#I love the negators being the best version of themselves without having to go through all the hardships of the 100th loop

[kingofanemptyworld]

oh I am so very fond of these pages, haruka went from having to be teleported into the fight with Spring to willingly jumping in to fight Beast. fuuko’s influence truly is transcendent

[idontblushsrry]

Sesshomaru|| SFW Alphabet

A/N: Heheh he seggsy ft. a gender neutral reader

Word Count: 2140

A: Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Sesshomaru shows affection by cutting off the heads of those that would dare threaten you and overall ensuring your safety. He also lets you lay on him, whether in human form or demon form, the fact that he lets you lay on him, let alone be near him when he’s so vulnerable speaks volumes of your bond.

B: Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Sesshomaru doesn’t really do best friends, if he’s interested in you, he’ll make it known when he feels is most appropriate but otherwise you’re likely in his mind at least a subordinate or acquaintance at most.

C: Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

As stated before, Sesshomaru is a secret cuddler, even more surprising is the fact that he’s good at it. Sesshomaru’s cuddles are warm and fluffy and his arm wrapped tight around your waist makes you feel safe and secure. When he’s cuddling you, he’ll also bury his head into the junction between your neck and shoulder, to him this is where your scent is strongest and he loves to be reminded of it as the rest of your scent slowly blends into his.

D: Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Settling down for Sesshomaru is kind of a weird term, it takes a lot of explaining and even then he’s still confused. When you ask him about it though, he informs you that you’re more than welcome to stay at his castle, but part of his duty is patrolling his land. He can’t settle down but he swears to you that you’ll never want for anything so long as you allow him to stand by your side.

E: Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

To be honest, Sesshomaru would probably just drop you off at the nearest human settlement/demon settlement (if it’s a really bad breakup he’ll just leave you to fend for yourself). If Rin is particularly attached to you, he may feel bad internally but in his mind, she’ll have to understand that the two of you just weren’t meant to last.

F: Fiance(e) (How would they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Sesshomaru is kind of already engaged to you once you accept his courting offer. While he won’t be pushy about it, he does want to marry you as soon as possible. The moment you agree to marry him is the happiest day of his long life, and the whole affair is a week long festivity followed by a month long honeymoon.

G: Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Sesshomaru is by no means gentle. Maybe if pushed to the brink of desperation to where your life was in danger, he’d crack just a little bit, the aftermath of which he’d make some excuse to always be holding or carrying you. Overall though, he’s not really gentle but he doesn’t need to be, he more than makes up for it because he treats you like you’re a gift from the heavens and a grace to all living things.

H: Hugs( Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He doesn’t initiate hugs, ever. He lets Rin hug him and you but that’s about it. If anyone else tried to hug him, he’d cut their arms off and if anyone aside from Jaken or Ah-Un saw him receiving a hug they’d better start running.

I: I love you (How fast do they say the L-word)

Like with settling down, it takes some convincing and a lot of explanation on your part for him to understand how three words convey to you the depth of his devotion. The way he says ‘i love you’ isn’t through words (although he eventually does say so to make you happy) it’s through the way his gaze melts just a little bit when he sees you, it’s in the smile he gives no one but you, it’s in the way he’s willing to give up everything, just for you.

J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous)

When Sesshomaru gets jealous, it’s actually kind of serious. He doesn’t get jealous as he has no need to but seeing how Mukotsu stole you away from him and hearing how one of the thunder brothers tried to marry you made his blood boil with rage. If he hadn’t already disposed of Mukotsu he’d have made him die a slow death by Sesshomaru’s poison. Also, the fact that Inuyasha killed the thunder brothers is one of the few things he doesn’t begrudge his brother for.

K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Sesshomaru’s kisses are rough and demanding, even when he’s trying to be soft with you. Something in his nature that wants to assert dominance even in the tamest expressions of love. It’s not like you mind though, his kisses always leave you breathless and wanting more.

L: Little ones (How are they around children)

As evidenced by Rin (and kind of Kohaku), Sesshomaru is really good with kids. He’s just firm and uncaring enough to keep kids in line while still letting them play and explore. And deep, deep, deep down, he enjoys kids because of the almost naive outlook they have on the world, but he’d never admit that.

M: Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings with Sesshomaru are really nice and pleasant...until you have to pee. At which point it becomes an almost wrestling contest against a clingy cuddly demon who still wants to be pressed against his mate until time forces you both to wake up. It doesn’t help either that you’re likely sore from the night before.

N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)

The SFW version of a night with Sesshomaru usually consists of you telling Rin (and a bitter Jaken) stories around the fire. Rin will probably help you put your hair up before you go to sleep and when the little ball of energy finally collapses, you tuck her in and kiss her forehead. Sesshomaru in the meanwhile, would watch all of this from a distance, his superior senses negating any need to be close anyways; plus he prefers to watch over all of you from afar before sneaking under the covers next to you while you’re asleep.

O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Sesshomaru doesn’t necessarily mean to shut you out he just reveals information on a need to know basis. In addition to that, most of his thoughts are carefully revealed through small subconscious reactions or expressions that take you a while to even pick up on, much less interpret. Eventually though, he does become open with you, you become the only person in the world that he trusts with the full breadth of his secrets and vulnerability.

P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s a 50/50 split. He can be patient when he wants to, but sometimes people are moving too slow for his liking and he starts to feel his hand twitch with the urge to use his claws. To get him angry to the point of it being visible on his face or even to the point that he shifts into his demon form is something few (namely Inuyasha and Kagome) are capable of. With you though, he does get a little impatient, especially at the beginning when you didn’t understand his grunting, but never fully enraged to the point of transforming.

Q: Quizzes (How much would they remember about you?  Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Sesshomaru remembers things about you like your scent, what makes you happy, what makes you mad, etc., all very basic information for him. He doesn’t really bother to remember things like anniversaries or birthdays just for the simple fact that his concept of time is completely different to yours. He doesn’t see the point in celebrating anniversaries (he manages by noticing the changes in your scent when yalls anniversary is approaching) and he finds it amusing that you celebrate his birthday, he hates celebrating yours though because it just reminds him that you’re human and each year is closer and closer to an eternity he’ll have to inevitably spend without you.

R: Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Sesshomaru’s  favorite moment in your relationship was when Rin accidently likened you to a parental figure one day. You managed to keep it together, but the moment she got distracted you turned to him and just sobbed into the fluff of his tail. The memory still makes him laugh but you swore him to secrecy, and he fears ever so slightly what you’d do if he broke that vow.

S: Security (How protective are they? How would they like to be protected?)

Sesshomaru does all the physical protection in your relationship. He can sense danger better even when far away and has skills and senses that you really can’t compare to. Although, Sesshomaru never sees you as inferior to him, as long as you rub his head and shoo away Kagome whenever she tries to be too sisterly with him, he’s all good.

T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

As mentioned earlier, Sesshomaru, while he doesn’t care for anniversaries, definitely makes a big event out of showing his love to you. Although the two of you aren’t dating, you’re courting (or married), he still manages to make you feel like the most beautiful person on Earth when he takes you out. If your date isn’t a private personal affair, he’s making a big show of it. Everyone in the land will know that you are his and that you are incredible in every way (basically multiple feasts/parties held in your honor).

U: Ugly (What are some bad habits of theirs? (I’m gonna add arguments here because they aren’t on the prompt list I found))

A bad habit of Sesshomaru’s is his impatience. He can be patient, but it’s mostly a façade, one in place to maintain his cool, unbothered persona. Truth is, many things bother him and he tends to just bottle it up and let it build until it boils over. Now, he may snap at you, but it’s most likely that he’ll walk away to go hack at a tree and not speak to you for a while. This leads to his second bad habit, his aloofness. While Sesshomaru is always aloof, it’s not usually a bad thing. But if he gets into one of his moods and you push and push and push, it will cause an argument.

V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Sesshomaru isn’t concerned with his looks, he always looks flawless. 

W: Worry (changed bcus I don’t like how the original frames relationships)

Sesshomaru does worry about you a lot. He tries not to say anything or let it bother him but it seems like every second he’s reminded of your human fragility. One day for trip over a tree root, the next you poke your finger sewing Rin’s clothes, and just one after another until your damned birthday comes around again and he’s reminded of the fact that you’ll get old much faster than he will. Needless to say, he worries about you a lot.

X: (E)xes (Any previous relationship experience. How does that factor into your current relationship?)

He has some previous relationship experience, mostly from matches his mom set up or random hookups. You’re most likely his first and only serious relationship.

Y: Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner)

He thinks people who seek to gain power/get ahead through frivolous means to be some of the most distasteful scum of the Earth. Aside from that he doesn’t really dislike anyone, aside from humans, or half-demons, or other demons, or anyone weaker than him, or... we could be here all day, but he pretty much only likes you, Ah-Un, Rin, Kohaku, and sometimes Jaken

Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Sesshomaru has never really had to sleep in a bed proper before you so he can just kinda fall asleep anywhere and be perfectly fine. His other skills include sleeping while standing and sleeping with his eyes open.

[gffa]

I was talking with @himboskywalker​ about Tolkien and fandom and fic, because I’m always curious where people’s “area” of the wider Legendarium are at, whether they’re a fan of the Dwarves or the Humans or the Elves or the Valar or what!  (As a surprise to absolutely no one, the Elves are where my heart is at, where I very much love the Noldor, but if you give me a choice I’m going to run over to that Sindar-centric fic every time.) Which got us onto the topic of fic recs, where, yes, I’ve done a LOT of Tolkien fic recs but I tend to read something of a wide variety and this is a list specifically aimed at those who are familiar with the wider Tolkien world, but haven’t really read much fic and want to know where to start! Other Recs First: - If you haven’t gotten further into Tolkien’s work (like say beyond the movies), I’ve done something of a primer here, which includes fic recs and brief explanations and links to videos that help explain some things.  It’s not as hard as it seems to get involved, honest! - Some other fic recs here, as an addition to the above. - My Tolkien blog (which I haven’t been on in awhile, though, I haven’t let it go in my heart yet) has, I’m not kidding, A LOT of fic recs, I did recs regularly for about three years, so it’s almost as massive as my collection of SW recs. If I Could Only Pick Three To Start You With: ✦ And What Happened After by thearrogantemu - This is the fic that took me from enjoying the Silm characters to diving face-first into really loving them, because it wove such an engaging story about the characters sailing to Aman at the end of LOTR, where various characters you wouldn’t think interacting would be as meaningful as they are, but the fic absolutely sells them on it.  Frodo and Feanor having a conversation about language?  Sam and Maglor sharing a boat to the West?  These things are amazing, as this is a fic about healing and what it means to sail into the Undying Lands.  Also, it has a Feanor and Fingolfin reunion that literally put tears in my eyes. ✦ Interrupted Journeys by ellisk - I’m generally not someone who does a lot of rereading of fic just because I have so many new ones to get to, but I’ve read my favorites in this series (parts 3 to 5 are my sweet spot especially) probably four times through now because “Elfling Legolas growing up in Greenwod with a whole cast of characters around him, as the Shadow so very, very slowly creeps towards them” may sound somewhat simple, but the worldbuilding here is off the scale.  The weaving in of how much the First Age and various Elven politics influenced Thranduil’s ruling of a Silvan people is a major theme, but it’s also good parents raising that precious Elfling right and he and his cousins+friends getting into all sorts of mischief, so it’s balanced between humor and drama in the exact amounts I want.  You can skip the first two fics and jump into the third if you like, which is when Legolas is introduced, but I enjoy the whole thing. ✦ Return to Aman OR Quenta Narquelion by bunn - I can’t pick between these two, they’re both incredible.  Return to Aman is basically “Elrond grabs Maglor and drags him to Aman with them” and it breaths such incredible lift into all the characters of Aman, it doesn’t negate the terrible things the Feanorians did, but neither does it negate Elrond’s love for them and his biological family, too.  It’s another fic that’s about healing and forgiveness and it made me glow to read it.  Quenta Narquelion is basically “Feanor refused the call of Mandos after he died and everything started to snowball from there” and it’s an absolutely heartbreaking look at all our Problematic Fave Feanorians and how they were once good people trying to do the best they could, but bit by bit they slipped into the dark.  It’s especially amazing for capturing the complexities of Feanor, as he hovers over his children as a spirit and it really brought me around on his character. The Silmarillion and other First Age Batshit Faves: ✦ The Starlit Sky by Cirth is the fic that really made me get the potential of reading about Maedhros and Maglor raising Elrond and Elros, where it does such a fantastic job of showing that there was genuine affection there, even the midst of all the angst and trauma and pain.  You really get why Elrond could never give up on them, after reading this fic. ✦ In Courts of Living Stone by ncfan - “What if Maeglin never left Nan Elmoth and instead, several decades later, found himself on an errand to Menegroth and developed a relationship with Finduilas instead?” isn’t a fic I expected to capture my heart, but boy did it ever.  Beautiful characterization and beautiful writing, it really captured my imagination, but also gave me ALLLLLL the Maeglin feelings, as well as made me pine that this Finduilas couldn’t have been more common in fandom. ✦ naught but the shores and the sea by ncfan is more of Elrond and Maglor, where it’s an AU that has Elrond finding Maglor after the disastrous attempt to recover the Silmarils and I loved it a lot. ✦ The Crane Wife by Trebia is one that takes an underused character from Tolkien (Lalwen, in this case) and breathes this incredible life into her, gives her personality and joy and sorrow and meaning and, look, any fic that can convince me that Thranduil would marry a Noldo and utterly believe it, you know it’s well-written! The Second Age Is Kind of Quiet in Fandom But I Love It Regardless: ✦ The Art of Long-Distance Grandparenting by Kazaera is a lovely and bittersweet (but mostly lighter in tone) fic about the separation of the Sea between family members and does a wonderful job with Idril’s character, as she tries to stay connected to her grandchildren while being so distant from them and unable to see them, unless they choose to come to Aman.  There’s joy to be found here and it’s a lovely read. ✦ Relativity by French Pony is a lovely look at the final meeting between Elrond and Elros and strikes the right amount of bittersweetness, where it’s awkward and difficult and heartbreaking, but also feels natural and like this was how it was meant to be.  I had many, many Elven Twin feelings during the whole thing.  (I like all their fic, they’re worth checking out their other stuff for, too!) ✦ A Thing or Two About Elrond by Crookneck is a series of fics about Elrond and the various relationships he has--with Celebrian, with his children, with Gil-Galad, etc.--and I remember being really charmed by all of them and how much shit Elrond has seen over the course of his life. The Third Age, Lord of the Rings Version: ✦ Boromir's Return by Osheen Nevoy - This one is sort hard to summarize, but it’s basically “Boromir lives, makes a friend, and slowly changes everything about the LOTR plot”, but it’s so much more than that, where the worldbuilding is phenomenal, the pacing is incredible, it made me fall in love with Boromir as a character all over again, it contains probably the best portrayal of Denethor I’ve ever read in fandom, and I really loved the OC and so on.  It’s utterly engrossing and honestly I cannot recommend it highly enough, even if you’re not usually into this sort of thing. ✦ The River by Indigo Bunting is a fic where Legolas and Sam get separated from the others for a brief time and I love fics that take two characters who don’t interact much, throw them into an intense situation, and sees what happens.  It’s not precisely a light-hearted fic, it’s very intense, but it’ll make you fall in love with the sheer good in both characters and the friendship they develop.  It’s brilliantly written and I cannot recommend it enough. ✦ A Bit of Rope by Aiwendiel is a fic where Gandalf doesn’t fall at Moria and it changes everything--not necessarily for the better.  The slow, creeping sense of things changing, things going just a little bit worse here and there, until you realize how much darker the Fellowship’s journey could have been, was brilliantly done, and one I thought did justice to the idea, it’s not grimdark, there’s still light and hope here, but it makes you feel like, oh, maybe things happened as they did for a reason, even as hard as that seemed sometimes.  Gorgeously plotted and utterly engrossing. The Third Age, Mirkwood Version: ✦ daw the minstrel has an entire series of fics about Legolas growing up in Mirkwood and there’s absolutely a reason why she was one of the most well-known authors in that corner of fandom.  Her ability to create new characters (including two brothers for Legolas) was incredible, I cared so much about the family dynamics and got swept up in the drama (which was in a very loving family, but Legolas was definitely a mischief-seeker) and they’re fantastic.  If you find yourself in something of a stretch with too many OCs and your attention wavers, you can always skip around, they don’t have to be read in order and a lot of the non-canon characters can be skimmed over, imo. ✦ In a Field of Blood and Stone by ScribeofArda is so much better than what The Hobbit movies gave us of the Battle of Five Armies, it does such beautiful justice to the complicated character of Thranduil and Legolas, not sacrificing the warmth there for how difficult these times are and the war they find themselves in the middle of.  This Bard is also really engaging and fun to read--I read pretty much the entire novel’s worth in, like, a day or two because I could not put this one down. ✦ Swordplay and Swimming by cliodna_bright has an incredible meeting where Thranduil comes to visit Rivendell, runs into Elladan and Elrohir, who are young enough that they speak without thinking, and it’s not precisely a humor fic, but I was screaming the entire time because it’s so sharply written and so absolutely delightful, I LOVE IT. ✦ Deep and Crisp and Even by rivlee made me fall in love with how Elves and humans may look very similar, but there’s this sense of otherworldliness to the Elves, as shown through Bard’s eyes when he has a meeting with Thranduil.  Beautifully written and just the right amount of atmospheric. The Fourth Age Where Everything Actually Does Mostly Work Out: ✦ Far Horizons by Bodkin is the Fourth Age fic of my heart, where the various Elves that we came to know in Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit are all in Aman and decide to build their own realm there.  Which is difficult because Elven Politics even just amongst themselves, much less clashing with all the established politics of the other Elven realms in Aman!  But it’s a light-hearted fic (for the most part) that’s about healing and moving forward, balancing their ties to their history versus that Middle-Earth changed them, and I love it for soothing my soul.  (Thranduil sailed, you can’t tell me otherwise!!!)(Bonus moments of Glorfindel being pretty hilarious.)  I like all of bodkin’s work, but this one has a special place with me. ✦ Age of Healing by trollmela is one where Maedhros and Legolas have a conversation in Aman and it’s about the bittersweetness of healing and how difficult it is, taking two characters who would never have met in canon and weaving something entirely engaging and poignant out of it. Collections That Span The Ages: ✦ This Taste of Shadow by Mira_Jade - This is a collection of dozens of various shorter stories (or sometimes 10k “ficlets”) that you can largely skip around in if you have specific characters you like or you can just start at the beginning and read through.  It contains looks at pretty much everyone, from Maedhros to Galadriel to Thranduil to Elrond to Caranthir to Glorfindel to the Valar, etc.  I’ve enjoyed pretty much everything I’ve read in this collection! ✦ Fiondil's Tapestry and Tales from Vairë's Loom by Fiondil are in the same vein and I have really enjoyed everything I’ve read from both of them!  I especially remember that there was one chapter that had a scene between Thranduil and Cirdan and thinking, ahhhh, why has no one ever written that before!? as an example of the neat things it does.  But also lots about Elrond and Glorfindel and the Valar and so on! This probably doesn’t feel like a super extensive list, but those collection series will give you an excellent spanning of Elves, Humans, Dwarves, Hobbits, etc., not just the same central characters, but giving time to a lot of lesser focused ones as well.  Like, I feel I’ve read a fair chunk of Elwing fic, but I couldn’t point you to a specific one in my list of recs, which means I’m pretty sure it was in the collections ones or else she got some good scenes in one of the Aman-based fics, so I swear the above is at least a solid place to start for dipping one’s toe into Tolkien fic. AS ALWAYS, OTHER PEOPLE’S RECS ARE WELCOME, god knows I haven’t read anything in the last two years (and will have missed a lot even before that) and so I always need more recs, too!

[askkrenko]

Krenko’s Guide to Pokemon: Mr. Line

“If a tree falls in the woods, and nobody is around to hear it, and it hits a mime, does anyone care?” ~ Gary Larson

DESIGN

Mime Jr.’s actually pretty cute, looking like a tiny little silly clown. The design is a bit generic but also very effective, making it a creature with just enough clown parts so that you know it’s a clown without so many clown parts to look terrifying. It also manages to look a lot like one of those clown-faced ice creams you can get at some places, where the cone is upside down as a hat. The point is, Mime Jr. is a small, cute pokemon that works perfectly fine.

Next is “Kantonian” Mr. Mime, and I put that in quotes because this Pokemon isn’t actually Kantonian. As with Farfetch’d, Mr. Mime is called Kantonian because that’s the first region we as players could get it, but the only ones available in Kanto outside of Let’s Go are either from trades or from the game counter, plus a very tiny amount that appear in the grass patch south of Pallet Town in Gold and Silver but not Red and Blue, implying that someone in Pallet Town has been breeding and releasing Mr. Mimes, and I’m not going to say who, but we all know these Mimes are a certain protagonist’s half-siblings, don’t we?

So where is Mr. Mime from? Well, we’ve established that the first Mr. Mime we met, Marcel, didn’t come from Kanto, and there’s no Mr. Mime in Johto, Hoenn, or Unova. Alola’s a weird one, as they don’t appear in Sun and Moon but they do appear in both Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon. Still, they’re only in one location and Alola is known for having many imported Pokemon.  Sinnoh’s a possibility- while the Trophy Garden is clearly cultivated, Mr. Mime and Mime Jr. both appear in the wild in Diamond (but not Pearl). Still, I think the actual natural habitat of this Mr. Mime is the Reflection Cave in Kalos. Not only would a mime Pokemon make the most sense in the Kalos region, but it’d make far more sense for it to be living in a hall of mirrors than simply wandering grasslands as it does in Diamond. Further, this is in much closer proximity to the Galar Region, where Mime Jr.s and Galarian Mr. Mimes wander freely.  Thus, for the rest of this article I’m going to refer to this creature as Kalosian Mr. Mime.

And Kalosian Mr. Mime is terrifying. This thing is so Uncanny Valley that it goes down to becoming some sort of Uncanny Trench where light vanishes and there’s no hope for escape. It has all the most terrifying aspects of a clown, with a vaguely human form that isn’t quite right, hair that resembles horns, and an uncomfortably close relationship with your mother. Its bright coloration and curly feet are just sort of haunting, giving the illusion that it’s wearing clothes while in actuality that’s all just part of it’s horrible, horrible body.

In contrast, Galarian Mr. Mime is much friendlier looking. The pants help a lot, but so do the big gloves and the nose. It looks less like a monster and more like a cartoony man, and while it’s still weird to see a Pokemon that’s so humanlike, this version doesn’t feel inherently wrong and unsettling. Much better design here, unless the goal is to freak people out. That said, I just don’t buy this as an evolved form of Mime Jr. Galar really needed a Galarian Mime Jr. to finish the set, because as is Mime Jr. turning into Galarian form in Galar and Kalosian form anywhere else just feels off.  The other weird thing is that Galarian Mr. Mime, with its new focus on tapdance, doesn’t still feel like it should be called Mr. Mime. It’s something I complain about a lot with alternate forms, but if a creature’s called Mr. Mime it should be miming, not dancing, and if a creature’s called Sandshrew it should be sand based. 

Visually, I love Mr. Rime. He’s got all the charm of Galarian Mr. Mime but now has a silly hat and an ice cane. He also gets the red bubble on his stomach back from being a Mime Jr. which makes me question why Galarian Mr. Mime doesn’t have it. Mime Jr. links fine to Mr. Rime, but through features lost along the way, like its hat and its big red poofs. Mr. Rime is also clearly Charlie Chaplin, and I love the pun of its name in that it’s both Rime and Rhyme.

EVOLUTIONS:

Oh god this line is a mess.

First we get Mime Jr, which has first form starter stats, but evolves when knowing the move Mimic. With no TM or TR, Mime Jr. learns Mimic at 32, finally evolving into a Pokemon whose stat total is still a bit small for a final form. If it’s not in Galar, it stays a Psychic/Fairy type. If it is in Galar, it becomes a Psychic/Ice type, which then evolves again at 42 into something that’s not actually that big a boost over its previous for, making Galarian Mr. Mime a good user of the Eviolite.

And then Mime Jr. is an incense baby, so if you breed two Mr. Mimes (and you can because despite the name half are female) you get a Mr. Mime if you’re not using incense. This is a stupid mechanic that they need to get rid of. 

As with Farfetch’d, the fact that the original doesn’t get a new evolution while the regional form does bothers me, because it doesn’t do anything to bring the original back into playability, it just gives us a new different Pokemon that makes the original less relevant.

I will say Mime Jr. was a good addition. While some baby Pokemon are a waste of time, Mime Jr.’s actually a really solid early-game Pokemon, and Mr. Mime’s strong enough that it shouldn’t be appearing until mid to late game anyway. Adding Mime Jr. adds a lot of playability to this line in PVE.

Art by Zerochan923600

TYPING:

Kalosian Mr. Mime spent a lot of time as a Psychic type until we actually went to Kalos and found out it was a Psychic/Fairy type this whole time. Defensively, this is decent. It only has three weaknesses, and while it only has three ‘resistances,’ one of them’s a double and one of them’s an immunity. Offensively, it’s super-effective against four types and neither type works well against Steel… but that’s Steel, and most things don’t work well against Steel.

Galarian Mr. Mime and Mr. Rime are Ice/Psychic types, with their only competition in that type combination being Jynx and the legendary Ice Rider Calyrex. Defensively, this is a really bad combination, with six weaknesses and only two resistances- Ice and Psychic themselves. Offensively, this gives super-effective options against six types with only Steel as a shared resistance. 

Art by DarkraiLady

STATS

Kalosian Mr. Mime has a whopping 120 Special Defense, but a mere 40 HP, seriously inhibiting its ability to actually tank, and only 65 physical defense. It’s 100 Special Attack is respectable, but Speed 90 isn’t really enough to make a sweeper out of it,  even with Nasty Plot.

Galarian Mr. Mime balances its stats a bit, trading Special Attack and Special Defense for a bit more HP and Speed, but the only thing here that really works out in its favor is that it can equip an Eviolite, turning it into an actual defensive Pokemon, albeit one that still has poorer HP than most. 

Mr. Rime brings up most of its stats as evolutions do, but weirdly drops its speed from 100 to 70. It manages to be more defensive than average post-evolution, but its key stat becomes its 110 Special Attack. Overall, its stats are fine, able to dish out hits and take them, and its worst stats are only a bit below average.

Singin’ in the Snow by Pizapioart

ABILITIES

Kalosian Mr. Mime and Galarian Mr. Mime have entirely different abilities, with Mr. Rime having another.

Like Electrode, Kalosian Mr. Mime can get Soundproof, and there’s plenty of Sound based attacks out there, making this a decent defensive option. This improves in 2v2 where you can pair it with Boomburst.

Filter, a near-Signature ability of Mr. Mime, is another powerful defensive option, reducing the damage of supereffective moves from 2x to 1.5x. As you can reasonably expect most opponents to have Poison, Steel, or Ghost moves somewhere in their lineup, you really can’t go wrong with this.

Technician increases the power of any of Mr. Mime’s moves of 60 power or less by 50%, and in theory this is a good ability, but Mr. Mime just learns all the good moves anyway. There’s no reason to use a Technician’d Confusion when you can learn Psychic, or a Technician’d Magical Leaf when you can learn Energy Ball. Skipping this should be easy, because it’s Mr. Mime’s Hidden Ability.

Galarian Mr. Mime (but not Mr. Rime) gets Vital Spirit, which grants immunity to sleep. This is fine and usable and plenty of enemies will try and put you to sleep, but this isn’t the reason you’d be using this Pokemon.

Mr. Rime gets Tangled Feet, which is a garbage ability for garbage Pokemon. Nobody needs raised evasion when confused, what they need is to not be confused.

Ice Body, hidden ability of Galarian Mr. Mime and Mr. Rime, causes a Pokemon to heal in Hail. Of course, every Pokemon that can get this, other than the not-fully-evolved Seel, takes no damage in Hail anyway, and it really takes a fully defensive playstyle to worry about using your ability on sometimes healing 1/16th max HP a turn. There are ways to build Mr. Rime for this, but it’ll involve other Poekmon on your team setting up the Hail and wanting it, too.

Besides, Galarian Mr. Mime and Mr. Rime have the signature ability “Screen Cleaner” which negates Reflect, Light Screen, and Aurora Veil upon switching in. This ability is honestly the best reason to use these Pokemon, more than anything they’ll actually do once on the field. Any ability that has an effect on switch in tends to be good, because as long as it’s something you wanted done, you basically just got a free action. 

Art by  PeregrineJazmin, formerly Retkikosmos

MOVES:

Psychic and Psyshock are both great options for your primary attack form. Psychic is a bit bigger, but as you’ll have a special move of your other element to fall back on, Psyshock adds a bit more versatility.

Kalosian Mr. Mime’s only Fairy attack is Dazzling Gleam so you take Dazzling Gleam. Galarian Mr. Mime/Mr. Rime gets your choice of Ice Beam, Blizzard, or Freeze-Dry. Freeze Dry has the drawback of being weaker most of the time, but extra strong against Water Types, which are rather common. Blizzard is more likely to outright end something, but without Hail its accuracy is rather poor.

Coverage options are pretty wide for the mimes. Thunderbolt, Energy Ball, Shadow Ball, and Focus Blast are available to both, with that last one being super effective against the Steel types that resist Psychic, Fairy, and Ice. 

If you think you’ll get a moment to build up, Nasty Plot is always a great move, as is the more defensive Calm Mind.

Mr. Rime gets two particularly interesting options: it can Rapid Spin, which combines well with Screen Cleaner to reset the field, and it can learn Slack Off, the normal type equivalent of Recover. 

The Mime family’s move pools are actually rather deep, and there’s plenty more options in there, like Hypnosis, Reflect and Light Screen, Baton Pass, Iron Defense, Stored Power, and, via older gens, Healing Wish.

Art by albrt-wlson, which I have to assume is short for Albert Wilson, but might actually be Alberta Walesong.

OVERALL:

I love to hate Mr. Mime, though overall the whole family winds up in the range of ‘fine.’ Mr. Rime’s speed loss is its biggest hit, but other than that there’s a lot of good stuff it can do, especially with both Screen Cleaner and Rapid Spin.  Having below average speed on a Pokemon with so many weaknesses is a problem, but with such a strong variety of moves there’s a lot that can make up for it.

Kalosian Mr. Mime, unfortunately, really needs that stat boost that Mr. Rime got or the ability to use Eviolite like Galarian Mr. Mime, and it just doesn’t have either. 

The other thing that really bugs me about Kalosian Mr. Mime is its abilities or lack thereof. In flavor, Mr. Mime is THE Barrier Pokemon. Reflect and Light Screen are supposed to be what it does better than anyone else… but it just isn’t. Sure, Soundproof, Filter, and Technician are interesting, but I’d have loved to see Mr. Mime have something like Prankster or an ability that mimicked Light Clay, anything to say ‘this is the Pokemon that is best at Reflect.’ Honestly it’s a problem I see in the game a lot, a Pokemon having a specifically mentioned ability or a clear signature move that the Pokemon just has no reason to use. At least Mr. Rime clearly wants to use Teeter Dance with Tangled Feet, even if that strategy isn’t a strong one.

It just really bugs me when a Pokemon isn’t good at what it’s supposed to do, even if it’s good in other ways.

[kerra-and-company]

#5 for the slightly altered timeline prompt! Happy endings would be so nice :D!

[ @thoseofuswhoblossom ]

Okay, now that I've answered a very much NOT happy one (my own fault, I was given free rein and my brain chose angst) let’s do this one! Time for happy things! :D @thoseofuswhoblossom

5. the timeline in which they continue on from the current point in their lives to the best happy ending that is within their reach, where nothing that has happened so far is negated but from now on, the happy things start piling up.

Under a cut because this got long! :)

Kerra (because I just wrote what’s basically the worst timeline for her and she deserves to be happy): 

For some reason, it’s unnecessary to go to Cantha. Maybe Bubbles is actually decent, or maybe they’re simply content to disperse the magic and not keep it, or maybe something else entirely. The balance is restored/maintained, and Aurene is still Aurene, though maybe farther out of reach depending on whatever was necessary to make that happen. She can still talk to Kerra and does so on a regular basis.

The Pact retires from its taking-down-the-dragons job, and “Commander” officially (and actually for real, no matter what on earth happened with it in LWS3) becomes more of a ceremonial title. She’ll never stop helping--she wouldn’t want to--but the world-saving responsibility is no longer on her shoulders. She can be with her family and live a life that she and she alone chooses for herself.

She, Nisha, and Canach mean to have another sprout, but they actually end up having twins, Tev and Ia (that’s i - a btw), who awaken a few months post-Icebrood (these two are going to be canon in the main story, too). Rhi dotes on their baby siblings and helps teach them how to fight. Tev has Kerra’s empathy powers (but he gets a much calmer start learning to use them), and Ia is an elementalist (like her uncle Rel) with a tendency to destroy whatever room she’s in before she learns control. Kerra’s able to be there for all of her kids as they grow up, and for once, she doesn’t have to work as hard to balance her job with family because her job is whatever she says it is.

Maybe they settle down. Maybe they travel together. But she’s able to rest with her family and make her own way in the world, and to see her friends, and to finish the cleansing of dragon-corrupted land with her brother, and to do any number of other things without worrying about those that could die when she’s forced to fight a corrupt minister or a lich or a rogue god or an Elder Dragon.

She helps Jory and Kas and Logan deal with corruption in Divinity’s Reach. She plays with her nephew in the long grass of a field in Queensdale. She does what she can to help the charr and the norn rebuild. She teases her sister about a crush and is promptly threatened with being stabbed. She stands by Cio and Pliarr and Taimi when they deal with the Arcane Council. She laughs as she reminisces over drinks with Braham and Tanza and Minei.

She wakes up in the morning in the pile of family she’s built and made and chosen, and that’s the most incredible part of all.

(The random thing picker has chosen Ari again, haha, so here’s her version! And then I’ll give you one more character at the end.)

Along the same lines as Kerra, going to Cantha becomes unnecessary. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean, for Ari, that the Pact doesn’t go. It just means that they don’t need her (or Cio, or Brook, or Casca). 

She’s able to stay with them. She can actually take Cio out on a date, and they can laugh in the faces of anyone who stares. And she'll let herself laugh freely, now. She’ll let herself smile. She’ll let herself be happy and hold her mate’s hand.

Brook and Casca stay close--maybe not directly with her, but nearby, doing whatever it is they choose to do (helping the Crystal Bloom, working with the Olmakhan, opening a restaurant...could be any number of things). They stay in touch and they stay close.

Maybe Ari helps Crecia create a new structure and future for the charr, pointing out any number of things that they’ve been doing wrong. Maybe she stays as far the hell away as possible. Both options are viable.

On her days off, she goes to watch the cubs at the fahrar. She’d never be a primus; she wouldn’t want the job. But she watches them from the shadows and picks out any having trouble. She’ll usually help them indirectly, through gifts or subtle encouragement or protection that they don’t realize they have until their bullies back down. (And she may or may not threaten any adult charr mistreating the children. You have no proof either way.) Her lurking around earns her a nickname or two, some positive and some not so much. Depends on who’s giving them to her.

She and Cio make a life together. They probably open up a business, too--maybe fixing machinery and airships and anything mechanical, maybe transportation, maybe both. It’s fulfilling and normal in a way directly contrary to the standards of normal that she grew up with. 

She’s happy, and she’s home. She never has to fight again.

(And for a third, last but not least, you get Tanza!)

Her wound from Jormag’s magic heals, though it will forever leave a scar. They go home and find their mothers, alive and well, though clearly a bit traumatized from being stuck inside magic ice. She stays with them for a few months as they recover, then she leaves.

They stay in the Abattoir for several nights, and eventually, they reach Owl in the Mists. She becomes what passes for a havroun to Owl, which is a bit odd considering that Owl is technically no longer alive, but since she’s a revenant, they make it work.

They travel back into Bjora Marches and the Northern Shiverpeaks, learning and reclaiming the land. Sometimes other norn come with her (Braham does too, on a few trips, once he’s feeling better), sometimes it’s just her alone, sometimes it’s Cio, and sometimes it’s Minei. Once or twice, it’s Kerra.

They build a new shrine to Owl in Hoelbrak, as well as new ones for the other lost Spirits. She stays there sometimes, but she also travels--maybe a week or so there and a week away. They build a friendship with Minei, too; the two of them are very different, but they click in some ways, and Minei becomes like a second child to Tanza’s mothers.

She struggles sometimes. It’s an odd path to walk, and they’ve gone through a lot in the past year or so. But she has friends and family to hold her up, and she feels at peace. This is what they were meant to do, what they were meant to be, but they also chose it and walked into it with open eyes.

She loves her family and Owl, her Spirit, and she’s a bridge between Tyria and the Mists. They made themselves a legend and found exactly where they belong.

[thankchaosforspellcheck]

Genius omens au

(aka a Girl Genius/Good Omens crossover because I’m not gonna stop being on this kick until something better comes out.  Which nothing has yet.)

So I’ve got at least 2 ideas for this AU, first one goes like this:

Crowley and Aziraphale are both low-rung minions for competing families.  Neither are from canon, and while one of them prides themselves on the “help” they spread to the local commoners, the other on the chaos. (they are both pretty chaotic, honestly).

Gabriel and Beelzebub are top-ranked minions who mostly handle all the paperwork.

The actual sparks never appear.  The spark for Aziraphale’s family (who is essentially god) is too busy producing brilliant inventions to help the world... and then forgetting to include any instructions or telling anyone how they work.  (She actually does this on purpose, as a bit of an experiment to see if anyone will ever actually ask her how they work & to see if they can work it out on their own)  Meanwhile, the spark for Crowley’s family (Lucifer) creates horrific inventions meant to insight chaos and disaster on all those who are within it’s aim!  ...Which would be a lot easier to do if he had neater handwriting.  Or used less obscure scientific terminology.  Or didn’t spill coffee on half of it!

So Aziraphale & Crowley’s jobs are essentially to go out and try to figure out how the inventions work without getting themselves killed (the latter bit’s more for Aziraphale for Crowley, honestly.  And even then they only say that because they’re the “good guys”, not because they actually mean it), as well as to try to prevent the neighboring family from using their’s.

They are surprisingly good at their jobs though.  

Like, weirdly so.  

Everyone kind of assumed they were gonna be dead within the first week like all the past minions were.

(what they don’t know, is that they have 2 advantages on everyone else: 

1. they met almost immediately and both went “oh shit he’s hot, hEY WHY DON’T I HELP YOU WITH THAT” and not only figured out how each other’s devices worked, but also realized that they negate each other (ex: one is meant to end world hunger, the other is meant to cause massive famines, together they make all the farms have solidly mediocre years)

2. they are actually both minor sparks, not that either has realized it yet.  See, Aziraphale’s breakthrough was probably the quietest breakthrough in the history of the world and Crowley just kinda vaguely sauntered his way through a breakthrough, and everyone else was too distracted by the latest disaster to notice (Aziraphale’s breakthrough sparkwork was a quick fix he did on the flaming sword he was given by the family spark (It was so easy, I hardly needed to be a spark to do it) which he immediately gave away to the Spark’s daughter (who’s as mundane as you get) since she’s going to be traveling through the wilderness with her husband. Crowley’s was the Bentley, which is a horseless carriage he bought off a passing spark and fixed up in his spare time (look, there was barely anything wrong with it.  I just did a bit of tinkering here, welded a few wires together there, and after some polishing and a good wax she was good as new!  Took me forever to finish ‘er anyways, a spark’d hardly take an hour to do what I did).  

Both of them have noticed that the other is a spark and revert to minioning when the other gets in a fugue.  Neither notices when the other is minioning while in said fugue, and they never actually bring the sparking out up.  Because they’re idiots.

Now, The second idea (under the cut because boy howdy did this get long!):

They are both still oblivious minor spark minions (because I just think think this fits them really well)  But this time it’s with some known families

Crowley is a Heterodyne Jager, though not one of the ones that’s particularly noticed by people (not one of the oldest, but not young enough for, say, Bill or Barry to have seen him take the Draught)

You know how 99.9% of Jagers take the draught because they are just so devoted to the cause and want to serve the Heterodynes for the rest of eternity?  Well Crowley’s that .1% that did it because everyone else was chanting “DO IT DO IT” at the time and he was just like “Welp, it’s not like I have anything else to do” and downed it.

(He’s possibly the only spark to take and survive the drought, no one has any fucking idea so he’s just considered as one of the minor foot soldiers.  Which is probably all the better for him, since he would have been on a dissection table in 5 seconds flat otherwise)

He looks more or less like he does in the show, just with scales under his clothes, black claws on his hands (which he generally hides with gloves, and some fairly small (for a Jager) fangs.  He definitely still has sunglasses, and if asked claims either “they look cool” or “I’ve got an eye condition and I don’t want a spark to make it worse or put lasers in” depending on who he’s talking to and how much they’ve annoyed him.  He also grew some black wings some time after he drank the draught (which, if the Heterodyne knew about, they would be extremely interested in) which he keeps under his clothes and extremely close to his back.

He also doesn’t have too much of a Mechanicsburg accent since he kinda just fucked off on the first mission out of town and away from the Heterodyne that he could get (look he loves his master and thinks they’re creations are fascinating but that doesn’t mean he actually wants their attention)

he’s also part of the same batch that Beelzebub, Hastur, and Ligur came from and hates all of them.

Meanwhile, Aziraphale is a minion of the House of Valois, and has been for quite some time.

See, around the same time as Crowley was made a Jager, someone from the Storm King’s line (probably a von Blitzengaard)  Decided that enough was enough and they were going to make their own Super soldiers (but prettier! and with wings and a melodious voice like an angelic choir and-!)

Aziraphale was the only survivor.

(He was not what the creator was aiming for.)

He also looks more or less like he does in canon, with beautiful white wings and white curly hair.  He looks strangely normal for someone who went through a version of the draught, honestly.  He does, however, still have the increased strength, durability, stamina, and whatever else the brau includes.  It just showed up at a much slower rate, so it was put down as a bad job and discarded.

(the reason he survived is because he was the only one out of all the subjects who had even the vaguest of sparks.  I think the duality of this is nice.  One survives in spite of his spark, the other survives because of it)

So when he fails to be Angel Incarnate he gets a disappointed dismissal from his creator and gets sent out on some away mission he’s meant to never come back from

(he doesn’t, but it’s only because he met Crowley on the way there)

Several Generations later, they are wandering around the wastelands, vaguely hear about the Heterodyne boys recalling all their Jagers and turning over a new leaf, shrug, and disguise themselves so that they can follow the kids from a distance (because they’re still his Heterodynes dammit).

(or at least that’s Crowley’s reason.  Aziraphale’s reason is that Crowley’s there and that’s good enough for him at this point)

They keep this up on-and-off for a good while whole events with the other and the attack at the castle happen and they lose track of them.

Crowley’s a bit worried, but figures he might as well just wander around the Wastelands like the others are and if he finds them, he finds them.

He was not actually expecting to find either of them

So you can imagine his surprise when Barry shows up near him one day with a toddler following him like a lost duckling.

So he does what any reasonable Jager would never do, and immediately goes up to the two and introduces himself and his husband TRAVELING COMPANION as everything but a Jager and Jager-knockoff.

Barry is, of course, paranoid at these complete strangers that seem vaguely familiar in the weirdest of ways, but they both seem genuinely nice and they both hate the other with a passion so he settles into an uneasy trust.

They both end up showing him their wings and explaining that they’re constructs who were made in such a way that they are immune to wasps.

(Crowley offers to demonstrate by eating one.  Barry hastily declines)

They start traveling together and, after that uneasy trust settles into an easy one, he asks if he gets whatever signal that made him decide to start tracking down the Other solo

But Punch and Judy aren’t there.  He never managed to run into them at all,

Crowley and Aziraphale, however, are.

Part 2:

Agatha Crowley-Fell has had a very normal, if interesting, life.

She’s raised by her two fathers (uncles, they insisted for a good long while until she points out that they’ve officially adopted her and they’re as much her parents as her biological ones are, and that she doesn’t think they’re replacing them, just adding to them (to which the respond with hugging and crying)) in Beetleburg. 

one of which works as a librarian at the local college (where he is more then happy to help anyone who needs anything besides books.)

an unofficial elective is “how to borrow a book from Mr. Fell”.  Everyone who passes gets hired by the university on the spot.

Crowley, meanwhile, owns a flower shop where all of the plants are guaranteed to be vibrant and spotless! (or else)

Occasionally, they’ll come to her right before bed and ask to see her locket, “to keep it in the best shape possible” they say.  One will take it to another room, while the other sits with her and sings a lullaby until she falls asleep

it’s always back on her neck come morning.

As time goes on, her headaches slowly get better.  She’s still never able to finish a project, but it pops up less during mild excitement or frustration.

They’re still incredibly annoying though

And then comes the day when her locket is broken and the Baron comes to town, and her life goes from tame to disastrous in a matter of hours.

[fanfic-scribbles]

Safe As Houses

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Summary: You provide a safe haven for Steve when he needs it most– in more than one way.

Quick facts: Romance – Steve Rogers/Reader – Nondescript Reader

Warnings: Fluff, some pining, Reader doesn’t live in NYC

Words: 4640

A/N: I’ve been sitting on this for a bit, unsure of whether I wanted to post it or not, but I’m going for it =] Based on a weird snippet of a dream I had, this thing was going to be long and involved but it just didn’t…have enough to it to make it a multi-chapter thing, so I decided to pare it down and apparently this is where it made the most sense to me. It is pretty much Steve/Reader wanting each other and beating around the bush until…well, it’s fluff, so you know how this goes. I also think it’s easy to tell that I love that tank top he wears in CA:TWS a liiiiiiittle too much. I failed at trying to use the gif search to find it though, so you’ll have to use your imagination u-u. Anyways; please enjoy.

“Why is this one more expensive…” you mutter to yourself and study both cans. All those years of ‘spot the difference’ have to count for something, but grocery shopping still remains a challenge, somehow. In more ways than one, as someone hovers behind you. You scoot to the side but they follow you, big and looming. Who the hell creeps at a grocery store? You turn, hoping a flat ‘fuck off’ stare will do the trick, but what you find is a shockingly familiar face.

“Steve?!” you hiss. It’s not the nicest welcome for him maybe, but it isn’t like it’s easy for him to just drop in.

“Shh,” he says and tucks his hat lower. He glances around. “I’m sorry to do this but I need help. Can I lie low at your place?”

Without giving it even a second thought you pull out your keys and take off the one for your house. He practically seeps relief when he slouches and you can see a flash of a cut by his ear. “Thanks,” he says and hugs you carefully. Fear wells up in you. Who (or what) hurt him? Why is he here instead of hunkering down with his team? This isn’t the place to ask, though, and any impulse to try fades when he aims a smile at you. “By the way, I missed you.”

You smile at your customary greeting. Long-distance friendships with a superhero aren’t any easier than ones with normal people, but you wouldn’t trade this for anything. Not anything. “Likewise,” you say softly and touch his cheek. “Go to my place and relax; I can get in through the garage. I’ll be done here soon.”

He nods, hesitates, and then leaves. You watch him go before you dump the cheaper can in your cart and then grab several more. At least he’s stopped in before you’ve finished your shopping– you’re definitely going to need a lot more food.

When you get home it’s dark inside from all the drawn blinds and completely silent. Steve would tell you if there was danger inside your house, right? This is just him being paranoid. …You hope.  “Home at last,” you say, just a little above normal volume, and start putting away groceries like everything is normal.

Until you turn and run into a body. You barely clamp down on a yell. “What the– f– Steve!” you hiss.

“Relax; there’s no listening devices. I checked,” he says.

“Then don’t sneak up on me!” You smack his chest. “Also, thanks for the new nightmares about something I’ve literally never thought about before.”

He has the good sense to at least look apologetic. “Sorry,” he says. He shifts his weight to his other foot and clears his throat. “Do you need help?”

“I got this.” Even in the dim, mostly blocked daylight you can see the dirt in patches on his skin and clothing, a recently healed cut on his neck, and eyes that sag. “Why don’t you go take a shower? Once we’re both done you can tell me what’s going on.”

He looks like he’s going to argue, but then he actually says, “Okay.”

“No arguments? Shit; you must really need to sleep,” you say and wipe off a smudge on his cheekbone.

“Don’t push it,” he says with a slight smile and grabs your hand. He doesn’t push you away though; his fingers lightly curl around your hand and you can feel his warmth seeping in. Even in the parts of your skin he isn’t touching.

You don’t know what to do, and Steve freezes too. You both unhook then; jerking like puppets whose masters don’t understand movement, until he rushes upstairs (shockingly quiet) and you go back to the mindless task of putting groceries away. You stop for a moment in the middle to start making a couple of frozen pizzas– if Steve didn’t stop to shower you doubt he stopped to eat.

Steve’s and your friendship is…unconventional. Mostly because of who he is, but also partly because you don’t make a habit out of befriending random people while on vacation. But Steve is special. A chance encounter at a museum turned into lunch, which turned into going to a few spots he recommended, which turned into spending the rest of your week in New York together, switching between playing tourist and acting local.

That, in turn, has become a long-distance friendship that is one of the most solid relationships you’ve ever had. It’s also…occasionally…flirty. You think. Okay, you’re pretty sure, actually, it’s just– what if you’re wrong? And how could it even work, in the best case scenario of returned feelings, when you live a life here and he has a life there? Ultimately you’re happy with what you have, so you try not to think about what could– or could not– be.

Except those thoughts are hard to ignore when Steve is here. In your house. In your shower.

The oven timer goes off and saves you from having to jump into a cold shower of your own. Steve makes his appearance just a minute or so later, when you’re taking a few slices onto your plate.

“Help yourself,” you say, trying to avoid looking at him directly. You steal a little glance at him and as nice as he probably looks with damp hair and dewy skin, you can’t help but slide right over those to focus on the ridges of cuts healing fast and purple blossoms that seem to be fading before your eyes. But they’re still there, and without thinking you touch a yellow spot on his collarbone. A combination of how soft that spot is and him flinching makes you gasp and jerk back.

“I’m so sorry, I– holy shit; is it broken?!” you ask, dumbfounded. Logically, yeah, Steve has to get hurt sometimes, but he always seems so sturdy. Almost unbreakable.

Except now, exhausted to the point of wild eyes trying to stay open and covered in cuts and bruises. “It’s fine; it’s healing.”

“Steve,” you say, and he pulls you into a hug. You avoid that side of his chest (how he’s walking and talking without curling into a pain-crying ball is beyond you) and hug him gently. His clothes smell like smoke and musk and it mingles with the scent of your soap and shampoo. You stay in that moment as he whispers, “I’m fine.”

It’s a terrible lie, but he’s not going to admit otherwise. His stomach rumbles and causes a little break in the tension. Enough for you to pull back and say, “And hungry, apparently.”

He smiles at you, and you sigh. “Fine; I’ll wait until you're done eating for the explanation.”

You don’t have to wait long. He scarfs down the food so fast that he finishes even before you do. He looks a lot better for it though; he doesn’t look as pale and the injuries are just about gone.

“See?” He grabs your hand and puts it to his collarbone– now back in one solid piece. “I’m fine.”

You’re a little distracted with feeling over his skin, but you still roll your eyes. “Just because you heal doesn’t negate that you were hurt in the first place.” Reluctantly, you take your hand back. “So: what the hell is going on?”

Steve’s expression loses any lightness it had and becomes a straight face befitting a troubled captain. “I’m still not quite sure,” he says and crosses his arms as he leans back in his seat. His eyes go down, but his mind obviously travels elsewhere. “Short version: Bucky, Sam, Tony, Bruce, Natasha, Clint, and even Thor are missing.”

“Missing?” How do the Avengers– especially already-(in)famous billionaire Tony Stark– go missing?

“I don’t know who, how, or why,” Steve says, aiming his frown at the table. “Pepper put Stark’s tower on lockdown– I think Darcy, Jane, and Dr. Selvig are there as well. They sent me an SOS letting me know that Tony and Bruce and Thor were missing and I tried to go looking for them and the others. Clint and Natasha could have gone underground, but I feel like I would have heard from them in some way by now, and Sam and Bucky are definitely missing.”

“And nobody’s gloating about it?”

“That’s actually what concerns me the most,” Steve says and looks up at you. “If just capturing us was their only goal, whoever it is would have come forward. But they haven’t. They’re still trying to catch me in secret.”

“Because whatever they want the Avengers for they need the full set?” you guess.

“I can only hope,” he says and runs his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry I dropped in like this, it’s just– I’ve kept our friendship to myself. No one knows about you, and this is the only place I could think of where I knew I would be safe.”

You puff up a little at that. Steve hasn’t even been to your house before but he feels safe here– which means, for some reason, he feels safe with you.

“I won't stay here long,” he says and before you can protest, adds, “No. Thank you, but I can’t put you in danger too.”

You hesitate. You want to insist that he can stay as long as he wants, but finding his friends is a time-sensitive thing and you don’t want to seem callous. “Whatever you need, Steve.”

His smile is warm but worn, and for a moment you can see his weariness– his fear. You get up and go next to him, and wrap your arms around his head and shoulders. “It’s going to be all right. Your friends are all smart and can keep themselves safe until you find them. And you will find them. Without getting captured yourself.”

Steve chuckles. He holds onto you, arms around your waist, for several seconds before he releases you. “How did you know that was the back-up plan?”

“It’s the dumbest thing I could think of, so of course you have it as a plan.” You squeeze his shoulders. “Steve…”

“Don’t worry; that’s an absolute last resort,” he says and stands. He wobbles but rights himself. “I have other leads, other ideas.”

“Okay. But Steve?” you say and he frowns like he knows what’s coming. You rush through it. “I know you're worried and I know you have to get to work but you're not going to save anyone if you pass out, and you are one strong breeze from toppling over. You’re all your friends have, so can you please at least take a nap?”

He seems to consider that. You know he knows you’re right, but it’s still a relief when he sighs and says, “Just a nap.”

“I’ll take care of this.” You shoo him away from the plates. “Go take my bed; the guest room isn’t set up.”

“Don’t you need a nap too?”

Steve’s joke makes you stop cold, (or, um, hot), but you crack a smile. “If you want to get me into bed, you’re going to have to do better than that.” It’s a straight lie– sometimes your fantasies are as pathetically simple as sharing a bed and being able to wrap around him like an octopus– but you want to play along. You actually make him blush, and as he runs away with a mumbled goodbye, you allow yourself to watch him go with unrepentant longing.

If only he wasn’t joking.

“Are you sure about this?”

Steve sighs and slams the trunk so hard you’re surprised it doesn’t break. The little old beater he’s ‘borrowing’ must be sturdier than it looks. When he turns to face you, you look down, already anticipating the exasperation. “Sorry,” you say.

“No, it’s…it’s fine.” He places his hands on your shoulders and you look up into weary eyes. “Trust me, I understand. I’m worried too. So just know that…that I’m the only hope my friends have, so I have to be careful.”

You put your hands on top of his. You want to reassure him that they’re all strong and capable but it’s just lip service, and he knows them better than you do. So while he likely knows that, knowing and believing are two different things. “Hey Steve…I know you don’t want to ‘drag’ me into it, but you can crash here whenever you need to.”

He smiles. “I’ll keep it in mind,” he says like a promise, hugs you tight, and takes off.

You spend the rest of the day using your nervous energy to make up the guest room and clean the house. Just in case.

“Hey.”

You almost drop your bowl and you whirl around. “Steve!” you say and dump the bowl in the sink so you can hug him. You’re mindful of your wet and soapy hands– though you doubt his dirty uniform top would mind it. He hugs you back and you are definitely going to need a shower now, but you don’t mind. Especially when he exhales like he’s deflating and leans on you. He’s surprisingly heavy, but you don’t bend against the weight.

…Much.

He lets out a weak huff that you think is supposed to be a laugh. “About that offer to ‘crash here whenever I need to…’”

You pat his back and (reluctantly) separate. “The guest room is all set up. You’re stuck with my soap and shampoo though.”

“I don’t mind that,” he says with a sly smile. Quickly, though, it disappears. “Um, sorry. Can I use your laundry?”

“Sure. Secret agent man you are, you probably know where it is.” His smile answers in the affirmative. “Good. Do you need me to do anything?”

“No, but thanks,” he says and, while he doesn’t run, he certainly walks with purpose.

And quite a bit of focus, apparently. You’ve just finished the dishes when he comes back, clean and changed. You never expected shower-damp Steve to be such a constant threat in your life and now that he is you’re not sure if you should curse it or praise it. Maybe both.

“Can I have these?” Steve asks, holding up three boxes of macaroni and cheese.

“Of course.” You turn off the faucet and dry your hands. “Want me to make them for you?”

The look he gives you can only be described as ‘pissy.’ Someone on the outside might describe it as ‘disapproving’ but you know him too well for that. “I can make macaroni and cheese.”

“Since when? I gotta see this.” You hop up on the counter and lean over to watch. “Big pot is in the cabinet right there.”

“Thanks,” he says dryly and goes about filling it up with water so it can start boiling. As he’s getting the milk and butter together, something occurs to you.

“Hey,” you say. “I could have been offering to make it for you because that’s what a good host does.”

“That’s not why you offered though.” Steve winks at you and wow. That’s so much worse/better than the emojis he sends you. Worse than that: that’s all you’re going to see in his texts from now on.

“How did you know?” You turn your head to watch the pot.

“Because I know you,” he says. Fondly. You’re sure of that part; the real question is: fond like fond-of-a-friend, or fond like getting-fonder fond?

“Well it’s not out of bounds for me to assume you don’t know how to cook. Popular media tells me all New Yorkers only have a fridge, a microwave, and maybe one counter to store their take-out menus on.”

“Well I have a fridge, a microwave, an oven, and two counters,” Steve says and pours the pasta into the pot. “One for the take-out menus, and one for food.”

“Fancy,” you ‘gasp’ in awe.

“You don’t remember it?” He turns his head to look at you but keeps stirring.

“I’ve never been to your place,” you say. “I’m not part of that cool kids club.”

Steve’s smile is a little sad– like he’s thinking about that club. You wince. “How’s it…going?” you ask, even though you’re afraid to.

“Better. I’m…I’m making progress.” He looks at the pot. “Sorry but I think it’s safer if you don’t know the details.”

“It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re being safe about it,” you say and scoot over as he comes to the sink to drain the pot.

“Like you said, I’m all they have.” Steve sets the bowl of pasta sans water in the empty sink and turns to you. He moves his hand to your other side and puts it on the counter right next to your thigh. Your stomach flips but you barely get to freak out about that when he moves his face incredibly close to yours.

“Thanks again,” he says. “For letting me stay here.”

“Anytime,” you say before you can think about it. It’s still true, at least. But Steve stays there, and stays there, and stays, but does nothing and shows no sign of doing anything. Which is…

…the right thing. Much as it hurts you to admit it. Steve is alone and scared and you are not going to take advantage, even despite the overwhelming temptation. You lean back. “You should, uh…”

He blinks and jerks back. “Right– right.”

“Before the, um…”

“Yes, thanks.” Steve goes back to making his dinner but shoots you a relieved smile over his shoulder. It’s disappointing to be so close to something and have to let it go, but you’re starting to think…maybe he’s more receptive than you previously believed. Maybe after all of this is over you’ll see if he’s as interested in you as you are in him.

Or maybe you’ll just…continue to stare from afar. And aclose. It’s a toss-up.

Though the next day you find yourself struggling with the idea of letting him go. He had insisted he rested enough and needs to head out, which is why you’re sitting in your car at the airport drop-off, currently scrambling for excuses to make him stay.

He doesn’t leave right away either. Though he does sigh and say, “I should go before the, uh, officer gets back.”

“That guy’s a dick,” you mutter. But when Steve unbelts and opens the door, you catch his arm before he’s out of reach. “Be…be safe.”

“I will.” He puts his hand over yours and lingers.

Until a loud ‘whoop!’ of a police car makes him slide it away and he gets out, grabs his bag, and disappears into the mill of travelers.

You drive away, already settling in to wait on the edge until he comes back.

A few days later you’re just getting up, shuffling to get ready for work, when you pass by the guest room and stop suddenly. Steve is lying face down on the bed, sleeping soundly, wearing only his pants. His back is covered in fading purple and the curves of his muscles catch your eyes for only a moment before you focus on those bruises, the stray cuts and small trails of dried blood that he couldn’t quite reach with the damp rag that now sits on the floor just under his dangling fingers.

You sigh and shamble back to your room to call out sick for the day.

“Ow!”

“Stop being such a baby.” You dab the area with a dry cloth. “You walked and talked with a broken clavicle; this does not hurt that bad.”

“I told you, I heal fine on my own.” Steve holds up his arm. “See? This one already closed up.”

“Great; so infection sneaks in and gets sealed in fast.”

“And then eliminated by the serum.”

You hit him with the washcloth but he leans back and laughs. You smile too, despite what a child he’s been. How can you not, when he manages to be light incarnate despite everything going on? His smile dims, but that’s reasonable. You’ve never minded his shadows, anyway.

“I know you’re a liar,” you say and gently wipe away the rest of the blood from his shoulder. “I have a patch of wet carpet from your own attempt to do this that will testify.”

He rolls his eyes. “I already apologized for that.”

“Steve. It’s not about the carpet.” You put your hand down, still holding the rag. “It’s okay to…get help, you know?”

“You help a lot.” He puts his hand on yours, and wraps his long fingers around. His eyes are…so blue, it’s almost unreal. He squeezes your hand and water from the cloth drips to the floor, but it sounds distant. You can’t look away from him. Even more so when Steve licks his lips. “I…in case something happ–”

His phone trills three times and Steve jumps up so fast he almost knocks you over. He catches you with one hand, apologizes, and runs over to check it. After staring at the screen for a few tense seconds, he inhales sharply. “I have to go.”

You throw the rag onto the table and wipe your hand on your pants. “Do you need a ride?”

“I got it; it’s probably safer if you’re not with me right now,” Steve says as he taps out something in his phone. He darts up the stairs without another word.

You barely get to clean up before he’s rushing back down, dressed, with his bag on his shoulder. You stand to toss a ‘be safe!’ at him as he inevitably runs out, but find yourself face-to-face with him. He grabs your shoulders to steady you. “When I get back,” he says, “I have something to tell you.”

“O…kay?” You can’t imagine what he has to tell you that he can’t do it right now, but it’s a good assurance nonetheless. “Don’t make me wait too long.”

He smiles. “I won't,” he promises, pulls his hat low, and slips out.

Only a couple of nights later you wake up to a large shadowed figure standing just outside your bedroom door.

“Steve?” You yawn. “Are you okay?”

“So, the captain is staying here.”

The unfamiliar voice wakes you up better than an espresso injection and you jolt up only to stare at a shadowed figure holding something out. You know what it is when you see it glint in a sliver of moonlight.

“Do not move. Do not scream.”

You clutch the blanket in a tight fist. You obey, and hope that he won't shoot you.

“Where is Captain America?”

“I don’t know,” you whisper.

“I have no patience for liars,” he says and steps forward.

“I’m– I’m not lying!” You scoot back as far as you can. “He doesn’t tell me and I– I don’t ask.”

“Hm.” He’s silent for a few seconds, during which you make a conscious effort to breathe quietly. “So you are useless, then.”

The gun clicks and you freeze. At this angle there’s no way to get cover and you don’t know if your petrified body can move anyway. Still, you try and you roll out of bed. The shot is loud and you can feel bits of plaster hit your back as you hit the floor.

“STAY DOWN!”

Steve. You curl into a ball as shots fire and something smashes into your walls. It’s cacophonous, but quick– the noise ends, though your ears keep ringing, and when heavy boots rush at you, you curl up tighter.

“Hey, it’s all right,” a kind voice says. “I’m Sam Wilson and I’m gonna help you up. Are you hurt?”

“No,” you say but as you stand you wince at a stinging cut in your back. You try not to focus too hard on the rampant destruction of your room. You’re alive, at least.

The shock is enough that you’re at the bottom of the stairs when you blurt out, “Steve,” and look around. “I heard him; where– is he oka–”

“Easy,” Sam says and leads you to the couch. “He’s fine; just rounding up some stragglers.”

“Okay,” you breathe, but there’s that pain again.

“I recognize that face.” Sam pulls out a small bag. “Where’s it hurt?”

Sam takes care of you and you try not to worry about how long it’s taking Steve to track down ‘stragglers.’ But it’s not easy to relax after a wake up like that. Or when a red-headed assassin and her blond partner are watching you like hawks. Well, one hawk. You’re more worried about the Black Widow.

“There.” Sam pulls the edge of your top back down, returning to you some modicum of dignity. “Doesn’t even need stitches.”

“Thank you,” you say and blink away sleep.

“So…” Nata– Black Widow and Hawkeye walk over to sit and stand in front of you, respectively. “How do you know Steve?”

“Um…” You know Steve never told them, but it doesn’t feel like your place. What should you say? “I–”

Your name is called by a comfortingly familiar voice and you get to your feet as he rushes in the back door, Bucky at his heels. Steve’s suit is a little dirty and his hair is messed up, but he looks fine.

You breathe for what feels like the first time as he strides up to you. “St–”

Warm.

Steve’s lips are very warm.

You know this because they are very on your lips.

As soon as you make this realization, you snap to– and you wrap your arms around him and open your mouth to his. Steve responds immediately, slipping his tongue in and holding you as close as he possibly can without breaking your back. Not that it matters, because you’re dead. You have to be. You’re dead and in some fabulous afterlife, or you’re dying and hallucinating, because this can’t really be happening.

Can it?

You both break apart, (well, at face level at least), gasping for air. You lick your lips. “That was…new.”

You’re so close to him you can practically feel his cheeks radiate warmth when he blushes. “I’m sorry, I…” He hugs you tight. “I can’t believe I almost lost you.”

You’re content to stay in his arms forever, but pointed coughing makes you recognize other people are in the room. Steve practically leaps away from you, which is fair, considering just how amused his friends are and, okay, this isn’t the first impression you would have wanted to make on his friends, but you find it hard to be upset considering Steve just kissed you.

“I cannot believe you kept this a secret from your best friend,” Bucky says, placing a hand over his heart, but he’s grinning. You know well enough from the stories Steve has told you that poor Steve is never going to get to live this down.

“How do you know he didn’t tell me about it?” Sam says. Bucky shoves him, and they start to bicker. Steve puts a hand to his face.

“I didn’t know.”

Natasha’s words still the room. She’s vaguely impressed, but…

“Successfully keeping a secret from the Black Widow.” You squint at Steve. “Is that something that goes on your resume or your tombstone?”

Steve and some of the others laugh and you feel a little less on edge. Just a little. But they talk to each other, and Steve uses the opportunity to pull you into the kitchen.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” he says, eyes darting and head moving as he looks over every inch of you.

“Fucking hell, Steve, take me to dinner first,” you blurt out, and he blushes.

But he says, “I’d like that.”

You blink. “You would?”

“Yes.” He moves in closer. “And we’ll talk about this.”

You lick your lips. “We will?”

“Yeah. Later. For now…” He pulls you into a kiss. And follows it up with even more.

Later, then.

You have plenty of time.

[erenevune]

Harry Potter and the Cursed Plotholes

So, obviously there will be spoilers for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child in this post/rant. If you have no wish to be spoiled, stop reading now and scroll away.

First off I would like to preface by saying that I've seen the play twice now so I have a pretty good idea of what happens in it. Once in London (2017) and again in Melbourne a couple weeks ago (2019), and though I own the script I haven't read yet. However I have read this lovely version of it. They took the script and wrote it as a novel without removing any of the original script and incorporating somethings in to connect the scenes ad plausibly as possible. Go read it, it's great. https://archiveofourown.org/works/7666957

Anyway, I like the play. It's fun to watch and the music and sound effects and such are amazing. Scorpius is the best and I adore him. That isn't to say I don't have major problems with the story itself. We all know there are many many many plot holes and that Rowling didn't write it herself, but she does consider it canon to the series which is annoying because it breaks rules set in the previous Harry Potter books. I have a few points I have the most issues with.

I dedicate this rant to @onehealer to whom I ranted with about this for an hour through DM's.

So firstly: Fidelius charm who?

In the final act, Scorpius and Albus can see the potters house even though it's under the fidelius charm. They've never been there before, Harry tried multple times to take Ablus it seems but was turned down, and only read about it in books at most.... does that count as them knowing the Secret? No, it doesn't otherwise people who knew the address of the home before the charm was cast they would know. It can be excused that Delphi technically was never shown to have known where the house was, only knowing they were in Godrics Hollow... which also goes with the fact that knowing the address in the future meant nothing. Imagine Voldemort pulling out a phone book to find their address and suddenly being able to see their home. It also seemed like she didn't want to go after the Potters herself, she was only there to get to Voldemort first. So that's fine.

The issue is that somehow the two boys were able to see through the charm. And going with this vein, how did Ron, Hermione and Draco see as well? Literally only Harry should be able to see the Potter home because he was part of what the charm was protecting and thus knew the Secret, even if he was only a baby at the time.

Time travel should not negate the charm, why would that work? The charm is still active in the time they currently exist in, and this is an ancient, powerful and complex spell too.

"Maybe they knew because Harry told Albus about it." Sure, that could have worked, but it doesn't. When the Secret Keeper dies, anyone who was told the Secret becomes a Secret Keeper (Because you can originally choose more than one), so when Peter Pettigrew died, at the very least Harry would have the Secret. Probably Dumbledore and Sirius too, at least. But the problem with that is that the Fidelius charm was broken the night Lily and James Potter died, thus there was no longer a Secret. How else would the location become common knowledge in the Wizarding World? There's a monument to the Potters for crying out loud. People visited to pay their respects to them. So, Albus was never told the Secret because there wasn't one any longer.

There's literally no way anyone but Harry should have been able to see the Potter home. Even giving it some rope, they shouldn't have been able to see the house until Harry points it out to them, aka tells them where it is, because it could be argued that he could technically give out the Secret, having been part of it originally, but even then he wasn't a Secret Keeper and from how I understand it, just because you knew the secret didn't give you the ability to tell anyone unless you're a Secret Keeper.

The worst part about this plot hole is that not only is it massive, the plot of the story relies on it's existence to progress. Sometimes plot holes can be forgiven, but when the story relies on their existence? Especially such an enormous one? No, just no.

(As a little aside, I just want to bring attention to the fact Scorpius and Albus somehow made their way from Hogwarts, in the Scottish Highlands, to Godrics Hollow in less than a day. That's a long way, not to mention they had no wands, no food, no money, no sleep, no warm clothes and probably not wanting to risk talking to any wizards for fear if changing the timeline or accidently finding a Death Eater. There's also the fact Scorpius had just been Crucio'd at least 3 times in the last hour. Kudos to Scorpius for managing to get there with Albus, hot damn.)

Second, Wtf Albus?

Seriously, wtf. Don't get me wrong, I do like Albus but he's definitely a spoiled/ungrateful little brat at times, with as Scorpius puts it, a chip on his shoulder.

The thing I, well I wont say hate because i do like his character but it's close enough, most about him is his decision to go back and save Cedric in the first place. Like its a nice thought, but dude, why?

Why does Cedric deserve to live more than literally anyone else Voldenort killed? What makes him more deserving of you risking everything to go back and save?

Why does a 17yr old who signed up for a tournament that is known to have resulted in the deaths of its competitors many times in it's history, deserve to live more than all those 11-17 year olds killed at Hogwarts trying to flee or fight? All the adults who fought and died in the battle? All those people killed during either war? A lot of people who died because of Voldemort didn't sign up to put themselves in danger.

If it's about some semblance of a connection, of which there really isn't any in this case, what about Fred? Your uncle? Someone your uncle George probably still dies inside over? I mean he even gave up their joke shop to Ron, possibly to avoid memories of the twin brother who died?

Why does some kid you have no connection to other than his dad blaming yours for killing him when he literally had no way of knowing what the fuck was going on until he was already dead?? Why does he deserve to live more? I don't get it.

And then he blames Harry for Cedric's death like he had any chance to prevent it? Dude, seriously, he was the SAME AGE as you are now when this happened, I'd fucking like to see you do better??

Another thing I dislike is that Albus is never really able to experience the consequences of his actions and what could have happened. Because, you know, he stopped existing and Scorpius had to deal with it on his own.

There's also the way he treats Harry but I'll get to that in a sec.

Harry was doing his best, honestly he was. He sometimes seems a little out of character, but even still. I understand why he could be seen that way. We know he's under a lot of stress from his work at the Ministry, especially since it's to do with creatures that sided with Voldemort that are going missing or whatever. Then there's the nightmares involving Voldy and his scar hurting again after years of nothing. Stress, lots and lots of stress.

Then there's Albus. Harry has trouble understanding his son, he's not easy like James and Lily. Which is fine. But the problem is that Harry tries his best to reach Albus but he's never met halfway.

Albus seen my to refuse to believe anything but hero propaganda about Harry and his life at Hogwarts, and seems to have ignored literally anyone in his adult family who says differently. He doesn't seem to grasp to suffering and trauma that Harry has and grew up with, and scoffs in the face of it. Harry isn't perfect, but he's a good dad trying his best with a child who is frankly quite ungrateful.

Albus was being a little fucking spoiled brat to Harry and the poor dude was probably at his wits end with the one kid of his he didn't truly understand and who went out of his way to hate on everything Harry did and went through in his life. Like I said, Harry was under lots of stress from his job and so of course he would snap, anyone would, and say something they regret when provoked. Especially when you're trying your best to connect with your kid, even if it's not going great it's still an effort to do so, and then your kid just out and out says he wishes he wasn't your son? I think a lot of people would retort with something similarly hurtful. Harry immediately regrets it but both parties have been hurt so Albus storms off.

It's very annoying that everyone else in the play seems to be blaming Harry for Albus hating being his son and running off / running off to do something stupid. He was very obviously doing his best even though Albus was giving him nothing to work with. And for some strange reason people seemed to think Harry was in any way popular in 4th year? Like seriously people, where the fuck did that idea come from? Everyone hated Harry in his 4th year lol. Albus must be getting his info from a source as credible as Rita Skeeter if that's the case, that or every character magically, ha, forgot what really happened.

I also get annoyed at how they deal with the first alternate timeline. The first time they mess with time, Hermione and Ron never get married, Ron marries and has a son with Padma Patil and Albus ends up in Gryffindor. Harry proceeds to force a separation between the two boys for Albus safety, having been told there was a "black cloud" around his son. Of course the only person Albus hangs out with is Scorpius, and assuming events happened the same they had just jumped off the Hogwarts Express and gone missing for a bit, and assuming they had the same argument where they both say they wish they weren't the father/son of the other person, then it makes some sense what Harry does. Also, it's an alternate timeline.

But Scorpius tells Albus none of the events in Harry's life changed, so it seems like their meddling didn't change him. At all. I'm sorry, what the actual fuck? Scorpius I love you but no.

Just because the events stayed the same doesn't mean Harry personally wasn't changed in many small ways. There are people and life changing events erased from his experiences. His two best friends never got married and had kids, because Ron never got jelous over Hermione being Krums Yule Ball date. You trying to tell me that Ron and Hermione becoming different people with entirely different personalities didn't have any effect on Harry what so ever??? Bullshit. Like this was a direct and very significant change in his personal timeline and history, I refuse to believe this didn't change him. Hell, he might not even enjoy his job. Hermione isn't Minster for Magic so who knows whether the Ministry was properly freed of corruption and what polices and changes no longer exist, and what new ones might. So many little things that build up and shape someone's personal experiences and shape their personality.

I don't remember if it was ever directly addressed, but I think it was mentioned at the end of the play, but it says/implies(?) that Harry would have separated them and launched an investigation into Scorpius' parentage in the original timeline as well as the alternate one? I don't know if I believe that, and it's unclear if certain things still happened for everyone other than the boys because the changes the boys made were prevented later on when Scorpius is in the alternate universe where Harry was killed.

Another small aside, thank fuck for Scorpius. When he snapped and said something along the lines of "Oh poor little Albus Potter with his chip on his shoulder. At least your dad will always be your dad, mine won't be because everyone wants to tell me it's Voldemort. They want to tell me my poor sweet dead mother was such a monster to have a kid with him." Like damn someone really needed to tell Albus to stop whining about how apparently horrible and selfish his dad is.

Lastly, how the Time Turners function. Yes, I get these are new and one of a kind Time Turners designed and created outside Ministry regulation and designed to go back years at a time. However, it was originally established that time travel in this world with them works as a closed loop. They travel back in time because they already did. Harry survived the Dementors because he cast a patronus charm, and then went back in time to cast that charm because he already did, and if he hadn't he wouldn't have survived to go back in the first place. Closed loops.

In this however, they did actually do things that never happened. They probably even changed how Ron and Hermione got together, because it's unclear if they also prevented Albus casting the fireworks into the air above the second task declaring "Ron loves Hermione".

The only benefit of this fuckery with how Time Turners work is that it would then make sense why time travel fucks everything up so much it creates alternate timelines and alternate universes. It's still annoying that they casually fucked with how it's supposed to work but it's not as big an issue as the Fidelius charm thing. Also why did Hermione of all people keep the fucking thing??? Like I understand to an extent but seriously, and then to have such lax security on it? For fucks sake, don't you remember being 11 and getting past all the security put on the philosophers stone??!?! You might as well have put the time Turner in wrapping paper in comparison, because at least those ones had the potential to seriously maim or kill you.

Scorpius was a great character, I adore him and he was actually really well written. He's the sweetest thing and needs all the hugs. His relationship with his dad (Draco) is also amazing and a well written dysfunction of different personalities and effects of grief, but Draco loves his son no matter what and constantly tries his best. Despite my rant, I also like Albus and I adore their friendship and their dynamic. I don't mind character flaws, but sometimes they do get over the top and annoying like they did with Albus for a while there, mostly because of the way it influenced the plot.

I dont know, I probably missed shit I wanted to say and maybe got a little harsh sometimes but eh, it's a rant for a reason lol. I love the play, but once I start thinking about things that's when it goes a lot downhill from there haha.

Also Scorpius is amazing and I adore him. :)

[howtohero]

Being Stuck in a Love Triangle With Your Superhero Identity

Ah love, that beautiful, tragic, kinda pancakey (if you’ve ever been in love then you know what I’m talking about. If you don’t know what I’m talking about then you’ve never truly been in love!) thing. It fills our stomach with (live {no} oh so they’re dead?) butterflies and warms our hearts and preoccupies all of our thoughts. It can be wonderful sure, but it can also be needlessly dramatic and as with all things, superheroes do it more dramatically than anybody else. See, since superheroes have (at least) two identities, they’re sort of like two separate people. Due to the need to have two distinct identities, superheroes often try to make their superhero identities everything they want to be, attractive, powerful, hygienic, etc. Which means that their civilian identity needs to be the exact opposite: shlubby. Now, if you were a single looking to mingle, would you not rather date the attractive, muscular person who showers as opposed to Snively Joe who is none of those things? I know I would. Yet, superheroes don’t often date in their heroic identities, they usually only use that form to save the day and fly away. (It’s almost like it doesn’t matter if they’re attractive and have good posture and that there’s a clear misplacement of priorities here.) So what often happens is that Joe Nevershowers develops a crush on a reporter or a ukulele player but that hard hitting ukulele player has no interest in Pick-a-Nose Joe and instead has set their sights on Slovenly Jovenly’s alter-ego, Hatman, or whomever. Hilarity ensues.

So, what we have here is a classic love triangle. Person A likes Person B who instead likes Person C because Person C is better than Person A in literally every way. They can fly. That’s better than walking. Only here instead of there being two people in “competition” both Person A and Person C are really the same person. So logically there shouldn’t be any problem. The two people like each other! Only one person doesn’t know it. And also, the version of the person that the other person likes is a version of that person who isn’t really a person at all and thus can’t go on excursions and dates and whatnot. So, to sum up, the other person like the undatable version of that person. Rough times. 

You can’t date anybody in your superhero identity, that would negate the entire purpose of having a secret identity to begin with. That’s like becoming a doctor just so you can get people sick. Sure, you’re technically giving yourself more work, in both cases you now have more people to save, but it definitely seems counterintuitive. But you like this person, and they technically like you right? This could definitely happen, there might just be a future here. You just have to get schemey first. Start meeting up with your crush in your superhero guise. Perhaps they’ve got a job that’s valuable to a superhero. If they’re a journalist you can make it seem like you’re trying to give an exclusive interview. If they’re a ukulele player you can tell them you want a killer ukulele solo on the new version of your theme song. Then, when you’re hanging out with your crush, who definitely thinks you’ve already asked them on a date, start talking about your secret identity. Be like, “Hey, I’ve got this friend, Cool Guy Joe, he’s so cool. He’s probably the best person in the world. Everything I know about being handsome and good at bowling I’ve learned from him. Did I mention he’s single?” This might seem very off-putting at first and indeed your crush might not respond at all. They might think you’re being really weird. And they’d be right! You are being weird. Just ask them out like a normal person you weirdo. 

This is an especially bad way to go about things because there’s literally zero chance of you succeeding. Best case scenario, your crush agrees to meet your friend Bad-Breath Joe, the two of you hit it off, but now they expect you to be friends with super-you and you have to somehow perpetuate that lie. Possibly through the use of clones or holograms. Middle case, they agree to meet Joey Macaroni Face solely in an attempt to get closer to super-you. Worst case scenario you alienate them completely and you’ve lost your chance.

Now, here’s what you really do. You date them, as a superhero. See, the only reason we don’t want you dating as a superhero is because it opens up your loved ones to supervillain attacks, but if the supervillains don’t know then what are they going to do? Guess who your loved ones are? I don’t think so. In fact, supervillains are so aware of this superhero tactic that they rarely even bother with trying to identify superhero’s loved ones. It turns out that superheroes don’t want anybody to die so any random chump on the street can be kidnapped and used as leverage against a superhero. So if you start dating somebody as a superhero most supervillains will (probably) think the entire thing is a big misdirection stunt. After all, why would you so openly and brazenly dangle somebody in front of them. It must be some sort of no good superhero trap. So, in the short term you should actually be able to get away with it. Now, you’re still better off going on dates somewhere away from the public eye, like the top of a famous monument or at that really chic Atlantean restaurant King Water Breather told you about. When you start your relationship be sure to make a comment about not being exclusive, this way they can still date Trash Bag Joe. As you date them take stock of things they like, things they don’t like, what kind of love language they have. (This is actually just good dating advice, even if you’re not scheming your significant other.) Then you can use that knowledge to impress them as Joey Can’t-Dance. Also maybe take a shower without your costume for once. And do something with your hair. It looks weird. I don’t even know what you were going for there. Like, is it a reverse mohawk? Is that what you’d call it. It’s not quite large enough for it to be you balding and it’s not thin enough to just be a regular part. What’s going on there? Where’s the rest of your hair? It doesn’t look like that when you’re a superhero, do you have like a strip of hair you put there when you put on your costume? Do you wear a wig? Gosh dude you’re so weird. 

With any luck Joe Who? will land his dream date and you’ll be flying high in both of your identities. Everything will be going to smoothly until... oh no... what’s this? A flyer for the Annual Intrepid Reporter/Amateur Ukulelist Ball Which Yes By The Way Is Definitely A Real Thing???? Gasp. Well, we all know how this story goes. Person B asks Person C to go to the ball with them but Person C, the supposably undatable version of you who has become a version of you that is actually a datable person, claims that he can’t attend this event, as he has an aversion to dancing. So Person B is left with no option but to invite Person A, the worsened version of the person. The version of you that is Person A gleefully accepts, and casts some crass aspersion at Person C (who, as we know is just another version of himself) to make yourself look better. But then, what’s this? Person C comes back into the picture, apparently this version of the one person we’re referring to has miraculously gotten over his aversion to dancing. He has made the conversion to a dancing version of the person. (Wait what, why would you do that to yourself?) Luckily Person B happens to have three tickets to the Ball, she was going to invite her Uncle Stu who loves dancing, but screw that guy. So now, without telling Person A, or Person C, who are in actuality two versions of the same person, Person B now has two dates to the Ball. Two dates who are the same person. (Again, there was no reason for you to do this to yourself.) So now both of you have to run around switching clothes and pretending to get drinks or going to the bathroom in order to just continue to dance with each other.   

Eventually though one of you will get caught. Probably you, if you wanted to expose your crush for two-timing at the dance you wouldn’t have gone to the dance as both versions of yourself in the first place. Your crush will be horrified and angry and confused (mostly confused about why you would manufacture this “two dates to the prom” situation in the first place instead of just going to the dance with them as one version of yourself) and will definitely storm out, leaving you alone. Now, this might seem like the opposite of what you want but I bet you’ll find that, in trying to court them, you actually learned a lot about what you want in a relationship. While taking stock of what they liked and disliked and how they expressed love you learned more about yourself and what you like and dislike and want out of a relationship. And who better to provide those things for yourself than yourself! In trying to chase after one person from two different perspectives you learned that the only person you really want to romantically pursue is yourself, and that the only person you want romantically pursuing you... is yourself. And that’s beautiful. 

Thus, as with all great love triangles, the best result can be achieved by removing the middle party. Person A realizes that their ideal version of love lies not with Person B but with the version of themselves that Person B loved, Person C. So, now that Person B has blocked both of your numbers and has issued to restraining orders against you, you can finally pursue happiness, with Person C, who is just another version of yourself. Love triangles are tedious, especially when they’re with yourself, but the end result can be a love more powerful than any love you have ever known before. Self love. Happy Valentines Day, go on an elaborately schemey date with yourself! 

[aion-rsa]

Deathloop Proves Incredibly Flawed Games Can Still Be Masterpieces

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Deathloop‘s initial reviews have everyone buzzing about this timed PS5 exclusive from developer Arkane Studios (the team behind modern classics such as Dishonored 2 and Prey), but I’m a little worried that the positive buzz surrounding this game is going to give people the wrong impression about what kind of experience it actually is.

When a game starts getting perfect scores, it’s tempting to start telling yourself it must be perfect. Well, no game is perfect, and Deathloop is one of the most imperfect major games I’ve played in quite some time. It’s loaded with obvious shortcomings that will surely chase people away from its inherently divisive core gameplay.

Yet, I too am convinced that Deathloop is a masterpiece not just in spite of its flaws but, in some strange ways, because of them. Because a score can give you the wrong impression about why Deathloop is great, let’s take a slightly deeper look at this game’s problems, greatest qualities, and the strange relationship between the two that shows you just how rare a game like this really is.

Deathloop’s A.I. Is Shockingly Bad

The core of any immersive sim’s gameplay is the thrill you get from finding different solutions to complex problems. Do you go in guns blazing to show off your arsenal and abilities, or do you use stealth, hacking, and subversion to find a more subtle solution? That thrill of finding the perfect path forward (or even just your preferred one) is what makes games like Deus Ex, System Shock 2, and BioShock the classics they are. 

Sadly, Deathloop’s terrible A.I. limits the moment-to-moment appeal of its immersive sim gameplay. Enemies will regularly walk straight into their death, ignore bodies dropped inches behind them from great heights, and generally refuse to use even basic combat techniques to try to slow your progress.  

Deathloop’s woeful A.I. rarely inspires you to find those creative solutions that should define these types of games. You can still approach a situation however you’d like, but you’re rarely left with the feeling you’ve just found and executed the perfect plan since you’re pretty sure just about any plan would have been good enough to topple this game’s hapless goons. 

Deathloop Tries Too Hard to Hold Your Hand

Deathloop is a pretty complicated game built around a fairly unique premise. As such, I can certainly sympathize with developer Arkane’s decision to frontload the game with quite a few tutorial screens designed to explain the basics. 

Still, it feels like there was a better way to explain this game’s core concepts without relying on a series of screens filled with tiny text. For a game that does such a great job of subtly relaying nearly every other bit of information while letting you figure things out on your own (more on that later), it’s odd that Arkane chose to rely on such a conventual, straightforward, and often frustrating method of delivery. 

In fact, the somewhat sudden way this game pivots from guided gameplay to encouraging you to find organic solutions to complex problems might be too much for some and ultimately negate the good intentions of the title’s opening hours. 

Deathloop Doesn’t Feel Like a Next-Gen Game

Most people knew that the Covid-19 pandemic and global supply shortages were going to slow down an already slow next-gen transition process. We probably won’t start seeing a steady stream of “true” next-gen games until later in 2022, and I understand why that’s the case. 

That being said, I’m not sure Deathloop is entirely “worthy” of its current PS5 console exclusivity (the game is also available for PC). Aside from a few Dualsense features and quicker loading times, Deathloop feels like a game that probably could have been ported to the PS4 without sacrificing its best qualities. 

Considering how hard it is to find a next-gen console, I feel like this game probably should have been developed for PS4 and PS5. Microsoft may eventually offer some kind of backward compatibility once Deathloop comes to Xbox, but this title’s few obvious next-gen features aren’t a good enough reason to limit its initial reach. 

Deathloop’s Time Loop Is One of the Best In Video Game History

You probably know that Deathloop is a time loop game, and, thanks to a surprising number of new entries into that formerly niche genre, you probably know that means Deathloop is designed to make you repeat the same time period over and over again until you break the loop. 

However, you’ve got to play Deathloop to appreciate just how great its time loop really is. In fact, the way that Deathloop uses the time loop concept to slowly unravel its initially bewildering plot and enhance your understanding of what is possible in this game may just make it the best example of time loop design in video game history. 

I’ve already heard some say that having to repeat Deathloop’s basic structure over and over again starts to feel “grindy,” but in my experience, but there was honestly never a time when I felt too disappointed to start the loop over as doing so usually opened up exciting new opportunities or at least allowed me to learn from whatever mistake I just made that triggered the most recent reset.

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Deathloop’s Assassinations Are Some of the Most Satisfying Logic Puzzles Since Portal

While Deathloop’s poor A.I. makes battles against its basic enemies feel…basic, the battles against the game’s Visionaries (your “boss” targets) combine the best elements of Portal and recent Hitman games to form the most satisfying logic puzzles you’ll ever experience. 

Identifying your target and finding not just the perfect way to kill them but the perfect way to kill them that then allows you to seamlessly move on to the next target with enough time to spare is quite simply one of the greatest experiences I’ve had in a video game in the last 15 years. The number of possible ways to kill an individual target is bested only by the number of possible ways to kill every target in one perfect run.

It’s an approach that leads to a nearly infinite series of “aha” moments that never fail to provide the motivation you need to work your way through one more loop. 

Deathloop Brilliantly Repurposes the Best Qualities of the Roguelike Genre

At first, I was a little worried about Deathloop’s item rarity, skill finding, and progression/regression mechanics. During those early stages when the game is trying to explain so much to you in a short amount of time, the combination of all those roguelike systems started to feel like a bit much. 

However, you eventually discover that the reason those mechanics work so well together is that Deathloop brilliantly limits how many skills, weapons, and items you’re able to readily access during each loop. The result is a kind of roguelike experience where you (eventually) get to have some say in what your reset looks like and how close to “zero” you really have to start from.

I love a traditional roguelike experience, but between games like this, Returnal, and Hades that challenge the idea of “starting over,” it’s been fascinating to watch developers play with the boundaries of the roguelike genre and blend that genre with other concepts. 

Deathloop’s Multiplayer is a Brilliant Idea You May Choose to Ignore

In case you haven’t heard, Deathloop features a fascinating multiplayer component that allows other players to “invade” your game by controlling Julianna: a rival who will stop at nothing to kill the player and preserve the time loop. Julianna’s unique set of abilities allows invading players to easily disguise themselves and generally make your life hell.

That’s the great and annoying thing about this feature. See, if you choose to disable player-controlled Julianna invasions, the character will still “invade” your game but will instead be controlled by the A.I. Considering this game’s A.I. problems (see above), you don’t really get to experience how brilliant this concept is until you enabled the multiplayer component. 

At the same time, the “griefing” nature of this invasion system means that many people are going to find it to be quite annoying and even detrimental to the overall experience. I feel like this problem could have been solved by a stronger A.I. version of Julianna who comes closer to representing the challenge offered by human players without being quite as frustrating. 

Deathloop’s Incredible Environmental Storytelling Enhances a Sometimes Weak Narrative

Most of Deathloop’s storytelling is done through audio files, environmental clues, computer exchanges, and…well just about everything other than cutscenes and character-to-player dialog exchanges. Anyone who is familiar with Arkane’s previous works (most notably Prey) will be familiar with this basic approach. 

Arkane’s familiarity with this complicated form of storytelling generally results in some of the cleverest and most unexpected bits of narrative design I’ve ever seen, even by this studio’s lofty standards. It’s amazing that Arkane left it up to the player to discover so many vital plot points and character development moments, but that approach ultimately enhances the thrill of finding that one bit of information that puts every other piece of the puzzle in place.

However, the game’s brilliant approach to storytelling doesn’t entirely disguise the weakness of the overall narrative. I won’t get into spoilers here, but once you realize that Deathloop’s plot is more about the little moments and the journey rather the destination, you start to get the feeling that there was a more interesting overall story here that the developers just didn’t quite deliver.

Deathloop Isn’t For Everyone, and That’s What’s Great About It

Developer Arkane Studios has been criticized in the past for making a specific kind of game that rarely meets sales expectations. Some have wondered whether or not Arkane would be better off making at least a few concessions to the preferences of wider audiences just so they could help ensure that they’re able to continue making at least some kind of version of the games they make so well. 

Between Deathloop’s PS5 console exclusivity, Arkane-style design, and the fact it’s hard to even offer a basic description of the experience without getting into spoilers, I highly doubt that this is going to end up being a long-term best-seller or even just the studio’s best-selling game to date.

However, that’s kind of what makes Deathloop so great. Nearly all of the problems in Deathloop can be attributed to Arkane’s desire to focus on the things they do so well and not worry so much about whether or not someone who doesn’t really enjoy what this title is fundamentally going for is going to take a chance on it. 

I can’t speak to what would have happened if Arkane tried to make a few more changes for wider audiences or even just worked harder to break free of their bad habits, but what I do know is that they came up with a brilliant idea for a game and made that brilliant idea work despite the fact that it could have so easily fallen apart at any time. 

In a world where nothing is perfect, it’s hard to withhold the masterpiece label for something that somehow manages to get everything right. Like many of the most innovative and greatest games before it, Deathloop was made by a team of people committed to getting their biggest and best ideas right above all else.

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It’s easy enough to see how Deathloop could have been a better game, but I’d rather be left with a series of nitpicks acquired in the pursuit of something original than another perfectly fine Triple-A game that ultimately justifies its existence through sales figures alone.

The post Deathloop Proves Incredibly Flawed Games Can Still Be Masterpieces appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[xxxdragonfucker69xxx]

Monomyth

A character distributes their weight (5 points) among seven Archetypes, governed by the seven astrological bodies. The Sun is Hero, for matters of virtue and the heart. The Moon is Trickster, for all stealth, deception and shenanigans. Mercury governs the Wanderer, Venus the Lover, Mars the Warrior, Jupiter the King and Saturn the Sage. Each Archetype in which a character has at least one rank can additionally divide that many ranks in Skills, defined by the character themselves. Making a roll consists of rolling dice equal to their rank in the Archetype, plus autosuccesses equal to applicable Edges.

In addition to these standard rolls, a character receives several Feats to enhance her actions. The precise number thereof depends on their Might, which starts at 2 and goes to 12. They receive that many Legendary, Epic and Mythic Feats. Feats can be used to enhance a normal action, or they can be used by supernatural miracles. A Legendary Feat adds a single success, an Epic Feat adds successes equal to the character’s Might, and a Mythic Feat adds that many successes squared. These also apply to miracles that use Feats; a miracle could use a Legendary Feat and only get a single autosuccess, or the same character using the same miracle could get (Might) extra successes. (This notation follows d19 convention; dice rolls are [number], while flat values are (number).) A character’s Legendary Feats refresh every scene, their Epic Feats refresh every session, and their Mythic Feats only refresh every story.

Miracles are special powers dependent on the Aspects. Anyone can use a Miracle if they have at least 1 point in its Aspect, and a Miracle always trumps mundane actions or obstacles. Opposed Miracles roll their attendant Aspects.

Mortals, extras, NPCs who are not miraculous enough to invoke the supernatural do not use these rules. They mostly get a single success for anything they could be expected to succeed at, with set dice pools for tasks they’re specialized in.

EDGES

Each Aspect comes with a certain kind of Edge involved. These may be bought at creation, or granted by certain Miracles. They may also be obtained naturally, but until the character pays XP to raise the relevant Edge and bind it to themselves, it just serves as stunt fodder. Edges are always linked to the relevant Archetype but may also be linked to other Archetypes or Aspects, serving as a source of Feats for that Aspect, sometimes with other bonuses. Total Edges cannot surpass the relevant Archetype. A point in an Edge may grant a Legendary Feat, two points an Epic Feat, and a similar scale for other bonuses to uses of the provided Feats.

Hero: Virtues

Virtues represent causes or beliefs that comprise the character’s identity, and can be used to resist mental attack or generally reinforce actions drawing from those Virtues.

Trickster: Tricks

Tricks are disguises or setups which allow the character to reveal that whatever just happened didn’t actually happen, and was actually this other thing all along!

Wanderer: Sancta

Sancta are safe places that give the character something they need: shelter, food, information. They usually require that the character be in them to benefit from them.

Lover: Companions

Companions represent pets and sidekicks who are capable of acting on their own or reinforcing the character’s own skills. They often offer the chance to substitute for other Aspects or opportunities impossible with a single character.

Warrior: Weapons

Weapons are meant to be used for conflict, even if not necessarily combat. A frying pan is stunt fodder if it’s just for cooking, but a Weapon if it helps in cooking competitions.

King: Support

Support represents favors you can command or demand from people you know, usually not other characters but people in the background and offscreen.

Sage: Skills

Skills represent the one thing a character is just really good at, for whatever reason. Not things like fighting or talking, but maybe firefighting or talking to children.

HERO MIRACLES

Sense Evil: Sense if anyone is planning to hurt you right now

Dramatic Speech: Grant a Feat to someone else

Pure of Heart: Perfectly resist a mental attack (Epic+)

Heroic Willpower: Get back up after a finishing blow (Mythic)

Channel Virtue: Get Legendary Feats out of a Virtue (Epic+)

Deep Bond: Act as a Companion for someone else

Holy Smite: Deal extra damage to something with opposing Virtues

TRICKSTER MIRACLES

Just Kidding: Take back something you said

Bavarian Fire Drill: Gain temporary Support, though you have to escape consequences later

Friendly Fire: Redirect something to someone else at random

Doppelganger: Appear as someone else

Black Hat, White Hat: Cause two characters to come into conflict

With Catlike Tread: Do something unseen

Disapparition: Leave the scene without being observed

Cross My Heart: Lie perfectly

Murphy’s Law: Something that can go wrong does

Outside the Box: Reduce the efficacy of Miracles that penalize you

Cover Identity: Establish a Trick as a persona that has its own stats, and assume that persona by spending that Trick’s Feats

WANDERER MIRACLES

Fastest Man Alive: Outpace anyone else who doesn’t use this Miracle

Flash Step: Instantly move to anywhere you can see

Water Walk: Move without falling through water, disturbing snow, etc.

Master Key: Open a lock, trap, binding or seal

Always Coming Home: Fit in no matter where you are

Opening the Way: Momentarily connect a doorway to a Sanctum (Epic+)

Lodestar Reckoning: Always know how to return to one of your Sancta

Hermit Crab: Temporarily claim a place as a Sanctum, for no more than a week. You must leave it after that time (Epic+)

Rainbow Bridge: Enter a spiritual realm such as the home of a god or the realm of dreams (Epic+)

LOVER MIRACLES

Cupid’s Arrow: Inspire an emotion in someone

Below the Belt: Perfectly manipulate someone as long as you use something they care about (Epic+)

Give and Take: Demand something in exchange for something, perfectly (Epic+)

Man’s Best Friend: Gain an animal Companion (Mythic)

Sexual Healing: Help someone recover, physically or mentally

Danger Sense: Be aware when one of your Companions or friends is in danger, and where they are

Reading the Room: Be aware of how anyone in sight feels about others, or how people feel about someone in sight

Heart’s Desire: Know what someone wants most

Sublime Performance: Put on a show (music, dance, speech, etc) so compelling that anyone who sees it is hypnotized and enthralled

Inspiration of the Muse: Let someone use your stats instead of theirs

WARRIOR MIRACLES

Lethal Weapon: Kill someone or destroy something (Mythic)

Unbroken: Survive a finishing blow (Epic+)

Berserker: Gain bonuses depending on how wounded you are

Knuckle-Cracking Show: Intimidate someone into backing down

Bullet Time: Act twice in a row (Epic+)

Fated Strike: Guarantee success in a combat round

Heavenly Ladder Style: Get a temporary +1 Weapon from the scenery

Iron Lotus: Attack multiple people at once

No Sell: Become invincible to attacks until you attack (Epic+)

Battle Cry: Enemies must resist or flee (Epic+)

Second Wind: Heal yourself (Epic+)

Scarred Over: Once you have been damaged by something, you cannot be hurt by it again while that wound remains (Epic+)

Lifting the Sky: Perform any feat of strength, or overcome the strength of anyone else (Mythic)

KING MIRACLES

Stonewall Jackson: Bring your whole party back to the fight

Take a Stand: Negate someone’s attempt at social influence

Power of the Purse: Evoke Support that doesn’t really apply, drawing on their resources

Human Chess: Change what your Support is from

Champion the People: Evoke your Support in combat (Epic+)

Judge’s Wisdom: People cannot lie to you, though they don’t have to tell the truth

Guards! Guards!: Summon a small group of NPCs

Sanctified Oath: Bless a promise or contract so it can’t be broken, including by yourself (Epic+)

Commandments: Speak a law that supporters must obey or be cursed (Mythic)

Provide for the People: Ensure that your supporters have enough to eat (Mythic)

Fisher King: Link yourself to your supporters, so you always know their opinion and so you are protected if they love you

SAGE MIRACLES

Just As Planned: Retroactively negate an obstacle by having planned for it

Listen to Teacher: Grant someone a bonus after instructing them

Jack of All Trades: Gain a point in a Skill you don’t have (Epic+)

Gut Instinct: Know the answer to a yes or no question (Epic+)

Art of War: Apply your Skills to combat, no matter what they are (Epic+)

If I Remember Correctly: Come up with a fact which doesn’t contradict previously established lore

Loremaster: A Skill involving information lets you know anything anyone knows about it; you know everything there is to know about History or Science or Anime Trivia.

Reading People: Ask something about a person and know the answer

Improvise Madly: Gain a bonus according to how hard an uncontested roll is

Prognostication: Know whether or not something is a good idea (Epic+)

Query the Universe: Ask a question about anything and know the answer (Mythic)

Monomyth started as.....jesus, i dont remember. an exercise in writing subtle powers (i used to be way big on flashy elemental stunts)? i think i made this around when heros journey was announced and i was real excited. the original version also had the equivalent of scion APPs but that made it literally just a weird scion homebrew so. bye to that

even as it stands most of these powers are mostly ripped from other games like godbound or the modern magician (though i guess that one doesnt really count as stealing). overall i would deem this a failure, though maybe the one redeeming aspect is using feats to pace power usage

[septembersung]

Looking at the posts I’ve accumulated so far for #500 reasons and counting, I realized I need to frame the various subjects I’m tackling. I’d rather post more quotes than original posts, but the trouble with a complicated history like the Reformation (and the internet in general) is taking things out of context causes problems. To do this right, we need a clear conceptual framework in which to lay those quotes (and my inevitable commentary on them). So while in my first post I talked about where I’m coming from personally, in this post, call it intro 2.0, let’s lay out some history and approach parameters.

Let’s get the approach parameters out of the way first: 

A) I’m trained in theology, not history, and I’m blogging about this as someone learning, not an expert. B) please charitably correct me (with sources!) if I get something wrong, but C) we should go into this realizing there’s a lot of room for disagreement (as you’ll see if you finish reading this post). D) I always try to represent the source I’m summarizing/working from accurately. That means: D-1) if you disagree with something I say, let’s first go back to the source and make sure I’m conveying it as they said it, and D-2) A good debater should understand the opposing POV so well that they can word their opponent’s argument to the satisfaction of their opponent. If I misrepresent an argument, it is not intentional. Please bring it to my attention and we’ll work it out. 

That said, now we can talk about bias. If we’re going to talk about the Reformation, its causes and effects, how it influenced our civilization and still affects people today - even, yes, all those pesky theological “details” many would say no one cares about and don’t matter anymore! - then we need to ask some pointed questions: Just what do we mean by the Reformation? Whose version of the Reformation and its legacy is correct? What exactly is it, septembersung, that you’re taking issue with and arguing against?

Well, if you ask three historians “what happened,” you’ll get thirty answers...

To a large extent, Catholics, Protestants, and secular historians tell the story of medieval Christianity (i.e., Catholicism) and the Reformation differently. Extremely differently. (There is a lot of overlap in some areas between Protestant and secular approaches, however.) You might think that “facts are facts,” but history isn’t primarily facts; history the story we tell ourselves about facts as we know them. Sometimes an assumption, or a “fact” that’s actually false, or a matter of opinion, or disputed, gets enshrined as truth, embedded in how the subject is approached and handed down, and then everything from that is skewed. (This is an exceptionally important point we will come back to frequently.) 

Everyone has a bias; this is unavoidable. In this context, bias means “where you stand to see the rest of the world.” Everyone has to stand somewhere. What’s important is to be able to identify your bias and see how it affects the story as you’ve received it and as you tell it. And, equally importantly, to differentiate bias, a fact of being an individual human person, from prejudice, which in this context means unfair and probably incorrect negation of a point of view you don’t share. An illustration of the difference: A secular, that is, non-believing, historian writes a history of the Reformation. Their bias is that they are not Christian, neither Catholic or Protestant. Their prejudice is shown in privileging the Protestant side of the story. To pick just three examples of how that prejudice could play out: using slurs against Catholics, the Church, and Catholic beliefs; accepting Protestant claims about Catholicism and Christian history a priori, as factual premise, without investigation or explanation; taking it for granted, as an accepted truth that does not need proving, that the Reformation did the world a favor. Here’s the kicker: this is not an invented example, but a summary of a large swath of writings on the Reformation.

As you know, I’m Catholic; that’s my bias. You should ask yourself: what’s yours? Do you know how it affects what you’ve been taught and the way you perceive history and the world around you? What prejudice might you be participating in that you don’t even realize is a prejudice?

(Sidebar: In addition (and related to) to the bias issue: intense specialization and the ways history as a whole is conceived and taught has led to such an overabundance of “facts” and narratives, particularly about this stretch of history, that there is little cohesion, and simply so much that trying to get a handle on the big picture can be completely overwhelming. You can drown in data and never learn a thing. (I always picture a cartoon child opening a stuffed closet and being buried in toys.) There’s a super good, though technical, layout of this problem in the introduction to Brad S. Gregory’s book The Unintended Reformation: How a Religious Revolution Secularized Society. I’m going to talk about that book a lot.)

The takeaway so far should be: the story of history that we receive varies by which community we’re in and which community delivered the story to us. I am not arguing that no objective truth about the matter exists. Quite the opposite: the first step to finding the truth is recognizing that what has been uncritically accepted as fact is an interpretation based on unreliable ideas. What I would most like to show my readers through this project, especially my Protestant readers, is that the reality and significance of the Reformation has been greatly misunderstood across the majority of communities. It’s pretty unlikely you’ll read my posts and come away deciding to convert to Catholicism. What is possible, and I hope it will happen, that you’ll walk away with a different understanding of Catholicism itself and Protestantism’s role the last 500 years of Christian history.

(Important sidebar: “Protestants” and “Protestantism” can only ever be a generalization. Not only do the vast number of denominations disagree with each other about Christian doctrine, on points big and small, but they have different biases, different understandings of history, different views of Catholicism - you get the idea. Whenever we use the term “Protesant/ism”, we should be aware that is a generalization.)

With all that said: here is a simplified summary of the story of the Reformation as popularly understood. What does that mean? It means this summary doesn’t cover everything, but it does encompass the broad spectrum of “not-Catholic” opinion, including both Protestant and secular views, which vary from each other and among themselves. And, of course, scholars and academia tend to acknowledge more nuance and complexity in the events of history than non-specialists. I spell this out to avoid tiresome arguments that I’m setting up a straw man or objections like “but I don’t believe that/all of that/that in that way,” etc. So as I said: the broad gist of the Reformation story as popularly understood by much of the world today:

The Catholic Church was pure institutionalized corruption. The hierarchy and religious lived immoral lives and oppressed the lay people. The Church was unChristian in deep and significant ways that were harming people. When Luther (et al) realized this, and that what the Church taught as religious truth was just a means of perpetuating its control and corruption, they got up and pushed, and the whole rotten structure came tumbling down. Suddenly the common people had access to the Bible, Jesus, real catechesis, spiritual and political freedom, genuine community, and (to use the modern terms) freedom and agency. There was some resistance, but the populace more or less welcomed the Reformation and joined in enthusiastically. The Reformation was a movement who’s time had come. With the suppression of “priestcraft,” superstitious practices and beliefs, and man-made ritual, the accumulated debris of centuries of ”Romish inventions” was swept aside and Christianity was given a clean slate. With this demolition of the Church, thus (believers would say) true, original Christianity triumphed; all the excess (at best) and demonic distractions (at worst) that led people away/separated people from Jesus was gone. With the demolition of the Church, thus (some believers and the vast majority of secular analyses would say) the road to modern society was paved: separation of church and state, the triumph of the thinking mind/rationality/logic over and against the deadening religious/organized religion influence, the growth of the sciences, freedom, tolerance, pluralism, etc.; the goods and wonders of the modern world exist because the iron grip of the Church was broken. Shedding the past launched us into the future. We’re lucky it’s over and done with and not relevant to us, in our secular society, anymore.

There’s just one problem with this narrative: it’s almost entirely wrong. 

That’s a large chunk of what I’m taking issue with and arguing against.

I can’t guarantee this tag is going to be particularly organized or exhaustive - I decided to do this just a few days ago and, despite being a fast reader, can only cram in so much - but I’m going to examine these kinds of claims (in their originals, please note, not from my general gist summary) through my own writing and through sharing the content of scholars and writers more qualified than myself, to argue for a contrary thesis: Not only is that understanding of Catholicism and Christian history factually incorrect, but the Reformation was not an organic, welcomed event/process but rather a violent uprooting of a strong, loved religious tradition and past that cut Christians off from their heritage, fragmented and splintered society, blew the foundation out of Christendom (society as Christian society,) putting Western civilization on the road to society’s secularization, the marginalization and oppression of religion in the public life, and opened the door to the moral, rational, and political chaos we know today. I will absolutely address issues like “but wasn’t the Church corrupt?” but to a certain extent I don’t think that’s actually helpful until some of the fundamental falsehoods in what is generally assumed about the Reformation have been examined. In addition, as we follow the ramifications of the Reformation down the centuries, we’ll get to talk about politics, American exceptionalism, Dracula and turn-of-the-20th-century English culture (it’s amazingly relevant), and - my personal favorite - iconoclasm and incarnation.

I highly recommend reading Karl Keating’s short article “Not a reformation but a revolution.” (Quotes are coming.) He says it better than I do.

The queue starts tomorrow, Sunday October 1st!

[paragon-yoshi]

My feelings on the Pokemon Anime!

Taken from my DeviantArt journal.

Long ago, I asked various people on what is so great about the Pokemon anime. The main one with Ash as the (never dying/quitting) protagonist. I enjoyed it as a kid for some time. But as I grew up, I learned to hate it. It's such a nonsensical mess... And yet people love it to bits, for some incomprehensible reason. In fact, if there were to be a movie scene to describe, how incomprehensible this is to me... The "Ass Movie" scene from Idiocracy would be a perfect fit. (Go look it up yourself. It shouldn't be hard to find on YouTube. ;) ) With everyone loving it, but me as the only one who can't believe the people around myself. So I tried to understand, why people like it so much. Because I seriously can't understand how grown up people can enjoy such a trippy, random mess of events. Especially Pokemon-Fans, considering the Anime is a very poor representation of the Pokemon-games... So I asked around... It's been a while, since then. But the people I asked seem to agree with some of the criticism the anime receives. But they don't mind it too much. The good things the anime has is enough for them to enjoy. Or they find Ash an interesting character to follow, despite how much the writers decide to misuse him... Or it is about the better look at the world of Pokemon and the Pokemon themselves... Or to see what other forms of competitions are there in the Pokemon-World, outside of battles. I still don't agree with most of them. But if they can enjoy it, then all is good. But sadly, I can't! Despite liking the main games, I have a lot of problems with the Pokemon-Series in general. The main anime is at the top of my list! I have a VERY harsh opinion of the Pokemon Anime. One that I will share with you now. If you are sensitive about stuff like this, then you better stop reading now. You have been warned... To be fair, not everything about the anime is terrible. It does have some good things going for it. The aforementioned better look on the world, seeing what wild Pokemon do outside of battling and seeing other forms of competition, like sled races and such.

So basicly a mix of expanding upon the world seen in the games, Pokemon Wildlife Documentary and action-packed battling.

And if it were only that, I would probably enjoy it. But sadly, it has a lot of terrible things, ruining all the good stuff for me. So much, that I hate it, regardless of the things it did correct! The trippy, random things. Such as Jessie, James and Meowth constantly attacking the party with "Dr. Robotnik" machines. Them always getting blasted, giant Pokemon mimicing Godzilla, Mecha-Pokemon, men with boobs, etc. etc. This is the primary reason, why I think the story writers must be on a drug-trip, on their jobs. I can't explain why else, people would put this in a Pokemon-related thing and think of it as a good idea. It's not funny... It's CRINGEWORTHY! And more importantly, THIS ISN'T POKEMON!!! Pokemon isn't fighting Dr. Robotnik/Dr. Wily machines over and over again... Or fighting mechs in general... Or Pokemon pulling a Godzilla, growing massive and destroying entire cities... There are too much of these stupid things happening in the anime. Far more than I can count or remember... But I know one thing: THEY ARE STUPID AND HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH POKEMON!! It doesn't tell a good story or develops the main character well. Story-writing and character development is something I expect from every sort of storytelling, including animes. A good story and characters that grow, learn and develop over time, make a story compelling. But the anime story-writers completely fail at this! It is obvious to me now, that storytelling and character development was never a factor in the making of this anime. It's all about the cash-in and advertisement. Which is exactly why it's so bad! And the thing that makes it most obvious to me, that they don't really care about developing Ash as a character... Is the fact that they always push the "Reset Button" at the end of every reason, completely negating everything Ash has learned and making him start all over again in a different region. The most infuriating thing to most people, as I have seen. And I completely agree with the anger (though personally, I think there is an offense far worse than this one.). And I kinda feel sorry for Ash. I don't really see him as a bad character. Throughout most seasons, I think he had a cool design and in the anime he actually did some badass-things! It's a shame the story-writers never decided to make use of his full potential and instead use him as a cash-cow. Milking him for everything he is worth, instead of giving him closure and a strong ending. He has suffered the same fate as characters like "SpongeBob". SpongeBob was a great series and he himself a really likable character. Then the creator ran out of ideas and wanted to end the series. But SpongeBob was too much of financial success to Nickelodeon... They didn't want to lose their primary cash-cow! So they artifically extended the series, without the creator's blessing. The result was a massive loss in story and character quality. SpongeBob heavily deteriorated as a character, as a result! And a similar thing happened to Ash. He is a cash-cow and not a true character, like a should be! One thing about making a good character, is to know when to end his/her story! Every story has an end! So giving a character a fitting end and closure, and maybe passing the torch to the next main character, is something vital to making a good character. There are a lot of anime-series who do this right and have great characters as a result! Such as "Jojo's Bizarre Adventure" or even "Digimon". (Seriously, give the Rival-Monsters a chance! Their anime-series are FAR BETTER than the Pokemon anime will ever be!) Now you have Plot-Armor... Now you don't! The powers of Ash and his Pokemon are so inconsistent... One episode he can take down the Gym Leaders with ease, or even stand toe to toe with LEGENDARY POKEMON! While in another episode he loses to someone with the stupidest of excuses! And as the series went on, they decided to come up with the most ridiculous excuses to make Ash lose and keep him around. Such as creating a random, uninteresting character with a FULL LEGENDARY TEAM!! HOW DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE?!?!? But yeah, this stupid thing adds to the point of "Bad storytelling". The anime-writers are unwilling to have any other main characters Seriously, if they gave Ash closure in the Gen 1 season and started featuring the other seasons with a main character of their own, it'd be a much better anime. Such as an anime-version of "Gold" as the main protagonist of Gen 2, May as the main character of Gen 3, etc. And speaking of May, I have to ask one thing: Why are Pokemon Anime-makers in general so against the idea of a female lead?! Seriously in every Pokemon-anime in existence (not just the Ash-Anime!), it's always the male character featured. And the female counterpart is either not featured at all or is put in a much lesser role, than she should be. Ever since Crystal, we could pick our gender. Given that, is it really so bad for a female character to be the main character for once?! The anime doesn't represent the games well at all. For instance there are so many "Canonical Errors" in this anime-series! The most annoying thing is "Pokemon saying their own names". While in actuality they are supposed to make roars and noises, similar to real-life animals! Ok, in the game-canon there are SOME Pokemon, that do this. Such as Pikachu! But most Pokemon are supposed to make grunts, cries and roars. Not to mention Pokemon constantly saying their own names IS ABSOLUTE TORTURE TO LISTEN TO! Seriously, it's one of these things that give me the idea of forcing a running drill through my ears! And it is one of the reasons, why Pikachu is my least favourite Pokemon in the series! But then there are also a lot of other things: In-game characters being totally different in the anime, story-differences, etc etc. Basicly the anime not trying to capture the games. To be fair, in some of these instances, the changes were actually good. And it felt more like the anime "taking artistic liberties", rather than failing at completely capturing the games. But most of the changes are bad, rather than good. Prime example: The entirety of the Black/White season! With Team Plasma mind controlling Pokemon, rather than trying to liberate them. It was a story-change so bad, that the Pokemon Company finally had the balls to FIRE the story-writers. (Good riddance. They belong to rehab anyways...) Too bad the new ones aren't that much better... I'm not against changes in the story. But they should be well thought out and add to the experience, rather than taking away from it. But more often than not, the changes were absolutely terrible. And the few good ones don't exactly help it. Especially with the absolute worst offense the anime has done, in my opinion... Character Bastardization and the "Fan Character Curse" This is where I get really angry at the anime! Great characters from the games, that either not exist at all in the anime (such as Krys, Brendan or Wally!) or WORSE, are heavily bastardized. The best example of character bastardization happening in the anime, is May! An unpopular opinion perhaps. But May from the original Ruby and Sapphire is one my favourite characters in the series. In the Player-Role, she is the badass-trainer you can expect her to be. And in the Rival-Role, I found her to be lovable, yet slightly tomboyish and capable. Not to mention she had a cool design in the GBA-originals! She really looked like a brave adventurer. And to this day, she has my favourite design of any Player-Character in the series. (Screw the naysayers, I love her!) Which is why I find it so infuriating, how much the anime destroyed her character! In the anime, she basicly dislikes Pokemon and only takes on the trainer-route for travelling. Not to mention she is A FREAKING WUSS in the anime! She gets scared of every little thing happening. And is absolutely terrible as a trainer! Basicly the exact opposite, as she is in the games! And ultimately she was demoted to being Ash's tag-along, when she easily could've been the main character herself! I will come back to that later... And they did it to other characters as well. Such as Dawn or Serena! Who also easily could've been the main characters, but took on a much lesser role, that didn't do them justice at all! Or Maylene, who was first depicted as being absolutely useless as a Gym Leader, only growing capable under Ash's guidance. Or Korrina, who couldn't control Mega Evolution and was rather weak, when compared to the games, where she is the successor of her grandfather, who passed on the knowledge of Mega Evolution and passed it on to you. And considering that both Maylene and Korrina were my favourite Gym Leaders in the respective Gens, it breaks my heart to see them bastardized like this. And then they make terrible OCs like Max from the Gen 3. Did anyone even like this arrogant, obnoxious little piece of sh**?! And most of these bastardizations seem to happen, to give Ash more of a presence. This is where the "Fan Character Curse" part comes into play. For those of you who don't know: The "Fan Character Curse" is a phenomenon among fan-created works, mostly FanFictions. Where said fanworks feature canon characters, but make them weak or otherwise bastardize them, in order to promote their own Fan Characters. And as a result, completely negates the achievements and strength of the official characters, in said fanwork. This may be a phenomenon happening in fan-works most of the time. But Ash Ketchum is the prime example that even official characters can be guilty of this! Because seriously, the exact same thing is happening here! Many of the in-game characters are bastardized and/or are given a much less important role than they deserve, just to promote Ash! Which is why the anime feels like a badly written FanFiction most of the time! In honestly don't have anything else to say to this. There are other strange things about the anime, such as Ash constantly having human sidekicks (including two Gym Leaders in both Gen 1 and 2!). Why does he need them again...? And considering you always travel alone in the games, at least as far as humans are concerned, it just feels strange. But this isn't really bad, just strange. In any case, this is the end of my long essay. Summary So basicly, the anime doesn't fail completely. Expanding the world, seeing the Pokemon Wild Life, more competitions outside battling and action-packed Pokemon battles, are the things it does correctly! But the Canonical Errors, bad storytelling and character development, the random BS happening and the bastardization of characters from the games, is what makes it so unbearable! In my opinion it does far more things wrong, than correct! So for me "Pokemon Origins" remains as the only good Pokemon Anime series. It may be short and cut out a lot of criticial plot-points, to cram everything from Pokemon Red and Blue into 4 episodes. But what it did deliver, didn't disappoint at all! We saw Red starting out as a weakling, but he grew as a character, became champion and even caught Mewtwo in the end. These 4 episodes of Origins succeed, where 1000+ episodes of Pokemon Main Anime fail horribly! And I recently watched "Digimon Adventures 1 and 2" again. Since I had fond memories of them as well. And unlike the Pokemon Main Anime, they still hold up today. Simply because the Digimon-Anime takes their characters seriously. They grow and develop as characters and actually are given closure and a fitting end. It tells a good story, rather than being a 30 minutes advertisement. Seriously, I recommend the Digimon Anime series. They handle their characters so much better. So please give the Rival-Monsters a chance. You might be pleasantly surprised. And that is all I'm saying today. See ya! :D

[girlsbtrs]

What are “Industry Plants” & does anyone actually know what the heck they’re talking about?

Written by Lila Danielsen-Wong. Graphic by Paula Nicole. 

The internet loves to discover new terms and find every possible way to misuse and mangle them until they don’t actually mean anything. A recent example of this is the term “industry plant.” 

A non exhaustive list of ways you will see “industry plant” used on TikTok is as follows:

An artist who has a label

An artist who has a label and acts like they don’t

An artist who got a record deal out of seemingly nowhere

An artist who only got a record deal because of nepotism

An artist who has rich parents

An artist who has industry parents

An artist who pretends to be poor

An artist who pretends to be alternative or indie

An artist who was marketed as alternative or indie and then won major awards

And my personal favorite, an artist who is just kind of kind of annoying

The internet has accused everyone from H.E.R to Billie Eilish to Clairo of being an industry plant, but what are they being accused of? What is the actual definition of an industry plant?

If you define the term based on the term itself  it is just an artist who “the industry” (ie, whatever label backing said artist has) is “planting” (or, really pushing on the public regardless of if they are what the public and general music listeners want), and the colloquial use boils down to someone who does not deserve the spotlight they are being given.  

Complex claims that there isn’t really a set definition and people’s range of understanding of the term goes from artists who are plucked out of obscurity and given a new sound and aesthetic at the direction of their record label, then jammed down the throats of consumers through avenues like playlists and radio,“ which also happens to be the definition of “artist development” and “getting signed”, and “any musician lucky enough to have a familial connection to the industry or the good fortune of financial resources as a plan”. Medium says that the “common definition” of industry plant is “an artist who has a Major/Indie Label backing their movement but presents themselves as a ‘homegrown start up’ label to create a pseudo organic following”. This is the definition I think I have seen most people in the industry use.

Both of these publications are mostly talking about Rap and/or Hip Hop, and so are most of the top search results if you google “what is an industry plant.” However, even as the term “industry plant” originated in these circles, the rest of the internet got ahold of it and has taken on a life of its own.

A big explosion of the term “Industry plant” has recently come with the band Tramp Stamps. If you’ve managed to avoid the TikTok storm, Tramp Stamps are a punk girl group that grew due to their technicolor punk-lite image. This could probably be a whole article in itself, but to keep it brief, Tramp Stamps released a song called “I’d rather die” and it came across as a little cheesy and try-hard. It felt to the Gen Z TikTok crew that they’d been pandered too, and very poorly at that. The hook of the song “I’d rather die/than hook up with another straight white guy” was quickly recognized as being disingenuous and thus the internet vultures came hard for Tramp Stamps. First of all, all of the band members are white, and one is even married to an aforementioned straight white man. Furthermore, the band’s indie status was called into question when Make Tampons Free, their label that they started, was revealed to be under the company Artists Without a Label, which is owned by a giant music publishing company. Two of the members also have deals with Dr. Luke’s (yeah, that Dr. Luke) Prescription Songs. So they’re technically independent but the layers rubbed many the wrong way. Overall, the TikTok audience just found Tramp Stamps too manufactured, especially for a band branded as punk, and the band paid for it with the combined whirlwind of being cancelled and becoming a viral trend (the trend was to destroy the band in the most savage way possible). 

Of course, there are less rabid examples. After H.E.R. won her Oscar there was a flurry on twitter and internet forums about her being an industry plant. Her father is a union ironworker, but the accusers seemed to be going more for the “how dare she be developed as an artist” route. Kanyetothe.com forum user Flyfree (who is currently banned from Kanyetothe.com) says “bitch got co-signed by Bryson Tiller (another industry plant) and Alicia Keys out of nowhere. The industry is not even trying anymore.” “Out of nowhere” is a debatable description, there are videos of  H.E.R. (aka Gabi Wilson) performing on The Today Show at age ten. The implication is that if the public doesn’t see an artist struggle to earn their success, it must have been somehow handed to them.

Furthermore, a lot of fabulous and important artists have characteristics of being “industry plants.” Lorde was signed as a preteen to a major New Zealand label, developed as an artist and songwriter by industry professionals, and then marketed straight to Soundcloud with her first EP as an indie teen. Doesn’t that exactly fit the Medium definition of industry plant? But does the fact that she was developed as an artist by a record label negate her talent or influence in the music industry?

Another example of a fabulous artist who fits in a definition of an industry plant is Willow Smith. Willow fits in the “well connected parents” definition of an “Industry plant.”  However, would the music industry really be better off without Willow Smith? One could even argue that we’re lucky that she had famous parents so that we are able to know and love her. 

One obvious thing that all of these artists have in common is that they are all women. There was a notable murmur on TikTok voicing this observation after Clairo went through her “getting called an industry plant” phase when some people figured out that her father is an executive at her recording studio. This was especially frustrating for music fans seeking sapphic artists, as this happened around the same time that fans got fed up with King Princess after she was revealed to be a Macy’s heiress and not the “resentful financial-aid kid eating Chipotle” as she was described in a New York Times article.

The thing is, it’s hard to find mega success in the music industry without connections, or at least some financial or class advantages. Writing songs may be free, singing may be free, but production equipment is expensive. Wouldn’t it figure that a good amount of successful musicians had access to some kind of music lessons growing up? Do you think that someone whose parents were willing and able to pay their rent as they pursue their dream full time would have an advantage over someone who had to work overtime to support family members. It doesn’t seem outlandish that someone who paid a reputable producer to professionally produce, mix, and master their song might find more success than someone who is working by themselves on the free version of pro tools. 

The point is, most very successful musicians fit into some definition of “industry plant:” be it wealthy parents, parents with connections in the entertainment industry, professional artist development, or a carefully curated artist story that makes it sound like they had a little less help than they did. Of course there are exceptions, but the fact of the matter is that it is easier to succeed in music with these extra boosts. However effective the term “industry plant” was when it originated to talk about rap and hip hop artists, it has been warped to include every advantage that people have that help them succeed in music. Perhaps the term “industry plant” has just become a word to voice all frustrations with nepotism and inaccessibility in the music industry. Of course, this doesn't mean that people who are successful because of these advantages aren’t talented or don’t deserve their success. After all, the reason that Willow Smith has a music career and Kim Kardashian (performer of the not-quite hit song ‘Jam’, in case you forgot) doesn’t is that all the money and connections in the world can’t make you a good artist. This just means that people are getting fed up with the fact that success comes easiest to the most talented of the wealthy and well connected, instead of the most talented of the general population. Perhaps the “calling everyone industry plants” craze is really just people trying and failing to find a way to voice this, and to find someone to blame. 

Bringing this back to Clairo and the fact that these discussions mostly only erupt around women artists, and in the case of Clairo and King Princess, queer artists. If people are trying to find someone to blame, it is not a surprise that the blame will fall on women, especially black and queer women. This isn’t a judgement on how much Clairo or King Princess deserve or don’t deserve their success, this is just to say that if you were to examine the male artists under this same microscope, the findings of wealth and privilege would be comparable. 

Overall, the term “industry plant” is vague and stretched a little thin at best, and means absolutely nothing at worst. Next time you want to criticize an artist, stop first and think about what you are actually trying to say, because just calling them an industry plant doesn’t really get any point across besides that you don’t like them. Do you just think they’re overhyped? Or does it irk you when artists pretend to be more DIY than they are? Are you frustrated with nepotism in the industry in general? Perhaps it’s just endlessly frustrating to see that successful musical artists, even very talented ones, started out with one foot (and at least one parent) in a door that you can’t even seem to find. It’s okay to feel that way, but if that’s what you want to say, just say that. If “the industry” wants to “plant” an artist, they’ll only find success if they have talent, or at least something exciting to offer; that’s why we don’t care that Lorde had label backing and development but it was a total game ender for Tramp Stamps. 

Instead of discussing if artists are “industry plants” or not, what if we focus our energy on more productive discourse, like how do we find and support small artists who are from less advantaged backgrounds? Maybe that’ll actually deal with the feelings behind this imprecise industry plant commotion.

Sources:

H.E.R. as a child: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDNL1dG2UMY 

The kinda wild King Princess article: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/03/11/magazine/king-princess-profile.html 

Clairo and her cancelling: https://www.intersectmagazine.com/post/is-clairo-an-industry-plant 

More on Tramp Stamps: https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2021/4/20/22392694/tramp-stamps-industry-plant-band-tiktok-dr-luke

Medium: https://medium.com/@ftp96/what-are-industry-plants-and-are-they-ruining-the-rap-culture-1588ebc2ce6b#:~:text=The%20common%20definition%20of%20an,create%20a%20pseudo%20organic%20following.

Complex: https://www.complex.com/pigeons-and-planes/2020/03/what-is-industry-plant/Kanyetothe.com 

H.E.R industry plant discussion board: https://www.kanyetothe.com/threads/is-h-e-r-the-latest-industry-plant.5758778/

[racingtoaredlight]

The Art of Recording

*Muscle Shoals Sound Studio

Welcome to the lab.

I credit my father for giving me insight into the world of recording, given that he did quite a bit of it professionally in his varied careers in radio, advertising, production and working on political campaigns, as well as it being one of his biggest passions.  The world of recording happens behind the spotlights, the money and the fame, but it’s THE SINGLE most crucial element in how music exploded throughout the 20th century.

In about 20 years, we have become so utterly spoiled by how easy music is to access, thinking about days where we’d burn CD’s seems as laughable as thinking about societies that existed before electricity.  We can literally pull up any music made throughout history by holding down a button on our phones and asking for it.

And absolutely none of that would be possible without the process of recording music.  A process that completely changed the way music was not only distributed to audiences, but a process that completely changed how music was conceived and created.  Not only that, but it changed the very idea of music itself...

No longer was music a temporary event, lost to time and memory.  Now, musical events were forever preserved, something that’s such a subtly gigantic, world-altering change, you’d be forgiven to realize that the art of recording sound is responsible for everything from major political scandals that rocked the nation (Nixon’s tapes) to the method for any possible communication with extra-terrestrial life (SETI and Voyager’s Golden Record).

Recorded music has changed the industry to such an extent that it became infested with thet worst aspects of capitalism, rotten to the core...and combined with the explosive rise of streamlined distribution models, has created a grotesque musical oligarchy, where virtually the entirety of Western pop music is made by likely fewer than 200 people.

However, that same model created a world where anyone with a computer or mobile phone is able to record their own music, and use these platforms to distribute it themselves to an audience that previous generations would not be able to even imagine.

But we’re not going to talk about any of that...

***

*Capitol Records Recording Studio

Pretty good setup, right?

All that shit above is all fine and dandy, but I don’t really give a shit about that.  I looooooooove recording.  Fucking love it.  I love going on tape under the pressure of having to lay something down real good.  Doesn’t matter if it’s by myself, with friends, was a concert or rehearsal, for class or for a band making a CD for promotional use...that’s the environment where my adrenaline got pumping, and I felt like I was in my element.

It was an exercise in “how can I create the best sounding environment for my playing style?”  As important as your playing and instruments are to your sound, so is knowing how to best work in a recording environment.  The more you can fit your sound into the mix, the more control you have over what ends up on tape.  And there’s an art to it.

When I’d go into a recording session, the first thing I’d do is know whether I’m going to be mic’d or go direct.  Most of the time, I went through a mic when I played guitar.  I hated the sound of guitar direct.  But I always started here because either style has different sets of variables to account for.

***

*Rudy Van Gelder’s studio

Look at those fucking ceilings!

My dad still does amateur recording for fun.  He was a Deadhead, and not just any Deadhead, but one of those weirdos that hauled like 60 lbs. of recording equipment to shows to make bootlegs for their collection.  In the 100+ shows he went to, he easily must have recorded 75% of them...which I guess Kazzy can have whenever my dad kicks it.

Funny enough, I only ever really talked to my dad about recording in either a broad sense, or looking for validation for things I did on my own.  When it came to guitar, the way I preferred to record was pretty much the same way he preferred it too, the only major difference being the distance I kept the mic from my speaker.

The only time I’ve recorded in environments with high ceilings like Van Gelder’s studio had, was when I’d record my guitar during jazz ensemble rehearsals before shows with guest artists.  Empty concert halls with fucking fantastic acoustics, and I’d simply put a condenser mic a foot from dead center of a 12″ speaker (modified Fender Deluxe Reverb) so I could get more of the room and the band.

Space and the acoustics of the room are key variables to account for when you’re recording with a mic.  But I liked that space in my sound, and when you’re recording something live...warts and all...having variables adds to the quality of the recording.  The worst sounding live albums are those that sound as dry and stifled as a poor studio session.

Rooms like Van Gelder’s or Abbey Road or Muscle Shoals are legendary because their acoustics have such identifiable sounds...and so many historic albums were recorded there...that they’re easy to pick out.  At the opposite side of the spectrum, Steely Dan often sounded extremely dry and compressed due to their creating music designed to be heard on hi-fidelity systems, rendering the room obsolete.

***

*A&M Recording Studios “Studio A”

How fucking HUGE does this song sound?  It sounds massive, full of a natural reverb that sounds 100% like it would be recorded in an environment with huge amounts of space for all those sound waves to fill up.  Even when listening through laptop speakers, you can actually hear how much space is around those recorded notes...nothing choked or compressed about them.  Those sound waves are given freedom to behave naturally in a controlled setting.

Now for the exact opposite...

*The Village Recorder

Do you see any amplifiers in those pics?  No.  The amps are fed into a soundproof box with enough room for a speaker cabinet and microphone, and that’s only when they chose not to just go direct.  There isn’t a sniff of reverb.  Where the Ozzy example sounds huge and distant, this sounds immediate and claustrophobic.

That’s not to say I think the Steely Dan version sounds bad, by any means.  It gets better the more quality system you listen to it on, but yea...it’s definitely not my preferred sound.  Steely Dan sounds so direct because so much of it was recorded directly to the board, or so close that any variable caused by the room would be negated.  Ozzy took the different approach and harnessed that huge sound of the room to enhance the musical thing him (likely his producers) were trying to create.

***

*Abbey Road

I think this is a good place to stop, even though I didn’t really intend for this to be a series or anything.  There’s just too much to tackle without this turning into a behemoth, and musical examples are better than pretty pictures anyways.

The art of recording is as much about manipulating acoustics and sound waves as music itself is, and that’s why I think it’s so fascinating.  I love the process of recording, what you can do with it and how you can change sounds, and I think it’s interesting content fodder.  If, for no other reason, than to find an aspect of some music you may be familiar with, a little more interesting.

[magneticmaguk]

Fancy Dress is For Children, Stop Wearing it in Nightclubs

Funny, isn't it, how the fears and anxieties you develop in early childhood follow you until the day you die? Well, it's less funny than utterly, abjectly, life-ruiningly awful really, but you get the point.

The things that rationally or otherwise take you out of the blissful amniotic bubble of your first few years and thrust you unknowingly and unwittingly into the pain and horror of life after the age of about six or so don't just vanish or dissipate; they fester and rot and keep you awake night after night.

Now, I know, you're reading a dance music website rather than a peer-reviewed psychoanalytical journal, but bear with me, because I'm about to join the dots between psychosocial development and clubbing.

Ever since I can remember, and who knows what pre-remembrance memories have been repressed deep into recesses of my unconscious, I've found the concept of fancy dress parties terrifying. Part of that fear, I assume anyway, stems from a moment in time that arrives when I least expect it, broadcast in crystal clear Ultra HD. I am at a fifth birthday party, dressed as a pirate. The party is taking place at the house of a childhood friend who lived on a farm. On that farm in a barn. We are playing hide and seek and I'm hiding from the seeker in that barn. The air smells like grass and fire and broken engines and I am grasping my plastic cutlass, eyes tightly shut, heart pounding. No one has come to find me yet, and so I explore the barn, taking tentative steps into the darkness. Here in the dark, my hand rests on something. That something is, to all intents and purposes, a severed head. I am shuddering and screaming and I want to be found right this second because as soon as I am found I can ask to go home, to get out of this pirate outfit, to thrust my head under the warm water of the bath, and let this day end.

Of course it wasn't actually a body-less skull. The thing that had inspired such world-changing fear was, in fact, one of those heads that hairdressers train on. Nevertheless, over two decades on, the very thought of fancy dress sends me back to that primal encounter, an encounter which left an indelible mark on my person: I will always associate the act of dressing up with a supreme sense of terror.

Yet recently this irrational fear has mingled with the horrors of the real world. In an attempt to stand out in a market that's saturated beyond belief, promoters and venue owners have to think of innovative ways to sell their club nights. With actual innovation being quite difficult to come by, we've seen a resurgence across clubland of legitimized, actual fancy dress parties.

Now, obvious point here but dressing up is an inherent part of the clubbing experience. Even the uniform that we attach to the Oceanas of this world (the striped shirt, bootcut jeans, and school shoes look) is a means of using a wardrobe for the purpose of reinvention. Nightlife lets us pretend we really are more than our jobs, whether or not that's the case in reality, and that pretence is usually rooted in a sartorial basis. In a thousand different ways, most of us find ourselves dressing up to let our hair down, weekend after weekend.

There is, however, a massive difference between dressing up and dressing up. The italicized version is an abomination, a dullards way of disguising their own lack of, well, anything. The chances are that any party you attend after the age of say, eleven, where the majority of the room are in some form of costume, whether it's Super Mario or Mario from Big Brother 9, Jean-Claude Juncker or Jean-Claude Van Damme, will be terrible. There are a variety of reasons for that.

The first is that fancy dress is a perfect signifier is the epitome of forced fun. As soon as a nightclub has to tell you to have fun any chance of actually having fun evaporates into the air, atomising alongside the stilton-scented vape-smoke.

"YOU," these clubs and festivals scream through tannoys disguised as pineapples, buoys, or medical waste wheelie bins, "ARE GOING TO HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE."

How—you shout back over the deafening din of a Patrick Topping set and the yammer of a thousand blokes dressed as Borat howling "YEAH MATE JUST NEAR THE FRONT MATE," into their phones—how are you going to ensure that I get my money's worth from another dismal day party thrown in an unusual London location that just as usual happens to be in a convention centre with a decent sized smoking area.

"WELL," the disembodied voices yell back, "YOU'VE GOT TO LEAVE THE VENUE AND COME BACK DRESSED AS EITHER FREDDIE MERCURY, CARMEN MIRANDA, OR THE ALLEGED WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE CHEAT, MAJOR CHARLES INGRAM."

I don't want to dress up as Charles Ingram or Carmen Miranda or Freddie Mercury, and I cannot begin to imagine why anyone

would

. Surely, I reason from up here in my ivory tower, being at a festival or in a club is enough fun as it is, without needing to constantly be reminded of the FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN I'm missing out on from not donning a silly wig and a pair of cowboy boots and shooting myself in the face with tequila on Snapchat. And surely I'm right. This is fun designed by committee, fun for people who need perpetual pointers as to what fun actually is.

The rise of the fancy dress party hints at a broader sociological phenomenon that's threatening to see an entire generation obsessed with negating reality via a dismal return to an imagined childhood, a sea of people doomed to a life of shitting themselves in front of old episodes of Tracey Beaker as they run their furry tongues round the sites where their now-disintegrated teeth once where—a truly devastating descent into infantilism.

Believe it or not, there is a time where childish things need to be put away, and not just printed onto a onesie or whatever the fuck it is students wear these days. Fancy dress is one such thing. Think about it: what kind of self-respecting adult actually engages with fancy dress? It'll either be some red-faced systems analyst who likes to have his own tie stuffed down his gob by a matron at that creepy school dinners place just off Oxford Street, a bloke in a panda-suit giggling his way through Rochdale town centre en route to meet the region's five other fur-fanatics, or two lads in flares shaking a leg down the front at of Magic Door.

Each of those iterations says the same thing about the costume-wearer: I am pained by the idea of existing in the present and thus willing do anything and everything I can to return to the womb. A nightclub, with all its illusions about inclusion and warmth and communality is enough of a womb, thanks.

There is also a more serious point here, that of cultural appropriation. When elrow, for example, throw another Bollywood themed party, what do they actually want from it? Honestly, what is the intention? Is it, as I suspect they'd claim, nothing more than a harmless bit of fun, no worse than, say, wearing a string of onions and a beret or a matador's cape and a pair of castanets? A cheeky wink at the world and it's many cultural variances, all of which are allegedly ripe for repurposing as a costume for an unimaginative business studies student desperate for an excuse to do a few bumps of a Sunday afternoon in mid-summer.

Well, no, it isn't really, is it? It's rank cultural imperialism masquerading as banter, a modern update on an office joker donning an afro wig and doing his best Jim Davidson impression. The idea that having a good time, or creating a "fun loving vibe" or however else these parties sell themselves to potential media partners, is permission to run riot over cultural identities is a self-evident fallacy. How do we tally the sight of white dancers dressed "Bollywood" gear with the idea of inclusion that we so often come back to when we try and justify clubbing as anything more than an enjoyable diversion from work? We can't. There is no way to do so.

And that's the problem with fancy dress in general: in a perverse way it imbues going out with a sense of genuine importance. You might not think that as you slide into a Danny Zuko style leather jacket ahead of another day party, but it's true. You've made a financial and emotional investment that didn't need to be made. You've fallen into a trap set for you by wily promoters. You've lined their pockets yet again. Oh, and you look like a twat. Sorry.