#I like rambling in my tags because this is the only place I ramble except my personal journal and to my wife

[a-spes]

| DEVIOUS LIES — Part two (8.790 words).

| Summary — Anon Request — When your friend asked you out for a drink, you didn't think much about it. Yet, maybe you should've, because that night ruined your life. It has been two years, and you can't stop think about what you lost. Your job, your friends, your lover, and even your mind was left in that motel room.

| Tags & warnings — Avenger!Natasha Romanoff x Avenger!Reader, AoS!OC x Avenger!Reader, Other Avengers, angst without comfort, cheating, mental health issues, suicidal ideations, self depreciation, mentions of SA&SH, manipulation, toxic relationship (OCxR), revenge porn, use of drugs.

| Author's notes — I don't know how I feel about that second part, i'm not sure i like it, but now it's written it costs me nothing to share. So here we are. I can just hope that I managed to convey, at least a little, the emotions I wanted to. And, most importantly, take care of yourself.

| MOODBOARD — ✧ — MASTERLIST — ✧ — TO SAY SOMETHING

| Part one. Part two. Part three.

Almost a year has gone by, and it means one thing: in a few weeks, it’s going to be Natasha's birthday, again. The woman is not sure how she feels about it. She never really had a birthday before she joined the Avengers, and despite the years that have passed since, she still feels a certain awkwardness at this time of the year. Especially as the boys tended to do too much.

She could only pretend to match their enthusiasm. A slight smile spreads across her face as she takes a sip from her drink, staying silent. She has been listening to her teammates talking about her birthday’s party for almost half an hour now. She stopped trying to avoid it a long time ago, when she realized how much they enjoyed organizing this stupid party. She can deal with anything they’re going to come up with if she gets to see their smiles in exchange. Her sentence won’t last more than a few hours, but the memories are going to stick with them for eternity, and it has no price.

"Wait, you know what?” someone asked. It was Clint, and by the mischievous smile on his face, the redhead already knew that she wouldn't appreciate the next words that are going to come out of his mouth. “I think we should have the mascot come over again," he added, his eyes not leaving hers. "What? It was funny to have a cartoon version of you running around," he defended himself when he saw her glance darkening.

"You know what? Do whatever you want," she mumbled, “it’s not as if you were asking for my opinion anyway,” she eventually gave in. Sometimes, you have to know how to pick your battles, and that is one she definitely cannot win, not when all the others seem to appreciate the idea.

"That’s such a great idea!” one exclaimed, and this time it was Peter Parker, “Mr. Stark, do you think they would accept to come again?” he asked the man.

"Obviously!" Tony replied without an ounce of hesitation, laughing at the question. The man thought it was a stupid thing to ask, "she likes you too much to miss your birthday,” he explained, pointing at the redhead while saying those words. "What? She pretends it’s not true, but I know she is lying. I can see right through her and, believe me, she’ll be here,"  he explained when he noticed the confused looks of his teammates.

"Who’s she?" a voice asked, cutting short to Tony’s rambling. That’s the question that has been on everyone’s minds, but that no one dared to ask out loud, except for one of them — And it hasn’t been Natasha, it is Steve that spoke first.

On the contrary, the woman remained silent because she didn’t need words to express herself, a silent conversation taking place between the billionaire and her through a simple glance. Even if she already has her suspicions, and is almost sure that she knows the answer to that question, she wants him to say it, refusing to believe it otherwise.

The moment she saw the box, she was intrigued by it, something drawing the woman to the small package that no one claimed as theirs. It’s almost as if it came out of nowhere, no one knowing who left it here, or what may be inside the black box. At first, she thought it was some joke, but she knew they were being honest when saying they had nothing to do with the gift. And if she had expected a lot of things to be wrapped in the red ribbon, she definitely wasn’t ready for a ghost from her past to emerge from it.

A quick glance before she suddenly closes the box again, that’s all it took for the redhead to know who was behind that gift. The only thing she could think about was how — How did it happen without any of them noticing your presence? Despite the appearances, and the smile she was trying to keep on, the woman was shaken — Why would you do that, more than two years after your break up? Could it be that you are that desperate?

"Is everything okay?" Clint asked, being the only one to seem to notice a change in Natasha’s behavior. At least, everyone had enough restraint to not ask the question that burns their lips — What’s inside the box?

She wouldn’t have answered if one of them had asked. She wouldn’t even have opened the gift if she had known that it was from you, and that’s probably why you left it on the table, avoiding giving it to her directly. Smart girl, she thought. At first sight, the woman couldn’t tell it was coming from you but there was no doubt remaining once she saw the content — There is only one person on Earth that cares enough to give her such a gift. A person that constantly looks after her, guessing what the redhead wasn’t telling.

A person that she used to love. 

A person that couldn’t be here, was she? The woman can’t help but glance around but she can’t find your face. What was she expecting anyway? To see you in the corner of the room with a bright smile and your arms open for her to throw herself in a hug? That was stupid, and so is the hint of hope she felt when she opened the box. The others told her many times she has to turn the page, but she doesn’t seem ready to let you go. Even after two years, she is still craving your presence as much as before.

The thought of it puts to shame the redhead who knows she shouldn’t hold on to the past, especially when the past in question has a pretty face and breaks her heart. Even after what you’ve done to her, she has spent hours crying, praying for you to come back. Even after listening to the others assuring her that she deserves better, she couldn’t forget how you’ve always been the most caring, and strong, and beautiful person she has ever met in her life. 

You weren’t horrible. Were you? 

Sometimes, she thinks you are a monster. 

Sometimes, she thinks she is, for not listening to you that day. 

That day, she let her anger speak for her, something she swore she would never do again. When she started to realize that, maybe, she should’ve listened to your version of the events, it was too late. At the time, she couldn’t bear to hear the sound of your voice or see your voice, but after two years, as the memory of it starts to fade away, she surprised herself to miss it. 

Except that Fury had refused to tell her where you were. She tried to ask nicely, to beg, and even to threaten the man, but none of it worked. He said that you needed time, that you’ll be back when you are ready, not before. Despite her frustration, the woman accepted it. After all, she is the one to blame, the one that puts herself in such a situation. She could only hold on to the fact that, one day, you’ll be back. Right? As the days go by, the likelihood of ever seeing you again is gradually diminishing. Some nights, when she can’t sleep, she stays up, eyes fixed on her laptop’s screen — Maybe she could give fate a helping hand? She knows she could find you easily. Yet, despite her urge to do it, she has always ended up closing her laptop without starting the research. 

She has to trust Fury, she repeats to herself. Even if she sometimes disagrees with the man, even if it’s frustrating, she has to believe him when he says that you are safe.

Some other nights, all she can feel is anger, and hatred. The redhead is lost, and scared, again, something she never thought she would feel again the day you two met. What if it was true, and you really cheated on her? Then, you could do it again if she forgives you, because history always repeats itself, and you are no exception to the rules of the universe. She knows how people tend to promise a lot of things that they don’t mean, especially when they are desperate, which is exactly what you’ve been that day. She couldn’t forget the look on your face when she dragged you out of the building, the despair in those bright eyes, glistening with tears. This is the only thing she can remember when she thinks about you. Not the good moments you’ve shared, only the brutality of the end of your relationship. 

You've abandoned her, and so did she.

It has been three since she last saw you, and almost a year since her birthday party, but the woman couldn’t stop thinking about it. She didn’t take the gift, leaving the jewelry in the box, and the box on a shelf. She hasn't touched it since. How could she when just the sight of it was already too much to bear?

Every day, when she wakes up, it is one of the first things she sees, and one of the last when she goes to sleep. If it doesn’t feel right to the woman to take the gift, it doesn’t feel right to throw it in the bin either, so it stayed here as a constant reminder of what she has done. Every time she thinks she is finally over it, the box rekindles her doubts. There are some things she can’t quite understand about the situation, and why you would give her such a gift, two years after she kicked you out, is one of them.

Maybe it was a poisoned gift. Maybe it was a sick trick to make her feel guilty, a way to get her to crawl back to you. Beside these possibilities, she couldn’t think of any others that were likely, and she was afraid to admit that your plan was working. The box was a permanent reminder of your existence, something she couldn’t get herself to give away because of those dumb feelings she was experiencing. Somehow, she was holding on to that last piece of your years together after she threw away everything else with the help of the team.

The pictures, the clothes, the gifts, even your favorite cutlery has been burned a few days after you left them. It is almost as if you’ve never stepped a foot into the building, as if you’ve never existed. The woman was fine with the idea of pretending that nothing happened — She was fine with the idea of erasing every remaining part of your relationship.

Except that black box. It is stupid how she hangs onto that last proof of the relationship she once had with you. She had burned everything, but she couldn’t get herself to do the same with that gift. Maybe because she knew that she could never erase you completely from her life. She surely could pretend, it is a game she is really good at, but you would always be on the back of her mind because memories don't go away as easily as objects do.

Since she had opened the box, doubt had been creeping inside of her — What if? What if she has been wrong the whole time? What if she should have listened to you? Give you a second chance? That day, her reaction had been dictated by anger and hatred, feelings that still inhabit her soul, but have faded over the years. For two years, she had been sure that she made the right choice — At least, that’s what everyone kept telling the woman, and she listened to their comforting words.

But since she opened the box, she was no longer sure of anything. She wasn’t the one that wanted you gone in the first place. She surely needed a bit of space before being able to talk with you properly, but only a few days, maybe a few weeks, not two years, and definitely not more than that. That little box only worsened her doubt because who would be desperate enough to still cling to the person they betrayed, years after the events? A person truly in love. She had kept her doubts for herself before that day. If she is almost sure of the identity of the person who gave her the box, because there is only one person on that planet that cares enough to gift her something so meaningful, there are still a lot of questions to which she doesn’t have the answers — For example, how did you manage to sneak into the building without everyone knowing? She now knows that someone knew the whole time.

“Tell me,” she firmly asked the man, leaving little room for discussion.

No one pointed out the thing he has said about the mascot, the subject of the conversation quickly changed after that. Except, while they were talking about which flavor the cake should be, Natasha could think of nothing but Tony’s words — “She likes you too much to miss your birthday”, “she pretends it’s not true but I know she is lying.” So when everyone eventually decided to go back to their rooms, around two in the morning, she stayed a bit longer in the common room in hope of getting some information.

“Sorryy, I can’t, I don’t know anything,” the man replied, indifferent to her tone, “anything at all,” he repeated, chuckling like a child who has done something wrong. 

The woman sighs, pinching her nose as she takes a deep breath, trying to not lash out her frustration on the man. The conversation isn’t exactly going the way she had hoped, Tony refusing to answer her question no matter how many times she has already asked. She even tried to blackmail him, but he was persistent in pretending that he didn’t know anything. When he almost falls on the ground trying to get a few steps back, it has been the last straw for the woman. Gladly, someone entered the room before she could hit him so hard that it would have sobered him in an instant.

"Is everything okay?" the voice asked, and both of them immediately shut up to turn their heads toward the woman who just entered the room, Astrid. She is leaning in the doorway, her gaze alternating between Tony and Natasha.

She hates her. Not as much as she hates you, but she still feels resentful toward the agent. When she smiles, when she speaks, even when she is just here, existing, the woman can’t help but hate her from the depths of her heart. Gladly, she rarely sees her, as an agent of the S.H.I.E.L.D., she is only around when they have outstanding missions. If Natasha had a choice, she would’ve thrown her away with you that day. 

"She wants me to admit that her girlfriend was the one in the costume," he immediately replied, "but sshht, we can’t let her know that!" he added, holding his index finger in front of his mouth for a few seconds before leaving the room giggling. 

"I know what happened," she eventually said when she noticed that Natasha was about to leave after a few seconds when they glanced at each other in silence. "Th- That night, in the motel room~," she added, her voice being hesitant. Those words made the redhead stop in her tracks.

"If you're about to rub in my face how you've ruined my life, you can shut up," she immediately cut her, not wanting to listen to the woman, not if it’s to tell her about how she fucked the woman she loves. Her voice was full of anger, just like the murderous look in her eyes. The only thing that prevented the woman from immediately leaving the room was the thing she saw in the other’s eyes. Her attitude betrayed her emotions, a mix of guilt, sadness, and shame, which aroused her curiosity. 

With a nod, she ordered her to continue.

That morning, as many others, you are woken up by your girlfriend’s gentle touches, her fingers slowly tracing circles on your stomach. A hum of satisfaction escapes your lips before your turn around, nuzzling your head further into the crook of her neck.

How could you have known it would be the last time? How could you have possibly guessed that the routine you’ve got used to would be broken so quickly?

Every morning, it is the same thing, and while the former spy has no problems getting up early, you definitely can’t say the same for yourself. She is always awake before you are and, even if she had never admitted it, you are sure that she takes a few minutes to observe your sleeping form. She loves seeing you so peaceful and calm, being able to have a glimpse of your face without those worry lines, without the marks of your anxieties. 

She is always the one who wakes you up, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. There is no better way to start a day than Natasha’s sweet words and caresses. It’s her fault if you never want to get out of bed, wishing every morning that you could stay in that bed, next to her, for the rest of your life. Sometimes, you suggest that you tell the others you are sick, just to spend a day together, but she just laughs, dismissing your idea.

But all the good things must come to an end, right?

"It's time to get up, milaya," she softly said in your ear, her breath tickling your skin, "Astrid won't be happy if you are late again," she added when the only answer you gave her was a groan of discontent.

"They won't say anything if I am late once, it's okay", you mumbled, her words not being enough to convince you to leave the comfort of her arms. 

Especially when you realize that there is nothing to get excited about the day ahead of you, in perspective, only hours spent in an office, listening to men who think they know everything better than you do. Today, you are supposed to attend an important meeting alongside Astrid, and you still don’t know why you volunteered. The thought of the paperwork and the efforts that you will have to put in pretending that you are actually happy to be here definitely don’t worth your pay.

Except that you’ve lied to Natasha, and she knows it. This is definitely not the first time that you are being late, it happens almost every day, to the point that the day you are in time can probably be counted on your hands. Gladly, when you are coming in the S.H.I.E.L.D.’s quarters, it's Astrid who’s your supervisor, and she appears to also be your best friend. Most of the time, she is kind enough to accept to close her eyes on your delays. Today, you came in only ten minutes late, and the woman was somehow impressed, expecting you to be later than that.

“You’re late, again,” she replied, obviously waiting for an excuse that you don't have. She would know if you are lying to her, and you don't have the energy for that kind of game today, and you could see that the woman neither. She was starting to get tired of every day starting with the same bullshit coming from your mouth.

“I am so, so, sorry,” you said to her for what may be the tenth time since you’ve entered the office. She is walking fast, and you are trying to catch up with the black-haired woman, who is also your superior within the S.H.I.E.L.D. “Please, don’t tell Fury,” you begged, but all she did was roll her eyes, and give you a file when you eventually reached her office. You quickly glanced at it before closing it again, your attention focused on the woman, “Astrid, I am serious. He is going to give me more paperwork if you do. Or worse. Imagine if he forces me to train the new recruits, you know I can’t do that again. Please, …,” you added, looking at her imploringly.

“And what do I have in exchange?” she sighed, turning around to look at you, one eyebrow raised. Despite her serious expression, you know she was trying to not laugh. She may be your boss, but above all she is your friend, and you both know that she would never tell Fury about your delays. Even if she has threatened you to do so a few times in the past, she has never actually done it. Yet, this time she felt like she needed something in exchange, she had covered for you enough time for free, and you were happy to thank your friend with whatever she may want.

“Anything you want!” you replied, desperate but no less honest. 

“Tonight, after work, you pay me a drink, deal?” she asked after pretending to think for a few seconds. In reality, she already knew what she wanted from you. She has thought about asking you out since the moment you met, something you’ve never noticed, always reducing her to the role of a friend, and not keeping up on the clues she was leaving you. Tonight, however, she will be clearer than she has ever been.

“Deal!” you immediately said, accepting the proposal without thinking twice about it. "Thank you. Thank you so, so much. You are the best," you added, kissing your friend on the cheek before leaving the room quickly, a sight that made the woman chuckle.

It is a deal that makes you both happy. You have met Astrid at the Academy, when you were both trainees that dreamed of joining the S.H.I.E.L.D. without even knowing if you were good enough for that. The two of you quickly became close — That’s the kind of thing that happens where you are the only two females of your promotion. Either you hate each other over your dead bodies, or you grow so close that you become inseparable. 

Except that, since you've both achieved your dreams and joined S.H.I.E.L.D, something changed in your relationship. It wasn’t your fault, nor hers, that you had less time to see each other, your jobs taking a lot of your time and energy. Then you've been assigned on a long-term mission with the Avengers, and you’ve spent less time at the S.H.I.E.L.D.’s quarters despite still working for the organization. Then you've met Natasha, and you feel like you’ve slightly grown apart from each other after you’ve announced to her your new relationship. On the whole, you had less time to spend with your best friend, and the promises to make up for the lost time have never been kept, not until today. That deal was the perfect occasion to spend a bit of time together outside of the office work.

You both really hoped that this night would make things back as they were before.

"You know, I love her," she confessed to the redhead, her voice being barely louder than a whisper as she felt tears filling her eyes. "Since the day we met, I have loved her. That's what I told her, that night, when we went out," she admitted, and Natasha felt her heart pounding in her chest, her hands were shaking with apprehension, “but she rejected me. She loves you so much, too much," she sadly chuckled, but the redhead felt no relief when she heard those words because they were not explaining the pictures. She can't cry, not now, not in front of that woman.

"Continue," she ordered, feeling that the woman had more to say than that. She already knew that Astrid loved you, you may be the only one that hadn't seen it, or maybe you were pretending, or maybe you were blinded by your love for Natasha.

"I didn't plan to do that, you know," she started, carefully looking at the spy, "but I was so desperate that night, and I-," she said, except she was unable to finish her sentence, the words stuck in her throat.

The past three years, she had kept the truth a secret. At first, she thought it was better that way. The woman was ashamed of her actions, and she was relieved when heard that you’ve been transferred to another department, and she thought that her secret would be safe. Except that, if everyone acted as if you’ve never existed, her mind didn’t allow her to forget. Every hour of every day, you were in her mind, and the longer she thought about that night, the biggesther guilt became, until the burden was too heavy to bear. Tonight, hearing them argue about you, has been the last straw.

“What did you do?” she asked, sensing that something was wrong. She didn’t like the feeling that was creeping inside of her, “what. did. you. do.?” she asked once again, but more firmly that time, when the other didn’t immediately answer her question. As she saw the hesitation, she reduced the distance between them in a second, her hand gripping the collar of Astrid’s shirt that she pins to the wall abruptly, “tell me. Now,” she insisted as the interaction only reinforced the bad feeling she had.

That morning, unlike the others, you woke up alone. There haven’t been the gentle caresses of your girlfriend to wake you up, nor her sweet words to coax you into getting up. No, that day, it was only yourself, draped into the cold sheets, and it felt so strange, the silence and the loneliness of the room. Sadly, it has not been the exception you’ve wished it would be, but only the first of too many mornings like that.

In the sleepy state you were in, it took you a few seconds to realize that something was wrong, and almost a minute before you noticed that you weren’t home. You couldn’t even recognize the place you were in, only knowing that it looked like a hotel, a shitty one if you might say. The room was small, simple, and not-so-comfortable. There was something in the ambience that gave you an uneasy feeling about the whole thing, but you were unable to say what it was exactly.

Your head is throbbing, and you are definitely feeling nauseous, but you know that’s not the problem. Your physical distress isn’t the cause of the weight on your chest, the one that makes your breath aching, it’s something else that your mind can’t comprehend yet. It’s all these inconsistencies. The missing memories of last night, the unknown room, the fact that you are alone,... you don’t remember drinking that much last night. You may not be the most responsible person that planet has known, but you know how to handle yourself. Usually. 

Could you have possibly drunk that much? 

The day has barely started, but you already know it is going to be a rough one. If only you knew how right you were, maybe you would have taken a few more hours of sleep, enjoying the comfortable peace of your old life a bit longer before joining the chaos. Yet, you had no means to guess that your day would go that way. 

It's a note left on the bedside table that answered all your questions, easing some of the worries that were creeping inside of you. Someone has written the following words : “Couldn’t get you home because of how drunk you were. don’t worry about being late today, I won’t tell Fury. however, had to go on a mission, be careful when you go home. I left you a bit of money, it should be enough to pay for the room and an Uber. Love you.” The message might not have been signed, but you can easily recognize Astrid’s handwriting. A smile spreads across your lips as you are reassured, the situation not being as bad as your mind made it look.

Some memories of last night flew back in your mind, but it’s only a glimpse of what happened, a lot of the events staying unknown to yourself. The last thing you can remember is the conversation you had with Astrid, when she admitted that she loved you and you replied that you too, thinking she meant as friends because you couldn’t see her any other way, not when you were already engaged in a relationship. The rest of the exchange is confused, and you are not sure what’s real and what has been made up by alcohol. Even today, you are still not sure. 

Maybe you’ve really drunk too much that night.

Knowing that you’ve been with Astrid the whole time was reassuring, and you are no longer as bothered by the absence of memories. For a moment, you thought you'd been kidnapped by some weird man. As you regain your composure, your thoughts become clearer and you decide that the first thing you should do is to send a message to your girlfriend. She must be so worried, and your heart aches at the thought that you might be a source of problem for the woman you love.

It is not your kind to not keep your promises, and you’ve told her you would be home last night. It is not your kind either to not answer her messages or calls. In reality, you are quite the opposite, always sending her hundreds of messages when you are out with your friends. The only reason she hasn’t got after you is because she knew you were with Astrid, and she trusted you. However, the sweet messages are going to have to wait because, when you try to turn your phone on, you only encounter a black screen, a sign that you’ve run out of battery. Obviously, your friend didn’t think to leave you a charger.

You sigh, admitting your defeat. Shaking your phone surely won’t change the situation. For the moment, there is nothing more you can do, except hoping that Natasha won’t be too angry. As you are getting ready, your mind is focused on how to earn the redhead’s forgiveness — Maybe you could stop to buy her some flowers? You hate it, when the two of you are arguing. It doesn’t happen a lot, but it’s never pretty, and the mere thought that it might happen was already hurting.

As you definitely couldn’t go back to the compound by yourself, not knowing how far you were and being in a pitiful state, you decided to use the money left by Astrid to call a cab, as she instructed you to do. It’s not before you enter the car that you realize how late you actually were. It is almost one in the afternoon, and if you are not an early riser, like your girlfriend who is always up by six at the latest, you rarely get up after ten.

It has been a thirty minutes drive back to the compound, and the whole time you were thinking about two things: taking a shower, and leaning into your girlfriends’ arms. You are so exhausted, physically and mentally, that you’ve decided to skip work today — You were already so late that it wouldn’t make a big difference anyway. The journey was long, and those thirty minutes felt like hours. 

Soon enough, you started to suffocate into your own mind, then skin. You felt so sweaty, and dirty, that it quickly became unbearable. Maybe it was the effects of the alcohol, or maybe because you’ve slept in a seedy motel, but the only thing you wanted was to get rid of the clothes you were wearing and the uncomfortable state you were in as soon as possible.

When you enter the compound, you find it empty, and so is the room you are sharing with the woman. If you frown, you don’t think much about it. If the building is rarely empty, it sometimes happens when emergencies are called. A whine escapes your lips as you realize that, if it’s true, they are going to be mad at you for not being here when they needed it. You can already feel your mind losing itself to self-hatred thoughts, as you mutter to yourself how stupid you are. You are going to need more than a few flowers to earn their forgiveness. The fact that JARVIS confirmed that everyone was at the S.H.I.E.L.D.'s quarters didn’t, you would have preferred to hear that they went to the restaurant without you rather than that.

Tears brimming your eyes, you quickly put your phone to charge. It is only when you get out of the shower, twenty minutes later, that you saw the missed calls and messages from Natasha. The most recent ones were sent a few minutes ago. There were too many of them for you to take time to read everything so you just sent her a quick text that said: “sorry, my battery was dead, and I couldn’t answer your calls. I’ll explain everything, I promise. see you soon. love you.” A message she saw but she didn’t answer, which is unusual and an obvious hint of how angry she probably is.

Despite your decision to not work today, you still end up in the S.H.I.E.L.D.’s quarters. You are almost running in the corridors, going to the meeting room where you find your girlfriend, and the rest of the Avengers. When you stumble into the room, a deadly silence descends. None of them greeted you, and the only reaction you got was Fury’s nod when you started mumbling excuses for your late arrival. While your eyes immediately landed on the redhead, she didn’t glance at you once of the entire meeting. The sight made your heart sink. You love her, but you have to admit that the spy is scary when she has that stern expression on her face, one that leaves no room for discussion.

The safest decision was to sit on the furthest chair, leaving her space until you get the opportunity to explain yourself. Something that you hadn't had a chance to do before a few more hours, when you stumbled into her in the corridors. You have been lost in your mind, having a hard time focusing on your work. Earlier, when the meeting ended, she immediately left the room, not leaving you a chance to exchange a word with her, and it has been bugging you since.

“Please, wait,” you said, already begging the woman. When she heard your voice, she stopped, allowing you to gently grab at her arm so she didn't go. She could, if she wanted to, and a part of her did want to run away, but the rest of her knows that this conversation can’t be avoided. “Listen, I- I am sorry,” you started once you were sure she was willing to listen to your excuses, “I should have warned you, but I couldn’t, my phone’s battery was dead and, and- honestly? I don't remember much of what happened last night. All I know is that once was enough. It won't happen again,” you chuckled sadly. When you woke up that morning, you promised to yourself that it was the last time you drank that much. A promise you kept, and three years later, you still haven’t touched a bottle of alcohol. “I promise, 'tasha. Please, don't be mad at me for that, or at least tell me how I can make up for my mistake,” you said, and the woman knew she had heard enough.

“Seriously?” she scoffed, breaking free of your grip. “I can’t believe you are that stupid,” she said, as she started to walk away. But if she didn’t want to hear the sound of your voice any more, you, however, weren’t done yet.

"I know I’ve made a mistake, but I am fine, isn’t it the most important?” you asked, starting to follow. Except that, when she heard your steps in her back, she accelerated her pace. “I promise to be more careful next time but, you know, I can handle myself for one night. Well, I might have drunk a bit too much, but Astrid was wi~,” you tried to explain, except she cut short your ramblings. To say, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but the woman quickly cut you. She scoffed again, in disbelief this time.

"You are really stupid, aren't you?” she said, stopping in her tracks, and you almost ran into her, surprised by her sudden stop. A few more seconds passed before she turned around to face you, her posture matching her stern expression. “Do you think I don't know what happened last night, with Astrid? Do you really think I wouldn’t have known the truth?” she added, taking a step forward for every question she asked, and you took one back every time, until your back hit the walls. You would certainly have found the situation hot if she didn’t look like she was about to murder you.

“W- what?” you said, “you are mad because I went out with a friend. That’s the problem? Astrid is the problem?" you snapped, starting to feel frustrated about the whole situation. 

You are tired, and the only thing you’ve wanted to do since you opened your eyes that morning — Throwing yourself in your girlfriend’s arms — was impossible to do. You hadn’t expected the woman to give you such a hard time. You knew she could be jealous sometimes, you’ve already had arguments about that in the past, but you’ve always been understanding because you know that her jealousy isn’t caused by a lack of trust. This feeling is fuelled by her own insecurities and past. Except that, that time, it was too much. The way she wouldn't listen to your excuses is seriously hitting on your nerves.

"Don't you dare to lie to me,” she said. For a moment, you thought she was going to hit you, but she took a step back before she could do that. She was angry too, taking deep breaths in an attempt to ease the feeling. “I trusted you,” she eventually added but her tone was different — The anger left her voice, replaced by pain. “I trusted you and, most importantly, I loved you,” she whispered, turning around to see you one last time. “After everything I have done for you, I can't believe that's how you are thanking me. You know, I really thought you were different, better," she laughed, trying very hard to not throw you against the walls or worse, to cry. The most insufferable was the look in your eyes, the false innocence. She was tired of pretending, she had given you enough chances to tell her the truth, “but you’re not,” but now, she was done trying.

That is the last time the two of you talked. The next time you’ve seen her, she hasn’t been kind enough to let you have a chance to explain things. She was done trying, and so were you. The last words she said are still ringing in your head, even years later. Maybe if you'd chased her once again that day, things would have ended differently, but you haven’t moved. You couldn’t, petrified by the conversation that just took place, you have just watched the redhead walking away without glancing back.

It’s only when you enter the break room that you understand the whole conversation you had with Natasha. No one was here, but the walls had been covered with pictures of yourself. At first, you thought it was a prank from your teammates’ but the pictures were all but innocent. You felt your heart sink when you took down one of the photos to get a closer look at it, and tears in your eyes when you realized that you were nude in those.

It was you, in bed, with Astrid. Your face doesn’t entirely show but you can easily recognize yourself and the bed you’ve woken up in that morning. There were dozens of different pictures, but all showed similar scenes: your bodies against each other as you are obviously sharing an intimate moment. Something that you should only share with one person on that Earth. A person that is definitely not Astrid. 

Except that the more you look at those pictures, the more foreign they feel. You are sure you are the one in the pictures, but you are still unable to remember what happened. Slowly, doubt creeps into your heart — Did you drink that much last night? 

So much that you betrayed the woman you swore to love until the sun dies? 

You feel tears welling up in your eyes. You are suddenly overwhelmed by a bunch of emotions that you can’t describe, but that are definitely not pleasant. It is a mix of confusion, anger, guilt, and disgust. The pictures speak for themselves, and they leave little room for doubt about what you were doing — And you were surely not just sleeping. The woman was on top of you, her mouth closed to your neck, maybe she was leaving soft kisses against your skin, maybe she was whispering sweet things in your ears, you don’t know. But the thing you were focused on was her hand hidden by the sheets, leaving only your imagination to complete the scene. It wasn’t the only picture of that kind: they were all picturing similar scenes. You can easily understand her rage and hatred earlier because you are now sharing those feelings with your girlfriend, just for different reasons.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" a voice said, pulling out of your mind. It was Astrid, who just entered the room. She glanced around before looking back at you, a sad smile spreading on her lips when she notices the tears that are soaking your face. and you saw Astrid entering the room. She looks around, a sorry look on her face. "I am sorry,” she started, and you could feel she was looking for the right thing to say, “I- I sent the pictures to the wrong person. When I realized, I tried to explain to Romanoff but, well… you know how she is,” she explained, shrugging as if she was trying to make you believe she had actually tried to, “she wouldn't listen to me, and they- they did that before I could stop them. It doesn’t please me either," she added, reminding you that you weren’t the only one suffering from the situation. Except she seemed to deal with the situation better than you do. As she talked, she slowly walked closer to you, accompanying each of her sentences with a few steps forward until she was close enough to wrap you in her arms. 

You didn’t get the energy to push her away.

"Did we.. ?" you asked, but your voice broke before you could finish your sentence. It felt too difficult to say those words out loud — “Did we hook up? Did I cheat on Natasha?” But the woman doesn’t need the words to be said, she seems to read in your mind the end of your sentence.

"Of course we did, what kind of question is that?" she replied, frowning. She seems to be surprised by your question. For a second, the hand that was slowly caressing the back of your head stopped. The woman pulled back a little, just so she could see your face. "Why? Do you regret it?" she asked, and for an instant she seemed to be genuinely worried about your reaction, "because you didn't seem to last night, when you cried my name,..." she whispered in your ear. You could feel her breath tickling your skin but it wasn’t a pleasant feeling, unlike when Natasha does it.

Everything felt so much. Her voice, her touch, her presence so close to you, was now unbearable. As she remembers the night you’ve spent, a soft smirk spreads on her lips, but you are definitely not sharing her feelings. “Of course we did.” The words loop back into your mind, it seeps in like a poison that quickly takes over your whole being. Soon, you are paralyzed by an awful feeling. It hurts, but at the same time you are not sure you are actually feeling something, your body and mind feeling so foreign to you — If you wanted it, why does it feel so wrong?

At that moment, if you had been able to move, you would have ripped your ears off just so you wouldn’t hear her voice any more, and maybe you would have done the same with your skin. It felt like the only way to get rid of your overwhelming feelings. Suddenly, the reassuring touch of your best friend made you feel gross, and so do her sweet words — But if she said that you did it, and wanted it, then it must be true, right?

You have seen the pictures, they are in your hands, right under your eyes. You can see yourself betraying the woman you love and in those, you really don't give the impression that you didn’t want to. On the contrary.

"No, no, it- it's not that, it’s just…," you eventually managed to say, but you are hesitating and unsure of yourself. There are too many thoughts and words clouding your head, so many ways you could react and yet, none of what you could say or do felt right. "It’s just that I don’t even remember last night,” you admitted, feeling ashamed about it, “I mean, did we- you know,... for real?" you asked softly but you were not even listening to Astrid’s answer, the question was more for yourself in reality. "Sorry, I have to go, see you later", you said, interrupting the woman. Somehow, you regained control over your body, just enough to push the other away and leave the room. You are not sure where you are going, but as far from that room as you can is already a good start.

That's where she found you when she came home that night, sitting on the bathroom's floor, the pictures in your hands.

Your hand is still wrapped tightly around the pictures, but you didn’t notice it. Not before being back home, in the room you are sharing with Natasha — Or were sharing, you thought, unsure about how the situation would unfold. It may be the last time you set a foot in that room that has been your safe place for months. Before you could completely break down, you decided to take a shower, thinking that, maybe, the steaming water would be enough to ease your mind. You took two showers. Then three, then four, and maybe more. You can’t be sure, you’ve stopped counting. All you knew was that it hasn’t been enough to get rid of the uneasy feelings and thoughts. You’ve scrubbed yourself until your skin was so sensitive that even the touch of the towel has been painful — But maybe you deserved it.

The rest of the day is a blur, and you are not sure what time it is. You’ve spent hours on the bathroom’s floor, your left hand clenched around the picture while the right one was holding the towel. Your head was so empty, but so full at the same time. That’s how she found you when she came home that night, and if she had been tempted to wrap you in her arms when she saw your pitiful state, the conversation she just had with the others discouraged her to do so — You didn’t deserve her pity. They are right when they say that you are not the victim: you are the one that cheated on her, and she needs to be firm, stern. You knew how hard it is for the woman to trust someone and yet, you still broke the fate she had put in you after years of making her dream of a better future.

"Oh, so you remember now?" she coldly said to you when she entered the room. You didn’t move, not even your eyes to look at her, but if you did, you would have seen that the woman was leaning in the doorway with her arms crossed. Maybe you would have also seen that her coldness was only a facade, and that she was as close as you were from breaking down. 

You stayed silent, unable to say anything. The words were stuck in your clenched throat, and they aren’t feeling right anyway — How could you defend yourself when you didn't even know what happened exactly? Plus, you weren’t even sure there was something to defend, the pictures speaking for themselves. Even when she started packing your belongings, you didn’t move. For you to move, she had to grab your arm and drag you all the way outside the Avengers’s building by herself. 

She needed you gone, and everyone agreed that it was only for the best. At least for a few weeks, just the time for things to calm down. That’s what she came to announce. The few words that left your mouth were useless, your pleas falling in deaf ears: the decision had already been made, and the sentence was irrevocable. The woman is done with your bullshit. She is done with you, and so you are.

"The pictures, they- they aren't real," she eventually admitted, her voice being barely louder than a whisper as she unburdens herself of this old secret. “I mean, th- they are, but it’s a staging. Nothing happened between us, she- hm, loves you too much to give you away,” she continued, tears filling her eyes as she talks, her voice wavering a little more with each word. "She isn't even conscious in these," she continued when the spy didn’t react. If the black-haired woman thought it was because the other was listening, it was because she didn’t know how to react.

The weight of what she had done left her shoulder, and it was now lingering in the room, where the air was suddenly thick, and almost unbreathable. Natasha felt a weight in her chest that made each breath harder than the previous one. Overcome by surprise, she had let go of the other, stepping back a few steps. Her thoughts were racing, numerous and contradictory, they weren’t coherent enough to allow how to respond in any way. She needed to do something, but she didn’t know what.

“I- I don’t know why I did that. It wasn’t me, that night, you know that, right? That I would usually never ever do something like that,” she started to defend herself when she saw the look on Natasha’s face, “I was so angry, and disappointed, when she refused. I have given her everything since we met, and yet you are the one she chose. I thought that, maybe, with a bit of time she would eventually realize her mistake, … but I was so wrong,” she sighed, and the redhead could see the remnants of that anger in her attitude. A clenching jaw and fists, accompanied with firm words that left no doubt about the resentment she held towards her, and towards you. “That night, I- I wasn’t myself. We’ve already had a few drinks and, you know, it doesn’t mix well with emotions,” she continued, and the woman could feel her anger rising with every word the other spoke. “All I could think about was getting revenge. I wanted to show her she was wrong, that I had so much more to offer than she thought. I wanted her to change her mind, to see me for more than just a friend,” she admitted, her voice being just a whisper as she says the last sentence. “I never thought it would end this way, I swear, you’ve to believe me, Natasha,” and to forgive me. She didn’t say the last words out loud, but she doesn’t need to, her eyes are speaking for herself.

Only, when her gaze met the redhead’s, she didn’t see in her eyes the compassion she had been expecting, only pure hatred, an emotion that had quickly replaced the initial surprise. Not even a word was addressed to her as the other left the room, leaving her alone to dry her tears.

| MOODBOARD — ✧ — MASTERLIST — ✧ — TO SAY SOMETHING

| Part one. Part two. Part three.

| Taglist — @cd-4848, @chocolatestrawberrykryptonite, @gemz5, @jusnough, @m0nsterqzzz, @marvelwomenarehot0, @mrsrushman, @riyaexee, @takeyaki, @taliiiaasteria.

[kinopio-writes]

Hello dearie!!

How are you? I hope you're doing well!

I saw that your asks were open,and your content is really cool and silly,So I decided to leave you a nice ask to enjoy!

Could I have a headcanon platonic! Alastor,Vox and Husk finding a random child next to their dead mother, except that they don't really understand that she's dead and think she's sleeping,so they pity the child and take them in?

The child is really polite and nice,pretty calm,too. Sure,they do child stuff,like running around,being excited,etc,but they still are more calm than others.

They always talk about their mother,how she's the only one left,and how they love her.

Would the characters say the truth? Would they lie?

I just love hurt/comfort and platonic relationships so :3

Anyways,I hope that's not too much,and that you enjoy writing this!

Have a really nice day,don't forget to drink and take breaks!

Stay proud!

-Nina <33

A/N: Thank you for the reminders, heh. Btw, I’m going to have to change the reasons as to why they took you in because I just don’t see characters like Alastor and Vox taking you in because of pity. Sorry about that. The rest is untouched. You’ll still get a bit of that hurt/comfort (mostly from Husk, lol. Both Alastor and Vox are non-existent, but Alastor is somehow better than Vox).

Warnings: Mentions of death

———

Alastor, Husk, and Vox adopting a deceased mom’s child

Alastor

• Alastor paid no mind to the dead corpse

• it didn’t really look that appetizing anyway

• “How unfortunate.” You heard a weird voice from behind you as a hand was placed on your shoulder. “A child mourning in the demise of its mother. Tragic, really. You have my condolences.”

• “What are you talking about, mister?” You stared up at the mysterious man, watching his eyes flick from your left to right eye while his grin only grew as the seconds went by

• “I think you’ve just found yourself the perfect dwelling,” he abruptly said, letting go of your shoulder to fix his bowtie as he sprung back to life. “Why don’t you come with me?”

• “But what about my mother?”

• “She is in good hands, I can assure you.” He offered his hand to you. “Come along, now. Children shouldn’t dwell long in places like these.”

• and so he took you in to be a patron at his hotel

• I mean, what’s more easier to redeem than a child? (assuming you’re a sinner. I don’t know if it’s canon anymore that only hellborns can reproduce. Look at Cannibal Town’s people)

• he intended to leave you in the rest of the residents’ care while they could only guess what his actual motivation was for taking you in

• but it seemed you ended up favoring him more than the rest

• you’d follow him around like a duckling—a lost puppy—you’re attached to him like a leech

• and you’re so well-behaved, too

• up until he leaves your sight

• he actually leaves the hotel a lot more often now because of that

• he finds you wrecking chaos in the hotel entertaining as hell

• and the fact that the others beg him to come back to calm you down

• I don’t think you would ever know what happened to your mother

• even when you talk about her a lot

• those rambles never really prompt him to say anything

• well, it’s not as if he knew what happened to her

• but, hey, at least he listens!

• maybe it’s because he feels a little nostalgic hearing the way you talk about her…

———

Husk

• Husk was fucking spooked when he found you lying beside your dead mother

• not because of the corpse, but because of the way you were staring at him

• with eyes dull and wide open, just like your mother

• while Husk wouldn’t have given two shits if it was a grown-ass adult, you were a child

• so he took you in

• “But what about my mother?”

• “Shi—I, uh—your momma will tag along soon. Now c’mon. She wouldn’t want you out here alone.”

• since Husk is constantly around the hotel, there were never really instances where you wreaked havoc

• you just silently watch him tend the bar and sometimes talk about your mother

• your talks about how much you love her make him feel pretty guilty for some reason

• but he’d probably tell you when you’re older enough

• only if you were asking him about her though

• he wouldn’t want to have to sit you down and tell you something that sensitive of a topic when you didn’t even ask

• “Why don’t I have a mother?” you would suddenly ask when you turned 18

• today was your birthday. Charlie insisted on having a little party for you just like every year. But you didn’t want one; you wanted to be with Husk for the day

• the man in question sighed

• he knew you were building up the courage to ask all day

• “I’m gonna give it to you straight, kid, I don’t know what exactly happened to her. All I know is that she’s in a better place.”

• “Oh…”

• “Do you…wanna talk about it?” He continued, voice a little unsure, “Not as a bartender…but as a dad.”

• you smiled, grateful. “I think I’ve already said plenty when I was younger. But thanks, Dad.”

• he smiled back

• you two would then sit in silence together, basking in each other’s presence

———

Vox

• so, uh, I’m going to have to completely skip the taking you in part with Vox because I genuinely cannot see him adopting a random child (unless he could gain something, but, like, you’re just a kid)

• so you’ll just get the aftermath of it (hope that’s okay)

• based on the way he handled Val’s tantrum, I think it’s safe to assume that he’s somewhat good with children

• but he’s a pretty busy guy

• he doesn’t have the time to take care of a random child, so he’d make sure to keep an eye on you on his cameras

• but despite that, your existence in the tower warrants his

• as you’re too chaotic whenever he isn’t around

• but only around the other expendable employees

• you’re relatively well-behaved when Velvette and Valentino are with you

• but he doesn’t exactly trust them to take care of you

• they aren’t exactly good with children

• so he tried doing video calls

• you will definitely grow up as an iPad kid

• he’d hear you talk about your mom during those calls

• he’d let you go on and on, but it’s not guaranteed that he’ll listen

• I don’t think he would ever tell you what happened to her (he doesn’t know, anyway)

• he won’t lie, he’d just work around your question

• skillfully

• like, extremely so

• even if you ask him directly, he still manages to dodge the question somehow

• I don’t know what else to say, he’s gonna be a pretty distant father—

[jaysgirlx]

JASON TODD AS MY BOYFRIEND HCS. smthing like how we mettt, our dynamic, and other cute things sosjsjsjwo. I need him biblically, spiritually, and physically. LOVEE YOUUU

Jason Todd Boyfriend Headcanons for my bestie Ani!!

— You met Jason at a bookstore, you'd spotted him there multiple times wandering through the classics section. So of course you went back multiple times hoping you'd be able to talk to him except he managed to approach you first. He's towering over you from behind, and you think he's going a grab a book off the shelf but instead, his hand points to a book that you hadn't seen before, Wuthering Heights, "try this sweetheart, it's a favorite of mine" and before you could even ask him his name he walks away like a smug bastard.

— The next time you see him there, you tell him how much you loved the book and while you're busy rambling you notice him smiling and he goes, "you're cute when you ramble". After a couple more times of seeing others at the bookstore, a bit of flirting, and plenty of book recommendations Jason finally asks you out.

— The two of have the greatest dynamic, you contrast each other so well that your conversations go on forever. Jason could always find something to say to whatever argument you had ready.

— Jason still loves that you ramble, even though he occasionally has to shut you up with a kiss so that you can catch your breath. He warns you about it but you don't listen cause you like it (ani is reallyyyy into this stuff guys).

— Jason slightly regrets giving you his real phone number instead of a burner because all you do is tag him in tiktoks and comment "we should do this" or "this reminded me of you". He complains about it to you but he screatly loves it and uses it as date planning material so he gives you exactly what you want.

— Jason isn't used to pda and physical touch but he loves it when you stroke his cheek and kiss any part of his face. He hasn't received any physical intimacy in a long time and he's scared of asking you to do more because he doesn't want to be needy. He eventually ends up asking you and of course, you shower him with affection in private. You kiss each of his scars while he on the other hand, finds himself kissing and ducking your neck with his hands always rubbing your hips. You got him addicted to not just your touch but how you how bodies felt up against each other.

— When you take your random naps he sits down near you and watches you, not in a creepy way but in an "I can't lose you" kind of way. He gets worried that you'll just disappear when he isn't looking because he can barely fathom how he managed to make you his.

— The two of you read books together even though your tastes differ a bit and he loves taking you to this old cafe where he always buys you whatever treat you want.

— Your relationship is very private for all the right reasons, drawing attention to Jason would be dangerous for both of you and he wasn't ready to risk it.

— Since Jason can't take you to fancy restaurants or famous places that could get him spotted he tries his hardest to be around as much as possible. You know he's the Red Hood but there's a silent agreement between you two not to talk about it.

— Jason agrees to hear your daily girl drama and do your nails but only if you watch his favorite old movies with him. Turns out he loves The Notebook and that's why he's scared of meeting your parents.

— Jason loves sleeping together every night you can, and he doesn't mean sexually he just means cuddling to sleep. Jason feels the closest to you when he's holding you because it reminds him that you chose to be here with him when you don't need to have to be.

[steddieas-shegoes]

love confessions in line

Another stupid little thing because I’m in the car and bored. It’s not edited or really anything much beyond just putting these boys in love in situations.

Rated t | tags: love confessions, established relationship, robin being so fed up with them

————————

“Why do we have to be here so early? My dinner hasn’t even digested properly yet,” Robin complained.

And, okay. It was cold and there were a lot of people standing in line outside of the only Walmart carrying the very specific guitar amp Eddie wanted. He’d called every Walmart in Indiana. Multiple times.

But he had to go all out for Christmas this year. Eddie had already said he’d gotten Steve something he’ll never outdo, never even believe. Obviously, that meant Steve had to do better than the Metallica hoodie that was stashed in his closet for the last four months.

“It’ll be worth it. There’s hardly anyone in line ahead of us and if we go straight to the electronics in the back—“

“You mean where everyone is going?” Robin interrupted, folding her arms across her chest.

Steve sighed.

“Yeah, well. I’ll run. It’ll be fine. I doubt anyone else here is interested in a guitar amp.”

As if the words ‘guitar amp’ were magic, someone who looked a lot like Eddie walked up to one of the security officers standing by the front doors.

Robin noticed at the same time as him.

“Is that…?”

“It can’t be. He said he was going fishing with Wayne in the morning and didn’t wanna end up stuck in crowds shopping,” Steve said.

But then the man turned back to the line.

“Steve?” Eddie yelled, eyes going wide when he realized Steve and Robin were there.

“Uh.”

“Um.”

“I thought you guys were going to Indy for this!” Eddie smiled as he walked up to them. “I don’t think this store will have what you’re lookin’ for.”

Steve panicked. There’s only one thing Eddie could be here for. He could go anywhere else. He could have stayed in Hawkins for that matter.

“Uh. Just wanted a change of scenery.”

Eddie’s brows furrowed as his smile fell slightly.

“O…kay. Well, I’ve got an amp to buy so I guess we’re all in this together now.”

Steve ignored Robin’s snort and mumbling.

Eddie glanced over at her with a questioning face.

“You two are unbelievable. Truly.”

“What? Why?” Eddie asked, genuinely curious.

His finger traced along the back of Steve’s hand subtly, out of sight of the people behind them in line.

“I.” Steve sighed.

Oh well. Maybe he could just try to get concert tickets the next time Ozzy came to Chicago.

“I was gonna get the amp for you for Christmas. I’ve been planning it for weeks,” Steve said, looking down at the ground.

Eddie was surprisingly quiet.

Absolutely no response.

After a full minute, Steve made eye contact with him.

He had tears building in his eyes and Steve felt himself start to tear up, too.

“You were?” Eddie choked out. “But this is-“

“The only place selling it on sale in the state, yeah.”

Robin was grumbling to herself again, but neither of them were paying attention anymore.

“How did you even know?” Eddie asked after a deep, calming breath.

“You mentioned it last month after a gig. Said you needed a new one anyways and this was top of the line or something. That a lot of the bands you like were switching to this kind for studio recording or whatever because of the…crisp? Sound? And then when no one else was selling it at all, I had to call around the Walmarts to see who had it on sale because $300 is a lot of money, Eds, and I wish I could afford that, but I don’t really have that lying around after paying for school and rent so when this place finally said they’d have it for $100, I made Robin promise to come with me since you’d be busy. And I guess you’re not that busy, but. I needed to do my best to get it.”

Eddie’s smile grew the longer Steve rambled. Robin was already walking away, probably back to Steve’s car, halfway through his speech.

“I love you.”

Steve’s jaw dropped in shock.

They’d been saying it in every way except this way for months, nearly a year, really.

It started as Steve taking care of Eddie when everyone else was busy taking care of the Upside Down.

It kept going as Steve was the one listening to Eddie slowly pick the guitar back up, working through the crying about his fingers not working right or his arm getting tired too quickly.

And then five months ago, Steve kissed him.

Took the plunge and kissed him.

They’d done everything together since. They’d become boyfriends. They came out to their group, together, always together.

And now, in a Walmart parking lot during the busiest shopping day of the year, Eddie was telling Steve he loved him.

“Because of the amp?” Steve asked, hesitant.

Eddie knew what he was really asking.

Because I’m buying you something nice?

“No, sweetheart. Because you listen to me. You know what makes me happy. You’re doing something for me that no one else would have even bothered to try to do.” Eddie laughed. “I have never wanted to kiss you as much as I want to right now.”

“Not even that time I wore a crop top and your boxers?”

Eddie groaned. “That was an outlier. You know how that affected me.”

“Oh, I sure do,” Steve smirked. “Too bad we’re in public.”

“The doors open in an hour right?” Eddie asked, checking his watch.

“Yep.”

“And then you have to take Robin to her parent’s house?”

“Probably should.”

“And then what?” Eddie asked, already knowing exactly what.

“And then I’ll come to the trailer and I’ll walk right to your room and hopefully-“ Steve cut himself off to whisper the next part. “You’ll be naked.”

Eddie’s brows raised. “You want me naked? What about Wayne being home?”

“Wayne’s been sleeping with ear plugs for months now. Can’t hear a thing,” Steve pats Eddie’s blushing cheek. “Said he didn’t need to hear what his nephew got up to.”

“We really should just move my stuff into your new place,” Eddie suggested for the fifth time in as many days.

Steve wasn’t opposed at all.

In fact, he’d planned on asking him to move in once he got more settled.

But.

“Wayne wanted another Christmas with you at home, baby. He won’t say it, but when I brought up you moving in with me, I thought he was actually gonna cry.”

“Yeah, yeah. With this new amp, he’ll change his mind.”

“What makes you think you get this amp before Christmas?” Steve put his hands on his hips.

“Because now I know you’re getting it!”

“Uh-huh. And it’s getting wrapped with your other gift to be opened on Christmas morning. No early gifts on my watch.”

“Steeeeeeve. Please! I could use it at our show next week!”

Steve shook his head. “Your amp works fine. Christmas is only a month from now.”

“You’re getting revenge on me,” Eddie pouted.

“Revenge for what?” Steve snorted.

“You know what.”

Steve did. He felt his cheeks and neck heat up with a blush.

“Fine. Yes. Maybe it’s a little bit revenge.”

Eddie huffed, but didn’t argue further.

“You know I love you, too, right?” Steve whispered.

And Eddie forgot about everything else except the way Steve was looking at him, like he needed Eddie to understand how much he loved him.

“Yeah, sweetheart. I do.”

———————

Three days later, Steve set the amp up in the second bedroom of his rented house.

When Eddie came over, he pushed him into the room and wrapped his arms around his waist.

“You can play it here, but I’m still wrapping it up for Christmas and you aren’t allowed to bring it to shows until after. Okay?”

Eddie was bouncing on his toes and squeezing Steve’s hands so hard he was losing feeling.

“Okay! Thank you, thank you! I love you! Thank you!”

Eddie smacked a kiss on Steve’s cheek before pulling away and running to the amp.

“You need your guitar, honey,” Steve laughed.

“Right!” Eddie ran from the room to grab his guitar from his van.

Steve shook his head, but couldn’t help his fond smile as the front door banged open.

[thisfanisgonesorry]

keep talking — könig

got into cod because someone told me he was 6’9 and so i told them i wanna 69

tags: light angst, bros injured, smut, dubcon kinda, phone sex except its a walkie talkie. rushed ending lowkey, ambiguous relationship. ambiguous ending ooo. light blackmail, soldier!reader, y/n is watching better call saul (dont @ me), povs might be weird idk

⚠️

“König, how copy?”

Nothing. Literal radio silence.

“König, I’m talking to you. How copy?”

“I’m here.” He grunted after a long period of silence. “Bad copy.”

“I say again. Did you get caught in the crossfire?” 

The battlefield surrounding König had bullet shells everywhere, he laid carefully in the ground, trying to hide his large body from any further incoming fire.

“I did.”

“Are you okay?”

“Fine.”

“What are your injuries?”

“I’m fine.” He growled.

“Where are you?”

“I don’t know. Too much dust.”

“König, are you in a safe place? I’m gonna need you to stay there until it’s safe enough for someone to get you.” 

“Affirmative.” He panted. 

“I need you to say something, König.”

“Minimal damage, only flesh wounds. A few hits in the right leg.” He grunted in frustration. “I got my vest, I’m fine.”

He laid in the ditch, looking around the empty battlefield, only being able to make out clouds of smoke and dust as gunfire continued from the distance, the fight being gradually dragged away from him. He winced as the blood kept pouring out of his thigh.

He dug his fingers into one of the bullet holes in the pants, using it as a weak point to rip the fabric. His hands were too dirty to try and tend the wound himself, so he turned the leg of his pants into makeshift shorts; pulling the fabric down his leg and using the length of it to make a tourniquet for the wound.

“Come in, König.”

“Scheiße.. What?” He barked into the receiver. “I’m not dying, fräulein.”

There was a silence as he tried to shuffle his large body into the ditch, giving his leg room while trying to stay undetected. 

“We can’t risk that.” I finally said from the other end.

“Then talk to me. I’m not dying. Don’t treat me like it.” He spoke sternly.

“What do you expect me to talk about?”

“Anything. Just don’t mention that I’m bleeding out.”

“The mission—”

“Not the mission.” He snapped again. “Your day or something.”

“Sorry, um..” I paused, lost on conversation.

There was a moment of silence and he groaned at the hesitance before the receiver burst to life again. He felt a pang of guilt as he palmed himself through his cargo pants. He’d been shot at enough times to learn that the fastest way to get rid of pain is to replace it with something better, and in situations where first aid was out of the question for the foreseeable future, this was all he had unless he decided to just put up with it.

“Okay.” I started. “I started watching a lawyer show. It’s really good.” I started rambling slightly about the show until I ran out of information that König would care for.

I tried to jump from topic to topic seamlessly but a one-sided conversation wasn’t easy to keep going.

“I don’t really have a lot of spare time, so I’m running out of things to talk about.” I commented, noticing a lack of response. “König?”

“I’m alive.” He spoke through shaking breaths.

“Are you okay?”

“Mhm..” He nodded, despite me being unable to see him.

“I say again. Are you okay?”

“Gut. Ich bin prima.” He spoke. “Tut höllisch weh.” While I couldn’t make out what he was saying, his sarcasm and frustration was detectable from a mile away.

“English, König.”

“Hurts like hell.” He groaned out.

All of his actions could be explained one way or another, his ambiguous silence, his heavy breathing and grunting. From one end it seemed like a man in pain. On the other end of things, he had his head thrown back in the dirt, stroking himself slowly as the words filled his ears.

His breathing was ragged, hissing and panting as he tried to distract himself. He would manage to build his composure when he needed to talk through the comms, but besides that, he was a mess. Whining and grunting as he tried to focus on the sweet voice on the receiver instead of the stinging metal that was sinking into his skin.

He desperately jerked himself off, stroking his dick tenderly. “Keep talking.” He groaned. “Bitte, I’m bleeding everywhere. Hurts.”

“König..?” I began to feel suspicious at his pleas, it was so unlike him to be like this, he’d been shot before without acting this strange, he was swaying between aggressive and gentleness. “Are you..?”

“No.” He answered quickly, to the point where it raised more suspicion. He cringed at his own reaction, realising he sold himself out, and admitting it with his chest bare.

“König.” I said more sternly.

“Ich musste es tun, es tut so weh und deine stimme fühlt sich so gut an.” He groaned, using the wrong head to think, barely comprehensive as he rambled in a language I couldn’t even speak.

I took a deep inhale, his ramblings proving my point. “Say again in english please.”

“Yes.” He managed to get out.

“Yes, you’re jerking off?”

“Musste, kleine.” He panted, and while I still couldn’t make out his words, I understood that he was admitting to it, and by the sounds eliciting from his throat, it was clear that he wasn’t stopping. “Zu sagen dass es mir leid tut wäre eine lüge.”

“König.”

“Please.” He finally spoke out in english. “Please, keep talking.”

“What do you expect me to say?”

“Anything.” He groaned, and there was a moment of silence as we both sat in thought. His harsh demeanour melted quickly, he had no right of way to be a snappy colonel here as the need consumed him wholly.

“Do you expect me to talk dirty to you? Tell you that I bet you’re so hard and aching? That you’re probably leaking everywhere?”

“Scheiße, ja.” He nodded to the blankness of the battlefield, knowing that I couldn’t see his enthusiasm but wanting to express it anyway.

“And that’s all for me?”

“Ja, ja.” He panted out with need. “Need you.. Please?”

I sigh into the receiver and his breath catches in his throat, he gently massages his tip, enough to keep him going but not enough to build any pleasure. Guilt slowly began to consume him but he refused to let that be the other option. He didn’t want to sit in the dirt, bleeding out and crying out in pain instead of ecstasy.

“What do you want me to say?”

“What.. Do you want to say?” He responded carefully, keeping himself calm enough for this conversation to go smoothly. “Please, I’m.. Uh, werde abspritzen.. Orgasm.” He struggled out, his mind going blank.

“You have a lot of explaining to do later.”

“I know.” He groaned. “Tell me.”

I sucked my teeth. “I don’t know what to say to you, König. You want me to tell you how I want you buried deep in me?”

He let out a moan. “That.” He gritted.

“You’re fantasising about how good my pussy feels, right?”

“Ja, gute muschi.” He moaned, and soft slapping sounds began to be audible through the radio. I felt glad that no one else could listen into this line. He muttered incoherencies in English and German, it was hard to keep track of what he was trying to say.

The shame kept threatening to lay heavy on his conscience, though he managed to push it away every time it tried, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t come back later.

“You sound close.”

“Am.” He swallowed thickly. “So sexy. So beautiful.”

“Mhm? Want me to say something about how I fuck myself in my quarters? Gotta keep myself quiet so the others don’t hear me through the shitty paper-thin walls?” I started. “Or how I’m tight because I haven’t got a boyfriend? My Colonel doesn't give me enough time off, y’know?”

The passive aggressiveness was something he made a mental note of, something to save for later to make up for his actions. Right now, he was focused on the orgasm threatening to rip through his body. 

“Mhm, like that.” He whined, covering his mouth and his sounds becoming more muffled. “Scheiße—” The embarrassment in his voice lingered in the line for longer than his words did but it didn’t dissuade him. “Can explain this.. Later. Ah, please, right there.” He managed to curse out.

He panted and groaned, a mix of ‘sorry’ and ‘thank you’ filled the air, surrounded by something or other in german. It was hard to tell what was happening through the walkie talkie, though before I could respond, his dick twitched in his hand, spilling cum from the tip, leaking over his hand and down onto his pants.

He threw his head back into the dirt, trying to regain himself, his afterglow of bliss successfully distracting him, but not enough to not worry about the growing guilt. “Sorry.” He mumbled.

“So.. You can explain why you were out of position or why you were jacking off?”

“Both.” He breathed. “I can do both. I’m sorry.”

“Evac van is on its way, it might take a bit to find you.” I tried to bite back a smile. “You should clean up.”

“I know.” He swallowed. “Thanks, uh.. I’m..”

He sighed, knowing better than to keep apologising, mindlessly wiping his hand on his pants, not caring too much of the stain and trying to reorganise himself. He crawled around the ditch, trying to make his position more obvious to the humvee, he could vaguely see it in the distance.

“Tell me you’re not mad, right?” He spoke through the radio, trying to walk towards a more visible vantage point where the enemy wouldn’t see him if there were any lingerers despite the fact that the fight was most certainly further down the open field at this point.

I laughed through the radio, and the cackle of life it brought to the abandoned field was uneasy as he slowly tried to move towards the van.

“No, not mad, but I definitely plan to use this against you in the near future.” 

[so-long-soldier-writes]

drabble #10 - aphrodisiac

kai parker x reader

summary: you can only listen to damon ramble on for so long before you lose focus. unfortunately, this time, your zoning out manages to cause maximum embarrassment when the rest of the group follows your line of sight.

tags: pomegranates, references to greek mythology, teasing, flirting, embarrassment

word count: 936

a/n: i wrote this a little bit ago, and even though pomegranate season is over now (😭), i'm gonna post it bc i've been lagging recently!

“Elena, you’ll be here, with me, on the lookout in case he comes this way. Bonnie, you’ll be here, with Matt. Caroline, with Stefan. Kai, I only trust you with Y/N, and certainly not by yourself, and you two will be here.” With each delegation, Damon looks to the person for a nod of confirmation. Everyone’s given him one so far… except you. “Y/N? Are you listening?” 

Caroline lets out a giggle, knowing exactly where your attention has landed, and it’s definitely not on Damon’s plan. 

Damon looks over to the blonde, then to Elena, who also lets out a chuckle. “Y/N?” Stefan stifles a laugh. “Y/N…” He rolls his eyes. “Kai, can you stop plucking that pomegranate for one moment?!”

“How am I bothering you? You said I could eat it-”

“Just stop for a second!”

Startled, the boy puts down his fruit. He holds his hands above the napkin, not letting any juice drip onto the Salvatore’s thousand dollar rug. “Happy?”

“Shh! Y/N!”

You’re in a daze. Entranced. You can hear Damon talking, but none of his words register. Something much more interesting’s caught your eye: Kai. Specifically, Kai and his pomegranate that he’s been working on for the last five minutes. 

The juice looks like blood on his hands, dripping down his delicate fingers, staining his skin. He plucks out each seed individually, gently and skillfully, as he loosens them from the pith. He takes his earnings between his pink lips; you can see his jaw working against the crunch hidden inside.

You understand, now, why pomegranates are considered aphrodisiacs; how Hades captured his lover, luring her towards him by way of the fruit. 

You’re not sure when watching becomes staring, but at some point, it does. You’re not sure how long you’re staring before you attract quite the audience. 

Kai, of course, is too focused on his fruit to realize. That is, until Damon asks him to stop so that he can get your attention. Kai looks around the room, wondering why all eyes are on him, but then he notices they're all actually gazing on you. They’re watching you watch him. He’s confused, at first, then a little self-conscious, but then finds himself enthralled at the idea that you, of all people, are so focused on him. 

“Y/N!” Damon shouts and claps at the same time. 

You startle, jumping out of your trance and looking down at the carpet. You’re not sure when Kai stopped eating, but you quickly realize he had caught you staring at some point, and now you’re overwhelmed with embarrassment. “Sorry,” you say to no one in particular. Kai, mostly, maybe.

Sorry, I was completely daydreaming. Sorry, I was captivated by your fingers. Sorry, I was wondering what they’d feel like on my skin. On my…

“Y/N! Focus!”

“Shit! I’m sorry!”

“Damn, girl, you doing okay?” Caroline asks, amused. 

“Yeah… didn’t sleep a lot last night.”

“Oh that’s too bad.” She totally didn’t fall for that lie. You curse yourself in your head. “Did you hear Damon’s plan?”

“No.”

Kai’s gone back to his pomegranate. You force yourself to look away from him. 

“Y/N, you’ll be stationed with Kai,” he then mutters, “your little pomegranate buddy,” then, louder again, “because you’re the only one I trust with him, and I don’t trust him to be alone.”

“Okay.”

“Good.”

You stare at the floor for the rest of his speech, trying desperately to not look back up at Kai’s pretty pink lips. 

~~~

By the end of the “meeting”, everyone’s places are announced and Damon’s satisfied with his decision making. You’ll all go after Lily tomorrow, and hopefully, if all goes well, she’ll be in the dungeons by the following morning. 

Sometime after he’s dismissed you, you search for Kai, feeling an intense need to apologize. Luckily, he’s over by the sink. When you reach him, he’s rubbing his hands and arms clean. The juice turns the soap, then the water pink, and his skin goes back to its usual shade.

“Hey,” you approach, somewhat out of the blue. 

He smiles at the sound of your voice. “Hi.”

“Sooo… we’re partners for Damon’s little plan.”

“Yep. If you ask me, it’s totally not gonna work.”

“His plans tend to be a hit or a miss.”

“Mhm? And which will this one be?” He jokes lightly.

You tap a finger to your chin. “Definitely a miss.” He chuckles, then nods at you for a paper towel, which you provide. “Hey, Kai? I’m, uh, I’m sorry for staring at you earlier. I was completely lost in another world.”

“No biggie. You don’t need to apologize.”

“Okay. But I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable or anything…”

“You? Make me uncomfortable? Not possible. It’s not everyday you manage to get a pretty girl’s attention. Especially not when you’re eating the messiest thing in the world.”

The compliment - flirt? - speeds your heart up fast. It makes you admit the stupidest thing possible in the next couple of words. “Ah, well messy or not, you made it look hot.” Your eyes widen immediately. “I mean, like, you were- the fruit- I- um- shit.”

He chuckles. “Don’t sweat it, I’m gonna take that as a compliment.”

“Okay,” you reply, voice small.

Kai stares at you for a moment, expression unreadable. Then, “well… see you tomorrow, Y/N. I gotta go find Damon and thank him for something.”

“Damon?” You ask, surprised.

“Yeah… thank him for pairing me with the cutest girl in the gang.” He winks as he passes, and you just about die on the spot. 

[libraryofneith]

Old Dog, New Tricks (Sandor Clegane x Female Reader)

Summary: After Sandor Clegane is rescued from the Stranger's door, he is forced to consider a future without violence, without abuse, and without servitude. Can he find a new purpose? Can he help more than he has harmed? And can he share a purpose with anyone else?

Fic Tags/Warnings: whole fic is 18+, minors DNI, cursing, violence and gore, eventual smut, some serious smutage, takes place season 6 onwards, canon divergence, last season what last season?, reader has a name, third person POV, grumpy x sunshine reader, sunshine character x sunshine protector, i am a sucker for the "grumpy old man who's mean to everyone except this one special person to whom he is unbelievable sweet" trope

Notes: this is not my first time writing game of thrones fanfic, nor my first time writing for this character, but it is my first time uploading for this character on tumblr. Those of you familiar with my work will know I've got another WIP and don't worry I've not forgotten it! I've already got 12 chapters for this so hopefully won't keep you waiting too long for updates. And won't keep you waiting too long for the smut which let's be real is why most of us are here, smut kicks in at chapter 11 and then we do not stop till dawn, I started this years ago, like pre pandemic years ago. Largely forgot about it until I discovered an old memory stick with a bunch of unfinished stories and now i'm back on my game of thrones bullsh!t. Might even re-upload an old AO3 fic of mine that I deleted years ago because I stopped liking it. Who knows? Anyways, that's enough rambling from me. On with the story, and as per, like and reblog to increase visibility and let me know if you want to be tagged when this story updates.

Fuck. Buggering fucking hell. Buggering shitting seven hells this hurts! I. Hurt. Everywhere. There’s something… something I need to think about. I said I’d watch over it… what is it? Eyes. I can see eyes. Someone’s here with me. Is it that big bitch? Bugger it all I can’t see properly! Who are you? What do you want? I can’t fight. I can’t fight. What the hell am I going to do? Bloody hell! What is it I’m forgetting? They. Whoever they are… they’re giving me something. A drink. Probably poisoned. Fuck I’m thirsty. But I can’t. They want to kill me. Shit I can feel it. I can’t fight them. Leave me alone! I don’t want your poisoned piss. Oh. It’s water. Fuck. Shit me. I feel like lead. I need to sleep. I can’t. They’ll run me through first chance they get. I’m drifting. I can’t stop. Maybe that water was poisoned after all. To hell with it. I’m ready. At least I’ll die in a bed. At least I think this is a bed. If only I could remember what I’m forgetting. Fuck.

---

I know. Eloquent right? Not to worry dearest reader, by the time you're done with this chapter I'll have the next one up which has more content.

[mitchellpete]

Firsts

summary: You’re bad at playing hard to get, and you don’t want to let the opportunity slip. Maverick gives you your first motorcycle ride.

pairing: pete “maverick” mitchell x gn!reader

tags/warnings: maverick being flirty, shy!reader but also not really?, some drinking mentioned, overall fluff

word count: 1.4k

A/N: i feel terrible that i keep making excuses not to post so i'll let you guys have this one. i don't know who's still on top gun tumblr but i hope you guys are still around. and that you guys like this! it was supposed to be a drabble but..?? ANDDD one more thing: my request page has updated also!

-

“Wait, you’ve never been on a bike before?”

“I’ve been on a bike. I’ve never been on a motorcycle.”

Maverick scoffs and then cocks a brow, a smirk tugging at his lips in his frail attempt at reading you, or at least pretending he knew you.

Except he doesn’t, because out of the many outings at the bar, tonight had been the first time he’d spotted you. You were ashamed to admit that it was kind of flattering having him follow you around for a good half an hour, even after you locked eyes with mustache Hawaiian shirt blonde guy across the room. Ah, it was all a game. But God, was Maverick pretty. And charming. You couldn’t decide whether you were bad at playing hard to get or if you simply didn’t mind being the game.

(It was definitely the former.)

Panic filled you later that night when you watched him slip his jacket on on the opposite side of the room. He was still distractedly rambling with his friend, however, and you took the opportunity to push past at least 5 people and make it out of the door before he did. 

What to say or do the moment he stepped out? Your head was empty. But hey, he’d see you out there, make another flirtatious comment, make you blush and then it’d go on from there, right? God, please. 

This had to have been like the fourth time you’d seen him. He was most certainly the prettiest out of all the aviators that confidently waltzed into the bar every time you and your friend met for drinks. 

Miramar. A lovely place, truly. 

Beautiful, too. The sunset is beginning to form, and you step towards the wooden fence separating the sand from the small parking lot in front of the building. A packed bar, only a few vehicles. You wonder if any of them belong to Maverick. You pray that he walks this way at all.

The beach in front of you is littered with people, families, couples. There is chatter everywhere, drowning out the sound of the bell on the door behind you, or the sound of his voice if he happens to be walking out, talking to his friend.

That’s why when you eventually zone out maybe a good ten minutes later, you don’t notice that he’s already walked past you, striding towards the vehicle closest to you. The motorcycle. Red, black, adorned with decals that match the patches on his pretty jacket. You wish you’d noticed. 

He’d certainly noticed you, watching you avoid his gaze as he swung a leg over and took a seat. “Going for a swim?”

FUCK.

Tongue in your cheek, you meet his eyes. “No. I.. needed some air. Where’s your friend?”

“Where’s yours?” A cheeky smile spread on his face as he reached for the handles. 

Oh, he’s sooooooo—

“Inside. I’m uh, actually waiting for another friend right now. She’s picking me up soon, I think.” Lies, lies, lies.

“In a car?” 

“On a motorcycle, actually. How fast does yours go?” Jesus Christ. You know nothing about motorcycles, by the way.

He leans slightly forward, intrigued by your response. “Faster.”

“Hm.” You glance out at the shoreline again, at the sun turning bright orange. You feel the warmth on your cheeks. Stupid. You’re playing hard to get again, for fuck’s sake. He’s too pretty, it makes you nervous. 

Lucky for you, he breaks the tense feeling in your stomach with a laugh. “Actually?” 

He sticks the key into the ignition, filling you with the slight panic from before that he’s slipping away.

You fake a snicker, although it comes out dry and humorless. “I’m kidding. I don’t know a thing about motorcycles.”

The sudden rev of the engine startles you, and he smiles. “Some people are just meant to look pretty on the back of ‘em, I think.”

There was already a warmth to your cheeks, but now it’s heat. “Well.. that sounds like fun.”

Furrowed brows. “Wait, you’ve never been on a bike before?”

You snicker again, this time for real. “I’ve been on a bike. I’ve never been on a motorcycle.”

Maverick scoffs and then cocks a brow, a smirk tugging at his lips in his frail attempt at reading you, or at least pretending he knew you. Playfully rolling his eyes, he revs the engine again and waves you over with his hand. “Come on.”

Your face falls. A different kind of panic. “Huh?”

“Just a quick ride. Before your friend gets here.”

“A-are you sure?” 

“You’re scared?” He grins.

“I—No. I just..” You hesitantly make your way over, your legs suddenly weak. “I drank a little, so I don’t—”

“Can you relax?” He laughs again, his laughter as pretty as he is. “It’s not scary, I promise. Here, step on that part. Just hold onto me and hop on.” He points down below and then sticks his arm out for you to grab.

“I’m not scared,” you mumble as you manage to perch yourself on the space behind him, careful not to grip his arm too tight. “I think you’re a little strange, is all.”

 “How so? You gotta hold onto me, sweetheart.” Another engine rev. What is his deal?

You lean forward as much as you can, pressing yourself to him and wrapping your arms around his middle. The seat behind his is slightly raised, and your face absentmindedly presses into the back crook of his neck. It’s too late to pull back when you realize, and the heat in your cheeks starts to burn. Nevertheless, you go through with your accusations.

“Well,” you begin, conscious of your voice as to not be loud in his ear. “You follow me around the bar for some stupid bet, and.. now you’ve forced me onto your bike.”

Ha. As if you hadn’t planned all of this. Sort of.

Another pretty laugh. “It’s a motorcycle,” he mocks you. 

That gets a laugh out of you, squeezing your arms around him a bit as he starts to move. 

“Although, I do have to say—” He halts, a foot firm on the ground, and turns to look you over his shoulder. “Out of anybody I’ve followed around the bar, you’re the only one I’d give a ride to.”

God. You think you’re already in love with him. “That so?”

He presses his lips together and nods, fake serious. 

Pressing your forehead to the back of his jacket, you chuckle. “I guess that means I owe you something.”

“I’ll start driving on one condition,” he offers, his tone playful.

“Hm?”

“Give me a kiss.”

Oh boy. It’s easy by now; you’re already melting into him. Glancing up, your surroundings become a blur and all the outside chatter, the bell on the door and the sound of the other cars go completely silent as you lean your neck to reach. It’s a peck, but it’s complete; all of your lips feel the soft skin of his cheek, plump from a smile under your kiss. And then your chin goes to rest on his shoulder, and next thing you know, you’re off. 

There’s suddenly wind; you weren’t prepared for your hair to flow, as he took off from the parking lot and immediately down the road.

You’re clinging onto him with all your might, maybe a little scared for a moment, but then it starts to feel nice. You don’t even recall the moment he’d slipped his aviators on; perhaps the little kiss you gave him left you in awe instead of vice-versa, or maybe it was the drinks you’d had earlier? Maverick says something but you barely hear it, your stomach fluttering in excitement as he swerves between cars to get out of their way, to fly by beyond them on the road and to make the moment about just the two of you. Nobody else on the road. 

He turns onto a different road, this one longer and less crowded, and you squeal as he starts going faster. A euphoric feeling overtakes you, and even in the wind, through the sound of the engine and Maverick’s muffled voice, you’re convinced you can’t let him slip away after this one either. 

“Maverick!”

Wind, wind, wind. The engine.

Tapping a hand on his side instead, you catch his attention. He slows down just a bit, momentarily glancing over his shoulder again before looking back at the road. 

“You wanna stop?” he yells.

“No!” you shout back. “I just wanted you to know something!”

“What is it?!”

You lean closer to his ear, face in the crook of his neck again. “I was lying! There is no friend!”

He grins. “I know!”

[runaeveena]

ao3 is not a fucking library database it's not an actual fucking archive it just has archive in the fucking name and all it has is fanfiction (and other related fanworks, and also very rarely original fiction) holy shit can you guys stop comparing your shitty fanfics to actual important pieces of literature.

Hi! As a masters student in library and archival studies I was introduced to ao3 in my first semester as the, and i quote, "the classification goal of all library systems". It's one of the most advanced databases for digital information searching, a word you would more commonly recognize as "library".

Your statement about it only having fanfiction is very wrong since a lot of art is placed in ao3, I mean the tags are right here for you to look at, I pulled them up in 2 minutes.

I'm curious as to why you claim it's not an archive. For the class, here's the definition of archive from wikipedia in the first sentence: An archive is an accumulation of historical records or materials – in any medium – or the physical facility in which they are located. I'm sitting in an actual physical archive right now at one of the top universities of California. The only difference between this one, the Internet Archive, or ao3, is the content they hold. It is true that there's no literature so to speak, but we don't think there is. There isn't any "literature" on my desk right now, actually. I'm sitting next to a pile of scrap paper from 1825 that held the ramblings of the Governor of Mexico. Why would the archive have this if it isn't literature!? Because someone thought it was important. That's why we archive it.

That's all an archive is. It's just writing that we care about. Even if it is the cringiest, most obscene, self insert production, it's art. Do you not consider fanwork or fan made content to be worth keeping? You prefer you all write our stories in our head and burn our diaries later so we can be miserable on the internet like you? Art like fanfiction has not harmed you in any way and never will affect you, except you are choosing to be mad over it. I want you to ask yourself why.

[banquetwriter]

୨୧ stupid expensive couch ୨୧

pairing: rookie!Leon Kennedy ♡︎fem + AFAB!Reader

warnings: ୭̥⋆*｡, not proof read, smut, feeling of abandonment, implied non aftercare, crying after sex (lol), just so much smut lmg

summary: ʚ after hooking up with your best friend once, you two have to finally admit your feelings ɞ

words: 5019

AN: This is a very OOC representation of rookie leon just leave me alone <3, HEAVILY inspired by this audio :>also consent is not specifically asked for in this fic however it’s implied reader and leon have hooked up before and consent and boundaries were set then, neither party was taken advantage of!!

⤾·˚ ༘ ◡̈ ⤾·˚ ༘ ◡̈

“Leon, why aren’t you eating more of your going-away cake?” you mumble through the sheer fullness you felt. Leon's face flushed red from the alcohol, he shakes his head furiously “You can’t keep feeding me this stuff! It has so much sugar in it I swear!” Leon commented pointing to it. “What? Scared you're gonna get fat and they're gonna turn you away at the door? You have to be fit to be a policeman you know.” you mumble, taking yet another sip of your drink. The alcohol seemingly scratches your throat on the way down. “Mmm fuck.” you mumble setting your drink down. 

Leon gives you a fake and dramatic scoff, “I'm not gonna get fat from some horrible “cheese-cake” he mumbles with air quotes. “Hey, what's with the quotes?” you ask, biting your lip slightly and tracing the rim of your glass. “This isn’t cheesecake, y/n! It’s just candy!” he tells you leaning back on your couch. 

Ugh, the couch, your boyfriend- well… ex-boyfriend bought it. It was always the same with you, going after guys who never usually meant much to you. It’s not like you wanted to use them, you just wanted to fall in love! In love with anybody else except for Leon, your best friend in the whole wide world. 

Your best friend was moving to fucking Racoon City for fucks sake. “Whatever Leon, how are you feeling?” you ask through a small giggle, tilting your head to the side. Leon looks up at you, his eyes slowly filling with thoughts. That's always something you have known about him, as expressionless as his face tends to be; you can always see in his eyes what's wrong. Your eye contact only holds for a moment before he looks down at the base of your coffee table. 

He lets out a deep sigh before looking up again, this time not at you. You could see it, he was searching for words. “I'm nervous I mean, they tell me to stay away from the place the week I'm about to start? What does that mean? I’ve already looked it up but I can't find anything online about it.” he rambles, standing up. 

The alcohol must have hit him… you let out a small giggle. “I meant the drinks, Leon,” you say eyes following his pacing. “Oh… well fine then. I’m barely even buzzed,” he says walking back over to the couch and sitting down. You smile looking down, Leon lets out a borderline pornographic moan as he lays back on the couch. “My god Leon!” you exclaim looking at him. 

He lets out a toothy grin, “Hey this couch is very comfortable… are you still paying this thing off?” He asks, sitting back up again, reaching for his drink. You open your mouth to tell him that you did not pay a penny for it and instead your ex-’boyfriend’ bought it for you because he was *going* to move in before you broke up with him. 

Leon doesn’t let you get a word out though, he moves the cup down from his lips and swallows. “Oh wait I forgot your boyfriend bought it for you heh, you little couch princess,” he mumbles the last part into the cup before drinking again. Ah Leon, ever the flirt. “No Leon I didn’t pay for the couch and me and *him* broke up,” you say avoiding his eyes and taking a swig yourself. This was not going to be an easy conversation. 

“Oh..” Leon's voice was quiet as he looked down at the table. No matter how drunk or unexpressive he may be, it was clear to you the disappointment and regret on his face. Your stomach suddenly swirled, maybe you shouldn't have eaten so much of that cheesecake and then used it to soak up alcohol. You quickly set the glass down nervously rubbing your sides. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t know.” He mumbles, gesturing with his hands. “It’s ok Leon, honestly it's been a few months,” you confess, looking at him. You can feel a small anger bubble in him. “Fuck really? You wanna talk about it?” he asks scooting ever so closely. Your heart falls as he shifts forwards. Fuck you thought, booze was liquid confidence. You were feeling very confident, just dizzy. 

“No, not really,” you mumble feeling the heat from his body. He was so warm… I mean in a heated apartment in jeans and a sweatshirt… plus he was probably drunk right now. “You care, Leon?” you ask, a small amount of surprise seeps up through your throat and into your words. His eyebrows furrow. “Yes of course I fucking care. I mean it makes sense you two broke up I mean fuck it's getting pretty late, there are drinks and well he isn’t here you know? I wouldn't be comfortable letting you go have drinks with another guy late at night if we were dating.” he says, moving his elbows to his mid-thighs and using his hands to talk. 

He doesn’t seem to know what he is saying. You two dating, god it sounds like a bad nightmare being desperately in love with your best friend and him joking about dating you. You're not sure what to say, your mouth is drying up. “You couldn't have told me this when we called the other week?” he asks, getting loud. Fuck, no not the calls. The calls you two would spend together with each other for hours, desperately flirting with him even when you were ‘dating’ someone. 

Again you go to open your mouth but just like on the calls you can’t bring yourself to say anything, it would ruin it all. “I knew you weren’t doing in a good place but fuck y/n you don’t tell me anything anymore. I know what you said ok, about us being different after we did what we did but I thought we were still best friends!” he rambles, his alcohol fueling his anger. A raging fire that's been there for some time. 

‘After we did what we did’ are words you never wanted to hear tonight. It hadn't been your fault entirely; it takes two people to tango. But taking your best friend's virginity and then leaving before he even fell asleep after… you felt sick. You hadn't meant for it to happen, you didn’t want it to go down the way it did. You were barely giving him anything as he is near crying from happiness… The L bomb nearly slipped out. 

The memories from that night flooding back to you. Your drunk brain is finally losing the internal battle you fought with yourself. Finally pulling him in for a kiss. Telling him that it would change us. It didn’t seem to matter to him though. It was disappointing, for both of you… You only had the guts to go so far before you backed out.

Jerking him off then telling him you couldn't deal with anymore that night, letting him lay down, and then leaving him in that stupid hotel. You swallowed thickly being brought back to the present. A not-so-innocent Leon looking back at you. “Leon I-” you finally started your voice shaky, “No don’t ‘Leon’ me! Why don’t you tell me anything anymore? For Christ's sake, I didn’t even know you had broken up with your boyfriend. I know that dress y/n… when you get sad you buy things, for yourself or your apartment. If you bought something new you would have worn it tonight, for me but you didn’t. You’re wearing that fucking dress…” he points to you, you look down really it wasn’t anything bold. Very simple in fact. Just a tight black dress with a red streak on the side.

Your face heated up. God, he knew you so well. “I knew something was wrong because I saw all your new apartment decorations y/n, I saw them on the call ok? You would never normally buy this shit. I knew you were struggling and I couldn't bear to ask you if you were ok because I already knew the answer to that question. If I had asked you that question,” he leaned in forward. His breath was laced with sweets and liquor… “You would have lied and told me you were doing fine,” he says almost out of breath.

You were out of words watching him, he had stepped back now going back to his pacing. You bit your lip looking at him, he was waiting for you, To say something, anything you supposed. You couldn't keep disappointing him. “It’s always been the same for me, Leon! What else do you want to hear?” you question trying to ignore the sadness weighing on your chest. 

“Please talk to me y/n! You never talk anymore, you never tell me anything and it makes me wonder…” he starts and you can almost see tears in his eyes. “Wonder?” you ask. “Yes y/n wonder, do you ever talk about me anymore? I know we aren’t in school anymore but you still talk to people from school I know you do!” he almost shouts. God why? Why did he have to know you so well>

“Do you ever mention my name? Does anyone else mention my name? Ask how I am. What do you say y/n? Do you say ‘Oh Leon is doing great he is gonna be a cop!’ Is that what you say knowing you don’t know me anymore?” he asks chest heaving. Fuck he looked so pretty all worked up like this. You couldn't help but think about him like that. It’s how you got into this mess in the first place. 

The truth was you didn’t talk about him with anyone, no one except yourself. You couldn't bear it, saying anything about him that is. You would ruin things if you did. “Did you tell him about me? Your couch-buying boyfriend?” it was clear he was jealous as he always has been. He is a gentle person when he wants to be. Never telling you how when a guy would wrap his arms around you it made him sick. He never said it but you saw it in his eyes, you knew it was true. “Did you tell any of your ‘boyfriends’ about me? Huh? About how you fucked me?” he asks, his voice going quiet. 

His chest fell and rose. His anger flowed out of him. “Leon I’m so-” you try to stand up too, but again his eyes betray him. Guilt floods over his features. “No please I’m sorry I shouldn't have said all that, I know it’s not what you wanted to hear.” His voice was soft, unlike the borderline yelling from his a second ago. “You know I always promise myself I’m never gonna see you again, you know?” he asks, sitting down again. Your heart falls even deeper into your body. 

“I promise myself every time I leave here that this will be the last time. I will leave and never come back until you're marrying some stupid rich guy. Every time I see your name on my phone asking to call my heart fucking sinks. Because you have trapped me, and I can’t get out. I know that I can’t hold myself back when I see you. I will flirt and plead and beg for you even if you don’t see it. God I want you so fucking bad.” he mumbles, burying his face into his hands. 

Your heart is thumping. You're so scared, this is all you have ever wanted. Maybe you didn’t need to be so scared… “It always goes the same way for me, Leon,” you mumble, he peaks up at you moving his fingers from covering his eyes. Your head was spinning with nerves, your brain screaming at you not to tell him what you so desperately wanted to. Your heart was pleading for something else… and for the first time. You listened to your heart.

“I always fall for some stupid guy who turns out isn’t what I want so I freak out and break up with whoever it is. I never like the guys I date because, well I don't want to date them! I want to date you, so badly. No guy can ever replace you. And I’m so sorry I do this to you. This little cat-and-mouse game. I keep pulling you along for shit I know I shouldn't. I’m sorry for ever fucking you in the first place. I should have done it right… you looked so fucking perfect that night. You were just wanting to be loved by me and I screwed it all up. I got scared so I ran. It's what I always do.” you ramble letting your years-long feelings finally seep to the surface. 

Leon was still covering his face with his hands but you can tell by his dreamy eyes that he is happy. Of course, he is. “But I'm trapped too, I ran from you only to run right back. You never want to see me again because of the way I push and pull you.” you sit back down facing him finally. “Flirting with you because I can’t bear to let you go completely yet I can’t commit enough to be with you because I’m so scared. I would do anything to change that night, to give it my all, and love you the way you deserve. But I can’t go back. I can only try and fix what I have done now.” you had started crying. Your face is tear-stained. 

The room went silent minus your occasional sniffles and deep breaths. Leon slowly drops his hands from his face, a very big red blush dusting beautifully on his features. You give a small breathless chuckle licking your lips slightly. The silence seemed like it filled the room. A small tension sewing its way between the two of you. 

“Thank you. For uhh saying that. I thought about that night a lot since it happened. It felt like my dream was coming true but it wasn’t. Jesus, I even cried after you left. You must think I'm so pathetic.”  he mumbles wiping his hands on his face. Your face fell, “I don't think your pathetic Leon.” you say scooting next to him and grabbing his hands. 

His face looking at yours. “I'm so sorry for what I put you through, and you're very brave. I mean fuck, you want to risk your life to help others. You're Not pathetic for crying after I left. Ok?” you spoke in a hushed serious tone. That was a rare occurrence for you and Leon. He just smiled nodding slightly but you weren’t gonna have that. Your hand comes up to his jaw, “Ok?” you ask again, and he gives you a sheepish smile. “Yeah ok,” he mumbles, this Leon contrasted the one from earlier. He was mad or loud and he was happy. 

A tone seemed to have shifted between you too. “Do you think we should try that night over again?” you ask, letting your eye fall into a half-lidded pose. You lean towards him. His eyes widen ever so slightly, you could almost hear his heart rate increase. “What?” he asks. Oh how different this Leon was… so shy and cute. 

You smirk, pushing his arms over his head. You used the pressure your hands had to hoist yourself on his lap. “W-Hat are you doing? Why are you getting on my lap?” he whined, unconsciously bucking his hips as you slid onto him. “Shhh,” you whisper smirking, pressing your finger against his mouth. He gives you the most pathetic look staring up at you.  

You move your finger from his mouth, leaning down. Leon leaned forward, his lips meeting yours. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down as a whine left his mouth. Your hand slowly moved to his neck squeezing it just a little. His hands found your hair entangling with his right hand while his left hand gripped your neck.

He was already getting worked up, his dick hardening underneath you. You moved back letting yourself catch your breath. “You told me you play a game of cat and mouse with me right?” he mumbled, biting his baby pink lips. “Good job listening,” you mumble in a condescending tone. Leon's eyes shift to an intense stare. 

“I wouldn't mind if we kept playing… you as the cat and me as the mouse?” he asks, his voice raising in pitch, batting his eyelashes. You smirk, “Yeah I think I can arrange that baby.” you say pushing yourself off of his lap and walking over into your room. Leon smirks watching you walk to your room. 

After a minute has passed you hear Leon’s voice from your living room. “What's taking so long?” you playfully roll your eyes. “Hold tight Leon!” you yell from, chuckling slightly. Leon shifts in his seat with anticipation. He couldn’t wait for whatever you had planned for him. He heard your soft patterns come out of your room and he turned his head. He saw you had a rope in your hand. “When the fuck did you get a rope?” he asks, looking at it. 

Your hand leaves the rope to land a smack across his face. Leon whimpers at the impact, “Fuck I’m sorry, you can tie me up.” he whines out bucking his hips. “Good boy,” you murmur, rubbing your hands against his face. “Can I get naked please?” he asks, trying to give you the most innocent eyes possible.

It seemed to have worked because you started pulling down his pants and boxers. He took this as a yes and took his shirt off. He was now completely bare sitting against the very comfortable couch. “Can I tie you up now?” you ask, admiring his body. “Fuck yeah you can, god I wanna be your whore so badly,” he whined. You raised your eyebrow at his enthusiasm. He put his hands behind his back for you. You push his head down exposing the back of his neck. 

You began tying his hands together and kissing his neck. “Ahh fuck.” he mumbles feeling the fibers burn his wrists. You fist a bit of the hair on the back of his pulling his head back up. You let your fingers trace over his thighs, moving slowly towards Leon’s almost completely rock-hard cock. It was flushed with pink and dripping with pre-cum. 

You leaned down kissing him again finally letting your hand glide up to his cock. Gripping the base of it, Leon moaned into your mouth. You moved your hand painfully slow up and down on his cock. “Fuck please…” he whimpered. You pulled away from him, “Please I need to see you too.” he whined out of breath. 

You pushed his shoulders back so he hit the couch. You slid the dress off your body revealing your entire body. You had decided against wearing panties. Leon’s eyes raked over you. “Fuck I should have known you wouldn’t wear any panties. You knew you were gonna fuck me huh?” he growled looking at you. 

You slapped him again, his blush matching the bright red color on the right side of his face he adored. “Fuuuck,” he mumbled, looking back at you. “Please let me see your fucking pussy.” he whined trying to buck his hips into the air, his cock slapping his tummy. “Yeah, you wanna see my pussy? Yeah?” you asked, leaning down to Leon who was rapidly shaking his head ‘yes’. “Please, please, please Mommy,” he begged, his face bright red.

You sat down right next to him, the pudge of your thighs touching his. You spread your legs apart. Leon gasping at your body. Your left hand moving back to his cock, your right hand moving to your clit. You moved both of your hands gathering your slick occasionally with your right hand. 

Leon was in heaven breathing rapidly watching you pleasure yourself while jerking him off. It was fucking beautiful but this isn’t how he wanted to cum. “Please, let me eat you out…” he whined looking at you. You slowed your ministrations. “You don't wanna cum?” you asked with feigned pity. “I do but..” he whined looking at your fingers knuckle deep in your pussy. “Fuck I want you to use me. I want you to cum first please, god I will do anything.” his voice was exasperated.

Sweat dripped down his face, his lips swollen, cock red and dripping with his arousal. You bite your lip looking at him. “Fuck please oh my god I want you to sit on my face so bad.” he damn near screamed struggling against his ropes and bucking into the air. “Beg,” you murmur. “Please Mommy, you have to let me eat you out. I know you want to come, please let me do it. Fuck! Please please please!!” he was screaming now.

Your hand slapped over his mouth, tears rolling down his cheeks onto your hand. “You can eat me out baby calm down.” you ensure, staring at your sobbing partner. Cue the rapid “Thank yous/ your so good/ use me’s” he was dripping with tears, sweat, and precum. You straddled his head holding just about his face. “Are you sure Le- baby? I don't wanna crush you,” you say, hand rubbing the side of his face. “I WANT you to crush me, sit down please!” he begs trying to lift his head to your aching cunt. 

You managed to keep his head down with your hand. “Ok baby if you're sure,” you murmur, you gently sit down. Your thighs smothering Leon’s face. You feel his tongue start moving in and out of your sopping cunt. You gasp feeling the burning pleasure slowly start building in your lower tummy.

“Leon- fuck.” you let out a whimper, white-knuckling the couch. You couldn't understand most of what Leon was screaming into your cunt but sounded a lot like. “Fuck fuck fuck! God your so cunt is so good. That's it ride my fucking face.” whatever he was saying was vibrating your clit making his tongue feel even better. 

You went to sit up to give him some room to breathe but that was a mistake. “What are you doing, please? Come back I need you to use me like a free-use whore, fuck!” he was screaming again. Next to thrashing around for your cunt again. 

Your hand landed on his cheek bringing him out of his tantrum. His pupils were blown, still gasping for breath. “You need to catch your breath before you get to eat me out again,” you warn. “I don't wanna breathe! Just fuck me!.” he growls. You bring your hand up to his throat squeezing. “Don't be mean you know you want to. I'm just a free dick and mouth for you. You and your beautiful body. I'm just here to please you. I’m just a fucking whore.” he whines at you, wrists burning from the rope. 

“I'm not letting you taste my cunt again, just for that,” you growl, which makes his head spin. He can’t even throw another fit before you make him lay down. “Of course you make me lie down, you know my hands are still tied so I can’t do anything. M just a lil free use toy for my mommy.” he was teasing you…

You straddle his dick, slowly sinking into him. He unintentionally bucks up, dick hitting your cervix. “Ah, fuck I’m sorry I didn't mean to do that.” Leon mumbles and for the first time tonight gave you an earnest look. “Heh, it's ok Leon don't worry. Are you doing ok? Need anything right now?” he was balls deep inside of you and you were asking if needed anything…

Leon could have sworn he would have come just then. “No- no I’m good!” he says adjusting his hips, cock somehow slipping deep inside you. “Good,” you mumble, and you began moving up and down on him. Your hands brought up to your tits groping them.

“You like watching me play with myself on you baby?” you ask, to which he can only feverishly nod ‘yes’. Words have escaped Leon, his edging from earlier coming back in tenfold. “M gonna cum.” he whimpers out in fear. “Don’t wait for me first ok?” you mumble, feeling the coil in your tummy tighten your cunt hungrily absorbing Leon’s cock. “Fuck!” he shouts, wrists almost bleeding from how hard he was pulling them.

Leon’s brain was going completely blank, his neurons only able to produce TV static. “Please momma, you can come on my cock I know you can, fuck! You're so beautiful I can’t take it anymore! Just come Mommy for me please!” Leon begs his voice almost whispering. 

“God your such a good fucking whore Leon,” you mumble, hands white knuckling the couch, bouncing your body up and down. Feeling your coil snap, cunt clenching around his cock. He clenches his jaw watching the most beautiful thing he has ever seen before in his life. Your eyes roll back with fever that makes him dizzy. 

Your head falls back beads of sweat dripping on your face and neck. Cunt swallowing up his dick. Fucking hell he was in heaven. Your orgasm dies down, as you ride yourself through it. You are only able to give Leon a little nod, and he lets his orgasm rip through his body. “Fuck fuck fuck, y/n.” he whimpers, hot cum shooting inside of your cunt. 

Both of you were breathing rapidly, eyes interlocking. “Good job Leon,” you mumble kissing his hairline. Slowly moving off of his dick cum leaking out of you. “Can you sit up for me?” you ask, trying not to let it come spilling off of your thighs. “Y-yeah,” he whispers while sitting up. His back was hot and sweaty. Beads of sweat dripped down. 

You made quick work of the rope taking it off, your stomach turning slightly at the bright red and freshly bruised marks. You kiss his wrists ruffling his hair slightly. He gives you a puppy-like gleam, fuck he was so adorable. “Would you be ok if I left you for a second to clean up?” you asked, cupping his face. 

“Mhm! I’ll be right here heh,” Leon said, you pulled him into a kiss before letting him go to clean yourself up. You went pee and grabbed a towel for him as well as a glass of water. You needed to do this right for him this time. You were going to make sure you never made the same mistake again twice. 

Unfortunately, as you feared when you walked back into the living room Leon didn’t look ok. “Baby? Leon? Should I not have left? Are you ok?” you ask, rushing over to him, setting the water and towel down next to the couch. Leon's face was red but not with a blush but with tears. They prickled at the corners of his eyes, your arms pulling him close to you. A small sob racked through his body, hands covering his face as he fell into your touch. 

“I’m so sorry Leon, I know this has probably been hard for you. I’m so sorry for that. I’m going to do better, I promise nothing we just did was real. It’s all pretend pretty boy. You're not a whore, your safe with me ok? I’m going to work hard to earn your trust ok?” you whisper into his ear, slowly stroking his hair. You know he can hear you, you also know letting him cry might be the best thing right now. 

This no doubt has brought up a lot of feelings for him, and that's ok. “Can you try taking some deep breaths? You don’t have to stop breathing but I need you to breathe ok?” you ask in the softest voice you can muster. You place your hands on his chest. He nods against your thighs, wet tears smearing around. You can feel him calling himself down with the occasional hiccups. “Good job.” you praise kissing the back of his neck. 

You coddled him for a few more minutes before he agreed to let you clean him up a bit. He sat like a kicked puppy on the couch letting you use the soft microfiber towel to clean around his groin and tummy. Holding his cup of water with both of his hands gulping some of it down.

He was quietly staring at your hands to clean him up. “Do you want a bath or a shower?” you ask, setting the towel on the side. “Um, can we have a shower please?” He asks, still feeling off from everything. You take his cup of water, set it down, and help him up to the shower, turning it on at the perfect temperature that nearly melted Leon as he stepped in. 

“I’m sorry for crying, I just got reminded of that night. I felt so alone,” he mumbled, clearly embarrassed. “Hey don’t say sorry for crying I’m sure you felt a lot. Let’s get you clean ok?” he nods, before wrapping his arms around you. “I’m not sure how this is going to work between us but if you want I would love to be your boyfriend.” He whispers into your ear. 

You pull away from the hug hot water dripping down your bodies. “I would love to be with you Leon,” you whisper, kissing him. His hands snake around your waist pulling you flush against him. The two of you melding your bodies together. 

After a very loving shower to contrast the feelings of earlier you two got dressed (you forced Leon into one of your shirts that was too short for him but you certainly didn’t mind. His arms wrapped around you, his nose nuzzling into your neck. His soft snores filled the room. You never wanted to let go of this moment. 

If only you two knew what lay ahead of Leon in Racoon City…

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Fic Recs | Vol 7

Howdy, folks! It's time for this week's recap of what I read :)

As always, you can find the spreadsheet here, and you're always more than welcome to tag me in your fic if you'd like to be included. New and old fics both appreciated; anything from a drabble to a 400k word series is fine; and the only Pedro boy I don't really read is Pero Tovar.

Without further ado here are the fics I read this week and the unhinged ramblings of a madwoman (me) to substitute for a coherent recommendation.

One for the money, two for the show a Joel series by @cowgurrrl

Rockstar!Joel AU with such a sweet fake dating trope lead in and then the most delicious yummy angst. As your resident angst whore this was everything because it was so REAL and so fucking heartbreaking. And then the happy little hopeful ending and then all the drabbles and extras??? AH! My favorite part was the lil instagram stories i think <3

sharing is caring a Frankie/Santi one shot by @walkintotheriveranddisappear

Your friend Santi introduces you to his friend Frankie and uhhhh you guys go make a sandwich.

Only Lovers Left Alive a Joel series by @atinylittlepain

I love every single thing about this. Revenge. Vampires. Blood play kind of? Biting. Etc. This shit rocks.

Waiting Room a Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters

I fucking love what kel did with this song. The repetition of one for the road really fuckin got me too. Angst angst angst.

The Special One a Joel series by @toxicanonymity

What if a reluctant soulmates AU was also a vampire!Joel AU? It would be perfect, that's what. I'm loving vampire!joel rn anyway, but this was such a cool twist on it. Also his vibes in this are fucking immaculate

Copycat Killer a Joel series by @beskarandblasters

Bitch this is so good. Stalker!Reader x Rockstar Joel... fucking perfect. I love how they both kind of suck as human beings a little bit. And that blow job oh my GOD.

Sweet Creature a Dieter series by @wildemaven

I really really love how this story is going. The little town is so real to me and I love all the little places we get to see. The bookstore sounds like a DREAM. And I can't wait for Reader to bond with D over art ahhhhh.

Stitches a Din series by @djarinsbeskar

This fic is so fucking good dude. I love the set up for the whole thing and the reader character is really fuckin' cool. The like... 8 consecutive parts of incredible smut that continues to be genuinely interesting and really fucking hot even after like 200K words is extremely impressive. I'm also pretty sucked into the story and the way Medic is being interwoven into canon. Oh and the introspection we get from Din's POV is *chef's kiss*.... anyway pls god finish this story i need it

False God a Frankie series by @swiftispunk

Frankie asking for what he wants is so... yummy... especially when it's wanting to be your subby lil pussy eating king like... PLEASE. And his praise kink??? I am in Frankie heaven

102 a Frankie one shot by @tieronecrush

I fucking love this ahhhh. I felt so bad for Frankie but also their friendship is so cute??? I love the unrequited love//idiots to lovers trope

Safe in my Arms an Ezra one shot by @mishasminion360

Ezra struggling to adjust to having one less limb and me crying about it. This was so fucking good. The raw emotion he feels and reader's unwavering support... the realism in saying something that accidentally hurts his feelings and trying to take over tasks he might find difficult AGH. I love this so much

Leave Off Your Wandering a Joel series by @oonajaeadira

Adira, I fall in love with every single little world you create without fail. This is obviously no exception. Your sheep ranch is a dream. The way you build up this backstory with the Roostlings and the friendship with Tommy and Maria and just all these extra little details you take the time to flesh out and weave into the story... makes my heart sing, friend. I adore this <3

-------- fics i read a while ago and never recommended -------

Name a Javi P one shot by @joelscruff

Consent a Dieter series by @fuckyeahdindjarin

Whiskey, Dark and Deep a Jack one shot by @prolix-yuy

Stay on the Screenplay a Dieter series by jazzelsaur (ao3)

A Safe Haven a Joel series by @joelsgreys

Psychomanteum a Dieter series by @whatsnewalycat

In Name Only an Oberyn series by @forever-rogue

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I haven't written a word in weeks, so once again no updates for me :/

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Happy Reading

[dearabby1990]

Chapter 39: Girls/Guys night out

Upon arriving back in Hawkins you both made sure to call ahead & make plans with your friends. You’ll be meeting Robin Nancy & your cousin Rachel at the wheelers to go out to brunch & pan out last minute wedding details & then have to meet back up at the house to go pick up Karen & Joyce to go finally pick out your dress & the night is for fun you ladies are going to a club out in Illinois & spending two nights there to pick out your flowers & have them delivered back home brings the only florist in Hawkins didn’t have a lily in sight. Eddie has band practice this afternoon & is going for a night out with the boys to have a few beers and play some pool. You made sure to let him know to take the boys to get fitted for tuxes & what color ties and vests they need to match their bridesmaid partner. Steve being the good friend he is already has his tux at home & hanging in the closet. He’s gonna meet the boys at the hideout later but asked to tag along for dress shopping which you thought was odd at first but also have to keep in mind although he’s a male he’s so the mother hen of the group plus you’re sure Robin talked him into coming for extra support beings your mother passed away & you need all the support you can get. “Bing” the chime of the store bell as the last of your group makes its way inside the bridal boutique as your fingers skim the many fabrics of the dresses hanging all over the place. Karen,Joyce & Steve look more excited then you do but Robin looks like her head is gonna explode she’s so red in the face so you decided to pull her aside before you all get the day started. “Hey Robs you okay you look flushed I thought I’m supposed to be the nervous wreck hahah” you squeeze her shoulder for support she takes a deep breath before turning to you “dresses jame you know I hate looking frilly this place makes me feel like I’m already suffocating & I didn’t even try a damn thing on yet &…” you stop her mid ramble “robs nobody said you had to wear a dress as a matter of fact I called ahead & spoke with them & they have a pantsuit in the same color as the dresses I’m having pulled for today so please breathe it’s gonna be fine & you know I got my best friend” you kiss her cheeks & pull her along to the dressing area where all of the workers have pulled a bunch of things for you & your bridal party you turn you your group “okay bridesmaids first then finding Joyce & Karen something because you’re both being given mother roles for us both beings we both lost ours if that’s okay with you ladies?..” they both get up hugging you squealing in excitement & gladly except your offer “okay so most of these bridesmaids gowns are in lavender & we can find silver belts or something to add maybe robs there’s these for you to the black slacks with the lavender silk button up and tie Rachel Nancy I have these gowns for you two to try out & moms they’re on the way with stuff for you guys in the color scheme now excuse me while I go have a conversation with the owner & I’ll be back to see how everything looks” they all nod & you’re off to discuss colors and details for your dress wanting to keep your ideas a surprise for everyone. You head back to the group as robin steps out of the dressing area in her pantsuit “oh my robs! That’s perfect I love it!!” She beams looking more herself “i really like the way these pants fit & this shirt is so comfortable I thought silk would give me the willies but I actually really like it you did awesome” next Nancy & Rachel head out in two different gowns so you could decide which on you liked more Rachel in a dark purple tea dress with puffy sleeves & Nancy in a lavender gown with sheer sleeves & floral patterns you look at Joyce & Karen for a moment before looking back at the girls “the one Nancy is wearing just seems so perfect for everything I think I’m gonna have to go with that one it matches robs pantsuit too I really love it” the workers start measuring the ladies as you go off to try your dresses next.

Trying on different gowns alone you just weren’t feeling that spark trying them on & you were about to give up completely & call it a day until the owner knocks on your dressing room door you open up & let her inside & she has two more dresses in her arms “now these I just pulled from the back this color doesn’t sell much but I have a feeling one of these would find a home with you” you can see the colors & fabrics draped over her arm & you bubble with excitement as they’re absolutely perfect & what you’ve been looking for all this time she helps you into the first one “hmmpf yeah I feel like a big puff ball in this one & it’s kind of itchy so let’s try that last one i really like the skirt on that one” she helps you out of the first one & into the second & you feel as if electric currents were coursing through your veins & give her a smile & a nod “I’m gonna show them this one this just feels like it’s the one I know it” she escorts you to your group they’re all fussing over god knows what because they’re all talking at once not noticing you approach them until Robin catches you out of the corner of her eye “well hot damn if that doesn’t scream mrs Munson I don’t know what will” & with that they all turn to see you & gush over how beautiful they think you look. Wrapping up measurements & payments Steve comes up & gives you the biggest hug on the planet “you looked absolutely amazing he’s gonna love it I just know it I’m so happy for you jame & by the way thanks for helping with.. you know with Rachel & stuff.. we’ve really been getting along great & im hoping I can convince her to stay” this excited you knowing both Steve & your cousin have had their fair share of heartbreak “im really happy for you guys too & she’s great Steve don’t hurt her or I’ll cut your damn balls off got it” you wink he knows you wouldn’t hurt him nor would he hurt Rachel. You all exit the boutique & head for your cars & off to your homes to get ready for tonight. Instead of bachelorette & bachelor parties you both agreed on girls & guys night out. You ladies are heading to a club just outside of town & the guys are going to have beers & play pool at the hideout. You got your best jeans on a guns & roses shirt cut into a crop top your knee high boots & Eddie’s belt. The girls came over Nancy promised to do yours & robins hair & you’re all off to hop in Paula & decided tonight that Nancy be driving beings you & Robin tend to get completely wasted & act like 2 middle school children on the way home. Pulling up to the club you all get your id’s ready pass the bouncer & head straight for the bar “three bay breezes & 3 shots of tequila!” You all take a shot & take your drinks to find a table when you spot in the back near the jukebox perfect all three of you slide in & you pop a few dimes into the slot skimming through songs deciding on playing “let the music” play by Shannon as you ladies finish up your drinks to head over & dance with each other having the time of your lives. Different colored lights lighting up the dimly lit area. Thinking of all you went through to get to this very moment in life & what amazing things still await for the future ahead. Knowing Eddie’s out having just as much of a good time as you with the people who matter the most. There’s not a thing in this world that could get you to change your mind or trade in what you have now. These are your people, your family in Hawkins it may not be as large as the busyness of the inner cities around the globe but as small as this town is it’s big enough to be your entire world & then some. At the hideout all the guys have just finished up multiple rounds of pool & ordered more drinks for the table & Steve comes back with a tray of shots “alright Munson I sure as shit didn’t think you’d be the first of us to get married but here we are & I couldn’t be happier for the both of you take care of our little sister or me & gareth will beat your ass! Haha anyways to brothers to family to the future Mr & Mrs Munson” “here here” they all cheers & take their shot.

[tyriq-edits]

In the Plain of Nysa

Millions Knives

Nai, the God of War

God of War and Vash’s twin brother

Younger brother of Tesla (Goddess of Victory)

Raised by Rem (Goddess of Wisdom)

Based on Ares and partly Demeter

Respected and rather well liked among the other Olympians (except Meryl)

After the death of his sister at the hands of mortal Soldiers during the Trojan war and Vash losing his left arm to the same soldiers, he became fiercely protective/possessive of his twin brother

Some time after the end of the Trojan War he built a giant "cage” under Mt. Olympus and locked Vash inside it for nearly a Millennium.

When any of the other Olympians asked him regarding Vash’s whereabouts he’d tell them his brother was travelling through the mortal realm, which seemed to shut the majority of the other gods up regarding this issue and the Golden Cage beneath their feet remained a secret only he and Vash knew about.

After Vash managed to escape the the golden Cage with the help of Meryl and Roberto, rather than an eternal Winter like Demeter in the Myth of Persephone & Hades, Nai, overcome with rage, created a giant war that would slowly spread across all of ancient Greece.

For more Information/lore about this AU just look at the in the plain of Nysa tag on my page or just send me an ask in my inbox.

As always thanks to my friend Stephan for helping me with this drawing of Nai and this AU in general. Please check out his art on instagram!

Please do not Tag this AU as Plantcest

[More ramblings about Nai’s design under the cut.]

Nai’s Design as you may have gathered is very much based on your typical Greek Hoplite Soldier

He was supposed to also wear a helmet but i was so proud of how the hair had turned out that I did not want to cover it up haha.

Around the time that this story takes place in, classical greece, bronze armours like these had actually fallen out of fashion in favour of iron ones so I just like to think that Nai, being over 1000 years old, is just very traditional or never fully mentally moved on from the Trojan War so he kept his old Bronze Plate Armour all those years while still adopting the newer Hoplite Warfare system (which used spears and Phalanx formations in comparison to the open battle fields and sword fights of the Mycenean Age/the Trojan War)

As for Nai‘s spear, an actual Dory could be up to 4 meters high, especially in the case of Macedonian ones. But making him run around with one of those would be impractical for many reasons as you may assume. The half-moon shaped spikes right underneath the actual Spear‘s spike is the part I stole from ancient greek hunting spears. The point of them was to keep wild animals like boars at a safe distance from you. Because boars, even if you pierce their skull with the actual spear‘s tip would just keep on running towards you even if it meant impaling their own brain on the entire spear Dracula Style. If you look closely you can kind of see it on the Meleager Sarcophagus.

[sindar-princeling]

just passing by to say that i love reading your takes about the rop episodes! i really dislike the show but i wish people could just have civil conversations about its real flaws instead of just spewing racist crap like i'm seeing a lot of purists doing. since the show came out it seems to me that you have to love the show and excuse every single thing it does because the bigots hate it or else you're a bigot too. idk it makes me not want to engage with the fandom that much

yeah especially new tolkien-related content always makes you remember how many racist pieces of shit treat every racist trope he wrote like actual word of god, because they suddenly start crawling out of every corner of the internet :// and I'm just here like. I just want to not enjoy a mediocre show in peace and see what they're doing to my favourite fictional world.

(I am of course aware that this situation is not about me - a white as raw bread dough central european - this is only my personal annoyance)

(ESPECIALLY since the show the racists hate so much for the cardinal sin of *checks notes* having a black elf in it.............. has actually already contained some really racist tropes (rhun will never be free of the racism present in the original text, it seems)! not to mention amazon mainly cast POC as their original characters (arondir, disa, some harfoots, miriel being the only exception i can think of rn) in a move that I imagine was meant to not piss off the racists too much, because there's still money to be milked out of them. amazon don't think we didn't notice your spinelessness)

.......ANYWAY, I'm sorry for derailing this so much, rop asks always make me ramble

I'm really glad you're enjoying my posts! I dislike the show but I try not to be an Angry Internet Person about it, mostly for my own peace of mind but also not to spew bile on yalls dashes - I just don't want my blog that I have for fun to be such a place. So I'm really happy that someone like you who wants to see civil conversations about it feels that they can do so here, it really means a lot to hear!!

it's the same reason why I don't really go to the main tag - many people like the show, they enjoy the aspects I don't - and I know going into the tag is pointless, I'll just be disagreeing with most of the posts I see. the most sensible thing I can do while criticising the show is add the 'rop critical' tag so those people have a way of knowing that my opinions won't interest them either, and just... live and let live, you know.

(and leave the longest, most cathartic rants for one of my very best friends, who actually wants to listen to me 😂)

[masterjedilenawrites]

Hi Lena! Thank you for the "whole rambling post" as you called it, on Crosshair having a long-term relationship! Would you be able and willing to do one for Rex? I'm especially interested in your thoughts on his priorities when it comes to choice between his s/o and his brothers. We know he's very loyal, but who do you think would take precedence? Especially if his s/o is fighting a war alongside him (like, a medic or something). Thank you so much! I appreciate you! 💕

Of course I can ramble about my other love 💙

Rex would have been very slow to enter a relationship, even with someone he openly cared for. In fact, there's only one type of person he would ever be in a relationship with, and that would be his best friend. A person he's known for a while, completely trusts, and has practically already been sharing a life with the whole time anyway... so at a certain point, he might as well embrace these feelings he didn't know he had and make it official.

*cue his S/O sighing, "I thought you'd never ask"*

*cue his brothers and Ahsoka and Anakin and even the droids he's fighting exclaiming, "It's about time!!!"*

Once in a relationship, Rex starts acting like a boy with a crush. Can't sleep. Longing looks. Blushes galore. He can't understand why he's like this. He's had so many conversations with them, why is he just now getting tongue-tied? Naturally his brothers tease him about it and cause him to be even more flustered. Eventually he settles back into normalcy... but he'll still have moments where he's so enamored by them he can't function, no matter how long they've been together.

The fact his relationship is built on a friendship makes him the absolute sweetest boyfriend. He already knows so much about them, how to make them happy, how to comfort them, the right things to say or do at the right times. And now he can add in physical gestures and romantic touches. He is delighted when he can get them to blush as much as he does. But more importantly, he just sleeps better knowing they are taken care of.

Furthermore, he and his S/O have fun. They can be utter goofballs sometimes, coming up with dumb inside jokes and silly dances and other random nonsense. It's a kind of intimacy for them, to let down their inhibitions and enjoy the small things. Any arguments that come up are usually petty and not taken too seriously. But for the few disagreements that are serious, Rex will insist they take time to compose themselves separately before coming back together to talk it over.

There is no question of his loyalty, because he knows that his S/O values all the same things. Whether they're fighting with the GAR, or rescuing clone brothers from the Empire, or any other cause they set their sights on... they're doing it together. They are a team. Rex will still worry about them, of course, and he may have nightmares sometimes about being in a situation where he has to choose between saving a brother or saving his S/O.

That being said, he does struggle with making decisions. The future is an empty, uncertain place to him, and outside of strategizing on a battlefield, he really doesn't know what to plan for. He doesn't want to get his hopes up - or his partner's - for something that could be taken away from them. Sometimes this hesitancy even carries into the small things, like planning a date night or getting a pet. He does better when his S/O reframes things as helping others, or appeals to his nobleness.

Rex is a caring, genuine, and devoted lover. He may not follow a conventional path into romance, but that's okay. His relationship is that much more fulfilling and special because of it. Rex is an exceptional clone, capable of so much more than he was designed to be. He needs a partner who sees that and empowers him, who will stand by his side as an equal, fighting the good fight. In turn, Rex will support and love them for who they are and all the joy they bring him.

Every Character Tag: @dangerousstrawberrypie, @justanothersadperson93, @arctrooper69, @sleepycreativewriter, @techie-bear, @theroguesully, @cw80831

Clone Bois Tag: @kaijusplotch, @rebel-finn, @lucyysthings, @marvel-starwars-nerd, @nekotaetae, @lackofhonor, @flowered-bicycles, @foodmoneyandcats, @nahoney22, @dangraccoon, @mishakoon, @aconstructofamind, @skellymom

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Friendly reminder: This blog and its posts will remain spoiler-free for The Bad Batch Season 3 until the entirety of the season has aired. Please do not comment or reblog with spoilers until after 5/1/24. Thank you!

[adalwolfgang]

Gideon Grim | Random headcanons

A/N: These are quite literally random and all over the place. Special thanks to my friend, Mickey, for letting me ramble about this man and giving me some more cute headcanons.

Tags: @my-sanity-is-long-gone

Purs like a cat when you rub his back or run your fingers through his hair. Honestly any soft touch.

Likes comparing y’all’s hands together to see how much bigger his is than yours.

Will nonchalantly grab your hand and turn it around to kiss the inside of your wrist. Or better yet when you rest your hand on his face, he’ll turn his head to kiss the inside of your palm. Will also kiss your knuckles.

Will wear black gloves that are sorta thin so he can still feel you under his hands. Will never not be around you without his gloves on because he doesn’t wanna risk accidentally touching you.

When he’s not on tour, he’ll on occasion keep his hair down and will let you put little braids in it. By the end of it, he might accidentally fall asleep.

Will call you darling, sweetheart, my love, mi amor, etc. Honestly anything starting with “my”.

One day you compare him to a cat and that’s how the pet name “kitty” starts. He doesn’t really mind as long as you keep it private, he’s still got a reputation to uphold Yk?

If you ever dressed up in a stereotypical grim reaper outfit on Halloween, he’ll just roll his eyes while letting out a stifled laugh. He thinks you look like a lunatic but hey, you’re his lunatic.

Definitely reads in bed for you if you’re struggling to sleep. He’s got the perfect voice and attitude for it.

Going out to eat at a restaurant with him. Either you or him are a little bit (or a lot) picky, putting the food you don't want on the other's plate. He’s that whole “they asked for no pickles” but like 10x more scarier.

He’s definitely a good listener aswell! I mean he’s a motivational death coach. Dude is always listening to what you have to say and is your biggest supporter as you are his. He gets deeply touched if you take his advice on scaring for whatever reason or compliment the writing in his books. At that point he feels as if Cupid struck an arrow in his heart.

Smiles so wide if someone even mentions you, whether it be in an interview or at one of his dead talks.

Will definitely tease you when no one’s looking, whether it’s him simply touching you or making faces. If you show any reaction, he teasingly scolds you while a small smirk is edged on his lips.

Definitely likes listening to music like “hit the road Jack” or something similar and dancing with you. He’s a really good dancer and no matter if you stink at it or not, he’ll be swaying you around to the music.

Yk how like in some relationships, people have to get like accepted by their s/o’s family to date them? It’s the same for you and Gideon except it’s with his cat. Like if Muffin genuinely shows hate toward you, he doesn’t think it will work out cause Yk he loves his cat very much. But if it starts off bad and slowly muffin warms up to you, he thinks you’re a keeper. Or if you’re lucky and muffin immediately takes a liking to you, he’s already got a ring in hand.

OWill let you wear his cloak because he finds it humorous how it practically swallows you. More than once has he snuck up behind you and just wrapped his cloak around you like a burrito and carried you to any cushioned surface to cuddle. A man only has so much patience.

Okay now hear me out. Gideon is a swifte (or whatever her fans are called) but not like in the whole has a poster on his wall of her but like, listens to some occasional songs of hers and has some songs he genuinely likes. I mean, he had “Look what you made me do” as a song for one of his dance sequences.

I was also watching a radio podcast of his on Facebook and he literally mentions how he watches stranger things on Netflix in the underworld. He’s a stranger things fan. He definitely likes the demigorgons, and his favorite character is secretly Eleven. Basically that whole “I could be a good mother” but replace it with father.

Gives off girl dad vibes. Would spoil his child(ren) rotten the same way he spoils Muffin.