point is they don’t get used as much likely because of the planet thing and the greek gods having a wider range of gods at that with better names. I mean Hades just.. sounds more godly than Pluto. Posiden sounds just as badass as Neptune if not more and Jupiter just dosen’t have hte same wring Zeus was.  But for today the only Roman Gods present are Jupiter, Venus and Mars, stand ins for Odin, Frigg and THE MIGHTY THOR respectively in this case but still drawn uniquely. She’s excited to show the boys them and ports them. THIS TIME, the port isn’t you know, stupidly placed and the desert thing seems to have been a one off fluke, and easily could’ve been where a city WAS, but again that could’ve been mentioned. Here it’s just at the foot of the stairs which while inconvient, as Xandra didn’t know about the elvator and Panchito gets on it without thinking to tell the other two who are forced to climb, makes sense: it’s risky to have a direct port to a giant tree that grows planets. Which is also awesome. In the wrong hands the raw power of a tiny planet could be devistating, or someone could make their own galaxy with them as god emeprror if given enough time. Which if you know about the world tree and somehow manage to steal enough planets to make a galaxy of your own without getting caught, you clearly will surivive the eons needed for it.. or could just time speed it up. Point is this place is out of the way for a reason this time, elevator or no.  So then we meet the ROMAN GODS... and they’ve not only clearly aged, but have given up fighting for gardening, with Mars being a decript old man who can’t remember xandra’s name, which given she heavily implies they were a thing is not great, and goes on and on about Tubers. Yeahhhh... I can’t exactly blame marvel for NOT wanting one of their biggest characters depiected as a doddering old man obssed with potatoes. LIke the brand confusion thing is still stupid, I want MIckey, Donald and Goofy as Cap, Iron Man and Hulk yesterday you cowards..., but thinking this would be confusing for kids or would hurt the character a bit? yeah fair enough, a bit paranoid but understandable given Marvel is the backbone of the company these days and at this point, had been massively sucessful with avengers and everything. So I do get it even if I don’t get shifting the setting from the world tree, and suspect there they had to rework the episode during production. 

So we not only meet our gods.. and the reason this isn’t the best episode. It’s not the worst, we’ll get there in a moment, but it’s not very good. And the reason... is Xandra. Her reaction to the gods being out of shape and old and retired, tending to the tree and not really fighting or doing hero stuff anymore is to get upset and wonder how her friends and as we learn later inspiration fell this low. That’d be fine and somewhat intresting. Problem is.. the Gods explain they quit after the titan wars which gave Mars some VERY obvious PTSD tha’ts VERY uncomfortably played for laughs. Look in comedy you can joke about just about anything, that’s the nature of it. But there are some things you REALLY need to tread carefully with. Now Family Guy, and this is late seasons “race jokes and shock humor” family guy mind you, somehow got this with Quagmire having ptsd in one episode where the show was set in diffrent time periods... due to hearing fortunate son over and over in vietnam.

This is actually funny, parodies something else, paticually overblown namsplotation in media and overuse of a great song that really dosen’t need to be used ALL the time in everything. This.. is just “HA he’s rattled because he was in a presumibly bloody war wand given ther’es only four gods left, we see one next episode, they probably all died.. and if they are still alive reincarnated.”. It’s just.. uncomfortable and if this bit was taken out, the episode wouldn’t be great, but it wouldn’t be as odious and Xandra HORRIBLY unsympathetic. It’s not helped by the fact that even without the ptsd.. the gods just watn’t to semi retire. They haven’t given up their duty, their still tending to the world tree.. they just dont’ want to fight or quest anymore because they were in a possibly centuries long bloody war that dwinlded their numbers and clearly left mental scars. Xandra comes off like an insenstive ass for putting her old version of them over the new and while the moral’s SUPPOSED TO BE that she shouldn’t cling to the past and had it simply beeen about her realizing she has to let them be who they are now, it would’ve worked.. instead it’s just “You guys suck because you won’t traumatize yourself more. “. The worst they do is hide under a table instead of fight and again, it’s very clear at least one of them if not all have PTSD. The only thing that keeps this from being truly awful is I genuinely don’t think the writers thought out the implicatoins of Mars line, which while still not a great train of thought to have modern writers not get that, it’s better than nothing. It just sinks the entire episode as i’ts emotional core.. comes off as a snotty teenager forcing some old people into combat and getting rewarded for it.  The other side of the plot is not half bad though. The boys catch Feldrake and Sheldgoose trying to steal the planet, with Feldrake enlarging a bunch of termites we’ve been seeing so far in the episode to attack the cabs. But what really shines is the Cabs. They work well as a team, have camradere, face Sheldgoose with no fear and while they do run from the termites, which look HORRIFYING by the way, and then come up with the hairbrained but still not half bad scheme of covering donald and wood and using him as bait. This ends up working since Xandra rallies/guilttrips the gods into ignoring their ptsd and fighting anyway. I mean “Heroically helping them realize they stil have fight and fighting like the heroes she looked up to”... and then we get the climax which is just awesome.  Sheldgoose and Feldrake get the planet afterall raining metors down so while the Roman gods take those out, Xandra calls on the guys to distfract Sheldgoose and Feldrake so she can snipe the planet out of his hands. How do they do this? Juipiter fast ball specials them up to the asteroid he’s on! If your wondering what a Fast Ball special is.. you’ve certianly seen it but here’s a practical demonstration. 

So yeah that. OUr heroes take it in stride though and awesomely use how much Sheldgoose is irritate dby them to distract him by basically playing whack a mole, so he slowly destroys the ground bellow him, and Xandra snipes him, sapping him of his new god-tier power up and causing his platform to crumble, with the boys escaping falling to earth like the two of them thanks to jose hooking the tree with his cain. As I said this episode shows how far the boys have come: from greedy idiots who were scared.. to true heroes ready to step up, running away when tactically advantageous and easily taking on the main villians and coming up with a plan to beat them on the fly. That.. is what I wanted going into the show and if nothing else this episode gives me that. Also the girls talked to xandra earlier and I missed it. Eh. We do get a nice moment though of the boys telling Xandra she does fit in.. with them. And really as far as i’m concerned she’s one of the cabs, so I like this moment a lot.. I just wish it didn’t ring so hollow with everything else going on.  Overall this ep is okay.. it has it’s moments but the Xandra side of thing just.. drains a lot of the life out of it. What COULD’VE been a solid character building episode makes her come off as a selfish, impatient insenstive asshole who’s trying to crowbar the past in instead of accepting her friends as who they’ve become in the centuries she’s been gone, though Sheldgoose and the boys do keep this from being awful. SPEAKING OF AWFUL. 

No Man is an Easter Island: 

This.. was a rough one. Not going to sugarcoat it. This episode was not very good despite some good segments and despite not mocking a serious mental issue, it’s somehow more obnoxious. The PTSD thing was clearly a mistake.. this.. this was intentional. Let’s tear this one apart shall we? So we open with Sheldgoose and Feldrake where they were last time, Easter Island. It turns out in this unvierse hte moai are actually giant stone men and their heads are the only things visable because the rest of hteir body is undreground, stomping out surfer dude lava lizards who want to come to the surface and burn it. Feldrake.. decides this is a great idea and agrees to help, as does sheldgoose. 

Seriously Feldrake wants to CONQUER the world. In fact he did it once already. We’re not talking about someone like say Negaduck, who I talked about earlier this week: while he MIGHT conquer, he gets just as much joy out of mindless violence and would gladly blow up the world him and all just for the hell of it. Feldrake is your classic evil overloard and wants to RULE the world not destroy it and wouldn’t be happy without something to lord over and terrorize. And Sheldgoose wants the same and is presumibly sticking around to backstab his ancestor at the first opportunity to steal his power for his own. How does setting the world on fire, literally, benefit either of them? Sure they COULD take over int he aftermath, but that’s after the lizards have likely destroyed most of the world, not even taking into account the vast amount of water and infastructure and the size of their home means they’ll run out of troops to use as a living bridge, cool as that is, eventually. Humans would have to invent ways to transport them and given as far as I know we have a through understnading of lava and magma, we’d instead be working on weapons. The lizards woul dmake a good army under the right leadership to sidestep this.. but as a world ending threat while they’d still cause untold damage in lives and suffering, I just don’t see them being enough to conquer the world. It just makes no sense.  The one thing that salvages it and this episode is what happens next, which i’m skipping ahead to because it’s my blog and I do this how I want: Feldrake TRIES just shooting the moai with his magic.. but the one he tries it on just has it harmlessly bounce off.. which given their dealing with magical fire creatures makes sense. So Sheldgoose instead steps in to Feldrake’s reluctance.. and shows his own talents. As a university head and professional asshole, he can manipulate with the best and talks the moai’s into taking a vacatoin, using the staff to hyponotize them so they don’t think about the downsides. It’s.. really fucking awesome honestly, and shows off that Sheldgoose is like the boys: a comical moron yes.. but VERY dangerous in the right cirucmastances. While he did use his great great great grampa’s magic for this a bit with the hypnosis, it’s his manpulations that MAADE the hypnosis work: by giving the moai something they WANT, a vacatoin and a break from a thankfless job, it means they aren’t acitvely trying to break his control no matter what happens and he and Feldrake can focus on freeing the lizards. And on top of that.. Wayne Knight gets one HELL of a musical number, sing talking to the beat as he manipulates and hypnotizes the moai and encourages their partying. While the main plan is dumb the plan to get there is just glorious to watch and Sheldgoose’s finest hour thus far and again we get to hear wayne knight SING. Kinda. And I will not trade that for anything. 

So what are the Cabs up during this? hanging out, playing cards and doing friend stuff like Panchito doing a dive and them catching him. Jose claims nothing could split us up.. and cue Daisy. 

It.. it’d been so nice without her. And you may recall last time she showed up while I didn’t like her or her actions or how it was written.. she was at least KINDA tolerable. Still a total bitch but you know she MIGHT have had a point and we might learn more about her history with donald. 

Yeah this episode cements that this Daisy is awful and Donald is better off without her. She shows up because the girls talked Donald up, beause their angels.. and also because they apparently live with him now? Like.. don’t Daisy, who dosen’t think Donald’s responsible or their parents, whoever the hell they are, have.. issues with them suddenly living with three 30 something men and an xty hear old Goddess. I mean.. that sould raise a few thousand flags, but frankly at this point if your wondering why a child is living iwth a disney character instead of your parents their probably dead or on the moon. That’s not the problem here.  No the problem her is again, somehow twice in a row, Xandra. After great introductions to both the boys to daisy, Jose flirts and Panchito shakes her hand a bit too hard, same as it ever was, Donald TRIES to bring up being a cabllero.. and Xandra prevents him then explains outside after the girls smooth things over why: telling daisy would bring her into his world and all the dangers with it.....

I HATE this trope. I hate it so fucking much. See i’m a superhero guy. I’ve made no attempt to hide this. So you can imagine the number of times i’ve seen a hero hide their ID and use this fucking excuse “They’ll get hurt if they know” or “it’s too much of a risk” or “blah blah blah bullshit reason for not telling my partner the truth”.  Now i’m not saying the secret idtentity or having some sort of secret world saving thing are bad tropes. They are valid stories for a reason. Sometimes you CAN’T: Peter Parker didn’t tell Aunt May because she had a weak heart, Thor dind’t tell jane foster because his dad was a dick who’d go after her any time he tried and when he finally did.. still did shit to break them up. Because Odin is an asshole. Ms. Marvel didn’t tell her parents because she thought they’d stop her and when her dad found out, if sadly breifly, you can guess what happen. Miles Morales didn’t because he was terrified he’d be homeless as his dad HATED mutants, which he thought he was and wasn’t fond of viglantes, and to make matters worse his mother later DIED, she got better as of secret wars, in a spider-man fight, if not thanks to him obviously, so when Miles DID tell him Jefferson abandoned him for months. He’s gotten FAR better since then and really grown as a person, but my point stands: I’ts okay to hide your id at first to protect yourself as a hero: it’s okay to want to make sure a partner dosen’t out you to the press or something and is stable and loving enough before you tell htem. And it’s okay to not tell them something if htey probably wont’ belivie it or might not be prepared just yet. Now if they have some reason to hate the other you you should probably either tell them and see what happens or explain things, like Peter should’ve tried explaning what happened with Gwen’s dad to her, or break it off for their own good, which will devistate them, but is better than lying to them.  And that’s the problem: As Wonder WOman said in a shockingly obnoxious movie, “Nothing good comes from lies”.. and while groosly oversimplified.. is not wrong here. Nothing good comes from lying to your partner day in and day out. I’ts why more modern works have deconscruted it: Miles, again, had a girlfriend named Barbra, but the recent run broke them up.. however they did so cleverly by having Miles refuse to tell her his id despite her having figured it out and her leaving him for hiding stuff from her. That’s what would REALLY happen. A long term partner isn’t going to tolerate you LYING to them and ducking out constnatly to save the world. Eventually you either have to let them go or try and tell them. I’ve been in barely any relationships but I was ALWAYS honest because again, nothing good comes from lying to your partner. Nothing good comes from deciving them and basically gaslighting them for “their own good”. If their with you and your an adventuer, super hero or what have you.. their in danger. So either don’t date them and find someone your speed like another hero or some mythical being, or TELL THEM and let THEM decide if it’s too much. This kind of bullshit is manipulative, cruel and selfish and I thought we’d settled it. 

And while Donald was intending to tell Daisy to impress her, a bad reason i’ll admit... he was trying to be honest. But the EPISODE tries to portray it as a good thing and as him being noble. It isn’t. He’s listneing to a bad person, who has to EARN my good will back after this, whose only in it for herself. No really she only has the two go out because she’s tired of donald pining for daisy. 

I mean i’ts been a month, and the girls are around but she hasn’t come up once during the last few episodes. So this comes out of nowhere and makes Xandra into a selfish jackass who is willing to send her friend off to lie to his partner with NO cover story for his actions to make him look good just to shut him up. This is someone who need I remind you can travel the world in an instant and knows a lot of magical beings who’d understand donald’s line of work. Instead of setting him up with one of them and abandoning daisy she sets up a doomed relationship. Oh and she and the boys whine about being bored without donald. Fuck off.. not you josea nd panchito, while extra dumb this episode the boys just genuinely miss their best friend and it’s endearing. Xandra though.. she can fuck off. As mentioned Daisy is not much better, and spends the date grilling donald about what he does , as AGAIN, XANDRA GAVE HIM NO COVER STORY OR JOB OR ANYTHING. Now granted she’s hundreds of years old, so she probably wouldn’t have a good one anyway... but she’s the one who INSISTs ON IT BEING A SECRET. And as the girls have shown, again knowing that secret does not hurt. Their mission control, Daisy could be too. Worst she could want is to JOIN them and given the boys started with no experince and are now certified ass kickers... why can’t she be one too? It feels less like Xandra looking out for Daisy and more that Xandra just dosen’t wnat her in her club.. which fair but still.  The point is Daisy still treats donald as shifty and worthless, despite no evidence to this as whiel he has his faults doing nothing is not worth them and even says when he tries to spin it as “helping those in need”  “How can you help other people if you can’t help yourself?”

I mean it’d be something to ponder and a great thesis statment.. in another story. Or even in this one.. if it’d been set up that Donald had been irresponsible. Someone willing to abandon others, prone to anger and a bit of a goofus, all true. But it really says how little you think of him Daisy that you can’t even picture him helping people and assume it’s some excuse. That you clearly hate your ex so much, clearly think of him as so much less than you that youc an’t FATHOM he’s doing good stuff and only think he’s gottne better when he pampers you with fizzy water, though it nicely has scrogoe on the bottle so good little nod there, and lobster. Seriously she dosen’t turn around till the girls, dressing up as a waiter , offer that. I..can’t fathom why we’re supposed to root for this relationship between a flawed but hardworking person.. and his ex partner who STILL never apologized for the brithday thing despite his FUCKING HOUSE BURNING DOWN, i.e. e the THING HE WAS TRYING TO EXPLAIN, and then spends dinner doubting he’s doing anything with his life, distruting both him and his nieces. 

And.. it gets worse. Yes.. yes it somehow gets worse. No foolin. So the bell is sound and Xandra FORCIBLY ABDUCTS DONALD FROM THE DATE SHE TOLD HIM TO GO ON. And both come out really bad, if worse on Xandra’s end by a mile. Donald is refusing to go help save the world or whatever for a date with someone that DOES NOT appricate him and only accepts bribes. Tha’ts a dick move even if he dosen’t realize he’s in an abusive relationship to put getting laid over the world’s saftey.  That being said.. Xandra STILL comes off worse. Despite having the moral high ground.. Xandra dosen’t KNOW what the threat is, or if they really need him, drags him out, dosne’t let him explain to daisy, and then barely lets him go back when it seems it’s just a party. Then drags him back AGAIN when their backs are against the wall without feeding daisy an explination or really caring she broke things up just halfheartdly saying she’ll forgive him and Donald saying “You don’t know daisy”. None of them come off well. Again the boys only aren’t loathsomebecause their oblivoius and just want their best friend back. If the other episode hadn’t already damaged Xandra enough i’m DEEPLY worried she won’t be able to walk this one back. Daisy certainly fucking won’t. 

So yeah our heros deal with the moai and the lava lizards, as the boys fail to get the moai to go back to their job and the lizards unleash their wonderfuly weird queen who rides a bridge of them to the mainland.. fucking love that. When things get dire Xandra does aformentioned forcing donald to come back without actually helping him with daisy or just TELLING HER AND OH MY GOD LET’S JUST MOVE ON. Fuck this episode is aggravating me. 

We do get a nice bit where donald’s angry dance inspires the moai to imitate it.. and thus stomps out the laval lizards and gives our heroes an opening, and Donald DOES prove his worth by having the moai do the belly flop from earlier to stop the queen, causing the rest of the lizards to flee and our heroes to win. Yay.. I guess. Donald goes back to find Daisy gone. 

He dosen’t see it that way and the girls say while he’s still a mess, what he did was noble. that sucks, and they leave him a massive bill instead of paying for it with their tips because their the ones who brought in the fancy food to ply their aunt. Fuck. this. episode.  Final Thoughts for This one: I belivie I said FUCK THIS EPISODE. It had it’s moments, the musical number, the moai beach party, my boys.. but the sheer obnoxiousness, cliche plot that has been throughly shredded for good reason and isn’t in use anymore about secret lives, and Daisy, Xandra and to a very lesser Extent Donald all being deeply unlikable. This episode is just REALLY fucking bad. HOpefully the series gets back on it’s feet next time. Until the next rainbow.. I really need a frigging gatorade. I.. I don’t drink booze. This is one of those times I wish I did. Goodnight everybody. 

[ravenforce]

Ithaca Pt. 4

Word Count: 4176

Warning/s: None, except Steve and Val’s kind of a bitch.

A/N: OMG. I’m so sorry I’ve been posting chapters in long intervals but rest assured I’m working on this. I just sometimes write a block of text and hates it on the proofreading phase. So I would end up scraping a chunk of the fic and rewriting it. If you guys, wants to be tagged on this fic, just let me know. And let me know what you think, as always.

PS. If there are any grammatical mistakes I’ve still overlooked, I apologize.

Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 5 

***

It was dark outside when you arrived at your shared apartment with your schoolbag slung against your shoulder and a box of groceries in your arms. Your class finished around five in the afternoon. You didn’t mean to be out late but you figured it’s better to get acquainted with the town now rather than later when you’re swamped with school work.

“Welcome home,” Maria greeted as she emerged to the living room with wet hair, and only wearing an oversized shirt and underwear.

You tried not to flush at the sight of your best friend’s long legs but you’re only human, and you’ll have to be an idiot not to appreciate such a beauty like Maria. Maria noticed the pink on your cheeks before you could decide to duck your head and go about fixing your haul on the cupboards in the kitchen.

“How’s your first day?” Maria asked after purposefully jumping on the counter next to you.

You’ve known Maria all your life. Even after she got adopted, the two of you kept in touch regularly. So when you caught the glint on her eye, and you saw the mischievous smirk on her lips, you knew exactly what she’s doing.

“It’s intense. Your friends are intense,” you answered as you continue the task at hand. “How about you? How’s your day?”

Maria just shrugged as she watches you finish putting the last of the groceries away. You cocked an eyebrow in her direction. You thought Maria might not be in the sharing mood. So you let it go and is about to pass her to go shower when she stopped you with a hand on the back of your shirt.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to sharing you,” she answered seriously.

You turned on your heel to face her and situate yourself between her dangling legs on the counter. You put your hands on either side of her thigh as you look up in her eyes. Maria didn’t mean to gulp but suddenly her mouth has become very dry.

“Sharing is caring, bubba,” you said before a laugh crawled its way up to your throat and ruining the moment.

Maria rolled her eyes playfully at you. She’s secretly glad that after everything that happened in your life, you manage to maintain your sense of humor. Before she can come up with a retort though, she was surprised when you pulled her by the collar of her huge shirt.

“What the?” Maria yelped.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, young lady,” you said seriously, voice an octave lower than your normal speaking voice. Maria shivered.

“Y/N,” she whispered.

You smiled before pecking her lips and walking away to shower.

“Coward!” Maria whined.

You left the door of the shower open, making your laugh heard all over the apartment.

***

A week has passed since you officially started school, again. A week since you’re officially adopted by the Avengers, making you instantly one of the popular kids. Being exceptional at a very young age, and having been the youngest Stark Industries intern in history (Tony not counted, as he’s technically the heir), you’re used to the limelight but it doesn’t mean you enjoy it.

The Avengers is a pact full of next-level popular kids. Tony Stark, the Odinsons brothers Thor and Loki, Natasha, and Steve are descendants of the families that founded Ithaca. Carol and Valkyrie are both soccer varsity players, while Clint’s an Olympic archer. Wanda’s top psychology student and founder of the school’s peer counseling group, and Maria’s one of the leading tech student and captain of the school’s self-defense club. So it goes without saying that every eye is on them anywhere they go, and walking alongside these kids somehow makes you feel a little vulnerable, seen, exposed. 

Thankfully, your schedule is packed between classes, volunteering in the library, and a job in one of the small clubs downtown. You mostly interact with them over breakfast (since apparently, it’s a long-standing tradition between the group), then lunch break, and free periods. It’s not that you don’t like their company, you actually really do enjoy being around them. Most of them are really funny, too.

It’s their fans that you’re not very fond of because they tend to be loud, trying-hard, and downright obnoxious sometimes. They don’t seem particularly taken to you too. Some of them threw you dirty looks in the cafeteria or whisper when you pass them along the hallway. You’re not really bothered by any of it though. You can understand the animosity towards a stranger who coveted the position everyone was vying for - being friends with the Avengers. 

“Hey! Earth to Y/N,” Tony snapped his fingers in front of your face. 

You had to blink twice to bring yourself back to the present. You remembered you’re actually sitting on the Avengers’ usual spot at Starbucks for breakfast. You took a quick sweep of the table, everyone was present, and all eyes are on you. 

“Are you alright, Y/N?” Carol asked as she places her hand on your arm. 

You saw Nat’s eye twitch at the contact but you ignored it. You turned your head to regard Carol. 

“I’m good. Just tired,” you answered. 

“I understand not being able to sit still and doing nothing but I think working at the club every other night is overdoing it,” Natasha said with her signature poker face but voice dripping with hidden concern.

You couldn’t help the small smile on your face. “I need the money,” you tried to argue. 

“For what? You’re on full scholarship, you paid your half of the rent for the whole year before you moved here, and your patents and investments are paying dividends monthly,” Maria shuts you down. 

You opened and close your mouth to say something but you didn’t know what to say exactly.

“Hill - 1, Y/L/N - 0,” Loki teased, which made Tony laugh so hard he almost fell off his chair.

You pouted. Wanda poked your nose.

“Don’t pout, little one. We’re only looking out for you,” she said before kissing your cheeks. By now, you’re used to Wanda always touching you, always being affectionate. A week and you understood, her love language is touch. So, you allow yourself to enjoy it even for a little bit. You wouldn’t be caught admitting that these kids are growing on you though.

You deepen the pout, which earned a hearty chuckle from Wanda.

“Fine,” you groaned dramatically. “I’ll ask my manager to give me less shift.”

“Good. You need to learn how to be a young adult again,” Thor said before glancing at his watch then standing up and rounding the table to kiss the top of your head. 

Tony bolted up and sat ramrod straight on his chair. He has a wicked smile on his face. 

‘Oh, no’, you thought to yourself. 

“Agreed,” he said carefully. Smile growing by the minute. “That’s why I’m throwing a party in your honor on Friday.”

You groaned while everyone approved and cheered. 

***

A month later.

A month is how long it took for the Avengers to finally settle on a which weekend works for everybody. It was quite hilarious to watch everyone get frustrated because of a party. Little did you know Natasha and Carol’s a little more aggravated than the others because they’re still not any closer to cracking the mystery that is you. Nat and Carol are a little angst too, to say the least, that you’re closer to Thor and Wanda than you are with them.

On your part, you weren’t favoring a pair over another. It just so happened that Thor has really taken to you, and has been helping you get acquainted with the town whenever Tony or Maria isn’t available to do so. He also volunteered to be your fitness partner by taking you jogging around town or going to the gym after class. He has become somewhat the big brother figure you never had, even though you’re almost the same age.

Wanda, on the other hand, is not the type of girl you usually hang out with. All your life, Maria’s the only other girl who’s really close enough to you to drag you outdoors but Maria likes outdoor activities such as paintball and laser tag, hiking, paragliding, and free diving. Wanda, on the other hand, likes going shopping, going to movies, as well as getting massages and pampering treatments at the spa. Usually, you loathe being dragged to do girly activities but you’ve grown to love Wanda’s company enough to let her. She’s cute, smart, funny, and warm.

“Nat, stop tapping your foot. She’ll be here,” Clint teased mildly.

“Why is she still not here?” Carol who’s sitting on the other side of the table interrupted. Clint just had to chuckle at how the two are so much alike than they cared to admit.

“She’ll be here,” Thor said behind the bar after fixing Nat’s drink. Nat nodded at him thankfully before taking a sip of her vodka.

“Are you sure you gave her the right address?” Carol asked while pacing behind Natasha.

Clint and Thor looked at each other at Carol’s accusatory tone. Natasha’s knuckles are turning white as she grips the glass tighter. Loki raised an eyebrow at his brother, silently asking him to diffuse the situation. They worked so hard to get everyone free on the exact same day, and to get the party sorted out, only for these two to blow up at each other face just because they’re pining for the same girl for the first time.

“Relax ladies,” Tony who was silently standing on the balcony and watching the other party-goers by the pool below. “She’s here.”

Carol and Natasha are instantly beside Tony and scanning the crowd for you.

***

You didn’t intend to be late but you had to make sure you got all your homework’s done before going out, so you wouldn’t have to worry about it at and after the party. There’s also the case of not knowing what to wear to such a high profile party. You were sure, half if not the whole school, will be in attendance. Then there’s the case of you initially refusing everyone who offered to pick you up because you didn’t want the extra special treatment.

Then you made a mistake of not taking the cab to the estate because you were saving money, only to realize that there’s no bus stop in the executive part of town because rich kids have their own cars to drive to school. So, you had to walk for a good fifteen minutes before reaching the Starks. It wasn’t hard to find, the industrial designed mansion stood in contrast to the row of classic cul-de-sacs.

You were right, the house is filled with so many people, some are spilling out of the streets. Everyone was so absorbed in the music, dancing, and drinking that you were able to move around covertly. You were able to get inside the house and out on the garden and the pool area without seeing any of your friends along the way. Standing by the side of the pool and about to reach on the inside pocket of your leather jacket to call Tony, when you looked up at the man himself looking back at you with Natasha and Carol. Tony waved, while the two ladies merely gaped as you walk to enter the side of the house they’re in.

***

Tony turned away from the balcony. 

“Close your mouth ladies, it’s unbecoming,” Tony said teasingly before meeting you at the top of the staircase. He immediately engulfed you in a one-arm hug. 

“Finally!” everyone shouts when they saw you.

You smiled at your new friends before noting that the noise from outside is muffled. ‘Soundproof,’ you thought.

“Sorry, I’m late,” you said before walking with Tony at the table.

Most of them assured you it was fine except Steve and Valkyrie who was more interested in continuing their game of pool than join the rest of you. You ignored the fact that they don’t like you but as long as they’re not actively doing something to make your life in Ithaca hell, you really don’t care. 

Maria immediately enveloped you in a hug the moment you flopped down on the couch next to her. 

“You look fantastic, bubba,” she said before planting a sloppy kiss on the side of your face.

You know by the display of affection that Maria had a few drinks in but you’re not there to mother your best friend. You’re there to have fun. So you just smiled at her and kiss her cheeks too. By then, Carol and Natasha have both taken their seats across from you. 

“Only Maria gets a kiss?” Wanda quipped on your other side. You laughed before relenting and giving your new friend a friendly kiss on the cheeks too. 

When you turned forward, you noticed the slight flush on both Carol and Natasha’s cheeks as they both got lost watching you. You had to clear your throat before the two looked you in the eye. 

“Want a kiss too?” you asked confidently. Carol choked on nothing, while Natasha had to avert her eyes for a second.

“And she’s not even drunk yet, ladies and gentlemen,” Tony announced theatrically before laughing out loud. Maria joined in the laughter as well. You would be pissed had it been someone else but these are your best mates. You know it was all good fun. 

“Shut up, you two,” you told your best friends before turning back to Carol and Nat. “I’m sorry, I was kidding.” 

“Jokes are half meant,” Thor said before handing you a glass of JD and coke. You smiled at him gratefully. 

Before you can think of anything witty to throwback though, Steve spoke as he surveys his shot at the pool table. “Big wow! She owns a pair of ratty leather jacket and she’s instantly a player,” he said sarcastically. 

Everyone looked at Steve wide-eyed and utterly surprised that they were unable to say anything at the moment. 

“Give her an award for actually pulling it off. I thought all she knows how to wear was preppy clothes,” Val piped in. 

Maria and Tony clenched their fists. You can see a storm brewing before it starts. So you decided to kick Tony’s shins and putting your hand on Maria’s knees to diffuse their attention. Tony groaned in pain while Maria sighed heavily. 

“You two, go away if you have nothing better to say,” Nat said seriously before you could say anything else. 

Steve’s eyes narrowed for a second before he dropped his sticks on the table and leaving the playroom. Val glanced at Carol to gauge her stand on the matter when she saw Carol’s lips pursed in a thin line, she rolled her eyes before walking away. There a fat pause after the two jocks left. 

“I’m sorry about those two. They probably misplaced their manners tonight,” Carol said, trying to alleviate the awkwardness. 

You smiled. “That’s okay. They don’t know me.” 

“So let them get to know you,” Maria suggested. 

“And I know the best way how,” Tony quickly piped in before pulling out a board game from under the table. “Let’s play a game.”

***

Game one was hours long of tipsy monopoly where you dominated with Natasha. Carol hated that you were drafted to partner up with the redhead. So she drank and drunk as much as Thor would let her while playing the game. Everyone decided to finish the game when eighty-five percent of the estates on the board is already owned by your team.

“Take that Stark,” you taunted your best friend before turning towards Natasha with your hand up waiting for a high-five. 

Natasha didn’t make you wait long before she’s slapping her hand against yours. “It’s a pleasure winning by your side, Tasha,” you murmured while holding her hand still. 

Natasha smiled. In an hour, she found that you’re not only book smart but also street smart. She also found out that you’re a little rough around the edges but still very accommodating, which she really likes about you. “I wouldn’t wanna win with anyone else,” she said sincerely. 

All you could do was grin like an idiot. You wanted to say something else but you were interrupted by Carol’s chair scraping loudly against the hardwood floor as she abruptly stood up. She was looking intently at both you and Natasha, and you noted the fire in her eyes. Then she glanced at yours and Natasha’s clasped hands. 

‘Ah,’ you thought. 

“I’m gonna go find Val at the dance floor,” Carol said, voice strained with what you assume is jealousy. 

Clint who was the only one paying attention to the interaction agreed that it’s time for the hosts of the party to make an appearance. Everyone was on their feet steadily even with the amount of alcohol that was consumed while playing. In fact, you thought the Avengers look steadier and even more confident than usual as they walk down the stairs like celebrities on a catwalk. 

“Go ahead, I’ll catch up with you. I’ll just use to powder room,” you said to Loki who stopped at the top of the stairs to wait for you. He shrugged his shoulder and winked at you. You chuckled to yourself as you think of how opposite the Odinsons are. Thor is friendly and talkative, while Loki is silent but very observant. You like them both, either way.

***

Finding the Avengers in a crowded room isn’t hard. Most people flock around them, always trying to get a moment with them. The party-goers cleared a circle in the middle of the dance floor for the group to dance without being swamped by everybody else. You watched them for a minute before deciding, you’d like to have a drink. So, you made a beeline for the bar where a certain blonde’s sitting alone on it.

“Four tequila shots, please,” you ordered politely.

Carol snorted beside you. “Liquid courage?” she asked teasingly but she’s not smiling and definitely not looking at you.

‘That’s bothering’, you thought. Carol is one of the most confident women you know. There was never a day, ever since your arrival in Ithaca that Carol ever not look in your eyes when she’s speaking to you.

“Drowning something?” you teased back as you note her glass almost full to the brim with scotch.

Carol didn’t answer, still didn’t look at you. When the bartender put down your order, you quickly downed two of them simultaneously. That made Carol look.

“Slow down, you already had a few Jack Cokes upstairs,” she said, clearly concerned.

You made your stool turn towards her. You pushed the other shot glass towards her and she caught it without looking. She quirked an eyebrow at you. You picked up your glass and raised it towards her. Carol doesn't know what’s happening exactly but she clicked your glass together before both of you down the liquid fire.

You jumped out of your stool and made Carol’s spun around to face you.

“Y/N, what the heck?” she yelped as she grips your biceps.

You chuckled before leaning up. “Come dance with me, Captain,” you whispered right beside her ear.

Carol couldn’t help herself from shivering. Your voice, your proximity is doing things to Carol. When you pulled away, you couldn’t help but smirk after seeing her pupils fully dilated.

“Or would you prefer I dance with someone else instead,” you said before offering your hand towards her.

Carol blinked twice before taking your hand. You laughed when Carol nearly shoved you in her haste to get you to the dance floor.

“Sorry,” she said but didn’t make a move to extricate her front against your back. 

You turned on the spot, making Carol hold onto your waist. You pulled her impossibly closer by putting your hand on her nape. Chest to chest you can feel Carol’s heartbeat beating erratically. You chuckled before you spun around again, and you ground your ass against the blonde captain in time with the beat of the music.

“You’re killing me, Y/N,” Carol groaned deeply.

You chuckled. “Already? I haven’t even started yet,” you said close to her ear so she can hear you.

Carol groaned. When you look past her shoulder, you can see Natasha watching you with a mighty frown on her face before Wanda dragged her back on the other side of the dance. At some point in the night, you and Carol rejoined the group, and you danced with Natasha and practically everyone too.

***

The sun was rising when the ballroom of the Stark mansion was emptied except for your group. Everyone was sitting on the floor, drunk and decompressing. Frankly, at that point, all you wanna do was to be in your bed and sleep. Plus points if you could cuddle with Maria. When you look across the room and caught Maria looking back, you know she has the same idea. 

“Alright, I had so much fun. Thank you for throwing this party for me,” you slurred slightly. 

Tony groaned from the floor. “No, no, no. Don’t leave yet. Let’s play another game,” he cried out. 

Everyone was so out of it that they blindly agreed to play. Tony cheered as he grabs the last bottle of scotch and poured everyone with a shot. 

“What are we playing?” Thor asked while leaning on the wall, eyes already closed. 

“Never have I ever,” Tony said. 

Maria stood behind you before reaching out for your glasses. “One shot, and we go home,” she whispered before handing you your glass.

A few questions in but you and Maria still haven’t drunk your last shot.

“Alright, I have a good one,” Clint said. “Never have I ever slept with my best friend.”

He didn’t drink. 

Thor didn’t drink.

Tony didn’t drink.

Loki didn’t drink.

Wanda didn’t drink. 

Then every eye is on you, Maria, Carol, and Natasha. A pregnant pause ensued before you thought, ‘fuck it’ and drinking your glass. 

Maria smiled before throwing back her shot too. 

“Don’t look so surprised,” Tony said before standing up and dusting himself. “She’s gay, not the Virgin Mary.”

***

The Avengers have been partying together all their life that they all had respected guest rooms. Had you stayed for a moment, you would have seen Natasha and Carol downing their shots too.

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

New chapter?

I'm not necessarily back from my hiatus, but I'm not exactly active either. I might have a chapter coming to you guys soon[??] It is another It rewrite chapter, idk but I'm trying really hard [and failing] not to feel guilty that it's not another cosmic chapter cause I know you guys are itching to see what happens next [even though most of you probably have a pretty good guess] but idk I've been trying to dip my toe back in and for one thing I already had a huge chunk of the next It chapter written before i went on hiatus so I basically just finished that off. I have been able to work on cosmic a little too but I'm trying to remind myself that yes, while I have promised you guys writing, I am under no obligation to strain myself for content in a certain amount of time if that makes any sense. All of you have all been so incredibly patient and kind and aside from maybe like two people on a completely different platform have been impatient [I still care about getting content out to them too] I tend to be my most impatient voice and I'm always nagging myself to get stuff done and out to you guys and I've found that that mentality is what has been holding me back. I just have realized I need to set some boundaries for myself and from myself and I can't thank you enough for everyone's kind and warm thoughts and messages, I have taken them all to heart and they all just make me so happy and remind me why I do this so thank you all.

Anyways, you can expect a new chapter soon[??] Again, I had most of it written before hiatus so I wrapped it up. There is a small but sizable handful of Eddie + Reader moments, and I hope you guys like them, I got so used to slow burn with Cosmic lol so since this is a movie rather than a couple seasons I have to speed things up so I hope it's been coming out at reasonable pace. Anyways, I wanted to let you guys know I am alive, I've just been taking a much needed break from social media and practicing piano, painting, spending time with my dogs, etc, just taking time for me which knowing all of you, you guys are so sweet and I'm sure you understand.

I can't thank you guys enough for your understanding, and your wondeful words of encouragement. Once again, I have not given up on Cosmic - or the Klaus rewrite either for that matter - I just have been trying to write what I have inspiration for at the moment cause that means more content. Anyways, thank you for reading, thank you for your love and support, and thank you being so so wonderful!

I love you all so much, and I hope you have a splendid day/night!

[Edit: just realized I reached over 700 followers while I've been away?!?!? Holy WHAT? THANK YOU LOVELY PEOPLE!!!]

💕💕💕 - Yurtle

[kingofthewilderwest]

I have a super hard exam Monday morning and I really think I can't make it. I have been studying, but I can't understand a think! I thought It was the way I was studying but it's too late to look for alternatives. I have been reading my notes crying all day (I'm doing it right now and sobbing) but still no light.

I’m really sorry about the stress you’re going through. Exams can be extremely tough and I feel for you on that one. I’ve cried over tests and schooling and all that as well. It sucks to feel this stress. Academia many times pushes us to the brink beyond what we should be given, and I hope that you come out of this on the other side feeling relief.

When I was in school, one of the ways I calmed myself was to think about long-term. In less than 48 hours, this stressor will be completely gone from your life. It’ll no longer exist because you’ve taken the test. It’s a stressor, but it’s one for a VERY short time frame in your life. In the long scale of things, it’s very soon going to be out of your life and over with. And while tests can change our grades and that’s important, in the very long scale of school and academia… it’s not a big impact on our life. We can retake a class if we need to, or do better on the next test, or any and all sorts of options that will all result in a happy, fulfilling, awesome life of many years to come. This test is a very, very small part of the grand scheme of your life, and it’ll be completely over with and out of your life very, very soon. Whether you get a good grade or a bad grade here, your life will move forward, and provide you many great experiences to come. My happiness for the decades I will live is not reliant on one number on a sheet of paper.

I don’t know if that helps you, but it always helped me: once I remembered how small this thing was in the grand scheme of things, and how soon it’d leave my life as a stressor… it helped me realize… it shouldn’t be a stressor even now.

I hope I don’t sound like I’m brushing aside what you feel, because I mean the opposite. I know there’s many situations going into why academia feels SO IMPORTANT in our lives, both for our personal situation, and in the way society trends go. I do hope it helps to say that, in the grand course of whether or not your life will be complete on one test grade, it’s a minuscule thing, and I hope that that perspective can give some ease.

You’ve done your best. You’ve been studying. You’ve been working extremely hard and I want to commend you for that diligence. You’ve rocked that. And that’s something important. You have already shown a lot of character and drive working on this, and that’s better than any number you get. You’re already a hero and a succeeder in my eyes.

And, it’s not a shortcoming on your end that you don’t understand things. We all need time to understand anything; all information we first hear is something we don’t understand at first. That’s okay. That’s the nature of it. Every single human on this planet doesn’t understand things and may take a while to understand something; you are not ever going to be a failure for being confused, even if it feels understandably frustrating to not understand.

It’s always fine to talk to instructors about your struggles. I don’t know if you have or haven’t yet, but honest conversations with instructors can work wonders. I’ve taught college courses and have definitely played the mercy game with my own final grades once a student has come to me. I’ve been on the side of mercy with professors, where they’ve been willing to extend deadlines or work with me one-on-one to succeed. Many, many teachers want you to succeed, and will extend extra help and understanding to you if you talk to them. I know how much mercy can be given once they understand how much you want to succeed, and show you are willing to talk to them about ways in which you can. And I hope your instructor is one such person who will listen. It’s always worth talking over, and it can ease buttloads of stress.

Also… though you are on a time budget… if you’re really feeling this stressed, please give yourself a break. Please give yourself sleep. Please give yourself something nice, even if it’s eating a special treat for dinner or watching half hour of your favorite comedy show. Your mind in this state won’t learn the material most productively. Stepping back away from studying will actually help you and make a more efficient and productive study schedule.

I know it’s late in the game and you think there aren’t other ways to study, but if you want, I’m happy to list off some of the ways I’ve studied before. I hope I’m not overextending my bounds. I know you came here to vent and you might not want advice, but if you want some studying suggestions, here’s things I’ve done. We all learn different ways, and you’ll notice I tend to be text-oriented (with some hearing-oriented)… but maybe something here will click. Some of these studying strategies are time-consuming (not helpful for you right now), some of them are fast, but they’re different ways to work at the same material:

Do NOT just skim read notes or engage in “passive” reviewing. If you’re just looking over the books or old homeworks without engaging, it’s less likely for it to stick. Rereading is one of the least interactive ways and least demanding ways to try to “study,” and thus is often not effective for long-term retention and mastery of concepts. Make your study sessions as engaging as possible without destroying your brain cells and giving you a migraine.

Build up. Start simple, with easier learning devices, and then make it more challenging for yourself. For instance, for foreign language, I might start with flashcards or matching tasks. Then, I’ll eventually get to the point where I will try to write my entire vocabulary list from memory. Build up from easy to harder.

Multiple study sessions throughout a day or throughout the course of a week (when you have it) will almost always be better than one massive study session. Repeatedly engage with the material.

Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat frankly is always the way to go.

PRIORITIZE. Focus on problem sections. Focus on sections that are most likely to be on the test in large quantities. Prioritize what you work on. You don’t need to know every tiny detail to get a passing grade; you just need to know what big stuff is most likely to be hit.

Tackle one section at a time. Don’t think about the full breadth of the unit. Master one concept at a time. Smaller chunks are always more manageable, more efficient, and more effectively learned. If you don’t understand the full breadth of your test, start with the smallest thing you can, work on that, and get that one thing right first. Just that one thing. 

Try to engage in the different styles of learning. Reading. Speaking. Acting out. All these will help you retain the information in different ways. For some subjects, this may be easier than others. But do what you can.

Flash cards. When you go through the flash cards, don’t go through each card once. Put aside the ones you get wrong. Rework the ones you get wrong a second time… or a third time… until you get them right. Then put them into the big pile again of every flash card and restart. ENGAGE with these things rather than quickly skim over the fronts and backs.

Draw diagrams. Venn diagrams. Tables. Charts. STUFF. Organize your information in new ways.

Make tests for yourself. Create tests that are multiple choice, fill in the blank, short essays, anything. Then, after you make those tests, give yourself a break, go back, and take your tests. See what you do and don’t remember.

Make memory devices! Memory devices for the win! Make them silly and absurd! Make it fun! Make memory devices from puns. Set key phrases to musical melodies. Make silly analogies. Do whatever you need to to memorize the material, even if in a dorky way. Like, I first learned the kanji 白 was ‘shiro’ because it looks like the character Shiro from Voltron. It’s got a square face with a scar in the center, and even a little tick at the top to represent Shiro’s WHITE hair floof (and ‘shiro’ means ‘white’ woot victory!). Other times, I’ve memorized numbers by setting them to tunes.

Rewrite your notes or key pages from your textbook. Type up your notes from class, or rewrite them, or take notes from your book again. Note that you can rearrange your notes as you do this; maybe you could make a page that’s all about X topic?

Study with friends! Quiz each other, talk to each other about problematic points, try to figure out difficult sections together. And don’t skimp, but don’t be afraid to make it fun. Learning goes better when it’s fun.

Write a “study guide” or “cheat sheet” for yourself of all the most pertinent material.

Talk out loud as you reread your notes. Engage with the material both with eyes and ears.

Try to quote your notes. Talk to yourself about what you remember. Then look and see what you didn’t talk about.

Try explaining to someone else what you’ve learned. This is a really good one. This will help you really pinpoint what you do and don’t know, and will mentally solidify the things that you do, in fact, understand. Nothing says “learning” like having to tell someone else what you’ve learned.

Especially if it’s mathematical, but also for other subjects, rework problems from your textbook or homeworks, get new problems from textbooks, or go online to find other problems with solutions. 

Find tutors. Or talk to teachers. Seriously, talk to teachers! <3 As someone who has been a teacher, please please please, talk to teachers!

Any academic videos on YouTube explaining concepts? What about Wikipedia? Other websites on these topics to help you see the information presented in a new way? My ass got saved in Mathematical Logic due to a good logic wiki.

Give yourself breaks. Everyone needs different break points and has different levels of concentration ability, but one not-terrible-rule to consider is 50 minutes studying, 10 minute break. I personally prefer longer sessions and will do something like 2 hours, then 30 minute break. But that’s for you to decide with yourself.

SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. You do no favors for yourself if you don’t sleep. Sleep as best as you can. Fatigue prevents us from using our full mind, will prevent the recall we could have had if we were more awake. Fatigue prevents us from learning and retaining information we would have learned faster in a more rested state. Sleep allows us to process the information we’ve just thought about; we’ll wake up with a more solid understanding of materials because there’s been some unconscious processing. I know you want to maximize those study hours, but you’ll be wasting those 75% of the time if you’re up to 3 AM trying to work on something and can barely keep your eyes open. 

Make it about you. What is it about this material that you can care about? Find ways to relate it to what you care about, whatever the subject.

I know that’s not a very widespread list - I could write a lot more - but unfortunately I have to get going to my own time crunch for work. And I know I’m not covering every angle in which this is a stressful situation and how we may engage with it, and how people with different learning styles and minds and social situations interact with materials… but I hope that something in here helps you nevertheless.

Please give yourself a break right now. <3 You deserve it, friend.

To say the least, I’m wishing the absolute best for you. I’m rooting for you. I’m sympathizing. My heart feels for you. And I hope that you can find a bit of stress-relief in the midst of this. Take care, friend, and please take care of yourself through all this. <3

[violetsystems]

#personal

I finally wrapped up most of the damage from 2020.  Among all the pain and suffering I had to deal with from all sides, the financials were the most ambiguous.  I read all these thinks pieces about the lasting damage it has done to the American economy.  And then there’s the situations I find myself in that I am left to embrace alone.  The reality is that most people seem to think there’s nothing wrong with me.  Kind of like when I go to the dentist year after year and nobody ever says anything about fixing a crooked tooth.  They floss around it.   I feel them flossing around it.   I apparently wear the defects so well that they become me.  Whatever chunk was taken out of my life still keeps biting.  There are no shortage of victims in this day and age.  I’ve often had to read into the fact that nobody wants me to identify that way.  For some reason based on what people think they know about me there’s a judgement placed without my knowing it’s due process.  I’m laughably somewhere in the middle of everything through survival.  Getting into arguments online or in the street to prove points for yourself is a losing battle.  I have to realize the mindfuck of it all either way.  I’m constantly playing damage control in a world that shoots itself in the foot to feel alive.  If I look back at how long I’ve survived on this planet, I can admit to myself I’ve seen worse outcomes.  To think a year ago, I was in a stable job with a stable amount of debt I couldn’t quite escape the gravity from.  It was always me alone grinding to try and do that.  And to this day how many ever stories you’ve heard about me across the world don’t really pay the bills or encourage people to treat me like a human being.  I deal with people following me around and trying to communicate in ways I never consented to daily.  Everybody’s vampiric instinct for some sort of intelligent connection is at my footstep every ten feet when I go out for groceries.  People overstep the boundaries so much I’ve had to rewrite them for myself for protection.  Now I’m boxed into cheap rent with no guarantees and everybody’s opinion about me on eleven.  It’s the type of shit that would make anyone go nuts.  Let alone everyone struggling for pieces of your power so they can have the upper hand in terms of social dominance.  I get it.  Almost too much.  I live in a city where egos flare up every day.  There’s no shortage of people spray painting gang symbols in pink all over my alley because somebody made the mistake of getting it fucking twisted.  I have to walk through that aftermath and know it all.  That everything I say or do is watched, taken out of context, manipulated to start shit because somebody feels some type of way about shit they do not know the repercussions of.  People get shot in my city every day.  I walk alone.  Sometimes I take the bus when somebody is up in my face with something to prove on an abandoned street.  My imperfections of which there are many aren’t ever going to save me.  My brain does.  And of the most sexy things in this world beyond my greying hair, my coffee stained imperfect dentistry or my pockmarked skin, I am human too.  I live in a country where everyone envy’s the ability to speak freely without being taken to the stake for it.  That’s always been a lie.  I live that lie and dodge it every day.  And there are no real door prizes for second place in that battle except dwindling health care benefits and a lump sum pension.

On the other hand, through all this I continue to make magic happen.  I’m sure people can romanticize how it feels.  There are times when it feels like I’m worth it.  Everybody wants to roast you out here to feel better about themselves.  I’d rather have girls show off their makeup tutorials in safety around me than deal with your petty online hierarchies.  And this is what happens on a very hyperlocal level.  People out here know what I’m about for better or for worse.  It’s called the internet.  People all over the world seem to have an opinion about what makes me tick after I’ve spent over three years writing my heart and soul in three paragraphs on the internet.  And yet I’m still the enemy.  I’m still someone you don’t quite trust.  Someone you more than often throw under the bus because I can take it.  Or there’s something I haven’t been through yet that makes me less threatening.  To break me first so you can control me.  And yet here I am out here with the remote control to my own life boarded into a fiscal cage.  I’ve gone from worrying about money to worrying about when to switch to single payer healthcare.  I’ve gone from holding down the fort to wanting to pack up my cat and  leave completely.  And I will have nothing holding me back.  No hurt feelings.  No vampiric lust for revenge or closure.  No desire to be understood or seen.  People abuse me every day in public and online as their own personal punching bag because they don’t have the strength or the will to practice on the real enemy.  The same enemy I’ve been fighting up close and persona for years.  Does this make me a beast?  Yes.  It makes me far more powerful than anybody would ever know.  And yet I know the reality.  I’ve lived it in my own city for years.  People do not want people to be strong without some sort of failsafe device.  Some secret way to cancel their mutant powers.  Some word or phrase to break them when they fear the freedom and power running through their veins.  Most of the time when that happens I’m paying my bills on time while holding back endless waves of childhood trauma living and growing up weak, smart, and awkward in America.  And here I am still awkwardly unaccepted unless I submit.  Unless I show some sort of weakness I haven’t already conquered.  I’m defective just like you.  But somehow it’s inconvenient for you to approach the reasons you can’t see that.  You’d rather lump me in with everyone else and throw your shot.  You take the hail mary play I’ve seen time and time again from people who secretly are uncomfortable with me winning.  You try to make your bluff at the poken table and I have the winning hand.  Soon I just realize it’s not worth my time playing.  I find another table to saunter off to that doesn’t reward on house rules.  And here I am out here again winning in spite of all the shit you people constantly talk on your secret club house forums.  You might even take away bits and pieces of my own arguments over the years and use them against me.  And where do you end up?  In the same pitiful and tired argument over and over again.  Nobody is going to lift you up from the graves being built around you other than you.  This is what I have learned and have to process every day.  The last eleven months have been barren at best.  And yet I have no hope of it getting any better.  I’m hurt,  A pain that I’ve been able to manage by removing myself from culture that pokes and prods the scars.  Like they’re doing you a favor while they watch you sink.  Throwing rocks at the body floating down the river.  Me playing dead long enough to run away.

If you want me to be honest, it pisses me off how worthless it is to argue anymore.  To jump into this week’s political thought piece.  To argue what a bunch of rich people vote on and why.  To feel like you are part of any sort of people’s revolution that literally plays a ranking game in terms of suffering.  America is good at valuing things.  We take it to the extreme and drown everyone out in the process.  The whole world is learning from us.  And yet America and Americans are a diverse bunch.  About the only thing I can tell you about America that is working right now is the IRS.  That and my bank investigating just how many times I’ve been a target of fraud..  You’d think after all these words typed out into the internet that someone would realize I’m just as much of a victim as some people.  Maybe not in the same way.  But people would rather nitpick and point the finger to divert the attention from themselves.  And the eye of fucking Sauron is always on me.  Not you.  You do not understand the weight of that statement that I live with everyday.  Everyone has a fucking problem with me now.  I have to walk through that brutal street catwalk every day in a city that would rather shoot you than discuss it’s feeling about the situation.  And yet I’m supposed to feel sorry for everyone first.  I’m supposed to watch my tongue for the secret internet and cultural police that control who wins and who loses.  Did I forget to mention I live in America?  The country everyone lauds as being the freest place in the universe.  I’ll give you a hint.  It is.  I fucking live it.  I talk and write about it too.  And my voice is heard around the fucking planet without anybody having the least respect for how it plays out in my life.  I could have died many times over because somebody had to use my life to prove a point.  And it’s collapsed into a void in which I am trapped while everyone continues to throw stones.  Everyone except the people I love.  And the people that love me back.  I’m being real with you.  I stick my neck out every waking moment to live the life I believe is real.  And there are no guarantees.  No expectations.  No hope or clearly worded rules or communication on how to progress.  And week after week. Tooth after chipped and crooked tooth I speak my mind.  I walk with accountability while people stare at the fucking ground.  I live in a loneliness so deep and intense that ghosts still speak volumes.  Things will never be forgotten no matter how silent I become.  And yet people talk over it like I’m already dead.  They stop at nothing to invade my life and defile every chance for me to not fade away.  What in these three paragraphs to you defines me as the enemy?  Because I have more power to make my dreams come true?  Do you want to put yourself into the hell of walking in my shoes?  Do you want to wander these streets without a weapon other than your kindness and patience?  Do you lie awake at night thinking you will die alone without anyone having the reading comprehension to know what it is you are going through.  I will answer this for you.  No you don’t.  Because you will see the exact hell that I know very well.  No one saves you in this life but you.  No one will pick you up out of the hole other than you.  Nobody will tell you when you look in the mirror alone that you are beautiful other than you.  To live with that knowledge and to take it out on other people is fucked.  To judge other people you don’t even know who exhaust themselves to explain is a losing battle for attention.  You should already know the simple fucking answer.  Because I’m worth it.  And I’m sick of beating myself up for people who think they are the only ones in pain.  I’m dying here.  Mostly from lack of open space and personal freedoms.  Sounds like any other country you know other than America.  Home of the free.  I’m going to go exercise my freedoms on these weights.  Because gravity holds pity on noone.  And it’s easier to fall than to rise.  That takes works regardless of how you were born into this world.  Let’s stop fighting each other and pay more attention to the planet.  You’ve already caused enough damage biting off more than you can chew. <3 Tim

[cullinankatsudon]

Let’s get super damn real about representation/education and coded protection

So this is a series of asks I just got, which is actually one ask, which I can’t answer publicly without only answering one, so I just screenshot the whole mess and now I’m “answering” by using this as a jumping off point and going from here. And when I say GOING I mean fucking going, because JFC do I have some goddamned thoughts. There is so much to unpack here, both the stuff said and the stuff which is unsaid, which the asker may or may not have been thinking, but I know other people are so I’m just going to say it and everyone can either listen or leave. I don’t really care. The title of the blog is Just Here For The Ships and it is true. Please skip this and go back to the pics of Victuuri being awesome if you like.

I am not 24. I am 44. I am the author to over 25 published novels of LGBTQIA romance, many of which have won awards and have been translated into...I’ve lost count of the languages. Like, five? Lots. I’m not Big Shit but I’m not some peon who doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I write about sex, though, and sensuality. I have written an asexual romance, and BDSM romances, and moderately sexual romances, and a romance with an autistic hero, several with heroes with anxiety/depression, May/December relationships, and a great number of new adult novels, which is basically the next step away from young adult, and often features 18yos so basically I write, often, teenagers having sex. And as I have said, I am 44, so I guess from the perspective of a 24 year old I am an ancient old creaky person perving like fuck. But we will cover this more in a moment.

I am also by identification a queer woman. No one has any right to that information whatsoever, it is none of your business. But I am public about it and I volunteer it for a specific reason which I will also underline later in this conversation. Now to the answer to the ask.

The incredibly short answer to this ask is, if you don’t like what other people are doing, don’t look at it. Don’t read their shit, don’t read their blogs, don’t engage. I keep quoting @fencer-x in this discussion because her opinions and mine align, and I respect her way of dealing with frustrating topics: she blocks people when she knows their views and hers clash and interactions with them will only make her angry/frustrated. My god, what an adult reaction. She doesn’t chase people down and harass them (not adult). She simply says, “This will make me ranty. I’m going to end this before it can start and go on with my happy ways.” Incredibly proactive because she has high-volume interaction on Tumblr.

But this ask isn’t a harassment, it’s an honest ask: why would an adult want to read about two teenagers having sex. I find it a frustrating ask, but I’ll honor it because I’m in a waiting-for-email loop and anyway, I’ve been seeing this go by my feed for months, Fencer keeps hammering at it and why should she have to keep saying the same thing? I’ll take an axe swing for the team. Just be ready because I am here with some fucking receipts.

Answer A: Assuming that adults people are reading about teenagers having sex because they are getting off is incredibly juvenile and reveals shallowness of comprehension of literature in general.

I don’t have hard sales on YA romance in front of me, but I’m a member of Romance Writers of America and could probably get it pretty quickly with a few emails; what I do know is that YA romance is doing fine, more than, and it’s not being read by only teens and whatever magical cut off is considered not-gross in legal adulthood. I don’t have any comprehension over what moment that is, when an adult human becomes old enough and now reading about teenagers is gross--is it simply always someone younger? Am I not allowed to read about thirty-year-olds fucking?--but whatever this is, I don’t care, because I don’t subscribe to it, largely because I know that readers of romance in general but especially young adult romance are rarely reading for sex alone. There are some people, yes. There’s nothing wrong with those choices, but they’re rare in any event, and we’re not talking about them yet. 

My new adult novels, however, while they are read by some college age people and some high school students, are largely read by adults, many of them my age or older. For the queer identifying reader especially, the books featuring young protagonists starting out in life often move them to write me passionate letters which in turn make me cry. But the heterosexual readers will often feel just as strongly. 

Why? Because it will possibly surprise (or depress?) a number of twenty somethings to discover that when people hit their thirties or especially forties/fifties, they look back at their twenties/youth and feel nostalgia, regret, and sadness over possibilities lost, time slipped away, and in the case of many women and queer youth, opportunities never granted. For many bi/pan people in particular of my generation, we quietly slipped into a heteronormative path because it seemed like the only choice, and while we may have made happy marriages, there are parts of our selves which never got to see the light of day, and that hurts. These books, these explorations, are ways to have those moments. 

Writing fiction is an even more empowering way to explore those same themes--and not everyone wants the hell of chasing down a publishing career, so fan fiction is a nice alternative. 

Perhaps you’re about to say, “But Heidi, those straight women are FETISHIZING!!!!!!!!” Oh, sure, maybe some are? I don’t know. I imagine you’d like to point them out to me? I suspect you have a list prepared. I bet you know who alllll those bitches are, eh?

Let me tell you a story. 

In the publishing world, people do the same thing. Readers and published authors alike loooove to play that game, imagining who is entitled to do what, and every so often someone decides to go on a witch hunt. Now sometimes there are truly people who have been deceiving others and the betrayals are horrible to see unfold, and they always break the community. And then sometimes--several times in my tenure--I have watched people go after “straight” women who have “dared” to step wrongly in queer romance...and all the while I have known that these women are in fact not straight, but rather are simply not out. I have done what I can to help, but there isn’t much to do, except that I keep a list--a real list--of the people carrying torches and I do not engage, do not highlight, do not give oxygen in any form, ever. So be very careful when you make your judgments of shippers FETISHIZING!!!!!!!! because you might be completely wrong, even if the bio on that person’s blog says they’re straight. If you don’t like what someone is doing, you should probably take Fencer’s approach and simply block them.

One of the reasons I am out--though only one--is because it is more uncomfortable for me to think about being jumped by assholes from my own team wanting to accuse me of appropriation than it is being accosted by an antigay bigot. I would like you to think about that for a long time before you ever approach someone about being allegedly straight.

But even the straight shippers have plenty of agency to enjoy writing about teenagers having a relationship which may include sex. That brings us to the next answer, though.

Answer B: women have a lot of unpacking to do in this damn world about sex, and in nearly every culture they are saying, over and over, romance between male same sex pairings helps them do this work. Including young pairings.

This answer comes with a ton of controversy and has taken me eight years of being published to come up with, and my way of speaking to it is ever evolving. While it is true that I have many gay male readers and nonbinary readers for my books which are largely about gay males falling in love, I also have many female readers of all orientation, though a large chunk of those are straight. This phenomenon has been the butt of jokes and point of ire depending on who is writing the article or asking me questions over my years as an author. 

This is a whole other essay, gnarly and deep, but the main gist is that women’s sexuality is so fraught and politicized that many women--worldwide, across cultures--feel more comfortable exploring issues about sexuality when the pairing is between two men than a woman and a man or two women. Now: personally, I want us to move beyond this and evolve, to move to two women as well as two men, to add in some heterosexual pairings but have the man be different as part of a trope--but we aren’t there yet, clearly, for so many reasons.  I think it’s important we keep pushing and trying, but it’s going to have to evolve there, not be shamed there or rammed there. 

We have a patriarchal culture; it’s no surprise that to undo this women pit two men against one another and attempt to undo the power structure by domesticating it, by rewriting it (literally), by remixing it on their own terms. Now--speaking as a queer woman, I do think we must, especially when writing gay men, be respectful and be aware we are writing about a marginalized group. However, this is a marginalized group writing about a marginalized group--women/gay men--and especially if the pairing is about white men, it’s an even power match. Gay white men in fact can seize more power than white women, if they want it--they must deny their orientation, but the choice is there.

It’s true that women writing about gay men can and have been sloppy, that descent into rape fantasy and feminization harm the relationship between gay men and women of any orientation. It’s also true that there are gay men quietly reading those same tropes the same way women in the 70s and 80s read rape fantasy and rescue fantasy in romance as part of their own evolution to claiming power (and yes, that is a thing). 

But wait, Heidi, you say, what the hell does this have to do with teenagers having sex?

Plenty. 

Because we’re talking specifically about Otayuri, yes? Yurio having sex with Otabek, who is not an adult, but is for some reason to some people, and we’re talking about adults reading about this. They are a gay pairing. And unlike Victuuri, they are not canon, not yet, maybe not ever, and this is very important right now, because there is more power in a non canon ship when you are writing them yourself, because you are creating the link. When you write Victuuri you’re celebrating a couple the creators literally put rings on. When you write Sterek or Sheith or anyone else who is not in their actual fictional show a couple, and when you are taking straight men and queering them up in a pairing, you are claiming power. I don’t care what your orientation is. You are taking a big dildo and aiming at the patriarchal system of the world through fiction and you are saying, “I am going to fuck with this, literally.”

To do that with young men is another statement on top of that. I don’t know, do people bitch about Sterek? Are there people freaking out about TEEN WOLF, TEEN Sterek and the older guy, the mentor, the adult graduate jailbaiter who gets shipped with him? I don’t have a problem with it at all, but if you want to go legally by the show, those are the terms. Why do people do it? Because there’s something in that power play that speaks to them. Something specific about Styles, who appears weak and young and vulnerable, and Derek, who is older and powerful but has a vulnerable side. 

Derek is the patriarchy, and Styles is how you bring him down. It’s more complicated than that, nobody thinks like that, but if you want to get deep as fuck with it, and I do, that’s what’s happening, and why it’s important. Styles is a kid, technically. As an actor I get that he’s an adult. Maybe that’s why there’s no freak out?

Okay let’s go to Sheith. Shiro is 24 and Keith is 18. Legit no legal issues here, plus they’re in space and in the future, but still youth is on board, and we have an age difference. Age differences are powerful. May/December is a thing and they’re heady in gay romance. Boy do people love the idea of a younger man bringing an older man to heel through love. This is not May/December, 24/18, but that age gap is enough to make people feel the pull, and the power dynamic is another. Shiro is the leader. Patriarchy. Keith is the feisty underling. You want to know why that ship is hot? That right there. Staid patriarchy needing feisty youngling to fuck it from underneath and get it to unlace.

You want to know why gay romance is so alluring, why people love gay ships, especially with straight characters? Because we are so goddamned desperate to change our culture and it won’t change and we don’t know how to do it and we feel like we have no power, and materially we don’t have a ton, but what we do have are these stories and a few hours a night to read or write subversive literature.

So I did everyone but Yurio. Let’s talk about Yuri P. Yurio is fifteen, a baby, a precious baby. He is not a baby. He tells you over and over he is an ice tiger. He got an upgrade in the BD where he explained how he wanted to dress himself and do his own music and he got his friend boyfriend to help him get dressed and pick a song and choreograph a new skate overnight, and then when he saw Victuuri was going to one-up him he came up with something to top them on the fly and it was hot and sexual and not at all contrived. The boy bled sex all over the ice, and if he had skated that routine up against Eros and Chris’s ass grab he would have won the competition. The boy is not a boy, he’s a young man and he is aware of his sexuality. He gets to play with it and claim it.

And people get to play with it too. It is a real thing, it is there, and it is ripe for the exploration. It is valid and on the table. Which brings us to the last answer (except there are about fifty more, I’m just only going to give one more because this is long as fuck and I have a family and I”m getting bored of this)

Answer C: Sex is fabulous and it is okay to like sex (and okay to not like sex)

Okay at the moment I am answering this in the theoretical, as a hysterectomy and PTSD over a past trauma regarding sex and way too much work-related stress have made the actual having of sex not something I’m interested in personally, but theoretically I find sex to be a wonderful, beautiful thing, and I’m currently going to therapy once a week to get my shit straight so that someday I can have it again because I do like it a lot and I believe in the power and beauty of sex and everyone’s right to have it and enjoy it (or not) in whatever way that pleases them so long as it is safe, sane, and consensual. I’ve written books that open with a blow job (true story) and books that are described as about “fisting cowboys full of feels” and also books with nothing more than two kisses and make out sessions holding hands and books where the sex is awkward and books where the sex mostly fades to black and everything in between. 

This includes sex by and for teens, because they have it. It’s okay for them to have it and it’s okay for me to read about it (and watch shows where they have it) and find it hot if it is because there is not an age limit where this happens. It’s an amazing thing, but I read books and find things hot or funny or sexy or scary or happy or sad and I don’t feel they are happening to me personally. I don’t feel that I am now that person. I don’t think that I am entitled to that character’s life, and I don’t mistake that I am suddenly that age. 

Nobody, by the way, would ever say this of someone about a horror novel for teens, or anything else for teens, and amazingly, nobody would ever and has ever said this about men reading fucking Lolita, a “literature” book about a goddamned girl and the pedophile who ogled her. Well, women. But people usually tell them to shut up because literature. Nobody says this to Woody Allen or the other men who have done all kinds of nasty shit. We are talking here, in a coded way, about “older” women reading about young men having sex. Because that’s a dirty act.

It is not. I am not old. I am older, yes, and so much wiser, and I can argue like this all damn day. 

But I might not do it every day because I also have a lot of work to do. Really, to sum it up: if you don’t like it, don’t look at it. Absolutely nobody on here is the morality police and nobody is entitled to protect anyone. The odds are really good you’re fucking up and hurting a lot of people if you try.

Just be here for the ships. Your ships. And everything will be fine.

[dragonofmagnolias]

Fic Previews

Last night I said something about having plans to make a post containing different Fic WIPs and letting you guys vote between them since I’m endlessly indecisive, and this is said post. Admittedly I had no idea what format I wanted to go with for previews, so I’m kind of just winging it. You’ll get a description, my plans, and a preview of each fic. A link to a poll will be placed at the end so I can better keep track of things!

...also as a heads up, all of these are Rindea related in some way and very much not edited. Also some of them are super old too so be prepared for things to NOT BE PRETTY.

Option #1: Grandpa Braev

Description: Pretty much Braev trying to bond with his grandchildren when their parents go on vacation. Mostly a focus on him trying to get the twins under control and for Zealan to like him. Valentine is already the perfect grandchild in his eyes.

Plans: Just straight up finish it. I started writing this a few months ago, and I determined to get to the end eventually.

Preview: Braev considered himself a decent father. He cared for his daughter and the boy he had taken in, made sure they received only the finest of training, and always had a home to return to. Granted, he hadn’t always been perfect, and there had been the time where his daughter had run away, but he felt he had made up for it in the years that followed. Fatherhood had been a bit of a struggle for him, but with the love and support of his wife he had managed to raise their daughter well. He could be proud of her and himself, even if his parenting had only been decent.

He wish he could say the same thing about being a grandparent.

The twins had been born first, and his first meeting with them hadn’t gone as well as he had hoped. They were only a week old at the time, but they had already developed a close bond with their parents. As soon as Braev tried to hold them, they began crying and wouldn’t stop until they were returned to Ringabel and Edea. The two had said the twins just needed to get used to being held by other people, but no amount of time with them would change their reaction to him. Even when he simply tried to play a childish game with them, they would cry until one of their parents came and calmed them down.

“Just give them a few months to grow and it’ll be fine, dear,” Mahzer tried to assure her husband. “Edea was the same way when she was born, and you can’t expect them to automatically like you.”

Braev had wanted to believe his wife, but the weeks turned into months, and the months into years, and soon it began to feel as if the twins would never like him. When Alternis grew his first few baby teeth, he tested them out by biting Braev’s arm when Braev picked him up, and as soon as Lyvia could walk she always seemed to try and trip her grandfather by walking into his path. By the time the twins were four-years-old, they had started treating Braev like another toy they could use as a punching bag. No matter how many times Ringabel and Edea disciplined them, they’d always go back to messing with “pappy” and cause trouble. It didn’t seem like Braev would ever catch a break.

This changed, however, when Valentine was born. The twins would be turning seven soon, and their baby sister was just over a month old. Braev and Mahzer hadn’t been able to visit yet due to Mahzer having been ill, but once she was cleared for travel the two planned to visit as soon as they could. The two of them arrived a few days before the twins’ birthday, and he was greeted by the twins clinging to his legs as he tried to approach his daughter and son-in-law. In his daughter’s arms there was an overdressed bundle, and as he grew closer the chubby face of his new granddaughter appeared.

“Would you like to hold her?” Edea asked as she motioned her father to take the baby. Hesitantly, Braev took the baby girl and held her in the same way he had held Edea all those years ago. Awaiting the sounds of crying, Braev held his breath and closed his eyes. No matter how long he waited, however, that sound never came.

Almost instantly, Valentine became attached to her grandfather. As a baby, she would laugh and smile whenever Braev held her, and when she began to walk and talk she’d want to follow and talk with him. Valentine loved her grandfather, and he adored her all the same. Compared to the twins, she was much easier to deal with, and as a result, she was a bit more spoiled than her siblings were. It was enough for the twins to notice, but never enough for them to complain.

For many years after Valentine’s birth it had only been the three of them. Over time, Braev learned how to appease all three of his grandchildren and mostly never had issues with them. Though the twins would cause a problem here and there, Valentine was never a struggle, and overall visits became easier. If he stayed close enough to Mahzer or their mother, the twins wouldn’t pull any tricks, and one stuffed toy per visit was enough to keep Valentine’s adoration of him. Everything had become easier for him, which should have been a sign things would become difficult again soon.

Zealan was the last grandchild Braev met, despite him also being the oldest, and was the hardest to interact with. Zealan had come from a world where Braev looked down upon and practically disowned him, so he had a difficult time speaking with Braev. When the two did managed to speak, Zealan would refer to him as “Sir Braev” instead of “Pappy” or “Grandpa” as the twins and Valentine called him. Braev was always careful when speaking with him, but he wish he could get the young man to open up more. Braev did not wish for Zealan to see him as the same cruel man that existed in the other world.

“Why don’t you tell me more about yourself?” Braev would always ask in hopes of bonding with his estranged grandson. The young man would barely speak a word to him, normally not knowing what to say. Braev could tell that Zealan was afraid of him, and the questioning didn’t seem to ease those worries. In the end, Zealan would always find shelter by standing with his youngest sister, who distracted Braev until Zealan could slip away. Braev was unsure if he’d ever be able to get his grandson to talk with him.

As a result of all of this, Braev was always unsure of how good of a grandfather he was. While Valentine loved him and showed it often, the twins saw him more as a punching bag, and Zealan was more afraid of him than anything. He had tried to treat him with the same love and respect he had given his own daughter and son-in-law (which in the long run, may have not been enough), but it didn’t seem to make a change in their behaviors. He refused to give up, however, and was determined to create better relationships with his grandchildren. He just needed the right time to do it.

--

Option #2: Painting

Description: Edea wants to spend more time with Ringabel, and since he’s been practically doing nothing but relearning how to paint, she makes him use her back as a canvas for a piece. Supposed to have lots of emotional bonding too.

Plans: This one is a bit older, so I’d probably rewrite a good chunk before finishing it. I started it last year, and I’ve made small improvements since then that I can apply here.

Preview: Edea glanced back at Ringabel once again. “Ringabel… Was that a poem?” she asked as Ringabel continued to paint. He kept his focus on his work, but nodded his head as he did so.

“You know me well enough by now to expect this, little peahen. I did write you monthly poems the entire time I was gone after all,” he reminded her. Edea hadn’t forgotten of course, she just had something else on her mind.

“Well… It was nice,” she told him. Her voice was a bit quiet, but she was still loud enough to hear. “All your poems are nice. You’re really good at writing them,” she continued to compliment. Ringabel, detecting a bit of distress, looked up at her.

“Is something the matter, Edea? You sound upset,” he pointed out to her. Realizing Ringabel was right, Edea turned her head away in shame.

“It’s nothing,” she said unconvincingly. “Just… Keep working, please. I want to see the finished product.”

Worried about Edea, Ringabel put his brush back down. “Edea, please don’t hide your feelings from me. I want to know when you’re hurting so I can help make it  better,” he told her as he placed his hand on her shoulder. It was covered with a bit of paint, so it was cold and slightly wet. Edea bit her lip.

“Don’t worry about it, okay?” she requested as she curled up a bit more. It was obvious she had grown tense again, so Ringabel put his other hand on her other shoulder and rubbed them to try and loosen her up.

“The more you tell me not to worry the more I’m going to anyway,” he told her in a bit of a sing-songish way. Edea wish he hadn’t though, especially since it wasn’t helping with how she felt right now.

“Seriously, it’s nothing, okay?” she insisted in the same unconvincing manner, though at this point she didn’t know if she was trying to convince Ringabel or herself that she was okay. Concerned, Ringabel leaned around her to get a good look at her face.

“Edea, please tell me what’s wrong… When we started dating we promised we wouldn’t keep our problems a secret from each other,” he reminded her as he squeezed her shoulders. “Communication is key to a happy relationship, isn’t it? So why can’t you tell me that’s wrong?”

Edea tried to mumble something, but all the came out was a sound similar to a tiny squeak. It wasn’t that she couldn’t tell him it was wrong, it was just that she was too afraid of how he would react. With Ringabel’s depression and her own insecurities, they had created a system of communication that allowed them to better support each other, but there were times where the other person was the source of the problem. Edea knew that even then, they should talk about it to work things out, but what she was feeling now… It was her own fault that she felt this way. Ringabel had absolutely no control over it.

Edea swallowed to try and get rid of a lump in her throat. “Can… You promise not to get upset if I tell you?” she asked, even if she really didn’t want to. Ringabel, a bit confused, tilted his head but nodded anyway.

“Of course, Edea. I think I’d be more upset if you didn’t say anything to me at all,” he told her. Edea could feel a tightness in her chest forming, and she took a deep breath before expressing how she felt.

--

Option #3: Ringabel’s Tattoos

Description: In an attempt to get Ringabel to let her heal the injuries he received in battle, Edea traps him in her room and forces him to take off his shirt. In this process she learns this boy is all inked up on his arms and back. Ringabel is very much embarrassed by this.

Plans: Okay as a warning, I started writing this two and a half years ago, so it would be written from the ground up with the same ideas in mind (and is probably poorly written in its current state). I have always wanted to finish this fic, but this is the first time somebody might be able to motivate me to actually do it.

Preview: "Where do you think you're going!?" she asked, raising her voice with each word. Ringabel flinched and stepped back a bit, knowing that Edea was most definitely frustrated with him.

"I'm just going to bridge, Edea. We've finished collecting supplies in Eisenberg and are to head to Eternia, you know," he told her while trying his best to move around her. Edea managed to grab his arm before he got too far though and pulled it down, making him stumble.

"Of course I know that!" she yelled while yanking his arm down more in order to bring him to her eye level. Ringabel had grown use to Edea's yelling by now, since she was normally the one to lecture him when he stayed out too late with the ladies, but it was still one of the few things about her that intimidated him. A bit panicked, Ringabel tried his best to get out of the mess he found himself caught in.

"Ah, yes. Of course you would! It is your home after all, so you should know everything about it," he teased before shutting himself up. Indeed Edea was from Eternia, but she quickly learned everyone she knew was not who she thought they were. They had fought many of her former countrymen by this point, and each time it grew harder and harder for her. It did not help that her father was among the next few people they would have to face, and he knew the thought of it filled Edea with dread. Ringabel quickly tried to apologize for his poor choice of words, but Edea stopped him before he could.

"They’re not what's important right now," she mumbled, a bit of sadness in her voice, before once again raising it. "What is important is the fact you're still injured and haven't been treated yet!"

Ah, so that's what this was about. When they had first attempted to get the Grandship into flight, they had to face Behemoth, a monster that was lurking in the core of the engine room. "Shocking it’s still alive! It’s so squishy and old I’m surprised it hasn’t fallen over!" Ringabel had stupidly commented during the fight. Seconds later, the monster charged straight at him, putting him in critical condition. Thankfully, he had set up a counter moments before and was able to land a finishing blow with it.

"Who's the squishy one now?" Edea mocked while Ringabel received basic healing from Agnès. Ringabel knew he should have probably received more, but he was so focused on finding out what the Orichalcum would do to the Grandship that he stopped Agnès as soon as he felt he could walk again. He later realized that this had been a mistake, as he was sore and bruised all over. He only made things worse thinking he could just sleep it off, but he quickly realized that it wasn't working and making him sorer. It didn't take the others that long to notice his constant discomfort and pain, and once they all knew he was still hurt they wouldn't leave him alone.

"Ringabel, are you listening to me?" he heard Edea snap at him. Still being held down at her level, he looked straight at her and could see the frustration in her eyes... And something that looked like sadness? Ringabel wasn't sure.

"Yes, of course, Edea! I know I haven't finished healing yet, but I promise you I will heal myself soon. It would be no good for any of us if I was unable to fight, and think of all the ladies who would-"

"Don't finish that thought, Ringabel," Edea interrupted. "If you're not going to do it yourself then I'm going to do it for you!" Edea stated as she grabbed both of Ringabel's arms and started to drag him towards his room. Ringabel tried his best to resist, but there was no way he could fight Edea's strength. Well, he could always try running, but he wasted most of his energy trying to get out of the inn before anybody could spot him, which obviously had failed.

“Now, Edea, there’s no need for you to do this!” Ringabel told her as she continued to drag him down the hall. He was still trying to resists, but Edea’s determination made dragging him as easy as dragging a blanket across the floor. At some point, the two of them passed by Tiz, who stared as Edea dragged Ringabel on.

“…am I missing something?” Tiz asked as he continued to stare. Ringabel gave Tiz a look that made Ringabel look like a scared sheep, but Tiz was unsure of how to respond.

“You’re not missing anything, Tiz!” Edea told him in response. “Just let Agnès and Airy know we might be leaving a bit late today! Ringabel and I have a bit of business to tend to in his room!”

“B-but it’s nothing more than a helpful gesture, Tiz!” Ringabel quickly chimed in, hoping the shepherd wouldn’t take Edea’s words the wrong way. Ringabel wasn’t sure if it worked though, as he saw his friend’s ears turn a bit pink before scurrying away.

“…we’ll explain later,” Edea said as she went back to dragging Ringabel to his room. She didn’t like the idea of Tiz thinking she and Ringabel were doing anything inappropriate, especially since she and he were nothing more than friends, but she had more important things to take care of at the moment.

--

Option #4: Bees?

Description: A fun little fic about Ringabel getting stung by a lot of bees and Edea having to deal with it.

Plans: I’m just putting this one here for the laughs. It wouldn’t be long and it would just be me being dumb.

Preview: “Ringabel! Ringabel, come on- Ringabel, hold still!”

Edea put her hand on Ringabel’s shoulder as she gripped a pair of tweezers. His back, neck, and arms were covered in bee stings, and parts were starting to swell. Edea had no idea how Ringabel had ended up in this situation, and he didn’t seem to want to explain himself. He just showed up at her door with a slightly burnt clothes and a few visible red spots on his face. When she asked what had happened, his only response was a request for her to help get the stingers out.

“I promise I’m trying, Edea! It’s just so uncomfortable!” Ringabel whined as he tried to stiffen up. Edea could tell he was in a lot of pain, but there wasn’t much she could do until he could hold completely still.

“The sooner you stop squirming, the sooner I can get these out,” she said as she attempted to pluck out the first stinger. Though she was successful at getting it out, she had managed to tug at a small bit of skin in the process. Ringabel made a small noise in discomfort.

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t try and hurt me more during this process,” he complained as he went to rub the area Edea had pulled from. Edea rolled her eyes and went to pull another stinger that was nearby.

“Toughen up, it was just a pinch! It’s not going to kill you!” she said as she continued her work. “You’re lucky you didn’t turn out to actually be allergic to bees.”

Ringabel shrugged. “Bees? Obviously not. Pollen? Possibly. Anything else? I don’t remember, but I’m not dead yet,” he sarcastically joked as he slumped over. He was obviously irritated, but anybody who had just been stung by a dozen bees would be. Edea took out another three stingers and put the tweezers down.

“Don’t you think it would be easier if we took you to a white mage? Or we could at least ask Agnès for help,” Edea suggested. Ringabel didn’t seem like the idea though, as he quickly turned around and began to show his disapproval.

--

I don’t really have much to say now other than you can vote here.

[deaku]

The Arrival of Geon

Hey look at this, a submission from me. Yay! Sure it's short, but it's something ^_^

**********   In the skies over a small valley within the lands of Datalus a metallic being soared, sunlight shining off outstretched metal wings. The being's name was Alexon and he was an air type mechatallic, one of a race of artificial beings. Alexon altered his flight path and swooped down to land on a cliff overlooking the valley, his wings and flight engines folding behind his back as his feet touched the ground.

 Alexon was returning from escorting Princess Crystalline to the city of Marsen in western Datalus; King Marshallo had sent his daughter to the western lands because the Kingdom of Galvinor to the northeast was threatening to attack Datalus over a made-up slight. General Quent of Marsen said there was nothing to fear from the small kingdom, he and his army could easily defeat them if they dared attack. Still the King wanted to ensure his only child's safety and decided sending her to a walled city on the other side of the kingdom was the best way to keep her from harm. So Princess Crystalline and her entourage had traveled to the well-protected city of Marsen, escorted by Alexon.

 After the Princess had safely arrived at Marsen Alexon began his trip back to Datalus’s capitol Gokale on the shores of Lake Corrinu. Something he enjoyed doing on his frequent trips between the cities of east and west Datalus was stop at this valley to admire the natural beauty. He knew his fellow mechatallics back in Gokale would probably laugh at him and call him sentimental but Alexon didn't care, he truly enjoyed the majestic beauty of this valley. The valley itself was deep in the wilderness far away from any roads or trade routes. The only time that people came to the valley as far as Alexon knew was when King Marshallo would occasionally hunt there.  Alexon continued to look around; ever since coming across it he had wondered why this valley had never been settled, it had more than enough resources for people to live comfortably. Then again the mountains and hills surrounding the valley along with thick forest did make it rather difficult to get to on foot. The only reason the King knew about the valley was that he was an avid explorer in his youth and had done his best to chart as much of Datalus as he could.

 Alexon finally decided that it was time to continue his journey, there would be other times for him to admire the valley. He unfolded his wings and began to start up his engines as he started preparing to take back to the air. But a sudden low rumbling sound caught the mechatallic's attention and not long after the rumbling started the ground began shaking. Alexon shut down his engines as he lost his balance and went down to one knee while he was trying to figure out what was going on.

 The rumbling continued though it was beginning to sound like a series of explosions from underneath the ground rather than the rumbling of an earthquake. Regaining his footing despite the continuing shaking of the ground Alexon managed to look around and saw huge fissures opening in the center of the valley. The explosion-like sound came again, and again, fissures widening and new ones appearing each time.

 The noise and shaking finally ceased and Alexon could see the floor of the valley had enormous fissures covering it. But just as peace seemed to be settling in after the chaotic event the shaking started again accompanied by the sound of crumbling and breaking rock as the floor of the valley began to collapse. While the cliff upon which Alexon stood was stable all he could do was watch as the valley sank down and became a deep crater full of broken earth and debris. Alexon stared into the crater that had once been a beautiful valley and wondered what could have caused such a thing to happen; nothing he knew of, except possibly the will of the gods, was capable of such a thing at such a large scale.

 Suddenly the ground seemed to erupt as chunks of earth and debris were blasted upward as something quickly emerged from under the ground. Alexon raised his arms to attempt to protect himself from the falling debris that was raining down on him at the edge of the crater, his vision obscured by dust as he was pelted with small rocks and pieces of wood. As the dust cleared he could see something rising up from the center of the crater; it was some sort of tower that appeared to be made out of metal, an enormous tower several hundred feet tall. It was then that Alexon realized that he wasn’t looking at a tower, it was an enormous arm. The fist atop the arm slowly opened and the fingers flexed before the hand slammed down to the floor of the crater to gain purchase and begin pulling up the rest of its form. There was another eruption of debris as another arm burst forth and then slammed its hand down and began pulling the same as the first. The broken earth between the two arms began to rise and everything began to shake once more, as the rising debris rose higher it began to drop away from what was underneath slowly revealing a mammoth form. A humanoid upper body straightened itself and the metallic surface shined in the light as the broken earth and debris all fell away; the body had the appearance of heavy armor topped by a helmeted head with four swept-back horns, the face was a blank surface except for two eyes which glowed a brilliant violet. It continued pulling itself up from beneath the ground and soon a leg emerged and rose up to gain enough footing that the rest quickly followed as it stood up. The gargantuan entity stood to its full height revealing itself to be a veritable humanoid mountain, the metal colossus was thousands of feet tall.

 At first Alexon did not know what to make of the being before him; he just stood there in awe of the enormous entity as it seemed to survey the area around it, not even taking notice of the mechatallic staring up at it. Alexon then realized just what he was staring at and for the first time since his awakening two hundred years prior he felt fear. Alexon was staring at The Life Stealer, The Soul Eater, The Dragons' Annihilation.

 "Geon the Doombringer." Alexon said in horror as he stumbled backward.

 Geon raised its hands up to the sky and a slight glowing aura surrounded it before briefly intensifying and expanding outward as a wave of energy flowing from the metal giant. Alexon raised his arms in a futile gesture to block the incoming energy but felt nothing as the wave of power washed over him. As the energy wave hit the trees behind him he heard the cries of animals and saw birds take to the air. As the energy wave continued on for some distance Geon's hands lowered and everything living began glowing with an eerie luminance, everything except for Alexon.

 Streams of some sort of energy began flowing from everything, plant and animal, to Geon and absorbed into the immense entity’s form. Alexon quickly realized that Geon must have been draining everything of its life-force. Alexon himself seemed to be immune; he thought perhaps it was because he was a mechatallic who are not alive in the same way that other things are alive and thus their life can not be stolen in the same way. But Alexon's horror intensified as everything living around him started to fall apart and become a fine white sand; the grass and trees near him simply collapsed into piles of sand, a wolf managed to bolt from the collapsing trees but then crashed to the ground and became a scattering of the sand. Even the birds that had taken to the air simply became clouds of dust and sand raining down from the sky.

 Then Geon began to move, slowly but inexorably taking a step forward, moving eastward as energy continued to flow into it. Alexon finally came to his senses when he saw the direction the Doombriger was heading. He realized that if Geon kept with its present course it would eventually reach the capital while trampling over several towns and villages along the way. Alexon once again extended his wings and fired up his engines, he took to the air pushing himself to go as fast as he could. Geon took no notice of the mechatallic as the small being flew on ahead of it.

 Alexon knew he had absolutely no chance of stopping Geon. If the dragons failed to stop the Doombringer all those centuries ago what chance did he have? Looking down Alexon saw the desert of death spreading below him, spreading out from Geon and slowly moving forward as the gigantic entity moved. It was happening slowly and he quickly outdistanced Geon and its area of life absorption. Alexon knew there was only one thing he could do for the people of Datalus. He would have to stop at each settlement in Geon's path and warn them of the incoming danger, telling them to flee in a direction that would take them out of the range of Geon’s life absorption. With his speed Alexon could easily reach each settlement before Geon came within range. As he altered his course and flew towards the first village in Geon’s path Alexon knew he had to do it, he was the only one who could give the people of Datalus a chance at survival. ********** This is actually from a Dungeons & Dragons setting I've been working on for a very long time (like since the mid-90s, back during 2nd edition) that I call Magestica. A good deal of it is still floating around in my head but I've a fair bit of info written down as well. Recently I decided to do some editing/rewriting/updating of what I had written down to add some more detail and add in some more ideas I've had since first writing things down, including this short little story/scene. And I figured I might as well post it since it's certainly been a while since I've posted something. As for what's going on here... Well as the story tells Geon is a gigantic entity which emerges from underground and absorbs the life energy of everything in the area and along its path. Geon has appears every thousand years at the turn of each millennium rising from the depths and leaving a path of death before sinking back into the ground. This is actually its forth documented appearance. As for Alexon he is a Mechatallic, one of the races I created for my setting. The Mechatallics were discovered about 500 years prior to this event sealed in pods buried in chambers deep under the islands the Gnome inhabit; while nobody, not even the Mechatallics themselves, know exactly how they came to be most guess they were somehow created artificially long ago. There are actually multiple types of Mechatallics of which Alexon is an Air type, one of the rarer types. Anyway I suppose that's it for now feel free to ask questions if you'd like ^_^ If anyone's interested I could post some of the other things I have written down. Though the only other things I have to post at the moment beside this little story are the profiles/info for 3 races; the elves and the two races I created for his setting the Mechatallics and the Tigarra, along with a list of deities.

[lytahalifax]

XI Questions Tag

(I don’t know why I did that in Roman numerals, I’m obviously in a weird mood :)

I was tagged by @byjillianmaria​ for this. Rules: always post the rules, answer the questions given to you, write 11 questions of your own, tag 11 people. I don’t think I really know 11 people here, or can come up with 11 questions, so I promise NOTHING with regards to following rules. Because I am an iconoclast*, baby! (makes air guitar gestures and noises) *iconoclast (n) = a fancy way to say “lazy”.

Questions:

1.) What’s a line of dialogue that you’re most proud of? Holy cripes, that’s kind of a tough one to answer, having written a bunch, and forgotten even more, in the past four years. I would say it’s easier for me to talk about chapters of things I’m proud of, and in that, I’m particularly proud of a chapter I wrote in my Mass Effect series “Once More Unto The Breach” called “We Who Are About Die”. It’s essentially about the people who initially designed and floated the specs for The Catalyst, and how they came together as one race and expended all their efforts, not in self-preservation, but in giving the galaxy a fighting chance against the Reapers. They knew it might take millions and millions of years for their goal to be achieved, if ever, but they were committed, almost as one, to the notion, choosing to die not screaming and in fear, but as an almost indomitable force that would not be denied, no matter how long it too for their plan to bear fruit. However, there was a line my editor particularly adored that spun off from that whole thread, about “the weight of a billions years of justice, no longer denied”.  My Shepard also had some really nice comedic bits throughout that whole series. OMUTB, as my first real “child”, is the series I made absolutely the most mistakes with, but also am the proudest of to this day. “Near Wild Heaven” from “Black Swan” is another personal favorite, a chapter I was having so much fun writing, I had to force myself to stop. 

2.) Which of your characters would you most like to hang out with? Camilla Davies from Black Swan. I suspect she would understand me and my life experiences the best out of anyone on the planet, would be able to give me savagely effective life advice, and possibly transfer my brain into a cloned female body. In fact, I think I’d probably really enjoy hanging out with her, Reese and Alanna; I always felt they were kind of the Three Musketteers of SOAP. Bledoc Caitor, a one off OC I wrote for Once More Unto The Breach as a shoutout to a longtime reader, would be a distant second because he would probably make me the galaxy’s best bowl of ramen, and I really, really love ramen. 3.) Do you have any goals for the rest of 2017? Survive the oncoming storm of massive life and career changes coming up in the final quarter of 2017, and essentially prepare for some major life retooling I hope to achieve in 2018. Unfortunately, this probably means taking a sabbatical or otherwise semi-retiring from writing, at least for a while.

4.) What season inspires you the most? It’s a toss up between Spring and Autumn. Probably Spring; March/April is usually about the time I come out of my winter doldrums and do a lot of my writing again. 5.) If you could rewrite one part of an already-published work, what would it be? The first 20 chapters of Once More Unto the Breach. Well..maybe not ALL of them, but holy crap, there are some massive technical errors and embarrassing gaffs and continuity glitches I made there. I very nearly gave up on the entire endeavor were it not for the fact that I started working with a real top notch editor who essentially trained me how to be a better ,more effective writer, and it’s clear the final 20 chapters are SO much better as a result. I might also redo “To Bask In Your Starshine”. But maybe not. 6.) Do any of your characters have pets? What kind? Shepard kept coming back to the Normandy, even when she didn’t command it anymore, to collect Space Hamsters from the lower decks. Her oldest daughter has a pet kakliosaur. I imagine Camilla has a couple of cats, because they were the only animals she could really relate to: one of them is a tortie Maine Coon, which she adopted because she liked the coloration, not realizing how diva-esque torties are in their behavior. Reese probably has a fancy tropical fish tank setup he poured way too much time and money into. Nicole has a dog, like a golden retriever or a bulldog or something. A mutt for sure.

7.) What’s your favorite thing to do when you’re feeling uninspired? This is the answer - or at least part of it - that will make people gasp in shock and go, “Lyta! You can’t say things like that!” I have two techniques: one I would recommend, and one I would not. It should be obvious which is which. First, I smoke weed. Not often, not all the time, I’m actually on a bit of a six month break from it. I don’t smoke specifically going in to look for inspiration, I just do it to relax, but I would be lying if I said there weren’t times when inspiration didn’t come and come HARD when I was stoned. At least two of my stories, Old Soul and How Can I Sleep?, are the result of me breaking through serious blocks after toking up. Seriously, I could not figure out how to do Old Soul and almost gave up until I got baked and started watching old 1970s tv commercials, and then it came to me. I’m pretty damn sure that good chunks of the final three chapters of Black Swan came to me while I was toked up as well. Second, and much more often, I go for a lot of walks. Like a lot a lot of walks. I try to walk about 12,000 steps a day at a minimum now, which is probably why I’ve lost 20 pounds since April. But for years, I’ve done this when I can, because I find it can get me into a good “zen headspace”, almost like a walking meditation, where ideas flow easier from out of the great miasma of notions inside my brain. Large chunks of Black Swan chapters 5 through 12 were “flashes of inspiration” that came to me when I got “into the zone” during walking, and made sure to write quick emails to myself on my cell phone, so I wouldn’t forget. I’m pretty sure the same goes for Grande Dame, and definitely so for Bearing Witness to Time. If it weren’t for my walks, I wouldn’t have most of my writing ideas. Indeed, it’s gotten so that if I go down a path I haven’t traveled in a long time, my brain starts to play back memories of writing a particular story, as if the brainstorming somehow became encoded in the local metalayer of that location, and walking through it is like replaying a tape in my mind.

8.) Do you have a go-to writing snack/drink? Beef jerky. Usually of the spicy variety It’s high in protein, tasty, and a provides a viscerally satisfying experience in the eating of. Grrr! Chomp! Chew chew chew. 

There is an awesome jerky shop at Container Park in Las Vegas that I love to stock up at whenever I’m there...unfortunately my supply never lasts. I should probably find out if they do mail order.

9.) Do you have any self-indulgent stories/characters that you’d never publish (or even write down)? Hah! Oh boy.....yeeeeeah. There was this one crack fic I came up with called “The Yurizoku Formula, or GAYBIES!” It was a weird story, in the vein of “Chloe Price’s Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny (which I recently took down for personal reasons) or “Today’s Fish is Trout ala Creme” from OMUTB. If I remember correctly, the long and short of it is Warren accidentally infecting Brooke with a virus that makes her incredibly irresistible to all the women on campus, and she has to deal with their unwanted affections as she tries to get through her day, growing increasingly exasperated and flustered, sorta in the vein of Miyuki-chan in Wonderland. I remember it being much funnier and more clever back then than it obviously is. Sometimes I get ideas and my own personal kinks bleed through a little too much...as an example, the end of “The Domina Effect” in Black Swan was originally written to be a faiiiir bit more “sexy” between Rachel and Victoria, but NQW correctly convinced me to drop it. (As an example of my “kinks”, my first complete work ever written was a lesbian erotica sci-fi mind control story which I called Love is the Drug, which sadly I lost the files to before I could submit it to an appropriate archive. There are actually strong echos of this story in A Power Greater Than My Own...the bit where Victoria, as the domme, finds herself feeling helpless in the face of her so-called submissive at the end, because of how hard she’s fallen in love with her. I) I was also thinking about writing an AU fic in the ME universe called Domination: A Love Story, where the Asari are much more in the mold of Frank Herbert’s “Honored Matres” from the later Dune novels, and a 19 year old Shepard is helpless to watch as her colony ship is essentially taken over by an Asari “diplomatic expedition” who are slowly but inexorably brainwashing everyone over to their way of thinking. Not every Asari agrees with this method of behavior however, prompting a young(er) Liara T’Soni to try and help Shepard get through the horror of that particular situation; in the end, she’s forced to temporarily brainwash Shepard, in order to keep up appearances around the Asari Inquisitors, but eventually “releases” Shepard, so the two of them can run off and join a resistance cell.  Huh...I might actually come back to that one someday... Usually, when I get ideas that are terribly self-indulgent, they tend to not hang around, and then get swept out by whatever part of my brain reclaims needed storage space for better things. I’m sure there are whole stories that I’ve completely forgotten about. 10.) What works inspire you to be a better writer? Oh gleesh. Believe it or not, one of the reasons I tend to avoid reading other peoples work in general, with some exceptions, is that I find it very intimidating and daunting. Like “OMG! This person is so good, how could you even think that you are on the same level with them, you absolute hack? What could you possibly have to offer up to the great Singularity of Human Artistic Expression that someone hasn’t already done, and done WAY WAY better than you? For instance, I’ve specifically avoided watching TransParent on Amazon, because I still have an idea for a TV show about a “transhumanist transwoman” which I call “Swing Out Sister”. I probably will never do it, but I’m afraid that if I watch Jeffrey Tambor’s no doubt AMAZING work, I will give it up forever and ever. That said, the things I am watching right now that just blow me away with their style and panache are Rick and Morty and especially BoJack Horseman; I’m most of the way through BoJack season 4 and holy holy holy shit. Obviously, I am a fan of dark, almost cynical takes on the nature of suffering and the human condition. 11.) Say something nice about your writing! (Not a question, don’t care). What?! No! You can’t make me, you’re not my supervisor! Oh, okay. I will say this: people tell me that I am really good at writing dialogue, and this is the only thing I have ever agreed with. I write good dialogue. Sometimes, I even write great dialogue. Once, I wrote superb dialogue - I suspect. Dialogue and snappy patter is my forte, along with weird, high level ideas that I can never properly fill the details in. I’m good at A to C plotting, but figuring out “B” is where I still need a lot of work. Okay, well, I enjoyed this a lot but I am going to be a Naughty Lyta, and not pass it forward. At least, not for now, but I reserve the right to pick it back up and move it forward at a later date.

[samleheny]

The good that can come from this crappy Ghost in the Shell remake

I’m a big Ghost in the Shell fan. I love cyberpunk, transhumanism, Eastern design sensibilities, all that good stuff. It’s no surprise I didn’t expect this Hollywood remake to be any good, nor that critics so far are pretty unanimously reporting that it isn’t, nor that I’m not interested enough to find out for myself and send the message “Yes Hollywood, my curiosity will get the better of me and you will end up getting my money regardless of whether or not you did a good job”. Whatever. The word is it’s visually engaging but that the action is dull and it’s emotionally and philosophically desolate (the very latter is a death knell for any GitS project as far as I’m concerned). I’m less sad that it had to happen to this franchise in particular and more so because I yearn for those days when Hollywood sci-fi knew how to be both thrilling and intellectually stimulating at the same time. Now days it’s one or the other, or sometimes neither. But I’m trying to look to the good, and I think there is some good. About this whole white-washing controversy of casting Scarlet Johanson as Major Motoko Kusanagi. We all should understand that people are less pissed off about the particular instance of casting a white person in the role of an east Asian character than they are about the larger issue it points to. No movie executive at any point sat down and said “This 1995 Mamoru Oshii classic is brilliant! But it could be even better... It could be... white!” No, they just wanted a big star in the lead role and they valued that more so than artistic authenticity, which only becomes a practical issue when one realises that when it comes to big names in the English language film space, the only actresses of Asian ethnicity with that kind of ticket selling star power are... um... Lucy Liu, and... uuuh... ...that’s about it I guess.

How did we get here? The implications aren’t nice to think about unless you want to make unfounded claims that “Dude! White people and a smaller contingent of black people are just genetically more inclined to pursue a career in acting! I know science, I have the best science!” But the studio has actually bent over backwards to try and placate an internet crying bullshit. Do you think just five or ten years ago said studio would have given a shit what we thought on the matter? Probably not. Reports were that they at one point considered ‘yellowing’ Ms. Johanson up in post production, but quickly decided away from that, since unless you’re Cloud Atlas, that’s only going to make things worse. The solution they actually attempted in the end is a bit more... amusing.

I’m going to spoil the twist of the movie here. So they ended up renaming the character Mira Killian for this adaptation, perhaps reasoning that it’s slightly less damning to rewrite the character then to have people sitting in the theatre shuffling uneasily in their seats, subconsciously wondering “Why does seminal Japanese heroine Motoko Kusanagi look remarkably like white as hell Scarlet Johanson?”. This time around she has amnesia and can’t remember who she was before having her brain put into a prosthetic body. I’ve seen people in forums already taken to referring to the character as “MINO” (Motoko In Name Only).

The twist? Turns out she really is Motoko Kusanagi, and her brain was put into a Caucasian body and she was renamed by your standard big evil corporation, robbing her of her past and identity. ...Wait, what? You can see what they were going for, attempting a clever meta-narrative, shaking a finger at the internet and saying “Isn’t it what’s on the inside that counts?”. But it just amounts to the studio basically calling themselves out for their casting inflexibility. The evil corporation taking a Japanese character and dipping her in Caucasia being noticeably, almost deliberately analogous to what the film makers did with the character in the first place. Are they trying to tell us they know they did wrong by vilifying themselves in their own movie? Drawing attention to the issue, without actually doing anything about it?

To be fair, it isn’t a bad idea for a story, in the abstract. Highlighting things like race as being rendered truly tertiary and unimportant by cybernetic augmentation separating the identity and the flesh further apart then ever before in the human experience. But it’s depressing that they didn’t write that first and then reason “well that means we perhaps need an actress who doesn’t match Motoko’s traditional appearance.” But instead only conceived of this plot point as a way of retroactively justifying their casting choice. Just like it’s all well and good to talk about how The performance is what matters, and if race really shouldn’t separate us, then why do we insist a character’s ethnicity must remain rigidly consistent across the various reimaginings? But as soon as it’s the other way around, and a historically white character is being reimagined as black, or Latino, or what have you, then that philosophy gets switched out for a very different one. One that says race isn’t important, but race issues are, and when the western and usually Caucasian perspective already dominates huge chunks of the international pop culture, then it’s good, perhaps even necessary for concessions to be made to welcome people of other backgrounds into that dominant culture (a philosophy I find much more agreeable.)

Because this was never about white or Asian or American or Japanese or Japanese specifically or will any East Asian actress do? It’s about sharing the spotlight. Hence why taking one of the few international properties widely recognised and celebrated outside of its country of origin, sucking out the ground breaking Eastern philosophical tones, and bolting Scarlet Johanson onto the project because ‘She’s so hot right now!’ may not be a travesty or the end of the world, but it’s a disappointing waste of an opportunity. It feels like taking gruel from hungry orphans and feeding it to Bill Gates.

Plus... you know. A lot can be forgiven if the end product turns out really really good.

But the good in all this? Well like I said: even if their efforts just made the situation all the more laughable, they did go through pains to try and placate the backlash, which means they do care. Okay. Yes. The thing they care about is protecting a brand’s profitability in the face of an audience whose wallets are proving harder to seduce than anticipated, but now as opposed to yesteryear they might see that issues of diversity in the arts shouldn’t be shoved off to the side just because we gotta get dat sweet Scarlet Johanson money!

Because the cash-cow of Hollywood now, for better or worse, is the nerd. And nerds by definition care a lot about the minutiae. But perhaps more importantly than that, Hollywood is increasingly aware that the future looks a lot less western and a lot less white than the present. Why do you think Marvel is introducing all these Black, Latino, Middle Eastern, Mixed race, Gay, Asian, etc, characters into the comics? It’s because in ten years, when they still want to be making big superhero blockbusters, they’ll need new characters to replace the expired contracts of Captain America and Iron Man, etc. And they figure it behooves them to build into their future a lot more appeal for the increasingly diversifying movie going public.

I believe (with no small amount of chagrin) that we’re only going to see more and more adaptations of classic anime. Hollywood has a horrible track record with them of course, but consider that Hollywood is increasingly interested in courting the ever growing Chinese market, and making more films with Eastern themes, settings, and styles is a pretty good way to accomplish that. And consider also that there’s nothing the Hollywood genre-film machine fears more than spending money on new and untested ideas. With both of those factors in mind I think the solution for Hollywood will become obvious in time if it isn’t already, and it involves a crappy Akira remake, a crappy Sailor Moon remake, a crappy Evangelion remake, and crappy Studio Ghibli remakes (Oh you don’t think they'd dare? You wanna make a wager?). Japan is, after all, the most successful entertainment producer on an international scale outside of the English speaking countries. (Hmmm, possibly after France. Vivendi has its tendrils all over the place.) I don’t look forward to it, because I don’t look forward to a lot of remakes, because I find the current landscape of aversion to new ideas and forced franchise perpetuity incredibly depressing. But as far as learning how to do a better job of adaptation in the future, for once the studio didn’t just notice the backlash to white-washing a beloved foreign classic, they actually fretted over it. And perhaps they will next time. And with the memory of this “MINO” character fresh in their minds, hopefully they’ll have those frets before making a casting choice. At which point I hope the solution will be as obvious to them as it was to the fans.

Live action Akira will probably happen (it already almost did, and they wanted to move it from Neo-Tokyo to Neo-Manhattan) it will probably suck despite being a big blockbuster, but at least there’s a better chance now it will be a blockbuster that could be the breakout role of some talented young Japanese American somewhere who doesn’t otherwise have much hope of being offered a role as the latest superhero. And some young kid from Asian immigrant parents might see him on the silver screen and feel impassioned.

[farylslair]

MEGA Spring Break Update: Author Fair, Audiobook, and Holding Myself Accountable - March/April

This should be of no surprise to anyone, but I am super behind in keeping this blog up to date. Case in point:

I am posting the next Holding Myself Accountable when it’s almost halfway over

I forgot to post a last-minute reminder about the Stark County District Library’s Local Authors Fair, which I did literally everywhere but here.

I’ll admit, it was mainly school (aka midterms) that kept me from writing anything up, although actually working to achieve the HMA goals (and, yes, I did actually make the list at the beginning of March--I just forgot to post it) took up a good chunk of my time as well. However, it’s the start of spring break, which means I have slightly more time on my hands, so let’s get started.

First, to jazz things up a bit, here are some pictures from my and @sthoover1′s “booth” at the Author Fair:

(pictured: S. T. Hoover’s “excited” face)

(picture taken by S.T. Hoover; in case you wanted to know what I look like in a snazzy black polo)

(the questionMark display)

(S. T. Hoover’s display for Michael Ridding)

(the hardcover “prototype” for Michael, plus a teaser for his next book)

(special cameo by Mary Ann Donuts CUPCAKE MOCHA coffee)

(one of the copies of questionMark in circulation at the library--AWESOME!)

Overall, it was a very fun and rewarding experience. We both had a blast--not only did we get the word out about our books, but we also met some amazing people as well (if you’re one of them and you’re reading this, hi! =D).

I’d go into more detail about how rewarding the experience was, but I think S. T. Hoover put it best in his most recent blog post:

While I don’t typically give advice, since I feel as such a new author that would be inappropriate, I do feel safe in saying this: If you have an opportunity like I did, where you know the book will be out or already is out, no matter the size or scope of the event, do it so long as it’s reputable. Not all of them are, so do your research. But even this little library event, for how small it was, made all the difference, and I felt it every time I talked with an author or reader. Even if no one attended the event, I think the authors would have been more than fine mingling and talking amongst themselves, and for the first time in my life, I felt like one of them. I felt professional–more professional than all the posting and tweeting in the world will ever make me feel. So if you’re asked or you want to attend, and you have the book(s) (or some form or writing) to back yourself up, definitely look into events like the one I attended. It’ll be worth it if you know what you’re doing.

Overall, the Author Fair was a huge success, and I can’t wait to go to more events like this.

As a sidenote, if there’s enough interest, I may sell signed “event” copies of questionMark for a limited time. If you’re interested, shoot me a message on your favorite social media platform (except Instagram because ... I still need to make one), and we can work something out, probably involving PayPal.

Now, for something that’s a little less overdue: The questionMark audiobook is almost done--and I mean it this time. It’ll officially be approved tonight (as in March 26th, the day of writing this post) or tomorrow, and once we get the final details worked out, we can have an official release date. 

The day before this unknown release date, though, we will have a flash sale on the questionMark eBook, so you’ll be able to get it for $0.99 for THAT DAY ONLY. So if you’ve always wanted the questionMark eBook, but you just didn’t know when the right time would be, this is it. My suggestion would be to keep your eyes peeled, or check on Facebook and Twitter in case I forget to post about it here (again).

And now, for something a little more overdue (even more so than the Author Fair news): 

Holding Myself Accountable - March/April 2017

Ah, yes, the bimonthly goals (why bimonthly? I don’t feel like explaining, so read about it here) are back with a vengeance. Now, keep in mind that because the goal period is halfway over, I’ve already completed--or gotten close to completing--some of these goals, so this list isn’t as “pure” as it would have been at the beginning of the month. However, I managed to learn from last time (or, at least, I hope), and so I’ve set these a little better and given myself a little more room to breathe, especially with school bearing down on me.

To recap, the objective is to complete at least 6/10 of these goals by April 30th (No extended deadline for being late!).

So, without further ado:

1. Get to a Certain Point in Project A

I’ve actually spent a good part of March working toward this one, so that’s where a lot of my free time has been going, and I’m actually almost done. Once I get to that point, though, I’m probably going to take a break from it for a while and focus on other writing-related goals, such as the other ones on this list. I don’t want this book to eat up too much of my time, as much as I love it to death, since (if you haven’t seen my tweets about it) Project A looks like it’s going to be massive. Like, maybe twice as big as questionMark. It’s already surpassed my finished draft of Project C in length, and it’s only about halfway finished. So, yeah, after this one, I’m forcing myself to focus on other things.

2. questionMark Review Goal

Same deal as last time, since last time, I didn’t really have as much time to devote to this. Reviews are super important, and especially with the Author Fair being such a success, I’d like to get as many for questionMark as I can.

3. questionMark Overall Sales Goal

Again, same deal as last time, since last time--again--I didn’t have as much time to devote to marketing as I had anticipated. Now, when I say “overall”, I mean questionMark in all forms--paperbacks, eBooks, and--soon--audiobooks, so when release time rolls around, this should be a little more manageable.

4. Rewrite “Research”

This is one of the things I wanted to devote my time not working on Project A towards. I know I said in the last post that I wanted to focus less on short stories this time around, but since this piece has waited so long for a rewrite and it has a lot of potential, I felt that it needed to be the exception. 

5. ????????????

No, this is not a placeholder for a goal I still need to think of because that would be stupid. Instead, this one is a little surprise that we’ve been planning for a while, but we just need to wait for the right time to reveal it ...

6. Listen to the Full questionMark Audiobook At Least Once

Okay, this one, I did manage to complete. Now, I originally made this one to tell myself how time-sensitive this goal was, but it’s just as important as any of the others, since I’m the one who gives the ultimate yay or nay on whether the narrator’s adaptation accurately represents the original material. So now that I did that (and I’m almost done doing it again), the audiobook can come out ...

7. questionMark Audiobook Sales Goal

... leading right into the next goal. I’m only giving special attention to the audiobook because that’s the next in line to be released, and I want it to have a good opening so the book is back on people’s radars.

8. Start mailing list OR Outline Project D

I’m going to cut myself a little bit of slack on this one and give myself a choice of two goals here, since they’re of about equal importance. One is to start a mailing list, mainly for people who either don’t have social media or want to actually be notified when something happens (or both). There are a few more kinks that we need to work out in order to get that started, so the goal is to ... well, work them out. The alternate goal is to start a comprehensive outline for Project D, a different kind of book (in more ways than one) that I’ve been wanting to do for a while but never had the time or means. However, the opportunity I DO have to work on it is coming up fast, so I need to start getting it ready as soon as possible.

9. questionMark “Event Copies” Sales Goal

Originally, this goal was called “Author Fair Sales Goal”, but I wanted to cut myself some slack since the number of people who gushed about how amazing I am and bought ten copies of the book was one of the things that wasn’t completely in my control (and I’ll try not to embarrass myself with these kinds of goals in the future). Instead, I wanted to extend this to apply to the signed/personalized “event” copies in general, since I may be selling them on my own, separately from the online stock.

10. Read 3 New Books AND 2 Nostalgic Books

Ugh, THIS goal. The one that ruined my life last time around. Well, not anymore! I’ve managed to condense it down so it’s a LITTLE less impossible this time, although I’ll probably still cheat and primarily read shorter books. No tentative lists this time, since it’ll be pretty much up to what’s going on and how much time I have.

So, there you go. Long story short, I’m ready to get back into the swing of things, and the Author Fair was a fantastic morale boost. I’ll try to keep this blog a little more up-to-date than I have been, especially with news about the audiobook and questionMark/Project C/Project A updates.

Until then, thanks for sticking around, and stay tuned for more updates.