#I'm so tired and done with everything
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Can't just one thing go right this month? ONE??
#this month: from July 3rd to August 3rd#but tbh it feels like this downhill has been going on since june#and for further proof the draft of this post didn't get saved the first time#I'm so tired and done with everything#freedle rants
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Behold the dumbest mini comic idea I've had yet
#I hated drawing this#EVERYTHING went wrong#If you look closely I half assed the shading to just be done with it already#But I wasted time on this so goddamnit if I don't post it to get the clout I deserve!!!!#/j#It's 3am#I'm tired#team fortress 2#tf2#heavymedic#red oktoberfest#tf2 heavy#tf2 medic#team fortress fanart#tf2 fanart
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I'm just going to say it. the attitude I'm seeing in the Silmarillion fandom from those who have never watched the ROP show, but are enjoying gifsets of the Annatar/Brimb scenes and expressing that it has them interested in those portrayals, while continuing to loudly assert that the Celebrimbor casting is atrocious because he's 'old and blond' fucking disgusts me.
#literally so what that he's over the age of 30 and blond#charles edwards LOVED this role and he poured his whole heart into it#and he loves Tolkien#and his portrayal was amazing and I'm so grateful that this was the celebrimbor we got#and at this point the rejection of him out of hand on his looks is so disgustingly shallow and ageist#especially after s2#i'm so fucking done#he was PERFECT casting#literally PERFECT#and the interplay between him and charlie and the framing of that relationship as the progression of abuse#was amazing#it was everything the characters deserved#rings of power#tired of the ageism in this fandom fr#i'm tired of elves having to look like 30something twinks to be acceptable#anyway sorry i'm choosing violence over this one#i really am
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I bring a sort of "flawed female characters can be fun and enjoyable blorbos - both flawed in terms of having character flaws and in terms of having occasionally flawed writing" that it appears many, many, many people do not like
#i'm sorry for all the annoyance lately. i've been tired.#and a lot of the media i'm enjoying right now has focal female characters so i'm seeing the most absolute stupid takes of all time#anyways. cyan did have a character arc actually and her arc's flaws are largely similar to my criticisms of lin ling and yang cheng's arcs#so i don't appreciate the double standard#tianxi is just as interesting as tianchen if you actually read into her character the way one would for any underdeveloped male character#we don't even know anything about shao yuanyuan yet either why does everyone shit on her. i mean i get it i'm unimpressed with#her leaving her son behind - that is undeniably shitty. but there are so many who just don't want to see anything more of her. why???#yes wang qing got less screentime and marketing than hhh. but we actually have just as much if not more concrete info about her#than we do for any of those three. why is it that i mostly just see people complaining about her lack of screentime instead of#making five million headcanons for her the way hhh gets? :/#and like. all the arcane female characters. i'll admit i never did get as attached to caitlyn as i wanted to. but man.#i don't make arcane posts or interact with the fandom for a reason. the only female characters people seem to like are jinx and isha#mel has been done a great disservice in fandom imo. she is wayyy more interesting than just being beautiful.#and mizi is not a manipulator. wtf is your problem#i legitimately have no idea what kind of female character it would take to actually be considered good.#people want flaws but then completely misinterpret her. bad character writing means she's bad female rep.#it doesn't matter that people would lovingly take a guy with mediocre writing and give him a better arc. she's just “boring”#a male character can have the same internal conflict as a female character and everything about how she treats it is wrong.#writers then “play it safe” by giving their female characters external problems to overcome instead of internal ones#thus making her... “boring”. again.#same general issue applies to any character with a slightly darker skin tone too. doubly so for darker skinned women.#anyways. i am really scared for queen's arc honestly. i've already seen people being more excited for X than her#and shitting on her for being a “nepo baby” (???)#meanwhile i am concerned that they are going to play it too safe with her writing thus making her “strong woman” whose problems are#all external#that most of her drive will be related to the two older men in her life with no nuance (i'm hoping not but this is always a fear)#or that they will delve into a messier internal conflict and everyone is going to hate her except for the handful of people who#actually have a baseline understanding of women's issues. lmao.#liu yuwei get behind me.#storyrambles
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GIGI'S 2024 GPOSE WRAPPED
i only started at the end of 2023, so i feel like i've really learned a lot over the past year :') it's been so much fun bringing these ideas to life!! (also ty meg @lilas for letting me borrow avi for may <3)
#i won't lie the first leo shot is still everything to me#and wild that jan-may were done with anam lmao why did i do that to myself for so long !#but i love looking back at them !!!#i want to get better tho esp with lighting !! maybe i will take. a clear shot for once. goals for next year !#but i'm really proud of all my work :')#sorry i didn't do a template or make this look nicer skdfjsfd im tired !#ffxiv#oc: emile jenidaut#gpose wrapped
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The Right Hand
On his way to carry out orders.
#gposers#elezen#duskwight#drow#ffxiv Viedyn#canon Viedyn#the shadows on the floor were my everything#he's so regal#not someone you want to meet in a dark hallway#I figured out how to get FFXIV to display on both monitors#for gpose purposes#this was actually just to test if this could be done#I have something planned using this format#Although I'll have to be a bit careful since tumblr compresses anything too large#I honestly should've tried this one more time to tweak some things#but I'm drafting this at 5:20am#and I'm so tired#So we're calling it good so my brain can shut down#I just heard a bird chirp I am so fucked
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#kirby#kirbear#plushies#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#I've been slowly repairing my baby blanket#unpicking all the decades of old stitches and everything.#she's actually in incredibly good shape for her age#but her edges are giving out#so I unpicked the old hems and put a border on her#and darned the corner that was too destroyed to reach the border#I still have to unpick and redarn the hole torn by my childhood cat#(weird little fun fact: my baby blanket is genderfluid for some reason?)#(right now she is her and she has been her in the past but she has also been him in the past.)#it's a lot of work because I have to finish whole chunks at once so she's stable enough to sleep with at night#I can't leave big raw vulnerable edges just because I'm tired#but it's mostly done now#(and yes I took a couple little videos of her old repairs because they were a part of her. especially the oldest ones.)#there's lots of people who do stuffed animal restoration and stuff but I haven't found anyone that does baby blankets :(#so I'll just learn to do it myself.
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Hey little gay people in my phone, can you wish me good luck for tomorrow?
#thank you#i really do need it#like#i know that he wouldn't call me over and make me commute just to tell me he doesn't want to deal with me anymore#especially because I have another meeting scheduled in a week#but my anxiety is going crazy and I've not been able to sleep on top of that#i just need someone to tell me that#Like#i see the logic option here#but my brain won't care about it#Also#even if he told me that we need to change something it wouldn't be the end of the world#i know that#but I'm still afraid of crashing my car on the way back if not#help#You know what#he's probably going to tell me that everything I did is shitty#and still it wouldn't be the end of the world#but it would be so much work#and i'm so tired#so so so tired#But then i could also fight back#and just beg at this point#who cares#I just want to be done#to be done before my grandpa gets too old#I'm going to throw up
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I don’t feel like myself. I don't think there's much of myself I should feel like. I don't know if I'm a horrible person. I don't know if I'm the problem. I don't know if I'm over reacting. I just want to be seen. I want to be valued. I want someone to care about my thoughts regardless of if I'm part of their religion. I want to stop making my depression everyone's problem. But it feels serious. And I'm not making it everyone's problem. I've barely talked about it. No one has really noticed. I'm not doing well. I'm kinda the worst I've ever been. I wish someone would ask but I don't want to talk. Y'know?
#leaving mormonisim#deconstructing religion#depersonalization#trauma#childhood trauma#emotional abuse#vent#deconstructing christianity#sorry for being depressing#tw sui ideation#tw s3lf harm#youngest sibling#emotional neglect#toxic family#i'm done#i'm dying#So tired#Everything is too much#Nothing is helping
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Raise your hand if you feel utterly behind in life 🫠
#i told my therapist that i'm tired of being lazy#sorry for the L word#i just have no energy or motivation to do much of literally anything except distracting myself from the pain#of everything that should be done#i'm JUST a guy. but also an adult who should idk know better??? but i don't i am SO unbelievably lost#and it really just feels like I'm alone in this feelind and I know I'm not but the people around me don't seem to get it#or maybe I just need to lock in and get over myself#but I really really can't lmfao#ANYWAYS-
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Ugh, I kinda feel like I need a LONG break from life right now...
#zahra's posts#personal post#don't mind me I'm just so done with everything lately#can't deal with how difficult things are right now anymore#might keep it low in the following days I'm just so tired#and I hate that I can't even write to at the very least keep me distracted#yeah that definitely adds up to this damn feeling#ugh#certainly the strongest writer's block I've ever dealt with#I just don't see the end
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just need to get the failure out of my system
#every time i set myself up to be disappointed#based on those research papers abt melatonin i thought maybe this will finally be the thing that gets me to be tired at night#didn't work. i have never and will never be normal. i would even be happy with dspd because you can work graveyard shifts.#but having a schedule that unrelentingly advances is simply not compatible with society#and i keep grasping at straws but the truth is there's no fixing it#if i could sleep hygiene and willpower my way into a healthy sleep schedule i would have done it by now#i'm just tired. the entire world thinks i'm lazy. i just need to power through the sleepless nights.#and i did. for my entire childhood and teenage years.#but it turns out chronic sleep deprivation will wreck your shit permanently#so what else can i do. i promise i've tried everything. i swear i'm not just lazy. i've been like this as long as i can remember.#i think i must still have some worth even if i can't work an 8-5 job#just have to figure out what it is and start accepting
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#i gotta go get my T bloodwork done tomorrow#which is fine but like#last time i was there the nurse was REALLY weird and they were pretty annoyed with me#because i hadn't come in for a long time#because life shit happened including breaking my ankle#and it's the same situation now but like so much fucking worse#and i don't want them to be assholes to me about it or about how i kind of miss shots quite a bit#like that's A Thing#it's a problem for me#but i don't deserve AT ALL to get scolded for it or treated like I'm doing something wrong#ugh i just have a chip on my shoulder#i know it has the potential to go fine and i am bringing backup with me#but EVERYTHING has gone wrong lately!#and if this goes wrong there is every chance it'll drive me to getting the stuff online and not getting bloodwork AT ALL#and I want to tell them that but I feel like they'd just be shitty about it because ultimately they may be an inclusive clinic#but they are still medical professionals and gatekeepers at heart and you can't trust medpros and gatekeepers further than you can spit#idk man I'm an adult just leave me alone to do my thing and accept that I will be in once a year for sure but no promises on more than that#i'm tired in advance#idk i just got the feeling last time that they were accusing me of getting my T illicitly and it's like bitch im not but even if i was#aren't you supposed to be a place people can be honest about their situations? am i not here jumping through your hoops to do it legally?#im doing what you wanted but the thing is I DON'T HAVE TO and if you keep acting weird im going to have to STOP#because i don't have energy to deal with my disintegrating life AND gatekeeping judgy bullshit#do cis men have to dance like this?
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Togami Time! Byakuya Time works too but I like the alliteration of the first. Spoilers ahead of course!
For Byakuya's casual attire, I gave him that very standard rich man polo. I did spice it up a bit with a black, fairly slick turtleneck underneath that hugs his body. I decided to also have his polo tucked in for extra style points along with the addition of the belt. I like giving this man belts after all. Unless he's in his fancy pajamas, he's wearing a belt the majority of the time! And, of course, his clothes, though a bit basic in a way, cost a lot of money. Sorta honed slight bits from his bad ending attire oddly enough. It wasn't much but just that sorta sporty look in a way. I dunno what the jacket he wore would be called but it gives me slight sporty vibes. Thus, Byakuya's giving off some flamboyant golfer energy which, to be fair, he probably knows how to golf for the most part. For his business attire, I initially drew a more elaborate design (no worries. it'll be seen at some point!!) though I toned it down a lot more for work. He may be fashionable but he's also a man of practicality in many regards. Thus, he's got a pocket watch and a basic suit with some flairs. Specifically, I gave him some emerald colored brooches in his hair and on his tie, hinting back to how he likes the Scarab Brooch in game. After all, with age, I feel the main facets of his interests wouldn't change. The guy is still into those dark academia type stuff. Also, the gold elbow pads are just cus. I dunno. They might be a bit much but I felt a bit bad for just putting him in a suit at the same time! Some other bits I wish to mention about his business attire is that, though he does wear this for work, for my future AU, I see him working a lot at home as well! He's still quite involved with the Togami Conglomerate, but he's found a nice balance where he only needs to travel to other countries sometimes, not the majority. Byakuya deserves a break after all the stuff he went through both pre-tragedy, during the tragedy, and the clean up post-tragedy. That clean up is still occurring still (it's about a decade after dr3/the anime) so there's still work to be done. Byakuya has a bit less to do with the whole "helping to rebuild the economy thing" though since I like to think that, with his influence, he helps with that. Back to his work though, he mostly does this in a designated office area in his condo. He also does this in his mansion sometimes though crashes out into some of the other's places to work as well or just because he can. Speaking of that, though he does live in his condo, he likes to roam a lot and sometimes ends up staying over with the others. It started out as a one time deal before it slowly became the thing he does. His primary targets are Kyoko and Makoto in their apartment and Toko and Komaru in theirs. He does go to Hiro's place as well though to "make sure the idiot isn't causing trouble" and he also goes to Hina's too though less than Hiro's. He'd mostly just be in Toko and Komaru's place if he wanted to check up on Hina cus, though they are friends, the two still like to butt heads. Plus, in this AU, Hina doesn't even live that far away from Toko and Komaru anyway. I headcanon that they all live fairly close from one another cus they all still like spending time together. Thus, thems the rules in this AU. However, despite this man's resilience to not stay at his own damn condo, he's not mooching off of any of them... for the most part. He makes sure to repay anything, sometimes to an annoying degree like him making himself coffee in the morning and then just chucking money in their face before they can say anything. Either that or the man just goes and orders a fancy ass dinner while saying that he "ordered too much" which is just his weird way of showing that he cares for them all. That's not to say that he does that all the time. He understands fully that none of his friends are here for his money. The man can sometimes do it anyway out of habit though he's less bad with this than he was years ago.
For his body type, it's fairly basic, perhaps a little average. A little squishy in some areas which ironically makes him kinda huggable despite him still being aloof in nature. His slight squishy qualities are practically hidden to those who don't know him though. Besides, though he is squishy, that is not to say he should, by any means, be underestimated. He shares this quality with my Kyoko design in some ways (gotta love the togiri parallels) Basically, though he's not super muscular, he could still kick ass. Besides, I feel he wouldn't be one to try and get super buff and all anyway. He probably COULD gain some very good muscle though. He probably just doesn't want to. Additionally, I have him in slightly different glasses. For one, they are to differentiate him much more from his canon design. I also thought the chains would be cool and that the rounded frames would be a nice contrast to all the spikes I gave him in his hair. It also compliments his slightly softer appearance as well, being an older man as well pushing 30. Gives him more of a sense that he's got a bit of fallibility. That he's still a human at the end of the day! He also is a bit nicer with age as well though still Byakuya Togami of course!
Out of all the elements I changed about my favorite guy, I think my favorite aspect is his hair. So many cute tufts! Plus, I am a sucker for him having long hair. I also feel I made a good balance between making him look like he could totally pull off the Polaris thing again and having him still look like a guy. But also, he's a bit androgynous as well! Hope you all enjoy this loser's design! The next design will be very soon! (1) | (4)
#danganronpa#danganronpa art#danganronpa fanart#danganronpa au#danganronpa byakuya#byakuya togami#thh spoilers#spoiler warning#their practically nonexistent but i'm leaving the warning here anyway cus why not. too lazy to edit out the blue text.#also i'm not kidding about the next character being soon btw. I am very much tired rn. it is 2am (almost 3am) when i posted byakuya#however the next character who's up is all done! i just have to go to bed and wake! then you will all see them very soon!#also since i must add this to some capacity. he mainly stays over with kyoko and makoto more than toko and komaru#it's mostly even though. and fun fact. i was initally just going to have him spend time with kyoko and makoto cus i am a sucker for the tri#HOWVER the tofu gods have struck me hard so i'm playing all sides now. though it's not like my form of shipping's that romantic#just byakuya being his aro ace self and worming his way into 3 people's hearts with his sassy aro ace charms. cus i say so#though i leave everything with room to just be a friendship instead of byakuya having 3 platonic life partners he hangs out with
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i wish i could organize a timkon giftswap or week or whatever event, but like only for people who actually care about kon as a character, without coming off as a gatekeeping asshole or something lmao
#rimi talks#i really love doing collaborative event stuff. however the horrors#timkon giftswap but in the signup form i put ''whats your favorite issue of superboy (1994)? how about robin (1993)?''#<- see that would get me branded a gatekeeper and asshole. but also hear me out............#you see........ the timkon tag is a fucking nightmare................#timkon giftswap but in the signup form i go ''lex luthor bernard dowd and jason todd are banned from this event btw''#i can't. i'm not strong enough. ksdjhfjkdhskj#but i WISH i could bc i do love events and collabs!!!! im just. SO tired of everything timkon being so shitty and ooc#bc like. the people who don't read comics latched onto timkon as The Tim Yaoi Ship™#instead of . like. reading comics and understanding why people like tim and kon's relationship to begin with#augh....... alas. i shall never run a timkon event. it simply cannot be done. but i can yearn silently in my heart
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having a full-blown ugly crying breakdown can truly be something so healing
#just had one whilst on the phone with my mom#which. i think i can count on one hand the times i have cried in front of my mom as an adult#i was calling her about something else entirely and suddenly she asked me if i was sad#and bam! full on crying snot everywhere can barely get a word out#i am just. so fucking tired. and i'm tired of being slightly taken advantage of by my siblings#i'm the one who has done most of the work with dad's apartment#packing up everything and making sure there are lists of what still needs to be done#i'm the one who sleeps in my own bed once a week and spend the other nights on a couch#i'm the one who make appointments with the landlord and i'm the one who'll show the apartment to new renters tomorrow#i'm the one who calls the moving/cleaning service to meet up and go through which boxes goes where#and then i have my siblings tell me they're so grateful that i'm unemployed because they wouldn't have been able to do this otherwise#i'm NOT unemployed i'm turning down shifts because they refuse to take time off because “it's so much at work rn”#love them to death but fuck me if i'm not one second away from snapping#AND on top of that that anon i got last night#made me feel like i'm the worst person possible and an even more awful friend#if i wasn't so fucking exhausted already i'd jump in front of a train#anyways. gonna cry a bit more about it bless.#i'm also the one who is going to have all his furniture and boxes in my apartment because they don't want to have it in theirs#they have storage rooms! i have a tiny apartment with barely any storage at all. fuck me.
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