#I think this is also partly because some people here refuse to learn how properly tag stuff

[kiwisandpearls]

I’m usually not nonsharing* but whenever I stumble across character x oc fanart/fanfics in character x reader tags I feel a primal rage within me I have never felt before

[a-spes]

I was thinking about what going out with Wanda and Nat' as an autistic person would be like, because I feel they would be such supportive and accommodating girlfriends.

I feel like they would be absolutely perfect at anticipating your meltdowns because they know you so well that they've learned to read the signs.

—

You went to the restaurant with them and a part of the team for a girls night. You were having a great time and everything was going fine, until it was not anymore.

Quickly, everything became too much. The sound of the cutlery, the people eating, walking, talking, .. it is all giving you the urge to rip your ears off so you could eventually be at peace. It is getting so loud, and so obsessing, that you can't think about anything else.

Obviously, they saw what was happening before you did. It always happens that way, because you keep pushing your boundaries, always refusing to acknowledge the signs of an upcoming meltdown.

But they do.

The women know the signs. There is no chance that they would miss the way you stopped talking a moment ago, how you are not eating anymore, you fork playing with your food without actually taking a bite. There is also that slight frown on your face that betrays your worries. It is obvious that you are getting more restless as the minutes go by — you wouldn't stop shifting in your seat, unable to find a comfortable position.

You were sitting in front of them. You are the one who insisted on taking this specific place, if it was up to them, you would have spent the dinner between them, but you wanted to be as close as possible from Kate and Yelena. They are funnier — but you wouldn't tell that to Wanda and Natasha, you don't want to get in trouble.

“Come here, baby. You should definitely have a bite of my meal, you would love it,” she calls, and you don't hesitate a second before joining her, sitting on her lap when she silently asks you to do it. The meal was just an excuse because the woman is aware that you would have never admitted your struggles if she had simply asked if you were fine.

She feeds you a first bite, then handing you the fork so you can take more of the meal by yourself. It allows her free hands to find a place on your ears that they are now covering. Her touch is soothing, especially with her thumb running circles on your scalp, and so is her gesture. It may doesn't dumb down the world completely but, at least, it makes everything a little more bearable.

In the meanwhile, Natasha left to buy some headphones at the nearest shop. Unfortunately, they have forgotten yours at home. Yet, she doesn't care about spending hundreds on new ones — partly because it is Tony's money, mainly because she thinks you deserve it. When she comes back, less than fifteen minutes later, and eventually put the headphones in your ears, it feels like bliss. The world is eventually quiet, and you feel like you can properly breathe for the first time in the past hour.

[jiminniethemarshmallow]

Thank You For Your Service IV (M)

Thank you @7stars-aligned13 for the beautiful mood board!!  Pairing: Jimin x Reader Genre: smut, angst, fluff Warnings: mentions of trouble conceiving, lots of time skips, squirting, face fucking, dom!Jimin, slight role play, impreg kink, dirty talk, fingering, cream pie Word Count: 24,500

Part 1~ Part 2~ Part 3~ Part 4

You hiccup, already crying fat tears before you’ve even heard the news. You fear those words, feel the emptiness, and it hurts your soul. The straight faced doctor takes her time coming into your room, letting out a sigh once she sees your face. It’s from exasperation, but you would like to interpret it as sympathy. She stands at the foot of your bed, waiting until you calm your breathing enough to hear her.

“As I am sure you have guessed, you are not with child.” Those words break your heart for the sixth time and you break down into sobs, hiding your face in Jimin’s pillows.

Six months. It has been six long months since you were wed and you still are not pregnant. Even after all those late nights, early mornings when you’d send the servants away before your schedules began, the remedies and special foods, the slightly uncomfortable positions and pillow mountains, you still are not yet carrying your husband’s child. And it crushes you.

Yes, you know having children is not all you are good for, but it is one of your duties as a Queen. Having heirs is something that only you can do and the entire kingdom awaits expectantly for the news of an incoming prince or princess that they can idolize and adore, so you feel the pressure at all times of day— as well as guilt in regards to your barren womb. You should be fertile at this youthful time in your life. Both you and Jimin have passed every physical examination and remain in excellent health, which is why it is so perplexing to you that you are having trouble conceiving. Rosé, Queen of the kingdom just north of yours, is already pregnant and she was wed to her husband an entire month after you. Twins, you hear she’s having. You’d hate to fall behind her kingdom in any aspect, even in such a trivial competition as having children. She has nothing to do with your family, and yet, you still feel so inferior because you do not yet have one.

“To put it bluntly,” Your doctor begins, looking down at the paper she’s holding, scribbled with notes. “I believe the cause of your current condition— or lack thereof— is due to the poisoning you endured several months ago. It is possible that the potion affected your reproductive organs in some imperceptible way; your kidneys exhibited symptoms of its effects for nearly a month after your recovery, so we cannot completely rule out this possibility. But, Your Highness, the only way I would be able to test this hypothesis is through surgery to visually inspect your organs.”

You shudder at the thought of being cut open, shaking your head animatedly. Maybe you would consider this “inspection” after a year of effort and failure, but you would not take such drastic measures this early. No matter how much the constant failure hurt.

“If my infertility is due to the poison-“ You swallow thickly when your voice comes out as a mere whimper.

“Let us not be so hasty in calling it infertility, Your Majesty.” She interrupts, stare lightening just slightly. She’s learned the tiniest bit of respect since working under Jimin, his low tolerance for rudeness and spiny disposition during medical examinations slowly beginning to unnerve her cold discourse. Many a time has he reprimanded her for speaking to you informally or for her lack of sympathy, and you are finally starting to see a change, though she still interrupts you to interject.

“If my current inability to conceive is because of the poison,” You try again, “Are there any elixirs or pills I could take to lessen its effects? There must be something!”

“Because we do not know entirely if this is due to the poison, I am hesitant to give you treatment— sometimes getting pregnant is difficult for some people and there is nothing medically wrong with them. For now I can only give you advice on conception: try to lower your stress levels, eat more fruits and vegetables for vitamins, and do not over exert yourself. That is all for today, I will be back in a month for your regular check up unless I am needed sooner.” With that she turns and leaves, not waiting to be dismissed and leaving you alone in your room.

It is the middle of winter and the bone-chilling winds whip against your windows. The palace is heated by fire, but you refuse to light your fireplace, choosing to sit and suffer in the cold alone as you wallow in your gloom. Jimin has been busy all day with kingdom affairs, out and about performing duties that not even your father cared enough to get done. The people love him, love how involved he is and how much he cares, and they never hesitate to alert him to any problems they might have that Jimin could take care of. Of course he doesn’t mind, you knew he would never be able to stay inside these sheltered walls for long when he was so used to the excitement of training and battle, but you wished he would spare a little time to cater to your issues. His absence during your monthly checkups is not unusual. For the first three he held your hand and sat with you, on the fourth he left in the middle due to an urgent matter, and these last two he has been out of the castle altogether. Since your third appointment, when your hopes of being pregnant were at its highest, he seemed to have a very negative attitude toward your checkups. He told you he did not intentionally avoid these meetings, and you think that is partly true, but you know that he must hate the constant rejection and is deliberately making himself unavailable when he thinks you will be rejected again. He would much rather hear the bad news from you instead of your cold doctor.

When you asked your father to accompany you, he sort of grimaced and then politely declined. You understand, the thought of addressing the fact that your daughter has not only been deflowered, but is being repeatedly taken in the efforts of bearing fruit is sickening to you, too. Also, he is not very adept at comforting you when you break down like this, face buried in your husband’s pillows and shoulders shaking with sobs.

Telling by the ache in your skull and the completely soaked through cushion beneath your head, a long time has passed by the time you finally raise your face at the sound of Jimin shuffling into your bedroom. He shivers once the door is closed again, expecting warmth but being met with bitterness.

“It is freezing in here.” He rasps beneath his breath, ignoring you momentarily to light the fireplace, moving to shed the outer layers of his clothing once the fire is of decent size. The single glance he took at you upon entering is all he needed to know what has transpired, and he is in no rush to hear the devastating words. It’s only until he is in comfortable attire that he turns to face you, easing your head onto his chest with a curled bottom lip before he’s even settled properly on the mattress. “My love...”

Your tears flow freely onto his chest and he says nothing, sighing into your hair because by now this has become a common occurrence.

“She said it might be,” You snivel, “because of the poison.” He closes his eyes, having suspected the same thing but praying that it was not true. He wondered if the poison would have any long lasting effects on you, or on your future offspring, but dismissed the thought immediately. Although he knows nothing of what the doctor has said, he feels discouraged nonetheless. His past failure to protect you continues to circle around his head like a vulture, tormenting him to no end and making its appearance to pick at his wounds whenever he starts to move on from it. Six months feels like a long time, but it is apparent that his emotional scars need far longer to fully heal. And for that he owes to Jinwoo.

“I am s-sorry for being s-so weak.” You wipe your nose, face red and puffy from both tears and embarrassment. “Half a year ago you had not yet seen me shed tears, and now...” Almost as if the word itself had summoned them, fresh droplets fall from your eyes, looking pitifully up at the man who had stolen your heart. Only, he must have given it back to you at some point because you feel too much these days and you are tired of hurting like this. God, you probably look so ugly right now, you can feel how swollen and red your eyes and cheeks are, your self confidence plummeting to an all-time low.

“You are beautiful and strong, (Y/n), do not ever think less of yourself. You have good reason to feel the way you do, please do not think that you have to be stoic in front of me.” Like always, Jimin says exactly the right thing to ease your mind, using his hand to wipe your wet face and burrowing into the sheets with you attached to his side, his heat warming the icy sheets that drowned you when you had been alone.

You retired to bed early last night, which is why you can afford to wake up with the sun this morning. Jimin sleeps soundly behind you, but his presence is felt stiffly on your ass between the thin layers of clothing. Snow twinkles on your windowsill, probably the last snow of the season, but you find the sun beaming as brightly as ever to illuminate the room. With the weather beginning to warm in preparation for spring, you’ve grown accustomed to the gentle sound of melting snow dripping outside your window. Mornings like these are scarce and you plan to make the most of it.

You attempt to turn and face your beloved, but his arms tighten around your waist, locking you in your position. A sleepy groan tickles your ear, the vibrations of his voice sending a shiver through you.

“You’re up early.” Jimin mumbles, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. His voice is always so deep and raspy in the mornings, his dialect coming forth with a yawn. You could listen to him speak like that forever, but all you can think about at the moment is how good his moans would sound with the added rumble of bass that comes from sleep.

“So are you.” You snort with a sly wiggle of your hips. The twitch of his length against you sends a flash of exhilaration through your system— time has been short lately and it has been far too long since you’ve last felt him. Apparently he feels the same way, his hand effortlessly gliding up your rib cage to palm at your clothed breast with a deep sigh. You can tell his eyes are still closed due to the laziness of his movements, but it doesn’t matter when his tender touches set your body on fire like this.

His lips find their way to your neck as he shifts closer, kissing and sucking gently enough not to leave marks but to get your heart racing with need. “Take this off.” You follow his instructions and promptly shed the nightgown from your body, leaving you nude against him as he presses himself to you once again, this time slipping a hand between your legs. Your nipples harden from the brief chill of the room before you adjust the covers over your shoulder again, and Jimin takes advantage of this with two fingers, twisting the bud between them to send a spike of pleasure down your spine.

You muffle a groan once his fingers begin to tease at your lower lips, spreading them and toying with the outer skin just to build your anticipation. He wants you to drip before he’s even touched you properly, to whimper into the sheets until you can’t take it anymore and call out his name in frustration. Your clit gets pinched between his fingers when he squeezes them closed, trapping the bud as he continues to rub you up and down, and you find yourself panting in a matter of seconds. Soon, his fingers start to get coated in the essence that seeps from you. It’s so sexy that he can barely stand it. Jimin loves to feel your warm juices trickling out of you, working you up almost feels better than tending to himself, and his breathing hitches too when you begin to wiggle in his grasp.

“Look at my gorgeous Queen, getting soaking wet from just a few light touches. So cock hungry this early in the morning.” His words make you quiver and whine, the teasing quality of his voice right up against the shell of your ear driving you absolutely insane. “I’ll give you what you want if you tell me~” You hadn’t expected him to be so playful after just waking up, but it’s a pleasant surprise.

“I want you to make me cum,” You breathe out between pants. “Then I want you to pump me full of your seed. Please, My King.” Your words have their own special effect on him, evident by the lustful groan he releases into your hair and how his hips subtly shift behind you. Immediately, his fingers move to your clit to lightly graze over the hood until you buck into him, only then does he add pressure. Your back arches into his palm as he continues to play with your nipple, having turned his attention to the other in order to provide the same treatment, pulling and tweaking at it, working the nerves until they’re raw and sensitive enough to have you gasping with every flick.

Jimin doesn’t need to be able to see you in your entirety to know how you look right now. You’re completely helpless to his touch, he can feel you writhing against him and heating up the space between the sheets as your temperature rises. He can feel your heart beating hard against your chest— and he wonders if you can feel his from his position pressed against your back. It has been a while since he’s allowed himself to indulge in these fantasies. He’s pleased to know that he still has every inch of you committed to memory and is able to so easily have you at his fingertips, quite literally. These past months, your focus has been solely on procreating in the bedroom and rarely for the fun of it, so this is refreshing. But he still asks anyway.

“You want me to spill my seed into you, hm? Are you fertile right now?” His words slip past your ears as you lose yourself to the circles he draws into your bud, but somehow you manage to catch them at the last second.

“It does not matter, I want you anyway.” The answer is no, you aren’t at your most fertile at the moment, but this isn’t about that. Regardless of if anything will come of it or not, you want to feel Jimin paint your walls white with his love, something you think you’ve become addicted to. You bask in the feeling of having him throb and twitch and lose control while at the mercy of your tight walls, even when he’s pounding your weak frame into whatever surface he’s decided to take you on, and the thought has you galloping toward your peak faster than expected.

His leg slips between yours to prop them open, two of his fingers dancing their way into your clenching entrance, the intrusion pulling a loud moan from your lips. They glide and twirl within you much to your delight, but before you can enjoy it fully, they pop out and slither back up to your clit with a thick coating of your own slick. It doesn’t bother you, you could cum like this easily, but what really makes you gape is the feeling of Jimin’s hard member grinding against your ass. You can feel that his briefs are now damp with a mixture of precum and your wetness as you continue to drip down your thighs and make a mess of yourself, and you can’t help but rock your hips into his motion. You grind into each other with sensual synchronization and soon he’s panting along with you, the swollen head of his cock peeking out from his briefs to wet your cheek, teasing you endlessly.

“Jimin,” You whine, praying that he’ll let you cum quickly this morning despite his teasing mood. Every buck into his fingers shoots jolts of pleasure through you and every press against his hot cock has you throbbing at your emptiness. It’s a never-ending loop that has both of you moaning in no time, and it isn’t long before the coil in your stomach tightens to its peak. “Fuck, I’m cumming.” You whisper quietly, your breath being stolen away by the feeling of your orgasm. Your husband groans behind you, forcing his own hips to jerk to a stop as you roll against him to ride out the waves. He can feel you pulsing against his fingers and suddenly craves to feel you around his member, removing his hand from between your legs to push away his bottoms.

“Are you ready for me, darling?” He whispers with soft kisses to your shoulder as you begin to relax again. His tip glides effortlessly against your drenched lips and the fire inside you reignites instantly.

“I am always ready for you, my love.” Turning your head, you find his lips and savor the passionate kiss you share, a warmth blooming in your chest that saves you from the cold of the bedroom. Ever so slowly he pushes inside you, bringing a hand up to hold your face to his as his tongue slips between your lips. Vibrations mingle throughout your bodies as you both moan, the insertion tight as he stretches you open in the early morning light, his morning wood always so sensitive especially with your recent bout of abstinence. On the first thrust his fingers intertwine with yours, and this is the most intimate moment you’ve had with him in a long while. It feels like ages have passed since you’ve indulged each other in slow sex and you are starting to realize just how much you’ve craved it. “I missed you.” You mumble against his lips, barely wanting to pull away to look at him.

“I’ve missed you, too.” Jimin smiles, his eyes still closed but hand still caressing your face. He uses it to skim down your figure, hooking under your leg to lift it over his own and allow him deeper into your cavern, angling himself until you squeeze his hand with a shaky moan.

He honestly thinks he could stay like this forever: wrapped up in your warmth, surrounded by blankets, giving you all the love and pleasure he can provide. Things have been so hectic these last few months, an odd tension growing between you two that he can always feel but can’t quite put his finger on, but in these calm moments before the chaos of the day, he feels completely safe and at ease. Being King is no easy task, this he expected, but this is the only time he gets to shed the expectations, the pretenses, the pressure and just be your lover. Just like at the beginning of your relationship— and how things were 8 months ago, when the Crown was first placed in his hands.

You feel almost like a rag doll in his arms as he snaps his hips into you, allowing him to take you and guide you to bliss. Your hips rock back into him subtly, inner muscles squeezing around his shaft and gripping onto him, begging him to stay buried inside to occupy your lonely walls and empty womb. Pressure builds in your lower abdomen again, accompanied by a flush that takes over your body and warms you uncomfortably under the sheets. Jimin tosses the coverings aside when it gets too much, sweat slicking where your bodies connect. Your nails dig into the flesh of his ass when you reach a hand back to rest on the muscle, groaning at how you can feel every movement whenever his hips surge forward, his strength jolting you with his slow, powerful strokes. His length curves perfectly inside you, touching all your favorite spots and it becomes increasingly apparent that you won’t last long like this. He encourages you with gentle sweet nothings tickled against your ear.

“My lovely wife, always so good to me.” Jimin nuzzles his face in your hair, pulling you impossibly closer as his hand returns to your breast. “Always so soft and wet around my cock, darling. Are you getting close again, my love?” You whimper loudly and nod, not trusting your voice entirely when you’re feeling so breathless. “You sound so sweet moaning for me like that. Shall we let the entire castle know what a splendid morning we’re having together? Let them hear how well your King takes care of you.”

“Jimin~” You croon as he picks up pace, hips slapping against your backside and filling the air alongside your heavy breathing. Removing his bottom hand from yours, he props himself up on his elbow to look down over you, opening his legs wider to gain as much leverage as possible to fuck into you. The speed and power he achieves like this has you crying out into the open air, uncaring of who hears how wrecked you sound. You’re certain that the guards keeping watch at your door are uncomfortable by the display of lust, but who are they to judge when Jimin touches just the right places within you to have your body coming apart at the seams?

“Cum for me, my love,” Your husband’s voice feels distant as your thoughts float away. You are not aware enough to marvel at the sheer strength and endurance of his hips, his pace not faltering even once. Crumpling the sheets beneath you, you turn your face into the pillow as your body starts to quiver, a warm hand gripping onto your hip to keep you in place against the onslaught of pleasure. “There you go, milk me of my seed.”

Just the simple thought he plants in your mind’s eye is enough to send you into heaven, your walls clamping down around him with a scream of bliss, just as he requested. Feeling him so deeply makes your eyes roll, every stroke kissing the entrance of your womb and you pray he gives you every last drop he has. With only a few more pushes of his hips, you feel his body tense behind you and shiver, an overwhelmingly sexy groan breathed right into your ear.

It takes several moments of gentle thrusting before he’s satisfied, your body sufficiently full of his sperm and skin tingling with the aftermath of a beautiful orgasm you happily shared. Jimin kisses his way down from the side of your cheeks and neck to your shoulder and arm, ignoring the thin layer of perspiration that dries quickly in the brisk morning air. Though soft, he remains inside of you as he settles himself back against the mattress and holds your body to his, lifting the sheets to cover you before the chill returns. You feel safe. Completely and utterly safe and comfortable in your lover’s arms as you drift back to sleep.

But the peace is short lived because just as you begin to dream again, you feel Jimin pull out of you and shift away, attempting to be as stealthy as possible as he slips from bed. He winces when you turn to your other side to face him, sleepy eyes watching as he pulls on his underwear again. You are unable to return the sweet smile he offers you, already missing the way his skin felt against yours.

“Will you not stay to cuddle me?” You ask quietly, unable to understand why he must leave so soon. The smile on his face turns sad, eyes flickering to the door as several consecutive knocks sing on the wood.

“I have many duties to fulfill today, my love.”

‘And no time for me...’ You think with a poorly concealed frown, burrowing deeper into the bedspread when he opens the door for your servants, who get to work on preparing him for the day immediately. Deep down you know you likely will not interact with him until nightfall as he scrambles around the castle and kingdom serving his duties, but you try not to feel the distasteful irritation in your chest and send him off with a kiss when he makes his exit. Sometimes, though, you cannot help but think he was more eager to be with you when he was merely a soldier.

Jimin sits at a round table meeting with his advisors to discuss the affairs of the kingdom, in which there is not much to report. This is a mandatory meeting they must have weekly and they rarely last long. Most of the time, the conversations divulge into unrelated, off topic subjects just to pass the time, and Jimin has no problem with this on most days. He has a good relationship with his advisors and there is almost never any need for him to use his status as King during their discussions. Today, however, his fuse is a little short. It may be because of the all too frequent restless nights he has been experiencing, or from the lack of quality time he has spent with you, but he is far more irritable than usual. All he can think about is how disappointed you looked when he left and how much he’d rather be cuddled up back in bed with you instead of sitting in front of this counsel.  

“Do not worry, the Queen has already taken care of it.” Someone says, he does not know who said it because he is barely paying attention.

“Pardon my coarseness, Your Highness, but it is my understanding that Her Majesty has not yet conceived.” The man presents this in a questioning manner, but Jimin can hear the underlying condescension.

“You are correct.” He replies in a low voice.

“It has been 9 months since your matrimony. She should bear your heirs with haste.” The room swells with voices as his advisors begin to talk about you, each taking their turn to put in their opinions and criticism. He can hardly believe what he is hearing. They speak as though it is your fault that you are not pregnant, as if you are being defiant by not bearing him children, like it is a choice that you have made consciously. Anger bubbles in his chest, blood boiling as they continue ranting about you right in front of him as though they were not saying terrible things about his wife. He stands abruptly upon hearing someone tell a story about how his wife refused to birth him any more children because he “was acting like one” himself. Jimin interrupts just as the man is about to make a comment about stubborn wives, his voice billowing from his throat like heavy plumes of smoke that quickly engulf the room.

“How dare you speak of my wife— your Queen— in such a disrespectful manner! Do you accuse her of treachery against me? Against this nation? You have the gall to insult her efforts on something she cannot control, to doubt her intentions and loyalty to this kingdom and her own family? I should have you all removed from this castle permanently for suggesting such a thing, what do you have to say about that?!” He looks around the silent room at each of their faces, all of them looking utterly shocked by his outburst. Jimin has never needed to assert his authority over them like this, but they have gone too far today. Though he is the youngest in the room, he is easily the most intimidating when angry, regardless of if he were the King or not. Drawing in a deep breath, he tries to calm himself, running a hand through his hair as he takes his seat once more. “It is my fault anyway, not hers. It is my duty as well.”

It is quiet for a long while, the men around the table hesitate to speak again until one man builds up the courage to break the stillness.

“Do not despair, Your Highness, you are both still young, there is plenty of time to have children.” He reassures, followed by similar comforting phrases from the others. Jimin does not respond as he stares out of the window, a solemn look overtaking his face in place of the relaxed and neutral expression he normally wears. He wonders if you face this criticism regularly wherever you go, if people who are supposed to be your supporters are slowly losing hope in you. You already beat yourself up about not being pregnant, he fears what would happen if those thoughts were validated by others. Something must be done about this immediately.

It is silent for another long pause. “You are all dismissed.” He says with a flick of his hand.

*** *** ***

Your servants follow you around quite stubbornly, attempting (and failing) to be as unnoticeable as possible, but their presence is the only thing you can focus on. If you sigh too heavily they all come scurrying over, asking what was the matter, offering to take care of whatever task you had set out to complete. Yes, it was your mother’s dying wish for you to accept your loyal attendants, and it was your father’s order for them to look after you, but you cannot help but feel that this treatment is a bit excessive. It is almost laughable when you reflect on it: how just a year prior you were known largely for your independence, and now you could hardly find a moment to yourself. The only times you can get away with having minimal supervision is when you go out into town, where you may request only one or two guards or servants to accompany you.

Since becoming the official Queen of this nation, you have taken it upon yourself to care for the nuances of your society, to help individuals and keep a close relationship with the people. Jimin was focused on many of the larger issues that affected groups of citizens, like rebuilding one of the marketplaces that suffered damages in a fire last week, as well as handling international business with neighboring kingdoms. Naturally, everyone took a great liking to him and his policies and the people offered him immense support, but your job as Queen was to support the people. So, every week you go into town and buy a book from a novice writer, read it, then publish an unofficial review for the stories you enjoy. Not only does this boost the writer’s credibility, popularity, and sales, it also allows you to communicate with your people. Your presence in town never goes unnoticed, and often times people give you great recommendations on stories you should interest yourself with. It is the highlight of your week since all you can do is read in the quiet moments within the castle.

It is now early spring, trees budding with sweet smelling blossoms and the beginnings of greenery, displaying their proud potency in brilliant hues that bleach you into the gray of a dead willow. Still, your spirits are beginning to lift the farther you distance yourself from the castle. Walking through town, you breathe in all of the scents around you. Street vendors sell an array of foods that you do not see within the castle often and your mouth waters as you step up to one, picking out a pastry covered in sugar, something that you can easily pull apart with your fingers without the need of utensils. Before you can lift it to your mouth, the guard beside you stops you, plucking a small piece for himself to taste for poison. As a royal, you always thought this job was unnecessary and ridiculous before, but after the catastrophe at your wedding, you now understand it’s significance. That does not stop you from pouting, however, as you are forced to wait at least 5 minutes before the stiff guard allows you to dig into your snack.

You continue through the market, admiring crafts from artisans with masterful handiwork and struggle to keep your hand out of your purse whenever something catches your eye. This market is not the closest to the palace, in fact, it is quite far from it, but you have found that the most valuable work comes from the honest workers that live in smaller homes and lead honest lives, not from the traders and merchants who buy their goods from others and claim them as their own in the wealthy districts. The people who live on the outskirts work harder, and they are the ones you need to support the most.

“This would look beautiful hanging from the palace walls, don’t you think?” You turn toward Lilian as she browses the collection of jewelry that sits beside the tapestry you are holding, her eyes inspecting it briefly.

“I think it would look lovely in one of the sitting rooms.” She grins. Lilian always accompanies you on these types of trips. You value her opinion and reason and sympathize with her lack of outside interaction. Both of you are in the palace at almost all times and you are sure you both would go crazy if not for these couple hours outside those claustrophobic walls.

“I think so, too!” You agree, turning to the guard who continues to survey the area. “What do you think, Kyungsoo?”

He looks at it for a while, then at the others around it, finally bringing his eyes back to yours. “Whatever you desire, Your Majesty. My opinion is insignificant.” His answer causes your face to fall, rolling your eyes at him because he always says that. This is another reason why you bring Lilian along.

Sauntering into your favorite bookstore, you cheerfully greet the clerk and begin browsing for newly released books. Not long after, two women approach you, one of which you recognize to be the bookkeeper’s daughter and a new friend of yours. She always comes to talk to you about the store’s newest additions, and it gives others around her the confidence to speak to you as well. Today she is with a slightly older woman who she introduces as a rising author.

“I believe I have read one of your books before; remind me, which ones have you written?” You prompt, making the woman blush and brighten.

“Snowflower is my most popular work. It is all thanks to your review that I was finally able to get noticed in the writing community!” She beams, sparking conversation with you and Lilian about the book that the two of you enjoyed so much. It must be more than 15 minutes later that you finally decide on what to purchase, you have been listening closely to all that the ladies have to say about each author and the summaries of each story. There were multiple that piqued your interest and you could not decide so you ended up with 3 books in hand as your friend walked you to the register. One of them happens to be a story following the trials and struggles of a mother who becomes pregnant during a war. Of course you hadn’t picked this book for its theme of motherhood. It promised to be a good read— though you had overlooked it many times before today— and you certainly did not choose it because it was the closest thing to a lesson on pregnancy you could get without purchasing the entire series of “Preparing for Parenthood”, perched on a shelf that you found yourself eying the majority of your stay in the store.

Your friend talks mindlessly as she rings you up for your books, inspecting your odd selection. “So tell me, Your Majesty, are you with ch- ow!” The woman beside her pinches her arm just out of your sight, offering up a tight lipped smile when she turns to pout at her. A short flash of realization crosses her face before she returns her attention to you.

“Am I with whom?” You ask, confused.

“Are you with t-the children! Have you- have you come to see the preschoolers perform today?” She covers quickly with a nervous smile. Lilian glares at her when you are facing the other way.

“Oh! I recall hearing that they will be performing a play today, I nearly forgot!” The people around you sigh in relief at your obliviousness, resuming conversation as though nothing had happened. They give you instructions to the school and you rush there, Lilian carrying your books and Kyungsoo leading the way.

When you arrive, there are only parents and family members filling the auditorium, signifying that the play has not yet started. They chat amongst themselves in a rumble of murmurs, but the noise quiets quickly once you are noticed by a teacher that stands near the stage area.

“Her Majesty!” She gasps. “Welcome, welcome!” She practically runs to you, approaching clumsily while Kyungsoo moves to shield you with his body, stopping the woman before she can get too close. You gently move him aside to allow the woman to see and speak directly to you. “I had no idea that the Queen would be visiting today! To what do I owe you the pleasure?”

“I have come to see the children perform. It is imperative of me as Queen to support our kingdom’s youth.” You smile, noticing a weird look that crosses her face for a moment before smoothing out. Lilian has a tight smile spread across her lips just out of your peripheral.

“Of course! Well, you are just in time, the show is about to begin.” She tries to clear the front row of parents for you, but you insist that the parents of the children should get the best seats, settling for the chairs she pulls up for you at the sides of the small theater.

The moment the toddlers waddle onto stage in their costumes, your heart liquifies. They are the cutest things you have ever seen. Some of them look confused, some are pouting, but most of them are excitedly waving at their parents in the crowd, nearly tripping over each other from not looking at what’s happening in front of them. Even more heartwarming is the reactions of the parents, each and every one of them sitting up straighter and beaming with joy at the sight of their offspring, even the parents who had previously looked bored. Your attention is split between what is happening onstage and in the crowd throughout the entire play, watching the silent interactions between child and parent. You could always tell which tot belonged to which parent because of their reactions. Every child had their own lines, and whenever one stepped up to speak, the parents would lean in closer to the stage or straighten up to send a thumbs up to the wide eyes that stare back at them.

At some point, you had begun to imagine what it would be like if your own child were up there. You scan the faces of the toddlers, determining that a shy little girl bears the closest resemblance to your future baby, and you watch her the entire rest of the play. Her finger reaches into her nose several times during the performance, something your toddler would be forced to learn not to do, and she appears to be quite hesitant to say her lines. You and Jimin would act just as her parents are now, waving at her and mouthing words of encouragement when it seems like she will not speak at all, smiling proudly after she executes her parts flawlessly. Jimin would probably hold your hand as you watch her and you would be able to feel the sweat on his palms from how much he would worry for her, whispering to you how he hopes she will not cry because of how shy and quiet she tends to be. And you would whisper back that your baby is talented and will do great because she is very mature for her age, being a Princess and all.

Your eyes do not leave the girl for a minute and you are so caught up in your fantasy that you almost miss when everyone stands to clap at the end of the show. You rise slowly and offer your applause, cheeks hurting from smiling too much, but you cannot ignore the bittersweet feeling in your chest that comes when all of the children disperse and run into the arms of their waiting parents. And you are forced to remember your situation. The teacher begs you to make closing remarks and you take your place on the empty stage to address your people. Unable to focus properly, you barely know what you are saying; you thank the students and teachers for a great show, repeat a total of 4 times how adorable the children were, speak at length about how much you enjoyed everything, and once you notice that you’re rambling, you conclude quickly and move from the spotlight awkwardly. The families don’t seem to notice as they return their attention to gushing over their babies.

Just as you are about to make your exit, someone runs up to you and stops at your feet, her hair barely reaching the bottoms of your knees as she looks up at you. It is the girl you had been watching, and her arms reach up to be held once you make eye contact with her. At the approval of her parents, you lift her light body and rest her on your hip, the position comfortable and natural despite you having held a child only a few times in your life. You congratulate her and she smiles at you, turning to look at her parents as you try not to marvel at how perfectly innocent and sweet her face is.

“Your Majesty,” Her mother greets with a bow. “I was very surprised to see you here today. I had heard that you often come to these parts of town, but I would have never expected you to grace us with your presence on an occasion like this.” She is very polite, noting how the little girl has taken a liking to you already.

“I believe it is important to keep in touch with my people, and what better way is there to connect with you all than to attend a performance of my kingdom’s children?” You grin.

“I heard rumors that lately you had been feeling quite under the weather.” At this you quirk an eyebrow. She continues. “Many had assumed you were pregnant, so word spread that the King would not allow you out of the palace and that is why you had been absent for the past few weeks.” As if Jimin could tell you what to do. Yes, it is true that you had not gone outside of the palace in about 3 weeks, but that was of your own accord.

Jimin’s mother had taken a short vacation to your home upon your request after you detailed to her your troubles with conceiving in a lengthy letter, and she spent those three weeks improving your physical health with things like yoga and kegal exercises, as well as offering you very blunt and personal advice that you were almost too embarrassed to put into practice. Jimin warned you of how she was unafraid to talk about intimate topics, recalling a specific conversation she had with him in his teenage years, but you were still unprepared for the sheer amount of information she gave you during that time. You simply did not have time to go on your weekly shopping trips.

“That is... not the case.” You reply, adjusting the girl on your hip.

“Oh, then you are not pregnant?” The woman seems surprised and Lilian seems almost outraged, cutting in when you open and close your mouth with no other response.

“We have not been to this part of your town yet, are there any places you suggest we visit?” Lilian’s voice sounds through her teeth, swiftly changing the subject. You didn’t think you would have trouble talking about this, but here you stand, blinking away tears at her question. The girl’s mother seems to realize her mistake when she takes in your watery eyes that you try to hide with a fake smile. You let Lilian continue her conversation as you wander away a few steps, pretending to inspect your surroundings as you gather yourself, until a nearby newspaper catches your eye. On the cover are the words “KING’S NEW ORDERS! PROTECT THE QUEEN” and your heart jumps at the suddenness. You bend carefully to turn the page and read the article, a mix of emotions rushing through your body that almost makes you lose grip on the child in your arms when you understand their significance. You quickly return her to her parents, excusing yourself from them on the pretense that you had to be back at the palace for important business, and you instruct Kyungsoo to guide you back to the carriage to head home.

Upon entering your bedroom, Jimin finds a note on the bed in your writing, reading it with curiosity. It leads him to a familiar place and he hurries there with mild concern, mind rushing with thoughts of what your note could have meant.

Curled up in your favorite chair, he finds you reclining with a new book in hand as you look through the window of your Secret Library. Your servants know nothing of this place, you and Jimin have made certain that it’s location remains hidden, so this is the only place you can truly be alone. To his knowledge, you only come here when something is troubling you or when you need to think, and his mind jumps to all of the worst case scenarios of what could have happened.

“My love, you wished to speak with me?” He asks, approaching urgently as according to your urgent letter. But you remain relaxed and unresponsive as you continue to flip through the pages of your novel. He looks down to inspect your choice reading, taking note that it speaks of a woman who, in this current scene, is just learning that she is pregnant. You take your time reading it, only turning to him after the chapter is finished. When you turn to him your eyes are blank and unreadable.

“Why have you placed a censorship on our people, My King?” You ask suddenly, and it takes him aback.

“A c-censorship?” He stutters out.

“Yes, you recently placed a censorship on the people of this kingdom, have you not?” You look him in the eyes and find that he can barely hold eye contact, his entire body tense. It is difficult for him to respond, especially since you were not supposed to know about this, at least not this soon.

“It is not a censorship.” He evades.

“Really? So you have not ordered our people to be silent about anything pertaining to pregnancy and children around me?” He fidgets under your piercing tongue, unsure of how to respond. “That sounds quite close to censorship to me.”

“It is only to protect you, My Queen,” He relents, stepping closer to you as you snap your book closed. “People can be very insensitive and I did not want you to be hurt by their words.”

“Hurt by their words? What words would they have said to me? I am not a child, Jimin, you need not protect me from words!” Your volume rises along with the redness of your face. “Are the people criticizing me in some way? What have they said? What have you heard to make you so wary of words?”

“Their words hurt me, (Y/n).” He says quietly as he lowers himself to his knees and takes hold of your hands when he sees the worry in your eyes. “What I heard hurt me, and I could not bear the thought that you may hear such things too. I did not do this because I think you are not strong enough to endure it, I did it because you do not deserve to hear such negativity.”

“Even so, how dare you make such a rash decision without consulting me.” You remove your hands from his and he does not reach for them again. “You saw me directly after your council meeting last week and mentioned not a word of this to me. If you had asked, I would have told you that none of this is necessary, that I can handle whatever my people have to say about me because I am the Queen!” Your voice cracks annoyingly as you fight back hot tears. “I should be able to answer them when they ask me questions. And maybe I should hear what they say about me. Because they are correct, I am not pregnant and I do not know if I can ever become pregnant and maybe they should be worried. My sensitivity should not warrant their silence.”

“You are not sensitive, my love, you have every right to feel the way that you do.” You ignore him.

“But what troubles me the most is how you so easily excluded me. You acted without my consent and planned to keep this from me indefinitely— you even made sure Lilian was the first to know so that she could keep watch over me today! What happened to our communication, Jimin? We should be able to talk to each other about anything and everything, but instead you felt the need to keep something so important a secret from me. You could have simply talked to me and told me how you feel. It feels as though we have not spoken in days, it is almost like you aren’t trying anymore. It feels like you have given up.”

The fire in your tone dies down until all that is left is pain, and Jimin realizes that it is he who has hurt you the most.

Lilian told him about where you went today and how you acted. She told him of the lost and pained look in your eyes as you watched the children, even though you were smiling. Most importantly, she relayed your exact reaction when that woman asked if you were pregnant. It was just as he had feared. Putting these pieces of information together with the book you had been reading, Jimin knows that this argument is about more than what you’d like him to believe.

“This is no longer about the censorship, is it?” He asks cautiously, guilt leaking onto his features. You appear shocked at first, not having realized your own subliminal shift from the topic, but then your face twists with emotion and you bite your lip and turn your head from him in an effort to hold yourself together. You are tired of crying in front of him.

“You-“ Sniffling, you try to control the shakiness of your voice. “You do not talk to me anymore. I never know how you are feeling these days because you have been avoiding me.”

“I do not try to avoid you, my love.” He frowns, moving his hand to rest on your knee.

“It feels like you are. You do not come to my health examinations anymore, you can never seem to make time for them.” He opens his mouth to speak, but you don’t let him. “I am always forced to go through them alone and I sit there the entire time wishing that you were there to hold me or reassure me, but I’m always alone. And it may be easier for you to hear the bad news from my mouth, but it hurts me more every time I am forced to tell you that I have failed once again. And we haven’t tried in a long while, I am beginning to fear that you no longer want to touch me.” Your eyes convey a deeper pain than your words can communicate, and the earnestness in them when you look at him breaks his heart. He didn’t mean to make you feel this way, it‘s the last thing he would want.

“I still very much want you, My Queen, I always will. I have been hesitant to initiate anything with you as of late because you seemed so disheartened and dejected and I did not want to further upset you with inappropriate timing. I have also been struggling to keep my optimism, forgive me for my misjudgment.”

“That is another problem,” You sigh, knitting your eyebrows. “I have no idea what you are thinking or feeling. You always comfort me and tell me that I can be open with my emotions with you, yet you do not listen to your own advice and tend to lock up around me. It will not lessen my sadness, but to know that you are just as affected by this as I am and that I am not overreacting would give me the tiniest bit of comfort. But when you force yourself to appear unaffected, it feels as though I am the only one who cares.”

“But I am the King,” Jimin starts, conflicted. “I cannot afford to show weakness or lament in our misfortunes. I must be strong for the people.”

“Strength is not the only trait of value!” You hiss, irritated that he has this perception that is so inaccurate. “Emotion does not always entail vulnerability and the people will see that. They adore how much you care about them, how you grieve with them when you learn of their losses, so why would it be inappropriate for you to care about me? Do not forget that you are also my husband. That is what you signed up for on our wedding day; you married me and the kingdom followed. Why is it that I am never your priority?!”

Sadness transforming into boiling rage, you stand and push past him toward the exit. This is your first real argument with him and it seems that everything that has been bothering you for the past few months is now exploding out of your mouth. You did not mean for your words to be so harsh, yet you could not control them and figured that you should let everything out while you had the chance. Much of your frustration is about your own incompetence, but you redirect it toward him because you cannot handle anymore mental self-abuse. A tiny part of you wants him to yell back at you and affirm everything you already thought about the direction of your relationship just so you could be right about something for once. Most of you, however, wants him to run after you, take you into his arms, look you in the eye and dispel all of your worries by pouring out his heart to you.

And that is exactly what he does.

“My love, do not run away.” He says gently, grabbing your hand before you can even make it 3 steps past him. He moves to the front of you, taking your face in his palms so he can stare into your eyes, hoping they can fill in the blanks between his words. “You are always my priority and you always will be. I-“ He sighs, looking away for a second before returning to you. “I do not always make the best choices, and for that I apologize. Being your husband and a King is far different than being a military general, and it is taking longer to adjust than I anticipated. I love you so much, to the point where I am afraid of making mistakes and losing your heart somehow, so I try too hard to be perfect. I take care of your kingdom because it was yours before it was mine and I know how dearly you hold it’s people. I try to be as tough as possible for you because I thought you would expect it of me when you were feeling weak.” His hands fall to your shoulders. “As a General, I learned that the only way to gain respect and love was to work hard and solve all issues, but it appears that I will need a different mindset in this situation. Because it seems I have become too consumed with work and too busy to show my love for you, and I know I will need to change that if I want to be a good father to our children.”

“You do not need to change at all, Jimin. Who you are trying so hard to be is not the same man you were when I met you. Yes, you were strong in front of others, but you never closed yourself to me. I do not want you to change or pretend to be tough, I want you to be you, because that is who I married.” This causes him to think back to how he has behaved in recent months. Maybe he was avoiding your appointments purposely so he wouldn’t have the chance to break down in front of the doctor or Lilian. And maybe he had been ignoring you so he wouldn’t have to face his own pain that you reflected. He’s been treating you unfairly in an effort to play a role that doesn’t exist, and he welcomes the guilt that slaps him in the face at the realization. He hates that he ended up like this even after all that you went through in the aftermath of your wedding. It is like he had forgotten all that he promised you.

“I apologize for everything, My Queen. I will remove the censorship immediately.” His head bows with heaviness. “I do still want a family with you, but maybe we should take a break from trying, just for a little while. Maybe this building friction between us and the stress it caused has been affecting our fertility. Maybe we are trying too hard and should take your advice to just be ourselves. A baby should be made from love, not by expectation. I do not want-“ He thinks about his next sentence carefully. “I want to improve our relationship first, before our attention is shifted to other matters. We are young and have not yet been married a year, my love, we will have plenty of time to conceive. Let me make up for the neglect you have suffered these past months. Let us take it one day at a time.”

He’s right, your relationship has been strained, and it is not only from the fact that you are not pregnant. The discord between you two has taken a toll on your body: you are constantly exhausted, your head pounds with headaches most days, and the loneliness has changed your positive attitude into one of sulking and disdain. It has changed you. So how could you think of bringing a child into this world when you are at this level of dysfunction? Things needed to be resolved first, and here he is, willing to work everything out with you after accepting his faults. You couldn’t possibly reject him.

It’s been nearly a month since your argument, and things have taken a turn for the better. You helped Jimin realize something he didn’t quite understand before: that as King, anything he says goes, so he has been taking frequent days off to spend time with you. He’s taken you on many dates around the kingdom, showing you his favorite places to go when he was a child, exploring different towns you hadn’t gotten a chance to see yet, he even accompanied you on your shopping day to meet some of the friends you’d made. Being able to spend time with him like this reminds you of what it felt like in the beginning of your relationship. The novelty of seeing him and the excitement you’d feel in the pit of your stomach. Except this excitement is now from your curiosity of what activities you’ll do with him that day and not from the thrill of possibly being caught together by servants.

You’ve kept things fairly innocent these past few weeks, focusing on rebuilding your emotional connection instead of being physical. You’d lost a lot of weight during the months you were at odds with Jimin, but you’re happy to say that you’re gaining it back now that you’re paying more attention to your health and happiness and not the crazy diets and detoxes that people recommended to you to help with conception. What’s more, you’ve been keeping busy by accompanying Jimin on his political duties instead of remaining put away in the palace. He didn’t want to involve you in political affairs to keep your stress levels low, but you remind him that you’ve been involved in things like that since you where a young princess, so this is the norm. So now you happily travel with him out of the kingdom to attend meetings with neighboring rulers and assure them of your health.

This is the first trip you’ve taken, and it feels absolutely liberating. Seokjin insisted that you and your husband stay in his family’s vacation home located in the area— one of many acquired throughout his travels as a collector and salesman— and it is arguably nicer than the one offered by the royals of this kingdom. Perhaps not as luxurious (though very close to it) but certainly more private. You’d take any opportunity to escape any hovering servants. Your eyes sparkle as you walk through the doors, taking in the modern furniture, high ceilings, and breathtaking view of the green valley and hills surrounding you. The altitude is quite a bit higher than you’re used to, the kingdom poised along a mountainside and sourcing its water from the river that flows through the valley below.

You blame this altitude for the sick feeling in your stomach and the lightness of your head, trying your hardest to keep your etiquette and not plop face first onto the huge mattress. You sit gingerly on the edge, aided by Jimin, who kept hold of your arm ever since he saw you swaying when you stepped out of the carriage. He fusses over you, letting out a disgruntled grumble when you remind him that you saw the doctor before your departure and she found no troubling conditions within you— not even pregnancy, which you were disappointed to hear, but not surprised. The symptoms come and go and you assure him that all you need is some rest and you’ll be back on your feet, and he leaves you under the watch of Lilian and Kyungsoo (who accompany you everywhere) while he travels to the castle to greet the King and assure him of your safe arrival. You nap while he’s away and awake just in time for dinner, feeling refreshed and symptom free, much to his relief.

Being away from the palace and kingdom is sure to do wonders for your physical and mental health. Just being here with the people you love is a breath of fresh air, and you can’t wipe the smile off your face. Seated at the table accompanied by Jimin, Lilian, and Kyungsoo, you feel this is the closest thing you’ll have to a family dinner for a long while. As your servant, Lilian never eats with you at the same time, let alone at the same table, but you begged her to join you and fill the evening air with casual chatter. Kyungsoo is your favorite guard and you’ve always wanted to get to know him, but he remains relatively quiet throughout the meal and never lets his guard down, taking the farthest seat from his monarchs to silently observe. Typical. With your energy levels still quite low, Jimin and Lilian do their best to raise your spirits by showing off their goofy sides, telling stories and making you laugh almost nonstop. But just seeing them bond so well is enough to make your heart swell. You wonder if Jimin will have this type of relationship with your children, one where they can joke freely and build trust with each other without being hindered by the forced power dynamic. You hope their relationship will be better than the somewhat estranged one you have with your father.

“Are you comfortable, my love?” Jimin asks as you settle in for bed. This mattress seems to be made from the clouds of the heavens, you’ve never felt relaxation like this. You’ll have to purchase one for your own bedroom.

“Yes, My King.” You return, grinning at the way his cheeks lift. He climbs in behind you after blowing out the lanterns, the scent of smoke wafting gently through the room.

“How are you feeling? Better?” He sounds tired and you have no desire to keep him awake with your troubles, so you nod.

“Yes, after my nap and dinner, I feel just fine.” You don’t mention your growing headache because you’re certain a good night’s sleep will resolve it. You’re feeling uncharacteristically tired, exhausted even, and it’s most likely from the long journey here. Hopefully, you’ll wake up refreshed and energized in the morning.

“Alright. Let me know if you need anything tonight.” He whispers, already starting to drift off.

“I won’t trouble you.” You assure him, sinking into slumber.

“Are you sure you are well enough to go out today?” Lilian sifts through your clothing, trying to decide what to dress you in for today’s events, accounting for the warm mid-spring weather. She is alone in the bedroom with you, Jimin having stepped out to give you privacy while getting ready.

“Yes, I am feeling much better.” This isn’t a lie. Although you felt extremely sluggish upon first waking up, you now feel great. Jimin had asked you about a thousand questions before leaving bed this morning and at breakfast, and you dispelled each one of his worries with confidence.

“I am glad to hear that, but please do pay attention to your condition, Your Highness.” She says this as she holds up a pristine gown for your approval, handing it to you when you nod both at her words and fashion choice.

She doesn’t need to vocalize what’s on her mind, you know what she’s thinking, and frankly, you’ve been having the same thoughts. But your doctor was very clear that you are not pregnant when you saw her before the trip. Also, you bleed 2 weeks ago, and though it was short-lived, it was accompanied by cramps and headaches, dutifully reminding you of your empty womb. So you ignore Lilian’s concerns and move about your day like normal, smothering the tiny bud of hope that tries to bloom in your chest.

“Are you excited for today’s meeting?” Moving away from the topic, she smiles at you through the mirror at the way your face lights up, beginning her work on your hair.

“This is the most excited I have felt in a long while! It will be my first diplomatic duty as Queen.” Finally, you feel useful.

“Would you like me to accompany you?” What she means is ‘would you like me to keep an eye on you to make sure you are feeling okay/ nothing bad happens’ but you pretend not to notice.

“No, Lilian, I want you to treat this as a vacation of sorts. You work so hard my humble, loyal friend. Go and explore the towns, have fun while we’re away from the kingdom.”

“I do not want a vacation, I want to make sure you are alright.” She responds quietly, blushing. You hum.

“Respectfully, I do not need to be looked after like a child.” You chuckle. “I can do well on my own. Besides, Jimin and Kyungsoo will be there if anything happens.”

“Then I will take my leave tomorrow after I make sure you are alright today.” She says stubbornly, not meeting your eyes in the mirror. “I cannot relax in good conscience without being assured of your safety.” Nodding, you accept her terms with a smirk.

“Always a pleasure to see you, Queen (Y/n).” King Jackson smiles at you, bowing his head in greeting. You grin widely as you sit across from him and his wife at the large conference table, Jimin placed closely at your side.

“You as well, Jackson.” Last you saw him, he was a prince. In fact, he submitted the first marriage proposal you’d ever received, asking your father for your hand in marriage as soon as he heard you were of age. He is a little less than 4 years older than you, handsome, bubbly personality, likable and charming on all fronts, and you had no qualms with marrying him, but you also had no desire to leave your kingdom to rule another. As King, he would have you move into his castle and be at his service where you would likely not hold any power or say in most matters involving the people, something that deeply displeased you, so you turned him down. Now he has a wife and several small children, as well as the throne and an entire kingdom to lead. And as of your coronation, he is your kingdom’s closest ally.

“No need to be so formal, Queen.” He jokes, immediately setting a relaxed atmosphere. You are meeting to discuss and update the terms of a treaty between your allied nations, one that your fathers had written and agreed upon many years ago, but legally needs to be reviewed thanks to the recent shift in power. Your father is quite close with Jackson’s own, therefore you have a good relationship with the young King from years of getting acquainted during your childhood. Jimin, however, has no such history with the man and seems rather tense around the lighthearted playful. “I was disappointed when you refused by marriage proposal, but it seems that you have chosen a handsome and competent spouse in my place, just as I have.” He grins, winking at his wife, Lena.

“It was never ‘your place’, do not be so big headed,” You roll your eyes but he ignores your quip, eyes trained on Jimin.

“We spoke yesterday evening, but I am intrigued to get to know more of you, King Park. May I call you Jimin?” Jackson barely waits for a reply before continuing. “I must know more of the man whom I am to be allied with, and the man who married the ever-so-independent princess.”

“I must admit, I am curious about you, too. But if my beloved trusts and acknowledges you, then I will do the same.” Reaching under the table, Jimin’s hand finds yours and you smirk, pleased that he won’t let the other King intimidate him.

“Regarding the treaty;” Jackson pulls out a long document, skimming over the lengthy script that you are both irritatingly familiar with. “Will our kingdom’s continue to remain allied during times of war, help financially and provide resources in times of natural disaster, respect the borders set by each nation without the intention of gaining territory, and continue to keep trade borders open?” He reads off the major points of the list, you and Jimin answering with a ‘yes’ to each. “Is there anything else you would like to add?”

“Not that I can think of.” You respond, Jimin saying the same. Feeling satisfied by your responses, Jackson signs his name under the print of your fathers, passing the document to you for your signature. But you slide the paper to your husband, whose name appears in ink now instead of yours. Surprised by this, you can see the unfiltered comment bubbling out from the brazen King’s dome.

“I would not have expected, (Y/n), that you would submit the powers of your status to a man.” It is obvious that he has already assumed that your action means that you no longer hold the highest authority in your own land, but you are both quick to correct him.

“You are mistaken.” Your voices harmonize into one as you say this, Jimin continuing on to explain. “My Queen has not yielded even an inch of power to me. As I am sure you know, she is fully capable of handling affairs such as these, any responsibility she has shifted to me has been due to her own discretion.” Though his tongue is quick, Jimin is sure to keep a light, non-malicious tone so as not to offend your friend. You’d much rather focus on internal public affairs, leaving international and business related issues to your husband. But it seems others have the wrong idea about you.

The man across from you blinks at this, raising his eyebrows, and you know Jimin has just gained a large amount of respect in his eyes. You find it quite flattering to see him so defensive of you and you give an approving squeeze of his hand.

“As expected,” Jackson hums with a grin, receiving the document as Jimin passes it back to him. “Well, it seems that our business here is complete! Shall we have champagne to celebrate this swift agreement?” He doesn’t realize his error until his wife nudges him in the ribs and he looks up to see your faces pulled into wide-eyed frowns. “Ah, yes— my apologies,” He scratches his neck bashfully. “Then, may I interest you in some exercise?” Eyes boring straight into Jimin’s, he asks this as the men share a look.

“Oh, this is so exciting!” Lena beams, nearly bouncing in her seat as you both observe from a bench on the side of the field. Somehow you hadn’t expected this when Jackson offered his proposal. Your husbands are standing in a marked area with protective gear covering their bodies and gleaming swords, preparing for a sparring match in the warm weather. The sun beats down on you as you squint at them, using your hand to shade your eyes before Lilian appears with a parasol to place over your head. “Have you ever seen your husband fight before?” She asks, staring at your side profile.

“Never.” You respond. “This should be interesting.” Admittedly, you tend to shy away from violence, resenting the thought of people battling each other for bloody glory. Though you are in charge of the military, you never ask for too many details, and skillfully avoid any training grounds near the castle. It may be ironic, then, that you married a General who has seen more battles than he’s cared to mention and carries more scars than he’d care to explain. But you must admit that you’re intrigued by the spectacle he’s sure to put on for you, comforted by the fact that this is completely safe.

“Jackson has been training sword for most of his life, but has never seen an actual battle. I wonder how their skills will compare.” Lena states proudly, sipping from the drink one of her servants comes to offer, dismissed when you decline.

“I hear that you were a General, King Park.” Jackson checks the cap at the tip of his sword, nodding to the instructor that stands at his side.

“I’d like to think that I still am one.” Jimin responds as he stretches out his stiff muscles.

“Even after being promoted to Commander in Chief?”

“I’ve done nothing to earn that title but get married.” The man before him hums.

“I assume you are quite skilled with a sword then, have you practiced fencing before?”

“Of course, it is taught as the basics of sword fighting. Though, I would not say I am a master.” Humbly, your husband lowers his head to inspect his blade, shaking his head at Jackson’s outcry.

“Nonsense! Any man who has done battle for his life is surely a master. Though, I do ask that you do not hold back on me here; I certainly will not do the same for you.” A wolfish grin creeps up onto both Kings faces, mirroring each other as they pull down the hoods of their face guards.

“You’ve said nothing of your own skill thus far, I will not make the mistake of underestimating you.” The match starts swiftly after they take position, Jackson lunging forward and barely missing Jimin’s side as he dodges out of the way.

Your mouth falls open as they move, each motion calculated and precise. You know nothing about fencing, but it is clear that they are both highly skilled. You’ve never seen your lover move this way before, so dynamic and captivating as though he were performing a dance. Powerful and graceful in every step taken toward his opponent, wielding his blade as though it were an extension of himself. He is beautiful to watch, your heartbeat speeding up in your chest as you are enraptured by the display. Both King’s are even in size and capability, but you can see the ease of movement Jimin possesses compared to Jackson’s deliberate strokes, almost as if he were teasing him. Lena cheers from beside you, but you can’t make a sound. Seeing him like this— completely in his element and moving so gracefully— has your body heating for another reason unrelated to the unrelenting sun. You’ve married an amazing man.

“You’re quick.”

“That is a great compliment, coming from you,” Jackson grunts, keeping Jimin on the defensive with his bold attacks. “But I can tell you are merely playing with me.”

“Not playing.” Waiting. One thing Jimin is an expert at is waiting. Patience is his strength, in fighting and in his daily life. He was patient when it came to you, taking his time with each step of your relationship until he was entirely sure that you were ready, that you wanted him. He was patient with each of his military promotions, climbing up the ranks with hard work and diligence until he was recognized. And he will continue to be patient with the next stage of his life, trying his best not to lose hope that you will become pregnant one day, so he will deal with the disappointment and trials with you for as long as it takes.

As soon as Jackson falters he takes his shot, attacking with swift consecutive swings until his opponent is pushed far back on his side of the space and leaves an opening, one decisive lunge ending the match. They both pant as Jimin’s sword makes contact with the center of the other King’s chest, the cap pressed into the padding protecting his flesh. There’s silence for a beat before they both drop their guard, retuning to the start position. Jimin turns his head to make sure you were watching, lifting his mask to wink at you and smirking salaciously when you blush.  

“Well done.” Jackson nods. “But I won’t let you get the better of me next time!”

“Your husband is a bit intense, no?” You ask Lena as she giggles, humming in agreement.

“And it seems your husband is a bit competitive.” You also nod, the heat drying your mouth as you watch her sip her drink again. She calls over her servant when she catches your stare and they hand you a glass— Kyungsoo swooping in annoyingly to try it first before you can taste the sweet liquid. “He seems very fit and possesses a beautiful physique, I’m astounded that you have the willpower to leave bed with a man like that, especially as newlyweds.”

You choke on your drink mid-swallow, nearly spitting it out because of her words. Jackson has a notoriously dirty mind, it is no surprise to you that his wife shares that quality— she’d have to, in order to tolerate him. She laughs as Lilian takes the drink from you as you wipe your mouth, turning the comment back on her.

“I could say the same to you, Jackson is just as built.”

“Oh, trust that he kept me in bed for months after our wedding date. It is no coincidence that I have this many children now.” Her eyes shift back to the men on the field, seemingly satisfied with the rosiness of your cheeks. Recovering, you address her once more.

“Speaking of, may I meet them?”

“I’ve known (Y/n) for most of my life,” Jackson speaks up during their final round. “Though I submitted a proposal, she’s grown to be like a sister to me over the years.”

“Is that so?” Jimin grunts, their swords clashing loudly.

“I was skeptical of what kind of man she had chosen when word spread of your betrothal. Wondered if you would be able to protect her as she tends to venture out and do things on her own; sometimes-” He jumps back as Jimin closes in. “-befriending the wrong people. I worried when I heard of the catastrophe at your wedding ceremony.” The cap of Jimin’s sword touches to his opponent’s chest once again, ending the sparring match. They both remove their helmets and masks, breathing heavily as they look at each other. “I truly empathize with what you were forced to experience. I could not imagine being in that situation with my wife.” Both men turn to look at you and Lena, their 4 children surrounding you as you hold the youngest in your lap. It is a sight that simultaneously melts and breaks your husband’s heart. “Nonetheless, after meeting you, I am confident that she is in good hands. I like you a lot, Jimin, and though my approval may mean nothing, I think you are an excellent match for her.”

You look up to see them shaking hands, both of them walking over to you with content looks on their faces. The child in your lap looks up as his father approaches, making grabby hands at your friend until he reaches down and lifts him from you. You watch with starry eyes as Jackson props the child up on his hip, kissing over his chubby cheeks and forehead, but then your attention is pulled away when Jimin stops to stand in front of you.

“Did you win?” You ask, already knowing the answer.

“Yes, My Queen,” He bows dutifully, running a hand through his sweaty hair. It should be offensive how sexy he looks right now, standing in the sun with his wet hair, skin shining with hard work and eyes landing lazily on your figure with a lazy smirk. Your heart jumps and you have to look away before your mind slips even further away. “Do I get a victory kiss?” He bends down toward you, puckering his lips, and you push lightly at his chest with a laugh.

“But you’re all sweaty!” Your nose wrinkles at him but your eyes still lock onto his lips, even as you continue to swat at him.

“No kiss for your King?” Jackson quips, turning to his own wife who is already shaking her head in disgust. “Lena~ Don’t I get a reassurance kiss after my defeat?” The same look Jimin has on his face is contagious to the other King, who grins at Lena as she shields her face with another one of their giggling children, peeking out from over her shoulder. Both men approach with puckered lips, causing their Queens to squeal at their playfulness— you even hop up from the bench to avoid him, taunting him as Jimin chases you around the field. It’s rather immature, but you feel no need to pretend here or uphold appearances in front of your hosts. Lilian and Kyungsoo look on fondly, never having seen you so carefree.

“You never minded my sweat before, my love.” Jimin whispers to you when you finally allow him to give you a peck on the lips, his arms wrapped loosely around your waist. You don’t respond, rolling your eyes at him with a barely hidden smile.

“You seem to be getting along nicely with Jackson.” You comment as you rummage through your luggage, searching for one specific item. Jimin replies from behind the partition of the bathroom, bathing away the grime of the day in preparation for the night. You had both sent Lilian away when she offered to help and she took off to explore the nighttime activities of the kingdom, one of Jackson’s male servants offering to be her guide. You’ll be sure to ask her for details in the morning.

“Yes, he is quite an interesting character. He gave me his official approval to marry you, which I suppose I am grateful for.” Hearing the smile in his voice, you giggle, silencing the gasp that leaves your chest when you pull out the delicate lace garments, your heart rate speeding up. You aren’t sure why you feel so anxious about this. It’s not like you to get nervous about being intimate with Jimin, but you’ve never done anything like this before. Maybe it’s because it’s been a while since you last had him, the recent abstinence keeping your body on edge. Or maybe you are worried about what he will say when he sees you. Embarrassment colors your face as you quickly slip on the set, covering yourself with a robe when you are finished.

“He gave you his blessing to marry me?” You chuckle.

Stepping onto the tile of the partitioned washroom, you stand before the full length mirror to inspect yourself before tying it closed. The robe covers you from Jimin’s viewpoint behind you as he finishes washing up, and you try to appear productive as you move to moisturize yourself. When he is finished, your husband approaches from behind, a towel hung low on his waist as he comes to wrap his arms around your midsection. You can feel his sturdy body pressing into you as he pulls you closer, his eyes staring into yours through the glass when he rests his chin on your shoulder.

“His ego hasn’t shrunk an inch since I last saw him.” You sigh, letting your eyes flutter shut as the two of you sway gently together.

“Well, he is a King.” Jimin reasons in a whisper.

“But so are you.” His arms loosen around you when he feels you start to turn, both of your eyes open now as you peer up at him with glittering eyes, gingerly locking your fingers behind his neck. Your heart kicks up as you watch the easy grin on his lips, the absolute and unwavering adoration he holds for you so evident in his gaze. It reminds you of earlier times, his expression the exact same as when he first confessed that he was in love with you and you reciprocated, kissing him so certainly. Now, you kiss him with practiced ease and press ever closer into his warm body. Jimin’s tongue dances with yours, both of you getting lost in the moment until you are forced to pull away for air. “You were amazing today, General Park.”

The use of his former title makes his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. It isn’t like he doesn’t like the name, it is simply that he never expected to hear it come from you again.

“I did not realize that you were so agile and powerful, I was very impressed with what I saw.” One of your fingers trails down his chest, playing in the dip of his v-line before coyly tracing back upwards with each slow word you speak. “That is not to say that I was unaware of your capabilities, you have found great success in protecting me and my kingdom, but watching you was eye opening... and quite arousing.” His breath hitches in a way that gives you more confidence, courage swelling in your chest that helps you ignore the redness of your cheeks.

“Is that so?” Jimin swallows, curiosity lighting his gaze.

You hum in affirmation. “You must work extremely hard to become that skilled, so I thought it appropriate to give you a gift to show my appreciation for all that you do.” Taking a step back, you play with the ribbon of your robe, amused by the sudden change in Jimin’s expression. He watches you like a predator stalking it’s pray, detailing every movement of your nimble fingers with a heaving chest as you move at a snail’s pace to untie your robe. You decide to tease further once the ribbon is finally untied, only revealing the tops of your shoulders from the silk, holding yourself in modesty until it looks like he’s going to go insane before you open the from to reveal yourself.

Jimin feels like he could faint from what he sees when the robe drops. You are decorated in a lacy white lingerie set that is quite transparent, your nipples visible through the designs of the fabric. The bra of the set extends downwards under your cleavage and he feels his hands lifting to rest on your ribs to touch the material, following it delicately until he cups your breasts with his palms. Maybe it is due to the design of this expensive undergarment, but you fill out the bra much more than either of you would have expected, your breasts round and pushing at it in all the right spots. This is the lingerie set that Jin had hidden behind your commissioned painting as part of your wedding gift, and Jimin had completely forgotten that it was in your possession. He chooses not to question how Seokjin knows your body measurements in order to purchase the present. Eyes trailing down, Jimin takes in the equally scandalous panties that adorn your hips, all parts solid white except for the crotch that remains lacy and see-through giving him a view that makes his mouth water.

You look absolutely stunning, and he tells you in as many words as possible.

“Your gift is not yet complete, General.” The look on his face is everything that you had hoped for, and you wish to shock him even further with your next move. Hooking your fingers into the towel at his waist, you unravel it and expose his growing length, sinking down in front of him.

Quickly, he grabs your arm once he realizes what you are doing, preventing you from going lower. You pout up at him. “My Queen, a woman of your status should never kneel on the ground for any man. You must remain dignified.”

“My dignity,” You half scoff at the notion, rising to look him in his beautiful brown eyes. “I have neither dignity nor pride. You have it all, my love; I have given myself to you completely.” You allow yourself to break from your role play just this once, he needs to know that your words are true. If there is anything he should know by now, it is that you hold no reservations toward him. With him, you are equal and you trust him completely. It is not like you have never serviced him before, but he has never seen you on your knees below him due to his own beliefs and you would like to change that tonight. “I want to do this for you.”

This time when you lower yourself, he allows you to drop until your knees rest on the ground. The view he has is undeniably sinful. You can tell how much he enjoys it by how rapidly he hardens in front of your face. But when you look up from your own spot on the floor, you find that your view is equally as jaw dropping. Jimin looks down at you from over his nose, the damp hair on his head sticking to his forehead and dangling over his eyes, shadowing his features into sharp lines. Every inch of his body is chiseled to perfection, displaying the hours of training he has undergone over the years to get to the level of skill you witnessed today, and if it were not for you already kneeling on the marble, your knees would have buckled right from under you. He is like a statue carved by the gods. And he is all yours.

“If a Queen wants her soldiers to keep performing for her she must reward them, and you are the very best, so I will be sure to give you special treatment.” Lightly grasping his member, you take the time to feel how he grows in your grip. Just the feeling of you running your fingers over his plush balls has him almost fully erect, the muscles of his abdominals tensing as you lean forward to slide him into your mouth, caressing the underside of his cock with your tongue without closing your lips just yet. You’ll work him up slowly, you decide, wanting him to savor this rare occasion in hopes that he will allow you to do it again sometime. Your palm smears your saliva around his shaft and starts to steadily pump him up and down, the simple action causing a groan to tear from your lover’s throat.

Jimin does not know where to look in this moment. Should he focus on your hands as the diligently work to pleasure him? Your tongue when it peeks out from your lips to tease at his slit? The dip of your cleavage that lie in his direct line of sight, framed so perfectly by the underwear you don? Or perhaps those smoldering eyes you stare up at him with, those plotting, gorgeous eyes that call to his deepest desires? You look as if you would do anything for him at this moment— you have intentionally put yourself at his feet to show how vulnerable you are willing to be with him, that you trust him to the utmost degree and you would sink this low, literally, to demonstrate that.

“Shit,” Jimin curses, eyes trained on the way your lips wrap around his reddening tip. You sense his hands fidgeting at his sides, so you take them to place on top of your head, nodding encouragingly until he weaves his fingers into your hair. He throbs in your mouth and you fight back a smirk.

Working meticulously, you take the time to circle your tongue around every sensitive place at his cockhead, licking slowly over his frenulum and flicking over his slit as it starts to leak. The flavor is slightly salty and entirely him, and it makes your legs press together from where your knees dig into the polished marble. Your lips and tongue play at his upper half for a while, one of your hands rubbing whimsical patterns along his tensing thigh while the other tends to his aching base, pumping in time with your mouth with a slight twist to your wrist that has his fingers tightening against your scalp.

“Are you enjoying your gift?” You break away to speak, twirling your tongue around the line of saliva that connects you to his tip in the most lewd way possible.

“Yes,” Jimin pants, clearing his throat when his voice comes out raspy. But the sound makes you drip into your designer panties, the flimsy material doing little against your increasing wetness. “How did you become so skilled at this, My Queen? You are such an angel but possess devilish talent with that pretty mouth of yours.”

“I had an excellent teacher.” You wink up at him, hoping he was imaging all the times he guided you when you wished to taste him, becoming more confident as time passed and you no longer feared your gag reflex. You figure now is a good time to demonstrate just how well you absorbed those lessons, you finally sink further down on him until he touches the back of your mouth, collecting your spit to slick him before pushing him deeper and into your throat. Your stomach quivers as you hold back the urge to gag, but he sees none of that because when you look up his head is tossed back in ecstasy and concentration. He must focus so he doesn’t cum so soon.

“Just like that.” Biting into the plush of his bottom lip, Jimin falls into the trance of your movements, bobbing up and down on him with his tip lodged in your throat. The first moan he lets out has a shiver crawling up your spine, deep and loud so it echoes against every surface of the room. Drool slides out of your mouth as you continue to suck him but you pay no mind to it, only focused on the way your lover’s body reacts to you. His chest heaves for breath and you can see perspiration beginning to coat his chest and neck, Adam’s apple bobbing every time he swallows. The hand that was previously occupied with the rest of his length moves to his balls, kneading and massaging the sack gently as more moans pour from his mouth. Your clit throbs the longer you suck on him, his cock now at full length and hardness and feeling so thick and heavy on your jaw that you can’t help but fantasize about feeling it inside you again.

His hips eventually begin to twitch and rock into each of your movements, but you can tell he is restraining himself from bucking into you fully. When his eyes connect with yours again, you nod as best you can, pulling off slightly to take a few deep breaths and kiss along his silky skin. Once you have your breathing back to normal, you poise yourself with your mouth open wide and tongue poking out, the sight of you inviting him into your warmth while dressed so scantly and looking up at him with such confidence making it incredibly difficult for him to keep his composure. Here you are, his Queen, the ruler of an entire kingdom by birth right who possesses such elegance and high esteem, sitting below him and offering your throat for his pleasure. This is something that no one else in the entire world will ever see and he feels something similar to pride swelling in his chest at that fact. He knows what you are silently asking him to do, so he does not keep you waiting a second longer before inserting himself back into your mouth and easing his way in until your nose is nestled in the trimmed hair above his pubic bone.

Curses leave him in a continuous string as he takes time to adjust to the sensation, a lightness filling your head that makes you feel like you are floating through the clouds. And that feeling only increases when he starts to move, pulling his hips back for you to take in air through your nose before thrusting in again. Jimin fucks your mouth slowly at first, warming you up to it before he starts to get a bit rougher and visibly more eager, his lips sucked into his mouth as he glares down at you. In any other context, you would think him angry if he ever peered at anyone this intensely, but now you only feel the pool of arousal that builds in your core and gushes out of you at the intimidating glower. Still, his muscles are rigid with hesitance.

“May I go faster?” He breathes, never pulling out to free your mouth to respond. You moan out an answer as best you can, running your tongue against him in approval until he finally releases his tension and follows the urges of his body. He doesn’t aim deep into you, but his pace is quick, surely bruising your esophagus, yet you cannot bring yourself to be bothered. The sensation is indescribable, his hands cupping the back of your head and the sheer heat of his body almost overrides the lack of oxygen in your lungs— and simply imagining the pleasure he is feeling because of you has electricity shooting down to your core. Jimin has his eyes glued to the sight of his cock disappearing into your mouth, but they quickly shift when your hands find their way to your chest to pull down the bra just enough so your nipples poke out, both hands pushing your breasts together to give him a sight that almost causes him to lose his load right then and there. His hips lose control, stuttering and twitching as his eyes widen comically at the dream-like image of you, and he is forced to pull away after little over a minute of fucking your face. “Fuck-!”

“Is something the matter?” You ask innocently, knees screaming out from your sustained position. The veins in your husband’s hand bulge as he grips himself so tightly his knuckles turn white, his length jumping every time he opens his eyes to look at you. His use of hard profanity is enough to tell you how much you have unraveled him and you revel in the accomplishment.

“Get up here.” He pants, taking your arm in his free hand and helping you to your feet. You hear him click his tongue at the redness of your knees, but don’t have much time to dismiss it before his lips are on yours. Jimin kisses you deeply as if your face is not sloppy with saliva and his precum. He kisses you like it could save lives. And above every filthy thing you have done with him, this kiss is what makes you feel a bashful heat color your cheeks when he pulls you closer.

“Am I to assume I performed well?” You mumble against his lips, eyes crossing slightly to see his smile.

“You were outstanding. So much so that I nearly came down your pretty throat.” Smugly, Jimin unclips your bra, parting from your lips after several minutes of kissing to trace his tongue down your neck until he reaches your chest, forgoing all teasing to wrap his lips around a pert nipple.

“Oh-“ A surprised yelp leaves you and he has to use his strength to keep you from falling over, your legs suddenly feeling like jelly. Your fingers card through his drying hair, tugging at the unbothered man as he has his fun marking and sucking at you. As always, his mouth works miracles, but you have never felt anything like this before. Each swipe of his tongue around your nub has you moaning out his name, when he twists at the other nipple your head falls back in absolute bliss. He’s not doing anything extraordinarily notable, but it is like your body has reached a sensitivity that is completely new to you both. Jimin certainly is enjoying it immensely. His eyes are closed but you can see how they crinkle gleefully at the sides, his cheekbones high almost as if trying to conceal his amusement at your reactions. With puckered lips, he suctions one of your nipples before pulling back to speak.

“I can’t wait,” He grazes his teeth over your other tit before continuing. “-until these fill up with milk for our baby. I’m sure you will look incredible carrying our child inside you— even more amazing than you already look, my love. So round and plump... your cute little womb filled to the brim with my cum and baby.” Your eyes roll when one of his hands slips down your panties to tease at your lips. A growl resonates in his chest at the feel of your wetness. “You like the sound of that, don’t you? What would the people say if they found out that their elegant Queen got soaking wet just from sucking cock and thinking of getting her pussy stuffed full of cum? Hmm? Surely they will know how filthy you are once they see you swollen with my child, walking around the kingdom so shamelessly after getting marked by my seed. They’ll know just how good you’ve been for me, darling.”

“I want them to know I’m yours; I want to be pregnant with your baby so badly!” You sob, hips bucking into his hand as soon as he makes contact with your clit.

He soothes you with soft kisses along your face, ending with a lick to the corner of your mouth as you pant out loud moans for him. “I know, love. The time will come soon enough.”

Once again his lips return to your chest, and the combination of his mouth and fingers has your walls fluttering and clenching around nothing. Even after he removes his hand from your panties to hold you closer to him, you feel the building of an orgasm. Your body is completely taken by his tongue and teeth as they suckle cherry blossoms into your skin. And when his wet fingers travel up to twist at your unattended nipple, you feel your body careening off the edge unexpectedly.

“J-Jimin, I-“ Your sentence is cut short by a long whimper, mind going blank at the pleasure. You are able to feel how your walls snap open and closed, each pulse growing more intense as the high drags on for what seems like an eternity to you. Jimin groans at the sounds you make and he looks on in awe from where he still laves at your breast as you bite down on your lower lip to ground yourself. He doesn’t mind the way you tug at his roots in your bliss. The pain only adds to the throbbing of his cock.

“So sexy,” He murmurs as you regain your senses. You seem embarrassed, unable to meet his eyes, and he questions it.

“I have never-“ Averting your eyes to the ground, you look for words in your scrambled mind.

“You’ve never cum like that before?” For some reason you find it slightly humiliating and you have no idea why. Were you really that sensitive from not having sex with him for a few weeks? Your nipples were never that receptive before. Nodding in agreement, you hide your face until Jimin lifts your chin with his finger. “Do not shy away from me, My Queen. You look gorgeous when you cum.” Before you can process it, his hands are yanking down your ruined panties, drenched all the way through and dripping. Your back connects with the wall next to the mirror as you are pinned against the surface with his weight. His fingers slide over your clit and you jolt, attempting to close your legs, but he is faster and jams his thigh between yours to hold you open. “In fact, you look so good that I want to see you do it again.”

Without warning, he plunges 2 fingers knuckle deep into you, searching with little trouble for that spongey area inside you. You are wet enough to lubricate his fingers until he drips down his hand, the slick part of his palm beginning to rub harshly against your clit when his fingers curl upwards.

“Oh fuck,” You gasp brokenly when he reaches your spot. Feeling you clench, Jimin hums and goes to work massaging the area with the pads of his fingers, pressing his other hand to your lower stomach to increase the pressure. Since the first time you squirted he has been almost obsessed with the sight, working diligently to figure out how to make you do it again. There have been many nights dedicated solely to that cause— nights that you endured with bright red cheeks each time he made fun of your fucked out expression and hoarse voice— it is to the point where he now knows your every weakness and can manipulate your body with mastery. He knows exactly how much pressure you like when his fingers are deep inside you. He knows just the right way to massage that sensitive area to get you to fall apart again even if you feel overstimulated. He knows how to move his entire arm to hit that spot each time without fail, his technique flawless as he moves rapidly inside your clenching heat. Almost like a balloon filling with water, you feel another high building up in your core frighteningly fast and the lewd squelch coming from between your legs soon becomes the loudest noise in the room.

“Let go for me,” Jimin encourages into your skin, burying his face in the crook of your neck and panting hot breaths. It is easy to tell how easily he gets himself worked up when pleasuring you. His hard, wet cock twitches incessantly against your thigh, teasingly close to where you want him, and the feeling alone has you galloping closer to your second release. “You look so beautiful like this, pushed against a wall and taking my fingers. I bet you are just starving for my cock, aren’t you, My Queen? I’ll give it to you right after you cum for me. I want you to show me how badly you want it by soaking my arm with your sweet juices.”

The filthy words he feeds you only add to the hunger you feel for him. One of your legs lifts to wrap around his waist, pulling him closer as the balloon in your core continues to grow. Your heart is in your ears, beating rapidly, and you have no other choice but to listen to him and release your pleasure. With one synchronized prod of his fingers and circle around your clit, you descend into depraved ecstasy and let the balloon pop. You black out slightly, ears ringing and body numb to the world except for everywhere that your husband touches you, but you are aware of the satisfied moan he gives at your obedience. Whispers of delicate praises tickle your chest as he rests his forehead on your collarbone to watch you soil the floors and his lower half with your clear cum. The sound of it splashing and splattering against each nearby surface is quite embarrassing but you can’t bring yourself to think of it when your legs are shaking this hard and your body is tingling with joy.

“Good girl,” You hear Jimin groan, pulling his fingers from you to wrap his arms around your waist so you don’t topple over on your wobbly leg. He figures it may just be easier to keep you up if both of your legs are off the wet floor, so he moves your other leg to wind around his waist before carrying you out of the room and away from the mess to the bed.

Your glazed eyes take him in as he stands above you, a hand running through his disheveled hair as he studies you as well. His face is flushed and sweaty and his chest rises and falls quickly, but you’re sure that is only partly due to the effort he has just put in. There are claw marks on his shoulders and you gasp. You hadn’t realized you were gripping him so tightly, but he doesn’t seem to mind the marks at all, focused entirely on the throbbing member between his legs. Your eyes drop down his toned body to where his hand leisurely strokes up and down his shaft, purposely avoiding the tip to keep himself on the edge. It is almost purple with built up pressure, likely painful by this point, and you will yourself to move your weak limbs to reach out for him, pulling him closer to invite him between your open legs.

He takes his place at your center, one hand pressing into the soft mattress beside your head as he leans over you. You want him to kiss you so badly, but you want him inside you even more. He acquiescences this by sliding into you smoothly before swooping down for your lips.

“Mm~ Jimin!” The thick girth of his shaft stretches you perfectly, ignorant of your ticklish sensitivity as it searches for the deepest spot within you. In no time at all Jimin’s hips are flush with your ass, lips and tongue swallowing your moans into his own mouth.

“(Y/n)-“ He moans in response. Eyes squeezed tight, he forces himself to remain still. “I lose my breath every time I take this dripping pussy of yours. I’ll never get used to it.” Flattered, you hide your face with his by pulling him in for another kiss. The two of you stay like this for a long while, adjusting to each other’s bodies and basking in the intimacy of the moment.

“My love, please move.” You whine when the stillness becomes unbearable, yet you grieve at the loss of his heat when he leans away to pull you closer to the edge of the bed.

The first thrust of his hips already has you squirming. Your slick makes it so easy for him to pump into you that he barely has to put in any effort at all, his hips snapping sharply into you from the beginning. You let your legs fall farther apart at his sides and bite your lip when Jimin’s eyes land between your thighs, staring intently at the place where your bodies connect. You’re sure he can see everything, from the way your lips spread open around his wide member, to the shiny streaks of your arousal that quickly slick the inside of your thighs. It’s like you can feel his gaze caressing you, your body feeling sensitive everywhere he studies. You moan unabashedly at the sensation.

“Do you like it, My Queen? Does this feel good?” He prompts, eager for your praise.

“Y-yes, I-“ It has been so long without his cock inside you that you can’t think clearly. All you can do is shout his name and cling to the bedsheets as he wraps his arms around your thighs and holds them flush against his front. The angle makes you stutter, his tip touching somewhere sensitive that has your thighs squeezing closed. “P-please, harder. Use me.”

“Keep these fucking legs open.” Jimin growls, thrusting more harshly now. You attempt to follow his command and unclench your thighs, but they shake violently as soon as they part and it takes immense focus for you to hold them there. Looking up at your lover, you see the dark look that overtakes his features, dominance radiating off of him as he gets lost in you. You haven’t seen this look on him in a long while, but you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t sexy. He looks like he wants to eat you alive, devour you whole and leave not a morsel of you left until he’s had his fill.

Watching Jimin gain so much pleasure from you takes you to another level of bliss. His fingers dig into your thighs as he pounds his cock within your depths, determined to pull more desperate sounds from your throat, and his teeth bite down on his plush bottom lip in concentration. Sweat now trickles down his brow from the humid heat of the room, undoing the bath he took prior and replacing the soap with the scent of sex that leaks from his pores. This man is undeniably the hottest person you have ever laid eyes on and you can’t help but clench around him at the visuals he’s giving you.

Feeling you clench, Jimin moans, dragging his eyes up your figure until they land on your breasts. They jolt with every harsh thrust he gives you and dance flirtatiously in front of him— he can’t look away. Suddenly, he leans down and snatches up your hands, pinning them above your head with his fingers intertwined with yours, nearly drooling at how delectable you look under him. Your breasts certainly look different, the shape has become rounder and they jiggle slightly more than he can remember, but Jimin doesn’t think much of this as he focuses on delivering hard strokes. You shiver when his tongue licks a stripe up your damp neck, sucking a spot just below your ear before nibbling the lobe. He knows this is a weak spot for you, and just as he expected, your walls tighten around him once more. You push against him, trying to free your hands, but he has them locked sturdily in his grasp, silently forcing you to submit to him. You probably want to wind your fingers in his hair or grip onto his biceps, but he won’t give up an ounce of power at the moment. Not while he is ravaging you like this. So you settle for squeezing his hands and soaking in their warmth, gasping breathlessly as he takes you. You are entirely at his mercy and you absolutely love it.

One of his hands moves down to grip your thigh and push it open, unlocking you from where you have been clenched around his hips. Both of your wrists now held in one hand and still pinned against the sheets. The bed frame creaks noisily as he changes pace, abandoning his hard and fast thrusts for a slow and deep grind that has your eyes rolling to the back of your head. Something feels different about you, about the way you feel around him as the head of his cock licks at your cervix. It’s softer than usual and open for him, almost begging for his sperm, and he thinks this is the perfect time to get you pregnant. He aims to stay deep inside you. Each powerful movement is purposeful, everything down to the slight arch of his back that allows his pubic bone to grind into your clit, and you feel like you’re going crazy.

“Oh fuck, Jimin! I’m close again!” Your voice is strained in your throat and he smirks at the sound. He can feel it, the swell of your walls around him as you near your third high, and he swears it’s tighter than usual. Your muscles begin to tense up and push against him, preparing for your inevitable release. And just because you feel like pushing his buttons today, you allow your thighs to attempt to squeeze closed again.

“What did I say?!” The depth of his voice shocks you briefly and your eyes snap open to look at him. His jaw is tight as his stare bores into you with deadly intensity. “Keep your fucking legs open. Or do I have to hold them for you?” You let out a whimper, not daring to move your hands from their raised position when he drops your wrists to push open your other thigh, leaving you dripping and exposed in front of him. Your skin dimples where his fingertips dig into you— though he is careful not to bruise you— and he seems to hit even deeper like this. “You used to be so well behaved, My Queen. Are you acting out just to get a rise out of me?”

You dodge the question. “Please, Jimin, please make me cum again.” You can hardly hear anything aside from the slap of his balls against your ass and the squelch of his cock pushing through your warm walls.

“You think you deserve to cum? What will you do for it?” A dark chuckle leaves his throat when he sees you genuinely thinking of a response, biting so hard on your lip that he fears it might bleed.

“Anything.” You breathe. You’re unsure of how long you can hold back your orgasm, he feels so good fucking you like this, pushing his whole length into you without mercy.

“Anything, darling?” A lecherous grin plasters itself onto his mouth at your expression. “Hm, are you just saying that because you’re desperate? I can tell it feels good, you’re leaking all over me. Do you like it when I go deep like this?” You nod with a whine, eyelids pressed closed to hold back from cumming. “Open your eyes. Look at how deep I am inside you.” Peeling your eyes open, you peer down at yourself upon his command and see where his own eyes are glued. A small bulge presses against your lower abdomen every time he pushes in, disappearing when he pulls out only to reappear with the next thrust. Neither of you can take your eyes off of the sight, absolutely mesmerized by it.

“Please, I’m so close!” You groan loudly.

“You say you’ll do anything, my love?”

“Yes!”

“Will you be a good girl and let me put my baby in you? Let me cum right here against this fertile womb and get you pregnant with my baby?” The effect of his dirty talk is immediate and you clamp down on him, barely holding back as his hand rests over the bulge in your tummy, adding the tiniest amount of pressure to it.

“I will! Please!” Tears wet your doe eyes as you look up at him, digging your nails into the soft sheets above your head to keep from moving your arms from their position. He notes this with a hum, speeding up his hips in reward for your obedience.

“I know you will. Now cum.” On command, your body lets go of all the pent up pressure in your core, gripping onto his length with unbearable strength. Your walls pulsate with so much force that you nearly push him out, and when he finally pulls out of you, you squirt once again over the ledge of the bed. His hands on your legs do nothing to quell the wild tremors that overtake you and the streams of tears that flow over the apples of your cheeks. You are truly a sight to see, flushed red and glowing with the aftermath of yet another ferocious orgasm. Your sensitivity once again shocks him into silence. He didn’t even need to touch your clit for you to climax.

His stiff member bobs like a flagpole in the wind as he takes you in. It’s so hard that it stands straight up against his abdomen, jumping with its own pulse. When you open your eyes it is the first thing you see, and your body heats up again.

“Can you take any more, my love?” Jimin questions with concern, tracing his hands up your waist soothingly.

“Always. I can always take more of you.” Despite the screaming in your limbs, you sit up abruptly and pull him down to the bed, rolling the two of you over as you lock lips. Jimin seems surprised but not opposed to the shift in power dynamics, sensing that you want to take the reins for now. Your fingers wrap around his base and line him up with your slit, showing not even a moment’s hesitation before dropping down and knocking the wind out of both of you.

“You do not have to-“

“No, Jimin, I want to. I am supposed to be treating you after all, let me make you feel good.”

Fuck, you’re hot. Not only do you look amazing on top of him, but your pussy feels much hotter than usual. And it’s so tight, as if it’s greedy for every inch of him and eager to suck out his release. He won’t last long like this, that is for certain. His hands support you as you shift into a squat above him— and maybe it’s the novelty of the position, but he swears it’s never felt this good before.

“I imagined this so many times, but I never thought I’d actually get to see you riding me like this.” He confesses in a strained breath. You press your palms into his chest to lift yourself up, lowering yourself experimentally before repeating the action with less restraint.

“Am I living up to your expectations?” It could just be the angle, but his cock feels unbelievably deep inside you, and you half expect it to hurt yet you feel no pain. There is not even the slightest bit of discomfort as he nudges at your womb and you attribute this to the three incredible orgasms you have already reached tonight.

“God, yes.” He can’t look away from where you impale yourself on him, your shaky legs spread wide to let him see every second of the erotic display. From the way you grip him every time you lift up, to the strings of your arousal and cum that weave a sticky web between your ass and his pelvis, and even to the way your clit swallows in delight, he almost goes lightheaded as he takes it all in. His throat bobs as he gulps, back arching off the sheets under your warm hands.

“Faster?”

You don’t wait for a response before you start speeding up. He’s close, you can feel it in the way he swells against your walls and see it in the way his neck and chest color that pretty pink color you adore so much. Your limbs are aching for relief and it takes all of your remaining energy to keep up your efforts, but you wouldn’t dream of stopping. No, you are determined to bring Jimin to his end no matter what. The high pitched moans he lets out for your ears only are more than enough motivation to keep going, but you are working for a prize much more valuable that the lovely sounds he makes for you. You want his cum. You want it so badly that it is the only thing you can think of, so despite the pain in your fragile legs as you bounce yourself as hard and fast as you can, you continue for him. You’ve never been afraid to put in a little effort, and this is something you are willing to work for.

“(Y/n), I’m gonna cum!” Jimin’s dialect shines through strongly as he grits his teeth through the pleasure you bombard him with. You know it must feel different for him, the pleasure is always so much more intense when you aren’t the one doing all the work, and this is the first time you’ve pinned him down like this. It’s the first time you’ve dropped yourself down to clamp your knees on either side of him and wrap yourself around his upper body as you pant into his neck, leaving sloppy kisses and coaxing him toward his high with whispered words. Now that the roles are reversed, you can see just how wrecked he is for you— the usually composed king now lies spread in a heap of matted hair, sweaty skin, and bitten lips, completely speechless and grasping onto your thighs in a desperate bid to hold onto his sanity. “Please, I- I-“

“Cum for me, My King,” You are sure your body has just about reached its limit, but you feel no pain or fatigue when you look into your lover’s eyes and find an unraveled man. “I promised I would take your cum and let you get me pregnant. Give it all to me, my love, I want it. Cum inside me, Jimin.”

Bucking his hips, Jimin loses all control and throws his head back in anticipation as he aids your movements with his strong arms. When he feels your lips on his chin, he leans forward and allows you to swallow his groans of pleasure, both of you starved for breath but unwilling to pull away from the kiss. Everything you have done for him tonight— wearing sexy lingerie, getting on your knees to please him, squirting not once but twice— culminates into this one moment and he doesn’t think he can take take it. It’s all too much. With three sharp thrusts from both of you, he climaxes with a shout, lifting you up along with him as his hips rise off the bed.

“Oh fuck!” Maybe you shouldn’t feel this way, but you giggle giddily at the state of rapture he’s in because of you. The veins in his neck pop out of his skin as he dumps spurt after spurt of his semen into you, and you think this is the biggest load he’s ever given you. It takes a long time for him to come down from his high and for a moment you wonder if he will be okay with the way he twitches and shivers as your hips roll to a stop.

He doesn’t seem to mind your weight resting on top of him, nor does he react to the light kisses you press to his drenched skin. He does, however, wrap his arms securely around you when you shift to roll off of him, holding you on top of his body until you both have caught your breath and can open your heavy eyelids enough to look at each other with tired smiles.

“I love you.” You grin, running your digits through his disheveled mop of hair.

“I love you more, My Queen.” He pulls you down for another kiss to silence whatever rebuttal you surely have prepared at the tip of your tongue because he knows what you will say. And the thought makes his heart swell.

It seems like hours pass before both of you can work up the strength to part from each other. You have to be carried to the bathroom because your limbs feel far too weak and Jimin is not yet willing to let you go from his embrace. He is mindful of the puddle that you left on the floor as he carries you to the bath, and both of you sink into the depths together to wash away all your sins. You stay like that until your toes are pruned and the water is slightly cooler than lukewarm, the time flying by as you talk freely about everything you can think of: your hopes for your future family, your day with Jackson and Lena, gossip about Lilian and her whereabouts— she has not yet returned to the lodge even at this late hour and you hope that she is safe, but more importantly, you hope that her night with that handsome male servant ends similarly to yours. She could afford to take tonight and tomorrow off to unwind a bit, you feel a tad guilty that her needs may be neglected in the kingdom as she tends to you nonstop in the castle. Sleep finds you both easily and you cannot drop the smile from your cheeks as you cuddle up with the man you love.

This afternoon would have been perfect if not for the way you were feeling. Sparse clouds float through the sunny blue sky, the mountains surrounding you blossoming with vibrancy, but the beautiful scenery is dulled in your bleary eyesight. The lightheadedness you’d felt upon arrival two days ago has returned, along with a pounding headache that dampens your mood.

Jimin and Jackson walk ahead of their queens, talking casually as though they had been friends for years. The sight makes your heart grow warm and you use it to distract you from your discomfort as you walk along the outside pathways to a different section of the enormous castle. Lena notices the shift in your demeanor fairly quickly, commenting that you look less energized than yesterday.

“Did you not sleep well last night?” She implores, her brow creased with worry.

“I had a very restful sleep last night, but it feels like my body is dragging behind.” You try to keep yourself from rubbing at your face. Royals are not supposed to show weakness and vulnerability in public, and even though you are only surrounded by Kyungsoo and a few of Lena’s servants, you wish to uphold your appearances. “I do not feel sick, however, so I do not think it is caused by illness.”

“Would there be any other reason for you to feel fatigued? We did spend quite a considerable amount of time in the heat yesterday.”

“Well,” The guards and servants lag behind you far enough for them not to hear your conversation, but you still lower your voice in modesty. “Jimin and I were intimate late into the evening...” You figure your late night activities are also the reason for the tenderness you feel in your breasts, your tight undergarments causing slight pain as they bind your chest.

“Ah, I see!” She beams back at you, giggling. “You were not used to such strenuous exercise. I have experience with that— one time Jackson kept me in bed for so long that I nearly fainted from dehydration! Jimin seems like he would have a lot of stamina, be careful with that one.” The wiggle of her eyebrows lifts your spirits a bit. Speaking of such lewd subjects is seen as unladylike, especially for royalty, but you find yourself uncaring of that when you are with Lena. You have never had a woman of your same age and status to converse with before, no one could ever relate or felt comfortable enough to speak freely with you. This closeness you have with her is a novel feeling— and it is likely that Jimin feels the same with Jackson.

“I’ll be sure to be mindful of that.” You smile, staring at the back of his head. Your husband turns to look at you when he feels your eyes as he passively listens to the other King recall a story, sending a wink your way before returning his attention to the man beside him.

“Is there any other possible explanation for your symptoms?” Redirecting your gaze to Lena, you catch how her eyes flicker down to your stomach, a small smile on her lips. As soon as you realize her meaning, you stiffen, legs nearly bringing you to a halt.

“No,” Your eyes fall to the ground. “I... do not think it is pregnancy. Before I departed from home I was examined by my doctor and she-“ You sigh. “I am not pregnant.”

“Hmm. Well, I have been pregnant 4 times and have experienced many symptoms with each of my children. What you described to me sounds familiar. Do not dismiss the idea just yet, (Y/n).”

Before you can even open your mouth to form a reply, you are hit with a wave of dizziness that makes the world spin. Kyungsoo is by your side in an instant, stabilizing you as someone asks if you are alright. You are led to a nearby bench where all of the servants crowd around you, Jimin rushing over when he hears the commotion.

“(Y/n)?! What’s the matter?” The world spins a little less when your eyes are closed, so you do not look up at him, but you can imagine the almost sickly worry covering his lovely face. You know he has been especially traumatized by the events of your wedding and you never want to put him in a situation like that again, but you can’t help the way your body feels. Distantly, you hear Jackson order a servant to get the doctor, footsteps skittering away as he comes to squat down in front of you.

“Are you ill?” Jackson’s voice calms the anxiety you weren’t aware you were feeling. It is frightening not knowing what’s going on with your own body. Lena’s words ring in your mind.

“N-no, it is just the altitude. I just need to rest for a minute.” Your excuse is almost convincing, but no one moves— except for Jimin, who moves closer to you on the bench to support your back. After a few minutes, your head begins to clear, though your vision remains blurry. Eyes silently peer at you from all sides and you can feel them hot on your skin, embarrassment now the prominent emotion you feel. “Please do not worry about me, I am fine, really.”

“Are you certain? We can rest here for a little while longer.” Jimin suggests gently, but for some reason this irritates you.

“I said I’m fine.” You snap, earning an even more concerned look from him. Just then, the doctor approaches, slightly out of breath and sweating. “I don’t need a doctor! I’m feeling better already. Look.” You no longer feel dizzy anymore so you attempt to stand, rising quickly from the seat to come face to face with Jackson as he rises as well. Jimin still has his arm around you, both men watching you closely. “See?” But as soon as you’re stable on your feet, the spinning returns as if on cue and you come toppling forward into Jackson’s arms, everything going black.

“You don’t need to do this, Jackson, I told you I feel okay now.” You grumble as he carries you to the infirmary inside the castle. He took you into his arms without hesitation when you fell, offering to carry you because Jimin was rapidly descending into distress. While you were only out for about 2 minutes before you regained consciousness, everyone had reacted as if you were dying.

Looking at your husband now, you can see how unnerved he has become. Because he is a General who has seen many battles, he has trained himself not to react emotionally in stressful situations— but you can read the look in his eyes as clear as day as he walks alongside you, watching you more closely than what is in front of him.

“That is what you said earlier, and then you fainted immediately afterwards. Do not worry, I don’t mind carrying you. I needed a little exercise today anyway.” Always a jokester, you crack a smile at his comment, rolling your eyes as the doctor leads him into a room to rest you on the bed. The doctor works quickly, taking a blood sample from you and leaving for the lab, having already taken your vitals when you initially passed out. “We’ll be waiting outside.” With that, Jackson takes Lena’s shaky hand and exits the room, leaving you in bed and Jimin hovering over you awkwardly.

“Please sit down, you are making me nervous.” You breathe. He blinks and nods absently, perching himself on the edge of the bed next to you. “Are you okay?”

“I should be asking you that.” He laughs dryly. Jimin bites his lip when you give him a sympathetic gaze and take his hand. Your words from the argument you had nearly a month ago echo in his head. This is a chance for him to open up to you about his emotions and seek your comfort, your expression shows that you are expecting it of him, so he takes a deep breath. There’s no use hiding his emotions from you. “Truth be told, I am a wreck. You fainting brought back some rather unpleasant memories.” He confesses.

“I’m sorry.” You really are apologetic, stressing him out is the last thing you ever wanted to do.

“It is not your fault. I just worry about you so much. I cannot bear to lose you, my love, and I feel so helpless when things like this happen, it feels like I always have to wait for others to come to rescue you.”

“Would you like to become a doctor so you are more prepared, then?” He wasn’t expecting that response and snaps his head up to look at you when you laugh. “You cannot control everything that happens to me, Jimin. It is okay to let others help. All I need is for you to stay by my side, your presence is more than enough.” He nods at this, accepting the kiss you plant on his cheek and squeezing your hands.

Long seconds of silence pass as you wait for the doctor to return. Then, a sudden thought pops into your mind that makes you groan aloud.

“Lilian is going to be pissed at me.” You can’t help but chuckle at the circumstances.

“Why is that?”

“I told her to take off today and enjoy her time here, but she was worried about me so she initially refused. I assured her of my health this morning before we left. I can only imagine to look on her face once she finds out what happened.” You do feel a bit bad, Lilian knows you better than anyone and it is clear that she could tell something was off, but you convinced her that her instincts were wrong and now you find yourself in the infirmary. She will surely put herself down over this incident because of her absence when you most needed her.

“You can worry about her after we confirm that you are okay. For now, let us focus on this.” Just then, the doctor enters the room again, coming to stand at the bottom of the bed as you and Jimin look up at them with expectant eyes. Your heart pounds in your chest. You’ve become so used to hearing bad news from doctors, you are almost conditioned to be nervous and guarded around them.

“(Y/n), I have determined the cause of your sudden collapse.” Jimin squeezes your hand tighter and you can feel the sweat on his fingertips. “It appears that you are pregnant! Congratulations! The blood tests showed high levels of-“

“Pardon?” You interject with a raspy voice. Your brain is having a hard time processing the words and you blink slowly for a few seconds, unaware of Jimin’s shell shocked expression. “I- H-how can this be? My physician tested me right before I left and she said I was not pregnant.”

“Well, it is entirely possible to get false negative results, especially when it is early in the pregnancy. I don’t think it reflects poorly on your physician, these things just happen sometimes and are completely out of our control. But looking at my test results and the symptoms you have been experiencing, I am certain that you are about 6 weeks pregnant.”

“B-but I bled last month.”

“For how many days?”

“One or two...”

“Then that was likely implantation bleeding, which is to be expected. Dizziness and even fainting are also fairly common symptoms, so there is no particular need to worry about today’s incident— though I recommend that you make sure to get adequate rest and nutrition to avoid complications in the future. Once again, congratulations.”

Finally, you drag your gaze over to your husband who has been silent since the doctor appeared, and his eyes are filled to the brim with tears when they connect with yours.

“You- (Y/n), you’re finally pregnant!” He whispers, and the way his voice cracks causes the dam to break within yourself and all of your emotions come flooding out. Before you know it you’re wrapped in his embrace, both of you simultaneously sobbing and laughing into each other’s necks from pure joy and surprise as the doctor excuses themselves from the room. It is like all of the building frustration from the past several months has been crushing you slowly and now that weight has been lifted, allowing you to breathe freely for the first time. Jimin feels similarly. He has been holding back so many of his emotions since you first started trying to get pregnant and that has taken a tremendous toll on his mind and body, but for the first time, he can finally release those emotions and let himself feel the heaviness of it all. He is crying harder than you are, soaking the top of your dress as you cradle his head to you and hold him there. His hands ghost over your waist and lower abdomen so delicately, as if protecting the growing life inside of you.

When you’ve both gotten yourselves together enough to allow Jackson and Lena to visit, they rush in without hesitation.

“Is everything okay?” Lena is by your side first, immediately noticing your red and puffy eyes. You’re a little bit hesitant to tell her because you know she’ll gloat about her “sixth sense”.

“Yes, I’m alright. We just found out that I am pregnant.” The room erupts into noise, the two of them sounding like an entire circus as Jackson nearly jumps on Jimin in a bear hug and Lena squeals excitedly beside you.

“I knew it! You dismissed me so offhandedly and it turns out that I was right! I have a sixth sense for these things, you know; you should trust me more often.” Just as expected.

“And here you were, just telling me how worried you were about not yet yielding an heir to the throne,” Jackson throws a heavy arm over Jimin’s shoulder. “I suppose we should celebrate before you depart in the morning. I will throw a lovely ball tonight in your honor!”

“Oh, I must oversee the preparations then! Get some rest, (Y/n), and congratulations again!” And just like that, the couple is gone, rushing back out of the room and leaving you and your husband giggling.

“I am sorry, Lilian.” You apologize for what feels like the thousandth time. She continues to pout as she helps load your belongings into the carriage, barely sparing you a glance.

“I knew I should have stayed; I had a feeling something would happen.” She turns to scowl, not necessarily at you but it is in your direction. “I cannot believe I missed such a huge announcement as well! Both Jackson and Lena found out before me, this is so unfair.”

“You sound like a child,” You snicker, taking Kyungsoo’s hand as he helps you into the carriage behind Jimin.

“Yes, well I think I am allowed to throw a tantrum just this once.” You catch Kyungsoo crack a grin at her, the first time you’ve seen any emotion from him, and it brings a smile to your own face.

“If it makes you feel any better, Kyungsoo found out after Jackson and Lena, too.” Jimin comments, taking your hand and pulling you into his side.

“It does not make me feel better because he still found out before me!”

The sun is still low in the sky but slowly rises as you depart from the kingdom. Once you return to the castle, there are many duties that you must take care of, and many traditional processes you will have to go through now that you are pregnant— you are carrying a possible future heir to the throne after all. But you have never been happier. For now it still feels surreal, even though you have waited nearly a year for this moment, but as soon as the people of your kingdom come to greet you and celebrate the news of your conception, the reality of the situation will hit and you are sure you will be overwhelmed with new challenges. Pregnancy is not an easy thing, but at least you will have Jimin with you to help you through it all, just as he has always done. You rest your head on his shoulder with a mischievous grin.

“So Lilian, how was your date the other night? You seemed rather cozy with that young man at the ball yesterday evening.”

“It was not a date!”

[mst3kproject]

Countess Dracula

In Countess Dracula we have the tale of a lonely old woman who discovers that she can make herself young again, just so long as she doesn’t mind having to murder somebody to do it (she doesn’t).  Our antiheroine uses this newfound youth to seduce the least interesting man in the movie, until at last her misdeeds catch up with her when her latest victim turns out to have been the wrong demographic to make the magic work.

Does that sound familiar?  Yeah, this is a very Leech-Woman-y movie.  It stars Nigel Green, the news announcer from Gorgo, and comes to us from Hammer Studios, home of Moon Zero-Two.  The director, Peter Sasdy, never made anything that wound up on MST3K but he did work on the legendary Pia Zadora bomb, The Lonely Lady.  Countess Dracula is not a wild ride, as its pace is fairly sedate, but it is certainly a ride nonetheless.

The count of somewhere or other has just died, leaving his realm to his nineteen-year-old daughter Ilona – and technically also leaving his spiteful widow, Elizabeth, free to marry her longtime lover Captain Dobi.  Most people would consider this a perfectly acceptable retirement, but Elizabeth is impossible to satisfy.  She doesn’t want to grow old while Ilona (currently on her way home from finishing school in Vienna) rules the county and gets all the attention.  When Elizabeth discovers that bathing in the blood of virgins restores her youth, she embraces murder as a hobby and has Ilona locked up so she can stay in charge while posing as her own daughter!  In that guise she sets out to pursue handsome young Imre, the son of her husband’s most trusted general, while jealous Dobi can only sit and seethe.

I bet you think you can guess how this movie ends.  I bet you think Dobi tells Imre the countess’ secret, and the two of them defeat her.  Or else the real Ilona escapes and meets him, they expose Elizabeth as a fraud, and then get married and rule the land with justice and mercy or something.  That’s what would happen in a normal movie… but you guys know I don’t watch normal movies.  Maybe instead you’re guessing that nobody does shit and Elizabeth just carries on her merry way until she’d destroyed by her own hubris?  That’s more like it.

Not all of Hammer’s films were good, but they were generally pretty well-made and Countess Dracula is not an exception.  The elaborate costumes and sets are very nice, although areas like the town square are obviously artificial and the old lady makeup on Ingrid Pitt as Elizabeth is pretty bad.  There’s also a young woman made up in very ugly brownface as a ‘gypsy girl’, except they totally forgot to do any makeup on her for the scene where her naked corpse is discovered in the woods.

There are even a couple really well-done moments of storytelling and worldbuilding.  A scene in a pub, when everybody falls silent as Dobi and Imre enter, shows eloquently how terrified the peasants are of the aristocracy. Elizabeth gets some chilling bits when we see the true depth of her depravity.  She sees no difference between controlling people through love and controlling them through fear – either way, she gets what she wants, and their feelings don’t matter.  My favourite detail is the subtle cultural conflict going on in the background, as the characters speak disparagingly of ‘Turks’ and yet have clearly picked up some bits and pieces of Ottoman culture.

Although its plot outline is very similar to The Leech Woman, the philosophy of Countess Dracula is completely different.  The Leech Woman didn’t really give June a viable alternative to her poisoned fountain of youth.  Old women in its world can only sit around and drink and know that nobody loves them. Elizabeth, however, has a possible future – Dobi repeatedly notes that he’s been waiting twenty years for the opportunity to legitimatize his relationship with her.  He would have happily devoted himself to her for the rest of his life, and the two of them could have lived in retirement while Imre and Ilona gave them grandchildren to spoil.  Dobi even says there is dignity in age, directly contradicting The Leech Woman by applying it equally to both sexes.  June was more or less forced to become a monster, while Elizabeth chooses it explicitly.

So there’s honestly some pretty good stuff in this film.  Where it unfortunately falls on its face is with the characters, none of whom can really be said to have an arc, and the ending, which is rushed and unsatisfying.

The movie’s main focus is always on Elizabeth, but she refuses to grow or learn anything at any point.  She starts off as a nasty, selfish bitch and just stays a nasty, selfish bitch.  She has no actual master plan, but seems convinced that she can keep up this charade indefinitely, even though Dobi points out the impracticality of that.  Dobi believes she’s going mad, but the truth seems to be she’s just horrible.  She is evidently terrified of growing old, but that is never explored.  We see her react to aging, rather violently at times, but we never find out what the root of this fear is.

All this means that Elizabeth, despite being the focal character, is never sympathetic.  June in The Leech Woman at least started off as somebody we could pity, before she descended into depravity.  Elizabeth is a terrible person from the get-go, as illustrated in the very opening when she has her coachman run over a peasant who wants her to fulfill a promise her late husband made her.

Imre and Ilona are pretty much complete ciphers. Imre spends the entire movie in Elizabeth’s thrall one way or another.  He is madly in love with her in her guise as Ilona, and after finding out the truth he’s too scared of her to openly defy her.  The only personality trait he manifests is gullible foolishness, and any sympathy we might have had for him evaporates when he cheerfully kisses a barmaid’s tit on the same day when he’s proposed marriage to the woman he believes is his true love.  Ilona spends most of the movie locked up in some mute peasant’s hut doing not much. When she finally enters the story properly, she comes across as stunningly stupid.

The character who does the most to try to thwart Elizabeth is her lover Dobi, but he’s less interested in stopping her from killing virgins than he is in having her to himself.  He gets Imre drunk and tosses him in bed with the barmaid in the hope that Elizabeth will reject him, and later takes Imre to see Elizabeth bathing in blood to youthen herself.  These things don’t work, partly because Imre is an idiot and partly because Elizabeth is always more evil than he thought she was, but at least he tries.

At the end of the movie, Elizabeth’s latest bloodbath wears off in the middle of her wedding to Imre, and she runs off to murder Ilona in order to make herself young again.  Imre tries to stop her and gets stabbed for his trouble, which does at least expose Elizabeth’s evildoing to one and all, and she and Dobi are hanged. What happens to Ilona I’m not sure, but I know they didn’t have therapists in the seventeenth century.  Nobody wins here.  It’s a downer for everybody, including the superstitious peasants, who will continue to be terrified of their rulers now that their worst fears have been confirmed.

Several things might be made of the fact that it’s young women Elizabeth is killing.  It’s interesting to note that the idea of male virginity is never even brought up.  We could contrast two depictions of motherhood, in the form of Elizabeth’s jealousy of Ilona versus Juli the nurse’s unconditional love for her.  There’s Imre’s description of ‘Ilona’ as embodying all aspects of womanhood, to which Dobi replies that no woman can be maiden, mother, and whore all at once… yet that is just what Elizabeth is trying to be.  What I find interesting in this, however, is how the movie depicts Elizabeth’s own internalized misogyny, in the fucked-up attitudes she displays towards youth, beauty, and gender.

Elizabeth feels that age and experience have made her undesirable.  Dobi assures her that he finds her as attractive as he ever did, but she evidently does not believe him, and her mistreatment of her female servants has a definite note of jealousy in it.  She kills young virgins not only to gain their desirability, but because she hates them for what they have and she does not.

What’s unusual is that she applies this same attitude towards the men in her life.  Elizabeth is no longer attracted to Dobi, because he is old and experienced. Their affair has gone on for years, and in Dobi’s mind this has only deepened his love for her – but Elizabeth is tired of it and wants something new.  Imre is young, handsome, and innocent.  He has no wealth of his own and has not yet really accomplished much in life, but Elizabeth doesn’t care.  If all she has to be is young and pretty, then how could she ask anything more of him?

Here, Dobi and Elizabeth represent two different versions of gender equality as it applies to sexual attractiveness, with him raising Elizabeth to his level, and her lowering Dobi and Imre to hers!  Elizabeth treating the men in her life as she has been treated illustrates the inequality quite sharply, but what ultimately destroys her is applying the same standards to herself.  She believes so totally that nothing else matters as long as she is beautiful that she doesn’t care what she has to do to accomplish it, or who sees her do it.  In the end, she is undone by her own self-loathing.

[yichens]

Huo Dao Fu

Because I am kinda obsessed with him

ooohhh i was so excited when i saw this ask!! i’ve always wanted to think about huo daofu some more bc we see so little of him and he’s just so cool. so i don’t blame you for your obsession haha. i wish you get something out of my ramblings!

(placing under a cut so that everyone doesn’t have to be subjected to huo daofu’s very scrutinizing stare. also, spoiler alert for sand sea ig?)

How I feel about this character

Damn this is difficult. I still remember when I got introduced to Huo Daofu in Reboot and was absolutely livid with him. How he refused to help Pangzi and was just frying some damn dumplings like?? Sir??? There is a dying man at the back of that van, please do something??? But at the same time, I was just about to burst with all of the questions I suddenly had because I didn’t know who he was or who he was to Wu Xie and why he would be Wu Xie’s last resort at the doors of death but. He was so cool? And I instantly wanted to know everything about him imagine my disappointment when I learned so little at the end).

So, after my initial shock had faded, I ended up liking him. He is possibly the coolest character in the whole of DMBJ. I would kill for him, though I think he would kill me instead for that if I ever dared. He’s just so capable. I love how unaffected by everything he is while still caring about others a lot. He’s one of those “Mention an emotion to me and I will run away screaming” -type of people. I adore that. Though I am also very curious about how he ended up being like this.

And then we get to Sand Sea where I was so happy to see him again? Even more so because that version of him was somehow so different! He was being so powerful. I could feel him oozing some kind of commanding aura while still standing by that Chen guy. I knew he was in charge. Everyone else knew he was in charge too. He knew he was going to abandon that man’s ass as soon as possible. 

And then I hated him for Yang Hao because. Yeah well. I guess Yang Hao made his own (bad) choices there but that is not a way to treat anyone in that type of situation. But then there was also the glimpse of care Huo Daofu showed to Yang Hao and? Yeah. he is so complicated. I want to pry him apart. I want to make him spill his every secret so that I can inspect him properly. I want to see more of him because he is just so full of mysteries and I adore him as a very unwillingly willing part of this team. He is doing amazing (especially with the outfits!)

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I don’t know if it can be called shipping but I really do believe that he and Wu Xie were a thing at some point. Maybe sometime a lot before the events of Sand Sea. Maybe they dated for a couple of months and everything about it was very bad and toxic. Maybe they still cared for each other with all the heart they had left at that point. I don’t think they ever loved each other or actually acted like a proper couple with all of which Huo Daofu would call “lovey-dovey bullshit” but I think they got attached. There was some type of security found in the other’s presence maybe. Something good but twisted in colliding like that, in all the bad ways. I don’t know, I just really like the thought. And somehow all their bickering in Reboot and the way Wu Xie says, “There was something between us” (partly because I was not aware of Sand Sea) made me just instantly go, “Ah, so they’re exes.” Also, they make way too many eyes at each other? I have no idea what that is about if not this?? Damn.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Hmm. Huo Daofu doesn’t really create that many specific bonds but I do adore him as the member of our Desperado Fam in Reboot. He comes to care for those people and they come to care for him. Especially him with Bai Haotian stands out for me because that feels like something that could really bloom. Huo Daofu might appear cold and emotionless but I think no one can stay like that in front of Bai Haotian’s brightness. I also feel like those two could collide mentally? In a way that like, they would really be on the same wavelength with each other? They are both very intelligent and part of some type of organization (army and Warehouse 11, both in the past now I suppose) that has used them and they have run from in a sense? To have this new life? I don’t know. But I feel like they would understand each other.

Then there are Huo Daofu with Yang Hao and Xiuxiu. I talked about him and Xiuxiu in my post for her so you can check that out if you want (here’s a link). I like the thought of them and explained them more there so I’m not wasting more space on that. And I really want to talk about his fragile and very bad, very good relationship with Yang Hao! Because yes, they are absolutely horrible in Sand Sea. I didn’t want that for Yang Hao and I was crying so much as all of that was happening but I do like the thought of them together. They are somehow very similar? Both outsiders and not as confident as they appear to be. Both in some way abandoned by the world. Both ready to do anything to survive. I think Huo Daofu manages to get under Yang Hao’s skin so well because he sees something familiar in this young boy (and absolutely despises it). Their relationship is very complicated and absolutely toxic, but they intrigued me so badly. I wanted to see more of them. I wanted to see them developing together and finding the dynamic that works for both! Because there is that one brief moment in Gutongjing where they are running away from that horrible place where all the Jiumen Association people want to go where Huo Daofu shows concern. He protects Yang Hao. He seems to take him as his responsibility and considers his safety. And that spark was somehow everything I needed to fall in love with their dynamic.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I gotta once again say that I don’t really know about any opinions regarding DMBJ in general, less so about Huo Daofu. I guess he could be someone that people don’t like but I also know that over here, everybody adores him or is at least fascinated by him. So, feel free to ask me anything if you have any thoughts yourself! I am open to any discussion regarding him ^^

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

Many things because we see so little of him? I wish we got to see stuff about his army surgeon days. I wish we got to see stuff about him with the Huo family perhaps? I wish we saw something about his childhood or his teenage years. In Reboot, I wish he was even more present because now he just walks in and out every time they need someone with medical skills. And I know that he wouldn’t be there for anything else than his vow as a doctor because he tries his best to keep himself unattached but! I wanted more of him. It would be so interesting to see him with even more different characters. I keep thinking about how he would be with Liu Sang or Xiaoge or Hei Xiazi. I want to understand him more. I want more of him bickering with people and being his bitchy self because I love that for him.

thanks a lot for your ask! i really wish this gave you something bc huo daofu is someone i have problems wrapping my head around. he’s amazing still and i loved talking about him! have a wonderful day ^^

[meteor752]

I made a joke post about Legolas and Aragorn adopting a baby Geralt and raising him a few weeks ago, but I can’t get it out of my head, so I’m gonna expand on that AU. First post can be found here

So Legolas and Aragorn are basically just out on a vacation in the eastern part of Middle Earth, just taking a break and chilling around you know, when they stumble upon a child just outside the kingdom of Rivia (Yes I am keeping that)

The child is about three or four years old, with the peculiar outward appearance of big Yellow eyes and almost white hair, and it doesn’t seem to mind being out alone in the middle of the forest.

Both Legolas and Aragorn decide though that they will try to find the child’s parents, and they spend two days in Rivia searching for the parent of the child, or just someone who knows something, but they get no results. Most people are repelled by the child, saying that it’s cursed or the result of witchcraft, and both Aragorn and Legolas take offense by that as they had gotten attached to the child.

On the third day they eventually give up, and after a long discussion they decide to adopt the child, as again, they both got attached real fast.

When the two return to Gondor with the small boy whom they named Geralt, a lot of people get quite surprised, mostly because what and why. Their respective families have the same reaction.

The two realize quickly that Geralt is not a normal child.

First, they have no idea what he is. They first thought human, but when small bursts of magic started to come from him, and when his acute sense of smell was discovered, they scratched that idea.

Second, he refused to part with his wolf medallion. They didn’t know why, it had been inspected by a lot of people, including Gandalf himself, but it didn’t seem to have any type of spell or curse on it that made him so fiercely attached to it. And he couldn’t tell them anything about it because-

-Three, he barely speaks. At first they thought he was mute or deaf or something alike, but that didn’t seem to be the case as he could hear, and he did utter a few words here and there. He just chose not to speak, and mostly made cute little grunts when people spoke to him.

Legolas became a mother hen very quickly, and was very loving towards his strange child, and as a child Geralt didn’t mind it too much. As an adult however, then he just wishes his ada would stop smothering him (He secretly loves it).

Aragorn is a lot less lovey dovey, but still very caring and Geralt loves to be around him. He was very quick with teaching his child both sword techniques and manners, but his major priority was teaching him how to care for a horse.

Geralt was not a shy kid as many people believed, When it came down to it he was more than able to voice his opinion. He just, doesn’t like to talk. And because of that fact, he also grew up to be very poor with words and having a problem formulating himself, which backfired a few times in his life.

The thing is, he doesn’t like when others talk either. He just wants to sit around and brood in silence like the angsty boy he is, but none of his family members allow him to, as they are all very chatty and cheery.

Especially his two uncles Elladan and Elrohir and his aunt Tilda, like whenever either one of them are around he can kiss peace and quiet goodbye for at least a few days. It’s even worse when it’s all three.

Geral’t strange magic became a problem early on, as it was very unpredictable. He could do more simple things like start fires and create a protective shield, but also literally manipulate minds, which was not a pleasant thing, especially as he had a hard time controlling it in his youth.

Gandalf tried his best to teach the boy to control his magic, and he did manage to get a hang of it, but sometimes it could still act out in his adulthood when he felt particularly stressed out or angry.

That wasn’t the only problem that came with Geralt being of unknown origin, as sometimes Aragorn and Legolas didn’t know how to properly raise the boy, and what he really needed.

For example, when Geralt was around seven he fell ill. And with that I mean really ill, many feared that he would not survive.

Both Legolas and Aragorn were devastated and the former spent nearly all his time holding and cuddling his shaking and whimpering baby who was in too much pain for the caring parent to handle, and he started to stop eating just to always be able to be by his son’s side.

Aragorn couldn’t afford to drop all of his duties as king, even though he wanted to, but his mind was very absent during everything he did that did not involve caring for Geralt.

Geralt eventually got better, thankfully, but neither Aragorn nor Legolas would ever forget the fear they had felt for almost five months of their still small and fragile son being so close to death.

Geralt’s magic wasn’t only a bunch of negative stuff, it did also come to some benefits in his youth, especially when it came to worrying his Ada.

At around nine Geralt found out that he could temporarily vanish, aka become invisible, if he focused on it enough, which meant that his parents were forced to place a bell on him just to make out where he was. He took it off quite often and would usually be hanging around his frantic Ada, sipping his juice box and watch the scene unfold,

(And I know that’s not really in the Witcher canon, but I just thought it would be cute and this is my AU so fuck off)

Not too long after Geralt got a half elf cousin by the name of Brand, at at first he was confused by the small thing and why he was supposed to care, but as Brand grew older and learned to sit up and make noise, Geralt hated the small thing and just wished for it’s demise. It did not help that his parents loved the kid and would gladly babysit when the thing’s parents were busy, which meant he was forced to be around it.

When Geralt turned twenty two he left Gondor to find his own path (Much to his Ada’s terror because there’s so many ways for him to get hurt Aragorn how are you so calm about this), only equipped with the bare essentials for a life on the road, including a mare he named Roach, a descendant of Brego.

Geralt was very quick to pick up on his father’s habit of having conversations with his horse, and Roach was quite a good listener.

Geralt found his purpose when a child ran up to him while in a village and asked if he could slay the monster that had killed his sister in exchange for money, as his family had seen his swords.

Geralt complied, partly because he could need the money and partly because it would be nice to help, even though his facial expression remained a grim scowl.

And after killing the thing and nearly dying himself in the process, he figures that he needs to do some research on different types of monsters and how to beat take them down before he starts going about.

He also starts carrying potions with him that he acquires from mages and witches across Middle Earth, just to make it easier to hunt and to heal himself after the fact.

But it is not everyone who appreciates his help unfortunately, as many turn him down just by his strange and uncanny appearance, and by his grim attitude that often scare people off.

It does not help that he introduces himself as Geralt of Rivia instead of Geralt Greenleaf of Gondor, just so people wouldn’t know who he was and treat him differently, but it does result in people having no idea he’s the son of a king and a crown prince so they treat him like shit if they want to.

It does not get better by the events in Blaviken, that Geralt would rather not speak off, especially to his parents.

It is first when he meets a young cheery bard that reminds him of an annoying bird that people start to respect him more, after the bard creates a ballad about him.

(Toss a coin would obviously sound a little different since in this AU the term ‘Witcher’ doesn’t exist and I doubt he would “Thrust every elf far back on the shelf” if he himself is part elf by adoption, but it is till toss a coin)

And both Aragorn and Legolas are just delighted at hearing the song because they are just so happy for their son, if not a little confused on why he is called Geralt of Rivia, but still yay!

(The bardlings love singing it together when they are around each other, as they love their nephew and is also all music loving people)

There’s also the mage that he encounters from time to time (And with encounter I mean they fuck, because well, Geralt is related to both Legolas and Tilda after all), whom the Bard, Jaskier, hates.

And then he gets an invitation to the wedding of Arwen and Éowyn while around both Jaskier and the mage, Yennefer, and they both are just as confused because “Wait you have a family?”

And the minute they find out about Geralt’s large, loud and quite famous and royal family, they are both pestering him about following to the wedding because they want to meet the people who raised Geralt, and he gives in after a lot of nagging and begging.

So when Geralt shows up in Rivendell with a brightly dressed bard and a gothic mage, well let’s just say it’s interesting.

Legolas is delighted that his little Gerry has made some friends while also checking on him that he is alright and Geralt hates in while Yen and Jaskier are having a blast.

Jaskier is really smug about the fact that Geralt is actually related to a bard in a way, with his Ada’s step siblings mother being one, and the three take after her with their own musical talent.

Jaskier and Sigrid gush a lot about different songs together.

And Tilda is just shamelessly flirting with the sexy gothic mage while Geralt regrets every single decision he’s ever made.

And of course Brand is there being an asshole while flirting with Jaskier, and again, Geralt regrets everything.

A betting pool is set up on who they think Geralt will end up with, Jaskier or Yennefer.

Geralt just craves death.

***

I tried to incorporate as much of the Witcher lore as I could, but I also had to take into account how Middle Earth works, which is very hard.

I mean, one is Polish and the other from New Zealand.

I don’t know what Geralt is supposed to be exactly, maybe some sort of Fae or Elf half breed, or maybe he is a mutant like the actual Witcher’s.

Anyways, this was fun, and I really wanna make more of this AU, because I love it. It’s not canon in my Universe though, sadly, because it just wouldn’t work.

[imagine-all-the-imagines]

Chance Meeting

Written for @avengerscompound’s Kate's 1000 Word Challenge.

Prompt: Petrichor - The pleasant, earthy smell after rain. ClintxReader.

Warnings: Drinking, break up, reader being clumsy. If I missed anything, please let me know.

________________________________________________________________

On a Friday night, you can typically be found in your sweatpants and baggy sweater curled up on your couch watching the latest serial killer documentary. But not this Friday night. No, your friends weren’t going to let you spend this one alone.

It had been a year since you had a particularly rough breakup. He said that he felt guilty because you kept lending him money or buying things for him when he couldn’t pay you back for them. He told you. “Your goal in the world is to save everyone.” You didn’t understand how that was a bad thing, how could wanting to help people be a bad thing? Maybe some people didn’t want to be helped? That phrase turned over and over in your head as you tried to figure out where you went wrong.

This caused you to keep to yourself, only going to work and the occasional girl’s night when your friends forced you out. That’s what was happening tonight. You had heard the knock on your door and suddenly you were surrounded by your friends and had a dress shoved into your hands with the insistence that you “put it on, immediately!” One of your friends grabbed your makeup and the other started on your hair as you shimmied into the dress. The soft deep purple fabric surrounding you.

It took almost an hour, but eventually you were ready. You and your friends stared at your reflections.

“Hot damn, we look fantastic.” Your friend Andie said giggling, “No one will be able to stop staring!”

Lily nodded, bumping you with her shoulder, “Good thing too, because someone needs to get some tonight!”

You groaned and let out a dry laugh, “Guys, please, that’s so not going to happen. I’m probably just going to sit at the bar and drink until you guys find someone to go home with and then I’ll head home, alone, and watch something.”

That was met with “Boooooo” from your friends. You laughed at their reaction and grabbed your phone and purse leading the others out the door and out to get a taxi.

________________________________________________________________

After getting to the address that Lily had given the driver, you stared up at the building. “You have got to be fucking kidding me. This can’t be the right place!”

“Nope, this is it. Did I not tell you that my work had gotten invited and I got to bring guests?” Lily said, wide smile on her face.

“Lil! This is the fucking Stark Tower! As in, the Avengers live here!” You couldn’t believe it, “You mean to tell me, it conveniently slipped your mind that you were dragging me to the Stark Tower for a party with the Avengers?”

“Yeah, that must be what had happened.” Lily grabbed your hand and started to drag you inside. When you started to refuse, Andie grabbed your other hand and the two towed you in.

Lily flashed her invite to the man at the front and you all were ushered to the elevator. You started to wring your hands together and Andie grabbed them gently.

“Hey, this will be fun, just try to relax. We can hit the bar first.”

You smiled at her, grateful for the comfort, “Bar first, I like that Idea.”

The elevator stopped and you took a deep breath. When the doors opened, you were in awe, the room was decked out in lights and silver and gold decorations. You saw the logo of Lily’s work up on a podium.

“Wow, this looks great!” you said, still taking everything in.

“Thank you! We wanted it to look the best for the company tonight, we are honored you let us host this for you all.” A woman with red hair said, walking up to you. “I’m Pepper Potts, Mr. Stark’s assistant, and the only reason he ever gets anywhere on time.”

Your eyes widened, “Ms. Potts, it is so nice to meet you, you’re practically a legend. The fact that you can keep Tony in line is amazing.”

Pepper smiled at you, “Well, thank you again, and please, call me Pepper. Everyone does.”

All you could do was smile and nod at the woman as she excused herself and went to mingle more.

You turned to your friends, eyes wide, “Guys! I just had a conversation with The Pepper Potts! She is amazing. I want to be around her all the time. I felt more organized and productive just being around her and I wasn’t even working on anything!”

Andie laughed, “Look at you, meeting new people and immediately fangirling over them. I knew this was a good idea.”

You gave Andie a playful shove, “Shush, we’ve only been here like fifteen minutes, this was probably the best thing that will happen all night.”

The three of you went off to find the bar and you ordered yourself a drink as you sat on the bar stool and observed the party.

There were people dancing in the middle of the room as the DJ played music just loud enough that you knew you’d have a sore throat from trying to talk with Lily and Andie.

________________________________________________________________

After a couple drinks, you were feeling loose enough that you grabbed Lily and Andie and dragged them to the dance floor, the three of you dancing like you were the only people there. Laughing with each other and twirling each other around. It felt nice, you hadn’t let yourself feel this free for a while.

Eventually, you decided you needed a break, promising that you would find them again, you headed back to the bar and ordered another drink before going on an adventure around the room.

As you were walking around, you were so preoccupied taking in your surroundings, you didn’t notice the man walking in your direction until it was too late. Crashing into him and losing your balance. You expected to fall and anticipated the pain on your tailbone, but that never happened. You looked and saw the arm around your waist.

“Hey, you ok? I didn’t see you there, I didn’t mean to run into you.” The man rattled off without taking a breath.

You shook your head, trying to reassure him, “I’m ok, maybe a little twist in my ankle, it’s nothing I’m not used to. I think it’s partly my fault too, I wasn’t paying attention.”

The man pulled his arm away, “Well, if we’re both at fault, then I guess that cancels it out! No one is at fault! I’m Clint by the way.”

You laughed, “I like your logic, Clint. I’m Y/N.”

Clint smiled at you, “I was about to join my friends, you want to come with? I promise they’re a lot of fun.”

You glanced around to see your friends dancing and watching you. When you locked eyes with Lily, she gave you a big smile and a thumbs up. “Well, I was going to say that I needed to check in with my friends, but it looks like they’re more than ok if I go with you.”

Clint looks over towards your friends and gives them a slight wave, “I’m glad they trust me enough to take you away.”

“Honestly, at this point I think they’d be ok if I went with any guy, their expectations are super low when it comes to me.” You said with a shrug and Clint gave you a questioning look. “Bad break up, they just want me to get out there more.”

Clint nodded in understanding, “Ah, makes sense. Well, I promise, nothing bad will happen with me around.”

“Thanks Clint. Now, where are those friends of yours?” You asked.

“Right this way, ma’am.” Clint said, offering you his arm.

You and Clint walked along the wall until you came to a door open a crack. Clint pushed the door open and the brightness of the room made your eyes take a moment to adjust. When they finally did, you let out a gasp.

“Y/N, these are my friends, Steve, Nat, Thor, and Bruce, Tony is still out in the crowd entertaining, I’m sure he’ll come in in a bit.” Clint said gesturing to each person as her introduced them. “Guys, this is Y/N.”

You stood there in shock before turning to Clint. “Wait, that means you’re Clint!”

“Yeah, I said that when I introduced myself.” Clint said nodding slowly.

“No! That means you’re Clint Barton, aka, Hawkeye, aka, one of the coolest Avengers like ever.” You turned to the others, “No offense guys.” You turned back to look at Clint you looked at him more closely. You could see his features better now that you weren’t in the dimmer event room.

“Well, yeah, I guess that does. But tonight, I’m just Clint, just like they’re just Steve, Nat, Thor, and Bruce.” Clint said, giving you a small smile.

You nodded, “Right, you’re right, I’m sorry, I just couldn’t believe that I didn’t notice it before.”

Natasha laughed behind you, “Don’t worry about it Y/N, come on over and sit, we were just about to start playing a game.”

 You smiled at Natasha and went to sit on the couch. Before you sat down, you properly introduced yourself to everyone and then sat down by Thor and Clint came to sit next to you.

________________________________________________________________

You weren’t sure how long you had been in that room, all you knew was that you and the Avengers were learning plenty about each other. You learned juicy secrets about everyone while playing Never Have I ever, and they learned that you are a terrible liar while playing Two Truths and a Lie.

At some point, Tony came in with a tray of alcohol and you took one of the drinks, nursing it. You were making sure that you had plenty of water too. You knew if you didn’t, you were going to hate yourself in the morning.

By the time the Avengers mini party was starting to wind down, you had all of their phone numbers and other ways to contact them. Thor’s was the best, he gifted you a small ring with a raven on it. He explained that if you ever needed him, all you had to do was turn the raven and a messenger bird would come and take your message to him. He also gave you his phone number, but you thought this way was more fun.

When Clint gave you has number, he made sure you knew that he didn’t mind if you contacted him even when it wasn’t an emergency. You smiled at him, “Does that mean you want to talk to me more?”

Clint brought a hand up and rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeah, I’d like that. I mean, if you want to.”

You gave him a quick peck on the cheek, “I think I will.”

You didn’t know it, but Natasha had watched the entire interaction with a grin on her face. She was happy for Clint, but she also knew that if he ever messed this up, she’d have to fight him. You were already one of her favorite people.

________________________________________________________________

When the party was finally over, you got up and stretched. Clint was up and by your side in an instant.

“I think I need to head home, it’s been a long night.” You said while stifling a yawn.

“Do you want me to walk you home, or drive? I’m not sure how far it is.” Clint asked.

“We can walk, it isn’t too far, maybe a fifteen minute walk. My friends just hate walking, so we took a cab.” You said, shrugging.

You said goodbye to everyone, giving out hugs and promising to keep in touch with everyone before turning and taking Clint’s arm and walking out the door.

“How much does someone want to bet that they’re planning on going on a date by the time that they get to her house?” Natasha asked after the door had closed.

“No way, Clint won’t go for it. He’ll get too self-conscious and back out of it.” Tony said.

“You’re on. Fifty bucks?” Nat said extending her hand.

“It’s a deal.” Tony said shaking Natasha’s hand.

________________________________________________________________

As you and Clint walked down the street arm in arm, you talked about everything, family, jobs, conspiracy theories, everything.

When you were about halfway home, you heard the sound of thunder. Looking up at the sky, you saw that clouds had rolled in and they were looking heavy with rain.

“Shoot, looks like we’re going to get caught in the rain.” You said, looking around for a place to take cover.

“Don’t worry, I brought my jacket, you can use it if you want. It has a hood.” Clint said, shrugging out of his jacket and holding it open for you.

You put in on and wrapped it closer to you, “Thank you, Clint. But now you’ll get all wet.”

“I don’t mind it. I’ll just grab a cab to get back after I get you home.” Clint said looking at you.

“Well, we better hurry then. Don’t want you to melt.” You said giving a laugh.

The rain started to fall within minutes. You reached down and took off your shoes so you could walk a bit faster. It was absolutely pouring when you got to your apartment complex and you both stood under the awning laughing as water dripped down your faces.

“Well, looks like we couldn’t beat it.” You said, slightly out of breath.

Clint laughed, “I never thought we would, but it was fun to try.”

You both stood under the awning, watching the rain slowly let up until it was just a drizzle, until finally it had all stopped. 

You laughed along with Clint, “We needed this, it hasn’t rained in a while, the flowers will enjoy it. Even if it was just a burst or rain.”

Clint took a deep breath and smiled, “This is my favorite moment in nature, when we haven’t had any rain and then it finally pours and there’s just this earthy smell surrounding everything. It’s one of the best scents that exist, in my opinion.”

You looked up at Clint, eyes wide, “It’s called petrichor! It’s my favorite scent, along with lemon. But it’s just so calming and you can’t help but feel relaxed with this scent all around!”

The two of you looked at each other and your smile grew even bigger. Clint brought a hand to your face and moved the hair that was sticking to your face behind your ear. When his hand came to rest on your cheek, you found yourself letting your head rest in his hand.

“Clint?” You ask softly and Clint hummed in response, “Can I kiss you?”

Clint’s eyes snapped to yours and he gave a slight nod. You brought your hands up and placed one on his cheek and wound the other around the back of his neck. You slowly brought your lips to his and closed your eyes. It was a soft kiss at first, then Clint brought a hand to your back and pulled you closer to him, causing you to gasp into the kiss. He kissed you harder and you felt yourself moving backwards until your back hit the brick façade of the building.

You broke the kiss and looked at Clint, “Would you like to come upstairs? I’m sure my neighbors would prefer if we don’t put on a show on the front stoop.”

Clint laughed and brought his forehead to yours. “How about we take a raincheck? I really like you, and I don’t want to rush into anything. Don’t get me wrong, I really want to go upstairs with you. But let me take you on a date first. Ok?”

You smiled and blushed, “I can agree to that. Date first, upstairs second.”

Clint laughed, “Exactly. Now, you need to get upstairs before you fall asleep out here. I know you’re tired.”

You gave a slight pout. “You’re just trying to get rid of me,” You laughed “I’m kidding, I’m kidding, I am pretty tired. Wait! When are we going on our date?”

Clint gave you a kiss on your forehead, “How about tomorrow night? We can go to dinner and maybe take a walk? If it’s not raining, of course.”

You gave a small shrug, “I don’t know, I think I enjoy walking through the rain with you.”

You gave Clint another kiss before starting towards the door. “Let me know when you get back to the tower, ok?”

Clint grabbed your hand and gave it a kiss, “I absolutely will. Good night, Y/N.”

You smiled at the man, “Good night, Clint, I’m glad I ran into you. Literally.”

________________________________________________________________

When you got up to your apartment, you checked your phone and saw a few messages from your friends, after letting them know what happened, you saw another message from Natasha.

Natasha: Hey, I’m glad I got to meet you! The group wanted to let you know that they enjoyed meeting you!

Natasha: Also, are you and Clint planning on going out? I need to know. For reasons.

Me: I’m glad I met you guys too!

Me: Is the reason, possibly, because you bet someone money that we would be?

Natasha: …….yes….. Come on! I have to be right, you guys are totally going to go out.

Me: Yes Nat, we’re going out tomorrow night.

You laughed when a text from Tony came in.

Starky-Man: You just lost me fifty dollars.

Me: Well maybe don’t bet against happiness next time.

Starky-Man: Whatever, I’m happy for you kid.

Me: Thanks Tony, I am too!

You smiled at your phone as you thought about just how unexpectedly your night had turned out. When your phone pinged again your smile got even bigger.

Heart Eyes: I’m home, safe and sound.

Me: Good, I’m glad.

Heart Eyes: Get some sleep Y/N. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Me: See you tomorrow. Good night, Clint.

Heart Eyes: Good night, Dear.

You put your phone on the charger and got yourself ready for bed. When you were finally slipping under the covers, you closed your eyes and fell into what you had to say was the most peaceful sleep you had in a very long time.

[evakuality]

Let’s talk about David.  Again.  Part two

Welcome to part two of ‘I had a fit of loving David and needed to share it with everyone’ - this is for my friend who asked me to do this literal months ago and who has waited very patiently for it to happen.  Part one can be found right here.

So, we pick up after our road trip, when David is returning to Berlin with Matteo.  We’ve seen him in his little bubble with Matteo a lot (they were really keen on updating their instagrams during that time), and we’ve seen just how comfortable he is now.  They’re very relaxed with each other by the time they get back.  We also see the type of pranking that characterises their relationship (and Matteo’s character) going forward.  This seems to be mostly Matteo’s thing; he’s blossomed into a real little shit after his own issues in s3.  But David is very happy to follow along, and we even see him later trying to prank the prank master.  This is interesting because we often think of David as the one who takes the initiative, and indeed in s3 they passed this back and forth between them a bit with David initiating the kiss etc.  But what we have here is someone who is comfortable with these people but not so comfortable that he’d actually plan a big prank/surprise like this one.  He’s happy to go along with it, and to film what it looks like, but he’s not the one taking the lead.  

When he does take the lead in this way (trying to prank Matteo with the sandwich), it’s with the one person who he has become totally comfortable with, and that makes a lot of sense.  His instinct over the last few months has been to run and duck away and he’s not entirely over that.  There’s still a wariness of sorts with people he’s not 100% on board with.  Of course, he’s also happy and hugging people which carries on from the Abi prank and Abi ball stuff, but there is some reticence there; he doesn’t have the level of comfort with this group that Matteo does.  In another recurring thing for this season, we also see him dragging Matteo away from doing something stupid and/or from saying something stupid and/or from being attacked for doing/saying something stupid.  David does still have some of those impulses to keeping a low profile etc, and it must be somewhat frustrating having a boyfriend whose instinct is to tease literally everyone and make everything into a prank if he possibly can and thus continually getting himself into trouble.

We next see him making out with Matteo in a hallway, and it’s still an odd choice of scene, particularly the way they stop when they hear Kiki and Carlos as if they themselves weren’t literally just as into each other mere seconds ago.  Still, it tells us some stuff about them - a lot of people have mentioned that after having spent all those weeks together on the trip, they’re still 99% with each other and draped all over each other.  I think that’s at least partly because it’s still a new relationship, but also because David has his ‘safe person’ now and in situations that are a little threatening or uncomfortable he gravitates towards him.  He does this more than once in this season even though we hardly see him.  Here in the hallway, I doubt it’s much of the second side, but they are meeting two of the least familiar/comfortable people for David and so it could be there.  But we also get more of how he is with Matteo.  They sit there teasing each other as they play music to drown out Kiki and Carlos - all very much as it was in s3 ep 10.  He’s very much in his comfort zone when he’s with Matteo.  

Still, we also get more of his old personality.  The biggest this when he’s hiding what his movie is about (and I have to say that Matteo not letting him get away with that  is peak davenzi teasing; it’s really clear that without Matteo’s prodding David wouldn’t talk about what he’s doing).  He’s a little embarrassed and ashamed maybe, of the ‘alien’ theme, and he’s trying to keep up his ‘cool’ image to Amira as he talks about it.  He thinks it needs to be ‘better’ or more ‘authentic’ or something to be worthy of notice and so he tries to make it deep.  But, again, Matteo refuses to let him do that, cheerfully throwing out the truth in to make David face up to things (this is, again, very much like the ‘I wanted to date a high school student’ stuff David did: they know exactly how to actually reach each other and get each other to push out of whatever they’re fearing, and I’d argue that in both cases this is fear from each even if they deny that).  

That’s not the face of someone who’s comfortable and easy discussing this topic, and we can clearly see Matteo getting ready to push him (also, that’s definitely the face of someone who knows his boyfriend is going to make him talk about it and is gearing up for that).  Once again, he has to hold Matteo back when he’s getting his ‘little shit’ on about how ‘exhausted’ Carlos must be.  There’s quite a lot going on here when we look under the hood, so to speak, and David is very much not as free and easy as he sometimes wants us to think he is.

By the end, unsurprisingly, he is very comfortable with Matteo and they tease while they do the filming when Hanna comes to help them out.  The interesting thing, though, is that he’s somewhat perfectionist about the film and he falls back onto his old methods: it’s not going as he envisages it, so it’s obviously trash.  We see this as Hanna arrives, and he carefully checks to be sure it’s all set up properly etc.  Matteo is teasing Hanna, and all the while David is anxiously playing around with masks etc in the background.  When he does have his little breakdown about it all, he goes to Matteo for comfort.  

The very interesting thing here is that he’s still trying to cut and run, wants to ditch his project as soon as it becomes a bit tough/doesn’t quite fit his vision.  But as has become their way since the end of s3, Matteo just reverse psychologises him.  This works and David does get back into it, but as we see later, the theme really didn’t do much for him and so he changed the entire idea.  The fact that he got back into it says he’s not willing to give up and run away again even when it’s his first instinct (though it’s mitigated by him going to Matteo for comfort and support rather than ditching it all immediately on the spot), but we now see another side to that: he’s someone who has a strong pov and will change it after a period of consideration.  He may have got support from Matteo to continue, and he didn’t let his instinct get to him in that immediate panic, but he was able to work through it and decide in a presumably less hasty way what he really wanted to be doing.

The other times we see him in s4 he seems more comfortable and we don’t really see quite the same level of vulnerability or the same instinct to run.  But he still has traces of his past self.  ‘There’s more than one red’ has strong undertones of ‘it’s called a collage’ and shows he’s getting comfortable with the boys and not just Matteo; that was a signature point in their relationship - the moment we see him dead pan teasing Matteo, and we see him doing it with the boys now too (also in the ‘just talk to her’ conversation at the end of s3).  Then again showing how in tune he and Matteo are, he’s the one who picks up on what he wants immediately when Hanna arrives (of course, he was also at the conversation about Jonas even if he was fluffing around with his masks etc and so he has more reason than most to know why Matteo would be hustling them out of his place).  I know people get a bit weird about his ‘you didn’t think you could leave without saying goodbye’ but it just shows how much he’s grown.  It’s an acknowledgement that what he used to do wasn’t healthy, and a recognition that he has developed now.  He’s had some hardships over this season, he’s felt anxious and discouraged but he hasn’t run even if he’s been tempted a couple of times.  He’s learned that there are better things to do than that.  The interesting thing here is that again he spends a lot of his time with Matteo in quieter moments.  Obviously, part of this is because Matteo also needs some quiet time out, but it’s still a strong theme with them/him: this is their ‘safe’ or ‘comfort’ person and so they gravitate to each other for those moments.

Overall, David has always been on the outgoing side (witness all the instagram content, even at the start with Sara and Leonie), but he’s been closed off and nervous because he had a secret and he had that trauma associated with it from his previous school.  But since he’s met Matteo and his friends and found their support along with his sister’s, he’s grown so much.  He still has issues and hang ups and even though he has such a small amount of screentime in s4, we see them very clearly.  They may not be quite the same (he’s not worried about being outed anymore, for example, because that’s already happened and he managed to survive it), but it’s not like we can’t trace the somewhat distanced person who preferred to keep everything hidden to avoid connection from s3 episode one through to the end of s4.  His tendency to run away doesn’t come out physically anymore, but it’s still there.  That’s still his initial ‘fight or flight’ reaction, and we see him having to push back against it.  He does, generally with Matteo’s help, and that’s a good thing.  

That he’s generally more comfortable around everyone else is testament to how well this group includes everyone.  They welcomed Stefan in, after all, even Matteo who constantly harboured a desire to break him and Hanna up so he could get Jonas and Hanna back together.  But the thing is, while David’s more comfortable with these people in general, it’s still Matteo who is his ‘one person’ - the one he turns to when things aren’t quite perfect.  It’s Matteo he turns to for comfort and advice etc, and that’s remained constant since they met.  Now that they’re together, it’s morphed obviously.  But even from day one it was Matteo who could draw him out and give him a safe space to be.  That hasn’t changed, even if the circumstances have.  We saw him over a period of months and over a very rapid cycling of situations and events, so the fact that what he does is different is no surprise, but it’s really pretty cool that we can still see the boy from early s3 by the end of s4.  His actions may change, he may be more outgoing and at ease, but his reactions and instincts remain.

[cori-writes-fanfic]

I have a lot of Thoughts after the reveal of the new Dark Road kids, and most of it isn’t directly about the kids themselves and more kind of crazy predictions about how the story will go.  (This may be a little bit of a jumbled mess as I try to organize my thoughts, so…bear with me.)

So we know that:

We don’t really see any of the Dark Road kids in the future besides Xehanort and Eraqus (or, at least, that we know of).

Eraqus is stationed at The Land of Departure, rather than Scala.

Literally nobody talks about Scala in the future.

Eraqus was a “blue blood”—i.e. descended directly from Keyblade wielders (most likely Brain)—and Xehanort was an off-worlder who was made an apprentice and desperate to Eraqus’s equal.

We don’t really know much about what Scala was like, but we can guess, based on the size, structure, and the information about Eraqus’s family that it was likely a thriving city at one point.  We know that it was built on the ruins of Daybreak Town, and that many of the citizens were likely descendants of Dandelions.  I’m running on the assumption that not every citizen in the city would be a Keyblade wielder (though many are, and the “blue bloods” are often expected to take up the blade).  That said, my guess would be that many times masters would take townspeople as apprentices, and they’d only really take on off-worlders if they showed a lot of potential (which would really drive Xehanort’s desperation to prove himself).

As for the kids themselves, I’m going to jump on the bandwagon for two of them: Bragi being Luxu and Vor being Kairi’s grandmother.  For the first, I think it’d be interesting to see Luxu interact with the other apprentices, knowing what he does.  …Well, that, and the name is way too similar to Braig, so if they’re not the same person, I’m likely just going to get them confused.  For the second, it’d give an explanation for why Kairi’s grandmother knows that story about the Dandelions (not that it’s technically needed, but it’d be kind of fun).  That said, I’m thinking they aren’t blue bloods like Eraqus, but from regular families around the city (and I’m sure that’s going to be proven wrong soon, but…oh well).

Story-wise, I’m kind of predicting that things will start off mostly with just general training, we’ll get some references to the Dandelions/X-blade/etc. through Bragi, and MoM will pop up at some point to speak cryptically to Xehanort and stoke his ambition/fear.  I’d guess that The Land of Departure is some sort of outpost for the Keyblade wielders (perhaps one of many) that either a) a couple of masters and apprentices live at full time, or b) masters and apprentices are on a rotating schedule for who stays at an outpost and maintains it at any given time.

At any rate, about half way through the story is when I think the big “Scala calamity” is going to go down.  Essentially, I’m guessing that Bragi/Luxu is going to spur this on (presumably in order to make sure Xehanort ends up as the “scape goat” for whatever his plan is, though I’m not sure how exactly that would work).  This ends up killing and/or scattering the Keyblade wielders, and either flat out destroying Scala or basically taking it out of this plane of existence.  Xehanort, Eraqus, Urd, Hermod, and Eraqus’s/Xehanort’s master manage to escape together and head to The Land of Departure for safety, hoping to find other Keyblade wielders there. When they don’t after a time, the master head’s off to check the other outposts.

Meanwhile, the kids are stressed because they’ve just had their home destroyed, many Keyblade wielders are missing—including one of their closest friends—and the other betrayed them.  Xehanort is particularly antsy, which is partly because he’s feeling somewhat inadequate; he wanted to prove that he was good enough to be a Keyblade wielder, but he couldn’t do anything to stop Bragi, couldn’t protect his new home and friends, and now he’s not even allowed to look for them and Eraqus is insisting that they stay here because the master ordered them two, and Xehanort just doesn’t understand—

And then MoM shows up again. Xehanort vents his frustrations, and MoM does his usual thing and kind of manipulates Xehanort into leaving.  This is ultimately what ends up prompting Xehanort’s “world tour” as he calls it in Re:mind; his desperate attempt to find what Keyblade wielders are still out there, and to prove that he’s still good enough.  Unfortunately, none of this actually gives him the time to, you know…process the traumatic event that he and his friends have just gone through.  So when he travels the world, he can’t help but notice the bad things; how so many people will lie and go behind the backs of people that they claimed to love (like Bragi), how so many people claimed to be strong but when it came down to it they couldn’t protect anyone (like him), and how sometimes those mistakes end up leading to dire consequences (like what happened to his home).  Ultimately, this is what ends up fueling his philosophy that the world needs to be restarted, even if his reasoning is faulty; if people are horrible, and they’re just going to cause more suffering (and force others to go through what he did), then they should just be saved the trouble.  And he’s going to do things right this time. He’s going to make it better.  He’s going to prove he’s not weak and maybe be able to make sure nothing like this ever happens to him again.

Back at The Land of Departure, the kid’s master has basically decided to take up permanent residence there.  He hasn’t had much like finding other Keyblade wielders; he only found one, a young master named Yen Sid, who was so traumatized by the fall of Scala that he decided to give up the Keyblade, though he’s promise to keep an eye out for other Keyblade wielders and send along any information he could get.  The master decides that the best thing he can do is keep this outpost in good condition and train his apprentices in order to make sure they’re prepared to go out into the worlds on their own. Eraqus, in particular, works like crazy in training, and adheres to his master’s teachings almost religiously; like Xehanort, he’s still grieving from an event that none of them have properly worked through, he’s just handling it in vastly different ways.  His family’s the one that was descended from the Union Leaders; he’s the one who needs to pick up the slack, to lead, to make sure that everyone’s okay.  He can’t let the others know how bothered he is by all this; he has to be strong for them. (But in the back of his mind, he’s still thinking about the darkness that Bragi brought to their shared home, and how it had destroyed everything he’d loved.  He still has nightmares about it.  It terrifies him.)

After Urd and Hermod become masters, they decide to travel the worlds, like Xehanort, with the purpose of both trying to protect people and see if they can find other Keyblade wielders (even if, by this point, they know it’s unlikely).  Eraqus wants to come with them, but they gently refuse; the master is growing weaker, and someone needs to make sure this outpost stays standing.  If anyone should be taking charge of this, it’s Eraqus.  He agrees, albeit reluctantly, and his friends head off.

Urd and Hermod visit The Land of Departure much more than Xehanort does (though all of them return for the master’s passing).  At different points, the two appear with a child in tow (Terra and Aqua).  Maybe one or both of them are their kids; maybe they just found them.  Regardless, they can’t bring them with them, and the kids have nowhere else to stay, so they have to come to The Land of Departure.  Then, at some point, Urd and Hernod just…stop coming back.

And Eraqus is troubled. He’s worried for his friends, but he can’t leave to look for them, not when he has two very young children to look after, not when for all he knows he’s the only Keyblade Master left. So he stays in The Land of Departure, and he raises—and later trains—Terra and Aqua.  He never talks about Scala; Terra and Aqua never experienced the place, never had to deal with the heritage they’d lost, and he can’t bring himself to burden them with his own traumatic memories.  (Though, if he’s truthful with himself, he can admit that’s partially because he doesn’t want to relive them, either.)

And then Xehanort reappears. Out of the blue, like nothing’s changed. Eraqus is overjoyed.  He hasn’t seen any of his friends in years, he thought he was the only one left, but now one of his friends has returned, and he’s desperate to learn more about what’s happened in the outside world.

But Xehanort…isn’t quite like Eraqus remembered him.  He’s talking about bring about another Keyblade War, about whether or not they’re worthy (he’s worthy), and Eraqus doesn’t understand.  (Why would you want to force others to go through the same thing they went through?)  Xehanort doesn’t really explain, and of course, Eraqus attacks him, and Xehanort gives him his scars.  (It’s like Bragi all over again.  The darkness corrupts people.  It takes his loved ones away from him.)

Xehanort, of course, disappears for a few years, and then comes back with a young boy named Ven. Eraqus…isn’t quite sure what to make of this, this time.  He’s not going to turn the boy away (and maybe even recognizes the name, depending on how much Bragi/Luxu told them), but he’s also…a little wary after the last meeting with Xehanort.  But…Xehanort is also the only other Keyblade wielder he knows, besides his apprentices. The last member of their group still standing.  And no matter what Xehanort had done, he can’t bring himself to completely sever that friendship.  He doesn’t entirely believe Xehanort’s given up his plan, but—maybe if he keeps a close eye on Ven, then he can make sure it never works out.  And maybe if Ven is here, the last of his friends will stop by more, and he can try and change his mind.  It doesn’t work.  It was never going to work, but how could he have known that then?

…Aaaand I’m going to leave it there because this got…really out of hand.  This is almost definitely not going to be canon, but, hey; it’s fun to think about.

[the-third-bard]

Story summary of "the voice of reason"

Aka the titty girl story

This one had way more parts than any other so this post will be pretty long

Part one

Part one is the one page at the very beginning of the book where the girl sneaks into Geratl's room when he's "sleeping" and rubs her titties all over his face. "The voice of reason" takes place before the striga so there really wasn't any point in having this be the Very First Page except to hook horny straight men.

Part two

Part two starts with Geralt waking up in the temple of Melitele after having implied off-screen sex w titty-girl (Iola, who's a apparently a water nymph and talented with magic and is psychic? Or smth?)

Nenneke is introduced and scolds Geralt for being reckless in the fight with the striga. They seem to have kind of a mother-son relationship. (Nenneke has apparently known Geralt since he was a child? Which would make her Old As Fuck).

Geralt visits this temple once or twice a year.

Most of this part is about introducing religion and the cult of Melitele. The temple he's in seems to be part-church part-school? Theres a lot of younger girls and even children who learn stuff here and then go on working as midwives, teachers, healers (specifically women's and children's diseases), etc.

Dandelion is mentioned, he doesn't believe in Melitele. Dandelion is explicitly called Geralt's friend.

Nenneke wants Geralt to go into some sort of trance with the help of Iola? I guess this will be explained in later parts.

Part three

I loved this part, the best part of the book so far.

Some White Rose dickheads have visited the temple just to tell Geralt to fuck off. (White Rose is basically nazis mixed with scientologists, and they hate all non-humans) (later they will become the flaming rose, i think, and thats like the white rose lvl 100, with like full on genocide and shit)

Anyway, these tools show up and want Geralt gone and insult him and Nenneke, but ofc Nenneke won't have that and verbally beats the shit out of them. One of the dudes, Tailles, challenges Geralt to a duel for his insults and Geralt mostly laughs it off.

There's not a lot of plot here, the whole chapter reads as if it was an imaginary political argument Andrzej Sapkowski was having in his head where he was winning and he decided to put it in the book. I allow this because any form of dunking on nazis is good.

Part four

This part is LITERALLY Geralt just? Going on a 4 page rant? He literally does not stop talking once during the whole thing. It's a solid wall of just Geralt talking at this poor girl (Iola, the tiddy girl, who can't talk)

He talks about, in order; religion (*), swords, kaer morhen, parents, the trials, his first monster (**). Witchering, the "code" (***), Blaviken (****), and Ciri (*****).

Throughout this whole this Geralt like, answers questions? That I'm pretty sure he makes up to keep talking? He's like "... Vesemir- oh, who's Vesemir, you ask? Well he's my dad obviously-" Cus Iola is mute and she's never described to like, look questioning or even interested in what Geralt is saying. He does this 9 times.

* Iola has taken a vow of silence for Melitele and Geralt respects her decision. He tells her there is power in faith and that his own lack of faith holds NO POWER, which I thought was really neat (especially for a 20 year old Polish book).

** it's the story he told Renfri in ep one! (saving a girl from being raped (also 13 years old :/ ) He also says he did what be did because he wanted the girl and her father to be grateful, and not because it was the right thing to do. He'd been raised to fight monsters and he'd romanticized the idea in his head that he'd be so cool and appreciated, which I think is really interesting. It also shows his growth as a character from then to now, and the fact that he admits to this is also very neat.

*** Geralt totally just made up this "code" and apparently said it so much that everyone fucking thinks all witchers have a code when it literally is just Geralt. I really wanna know what the other witchers think of this.

****

Geralt needs therapy

***** Geralt berates himself for doing the law of surprise, and says he'll never return to Cintra and will just, avoid it forever I guess. (Yennefer and Ciri are apparently born around the same time in may!)

Part five

Geralt is in the library in the temple, he appears to be failing to read a history book.

Dandelion comes in the door and Nenneke absolutely destroys him.

She leaves and Dandelion and Geralt talk.

The world is changing, and witchers' work is becoming hard to find. Geralt is being negative about it and Dandelion tries to cheer him up a bit, distract him from his woes.

He says Geralt should adapt to the new world, change careers. He says that if the demand for poetry and music dwindled he'd become a gardener.

Dandelion gets pretty deep, and it was more than it expected from Sapkowski if I'm honest.

/... /

After this Dandelion changes the subject to make Geralt feel better.

Part six

Geralt and Nanneke is in a grotto that Nenneke uses as like, a greenhouse for magical plants. There are glowing crystals in the ceiling.

(Nenneke talks a bit about how the sun has changed? And the rays are deadly and kills plants and how it's "too late" to save people from it?)

Nenneke talk about how pissed Yennefer is at Geralt for some reason, and Geralt seems to be avoiding her (Yen) at all costs.

For the striga contract money Geralt has bought some precious gems, and gives some to Nenneke for the temple and wants to give Yennerfer the rest. He wants Nenneke to keep them for him until Yennefer comes to the temple looking for him so that she can give them to her? While he's ran away to somewhere else cus he's a little baby.

Nenneke refuses to help him with it because she's way too cool for that and calls Geralt out on being a big baby.

This is where Yennefer's infertility is mentioned, and Geralt says she can use the gems to (partly) pay for "the treatment".

They talk a bit and we find out that some sorceresses have "atrophied" ovaries and that that is because pursuing magic apparently fucks up your endocrine glands? Which would fuck up significantly more than just your ovaries (also this shouldn't be a thing just for female magicians? Why are all the male magicians totally fine?)

(Nenneke is hinted to be fertile as well as Geralt's mother in picture 1)

Nenneke is still trying to get Geralt to do some telepathy therapy stuff with Iola and he's also a big baby about this, even though he's absolutely TRASHED right now and doing the therapy would heal him up so that he can use his signs and fight again.

(it seems like after a near death, witchers lose their witchering skills? Nenneke says Geralt's reflexes aren't what they're supposed to be, his pupils don't dilate properly, his heartbeat is faster than normal aka 'normal human speed' i guess, they can't do signs. Would Geralt be human if he just let it be?)

Part seven

As Geralt and Dandelion leave the temple, they run into a whole bunch of guys. It's the dudes from part 3, expecting a duel. If Geralt refuses to fight, he'll be hanged, but if he injures Tailles, he'll be punished. They want him to give Tallies the fight to raise the dude's street cred. They explicitly want Tailles to "nick" Geralt's skin.

I thought Geralt was gonna like, prick his finger and yield but what actually happened was funnier and more clever. So kudos to Sapko for this.

They start fighting and Tailles sucks, obviously. The boy puts his sword in front of himself defensively and Geralt just, smacks that thing with his own sword so that Tailles' sword cuts him in the face.

This way, Geralt's sword never touched him and he can't be punished. I thought that was real neat.

(Geralt is totally banned from Ellander now but it was worth it)

Geralt and Dandelion leave, and Will Not Tell Nenneke About This.

The part splits and we see what happened as Geralt and Dandelion were leaving the temple.

Geralt and Iola touch hands and this triggers a vision. It's a vision of death and blood and monstrous paws. Iola collapses and has a seizure.

Nanneke saw it too, and begs Geralt to stay in the temple, but because he's Geralt he obviously decides to ignore the whole thing and leaves.

This is how the book ends

[btsvt-adventures]

Ice Skating AU - Opposites (sometimes) Attract

A/n: So, this literally took me eons to write, even though I’ve been planning this for a month smh. This is also literally stupid long god... .

Pairing: Jicheol (Jihoon x Seungcheol), Jihan (Jisoo x Jeonghan)

Warning(s): Nothing too major, lots of fluff, some drunk jihoon (drink responsibly kids!!!)

Word Count: 3,388

Want more of this AU? Ask me here!

Ice Skating AU: Introductions | The Beginning | Drunk (Almost) Kisses | I Have Faith | Promised Rewards | Secret Plans | Opposites Sometimes Attract

Jihoon wants to strangle Soonyoung, and maybe.. to an extent… partly, Jisoo as well. He knows, he just knows that it’s their doing that he’s been tasked with getting drinks with none other than the big, stupid, (cute) figure skater doof Choi fucking Seungcheol. He sends Soonyoung a quick text right before Seungcheol is meant to pick him up, threatening death by hockey stick, and his ex-captain just replies with a lot of winky faces, and a couple eggplants.

Asshole.

Jihoon’s already waiting when Seungcheol pulls up, and the figure skater has to resist the urge to squeal, because Jihoon just looks so fucking cute. He’s drowning in an oversized hoodie, with his blonde hair all tousled from the wind, and he just looks so tiny and adorable (not that Seungcheol would say that he doesn’t want to make things worse.) Jihoon’s ripped jeans however, leave nothing to the imagination, and Seungcheol is quietly drooling over the perky round ass he spotted as Jihoon climbed into his car. 

“Let’s go, I have work to do and I don’t want to waste too much time arguing with you over what kind of drinks to get,” Jihoon grumps, pulling out his phone to play some music game while Seungcheol drives, humming to some girl group song.

“I play that too,” Seungcheol piques, startling Jihoon while he’s scrolling through songs to play. “You’re much better at it though, I suck at games like that,” he mumbles, and Jihoon snorts.

“I hope I’m good at it, I’m a music producer; if I can’t match the beat to my own songs I better change careers,” he shakes his head, and Seungcheol reels from the information Jihoon just offered up.

Before he can ask anymore, he sees the supermarket, and decides to hold off his questioning till after he’s parked. He almost makes it too, reversing into a lot when he hears Jihoon humming to the song on the radio, and Seungcheol can’t hold it in anymore.

“What’s your producer name? Have you met any kpop groups? Who do you produce for?” he blurts, flushing red when Jihoon stares at him confusedly. Seungcheol flushes, quickly putting the car into park and getting out, plastering a fake smile on to try and hide his embarrassment.

“Well, I use Woozi, under the studio ‘Universe Factory,’ yes of course I’ve met idols, and I produce for Pledis Entertainment,” Jihoon answers quietly, suppressing a laugh when Seungcheol gawks at him for voluntarily offering the information. “What about you?”

Seungcheol’s brain farts entirely, and he just goes “uH oh right, well I skate professionally of course, but during the off season I teach kids back in my hometown, Daegu,” he stutters, and Jihoon nods, letting the conversation die off.

It’s not an awkward silence, but it is silence, and Seungcheol wants to keep Jihoon talking. He’d seen the way Jihoon had lit up when he mentioned his music, and he wants to see that happen again (he’s already so whipped what the fuck Choi get a grip).

“… box, yeah?”

Seungcheol’s so busy yelling at himself he totally misses whatever Jihoon says, and glances into their trolley to see a giant Styrofoam box.

“Uh…. Why do we need a styrofoam box?” he asks, staring dumbly at it while Jihoon just tsks.

“To keep all the drinks,” he deadpans, like Seungcheol’s stupid for even asking a question like that. Seungcheol shakes his head, plucking the box out of the trolley and putting it back. Jihoon frowns, raising an eyebrow when Seungcheol rounds the corner, re-appearing with a giant cooler box on wheels.

“No, no you gotta use a cooler! A nice big one to keep the drinks chilled properly,” he insists. Jihoon rolls his eyes, turning his nose up at the stupidly expensive box, defiantly picking up the styrofoam box again.

“This will do just fine! What are we gonna do with a giant cooler box after the party anyway?” Jihoon challenges, but Seungcheol refuses to give in, and Jihoon throws his hands up in frustration. “Let’s just get the damn drinks, we can come back to this shit later,” he grumbles, stuffing his hands into his pockets, and Seungcheol shrugs, leisurely following Jihoon towards the drink aisle.

They end up with more drinks than fifteen people can (presumably) drink, and not a lot of ways to carry them. Jihoon, as Seungcheol is quickly learning, is frustratingly (read: endearingly) stubborn when he wants to be, picking up the cartons before Seungcheol can take them.

He stops Jihoon from trying to carry his body weight in liquor and soft drinks, offering what he thinks is a kind, helping hand. Jihoon, of course, reacts in a way only Jihoon can react.

“Are you implying that I’m weak?” Jihoon snaps, glaring (or trying to) at Seungcheol over the top of the boxes. It takes everything Seungcheol has to not burst into laughter because he just looks so cute, but he manages to get himself under control.

“No, no of course not, but you uh… also can’t really see where you’re going, so I thought I’d offer,” he says delicately, and Jihoon makes an incoherent noise of assent, grumpily letting Seungcheol take half the boxes he was attempting to carry. They dump the drinks in Seungcheol’s car before they stand awkwardly next to each other, unsure of what to do or say, letting the silence slowly engulf them.

“Let’s grab dinner,” Seungcheol blurts, ears turning red before he can take it back. “I mean, we can get some food and then I can drop you at home, I mean- your house!” he yelps, and Jihoon stares at the figure skater like he’s grown a third head. Seungcheol flails uselessly, hands fidgeting nervously as he watches the cogs in Jihoon’s pretty blonde head turn, lighting up when the hockey player nods slowly.

“It’s not a date,” he warns quickly, ears quickly turning red. “It better not be, or I’ll kick you with my skates,” he huffs, turning away with a huff. Seungcheol can’t help the grin splitting his face as he climbs into the car.

“It can be whatever you want it to be,” he glances at the younger man,  praying he isn’t pushing too hard, watching as Jihoon sputters indignantly.

“NOT A DATE!” he yelps, smacking Seungcheol in a panic. Seungcheol bursts into laughter, as Jihoon glares at him. “For that you’re paying, and I want meat,” he huffs, chin pushed out defiantly as he dares Seungcheol to refuse him.

Adorable.

Seungcheol chuckles, turning to face the disgruntled skater, grinning wickedly. “Yes dear,” he coos, and Jihoon groans, head thunking quietly against the headrest.

“Fuck, I really need a drink,” he mutters, turning away and shutting his eyes while Seungcheol hums to the muted music. He glances at Seungcheol, drinking in the way the streetlamps outline his silhouette, almost contouring the lean, muscular lines of his arms.

God, he’s really hot, Jihoon thinks helplessly, forcing himself to turn away before Seungcheol catches him staring. He watches the street fly past, wondering idly if Seungcheol was genuinely interested or if he just wanted to rile Jihoon up.

“You’re thinking really loudly,” Seungcheol says suddenly, and Jihoon startles, letting out a surprised squeak. Seungcheol glances quickly towards Jihoon, who just shrugs, claiming he’s thinking about food.

Seungcheol laughs, wanting to probe further (because seriously, no one thinks that hard about food), but they arrive at the restaurant before he can ask. Jihoon practically throws himself out of the car, claiming to be starving, and Seungcheol snorts, figuring that Jihoon probably would be full after two portions of beef or something.

He should’ve known.

An hour later, he’s staring at Jihoon in mild horror as he polishes off his third bowl of rice, and his nine (and counting) portions of meat. Seungcheol’s only on his second bowl, and already his stomach feels like exploding.

 “How the fuck do you eat so much?” He gapes, and Jihoon shrugs, taking a sip (read: gulp) of his soju.

“Your lips are so pretty, soooooo prettyyyy,” he grins dopily, reaching for the soju again and pouring himself another shot. Seungcheol blinks, frozen in shock (and fear, because did Jihoon just compliment him????)

“W-what?” Seungcheol stammers, and Jihoon lifts a finger lazily, poking Seungcheol in the chest, eyes unfocused and –

Oh.

It hits Seungcheol suddenly. Jihoon’s drunk. Like, full on, giggling and cute and slurring drunk. He looks at the empty bottle of soju next to Jihoon and realizes that not only is Jihoon drunk, but he’s also this drunk after a single bottle of soju.

“Y-you,” he mumbles, eyes wandering before focusing on Seungcheol. “You’re so hotand mus-muscular is not f-fair,” he hiccups, giggling when Seungcheol’s cheeks flush. “Pretty too when you blush- take me home hyung,” he blurts suddenly, head flopping into his waiting palm. “Tired, want cuddles,” he pouts, and Seungcheol nearly goes into cardiac arrest.

He quickly calls for the bill, helping Jihoon slip his jacket back on. Jihoon clings to him, nuzzling Seungcheol’s chest, quietly whining for cuddles. He taps his card on the machine and tugs Jihoon out of the restaurant so he doesn’t do something he’ll regret later on.

“Cuddlessssss hyung,” Jihoon whines, pouting up at Seungcheol again and fuck, Seungcheol so desperately wants to kiss the pout away.

“It’s not a good idea Jihoonie, you’re really drunk right now,” he coaxes gently, trying to offend a drunk Jihoon as little as possible. Jihoon pouts even harder, clinging tighter to Seungcheol’s jacket sleeve, nestled perfectly into his side.

“No, no, no hyung need cuddles,” he insists, and Seungcheol sighs, giving in and tugging him to the car, heading to his apartment so he can at least make sure Jihoon doesn’t hurt himself while he’s drunk.

For someone so much smaller, he’s surprisingly strong. It takes him an hour to finally get Jihoon into bed, with most of said hour taken up by Jihoon insisting he have his required cuddles. He tucks Jihoon into his bed after forcing the younger to take some Aspirin, and flops onto the couch, sighing heavily.

Fuck, Jihoon’s so fucking cute.

The hockey player however, definitely does not feel cute. He cracks his eyes open and jerks upright, groaning when the movement makes his head pound.

“Where the fuck am I?” he grimaces, glancing around at the unfamiliar surroundings. “At least I’m clothed this time,” he sighs, peeking out the open door, trying to get a glimpse of whoever it is that brought him… wherever here is.

Did I get kidnapped or something dear god why don’t I remember anything, why the fuck do I drink alcohol– “WHAT THE FUCK CHOI SEUNGCHEOL PUT ON A GODDAMN SHIRT!”

Seungcheol jumps so hard at Jihoon’s exclamation he almost breaks something, and he flails, apologizing repeatedly as he scrambles to put a shirt on. (Jihoon half wishes he wouldn’t, even though he told him to because hot damn, ice skater boy is hella fine) Seungcheol, in his flustered state, desperately tries to not trip over the various pillows Jihoon had apparently kicked to the floor, but before he can shout a warning, Seungcheol trips on a pillow and tumbles onto the bed.

Right on top of Jihoon.

The air whooshes out of Jihoon’s lungs as Seungcheol lands on him, and he finds himself staring into the prettiest, widest eyes he’s ever seen. Their lips are so close they’re practically brushing.

Fuck, he’s so pretty, Jihoon thinks breathlessly, silently hoping Seungcheol would make a move, but the older comes to his senses and throws himself backwards, much to Jihoon’s disappointment relief.

“You’re heavier than a sack of potatoes,” Jihoon huffs raspily, still breathless, although he’s not sure if it’s from Seungcheol trying to flatten him or if it’s from the overwhelming emotion he’s trying to hide.

Seungcheol dusts himself off, mumbling something about getting ready for the party and making breakfast, disappearing from the room, and Jihoon sighs, grabbing his phone and texting Soonyoung to grab his outfit before meeting at the rink. Soonyoung responds with an affirmative, followed by more smirky emojis, and Jihoon contemplates Soonyoung’s murder for the second time in as many days.

He wanders out into the kitchen after a shower, wearing Seungcheol’s smallest clothes (which are still three sizes too big), looking around the spotless space Seungcheol apparently lives in. He turns to Seungcheol, who’s setting down some hangover stew and rice, and motioning for Jihoon to come in.

“What’s all this for?” he asks, grabbing the rice bowl and taking a sip of the hot stew, sighing happily when he feels it soothe his empty, growling stomach. Seungcheol shrugs, picking up the other rice bowl and loading it with pickled radish.

“Consumption and energy, but also I’m sorry for scaring you awake like that,” he mumbles through a mouthful of rice. “You were kinda drunk and I was worried about leaving you alone in your apartment, so I brought you to mine  hope that’s okay,” he frowns, swallowing and looking at Jihoon worriedly.

Jihoon laughs, shaking his head gently. “Yeah, that’s fine I should’ve warned you that I was a lightweight. sorry about all the trouble, and thanks for the food.”

Seungcheol grins at him, turning his attention to their shared bowl of stew before Jihoon inhales all of it (again). A ping from both their phones just as they finish, and they scramble to get ready before Jisoo beheads them for being late to his beloved’s surprise birthday party.

“Hurry up of Jisoo hyung will literally kill us,” Jihoon nags, grumbling when Seungcheol comes out of the apartment with the cooler. “Can’t believe you talked me into buying the fucking cooler,” he huffs, and Seungcheol just laughs, telling Jihoon to pull up the directions and tell Jisoo that they’re on the way.

 Jisoo, on the other hand, is a nervous mess. He knows he’s planned everything to the best of his ability, and there’s literally nothing else he can do, but he’s still scared.

What if Jeonghan figures it out?

What if they all arrive later?

What if Jeonghan doesn’t arri–

His train of thought breaks off when he sees his boyfriend walk through the arrival doors. He runs up to Jeonghan and literally throws himself in his arms.

“Hello to you too baby,” Jeonghan laughs, hugging Jisoo back equally tightly, lips pressed against Jisoo’s hair.

Jisoo sighs, pulling away and handing Jeonghan the flowers and the gift, excitement humming through his veins. “Happy birthday Hannie,” he grins.

Jeonghan lights up at the roses, pressing them carefully to his nose and sniffing delicately, handing them back to Jisoo with a kiss so he can open his present. He tears the wrapping eagerly, gasping when he sees the silver necklace nestled in the black satin. Jisoo beams, tugging something from under his collar.

“We match,” he murmurs, and Jeonghan’s grin gets impossibly bigger. Jisoo takes the box from Jeonghan, carefully taking the necklace and securing it around Jeonghan’s neck, watching as the necklace sparkles prettily between his clavicles.

“It’s beautiful, I love it,” Jeonghan hums, pulling Jisoo close for a kiss. “and I love you,” he breathes, humming contentedly when Jisoo blushes hotly.

He presses another quick kiss to his boyfriend’s lips, pulling away slightly. “Do you trust me?” he asks, Jeonghan nods immediately eyebrows disappearing into his hairline when Jisoo pulls a blindfold out of his pocket.

“In public? How kinky,” Jeonghan teases, laughing harder when Jisoo swats him huffily, but he takes the blindfold, securing it over his eyes when they’re in the car. His vision goes dark immediately, and it’s a little uneasy, but Jisoo assures him that everything’s going to be great.

 Seokmin’s (and everyone else’s, really) phone pings with another update. “GET READY!!!” he screeches, and everyone scrambles to get into position. Seungkwan yelps, rolling out the carpet so Jeonghan doesn’t faceplant on the ice in regular shoes, and they wait in silence, staring at the entrance eagerly.

 Jisoo appears with a still blindfolded Jeonghan, and they stay frozen in position until Jeonghan’s standing in the middle of the rink.

“Three,” Jisoo whispers to Jeonghan, who’s already itching to take his blindfold off. “Two,” he breathes, hand raised as he counts down to the surprise reveal.

“One.”

“SURPRISE!”

Jeonghan startles so hard he nearly falls over, and his eyes widen as he takes in the familiar faces suddenly surrounding him, gasping when he finally recognizes where he is. Jisoo grins so brightly, watching the emotions play across Jeonghan’s face.

“How-“ he stammers, staring at everyone who’s cheering and clapping, laughing as they celebrate a successful surprise. “You did this?” he asks incredulously, staring at Jisoo.

 “Yep! Happy birthday Jeonghannie,” he giggles. “I have one more surprise for you though, but you gotta put on your skates first.”

Jisoo knows Jeonghan can put on skates quickly, but he’s never seen anyone put them on that fast. It’s endearing, really, knowing how eager Jeonghan is for his second surprise. He steps off the carpet, spinning gracefully before he turns to Jisoo.

“Surprise, now,” he pouts.

“Still as demanding as ever,” a deep, husky voice breaks through, and Jeonghan whirls around, breath hitching as he sees someone he honestly never thought he’d see again.

“Ssaem,” Jeonghan breathes, vision suddenly blurry as he launches himself forward, enveloping the elderly man in a crushing hug. The old nightguard laughs, holding Jeonghan equally tightly, blinking away the tears clinging to his lashes.

Jeonghan lets out a sob, burying his face into his teacher’s shoulder, shaking from the overwhelming emotions. The guard takes it in stride, petting Jeonghan’s back comfortingly, and Jeonghan pulls away, still sniffling, but grinning widely now.

“S-still not dead yet I see,” he jokes tearfully, and the guard guffaws, smacking Jeonghan lightly upside the head.

“Still disrespectful I see,” he fires back. “Now stop your baby crying, this is a party so we damn well be celebrating,” he pats Jeonghan on the back again, and the figure skater wipes his face clean, nodding.

“Let’s get fucking liT!”

 The party winds down after a couple hours, with everyone either in food comas, drunk or exhausted from Seungkwan and Soonyoung’s games. Seungcheol spots Jihoon drinking his (hopefully alcohol free) coke, watching as Jeonghan and Jisoo dance and spin in a corner of the rink.

“So,” he starts, making Jihoon jump in surprise, but Seungcheol decides to push on. “So.. since we did spend a night together,” he pauses, and Jihoon turns to glare at him murderously.

“Die in a hole, thanks,” he hisses, taking a sip of his drink. “What do you want?”

Seungcheol chuckles, leaning against the barrier. “Go out to dinner with me. Like, y’know, a date,” he blurts, praying Jihoon can’t hear his heart thundering in his chest.

They both fall silent, watching Jeonghan and Jisoo perform their duet for Jeonghan’s old teacher. Seungcheol tries not to fidget, but he’s desperate to know Jihoon’s answer. The duet ends, and Jihoon turns to face Seungcheol.

“One one condition,” he says, and Seungcheol nods immediately. “Keep me away from the alcohol. I don’t need, or want, to remember me waxing fucking poetry about how pretty you are– “

Seungcheol’s grin is blindingly bright, and Jihoon feels his heart stutter for a moment. “Aw,” he coos, and Jihoon’s already beginning to regret his decision. “You think I’m pretty!”

“I  take it back, I don’t want to go on a date with you,” Jihoon grumbles, pushing uselessly at Seungcheol’s chest.

“Too late! I’m about to make a reservation for a BBQ place” he chirps, and Jihoon sighs defeatedly, playfully rolling his eyes at the figure skater.

Jisoo catches Soonyoung’s eye as he skates past, pointing at Jihoon huddled up with Seungcheol in the corner of the rink. Jeonghan raises an eyebrow questioningly, wondering what his deviously brilliant boyfriend is up to this time.

“Long story, tell you when we get home,” he winks. “Maybe I’ll even let you use the blindfold on me.”

Jeonghan chokes, and everyone else makes a face.

Oops.

Please like and reblog! <3 Leave comments too!

If you’d like more of this AU, or your own lil thing, of if you just wanna yell at me, you can do so here~

[howlitecritical]

New character arcs and new back story because canon sucks again

Main 4 cast with notes on characters that need notes for changes to make sense  Garnet: yesyesyesyesyeysyes everything good about this show. There’s not enough garnet centric things where she’s just herself and not about ruby and sapphire. More information on Garnet. Shes stoicly funny and just murders people with words sometimes. show her being rose’s top tactician. turning the tides of the war that were never in the crystal gem’s favor. maybe theres a fun earth thing shes into. Her room is the heart of the temple for a reason now. Its a balance between pearl and amethyst. The bubbles are organized, but she has her own side space with things she does as hobbies. She has a collection of antique books that she likes to read lava side and she often meditates to see corrupted gems and a future in which the CGs encounter them. maybe she even draws them out to combine ruby’s need to Do with sapphire's need to Know. Fusion is still very important to her, but not she has plot relevant interests that make sense with her character. Her character arc involves her being the first of her kind. shes something completely new! just like steven is. and for that not to bind them together is silly. She wants the best for steven and he makes her want to be an even better leader now that rose is gone and shes the only one left. she makes him think about his actions and slows down his hyper activity when he or amethyst are trying to do something reckless. From him she learns that it’s okay to let her guard down more. Homeworld might come back, but it’s not all on her shoulders. the CGs are a family and they’ll protect everyone together. Garnet in jailbreak is the first time we know shes a fusion and before that we get more about her character not just from environment around her, but her reactions to things. Maybe she feels like she needs to be in control because shes afraid that without rose, homeworld is more a danger than ever.

Amethyst: I like most of her progression actually!!! a few things I’d mess with is when she’s unnecessary hurtful to people she loves, like greg, when she shape shifted into rose, and peridot when she all but threw her stuff into the ocean. these things need to be gotten rid of, or addressed by the narrative. I’d also like to see her hanging around Vidalia wayyyyy sooner or to have a reason why they dont. As for reasons, maybe Amethyst did or said something hurtful toward her, lashing out at her for whatever reason that made their friendship strained. while a decade is a long time for a human, for a gem its nothing. so while she feels bad, Am’ isnt going to apologize herself!!! she didnt do anything wrong!!! and maybe Vidalia is the first person steven convinces her to apologize to. Steven teaches her compassion and is, in return, the gem he can relate to the best. He goes to her first with gem issues and she acts like an older sibling, trying to teach him or cover up mistakes so pearl and garnet dont find out. I think i’d like a progression of Am’ refusing to apologize to Vidalia, realizing that she was wrong and apologizing to greg, but he breaks down and can’t move past that, rendering their friendship difficult and strained as a “sometimes apologizing isnt enough and you have to change your behavior“ and then the third beat with peridot either not happening at all, where she doesnt throw someone’s comfort items into the ocean which, i think steven shouldve realized and stopped her from doing anyway, BUT if you just NEED that mistake on her part, i feel like this could be a “sometimes, you dont know how bad you hurt someone and you should apologize when you find out“ with peridot being hurt and not talking to her and amethyst has to do a big gesture to show shes sorry. I also feel like that fleshes out amedot as a ship and while i dont care about who peridot ends up with, i care about story and the way im going to make this story go, lapis will be in that fun moral grey area and i want more options in terms of story telling and of fan choice. Also!!! explore the possibility of her being deep cut and thats why shes a runt. she only looks smaller but has all these strengths because of it!!! it fits in really well and bismuth or peridot maybe because she was made for kindergardening, could tell her about it and watch her get excited because shes not ”wrong“ she never came out “wrong“ shes just different and thats okay!

Pearl: Was white diamond’s pearl, first of all! that makes every interaction more interesting, because no only did she defect from homeworld, but she defected from the Queen of homeworld and everything it stood for basically. We learn more about how homeworld operates and what places in society each gem fits from pearl, because while she doesn’t believe it herself, she isn’t kept from talking about diamonds now and what one she served. in this funky fresh au, she is sent by white to make sure the new diamond they’re cultivating from earth comes out properly (aka where the fuck did russia go) and getting her equipped with all of the technology she would need to properly rule. this is where she first meets a quartz soldier. at first she’s taken aback by the quartz’s forwardness, no one had ever talked to her like... an equal before. shes not sure if shes allowed to speak, though, she knows theyre waiting for a response. Their first interactions always begin with her requesting permission to speak. They have to wait a few more years for pink to emerge and while they’re there they slowly become friends as the life is leeched out of the area. we could have a snapshots of them waiting for together, rose getting bored and convincing pearl to come do things with her, slowly breaking her out of her shell. Pearl’s difficulty and character arc comes from not just rose and getting over her feelings, which is perfectly fine, but doesnt need to be her only trait, but finding out who she is now, not just after rose, but with humanity as a whole. with the war well and truly over. she wants to learn about what rose thought was so important to fight for, to die for, and because of that, we get her partaking in human activities that arent eating or drinking, because she still dislikes them. While Garnet reads and collects books, i think pearl being really into her weapons collection is a good idea to flesh her out more. Where did she get her swords from? Well thats a mystery. She mentions someone she cared about a long time ago made them for her and thus we get some fun bismuth foreshadowing.

Rose:  And rose..... god... we could of had it all by adele plays in the background anytime i think about her. Here we have a very beautiful fat woman. Shes framed as elegant and regal by the show time and time again and i LOVED that. however after the pink diamond reveal, I have such mixed feelings about her. No more diamond bullshit. Shes the first gem that popped out. Technically she’s too early and she goes to stand guard around the birthplace of her diamond. That is where she and pearl first meet. Pearl is the first gem she ever talks to and while she innately knows stuff about home world, shes pick up a lot from the humans that live nearby. theyve shown her kindness and given her furs to wear and in turn she helped them heal their wounded by crying on them. (yes she still has healing powers sue me) she loves the humans and takes to befriending them before pearl shows up. The two of them get close and after pink diamond pops out, rose realizes what the creation of gems truly means for the world around her. They’re killing what was here before them. This isn’t creation. It’s an invasion. Being the only quartz out so far, shes forced into the role of commander for pink. Her favored soldier. And the more she does what she was “made for” the more she hates it and the more she hates the diamond authority. she convinces pink that some humans are worth keeping. As a curiosity, my diamond. they could prove useful to terraforming other planets or moons to accept life and in time, gem cultivation.  She gets poofed while trying to save someone from the group of people she first made friends with. Maybe pink shatters whoever poofed her for not following her orders because of course Rose wouldnt defy her. rose is Loyal, unlike the rest of you lack luster garbage. Rose comes back with her iconic dress and shes here and queer and shes fucking Done with this shit. she hears about the shattering on her behalf and she goes to pink and asks why and she feels sick to her stomach because star, my diamond, she isnt Worth it. she isnt worth the cost of someone else’s whole Life!!! Oh rose... you’ve always been soft hearted. in this time, Pearl is quietly there. waiting to be called back by white as pink pearl has just been sent to take her place. And this is it. This is the moment rose decides to rebel. according to homeworld, her life should be no more than any other quartz. her life shouldnt be traded for that of others. So why? Why did pink do this? Do the gems in her court mean nothing to her? This is the first time a gem has ever summoned two weapons. A Sword and Shield. A knight turning on her master. She tried to attack pink. to poof her. to send a message right here and now that gems are all equal. that a lowly rose quartz is strong enough to take on a diamond! She fails, but only partly. she manages to strike a blow, but pink stays in tact long enough to strike on of her own, sending rose retreating into her gem. This is when pearl has to make a choice. No matter what she’d be shattered. Pink’s wrath when she reforms, white’s when she finds out about what happened. This is a death sentence. But if its a death sentence, its one she’ll choose for herself. she takes rose’s shield and uses the face of it to shatter pink herself, scooping up rose’s gem and getting as far away as fast as she can. This is the start of a war.

Steven: Oh boi. So i love steven, but theres moments where hes just... not good and the story doesnt stop him from doing that. So if were gonna say hes a kid with emotion based powers, we know hes soft and sweet and excitable. sometimes he pushes people too far because hes trying to do what he thinks is best. I want him to wrestle with the fact that his mom, this person everyone says is good, killed someone. she did something so horrible and she never killed anyone again, but she still did it once. I’d like him to get bits and pieces of his mothers memories and so we get to see the world and flashback things that happened in real time. Maybe he tries to talk to pearl about it, but she still wont instead of cant. He feels like an outcast and everyone would rather his mom be there, but they have him instead. basically a lot of his earlier character arc stuff before garnet and pearl talk to him about how homeworld was. They dont think hes old enough to hear about war, but it seems war is coming back and hes unprepared to face it without learning more. he facilitates more interactions with the townies and now its not just a war of gems against gems, they have humans on their side too and they’ll win!  

[dailyskyferreira]

Sky Ferreira Returns With an uncompromising vision and the studio hours to back it up, the enigmatic singer is back with a new single—and a promise that her first album in six years will be worth the wait.

So, what’s Sky Ferreira been doing all this time? Well, for the last 35 minutes or so, she’s been in the bathroom.

“I’m so sorry,” she says when she finally emerges, eyes wet, arms full of winter layers. It’s a late-February afternoon at New York City’s Russian Tea Room, the fabled blini-and-caviar haunt of candy-red banquettes and eternal Christmas ornaments where Madonna once worked the coat check. About a half hour ago, the 26-year-old singer turned up for our afternoon-tea reservation only to disappear in an immediate whorl, as if a czarist vortex sucked her into the basement. What she had thought was an asthmatic flare-up, she now explains, was actually a pretty severe anxiety attack. A panicked twinge remains in her expression, like the distant memory of tasting a lemon. In town from Los Angeles for three days, she tells me, “I’ve been anxious to the point that I haven’t slept at all.”

It’s a nerve-wracking moment for Sky, a pop artist, actor, and model who’s lately been keeping a low profile. This is partly because she seems to find the social contract of the PR exchange stressful, but also because she doesn’t want to suck up all the air before she gets a chance to breathe. “You really can get sick of someone’s face,” she says, as only someone who has loaned their own to Jimmy Choo and Calvin Klein could. “I don’t see the point of doing a bunch of photoshoots or press when I don’t have anything out.”

The fact that she hasn’t had anything out might be the biggest stress of all. Signed to Capitol Records at 15, Sky spent years in teen-pop A&R purgatory—groomed as a naughty-girl-next-door type with mall-Shakira hair and prefabricated singles with names like “Haters Anonymous” and “Sex Rules” (“We are animals/No matter what we deny/Our bodies strong, like magnets” are actual words she sang)—only to have her minders decide she wasn’t worth the trouble and shelve her long-promised full-length debut. Rather than give up, she used money she’d earned modeling and finished the album without their help.

Released in October 2013, Night Time, My Time was a rare major-label triumph of craft over product, a purposeful barrage of seething recriminations coated with ’90s-grunge textures and ’80-pop incandescence. It sounded like “My So-Called Life”’s Angela Chase mainlining John Hughes films and channeling her existential anguish into a record—except Night Time was the vision of a 2010s 21-year-old, and the truths were all hers.

The right people loved it. In the spring of 2015, Sky announced her second record’s name was Masochism and promised its first single that summer. The summer came and went, then the fall, and some winter too. On that New Year’s Eve, she addressed the delay obliquely on Instagram (“I refuse to put out something that isn’t honest”) and promised “in 2016 you will hear it.” In 2016, you did not, and now it’s 2019, and, still, no album. At this point, she can’t post online without some commenters popping up to heckle, “where’s the album sky” or “MASOCHISM!!?” or “still waiting,” like they’re hungry people rage-texting Seamless.

These impatient fans aren’t alone in their enthusiasm. “She’s one of those beautiful, rare people who can probably do anything,” says Debbie Harry, who’s had Sky open for Blondie. “If there’s anybody I would ever be jealous of, it would be her.”

Naturally, all of this—the anticipation, the unfulfilled promises, the time lapsed since her last release—is adding to the pressure she puts on herself. She feels like she has to explain. “It wasn’t by choice.” It wasn’t creative paralysis, nor was it a creative hiatus. “I wasn’t just taking time for myself the last five years.” During that time, she landed a half dozen movie roles, but she says she didn’t decide to focus on acting instead. “I never stepped away from music.” She alludes to vague external hindrances: “I’ve been at the mercy of people the last few years”; “gatekeepers”; “the rug pulled out under me”; a “someone at my label” who undid the generous arrangement she had to work with Kanye West musical director Mike Dean; and the very real issue of a young woman telling men what she wants and not settling for less. Then the labyrinthine nature of her production process is, as you’ll see, akin to playing charades blind-folded while riding a dog, and everyone else guesses with kazoos. Plus, she’s a perfectionist. Obsessive. She’ll do 800 takes. She’ll consider every option—and then she’ll consider it again.

But the primary reason it’s taken so long: Sky doesn’t just want her new songs done, she wants them to be good. By good, she means, executed the way she intended, no matter how long she waited to find the right violinist. Properly mixed so they don’t accidentally sound like pop-punk in the car, because “someone puts some shit on my voice” and she forgot to play them in an Uber. (Sky never learned to drive.) Songs that know their place in the broader pop continuum, not what’s hot on streaming. “I’m not looking for ‘a moment,’” she says. “I’m looking for a career—and real careers, you build them.”

She’s deemed two songs good enough to share with me. The first single, “Downhill Lullaby,” is a five-and-a-half-minute, goth-noir, chamber-pop piece—with strings!—that could have easily closed an episode of the revived “Twin Peaks.” (The association may be deliberate: Sky appeared in the show’s 2017 return, deeply admires its director, David Lynch, and the series’ music supervisor, Dean Hurley, produced the song alongside her.) Another forthcoming track, tentatively titled “Don’t Forget,” is a new wave time warp, a lovely bit of nostalgia therapy for people who were never there—even if it is, according to Sky, “about burning down houses.”

By now we’re settled into a booth, one Sky has selected in the empty part of the restaurant, far away from her manager and publicist, who’ve come along to chaperone. Her natural espresso roots have outrun her hair’s blonde highlights, and her dark T-shirt reads “CHICAGO METAL MANIA.” We’ve managed to order tea by asking the waiter to bring what he likes (a nice, orangey, spicy chai) and then momentarily horrify him when Sky asks if, instead of sending the teeny triangular sandwiches with mayonnaise back to the kitchen (she hasn’t touched them, and mayo makes her gag), we can give them to someone who’s homeless. “I’ll get you the ones without mayonnaise,” the waiter says, taking them away.

“I don’t have a back-up plan,” Sky says. “I never have. I don’t have an education. I don’t know how to, like, play music in the [traditional] sense. I’m socially awkward and stuff—I couldn’t really do a lot of other jobs either,” she says. “Literally, there’s no other option for me. So this has to work.”

There are many Sky Ferreiras. There’s Sky the model, a Hedi Slimane muse who’s walked the runway for Marc Jacobs and perfected a glare so haunted the Bates Motel must be jealous. There’s Sky the actor, who played a key supporting role in director Edgar Wright’s big-studio heist flick Baby Driver, but doesn’t have an agent. There’s Sky the live performer, who battles stage fright, but who also opened a 2014 Miley Cyrus arena tour, fell down an elevator shaft on night three, and still took the stage the next day.

There’s also the Sky here at the Russian Tea Room, whose left dimple comes as a surprise because, come to think of it, you’ve rarely seen photos of her smiling. The Sky who shouldn’t eat gluten because of an autoimmune condition, but doesn’t really tell people about it because it sounds like bullshit. The Sky who’s watched enough “Game of Thrones” to see her pets’ personalities reflected in the show’s characters. (For the record, her cat Egg would be a Lannister, while his brother Squirrel would be from the North.)

This Sky speaks in em dashes. It’s less that she loses her train of thought, and more that her thought train is screeching onto a new track. Sometimes you’re right there with her, but other times you’re watching the conversation from a distance like a detached caboose that just kept going straight. “I know I keep going in circles,” she says, “but my mind kind of always does that—spins.”

You don’t interview this Sky as much as steer her, but first you listen. “I’ve always been really shy,” she says, six minutes in. “I was actually mute for years when I was a kid.”

Little Sky Tonia Ferreira hummed along to the radio before she could talk. Raised around Los Angeles, mostly Venice Beach, her young parents split when she was a baby. Her dad tended bar, sometimes with her in tow, and when his roommates got cable, she devoured MTV. “I always hung out with a lot of adults,” she says. “I was, like, one of those kids.”

Being one of those kids meant she didn’t know how to talk to the kids who knew how to talk with each other. She was bullied constantly. She also had trouble with numbers and spelling—she suspects she’s dyslexic, but never got tested—and for a while, was so unhappy, she stopped talking altogether. “I had really long hair, didn’t speak, and had dark circles around my eyes,” she says, describing herself as a child. “I looked kinda feral.”

As the story goes, Sky’s first-grade classmates didn’t know she could talk until she sang “Over the Rainbow” in school. “As long as I can remember, I’ve felt the most like myself when I was singing,” she says. (Roughly 18 years later, she covered the Wizard of Oz ballad at David Lynch’s Festival of Disruption, and the director still raves about her version, telling me, “It was incredible. So beautiful.”)

She lived with her grandmother, who worked as a hairdresser. One time when Sky was around 7, she sang for one of her grandmother’s clients. Impressed, the man suggested she join a gospel choir. The man was Michael Jackson. So she did. Jackson also gave a 9-year-old Sky some grown-up advice that’s shaped her approach to art and music ever since: “He was like, ‘Don’t focus on things that are just around you—you need to look back to the history of music.’ And that’s what I did.”

Yes, Sky went to the Neverland Ranch—“a lot.” She also went to Jackson’s other houses. No, she didn’t witness anything untoward. “It wasn’t just because I was a girl,” she tells me, a few days before the controversial HBO documentary Leaving Neverland aired. “I was around a lot of kids.”

Yes, she’s grown hesitant to talk about her grandmother’s larger-than-life client—for all the reasons you’d expect, along with a few you might not. Like, that it’s difficult for people to wrap their minds around the fact that the King of Pop could be a formative elder acquaintance in the casually anodyne way of, say, a dancing-school teacher or a little-league coach—someone whose small encouragements could be so big. “I was really quiet, but when someone sees something in you...” she says of Jackson, before abandoning the thought. “I had a connection to him, but I’m not, like, his family.”

Sky has also routinely been asked to account for the bad behavior of men in her orbit. A dominant narrative surrounding Night Time, My Time’s 2013 release was her relationship with indie rock band DIIV’s frontman, Zachary Cole Smith—an ex-boyfriend with whom she was arrested that September. He was the driver of the vehicle in which heroin, ecstasy, and a stolen license plate were found (and someone who’s since publicly acknowledged his struggles with addiction). Throughout that album cycle, the arrest became a more delicious red herring than anything Sky had actually done.

“The thing that’s still so fucked up about that: I didn’t have a drug problem, I dated someone who had a drug problem, I was in a car with someone who had a drug problem,” she says. “No one wants to talk about how my charge got dropped.” And the whole Kurt and Courtney star-crossed mythos that dramatized the headlines around the arrest? Spare her. “I was really young; I wasn’t even 21 yet for most of it. That wasn’t my great love story of my life,” she says, adding, “The people that have treated me so much better—they’re the ones who deserve the attention, not that guy.” (Presumably, one of those people is her current partner, Elias Bender Rønnenfelt, frontman of the Danish punk band Iceage.)

Those who have followed Sky’s personal life could easily read “Downhill Lullaby” as an extended metaphor about a tumultuous relationship: “I can see that you want me/Going downhill too/Going downhill into a lullaby.” But she’s adamant about distancing her songwriting from the egos of her ex-boyfriends. “That’s the one rule I made,” she says. “The one thing that I’ve always had is my music. If someone treated me badly, they don’t get to have that. I don’t want to drag the weight of what they did around forever.”

For Sky Ferreira, time is not a flat circle, but rather a sticky mass of saltwater taffy. She tends to run late, but once she’s present and engaged, she can summon an Iron Man endurance. At the Russian Tea Room, two hours of conversation easily floats into six-and-a-half, and eventually we’re the last diners to leave. Somewhere in this elasticity, she talks about her refusal to give up on the work. “I’ve literally been using my life savings to do this record.” She is not motivated by money—to her, time isn’t money, but money is a thing to buy more time.

This springy relationship with time can make Sky seem almost anachronistic. In conversation, her offhanded pop-cultural mentions span director Todd Solondz’s 1995 cult indie Welcome to the Dollhouse, Courtney Love, the 1980 Loretta Lynn biopic Coal Miner’s Daughter, the 2018 iteration of A Star Is Born, and the cheerful ’60s sitcom “The Andy Griffith Show” (which she concedes, “No one my age knows”). Sky’s reference points, like Michael Jackson once advised, exist within a totality, not a blip.

One of her artistic lodestars glows brighter than the others: When Sky was 13, she discovered David Lynch. “He’s the first person who ever saw the world the way I saw it,” she says. “It was the first time anything made sense.” You can see Lynchian dream logic throughout her work. In fact, the staggering, airy title dirge from Night Time, My Time came to her in a dream. “I wrote it in the middle of the night, half-asleep,” she remembers about the album closer, which was built around a line spoken by the doomed girl at the center of the “Twin Peaks” saga. “Then I woke up the next day and I finished it in an hour. I still have the notes; the handwriting’s all fucked up. ” When she finished the song, she knew the album was finally done.

So Sky’s cameo in “Twin Peaks: The Return” had the meta-ness of astral projection. She played Ella, an enigmatic bar patron who talked about a penguin and flaunted a “wicked” armpit rash. “She played that scene so perfectly,” Lynch tells me. “She inhabited that character and made it real from a deep place. When she scratched that rash, you could really feel the itching!”

“Downhill Lullaby” summons the creeping orchestral gloom of “Night Time, My Time.” A sweeping arrangement in five parts, Masochism’s first single begins with a sashay of strings and an interpolation of the unmistakable squee of the Verve’s “Bitter Sweet Symphony,” followed by a murmuring, angered bass. Sky exhales a numb indictment—“You leave me open/When you hit me”—and amid the layers of kettle-drum thunder and keening violins, there’s seduction and revenge, confusion and queasiness, silkiness and elegance. It sounds like the last thing Daniel Day Lewis’ Reynolds Woodcock hears before the poison takes hold in Phantom Thread.

This habit of visualizing music—Sky does it too. Except for her, it’s the first step of many in the song creation process: “I see it like it’s projected in a movie theater.” “Downhill Lullaby,” in particular, began with a vision of water in darkness. “Lakes kind of terrify me,” she explains, recalling a childhood memory of feeling lost in a Maryland forest that packs a similar unease. “In a lake, by yourself, you look at the bottom and it’s murky and still and you can’t really see anything or feel anything—and if you do, it’s fucking terrifying. It always feels like something will grab you and pull you under.” The eeriness became the foundation for the song.

She likens the ordeal of making “Downhill Lullaby” to Mickey Mouse’s Fantasia turn as the sorcerer’s apprentice. “You know how all the brooms are making a gigantic mess and the water starts rising and rising and rising and rising?” she says. “It was sort of like that: Magical, but at the same time, ‘What is going on?’ And then cleaning it all up.”

Her technique is more like a collagist—one who both scavenges her raw materials and oversees the fabrication—than a traditional songwriter. Conceptually, she works backwards, starting a song with an imagined outline of the final arrangement, isolating each sound element, and then embarking on the oft-laborious task of identifying studio musicians with the time and patience and willingness to conjure each sound individually, so that once she’s gathered all the pieces, she can begin the meticulous process of putting them all back together.

This unorthodox approach to songwriting has led to recurring logistical difficulties for Masochism. Namely, figuring out how to articulate what she hears so that someone who’s not in her brain can actualize it. “Nobody really understood what I was trying to say or wanted to do on paper,” she says. “It was a really long process.”

Sky never learned how to read music and she’s too self-conscious to use instruments that aren’t her voice in front of others. So if there’s an obvious reference point—like a certain note in a ’90s-radio staple she wants imitated—she’ll play that for her collaborator. But when there’s not, she’s often like a conductor asking to summon a mood.

In the case of Danish violinist Nils Gröndahl, who recorded all the strings on “Downhill Lullaby,” she recalls telling him: “‘Play it as if you’re one of the birds in Snow White, singing underwater, while slowly being suffocated by plastic.’” And you know what? In the end result, it’s easy to hear all that.

Additionally, Sky is even more particular about her final mixes. She will only be satisfied after she’s evaluated her song in seven different listening contexts: a car stereo; a smartphone with “regular” headphones; a smartphone with Apple earbuds; a smartphone’s built-in speaker; on a laptop; through “really bad, bad computer speakers—like the ones that came with Dells back in the early 2000s”; and the lush splendor of the studio, which is a personal luxury because, as she notes, “most people aren’t gonna listen that way.”

And she goes through this convoluted course of action for every song. It’s no wonder Masochism has taken so long. Says Sky, “I’ve accepted this is how I work and stopped feeling bad about it.”

Two Fridays after her insomniac New York trip, Sky is on the line, self-confidence restored, completing a high percentage of her sentences. Earlier in the week, she received the “Downhill Lullaby” master, immediately dropped her phone and shattered its screen, so now she’s on speaker. “I was like, I hope this isn’t a metaphor?” At least she’s laughing.

As for Masochism. She tells me she produced most of it herself, wrote with Los Angeles-based dream-pop artist Tamaryn, and worked with Ariel Pink collaborator Jorge Elbrecht. The proper album is coming, Sky swears, almost positively in 2019. Granted, she said the same thing last year—and the year before that and the year before that and the year before that—but this time, she has finally loosened her grip on some songs.

“Downhill Lullaby” may sound like dying Disney birds and “Don’t Forget” may be electro-pop arson, but Sky promises “more poppy” songs on Masochism too, as well as more “abstract,” orchestral stuff. “It’s very big, but also very violent,” she says, half-chuckling. “But not all the songs are super-dark.” Beyond that—the number of songs, tracklist, other credited collaborators—who can say? Sky can’t yet. She has some songs in mind she’d still like to write.

[ryansfabray]

Second Impressions | Myan

Who: Ryan Fabray and Mike Chang ( @mikechangdom​ )

When: Monday 8.5.19

Where: Dance Studio

What: A little bit of dancing and flirting. Unfinished cause JQ is the worst.

Mike had been looking forward to spending some time with Ryan since they set up their night together; even more so since attending the recital that she had put on.  She had a beautiful voice and it was clear that she had put a lot of heart into each of the performances and that was something that Mike found very attractive. As Glee came to an end, Mike stepped out of the room and waited outside of the room for Ryan to step out. When she eventually did, he offered her a smile. "Hey, beautiful. How's your day been so far?" Mike questioned, adjusting the hold on his bag and its placement on his shoulder.

Ryan's hair was still wet from the shower that she took in between classes. The task that left her covered in mud for the whole day had gotten enough time during classes, but she refused to be in that state when she met up with Mike. She was still riding the high from her recital the week before and it showed with the energy that still resonated around her and the smile planted on her face when she approached Mike waiting for her outside of Glee. "Hey, handsome." Yes, taking a shower was the best idea she'd had all day."My day's been alright. I was covered in mud earlier for a task, but I was mostly looking forward to seeing you dance." Ryan started towards the dance studios in the back. "How about you. Were you looking forward to this as well?" She asked teasingly, though she wasn't entirely joking.

"So you were the mud monster that I saw walking around earlier." Mike joked, easily falling in step with the blonde as they moved towards the dance studio.  He had come up with a fun little number to showcase a bit of what he could do and then had come up with a fun little idea for something to do after he was finished his dance. "I was definitely looking forward to this. But it was fun watching things happen, knowing they were probably happening for points." Mike mused, opening up the door to the dance studio and stepping aside to allow Ryan to step in first. "I'm glad you were looking forward to this though, I have to say." He set down his bag and set everything up so the music was ready to go.

"Guilty as charged. Black rain cloud and all," she offered with a chuckle. It was uncomfortable, but an easy task for some points. The thought of bidding on someone did cross her mind, but it was her most recent conversation with Mike that gave her motivation. So far, it seemed as though they had some chemistry and it was something she wanted to play around with. Not to mention, he was very good looking and the Domme part of her was aching to be flushed out. "People really go all out for points, hm? Can't blame them, those points are our tickets out of here." Once they were inside the familiar dance studio, she moved to the side with the mirrors and took a seat right in the middle so she had the best seat in the house. "Show me what you got, dancing king."

"Have to say, I like being able to see your face." Mike let the Switch know with a chuckle. "Definitely can't blame people for wanting to get as many points as they can. I know I want to get them all and I just got here." The Dominant said, unashamed. "Prepare to be blown away, gorgeous." He watched her take a seat and offered her a smirk and a playful wink as he started the music. He let his body move to the choreography that he had created for this moment, feeling the joy flow through him as he did what he loved. Mike wished that his father could see how happy dance made him, could see how good at it he was. But he doubted his father would ever care. During part of the dance, he moved closer to Ryan, his hand pulling up on his shirt to playfully show off his abs.

“Be careful,” Ryan teased. “I’m going to start thinking you like my face of something.” Her words were said in jest and she enjoyed the back and forth banter her and Mike seemed to be developing. She simply smiled at his words about being blown away and she couldn’t help but he brought back to the last time she was in that same room with a different dancer promising to blow her away. The memories that are once tainted were happy ones again, which allowed her to focus fully on the present moment and the man who was in front of her right then and there. She watched in interest, her eyes trained on him the entire time he was moving to the familiar song. There was something so free about his movements. The passion was evident, his smile contagious, and goddamn was he fucking sexy. She licked at her lips at the exposure of his body and she couldn’t stop herself from thinking about what his muscles would feel like beneath her finger tips. At the end of his number, she offered a round of applause that filled the entire studio, her eyes still trained in his figure. “You’re incredible, you know that?”

"Oh you don't have to think it, Ryan. I am happy and more than willing to tell you that I like your face." Mike cooed with a chuckle following soon after. Mike lost himself in the music and the song, the only thing keeping him grounded to the moment was the feeling of eyes following his every move. It was different but so good to be able to showcase what he could do to someone other than the mirror and his closest friend. He wiped away a bit of sweat from his brow as the music quieted and his routine came to an end, offering her a grin when she clapped and spoke up. "I appreciate you saying that, Ryan. I love dancing. It's freeing. I feel at home when I dance." Mike offered. "Kind of like it seemed you felt at home when performing. Congratulations by the way. Your recital was incredible. Your voice was just...wow." Mike stated, moving towards her. "I'm glad you enjoyed the show. But now it's time to get you on your feet too." The Dominant said, hand reaching out in an offer to the woman, wriggling his eyebrows.

Most people didn't follow Ryan's example of being upfront and blunt and she appreciated that from the Dom. She didn't need his words to tell her how freeing it was for him to dance, she could see it from his body language alone, including smile spread across his face as he approached her. One thing she would never shy away from was having the attention on her and she reacted accordingly when he complimented her on her recital. "Well there's more where that came from," she replied with ease before taking his hand. "If you ever want a private showing, I'm more than happy to oblige." Dancing was something she wasn't as comfortable doing, but she liked him enough to humor him. "So what? You gonna teach me how to dance?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"A private showing? Yes please, beautiful. How could anyone ever turn down such an offer?" The Dom questioned with a smirk. He knew that she had just gotten out of a trial claim and that she was taken, but that didn't mean that they couldn't have some fun. He shrugged his shoulders and drew her in. He turned on the next song, a slower one, to help it be easier to move Ryan around. "Certainly won't be able to teach you in one day. But stick with me kid and we'll make a dancer out of you yet." Mike teased, spinning the blonde and then bringing her back to him. "Just move your foot when I move mine. We're going to start off easy." Mike said, beginning to slowly move around the room, giving Ryan tips and pointers about when and how to move her feet.

“That’s my thinking exactly, it’s impossible for you to turn me down. Especially because I know I made a good first impression on you, hm?” It was cocky, sure, but it was also in Ryan’s nature. Ryan was able to pick up on dances fairly quickly, that much was proven from her role in Heathers, and she was always willing to learn. She couldn’t help but yelp as he spun her around, but her smile never faded. His instructions were clear enough and she followed them exactly. “I have a task coming up that would benefit from learning a dance I could perform with heels. What you got?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You definitely made a good first impression. It is hard to be let down when you're watching someone who is totally in their element." Mike admitted with a smile. He quirked an eyebrow at her words and hummed thoughtfully. "A dance in heels, huh? Could always do a bit of a salsa." He offered, stepping away from her for a moment in order to change the song. Mike then moved back to the blonde, placing both of his hands on Ryan's waist in order to sway her hips properly. "Salsa is all about the hips." Mike murmured, as he moved her to the rhythm of the song. Eventually he let one of his hands find Ryan's again, as her hips seemed to sway the way he had urged them to. "We're dancing together right now. But you definitely don't need a partner to make a salsa work. It's just sexier." Mike said with a wink. "When you dance the salsa, your hips have to move forward with each step. And your weight should be more towards the ball of your feet."

Mike was definitely stroking her ego and she was loving every second of it. She simply nodded at his questions and tried to memorize everything he was telling her. No matter how out of her element she felt, he had a way of making her feel like she’d been dancing her whole life. “The salsa has a way of making you feel very sexy,” she commented. “I like it. It’s partly why I love working at the strip club in town. It’s such a rush of validation.” Ryan concentrated, pushing her hips forward and making sure her weight was on the balls of her foot, a very different technique to that of pole dancing. “You’re very good a this. Teaching, I mean. Am I getting it?”

"It really does. And there's a heat to it when you dance with someone else." Mike expressed, squeezing her waist gently. "How long have you worked there?" He questioned, genuinely curious about the answer. "You think so? I've never really taught anyone before so that's pretty cool." Mike said, feeling his chest push out a little bit at the compliment. It was really nice to not have to hide his love of dancing. There was a weight that felt like it had been lifted off of his shoulders. "You're doing really well." He commented with a smile, "Just need to be a bit sharper with your steps forward and then you've got the basics pretty well." Mike mused, letting go of Ryan's hand and waist so that he could stand beside her and show her what he meant by a sharper step. Mike demonstrated a few times before moving in front of her again to watch. "There you go! Just like that."

Ryan continued to move with him, her hand wrapping around the back of his neck. "Yes, I can certainly feel the heat between us, can't you?" Perhaps it was just the dance, but she liked to think there was some kind of chemistry there. "I've been working there for a few months now. But I take my craft seriously, I was practicing on a pole in my living room for months before I went looking for the job." Ryan automatically defaulted to following all of Mike's suggestions, given that this was his area of expertise. She tightened her steps and mimicked his example, smiling when she finally seemed to make an improvement. Ryan turned to the mirror and tried on her own, a smile forming on her lips when it looked like she was actually doing something. But the moment only lasted a little while before she was turning back to the Dominant. "Now, back to this shared heat when you're dancing with someone else, care to fill me in?"

"Mm, absolutely." Mike agreed, sighing at the feeling of her hand against the back of his neck. "That's really cool, Ryan. Maybe I'll have to...see you do your think at some point." He mused, leaving it open for Ryan to agree or refuse. Watching Ryan pick up what he was trying to teach her was awesome. It felt good to be helping someone with dance. And it didnt hurt that it was a beautiful girl. Mike quirked an eyebrow when Ryan posed the question, moving closer to the Switch. He rested one hand on her waist and then let it slip slowly towards Ryan's lower back; his eyes focused on hers the entire time. His other hand rested on her shoulder and then gently drifted down her arm before grasping her hand. He then pulled her flush against him, leaning his forehead down to meet the Switch's. "It's not really something you can explain. It's something you have to experience." He spoke softly, beginning to move to the rhythm of the next song. "Feeling the music flowing through you...the feeling of the other person moving with you."

[katiekat1321]

The Master and the God (part 12)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11

A/N: I have to start this by saying I’m so sorry for going on such a long hiatus. December was a tough month for me. I was in a lot of pain and ended up spending Christmas in the hospital. I’m almost all better now, but my vision is still really blurry so I haven’t been on my laptop very much so the update kept getting delayed. This chapter and the next 2 are already written, but they needed to be edited still. I’m going to do my best to get on a regular posting schedule again even though I don’t know if anyone is still reading this story lol (I’m also going to try to post a Bucky x Reader One shot that was requested AGES ago this week!)

ALSO I’M GONNA MEET TOM HIDDLESTON THIS SATURDAY!!!

IN THE LAST CHAPTER... you returned to Earth to meet with Nick Fury (little cute run in with Cap) to learn Loki’s scepter is missing and you offer to help find it and want to bring Thor and Loki to assist the Avengers. You get Fury to agree and then you return to Asgard and convince/slightly blackmail Odin into agreeing to let you take Loki with you to help.

As you head down to Loki’s room to tell him the good news you run past a number of people, dodging out of their way to avoid a collision. But halfway to your destination you sprint past a man with long blonde hair. You do a quick double take to make sure that it is in fact Thor.

You turned around and decided to try to catch up with him and let him know about the Avengers mission and make sure he would agree to help. You tried to follow him, but he was moving a little to quickly through the hallways. He’s so fast, even without Mjolnir flying him around places, you complained to yourself. As soon as the thought is in your mind you find yourself a few yards from where you once were, standing in front of Thor, who had to stop mid step to avoid running into you.

“Lady Y/n, I didn’t see you there,” Thor said, you could hear the confusion and surprise in his voice. “Actually… I thought I had passed you a moment ago and you were heading in the other direction?”

“I was, sorry. I’m still not exactly in full control of my seidr powers yet, I was trying to catch up with you to ask you something, but I focused on it too hard and it seems I was teleported?” You explained, trying to understand what happened yourself. You knew you hadn’t made a portal to get there so that was the only explanation left. “I really need to get better control over them.”

“Well it is quite impressive how quickly you’ve picked the Seidr up.” Thor complimented. “I remember when Loki was still trying to get his powers in order. When we were kids, he would often see something he wanted to play with and mother or father would tell him no, but the object you suddenly be right in front of him before they could do anything.”

You smiled at his story, it seemed Loki had always been a little mischievous. “It’s funny you mention Loki…” You said as you grabbed Thor’s bicep and guided him into a small room where there were no guards or maids to overhear you. “I returned to Earth earlier to meet with Director Fury. To update him on Loki and the status of things here on Asgard. He told me that Loki’s scepter had gone missing and that Tony was a little preoccupied with a… personal matter. He may or may not have given a very dangerous person his home address.”

Thor nodded, “I would be happy to return and help them, since the scepter is a mess my brother created. When shall we go Lady Y/n?”

“Well you see I still haven’t invited the last guest that will be coming with us…”

Thor cocked his head like a confused puppy and asked, “who else is coming?”

“Well, I felt that Loki would be very helpful to bring along,” you said quietly, waiting for an outburst similar to the one Odin had.

However, to your surprise, Thor did not raise his voice. He leaned in closer to you and whispered, “Very funny, but Father would never allow that.”

“Actually, he did, I’m just on my way back from speaking to him about it now. Odin studied my seidr and agreed that I am strong enough to handle him as long as he has some sort of power suppressant, but that shouldn’t be too difficult to arrange with the help of your mother.” You told Thor.

“My answer is still a yes. I will need to help you keep an eye on Loki.” Thor said. He paused for a moment and studied you before speaking again. I can see that you think you know him. And I want to believe that Loki is opening up to you, but I’m saying this as his brother and to protect you Lady Y/n. You shouldn’t trust Loki so readily. I say this as the person he has stabbed in the back, figuratively and quite often literally. I don’t want to see him hurt you.”

You didn’t know what to say. Thor sounded so sincere, and you knew he was speaking honestly. He would have no ulterior motive, he was genuinely worried that you were falling for Loki and Loki was going to use you. And he was partly right, at least you hoped it was only partly right. “We’ll head to the Bifrost around midday tomorrow, I’ll see you then.” Thor agreed and with that you left him standing in that room and continued on your original path to Loki’s room.

When you reach Loki’s door you see the guard that brought you to Odin. You greet him with a hello and he smiles and nods back. You’ve very excited to see Loki’s reaction to the news. You had just promised him last night that you would get him out of his sentence and you had already made good on it. Even he would have to admit that was impressive. Without thinking you just opened the door and entered Loki’s room.

You froze just after closing the door behind you because when you looked up to see Loki you saw that he had just come out of the shower. He was pulling a tunic over his head and you were speechless. It was a little embarrassing, but you had never seen a god shirtless and now you understood the term ‘god-like’. His muscles were understated, he was toned. Like his muscles were carefully sculpted, but not as bulky as Thor. His hair was the second thing you noticed. It was still half damp and a little messed up from being roughly towel dried.

“Y/n?” Loki asked once he had the shirt on properly and saw you standing there. “Has my body stunned you into silence?” You could hear the ego boost you were giving him in his tone. That snapped you out of it.

“Shut up,” you mutter. “I’ve come to let you know I’ve freed you!”

“Very funny, I didn’t know you were practicing to entertain the court.” Loki said as he sat down at his vanity and ran a hand over his head like he was fixing his hair, instantly drying his hair.

“Nope,” you reply, plopping down on his bed behind him so he could watch you from the mirror. “Tomorrow you will be assisting me and Thor with a little mission back on Midgard. Your scepter has gone missing and the Avengers are a little short staffed at the moment so they asked for a helping hand. I managed to convince Nick Fury, you remember him, right? Eyepatch? The guy you tried to kill as soon as you arrived on Midgard. I managed to convince one of your would-be victims and your father to let you come help because you should know the scepter best. If this goes well, I feel pretty hopeful that I can convince Odin to release you permanently. Frigga and I will have to suppress your powers before we go though, as per Odin’s stipulations.”

When you finished talking you looked up, expecting Loki to be very proud and thank you, at the very least a somewhat heartfelt compliment. But the reflection you saw in the mirror was anything but positive. Loki looked lost in thought, you could see a tinge of fear in the way he refused look up. You walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“What’s wrong? I thought you would be happy to get out of this room…” You were suddenly unsure about everything. Was he lying yesterday when he said he was interested in me? I knew a god would never be interested in someone who looks like me. He could have anyone, why would he settle for a fat girl who wouldn’t be able to walk if it weren’t for magic?

Loki turned to you suddenly and held your hand, like he could feel the negativity and worry radiating from you, which you wouldn’t be surprised if he could. “I’m worried about being near the scepter. I don’t want to lose myself again.” Loki turned away from you again but kept a hold of your hand. You could tell he felt embarrassed and panicked at the prospect of possibly falling under Thanos’s control once more.

You bent down so you were eye level with Loki and wrapped your arms around him. “I swear to you that I won’t let anything like that happen. You don’t have to touch the scepter at all once we find it.” Loki relaxes slightly in your arms so you decide to take a chance and press a feather-light kiss to the top of his head. He smelled like sandalwood and something that had a warm and spicy scent you couldn’t quite name.

“So, I’m a good guy now?” Loki asks. “I’m an avenger?” He felt better knowing that you listened to his concerns and ensured him that he wouldn’t have to be near the scepter.

“Well, yes and no…” You replied. Loki looked over his shoulder and shot you a questioning look. “The scepter is a key element in the first of Infinity’s requests, so I was hoping you would know some way to track it down. Regardless of how it is found we have to make sure we find it before the others do because I will have to go in and handle some business first. Then the next day or so we can tell the others and actually collect the scepter.”

“Will we be bringing it back to Asgard?” Loki asked.

You bit you lip and considered your options. You hadn’t exactly thought about what to do with the mind stone after you helped Hydra create the enhanced twins like you were instructed. Bringing it to Asgard was a bad idea because there were already two infinity stones in Odin’s vault. Keeping three in one place was asking for trouble. “We’ll see when the time comes, I suppose,” you thought aloud.

“Okay, I’ll trust you.” Loki said as he stood up, “Thank you for getting me out of here, I don’t know how much longer I could spend in here.” He turned around and held you close for a moment before you had to pull away. If the three of you were going to be returning to Midgard you still had a couple things to handle.

“I need to go find Frigga so we can figure out how to suppress your powers but still have you be strong enough to help us fight. I’ll see you in the morning, remember to pack a small bag of stuff. I don’t know how long this will take to handle,” you told Loki as you headed toward the door.

Before you could leave Loki stopped you. “One last request, please keep the big green one as far away from me as possible. I still have the occasional nightmare about being smashed around, to and fro.”

“I’m sure Dr. Banner will be so disappointed to hear that!” You announced. “I’ll let them know, but no promises.” And with that you walked out of the room.

Once on the other side of the door you turned to the guard, “Thank you for helping me find the Allfather earlier.”

“T’was nothing Lady Y/n,” he insisted. “I was happy to help.”

“Would you happen to know where the Allmother is now as well?” You asked hopefully.

The guard thought for a moment before replying. “She should be in the garden on the second-floor balcony.” You thanked the guard once again and hurried off, up the stairs, to the second floor.

When you got to the door leading to the balcony you opened it quietly and saw Frigga lounging on a bench with plus cushions. “Hello Lady Y/n,” Frigga called out as soon as you walked out. She was facing the other direction and had her eyes closed but she could sense your seidr coming. “Did you go meet with Odin, dear?”

“I did, and it went really well. So well in fact that I’m going to need your help with something.”

“And what would that be?” Frigga asked, sitting up, her interest piqued.

“Well Midgard is in need of assistance and Odin has approved my request to take Thor and Loki to help on the condition that Loki be given some type of Seidr suppressant,” you explained. “I have an issue with that though. Loki will still need to be able to fight if we need him to so he can’t be completely suppressed. He’ll need to have access to more of his powers than he does now locked up in his room. Is there any type of spell that will allow me to adjust how much of his power he can use?”

Frigga thought for a moment before an idea popped into her mind. “Follow me,” she commanded as she got up walked back into the palace and up a set of stairs you hadn’t noticed before.

“Where are we going?” you asked her as the stairs brought you to a small hallway with a single door at the other end. Frigga didn’t answer you question until she had opened the door, showing you crates upon crates of items.

“These are where I keep all of my boys’ old things. I couldn’t bear to part with anything from their youth so I’ve had them stored away here,” Frigga confessed. She walked over to a small desk on the far side of the room and pulled out Loki’s horned helmet. “I had put this away in here already because I didn’t think he would have much use for it in the near future. Please return this to him” Frigga blew the thin layer of dust that had started to accumulate on the helmet and handed it to you before rummaging through the box again. “Aha, here!”

Frigga pulled out Loki’s forearm guards and handed them to you. “This is what we will enchant! Loki usually keeps on his armor because he likes to be prepared and it was crafted to be very light and not restrict him. If we enchant one of them and connect it to a bracelet that you would wear, you could allow him access to however much of his Seidr you feel is necessary. You could restrict it when there is no danger, but when out on an actual mission just give him free reign and trust.”

“I think that is a brilliant idea Allmother, but I don’t own a bracelet that we could enchant and pair with Loki’s armor,” You admitted.

“I have plenty of excess jewelry, I’ll give you something.” Frigga decided as she was about to lead you out. She stopped suddenly and asked you, “we are just heading to my quarters, would you... prefer to make a portal to save time?”

You smiled and nodded. You loved that Frigga was entertained and mystified by the mystic arts. Early on in your training sessions she would ask you to do different spells because she thought the mandala patterns were beautiful. You held up both hands and rotated one in a circle in front of the two of you until the sparking ring opened up and revealed Frigga’s room.

Frigga smiled brightly as she stepped into her own room and brought you to a large closet with thousands of outfits, shoes, and accessories. She showed you a large case of bracelets ranging from delicate thin chains to wider, more ornate bangles. A shining gold one immediately caught your eye. It was a simple wide cuff-like bracelet with a braided pattern all around a Yggdrasil tree in the center. “This one is beautiful,” you gasped and pointed to it.

“You have good taste,” Frigga teased as she pulled it out and slipped in on to your wrist. “I wore this the day I married Odin. I would be happy knowing it belongs to you now.”

“I don’t know what to say,” you were stunned into silence that Frigga would want to give you something so special and important. You were just a Midgardian, you represent the beginning of the end of her whole world. “Thank You.”

“There’s no need to thank me dear, it is the least I can give to you. You’ve helped my son so much and his happiness is priceless to me,” Frigga said kindly. “And speaking of my son, have there been any… developments in your relationship?”

You had to laugh at her persistence, she was really devoted to the idea of you and Loki being good for each other. The humor of the situation keeping you from blushing in embarrassment, “If you must know yes, there has been a slight development,” you confessed, “but this mission is really going to be a trial run for us, I think. If things go well and we can prove to Odin that Loki can be trusted and not be locked up indefinitely I think there is a chance for something like what you’re hoping for.”

Frigga was happy to hear that. After she easily enchanted the bracelet and arm guard you parted ways and you returned to your room to pack a small backpack with a couple changes of clothes. You set Loki’s helmet down on your bed while you looked through your clothes. You decided to bring your battle gear with you and if Thor questioned you, you could claim Frigga had made it at your request. It was what you had been wearing when you first met Loki, a red hooded dress, dark grey leggings, the combat boots you were currently wearing, and gold leg harnesses. You had enchanted the leg harnesses to constantly keep energy flowing to your knees so that even if you were in a dangerous situation your magic could always be focused where it needed to be to allow you to keep walking and jumping around.

You also decided that you would allow the Staff of the Living Tribunal to remain as a staff. There was no reason for it to be disguised as a cane any longer, you could just tell everyone that you transformed it into a staff. Now that it was known that you could do magic, things were getting much simpler. Technically I’m still lying, you thought to yourself, but at least this way I’m only lying about how I can do these things and not that I can do them entirely. Still not the ideal situation to be in, but it’s definitely an improvement.

You glanced over at Loki’s helmet and smiled. “God this thing really does look ridiculous,” you said to yourself. You walked over to where you had left it on the bed and picked it up, walking over to the mirror to try it on. It was a little to big for you and the weight caused it slid down over your eyes. “It’s stupidly heavy too,” you observed. “The design of this is absolutely awful, maybe I can surprise him with a little upgrade later…”

As you removed the helmet you actually took a moment to notice that the sun had already set. You knew you should get to sleep, because tomorrow would be overwhelming. You would have to gather Thor and Loki and go to Midgard, where you would be confronted by a whole new set of people. However, unlike Odin, these people had just fought with Loki, recently and personally. You knew it would not be so easy to convince them, you couldn’t just blackmail the Avengers the way you did with Odin. It would take more to convince them that Loki was not the villain they thought he was. You would also need to make sure no one would suspect you were in a newly formed and extremely complicated relationship with Loki. If anyone thought there was something going on between you two, not only would Fury probably try to prevent you from returning to Asgard, but the others would just think he had tricked you and you were under his control.

Are you sure you’re not being tricked though? A voice in the back of your mind questioned. You know that everything you’re doing goes against what you had vowed to the Ancient One, to the Masters back at Kamar-Taj.

You shook your head, pushing the thoughts out of your head. You knew Loki wasn’t lying, his Seidr stayed steady the whole time you were with him earlier. Everything was fine, everything would continue to be fine; at least you hoped it would. And with that final thought you laid down in bed, because you were exhausted from not getting enough sleep the night before. You shut your eyes and prayed you would get a solid night’s rest finally.

When you woke up you realized that it was mid-morning. You did manage to get about seven hours of sleep, but you knew you had some kind of nightmares. You couldn’t remember any specifics but you recalled some kind of tormented dreams and fear when you woke up. I don’t have time to sit around you decided as you got out of bed and got dressed. There were a few things that needed to get done today before you could return to Earth.

First of all, you needed to eat breakfast. Then you’d need to give Loki his helmet and make sure he put on the power suppressant armor before meeting up with Thor and heading to the Bifrost. Deciding that you needed to get a move on with today, you got out of your warm bed and put on the outfit you had been wearing when you arrived on Asgard; the S.H.I.E.L.D. T-shirt, a pair of jeans, and a cardigan, but you wore an Asgardian cloak over it all to avoid drawing too much attention to yourself.

You liked to believe that you were fitting in well at the palace. Granted, you didn’t look like the other skinny maidens that hung around to entertain the elite members of the upper class, but you didn’t think that you stuck out. Asgardians and Humans looked exactly the same so it’s not like they could point you out based on physical appearance alone. You didn’t want to make a spectacle of yourself so you actively tried to blend in as best you could. Yesterday you were still wearing a dress at least, but a shirt and jeans you felt was a little too informal. However, once you were back on Earth, if you were wearing the long, multi-layered dresses made of exquisite materials commonly used on Asgard, you would look like you were heading to a renaissance fair.

These thoughts clouded your mind as you came down the stairs, but when you entered the dining hall and saw Thor sitting at a table with Sif and the Warriors Three you had intended to just grab some food and eat quietly while thinking about all the different outcomes that could come of this scepter mission. That is until Thor saw you too and loudly invited you to eat with them. You nodded and grabbed a plate before joining them.

“Hello,” you said to them all before sitting down. “I wasn’t aware that the lot of you had returned from the other realms.”

“Hello Lady Y/n,” Fandral greeted. “Thor was just telling us that he would be leaving today to go to Midgard to help you with a quest! Is there any chance that you might need more assistance, perhaps from an incredible handsome and brave man, such as myself?”

Sif rolled her eyes and you snorted, trying to keep a straight face as you replied, “Thank you Fandral, but I do believe that Thor, Loki, and I will be enough help to the Avengers.”

“So, it is true!” Volstagg interrupted, “You are bringing Loki back to Midgard with you!”

“We thought Thor was jesting when he told us,” Hogun added.

You smiled and shook your head, “No, Loki is coming too. I trust that he can help us and wants to.”

“You’re foolish to trust him so easily,” Sif says before taking a sip of her drink. “Prince Loki does not care about the destruction or casualties he causes on his way to the top.”

That offended you. Loki wasn’t there to defend himself and no on else knew his exact motivations for the things he had done in the recent past besides you. “I’m aware you all have known him much longer than I have, but I wholeheartedly believe that he is not as terrible as you think he is.”

You watched Sif’s facial expression morph from confusion, to shock, and then to one of pity. “It’s a dangerous game you’re playing, Midgardian.”

Sensing the tension between the two of you, Thor cleared his throat before changing the topic. He asked Hogun about the status of things on Vanaheim. This also distracted Volstagg and Fandral, but Sif stayed quiet and watched you closely. Her prying eyes were unnerving so as soon as your plate was finished you stood up and announced, “I’m going to go make sure Loki is ready to go.”

“Wait Y/n,” Thor said as he stood up with you, “We will be leaving soon anyway, I will join you.” The two of you said your goodbyes to Sif and the Warriors Three before heading to Loki’s room. Once you left the dining hall Thor turned to you and apologized. “I’m sorry about Sif, she will hold a grudge against someone until the end of time. She is still angry that Loki betrayed Asgard. I too believe my brother is not as bad as he seems to others. Thank you for giving him this chance.”

“Thank you, I’m hoping that bringing Loki to Earth will help clear his name. So he can redeem himself.” You explained to Thor. The two of you were just about to turn down the hall leading to Loki’s room when you realized that your backpack, the bracelet and arm guard, and Loki’s helmet were all in your room still. “Crap…” you muttered as you stopped.

“What’s wrong?” Thor asked.

“I forgot a couple of things, give me a moment.” You stated as you held up your hands, holding two fingers and a thumb on the hand that you wore your sling ring on and made small circular motions until a small portal appeared. You reached your arm through and grabbed your backpack, which you threw over your shoulder, under your cloak, before going back you grab Loki’s helmet and the bracelet and armor. You handed Thor the helmet and saw his surprised expression.

“I’ve never seen my mother or brother do anything like that.” Thor whispered to himself.

“Oh, um,” you nervously stuttered, “well it’s nothing really. Seidrs differ greatly so some can perform spells that others cannot. That’s how the Allmother explained it to me at least. Let’s continue on, we should be leaving soon.” You said as you slipped the bracelet onto your wrist and closed the portal. Thor paused for a moment before accepting your explanation and following you down the hallway.

You greeted the guard, not the one you had sort of befriended unfortunately, at the door before knocking and warning, “Loki? Thor and I are here, are you ready?”

“Of course I am,” Loki said as he opened the door. “It’s good to see you Lady Y/n. Brother.”

“It’s good to see you Loki,” Thor said with a smile. “Here, your helmet.��� Loki stared at Thor for a moment before reaching out and accepting it. You almost laughed at how they interacted. It really was like watching a golden retriever and a cat being put in a room together.

Before it could get any more awkward you cleared your throat, drawing Loki’s attention to you. “Loki, I’ll need you to wear these as well,” you said as you held up the arm guards. “They’ve been enchanted and paired to this bracelet that I will be wearing. I can control the amount of your Seidr you’ll have access to. You’ll need to keep them on for the duration of the mission.”

Loki nodded, before walking closer to you and offering both wrists up to you. “Give me a hand, will you?” he asked. You agreed and helped him put the guards on. Loki observed you for a moment before thinking to you, you seem uneasy, are you all right?

I’m fine, you assured him, just had an interesting conversation with Thor’s friends earlier, it’s nothing to worry about. We have bigger things on the horizon.

Loki nodded slightly and when he saw you had finished with the armor he turned back to Thor. “Shall we get going?”

“Yes, yes we should.” You said and turned back to the door, motioning for the two of them to follow; you walked out with Loki and then Thor behind you. Once you were in the hallway the guard stopped you.

“Loki isn’t to leave.” He declared.

“No, I have word from Odin that he is allowed to leave with me.” You explained. The guard resisted, claiming he had not been told anything about this. Thor then steps in to vouch for you and argue with the guard.

“You expect her to go find the Allfather and bring him here to personally tell you that she is allowed to take Loki?” Thor asked, his tone threatening.

“Well, no, but…” The guard started to say, but trailed off, not knowing what he to do.

“If you are arguing this isn’t allowed, why did you already break the rules of Loki’s containment? Only I am supposed to be allowed through this door, but you let Thor in with me not even ten minutes ago without question.” You pointed out.

“You really think that if Odin wasn’t allowing this that we would get anywhere?” Thor added, “Heimdall wouldn’t allow us to use the Bifrost. If we were committing treason we wouldn’t get very far.”

It seemed that the mixture of you and Thor intimidating this poor guard was too much for him. He looked panicked before finally giving in and with that the three of you walked out the front doors of the castle where three horses were waiting with stable attendants. You slowed your steps as you tried to figure out how you would even get on a horse, let alone manage to not fall off halfway there.

“Lady Y/n, I’m assuming you don’t know how to ride horseback?” Thor questioned.

“No, I’m afraid I do not,” you agreed.

Thor mounted his horse and held a hand down to you, “Here, join me then.” You glanced at Loki who was watching the interaction closely. Loki scoffed when you reluctantly took Thor’s hand and got on the horse behind him.

Calm down, you thought to Loki, Thor is just helping me get to the Bifrost. This is nothing.

Sure, Loki replied back. You could hear the annoyance in his thoughts so you decided to push him a little more. You stuck your tongue out at him and smiled as you wrapped an arm around Thor’s waist.

Meanwhile, Thor was oblivious, asking the attendants to return the third horse to the stable and that these two horses could be collected later from Heimdall at the Bifrost before cueing the horse to move forward with the reigns. Loki followed suit.

Wait until I get you alone later, Loki thought to you mischievously.

As lovely as that sounds, I don’t think that is the best idea while we are trying to lay low, you cautioned. You’re going to be the center of attention when we arrive and it wouldn’t surprise me if they wanted to keep a close eye on you for the first couple days.

You knew Loki wanted to say something else, but before you knew it you were at the Bifrost. Loki had quickly dismounted his horse and was at your side, offering you and hand to get down. You smirked at him as you accepted the hand and he gave it a gentle squeeze.

Once you had gotten off, Thor also swung a leg over and hopped down from the saddle. “Heimdall, we wish to go to Midgard,” Thor announced.

Heimdall looked from Thor, to Loki, and his eyes finally settled on you. You knew what he was asking so you just nodded before explaining. “Odin has approved, but it seems he conveniently forgot to let anyone else know. You may take a moment to ask him if you’d like.”

Heimdall took a step closer to you and watched you carefully. He was reading your body language, your seidr, and you expected he was even searching your mind. I hope you know what you’re doing. Heimdall thought to you.

I do, you mentally promised, this is part of Infinity’s plan and I honestly trust loki.

“You’re free to pass.” He finally announced, “Where to?”

You thanked him with a small nod, “Washington D.C, the top of the Triskelion building if you can manage it.” Heimdall made a small grunt of affirmation before wishing you all a safe journey and putting the sword in and turning it to activate the Bifrost and send you on your way.

**If you would like to be added to the tag list for this fic send me an ask!

Tag List: @missaphrodite23 @sidemenaremylife @casuallyobsessivewitchcraft @alfoos @fiftyshadesofriri @dammitkatt @awkwardnesshabitat @fiery-feyre-writings @serrure-ikol @bone-ankle-tree @shysaladewriter @lizard-zombie​

Part 13 -->

[vael]

2018 Annual Review

Another year in the books and I'll be using James Clear's review format as inspiration for my own Annual Reviews. This year was a busy one for me, but unfortunately not my best.

What went well this year?

I released Bean Grower. It was well received! A few people stuck around after the tutorial and two people played far more than I had expected. (one of them my wife, who played more than just for that sake) Bean Grower is designed as a supplemental game for the studio, which means it is not a main driver for profit or success and that it can't be played continuously. Its purpose is to be a warm-up or even cool-down game after playing one of the studio's main titles.

This was my first ever truly completed game; MonBre was never finished. I learned a lot about game design, web game design, and built out my developer toolkit. After Orbium, I found some time to give the game a small update.

I refactored and released The Orbium. I learned a technology known as React.js for this, and the results were impressive: the site is snappy, easy to maintain, and fun to develop. I made the Game Feed, what is effectively a "Facebook Timeline" but for what you and your friends are doing in games. We now adhere to the GDPR, and we no longer even require an email to sign up. It's now a Progressive Web App, which means it's installable on your phone and hopefully soon will be available in app stores. (the web world is waiting for companies to make that decision)

I started building a house. Two years ago, my boss pitched the idea of moving the company to South Carolina. My wife and I had a lot of trouble finding a house we loved, so I met with a builder in February 2018 to start the process of building our dream home. I'm extremely happy with the floor plan, and the house sits on a happy 2.13 acres. We expect to garden/farm the land starting this Summer. We're currently waiting for it to finish; more on that in the next section.

I changed my name. Finally, after months of emails, mails, phone calls and two court appearances, my family has adopted the surname Victus. I'm done being someone I'm not.

I organized myself. I spent a solid two weeks doing all manner of things to organize myself, spawned from the realization that I'd lose some important files that should have been on a dropbox. (and now are) I organized my bookmarks, files, Asana to-do lists, switched from Simplenote to OneNote, and even washed and organized my messenger bag.

What didn’t go so well this year?

Mental performance. This has been the worst year for my mental performance and health since 2009-10's depression. I used to be an information sponge. I used to speak better and feel more in control. I could articulate my thoughts better. I don’t even like how I’ve written this annual review. I added maybe two files to my dropbox's "Mind Palace" directory this year; it has been my worst year for learning, partly because I felt like what I was learning was turning to mush. I tackled cell phone usage and maybe that helped, but Forest can only take me so far.

I don't know what it was that triggered me into this state, but I can say it was around mid-January that I started to feel sluggish. I've reclaimed short windows of lucidity here and there, but the bottom line is that I felt very average this year and I refuse to believe that it's age. I have reason to believe it's partially hereditary.

Regarding my mental health: I'm a fairly stable, low-neuroticism guy. But this year I felt more prone to anger and apathy. I think, ultimately, I had a lot of moving pieces: changing my name, building a house, learning new tech and working on my hobby work whenever possible, financial concerns regarding the house, and still trying to maintain a happy family.

Extended Family. Now that it's happened, I realize how inevitable it was. We've always been the black sheep and my wife was never fully accepted into the family. I'm not detailing the past eight years of familial interactions here, but after years of passive-aggressive quips at parties, being excluded from group-texts and such, it all went down in an MMS soon after Thanksgiving. Everyone was free to speak their minds being that we're moving to South Carolina. I decided to stop coming around, which does not bother anyone except my immediate family. Where I once thought we'd at least fly up bi-annually, now I have no plans to return other than for a vacation. I will fly up solo for funerals.

The house. So we have this beautiful life laid out for us, really going to do things right, breathe clean air and finally have a place to put things, it'll be grand. The builder says 4-6 months; we assume once the financing begins that it'll be more like 6-7 months, and everyone we talked to said it would probably be the case. We figured October at the latest, maybe fully settled by end of November. It's looking more like 9+ months now. The house was 71% done (an actual metric) on the 19th of December. We're confident we'll be moving in January, but there is no guarantee, and this has made things very stressful for us. The builder’s reason for taking so long is the weather. Google suggests it’s been a very rainy season for them, so it’s probably true.

When building a house, you'll have a monthly escrow payment relative to the amount the builder's taken out of the loan in order to actually build the house. This is an interest payment and while it is tax-deductible, $3,500 has been sucked out of my bank account. Each month that goes by gets higher and higher, meaning each month we're delayed hurts more and more. The money is just thrown away to the bank. Escrow + down payment + saving for the move has been stressful to manage.

What did I learn?

I became a better web and game developer this year.

I think I finally learned to stop playing a game when it becomes a chore.

Most people's work and hobbies aren't going to meaningfully progress humanity, so all that really matters in the end is how many children we have and how well we take care of them.

I learned the value of thoughtfulness when a surprise birthday gift from a friend coincided with my wife returning from her trip; we had a few long talk-fights about how husbands should be, and I have to say I feel great giving her surprises and going out of my way for her. Will try to be more thoughtful with friends and everyone around me.

Changing your name is a pain. Changing it while building a house is just asking for more pain.

Familial relationships are less durable than I'd thought. Also considering technology's role in all this.

2019 Outlook

Sunny! I hope it will be my best year yet. I'm a very goal-driven person, so this house is huge for me. Because of the the security and happiness a house offers, saving has been a priority for me ever since I took my current job in Summer 2012. Every lazy takeout dinner or car maintenance bill has been a direct assault on that goal; that is how I think, and most people find it a miserable way to live, but here I am. It's a great weight lifted.

I'm going to release Fireburner this year. I think I’ve come up with a way for the game to be fun. I hope to surpass Bean Grower in visual quality/polish. It isn’t a game for everyone, however, and while it isn’t a supplemental game for the studio, it also isn’t a main driver.

GAM3 will be totally ready for external developers. I should not keep the engine to myself. I want people building with it. I want to monetize it. 

I eventually want to approach companies to demo GAM3 as a real tool for building web games and even apps! My work with app-ifying The Orbium means it should be trivial to get that working for GAM3; the implications of such being that anyone who makes a GAM3 game also makes an Android or iOS app. That's powerful stuff.

In order to do this, GAM3's player side is getting the same refactoring that Orbium did. I'm going to take a break to tech up before I do this, as it's imperative that I do it right the first time. This means I won't be as focused on "results" this year, but it also means I'll spend a lot less time building each game's tech in the future.

Zen. I'm making an effort to heal and refine myself. I want a lucid mind and flexible body. It's time to take my sleep seriously. It's time to properly manage my dry-eye. My son's (assumed) bus schedule means that I'm going to have more time to myself in the morning before work, so I'll be starting the day off by stretching and making myself a real breakfast at least 3/5 weekdays. I want to be my best, and it's going to start with this effort.

Thanks for reading my annual review! Here’s to hoping 2020 will be even sunnier. :}