#I want empathy without forgiveness | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

galene-gothic · 23 days ago

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⊹ ! ೀ Pile 1 ꒱

You have dealt with situations not turning out the way you wanted them to despite heavily investing into them. These situations in fact, made you feel very naive and taken advantage of. Ugh I just heard “a woman’s loyalty is tested when the man has nothing and a man’s loyalty is tested when he has everything.” I also suddenly got a vision of a TikTok that I saw a while ago. The man in the video was saying that if a woman stays with him at the lowest point of his life, he’d leave her when he gets to a high point because she clearly doesn’t respect herself 💀. It doesn’t necessarily have to do with a man or boy but it could have been a similar situation. You invested a lot into someone or possibly even multiple people and you were incredibly generous. The value was being provided only one way i.e. only you were the one bringing ANYTHING into the connection but you were the one being treated as though you didn’t have any value, as though you didn’t bring anything valuable into the connection or this person’s life. It definitely could have been an experience with multiple people for some of you. I was earlier hearing ‘without me’ by Halsey in my head and now I’m hearing that song, I’m not sure about the title I’ve only heard it through reels and TikTok. It goes something like “It’s not your fault I ruin everything and it’s not your fault I can’t be what you need.” This is honestly very sad, this person or people used to rely on you when they were sad but when they were enjoying life and had happy moments, they didn’t really share those with you, they didn’t spend those with you. It’s like when they experienced really good and happy moments, they just disappeared, and despite everything that you were offering them, they wanted a ‘happily ever after’ with other people. They used to take what you had to offer and use your resources to their benefit but they didn’t want you, they didn’t offer you anything of value, they didn’t even truly appreciate your value and only used it.

There definitely was this feeling of insecurity because why didn’t they see your value and treat it as such despite you doing, and offering so much? It was just a really bad investment on your part because all you were doing was wasting your time and energy by depleting your time, energy, and resources on an ungrateful person. I really wanted to use the b-word just now but I stopped myself. I’m feeling angry on your behalf here. You did everything with a very pure and affectionate heart. When you were doing and giving anything at all, you were being genuine with it. It was a very innocent kind of love that you were extending yourself with. You were sensitive to their needs and almost psychically picked up on things in regard to them, and even if you didn’t, you actively tried to because that’s just how pure hearted you were and their stinginess… gosh. They didn’t even try to invest in you at all, did they? You seem to have questioned your value and worth back then. Due to how you were investing into the connection with a sense of innocence, you were wounded like a child is. Let me explain it to you, kids have not seen enough of the world so when they get scolded or punished by their parents, it’s easy for them to question themself and believe that they must’ve done something wrong. They also forgive the trespassers again and again because that’s just how pure kids tend to be but whatever kids experience during their childhood sticks with them on a very deep level and is inevitably going to affect them as adults. You experienced a similar experience back then. It hit your inner child quite heavily. “How long could we be a sad song, till we were too far gone to bring back to life. I gave you all my best me’s, my endless empathy and all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier. Fighting in only your army, front lines don’t you ignore me. I’m the best thing in this party. You’re losing me and I wouldn’t marry me either, a pathological people pleaser who only wanted you to see her.”

That’s ‘you’re losing me’ by Taylor Swift. I keep on hearing the part that goes “my heart won’t start anymore, my heart won’t start anymore.” I feel like you genuinely cannot bring yourself to feel anything for this person or these people anymore because when you were, they were abusing it. While I was writing ‘abusing’, I mistakenly typed ‘anus’ and that describes them pretty well :D. Despite having experienced all of this, you haven’t hardened. In fact, you’ve softened more. The more pain that you had to experience, undergo and heal from, the more pure hearted, innocent, loving and childlike you’ve gotten. Somehow, your inner child has healed and feels more comfortable expressing themself after everything you’ve experienced. There’s also an acceptance of your own contradictions here. You’re quite misunderstood and have always been. I just heard “I was a mature child so now I’m a childish woman.” You’ve always been mature yet childish. Some of you are incredibly mature on the inside but might be very childlike in the way you live and express yourself externally while it may be the other way around for the rest of you. Also, you have likely embodied both of these sides at different points of your life. There could have been a point when you wanted people to take you seriously because you were very mature on the inside and another point when you wished you could express yourself in a lighter, softer, and more playful manner because you were very sensitive and soft on the inside but on the inside, you ended up expressing yourself as more serious. Having embodied both of these, you are aware that others will criticise and misunderstand you either way, and that you won’t be happy with yourself either if you don’t accept your own contradictions and aren’t comfortable with being misunderstood so now, you don’t really care about whether someone misunderstands you.

“Sometimes I can’t even understand those perceptions, it feels unfair at times but the misunderstandings that make up the countless versions of me. All of them are ‘me’ in the end.” I feel like most of you are perceived as childish and are in fact very pure at heart but having been taken advantage of has caused you to develop a cautious approach and not commit to situations recklessly, and that’s a strength of yours. You also do not really give too much importance to a happy ending anymore. You don’t seek belonging and joy from others anymore, and are fine keeping to yourself and are very careful with the situations, and people that you invest in. The thing is, you’re not exactly closed off. You’re still open, pure hearted, loving and affectionate but it’s just that you’re finally more impatient. You can now leave situations as easily as you entered them if the other person doesn’t seem as invested. You know that you deserve a pure, loving and affectionate connection that is innocent, playful and genuine where you’re always chosen, and can always choose them and share a lot of intimacy with the other person - friend, lover, whatever. So when you don’t see things going to that direction, you don’t mind putting an end to things. You’re not willing to settle for anything except the most genuine and pure form of love, and connection because you know that you can provide it. You want to be treated as softly as you treat people and have them stick with you through thick, and thin with proper investment and to adore you, and value you affectionately and genuinely. You are unwilling to accept anything less than that. Having experienced whatever you experienced, you’re aware that you have a lot to offer but that giving more does not equal to receiving more so you don’t try as hard anymore. You’re still the same, you still try to extend yourself generously and provide value to the other person wholeheartedly but even now, you notice one sidedness, and it doesn’t bother you because you choose to either leave entirely and not invest any further or just pull away, and are not committed to trying and investing anymore. You are fine with getting away from people now.

You are alright with people not seeing your value and missing the opportunity to be in your close circle. You just don’t invest heavily into situations for a long time anymore. You try initially because you’re naturally a giver and are incredibly generous but when you feel like you’re not receiving the same, you don’t even question your worth or think about “why?”, you just let them. Also, this generosity of yours is not a method of finding belonging. It kind of is but it is more about how you feel about yourself rather than how others see you. You want to be kind and generous because you just naturally are a giver, and you find a sense of comfort in how much you do for the world, how much value you provide and how much good you put out into the world even if you don’t have anywhere you find belonging, and joy, even if you don’t have those personal connections. Instead of chasing a ‘happily ever after’ and joy, and fulfilment through external sources and connections, you chase purity of spirit, genuineness and generosity. There’s this mantra coming through but I’m not sure how it will resonate. The following includes mention of the hindu god ‘Shiva’ but even if you’re christian or muslim, or any other religion. I need you to take the message and try to interpret it rather than shunning it completely just because you don’t believe in the god or religion. Let me give you a little piece of advice before we move onto the mantra, if you find anything from other religions or concepts that you don’t follow, believe in or understand but it’s something that resonates with you, could help you going forward and just help you lead a better life, take it. The mantra goes “om tryambakam yajaamahe, sugandhim pushti vardhanam, urvaarukamiva bandhanam, mrityur mukshiya mamritaat.” It translates to “om, we worship the three eyed one (lord shiva), who is fragrant, increasing the nourishment (spiritually). From these many bondages (of samsara aka worldly cycles) similar to cucumbers (tied to their creepers). May I be liberated from death (attachment to perishable things), so that I’m not separated from the perception of immortality.”

I feel like many of you have already reached a point in which you understand that attachments are illusionary. If you haven’t yet, you will. You care about your soul and the truth of it - the purity, essence and nourishment of it more than you care about worldly cycles, and things that are perishable i.e. attachments which is why when you aren’t receiving love, don’t have personal connections or are misunderstood, even if it bothers you, it doesn’t. Your soul is whole and immortal, and so is love and joy, and it’s also ever present as long as one can maintain their soul and its true essence so you are just focused on that. Religions and spirituality both put an emphasis on love, and purity and I don’t mean purity as in not being allowed to enter temples during your periods, etc. but instead that they put an emphasis on remaining loving, always leading with love and keeping the heart as light as a feather. You are doing that and you’re spiritually aligned. Obviously with the hurt that you’ve faced, you sometimes may feel heavy or have felt heavy in the past but you have a loving spirit that is still pure at its core and you maintain it with utmost reverence, and that’s your strength. I was earlier getting the quote “do you know how much anger it took to be this gentle?” And now, I’m getting the bridge of ‘solo’ by Jennie coming through. “After the relationship, romance and emotions there’s breakup, tears, regret, and longing. I like being alone because I should be true to myself. Like the flowing wind, like the stars above the clouds. I want to go faraway, I want to shine brightly.” That’s the energy that you seem to possess, you know what you offer and deserve now, and you let go of any attachments that make you feel less than. If you aren’t here yet, you can be. All the best 💞. You’re doing really well. When it comes to your wounds, you are a stubborn one. You’re really persistent and determined to make things work, and are so busy doing so that you don’t notice when the other person has already given up.

You put in work diligently from the start to the end with consistency which is why it hurts more when they give up because you put so much effort into it. You also have long term intentions or even if you don’t, you put in work as though you do because you naturally are long term oriented and you maintain loyalty consistently without a single slip on your part so when the other person gives up, you feel really betrayed and hurt. Lifelong connections are beautiful because they require work and both parties not wanting to give up. You are willing to make things work by putting your all into whatever it is that you want to succeed because of your long term oriented approach. You don’t just give up without trying, you don’t give up without a fight, you can’t because you just value it so much and want it in the long run so the awareness that when someone wants something in the long run, wants someone on the long run, they won’t just run away when things get hard and they have to put effort in is something that wounds you because people have been too easy to give up in the past. You seem to have dealt with a lack of loyalty from others too and what is upsetting is that you were loyal to them. What seems to have happened is that you met someone (possibly even multiple people for some of you) when they were going through a time of discontentment, stagnation, apathy, isolation, boredom, yearning, etc. and you were present for them consistently but when they got better, they left you behind while you were still putting in work and trying, and they didn’t explicitly tell you that they had given up right away. You fell victim to the classic method of being wounded until you couldn’t try anymore. The wounds could have come from their carelessness, negligence, lack of gratitude or acknowledgement of all that you had done and been for them, or well all of the above.

In fact, for some of you, they could have been wounding you actively by treating you as if you were a burden and talking to you in ways that scarred you. In many cases, it could have been both. Whether their approach was passive, active or both, it was equally bad and you didn’t deserve that. You simply just knew that love and connections were hard work, and were willing to put that in. You knew that things aren’t always easy but you still tried until you absolutely couldn’t anymore. Once you finally gave up, you had to consistently put in work into your own betterment in order to heal the wounds that were inflicted on you back then. You’re showing strength even when I’m trying to tap more into your wounds. Despite how wounded you were, you persisted with courage. You learned from your previous failure and wounds, and endured the pain and managed to get better eventually. I feel like at some point, you tried to maintain strong routines in order to get better and it worked wonders for you. You gained clarity on your past, present and future as well as a desire to be present, pleasant and proud. One thing is for sure, you started wanting to focus on the present moment and make the most out of it. You released your emotions and saw where change was needed, and created those changes. You left the past behind you and grew emotionally to the point of feeling almost enlightened. Now, you’re self aware, focused, content, grateful for what you already have, try to be present, accept yourself and situations as they are, and know your responsibilities and try to carry them out properly. Also, you reflect to learn but try to be and are present. The journey to get here wasn’t an easy one, the path was really rocky and rough with twists, and turns but you still made it. Pat yourself on the back, you’re doing so well. Thank you so much for reading. I hope that the reading resonated and that it provided you with the answers, and guidance that you wanted and needed. Much love and take care 💋.

⊹ ! ೀ Pile 2 ꒱

Your strength is that you’re a protector and provider, and your wound is that people either don’t see it, take it for granted or are intimidated by it. Also, a very interesting thing that was happening when I was shuffling for you was that I wanted to channel ‘strengths and wounds’ but I kept on messing up and saying ‘strengths and weaknesses’. I feel like it was because your wounds have caused you to feel really weak or have created a weakness within you in some way. Don’t worry, we’ll look into it properly so that you can heal these parts of you and reclaim your power. I just heard that audio “they gonna hate me regardless, that’s why I do what I do.” Also, you’re more of a man than most men are 😭. You’re naturally a protector and provider, and I’m picking up on a lot of passion from you including an emphasis on sexual intimacy. Currently if you’re single, this can simply manifest as feeling horny frequently or/and masturbating a lot (or well just craving that orgasm even if you’re unable to touch yourself) but you’re definitely very passionate in romantic relationships, likely physically affectionate in other ways outside of sexual intimacy as well. You’re friendly and charismatic, and approach others with a fairly soft yet a bold and almost flirty demeanour. I feel like you’re this way with your same sex friends more than anyone else. You have a strong aura and it is because you possess a lot of integrity. ‘Substance over form’ is the kind of person that you are and that’s your strength. You’re really solid on the inside possessing courage, generosity, principles, ethics, a sense of responsibility, maturity, passion, loyalty, so on and so forth. You have turned out to be a strong person with a well rounded and strongly grounded character despite everything that you’ve undergone instead of letting it turn you bitter, and resentful. I’m hearing ‘easy on me’ by Adele. “Go easy on me baby, I was still a child didn’t get the chance to feel the world around me. I had no time to choose what I chose to do. So go easy on me.”

“There ain’t no room for things to change when we are both so deeply stuck in our ways, you can’t deny how hard I’ve tried. I changed who I was to put you both first but now I give up.” Some of you could have childhood trauma - endless sacrifice for your parents while some of you didn’t have parents and did everything to please your guardian(s), and the rest of you dealt with bullying or aggression from others and the ones who don’t relate to any of the above could have lost someone (possibly multiple people) and they could have been acting very egotistically, making you feel weak but it was not exactly your loss even if it may have felt like it at the time. Some of you may have hit the lottery and dealt with all of the above 😍. You could have also lost someone who you sacrificed a lot for. I just got the word ‘everyone’ and earlier at the beginning of the reading I had received the word ‘burnt’. Did you at some point feel like you lost everything and were burnt by everyone? You may have also felt as though you sacrificed a lot, too much of yourself for others in the past. “So you can love me, hate me, you will never be, never be, never be me. Try me, I’ll break free, you will never be, never be, never be me.” The song is literally titled ‘rebel heart’, I feel like back then despite any feeling of weakness and despite surrendering for the sake of peace, and feeling as though you lost, you knew that you hadn’t. You were rebelling from within and not egoistically but by channelling all your inner strength. You’re really confident in yourself now. I’m trying to dig up your past but you’re showing me how great you are in the present. You know that no one can ever be you. “I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.” You value your peace more than anything. You are ethical, reliable, long term oriented and seek excitement, and passion in long term matters rather than by seeking fleeting thrill. In fact, the more safe, stable and grounded a connection is, the more passion, excitement and joy you experience.

You do not feel any desire to wander or be unfaithful, your passion is reserved for just your significant other and your significant only. Like, you don’t even get tempted 💀. For example, if you’ve been in a relationship with someone for years, you’d rather try to experience new sorts of passion and excitement with them rather than get connected with someone new, and ruin something beautiful that you already have going and even if that’s not possible in grand ways just the fact that they’re loyal, and that you share a stable, safe and grounded connection is enough for you to be able to find passion, joy and excitement in the littlest of moments. You don’t get tempted or attracted to others. Also, you watch your character because of who you are as a person and who you want to be rather than to impress anyone. You may be someone who tries to avoid wandering eyes even when you’re single and just really try to watch your character in every way that you can because you are, and want to be a certain way. You’re a really well rounded person - you seek peaceful resolution and if you don’t find that, you seek peace even if it is by yourself, you don’t mind compromising, and have in fact, sacrificed majorly in the past. You know how to make amends with situations by now and you also have a side within you that’s like “I am me, you are you. If you do me dirty, fuck you” but your ethical peace seeking side overrides this. You’re loyal and try to maintain a strong character for yourself rather than for impressions, and are passionate as well. Also, you’re very romantic and care deeply, and genuinely about your partner. You want teeth rottingly sweet romance i.e. the shoulder kisses, climbing up the fences to get into some forbidden property, candlelight dinner, watching fireworks together and you going “so pretty” while looking at the different designs in the sky while they look at you and repeat your words, basically the whole nine yards. You’re also highly capable of it. You’re willing to do anything and everything for your partner as long as it doesn’t go against your morals.

I wonder if many of you are elder daughters or something because there’s so much about sacrifice, maturity and provision. I don’t mean to be a misandrist but I don’t think that I’ve ever met a man this well rounded and with such a strong character. You could have always sacrificed and done so much for your family, provided so much to them, and just been so mature and responsible from such a young age that that’s just who you are now. I wouldn’t be surprised if you already are or will provide financially for your family in the future. “I knew you, leaving like a father, running like water.” It doesn’t mean that your father or any parent left you (though it could be) but that you didn’t feel safe and stable with them so you have become a stable, and reliable individual to feel safe within yourself and to find a partner who provides the same qualities to you. Looking at your wounds, you feel like people let you go too easily. They often chose other people too. Oh my god, I just started hearing ‘the other woman’ by Lana Del Rey. It seems to have been a pattern for you. You were in contact with them in a very consistent manner so it could have been a friend who was using you as a placeholder for a romantic relationship until they found someone to commit to 💀. You are very diligent and have basic human decency so when someone is in your life, even if it is not a situation with commitment involved, you do whatever you can for them and are very present so when you were not fully claimed but not fully let go of, and had them let you go after finding a romantic relationship, you felt really manipulated. By this point, you don’t really question your worth anymore but back then, you wondered if you were unworthy of being chosen and committed to. For those of you who do not resonate with this, when it was time for people to make choices, their loyalties seemed to lie elsewhere. Even the closest connections that you had didn’t live up to their potential and in fact, you felt deceived.

“How long could we be a sad song till we were too far gone to bring back to life I gave you all my best me’s, my endless empathy and all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier. Fighting in only your army, front lines don’t you ignore me, I’m the best thing in this party (you’re losing me) and I wouldn’t marry me either, a pathological people pleaser who only wanted you to see her, and I’m fading thinking ‘do something babe, say something. Lose something babe, risk something. Choose something babe, I’ve got nothing to believe unless you’re choosing me.’” “I can’t find a pulse, my heart won’t start anymore for you cause you’re losing me.” “My heart won’t start anymore, my heart won’t start anymore.” You feel as though you’ve never been able to develop and share deep intimacy, and love with someone that is pure and whole, and where you choose each other again and again. I just heard “she has other friends that she likes better”, you’ve just felt as though everyone chose and enjoyed other peoples company more, and that you were let go of so easily as though you were worthless. “If you feel too abandoned by others, it’s because you’ve abandoned yourself” ofcourse, it’s okay to feel bad about being abandoned and used. ‘Enough for you’ by Olivia Rodrigo is coming through. “Stupid, emotional, obsessive little me. I knew from the start this is exactly how you’d leave. You found someone more exciting, the next second you were gone and you left me there crying, wondering what I did wrong and you always say I’m never satisfied but I don’t think that’s true cause all I ever wanted was to be enough. Don’t you think I loved you too much to be used and discarded? Don’t you think I loved you too much to think I deserve nothing? So don’t tell me you’re sorry boy, feel sorry for yourself cause someday I’ll be everything to somebody else and they’ll think that I’m so exciting, and you’ll be the one who’s crying. You always say I’m never satisfied but I don’t think that’s true, you say I’m never satisfied but that’s not me, it’s you cause all I ever wanted was to be enough and I don’t think anything could ever be enough for you. No, nothing’s enough for you.”

You felt as though you abandoned yourself and didn’t have any boundaries or standards just because you wanted to be chosen, and loved back then and you’ve forgiven yourself for that, and grown into your power immensely by strengthening your character and I’m so incredibly proud of you but the shame, guilt, regret, and pain that you experienced back then was on another level. You felt as though you failed to maintain loyalty to yourself and choose yourself. There was this sense of having lost yourself due to a desire to be chosen mixed with a feeling of inferiority. You felt inferior and powerless in the connection or well, connections but even after they ended, you felt inferior and powerless, in fact, now that you could see things more clearly, you felt more inferior, powerless and ashamed of yourself. You lacked direction back then and were misdirecting your energy into trying to receive love, and be chosen by acting inferior and slowly started believing it yourself because others treated you like such when you could have been improving yourself, your skills and your life instead. You felt like you betrayed yourself. The song ‘I’ll never fall in love again’ by Dionne Warwick is coming through. “What do you get when you fall in love? A guy with a pin to burst your bubble. That’s what you get for all your trouble. I’ll never fall in love again. I’ll never fall in love again. What do you get when you kiss a guy? You get enough germs to catch pneumonia, after you do, he’ll never phone ya. I’ll never fall in love again. Don’t you know that I’ll never fall in love again? Don’t tell me what it’s all about cause I’ve been there and I’m glad I’m out. Out of those chains, those chains that bind you. That is why I’m here to remind you. What do you get when you fall in love? You only get lies and pain and sorrow.”

You’re a deeply romantic person but due to how genuine you are, how much you offer and all the deception that you’ve faced. You are more focused on your daily routines, money, career, work and study. You might also have a wound regarding skills. You want to develop skills and you know you have it in you but you just haven’t been able to, you just aren’t being able to, you’re being told to keep going consistently. You’re probably rolling your eyes externally or internally at what I just wrote because it’s not like you haven’t tried to develop these skills consistently because you have but that no matter how much you have tried, you just haven’t been able to but you’re still being encouraged to keep going. Having experienced all that you’ve experienced, you’ve become very self and character focused. You care a lot about other people’s character as well as your own. You have high standards now and until you meet someone who matches them close to perfectly, you are not interested in any sort of romance. You really do want to find this person though because you have so much love to give and genuinely want to experience the soft mushy gushy romantic, and passionate kind of romance. You want to experience a soft romcom movie and ‘fifty shades of grey’ kind of romance at the same time with just one person for the rest of your life but it is very important for you to be able to respect, admire and rely on that person. Passion is very important to you in romance and life in general. Due to how you’ve had to take on really responsible roles throughout your life and always hold this sense of responsibility, and duty within you, and how sacrificing and resolution seeking you can be despite a very hot, and strong fire within you. You need a partner who’s more of a man than you are. Someone who is a good leader, passionate, charismatic, go getter, action oriented, loyal, grounded, ethical, responsible, reliable and romantic. Someone who lets you be bratty and express anger, and also doesn’t take advantage of your problem solving, peaceful and resolution seeking nature.

You tend to be fairly submissive on the outside despite the inner strength you possess so you need someone who is happy with themself and doesn’t feel the need to dominate, and belittle you in order to feel better about themself. I’m not going to lie, due to how passionate you are, you have a very competitive and resentful side to you but also you’re very peaceful, and forgiving. You truly are such a well rounded person. You might attract a lot of hostility and aggression due to this. People can pick up on your inner drive but you seem to harmless on the surface that they try to crush your spirit because they just feel a sense of competitiveness, hostility and aggression towards you without any real reason and you have a strong character on the inside so you don’t break externally but instead usually maintain peace so they don’t understand why and how you’re so unaffected 💀😭. You want a partner who can handle your angry and difficult sides, the ones that are deeply passionate. You cannot settle for just anyone because now that you’ve grown as a person, you’ve grown into your character and strength, you get really bad vibes from most people, and notice their faults and flaws quite easily. ‘CO2’ by Prateek Kuhad is the song that I’m getting here. “Maybe it’s the way that you can see what I’m missing what I can never be.” “Maybe it’s the man that you see in me.” Most people won’t be able to live up to your standards due to how high they are but they’re just normal to you because you can live up to them so you don’t need to lower them. You need to look at things differently now, you’re not unworthy, things are better now, life is brighter now. You are likely to intimidate people once they start seeing your character more clearly. The closer that they’ll get to you, the more that they might feel inferior or like they don’t live up to what you need them to be. You can be critical to some extent because of how high your standards are even for yourself but it’s coming as a strength of yours. Only accept those who are actively trying and being able to live up to what your standards are. If someone gives up or doesn’t try, trust me, you’re better off. Those who think that they’re not enough, they know themselves more than you know them because they experience consciousness from within themself, because they can hear their own thoughts and know about their own actions, and tendencies so believe them when they talk or act like they’re not enough. Right now, I’m getting that while you’re capable of romance, you’re focused on consistently bettering yourself, improving your lifestyle, your career, money, routines, work and studies. You are on the right path. It’s okay to want romance but don’t ever lower your standards by even just an inch or a millimetre because you can live up to your own and you deserve an equal. Thank you so much for reading. I hope that the reading resonated and that it provided you with the answers, and guidance that you wanted and needed. Much love and take care 💋.

⊹ ! ೀ Pile 3 ꒱

(TW: Mentions of abuse, sexual assault, etc.)

Some of you have daddy issues or some kind of issue caused by aggressive people but there’s a strong theme of boys and men here. There are so many scenarios coming through, you’re obviously not going to relate to all of them. For some of you, you’ve just dealt with aggression, threatening your sense of belonging while some of you have dealt with abandonment from either or both parents or just an absence of them, there are even mentions of abuse here for some of you if your parents were present. An angry father or parental figure? If not, you have had terrible experiences with the male gender. It could be something as simple as having boys make fun of you in middle school. These incidents have wounded you really deeply. I’m having a really hard time putting all the scenarios down. There’s definitely some sort of a deep wound when it comes to belonging - be it family, home, community, school or work. Also little incidents grew into real big ones that I’m hearing traumatised you. For example, you got with some guy, that changed the entire trajectory of your life. The thing is, you received a lot of intolerance from everyone for a major part of your life. It escalated close to abuse, violence and bullying at some point, and for many of you, it could have had something to do with a guy. Don’t get me wrong, it would have been a part of your life either way. People just have been so aggressive, unruly and intolerant towards you for no reason, you didn’t deserve that but I will explain how it could have had something to do with a guy for many of you. For example, you got into a relationship with some guy, you could have been heavily criticised by other people who also liked and wanted him considered you to be ‘not good enough’ for him just for this guy to break up with you in a disrespectful manner with no regard for you whatsoever, and after that, I’m getting that either the aggression and bullying from other people intensified or the effects of the previous unruly treatment started affecting you intensely.

Many of you have dealt with an abusive situation even if it’s just emotionally though it could have been physically for some of you (by parents, romantic partners, etc.) Do not invalidate your experiences ever because even if others might think that it was not abuse, it definitely was. It affected you so deeply, I’m not even being able to express it properly. I’m just crying right now. If you didn’t deal with any of the above situations. Though, I believe that many of you have dealt with all or at least majority of what I’m mentioning. Then, you dealt with guy friends who were using you for an ego boost and acted as though you wanted them so bad if you simply tried to keep the friendship going or tried to fix things instead of ending them. Guys have made you feel really preyed on. People in general have but guys especially. Some of you could have even dealt with men trying to assault you sexually. It could have been something as simple as someone forcefully kissing you as a child or making you watch porn. Something like this could have happened when you were a teen or an adult too but I just got that since kids are the most vulnerable, it likely happened to many of you as kids. Oh my god, no way. I just heard “he doesn’t like cougars, he likes little kids. He stopped liking me when I turned eighteen.” I feel like your life has always been this way. Having people walk all over you and treat you like shit but it got especially worst in your teen years. I’m not sure what happened at fourteen and seventeen specifically but seventeen was your last straw, and your experiences all the way from when you were fourteen contributed to finally realising the truth. In fact, your experiences before that contributed too but I’m picking up that mistreatment and aggression were/felt the most extremely during your teenage years. Any childhood abuse or mistreatment, or instability, you realised the truth of all of that through what you experienced during your teenage years. People genuinely just lacked compassion towards you and you had to deal with a lot of loneliness.

It is like anytime that you were not keeping to yourself and connecting with others, they were abusing, using and mistreating you. People used to treat you aggressively, make fun of you and mistreat you for their own sick sense of enjoyment, in order to boost their ego, and have fun. I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve all that. Even when you were with people, you were very lonely and felt insecure, and lacking due to the way they used to treat you and once you finally got away, you felt incredibly insecure, unstable, and lacking but you chose that over mistreatment from others and that’s how you grew. “Don’t be afraid to stand alone. Don’t be afraid to stand outside your comfort zone. I know it’s hard away from home and it ain’t easy all alone.” You had a strong thirst for knowledge from since you were a kid but during this time of loneliness, it transformed into a need. You were seeking truth and clarity because you genuinely needed it to move forward but you have always possessed some sort of a divine knowledge. Which is why you were able to be so compassionate, still and passive at the face of such mistreatment, aggressiveness and lack of compassion. Divinity exists within all of us and you were aware of that. So you naturally acted like the bigger person until you couldn’t anymore but this breakdown caused you to get closer to your own truth. You started realising that while it’s good to learn through external sources, true knowledge and wisdom is something that we are just born with, and that anything else that comes through, it should come from within. For example, we are not born racists, as kids, all we want is to receive and give love, and we are active, and full of life, that’s the only knowledge that truly matters - the ability to be yourself in your highest, most divine and purest form. You also realised just how shitty the treatment that you received in the past was and how lonely, and insecure you were.

You may have felt at home with these people or shared a community with them but even so, you decided to act with integrity and do right by you even if it required loneliness or/and isolation. For some of you, after all of this had passed, you met someone who you felt really at home with but for some reason, you still had to logically act out of fairness and had to reward them with the consequences of their actions rather than with negotiation. The trajectory of your growth has been amazing. One of your strengths is your sense of hope and faith. You felt like you’d never get anything good in life and that your life was doomed, and that you’d be lonely and empty forever but you still kept going, and you managed to get better so now you have hope and faith regarding life. Back then, you just wanted to feel better, get better and now, you have so now you have a sense of direction, you’re focused on nourishing yourself. You are connected to your core essence and are comfortable with your vulnerability, and sense of nakedness i.e. your authenticity. You’re nourishing and loving yourself wholeheartedly in any, and every way possible though. Yes, there’s always room for improvement. Like, for example, you may do your skincare, workout and do your work diligently but you may not eat all three meals so you could work on that, etc. But definitely, you try to make sure to eat even if you’re busy because your nourishment means a lot to you. You might be unable to have all three meals but you try. You’re very intense in terms of romance and also really romantic. but you don’t try to put in time, energy, and effort into romance anymore unless the other person comes to you first and is consistently present, and shows promise of a solid future but you’re very content being alone. You in fact, really enjoy it. You are on a journey of self discovery and improvement, and understand yourself and love very deeply due to how much time you’ve spent alone, by yourself, in contemplation, and soul searching.

You’ve drawn out a lot of wisdom from within yourself. You’re spiritually enlightened and don’t mind being alone or different. Even if it is difficult, even if you’re considered to be difficult, you want to be yourself. “Share my life, take me for what I am cause I’ll never change all my colours for you. Take my love, I’ll never ask for too much, just all that you are and everything that you do.” You’re aware by now that it is nothing except self betrayal to try to earn love by changing yourself because even if you manage to receive love, they won’t be living ‘you’ and if you don’t win them over, you’d have lost yourself in the process, and would feel terrible about yourself so you’d rather be alone but yourself. That one bible story is coming through here. “Jacob agreed to work for seven years to marry Rachel, the woman he loved but was deceived by her father Laban and ended up marrying her older sister, Leah. Though he fulfilled his time and eventually married Rachel too, Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah. Seeing that Leah was unloved, god allowed her to bear children while Rachel remained barren. With each son she bore, Leah hoped that Jacob would finally love her - naming her first Reuben, saying, “now my husband will love me”, her second Simeon because “the lord has heard that I am hated”, and her third Levi, thinking, “now my husband will become attached to me.” However, Jacob’s heart did not change. When she bore her fourth son, Judah, Leah no longer pleaded for her husband’s affection but simply said, “this time I will praise the lord.” You seem to be aware of the fact that love that is not freely given can never be earned so you don’t even try. If you found the kind of love that you desire, if you found someone who loved and cherished you, you would be intensely passionate and romantic, honestly to an extreme but that’s because, that’s just who you are. You’d indulge in it very deeply. You’d experience the feeling of being ‘drunk in love’.

“With you, there’s silence in a crowd. There’s a little unconsciousness, with you, because of you.” You’d make an intense lover who loves incredibly deeply but you’re not interested in trying to earn anyone’s love in order to channel your romantic energy. You might in fact, have these sides of you pretty hidden. All of you have different kinds of personality but all of you have a very meek one. Some of you are more of the silent kind, some of you may be talkative when with others and might seem really social, and some of you might manage to do both but if you do have a talkative and social side, there’s this thing about you in which once you are out of that social situation, you struggle to stay in touch with others, isolate yourself and randomly disappear. Also, the more time that you spend in a social situation and with certain people, the more silent and internal that you tend to get. I’m loving all the messages that are coming through for your strengths. We don’t see through our eyes, we see through our minds. Our eyes are just a medium for us to perceive the external world and interact with it. There’s so much in the world about ‘finding god’ or ‘figuring out the meaning of life’, people just want to know where and how it all started, and where and how we will all end up after death so they seek god but do they really manage to find divinity? Most people don’t because god made it so simple yet so tricky to find them by choosing to reside where they’re currently residing i.e. within each person. Most people aren’t able to comprehend that divinity can reside within them because they think that figuring out the mysteries of life and receiving answers is much more complicated than that, and that’s okay but they’d easily find divinity, god, whatever they want to call it if they only turned their vision inside and looked within themselves. Most of you are aware of this truth so you try to keep yourself as clean, good and pure spirited as possible because divinity should not reside in a dirty place. It does not have to be conscious awareness or conscious trying but you’re just incredibly internal and have learned so much from going within yourself that you’ve found your guide there, your divinity itself and you’re well aligned with your life purpose. If you’re not quite there yet, you soon will be. Thank you so much for reading. I hope that the reading resonated and that it provided you with the answers, and guidance that you wanted and needed. Much love and take care 💋.

#pac reading #tarot pac #tarot pick a card #pick a card reading #pac #pick a card #pick a deck #intuitive readings #pick a photo

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falesten-iw · 8 months ago

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It's surreal to witness how easily some people can ignore the urgent situation in Gaza. They’re watching it unfold live: children and families in Gaza bombed, erased from their homes, but they still act like nothing’s happening. History will look back on this time, and it won't be forgiving. It won’t only remember those who supported the bombings; it will also remember those who sat back, shrugged, and scrolled past without a second thought. It will remember that we, as Palestinians, reached out for help but were met with indifference, silence, and passive inaction. There’s no difference between the Zionists and those who ignor our messages from Gaza. There’s no difference between the Zionists and those who witness our pain without acting. You are witnessing ethnic cleansing, and your reaction is ...... nothing. Blank faces, silence, a refusal to acknowledge the truth unfolding right in front of you. Are you really unable to spare $10, $15 or 20$ to save lives in Gaza? Are you too lazy to respond with even a word of support? Are we asking too much of your time?? Is 5 minutes of your time worth more than our lives in Gaza?? What are you going to tell your children, partner or loved ones when they ask what you did while all this was happening?? “Oh, I ignored their messages.” How will you justify staying silent when they flip through the history books in the future? A simple question for sharks: How do you think your followers will react when they realize you might turn a blind eye in their moments of need? What kind of influencer or artist chooses to ignore the pain of others? It’s been a year. More than 42,000 Palestinian civilians have been killed, and over 100,000 injured. Isn’t that enough? Or is the number still too small for you to care? Should we talk about the 10,000 missing or the countless unjustly imprisoned? Maybe you need to see every building in Gaza reduced to rubble before it finally “counts” for you. Do you feel a flicker of empathy? Of humanity? Or are you still waiting for the “right” moment to speak up and take action? History won’t just remember the silence. It will remember even you who ignored this post when your help and action were needed. My family in Gaza urgently needs your help, so please help us and donate now!

Vetted and shared by @90-ghost: Link.

Verified and shared by @el-shab-hussein: Link

Listed as number 282 in "The Vetted Gaza Evacuation Fundraiser Spreadsheet" compiled by @el-shab-hussein and @nabulsi : Link

Listed on the Butterfly Effect Project, number 957: Link

Additionally, Al Jazeera News has documented apart of my family's case: Link If, for some reason, you couldn't donate via GoFundMe, you can donate via PayPal instead.

Note: There’s even a raffle for a handmade Palestinian thob if you want to participate : Link

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ratatattouille · 2 months ago

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i don’t want to hear anyone whining about harry potter on the “my blorbos from good omens are more important than the survivors of neil gaiman’s horrific abuse” site. i genuinely don’t care about your hypocritical virtue-signaling you are all reactionary posers without any moral spine pantomiming political literacy and basic human empathy. you whine about nuance and treat the real world like it’s hollywood blockbuster-world with your villains and superheroes and gotchas. you are extremist nutjobs who genuinely think men are a marginalized group and jews are bloodthirsty sociopaths infiltrating government and gay people are bigoted for being attracted to members of their own sex. you bully women and girls and victims of male violence bc they aren’t perfect fucking activists and treat misogyny like a niche sub-culture. you are uncritical of any doctrine passed over to you by white “queer” liberals. because you don’t actually listen to the marginalized—you just like speaking for them. because you’re fucking narcissists. you’re racist as fuck. you LITERALLY find nazis forgivable while calling for the death and rape of TERFs. y’all are progressive conspiracy theorists coming up with the wildest most bad faith takes until you hallucinate pseudo-histories where trans women somehow started the stonewall riots and the nazis hunted trans people first. fucking babies.

#Harry Potter #jk rowling #joanne rowling #Neil gaiman #so funny how JKR wrote her characters very nuanced to show how everyone has both light and dark in them #and these guys can’t approach politics with even a quarter of that nuance #radblr

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theladybrownstarot · 6 days ago

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𝜗𝜚 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 "𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞" ?

"𝐼 𝒹𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑜𝓃 𝒸𝓊𝓏 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝒾𝓉 "

|𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ִֶָ |𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐝-𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ִֶָ |𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐞 ִֶָ |

HOW TO PICK A PILE ? Take a deep breathe , close your eyes after your open them up choose the pile where your sight goes first in calming inner silence . If you are called up by more than one pile you please feel free to choose them. This Pick-A-Card is timeless therefore feel free !

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

𝜗𝜚 𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏.

𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏 ! 𝐋𝐞𝐭'𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠:

❦ The people think that you are the only one because you come at the most vulnerable time people are going through which makes some feel that you are God's most precious person sent for them. It's the way you are so curious and understanding towards people's life and problems which make them feel that they're important to you somehow and you're important for them similarly. It's your empathy and compassion which makes their heart speak and reach for you to embrace you in their arms. You are someone's dream girl or boy because of your looks and brain - Beauty with a brain . I may believe that you are not someone who is patient that is because you cannot bear yourself standing at a point where your growth is hindered and your opportunities are missing instead you will just directly cast your own way which will make people more inspired from you and connected - wanting to connect with you . Your core lessons of forgiveness and acceptance makes people find a new way to their life for which they are grateful to you and love you for but it is not just because of this but because when they are upgraded to an another level of energy they start to resonate or vibrate like you which make the feel to actually want you. You bring colors and peace to someone's life they always wanted to have, you calm the storms of people's life they have been facing for long, you could be the only person who must have helped when no one did for them. People actually feel that they can be themselves with you without any self-Imposed limitation and even if they have you are the first one to actually give a gentle nudge on the shoulder saying , " hey its ok completely to feel like that but don't hold yourself and hide your true self " , "come on chill because just like you don't think a lot about people similarly they don't think about you a lot so be comfortable with yourself" . I wouldn't be surprised if people admitted that they manifested you in their life. In a simple way to tell the reason you are someone who gives healing to others and your wisdom makes them feel more self aware and motivated.

❦ Prominent astrological signs : Scorpio , water signs in moon or rising , Saturn in 9th house /cancer / taurus , Saturn and jupiter conjunction , aquarius sun and revati.

Paid-Readings / Donation-based readings : You can get your personalised readings from me too , I'll be happy to guide and interact with you through readingsss 🫶🏻✨️🪷🦋🍀

𝜗𝜚 𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐.

𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐 ! 𝐋𝐞𝐭'𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠:

❦ when people are with you they feel that they have done a very good deed by being born on this earth because you show the gratitude or you should how grateful you are for their presence. You are someone perceived to be cool by other people making them feel more attracted towards you but not only this like what makes you cool is not your sarcasm but the way you live so simply without any need of complexity. Your happy go around person will make people feel that there are at least humans on this earth who are not actually always crying but can see the beauty even in the harsh Times like them - simply doesn't drain people's energy because we know that the more we stay around the low negative energy people the more we are thrown to attract those energy to us. You are not selfish but a well wisher for someone which makes people believe that you are genuine and safe to be around if they want to share their secrets. I really feel that the people who choose this pile are high achievers in any sense possible. To be honest , people feel more attracted to you because you open a gate where they can attract more opportunities or there is a new way of energy being opened for them to come into their life after you meet them -you leave behind something beautiful after you're away . People really trust you a lot because you are not like the majority of people who will take someone's trust and later throw it away - you make yourself feel like a reliable partner . If you were attracted to find pile number one then you should read pile number one from the 7th line. You people teach other people to love themselves through calmness and bring external balance in people's busy lives. Your presence alone can make them come into the present and deal with their unconscious side which they were quite hesitant to deal with it alone. You help people understand how to balance their desired living and their happiness by being themselves without any guilt. Your confidence really makes you shine among people also the way you do not compromise with your standards makes people really chase you. This is very loving but yes people find their home with you and themselves too.

❦ Prominent astrological signs : jupiter , saggitairus , Saturn / in libra , jupiter in Pisces, moon in aquarius and sun in scorpio .

Paid-Readings / Donation-based readings : You can get your personalised readings from me too , I'll be happy to guide and interact with you through readingsss 🫶🏻✨️🪷🦋🍀

𝜗𝜚 𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑.

𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑 ! 𝐋𝐞𝐭'𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠:

❦ For some of the people you make up a best family person because you are soft and gentle but too that the people's family know about you and think that you are better for their son or daughter. You keep people happy around and I perceive with most of you have actually sorted out many family problems of other people and in fact of your own too which makes you quite an experienced person to get married with but please be aware that people don't actually push everything on you basically on your shoulders. People feel complete with you. I am getting a strong message that people don't say that you are directly there the one by meeting you without any third party involved but when they meet you by hearing about you or they meet you through someone in part most of a relationship has been brought up by other people only. You're quite a traditional person for sure , like someone who would incorporate traditionality in their life basically in daily life for example worshipping gods, respecting the traditional rituals and etc. I don't want to make you feel that just because you are a traditional person you make yourself directly as a marriage partner but in today's world we can really see that people feel like those who are traditional makeup good marriage partners for their children yk what I'm talking about but really I don't want you to feel like that because being traditional is not being spiritual , it's something that automatically comes under it . I want you to take it as a compliment only rest aside you being spiritual is very beautiful for growth. I really feel that this pile is very very grounded and simple as water. You really make people feel attracted towards you because the way you balance out the things in your own life but the people or be professional you some house show the lessons indirectly to people that they should in corporate in their life finding you as an inspiration or a role model too. People wanna be there with you in your life and connect with your soul . You are really good at balancing your emotion and practicality which is very sensual and desirable for others, the way you carry yourself with the will power makes people feel that what kind of magic are you ? They really want to have babies with you , they really want to be protected and loved by you in your embrace.

❦ Prominent astrological signs : jupiter in Capricorn, mars in Pisces, Venus, taurus & jupiter in 11th house.

Paid-Readings / Donation-based readings : You can get your personalised readings from me too , I'll be happy to guide and interact with you through readingsss 🫶🏻✨️🪷🦋🍀

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

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httpswritings · 4 months ago

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When I Was Your Woman

alexia putellas x reader — angst with happy ending, nsfw content and mentions of cheating and physical and mental health and conditions.

When you walked away from Alexia, you made a vow to yourself—one you swore you’d never break: you would never forgive her.

“It was just a kiss,” she’d said, her voice trembling.

But to you, it was never just a kiss. It was the first crack in the foundation of trust, the prelude to betrayal.

She begged. Fell to her knees, hands clutching at your sleeves, desperate. Her pleas hung thick in the air, dissolving into the silence between you.

It had happened that night, during the celebration of yet another team victory. The atmosphere was electric, the kind of night where possibilities felt infinite—until they shattered.

In a single, fleeting moment, she was locked in a sloppy, too-deep kiss with a blonde stranger. It ended almost as soon as it began, but the damage carved itself into your bones.

Alexia pulled away, face flushed, the room spinning as if the world itself were recoiling from her.

The blonde woman stepped closer, reaching for her again, but Alexia shoved her back.

Without a word, she tossed cash onto the bar and stormed into the night.

When she got into her car, she punched the steering wheel in frustration.

The memory of you both lying on the couch on a Sunday morning, talking about various topics, came rushing back. You had told her you'd never forgive infidelity, and she had promised she would never do that to you. The weight of that memory suffocated her.

She wanted to crash her car, to feel physical pain—anything to distract from the emotional agony of what she had done to you.

It took her a while to get home.

Alexia couldn't forget what you told her:

"I hope you enjoyed the kiss, because that was the moment you lost me."

And you were right. The price of kissing that blonde stranger was losing the love of her life.

You were determined to leave Barcelona, and thankfully, for your sanity, Alba, Alexia's sister, let you stay for the night.

The next morning, you woke up early and went to buy some presents for Alexia’s family, especially for her sister, mother, and grandmother.

You knew it was inevitable that you would lose contact with her family, and that hurt you as much as Alexia’s betrayal.

Still, you made a promise to yourself to call Alexia’s grandmother every week, and you were a woman of trust.

Eli didn’t say much, and neither did you.

“I’m sorry, Eli. I know Alexia is your daughter, and so is your sister, Alba. I don’t want to speak badly about her in front of you, so I'd rather not give you any explanations.”

They understood.

You saw Alexia’s family a couple of times after that, with the exception of her grandmother, whom you visited often.

The poor lady understood that you didn’t want to see Alexia, so she always let you know when it was safe to visit.

Two years later, you found yourself standing in front of Alexia’s apartment door.

You didn’t know what to expect, so you kept your hopes in check.

When you saw on your phone that Alexia had torn her ACL, you felt a deep empathy for her.

You didn’t know much about that type of injury, but after reading about it and understanding how difficult the recovery process would be, you decided to visit her.

When you rang the bell, Alexia was on the couch. Alone. She had asked Eli and Alba to leave for an hour or so because she needed some time alone, as silence filled the house.

She had been deeply upset by your departure, and the injury only deepened her depression.

Even after two years, her heart still waited for you.

It was a challenge for her to get up from the sofa because she was still awaiting surgery. Her leg was immobilized, making movement nearly impossible.

Just as you were about to leave, thinking she might not live there anymore, she opened the door.

The initial shock of seeing you made her drop her crutches.

She called your name carefully, her tone questioning, as if she thought you might disappear. You nodded.

Suddenly, her face turned red, and she covered it with her hands, letting out a deep, heart-wrenching cry.

You ran to her and embraced her fully, soothing her.

The way she held onto you sent a shiver down your spine.

“Don’t leave, please… Don’t. Don’t.”

Her grip was almost painful, but you knew she didn’t mean to hurt you.

“I’m not leaving, but let’s go inside so you can sit down.”

You helped Alexia by handing her the crutches and guiding her to the sofa.

She kept looking at you intensely, afraid to glance away.

“I came because I saw the news, and I was worried,” you explained.

Alexia was visibly moved and could barely speak, so you continued.

“Especially because of what I told you when it happened.”

«I hope football betrays you as badly as you betrayed me.»

“I’m not happy about what happened to you. Even if I said that, even if I meant it at the time, I truly hope you recover as soon as possible.”

Inside Alexia, something healed, but she still felt like a monster for what she did to you. When she tore her ACL, the first image that came to her mind was you shouting that sentence to her face.

«I hope football betrays you as badly as you betrayed me» and football did, but not as badly as she betrayed your loyalty, your dignity, your love.

When Alexia cheated on you, you were peacefully sleeping on your bed, in one of her shirts. “It helps me sleep when you're out, and not by my side,” you told her. “I’ll be back sooner than you expect, just in time to cuddle you,” she told you. When Alexia came home after that kiss, she didn't cuddle you, she couldn't. Alexia felt absolutely disgusted with herself, and touching you, your kind and lovely self, felt like a profanity. That's why, when she saw you asleep, she spent almost the whole night looking at you, knowing that would be the last night seeing you.

“Ale, say something please.”

“I'm sorry.”

And those two words were also healing for you. When Alexia confessed her unloyalty, you didn't believe she was sorry.

«I’d never forgive you, Alexia. Never. I hope this haunts you for the rest of your life, so when you kiss any other woman, it reminds you of what you broke.»

That curse never happened because Alexia never kissed another woman after you left.

You were a mixture of contradictions. You still felt some hurt, even if you had already forgiven her, but seeing her so depressed, so visibly sorry… It was easier when you hated her, but now that your love for her made an appearance after being buried for two years, it was agonizing to not hold her and protect her.

Putting any thought aside, you carefully and minding her injury, hugged her as she was sat down, and she hid her face on your neck.

You heard her cries amplifying as the time passed by but you didn't stop her.

Crying for Alexia was a huge deal, so you knew this was necessary. She needed this release.

You tried to separate from her body to tell her «It's okay, let it out», but she held you tightly.

“No. Don't leave. Please.”

“I won't.”

You caressed her hair, her arms, her shoulders, anywhere to make her feel better.

“I won't leave, Ale, but we need to talk.”

Alexia didn't know if she was going to be able to bear this conversation, but she knew it was the minimum she had to do for you, especially after the way you were treating her.

She didn't say anything, so you decided to go on.

“I hated you for what you did, but right now, I've forgiven you. I still need time, because it’ll be very difficult for me to regain trust in you, but, if you let me, I’d love to be by your side, especially during this tough time. I've missed you every day and while coming here wasn't an easy thing to do, I felt the need to see those beautiful eyes again in front of me.”

Alexia, in between her cries, laughed clumsily. She knew that whenever you wanted to soften her, especially when she was sad, you’d talk about her eyes, her beautiful hazel eyes.

“So, despite everything, I'm here, and I'd love to have a conversation about what happened, if you're ready. I know it's not your best time, so whenever you feel ready, I’ll be ready.”

Despite Alexia's bad communication abilities, she knew she had to make the effort to match your maturity.

She thought she had lost you forever, but here you were, holding her.

Alexia suddenly felt remorse, and tried to back off.

You stiffened, not knowing why she reacted that way.

“No. You deserve better. No. No. No. You deserve better than me. I betrayed you.”

And she did, but you already knew that, and you already forgave her.

“Alexia, I already forgave you. It took me a while, but I did. I told you I need time because I need to regain trust, and if you want me to be part of your life, you’ll have to work for it, but that's another topic. There won't be a third chance, but I trust you enough to give you a second chance.”

“No. I don't want you to go through this again.”

That stirred something inside you. How could she be doubting herself already right after you were here giving her a second chance?

It took you off a little bit, enough for your fears to creep you, but deep inside, something told you that there was more behind Alexia's fear.

It wasn't that she didn't trust herself, she was deeply scared of hurting you so bad, you would not recover from it, because «there won't be a third chance».

“Ale, baby, listen…”

Baby.

That's how you used to call her, and you noticed the tears coming back to her eyes.

“Baby… you called me baby.”

It honestly worried you how upset she was with the situation.

You had never seen Alexia so out of control with herself, she was just not there.

“Yeah, I called you baby, because you know how much I loved to call you that. And I still want to call you my baby, my love, my girl. But you need to forgive yourself, Ale. It won't be until then that you’ll start to trust in yourself and then, you’ll make me trust you.”

“I can't. I won't. I don't want to. I fucked up everything. It's not only about us. Alba didn't talk to me in months. In months. And I don't blame her. I have never seen her so disappointed, and it was because of me. I can't fuck up everything again.”

“Tell me how it happened. Tell me about the night you cheated on me.”

Alexia looked at you perplexed. She didn't know why you wanted to hear that.

“I need it. I need to know why you did it and why you told me about it the following morning.”

It took Alexia a while to talk, and it wasn't until you started crying that she stopped.

“See? I want you to have a girlfriend worthy of your love. As much as I’ll always love you, as much as I’ll always wait for you, as much as these lips have the kiss of that woman as their last kiss as a reminder to haunt me every day of losing the woman of my life, I want you to do better, and that isn't with me.”

A part of you knew she could be right, but you wanted her, and for once, you didn't care about betrayal. You would worry about that tomorrow, or the day after, but right now, the only thing you wanted was to press your lips on hers, to eliminate the kiss of that woman from the club from her lips, and so you kissed her.

It was soft at first, but it had been two years without each other, and suddenly, a fierce passion wanted to make its appearance.

It's true that you didn't want to make things like this. You wanted to have a conversation, take things slow and behave like a mature adult but, for a moment, you forgot about what was right and what was wrong, only caring about the way Alexia was kissing you.

You ended up on top of her, letting her wander around your body.

Her hands touched everywhere around your belly, your waist and your back, caressing them, gripping them, delicately scratching them, and sooner you were desperate for more.

It wasn't until a small scratch on your waist made you moan, that Alexia tried to move her injured leg.

You noticed it and stopped.

“Ale, your leg… Be careful, baby.”

You noticed the resignation in Alexia’s eyes, and decided to do something about it.

“Let me handle it. Relax and don't make sudden movements. I've got you.”

You removed a little bit of her pants, enough to have fully access to her core.

“I've missed this pretty view.”

“There's no way I won't be able to move properly for months. I'm gonna go insane.” Alexia complained.

“Don't worry, my love. I can take care of you in every way,” you kissed her belly, leaving small bites, making her squirm.

“Ale, what did I say? No movements.”

“It's difficult, bebita.”

You had deeply missed that nickname and if it wasn't because you heard two familiar voices approaching outside the apartment, you would've made a mess of Alexia.

“Mierda, I told them to be back in an hour!” Alexia said as she rapidly tried to put her pants up.

She couldn't properly move past her upper thighs because she couldn't do any type of effort with her injured leg.

“Shit, Alexia, why didn't you warn me?!”

“Oh, sorry, I was too busy seeing your face below my belly—”

“Shhhh!”

You threw her a blanket to cover her exposed area.

When the door opened, Alba almost fell.

When she knew she wasn't hallucinating, she practically jumped on your arms, almost making you both fall down.

Eli got nervous too, but in a good way, especially after seeing her daughter's eyes: brilliant with that sparkle she had lost when you left.

“Alba, you're suffocating her!”

Alba kept kissing your face and holding you, like she always did with her friends when they hadn't seen each other in a while.

When you hugged Eli, you noticed how much she had missed you.

Her grip on you was tight, and when you saw her face, her eyes were watery.

You didn't know how you managed to get Eli and Alba to Alexia's bedroom, telling them that something had been bothering Alexia as she slept, but was too considerate to tell them, afraid she was considered a burden.

As you helped Alexia pull her pants up, you looked up, you saw her trying not to laugh.

You were too busy to laugh but it warmed your heart watching her shy smile.

Alba, bless her heart, was too naive but Eli knew something had been up, that's why when they came back to the living room, she shook her head laughing and rolling her eyes, looking at Alexia.

Alexia laughed and her cheeks got a reddish tone in just seconds, and had to improvise when Alba kept asking what was bothering Alexia, and giving her a lecture about how she was not a burden and that her, as the younger sister, would always be there for Alexia.

Alba and Eli spent the rest of the day and they both left at night.

As you were cleaning everything up, Alexia looked at you intensely.

You noticed her eyes on you, and you got closer to her.

“Let's get you to bed.”

“I can go by myself with the crutches, but you can join me— I mean, you can stay, well— if you want. You can stay wherever you want…”

You smiled at her nervousness, and with delicacy, you placed a kiss on her front.

“Relax, Ale. I’d love to stay with you. In bed. Is that okay?”

“Yes!”

Alexia asked you to get comfortable with the piece of clothing you liked the best.

To your surprise, she hadn't changed much of her clothes, so you chose a long silk shirt and some pants.

Changing in front of her made her visibly turned on, and you were enjoying it.

At first, she tried to not to look, but after assuring her it was okay to, she devoured your body.

Alexia remembered it in detail.

You got her pyjamas and helped her get changed.

As her upper body was bare, her nipples quickly responded.

With the fresh memory of how sensitive Alexia was around that area, you put her shirt on, because as bad as you wanted to make love to her, it had been a day full of emotions, and both of you were visibly exhausted.

Alexia had to sleep on her back because of her injury.

She told you that she had been struggling because, as you already knew, she always slept on her left side.

You got closer to her, after she assured you it was fine, and you began to place soft kisses on her face, making her giggle.

“Will you be here tomorrow by the time I wake up?”

Witnessing such a vulnerable Alexia was challenging because you didn't know how to act nor how to say, but you were actually eager to see more of it.

“Of course. But maybe you'll wake up before me.”

“That's okay, I always enjoyed waking up before you, especially to make you breakfast.”

Before laying your head on her chest, you placed a slow but delicate kiss on her lips, making her smile.

Alexia found comfort in playing with your hair as you had already fallen asleep, even though you wanted to stay awake until Alexia fell asleep.

And just how you expected, Alexia woke up before you.

Like last night, she began playing with your hair and her mind wandered to the last morning she spent with you and how different it was from this one.

This morning, she was not anxious because her mind was at peace and if you really wanted to try this again, she was determined to make you the happiest woman in the world.

Alexia knew you had a pending conversation, and that it wouldn't be easy, but when she was not going to let you down again, and just like that, your love story had its new beginning.

#woso imagine #woso x reader #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas imagine

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aphroditelovesu · 3 months ago

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Poison - Aftermath

❝commission: an 'aftermath' type one shot. In part, I'd like to see what happens right after Alexander joins and Y/n in their room. I'd also be curious to see how Roxanna's father would handle the fallout of the attempted poisoning. Idk, I find the idea of an ambitious man like Oxyartes scrambling to cover his ass funny. — requested by 💻 anon.

❝ 📜 — lady l: oh, I confess I enjoyed writing this. If you pay attention, there are slight spoilers for the future of TLQ! I felt bad for Roxanna, I won't lie. I hope you like it and forgive me for any mistakes! :))

❝tw: mild angst, mention of attempted murder, mention of injuries, and implied threat.

❝📜pairing: yandere!alexander the great x female!reader.

❝word count: 1,303.

— poison (part one).

Your tent was quiet. The guards outside were silent, but you knew they were there.

Not that you complained. You knew their presence was to protect you, especially after what happened at the banquet today.

Roxanna had tried to poison you.

In a not-so-subtle way, and worse, in front of Alexander and the others. You knew she felt threatened, not only by you but by the babies you were carrying. Alexander didn't know yet that you were expecting twins, but still... She had threatened your life and the life of his child.

And that wouldn't go unpunished.

You heard Roxanna's screams even in your tent and didn't want to think too much about what was happening. You knew she probably would be and was being whipped, since that was one of Alexander's favorite forms of punishment, but you didn't want to think about what that entailed.

It should have revolted you, made you furious and terrified, but... You didn't. You didn't feel bad about it, not when she threatened not only your life but the lives of your unborn children.

Maybe it was your maternal instincts kicking in, but you couldn't feel the slightest bit of guilt or empathy for Roxanna's situation.

She brought this on herself.

Sighing heavily, you sat down on the cot, knowing that you would have to wait until Alexander returned. He had always slept in your tent since your kidnapping and you hadn't complained. You had come to enjoy his company, even love him in your own way and having him by your side didn't bother you anymore.

After what seemed like hours, Alexander entered the tent, his steps heavy and his breathing irregularly, as if he had run a marathon.

"It's done." He said and sat down next to you, looking at your face as if searching for something. You could tell that he seemed worried that you were mad at him.

But you weren't. If it had been a few months ago, you would have been, but now...

"Good." Was the only thing you said and he seemed surprised.

"Aren't you mad?" Alexander asked slowly, taking your hand in his, squeezing it lightly.

"No." You sighed and squeezed his hand back, "Roxanna shouldn't have tried to poison me. She should have known it wouldn't work."

Alexander frowned, surprised and a little apathetic at your indifference. You had changed and he didn't know what to make of those changes.

Well, at least you weren't mad at him.

"I wanted to kill her." Alexander confessed, pulling you into a loving hug, your head pressed against his chest. "But I know that's not a viable option."

You hummed in agreement.

"You're the King but you know that killing your Queen isn't a good thing to do. Not... Not without a good reason." You mumbled.

"And her trying to murder you, our child, isn't that reason enough?" He pulled you away a little, looking at your face with confusion. "How are you not angry about this? You could have been killed!"

You could feel the panic, the fear of losing you in his words.

"She wouldn't have killed me. I'm not that stupid, Alexander. I know she doesn't like me but I don't think you should kill her." You said, kissing his cheek as a way to calm him down.

Alexander took a deep breath and took your lips in a passionate kiss, pouring all his fear and love into the kiss. And by the gods, he was scared.

You pulled away after a few seconds.

"And she's not my Queen." Alexander corrected you, your faces pressed together. "You're my Queen. My only Queen."

You smiled at his words, feeling your heart skip a beat in your chest. You knew you were falling in love, or maybe you were already in love with Alexander and didn't care. He was good for you, in his own way.

Alexander caressed your face and kissed your forehead, murmuring against it, "I guess you were wrong when you told me to marry her."

You bit your lower lip. "Give her time. She's still young."

"You're young too. We're young, (Y/N)." Alexander grumbled, hugging you again. He was shaking slightly and you couldn't tell if it was from anger or fear. Maybe both. "And even so, I never tried to kill my stepsibilings."

You laughed. "You didn't, maybe, but your mother did."

Alexander smiled for the first time since that situation. "Well... I can’t argue with that." He kissed you again gently.

"And I can take care of myself." You murmured against his lips. "Don’t worry. I won't let her or anyone else hurt me."

Alexander looked deep into your eyes and said, "If she tries to do anything to you again... I will kill her. I don't care if there are repercussions. I will do it slowly and without remorse. And I'll enjoy it.''

His gaze softened and you sighed. Maybe you should have been scared or worried, but all you felt was a rush of affection. Knowing that he was so in love with you, that he loved you so much, that he was willing to go against his own laws, his own morals, made you feel warm inside.

It made you feel loved.

"And I expect nothing less." You whispered and let him kiss you again, laying you down on the cot, his calloused but comforting hands caressing your round belly and your sides.

The lit torches cast a glow in the darkness of the tent that mingled with the moans and the sounds of your bodies moving against each other.

You were safe in his arms and that was all that mattered to Alexander. That was what he kept telling himself as he made love to you again and again.

Oxyartes was furious.

He just didn't know if it was with Alexander or with his own daughter. With her stupidity.

Oxyartes stared at his daughter's scarred back in horror. The marks, the scars that the lashes she received would leave, would mark her forever. Blood dripped from the wounds and Roxanna's grunts of pain made him shudder at the barbarity that had been committed against her.

Alexander did this. It was a punishment, a clear warning that any form of conspiracy, of disrespect against him, against (Y/N) and their unborn child, would not be tolerated.

"It hurts..." Roxanna whimpered as one of the servants carefully dabbed a damp cloth over the wounds.

Oxyartes crossed his arms, his dark eyes shining with uncontained hatred. It wasn't just toward Alexander, but toward his own daughter.

"What were you thinking when you decided to try to poison your husband's first wife so blatantly?" He growled each word, his hatred palpable. "Have I taught you nothing?!"

Roxanna's tears kept falling and he grew increasingly frustrated. Sure, he was upset that his daughter had been hurt, but he was more concerned about what this could mean for him, Bactria, and his people.

They had been spared, yes, but Alexander was a vengeful man and he could punish everyone for Roxanna's reckless actions.

There was no limit to what Alexander could do. Not when it came to (Y/N).

They needed to be careful.

Oxyartes dismissed the servants and helped Roxanna to her feet.

She trembled in her father’s arms and he touched her face, his touch gentle, a contrast to the anger that shone in his eyes.

"I-I'm sorry, father..." She whispered, her voice weak.

"It's okay, my little star," He said, caressing her cheek tenderly. "Everything will be fine."

But the way he was looking at her, his eyes so full of anger and disappointment, Roxanna knew that nothing would be fine. She had made a terrible mistake.

One that could cost her, them, everything. And he would have to discipline her properly.

#yandere history #yandere historical characters #x reader #the lost queen #tlq #yandere x reader #alexander the great x reader #yandere alexander the great #yandere alexander the great x reader #commission #imagine #yandere au #💻 anon

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kithmet · 2 months ago

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see, i really love when buddie fight. i love it because within fighting (and especially because their dynamic relies heavily on the unspoken) there's this element of, "oh, finally they're communicating, even if it's fighting! they're saying these things out loud! progression is being made!" and it's not pretty, but life isn't always pretty. i love the messiness of a satisfying fight, where both are dealing with their own shit and misstepping how they're handling a situation, or throwing words around carelessly, or projecting onto each other. people who love each other as much as they do don't go into an argument that intense without knowing that in the end, things will be okay again. buck even said this in s4: "it's easy to lash out on the person that you know is always going to forgive you." i think subconsciously they know that sure, they might fight, but they will always be okay.

that being said. yeah, i love when they fight, but i do often hate how people talk about it. there's always this strange element of viewers trying to choose sides, which completely misses the point the show is trying to make whenever it depicts raw emotions and how those complicated feelings can intersect in relationships to spark conflict, conflict where nuance does exist. and this happens time and time again on the show and the aftermath—people are always so forgiving towards one of them, and less forgiving towards the other. yes, when times are tough, buck gets self-centred and unable to see past his own hurt, and yes, eddie hates seeing that gets mean about it. we've seen this during the lawsuit! we've seen it before eddie left for texas! and we're seeing it again now after bobby died. this is a consistent character trait for both of them, it's a thread that has remained true in their relationship and will probably continue to remain true because it's somewhere where they don't mesh well. it's juicy! but i don't think one of them is more or less right for feeling the way they do. the point is that they feel what they feel, and they get past it always despite clashing. and ultimately the whole concept of "choosing sides" when two characters clash is rooted in projection or relatability (or protection) of one character, which honestly lacks empathy and understanding of the fight itself, both character's motivations, and their relationship dynamics. the writers don't want you to choose sides. they want you to understand that sometimes situations are complicated and as humans, we butt heads but still love each other no matter what. it's really not a hard concept to grasp. and yet... we as a fandom go in circles about this topic every single time they fight.

#i'm sorry but. whenever people side with one over the other i'm always like. okay. sure. eye roll.#eddie isn't some violent aggressor and he's certainly not a piece of shit for feeling something and communicating that while he's grieving #similarly: buck isn't the worst person on earth for not knowing the best way of how to deal with someone dying either #i get it if you have a favourite. but put the guns down. they love each other....... you are missing the POINT #if you're anti either of them i really don't care to hear what you have to say on this topic. opinion automatically invalid.#etc. etc. leave both of my babies alone. i hate u all.#metaposting #911

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lilia-calderus-pet-goat · 8 months ago

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Something of note about Lilia's tarot spread is that—it's hers. The cards she pulls aren't precisely who the characters are to themselves, but who they are and what they represent to Lilia. As her coven, in her life.

Like, I don't really know my tarot that well—I'm just pulling themes from within the episode and my general understanding.

But when she was reading for Billy, he was fittingly represented by the Magician. But for Lilia, he was the “windfall.” He was the tower, reversed. Miraculous transformation. Because she, having put the sigil on him, saved him from the destruction and lead to his miraculous transformation. And to her, he was the windfall, because without him, she wouldn't be here, with her coven. She wouldn't have found herself.

Alice's is very straight forward—“full of fire, fights bravely.” It's how Lilia saw her, what Lilia had once again predicted for her. 'Wound suffered, lessons learned.' Specifically, Lilia wasn't able to warn Alice, but she learned her lesson. So, this time, she makes sure to warn Agatha. “When she calls you a coward, hit the deck.”

And why does she warn Agatha? Agatha represents her 'obstacles,' after all. Maybe so—Lilia's literal obstacle at this stage ends up being the Salem Seven, who merely want Agatha. Yet she chooses to stay behind to save a woman who probably wouldn't do the same for her. And the reason is—for her, Agatha is the Three of Swords. She looks at her and sees Heartbreak, (Rio) Sorrow, (Evanora) Grief (Nicholas). And Lilia is willing to forgive her—to sacrifice herself for her—even if the universe itself doesn't think she deserves it. This is different from how Agatha views herself, or even how Billy views her, since he initially pulls out the Chariot. One might say it's a random choice, but the Chariot is described as representing “determination, success, and control.” It's about overcoming challenges and gaining victory through maintaining control of your surroundings—which, I argue, embodies Agatha pretty well. So The Three of Swords is who Agatha is to Lilia. She doesn't hate her, or see her as a force to be reckoned with. She pities her. After all, the Queen of Cups is defined by her empathy.

Then, of course, Jen. Jen is Lilia's path ahead. Not only because she has a brilliant future of her own ahead of her in the mcu, now with her powers unbound. Because Lilia senses all the trapped light and bound power that Jen carries—“The High Priestess: Immense spiritual power, unable or unwilling to use it--” but also because Jen, the survivor, is the one who will carry on Lilia's memory. All those centuries, Lilia had been alone—there was no 'path ahead.' Everything was a jumbled mess, her “path” was non-linear and twisty. And Jen, after centuries of solitude, was her light in the dark, guiding her through the dark tunnels, as her mind wandered through her timeline searching for answers. Jen was the only person in centuries who bothered to see her as something more, to acknowledge her strength, and to help her fill in the gaps as best as she could. And so Lilia sees so much hope in Jennifer—who won't stop becoming better and better. Because for Jen, the Queen of Cups is her path behind. Wound suffered, lessons learned. “I couldn't save Lilia, I didn't even try to save Alice, I'll be damned if I let you two idiots die.”

Finally, Death, Rio. Well—it's obvious. In tarot, death isn't literal. It's mist often symbolic. Transformation, end of a cycle, new beginnings. Which is why we never see Lilia's corpse, and we never see Rio collect her. Because unlike Alice, Lilia went into the afterlife willingly. And for her, it was a beautiful release. After years of running out of time—she got to start anew—knowing that this time, she managed to save her coven. (I'd also like to think that the reason we don't see Rio collect Sharon is because it was a peaceful death—joining Mr. Davis instead of suffering further. Whereas Alice finally had something to live for, but I digress. I've already made my posts about Alice.)

I think that this is all relatively obvious—but I genuinely can't stop thinking about Lilia and her dynamics with the rest of the coven.

#agatha all along #lilia calderu #in lilia we trust #patti lupone #agatha harkness #billy maximoff #alice wu gulliver #jennifer kale #rio vidal #lilia calderu x jennifer kale #lilia calderu & jennifer kale #lilia calderu & agatha harkness #lilia calderu & billy maximoff #lilia calderu & alice wu gulliver #lilia calderu & rio vidal #lilia's leggings #agatha all along analysis

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kys02 · 4 months ago

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Jax is not a jerk.

Please, hear me out.

TW: mention of domestic abuse.

I’m not here to excuse his actions. If someone does something bad, they should be held accountable. But there’s always a reason behind behavior. No character is “bad just for the sake of being bad.”

I know Jax has done a lot of messed-up things, but give me a chance to explain his actions—maybe you’ll see him in a different light.

Jax has boundaries.

A true villain doesn’t hold back. They’ll do whatever they want without hesitation. But according to the Gooseworx, Jax does have boundaries—there are lines he won’t cross.

I know what you’re thinking about. “But he threw Pomni out of the truck in Episode 2! He left Ragatha ( and Pomni ) behind with a glitching Kaufmo in the pilot! He constantly bullies others!”

But let’s look deeper.

First, remember that his teasing and pranks are a coping mechanism. It’s his way of keeping himself sane.

Second, he never takes things too far. Yes, his actions can be cruel, but when he realizes something genuinely harms someone, he backs off.

Take the pilot, for example. He left Ragatha when Kaufmo glitched out, but why? Because he was scared. Later, we see that Ragatha got “infected” with the glitch.

Now, think about the moment she said, “I am in so much pain!”

Here’s where it gets interesting—recently, in a Japanese billboard ad, there was a small scene where Kaufmo glitches behind Pomni while she’s arguing with Jax. And what does Jax do? He immediately gets nervous and says, “Wanna continue this somewhere else?”

He knows when to stop. He realized that if Pomni also glitched, it would hurt her. That means he does have empathy. He may act cold, but he’s not heartless.

Why does he act this way?

Now let’s re-examine some of his actions.

Remember when he threw Pomni out of the truck?

Or when he cut off her conversation with Ragatha?

(Both moments from Ep 2.)

Every time he sees others forming connections, it bothers him. Because deep down, he wants that too—but he doesn’t know how to handle it.

Instead of confronting his own feelings, he shuts those moments down. He disrupts conversations, pushes people away, and keeps his distance.

And here’s the key point:

If a parent abuses their child, it’s often because they were abused themselves. (I know this is a terrible example, but it gets the point across.)

If Jax constantly picks on those who are soft, emotional, or vulnerable, it’s because he sees himself in them.

He hates in others what he hates in himself.

And behavior like this doesn’t come out of nowhere.

Someone, at some point, showed him that “messing with people is fine!” Maybe it happened before he ended up in the circus. Maybe it started after. But the fact remains: he does it because someone did it to him.

His teasing and cruelty aren’t “just for fun.”

They’re a defense mechanism, a way to stay sane, and a reflection of his own self-hatred projected onto others.

So, what’s the takeaway?

No, this doesn’t make him a good person. He still does awful things, and nobody has to forgive him for that.

But understanding his actions doesn’t mean excusing them.

All I’m saying is: if we ask “why” instead of just labeling him as “the mean one,” we get a more complex character.

Thanks for reading!

(And by the way, I saw so much engagement on my last post—thank you all so much! 💜)

#tadc #the amazing digital circus #tadc theory #gooseworx #tadc jax #jax the rabbit

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yuikomorii · 9 days ago

Note

I genuinely think Ayato is a total pushover. Like, he is the one handing people the doormat and saying, “Please, wipe your feet on me.”

I get that he’s scared of being abandoned or left out, but come on — there’s a limit. He forgives everyone, no matter how horribly they treat him. It’s like he’s running a charity for emotional abuse.

He’s desperate to be “included” by a family that basically treats him like trash. I still remember in Laito’s LE route — after Laito emotionally shredded him into bits — Ayato was like, “What about me? Can I come along?” EXCUSE ME?? Sir?? Have you tried... I don’t know... dignity?

Honestly, he needs professional help. And clearly not the kind Yui offers, because whatever she's doing is not working. I adore Ayato — his sweet, innocent nature is endearing — but there’s a difference between being pure-hearted and being a self-destructive doormat with a masochism side quest. At this point, I want to shake him until his last brain cell files a complaint.

And let’s be real — if any other character suffered what Ayato went through, there’d be no happy ending in sight. Just a bloodbath, a burned-down mansion, and probably half the cast plotting revenge like it’s a full-time job. Meanwhile, Ayato’s over here forgiving everyone like it’s a group therapy session — Honestly, without him constantly forgiving everyone, the game would have ended way earlier .

// Unfortunately, that’s a very common way of writing main characters, especially in shounen series. Someone could deliberately kill the hero’s family, curse them or basically do something to destroy their whole life and the hero will be like, “It’s okay because everyone deserves a second chance and I don’t hold grudges, so I forgive you uwu”. Of course, what Ayato does is very noble, but I do believe it’s also very unfair. Forgiving someone who’s actually showing remorse is understandable, but still holding onto people who don’t care about you as much as you do about them is pretty painful.

In his LE vampire ending and after story, it’s shown twice how he developed PTSD from what happened to him there. LE is for real Ayato’s suffering porn game, because he’s just so pure to the point of losing his self-respect. Like… Ayato, come on now, you’re too pretty for THIS:

Credit to: dialovers-translations

I also wouldn’t call him a masochist. He never starts liking being treated poorly, but he just thinks he doesn’t deserve to be treated any better because he made mistakes throughout his life too.

In his LE route, his brothers were too in-character, which gave us some sort of culture shock. We’d gotten used to seeing a more sugarcoated, softened version of them than in the earlier games, but here they act exactly as you'd expect based on their default personalities. Laito and Reiji are envious, so of course they’d be mean to someone who has what they want. Shu just sits around, but he’ll throw in a cutting remark if he's in the mood. Kanato is a ticking time bomb, so it’s easy to get on his nerves. And Subaru is a coward who will jump on the bandwagon because he doesn’t want to become a target too. Ayato doesn’t get treated like a victim because he doesn’t match the stereotypical image of one. There’s this narrow mindset that unless someone is visibly depressed, crying their eyes out, sui€idal or drowning in self-hatred, they must be totally fine and not worthy of empathy and support.

Regarding your last paragraph, that’s basically the point. Karlheinz confirmed that Ayato is the mentally strongest among his sons. If any of the others were in his position, things would have turned out much worse. Even Rejet has acknowledged that Ayato is the driving force of the story.

#admin

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about-faces · 4 months ago

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Saw a post from a Nightwing fan that was like “oh my god there’s someone out there who seriously would like to see Two-Face in the BatFam, WTF?! After what he did to Dick?! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

….

…

… Anyway, here’s why I think Harvey Dent should be in the BatFam.

For starters, I think it would be a wonderful way to incorporate Bruce’s long-standing love for Harvey in a situation where he gets to interact with a variety of young people who either have personal beefs with Harvey and/or have little sympathy/reason to care about him. We’ve already seen the potential of Harvey and Jason interacting and how fantastic that was for both characters.

I want to see Harvey (specifically a Harvey whose good side gets to be present and distinct, if not in complete control for the time being) interact with Dick, who hates him and—like some of his fans—completely disregards Harvey’s history of mental illness and internal struggles to overcome Scarvey. Extra points if they incorporate the Robin: Year One origin with Dick being beaten by Two-Face (which is not currently canon, btw), something that Harvey would never have done if he was in his right mind or even in control at the time. He was subsumed by his worst side to the point that Two-Face outright genuinely considered Harvey “dead,” but Dick neither knows nor cares about that, and I’d like to see that explored outside of a typical hero/villain environment.

I want to see Harvey interact with Damian and Cass, who each might have his own opinions about Bruce’s ongoing belief in someone’s inherent goodness, heroism, and worth, no matter how much blood is on one’s hands or how they were raised.

I want to see Cass and Steph both reckon with Harvey’s own history of abuse at a father’s hands, and how one tries to struggle against the cycles of violence. Is Harvey a victim of how he was raised, or is he a monster for not overcoming his trauma like they did? I want know if the compassion Cass extended to Clayface could also apply to Harvey. I want to know if either woman would have any empathy for Harvey, or condemn him as being reprehensible and irredeemable.

I want Babs to have a backstory where she, as a kid, knew and liked Harvey, and the two bonded over having alcoholic fathers, something which no one can understand if they haven’t experienced it.

I want to see if Duke has any feelings about a once-good man who was transformed into something he does not want to be, much in the way his own parents were victims of Gotham’s monsters.

I want Tim to better understand Harvey’s psyche, to see if he still thinks that Harvey is someone who “chooses” to become Two-Face again after every redemption attempt.

I want more interactions between Harvey and Jason, acknowledging them as twin symbols of Bruce’s failure who both became murderous mob bosses. How many orphans has Jason created? Why is Jason welcomed back in but not Harvey? Is it because Harvey nearly beat a Robin to death, just like Damian did with Tim? Is it okay to excuse/forgive a brainwashed child but not a severely mentally ill adult who had no control over his worst side? Why or why not?

I want to know which BatFam members would even notice all the ways that Bruce and Harvey are so similar, mirrors to each other with Harvey being the one who lost everything, including his own identity and sanity. I want to know what their takeaways would be, or if they’d even care. I want to know if any of them would realize that Bruce could easily fall like Harvey without the love and support they provide as a family, which Harvey lacks?

Remember A Lonely Place of Dying? Harvey without Gilda and Batman without Robin, both evenly matched in a mutually-suicidal death spiral, broken only when Tim emerged in Bruce’s life? Would Tim draw those parallels? Would any of them? Would it even matter?

Because not all of the BatFam can or should have empathy for Harvey. No family, not even the BatFam, should end every disagreement with Full-House-style hugs and apologies. Sometimes you just hate or don’t even care about other family members, and that’s fine! But I still want to see those relationships explored and hashed out within the context of family.

On top of it all, I want some acknowledgement that Harvey was Bruce’s first and only ally back in Batman: Year One before Gordon came around to Bruce’s side. That Harvey was the ONLY person in Gotham trying to fight against the forces of the mob and cops alike before Bruce returned and Jim rolled into town. That he, as Batman’s ally and the youngest DA in Gotham history, was the original Boy Wonder of Gotham City. That Bruce’s failure to save Harvey has hung over each and every one of his relationships and connections in the BatFam.

Finally, I want to see Harvey in the BatFam because I want to know that, no matter what you’ve done or become, there will still be some people out there who are holding out for you to come back. That you may not be forgiven by all or even most of them, but you’re still worthy of love. And even if/when Harvey loses his battle with himself again, I want some of the BatFam to react with sympathy, some having changed their perceptions about the man they only knew as Two-Face. That maybe, occasionally, the criminals they fight aren’t monsters but just broken people, lost to some combination of circumstance, upbringing, mental illness, and personal choices. I want to see them reckon with that. I think that would be important.

And okay yeah sure I’d also like to see Harvey take them all out for pizza and games at Chuck E Cheese’s or something like that. I just think that’d be neat.

Anyway. I hope that all makes more sense now for anyone still wondering. I’ll finish up with proof that Harvey being in the BatFam has actually been touched on in comics, from the gatefold cover of Hush (that’s Harvey, not Hush, with the bandages), DC Future State, and DC Bombsells.

So there’s a fuzzy sort of precedent for Harvey fitting in with the BatFam. I just hope someone at DC will eventually share my vision, even if some BatFam fans never will.

#harvey dent #batfam #batman family #bruce wayne #dick grayson #nightwing #jason todd #red hood #tim drake #red robin #stephanie brown #spoiler #cassandra cain #barbara gordon #batgirl #duke thomas #signal dc

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yan-lorkai · 7 days ago

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.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ﾟ warnings: yandere content, medical malpractice, lobotomy, blood.

"This is the only way."

He whispers like a death sentence that had been signed without your explicit consent, your opinion, and your best interest in mind. Despite him telling how he was only doing this for your own good - though, his Princess ordered him to, and he couldn't deny her.

His hands had, without fail, stained blood for her. It was so much blood that coated his armor and dripped down his fingers that it could mirror a river.

Thumd. Thumd. Thumd.

It was the sound that he could hear of blood streaming down like a river from the necks of his enemies if he focused on it. But Lilia didn't liked the sound that much, nor did he liked the blood. His hands were always scrubbed hard to clean himself from all the redness, from the pugent smell of iron, after a battle. Even if he thought it was a useless act.

One to clean himself from his sins. From not being strong enough to argue with his princess. But how could he whe her eyes spark so bright, and her smile was more valuable to him than her crown and the jewels incrusted on it?

How could he, then, deny her command of lifting his hand to do her dirty job again? Even now, his fingers were tense when he held the ice pick, fingers white from how hard he was holding in.

"I never thought it would come to this."

Red eyes stared down at your serene face.

And he knew, deep down that he longed to feel the same - that peace, if induced by the stronger anesthesia in the whole word. Lilia didn't want nothing more than be able to untie you from your seat and letting you run away, to escape to a better place, where much nicer people would take care of you, would heal your injuries and love you.

But he was not a good man.

He was not.

He was a soldier. And it's a soldier job to follow his Princess orders.

He wondered... could you forgive him? Could you find in yourself strength and empathy to know that he, too, was being forced into this situation? That he too didn't want to do that? That he didn't-

"Lilia." She called. Imposing, austere. But she, who was soon to be crowned, was nothing if not imposing and austere.

She ruled with an iron fist, winning the war against the humans who tried to destroy her land and kingdom. She ruled with grace rebuilding everything, multi-tasking so everything could be done sooner, so everyone had a roof over their heads again and food on their table, so the fear could dissipate.

"What is taking you so long? Are you afraid?" She was teasing him now. But there was an underlying threat on her words; testing his loyalty and commitment to her.

If he couldn't do the job, she knew there were other faes who would be willing to do because that would mean being under her favor.

"I was explaining the procedure to the patient." He was quick in his excuses, leaning over your figure and checking to make sure your hands and ankles were securely tied. "They were sedated, so they won't be agitated."

"Ah, what a pity," Meleanor sighed. "I would have liked to hear they screaming."

You were so vulnerable like that. Your eyes lost in the mist of your own mind, just as you would be forever in just a few minutes from now. Maleanor giggled softly, putting a strand of hair behind your ear as she peered over the expression you were making.

"Give me the ice pick, Lilia." She demanded.

She extended her hand, but her loyal soldier could just focus on her long, dark nails, and he could only thought: she will scratch your face when she pulls your eyelid up, when she holds your head, when she inserted the ice pick, when she pushed it in.

There were so many what ifs...

And then there was you.

Lost in the haze, in the bitter memories, in the hatred you held on for so long, there was you, disoriented, groggy, out of touch. You wouldn't feel a thing, wouldn't scream, wouldn't know what had happened; Lilia took that from you and he didn't even felt bad.

Feeling bad would meant that was he did was bad, and he wasn't a bad person.

He couldn't be.

He was a soldier, a father, a friend. How can someone like this be a bad person?

Lilia lent her the ice pick without hesitation. His heart ached for you, but she was his Princess, his lady, the one whom he loved the most.

That ice peak seemed to hold all the secrets in the entire world to Meleanor, as she held it with a reverence that she didn't extended to you. Lilia wasn't even sure if what his lady felt was truly love you like a person more than she loved you as a prize, her human prize.

Humans tried to counquer Briar's Valley only for her to annihilate them, their blood soaked bodies scattered everywhere as bugs as they met their end on her sword. There didn't rest much to bury, after her powerful thunderstorm came down strinking them.

"Hold their eye open for me, Lilia," His princess ordered.

And he followed her command.

With that, she raised the ice pick, poised and ready to plunge it into the soft flesh of your temple. Yet, to Lilia, the room seemed to spun, colors blurring and melding together, as the adrenalia coursed through his veins. Through the haze, one thought crystalized in his mind: this was not the end. This could not be the end. You couldn't end like that.

As the ice pick pierced deep into your frontal lobe, your world exploded into a silent kaleidoscope of agony and darkness. If you were awoken, the pain would be unlike anything that you could have experimented before - searing, blinding, tearing you apart.

Your frontal lobe was cut down with surgical precision by Lilia's Princess.

And your eye, which Lilia was holding, was bleeding; coating his fingers again. He felt helpless, useless, dirty.

A dark, cruel smile played upon Meleanor's lips as she watched your once defiant gaze now glazed and unfocused. The ice pick slipped from her slack fingers, clattering to the floor with a harsh, discordant sound that echoed in the sudden, heavy silence of the room, as a pained mumble left your throat.

Meleanor watched with a twisted sense of fascination as your eyes rolled back in your head, your body convulsing violently against the restraints. She could see the fierce intelligence and unbreakable spirit that had drawn her to you in the first place, disappearing. And yet, even as your limbs grew slack and your breathing became shallow, she felt a thrill of triumph surge through her.

As the last vestiges of your consciousness slipped away, the fae princess leaned down, capturing your slack mouth in a brutal, punishing kiss. It was a kiss that spoke of ownership, of possession, of a love so twisted and dark that it bordered on hatred. Something that unsettled Lilia so much that he averted his eyes and kept staring at the floor, the walls, anywhere.

"Mine," she growled against your lips, one hand fisting in your hair, holding your head in place as she plundered your mouth. "You are mine, Yuu. Now and for all eternity."

She had done it. She shattered the unbreakable, tamed the untamable. And now, you were completely, utterly, and forever hers.

"Why?" Lilia asked.

He sounded broken. Utterly lost and broken. He was defeated as she had never seen him be.

"You know what love is?" Meleanor inquired, examining your face, how the blood stained and ran down your neck as a river, how disconnected mumbles left your mouth, and she sighed dreamily.

"You're naive, Lilia!"

Her grip tightened on your face, her fingers digging into your skin with a desperate, almost painful intensity as she caressed every place she could find, enjoying how your cold skin felt against her hot one. All she saw was you, beautiful and perfect and hers.

"When you love someone, you keep them safe and close... even if it means locking them away from the world, Lilia. There's many ways to do that, and I choose lobotomy to honor their humanity. They were so proud of this practice ages ago." Meleanor giggled as if she remembered a joke that only she could understand. That only she could appreciate.

Saliva dripped down your lips, past your chin, and down to your knees. And Meleanor licked it, moaned even as she felt the coopery taste mingling with it.

"When you love, the other person shouldn't be able to breathe without you knowing it, they shouldn't be able to move without you seeing it. You should consume their every waking moment until there's nothing left of them except what belongs to you. That's love, Lilia."

She rested her chin over your head as she stared at her friend with uninterest. Or rather, apathy. For she, Lilia had no reason to be so emotional over a little thing like that.

He tried to come up with a negative answer, he thought and thought about it, but the answer never came. He stood silent, as he usually did, and bowed to his princess, even as he bite his lips hard enough to bleed, even as he wanted to go back in time and redo things, and help you escape and live your life far away from him.

He swalled away his guilt and pain and tried to be as nonchalant as he could.

"I see."

He really didn't nor wanted to see things her way, no matter how much he loved Meleanor and Laverne, that went past all his limits and he needed some time away from everything. He couldn't even look at your ghostly face without feeling a sense of sadness washing over him.

His chest seemed tight, or maybe it was his throat. He didn't know.

"You may go, Lilia." Meleanor dismissed him with a gesture of her hand as she untied your hands and ankles with the help of magic.

He was not ashamed by the way that he almost ran from that terrible room, disgusted by the smell of blood, of it being in his fingers, of your figure who would never be the same, even if your heart was still beating in your chest.

And if by the end of the night he felt guilty, Lilia drank his worries away in his room.

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