#I’m sick of having shit to do tbh
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#also sorry for not being around#we’ve been really busy and it’s been exhausting 😭😭😭#I’m sick of having shit to do tbh#but I hope everyone is doing alright! and I hope to come back soon#or at least be able to pop in more often!#bot this weekend tho#I double tomorrow and Sunday and will be working late tonight 😭#ooc *:・゚✧#mobile mun#tbd prolly
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I’ll be a doctor one day and all the pharmaceutical reps will be waiting in the lobby for hours begging for a chance to speak with me to push their samples to patients and I’ll have pharmaceutical companies buying free lunch for my employees every day just so they can sit w me at lunch and speak to me and I’ll also have a housewife/husband but instead it’ll be an office wife/husband and they’ll run the managerial aspects of my hospital for me . Among other things
#And that’s a VOW#Also depending on how involved I’ll be in the biotech industry maybe I’ll also be a medical director and spearhead sick research projects#I’ll def be research leaning I really do love it#But I don’t wanna do that shit on the sidelines like when I’m older I want to be directing that shit#I for sure wanna be involved in drug discovery I think it’s so fun#So many goals 😞😞#Also I’ll have a high turnover for patients and patients won’t wait forever but my staff will still be pleasant and not pushy#I also hate the red tape around healthcare services so they’ll fs be a lot more accessible#I have a lot of goals that are patient oriented I was just trying to sound conceited but it goes beyond that tbh#It’s rly funny watching pharma reps grovel but there’s more to life than being groveled for
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Recent doodles cause I was sick so obviously I had to give that to the vampire hunter man. The transfer was mostly successful btw, the headaches are less frequent d(^^)
Text and other ranting ⬇️
This one has no text. It’s just Simon waking up a little feverish— I was going to draw him getting out of bed and other longer character interaction comic stuff, but I uh was also having the head pain at the time 💀💀💀. Maybe someday later.
Simon is in like a robe or housecoat and saying “I-I’m all alright” and there’s a bit in parentheses under him that says “says guy who is clearly ill”. Then there’s a littler doodle of him doing the unsteady walk you do when you’re sick sometimes in his pjs—
The text is as follows: (Christopher) “oh my god— Simon, go lay down you are burning up.” (Simon) “immokayy” (Christopher) “you are swaying on your feet please—”. I think Simon would probably deny that he was anything less than in perfect health even when visibly not 💀. Or do the thing of “I’ve had worse” or “I can handle it” and like no, sir, what you’ve missed here is that part of handling it is rest, go lay down!!! Also Christopher is here because I just wanna see all the Belmonts getting to be a family and have significantly less responsibilities to deal with. Good lord do these guys need just a fun slice of life everyone is alive and well and we threw them into modern times AU holy shit… And also Christopher is Mr. Dad Guy Belmont, he’s definitely the guy out of all of them to be harping on someone to take care of themselves. Idk I feel like he gets extra dad vibes having been the guy allowed to be a dad on screen lol. Although I could see most of them doing this for someone though, so Simon has to go through like a whole maybe 5 other dudes insisting that he go rest and following him to make sure he’s alright. That whole denial thing is not going to work 💀. I’m thinking maybe I should draw that huh, ok another one on the ever growing list—
#castlevania#castlevania games#simon belmont#castlevania christopher#christopher belmont#akumajo dracula#akumajou dracula#art post#my art#yay drawing the blorbo going through situations you’re in yay!#he probably has the most messed up fever dreams ever like#that shit’s gonna be sending him back to the spinning room in Draculas castle like#somebody get him an icepack :(#also like now that I’m thinking of it—#Belmonts generally seem to have an immunity to contracting supernatural things like#Simon tanks transmissible hits from werewolves vampires and zombies all the time and doesn’t end up any one of them#and I imagine the curse got to him because it came from like demon dragon Dracula monster that’s the embodiment of humanity’s sins#I mean that sounds like a pretty big deal to me—#they also seem to have some kind of resilience against being injured in general too#Trevor gets stabbed in the heart and lives long enough afterwards to be picked up by Julia and saved#but does this resistance to things apply to illnesses?#like do they just very rarely get sick— do they get sick at all— is it only like high level illnesses that they can get#do they get sick and then just like tough it out way better than a not supernatural whip wielding magical bloodline person—#it’s probably some kind of difference in frequency and intensity tbh hmmmm#interesting thing to think about—#either way Simon has some crazier illness than I had I just had like probably severe eye strain or smth#he’s going through it 💀💀💀
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people arguing about whether or not it’s problematic to ship ian and poppy, and whether or not it’s problematic for be vocally against shipping ian and poppy, in the main tag. meanwhile i am looking for crumbs of danarachel because the entire fanbase has decided they’re boring. but danarachel date night though. danarachel workplace conflict of interest. danarachel adopting a dog. so many beautiful things happening so far in season 4
#they low key are boring tbh 😔#i love them though and i love their chemistry#i think the writers decided to focus more on their own plot arcs (especially for dana) than their relationship#but while s1 is peak danarachel unresolved yearning — i do think they’re the most interesting they’ve ever been as characters by s4#and there’s so much potential for messiness in the work/life balance of their relationship that they’re setting up#we’ll see if there’s payoff!! (because there wasn’t that much payoff to the berkeley plot line……)#but i have faith in this season#tbh i do understand that some of the other sickos in this show have more fuel for fan engagement#especially like speculation and unresolved tension and toxicity etc#but sometimes istg people are just making excuses why they don’t care about lesbians as much as men tbqh#i will say it’s funny to see people in the tag defend poppy x ian because ‘if it were an mlm ship it would be so popular in the fandom’#and like. honestly true lol.#but i will say part of why i don’t like the idea of poppy x ian is bc i’m SICK of straight relationships everywhere all the time#in literally everything i watch m/f friendships devolve into romantic relationships#you’ve gotta take your fandom glasses off sometimes#i don’t think it’s Problematic in fact i think it’s interesting to think about OUTSIDE of canon#but i will be very disappointed if it happens in the show#anyway i’m not even putting this in the main tag bc it’s 4 am and idk if this even makes sense rn#but i will send it out into the void#i will post some danarachel shit when i have time since i have to do everything myself around here 🙄
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i fear today will be an anxiety day 🧍♀️
#basically this is my mom’s last real day at work (she’ll still be helping them clean the store this week) because her store is officially#closing and it’s like actually hitting me now much this sucks… at first i’m ngl i was happy because she genuinely got treated like shit#there (teenagers making fun of her behind her back / bosses taking advantage of her willingness to work) and i was glad she’s getting this#break and moving on but she’s literally worked on that building since i was 4 or 5#it’s going to be so weird to see it sitting empty and have some other store move in where the employees there aren’t my mom#she has plenty of job opportunities bc every local business wants her bc they’re customers at her store and know she actually does her job#but none of them hit the same tbh#this summer is going to be so weird because my dad had periods of time off work when he was injured but my mom has literally never taken#off work for more than a week#i feel like she’s going to be miserable being at home all summer bc we only have one car which my dad needs for work#not that we’ll have money to do anything though#and ngl… i’m kind of dreading it bc i know my mom and i are about to be so sick of each other bc neither of us will be going anywhere#autumn rambles
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i simply feel that if you burn shit in your roommate’s skillet you should then feel the obligation to be the one who scrapes it out and cleans up
#sometimes i think about the fact that i’m literally the only person who’s cleaned the kitchen in this place for the entire year and a half#i’ve lived here and i get. a little pissed off#i’ve tried being polite and bringing up the problem without explicitly pointing fingers by leaving cleaning products (which i bought)#out on the counters and sending a text in the group chat like ‘hey! 😊 i got these wipes for us! i think that all of us could#use these a little more often so that the kitchen doesn’t get so gross!’ but it seems that everyone either has no sense of shame or just#genuinely doesn’t mind living in filth for the periods between the marathon cleaning sessions i do every few weekends when i have the time#one of the guys who lives downstairs will just walk right by me cleaning up on his way to the fridge and pretend he can’t see me#which is still better than the other one (the one who just burned shit in my skillet) who once saw me cleaning and asked if he could help#and when i got all pleased and asked if he could maybe take the trash out for me while i was cleaning counters (a small and simple task!#when he’d literally asked me if there was anything he could do!) he visibly deflated. said ‘well i’m not really around here much [so it’s#not my trash in there etc.]’ and wandered off. without doing anything#like. HELLO???? you could have just been like the other guy and pretended you didn’t see me doing all the work if this was how you were#going to be about it#but i guess he wanted to feel good about himself having offered/expected me to just say ‘oh no thanks i love being your housekeeper 😊’#tbh i really need to be more assertive and be like ‘hey guys i’m sick of this’ and maybe. bring up the Sexism of it all. because.#you know. the whole situation feels pretty gendered#was complaining about all this to an irl friend the other day and she said i should start a chore chart but i don’t want to be responsible#for maintaining the chore chart either! take on the mental load of managing the housework and also turning into Resident Bitch for asking#men to do things for me. you know. there is simply no way out here#there is another woman who lives here as well but unfortunately i don’t think she’ll be much help in forcing the issue because. she doesn’t#clean shit either!#actually in the days since she moved in the shower drain in our bathroom has become horrendously clogged which. well. i mean not to point#fingers but one of us has got about two inches of hair and the other has got a foot and a half. so#i also simply feel that if you clog a drain you should be the one to unclog it but i’ll probably do that as well#sorry for the massive tag rant by the way i really shouldn’t make myself out to be some kind of martyr because i’m not particularly neat#myself but…. ooooh god if the bar isn’t all the way down in hell#anyway i just did a whole bunch of dishes but i left that one skillet to soak passive-aggressively overnight#i don’t think the aggression will come across though because i think he genuinely won’t even pay attention to the fact that it’s still#dirty and i’ll end up being the one to clean it tomorrow#caseyposting
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There are two wolves inside me. One is trying to convince me to do extensive research for the job interview tomorrow and the other is saying “wing it”
#there’s yet another that’s saying ‘cancel it’ but no i want to do this#i’m just sick of working from home. it has made me realise that i have zero ability to self-motivate myself or to set up a schedule#and stick to it#(case in point: i’m on here at 10:19 on a thursday morning instead of working)#thank god i don’t have concrete deadlines to stick to because i would’ve failed all of them and gotten fired#anyway. to be honest i don’t know how much research i NEED to do? like i don’t know what they’re going to ask me#it’s either going to be a super informal interview where they basically have already made up their minds to hire me if i seem credible#or it’s going to be a long drawn-out process of structured interview questions and ‘tell me about a time you went above and beyond at work’#which… is a GARBAGE question i’m sorry. above and beyond??? girl i earned minumum fucking wage at my last job#i’ll go above and beyond when you pay me more than the bare fucking minimum. £12 an hour?? you’re lucky i showed up and didn’t steal stuff#i think my ‘research’ is just going to be making shit up to be honest#i have figured out where this place is geographically. i have looked at the website (which mostly just had pictures of a big pool)#i want to look at coshh guidelines and shit again and i want to make up some stories about me being an exemplary employee#because i know that just having been slightly above average is not enough. i’ve been slightly above average at most things my whole life#and it’s never enough#tbh i might just print out the job description and highlight the parts i already fit (so i know to talk about that in the interview)#and then find ways to make it look like i COULD fit the parts i don’t fit. or could learn to do so#i don’t want to doooooo this i hate job interviews. i hate bureaucracy#i hate having to beg for a job from companies that should be begging people to work for them#considering the fucking insane amount of duties they want to give you for fucking minimum wage. but anyway#if you need me i’m going to fight with my printer. it’s trying its best but ‘its best’ is not good#personal
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man the weirdest thing about 2024 so far is my nyquil induced dreams this time meant I dreamt about lexa. in the year of our lord 2024!!!!!!
#I have never dreamt about lexa before brain 😭#like tbh! I do tend to have vivid dreams!#but they’re usually like. some weird stress job related shit#(tbt that time I was stressed about a call up and made up an even MORE fucked up way to file evidence#by having to paper file everything except the filing window was somehow a fucking stump in the middle of the woods where faries would accept#the filing or not???????) or like. idk sometimes you have intense dreams about dating your friends and things are weird for a bit.#but this??????#anyway that’s how the 100 dominated my brain entering 2024 happy new year everyone#also I’ve been sick this past week (did I catch covid at the holiday party we were all forced to work at? probably? did it thoroughly fuck#up my holiday plans? 10000000%!!!!! I wanted to play sooo much bg3 and enjoy the family nye party!!! and yet#here I am) so I have spent most of my week sleeping it off and thoroughly fucked up my sleep schedule so that’s fun!!#more importantly humi and tamal were VERY sweet and would not leave my side while I was bedridden (exaggerated) but now that I’m better#they’re like ok whatever bye. except it’s cold! I miss the snuggles 😭#anyway.#personal tag#I guess
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😑 ugh I am feeling them withdrawals.
#tw depressing thoughts#tw sui ideation#she’s cute my stomach pain is back#random but I had the wonderful privilege of having some shitty physical anxiety that shit ruined my gi track 😑 i has to get so sick because#my body was worn down from freaking out the time my heart was racing stomach in knots bitch could not think straight and the constant su#thoughts and negative thoughts was daily and just intense 😑#that shit got worst as I got older which I mean makes sense because more stakes but if I left it unmanaged hmm probably would’ve started#doing drugs tbh#or died idk I’m just reminded myself of hey you feel better bitch never forget to take your medicine 😑#that is all
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i bought an ipad to play hypdream on and am trying to figure out expenses to buy a ps4 for the extra shadow animation as well i need…….. to stop having hobbies
#vee queued to fill the void#J………….JAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN *shakes fist*#WHY DID YOU HAVE TO VIBE WITH SONIC NAO WHERE WAS ALL THIS HYPE 30 YEARS AGO SONIC WAS A FLOP THERE UNTIL NOW LMAO#LIKE THAT STATUE IS SICK AS SHIT *EGGMAN VOICE* I CANT BELIEVE THIS#OUT HERE MAKING ME PAY GOOD MONEY IMPORTING GOODS WHEN I THOUGHT ALL I HAD TO WORRY ABOUT WAS HYPMIC BRO#if shadow gens comes out on ps4 i might opt for that tho 😭😭😭😭 like i don’t have a 4k tv but i do have a 1080p 60fps one#but i can’t imagine it’s any cheaper lol#tbh i’ve been wanting a steam deck but that’s even pricier lol no wonder i stopped playing video games *wheeze*#and i’m still planning on allocating as many funds as i can for the drb oh sweet destitution
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the way that it doesn’t just make me sad but angry that idols are expected to apologize not just for disappointing fans and their members but for harming them by so much as even having a dating rumor bc is it that bad they found love? or something that could become that? is it that bad for the people you supposedly love and support to be happy? yes I know the industry basically runs on the parasocial relationships but isn’t it high time to recognize that someone else’s happiness is not an attempt to ruin yours? that even if it is painful or difficult for you, that is not the responsibility of the idol. they should not need to apologize for their own happiness and events within their personal life which half the time come out as leaks (read: invasions of their privacy) rather than on their own time. and to go as far as to say it implies they don’t deserve their job or should leave their group… artists experiencing things in life? the emotions of affection and infatuation and love and endearment and everything else that comes with a romantic relationship? that’s only going to give them the capacity to create greater and more enriched art. i’m not saying they’re in a relationship to do (and I certainly hope not) but if you need any reason at all to refrain from causing these idols harm in the way you claim their happiness has so deeply harmed and disappointed you, then take it as them living. that life needs art and art needs life.
#i just 💪💪💪💪💪💪#i actually don’t give a shit about if romance makes them a better artist tbh#i just think everyone deserves happiness and if they’re in a relationship then hooray for them#sick and tired of them needing to apologize for harming and disappointing fans#like the fact that dating rumors exist almost at the same levels as WAY MORE MESSED UP SHIT TO DO is absolutely gdkshckksjfjjdbfk angering#this is mostly about people’s reactions to josh but just in general tbh#esPECIALLY when it comes from leaks or like ‘so and so was seen in this blurry ass photo with a GIRL’ and i’m just!!!!!#fans be like ‘i’d be okay if they were private about it and didn’t rub it in our face’#like bby!!!! people taking pics of them on dates when they got have their face covered and didn’t consent to the photo that got plastered#all over the internet is not them being obnoxious about it!!! it’s an invasion of their privacy#like fuck don’t you think it’s painful for the artist to know the expected norms and HAKFHKDJFKDJ i can’t even complete the sentence it make#me soooo upset just like !!!!!!!!!!!! and this isn’t even just the kaypahp industry#western fandom toooooooo but gfksjfksjfjsjfjjd BYE#alison speaks?#probably to delete#OHHHH and the idea that their members are upset about them dating too i just!!!!!!!!😤😤😤😤
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Before I knew I was bisexual I was just insanely dramatic and weird around guys I liked. I had a crush on this guy in my ward - he was older than me, he played bagpipes and had a cheerful dog and an old Volkswagen bus that he worked on all the time. He also had nice scruff and unnaturally attractive hands and a good sense of humor, so I was like FULLY smitten.
I talked about him a lot and about how he was just so dang COOL, dang it, because he was so frickin’ cool. And I really liked him. I thought he was funny and smart and interesting and cool and fascinating and a bunch of other weird feelings I barely had the attention span to think about (I think my ADHD may have prevented me from coming out for a while tbh).
One day, I’m like 14-15, his dad is called to be my Sunday School teacher. His dad is this ex-military hardass with a chip on his shoulder for absolutely no reason and unattainable standards for his children. He spent most of Sunday School talking shit about his eldest boy and how he was rebellious and didn’t listen to him and how that was going to make him a bad adult and a bad son forever. How his son was too lazy and unmotivated to be successful because he didn’t listen to his advice on how to read the scriptures. He complained about how our generation was too weak to do things right and that our generation would surely be the one that brought the world’s downfall because of our laziness and sin.
And like, first of all, that guy can already go fuck himself for that. To clarify, that’s already stupid. BUT. He was talking about the man I had uncomfortable dreams about at least once a month. I couldn’t stand it. I’d get so mad I’d go home shaking sometimes because how fucking DARE he insult his hardworking stunning son by calling him lazy? For not reading the Bible the way his dad wants? When he’s already spending his time learning bagpipes? And fixing cars? And being cool? And cute? Who the fuck even cares if he uses the footnotes in the Book of Mormon? Who gives a rotten rat’s ass if he doesn’t use the scripture study manual his dad uses? He’s so cool he doesn��t even need it? So fuck off?
And eventually I got fucking Sick Of It and decided to mutiny. And by mutiny, I mean skip class. I’d just not go. And after a bit, adults started noticing and bugging me about it. At first, this was put off by small talk and excuses, but as my absence from Sunday School became more well-known, my excuses began to be rejected.
“Oh, Lizard, why aren’t you in class?” Uhm idk because my Sunday School teacher is mean to his kid and that makes me so mad wtf do you want from me? 🫠🤔
“Where’s your class, I’ll go with you!” Oh no ty I’d rather peel my own eyes than have my taste in men critiqued tyty 🩷
“Lizard, you should go to class, I’m sure they miss you!” And I miss the innocent days where my stomach didn’t hurt when a cool boy I knew was being belittled but unfortunately for us both those days are LONG gone and all that’s left is a budding psychosexual clusterfuck that will render me almost fully incapable of functioning for the better part of a decade so Bye Bye, sister Smith 🙂↕️
It had gotten to the point that ward leadership was involved. I was being approached by members of the Young Men’s presidency and the Bishopric to try and make me to back to class. They were telling me God had told them to find me and instruct me on my rebelliousness. This is where I implemented my secret weapon - women. Mormons are weird as hell about a lot of things, but especially about women. And I was GREAT with women. So to combat the leadership’s attention, I started helping women.
Our ward had a lot of new moms with babies who were, as babies tend to be, fussy. But for Mormon women the church is often their only social outlet, so they try to power through as long as they can even if it means enduring the exhausting ordeal of taking care of a fussy baby at church.
For what it’s worth, I have a lot of sway with babies. I got baby street cred. Me and babies have a rapport. I have always known this. I have always loved this. And in this crucial gay time in my faggot life my baby mind powers came in clutch - Every time I saw a member of the bishopric getting close, or a young men’s leader giving me side-eye, I’d start walking slowly towards class, passing by relief society. I’d wait until a mom’s baby had gotten too fussy and needed to leave the room, and I’d swoop in like a knight. “Oh, don’t you worry sister, I’ll bounce him a bit. You go back and hang out with your friends in class. You deserve a break.”
If it was a diaper change or something they’d tell me no. But if it was just some good old-fashioned baby fusses, I mean, they’d be moved almost to tears. They just got their social time back AND a free babysitter who is renowned as the Baby Whisperer. And because I was holding a baby as a favor for someone else, I of course could not reasonably be bothered to return to class.
So just like that, I was out of everyone’s sights. This went on for about a month before the straw that broke the camel’s back, which was that without my class participation the classes were quiet and awkward. I’d often take the brunt of Sunday school lectures by answering questions impulsively and over explaining myself enough that the clock could run out without anyone needing to do or say much. My absence meant everyone else was getting hit with the full unpleasantness of this guy’s bullshit. And so slowly, one-by-one, I had a group of about 8 kids on baby-holding duty. These new moms were so overjoyed, they and their husbands were both so actively in our corner that now chastising us was untenable. Now we had bargaining power. So the Bishopric approached us, confused beyond confused and uncomfortable beyond uncomfortable, and said,
“What’s it gonna take to get you back to class?”
The POWER I possessed in that moment was addictive. By being kind to the women of the ward and ignoring the Mormon de facto Rule of Law of following rules en-masse so the rule breakers feel left out, there were now so many people breaking ranks that we had effectively enacted a church boy labor strike. And they crumbled so fast it was almost like we had swayed God himself to our cause.
“I want brother assholedad gone. He sucks at teaching.”
I didn’t even have to say it. One of my rebels said it for me. I just nodded sagely and said “Yes, his class is not edifying. It’s better to not go and hold babies.”
And just like that, with a snap of my limp-wristed, Christ-wounding, bottom-brained fingers my faggot will was enacted. God’s revelation that brother shitdad was his chosen Sunday school teacher flipped on a dime. Suddenly brother shitdad was asked to be an usher and the fun dad of another one of my crushes was called in to teach us. I still stayed to hold babies a lot, but the rest of the class returned and all was well again.
Although I didn’t recognize it then, I think that was a formative moment for me in a lot of ways. I learned that being really persistently annoying will get me what I want from authority eventually. I learned that God’s will can be swayed by going in strike. I learned that ignoring men’s made up authority forces them to level with you as a person. I learned that caring for women, especially vulnerable women, can make a whole world happier. I learned that letting women rest can help them feel more love for the things that matter in their life. I learned that social bonds make everyone stronger and happier. And I learned that loving others in a gay way can change the world.
Be gayer. Read Terry Pratchett. I love y’all 💕
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~ ~ ~
#everything feels so fucking hollow right now#reblogging sexy shit to my side blog because it’s something to do but tbh even looking at that stuff is kinda making me feel sick right now#cause I used to think about one specific person when I’d look at/reblog that stuff but now they made me feel like they were just lying to me#the whole time we’ve been talking. so now its like what the fuck is the point to any of this. I’m so tired of trying just to get fucked over#again and again. I’m so tired of trying so hard just to get shattered#I needed this to be real. I needed this to mean something. I needed them to be the last one I ever had to try with again. I needed this to#be the relationship that lasts and goes the distance and keeps me happy. I needed this not to be another fucking lesson. but guess what I#got anyway! seems to be how it goes with my life all the time lately. I find someone and it feels like things are going good and it’s the#right fit and then I just get fucked over and devastated all over again#just want this shit to stop and the pain to end but I can’t fucking do anything to fix that problem myself#I always say I give up but this time it really is the end of my fucking rope and I’m done. gonna devote my life to helping animals and#my community or some shit cause I’m not good for anything else anyway. At least I can make others happy in some way. At least I can help#animals to have a good and loving home since they’ll appreciate the efforts I put in for them#now to figure out how to combat the loneliness that’s going to come with this decision… for the rest of my life#that’s the hardest part really. just dealing with being so damn alone all the time and never having companionship in any real sense#but you know we move forward I suppose. don’t have any other choice but to do that so here we go#I had my little breakdown in the grocery store parking lot while waiting for my groceries so I guess I’m fine now anyway#personal
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Well I WASN’T thinking about today being father’s day and it WASN’T hard on me until she texted to remind me 🙃
#this is one of those things that’s so hard to navigate because like…i KNOW people are being well meaning when they do this shit#but for me it just makes it harder#it’s hard enough dealing with grief without having to ALSO interact with other people#& mask & respond to them in ways that make them feel good rather than make them think I’m rude or ungrateful#which is SUCH a hard thing for me to do & takes SO much energy & effort#and when I’m sad is the worst possible time to be having to do that#but no one gets it#ALSO: why do christians always assume talking about god & praying for people is comforting?#i don’t believe in your religion. and in fact I strongly dislike your god#like. i think he probably DOES exist along with hundreds of other deities. but i dont think he’s the creator#and i don’t think he’s a good guy. i think he does more harm than good & i don’t want him in my space#i dont fuck with deities in general tbh. even the ones i like. just not my vibe#but im going off on a tangent now lol. but yeah anyway. not comforting.#and im so sick of christian beliefs being the norm & the rest of us being expected to be fine with it#even when it’s around things that are CLEARLY supposed to be centered around us#like for example why did they do a bible reading at my grandma’s funeral even tho we told them we’re not religious?#anyway.#i’m just so over this shit#too tired to deal with it#beth posts
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This was me this morning despite the pain rndjr anyway still really sick and my core(?) is so sore from all the body wracking coughs!! Still coughing like that, still nauseous and struggling to eat and coughing till I wanna puke BUT I can sit up longer!!! Yay!!!
Also my order from mokapuff is coming today? So fast! I’ll make another post to show you all my new earrings hehe 🥰
#nimo’s sheeko sheeko time#gonna drag myself downstairs to eat#btw hooyo got my sickness despite me hardly being around her 😭 may Allah SWT heal her soon!!!#still listening to NSP but I skipped an episode by accident???#so I had to go back#TBH APPLE PODCASTS IS SO SHIT!!! i miss podcast addict!!!#what is this L behaviour-! do apple users not like podcasts bc huh….#apple podcasts fucked my order up#meanwhile podcast addict never did that AND let me see the episode art#which made it easier to know where I was!#I am having trouble with apple but is it bc I have clumsy fat fingers…my old phone was bigger#but I dont thing flip4 was all that bigger and I didnt have that issue….#I’m so ayaayo coded
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Had a dream last night that the cops put some guy who’d been accused of similar charges in the same cell as Luigi in an attempt to trick him into confessing and it worked :(
#i’m so worried about luigi mangione it’s not even funny#just constantly worried that the cops are either going to kill him or pin shit on him that he didn’t do (and i’m not even convinced that he#did the shooting tbh) or try to get a non-jury trial so that jury nullification won’t be possible#also worried that the jury members will say dumb shit and get themselves disqualified so that he’ll be up against people#who’ll never find him innocent#anyway so in my dream they’d shoved this informant in the same cell as him#and luigi was basically showing him how he’d managed to get that 10k in cash by scamming people over the phone using a voice changer#people were writing tons of fanfic about these two though because i mean… obviously they would#the whole dream was just a classic anxiety dream overall#i dreamed i’d forgotten my own age and was trying to calculate it but the numbers kept changing every time#i ended up being convinced i was 26 and then 57 and then i had a full blown crisis about having wasted my life#woke up like wtf. i’m clearly 28#also dreamt i was back at school and they’d opened up a pharmacy on campus and i tried to pick up my prescription from there#and it was SO crowded and chaotic it was like the last days of rome#i blame benji for being sick all night and scaring me#he’s fine now. he’s acting like he didn’t keep me awake until 3am#personal
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