#Inside Hook
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a bump in the day
#. // ♡ 🌱 art#dol#degrees of lewdity#vanida the idol#harper the doctor#kylar the loner#dol pc#dolgl#my art#FIRST ART OF THE YEAR BABYYYY#this has been a thought eating inside my head#i personally think that even tho harper would never say it aloud i think kylar would be the LI they have mental beef with#they are too similar only one freak can be hooking up with vani and its gonna be THEM#also bc i think its silly having harper be kylar's 'therapist' while also working with remy cause of my hc of kylar and remy being cousins#like girlie is beefing with a highschooler#anyway rant power off
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SNOW BOTS ARE BACK BABE, IF IT WILL BE LIKE THAT EVERY YEAR I MIGHT DIE ONE DAY OF HAPPINESS WHEEEZE (I mean, drawing them like that is so much faster, plus colors, plus snow, plus they all are alive, COME ON IT'S A DREAM) Go smooch @keferon and everyone who makes "everyone is happy" content wheeeeeze
#snow bots au#transformers#maccadam#OF COURSE I GOT MY BOIS BACK#They have a car they ride separately and they like to show the car off#Perceptor#Brainstorm#Hook#Scavenger#and others from their “family” but they are not seen or it is my hand begging me to stop it hasn't recovered fully yet bruh#I bet Minimus and Megatron are already inside sipping tea and watching them going inside the building#I already wonder if since it is the second year like this#Maybe Optimus also somehow found this place to relax after many years and just sees them all#And Megatron#I want them to recover here too ngghhh#I also was thinking of scavengers and Grimlock but ahah I have a feeling they hang out in a bit different places where less people#ALSO EHEGHEGEHEEH it's so cool to think of every group arriving together or separately in different days#I have a feeling that Tailgate Cyclonus and Whirl will arrive pretty late. Alway forgetting something and coming back because of it until#they just “OH just leave it be let's go already”#Group of docs arriving almost as the first ones#Okay I better run I didn't even have breakfast just jumped on it the moment saw it coming back
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Odds of Survival Part 3
Unstoppable forces meets immovable objects.
Or Prowl finds new reasons to be concerned.
———————————————————————
While Prowl had destroyed the bombers attacking their end of the bridge, the other side had no such saving grace.
The opposite end of the sky bridge had broken off from the Commerce Tower and was now swinging downwards, creating a miles long ramp to obliteration.
There was a 4% chance Prowl could technically survive the impact. However he’d almost certainly be reduced to a sputtering spark trapped in a compacted pile of scrap that had once been his frame. Without instantaneous medical intervention, he would most certainly perish even in the event of the 4% survival chance occurring.
4% halved to 2% when Tacnet registered Jazz magnetizing his hands to Prowls frame.
Tacnet spun wildly and without traction. Whatever actions Prowl could have taken to mitigate the incoming damage was removed by Jazz’s inescapable hold. Every possible strategy terminated instantly in a flurry of error messages as Tacnet tried to factor for the impossible.
Physically, Prowls servos moved on their own, driven by some core deep coding for self preservation that had him frantically clawing at Jazz’s back for either a hand hold or escape as Tacnet spat out a single coherent plan:
(Brace For Impact)
The Praxian briefly wondered if he’d crash before they crashed.
The mechs jolted as Jazz made contact with the bridge turned ramp. A fountain of sparks spraying from his pedes as Jazz hit the bridge upright and began skating down the buckling surface.
Jazz wasn’t just passively sliding along either. Prowl felt powerful legs tense and thrusters make quick adjustments to narrowly avoid lethal splinters of braking pipes and metal sheets.
Odds of Survival 5%
Odds of Survival 6%
Prowl watched the impossible as Tacnet slowly ticked upwards. Through some stroke of insanity, Jazz was controlling their descent. Analyzing the white mechs motions, Prowl concluded they were practiced. Unbelievably, Jazz somehow had previous experience with similar circumstances.
On what Fragging planet does somebody regularly go careening down incredibly steep slopes at high speeds with only their own athleticism to keep them alive?!
Skill alone wasn’t enough however, because Jazz was slowly loosing control. As the sky bridge swung inexorably downwards, their ramp was steadily becoming steeper. Prowl could feel one of Jazz’s legs beginning to involuntarily shudder under the continued strain. The obstacles kept coming faster and faster, the visored mech barely keeping pace.
If he dropped me, Jazz has a 23% chance at saving himself.
Prowl caught sight of a chunk of bridge breaking outwards that spanned the total width of it. No getting around it. The jagged edge lifted just high enough to bisect him just below the wings. Prowl turned away.
Jazz leapt.
The deafening vibrations of metal on metal grinding suddenly stopped. An instrumental segment filled the gap.
Gravity ended their short reprieve.
This time when they collided with bridge, Prowl felt Jazz land wrong and then suddenly the sky was whipping past his optics.
Stars, moon, bridge. Stars, moon, bridge. Stars, moon, bridge. Stars, moon, bridge.
Tacnet greedily took in their current velocity, rate of rotation, and angle of the sky bridges decent to inform Prowl that Jazz and his combined weight would land on his helm.
Thank you Tacnet, I hate you.
Jazz shifted and Prowls vision went white.
Despite Tacnets certainty to the contrary, Prowl was not unconscious or dead.
ERROR, moon, ERROR. Stars, moon, bridge. Stars, ERROR, bridge, rubble. Stars, moon, bridge, rubble.
They were flipping through the air again.
Jazz landed on his feet this time but couldn’t stop their rolling. Prowl felt fast painful scrapes against his servos and peds.
Stars, bridge, rubble. Stars, bridge, rubble.
Tacnet took in their velocity and rotation again. Calculating their distance to the wreckage at the end of their fall.
Impact Survival 74%
Impact location Doorwings 87%
At least his doorwings were already offlined.
By then, the two mechs were no longer bouncing, but rolling fully across the remains of the bridge. Prowl locked himself around Jazz and braced for impact.
Collision was instant and deafening.
Prowls sense of balance was rubber banding. The instant stop after what felt like vorns of spinning out of control was just as disorientating as the fall itself.
In a lapse of memory, he onlined his doorwings.
Prowl remembered why he left them offline a click too late and sucked in a vent.
Except. They were functioning. The edges stung and the tip’s were badly chipped but both sensors were fully operational.
Blunt helm trauma. He must be having a severe processor malfunction. Prowl unlocked protesting joints and looked over his shoulders at his doorwings.
They were only lightly damaged, fully functional, and only a servos width from the pile of rubble he was being held above.
A black and white arm extended past his wings, buried wrist deep in the wreckage.
Jazz still had a death grip around his waist, visor pressed into Prowls shoulder.
“Jazz?” Prowl tried. If he put his vocalizer against his audial, the sound should carry. The music played out its final notes, leaving the silence of the moon in its wake.
“Jazz?” Prowl tried a little harder, pulling at the servo still magnetized to his back, unhooking his peds to kneel on the rubble. They had fallen into the 90 degree crook of the second cylindrical extension. The bridge had come to rest at last, kicking up enough moon dust to obscure their survival from any searching quintessons. For now.
Jazz slurred something in his native language, before repeating in common, “Gimme a click. I’m gonna throw up real quick.”
Prowl flared his wings, scanning the area. It was a relatively short drop to the moons surface. Once there, Prowl could transform and carry the both of them at speed to the outpost. Clearly, Jazz had no trouble holding onto him.
Speaking of, Jazz finally, slowly began to uncurl from Prowls frame.
He looked terrible. His visor had splintered crack’s across one side, the isolated fragments independently flickering. One horn was stuck pinned against his helm, sparking where shrapnel was jammed into the gap. He was visibly wobbling, and even with an em field Prowl could tell he was badly disoriented.
Jazz stared at Prowl for a while, before looking to his hand still buried in rubble. He tried pulling it free gently and when that didn’t work, got a completely ruined and mostly toe-less ped braced next to it and yanked
Jazz’s hand came free. At the same time something important looking snapped and fell out of his shoulder. The limb going limp.
Prowl didn’t have the bandwidth to process that at the moment.
Instead, he plucked up the chunk of shoulder into sub space. Tacking that onto the growing list of injuries they’d both needed tending to.
Cautiously, Prowl reached up to gingerly touch the back of his helm, fully expecting to feel exposed and crushed circuitry. Instead, he felt several dents, aligned in parallel. Very tender, but most certainly not as damaged as it should have been.
How?
Tacnet answered by mapping the contours of the dents, drawing Prowls optics to the back of Jazz’s obliterated servo.
The remains of the sky bridge shuttered.
Odds of Survival 45%
Prowl got Jazz’s attention and began pulling him towards the ledge they’d need to descend. Effectively deaf, probably blind, down an arm and forced to walk on two severely injured peds, Prowl only felt some relief when he finally wrangled Jazz to rest on top of his alt form.
Watching him struggle down the ledge was utterly disturbing to watch. Jazz limped along as if he was completely desensitized to pain, behaving as if he was more annoyed by his injuries than agonized.
Package secured, Prowl gunned it for the outpost. Even injured, he trusted Jazz to stay magnetized to his frame with whatever he had left to hold on with.
Out of the dust cloud, Prowl was intimately aware of how exposed they’d be. Confident he wouldn’t loose Jazz, Prowl focused entirely on plotting the most efficient route to the outpost.
The moment it came into view, Prowl pushed his engine past the redline as he registered sniper shots firing just past and above them.
Pursuing quintesson wreckers 78%.
Sure enough, a dead wrecker crashed into the moon dirt a short distance to their left.
Prowl managed a drifting slide past the out post gates, losing exactly enough momentum to match the speed of a running mech, then transformed back to root mode in the same maneuver. An exceedingly useful technique when chasing criminals and a damn effective way to shoulder someone on your roof through a door in the most efficient manner possible.
[Bluestreak, I’ve made it inside the outpost. I have an injured mech with me.]
[Heya Prowl! I saw you tearing it up out there with your backpack buddy! I’ve got a few more stragglers to take care of but you’re welcome to use the medic case I’ve got with me in here. I’ll ping the door for you.]
The primary medkit should be in the outpost storage closet. That is unless Bluestreak pulled it into his snipers nest to tend to his own injuries (22%). Or because Bluestreak pulled it there to force Prowl to bring his “backpack buddy” within conversational distance (92%).
He felt a tap at his shoulder, “Are we safe here?” Jazz yelled in the thin atmosphere. Visor flickering worse than before and visibly making an effort to stay balanced upright on eviscerated peds.
Priorities.
Prowl ignored his annoyance. He hit the trigger to pressurize the airlock and pulled Jazz’s good arm over his shoulders to stabilize the other mech. He had easily a dozen lines of questioning queued up in the backlog of his processor, every single one tagged with Jazz as the subject line. As much as Prowl itched to piece together the puzzle of why he was “Like that.” It’d have to wait until they were both in more stable condition. At least now his vents could actually do something to start cooling his overstressed processor.
“For now. We are somewhat safe.”
Prowl muttered quietly in addition, “Against all odds.”
———————————————————————
Bluestreak, seeing Prowl with some very obvious hand prints and very specific paint scratches: “What in the pit did he do to you?”
Bluestreak, seeing Jazz walk in after him with a broken arm, busted horn and an utterly torn up paint job across his back: “What in the pit did YOU do to him?!”
Either one or two parts left, next up Jazz pov.
-SSTP
OH HELL SSTP LET ME HOLD YOUR HAND REALQUICK THIS IS A FIVE STAR MEAL FOR MY SOUL FKKDJFG I JUST. I NEVER FUCKING GET TIRED OF THE WAY YOU WRITE I know I'm probably repeating myself at this point BUT IT'S JUST WHAT MY TRUTH LOOKS LIKE OKAY. EVERY TIME I SEE AN ASK FROM YOU AND START READING IT I GO "Oh M A N the author cooked so hard they should've made Ratatouille 2 about this way of placing words."


#mecha pilot jazz au#mecha writing#mecha jp writing#NOW THIS IS WHAT A REAL TREAT LOOKS LIKE#CAN YOU HOOK THIS FIC UP STRAIGHT TO MY BRAIN PLEASE#the...the way the contrast is shown#Prowl who can feel pain. just straight up suffering bc he's alive robot#and Jazz who is a fucking war machine but also hooo boy I'm fucking scared to imagine what was happening inside the mech#maccadam#jazz#prowl#jazzprowl
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#a bit of a stretch but overall i feel like the vibes fit#the moment here contrasting with the kids being all outta ideas vs stan having one last card up his sleeve#dipper pines#mabel pines#ford pines#stanford pines#stan pines#stanley pines#anyway this adds to my thesis on how s1's 2 ep finale is a foil to s2's#dipper being reluctant to save stan vs stan being reluctant to save ford#the villain using a giant mech built by mcgucket to capture the heroes vs the heroes using a mcgucket mech to rescue#mabel saving dipper and herself via grappling hook#dipper beating gideon with a punch inside gideon's head vs stan beating bill with a punch inside stan's head#(or alternatively stan beating gideon via a kick in front of the entire town vs bill with a punch all alone)#news report on local hero 'stanford' vs town hero stanley#gideon being sent off to a jail more that's more like therapy and makes tons of friends#bill being sent off to therapy that's more like jail and he's completely alone
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OUT NOW only on Voxtek+ Premium: "The Rizz Demon strikes again!"
(…or "the moments from 666: Live On Air! by @prince-liest that had no reason being this funny.")
⚠️ Horny demons ahead (kinda) ⚠️
Anyway, excuse me if I mixed up the scenes where Alastor’s supposed to be more/less dressed, I can’t keep up with his undressing policy in the series, but I think it’s always funnier when he’s all buttoned up.
Edit: more Alastor in the dress! Yay!






#hazbin hotel#hazbin alastor#alastor#hazbin vox#vox#radiostatic#onewaybroadcast#princeliest#aroace alastor#one sided radiostatic#fanfic art#aromantic alastor#asexual alastor#I almost didn’t include the last panels because of how long it took to figure out Alastor’s new hair#but he’s gorgeous your honor#there’s no way back now I’m hooked#poor vox#vox’s insides are human flesh mixed with my cable management skills
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the card game's real now. not published yet, that'll be a month or so of ordering copies and approvals, but apparently i can still let you lot buy it
ABCDEFGHI LMNOP RSTUVW Y
21/26
#and per se and#i mean i proofed it and everything. and it's pretty simple. it should be fine but crossing t's etc.#print on demand type thing#yes the rules are on the inside of the box. that's one of the benefits of a hook box
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nobody understands my love for the yuus. novel yuu, manga yuus, in game yuu, every single one of them holds a space dear to my heart and the fact we’ll likely never see how the manga yuus’ stories end since we get a new yuu for every book makes me wanna die inside.
( i’m at least thankful we get to stick with yuuya bc he’s like my favorite yuu, but i can’t find where the translations are since the most i’ve gotten is right where book 1 starts..if anyone knows where to get more I WILL BE INDEBTED )
like?? you can’t leave me hanging on this with yuuken and koito 😕
WE’RE GOING TO GET MORE ABOUT ALL THE YUUS GUYS TRUST ME ( manifesting )
#inside kay’s mind#kyupidos#twst#twisted wonderland#if someone gives me twst light novel translations#i will literally marry them#PLEASE SOMEONE HOOK ME UP#twst novel#enma yuuken#twst yuuken#yuuka hirasaka#twst yuuka#yuuta mito#twst yuuta#kuroki yuuya#twst yuuya#twst light novel
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Doll Photos of the Week - some shots around the display. Edit 4/25/25: I've changed my username to @annamcdolls! These photos are watermarked with my old username, annaandthedolls.
#dollblr#doll photography#doll collector#doll collection#fashion dolls#my dolls#dolls#annaandthedolls#doll community#doll display#ooak dolls#hybrid dolls#monster high dolls#wild hearts crew dolls#barbie dolls#off the hook dolls#custom dolls#inside#annamcdolls#doll: sora#doll: sunshine#doll: moth lady#doll: ivy#doll: charlotte#doll: venus#doll: janet#doll: amethyst#doll: etta#doll: sparx#photo type: group shot
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since i made a reinregu kid and nessa has hooked me on emijulisuba i'm thinking of an AU where these guys all have kids lol
nessa suggested naming reinregu baby "remus" and i find that really cute because now it's ReReRe but all 3 of their names are pronounced differently,,,, re ra ri.... starting to sound like reciting the japanese alphabet
anyway we've discussed a lot and i won't share everything but the main points are that remus is kind of a morally good asshole so i guess he's like reinhard but fucked up??? to me he's an anarchist and also the type of guy who laughs about bugs eating each other.... definitely regu's son for sure!!! but he loves beetles a lot and owns one as a pet (actually i think he'd like bugs in general but seeing nature's Wonders makes him mildly amused) and probably wants other bugs like tarantulas and stuff as pets too wwwww i think reinregu have a back yard specifically for this brat
he probably gets into fights with other kids on the playground because he sees them as below himself and especially if they're mean to him he gets really really Nasty. worse yet, reinhard would be kind of a celebrity and regulus is already an asshole, so remus naturally develops some feeling of superiority from being rich + having a famous dad + having a 2nd dad who treats everyone like they're rats 😭 yeah this kid is growing up with issues
nessa and i talked about the possibility of remus ending up in juvenile detention (imo around 15-16yo) which i think would absolutely break reinhard and regulus' hearts and i HATE thinking about it a lot because i am a generally sad person who craves happiness..... but..... regulus would definitely be distraught about the whole situation because HE is a problem child and he knows it deep down somewhere!! and he would think of himself as a failure of a parent and reinhard would act sweet and you wouldn't hear a single bad word from him, he just allows regulus scream his lungs out!!!!!
and anyway i think they're just,,,, a very bad family..... it makes me really sad :( but that's how it Is.....
also on a more silly note, i think regulus brags about remus being his child because he's SOOO OBVIOUSLY AN ASTREA and like come on!!!!!! banging one of the astreas is crazy work!!!!
as for emijulisuba, i don't exactly have many ideas yet because reinregu is my main thing, BUT i think they would have kids willingly so they'd have more than 1... and emilia will NOT be giving birth to them 💖
i'm leaning a bit on them having 3 kids.... i think maybe they would start with 2 purely because "what if one of them is lonely" or generally not wanting one kid to grow up all alone, but after the first two kids get to like 6-7 years old (elementary school age) they would maybe have another one purely because they want to... idk i think they're very happy with their kid situation
so in other words i want to design emijulisuba kids too some day!!!! maybe when i have a little less work... they make me so happy
i don't like kids at all, i can't handle them for various reasons, but that's what fiction is for!!!! exploring things you would hate in real life!!!!!! 🙏🏻
thank you for listening
#re zero#re:zero#reinhard van astrea#regulus corneas#julius juukulius#julius euclius#natsuki subaru#emilia rezero#emijulisuba#reinregu#also deep down inside my brain there are thoughts of Reinjuli Have Definitely Hooked Up Before#and various other things that may make things awkward if the kids find out#but also i think remus and one if the emijulisuba kids will end up dating because i really think it's sooo funny
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Cue Ma’al kicking John out and dumping the swamp bits-
Only for Swamp Thing to appear next night asking for its swamp bits back
John stole the swamp bits and frames Ma’al</3
the real victim out of all this is Swamp Thing
previous for context
#askjesncin#the tragedy of Ma'al liking Constantine's exes but only ever being able to hook up with Constantine#our running inside joke is Johnstantine keeps sacrificing Ma'al to demons or other monsters-#- but since Ma'al is indestructible as a non telepath Martian he keeps surviving but he's still pissed to be used as a pawn lol#john constantine#swamp thing#martian manhunter#ma'alefa'ak#jl remix
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I WENT TO CHECK AND THE TOXIC ODYMEDES PROMPT BLOG GOT DELETED? they only had like one post that i have memorized by heart but it hurts. like now i look crazy on their ship tag
#i already look crazy on the palamedes tag in general but sigh. grant me some grace here?#for anyone wondering the singular odymedes prompt they posted was#odysseus hooking up w/ palamedes to get inside his tent and plant fake evidence etc etc. but yeah#odysseus#palamedes#odysseus x palamedes#odymedes#greek mythology#tagamemnon#xndead rambles
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if i wrote a one shot about someone working at mcdonalds who would be the unlucky soul
#i have insider knowledge about mcdonalds one of my irls hooks me up w/ free mcflurries 🙏#total drama#silly ideas#this is all /hj btw
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sorry can i just -
#samoa joe#hook#hook is a moderately-sized young man but is perpetually disappearing inside his clothing and joe is - as we all know - joe#as an expert in holding my hand up to someone else's and going 'ha ha wow yours is so much bigger'. throw me through a wall please#also how many times can i use the word 'paw' in this fic before i'm canceled for stealing furry valor#wrestle tag
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s2 episode 7 "3" thoughts
hmm. hmm. that is the sound if me pondering what i just watched.
(i understand that this episode was an analysis into mulder's self-destructive behaviors when faced with overwhelming grief, but. that does not mean i enjoyed vampire hookup time)
well. we shall start from the top!
i read that it was an episode about vampires which i thought was a weird narrative choice because. hello. scully still gone??? but then i remembered that i too ignored the main quest in skyrim to hunt some vampires and that i had no place to judge
(granted, my main quest wasn't finding scully though. might have given that a bit more priority than saving the whole world. because she IS my whole world)
we open with a guy that looks like joe biden meeting with an attractive young woman. they're making out in a hot tub and we just know someone is gonna get slurped upon. and woe, it be upon us! double vampire attack.
back in DC, mulder gets his old office back! it's covered in plastic. he takes some of it off. he adjusts his calendar from may to november, so we see how much time he and scully had been assigned to other tasks, which also has me wondering how she managed to get a new house that quick.
(also, this calendar is... scantily clad women posing next to tools such as hammers and saws. was this allowed? was this acceptable? was it normal? were the 90's a lawless wasteland and mulder an irreparable freak?)
well. scully is an x file now, and he puts her glasses and id into an evidence bag and closes the filing cabinet which was sooooo evil. but he can't bring himself to put her necklace away. oh man. oh he's gotta have it in case he finds her. he has to hold her close. i'm Fine this is Fine.
so. he goes out to california to deal with the joe biden looking fellow being murdered. and he is not wanted on the crime scene. we know this because someone greets him by saying "nobody called the bureau" and he says "well, they should have" and lifts up the tape to let himself in. because one thing about him is that he's gonna let himself into a place he isn't wanted.
he sees the writing of a bible verse in blood on the wall and says something about their grasp of biblical knowledge being "feeble and literal" and i was like okayyy need to have a theological discussion with him
he then scares the other guy who originally wanted to kick him out by reciting a LARGE amount of facts related to similar cases and it's very much giving photographic memory. got me thinking, have we ever seen this man forget something? (directions don't count. they're confusing. but everything else sticks in that man's brain)
he just needs one thing: a phone book. which he uses to call a blood bank and ask about a new guy. who must be the vampire who did this!
so he rolls up to the blood bank and i'm over here struggling because i do Not Do Blood, and i knew at this point this was gonna be a tough watch, but i didn't anticipate the non-blood related reasons why this would be true
anyway he's sniffing around the blood bank and he hears some slurping and wouldn't you know, this dude is tearing into a bag of the red stuff like it's a capri sun. somehow he gets him into custody, where the dude refuses to talk because the lights are on, and mulder comes in with a lamp he put a red filter over, because he was prepared for vampire interrogation.
the vampire is going on about how what he did isn't murder because it's not like animals hunting prey is murder which is. not the greatest approach in terms of legal defense. mulder tells the guard that the guy is delusional and it's best to play along, and he believed this to be true... until he, quite literally, burned to a crisp in the sunlight. and died.
he's talking to the coroner and rattling off a bunch of vampire facts and says he didn't believe in vampires which is so funny to me because like. why is that where you draw the line, my friend. not at bigfoot and definitely not at aliens. but man. vampires are just too out there for spooky mulder. until now!
the coroner has a very funny line: "you are really upsetting me... on several levels" which seems to be the general effect fox mulder has on people. and also because i felt the same way about his dumbass actions during this episode.
coroner finds a stamp on the dead body's hand, which seems to come from a nightclub. so naturally our fbi agent ends up there.
you often see posts saying that "(insert character here) should be at the club". i fear that this is not the case for fox mulder, but it's possible that it's his suit and tie that are throwing me off. he just doesn't seem like he belongs there. i ask myself, where should he be instead? perhaps some sort of star wars convention would suit him better. a book signing with some author he likes. idk, an interior decorating festival. not here.
i shall use my verbatim words to walk you through the next scene:
"pause. he's talking to a woman who was looking into a compact without a mirror. so. vampire suspect. and now why are they getting so close together. and getting a drink. okay now they're leaving to a new spot together? AFTER she admits to vampirism"
(here she did some stuff that required me to look away from my screen due to my Weak Constitution. but also it would have felt necessary to look away anyway because it was getting... charged)
she tries to get him to... suck on her finger... but he won't do it because aids. which is fair. i think that's a smart move, actually. it's just that getting flirty with a vampire he knows was involved with a ton of killings was such a stupid move, i don't know why it's now the braincells start to kick in.
that kills the vibe, though, so she gets another guy to take his place and things escalate.
mulder pulls in at a restaurant called ra. nice! the sun god! and he is... through a window, witnessing some more slurping action. he seems to want to intervene and save this poor soul being feasted upon...
but the poor soul is no poor soul at all! he comes out and decks mulder, and delivers this line with stunning conviction: "i don't know who you are, freak, but we're two consenting adults" and with this, he is forced to flee.
and yeah. it made me laugh. my expectations for the genre were subverted. he signed up for that shit! what he did not sign up for, however, was the next part, where he was killed by the other vampires.
cut to investigating the crime scene. mulder has brought along a forensic dentist, which is a job i had no idea you could go into. he needs to see about those bites, which are very human.
next they go to vampire woman's house. it's a very nice place. mulder... opens her oven. and sees a loaf of bread in there. and i'm thinking, man, i hope this doesn't go where i think it's going. baked goods... ovens... i never want a vampire pregnancy arc. but he cracks open the loaf and something red spills out and somehow, this to him means that she is gone and isn't coming back. he can read the signs of the bread. so add that to his resume. what did the bread tell you, my liege?
he seems to have stayed in her house, however, because he's there when she's back, and says he knows she was using the bread as a charm to ward off evil. because apparently that's an eastern european thing, blood bread to warn off evil. sound off if any eastern europeans in the chat wanna confirm or deny.
anyway. he's IN this woman he thinks is a vampire's HOUSE? what the hell. mulder seriously i need you to stop and think. like you should have stopped and done some thinking a while ago. honestly i'm not mad i'm just disappointed. and he's like "i want to save you come with me before they kill you" ohhh big tough man needs to save her huh. make him feel good inside. huh. certainly no ulterior motive here...
she's monologing about her horrible childhood and how sweet blood tastes. um girl. don't lie to him like that. i have busted my lip open before that stuff does NOT taste sweet and dangerous. it's like a penny with rust that you found in a parking lot.
it seems her vampiric origin story, if to be believed, is that things simply got too kinky. which is a new take on the genre.
(it's also about being caught in an abusive relationship and the damage that inflicts, but it seems abusive boyfriend came into vampirism at his kinky parties and things escalated from there. which. well. it blew the eyebrows clean off my head, to be fair)
at this point we see that he is WEARING SCULLY'S NECKLACE? he says something like "it's from someone i lost" and she says that she "hopes he finds her"
i did not like the undertones here and certainly not the overtones. because i knew where this was going. he was shaving in her bathroom. and let me tell you something: there is only ever a shaving scene in media because the writer needs a way to get some blood out of someone's body and into the real world. and man. i knew it was coming.
but what i didn't see coming was her SHAVING HIM??? girl. i am uncomfy. and she does, of course, cut him, and then they kiss. aggressively. terribly aggressively. can anyone answer what was going on in a satisfactory manner?
but the gag is: the original vampire- who burnt to a crisp in the jail cell, and was the abusive ex she spoke of- HE'S WATCHING THEM THROUGH THE WINDOW!
he breaks in and taunts the vampire woman about how he had to "wait for her to finish" and i was like cool. thank you SO much for that mental image i'm super happy with it. i definitely don't feel like i need a shower. but then he's going on about how he can't be killed.
here, at the tail end of the episode, we learn the rules of vampirism in this world: a vampire cannot be killed by a non-vampire. and a non-vampire BECOMES a vampire by consuming the blood of a believer and also taking a life. it is only here we realize that this woman is not an actual vampire yet, she just appropriates their culture by drinking blood unnecessarily.
mulder's still sleeping in her bed and she's like "you need to leave" and she stabs the wall to make her evil ex think she's killing him. but when they go to break out, mulder ties him up quite handily and he gets in the car to escape with vampire woman. until ANOTHER vampire woman jumps on the hood of their car. and main vampire woman knocks her out for a bit by running into her with said car, which is super effective.
mulder's leaving the place in shambles, his shirt still unbuttoned, wandering down the side of the hill. back at the house, now that we know the vampire rules, main vampire woman says she can finally kill the evil vampire ex. and he's like how!! you haven't had the blood of a believer or taken a life. so. she licks the blood off her hands (unclear if it's hers or mulders tbh) and says she'll take her own life. and drops a match after pouring gasoline.
so. that brings that to an end. and shabby looking mulder sits on a hill as he learns all four in the house died.
the episode ends with him playing with scully's necklace. which i don't even sort of feel like unpacking right now but maybe another time.
probably not, though, because i just didn't like this episode. and yeah, a lot of it comes down to me not wanting to see mulder hook up with people who aren't scully. can you blame me? is it so wrong to have preferences in this world?
but also, narrative wise- do you honestly see the guy fucking off to cali while scully's still missing to deal with an unrelated problem instead of devoting every hour of his life to finding her, like we saw him do in the last episode? you expect me to think he just puts it off for a lil while? the guy who, just last episode, pulled his gun on the ski lift operator to get to the top where she might be a little faster, and then choked his one and only suspect out of fury? you're thinking this is the guy that's gonna go soak up some west coast rays?
and yeah, he was obviously not himself through the episode- very cold and analytical- but c'mon. we all want to bang a vampire. he's not special. i just personally wouldn't do that if my friend were gone. like how is that gonna help the situation. be so for real. time and place!
and also the whole only learning the rules of being a vampire about 5 minutes before they need it to be plot relevant. that annoyed me too.
overall, mulder, like i said, i'm not mad, just disappointed.
let me know what you thought on this episode- i try to not be a hater, but i also understand that hating in small doses can be good for the soul. if it's a widely beloathed episode i'll feel better in my judgement as i join a long tradition of haters who have come before me.
#i think i shall choose to ignore this episode going forward#sometimes he is so violently a Man it's shocking.#like the sexy tool calendar? i cannot keep defending him. throwing tomatoes as we speak. they're splattering his shirt.#man if i was missing and i learned my friend hooked up with a vampire to distract from the sorrow i'd be pissed as hell#i'd be all#and how did that help the situation. did it lead you to find me. why weren't you LOOKING for me.#is this vampire more important to you? is she gonna take my place? answer your 3 am calls and stand up for you against workplace bullying?#and you WORE my NECKLACE? the one my MOTHER GAVE ME? as a birthday present when i was 15? when you FUCKED HER?#THE HOLY CROSS MY CATHOLIC MOM GAVE ME? you wore it while i was MIA? inside a VAMPIRE?#oh i would never let that GO! if i were scully i would simply never let him live that down. it would be awkward asf between us for a bit#sighs. maybe i'm too petty. maybe i hold a grudge too deeply. all things that have been said about me before!#scully baby if ur reading this i would NEVER engage in any sort of recreational activity until i found u again okay? don't settle for less#juni's x files liveblog#2x07#txf#the x files
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The Gaslight District is so, SO good already and all we've gotten so far is the pilot!
I have to say it is REALLY cool to make the Angels reminiscent of crows/ravens when they're usually more associated with themes like Death/Reapers and the Underworld/Hell.
#tgd#the gaslight district#it's so wild i love it already#i'm definitely sensing more sci-fi themes#there being a lab in heaven#the 'Human Egg' being hooked to so many machines#the Virtues being robots with weird brain creatures inside of them piloting them#also Diligence can Step on Me#shout-out to michael kovach for doing what he does So Well#i cannot believe her name is Melancholy Hill bc i always think of the gorillaz song
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