#I'm...pretty fucking proud of this thing
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Thank you guys for dealing with me
#man I have just been really upset lately actually#late 2024 to now has just been the mask I didnt know I had was slipping#and me going “oh actually I'm pretty miserable and I was just trying to hide it from myself. what the fuck.”#and keeping those bad feelings away is getting harder and harder#i broke down completely a few days ago and had to leave dinner so my dad checked on me because I left my plate and i just. unloaded on him#I didn't even get to say everything because there's so much and im still learning how to articulate what makes me mad about my situation#he said that he can get me to see a professional (I was like LMAO FIRST TIME I SOB IN FRONT OF YOU UNPROMPTED YOU GET PROS INVOLVED?)#<- to be fair both my sisters asked for professional help and have been medicated before and he's on mental health meds too#he said maybe me talking to someone will make things better (I agree because maybe they'll help me be able to make a change in my house)#<- (cuz some stuff is just. unfair actually. and makes me super mad)#(like wdym the only minor works WAYYY more than half the house. wtf)#and also. since my social anxiety has been acting up lately and so has my paranoia. he said maybe medication would help#my social anxiety was so bad before school ended. whenever my Spanish teacher mentioned talking with people i felt sick#I've also hit my limit lately where if I'm having a bad day. one mildly annoying think makes me freak out and spiral#Like having to get toilet paper for the upstairs bathroom bc we ran out made me crash tf out#seeing people get paper plates made me so mad & complained to my sister who called me hostile for some things I said#<- And I started sobbing which was when my dad checked on me and i told him everything#man. being constantly environmentally conscious is so annoying when people in your house don't fucking care sometimes. i get sad#i feel like im personally being punished for needing to see people be wasteful because omg it gives me such guilt#sorry. tangent#i'm just really tired#of everything#I've felt like I've been annoying lately. that im not cool or funny or enjoyable#that I'm a burden you tolerate out of the goodness of your hearts or out of pity#I've felt like that for so so long#It's hard. realizing that being proud of my abilities was what kept me happy for so long. I am proud of what I can do#<- but I don't know if it's sustainable? loving yourself for accomplishments instead of for you#sorry for being depressing#vent
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I hope you never take advice from your friends
x
#I'm really fucking proud of this one ngl#this is the first time i've made a graphic with actual gifs#and I think it turned out pretty damn good tbh#evan buckley#eddie diaz#911 show#911 on abc#911 spoilers#buddie#911 on abc graphic#911 graphic#911 edit#911 show edit#buddie edit#evan buckley edit#eddie diaz edit#i can make things
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baby slept her longest stretch ever last night and i feel insane*
*normal
#seven and a half fucking hours are you kidding me!!!! Aurora!!!!!!!!!!!!#she's pretty consistent. goes to bed 7:30-8 then wakes up around 2am for a feed then again around 6am#but last night right when i was gonna sleep so like 11 she starts sucking her fingers in her sleep so I'm like maybe she's hungry#grab her. feed her. next thing i know I'm waking like is?? is that the fucking SUN?#so proud of her let's keep it up 💪🏼#m2a#parenthood
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the brainrot is telling me to do an evil karlach origin play through
#i feel like teaming up with gortash as karlach might get you some pretty stellar lines#especially if it's a version of her that's become ruthless and pragmatic#no way he wouldn't appreciate that#to see someone go through hell and come out exactly the same way he did#it would really confirm his worldview#maybe he'd even be kind of proud#and then of course she would betray him in the end#i feel like it'd be funny to get him all the way to the morphic pool and then kill him at the last minute#i'm not even sure if you can do that mechanically but it's like... give him so much false hope only to dash it at the last possible moment#that's vengeance baby#and you don't even have to harm the steel watch so you can repurpose them for yourself#god i don't know if i have it in me to start this game over for a fourth time though. this soon.#maybe i'll just write fanfic about it#the weird thing about npcs also being playable characters is you can play them massively out of character#which feels off but also like well yeah they're player characters in that scenario so the player has to have the choice#otherwise what's the point#it feels different with durge because they're not there if you don't pick them plus you can customize their appearance#so they feel more your own#plus the memory loss easily explains any change in personality#but it is also fun to explore the idea of alternate path lines for these characters that would never happen if they're npcs#i also kinda wanna do an astarion orgin with a minthara romance because i've heard they're really good together#apparently minthara is highly turned on if he ascends. naturally.#and she starts calling him “lord astarion” totally unprompted haha#god an evil wyll run would be horrible too... fuck i bet you can do the mizora sex scene with wyll that's fucked up#oh god if you're evil karlach too imagine tricking wyll into betraying mizora for you only to turn out to be everything he feared you were#💔
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Me: *three rows into my latest knitting project* This isn't so bad! I'm figuring it out pretty easily, and I can already see it start to take shape! Wow, this is great.
Me: *counts stitches and notices I'm two short* Oh No
#im trying my hand at a double knit colorwork thing!#its slow going because i knew almost none of these skills before starting the project#im learning about slipping stitches and slip stitch ends and the invisible cast on#and double knitting as a whole. and how to read a chart#its interesting for sure#im proud of myself bcuz ive come really far since i started knitting. and learning new stuff has been helping my mental health a lot#but idk why i do this to myself. while im picking it up pretty easily this is still.not an easy task#and somehow i lost two stitches? had to unravel and I'm going to try again#wish me the best. fucking double knitted colorwork
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I made an account on Fictionpress to post my original stories. So far this is the only thing I've posted, though I plan to add more (I have a huge backlog of short stories). I think it's one of the best things I've ever written. It's less than a thousand words, and tells the story of a guy who falls for a girl in a coffee shop, though he starts to suspect she isn't what she seems.
(btw none of the bands or music mentioned are real)
#psychological horror#original fiction#creative writing#short horror story#tortis artis#<- putting this under my art tag for now until I can come up with a better tag for this#i'm super proud of it#i've been wanting to post my writing for a while and the main thing holding me back was that I couldn't find anywhere that would let me#experiment with typesetting and pretty layouts and finally I was just like “fuck it; no one but me cares about that anyway”#tiny bit disappointing but in the end it's the story that matters most to me
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#croix meridies#chariot du nord#ursula callistis#little witch academia#chariox#kitsunaiiart#I know there's some things wrong with this on a technical level but holy fuck it's pretty good for me I'm really proud of it
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oh yeah!!!! forgot to mention this is my last day at work :') honestly the pay wasn't the greatest (not complaing though, this is a public position and it was certainly enough to get by) but ngl this was probably one of the most enjoyable jobs ive had 😭❤️ for a ridiculously conservative population like this im glad they seemed to enjoy the numerous marxist solutions to all their problems getting slid in under the reasoning of "community/small town values" and "neighbours having each other's back" and 5 minute small talk about how taxes work at the line in the grocery store lmao
#gu6chan's musings#microdosing american presidential life by going into local politics; completely uprooting everything set in place by the last guy and then#fucking off to work in a resort town as a grocer for the rest of my days (2 years)#i get why they do this all the time now ngl#its really amazing though how much you can get through to people just by explaining to them how things work like it's some kind of#insider secret or forbidden knowledge though. like being in a position of the government they're already VERY distrusting of is one thing#but rlly as long as you're friendly; casual and start off conversations with 'Not a lot of people know this/This isn't ever something they#talk about but' and launch into the most basic explanation of anything they'll treat your brave defiance against the system (explaining how#taxes they think are communist money laudering schemes are used to pay for the benefits of capitalism (community projects) they want)#like the gospel of christ#very proud to have wokeified my village to this degree; especially given the irony i was largely only given this position through a mix of#being the 'right' kind of foreigner (chad aryan german woman whose quiet and polite 😍) and outright nepotism on my father's end of the#family bc i kid you not; i am NOT that familiar with his side of the family but they take up like half the space in northern michigan and#especially this town for whatever reason? it's insane bc like almost in every sector there's one of us 😭#but yeah it's all to say I'm at like 80% convinced that when it came to the local elections it rlly was just whatever name they recognised#first and wouldn't you know!!! but i like to think at least a little of it was bc i knew the people pretty well and was nice......... 🥺#and also bc the other family who practically owns the town bc they own 50% of the businesses around here and their name is plastered on#EVERYTHING (they're a heating and plumbing company; they're a hardware store; they're realtors; they're grocers....) also have been in#politics for quite some time and there's been so many scandals (Just to name the biggest current one this year; the mayor got arrested for a#REALLY bloody car accident he caused while driving drunk lmao but shhhh i didn't tell you that :3<) that they were willing to go with#literally any other option. and then they voted the same people in again. (but also meeeeeee :3)
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reblog and say as many as you can, but AT LEAST ONE (1) thing you like about yourself/are proud of yourself for. could be this month, this year, this fucking decade. i double dog dare you. love yourself bitch 🫵🏼🫵🏼🫵🏼
#i'll go first the biggest thing i'm proud of myself for is somehow re-wiring my brain to be positive most of the time#secondly i think i'm pretty funny and i'm a good friend and i have a lot of love in my heart <3#bluebird.txt#you can always tell when i've entered a righteous I Will Kill God With My Own Two Hands Before I Ever Let Myself Be Miserable Again#when i start making posts like this lol#finals week i am going to fucking slaughter you i am going to kill it like i've never killed it before#it's been a hard semester but it's made me tougher and a better musician and no matter fucking what NO ONE can take that away from me#fucking NOBODY. it is undeniable that i am better than i have ever been#and even if the going is slow now because i am Me i Know that there is no way in hell i can get anything but better in the future#i am going Up. even if i go down i'm going up. no one can fucking take away from me what i've done.
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i hope one day i'll be proud of how i do my job but it looks bleak i'm never fucking happy no matter how much i do and how much passion and effort i put into it and no matter that people have told me i'm fucking good and useful and important
#idk what the fuck more i have to do to be happy with this shit#with myself in general honestly#i always find reasons why i suck why i could n should do better#it's so annoying i don't even feel like i'm good at being like. on the internet#i don't feel like i'm a good friend to my online friends (which are the only friends i have) i feel like i'm always annoying etc#but anyway lol just wish at least the amount of effort i put into things i care about translated to me feeling good about them afterwards#like i give my all and still it's never enough and it's not even that others tell me so. i just can't feel like i've done enough ever#sometimes i'm like. so pathetically in need of praise that i feel disgusted by myself lmao#and the thing is that yeah i don't really get told i'm doing well often but deep down i know even if i was it would still not be enough#bc *i* am not proud of myself *i* set impossible standards for myself that i'll never reach and *i* make my own damn self miserable#whatever. feeling slightly better lasted like 10 minutes back to lying in bed feeling the weight of a ton of bricks on my chest#fun! i was actually having a pretty good day for like half of it. well#delete later
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made a new base and decided to put Hope on it, along with making mockups for my plans for her patches on her harness
took her for a little walk today and I'm so proud of her for her first actual walk; she was scared of things but showed clear interest in learning so I let her learn, gently gave each thing she was sniffing and was frightened of a name and started on her basic side commands(left/right), continue walking command(walk on), slow down command (easy easy), and she's already got "come" really good
the leash I'm using is great so far, I love the traffic handle on it, makes me feel a lot safer when handling her and makes it a lot easier to do so too, and her harness is absolutely perfect. trial runs in the backyard went great and not once has she slipped her harness or tried to slip her harness, where her collar she'd slipped multiple times in the back yard so I didn't take her for walks when I had her collar only
the patches I wanna get her are her full name (Little Lantern's Spark of Hope) and the Blue Lantern emblem, along with "Ask to pet" and "do not pet" depending on what we're doing, I think it'll make me feel more confident when going out that she has her name on her
she does still have her collar, but I plan to use it for tags only since she'll always have her collar on, and her tactical vest harness only goes on when going in the backyard (safety) or walks
god I am so insanely proud of how she handled her first walk though, even if it was just up and down the short little street we're on, she did so good and didn't bark or growl or try to run from me at all. She was alert and curious, albeit frightened of new things but was eager to learn about said new things given she sniffed them so much. Little baby steps to get her up to where I want her, so excited to continue to see her progress
This is not a commission, no one has any permission to repost (create their own post) of this art with or without credit.
Reblogs > Likes
#⭑🛠⭑ Hey so *infodumps about the thing I’m into* { Tony Talks }#⭑🛠⭑ Located on the Stark Secure Servers { My Art }#⭑🛠⭑ Little Lantern’s Spark of { Hope }#god I wish I had a reliable phone to take pictures of her while she's outside#she's so fucking pretty in her harness I'm so proud of her#really looks like a shepherd in her harness too#I think this is what I need to help my mood too#bc I'm feeling better about things
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#audio#putting my head through a wall saturday#this song makes me think about a few things but rn I'm thinking about LR on top of n beating the shit out of FP (their illegitimate father)#maybe he'd even be interested to know that his child has his explosive violent anger despite them never having met#maybe he'd be proud#it would at least make him smile#LR would be so fucking angry. they're 22 n he's 58 so it's a possibility they could win if he couldn't reach his gun#which he usually carries in a holster the front of his pants so if they're sat on top of him he can't reach it#idk if it would be a blind rage of punching him till he stops moving or a screaming crying spitting clawing thing#probably depends on His reaction#if he says anything. like in the middle of the violence he goes ''you really are my kid'' LR would likely start crying#and get sloppy so if FP really cared to live through that situation he could probably throw them off#but frankly I think he'd find it pretty fitting his adult child he never knew existed would be the one to catch up to him#and he's lived a satisfying life by his standards#this would all be solved if he gave a shit n gave them a hug though lmfao#but he doesn't care#beyond the brief entertainment they could bring him. esp since he could hold power over them#eugh what a guy#love my characters they're personifications of my issues lmfao#and the fact that they have identical eye colors and very similar eye shapes. sheesh.#like looking into your own eyes
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I know there's probably enough posts on here about this, but like, reading the stuff you wrote can be so awesome if you can get over the embarrassment and judgement toward yourself. Like, when you go from seeing it as poorly crafted and something to fix to seeing it as a work of art that someone made and loved, it can be really nice to read.
Occasionally I'll make myself go back and read an old chapter without nitpicking everything and of course I enjoy it. I wrote it so I used the words and rhythm that I enjoy.
#Go read the stuff you wrote without being mean to yourself for once!#writing#Rereading one of the things I wrote a few months ago and there's one line that I'm really fucking proud of#It's a pretty good feeling to look at something I wrote and know that I would have gone feral over it if I had been the reader not th autho
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She is once again asking if you would like a shipment of not deadly spiders ³ in your city.
You have no choice, you will be receiving them at nightfall.
These are the alt versions, and you could tell I couldn't decide which was better.
there is at least 20-30 versions of this dammit– it's probably 40 I had saved in total.
#Dr. Hypnos HLVRV#Doc HLVRV#HLVRV#Words cannot express how much I love this rushed doodle.#I love them so much#As proud as i am of this‚ I still have no idea why I'm so embarrassed to post it.#This was supposed to be a quick doodle#yet here I am spending 2 hours on it!#One half for the drawing itself#the rest was fucking around with filters and blending modes.#I'm pretty sure I crashed Ibis during it because I was outta storage.#Oh#and have I mentioned that the spider leg things in the back were supposed to be the robotic tentacle lookin legs Ive heard that Doc has?#Have now in this edit.#I was forced to do the funny Spider theme overall by my fucking Hypnos alter.#and that's a spider pin in his hair.#I don't see why not so you can't stop me!
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-->And then it was Victor and Smiler date time at the Freezer Bunny Arcade in Newcrest! Haven’t been here in a while (I think Smiler was still living in Britechester the first time they and Victor visited), but the arcade was on my mind after watching onlyabidoang’s “Functional Objects” video featuring all the arcade stuff Cepzid created. It was raining when they arrived (and soon ramped up to a major thunderstorm -- great dating weather!), so I sent them inside into the cafe area at the back right away. They sat and chatted for a while, with Smiler telling Victor an engaging story for his entertainment --
As some random sat down at their table with his coffee. *grumble* Fortunately, he didn’t try to join their conversation, and I was able to get the pair to move to another table once Victor ordered some pain au chocolat from the barista (which went a LOT fucking smoother than it did at the other cafe – Steampunk Cafe LOOKS nice, but it doesn’t play very well, unfortunately). They continued having a very pleasant, occasionally flirty chat, sharing the spirit of the day and officially developing a “Close” family dynamic, awww. :) Randos did keep coming to sit at their table, but again, nobody actually tried to TALK to them – they just let the pair get on with their date. Sheesh, wonder why everyone kept bothering Victor and Alice...
-->Anyway – Victor finished his snack, then donated some plasma to Smiler so they could have a snack before grabbing some sleep replacement potion from the aspiration rewards store so he didn't pass out from blood loss on their date. Smiler wandered over to the skeeball machines while Victor found a table to drink his potion --
And ended up next to, of all people, JOAQUIN, who’d showed up here too. >( Fortunately I was able to keep him from trying to talk to Victor, allowing Victor to Energy himself up and join Smiler at skeeball. They both completed a level one game and ended up winning a child’s toy apiece. XD Smiler then went over to the pinball machines and had a good game there, while Victor played some Whack-A-Gnome poorly. I had him go get a gumball to make himself feel better after that (and after seeing Joaquin) –
#sims 4#the lazy save#victor van dort#alice liddell#smiler always#random promo: if you like fun Sims videos then watch onlyabidoang's stuff#he's a cool guy who covers patch updates and does things like make occult Sims race to see who is the fastest XD#and of course does videos on neat mods that make me remember I set up a whole arcade in this save that I barely use XD#I'm actually rather proud of the Freezer Bunny arcade#I think I did a good job making it look like a freezer bunny face#and a lot like this is one of the better uses for those ridiculous Spa Day glowing walls XD#but yes things went MUCH smoother here for Victor and Smiler#sure we had random Sims insisting on sitting at their table#but at least they weren't trying to butt into the actual DATE#though I was pretty fucking pissed to see Joaquin again#sir you are lucky I didn't try to do anything lethal to you#stay away from my trio you unwanted flirtation creep#and tell me those arcade machines don't look cool :)#Cepzid really put a lot of effort into making them look right!#this makes me think of Dave & Buster's and that's only a good thing#great job!#queued
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Very nice and cool you are
SO I finally started dumping my stuff on my geocities.ws account that I made like a year ago but it turns out that this site SUCKS but at least it can send .txt files so here's a fossil fighters card game that I made WAY more cards for than I thought I would
#fossil fighters#i actually didn't bother much with making vivosaurs#i just had a million ideas for the other card types#the vivosaurs were kinda just Work to design since i was taking a lot of their stuff directly from the games#so it was a lot of looking stuff up and adjusting the numbers to work better#and i STILL don't know if i made the damage numbers high enough because i've never used this kind of defense mechanic before#inspired by me thinking about the pokemon tcg and thinking “hey that's a really good system to focus on Monsters Battling”#and my thoughts drifted towards my Braithia card game for like 15 seconds before i wanted to make fossil fighters#also all the mechanics that don't involve cards are lifted directly from the game#the various Zones and such are copied straight from fossil fighters 1#the only changes i made were lowering the numbers and changing support effects to be flat numbers instead of multipliers#also changed elements from multipliers to flat numbers#multipliers: great for video games and annoying for physical games#also i wrote all the rules before coming up with the fossil deck idea which i'm still really proud of#and i was able to just kinda staple it on with no changes to the rest of the rules so that was nice#and then once i had fossil rocks as a mechanic i got started writing cards and i simply didn't stop#so many things to take from the games#like when i came up with the fossil deck one of the first ideas was taking the worthless normal rocks you dig up#and just chucking it at an enemy for damage#there's a lot of ways to spend fp so i felt kinda pressured to make everything low cost#which was a problem because of the Durable mechanic i put on the dark fossil rocks#like durable 3? there's literally only 3 cards in the main deck that cost 3 or more#and it made the Fragile mechanic pretty meaningless too#high costs would prevent you from attacking that turn so it was just pretty awkward#might just remove the durable and fragile mechanics if i come back to this#they were mainly just for flavor anyway#because wondrous/miraculous fossil rocks need to cost a lot but i want to represent how fragile they are#fuck i spelled it wonderous instead of wondrous. english is stupid#ka asks
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