#I have to wait over 100 episodes to see these disasters in the same room again

[namig42]

I'm so upset.

Who was gonna tell me that Zoro isn't there for the Whole Cake arc in One Piece?

The amount of shit Zoro would've said at that duel to Sanji would've been INCREDIBLE AND I FEEL SO ROBBED THAT ZORO ISN'T HERE TO DISS HIS MAN THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH

[dreaming-of-assclass]

Do you have any science project group headcanons like for groups like Nagisa, Kayano, Maehara, and Kataoka that were grouped for science class like in season 1 episode 5 (Assembly Time)

Oooooh! Love asks like these!!! 💚

And thanks to this post by the awesome @/greengargouille, we know all the canon groups!

Itona and Ritsu aren’t in official groups, so I put them in where I thought they’d fit in best!

1. Isogai, Mimura, Nakamura, Okano

Wow...I forgot that Nakamura and Okano were ever in the same group

But I love it because I HC their friendship to be a casual but hella fun one

Isogai and Mimura are old friends from last year! I imagine there’s slight awkwardness on Mimura’s side given that they’re in different friend groups now. But Isogai is very friendly and aware, so it passes pretty soon

Nakamura is one of the biggest causes of Isogai’s headaches lmao. But hey, at least they’re on the same wavelength academically.

POOR OKANO. SHE IS A JOCK SURROUNDED BY ACADEMICS.

Well at least she’s interested in science and it’s her best subject. She still feels bored unless they’re dealing with physics, then she’s completely on top of her game.

Nakamura and Okano are the chaotic half. Isogai and Mimura are the ones who wanna get shit done. Unless the girls manage to drag poor Mimura into doing dumb stuff

Have I ever told you guys that once in my Chemistry lab, one of my friends and I managed to break the sink faucet? Like we destroyed it lmfao

That is Nakamura and Mimura friendship energy ngl

Okano is one of Isogai’s most dependable close friends, but she also loves to annoy him for no reason sometimes.

So she’ll ask obvious questions with a smug smile, trying to watch his patience explode. But jokes on her because Isogai has an infinite amount of patience sadly

2. Kurahashi, Yada, Takebayashi, Kimura

They’re a...fairly productive group lmao

Tbh I don’t think Kurahashi is the type to really pay attention to any science outside of biology like me

So she’ll be a BEAST when it comes to that and get 100′s on everything. But like in chem and physics, she’s not as great

Yada is the best at design and organization, so she always takes that job. Making colorful presentation slides? She got it. Need to type up the final report in a google doc? Yep, she’s your girl

Kimura is a gremlin, like I always say. He’s the clown of the group lmfao and will spend more time stalling and messing around than doing actual work

He also tends to lowkey distract Kurahashi with unrelated convos. He tries to talk to Yada too, but she goes into girlboss mode and ignores him

Guys, everyone give it up for Takebayashi. King is hard carrying this entire group

He’s the one who stays the most focused but on occasion can be distracted by Kimura bringing up topics they’re both into, like certain comics or something.

Kurahashi and Yada also can get caught up in their own conversations since they’re besties. Also they will roast the boys all they want, if they feel like it.

All around, they’re kind of a mediocre group haha

3. Nagisa, Kayano, Maehara, Kataoka, Ritsu

Woah I LOVE this combination of students

I couldn’t help but add Ritsu here hehe. I also like the idea that she’s kind of attached to Kataoka in the beginning, considering all their moments together in canon.

Nagisa and Kataoka act like parent friends, as usual. They’re the ones who wanna work diligently and just get things done.

Maehara and Kayano are the more lenient ones haha. They’ll claim that they have low attention spans. Both Kayano and Maehara much prefer labs and getting to do cool science stuff, at least. 

Also!! It’s good that they’re in this group because they’re social types who can reach out to other groups and get help/answers from them ^^

Kataoka, sighing: “Well, Maehara, at least you have a talent for networking, I guess.”

Ritsu is in between the lenient side and the diligent side. She’s very good at science and can do her work very well!! But sometimes she gets swayed by Maehara and Kayano’s fun attitudes and doesn’t concentrate haha

Kayano keeps getting flustered whenever she’s sitting right besides Kataoka haha. Bonus points if their arms brush or she has to lean over her or something.

Also best believe there’s lots of Big-brother-Maehara and Little-brother-Nagisa moments

4. Kanzaki, Hazama, Yoshida, Muramatsu, Terasaka

So...this is basically just AU where Kanzaki joins the Disaster Squad lmfao

Hazama, Yoshida, Muramatsu, and Terasaka are already besties, we know this. They’re probably totally used to working together.

Enter Kanzaki. A newcomer.

Lmao I don’t think she’d be totally friendly at first. I think she’d be polite but distant, and barely speak up unless they were discussing.

Sgsjhakdj who thought putting the squad together was gonna lead to productivity, they’re probably gonna create so much chaos lmao

Something definitely explodes at least once.

They’re dealing with an acidic chemical and literally the whole class manages to not get burned, except for Terasaka. 

Yoshida voice: “dude you had ONE job”

After a couple classes, Kanzaki breaks out of her shell more and more, and she gets pretty chill with them.

She’s closest with Hazama, and they like to roast the boys at times. Also have random literature discussions that drive Terasaka crazy. “Can y’all not? Like this is literally physics class?”

The squad teasing Yoshida about his crush on Kanzaki whenever he blushes or stutters talking to her

Idk why but I really like the idea of a Kanzaki and Muramatsu friendship

5. Hayami, Okuda, Karma, Chiba, Okajima

AWKWARD

THIS IS SUCH AN ODD GROUP LMAO

My bestie Nao made a post on them before which I love

And yeah...I don’t have much to add lol.

Chiba and Karma definitely join forces to insult Okajima at some point

Okajima kind of constantly digs himself into a grave with stupid comments. He almost dies after pointing out how Karma and Hayami act like cats

Okuda doesn’t have to carry the group that much since they’re all fairly smart for the most part. But if you want verified answers, then yeah definitely check in with her

6. Sugino, Fuwa, Hara, Sugaya, Itona

I think this is a really cute and funny group

Sorry, couldn’t resist adding Itona mainly because Hara is in it, and I would love their interactions in a schoolwork-group setting

Tbh?? None of them are very sciency lmao, so they’re that one group you always see in irl class that are very lost. And they’re super vocal about how confused they are adjkhjda

Sugaya, yelling across the room: “Can someone help us? Please?”

Hara takes the reins as leader but more in like a “getting everyone organized and harmonious” way

Sugino takes the charge in the actual lesson work and lab stuff, but he really shouldn’t lmao. I love the boy, he’s a talented genius in so many ways, but he leads them to chaos

Fuwa surprisingly isn’t as vocal in these groups as she usually is. In fact, it’s a little concerning how quiet she- WAIT FUWA ARE YOU REALLY WRITING FANFICTION IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR LAB

#fuwagotexposed

Itona, as usual, is around to make blunt and sarcastic comments that are in no way helpful. If you voice this to him, he will insult your intelligence even more while still looking adorable

He especially comes at Sugino and Sugaya, who feel very attacked. Like?? WHAT DID I DO TO YOU ITONA?

I feel like...while the group descends into confused chaos, Itona just watches with blunt criticisms. Then in the very last seven minutes of class, he takes over and finishes the assignment with 100% accuracy

Sugaya: “YOU LITTLE BASTARD GENIUS-”

Sugino: “WHY DIDN’T YOU DO THIS EARLIER?”

[bigskydreaming]

Little bit from a fic about the next generation of Titans, in a universe where DC’s weird vendetta against Titan offspring isn’t allowed to get in the way of Robert, Lian, Cerdian, Mar’i, Jake, Irey and Jai all growing up together. Also Sarko, the alternate timeline future son of Kyle Rayner and Soranik Natu because hey why not. 

And with special guest appearance by Mar’i and Jake’s alternate universe half-sibling, Thomas Grayson, son of Dick and Babs, and who takes up his universe’s Red Hood mantle after his Uncle Jason.

*****

“I mean, its not like I have a ton of options here.” Lian spread her arms wide to encompass the rest of the Teen Titans and make it all the more self-explanatory. “We kinda all grew up together, and I’m just saying, once you’ve seen a guy shove a crayon up his nose and then eat it, there’s a little less shine on that future prospective love interest.”

“Hey! That was one time, and I was three!”

“Oh Robbie, neither of those things are even a little bit true,” Lian said pityingly.

He scowled. “Oh, like you’re some great catch yourself. You’re the literal dictionary definition of a walking bi disaster. Remember that time you got ahold of one of your dad’s explosive arrows and brought it to daycare and almost blew us both up? What do you call that, huh?”

Lian narrowed her eyes at him and planted her hands on her hips, adopting a challenging tone that - as Mar’i knew from far too many previous experiences - could carry the name “Brace For Impact.”

“Precocious,” she said loftily. “I almost took out a potential world-ending threat all by myself, when I was five. Way to go, me.”

She pivoted to offer an explanation to their bemused extra-dimensional visitor. “See, there was this whole prophecy thing before Robbie was born, about how he was destined to be the god of douchebags and would grow up to take over the world while calling himself something suitably ridiculous like “Lord Chaos.” So periodically we like to check in with his ego, knock it down a few pegs here and there, make sure its still in manageable ranges. Kinda a team-building exercise.”

“Of course, at this point you’re far more likely to all be my actual villain origin story instead,” Robbie grumbled. Lian leveled a smirk at him.

“Oh, we have contingencies for that too.”

“Yeah, we’ll probably just have the twins run around you in circles at hyper-speed while making up shit about alternate timelines and stating it all as absolute fact,” Cerdian contributed from where he still sat cross-legged on the floor, engrossed in his video game. “It drives Rob up the wall. He just physically can’t with them.”

“Oh come on,” Robbie exploded. “Just because I refuse to take them at face value when they just start spouting off BS about alternate timelines where, wait what was it last week, oh yeah, where Jamie Lee Curtis was Buffy the Vampire Slayer....”

“How dare you!” Irey jumped to her feet. “That was 100% true. I watched every single episode and they were all flawless!”

“Six seasons and a moooooovie,” Jai sang out.

“What does that even mean?” Robbie yelled.

Jai picked cackling like a hyena over giving him an actual answer. 

“You’re so weird.”

“Hey! You know better than to give Jai shit for being weird,” Sarko piped up from across the room. “Its not his fault he has West DNA.”

Jai snapped his fingers and pointed at Kid Ion emphatically. “Y’know, its funny he should mention that. There was actually this one timeline once, where practically everything was the same as this one except our dad’s name was Wally East there instead of Wally West. And you and me were best buds there, Rob. We were like. Sympatico.”

Robbie took a deep breath and rubbed his face with his hands. “I hate them so much,” he said in a much calmer, almost subdued tone. Conversationally, even.

Which of course was when Irey jumped up onto the couch and shook her fist at her twin, who shook his right back at her, from his seat on the floor.

“They can’t keep getting away with this!” They yelled, in creepy twin-unison.

Mar’i shook her head and sighed. It was like you could actually see the wind-up mechanism hovering invisibly behind Robbie start back up all over again.

“What are you even quoting right now?! One hundred percent of your references are lost on every person who has a normal relationship with the space/time continuum, which is every single person other than you two!”

“Quick Jai, run! Before he gets us, and our little dog too!” Irey yelled, speeding out of the room, her brother hot on her heels.

“Oh no, not our little dog, Garfield!”

“Toto! The little dog’s name is Toto!”

“No, dude, that’s the hamster from the Lion, the Witch and the Laundry Basket. Which, I understand the confusion there, like you’d think there’d be a lion in that movie, not a hamster named Toto, but I guess it wasn’t meant to be taken literally. It was like, a metaphor.”

“Stoooooooooooop!”

Dramatic silence permeated the room in the wake of the trio’s equally dramatic exit. Lian pursed her lips and turned back to Thomas, contemplatively.

“Now I know what you must be thinking. Its not cool that we all gang up on Robbie like that. And that’s true! But there’s something else you have to keep in mind here.”

Thomas raised an eyebrow. “And what’s that?”

“Its also really fun for the rest of us.”

He laughed. “Hey, no judgment here. I mean, I’m Mar’i and Jake’s half-brother from another universe, remember? You know how this works. I’m probably evil anyway.”

Lian beamed. 

Mar’i gagged. 

[zalrb]

Do you ever wonder how tvd may have looked or developed if Kevin hadn’t left at some point in season 3(I believe his only writing credit was for the first episode)? I feel like even in season 3 the show was still building. Just overall s1 had the distinct dark aesthetic with decent world building as it found footing, s2 was a little more established and developed but polished, s3 expanded the world while bringing back some of the dark vampyness.... and then *disaster*. I guess I just wonder if we could have gotten more witch/vampire/werewolf and angst and darkness(especially since Kevin has spoken about SE, and wanting Bonnie to finally master who she is in the finale, as if he had ideas of plot points to hit and end with). I feel like the universe expanded but Kevin would have dug deeper and tvd may have had more to give and build story wise. I often feel like we got half of what the story of the show was meant to be if that makes sense? And I know you talk about ending theories and such which made me think of this, but I just mean even season 4 with Katherine or even Damon, and the love triangle, and the originals, and KC/TC, SE, vampire Elena, and the supernatural lore in general...I feel there was room to grow and I wonder what that may have looked like with Kevin? I hope this makes sense as an ask (pulled a finals season all-nighter) and not just a ramble statement. 😅

Early seasons TVD were definitely the superior seasons of TVD and that’s a direct result of KW’s involvement but to be honest with you, the world building in seasons 1 and 2 are still incredibly superficial. There is a lot that KW and co started in those seasons that don’t get properly established:

when Stefan talks about desiccation as a form of punishment he mentions that it’s an ancient way, there could’ve been a lot more rules and history to vampirism

“I thought vampires were supposed to hate werewolves” “That’s a leftover idea from another time” except, like, Stefan you and Damon didn’t know werewolves existed until 9 episodes ago so this whole idea of a legacy of hatred that they want to escape feels ridiculous because it’s not like they became vampires understanding that they were supposed to hate werewolves, we’ve seen nothing that suggests that werewolves and vampires hate each other in the series except for the fact that the Lockwoods were minding their own business and Damon was Damon and started something. It’s not even like Jules came to town explaining the history of vampires and werewolves and why they hate each other or showing them like a member who was maimed because of a vampire. In Being Human, vampires legit call werewolves lesser beings.

I’m always kind of “ehhh” about TVD and humanity because it’s applied inconsistently and it’s characterized inconsistently because they conflate humanity with emotion

but this isn’t actually true, Damon spent over 100 years pining over Katherine and waiting for a comet to release her from the tomb, that’s feeling something. And in season 5 they retconned that he flipped his switch after leaving Enzo to burn and didn’t get a flicker of “humanity” until he saw Lexi in episode 8, which is why he killed her, which means without his humanity he was still in love with Katherine. That directly contradicts the above statement, then he goes on to say this:

which isn’t the same thing as having an instinct not to feel, it’s having no conscience or no sense of morality so that if you do something terrible you don’t care about the consequences.

And there are just questions like why exactly wouldn’t the council indoctrinate their children into hating vampires the way they did, what’s the point of having journals if they’re not going to be a part of your familial heritage, why would you start getting them ready at 16/17? In Ready Or Not (which is a great and fun horror movie) the children get involved in the hunt

The tomb vampires come back to get revenge on the descendants of the people who had tried to kill them but to be quite honest, with the exception of Stefan, Lexi and Pearl, vampires as threats is something that is frankly reasonable when we see what carnage they pile up so we need to see in a different way how fucked up it was that the council did that, like I’ve always said, have vampires be pillars of the town, have them be accepted and admired and then the town just turns on them and it’s vicious and cruel, like Kevin spoke about this stain on the town and on their history, this bloody, violent past and he doesn’t really do much with that and also that’s just a euphemism for enslavement when enslavement had already happened but anyway, so I suppose my point would be that things would be explored with Kevin deeper than they had been with Julie at the helm but I wouldn’t expect depth on its own.

[fandomrewrites]

Season 3a, Episode 1: Tattoo

Hello all! I am back! As of now I don’t think there will be a post schedule but I will try to post once a week - sorry ahead of time if that doesn’t happen. Please message me or reply if you want to be added to a taglist. I am also thinking about starting to post my The 100 series rewrite so tell me if that is something that you guys would be interested in reading. I hope you all enjoy and as always constructive criticism is appreciated. 

Season 3a, Episode 1: Tattoo

Pairings: Scott McCall x Twin Sister, Lydia Martin x Best Friend, Isaac Lahey x Reader

Warnings: Mild violence

Word Count: 3,342

Season 3a Masterlist

"Lyds, I don't want to dress up for a date I don't even want to go on." I say exasperated.

"It's not a date. It's a group thing. So hurry up and get your cute little butt dressed in the outfit I picked out. We still need to pick up Allison." Lydia replied leaving no room for argument.

I let out a huff then reach for the clothes to get dressed. 

"Stop your pouting. At least I stuck with black."

I playfully roll my eyes, "Yeah, at the very least."

"Would you prefer pink?" She asks with a raised eyebrow, making her way to her closet.

"God no." I shudder at the thought. Lydia lets out a light laugh and shakes her head. "Okay. I'm good." I hold my hands out and do a spin for Lydia.

"Hot as ever." She replies with a smirk.

I giggle, "Alright, gorgeous. Let's go." I link my arm with hers as we head out of her house to go pick up Allison.

A little while later Lydia, Allison, and I are sitting in Lydia's car driving down the road. "It's not a date. It's just a group thing." Lydia insists.

"Do they know it's a group thing? Because I told you I'm not ready to get back out there." Allison asks from the backseat.

"Seriously. Isaac and I kinda have a thing going. I really don't want to go on a date." I say.

Lydia first addresses Allison, "You were in France and you didn't do any dating? For four months? And you," She glances at me, "Having a thing going is totally not the same thing as dating."

I roll my eyes but let Allison answer, "Did you? I mean after-"

She gets cut off by Lydia, "Do not mention his name."

"Is he okay? I mean, did everything work out?" Allison questions.

"The doctors looked like idiots when he turned up alive, but yes everyone got over it." Lydia replies.

"Derek has been helping me and him with our Werewolf 101 the whole summer." I say looking back at the hunter.

"Like how not to randomly kill people during a full moon." Lydia adds in.

"So you've talked to him?" Allison asks Lydia.

"Not since he left for London."

"You mean since his dad moved him to London."

"Whatever. He left. And seriously? An American werewolf in London? Like that's not going to be a disaster." I let out a light chuckle and shook my head at the remark.

"Then you're totally over him?"

"Would I be going on a group date if I wasn't?" Lydia questions.

Allison and I share a look, both of us having satisfied smiles on our faces. Lydia glances at us then sighs, "Okay, it's a group date. Not an orgy. You'll both live."

She then brakes at a red light. "Isaac better not find out about this." I say, giving my best friend a stern look.

"So is he your boyfriend?" Allison asks with a smile.

"We aren't official or anything. But I care about him a lot."

"And again. This isn't an orgy. If you aren't official he can't get mad at you for going on dates." Lydia says.

Before I can reply Allison gasps from the backseat. She sinks down and has a look of pure shock on her face. I open my mouth to ask what's wrong but she speaks before I get the chance, "Oh my God, oh my God, I can't see him. Not yet."

Lydia and I share a brief look before looking to the side to see Stiles and Scott stopped next to us at the red light. Allison holds her head in her hands trying to hide, "Lydia, go - please. Go, please."

"But the light." Lydia says. Finally, to stop Allison's begging, Lydia steps on the gas, running the red light. With the jeep disappearing in the rearview mirror Lydia asks, "You all right?"

All Allison can do is shake her head. "Lydia, stop. I need to go back. I need to talk to him." Allison says.

Lydia slows the car to a stop. We all glance out the rear window to see that the jeep stopped too. Lydia starts to speak once more but I can't focus. I start to get a dull pain in my chest. 

I look down at my arm to see the hairs start to raise. I cut off whatever Allison was about to say with a very panicked, "Get out of the car."

I reach over to undo my seat belt and open the door, "What?" Lydia asks.

"Now. Get out of the car now." Lydia and Allison both hurriedly follow my directions,  "Move to the back."

"(Y/N/N), what's wro-" Before Allison even has time to finish the sentence a deer comes out of nowhere and slams right into Lydia's car, smashing through the windshield.

"How did you-" Lydia doesn't finish her sentence, too shocked to continue.

I shake my head, "I- I don't... It might have been my danger sense. I just- I never." I can't complete a sentence, still in shock about what happened.

Suddenly Scott and Stiles are now beside us seeing what happened, "Are you okay?" Scott asks.

"It came out of nowhere." Lydia says.

"Are you hurt?" Stiles questions, checking on Lydia then quickly turning to me.

"We're alright. (Y/N) got us out before it hit." Allison says.

I walk over to the front of the vehicle to get closer to the deer as Lydia starts speaking again, "I'm not alright! I'm completely freaked out. Why the hell did it do that?"

Scott starts to make his way over to me and the deer, "It was scared." Scott says.

I look up at him, "No. Terrified."

 *_*_*_*_*_*

 The next morning I quickly get ready changing into something black of course, though to appease Lydia I decided to go with a lighter colored plaid skirt. 

Once at school Lydia and I wait for Allison by her locker. Lydia surveys the faces in the hall, trying to pick out the new faces. "Freshmen. Tons and tons of fresh men."

I smile and shake my head as Allison says, "You mean fresh boys. They're fourteen."

"Some are more mature than others." Lydia tries to argue.

"You know it's okay to be single. Focus on yourself for a little while. Work on becoming a better person." Allison tries again.

"Allison, I love you. So if you need to do the thing where we talk about me and pretend like we're not actually talking about you, that's totally fine. But I don't want a boyfriend. I want a distraction." She pauses, noticing someone, "Like that."

Allison and I both follow her gaze to see a new student moving through the hall. Looking down at his hand I see a black motorcycle helmet held in a gloved hand. A second student joins the first, identical in looks and the fact that they are both carrying identical helmets.

"Brothers?" Allison questions.

"Twins." Lydia and I answer in unison.

As they walk closer to us I pick up a scent. I cock my head to the side as they both make eye contact with me before quickly averting their eyes. Werewolves.

 *_*_*_*_*_*

 Walking into first period with Allison and Lydia, I move to sit in front of Stiles. Lydia sits next to me leaving the only vacant seat right in front of Scott. Allison walks over and awkwardly asks, "Anyone sitting-"

She gets cut off by Scott's answer, "No, no one. It's all you. All yours. Totally... vacant."

Stiles and I both look at him in disbelief. I mean seriously how can he be so awkward with her. Suddenly all the phones in the class start to either vibrate or ding, letting us know that we have a message.

I, along with everyone else in the class, pick up our phones to check what it is. "The offing was barred by a black bank of clouds..." A young brunette woman, that I have never seen before walks in and starts reading the text.

"And the tranquil waterway leading to the uttermost ends of the Earth flowed somber under an overcast sky seemed to lead into the heart of an immense darkness."

She looks at the class as everyone stares back, "This is the last line to the first book we're going to read. It's also the last text you'll receive in this class. Phones off, everyone."

Rather than shutting my phone off I put it on silent then slide it into my bag. Ms. Blake, the young brunette teacher, starts writing on the board. Not even a minute later the door opens revealing the principal. Ms. Blake and the principal speak for a few seconds then she looks towards the students, "Mr. and Miss McCall?"

All eyes fall on me and my brother as Ms. Blake motions for us to follow. We both look at each other trying to see if the other knows why we are getting called out of class. We sling our backpacks over our shoulders and follow the teacher through the door.

"I'm sure it's an emergency if your mother needs you to leave school. But I'm going to give you a warning in the nicest way possible. I'm well aware of your attendance record. I don't want to see you slip back into old habits."

"I won't. It's going to be different this year." Scott immediately answers.

"Don't need to worry about me." I pull my lips into a tight smile.

"Resolutions are only good if you stick with them." Ms. Blake says, looking between my brother and I.

Scott nods, "I will. I swear it won't be ephemeral."

We both turn to leave, I raise an eyebrow looking at my twin, "Ephemeral? Studying started early this year?"

"PSATs." He simply states.

 *_*_*_*_*_*

 Our mom, Scott, and I rush down the hospital corridor. Mom just told us about Isaac being brought into the hospital earlier that morning with some pretty severe injuries. "Why didn't you tell us before?" Scott asks.

"Honestly, I was hoping I wouldn't have to." Our mom answers.

"What do you mean?"

"Everything you've been doing. The extra reading, the summer school, saving up for the bike - even though it scares me to death. I don't want to break a good rhythm."

Scott stops to look mom in the eyes, "It's not going to stop. I'm going to be better this year. A better student. A better son. A better friend. A better everything. I promise."

"Plus if you really didn't want to tell Scott, you could have told me. I mean I should know about Isaac being hurt any way. We do kinda have a thing going in case you forgot." I speak up.

"Which is why I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want you to be worried."

"Well I am mom."

Mom sighs, "He's in 215. If he's not already in surgery." Scott and I both lean in to kiss mom on the cheek then make our way to Isaac's hospital room.

We quickly slip into the elevator, Scott hitting the button for the second floor. As we wait for the doors to close, a blind man walks through the door. "Could you hit the button for the second floor?"

Scott and I glance at each other, then at the already lit up '2' button. Scott reaches over to press it one more time, shrugging his shoulders at me. "Thank you." The man says.

Once the elevator doors open Scott begins to move out but is stopped by the man's cane. "You wouldn't mind helping me out for a second, would you?" He questions.

"We're kinda in a rush sir. I'm sure you can manage-" I get cut off by Scott elbowing me in the ribs. I throw him a glare as he starts speaking to the man.

"Sorry about her, she's a little worried about her boyfriend. I'll help." Scott takes the man's arm then they begin slowly walking out of the elevator and down the corridor. 

I pause for a minute still in the elevator with my jaw open in shock due to how slow they are moving. I throw my hands up and shake my head. Rather than follow after them I start to make my way to Isaac's room.

I sigh when I see that Isaac is no longer in his room. "Dammit." I turn down the hall looking for Isaac, or Scott. I finally spotted Scott and made my way up to him, "Ditched the blind guy."

"Really -" I cut Scott off, holding a hand to his face. My head snapping to where I know the elevators are. My chest aches as I quickly grab Scott's hand and start pulling him towards the elevators with me. 

We make it in enough time to see the elevator doors still wide open. Isaac is in a wheelchair, unconscious and behind him is a man with scrubs. Though Scott and I both realize rather quickly that the man is not a nurse but rather another werewolf.

Without stopping to think Scott and I run forward, both with our claws and fangs out, attacking the man.

The elevator doors close with a ding as the unknown werewolf, Scott, and I begin fighting. Despite it being two against one the other werewolf is a lot stronger than the two of us. 

The werewolf picks Scott and I up by our throats just as the elevator dings again, signaling that the doors are about to open. 

"Don't you realize what you're dealing with? I'm an Alpha." He says, eyes glowing red.

Before he can do anything else, the Alpha jerks forward in shock as claws jam into his back. Derek Hale stands behind him, making his presence known. "So am I."

The unknown Alpha drops Scott and I, a smile making its way to my face as Derek slams the Alpha's head into the wall. He then picks him up and throws him out of the elevator, quickly closing the doors.

Derek turns to Scott and I, "Aren't you two supposed to be in school?"

 *_*_*_*_*_*

 Derek, Scott, and I leave the hospital with a still unconscious Isaac. Just as we are making our way inside the burnt Hale house Scott's phone rings. Stiles calls wanting to tell him about something that happened at the school, but rather than listen, Scott gets him to meet us.

"You don't still live here, do you?" Scott asks as he hangs up. Derek places Isaac down on a charred table in the middle of the room.

As I stand next to Isaac lightly running my hand through his hair, Derek answers, "No, the county took it over. But there's something here I need."

My eyes don't leave Isaac but I make sure to listen to Derek and Scott talk, "It'll help heal a wound from an Alpha." Derek says to Scott.

"But it did heal." Scott says, confusion evident in his voice.

"Not on the inside."

"Are you going to tell us who that was back there? The Alpha?" Scott asks.

"And why is he here?" I pipe up, finally looking towards the other two in the room.

"A rival pack. It's my problem. I know you both want to help. And you did. I owe you one. Now go home. Go back to being a teenager."

"I'm not leaving until Isaac wakes up." I cross my arms.

Before Derek can reply Scott speaks, "Derek. If you want to pay back the favor now..." Derek breaks eye contact with me to look at Scott, "There is something you can do for me."

Derek and Scott sit in chairs across from each other, Stiles now here, stands by Scott's side. I still stand beside Isaac, constantly switching back and forth from looking at Isaac to the three guys clustered together.

"I see it. Two bands, right?" Derek asks. Scott nods, prompting Derek to ask another question, "What does it mean?"

"I don't know. It's just something I traced with my fingers.” He presses his fingers to a dust covered side table, he draws a circle then a larger circle around the first.

"Why's this so important to you?"

Scott lowers his eyes, "Do you know what the word tattoo means?"

Stiles answers this time, "To mark something."

"That's in Tahitian. In Samoan it means open wound. I knew I was going to get a tattoo when I turned eighteen. I always wanted one. But then I decided to do it now to make it a kind of reward."

"For what?" Derek asks as I knit my eyebrows together.

"For not calling or texting Allison all summer." More softly then before Scott continues, "Even when I really wanted to. Even when some days it was so hard not to. I'm trying to give her the space she wants. But four months later it still hurts. It still feels like- like an open wound."

Derek picks up an acetylene torch once Scott finishes his explanation. "The pain's going to be worse than anything you've ever felt."

Scott nods, "Do it."

Derek lights the torch and almost instantly Stiles says, "Yeah. I'm going to wait outside."

"No, you're going to help hold him down. (Y/N) you too." Derek says.

I nod and make my way over as Stiles, less confidently does the same. We each hold on tight to one of Scott's shoulders as Derek slowly lowers the blue flame to Scott's arm. Scott's eyes start glowing yellow, fangs start growing, and he opens his mouth to scream.

Scott quickly loses consciousness as Derek continues to work on his tattoo.

 *_*_*_*_*_*

 About a minute after Derek finishes the tattoo, Scott snaps awake. He looks up at all of us then lets his gaze drift towards his arm. The two bands are still there, confirming that it worked.

Scott slips his shirt back on and turns to leave the Hale house with Stiles. I still refuse to leave since Isaac still isn't awake. Derek makes his way over to me and Isaac as Stiles looks at Scott's tattoo. "Looks pretty damn permanent now."

"I kind of needed something permanent. Everything that's happened to us - it just feels like everything changes so fast. Everything's so... ephemeral."

A brief moment passes before Stiles asks, "Studying for the PSATs?"

Scott nods, "Yeah."

"Nice." 

Scott opens the front door but before he fully leaves the house he turns to Derek, "You painted the door. Why'd you paint it?"

"Go home, Scott."

"And why only one side?" Derek and I both start towards the two teenagers standing in the doorway. 

"Scott-" Derek tries to get him to leave once more but is cut off with Scott unsheathing his claws and scratching the paint off of the door.

Underneath the red paint is a black triskele pattern. "The birds at school and the deer last night. Just like the night I almost got trampled by deer. The night I got bit by an Alpha. How many are there?"

"A pack of them. An Alpha pack." Derek replies.

Confused Stiles asks the same question on my mind, "All of them? How's that even work?"

"I've heard there's a kind of leader. He's called Deucalion. We know they took Erica and Boyd. Isaac, Peter and I have been trying to find them for the last four months."

"What if you do find them? How do you deal with an Alpha pack?" Scott asks.

"With all the help I can get."

I open my mouth to tell Derek to let us help then but before I get the chance a voice behind us speaks, "Where is she?"

We all turn wide eyed looking towards Isaac, who is now wide awake and sitting up on the table, "Where's the girl?"

I quickly make my way over to Isaac as Derek asks, "What girl?"

[i-choose-satogou]

Episode 30 - Ash’s story

A fanfic by @i-choose-satogou

Ash couldn’t believe it; Riolu was on a roll.

Though it hadn’t been long since Riolu had hatched from its egg, it was already an impressive Pokémon. And even after battling an incredibly strong opponent, Riolu still insisted on training some more right away. 

“You’re not tired?” Ash asked, feeling slightly exhausted himself. 

“Rio!” Riolu cried, punching the air to prove to Ash just how pumped up it was.

“Oh, I see,” Ash laughed.

“Pika-Pi.”

Ash glanced down to find Pikachu by his leg, tugging at his pants. “What is it, Pikachu? We’ll have to train a bit later.”

With a pout, Pikachu slouched back to his bench, from where he watched Ash and Riolu train. Riolu defeated both Ash’s Farfetch’d and Goh’s Farfetch’d, and he still didn’t show a sign of stopping.

“Riolu sure has a lot of energy,” Goh said as he recalled his Pokémon. “But we all need some dinner, don’t we? Let’s head back to the laboratory.”

“All right.” Ash turned to Pikachu---and found his buddy fast asleep. “You’re sleeping?! Pikachu, you should have watched Riolu battle. It was amazing!”

Pikachu woke from his slumber, rubbed his eyes, then pouted like it had before. It trotted off without another look back at Ash.

To Ash’s surprise, his mother was in town and came to visit him at the laboratory. She cooked them all the best dinner they had in a long time. The moment Ash swallowed his last bite, Riolu was by his side again.

“Rio-lu!” Again it punched the air.

All filled up with his mother’s delicious food, Ash was ready to return to training as well. He ran from the room with Riolu, shouting a quick goodbye at the others. Riolu’s excitement and love for battling had Ash really psyched for their next big match.

The sun slipped behind the horizon, but Ash and Riolu were still at it. Eventually, Ash was all out of breath.

“Let’s pick right off here tomorrow morning, okay?” Ash bid goodnight to Riolu and all the other Pokémon staying in Cerise Park. As he was about to leave, he wondered where Pikachu had gone off to. He had been sure Pikachu had followed him to the park earlier. 

Most of the laboratory’s staff had either gone home or was asleep in one of the many rooms by now. Ash tip-toed down the hall and slipped into his and Goh’s room. He scanned his bed for the familiar ball of yellow fur, but it was empty. 

Goh leaned over the edge of his bed. His hair stuck out, and his eyes were all small, as though he had already been asleep. Sobble was curled up against him, with Raboot by his feet. “You’ve been out quite long. Good training?” 

“Yeah, Riolu is really hyped for his next battle.” Ash glanced around the room, but still no sign of his buddy.

Goh noticed Ash’s concern at once. “Pikachu is with your mom,” he said. He held Ash’s gaze a bit longer, and Ash waited for him to say something else. But then he only mumbled goodnight and returned to sleep.

Completely worn out by today’s events, Ash curled into his own bed, feeling oddly chilly without Pikachu there to warm him. Still, after all that battling, it didn’t take him long to fall asleep. 

***

In the morning, Ash saw off his mother before heading back to Cerise Park to train some more with Riolu. It didn’t seem the least bit exhausted from the day before. With the same determination, Riolu went up against Raboot, Scyther, both Farfetch’d, and even Sobble (which was a complete disaster that ended in them all bawling their eyes out).

“Pikachu, it’s your turn now!” 

Ash spun around to the same bench where Pikachu had fallen asleep the day before, but he wasn’t there. In fact, he wasn’t anywhere in sight. Ash frowned. He had been quite absored in Riolu’s training, but he was 100% certain that Pikachu had been there when Ash had said goodbye to his mum. And he had been certain that Pikachu followed them into the park.

“Maybe it’s back in our room?” Goh suggested. 

Ash didn’t hesitate and hurried straight back to their room, Goh on his heels. When they found the room empty, Ash’s stomach performed a weird somersault. Not of the good kind, the one he’d get in a battle. More the kind that he got every single time he had to watch Team Rocket steal Pikachu. 

“I’m sure he is somewhere in the lab,” Goh said. “Raboot, Sobble, did you see Pikachu anywhere?” Both Pokémon shook their head no.

With a sigh, Ash slumped down on his bed. It wasn’t like Pikachu to leave his side like this.

“You won’t find Pikachu anywhere here.”

Ash glanced up to see Chloe stand in the doorframe, her arms crossed before her chest. “What do you mean?”

“You can be really dumb sometimes, you know that, right?” 

“Chloe!” Goh scolded.

“Someone has to tell him, and I know you’d never be that honest to Ash,” Chloe said. “But I don’t mind telling you this. You kind of neglected Pikachu and I guess he was feeling lonely. He disappeared right after Delia left, so my guess is that he left to follow her.”

“All the way to Pallet Town?” Ash was back on his feet, already reaching for his backpack. “He could be in any kind of danger by now.”

Chloe shrugged her shoulders. “Mr. Mime hasn’t been seen in hours either. He must have gone with Pikachu.”

“I have to go after them.” 

“Ash, wait.” Goh stepped into his way, placing a hand on Ash’s shoulder. At first Ash thought Goh wanted to stop him from going after Pikachu, but he had to know better. Instead, Goh said, “They could be anywhere by now. It’s best if we go straight to Pallet Town. We can wait for Pikachu there.”

Ash shrugged off Goh’s grip, trying to be as gentle to the other boy as possible while standing his ground. “I will not just sit idly at home while Pikachu and Mr. Mime are out there. They might need me!”

“You trained Pikachu well. He can protect himself--and Mr. Mime.” Goh now placed one hand on each of Ash’s shoulder, looking him deep into the eye.

This close, Ash could see each of Goh’s incredibly long eyelashes. He could see the concern in the bright blue of Goh’s eyes. 

“Fine,” Ash conceded. “How will we get to Pallet Town, though?”

“I’ll go ask Dad,” Chloe called, already hurrying down the hallway. “Try not to do anything stupid in the meantime.”

***

Ash watched the surroundings flashing by outside the car window. His hands rested in his lap, which felt empty without Pikachu’s presence. None of the times he had been traveling back home had been this excruciating. The car ride stretched on and on, just as the never-ending hills that would eventually lead to his hometown. 

A few times, Goh glanced Ash’s way, but Ash never returned that glance. Goh must have realized that Ash hadn’t been fair to Pikachu the day before. That was probably what he had been about to say before going back to sleep again.

At last, they reached Pallet Town. Professor Cerise dropped Ash and Goh off, then headed back down the road toward Professor Oak’s lab. It was already close to nightfall, and the lights inside Ash’s home had been switched on. There was no sight of Pikachu.

Ash knocked on the front door and then flung it open, already hoping to find Pikachu waiting for him. He only found his mother, who greeted him with a frown.

“Honey, you’re visiting me so soon already. What a--”

“Where’s Pikachu?” Ash asked bluntly. Without waiting for his mother’s response, he searched both the kitchen and the livingroom, before heading upstairs to his room.

“Ash, what is going on?” 

His mother had followed him upstairs and now stood in the doorframe. Even though she had no idea what happened, she looked at him as though she was ready to wrap him into a blanket and hand him a hot cup of tea.

Seeing her concern brought it all crashing in, and no matter how hard he fought it, tears brimmed in his eyes, trickling down his cheek. 

“I’ve been an idiot, Mom.”

***

His mother did not wrap him in a blanket, but she did make him tea. And brought out several types of cookies. Goh accepted them with a polite “Thank you”, but Ash didn’t touch a single one.

After he’d told his mother what had happened, they had all fallen quiet. No one knew what to say, and Ash wasn’t sure if he even wanted them to say something. He was already aware of how much he had screwed up. He didn’t need his mom and new friend telling him that.

And so they sat in silence for a while. Goh eventually exchanged some small talk with Ash’s mother, which Ash’s was barely listening to.

His mind was too busy with imagining all the things that could have happened to Pikachu and Mr. Mime by now. And his imagination was doing a fine job, because at one point he even thought he heard Pikachu call out to him.

Then he heard it again.

Ash was off his seat and out the door in a second. He almost couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Pikachu!”  

Both Pikachu and Mr. Mime stopped in their tracks and turned to look at him.

“Pika-Pi...” Pikachu whispered, keeping his distance. 

“I thought I’d find you here,” Ash said, taking a few steps toward Pikachu. “I’m sorry I made you feel lonely, Pikachu. Chloe really let me have it, too. She said I didn’t understand how you felt at all.” When Pikachu still didn’t move, Ash continued, “It was all my fault. I’m sorry.” 

Bursting into tears, Pikachu leaped straight into Ash’s arm--so excited to see his best friend again to electrocute him right away. But Ash was willing to take it. He was willing to take a thousand thunderbolts as long as he could hold his buddy close like this. 

Ash hugged Pikachu to his chest, laughing and crying at the same time.

***

Later that night, Ash did something he had never done before: he sang Pikachu his mother’s lullaby. Even after Pikachu had fallen asleep, Ash kept singing, watching Pikachu’s tiny chest rise and fall with every breath.

“Ash, are you okay?”

Goh stuck his head over the edge of Ash’s bed, looking down at where Ash and Pikachu had curled up on the floor. 

“Yeah.” Ash scratched Pikachu’s head, and Pikachu giggled in his sleep. “I guess I lost sight of what was important for a moment. All my Pokémon are very special to me, but Pikachu... he’s been by my side since the beginning.” 

Pikachu turned over in his sleep, nuzzling against Ash’s side. Ash smiled. 

“And I would always choose you, Pikachu.”

[kyberled]

SENTENCE STARTERS: LET’S PLAY CYBERPUNK RED, EPISODE 1 PART 1

A collection of prompts and starters taken from the first episode of Polygon’s Cyberpunk Red campaign series: [x] 

Content warnings for death, strong language, and mentions of violence and drug use. 

Feel free to change names and pronouns as needed!

“We’re recovering from several man-made disasters, and kites are popular again.”

“Oops, that’s too much armpit.” 

“I don’t know who you know.” 

“You will be remembered.” 

“You’re not allowed to say that word on here, my dude!” 

“Boop, banned!” 

“Headshot! ... Sorry.” 

“There is maybe a job down there for us, and I could use a lift.” 

“Do you want me to come up and meet you up there, or  do you wanna come down here?”

“Doc, these guys gonna be okay?” 

“He was sliced and diced and blown apart.” 

“Saw a really sad thing today.” 

“I’m not sure how we’re going to get paid for this, actually.”

“Sometimes, you get paid in other things, like trust or friendship.” 

“Exposure!!!” 

“Let’s mop up these two dipshits and figure out who did it, then hit their head several times.”

“I just realized I called these dead people dipshits.” 

“I know all of this because he was saying it in Alf roleplay.” 

“They’re very fast, but they’re faster the wealthier you are.” 

“And they’re all like, armed, right?”

“Yeah. They’re super armed.”

“Work up a gentle demeanor, if I can.”

“This one? This one? That one? This one?”

“I’ve got a lot of cool.” 

“I promise you... You will not die.” 

“I mean, everyone dies, [NAME]. You shouldn’t promise that to someone.”

“But what I’m saying is it won’t be my fault.”

“I am so sorry for this situation.” 

“Just gonna pretend that didn’t happen.” 

“I don’t think they were looking for [NAME].”

“I think they were looking for SOMEBODY.” 

“You guys are really fuckin’ bad at this.” 

“I’ll admit, I can be a little bit bad bad at comforting folks who need it. But I’ll tell ya’, I’m really good at pounding peoples’ skulls into concrete over and over again, until they tell me exactly what I would like to know.” 

“Did you mean to threaten this guy?” 

“All I wanna know is what happened here, so we don’t have another mess to mop up. And that mess I’m talking about is potentially... You.” 

“I mean, steal from the rich, no harm done!”

“And snort what you get.” 

“It is what you said, it’s what you implied. Are you going back on your word?” 

“If I knew, I’d have blackmail, and I wouldn’t be here.” 

“Reach out if you ever need anything.”

“Reach out if you ever need anything, and I was mostly kidding about the head bouncing stuff. But I will do it! But I was mostly kidding.” 

“Call me if you need to know anyone.” 

“We’re not best friends, but I just thought it would give that parasocial relationship to people.” 

“Guys, don’t say other things.” 

“You’re making it sound like there’s more than one person-- There’s only one person in the bathroom, and it’s me, [NAME]!”

“I just needed a little bit of help in here. It’s nothing to worry about.” 

“And we WILL wash our hands.” 

“Can you wait until we’re out of the bathroom to talk about this?”

“It wasn’t even weird!”

“It was very weird.”

“And wash your hands!”

“This one’s zooted.” 

“Leaving it a little open-ended, there, [NAME].”

“Soft touch.” 

“Your eyes are so gentle.” 

“... That’s a good argument.” 

“I got some papers, don’t worry how I got ‘em.” 

“I’m sorry, that was really defensive. I came at you with all that defensive energy.” 

“I can get one, if ya’ need!” 

“I’d like you to remember that I helped you, and someday, maybe, when I need you...” 

“That’s not what I’m gonna need you for, but, thank you.” 

“What’s up everyone, I just walked into a locked room.” 

“Wow, special treat for you guys today!”

“Wow, special treat for you guys today: It’s two locked doors.”

“I guess it’s a bust for today.” 

“Your... Co-dependent.... Thing, is very strange.” 

“Is this like a riddle?” 

“Do you like to pick your own lock?”

“I sometimes pick my own lock, like, to practice.”

“Your lock’s been picked.” 

“My door’s been picked?!”

“I’m old school, what can I say.”

“If they just wanted to destroy it, why wouldn’t they just destroy it?”

“You’re blowing my mind, here.”

“We can stop it.”

“You don’t need to hate [NAME], you just need to love money.”

“I was already in the van-- I wasn’t in the van, but I got in the van because I wanted to come see you.” 

“I think you got, maybe one of those three is right.” 

“I ain’t never heard of him, no.” 

“Shit. I could’ve done this my fuckin’ self.” 

“I’ll look it up for you, you’ll owe me a favor.” 

“[NAME], this guy’s dead.”

“[NAME]’s dead, he died six years ago.” 

“You’re asking the important questions, [NAME].”

“Privacy is nonexistent.” 

“I don’t wanna meet a ghost.” 

“Forsooth! We’re here.” 

“I don’t see any problems with the plan.” 

“It is striking me as very strange, now that I’m thinking about it.” 

“We both drive. ... I also drive. It’s a-- Two-person... Driving... Car.” 

“I have trouble with the break and the gas at the same time.” 

“He just sits on my lap.” 

“And you shouldn’t! And you don’t.” 

“It was like on the news.”

“It’s really hot out in the van, can I get a CapriSun?”

“I already peed.” 

“Put your smart thoughts in my dumb head.” 

“It’s a very strange slogan.” 

“I’m so glad we’re sitting down for this drink.” 

“This was, like, a decade ago, which is like 100 years ago.” 

“You guys aren’t cops, right?” 

“We’re not cops.” 

“We split a paycheque.” 

“The ol’ waitin’ game.” 

“Let’s use our two braincells.” 

“If honesty if cool, let’s be honest.”

“Fuck yeah, come on! Shoot it into my fuckin’ veins, baby!”

“Thanks a lot, buddy. Thanks a fucking lot.”

“Welcome to this most righteous cafe.” 

“Garcon! First, I would like you to tell me what an egg cream is, and then, I would like an egg cream.” 

“I brought a juice box from the car.” 

“This fuckin’ rules!” 

“Is he super hot?”

“We did it! We heisted! We killed some people! Could we be any cooler?”

“I hope it’s the fucking cast of Friends!” 

“I’m not gonna stop you from doing that.” 

“Who the fuck is this jabroni?” 

“Name’s [NAME]. Just passing through, looking for a bit of information.” 

“I don’t wanna be too forward here, but unless you’re willing to talk with me on this particular topic, your love life ain’t gonna be the only thing that’s D.O.A.”

“That’s really good shit talk.”

“You’re gonna badmouth me and my besties?”

“You gonna come in here and sass us?”

“Well, you can bully [NAME]. He’ll just fuckin’ sit there and take it.”

“I will toss your salad and scramble your eggs.”

“You’re gonna talk right now, or you’re cancelled.” 

“This is our town!” 

“How you doin’?”

“Fuck you! Thank you.” 

“No, not that - why did you shoot people?” 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to escalate.” 

“I don’t live on the streets, I have a perfectly adequate apartment.”

“I’m sorry, that’s on me.” 

“You guys know the person you’re trying to blackmail is dead?”

“I guess it isn’t your day, your month, or your year? ... Or your week?” 

“Hey, okay! I mean, where the fuck did you come from, but yeah, this guy gets us!” 

“I did just say that your blackmail’s useless.” 

“And that’s where you should stop that sentence!” 

“In the shipping business, that’s what we call... I don’t know what we call it.”

“It’s a goof-’em-up.” 

“The problem with trucks, is, uh... Have you ever seen a bird?”

“Have you ever seen a bird that just really scared you?” 

“I’ve seen a video of a bird.” 

“If you have to steal, I don’t give a shit. Steal from somewhere else.” 

“So fuck you, I guess, fuck you.”

“I’m so sweaty, it’s so hot in here.”

“I’ll delete your accounts!” 

“You think you’re a big man.” 

“You mother fucker! I can’t believe you’d do this, to ME!”

“You just killed a man! In cold blood!” 

“I wish somebody had told you it was gonna be this way.” 

“Well, I hate to see people leave the forum.”

“I’m a moderator, this is just physical moderating.” 

“I did do that.” 

“And now we’re fighting back to back!”

“Aw, we’re the real besties.” 

“I’m very proud of all of you.”

“I’m very proud of all of you, and I’m certain that will last this whole time.” 

“I feel like I shouldn’t have a shotgun.” 

“Ba-bum bum ba-da-ba-da--” (gunshot)

“I can’t fucking follow that up!” 

“So I don’t fuckin’ care.” 

“What now?! WHAT NOW?!” 

“You guys need to leave!” 

“Way ahead of ya’, mac!”

“Way ahead of ya’, mac!” (smashes through the window)

“You did a great job of just destroying this woman.” 

“I hope these people never see me again, I don’t want to come back here.” 

“Make sure to like and subscribe!” 

“We haven’t killed anybody, have we?” 

“Let’s wrap this up right now, or I’ve got a feeling there won’t be a reunion show.” 

“Okay, okay, you guys are not cool.”

“We being chill about this?”

“I don’t know what we’re gonna do with this thing, it’s useless.”

“You keep saying that, and I keep not believing you.”

“Find somebody else to rob.”

“Find somebody else to rob. Rob somebody with money.”

“Did any of you see the thing that I did where I put the guy’s head on the counter and I hit him with a stool two or three times?” 

“[NAME], if you can promise to fight that well, I can get a lot more jobs for you.” 

“I’d also love to just hang out, if that’s a thing you would be interested in.” 

“You guys had to be there.”

“[NAME] jumped through a window.” 

“Avast! Above, I see... [NAME]!”

“Let’s just say we had to wine and dine ‘em.”

“I hit a guy in the head with a stool.”

“Let’s just say we had to wine and dine ‘em. ... I hit a guy in the head with a stool.” 

“That sounds about right, yeah.” 

“The only reason you’ve been surviving this long is because of the philanthropy of others.”

“I’m too smart for this.” 

“I think we took care of them.”

“If I were them, I wouldn’t come back around here.”

“But they are still alive.”

“If you decide that you do want them dead, you know who to call.” 

“And thanks again for everything you do. ... Oh, by the way, [NAME] died.” 

[everyone-has-their-story]

Season 3 episode 10 commentary with my sister:

Okay NOW can I stalk their instagrams???

Let’s have a moment of silence to mourn that this is the last episode

This recap is depressing the shit out of me, like thanks for the reminder but no thanks

Please tell me he is not playing video games

SENNE!

Wait, go back for a second!....the poster above the tv says “worry less, laugh more” and if that isn’t a fucking tagline for Robbe then idk what is

Exams? No, Senne, not exams

Senne just munching on some snacks while Robbe is having a crisis

It’s not your fault Robbe!

Senne give him some brotherly advice

Stop mentioning her name!

LOLLL Senne you fool

Listen to the man!

Senne dropping the knowledge on Robbe..i love it

Oh shit it’s Christmas! Definitely forgot about that

Stop fighting!!

Zoe wtf you doing?

That fucking ringtone again..

His phone is bigger than his head

YAY!! **raises arms to the sky to celebrate** (news about his mom)

Him smiling means I’m smiling

Wow way to be a Debby Downer Milan…

Okay, but Robbe...where is your man?

Oh the hospital! Is he visiting his mom or Sander??

FUCK. MY. LIFE! Not her

GONE? Gone where??

Idc if I’m a bitch, but I still don’t like her

Explain yourself to him! What did you mean??

Was that a drawing of Robbe???

LOL to Britt if that was Robbe

I mean I guess we can let you know..

It was him!! Damn he is good

Fucking hell the shaky breaths are back

So did Sander just like leave all his shit there?

Yes call him

Damn right there is! (”there is an us”)

Damn right you do! (”i love you”)

I want him to call ALL of us immediately...except Britt

Cool so still no Sander?

Waddup Jens!

Listen to Jens, don’t go down that road

Sander!

There is that chernobyl again

Good to know you’re safe, but he just wants to be with you

Yes, Robbe..Chernobyl- Wait, the school!!!!!

RUNNNNNNN!!

Why do I know this song?

Oh god there are flashbacks

Why do I recognize this song?

I knew it was the school

More flashbacks?? Lord help me

Sanderrrr where are you

Oh shit, go back that was so cool (the drawings turning into flashbacks)

So many memories!!!!

This is so cool

Where is-- FOUND HIM

**presses pause** I feel the need to take a moment because this is going to be an emotional scene…. **presse play**

He look so lost

No, don't go away!

Oh god he’s crying..help

PAUSE! ..are those drawings of Robbe above his desk?? **peers closely at the tv** oh god they are **presses play**

Shit! They are all over the room!!

Yes, stay!

Nope he will always be there

Ahhh no he will!

We were all worried

Oh god he is holding his--nope he is kissing his hand

Nooo you’re not toxic

Holy shit this is so good

We BOTH have never felt something like that (RIP to her bf again)

Oh boy he said I love you..i’m a mess

He will always say it!

Not in any universe

Oh shit the song is back...where is that from??  **informs her it is from the first kiss** Oh well way to fuck me up with the soundtrack

Oh a game!

Omg the minute by minute already?

Yes, let’s play that

Yes, very chill

His little smile 

This is so sweet

The song is back!

Oh nooooo! Oh god

I’m not okay...not at all

Omg I wasn’t ready for a break down...

I don’t even know where to begin...Sanderrrr

Honestly their acting in this is fucking amazing

OMG! Call back to their almost first kiss!!

Pause! I’m sorry but play that scene again…

**physically covers her mouth for the entire 2nd time watching it**

One more time and then I swear we can move on, I just feel like I missed things…

**third time through** all the pictures!!! This is so painful to watch, but also makes me so happy. I’m so torn...I’m happy Sander has Robbe because Robbe is so sweet...this is hard to watch...I’m emotional on so many levels please don’t judge me...this is so much harder to watch than Skam...I hate how sentimental I am being because it just reminds me of you and I hate it...don’t judge me….also these actors are so fucking good, and I know I’ve said that but it’s true

Before we move on and I don’t care that I’ve paused it and rewound it like a thousands times, you’re gonna listen to another rant. There is so much to say about that scene and I don’t know if i will ever be able to say it all or put it into words and like I said before I’m being overly emotionally about this so please don’t judge me. I know that this is so different form Skam because they combined two scenes and there was a lot more discussion, but I liked the changes because I felt like it fit these characters more. And I love that Robbe never tried to be like oh that’s silly don’t think that, he was just like yeah that shit might happen but I’m still gonna be here. And the call back to the almost kiss was perfect. The whole scene was amazing and well done. Idk, there is so much more to say but I’m just gonna shut up for now

Okay...we can move on now

Oh sweet lord I wasn’t ready...that is fucking adorable

Little spoon Robbe!

Is this a Grease song??

That is the most annoying alarm

Don’t worry Britt, he already has

This is sweetest scene and no one has talked

No! He would never leave you!

Lol to the universe again

Oh yeah...school..that’s a thing

Ofc he is coming back, you silly billy

Still weirded out by the fact that they have little windows on their doors

Does Robbe know what pants are? Like feel free to wear them

Oh mother fucker…

Please tell this isn’t happening

I didn’t go through an entire season of hell with you two to have it end like this

Oh sweet fucking lord..I hate it

CUT! Scene over! 

Noo!

Fuck my life…

Brother and sister right here..love it

Oh hey Moyo

I mean he’s had better days but thanks for asking

Only good advice you’ve ever given dude

You better be okay with it, but thanks for saying it

MAYBE? Maybe it seemed that way? Boy..

I mean I guess you can be broerrs, but you’ve got a lot of work to do my friend

Jens...what?? Check your eyesight

No he would NOT do you

Hahahhaha Jens is butthurt again

He’d choose dying

LOL at you Aaron

I mean, never say never Aaron

Robbe laughing? A rare sight and I love it

Are they out shopping together??

Oh right..it’s christmas time..

NO, let’s stay on topic Zoe

Robbe out here being the relationship expert now

Agree to disagree Zoe

Okay cool let’s not focus on his good traits…

Dude same (Zoe says she feels like shit)

Hahahahaha disaster gay again

Oh Robbe, thank god you brought Zoe

I love this friendship

Damnit right it didn’t feel right

It does indeed (robbe says shit with Sander sucks)

Hell yes it feels right between you two

Oh hey Noor! Legit forgot about you for awhile

Awkward..

I mean yeah..but who wouldn’t want you (robbe) around? Fools, that’s who

She’s pretty cool, I’ll give you that

He’s better than alright...he’s phenomenal

Oooh a party! Hope I’m invited 

Aww Milan and Sander bonding! Love that

Cozy indeed

Milan as a babysitter sounds like a terrible idea

Did he just call him an angel???

Once again Milan is me, I am Milan

They are so fucking cute...they deserve it

The virus??? Holy shit. They started the coronavirus! You bastards

**dances** party time!!

Interior designers over here

Milan you sneaky man you...NO PEEKING!

Jack Frost?!?! Hahahhahahaha OMG hahahaha

Aaron you weirdo wtf???

LOL at Sanders face!! Same, dude same

Also sidenote: him saying he is Robbe’s bf...makes me so fucking happy

Those smiles at each other..fucking adorable

Noor! You made it!

Presents for everyone!

Who is giving alcohol to the Hot Mess Express??

No idea what just happened but ROBBE IS SMILING

Back that shit up! **rewinds** They really looked at each other after Milan said that! (about a cute boy for a present)

Milan disappoint level 100

OMG Noor got Sander?? And a Bowie shirt? Fucking legend

LOL at the fact that Noor is in between Robbe and Sander

Cuddles! (robbe and Sander on the couch)

Luca she is never going to understand anything sex related..poor girl

Back up! **rewinds** Robbe out here spinning his man on the dance floor, so cute

Oh good Lord Aaron is going for it?

Aaron man, don’t fuck it up

I know I should focus on Aaron, but Sander in the background smiling has my attention and I don’t feel bad about that at all

Aaron, man the fuck up! 

There ya go buddy

She is one of kind that’s for sure…

I know I give Amber a lot of shit but you go girl!!

AHHHHH!!!

Shock level 1,000

LOL at everyone’s reaction

**dances** this is my jam!!

DANCE FOR ME, DANCE FOR ME!!

Robbe go and dance my dude

Wait I remember the vlogs..nvm don’t dance

Sander and laughing is a beautiful combo

Oooo I see you Noor and Moyo

He told his mom!

Oh shit Sander looks good in this scene

Oh you got jokes again Sander? 

Yes meet the parents!!

I hope we get to see it (LOL at Kennedy)

Yeah but you’re bringing the BEST boy home

Robbe’s got jokes now too

Sander’s philosophy around Robbe now: clothing optional

Aww they’re so happy and cute! 

That is very true Robbe

The looks between--- oh shit hey Hot Mess Express!

OMG! Robbe said fuck all y’all I’m gonna make out with my bf in front of you

The fact that everyone is cheering them on and Robbe is comfortable with doing that...I’m overwhelmed

WAIT! It’s over?!?!

Holy shit I wasn’t ready…

I have so many thoughts on this season...it was so fucking good. Willem fucking killed it and whoever played Sander (informs her of his name) they are both Willem?! Wtf that’s confusing...anyways they both fucking killed it!! Robbe from episode 1 to now...I’m so proud...I have more thoughts so listen up

**goes on a rant for 10+ more minutes** I am definitely rewatching this season next week because I felt like i missed a lot and I want to focus on the small things

[chequeredwhitpost]

Episode 3: Bad Coffee

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(Skipping Sunday…) 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I shut my locker after grabbing my Spanish textbook. I just got out of a VERY stressful class period with Coach Lawrence, one that might have just buzz-killed my day. I guess I just have to push through the rest day, or whatever. I can’t help but recall yesterday. How Douxie spent the night, and when my brother saw him on the couch, well, he grabbed the bat and made a swing. Hit Douxie’s leg. 

I ran downstairs and had to pry Jake off of Doux and make him really look at who he was attacking. After about ten minutes, the action was over and I was checking if Douxie was ok. (Which he was.) 

I sigh, shutting my locker. Time for Spanish class, I guess. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I sit down at my desk beside Eli Pepperjack, when I feel a buzz come from my back pocket. A new text message? I pull out my phone as Senior Uhl walks in before the bell, drinking his morning coffee. Darci comes in behind him, sitting in her desk beside me. 

I read my new text, and as I suspected, it’s from my Douxie.

________________________

Douxie: Hey, dove, just wanted you to know that I’ll be on campus again at lunch. 

Arya: Sounds lovely. Want me to save you a seat at our table?

Douxie: You sure your friends wouldn’t explode?

Arya: Not with my dagger glare. Don't worry. You’ll have a spot right next to me. 

Douxie: Looking forward to it. ❤❤

________________________

I feel a presence scooting in closer to me, so I look up. To my shock of utter betrayal, I find Darci trying to peek at my screen, to see who I’m texting. I pull my phone away, flipping the screen over. But it’s too late.

She gasps, knowing that my ‘single’ status has been replaced with ‘taken’. 

“You have a boyfriend?!” She whisper-shouts.

I groan.

It’s over for me, isn’t it?

….

No. I’m gonna fight for our privacy.

“I’m not answering that until you SWEAR not to tell anyone!” I hiss.

Darci’s smile widens, “Are you kidding? This is fantastic news! Why would I go and spoil it by telling Mary? We both know that if she finds out, so does the whole town!”

“That doesn’t sound like the vow to me.” I test.

Darci scoffs, “Fair enough.”

She holds up the three scout fingers to our friend group. 

“I, Darci Scott, hereby promise to not go blabbering about your relationship status.”

“Thank you,” I bow my head.

She scoots an infinite amount of space closer. 

“So you’re dating someone now?? For real, dating?” 

I take in a breath, trying to find the patience to deal with this. 

“Yes. I am dating someone.” I admit.

“I knew it! All I saw was that he’s coming to lunch and some heart emojis, but I knew it!!” 

She gasps,

“Who is it? When did you two start going out? What’s he like? Do I know him?” 

“Calm down, Darci!!” I snip.

She leans back.

“Sorry.”

I huff, “He asked me out on Saturday. When he came over.” 

“He went to your house?!-- Wait, Saturday? Weren’t you watching your brother then while your parents were out?” 

That was sort of a lie. I don’t have my parents these days. But yes, I did have to watch Jake. He would never have agreed to come to Claire’s house.

I nod my head, following the lie.

“Uh, yeah? But he wasn't doing anything so I invited him over. Sorry, Darc’.” 

“Oh, don’t apologize for it! I totally understand.” 

“Oh? Oh. Cool.” 

“So, do I know him?” 

“You’ve met. Sort of.” 

She sinks in her seat, tapping her chin.

“You know a LOT of guys. Who could it be?” 

She looks at me, trying to read my expression. I pick up my phone and text Douxie some blue heart emojis, before the bell rings to kick off class. I pull out my textbook and open to page 23-- the one for the test. But I look up at Senior Uhl at the front of the class and see a … change in the look in his eyes. 

Uh oh. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

What… The Bloody Hell. 

OK. Third period was a complete and total DISASTER. Clearly some mystical shit is going on! Like, and this is just my best guess, but some Grit-Shaka sort of shit. Someone must’ve given Senior Uhl a… Grit-Shaka… maybe? Thing is, I didn’t see a Gumm-Gumm totem on him anywhere. 

And I’m not gonna go looking. 

BUT HE WAS INSANE!!

He made us wash his truck! Sussanna, he calls it. (But STILL.) 

I sigh, slumping down into my chair after parting from Darci and Mary in the hall. Now I have Ms. Janeth. With Darci again. Good thing it’s not Mary though… Mary doesn’t need to know the fact that I’m not even single anymore. If she even finds out that, I’m SURE she’ll go interrogate all the boys in school! Just to see it through! 

(It wouldn’t work anyways, but she’d try.)

I sigh, running my fingers through my hair, but as Ms. Janeth walks (or, actually, it’s more like a twitchy stagger) into the room, I instantly sink further into my seat, recognizing that look. It’s the same fricking CRAZY look that Senior Uhl had!! 

I am NOT gonna be her victim this time… Not again. And definitely not on the same day! Just as I’m about to hide behind my textbook for the rest of the school day, I hear TOBY’s voice come up over the speaker. 

“Attention! The El Guerito Taco truck is Parked outside! Free tacos for everybody as long as they last!!” 

Wait what? 

Before I can question this, Darci cheers-- along with the entirety of the class-- and grabs my wrist, pulling me out of my seat and along with the crowd. … I better get tacos. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> As Darci and I find ourselves full of confusion once we get outside, the school gates slam shut at our backs. (And I see a glimpse of … Toby?)

Darci runs up to the gates and tugs at them.

“Hey! Toby! What are you doing?! Let us in! Let us--” 

She realizes what she’s doing and looks back at me, dumbfounded with herself. 

“Wait… Why am I fighting to get back INTO school?” 

I shrug.

Mary comes up to us from the crowd and sighs. 

“No taco truck in sight. Anywhere.” 

“Damn.” 

I slump my shoulders, “But hey, I guess that means schools out for the day! Wanna go get some lunch?” 

Darci and Mary look at each other, as if I’ve said something wrong. But it only lasts a moment before they shrug and Mary goes back to texting.

“Sure.” 

“Sounds good to me!” 

Phew… I look at Mary, who’s (probably) texting her temporary boyfriend. SHIT. I should probably text Douxie and tell him the situation we’re in right now.

“Hey, girls, where are we gonna go to lunch?” I ask, trying to be casual as I pull out my phone. 

“How does Benoit's French Bistros sound?” 

“The cafe?” 

“No, the Bistro.” Mary sasses. 

I roll my eyes. 

“Yeah, that works.” I say.

Mary looks at me, suspicious. 

“Are you inviting someone to our lunch?” She asks, excited.

I hum an indecipherable note to throw her off. She groans, stepping closer to try and peek, but Darci changes the subject to one that’s sure to throw Mary off. 

“Oh! I almost forgot! Mary, have you heard the latest gossip about tight jeans Hank?” 

In the blink of an eye, Mary’s at Darci’s side, begging for gossip. I roll my eyes with a playful smirk and text Douxie.

______________________

Arya: Hey, Douxie, so we’re having lunch at Benoit’s, headed there right now too.

______________________

It takes a few minutes for him to reply.

______________________

Douxie: Already? Lunch came faster than I thought.

Arya: No, we actually got locked out of the school. All of us. Everyone.

Douxie: Wait, seriously? Is everything OK?

Arya: Everything’s fine, promise. Not 100% sure what’s going on, but we’re all OK. 

Douxie: Okay. Glad to hear that. ❤❤❤

Arya: ❤❤❤

Arya: So, see you at Benoit?

Douxie: Sure. See you soon, dove. 

______________________

I smile softly, and put my phone away in my ‘secret’ hoodie pocket. Turning to Mary and Darci, I nod, and Darci wraps up her gossip. 

“That’s it? Well, that was disappointing.” Mary slumps.

“Well, then now we can go to Benoit’s. Wouldn’t want to show up late.” 

“Wait, so you DID invite someone?” 

“Yes, I did.”

She opens her mouth to talk and start blurting out interrogation questions, but I cut her off,

“And I’m NOT telling you who I invited. You’ll just have to see.” 

“Awww! You’re no fun, Arya.” 

“Good.” 

Darci laughs and we get going.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(Time Skip) | (Benoit’s)

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

One of the waitresses seats us at a kind of picnic-bench on the outside patio up at the front of the cafe. She gives us our menus and takes off for a bit until we’re ready. 

Mary and Darci sit on the bench-seat opposite of me-- per Darci’s suggestion. (Which I give her a grateful glance, to which she returns a nod.) I bet she knows that I’ve invited my boyfriend--- but she just doesn’t know who that is yet. 

I let out a hiccup, just one, as I begin to skim through the menu foods. It’s about seven-ish minutes later that I hear someone clear their throat softly, and the three of us girls look up from our menus. I’m the first to say hello to him.

“Hey, Doux!” I gush. 

He waves his hand in greeting, “Hello, Arya.” 

He looks at my friends, “Darci, Mary.” 

“Hey Douxie.” Darci grins widely. 

I pat my hand down on the empty space beside me, motioning for Douxie to take a seat. He chuckles and sits down right next to me. Really close to me. Mary studies us, with a stupid, shippers girl smile on her face. I sigh, and feel Douxie’s hand grab mine from under the table. Oh, how I really wish I could kiss him right now. On the cheek, with no consequences. But, unfortunately, if I do that, Mary’s gonna be on my left, with a million plus questions.

And with her, so will everyone else. 

I squeeze Douxie’s hand a bit and go back to looking at the menu.

“Hey! Is it ok if I ask you a bunch of questions, Douxie?” Mary asks.

“Only if they’re not love-life personal.” He terms. 

“Awww. Did Arya already tell you about me?” 

“She did,” Douxie chuckles, “But it was nothing too bad.”

“And what was that?” 

“That you just … are very excited to meet new people, and want to get to know them as soon as possible.” 

“And I said you can be very nosy when it comes to people’s affairs.” I comment, looking at the soup section.

“Pfft.” Mary slouches in her seat. 

Darci snickers, “She’s not wrong, though!” 

“Who’s side are you on here?” 

“Uh, mine? Duh?” 

Douxie and I laugh, and we all go back to looking at the menus.

“What are you guys going to get?”

Darci asks,

Douxie answers first, “I always get the steak. It’s delicious here.” 

“Mm. Well, I think I’m going to get the pumpkin - roasted chestnut soup.” 

Douxie lets out an ‘ooh’ and points to the appetizers. 

“That comes with one of these, but I suggest getting the mozzarella sticks with it-- the cheese on the inside goes really good with the pumpkin bits.” He advises. 

Mary looks at him impressed. 

“Wow, Doux’, you know a lot about food! Do you cook?”

“Eh, occasionally. But I actually work here, and some of my friends are the chefs. They let me taste the food whenever they try a new recipe.” 

“That’s awesome.” I brush, “You should totally gimme some of those taste tests when they have extra.” 

Douxie laughs, “I’ll see about it.” 

We all glance at Darci, as she explains what sounds good to her. 

“I’m thinking about getting the fruit salad. With a side of nuggets.” 

“Seriously Darc’? You’re gonna get a side of chicken nuggets?” 

“It’s Monday, and it’s supposed to be chicken nugget day in the cafeteria anyways. So yes, I’m going to get those nuggets.” They play-fight.

I roll my eyes, minding their antics, as Douxie sneakily points to something on my menu, leaning in a lot closer, pressing his cheek to mine. The stealthy part is using Mary’s and Darci’s distractions to give me a kiss on the cheek. 

He squeezed my hand under the table and pulls away from my menu. My heart flutters with glee and warmth as the remaining feel of his kiss echoes on my cheek. I feel like the luckiest person alive right now. 

And I hope it can stay this way forever. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(End Chapter / Episode 3)

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[grrlinthefireplace]

Hey so I’ve been seeing you post a lot about La Casa de Papel recently. What exactly is it? It looks kinda interesting.

Thank you so much for asking!

I am delighted beyond reason to have the opportunity to tell you - and by extension the entire world - why this show has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and legitimately healed my soul after this particularly soul-crushing season of Grimdark White Man Television almost broke me as a human being.

I will attempt to keep this as spoiler-free as I possibly can, because this is a show that should be experienced in the moment, but in a nutshell, La Casa de Papel is a heist show set in present-day Madrid which follows both a found family of thieves who rob the Royal Mint of Spain, and the law enforcement officials on the outside who are chasing them.

If that is enough for you, go right to your TV or computer, fire up the ol’ Netflix, and don’t waste any more time.

If, however, you need a little more, here are the top five things I flail about to every single person in my life to convince them they need to start watching this show like immediately and then come back and tell me all about it.

For visual flair, we’ll intersperse them with some gifs of ladies, because I know my audience.

5. character driving plot > plot driving character.

You know that infuriating thing lazy TV writers do where, in order to to hurry up and get to the big explosion or battle scene or dragon attack or whatever, which is the only bit they really care about, they handwave away the whole concept of motivation and make some character do something that any halfway-attentive viewer will immediately clock that they would never actually do?

There is none of that bullshit here.

In its simplest form, the plot of La Casa de Papel is as follows: a brilliant criminal mastermind devises a heist which cannot possibly go wrong, and then we proceed to watch all the ways in which it goes wrong.

This is a fantastic setup for an action story, made even more breathlessly exciting by strategic use of my favorite heist movie plot device (as perfected by Ocean’s Eleven): namely, “scene where it looks like our crime heroes have been outsmarted and are now threatened by a completely unforeseen disaster” immediately followed by “flashback to the team prepping for the heist where we learn that of course they prepared for this exact scenario.”

But from time to time, things do actually go wrong (as they must, or else there would be no story); and, when they do, it is never because you can tell a writer just wanted to write a scene where bullets go flying, and didn’t care how he got there. These characters are so clear, their behavior so consistent, that when gasp-worthy plot twists happen, they happen because of course that character, in this exact scenario, would do that exact thing.

I’m telling you, I came to this show for a ship (more on that in a minute) and I stayed for a swooning, heart-eyes writer crush on the impeccably-designed plot structure and characterization.

4. High stakes, low gore.

Tone-wise, on a sliding scale of Heist Film Intensity where a really fluffy episode of Leverage is a 1, Reservoir Dogs is a 10, and the Ocean’s franchise is somewhere in the 3-4 range, I would place La Casa at a 5 or a 6, which is perfect for me. I love action, suspense, drama and adventure, but I hate gratuitous violence (especially when it’s pointless and masturbatory and doesn’t contribute anything to the plot) and have a very low tolerance for blood and gore. So I kept waiting for the story to eventually take a hard left turn into Tarantino Land, until eventually it was all just one huge pile of dead bodies, and was genuinely surprised when it didn’t.

This is how I learned just how badly my brain has been fucked up by lazy showrunners who think shock deaths are the only way to raise stakes. During the first season of this show, before I had figured out that it was a Flawless Gem of Television Which So Far Has Not Once Disappointed Me, there were probably a dozen moments where I was absolutely convinced that some character was about to be gruesomely killed for shock value … and I was wrong every single time.

Reader, it was fucking wild.

Every single time I was convinced that person A was going to shoot person B in the head because blah blah maximum angst over here in this part of the story and then it will motivate person C to do this other thing, the show did the hard work of finding a smarter, more unexpected direction to take that character’s story. That means that when deaths do come along - and there are a couple - they feel genuinely earned, and they matter deeply to the story and to us.

3. I would die for these women.

This show loves women. Like it truly, authentically, uncompromisingly loves women in all our fucked-up messy glorious complexity. There are no “types” or cliches here; no one is forced to be only one thing. Fuck your one-dimensional Strong Female Characters, lazy writers.

For one thing, on many shows you might be lucky if you get maybe one mom who is given a personality and a story outside of motherhood. Often, on shows written by men, the fact of her motherhood diminishes her strength or her agency. On this show, nearly every one of the central female characters is both a mom and an action hero simultaneously. Seriously. By season 3 there are four different battle moms. They’re all different, they’re not all on the same side, they have different perspectives, and their role as mother impacts the story differently, but that’s the joy of having a whole lot of different kinds of women - no one has to be everything to everyone.

These women are complicated. They laugh, they cry, they crack dirty jokes, they get laid, they have babies, they fight, they make mistakes, they fall in love, they grow. Men pull sexist shit and they shut it the fuck down. Some of them have love stories, some of them don’t, but they are never defined by or triangulated around relationships with men. They get to have relationships with each other. All of them are excellent at their jobs.

Tokyo is the kind of hot mess antihero protagonist we’ve been watching middle-aged white men play for decades.

Allison is such a realistic teenage girl it’s genuinely painful to watch.

Monica has one of the best arcs I’ve ever seen on television, this is not a drill.

Alicia is terrifying. (A pregnant black ops interrogator! ON WHAT OTHER FUCKING SHOW!?!??)

Nairobi is unlike any other character you’ve seen on TV before; she’s got a little bit of Parker from Leverage, a little bit of Raven Reyes from The 100, but she’s entirely her own creature and you will fall in love with her instantly.

And Raquel. Oh, my love, my angel, my hero, Inspector Raquel Murillo. Love of my goddamn life. A fierce, kickass hostage negotiator swimming upstream against a tide of workplace misogyny who sometimes has to make the frustrating little male-appeasing compromises we all have to make to get through the workday. A beautiful, sexy, powerful heroine over 40 whose femininity isn’t diminished based on some bullshit notion that, for example, pairing your tough-bitch suit and gun holster with red toenails and a lacy blouse detracts from your strength. A loving mom and daughter who has to juggle raising a small child and caring for an aging parent with the stress of, you know, trying to stop the biggest robbery in the history of Spain. A domestic violence survivor (TW for those who need it; nothing is ever shown onscreen, but it’s discussed several times) who is given the space to discuss the things that have happened to her and how she has worked through them with such dignity, accuracy and respect that you can tell the writers did their homework.

This is a show where you can tell there are women in the writers’ room.

2. The Professor and Raquel. I don’t want to spoil a single thing for you here except to say that I myself was lured into this show by the promise of electric sexual chemistry between a criminal mastermind and the police inspector hunting him down, and my God I was not disappointed.

1. Love.

This show came into my life at a period where I was so weary of cynicism on television - so fucking furious at showrunners who dangle hope in front of us and then crush it, who only care about building anything if they can tear it down later, who treat love and fun and joy and hope and family and happiness like they’re intellectually lesser than grimdark nihilism with no soul - that I was honestly kind of broken by it. I was just so. fucking. tired. Tired of “the way we show this heroine is strong is to kill off her love interest.” Tired of “sorry but all this rape and murder is NECESSARY because of REALISM” (particularly rich when coming from shows featuring evil A.I.’s or dragons and ice zombies). Tired of getting invested in relationships - whether ships or friends or found families - only to realize that the show I was watching was always going to sacrifice character to force plot mechanics into place, and those relationships were never going to get the kind of care and focus I wanted them to get.

But that is not this show.

The single most revolutionary thing, to me, about La Casa de Papel - the thing that sets it apart from every other rollercoaster action thrill ride on television - is that every single thread of the plot is tied to love.

Every.

Single.

One.

Love of all different shapes and sizes - parents and children, friendships, doomed crushes (straight and queer), toxic exes, blossoming romances, siblings - and over it all, a deep, deep love for humanity.

The thing I said before, about how when things go wrong they go wrong in character-driven ways? It’s this. Love is why everything on this show happens. Love is what makes children want to live up to their parents and what makes parents fight to leave a better world for their children. Love is why deaths have stakes. Love is why we spend so much screentime lingering on small moments another show might ignore, like all the thieves at heist camp sitting down every night to have dinner together and argue about paella techniques. Love is what causes chaos in the middle of the heist; when there’s one person in the room you care about more than the others, you can get distracted and take your eye off the ball. Love is how your enemies can get to you, by leveraging or blackmailing the people who matter most, knowing that you’ll crack if they’re in danger. Love, gone wrong, causes toxic men to develop possessive and controlling behavior towards women. Love is how the Professor gets the idea for the heist in the first place. The plan is flawless on paper, but it doesn’t account for the human variable, and over and over again we see that relationships and connection and sex and family and love cause people to behave in unpredictable ways and throw the whole plan into chaos, which is what makes for a dynamic and compelling story.

How refreshing to see a show simply refuse to grant the oft-repeated premise that a show cannot have both high-octane thrills, and a big soft squishy heart, at the same time.

ANYWAY, I’VE TAKEN UP ENOUGH OF YOUR VALUABLE TV-WATCHING TIME, GO JUMP ON BOARD THIS TRAIN AND COME SCREAM ABOUT IDEALISTIC SPANISH ROBIN HOODS WITH ME, AND LET THE GOOD SHIP SERQUEL INTO YOUR LIFE, YOU WON’T BE SORRY

THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK

[toooldforfandom-liveblogs]

Gravity Falls S02E18 - Weirdmageddon Part I

I really like that name for the end of the world. I'm not sure what to expect from this one since this is literally new territory for everyone. My one hope is that Mabel gets forgiven easily but there has to be some drama, either for the twins or the Stans (since that relationship really needs some mending, and the end of the world seems to be a good place for that kind of thing.) I think that's all so let's do this!

If this is the first shot of the episode, things are going to get _weird_.

Wait. Wait. What.

Okay, had to go back and check Bill's summoning circle.

I completely forgot about this but I guess he needs all the symbols for something beyond summoning everything weird into this dimension? But why? Uhm.

Anyway, back in Dreamscaperers I wrote:

Glasses = The ones Stan found in the room with the magic carpet? Question Mark = Soos Ice - Fish with food? > Pine = Dipper Star with an eye  Hand = Whoever wrote the journals considering the symbol on their covers? Llama/Alpaca? Shooting star = Mabel Heart with stitches

Fish with food ended up being Stan's fez. I _think_ Heart with Stitches could be Robbie. Hand is obviously Ford. I'm still not sure about Glasses (they really look like Stan's glasses but... how would that work?) and Star (maaaaybe Gideon? The star appears in the ending cypher in S02E14.) The alpaca/llama and the ice are a complete mystery. Considering everyone of importance is in there already, maybe Wendy is one of those two?

Symbols aside, does this mean that Mabel is going to be missing until who knows when? That's a bit disappointing.

Imagine being able to choose any physical form at all and choosing to keep being a dorito.

Before I paused I was convinced this guy was some weird Nigel Thornberry cameo.

So, Bill has 10 friends, which is exactly the number of symbols in the summoning circle. Huh. Interesting.

Maybe it means nothing but their appearance feels so sudden that I feel they have to be important somehow.

Immersion ruined, the Northwests would never lower themselves and go "downtown"

What a trianglist, she had no problems with Mabel.

I imagine Wendy can't wait to go to college a thousand miles away from her family.

Death, Famine, War, Conquest and Capitalism.

That's horrifying. But he's a dick. What a moral dilemma. Nah, he really deserves it.

Why steal Durland? Huh. Maybe he's also one of the symbols? Or Bill is just being Bill.

Oh, oh, I know what they do!

What an intro, I'm 100% sold.

What can our protagonists do? I guess Ford has a plan, maybe the symbols are for unsummoning Bill and that's why he's collecting them so they can't do whatever ritual they need to do. Maybe Ford and Stan will be in a similar situation that made them fight 30 years ago, but this time they actually communicate and win? Mabel is out so I hope they rescue her (or she rescues herself) before too much plot happens.

I _love_ how much of an effect the changed OP had on me.

After watching 37 episodes with the same opening song any changes are immediately noticeable and it feels _wrong_. What a great way to show how everything is changing for the worse thanks to Bill.

It does make me wonder how Gravity Falls is going to recover though. It looks _bad_, bad enough that in any other show I wouldn't be surprised by a time-machine or a literal genie undoing everything bad that happened. I doubt that'll happen here, since the town itself is so used to the "weird" but if someone dies all bets are off.

YESSSS, Dipper doesn't blame her! I'm sure there'll be some self-blame later on but I'm so glad his first reaction was to be worried.

Why is Soos unaffected? Is it related to his presence in the summoning circle? Looking for unaltered people may be a good way to find who are the missing symbols.

Soos deserved more episodes, what a hero

Has there been any positive romantic relationship in Gravity Falls?

Wendy and Dipper was an unrequited mess, Mabel and all her crushes were all disasters of some kind or another, the less said about Wendy and Robbie the better, and Tambry and Robbie is the result of the twins messing with their minds without their consent. Oh, and Gideon and his murderous crush on Mabel.

I love that tiny shiny dodrio.

I didn't need to know that Bill's hat was meat and bones.

What? No! Warnings later, explanations how to defeat a demon now!

This is the first time he calls Dipper by his symbol, right? He also called Ford "six fingers." The writers really wanted everyone on the same page here about making the relation between the symbols and the characters.

...I refuse to believe that the eye piece meant nothing with how much it has been shown!

Weirdmageddon sounds much better.

Wow. He has been wandering around for three days, probably having to scavenge for food and water. These kids are really going to need a therapist after summer break is over.

For some reason I find that guy more disturbing that most of the weirdness in this episode so far. He just sounds very predator-y.

...oh Dipper, those nachos are three days old at best. So young, so ignorant of the consequences of gastroenteritis.

...of course. I'm glad she's okay. She's been shown as a very badass so it would have been a shame if she was down without a fight.

But, but, rabies.

Can't wait for the weirdmaggeddon to be over and then immediately after everyone dying of infectious diseases.

So, how many post-weirdmageddon dipper/wendy fics did this scene inspire?

Robbie is conspicuously missing from that list

nevermind. Would have been an amazing selfie though, can't fault him for that

Aw. This got me a bit teary-eyed. They really can do anything if they are together.

Shame about Mabel being inside Bill's floating lair completely out of their reach.

What a raw deal, last game I played with twins on it they l– actually, never mind, spoilers. But it was really cool, believe me.

It looks like the mission briefing for a stealth game so, in my case, I'd try to avoid the lights, fail miserably a thousand times and then rage quit. Hopefully Dipper is better at stealth.

Making the world weird?

Wouldn't they know what's going to happen? Since there seems to be only one timeline? Actually, nevermind, I'm too sober to analyze the time travel mechanics of gravity falls.

Time Baby was the most powerful entity in the show so far! Stakes have been raised.

RIP Bodacious T, we never go to know you.

Mad Max: Fury Road, 2015

Two months being a villain and he still hasn't learned to avoid monologuing.

Don't worry, Gideon. It took Steven Universe 6 years to grow a neck, you'll get one someday.

Huh. So Bill manipulated him by using his obsession for Mabel. That's a nice way to explain why it came back after so many episodes without mentioning it too much.

Ugh.

She's a genuine action movie heroine trapped in a cartoon

I have no idea how Wendy manages to get more and more badass this season.

Right!? Right!? Wow.

Holy shit, this really is Fury Road.

that's deep, man

Ah, that explains it. Nothing more dangerous than a philosophy major.

Hatoful Boyfriend, 2014

My mind is exploding right now. I wasn't ready for anime Dipper and Wendy. What are the monkey and kid in the backseat referencing?

Lady Gag– nah, I refuse to use the same joke three times in the same liveblog.

* screams in terror too *

What a shame that we couldn't see the birth of the legend of Soos.

I can't believe Dipper is using the "Power of Understanding" to talk Gideon down.

This is really good. I almost want to joke and say "but it wasn't worth the Wendy/Dipper episodes" but it actually does make them work in retrospect. It's probably the largest source of character growth for Dipper during the show and here's the payoff.

I mean, yes.

WHAT

HOW DARE YOU

GAME IS OVER, AND I WON

NOW IT'S TIME TO START THE FUN

I ALWAYS LOVE CORRUPTING LIVES

NOW LET'S SEE WHICH PINES SURVIVES

well, that's nice.

---

I wasn't sure what to expect from this "Part 1", I thought it was going to be mostly setup. And it had a bit of that, just to show how screwed Gravity Falls (the town) is, but after that it was all action and it was all good.

I think getting Ford out of the way early was a good idea, it removes the possibility of a quick solution. Now Dipper has to figure things on his own. He still needed Wendy to remind him of what he and Mabel are capable of but that's a friend offering help, not "the mentor" giving him the answer to the problem. On the other hand, while Stan hasn't appeared after the goat, he hasn't been captured yet (he's important enough to deserve an on-screen capture, unless it's going to be revealed as a demoralizing surprise?) so I think he'll appear soon since he's just a guy, without any special knowledge about Bill.

Soos really deserves his own show. "The Legend of Soos" Or give Wendy her own show with Soos as the mysterious stranger that appears from time to time to help. Because wow, Wendy is lost in this show, she should be the protagonist of something.

But the star of the show was Dipper talking Gideon down. I _really_ didn't expect that. This is not a show where the protagonists defeat their villains by talking to them (with some exceptions) so I thought they'd defeat him in some other, more violent, way. And the way he uses the "Power of Understanding" to do it (go read Scott Pilgrim)! While Dipper never got to that extreme, he "gets" it and that's just * chef kiss *

I can't wait for the next episode, especially because this one ended in a cliffhanger, so until next time!

[doof-doofblog]

"Happy House Hunting!"

Tuesday 27th October 2020

Good evening folks! I realise this is my second post of the night, I wanted to make sure I was completely up to date. It took me a while to find tonight's episode as it didn't appear on BBC iPlayer in the correct order, it appeared as the first episode when the soap returned onscreen, bizarre?! But anyway lets delve right in.

The episode starts tonight with Bobby scrubbing and washing his heads, counting to five as he does so. Something tells me this is only going to get worse for Bobby. He suddenly stops as Peter walks in, this would be the second time now that Peter has walked in on Bobby thoroughly scrubbing his hands. The one thing though that grabs my attention is how he responds to his brother, Bobby informs him about how the Lucy Beale foundation is coming along and informs him about Max and Sharon being trustees for it and Peter just seems to have a sarcastic grin on his face, like he can't believe what he's hearing. When Bobby openly speaks about their sister and how he thinks what he's doing would probably make her happy, Peter responds in the most negative, harsh way "I guess we'll never know!" - sure just putting the dig into his brother that he murdered her. I feel so sorry for Bobby, he is trying his goddamn best to put things right and make amends for what he did, and still Peter looks down on him. Don't you guys think so?

Meanwhile, Kush is on the phone to what I'm guessing is the bank, asking whether his overdraft is correct. Suddenly, Kat bursts into the room looking for Tommy's school bag, but as she's searching, she informs Kush that Tommy needs some new shoes and wondered if she could borrow some money to buy him some. However, it looks as if Kush might be coming into some money issues, as he informs her that he spent the rest of his money on the rent. But when he sees Tommy sitting on the top of the stairs looking glum, stating the fact that he has holes in his shoes, he promises to buy the young boy a pair of shoes, today! It's then he reaches for his tablet, is he really going to chance it at gambling?! I'm not too sure this is a good idea, Kush!!! Gambling is never the right way to sort money problems!

Meanwhile, in the Vic Ian and Sharon are back working together happily. Sharon happens to mention that Bobby spoke to her, Ian instantly seems interested in what his son had to say. The blonde vixen mentions that he was sympathetic towards her when she received Dennis's belongings back and the fact that he seems to be doing really well with the charity for Lucy. As soon as Sharon is about to drop the bombshell that she and Max have been made trustees, Peter storms in, realising what he's walking in on and decides to take it upon himself to give his Dad the news. Ian seems pretty hurt to hear that Bobby never asked him, but Sharon reassures her friend and explains it might've been due to him being under stress amongst other things. The next thing that Peter says really confuses me, is he making a dig at his Dad, his brother, or Max? Something about someone committing a crime? I don't quite get who his beef is with! Or am I just looking at something that isn't there?!

At the Mitchell household, Jay and Lola are discussing their sleeping arrangements once living together. As they continue their conversation, Phil walks in and takes a desperate look at his phone. It's clear he's wanting or waiting to get in touch with Denise to hear how his son is getting on. Jay asks him to simply drop her a text, just to check in. But Phil is a proud man and he promised Denise he wouldn't, but really - how long will be able to keep that promise? Meanwhile, at the Cafe, Denise is trying her absolute best to bond with her son, buying him a milkshake for breakfast and trying to make a conversation with the shy boy. Sheree finds her and asks whether the young boy knows who she really is. Denise feels it's not quite ready to let him know just yet, the poor boy needs to settle in first before she tells him such huge news. No matter how long it will take, Sheree promises that the family are right behind her and have her full support.

At the club, Peter is staring at the flyer of his brother's charity. I really don't understand Peter's feeling in all this. Is he jealous? Angry? Dotty approaches him and states the fact that Bobby was the one who killed Lucy and that Peter has actually lost a part of him. She was his twin after all. She gives the gruesome, horrible note that if it was up to her, she would rip Bobby's head off and then the fundraiser would go towards sticking his head back on. Does Peter maybe agree with her? Does he think that his little brother shouldn't be doing this charity in his sister's name? I don't know, what do you guys think? Meanwhile on the Square, Kush is really struggling to push sales on his stall ... ah so that's what he was doing with the tablet! He approaches Stuart and agrees to sell the tablet to him for £100! Even though his first offer was £150, he couldn't really so no to £100 as he obviously needs the money. As Stuart goes to withdraw the cash, Suki shouts at him from across the Square that he rent is going up. Kush looks a little shocked, probably to the fact that he hasn't got the money to pay the rent, but Suki is so sarcastic when she compliments how good it is to see his business looking so busy. Will Kush be able to pay the rent?! Ooooo I wish I could wipe that smug grin off Suki's face you know - although I have to say, she is a brilliant female villain. EastEnders hasn't had one like her since Janine, what do you think?!

At the restaurant, Peter is apologising to his younger brother about the way he spoke to him earlier. Bobby is instant that he didn't mean to offend his brother in any way. It looks as if Peter is slowly coming to terms with what Bobby is trying to do for their sister. But something also tells me that maybe is he just fishing for information. He tells Bobby that he's interested and he wants to help, as soon as Bobby mentions anything about the charity and that he needs help with a spreadsheet, Peter is quick to interrupt his brother and mention the rituals he's noticed his brother has been doing. He informs his brother that if it's something that helps him cope, helps him feel safe then it's fine and he should carry on doing it, I don't know whether he's trying to be the supportive brother, but he promises he'll be there if Bobby ever needs to talk and that it'll just remain between them both. Suddenly, Ian walks in and realises he's walked in on something, he asks what they were talking about and Bobby quickly replies with "Nothing" and swiftly leaves the room.

Back in the Cafe, Honey finds Jay looking for a place to live in London. She mentions how such a perfect couple he and Lola are and she hopes they'll be able to find something. She also mentions that she's preparing herself for a date, as soon as the word "Date" is mentioned, Kathy's ears prick up. Honey politely asks her how her date went ... and I'm sorry but I love her response, so blunt and to the point - "A disaster!" ...  Honey's face turns to concern and fear, Jay notifies to Kathy to change her tune, it's then she admits that Iain turned out to be a really nice guy, hoping that Honey's date will turn out just the same. As Honey smiles, Kathy reaches for her phone and we see her scroll down to Iain's name ... will she take a chance on asking him out on another date?

Suddenly, the next thing we see is Isaac's face! He appears to be sleeping on Arthur's bench. He wakes with a sudden jolt to see Phil standing over him. Phil is making pleasant conversation, asking about Raymond. Isaac isn't listening to the man as he's holding a grudge against him about telling his boss that he deals drugs. Phil apologises for his misunderstanding and holds out a stash of money. He admits he doesn't want to pester Denise all the time about an update on his son, but if Isaac could give him and update now and again, he'd be very grateful - even buy him a drink! Isaac doesn't take the money from him, so Phil leaves is placed neatly beside him on the bench. Will Isaac take him up on his offer?!

Meanwhile, back in the Vic, Kush appears to be playing poker on his phone. Martin enters to see his friend with his head locked onto the screen. He is first stunned to hear about Stacey being mugged, I actually wasn't even aware that Kush knew. However, as much as Martin is trying to make conversation with his best friend, Kush cannot take his eyes away from his phone screen. I think this is moment where Martin is a little bit concerned for his friend, he even mentions that during lockdown is was a bit of fun, but now Kush doesn't even have a smile on his face anymore. Kush tries to inform his friend that it's just a bit of fun, even makes a dig at Ruby saying that not everyone has millionaire wives to hold on to. Martin takes that as an insult, considering the fact that he's never used any of Ruby's money, and also the fact that Stacey stole some of her money in the first place. Before he leaves Kush to it, he reassures his friend that if he ever needs a mate, he knows where he is.

The next scene we see is Honey coming out of her apartment, Billy sees her from across the Square and beings to make polite conversation about where she's going. When she reveals to him that she's going on a date, he tries to act so polite and funny about it. Trying to make little light-hearted jokes about her date not being dentist. Unfortunately, Honey doesn't see the funny side of his jokes and makes her way to meet her date. Billy wishes her luck as she walks on, but once Jay makes an appearance, he's eager to know everything about the man Honey is seeing. Jay insists that it is their first date and that they only met when they delivered a food parcel. I still think Billy holds a torch for Honey, I think he always will do, she is the mother of his children at the end of the day, but Billy confides in Jay that he just doesn't want to see her get hurt again.

Back at the Beale household, Peter looks as if he's roaming on the dating app on his phone as his Dad walks in. It looks as if Ian wants to have a bit of serious conversation with his son. Peter looks at his Dad as he asks why he wasn't asked to be a trustee for the Lucy Beale Foundation. As I said, he seems happy with Sharon, but can't understand why Max has been asked. It looks as if he nearly puts his foot it in it though, he confronts his son whether he has told Bobby about him re-mortgaging the Café, to which Peter confirms he hasn't told anyone anything. Then he makes the statement "It's not a crime if it's in the family!" - I think those words really ring in Peter's ears, he knows his Dad is lying, I think he's just waiting for the perfect moment to confront him. He reassures his Dad that if him re-mortgaging the Café isn't true, then he has nothing to worry about. As Ian leaves the room, Peter is looking really suspicious of his father.

Meanwhile, in the Square, Denise is returning from the park with Raymond. As Sheree welcomes them home, Isaac makes himself known, carrying two huge pizza's. Denise is chuffed to see Isaac being so kind and generous to little Raymond, but as soon as Isaac reveals that the pizzas were paid for by Phil's money, Denise is furious and instructs him to go and shove it through his door. However. Isaac informs her that he gave him £200 and that he wants information on Raymond on how he's doing. But he admits he's not going to tell Phil anything and if he wants to splash the cash, then they should let him. But somehow, I don't think Phil is going to be happy when he finds out what his money has been spent on. I understand that Denise is now bringing Raymond up, but Phil - being his Dad, has rights and he should also be able to know information about his own child.

At the club, Kush finds Martin behind the bar, Martin can tell that his friend is in need of help. He generously gives him a drink on the house. Kush begins to confide in his friend on how his money issues are, explaining that the children are in need of things and Alfie never pays anything towards his children. The rent was being paid by Daniel's money which has now all gone, it looks as if things are really struggling for them financially. But Martin is more interested in his friend's gambling addiction. Even though Kush is adamant that he's not addicted to it, Martin mentions that every time he sees him now he's playing. Kush then promises he'll cut back on it, but tries to convince Martin that it's not a big deal. Martin promises to mention his money troubles to his wife in an attempt to help, but Kush sees this as an insult and informs him that he's not a charity case. But when Martin leaves the bar and leaves the till wide open, Kush looks and sees how much cash is inside, it looks like he has hit a new low as he takes his chances and steals the money from the tills, unbeknown to him, being spotted by Dotty through the opposite door window.

Back at the Beale household, Kathy is blaming Peter for her date ending in disaster, if Iain hadn't found out her real age, everything probably would've gone well. Kathy happens to mention to Peter that she attempted to give Iain a second chance after hearing about Honey going on a date. But the way Iain has spoken to hear has made her feel even worse. Calling her all sorts of names and dropping OAP bombs and all sorts. Peter tries to console his Nan, saying that he wasn't worth it if he's going to speaking about her in such disrespectful ways. It's then that Kathy sees the light and begins to stick up for herself. But all of a sudden, in the middle of their discussion about this Iain, Ian walks in and instantly thinks that they're talking about him. He completely jumps to conclusions and drops himself right in it as he shouts at Peter for mentioning him re-mortgaging the Café. Kathy and Peter are both shocked at his outburst and Peter realises that his Dad has been lying to him and he's finally been caught out after completely misunderstanding what they were originally talking about!

Returning to the club, Martin is pleading to his wife to help the Slaters out with their money issues. Even if she doesn't care about Stacey or who is even asking, she informs her husband she can't produce money out of nowhere. She tries to tell her husband that once Kush is ready to talk about his issues, he'll know where to find him. As Martin leaves the room, Dotty is quick to inform Ruby about what she's just witnessed Kush doing. The final scene of the episode tonight is a brilliant one - Kathy is throwing Ian out of the house after finding out he forged her signature on the forms to re-mortgage the Café. Peter is devastated to realise that his father lied to his face. Bobby walks in to find out his Dad is being thrown out, but none of them are listening to his pleas, trying to tell them that he was going to pay it all back - eventually. What is Ian going to do now? Maybe move into the Vic with Sharon temporarily? However, we do know Ian will be leaving for a couple of weeks which will see the start of a new storyline for him, could this be the start? Who knows?!

I hope you've enjoyed reading as much as I have enjoyed writing! I'll be back as soon as I can, I do have a busy week ahead but I'll try my absolute best to keep up to date. Enjoy the rest of your week folks! xXx

[readbythestarlight]

c2e88

Taliesin is so confused by this ad lol

Where is Laura?

The groans xD

Laura's?? Not here?? I mean I'm glad she's at the game awards but THIS IS SUCH A BIG WEEK STORY WISE

Boy we've just started and I'm already ready to die

[[MORE]]

I only just caught it just now but are the CA saying they recovered the beacon that was stolen? Aka the one the M9 returned to Xhorhas already? Or a different one?

The Bright Queen gave them a house and the best the empire can do is a cozy inn? Lame.

(I was always more pro-Dynasty than Empire but it's pretty much set now.)

Didn't even pay for their dinner?? Rude.

Cad: "I've had to learn new words for what happens to me now."

The Dynasty: "We cannot afford to 100% trust you but you have done us a great service so here is a house and a symbol to show you have the favor of our Queen."

The Empire: "You did us a great service but also fuck you here's a hotel and no meal and also if you don't do this thing for us we'll charge you as traitors even though only two of you are actually from the Empire."

lol the hotel workers are funny tho

Empire people? Cool. Empire rules? Fucking suck.

Nat20 for free stuff xD

F: "who's the grossest?"

Cad: "I was swallowed."

Y: "I haven't had a shower in months."

F: "oh! God! What!?"

Cad: "You've won first place."

Y: "Oh, no, I wasn't trying to like..."

J: "IM GOING FIRST!"

I'm worried about Caleb

Snuggling his cat and thinking over his trauma </3

Laura just left the awards show omg

Also the way that Travis looked at her like heart eyes and Laura being like "hey baby ;)"

She looks hot by the way

Yasha paying Fjord back from MONTHS ago is sweeeeet

The book? What's the book? I don't remember?

"Is there a chair...?"

"There is."

"Kill it with fire!"

Oh boy here we go

"And I think we need to work with him...?" I don't like that and I don't think you do he's a liar and a manipulator and a piece of shit

But I understand his point because they are in the worst potion right now

Cad: "if he even looks at you sideways we will not leave enough of him to be found."

Goddamn Caduceus. I love him so much.

Cad: "Well, what I mean was we will do all we can to keep you safe. Is... what I meant."

They're being very serious about this and I'm so glad

Well okay they WERE being serious...

Lol Beau with this teenager is so funny and adorable

I'm glad they're not all sleeping alone

Jester is all sad that Beau doesn't want to double up :(

The B/J/Y shippers just went wild lol

F to C: "if you want to finish this personally... let me know." Thank you Fjord

My old Widofjord shipping heart is happy

Omg Cad handing over the symbol of the Wildmom and telling Fjord he's doing well on his own IM HAVING A LOT OF FEELINGS TONIGHT Y'ALL

Oh boy Yasha dream

I'm emotional

Like crying

Sure this guy does something neat with doors but doES HE FLOAT??

I miss Essek

The only mage with a tower I trust is Yussah and it is NOT this guy

Of course Trent is the one who confirmed it had been found

It's definitely trapped somehow

I don't like that they have to go somewhere that Trent decides

WHISPERS

he's a shifty fucker right we all know he is

Double whispers

Lol meeting in the Happy Fun Ball

I was gonna say the Forge

Jester wants to have it at Traveler con xD

Jester is weirding him out and I love it

God sure have this very serious possibly war ending meeting on The Ball Eater sure

They're disasters

I can't decide how I feel about him and I want to hear the results of the whispers

Oh no I'm worried about Yasha

Okay... so he's helping hide Yasha that's good, but is he also gonna hold that over them?

I hope Trent looks at Caleb sideways so the M9 can cut him into pieces

I feel like this guy is meant to be the Empire version of Essek but he's got nothing on Hot Boi

In a dense forest under a bunch of trees and a tower in the middle of nowhere

Oh fuck the sanitorium oh god oh fuck someone immediately check on Caleb

Trent did that on purpose

Hey Cad remember when you said y'all were gonna tear Trent apart if he tried to hurt Caleb? It's time to start ripping.

I haaaaaate this

I'm still trying to decide if Caleb legitimately snapped or if something was done to him

I want to crawl through my screen and strangle Trent myself

Someone please stay between Caleb and Trent at all times

So... nobody in the empire questions why Trent Ick-athon has a laboratory in a sanitorium huh. Like that doesn't ring any bells?

Also fuck it's Edowulf

Astrid's gonna come in to try and throw Caleb off isnt she

Liar liar pants on fire every word out of your mouth is a lie you vile don't of a biiiitch

WHISPERSSSS

he's a liar liar liar

Or he's telling half the truth

So the tripod... prevents it from working?

God he's such a condescending fuck I hate him

I haaaaate him and I hate that he's playing it so cool and calm because that makes Caleb seem like the unreasonable one which is brilliant of him but it just makes me loathe him even more

Oh god Caleb please roll well

Fuck fuck fuck I hate him fuck someone GET BETWEEN THEM

I feel gross and I'm not even in the room with Trent ugh

This tense standoff between Caleb and Trent is physically fucking me up my skin is crawling

Also Nott touched it and nothing happened

Eowulf is one of Trent's "favorite" and and he's looking at Caleb like a creep

Even if I don't trust him I appreciate Ludinus stepping in to cut the tension

Beau trying to trip him upppppp I love her

Alright time to get them out of there Ludinus

Shut the fuck up Trent you state away from both Caleb AND Yasha

C: "Wulf. It's good to see you again."

Eowulf: "it's good to see you too. It's been some time. You look good."

I haaaaaaaaate that they're all being so calm and semi-friendly because again it makes Trent and his ilk look like the reasonable ones

Ludinus: "I can always deal with Trent after the fact."

Y: "Let us know when you do that. We would like to help." Damn fucking straight

Essek scrys because he's worried about them and he pops in just in time to hear Jester insulting his teleporting Lol

I get the feeling Matt is tweaking the time of Traveler Con a bit because he doesn't want Jester to feel pressured to interrupt important things

Is the Wildmom illegal in the Empire?

Ha Fjord impressed Ludinus nice

L: "it's... entirely off-putting how disarmingly charming you are. I don't know how to handle it." That is the funniest thing anyone has ever said about Jester

J: "are you alright Caleb?"

C: "I don't know."

Y: "I don't like him at all."

Everyone else: "same/oh god no."

Okay Wildmom is illegal time to hide your shiny thing

Cad: "I have never seen another person walk so daintily around the truth."

See every time Caleb talks about how Trent gave "private lessons" my skin crawls it just draws too many parallels to creepy creepy shit

Yasha is gonna be good for Caleb here, they both understand what it's like to be used and controlled and manipulated

So like Trent was THERE and if he saw that Caleb knew about the beacons then he's gonna know that somehow they were involved with the beacon disappearing

Oh she's creepy

Cad gonna buy the femur flute lol

The pranksters gonna get that glue oh lord

Yasha gets a bone harp and she and Caduceus start the most unnerving band ever and I for one am THRILLED

Don't they still need to fetch something for the three kobolds in a trench coat? Let alone for Pumat and now this woman lol

Pride silk.... oh dear it's gonna be mutant bugs

Called it

Three silk worms good luck bringing those back

Matt's like WOOO fight tournament hell yeah!

Y'all should go take downtime in Xhorhas in the Xhorhaus and talk to Essek about all this

....I just really miss Essek guys please

Liam O'Brian you will NOT let Caleb sneak off on his own to go see Astrid you CANNOT ajslajkssksk

This episode didn't go as painfully/badly as it could have but it still stressed me out a lot and I'm still worried about Caleb and Trent Ick-athon can choke and if Caleb really goes go off on his own I will scream like baby PLEASE

God now we have to wait a whole week IS IT THURSDAY YET

[fratresdei]

Meditation Gone Wrong

Caroline Crook is back on the blog to share her hilarious story of a guided meditation gone way off the rails, and how Scott Pilgrim, glowing orbs of light, and bad Cracker Barrell interviews all come together on the mental plane to invite her into some divine laughter. 

I thought I'd tell you all about a guided meditation I once tried that quickly became one of my favorites, and also a complete disaster.

I've been meditating on and off for a year now, through a variety of apps, podcasts, tarot readings and the occasional Quaker service here in DC. I faced some of the same challenges that I've faced with yoga while trying to cobble together a semi-regular meditative practice. There is tension in meditation, in the desire to remain relaxed, yet focused. The general impression of meditation is often a serious one - I know when I first considered it, I called to mind half-lit rooms hazy with incense, hours of silent contemplation, maybe developing some psychic powers as a reward for such diligence and focus. The practice felt appealing and intimidating in equal measure.

The first meditation podcast I tried out was called, fittingly, The Meditation Podcast. The hosts only release one guided meditation per month, each one is about 45 minutes, and they use "binaural hearing" (sustained tonal frequencies designed to slow the heart rate) for a fully immersive session. The first episode I listened to was called “Self Love” - I was told to visualize myself looking in a mirror that, throughout the 45 minutes, gradually began to glow with light. It was awesome. 5 stars.

The following week, I found another episode they had put out called "Finding My Truth." The episode was described thusly: "In today's meditation, we journey to our highest Being, our highest Self, to gain a deeper, divine perspective about our lives, our Truth, and our Purpose." And I thought, Sounds vague, but great. Truth and purpose? Sign me up. I changed into pajamas, settled into the old recliner in my apartment and pressed Play.

(The following is mainly paraphrased from memory, as the podcast hosts archive any episodes older than 6 months.)

"Feel yourself sinking into the chair. Feel your body sinking through the chair, into the earth. Imagine rooting yourself deep into the earth under your chair."

Rooted. Got it. I felt my body grow heavy, my eyelids closing. Good stuff.

"Now let your consciousness float out of your body, utterly weightless. Your body is still safely grounded in the earth."

Okay...

"Your consciousness is a light, soaring, up, up..."

Oh-kay...

"Above and through the atmosphere..."

The atmosphere? Wait, we're HOW high?

"Soaring into space."

Space?? Back down on earth, in my grounded, rooted body, I felt my grounded, rooted face begin to frown in confusion. But the host encouraged me to pause up here in space, to take in the beauty of stars and planets as they swirled in and out of view. The human brain is incredibly adaptive, and after only a few deep breaths, I was suddenly super comfy up here, a disembodied consciousness gliding through, you know, outer space.

"Now, you see a door. Approach it, open it, and go inside." Sure enough, a door swirled into view. There's a scene in the movie Scott Pilgrim vs. the World where Scott floats toward his crush's apartment door, which materializes as a white door with a star-shaped window, floating in the middle of a starry sky. My brain offered this exact image, and this exact experience, minus Ramona Flowers.

And what was behind the Scott Pilgrim door? "Your guardian deity is here, and has been expecting you."

Hang on. My who?

"Your guardian deity stands before you, ready to teach you everything you need for your life's journey."

My who? For my what??

"Take a moment to greet your guardian deity, then sit and prepare to receive what they are here to teach you."

Again, I was a meditation novice. My brain heard "Surprise, you are sitting in front of an authority figure whose full focus is on your life goals" and went into overdrive compositing every bad job interview I've ever had into one moment. Suddenly I was not a beautiful disembodied beam of light -- I was 15, fidgeting in an Ann Taylor Loft blazer, watching the General Manager at Cracker Barrel frown over my resume, my mom waiting outside in the car. Except instead of the General Manager at Cracker Barrel, I was sweating in front of a beautiful being radiating Grace, every gesture exact, every expression a poem. This was a bad job application, and a surprise exam, AND a performance review, all rolled into one.

I was so busy manifesting these insecurities, I didn’t notice the podcast had gone quiet until the host spoke again, jolting me in surprise. "Now that your guardian deity has given you the wisdom you've come to receive..."

So not only had I arrived completely unprepared to receive any kind of wisdom from my guardian deity, but I was so busy reliving every time I've been unprepared for a self-evaluation of any kind, I completely missed the part of the meditation where I actually receive said wisdom. Mary, Martha, eat your heart out.

"... you rise, and thank them for the time they've taken to set you upon your life's path."

Unwilling to even try rewinding the podcast, reliving all that cosmic social anxiety just to ask my guardian angel to repeat that one more time about my life’s purpose, I rose, and thanked them for the time they'd taken to set me upon my life's path. In the space I almost heard laughter, and am now certain my guardian deity was chuckling, having somehow known I would pull something like this.

But the worst was yet to come.

"You've brought a gift for them, to thank them for their wisdom. Hold out your hands, and see the gift you hold for them."

I'm a good daughter of the Capitalist Machine, so I immediately pictured the robin-egg blue box from Tiffany & Co. Apparently in my mind, this image is the highest gift one could receive, the pinnacle of luxury and taste.

"Open up the gift, and present it to your guardian deity." So I opened up the box.

And without warning, my mind yelled, "INSIDE THE TIFFANY BOX IS THE HEART OF A BABY DEER." And pictured a bloody, still-beating heart of a baby deer. To offer my guardian deity.

Back down on earth, my grounded, rooted body froze in horror. WHY would I picture that?? WHO would want that??

I went into overdrive, picturing alternative gifts. What do you get for your guardian deity, the being who, ostensibly, has everything? Well here's what I came up with in those 8 seconds:

A dying star. Prayer. A child's smile. A single blade of grass. The concept of laughter. Red lipstick. Dark matter. A rosary. Teeth. A tennis bracelet. Baby's breath. An actual baby's breath. The sound of a curtain brushing the floor. Solar flares.

The thing in the Tiffany box transformed rapid-fire into each option, a roulette wheel of terrible gift ideas. In the end, bafflingly, I went with the tennis bracelet.

By that point my guardian deity was giving me this loving-yet-exasperated look, like they just caught me playing in a cardboard box on the edge of a cliff. But I sensed something like mild laughter, and the bracelet was suddenly gone from my hand, which I decided to take as acceptance. Then the podcast gently drew me back through the Scott Pilgrim door, and back down to earth; the interview was over.

I've tried a lot of different meditations since then - some creative visualizations like this, some more focused on breathing exercises, some that involve poetry or music. This was one of my favorites, because it taught me the most about visualization, presence and focus. Stillness in prayer isn’t necessarily about staying 100% focused for 45 minutes - when I lost my focus in this meditation, I didn’t slam back into my body on earth. I kept returning to the visualization, returning to that stillness, and the path continued onward. I still may not know my life’s purpose, but there was prayer, and there was communion with the Divine, and for me that's enough.

I mainly love thinking about this one though, because I rarely laugh with God, and I came out of this meditation shaking with laughter. I kept picturing my guardian deity politely waiting until I left the room before tossing my Tiffany tennis bracelet in the trash.

There are infinite ways to have a laugh with the Divine. Find yours with Fratres Dei.

October 30, 2019 | Denver, Colorado

[bbcmyhero]

Car

Got a little free time, so I might as well get started on this one. Into the episode with the giant continuity error, because I distinctly remember them having a car before this episode. At least I’m about...95% sure they did.

Are weetabix anything like the mini-wheats cereal? Cuz, if so, I’d honestly like to get my mitts on some. Frosted mini-wheats have the best crunch, ever. 

Also, I hate eating odd numbers of things. I maybe wouldn’t eat 20 giant wheat cracker things, but maybe...4?

Standing in the corner and howling is very #relatable. I get you, Arnie

Again with the fat jokes. Lovely. 

No need to rub in Arnie’s lack of powers by doing an equipment test right then and there. George is worst cousin. 

Still get a giggle out of that George and Ella interaction. 

“No, don’t kiss me.” 

“Thanks very much, Ella, I really appreciate that.” 

I really think if left to their own devices, George and Stanley would get along. Even if they had to bond over not liking Ella. 

Oh, the weird guy in the corner is friends with George? Not a shock. 

There it is, the part about them not having a car. But, again, I coulda sworn they had one in an earlier episode.

Yeah, just checked. Janet’s getting groceries out of a car in the pilot episode. 

Did they have to sell it? 

OMG, George, stop talking. You look like the saddest gold-digger in the world. Mooching off someone as apparently broke as Janet. 

“You make me ashamed of my sex!” 

“Ella knows you try your best, Stanley.” 

BRB, dying

Nice. Now there’s two howlers. 

Poor Janet. 

See, right there. Tyler does the same thing George does later, when he erases his own memory, while trying to remind himself not to talk about Thermoman. Like Tyler’s erasing his own memory. 

Tyler is a transgender alien. Change my mind. 

That poster of Piers is the definition of Cringe. But, also, yeah. No. The man is gorgeous, but I wouldn’t trust him to operate on anyone. No one should book a surgery with him. 

But dear sweet fluffy LORD, this is precious!

The genuine smile. The jumping into the car like an excited kid. 

The blue shirt. 

Did he need to be a smug ass? No. 

Do I enjoy seeing the precious actually happy? Yes. 

Can’t say I blame Mrs Raven. Don’t want anyone in my face with the flu, either. 

I get sick, I crumble like a jenga tower. 

“There is no Mr Right. There’s only Mr Crap, Mr Tit, and their friend, Mr Total Tosser.” 

Wisdom. 

That is a beautiful tie. 

And lookit Piers! For one brief  moment, having none to give about anyone’s opinion. 

Because he’s got a really flash car, and you haven’t. 

“You needn’t worry, Mrs Raven. Janet says most germs are afraid of catching you.” 

And Janet just...runs…

Again, howling in the corner is a totally normal reaction to having no money. 

“I could clone myself, but we’d keep on fighting over who gets ya on a Saturday night.” 

Retroactively disturbing line, considering Hilary the creeper clone. 

WTF, George? Why did your mind jump straight to the idea that Janet was suggesting eating Arnie? 

What the actual hell goes on up there on Ultron? 

Aw, Janet and Arnie celebrating together. Another case of “could have been adorable friends.” 

Except Arnie is a creep, so…

Yet again, Janet laughing at the weird alien custom. 

Which, granted, does look like camp gay “I’m a little teapot,” but still. Rude. 

Okay, I definitely see the fat Freddie Mercury resemblance. 

Doesn’t mean I have to like the joke. 

Also, frozen Janet is the stuff of nightmares. Is no one going to thaw her out? 

I’m not 100% convinced Tyler isn’t hearing actual alien words in the radio static. 

Poor thing. I know he meant “present life,” as in reincarnation, but I still think “faded memories of being Ultronian.” 

This lady’s gold blouse is awesome. 

But ew with Arnie looking through her clothes. 

I know they immediately sniffed a disaster, but that alone should still have gotten him a warning. Considering his hero test question was about sexual harassment. 

Piers has on a stupid hat. I love it. 

It makes the boring shirt more attractive. 

BUT! Dude bragging aside, bby, we all know you didn’t take any ladies for a “test drive.” Except in your own mind. 

Bless. Janet and George are so happy about his four customers, but everyone else is completely unimpressed. 

And the weirdest courting ritual in the world begins in 3

2

1

Mrs Raven gets bitchy, Arnie gets...a boner, apparently. 

Insult. Insult. Hand lick. Both parties clearly need a cigarette. 

I ship it. 

And George basically just insulted Mrs Raven by saying it was fair how she hated everyone. And she just looks pleased as punch. 

Bits of shipwreck all over the living room and helmets not in the helmet cupboard. You know your life is weird, when…

Um, no. Bad George. We don’t imply the little woman is a nag when she doesn’t want you trashing the house for her to clean up. 

At least he cleaned up without complaining. 

Oh, I love this part. 

“She’s queen of here...YOU’VE STOLEN THE CROWN JEWELS!” 

GDI, Arnie

And there went Janet’s morals completely out the window. 

YOU’VE STOLEN THE CROWN JEWELS

But I want a car

Okay, theft is staying on the dl for now

Stanley doesn’t even blink at George wearing a crown. It’s just one more weird thing George does. 

That was weirdly polite. “Oh, it’s you. You’ve come outta your corner.” 

Like, nice to meet you, weird guy. What’s up. 

Love that delayed reaction...oh. Wait. George is wearing a crown. 

Oh, of course this weirdly similar crown isn’t part of the crown jewels. 

Good thing George was so completely convinced of that, or Stanley probably wouldn’t have been. 

Tyler still in the corner counting the oats. Apparently no one finds that a bit strange. 

At least that guy behind him threw some side eye at calling George “master.” 

Also, I would dearly love it if I could find a magical alien healer to fix everything that is fubared in my stupid body. 

No more broken thyroid gland. No more kidney pain. No more stress puking. 

Sounds fake. 

Mrs Raven wanting the phone to ring, then getting annoyed when it does, is me bored outta my mind and wishing someone would text. Then resenting it. 

Janet’s face says she really believes Mrs Raven would kill all the patients and bury them in the car park. 

“Bye, baby, daddy’ll see you very soon.” 

I react to this the same way I react to bearded Hugh swinging his belt on Taskmaster. 

Incoherent whimpering and nail biting, mostly. At the calmer end. 

Jesus!

Okay, I’m cool. 

“I am always...we’ve got no patients.” 

Blue! Shirt!

It’s not nice to say sexy things while wearing a blue shirt. Sir. Not fair. 

I’m fine. 

Piers just watching Arnie and Mrs Raven’s mating ritual like...wtf am I seeing here? And then just nodding, like, yeah, that was definitely the most disturbing flirting I’ve ever seen. I’m leaving before it gets worse….

Wait…

Is George curing my patients? 

How very dare he? The nerve!

Mrs Raven’s little quick change with the stolen scarf. I think it has to be in the lost and found more than one week before you can claim it, ya know. 

Bless him, I think Piers is going to cry. And back to caring what everyone thinks, again. 

Another thing that was nice while it lasted. 

Theft cat is out of the bag. But he’s right. That is one ugly necklace. 

Even if all that stuff was just stolen and hidden in their flat that day, how did no one notice a bedroom full of corgis? They’d surely have started barking at some point. 

Rule of funny. 

George at least has more morals than Janet. 

I mean, I know a car would be useful, but I can’t believe either of them trusted Arnie in the first place. 

Howling sadly in the corner is contagious. Poor Janet. Nice going, George. Just couldn’t be a little more optimistic, could you? 

Lovely problematic cinnamon roll in a blue shirt is at the door. 

“You have all my patients, I want them back….Not that I like them, they just go with the job.” 

I love him. 

If looks could kill, I’d have murdered Janet and George ten times over by now. 

Couldn’t just take the check and get yourselves any old car. 

No. 

I mean, someone hands me 8k, I’m not gonna be a greedy prick about it. 

But, it’s the throat-clearing and the slumped shoulders that Piers has going on, while handing over his car keys. Like a little kid that just got conned out of his favorite toy. 

And the fidgety hands.

God save me from this man’s little sad hand fidgets. 

“Can we give you a lift?” 

You ever see A Fish Called Wanda? The way whenever Otto crashes his car into someone else’s he always screams “asshoooooooooole!” 

That’s me, rn. 

I mean, I laughed the first time. But that was before...the incident. The moment that changed everything. 

Also, flying the car over traffic isn’t very subtle and secret-identity. 

Douchebags. 

[five-wow]

9.15 reaction under the cut!!!

is it just me or is every vaguely spanish speaking villain nicknamed “el diablo”? but hey, so far the only thing we’ve seen him do is tip well, so i’m inclined to not hate him too much, to be honest.

we’re barely a couple of minutes in and rachel is flirting. that is... flirting. at least danny looks slightly confused about it, omg (and hey, same) (but you know what the sad part is? i actually really love this premise of rachel and charlie taking shelter at danny’s during a storm and it could be so nice to see danny have a good relationship with his ex, but i don’t, as in do not, want them to turn that relationship into something romantic again, which clearly the show is angling for at the moment)

i’m glad they mentioned grace, though! no disappearing kids this time around! yay!

it’s kind of funny to me that the show keeps using “hpd doesn’t have enough man power so let’s send tani and junior out there to help them out” as a reason for why they’re doing hpd work, because i don’t actually mind, but... is calling on two people from five-0 who never even graduated the police academy actually going to do something about their problem in any meaningful way?

a shady guy who is staring at people from a car and says some cryptic spanish things on the phone!!! i think we’ve found a second Bad Guy, gasp

now he has a gun AND a knife. subtle.

not an actual complaint, but as a european sometimes i’m randomly reminded just how intensely American this show is, gosh. bad guy from random non-us country who has KILLED people, HUNDREDS, and death would be TOO GOOD for him so we need to put him in our WORST PRISON. [insert random speech from steve about a Good Navy Man who served his country and had a picture perfect american family that died]

tani and junior’s banter on the phone while they’re both driving through the storm is giving me life, aww. love them

there’s some heavy danny/rachel flirting and. i have SUCH conflicting feelings about this, because on the one hand, as an isolated scene, completely cut loose from all context, i actually think this is cute and the actors are good together and i like it? but there IS context and that means that this is a VERY BAD IDEA and it makes me extremely nervous. at least charlie comes to the viewer’s rescue with his reminder that he’s there too and he needs food, dear parents, you can’t feed him with misplaced sexual tension

random fbi guy has been chasing el diablo down for ten years and “that man cost me EVERYTHING I CARED ABOUT”. i’m so sorry, five-0 writers, because i know this was probably meant as very serious and gripping and you did your best, but i keep having to laugh at how perfectly, beautifully cliché this is

jerry and lou performing first aid on the wounded officer was a nice scene! i’m not sure how realistic it was, but i like that they took the time for that. usually random extras who get attacked either just die or are immediately whisked away into an ambulance or another random extra’s waiting arms.

charlie being put to bed is always sweet!! (and i like the parallels with that time steve put him to bed - more evidence for the Steve McGarrett Is 100% A Real Parent To Danny’s Kids argument)

fjdkfdjkfd oh my GOD this MUSIC after rachel implied they could use danny’s bed together WHY

and then they’re playing a dice game together instead of having sex. fjdkfjdk this is the GOOD kind of fake out, haaa.

not being able to hear your prisoner when he screams for help is kind of not great, oops

so they can’t keep their prisoner in the cell they had him in until now (because it’s full of gas) and they can’t keep him in the hallway, so steve says that their best option is to lock the guy in steve’s office. steve’s completely glass-walled office. are you... are you sure that’s your very best option?

lou’s story is nice!!! so far jerry and lou keeping watch over this injured guard might unexpectedly be my favorite plotline this episode.

of course all three of the fbi guys are taken out immediately so steve has to fight the Bad Guy all on his own in dramatic hand to hand combat. oh no, steve, babe

adam storms in just when steve is done. adam, my friend, your timing is awful.

i’m almost disappointed that junior came in and shot the guy that tani was fighting because i kind of loved that bit? tani managing just fine all on her own in that house full of people who aren’t very friendly towards her is my jam (although i will admit she was in a bit of a pickle there, at the end, so junior’s rescue might have been for the best :p )

i love charlie, omfg. he SHUSHES his parents (“i’m watching this!”) when they start up with some awkward nonsense about why they were sleeping on the couch together. thank you, charlie, because i didn’t want to hear it either. you’ve been all around wonderful this episode.

i’m not appreciating the meaningful looks between rachel and danny while rachel says “i had lots of fun”, but, you know, i can deal. it’s all been a lot less terrible than i was bracing myself for, i think? there’s been a lot of flirting but we haven’t seen anything explicit (no kisses, no actual sharing of beds, no literal “hey let’s get back together!” talk) and with a bit of willpower, it’s entirely possible to read this episode as very friendly exes looking after their kid together and having a fun night playing board games and falling asleep on the couch (with possibly some overt flirting from rachel, i’ll admit, but danny never really outright responds to that? so it could be interpreted as one-sided flirting, mostly)

there’s a knock at the door and it’s STEVE. AMAZING. adam could learn a thing or two from steve’s timing.

charlie launches himself at steve which is also very A+, and there’s a steve and rachel hug, which, unexpected, but i’m on board

steve: “also wanna make sure there was no... disasters, you know, natural or- otherwise.” I’M YELLING. that’s a jealous steve. you cannot convince me that wasn’t a jealous steve, or at least one that was unsubtly hinting “don’t date rachel don’t date rachel don’t date rachel”, especially with the camera cutting to rachel right after he says “or otherwise” while he talks about disasters that could have happened last night, holy shit

“that was a little awkward.” STEVE. I LOVE YOU

okay, this final scene i’ve seen, but can i just say that i absolutely love this??? i mean, a lot. A LOT.

“oh, i don’t call it a bribe. i call it pancakes.” YES, steve, you GET YOUR DANNY PANCAKES. EYES ON THE PRIZE.

and danny sputters and asks if steve is five after steve gives his very specific pancake order, but he GOES TO THE KITCHEN ANYWAY.

this is the happy end i didn’t even know this episode could have

final verdict: okay. OKAY. i’ve been very scared about how this episode would turn out, so maybe that has something to do with my feelings about it now because i’ve been expecting the absolute worst, but in the end i didn’t really mind it that much at all? most of the plots were pretty interesting, danny and rachel did some flirting but didn’t actually get back together (yet, because it is very obvious that they’re going there now, but i’m not thinking about that too much until it becomes an actual problem) and there’s absolutely room to interpret their interactions differently from what the writers probably intended (as in, room to ignore the romance they’re hinting at). and that last scene where steve suddenly turned up and got his pancakes?? that was perfect. 10/10 for that. best twist ending i could have hoped for, awww.