#I'm building a website and doing my own theming and everything

[pocket-size-cthulhu]

For someone who's been told all their life that they're ✨ so artistic ✨, I sure am bad with colors

[nocturnalazure]

Non-sims interests

I wasn't tagged but I feel like yapping so... here you go!

Many of my interests have sub-interests because when I'm obsessed... well, I'm obsessed. ;)

Japan

This is a big one. When I was around 13, I got interested in Japanese language and culture through reading manga. I went to Japan for the first time when I was 17, and I've been returning there about every 5 to 6 year. Most of my Japanese language skills are self-taught, although I did take evening courses every now and then. I'm far from being fluent, but I can get by in basic conversations. I've read countless books on Japan, and I have a degree on Asian culture. I'm often identified at the "Japan expert" everywhere I go, and I'm frequently asked for traveling tips.

Sub-interest was manga and anime of course. It used to be a huge interest of mine when I was younger. It wasn't that common in the 90's/early 2000's and I was so obsessed that I had read almost everything that was published at the time. I had my favorites of course, which were sub-interests in themselves because I collected everything related to them. I had even started building a website (we're talking about 2001 here, if you wanted a website, you literally had to code it yourself). I also drew my own manga (*cringe*). And I met my husband on a manga/anime forum. :) Now, I only occasionally read manga or watch anime, but it's been a huge part of my life for a very long time and I can still obsess for months over an anime or a manga that I really enjoy.

I've always listened to a lot of Jmusic, particularly when I was a manga nerd, but even now. I listen to any genre as long as it's in Japanese: pop, rock, metal, funk, soul, reggae, rap, jazz, electro, traditional... I know obscure Japanese bands that even Japanese know nothing about. I can also sing in Japanese and karaoke is a sub-interest of mine. ;) I sometimes organize karaoke sessions with myself!

And then when my manga obsession was decreasing, I got into Jdramas (that was around 2008-2012). I watched more than a hundred of them, at a time when it was a lot less available than it is now. You had to actually download each episode on malware-ridden websites. Even if I don't watch as many dramas as I did at the time, I still know many Japanese actors. :)

Reading

I'm on GoodReads and The Story Graph so I can keep up with my library (I love stats and lists!). I've tried to list all the books I've ever read, and without counting manga or comics, it reaches more than a thousand (70% English - 30% French). My average for the past 5 years is 80 books per year, of which 20% are comics/manga/graphic novels. My favorite genre is fantasy, followed closely by historical novels, romance and sci-fi. I read about 15-20% non-fiction (psychology, history, sociology, feminism, biographies/memoirs, essays,...). I love anything set anywhere in the world between the 1800s and 1930. Regency and Victorian eras, as well as the Meiji period in Japan, are sub-interests of mine.

Another sub-interest I've developed is analyzing plot and character development, what works and what doesn't. Also: the different themes and sensitivities in different cultures. I find it fascinating, and of course since writing is a sub-interest of mine, I do try to get some tips for myself.

Dogs

I never do things in halves, so when my husband and I decided to adopt a dog, I went all in. I started reading about dog breeds, about how to take care of a dog, how to train them and the kind of food they can eat. Now I can't see a dog and not go 'awww'. If there's a dog in the room, you'll find me right next to it, trying to make friends.

Sustainable Lifestyle

I've bought my groceries from organic shops for more than 15 years. I've always loved good food, made with quality products, so combined with my interest for environment, that was an obvious choice for me. I cook myself just about every single meal. I like to make it nutritious, balanced and healthy, and I use tons of fresh herbs and spices. I'm careful about what I buy, so that there is no waste and so that I buy at a fair price from a local producer preferably.

My cosmetics are entirely natural and for the minor injuries and diseases, I use natural solutions as much as I can. I know quite a bit about essential oils, aloe vera and the like. ;) I've tested a lot of different products before I could identify those I liked best, so I know many organic cosmetic brands. I also clean my house with products that are both biodegradable and environment-friendly.

I love fashion and decoration, but I've drastically cut my shopping expenses for the past 10 years. I've been very careful about what I buy, trying instead to find the one quality piece that matches best with the rest of my clothes or with my general style. I've spent a lot of time analyzing my closet to identify the colors that most suit my skin tone and how to match outfits in the best way. If I have to buy something, I try to buy it second hand if I can. Having less clothes and a consistent style seems to pay off, because it takes me less time to get dressed in the morning and I often get compliments. :)

Food

As explained above, I love good, homemade food, but I also love going to the restaurant. My cooking is simple and unsophisticated, so I really enjoy ordering stuff that I could never do myself. I'm curious about new experiences, I can try just about anything: roasted grasshoppers, natto, pig's ear or even cow's teat. I've been lucky enough to go to very fancy restaurants (unlike Erik, I'm quite comfortable with menus ;)) and it's always a pleasure for my taste buds. My friends know I'm a food buff and I'm often asked for restaurant recommendations or to explain an ingredient.

[dandyghest]

WHAT IS DEADWOOD LODGE?

Deadwood Lodge is:

🎨 an ongoing multimedia passion project by yours truly!

🌲 a cluster of cabins in the woods where misfits and other "monsters" can find refuge and community in !

📖 a worldbuild with two realms to explore: our every day earth with a couple of extra ingredients, and the fae realm filled with 37 (technically 39) fae Courts with their own individual cultures, religions, and politics !

THE PROJECT: A storytelling project and creative endeavour that began in late 2019 to try my hand at every available conceivable method of sharing stories and art. Music, video, photography, drawing, paper mache, writing, collage, website coding, animation, ambient audio - anything goes! Though it was shared in the form of a serial zine in the past, my current plan is to house everything on a website once I have that set up :o] In the meantime, everything is scattered across journals, sketchbooks, computer files, various paper mache masks, and one wall collage... and also some posts online that you can find tagged as "deadwood lodge"!

THE LODGE: Tucked away in a pocket in the deep woods, Deadwood Lodge is a camp with five main lodging cabins along with a mess/main hall, an activity cabin, a yurt, a bathroom building with full amenities, and a medical building. If you enjoy swimming or other lake activities, you can take a 1-2 minute walk down the path beside the activity cabin (where kayaks, canoes, and life jackets are available). Various (wheelchair accessible) hiking trails are available (in a labyrinthine pattern in the surrounding woods), as well as a nearby field for sports and other activities. In the evening the campfire is a popular hangout spot for many lodgers.

The five cabins are all named after major organs within the (human) body: Brain, Vagus, Lung, Heart, Stomach. Each cabin has its own overarching theme that highlights one aspect of the lodgers' individual selves within each cabin. Lodgers choose which cabin they'd like to stay in and may move cabins as often as they'd like. People grow and change and friendships wax and wane, so the living situation of course may reflect that!

THE WORLDBUILD: This could all easily take place in our own world, if you're willing to suspend a little bit of disbelief! The worldbuild mainly takes place on our regular ol' earth. The only (potentially) added bits are easily explained by the presence of a separate realm: the fae realm! Doors may open between the two realms (earth and fae), but fae generally regard humans as odd pests and thus don't have much interest in interfering with us at all.

WAIT HANG ON, FAE REALM?: Yes, the fae realm! Complete with accidentally-sentient automata!

There are 37 (technically 39) fae Courts that a fae could belong to, and each Court has its own culture, religion, magic, and politics. One thing that unites all fae though - they cannot lie (99.9999% of the time) and they love human stories as a result. Stories function as a currency between Courts and are highly sought after for status and power.

Also the fae realm is extremely hard to escape from. This is fine unless you want to leave.

SO IF FAE ARE REAL, WHAT ELSE IS REAL?: Ghosts! Wandering whisps! Black shucks! Monsters of all kinds! Sentient dolls and automata! Magic! There's also a brand new pantheon of deities to fill the fae realm! Vampires exist, too, and they can overlap with fae (Bramwell is proof of this), but the magic reacts in odd ways when this happens.

ANY LAST PITCHES?: Ummm ... Which buzzwords to choose.... Nope, actually I'm not doing that :o)

All I can give you is the concept of the existence of Millie, the weird little dead girl who antagonizes Bramwell daily and loves to get into things she knows are off-limits for good reason (such as fae magic + politics). Also Wardell, the human man who was coerced into fae servitude and now wanders alone while fulfilling his duties as a black dog shapeshifter, until he stumbles across an starry-eyed fae that he cannot seem to shake off his tail.

[kristinagehrmann]

Art portfolio website advice!

What are your favorite tips you would give to someone building their illustration portfolio website? 🔥 My website is www.kristinagehrmann.com and here are some of my tips:

1. SHOW YOUR WORK IMMEDIATELY

Online marketing experts already knew this 20+ years ago: the more clicks someone has to do to get to the sauce, the lower your conversion rate (or the sooner they give up, or whatever you want to call it).

Assume that we all have the attention span of a goldfish, and you might have minimal time to capture your audience's attention. You want to wow people with your artwork right away. I currently do this with my main category of (mostly) fantasy art, which is the one I'm most interested in finding new work in - it is the homepage of my website. No clicks needed to get there!

2. SORT BY MARKET, NOT MEDIUM

I often see young illustrators arranging their website in categories like "traditional" and "digital". But for the most part, our clients don't care what we draw with. Instead they're asking: "Does the art suit my product/projects?"

Therefore it's best to think from the perspective of the industry (industries) or market(s) you want to target. Categorise your art what it's used for, or what niche of the market it looks like.

For example, you might do childrens' book illustration but also have artwork (that looks like it's) for the middle grade or YA publication market. Then it makes sense to arrange your portfolio in these 2 categories. Of course you can just focus on one single thing - some of the best illustrators do only one thing. Either way is fine!

(If you have no idea yet what you really want to do, research and explore what is out there and think about where your art could fit in, but that's a whole journey and a topic for another day)

I currently use 3 categories: History (for my history-themed work for publishing, boardgames and museums), Kids/YA for everything for a younger audience (not much in there yet, more to come), and Main (for everything else, mostly fantasy themed stuff). All these are categories I love to work in, and where I want to be hired to do more similar things.

3. BE EASY TO CONTACT

Notice something in all these screenshots? My email address is on every page! And no, I don't have serious spam issues - on average I get about 1-5 spam emails per day, but I think that's a small price to pay for my dream job.

Don't be stingy with your email -- make it un-missable for your clients. 99% of all art directors prefer email.

Contact forms can exist alongside, but clients don't like them very much because there is no record of the message they sent, and in some cases they just plain don't work.

4. RIGHT CLICK & SAVE

This one might be controversial, but since thieves will steal our images anyway if they want to (anyone can do a screenshot, and right-click and save is easy enough on social media), and we need to post everywhere anyways, we might as well make images on our websites saveable.

On Muddycolors an art director talks about preferring to do just that in order to keep track of artists for future projects.

From the preview images on my website you can right click and save (not the larger ones - that's where Portfoliobox, my website builder has its limits). Have your name somewhere in the images too, so your dream client can easily identify them as yours. Having your name in the filename might be a good idea too (I should probably get started on that).

I hope this was helpful. Feel free to share your own website tips. ❤️ Or fight me! 😂

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

'You're reading too much into ATSV.'

[aka meta analysis is good for the soul]

I often get told on this blog that I'm reading too much into plots or scenes or things in general.

And honestly, fair point. I do the most.

And as a writer, I will say that I do it out of pure respect.

[actual photo of me reading the script and going for my 'reading too hard at ATSV notebook']

Movies take years to write.

People spend months of their lives genuinely toiling over these characters, often times creating more work than what can ever be reasonably used. Months of revisions and scraping work.

For weeks, about a dozen people probably went to sleep dreaming or thinking up what Hobie would wear, what Gwen would say, what emotional cues Jess will have.

A lot of people dedicated years of their lives and creative labor into that story.

To me, it isn't at all bizarre to take an hour out of my day to sit and consider the story they spend a lot of time trying to tell.

Compared to the labor they have given me, multiple 40+ hour work weeks for years - an hour or two is literally nothing lol

It's literally the least I can do.

As a writer, I feel like its only right to sit back and look deeper into a story.

To analyze the writer's intentions, or examine their storytelling tactics and abilities.

We are taught to consume media so quickly and rapidly that to offer time to critically analyze a piece of work is considered bizarre, too much work, or pointless.

As if there's nothing to read into. Or as if speculation and meta analysis is helpful to no one.

If someone spends five hours drawing fanart that is accepted. If someone spends two hours writing fanfic, this is expectable behavior.

But I spend the same amount of time to look deeper into the work of the writers, and often times I'm met with surprise or treated as if I'm overly uptight.

It's like snickering at a person who asked there was deeper meaning behind a painting. While standing in an art gallery.

When streaming shows drop all in one day, it becomes about the Easter eggs and watching it as fast as possible as not to be spoiled.

Then at the end of it, you wash your hands of it and wait for the next big release.

People spend years, decades of their writing career trying to write realistic characters with layered motives. Or stories with complex themes.

Comic Book and Screenwriters included.

I myself try very very hard to do so - to provide foreshadowing, and emotional insight into the characters, their motives, their faults.

If I heard someone say that the piece is not worth looking that far into, all the work I've done as a writer gets overlooked.

Writers cannot grow if people are consuming their media without caring enough to look critically at it as the work of a storyteller.

So yes, I'm looking too far into it. Cause writers can write that far into it. And that deserves to be examined, acknowledged, and praised.

To assume less is too assume lesser of the writers who put everything into the media you enjoy.

This year of all years, we should be appreciating the work Screenwriters put in.

I guess what I'm trying to say is - I'm not being an asshole (well, not trying to be).

I'm looking at writers as vital parts of a movies production. Because they are.

We look deeply at the art style, or the animation, or the music. Writers are not shadow figures. They're people with careers. And them and their work deserve to be spoken about and acknowledged as a work of effort just the same as CGI artists or editors, or directors.

I implore you - Read more into it.

If you're a writer yourself, doubly so.

Read FAR into it. Build your analyzation skills, come to your own conclusions. Break the story down every which way and look at the characters from every angle.

It's fun, it's free, it makes the characters so much more real.

So many people on this website hope to one day become published writers. One thing they do to help you achieve that in college, is by racing things like scripts, and looking critically.

Meta analysis is good for you as much as it is the writers.

If you don't think you're cut out for it, or would have nothing to add, still try. Not for the brownie points, but to feel closer to the characters and the story.

If you've seen ATSV (or any Fandom media) and haven't ever really sat and thought about it - everyone's moral stances, why they want what they want, why they've made the mistakes they've had, where you stand on it all - I highly recommend it.

You might come away with some surprising conclusions about characters or even yourself.

Think about your favorite characters, and what might happen to them in the next movie.

There's really nothing wrong with reading that far into it.

Fifteen minutes of thinking, or an hour of writing is nothing compared to the months of work that went into this absolute masterpiece.

Trust me, the first time you catch some shit that makes you go

ITS LIKE A HIGH I TELL YOU.

Touch grass? Nah bro, touch your local library card. Go there right now. Take out this book.

There's gonna be a discussion tomorrow in class.

If you read this far heyhello I think you're rad as hell.

Here's a Hobie for the road because he's a great companion.

Bye.

[fishnapple]

Where do you tend to self-teach yourself and interpret astrology aspects? Any books, websites, blogs, video essays, etc. that got you interested or definitely recommend? Since there's so many possible aspects under the sky, I might as well try teaching myself & trust my most educated guess on the more obscure aspects of my chart like those touching the MC, North Node, etc. 🤔

This is a hard question because there's no definite source that I learnt from. I learnt astrology from books, forums, websites, and most importantly, from observing people and their interactions. It's quite random and not very systematic because, huge disclaimer: 🌱I'm a casual learner🌱.

I approach learning astrology like buying Lego. I would learn the basic blocks like signs, houses, planets, the archetypes and mythologies associated with them (this is important), just like buying a Lego classic set to build everything from there, rather than buying a themed Lego set to build only a specific thing. Of course, there were many times when I got curious about a specific placement, then I would just search the internet and read about it in many sources as much as possible (preferably in forums where people discuss about it and share their experience, also the site cafeastrology has a nice way of organise things that I like). But as long as you know the basic concept, combine with your own experience and observation, you can build from there.

I prefer the use of derivative astrology when it comes to aspects. For example, the Trine aspect can be casually called the 5-9 aspect where sign/planet A is 5th from sign/planet B, embodies the 5H characteristics (bringing fun, expression) and vice versa, sign/planet B is 9th from sign/planet A, embodies the 9H characteristics (bringing expansion, inspiration), you usually hear the Trine is a harmonious aspect, but exactly why and how it's harmonious can be explained this way. This approach can help you understand the signs and aspects logically as a whole, through the interconnection between them.

For books, I mostly read old books that are quite pop and mainstream 😆, but I suppose they're mainstream for a reason, because they do contain valuable information, presented in an entertaining way for an enjoyable read.

The first astrology books that I got my hand on were Sun sign and Love sign by Linda Goodman, even though the books are old and contain many problematic views (mostly about politic and gender stereotypes), they can provide some basic understanding of the houses, signs and aspects.

I also read books by Liz Greene, I like her approach of astrology from a psychological viewpoint.

My most recent read was the Sextrology book by Stella Starky + Quinn Cox, the way they analyse each sign through the lens of mythology archetype is worth learning from.

Currently, I'm reading Astrology in modern language by Richard Vaughan.

I hope that was helpful and you will be able to find your own rhythm in learning astrology.

[future-dregs]

Spnkinktober Day 21 - Knives

Written for @spnkinkevents

I'm very late to it, but I wanted to finish out my chosen prompts.

Wincest ♡ Blood ♡ Role-play ♡ Sam's serial killer kink ♡ Bottom Sam ♡ Word Count: 3,683

Good Golly, Miss Molly!

The sign reads Jolly Molly's B & B.

Very cute.

Saccharin, even, were it not for the knife gouging it's way through the ampersand, painted blood flecking the lace trimmed blue letters.

Dean can feel Sam's eyes on him before they've even passed it.

"No."

"Dean-"

"No, Sam. I do not want spend my night in some nutjob's idea of a theme joint, drowning in quilts, and having to listen to some sadsack creep around at "the witching hour" to try and convince me, that the place is haunted. No thanks!"

"But it won't be like that!"

"Oh yeah? And how do you know, huh? Cause every time we stop at one a these, that's what happens."

Sam hand inches over and tugs on the steering wheel. "Its this next exit."

Dean smacks him. "Don't touch my Baby's wheel while I'm driving. That's gross."

Sam shrugs and pulls out his phone, nonplussed. "It's coming up, don't miss it."

"I know how to drive, Sam!"

"Just saying."

"Well. It's insulting."

Sam doesn't respond, and Dean glances over. He's got his wallet open and is flicking through I.Ds, thumb hovering over his screen.

" Now what are you doing?"

"Booking us a room."

He looks up. "They only go up to one king per room, no double queens. Do you want your own, or are you going to be my boyfriend this time?"

Sam likes doing that, now that they were getting older. Going someplace where nobody knew them and loving up on Dean in public. Calling him pet names and kissing him whenever he felt like doing it. Walking around with his chin on his shoulder and his hand in his pocket.

There was always a rush to sneaking around, flirting with the taboo nature of it all, trying to keep their voices down and their hands to themselves just enough that they didn't get run off, and they were so used to that, having to be that way , but being a visible couple was nice, too.

Plus you usually can get some complimentary booze or dessert if you play it up enough.

"Do they have any anniversary specials?"

---

Dusk is settling heavy when they pull in. The Impala grumbling pleasantly to herself as they crunch to a stop in the gravel parking lot.

The place isn't anything like Dean had been expecting. It's not like the usual true crime tourist trap at all.

Instead of a grandmother's two story with lace curtains and flower boxes, it's a long, low, log building with small windows and heavy doors.

It doesn't look suspicious, unless you know the history.

Or if you have experience with these types of things.

"Huh." Dean says. "I thought it'd be more-" he waves his hand around. "-kitsch."

"Right?! They did a great job preserving it. This is the actual place where Moll Johnston 'Jolly Molly'" and here Sam actually huffs a little laugh, mouth quirking up. "This is where she found and kept her victims. The whole place is her kill room!"

"Well when you put it like that, who wouldn't want to sleep here?"

Sam is either ignoring him or just not listening.

"I wonder if they let you go down to the cellar? It didn't say on the website."

"You gonna ask?"

"Damn right I'm gonna ask. That's where all the good stuff happened."

"Good stuff? Sam. She murdered people."

Sam just shrugs Dean's statement off, a little grin tugging happily at his mouth, making his cheeks dimple and Dean forgets everything he was saying.

He darts in for a kiss but Sam is already exiting the car and he just gets a sideswipe of shoulder and the seam of his shirt, making Sam laugh out loud, bright and genuine.

"Down, boy. Wait until we get to our room at least."

Dean has to trot to catch up. "And have you getting all distracted and forgetting about me? No thanks."

"Well." Sam says. "I guess you'll just have to find a way to, ah, refocus my attention."

And he heads in, leaving Dean to plot. There will be some sort of retaliation coming, the only question is if it will be fun, or if Dean will choose to be annoying about it.

Either way, he's got plenty to occupy himself with until then.

Sam checks them in, trying to play it cool and work his way up to the big question as he asks about checkout times and amenities, but the desk clerk has obviously been through this many times before, and they state flat out that there are certain doors that are locked, and should remain locked and are not available to guests.

"Seems strange." Dean pips up, bland but challenging. "Woulda thought there'd be at least one place here that'd for sure be your big ticket item. How come you're not showin' that off?"

"Theft. Sir. And other, unsavory practices. So if you would kindly stay to your guest designated areas-"

"Sure thing." Dean snaps up the key and hooks his first two fingers in Sam's front pocket, tugging him along.

"You've got to get me in there." Sam hisses, as they walk up the stairs to their room.

"Alright, y'little gorehound, alright. Quit whinin'."

Sam makes a face at that, disapproving of the term, but he accepts it, and is mollified.

The room isnt as bad as Dean had feared.

There are quilts, and the windows are hung with dusty lace. But, on the whole, it's much more reserved than the typical standard for places like this.

However-

"The fuck is this, Sam?"

Dean's plucking distastefully at a dark knitted swathe draped over a wooden dressmaker's model.

It's set in the middle of the room, dominating the space, and its definitely...

Something.

"Ooh okay! THAT was her kill shawl, she wore it to keep the blood off her clothes. In case she was interrupted by a new guest. It's just a replica though." He says, twisting the fibers between his fingers. "This is new material."

He sounds disappointed. "There's probably one in every room."

"Well its not like they're going to put the genuine article out where just anybody can mess with it. Some yahoo would've stolen it by now, you heard what the guy said."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Hey? Sammy?"

Dean comes up behind him, hands under his shirt, slipping over his belly and hips, following the triangular slant of muscle down past his briefs. His mouth is hot against the cloth, biting at the flat between his shoulders.

"Y'wanna get distracted?"

Sam turns in his arms. "You just can't wait, can you?"

"Nuh uh. I did. We're in our room."

He can get at Sam's neck now, licking out the hollow of his throat.

"And dont act like you're not just as bad."

Sam whimpers and crushes Dean's mouth against his throat, hand on the back of his skull. Dean shoves them back toward the bed, and as they fall, Sam twists so that Dean is under him, grinding their hips together and sucking on his mouth.

He stretches Dean's arms above him, taking one and placing his hand on the back of his neck, wanting Dean to grip him, grab him, take the hint and pull his hair. He keeps it long for a reason after all, and what he likes during sex is not disconnected from that.

When he does, Sam arches into him, fingers clawing at the fabric between them, trying to get them down to skin.

Dean's eyes are blown wide and dark, his lips the red and white of a crushed strawberry, bleeding at the edges. His voice a low rumble that makes Sam's toes curl.

"Now who can't wait? Go get yourself cleaned up and ready. I'm gonna grab a few things from the car."

"Aw but Dean-"

Sam's half gone already. Nobody can get to him as quickly as Dean can, turning him stupid with lust, a mewling wreck of desire. He wants Dean and he wants him immediate and dirty. What's this "cleaned up" nonsense? He smells like the road and they both love it, and he's barely eaten since the last time they had sex. He's ready to go! And Dean's cock in his stomach would say that he's ready too but...

"I know. And you know I just love to stretch you open, knuckle deep, licking you sloppy wet. But this time I want you to do it. I want you aching, waiting for me."

Dean kisses him. Deep and slow. Melting Sam from the inside out.

"Okay?"

Sam looks dazed and starving, diving for another kiss, running out of air, before he answers.

"Okay."

All Dean's talk fades away however, as he grabs Sam's ass and janks him back for another liquid hot kiss when he tries to get up, leaving the tangle of their embrace only to be drug back in before they can finally force themselves to break away.

Sam strips off as he goes and Dean slams to a stop halfway out of the room, eyes eating him up even after Sam closes the door, devouring his after image.

He steps into the shower, having to crouch awkwardly to get his body mostly under the spray. Sam soaps and rinses with no nonsense efficiency, then gets down to the main event of stretching himself open while he still has hot water. You never can tell how long it's going to last in places like these and plus, Sam wants to get fucked. He doesn't have time to waste.

The small bottle of complimentary conditioner is used to the fullest as Sam's long fingers spread his hole, reaching for that place of preperation and pleasure. He stops before he goes too far. He wants to be tight. He wants Dean to have to push and work and fuck him. Dean's gotten soft in his recent age, he's too careful. For Sam's liking, at least.

Sam wants to feel it. He wants to ache for days.

He steps out, dripping wet and half hard, fully expecting to see Dean waiting for him, but the room is empty.

The cloak is gone as well. Probably stuffed in one of the dressers on his way out.

No matter. Sam lays back on the bed and continues to finger himself, lazily twisting around. He'll just give Dean a good show when he comes in, penance for making him wait so long.

But the minutes pass, and he still doesn't show.

Sam's starting to get concerned now, and he quickly dresses, stuffing himself uncomfortably into jeans and pulling his shirt half buttoned over his head while trying to keep his mind from running away with increasingly crazy and violent ideas about what would've kept Dean from him and sex.

He checks the car, and with the front desk, and he's headed back to his room to get his phone, when there's a blur of movement at his right and a cloth band gets dropped over his eyes, pulled tight behind his head. A knife bites a warning into his throat. He freezes.

"Don't move. Be nice."

The hand holding the blindfold tightens in his hair and his brother's cupid lips brush the back of his ear as he asks, "Wanna play?"

All the tension and anxiety that had been growing inside of Sam releases, solidifies into a ball of lust, and drops straight to his groin.

"Please, no. What are you doing? What do mean?"

His voice shakes and he wonders who might see them, if anyone will come to help him, but they're in a curve, a blindspot in the hallway, and there's no one around.

The knife bobs as he swallows. Gulps, really.

But he taps Dean's knee, their signal in games like these. Sam's ready and willing, arching his back and shoving his ass into Dean's crotch.

The knife is removed for a moment, and there's a scratching, plastic sound, then Dean's breath becomes huffy. Muffled.

"Then you better walk, bitch."

Sam tries to glance back, angeling his head in an attempt to see from underneath the blindfold, but the flat of the knife presses into his cheek and jaw. Gently, but resolutely denying him, forcing his face back to the front.

"Did I say you could look back?" The hand in his hair wrenches, and Sam ducks and gasps reflexively. " Walk."

He's directed by the hair down and around and briefly outside, his cock achingly, uncomfortably hard by the time they go down, down, and Sam can feel the cool air chill his skin and the damp closed up must smell of underground fills his nose.

The hands leave his body momentarily, and he hears a lock sliding home.

His wrists are bound and stretched high above his head. The fine point of the knife traces a filigree pattern into the resulting exposed strip of skin.

Blood beads up, jewel-like and beautiful.

The blindfold is removed and he blinks, trying to adjust. The light is dim, but eventually its enough to see.

They've ended up in the off limits celler.

Glancing up shows that his wrists are hanging off of a very old hook, and a thrill shoots through him at the thought that he could possibly be strung up on one of the very hooks Molly had used, sharing the position and predicament of her victims.

There's a gleam in the low light. Dean's knife, hanging loose and easy between his fingers. He stands on his back foot.

Contemplative.

The dangling knife swings up, and Sam turns his head to follow. It nicks a four stroke heart into his cheekbone. Molly's calling card.

Sam's breath quickens. His eyes are wide.

Behind the mask, the voice sounds amused.

"Cute."

Sam knows its Dean, there's no hiding that. But the flat white plastic oval of a mask he's wearing, blank and empty save for two hollows for the eyes, is just distorting enough to be thrilling.

Especially since he's wearing nothing else but the kill shawl and an erection.

The knife trails down his cheek, kissing him cold, before it come to rest on his throat, reversed, with the blunt pressing against his jugular. He can count his pulse in the blade, and he knows Dean can flip it to the razored edge before either of them can blink.

He tries to keep the excitement out his voice, hoping it comes across as tremulous and shaken.

Judging by the way the mask dips down and to the side, Dean biting his lip to stay in character and not laugh, he's not sure he succeeds.

"P-please." Sam says. "Your knife is so big. I'll do anything you want, just dont hurt me."

Dean's other hand comes up, presses his thumb into the mark on Sam's cheek.

"But hurting you is what I want."

He swipes the gathered blood across Sam's lips.

"You look so pretty when you're cut up and bleeding."

"I'll do anything." Sam repeats. Trying to look voluptuous, enticing. Definitely feeling needy. "People say I look so cute on my knees."

He tries to hook a leg out, draw Dean closer to him, but Dean steps back and shoves the blade harder against his throat.

"Don't. That's not how this goes. You don't touch me. I'm going to do things to you, and you're going to do what I say, and ONLY what I say."

He cuts a deeper line into Sam's belly.

"Understand me? Now, undress. Make it look good. Get my cock leaking."

He unhooks Sam's hands. The strap still dangles from a wrist, but he now has motion.

Dean's knife comes up to rest on his collarbone.

"And if you try to call for help or run away? You'll be dead before your guts hit the ground."

He presses and drags, opening a thin seam of blood.

"Get to it."

Sam slowly unbuttons his shirt, gasping at the pull of each one as it comes undone. The sounds are perhaps a little overkill, but theres only so much you can do with a button-up.

He let's it fall halfway down his shoulders, and then shimmies it the rest of the way off.

"I'll need you to move your hand if I'm supposed to get the undershirt off."

The knife moves to the inner of his thigh and presses in there, riding the seam, tip pointed straight into the heat of his crotch.

Sam shudders. And he bucks up involuntarily against it.

It's a mistake and he knows it, but he couldn't control it. His hips were moving before he could think.

Dean grabs him by the hair and twists, viciously.

"What did I say? What did I just fuckin say? Huh? HUH?!"

"Ah, ahhh. Only-only do what you say."

Dean shoves him back.

"You don't listen. And bitches who dont listen get fucked up. That's why you did it-" he grabs Sam by the top of his hair and wrenches him down. "-isnt it?"

Sam's wrists are bound again. Behind him. Tighter. Dean takes that knife again and cuts all his clothes off. He makes no effort to temper his strokes, and Sam's covered in blood and shallow wounds by the time he's done.

He very nearly comes because of it.

Dean swaps the hunting knife for a small, fixed blade vein opener that he'd had waiting.

He taps Sam's mouth with his knuckle.

"Open."

Sam complies, mouth pink and pretty. His breath panting and hot.

Dean drags his thumb down the middle of Sam's tongue, over the points of his molars. The salt and dime taste of him floods Sam's senses.

"Gorgeous. Now-" he places the flat of the blade on Sam's tongue. "-you hold that real still, cause it'll cut that sugar mouth of yours all up if you're not careful."

Gingerly, Sam closes his mouth, tongue working delicately to keep the razored edge balanced. He doesn't dare swallow, a sure way to turn his gums and tongue to ribbons, so the saliva fills and spills over, drooling down his chin and off the knife's short handle.

Carefully, Dean grasps the handle. Pushing and pulling he mimes fucking Sam's mouth the blade, getting lost in the slide of it between his lips.

Blood joins the lines of saliva swinging between them.

Dean gets down to Sam's level, and the knife passes through his lips one last time before Dean wipes off on his hair and sets it aside.

"Give me lips." He taps the low center of the mask. "Kiss me."

Sam licks his own lips, painting them in his blood. He leans forward and presses a perfect, half open print against Dean's mouth. Or at least its mask's approximation.

He pulls slowly away.

"Should I kiss anything else?"

He's on his face in an instant, the distinct click of a lube cap being flicked open sounds behind him.

Dean covers his cock, and without any further preamble, shoves himself into Sam.

Hunting knife in hand he grabs Sam's hips and shoves him forward and back, opting to use his body like a cocksleeve.

Sam loves it.

The handle and fingergrips of the knife grind into the bone of his hip. There'll be a bruise there later and he can't wait to see it, surrounded by the crescent bites of Dean's blunt nail.

Dean's breath is going ragged behind the mask and Sam starts to talk. Incendiary words getting punched out of him, goading Dean faster and rougher.

Begging to be fucked, and used and torn apart.

Calling Dean his own, and a monster he wants to be cut up eaten by.

Telling him to use him like the whore they both know he is for his brother.

Dean comes, slashing hard across the side of Sam's right thigh. Blood spatters the floor, streaks free flowing rivulets down his leg. He'll probably need a stitch or two to comfortably close it up, but it's not deep enough to cause any true damage or need immediate attention.

He'll clot eventually.

Dean shoves the long handle of the knife into Sam's hole, cum dripping out around it, streaking his balls as he thrusts.

"I want you to cum on it, Sammy. Shove your ass back and ride it."

Sam does.

Or, does his best.

It's awkward.

Rising up on his knees he tries to thrust but its shallow and difficult. He can't brace himself properly or get any sort of a rhythm going.

Until Dean slaps a hand, dripping red from where he'd been milking the blood from Sam's thigh, across his chest and shoves, trapping Sam between the two pressures.

Sam whimpers, and crashes back, the hilt of the knife finally able to give him that satisfying scrape he needs, to send him careening, whited out, over the edge.

His cum streaks the floor, his chest and belly, the underside of Dean's forearm. Dean snatches the knife out of him and slices a shallow gash across the small of his back. The flash of pain twines perfectly with the pleasure winding up his spine and his body shocks it's way through another partial orgasm, wrenching every last bit out of him, bleeding his dick dry.

Dean janks the knot out of the cord, and Sam sags against him, hips still twitching and humping. He's covered in sweat and blood and cum, his hole gaping and dribbling. He tries to clench, to keep Dean inside of him, but he's worn out and his muscles just won't do it. It serves to only send another heady gush down his legs and to the floor.

Dean drops to his knees and sucks the remainder out, holding Sam up by the thighs as he quakes around him, shuddering against his face.

He stands, and rolls it in his mouth, before Sam opens his like a baby bird.

Begging.

Dean dribbles it in, swaps the rest of it with a kiss, and Sam gulps and sucks on his tongue until it's gone. Fucked out and content and utterly exhausted.

"Y'know you're right?"

Dean says.

"This place didn't turn out to be half bad."

[Ao3 link]

[joswriting]

•❅───✧❅ joswriting ❅✧

: ̗̀➛ writeblr intro

Hello there! My name is Jo (shocker!), I am in my 20s and I write stories and poems in my free time. I used to have a writing account on here many moons ago and I really miss the community, friendship and support of talking with other writers about our projects, so I am trying to rebuild what I've lost.

: ̗̀➛ about me

very interaction friendly. we're all just people on here (also please tag me in games forever)

science fiction! science fiction is my everything. it's whatever. I'm normal about it

themes I write about a lot include: death anxiety, internalized bigotry, general dissatisfaction and the complex and confusing nature of existence

scifi flavour wise i like doing weird time or multiverse stuff

I'm also queer (lesbian, aromantic, whatever), if that matters. This comes up a lot in my writing be it explicit or not.

I write in German and English

: ̗̀➛ my wips/projects

⸻ On the end of everything 🌠

An "essay" on how the multiverse died, those who noticed, and how they learned to live with their fates

[reblog tag] [posts tag] [wip intro]

⸻ Poetry 🗒️

I don't post my poetry on tumblr, instead I self host it here. I love writing poems I get such a kick out of it!

My favourite poem of mine atm is this one: Lines Out Of Context

⸻ Starship Lovelace 🚀

The Starship Lovelace is an Earth vessel far from home. The human crew mysteriously disappeared decades ago - now a small group of aliens has claimed the ship.

[posts + reblog tag]

A collection of half-assed short trips, I'm trying to build my own kind of space ship show here. It mostly serves as a way for me to keep writing and get ideas out of my head without much drafting or anything. I've got a pretty good vague plot for it in my head and I'm trying to do it justice with my newer, more thought out chapters. You can see all entries: here.

The stories are hosted on the space story collection pubnix/website Cosmic.Voyage, which i just know some of you would get a kick out of.

: ̗̀➛ inspiration

on the comedy side: the two Dirk Gently books, the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, the Red Dwarf novels and Doctor Who and the Krikkitmen in particular (British people are grim, I like it)

on the more serious side: Frankenstein (my favourite book everr), many Doctor Who hiatus novels but especially Dead Romance by Lawrence Miles, the works of H.G. Wells (love that guys scifi that just completely misses the mark but was properly scientifically researched for its own time) and, to an extent, Der Tod und andere Höhepunkte meines Lebens by Sebastian Niedlich, which is a book I remember liking a lot as a young-ish teen

generally I'm a huge fan of Doctor Who and Star Trek

I sometimes reblog posts about media i really like on here too so for more check out the tag: good media

So. The first thing I’d better do is invent my audience. I'll pretend there are thousands of you out there, and I'll pretend you're all just like me; young, smart, pretty, and sarcastic (NB I’m probably being ironic here, although I’m not really sure any more). Just so we’ve got some common ground, I'll pretend you were born sometime in the late 1940s… No, sod that. I'll pretend you were born on 15 August 1948. All of you.

Well, why not? If you’re going to invent an audience, why not invent one in your own image?

-- Dead Romance, First Notebook

[tigerkirby215]

New Unearthed Arcana, huhn?

Maybe I'll get active back on this website again, but I've been busy with a mix of studies and running my own campaign. Not to mention that given... everything that's been happening in League I'm not too keen on doing more LoL stuff and I don't have much else I want to build really. I like build crafting but without a real theme it's kinda dull and despite what some people may say I'm no min-maxer.

Anywho that UA https://www.dndbeyond.com/sources/dnd/ua/forgotten-realms-subclasses Just here to give my quick thoughts:

Bard is very cool conceptually. Feel like it needs refinement though.

Knowledge Domain is certainly much better. Not a fan of "Channel Divinity: just cast a spell fuckwit lmao." I preferred my Channel Divinity rework for Knowledge Domain that marked a target to give your allies advantage. Also not a fan of the capstone being "lmao free advantage for a minute fuck-ass."

Wow Purple Dragon Knight is actually a subclass… why is it Intelligence based? I'm genuinely confused why this subclass requires INT, especially when OG PDK was Charisma based.

Paladin totally isn't going to be multiclassed with Hexblade 🤪 Waaaay too much focus on the Charisma: the AC boosting ability honestly just shouldn't exist. It feels like WoTC thinks people are going to go armorless as a Paladin but the reality is people are just going to min-max with Hexblade.

Ranger is boring as shit I'm sorry.

Rogue feels like it wants to be a frontline fighter. Cool conceptually, just doesn't feel like a Rogue.

Sorcerer feels weird and unfocused. Why does the Spellfire damage increase to 3d6 but the temp healing only increases from a d4 to a d6?

Why are we buffing Bladesinger? Just… why are we buffing Bladesinger?

Anyways other than that https://www.enworld.org/threads/d-d-adds-two-new-books-to-2025-slate-including-new-eberron-book.710194/

Dragon Prewritten Adventures

Eberron Xanathar's Guide

and other stuff. Damn I wanna care but I also hate WoTC.

Anywho: if you want to find me I made a BlueSky account where I repost pictures of foxes and complain about Dead by Daylight https://bsky.app/profile/tigerkirby215.bsky.social

[seven-pillows]

hi woow i have a lego ask if u feel like answering one: which lego sets do u have and what are ur faves if any? and what other sets do u want to get besides the pegasus? the unicorn is soo cuute btw!!

hi yay thank you for giving me an opportunity to yap 😈 putting all this below the cut because i couldn't help myself. here are all the sets i own in the order i got them + my thoughts on them

1) 10281 Bonsai Tree

this was given to me for my birthday last year! i think this set has become an instant classic, it's such a nice looking display piece. i put it on the windowsill in my staircase which was very silly because when it gets knocked over, those loose studs go EVERYWHERE 😭

2) 31140 3-in-1 Magical Unicorn

this is my favourite set ever i love it so much! i impulse bought it in a bookshop one day because it has a seahorse and is rainbow, two of my favourite things. i've definitely gotten my money's worth with how many times i've built and rebuilt the different models. plus, on Rebrickable, there are so many custom models people have made out of these pieces! i've turned it into a rhino, a boat and a helicopter from other people's instructions. love that website.

fun fact, an hour or two after i bought this (this was before i even really started getting into lego) they released the first teaser for the Animal Crossing lego sets. the way i manifested that?

3) 21340 Tales of the Space Age

this was a christmas gift! i think it's really pretty and i love how you can change the constellation in the third one. that being said, it just feels a bit silly to have a set be so 2D like this? this could have been an art print.

4) 77050 Nook's Cranny & Rosie's House

i got this one in March! when the AC sets were announced i vowed to get all of them no matter what. i have not done this because they are very expensive for what they are and i don't love them as much as i wanted to... the minifigs are perfect but i think the way that everything is on its own little squircle base looks a bit messy. that being said, as someone who grew up loving Animal Crossing but never had any merch because it was still pretty niche, my inner child was very happy building this set :) i really enjoy how you can change the layout of the furniture in the house and all the individual outdoor pieces.

4a/4b) 30662 Maple's Pumpkin Garden and 30635 Beach Cleanup

these two little sets came for free with the previous one! the Animal Crossing one is cute, kinda whatever though. it's pretty much just an add-on to the main sets. love Maple ❤️

the Friends one though? i held off on building it so i could have it to cheer me up some day i was feeling low. when i finally did build it i fell in love with it! it's just really colourful and cutesy. my first job was actually litter picking by the seaside so it's so bizarre and coincidental that i ended up with this. i've attached this set beside Rosie's house to try and incorporate it into my little Animal Crossing town. i guess Aliya is the player? Pascal looks different though 🧐

i will say though that this set does feel very greenwashy. i follow some sea glass collectors on instagram and they're always finding lego bricks washed up on the shore... i can't really talk because i'm out here buying their products but i do feel a bit guilty sometimes. but also life is short and i'm just trying to be happy. idk. surprise ethical discourse 🤩

Sets I want

i've ordered a few more Animal Crossing sets, namely Dodo Airlines and the Town Hall, because i want to have a little Animal Crossing town (and also just so i could get that damn pegasus 😑). i am also really looking into Lego Friends because i think they have some beautiful and interesting buildings in that theme, and the commitment to inclusion and representation just feels really nice. but yeah. stay tuned for more unwise financial decisions

[kerridixonart]

Thinking about entering your first art competition? | KerriDixonArt.com

Thinking about entering your first art competition? | KerriDixonArt.com https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umbFJ4jKKtw In this video, I’ll guide you through everything you need to know—from finding the right competition, understanding the rules, framing, labelling, pricing, and even coming up with ideas for themed comps. Whether you're a hobby artist or looking to take your art to the next level, this is your beginner-friendly roadmap to entering with confidence! ✅ Grab the free checklist here: [insert your link] 🎯 Topics Covered: How to find local & national art comps What judges and galleries look for Common entry mistakes to avoid How to prepare your art professionally What to include on labels & entry forms Tips for themed competition ideas Framing and presentation tips Pricing your work for exhibitions Follow this link to download your Competition Checklist https://ift.tt/WAVNbnc 👇 Drop your questions or art competition stories in the comments! And don’t forget to like, subscribe, and hit the bell 🔔 for more artist tips and inspiration. 🔔 Join Kerri Dixon Art to watch more content about art techniques, community building, marketing strategies, and educational insights for artists: https://www.youtube.com/@kerridixonart?sub_confirmation=1 ✅ Stay Connected To Me: 👉 Instagram: https://ift.tt/9rUog8b 👉 Facebook: https://ift.tt/m4fp7AM 👉 Facebook(Group): https://ift.tt/3tlAQNn 👉 Website: https://ift.tt/HGJYzcN ============================= ✅ Recommended Playlists: 👉 Favorites: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=FLWkw4yEUPAyWhRtwli524nw 👉 Tuesday Chats: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLB8bemIVXx1AgLY3fBs4TAdkxLsQ7WC_x ✅ Other Videos You Might Be Interested In Watching: 👉 How to Excel in Animal Art Competitions: A Comprehensive Guide https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qThY58Edri4 👉 Finding and Using Copyright Free Images for Realistic Animal Art https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oV8cMs1H--4 👉 Originality in Art: Techniques, Tips, and Building Your Unique Style https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haydks0zuqo 👉 Art and Tourism https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXjvmOlBGvk ================================ ✅ About Kerri Dixon Art: Welcome to Kerri Dixon Art! I'm Kerri, an experienced art teacher focusing on realistic wildlife art. Join me for weekly art chats uploaded from my Facebook page, discussing art-related ideas and topics. Explore my draw-along sessions in soft pastels, charcoal, and graphite to enhance your skills. I'm also the founder of The Creative Barn Membership, an online community teaching realistic wildlife and nature art. Join us for exclusive tutorials and community support. 🔔 Hit that subscribe button for more art tips, creative advice, and engaging tutorials! https://www.youtube.com/@kerridixonart?sub_confirmation=1 ================================= #ArtCompetitionTips #BeginnerArtist #HowToEnterArtComps #ArtShowGuide #ArtTips #ArtistAdvice #FramingArt #ArtBusiness #CreativeBarn #KerriDixonArt #ArtMarketing #PastelArtist #ExhibitYourArt #ArtJourney #PaintingTips Disclaimer: I do not accept any liability for any loss or damage incurred by you acting or not acting as a result of watching any of my publications. You acknowledge that you use the information I provide at your own risk. Do your own research. Copyright Notice: This video and my YouTube channel contain dialogue, music, and images that are the property of the Kerri Dixon Art. You are authorized to share the video link and channel and embed this video in your website or others as long as a link back to my YouTube channel is provided. © Kerri Dixon Art via Kerri Dixon Art https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWkw4yEUPAyWhRtwli524nw April 01, 2025 at 12:28PM

[jb-fmp-year-two]

• Designing Environments

• Introduction

The environment in which the player plays is perhaps one of the most important part of a game. Even if you have the best gameplay in the world, not many will be willing to play if it doesn't look good. But environments aren't just about looks, it's also about how it feels to play in. A good movement system is nothing without an environment to use it in.

As I said in the proposal, there isn't a set environmental theme for this project, rather I want a bunch of environments unique to each-other, and that all starts with inspiration.

• Inspiration

A game I believe I'll be taking quite a bit of environmental inspiration from is Shell Shockers. Shell Shockers is a multiplayer game played in the web browser, in which you play as eggs and use various different guns to kill your opponents. Its environments are made of large blocky areas, and it almost feels like everything was built on a grid.

One of the many environments in Shell Shockers

When designing maps, the Whiteboard Test is something that comes to mind. It is basically a classification of a person's skill in level design and, while I personally do not agree with evaluating a person's skills based on arbitrary ideas, It still can provide some good insight:

Essentially, the "worst" maps are ones with little to no form or thought, messy and disconnected, while the "best" are multi-level and have more interesting form, thought out to fit the game's theme while still feeling like a real place. In reality, most of the last case are just people designing houses and then the interior props are placed to better fit the gameplay.

Anyway, with an idea of the type of environment I wanted to create in mind, I began building the first in Unity using Pro Builder.

Pro Builder is a tool that allows you to make simple 3D models inside of Unity directly, including most of the basic 3D modelling tools like subdivision, loop cuts and extrusion. This makes it perfect for blocking out environments.

I quickly realised, however, that just blocking out environments wouldn't be enough. If I wanted a good environment, then I'd need some textures so that I could really get a feel for what I was creating. I didn't want to spend potentially hours making textures myself that I might not even use, so I searched online.

I wasn't expecting to find much, In previous personal projects I had searched the same sort of thing "Stylized PBR Textures", but to my surprise, I found exactly what I was looking for.

This was perfect, I could now easily test different themes without spending hours making the textures myself. Of course, once I actually finished blocking things out, I would make my own models for things they didn't have on the website, but for now it was great.

And so, I designed this simple little castle-type environment:

It's definitely not done yet, but it already feels like exactly what I wanted.

Before levels are created in final, they are generally greyboxed first. This refers to a process where an environment's large and important features are blocked out first to allow the developers to get a feel for how the game will actually play. Unity's ProBuilder (which is what I'm using to create the levels) is essentially designed for this:

When I described this project, I stated that I wanted to have multiple different maps, all with a random theme. I initially thought about a forest map with trees and rocks, or a desert map with large sand dunes and pyramids, but I ultimately chose to do the castle map for a few main reasons: its a bit easier to design, there are lots of references avaliable and it can allow me to make more interesting gameplay, with multiple levels and different smaller areas to hide in, all while not feeling too out of place, as castles are also often ascosiated with fantasy.

• Insparation:

To make sure my maps work well, and ideally for much larger maps, I can use a system called a "heat map". This is basically anything that shows how often players are in certain areas. Essentially, we take a player's gameplay and add to a map of where the player was. Over time, we can get more and more players to contribute, showing an average of where players go. For my game, a heatmap where everything is quite evenly distributed (apart from the deliberately placed hallways and stairs) would be ideal, as I want the players to move as much as possible, though in its current state, a heatmap would be a little overkill.

[dawnfelagund]

I normally actively avoid posting about anything where money is attached. I'm making an exception here for a project that addresses what I see as a significant (and growing) need in the fandom.

I (along with a team of incredible comods) run an independent archive, the Silmarillion Writers' Guild. We are one of the only independent archives left, at least in the Tolkien fandom.

We wage a lot of uphill battles to keep our archive open and active, but one of the biggest is the tech side. I'm not an IT pro; I'm a middle-school humanities teacher. I began learning the tech skills to run an archive in 2006 and have been learning ever since. By now, I've devoted hundreds if not thousands of hours to learning how to build and run websites. And it's hard, mostly because it is hard to find information that is written at a level comprehensible by an exhausted middle-school teacher who has a half-hour at the end of her day to puzzle something out. Documentation generally sucks; tutorials often seem to be written at a level just above where I am. My knowledge has a lot of holes as a result, and I sometimes have to give up on something because I can't find what I need to teach me to do it.

The Fujoshi Guide to Web Development is a Kickstarter project that aims to remedy that by producing materials aimed at teaching web development concepts specifically to a fannish audience and with the goal of supporting an independent fannish web, where fans have the know-how to build their own sites, archives, and other web projects. They are very close to their goal. I made my donation today; I'm hoping we might push them over the finish line.

Currently, fans are primarily tethered to a few large sites used for fandom purposes. Some of these are benevolent and trustworthy (AO3, for example); others are not and have taken damaging steps toward fandom over the years (not mentioning any names here ...) All of them have their limitations. The primary complaints I hear about AO3, for example, have nothing to do with AO3 doing anything wrong and everything to do with people wanting AO3 to be something other than AO3. At the same time, I get it: We are at the point where AO3 is often the only choice for many creators to archive their work and the only choice for people who want to enjoy fanworks. Those people are understandably upset when AO3 can't meet their needs because they don't see themselves as having another choice.

But it didn't used to be this way. It used to be (at least in Tolkien fandom) that if you wanted something that didn't exist, you built it yourself. This is how the SWG came to be: some of us wanted an archive just for Silmfic, there wasn't one, so we built one. We weren't alone in this, and we felt empowered because so many other fans were doing the same thing: learning together and teaching and supporting each other as we went. This was when "building a website" meant learning enough HTML and CSS to hand-markup a page or adjust an eFiction theme.

But, as time passed and the internet evolved, our enthusiastically acquired knowledge of HTML wasn't enough to keep afloat sites that were breaking at a much deeper level, and those sites began to disappear. My comods and I did endeavor to gain the knowledge to save our decaying archive and, as noted above, it was not easy, and I do not blame anyone for not doing the same. It was a part-time job for me for over a year, and I'm lucky that I was able to make room for it in my life. It's unreasonable to expect that everyone will be able to do that.

The increasing consolidation and corporatization of fandom is a problem too. We've seen time and again that for-profit companies don't have our interests in mind. All of the fannish stuff we love on Tumblr and Discord and FanFiction.net could be gone tomorrow and for no better reason than someone will make a little more profit if our embarrassing fandom garbage is not there. It's happened before, many times. Even without corporate malevolence, digital data is fragile and having everything in just one place is perilous. While I'm sure AO3, for example, is diligent in preserving our work as best as possible, data losses and breaches do happen all the time.

It used to be that Tolkien fanfic writers would archive their work in three, four, more different places. If one had a data loss, that sucked, but mostly because you lost comments, not because entire swaths of fanworks were gone forever. That level of crossposting is no longer an option.

It used to be that Tolkien fanfic writers would archive their work in three, four, more different places. If one had a data loss, that sucked, but mostly because you lost comments, not because entire swaths of fanworks were gone forever. That level of crossposting is no longer an option.

[mrs-monaghan]

Hybe didn't?

Lmao they were no.1

Things hybe 'did' for Jimin FACE era

1. Denied him of 4 MV, to artist who build that fuxking company. While giving their rookies 4 MVs on 1st album, Yoongi and Hobi a documentary and now a world tour. Apparently 4 MVs request is unreasonable, my ass.

2. Lets forget about other international platforms but they Didn't raised a finger against hanteo robbery even if it's their own home country. Still no one knows where that 770K sales went. Conveniently stole his #1 soloist sales record.

3. Didn't sent LC to radio even after mass request from fans and it achieving no1 on BB, left all work to be done by fans. LC had a very big opportunity to go even big but how much fans can do without a single support from agency ?

4. No celebrations or theme cakes like other members, no interviews or hype after No.1 BB like bangtan had during dynamite era. When rest country was celebrating and their share prices shoot up. Even Jimin's dad's friends celebrated while it's silence from his agency.

5. Even his pre orders still not shipped which is affecting charts. It's been a month, mind you. Took days to restore CDs in BTS store. Took days to add LC to This is BTS Playlist, which is the biggest we can have, while haegum was added in a day.

6. Army were begging them about BB situation for 3 WEEKS but no response but conveniently corrected the website just a day before D DAY. No comments regarding his 90%+ sales being deleted while all K media were writing about the BB payola.

7. Cut down his promotion to 10 fucking days leaving even Jimin disappointed and doubtful about his promos. Just to announce a whole new album in a week and killed hype of FACE.

8. Threw him to hands of kpoppies and antis, they were rentlessly attacking him since SMF dropped, articles were written, they were making sexual harassment and rape jokes against him. 'Artist protection' no where to be found. Didn't even took down korean articles or hate blogs.

9. Made him overwork and finish everything within 10 days till he was sick. He attended parties with tapes on his neck and was sick af by end of promos, even on BB hot 100 announcement day.

10. Remember when Filter was removed from iTunes when it began outstreaming ON ? Yeah same thing happened. FACE tied with BTS record for iTunes album IMMEDIATELY next day there was a 'glitch' and FACE falled.

That's an accurate depiction of me rn. I said in a comment and I'll say it here. I love Jimin with everything I own, but I'm gonna need my man to start having some sort of defiance. He doesn't see his potential, fine. But he needs to start prioritising himself. He don't need to be putting others infront of himself all the damn time. Did other members put their shit on hold for his sake? No. He was born to shine...its why he's so hated because he doesn't need to do much and people will gravitate towards him. If YT didn't do what they did SMF and LC would both have over 100M views by now. No seriously think about it. Forget the streamers like u and me. We have 74 million subscribers on Bangtan TV and 70 M subs on Hybe labels. Then Jimin has 49M followers on insta. Lets say 10 million are people with multiple accounts. That leaves 39M followers. Again, forget the streamers. Lets say there is a person who is busy so they only have time to watch his MVs once before going to work and once before bed. Then we of course have the haters obsessed with Jimin who also watched the MVs at least once. Add the fact that both MVs for sometime were number 1 and 3 on trending which means locals who like to see what's trending clicked on the songs and watched them. And then that's when the streamers come in. The math does not math no matter how much u try. The fact that LC doesn't even have 50 million views is absolutely ridiculous.

But, I digressed. Back on topic. Hybe did do him dirty. BH been doing him dirty for fucking years. But he stays. If you've been listening. You will notice Suga and Jimin are the two members who've been the most vocal about coming back as 7. I'm not saying the rest don't want that, but Yoonmin do appear to want that the most.

We have seen Jimin refuse to go hard when he's dancing with people who are not as good. The TT he did with TXT he did not even try. He took the cute route. And that's not the only one. VIBE he could have gone harder, but u can see he is holding back because that is not his song, he was a feature. Watch how he dances with Suga versus how he dances with Jhope. U will see a clear difference. Jimin has always, always put other people into consideration. Its why u will see when V is making fun of Jimin he won't stop and keeps going and going. But when Jimin is making fun of V, he will catch himself and stop and admit he has gone to far.

He has always put Bangtan before himself and it sucks. Look at JK "what are they gonna do, fire me?" JK knows the power he holds and uses it and takes advantage of it. He knows he's indispensable. But then so is Jimin and I wish he would follow his boyfriend's lead because this is absurd. Other members have gotten sm and he got so little. How and why was he okay with this?

I would bet my right arm (I'm right handed btw) that he has also put BTS before his relationship and could have been the cause of some of their fights. And u know JK sees whats happening and doesn't like it one bit. BH weren't promoting his man to his satisfaction so JK did a whole live dedicated to Jimin. He said; fine, I'll do it myself.

Y'all think I'm kidding when I say JK stays for Jimin 🧐

I hope military service hardens Jimin and he comes back with an attitude because this man deserves to reach even greater heights than he already has.

Fuck Hybe and Bighit with a fucking cactus I'm fucking done with this shit

[slocumjoe]

do you think you'll ever do fnv or fo3 requests too?

TDLR; No for both, because I like New Vegas enough that I don't feel like it needs dissecting, and because I don't like Fallout 3 at all.

warning for cringe nv circlejerking and fo3 negativity...which shouldn't surprise anyone, given other things I've said on this blog

If one could take a good, long look at all the fandoms I've ever been in, the one consistency is potential. This could have been incredible, this almost was a fascinating story, this had everything to be a masterpiece.

For example, Fallout 4. It has so many different aspects that could have made a good game and story...they just didn't flesh any of them out.

The Commonwealth is under the totalitarian, but shadowed hand of the Institute, a hidden organization that treats the land and its people like playthings, for unknown goals. Their latest venture; the synth. A man made of flesh and bone, made as if he were mere machine...and made in the image of anyone. Someone you love, your settlement leader, you. Whatever the Institute had planned, it is at the cost of what remains of humanity, and you must stop—wait, sorry, hold on...yeah, no, Todd says we're going back to the baby thing.

You are a pre-war Vault Dweller, frozen for centuries, when a mysterious man cracks open your spouse's cryo pod and steals your infant son from their hands. Now, you must journey into a land so familiar, but completely alien, to find him, and figure out what forces took him, and for what purp—wait, wait, nevermind, actually we're gonna...those aforementioned forces made androids and have been replacing people with them, go figure that out, decide what color flag you want on their blown up hideout.

The Minutemen are an interesting concept, too, as we haven't really seen a purely altruistic faction, really. If we have, they've escaped my memory at the moment. Say NCR/Lyons and I'm deleting Tumblr, the website. But the Minutemen are treated as nothing more than barebones context for why you would engage with the settlement building.

Railroad...ugh. That's a whole essay. A reference to a historical organization, made purely in response to the Bladerunner reference, and then put together with tape and soda box cardboard. Ugh.

Brotherhood...reused because Bethesda has little imagination of their own. The Brotherhood doesn't do anything, they just hang around and say stuff about containing technology. They lack substance in a different way than the other three factions.

The Institute has some bones on it. You could get something out of the idea of, even after the bombs, there being a shadow government controlling the Commonwealth and its people. Instead, it exists purely because of a throw-away reference to Bladerunner in Fallout 3, and Bethesda tripped over itself trying to justify it.

So, Fallout New Vegas...

Lots of themes, pulling from real history and philosophy without dickriding it and refusing to look the current in-universe reality in the eye.

Fallout New Vegas wasn't something that left me thinking. Wondering what it could have been. There's a psychological phenomenon that, when you put down a task or puzzle, your brain doesn't let it go. It keeps that tab running, so to speak. Fallout New Vegas, the story and writing was so complete, that when it ended, I didn't have anything else I wanted to know. No questions, no feeling of dissatisfaction. The puzzle was finished, everything was exactly as it should have been.

NV has more potential, yes, but not because it failed or pulled its punches; they didn't get enough time or resources to work on it. Even then, what they were able to do, they made sure it wrapped up nicely and had enough meat to satisfy everyone. Any discussion I take interest in is political or philosophical; I don't feel like any characters were shafted. They all felt realized, crafted rather than slapped together.

But...Fallout 3 was literally nothing.

Fallout 4 has aspects that could work. Fallout 3's plot is just...so uninspired, constantly yawning as it tries to be grandiose and sentimental. It's about this about this one kid of this scientist. This kid's dad leaves the Vault for some reason, the kid fucks around doing busywork so people tell them where he went, they find him, he dies, stuff with Eden and Autumn, the kid dies pushing some buttons. Yay...I'm so invested in this teenager, this old dude who is nothing but 'dad' and 'scientist', and the two brotherhood of steel ladies who take over telling me what busywork to do...

So, yeah. The killing blow is that I didn't like any of the Fallout 3 characters.

First Companion I met was Jericho. I learned he was a rapist and I killed him. The game told me I lost karma for murder...despite giving me karma for killing the Tenpenny guy in the bar five minutes ago. I killed everyone in Paradise Falls and got good karma. No desire to recruit Clover. I only traveled with Dogmeat and Fawkes. Butch's archetype is boring and Charon...fine, I guess. Stoic, maybe? Honor-bound, as he says. Sure, that's something. I had to Google the other companions.

And I think that demonstrates the problem with Fallout 3 companions. People never say they like Clover, or Jericho. It's Butch and Charon. I saw Star Paladin Cross mentioned by another human being once, IRL. Once. Do you really want to know what Jericho would do for Halloween? Do you really care about what RL-3 would think about the Lone Wander finding a baby and keeping it? Does the thought of Star Paladin Cross wearing a tanktop on weekends thrill and excite you? No. Why would it? Do you even remember Cross's gender? What Jericho looks like? What weapon Clover uses?

I don't feel like writing New Vegas because I don't see anything to write. They're good characters, good writing, I was happy with how it all turned out.

I write Fallout 4 because that puzzle never finished for me. I never got to see the likable, interesting characters reach their full potential, and it got me wondering.

I won't write Fallout 3 because there wasn't anything I found redeeming in it. I finished the puzzle and I was happy only because it was over.

[hmm-self-indulgence]

Michael Shelley x Gn!Reader

Read as a statement. Italics are Jon, and regular is You! Gender Neutral, congrats you are married, have graduated uni, and live in England. Statement given around mag 140. I’m going with the descriptions given on Fandom Wiki for Michael, and the classic interpretation of Helen (since she has no canon description).

Warnings! Intense language, traumatic experiences, major character loss, some almost sexual themes but no smut. Pretty much just PG-13 except for language and some monsterfucking elements. READER HAS SEMI BISEXUAL TENDENCIES (you get both distortions for the price of one!) Also, what's a timeline, never heard of her? So just general timeline fucking up for the sake of some fluff and angst. Mentions of religion and praying (kinda worshiping the spiral a la Manuela)! Drug mentions. Also, violence against Elias, but who cares! Some artistic liberties taken when it comes to a lot of things. I’ve never been to the UK so some stuff might be wrong. Technically unintentional spousal abuse, (gaslight gatekeep girlboss) plus technically kidnapping? Plus the reader is a bit mean to Jon. Also my friend proofread this and said it reminded her of twilight a bit so I hate that but I wanna post it anyway. I hate that I took unintentional inspiration from twilight but here we are anyway.

No one has the permission to repost this on any website. Do not use my content or claim it as your own! I do not own these characters, they are made, owned and are the property of Johnathan Sims. I am in no way profiting off of this and this is made with full respect to Rusty Quill.

Quick taglist @decora-peaches , @swordsandfools, sorry gang I'm a fool who needed the confidence to post this and its been quite a bit since I promised to post this.

Helen has decided to try to buy our friendship again, as she has brought me a statement. Where she got it from I have no idea, but I feel the need to record it. Anyway, Statement of (y/n) Shelley, regarding their life and experiences with their husband... Michael. Date written, unknown. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, The Archivist.

Statement begins.

I'd like to first say that I hate your Archive and everything you stand for. You took the man I love from me twice and I despise you all for it, but Helen asked for it and I cannot deny her anything. So here is my statement, and I hope you choke on it.

I met Michael Shelley in our first year in University. We were in a maths class together. We had finals coming up and a handful of our classmates wanted to meet up at the south library to practice together later in the day. The study session ran extremely late, and it was dark when I left the building. He must have seen my hesitance and offered to walk me back to my dorm, and I guess we hit it off.

We went out quite a lot, and he was so sweet and always listened to what I had to say. He was occasionally forgetful, but he never made me feel like I was

Michael always had this… obsession with the unnatural. He told me what happened to his friend when he was a child, and I believed him well enough. I didn't believe in ghosts or ghouls or any of that lot, but he did. Michael heard that the Magnus Institute was hiring, and before I knew it he had dropped out and started working there full time. I was surprised, but honestly I didn’t think much of it at the time because he was so happy to have that damn job.

My parents were... not thrilled with Michael. To them, he was too quiet and, as you know, working for the Magnus Institute isn't the most glorious or well paying job, and my parents were worried that he was crazy. To be honest, he wasn't all there when I was with him, he always seemed to be a world away. But that didn't matter to me. He was mine, and we loved each other.

He proposed at my graduation, and we got married a few months later. The wedding was a small thing, his parents didn't come and mine showed up begrudgingly, so it was mostly just a few friends and his two of his coworkers that showed up in the end. Michael was so damn happy to see Emma and Eric. Eric even brought his little boy with him. It was the happiest day of our lives, I don’t think I ever saw Michael smile as much as he had that day.

We had a small apartment right between our workplaces. It was a bit of a trip for both of us, but I don't think either of us minded. He went on a few trips for the institute, so when he told me he was going north with Gertrude I didn’t see anything the matter with it. I helped him pack some warm clothes, and we had dinner before he left. Nothing… Nothing seemed wrong at first. I was used to him not being able to talk when he was on his trips, but after 3 weeks of silence went by I was scared. I got the letter the next day. “The Magnus Institute regrets to inform you that Michael Shelley has passed away. Our deepest condolences, Elias Bouchard.”

I went to the institute to get answers, storming my way into Elias’s office. He didn't even have the kindness to look shocked or even the slightest bit remorseful. Didn’t say shit about it either, just that he was dead. I asked about his body, if there was anything that could be buried or just anything about what happened. He just… stared at me, just saying that Michael was dead and that the institute was sorry.

I don’t remember much about what happened next, but I remember feeling his weasley little neck in my hands as I tried to squeeze the answers out of him. Security pulled me away and when he caught his breath he told me he wouldn’t press charges, but that I had to leave and not come back. As I was escorted out of the building, I saw Gertrude and Emma staring at me with those blank eyes. I begged her to tell me anything about Michael, anything at all and that I knew she was with him on that trip. Nothing made her react at all, but I swear she flinched when I asked if she killed him. I don’t know how I got home that day.

I prayed that day. I prayed that the institute was wrong, that Michael was alive, that this was just a sick fucking joke. But it wasn't, and I had to bury an empty box alone a few days later. Work gave me a few weeks off that were spent practically catatonic in our bed. People came by, friends, my parents, but they couldn’t bring him back to me or fill the empty hole that was left in my life. It's strange, you never realize how dependent you are on a person until they suddenly leave, no warning. It’s like a crutch being kicked out from under a missing limb, but you never stop falling.

But you don’t deserve my grief, my sadness, you already know what you did. You don’t want to know about my Michael, you want to know about the Michael you created. For Helen I will indulge you. I first saw the yellow door about three months after he passed. I was grieving, and that makes us so much more foolish. I had been walking home after work and I was lost in my own head, taking turns and alleys I hadn't ever seen before. I think I was around Westminster when it happened. Some men had tried to grab my purse, and I ran.

I heard their footsteps following me as I ran through the small, dark alleys, my shoes smacked against the slippery cobblestone and I was so afraid. I was ahead of them by a bit, and I started banging on doors, begging for someone to help me, but no one answered. No lights were on in any of the homes and I felt my heart hammering in my throat threatening to escape. Then I saw it, fused into a cobblestone fence. A bright yellow door at the end of the alley, just barely opened so a sliver of light peaked through. I ran towards it, running through it before slamming the door behind me. I never heard anything from the other side of the door.

When the adrenaline died off I noticed the hallway. The walls were an obnoxious mix of beige and yellow. There were these mirrors in the hallway, kind of like the mirrors at carnivals that distort your body and make you look different. Everything hurt to look at, and the lights were so bright I was getting a migraine. The place made me feel like I was on a LSD trip. That wasn't even the strangest thing though. In my peripheral vision I kept seeing… something. It only appeared where I couldn't focus on it. I tried to go back to the door I came from, but It wouldn't budge, and I never got a clear view of what was there so I started walking. After a few minutes of the endless nauseating hallways I saw another door.

I don't know what I expected when I opened the door, maybe more weird hallways, but never in a million years did I expect it to be my own apartment on the other side. I was frozen in place, shocked and so, so afraid when I felt something grip my shoulder strongly, jerking me forward and into my bedroom before the yellow door slammed shut with a bang. And when I looked back there was no door.

I told myself I was hallucinating. That something was wrong and it was all just a bad dream. I spent the whole night convincing myself I was going mental. Lying to myself worked, and I was so close to believing it when I saw the bruise on my skin under where I was shoved. Some part of that night had to have been true, I had no fucking clue what really happened.

Looking back it was so stupid of me. So fucking stupid but I needed to know what the hell happened that night. I started looking for danger, going into darker areas later in the night. I walked around with fake jewelry that looked nice enough from far away to entice some lowlife thief. I got robbed twice, got a few scrapes and bruises but the door didn’t show up again. Kept telling myself it was grief, maybe some disorder or another that stemmed from that first night.

I don't know how it was different from that night, but maybe it knew they wouldn't have hurt me too bad, so the door left me to my own devices, or maybe I’m just insane..

I wasn't expecting a door when I saw it next. There had been a break-in near my work, and a police officer came by to ask us some questions. The officer was this real brute of a man, tall enough that he had to duck to get into the shop. I don’t remember his name, but I didn't like the look of him. Of course I answered the questions, but the officer just started getting closer and closer. I was scared and closed my eyes for just a second, and when I opened them the yellow door was to my right, where a window was supposed to be. I bolted straight into the door, I don't even know if the officer followed me. But the door opened and the nauseating hallway was there again.

When I heard the door latch I took a moment to breathe. The strange figure appeared in my peripherals again, always disappearing when I tried to focus on it. I called out to it, asking where I was and what was going on. Looking down the hallway I saw something tap the mirror, like it was poking it from inside. I moved closer until I saw the horrible hand gripping the inside of the mirror. They weren't hands, hands don't have that many bones, hands aren't that long or sharp but… there they were. I didn’t even realize I was standing in front of it until I felt that strange weight on my shoulder again. I turned around quickly but nothing was there, and turning around I almost screamed. My reflection was there, but it wasn't alone. Whatever was connected to those claws resting on my shoulders looked almost like Michael. I could feel the weight on my shoulders, but the thing with Michael’s face was only in the mirror.

Michael wasn't originally a tall man, but now he almost had to bend over to fit his entire frame in the mirror. Michael didn't have hands like that, Michael’s smile was never that large, and most importantly, Michael wasn't alive. But here stood the thing that was and wasn't my husband. But when he said hello I just broke down. I told him everything and begged him to stay by my side. He said he had left, but that which both is and isn't him has been here. He said he would stay, and I said that I loved him. I don’t think he loved me, not the… the new version of him. I don't even think he had any emotions left at the end. I think there was just enough Michael to remember me.

I knew he wasn't exactly like my Michael, but he was close enough to make me happy. I knew he was hurting people, the hallways weren’t silent, and I heard screaming occasionally. There were a lot of mirrors in his doors, and sometimes I saw faces in them, real normal faces. I wanted him back, even as he had become he was still my Michael.

His door was in our… my apartment some days. Oftentimes it wouldn't even open, but it was just a comforting presence. His door, his shenanigans, it all just became my new life. He wasn't Michael, but he was enough like him to make the grief go away. If I fooled myself enough it almost felt normal again, like when we were first married. He didn't speak much, he just came and went like a house cat. I would speak to him, or at least his door when I was particularly lonely.

There were times he acted like his old self. Some days he would go through the motions of making coffee, only to stare at it in distaste before he disappeared.

I would see him standing in our apartment, just staring at a wall or going through one of his old routines. Some nights I would wake up to see him staring at me from the foot of our bed. I even found some of his gold hair on his pillow again. We lived that way for around seven years. In that time, nothing really changed, we just inhabited the same area. It wasn't ideal, but it was better than living without him, so I didn't mind.

A few months before he disappeared, again, he came back with blood on his hands. I tried to ask what happened, but all he would say was that he “poked the eye”, and I assume that means it's your lot. He seemed so pleased with himself so I didn't ask any more questions. That's when things got bad again.

I didn't see him for a few weeks, and I was worried, not even his door was here. I was so afraid he was gone again, and I worried I was insane again. I prayed, not to God this time, no, I prayed to the hallways and the ever changing fractals. I prayed to the spiral Michael mentioned. I offered worship and my love in exchange for any part of my lover back. And this time someone answered.

There was a figure in my room again, but it wasn't Michael. It was a woman I came to know as Helen. She was around the same height as my new Michael, and her voice was just as disorienting and alluring as my husband. I had to mourn Michael twice, but Helen filled in the gaps he left very well. Helen didn't know much about me, only that she felt pulled towards me, but she was determined to learn.

Helen tried to be a person more than Michael did at the end. Michael would never stay long, but Helen would spend hours in our apartment, just sitting or watching me. I would see her doors throughout my day, always in the most impossible places. She told me once it was just to see me smile, can you believe that? Michael did the same thing, and I adore her for this kindness. She is such a kind presence, and I care for her.

It's strange, in another life I think I could love her the way I love Michael. But this is not the life we are in, and my heart belongs to Michael. You took him from me, and I will never forgive you for that, your eyes will be blind one day and you will be left with nothing, just like me.

Statement… ends. Helen, why did she give this to me. What does this mean? I asked Elias, and apparently some of this is verified. Michael did pass away at this time, and he was married to one Mx. (Y/N) Shelley. I have elected not to reach out to their family, as if this is true, then reaching out would only end poorly. I… I need to talk to Helen.