#I'm not a system I just kin like my kins have kins. Hard to explain.

[apeiria]

Bolded: ID or whatever. Big me

Italics: Minor as far as I know. Small me, probably no memories

Strikeout: Not that relevant right now at time of update.

-

Blue.

Satoru Gojo • Jujutsu Kaisen

Howl • Howl's Moving Castle (book)

Mamoru Chiba/Tuxedo Mask • Sailor Moon

Klavier Gavin • Ace Attorney

Axel • Kingdom Hearts

Achilles • TSOA

Twelve • Zankyou no Terror

Noctis • FFXV

Orange.

Dirk Strider • Homestuck

Yuki Yoshida • Given

Marshall Lee • Adventure Time

Jason Todd • DC

Green.

Roronoa Zoro • One Piece

Kurogane • Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles

Touya • Card Captor Sakura

Blue (yes it upsets me that he isn't categorised under blue) • Pokémon

Felix Fraldarius • FE3H

[syscultureis]

This is the singlet anon- Its been a little rough lately :'D

I've been VERY hesistant to talk about this, bear with me- ill spare the large story.

Basically, theres this character from media- i dont wanna spoil the media, so let's call him A. A is schizophrenic, and his hallucination is a person he can hang around and talk to, we'll call him B.

I'm fictionkin, not a surprise- but ive started hearing a voice. This voice calls himself B, characterizes himself the way B from source does. The plot twist? Its a really good chance I have aspd- and a big signifier is hearing voice(s).

Im not sure if I kin A, but i certainly have B- and i dont know if its aspd or fictionkin caused, or maybe a secret third option. I'm really close with a polyfrag system and we've ruled out DID, since B doesnt 'front', we've never been trraumatized hard enough to split(or at least we dont think so, if you're endo-postitive, personally im neutral) he just gives input and like- effects me/us emotionally? i guess? its so hard to explain, i've never seen someone with a problem like this before and im genuinely scared-

Bottom line: is this DID? Is it an effect of being fictionkin? Or could it be aspd? Or something else?

-Me and B, who are grateful to have a place to come clean <3

If it is DID, it would lean more towards P-DID or a form of OSDD, or your amnesia barriers are higher than you think they are (amnesia is surprisingly easy to not notice honestly)

And honestly a lot of times ppl think they're fictionkin it ends up being DID (not always, just a pattern I've noticed)

But to me it doesn't really sound like DID, at least from what you've shared

I'm not a professional, and first and foremost I recommend getting professional help if you can

But in my personal opinion it sounds more like some form of psychosis. From what I'm aware of ASPD doesn't cause hallucinations or delusions very often without another outside force, ("Perceptions: ASPD does not present with hallucinations, but individuals with ASPD who have a substance use disorder may experience psychotic symptoms as a result of their substance use." Link )

but I have heard of BPD creating a similar effect to what you seem to be experiencing so that's where I would start personally ("Auditory verbal hallucinations  (AVH) are the most common form of psychotic symptoms among patients with BPD" link)

And I honestly don't know enough about fiction kin to tell you if it's a side effect of that

Again, we aren't professionals or doctors, this is a theory based on a brief interaction and our own research into psychology, you will get a far better answer and advice from a professional

But overall, to me it doesn't sound like DID, but I would look into disorders that cause psychotic symptoms

[isat-kinfessions]

Sorry if this is weird, but this blog actually seems like it can answer my question really really good!

What exactly is kinning?

I tried looking it up, and from my understanding, it's essentially being that person in a past life. They can have memories, thoughts, and relationships from it.

I . . . Just kinda hope that's accurate? I had to look it up because I when I played isat I felt way too connected to Siff and everything felt like it was actually happening to me irl so I had to take a step back and figure out wth this was.

But I'm pretty sure that was just me relating too hard and I ended up treating Siff like he was me. (Projecting, fun)

Sorry, this is a long post and probably way too much information and I really hope I don't upset any kinnies- I just wanna make sure I know what it is.

Love you <3 (Thankfully I already know systems pretty well so you're spared another question)

we ourselves don’t quite know how to explain it well due to it being a very personal thing and how much it has evolved over time, we are much more knowledgeable on system related things but i’m hoping by sharing this someone else may be able and willing to explain it

[everyone-with-a-para]

Hi! I have several questions, if that's okay.

I very recently found out about daydreaming community, and, honestly, was in awe, because all my life I thought I was that one weird autistic child with really big imagination and finding this community was like a blessing, because I don't feel that alone now. But, surfing a in this part of the internet left me a little bit confused and the fact that english is my second language does not help.

So, first question. I somewhat lost the line between immersive daydreamings and MaDD. I am sure that all of my daydreamings are immersive, because all of my life I was daydreaming to the point of every single moment of free time. But I don't understand when immersive daydreamings end and MaDD begins. As far as I understood, people with MaDD have difficult time leaving their daydreams, because of one reason or another and use them as coping mechanisms. At which point immersive daydreamings become MaDD? What is the line? What are, let's say, particular qualities of it? If that's okay for you and isn't hard, can you explain it in detail with examples? I try to understand myself, and while I find in myself a lot of stuff, I don't want to invade the MaDD community as (somewhat) healthy person.

Second, is having DID is a requirement for any of this? Is this still okay to be in the community and not have DID?

Third, maybe not a question, but clarification, as far as I understood, "para" in daydream community means someone (character, your version of self, yourself and so on) you have connection with. Again, character, yourself or version of yourself, in which I am sure. Am I correct in it? Can people you know in real life, if you are religious, God(s), spirits and others, different kins of alterhumanity and fictional characters from other media also consider as "para"? Are there any other labels like this?

Thank you, if you will have time to answer this. It way be a lot, I am just excited to find some niche that I was having all my life actually is (somewhat) common experience and I am not alone in it. I hope you will have a great rest of the week.

Hi welcome! I remember the relief I felt when I first found this community too. MaDD can feel like such an isolating thing if you don't know others experience the same

This got a little long so answers to your questions are under the cut

1. Immersive daydreaming is defined as intense and developed daydreams that feel more vivid than regular passive daydreaming. It's often used as a coping mechanism and often started in childhood, but those are not defining features

Inherently, all maladaptive daydreaming is immersive. It becomes defined as maladaptive when it negatively impacts your daily life. This is widely up to your own interpretation, if you feel like it makes life (whether that's external activities or internal feelings) more difficult for you, as MaDD is not yet a diagnosable disorder

Personally, some ways it negatively impacts, or has impacted me in the past: emotions feeling more real for people in my head than anything in my real life, embarrassment/anxiety of letting my daydreams show on my face in front of people, paranoia regarding mind readers despite knowing they don't exist, injuring myself from acting out daydream scenes, forgetting to eat/drink/take care of basic hygiene in favour of daydreaming or just losing track of time, dissociation, derealisation/depersonalisation, second hand distress from my paras

Anything like that and more can be counted as your daydreams being maladaptive. The coiner of the term, Dr Eli Somer, has actually made a list of proposed diagnostic criteria, should MaDD ever get to be in the DSM. You can find that here

2. DID/OSDD and MaDD have significant overlap/comorbidity and MaDD has been proposed as a dissociative disorder itself (for a research paper about this see here) but one is in no way required for the other

I'm not a system, but I am very vocally supportive of them because my best friend(s) is, that and the comobidity is why you might see a little system content on my blog

3. Para is a term used by the immersive and maladaptive daydreaming communities to describe any character within a daydream. Anyone/thing that exists in real life or as a spiritual concept can't be considered a para unless they are directly part of your daydreams

There are other terms such as parame (a para you daydream from the POV of), paraself (a version of yourself in a daydream), veritbond (a para that feels more independent and has a deeper connection and meaning to you), and paracosm (a world in which a daydream takes place). A comprehensive list of all ID/MaDD terms can be found here

I hope this answers your questions in a clear/helpful way. You're always welcome to ask more!

[the-sour-patch-crew-archived]

Sorry I'm one of your followers and I gotta ask are you yourself radqueer? I've had very very bad experiences with them so id I were to say I wasn't safe for radqueers, I would.be moreso meaning of radqueers come around, my space is no longer safe for *me*

Just need to know if I need to unfollow,, thank you

Kit here, and im going to answer this as if it was directed only at me. Ashe feels similarly, and the other two have zero idea what any of this means.

I don't think I am? Most radqueers in system spaces I see paired with transID stuff, which I am VERY uncomfortable with. I don't go in radqueer spaces and I don't know enough about them to even begin to know if I'd classify as one or could relate to it in any meaningful way. I block transID and radqueer accounts (because they are paired together so often) when they show up in tags because of my own discomfort. Radqueer is one of those identities I see around that I've had little interest in getting myself wrapped up in discourse wise.

I have a very complex relationship with my own gender, sexuality, and overall identity, but it's not something that is ever going to affect anyone else outside of me. This does influence how I treat others who seem to define themselves in good faith. I think from what I remember seeing radqueers are known for being accepting of good faith labels, but to a radical degree. While I am all about letting people express themselves how they want, as it rarely affects anyone else, I wouldn't say I'm radical. I am very critical of plenty of things in online spaces and critical of a lot of labels people use. I am a complex individual with complex opinions that are always changing the older I get.

Now to all our followers

We would appreciate it if you would refrain from judging us based on any past community experiences and instead base it on how our account makes you feel. As a follower, if anything we've ever said has made you feel unsafe, then you are welcome to leave. No hard feelings. However, if there hasn't been anything said or reblogged that indicates us being problematic to your health and safety, then I would say I am safe to be around.

I don't know what your experiences are, but I've always strived to be an accepting and welcoming individual. Doesn't mean I agree with everyone I interact with, but ideally, no one should view me as unsafe. Anti endos may, but that's only because we are a target to their hate. People I speak to online are strangers, my followers are wonderful but still strangers. I am by default polite and civil with strangers. That's just how I do things. Don't assume it means I'm something specific because of it.

Most of these current day communities and discourses I know ZERO about. General queer, system, and kin stuff is kinda my spoon limit for getting involved with online. My opinions and stances are complex. It's like politics. I'm not going to agree with everything or be the poster board child for either side. There's always complexities and nuances that can make someone not belong to either side or fit into a community. I've found that to be my lot in most things.

I'm furry, queer, plural, endo safe, daemian, and all together, I suppose, alterhuman. I don't use other labels unless it's to explain specifics, like my sexuality.

-Kit

[xxs4d-b4st4rdxx]

I don't know if this make any sense...

But I feel like two creatures in one skin suit. Not like in a system way. We are the same but different?

I'm pretty sure it's because of how I'm so fractured from not having a sense of self. It's like seeing your self in shards of a mirror. I have been making an effort to put myself back as one. Instead of my whole conflicting with one another always when I lest want it to happen.

But this other side stays, actually it's much clearer now as I become more one. I don't know, this just a real hard to explain. I have not found anyone who has experience or understand what I have. Maybe it's just some obscure kin thing I just don't know about.

Might not get any answers for it. What I can say I have named the other Lilith (creature of the night), and she's more bestial, truer in form of Leviathan. It might just be a way my mine thinks of my inner and outer self. I can't say.

[just-antithings]

Hope this ask is okay, it's not super anti related but this is really the only plural friendly blog I know that isn't at least anti leaning.

I always felt drawn to the idea of systems and plurality for a reason I couldn't explain. But for so long I wrote it off, and rationalized that there's no way we're plural. Then the other night I did a little research and I realized that most of the things I used as reasons I "couldn't actually be plural" were just misunderstandings on my part.

Like I believed that my experience of "having thoughts that weren't my own" had to be an entirely separate experience from how systems experience communication between alters. Like it couldn't possibly be the same because I could tell that the voice was inside my head rather than it just sounding like someone was talking to me. Even though it didn't feel like me

For a while I looked into the idea of kinning because it explained my experiences without meaning I was plural. I couldn't bring myself to identify as plural because I was scared I was "accidentally faking it", and that made me feel like a monster. But repeatedly, I would just be told "That doesn't really sound like you kin them. It sounds more like a fictive", and I just ended up going in circles.

Then I read posts from systems that would send you asks or submissions and I was amazed by how many of them reflected my own experiences

This blog made me realize my own anxiety was basically just parroting all of the same stuff antis say. I was refusing to look at things from a perspective that was helpful to me because I was so scared that my thoughts made me a monster.

So thank you. I'm still taking baby steps, and it's hard for me to confidently say that we're plural just yet, if only due to fear. But I'm finally starting to truly consider it, instead of just shutting down the idea.

.

[troutfur]

bonefall rewrite piece where owlstar and sparrowstar meet at a negotiation of some sort.

Not so fast, REVERSE CARD OPEN!

I target BB!Owlstar on my side of the field to special summon canon!Owlstar in attack position and canon!Pebble Heart in defense position.

Anyway! My bad attempt at a joke aside I'm gonna have to hijack this prompt for my own ends because I've always thought that the Pebble-Sparrow-Owl trio could have a really cool dynamic as a trio in the aftermath of DotC. I need Pebble Heart to be a separate character from Owlstar because both from his position as a meddie and his characterization in canon I have him serve as a mediating influence, as an anchor that keeps his siblings from drifting too far off from each other. Plus I think trios just generally give a more stable ground for character dynamics than mere dyads.

This one I based on a fic I that's been rummaging in my mind for ages about Sparrow facing a coup from Skystar's kin following his death and having to convince her brothers to lend their aid in her campaign of guerrilla warfare to reclaim her position.

(Want to submit a prompt of your own? Check out my guidelines and send it in! I'm only slightly likely to hijack it with a lame Yu-Gi-Oh! joke.)

With labored breaths, Sparrow Fur sat against the rough bark of a tree with a trickle of blood going over her left eye.

Everything since the ambush had been a blurr. Skystar hadn’t even been cold in the ground for more than before one of his brats got cocky and decided to organize an insurrection. There’d been no shortage of cats to stand behind him, the downside of Skystar’s system of advancement by merit was that there would always be a gaggle of malcontent cats eager to stand behind the first cat to promise them a place by his right paw.

Though she had barely the energy to move she attempted anyway to rise to her feet before she was gently guided back down onto her back.

“Easy there,” Pebble Heart instructed, pressing a wad fo wet most as he wiped the spot on her head from where the blood was oozing. “I haven’t even finished cleaning your wounds, Sparrow. Are you like this with Acorn Fur as well?”

She didn’t reply, instead just letting the twitching of her tail to give the message. It had been humilliating enough to be forced to flee her own territory, to hide among the dampness of ShadowClan and forced to rely on kin she thought she’d have no debt to anymore. Yet here she was, SkyClan’s deputy reduced to such a sorry state.

“I know, I know,” the dark-gray tom soothed., adding with a sigh, “It’s so hopeless with you, SkyClan cats.” Briefly he turned around to retrieve a herb from the stash he’d managed to bring alongside him from his nest. “Will you calm down if I tell you that I have someone who can help you out with your predicament?”

“Pryyp?” Sparrow Fur mrowwed. It’d been the first word the ShadowClan medic had heard her say in hours.

“Pebble Heart?” a familiar voice asked approaching the makeshift clinic fashioned from the cover of a fallen tree.

For a moment Sparrow Fur vocalized a sound like a growl. The recently-arrived tom widened his already large eyes in surprise, standing there for a moment before rushing to the side of his brother and sister. It was Owlstar of ThunderClan.

“Do you know who did this to her?” Owlstar asked. “How did this happen? When?”

“I found her a couple sunrises ago,” Pebble Heart explained. “I don’t have all the details and she hasn’t been well enough to tell me herself but I’ve got an idea of what it was, and she’ll need your help.”

“No!” Sparrow Fur immediately snapped, causing her brothers to tumble back as she labored to go back on her feet. She found it hard for the words to come to her mouth but she could say that much. “No! No! No! NO! Not ThunderClan!”

“This is no time to be proud, Sparrow,” Pebble Heart insisted. “If you want to reclaim leadership from Tiger Tail--”

“Wait,” Owlstar piped up, his sight brightening. “Skystar’s dead? And it was one of his sons and not Sparrow who took the leadership? This is excellent! From now on we could--”

Owlstar was stopped in his enthusiasm by a growl from his sister and a scolding from his brother. “This is no time to be thinking of a battle! Sparrow’s hurt and her would-be murderers are chasing her and this is what you think about?”

“Well, I have to think of ThunderClan!” Owl Eyes defended himself. “And SkyClan’s been nothing but a threat. Why shouldn’t I think about our rivalry now?”

At least there was something she could agree with her brother on...

[hardcolorfest]

✨️ AM I PLURAL? ✨️

Please help me, I have gone back and forth on this for years, at least 10 years which is literally like a third of my life so far!

Please, I am desprate for ANY outside views and opinions, I feel like I need others to read my experience and help me understand why I keep on getting into this cycle of "this is plural/no actually its not."

EDIT: this is LONG and I ran out of energy near the end so the writing gets really sloppy so I added a timeline of events up top. I'm so sorry, this ended up turning into more of a vent towards the end, but if anyone wants to read my life story and give me... uhhh........ feedback? I'm sorry words hard now I'm so tired.

I'm getting tired of the doubting and accepting cycle, the "is this normal and I'm just attributing it to a plural thing" floating around in my head constantly. I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'll need to lay everything out so anyone can get a full picture of what I'm/We're working with.

First of all, sorry this is posted on a random empty blog with a title and description totally unrelated. I was going to use this blog for something else but the crisis in my/our identity keeps getting in the way of doing much of anything solid for the last like year now. That's how bad this has gotten now, I hardly feel like a real person anymore and I don't know what to do. Secondly I'm really sorry if there are typos or anything like that. Sometimes my phone autocorrects something and I won't notice that it's changed it to something really weird, like it sometimes switches "I" to "you" and so on for like literally no reason so idk.

Now on to the meat.

🌲

The timeline so far goes > 2012 discover systems > understand I'm not one even though I'd like to be > follow and watch systems online while reading any resource or information posts > learn about tulpas > "make" first tulpa > seemingly gains sentience and gets angry > leaves > 2016 reset > 2016 does not care about being a system > fuzzy memory bullshit here, none of it has to do with this posts topic > 2019 reset > mostly uninterested in being plural > in 2020, 2019 me decides to try make a tulpa again > goes surprisingly well, much faster than last time (which I barely remember at this time) > he eventually talks without my focused effort > I doubt his existence being real > he gets angry, we argue for weeks > eventually he disappears, vaguely sometimes feel like he's "checking in on me" > the 2021 fuckery (more trauma) > homeless and feeling alone > now have stable housing > vaguely refer to self as plural and make a pk and list out like 6 headmates including yourself as one and the past tulpas > goes well and smoothly for a while, everyone's pretty happy despite acknowledging past trauma and working on that together > 2023 reset happens > make new accounts again and feel upset about all these past events > is happy and having a lot of fun all year > occasionally still feels like the logged pk headmates are vaguely around but can't really talk to them much anymore > sometimes fully switches out anyway but not too long > remembers these resets happened before and makes posts to 2019's freinds > mixed reception and lots of questions, 2023 gets overwhelmed and never answers back > now I feel guilty

✨️ I will now explain in more detail.

So for the last 10 years, probably a little longer by like a year or two but I can't be precise, I've known about plurality, DID, tulpas and other concepts like this. I've also been aware of kins/therians/otherkin/fictionkin and so on and related concepts for much longer, 20 years or so, give or take a year or two again. I've never been very good at role-playing, and I struggled to "play" anyone but myself.

Since learning about systems, I took an interest in them. In the concept of being able to step back and let someone else take control. The idea was extremely appealing. I've been traumatized from a childhood of neglect and abuse, and life was starting to get to the point it was wearing me down to nothing. I wanted to take a break, to "die but not die" as I had put it back then. To "go away" with little financial consiquence and come back when I felt recharged. I wasn't really sure how I felt about sharing my life, but was willing to if it meant I could sometimes take a break. Gladly.

So I did a lot of research, quietly reading and observing people online. Maybe it was a little creepy, like watching a fandom from afar and learning what the show they liked was about secondhand through them. I think after I learned about how DID presents, I decided it wasn't really how I was at all and concluded for sure I was not and never could be a system since I did not talk to voices in my head, loose control of my body, nor have severe trauma (to me at the time, this is definitely not the case) and therefore I was not a system. I still watched from afar though.

I think I learned about tulpas around then. I knew I wasn't ever going to have DID due to my conclusions at the time, so I guess I could emulate a headmate until my brain thought it was real. And I still do think you can do this, don't get me wrong, I am fascinated by the human mind and how we process things and the nature of consciousness from a scientific level. I don't think its too far fetched for our brains to be able to do this, genuinely, even if I choose weird ways to describe it.

Anyway, I did try to make a tulpa a few times, maybe twice honestly, but each of them eventually got angry with me once they got to the point they could talk freely. The anger was about me doubting their existence after they were no longer being consciously forced and could do things without my input. Each time, after a little bit of arguing for weeks, they would disappear and I would be left feeling alone in scilence and upset at the fact that I ultimately caused them to leave me.

I have, in the past, "reset" myself somehow. I don't think I did it intentionally, I'm not even sure if there's a common trigger. It's happened a few times. It's happened in the past but I have no real memory of them except for vague feelings and fuzzy memories that feel like I'm seeing someone else's life. However I do remember more about the last two times than any other times.

The first of these was around 2016 I think, and that version of "me" now feels like a complete seprate being who has their own name, likes and dislikes, interests and hobbies, spiritual and political beliefs, and vision of themselves in terms of looks and self-concept. And then in 2019 that version of "me" got packed away into the back of my mind and suddenly I was someone else.

This 2019 "me" had some leftover interests, and of course had any knowledge nessicary to still life the continuous life that having a body and a presence requires, like knowledge of family and friends, jobs and schedules, and so on. It felt like taking over someone else's life, but none of their stuff is really yours. Their freinds suddenly feel like strangers, or at best acquaintances you could say "hello" to but really couldn't hold a conversation with anymore. Even interests and hobbies that carried over were either dampened feeling or the focus of that interest/hobby changed significantly enough that it wasn't really expressed in the same ways. 2019 "me" enjoyed art and drawing with a lot of the same enthusiasm that 2016 did, but with less of a focus on furry and more of a focus on anime, and in particular diving into the world of en ess eff double-yew, which 2016 was not interested in the least but 2019 was vigorously passionate about lol

The further back in versions of "me" we go, the fuzzier it gets. But the general feeling is the same. You wake up in a room with someone else's clothes, books, toys and collections and you have to fight yourself to not immediately throw them all out. You know that would just make them sad. And they do kind of pop back in, although usually only for a short time, a few hours to maybe a day or two, where you just suddenly feel like the past you is you again and everything from the name association, hobbies and beliefs come crashing back like a tidal wave, washing "current you" out of the picture for the time. And besides, they miss their friends. You think about their freinds from time to time, wanting to talk again, wanting to make the lingering sadness happy again...

Its happened again, 2023. I remember more clearly about 2019, since that was the "me" before me.

During 2019 me's "life" I went through another pretty traumatic event involving others who I trusted at the time, ended up homeless and really effed up. Obviously I made it out okay for the most part, I'm still alive and I'm here. I think 2019 me started dying around that time though.

And as it felt like 2019 me was dying, "others" started to feel like they were there. Past "me's" and the past tulpas and others as well who I never tried to intentionally create or who I remember as being a "reset." They would sometimes take over, like in that I would feel like I would suddenly be them and identified myself with their name, enjoyed their likes and hobbies, the dislikes, the views and opinions. And I wasn't actually "me" anymore, I was fully "them" in my opinion. Like a shape shifter who still feels themselves in the back of the current "you." Not really like a performance, like it was natural and correct.

At this point I want to notice we had stable housing and a stable job. Things were looking up around the time it felt like 2019 me was fading. While homeless "I" was the only one present, struggling to stay alive takes your full effort and attention and leaves very little room for thoughts pondering your potential identity. But after having a safe place to live is when we had that boom of sudden activity.

A lot of not much happens except daily life and occasional switches logged, happily accepting self as plural. Quietly too, I never ended up announcing it to anyone, and for most people we appeared as a single entity that just sometimes got into specific "moods." I was never actually interested in being loudly plural, even when I desired being plural from afar. Even back then I agreed (with myself lol) that if I ever found out I was plural we would keep it to ourselves and enjoy each other's company like an in-joke nobody else would ever be aware of but us.

But we did start to fade a bit, and after maybe just a month into 2023 everyone disappeared.

After the 2023 reset, I was left all alone, with all the knowledge of everything that happened. I felt again like a stranger in someone else's body, in their life. I knew inherently to keep up the charade and not tell anyone. I knew I couldn't just go up to 2019's friends and tell them "I'm sorry but you're a stranger to me now, like my sibling's friend's friends, and I'm really hurt by this because now i feel alone and empty." Nobody takes that the right way.

And I found a new fandom to be interested in so I could just pretend and "be someone else" and not have to address to 2019's friends why I suddenly stopped talking to them. New accounts, new personality. No name. Had several months of happy fun fandom time before the really bad feelings about abandoning my freinds and not explaining what happened at all to them started to set in.

Still, I was happy. I got to exist freely this time, maybe I could openly be plural online! But you know, the whole emptiness and they disappeared thing. It sucked, but I got little whispers here and there. Now that I think about it, I think they never really disappeared but just got super weak.

Whatever, the point here is I want them to come back but we keep having strained communication and difficulty with fuzziness any time any "non-me's" try to take over.

And I felt guilty.

So I messaged some of 2019's friends recently with mixed reception. Some of who just seemed like they were happy to hear anything at all after I disappeared completely for almost a whole year. Some who never really responded, Some of who I'm not even sure if they have seen it. Nobody really angry or anything. I didn't use any words like "plural" or "headmate" or anything. I explained it all as the past me being packed away completely, including the things they cared about, but still feeling that little sadness about it. Nobody brought up plurality either. I'm okay with that, I don't know if it's good to just suggest that out of nowhere to someone. But the lack of any question about that, especially from people who I know actually do know about systems, made me think really hard about if anything I expereinced here was even a plural thing or if it was just a mind trick I did because I was struggling with long lasting traumas. And I understand how ridiculous that sounds. I'm aware. I'm just trying to get it down in words that can be understood, it evokes that feeling of knowing you're right but fearing you're mistaken.

I'm so sorry I'm really tired and I didn't realize how long this post would take to type. I just got out of an exhausting shift at work and am so low on my battery words are starting to feel a bit strange for no reason.

So to cut the rest, the point in making this post is outside validation that I either AM or that I AM NOT making shit up because I wanted to be plural 10 years ago, or that I fucked up my brain by trying to make tulpas, or that I just discovered being a system through making tulpas I guess, or like what.

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY I am super upset and feel really bad and guilty and responsible for not being attached to anything from 2019's life, including their freinds and I have no idea why I have these "resets" and is that just a normal "living and growing as a person" thing or is that what splitting or whatever feels like or like... is that just me being an asshole?

Am I an asshole?

I feel so empty, no name, no freinds, no real personality except the emulation of an anime character... abandoned everyone I cared about for almost a whole year... its hard and requires a lot of effort to "be" the others, or even talk to them... I'm so tired.

[brattyfrenchvampire]

Fictives or fiction kin of multiple sources, have you noticed patterns from source to source that make it confusing to figure out what memory came from which past?

Anyways, had a memory of the red-haired bastard stabbing me. The problem is, I can't see or recall which one did it. Who am I supposed to be pissed with? 🤣 It sounds like a Ruthven thing but I was shocked. Because of my reaction it makes me question if it was Diluc. Like, Ruthven makes it very clear he doesn't like me. He probably would have killed me if not for Luca the first time we had an argument. But I don't know...stabbing seems a bit uncalled for...kind of petty for a vampire. I could have been surprised he used a weapon and not his fangs or claws, not that he injured me. If it was Diluc I probably deserved it. I don't recall much from that life as actual memories but more of feelings if that makes sense? I still say it fills some gaps that I couldn't figure out otherwise. I have heard in canon that Kaeya's eye is still functional. Yeah, I don't think my past had the same outcome because I can't see shit out of that eye when all my system mates can.

On to the actual memory:

The memory started after I was already stabbed and he had his back turned to me. All I saw was long red hair, muscular build, and a long coat. (Not too helpful 😅) As I was holding my side I was angry and confused. "You stabbed me!?" He didn't respond. I couldn't tell what the silence meant or what he was feeling (and clearly I don't even know who it was). I don't know if it was a 'just shut up and die' silence or a 'oh I guess I really did that' silence. I guess it depends on who stabbed me and what I did that resulted in that. It was jarring to be dropped in the middle of a memory. I'm not sure why or how but we were cut off from everyone. Around us everything was a hazy purple. Magic? A different dimension? It's hard to explain. It was like we were removed from space and time. When I fell and I was staring at what was above me I remember seeing stars. Yet, I had the impression we were, at least in the unaltered physical world, at an indoor location. Perhaps a star observatory? (I'm 95% sure it was Ruthven.) The haze starts fading and I see bookshelves...a study? I hear feet rushing towards me and the memory stops. Now I know for a fact while it was a rough wound to heal, I didn't meet my end there. I had vague flashes of me resting in bed and changing the bandages. There was a woman that helped me to recover. (Amelia? Jeanne?) I was insistant whoever it was that she was the only one to see me like that even though others were worried. This all tracks from my main source except the actual stabbing. If Ruthven wanted me dead he would snap my neck and be done. For that matter he could drain my blood if he wanted. Stabbing seems too...human? But Ruthven was always calculative...

It's weird and random how this memory came out of nowhere. The timing is poor too as I've recently kinfirmed Kaeya AND Noé joined our system. Both events could trigger memories and they involve the two sources I'm attempting to figure out. I can take context clues but I don't know enough about Genshin to rule things out. All I can do is place checkmarks in the Vanitas column.

[take-meowt]

⏳, ❔, ❤️, 💔, 🤝, ✔️, ✖️, ✨, 👕, 🎶, 🖼️, 🎂, 🫂, 😒, 🖍️, 💥, 🐦, 🌌, 🔮, 👥

⏳ - time is a bit funky for me but i made this account in late may, so since sometime before then roughly.

❔- the 1st episode with peter the panda, i saw red and had beef ever since. /lh

❤️ - that's hard because i don't remember much to begin with, but i loved being at home with my family.

💔 - i don't have one atm

🤝 - this is complicated because i'm a fictive and our system originated from trauma, and so i feel... less real as a result, like i can't be spiritual in any way because the way we collectively exist is because of a disorder. i feel like i'm just here because there was stuff the person who was here before couldn't cope with so the system split me.

tldr: i'd say psychological, even if i really want it to be spiritual

it is a bit different with our kins, those we consider spiritual. make of that what u will /lh

✔️ - from what i can remember, i'd say 90% of them?

✖️- to my knowledge there aren't really any details that are different besides stuff that wasn't shown. and while there are things i don't like about my source, that isn't really an indication of whether or not those specific details are different

✨ - same as source

👕 - i have a t-shirt that's almost the same shade as my fur, and i'd love to get a fedora sometime. besides that, there isn't much

🎶 - sadly not many. there are a couple phineas and ferb songs. even though it doesn't really make sense i associate the song 'urs' by niki with myself because of an edit i watched (and regularly rewatch). i also have a perryshmirtz playlist but most of the songs i associate more with doofenshmirtz than myself

🖼️ - i don't really know much about aesthetics tbh, but anything teal and orange

🎂 - don't ask why because i can't explain it but seafood for some reason

🫂 - the flynn-fletcher family and doofenshmirtz for sure. i'm sure i was close to vanessa and norm as well, i have a really strong attachment to them at the very least, but i don't remember how close we were sadly

😒 - peter the panda. i'm also frustrated with monogram because he has not once paid carl for his work as an intern and he also never gave me vacation time

🖍️ - video games, more so the specific video games i play. also i found yesterday that i really like color coding things and i feel like that's something i would have enjoyed in my canon too

💥 - everythiiing, i lost all of my training and this body gets so exhausted very easily (i have slight anemia), it's depressing

🐦 - everything. my fur, my tail, everything. i hate how tall i am. this body feels way too big for me and i fucking hate it

🌌 - sometimes i feel my tail

🔮 - so u know how in season 5 doofenshmirtz was trying to guess what perry is short for and one of the names he guessed was periwinkle? well, i picked out the name periwinkle well before that episode came out and then i went and watched that episode and i think if i had a drink at that moment i would've done an actual spit-take. i view it as a coincidence personally but i still think it's hilarious.

i even posted about it on this blog: https://www.tumblr.com/take-meowt/785605862791184384/i-just-started-watching-the-new-episodes-im-on?source=share

👥 - i haven't found any canonmates, but i've found plenty of sourcemates! honestly most of the system hasn't really been interested in finding canonmates specifically in a while. but sourcemates, yes! always!

[abysshare]

Yellow again 👋

Sorry if this question is obvious but what's an IRL? And what's the difference between that and Otherkin?

I love finding art of my kintype that depicts what mine was/did specifically too it's always a joy (especially with my seaserpent kintype)That sounds really pretty and it also sounds like a species that might actually exist in show or something. The star also reminds me of Starlight from Rainbow Brite (he's not a unicorn tho)

I love how you're kintypes are like: Siren⚡, Zombie🧟, Hellhound 🐕‍🦺🖤, The Void 🕳️,... and 😸Kitty✨

Never heard of a Harlequin bunny so that's definitely rare. The Void being a kintype is super cool, what's that like? That specific type of Hellhound is definitely unique but I'm not sure how rare they are in general. I'm not angelkin or fallen angelkin so I can't say anything but maybe looking at the angel hierarchy system or what your kintype wanted to accomplish could tell if it was an angel or something else. I think anything that's everywhere that doesn't fit your kintype will seem like too much (also the amount of people who are not even otherkin that use that tag 🤢) I have seen a lot more people use #actually angelic when they're angelkin so you can look at that.

I'd love to talk about my rare kintypes too but this is getting long so I'll probably do it in the next ask 😅 but mine are: Skeletonkin

Red foxkin

Seaserpentkin (kinda, it's more of a sea lindworm)

Daimonkin (helper demon basically)

hi again!!!!

Its okay! I'm not the best at describing things, but best way i can put it is IRLs ( or maybe you have heard them also as Delusional Attatchments / DAs ) is connected to folks with Psychosis / Schizo spec. They ARE that animal/object/character and its hard to seperate them from whatever they ID as.

Like i have an IRL of Vanny from FNAF. I am Vanny, no I'm not a murderer in this life and i do not condone it, but shes apart of me.

The differences ? I am not clear other than one is psychosis/schizophrenia exclusive and one isn't. I'm sure someone has a better explaination!

RIGHT? i love finding art and going "oh hey thats me/familiar". At some point i should try to draw some of my kins once i remember more things about em. Ohh i'll have to look that up 👀

HAHA YEAH. I think that may be a good summary of our personality ( emo emo hater emo... HAPPY FELLOW!!!!!!!!! RAINBOWS!!! ).

sometimes you're the devil, sometimes you're the angel /silly

The Void has heavy ties to our Host, who is a Black Hole Celestial. In general its like.. being cold and dark and mysterious. Kind of lonely. I think it helps us with our constant lonesomeness in real life ( not a vent, just an explaination <3 )

Thank you!! Yeah its crazy :/ I have been trying to look for actual otherkin and therian folks but sometimes they.. aren't that??? They're just ?? Idk what they are doing but its so bad.

sure go ahead!!!

I haven't heard of any of those!!! I think I've heard of fennec and snow foxes?? But not a red fox.

Skeleton kin GOES SO HARD. I'm interested to hear about that as well as Daimonkin.

LETS GO!!! sea serpent rocks!!!

Maybe I'll drop my full list one day.

[smolsilver]

Hihi! My name is Vinny. I can also be called Silver or Red.

This is my age/pet regression sideblr. I have a hard time regressing, so I hope this encourages me to do so. It's a comforting thing that I'm scared about letting myself do, but I'm trying to work on that.

I'm the host of a system: The Revive System.

Um.. I don't know what else to add.

This is kinda kin-alligned in theme? I'm a Red fictive who kins Silver so... take that how you will.

Oh! I tend to not understand stuff right away. Especially if things are really confusing. I'm absolutely open to having stuff be explained to me in like reblogs or asks.

I also use tone tags that look like code!

<example>Like this!</example>

Mostly because I don't understand a good amount of them and I don't wanna accidentally use the wrong ones.

About, DNI, and Tags are under cut!

Body Age: 25

Regression Age Range: 8-12

Pet Regressions: (Void) Cat, Monster pup, (Johtonian) Sneasel

Pronouns: He/They/Bug

Likes: Pokemon, Kirby, Sonic

Dislikes: Butterflies

DNI:

Fictional Caregivers: Dr. House, Kaiba, Maxie

NSFW/Kink/etc

Proshipper/Anti-Anti

Terf

MAP

Thinspo or pro EDs

Transmed

Nazi

Tag List:

Those who are bodily 16 or younger

<>Stolen from Elm's Lab - Casual reblog

<>Celebi is Watching - This is an interaction.

<>Heart of Platinum - Pride stuff or flag stuff.

<>Left on Red - Me kinda just talking. May or may not be a vent. Who knows.

<>PokeGear Radio - An Ask or message or whatever.

<>Call from Youngster Joey - Anon sent stuff.

[acacia-shade]

probably could call us a hybrid system but idk, it's not a label we've ever properly picked us for a couple reasons that don't matter here. We're mostly answering just for our experiences that are on the more singlet end here.

I'm going to be honest one of the reasons I don't really tell people in my life about my system stuff is I never know how to describe my own experience that well, especially to someone who doesn't know what plurality is to begin with. I don't really like a bunch of the common metaphors people use for myself but I don't really have anything better either so I just don't explain at all. I can describe a bunch of other stuff about ourselves but what and how we are as a whole just escapes me.

Yeah we do. we've got a bunch of differences between the lot of us but most of those differences are small, and it's not that many differences each I guess? it's like. one might like a different name more, another might like different pronouns, another might feel a bit older, but all the rest of the details about each of those guys are roughly the same, you know? There aren't actually a bunch of hard lines but it's like if you look as a gradient with one end that's red, and one that's blue. It's kind of hard to say when it stops being red exactly but there is a section that is clearly not red, and vice versa for blue.

I guess we do. A lot of it is existing in the same place but we do interact some. I'm not going to say anything else about it because the more I think about this, the more I have a hard time deciding who "counts" as part of the more median-y singlet-y bit and who doesn't. Communication abilities and levels differ between everyone here, not just the parts relevant to this.

Yes, that's actually how we know that most parts (relevant to this) exist at all. We notice some difference and go "oh, I'm a thing, ok then". We don't notice a lot of switches fast because it just feels like becoming a bit different, often in was that aren't immediately noticeable. Just like moving down that gradient we mentioned before.

The less median-y guys we have have more significant differences from the median-y folks, and generally have a greater capacity for like existing independently I guess. Like median-y folks exist around one(-ish) identity, and if we try and work them out seperate from the greater whole they just don't really make sense. Like, trying to understand one stroke on a painting doesn't really make sense because it's got other strokes under it and on top of it and to either side, and mixed in with it and it was never meant to exist alone. Alone it's not a picture of anything. More seperate parts are more like whole paintings. they don't (generally) rely on other parts to exist, and even if they're a bit messy or unfinished you can probably at least work out what the painting is supposed to be of. As I kind of mentioned before there are some parts that are kind of hard to classify though because they kind of have traits of being more and less independent simultaneously, or they fluctuate a bit.

our headspace is just a place we imagine when we want to interact in a more "physical" way when multiple folks are in/near front together. parts that aren't near front don't exist there. more median-y parts typically present in the roughly consistent form they tend to share. as in like. as one singular guy even if there are a couple of them hanging around. we can appear separately but in those cases eyes are always averted because it just feels really weird to see. even if we communicate or "physically" interact a bit, looking feels wrong in a way I can't fully describe. something about looking at a copy of yourself but also something about being perceived when you don't know how you're supposed to look, or aren't supposed to be perceived like that at all.

It's really hard to say. We have long since given up trying to work out if a certain identity or two are more like kin shifts or seperate guys. we prefer the kin shift explanation because we like having the identities and don't want to "loose them" if that makes sense? I do think some folks are more connected to them or less connected to them but it's something we avoid thinking about too hard.

Hello, I have some questions for the medians on Tumblr. This is specifically for medians who lean closer to the singlet side of the spectrum than the multiple side. Feel free to answer as many or as little of these questions as you want, I just would like to hear more experiences. (I tried to make the wording be inclusive as possible, but let me know if something is wrong.)

In your own words, how would you describe yourself/selves? As in, if you had to give some kind of metaphor to someone who does not understand medianhood, plurality, etcetera at all, how would you do so?

Do you distinguish yourself/selves at all? Like, are there any lines between one or the other? Such as having different names or different pronouns; or even something like you all like/use the same name(s) or pronoun(s), but some of you prefer one name/pronoun slightly more than the others?

Do you have any communication with each other? Or, is it more like you're simply existing in the same body with each other, like how two co-workers can be aware of each other but never really talk?

Can you/yourself/selves switch or front? What does it feel like, and how does it work? Or can you not switch/front?

If you are/in a chimera/hybrid system (have both multiple and median headmates), can you distinguish between multiple and median members? How so?

(Sort of a continuation of the above) again, if you are/in a chimera/hybrid system, and if you have a headspace of any sort, are there any differences between median and multiple headmates there?

If you/yourself/selves are also another type of alterhuman, does that have any influence? Do certain selves feel more of a connection to a certain alterhuman identity more than others, or are you all equally connected to that identity?

[jukeboshmallow]

wait so do you kin eugene

yea and no I guess lol

[multiplicity-positivity]

hi!! So, I'm really confused, and you're the only blog I know of to ask-

So, I'm the host, I discovered my system some months ago, when in my headspace, i can either only barely make out my own appearance, or I'm vaguely "me" (p much like the body), it's a little hard for me to visualize myself usually

Within the past week or two, upon trying to interact in headspace, I now can clearly see myself, however everytime I look like a v specific design of a character from my current hyperfixation, not even my favorite or a character I kin, it feels random?

So, my first thought was maybe we have a new fictive, but I only just watched the source recently and I haven't had anything too bad happen lately asides from stress, tho I don't know much about how splits work in my system yet-

My second thought is maybe this is just bc of being autistic? And being hyperfixated? But again I feel like if that was the case it would be the character design I'm hyperfocused on?

Idk, sorry this is rambley, I've been trying to figure this out and have gotten v confused and think I need a second opinion !! Thank you in advance ^^;

Hiya! Um, we’re not sure what kind of system you are, but we can say that many systems develop headmates for a huge variety of different reasons!! It’s not unheard of for a system to develop headmates due to their special interests, hyperfixations, or as a result of their neurodivergencies! :3

But like, if your system is traumagenic (whether fully or mixed origins), it would probably be a good idea to rule out trauma as a potential origin for this new headmate rather than just assuming they formed due to a hyperfixation. And it’s possible for both trauma and a hyperfixation to play a role in the formation of a new headmate!!

And, they may not be a headmate at all! If this is how you view yourself in your headspace, that may just be what’s happening, without being more complicated than that! Headspaces are visualization tools of fantasy and imagination, and what’s seen in the headspace doesn’t always have to be an indication of some deeper inner-system workings!! If that makes sense? Sorry if that sounds weird >_<

But like, within our paracosm, some members of our system appear as Jedi (from the Star Wars universe)! They’re not actually Jedi, and the presence of these alters as Jedi doesn’t mean we’ve obtained new fictives in our system… that’s just how these members present themselves when they’re engaging with the paracosm! Sorry if that doesn’t make much sense. Our system has a headspace that’s separate from our paracosm, but other systems may find these two things are one in the same! Basically it’s up to you to choose how you appear in your headspace, and just because you look different in the headspace than you do in real life doesn’t necessarily mean a new system member is around. Although it could mean that?? It’s really up to you and your system and how y’all choose to explain and define what you’re experiencing! :3

Sorry if this reply is all over the place or doesn’t make much sense! We haven’t been feeling well, but we wanted to at least try and explain what we think could be happening here. We definitely don’t have all the answers though! >_<”

💚 Ralsei and 🌸 Margo